The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-12-23
A HumOrist's Barometer.

Somebody was asking Hartford man
how it happened that Mark twain wrote
and published so little nowadays. He
writes as much as ever" was the reply,
but his barometer is out of order, and he
does not know what to publish. So he
publishes nothing"
'What in the world has his barometer
to do with his literary activity"
'His barometer is a man-servant
named Jacob, who is remarkable for his
deficient sense of humOr. Mark never
can Judge of the merit of his own per-
formances. Years ago he fell into the
habit of testing everything that he wrote
by observing its effect upon Jacob. If
Jacob listened to the reading of the ar
ticle, jest, or story with unmoved cOun-
tenance, or merely smiled in perfume
tory way, Mark was satisfied and sent
the manuscript to the printer. But if
Jacob laughed outright or gave any
other indication of genuine meriment,
the humoriSt concluded that the stuff
was hopeless and withheld it from pub
LEGATION. He regarded Jacob as infali-
bic and came to lean upon his judg-
ment.
about three years ago, it appears,
Jacob learned for the first time
from some outsider that his
master was professional humorist. He
felt greatly honored that he should have
been chosen habitually to enjoy the first
freshness OF every new production of
genius. He did not exactly understand
why he should have been thus chosen,
but felt in a vague way that great
humorist must need sympathy and APP
probation, and must naturally look for
it to the fellow-being nearest at hand.
He also felt that he had perhaps failed
to be at ali times sufficiently apprecia-
tive. So Jacob kept his discovery to
himself as far as his master was con-
icerned, and resolved to be as apprecia-
tive in the future as anybody could
desire.
Zone day Mark called Jacob in and
read him a sketch entitled The Cow and
the Lightning rod Man In composing
it Mark had tlattered himself that he had
struck apretty fine streak. TO his amaze
ment Jacob put back his head and roared.
With half-suppressed ejaculation Mark
dashed the manuscript into the waste
paper basket.
Then Mark waited six weeks or two
months to collect his forces (for he is
never precipitate in anything he does)
and achieved a romance called How [
Bounced the Baby He summoned
Jacob and watched his face with obvious
anxiety as he read the touching nara
tive, jacobs mirth was painful to OBJ
serve. Mark tore up the story and then
tore his hair.
1.-Two or three experiments of this
sort with unyarying results, persuaded
Mark Twain that the malaria. which he
has been dreading ever since it began to
creep up the Connecticut Valley, had
reached him at last and DESTROYED his
powers Of usefulness. He fell into Il
settled melancholy. His friend, the Rev.
Mr.. Twitchell, tried in vain to cheer him
up. Perhaps suggested Twitchell,
your man has really cultivated a sense
of humOr, so that you must no longer
judge by opposites.' Mark shook his
head, and borrowed 4 volume of Jona-
than Edwards sermons from his friend s
library. He copied out a long passage
from the discourse on eternal punish
ment, and palmed it off on Jacob as his
own latest effort. For the first time in
history, the gloomy periods provoked
peais of laughter. Jacob held his sides
and shook all over. Then he suddenly
stopped. his countenance became blank,
turned pale, and he incontnently fled.
He had seen murder in his master eve.
That" said the Hartford man, in
conclusion, sis why Mark Twain does
not write. He hung his reputation as a
humorst upon his barometer, and his
barometer no longer works. ". Y.
Cor. Phii0deiDhjG Press.