The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1882-01-05

If the dog whose day this is will
call at this office he can have his prop
erty and no questions asked.-Boston
Transcript.
lightning never strikes twice in
the same place, and there is no necessi-
ty tor its striking a second time. 1t
generally finishes the business during
the first shock and goes out on strikes.
N. O. Ptcayune.
HES a beauty" observed the
mule dealer, admiringly stroking the
animal name, '.and amiable, too; but
when he gets mad it's just worth Bill
Vanderbilt's fortun' to see him feeling
for the hair of the comet with his heels"
--Brooh4yn Eagte.
"A Detroit young man denounces
the poke bonnet "because they chate
his ears" Here, now, is question for
scientists. Can they explain how it is
that bonnet worn by one person Can
chafe the ears of another person not
wearing itP Eh? How's tnat? O.
well, well, now, that may De it. How
stupid not to see it tbefore.-Detron Free
Press.
Even the little bits of tots get hold
Johnny wasn't very sleepy last evening,
and when his mother said. g Come, lit
tie boy, it's time to 60 to bed now," he
looked up out of the corner of his eye
and remarked, in his baby fashion.
was Immediately crowned as a hero by
his elder brothers. s.-NeW Haven Reg
tster.
The Presidential bulletins make
one think of the sailor, whose shipmate
was knitted in row on shore. They
went to the hospital next day to see
how their wounded messmate was get
ting along. Ben Bobstay went in to
ask about him, received true state
ment of his case from the surgeon and
came out with solemn face. GOOD
| Lord, mates" he said, "Jack's dead
man. The latin parts of his bowels is
all cut to thunder" Burlington Hasck-
Eye.
| When Colonel Solon left the Office
a couple of weeks ago. he took with
him the Derrick only ydiamond-studded.
| velvet trimmed umbrella, and continued
| forgetting it, until there came another
rainy day, when word was sent to him
that it was needed. The Colonel with
his characteristic brevity sent the fol
lowing note: "It's rainin' now, an
can't 90 out doors; wait till the rain is
over an I'll bring it back. "-On Ctty
| Derrick.
The true girl has to be sought for.
She may be in the parlor hammering 8
waltz out of the suffering piano; she
may be in front of her bureau glass ad
miring her hair; perhaps she's swing
ing ON the front gate with a young man
with tender mustache; if not there,
she is promenading the streets and dirt
ing with drummer. o, you'll have tt
seek for her. And after you find her
just say that her mother is washing The
dishes and needs her assistance.
land Courier.
-Gabe Snodgrass owns farm neal
Austin, and Jim Webster asked Gabt
the other day what he was doing with
his farm this year. ~ has rented 1t or
sheers to Sam Johnsing. He gets hal
q dollar outen ebery dollar he make
outen de farm" But how does yol
know he gibs yer de kerrect amount b
what he makesp He kin keep bacl
some and you will nebber know it '
"Dar amt no danger OBJ dat Dom
yer see de more dollars he brings in to-
me, de more half dollars he gets. Yol
bet he amt gwine ter keep back none
He amt no fool. He wouldn't get NJ
half dollars outen de dollars he woult
keep back. 7eras STtsngs.