St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-11-24
SquibS.


"What are you doing with The cane 9'
at isn't ii cane ''What is it, then ?"
ITS an umbrella without any clothes
on"
Langtry 4! Nilsson Patti All in
America at once. All taking away
American money in heaps. Why has
no one gone before the tariff commits
sion and demanded protection for home
talent 2 The duty on Langtry ought to
be at least $50, ,OO0.- Louisville Cour-
ier-Journal.
One of our exchanges yesterday con
tanned an elaborate editorial entitled
"The Bright Side of journalism" The
editor, it is presumed, had just received
fifty bottles of "Liver Purifier in pay
for column advertisement one year
and tifty-two reading notices. .- Nor
ristown Herald.
Response of a gilded youth to one of
his friends who had Just announced
formally his approaching marriage: Il
should like to be able to congratulate
you both, but You see, as do not know
the lady | can't cOnscicntiously con
gratulate you, while as do know you
| can't conscientiously congratulate the
lady"
A London paper describes an Amer
lean girl in that city who ''wears Il
gown with flight of embroidered
swallows, beginning on her left shoul-
der and ending at her right foot; and
swallows also fly about her paIasOl."
The American youth in London is also
addicted to ''swallows," but they don't
begin on his left shoulder. They be
gin under his nose and run down his
throat Norristown Herald.
A Partisan, having advertised for
coachman, was called upon by candi
date, who referred him to Il celebrated
physician for information in regard to
his qualities. The gentleman called on
the physician, who simply took his pen
and wrote on il piece of paper that his
former servant was reliable, punctual
and polite coachman. Taking the pa
per in his hand and thanking the writ
er for it, the man turned to leave but
the physician called him back 81 beg
your pardon, sir, but my terms for Il
consultation are forty francs.".- La
| Figaro.
Sir Andrew Agnew was famous for
y =
them will be best ascertained by the
/ following anecdote Sir Andrew hav-
ing for some time been pestcrcd by an
impertinent intruder, it was one day
. remarked to the baronet that this man
4 no longer appeared in his company,
aud asked him how he cOntrived to get
rid of him. ''In TRUTH" said the barO-
net, Il was obliged to give the chiel a
| broad hint "a broad hint ~ replied
| the friend. 81 thought he was one o.
those who could not take hint" ''By
my faith but he was forced to take
it," answered Sir Andrew; 'for as the
fellow would uot 90 out by the door, |
threw him out of the window"
A correspondent of the New York
Post says that the Goldfish frequcnts
''the table-landS of the sea" The cod
! fish does this to secure as nearly
as possible dry, bracing atmOs-
phere. This pure air of the sub
marine tablelands gives to the Goldfish
that breadth of chest and depth Of
lungs which we have always noticed
| The glad, free smile of the Goldfish is
largely attributed to the exhilaratiou
of this oceanic altitoodleum. The cor
] iul llitl say ; llitll lut Nbh
subsists largely on the sea cherry =
! Those who have not had the pleasure
of seeing the Goldfish climb the sea
cherry tree in search of food, or club
bing the fruit from the heavily laden
branches with chunks of coral, have
missed very fine sight. The Goldfish,
when at home rambling through the
submarine forests, does not wear hir
vest unbuttOned, as he does while loaf
ing around the grocery stores Of the
United States Laramie Boomerang.
During the palmy days of the income
tax, and when blanks were mailed Ia
even tailOrs' apprentices, a farmer liv-
ing near Columbus, o., called upon {
lawyer in that city and said 'TH
afraid I'll have to pay an income taN
on about $500" "ls that so? Thai
would be too bad" eyes; the bare
idea makes me feel terrible. ! want tC
figure with you and see if we can't beat
the government" The two sat down
and went over income and expenses a
dozen times over, but figure as they
would there was $500 on which income
should he paid. II have it, have it .
suddenly exclaimed the lawyer as q
light broke in on him. "YOu must re-
turn $500 as lent on note for year
I'll give you my note Z; take the money,
and Uncle Sam may whistle I'm he
hanged if ! don't do it :" cried old corn
stalk, and do it he did. He hadn't
been able to collect anything on that
note up to year ago, but he beat the
government all the same Wall Street
News.
A goose who was prowling through
the forest one day in search of prey
observed a wolf sitting on the limb OF
tree, and called out, Good morning
my dear. You are looking unusually
well this morning" ''That's all taify,
replied the wolf "Pon honor, but I'd
give thousand dollars to have youl
complexion." "Would your "Indeed
/ would. And such eyes as you hav,
got. Yum Yum ~ .'Do you really
think so p grinned the pleased wolf
You bet Why, if | had your form
I'D 90 on the stage and make my for
time" The wolf put his finger in hi,
mouth and looked silly and felt fiat
tered, aud the goose licked her chop,
and continued, "Please come down ana
let me take the pattern of your Goa
calls. Such a graceful set ! never saw
IN my travels The wolf came dowI
. with his ears working with delight
and had only reached the earth wher
the goose sprang upon him and chaweC
him into dish cloths. Moral-Bewart
of the guose.- Detroit Free Press.