The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1882-09-28
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

A pretty girl of eighteen is boot
black in Galveston. She takes the
shine out of the fellows.-Ne1O York
Commercial.
"They tell me you have had some
money left you," said Brown. "Yes,"
replied Fogg, sadly, "it left me long
ago. ."--BoStOB TRANSCRIPT.
The average life of locomotive is
only thirty years, but the average life
of locomotive engineer is sixty. me
engineer can jump.-PhHadetph'd
Ne1cS.
At Norwich, Miss Maria Baker was
married to Mr.. Butcher. The bride
was given away by her uncle, Mr..
Brewer, and the clergyman who mar
ried them was Mr.. Painter--Quiz.
az can marry any girl 1 please" he
said, with a self-satislied-if-you-loved-
a-girl-would-you-marry her expression
of countenance upon his languid face.
mo doubt" she responded: "but what
girl do you please?' They don't speak
now.
Old gentleman Cooking at very
bob-tailed horse): "Bless me! how
short they have cut his tail Attend
ant: Ellis master is a member OF the
Society for the Protection of Animals,
sir. In this fashion he will not annoy
the poor flies
A correspondent asks: "What time
of year do the days begin to shorten ??
When you have note in bank. ~
note in bank is the great annihilator
of time. The days are crowded to-
gether in thin layers, and the nights
are like smear from a backing
brush.-ArkanSas Traceler.
The title of the. lesson was, The
Rich Young Man, and the golden text
was cone thing thou lackest." A
teacher in the primary class asked q
little tot to repeat the two, and look
ing earnestly into the young lady's
face the child said: cone thing thou
laclest-a rich young man.'-Congre-
g0tionoIist.
A boy paid his first visit to one of
the public schools the other day as Il
scholar, and as he came home at night
his mother inquired: "Well, Henry,
how do you like going to schoolT'
Bully" he replied iG an excited voice,
q saw four boys licked, one girl get
her ear pulled, and a big scholar burned
his elbow on the stove. l don't want
to miss day"
They were talking about dogs-the
habits, comparative intelligence, etc.
of those sagacious animals - when
young Rutherbert said: "tWell, sir, my
dogs dandy, he is. You ought tC
Just see him sometimes, Honestly,
believe he has more sense than | have
"That's very doubtful compliment
for the dog" said old Mr.. Gloomy, wh(
sat over in corner.
"Those people," said the pastor
solemnly, after giving out his text
"who are either too poor or too
, stingy to afford fly screens at home
: are perfectly welcome to sleep in thi
5 church every Sunday morning" Ant
p then he went on with his sermon, bu
! he preached to the wide-awakest con
: gregation good man ever looked
p down upon.-HdDkeye.
< Did you ever see a woman mail
Y letter? She will undertake to drop i
e into the box; then she draws it bacl
Y and scans the directions; tries tn
4 stamp to see that it is on fast; scruti
e nizes the gummed side and runs he
G finger over it once or twice; then give
n it che or two sudden Jerks, which sen,
: IL rapIuIy IutU tlsU LUl. clIO tho-A p oep
. in to see if it went through.
l. "What a man your father isl eX
j claimed Mrs. Homespun, looking u
!, from the letter she held in her hano
!, "IIe says he has bought a Frenc
d clock, and shall bring it home wit
a him. What will it be good for eXceI
l as an ornament? None of us can tie
II the time by it, unless you can, Edit
t You know something about Frencl
/ don't you ?"-BOSton Transcript.
?; A man in Iowa has invented me-
l. fastening for horse collars. tits luck
I. that the horses collar does not taste
to button in the back of his shir
I; because if it did, judging from huma
le experience, when it flew off after
Dt had broken his thumb nail trying
IL crowd it into new button hole,
- would Just kick the stuffing out
anything he was hitched to, even if
It, was freight car.-BOStOn Bulletin.
Va | .4
IN The First American Circus.
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