St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-11
SqIIibS.
pendent.

whats the man yelling at ?'' asked
Il farmer of his boy. "Why," "chuckled
the youngster, ''he's yelling at the top
of his voice"
Over eighteen hundred people get
their living in Paris by making orna-
ments and clothing for pet dogs. Ev-
cry family that really wants to help
the poor should keep a pet dog.
John bingham of Chaumont, n. Y,
is lO4 years old and has always voted
the democratic ticket. This is the
most remarkable example of endurance
yet given to the press Lowell Citi-
zen.
An exchange asks: "Do fish per
spire ?" We refer it to an old para
graph: "When the suns perpendicular
rays illumine the depth of the sea, the
fishes, beginning to sweat, cry, era
cious, how hot it must ber"
The value of advertising was never
better illustrated than at Alpena, Mich
igan, a few days ago. A farmer desir-
ing additional harvest hands, went to
town, and inserted an advertisement
for two boys. When he returned home
that night he found that his wife had
presented him with twins, both of the
male sex. There's nothing like adyer-
tising.
Seated one balmy afternoon on the
veranda of Mrs. Howe's residence, in
Newport, Oscar Wilde was heard to re-
mark to ii lady who was present:
''Strange that Il pair of silk stockings
should so upset a nation :" whcrcupon
ii well known gentleman, sitting lit
tie remote from the poet, intcrpOscd:
"lt's the calf that's i'll the stOckings."-
Troy Times.
Just down the intervalc, where the
brake ferns grow rank, she placed her
easel and sat down by it, sketching
from nature. please, ma'am, is that
me you're drawing milking that COW in
the picture ?" "Why, yes, my little
man, but | didn't know you were look
ing" "Coz if it's me-" continued the
boy, unmindlul of the artists c0nfu-
sion, "you've put me on the wrong
side of the COW, and I'll get kicked
way off the lot"
A spinster lady called at stock
brokers' office, and was mistaken by
the clerk for a customer who had re-
Gently suffered by decline of the mar
ket. "Madame," he said, H'm sorry
to say your margins falling on"
Goodness gracious" gasped the blush
ing maiden as she left the room in "a
hurry, and retiring to dark corner of
the hall, felt for her hustle with hands
trembling from nervous shock. Its
all right" she said, with great sigh
of relief 81 knew I'd hitched il up
extra careful. But what queer names
they have for things down here"
''An American" says the st. Louis
Republican, in an article on native po-
likeness, "may not he so ele CANT at
dinner party, but he will not ride half
IA day in a railway car without speak
ing to the fellow passenger at his ell
bow, as the EnglsIman will" No, in
deed he will not fore George he will
not. How often, oh, how often, we
have wished that he would But he
won't. He will pounce upon "a stran-
ger whom he has never seen before in
all his life, and talk him deaf, dumb
and blind in fifty miles. Catch an
American holding his mouth shut when
he has "A chance to talk to some man
who doesn't want to be talked to-
Burlington Hawkeye.
The Newer Arithmetic Jones sells
his farm for $1,000, and invests his
money in mining stock paying a divi-
dend of sixteen per cent. How long
will it take the company to absorb his
capital and leave him fiat as "a pancakeG
A citizen who thinks it would be nice
to have fresh eggs every day buys thir-
teen fowls at sixty cents each lumber
to the amount of Sl2; hires a man for
- to build park, and in three months
pays out 1920 for food. In the twelve
weeks he gets four dozen eggs, and
loses five hens by death and mysteri-
Gus disappearance. How much have
his eggs cost him per dozeng A drug
gist mixes two ounces of water and
three cents worth of powder together
and charges fifty-siX cents for the pre-
scription. Estimating the water at
eighty cents and his time ut twenty,
how much does he lose It's curious,
but druggists lose money just that
way Detroit Free Press.