The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1882-09-15


you'll have to turn it around sideways"
"That's what we want to dor fairly
shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke, clssping his
arm around the mast and bringing his
head against it in fury of desperation.
1T took you to get the idea! Holy frog,
if only had time to fit you out with a
Presidents flag and an appropriation
what navy you'd make!' and Mr..
Spoopendyke again dashed his head
against the mast. ''You hit itr' he
yelled. THAT'S the scheme! All you
want now is foreign flag and politi-
cal Custom House to be the whole
American merchant mariner' and Mr..
Spoopendyke dashed aft, seized the til
Ter and jerked away at it with one hand,
while with the other he hauled away at
the main sheet in a vain hope that he
might get some Roadway from some di-
rection.
what are you trying to do, dearp"
timidly asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, dodg-
ing the flying boom.
"Do," yawped Mr.. Spoopendyke, grow
ing madden 81 am trying to reconcile
this sail to the idea that a travelling idiot
asylum in white skirts and red shawl
isn't dangerous! What dye s'pose Pm
trying to dop Think I'm hauling my
arms out of the sockets to amuse the
children Think I'm Hopping this sail
around to keep it from getting sun
burnedp Well, l ain'tr' he howled,
seeing that the tide was drifting his bow
around and setting him in shore broad
side on. "And 1 amt wiggling this
business to keep the moths out! I'm
sailing, 1 am! Here's where you get
your canned seamanship! Hear mep"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke rammed around
in the boat, now kicking the tiller and
then the boom. "See how proudly we
cut the wavesp" and just then the rud-
der came out of the stern post and hung
in his hands. "Notice how we dance
across the measly billowsp" and Mr..
Spoopendyke plunged head foremost in
to the canvas like sail needle, and
sank helpessly into the bottom of the
boat.
''How nicely we are goingr' echoed
Mrs. Spoopendvk e, who could afford to
latter, seeing that she was safe III the
mud. Upon my word, it is quite like
a ferry boat"
''More desiccated marine informa-
tion!' squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke, ang-
ling for himself around in the bottom of
church across his back. That's your
notion of sailing! s'pose you've got
some kind of dog house idea that this
packet goes by steam! Well, it don't,
tell YEP and his voice arose as he
found that it was athwart and not
church. ut goes by wind. when the
wind knows enough to blow! Hear
thatp Ferry boat! Oh, ferry boatr'
At this point his voice sank into the bit
terest sarcasm. you've got it down
fine! You see through this business!
All you want is fog horn and State
Central Committee Endorsement to be
Secretary of the Navy! If had your
intelligence on maritime affairs, I'd buy
a cooked hat, apply for a pension and
advertise myself as an admiral in search
of q respectable job and offer the best
city references! How are we going to
get ashorep"
1--WE are ashore, DEAR" replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
Mr.. Spoopendyke ducked under the
sail, which had all along prevented him
from seeing the situation, and discov-
well up on the land.
"Dod CAST the shorer' he yelled.
"Why didn't you tell me there had been
land slide? Why didn't you let me
know that the channel had shiftedP
Why"
"But we've been here all the time!"
demonstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Mr.. Spoopendyke looked at her help
lessly for moment Then he stepped
ashore, and hauled his wife after him.
The next instant he sent the boat into
the stream with vigorous kick, and
jamming his hands into his pockets led
the way to the railroad bridge without
q word.
81 don't care, painted Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, struggling along after him. 1--WE
had real pleasant sail, and the only
time the thing didn't go sideways was
when it was stuck in the mudr
That's the worst of them skilfsr'
muttered the fisherman, who had
watched the sailing exploit with pro-
found interest. "They amt got any
keel nor center board, and a man may
sit all day ON lee shore and think he's
maxim ninety knots an hour, till the
wind changes, jibes his sail and shows
him to himself half way up treep'-
Brooklyn Eagle.