The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-02-03
CROOKED Ways.

badly afflicted with cacoethes scri6e1adi.
Of course greater evils might have be-
fallen me; [ might have been seized
with passion for whisky or gambling
but, still, my cdcoethes scTibe7ldi was
serious enough. During my college
days the symptoms showed themselves
plainly but the malady did not assume
Its true and awful proportions until I
had taken by degree. Then, forsooth,
it fastened upon me like leech, and,
before many months elapsed, it over
mastered me completely. In accordance
with my mothers wish, / went to Dun
das, ostensibly toread law with my uncle,
but it was mere pretense of law-read-
ing, for the mornings that / ought to
have spent over Blackstone were devoted
TO composition of novel and the
afternoon to the polishing of some
poems. Uncle Dick shook his head
grayely and demonstrated, sometimes in
sadness and sometimes in anger.
"That scribbling will never amount to
anything" he would say, contemptu-
ously. This was hard to bear; but my
lofty aspirations sustained me, and, firm
in my belief of ultimate success, scrib-
bled on and ever, and bombarded all the
magazines in the country with my man.
Uscript. The magazines did not open
their columns to me, and fell back at
last upon the weekly newspapers, and
especially upon the Boston Weekly Pal
lGdj,aa. That journal printed my es-
says, and o certain assistant editor.
whose initials were "F. B. S." sent me
p,Clita 1oOtao frO,,o 4s,,oa - 49, = I'll
something to see my productions in
print; it would have been more had
these productions once IN a while
brought in check. But they never
did they elected only polite notes from
L. b. s. Finally l wrote letter to the
assistants editor upon the subject, and
by return post / received a reply. It
was sent to my private box at the post
Office, but, to my great amusement, was
directed to "Jane Bell' instead of
John" My handwriting was not very
distinct, and perhaps a trife feminine,
and the signature. upon which [ rather
prlded myself, certainly left it an open
question whether John or Jane were
meant. The note, too, began:
"MIss BELL; In reply to your quos-
ton, | would say that this journal pays
its regular corps Of writer's. We are
glad to receive your articles, and per-
haps later may make adequate compen-
sation therefor but, as a young writer.
1t would be wiser for you to think at
present only Of securing a foothold
You have.an excellent chance of success
in the end but much patience is neces-
sary at the outset.
"Please say whether l shall direc
future communications to John Bell.
Miss Bell or Mrs. Bell. At present I do
not venture to give you any title.
Every truly yours,
NAY OF. B. ScREvEN."
This letter at once amused and
piqued me. 1t was pleasant and rather
encouraging, but it was plain the writer
set me down as an impecunious young
woman, whereas the truth was had a
very fair income of my own, and was a
slx-toot, mustached specimen of mascu-
Unity, .The idea of playing the role of
Miss Jane Bell ticl1led my fancy. and.
therefore, giving my imagination free
rein, upon the spur Of the moment T sat
down and wrote as follows
+. b. SoREvEN At present also
am IN a quandary, for I do not know
whether | ought to address you as
madame, monsieur, or mademoiselle.
The last title is mine Just now, al
though of course L feel at liberty to
change it when choose, or rather when
the proper opportunity offers itself.
Perhaps mGtrimony would be more
profitable speculation than literature.
DO not, however, suppose I am depen-
dent npon my pen for my bread and
butter In this case, I fear, the butter
would beyery thin indeed. No; thefates
have given me most of the luxuries of
life but these, of course, do not satisfy
me. The reason. why / wrote as I did
about payment for my articles was
SIMPLY because l thought if they were
good enough to print they were good
enough to be raid for. 1t seems | was
mist n; bnt to show you that 1 take
your ADVICE, [ send you another essay.
will ut. least try to secure foothold,
and pray that greater success may fol-
low.
a." / am, dear Madame, Monsieur, or
Mademoiselle Screven, sincerely yours.
"JANE BELL.
Laughing in my sleeve, sent this
communication off, and planned that.
II the assistant editor sent me friendly
reply, / would open correspondence in
my role OF Miss Jane Bell aud fool f. B.
Screvan as never a man had been fooled
before. Judge, then, Of my dismay,
when / received a letter, in what knew
was ScTeven's writing, but not written
on Office paper, and signed Frances Der.
tram Screven. A woman, by Jove p
( exclaimed, there and then in the post
office, whereat small boy, who was
standing nigh, nearly swallowed in as
constituent the postage-stamp he was
licking. thrust the letter In my pocket
and did not read it until was safely at
home. Thus the missive ran:
DEAR Miss BELL Your piquant let
ter prompts me to write you reply,
not as an assistant editor, but as wom-
man like yourself, who Is, tolling up the
steep path that leads to Parnassus. I
might have known you were woman.
and young one at that, because. al
though there is a touch of masculine
strength in your essays and poems, still
there is, too, sweetness that is only
feminine. think that women more
often have this flavor of masculinitv
than men have anything of that tender
ness which is essentially and purely
feminine. Were / in position of au-
thority, l should very soon dismiss the
cut-and-dried hack writer's whose con-
tributions, although smooth and pol
ished, lack the freshness, the spontane-
ity, which is characteristic of the con-
trlbutlons we sometimes receive
from unknown writer's, and notably
IRON you. But you see I am merely an
assistant editor, and person of no con-
sequence at all, except as / am useful to
do the work, all the glory Of which goes
to the distinguished individuals whose
names are emblazoned at the head of
the paper. There that sounds bitter.
! am afraid; but, my dear Miss Bell. the
fates haye.not been so kind to me as to |
you, and it is not for fame write. but
for the wherewithal 70 keep me fed and
clothed. What makes it perhaps harder
is that [ have known what it is to have |
my bread and butter fresh and sweet :
eye. and honey with it, too-and, there !