The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-09-15
Canned Seamanship,

While | sat talking with the fisher
man, whom four ounce eel had made
extremely volubIe. my attention was al
tracted to a terrible splashing under Il
tree short distance down stream.
"Pull it towards ye can't We? Pull,
We imitation of a plaster Paris Condo
lier! Pull towards We, | tell yen'
And a small skif' with leg of NUT
ton sail swung out from under the tree
and bumped along the bank. Seated
amidship was middle-aged gentleman
with plug, hat set on the back OF his
perspiring head, pulling hard on the
main sheet, while a lady in the stern
sheet had braced her foot against the
combing, and was doing her best to
pull the tiller out of the rudder head.
Don't We know which is toward We?
Want to wreck this ship on an inhos-
pitable coast, and be eaten up by lot
of heather, half full of gin and half full
Of Bible? Toward ye! Pull ittowards We,
before this ark is dashed to a million
splintersn'
BY this time it was hard aground, a
fact that neither the lady nor the gentle
man appeared TO be aware Of
II can't pull it any further Mr.
Spoopendyken' moaned the lady. lit
seems toe be tied here somewhere, and
won't come
"Luif her, then. Lun' her, tell yet"
roared Mr. Spoopendyke, half buried in
the Tapping sail, and struggling to re-
tain his hat. "LuIf her, tell yem
That's all very nice, y muttered Mrs,
Spoopendyke, Topping down on a seat,
"but I'm heap more apt to hate her!
Say, dear, amt we doing pretty well
nowq"
Mr.. Spoopendyke fought his way into
fresh air and glared around him.
"Want to sink us?' he yelled, slam
ming the little boom from side to side
in tie hope of catching some wind in
the sail. "Want to run down in six
thousand fathoms of water? Hard
down, | tell ye Put her hard down.
II guess she's about rs hard as She Il
co. huttered Mrs. Spoopendyke, look
ing eyer the stern and seeing that it was
high aud dry. "lts the other end that
isn't hard down, dear, and | guess
you'll have to turn it around Sideways
"Thats what we want TO do!' fairly
shrieked Mr., Spoopendyke, clasping his
arm around the mast and bringing his
head against it in fury Of desperation
at took you TO get the idea! Holy frog
il only had time to fit you out with II
Presidents flag and an appropriation
what navy you'd maker and Mr.
Spoopendyke again dashed his head
against the mast "You hit itM he
yelled. That's the schcmc AlEyou
want now is foreign flag and poiti-
cal Custom House to be the whole
American merchant marinelo and Mr.,
Spoopendyke dashed aft, seized the til
Ter and jerked away at it with one hand,
while with the other he hauled away at
the main sheet in vain hope that he
might get some Roadway from some d.
rection.
What are you trying to do, dearP'
timidly asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, dodg-
ing the flying boom.
"Do, yawped Mr.. Spoopendyke, grow
ing madden. 81 am trying to reconcile
this sail to the idea that travelling idiot
asylum in white skirts and n red shawl
isn't dangerousl What dye s'pose I'm
trying to dop Think I'm hauling my
arms out of the sockets to amuse the
chidrenp Think I'm Hopping this sail
around to keep 1t from getting sun
burnedP Well, l ain'tw he howled,
seeing that the tide was drifting his bow
around and setting him in shore broad.
side on. "And | amt wiggling this
business TO keep the moths out I'm
sailing, ami Here's where you get
your canned soamanship! Hear meP'
and Mr.. Spoopendyke rammed around
in the boat, now Kicking tho tillor and
then tho boom. "Seo how proudly We
cut the wayesp" and Just then the rud
der came out of the stern post and hung
in his hands, "Notlce how we dance
across the mcasly billowsp" and Mr.
Spoopondyko plunged head foremost in.
to the canvas like u sail needle, and
sank helplessly into the bottom OF the
boat
How nicely we are goingp' echoed
Mrs. Spoopendyke, who could afford 70