St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-05-26
SqsIibS.

w dSIlll8IOn scene . DttD-NOlttu
guzzler-"Hi, waiter bring me three
more schoOnersw Awe-struck spec
tators, whispering THAT must be
the new Secretary of the Navy
Louisville COurier-JOurnal
"Gentlemen of the jury" said De
troit lawyer, "there were just 36 hogs
in the drove just three times as many
as are in that jury box, gentlemen
And he lost the case because of his
love of mathematical clearness.
The reputation of Illinoisdns for
hard drinking appears to be spreading.
The House of Representatives "burst
into IA roar of laughter" when Mr.. Cox,
pointing his finger ut Townshend, of
Illinois, said whoever drinks the
whiskey pays the tax, and the gentle
man from Illinois knows it,"
Fogg- are you, Charley 2
What are you doing nowadays ?"
Charley -"Oh, trying to earn an hon
est living Fogg9"Wem, how do
you make out ?" Charley -"Much as
ever | make out at all" Fogg-
''Don't be down hearted, Charley
you're new to the business, you know
you'll do better by and by"
Angus Mcdonald, whose head was
shot off his cap at the battle of Water
lOO-Or whose cap was shot off the bat
tie ut the head of WaterloO-Or whose
waffle was shot off his BaterloO at the
head of his cap-Or whose cap-Well,
he's dead, anyhow, at the age of one
hundred and six years.
"Wanted, a distinguished and heal
| thy-loOking man to be ii cured pa
tient' in "A doctors waiting-rOom. Ad-
dress |. B. r., Poste Restante. y
French Advertisement.
A man went into drug store and
asked for something to cure head
ache. The druggist held bottle of
hartshOrn to his nose, and he was
nearly OverpOwered by its pungency.
As soon rs he recovered, he began to
rail at the druggist, and threatened to
punch his head. "But didn't it help
your headache ?" asked the apOthecary.
''Help my headache :" gasped the man.
81 haven't any headache. It's my
wife that's got the headache"
A stingy family: "But why did you
! leave your last place ?" asked Mrs.
young person, with toss of her shape
less head, ''they was that mean that
there was no livin' wild 'em. If you'll
behave it, mum, twas only yister that
| wint Until the parlor and there was
two of the gurruls "A playin' on one
peeany and their father rich enough to
buy a dozen and niver fale it p Bos-
ton Transcript.
Tam Ito countryman who is driving
a horse and Cart. "Whar ye gaun
the day, Jock ?" Jock-"Um gaun
tae the station for 40 pianos" Tam
aye mean pianO-fOrte." Jock
''Weel, whit's the difference 7"
The man who goes fishing, and sits
i'll a cramp-inviting position on a mar
row thwart from early morn to dewy
eve, and calls it cline" is the same
man who never goes to church be
cause the pews are not comfortable.
Scene: A Chinese Sunday school
not far from this office. Time: The
end of the session. Pupil-(who has
been taught that day by gentleman J.
"Me no likee teacher" Superintend-
old gal y [Congregationalist.
"If was in your place." said New
Haven housewife to Il fish-peddler,
"I'd throw away that horn or else
learn new tune. It's perfectly dis
tressing." Madame" said the pur-
veyOr of brain phosphOrous, with be-
coming dignity, "with the limited time
at my disposal and the extreme low
price of shad, it is impossible for me
to favor my patrons with "a cOrnet obi
cato on every street, but | try to make
the few strains | attempt acceptable
and attractive to the cultivated ears of
the vicinity. If ! fail ! make it up on
the quality of my shad. Six pounds :;
fifty five cents. Thanks. . New Ha
ven Register.
And now the soft, sweet, balmy days
come floating along, shOwering roses
in the fields, and making the birds
sing on the budding bOughs of the or
chards. The brooks are beginning to
pu-l, and the stage driver is laying
aside his army overcOat and getting
his straw hat in condition. The far
mer is raising lettuce, and the hotel
man is raising his rates. The wood
man is cutting down the maple, the
old lady is cutting down the paternal
overeoat to make the boys trousers,
and the yellow dog is cutting down
the street with kettle. But never
f mind, it is not necessary to go into de-
tails; summer is coming, and that is
j all we started out to say Puck.