The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1882-09-24
Sentiment and Judgment in Marriage.

Mrs. JULIA WARD HOWE lately lamented
that in fashionable society marriage for love
had gone out of fashion. The marriages
there, she meant were more and more mere
alliances entered into from other than mo-
tivcs of affection. They were made to
strengthen OF advance social connections, to
aggregate property, or simply to get money
and luxury.
or course as society grows older and
richer and its wants more multifarious. such
motives influence marriages more than when
it is young and simple, the disposition Of
property more equal, and the equality OF So
cial condition greater. as it was with us a
few generations ago. Men and women marry
later in life, and they are apt to look more
cautiously before they leap into matrimony,
especially those Of them who have been
brought up in comfort. They are afraid OF
being worse Off after marriage than before.
The tendency of wealth, too, IL toward
strengthening itself, and this it can often do
through marriages. There is also bred in
Older communities strong desire to get up
in the world socially, and that step may fire.
quently be best taken by marriage Wealth
being essential for the demands Of the fash
ionabe, it is inevitable that very many OF
those who belong to that society should
struggle to get it by marriage when they
would lack it otherwise. They cannot keep
their place without certain amount OF
money; and if husband and wife, are poor,
their children will be likely to drop out of the
charmed circle, especially If they cannot
boast descent from the old market gar
deners of this island for instance.
t. u f,,, ~,
wives and rich husbands. rich bachelor is
sure to be courted il he appears in fashion
able society; and elsewhere he is not neg
lected. A girl who has or who is likely to
have pot OF money. discovers many charms
when she comes out at Newport. She is not
left in n corner, but enjoys the lavish atten
lions of both the mammals and their UNI
| married sons.
Indeed, the business OF arranging mar
| riages, of laying out carefully conceived plans
for them, of setting snares to catch the mat
rimonially eligible, and coaching young men
and maidens how to take the prizes, is carried
on to much greater extent In fashionable life,
| and much more skilfully, than in former days
| The supply is far larger and the demand is
far more active. There is u more general dis
| position in elegant society to weigh the con
sequences, social and otherwise, Of u natri-
| monial venture. And the result, OF course,
is the curbing Of youthful sentiment or the
adroit management by elders OF circum-
stances for its stimulation, so that it shall
| take the desired direction, or at least not go
| out in one which seems to be undesirable.
But that does not make it true that love
in marriage has gone out of date, as Mrs.
| HOWE laplnptS What is rollnl fnsbipnohln
society is very small part of the COM
munity, and by no means the best part. And
even there, under the skilful management of
the acquaintanceships of young people, it is
| probable that on the average there is as
much love in marriage as there ever was.
The men and women who are adapted to
each other get together. And one of the
effects Of the greater care taken with the
pairing has undoubtedly been the improve
ment of the physical appearance of the
human stock there; for beauty always wins
in the end, and carries off the prizes Of the
world. 1t gains wealth and social distinc-
ton, and has both to give.
And not only in fashionable life, but also in
that which is far outside of fashion, the dis
| position to count the cost in matrimony
prevails to a wide extent. That was made
manifest in the very interesting discussion
of the marriage question which recently
took place among correspondents OF The Sun.
Can men on small incomes afford to marry
This was the theme, and not few of our
correspondents opposed marriage unless the
mans material circumstances We're to be i'm
proved by it. Those writers took a short
sighted view of the question, but their APP
pearance in the field of discussion showed
that not only in fashionable life, but else
where, sentiment in marriage is subordinated
to pecuniary considerations.
Yet there, too, od-fashioned love is still
about as dominant as ever. Even the men
who talked 50 cynically about marriage are
likely to yield to the gentle passion when ii
asserts itself. or they were only fellows Tilted
whose ire was aroused by the discussion.
Here, for instance, is a letter from q
girl, reared in comfortable life, who fears that
she is going to be inundated on the altar OF
Mammon. She would gladly suffer for love
but to sacrifice love to gain material ease is
hateful to her. This is how she puts it,
"sIn: am girl OF nineteen; have been attending
school until within a few months am compelled
TO receive the attentions of gentleman OF thirty five
whom my parents consider a very suitable companion
for me, but for whom have no regard whatever. Ny
have discovered that he s OF consider
able wealth, and OF course particularly anxious
about my future welfare.
II have every reason to believe that the gentleman
likes me, but return his affections Besides
my heart is given 10 another to young gentleman
highly accomplished, and who possesses nne musica
education. which appreciate very much.
AS my other almirer dskes music can never en-
terrain him; and what gloomy life would lead In hi
company fOrever Another obstacle My young lover Il
poor, but willing to share with him life of hard
ships, should my parents refuse TO assist me,
81 entreat you by your kindness to give me some de
Of the course to pursue under my present anxiety NJ
relations making final arrangements about my wed
ding, with the man whom dislike. OH do instruc
me, and will be forever grateful to you"
A very prettily written little letter 1t Is, anC
one showing that our correspondents parent.
have given her a good education. 1t is cred
liable to her. too, that she does not wish L
marry without affection. But it cannot b,
denied that girl of nineteen is not always
the one best fitted to choose a husband fo
herself; that she is likely to take fancy TO
man who is altogether unsuitable for her