News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30
WIT AND WISDOM.

| IL AfO1D OlI
ness is not so noble as to overcome them
by patience.
IT was old Sam johnson who said,
Words are mems d&aghters, but Gods
sons are things.
''RAIsE no more spirits than you can
| conjure down, is the motto of the liquor
| dealers of this country.
TALKING very much and lying just a
little are good deal nearer to each other
than most people think.
The grasshopper has 12O times the
kicking power of man, taking size into
account Don't let the grasshopper be
| grated on the mule.-Bosto1l Post
A YOUNG man engaged to three differ
ent girls is obliged to tell twenty-five
lies per week to prevent discovery. How
many lies would he tell in six months?
HEARD in boudoir- "Mercy on me,
what are those horrible sounds up stairs?'
"Oh, that's nothing but dear George;
suppose he has lost his collar button
again. Philadelphia Ne,Os.
THERE seems to be great kick, so to
speak, about ladies wearing their hats in
the theatre, but not single complaint
has reached us thus far inveighing
against them keeping them on at church.
Kansas city Truth.
WE ought not to forget that ''if the
best mans faults We're written on his
forehead it would make him pull his hat
over his eyes" If your faults were
written on your forehead-excuse us,
there is not room.
OUT West, when saloon is blown up
with dynamite, it is blamed upon the
temperance men, and yet the fellows who
have heavy accounts chalked against
them on the slate are very much inter-
ested in having the place demolished.
THERE is nothing sometimes like hit
ting the nail on the head. At recent
fire at Ottoway some one sent telegram
to the owner who was in Boston, saying:
Premises all ON fire what shall we
do?" The answer came promptly, "Put
it out"
1t l. N1A<Nh Sh1, says " ANS"
land minister, 81 would not parade too
much in public places" OF course he
would not. He would swing ON the front
gate and watch the young fellows in the
neighborhood do the public parading.-
Philadelphia NeaUs.
A LADY, who had grown weary of
hearing her sex mGigned for the length
of time it takes pair of female friends
to take leave of each other, says that
| when her husband meets an old friend
down town he don't leave him at all
stays out all night with him Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
The girls of Manayunk are collecting
buttons It IS said, and with fair show
of truth, that the father Of Gle girl who
has the largest and most varied assort-
ment is church deacon who takes up
the Sabbath collections for the missionary
cause and the minister's back salary
NoTristoaOn Herald.
A PEASANT comes to a broker to ex-
change a hundred-mark note for silver.
The broker gives thim hundred-mark
roll, which the peasant opens to see if it
is all right. He counts up to seventy
one and then puts it all in his pocket.
cit was all right so far, so L suppose the
rest is right too. "-FIiege1ade BLatter.
BARRY was in no part SO eminent as In
Romeo. At the time when he attracted
the town to Covent Garden by his ad-
mirable delineation of the character,
Garrick found it absolutely necessary to
perform himself as Romeo at Drury
Lane, In order to obtain at least some
share in the attention of the public, and
to divert into his own Golfers driblet of
the stream of gold which was rolling into
the treasury of the rival house. Garrick,
however, wanted the physical advantages
of Barry, and, great as he was, would
perhaps have willingly avoided such
competition. This, at least, seems to
have been the prevailing opinion; for, In
the garden scene, when Juliet exclaims,
go Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou
Romeo?" an auditor in the pit archly
gave the explanation of this fact by re-
plying, Because Barry has gone to the
other house"
THE Congregationalist tells this funny
episode in candidating, which occurred
in a church during the past summer,
which was on the lookout for a minister
GA man, supposed to be influential with
the committee, received very urgent
letter from a minister of another denomi-
nation, saving that he was one of twin
brothers. both ministers, and that to-
gether they were willing to undertake
pulpit and pastoral duties, for one salary,
and, let them once appear in that pulpit,
he was sure the plan would work. The
letter was passed to a prominent men,
Der of the committee, who, after perus-
ing it, puckered up his mouth and re-
moved his glasses, to remark that un-
doubtedly all the brains in those two
heads would be demanded, but the COM
mittee must insist ON having them under
but one hat"
THIS story is told of a scene in the
Western Union telegraph office in New
York: A number of gentlemen interested
in stock operations were clustered around
the tape, elbowing each other anxiously,
to read the quotations. A little man
with black beard entered and approached
the tape, which he could hardly reach
A big, burly, good-natured fellow in the
crowd took him by the sleeve, and say
ing, patronizingly, ''You are little fell
low, and we will let you in" showed him
into position. The little man smiled and
looked at him through the corner OF his
eye, glanced at the tape, thanked his new
found friend and retired. An amused
bystander stepped up and said, "Do you
know who that is ?" "No," said the
other "Well, that was Jay Gould"
Tableau.