The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-12-07
HUMOROUS.
A srrMr-srEEcm: "uimm


A sTuMr-srEEcm: "aimmc Tho but,
OF yer cigar, MYSTERY"
A nrffALo IL not bird, but we have
often heard Of u buffalo bill.
TnE man who scissors of coupons Ii
the genuine revenue cutter.
WHEN the average mnn laughs he
gets fnt. When tho printer gets fat h,
laughs.
Il DON'T believe in a good. naturc,l
husband" snid Mrs. Jccns. 1T makes
him bring home too many friends for
dinner, ind II there's anything hate,
it's that"
TnE moralist says: Every man Is
occasionally whit he ought to be per.
rctnallv.' Then. again, some men IRE
pcrpctnally whit they ought to be only
occasionally,
A cnrsrr old fellow once asked
what il the reason that grillns. lra.
CONS. and devils AFRO ladies' favorite sub.
jects for embroidery designsg' "Ah,
because they are continually thinking
Of their husbands" was the lady's quick
rctort.
a VERY old lady on her lcath.lc,l, in
pcnitential mood. said: Il have been a
great sinner more than eighty years,
and didn't know it," An old colore,l
woman. who Ind lived with her a long
time. exclaimed, Law | knowcd II MI
tho time
Look ut you" sllricked Mrs. Econi
rs the nurse lot the baby fall over the
second floor baluster. "rwo inches
nearer the wall and that child would
have smashed $40 statuettc aud the
hall lamp" And then they picked up
tho baby.
TnE deacon's son was telling the
minister about the bees stinging his pa,
and the minister inquired: "Stnng
your pa, did they? Well. what did
your pa savg" "Stcp this way mo.
ment." said the boy, I'D rather whisper
il to YOU"
A yorSa gildcd Cor, as they say now,
nickel.rlatctD youth Of New York,
ordered pair If pantaloons of his
tailor, and returned them rs too tight.
"iou told mo 10 make them skin-tiyht." "
said the man. YES" said the youth,
"hnt ! can sit down in my skin. and
can't in these
pRoFEssoR-"Now, Mr.. Snodkins,
you may critieisc the theme ] have just
read" Snodkins-"Id rather write !
criticism. sir. | cant talk SO we'll as
can WRITE" Professor twho has wadesl
through Snolkins' last theme with
great diilicultyl-"'rhen. sir. I'm sorry
for you."--Hdrrord Lompoon.
"WnAr a man your father is" OK.
claimed Mrs, Hopcsrun. looking up
from the letter she held in her hand,
lie says he has bought French clock,
and will bring it home with him. What
will il le good for except as am orna-
mcnt. None Of us can tell the time by
il. unless yon can, Edith. loa know
something about French, don't YOUR
Boston Transcript
Yrs. sir" he said. "thats an awful
knowing bulldog o mine. He was jam
full o fleas, aud he got sick o wrench.
ing his spine and the cords Of his neck
reaching round IL gnaw en-. and he-
sides. he was rather tired O the taste al
himself. What did he dog Went out.
sir, and got into y fight with another
dog. and let that dog do the gnawing
for him. Mighty intelligent dog. sir. :
"lEs.s he said. lone Of the very incest,
best girls in the world is in love With
me. and folks know il, and il Just lreaks
my heart. Why should ity Why, don't
you know that nice fellows always yet
some cheap creature for a wife. and the
nice girls always marry worthless fcl.
lows. Folks know she il a thoroughly
good girl and they'll set me down As 4
regular tough, Ny character is ruined.
Boston Post.
A nsaaAR asks aims Of stingy mil.
liunaire, who passes him by in unno-
ticing silence What" SAYS one If the
millionairc's friends, didn't yon give
him ans,hingg" well. yon seq *,
plains the millionaire, III seems like in.
sal,ine mans manhood To offer him a
single copper" "'rhen make il two,
WHY don't xons" "rwos Why didn't
Won say thsec while You were about il ?
Paris Figaro.
| INVISIBLE lemon: A man rcccatsl
fell down On Warren street. He MAS 4
large Individual. and took mp lots ri the
sidewalk, and a hvstan,ler thought i, the
proper time to hc funny, How did You
come to falls" he inquired, "On \ hi,
| Of lemoa--" YES. SIR on hit ii
| lemon" replied the corpalent one. "Ru,
] see no lemon" replied tho funny man
well, who said Won eealdg" savagels
roared the corpulcnt individual. as he
| cot up and busted himself of with his
handkerchief, Can any ono SEQ the
lemon in half dozen cocktails, sayg"-
| Puck.