Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-08-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

TIME is a good deal like mule. 1t
| is better to be ahead of time than behind
| time.
| IsN'T this country about ready to
lynch the manufacturers of toy pistols?
Detroit Free Press.
A SoUrH Esd man calls his wife
Crystal because she is always on the
watch. boston Transcript.
NEXT we shall have a coattail firta-
ton code. Having the tails covered
with mud will mean: 81 don't like her
father. ."-Boston Post
Conversation between two Louisville
policemen-"Dugan, arrah yer theyer?"
aye can bate yer swate loife that I'm
theyer or theyerabouts."
How WOULD the world have been
affected if the freight handlers had
struck when Noah was loading up the
Ark k?-PhiladelDhia Bulletin.
A BALTIMORE man put his arm around
strange lady to help Ter on car, and
next time he wanted to see the hour he
found it was no o'clock with him.
THE chief difference between stray
dog and tramp is found in the fact
that if one refuses water he is mad; If
the other is offered water he gets mad.
A POOR man may do an act that is
positively criminal, but rich man can
never be worse than imprudent."
Things are not altogether what they
seem.
A SAILOR put q saddle on hind part
before. A bystander showed him his
error. The sailor exclaimed: "How 40
You know which way | am going to
ride ?"
The Sultan of Morocco has only 364
wives. This gives him one day in the
year to sit down and reflect without
having a wet mop strike his toes
Boston Star.
If YOU think yourself better man
than your neighbor, you may prove that
you have an active imagination, but you
show plainly that you have no regard
for stern and awful facts.
"I KNOW" said little girl to her
elder sisters young man at the supper
table, ''that you will join our society
| for the protection OF little birds, because
mamma says you are fond oflarks."
A New YORK State man who recently
tried q flying machine of his own inven-
around him. All he said was, "Work
in burned fool somewhere on my tomb
stone. ."-BOston Herald.
ARCHIBALD FORBES says in the North
american Reviev that the American
army is superior to the English army.
Mr.. Forbes has Just been married to an
American lady, and could not with any
safety have said otherwise.
IF YOU are roasting so hard that your
collar is almost melted. and you want to
get cooled off, don't go and give fifteen
cents for glass of lemonade. Just at
tempt to light cigar with your last
match. Then breeze will start up
Puck.
Too FRrsKY: famous cheese-maker
ordered pictures of his product from
Paris photographer. On seeing the
proof, which really was very bad, he
said: "This won't do. Oonfound you,
my cheese never looked like that.
"Ah, sir" said the photographer, ''but,
you see, it moved. lie Figaro.
A MAN with a private library OF
$4,000 books is we'll fixed. He isn't
supposed to know anything and is never
asked for information. It is the man
who has scraped together dozen vol
umes who is bored to death about the
population of London and the name OF
the undertaken who buried Diogenes.
A JERsEYMAN went to Mauch Chunk,
Pa, to spend his vacation, and during
the first night three old hens, which
had gone to roost on a tree outside his
bedroom window, were disturbed by a
cat. and flew into the apartment. The
Jerseyman awakened and slashed pill
low around until the bewildered fowls
found their way ont. The next morn
ing he told his host that he should come
there every summer, for during the
whole night he had seen but three mos
quitoes. Philadelphia NeUs.