New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-01

a schoolmlstress, while taking down
the names and ages Of her pupils and Of
their parents, at the beginning Of the
term, asked one little fellow, whats
your fathers nAmep'' 20. you needn't
take down his name; he's too old to go
to school to q wonlan!'' was the inno-
cent reply.
A young lady, being addressed by a
gentleman much older than herself, OBJ
served that the only objection she had
to union with him was the probability
of his dying before her and leaving her
to the sorrows of widowhOod. To which
he made the complimentary reply
BLESSED is the man who had virtuous
wife, for the number of his days shall be
doubled
This is good for q waif; Said q fond
mother at the table of q fashionable
Chicago hotel, the other day, ''Do you
know my little son, that the word menu
is French for bill of fare?" 20, yes,
mamma was the assuring reply, ''me-
MI it!' The mother tainted right there.
She was afraid the boy would grow up
to bea paragraph editor.
He was showing his friend, a western
merchant, around the city, and as he
pointed to the stock exchange he proud
" said: '.That is our Ras-el- Tin palace,
so to speak, Fifteen minutes later
they were in q busy, crowded fashion
able restaurant, and his friend remark
ed: ''This, l suppose, is your Ras-el-
Hash palace?''
A little girl was asked by her mother
on her return from church how she
liked the preacher. Didn't like him at
all, was the reply" ''Why?" asked her
mother. '''Cause he breaches till he
made me sleepy, and then hollered SO
loud that he wouldn't let me go to
sleep.''
In Deadwood church, the other day,
the large congregation were devoutly
kneeling in prayer, when an irreverent
joker quite audibly whispered, 'tHere
comes an Eastern detective In seven
teen seconds all of that congregation
except the chief elder had slid through
the windows.
II say, old fellow, where is your
sweetheart-the girl you're engaged to?
She is here toni ght, isn't she?'' ''She
is. Do you see that BLONDE in pink ov.
er there?' ''That magnificent creature
with the dark eyes?'' eyes. By jove,
''old boy MY girl is the one
alongside of her on the left.
An Indiana youth with the suggestive
name of Gosling saw girl at church,
courted her there for two hours, and a,
the end of the next hour was married tc
her. An Iowa editress says of the af.
fair: "A man who does all of his court.
ing in two hours and then marries, mis-.
es lots of fun. It's like stutfing himself
with peaches and cream in five minutes
and then having dyspepsia the rest Of
the year.
An exchange says that Prof. Schiff
the Florentine vivisector, has used up
more than $4,000 dogs in his expert.
ments. If Prof. Schitf will just bring
his tools and dissecting-room to Ameri.
ca he will receive 4 welcome warmer
and more cordial thousand fold than
has been extended to Oscar Wilson, OF
Tug Wilde, or Jumbo, or all three com
bined.
'What ails this heart, of mine?" is the
heading of a story that is going the
rounds of the papers. We suppose hi
saw his girl out riding with another fel
low. There is nothing that makes the
heart get up and pound the ribs anc
carom on the other vital parts and jump
up and down like churn-dasher, an(
then get tired and keep so still yor
think It has stopped beating forever. \!
to see your girl out riding with another
| fellOw-we are told.
The California small-boy is hare
one to fool. The other day in San Fran
cisco lank six-footer who was ''gotup'
after the style of Buffalo Bill, was pa
rading the streets when two street Ga
Minis exposed him in this manner. ..Bill
this ere bloke is fraud, he is; he aim
no scout or Injun fighter; he is one O
them fellows as sells patent soap t,
clean your clothes" ''H0w do yer know
that he's fraud?" asked the other
Zoos I seen him wiping his nose will
a handkerchief instead of with his fling
ers, as all real scouts does"
A few weeks ago gentleman entered
the office of a well-known INSURANCE
agent, and tossing :, paper on the count
or, said to the clerk: ''That's run out
and want to get it renewed tn
clerk unfolded the document, and the
broad grin unfol'led itself over hi
countenance, and he inquired: Gar
YOU sure that this has run out?'' 90
yes" said the gentleman; ''my wifi
told me it run out yesterday morning.
"Well. am sorry for You, but we ar
not taking that kind of risk now," re
sponded the clerk, as he handed bac
| IN him 1,;s m a,ri ro certificate