River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-09-14
FLOATING FUN.
A good port-rait-s5 a bottle

A good port-rait-$5 bottle.
The time to eat breakfast-before it's
eight.
Best expressed on tombstoneg- grave
sentiments.
Be content with your lot-especislly
if it's corner one.
Numbering man with a brick might
be called brick kiln.
If your friends don't stick to you
this weather, your clothes do.
The ice that ought to prevail-just-
ce. The ice that does, avar-ice.
A reason gwen why piano was not
saved at fire, was that none OF the
firemen could play on it.
A soft ant, sir, turneth away the pic
nicker from the custard pie.
Does it stand to proof that pig is
an old soldier, because he is a pen
sumner.
Latin is dead language, and that is
why d .ctors use it for writing out their
prescriptions.
A sociable man is one who, when he
has ten minutes to spare, goes and
bothers somebody who hasn't.
Buckwheat fields now dot the rural
landscape, and in few months buck
wheat cakes will dot the rural COM
plexion.
The sting of bee is only one-thirty-
second OF an inch long. 1t is only your
Imagination that makes it seem as long
as a hoe-handle.
When you read of the shady groves
and sylvan dells and hidden waterfalls
and cool forests, don't get anxious.
Let dozen mosquitoes hop on to you
and you'll feel as if you were there.
A medical journal calls attention to
"The Habits of the Hair" Yes, by the
way, that's terrible bad habit hair
has, that of coiling itself in the butter
dish.
The trouble with Keely seems to be
that the secret of his motor is locked
up in his brain and he has forgotten
the combination.
Aprons have become artistic, and
disdain to be called pinafores. They
are now finished at the lower edge by
being Topped up out of sight.
"a new broom sw { ops clean" 1t
dosn't if the boy is sweeping up the
back yard and the gang is waiting to
get up on his roof to raise kite.
The man who took seat in the
orchestra when his ticket was for the
second balcony felt bad at having to
change. In fact, he was moved two
tiers.
They have taken to introducing sew
ing machines among the Indians, and
before long it will be with difficult,
that brave will be able to read his
evening paper in quiet.
''The number of bouos in man." we
are told, sis 240." Just after partaking
of shad breakfast the number may
be increased to 250-if the man doesn't
choke to death on the fourth bone.
The flat hat that is SO prevalent at
this time is liked by the young men
who wear it, because they can reach
over the edges and hold it on with
their ears when the wind blows.
There is nothing like settling down."
said the retired merchant confidently
to his neighbor. "When l gave up
business l settled down and found /
had quite comfortable fortune. If
had settled up / should not have had
cent"
"My brudders," said waggish color
ed man to q crowd, Gin all infiction, in
all OBJ your troubles dar is one, 'Whar
you can always fnd sympathy"
"Whar? Wharf" shouted several. "In
de dictionary" he replied, rolling his
eyes skyward.
"Some other folks would deceive you
about these goods, but have been in
the business twenty years and never
told a lie" said the guileless dry goods
clerk. "And why do you begin now"
said the gentle fair one in front of the
counter as she gathered her draperies
together and glided away.
When friend asked reformed in
ebriate the cause Of his reformation,
he said: GAS you are married you
will quite understand it when | say
getting tlpsy made me see my mother
in-law doubled"
A paper watch in good running order,
has been exhibited by Dresden
matchmaker, evidently made from a
newspaper, the subscription of which
has been running on time" for several
years.
The man who "woke to ecstasy the
living Tyre" is notified that it would
have been just as well if the living liar
had been allowed to slumber on. We
have enough living liars now. What
the world needs is a few dead ones.
Said the night Waterman when about
du k he was invited to drink a cup of
coffee, "No, thank you; coffee keeps
me awake all night" Then he saw
his plumber, looked very embarrassed
and tried to explain. But it Vas no
use.
Scientists of the east are now
troubled as to the origin of the name
of beautiful little animal, that we be-
live is called pole-cat. AS we under
stand it, they call this aromatic bird
polecat becluse it was the proper
thing to kill it with pole hundred
yards long.