Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-09-06
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.


The family bible will be soon opened
again as a receptacle for autumn leaves.
| The fat colored man is not always
good weighter. Com. Bulletin.
ATLANTA has a pretty female shoe
maker; but such an institution cannot
last.
The best time to go fishing is when
there is a mackerel sky.-LoweU
| Courier.
SET men and set hens are sometimes
alike. They are on nest.-B08tOu Com.
Bulletin.
A Two-YEAR old on Arbor Hill calls
rainbow "Jumbo." Barnum did it,
with his little ''ads."
| SOME hotel clerk must have originated
the expression "There is always room at
the top. "-BoSton Star.
| WHEN the Ill deeds of man are set
forth the account may be safely set
down as faults report.
Tom THUMB is said to own a Yacht.
We suppose she is sailed by Thumbs
creW.-BOstOn Com. Bulletin.
BARRELS of gin have taken to explod-
ing. There must be terrible schnaps
when they go off.-B0rkeeper.
SAID the " coach " to the bright little coxswain.
The crew are as strong as big oxswain;
| So look out how you steer,
| And keep everything clear
And see that you don't run on the rockswain.
a." WISH you would pay little atten-
ton to what L am saying, sir, roared
lawyer at an exasperating witness. CT
am paying as little as I can," was the
calm reply.
Mr.. GUNYER sold his Irish setter be-
cause, he said, the dog had no scent.
That's nothing He'd dollar if you'd
kick him, which was hundred fold bet
ter.-Burdette.
" WHAT'S the matter with your thumb,
Willie ?" asked teacher in one of our
Sunday Schools last Sunday. "Hit the
nail On the head" was the reply of the
future statesman.
| A LITTLE four-year old had been ex-
ploring the garden patch and discovered
a cucumber growing on the vines. Ex-
citedly he rushed into the house, crying:
Mamma Mamma, we've got pickle
on our squash"
1T Is announced that science Las pro-
duced new silk worm superior to the
old brand. If the new worm will pro-
duce silk that costs no more than
calico it Will Fill long-felt want.-Nor-
ga8tOa0n Herald.
AN old citizen, returning to his home
from banquet, meets another old citi-
zen coming from an opposite direction.
"Ish thish the avenue?" asked No. I.
Chow should [ know? I wash at the
banquet myself"
AT Crystal Springs, N. Y, white
pine was recently felled which was
thirteen feet In circumference and near
~ two hundred feet high. The annual
layers indicated an age of three hundred
and fifteen years.
JUST for an experiment, Mr.. Saunders,
in Rock Island, made pumpkin pie, the
inside Of which was composed of saw
dust and milk. It was placed in rail-
road eating house and devoured without
a complaint being heard.
A POOR philosopher put blacking on
that portion of his stocking which
showed through the hole in his boot,
and then said, cit is the care OF very
great part of mankind to conceal their
Indulgence from the rest"
CA1No's wife goes out to work. The
other day, as she reproached him for
getting up 50 late, he replied, "Ah,
madam, I sleep very slowly, and I need
IN consequence much more time for re-
pose than you. "-French Paper.
AN instrument has been invented by
means of which person can see dis
lance of sixty feet under water. The
man who fishes for two hours without
bite can now take look and see what
the trouble is.-Detroit Free Press.
ARE you certain of securing the dia-
dem?" asked the minister of the dying
man. And when the man said he "didn't
want to diadem bit, the minister and
the doctor flew, and as a natural conse-
quence the man got better.-Jea0eLers'
Circular.
YES, sir, says the oldest resident,
"the first trip made from Lowell to
Boston was over the old canal, and [
worked my passage on the canal-boat."
"Worked your passage? How ?" in
quired his audience. 81 led the horse.'
solennly remarked the ancient mariner.
FoGG has got an idea at last, and he
says there's millions in it, as it meets a
long-felt want. It isnothing less than
revolving house, which is to turn upon
pivot, so that the best room shall always
face the sun in winter and be in the
shade in summer. Fogg has a great
head.
"JoHN, what is that peculiar smell?"
asked mans wife as he was trying to
steal in bed without waking her, about
2 o'clock A. M "That is the incense we
use in the lodge room, my dear; it ex-
ales-it exales-" eyes, know now"
she interrupted; sc I recognize the odor
Xxx ales."
AFTER trying for some time to dis
charge his gun, the boarder exclaimed,
"Confound it! I'm sure loaded this
carefully last night, and now the blasted
thing won't go off. CHOW, that's
coorius," said the farmer, &C for only this
morning saw the boys tryln' to use it
for squirt gun, andthey couldn't make
it go off, neither"
/ A CANDIDATE met Uncle Nose on Aus
tin Avenue, and said to him: BE sure
to come to the ward meeting tonight,
and bring all your neighbors with you. -
| sSYO11 can less het dew will come alOnO