The Evening critic., 1882-05-30
RoTrlINc SUNSHINE,
An Ohio Man and Crank. who IN
Undoubtedly the Victim of Bottled
Jersey Lightning and Moonlight.
Threatens 10 Astonish the world
aud s Ilusf I'M, Gns MonOpnILcs.


Undoubtedly the Victim of Bottled
Jersey Lightning aud Moonlight.
Threatens 10 Astonish the World
and Bust Up Gas Monopotics.
'syes, sir: as you remarked, I'm going to
bottle sunshine" said gaunt, half.fcd look
ing srocimen Of tho "crank" fraternity TO
CRITIC reporter yesterday evening, "and I'm
gting 10 put my designs and devices into the
hands Of good patent attorney the first
thing in the morning. You see, gas Is dear
and very inferior nowadays, and coal oil Is
dangerous; therefore l determined TO 60 to
work, with Divine assistance, on the problem
OF using Gods own raslight, the glorious and
resplendent sunshine, TO illuminate our cities
and homes after tho sunset gun has doomed
forth and announced the daily departure Of
"weil, your idea does not seem impossible
when we consider the electric telegraph and
other wonders worked out by man during the
present century," remarked the reporter in q
"draw- you-out' tone.
"No, sir; nor is II impossible. The electric
light Will fade away and gas monopolies be-
come matters OF the past before Luckworth's
chats my name, SIR
Transparent, Resplendent, Sunlight
Company.
"Have you experimental any with your
machinery for packing away sunshine y
mot practically; but have theoretically.
You see 1t requires money, and plenty of it,
10 bald the necessary tanks, condensers, re.
models-a number OF drawings; and after the
patent authorities grant me n right, will or
ganize company and proceed to astonish the
world"
SWIM the operation require much and COM
plicated machinery ~
"Now there's the point: No, sir; the ma
chinery will be extremely simple and not very
costly, comparatively speaking. In the first
place, Will have built several large, oval
gas companies. on the inside will be placed,
in circular and octagonal shape, numerous
mirrors; the bottom and sides OF the tank
will be lined with composition of lime and
pebbles. The tanks will be perfectly tight, so
that the light, once inside, there can be no
escape"
"How will you get sunshine Into tho
tanks ?"
"By means of an exposed renectory trap,
which VIII catch unwary sunbeams and re-
fleet and re-rehect them through mirrowed
pipes into the large receptacles. After we
Get the Tanks Full of Sunshine,
the spiggot will be closed and We Will keep
that dazzling and brilliant article busy dash
faces therein. You know the theory is keep
sunshine busy and you've got itl'
Sand when the time comes to use yourlight
In what manner will you let 1t out?"
"By means OF glass and mercurial stop
cock, through which the light can bo reflected
and graduated into the apartment we desire
| TO illuminate. Why, sir, two of my tanks Will
I'LL an entire night session of either House of
| Congress with life-giving and dazzling sun.
| shine, at a cost less than that Of two gas
"Have you made arrangements with a patent
| attorney yet?'
| "No; arrived here late Saturday night.
| Will see one tomorrow morning bright and
| early. 1 wrote to Edison before leaving Gin
| cinnati, asking him to recommend a good
| man; he responded by calling me a crank
but you know Edison has spent lots of money
on his electric light, and he is afraid of my in
| vention. An old axiom says, you can tell thu
| CALLED jade by his wincing'-and Edison ha!
| begun TO VINCE"
Every much obliged for your Information,
| said the reporter, as he turned to go.
| "By the way,
Have You n Quarter
| about your clothes, that you have no use for
| I'm little short today 2"
| The desired amount was "forked OVER
| "Thanks. Consider yourself member o
the Great American Sunlight Company whel
1t begins to operate."
And our Ohio sunbeam, who is probably bel
ter acquainted with bottled lightning than h
is with corked-up sunshine, made q bee-lin
for a gin mill, where five-cent whiskies are
| specially.