The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1882-06-07
A NEW DEAL.
IOWA GIRLS PUT UP AT AUCTION TO
RFPLENIsH CHURCH TREAS
URY.

OF new scnemeS Ot TaistnP mon
ey, churra sociables are and Away
have been peculiar. To attain this
end they will countenanee even the
less harmful plans o. Satan and
call them good. The church treas
ury, which ought always to be full,
but which sometimes becomes so
mournfully empt', must be replen-
ished, and after the Ordinary means
Of filing it are tried and fail, other
means are resoIted 10, among which
are mentioned grab bags, kissing
games, where the cash value of the
oscula ion is governed aim 0st entire
ly by the p, rsonal charms OF he fe-
male oscuIator. and festivals where
it costs 10 cents to get in ami al
most any number of times that
amount of dollars to get out; and
various other schemes which entrap
the masculine victim who shivers
with delight while the game goes
on, but denounces himself in un-
measured terms for qualified idiot
on the following day when reason
resumes its seat, and tie full force
OF his diminish dpocketbook is f | .
Up al Clear Lake, that centre OF
summer pleasures, parties and Sab
bath school associ atoms in Iowa,
the churches became tired OF these
old stereotyped plans of raising
money, and q new scheme was evUlv-
ed from the inner consciousness OF
some bright genius. The treasury
Of the CongregationalisL Church be-
came rather bare, and so the young
folks got together and determined
to Gil it even 10 overflow. After a
prolonged dissension it WIS decided
to bring about the desired end by
putting all the girls OF the church
up at auction to be disposed of to
the highest bidder. The time came
around, and every young man in or
near Clear Lake who had any mon
ey or could possibly borrow any,
was promptly on hand, eager to bid
to the fullest extent. But there
we're some of the giIls on whom i,
would have been impossible to oh
tain the bid Of an old -fas Iioned cop
per cent, while there were others fol-
whom the love SILK SWANS would
willingly have bid tdeir last dollar,
and in the spirit OF ArtemAs Ward,
the last dollar f any OF th.ir rcla
lives. So to give ell of the boys al.
equal chance, the girls we're wrap
ped up in sheets, so as to be com
plc;ely unr, 'gnizable. EIch youag
man was positive that ben ath the
snowy folds of the sheet he could
discern the outline Of the giIl Oh
whom he dotted, AMI when from fiji
teen To twenty Of the yoang fellows
singled out one particular shoetet
object on which TO stake their for
tunes, excitement ran high and mon
ey ran out % pocketbooks like water
down a slauting roof
After all the fair ones were dis
posed Of. tie order was given to haul
up the sheets, and then ensuod an
Undesirable scene of mingled hap
piness and disappointment. Maidens
who had been purchased for a mere
song, owing to lack of bidder,
turned out TO be the best looking
z rls in the town, while beings
whose sylph-like appearance und ,
a sheet excited the greltest admi'
ration, and drew hard earned money
from unwilling pocket books, were
found ODE most commonplace Great
ures, indeed. Rus sll made the best
of it, and the disappointed ones bore
bravely. Altoge her,
the plan was a great success; and |
as long as churches will raise mon
ey by lottery schemes, why not ad-
opt this method? 1t is as harmless,
and yet as productive Of Gs much |
good to the participants, as any
game of chance We know of. 1t
gives the homely girls and bashful
boys an equal chance with their re-
spective oppos.tes, besides resulting
in a grand financial success, and We
look for its general adoption. To
be sure, it 10 asking a COOL deal #
modest, womanly, refined girls. But
then church sociables are Away do
ing that?