The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-02-07
FLEA BITES.

COME LIT US ALL SCRATCH.
1t has been discovered that the Arabic
for cat is 'git."-Exchange.
Applied to tramps it is good square
English.
A newly welded pair on their wedding
tour stopped at the Hotel Bennett on Fri
day, and, being given a room, were escort
ed To the elevator After viewing the inte
rior of the little room in the elevator, the
groom stepped out and asked the clerk if
he took him for a greenhorn. The clerk
replied in the negative. Then give ME
room with bed in it" replied the unso-
phisticated young man. Matters were eZ-
planned and the elevator shot upward to
the third story.-Ex.
True to nature, bed was the Only thing
absolutely necessary.
A New York paper SAYS there is no
champion billiard player now.
What a national calamity The matter
should be attended to at once.
-0Its scold day when get left, Xantip-
ne remarked when Socrates went of to the
circus without her.-Ex.
1t must have been pretty warm for cd
Soc when he returned, however.
"A priest once asked a condemned
criminal in Paris Jail what kind OF
conscience have your ats as good as
new" replied the prisoner, "fOr l have
never used II.
"A countryman upon coming to see the
sights was taken by town friend to see
the theatre. When the lights were down
and the play had commenced, he was offer
ed the use Of an opera glass. Examining it
as closely as the darkness OF the place
would admit, he placed it to his mouth
and turned it upward. Finding that no
liquid was coming out OF 1T, he handed 1t
back in despair, saying
ats empty, John there's not single
drap III II
-Talmage says: "Men OF talent and
intellect are never good
dancers"
That is true but why Brother Talmage
wants to make such public allusiOn to
our ldliiuS - "HeiC VIC IA eSiy eOhhS' An'
Oscar wouldn't use the gas at his
Washington hotel, but ordered wax
candles.
Wonder ii there was anything else in
his room for which he preferred a substi-
tute.
LADY customer: "Will YOU please
direct me to the dress department ?" Oblig-
ing floor walker: Certainly; walk this
way." Lady customer: "My dear sir, /
couldn't walk that way il l practiced for
two years.
The Virginia legislature has legalized
dueling in that state.-Ex.
This would not show that civilization
was very progressive were it not for the
TACT that dueling in Virginia is less danger
Gus to human life than base ball in
Missouri.
A conceited young fellow said to a
fair partner at a reception: Don't you
think, miss, nv moustache is becoming"
To which she replied, well, sir, they may
he coming, but they have not yet arrived"
When Philadelphia girl is presented
with bouquet, she says, "Oh, how de-
cidedly sweet Its fragrance impenetrates
the entire atmosphere of the room" A
Kansas girl simply says: at smells
scrumpti Gus; thanks, Billy"
There was young esthete named Oscar
Wilde who got into hOss-car,
But ha-ha's and screeches
Assailed his knee-breeches;
"Oh dom dom'd yankees" said Oscar.
We overheard two society young ladies
conversing last evening and they both coh-
cluded that they were not going TO buy any
toggery now.-Moberly Monitor.
What's that? Will some of the lady
readers of the BAzOo enlighten old "Flea
Bites q"
Never leave what you undertake I'M
til you can reach your arms around it and
clinch your hands on the other side" saws
a recently published book for young men.
Exchange.
Excellent advice, but what ii she
screams?
Henry Ward Beecher recently made
from his pulpit ap attack on the school
teachers of Brooklyn, and now the indig-
,.r nnaS ara after bim-Ey