Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-10-02

A little boy being asked if he had
good mule, replied: zone end of him is
good"
1t is stated that they have cucumbers
two feet long in Kentucky, but they don't
say how long they have the collie.
A farmer in Texas advertises for ''an
industrious man to take charge of five
thousand sheep, who can talk Spanish"
.sWhy is fool in high station like
man in balloon?'' Because everybody
appears little to him, and he appears lit
tie TO everybody
Neuralgia is the charming name
borne by a charming girl. Her fond
mother found it on medicine bottle, and
was captivated with it's sweetness.
81 think the goose has the advantage
of you," said the landlady to an mex
pert boarder who was carving. "Guess
he has, mum-in age" was the quick re-
| tort.
No matter how handsome a young
WOuldu Indy Ue, WHICH tH0 iiSho hioh
| comes along she is ready to yield the
palm of beauty, if he has the sense to ask
for it.
A curate once asked little girl in the
Sunday school: ssWho made your vile
body?" ssMother made the body" quickly
retorted the child; 81 only made the
| skirt
81 have no intention of iattering you,
my dear, but why are you like our river?''
because your mouth is always open!'
he said, and just then fat iron grazed
his left ear,
Archbishop Whately was one day ask
ed if he rose early. He replied that once
he did, but he was proud all the morning
and so sleepy all the afternoon, that he
determined never to do it again.
''John, what is that peculiar smell?'
asked a mans wife as he was trying to
steal in bed without waking her, about
a. m. ''That is the incense we use in
the lodge room, my dear, it exales-it
exales-" eyes, I know now," she in.
terrupted. ''I recognize the odor-
Xxx ales.''
Not long since family moved into a
village out West. After week or so, q
friend of the family called on them ant
asked how they liked the locality
''Pretty WELL" sHave you called or
any of your neighbors YETI" sNo; but
am going to, if there is any more of my
firewood missing"
n P. Willis once said ssThe sweetes
thing in life is the unclouded welcome O
wife" This is true, indeed; but whe1
her welcome is clouded with an atmos
phere of angry words and coal scuttles
there is something about it that makes ;
man want to go out in the woodshed an6
sleep on the ice-chest.
Practical teacher.-s'What takes plac,
after the sailor enters the port?" No ON
answered. ''PerhapS some one in the
class can tell me. Can you George
after the sailor enters the port, wha
then?" s'Then the port enters the sail
or" And George knew for had not hi
father been sailor all his life?
the drinking habits of the people!'' eS
claimed the lecturer; ssthere is but on
way to do it-you must remove tn
cause" s'True fr you, oil fell" shouted
boaro,, sGtrr,a f-, won Tho +,
what I've been trying all my life. Brin
on yer cause if yer want it removed"
A French photographer boasts of hay
ing been able to catch the expression {
flying bird. There is nothing wonder
full about that An Austin man, who ha
no scientific attainment, without any e
fort on his part caught The impression {
a flying bat. 1t was very clear impres
sion. The bat was brick-bat. He wa
offering a resolution at q ward meetin
when the accident occurred
Perhaps no medicine is SO universally required as
good cathartlc Swayne's Pills prepared express
to meet this necessity, being composed of purely
etable ingredients. Of which podophyin or mandrak
sarsaparilla, yellow dock and other concentrate
Juices enter largely into their composition the who
strength of which is extracted on an entirely ne
principle. They are mild in their operation and a
truly valuable aperient and anti-bilious medcin
: They stimulate the liver healthy action. clean
the stomach and bowels of all impurities Curl
y sick and nervous headache dyspepsia or indgestio
y biousness fevers. drowsiness. colds. aching pair
7 slight chills with flashes of heat and female rreg
= larities. For bilious and costive habit no medci
q is sc prompt and efectua Mailed on receipt of pri
lin postage stamps. 25 cents. or Hye boxes for
Address DR.. swayne Son. Philadelphia Pa.
e. your druggist for them.