Iron County register., 1882-09-28
The Absurdities of Fashion.

OlQ MT. 1nlSuopOQ cllIaeH up the
broad stairway of marble and rosewood
leading to the high-backed, Queen-Anne
editorial rooms of The Hasok;eye, yes.
terday morning. His heavy tread fell
noiselessly upon the Pompadour velvet
carpets, and as he sank into a costly es-
critoire the perfumed light fell through
the stained glass tant naieur at the facade
of the managing editors ebranlensent
de cs1ir, touched the old mans face with
softened overmoulou, that seemed
like an echo from the stately renaissance
that looked down upon the walls. Care
fully moving the elegant Louis Quinze
passe- -partout where the old man could
not tip it over with his feet, il after his
usual habit he should choose to rest
them on the carved naduvis sajet, the
editor asked the honest tiller of the soil
how was crops in the Flint River coun-
try.
"Crops?" echoed the old man. swell
now I want to tell you about crops.
Corn's all right, an oats was better'n
usual an wheat just doomed, but you've
got a crop of fools in Burlington that'n
just lay over any other green thing that
ever drawed the cows in the State of
Iowa.
"Why, the towns full of 'em," shout
ed Mr.. Thistlepod, who labors under
the impression that he can't be heard
unless he talks very loud.
"How can you tell they're foolsp"
asked the society editor.
s'By their clothes," waved the old
man, and the society editor slid as far as
he could under the table and then laid
his face flat on his arm in order to write
more easily. s'By their clothes,'' re-
peated the sturdy old agriculturist. ss'Y
gaul, if a boy of mine 'uz to dress like
the young fellers see ia this town, I'd
beat some sense into him with a neck
yoke. Why it's redik 'lus; tell We, it's
redik'lus. l see young chap down in
the countin' room with pair o. trous-
ers on him tighter'n candle molds-I
hope to die # l didn't think he'd stuck
his laigs into couple O. snake skins.
M his coat-by jockies, it wasn't hard
ly long enough to cover his suspenders;
it wasn't, swanny. M it fit him clos
ter than his undershirt, and his shirt
collar sawed his years every time he
turned his head, m he wore his watch
chain outside his coat. An he wore a
fiat hat, with round top, about as big
as cooky. An his shoes! P'inted,
do We know, p'inted like toothpicks, m
they was long as pickaxes. To see him
skippin' around in that git up, lookin'
more like monkey nor a white man,
y gaul, it made me mad, m | swan 1
wanted to lick him. [ declare did.
They's no sense in Christian man
maxim such an outlandish spectacle of
himself, an if I ever ketch my boy
dressed up in any such dog-goned re-
dik'lus, absurd, disgustin' fashion, I'll
be gaul swizzled if hello, Jasper, are
ye waitin' for me?" -.
And saying good-by, Mr.. Thistlepod
accompanied his son down stairs to the
wagon. AS the old man turned to 90, he
did not in the least degree resemble the
ssyoung feIler" down in the counting
room. The big felt hat he wore had
originally been of some color, but that
was years ago. The blue merino band
sewed on with black thread was too
loose, and a twine string tied tightly
around it caused the hat to bulge out
above the band like the dome of a
mosque. The hickory shirt fastened at
the collar in severe simplicity with a
big horn button, scorned a collar of any
kind. The roomy brown vest had four
white bone buttons and black shawl
pin, and through the irregular reticula-
tions of its much abraded back the soli-
tary suspender showed through, reso-
lutely clinging to a button aft and nail
forward. The baggy blue trousers
swelled out below the Tapping vest into
an ample dome, strangely creased and
fearfully wrinkled, breaking, as the old
man walked, into awful billowy bulges
and humps, while one long, deep, dag
onal crease showed where the trusty
suspender, hauled taut from port to
starboard, held everything fast on the
quarter. Further down they bagged in
great curving pillows at the knees and
wrinkIed behind; they were brief, and
came to an untimely end about four
inches before they reached the top of the
shoe, and they ended abruptly; same
size all the way down and sawed square
off across the ends. The shoes were not
exactly pointed at the toes, and when
the old mans feet were not in them you
could't bet which way the shoes were
pointed. Jasper was attired in like
manner as his father, only being much
taller man his trousers were correspond
ingly shorter. As they passed through
the aesthetic decorations of the counting
room, the man in the lean pants laughed
sneeringly, and Mr.. Thistlepod laughed
tauntingly. The managing editor sank
back in his ermine cushioned .fear de
te,re.
sI am afraid" he sighed, YEARLY,
sthose two people are laughing at each
others clothes. .''-Burlingtoa HaWkeye.
Respect the Body.
A ,,,r;+o, ~. tho Roorfb rod Eo,,,o hoe