Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-01-04
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.


a trying one.
A MILL RIVER man is trading off sew
ing machines for chickens, the latter be-
ing easier to feed.
Our west the agents take care of the
Indians, and the Indians reciprocally
take hair of the agents.
You can tell an old soldier In civilian
garb by the way he handles an umbrella,
and tackles cast iron cracker.
AT last we have fathomed the depth of
the mystery. The Kelley motor is run
ST KNOW where the dark goes when
morning comes" said little Clara. cit
goes down cellar. It's dark there all
day."
[ SEE that Miss Hazeltine is married.
One by one the roses fall I am still on
the bush, however.-Susan b. An-
thong.
"WHY don't you dress as good as
your clerks ?" was asked the other day
of q Wall Street man. 81 can't, was
the reply; A." they can get trusted.
"WHAr is love?" asks everybody, and
somebody replies: '' It is a feeling that
you Wdub d1OtutI lo1IOW
around her."
The Chicago Tribune says that "if we
can get along with k in our neck, we
out to be able to leave it out of our
knee" But let us see that we do
not put it in our knose.
A MAN with small salary and large
family says if pride goes before fall he
would like to see pride start on little
ahead of the price of coal and provisions.
Boston Commercial advertiser.
| THE fish drinks by the gill; the little
pig gradually gets accustomed to hogs
head; the man who smokes a little puts
away pipe; the goat tries to get butt.
Vat and Wisdom.
CAN you Judge of mans character by
his eyes? Sometimes. 1t he has black
eye you can infer that he is conceited
rooster and thinks he knows more about
fighting than he does.
"OH, yes," said the broker; "oh, yes,
he's sharp; he's very sharp. But then
he's like most sharp men, he never cuts
anything unless it's softer than himself.
darlington HaaUkeye.
1T is sententiously remarked that ga
man may as well have the game as the
name" 1t does seem So, come to look
at it: and that is why we pity Pharaoh,
who had the name but not the game.
"EIGHT parts in ten of the blood con-
sists of pure water, do you remark that,
Mrs. Toohorida?" ''I do, sir, and if it's
your own blood you are talking about,
Mr.. Tooforida, take my word for it the
other two parts consist of whisky
THE new rules for playing base ball
do not forbid the audience from doub-
ling itself up and fairly screaming with
laughter when the ball hits the umpire
directly below the fourth vest-button.
Detroit Free Press.
"DoN'T you think" asked Brown,
that Pingrey is laboring under an hal
lucination?' "No, I don't" replied
Fogg; ''he has an hallucination, but [
don't think he is laboring under it.
never knew him to labor under any
thing. - Boston Transcript.
Two little girls, aged and 6, had just
had new dresses, and were on their way
to Sunday school. Said Eta, the elder:
"oh, ! have forgotten my verse" I
haven't forgotten NINE" replied the
other; sit is, blessed are the dress
makers. '-BOston Transcript.
GENTLEMEN of the jury" said
laundering counsel in a suit about lot
of hogs, "there were just tbirty-six in
the drove. Please remember the fact
thirty-six hogs; just three times as many
as is in that jury box, gentlemen. That
counsel didn't gain his case.
WHO did the churning last week ?"
asked Farmer Fouroclock. 81 did,
said Bill. "Then you can do it again
this week, said the Ole man; "one good
churn deserves another" Covert ex-
preston of Joy by all Bills brothers and
sisters.
ARABELLA Ton her toes in chair,
clutching convulsively at her skirt)-
ooh, Bridget! A mouse! A mouse
Come and catch it, quick!' Bridget
"Shure, mum, there's no hurry. If this
one gets away can get plenty more for
ye, mum"
A STORY is told of Gen. Buffers sar-
castle retors upon Massachusetts Judge,
whom he was teasing for ruling favor
able to a cause he was defending IN court.
The Judge got out OF patience at last,
and testify 06Cld1uOO. 1AAs OooAOAs
| what do you think I sit here for?'' The
general quietly shrugged his shoulder
and replied: "The court has got me
now."-QuiZ.
A wAToHMAKER Is sitting in his shop
surrounded by clocks and watches, all
going, and no two alike. He perceives
that it is getting late in the afternoon,
and anxiety PUSHES upon him. He goes
out of the shop and stops the first
passer-by. Sir, what o'clock is it"
The Pittsburgh Telegraph has seen
the atmosphere of that city so thick Chat
you could reach out and grab handful
of it and carry it to lamp and see
just how it was woven together, and
just where all the holes bad been put
tied up.
''IsH this'er postofice ?" inquired
Caulidower, slightly disfgered after