Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1882-05-19
Trouble in Port.


room and clasped his wife in his arms,
"home again. old girl" and he kissed
the baby and slammed his hat against
the wall. while his wife jigged around
him, with smiles on her lips, tears in
her eyes, and her nose all wrinkles.
ibid you have good boat ride7"
she asked at length, Strengthening out
her lace and rubbing his whiskers.
"Don't know exactly what you mean
by a 'boaerlde,' retorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, staring at his wife. "P'raps you
imagine straddled that boat and stuck
spurs into it. The boat was on goes
by sails, and not legs. 1 had a good
sail, if that's what you mean. See, I
havn't got over the roll and pitch yet," :"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke lurched across
the room, with his limbs very wide
apart, bringing up before his wife with
a jerk, and giving his pantaloons a
hitch.
cts done you ever so much good"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, ''but are you
always going to walk like that?"
"What if l do," de anded Mr..
Spoopendyke' Strengthening up on his
sea legs. Don't you like that walk7
Anything in that walk obnoxlons to
your sense of propriety7 Does that
walk in any way crate on your finer
feelings? Some day when Pm not busy
III fit you up with a big mustache and
and a scent of onions and advertise you
as dancing school. Then you can
show me how to get around cheap.
"Did you have pleasant trip, dear-?"
began Mrs Spoopendyke.
"Cruise! not trip! cruise! You take
cruises on boats not trips Doyou know
what cruise is!''
"Isn't it something to hold oil in!"
inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke. timidly.
"The bible tells about the widow"
"Thats it, exactly" returned Mr..
Spoopendyke, with preternatural solem-
nifty, I went to sea in an oil can. l
didn't know it until l got home and con-
suited your profundity. You hit it first
clip. If you only had chimney on
crooked and sputtered little, what a
student lamp you'd make! l tell ye l
made a cruise in a boat, dod gast itn'
roared Mr.. SDoopendyke slipping off the
handle as he realized the outrage to his
feelings by his wife's Ignorance. "And
there wasn't any oil or any measly wild
ows in it! l sailed, l didn and Mr.
Spoopendyke lurched around the room
and brought all up standing.
II should thought you'd have been
afraid" murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke
gazing upon him admirlngly,"I wouldn't
60 out IN one of those boats for the
worlds
"Of course you wouldn't" grinned
Mr.. Spoopendyke, somewhat Modified
by the tribute to his courage. Much
you'd know about taking in sheets and
lighting the pinnacle and overhauling
the boom tackle.''
Upon my word" exclaimed Mrs
Spoopendyke. her face radiant with de-
light. "Did you do all that! l don't
know about the barnacle or the broom
tackle, but I'm glad you learned how to
take in sheets, because you used to
kick them off so, you know, and
baby"
"Yah" snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Sheets are ropes, Itellye! l s'pose ye
think we hauled in feather beds and
white spreads and shams! Well, we
didn't. You'd hear the captain sing
out, lizard lee! haul away jib
sheet" and then I'd catch hold and
pull
II should though you'd been scared
to death'' said Mrs. Spoonpendyke,
her eyes glistening with love and re
verence for her husband. sis that the
name they gave you 2 l belive I'll call
you Hardilee hereafter. It's realpret-
"You just call me that once" howl
ed Mr.. Spoonpendyke, temporarily for
getting his sea legs and stalking up to
his wife at his natural gait. "You draw
that on me the first time and-and-
and shlver my stove piper' continued
Mr.. Spoopendlke, suddenly reaollect-
ing that Re was nautical, If don't make
you throw over a fender or lose your
standing rigging! understand meg"
and Mr.. Spoopsndyke regarding his
wife intently to note the effect of his
threat.
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke. "You mean that you don't want
me to call you by that horrid name.
or else-or if l do, you'll make me get
up in the morning and build fire.
Is't that it, about the fender?"
"That's just it" grinned Mr.
Spoopendyke. "You make it on the
first tack. All you need now is a CEN
ter-board and bar room to be a
Cunard steamer! If l ever want a !
sniff of salt air, all I've got to do is
talk ship to you. Now l tell you what
to do. You put your helm up and
stand away to the kitchen, dye hear ?
And just as soon as you've taken in
canvass and put the stops on, you start
fire in the gallery and get me up a |
dinner OF lobscouse and duff! I'll scull
on clean shirt and stay sail around
my neck. Where's my stu'ns'ls?
Didn't you leave 'em on board 2"
fluttered Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Where are they?" roared Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Get me Il pair ofI