News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-10-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

body.
To PITY distress is but human to re-
lieve it is godlike.
THE smooth speeches of the wicked
are full of treachery.
Do YOU ever look at yourself when you
abuse another person
WBAT makes old age SO sad is, not
that our joys but that our hopes cease.
Mas. HOWE says women do not fall
in love any more. Placa woman IN
front of milliner's window and see II
she doesn't. Boston Transcript.
elbow CLUMSY you are r said the mis-
tress at the table, as the waiter spit the
sauce over a guests rich dress. 'There
won't be sauce enough to 30 round now.
Power and liberty are like heat and
moisture, where they are we'll mlxed'
everything prospers where they are
single, they are MISUNDERSTANDING.
THE Ohio widow who had an editor
puff her because she had made one
broom last her for seven long years,
went back after week and wanted hln
to lie and say it was a fat-iron instead
of a broom.--M. QUAD.
The Texas Rangers, according to the
lSiftings, wear no uniform; each man
dresses as his taste or the condition on
his finances may dictate. They are
uniformed, however, in soma things;
they all wear broad -brimmed sombreros,
and swear.
A CORRESPONDENT asks: "What time
of year do the days begin to shorten p
When you have a note in bank. A note
in bank is the great annihilator of time.
The days are crowded together in thin
layers, and the nights are like smear
from backing brush. = -ArkGnsGs
Traveller.
In recent lecture Henry Ward
Beecher said: "In this country smart
men have always chance. That Is
true enough but after they have had
it hundreds of them shake their country
and 20 to Canada and stay until the
directors fix up the affair with the
stockholders.
"JoHN, what is that peculiar smellP'
asked mans wife as he was trying to
steal IN bed without waxing her, about
Q a. m. "That is the incense we use in
the lodge room, my dear; it exales-it
exales-" eyes, know now" she
interrupted; "I recognize the odor-
Xxx alea." Detroit Free Press.
The title of the lesson was, The
Rich Young Man, and the golden text
was Gone thing thou laekest." A
teacher in the primary class asked q
little tot to repeat the two, and looking
earnestly into the young lady's face the
child said, "One thing thou lackest-a
rich young man. COngresation0tist.
81 sEE," said old Mrs. Anchovg,
that they are making car wheels out
of paper. What do you suppose tha7s
fol-, Mrs. BirdseyeG" "That, oh, Tva
no doubt they are getting scared abous
so many people being run over and cut
in two endwise and are trying to get
some kind of stuff that amt so
dangerous"
"WHAT man your father is !" ex-
claimed Mrs. Homespun, looking mp
from the letter she held in her hand.
sae says he has bought a French clock,
and shall bring it home with him. What
will it be good for except as an orna-
ment? None of us can tell the time by
it, unless you can, Edith. You know
something about French, don't you 2"--
Boston transcript.
"I-wANr heavy garden hoe" said a
farmer, entering Little Rock hard
ware store. "Want one of thee broad
! ones.'' After looking at several he re-
\ marked thnt none OF them we're NN-'~~-
enough, s. should think this wonid
be heavy enough for man OF your
size ?" sEMan Of my size Don't think
I'm gong to handle it, do you? No,
sir; it's for my wife. "-Ar&aHsat0
Traveller.
The colonel, who lives in the South,
was finding fault with Bill, one of his
hsnds, for neglect of work, aud saying
he would have no more preaching about
his place-they had too many protracted
meetings to attend. "Bill aiat no
preacher" says Sam. "He's only a
zorter." "Well, what's the difference
between a preacher and an exhorter ?"
"Why, you know, q preacher he takes
tex, an den he don got to stick to 1t.
But a'zorter he kin branch.
ROUGH on Sandy-Arabi Bey was
visiting his picket-lines one evening,
when he espied through field glass
party of Highlanders deploying in the
distance. "Allah- goozle - he ex-
claimed, "What's that ?" A French
officer, acting as his aid informed him
that they were detachment OF the
enemy's troops. "Thanks be to the
prophet, we shall succeed" cried the
Egyptian leader. England is too
poor to furnish breeches for the
soldiers"