davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

A bad fix Repairing broken
window with IN old hat. -Detr0H Free
Press.
The man who toes the mark-TEc
old man who reaches out for Jane
AIMS Teller at two O'Clock 4 ". -NtW
Jersey Enterprise.
In reply to the question: will the
coming man be bald?" the Norristown
Hfrdt alirms that "he generally is
when he first comes"
-Rebecca--Yes. blind men may be
perfectly sane. although You do believe
i'll the saying; "Out of sight out of
mind. " IOnkcrs Statesman.
-Fogg says that his friend Pingrey
is so slow that he never catches cold.
and couldn't get within mailing distance
of the slo~est of slow fevers. boston
Transcript.
"A musical young friend of ours.
wishing to bespeak his mistress atten-
ton TO the suppliant posture he had
taken up at her feet, sang with thrill
ing elect this, his earliest exercise:
"Dora. me for solace see do. Fan.
There is no season of the year when
the press is not looking out for the safe
ty and welfare of some class of citizens.
just now red headed men are warned
not to climb trees rs there is great
deal of squirrel shooting going on, and
mistakes are apt to occur.-1eras SUt-
fngS.
Bill Arp suggests n Georgia Col
onel's day at the Exposition. William
should bear in mind that Atlanta has
made no arrangements to entertain cv-
cry male citizen in the State at one
time. But if they will come in squads
of ten or seventv-tive thousand they
can be accommodated. atlanta Con-
skituLiOu
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
The Policeman.

The policeman. children, is n pretty
fair sort of man. notwithstanding he is
generally on his beat.
Frequently when he comes in sight
the boys call out, "Cheese it." This is
when something has curd, and they
wish to get whey.
The policeman is one of the most
clubbable of men. He belongs to no
club, however The club belongs to
him.
He always takes his club with him.
As his club is always on hand Just in the
ace of time. it is known rs the ace of
clubs. 1t is a trump. The policeman
is often put to his trumps.
From the fact that the policeman has
frequently to turn an Irishman into the
gutter. he is called n Pat-roll-man.
The policeman is also called the
guardian of the night. He is q brave
knight. He watches over the night
Grant.
The policeman has u very keen mind
He can apprehend the most difficult
subject, and these subjects are most APP
prchensivc of his approach.
The policeman, we are sorry to say,
has very bad associations. He is al
ways running after bad company.
There are a number of men on the
police and each one has number.
The policeman is sometimes called
Charley. He always has his billy with
him. The two are bound together by
the strongest tie. The policeman is re-
nowned for billy tie.
The policeman is not given to litera-
ture, but has a-pistol-ary correspond
ence with dangerous classes sometimes
He is q measure of public policy.
W nav oiiOuiu .,I.I.ouo vuv puuiiU
police? See?
The policeman is not n deep thinker
He does not cudgel his brains over alb
struse problems. He uses somebody
else's brains when he cudgels.
The policeman is not profane man,
but he does 4 good deal of swearing
when in court.
When in chase of criminal, if the
man becomes tired. the policeman will
kindly give him arrest We will follow
his example. and give you q rest
Boston Transcript.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
FACTS AND FIGURES.

New York City inilicts the country
with $1,000 drummers or commercial
travellers. Boston sends out 20, 900 and
Philadelphia 1000.
--Larrc beds of carboniferous iron,
Dr. NJ. 5. Mcunier contends, are
contained in the interior of the earth,
and these deposits at high tempera-
lures coming in contact with water
Weld hydrocarbons, which, upon sut-
srquent combustion. send up civilizations
of carbonic acid from the earth. This
is his method of indicating the source
of that acid in the atmosphere.
The FoH .igc says: The cotton
seed oil mills that are rapidly being put
in operation in the South are creating
no lit e stir and discussion as to their
effect upon the agricultural interests of
the country. This is comparatively
new industry, and we already lind that
no less than l20, 900 tons of oil cake, or
cotton seed meal, has but recently been
shipped abroad, not counting the sup
PLY sold and consumed in non cotton
producing sections of our own country.
The ncwly-established postal card
factory at CaStlcton, in Rensselaer,
County. n. y. employs about $50 men
and women, who assisted by the ma
chincry. dispose of $4,000 pounds of
paper and manufacture $3.50. 900 postalS
every twenty-four hours. The contract
calls for 1000, 0O0.0O cards in four
years. and was awarded the Fort Or
ange Paper Company. TO manufacture
the requisite paStcboards, l2,50U.O00
pounds of paper will be used. The mill
runs day and night. The paper-ma-
chine, which is the largest and most
complete in the United States, has
proved its capability By turning out u
web of over twelve miles in length with
out Il break.
1t is not generally known that the
Government has already appropriated
S225, 900 for the construction of seven
reservoirs covering 100 square miles
and to hold ten feet of water OH the
average, at the headwaters of the Mis-
sissippi. One result of this inland sea
will be TO secure navigation seven
months in the year in 4 vast area GOO
miles long; the only breaks in which
will he At st. Anthony. PokeTama and
Little Falls. The water will be stored
by the proposed dams from November
TO April, and then gradually let out. 1t
will greatly help To float lumber. IN
undatiOns will be prevented. The cost
of maintenance will be 81. 800 per year.
The Chippewa Reservation will be some
what interfered with. and several will
ages will be destroyed and paid for.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
Cheap Reading.

If access to the best literature is the
panacea which some have imagined il
to be for the moral shortcomings of the
masses, they ought, in this country, to
be now making an immense amoant OF
progress. The bootblack of to-day
enjoys literary advantages which we'll.
salaried divine did not command fifty
years ago. The richest of the men who
signed the Declaration of Independence
thought themselves reading remark
able novelty when they held in their
hands a volume published in Europe six
months before, and their children, in
turn, except favored few in three or
four great cities, could not command a
sight of dozen new works in as MANY
months. To-day the gems of English
literature are a matter of a few cents.
So marked is the difference between the
price of works published here and in
England that it was found worth while
by Englishmen to send "Endymion ~
home at better rates. In fact, to-day
all men meet here on equal ground in
the matter of access to good reading.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

The private railroad-car owned BY
the Baroness Nathalie De Rothschild
cost twenty thousand dollars. There
are several of our railroad magnates
whose private cars are costlier.
Although seeming to do so, emotional
actresses rarely weep in their PLAYS ex-
cepting when the house is bad.
A fashionable young lady, like an
inexperienced printer, makes a great
hustle in correcting her form.
There are some days when YOU can't
lay up cent. and other days when YOU
can't get hold of a cent to lay up.
Bad habits are the thstles of the
heart, and every indulgence of them i,
a seed from which will come forth &
crop of rank weeds.
Censure is most chectual when mixed
with praise. SO, when fault is dis.
covered it is well to look up q virtue t.
bear it company.
Selfishness, though refined, is still
but seltishness. and refinement ought
never to interfere with doing good in
the world as it exists.
If you wish to be happy you must
learn to lie just deaf enough not to hear
some things and just blind enough not
to see others.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Some years ago. when an enormous
defalcation took place in London on the
part of the Treasurer of public com
pany, it came to light that he had for
years avoided taking holiday of more
than day or two, the object evidently
being that no thorough examination Of
his accounts should be made. Thence
forward that company. and many other
companies, insisted on all their subor-
dinates taking holidays. and their
books are then thoroughly overhauled
by competent accountants. The case
alluded to, and also that of man who
for years carried on gigantic frauds on
the Crystal Palace Company, had the
salutary effect of causing firms to rigid
ly investigate the accounts of their
cashiers, etc, Irrespective of long serv-
ice and cordial relations.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

This heroic cure of snake bite is
published by Mrs. Mary A. Mansfield,
in the Sanford On. c. journal: "My
son James and Mr.. Wv. Thigpen were
out on hunt on September %, when
James was bitten on the leg; below the
knee, by a very large rattlesnake.
cord tight above the wound, and Their
split his leg to the bone right at the
wound: After bleeding about a pint he
stopped the bleeding, put a charge OF
powder on the wound and touched II
off with match, which burned the flesh
to a scar around the wound. All he has
to do now is to cure the burn"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

ACTUAL FACr.--An English daily has
this item among its advertisements:
" a table-maid who has had four and a
half years experience in present situa-
ton. and is leaving through death.
recommends herself for any similar po-
sition.' And yet she can not tell why
nobody sends to engage her.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

FOUND, A GOLD MEDAL.-A tin box,
bought for ten cents at sale of I'M
claimed express packages in New Or
leans. was found to contain a gold med
al awarded by the Howard Association
of Memphis, Tenn, to DR.. j. C. Le-
care. for services rendered during the
yellow fever epidemic in 1873. The
purchaser ascertained DR.. Lcgare' s.pres-
emit address. which is Donaldson, La,
and informed him.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

BY late order from Rome it is or
daiaed that olive oil must now be used
in all Catholic churches in Texas. For
meriv the State was so thinly settled
and the Catholics SO poor that the Pope
permitted the use of candles, coal-oil
lamps, and gas; but now that Catholics
are numerous and prosperous they mu st
conform to the rule as set down in the
Council of Trent.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

A few years ago Mr.. IIighley, of
Louisville, Ky. purchased a Florida or
ange grove, with handsome cottage
upon it, for $1,000. The price was con-
sidered extravagant by the people in tho
neighborhood. He will this winter
gather at least 100000 oranges.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

said Il sick man to a druggist, can't you give
me something to cure me - His symptoms
were lame back and disordcrcd urine and
were 4 sure indication of kidney disease
The druggist told him To Use Kidney Wort
and in Il short time il effected complete cure
Have You these symptoms : Then get box
or hottie t"-day--hcf0rr YOU become incura-
hlr. 1t is he cure; safe and sure norriVe
Kt1mhittnH
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

PIE EATING.-A New York baker es-
Inmates the number of pies sold in that
city at $4,000 day. He says it is the
mixing of food that causes dyspepsia,
and that pies have been slandcred. In
times of great excitement the trade falls
off largely. He SAYS the taste for
pumpkin pie is falling of, which is due
probably to the fact that the making of
them is lost art. The most popular
of pies is the apple pie.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Remember that mans vocation"
is his regular business and that his
avocation' is ealing, other than his
regular business. which he may adopt
temporarily. for the sake of change.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Everybody that has tried Ammen's Cough
Syrup, continues il, uSc; besides they tell
their nciyhhur- OF it, We were in drug
store the other day when Il customer asked
for u bottle uf Ammcn's Cough Syrup, say
ing " | do not know anything about il myself,
hu! nay nci-hhor advised me to buy it for my
cold. and tells me that the list ut three bottles
has entirely cured his cough of two wears
Standing in fact he SAYS II is the hest medi-
cine in the world Tor coughs, colds and lung
complaints and that Il one dollar bottle did
him more good than all the prescriptions he
had from the doctors"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

GLASS SPECTACLEs.-H came to
town in an omnibus. He was stout,
comedy man, who wore gcld-rimmed
sp.ctac'es. to which he paid great at
tentior, often polishing the glasses
with bit of leather, and looking at the
sky through them. wonder, sir, what
you could wish for? My wish. sir
Why, my wish would decidedly be
that my spectacleglasses should al.
why's be clear. You have no idea oil
the trouble they cause me. II the
weather is frosty. mist cones upon
them; if it is too hot. mist comes upon
them; if l wink my eyelids, the glasses
suddenly seem to become dim. Spec.
'acles are the greate-t blessing and the
greatest plague of ones life"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

1t is sail that DE-. G-hring, OF Lind
shut in Bavaria. by means of 81 enam
cling liqnil, renders any species Of
stone or cement harder than granite
The pro CT So. it is further reportt d, adj
mi.s of being applied to metal, which
is G. N pleteiv protected from rust.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

NEGErISE is composed Of the best yegcta-
bile ingredients the disprnsary of Nature fur
niShcs. Their juices are extracted in way
which preserves their undiminshcd medical
properties, making il one of the greatest
clcnnscrs If the blood that can be put to-
wcther
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Appearances are deceptive. One
cheese NAV seem 10 be the exact coun-
terpart of another and yet be mighty
sight richer.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

TIE usands Of wtman have been entirely
cured of the most stubborn Cases Of fema.
weakn' IS hy The Use OF l., dia f Piukham'
E"rriAb'e mpound. Send TO Mrs. LYDIA
+ Els khan, 23 Western Avenue, Lynn,
NJ - for plmphlr's
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

They tell us the time is coming when
the grasshopper shall be a burden. 1t
is sincerely hoped it will be q dead
weight.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Is your hair falling out or Your scalp dis
cascd" Cailolnc. II dcudorizcd extract OF
petroleum, rs now improved and perfected is
just the article you need. Buy bottle, and
like thousands who are using il all over the
land. You will value il lis the choicest of all
toil,, prrpurutior~
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
The Priceless Vegetine.
CANCER CURED.

WARRINGTON, ID. C., Jan. G. 1881
Dh. n. IL. SrEvENs-rbe great sympathy l have
cahcerous bumors impr.sses me Tint n ia nav
nAereu unty 10 write You, although a stranger to
tL rort Two long years suffered and endured
breast. My case defied the efforts Of mo hest
r12 sa.ians, tried many remedies when gen.
To trS IN .he tiiice with my husband advised him
hn,,i so"r prlceiess 'eSt tine: he brought home
auo't'e; before taking half OF the FIRST hottie l
ir Wen nights. leontinued taking the yesrtiue
am ao yvtrs cay; ihave taken eighteen bottles
disease IL left. wish everyone c1pid tnow Mi
80 = 80 medicine 1t is FIR such diseases Your
name, name VIII never lie forgotten. NAV God ever
prayer Of Mr. T. .'e .ar! enines'
az street. northwest. Washington, d. c.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
Get the Original.

! Dr. PicrCc's "PcilrtS the original Lit
J he Liver Pills (,I!yar cdJ--curc sick and
! bilious headache. sour stomach and bilious
/ attacks By druggists
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

In his diary of European travel the
Shah of Persia says that an English
man who disobeys a policeman is in
stantly put to death.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

DIR. Pierce, "Fayoritc Prescription, for nj
those Weaknesses peculiar 10 women, is III.
uncqualcd remedy. Distressing hackachc
and " bearing down" sensations Weld To lis
strength giving properties BY druggists
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Tic standing Of DR.. Hcnion, Mr.. Warner
and DIR. baltimore in the community Is he
Nund question and the statements they MAKE
rann"t for 4 moment be doubted. They con
ciu~iNcly show that Brigit'S Disease of the
kidEcy~ i one ri the most deceptive and
dangerous of all diseases. that it is exceeding
y common, alarminyly Increasing and that il
can be- currh.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
The Flesh Speedily Reun,t, 8

When obstinate sores are clcanscd will
GIENN'S SrLrnUR Soar. OF druggists
Halls HAIR AND WHISPER DYE, black u
brown. ~ cents.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
How Are You. NV Old FrieudP

Asked u bright looking man. "Oh, | feel
miserable. I'm bilious and can't eat. and nv
back is 81 lame can't work" why in the
world don't you take kidncy-Wort . That 5
what take when I'm out of sorts, and il al
ways keeps me i'll perfect tune. My doctor
recommends il for all such troubles" Kid
ucy- Wort is the sure cure for biliousness and
constipation. Don't fail to try it.-Loiig
BTu.ch Nccs
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
GREAT ENGllCH REMEDY,

is a sure rurc for Nervous
kDrhility, lost manhood. and
fhr eva effects OF youthful
5fullir- and oversees. Dlt.
4 NsNTEE viii agree Ia
forfeit Five Bfunhr d
. DDliN ~ far "a case OF
This Kind the Vital l.cstOra-
Tive ,undrr his special adj.
iVicc and trcatlncni1 will mol
Fcurc. Price. - "A bottle :
-four times the quantity, SiU.
sen; to any address conf
dentinlly 10y Dr. L. \. MIN
|TIE, Il keIrEy ST, San
lleI.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Eminent DIR. ! J Caldwell, Baltimore, Md.
Statc-I Il have used CuLpEN'> LIEBIG'-
LlQIID EXTRACT OF BEEF AND Tonic INVIG
ORATOR largely in Debility, Fehrilc and Merry
Gus diseases, ard have found il one of III,
most - i"b}' 81 H.stfaHf fo'!irS Ho,r IN use or &
b. .rou'.d IL lhGyu,dry." tIdkc no other) o.
druggists.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
The Age of Mira les

Is past, aud Dr. Piercc's Golden Medical
Discovery" will not raise the dead, will not
cure you if your lungs are almost wasted by
consumption. IL is, however, unsurpassed as
pectoral and Alternative, and will cure obsti-
nate and severe diseases of the throat and
lungs, coughs and bronchial affections. By
virtue of IFS wonderful Alternative properties ii
clcanSr. and enriche, the blood, cures PIN
piles. biotchrs and cruptionS, and causes even
great eating ulcers To heal.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03
81 Don't Want a Plaster"

Pralse nuGe-cr,rd Is satire in diR
guise.- Erosdhnrst.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

Mamie" said he and his voice was singu-
iarly low, will YOU be my wife? Will YOU
cling 10 me rs the tender vine cingS to the"
Yes, I'll catch on" said shc-Puck
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

A Safe and speedy Remedy for all
Bronchial Affections. Asthma.
Colds. Coughs, Loss of Voice.
Bronchitis. Incipient Consumption,
Hoarseness. Pain and Soreness of
the Chest, and all Difficulties aris-
ing from a Sudden Cold. readily
yield to its healing powers. Ask
for the California Halls Pulmonary
Balsam. Sold by all Druggists.
D. e. GATES a CO. Propr;etors AT
81 kr1u "
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-03-03

This is a Cock Roach. He is Big,
Black and Ugly. He is Crawling over
the Pillow. Do not Say a Word, but
lie still and Keep your Mouth open. He
will Crawl into Your Mouth and You can
Bite him in Two. This will Teach him
to be more Discreet in Future. -Eugcne
Field, IN Dcnrcr Tribune.
National Republican., 1882-08-23
Kcntucky,

The Bourbon morning organ in this
city does not itself defend the convicted
baIlot-box suffers in Mississippi. But it
defends the "young men and maidens" 4"
residing in the vicinity "who did not
think and do not now believe that the
five young men who were fined had been
fairly convicted" and who therefore set
aside the verdict of the jury by public
demonstration and pardoned the convicts
by paying their fines out of the proceeds
of a public entertainment. OF course
the Post sees no objection to this effort
to make ballot-box stutIing respectable
and even heroic. If it is to be con-
demned by youngmen and maidens of the
Bourbon circles, how can it be reasonably
expected that ballot-boxes will be stuffed
hereafter? The suffers are young men,
and maidenly remonstrance against the
practice would have a disastrous effect
upon Bourbon prospects. On with the
dance.
National Republican., 1882-08-23
What n California senator say..

"How DO you like President Arthur was asked.
''My intercourse with him has been very pleas.
ant indeed He has not always done what asked
him, but am not disposed to quarrel with Pres
ident on that account. think General Arthur is
a very thorough and able man.
You mean as politician?"
Not entirely; though 1t is no mean qualifica
ton to be a thorough politician. / do not know
that it is best that President should be good
politician, for he Is then apt to he too partisan"
What do you think OF his veto of the river and
harbOr bill 2"
That an action not calculated to injure
him much in public estimation in any part OF the
country for in the States which needed aud wanted
Improvements his opposition, having been over
come will soon be forgotten and forgiven. In
this and other states whicn opposed the bill his
veto won him many staunch friends So he has
pleased many, offended u few, and still has the
money TO expend and patronage under the bill to
dispense"
well, coming nearer home, how do you like
his veto of the Chinese billY'
Not so well: but no harm has been done polt-
ically, l think, in my State."-From an iRte1picL
Igih Senator Miler.