Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1882-06-03
Very soon the balmy rose
VIII blossom in the dell.
And liuger 'twiXt Cordclia's nose
And Ionnthan.s lapcl.


Hard 10 Deat-llne
Food for thought" requires slow cooking.
Political rings are the only rings which
have a beginning and an end.
4 man who was formerly n'ghi watch
man refers to it as his late occupation.
"If | rest rust" is a German proverb.-
"If trust | bust, is the American version.
When a girl has been at school seven
years, and spells vaccinate yaxinate," " is 1t
the fault of the school system, or of the
girls system2
The New York who boy read his verse tho
other day, Keep thy tongue from evil and
thy lips from girls" had no authority, per
haps, for his revised version, but the teach
ing was sound.
Where are you going in such hurry y
"Only back into the house minute 70
change my pocketbook." Change ity'
Yes, had no idea the day was so hot;
started out with my sealskin pocket5ook.'
4 sm all boy, who was playing truant, tho
other day, when asked ifhe wouldn't geta
whipping when he got home, replied ;--
"What Is five minutes licking TO five hours
Of fun ?' ti
Inteligentw said the mar Of his setter
dog. "IIc knows heap, sir. Why, once
he took dislike to a man and went and in
duced the man 10 kick him 50 | would
lick the man! Fack, sir y
Washington scene Deep-yoced guzzlcr-
Hi, waiter bring me three more schoon-
ersw Awe-struck spectators, whispering:
THAT must be the new secretary Of the ma
Wy"
"Oh. dear w exclaimed Edith to her doll,
81 do wish you would sit still. Inever saw
such an uneasy thing in all my life. Why
don't you act like grown folks, and be still
and stupid for awhile.
az should like to see somebody abduct
me-" said Mrs Smith, a. the breakfast table
the other morning. HIM 50 should !, my
dear, so should /" said Mr.. Smith, with cx-
ceeding earnestness.
They tell me Brown has great ear for
music" said Henderson. "Yes," replied
Fogg; 81 knew he had great ear two Of
them, in fact but did not know that they
were for music. ! supposed they were for
brushing flies off the top Of his head"
"What did you say the conductors name
was?' "Glass-Mr Glass" 20, no" But
it is" "Impossiblc-it can't bc."-"And
why not pray ?" "BccaIse, sir, Glass is a
non-conductor" lDeafening applause from
the scientific passengers.
'Yes. this must be the ladies' cabin,"
said voting lady to her friend as they halt
cd at the door Of the cabin Of a Fulton fer
ryboat and peered inquisitiyely in. "Why
doyou think so ?" doubtiDgly ssked the 9TH
er. ooh, because there are so many men in
IT," was the answer.
"Arc you going to take that ugly pug dog
with YOU again, Carrie7" asked Charles. Il
really believe you take him simply to make
yourself look prettier by the contrast." -
DON'T be jealous Of poor Pug, Charlie" re-
piled Carrie. 'T'll take you some time when
| want to look especially handsome
This sorry Spectacle is Plumber. Heis
ragged and Cold and Hungry. lie is Very,
very Poor. When you See him Next Spring
he will be Very, very Rich, and will wear
Diamonds and Brosd-cloth. His wife Takes
in Washing now, but she will be able to
move in the First Circles by the Time the
Weather turns Warmer and the Pansies
Bloom again. ..4
Here wehayc q BABY. It's composed Of
a Bald Head and Pair Of Lungs. One Of
the Lungs take. & Rest whileth Other runs
the Shop. One of Them il always On Deck
all of the Time. The Baby is Bigger man
than his Mother. He likes to Walk around
with his Father at Night. Little Girls, you
Will Never Know what 1t is % BE Father.
When an Austin, Texas, schoolmastez en-,
tered his temple of oflearning few days ago,
read onthe blackboard the touching legend,
"Our teachers is donkey" The pupilsek-
pected there would be a combined cyclone
and earthquake, but the philosophical ped
agorue contented himself with adding the.
word "driyer" to the legend, and opened the
school with prayer as usual.