The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-07-22
NO. Is



ALTERATION is the thief ofcommon
sense.
Whiskey and the bright scholar
are somewhat alike. Both go to the
head.
The New York World thinks that
in Pennsylvania the darkest hour is
before Don.
1t is a Boston paper, ofcourse, that
speaks Of certain woman us evil
IDENTIFY an impostrix.
Judges" said lawyer, always
have a great advantage over us poor
fellows, for they guess last"
Sawmills were first used in Ell.
rope in the fifteenth century. Before
that man who swore he lost his
leg in the army was generally be-
| lieved.
A Michigan man says he will ex-
anime the Ingcrsoll theory before
casting it aside. His wife has
eloped aud returned to him three
| times.
Mr.. Kcely says it may take year
to impart the entire secret Of his
alleged motor. Men always make
most talk when they have nothing
to tell.
woman says Mrs. Eastman, "is
problem" So she is; and though
problem we can never hope to solve,
1t Is one we shall never, never he will
ling to give up.
"Now Sammy, have you read the
story Of Joseph?' ooh, yes. uncle
"Well then, what wrong did they do
when they sold their brother?' '.They
sold him too cheap.
Boston complains Of the "carthy
taste" in the ice water. suppose
Boston people must have heavenly
flavor added to watelvbefore they will
drinkit cohtentedly.
A Brooklyn detective says that at
least three out of every five women in
that city consult fortune-telers three
or four times year. The other two
fifths go it blind.
At the Iowa Agricultural College,
girls are taught to make good bread,
roast and broil meats and to make a
cup OF coffee. Iowa girls expect to
marry early this year.
"In gratitude for his kindness and
urbanity," an inmate Of an English
workhouse, aged rs, recently be-
queathed his body to the attending
physician. The bequest was not ac-
ccpted.
An aesthetic Philadelphia young
woman, who is in deep mourning,
complains of the brilliant hue of the
postage stamps which she is obliged
to put upon her heavily bordered en-
velops.
Oliver II. Lewis, cattle thief. has
been sentenced at Santa Rosa, Cal,
to thirty years imprisonment He
was convicted of stealing COW, sell
ling her, and stealing her again from
the purchaser.
The first thing most Of the inn
migrants do no arriving at Castle
Garden is to buy a pie. The rep
utation Of Americas national dish
has reached across the Atlantic.
Before going away on his summer
vacation, the wise young man will
leave enough money with his laun-
dress and landlady to settle up for
the three months he will be without
cash on his return.
Bad boys: Boys are so very care
less and impulsive where their pleas
ures are concerned: Two Brooklyn
Juveniles were severely punished last
week for stoning their mothers new
bonnet, under the impression that it
was a wasp's nest.
The numerous suits for breach Of
promise recently instituted against
old men by young women is hav-
ing its effect. Miss said an old
man in crowded street car yes
terday, Miss, III get up and give
you my seat if you'll swear be-
fore all these witnesses that you
don't consider it an offer Of mar
rage"
Two stock brokers' were watching
lady VINO was sitting in the gall
lery and wondering who she was,
when they noticed another broker
walk up and speak to her. Now
! know who she is" said one of the
brokers, "she's Jacks wife" "How
do YOU know" "Because he neither
took off his hat nor shook hands
when he spoke to her. That set
tied it.
Two ladies exchanging notes on
the method on which they spend
the day. "You see, / always get
up at 10 and ring the bell for my
maid and get dressed" "How long
does that takeg' "Ca, ever SO
long. You see, the girl takes full
hour to do my hair" "A full hour?
Mercy! What do you do while
she is fixing it2' "Go ont in
the garden and take my morning
walk"
A pig recently born near Browns
Mills, N. j., without hind legs has
become extraordinarily expert in the
use of it's fore legs. When in no
particular hurry it draws itsalf
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