The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-03-09
HUMORs OF THE DAY.

DOES man break into humor when
he cracks joke?
IT Is no longer matter of pride to
have q high forehead a COW has that,
and she is very low-ly.
In UNION there is strength. "Poor
Toms cold" but Tom and Jerry's hot.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
TIE best description we have ever
heard of slow man was that he was too
slow to get out of his own way.-Losoeu
Courier.
WHEN the washerwoman calls for q
young mans linen, does that make her
q shirt caller? Neckst. = Steu6enUitte
| Herald.
"MoNEY makes my ma CO." said little
| Skeesicks when his mother, armed with
/ . $40 greenback, left for o downtown
shopping tour.
i ENQuIKER: Are plants In q sleeping
room unhealthy? Not necessarily. We've
seen some very healthy plants growing
j in sleeping rooms.
"DoN'r you think that Miss Brown is
q very sweet girl ?" asked Henry. sOh,
yes, very sweet, replied Jane; that Is
| to say, she Is well preserved.
'.ARE you dead, Mm2" said an Irish
father to his son, who had fallen down
| well. "Not dead, father, but spache-
less, came up from the depths.
No WOMAN e'er contented is,
For when she builds little house
1 She always wants lot. rs
-hGcAens sdok Republsoan.
"Ir Is poor taste to laugh at your own
jokes" said Henderson; something /
never do, through L do say it" "Does
anybody else ever laugh at them p
asked Fogg. 80
A BROOKLYN man has just found his
sister from whom he has been separated
fifty years. She was the cook in his
boarding house, and he recognized the
style of her hash.
"HAvE You any faith in mince pie as
q cure for headacne? asked one young
married lady of another. Yes, was
the reply, "brlng out your mince pie.
I get pie headaches regularly.
WHEN Brown complained of rush of
blood to the head Fugg endeayored to
ease bus mlnd by reminding h.m that
nature abhors vacuum, aud Browns
blood rushed to his head worse than
ever.
"MAN and wife are all one, are they 2"
said she. "Yes; what of 1t ?" said he
suspiciously. why, in that case, |"
said his wife, ''I came home awfuliY
tipsy lest night and feel terribly ashamed
OF myself tins morning" He never said
word.
i AZ YOUNG ladies' seminary recently,
during an examination In history, one Of
! the pupils was interrogated thus:
"Mary, did Martin Luther die natural
death?" "No, was the reply; che was
communicated by bull '-HarUGrl
Lanpoon. fs{
LITTLE EDITH was terribly sleepy the
other night. She began her customary
. prayer upon retiring, but when she got
as tar as "Our Father" her eyes closed
: and her head tumbled on to the pillow.
. 81 tan't tay it tonight" she SAID, "I'm
. too s'eepy. He knows the vest of it. "
A LECTURER was once in dilemma
which he will probably never forget.
} While talking about art he ventured the
assertion, cart can never improve ma
ture." And at that moment some one
in the audience cried out in gruff voice,
"Can't he? Well, then, how do you
think you would look without your wigl''
"MEMoRY is a wonderful thing" said
Jack Miller to his friend Dan Watts
"Just think OF what fellows head can
8 holdl It's gigantic, sir giganticp
. Watts-"I have often heard your friends
: say you have very fine memory, Jack.
Miller (hattered y" Well, that's very
, kind. Yes, have q pretty good memory
Watts-"Do you think you can recall
, the ten dollars lent you three Year,
|. a9o?"