The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1882-03-09
HuMoRs OF THE DAY.

DOES q man break into humor when
he cracks joke?
IT IS no longer matter of pride to
have a high forehead. A COW has that,
and she is very low-ly.
In UNION there is strength. "Poor
Toms cold" but Tom and Jerry's hot.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
THE best description we have ever
heard of slow man was that he was too
slow to get out Of his own way.-Loa0eu
Courier.
WHEN the washerwoman calls for
young mans linen, does that make her
q shirt-caller? Neckst. = Steu6envitte
Herald.
"MoNEY makes my ma CO." said little
Skeesicks when his mother, armed with
a $40 greenback, left for downtown
shopping tour.
ENoUIRER: Are plants in sleeping
room unhealthy? Not necessarily. We've
seen some very healthy plants growing
In sleeping rooms.
"DoNT you think that Miss Brown is
a very sweet girl?" asked Henry. "Oh,
yes, very sweet" replied Jane; that Is
to say, she is well preserved. +"
''ARE you dead, Tim?" said an Irish
father to his son, who had fallen down
well. "Not dead, father, but spache-
less, came up from the depths.
No WOMAN e'er contented is,
No malIer what she got;
For when she builds little house
She always wants lot.
-hac~e sack Republican.
cit Is poor taste to laugh at your own
Jokes" said f, nderson; something [
never do, through do say it. "Does
anybody else ever laugh at them?'
asked Fogg.
A BROOKLYN man has just found his
sister ffom whom he has been separated
! fifty years. She was the cook III his
boarding house, and he recugnized the
| style OF her nash.
"HAvE you any faith in mince pie as
cure for headacne?' asked one young
married lady OF another. ''Yes," was
the reply, "brlng out your mince pie.
1 get nllnce-pie headaches regularly"
WHEN Brown complained OF rush of
! blood to the head Fogg endeavored to
! ease his niInd by reminding Inn that
| nature abhors vacuum, and Browns
blood rushed to his head worse than
ever.
oman and wife are all one, are they?"
said she. Yes; what OF lt?" said he
suspiclously. why, in that case,"
said his wife, "I came home awfully
tipsy lest night and feel terribly ashamed
OF myself this morning." He never said
q word.
At YOUNG ladies' seminary recently,
during an examination in history, one Of
the pupils was interroyated thus:
"Mary, did Martin Luther die natural
death?" "No," was the reply; che was
communicated by bull Harvard
L0nepoon.
LITTLE EDITH was terribly sleepy the
other night. She began her customary
prayer upon retiring, but when she got
as tar as ''Our Father" her eyes closed
and her head tumbled on to the pillow.
81 tan't tay it tonight, she said, "I'm
too s'eepy. He knows the vest of it. %
A LECTURER was once in dilemma
which he will probably never forget.
While talking about art he ventured the
assertion, 'Art can never improve ma
ture." And at that moment some one
in the audience cried out III grutf voice.
"Can't he? Well, then, how do you
think you would look without your wig -
"MEMoRY is wonderful thing" said
Jack M.lrer to his friend Dan Watts.
"Just think OF what fellows head can
hold! It's gigantic, sir giganticr'
Watts-"I have often heard your friends
say you have very fine memory, Jack. +"
Miller (fattered -" Well, that's very
kind. Yes, have pretty good memory %
Watts" Do you think you can recall
the ten dollars lent you three years
ago?"