The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-25
THE PARAGRAPH k'IEND.


Let me reilect-Sald the mirror.
After the ovation-Renovatlon
A finished writer--A dead author.
A successful case of prohIbition-Gov.
81. John.
There'was but one murder in Chicago
last Sunday
1t rains alike on the just and unjust; ex.
repr when the unjust haye borrowed the
umbrellas.
Let women be brought up 10 habits of
Industry and economy and learn to support
a husband, and the tramp nuisance will
soon cease.
Mrs. Langtry, 1t is said first conceived
She idea OF coming to this country on be-
ing shown II picture of Mrs. Lydia E. Pink.
ham h type OF American beauty.-Roch.
ester Post Erpress.~
Elk Gov, Young, Of Ohio, says that with
in ten or fifteen years there will be no Sun.
day ln'this country. MIR Young's effort to
start boom in New Jersey real estate is
too pable.-Chi. Tribune
A Lexington editor has invented q coal
oil can, but 1t is understood that 1t will
erve TO hold a certain other fluid as well,
nd he cXp2c's !. 20 10 popular WITH tha
pruiessiou.-AtLdIttaC OnSt.tutiOn.
A fashion exchange s US: There will
be no change in skirts during the winter
season." This will send the gaunt wolf
howl to the door of the poor washer
woman.
A book-agent had the misfortune to
break his leg AT u camp meeting IN Butler,
Ga, the other day, and, while the sympa-
thizers were gathered around, as two sur
gcons set the limb, he sold three copies OF
his book.
The bloodhound of the Uncle Tom
Cabin" company broke loose last week and
killed the donkey. The dog was rather
mean TO pick out the best actor in the
company.
Mr. New, Assistant Secretary of the
Treasury, told reporter that the stories
concerning his contemplated resignation
did not contain word Of truth. As MIR.
New is an Indiana man II is difficult TO
see why this statement should have been
made-Ch6. Tribune.
Miss Thompson, of Indianapolis, was
forbidden by her parents to encourage Van
Horn as sutton, as he was a irunkard.
She would not give him up, and eloped
with him. He got drunk OH the night Of
Their marriage, at Columbus hotel, and
she took train for home, convinced That
, ne old folks were right Aha
Elk Secretary Blaine said to personal
friend IN Boston Friday: II wish II dis.
llnctly understood that | am not candi.
date for the presidency or any other pOliti
cal office, and nothing can induce me to
become such. "-EG.
MIR. Blaine apparently forgets what the
rustic maiden said: Nobody axed you,
kind sir, she SAID"
PATHETIC CASE.
No word was spoken when they met,
By either-sad or gay;
And yet one badly smitten vas,
Twas mentioned the next day.
They met by chance this autumn eye,
With neither glance nor BOW,
They often came together So
a freight train and COW.
Arkansas Horse Shoe.
The sunflower is no longer aesthetic.
The London Lsve Stock Journal has killed
it with the statement that the suntloweI oil
is greatly used for adulteratlng salad oil,
and that the leaves Of the plant are largely
employed IN the adulteration of tobacco.
The oil is supposed to be unsurpassed as
a lubricant, and soap made from it is une-
qualled for sottening the skin.
Ex.Judge Nourse, addressing a jury at
Des Moines, quoted as the wellknown
words Of Martln Van Buren," the lines:
There is tide in the affairs OF man
Which, taken at the food, leads on to
fortune.
The opposing counsel, ex.Judge Cole,
slyly interjected the remark that he never
would have supposed Van Buren, guilty of
plaglarizing Byron.
Health journals insist upon rcposing on
the right side only, and claim that 1t is in
furious 70 lie on both sides, but We don't
know where they will find healthier set
OF men than lawyers.-7oledo american.
THE VOTERS HARVEST
Why leaps my heart with bounds of Joy?
Why is the world 80 bright?
Why seems life's cup without alloy?
Why Ayeth sorrows mighty
Why are my troubles all effaced?
Why care not rap?
It's cause the candidates have placed
Their little barrels on tap.
Fifteenth Warder,
Among other astounding results Of the
late election is the sudden conversion OF
the stalwart Inter Ocean into an advocate
Of civil service reform. That journal now
boldly says: "Ihe Democracy in congress
should lose no time in passing Senator
Pendleton's civil service reform bill"
The willy editor of the Coyuqa Chief
filled his larder with delicious pumpkin
pies by the following sharp editorial
dodge: