The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1882-02-04
Sam Sperry's Pension.

From Harpers Magazine for February.
For more than two years it was the joke of
Bloomington Centre-that bright hope, that idle
dream, that fond delusive fancy, known as Sam
Sperrys Pension"
The wits who had congregated in the bar-room
and grocery of the Bloomington Centre post
Office sometimes had only sad consciousness OF
futility in their best efforts; the column OF
facetia in the local newspapers frequently palled
on the senses; but Sam Sperrys lank and stoop-
ing figure as he descended faithfully twice every
week. from his lone home on the distant noun
tain. to "Iearn the news from Washington" bore
with it an aroma of never-failing interest and
diversion.
"Any fetal dokkerments arrived for me?"
Sam was accustomed to inquire, on entering the
post-offce, with an air OF ill-cOneealed conse-
auence; and on being answered in the negative,
the look of sudden surprise and incredullty which
everspread his features was always as fresh and
real as it had been during the first six months
he had undergone the blow. His recovery was
as complete and instantaneous when, seated on
the counter with the boys" he derided the very
existence of his proud Nations capital in terms
of the most reckless sarcasm, or, in softer mood
induced by certain grateful rotations, palliated
the weakness of official judges with forbearance
which his listeners found even more irresistibly
entertaining.
"They think they're comm it over me, down
there to Washington" Sam observed on one oc-
casion, rolling his eyes upon his near neighbor
On the counter with a look which was dark with
ont menace and at the same time forcibly intro
ducing the sharp point of his elbow to that gen.
tlemaas ribs they think they're comm it over
me, down there to Washington. And all the
time they're hangin' off about my pension, what's
aecumulatin' down there?-what's accumu-
Iatin'?" Here Sans companion was actually
Obliged to move an inch or two away in order to
escape the too severe emphasis of that emaciated
elbow. Back pay' chuckled Sam; that's
what's accumulatin-back pay! Let em hold
off ten or dozen years longer, and III be swim
min in back pay-Ill be fairly wallerin' in it. ;"
With which the deeply confidential aspect of
Sans face changed to triumphant SHIPPER and,
turning to nudge another companion (as he sup
posed) on his right he inadvertently thrust his
elbow through the wrappage of large parcel of
sugar. the contents of which were scattered over
the grocery floor.
Sans expression of dismay was pitiful.
"Have it charged to your back pay, SAM" cried
an uproarious though cheerful voice.
Sam took the cue, and ever after that his
descent from the West Mountain, which had
before been significant of small invoice of
skunk's fur, blueberries, and the like, at the
Bloomington grocery, missed the hampering
weight of those hardly acquired products, and
Sans business transactions at the counter-the
understanding being good between the grocer
and those jolly Bloomington boys-were rounded
by a regally careless "Charge it to pension,
Ned-reg1ar pension OF back pay, don't care
which"
Rarely, very rarely, Sam really did find docu-
ment waiting for him at the post-ofice, marked
with the mysterious seal of the Department of
the Interior, and opened it with fingers of
trembling expectation, only to find a printed
sheet of painfully worded statistics, to the effect
that besides the two hundred and ninety thou
sand filed claims, Others were constantly being
entered, but that in due time each would receive
careful consideration" etc. His first heat of
desperate indignation yielded later to tears of
unaffected sentiment, as he murmured, Pen
sion!" L guess so, boys!- the grass IL be growing
over my grave before see any pension" and
Later still to smiles and hope again.
The gunshot wound in his right hand upon
which Sam had based his claim on the national
bounty was of small account compared with the
harm which he had suffered, both in body and
soul, from the soldiers camp life, the Southern
mazshes-above all, the Southern prisons.
Il don't know what Sam might a been, or
what he might not "a been" said Judge Holcomb,
prosperous citizen of Bloomington, who had
been incarcerated with Sam at Andersonville
Pom my honor, boys, he began uncommon
bright though he want never what ye'd call
perackler tough or long-winded. But can tell
ye one thing, Sam Sperry want never the same
man after he came out O. that prison"
Even after this asseveratiop I do not know