Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-01-12

brute, hurriedly raised my foot and
planted it square in the egg basket,
tangled the other in the handle, and
measured five feet and ten inches on
the kitchen floor, to the horror of the
wretched cat, that fled splitting and
swelling, to the garnet, satisfied, no
doubt, with what she had done.
| kicked the basket from my feet,
and should not be willing to swear that
[ did not use my feet more than was
necessary for that purpose.
Good and bad eggs we're unmistak-
ably mixed now, and threw the shiny
mass out Of doors, with q decided an
tipathy to eggs for breakfast.
The next day some evil genius must
have whispered me to cook some
beans. They will be so convenient [
thought. This cooking every meal is
a bore.
After a long search [ found the sack
that contained them, and turning out
two quarts, perhaps, washed and
drained them, and then selecting a
nice piece of salt pork, placed it over
them in the pan, and put them in the
oven to bake. But, have since
learned, dry beans and salt pork have
30 affinity, and the more I cooked
them the harder they became, if such
a thing were possible. The pork sput-
tered and snapped, but the beans re-
manned small and shiny as at first.
Two, three hours were given them, and
then took them from the oven to
make a diagnosis of the case.
But one thickness of cloth Is not
enough between the hand and smok-
ing hot metal; at least such is my
/ judgment; and coming to that cOnclu-
sion before I reached the table, let go,
and they came rafting to the floor like
| hailstOnes, giving map Of Greece
! (grease) not down in any geography,
ancient or modern. Blowing my blis-
tered fingers at intervals, [ shoYeled the
! bewitched things into the back yard,
feryently hoping they would not take
root and produce a second crop, obsti-
nate as themselves.
But [ must have something besides
meat and potatoes the bread was all
consumed, and I was becoming des-
perate. Some corn-bread yes, l could
recall the recipe ! [ found the meal,
turned on the scalding water, added
the other ingredients, and soon had a
brown loaf, tempting TO the eye, at
least. Butt soon found that the beauty
was its principal charm. IF it did not
turn to ashes on the lips" it did some
thing much cOarser and there was an
UncOoked taste about it decidedly I'M
| pleasant. The few mouthfuls | man
aged to swallow scratched my throat SO
numerically that was fearful of some
mortal disease having its seat in that
part but careful examination re-
lieved my fears. And [ may as we'll
state here that my unfortunate cake
was made of some coarse, unsifted
meal my careful mother had reserved
for the chickens.
did not like corn bread, that was
certain but could try some biscuit
Accordingly substituting flour for meal,
added the rest, hot water and all.
But, shade of Tantalus it was neither
butter nor dough, and adhered to
everything it touched. [ broke the
mixing spoon in trying to stir it, plas-
tered my hands in the endeavor to re-
move the broken spoon-and dropped
/
Just then, the door bell rang, and for
getting all but my profession, brushed
the hair off my forehead with my
sticky fingers, and answered the call, tC
the no small surprise of the pumpkin
who was sent for me, and who reported
that Dr. Cooper gin bread pills, cause
he had seen him maxim 'em.
The summons was urgent, and
catching my hat and gloves, [ was soon
with my patient, who was not to sick
to wonder, as his attendants did, if
was trying to take a cast of myself
clothes and all, in plaster?
Released at last, [ returned, deter
mined to finish those biscuits. The
mass worked little better, now it was
cool, but still would take no form re-
sembling biscuit, dabble in it as !
would
Completely disguised with the glutin-
Gus pile, that chung viciously to every
thing it came in contact with, and
crawled to each side of the board, as
if anxious to get away from itself,
stood, and eyed it savagely, and Won
dered what should do next?
II will tumble it into the pan," said
to myself, "and perhaps it will be
bread! ike new bread"
But this was feat easier contem-
plated than accomplished. The board
was covered with the abominable stuff
and every particle stuck like melted
wax; but, by dint of poking, pushing
and dragging, the greater part was
finally transferred to the pan; and
then, with thoughts of warmer place,
| sent 1t into the oven, and turned to
clearing up the debris.
With q cloth and some water COM
menced with the board, or rather with
the plaster that covered it; but the wa
ter soon looked like milk, and the
cloth refused to remain in my fingers,
so encased was it with slime.
Another ring! Confusion! Must
every body get sick on this unlucky
day, of all others?
[ wiped my hands as we'll SIS I could,
although shreds of that detestable
dough chung to them, and ent to the
door.
No call from patients this time, but
| from Mrs. Dossel and her beautiful
daughter, who resided in an adjoining
county, and having occasion to pass
through our village by stage, had called
to see my mother and sisters, with
whom they were intimately acquaint-
ed.
I could not shut the door in their
faces, and invited them to the parlor,
and then stood, staring heIplessly at
them, and wondering why they did not
do something? The younger one look
ed at me, as if she half suspected I was
| an esnsned lI1natic and as danrern11s