The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06
Young Fools that'Marry.

Sct sOinC youhS lclioN q D"Oh piVhS'
yet:
can Illinois justice has decided tha
courting is public necessity, ant
must not be interrupted; therefore, i
a young man wanted TO kiss a girl, h,
might put her father out of the room
first, if he liked"
The publication of the above itcu
may cause some smart young man t
do something he will regret Th'
lame, sickly looking father of a cir
may come into the pailor some nigh
and find the warm hearted youth oil
tie sofa with the girl, and when tho
old man speak Of it being time to stol
such nonsense, the young man, wit
the above judicial decision in his mind
willteil his prospective father-in-lav
| tn vino ~ i:- ----. - :
The old man will then spit OH his
hands and crap the warm haired
youth by the county seat and tie him
up in double bow knot and pin u
scarf on him, and throw him out on
the path to the gate, and then he will
turn and slap the girl across the place
where her dress is pleatcd, and she
will go up stairs with her hand on her
heart, as it were, and the old man viii
jump up and say, "Whoop." The
young men Of this country have got
"gall" enough about visiting girls in
the evening at their homes without ll-
ling their heads with any such ideas in
regard to their rights. There are very
few fathers who would quietly submit
to being told TO 60 away by Il Young
man with striped necktie and pants
too short at the bottom. These spark
ors arc looked up9n " parells gener-
right. Niue-tcnth of the sparkling is
done by boys who haven't got their
growth, and they look so green that it
is laughablc for old folks to look al
them. They haven't generally got a
second shirt, and they are no more
qualified to get married than steer i,
to preach. And vet marrying ) about
the first thing they think of. A green
Doy, without dollar, present or pros
pectivc, parking a Siii iuguiaIIy ana
talking about marrying, is spectacle
for gods and men. lie should he rea-
soned with, and ifhe will hot quit it
until he is able to support a wife, and
to know whom he loves, and the differ
cncc between love and passion, he
should be quarantined or put in con-
vent erected on purpose for such cases.
Nineteenth of the unhappy marriages
being allowed TO run at large III the
society pasture without any yokes on
them. They marry and have children
before they do moustachcs; they are
=. .i.o..- ,iiSy dIc pro-
prietors of two pairs of pants, and the
little girls they marry are old women
before they are twenty years old.
Occasionally one of these gosling marri-
ages turns ont all right, but il is clear
case of luck. If there were law
against young galoots sparkling and
marry ing before ihey have cut all their
teeth, we suppose the little fellows
would evlde it some way, but there
ought to be sentiment against ii. Ii is
time enough for thc,c bantans 10 thinA
of finding pullct when they have
raised money enough b! their own
work to bay bundle OF lathes 10
build hen house. Bat they see q
;tiraiu tnerc 10 not going 10 be GINS
enough 10 so around, and then they
and beffc Ss they' hi 'fe afe a@2FESS OF Tit s&hy;
tity OF the marriage relation they are
hitched tor life, and before they own a
cook stove or bedstead they have toI
get up i'll tic night and go for the doc
tor, So frightened that they run them
selves out OF breath and abuse the doc
tor because he does not run too; and
when the doctor gets there he finds
there is not linen enough in the house
to wrap up a doll baby. Ii Is about
this time young man begpls to recog-
nize that he has been colossal fool,
and as he flies around to heat water,
and bring in the bath tub, and goes
whooping after his mother OF her
mother, he turns pale around the sills,
his hair turns red in single night, ana
he calls high heaven TO witness that II
he lives ill morning, which lie has
doubts about, he VIII turn over new
leaf aud never get married again until
he is older. And in the morning the
green looking father is around before u
drug store is open, with no collar on,
his hair sticking every way, his eyes
blood shot and his frame nervous,
waiting ior the clerk to open the door
SO he can get some sailIon to make
tea of. Less than Il year ago he
thought that he was the greatest man
that there was anywhere, but as he
sits there in the house that morning
with his wedding coat rusty and shiny
and his pants lrayed at the bottom and
patched n: the elbow, and the nnrs'
puts in his arms little roll of flame
with baby hid in it, he holds it as h'
would n banana, aud as he looks at hi
girl wife on the bed, nearly dead from
pain and exhaustion, and he thinks
that there is not provisions enough II
the house to feed canary luml
comes into his throat, and he says Il
himself that if he had it to do owe
again he would leave that little girl a
home to grow up with her mother, an
he would wait till he had six dollars t
buy baby flannel and ten dollars to pa