The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-11-02
WIT AID HUNoR.

Inquirer: What is the extreme penalty
for bigamye Two mothers-in-law.
A Boston school girl describes a
statue IS bust with two legs under it.
Latin is dead language. and this is
why doctors use it for writing out their
prescriptions.
There are no pumps where the coco ?
nut grows, which, perhaps, accounts for
the milk in it.
The Turk and the man who steps on
q banana skin aave much in common.
For instance, they both sit down with
out calling for chair.
An old lady, hearing that John Bright
contemplated visiting this country,
hoped that he wouldn't bring his ''dis-
ease" with him."
What is the difference between an old
tramp and . feather-bed? There is a
material difference One is hard up
and the other is soft down.
When friend asked reformed inc
briate the cause of his reformation, he
said: GAS you are married, you will
quite understand me when say getting
tipsy made me see my mother-in-law
double"
The sublimest state of misery is en-
dured only by man with q stiff1y-
starched vest, collar that won't stay
buttoned behind, pair of tight shoes
and blackberry seed between his front
teeth.
A Russian poet has presented lady
of whom he is enamored q set of works
bound in the skin of his own leg, which
was amputated some months ago. If
ever books were bound in calf, these
are.
The daughter of Texas cattle king
has just returned from Paris, where she
says she walked through the Tooraloor-
ais, and visited shottoe where she saw
the statues of Pysic and Catherine de
Medical.
Said railroad engineer to an Irish
man, whose COW had been killed: "But
she didn't get out of the way when l
rang the bell" Faith, thin," said Pat.
''ye didn't shtop when she rang her bell
nayther."
Wy, my tear poy." he said at Long
Branch, Tuesday, ''dare ish no blaze
like der seasides in Septober; der. air ish
fine like silk, und der prizes at der
poarding-house ish Sleeper daa living
at home, SO darer
A Western man while ago eloped
with his mother-in-law. Not that he
had any fancy for the woman. But she
had said he was the worst husband on
earth, and he wanted the world to see
that she really didn't think so.
Fathers often make great mistake
in bringing up their sons to follow their
own trade. A Philadelphia trunk maker
was wiser. He had ten sons, and all
are now brakemen on railroad passen-
ger trains. That trunkmaker is get
ting rich.
Emily Oittle sister,: what large
family the spinsters must be! hear in
church every Sunday that some of them
are going to be married" Frances
(elder sister,: 30, you little stupid!
Don't you know what spinsters areP
Bachelor ladies, of course"
A physician, on presenting his bill to
the executor of the will of the deceased
patient, asked, 'Do you wish to have
my bill swornp" NO" replied the exc
cutor; 1.-THE death of the deceased is
sufficient evidence that you attended
him professionally"
A Brooklyn boy wrote a composition
on the subject of the Quakers, whom he
described as sect who never quarrel
led, never got into fight, never clawed
each other and never jawed back. The
production contained postscript in
these words: "Pa's q Quaker, but ma
isn't"
A gentleman whose residence is on
high and in Roxbury refused to be i'm
pressed by one of the grandest views in
the White Mountains. ut is very fine,
no doubt" he said, ''but it doesn't
equal the view from my front window.
Show me, if you can. a motel in all the
mountain region that commands an IN
interrupted view of three breweries?'
Bill Shute was member of the 2Sth.
While the old boys crowded around the
old flag at recent reunion, Bill, with
an irrepressible humor, called out,
"Boys, I am no speaker, but there's
blamed sight more of you here than I
ever saw in fightr' This brought
down the house.
''Now, boys, recite your verses; then
you can coast" '.Pd rather be door
keeper in the house of the Lord than
dwell in the tents of the wicked" re-
peated the older lad. 'So'd l." ejacu-
lated the junior youth; and away he
few after his sled before the father had
time to demonstrate.
swell, remarked young M. D., just
from college, II suppose the next thing
will be to hunt a good location, and
then wait for something to do, like Pa
thence on monument EYES," said
bystander; land it won't be long af-
ter you do begin before the monuments
will be on the patients
A woman in France slept seventy
three days in one inning, and when she
awoke and learned that her husband
had been taking his meals at restaur-
ant during all this time, instead of get
ting out of bed at daylight and going to
market, she was so mad that she de-
clared She wouldn't go to sleep again
as long as she lived.
A stranger called at a house in Bur-
lington, Iowa. and borrowed q Ratchet.
Then he went out to the front gate
and, using one of the posts for chop
ping block, deliberately chopped off one
of his fingers. He departed leaving the
finger on the gate post, the Ratchet on
the ground, and the entire population
lost in wonder and surprise.
THE traveller who asked to be ticketed
to the internal regions and was set off
at Oshkosh couId NOT have haep for