Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1882-07-07
Why He MOurned.

"If you've got the time Ia like tt
have YOU write little something about
the deceased said the little man quiet
", something pretty mourntul, If you
please
WHO is dead - inquired the manag.
ing editor, dropping his pen III the ink.
pot. Friend OF yours:'
well, yes" replied the little man.
leaning over the table. "She was my
wife. Her wings sprouted yesterday
and we turied her this p. m. She was
"a superior article of remains, and |
thought I'd have you speak good word
for her in the public, with something
about other papers copying 1t at the
bottom"
"Where was the piant?" asked the
editor, scratching his head for appro-
prately melancholy ideas. .
ave set her out up in Cypress Hill.
replied the mourners wiping his eyes.
"We had a ten-dollar discourse and a
forty.dollar funeral. You might speak
of casket. That cost fifteen dollars
alone. and there must have been eight
or nine dollars worth of flowers and
shrubs, and one thing or another
81 might say she was popular and
generally beloved by all who knew her
in lite, eh?" suggested the editor.
You bet! And tnat'll make her sis
ter mad. You may say she was the
handsomest woman in her police pre-
cinct, and that there were four carriages
chock full. Tfyou want a nice piece of
descriptive, you might add that | rode
on the hearse with the driver
sand atfectionate wife and loving
mother?" limited the editor.
"Well,' coughed the little man. "lf
you've got plenty of time and room
Perhaps you'd better pay mere atten-
ton to the handles of the casket Id
show 'em to YOU. Genuine plate. and
he drew them from his pocket. Tie
screws were all silver headed, but they
thought I'd better leave them
"Was she prominent in any ofthe
charitable rackets? Much in the Sum
day-school buslness9" asked the editor.
Eyes, some. She belonged to a
gross or two of old women's homes and
a couple o'dozen of chlldren's temper
ance societies, but that didn't cut much
figure at the funeral. You might
speak of the number present and say
that several friends of the remains were
ammed about a good deal trying to
get sight at her. We showed her at
he grave, and though l say it myself, |
hinE the coffin plate was much adj
nred."
"Then she was a worthy, Christian
charitable and kindly disposed, :
md departed sincerely mourned by a 6
arge circle OF friends!"
"Oh, yes" sighed the bereaved. 81 II
lon't see any objection to that. You
night follow it up by remarking that
Ter Frustrated husband gave her as
God a send off as any woman in that
,ard ever had. The headstone comes !
0 SIS, and lost ten to my brother-in-
Nv betting that the hearse could beat
he mourner's carriage to the first toll
ate on the old road coming home. I'd
Ike to have it known that | did the fur
hing, though l don't care to look like {
was blowing about the expense" v
"Did she leave any chlldren9"
ayes, Oh, yes, she left 'em. They
ent with her as far as the grave. 1t
:ood me in SCI to fit them out with OF
REF for the occasion. But 1 don't FIR
egrudge it. When I spend money l
alculate to get the worth of 1t, and no. .,
ody hears me complain. l paid SIS as
,r the clothes she was shoveled under as
l."
"Did she leave any property =,
"A couple of houses and lots, bu or
ou needn' mention them. lust speak
it as the social event of the season =
funeral circles, IN which no expense
as spared tc make it a gratifying Sue .
.ss. and you'll hit it about even. The /
,ighbors are all watching for the pa |
II, and you'll make little something
1t of the sales if you do the right thing.
ou might say in to-day's paper that
e notice will appear tomorrow, so as
advertise it a little" and the pros
tied husband put on his hat and but
ned up his coat.
and the managing editor wrote a II
nple, touching little tribute to the
emory of the woman whose qualities
re buried under her funeral bills;
d the Frustrated husbandshowed
around, explaining that he 81
uldn't imagine how the paper got
Id of the fact unless it was that the ,
porter was present disguised as one LII
"the friends of the remains
\ third presbyterian church has
m organized in Canton, China, with N
members. Two natlye Bull
erS were chosen