The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-04-07
WHY WE LAUGH.

ELECTRICITY, sir, will be the death of
steam," "But how do You obtain all this
electricity9" "By steam."-Charirari.
The cat is the great American prima donna.
If boo;jacks were bouquets, her nine lives
would be strewn with roses.-Corier.Jo Jour
nal.
New Hampshire has double or 'Siam-
ese" male cat, and the native inhabitants
think that for music it is hard to beat this
Tom Tom.
"Well, you'll own she's got pretty foot,
won't you?" ayes, I'll grant you that, but
it never made as much of an impression on
me as the old MANS"
1t Is Frenchman, not an Irishman, who
advertises "a rare chance. For sale-Su-
perb dining-room furniture, genuine old oak;
warranted brand-new. ."-Boston Transcript
A little boy who has been used to receiv-
ing his older brothers old toys and clothes,
recently remarked: ana, will | have to
marry his widow when he dies ?"-N Y.
Herald.
The lieutenant was badly bitten, about
three inches from the end Of his vertebra,
aud twenty five miles from the mouth of the
Rio Grande, where he was stationed.-TeIds
Sitings.
Curious phenomenon When a mans
chestnut curls begin to turn gray 1t means
that he is fifty years old but when they be-
gin to turn black-that means that he is six
ty.-Paris Paper.
Only four weeks to May Day festivals
out in the ds-leeks-vIolets-s
sunshne-old logs-mud-blue vaults Of
heaven-sore throats-Queen of May-doc-
tors bill of Sl4.-Detroa Free Press.
Glass in history: Teacher: "Who was the
first man ?" First boy: "George Washing
tom" Teacher: "Next." Second boy:
"Adam." First boy Indignantly: ~ did
MT know you meant foreigners. Boston
Transcript.
The Boston Post can't see any object in
walking with girl unless you can put your
arm around her, and millions offemale voices
are crying out over the land: "Neither can
we."-Detrot Free Press. Why don't yeu
help stop the noise ?-Bost0n Post.
Said the stranger run over by hearse in
Philadelphia ~ don't mind dying! l can
stand that. But, oh, heaven, think Of dying
in this town, and having my death notice
appear in the papers with some of their
cursed Philadelphia death-poetry attached"
A yassar College girl challenges any girl
of any institution in the United States to
chew gum with her. She offers to chew a
hundred quarters worth of gum in a hum
dred consecutive quarter days. Gum to be
clear of hair and not mixed with shoemak-
ers wax.
A soft answer "Ah!" he exclaimed, as he
pressed her tenderly to him at parting
"Shall hold you in these arms again to-
morrow and paint our future with the bright
pigments of the imagination?" "No," she
she said calmly. "Not tomorrow. To-
morrow's Brooklyn Eagle.
"How are you and your wife coming on?''
asked a Galveston man of a colored man.
"She's me off, boss" "What's the mat
ter?" "I is to blame, boss. / gave her a
splendid white silk dress and den she got so
proud she had no use for me. She lowed l
was too dark to match de dress.-Terds
Sifings.
There is a wealthy brewer in Montreal
who built a church and inscribed on 1t
"This church was erected by Thomas Mol
son at his sole expense. Hebrews Xxx" Some
of the McGill College boys got ladder one
night and altered the inscription so as to
make it read: This church was erected by
Thomas Nelson at his souls expense. lie
brews XX."-N. Y. Post.
Shakespeare's Irish characters: "Whicl
| of Shakespeare's plays do you like, Mr.
| O'Flannigan ?" swell, like the Irish ones
the best" "And which may those be, Mr.
| O'Flannigan ?" sAre you SO ignorant a
that, me sen? Sure yer eddication's beel
sadly neglected. Why, o"rhel!o, Corr.
| OLanus, Mike Beth, and Katherine and Pa
Ruchio."-Sprinadetd Republican.
A little girl was presented with canar
OH Sunday, and, after bestowng the gift, he
uncle said Well, Efie, suppose you
bird will only sing hymns to-day?" "
know he WILL" said the demure little miss
who had recently been reading about song
birds and their habits. What makes yo
so sure of y" curiously asked the eiver {
it. "'Cause it's him Bird" was the naiv
reply.