Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-12-23
SATURDAY. Smiles.

The Philadelphia North american tells that
"a boy having been told that reptil lie lis an
animal that creeps.' on being asked the name of
one, promptly replied, "a baby" An old gen.
teman whose room In a boarding house is next
| to one In which baby resides wants the name
of that boy. He says the lad has the risht idea
and Is sure to make a great man.
Having failed to annihiIate Noses Mr. Robert
lngersOll will now turn his attention to the Rev.
De Witt Talmage. Folks will now BEGIN to
Post
What are we here fOr?-Flanagan of Teras /
should say as much.-.]Oe Broom, Of Georgia.
Boston Post
Did you ever observe how some women dur
ing prayers in church, lean over the back of the
next pew, like modern cherubs: This is par
ticularlarly noticeable when there is a new bon
net in the coIgregatiOn.-Hdchan Republic
can.
The statistical fiend has calculated that 67 per
cent OF marriages are unhappy. Yes, and 81 per
cent OF bachelors have holes in their stockings
and 100 per cent have the neckbands of their
shirts frayed so that they are only few de-
grees removed from guillOtine when starched
Who's ahead?- Wilmington Ne,cs
The time has come when the average man has
TO wrestle with the temptation to buy his wife a
smoking-cap and a box of cigars for a Christ
mas present. Philadelphia Ne,cs.
Malone wears no vest and no suspenders
This makes him frequent readjuster.-Ne,o
Orleans Picdy,tne.
Mr.. 1Ounghnsband. who has seven silver
ladies among his wedding presents. saws he is
IN favor of ''siiver-service reform. Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Cambridge joke.-'T don't know" replied
Montmorenci, cuttingly, with polite smile
but | know a man who had twins so much
alike that the only way to tell 'em apart was to
send one to Harvard and one to Yale. Then
one came back gentleman and one a Connec-
ticut rough. "-Harcdrd Herald
hungry man went to a church fair for his
''supper from to g." When thin oyster
broth appeared as the only nutriment he ex-
claimed with Hamlet so that this stew to solid
flesh would melt. Syracuse Herald
His boots want half-soleing and heeling, he is
out Of tooth powder, his umbrella looks like
an enlarged window ventilatOr, he lives in lodg-
lngs, and he is running short Of cOal-and the
| girl. whose heart In conjunction with his beats
as one. will send him green velvet smoking
cap embroidered with pink chenille. And he
| does not smOke.-Puck
Professor Zweibeer Is q rather dissipated old
man. who gives lessons on the flute for a living.
Giihooiy, VINO feels kindly interest In the old
man, took him aside and said to him! s'Profes-
sor, II you were to quit drinking. and keep
sober, you would be engaged to give lessons IN
some OF the first families Of Austin and make \
great deal of money" "DOt ish all humbug. :"
| said the old man. Indignantly 81 give lessons
so can get drunk, and now you wants me to
Keep sober so j can give lessons. Dot ish all
humbug. "-Teras Siffinas.
Colonel Hadley was telling fish story In the
presence of some friends, and his little bow.
Sammy. Yes" continued Hadley, '.it took me
half day to land that catfish 1 caught him in
| the Colorado river in the spring OF the year be-
fore the war He weighed. after he had been
cleaned, Just 1S5 lbs" "You can prove it by
me, pa. Don't you, remember, pa, how l slun9
him on stick, and carried him home" re.
marked little Sammy. so, you little liar! !
am ashamed of you," exclaimed Colonel Had.
testimony as to what happened before the war
| . almost as reliable as rome OF Bob IngersOil's
witnesses IN the star-route cases.-Texos Sift
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