The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-08-24
81 Haint Gwine To, Do Hit.~

was far gone in consumption, was tied to
a lamp-post, and standing on the side
walk in front of Nose Schaumburg's en-
porium, on Austin Avenue. The colored
porter came out, and seeing the pony
tied to the lamp post, and old Uncle Nose
leaning against it, said banteringly:
..Look heah, ole man, jess you onhitch
dat ar crow bait from often dat ar lamp
pos'."
81 amt gwine ter do hit." said Uncle
Nose, sullenly.
"Why don't yer hire cart" continued
the colored porter, and hab him moved
out inter de mesquite bushes whar de
buzzards kin hold convention on de
ole bag OBJ bones? Ontie your hoss, ole
man, hit am agin de law ter tie hosses
ter lamp POSSESSES.
81 haint gwinc ter do hit," replied old
Nose.
..r II see about dat ar" responded the
colored porter, SO hc went in and told the
clerk, who came out, and said:
"Look here, uncle, you will have to
move that horse. He draws flies, and
besides, he may fall down ON somebody
and break some customer in two. You
will be fined if you tie your horse to a
lamp post. Unhitch him right Off"
Il haint gwine ter do hit.''
"You ain'tp-well, I'll show you," so
the clerk went in and told Nose Schaum-
burg himself, that sassy nigger had
tied his horse to the lamp post, and cash
customers were afraid of being kicked,
and were doing their trading at other
stores.
Schaumburg came out in his shirt
sleeves, with yard-stick in his hand,
and said coaxingly to old Nose, with a
genial smile:
s.Mine fren, we're you gets dot fine
FLOODED animal? wish you would do me
the favor to move him away mine door
pefore.''
81 haint gwine ter do hit"
al dells you vat" urged Schaumburg,
"ven you dakes dot horse away right of
some of desc fine days don't you forget
it. makes you a splendid Christmas
present of bair of nish new suspend
ers, by schimminy grashus.'
81 done tole yer. haint gwine ter do
hit
Then Schaumburg lost control of him.
self. Before anybody could prevent
him, he ran his hand into his hip pocket.
Old Uncle Moses eyes began to stick
out, and his legs to wabble about, when
Schaumburg drew forth, not pistol, but
police whistle, upon which he began to
improvise lively tune.
About forty men, supposing fight
was going on, poured out of neighbor-
ing saloon, like bees out of hive. The
gentlemen who sit in front of the Bruins
wick hotel. and squirt tobacco juice on
the sidewalk, went on the doublequick
to where Schaumburg was still engaged
on his solo. There were men in the
crowd with towels about their necks
and lather on one side of their faces
Upwards of two hundred excited mer
were gathered around Schaumburg an6
Uncle Nose, the former still playing or
his wind instrument, while the sly ole
nigger was holding his hand to his ear
and his head on one side, as if Schaum
burg intended the musical performanc,
for the special amusement of the aget
African. Everybody in town, excep
the police, seemed to be there, and every
body suspected Uncle Nose of some hor
rible crime.
Finally two policemen in uniform
pushed their way through the crowd
and with drawn revolvers wanted t.
know what was the cause of the riot
Schaumburg brought his concert to ;
close, and pointing to Uncle Nose, said
"He won't dake his old horse from do
lamp post avay.'
II haint gwine ter do hit," said Uncl
Nose, solemnly.
..Uncle Nose, why don't you until
that horse and lead him otf?'' asked
friendly voice in the crowd.
'Because dat ar hoss don't belong te
me. l hain't gwine ter ontie and Leaf
off q hoss I nebbcr seed before. rs
seed too many men in Texas tied up s.
dar feet didn't reach the ground fo
foolin' wild horses what didn't belong II
EN-"
There was roar from the crowd.
"Why didn't you say before that
wasn't your horse?" asked the indignan
policeman.
s.Bekase nobody asked me-"
The crowd began to disperse good
humoredly, Notwithstanding the voice Q
Schaumburg could be heard severe
blocks off, like the voice of one crying i
the wilderness: "Schentlemens, dom
tear yourselves away. Choost walk rigt
in and inspect my new stock of schentle
manly underwear, shoes, boots, hat:
which vas being given away to max
room for new goots. ."-Teras StftIngs.