Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-02-05
TODSBURY's COW.
What She Cost Her Master.
New Orleans Times- Democrat


Nathaniel" said Mrs. Todsbury to her
husband, ~ think the family would be a
great deal healthier if we had a cow to fur
nish new milk. The nasty, chalky mixture
we get from the milkman is simply abomi-
nable. Mrs. Goldman has just purchased
an excellent cow, and Mrs. Bowman told me
that she was going to get one, and, Ma
thaniel-"
my DEAR" interrupted her husband, ga
COW is too expensive and too troublesome
to keep; besides, in the summer time the
neighbors are always complaining about the
flies to the police.
Mrs. Todsbury beat the carpet with her
foot angrilN burst into flood of tears and
declared that no matter how slight was her
wish it was never gratified. The result was
that Todsbury picked up his hat, dashed out
of the house, and visiting the newspaper Of
fees advertised for good, gentle mich
COW.
The next morning a ed-headed man, with
o nose looking like corrugated tomato, and
leading brindle-colored muley COW by
rope, appeared at the Todsbary domicile.
The man said the COW furnished about
water-bucket full of milk twice day, and
was worth not cent less than $50. Tods-
bury, after considerable objections, final
| ly paid the man the money, and the
| cow was duly installed in the wood
shed and food provided for her. The next
morning Todsbury visited the wood shed
for the purpose of viewing his new pur-
chase, and, failing to notice that the gate of
| the yard leading to the street was open,
turned the cow out of the wood shed, in
tending to allow her to exercise her limbs.
She did SO. The first exercise she INDUCED
in was to pound MIR. Todsbury in the stom-
ach. split his coat and pants in the back,
and hurl him backward into a wood pile,
after which she dashed through the open
gate into the street, where she conceived
that she was revolving battering- ram, and
that the entire world was her enemy. As
soon as the crazy idea entered her
head she hoisted her tail as
a bottle-fy and galloped down
the street with an eye to business. Seeing
quite crowd congregated on the sidewalk,
she concluded it was time for the battle to
commence, and opened on the enemy. AT
the first fire an aristocratic old bondholder,
with white beaver hat and large stomach,
was struck in the watch pocket and fell with
a crushing thud upon coil of barbed wire
standing in front of q store near by. The
COW, realizing the advantage she had at
tanned by the sudden onslaught, and beliey-
ing that victory was now within her grasp,
double-shotted her bow battery and bel
lowed with Joy. The next time she pulled
the trigger boy with sore toe and man
with long ladder on his shoulder went
down in a heap.
The din of battle, the howls of the
wounded, mingling with the victorious
war-whoops of the cow, made the street IN
usually lively at that time of the day. The
COW, seeing that she had successfully turn
ed the left-wing, blazed away at the right
Two commercial drummers q hoop. skirt,
an old-school Presbyterian, and set of
false teeth covered the sidewalk like por-
Gus plaster, and plainly indicated that the
shot had raked the frightened enemy fore
and aft.
Brave men who marched into the fame
of belching cannon without trsmor of
fear, skinned their legs getting upon high
fences where the view was better, and yelled
to the crowd to knock the dickens out OF
the darn cow with clubs and stonecoal.
The crowd, however, having the same de-
sire to obtain good view, cooned their
way up trees and shed-posts and informed
the brave men that they could step to
Arkansas. In few moments, the street
was cleared and the COW continued her
charge in search of new conquests, and was
finally landed in the pound Todsbury, fol
some time after, kept quite busy trying tt
compromise the damage suits which person.
brought against him who had suffered from
the pugnacious propensities of his COW
After a great deal of trouble he sold tn,
COW for $50, and managed to settle tn
damage suits by paying out nearly $500.