Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1882-04-14
gel9rf Misrellany.
The Trials of a Snowman.

/, LAG 1dlS VI d ShO" Aoh'
4 New York paper has the follow
ing:
"It's all very well to talk of show
business" observed retired museum
man, ''but | tell you no man can play
against the baby elephant and win.
Il ran racket down there on Ful
ton street for three months, admission
ten cents, reserved seats five cents ex
ira, ard there was money in it at frs
because | didn't have to give up moth
ing. run it cheap, cause the iron
ljawed mon attended the door and the
orchestra took tickets. The bigges
Iexpense was the music, but | made
whole on that by locking them in the
front room, and they had to play te
! kill time. OF course that drew The
people. The drummer was an ugly
Icuss, and when he'd get mad, he'd
take it out of the base drum, and that
stood We in every lick.
"But the last week broke me up
You see, | had a sixteenth century
armor, made up on Myrtle land
the helmet wei ighed about eighty OF
more pounds. There was a band to
| fasten it on to the collar of the shirt,
or whatever you cali it, but | didn't
catch on, and the first niger that got
| 1t broke his neck. That cost ue 81
aud hurt the place.
You see. the Albno woman was
the wife Of the iron jawed man, and
she swept out the place beside, and
when We put her hair up one Sunday
We rolled it so tight that it fell out,
and that spilled her business.
Then my orchestra got to wanting
some money. I.had buck fiddle, a
bass drum aud a melodeon. Well,the
buck fiddle and drum went back on
me, and my song and dance business
was done TO the melodeon. That made
trouble. The melodeon man hung on
pretty we'll but the audience commenc
ed TO help him play.
"Of course that finished him, and
besides that, | found the troupe was
eating up the properties. You see,we
put on Uncle Toms Cabin and had
a big woman for Topsy and Wash
luglon street barber for Tom. 1t cost
me five cents night for C ackers,
cause they'd sat 'em up for keeps. l
told 'em 1'wouldn't stand 1t, and final
ly shut of. I'm blessed if they did
not eat up the candles We had for the
fooilights, one night when business
was bad. aud | had to borrow money
to light up the next afternoon. After
that We used pine knots. That was
the hungriest troupe yon ever saw
Hope | may be split in half il they
didn't 90 for the oil in the joints OF
the armor.
Well, then had a ron with my ia,
lent Topsy's shoes didn't tit, and she
let 'em out in the heel, so you could
see her white socks. wanted her to
paint EN- black. and she wouldn't do
1t, cause she didn't have any others.
Her salary Was dollar and u quarter
Il week. She kicked because | was a
month or two behind, aud lost h.r.
The barber got SO he wouldn't play
without his supper, and | let him 60
too.
Il SAW the show was beginning to
run down. cause my magician would
finish his act and then teach the boys
all his tricks for five cents head
Fact. There he was robbing people
who reposed confidence in me, though
he only got the lead nickIes | gave in
change
Il tried to brace the show up some
and got hold ola white headed servant
girl down on the Heights. She agreed
10 DO the Albiuo of evenings, and ad-
ver,iscd her as the Beautiful Circas-
sian girl from Madagascar | think
that's where they come from. But
she fell out with seventy-iiye cents a
week, and busted the engagement.
Things were getting shaky. The
troupe hung on, but they could,t lest
long, backing Uncle Toms Cabin on
an empty stomach They'd got to die
some time. The iron jawed man was
getting weak, cause he never put any
| thing IN his mouth but dumb bells
/ and barrels.
Then oh. | got an Indian. He'd
been car driver, and wouldn't do his
act without leg boots and fur hat.
gave him the boots and the hat, but
they didn't take. He only went on
one night and the audience helped
| him off.
"Well, sir. was looking around for
more talent and puzzling my way out
Wasn't open more'n half the time
See man coming down Fulton street
with his hands in his pockets, and I'D
ring up, and the new band would be-
Gin. If he went past ring down and
wait for another. And just at that
time the baby elephant came to town
The moment the elephant struck this
side of the river was gone. Nomore
show on that block. The landlord
nearly broke his back Juggling the ar
NOR home, and blew off the iron jaw
ed man and the troupe, and let 'em &c
That ended it. tell you there's nc
use trying to play against the baby
elephant. Let's beer.
A successful debater. hornet
always carries his point.
A man named his boy Twice SO that
! l;,ht,in,r unn In't Stri "a him