Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1882-03-21
CONSTABLE STEVE AND THE
COON.

A Milford. Penn. correspondent of the
New York Sun, gives that paper the fol-
lowin e:
- s'pose the most surprised man that
ever was in Pike county, except Bob
Smith, when he shot at mark on Nose
Westbrook's farm and killed a calf IN
the next lot, was Steve Bennett the time
he killed the tame coon over on Paupack.
said the Sheriff
The County Clerk had bought the Gig
ars for himself and the Sheriff, laid down
quarter on the bar, and taken up his
fifteen cents change. The old settler
was boiling in his chair, with his eyes
closed, and the knob of his cane in his
mouth, listening TO Uncle Ira, who was
givirg him an infallible recipe for knock
ing the asthma higher than kite. Some
OF the boys were seated around the base
burner. There was lack Of cheerful
ness which might have been distantly
connected with the presence in the Criss.
man House cf unpretending but positive
plac ards conveying the intelligence that
henceforth the foreign and domestic pol
icy of the hostelry would be cash on de-
livery.
II don't care what you youngsters. as
don't know the differ nee 'twixt FIVE
prom buck an a suckin' groun' hog, wants
to hear" shouted the old settler, bring
ing his cane down with thump, " but
as for me, don't want TO hear nothin
bout no coon For bein' the dodroted-
est. mis- 'oblest. wu,hlessest varmint of
all the varmin,s as gifts their llvln' by
stealin'. YOU kin give the coon nine p'intS
o ten, an the chances ill be even that
it'll git t'other pint. Any one as i'll
hunt coons an call it sport i'll snare
phessants, an long side o snarin pleas
ants, pickin' the lock on blind niggers
chicken coop an clearin' the roost Is
spreadin' the Gospel
The old settler touched the Sheriff on a
tender spot.
That's all right" said the Sheriff.
"bu, chasing the ring-tailed denizen Of
the hollow on frosty night, by the light
of the hunters moon, with dog that
knows Just the hol; to get when the coon
drops. lays over all the earthly plough
ing through swamps and skinning over
ridges after greasy old tramps Of bears
that has ever been done since Adam was
a yearling. Get their living by stealing,
eh, Coons: All right. But did you
ever hear of a coon sna,ching a two hun
dred pound pig out Of pen and walk
ing off with it You never knew coon
TO get away with . calf, did you. and
then come back after the COW: Coons
may be dodro,ted mean, but they suit
me. When a fellows out after coons
he does all the hunting himself. II he's
after bears the chances are that good
share Of the hunting will be done by the
bear.
But that lint neither here nor there,
continued the Sheriff, cutting eff the re-
ply the old settler. with his cane raised
in the air, was preparing to make.
What | started out 10 tell was about
the way Steve Bennett got surprised by
tame coon up along the Paupsck.
Steve had lately been elected constable
of the township. There was a dance
down TO the narows Of the Lackawack
one Thanksgiving night. A big bush
whacker from the ridge dropped in dur
ing the evening, and by the time supper
was ready he had managed TO get enough
Lsckawack invigorator under his flannel
to convince him that he was just the
man 10 run the dance for the rest of the
night. So he wsl,zed into the ballroom
and ordered the orchestra TO strike up
Old Zip Coon, and TO strike it up lively,
or he'd make things so warm around
that shebang that they'd think 1t was
Fourth of July celebration at high noon.
The orchestra refused TO play and the
bushwhscker slapped its face and threw
its ACCORDION GU. OF the window.
Next day some Of the boys SO, out
a warrant for the fellow, and gave it TO
Steve Bennett to serve Steve wen; 10 his
house. but be wasn't at home. His wife
was on the place, and Steve told her that
he had 10 satisfy the law, and must take
something, so he d levy on the COW. They
didn't have any cow.
Then I'll have to take bar'l o CT
der or a saddle o venzin, said Steve.
A fellow can't bust up no dance in my
| bailiwick without settlin'.'
"Well, they didn't have any cider mol
, any venison, and Steve was thinking OF
taking the bushwhackers wife on the
warrant, when she said:
1--WE hain't got durn thing thatd
kinder square things 'cept half bar'l o
pork in the cellar, and tame coon IL
the woodshed. Now, if you can't wall
for the ole man, you can make vel
ch'ice o them ingredients, an sarve yei
paper onto whichever one you jest durr
please.
"Steye concluded to arrest the coon
He LETT word that if the old man showed
ND at the 'Squire's in three days and set
= tied he could have his coon; if not, th'
coon. as bail in the case, would be for
feited to the township. Steve led th'
, coon home and chained it up in the smoke
house. The next night he went out Il
take look at his prisoner, but his pris
oner was gone
"Well, said Steve, this is fine go
: S'pose can't get that coon back Here
q galoot goes en- busts up dance.
hold his coon to make things square will
the law. Now the coon skips, and tn
m l. y,