The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1882-01-19

ID. is the Cradle. Cinc'nndn SATURDAY
Night.
A Professor Cunning, up in Michigan,
is ecturing on CATER Man, WHAT" A
Fort Wayne editor, who has been there,
rises 10 remark that il is generally the
sheriff or some woman. Hauhew.
"I sing arms" said Virgil; but that was
before there was such thing as isinglass.
I'm France such a pun would condemn
such n man to the gelatine.- Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
Keyhole Caution: When man is about
to be told secret he shuts the door. When
it is a woman she opens the door to he sure
no one is listening outside. French Fun.
Counsel for Prisoner "Did you see the
prisoner at the bar knock down the
deceased!" Pat: "No, yir Honor; he
was alive when see him knocked down."
Detroit Free Press.
What is wanted in these days is not so
much the elevation OF the stage a. the en-
largement OF the means OF exit from the
auditorium. -lSOmeryiHe journal.
The papers all over the country have
been ridicuing the big hats worn by
women in the theatre. We had said moth
ing upon the subject, for the hats we have
seen offer nothing to be enlarged upon
LO,reH Citizen.
"No, ma" she said, "Charles can never
be anything to me more. He has come out
i'm his last seasons OyercOat; and oh, ma,
il il only matched my new dress wouldn't
care so much, but it doesn't, and we have
parted Boston star.
WYour arguments are sound. my son.
and delivered with force" said the clergy
man to his boy, who had been banging
away at his drum for an hour or more !:
"but we have heard quite enough on that
head. "-BoStOn Transcript.
We look forward anxiously to the day
when the aesthetic craze will take the form
OF paste-pot insanity. We've got two we
desire to sell for old Etruscan vases at 4
ruinously low figure-say $1,000 for the
pair NetC York Commercial Advertiser.
Forty years ago, when Mrs. Mowatt was
playing Juliet to crowded house, and she
Law dead in the tomb, she contriyed TO ask
Romeo how the scene was going. "Beau-
tifully," he answered, "the people down
stairs have to put up umbrellas to prevent
being drowned by the tears Of those in the
ry."-ETchange.
He: May | call you Revenge2 She {:
WHY? He: Because Revenge is sweet. ."
She: Certainly you may, provided, though,
YOU will let me call you Vengeance. He /:
And why would you call me Vengeance {!
She Because vengeance is mine. "-EL-
change.
New Workers mediate new line OF
steamers which are to make the trip to Eu-
rope in six days. This is pretty quick
ocean travelling; but until line is started
that will beat a cable dispatch Americas
deiaulting bank cashiers will not feel SAFE
NorriStolrn Herald.
Darwin, in his new book, estimates that
there are in gardens SO, 767 worms to the
acre. This talles with our count when we
were digging garden and didn't care a
nickel about finding worms; but when we
wanted bait for fishing, the garden didn't
pan ont n dozen worms TO the acre. They
had all cmigrated to the garden OF some
other fellow who never goes a-fishng.-
NOrriStoDn Herald.
"What do you think OF my article on
the political situation!" inquired Fender
sou. Everybody have heard speak OF
l." replied FOgg, "praiSeS it very highly"
"Do thew" said Henderson, eagerly.
"Whom have you heard speak Of it,"
"NobOdy but yourself" said Fogg care
leSsly. Henderson says he has learned one
thing-namcly, when he gets Il compliment
again he shall be satisfied to take it as it is
given. Hereafter he shall not ask for bill
OF particulars Boston Transcript.
In the theatre she sat. with her big-moon
beaver hat, and the jewels on her bosom
brightly 1aring; behind her there were ten
or dozen angry men, who ut the belle
were wildly, sadly swearing. -SUeeiD IN
BREAKFAST Table. And one OF them said
that he'd be glad TO shoot the hat which the
maiden with the bangs was proudly wear
ing; but man was made TO mourn, the hats
made to be worn, and their only course was
to continue swearing. Oil city Derrick.
A Seyenth-Ward lady has had the oil
cloth taken OFF the bows to the top OF her
two-Seated phaeton, and is having a mill
liner trim it with velvet and feathers, and
she will wear it for bonnet. 1t will look
well at theatre. One thing we shall in
sist on, if the ladies are going to wear such
extraordinary hats, and that is that VIM
dow be placed at the rear, the same as a top
buggy, so parties sitting back Of them can
look through and see what is going on on
the stage. There is nothing unreasonable
about that.-Peck'S Sun.
Jones was sitting on the front steps the
other night waiting for his sweetheart TO
come out. She knew what time to come,
and Jones didn't wish to ring the bell for
fear OF alarming the old folks. Presently
he heard the door open, and the old man
muttered something about somebody's
being "too fresh" :" Do you address
yourself to mei" said Jones, springing up
with flashing. NO" said the old gem
tleman, mildly, 81 was speaking of the
paint on the steps. 1t was put there this
afternoon" Jones clapped his hands to
the spot, and, realizing the force OF the
old gentleman's remarks, reached his room
in five minutes Carson city appeal.
Last Thursday a Saginaw man pleaded
guilty TO driving his horse faster than six
miles an hour, and paid 50 fine. That puts
us in mind OF another Saginaw man who
drove what he considered fast horse, and
one day he got a friend to complain on him
for fast driving, and then pleaded guilty
and paid the fine. Being asked why he did
that he said that il would add 800 TO the
value OF his horse TO have II reported that
he was arrested for fast driving. But
why did you plead guilty." Well, the
fact is was afraid it couldn't be proved
by anybody else !'-Sdgiadn Courier.
Mr.. b, who had a store in the coun-
try and employed a number OF wood-chop-
pers, who were his principal customers,
had one among them named Jones, who
was constantly behind in his weekly settle
ments. One day Mr.. B Informed Jones
that it could be tolerated no longer, and
hereafter il he wished 10 obtain anything