The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-18
BUDGET or EuN.


CFSUHVssuJ eVs
my dear!' exclaimed Mr.. Spookendyke
dropping his razor aud examining his chin
with starting eyes, my dear, bring me
some court plaster quick! I've plowed OF
'1 Let Ell ne see.p dsmsudea MIS-, spQossn
dyke, bobbing up and nuttSil4d hfpund
het husband, Great gfsciopS what q cut!
Wait a. minute - and she shot into the
closet and out again 4"
''Qu,ck p roared MrSpoopendyke. I'm
bleeding to death! fetch nae that cour,
20 dear!" moaned Mn. spoopendyke.
81 put it-oh, where did / put III"
"D0d gast the putty!" yelled MI, Sp00p
enhyke, who had heeid his wife Imperfect.
|lly. aWhas dys thi1ksthis III .! CRACK m.
the wallf Got some sort OF q notion that
there is draught through here? Court
plaster, / tell you Bring me come court
plaster before pull out the side OF the
house and get some from the neighbors!"
Just then 1t appeared 10 Mrs. Sp0open-
dyke that she had put the plaster in the
clock.
"Here it Is, DEAR" and she shipped off a
piece and handed 1t to HIM.
Mr. SpOopendyke put it on the end OF
his tongue, holding his thumb over the
wound. When it was thoroughly wetted,
ii stuck fast to his finger, while the carnage
ran down his chin. He jabbed away at the
cut, but he plaster hung lo h,5' digit unit!
finally his patience was thoroughly eX'
harS ted.
whats the matter with the measly
business =" he yelled. "Where dye buy
this plaster? Come off, dod CAST YEP and
as he plucked it off his finger it grew to
his thumb. "Stlck, will ye?" he squealed,
plugging at the cut in his cain. leave
go that thumb" and he whirled around
on his heel and pegged at it again. 'Why
don't We bring me some court plaster?" he
shrieked, turning on his trembling wife.
"Who asked yc for leech? Bring me
something That knows thumb from a
chln!" and he planted his thumb on the
wound and screwed 1t around vindictively.
This time the plaster let 60 and slipped up
to the corner of his mouth.
"Now it's all right DEAR" smiled Mrs.
SpooKendyke, anxious to secure peace In
tie family. ut is all right nowp'
think 1t is, do ye" raved MIR Spoopen
dyke, with fearful grin. Maybe you've
got the same idea that court plaster has |!
P'raps you think that mouth was cut with
razor! Maybe you're under the lmpres.
sion that this hole In my visage was meant
TO succumb to the persuasion of bit of
plaster! Come off! Let 60 that mouth I"
and as he gave it wipe 1t stuck to the
palm of his hand as though 1t had been
born there.
Let me try" suggested Mrs. Spoken
dyke, 81 know how to do it,"
Then why didntye do it first ?" howled
MIR. Spoopeudyke. why did you want to
wait until I'd lost three gallons OF gore
Oh, you know how to do it! You only
"'2u. linen back and bottle of mucilage
up your side to be a county hospital Stick
dod res' vel" Ind he clapped the wrong
nanu Oven his jaw. Il ii bold We there till
&c stick, If l hold We TIL my wife learns
something" and MrSpoopendyke pranced
up and down the room with face Indica
tive OF stern determination.
"Let nc see, dear" said his wife. ap-
preaching HIM with smile, and gently
drawing away his hand she deity adjusted
another piece of plaster.
THAT was my piece after ALL" growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, cycling the job and
glancing at the palm ofhis hand to find his
piece of plaster gone. You always come
IN after the funeral" tet.
II guess you'll find your piece sticking
in the other hand, dear" said Mrs. Spoop-
endyke pleasantly.
"Of course you can tell" snorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, verifying his wlfe's assertion
with glance. III had your insight and
u pack Of cards I'D hire shot tower and
set up Tor an astronomer and Mr.. Spoop.
eneyke, who evidently meant astrologer,
wore that piece OF blood.stalned court
plaster on his hand all day long rather
than admit, by taking it of, that his wife
had been right in anythlng,-Brooklyn
Eagle. .at.