Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1882-03-23

Odds and Ends.

The watch shall he known by it.
works.
Last words of Webster: 'Zy thepsary
zythum."
The most esthetic bugle call in thu
army is tattoo.
An opera singer always steers clear
OF lighthouse.
whale gave it up.
IfyOu really want to be hermit, keer
polecat for pet.
The black crook-A darkey's elbow
while takin' suthin'.
If you lean against feather-bed II
will get down on you.
The first extra 'di;ion +" treaty was
made by the newsboys.
How can a man and wife be one, when
the woman is won herself.
'Come, brace up" as the suspenders
said to the baggy trousers.
A striking car-tune-"COmr, now,
pay your fare or I'll bounce yOu!"
The best thing in bonnets continues
to be as in the past-a pretty face.
The inventor of the burglars 'jim-
my" hardly deserves prys medal.
When New York Republicans want
to hire hall they go to Tammany.
The originator of the fine tooth comb
should be given the Order of the Bath.
The young lady who banged her hair
Mt looking-glass, did not break the
glass.
Poultry, burlesque actresses and cav
airy officers frequently appear in un-
dress.
Why is "g'' the darkest letter i'm the
alphabet. Because it's in the center of
night.
knowledge is never at a loss for wind
power.
Barnum's baby elephant will proba-
bly, draw well-at least until it is
weaned.
Wise is he who drinks beer sparing-
1y, Budweizer is he who let's il alone
altogether.
The Cat is the great America prima
donna. Her dreaniest sO-low is per-
fectly distinct.
The ordinary life of locomotive is 80
years. Probably it would live longer if
it didn't smoke.
While stingy husbands are not pop
ular, every maiden likes to have her
beau very close.
IF his love lies dreaming, what show
is there for getting the truth out of her
when she's awake?
The new dentist graduates are look
some broad achers.
The breezy burglars evening pleas
antry: 81 always raise the wind when
l blow open SAFE"
The Winnipeg Sun speaks of Lolita MS
"one of the finest soprano leggieri Oh
the American stage"
American plumbers ought not to
travel i'm Scotland. That's the country
where they bag-pipers.
The difference between n hungry man
and a gluttOn is, one longs to eat and
the other eats too long.
When the gymnast's house took fire,
his presence Of mind did not desert him.
He threw out his chest.
The "Charge of the Heavy Brigade"
was about twelve dollars per month
and ratiOns for each man.
A wife should he like roast lamb, ten
der and nicely dressed. No sauce re-
quired if one prefers peas.
1t seems funny when all the long
distance walkers are a-fOot that only
one Ct them can keep AHEAD.
Bimmrlbammelbum is one of the
convenient words sometimes worke ell
into verse by German rhymers.
Poor men unable to properly feed and
clothe their families now regret that
they were not born Russian refugees.
Connecticut is queer State. A Hart
ford pap.r announces the brit. of IA
daughter to Jane and Sarah Trun-
bull"
A San FranriscO man died, leaving
n 5000 will i'm all old boat. He had
his own. notions, i: appears, rs to
lrgacies.
There is no necessity of mincing mat
tiers until next Thanksgiving and
Christmas, Mt which time it is "meat"
you should do sd.
A Chicago woman writes from WASH
lngtOn thtt "whlle the senator plots IN
caucus room, the Senatress purSuades
in salon or boudoir."
Pride goes before fall, and pride
also turns up alter winter. Some
women are now preparing to stick six
feathers i'm one bonnet.
Usually marriage is fatal to fe-
male soprano, the upper notes going
very rapidly" Yes; at about the rate
his high notes disappear.
The reason no photographer can take
a picture of q kiss is because there are
too many noses and lips in the way to
get at the genuine quicker.
"Jane," he said" think if you lifted
YOUR feet from the fire we might have
some heat in the roOm." And they
had not been married long.