Middletown transcript., 1882-01-13
Ghr StliddletoBn Granstript
CHIPS.

There are twenty-five regularly Ii
censed match factories in the United
States, to say nothing about the num-
berless parlors and front stoops. Lock-
port Union.
A Kentucky COW has given birth to
ten calves in three years. What the
Kentucky liar can't make the Kentucky
COW do, isn't Of sufficient Importance to
put on record. Burlington HdlUkeye.
A polite and aesthetic young lady up
town is too too-too to speak Of the Eng
lish poet as Chaucer, so she calls him
Chewcer. She may choose her own
method of pronunciation. Ste,tbenUille
Herald.
''When 1 was an infant, " said Fogg,
"the women were forever kissing me.
And" he added, "I have done what l
could to get square with them since l
have grown to years Of discretion. =
Boston Transcript.
Two little girls, aged 4 and 6, had
Just had new dresses, and were on their
way to Sunday school. Said Eta, the
elder: "Oh, 1 have forgotten my
verse !" Il haven't forgotten mine"
replied the other. at is, Blessed are
the dressmakers. ''--Boston Trans
cript
A Rockland mother went to the door
and called the heir into the house.
i" You weren't sliding on Sunday, were
you, Freddie ?'' she reproachfully ex-
claimed. "No, mother" replied the
youthful Freddie proudly: " | cannot
tell lie-I was sliding on the ice. .
RockIand Courier.
The Hotel Reporter is publishing a
recipe, " How to Sleep in Sleeping
Carr Place no dependence omit; it is
intended to deceive. In the lexicon of
Pullman or Wagner there's no such
word as sleep. The price for an at
tempt, however-S2-remains as be-
fore.-Lockport Union.
DR.. Bliss has put in bill for S25, 600
for curing the President. We thought
one spell, when Bliss was 50 much af-
fected over the death Of his friend that
he cried like child, that his bill would
not be over S24, 900, but it seems as
though his grief wore off thousand
dollars worth when he took his pen
in hand and made out the BILL George
Peck.
The commercial traveller Of a Phila
delphia house, while in Tennessee, ap-
preached stranger as the train was
about to start, and said " Are you 60
ing on this train ?'' II am.n "Have
you any baggage ?'' "No." "Well,
my friend, you can do me favor, and
it won't cost you anything. You see,
I've got two rousing big trunks, and
they always make me pay extra for one
of them. You can get one checked on
your ticket, and we'll eucher them.
See ?'' Yes, see; but l haven't got
any ticket" "But thought you said
you were going on this train ?" $50 I
am. I'm the conductor . "Oh ~ He
paid extra as usual.-Philadelphia Bul-
letin.
Educated abroad: Among thewealthy
and fashionable audience that graced
the occasion of the opening of Wallack's
Theatre was Geraldine De We're Per
cival, the highly cultivated daughter Of
a millionaire Cincinnati pork-packer,
who had expended, it is said, some
$1,000 year on her education abroad.
She had heard Of the "School for Sean
dal, y but had never seen it performed.
After Mr.. Wallack's remarks she no.
ticed with surprise that the play was
resumed and asked: SIS nobody else
going to speak ~ "Not that | know
of, responded her escort. How
strange" +" continued the fair Cincinna'
tian, ''I think they might at least have
called out Mr. Sheridan. Didn't he
write the play ?''-BroOkIyll Eagle.