davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

One part OF the baseball fever is
catching.
Cannibals sometimes have their
neighbors at dinner.
Hanlan has won $50, 900 by his skill
with the oars. That is what we call
good scullership.
Some traits run in families. Shakes
peares father, being illiterate, made his
mark. So did Shakespeare.
"Great Pains Taken" is the heading
of an advertisement in one of the dailies.
Probably some gentleman has eaten
whole watermelon.
Jones says that he used to be pro-
icient in halt-a dozen languages, but
that since marriage he is not even
master of his own tongue.
At the seashore, as usual, one wave
from woman's handkerchief will con-
tinue to attract more attention than
hundreds of waves from the ocean.
A teacher was trying to make Johnny
understand the science cf simple divi-
sion. "Now, Johnny" she said, ''if you
had an orange which you wished 10 di-
VIub Will your llbblo blobOls AOh AuOA
would you give her ?" johnny thought
a moment, and replied. "a suck"
The farmer in the grassy field;
Doth make the fragrant hay,
And as he pauses in his worE
Sings roundelay.
Oh, why does he behind the barn
So suddenly retireP
bee hath climbed his trousers leg
He's putting ct the fire.
Scrambled snakes eggs are the new
dish, and as yet there seem to be no
particular direction for preparing them
in the cook books. We would suggest,
however, that you go out into the coun-
try until you find nest with eggs. and
then, when the snake puts in its
appearance, it will come natural to you
to scramble some.
"Why, my DEAR" said poor little Mr..
Penhecker, with ghastly smile, "why
would the world without woman, lovely
woman, be like blank sheet of paperr'
Mrs. p, who had just been giving the
little man "a piece of her mind"
smiled and "couldn't think" "Why,
because, don't you see, love-" said the
long suffering one, SIT wouldn't even
be ruled"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13
The Mohammedan,s Messiah.

The Mohammedans await the coming
of their Messiah. He is called Moul-
Saa, the "Master of the Hour" or, as
some will have it, "The Ruler OF the
Moment The whole complex and
intricately ornate edifice of Arabic faith
and religious training is based upon
three books: The Koran, the CONVERSE
tions of the Prophet COLLECTED by his
disciples, the Sahaba), the Book of Sidi-
Khelil, which is to the others what the
Gemara is to the Mishns of the Tai
mud. 1t is in the second OF these
books, the Conversations, that we
find the prophets words regarding the
Messiah:
"a man shall come after me. His
name shall be the same as mine; that
of his father the same as the name of
my father, and that of his mother the
same as the neme of my mother. He
will resemble me also in his character,
but, not in the features of his face. BY
him <be earth shall be filled with JUS
tice and equity"
Two hundred and twenty millions OF
Mohammedans. from occidental Africa
to farthest India, await the coming OF
the Just One.
The Maady, or false Prophet, who
recently smote the Egyptians hip and
thigh at Kordotan, claims to be this
Messiah.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13
MY Little NeIghbOr.

You came to live near us
One bonnie spring day;
The next sunshiny morning
Amorning in May
heard you a-gardening
Over the way.
But between, like Fae's bsttlement,
Grim rose the wall,
And you were 80 little,
And was not tall
Should 1 shout?. Would you answer
What name could call ?
1 hate the man
Who had built the wall there.
climbed with the aid
OF a venerable chair
A diminutive Romeo
Scaling your stair.
The ledge laid over
All, such wee thing
Like restless white butterfly
Light on the wing;
Hair gold as the primrose
That blossomed in spring.
Your rake dropped, your sun-hat slipped
Of your bright head.
care you the boy next door2"
You solemnly said. .
nodded, slid over the wall,
Radiant and red
Oh, my wife, in Life's garden
We linger to-day;
Many SHOWS, many May-blooms
Have kissed gold to gray,
Since wooed my wee neighbor
Over the way.
x. Temple More, IN Our Continent.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13
Boys Wanted.


Boys Of spirit, boys of will,
Joys Of muscle, brain and power,
Fit 10 cope with anything
These are wanted every hour.
Not the weak and whining drones
That all trouble magnify;
Not the watchword Of "I cart"
But the nobler ono, "I'll try"
Do whate'er you have TO do
With true and earnes zeal
Bend your sinews to the task,
Put your shoulder TO the wheel.
Though your duty mAy be hard,
Look not ON II as an i'll;
Ifit be an honest task,
Do IL with an honest will.
At tie anvil or the farm,
'Nheresoever you may be,
From your future efforts, boys,
Comes nations destiny.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13

land TO come to this land of sun and
flowers, that they may SOW the seed Of
their different religious sects. On the
"bluff" also is the home Of the rest
ing-plsce of those who have learned the
secret of the hereafter, and who have
no further need OF priest or physician.
On the most elevated plateau of the
reservation dedicated to the dead, is q
granite obelisk, about six feet square
and some twelve feet in height, stand
ing on granite base eight feet square
and four feet high. On its four sides is
told the story Of the loss Of the United
States steamer Oneida, with all on
board. On the east side Of the obelisk
is this inscription:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13

A trade journal gives directions for
preserving harness." Preserved har-
ness may be considered very palatable
by those who like that sort Of thing,
but We don't want bit in our mouth
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13

The leading industries of Pittsburg
required, last year, $40, 900, 900 capital,
employed nearly $1,000 hands, and
turned out over S84, 000 900 OF nstnra
and manufactured merchandise,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13

Sir Francis Lycett, OF London, left by
his will 81, 100000 to built Wesleyan
chapels in Great Britain, and the will
being contested by nephew it was, a
few weeks ago, sustained.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13
RATES OF ADVERTISING.

Legal notices at established ratea
Marriages and death notices grAtia
All bills for yearly advertisements collected
quarterly. Temporary advertisements must be
paid for in advance
Job work, cash on delivery.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-09-13

In Memory
of the
Officers and Men
Who went down with the
U. 8. s. Oneida
When that vessel was sunk
While homeward bound,
By the steamship
Bombay,
In Yaadn bay. Ianan. Jan. "a. 1870
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23

One day two residents of Deals Is
land, Nd, were out fishing. They had
padded and rowed in the hot sun
oil the afternoon without even
getting nibble, and they had
Just anchored to try their luck again
when the Rev. Joshua Thomas, the IA
nous Methodist minister, came along
padding in his canoe. Now, it seemed
as if one of the men had long been the
subject of the reverend gentleman 8
prayers, without avail, however. As
he came up he saluted them with
"Well, brethren, what luck?" bad
enough, Parson Thomas; bad enough"
replied one of the men. "Now, look
yer, Parson Thomas, you pray an we'll
fish" '.Done"' quickly responded the
good man. He tied his canoe to post
and went down on his knees. Over
went their lines. The parson poured
forth his prayers in earnest, not forget
ting to put in word for the salvation
of the souls of the men. Presently, ex-
cited and enthusiastic, one of the men
Strengthened himself up and exclaimed:
stop right thar, Joshua Thomas; I've
got a bite; I'll jine your congregation"
Sure enough, the first fish for that day
was large sun-perch, honestly be-
lieved to have been caught under the in
spiration of that prayer Wilmington,
DEL. Erery Erenilag.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
Anecdote of Ben Butler,

Here is an anecdote that was told mo
at the table the other day by lady who
said that her husband, though q Repub-
lican, was going to vote for him because
he wanted to give the old man a
chance A plainly dressed woman,
evidently in mental distress, presented
herself at his law office one day, and
his Secretary, in the outer Office, told
her that the General was engaged inside
and could not possibly see her. MAY
l come tomorrow, then?" she tremul-
ously inquired. mo; he is going to
Washington tomorrow" She sat a
few moments, with evident reluctance
to yield her hope, and presently MIR.
Butler came out and passed through the
ante-room to go to luncheon. One of
his shrewd eyes caught the timid figure,
and he paused before her and asked her
in rapid but kind words, if she wanted
to see him. THAT is what came for"
she said wistfully. Estate your business
very briefly, and l will see what can be
DONE" he said, ushering her into his
consulting-room. She told him sad
story of conjugal sorrow, through a
selfish and tyrannical husband, who had
got from her the little fortune left her
by parents, and not only did not sup
port her, but abused her. He said:-
"Now, madam, if l inquire into this
case, shall find that you, after all, are
the one to blameP Are the facts exactly
as you represent them to me, and have
you been to him good and true wife?"
''God knows l have tried to be, and
that all have told you is true" she
answered fervently, and drawing out
$50 she said: II have borrowed this, to
come to you with, and I'm sorry it is
not more; but do take it, and see if you
cannot set me free from him." The
General waved back the hand which of
fered the pitiful sum, and said: II will
undertake your case, but your money is
no object to me. am not in need OF
it, but would like to help you" He
returned in due time from Washington,
took hold of her case, which was so clear
that he easily secured the divorce and
recovered SIG, 900 of her patrimony fol
her: and even then he would accept no
fee, neither did he make any overtures
even of friendship toward her, beyond
mere business-like humanity-the hui
mainly of a busy, absorbed. but not un.
generous man. l have heard several
anecdotes of him here as favorable as
this, and in Washington he is known rs
a man of great kindness to the poor and
the dependent. letter in Boston Jour-
nal.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
A Maddened Barber,

A man with n long white robe hang.
ing down in front of him, towel
around his neck and spouting lather,
dashed out of c street barber's shop
yesterday morning.. He was chasing
the barber, and his countenance was in
famed with fury. He was too angry to
interview, and the Chronicle reporter
sought an explanation elsewhere. The
man keeps saloon and drinks good
deal. He likewise has a fondness for
cheese and onions. Several days ago
the barber, whose face had suddenly
blanched, said to this patron, as he
paused in his occupation of lathering
him:
"Meeshtah, Wilkins, oof you don'd
shtop talkin', l can'd shafe you?n
"Why notp" demanded Mr., Will
kins.
because you hcf breath vot would
a horse knock down.
There was silence after this, but yes
terday Mr. wilkins went again, not
withstaudnS, and As he lay back in the
chair he chatted affably to the barber.
That artist turned pale again, and his
eyes began to glitter with baleful
light.
"Don'd hef told you, Mccshtah Viii
kins. dot can't shtand dot BREATH"
"Oh, 90 on, go on" said Mr.. Will
kins goodhumoredly; don't bother
about my breath"
''Don'd shpeak den," growled the
barber. who resumed the lathering.
Say" recommended the rccumbent
saloonster.
VOTE
Ibid you read that diff Postmaster
Atkinson gave the Dutch the other
day."
'Don'd told you to keep shtill?"
cried the barber, reeling as the soggy
breath hit him.
Pretty tough on the Dutch" con-
tinued Mr.. wilkins. Now, if was .
Dutchman, and anybody"
'Dem it, take dotm yelled the bar
Der, jabbing his loaded lather-brush
square into the open mouth of his Gus
toner and rushing from the shop.
When the chase referred To occurred,
wilkins, hampered by his heavy breath,
was unable to catch the barber, who
got away safely, and now goes heeled
with razor and nostril stopper. Tr-
ginia CITY, Nec., Chronicle.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
OTTAWA FREE TRADER; SATURDAY, DEFENDERS rs, 1882

literary pursuits only - became luna.
tics. We presume the others were given
the benefit of the doubt and called
poets.
A Vermont lawyer has printed a
book to prove that the world is fifty
million years old, and there is no reason
why people shouldn't live thousand
years. Probably they don't just out Of
sheer idleness.
An illiterate California millionaire
,isited Europe. A travelled friend
asked him what he had seen, mention
ing all the noted sights; among other
places he inquired if he had seen the
Dardanelles. "Oh. yes" replied old
money bags; 'they dined with us the
last night we were in Paris"
Police Commissioner Nichols has a
curious finger-ring with the ten COM
mandments engraved on it in such
small characters that they can only be
read with the aid of a microscope. Peo-
pie who know him we'll are of the opin-
ion that he has lost his microscope.
The London Lancet says that the peo-
pie who sneeze often are healthiest. A
sneeze sets the blood circulating and
throws off q cold which is trying to set
tie. This medical opinion is evidently
made in the interest of snuff, and the
public is not yet up to it.
The counsel for the railroad company
has been settling with the widows Of
two guards who had been killed in the
company's service. "Oh, sir" says one
widow, lit seems to me you could allow
me more than thatr' 1--WE cannot,
madam. Your husband was guard, like
the other, and he came to his death I'M
der similar circumstances; they were
both run over and instantly killed"
II know; but he was killed by the light
ming express, and the other man was
run over by a way-freight!" -Rail,0ay
keUieW.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
Interesting Facts About Hair.

Whether the hair should be cut
never could quite satisfy myself As a
physiological practice, l seriously doubt
the propriety. Every cutting is a
wounding, AND there is some sort Of
bleeding in consequence, and waste of
vital force. think it will be found
that long-lived persons most frequently
wear the hair long.
The cutting of the hair stimulates to
q new growth to supply the waste.
Thus the energy required to maintain
the vigor of the body is drawn off to
make good the wanton destruction. 1t
is said, know, that after the hair has
grown to y certain length it loses its Vi
tally at the extremity, and splits or
"brooms up" Whether this would be
the case if the hair should never be cut
l would like to know. When it is cut
fluid eXudeS, and forms a scab or cca-
trix at each wounded extremity, indicat-
ing that there has been injury.
Women and priests have generally
worn long hair. lnever could imagine
why this distinction was made. The
ancient priest was very often unseyed
or devoted to Il vow of celibacy, but |
cannot surmise whether that had any,
thing to do with it. Kings wore their
hair long in imitation of Samson, and
the golden Sun-God Mithias. | sus-
pect from this that the first men shorn
were slaves and laborers; the freemen
wore their hair unmutilated, rs the
crown OF perfect manhood and man.
illness. If this be correct, the new era
OF freedom, when it ever shall dawn,
will be characterized by men unshorn
as well as women unperverted.
l wish that ON science and our civili-
cation had better devices for preserving
the integrity of the hair. Badness is
deformity, and premature whiteness a
defect. If the head was in health, and
the body in proper vigor, l am conf
dent that this would not be. am APP
prehensive that our dietetc habits occa-
sion the bleaching of the hair; the stiff,
arsenic-prepared hat is responsible for
much of the badness. Our hats are
unhealthy, from the tricks of the hat
tiers. l suppose there are other causes,
however. Hereditary has its influence.
Certain diseases wither the hair at its
roots; Others lower the vitality of the
skin, and so depilate the body.
acknowledge that the shingled head
disgusts me- 1t cannot be Wholesome.
The most sensitive part of the head is
the back, where the neck joins. That
place, exposed to unusual cold or heat,
is liable to receive an injury that will
be permanent, if not fatal, in short
period. The whole head wants protec-
ton, and the hair affords this as no 9TH
er protection can. Men have boards
because they need them, and it is wick
ed to cut them Off No growth or part
of the body is superhuous, and we
ought, as candidates for health and lone
life, to preserve ourselves from violence
or mutilation. Integrity is the true
manly standard. DR.. Wilder IN the
Medical Tribune.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
Waiter Girls in Germany.

Mo-, ~ - Ills ni g." r'..t.: j. -
astonishing now alihe everything is the
world over. In these beer halls the
waiter girls who have plump, shapely
arms wear short sleeves, while those
whose arms are very thin and not at all
shapely wear long sleeves, holding that
short sleeves are immodcst.
This conversation probably occurs
between girls of the two types, the
plump and the scraggy.
You are entirely right. Bertha dar-
ling; short sleeves may be immodest.
On such arms as yours. my love, they
would be positively indecent"
And then they wouldn't kiss each
other, and move off as on campaign
against incoming thirst. But Pauline,
the plump, would laugh saucy laugh,
and Bertha. the skinny. would assume a
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23

very saucy look. Likewise those who
are too plain to attract the attention of
customers are very severe upon flirting,
and have no hesitation in asserting that
the pretty ones are bold, pert things.
1t makes but little difference in what
country people are born they are sons
and daughters of Adam and Eve, and
Adam and Eve runs through them all.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
Tho town Of Dunlap. Morr

II" town Of Dunlap, Morris county.
J. .... -. ~ b, r..er"l cp'oGi>r-, az,
met Win remarkable prosperity. There
are now between 275 and 800 families
gathered there. Every settler is COM
PEELED to own his property, so there is
neither land nor buildings to rent.
Lots or land of various sizes, from 100
to 100 acre, are sold, and the terms of
payment are so arranged that the new
settler has four years in which to pay
for land and improvements. About l7j
families have each from forty to eighty
acres. A line academy is in successful
operation, q church is well filled on
Sundays, and a public library is pop
ular evening attraction.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
Improved Farms for Sale.

Desiring TO improve a large tract Of land recently
purchased. | offer for sale the following improved
farms In Western Iowa:
1000 Acre Earm-Secton q and west hall
Section 23 township 80. range g. In Woodbury. coun'
IS. six miles from Correconville six hundred acres
improved house, stable corn crib, etc; $500 per
acre.
BIO Acre F'arm-Secton p. Township ~,
Range 49, Plymouth county, 81 miles from town; all
under civilizations house, stable, corn crib, and
granary with capacity for so bushels wheat se2 W
per acre,
$40 Acre E'arn-SectiUn 81, Township 80,
Range g; all under cultivation; new house, ccst
e. co. granary, capacity 1000 bushcle wheat corn
crib, stable. pasture, etc; t26 0O per acre
All are choice. selected land especially adapted for
stock raising. The Farms were improved and farined
by myself for two three years. All are In good.
clean conditions this seasons fall blowing done; hay
ard grain on premises. All have Hrtng spring Of
water, besides good well.
have In addition some 200 a ores In quarter
and half sections In the same vicinity, Wild partially
improved.
TERMS to cash; balance Of principal In 5, and
years; titles perfect.
For further Information address
ID. T.. PAULLiN,
deco Cherokee Cherokee county lows.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
A Good Chance.

ihave fTst.class Wheat Farm, 81 miles from Camr.
bell MINI, 200 acres, fall powed and ready for seed,
ing In the spring-good house and stabling on the
premises located the banks Of beautiful little lake
OF bright, clear water, besides wells and other i'm
prOyements, which want to rent to good farmer
on terms which cannot fail 10 be profitable TO him /
will be in Ottawa all winter and can be found by en-
curing at this Office Any desiring TO test the
producvcness Of the soil Of the Fed River Valley will
mud n 10 ms advantage to see Inc o. soon conye
u,cnt. fuCt2f) MOSES OSNAE
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23

John Goden, 69i 2lst street, Chicago, III.
ssys: Browns Iron Bitters is the best tonic
have ever used"
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1882-05-15
TO STATE TAN PAYERS.
City Trcasurer's Office,
Room No. 2 Market Building,
Alexandria. Va. Nav 18th. 1882.

Alexandria, Va, May 18th, 1882.
Allpersons who have not paid their State taxes
for the year 1881. will please take notice that /
am compelled to settle my accounts for that year
with the State on the 18th day of June, and to
enable me to do so, must collect the taxes now un
paid. and unless these bills are paid by the LIST
instant, shall enforce their payment without
further notice Voters will bear in mind that
they must pay their capitation tax for 1881, to
entitlc them to vote in the May and November
elections. Merchants and others engaged in bust
ness who have received certificates of their State
licenses from the Commissioner of Revenue are
hereby notified that under the law they re-
qurtd to present the same at this Office and pay
the amount \ failure to do SO renders them liza.
he to fine fds doing business without a license.
.E&. NJ. b. HARLOW
City Treasurer.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1882-05-15

Have received the latest styles of Spring
Shoes, ut the lowest prices. D. Ruben &
Co., Is King street. -