The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1882-05-06
Fun. Fact. and Fiction.

Chicago's pet project of establishing n
mammoth home for all inebriates has failed.
They found it would cost too much 10 root
over the city.-Ne,cS.
The New York Times heads anews para
graph: "Judge Lawrence's nephew we'd
ding" Isn't this stretching the mantle OF
greatness almost as much as the cloth will
stand ?"-BoSton Globe.
1t is said now that Manager Stetson will
90 to Europe in July, and when he gets
there that he intends to hunt up Euripides
and prevail upon him to write new Greek
tragedy Boston Traveller.
Scientists say that kerosene lamp when
full never cXplodeS. Only when the oil
burns low Is there danger. This shows
what folly it is for women to sit up Tor
husbands who are kept very late In their
offices balancing books.-NelcS.
elias il stopped raining as YETI" asked
George Of Henry, who sat by the window.
"Well, guess il has" answered Henry
there is woman going about with an
umbrella up, but that don't mean any
thing. ."-LO,reH Citizen.
The Prince Of Wales wedding-prcsent
TO Leopold is q $4,000 piano. The report
! that he earned the money to purchase the
gift by writing spring poetry lacks con-
/ fImafion. II is more likely that he told
the dealer to "charge it."-AoITtStOra
Her0id.
The Boston advertiser says: Governor
Boutwell, has had the Presidents ear from
the beginning." 1t may be that the same
party has had Cadet Whittaker's ear. II
/ so he has had it long enough for it to be
/ Boutwell, by this tlme.-Pic0yune.
The Moulton (Ala.) AdUertiSer says /:
eight hundred and twenty-three needles
and pins have been cut out OF Miss Stokes,
very intelligent young lady living ten
miles west OF Moulton, within the past
! few years" The fellow that is engaged to
/ that girl must often have had quiet weep
all to himself. Making love to a pmcush-
ion must be terribly sharp-pointed work.
Nelo York Commercial Advertiser.
DICTATED stockings are the newest things
IN that line. They have compartment for
each toe, the same as glove has for each
finger. A person who is never in hurry
NAV safely adopt such IA fashion, but when
Il man hears mn alarm OF fire at midnight
and attempts to dress in two minutes, as
usual. and gets three toes in one cOmpart-
ment of digtated stocking, there's going
to be some ripping-and swearing. Nor
riStOlon Herald.
The crow, according to the naturalist. is
not much Of Il singer, but i, on the whole,
a valuable bird 10 the farmer. Certainly.
Without the depredations OF the crow the
farmer could have no possible excuse for
calling up his chore-boy at 3 O'Clock in the
morning, rigging him up in fantastic cos
tunes from the garret, and sending him
forth to parade the corn-iield as living,
moving scarecrow.-Nelo HdUeR Register.
"Mister," began small boy, as he en-
tered Woodward-avenue grocery yester-
day. "ma bought some mackerel here last
night"
eyes"
"And in making change you gave her.
"No, didn't! l haven't had quarter
with hole in it for month";"
'..But ma says You gave her a"
"Don't believe it-don't believe il. |
remember, now; | gave her a half-dollar,
a quarter, and nickel"
"Ma says you gave her a gold piece for
n penny, and here ii is."
GOOD gracious alve but so | did-so
l did remember now that gave her a
dollar bill and lot Of small change. Bub,
what's your name, and do you think you
can eat three sticks Of lemon candyg All
il does ME good TO find honesty and reward
it."-Free Press.
Dramatic Critic: "Sorry you didn't get
that theatre ticket last night'
City Official: "Well, it's all right. paid
my 80 cents and went In. But the how
was the worst fraud | ever saw. II
seems always to be the case when pay fol
u ticket"
ID. c.: Probably IL Is that this unusual
cal! upon your exchequer makes you over.
censcrious.v
Nattcr-of-Fact Editor: "Why, OF course,
he Is. .ffty ycent-sorious.