Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-04-07

THE EDIroR.-The editor, children. is
Z member Of that race of animal called
mankind. He is invariable kind man.
He is perfectly harmless. You may 60
into his den without fear. But he has Pc
euliarlties. The sight of poet makes him
wild. He is then very dangerous. and is
apt to do bodily harm to all within reach.
He is also much wrought up when man
comes in with little trile he has just
dashed of.
There is one thing that must be said in
the editors dispraise. His mind is SO bi-
ased by long thinking in certain direc-
tion. that he dislikes very much to look
upon both sides of question. Therefore
if you value your safety never approach
him with manuscript written on both sides
of the paper.
The editor usually writes with a pen. but
hisYmost cutting articles are the product of
his shears.
And let me say right here, children, that
a good deal of sheer nonsense has been
printed about the editor. He uses his
shears only when composing an entirely
original article.
The editor would mako good public
speaker but for his propensity for clipping
words.
The editors hardest task is to dispose of
his time. His would be monotonous life
indeed, we're it not for the kindness of the
few hundred people who call upon him
every day to enliven his dull life with sto.
ries of tfeir grievances, Of their brand uew
enterprises, and with antedilavan anec-
dotes. When you grow up to lie men and
women, children remember this and spend
all the time you Can III the saUc;nm of the
editor. He loves company SO much, yut,
know. and sometimes he has 20 sit sileit
and alone for whole half minute Is it
not too bad ?
The business of the editor is to enter
tain itinerAnt lecturers, BOOK ,nvassers,
exchange fends and other philanlhropsts
He gives his whole day to these. He writes
his editorials at night after he has gone t.
bed.
The editor is never so happy as when he
is writing complimentary notices. For tea
cents worth of presents he will gladly give
ten dollars worth of advertisiug-all O;
acc unit Of the pleasure it gives him t,s
write-you know, children.
He also loves to write neat little speech-
es and bright witty poems for people with
out brains who wish to speak in public. Il
is SO easy for him to do this. that he is
sometimes miserable when an hour or two
passes without an opportunity to do some
thing of the kind.
The editor dimes at all the hotels free. lie
travels Free theatres open wide their doors
to him, his tailor clothes him gratis, his
butcher and grocer furnish him with food
without money and without price. In
short, his every want is provided for. He
spends his princely salary in building
churches and school houses ia foreign
lands.
By all means. children, be editors. o.
course it would be better if You could b-
hod carriers or dray horses, but as that -
impossible, by all means be editors.-Bos
ton Transcript.
It was Sunday evening. Angelica had
invited her ''best young man" to the evet-
ing meal. Everything had passed off hal
moniously until ADgelica's sevenyear-old
brother broke the biissful silence by tx
claiming:
"Oh, ma, yer oughter seen Mr. Lighted
the other night. when he called to take
Angie to the drill; he looked so nice sitting
long side of her with arm"
.sFred!'' screamed the maiden whose
face had began to assume the color of
well done crab, quickly placing her hand
over the boys mouth.
Yer oughter seen him." continued the
persistent informant, after gaining bis
breath. and the embarrassed girls hand
was removed, The ha his arm"
.sFreddie!" shouted the mother, as in her
frantic attempts to reach the boys aurlcu-
lar appendage she upset the contents of ths
teapot IN MIR. Lig hted's lap, making MI
merous Russian war maps over his new
lavender pantaloons.
Il was just goin to say.' the half-fright-
ened boy pleaded, between sob and an
injured whine, che had his arm
'.You bey!" thundered the father, ''away
to the wood-shed."
And the boy made for the nearest exit,
excIaiming as he waltzed, 81 was only 20
in to cay he had his army clothes on, and
Eli leave it to him if he didn't"
And the boy was permitted to return,
and the remainder of the meal was spent
in explanations from the family in regard
to the number of times Freddie had to be
talked to" for using his fingers for a Ia
die.
More than 5000 women are employed in
the railway Offices of Austria. This ex-
plains why Austrians railroads are so slow.
Frequently, when train is behind time,
there isn't man about the office to swear
about it.
A United States legislator is actively
advocating bill requiring the name of
the physician who attended the deceased
to be engraved on the tombstone. The con-
eternation this causes in medical circles
may be imagined.
Wanted-a modern young lady's fore
head. The editor not having seen one for
several years, is willing to pay fair price
for glimpse OF the genuine article. No
banged or otherwise mutilated specimens
wanted.
Are them all Bibles ?" asked man the
other day, in the probate Office. pointing to
the big bound volumes Of will. "No, sir,''
answered the clerk, "those are Tesla
ments!'