The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-06-21


What is the style of spring lie thii
season?n asked a one-eyed man, al
he dropped down by the exchange
editors side. Have they retrimmet
the interconvertible snake, tha
breaks up into precincts and comes
together at the call of the presiding
link ?"
/ Haven't seen anything of it, re
piled the exchange editor, plungin:
his shears into the account of q tor
nado that shifted a State line hun
dred feet and landed a river into 8
cottonwood grove without disturbing
ripple.
I'm glad of that" said the one
eyed man, rubbing his hands slowly
Il never liked that lie. 1t always
seemed far fetched and unwholesome
besides, you couldn't help thinking
that a frog might swallow quorum
of the snake and not leave enough to
transact business. Do you see any.
thing of that lie about
THE DRAGON OUT IN ILLINOIS,
with wings like corn-patch, and a
smell of birthstone? Is the dragon
current this season ?"
Haven't struck him yet, answered
the editor, eliminating the profanity
from a far western sccount of mine
explosion, in which forty men were
blown through the side Of a mountain
seven miles thick. If he's around
he's flying very low"
THAT pleases me, too" smiled the
one-eyed men, stroking his chin.
THE only objection / ever had to
that drggon was the smell. 1t never
sounded reasonable. If they had
SAID he smelled of birthstone and
molasses it might have worked in a
girls boarding house as fair spring
lie, but they couldn't fix it to do for
men unless they perfumed him with
blue pills, 1t was great mistake.
Have you struck any fresh particu-
lars about the sea-serpent since the
thaw ?'
Too early for him returned the
editor, writing new headline on an
account of n baby who fell out of a
window sixty-feet, and bounded back
without split, bruise or chip-off.
Hell be around about the 14th of
July"
The l4th Of July, murmured the
one-eyed man. II reckon you're
right. Yes, you're right with a
head like a barrel and
EYES LIKE COFFEE GUS;
estimated by Mr.. William Jennings,
Of Tombago township, to be at least
two-thirds of mile long Yes, that's
bis date, July II. | like to read
about him There's always some
thing breezy and fresh about that
serpent, though he must be getting
on in years now.-What's become of
the two old people that were born at
the same moment, and died within
ten minutes of each other, at the ad-
vanced age of 104? Amt they dying
this saaanD -"
Not that I've heard of, !" rejoined
the exchange editor, pruning down
long article on boy who was cut in
half lengthwise by a steam grind
stone, and whose recovery was conf
IDENTIFY anticipated by the eminent
local physicians.
Il hope they haven't quit the bus
mess ?" observed the one-eyed man
with anxiety. I've kind of warmed
up to those two old chumps. There
was something unanimous about 'em
that caught me. and | count on get
ting around to 'em regularly if I'm
going TO keep nv health. Maybe
tbs backward season has been
against EN-. What's the news about
the skeleton found in the tree with
bag ofmoney tied to his spine? Lets
see he's spring product, isn't he?"
No, fall, " replied the editor glanc.
ing over report of q man who had
Just been
RELIEVED OF A LIVE LIZARD
that had fed on his kidneys for forty
years. He'll come around about
the Sd of October"
eJust so, just so. ! was misled on
him. He's an old friend of mine,
seems like one of the family, and if
they should go over his season with
out finding him appears as though |
should commence to pine. Is there
anything new this spring, any servant
girls making Greek poetry in their
sleep, any live frogs found concealed
in Philadelphia brick and spring
ing eight feet in the air after an i'm
prisonment of eighteen thousand
years? Anything of that sort ?"
Nothing" sighed the exchange
editor, putting sub-heads into an ac-
count of a whale climbing to the top
of Absecom lighthouse to borrow a
match.-"Nothing fresh, except this
one about the payment of Church
mortgage out in Wisconsin, but that
won't be popular among the Chris
tians."
Il suppose not, suppose not"
murmured the one-eyed man.
We'll, I'm much obliged. SO long
1t warns me up TO see the old ones
come around.-A man of my age
would miss 'em if they let up, and |
began TO be a little ticklish about the
skeleton until you explained the
dates"
And as he went out the exchange
editor turned over an article on an
old woman of so who was cutting
her eighth set of false teeth and four
head of hair.