Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-08-27
NOW LAUGH.
Humorous Squibs for Sunday
Readers.
A Collection Of Grins, Smiles and Broad
Laughs Gathered from the COL
umns Of our Exchanges.
SA NOTIFIED FUN

Many people think Ananlas was an
amateur fisherman.
Hypocrisy is shaking hands with
your neighbour, and then, when his back
| is turned, kicking his dog in the ribs.
A clergyman says that the circus is
| the gateway to hades. Some one had
evidently been throwing sawdust III his
eyes.
The clergymen of Lampass supply
the prisoners in Jail with manuscript
SERMONS to read during their leisure
hours. The way of the transgressor Is
hard, very hard.
A man was arrested and fined for
kneeling and praying aloud in the
streets of Wichita, Kan, and The Times
declares that he could have stood up
| and sworn with inrrnnity.
A negro congregation of Austin, Tex,
thought their pastor had their color in
mind when he frequently spoke of "the
powers of darkness" and requested him
to stop such talk or resign.
When mali says he is a miserable
sinner, if you take him at his word and
tell him you agree with him, he Will
WELL it's, Oh the whole, better not to
do it till you get OIL the other side of the
fence.
Said a colored preacher recently:
"Ef de descendants ob de rooster what
crowed at Peter was ter make a noise
cherry time lei is told dar would he SIGH
noise i'll de world dat yer couldn't heah
the hens cackle."
"How far is it to Manayunk?" asked
a weary Irishman, who was going there
afoot. "Seven miles," was the reply.
"Whom do you wish to see there?'.
''Faith, it's meself I'd loik TO see there"
was the retort.
The popular way of handling an ear
of corn at table is to hold il as a flute
player holds his flute while playing,
having also an eye on another ear in
the plate. Those who have false teeth
shave the cob with knife.
a circus which visited Texas was
mobbed because ii insulted the inhabi-
tants with the insimuation that they
were Internal fools by putting on the
leopard's cage the sign: ."D0n't stick
your fingers through the bars"
"Yes Judge, said the prisoner, ~ adj
nit that the back Of my trousers were
tangled in the dogs teeth and that 1
dragged the animal away, but II you
call that stealing dog no man on earth
is safe from committing crime"
AS matter Of seasonable intelligence,
it is reported that New Workers are
making pepper out of old Shoes roasted
and ground fine. We had supposed
that our pepper was pure, but this puts
the fiery continent upon quite anoth-
er footing.
A dealer advertises in an anglers pa
per, "F'lies, reel, rods, tobacco, whisky,
and all other requirements for anglers"
If the fisherman has full supply OF
tobacco and whisky, he might dispense
with rods and reels. Fish have such
| queer tastes.
A Philadelphia boy was asked il he
| ever prayed in church, and answered,
| J'Oh, always say a prayer, like the
rest do, just before the sermon begins"
Indeed " responded the astonished
guerist. "What do you syy" "Now
| lay me down TO Sleep"
Plus IN. had some amusing exper.
fences. 1t is related that not "long be-
fore his death very stout lady went to
see him week after week. Being ut
times irritable from the state of his
nerves, he said on one occasion: "What,
madame, are you here again% Yes
she replied; faith brings me here, your
Holiness 'Ahp said the Pope. You
English know your Bibles well. 1 sup
pose you remember that 1t Is written
there that faith removes mountains"
Sunday-school class-Why did God
make you, Sammy"
eur to come to Sunday-school?'
"No; that's not quite it. Next"
EUR to be kind to yer parents
That's portion Of it; but there Is
still more.
81 known exclaimed little Johnny,
swapping his fingers to attract the at
| tention Of the teacher.
"Well, what is it. Johnnyw
! "Why, fur to 60 to the grocery