The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-06-30


'sS'blood!" calculated Mr.. Caius Mar
tius, as he sided out of bed and rubbed
his eyes. "Beshrew me for a hverkln,
but the worthy Horatius put not enough
water to the proportion of peel and
hardware, and methilks l have head
upon mel''
Mr.. Mart1us CROPPED around and fell
over a chair
Sheath" cried his wife, sitting up
in bed and Strengthening the fillet that
bound her hair. "Th0u art clumsy, my
Casius! Hast built the fre?"
s'Certes, notl'' replied Martius, with
subdued air. ''Hast thou put the plate
of boiler iron into the seat of my under
garment? Hast copper fastened the
heel of my sock2 Hast sewed suspen-
der button upon my steel small clothes.
Fire me no fire until thou hast patched
me my habiliments! Bravely will APP
pear at the joust if. peradventure, mine
tin shirt shall be disclosed by thy care
lesaness, for at the last tourney / did
appear with mine hair sticking through
the crown of mine helmet" and as his
complaints subsidized into grunts the
noble Martius did pull on his tattered
armor, the which did reveal much of his
anatomy.
''Chide me not, Casius," returned his
wife. "Bethink thee that thou bringest
not home thy clothing until four o'clock
in the morning, and then rail at me for
not forging patches therefor? Six times
this Ides thou hast been boozed and
fain did split thy best steel breaches at
the knees, and once, thou well remem-
berest, thy jerkin caught in the door of
Claudius' house and ripped unto thy
collar"
'.But couldst not thou have fixed the
sleeves of my wrought iron Jacket" de-
manded Martius. "Of verify, thou at
least couldst have sewed the buttonhole
thereof, which now is fastened with a
stick"
ST had not rivets!" retorted his wife,
angrily, ''nor was there yet one scudi in
the housed Thou knowest, Martius,
thou art not good provider, aud since
thou heldest but four sevens against the
ample jacks of the designing Greek there
has not been postage stamp for house
hold duties. Beside, the servant girl
did quit"
"a murrian seize thee and thy grip
exclaimed Martius, impatiently, as he
ran the four teeth left in the comb
through his hair. "What hast thou
done? Thou sittest by the easement
daily, whilst /, who earn the pomegran-
ate and the lobscouse for the family,
must needs meet mine peers in torn and
5,o..,5 o,,ooo,. And ff 1onrohoooo fbo
smiling gods look not kindly through
mine eyes upon the jack pot, thou max.
est it excuse for leaving me go ripped
and rent among the masses. Where's
my hat?"
"There is thine helmet upon the bed
post, replied his wife, contemptuously,
''and the shoehorn bides beyond.
Thou'lt need it to get on thine hat, Mar
thus, for with the swelling of thine head
and the battered dents some catiff hath
bestowed upon thy plug thou'lt difficulty
, have to make one fit the other"
''See, there, the dent the envious can
didate for sheriff madel' cried Marcus,
with cleaning eyes, pointing out the
various wounds that did bestrew his
crown gear, ''and here the constable did
get his work within. But when the
centurion of the Praetorian Gyards did
bust this miniature ravine above the ear,
I seized the circumcised dog by the
throat and bit him in half like piel
Who's been through my pockets?"
swell asked, Casius Martiusl' return
ed his wife. "'Twas 1 did turn thy
small clothes inside out when thou lays't
snoring. One shekel and four nickels
/ found / there, and the shekel had hole
/ therein. Mine gownd hath passed be-
You'd the style, and this mine hat is out
of fashion, too, and am compelled to
go around looking like borrowed UNI
brella. Go to, Martius, and speak no
evil of my little Job in snatching few
cents that thou forgot'st to spend!
Whom fightest thou to-day in the lists?"
'sBrian De Bots Gilbert" answered
Martius. eff by any means 1 find a
blacksmith who will trust me for na,l
or two, and lend me hammer. Come
| get thee up and split the wood, or thou
/ wilt have no pancakes for thy enpti-
ness" .s.
And Martius winked upon himself
/ and sailed him out cocktail to obtain,
for he had hid a scudi in his chilled iron
vest for morning restoration. And Mrs.
Martius bounced her forth, and from
beneath the carpet dragged hundr, d
dollar bond, and scanned the same,
while she drew on her laced wrapper and
Saratoga waves.