The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-04-05
FLOATING FANOIEs.

Inquirer.-Where is the best place to learn
to sing? The desert.
Mic-ado of Japan must be Irish. The
name gives him away.
There is no sorrow greater than to love
what is great. and try to reach it, and yet to
fail.
II occasionally drop into poetry" as the
man said when he fell into the editorial
waste basket.
Handsome Jack.-How can a man lie and
maintain his reputation? Have the rep
utation of being a liar.
It's an uncommon fine thing when you can
let a man know just what you think'of him
without paying for it.
.sThere's music in the heir" %sorrowfully
exclaimed the young husband, as he reached
for the paregoric bottle.
Where ope woman scans the horizon for
scouting a%mongtheir neighbors trying to bor-
row saleratus.
Life is so complicated a game that the de-
vices of skill are liable to be defeated at
every turn by air-blown chances, incalcula-
BILE as the descent of the thistle down.
Copy of a notice on the beach at Brighton:
ssIn case of ladies in danger of drowning
they should BE seized by thu elething and not
by the-hair. which generally comes off,
A pretty school girl of Virginia would not
as a witness, be confused by a lawyer.
When he had exhausted himself, she sweetly
said sDon't you want to ask me some
more?"
In Southern Kentucky there is not a ''ma-
ior." But, says tho New York Herald, if
any one shouts COLONEL the very mules on
the turnpikes stop, wondering what the
driver has to communicate to them.
A bit of black court-plaster is a very good
thing to mend a small tear in black silk or
any kind of black goods. Moister. the plaster,
put underneath the tear, sticky side up, and
press the frayed edges Of the goods down
upon it,
The Boston Post can't see any object in
walking with a girl unless you put your arm
around her, and millions of female voices
are CRYING out over the land: ''Neither cel
we !'-Detron Free Press. Why don't 20,
help stop the noise ?-Boston Post.
Gus singsadly was asked if he made an.
calls New Year, and replied: Eyes, | calle'
once on q king full and collided with foura
Of course, I blew in my last cent, and | shall
not be able to call again until next Nev
Year, unless the old man dies and leaves M
his sand"
A citizen went into a hardware store tn
other day and enquired: SLOW much d
YOU ask for a bath tub for a child ?" s'Thre
dollars and seventy five cents was the re
DIV. W-h-e-W!" whistled the customer
Guess we'll have to go on washing the bah
in the c%oal-scuttle till the prices come down.
A New Hampshire girl went into a Bosto
general furnishing store, and stepping up
the pale, intellectual-looking young man be
hind the nearest counter, asked him it b
would be kind enough to fit her with a pal
Oh gloves. uIRn-UiOWC0
glanced at her hands and then calling to
!, cash boy, who was compromising spit-bal
at the opposite counter, said: 'Here, Pete
show this young lady to the pillow-case de
%partment.'
A young man, pale and visibly agitated
hurriedly entered a drug store late one nigh
= last week, and accostiDg the clerk, sale
sGive me an ounce of chlora.e Of potash
will you, as quick as you can p Observin
bis perturbation, the clerk ventured to ask
whats syour hurry?' why. I've bee
kissing our Sunday school teacher sin ce min
O'Clock, and she didn't tell me till ten mir
utes ago that she was afraid she had tn
diphtheria."
Boys Composition on Doing the Menagerit
: The rhinozerus lives in Ashar, and 20
kant stick a pin in i'm, cause his Weskit
built Ov old stoves. When q ~rhinozerus
. gonter be kid yu muz always go up to hir
before, so OK he'll kno' somethin' ov it, al
; try an make a place for q built to git il
His nose is got q upper teeth that's got n
business whar it il, and if a boy should q
down on ii, he better stay plugged up wit
the tooth, rels he'll be all one pore. I
rather be q polliwog if was . rhinozeruf
tho / s'pose if I was ! wouldn't.