The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-08-13
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM.
Is anybody betting on the Bey
now?-BuffalO ErprGSS.
"Short crops" is the cry in the bar
bers' shops at this season of the year.
Rev. DR.. Boggs believes in church
debts, because. he says, they in
crease the interest.
Some men are like oil poured On
the troubled waters of life, and other
men are like Oil-the oil of vitriOl.
An editor who was told that his
last article was as clear 2s mud
said: "Well, that covers the. ground,
anyhow"
What are the wild waves saying
On the sands near the hotel door,
"You've got to do some steep old paying
When you summer by the sad sea-
shore"
Candidates for Congressional hon
ors this fall will practices how to
trill the Or" in such words as liar
and scOundrel.
81 have a fresh cold" SAID a
gentleman to his acquaintance
"Why do you have a fresh one !?
Why don't you have 1t cured?"
In the wild west.-These hot
nights in Leadyille folks are fire.
quently covered with nothing more
than revOlver.-Denver Tribune.
Here is a good proverb, older than
Wall street. and yet it is not without
its application, 'Sell not 4 hear
skin before yOu'hav caught bear"
Oh, shoot the man,
With the palm LEST fan,
Who carries red, red nose;
And says, "WhOof; Whewl
hot enough for your"
Which is all the creature knows.
well, old fellow, what are you
doing nOw?" Nothing; but I've a
big scheme on foot. Lots Of money
in it," "A-ahl What is it?" sim
going into a banking house" "A-ah
After dark ?"
An old "bach" wanted to get even
with the widows of Williamsport,
Pa. who had gossipped about him
and so he left them $4,000 in
his will. He knew they'd fight
over it until the last dollar went to
the lawyers.
Pat Ito Sandy)-"Shure, now,
Sandy, yer goOd-lOoking fellow ;
but yer lace spOils yeZ greatly.
You've the fOine open cOunten-
ance, though" Sandy-"Ou. aye.
man, and ye haze the fine open cOun-
tenance, yerseH; but it's below the
nose"
In Springfield they have way Of
taking up collection just before
the clergyman reads his text. This
plan works we'll to prevent people
from leaving church before the ser
vices are concluded, but it is noticed
many wOrShiperS come in late.-Pe-
orid Transcript.
A scientific journal tells us that 9
little bird, the red-tail, has been seen
to catch 900 flies in an hour. If any
red-tail who happens to see this
paragraph is out of employment
just now it can find a G bod situation
at remunerative wages in any town
in Iowa. IOeCG State Register.
"What's the crowd about?" quer
led a stranger, as he noticed stream
of visitors going into a fashionable
residence. Its a silver weddin'.'
obligingly replied his informant
whats a silver Weddin' ?" "Why
a chaps been married % times, anC
he's a celebratin' of it."
An Austin couple were discussing
what name to give their recently ar
rived infant. "Let US name him af
ter YOUR uncle who went to Kansa:
last year for hj health" suggested
the mother. g like to name the
boy after him, but how are we tt
find out what name he goes by
now C"-TepGS Settings.
A mistress who had just hired a
new cook made tour Of inspection
after she had kept her a week, and
found a policeman locked up IN the
pantry. show did this man get
hereT" asked the lady severely
"Pm sure l don't know" answered
the girl; che must have been lefl
over by the old cOOkp
One was carrying home a cents
worth Of yeast Ia pitcher. and the
other was going to the store for a
bar OF soap in Duik, "EamlIy you
live in going away this summer z
asked the glri with the yeast ~ ell
they did talk Of it," replied the
other, but the dreSsl0aker dlsap'
pointed them. Are your folks go
ingT "They were going, bat tne
milk bill come in this morning ano
guess they will have TO put on th'