Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-10-27
Floating Fun.

Floating Fun.
When is a vegetable not 8 vegetable?
When 1t Is what you culihower.
Whom the gods love die young. The
gods do not love spring chickens.
A hackman recently went into the
surf at Long Branch, and encountered
q huge shark. Their eyes met for an
instant, when the shark blushed and
swan out.
A Cambridge man arrived in 'front.'
Ter village recently just as gang of
cowboys had taken the town." His
first exclamation was: "Have you folks
a college here all ready?"
Morse. who invented the telegra phi,
and Bell, the inventor of the telephone,
both had deaf-mute wives. Little COM
ment Is necessary: but just see what =
man can do when all is quiet.
A New York man. desiring 10 COM
NIT suicide, shot at himself four times,
without hitting. He will probably be
given position on the American rifle
team in the next MISUNDERSTANDING
match.
Cnarade for the sum mer season: My
first is q man saying: SIS this hot
enough for your" My second is a
thickening thud. My whole is about
si1-by-two-by-four, no flowers, slat him
at nigh, and stamp on the sods.
One line day, as an eminent advocate
was urging most intricate and tire
some case before the court of appeals,
he noticed that one of the judges was
sound asleep and stopped short. "Pray
continue, Brother p" said the chief
justice, benevolently. ''Tnank you,
your honor; but do not mean to fin
ish my argument until your colleague
has awakened up" CAS- yousplease, IRE
piled the chiefjustice; shut l fancy my
colleague does not mean to wake up
until you have finished your argu-
Following the golden rule: Toledo
has one of the most exemplary Chris
tan young ladies we ever knew. When
kissed on the right cheek she always
turns the left also.
A Bluegrass sinner. "Do you ever
go to moeting!' asked minister of a
Bluegrass Kentuckian. Certainly
sir, twice a year; spring meeting and
fall meeting"
Mixed that comet up: A noted dem
ocrat OF this city, going home rather
late from little caucusing party, very
naturally mistook the comet for fire
works in honor of the Ohio election.
Philosophical: The moralist says
every man is occasionally what he
ought to be perpetually." Then, again
some men are perpetually what they
ought to be occasionally.
How to keep the bore away said the
rich and quietloving citizen: aft 8
man bores me and / don't like him
and want him to go away from me
don't snub him. just lend him five
dollars"
Keeping the domestic: An lows
Judge refused woman divorce which
she wanted because her husband kisseC
her pretty servant. He said she ough
to be thankful that her husband hac
found way to keep q servant girl.
| Suggestion as to armor: Nothing
annoys the keeper of railroad restaur
ant more than to have one customer
ask in rather loud tone of another
"Have you ever tried plating warships
with this kind of sandwiches"
A large-souled woman: 1t is not safi
to speak of q western lady as a large
souled woman. She colors up, founce
out of the room, and soliloquizes in III,
sacred fastness of her boudoir: 'I'l
never speak to that hateful old thin,
again-so thercl Large soled, indeed!'
No reason for it: How do you loik,
the new school, Mickey, me SOM?
"Purty well; but, mother, Plat make
the boys at school think Pm Oirish?
ats meself doesn't know, but I've beer
often SUSPECTED av bein Oirish meselt
divil hint av it they liver had from
me-"
A liberalminded woman Nine. g
called at friends house on q wet da,
and, her feet being damp, she said tt
her friend: "My dear, will you let you
maid bring me pair of your slippers?
"My love-" replied her friend-ther,
were several people in the room-"de
you think my slippers will fit you?
"Oh, I think SO, my darling, if you will
tell her 10 put cork sole inside o
them"
Invisible lemon: A man recently fel
down on Warren street. He was larg
individual and took up lots of the side
walk. and bystander thought it tn,
proper time to be funny. "How did 20,
come to fallY' he inquired. son bit O
lemon-""Ye s, sir; on bit of lemon,
replied the corpulent one. "Bnt Sc,
no lemon" replied the funny man
"well, who said you could?' savagel,
roared the corpulent individual, as h,
got up and busted himself eff with hi
handkerchief. Can any one see tn,
lemon in half dozen cocktails, say?'
Loves but dance:
"Oh, loves but a dance,
Where Time plays the fiddle
See the couples advance.
| Oh, loves but dance,
A whisper, glance
Shall we whirl down the middle
Oh loves but a dance
Where time plays the fiddle"