Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-06-16

1t i8 not enough now Tor man TO be
dirty to be thought talented. New Or
leans Picayune.
Joe Emmett has Just paid 81, 500 for
dog. This looks as if Mr.. Emmett were
still drinking Courier. Journal.
All Indian remedies for bringing out new
hair will be regarded with distrust by
man who has been once scalped.-[ Pica.
yune.
Buffalo has got the baseball fever so bad
that man can't catch baby falling from
second story window without yelling
Judgment !"
Profanity is the masculine of tears, says
| the Boston Post, which is just as true as
That Mysteries is the feminine of argument
Bonneville Journal.
A Western girl baby has six arms. We
may therefore hope that in due season one
young woman will be able to do up her
back hair in less than three hours.-[El.
mira Free Press.
OF miserly man, who died Of softening
Of the brain, local paper says: "His
head gave way, but his hand never did.
His brain softened, but his heart couldn't.
New York Post.
Speaking of leading editorial upon
The Mule, in a st. Louis paper, the
| Kansas City Times says 1t reads like
an autobiography. Personal and descrip-
tive journalism is very popular in st.
| Louis.
The Empress Augusta Of Germany is
having a magnificent bronze inkstand
made for Count Won Moltke, but anybody
/ who has seen the Counts picture will
readily excuse the Emperor for not being
jealous.
The squabble between Joe Howard and
the Court because Joe is ald.headed and
his scalp gets cold If he doesn't wear
skuli-cap, raised the trial of the Malleys
almost to the level of the Guiteau circue.
Fl Boston Post.
An article going the rounds is headed
How to Treat the World" Why, man
couldn't do that if he owned nine distiller-
/ les and all the mines in Leadville, unless
4 the blue ribbon movement holds its grip
better than it does here.--( Denver Hello.
There are seventy-seven elephants in
this country.-[ Yonkers Gazette, Yes,
we know; and when man goes ont to
see one he wakes in the morning with the
impression that there are ten thousand of
them, all stamping on his brain.-I Detroit
Chaf.
L Small boy" Say, pa, can | go and see
the show 2" Hard-hearted father" No,
E my son, but if you want to see as fierce
Hooking animals as ever showed their teeth,
just eat piece of mince pie and couple
Of cucumbers before going to bed. ITO.
ledo American.
The London Daily Ne0s, referring to the
I LII e T., lk.,S l1,,
says q 1t is queer state Of society to be
co.existent with telephones, banks. lect-
urer, railways and culture" II the editor
of the Ne,cs thinks anything is too queer to
be co-existent with the average telephone,
he is mistaken.
A London paper says that Tennyson
likes drowsy, brown, autumn hillEides,
somnolent sheep, and deep, dark, inland
lakes, not easily accessible or too near. ;"
! Mr.. Tennyson is right. No family circle
is complete without brown, autumn hill.
side and q somnolent sheep or two.
Douphnuts and beer are also very beauti.
full.
81 say, pa" said young hopeful at
breakfast '.what do they mean when
they talk about political firt. "a
political flirt, my son, is a despicable kind
Of a man who goes from one party to an
other for the sake of office. Why do you
ask" "Oh, nawthin' much. Only up to
the store last night they said you was the
msanest political firt in these parts, and
thought at the time it wasn't much OF q
compliment. - New Haven Register.
"Gentlemen, I want to announce right
here" he said, as he stood up and laid his
hand on the shoulder of the sleeping-ear
porter, "that this is an honest fellow. In
nv Observation-Disclosures, few minutes ago,
I gave him half dollar for a quarter. He
has returned it to me.v Eyes, sah-yes,
sah," replied the porter, as he ducked his
head and scraped his foot; eyes, sab,
kase it's got hole in it, sab, an | reck
oned you was tryin' TO beat me outer ten
cents RI Free Press.
"Then you are paying attention to old
Grinders daughter, are you, my son -
Yes, mother / have waited upon Miss
Grinder somewhat. She's nice sort Of
girl Father got money" Precious
little good that'll do you, my son. He's
the closest man in these parts" But
you know, mother, he can't live forever,
and Don't you be too sure. I've
known old Grinder for forty years, and
he hasn't died yet" This set the young
man to thinking. New Haven Register.
A tramp with some combs for sale was
sinking up 10 the side door of house, bui
the dog came round the corner and seized
hold of the tail of his coat. The man wal
skulking out, when the owner Of tn.
, house, German, came and asked, /" Die
, dose dog bide you ?" He didn't bite me
but he tore my coat, !" was the reply. "M,
: mot frierd avcueo doaa d,xx &c L. I:l-,