The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1882-06-24
Umbrellas.

Ntih OlthEo Oub lut uulDlOlI1Ss Ills
may not be very profound observation,
but 1T compares favordbly with the prov
erb that night brings out the stars, both
in profundity and originality. Yester-
day being a rainy day in this city and
its suburbs, umbrellas swarmed in tie
streets and dripped all over people in
the street cars. Most of these umbrel-
las were comparatively new, and the
fact suggests the questions: What be-
comes of old umbrellasp r.- 1--rtr.H E
There are at present in this country
at least twenty-four millions of private
umbrellas, exclusive of those remaining
unsold in manufactures and shops,
Each umbrella-owner buys at least one
new umbrella every year, his previous
one having been stolen, lost or worn
out. We thus see that there is an an
nual apparent disappearance of twenty
four millions of umbrellas, and the mo-
ment we fully comprehend this fact we
perceive the Importance of the question:
What becomes of these umbrellasp es
Wemay admit that many of them are
stolen, Men who would not steal one
cent postage stamp will, nevertheless,
feel no hesitation in Selling upon any
umbrella that is temporarily separated
from its owner and in CARRYING it off
with triumph, About one-sixth of the
title to all umbrellas now in active use
is probably OF this mi-felonious nature.
There is said to be rich umbrella-sell-
er in this city whose stock costs him abb
solutely nothing Since tits collected by
playing upon the conscienoes of his fell
low-men. He walks along Broadway,
and when he sees desirable umbrella
he stops the man who is CARRYING it aud
remarks. /" Excuse me, my friend,s but
you have my umbrella. - p Atleastev
fourth man thus stopped knows that his
title to the umbrella in his possession
will not endure investigation, and so he
hastily surrenders, the umbrella, remark
ing as he does so:u"I was looking for
an owner for it. and intended to send it
to Police headquarters this afternoon"
On every overcast and threatening day
this ingenious collector-who is always
followed by a boy with, hand-eart-
gathers in from seventy-five to one hun
dred umbrellas, which he afterward
at the usual retail price.
But, conceding that one-sixth of our
active umbrellas are stolen or sold for
the second time, there still remain
eighteen millions Of mbrelias whose
annual disappearance ) to be accounted
for = Let US assume that Of this number.
two millions are furnished with new
covers and fresh coat of varnish, and
so re-enter into circulation as new lIm-
brellas. Still there are sixteen millions
more which vanish utterly from the face
of the earth. y.
In the case of the disappearance of
pins-a familiar subject which has oc-
cupied, for many years, the attention of
our statisticians and other scientific
persons-it is easy to say that their
small size enables them to successfully
conceal themselves. Old umbrellas
have not this advantage. Next to a
hoop-skirt, an old umbrella is the most
obtrusive thing in nature. Not only
does it refuse TO conceal itself, but it
attacks every one who comes within its
reach and clings desperately to his legs
and garments. Its ribs protrude in all
directions, like the tentacles of the oc-
topus, and no amount OF force or inge-
nuity can compress it into asmall space.
To get rid of an old umbrella will be
seen, on reflection, to be apparently one
of the most abstruse and difficult of
problems.
1t Is well established that old umbrel-
las are not kept in houses. The house.
wife when questioned as to what has be-
come of any given old umbrella will
always reply vaguely: "Oh, it has been
thrown away OF course, this cam not
be understood literally. If sixteen
millions OF old umbrellas were thrown
into the street every year they would be
blown about in clouds much thicker
than the ordinary city dust cloud and
there would not be horse or pedestrian
in existence who had not sustained in
juries from old umbrella ribs. When
the housewife "throws away" an UNI
brella it unquestonably vanishes, but
what she calls throwing away" is
obviously peculiar and mysterious act
Hasty thinkers may assume that old
umbrellas are cast out into vacant lots,
where they are promptly devoured by
goats. This may seem plausible
theory to any one but a zoologist. The
latter knows, however, that while the
goat may be roughly described as an
omniverous animal he is not umbrel-
liverous. Undoubtedly goats do eat
hoop-skirts, and in the days when hoop
skirts were fashionable, thousands of
goats were fattened upon them ex-
clusively. The umbrella has so many
of the characteristics OF the hoop-skirt
that one would naturally suppose that
it would tempt the appetite ofgoats, but
it is well-ascertained fact that for some
unexplained reason no goat will touch an
umbrella, except when suffering from
starvation. Prof. Tyndall kept a goat
for seven days without food, and offered
him, an old lIunhralla oyarv dow bnt tho