Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-02-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

them fate. e.-Beaconsfeld. "
A BURLINGTON, n j.. gin shop has
painted over the door, Entrance to the
Elevator"
An odd nickname A man calls his
wife Crystal, because she is always on
the watch.
IT is easier, remarks an exchange, to
remove the bark from the outside of
sausage than it is from the inside.
THE New Orleans Picdyltne says that
the real hero does not hang around
newspaper offices trying TO get his name
into print.
A MAN intruded into an Irishman
shantv the other day. "What do you
want?" asked Pat Nothing" was the
visitors reply. -.fThen you'll find it in
the jug where the whisky was"
A TART compliment: "Don't you
think that Miss Brown is a very sweet
girl ?" asked Henry. "Oh, yes, very
sweet" replied Jane; that is to say,
she is well preserved. ''-Boston Trans
script.
He was gored by an angry bull,
wrote reporter, in describing the
death of farmer. "Dont be tauto-
logical" said the editor; 'strike out the
word angry of course a good-natcsad
bull wouldn't do such thing"
AT A recent school examination the
son of coal dealer was asked how many
pounds there were in a ton. He was
sharp enough to reply: "Maybe you
think I'm going to give it away, and get
licked when go home. ."-BOston Post.
A GAMIN's idea of Wilde: "Who's
this ere Oscar Wilde ?" said street
Arab to his mate. "Oh, he's only
tall Mick that's put in here to show
people how mean man looks with his
little brothers pants on. ."-Ronae Sefstt-
mel.
They searched the school children at
Defiance, O., the other day to find a
dirk, and the result was the finding OF
26 pistols and revolvers, and six dirk
and stabbers. Ohio is where they tai
of the insecurity of life in Kentucky.
Louisville Journal.
GA PHILADELPHIA firm, few days
ago. drew their check for Sc, 767, 766. 70.
1t Is supposed the parties publish
newspaper, and wished to pax the
editors two weeks back Salary. rhegs
must have cut down their force sincs
last pay day. .-NorriSt0lCn Herald.
HE wasn't saying anything: M
and wife are all one, are they
said she. Yes; what of it p said
suspiciously. "Wby, in that ca
said his wife, s'I came home awf
tipsy last night and feel ter
ashamed of myself this morning"
never said word. -Teras Sitting
A THOUSAND men can go to W.
seven o'clock in the morning
the rim gIng of bell, and Why is
BOO people cannot assemble ine
without pre7 ioIls ding-dongin
half an hour ?-Frce Pl'eN
it's because they go ont az
to get money. Put a twentN
piece IN each pew every Su
You may sell your bell for Ole
COuricr-JouYn0i.
TOMMY was little rogue.
mother had hard work..to man
house in the country was re
feet from the ground, and :
escape a well-deserved whit
from his mother and crept
home. and hearing where the
taken refuge, crept under to b
out. As he approached on hi
and kness. Tommy asked, els S,
you, too ?"-Baptist Weekly.
THE following story Is told of 3
tinguished Edinburg professor: DesI
to go to church one wet Sunday he hi
a cab. On reaching the church door,
rendered a shilling-the legal fare
cabby, and was somewhat surprised to
hear the cabby say, "Twa shilin', sir.
The professor, fixing his eve upon the
extortioner, demanded why he charged
two shillings, upon which the cabman
dryly answered "We wish to discour-
age travelling on the Sawbath as much
as possible, sir"
A YOUNG bride, having just returned
from two weeks honeymoon;
was sitting between her father
band at a happy home repast.
versation was ga" and general.
pened to turn upon the Moo
Sankey hymns. La nouUclle H.. s-see,,s
who is given to punning, dryly said:
''Pa, do you know my favorite hymns?"
''No.' said the father. "Well," plac-
ing pretty hand on the shoulder
father and husband, "these two fellow
are the hims love the best"
AN AMUSING incident happened son
time back in an Aberdeen church,
which the minister, in the course of h
sermon, was comparing the pastor
relation to that of the shepherd and b
sheep. "My brethren" he said, ''sl
pose me to be the shepherd, and W,
to be the sheep, and Tammas Sangster
the precentor, to be the sheep-dog.'
Tammas, however, was not inclined tc
agree with this comparison, and ex.
claimed: "I'll be no mans sheep-dog'
Said the minister: "I'm speaking my
tically." "Na, na," reioined Tammas
'T ken fine We wisna speaking mystical
ly; We wis speaking maliciously, and
tried to gar the folk to laugh at M
we're oot aboot."
SEE the critic. He is tired.
closed his eyes. His chin touc>-w-.
breast. He murmurs through his nos
He Will say that the violins were ff
and the conductor was out of tune
morrow. This is violinist. He
long hair. Why does he squirm 81
| Is he sick d? Oh. MOI His hearers