Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-05-31
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

THE biggest thing OH ice-the profit
WHERE there's will there's way-tt
contest.
A GRAIN of ccmfort-wheat. Some pre-
! fer rye, however.
A GOOD time to pick up stocks-when
they are dropped.
MANY men of many mines-Sharon
Flood, Mackey & Co.
In western mine there is this notice.
"Do not fall down this shaft, as there
are men at work at the bottom of it. :"
The stovepipe joke was original with
Hamlet when he remarked, "The time is
out of joint"
''THERE," said the dealer, &c is car
pet that can't be beat" And the man
bought it. He hates carpet beating.
I" LISTEN, auntie- What's that ?" cit
is the cuckoo, darling. Don't you know
the cuckoo?" "Oh, yes! The cuckoo's
that horri bird that doesn't lay it's own
eggs. Punch.
A WAC, speaking of friend whom he
suspected of living altogether beyond
his means, observed that he believed he
"wOuld owe several thousand dollars
| dAbCA dlA LIS uCOtS NoIC Ddlu.
THE substitute of 3d. for "p,"
in the Boston Advertisers otherwise
beautiful account of some Emerson me.
mortal services madea line of poem ap
pear: " We prayed and sang together.
A CONGRESSMAN who doesn't scatter
six or eight bushels of Agricultural De-
partment seeds among his constituents
must make the next campaign on his
temperance record. - Detroit Free
Press.
The poetical and the practical-Senti-
mental diner: " Eat lark! Partake of
one OF the choiring soLgsters of heavens
gate! [ would as soon eat q hymnp'
Practical friend: s'Ya-as, never touch
small birds-they all feed on worms"
In an editors room in Fleet Street,
London, skull is nailed up against one
of the desks. Underneath is written in
large letters, "Phis is Smith, who did
not like an article about himself, and
was rash enough to say SO. Punch.
$50 the old Tightfst is very sick
Have they given up all hope?" Fogg-
Yes, all hope" Brown" Very So
isn't it ?" Fogg-" very sad" They
did have strong hopes until yesterday,
but now they fear he is going to get
well. boston Transcript.
"THEsHEs shtairs take feller's breath
way" said Sozzle, as he elm bed YEARLY
bedward at l A. NJ. 81 wish they would
take it away to the bar-room where you
got it, said Mrs. S., as the old gentleman
lurched into his room.-BOston Com
2aerc6aI Bulletin.
PATTI says it is her ambition to I" live
quietly and sing to the poor" Her
system of gratifying this ambition is to
take mighty good care that by the time
people get in where they can hear her
sing they are very poor.-Chic0go In
ter Ocean.
AFTER the circus is over. after the
wild beast show is done: First son of
toll (ecstatically) That was bully
show. Did you see the lion tanner, hey ?"
Second son of toll" Didn't I? [ tell
you it takes him TO boss lion. Why, he
just knocked that old ioness about as if
she had been his WIFE,"
The car never receives anybody after
l o'clock. The remainder of the day he
spends in the palace sub-cellar, locked
In Marvingovski fire proof safe, clad In
his cast-iron ulster He received Lieu
tenant Danenhower at 2, however, O.
that gentleman making an affidavit tt.
he wasn't Nihilist, and could not play
on. the cornet.-Puck.
"AND how is your neighbor, Mrs.
Brown" inquired one nicely-dressed
lady of another "She's well enough I
suppose. I haven't seen her to speak
to her for six weeks 81 thought you
were on the most friendly TERMS"
Well, we used to be, but we've exchanged
servants. '-QuiS.
THERE are occasionally brave women
in this world. A Philadelphia lady
heard burglars breaking into her house
She arose, called the bulldog and seized
the shotgun. Then she opened the
door and let the dog out. Then she al
most Immediately fred the gun. The
dogs hide was too much perforated tt
sell for anything.
"WHY do they call the man who gets
married the groom, pap" asked littll
Alexander. because he curries favor
with his mother-in-law," said Phillip
"and saddle his debts on his wife,
father, puts check on her cousins
visits, whips the children, and drive,
while the rest of the family pulls. p
Burlington HaaOkeye.
A GIRL who recently committed sor
small indiscretion was reproved by
master, who happened to be minister
"You will not, " he said, OCCUPY YER
high place in heaven, Ellen, if you con.
tinue in yonr present course. "Wen
thin, your reverence" was the reply
Ct never was at all pushing that way.
and if I could only jist squeeze in through
the gates widdout disturbing st. Father
to open thin I'd be contint. "-Bostog
Courier.
THE SHARES ALFABET.
M is mining company
! 1t has certificates,
And shares and directors.
| Where is the mine?
/ do not know.
Has it treasury?
go yes there is treasury.
M is the mine
NJ T is the mine-treasury.-QuiS.
| L e. l.