The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-04
WHY WE LAUGH.
The buzz-sAw Is no modern invention.
Just lock At the Venus Of Milo.--1mner
FdIls RepOrter

The buzz-sAw Is no modern invention.
Just look At the Venus Of Milo.--Iarner
Falls Reporter.
How would the world have been affected
If the freight handlers had struck when Noah
was loading up the Ark?
Beef Is so SC. rce and high that gentle
man of this city Is having . sirloin steak set
for breast tpin.---Boston Courier.
Patrick, dressing for party--"Bedad, now,
and l shan't be sble to get on these ooots
till I've worn them atoime or two."
"Tug" Wilson thus soliloquizes this morn
ing as he handles his $40 600 In cash: "ltis
better to have gloved and won, than neverto
hav. gloved At ll."--Philddetphia Bulletin.
The city Of Alexandra had three daily
ne wspapers when the bombardment began,
bnt not one single reporter stayed after the
second shot. They don't draw salaries over
there for writing anything worse than run
| away.
The liver pad agent asked Missouri edi.
| tor to give him 500 worth Of advertising ana
take his pay In liver pads, aud the editor was
very emphatic In his inquiry: "What sort o.! OF
condition do YOU think my liver is in, sir P"
boston Post.
Mems nightgowns are now built with pock-
cts in. This will fill . want long felt by
commercial travellers who have heretofore
been compelled to claw around under their
pillows when they nesded their hask.-Com-
mercial Bulletin.
"Children," said Boston school examiner
after hearing some essays read, "you shouid
never use q proposition to end sentence
with" "Isn't with . prepositionr r' asked
the girl whose composition gave rise TO the
correction.-Free Press.
A congress of architects will meet in Rome
In December. The problem for discussion
will be, how to put five closets and bay
window In every apartment, have ali the
rooms large, the ceilings high, the staircases
wide. easy, but short, and yet the whoie
business In small wo-and-a-half-story cot
tage, with msnssrd roof.
The cost of trip around the world is now
only $500 dollars. One Of these days we
are going to write up whole lot Of timely
and soul searching editorials ahead, get
pair of long. legged rubber boots aud make
bridal tour by ourself around the globe.
Nothing has prevented us heretofore Out the
fear of wet feet.-BOomerdng
A Texan stepped into Philadelphia tom
| 9OTlAl SAlOOH W HBNC hoh ~" A"~ -
ciating artist having enveloped his victims
neck iu towels and compressed him securely
In the chair, opened the conversation by say
ing: "You are . little nervous, sir, per.
ceive. Allow me to say that our Capillary
Elixir not only covers bald heads with
luxurious growth of hair, but calms the mind
and restores the whole nervous system to
healthy equilibrium. What do you do for
nervousness In Texas?' The representative
of the Lone Star State looked up serenely
and answered: 1--WE usually 60 out and Kill
barber"
They were engaged to be married, and
called each other by their first names, Tom
aud Fanny, and he was telling her how be
had always liked the name Of Fanny, and
how IL sounded like music In his ear. ~
like the name so WE'LL" he added, as sort
of clincher to the argument, ''that when sis
ter Clara asked me to name her pet terrier
at once called 1t Fanny, after you, dearest.
T II don't think that was very nice," said th'
fair girl, edging away from him; show woult
YOU like to have q dog named after you 7
i.Why, that's nothing" said Tom, sirily
"half the cats In the country are named al
. ter me-" They don't speak now.