The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-07-14
WHY WE LAUGH.
4 bald headed man says his hair reminds
him of fool and his money.

3 Hltn Oh u IOOl anu us money.
1t makes very little difference what the
weather may be In other parts of the coun-
| try in April and May, they always have Hot
Springs in Arkansas.
The rector Ito Irish plasterer)
mortar must have been very bad" Pat (with
a grin)-''Faix, We can't expict the likes o.
good Roman cimlnt to stick to Protestant
church, sorv'-Ptmch.
Examiner-Well, sir, we will now sup.
pose that You have been called in to attend
patient who has taken powerful dose Of
arsenic. What would you advise giving him?
NJ. d. (in embryo)-The last sacraments,
sir.
"Don't you think / have good face for
the stage?" asked a young lady with histri-
onic aspirations. 81 don't know about the
STAGE" replied her gallant companion, "but
you have lovely face for bus sw-N Y.
Commercial. el-sr---.r -.r=ssesa -s..--1s.s. ... ND
it. is stated, probably in jest, that Gustave
Dore has bought villa on the outskirts of
Paris, and has written up over the entrance
the musical notation, ''Do, Mi, 81, La, Do,
Re-" This, being properly interpreted, is
"Domicile Dore."
"What's that you're playing ?" said New
Haven man to his daughter, who was pound
ing at the piano keyboard with more noise
than skill. at Is Wagnerian, pa; that's the
music of the future" "Oh, it is, Is IL? Let
it be long time in the future before hear
any more it. Play me Comm Through
the Rye" "Oh, pa, amt you horrid; al
ways thinking about something to drink"
Honors are easy In that family.
The Hon. VIM. NJ. Evarts was recently
the guest of a friend at dinner, and was
asked what part of the turkey he preferred.
lie replied that 1t was "quite inconsequen-
tal to one of his recognized a0stemiousness
and supersensitive stomachic nervation
whether he be rendered an infnitesimal por-
ton Of the opaque nutriment OF the neither
extremities, the superior fraction of pinioD,
or snow cleavage from the cardiac re-
gion." He got it.
The new reporter was sent to the school
exhibition; his report read pretty well; but
there were few things in 1t which did not
meet the approval of the local editor; such,
for instance, as these: "The young ladies
showed that they had thoroughly rehearsed
their parts until they were letter perfect"
"the essays of the graduating class were
good, whoever wrote them;" 'the floral Of
ferings were excessive and from the num-
DER recelVeu Dy Miss OlnplcSusn VIC Juusc
her father owns first-class greenhouse"
'the young lady who read the valedictory
to the teachers has in her the making Of a
fine actress. She simulated sorrow so accu
rately that the writer might have been mis-.
lie had he not subsequently, heard the
young lady speak of this same dear teacher
as "a hateful old thing '"-Boston Trans
cript
eJulia" wants to know "what a party
platform lisp" Well, a platform, Julia, Is
one preamble aud twenty resolutions, strong
in non essentials, vague in essentials; round
the bush on tariff, aud rough as thunder on
the Mormons; clamoring for civil service re-
form; down on corruption, loud in It's praise
Of putty, and determined TO have it # II
takes every cent the party can raise. The
platform, you understand, Julia, is a legiti-
mate and necessary part of the campaign
pomp and circumstance; II goes along with
the banners, transparences and torches, and
when the campaign Is over-well, 1t Is stored
away In the cellar or garret, along with the
rest of the uniforms and torches. A cam
paign platform is very much like a campaign
torch, indeed; it gives out great deal of
smell and smoke with very uncertain. flick
ering light.-Ha,okeye.