The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1882-10-17
The Reserved Mans Drawbacks.
With Some Advice for Young Men.
(The Hour.l

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| We all have among our acquaintance men
whose manners are reserved and distant. They
| keep much to themselves, do not seek new ac-
| quaintances, and are not easily approached
| even by those who know them. A demonsra-
| ticn of regard from them for any other person
not woman, would be as surprising as an
earthquake. Some men of this kind only af-
feet to be what they seem. They have a no
ton that person of position and culture ought
to have reached the stage when everything
and everybody is bore. They consider this
attitude the proper thing. They like to be
thought cynical philosophers. lis not Of this
class of persons that we wish to write We
have in mind those persons whom education
and circumstances have moulded into reserved
men. The repellant quality that there is
about them may be due to many things; but
from whatever cause it comes, it certainly is
most unfortunate in this country. With few
exceptions, every one of us has his place to
make, his success to assure. We have passed
the point, pecially in the east, when pure
ability and force of character win the prizes Of
life. Success will principally depend upon the
proper use made of opportunities Wealth
and pow or are to be obtained chiefly by the
shrewd manipulation OF circumstances Above
all it is the aid from ones friends that tells in
the struggle. The man who succeeds is the
popular mantle person who has hosts of &C.
quaintances and who does not hesitate to ask
favor, my more Than he does to do one. He
cultlVates his acquaintance and blossoms out
before each one. He is always glad to see
them, and always has a smile and a pleasant
WORD. Beyond certain point he is intimate
with none, knowing that man with strong
friendships is sure to have some decided enc
mics, and an enmity often is most inconveni-
emit. The popular man knows all the promi-
nent members of his club but he never neg
iects those who I'LL the ranks of mediocrity.
he IS especially thoughtful of his elders Ev-
erything that comes TO his mill is grist.
There is nothing hypocritical in all this. The
popular man is what he seems to be. He wishes
well to every one, himself included, and he
would do no one an i'll turn. He wishes no
one to do him harm. His desire is to make
things pleasant to others that others may make
Ihings pleasant unto him. He does not neg
lect the harder work of life. If he is in pro-
fef5ion, he studies diligently for some hours
each day, when there is no opportunity to sui
tivate the social part of nature, or to render
ms relations with others more friendly. If he
IS IN trade, he does not neglect to learn his
business thoroughly from the bottom up. What
no does he does we'll, no matter how small it
is.
Such man is sure to command success. He
is thorough and can be depended upon in pure
~ business relations, and in his social life he
charms and attracts his acquaintances SO that
every one wants 10 help him If he is Young
lawyer, the elderly men, to whom he is always
deferentlal in manner, think of him first when
little legal business comes in their way that
VIII pay him well, but is too small for them He
gets the Job. Ii he is young broker, specula-
tors remember that he is a good fellow, and
knc wing that he is honest and capable, give
MIN their commission, even tn preference, per-
haps, to more repellant acquaintance who is
more conveniently at hand If a social gather
ing is lacking in one member he is always
thought of as the one to fill the vacant place.
Women smile on him, and his chances of mar
rying well are tenfold better, even if he is
poor, than moro sedate and quiet man of pos
sibly much greater force of character.
This genial disposition, therefore, is worth
cultivating, ard what makes the situation en-
couraging is that it is to be obtained by cultiva
ton. He is wise young man who, when he
finds himself becoming too studous too fond
}of his books and too much inclined to cultivate
solitude in a few intimate friends, makes
break. he should throw aside his books quit
his study and minge among his fellows. It
may be hard and uncongenial work, but like
bashfulness in society. the disinclnation to
meet your fellow man is best overcome by GO
ing somewhere and forcing yourself to make
acquaintance. Join club-if not the best.
tons that will show you to be liked and sought
for. Cultivate the social side of your nature,
and let every kindly impulse that is in you
blossom out under the warmth of human com
panion hip and sympathy. Make up your
mind that you are not genius, and that soli-
tude is not the place for you to flourish in At
best, most men have only few talents, which
certainly ought not to be hidden in a napkin.
We are not advising any one to be a superb
cial, polite being, who places no value on true
! worth, education or hard work Be thorough.
but be thorough in every direction. College
men hear great deal from their professors
about symmetrical development This gener-
ally means that they are not to neglect mathe-
matics for Latin or the dead languages for the
living; that they are to know the main points
in each branch of study. But wel-educated
man may be very unsymmetrical if he has neg
lected the gen al, human side of his nature-ii
he has failed to attend to the work of making
friends. Put the golden rule into practice and
attain success in life, not by following hard
roads and thorny paths, but by coming out IN
the broad, bright highway, whore your fellows
travel. Helm others, have a smile and a
hearty greeting for ALL