News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-08-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

AN inhospitable man-One who re-
fuses to entertain an opinion.
Mr.. SULLIVAN should join the great
army of strikers. He would make
great hit.
Rev. DR.. Boaas believes in church
debts, because, he says, they increase
the interest
WHICH travels at the greater speed
heat or coldp Heat, because you can
easily catch cold.
SINCE the advent of the toy pistol
kerosene has been put to the Blush
-NeaO Haven Register.
WHEN Adolphus placed his arms
around the neck of Angelina, he said it
was for neck's press purpose. e.-BoSto"
Transcript.
HANGING thermometer in the coolest
place in the yard to ascertain how hot 1t
is, is one of the paradoxes of raviliza-
tion -NeO Haven Register.s
JUST discovered why a woman always
leaves a big margin at the head and
along the side of the sheet she is writing
letter Ont is to finish her letter on.
IT cost this government ovsr $3.50, 600
last year to let the Indians experiment
on farming, and the said Indians raised
about fifteen cent? worth of corn and
million dollars worth of yil vi!
HARD PAN logic Physician-" And
is that all you are going to give me-2O
marks for 40 visits ?" Miser-"I should
think that was enough. You must con-
slider that if I hadn't been sick you
wouldn't have had anything"
"No, HE said, as they congratulated
him on his engagement, "I'm not so
particularly charmed with the girl but
I expect to be very happy. Her mother
is about the best tempered woman /
know"
THE poor nan'sIdog who has only
bone and the rich mans dog who feeds
on tenderloin are both alike when they
are asleep, and for that matter so are
their masters.
''TUa" WILSON thus soliloquises as
he handles his $4,000 in cash: SIT is
better to have gloved and won, than
never to have gloved at all. ."-Philadel-
DItia Bulletin.
An exchange devotes three-q quarters
of a column to "When to Out Timothy"
The best advice on the subject can be
given in few words, viz : Out him
when he is broke.
WHEN you buy blackberry jam at the
grocer's don't ask him if it is made OF
wormy figs, soft peaches and poor
brandy. He was never In the foundry
where such things are put up.
IT is estimated that one English iron
clad would walk her way into New
York Harbor without firing over dozen
shots, and those would be fired simply
to scare the hackmen away from her
intended landing place.
A LECTURER wants to know "what
shall we do with all our girls ?" How
would it do to give them three square
meals day and try to raise them up to
help their mothers until they are called
upon to help their usbands.-Denver
Hello.
IT IS Miss Maud Howe, the daughter
of Julia Ward Howe, whom Oscar
Wilde is going to marry, "they say"
Maud Wilde; sounds pretty, doesn't it ?
Much better than if she should marry
man named Lynn.-Bsrlin0ton HaeOk-
eye.
WHEN a man marr1es good woman
1l1 l.. l. ok
| he has easier work elsewhere, and when
a man marries a scolding woman the
deviIturns his back on him also, because
he knows that there is only one road
for him to travel.
"No." SAID the boy, 81 have no
rooted dislike for Mr.. Stebbins' dog, but
it won't do for me to be seen petting 1t
at this season. If did, and then any
body robbed his melon patch, he'd think
got on good terms with the animal and
then scooped the fruit. boston Post.
AN exchange tells of Virginia girl
that has collected the rattles from 127
rattlesnakes, each serpent having died
by her own hands. She is rattler on
snakes. She would be an acquisition to
some red-nosed fellow who is threatened
with them every morning. Chicago
Inter- Ocean.
FOREIGN dispatches state that "the
young Nizan of Hyderabad, accompa-
MED by the Gaikwar of Baroda, will
visit England" From which we infer
the Aabuzum of Jaghlalgwaroopah
will stay home and keep house with the
Rairalam OF Mhlrw. - Burlington
Ha,0keye.
THE members of the Tariff Commits
sion begin their labors in dead earnest
at Long Branch. They will also prob
ably run to Saratoga, Newport. the
White Mountains, and other places
where the data for their deliberations
are supposed to be lying around loose.
Boston Post.
CAUSE and effect are illustrated in the
following incident. A lady riding out
with friend in the Park noticed a
'aouveau richie bowling along in fash
ionable dog cart. "What splendid
whip he is II she exclaimed. "No
WONDER" was the reply; "his father
once drove butchers cart"
GRINNELL, Iowa, was the greatest
temperance town in that State. The
other day cyclone blew all the houses
over and everybody was Mortified to find
that the exposed cellars were full of
empty bottles. Moral: People who live
in temperance towns should beware of
cyoIones.- kIfsttt -IsetOs.
A oABLEaRAM from Alexandria says
that ''the American Admiral performed
graceful act lately. He steamed
around the British feet and his men
cheered each ship in succession" The
Admiral is indeed brave man. Any
one who will go right out on the water
In On Apoar;oop roop-of- uar dooa NOT