The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1882-04-12
a Drunken Telephone.

Last Monday the bell of our tel.
ephone rung violently at s O'Clock in
the morning, and when we put our
mouth to the mouthaphone. and asked
what was the matter, a still. small
voice, evidently that of a lady. said ::
Julia has got the warns, doctor"
We were somewhat taken aback. but
supposing Julia was going to an
discretionary fsh-picnic, We were
just going to tell her not to for
get to spit on her bait, when a male
voice cried: "Oh 60 to the devil,
will your We couldn't tell whose it
wac, but it sounded like tie clerk at
the Yarbrough House, and we sat
down. There is no man who will
go further to accommodate a friend
than We will, but by the great
Continental, there is something we will
not do to please anybody. As
we sat and meditated, the bell rang
once more, and then we knew that the
wires got tangled, and hat we were
ing to have trouble all day. 1t was a
busy day, too, and to have a bell ring
ing beside ones ear all day is no fun.
The telephone Is q blessed thing when
it is healthy; but when its liver is out of
order, 1t Is the worst nuisance on record.
When out of order that way you can
have lots of conversation that you are
not entitled to. For instance, we an
swered the bell after it had rung several
times, and s. sweet little female voice
said Are you going to receive to-
morrow" We answered that we were
going to receive ali the time. Then she
asked what made us SO hoarse? We told
her that we had sat In a draft from the
Citizens bank, and it made the cold
chlils run over us to pay it. That SEEM
ed to be satisfactory, and then she be-
gan to tell us what she was going to
wear, and asked if We thought it was
too cold to wear a loW-neck Dress and
elbow sleeves. We told her that was
what We were going to wear, and then
she began to complain that new dress
was too liPlD IN various, places that she
n4cctioneu, ami when the BOYS picked
US up of the floor aud batiled our tenn
pies, and we told them to take her
away, they thought We were crazy. If
we have done wrong in talking with a
total stranger, who took rs for a lady
friend, we are willing 10 die. We
couldn help it. For an hour we would
not answer the constant ringing of the
bell, but finally the boil futtered as
though a tiny biri had lit upon the wire
and was shaking its piumage. 1t was
not a ring, but IL was a tune, as though
an angel about Is years old, a blonde
aigel, wa handling the other end of the
transmitter, aud we felt as though it
was wrong Tor US to keep her in sus-
geuse, when she was evidently dying to
pour into our auicular ~appendage re-
marks that we ought to hear. And
still the bell did fut. We went to the
c~ornucOpia, put our ear to the toddy
stick. and said 'sWhat ATTEST thou,
darling; why dost thy hand tremble?
Whisper all thou feelest to thine old
Then came over the wire. and
into III mansard By q side window, the
following touching remarks: Matter
enough ! | have been ringing here un-
til | have blistered my hands. We
have got to have ten carloads of hogs 10y
day after tomorrow, or shut down"
1t was evident the telephone was
drunk, and we went out In the hall, and
wrote on a barrel all the afternoon, and
rave 1t full possession of the Office
.MilUaukee Sun.