Morris tribune., 1882-03-30
WAS expended, ana reisuve amounts. WIN be
FFLlN AND MARIA ANN.

Once upon q time, and a very good time
II was. there lived % fair young maiden
whose name was Mary Ann.
She wasn't n tall dark eyed maiden, with
lips like cherries, teeth ike milk white
| pearls, and cheeks covered with blushes.
Her form was not bit like Hebe. On,
no! there was none of those things around
| her. On the contrary, she was short and thin,
and had red hair, freckles, and second
hand set of teeth; but still she would pass
in Il crowd
Now there was young man who was
smitten with err and his name war Felix,
or more familiary known as Felix MEG ottin.
He wasn't very tine-loosing and did moi
have curly bro an hair or q black mustache.
Not muChi
This Felix was in love with Mary Ann;
! but did he 60 and make deliberate ass OF
| himself? Did he, say, go into grove
| with her, and in the soft moonlight, by the
| streamlet that murmurea sweetly by, and
| with tender z9phyrS sighiug through the
! foliage fall down upon his knees, seize her
| iewelled hand, breathe his deep affections
III tho tender accents OF love, and swear by
yon bright orb above us always to be her
own? Say, did he? My gentle readers,
want to know if lie did?
| Not very lGuchly and you can put up
| your whole week = wages Oh that.
| Felix knew too much about the price OF
! pants to go tonndering around on the wet
| grass with his Sunday clothes on; besides.
| be never cared about stFeamlets, or any
! cold water, except to mix IT with his bitters
| 1t is exceedingly strange, but this infatu-
ated Felix met her at the alley-gate, and he
stood right up ou his old legs and says:
Say, Mary, old gal; s'pose we get
| hitched2"
IL IL ~,
| dropping asleep on the wet bricks in a
dead faint, or did she hide her gen tie head
| on his shirt bosom to conceal her bushes?
| Mol Sheldidnt say: "I am thine, my own
love, my dear beloved Felix" On, my, no!
| She looked right into his bleared eyes
! aud says:
| Felix, Old boy, l am the gal for these
sort of things. Get in lemmins;" and in
stead of referring him to her father she
| merely said: Won't the old man bust ont
when you tell him?" and she laughed
heartily; but never u word did she say to
Felix in regard to modifying her father.
Mol this naughty child very wickedly ad-
yIsed him to bust the old mans crust if
ne was inclined to be windy.
She WAS an extraordinary female, this
Mary Ann.
The old man wasn't wealthy, for he was
didn't think Felix was nosing around for
his cash; consequently, VIII an Felix asked
him for his daughter 8 hand, he neither Or
ilered him away fiercely, nor did the dewy
nostura elisten in his eagle eye as he
passed his benedictions on them, and sal d :
Bless you, my children; bless you"
Oh. no; nothing Of the sort. He just
blew his red old horn on his handkerchief
and told Felix to take her along, for he was
glad to get nd of her atsany price, and Fe-
liz would be the same way mighty soon, for
she was dreadful on victuals. and always
smashed something when she got mad.
So you see there was no necessity for him
to come at midnight's solemn hour in
black Marie, and throw rope ladders up to
her lattice and whistle three times on Il
Sateh-k key; then COUP hand over hand; bring
her down in one hand her trHnk in the 9TH
er, and band boz and q waterfall under
each arm.
Oh, no, he wasn't on that lay; so hs Just
went out in the yard and out of pure Joy he
sluDg the, cat three or four times oyer his
head and then went out for his butch or
cart and drove Mary Ann right down to
Judge Smith to have the job done.
But the quesrest thing of all was that he
had no tall, dark. ruaianly rival with a
seowling yisage and dark whiskers, who
|
horse pistol on each shoulder, crying wild
ly for Revenge! ha! ha! s'death!" and
William, thou diest!"
Net any. To be sure there was another
fellow, Patsy Schemmerhorn by name, in
love with Mary Ann, but he was weak
eyed young man who had sandy hair and
wore spectacles and q choker collar, and
always looked scared when you hollered at
him. So when Schemmerhorn saw that
Felix had the best OF the girls affections,
he looked serene and said: go in, Felix
if you banker for her."
Felix was a trifie on the banker. He
sailed right in.
SO you see he had no trouble at all. There
was no urgent business that called him to
foreign land. compelling him to bid her
goed-by, and swear always to be "true till
death doth part us, and then 90 away and
forget her, and fall in love with a dark
eyed Italian girl picking grapes ina vine
yard with square towel On her head while
his forgotten and forsaken Mary Ann grad
ually sank away and baftied the physician 8
skill, growing paler and paler, till at last
when the June bugs were in bloom, lying
gently down to die. while through the win.
dow foated In the balmy odor Of jassamines
and honeysuekles; and he, coming home at
last, filed with remorss, going daily to the
cemetery strewing flowers DER her tomb,
and teaching his children to lisp her
name.
Never! Felix was q butcher and he STAY.
ed home, and killed beefssand sold it at a
high price. Mary Anne kept healthy and
was not disposed to pine or fade; and when
, the ceremony was performed which would
make them man and wife, Mary didn't Sit
down in her room while they were dressing
her in white and mixing orange blossoms
in her hair, etc. then go gently down stairs
with six bridesmaids at her heels, and
stand up with her own dear, and weep gent
ly while she was being married by the
magistrate, and then get lots. OF presents
and go to her new home. and live through
all the happy years with Felix, never know.
ing sorrow or trouble hereafter.
Why, Of course she didn't: for IL WASH
her style, you see. She rushed up stairs
and put on her pink.muslin and went to the
Tombs, and never wept particle, and re.
ceived no presen is, except 10 cents from
the old man to pay her car-fare, and she
walked and saved her money: and when al
the magistrate's, she just rose from the
bench, and told Felix that she didn't sec
the use in marrying and she didn't like
him anyhow; go she went home and Feliz
went with her, and told hei he wasn't sorry
as he did not want her, for he guessed she
was rough on clothing, anyhow.
And 30 they never got married, and the
whole thing turned out wrong, but could
. not help it, for I will not put on record
things that are not so.
= But it's fact that there was something
strange about Mary Ann, so we will have tc
let it slide as it is.
Leopold Won Ranke, who recently cele.
rated his eighty sixth birthday, is tn,
oldest doctor OF laws in Prussia, having