Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-03-16
Bntapruus department.
A HAPPY MARRIED COUPLE.

rs ULdG SO Dy ucOlSc! llUW GuS llluc
flies Why, had no idea of it,
eyes, we have been married almost twenty
long years. she continued, with something of
sigh. "You have been good husband to
me, darling"
"And you have been a blessed little wife
to me, Susan. Come here till 1 kiss you.
There ''
81 was thinking to-day was thinking
Of--of-"
'Of that sickly-faced baboon who used to
60 home with you from prayer meeting be-
fore knew you ?" he interrupted.
''Who do mean ?"
"Why, that Brace fellow, of course"
:Why, George, he wasn't such bad fel-
low"
"Wasn't, eh % Well, I'd like to know of a
worse one. He didn't know enough to chew
putty, and there you were as good as engaged
to him."
'sYes, George, but you know you were keep
ing company at the same time with that Hell
en- Perkins,
'sThat Helen Perkins! Wasn't Miss Per-
kins one of the loveliest and prettiest young
ladies in Liverpool? ?'
mo she wasn't! She had teeth like a
horse J"
''She did, ell ?" How about that stoop-
shouldered, white-headed Brace?''
s'And such big feet as she had Why,
George, she was the laughing-stock of the
town."
s'Not much she wasn't She was young
lady who would have made model Wife"
''Then why didn't you marry her and all
her moles and warts and mushroom eyes ~
'Don't talk that wayto me I! Her eyes were
as nice as yours" ..t..sr
"They wasn't"
"They We're! l believe you are sorry be-
cause you didn't marry Brace"
''And I know you are sorry because you
didn't marry that beautiful and accomplished
Miss Perkins!''
II am, eh thought you said 1 had been
good husband to you? .,,
wife?"
Then he pumped down and began to read
the mortgage sales and advertisements in the
paper, and she picked up her sewing and gave
the cat gentle kick. These old things will
come up now and then, and somehow neither
side ever gets entirely over them.--Detro't
Press.
BEATEN BY CH1CAGo.-A Toledo CONNER
cial traveller who has been opening up new
route in Indiana, recently encountered one
dealer who didn't think he had better change
his custom He had been dealing with Chi
cago house for several years, and he had no
fault to find.
81 can make you brooms forS- per dozen,''
urged the Toledoan.
"Yes, but Chicago beats that"
CLOVIS - cents pound for starch 20
''Oh, Chicago beats that"
''I'll sell you good tea by the chest for -
cents.''
''That's purity fair, but Chicago beats that
sour house will give you four months
credit
''Chicago is ahead of that
The traveller couldn't mention thing that
Chicago didn't beat, and at last, despairlng OF
receiving an order, he remarked
II did think of stopping over Sunday, but it
seems"
'sOh, it's no use trying that on" interrupt
ed the dealer. 'sThe agent of a Chicago house
has been running our choir over year, and
Cincinnati house has already agreed to send us
Sunday-school library. May be you can DO
something in the next town, but We're chuck
full here and wouldn't touch Toledo house
unless it promised us a twenty-acre lot for
new graveyard ~
A CHINAMAN's TRICK.-A Memphis John
Chinaman must have heard the story OF the
editor, who, going down stairs, met man
with a club going up. SIS the editor III his
Office ?'' asked the man. s'IIe is" said the
Journalist 'sFifth story 'front.'" and then pro-
ceeded leisurely out of harms way, while the
indignant reader vented his fury and eXer-
csed his muscle on an innocent and dlgnlhed
citizen who had dropped into the sanctum to
glance over the exchanges. The Memphis
John had his laundry in the basement OF
house, the first floor Of which was occupied by
LAWYER. In the absence of the lawyer John
had great sign erected, which gave the I'M
preston that he was doing an extensive busl-
ness and required the whole house. When the
lawyer came to his Office he found the hall and
stairway crowded with people carrying baskets
of soiled linen. AS soon as the situation was
fully understood by him he started to destroy
the Celestial. John heard the approach or the
enemy and as at that very moment gentle
man from Ireland called in state OF high ex-
citement to be informed as to the whereabouts
of a missing shirt, the heather directed him to
the lawyer as the manager of the place. The
two individuals came together with clash,
and John disappeared around the corner.
THE RIGHT Boy IN THE WRONG PLACE.
American Punch relates the following anec-
dote, which, it says, will make even Sunday
school scholar smile during prayer time: At
the opening exercises of the Five Points Mis-
sions School, in New York, many years ago,
class of street gamins had been tutored to an
swer sort of catechism The first question
was, ''Who made you?" and the answer was,
God" The second, "Out of what are you
made ?''-and the answer, "Out of the dust OF
the earth" But the teacher failed to notice
the absence of the little fellow at the head OF
the class, and so the first question naturally
came to the boy whose proper place was next
to the head, and upon announcing the ques-
tion: "Who made you :" the answer came,
II was made out of the dust of the earth-the
other feller, what God made, has got the
measles and couldn't come!'
taS Conjugal affection depends largely upon
mutual confidence. "Imake it rule, " said a
wiseacre to friend, ''to tell my wife every
thing that happens In this way we avoid any
misunderstanding" Not to be outdone IN
generosity the good friend replied, "Well, sir,
YOU are not so open and frank as am, for l
tell my wife great many things that never
happen"
Eg An old lady from the country had dan
dy from the city to dine with her OH certain
occasion For the dessert there was an enor-
NOUS apple-pie. ''La, ma'am, said the gen
tleman, chow do you manage to handle such
pie ?" easy enough" was the quiet reply
1--WE make the crust up in a wheelbarrow,
wheel it under an apple-tree, and then shake
the fruit down into it,"
sWhat is your age 90 asked friend of
Nine. De G. the other evening. ''Thirty-
one," promptly replied the fair Sapphira.
'Oh, where do you expect to 60 when you
die p'' gasps another lady II am thirty-four,
and you told me last winter, with your own
lips, that you were just my age, my love-"
know did, dearest, bat it was only to console
yo,