The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-07-14
SELECT STORY.
MARRIAGE AND FLIRTING.
BY LILLIAN STANLEY.

Irritation and matrimony being very
compatible. l mean to publish it some
day in large quarto edition, illuminat-
ed; but in the meantime. merely to ex-
cite your curiosity sufficiently to induce
you to purchase the book (when / do
publish iU | will give you little out
line of this astounding theory. In the
first place, it is well known that mar
ried men will frequently persist in being
frightfully handsome; less frequently,
perhaps, but yet sometimes they will be
so shockingly agreeable and melancholy,
as the fact may be; once in a while
there is one who will be irresstably
gallant. On the contrary, it is prop
osition which will need no illustration
that young men are frequently notori-
ously ugly-more frequently notorious
ly vapid--and most frequently notori-
ously unbearable. With these two
facts staring us in the face, what is the
great army OF young womandom TO do?
Immediate themselves upon the altar of
propriety, and shun the unfortunate
married as they would ravenous wolf,
and submit themselves with Spartan
heroism to the intliction of young men
who are more to be dreaded than sword,
pestilence and famine7 Evidently no.
What then? Why hirt hirt firt =
madly, merrily maliciously and unmind-
ful of consequences.
With these ideas fully in my head
year ago, these glorious midsummer
days--I went to Nahant Home of
delight, cradle of love, paradise of fir
tation who has not lost hearts, three
or four, more or less, within its charm
ed precincts? There, in one blissful
summer, did | dispose of six as respect
able sized hearts as ever delighted the
soul of an antagonist. One to the di-
vine A., who danced the redowa; one
to the glorious c., who wore epaulettes
always irresistible, aren't they?); one
to that superb D., who drove those
heavenly long-tailed grays Uo be sure
he proved to be horse thief, but don't
mention it, loving reader-it is between
you and me); one to that Apollo Belve-
dere in white tights, yclept Daniel;
one to that r., who had the most mag
nifcent red hair--so distingue, you
know, and recherche; and, lastly, the
one of whom / am to tell you in this
story-that is, if ever get to telling
it.
The first evening of our arrival 1
stood talking very il-natured to Ned;
only a cousin, you know, and one is at
liberty to vent their ill nature upon
them, otherwise I don't know what
would become of us-having, as we do,
to keep it corked mp before other peo-
pie. Well, anybody with the common
feeling of poor degraded humanity
about them, would have been ill-natur-
ed that night. There l was dressed in
my most bewildering white; had even
condescended to wear my point (oh,
those darling old laces); had violets,
fresh aud dewy, when nobody else had
violets, and, after all this expenditure
of taste, not a single noticeable man IN
the room, Twenty fops, thirty fools
(near relations), ten puppies and every,
thing else in proportion. You can i'm
agine it; you've seen such companies q
thousand times / like admiration and
attention, but I'm n little particular as
to whom it comes from. | sulked,
until a little late in the evening | saw a
gentleman enter the room with lady
on his arm. | looked at them and
frightened up. The gentleman was
glorious, the lady feeble and frail; really
this was worth while. Not young
man, either thank fortune; over thirty
for certainty, and decidedly stately
at that Grave, too, | thought by his
looks, and apparently devoted to the
lady. All this | noticed while l was
saying to Ned:
"Who are they?'
"Mr. and Mrs. Duane"
'Introduce me- ..... ..... .s.
81 don't know them; merely heard
their names mentioned at tea.
go and get acquainted in twink
ling. and come back to me.
"How, pray?' ..
"Any way; step on the lady's dress
tear it quite off at the waist, if pos
sibie; then, in the midst of apologies
and regrets, manage the matter. Don't
you know anything 2"
Not much, fear, about such man
puvcring; besides, what do you wari
of an introduction to him, he's married
and -"
Good hcaveusl isn't that Just what
I'm about; don't | know he's married
and isn't that the only reason | want tt
know him Who flirts with a youn4
man nova days?' said |, glancing con
temptuously at Ned from under my
eyelids. . ..
| II should think you'd enough o
| flirting with married men" said Ned
maliciously, 'last winter when you go
your hair pulled by that outraged Mrs
Smith, whose John was playing th,
devoted at your feet" ...
| "Oh, that outrageous termagaut,
exclaimed /, fred with indignation a
the recollection of the indignity (my
hair has been thin ever since, betw eel
you and me, loving readcr), 'the insuf
ferable vixen, | would elope with tha
Smith tonight had | the chance, simply
and with malice prepense, to annoN
that female creatures; though her con
tenptible spouse picks his teeth with
fork, and though he snores--Q know
he does; people with drab moustache
always snore)-yes, even though h
snores, would elope with him deliber
ately, for the sole purpose of amnoyin!
that woman he is fool enough to cal
his wife
| paused, and Ned, apparently gla'
to get rid of me Ohe villain), went of
to waltze with blue eyed rag baby
and | was left to my own resources 70
AN introduction to Mr., Duane. .. -.
| | managed it, | went up and stoo'
very near him, | got very warm, fan
ned myself furiously and grew pale
suddenly wanted a glass of water, tina
there was no one to get it but MI
Duane, etc, You know the rest. Ii
brough. me the water. thanked hit
and smiled. He smiled, and after tw