The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-29
HUMOR.

40 ooN NAOhA SA ~ CANSAs
a YOUNG man in this city who prac-
ticed il the gymnasium one afternoon
only was enabled to jump his board bill
the very next day.
TRAVELLING on a Mississippi steam
boat is apt to make even the humbesS
vain. When the boiler exp!odes all the
passengers are uplited
@CoME in and join me" said Col
Yerger to Hostetter McGinnis, a they
happened to meet. Can think Of it,
Colonel "Why not?" well, I've
already had as much as is 600 for me,
and be ide I swore off last week. =
Tecas SJtings.
AN Austin boy who is very selfish,
and wants everything he sees, no matter
whether he has any use for 1t or not,
was seen with an umbrella hoisted. "ln
the name of common sense, by what
have you got that umbrella spread Tor
when there is neither rain nor sum
shine" This is the only time | can
get to use it. When it rains or shines
the old man is so mem he uses 1t Inn
self" -Te.rdS SGtings.
SHE said she wanted a ticket to Wyan-
dotte and return, and the pale gentle
menlv agent with the dark mustache
asked as be took up the pasteboards,
"Single?" at sin't any Of your bust
ness as I know" she responded tartly.
FL fright have been married dozen
times if I'd felt like prOvidin' for
some poor shiftiess wreck of mani!
He doesn't ask ladies il they want
single" tickets any more, hes afraid to-
Detroit Post.
4 FASHION item says that "Turkey red
sunShades are fast go ng out of style,
because shop iris have taken them up"
This i bad. Some oleoma0garine
fashionables may soon discover tn t
shop girls wear frocks and shoes and
stockings, and then they will discard
these import mt articles of dress and
the streets will look as if all the bal ct
Girls in the coun ry had escaped, Well,
# would be scandalous. --NorrlStotch
Herald.
! DoU6LAs JERRoLD, being a very nerv-
Gus niail, usually suffered torments OF
apprehension on the first representation
| q apv of his pieces. A brother dra-
-refharkable for his successful
specimens of fair adaptation" or imita-
tion from the French--0n one such oc-
casion sought to rally the trembling
tsS:ile by stating that he himself never
felt aifT nervousness on the first produc-
ton of his own pieces. "Oh, my BOY
said Douglas. but then you are always
50 sure of. SUGGEST Your pieces have
all been tried before" 'i
DETROIT Free Press arithmetic; 4
has an overcoat for which he L4s
ft7st paid Sl8, and then his
wife trades it off for two red-clay buSts
Of Andrew Jackson, worth 30 cents
each. How much money viii she get
from her husband to bay fall bonnet 2
A man pays 80 cents for pound OF
evaporated apples, and gets $i4 news
naper-nuff fof sending them TO an Or
nban ASYLUM. Does lie make or LOSE
and how much? How many peek
pea c1l-baskets. each hold ng SIX quarts,
wi ! be required to no d seven 1u he!s
of peaches, each bushel OF whle@ Is
/ short four qtttrts%
4 Nrw YORKER took his friend, an
freshman, to TIE tie ter Immell teIY
IN front of them sat young lady with
a hat tb&t measured sever / feet irons
tin to tip. VII II fine curtain rose and
the play began the two men could only
oct occ tsional gl mp es of the st ore 10y
dodging around the corners OF the hat.
Finally the New Yorker observed test
iiv: "Confound woman who has no
more sense than to wear such Sw IS
cottage roof at place of public amuse-
mentl' 600 ai3y," said the gallant
Celt: ga moighty conv 4in anee she'd De
/, in ot climate where there were lie
: trees"
"THEY say q WON n can't keen a Sc
! eret." remark Il NJ s. Finsburv, with a
toss Of the head II say it's slaiid +
Mrs. Smith tll me to-day that the
Fendersons had had an awful M
John came home last oht in a terr bic
state. and Sarah declared she wouldn't
lie with him another day; but they {
all made up again, and this NOR G
thew were both as good a. le
Mrs. SIN til thOtght twas best t tc
J sav ANYTHING about il, seeing as tie c
! made up. She told me about it more L
an hour ago, and haven't mentioned 1
to q soul. / gu So 8 woman can keep
secret as well as a mali Livery woman
IN the room CT ed out most Iowa ": O
{ course she can" 1t was only the meI
, folks who relaxed Their features.
The Indian Summer.