The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1882-05-28
Fun. Eact. and Fiction.

In view Of the demand for leWellcd gar
tiers. it is thought highly probable that
bathng-suits will he in demand for evening
wear. Rome Sentinel.
Please, copy-the howl OF the autocrat Of
the composing-room.- Puck.
The girls Of to-day are giving mp piano
pounding and are learning tn strrm banlos
and to play the violin-drawin the - beau,
You knOw.-BOSton star.
Cadet Whitaker has turned up in Chi
cago. looking for employment. 80 large a
grain centre ought to be quite an authority
on cars.-Puck.
London has to feed 10000 paupers every
dav; but that doesn't keep her from brag-
ging about her increased population.
Owego's new jail will cost about $4,000;
but this does not include the cost Oi the sill
yer bath-tubs, the fresco of the banquetting-
hall, and the dadOs OF the billard-room and
green-house.- Puck.
\ st. Louis dog is published As being Il
property-hOlder. The name Of the gentle
man who owns the rest Of the breeches Is
not given. CO,Tier-Journai.
"You are a. full Of airs as n music-boX,"
is what Young man said to girl who re-
fused 10 let him see her home. THAT may
be-" was the reply, "but | don't 90 with a
crank. - VAR.
The British royal family did not attend
the funeral OF the great Darwin. They be-
lieye in the theory that royal folks are spe-
cial,y created, and are not eyoluted from
apes. horses, and asseS.-Puck.
You may have seen this before: "A
Michigan man told his daughter that ii she
learned TO work he would surprise her.
She learned the art. and he surprised her
by discharging the hired girl
Eyes" said the country member, d" |
went To the variety show because felt sure
there'd he nobody there who knew me !.
burned il pretty much the whole Legisa-
ture wasn't there - Boston Post.
81 don't care SO much about the loss OF
my thumb, a. a thumb" said the grocer
whose horse had amputated the member
Z" but rs a source OF profit shall miss it.
I've measured that thumb in the shape Of
beans. meal, and mOlaSscs nigh onto thou
sand times. Well. my wife can't AFFORD a
new parlor carpet this spring. '-Aec
Karen heJiStef.
And now the soft, sweet, balmy days
come floating along, showering roses in the
fields and making the birds sing on the
budding bOughs OF the orchards. The
brooks are beginning 10 purl, and the
stage driver is laying aside his army over
coat and getting his straw hat in condition.
The farmer is raising lettuce, and the hotel
man is raising his rates. The wOOdman is
cutting down the maple, and the old lady
i cutting down the paternal oyercoat to
make the boys trousers. and the yellow dog
il cutting down the street with kettle.
But never mind, it is not Necessary To 20
into details. Summer is coming, and that
is all we started ont to say.-Puck.
A citizen had had occasion TO consult a
LAWYER regarding "A suit which he c0ntem-
plated institutng, but OF the definite ont
come OF which he was in doubt. He did
not wish to pay retaining Zee, because he
was uncertain Of winning. The attorney
said he would accept contingent fee.
The party met Mr.. Burleigh some time
afterward and asked him the definition Of
4 contingent fee.
a contingent Fee" loosely said Mr..
Burleigh, sis this: II a lawyer loses the
ease he gets nothing; If he wins, you get
nothing"
But" said the perpleyed party, scratch
ing his head, II can't say that | exactly
comprehend you"
II thought was quite clear" said Mr..
Burleigh, who repeated what he had said.
"But il seems that don't get anything
in either event." said the man. when his
intellect had fully grasped the situation.
"Well, that is about the size OF cOntin-
gent fee" replied Mr.. Burleigh, termina-
ting the conversation free Press.
1t was not in McFadden's drugstore that
young and sprightly school-teacher last
week addressed the clerk:
- would like a sponge-bath."
"Ah. oh, a-will you please repeat;
did not quite understand your" stammer-
ed the clerk.
~ would like 4 good sponge-bath,'
again demanded the customer, while pair
OF sharp gray eyes, beaming with wonder
and Impotence, made him tremble.
More dead than alive, he managed to tell
his fair visitor his inability to eaten her
meaning.
"Well, never! II this isn't queer!
think-I think speak intelligibly enough.