Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-11-30
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The skilled burglar may not be
wealthy but he takes things easy.
Blood will tell" 50 be careful how
you make conhdantcs Of your relations
Some statistical Gend estimates that
courtships cost three tons Of coal each
On an average.
There's no time like the present
gleefully remarked the boy who had
received the gift Of a watch.
st Louis has 1000 cats, and in spite
Of this discouragng fact still expects
70 become great city in time.
The time wasted by men in feeling
in the wrong pocket would make the
next generation rich if they had it.
A mortgage on house is like
worm-hole in an apple. Before you
know it there IS more worn-hole than
fruit.
An old fellow who has had his wig
stolen several times has come to the
conclusion that there is no rest for the
wigged.
The coat-'ail Irritation is the latest.
4 wrinkled coat-tail bearing dusty
toe-marks means, Il have spoken TO
your father"
This is a hurry cane in earnest
thought the boy. as the old man rained
the blows upon his shoulders with
lightning rapidity.
A gentleman had his picture taken
recently; cost him 500, and still he is
not happy. a fellow took it out Of
the hall when the latch was up.
"IIow clumsy you are r. said the mis-
tress at the table, as the waiter split
the sauce over a guests rich dress.
There won't be sauce enough to go
round now
Walt Whitman exclaims in one Of
his poems: Give me solitude" - Very ..
easily obtained, sir Start to take up
a collection for the Washington monu-
ment.
The advance agent Of a bad show
has the best time. He can get out Of
town before his company performs. 1t
is the manager who must stay and pay
salaries and hear the complaints.
A farm that recently yielded profit
Il $4,000 a year has been left by
wealth. bachelor Of Oregon to aschool
for young ladies. Very few men who
have escaped matrimony exhibit so
much gratitude to the girls.
General Wolseley, the hero Of the
Egyptian war. is the author Of book
called THE Soldiers Pocket Book for
FiAd Service" As the British soldier
gets only twenty cents a day, he can't
have much use for a pocketbook.
A shirt has two arur. the same az
pa0taloons have two legs; yet one is
called pair and the other is only one.
Isn't it time that we let up on astron-
omy and paid more attention TO every
day triGes that vex the clearest minds?
Four-year-old Augustus is found
shaving the head Of his cat with his
fathers razor and is severely reproved
by his nurse. But" says the little
fellow, "men always have such hard
time shaving, | want 20 practice before
my beard grows"
An old farmer bought a work called
Hints on Fencing" supposing il set
forth the advantages and oheapness of
one fence over another. He expressed
himself very vigorously when he dis
covered that the book related to an
entirely differe"t kind of fencing.
Mamma" :, xed little Edith. "be
all grown folks hatefulSr ewhy.
Edith" replied her mother, what
put that idea in your headg" Moth.
ing, mamma, only | know everybody
who comes here is hateful. cause I've
always heard you say so after they
went out"
They were talking about midnight
assaults. when a doctor spoke up and
said he was never handled roughly but
once; but then he was nearly killed.
However, he was lucky enough to dis
cover his assailants. WHO were
they; who were theys" exclaimed
everybody. Starving undcrtakers.
starving undertakers. brought down
from atiluence to penury after came