Connecticut western news., 1882-03-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

fully described as criminally poor.
 IT IS possible for man to be so very shrewd that in the long run he cheats himself.
 THE turnpike road to peoples hearts find Lies through their mouths, or mistake man.
 kind.
 SHAKEspEAREAN address to bad egg: "Hens, horrible shadow, unreal mock cry, hens"
 PUT drop of honey on your tongue before you speak and see how easy 1t IS to make friends.
 THE statement may seem paradoxical, but there are persons who can't sing, and yet they do. --..
 DOMESTIC economy is buying twelve shilling shoes for your wife and twenty cent cigars for yourself.
 PAR1oR matches are like fashionable engagements. There is too much fuss and noise about them for the money.
 IT IS said "Fortune knocks once at every mans door," In most cases 1t must have knocked when the man was out.
 IT IS better to be poor and virtuous than rich and dishonest, and yet in popular vote we know which side would | win.
 IF YOU have small salary and princely desires, remember the old saw, taking out often and never putting in soon comes to the bottom" .. ..s
 "Is YOUR house warm onea" asked
 man in search of tenement. "t
 ought to be; the painter gave 1t two
 coats recently" was the reply.
 THE chief trouble with the age in
 which we live is that it believes too
 much in varnish and veneer and too
 little in solid wood.
 IF YOU can only persuade yourself to
 say, "Mrs. Eve, I never did like ap-
 ples," you will live good life and
 have largely attended funeral.
 "You will go down in history" said
 the impatient Spifkins, Gas the slowest
 of all mortals." Said Mrs. Spiffkins. gently, II thought history was in the
 past" THR real fundamental difference be- tween the rich and poor man is that the rich man can eat all day if he wants to while the poor man is restricted to three times day.
 To EVERY esthetic young man ' I'd give an emetic; young man powerful emetic To each unathletic, Real jack-ws-thetic young man. , "WHAT is meant by the pomps and yanities of this world? ?" asked the Sun-
 day school teacher. "Them flowers on ? your hat, num-" replied the quick witted scholar.
 SCANDAL, when it has truth in 1t, Is
 like grease spot on new clotb, but
 when there is no truth in it is is like 8 splash of mud, which will come off
 easily when dry.
 You make great mistake in thinking
 that the world will break all in pieces
 when you leave it. It is barely possi-
 ble, on the other hand, that you are , consistently standing in the way of Q
 better man.
 i A CORRESPONDENT desires to know If . "fishballs are considered wholesome n food" Certainly, but partridges are a equally as good. We know families Q who never ate fishballs that are in n splendid health. ,f "I DON'T mind the pi-anner much,' # said fond but perplexed mother re- e cently, "but when Marier gets to sally v in around in front of the lookin' glass q and disputin' in French with her own o shadder, 1t makes me right nervous" }. AN affecticnate mother, noticing her d little daughter wipe her mouth with her B. dress sleeve, asked what her handker- al chief was for, and received for an an- g. swer, "It's to shake at the ladies in the ,e street. That's what papa does with to his."
 ot "I WONDER" said @ young hopeful of y- seven, who had been to grand wed- sh ding in @ stylish church-"I wonder of why the organ played Lo-he-grins ? or "How very stupid, Freddie r was the 'h prompt reply of his young sister. "It st wasn't Lo-he-grins; it was Lo. he's lg green" i. n "DoN'r you think white gloves make .y5 ones hands look awfully bigP" asked ~ Angelina, holding out her gloved hands. - els it the gloves that makes them look ,d ~, so large ?" asked Mary, quite carelessly, " When Angelina got alone that evening ~, she oonfdentially remarked to herself ~ that somebody or other was great Y hateful thing. Irdnscript. L "I TELL you," said the canvasser, ~ "you have no idea of tine hard worh :s there is in this business. It is either ~ ~ talking or walking from morning till .nt night" "Beg pardon, replied the vic
 tim; "I have pretty distinct idea o .r y, the talking part of your programme . 70 Now please favor me with an exhibition ,S I of the walking part" The canvassei | exhibited.
 ot CT COULDN'T come home earlier, be darling," exclaimed Harry, in an un' oe steady voice "been taking stock, you er know" She looked at him sadly, and ov replied, Harry, you may have beer ~ 1o, taking stock, but take none in youl ut story" Then she turned away to weer Q, and to murmur that she wouldn't stand ,;r it any longer, but would pack up and gc
 back to her mother the very next day of Boston Transcrifot he THE Woman's Journal says: "A l fnppv o{orv ;o told of Ralva r ock wood