davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
Eating Before Sleeping.

Man is the only ar.mal that can be
taught to sleep quietly on an empty
stomach. The brute creation resent ali
efforts to coax them to such n violation
OF the laws of nature. The lion roars
in the forest until he has found his prey,
and when he has devOured it he sleeps
over until he needs another meal. The
horse will paw all night in the stable
and the pig will squeal in the pen, re-
fusing all rest of sleep until they are fed.
The animals which chew the cud have
their own provision for a late meal just
before dropping off to their nightly slum-
bers.
Man can train himself to the habit of
sleeping without preceding meal, but
only after long years of practice. AS he
comes into the world nature is too strong
for him, and he must be fed before he
will sleep. A child's stomach is small,
and when perfectly filled, if no sickness
distrlrbs it, sleep follows naturally and
inevitably. AS digestion goes on the
stomach begins to empty. A single fold
in it makes the little sleeper restless;
two will waken it; and if it is hushed
again to repose the nap is short. Pare
goric or other narcotic may close its
eyes again, but without either food or
ooIhC WILL DOC SICcp,
no matter how healthy it may be. Not
even an angel who learned tho act of
minstrelsy in celestial choir can sing
babe to sleep upon an empty stomach.
We use the oft-quoted illustration,
sleeping as sweetly as an infant" be-
cause this slumber of a child follows i'm
mediately after its stomach is complete
ly filled with wholesome food. The
sleep which comes to adults long after
partaking of food, and when the stom-
ach is nearly or quite empty, is not after
the type of infantile repose. There is
all the difference in the world between
the sleep of refreshment and the sleep
of exhaustion.
To sleep well the blood that swells tho
veins in the head during our busy hours
must flow back, leaving a greatly dimin-
ished volume behind the brow that late
ly throbbed with such vehemence. To
digest well, this blood is needed at the /
stomach and nearer the fountains of life.
1t is fact established beyond the possi-
bility of contradiction that slesp aids
this digestion, and that process OF diges-
ton is conducive of refreshing sleep. 1t
needs no argument to convince us of
this mutual relation. The drowsiness
which always follows the well-ordered !
meal is itself a testimony of nature to
this intcr-dependence.- York Jour
nal Of Commerce.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
The Meaning of Either"

The legal meaning of the word
"either" was gravely argued in an En-
glish Court of Chancery few years
ago. A certain testator left property,
the disposition of which was affected
by the ..death of either of two persons.
One lawyer insisted that .'either' meant
both; and in support of this view he
quoted Richardson, Webster, Chaucer,
Dryden, Southey, the story of cruel
fixion and passage from Revelations.
The Judge suggested that there was an
old song in ''The Beggar's Opera which
took the other view, GLOW happy would
1 be with either, were 'tother dear
charmer away P" In pronouncing judgg-
ment the court ruled that ''either'' meant
one of two, and did not mean ''both;' it
might have the meaning occasionally in
poetry, but never in a court OF chancery.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
Saved bv a Bonnet.

The other day Col. Fizzletop. of Aus
tin. took his wife out for a drive. He
| was driving very high-spirited horse.
when it occurred to Mrs. FIzzletop that
she would like to drive that kind of an
animal. She remarked:
Il have often heard you say, colonel,
that woman did not know how to
drive; now want to show you how
badly mistaken you are. Give me the
reins."
''Not with this buggy replied Fizz-
letop, trembling all over. Il know You
can drive splendidly, but wait until to-
morrow, and I'll borrow an old second
hand buggy from friend for you to
practice with. saw where a woman in
Galveston smashed up a new buggy SO
that it cost forty dollars to repair It SO
it could be used for kindling-wood. Let
us keep this buggy to go to our funerals
in.'
$50 you think I cannot drive this
horse?'' -
Il know you can drive well enough,
but before going down the avenue let's
drive back, and kiss the children and
your mother goodbye, and then over to
the marble-yard and pick out q tomb
stone, and then down to the undertaken
''Out to the lunatic asylum, and leave
you there for awhile. You are talking
like you didn't have good senser
Gan right just take the reins and
give the people chance to fresco the
wheels with their brains''
You are in no danger of losing any
brains. Get upr' said Mrs Fizzletop,
as she took the lines.
''How polite people are to get out of
the way" she remarked, as the near
wheels scraped the bosom of fiying
drummer's pants, the end of one of the
shafts Knocked the hat off the head of
prominent banker, while life insur-
ance agent was acting as brake for
the off wheel. without his intending it at
ALL
just at this moment, when FizzIetop
had given up all hope, just as the buggy
was about to telescope street-car full
OF passengers, just as the drivers of 9TH
er teams were whipping up their teams
to escape from the Fizzletop avalanche
on wheels, Mrs Fizzletop saw a new
hat in a store window, and in spite of
the frantic efforts of the frenzied animal.
held him as in a wise until Fizzletop had
purchased the hat; and thus the danger
was averted. When lady has made
up her mind to have new bonnet, two
locomotives cannot pull her past the
store window.-Teras Sittings.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
Hard of Hearing.

One of our stOn-millionaire rail-
road kings, says the Courier, has a
brother who is quite hard of hearing.
while he himself is known from here to
Burlington in Missouri as having very
prominent nose Once he went to New
York and dined at a friends house,
where he sat between two young ladies.
The ladies talked to him very loudly and
rather to his annoyance. but he said
nothing. Finally one of them fairly
yelled little, commonplace remark at
him, and then said, in an ordinary tone.
to the other,-
Did you ever see such nose in all
your life?''
Pardon me, ladies'" said our million
aire; ait is my brother who is deaf"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
Practical Jokes,

Some years ago the writer was walk
ing through Fourteenth streetsgot up at
great expense, and perfectly satisfied
with herself, when silver-haired, be-
nevolent old gentleman me ther, looked
intently at her head, and said:
II beg your pardon: did you put in
both your earrings when you came out?"
Down dropped muff and portemon-
naie and handkerchief, and up went a
pair of frightened hands to both ears
Because" continued that venerable
old joker, ''they are both in your ears
now"
And he raised his deceitful old hat
from his wicked old head and passed
along. have often thought of that jolly
antique and his manner of amusing
himself.
just such an old joker will Louis Har-
rison, the young actor, be if he lives and
Keeps on as he's begun. A crowded car
going into Boston stopped at some sta
ton. In walked Louis, intently study
ing the envelope of a telegraphic dis
patch. Then, in q loud voice, demurely
surveying the address, he said: HAS
any one on board got q Lucy"
Here he paused and surveyed the
troublesome inscription in better light.
An old gentleman sprang up, saying:
my wifes name is Lucy" Before he
could sit down lady exclaimed: 81
have sister Lucy" II am glad to hear
it," resumed the dreadful young man,
''but have to know if any one on board
has a Lucy-fer match, as would like
to smoke
Two carpet-bags and an umbrella
reached the spot he occupied about one
second after he had vanished; and then
people began to realize the utter absur-
dity of the question they had responded
to; but people on cars often do foolish
things.
Sitting in the New York & BostonEx-
press in the old depot at New Haven, a
was on board. An old lady directly in front
of me tremblingly got up, read the tele-
gram the man handed, and in great
haste left the car. She stood crying on
the platform, gathering her baggage
when spied a little sachel and umbrel-
la on the seat in front. The cars were
in motion, but with ofiicious promptness.
the window being open, chucked the
two articles out upon the platform and
leaned back like one who has done noble
deed. Presently dapper young man
came in and began poking about for his
and sachel The passengers
who had seen my baggage-act never be-
trayed me, but we all laughed and some
one said the young man had better ''tele-
graph back to New Haven as some ac-
cident had called a traveller off the train
and great deal Of baggage was carried
out to her."
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
Letting q Dog Loose.

i Some days since saloon-keeper on
GratiOt avenue paid certain parties In
Chicago $25 for q stuffed lion to add to
the attractions of his saloon, and the
other morning as the place was being
| scrubbed out the lion was placed at the
front door to keep him out of the wet.
Hall . block down the street a farmer
was having his wagon repaired. and a
big bulldog was chained to the hind
axletree. He grew uneasy the minute
the lion was rolled out, and it needed
only few encouraging words from the
boys to render him half frantic. He
growled and plunged and tore around
and attracted quite a crowd, among
which was q man who remarked:
That's purity brave dog of yours,
stranger"
..Bravel Id like to see the man or
beast he wouldn't tackler' replied the
owner.
II dunno about that. Never saw a
dog yet who'd stand before ion.''
.'Well, here's one who'd stand before
two lions. See how anxious he is to get
there P''
'.Yes, but ne puts that on because
he's chained. If he was loose YOU
couldn't get him within a rod of that
specimen"
:. "Couldn't Ell? Maybe you wans to
hear yourself talk
swell, dunno. Tn opposed to bet
ting, card-playing, dancing and all that,
but seeing you are rather sassy about this,
I've got half dollar here which SAYS
that you can't get that dog to go within
six feet of that ion.''
'.Put up the money-put up the mon
eyr' shouted the farmer as he went
down into his own pockets after the
coin.
The money was put UP, the crowd fell
back, and the farmers face wore a
smile of triumph as he still further ex-
cited the dog and then slipped his col
lar. With a yell of rage the 'scanine''
made bee-line for the king of beasts,
and in another moment there was reason
for q terrific yell of applause. Dog and
hon filled the air, so to say. The lion
was rolled over and over, grabbed by
the throat and shaken around, drawn
across the street and back by the ear,
and when the dog finally let up on the
corpse the battle ground was covered
with hair and hay and saw-dust and glass
eyes. At that moment the saloon-keep-
er rushed out. a policeman came up,
ouO AOE uS0 ulluutcS the d1E was rent
with shouts and exclamations and ex-
postulations.
ut was all in fun," explained the
farmer.
dat lions cost me $25 in Cheecago!'
protested the saloon man.
Who put up this job?' demanded
the officer as he glared around on the
crowd.
By and by a deep silence fell upon the
crowd, and in a voice which had only
in it the owner of the lion said
he must have his $25 or he would start
for the Police Court The policeman
said it was certainly case for the courts,
and the crowd said the farmer might |
have known what would happen. He
protested, but finally came to time, and
when he had passed over $40 bill and
given his note for the balance, he had
,nly one sentence to utter. That was:
''Now, then, I'll give any of you five
.cres of land to put me face to face with
he outlaw who put up this job on a
woodworking. innocent man !'-Detrot
Free Press.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26

Denmark has a law that other nations
might well incorporate in their criminal
code. 1t provides for the punishment of
persons who wilfully refuse to succor
helpless persons, In case of death from
want of aid. In certain cases the omis-
sion even to afford aid is punishable.
The law provides that ''whoever has re-
fused to help another person in mortal
danger, when he could have done SO
without peril to his own life, and that
person has persisted in consequence. is
liable to either Imprisonment or tine.'
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
False Teeth Lost and Pound.


DR.. Myers, the City Physician of Pat
erson, was summoned out of his bed
early one morning to attend a lady who.
it was said, had accidently swallowed
her set of false teeth. On arriving at
her residence he found the house full OF
neighbors. Doubling friends had turned
the house topsy-turvy to find the missing
teeth. The patient was suffering ex-
cruciating agony, and the first thing was
to administer sedatives to relieve her.
Then the Doctor examined her throat,
but he could discover no scratches or
other evidences of her having swallowed
the plate, which contained sixteen teeth.
She seemed able to swallow both liquids
and solids without difficulty. She said
she could plainly feel the sharp edge of
the plate cutting the side of her stomach.
II don't see how such a big plate of
teeth could go down such a small
throat said the Doctor, looking into
her mouth again. s.It must have been
lost somewhere about the house."
80, no." screamed several of the wO-
men gathered around. 1--WE have ex-
amined the house from top to bottom"
"Where did you usually put your
teeth at night P'' asked the Doctor. rails
ing his voice that he might be heard in
the excitement.
81 generally put them under my pill
low after / go to bed" groaned the
woman.
Somebody go there and look again."
the Doctor called.
One of the neighbors looked again"
but in vain.
Nov, then, one of You go and feel in
side the pillow case, ,ejacuiated theDoctor.
ssTen to one if she hasn't stuck the
teeth inside the pillow ease"
One of the women hurried away, and
in moment later returned holding the
missing set of teeth in her hand. As
the Doctor had suspected, the woman
had put the teeth ON the inside of the
pillow case, and when she subsequently
felt for them under the pillow she could
not find them.
The woman's terrible pains disap-
peared as suddenly as if cured by
miracie-N Y San.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
he Didn't Take,

:. 1n one respect, at least, RUTHERFORD
can't keep abreast Of the times ne
doesn't ''catch on'' to current slsng.
He can not remember it, and If 6e
could he would know as little how to
handle it as does the Hottentot of the
use of the pocket check book.
Shortly after his return from the
country, he had occasion to enter 8
counting-room where his face is not
wholly unknown. After several greet
ings, the cashier, who was busy with q
pile OF money, looked up and ex-
claimed:
s.Halloa, Butterford that your
Haven't seen you for an age. Been
mo" answered rutherford. II have
not been abroad, but my; sister Maud
..Ahem.' interrupted the second
book-keeper, and the sentiment was SO
generally echoed that the ..firm" in the
private office. seriously meditated, free
troches for the crowd. -s..s
Butterford paused aminute, deploring
the effects of the recent cool weather
and then resumed: mo, i haven't
been abroad yet, but my sister-.--''rll
"Oh, give us something freshr' inn
pAOAOA eAC OlAACC OOy. -gfsf s4fsf@F4-3l
Butterford stopped and eyedthe urchin
abroad" he began again, .'but my.
Here he paused and regarded the sim
gular behavior of the second book
keeper with uneasy suspicion. What
disposal that young gentleman intended
making of the Paper-weights; hand
stamps, and other small articles he was
furtively collecting, he could only guess.
''As was saying" he tried for tho
fourth time, 81 have not yet been
abroad, but my sister Mau-'
The head book-keeper brandished his
ruler nlenacingly, and hisable assistant,
who had confiscated the cashiers
sponge, discharged it, all dripping, at
Butterford's jaw. His aim was uner-
ring; it struck the mark with force and
precision. crushing efectually the final
effort. -, .55,;,-+.45
Butterford is slow to anger, but, his
spirit can be. aroused by patient and
methodical abuse, and this time his per-
secutOrs had no cause to complain of
non-success. He uttered no vitupera-
tions. but he called up such a look of in.
dignation and contempt, blended in the
usual proportions, and distributed it
freely among those clerks, with large
third for the second book-keeper, that
they We're all troubled with alternate
pangs of remorse and the side-ache for
a week afterward. Then he faced stiff
ly to the right-about, shook the dust
from his feet and departed.
Ten days severe FRAMEWORK, an ex-
tended conversation with three maiden
allnts, and half-minute interview with
a boot-black, We're needed to enlighten
as to the reason why the
boys wouldn't let him tell them that al
though he had not been abroad. his SIS
ter Maud thought that such a trip might |
benefit his health.-EteUdted RailaOav
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26

Prof. Huxley says: 'If the sound of
music doesn't cause dog acute pain.
why does the animal sit up ON its
launches and howl when a German
band is doing its worst in the street?'
Well tell you, Professor. The dogs acts
that way because it loves music, and is
waiting for chance tograb the leader OF
the band by the throat. 1t is not sign
that a dog doesn't love music because a
street band makes him howl. Old Mem
delssohn would sit up on his hind legs
and howl, too if he could hear some OF
the street music of our day.-1He
JudOe. ~
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
The BELGIAN Devil"

The London Fishing Gasette has an il
lustrated article with this heading. The
"devir' is heavy iron implement like
four fish-hooks fastened back to back.
1t is three feet high, and the inside part
of the hooks are sharpened. tits claimed
that the Belgian fishermen in the North
Sea, engaged in trawling, carry such an
implement hanging from the bow,
which cuts through the English nets and
lets the fish into the Belgian trawl. One
was recently lost from an Ostend traw-
Ter, and captured in an English fishing
net. If this is practised, breaches of
the peace between the fishermen of
England and Belgium may be looked
for. IL.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26

Algy-"They want $4,000 for the
lease, Maria. 1t runs for eighty-nine
years" Maria-"Oh, don't buy it,
Algy. Only eighty-nine years! Fancy
dear baby being turned out of his house
at 81. and possibly intirm into the bar.
gain p~RHNek k.e~--sp~~~A-s
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
The Prodigal's Return.
ny EUGENE j. HALL.

The nirht-dew was falling on hillside and
plain
wnen one who was weary and poor,
With travel-worn feet and in sickness and
pain,
Returned to his own fathers door.
FOrSaScn and fricndiesS, in sorrow and shame,
Once more to tho home of his childhood he
came.
He was ragged without, he was hungry with
E! in: ---..=t
His soul had gone wildly astray;
By living in luxury. riot, and sin,
His Substance had wasted away.
With torn, bleeding feet, and with uncovered
: He came came for shelter and morsel of bread.
The father, beholding his penitent son,
Rcjoiced that the last one was found,
Nor chided him harshly for what he had done,
Bnt lifted him up from the ground.
He s,tw him returning. no longer to roam,
And joyfully, tenderly, welcomed him home.
Are you wasting the years of your manhood
away
In vanity. folly, and sin2
Ysur friends will forsalkc you, your strength
will decay,
The reaper win gather you in;
Then haste to your home, ere you die In de-
spair,
Your father fs waiting to welcome you there.
Your soul may be weak and your sins may be
great,
Your Heavenly Father, to-day,
Will greet you again if you knock at tho gate,
Nor turn You in anger away.
Though far from His presence in sorrow you
roam,
With Kindness and love he viii welcome you
home.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
NEPOKOITCHITZKY.

In an album Of autographs Alphonso
our lives we pass in desiring the second,
has written: '.What is dutyf i j.
~hat We exact q othsSs.n = ns.ces,aSk 4
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26

A Humboldt county, California. hunt
er, between Sept. l, 1879, and October
%, 1881, killed 181 bears. "a panthers,
15l wildcats. las foxes. SSl eNapa Z
eexetaA end y AA8 eagleA ~
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26

Hereditary mobiles les..... e5s sS7
Personal mobiles Observation-Disclosures. 374. .3sa6
Clerical classes. Observation-Disclosures. fa5al5
nown ciasses---.-- -.-.-.-.-.----- lE.u5
Military classes. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. 4,161, ,7t3
fofelgners- I53,la
A more recent estimate makes the en-
tire population of European Russia to
be slightly in excess of $4,000, 600 of
whom about 50,O0O,O 900 belong to the
rural classes. In other words five-sixths
of the people of Russia are peasants
freed from bondage scarcely score of
years since, very ignorant, very super
stitious, and entirely unskilled in the
responsibilities of government. Schools
are not yet common, and the proportion
of those who can read and write is prob
ably less than among the emancipated
blacks of the Southern States of this
Union. With this class the Gar has to
deal on one side. Its members are the
persons chiefly to be benefited. On the
other side, and in majority of cases
opposed to the granting of extended re-
forms to the lower orders, are the hered-
itary mobiles, who are powerful ON ac-
count of their wealth and their numbers,
which are strikingly out of proportion
with the few hundred fortunate posses
sors of titles in the other European
countries. Were the Car too progress
sive in tendency he would antagonize
the noblesse, and they might, in dealing
with him, revive the darker methods Of
old Russia, which were hardly superior
to those of the Nihilists of to-day-San
Francisco Bulletin.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
The Russian Chief of staff.

Gen. Nepokoitchitzky, whose death
was reported recently, had name that
to American ears, sounded uncommonly
strange, evenfor Russian patronymic.
1t means, we believe, q ''reStless man."
though the General was known for his
quiet bearing. AT the outbreak of the
Russo-Turkish war the name was avo.y
slough of despond to compositors and
proof-readers. 1t remained to the end
a terror to adventurous pronouncers.
Indeed, like the great Egyptian divinity,
Osiris, though for very different rea-
son, Gen. Nepokoitchitzky was usually
designated by his attributes instead of
by his name. This practice suggested
the following. sally, which appeared in
May, 1877:
NEPOKOITCHITZKY.
Into the sanctum rushed man, and "Tell me
quick" he cried,
''Who is the Russian Chief of Staff2" The edi-
tor replied:
''Ihe Chief of Staff is Gen. Nep''-and then he
made pause;
Alas! he c0uldn tell the name unless he broke
his jaws.
A sub was sitting opposite, as pert as sub
He turned him to the qucstioner and briskly
answered he
"Osiris is the Generals name-his other we re-
nounce;
Osiris answers very well-the name that none
boston Herald.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-01-26
Russia.

Reform in Russia means more than is
generally supposed. In Russian statis-
tics we find the population of the coun-
try somewhat vaguely classified as fol-
lows.