Mexico weekly ledger., 1882-08-17
WIT AND

bicycle has just bought out apantaloens
factory.
People learn wisdom by experience.
A man wakes up his second baby
to see it laugh.
Taking things as they come is not so
very distressing. 1t is parting with
them as they go that cuts one to the
soul.
Eternal fitness wa W more ap-
propriately dove-tailed in than in the
euphonious name of the German pianist,
Hammeritt.
1--WE 60 in for the old flag" remark
ed the property-owner who was ordered
to lay a new sidewalk along the frontof
his lot.
'How did you like the lecturer?' II
didn't like him at all. He gave us a
perfect Niagara of words and only o riv-
ulet of ideas"
What is the difference between freight
and cargo. A horse-car conductor says
the passengers make the freight, and the
horse makes the car go.
Meant she cried, my husband is
the meanest wretch in the world. He
won't give me the least excuse for COM
planning.
..H'm" calculated Fogg. $50 they
saythis play is taken from life? l should
say rather that the life is taken from
the play" F.
In a horse-car-"Campbell, my dear
fellow. don't show good breeding to-
ward the ladies or people will think you
cam from the country"
'Is it injurious to eat before going to
sleep?' asks a correspondent. Why no,
not fatally injurious; but you just try
eating after you go to sleep if you want
to see a circus.
s.See, mammal" exclaimed a little
child, as puss, with arching spine and
elevated rudder, strutted around the
table, 'see, kitty's eaten so much she
can't shut her tail DOWN.
You do not deal a death-blow to the
Darwinian theory by saying, '.Man de-
scended from the monkey, but what did
the monkey descend from?" The mon
key descended from the tree.
Mother, what have people got noses
for?' asked an Austin child of her moth
er, who had seen better days. ''Toturn
up at poor folks, my child" was the
cynical response.
81 understand that your courtship
with Charley is at an end" ''Yes," said
she; 'Charley pressed his suit until it
became threadbare, and then l gave him
the SACK
A Kentucky lover, who swore by the
great horn spoon that he'd like to die for
his girl, stood on the river bank and
saw another chap pull her from the wa
ter, and never even offered him Is cents
reward.
The thing now for city girls rusticat-
ing in the country is to white miniature
hay-ricks out of white wood and send
them to their admirers in town. This
probably signifies Come and make hay
while the sun Shines"
Things one would wished to have ex-
pressed differently: Musical maiden
Il hope / am not boring you, playing SO
much?' Enamored youth-''Oh. no!
Pray go on! I'D so much ooner hear
you play than talkE'
George, what 9 lovely color for a re-
ception dress" said Mrs. Jones tt her
husband, viewing the electric light on
Niagara Falls from the balcony of the
Clifton house. "Yes," said Mr.. Jones,
sand what a bath for Jumbo"
A Hoosier youth named Gosley or
Gosling, probably the latter, saw q girl
at church, courted her two hours, and
at the end of three was married to her.
A man who does up all his counting in
two hours and marries misses lots OF
fun. It's like stuffing himself with
peaches and cream in five minutes and
then have having dyspepsia the rest Of
the year..
A nice Judge, when asked why he had
allowed a totally unnecessary female
witness to take the stand and testify,
said: Il knew that it was not necessary,
but I saw that she had anew bonnet and
was striving to show it."
Charles Lamb was once asked by a
cheese-monger if he should send home
fine ripe Stilton cheese for him. mo,
th-th-thank you," said. Charles. III
you will give me a bit of Irvine I cou'
c%ou-could, perhaps, l-l-l-lead it home.'
A Kansas newspaper joker published
an item to the effect that the best look
ing girls in the town chewed gum OF
the streets. Before the paper had beer
out an hour every girl in the town wa!
to be seen on the streets chewing gum
The philosopher who discovered thai
an obedience to the golden rule was thu
cause of the negro's fondness for tn
w~hitewashing business may, perhaps, b.
able to tell why the Chinese laundry
man invariably has a red sign witt
white letters.
Two years ago a man in Georgia kill
ed his wife. He fled, and has not We
been captured. In his stead two me-
have been arrested at different points il
the state. Each one had, as did tn
murderer, a scar on his forehead, tire
on his face and an inflexible big toe
II am ashamed of the effeminacy o
my sex,'' said a female orator. ''Lool
atyourfripperies and superfluities! Why
for instance, do you need parasols, whe
never used one?" And a pet mink an
swered: because you are on the shad
side of life"
A new Mrs. Malaprop: In a suburba
town lives a relative of the immorta
Mrs. Malaprop. The other evening
caller asked if Mr.-was at home an
could be seen. II think not" was tn
reply. II believe my husband has e,
pred for the night"
An old citizen in a country village, o
having a subscription-list handed to hill
toward purchasing a new hearse for tn
place. thus excused himself: II paid 8
for a new hearse forty years ago, an
me and my folks hain't had the benei
of it vet"
ait is long step" says S. G. v
Benjamin in the Century, in rapt admi
alton of Mr.. Benefits steam zach
from the Mayfiower to the Namouna.
II is. and it is also--although Mr.. Be-
-jamin fails to mention fo-e@as
step from a pilgrim father to jam
Gordon Bennett.
why is Mrs. Brown putting on
many airs of late?" asked Mrs. Jon
Of Mrs. Smith. Haven't you heard
their windfall?' rejoined Mr.. Smith
mo, what is it?'' said Mrs. Jones'
why, Mr.. Browns uncle in the cou,
try has just died and left him forty bus
els of potatoes
.'Oh. mine gracious, mudderr" e
claims Miss Roscgarten at Long Branc
there m Adolph Minzenheimer; L
IL r he will ask me to ride him in b
tog card" 'Vell, you please declin
init YOURSELF" angrily says Mrs. Ros
garten, ''for mine daughters doan'd ri,
mid tog calds ven dere ish horses 81
carriages aboud."
49, "a