The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-12-22
WHY WE LAUGH.
Lighthouses are better appreciated by
sailors than actors.

sailors than actors.
The brewers Of St. Louis have started
newspaper organ to work up an increased
thirst for lager.
A man who thinks himself smart likes to
make others smart. There Is certainly moth.
ing selfish about him.
When political party becomes too fresh
the people send 1t up Salt river.--Philadet-
phia Chronicle Herald.
There is big difference between bull In
. china shop and . new girl In the Kitchen.
The difference 10 one Of sex.--Phitadetphtd
Ne,cs.
Student (reciting): "And-er then-er he
er weut-er and-er-" (The class laugh). Pro-
fessor: "Dont laugh, gentlemen; to err is
human"
Tom Thumb Is knight Templar. He Is
the shortest knight in the world--shorter
even than than the night Of the 2lst Of June.
--Lo,rel Courier.
IL you get > chance to put In full nights
sleep about these times, improve 1t. By and
by mince pie will be ripe and then the night
mare cometh.--L0.relt Citizen.
A Pittsburg druggist, being complimented
on the beauty OF his last baby replied: ut
isn't my prettiest, but its by Phat nycutest."
Interment private.--Pittsbmg Telegraph.
Little three year old, visiting her grandpa
rents In the country was taken out TO see the
pigs. After watching them intently for
moment she said: "Gandpa, dose pids has
very little handles"
A good old Quaker lady, after listening to
the extravagant yarn of person as long as q
patience would allow, said to him: "Friend
what a pity 1t is sin to lie when 1t seems SO
necessary to your happiness"
1t Is during these days of business that
clergy man, on selecting chapter Of the
Bible to read In church, first looks at the end
of the last verse to make sure that no patent
medicine advertisement Is hitched on
Puck.
A lady put her watch under her pillow the
other night, but could not keep 1t there be.
cause 1t disturbed her sleep. And there, all
the time, was her bed ticking right under her
and she never thought Of II at all.--Spring-
.fetd Republican.
1t Is customary among tlr Piutes when a
chief dies TO kill the medicine man who at
tended him. This seems to be simple and
expeditions way of preventing the medicine
mAU IEOn pICsCILiHN tHV iutC Soh5iSoo "ASh
a bill for S., ,O00-Phiia. Ne,rs.
"Little girl, do you know whose house
this is ?" asked solemn looking cid man Of
a bright child seated on the church steps.
"Yes, sir, it's Gods, but he amt I'M" she
added as the old man walked up the steps,
"And his agents gone to Europe"
Frank james says he never killed man
unless he felt it was positively necessary un-
less the man denurred at the very reason
able request to deliver up his money, watch
aud other valuables. Highwaymen are lied
about as we'll As the rest Of u.s. Ncrristo'cn
Herald.
"How long would it take a man to walk to
the moon2" little Austin boy asked his
father. III don't know my son, but unless he
walked very slow, think he would get
there q good while before the Ohio Republi-
cans fool with prohibition agsin."--Ieras
Siftings.
A clerk of an eninently respectable house
the head Of which Is q deacon, was instruct
ed to prepsre an advertisement and have 1t
inserted In the papers. He prepared one
which read: "The pot scooped! We hold
| four aces to the tobtail flush Of any other
house In town on fine table cloths"
| Is, SlT8nRGT, shIu luC hdliFS VI y uOD-
bledshoy western village, "Five year ago
this hull place were wilderness; nothing
but persrie grass and red injuns. Now, str an.
| ger, there be twenty men In that Jail over
! Wonder, and forty more in the poor. hus. lt'i
q growin' town. you'd better believe, stran
ger"
A Sabbath school teacher had q class o
little girls, and was telling them how th'
i al. hchs s,,t1 +.
Ganges. "And what do you think they d.
that for?" she asked bright little girl o
four years who was intently listening. "Oh
l s'pese the mothers want to see If they Cal
SWIM" answered the little girl.
An undertaken in Australia exhibits
coffin In the window Of his shop, On the side
Of which in gold letters, Is the inscription
"Let me hide myself in thee" Many mis-
took this for trademark until they disco1
cred that It was the second line Of vers
| me-" was on the other side Of the coffin.
: A young gentleman who was pledged
take young lady to party remarked to hs
on the afternoon before the event, that b
WAS going home to take sleep in order to
fresh. "That's right" she replied; "but
: not sleep too long" "Why?" he aske'
| "b0c1uSe, en0 AnSW0Tcu, II u0nt WAns "
to DO too fresh. h."--Phitadelphid SundG
:, Item.
= A man that bought a badly fitting suit tn
was much to large for him was constant
J taken to task by his good wife for his foil
I One evening Is their little daughter was r
: firing, they were much surprised to overhe
G the following conclusion of her evenil
prayer: "Plesse God make pa over again
his clothes III ct him and then ma won't NJ
Q at him no more"
The Detroit Free Press says: An Iowa p
per has supplied long felt want by giving
. the public an obituary notice that bears upt
% its face the stamp Of honesty. 1t says: 81
+ gained his riches by loaning money A
handling notes and mortgages, had Stat
= wide name for his litigation In various cou
70 ties and In the Supreme Courts, was gras
ing and heartless In his transactions, hecaI
,. divorced from his wife and died without
friend"
j. Timber for Railroad Uses.