Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-28
Checkmating Mr.. SpO0pendyke.


backache yesterday, 7 made up my
mind that I would cure it; so 1 got
one of those Alcock's porous plas-
tiers"
Chats dear husband that you
are" answered Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Were is it now"
Il swear ] clear forgot it; it is
there in my ulster"
He wanted to get up and assist
her; and he wanted little nap. The
nap conquered.
Mrs. Spoopendyke found the plas-
ter done up as the druggist had wrap
ped it, unfolded it and began tamper-
ing with it in the vain endeavor to
put it on. She supposed to herself
that this was one of Spoopendyke'
dodgasted things; but determined tc
try his remedy. She prepared fol
the application, and laid it gently
upon the part affected. It would not
stick. Failing after several trials
and disliking to rouse her husband
she sat quietly Illuminating. The ex-
cessive quiet disturbed Spoopendyke,
who is nothing if not noisy and bust
ling. He looked towards his wife
until his ideas were confused, and
then asked how it felt. She took up
the plaster again, told him that she
could not get it on, and asked his
aid. This was agolden opportunity
for the display of his peculiar talent.
So he hoped out of bed.
Nothing is easier, just you heat it
before the fire, and it will stick like a
poor relation. Just give the gasted
thing to me, and I'll soon have
your tender little back as warm and
comfortable as bug in a rug, or a
sick chicken in an Easter egg. You
just lie over across the foot of the
bed-with your back up-I know
that's not natural with you, but do it
just for this once.
With some misgivings, such as she
always felt when Spoopendyke pro
missed to know more of anything than
there ever was in it, she tucked her
knees under her and assumed the
proper attitude, while Spoopendyke
was talking, and warming the plas-
ter.
Now get on good ready" said
he, I'm coming with just the
incest tit of the season. You'll be
well in no time, and dancing about
the house in half an hour as gay as a
lark.
He tripped up to his wife, holding
the plaster by the upper corners, and
clapped it upon the small of her back,
instantly pressing it down tight upon
the skin.
Quicker than thought Mrs Spoo-
pendyke kicked backward, casting
h husband nearly into the fire,
tbrusting herself headforemost across
the bed and against the wall. Then
she tipped to the floor with continued
yells.
You miserable wretch! You
whom 1 have humored to death! for
whose absurd mistakes l have had
perpetual excuses You know every
thing! o, yesl You can manage
pistols, hang pictures and clocks,
climb stepladders, drive nails, lose
stud buttons, turn up jack, and do
d0dgasted fool things that never " as
heard of [ knew you would kill
me at last, and I have been making
believe you were Apollo, and Ma
poleon, deaf and blind to make you
lieve I didn't understand your
om-foolery!"
All this time Mrs. Spoopendyke
was prancing around as she cried,
pulling at the hot plaster, rubin 6
against every corner in the room
hopelessly attempting to get it off
At last Spoopendyke got in word:
There, my darling don't cry
I'll swear the dcd-" but she cut in:
20, yes! you dodgasted simpleton
This is all premeditated murder
You made up your mind to cure my
head, did you! o, yes! I've put W
with every circus you've been daily
making in this house for five years
Won't 1 be a good, decent, quiet no.
body hereafter acting white lies tt
make you think you are Julius Caesar
and Nimrod!'
"There, my dear!" cried Spoopen-
dyke, I'll swear"
30, you'll swear! Yes, you'll
swear your nose off! You only wan
some canvas with holes in it, and ,
bucket of scalding hot tar, to be ,
porous plaster! You know every
/ thing You only want toy obelisl
and two chop sticks to be calcu.
lating machinel You only want
rams horn, matching the powde
guard on your face, to be a Jonah
You don't want anything to be on
of your dodgasted fools J!
Mrs. Spoopendyke burst out cry
ing, and posted off, calling for warn
water and bath tub, Spoopendyk
following her, as he had been doinI
through all OF her .glratlons, Amos
beside himself. After awhile he cam
back in brown study, wondering
he really had been making an ass c
himself in the eyes OF Mrs. Spoopen
dyke for many years. It broke hi
pride, and set his wife in a new ligh
He left before breakfast, and late tha
evening, while he sat Eliminating owe
his dire misfortune, and fearing t
go home, who should step into hi
Office but Mrs. Spoopendy IKE, sorr
for her morning passion, cured
The backache, all smiles aud blushe
She gave him the old time kiss an
hug.
.sRam's horn!" whispered Spoope'
dyke.
Tar bucket" answered Mrs. Spot
pendyke. So they trotted avs
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