New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-15

Where's the molasses, Billp'' said 4
woman sharply to her son. who had re-.
turned with an empty jug. None In
the city, mother Every grocer has q
big black outside. with the letters.
chalked on it IN. o. molasses. 8 .
"A gypsy fortnne-teller got hold Of a
base ball-players hand the other day,
and attempted to map out his future.
She concluded that q now world would
have to be made to furnish the check
cred career in store for him.
An unfortunate lunatic has sent us
the following conundrum, which he has
used rs an instrument of torture on
Broad street for the past three days:
''Why is an analytical chemist q wo-
man? Because he is an an-a-lyZer."
The Post-office department has ruled
that husband has no control over the
correspondence of his wife, but this de-
cision will not prevent a man from car
rying his wife's letter in his inside coat
pocket three weeks before mailing it.
''Dear. dear!'' exclaimed Mrs. Brown,
II have just been over to see Clara.
Poor child! She is dying of ennui.''
"Why, how you talk'' cried Mrs.
Homespun; then adding. as she moved
away from her visitor, ..Mercy! 'Tain't
ketchin', is it.
Jay Gould, upon an occasion having
received a sample package of whisky
with a beautiful card upon which was
engraved the motto, Omitted we stand
divided we FALL" slyly remarked to one
of his partners: "Yon had better have
that motto transposed.'
II think shall have to ask your es-
cort this evening"" said sister to big
brother. swell, I guess not. Do you
suppose I'm going to let folks know l
can't go with any girl but my sister?
I'll stay at home first.'' There is a
good deal of such accommodation in
families.
A Norristown man who couldn't live
within his income, was advised to dis
pense with a few luxuries. He imme-
diately sold his gun and hunting dog
and bought a share in a yacht. Many
man would have smoked cheaper
cigar, and made his wife wear her last
years dress.
Mrs. Gadabout was visiting the Foggs
and had brought her three noisy boys
with her. ''Yes,'' she replied to some
remark about the urchins. .'they are all
father" "Good heavensr' muttered
Fogg, Il only wish they were all far
Their. shall go mad if they remain
here much longer ~
Epitaph said to be copied from a
| tombstone in the cemetery Montmarte:
-"Here lies Joseph K, who for twenty
years after the death of his wife lived in
the society of his mother-in-law. and
died in the certain hope of a better
world beyond.,'
A South end man has taught his dog,
when offered sausage, to smell of, it and
then turn away with mournful howl,
and when he goes into butchers shop
| where there are a lot of folks, offers the
| dog a sausage and the dog does the act,
it is awful embarrassing for the butch
er, and, if he gets a chance, he kicks
the dog.
A New York belle met with sad
loss while returning from summer re-
sort the other day. BY some means her
diary, containing the names of all the
gentlemen she had become engaged to,
| NlOppCu OuO VI VIC Cdl WluUOW, Nuu
now she can't tell which of her male
friends have right to kiss her.
Parson Jones had just concluded his
long discourse, the benediction had
been pronounced, and the congregation
was dispensing. Said Deacon Brown, q
great admirer of the parson, IA fine
sermon and we'll timed, too.'' EYES,"
ren1ied FOUU. ssit was cnrtain1v VOL
timed. About half the congregation
had their watches out most of the time
he was talking
An Ohio insurance agent in Dakota
some time ago offered Norwegian a
cigar. He took it, but not seeming to
know just what to do with it. the agent
offered him his cigar from which to oh.
tain light. He took the lighted
cigar, put it in his mouth, and placed
the unlighted one in his pocket. II
was the last one the poor insurance
man had, and he was twenty miles