Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-05-11

SWer6u : ''brO. MOQeraIor, LII Solly-1 III
sorry-that didn't break her neck. '-Eli-
COMING TO THE POINT.-Comment is often
made on the curiosity Of people in the agricul-
tural districts, but it is only right and proper
that an honest farmer who addressed by a
perfect stranger should weigh the subject we'll
before giving away valuable information. The
other day Detroiter who was engineering a
horse and buggy over muddy highway in the
western part of this county met farmer and
called out:
do you folks fly when you 60 to town ?"
The farmer put down the rail he was lifting
up, took chew of ''shorts," and advancing
nearer, calmly inquired:
Want to sell that hoss?'
''No."
want to buy mate to him ?"
'sNo."
/ want to trade that buggy for wagon ?''
s'No."
Buying butter to ship?'
NO.
rspeculating in 'taters any?''
''No."
Anything new in Detroit ?"
Haven't heard of anything"
''Traveled very far to-day?'
''About twelve miles"
''Going to the city tonight ?"
eyes, if l can get there. Now, then, do
you folks out here along the line OF this infer
nal river of mud fly when you 60 to town ,"
The man looked around, heaved, sigh and
broke off a twig to pick his teeth before an
swering:
stranger, what kind of flying machine
are you peddling, and what's your very lowest
figures for cash ?-Detroit Free Press.
>~ .
COTTON SEED O1L.-Cotton seed oil is said
to be as good in every way as the imported
olive oil, which is very expensive and usually
adulterated. Cotton seed oil is also being
substituted for lard in cooking. Much Of the
lard sold in stores is made up of substances
that would cause the public to shudder, if
they knew what they were. Cotton seed oil
is infinitely more healthy and purer. 1t is
also ascertained by those who are medical
authority, that cotton seed oil is equal to the
best imported olive oil in allaying the cutane-
Gus irritation caused by the bites of ticks, red
bugs, and other insects that, although they
are never invited, always manage to be pres
ent at picnics, at this season of the year, and
take an active part in the ceremonies.
1t is stated that cotton seed oil has been
used in another line of business, SO to speak.
A travelling preacher by the name OF Barnes,
is performing miraculous cures in Tennessee.
He cures afflicted people of pride, freckles,
stiff necks, rheumatism, evil tongue, red hair,
itch for Office, apoplexy, and a number OF 9TH
er maladies of a still more serious character.
The miraculous cures are performed by anOint-
ing the guilty party with oil, and cotton seed
oil answers the purpose better than any other.
If Barnes comes to Texas, and undertakes to
cure all those suffering from itch for Office he
will need a great quantity of oil, and rise in
price may be looked for.-1er0S SttingS.
"OLD S1'' ON PoLITIcs. of the Fourth
ward politicians tackled the old man last
night, saying
s'Uncle 81, how is you gwine to vote in dis
'leckshun p
81 amt gwne to vote no way, 'kase 1 amt
been heah long 'nuff ter git nachulized yit. :"
''Well, 'sposing dat you had de age whicher
way wood yer vote 20
'I'd vote wild my mouf shet and do de job
airily-dat's my han: allus ~
But witch ticket 'ud yer vote -dimocrat
publican or ind'pendint 20
81 wouldn't vote nary wun-I'se 'er scratch
er from er country whar de seben year itch
ar politikly epidemic-an' votes fer men an
not fer de labil what's put on de ticket l
neber goes ter sea in er bote jess 'kase hits
got er gilt fggerhead!'
''Den you don't believe in stickin' ter de
nominations ?"
'sYas, 1 does-but Is'e ginurlly de man
what makes de nominashuns on my tickit, an
de sooner dat every hones' man forms hiSself
in holler squar', calls hisself ter order an
nominates his own ticket unanimously, de
sooner dar'll be reform in politics an honesty
in de gubmentn'
This doctrine seemed novel to the Fourth
warder, and when last seen he was evidently
deeply engrossed in the proceedings of a con-
vention of one.-Florida Times
Not Too Thin, But Too SHoRT-A tramp
just arrived in the Island City attracted atten-
tion by the fact that all his raiment was in
tatters except his pants, which was foot too
short, perfectly new, but didn't fit anywhere
II believe you stole those pants from some
store They don't look like they belong to
you,'' said a policeman, looking at the gar
ments.
''You darned fool, if had stole them I'd
have picked out pair to fit me. Amt that
the way you do when you-buy your pants?''
II believe I'll arrest you anyhow" and he
was marching him off when the tramp laughed
and said:
''Galveston is the funniest town I've struck
YETI
''What do you mean by that p
'Well, everywhere else the police arrest you
if they see fit, but here they arrest you if they
don't see fit,' and he glanced down at his abb
breviated unmentionables, which struck him
just below the knee, and laughed some more.
THE SQUARE MAN.-The square man mez-
zures the same each way, an hain't got no
wainny edges, nor shaky lumber in him.
He is free from knots and sap, and won't
warp.
He is klear stuff, and don't care what yu
work him up into he won't swell and he won't
shrink.
He il amungst men what good kil-dried
boards are among carpenters, he won't season
krack.
1t don't make any difference which side ov
him yu cum up to, he is the same bigness each
way and the only way tew git at him, emmy
how, IL to face him.
He knows he il square, and never spends
emmy time trieing to prove it.
The square man il one ov the best shaped
men the world has ever produced, he IL one ov
them kind ov chunks that kant alter tew fit a
spot, but yu must alter the spot tew fit him.
Josh Billings.