The daily Cairo bulletin., 1882-10-31

one day last week, seemingly in trouble.
"Whats the matter, Samp" asked an
acquaintance. ooh, am afraid I'll be
an orphan" "An orphan! HowP"
THE ole oman is sicker' n the devil, and
the doctor says she's got ter die"
pa" said the inquisitive small boy,
what do they mean by unanimous"'
Unanimous, my son, unanimous -ah
why, when all the men want the same
thing, that's unanimous" politicians
is all unanimous, amt they, pap" "No,
my son; not by jugful." "Well, |
don't see why, cause they all wants an
office, anyhow"
The editor of the Latest NepS a paper
published at Juda, Wis, had his leg
broke by safe which he was getting
into his office falling on him. If editors
would use a soap box, with leather
hinges to the cover, with wooden but
ton to fasten it, they would not get hurt,
and their valuables would be just as
safe as in an iron safe.
An Arkansas woman knocked down
her husbands gun and was killed. One
OF the neighbors speaking about the sad
affair, said THAT was indeed sad
affair You can never replace her."
"Yes, replied the husband taking two
of his children onto his lap, "but there's
one consolation That old gun has never
failed to kill yit."
Plantation philosophy: IF de Lord
shortens de lives OBJ dem what he loves
it is great pity dat he amt fell in love
wild de man what always has his pocket
full oh political figures. IF yer want to
make oman mad an appear pleased
tell her OBJ a fault; but eff yer wanster
make her pleased an appear mad, tell
her dat she's good lookin'.
Scene in Court-"Now, Mr.. Blank,
you say that on that day, at noon, you
saw woman ride past your house at
furious pace, and you have given us
detailed description of her costume.
Please tell US what was the color of the
horse" II do not remember ''Well,
was the woman white or black?" ii
did not notice; she went so fast that
only had time to see how she was
dressed
An old negro professed to be indiffer-
ent us to future state, believing that
''dey'll make niggerS work eben in
heaben." A clergyman tried to argue
him out of his opinion by representing
that there was no work for him or any.
one else in heaven. you go'way,
massa,' was his reply; II know better.
If dere's no oder work for culled persons
up dere, dey'll make him shub de clouds
along"
A distinguished physician says that
the garments worn by women are pref
cradle to those worn by men. He may
speak from experience, but we don't be-
lieve he ever wore walking costume OF
royal blue cloth, with facings, revers,
and pelerine of velvet plush, with vel.
vet basque, long, clinging pelisse trim.
med with lace jabots down the fronts
and back, Charles ii collar, and tiny
black velvet poke and rib-compressing
corset cut entrain and SO forth. Hardly.
Commodore Vanderbilt had contract
ed so inveterate habit of keeping him
self and everybody else to the precise
matter in hand, that once, asking
friend he had invited to dinner if he
would take venison, and receiving what
he deemed an evasive reply, Thank
you, am going to take boiled chicken"
the Commodore sharply retorted; That,
sir, is no answer to my question; ask
you again i ,pu will take venison, and
| will trouble you to say yes or no with.
out prevarication.
When the hop-picking is over in Cal.
ifornia, the Indian who has been earn.
ing Sl,50 a day and feels the dignity OF
riches, betakes him to the nearest town
and invests his capital in gaudy apparel
and other creature comforts. He pur.
chases for himself a glossy black suit OF
cashmere and pair of boots, whose
red tops he displays with pride beneath
his rolled up trousers. He selects for
his squaw a handkerchief of many col.
ors, and if he feels like doing her speciaJ
honor, red quilt for her shoulders.
Thus adorned they seat themselves in
dignity fiat upon the sidewalk and eat
their way through the biggest water
melon that money will buy.