Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1882-02-15
PLEAs/uHrRUA

"THIs is rather uphill work." said
the patient, when he threw up the doc
tors bolus.
TRE "fours Of habit" said the gam
bier, softly, as he dealt himself all the
aces in the pack. i-S
A BosroS doctor says high-heeled
shoes ruin the eyesight, and yet he cam
not be persuaded to look the other way.
car what age were you married? y m
quired one matron Of another. "At
the parsonage" demurely answered her
friend.
TIE army worm got as far ss Boston
when miss with eyeglasses called ID
by it's real name. It Immediately laid
down and died.
"TALMAoE On the North Pole " IL the
caption Of an article in an exchange.
Should think he would resemble jump
ing-iack in that position. ssii
AN experienced observer was once
asked, "What is the art OF winning .
woman" and answered about the
same thing as the art of driving pig to
market"
"WHY does donkey eat thistlesY
asked teacher of one of the largest
boys in the class. Because he il
donkey, I reckon" was the prompt
reply.
| IN the mountains--Arabella Whose
soul is wrapped in science): "Charles,
isn't this gneiss2" Charles (who is
deeply interested in Arabella): "Nice
It's delicious"
SOME ingenious observer has discov-
cred that there is remarkable resem-
blance between baby and wheat, since
it is Graded, then thrashed, and finally
becomes the flower Of the family.
TEE Marquis of Butte started daily
paper in Wales, and, after sinking about
s40O, 900 in the concern, shut up the
shop. As Marquis he is all right but
in journalism the Butte is on the other
leg.
A PROFESSOR OF French in an Albany
school recently asked pupil what was
the gender Of academy. The unusually
bright pupil responded that il depended
ON whether IL was q male or female
academy.
Two wELL-DREssED ladies were ex-
amining statue of Andromeda, labeled
Executed in terra Gotta" Says one,
"Where is that?" "I am sure don't
know" replied the other, but pity
the poor girl, wherever it was"
WILL some one who is versed in the
science of sound please get up and ex-,
plain why hotel waiter. who cant hear
the call Of hungry man two feet and
half away. can hear the jingle of quar-
ter clear across dining-room?
"WHERE' would we be without
women" asks wgiter. It's hard 20
determine jnst which way the majority
would drift, but some men would be
out OF debt and ont OF trouble, and a
good many others would be out At their
elbows.
MzrHEn seeking o eitustion 40 feot-s
man Tor nef rawponed son. Lazy
"Does he know how to wait at table p
Mother Yes, ma'am." Lady" Does
he know his way to announcer" Mother
-" Well, ma'am, I don't know that he
knows his weight to An ounce, but he
does to pound or two"
DuRSe the examination Of witress
ms TO the locality of the stairs in house,
the counsel asked him, (Which way
did the stairs run?". The witness, who,
by the way, was noted wag, replied
that "One way they ran mp, and the
other way they ran down" The learned
attorney winked both eyes. and then
took look at the ceiling.
A AfIsIIERxsS spread his net one da,,
! And cast II into the res,
( And when he drew 4, out, they gzy,
/ Twas as fnll az u net could ye.
but the little Ash got threngn holes in the hel,
Apa scarinered IN jeyfrness home, =
wLre tie lag ones we're t4ten Ia ont cf the wet
And hurried swry 10 tbeir DOOM
! And Tins II r. bspleGing every dsy,
whenever a trsp is get;
! Ne Jif'e nSb always get out Of the wy,
Nhi'N 80 hs'a f-s,s- ".res