Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-06-01
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THE WRONG GUN.

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THE WRONG GUN. !
A countryman came into store the other
day and wanted to buy a shot gun. The pro-
prietor sized up his customer in general
manner, and thought he had struck the right
man on whom to work off some old stock.
The farmer thought he never met a man who
was 80 genial and affable and became so much
in love with the storekeeper that he nearly de-
cided not to leave the premises, but to remain
to enjoy the society of his entertainer.
He had been looking at piece Of ordnance
appraised at $6.75, when the storekeeper reach
ed back in the corner and brought forth an
other.
s'This gun isn't worth so much as that you
have in your hand" said he. ut looks a
little better, but, it was only gotten up to sell.
Appearances are deceitful, you know, and
travelling through this vale of tears you have
to look closely to your steps. l just showed
you this last gun, which sell by the dozen
for five dollars apiece, to teach you how you
might be deceived. 1t looks superior arti-
Gle to this one for S.. rs, but you can't do near
the execution with it that you can with the
latter, and besides, a man with your. culture
fooling away his time with popgun that
wont knock red squirrel off a sapling. This
Sc. rs is more suited to the demands of your
nature.n and the dealer smiled his sweetest.
'tDid you say that five dollar gun wouldn't
shoot worth anything ?" inquired the customer.
II did, I've tried it and it is a fraud. |
only keep it to show up better goods with.
never got cheated on gun but once and that
was the time bought that gun"
''It amt especially dangerous then, is it -
"Well, should say not. 1 shot tramp
between the shoulders with it one day up at
home, and he came and sat down on the door
step and asked my mother-in-law to scratch
his back. Gun looks good enough, but don't
want to sell it to you. 1t won't shoot hard
enough to blow the wadding out of the barrel. :"
'sWell, never! Say, are you telling me the
truth ?"
ssGospel truth. You ought to know me
well enough to understand that l don't lie
about my goods.
eyes, exactly. I'm glad to hearit. Here's
your five dollars. Glad came here. Can't
stay long, you know, for my wife's holding
the horses outside. I don't care how mean
gun is, for want to give it to my sisters boy,
and don't want him to have an article that g
could have found as mild-tempered weapon
anywhere else, do you? Good day." and he
was gone.
The merchant stepped out to the edge of
the walk as the wagon rolled off up the mud
dy street. and gazed after it long and anxious
", and then turned and came back into the
store and rearranged the cases. He didn't
seem excited or grit his teeth or swear, but
oft-times calm and unruffled exterior may
hide world of woe, and it may be some time
before the merchant will show guileless
granger twenty dollar gun for one-fourth
its value simply to furnish him information
about the relative merits Of sporting appa-
ratus.
THE MAN OF BULLETs.-As sat on the
hotel steps at Dalton, Ca, talking with
drummer from Cincinnati, the landlord came
out and asked us if we wanted to see man
who was carrying six bullets about with him.
OF course we did, and were walked down to
the other end of the veranda and introduced
to Col. Beach. was going to approach him
slowly and gracefully, but the drummer rush
ed right at him with
$50 you are carrying six bullets about with
you, eh ?''
eyes, sir.''
.:Ds ..Do they pain you much ?"
sOh, no."
''Lands alive! but don't see how you
lived through it. How many battles were you
in ?''
ibid you get all these bullets at once 20
''Yes, all at once"
'By George Well, I never heard the likes
of it Colonel, I don't want to be impudent,
s'You want to know where they are loca-
ted ?"
''Exactly--exactly.
''I'm carrying 'em in this pocket to-day"
was the quiet reply, as he tished down and
brought up six old bullets picked up off the
battlefield.
1t was job put up on me, but the drummer
got in ahead, and he was so mad about 1t that
he wouldn't eat any supper.-Detroit Free
Press.
"GIvE 1T TO HIM." This courtroom scene
occurred in the early days Of the State of Ver-
mont, when school houses were used for court
houses and log stables were used for jails.
The Circuit Court was held at Berkshire Gen.
markable by his having crooked eye, presi
ded. The case on hand was one of trespass,
and had attracted full house. Everything
went on smoothly until the old judge began to
charge the jury, when he was rather severe on
the defendant. An eccentric person in the
crowd, who did not realize the dignity of
courtroom, jumped up and said
''Give it to him, old gimlet eye" The old
Judge rose, and in a voice of thunder said
WHO is that disturbing this court ?" The
eccentric person replied cts me, old hoss. :"
Then says the Judge ''Here, constable, take
that old hoss and put him in the stable" The
consequence was the court had to adjourn un-
til the afternoon in order to straighten the
faces of the officers and jury.
This story was told me when I was boy by
venerable judge who had in his younger days
studied law with the ''gimlet-eyed'' judge.
A CONTINGENT FEE.-A citizen had occa-
sion to consult lawyerregarding suit which
he contemplated institutng, but of the in
definite outcome of which he was in doubt.
He did not wish to pay retaining fee, be-
cause he was uncertain of winning. The at
torney said he would accept a contingent fee.
The party met Mr.. Burleigh some time after
ward, and asked him the definition Of con-
tingent fee. "a contingent fee," jocosely
said Mr.. Burleigh, ''is this If lawyer loses
the case he gets nothing. If he wins you get
nothing" "But," said the perplexed party,
scratching his head can't say that exact
ly comprehend you. - 81 thought was quite
clear" said Mr.. Burleigh, who repeated what
he had said. "But it seems that don't get
anything in either event. said the man,
when his intellect had fully grasped the situ-
alton. "Well that is about the size of con-
tingent fee,'' replied Mr.. Burleigh, termina-
ting the conversation.
The CIRCUS FEvER.-The tenting season
is nearing, and the elephant, the tiger and the
rhinoceros may be expected to arrive almost
any day. And this causes the editor of an ex
change paper to rise up in his bed and dash off
the following After considering the question
oil 1,intor We corne tO tho conclnsion eyprv