The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-02-15

And takes you On the ear.
An Illinois girl found that she must either
give up her lover or her gum, and after one
day spent in reflection she pressed his hand
good-by and said she would always be q sis
ter to him.
A Newark Sunday school urchin's lllustra-
ton of responsibility: "Boys has WI but
tons for their 'spenders so's-to keep their
pants up. When one button comes off, why
there's a good deal of responsibility on the
other button"
During a dearth of news in q Western news
paper office, the office cat was jammed in the
job press, and the editor Immediately set up
the following head lines:
DREADFUL ACCIDENT!
NINE LIVES LOST!
In general pride is at the bottom of all
great mistakes. All the other passioes do
occasional good, but wherever pride puts in
its word everything goes wrong, and what
may be desirable to do quietly and innocent
ly, it is morally dangerous to do proudly.
An exchange has an article headed, t'Get
Hold Of a Boys Heart" That will do well
enough if it is a girl you are advising, but
we had rather get hold of q boys collar with
one hand and his pistol pocket with the
other. You can reason with a boy more that
way.
Ambitious hoy How is a good way to
start a circus? Why, you just get a girl to
write a love letter addressed TO your father,
and put it in the old mans pocket, where
your mall find it, and there'll be circus
enough to make happy the neighbors for
two miles around.
The Boston Commercial Bulletin tell it this
way: He slipped quietly in at the door, but,
catching sight of an inquiring face over the
couldn't get a car before" $50 the cars
were full, too" said the lady; and further re-
marks were unnecessary.
Thou art all the world to me, my love, my own,
My golden-haired, my starry-eyed, my pride!
More blest than monarch seated on his throne
Am |, my love, when thou art by my side.
The loving glaLces of thy soulful eyes,
The smiles that ripple on thy ruby lips
On whose red petals sw. eter honey lies
Than that the busy bee from roses sip
Assure me that thy he rt is mine alone;
No other in that bosom holds a place.
That thou art mine. my love, my very own,
Those bushes tell that crimson thy sweet face.
But can we, ii we marry, my dear love,
Can we, l ask the; Oh, my darling, speak!
Can w, my sweetest one, my lovey doYe,
Pay board for two on seven dollars . week?
The Louisville Courier-Journaz has dis
covered in its city a smoking club composed
of ''young women who crack the loudest
whips on the chariot of society," The girls
buy the very fnest and most delicately flaw
ored cigars and smoke by tYos and threes
in secret sessions at each others houses.
A gentleman somewhat advanced in life,
and who was never remarkable for his good
looks, asked his grandchiid what he thought
of him. The boys parents were present.
The youngster made no reply. "Well, why
don't you tell me what you think of me 2"
"'Cause I don't want to get licked" was the
answer.
A man with a silver-plated, double back
action coin holder came into the sanctum
the other day, and commenced explaining
the beauties Of the article for holding silver
halves etc, and he had gotten half through
before he found he was in q printing-off1ce.
When he saw his mistake, he went to the
door, sadly opened it. and kicked himself
clear down stairs.
In the New York State Supreme Cou-t,
Judge Donohue felt facetious, and was ban