Huntsville gazette., 1882-07-01
A Lesson in Natural History-The Dodo.
"Professor, what is a Dodopn

| iOlOoSOl3 W Ado ID q
"There are several species of the
Dodo, my son, and there used to be
| several more before the fool-killer cut
the country up into regular districts. =
/" Please describe some of them to meP"
q" With pleasure. You have prob
ably attended Sunday-school picnic
given on the banks of a lake or river
Six fat women, two girls who wear eye
glasses, and a very good boy who lisps
make up the party to take ride on the
water. As they are ready to shove off,
the Dodo appears and keeps them com.
panv.
"What is he like, and what does he
dopn
"He is generally soft-headed young
man under twenty-three years of age,
and he stands up and rocks the boat to
hear the fat women scream and to in
duce the girls to call him Gweorge."
"Does the boat upset?"
cit does.''
"And is everybody drowned?"
Everybody except the Dodo. He
always reaches the shore in safety, and
he is always sorry it happened. He is
sometimes so affected that it takes away
his appetite for lunch"
"And is anything done with him?''
''They sometimes rub his head with a
cheap brand of peppermint essence and
turn him out to grass, but no one ever
thinks of doing him HARM"
Sand the next species?"
"The next species is youth from
sixteen to twenty. He labors under
what tho apntnnfc q nA tl,a
head. He gets out the family shotgun
or revolver to show off. He points it at
some boy or girl to see 'em shiver, and
after he has testified before the coroner
that he didn't know it was loaded the
affair is looked upon as ended"
''ls this species on the increasep'
swell, no. The friends of the victims
have got to making such a fuss over
these trihes that the didn 't-know it-was-
loaded Dodo isn't quite holding his
own"
"What is the third species?''
"The third species belongs to the
female sex. OF course there are two
sexes of the Dodo. She buys arsenic to
kill rats, or corrosive -sublimate to dis
courage bed-bugs, or Paris green to
give cockroaches hint to skip, and she
leaves the packages on the pantry shelf
alongside of her baking powder. She
may keep 'em separate for two or three
days, but it isn't over week before the
hire cheap boy to 60 for a doctor and
stomach-pump."
"And is she sorryP"
"Oh, yes. She didn't mean to, you
know; never thought OF. killing the
family; always lived happy with her
husband; had entirely forgotten that he
had any life insurance; was in a hurry
and didn't stop to look"
"And is there yet another species of
Dodop"
"Several others, but we haven't time
to take 'em in detail and give full par
ticulars in each case. The man who
thinks the best horse wins is a Dodo.
The woman who gets into society on
the strength of heG false hair, small
waist, painted eyebrows, chalked cheeks
and cramped feet is Dodo. The man
who thinks he can take comfort on
steamboat eXcusion-the woman who
weeps over the heathen-the girl who
writes poetry on sunsets-the young
man looking for a necktie to become
him-the old man who marrie5 a young
wife-why, it would take me an hour to
mention them all. Put away your books
in careful manner and we will walk
out and see some live specimens of the
Dodo. / know of one who has engaged
to deliver Fourth Of July oration, and
perhaps we may get shot at him. y
Detroit Free Press.