The daily Cairo bulletin., 1882-08-19
WIT AND HUM0R,

Don't you think Miss Brown is n
sweet girlP" asked Henry. "Oh, yes,
very sweet" replied James; "that is to
say, she is well preserved,
A Connecticut man aged scventy-four
and once worth $4,000 has been AZ
rested for stealing eight cents worth of
spruce lumber. Poor old man! Not
enough left to pay for his board
An Eastern jouYnalof health says that
eating onions is cure for nervousness,
II is generally noticed that the onion
eater is the most complacent man in the
car.
Spurgeon has delivered over sixteen
hundred sermons. and yet he says he
doesn't begin to know the Bible yet
That's poor consolation for those who
have listened to him,
A Dctroiter who found baby in q
tloursack on his doorstep didn't take it
in until he had looked for the xxx
on the sack He didn't care for a sec
ond-clasS article.
A Brooklyn detective says that at
least three out of every five women in
that city consult fortune-teller three or
four times year. The other two-hfths
go it blind
The average lawyer can do more sus-
picous work without being debarred
than the average citizen can do and
keep out of State prison, but some pro-
fcSSions. were born for luck
Greece has captured or killed moro
than 500 bandits in the last year, and
yet the supply is sufficient to. gobble up
every traveller who looks as if he could
raise dollar and half on pinch.
Dear men' said Mrs. Partington the
other day, young girls nowadays are
not what their mothers used to be-
Half of them are sufferers from nervous
perspiration"
Some scientist now observes that even
the clam has parasites, He would have
observed as much before if he had ever
noticed the crowd around Il free chow
der.
"You are a. full of airs rs music
box, is what young man said to girl
who refused TO let him see her home.
THAT may be- was the reply, "but |
don't 60 with n crank
The way the doctors 90 to work to
get billiard bah ont of mans mouth
is to oil his jaws and pun out his front
teeth. Ii Is an operation requiring a
great deal of patience and deep think.
ing
There may not be panic in this
country for two or three years TO come,
but the man who bets on horse race
without having first posted himself on
which animal is TO be allowed to win
will help contribute TO hard times.
That New Yorker who hasn't closed
his eyes in lccp for the last thirteen
years has determined 10 hire ont on u
farm this summer Inside of two weeks
his employer will have to haul him out
of bed by the feet to get his eyes open
A Chicago belle was to have been
married this week, bnt the ceremony
has been postponed at the rcqucst.oi
her mother who is now very i)eshy and
wants further time to reduce herself tt
fighting weight
AT a young lady's seminary recently,
during an examination in history, one
of the pupils was mterrogalcd thus
MARY, did Martin Luther die a natural
dcalhP' "No, was the reply, "he waS
communicated by n bull
A newspaper agent being told by an
old lady that il was no use to subscribe
for the papers, rs Mother Shipton said
the world was coming TO IN end thi,
year, said; "But won't YOU want tt
read an account of the whole affair a.
soon as IL is oycrP' "That | will.n an
swcred the old lady; and she subscribed,
Some awful y mean scoundrel filled q
grocer whisky barrel with rain water
aud the noS, Monday morning the 81.
pernlcndcnl OF schools, the president o
the temperance alliance, and two schoo
teachers came round to the store, de
nouncod the asionished grocer as
swindlng thief and perjured villain
and demanded their $3.50 back agaiu