The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06
HUMOROUS.
1t is a man with a swelled jaw who
realizes that silence is golden.

|
realizes that silence is golden.
A young lady went into music shop
and asked the clerk if he had Loving
Eyes" lie replied: "I'm told so by
the girls"
A Kentucky book agent was attack
cd by robbers the other day, but he
succeeded in talking them to death be-
fore the villains could escape.
Essence Of chicken, is the name of a
Whltc Mountain hotel soup. The water
of which it was made is drawn from n
well near the henhouse.
An editor being askel, "Do hogs
pay?" says that great many do not.
They take the paper several years, and
then have the postmaster sond it back
Refused."
Perhaps no man was ever moro dis
turbed by trifle than the reporter
who, concerning the appearance of the
belle of the town at a picnic, intended
TO say, "shc looked all fait," and found
the types "-he looked all feet"
a well-meaning person gives hinis
telling GLOW to live on seventy-1v,
cents week." We shall continue T.,
live on eighty cents a week if we hay,
to run in debt. There is such thin;
as being too economical i Norristow,
Herald.
$500. go i-.i.- 1sot,inO ;~.~
omnibus, heard a gentleman make d.,
grumbling remark: "Omnibuses were
pot made for elephants" To this she
replied: "Sir, it is evident that omni-
buses are like Noah's Ark, intended 10
carry all sorts of beasts"
a correspondent asks, "What time tt
year do the days begin to shorten?'
When YOU have a note in bank. A no!,
in bank is the great annihilator of time
The days are crowded together in thip
layers, and Inc nights arc like smeni
from blac&ing brush.
a New Iork belle met with a sa'
loss while r. urning from a SUNNI,
resort the other day. BY some mea
her diary, containing the names of a.
the gentlemen She had become engage
to, dropped out Of the car window. an'
nUw -uc cant Tell which of her ms.
friends have night to kiss her.
y student oi human nature was th,
schoolma'am who undertook the cat,
Of school out West, where her pred,.
cessor, man, had been tossed throupl
'he window 5y The rebellious pupils
She got along splcndidly; and, whcn
asked how size managed in, replied
"Oh, easily enough, thrashed the litt,r
boys and mashed the big ones"
a i-l.--. ra,urun paper says thai
scissors are held with the broad blad'
uppermost. Tho informant at las
settles point which has bothered u
good many American editors who a
midnight have frequently lost good
item by their inability to decide whici.
blade should take precedence. Wha
they now require are directions for
Keeping the mucilage brush out of th,
ink bottle.
A news item states that can Ohiu
farmer who started for Il neighbor's e.
borrow some matches, about seventeen
years ago, has just got back" When
neighbors i've So Tar apart it would SAVE
time to resort to the primitive method
Of producing fire by rubbing a couple
of pieces of wood together. Just fancy
the thoughts of nat mans wife as she
sat in the dark, iight after night, for
seventeen years, waiting for her hus-
band to return. More than once she
must have impatiently exclaimed,
What keeps John, anyhow lie mus,
have gone 10 China iVr those matchesir
While speaking AZ an open air meet
inc Ta~-~
man in the crowd who shouted, Loud
,r!' The speaker raised his voice. L.
css than a minute the same man again
called, "Loudcr! Again the speaker
reacneu a'S u,voiee' until its volume
When the man ior HE third time called
.Jt3Hder.i,u HE. qta!o.r. paused for =
the period will al last arrive
when the vast machinery of this
universe must stop, and all its wheels
be motionless; when the spheres shall
cease to roll, and all the defined periods
of time be lost in eternity. In that
hour, when the mighty Gabriel shall
descend from the battlements of heaven,
and placing one foot on the sea and one
on the land, shall force blast from his
that shall revcberate through
out the rem otcst corners Of the universe,