The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-08-25
WIT AND IIUMOR.

The Mississippi negro will sell his
shirt for II first watermelon.
An Idaho man followed a bear into o
cave and forgot to come out.
This is big country, but the trouble
with the house-hy is that he doesn't
take to the back counties.
The Hungarian vineyards have been
badly nippcd, and American tourists
will do we'll to take jug of cider along.
A party who had just paid big
doctors bill says he would like to see
high heals go ont of fashion.
A 'bitter'' disappointment: Every
sorry, sir" said tho bartender, "but
we're out of tansy."
1t takes 81 200, 900 barrels of kerosene
to light the world with. The other
barrel is to hurry up tho fire with.
A Philadelphia advised his son to
aim high in life, and the lad went out
and shot y COW. Beef was about tho
highest thing he could find to aim ut.
"San Francisco is clamoring for brass
bands in churches" Extreme measures
must be taken to keep San Francisco
people awake, evidently.
"Why do good children 90 to heaven
when they die?" asked the teacher.
because it's unsafe To trust children in
Il place where there's q fire."
A Detroit boy conquered tho measles
in twenty hours, and the mumps only
brought him oil the fence for half a
day.
Old Simon Cameron says he was born
when the art of printing was in its in
fancy; as that art is about 400 years
old, it would be interesting to know the
extent of his antiquity.
The elevation of MIR. Bass, the Eng
lish brewer. to a baronetcy. recalls
Theodore Hoods witticism--that people
may brew and be somebody, but il
they baked it was all up with them.
The author of the song, '.See That
My Grave Is Kept Green" is in Jail
in indianapolis. He is noy engaged
on a companion piece, en'.tlcd: ''Seo
That My Cell Is Kept Wnitewashed."
AT what are were You married?"
asked she inquisitively. But the other
woman was equal TO the emergency,
and quietly responded, "At the parson-
age"
Eyes, I've got horrid cold" said
Mrs. JcnkinsOn. "rve dosed and dosed,
and believe I've taken no less than
thirty-nine articles, and / begin to feel
like an Episcopalian."
A little boy, whose parents are always
moving from ono house to another, was
asked by the Sunday school teacher.
"Why did the lsraelites move out of
Egypt" because they couldn't pay
their rent" was the reply.
In spite of the growing demand for
them by the plumbers and negro min
strels, tho price of diamonds is not likely
to advance greatly, for there were 1922
500, 900 worth of them found at Cape
Colony last year.
1t is believed that if Alexander Selkirk
could have spent one hour in a railway
waiting-room he would have gone back
to his desert island by the first train, to
find it by contrast u place of excitement
and wilderness of delight.
Two newsboys in Canada. conversing
on the difference between English and
American time sail: IF you had q
brother in England and he died at IL
you would get the news in Montreal four
hours before he died"
Bronson Alcott. So years of age, has
just published book of poems. all Of
which were written within the last six
months. Eighty-three, We should say
to our young friends, is the proper age
to begin writing poetry.
She-'Why is it that when we were
lovers you always got mo box at the
theater and covered the front with
boquets, but now you buy seats in the
dress circle?" He-"At that time your
father paid for your bonnets."
II have been grossly insulted." ex-
claimed Brown. "That scoundrel Smith
called me liarr' .'How unfortunately
remarked Fogg. "You couldn't deny
the accusation without endorsingi it, could
youT'
1t was lately discovered that an old
tramp in Humboldt county. California,
carried in the lining OF his vest certifi.
Gates OF bank deposits amounting TO
| nearly $8,QQQ,