Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-04-29
HOW A PROSPECT STREET LADY
GOT INTO A FUNNY sCRAPE.
From the Cleveland Lender !


came in from Buffalo, when surpris
'y with:
I'd Why. Biggs! How are You. O
as fellow ?'
w "WelI. if it amt Jack Dunca
= Glad to see you. Come right alo,
l. home with me.''
mo, Blggs; Pm too dirty, BE,
:c showed in on the road helped shov
J. snow, slept III bar-room; havei
had chahge OF shirts for week
"Never mind appearances, nobot
Il at the house. My wife took the 8
/. M, for all all night with her sister
!. gainesville. I'll furnish a shirt. ar
I've got a fine bathroom in the hous
> Come, now you haven't honored n
since l married"
d "Well, since tho wife is away L
surrender. Well have q regular roo
!, ter night of it,"
u Jack Duncan is a bachelor. with
holy horror of women. Femiui,
presence paralyzes and stul'ifies hin
Heres the linen," showing hi,
INTO the bathroom few minute
later. "There's the bath all read,
NOW shape up while [ 70 down I
: Joe Richards and order up one r
l our old college lauches. Nobody i
,ne mouse; SO just splash around q
. pleasure"
biggs departed, leaving the doc
q aJar. Jack did not notice it in hi
= eagerness for immersion.
He had just tumbled out and re
snmed his pantaloons when he hear,
. footsteps approaching the doc,
Thinking it was Biggs returning h
seized the freshly laundried shirt
opening at the back, and iammed hi
head into il. 1t came down over hi
face completely blindfolding him. an,
he starch bafiied his efforts to tunne
through.
Just as he commenced straddlin.
around with suspenders dangling, hi
heard rustle that CONCEALED his blood
Ihe door squeaked aud CHEEKY volc,
said:
1 s.Now I've got you, Mr.. Biggs. Th,
train left me. so made call or two
and came back. heard you playing
sea lion in the bathroom as entered
the house; got the buggy whip and
slipped up TO pay you back for ever
lastingly teasing me. Now, I'm ring
master, dear hubby. Move lively =
And she popped her whip in q bust.
ness way that suspended the bache.
lors animation. The shirt hid bis
face, and, taking his silen. for a
spousal submission to the joke, she
began
"Gentlemen and Ladies Mademois-
ellie Biggs, queen of the sawdust
arena, will now introduce her hand.
some and perfectly trained trick mule,
Hubby Darling. He will walk the
arena on his hind feet with his head
aud forepaws shrouded in linen
canohy. Come now, Hubby! Hoop
la hoop la!'
She chirped, fetching him a wipe
with the whip that made his bare
feet spank the floor like clog dancer.
"Limberup. Hubby Lively, now
Up, up, UP" and she undersigned the
last up" with briar cut, making
Hubby Darling skip 80 impuIsively
that darling's dangling suspenders
swlshed about like donkey's tail.
aud his handa dove instinctively to
the preservation of his unstayed pam
falcons.
Il blindfelded Hubby Darling to
prevent him climbing the center-pole.
He's the trickiest donkey that cavorts
the magic circle. The peerless prance
OF the canvas pavilion. Hoop, la !!
Clip she takes him.) What beautiful
actionl Yet. low-countrymen, l
never curry him down with ANYTHING
but this silk-blossomed suupper.
Hoop, lal (Pop-kerslash.)
~ cover his ears that he NAV not
olend the most fastidious; they re-
semble cross between mail bag and
the human appendage. Hoop la
Zip. zip Let the Golden Cornet
Band dish up Fishers Hornpipe red.
hot and highly favored, and Hubby
Darling shall -"
"R-b-beg your p-pardon, m-mad-
am, sputtered the victim, IA his
head and voice shot out of The shirt
She started, stopped
Spell-bOund, amazed:
The whip she dropped,
And then she raised
A Cherokee Shrek
Anu down she Topped.
But the terrified sufferer caught her
calamity i'll his arms, just as BigYs
rushed i'll with
"Jack, are you drowning? Great
heavens my wife!'
Lake her, ,Biggs. Pm tuckereu out
AWE ward predicanemt-"
explain yourself instantly. siri
You half dressed, my wife in vonr
arms !" and he bristled all over. ike
a barbed wire fence.
"Hold Oh, Biggs; I've got abont oil
| can stand. Let me get INV clothes
on and I'll 90 where men are M,
'hartyfs: Your wife thought was-o
Hubby, darling-oh. that blind
lo'"! humured the queen of the |
arena, half consciously.
"liere that, sir! What,s tIie .bo,.
2" ' '''"'
81 got stuck in that confounded
'hirt. Your wife took me for -"
"ihe Peerless Prancer of the Arena.
hooP la j. saspsd the queen, rousing
"Merciful heavensl Hear that raw.
hg! 1ou've dethroned my wife's
'easoh. On, base migrate Don,
cave ms house at the peril of your
lfe. lou shall -"
dance the sawdust on his hind
eet. muttered :he queen couvul-
lively.
My poor wife I! will avenge your
groaned Biggs, chaliuy her
limbs "gnnizingly.
MY head was fast in the SHIRT, She
onlun't see my face and th0uuhi n
vas yotl,' shriekcd the tortureJ
oarsely
Very likely Be a man, sir. Don,,
hrlnk from the punishment of your .
rrachery - ""'
"Where am l? 1t is a dream ?n
used The queen, opening her optics !
lid glaring wildly.
W hat has that villain done ?'' de-
landed Bi.gs fiercely.
She litcln Il on at once. q
ON, mercy 1t is no dream. IL.
vi nothing. Take mo to NV room
H. husband. how could you be so
Don't go, Jack maybe I've made
Zebra OF myself stay now iii tho
y rises; - and be bore his wi,t.I
life away. :,
An hour later they sat around n =,
arvelous supper. Bty.s made a ssc- :,
nj trip TO order. Tney held ,he;r
DIES and skrieked and repeatrd tho ~
',n,S ot the episode, again and h
Jack is christcned chubby Darl- =
g. lie signs for more MARRIAGE u
Iicity. "
when ggs wants to s1,enc. his l.
ne ~ he snaps his fingers and pipes-E
Hoop, la - ,e
WO THINGS REPUBLICANS sHOu1,D {; {;
DESIRE. b.
lFrom the New York Sun n