Daily Los Angeles herald., 1882-05-27
FUN, FACT AND FANCY.

There are 5000 brass bands In the
United States. And yet we send mis-
sionaries to the heathen.
A Boston horse car is named General
Butler. 1t is one of the easiest cars to
switch from one track to another on the
road.
Paris has now forty-five English or
American bars. There's no more need
of going thirsty in Paris than there is in
Maine.
Buffalo has got the baseball fever so
bad that man can't catch baby falling
from second-story window without
yelling Judgment"
'sWhy do Indians get drunk asks
the Temperance Woker. Because they
drink more whisky than they are gagged
for. Ask us hard one.
A Dublin paper contained the follow
ing: II hereby warn all persons from
trusting my wife, Ellen Flanagan, on my
account, as | am not married to her."
The venerable Kossuth has completed
his memoirs, the last volume having just
appeared. He makes in it a prediction
that Hungary will shortly separate her.
self from Austria.
The 2lst of April was the 2,635th an
niversary of the foundation of Rome.
The day was formerly celebrated, but
the practice has of recent years fallen
entirely into disuse.
EYES," said the country member, 81
went to that variety show because felt
sure there'd be nobody there who knew
me. burned if pretty much the whole
Legislature wasn't there!"
Some fellow in Colorado town sug-
gested that as the jamboree was held to
celebrate the completion of the water
works, they ought to take at least one
drink of water all around. Now you
know why he went home in suit of tar
and feathers.
A fashion writer of the female sex
says: SIN dress we are nothing but
monkeys" The writer may be an ex-
ception, but who ever saw q monkey at
tired in corset, a $40 hat, seventeen
button gloves, lot of false hair and
several hundred dollars worth of dry
goods?
A minister had occasion one Sabbath
to supply the pulpit of a neighboring
brother, whose wife was distinguished
for her extreme parsimony. On being
asked the next morning by the hospita
BILE lady of the mansion if he would eat
an egg for breakfast, he replied: eyes,
madame; l always eat one when l can't
get two."
The sister of wealthy st. Louis mer-
chant was dying in poorhouse. She
sent a message begging him to overlook
their estrangement. after she was dead,
and give her remains respectable
burial. He refused, and she was in
tered in the Potters field. Take your
choice. Blame him for cruelty or praise
him for consistency.
Young Mandamus was nettled at some
thing the Judge said, and, springing to
his feet, called out, with bitterly sar-
castle intonation, 'There is no law, your
honor, to prevent man making a fool
of himself, is there ?" And instead of
answering, the Judge looked at him
long, long time without saying anything,
and then he began to smile, and smiled
so long and pleasantly that everybody
else in the courtroom began to smile too,
and poor young Mandamus felt his
cheeks grow hot and hotter, and he sat
down, oh, very slowly, and felt that a
piece of whitening sarcasm had been
utterly thrown away and wasted on the
blind stupidity of a grinning old lunatic
who didn't know enough law to be a
judge at an agricultural horse trot. But
he didn't say SO. Somehow, he only felt
able to say that he didn't feel as he
could add anything to what had already
been said.