The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-02-17
WHY WE LAUGH.


be don't like pants, and 50 do his In
ter Ocean.
In union there is strength: "Poor Toms
cold" hut Tom and Jerry's hot.-Boston
Commercial bulletin. - ~.s
They have a brand of whisky IL Kentucky
known as the Horn Of plenty" because 1t
will corn you copiously.
"Lie," shouted old Mowers, as he smashed
his fist down Oh the table. Lie! Why he
can he like show bill."-Fort Plain Reg
lister.
The clergyman has many duties-such,
for instance, as engineering fairs, making
oyster stews and lemonades, and curing
iove-sick people by uniting them in mar
riage. +
Count Andrassy, at Shonbrunn, once
paused long before the bippopotsmus in the
Imperial collection of animals, and fiuall''
said: Howl envy the thickness of his
skin" .-
At a recent er-makers' convention one
| Of the delegates got tired of the proceedings
and wanted to 60 home, but didn't know how
to wind up the meeting. He ought to have
made motion to churn.
"Make Somebody Glad," urges recent
poem Hundreds Of young men can comply
with this request by simply bidding her good
night two or three hours earlier on Sunday
nights.-Nofristorn Herald.
| A avoha,oa co,,as IN no with an article
entitled "The Mormon Issue.7 From what
we know of the Mormon issue, ii seems 10
| be as a general rule red headed and cross
eyed, and weighs about six pounds with
| Clothes boomerang.
| It's funny, hut a soft palmed woman can
pass hot pie-p'ate to her nearest neighbor
at the table with a smile as sweet as honey,
while a man, with a hand as horny as
crocodies back. will drop 1t on the floor
and howl around like Sioux Indian at q
scalp dance.-Cdri Schurz.
A New Haven lady advertised for "a sec,
ond girI," and bright appearing young w"-
man answered the rtisement. The lady
was pleased with her appearance and pro-
ceeded to settle upon a financial basis
How much would you want per week?'
well, if you expect me to wait upon the
table. it will be three dollars and a half.
But If you stretch for yourselves it will
only be three dollars. ."-Ne'o Hdcen Regis
ter.
A bill is now before Congress which gives
every Indian a quarter-section of land.
This is well enough in its way, hut some ar
rancemeut should be made whereby one or
two white families will be placed on each
section, SO that when the Indian desires
some rational amusement he will not be
obliged to travel four or five miles in order
10 find some one to scalp. We have taken from
the red man his beautiful land, aud the least
we can do is to Civ, him Norwegian immi-
grant to toy with now and then.
The nervous mother Of bright little boy
was alarmed least he should take the whoop
ing cough, which prevailed in the neighbor-
hood. She talked so much about it and
worried over It that she had infected the
child with her fears to such an extent that
| he wouid Saiceiy leafe heT sue ohe
night, after he had been put to bed and
asleep, a donkey was driven past the house
aud when just opposite set up his hee-haw
With a shrek the little fellow was out ol
bed screaming at the top Of his voice: "'rhe
whooping cough is coming, mamma; the
whooplng cough is coming"
Gcopraphical lovers:
"Now," in a Chill tone she said,
II will be Frank. 'Tis true,
Although you Arab a brilliant catch, a
do not Caffre you"
"Oh! lady, Dane to hear my suit,
d This heart is Scot by thee"
g May, sir, can not heed thy words,
For you Arnaut to me-" .
g "'Tis Welsh" she added, freezingly,
a Since Siam pressed so far,
To Hindoo you no longer here;
!. And so, good, sir, Tartar"
What Ottoman like me to do ~
BewaIled the stricken man.
e sI'II Finnish up my mad career, ID
= And we'd the Gallican." s E4 8.
!, Flora of the Northern Pacific.