Daily Republican., 1882-04-07
SPO0PENDYKE'S SPREE.
AN AMIABLE HUSBAND WITH THE
HEADACHE.

HEADACHE.
"My dear" said Mrs Spoopendyke,
timidly, pulling at the mosqu.to bar,
cit is time you were up;youll be late at
the office"
For reply Mr. Spoopeudyke emitted
a sound that might have been q groan
or a grun', but was in fact an inarticu-
late curse.
TT is past nine" again venturel
Mrs. Spoo' endyke, extendinga cup of
tea towards the bed
"Dot cash IT," said Mr.. Spocpen-
dyke.
~ don't care what time it Is. I'm
not going down town to-day, any
way" And he sat up in bed and
Jared at his wife.
whats that?" he added, as his
swollen, blodshot eyes, rested on the
s:eaming teacup.
"Don't you want cup of tea this
morning. dear % suggested Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "It'll do your headache
good
Headache, eh ?" growled Mr..
Spoopendyk "Who said ! had a
headache? P'haps Ivd got . glandu-
lar swelling, and an abdominal viscera
and measles" he continued in louder
tone. "Take me for a midnight assas
sin, don't you? Think I'rn running q
parlor Police Gazette, don't you?
bod CAST the measly thing !" he shout
ed, uncollins a damp to~l from his
head; "why don't you bind up my
perforated liver? All you want is a
pound of court plaster and bulletin
hoard to be a Hospital for lncurables.
Gimme drink !"
sits hot" said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
hesltatlngly profering teacup, "but
it's nice aud strong ist the thing for
disordered stomach.
ooh, you know al! abou, it, don't
you," howled MIR. Spoopendyke.
you've been with the boys yourself
haven't you? Fine turn you've tor con-
VITALITY. You wouldn't 60 home Fri.
day morning week, would you? All
you want is dirty apron and a half
dozen dead beasts to run a tirst-class
gin mill. bod CAST the measly tea, !"
bawled Mr.. Spoopendyke, hitting the
saucer whack that sent the scalding
liquor into her face. "Gimms some
GIN
Mrs. Spoopeudske shrieked "Ouch,"
and stopped down to gather up the
broken china, and her spouse, after sur
veying the ruins ana satisfying him
sell that she was not morally wounded
flung his head on the pillow again and
groaned. =,
ale didn't notice the blsckeye he
gave me last night" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, "aud warm teas a
splendid thing for bruises, so perhaps
it was all for the best, only wish it
hadn't been quite so hot"
After putting on little toilet powder
she went softly to the window and
pulled down the shades. "He needs
sleep" she said gently, "and l don't
wonder at it, coming in at four o'clock
this morning. No wonder his legs
couldn't support him. Pm glad slept
before he came in or | shouldn't be able
to walk to-day myself"
"Where's that gin?" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke Ike, beside himself with fury.
"What are you pulling down them
shades for? Think you are going to have
a funeral in the house? 'Spose you are
a dod gasted measly widow? Wonder
who'll provide you with weepers?
Think you're TO let again, don't yon?
Twelve hundred dollars year, with all
modern improvements, on long lease.
bod CAST it, bunch of keys and half
a column advertisement is all you need
to be measly insurance agent. Go
round peddling books with black edged
paper, won't you? bod CAST it, where
that gin? Do you know what gin is,
Mrs. Spoopendyke?" Assuming a
steadiness Of tone from the depth of
scorn that he threw into the inquiry
that made the poor woman jump.
"Gin?" she answered, "to be sure
do. 1t comes in square bottles, with
little necks to them
ooh, you know gin when you see il,
doyou? It's got little neck, has it,
like dod gasted measly clam? You
crack the shell and serve It up with
,rn ard chickens, of course. bod CAST
where left 1t to brace up on this morn
ing," bowed the desperate husband.
"Here it is, said Mrs. Spoopendyke
trying to unscrew the pewter top, and
finally succeeding-"Oh, my! how it
smells"
"You needn't drink it," snapped Mr..
Spoor endyke, eagerly putting the bottle
to his lips and pouring the fluid down
his throat. "Dod CAST it," he said, after
minute spent in the occupation, "get
me some paper"
Mrs. spospendyke, observing the BEN
eficent Z fec g of the alcohol, tripped
lightly down stairs and presently re-
turned with the morning papers. "Shall
raise the shades and open the win
dow?" she said, as she carefully adjust.
ed the mosquito bar.
Eyes, do! !" screeched Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, in paroxysm of rage. "Raise
the roof, raise the neighborhood, raise
Hades, why not you? bod CAST it, do
YOU take me for an express company.
S'pose I'm dod gasted sex5uplex tele.
graph instrument tn send sixty col
umns of reading matter to the Office at
once? Think 7 can write a note be.
tween the letters of these dod gasted
newspapers? Fancy I'm o Patago--
MAN cannil,al to write with blood and
finger nails. Oh. you don't, don't you.
Then why don't you get me pen and
paper? Do you s'pose l can cut an
advertisement of dod gasted head 'on
me and send it to the office by way of
explanation? Take me for a twenty
line big type special from Kalamazoo?
Oh gosh" gasped Mr.. Spoopendyke,
as he once more took comfort in his gin
bottle, what a genius my wife surely
must be.
This sage and complimentary obser'
walton was lost on Mrs. Spoopendyke