The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1882-11-16
"De Mortuis Nil Nisi Bonum."

why should we "say nothing but
good of the dead?" Of all the ignorant,
silly and absurd maxims ever manu-
tactured that one is the worst. Espe-
cially is it to be deprecated because 1t is
apparently prompted by kind, forgiv-
ing and generous spirit, and is, there
lore, calculated 10 appeal to the inno-
cent, the unthinking and the generous
minded. We will bet ducat that the
man who built that maxim was some
mean, small-souled scoundrel who was
guilty OF rascalitics that he wanted cov-
cred up when he died.
We believe in throwing the mantle of
charity over the dead, and when man
dies we do not believe in publishing to the
world all the frailties and eccentricities
OF his character that resulted in placing
him, during life. in jail or the Legisla-
ture. We do not believe that all lead
ing citizens after they die play on even
electro-plated harps, and we cannot un-
derstand that there is any sense in ex-
pecting public journalists to pretend
they believe the deceased was man Of
all-wool virtues, emitting him to glo-
rious immortality beyond the sunset
glow, where his creditors will cease
from troubling and the weary tax coll
When some insignificant A Alderman
dies, why should established custom de-
mand that the editor of the local paper
should array himself in sackcloth and O.
gum coat and write Il gorgeous obituary,
in which he tries TO show that the alb
sence of the deceased will leave the world
lop-sided, while he knows that he does
not believe what he says, and that the
readers do not believe it, and even the
deceased would not believe it. and
would blush to see it in type.
We can understand that it is scemly
thing for the living to refrain from rak-
ing up old grievances regarding the
dead, and letting bygones be bygones;
but it is entirely beyond our compro-
hcnsion why the living should pretend
to sec virtues in the dead that they
know the dead never possessed or had a
soul large enough TO appreciate. 1t is
true, however, that
"Custom does often reason oyerrule
And only serves for reason to the fool
we recall n circumstance that goes to
prove what u hollow sham obituaries
usually are. In the Office of the Duily
argus one night there was brought in
news of the death of local Justice of
the Peace. named Schumerhoff. The
managing editor told the local editor to
give the remains gilt-edged send
OIL 1h2 local editor was q compara-
tive stranger in the town aad had never
heard Of the deceased before. He
sharpened his pencil and began:
:" 1t is our painful duty to record the death
OF our esteemed townsman, Judge Carl SChu-
mcTh9 nclar fter lie died this evening at seven
which he bore with Christian fortitude
Then he turned to the night-dispatch
editor and said: "What kind of an old
landmark was Schumerhof'p''
"Old Schumerhoff! why he was a
common, listed Dutchman; made
money by parsimonious economy and
usury-a regular money-lending, two
percent month Shylock; came here
from Germany years ago. There arc
lots of people won't be bowed down
with grief when they hear he is gone"
Then the local editor continued the
obituary.
"Jud gc Schumcrhoff came from the Father
land when he was quite young. Although OF
an old and prominent family In Germany he
was poor, but by energy and enterprise COM
bincd with liberal, progressive policy in busi-
ness he amasscd handsome competenco. 1t
can truly be said of him that nc was tho
architect of his own fortune. Such men are
scarce in these days, and tho Judges place in
society and business circles will not 10 easily
filled. His death has cast q gloom over the
entire community"
Had he q family?'
Yes, and he used TO bang his wife
around and pound her black and blue
until she got divorce. but you need
not dwell on that point, you know, for
he was prominent citizen and we'll
Connected
The deceased was IN excllcnt husband, q
fond father and"
"How did you say his morals were 9'''
"Morals? he didn't have any. He was
a regular old rip"
IN useful and exemplary member OF society"
How was he politically?'
"Well, he used to be q red-hot Know
nothing, but lately he was o Green
backer"
Although we have been obliged to differ
portunity pass without paying ] st tribute
to Is sincerity. He was II man OF simpli ,ty
Of character and liberal ways IN political
matters"
"Did he ever hold any oflice?"
"No; never was anything but JUS
tice of the Peace. He was too unpopular
to be elected to anything, although he
was always running for something"
"And his many excellent qualities Of head
Gnd ncnrt cndcarod him to all who knew him.
His modest and unassuming manner prevented
him from taking that active purt In politics, or
resolving tho rewards OF Office, that his merits
and ability deserved"
Say, you might hint, in that obit-
uary, that old SchumcrhoT is having q
warm reception if he has gone to where
he deserves"
"Whie all that Is mortal OF Judge g. lies IN
the cold embrace OF death, at his late residence
the immortal has gone to put on immortality in
better land, where there awaits him the re-
wards Of an upright man. just Judge, and q
Christian citizen. Aftor life's fitful fever he
sleeps we'll"
And then old Schumerhoff had a
pompous funeral, q gildcd monument
and lying epitaph, all in keeping with
the obituary the ArguS puDlished.--
IeC0S Sitti1lQS.