Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-09-08
FLOATING FUN.

WY - Va
Best expressed on tombstones-grave
sentiments.
Be content with your lot-especislly
If its a corner one.
Numbering man with brick might
be called brick kiln.
Ii your friends don't stick to you
this weather, your clothes do.
The ice that ought to prevail-just-
&c. The ice that does, avar-ice.
A reason given why piano was not
saved at a fire, was that none of the
tiremen could play on it.
A soft ant, sir, turneth away the pic
nicker from the custard pie.
Does it stand to proof that pig is
an old soldier, because he is q pen
sumner.
Latin is dead language, and that is
why d'ctors use it for writing out their
prescriptions.
A sociable man is one who, when he
has ten minutes to spare, goes and
bothers somebody who hasn't.
Buckwheat fields now dot the rural
landscape, and in few months buck
wheat cakes will dot the rural COM
plexion.
The sting of a bee is only one-thirty-
second OF an inch long. 1t is only your
Imagination that makes 1t seem as long
as hoe-handle.
When you read of the shady groves
and sylvan dellS and hidden waterfalls
and cool forests, don't get anxious.
Let a dozen mosquitoes hop on to you
and you'll feel as if you were there.
A medical journal calls attention to
"The Habits of the Hair" Yes, by the
way, that's terrible bad habit hair
has, that of coiling itself in the butter
dish.
The trouble with Keely seems to be
that the secret of his motor is locked
up in his brain and he has forgotten
the combination.
Aprons have become artistic, and
disdain to be called pinafores. They
are now finished at the lower edge by
being Topped up out of sight.
ga new broom sweeps Clean 1t
dosn't if the boy is sweeping up the
back yard and the gang is waiting 30
get up on his roof to raise kite.
The man who took seat in the
orchestra when his ticket was for the
second balcony felt bad at having to
change. In fact, he was moved two
tiers.
They have taken to introducing sew
ing machines among the Indians, and
before long it will be with difficulty
that a brave will be able to read his
evening paper in quiet.
''The number of boues in man." we
are told, sis 240." Just after partaking
of shad breakfast the number may
be increased to 250-i the man doesn't
choke to death ON the fourth bone.
The fiat hat that is so prevalent at
this time is liked by the young men
who wear it, because they can reach
over the edges and hold it on with
their ears when the wind blows.
There is nothing like settling down."
said the retired merchant confidently
to his neighbor. "WAen | gave up
business | settled down and found l
had quite comfortable fortune. If |
had settled up should not have had Il
cent"
"My brudders," said waggish color
ed man to crowd, Gin al infection, in
all OBJ your troubles dar is one, 'Whar
you can always find sympathy"
"Whar2 Wharf" shouted several. ain
de dictionary" he replied, rolling his
eyes skyward.
stSome other folks would deceive you
about these goods, but have been i'll
the business twenty years and never
told a lie" sail the g.uIele SIS dry goods
clerk. "And why do you begin nOW'
said the gentle fair one in front of the
counter as she gathered her draperies
together and glided away.
When friend asked a reformed in
ebriate the cause of his reformation,
he said Gas you are married you
will quite understand it when | say
getting tipsy made me see my mother
in-law double!'
A paper watch in good running order,
has been exhibited by a Dresden
matchmaker, evidently made from a
newspaper, the subscription of which
has been running on time" for several
years.
A lot of ST. Louis heirs were much
agitated by the unexpected reappear-
ance Of supposed dead man whose
Estate was being administered. The
heirs tried to smile asd look glad to
see BIN, but it was terribly hard work.
The man who evoke to ecstasy the
living Tyre" is notified that it would
have been just as we'll if the living liar
had been allowed to slumber on. We
have enough living liars now. What
the world needs is few dead ones.
Said the night Waterman when about
du-k he was invited to drink Il cup of
coffee, "No, thank you; coffee keeps
me awake all night" Then he saw
his plumber, looked very embarrassed
and tried to explain. But it VAS no
use.
Scientists OF the east are now
troubled as to the origin Of the name
of beautiful little animal, that we be-
live is called pole cat. AS we under
stand it, they call this aromatic bird
polecat because it Was the proper
thing to kill it with pole hundred
yards long.
You may go into BARRIERS shop ard
find every chair filled, and say to one
of the BARRIERS: "Here, I'm in hurry.
Cut that mans throat and throw him
into the corner to die" You may ex-
plain afterward to the man that you
only said it in joke. but you never can
convince that man that you are his
friend
A doctor went ous west to practice
his profession An Old friend met him
on the street one day and asked him
how he was succe eding in his business.
First rate, he replied; "I've had one
case" "Well, and what was THAI? ut
was BIRTH" said the doctor. Glow
did you succeed, with THAR "WeI,
the old woman died, and the child
died; but | think III save the old man
yet"
I,I-