The Red Cloud chief., 1882-02-16
4 SPEECH BN MARK TWAIN"

Hotel. Montreal. Can. Wa> attended hN
nearly two hundred citizens of all
grades of prominence. Hon. Lmriu-
Seth Huntington occupied the chair.
and after IN" Queen of England and the
President of ia" United States had been
toasted IN" Chairman proposed Our
Guest Mr.. TWAIN tn" her" of the
h"ur. WIS received with much applause.
and when it had subsidized h- ~aid:
Mr. chairman and G"u;lcm"u:
That Il banquet should be given la me
in this ">trn>ihly foreign land and in
this "rrat city. and that NV ears should
toe greeted hy >IIch complimentary words
from such distinguished lips. are cIni-
rent surprises Ia me. and | will not ron
rcal TIA" fact that they are also deeply
gratifying. | thank You. "a and all.
gentlemen. for these marks of favor and
frirndlinc>~. and. even if | have not
really or sufficiently deserved them. |
assure ynu that | do moi ANY the less
kr"nly enjoy and esteem them "n that
count
When a stranger appears abruptly
in a countrv without auy appar-
rnt business there. and N an unusual
season of the year. TIA" iudici"u~ thing
for him 10 Il" i t"rNplain. Laughter.
This Seems peculiarly necessary in my
ease on com of Il series of unf"rtu-
nat" happenings here which followed my
arrival. and which | suppose the public
have felt compelled To- cnnnrc with
that circumstance. | would mos clad
IL explain if | could. but | have nothing
for my dcfrn>. but my bare word: - |
simply declare. In all sincerity and with
my hand on my heart. that | never
heard of that diamond robbery till | saw
ii in ia" mornin" papers Ilam@ht"rl.
and can say with perfect truth that
never >aw that h"N of dNmamit" till the
police cam" {" inquire If | had any more
of il. Uproariou~ laughter. ThrS" are
mere assertions. | grant You. but they
come from the lips Of one who was
never known Ia utter an untruth except
for practice. and vino certainly would
mot - ~~tultify the traditions uf an up
ri@hi life IL Ia utter nn" now in a
>irangc land and in such Il presence a.
This, where there j. nothing to Ice gained
hN il, and he does not need ANY prac-
iicc. brought with me To this city a
friend. a Boston publisher. but alas,
rvcn this does not sufficiently explain
these sinister mysteries. Ii | had
brought u Toronto publisher along tn"
case would have been different. But no.
possibly not. The hurglartn"k tn" iia-
mnnd studs. hut left the shirt. Only 4
reformed Toronto publisher would have
left the shirt. Loud cheers and laugh
TER.
To continue my explanation: | did
not come To- Canada To commit crime
this Time. came here to place myself
under the protection of Canadian law
and secure a copyright | have com
piled with the requirements Of the law.
| have followed the instructions of some
of the best LEGAL minds in the cjty, in
Guiding my own. and 80 my "rrand i
accomplished. nj least 80 far H. any rN-
crtion> of mine can aid that accom-
pii>hmcnt. This i a rather cumhcr-
some way t. fence and fortlfv n :
property against the literary huccancer.
i, i true: sill. if il i effective ii * "A
great advance upon past conditions. and
one Ia hr corrcspondingly welcomed.
II makes one hope and believe thai u
,laV will come when in the eve of the
law literary property will be ~ sacred
a whisky laughtcrl. n n other ofth"
n"ccS>aricS Of life. Renewed laughter.
In This acre of ours If YOU steal another
man label Ia advertise Your own brand
nf whisky with Won will Ice heavily fined
and otherwise punished for violating
that trademark. Hear. hear If Won
steal the whisky without the trademark
Won 20 Ia Jail. Laughter. But if you
could prove that the whisky WAS iitcra-
iurr Won could steal them both. and the
law wouldnt say Il word. Applause
and laughter. Ii g~ricvcS me 10 think
how far more profound and rcycrent
respect the law would have for litera-
turr if a body could only get drunk on
it. Still. the world move The inter
c>t> of literature upon u Continent
are improving. Let us he content and
wait. We have with us here Il fellow
craftsman born on our own side of the
Atlantic. who has created an epoch i'm
This Continents literary history an au-
thor who has earned. and worthilv
earned. and received the vast di>tinc-
ti"n of being crowned by the Academy
of France. Loud cheers. This i
honor and achievement enough for the
cause and the craft for one decade.
A>Surcdly. if one may have the priv
lcgc of throwing in Il personal impress
sion or two. | may remark that my stay
in Montreal and Quebec has been cN-
c~redin~ly pleasant. but the weather has
been a good deal of a disappointment.
Canada has Il reputation for magnificent
winter weather. and has a prophet who
i bound bv every sentiment of honor
and duty Ia furnish il. but the result
this time has been 4 mess of character
less guesSeS of which all right feeling
Canadians are probably ashamed. Still.
only the country i 10 blame. Nobody
has a right TO blame the prophet. for
This wasn'tthe kind of weathcrhe prom
iSed. Laughter and cheers. Well.
never mind. What YOU lack in weather
YOU make up jim the mean of grace.
This is the first time | WAS ever in a city
where YOU couldn throw a brick with
out breaking Il church window: Vet |
was told YOU were going To build one. /
said: The scheme is good. but where
are YOU going Ia find the room?:1 They
said: We will build il on top of an
other church and use an elevator"
Laughter. This shows that the gift
of living is not dead in the land.
suppose must come in the sum
mel to get the advantage Of the Cana
dian scenery. 4 cabman drove me two
miles up a perpendicular hill in a sleigh
and showed me an admirable snow
storm from the heights of Quebec. The
man was an ass. | could have seen the
snow-storm as well from the hotel win.
dow and saved my money. Still, | NAV
have been the ass myself. There is no
telling. The thing is all mixed up in
my mind. but anyway there was an ass
in the party, and | do suppose that
wherever a mercenary cabman and a
gifted literary character are gathered
together for business there is bound 10