River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-03-09

what that naughty Jack said.
But there | must 90. Sisters coming. But
wish | could wait just to see
If she ran up to YOU and kissed you in the way
that she used to kiss Lee"
CROOKED WAYS.
Like good many other young men
and women too, for that matter
was once badly afflicted with cacoethes
scYibendi. Of course greater evils might
have befallen me; l might have been
seized with passion for whisky OF
gambling; but, still, my cacoethes scrib-
endi was serious enough. During my
college days the symptoms showed
themselves plainly; but the malady
did not really assume its true and aw-
full proportions until | had taken my
degree. Then, forsooth, it fastened up
on me like leech, and before many
months elapsed it overmastered me
completely. In accordance with my
mothers wish, went to Dundas osten-
sibly to read law with my uncle, but it
was a mere pretense of law-reading,
for the mornings that | ought to have
spent over Blackstone were devoted to
the composition of a novel and the af-
ternoons to the polishing of some poems.
Uncle Dick shook his head gravely and
demonstrated, sometimes in sadness
and sometimes III anger.
"That scribbling will never amount
to anything" he would say contempt
ously. This was hard to bear; but my
lofty aspirations sustained me, and firm
in my belief of ultimate success, |
scrubbed on and ever, and bombarded
all the magazines in the country with
my manuscripts. The magazines did
not open their columns to me, and |
fell back at last upon the weekly news
papers, and especially upon the Boston
Weekly Palladium. That journal
printed my essays and certain as
sistant editor, whose initials were IF.
B. S." sent me polite notes from time
to time. 1t was something to see my
productions in print; it would have
been better had these productions
once in while brought in a check
But they never did; they elected only
polite notes from f. b. S. Finally, |
wrote letter to the assistant editor up
on the subject, and by return post | re-
ceived reply. 1t was sent to my pri-
vate box at the postoffice, but, to my
great amusement, was directed TO "Jane
Bell instead of "John." My hand
writing was not very distinct, and per-
haps trife feminine, and the sigma
ture, upon which 1 rather prided my
self, certainly left it an open question
whether John or Jane were meant.
The note, too, began
'tMIss BELL:-In reply to your ques-
ton, would say that this journal pays
its regular corps of writers. We are
glad to receive your articles, and per-
haps later may make adequate compen-
sation therefor; but as young writer,
it would be wiser for you to think at
present only of securing a foothold.
You have an excellent chance of success
in the end; but much patience is neces-
sary at the outset.
"Please say whether / shall direct fu-
ture communications to john Bell, Miss
Bell or Mrs. Bell. At present do not
venture to give you any title. Very truly
yours, f. b. SCREvEN.
This letter at once amused and piqued
me. 1t was pleasant and rather en-
couraging, but it was plain the writer
set me down as an impecunious young
woman, whereas the truth was had
very fair income of my own, and
six-foot, mustached specimen of mas
culinity. The idea of playing the role
of Miss Jane Bell tickled my fancy, and
therefore, giving my imagination free
rein upon the spur of the moment sat
down and wrote as follows:
"F. B. SCREvEN-At present | also
am in quandary, for | do not know
whether | ought to address you as
Madame, Monsieur, or Mademoiselle.
The last title is mine just now, although
of course / feel at liberty to change it
when / choose, or rather when the
proper opportunity offers itself. Per-
haps matrimony would be more profit
able speculation than literature. Do
not, however, suppose am dependent
upon my pen for my bread and butter.
In this case, fear, the butter would be
very thin indeed. No; the fates have
given me most of the luxuries of life;
but these, of course, do not satisfy me.
The reason why wrote as | did about
for my articles was simply be-
cause / thought if they were good
enough to print they were good enough
to be paid for. 1t seems / was mistaken;
but, to show you that take your ad
vice, send you another essay. | will
at least try to secure foothold and pray
that greater success may follow.
81 am. dear Madame, Monsieur, or
Mademoiselle Screven,
Sincerely yours,
JANE BELL"
Laughing in my sleeve, sent this
communication off, and planned that,
if the assistant editor sent me friend
" reply, would open a correspond
ence in my role of Miss jar Bell and
fool f. B. Screven as never 2 man had
been fooled before. Judge, then, Of
my dismay when | received letter IL
what / knew was Screvenis writing, but
not written on Office paper. and signed
Frances Bertram Screven. "A woman,
by Jove p | exclaimed there and then
in the postoffice, whereat a small boy
who was standing nigh, nearly swallow
ed in establishment the postage stamp
which he was licking. ! thrust the let
ter in my pocket and did not read it
until was safely at home. Thus the
missive ran:
DEAR Miss BELL. Your piquant
letter prompts p1e to write you a reply,
not as an assistant editor but as
woman like yourself, who is toiling up
the steep path that leads to Parnassus.
I might have known you were woman,
and young one at that, because,
although there is a touch of masculine