The National tribune., 1882-04-15
WIT AND EUMOR,

Somehow or other Mr.. Blaine, IN working
the wires, dropped his insulator in the open
ing of the fght-AHanta Constitution.
Teacher to small boy: what does the
proverb say about those who live in glass
houses?" Small boy: Pull down the
blinds
The man who leaves dirty water in a wash
basin gets q much shorter pair of wings than
any Of the other angels.-LeadUiHe Courier
Journal.
After all Oscar Wilde does not look half
the guy that one of our best young men, with
knee-sprung legs, in pair of candle-mould
trousers does.
Just as though this country had not been
punished enough already, later infiction,
the banged hair young man, is running at
large.
"The Unseen Hand" is the title of a new
book. Probably the other man didn't have
anything better than d pair of trays and
didn't dare. to Call.-Boston Post.
"My boy" said a conscientious teacher,
"do You know the reason why Pm going to
whip you?" Yes" replied the hopeful :;
"because you're bigger than l am"
The Louisville Courier-Journdl represents
the ghost of Hamlets father as very much
ast0nished at finding when he saw Anna
Dickinson that his boy was girl
"Wby do Indians get drunk ," asks the
Temperance Worker Because they drink
more whisky than they are gauged for,
Ask us Il hard one.-BurlinGtOR Hdwkeye.
A Philadelphia coal dealer recently re-
ceived from a prominent shoddyite, who had
been to Europe, an order for five tons of coal
delivered Ia -PhHadc'phia Ne1Cs.
Mrs. De Nudle-Oh, Mr.. Cattleranche, tell
me, are you esthetic?" Mr. Cattleranche-
ooh, dear, no. madame, not at all. Never
had anything the matter with me in my
life"
Why was Jobs wife turned into pillar
of salt?-Jdmcsto3gn LCaGcr. There were,
probably, 4 lot of reasons; but when did you
get q Revised Old Testament p EYeuated
RGiliCHy Journal.
A Peoria woman missed her husband for
three weeks before she raised any row about
it, and she might not have said anything
then if his boots had not been drawn up in
the we'll bucket.
The hills of lofty endeavor and high
achievement lie all around u.s. Rochester
Express. And so do some of our brethren of
the press when they get on the subject of
their circulatiOn-Tcrds SjfiiRg8.
A little fellow on Arapahoe street being
asked by his good Episcopal mother what
pleasure he felt like giving up during Lent
said he guessed he would stay away from
schcol.-POmeroy's Great Vest.
There is an article going the rounds headed
"Who Kissed Away That Tear?' Well we
suppose it is as well TO own up at first as
last. 1t is mighty mean man that won't
kiss away a tear.-Pech's SRH.
During a dearth of news in a Western
newspaper Office, the Office cat was jammed
into the JOB press, and the editor immedi-
ately set up the following head lines
"Dreadful Accident-Nine Lives Lost ~
Boston Courier.
Oh, yes there is such thing as an ex-
hausted receiver, but this phrase does not
refer to the receiver Of a defunct savings
bank or insurance company. You have been
misinformed, my child-Boston Transcript
An old couple were walking down the
street the other day reading signs, when
they ran across one which the old man read
thus: "Johnson's Shirt Store" "WeI, l
declare!" exclaimed the old lady, II wonder
how he tore it,"
"a Philadelphia firm few days ago drew
their check for $6,777, ,76675." 1t is sup
posed the parties publish a newspaper, and
wished to pay their editors two weeks back
salary. They must have cut down their
force since last pay day.
Professor Doremus says that elephant milk
is 100 per cent. richer in butter than the
milk of Jersey cow. But the drat of it is
that an elephant is 100 per cent. worse than
cow to milk, having a tail at both ends to
slosh round in a mans eyes.
Old gentleman musical )" Have you any
plane tree wood?" Timber merchant Whose
nopcS arc raised IN ANTICIPATION OF good
order)-"Yes, sir; pray walk in, sir; as fine
a stock as any in town, sir. Would you pre-
fer it in the plank or in -ah-log?"
Old gentleman-"Oh thanlly, I'm not par
ticular l want bit for fiddle bridge"
A young friend of mine, was dining with
his father few nights ago. George" said
the fond parent when they next met, "you
took my overcoat instead of your own, and
l regret to say | found the pockets of your
coat full of cigarettes and matches" [ dis
covered my mistake, father" replied the
son. directly | got outside, for found the
pockets of the coat l had on contained
chocolate creams and three pairs of ladies'
gloves"
Oh, I suppose he loves Sarah, and would
be glad to marry her," he was saying to the
woman in the post-of1ice corrider yesterday;
"but I Dunno "Isn't he nice young
man?" asked the other. "Well, he's nice
enough, but very reckless with his money
At Christmas time he made us a present of q
French clock for the parlOr, and there's not
one of us in the house can speak word of
French">
He sat at her feet in quiet peace He
looked into her face and said softly: "Ah,
dear, | could sit here forever Gould Won.