The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-12-08
HUMOROUS.


sTUMp-sPEEcH: Gimme the butt
OF yer cigar, mister?"
A BUFFALO is not bird, but we have
often heard of buffalo bill
The man who scissors off coupons is
the genuine revenue cutter.
WHEN the average man laughs he
gets fat. When the printer gets fat he
laughs.
II DON'T believe in good-natured
husband said Mrs Jeems. 1T makes
him bring home too many friends for
dinner, and If there's anything L hate,
it's that"
The moralist says: Every man is
occasionally what he ought to be per-
petually." Then, again, some men are
perpetually what they ought to be only
occasionally.
A cRUsTY old fellow once asked /:
What is the reason that griffins, dra-
CONS, and devils are ladies' favorite sub
Jects for embroidery designsY "Ah,
because they are continually thinking
of their husbands" was the lady's quick
retort.
A VERY old lady on her death-bed, in
penitential mood, said: II have been O
great sinner more than eighty years,
and didn't know it." An old colored
woman, who had lived with her long
time, exclaimed, Law, 1 knowed it all
the time"
LOOK at your shrieked Mrs. Econi,
as the nurse let the baby fall over the
second floor baluster. "Two inches
nearer the wall and that child would
have smashed $50 statuette and the
hall lamp" And then they picked up
the baby.
The deacon's son was telling the
minister about the bees stinging his pa,
and the minister inquired: "Stung
your pa, did they? Well, what did
your pa say?" "Step this way mo-
ment," said the boy, I'D rather whisper
it to you"
A YOUNG gilded Cor, as they say now,
nickel-plateD youth of New York,
ordered a pair of pantaloons of his
tailor, and returned them as too tight.
You told me to make them skin-tight,"
said the man. YES" said the youth,
"but L can sit down in my skin, and l
can't in these"
PRoFEssoR-"No Mr.. Snodbins,
you may criticise the theme l have just
read" Snodkins-"Id rather write a
criticism, sir, can't talk so we'll as L
can write" Professor (who has waded
through Snodllins' last heme with
great difficulty)-"Then, sir, I'm sorry
for you. "-Hdrrard Ldmpoon.
"WHAT man your father is" ex-
claimed Mrs. Hopespun, looking up
from the letter she held in her hand
He says he has bought French clock,
and will bring it home with him. What
ment. None Of us can tell the time by
it, unless you can, Edith. You know
something about French, don't you ?"-
Boston Transcript.
"YEs, sir" he said, chats an awful
knowing bulldog o mine He was jam
full o fieas, and he got sick o wrench
ing his spine and the cords of his neck
reaching round to gnaw em, and be-
sides. he was rather tired O the taste OF
himself. What did he do? Went out,
sir, and got into fight with another
dog, and let that dog do the gnawing
for him. Mighty intelligent dog, sir. y
"YEs," he said, lone of the very incest
best girls in the world is in love with
me, and folks know it, and it Just breaks
my heart Why should it? Why, don't
you know that nice fellows always get
some cheap creature for wife, and the
nice girls always marry worthless fell
lows. Folks know she is thoroughly
good girl and they'll set me down as a
regular tough. Ny character is ruined.
Boston Post
A DEGGAR asks aims of stihgy mil
lionaire, who passes him by in unno
ticing silence. What says one of the
millionaire's friends, didn't you give
him anything?" well, you see" ex
plains the millionaire, cit seems like in
sulting q mans manhood to offer him G
single copper" "Then make it two
why don't you?' 1.-Two? Why didnr
you say three while you were about it p
Paris Figaro.
INVISIBLE lemon: A man recently
fell down on Warren street. He was
large individual, and took up lots of tn,
sidewalk, and a bystander thought it tin,
proper time to be funny. How did yot
come to fall?" he inquired. "On hi
of lemon" Eyes, sir; on q bit o
lemon replied the corpulent one. "Bu
] see no lemon replied the funny man
"Well, who said you could?" savagel,
roared the corpulent individual, as h,
got up and busted himself off with hi
handkerchief. Can any one see tn,
lemon in half dozen cocktails, say pr
Puck.