Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1882-11-08
His Pa tested by Ants.


along, on the way home from Sunday
school, with a clean shirt on aud tes-
lament and some dime novels under his
arm. what has got into you, and
wha! has come over your pa. see he
has braced up, and looks pale and
olemn. You havn't converted him
yet?'
NO, pa has not religion enough to
hurt yet, but he has got The symptoms
lie has joined the church ~ prowba-
lion and is trying to be good so he can
get in the church for keeps. lie said ii
was hell living in the way he did, aud
he got me 10 promise to go 10 Sunday
school. He said # l didn't he would
maui me so my skin wouldn't hold wa
ter. You see, ma said pa had got to be
on trial for six months before he could
get in the church, and if he could get
along without swearing and doing any
thing bad be was all right, and We must
try him and see if we could cause him
to swear. She said she thought a per-
son when they was on prOwbation,
ought TO be a martyr, and try and over
ceme all temptation 10 do evil, and if
pa could go through six months of our
nome life and not curse the hinges of
the door he was sure Of glorous I'M
mortality beyond the grave. She said
liz wouldn't be wrong for me TO play in
nocent Jokes on pa, and If he took it
all right he was a Christian, but II he goi
| in a hot box, and aew around mad, he
was better out OF the church than in it,.
There he comes now said the boy as
he got behind sign, 'snd he IS pretty
hot for a christian. He IS looking fol
me. You ought to have been in church
this morning. You see commenced
the exercises at home after breakfast
| by putting piece of Ice in each OF pas
boots, and when he yelled that his feet
were all on fire. and we told him it was
nothing but symptoms OF gout, so be
left the ice 10 the boots to melt, and he
| said all the morning he felt as though
he had sweat bis boots full. But that
was not the worst. You know, pa
| wears liver pad. Well, on Saturday
my chum and me was on the lake shor e
and we found a nest OF ants, those little
red ants and took them home. Ididn't
know what [ would do with the ants
but ants are always handy te have IN
the house. This morning, when pa was
dressing for church, saw his liver pad
on a chair. aud noticed hole In it, |
thought what good place it would be
for ants. don't kaoy what possessed
me. but | took the liver pad into my
room and opened the bottle, and put
the hole over the mouth OF the bottle,
and [ guess the ants thought there was
something to eatin The liver pad, cause
they all went into it, and they crawled
| around in the brau and condition pow
ders inside Of it, aud | took it back to
| pa, and he put it on under bis shirt and
dressed himself, and he went TO church.
| Pa souirmed littlo when the minister
was praying, and | guess some OF the
ants had come out to view the land
scare DER. When we got up TO sing
! the hymn pa kept kicking, as though he
was nervous, and felt down his back
and looked sort Of wild, the waS he did
when he had the jimjams. When we
sat down pa couldn't keep still, and be
sweat more'n pail full. When the
minister preached about The worm that
never dletb, pa reached into his vest
and scratched lis ribs. aud he looked as
though he would give ten dollars il the
minister would get through. Ma she
looked at pa as though she would bite
his bead Of, but pa he just squrmed,
and acted as though his soul was on lire.
Say, does ants bite, or jOst crawl
around p We'll, when the minister
said amen, and prayed the second round
and then said a brother who was a
missionaries to the heathen would like
TO make a few remarks about the work
of The missionary in Bengal, and take
up a collection, pa told ma they would
excuse him, and ne lit out for home
slapping himself on the legs and on the
rms and on the back, aid acted crazy
Ma and NE vent home after the heath
en- got tlrougl, ard found pa in his bed
room with part OF his clothes of, and
the liver pad on he door, and pa was
stamping OF it with his boots and talked
onTul.
What ls the matter, said ma. Dom
our religion agree with you?
Religion be dashed" said pa, as he
, kicked the liver pad. ~ would give lie n
dollars to know how plat OF red ants
got into my liver pad. Religion is oBe
thing. aud a million ants walking all
over man, playing tag. is another.
didn't know the liver pad was loaded.
: How 10 Gehena did they get there ?
and pa scow!ed at ma as though he
! would kill her.
I Don't swear, dear ma SAID as she
threw down her hymn book aud took
+ OTHER bonnet. you should be patient.
, Remember job Nas patient, and he was
/ afflicted with bolls.'
, Il don't care,' says pa, as he chased
= tbe ants out of his drawers, JOB never
had ants in bis liver pad. Ifhe had be
would have swore the shingles of
barn. Here YOU says pa, speaking tC
me, you head of them ants running
under the bureau. If The truth was
known. | believe you would be reSpon'