The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-06-17
NO. 10


asked him IL he could read.
An Ohio man was choked to
death last week while trying to
drink from two gallon jug They
cant swallow everything in that
State.
A gentleman who was asked for
his marriage certificate quietly
took Off his hat and pointed to q
bald spot. The evidence was conclu-
sive. sans.
A Western judge has decided that
a man is responsible for what his
wife says. That Judge is trying to
get revenge ON some fellow who cut
him out. Wv ea
The relatives of dead Illinois
moulder have succeeded In getting a
correction from the rural editor who
headed the death notice, Wondering
in the Grave
A philosopher says; "The man
who laughs Is the sympathetic man.
1t is astonishing how many sympa-
thizers n man has when he falls down
and hurts himself
A New Jersey girl has had her
scalp torn off by having her hair
caught in rapidly revolving shaft.
This should be warning to women
to wear nothing but false hair
Cincinnatians want the name Of
their city pronounced "Cincinnahtee.
We don't care how it is pronounced,
but since they voted for deluge of
beer and no Sunday, it should DO
spelled Sinsinnaughty
An exchange says Jesse James
died poor That is his own fault.
He ran through great deal of prop
erty, mostly land, during his life
lie ran through some of it very rap
idly, too.
"Adolphus, let us leave the avenue
and stroll along the margin of the
river" Not any, Evangeinc; Nd
more margins for me- Adolphus
had been specializing in futures that
week.
Paul Boyton was last heard from
in South Carolina, where he. was
swimming for living, AS usual. Paul
has no regular trade or profession,
but he manages to keep his head
above water all the same.
The Philadelphia Record wants to
see the public cat less beef and more
fish, and thus cut down their doctor
bills. IT has ali along known that
beef was unhealthy, but has kept
still for fear Of hurting some butchers
feelings. M
"What made the mule kick your
they asked of gentleman who had
been seen flying through the roof Of
barn. And he answered. do you
think was fool enough to go back
and enquire"
A darkcy, after falling from two
story window, and striking his head
first on the pavement, got up and
said to an alarmed spectator: II
c'lar to goodness, if / fell anoder
story I'd broke dat stone."
An old lady in Texas was taking
her first ride in the cars the other
day, when the train ran off the
track. You fetch up rather sudden.
don't YEP" she asked Of bystander,
as she brushed the dust from her
garments.
The season for snake stories may
as well be pronounced closed. A
Rhode Islander has seen one five
miles long, and it had to curl up to
keep from getting over the line into
Massachusetts or Connecticut
New Haven drinks 100000 worth
of water every year, but it buys it
and pays for it under the name Of
milk. As to the amount similarly
consumed under the name Of whisky,
the figures are not given.
Two newspaper men stood on the
great bridge looking at painter at
work on the perilous, sloping roof Of
the immense grist mill near the
falls. They looked long time but
the painter did not fall. He not only
did not fall but he painted the roof
red. IA
A man spends eighteen cents for
lager, ten cents for tobacco, twenty
cents for cigars, fifteen cents for
street car fare, and loses $3.50 at
poker; he then permits his wife to
purchase button hook for three
cents, and figures that her extrava-
gances will ruin him in three years.
What is his capital?
The latest idea of a New York ca
terer is to make a mammoth cake and
fill it with Roman punch. The con-
slant study of New York caterers is
to get something that will intoxicate
the unwary guest SO that the host
and the rest can have some fun with
him. t1s
Little Edith was terribly sleepy the
other night. She began her custom
mary prayer upon retiring, but when
she got as far as sour Father her
eyes closed and her head tumbled on
to the pillow. Il tan't tay it tonight"
she said, "rm too sleepy. He knows
the vest Of it,
The roses Of pleasure seldom last
long enough to adorn the brow Of
him who p!ucks them, for they are