The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1882-10-05
FUNNY BUSINESS.
Clipped and Arranged by Our
Laughing Hyena.


Laughing Hyena.
The power of the human eye can only
be fully appreciated when we'll regu-
lated wink will change bottle of tonic
beer into bottle of lager in spite of the
label.
They were popping corn in the kitchen
and popping corn is very pretty work.
do look" said Jessie, they go in naked
babies, and they come out snow white
angels and fairies"
The only conference which the Sultan
never delays nor begs for more time on
is when he meets the female selected for
his last wife. He was never known to
postpone marriage.
When you read of the shady groves
and sylvan dells and hidden waterfalls
and cool forests don't get anxious. Let
dozen mosquitoes hop on to you and
you'll feel as If you were there.
Peanuts are now sold minus the shells.
This Is really too bad. The girls can NO
more be cracking the tOOthsOme nut to
plague the minister and then throw the
shells at the boys across the aisles.
"Jim, does you know de kind OBJ 'igion
prOfess?" "Why, de MefOdist, doesn't
ye, Sam?" "NO, sab; no MefOdist for dis
chile; rs gwine to git some O. dat 'EgiOu
dey has in Egypt-dat Mo-hOm-edan,
Sam"
The other day mother was repeating
to her little son the story Of Jesus walk
ing on the water. and after concluding,
the precOciOQs lad thought awhile and
then exclaimed, "BarnUm ought to have
that man."
A police court reporter describes Q
bruise on a negrO's head as being "blaek
as the condor wing of midnightS." 1t
will thus be seen that all the able writ
ers are not exclusively engaged on must--
cal criticisms.
'HOw are the supplies, Dinah2" asked
gentleman Of his colOred cook, just be-
fore starting down town. We'll, sah,"
responded the sable mistress of the
kitchen. 81 tink dab is combustibles
enough to last till tomorrow"
A philosopher says: There is period
in the life of every man when he would
like to get away from himself" AhP
yes, professor, we've been there. 1t was
just about green apple time, and we
were on the outside Of one of them.
A crusty old fellow once asked, what
is the reason that griffins, dragons and
devils are the ladies' faYOrite subjects
| embroidery designs?" "Ah, because
| they are continually thinking of their
husbands" was the lady's quick retOrt.
man pays fifty cents extra to take
| lduRuluR RdS "ull6 uhNIuR Ills GOUbu
pulled. The dentist could have pulled
six as we'll as one, and without any
| further cost. How much did the pa
tient lose by being so stingy Of his mo
lars?
Hs had owned setter dog, and this
was the story he told: "Yes, sir; the way
that dog was devoted to me was just
amazing. Why, he heard me say to my
wife that was pressed for money, and
| h nd tod ho Hovy hafn ~ Hn,.
tax was assessed"
Thousands of maidens now practicing
and acquiring the broom drill will make
troublesome wives for the cigarette
smoking young men in skin-tight pants.
Fancy one of those well-drilled women
hOurishing a brOOm-stick around the
head of disoOedient husband.
They sat together on the beach, she
with her red sunshade, and he with his
crooked stick. Cotton is up" he said,
referring to the material of her brilliant
canopy. so I've red" she replied. Then
she threw handful of sand in his hair,
and there was no end of fashionable
fun.
workingman: Said stranger to an
old resident of Omaha: who's that fat
fellow with a red ribbon, good clothes
and gold-headed cane?" "Why, don't
you kHowP" mo; who is it?" well,
that's President Walsh" What does he
do?" "Oh, he doesn't do anything; he's
a workingman."
Oscar Wilde says he shall write SON.
nets to Mrs.. Langtry when she is 80. AT
first blush this seems too awful to con-
template; but if he will only wait until
she Is 90, we are not going to get into a
state of mind about it, and neither will
Mrs. Langtry lose much sleep because of
this prOcTastinating threat.
The Southern young man has fire.
quently and unjustly been criticised for
not having the gumptiOn of his fore
fathers. But there is an Augusta youth
who, having but twenty-five cents left
lady love to an ice cream saloon and
said to the waiter: zone plate; I've had
mine."