Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-09-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

4
THERE ARE epidemics of nobleness as
well as epidemics of disease.-Froude.
WHOM the gods love die young
The gods do not love spring Chickens
Puck.
A PAPER wait-one that is always
compelled to dun delinquent sub
scribers.
PEOPLE say that blackberries are good
for complexion; but who wants black
berry complexion?
A LADY says: eff you want to know
how to tell the most stylish dress, just
get in a crowd and mark the one all the
women turn up their noses at.
=" 1T Is not necessary for man to be
poor to be honest" Certainly not.
But it seems sort O. half way necessary
for man to be poor il he is honest
Quiz
IT Is announced that science has pro-
duced new silkworm, superior to the
old brand. III the new worm will pro-
duce silk that costs no more than calico
it will fill long-felt want.
WHEN q man kums to me for advice,
find out the kind of advice he wants,
and I Civ it to him; this satisfys him
that he and I are two az smart men az
thare is living. g.-,Josh Billings.
"JoHNNY," said the teacher, " q lie
can be acted as we'll as told. Now if
your father should pat sand in his
sugar and sell it he would be acting
lie and doing very wrong" "Thats
what mother told him." said Johnny.
A WESTERN man while ago eloped
with his mother in-law. Not that he
had any fancy for the woman. But she
had said he was the worst husband on
earth, and he wanted the world to see
that she really didn't think so.-Boston
Post.
AMONG the objections to capital pun
ishment is the one urged by some of its
opponents that it does not really pre-
vent crime. Well, that admits of ques-
ton. We never heard of any one doing
much harm after he had suffered it.
A CONVICT says he was sent to prison
for being dishonest and yet he is COM
PEELED every day to cut out pieces of
pasteboard, which are put between the
soles OF the cheap shoes made there and
palmed off on the innocent public as
leather. -Philddellohia NetOs.
THE Chicago Ne,os knows of thirteen
circus clowns who have retired to farm
life. We would Judge clown would do
we'll as farmer. He'd only have to
get ont into the fields and recite some
of MS old Jokes to send the potato bugs
away on the dead run.
AFTER the previous question had been
called, snd the ayes and the noes
ordered, q member rose and said: "My
friends, beg that for moment You
will lend me your ears, and"
'Order r. cried the Speaker; ono one
can lend his ears here till the ayes and
noes have been taken"
HERE is a new-at least not very
old-story of Tom Marshall: Said the
Woodford orator to man whose wife
he disliked: "Bill. your wife is an ugly
woman !" Well" replied Bill, flushing
up, "that is her privilege" Yes,"
replied Tom. "but she abuses the
privilege. ."-Detroit Free Press.
A LITTLE boy had his long curls cut
off the other day, and was annoylngly
reminded of the fact by the remarks OF
| all his friends. Going with his family
into the country, soon after his arrival
he came running into the house in great
sorrow, crying, Mamma. mamma,
even the hens laugh at me; they all
say, 'Cut-cut-cut-got-your- ir-cut 7"
A YOUNG city gent, dressed in fault
less suit and a pair of shoes which
tapered to point in the most modern
style, was visiting in rural district. A
bright little four-year-old boy looked
him all over until his eyes rested on
those shoes. He looked at his own
chubby feet and then at his visitors,
and then looking up, said, 'Mister, is
your toes all cutted off but one ?"
IHEAR great deal about the Ele-
phant J umbo and his enormous strength.
As the President of the leading Oily
magazine Manufacturing Company in
America, I challenge Mr.. P. T. Barnum
to back his elephant against half ton
of oilymargarine of my manufacture
for $500 a side. The match to take
place in any State of the Union, except
in the vicinity of Hunters Point.
Shiny Slushbucket, President Dead
Horse Rendering Company.-Puck's
Challenge Column.
CHILDREN frequently make original
applications of Scripture texts or trite
proverbs. A little girl, four years old,
daughter of the rector of a church in a
neighboring city, had ten cents given
her to spend. She made some foolish
purchase which was in pieces before she
reached home. Her father had long
talk with her, and in the course of it,
quoted, "A fool and his money are soon
parted" impressing the lesson by every
means he possessed. Some Sundays
after, in Sunday school, the plate being
passed, she had to think for text to
say, as is the custom on making the
contributions. Finally, dropping her
money into the plate, she recited, tri-
umphantly, ga fool and his money are
soon parted"
QUITE a sensation was created at q
circus at Marquette, Mich, the other
day. In the act where circus rider,
disguised as drunken tramp, falls into
the ring and wants to ride horse. the
ringmaster threw the drunkard out, and
with much seeming indignation asked
why there were no policemen around tc
keep order. A German policeman, who
was standing by, and who knew the mar
belonged to the circus, felt indignant al
having the police abused, so he took tho
alleged drunken man, and, notwith