News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-04-27
WIT AND WISDOM.

HE Prodigal Son was vast dea
better man than people are willing tC
admit, for he could have satisfied hi
hunger at any time with roast pig anC
was too conscientious TO do it.
: A PHILADELPHIA woman having reac
that certain remedy was good for al
pains, tried cleaning the windows will
it. She knows now some panes on
which it is not worth cent.
STATISTICS disclose the fact that OF
every ten children born in Wales, less
than seven ever reach their twentieth
year. The others are worn out learning
to speak Welsh. Darlington Haa0keye.
THERE is an article going the rounds
headed, "Who Kissed Away That Tear p
Well, we suppose it is as well to own
up to it first as last. 1t is mighty
mean man that won't kiss away tear.
-PecEs Sun.
THE following is the history of
Massachusetts sorehead He held an
office for four years, another one for four
years and still another for eight years.
At last he had no Office, became sore
head and refused to vote.
"WHY do good little children go to
heaven when they def" asked the
teacher. Because" answered the
bright boy at the head of the class,
''because it's unsafe to trust children
in a place where there's fire."
GREAT trials, as dangerous illness or
sudden loss, and great movements, as
high enthusiasm and overmastering
love, break ife's crust into fragments
and lay open the hidden heart. Phil
lips Brooks.
A YOUNG lady was showing an elderly
woman a beautiful cluster diamond
ring, present, when the old lady
dropped her spectacles to the end of
her nose and exclaimed "Lor sakes,
I thought it was an old seed wart !"
AN Ohio man on his travels found O
shell on the Gettysburg battlefield.
He took it home and put it in the stove
to see if it was real. 1t was genuine
but the stove is the most glaring iinita-
ton you ever looked at.
LUMINOUS: First swell: "I never did
like MAY, not nearly so pretty as
Mary wonder they don't change the
name of the month to MARY" Second
swell: ''Clevaw ldeaw, by Jove make
oysters good to June, you knowp
A FATHERS love for his little family
his darling wife and sweet, sweet pratt
tlers-is too touching ever to be men
toned outside the sacred precincts of
home; but he won't give up his whisky
and tobacco for them. m.-LeuisviUe ColIr-
ie1' Journal.
WATKINS GLEN has been sold. We
don't know how much Watkins got for
it, but it isn't much of a farm. We vis-
tied it once, and for the life of us we
couldn't see where q mau could raise
enough corn on it to winter cow
HaaOkeye.
A LONDON repairer of watches loaned
a gentleman watch until his own could
be mended. The spring of the loaned
watch broke. Commissioner Kerr, of
the City of London Court, decided that
the wearer was not responsible. Said
he, "I don't care about trade customs;
] am here to administer the law"
Mrs. CoDDIE went down to the kitchen
to see if everything was going on right.
"Where is Bridget ?" she asked of
Annie, the upstairs girl. "Gone out,
num-" "WelI, declare; the fire IS
out, tool" exclaimed Mrs. Coddie. "Yes,
num-" said Annie sit went ont few
minutes after Bridget did. ."-PhiladeI-
l1hid Item.
THE New York Ledger says: "We
feel grateful to the ladies for the pains
they have taken lately to array them
selves in the fresh and beautiful gar
ments of spring" It is safe to wager
that the author of the foregoing para
graph has not been compelled to pay
for any of the "fresh and beautiful gar
ments" aforesaid. All his daughters
are boys.-NorristoaO Herald.
A HARTFORD man went to lawyer
for advice. After receiving the retaining
fee the lawyer said: estate your
CASE" "Well, SIR" replied the client,
"a man told me to go to Hades, and I
want your advice" The attorney took
down volume of the Connecticut stat
utes, and after turning over few
leaves, answered: "Don't you do it.
The law doesn't compel you"
S. M. s., FAYETTEVILLE, Texas: "Can
you give me the name of any one, living
in or near Austin, who makes specially
of raising chickens ?" No, we can't
mention any one that might be said to
make a specially of raising chickens.
Most of them raise whatever kind OF
poultry they find. They will take a
goose as fast as a spring rooster. The
only one in that line that has done any
business with us raised turkey, and
two pairs of drawers and an undershirt
on our premises one night last week.
He could hardly be said to make
speciality of chickens. -Ieras Siftin9s.
HERE is riddle of Sir Isaac New
toms that "pure intelligence" who
caused q revolution in astronomical
studies. 1t was sent by Sir Horace
Walpole to lady, who guessed it,
though Walpole could not:
Four people sat down at table to play,
They played all that night and some part of
next day;
This one thing observed, that when all were
seated,
Nobody played with them and nobody bettedi
Yet when they got up, each was winner
guinea.
Who answers this riddle I'm sure is no ninny.
The answer to this posing question is
Musicians.
A SIMILAR CASE.
Jack, hear you've gone and done it.
Yes, know most fellows will;
Went and tried it once myself, sir,
Though you see I'm single still.
And you met er--did you tell me
Down at Newport last July?