Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1882-12-30
NORTHERN TRIBUNE.
SATURDAY. DECEMBER 30. 1882.
POking Fun at Lawyers.

Mr.. Browne thus begins the introduce
tion to his new volume, Law and Law
yers in Literature"
1t is my purpose to show how the law
and lawyers have been depicted in liter
allure. | shall do this by extracts from
the chief dramatiSts, noyelists, histOri-
ans, essayists, and moralists, with occa-
siOnal notes OF Illustration, suggestion
or protest. There Is, undoubtedly, and
always has been, tendency on the part
OF mankind to rail against and make
fun of all the learned professions. TO
call the Clergyman IA hyp0crite, the ply
stefan a murderer, and the lawyer liar,
has long been of the fayOrite amuse-
ments of numerically considerable
part of mankind. Much of this is mere
bandindge. but good deal is serious
and in the portion that Is not avOwedly
serious, there is frequently "a grain of
earnest. The msss of men do not love
men who are able to get a living, and
attain hOnOrs, without the use of money
or muscle. The capitalist thinks very
little of those who do not lean upon cap
ital; the merchant has no great respect
except for the results of the trade; the
mechanic is enviOus of one who is
not obliged to toll with his hands. So,
from all these classes, there is cOntin-
ual undercurrent of chatting of the pro-
fessiOnal men. They ar only tolerated be-
cause and when they are Indispensable.
The clergyman is called in to scare
away the terrOrs of sickness and death;
the physician is summoned to cure the
pains and ills of life; the lawyer is re-
tanned to rescue estates, to make wills,
to defend against criminal accusations.
Quite in proportion to the carelessness
and Indifference, or the hostility and
envy, with which the learned men have
been regarded, are the slavishness of the
dependence and the implicitness of trust
which are shown when the learned men
become necessary or convenient.
man who is or imagines himself dying
fOrgets the sport he has made of the
clergymans long face, sober dress,
solemn ways, set Speech and quarrels
with other sectarians, and has him in at
once to pray oyer him. Even if he has
neglected and scOffed at him all his life,
he is pretty sure to want him toward
the last. So, when man has the govt
or the stOmach-ache, he fOrgets what he
has merrily said about calOmel and high
dilutions, the fatality Of medical cOun-
ellis, the appropriateness of the doctors
heading the funeral procession, and the
like, and the shrieks for the doctor in a
IOdIluS dIuly. huu 81 WHtH HAL
wants contract or will drawn, or to
sue, or to defend a suit, or to get rid of
his wife, or to prevent his wifes getting
rid of him, or to rescue his own estate,
or to capture somebody else's, he retains
legal counsel, and fOrgets all about his
long speeches and long bills, his wig
and his gown, and his green bag, his
willingness to serve the first paying
conner. and his zeal, which, like the at
Fiction of hired mOurners in the east, is
at the service of his client without much
regard to his deserts. Men must have
somebody to laugh at and abuse, and
they do not always restrict themselves
to the learned profession in this regard.
There are certain trades people who
serve like purpose; as, for example,
undertakers and plumbers, who are
avoided as much as possible, but who
must be sent for in q hurry when the
water pipes burst, or the pitcher Is
broken at the fountain.
Michigan Crop Report, December LIST.
1882.
For this report returns have been re-
ceived from 760 correspondents, repre-
senting 601 townships. Four hundred
and eightytwo Of these returns are from
$50 townships in the southern four tiers
of counties.
The condition of wheat December l, is
estimated at "a iper cent compared with
vitality and growth of average years
and at 80 per cent of condition Deem
Der 1. 1881, The price No. white wheat
averages for the state 81 cents, No. 2, g
cents, and No. 3, 81 cents per bushel; ant
No. red averages %, and No. 2 red 8;
cents per busheI. Correspondents re
ported prices in their home markets.
The yield per acre of clover seed il
about II per cent. less than in 1881. Thu
condition Gas aregards flesh of beef cat
tie and sheep is slightly better than OF
December /, of last year.
Reports have been received of the guam
tity of wheat marketed by farmers dur
ing the month of November at 2S2 ele
yatOrs and mills. OF these, ZAP are il
the southern four tier of counties, which
is about One-half of the whole number o
elevators and mills in these counties
The total number of bushels markete
is1.322, 120, of which 202,672 bushels wer
maj keted in the first or southern tier
counties; 476, 1874 bushels in the secon
tier; ,799 bushels in the third tier
3OO,4O6 bushels in the fourth tier, an
127,O68 bushels in the counties north
the southern four tiers. At 81 elevator
and mills, or eleven per cent OF Tn
whole number from reports have bee
received, there was no wheat markete
during the month. = =.
The total number of bushels repOrte
marketed in the five months, July
November, is 5,535,753.
Sitj $1,000 Forfeit l't)
Having the utmost confidence Units 81
periority over all others, and afte
thousands of tests Of the most compl