New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1882-11-15
FARMERS PARALYzED By PARALLAxES.

About two dozen persons attended the meeting of
the Farmers CLUB yesterday afternoon AT tile
Cooper Union. Ii was manly gathering of
fossils The farmers were called together 10 listen
first, to some windy remarks on the nitrogen of
plants obtained from the air." Professor Manly
Miles delivered the funeral sermon that subject,
and kept the constant attention of his hearers by
announcing every moment that 6hat was the last
thought and that LIE wouldn't take up any more
time. He finally closed his remarks alter a brief
struggle which he alluded to manure as fertlli-
yer, the origin growth, development and history of
which commodity he had exhausted in tue earlier
part Of the afternoon At he close IF this instruc-
tive address the audience showed willingness TO
SKIP from the history of fertilizers the narrower
range OF astronomy Out Of Difference to this feel
ing the chairman, rising aud having his hand care
fully on large turnip on the sea kers desk, said
that he took pleasure in introducing Lindley
vicinity Of the turulp aud cautiously slid several
yards of manuscript on the desk. His subject,
which he announced he eyed the turnip was:
Are the other worlds of the verse inhabited ~
rnv announcement OF such a trfng ubject so,ue-
what dismayed the deep thinking farmers present.
One ancient and venerable farmer at the a:.nounc-
ing of the subject turned To his neghbOr and asked
him: are they inhabited T. And when his nei oh
Dor replied Give il up; give us an easy one :" he
Std down in his char with Disguised air and
remarked audlbly: What in 49, has TINS uot 70 do
with farmorsr' By this time the lecturer h adj ussd
mp several OF the planets eight worlds aud nineteen
stars. and had plunged ms audience over their
heads III parallaXes centrifugal forces molecular
forces molars and bl-cusplds. The lecturer fooled
away no time on small figures but talked win ~
ions as If he had been proving around in chaos
picking up other worlds aud measuring their dis.
lance from the earth just for the fun of IT, Mean.
while tue iarIncrs who IN thor most intelles tual
moments seldom ii ever get hey Hd the psy coIor cal
functions of the escuent cabbage the proiig gate
habits Of Tho Brahma hen, stood aghast az This un-
brldled license OF discussion and shifted their guilds
in wonder and amazemrnt
DurIng the delivery of one remarkably dramatic
and rhetorical part of the lecture in which the lee
turer had seemingly passed out OF the limit OF his
earthly hearers one sober and dusky farmer passed
a slip OF paper TO the chairman of the meeting OH
which was written: what does that tufnip
weigh ~ The drop from the lecturers level To that OF
the turnip was marked thal even the cnal rrnan
smiled audibly as lie passed back the answer: :
Eight pounds" The depression to the turnIp did
not affect the lecturer, VINO kept rigut on passed
beyond the region of the clouds wont through the
milky way like meteor skipped over plants orbs
satellites and other trltles-aud last seen going
up Thrd-aye. in a street car. The speaker had
closed his lecture with such description of the
millennium aud tho last day that everybody IN he
audience seemed In hurry TO get there and had
started out OF the hail. presumably on their way,
long before the address 10 the Farmers CLUB had
come to Close