Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-01-26
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

shocking disaster--An earthquake.
The phrenologist is man who can
not do his work well unless he feels
right.
The worst motto dentist can have is
"Try, try again the worst for the
other fellow.
Naturalist Can wolf become fond
OF man? He can, and would ist as
soon have him raw as cooked.
Every family is said to have a skel-
eton in the closet, but Hanlan and gen.
tiemen of his craft are said to prefer a
scull.
The world viii never progress far
enough to believe that a mans black
eye was caused by anything else than
somebody's fist.
Trimmed dogs exhibit'so much intelli-
gence that it probably won't be long
before there will be sausage in the mar
ket that can talk.
Don't throw away your old barrels.
They are useful 1t has been found that
an ordinary -four barrel will hold 67S,-
900 silver dollars.
Parlor matches are like fashionable
engagements. There is too much fuss
and noise about them for the money
Nelc York Commercial.
A funny man at Jackson, Mich, put
q cast-iron bullfrog on log in the
nver, and the boys threw stones at it
all day without discovering why it didn't
plunge.
The gentleman who caught q severe
cold from pressing his lips to a maiden's
snowy brow, recovered quite rapidly
while looking in the sunny smiles OF
smother fair damsel.
The ice cream day
Has passed away;
What will our darlings try'
They one and all
Now quickly call,
Give me an oyster fry"
The best sermon in the world never
yet reconciled the proud man, trying to
Suf8his feet ont of sight under the pew,
to the painfully obtrusive and evident
fact that the wife Of his bosom had used
his blacking brush to polish the kitchen
stove.
A million dollars in gold weighs
3.6S5 pounds avoirdupois. It took US
some time to learn this interesting fact,
and il any persons .hink we have made
q mistake they can call at the Office and
wo will show them the weights and
also the scales.
A young lady who has an objection
10 the revision OF the New Testament,
writes to London paper to ssy that
the phrase "purple and fine linen" con-
yeys no idea OF luxury to her mind, and
she suggests as an improvement "seal-
skin and black velvet"
Where is the use in puzzling ones
brains over such intricate problems as
the origin of man and the wtithe-ness
OF his future, when one cannot tell so
simple thing as how the small boy in
rubber boots gets his feet wet going
twenty rods over frozen ground2
NUMERICALLY CoRRsCF.
Tho fair EupheniA Brown isl,
And quickly 2 tho church she hioa.
wi 3 son for tho hasty act
Bed her arden. lovers eyes:
'Tf5 to meet your irato pa,
fear twill make mo G." saId hs
''Unless this 7 ly plan Of oura
should oulmin s auspiciously.
Oh, Fate, be but in thisb9.
I 0 nothing moro from theer'
In a small German town an innkeep-
er, to get rid Of q book peddler's i'm
portunities, bought an almanac from
him, and putting it in his pocket left
the inn, his wife just then coming in to
take his place. The woman was then
persuaded 10 buy en- almanac. not know
ing that her husband had one already.
The husband shortly returning and
discovering the trick sent his porter
10 the railway station after the peddler,
with q message that he wished 10 sec
the latter on business. 'oh, yes,"
said the peddler, 'T know; he wants
one OF my almanacs, but really can't
miss my train for that. You can give
me quarter and take the almanac 10
him." The porter paid the money and
carried the third almanac to the inn
keeper. Tableaui
There are in the Canadian provinces
ninety-one Congregational churches
having fifty-one pastors with twenty
eight assemblies not churches. and