Smyrna times., 1882-05-03
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS

Barnum's monkeys look sad. very sad
They nave heard of the death of Darwin
Illinois is besieged by woman suffragists
and the congressman from that state are
i'll O. noise.
Jesse James was Il total abstaincr lie
knew that drink would interfere with his
Amin life
Gotham 5 dog show has closed and the
cultured New Workers are wondering
what to do next.
JAY Gould's income is estimated at
sG2.50 a minute, making more than 81
every second of time.
MacLcan has saved his neck Oh. why
did not l spend 4 few days in lunatic
asylum iirst.-GpHear.
The Buffalo Netra calls for company
TO insure the obtaining ofinsurancc. This
is just what is wanted. that's fact.
Mr. Oscar Wilde has made $4,000 out
OF his lectures. He points 10 it whea in
quired of as TO the utility of beauty.
Senator Vest. Of Missouri, started in life
as a newspaper reporter. Instead of be-
ing pulled down, that Vest pulled himself
up.
Don't ask too many tavorS OF your
friends. You may fall heir to Il fortune
some day and then they will all retaliatc
at once.
Chinese laundrymen conc high some
times. but they do not return children.
clothes impregnatpd with lacaslcs and
chickcnpox
Chicago's pet project OF establishing q
mammotA home for all inebriates ha,
failed. They found it would cost to mucl
to roof over The city
4 Bcccher says no man without healthy
stomach can be good over two hours
day. We trust Mr.. Bcecher has got hi
stomach cured. --Boston POST
The queens daughters always speak 0
her majesty a> ma, Yet they would b
highly Indignant if any one should asl
sympathetically. How's your map
An essence Of onions is now sold 70
seasoning purposes. Its great advantag
lies in the fact that it can be used withou
letting everybody in the country know il
Heard at a chicken f,nciers: Yes, Ii
going to have lot Of chickens this seasOl
have no ground to speak of, but m
ncighbors have plenty and the fences ar
low
Give your children plenty Of outdOC
air.-W'est Chester Republican. Yes; an
then sit up all night with Group medicin
bottle in one hand and spoon in th
other.
A Berks county farmer hired strang
colored man the other day, and on askin
his name. received in stentorian tones II
answer. Andrew jackson" The farmt
ftinted.
Advice 10 wives-man is very mut
: like an egg-keep him in hot water al
he is bound to become hardened.-C
icle. Yet if never in hot water he is a
to spoil.
The Oil City Derrick man philanthrol
2 cally announces that he will receive co
| tributions for the widow of Jesse jaime
e but frankly admits that she will never S
= the money.
Jumbo, being an elephant, escaped Of
inhiction He was not button -holed
twenty-five New York interviewers
the vessel landed, all asking al ono
Chow do You like America p
f Barnum'S show is now the greatest tel
peraMcc organization III the countr
1 Barnum is the lecturer, his employ
:. practice his precepts and Jumbo go
along as the frightful example.
At the theatre the other night a ha
tip-y fellow raised big family umbrel
= and nearsighted gentleman behind h
! politely whispered, Madam, would y
= object to removing your Gainsborough
Il 4 Boston journalist says "a kiss
Il each falling star is the lovers rule" tt
c may do in Boston, where it takes sol
time to remove eyeglasses, but it won't
here. The falling stars are too few a
far between.
# Digitated stockings, or stockings havi
:. separate compartment for each toe,
; the latest feminine foolishness. Betwe
If putting on stockings of that kind a
h working on tight gloves the belle of
c future will never be able to catch a ira
d If, as alleged, the new-stylc purI
n pencil leads are poisonous, sOmethi
l, should be done about it, for any will;
e can get rid of a woman by presenting
y with one. The woman never lived W
n could use a pencil without sticking
II point in her mouth.
FEAR NoT.-All kidney and urins
d complaints, especially Rright's disea
- diabetes and liver troubles, Hop Bit
;" will surely and lastingly cure. Ca
es exactly like your own have been cured
lie your own neighbOrhood, and you can Fl
TX reliable proof at home of what Hop Bit
70 has and can do.
IF