The Evening critic., 1882-02-28
An Omen Letter TO David Davis.

TO the Edit0r OF Ihe ECeninq Critic.
THE CRITIC gives n report Of an interview
with the honored President of the Senate, In
which he gives what is called "sound advice"
to some lady callers. 1t is stated that the
ladies "nounced out" at the close of the ad-
monition. Suppose that one of them had not
"hounced out" Suppose she had assumed
the most serene smile available under dis
couragipg circumstances and gently pleaded:
"Honored Sir: Come, let us reason together.
Though you hold high place in the Govern
ment OF this majestic nation, and we are de-
pendent on the whim of a bureaucrat,' yet we
know you Will not refuse helpless woman that
blessed privilege so dear to the truly feminine
heart-the privilege Of arguing the point.
"Have you reflected upon the ages of unutter-
able misery that have beset the stomachs OF
mankind because impecunlous woman has re-
sorted to the cook-stove as means of adjus ting
her finances to surrounding conditionsp How
many times in the course OF a busy and useful
life have you paused over your matutinal cup
idence for having diverted into a less harmful
channel part Of that womanly Industry
which, left to exercise itself in the culinary
realm, might long ago have destroyed the hu-
man race forever.
1t is pet theory of theologlans that original
sin is the reason that John Smith is liable to
good old age of Methuselah; but oven
theologians make mistakes sometimes.
every effect must have an adequate cause.
But is 1t necessary to travel to the Garden OF
Eden for a cause which confronts us at every
step? 1t is quite evident that the cause of
physical degeneration is the fact that people
who have no genius for the fine art of cooking
and no experience therein insist upon thrust
ing themselves into a field which requires in
nate power as well as many years of constant
practice and profound study. In fact, it is
more than probable that what is called origi-
nal sin itself sprang from the same cause, for,
who ever saw a man do anything good when
he had the dyspepsia? And wouldn't any mau
misdeeds to original sin rather than dyspep-
sia? In that way he not only shoves them OF
his own shoulders, but thrusts them so far
back into antiquity that he can't by. any
them.
"You say that we look Intelligent. We will
ingly grant you that with a due appreciation
Of your good taste and discrimination. But,
Honored Senator, was the Sistine Madonna
painted because an Misunderstanding man
wanted pair OF boots Did Shakespeare write
Hamlet because a Washington gas-bill was
due? A bill OF like enormity might have been
pressing, but Hamlet would have come into
being If it had not. Likewise a woman who
has the ability to make a cup Of coffee and a
roll may make them, whether she sleeps in the
attic and gets up an hour before day to build
the kitchen fire, or entertains her guests in
velvet and diamonds at a dinner-table spark
ling with silver. But does that give the whole
army Of women who are not gifted in that way
In mad attempts to gratify morbid ambition
and get money ~
ave recognize Dore's right to paint his
pictures. Lowells to write his poems, the
right OF the wise statesman to manage national
affairs, and the thrice divinely conferred
right OF a woman TO make q cup OF coffee and
cook steak-if she can. But in granting all
this may not we smaller laborers, knowing our
limitations, and seeking not TO invade the
realm OF the fine arts, venture a petition to be
| allowed TO work peacefully In that humble
station TO which 1t has pleased Uncle Sam TO
call us2 Unless you grant us this, noble SEN
| ator, You may sometime, pursued by a malig-
| nant vengeance, be impelled to cry out in dys-
| peptic agonies: "For humanitys sake. let no
woman presume to cook dinner unless she
hath divine call thereto" CLERK