Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1882-03-30
MARK TWAIN ON THE PiLGki"'
The Humorist's Speech at the N''
England Dinner in PhiIadelphia'

The HumOristS Speech al u'o
England Dinner in philadelphia
Mark Twain attended the banqus
of the New England society of fen''
sylvania, at Philadelphia, the o.n'
evening, and in the course of WHY
| speech, said: =
II rise to protest. have kept sun
for years, but reallyI think there Is NV !
sufficient justification for this sort Vi
thing. Whatdo you want to celebrate
these people fOr:-those ancestors VI
yours, of lG20-the Mayfower trioe
mean. Whatdovou want to celebrate !
them for: Your pardon--the gentle
man at my left assures me that you
are not celebrating the Pilgrims them
selves, but the landing of the Pilgrims
at Plymouth Rock on the 22d OF De-
cember. So you are celebrating tlleir
landing. Why, the other pretext was
thin enough. hut this is thinner thah
ever: the other was tissue. tlni"h.
fish-bladder, but this is gold leaf.
Celebrating their landing! What
was there remarkable about it, lwould
like to know? What can you be
thinking of: Why, those Pilgrims
had been at sea three or four months.
1t was the very middle of winter; 1t
was as cold as death off Cape Cod,
there. Why shouldn't they come
ashore? If they hadn't landed, there
would be some reason in celebrating
the fact. 1t would have been a case
of monumental observation-disclosures
which the world would not Willingly (
let die.
People always progress. You are
better than your fathers and grand
fathers were (this is the first time 1
have ever aimed measureless slander
at the departed, for l consider sucn
things improper). Yes, those among
you who have not been in the penl-
tentiary, if such there be, are better
than your fathers and grandfathers
were; but is that any sufficient reason |
for getting up annual dinners andcel
ebrating you: No, by no means-by
no means.
Well, 1 repeat, those Pilgrims were
a hard lot. They took good care Of
themselves, but they abolished every
body else's ancestors. i am border
ruffian from the banner State OF Mis-
souri,: / am Connecticut Yankee by
adoption. In me you have Missouri
morals, Connecticut culture; this,
gentlemen, is the combination which
makes the perfect man. But where
are nv ancestors: Whom shall 1cel-
citrate? Where shall | find the raw
material: My first American ances-
tor, gentlemen, was in Indiana; an
early Indian; your ancestors skinned
him alive. and am an orphan. Not
one drop of my blood flows in that
Indian veins to-day. l stand here
lone and forlorn, without an ancestor.
They skinned him. l do not object
to that, if they needed his fur. But
alive. gentlemen, alive. They skinned
him alive, And before company
That is what ranllIes. Think how h,
must have felt: for he was a sensitiv,
person and easily embarrassed.
If he had been a bird it would hav,
been all right. and no violence don
| to his feelings. because he would hav
been considered "drcSsed;" but h
was not a bird, gentlemen he was
man. and probably one of the mos
!; undressed men that ever was. as
: You to put yourself in his place.
ask it as favor: | ask it as tard
act of Justice: ask it in.the interest {
fidelity to the traditions of Your n
cestors: | ask that the world ma
1 contemplate. with vision mohstruc,,
Y by Disgusting Swallow-tails and whit
cravats. the spectacle which the trl
New England society ought to pr
sent. Cease to come to these annu
orgies in this hollow modern mockcl
this surpluSa@e of raimcnt: con
in character, come i'll summer orac
come in the unadorncd simplici(,
come in the free and joyous costun
o which your sainted ancestors provide
for mine.
d Now listen 10 me. Why do yo
wish to perpetuate these societies:
{ want you TO stop right here and di
r band. Begin by selling Plvmout
Rock at auction. In the great wealt
of rocks in New England this parti,
u ular rock would bring perhaps thirt,
:. five cents. If you don't sell if ,hro
, it open to the patent medicine ma,
l. Do something to make a start q
# this table see water and mill, on
e even the deadly lemonade. You a,
70 on the downward path. Tn = fe
e years you will surely reach eide
), Pause while it is not too late r,
v still have as high an opinion of vc
and your ancestry as l can under Il
circumstances. My grandfather use
to say that it would be hard to in
prove on the good old Plymou,b s,oe
unless the person We're born !, N;
t souri, -
~ Political Information,
:. To the Editor of the Post-Dispatcb.
MEXICO, Mo, March 20.-P,easo ,,,
g the following questions snl ohl;- "ii' "