The Sentinel. [volume] (Trenton, N.J.) 1880-1882, 1882-03-11
Wit and Humor.

"John,n said his teacher, ~ am
very sorry to have to punish YOU"
Don't then" said Johnny, cause il
always makes me feel bad, too. Then
we'd both be sorry you did it."
A little girl did not obey when first
called, and, for that reason, her
mother spoke rather sharply the sec
ond time. Then she came in aud said
Mamma, I've been very kind to you
to-day. and / don't want you to speak
so large to me-"
A railroad conductor was recently
chosen deacon of church when it
became his duty to take upa collection,
he surprised the congregation by
starting oft with a characteristic
ejaculation, "Tickets !" The contribu-
ton that day was large.
"See therevn exclaimed a returned
Irish soldier to a gaping crowd, as he
exhibited with some pride his tall hat
with bullet hole in it. "Look at
that hole, will you? You see if it had
been low-crowned hat should have
been killed outright"
A noted flirt of Akron, O., is said to
have all her love-letters in volume
for her rarlor- table. 1t Is Him-book
in both long and short meet-her. Ii
this volume were to be produced to
Prove that she is a heartless creature
she would have to prove jilty.
The editor of Texas exchange says
ne does not like turkey; that if he
can't have possum to celebrate with,
he don't want any at all but his
neighbors still continue to lock up
their turkeys after dark. Some peo-
pie don't believe everything they see
in newspapers. The editor can't play
"possum" on them thai way.
Laying out another railroad ?''
Surveying for one" was the reply.
Coin threw my barn ?'i Don't see
how we can avoid it," wall, now,
mister, I calkerlate I've got sumthin'
tew say bout that. 1 want you tew
understan' that I've got sumthin' else
tew dew besides runnin' out to open
aud shet them doors every time train
wants tew go threw"
An Irishman lately landed was
hunting for two of his brothers, whom
he had not heard from since they left
the old country. One day he stood in
front of large boiler on which was
painted, Patented, 1870" On this
he exclaimed AN sure I've found
thin at last, Pat an Ted, 1870 =
That's the very year they came out,
they re both biler makers !"
~ have heard, /" said Gus de Smith
to Nose SchHmburg, that the fellow
who stole your money and ran off with
it has been killed In Colorado. He has
certainly gone to hadss. You ought to
be glad" 81 would pc much more
glad ven I got my money pack re-
sponded Moses sit don't do me no
good ven dot tam rascal goes to dot
blaze, ven I have to pay his travelling
expenses outen my own pocket"
One afternoon stranger, observing
a stream of people entering church,
man of gloomy aspect,
who was standing near the entrance,
and asked: us this funeral?" Flu
neral Mol" was the sepulehral an
swer, "It's wedding" Excuse
me-" added the stranger; "but [
thought, from your serious looks, that
you might be a hired mourner."
No" returned the man, with
weary, far-of look in his eyes. ''Im
a son. in law of the brides mother"
Ina railroad car the seats were all
full except one, which was occupied
by pleasant-looking Irishman, and
at one of the stations a couple of evil
IDENTIFY well-brsd and intelligent
young ladies came in to procure seats
Seeing none vacant, they were about
to go into the next car, when Patrick
arose hastily and offered them his
seat, with evident pleasure. 'But you
will have no seat for yourself" re-
spon ed one of the young ladies', with
q smile, hesitating, with true polite
ness, to accept it. "Niver mind that !"
said the gallant Hiberian. "I'de ride
upon a cow catcher to New York any
time for smile from such jintlemanly
ladies'"
Twas Ever Thus.