Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-01-19
PUNGHyF PARAGRAPHS.

"You're stuaiag me-" as the turksy
said to the cook.
The amateur cornet player ought to
receive blow for blow.
The wAtchm .ker can't afford to do q
cash business, bscause he makes his
profits on time.
Peaoook feathers are emblems of
vanity. They serve to point a moral
and a1orn a tail
II man really wants to know of how
little impOrtl1ce he is, let him go with
his wife to the dressmakers.
Corn is the worst used of all the cereals.
No matter how fruitful it is, it is only
grown to have its ears pulled.
A cynical old bachelor says tha.
"lovers are like armies; they get along
we'll enough till tae engagement be-
gins"
A book, missing twenty years, has
Just been returned to the Bost 1n public
library. Some people are such terribly
slow readers.
A little boy remarked: "I like
grandpa bsoauss he is such a gentle
manly man; he slwAys tells me to help
myself to sugar"
A Kentucky girl is charged With hav-
ing said: 'If cart wheel has nine fell
lows, it is pity that pretty girl like
myself can't have one"
II is a mean boy who, knowing that
his sisters young MN is still in the
Parlor, will slip doEnstairs near mid
night and gayly ring the breaktas. bell.
Ole Of the patAgraphers has discov-
cred that, as a three wheeled vehicle is
a tricycle., aud two-whsslei vehicle a
bicycle, a whs albIrrow mast be al icicla.
,IThis is Picture Of Freddy's Rabbits.
But it is the Picture OF a Fox. EThe
Fox is very Fat. Where are Frsiiy's
RIbbits ? Freiiys Rabbits are in the
Fox.
Two girls at Green Eich, Eazlaai,
climbed Ave fences, wrsnchei oHal lo,k.
and plunisrel house lately. II this
goes on, male burglars will have to
strike
A scientific man says great noises will
make milk sour. They will also make
the average citizen pretty sour, sespe-
cially if they come al lniyht when he
wants to sleep.
No better evidence OF human progress
can be found than in the fact that each
new number of a monthly magazine is
announced by its Publishers to be lin
fnitely superior to its predecessors.
Where is the island Of Java situ.
ated p sskeia school-teacher of a small.
rather forlorn looking boy. "I danao,
sir" "Don't you know where coffee
comes from ?" eyes, sir; we borrows
it rcaiy parched from the next-door
neighbor."
A clergyman in Scotland preashed a
feE days ago from the text eff We do
not repent, We shall likowise perish"
The wife of a farmer who was present
went home and told her husband that
the text was, "If You do not pay rent,
you shall leave the parish"
They know how to have fun in Ken.
tucky. At a recent fair grAb-bAy was
feature; it was twenty-five cents q
grab, aud the grabs we're numerous. but
nobody got anything, though every fell
low was satisfied Toe bag contained
a young alligatorl
1t has taken seven years TO edit tho
correspondence of Peter the Greas ths
first volume of which will shortly ap-
pear in 81. Petersburg. And vet we
don't believe it will have as large sal
in this country a. MAD Joe; or the
Good Little Boy who Mdrdered his
Kind Grandmother" which was written
in four hours aud hall.
"How MUCH A MAN ~ LiKa Az OH sHoEr
How much man i like old shoes;
For instance, bota a sole may Use;
B'th have been tanuoi both arc made tight
lIy cobbierA Doth Get len and right:
Both need mate to 10 crmple,o
And both arc ma ie 70 60 On fsct
Tney both neei healing, of are sold.
Aud both ia time turn sll to mold.
Wi.h shoes The last i ist with men
The frsi shail BE- The la.t aud when
Tho shoes wo'r out they're msniei new;
When men wear ont they're men dead. toa
Tney l'oth are tro upon aal bOsa
will tro 81 nn others, nothing 10th.
Doth have tieir ties snl bsth incline.
Ahon pal.sIc !, IN tha w,grid 30 shiaa.
An bota peg out--and woaid you choose
To be a man OF be hss shoesP
~ @ Dodge