Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1882-03-02

| A SECOND CLASS MAN
At Grand Island the other day pas
senger found three flies in his tea at the
eating house. He called the waiter TO
him and said "You are in error about
me. You evidently think Am travel.
ing In a special car and putting on a
great deal Of dog. I'm riding second
class without baggage, and am only
entitled to one fly. Give this cup TO
that big fat man at the corner table.
He is director of the road and is en-
titled to three flies in his tea and dead
cockroach between his pancakes. ]
cannot travel second class and usurp
the rights of first class passengers.
Please pass the chronological mustard
before you go and set the adamantine
prunes where can reach them. | may
want to throw one at the head waiter
occasionally to attract his attention."
WANTED TO SEE HIM.
A humorous boy at Fond du Lac,
who has future before him, took a dog
and saturated his tail with kerosene
and set it on fire. The foolish dog ran
under a barn, and the barn, dog, etc.
were destroyed The boy was provi.
dentially saved. The man who owned
the barn was seen with a raw hide in his
ulster, trying to induce the boy to 60 in
an alley with him to have some fun,
after the fire; but the boy said be didn't
caro- much for fun anyway, and 1t is be-
lieved the man was conversing with the
wrong boy. If kerosene had been dis.
covered twenty-five years ago, what
fun the boys would have had
| KNOCKING DOWN THE FARE.
| A horse car conductor was before the
court few days ago, charged with as
saulting h s wife. IL was shown in the
evidence that he had struck her with
his fists and knocked her down. He
acknowledged the assault, but pleaded
in extenuation that his calling led him
into habits Of punching the fair. The
judge said 1t was all right as long as he
confined was to punching the fair, but
ne would fine hun for knocking do ~n
the fair.
LONG TO WAIT.
"You have a pleasant home and bright
Preside, with happy children sitting
around it, haven't you 90 inquired a
| New YORK Judge.
dyes, ST." said the prisoner, who
thought he saw way out of the diff
Guilty,
"Wsll," resumed the judge, eff the
happy children sit around the cheerful
fre,ide until you return, they will stay
there just tory three days, as | shall
/ have to send You up for that time"
LITTLE TOO CIVIL.
, "What will you have, ma am ?" said
the pretty girl behind the counter of al
bakery at Wapakoneta, Ohio, to the
richly dressed woman who had alight-
cd from a carriage at the door. "In
have some satisfaction, if you please,
the caller replied and she got it'll
by scratching he girls face, knocking
her down, and kicking her. "Now per-
haps, you won't be quite so civil to my
husband when he comes tor bread" she !
aided.
HE WAS INDEBTED TO HER.
''Did you observe thai woman 2"
said gentleman to his companion, as
a sharp featured female swept haugh- /
tily by them. The friend nodded to in
dictate that he had OBJ 'erved her "Well,
I'm indebted to her for the chief happi-
ness o. my life" "Indeed, can i'm
agine the gratitude you must feel to-
ward her" "No, you can't; only her
present husband can do that. Ten
years ago ask her hand in marriage
and she refused me-"
CAUGHT IN THE ACT.
A young girl in New Orleans was re-
Gently fined five dollars for kissing a
man. What a fool he was to tell it ~
Boston Star. Perhaps his wife caught
him in the act and he was obliged to
raise row ABOUT it to appease her wrath.
We have heard Of such occurrences be-
fore Rochester Express. No doubt
you have. But you ought not to tell
OF it.