Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-11-30
Humors Of the DAY.

make orphans ofthem?
Many a man has gotten rich in this
country saving other peoples money
for Washington Monument.
"Mercy on me, what are those hor-
rible sounds up stairs?" 20, that's moth
ing but dear George; / suppose no has
lost his collor-button again"
care you feeling very il?' asked the
physician. ''Let me see your tongue,
please" at is of no use, DOCTOR" re-
piled the patient, "no tongue can tell
how bad I feel"
80 Georgew Boston girl intensely
exclaimed while gazing at the comet,
"how transcendently beautiful and rap
turously precious 1t Isl / should 30
love to study botany"
A New York bride will receive among
her presents an order for twenty tons
coal. The practical-minded donor
probably forgot that she would have a
husband to warm her cold feet on.
Nothing annoys the keeper Of a rail.
road restaurant more than to have one
customer ask in rather loud tone Of
another: "Hsve you ever tried plating
war-ships with this kind ofsand wiches?'
A clergyman writes: "CAn you in
form me what is the cause of the
alarming increase OF profanity in this
country We do not know exactly,
but think that the telephone is in!i-
rectly responsible. Go and interview
the central office"
"Going away" they asked the man
who was closing the shutters Of his
house and pulling down the curtains.
mo" he replied, "but Pm going to put
up some stoves, and l don't propose to
have any inhuman souls look in at the
windows and see me and laugh at my
misery"
A physician falls into a fit while
making round of visits, and is carried
into a drug store. "Send for Dr.
"" says somebody. "No, no, not
for him." says the dying man feebly,
at the mention of his rivals name; 'if
he brought me around it would adver-
tise him l prefer to die"
"How lovely the fields and woods
are in their sutumnal tinls,' said Miss
Fitzjoy. eyes," chimed in Farmer
Robinson; "but they aren't so lovely
as they was when things were growing
and making money for me-" This
practical view of things was entirely
new to Miss Fiizjoy.
'It beats ALL" says Fosg, chow much
Parson Jones knows. He says that
the liquor sold in the village is vile
stuff, and that secret gambling clubs
are crowded nightly, and that the vo-
taries of vice are every night to be met
in their vavorite haunts. I'd give
something to know how the parson
found it all out"
DR.. Byles' wit once met wit severe
retort. Encountering a lady who,
having declined an offer of marriage
from the doctor, had married gentle
man Of the name Of Quincy, he sad,
$50, madam, it appears you prefer
quinsy to boils." Yes" she replied,
." for if there had been anything worse
than boils God would have afflicted job
with them"
A lady who had married dancing
master was discussing the subject of
with q female friend. The
latter, a spinster in whom the fro3ts of
forty winters had not withered the
tender flowers OF sentiment, declared
that nothing but poet for husband
would SATISFY, and added, Il could nev
er have married rs you did" "You
forget there is poetry of notion" re-
turned the other. my husband writes
poetry with his heels"
1--WE got some famous literary man
for customer" said the tailor, "but
| don't know who he is, for he forge.
to leave his name" "But Why do you
think he is great writer ~ son! |
know he Isl he ordered the seat of his
pants lined with leather"
First masher: "Well, did you make
the acquaintance of that strange girl
you were raving over2" Second ditto:
eyes, followed her home" First NJ;
Glow did she strike your" Second
ditto: "5he didn't at all; She got her
big brother to do it."
1t is not safe to speak of western
lady az Il ,srge-souisd woman. She
colors up, houuces out of the room
and soliloqumes in the secret Businesses
of her boudoir: "I'll never speak to
that hateful old thing agsin-so there!
Lsrge-soled, indeed!'
II will register for smother piece Of
pie, ma" said South End urchin.
'Ny SEQ, you have cast one thought
less ballot of pie down your throst.
There shall be no stufting the digestive
ballot-box in this family" and the poor
little fellow hung around the supper
polls without avail.
Fscetious gardener to individual who
had looked SO long upon the "bloom
on the rye" that It's radiant color had
been impaired to his countenance;
"Mornin' Mr.. Watties. Would you
just come around and give look for
ten minutes over them ere cowcum-
bers9 They're shade shade BACKYARD,
sir"
Nine. G. called at friends house on
wet day, and her feet being damp,
she sid to her friend: "My dear, will
yOu let your maid bring me pair of
IL; g.N{, Jo,,o ranhal