The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1882-09-25
Wit and w isdom.

Wit and Wisdom.
Mrs. Howe.says, women do not fall in love
any more All, well. When the time comes
that men and women do not fall in love, you
may just nickle plate this poor old world and
| sell it for moon. There will be nobody on it
when that time comes. Women don't fall in
love any more? OF course not; they can't per-
form impossbilities, and they cannot fall in
| love any more than they do, unless the years
are made longer-Burlington Hawkeye.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate
| Makes cooling drink. Into tumbler of ice
water put teaspoonful of Acid Phosphate;
add sugar to the TASTE
Arab Bey had a lot of sympathy in this
country until ne got licked. Everybody now
says that he was a cantankerods rebel who
ought to have been dubbed on the start.-De-
troit Free Press.
"Why suffer longer?' These are the words
spoken but day or two since, by one who for
years had passed sleepless nights, and who
CHANGED to meet friend similarly afflicted
"Hops and Malt Bitters has completely restor-
ed me-"
Lightning struck Nevada man the other
day while he was swearing. 1t would, howev-
er, take mighty smart stroke of lightning to
hit Nevada man when he is not swearing
Philadelphia News
Rowell, Hazael, O'Leary, Hart and other
pedestrians all use German Corn Remover.
25c. All druggists
Volatile Friend-"Hullol What's the mat
ter, old man? Toothache? Tut-t-t-ti Have
it outi If it were mine, I'd have" Sufferer
-"If it was yoursl Yes, SO would II" exit,
groaning. )-London Punch.
The best cure for diseases of the nerves.
brain and muscles, is Browns Iron Bitters.
Justice don't always miscarry. We know
of young man who has averaged pun
minute, during his waking hours, this summer.
He's in Jail noW.-Boston Post.
From China to Peru and back again thou
sand times in a night, will the mind of the ner-
vous sufferer travel while blessed sleep forsakes
his eyes. He can enjoy sweet rest by the use
of DR.. Benson's Celery and Chamomile Pills.
Sold by all druggists n
| A Michigan paper says: "Bears are going to
| be thicker than grasshoppers in the woods Of
| Michigan this winter" Dare say. Grasshop-
pers don't absolutely infest the Michigan
woods during winter time.-Boston Post.
The perfection of absorptive remedies is the
Hop Plaster; it relieves pain, strengthens the
muscles and purifies the blood. They all say SO.
"How is your son, who went to New Mexico,
coming on?" asked Gilhooly of Colonel Yer
ger, whose son left Austin a year or two ago
for that Territory. Every well indeed,' was
the reply. 81 suppose he has helped hang
many desperado?" "On the contrary, he is
the only man in New Mexico who never has
anything to do with hanging criminals" "How
is that?" well, you see, he is sheriff"
Texas Siftings.
A reliable means of graduating local disease
of the skin, viz: Glenns Sulphur Soap.
Hills Hair and Whisksr Dye, so cents.
Is there any fy-trap that you can confidently
ecommend?-Edith. The best fy-trap we
know of is an uncovered cream jug.-Philadel-
phia News
The tenacity with which people abide by
their early faith in Ayers Sarsaparila can only
be explained by the fact that it is the best
blood medicine ever used, and it is not APP
preached in excellence by any new candidate
| for public favor.
Tom Thumb is said to own yacht. We sup
pose she is sailed by the Thumbs crew.-Bos-
| ton Commercial Bulletin.
Valuable Offer.
Send three cent stamp to WHEAT BITTERs
| Co., 10 Park Place, New York City, for New
Drama with eight illustrations and set of fancy
cards. five elegant designs. Mention this paper.
Write name and address plainly
A Southern duel was lately interrupted by
| rain after only nineteen rounds had been ex-
changed.-Chicago Cheek.