davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-05-08

If you give dog a bad name you
might as well hang him. That's the
view Mr.. Epstein, of Grand street,
takes of it. He is a dry-goods deal
er, and some years ago managed to
get in the bad books of the dry goods
early closing association. They
broke his windows, or somebody did,
and he had them arrested; then he
was arrested for false Imprisonment,
and there was merry music all around
for a while. Finally, he gave in,
and closed early, dropped his hun
bred or so suits and began to hope
things would 90 on pleasantly. But
they don't. Bricks still fly through
his plate glass, though he now has
the consolation of receiving deputa-
lions from his former foes to sympa-
thize with him, and declare what is
no doubt the truth, that they have
nothing to do with the mischief.
And all sorts of jobs are put up on
him. The last was the old trick of
sending people to answer advertise
ments for work and for watch-dogs
Mr.. Epstein took it philosophically
and pointed all corners to huge plac-
ards which he has had printed foi
such occasions, and conspicuously
displayed in his broken windows witt
legends. mo more dogs wanted :
mo more hands wanted" You see
it has become the fashion in the i'm
mediate locality to annoy Mr.. Ep
stein, and the ginkeepers in the
neighborhood complain that theil
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
Tact,

Henry was good boy, but unfortun-
ately was not possessed of tact. I do
not know that you understand precisely
what tact means, therefore will illus
trate. One day gentleman was walk
ing along the street when all of sud-
den an avalanche of dust descended up
on him from = second-story window.
Henry, who was standing near, saw the
accident; but he did not have tact. 1t
seemed so funny to see a strange gen
tleman suddenly subjected to dust
shower that he laughed aloud. But
John was entirely unlike Henry. Not
withstanding it was he who had pre-
cipitated the dust upon the strange gen
tleman, he was in the street and adj
dressing the gentleman in moment.
He said he was exceedingly sorry that
such an unfortunate accident had be-
fallen the gentleman. and volunteered
to brush the dust from the latter's cloth
ing; but while pretending to do this he
rubbed chalk all over the gentleman's
back. The gentleman thanked John
for his kindness, and said he should be
only too glad to do him favor. John,
you see, had tact; but Henry, who SAW
the whole transaction, did not offer to
assist the gentleman. He simply
laughed. This angered the gentleman,
and by his efforts Henry was discharg-
ed from employment, while John Sc
cured q remunerative situation. There
is nothing like tact. Boston Transcript.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
The Smart Young Man.

with apologies to Mr.. Gilbert.)
If solicitous to shine in the fashionable line as
man Of tres grand air.
You must cultivate the cheek of musfC.hall
=, comtque and the manners of bear;
Then interlard your phrases with the sort of
chat that raises blush in virtuous
And brag about a scandal of some beauty with
handle to her high and well-born name;
And everyone will cry,
AS they see you BWQgger by,
IF he is hand in hand with the foremost in the
land, which has never been the case with
me,
Why, what particularly smart young man
Be extrayagantly dressed in the neatest and
~, the best; and when your bills abound.
position of farthing or two all around:
Be insolent'y rude in your after-dinner mood
~ to those that you do not fear
It's million to tanner that they initiate
your manner in the most exclusive;
And everyone will say,
AS they mark your gilded way,
IF he is the sort that is patrOniZed at court,
which has never yet occurred to me,
Why, what very singularly smart young
man that smart young man must bet
If you cannot show your face in the ring or at
race you must toady all your "pals"
who may,
And laugh and think it funny if they have to
find the money that you never intend to
Inhabit the abode of Phryne a la mode, but
not for your own ends,
But unseltishly that you may convey billet
doux for your more illustrious friends;
Then everyone will cry,
..,e AS they burst with jealousy;
Prince Jack, and look scornfulIy down
Why, what most preposterously smart young
man that smart young man must be!''
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
Determined Not to be Misunderstood.

Determined Not to be Misunderstood.
II tells yer, Sam, dat dars heap in
dat sayin' about de arly bird cotches de
wum. Dis morning got up jess about
day to get me tonic at de saloon, and
de fust objec' sot eyes on when I got
outen in de street was portmania.''
s'What new disease am dat ar?''
IA portmania, you cussed fool, am a
money puss wild $40 in HIT
"Dat's de berry puss dars dollar re-
ward offered for at de newspaper Office
Il know hit, Sam, but Use not gwine
ter take hit dar, bekase den all nv
friends will say dat refunded dat puss
jess ter hab folks say dar was one honest
niggah in Austin, dat wanted ter git
myself pulled in de papers, and hab
folks talk akout my honesty-dat was
boastful niggah. Raider den hab my
motive misunderstood by dis heah Aus
tin public I'll squander de las dollar of
dat money in riotous libin.''
''Ill do all l kin, Sam, tor help yer
outen yer dilemmer."
They disappear to slow music in the
direction of barrel house soloon.-
austin Stftings..
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
Biliousness.

Almost every person, is familiar with
this ailment, either as experienced in
himself or rs seen III others. Yet the
best medical experts do not certainly
know its nature or seat. People do not
die of biliOusness. however long or much
they may suffer from it, and for this
not certainly reveal its origin. Proba-
bly,, however, it is a mild sort of jaun.
dice, due to some disturbance Of the
liver, The liver is the largest gland in
the body, and one of it's offices is to
strain the blood. 1t cannot, therefore,
be even slightly deranged without dis
turbing more or less the entire system.
All persons are not equally liable to
attacks of biliousness. They are often
the result of certain inherited ten
dency. Says Sir Lionel Beale: ..The
bilious habit seems to be due to an un-
usually sensitive, irritable stomach and
liver, which will discharge their func-
tions fairly in a moderate degree, but
which cannot be made to do more than
this moderate amount of work without
getting much out of order. Most of the
organs taking part in the digestion and
assimilation of food seem to strike work
when the bilious attack comes on. If
food be taken, the suffering becomes
greater. The fact seems to be that the
digestive organs require rest for time,
and if, when an attack comes on, this
rest is given, the bilious state passes of,
and then the patient feels extremely
we'll perhaps for considerable time. -
The same high authority condemns
for persons suffering from biliousness,
rich foods, fatty soups, fried dishes and
most forms of alcohol. He advises but
little meat; commends vegetables, fruits
and vegetable acids, particularly lemon
juice, and plenty of bread. Severe cases
require medicines for the liver. Youths
Companion.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
Watering House Plants,

The want of success that many people
experience with house plants is chiefly
due to the improper way in which they
are supplied with water. Sometimes
the earth in the pots becomes as dry as
street dust. At other times the soil is
kept in the condition of soft mud. In
many cases there is no opening in the
bottom of the pot or box through which
the superfuous water can escape. As
consequence it remains and becomes
stagnant and offensive to the smell. It
is quite likely that malaria has resulted
from the decay of vegetable matter in
flower pots kept in living rooms. A
German paper makes the following sem
sible suggestions on the subject:
watering plants is one of the most
important things in the culture of house
plants, and very special care should be
devoted to it. Plants ought not to be
wet until they need it. 1t will be evil
dent that they require wetting if on
taking the earth from the pot it crum-
bles to pieces like dust. A sure sign is
to knock on the side of the pot, near the
middle, with the finger-knuckle. If it
gives forth hollow ring, the plant
needs water; if there is duh sound,
there is still moisture enough to sustain
the plant. Plants must not be wet more
than once or twice day. On dry;
clear days they require more water than
on damp, cloudy days. On the other
hand, the earth must not be allowed to
dry out entirely, for that is also very
injurious. In wetting them the water
must be poured in such a way that it
will run out again through the hole in
the bottom of the pot. If the earth gets
too dry it is best to place the pot in
water, SO that the water will saturate
the dirt very gradually. They may be
watered at any hour Of the day, except
when the sun is shining on the pot OF
has just left it; for the earth gets hot
when the sun shines on it, and then II
cold water is poured on it it will cool of
too rapidly. The best time for watering
flowers in summer is the evening, and
in winter noon is best. Well water
should never be used, but always use
either rain water or brook water.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
They Spared His Life.

Many years ago, when Denver didn't
have any opera-house, and the Rocky
Mountain country was terra spcoQ.tta
of the world, there wandered out to the
region of Fort Benton man named
Exbeadle, who made himself unpopular
among the Shoshones by killing some
OF their most prominent men whenever
he could catch them away from home.
AS a result of this course of procedure,
Mr.. Exbeadle had large private ceme-
terry, and hostilities were declared by the
tribe.
Mr.. Exbeadle was speculator, and
one day fortune threw in his way q lot
OF fireworks that didn't meet with q
ready sale and he purchased them,
more for his own amusement than anv
thing else. These he put to one side,
and didn't think of them again until
one day there was council Of war in
the Shoshone tribe, at which it was re-.
solved to extinguish the light of Mr.. Ex-
beadle and send him across the mvster-
ious river.
They notified him that the intention
was to make him climb the golden stair
in about fifteen minutes, Western time.
1t looked pretty dubious for moment,
and he didn't know exactly what to do,
not having time to consult counsel.
1t was q dark night in autumn, and
Mr.: Exbeadle felt that the morrow
would be of very little interest to him.
Like an inspiration, however, came
the recollection of his fireworks. He
rose and said:
Gentlemen of the forest, you appar-
emily have the bulge on me, and I admit
you are largely in the majority, but you
do not know me. am medicine man
from Michigan, and l can make il
mighty interesting for you, if you carry
this thing too far. I just say this for
your own good, and more in sorrow
than in anger. If you take out my W.T.
ais and feed them to the vultures, I will
linger near you in the spirit, and will
annoy you pretty plenty. am aware
that l have planted some of your
leading men in the cold, cold ground; but
that isn't marker to what will per-
form when get out of the flesh, where
won't be delayed by the inclemency Of
the weather.
Il will now proceed to show you
rev nttle amateur efforts of mine as q
medicine man from away back
Mr.. Exbeadle then let off new style
OF sea serpent from a slight elevation.-.
1t was the biggest thing in the line OF
pyrotechnics that was ever turned loose
west of the Missouri 1t shot out into
the dark about nine feet like a carload
of delirium tremens, and squirmed
through the inky bosom of night like an
uneasy demon walking i'll his Sleep
The gathered warriors Of the tribe took
one Mortified look at the Kissing ennis
sary of hell, and lit out. They left all
their baggage that didn't happen to be
tied to them; and there hasn't been
Shoshone Indian seen there since.
Mr.. Exbeadle picked out the best po-
MES belonging to the tribe, loaded up
the rest of fireworks, and went home
Hr lived many years after, and became
one of the most trusted Indian peace
commissioners known in Western his
tory.-Ldranuic Bo0nlerunq.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
He Felt Prond of His Feet.

AAV LAO
In down town auction room, on a
certain occasion, a little German Jew,
who was slowly and shrewdly making
his bid, was addressed by near by.
stander with:
''There is very disagreeable odol
about here; what can it be?''
"Yaas," he replied, unhesitatingly
''dat ish my veet!''
''Your feet! Then why don't you re-
tire from the room and not mingle witt
gentlemen? The odor your feet exhalt
is very offensive
..Ah!' responded the little Hebrew.
''you ought to zmell 'em in Email
room in de Zummer-time!'
Pride in such an accomplishment, as
Baron Pompolino would say, sis vir.
tue somewhat rare.''
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
Burke cochran's Twelve Quart Pail Wit

z ~
Old Mrs. L., the widow Of small
farmer, of Westchesteri County, was re.
markable for her plainness Of speech
sort y The old woman was an import
ant witness for the prosecution in case
in which Burke Cochran defended the
evil-doer. Her testimony bore hard up
on the prisoner, and in the cross.exami-
nation, Cochran endeavored in vain to
confuse or irritate her. At length, turn
ing abruptly to the witness, he exclaim-
cd:
Madam! you have brass enough In
your face 70 make q twelvesquart
pail!''
Yes" replied the witness, ..and
you've got sass enough in your head to
I'LL it!!'' 81
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
The Sassy Aspect Of Some Women.

1l6 classy aspect OF o0llo women.
Women have taken on sassy
aspect" writes Clara Belle, ''due to tip
ping their hats over their noses. don't
know how long the fashion will last,
but just now the turned back brim is
discarded, and the top front of the head
is once more covered. This transfers
the neuralgia center from the phreno.
logical bump of reflection to the bump
Of love, and I won't undertake to pre-
dict the result. Will the sudden expos
ure Of the back of the head, right Ct the
beginning of cold weather, lower the
temperature of the amative-mercury
supposed to be stored in that part Of the
noddleps Or, will it cause congestion and
consequent increase in the number. Of
weddings this winter?''
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
Hotel Guests Electrified.

The Trouble that was Caused by the Little Screw
Of an Electric Lamp.
A gentleman leaning against one of
the iron pillars in Dooner's cafe recent
ly, says the Philadelphia Press, was OBJ
served to pitch suddenly forward and
nearly fall on the marble floor. He turn
ed very pale, and looked about him to
see whether his involuntary action had
been noticed. It did not appear to have
been, and he walked back to the pillar
and examined it critically. Then he
walked around it and looked to the cell
ing. He looked to the floor, and then
to satisfy himself whether the post had
moved from its place and kicked him,
he pressed hard against it with the palm
of his hand.
In another instant the gentleman was
sprawling on the floor. He got up and
finding that he was beginning to attract
attention, he walked back and sought
Mr.: Dooner. us this place haunted"
he asked, ''or have you a familiar spirit
which knocks people down?'' Then he
explained what had taken place. ..Non.
sense" said Mr. Dooner, 'sshow me the
post and I'll hug it if you say So" Mr..
Dooner was shown the post, and he put
his arms around it. But it was not for
long. In less than two seconds Mr..
Dooner was where his guest had been a
few minutes before. At the same time
a howl of rage was heard in the bar
room. Mr.. Dooner ran back. A man
was standing there with half-emptied
glass of wine in his hand. s'What does
this mean?" he demanded. Il attempt
ed to take drink and a shock went
through me like galvanic battery. Do
you" He was interrupted by another
man, who entered suddenly with a veil
and a muttered imprecation. whats
the matter here?'' he asked, rather ang-
rily. l put my hand on an iron post out
there" pointing to the cafe, .'and be-
lieve I'm paralyzed."
BY this time group of excited men
had gathered around. ''The place is be-
witched," said one, cor has been mag
netized," suggested another. ..No,
gentlemen" ventured little man, who
was smiling broadly, tits nothing of the
kind. These gentlemen have all receiv-
ed an electric shock. Make an investi-
CATION and see if am not right.''
The hotel proprietor sent for the
manager of the Electric Power Compa-
ny on Arch street, above Tenth. He
came, and in less than twenty minutes
had solved the mystery. twas found
that steel screw, from which depended
an electric light, had been pushed too
far through the lath and plaster and
came in contact with an iron girder rest
ing on the pillar and the base of the pill
lar rested on another girder beneath the
floor 10 81; The gentlemen who were knock
by touching the post, and the man
who thought he was drinking mol
ten lead did the same by placing his
foot on the metal rail in front Of the
bar, after he had lifted the glass to his
lips. The screw was given half turn
back. the circuit was broken and every
body was relieved.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29

A Carson, New, man, who was di.
vorced from his wife twenty years ago.
left for California recently to remarry
the partner of his early manhood. ne
has neither seen his former wife nor his
children during all this time.
It looked very gloomy the other morn
Ing. The sky was heavy overcast and q
mist was falling. the air was chill. But
before noon an organ grinder appeared.
How much we doubt, how little We trust.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-29
JWecklv Neui<m.
PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY, s
JOS. BOBLETER.

TERMS:
One Dollar and half per year in
edvance.
Rates Of Advertising.
FURNISHED UPON APPLICATION.
Advertisements in double column, double the
single column rates.
Business Cards Of five lines one year $500, each
dional line Is cts.
All transient advertisements to be ipaid for in
advance.
Advertisements inserted in the local notice col.
umns, ten cts line for the first insertion and
cents line for each ubsequeat insertion; but no
notice inserted for less than 80 cts
A announcements Of marriages and deaths insert.
ed free; bnt obituary notices, except in special
cases, will be charged at advertising rates.
Teg,l notices will be cha rged Is cts folio for
the first insertion, and % cts per folio for each
subsequent in ~ertion. Al! legal notices must be
upon the responsibility Of the attorney ordering
them published AMI no atf lavit Of publication will
be given until the publication fees are paid.
In connection with the paper, we have splen.
did assortment of johbing material, and we are
prepared to execute all kinds of printing in a'tyle
Unsurpassed and ut moderate rates.
St. Landry democrat., 1882-05-20
The Curse Of the Credit System,
in the South.

The New York Times, IN a well-con-
sidered article on the credit system in
general, thus alludes to its damaging
effects in the South: Not long ago the
largest wholesale grocery firm in Attain
tn failed, with nominal assets of Sl75,-
600 and liabilities amounting to $125, 900.
They had sold heavily to country mer
chants, and were to make an assign
ment by their inability to collect what
was due them. The failure Of a large
commercial fertilizer house in Balti-
more was due mainly to the same cause.
TIL creditors of most Of these concerns
have very little reason to hope for any
thing like full payment. This is not a
CD % where Improvement in the trade
or ire removal of the cause of depres-
sion will relieve embarrassed debtors.
It's credit system in the South is one of
yesaIlly accounts, and If the balance is
Oh the wrong side at the end of one
season it is useless to expect that the
next Years crop will make good the
loss. The planters are not provident
class; and, whether the crop be large
or small, it is too often eaten up by the
.nts' advances. This years crop
y this years debt-not last years.
St. Landry democrat., 1882-05-20

The fable of the Lion, the Ass and
Fox has moral quite applicable at the
present day. 1t is this: Better be wise
by the misfortunes of others than by
your own" How few heed the lesson
here taught. Each one seems to de-
mand misfortune before learning wis
dom. The young are too self-reliant-
the old are stubborn. You have a
friend who lately buried his wife, an
other looked upon his daughter the last
time. They both had been suffering
from chronic female complaint, which
finally resulted in death. They refused
to secure remedies that would effect a
cure. Your wife or daughter is suf-
fering from the very same complaint
and you know it. You do not secure
the medicine and they are gradually de-
clining. Does not the fate of others
stare you in the face ? Without delay
place them upon the use of English Fee
male Bitters. 1t strengthens, regulates
and cures with promptness.
St. Landry democrat., 1882-05-20

The simplest and best regulator Of the
Disordered Liver in the world, are
Carriers Little Liver Pills. They give
prompt relief in Sick Headache, Dizzi-
ness, Nausea, &C.; prevent and cure
constipation and piles; remove sallow-
ness and pimples from the complexion,
amp are mild and gentle in their opera
ton on the bowels. Carriers Little
Liver Pills are small and as easy to
take as sugar. One pill dose. Price
IS cents.
St. Landry democrat., 1882-05-20
Notice to Debtors :!

A LII PERSONS Indebted to me are respect
"A fully requested to come forward and pay
up without delay.
c. B. ANDRUS.
Opelousas, La, April %, 1882. If
St. Landry democrat., 1882-05-20

We clip the following, which vii
interest many who have never heard
the particulars Of the arrest by Sheriff
Duson Of John Fahey, in Illinois, from
the Beaumont Enterprise dated April
22d:
"We stopped at the Curry House,
which is not excelled for comfort by
any hotel in Texas.
Among others attending the District
Court we found George H. Wells, Esq,
OF Lake Charles, and DR.. Parker and
Sheriff c. G. Duson of Opelousas, La
Mr.. Duson has wide reputation as an
efficient Criminal sheriff and is withal,
"a fellow Of infinite jest" He is an ex-
cellent hand at telling anecdotes, and
kept us amused good deal. One of
his stories will bear repeating. Seriff
Duson went, short time ago to ILL
nois to arrest an Irishmen named John
FOy, wanted for the murder of one
Richard Farrell in st. Landry Parish.
The Illinois Sheriff, himself an Irish
man, had not had much experience and
inquired Of Duson if there was any
difference in the form Of arresting a
man under requisition, from the or
binary form. Duson told him no, and
the Sheriff said, well then, I'll use me
own forum" They went to the house
where Foy was stopping and the sheriff
put his hand on his shoulder and used
the following novel form of arrest {:
John Foy, in the name Of the great
paple OF the State of Illinoy, and the
power in me vested, artist you for the
murder of Richard Farrell in Louisiana,
and may the Lord have mercy ON your
sowl." The man tried to break away.
but a persuader in in the hands Of Sher-
if Duson made the form hold good.''
St. Landry democrat., 1882-05-20

At recent general conference Of the
NJ. E. Church South, the following new
bishops were elected: Rev. A. w
Wilson, D. D., of the Balti-
more conference; Rev. A. G. Hay
good, D. D., of North Georgia confer
ence Rev. j. C. Cranberry, D. D., OF
the Virginia conference; Rev. r. H
Hargrove, D. D. Of the Alabama confer
ence and Rev. Linus Parker, D. d., OF
the Louisiana conference.
St. Landry democrat., 1882-05-20

Last Monday about three hundred
men entered the town Of St. Martinville
and took from the Jail man named
Joseph E. Jenkins, who had been i'm
prisoned for killing his brother-in- law
Raphael Castillo. They took him to
his home in the country where he had
killed the latter. En- route they seized
a colored man named Eugene Azar,
who had been released on bond for kill
ing another one, and hung them to
the same tree, in presence of Jenkins
wife.