The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-09-26

Mark TWAIN remarks that all We neei
tn possess the finest navy in the world
is ships--for we have plenty OF water.
An American company with live
blooi-hounds and realistic scenery ar,
astonishing London with "Uncle Toms
Cabin"
The Cape Ann Advertiser tells how to
color old gold with horse-radish leaves.
What we want TO know is how 10 gei
any old gold to color.
"An honest man is the noblest work
of God" Nothing is said about an
honest woman, because she isn't such
an astounding variety.
When man is honest simply because
it is his policy to he 80 he is alread,
saving up money with which to buy his
ticket TO the Penitentiary.
An old bachelor leaving his hosrdips
house for weeks journey, after taking
leave of his Iandlady, stepped up to, a
salt mackeiel on the table, and shaking
it by the tail, said: i will see you when
| return.
! A New York lady who decided that
there we're no mirrors in New York nice
enough Tor her parlo-, procured one
from Paris, and was a.mcst killed to
discover that it was manufactured in
America, and could have been bongh,
on Broadway for $500 less.
A contemporary tells yarn about S
setter dog which trotted up to small
boy and dropped from his mouth into
The boys hand new jack knife which
The dog had just found. This, however
is no Circumstance to the Philadelphi,
dog, which lrotted up to boy and drop
ped at his feet tin can and a piece o
string.
Fist Sovereign: Whom do you vot
'or this time for sheriff." Second Sow
ereien-"I never vote for sheriff" F
What never" SIS No, never
You see, he might be called on to han!
me some day, and then would be place.
in an exceedingly ridiculous light, tor
would have voted for my own execu
TONER"
81 hardly think we shall remain NOR
than week a. Newport, as the judge Is
partial to mountain air." "The judge ?
qneried Mrs. Slursling; 81 was no
aware, my dear madame, that your bus
rand h.d adorned the bench" "OI
dear, yesf" smiliDgly chirruped littl
Mrs. Scsntwit; "why, he's been thre
times judge of our town election ~
A minister was travelling along
country road in Scotland one day il
. winter, riding rsther long, lean horse
and he himself dressed in rather an odd
looking cap and large camlet cloak, whel
a gentleman came along, riding a 6n'
horse, which ",cared" at the preacbe
and bis horse. swell. sir" said tn,
I gentleman, I've wnd scare the vera dell
SIR" "Tha!'s my business, SIR saic
the preachar.
When John Saunders went from Ken
lucky to the West some forty years age
= be swore that his betrothed, whom b,
J left bthind, should not see him until h
. became millionaire. A few days sire,
he balanced up his affairs in Montara
and indir g himself possessed of the de
sired million, returned to Kentucky
looked up his old sweetheart, and th'
twain were made one. He is 6S, she i
81.
A colored blacksmith of Vienna, Ga.
was shoeing mule not long ago, whel
the animal disengaged itself and drov
one of its hind feet against the negro
Lead with the force OF battering ram
A few days after some one asked tb
owner if The blacksmith sustained Sc
we're injuries. 81 can't say that he did,
responed the man, dejectedly, "but lh
mule goes on three legs!