Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1882-07-21

Kumler's Kustomhouse fe-The
Pilgrims Progress.
:" Ir Not 10 Conquer, Born TO Save "
--6rand Trlumpai Procession.
4.,hc of march-chIcs nournors.

hbN kO'bh lNNs bH' 'ht IiVTItSh ~ biibHN-
ening. Kent Hamilton has returned fron
Washington. Bowling went down after
postage stamp. lie is waiting for the gov
ernment to make him one. In the mean
time he is writing to the Cincinnati Enqmr-
er and other papers explaining how il was
that Kumler did not ge, confirmed las /
Wednesday. These orphans get the most
sympathy from the Democratic papers, MS
for instance the Fremont Messenger, the
Wood County Democrat, Cincinnati Enquirer,
Toledo De nocrut, etc. How does IL come
that these Stalwarts are championed by
Democrats, while Republicans are silent?
Now there is Patrick Hurd Bowling, p. NJ.
the innocent dove who would charge
him with applying for a government posi-
tionY Who would be so rash us TO assert
that he votes and works for the Democrats
when fowl of his feather is not success
fnl in getting the nomination on the Re
publican side ? There is John "Foster"
Kumler. "Foster" is not his second name,
this is sarcastic. lie worked against Gov.
ernor Foster last fall, you know, because
Foster would not assist him 10 the Office Of
U. S. District Attorney. Now prattling
John did not want the Office. lie did not
make amy application for it-ol, no. lie
"begged off" and has remained off ever
since. What has honest john been doing
this lnst week lie N ust be nearly ex.
hausted "begging of" so long. But John
is bcggar, aud when he commences 10
"beg off" all Toledo can't resist him.
John wrote the following letter TO "Depu-
ty" Kumler this week:
"Dear reflection of my own sweet self
Don't despair, Continue to hold yonr
congratnla,ory matinees at the corner Of
Summit aud Madison streets. Lnok cheer
fl. Claim everything with confidence.
Wear Il corset to support your weak spinal
column. Prepare grand reception for
me. something like Pompey hal in Rome
when he overcame the Gaul+. ii possible,
have my friends unlitch the other jack.
asses from the triumphal car and yoke
themselves IN after the manner oil the
qnu,uiom "Hurd Guards" when free trade
Frank came upon ns. Now my owEest
Fritz, thou lispmg sylpli of the "Maumec
Mnsh," thou paragon Of beauty, thou OBJ
tise angled lyperboia of triangular poll
ics, see to it, that anu ''received" on my
return. Get brass band, with Col. Little
for drum major. True, n drum major is
not quite so elevated position as colonel,
but in time of peace it will do. Such little
distinctions should not lie regarded. Ia
conclusion, thou rising sun Of coming
brilliance, ] leave the whole arrangement
with you, and would only say US II final
Injunction, don't suffer the smile Of sweet
brill nee TO fade from your damnsk cheek.
Yours till Stalwarts are no more.
JOHN.
P.S. will probably get "begged Off,
next week. Have clear day for my re-
ception. JOHN.
1t is reported that another soul has been
born into the Kingdom. The genial-sofl.
eyeduntil-iust-now junior society .editoroi
the Sunday journal, makes the third person
in the trinity of Stalwnrls from this sec
ti0n.
The agony was long and severe, for il
involved political conversion-though
no necessary change of heart. 1t would
seem that either Mr.. Arthur went over TO
the Aforesaid editor in his party convic-
tions, or the said editor recanted from the
many chain shots from time TO time hnrl-
ed into the Stalwart ranks, and cOntrilely
expressed his sorrow by beseaching for Il
stall at the government crib. Now, since
the ways of Providence and Guiteau's
Presldert are inscrutable, the prayer was
answered-but il gives one great faith IN
prayer to witness the working of such II
miracle by il right here i'll Toledo.
Just what officinl emnence will be
adorned by this third member in that
triumverate, doth not yet appear TO your
humble servant-pardon the expression /;
it is the Office holders who are the SER
wants, the rest Of us are-well the rest OF
us wart to be servants. 1t was at hist
reported that the position was TO be that
OF Minister Plenipotentiary for the Wes-
tern Hemisphere in the courts Of King
kalakaua, but the king touk sick when he
heard the rumor, and his nation, consisting
largely Of his wife and three sore.eyed
children went OH fishing excursion which
temporarily closed the government, and
neccssitatcd the assignment Of new field
| Of Usefulness.
The following is llle official programme
for Johns reception. When the Collector
arrives the procession will form with liz
right resting on Perry street, and its left on
Market Space. The remains will lie in ) ate
at the Coliseum, where friends may take II
( last fond look before modification sets in
We might as well remark right here the
"reniaiis" are not dead-iiiey are only
slightly paralyyed, they will soon he os live
ly nS ever. The procession will then take
up the line of march towards Allen street
another Stalwnrt stronghold, the band
playing the famous elegy written Tor THU
occasion:
when johnny comes IN lrching home again
| hoorah, hoorah.
| When Johnny c.m, home from Washington
| hoorah hvurah,
When Johnny comes home from Washington
we II hay some fun
As sure az yOu re born.
We'll all sing and shout hoorah, when Johnn.
| comes back from Washington
Custom House David will act as statma
ry on the learse. The remains will agnil
lie in state nj Pat Stacks on Allen street
After short respite IN this familiar spa
they will be tiken to the poslohce, wher
they will be inferred, along with the olhe
political mummies who lie buried beneat
its vine. clad walls.
The following epiiaph has been nscribe
upon the head board Of the relnains;
lie died OF grief internal,
| His revenue was short,
lie dwells In realms sonp,ernul
The Stalwarts last resort.
He Struggled hard to "beg or"
, lie labored night and day,
lie nearly yanked n leg of
In trying 10 get way.
But he had TO succumb. The Coroner
inquest and autopsy will be gwen III
public MS soon as they are officially dele
mined. HALF BREED.
[As Mr.. Kumler's appointment hi
, heen confirmed, il presumed that Hal
! Breed had not seen the latest dispa tches
1 the llme the above was furnished III
= oiliee,-ED.1
II has been voted by the Senate to gra
!, u company Of Maryland capitalists II
J. privilege OF laying another ocean cable b
tween the United States and Europe.
: Kansas has harvested the largest crop
. wheat ever gathered in the Slate. II
o S ale Board Of Agriculture reports that 4
g average yield per acre 20.79 bushels, al