Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1882-06-14
Grief and Hunor.

There is a ludicrous side to grief, as well
as a pathetic one, and the disinterested
observer at funeral will often notice
absurdities and Incongrmues which are
ali the more glaring and ridiculous from
the trappings of woe by which they are
surrounded. We can imagine the q'iaint
expression of sorrowful Indignation on the
face of that little boy who, while weeping
kindly at his grandmother's funeral, dis
covered that a little schoolmate who wa
present was also crying earnestly. 'Look
here" he SAID, in an angry whisper TO the
visitor, "what are you crying for, she
(sob) wasn't your-r-r-r g-g grandmother p
II k-k-nJw it." answered the other,
s'but can't f-f-feel b-bad too?"
.sNo you can't, responded the mourn
er, in voice hat nearly disturbed the
sOlemnities.
''Th.th-this a-i-nt nm one of your
f-funeral !"
Upon one occasion when very dowery
pulpit orator was called upon to make the
final address al the burial services Of a
lady who was highly esteemed, he had
forgotten his notes, IN which he had pre-
pared a pertration somewhat after the
style of Edmund Burke when he was
describing Marie Antonette. Fixing his
eyes on the bereaved partner of the
deceased, who was buried in grief, the
funeral orator began:
"When she who now lies so peacefully
before us first struck her husband" here
he paused and frantically plunged his
hands into his coat tail pockets-''irst
struck her husband"
''It is false she never struck me-
shouted the angered husband.
But the orator paid no attention to him;
with glazed eyes and the perspiration roll
ing Gcwn his face he continued mechani-
cally.
''First struck her husband er- er then
as his memory reformed, he went on joy
fHlly: First struck her husbands young
and romantic fancy Id the early dawn OF
love and hope" ETC., etc, and the services
proceeded without further interruption.
For genuine wit as well as genuine good
feeling, the Irish surpass all other nations,
and their funerals are both fearful and
jolly, for it Is almost impossible for an
Irisnman to give an answer to solemn
question without his mother wit getting
the best of him and his manner is so
indescribably droll it Is impossible not to
laugh at him. A priest who was officiating
at funerel where ali present were stran-
gers to hun, leaned forward and asked OF
a man near him If the deceased was
brother. not knowing the sex hImsel'.
'No, your riverence,r answered Pat.
"a sister then," said the priest, and he
was about to resume the services, when
Pat leaned forward and whispered:
..Nayther, your riverence the corpse
was no relation to ME at all at all.
This was as particular as the sexton who
called out, '.The second cousins OF the
CORPSE will please come forward and take
their Places At another funeral the per-
son IN power announced that ''the lateral
branches of the corpse will now join the
procession"
A recent wiGower IN this city, noted for
his f1ne personnel and sauvity of manners
abroad, and the display of ''pure cussed-
ness'' and animosity at home, caused no
end of trouble at his wife's funeral by his
revelation of natural and acqnired obstrep-
erousness. The friends who had charge
of the services at the house had arranged
the handsome parlors 10 their minds,
when. happening to leave them alone a
few moments they returned to 1nd the
carpets covered with sheets, and were
informed by the disconsnlate husband
THAT he didn't propose to have mob of
people destroying his property" Having
dressed for the funeral with elaborate care,
he Informed his friends at the last moment
''that he wouldn't step ::out of his loom If
he didn't have BLACK bordered handKer
chief furnished. While the ceremony
was IN progress and the minister was
delivering fearful tribute to the virtues
of the young wife lying in her cottn, the
bereaved M IN stepped to q friend who was
leaning against the marble mantel, and
| whispered:
"Don't lean on so heavily, it will come
down if you do, and can't afford to have
it smashed"
AT the grave he gave himself up to a
paroxysm of grief that was known to be
for the benefit of the people present, and
after returning to his desolaIe home his
first act was TO throw the funeral flowers
out of the windows, declaring they ruined
the vases they were In and Uttered up the
rooms.
OF all things simulated grief is the
most absurd and tine easiest detected A
man who insists upon being buried IN the
same grave with his wife and requires two
men to support him, while third holds
his hat on his head, is sure to marry again
n
tional nature cannot exist alone.