The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1882-11-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

a boy describing how he had q
tooth drawn said: "The doctor col
Jared me, pulled like wild horses, and
just before my head came off the tooth
dropped out"
A gentleman had his picture taken
recently =; cost him two hundred dol
lars, and still he is not happy. A
fellow took it out of the hall when the
latch was up.
Pedestrian; who has dropped a penny
in front Of "a poor, blind man."
"Why, you humbug, you're not blind"
Beggar: "Not I, sir. If the card
says I am, they must have given me
the wrong mi I'm deaf and dumb.
A queen bee lays in the height Of
the season from 1000 to 5000 eggs in
twenty-four hours. The man who
will discover how to graft a queen bee
on a hen will make money enough
to puy out the whole continent in six
months.
A man in Western Illinois adver-
tised for a wife, his sister answered
the "ad," and now the young man
thinks there is no balm in advertise
ments, while the old folks think it's
pretty hard to have two fools in the
family.
An advertisement in a Western
paper offers a fashionable" piano for
sale. Mrs. Yeast was at a loss to
know what a fashionable piano really
was, but she has come to the conclH.
sion that it must be n that is
banged"
"No Indian ever has his pony shod,'
observes an exchange, "and yet the
Indian department is charged with
$4,000 worth of horseshoes per year"
Oh, that's all right. The Indians hang
'em over the doors Of their wigwams
to bring good luck.
A street railway has been laid in
Athens. But some 1000 years too
late to find out whether or not old
Socrates, Xenophon or Demosthenes,
riding down to Piraus on a horse-car.
would have given up their seats to a
woman who wasn't pretty.
Not exactly quenched "You know
I am a member Of the fire department"
said Biggs, land if I find your young
spark in the house it will be my duty
to put him out" "But, father" res
piled his daughter, "if you do, like as
not I shall have a new flame within u
week."
Astronomical: "Mother, mayI get
up at daybreak and 60 out to look at
the comet with Charley" "No, my
daughter, but you may 60 into the
kitchen and peel those potatoes" It.
is in this way that many a youthful
and soaring mind is condemned to
limit the realm Of its knowledge to
the narrow borders of u Insignificant
planet. {.
IL don't believe in this learning
German, Spanish. French or any for
eign language" said a Michigan man
the other day. "Why, I lived among
a lot of Germans and got along with
them just as well as if 1 had known
their language, but I didn't-not a
word of it." "How did you contrive
it?" "Why, you. see they understood
NINE"
"a New Orleans washerwoman has
in the past fifteen years raised family.
of fatherless children, given them all
good educations, purchased a hand
some house, and has $4,000 laid away
for a rainy day. Her entire possess
ions were earned at. the washutb."
This item is valuable as showing how
promptly New Orleans men pay their
wash bills.
He was a real estate agent and COM.
planned that he had had three adjoin-
inc houses to let since last fall, and
couldn't get rid Of them on any terms.
"What's the cause?" asked a friend.
"Malaria?" "No." "Rum mill on
the corner?" mo" "Neighborhood
infested with cats?" "No." What
then" "Well, there's a man across
the way with his daughter, and he's
trying to make an American prima
donna of her"
Speaking of spiritual consolation
and the comforting assurance that the
eternity of the just shall be blessed, a
Chicago clergyman tells a story. There
was an old lady in his church who was
noted for her pe%nuriousness as well as
her piety, and while talking with her
about her hope of the hereafter ne
asked: "Mrs. s., did you ever stop to
think what will crafty you most in
heaven?" ooh yes" she exclaimed
1T will be such a cheap place to live
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