St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-07-07
VOLUME 45---NUMBER 2345.


grandfather worked on the Tower of
Babel, and they always spoke of Hiram
Abitf as Uncle Hiram" They be-
lieved that Great Heart was a post
commander in the Grand Army of the
Republic. And this man used to go
down and pound the boiler, and hold
one corner of the blanket, and grease
the pole and help heat the pitch, nights
when there was a candidate to be as
sassinated and he watered himself
into drOpsy at Good Templar meet
ings, and fermented himself into beer
vat at Druid picnics, and ate himself
into chronic indigestion at Odd Eel
lows suppers, and sat up nights with
sick Grand Army comrades, and visit
ed Masonic widows, and comforted
Knights of Pythias orphans, female
sixteen years and upwards he
danced himself into a paralysis, and
got his eyes blacked at all sorts of balls,
and had good busy time of it, and
was considered Il capital fellow because
he had to write rs. o. G. F. w. and b..
b. G. E.; and E. O. d. If, and w. ,. T.
p. d." after his name every time he
wrote a letter or registered at hotel.
"Well, one day there were several
things going on all at once in our town.
There was grand cOnvOcation of
Knights Templar and a public installa-
tion of Hope Lodge, No. S277, |. O. o.
F., and Druid picnic, and Hiber-
nian benevolent society ball, and a
fraternity symposium, and Grand Army
parade and camp fire, and special NJ.
w. of the 5. X. of A. O. U. w. legion
BOG, and two or three bazaars, and a
masked parade of the II. O. Ms, and a
tireman's tournament and fight, and a
choral union rehearsal, and church
meeting and squabble, and a base
ball match and regatta, and GRO
quet quarrel, and in the effort to at
tend all of them in full regalia the
man Overdid himself, came home all
tired out, told his wife he didn't be-
lieve he felt very well himself, and
went straight to bed.
His family never saw the man again
for six weeks. And the days were
made busy and the nights were made
noisy by all manner of committees
wearing all manner of badges, coming
to inquire after the sick man, and to
sit up with him, and bringing him all
manner of comforting things cruel.
and .iellies and water ices, and terrapin
soup, and peanuts and ice cream, and
cake and pie and watermelon, and
tracts and flat TASKS, and new stories
and sandwiches and egg-nOgg, and eli
gars and cOnundrums, and jokes on the
boys, and all sorts of doctOrs-hOmG-
Opathists, allOpaths, water cures, Swe-
dish movement cures, eclectics, new
school. old school, regulars, guerrillas
Injun doctors, faith doctors, kneaders
slappers and healers."
"And the man got well. He had to :
the Jester added, noticing the express
ion of incredulity that settled upon the
cOuntenances of the passengers "thert
was too many of him to die at once
| While they were wrestling with one
of him the rest of him would get tn,
bulge on him, and so he pulled through
And when he was quite well and al
there, they had a grand union picnic
for his benefit, to which all the socie
ties to which he belonged were invited
The family naturally rejoiced at this
and supposed they would get front
seats all the way, as they were closely
connected with the circus. Instead O
this, however they were treated to {
surprise. The procession organized
with the man himself and three emi
nent brethren of vastly superior de
grees, in the first carriage. Then came
Il brass band. Then came more car
riageS, containing eminent brethreI
from visiting lodges, every man will
enough initials after his name to stool
IA railroad the o. |. G. L. X. f. l.. Y.
and the r. S. T. L. V. X, and the c
U. & C. A. L. L. e., and the T. o. NJ
and the G. A. l.. and the j. L. G.
under the seat. Then came a Who'll,
procession of chaplains, lodge chap
lains, on foot, swearing at the dust
And away off, two and Il half mile
away from the band, came the family
i'll the middle of the street, hOOting it.
"When they finally got out to til,
picnic grounds, the members of tn,
mans domestic household were agail
pleasantly surprised, being stopped a
the gate by an outside sentinel, wh
clubbed them off to the right. Their
they found an inside guard win
promptly chased them off to the left
Then they ran into a boy seven year
old. with white hair and red necktio
carrying clothes prop and bearing /
his own, official person the enormou
+ and overbearing title of Royal an
|, Thrice Puissant Knight of the Might
Arm and Potent Keeper of the Way
And when they got away from all tha
alive, they were finally 'shOoed' ava
and waved off down the road and tOl
to get out of there and keep away {
they'd get into trouble, by a little oil
man with bow legs, a hare lip, wa
on his nose, a bald head and gree
goggles, who the aff'righted and aW
stricken intruders afterward learne
was his Most Goodness Gracious Nil
} the Four or Five Times Renowned an
Most Awfully Magnificent and RespleI
dent Fly-up-the-Creek to the Mu
doom" A secret society is a swe,
! boon, but a man has to be kind of car'
ful that it doesn't grow on him