Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-06-29
The New Irish Land Question.
sQUIBs TO SMILE OVER.

In Western mine there is this notice
"Do not fall down this shaft, as there are
men at work at the bottom of it.
A scientist says "The big comet is now
dashing toward spotted SUM-" It's aim,
no doubt, is to "knock the spots off it"
Old lady (apropos of wiry and ancient
leg of mutton)-"D'ye mean to say that
this is lamb" Butcher" Csrt'n'ly
mum - Old lady" Maybe it was, once /;
you and l was lambs about the same time"
"This is just my luck" said the gloomy
man at the theater Here's a perform.
ance going that's so bad it's agonizing to
witness, and its the first time in six months
that haven't had woman with a bath
tub hat in front of me when I've been to
the theater."
1t was Doctor Oliver Wendell Holmes,
we believe, to whom, as he waited for
prescription, the druggist said That is
my son, sir, sitting by You; don't you think
he looks likes me ?" I" Well, yes" re-
piled the poet, al think can see come of
your linments in his face"
They were discussing religious questions.
Said Brown: Il tell you that, if the other
animals do not exist after death, neither
does man. There is no difference between
man and beast. "If anybody could con-
vince me of that it would be you, Brown, !"
replied Deacon Jones, denlurely.
A city chap who had escorted country
girl to the theater, thinking to please her,
went out and bought some apples. When
he placed them in her lap she spoke up
loud enough to be heard all about, What
do you take me fora cider MILL" City
chap collapsed he couldn't stand the press
Scene in French photograph gallery
| Country woman have come, sir, to
have picture of my poor dead husband
made. He-he died three months ago -"
Every well, my good woman, very WELL
Have you any portrait or daguerreotype or
anything of the loved and lost ?" "N-no,
sir, but bursting into tears-"I have
brought his birth certificate F."
A good old lady, speaking IN prayer
meeting and giving expression to the joy
and confidence she felt, said 81 feel as if
l was ready, this minute, to fall into the
arms of Beelzebub." abraham You
mean Abraham !" hastily corrected a
brother sitting near. "Well, Abraham,
then," was the response, sit don't make
any difference. They're both good men. "
"Well, remarked Jones the other day,
60 see by the papers that Jenkins is hav-
ing a strong pressure brought to bear on
him to allow his name to be used as can
didate for the office of =" guess" re-
marked Simpkins, as he tilted back in his
chair, tilted his hat over his eyes and spat
ON the stove, squirting refiectively the
while at the last man who had dropped in
to purchase a two.for-five Havana, 81
guess he's like the rest of the boys. The
pressures mostly internal"
Practical young belle to utterly utter
young man "Algernon - "What is it,
my pensive Lillie?'' "You ought to study
up the theory of ensilage, Algernon. "
"And what is ensilage, my languid one %
ooh, it shows how to keep green things
green till the winters gone, Algernon and
don't you wish to live till spring, Algy p
| The cold winter air from the hastily raised
window blew across the sunfowered dado,
and Algernon revived sufficiently to be
taken home in herdic. But those two
young hearts will never again beat il
unison.
"No. my daughter" said New Haven
matron, - cannot consent to your longer
keeping company with young Jaykins.
He had the insurance to call me dowa-
geress right to my face, the other even.
ing" "Why, ma. that isn't anything
bad at ALL" 1t is lucky for the young
man that it is not. Had he assumed to
insulate me l would have pitched him
over the baningsters. "Oh, dear ma,
wish you wouldn't mix metaphors so, "
and both women rushed for the dictionary
to substantiate the correctness of their
language.