The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-11-23
THE STORY OF A NOSE.

lam woman-hater, and of course, an
old bachelor, rather excentric-my
friends say decidedly eccentric.
had made up my mind at the age CT
seventeen to despise the sex. regard
ed them as interested and selfish, with
but one aim, and that was matrimony,
to accomplish which they would make
use of all sorts of receptions and arts,
until they had secured the victim. and
then, and not until then, they would ex
hibit their true colors. Hence, though
I had often been solicited by my friends
to make the acquaintance of very agreea-
BILE young ladies, had always strongly
refused. But ''mais revenons notre
mouton."
1 was one day walking along rather
musingly, when 1 came in sudden col
lision with two young ladies. made
rather hurried apology for running
against them, which they graciously re-
ceived, and then passed on. l looked
back at the young ladies accidentally,
and perceived that one of them was look
ing back also. She blushed slightly on
being discovered, and I blushed also,
without knowing why. There was, per-
haps something peculiar in her appear
ance. She was slightly made, had light
hair, blue eyes, rather melancholy
cast of features, and a very pretty
mouth. But let me come to the center
OF attraction, which was her nose. She
had one of the most ravishing noses that
mortal eyes ever beheld.
Reader, pray do not laugh here. 1t
was q very beau ideal of nose; it was
Grecian, as indeed, all her features were.
1 thought I could discover in the one
little organ all the elements of thought,
poetry, intellectually snd-no-not
love-I hate love. I had but a short
glance at it, but it seemed, even in that
little time, that her countenance under
went thousand changes, all of which L
ascribed to the power of her nose, sucb
an intellectual nose, nose that ''knows"
something; yet such miscellaneous look
ing nose, nose up to snuff--in short, a
feature to be sneezed with, but not to
be sneezed at. went to bed late that
night and dreamed of that nose.
I awoke early next morning, and de-
termined on an introduction to its pos
SCISSOR. was fortunate enough to fud
one of my friends who knew the lady in
question, and he undertook to present
me to her that evening. was in state
of restlessness bordering on distraction
until evening came. ran into the gar
den to look at the dial for all bachelors
have dials. liked mine better than q
clock; there was something in it's role
that reminded me of . jolly, sunny face;
40 ..~k. L., -
nose.
babe her goodbye, took my leave,
and hoped to have the pleasure Of fur
Their acquaintance. to which she kindly
responded.
The next day bought treatise on
Noseology, and being somewhat of a
trigonometricisn took my instrument to
find the precise proportions Of her nose
Having ascertained il to be an acute
angle triangle OF about forty degrees,
sailed out for walk, examining the
noses Of everybody met 80 particularly
that almost had mine pulled more than
once during the day for my supposed
impertinence.
At length the evening came. par
took Of . slight supper and some fruit.
chose that peculiar kind Of apple called
''sheep's nose" then took my friend !
arm, and sailed out in . very nervous
state Of mind. A few minutes walk
brought us to the douicile Of the y,une
lady, and / vas introduced TO her. Hell
name was Helen Somerville. I enieav
ored TO commence conversation, but fell
extremely awkward. We talked OF al
subjects. She laughed outright at m,
confusion more than once. ALI the time
however, was watching her NOSE
vss perfect. She jokingly asked me if
had seen the elephant. l told her yes, ane
commenced discussion on its probociss
We spoke about the classics. men
toned Cicero and Ovid;us Naso; thei
names pleased me. ''Beautifully chs
elsd," said I. still regarding the otjec
Of my sdmirs1ioa-
She then spoke shout love, and, lik
al young hdies. Tested about bschelof
ahiP. saying that the gentlemen eoul'
AeVer mt natsiod.
md = Il, aid I, ''ths diflculty
70 Ind . nose-I nenn . lady 10 sail
'fseilis dssssnsus Avsrni, - 1pvesas
enpana.'"