The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1882-08-10
NATURAL HISTORY,
Calculated to Stand in Any CII-
mate.
Professor, what is a DodOP"

Professor, what is DOdO?"
There are several species of the DOdO,
my son, and there used to be several
more before the fOOl-killer cut the coun-
try up into regular districts"
PLEASE describe some of them to me-"
With pleasure. You have probably
attended a Sunday school picnic given
on the banks Of lake or river? Six
fat women, two girls who wore eye
glasses, and very good boy who lisps,
make up party to take a ride on the
water. As they are ready TO shove of
the Dodo appears and keeps them COM
pany."
What is he like, and what does he
do?"
"He is generally a soft-headed young
man under twenty-thTee years of age,
and he stands up and rocks the boat to
hear the fat woman scream, and induce
the girls to call him GwOrge."
'DOes the boat upset?"
SIT does"
"And everybody drOwned?"
Everybody except the DOdO. He al
ways reaches the shore in safety, and
he is always so sorry that it happened.
He is sometimes so affected that it takes
away his appetite for lunch"
rs anything done with him?"
'They sometimes rub his head with a
turn him out to grass, but no one ever
thinks of doing him HARM"
"And the next species?"
"The next species is youth from six
teen to twenty. He labOrs under what
the ancients termed the swell-head. He
gets out the family shot. gun or revolver
to show off. He points it at some boy
or girl to see 'em shiyer, and after he
has testified before the Coroner that he
didn't know it was loaded, the affair is
looked upon as ended"
rs this species on the increaSeP'
"Well, no. TIE friends of the victims
have got to making such a fuss over
these trifles, that the didn't-know-it-
was-lOaded DOdo isn't quite holding his
own"
"What is the third species?"
"The third species belongs to the fe-
male sex. Of course there are two sexes
of DOdO. She buys arsenic to kill rats,
or corrosive sublimate to kill bed-bugs,
or Paris-green to give cOckrOaches a
hint to skip, and leaves the package on
the pantry shelf alongside of her baking
powder. She may keep 'em separate for
two or three days, but it isn't over a
week before the family begins to lose
their appetite and hire cheap boy to go
for doctor and stomach pump"
"And is she sorry?"
go, yes She didn't mean to, you know;
| never thought of killing the family; al
ways lived happy with her husband; had
entirely forgotten that he had any life
insurance; was in a hurry, and didn't
| stop to look"
"And is there yet another species of
| DOdo?"
Several others, but we haven't time
| to take them up in detail and give full
particulars in each case. The man who
thinks the best horse wins is DOdO.
| The woman who gets into society on the
| strength of her false hair, small waist,
painted eyebrows, chalked cheeks and
cramped feet, is a DOdO The man who
thinks he can take comfort on a steam
boat eXcuTsiOn-the woman who weeps
over the heathen-the girl who writes
poetry on sunsets-the young man look
ing for necktie to become him-the old
man who marries a young wife-why,
it would take me an hour to mention
them all. Put away your books in a
careful manner. and we will walk out
and see some live specimens of the DOdO-
| know of one who has engaged to de-
liver Fourth of July OTatiOn, and per
haps we may get shot at him.