Daily Los Angeles herald., 1882-01-04
MARK TWAIN'S LATEST.
His Speech On the Pilgrim Fathers at q
Philadelphia Banquet.

Mark Twain was o guest at the
annual banquet of the New Eng
land Society, at the Continenta
Hotel, Philadelphia. on Friday
night last. and made a speech that
was received with bursts of ap.
plause.
"Mr. President he began, re.
ferring to several compliments ten.
dered him as he was introduced,
"f thank you cordially for these
kind and well.deserved compli.
meuts paid me, and I shall ever
strive to deserve them. But let us
come down to business. / now az
pear before you as q protestor.
have kept still for years and years
ANY body knows that; but I want
to ask, What do you want to cele-
brate your. ancestors for? 1 admit
that they were hard lot. ! refer
more particularly to the May
flower gang. My friend on the left
here says that you are not celebrat-
ing the Pilgrim Fathers, but their
landing at Plymouth Rock. 1
thought the first pretext was thin,
but this one is thinner. The first
one was gauze, tin foil, tissue, but
this one is gold leaf. What was
there about the landing of the Pill
grims? They had been three or four
months ct sea; they were all
played cut and nearly starved; it
was fearful cold and they were
nearly frozen. Why shouldn't
they land? If they hadn't landed
there would have been some rea.
son for celebration. Now you
try to make out that this
simple proceeding was of enough
Importance to ne celebrated
with orgies ike this. Why q
horse would have known enough
to land Therefore, this festival
Is an inconsistency, and it shows
just what an irascible, 'intractab BILE
tribe the New Englanders are.
They never agree on anything but
Boston. Those ancestors of yours
must have been a mighty hard lot,
for there Is not a man in the room
who will admit that he is better
than his father or his grandfather.
Such of you as have not been In
the penitentiary-if such there be
ARE all better than your fathers.
You may talk about your ancestry
AZ you please, but as for me am
border ruffian, Missourian by
birth, with Connecticut as my
adopted State. I have the morals
of Missouri and the culture Of Con-
nectlcut, and that's the combina-
ton that makes the perfect man.
where is my ancestor, the good
Indian Your ancestors skinned
him alive and j am an orphan.
Not q drop OF my blood runs in his
veins to-day, but l don't object to
that. They skinned him alive.
All that's the thought that ran.
kles. He was a sensitive Indian,
aud his embarrassment before the
world must have been very great.
Ii he had been bird he would have
been Considered dressed. AS
man he was one Of the most un-
dressed men | ever saw. Later ON
your ancestors prosecuted another
ancestor of mine, the Quaker.
Your ancestors didn't want any
interference with the freedom Of
worship in their own peculiar way.
The first African brought into
New England Is n slave was an
of nine. l am of moDSrel
origin.
"Now, listen TO me. Why do
you wish TO pelpetuste these socie.
ties? L want yon to stop right
here and disband Begin by sell
ing Plymouth at auction. In the
great wealth OF rocks in New EGG
laud this particular rock would
bring perhaps thirty.five cents. If
you don't sell it throw it open to
the patent medicine man. Do
something to make u start. On
this table | see water and milk and
even the deadly lemon. You are
on the downward path. la few
years you will surely reach cider.
Pause while ii is not too late. But
still have as high an opinion of
you amt your ancestry as | can un-
der the circumstances. My grand
father used TO say that il would be
hard to improve on the good old
Plymouth stock-unless the per-
sons were born in Missouri