Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-12-27
SPICE AND ALLSPICE-
kline friend-The Jersey COW.

| pOlItlCS, DuJ Young mas TO pc done by
| hand.
ONE of the recent poets O's far "a
pen whose ropy ink were purged by
piteous tears !"
IN fishing fur krabs use yur fingers
fur bait; you kun feel them when they
fust bite.--Josh Billings.
GERMANY prohibits the importation of
American pork. Who ever sausage in
justice .-LooOeU Courier.
"WHAT would you do Mr.. M, if your
wife died?" asked Mrs. d. Mr.. M,
(who is very methodicaD-"l would
bury her."
AMONG the novelties announced for
1888 is an almanac with d new joke init.
Send in your orders early to avoid dis
! appointment
The Pilot says Mrs. Langtry's hands
are large and expressive. Has the Pilot
been trying to interview the Lily?-
Boston Post.
A MACHINE for pressing hops has re-
Gently been invented. America is the
home of the hop pressed. = Cincinnati
SATURDAY Night.
ALMOST a bad disaster" is head
ing in an exchange. We are now en-
gagged ID a wild search for a good dis
aster. Oil City Blizzard.
Bob INGERsOLL is very wrathy over
the Star route removals. He doesn't
believe in bereafter-and especially in
a hereafter that begins now.
eyes," said the captain of the ocean
steamship, eve had very expensive
trip this time. Very little sea-sick-
ness; passengers ate frightfully."
WILDE OSCAR says his greatest diff
Guilty IN life is selecting his necktie and
Hawkeye Burdette advises him to secure
some sheriff to choose it for him.
The New Jersey Enterprise is respon-
sible for the following horror: "If men
will persist in riding bicycles, women
should be justified in ridingotes."
If two-wheeled wagon is a bicycle
and three-wheeIed wagon tricycle.,
what would you cali fve-wheeled one :?
A V-hicle of course. = PhjEadeLp7li0
NeaU8.
WE often hear actors speak of "my
tailor" ''my shoemaker" "my at
torney," ETC., but who ever heard one
speak of "my pawnbroker?"- Dramatic
! World.
ORDINARY "stars" on the theatrical
stage are not out of place, but "shoot-
ing stars" should be suppressed. We
couldn't re- rayne from making this re
mark.-NOr. Herald.
Two Brattleborough ladies have spent
six years in embroidering picture in
worsted entitled "The Exposure OF
Haman." It was crewel thing to DO.
Boston Transcript.
AN enterprising editor writes on
Chow to treat woman" The only safe
way for ones pOcketbOok is to never
show them a bill of fare. They have o
fondness for large fgures.-NeaO HuVen
Register.
"AH! excuse me, - exclaimed an Ar
kansas man as he knocked down a
stranger in the street. 81 thought that
you were friend of mine. Ny eyesight
is failing me, so I'll have to wear
glasses. "-Arkan80D Traveller.
Mrs. LANGTRY says she used to milk
the family COW, ana would do it again if
necessary. But let no young wife think
this was what gave her her beauty. It
was getting up bright and early on
bracing winter mornings to start the
fires. Current Comment.
Mrs. PIERRE LoRTLLARD's ball this
week will be attended by 500 people, if
they chews to come. The gentlemen
will wear ping hats, most of the ladies
will have fine cut features, and the
hostess will have several female friends
to back 'er. Philadelphia NeaOS.
Down quilts can be bought for $50
\, ,~1,4 H. Ill
cold winter night you imagine you are
freezing until you get up and pile all
your clothes on top of it; then you go to
sleep and dream that you have tumbled
down the crater of volcano and can't
get out.-Er.
A POET asks, "WIlI I ever feel the
dewy kiss of the morn as it breaks DER
the hills afar?" We are afraid not I'M
less he gets girl who will let him sit
up with her. Then he will be able to
feel the dewy kiss of about half-past one
in the morning, and the breaking over
the hills afar he can do to suit himself.
l-CIjp10er.
CONCERNING the Alabama girls, whose
custom it is to have the initials Of their
! sweetheart's name tattooed in mono
| SLdL1S Oh I'll Z kJd1LI VI luS 15IG Ld1il ttuG
nearest the hearD, it is suggested by
the Philadelphia News that their moth
ers should tattoo them with the palms
of their hands elsewhere. That would
sc beat the tattoo" all hollow Bur-
dette.
AUGUSTUS was told of an extravaganza
Roman knight who had wasted all his
property. When his goods were sold at
auction Augustus commissioned a per-
son to bid for his pillow. Being asked
why he wished to have this article of
furniture in particular, he replied: "Such
pillow must be very desirable upon
which man SO deep in debt could sleep
so soundly."
AN old lady in the country had
dandy from the city to dine with her on
a certain occasion. For dessert there
happened to be an enormous apple pie.
ella, ma'am!" said he, chow do you
manage to handle such a pie?" "Easy
enough, " was the reply, eve make the
crust up in a Wheelbarrow. wheel If