The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-04-19
COMIC COMMENTS.

Smelling salts-sailors trying TO discov-
er place where wltiskey is sold. - Tie
Judge
-" Man wants but little here below"
which means little more, you know
Buffalo Erpress.
Honesty is the stpolicy, except when
an acquaintance strikes you for loan Then
little deception often saves cash.
90 There is no rest for the wigged," is
what the bald-headed man said when he
chased his false hair up the street in a gale.
--Boston Courier.
- Money is active" Fogg read in his
newspaper That's So" he said; it's
active enough to keep out of my reach. -
Boston Transcript.
-. declare, said Julia, ''you take the
words right out Of my mouth No Won
der; they are SO sweet" said Henry The
lay was set that evening.
The man that says that woman has
never invented anything should listen for
few minutes at the keyhole of the sewing
society. -Coefer-Joarnal
Some say talk is cheap. 1t Is not
wher it comes in the extra session of the
Legislature, and must be paid for by the
state.-Ne,o Orleans P{cayune.
First Freshman to second ditto: Did
you get her photo while you were away 7"
Second F . Well-ah, the fact is. she gave
ne her negative ~ rincetonian.
- The truth always pays in the end
is an old saying, and that is the reason prob
ably WIZ there is SO little of it told at the
beginning of any business transaction. a.
Sonej.ci7le Joauai
"A man with small salary and large
family says if pride goes before fall he
would ike to see pride start ON little ahead
of the price of coal and provisions -Bos-
TN Coa1mefctoi Bullotfa
Jones; 1t turned out just as / supposed
it wonld | cannot like him He has too
much manner. Smith; see he annoyed
you by his excessive civihty. Jones No;
he kicked me off the stoop. Broollya Ea-
gle.
Under Gupids banner: g Were you
ever il an engagement y inquired an limo
cent rustic of great militiaman Yes
one" replied the son of Mars; but she
vent buck on me ~ r. GoMmefciai Id
.ertjser.
Rhymes sor the season A little heat
that can't be beat, the window open wide;
little breeze, a little squeeze, and you're
the doctors pride. Seventeen dollars and
twenty-five cents for ten visits Ekndaa
Telegram.
Wanted "A modern young lady's fore
head The editor of this column not hay
ing seen one for several years is willing to
pay a fair price for glimpse at the genuine
old article. No banged or otherwise mutt
lated specimens wanted. GAerela;,d Sun.
Nautical Said the sailor to his sweet.
heart . | know that ladies' care little about
nautical matters, but if you had your choice
of ship, what kind of one would you pre-.
fer?n She cast down her eyes. blushed and
whispered; "a little smack. ~ somergiHt
JourH0l
Her objection: Al afternoon ten on
Beacon street Snodkns-" Have You
Miss Amy Southslope--a Yes, | began it;
but it wasn't lovely enough. / like real
blind love, don't you know ?"-Haroard
Lampoon.
"A marvel of science: The latest mar
~ of science is instantaneous photography.
BY the aid Of this process it's possible to oh
tain a picture Of Yourself aud girl in the Get
Of being thrown over n stone wall By run
away horse. This picture can be placed on
the mantelpieee in maroon velvet frame MS
Il warming to young men TO never let go the
reins with both hands, even if the huggine
is of superlative quality. Ncts Haeea Reg
ister.
No consolation I have heard" said
Gus De Smith to Nose Sehumburg, . that
the fellow who stole your money and ran oil
with it has been killed in Colorado. He has
certainly gone to Hades. You ought TO be
glad. II would be much more glad ven
got my money pack, responded Nose " it
don't do me no good ven dot raschal g>aS to
dot blaze, ven have to pay his travelling
expenses outen my own beckett sgsz
Styfngs.
Somewhat interested One afternoon
a stranger, observing stream of people en-
tering church, approached man of gloomy
aspect who was standing near the entrance
aud asked: q Is this funeral ?" Fun
eral no. was the sepulchral answer, =" it's
a wedding" Excuse me-" added the
stranger, :" but 1 thought from your serious
look that You might be a hired mourner."
'sNo." returned the man, with weary, far
of look in his eyes, Pm son-in-law OF
the brides mother - Br0oAlgH Eagle.