Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-05-03

coke and little ton.-Cambridge Tri-
bune.
Hanlan's Hymn: One sweetly, sol
cmn thought, comes to me oar and oar I;
it's better rowing with the tide than
tending country store.--New York
News.
Somebody threw red light on the
falls Of Niagara the other night, and
folks thought the cataract was blushing
at the way hackmen around there
charge folks.-Ex.
The clergymen at Lampass supply
the prisoners in jail with manuscript
sermons to read during their leisure
hours. The way of the transgressors
is very hard,-Texas Siftings.
A small boy in this city who was
playing truant the other day, when ask
ed if he wouldn't get whipping when
he got home, replied: "What is five
minutes licking to five hours of fun ?"
Lawrence American.
Now that ladies' bonnets are made Of
glass, such remarks as these will fall on
our ears George, dear, ] think you
might get me cut glass bonnet like
Mr.. Sprotts instead of making me wear
this horrid thing made of common
lager beer glass. Puck.
When lighting rod man mys-
teriously disappears in Michigan, the
matter is never investigated. People
are satisfied to have him gone, and no.
body dares to hunt him for fear they'll
fra him and be bull-dozed into buying
q rod.-Boston Post.
Why don't go to work? Would
you have me imperil my life, sir! No,
sir; you can't have seen the statistics"
(Reads.) at is estimated that 100000
persons are annually killed in England
from causes directly resulting from in
dustrial occupations"
"Whore do people go who deceive
their fellow men?' inquired Sunday
school teacher. Sometimes to Canada,
but mostly they goes to Europe" was
the reply of youngster whose uncle
had recently been trusted officer in a
local bank.-The Hour.
Neat feminine rejoinder: Friend
"You really must know Mrs. Sorimon,
the novelist. She is a lovely woman;
and you never would know she was a
writer. Positively nothing of her books
about her." Second friend--"Ah, then,
/ am sure she must be charming. Tx =.
"The meanest job ever undert ook,
said Colorado man, twas that of
apologizing to widow on behalf Of a
vigilance committee which had hanged
her husband by mistake. 1t was hard
to find just the excuse that would sat
isfy her. boston Post.
"Cut you out in one minute, sir,"
said the silhouette man. Nothing
very remarkable about that" replied
Fogg sadly. 81 had n fellow cut me
out darncd sight quicker than that
once" And Fogg mcandered sadly
along, his mind haunted with visions
Of bright eyes and fair hair, and tor
menting thoughts Of what might have
been. .-Ex.
A young curate having preached be
fore his vicar for the first time, asked
that worthy at the close Of the service
which passage in his sermon he thought
the best, to which the vicar made re-
ply, "Your passage from the vestry
to the pulpit was very fine, but COM
mend me to that from the pulpit to the
vestry for downright, hcart-relieving
effect.
Post obit: "Mrs. Malloy-"Shure,
Mrs. McManus, an it's rather poorly
yer looking this morning" Mrs. Nc.
Manus-"Indade, thin, Mrs. Malloy,
an it's good raison I'm havin to look
poorly. Here's the postman just been
to the doore to tell me there's n dead
letter waitin' fur me at the postoffice
an l can't fur the life of me think who
it is that's dead."-Frce Press.
| -----
A Brooklyn clergyman informs us
upon what appears good authority, that
nine-tenths of the redeemed in Heaven
will be women. After this announce
ment the man who wouldn't set his face
Heavenward isn't the man we take him
for.-Boston Transcript. If the Brook.
lyn clergyman is right in his estimate
eight-tenths of the women will immi-
CRATE for other quarters-where the
poor roasted men are.