The Portland daily press., 1882-05-10
Wit and Wisdom.

Wit ana w lSQOIu.
IT. ;s now asserted that Brigham Young is
still alive. but we don't believe it. We don't
believe he could have kept himself SO con-
cealad that one of his nineteen wives would
NOT have found ont what he was up to.-Boston
Post.
In Hot Water.
Orpha M. Hodge, Battle Creek, Mich.'
writes: ST upset tea-kettle OF boiling not
water on my hand. at once applied THoM-
as, EcLEcrRIC OH, and the effect was TO i'm
mediately allay the paid. was cured in three
days"
Last wee k an Ohio man, on his travels, found
a she'll on the Gettysburg battlefield. He took
il home and put it in the stove to see if it was
real 1t was genuine. But the stove IS the
most glaring imitation you ever looked at
Hawkeye.
Mrs. lydia e. Pinkham, 233 Western Ave-
nue., Lynn, Mass, is rapidly acquiring an en-
viable reputation for the surprising cures
which daily result from the use of her Vege-
table Compound in all female diseases. Send
to her for pamphlets.
They say an alligator is incapable of nausea.
At least thew fed one on bread made by Vas
sarcollege girl and his jaws were strong enough
to bite it, and it did not make him slck.-Bos-
ton Post.
self-threading shuttle and improved treadle
on the Domestic" u Elm street.
Congress has a bill to punish persons who
use profane language in any post-office. If the
postmaster is any sort of man he will step
out on the street TO be talked to.-Detrolt Free
Press.
Liver. Kidney and Brlght's Disease.
A medicine that destroys the germ or cause
of Bright's Disease, Diabetes, Kidney and I4iv
er Complaints, and has power to root them out
of the system, is above all price. Such med
icine is Hop Bitters and positive proof of this
can be found by one trial, or by asking your
neighbors, who have been cured by it.
A minister at Richmond, Va. recently
swooned while marrying his old sweetheart to
another man. If his part of the ceremony
made him swoon, what nerve the man who
was married must have had to stand up under
it.-Boston Post.
There is no worse enthrallment for torment.
ed man than the exactions of morbid nervous
condition. The oyertaxed brain then gets no
rest from tranquil sleep and needs the pacify-
ing influence of DIR. G. W. Benson's Celery
and Chamomile Pills.
Because farmer shot drunken. fighting
hummer IN Chicago, a crowd OF Chicagoese
wanted to lynch the shooter. Not that they
cared for the hummer personally, but the farm
err. by his act had reduced that dear census, by
one, and SO given aid and comfort to st. Louis.
Boston Post.
Parlor Decorations.
HoRsE-SHoEs, painted plaques and SUN
FLOWERS have each in its turn been the popu-
lar parlor ornament, but are now superseded
by the TAMBoURINE, which when tastefully
decorated is very ornamental. For Is cents
the Wheat Bitters Co., 10 Park Place, New
York, will send free beautifully decorated
Tambourine.
Hostess: "What, leaving already, Mr.. Miv-
ersl I've scarcely seen anything of you the
whole EVENING" Mr.. Mivers (who goes in for
the courteous manners of the olden time):
f,That. madam, is entirely my fault" Exit
gracefully, Dub IeueuuoIo 90 no 6oSS uS"A,
stairs that he meant to say misfortune not
'sfault. Punch.
When your wife's health is bad, when your
children are sickly, when you feel worn out,
use Browns Iron Bitters
lis he not coming, Myrtle?" 'Iguess not"
is the girls reply. "Do you regret his absence,
nv child?' "I do. mother, how deeply you
can never know He was good for two boxes
of candy per week. But he has gone from me
forever"-and, bursting into storm of sobs,
the girl cast herself passionately on fautenil,
and began reading the New York Ledger
Chicago Tribune.
EVERY disease to which woman is liable can
be relieved by Healy's Tonic Pills or Cordial.
See advt. on third page.
CEpHAL1NE will cure Epilepsy. Read adver
tisement in another column.
Mrs. Ponsonby de Tomkyns "That lady was
evidently intended by nature for Chinese,
Sir Cbarlesl 1 wonder who she can be?" Sir
Charles: s'She happens to be my sister, Lady
,Plantagenet dc la Zouche. May ask why you
think Nature intended her for Chinese?"
Mrs Ponsonby de Tomkyns equal, as usual,
to the emergency: "She struck me as having
such exquisitely small feet! London Punch
In hospitals GLENN's SULPHUR SOAR is
largely used disinfecting and purifying
agent.
Pixies TooTHACHE DROPS cure in one