The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-11-23
SpOOpentyke Swears OF.

My DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
rumpling his hair over his head and
gazing at himself in the glass; my dear.
do you know think smoke too much?
1t doesn't agree with me at.all."
Just what 1 have always thought
chimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. land beside,
it makes the room smell so. You know
this room"
I'm not talking about the ROOM" re-
torted Mr.. Spoopendyke, with a snort.
I'm not aware that it affects the health
OF the room. I'm talking about my
health this trip, and think I'll break off
short. You don't catch me smoking any
more" and Mr. Spoopendyke yawned
and stretched himself and pumped
down in an easy chair and glared out of
the window at the rain.
How are you going to break Off" in
CURED Mrs. Spoopendyke, drawing up
her sewing chair, and gazing up into
her husbands face admiringly. II sup
pose the best way is not to think of it at
ALL"
''The best way is for you to sit there
and cackle about itr' growled Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. IF anything will distract my
attention from it that will. Can't We
think of something else to talk about?
Don't We know some subjects that don't
smell like q tobacco plantation?"
Certainly" cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
rather nonplussed. 'We might talk
about the rain. suppose this is really
the equinox. How long will it last,
dear?"
bod CAST the equinox sputtered Mr..
Spoopendyke. Don't you know that
when a man quits smoking it depresses
him? What dye want to talk about de-
pressing things for? Now's the time to
make me cheerful. If ye don't know any
cheerful things, keep quiet"
"Of course" assented Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, "you want subjects that will
draw your mind away from the habit of
smoking like you used to. Won't it be
nice when the long winter evenings come
and the fire is lighted and you have your
slippers and paper"
"That's just the time want cigarp
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke bounding
around in his chair and scowling at his
wife. "Aint ye got sense enough to
shingle your tongue for minute? The
way you're keeping it up, you'll drive
me back to my habit in less'n an hour,
he continued solemnly, land then my
blood be on your head"
"Oh, DEAR" sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
81 didn't mean to. Did you notice about
the comet? They say it's going to drop
into the sun and burn up
There ye go again!" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "You can't open your
measly mouth without suggesting some
thing that breaks me down! What dye
want to talk about fire for? Who wants
fire when he's stopped smoking? Two
minutes more and have a pipe in nv
mouth and Mr.. Spoopendyke grosned
dismally in contemplation of the pros
poets.
"Tm glad you're going to stay home
to-day" continued Mrs. Spoopendyke,
soothingly. You'd be sure to catch
cold if you went out; and by and by we'll
have a piping hot dinner
That's itr' squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. bouncing out of his chair, and
plunging around the room. You'd got
to say something about pipe knew
how it would be! You want me to diel
You want me to smoke myself into an
early grave! You'll fetch it! Don't
give yourself any uneasiness! You're
on the track" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
buried his face in his handss and shook
convulsively.
~ meant it for the best, DEAR" muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke. II thoguht I
was drawing"
That's i'll" ripped Mr.. Spookendyke.
Drawing! You've driven me to it in
stead of keeping me from 1t. You know
how it's done! All you need now is .
lightning rod and dish of milk toast to
be an inebriates' homel Where's that
cigar left here on the mantel? Gimme
my death warrant! Show me my i'm
ported doom! Drag forth my miniature
coffin" and Mr.. Spoopendyke swept the
contents of the shelf upon the floor and
howled disma'ly.
Isn't that it?" asked Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke pointing to small pile OF snuff on
the chair in which Mr.. Spoopendyke
had been sitting. THAT looks like 1t. ;"
"Wahr' yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
grasping his hat and making for the
door. "Another time / swear of. you
go into the country. you heair and Mr..
Spoopendyke dashed out of the hous,
and steered for the nearest tobacco
shop.
II don't care" muttered Mrs. Spoop-
endyke; "when he swears of again, I'm
willing to leave, and in the meantime I
suppose he'll be healthier without his
pipe, so I'll hang it mp on the wall where
he'll never think of looking for it, and
having consigned the tobacco to the
flames. Mrs. Spoopendyke gathered
her sewing materials around her and