Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-03-31
SQUIBS.
A smart thing-a mustard plaster.

oguADOs
A smart thing-a mustard plaster.
TeRnyson, the poet, smokes COM
mon clay pipe-two for five. Thus
proving that 3 man can be poet and
still knows what's what
The new London journal for women
is called the Fan. Englishmen have
funny ideas about naming papers for |
women to read. a fan can be shut up.
If Cesar had met Oscar Wilde on the
fatal day he went to the senate cham |
Der, he never would have said, eft tn,
Brute" He would have remarked in
stead, EFT tn tu."
They have found king who reigned |
in Egypt more than century before |
Abraham. Hes dead. He's mum
my. He's not pretty mummy now;
but pretty mum he IS, now.
There must be fearful epidemic |
going on among cornstalks, for nearly
all the agricultural papers are publish
ing prescriptions and all that sort OF
thing about how to cure them.
The fast train between New York and
Washington few days ago was brought
to q standstill by two elephants playing
with the bell cord. This shows con-
clusively that their trunks should have
been checked,
A st. Louis man has coat made OF
tiger skins which he purchased in New
York, and he had only worn II twice
when he was credited with having
fought three duels, killed six tigers and
discovered gold mine.
THE only way to put an end to the
innumerable suicides which occur IN
France every year." said speaker
IN the Assembly, lis to make the act
a capital offence, punishable with
DEATH"
eyes said Clara, .'your Maltese
kitty is pretty enough, but he can new
er come up to my bird That was all
she knew about it. The kitty did come
up to her bird that very day and it was
ali day with the bird.
A writer on the etiquette of gestures
says smile and an inclination of the
head will often convey more meaning
than volumes. Dan McGarty says that
in Austin it means the conveyance of
ten cents out of his pocket every
time.
Two gentlemen met large woman,
with rustic of yoluminous silks and roll
of yoluminous person. "Who IS THAR
asked one. "Why, that is my neigh
Dor Webster's wife" "Oh, / see, was
the ready rejoinder, "Webster's Una
| bridged.'
But | pass" said a minister recent
", in dismissing one theme of his sub
ject to take up another. s'Then |
make it spades" yelled man from the
gallery, who was dreaming the happy
hours away in an imaginary game OF
euchre. 1t is needless to say that he
went out on the next deal, assiste by
one of the deacons.
There is nothing in this cold world
which SO stirs our sympathies as an
authenticated instance of filial affection.
When witch was condemned to the
stake she asked of her son drink of
water. mo, mother" was the dutiful
reply; lit would be wrong to give it to
you, because the irier you are the bet
ter you will burn
"Stole any chickens dis week, Brud-
der Jones?" said class leader to a
member of suspiciously thieving pro-
clivities. "No, sah-tank de Lor'. Z
"You'se done we'll" said the leader,
and passed on, while "Brudder Jones"
turns to "Brudder Brown" and whis-
per: Lucky he said chickens; if he'd
said ducks he'd had me suah!'
A Kentucky statesman: When a
Kentucky congressman was informed
that he could have all the garden seeds
he wanted from the agricultural depart
ment, he exclaimed: "Seedsl what dc
/ want seeds for? But hold on Yes
yes; l believe do want few" And
he forthwith sent for a half bushel o.
cardamon seeds, the only seeds he had
any use for.
Changed his tune: Fogg says thai
Sellem Is the most fickle-minded mar
he ever saw. For the last six months
he has been talking about his fine
country house, with its spacious rooms
grand views and splendid surrounding.
and not an "out'' about it. "Well,
says Fogg, will you believe it, he tole
me to-day he had sold and mighty
f glad he was to get rid OF the old rattle
, trap. Yes. sir, Sellem is the mos
, changeable fellow I ever saw"
Safe, anyhow: Schomburg, upon re
: turning to his store, on Galveston
! avenue, from dinner, found his clerl
very much excited. The clerk sait
that stranger came in and after ask
ing and paying the price for cravat
which was one dollar, picked up TIT
/; entire box, containing q dozen, ant
! went off with them. did he pay yol
! de dollar?" asked Nose. EYES," re
sponded the clerk. well, then, V,
makes, anyhow, fifty per cent. profit
on de investment
Second class in grammar stand up,
said the schoolmaster. John is ba'
! boy" "What does John correspon,
with ?" Il know" said the little boy a
i the foot of the class, holding UP hi
) hand "John Smithers, he CORE
!, spends with my sister Susan. Here's
! letter he just gimme to carry home t
| her.
; Oh dear to my heart Is the torturesome tutor
That measured our backs with his apple bong
switch
That lodged every morning the plenteous bea
shooter
And oft sat him down in veneerings Of pitch.
Whose countenance glimmered with newspape
fractions
We soaked with saliva and yolleyed pell-mell.
} And how he discouraged that worst Of our az
tons,
That gave him s7uze in the pit Of the well.
] That torturesome tutor that tongue tange
tutor
That taken in tutor we spilled in the well
J Rome .Seatiae
Cake Baking.
, When cakes are made without yeas
or eggs, soda and powder being tn
! substitutes, they require quick bakin,