Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-01-13
Barney in Trouble.
rrontO Canada Grip.
ERINGoBRAeH TERRACE,

habit sur, of readin' the papers. An /
want to be afther tellin' thin vsga-
bonds ay editors that they won't have
chance to play off their practical jokes
on me any more, for the sorra paper,
Grit or Tory, will read for tie mkt
SIX months, at laste. 1t wasn't enough
for them to enter into q conspiracy to
ware me from readin' their articles an
ayditorials, but they mustn't do it if yez
PLACE, afther the Austrian dd aouSeum
method of curing an inabriate. 1t WAS
st. Jacobs Oil here an st. Jacobs Oil
there, until the vision of that ovid
leech sitting there with his staff in wan
hand an his bottle sv oil in the other,
haunted me thoughts be day an me
dhrames be night. As long as they
KEEP 1t IN the advertiser columns it
didn't bother me at ali, but whin every
bit av mans mental yictuals is satur-
ated with wan thing, an that thing ST
Jacobs Oil, fax, thin, it's stronger
shtammach thin mine can shtand IT,
Last week, sure, lights me pipe an
sits down afther me days work to
read that encyclopedias av daily
news, the Globe, and was just regain'
meself wild q beautiful article entitled
"a National Blessing" 1t was two
columns long. an l had just got half
way down the second column, whin
what should crap up but-St. Jacobs
Oh. To blazes wild yez, We vile desaver.
says l, sthlckin' the Globe into the stove
Wholesale {; it's pretty pass I'm come
to whin I'm afther being wheedled into
wastin' three mortal quarthers av an
hour readin' a durthy ovid advertise
ment agin me own will. An wild that
sayzes me hat in great rage and tares
down to the Globe office to tell thin to
sthap me paper there and thin. l
wasn't down q quarther of block whin
clang whit iviry fire-bell in the city
all the paple cum rushin' out ay doors,
an, lukin' back, what should see but
me own ohimbley ablazin' ike fury,
an great mob agatherin' round the
dure. Be time / gat back, there wor
three or four ingins playin' on me
house, an afore they got through it
was like nothin' else at all but Noah's
Ark iii the middle av the deluge.
That shows the quantity av st. Jacobs
Oil must av been in that Globe to be
atther kindhn' up the chimbley like
that. Well, the very mkt day | takes
up the paper and says to meself yez
won't fool me any more wild your
National Blessings" an to protect
meself agin bein' chated again, | begins
| at the bottom av the page an tries to
read upwards, when after awhile l
| comes up to the purtiest pictur, Cap
tain Boyton foatin' on his back.
an he a'rigged up like yacht in full
II II Il
SIGH beautiful invention? / mustn't be
afther readin' all aboutit. So begins at
The top an comes down the first column
all tight, but on the next column what
does Captain B. rub himself wild but
st. Jacobs Oil Wishal now the divil
rub the shkin off av yez, u sure,
it's mighty hard up Misthur Gordon
Brown must be for something to sup
ply his customers wild whin he's takin'
to dosin' thin wild st. Jacobs Oil An
fur four days afther | darsn't look AZ
paper wild the corner av me left eye,
for fear I'd see the name av that ovid
Banshee on the page. Well, on the
fifth day, | was afther smokin' me pipe
in the corner an thinkin' what de-
saver that Globe was, though to tell yez
the truth, | was mis-in' it awful, whin
who should come in but Katie MIll3r
mischievous clip av d girl, tha.'s a.
tendin' wan av our big schools in town
here. She had copy az the HamiI
ton Arenin' Tines in her hand NJ
thur O'Hea," SEE she, w;d , sl9lce 9Is
az smoile, ..te yez know Anything
about natural magic Here's. piece
seq she. nately openi1' 10 the paper.
Its called 'Nagic's Wonders, az its
all about s mar an nov he could phi
snakes all over another mans srrIl
oh, MY MiSthur O'Hea, the fuuu.s-;
thing, ma sail / ought 20 bring It -
you" So widout thlnkiu' | takAS the
paper, ali sure enough il was all acouG
magic, an ali that sort ~ thing. Wans..
whin l happened to lux up, | noticed
that she stud wild the door knob in her
hand, an she had ouaIe little ShnirS
on her face, an l could shware SAW
Nora wink at ner, hut as they are ST.
ways up to some divitry paid no a.
tinton WHATEVER, at all. till sv s sudden
the cowld dhraps av sweat
broke out on me forehead. an
the mkt minute | was flyin' Ike
the wind out the back dure an down
hoaxin' little clip that had cum all The
way from King street, for the iun av
81. in me read that two column adver-
tisement of St. Jacobs OIL.
Now Misther GRIP, ak yez sclemnly.
don't yez think it's too bad for man
who pays for his paper i'll good faith,
to think he musht examine the head
an the tail an the middle an all
round the edges av an article afore
settin' down to read it, in order to be
aat ured, that its not sugar coated al
vertisement he's studyin' all the timer
B dad, horrible fear has this mo-
ment come to me, that maybe, per
hAps some other victim of this vile
desate, will be afther thinkin' me own
letther is an advertisement. Don't ytz
behave it, my dear reader, it's dead III
airnest / am about this desavin' bust
ness. In airnest! sure it's haunted
am be day an be night wild the ghost
av them three words: ST. JACOBS
OIL; it holds me, sur, faster than the
gilt erin eye av the ancient mariner
held the man on the way to his moth
er-in-law's wedding; it stares at me
from iviry fince an deadwall; it grins
at me flom iviry druggists window; il
is in iviry column av iviry paper l
pick up; they've all got i'll GRIP has
got It'll the air Is rife wild i'll and it's
crazy it's drivin' mel Och Millia Muir
thurl see bloodl helpl Misther GRIP!
helpI Murtherl Thieverl-
=
Dear Sir:-Tbe enclosed unfinished
letter addressed TO you is from me
poor husband Barney, be was writln'
it.when all av a sudden he was tux in
fit. | sint for the doctor. He says
his nerves is quite shattered, an thinks
he must have something prayin' on his
mind. He has not been lookin' so well
this last two weeks. He used to be
such great reader, but now the sight
az newspaper sets him crazy He
takes how'd av it an howlds it at ar
runs length, an Iuks it all over wild
square, scared kind av a lux, on then
wild a grosn he sticks it in the fire.
When said to him the other day that
a bottle of st. Jacobs Oil might do him
good, be just glowered at me an said:
"Et tn Brute ye." had a good cry
over it, for Barney niver called me a
brute in his life before, an I'm afraid
his minds gettin' onset led about sum-
fhIr,s ba4 ~ ~,