davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1882-03-29

Sc han ciroulsdo las 6rdenes para Ia
construction On los srsenales de cuatro
avisos de hierro de unos 30 metros de
eslora y fuerza de 800 caballos.
Dichos avisos SO destinAn al arChi-
pi@isgo filipino. Dsberan montsr tres
canones de buen cslibre, dos de ellos
en- repisas reductores salientes en- sus
costados.
Dos ser&n construidos en- la Carraca.
Los otrOs se construir8n en- ell FerroI
y Oartagens.
Los de la Oarraca Sc llamar5n Maqa.
lanes y Elcano el del Ferrol, Ooncba,
en- memoria del brigadier de la Armada
D. Juan Gutierrez de Ia Oonchs, padre
del actual presidente del Senado, senior
marques de la Habana, que despu6s de
una vida esmaltada de notables servi.
clos Oientifcos y miIitares fu@ fusiIado
en- las Pampas de Buenos Aires, victi
ma de 50 lealtad = patriotismo.
FL que Sc coustruys en- Cartagena 81
llamsya General Lezo, nombre del Rlo.
riosc defensor de- Oartsgena de Iudias,
contra los ingleses, en- el sligo pasado.
Las quillss de estos 1ltimos SO pom.
dram tambi6n con Ia mayor brevedad.
Aceptada por Sn Santidad la pro-
puesta del Gobierno espanol para Ia
provision de sedes vacantes, ser6n pre-.
conizsdos en- ell proximo consistorio Iot
prelados siguientes !:
Obispo de Oviedo, el dimisionario de
Vltoria, senior Herrero y Espinosa de
los Monteros de Tenerife, el auxiliar
de Zaragoza, Sr. Oervera; de Avila, eH
auxiliar de Toledo, Sr. Sanchez Hervas
de Orihuela, ell prior de las Ordenes
mllitares, Sr. Guisssola Rodriguez
de Vich, el penitenciario de Barcelona.
Sr Margada (; de Tuy, el doctoraI de
Oadiz, senior Huey Gutierrez de Ouen.
ca, el obispo de Tay, Sr. Valero. y de
Dora, IN postibas 9yfdeIam, eli seilol
Cascsjares y Azars, nombrado la vez
prior de las 6rdenes miiitares.
Seg6n parece, es nm, hecho 10 crea.
ci6n de la nusva direction de ms.
trucci6n militar de la Cual sc ha venido
hablando tanto en- los centros militares.
Esta tendra a 50 cargo las academia
de Estado Mayor, Artiller{a, Ingenie-
ros, 1ntanteris, OabslIerfs y Admins
TRACTION militar; las conferencias d.
otieiales de los distritos, las escuelas d.
tiro y las academies regimentales d.
oticiales y tropa. Anadese que estA dt..
signado para ests importautisima plaxn
81 ilustrado general Despujol.
The news., 1882-12-19
vARIEGATED sOUp.

\ nice man went into State
street restaurant Wednesday, one of
those places where dinner is always
ready from SIX o'clock in the morn
ing till sumdown, and ordered din
ner The soup was thick, but some
thing solid attracted his attention
within the mysterious depths He
fished out a piece of pickle.
"See here, waiter" he said, don't
it look as though you were spelling
good things y
"Hallo!" said the waiter, give
me that. There's a man at the 9th
er table now calling. for pickles.
You didn't order pickles; did you ?"
"No, nor / don't believe [ want
this soup" answered the man, as he
went fishing again and extracted q
cork.
"Well, bless me-" said the waiter,
'.ifthat amt the identical cork to
the Worcestershire sauce bottle.
Been missing two days. You don't
want that do you?
Its mine, amt it.? Didn't |
buy this soup?
"You can't eat corks. You bought
the soup TO eat, not to carry home
for the kids to play with. This amt
q bric-a-brac store
"It amt hey y said the nice man,
what do you call that Y He had
been angling again and hooked the
leather end Of an old pair of suspen-
ders.
That's mine, anyhow said the
waiter. That's personal property.
That don't belong to the firm"
Maybe the head of the firm is
down in here, too, saidth nice man.
"If YOU ever recover the body send
his things home with it to his fam
! ily," and he passed out into purer
atmosphere.
The news., 1882-12-19
ENTERTAINING HER BIG SISTERS
BEAU.

DEAL
aMy sister'll be down in minute, and
says you're TO wait, if you please;
And says | might stay till she come, if
I'd promise never to tease,
Nor speak till you spoke 10 me first. But
that's nonsense, for how would you
know
What she told me to say, if didn't? Don't
you really and truly think so2
"And then you'd feel strange here alone |!
And yon wouldn't know Just where
to sit;
For that chair isn't strong on its legs and
we never use it bit.
We keep it to match with the sofa. But
Jack Gays it would be Just like you
TO flop yourself right down upon it and
knock out the very last screw.
'Spose you try, | won't tell. You're
afraid to o, you're afraid they
would think it was mean.
Well then, there's the album-that's pret-
ty if your fingers are clean.
For sister says sometimes / daub it; but
she only says that when she's cross,
There's her picture. You know il? It's
like her but she ain't rs good
looking of course
"This il me, it's the best of EN- all. Now,
tell me, you'd never have thought
That once / was as little as that It's the
only one that could be bought
For that was the message to pa from the
photograph man where / sat-
That he wouldn't print OFF any more till
he first got his money for that
"What? Maybe you're tired of waiting.
Why often she's longer than this
There's all her back hair to do pp and all
her front curls to friz.
But its nice to be sitting here talking like
grown people, just you and me.
Do you think you'll be comm here often?
Oh, do But don't come like Tom
Lee
"Tom Lee Her last beau Why, my
goodness he used 10 be here day
and night,
Till The folks thought he'd soon be her
husband; and Jack says they give
him the fright.
You won't run away then, as be did? for
You're not rich man, they say
Pa Gays you're as poor as church mouse.
Now are you? And how poor are
they?
"Ain't yon glad that you met me- Well
am for ] know your hair isn't
p,,t ,rhat thara "a fag, IF ~, ,,,o,,s,, anI
The news., 1882-12-19
a FLOATING FARM.

Speaking about paying taxes,
said a man who had perhaps been
performing that pleasant duty. .'re-
minds me of an old fellow, a sort
of hermit, who lived where / did in
New Hampshire, and if he wasn't
the out-and-outest chap for avoiding
the demands of the State, then
I'm mistaken y
"Why didn't they sell him out y
Because they couldn't get hold
of the property. No it wasn't all
castles, and he didn't live in a bal.
loon, but on solid property, and
everytime the tax collector came
around in New Hampshire Ezra
and his property were in Massachu-
sets"
ooh, | see. He had the State
line on wheels and showed it about
to suit"
SsNot exactly but he had his prop
>dso that he could shift it
@ated. 1t was moth
q floating
The news., 1882-12-19
THE BAD BOY.
some of the Naughty Tricks He Played
ON the Old Gentleman.
Milwaukee Sun.

ON the Old Gentleman.
Milwaukee Sun.
what is that | hear about your
pas being arrested in Chicago said
the grocery man to the bad boy
as he camein with can for kero-
sene and Aug for vinegar,
"Well, it was true, but the police
let him go after they hit him few
.licks and took him TO the station, =
says the boy, as he got the vinegar
into the kerosene can and the kero-
sene in the jug. 'You see, pa and
me went down there to stav over
night, and have fun. Ma said she
druther we would be away than not
when they were cleaning house, and
pa thought it would do me good to
travel and sort of get tone, and he
thought maybe I'd be better and
not play jokes, but | guess it is borne
in me. Do you know, ! actually
think of mean things to do when |
am in the most solemn places. They
took me to a funeral once, and / got
to thinking what stampede there
would be if the corpse would come
to life and sit up in the coffin, and |
snickered right out, and pa took me
out'of doors and kicked my pants.
| don't think he orter kicked me for
it, cause / didn't think of it a pur-
pose. Such things have occurred,
and | have read about them, and a
poor boy ought to be allowed to think,
hadn't he?
''Yes but about his being arres-
ted? Never mind the funeral, " said
the grocery man, as he took his
knife and picked some of the lead
out of the weights on the scales.
"We went down on the ears, and
pa had headache, because he had
been out all night electioneering for
the Prohibition ticket, and he was
kcross and scolded me, and once he
pulled my ear cause / asked him if
he knew the girl he was winking at
in the seat across the aisle. / didn't
enjoy myself much, and some men
were talking about kidnapping chill
dren, and it gave me an lice. and
just before | got to Chicago | went
after a drink Of water to the other
end of the car, and | sawa man who
looked as though he wouldn't stand
any fooling, and | whispered to him
and told him that the bald-headed
man | was sitting with was taking
me away from my home in Milwau-
kee, and | mistrustcd he was going
to make thief or a pickpocket out
of me. ! said 'S-h-h-h, and told
him not to say anything or the man
would maui me. Then / went back
to the seat and asked pa to buy me a
gold watch, and he looked mad and
cuffed me ON the ear. The man that
whispered to got to talking with
some other men, and when we got
off the cars at Chicago policeman
came up to pa and took him by the
neck and said, Mr.. Kidnapper,
guess / will run YOU in Pa was
mad and tried to jerk away, and
the cop choked him, and another
cop came along and helped, and the
wanted
The news., 1882-12-19
invitation.

Strangers are invited to visit
our store, when in Philadel-
pIlia, to leave packages there,
and to make a convenience
Of it generally. It's a handy
place, right by the new City
Hall, at the very center of the
city. 1t answers our purpose
to welcome you, and to pro-
vide for such of your wants
as we can.
The store is about twice
as large as it was two or
tlrce years ago; made SO by
f'igging under ground and
ailding overhead, and by ex-
nsion on Chestnut street.
arts Of the store are about
comfortable as any place
n be; and one of the most
pnfortable parts is now be-
* got ready for the rest and
'reshment Of strangers.
One of the pleasant things
bout the store always has
.en the fact that you can
walk all over it, either alone
CT with a guide, without ever
y ing asked to buy a thing.
We know very well that most
d you come to us for a good
share Of your supplies; why
should we spoil your visit by
iatruding goods upon your
aetention, when you come to
see the place ?
But perhaps you are not
)ming to Philadelphia just
now Very well; take a cool
q time. It's cool enough in
the store, when you get here.
You can write for any goods
tAat YOU may happen to
want and get them, proba-
bly,, just as we'll as if you
were on the spot. Any how,
YOU know, you can return
whatever you get that you
don't like.
We sell more sorts of
things than we can put into
an advertisement. So, what
ever you want, suppose you
drop us a lines Well help
you if we can.
JOHN WANAMAKER.
Chestnut, Thirteenth and Marke;
streets. and Citv-hall square.
PstILADEIrlils
The news., 1882-12-19
AZ OLD RIFLE

1776-Curious that a century ago
Il brsech-loading rifle, which en-
abled those armed with it to seize
every advantage of cover, should
have been invented, brought into
use, and then lost sight of. Amer
lean writers note that during the
Revolution war. Ferguson's rife
was used with effect by his corps"
and the biographer of Washington
saws of Its inventor "The British
extolled him as superior to the
American Indians in the use Of the
rifle in short, as being the best
marksman living An account of
its exhibition before Lord Town
send, then Master General Of the
Ordinance, is to be found in the
"Annual Register of1st June, 1875.
"Some experiments were tried at
Woolwich before Lord Viscount
Townsend. Lord Amherst, Gems.
Hervey and Desaguiliers, and a
number Of other officers, with II
fie-gun, upon a new construction, by
Captain Ferguson, Of the seventeen
regiment; when that gentleman,
under the disadvantage Of a heavy
rain and high wind. performed
the following four things, none of
which had ever been accomplished
with any small arm; First, he fired
during four or FIVE minutes at a target
200 yards distance, at the rate Of
four shots each minute; second, he
fired six shots in one minute; third,
he fired four times per minute, adj
vancing at the rate of four miles in
the hour, fourth he poured bottle
Of water in the pan and barrel ofthe
piece when loaded, so as to wet every
grain of powder, and in less than =
half minute fired with her as well
as ever without extracting the ball.
He also hit the bull's-eye at 100
yards lying with his back on the
ground, and Notwithstanding the
unequalness of the wind and wetness
of the weather, he only missed the
target three times during the whole
course of experiments. The Captain
has since taken out a patent for the
said improvements" The inven-
ton attracted a great deal of atten-
ton, and before long was exhibited
before the King at Windsor by some
private men of the guards, But in
the presence of majesty the marks
man was shy, and shot wild. "They
would not, said the captain, "be 50
embarrassed in the presence of your
Majesty's enemies Ferguson then
took a rife himself, and nine shots
which he fred at the distance of 100
yards put FIVE balls into the bulls
eye of the target four within as
many inches Of it. Three of these
shots were fired as he lay on his back
the other six standing erect. Being
asked how often he could lead and
fire in a minute, he said seven times
but ended, pleasantly, that he could
not undertake in that time to knock
down FIVE of his Majesty's enemies. /"
We are no longer hanuy 20 som
The news., 1882-12-19
HE GOT A NICKEL.

A hotel guest was standing having
his clothes brushed. Oh finishing
he handed five-dollar bill to the
hall boy. He grinned from ear to
ear, and nearly broke his back bow
ing and thanking 50 generous be-
ing But his face fell so quickly
that he had some trouble in catch
ing it before it reached the floor,
when the generous being said, in a
tone not to be trifed with: Get it
changed" He went away and
brought back the change-fve one
dollar bills. Deliberately pocket
ing FOUR the generous being handed
the one remaining to the duster
Again a sweeping bow from the
dust-broom, "Thank you," and
sudden convulsion as the guestre-
marked in q solemn tone: Get it
changed Once more he departed
and brought back two fifty cent
pieces. One went into the travellers
pocket, the other into the hall boys
palm. He smiled, said Thank you"
and was slipping it into his pocket
when "Get it changed" again rang
into his ears Two quarters came
back with him this time, which he
handed to the guest, who, putting
one into his pocket, turned over the
other to the hall-boy. This time he
was allowed to walk off nearly
across the hall, when, as if by an
electric shock, he was brought to q
standstill, with these terrible words.
"Get it changed This time two
dimes and nickel were deposited
in the hand Of the guest, who put
the two dimes in his pocket, handed
the dust-bey nickel and walked in
to dinner.
The news., 1882-12-19

much sedate and quiet comfort, for
the women, at least. The men of
the village do not seem to get much
fun. Perhaps their sport is spread
50 evenly through their istless lives
that there is no call to break out
in spots. Certainly there is no such
thing as hilarity among them.
The news., 1882-12-19

Though the barber may have no
children to receive his inheritance,
there are always many hairs appar-
ent in his shop.
The BARRIERS motto is soap ON. soap
ever.
There are many more things |
might tell you of the barber, child
ren but he is a great conversatial-
iSt and able to speak for himself.
The news., 1882-12-19

@If yez are sellin' thin chape to-
day I'll buy wan observed Mrs.
Mullaley, pointing to tempting
group Of plump, yellow squashes.
The huckster stated the price. Mrs.
Mullaly seemed 50 well satisfied that
she selected the biggest one in the
lot, settled the bill and marched off
with her prize. En-route home she
indulged in the following soliloquy
81 promised Dinnis if he'd kape
sober for week I'd give him water
melon for his Sunday dinner. Hes
been as good as his wurrud, an faith
I'll be as good as moine"
The news., 1882-12-19
SOME REMARKS ON THE BARBER,

SOME REMARKS ON THE BARBER.
The barber, children, is of an ex-
tinet species. The hair-dresser and
tonsorial artist Of the present day
are supposed, however, TO be de-
scendants Of the barber in direct
line.
The barber is treacherous Great
ure. He has been known to cut his
best friends.
He is remarkably sharp in a bust
ness transaction, and he will shave
you if he gets a chance. In fact
shaving may be said to be his busi-
ness.
The barber is a strapping fellow
and is always ready to razor row.
have frequently seen him take man
by the nose without the least provo
cation.
He always wants his hone way,
and is always ready for a brush.
He has his shortcom( b)ings, to be
sure and is apt to stir up your dan
der; but he has a smooth tongue. and
knows how to lay the lather.
can't say that he was charged
with murder. but thousands of peo-
pie dye in his shop yearly.
Formerly the barber was surgeon
also, and he used to be paid for bleed
ing his. customers. Nowadays he
draws blood without extra charge.
The barber sees a great many at
fecting scenes. There is a great deal
of parting done in his shop.
Isuspect children are afraid of the
barber at all events they never call
at his shop when their mothers send
them for shavings.
The barber is true homeopath.
He believes in the doctrine that like
cures like. When he would remove
the bristles from a mans face he al
ways rnbs bristles on it.
The barber is a very secretive fcl-
low. You will find locks everywhere
about his place
He has little recreation. Curling
is his chief amusement.
He always stands well in his pro
fession. You will generally find him
at the head.
He never makes game of his work
unless hair dressing may be consid-
cred rare bit Of pleasantly.
The barber has to stand a great
deal from his customers. He does
not care, however, how much cheek
they display in his establishment, and
the more chin they give him the bet
ter he likes it.
The BARRIERS wife goes shopping,
just like other women, though she
ought to be able to get hir-suit at her
husbands establishment. She prob
I'LL Snrpfers ID whisker around else
The news., 1882-12-19

/ for good many years it blew about
the pond until finally the old chap
put up Il hut on it, kept a COW,
chickens and ducks, and had reg
ular floating farm. But one day he
heard the assessor was coming, so
he cast off the moorings that he had
rugged to the island, and before the
next day the wind had carried him
over the State line that ran through
the pond into Massachusetts,, and
when the assessor went out in q skiff'
the old bog-skipper, as they called
him, actually threatened to arrest
him for trying to assess the taxes Of
a neighbor State. He anchored the
island on the Massachusetts, side
until the selectmen got after him
there and for several years he dod-
ged back and forth, and didn't pay
a cent on his four acres. But final
ly they put up job on him, and
two collectors, one from each State,
went out in skiffs, the island being
anchored in the middle of the lake.
The old man said he was ready to
pay, only he wanted it just right, as
he lived In both States-the house
was in one State the barn in the
other The collectors got so mixed
up trying to straighten it out that
| believe they had to take it into
court. Anyway, | don't think the
old mans taxes are square yet
A similar case might happen at
another place in New England, .
said one of the group of listeners.
"On Lake Menomenouk there is an
island that for long time was call
ed the mysterious island. 1t be-
longed to the town of Winchendon,
Mass, contained about six acres
and was covered with trees thirty
feet ormore high. Some of the peo-
pie declared that they had seen the
island move years ago, but they were
generally laughed at until one morn
ing they found it gone, and now il is
or was Il short time ago, over the
State line in New Hampshire, near
ly three miles from where it first
stood. 1t was originally bog held
together by roots, and the water had
: gradually undermined it, until a
good sharp breeze took the trees as
sails and away it went.
"Many lakes have similar islands
even in streams affected by tide
They are found anchored BY roots
rising and falling with the water
and swinging by their vegetable
cables. Some Of the European lakes
, have such islands that are used fol
pasturage, and they often carry the
island population to great distances
The news., 1882-12-19

\ Montana woman brought snit
for divorce on the ground that her
husband was in the habit of kissing
and hugging the hired girl; but the
Judge refused to grant the divorce
because he said the wife was 50
homely that the husband was usti-
fed III kissing another woman.
Since that decision there has been a
marked increase in that section in
the number Of married men with
homely wives.
The news., 1882-12-19

A Connellsville, Pa, sportsman
shot a duck on the river, and it was
quickly dragged beneath the surface
of the water, George ElIerd trolled
about the spot the next day, and
captured a pike. Weighing TWEEN
ty-one pounds, in whose stomach was
the stolen duck.
The news., 1882-12-19

afraid to say no, and L said. -e-s,
sir, | guess So Then the police
said the poor boy was scarf, and
they would take us both to the sta
tion, and they made pa walk spry,
and when he held back they ierked
him along. He was offul mad, and
said he would make somebody smart
for this, and hoped it wouldn't be
me. At the station they charged pa
with kidnapping a boy from Mil
waukee, and he said it was lie and /
was his boy, and / said Of course /
was and the boss asked who told
the cops pa was a kidnapper, and
they said, damfno, and then the
boss told pa he could go, but not to
let it occur again, and pa and me
went away. I looked so sorry for
pa that he never tumbled to me
that | was to blame.
| We walked around town all day,
and at night pa was offul tired, and
he put me to bed in the tavern and
he walked out to get rested. | was
not tired, and / walked all around
the hotel. ] thought pa had gone
to y theatre, and | thought | would
| play a joke on him, our room was
| 210 and the next room was 212, and
| there was an old maid with Il Scotch
terrier occupied 212. / saw her
twice and she called me names. cause
she thought ! wanted to steal her
dog. That made me mad at her, and
50 | took my iack-knife and drew the
tacks out of the tin thing that The
numbers were painted on, and put
the old maids number on our door
and our number on her door. and
then | went to bed. tried to keep
awake so as to help pa if he had any
difficulty, but | guess | got asleep,
but woke up when the dog barked.
If the dog had not woke me up the
woman's screams would, and if that
hadn't, pa would. You see pa came
home from the theatre about 'leven,
and had been drinking. He says
everybody drinks when they 90 to
Chicago, even the minister. Pa
| looked at the numbers on the doors
all along the hall till he found 210,
and walked right in and pulled off
his coat and threw it on the lounge
where the dog was. The old maid
was asleep, but the dog barked, and
pa said That cussed boy has bought
a dog.' and he kicked the dog, and
| then the old maid woke up and says
w hat Is the matter, pet Ia laffed
| and said /: 'Nothin' the mazzer with
me, pet, and then you ought to have
heard the yelling. The old maid
covered her head and kicked and
yelled, and the dog snarled and bit
pa on the pants, and pa had his vest
off and his suspenders unbuttoned
and he got scared and took his coat
and vest and went out INTO the hall,
ana opened our door ana told pa
ne was IN the wrong room, ana ne
came III our room ana locked the
door, and then the oeil boy ana the
porter ana the clerk came up 70 see
wnat aiieo 'he oid inaiu' ana she saio
a burglar go' IN her foonl' ana 'hey
iouno pa ; nat on lne lounge ana
they TOOK IL ana toid hef TO oe qulei
ana tney would ma tne burglar
ia was 50 scared tnat ne sweat IKE IKE
everything, ana 'he pea was onul
warm, anu ne pretehded 10 go to
sieep, out ne was wondering now ne
coulo get ms na' oack III tne morn
ing, l toio nlm IL wouio pe haro
work 10 explain II 10 ma now ne
-, ;,
saw .n,,+h;na - no Than ~ l.. /, :
In 4L1:,as.'3l.
aa;aTs;,.It Lao,, ~ -,
:eT M - =
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