The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1882-06-16
YUSSY YAScIEs.

When is an estate like a watch Z |
When it Is wound up.
BARRIERS and Hatterers say "tbere Is
lotbing like Isther."
IL was the police justice who said
his was q world Of trials.
The telephone has developed an en-
.ire!y new school Of hello-cntion. a
Why was Ruth very rude to Boaz
Because she pulled bis ears and trod
On his corn.
In the spring-time carpets remind a
man Of his creation. They are made
Of dust.
Clsrgymen pretend 70 discourage
lying, and yet go ahead aud ask women
their ages.
Beef" says butcher, "has never
been so high since the COW jumped
over the moon"
One Of the leading ministers Of Bos.
ton plays the violit. a sort Of fiddle
d. d., so TO speak.
No man knows whether be is insane
or not until he makes a will what
doesn't suit bis relatives.
Why are balloons in tho air like
vagabonds 2 Because they have no
visible means Of support.
IL Ia better TO climb a tree aud wait
than 70 keep on running when you find
the dog is gaining on you.
"You are not fond Of money for
itself = "ob, no. said Johnsonburg,
81 am fond Of it for myself"
"KnOw tbyself' may be an excellent
proverb, but some people woaldn't
know 30 very much if they obeyed it.
Recent boarding house Statistics lead
to the conclusion that butter was in
vented by Mr Strong Of ancient Greece.
A steamship Captain has been try
ing TO improve the bed Of the sea by
throwing mattresses into New York
harbor.
A Cincinnati woman knocked her
hus'and senseless with a copy of the
Bible. Ths old version is good and
strong yet.
A Western paper reports the birth
Of male child with wings. Probabis
nature inteHtled him for bank cashier
only one nan in ninety.two is near
enough to put a long blonde hair OF
the shoulder Of man whose wife is :
brunette.
Prosperity makes few friends" say
q French writer. II we cant hav,
both, we'll try and pull through will
the prosperity.
The Brunswick Telegram gives as Al
exact copy Of a bill, rendered the fol
lowing "To a os a af da 81
fechin on i'm ON agrin So"
cit has always been my aim in lif
to initiate n good example" as the cour
terteiter remarked while working on
new set Of dies.
| A "strictly neral circus" is advertil
ed in the Kansas papers, which give
"nine hours Of solid entertainment col
densed into two"
A Delaware editor, wh0 is also
physician, offers as an inducements I
new subscribers, to vaecinate ever
enc who will take his paper.
A contemporary complaint Of +
J cent election in a learned society. ("
man, it says, "has been chosen WI
was noteriously unknewn !"
A writer on physiognomy woul
like to know ''it large ears denote
misery disposition, why is a msle
apt to squander hishindlegs a.
A man living in the country fin
lightning-ro6s on the house to lie
great protection. They keep lightnin
; rod peddlers from calling.
i As proof that hens have a delica
aesthetic sense, it is remarked that tn
always seem 10 wipe their feet VIII
! they enter flower garden.
Q Correspondence that explains itsel
"Dear Father Send me an X. Yo
Son." "My Dear Son: 1 am not SO
send-ric. Your Father"
. "Edith"-The reason that men prel
Q to marry women with small feet is !
8 cause in the winter time they do
i' feel like such big Jumps of ice as lar
Q ones.
Il Pat says he was born on the We
! last day Of the year, and congratula'
himself that he was born at all : /
!. il it had been the next day, whas wor
!, have become of mef'
q Edison has perfected fog horn Il
. can be heard ten miles, but when
comes to an invention for getting
hired gil up in the morning he smi
j sadly and falls to musing on the
.. finite.
/, Give every man the credit of s
cerity, Notwithstanding it may be
. slight strain on your credulity to
: lieve the doctor means what be ss
. when he tells you, 81 am glad to
you we'll, sir"