davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

To set the house on fire, the following excel
lent rules may be observed:
LIST Rnb your furniture with linsccd oil. aud
preserve carefully the old greasy rags used for
this purpose in paper box III an out-of-the-way
place
ID II the fire in the stove does not burn well,
pour benzine or kerosene on it from well filled
gallon can.
3D. When yon light your cigar or the gas,
throw the burning matelI-no matter where,
and don't look after it, even if it gets into the
waste paper basket.
4th. Put burning candle on the shelf of a
closet, and forget all about it.
5th. Always read in bed until you fall asleep,
with burning candle near you.
9th Especially for builders: Put the ends OF
the wooden beams into the fue walls; and il you
build hot-air furnaces, he careful to much
wood as possible in their construction.
9TH. Always buy the cheapest kerosene you
can get.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05
Selett goetrp.
THE ROCKFORD OF BRApoRE.
Br JoHx q. WHITTIER

III SouA w. WHITTIER
drear and desolate shore,
Where no tire unfnlds its leaves
And never the Spring wind veayes
Grren grass for the hunters tread;
A land lernaken and dead
W here the ghsstiy iceberg. 80
e And ootne with the ebb and TOW
Of the waters Of B.Alorei
A wanderer. from . land
by Summer breezes famed
Looked around him. Awed sab.iues
BY the dreadful solitude
Hearing slOne the ery
Of sea binds changing by
The crash and grind Of the Zoe,
Wall Of wind and wash Of tide
%. wretched Land he cris-l
Land Of al lands the worst
Collaboration and enrsti
Thy gates Of rock should show
The words the Tuscan seer
Read in the Realm Of Voc:
E0ps estsrstA not ksTe!"
Loi al hi. feet there stood
block Of smooth lareh wood
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

THE wife of a hard drinker made the follow
ing proposal to her husband: LET me supply
you with your drink. l want to sell to you and
save the profit. l am compelled to 60 in rags
and have the poorest TO eat, while the saloon
keepers wife has the grandesf shawls and bon
nets, and silk dresses, with fine furniture, and
the best for the table. Let me sell to You, and
will have all this will get key of beer or Q
cask of whiskey, whatever you may prefer, and
sell to you at 50 mueh drink-the same price
you pay the saloon-keeper.n The experiment
was tried for awhile, when the husband himself
saw how much money he had been throwing
away and concluded not to make any further
purchase of any one. But his wife had already
gained a nice bonnet and dress, and other COM
forts of life.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

CuEPA SNOW PLow-A cheap and easy way
to make snow plow is to take two boards, from
twelve TO fifteen inches wide and four feet long,
nail the two ends together and spread the other
ends thirty inches apart, making them the shape
of V; contine them in their place with boards
nailed across the top, and by board across the
end four or five inches narrower than the sides,
if the path is not perfectly smooth, it will not
catch the stones; near the front end an iron bolt
should be placed across to hitch the horse 20; on
the top should be fastened box for the driver
to sit on, and the plow is complete. The labor
is so simple and the cost small that there is no
excuse for a farmer being without n plow.
Massachusetts, Pi0HgkmdR-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

STEAMED PrDDiSG.-Put two tablespoonful
Of sour cream into pint basin; then fill up with
rich buttermilk; add little salt, teaspoonfnl
of salarafus and flour to mix soff; roll out and
spread with the preserves left from yesterday 5
tes. Place in buttered tin and steam one hour
and half. Eat with q sauce of butter, sugar,
and boiling water, thiekened with corn-starch
and favored with nutmeg.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

To KEEP NAILS FROM RUsTrNG.-A scientific
Journal says:-When nails used in n position
in which they are greatly subjected to air and
moisture, it will always pay TO prepare them in
snch u manner that they will not rust. This
may be accomplished without any difficulty by
heating a quantity of nails on a shovel, and
throwing them, while hot, into q vessel contain
ing coarse oil or melted grease. The nails should
not he so hot that the grease will he made to
smoke freely. Cut nails prepared in this manner
dered tougher, and will outlast any kind of wood,
even though buried in the ground; while unpre-
pared nails are completely destroyed by rust in
a short time
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05
PEOPLE WITHOUT CHILDREN

Could heartlessne-s much farther 90,
Or meanness well he msanerf
Read the advertisement below.
From Monday mornings GledHsT:
"a stately residence To let,
With all Csnvrnicncrs replrt0,
For people without children"
Whner the cruel sentence wrUt-,
Ha. outraged ChTist's injunction,
(SufI..r them, and forbid them EotD
Douhtlsss with small oompunction-
Go tsll the wicked man. in -oOih,
How cold his worls-nay. how uncoutb-
For people without children
lie pats his dog, and pet. his cat
lie has for them carrSses;
But children must not crOss his mat;
The best Of pets he misses.
How blithe is life ere youth is gone.
And yet how de-olatt, how lone,
For people without children"
Half wa-tcSl were the many joys
Which Heaven upon Us showers
II 'twere not for our girls and boys,
Our sprics. anil buds and flowers.
Such thoughts. ween, may not come nigh
To those who have single eye
''for people without children"
Your next advertisement may date
From more contracted quarters
Four low, dank walls with narrow gate,
Which opcs on Lsths's waters
Ere then, improve the time in store;
Eelent. and op~n wide the dsor
To people who have children.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

The Austin (Nev.) RereiHe tells of man whO
had played too much pedro for the drinks and
who, TO sober off, followed the sound Of the
church bell to church. During the sermon, the
minister gave glowing description of heaven
and its delights, describing il as city paved
with gold, its ways covered with beautiful foil
age, and the air redolent with perfume of orange
blossoms; but in the midst of the description,
the congregation were startled by the ranchcr.
who, nudging his next neighbor, and winking
knowingly, whispered in n whisper that was
heard throughout the church 1--WE been there
that's California"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

pleasant drink for the sick: take dessert
spoonful Of arrowroot and add teaspoonfal Of
milk: wet and rub in smooth. To this add q
teaspoonfui of powdered sugar. Heat half pint
Of good rich milk and bring it just To n boil.
Then. when il bols, stir in carefully the arrow
root and sugar. Allow it to boil three minutes,
and give either warm or cold.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05
AFTER A WHILE.
"Aftcr a while. when l am a mar

AFTER whiie, when L am nan
Look ont on the green Of the grass, my boy.
On the beauty Of leaf and flower.
On the sunshine gliding the fields Of grain
All the outdoor wealth Of the hour;
Thru look for 4 moment at yonder slough,
With its water stagnant and vile:
o, stop and think, What will your life be like,
In the wonderful "Aftera- while!"
Useful or worthless' All which, my boy.
As the dear LorJt looks at You.
While he q life that fayors the good,
The beautiful and the true
Or will he nuthing but loathsomeness-
A life that Il gross and vile
q, stop and think, What will your life he like.
In the sonderful "Afera wbilei"
Just as You ehoose-ysu ehoo-e, my boy,
Choo-s now to do and tn dars,
For that which is good and beautiful
For that which IL pure and fair.
Trusting nothing but God, when fierce storms con
Nou can meet them with \ smile;
God help yen to be noble man,
In the wonderful Amer W hilei"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

"LooK here, Matilda" said Galveston lady
10 the colored cook, ''y0u sleep right close ia
the chicken house, and you must have heard
those thieves stealing the chickens"
ayes, ma'am, beerd the chickens holler, and
heerd de voices OBJ de men,"
"Why didn't you go ont thenfr
"'Case, ma'am bursting into tears), ease, |
knowd my old fadder was out dar, and would
not hab him know rs lost confidence in him foah
all de chickens in de world. IL had gone out
dar, and kOtched him, it would hab broke his
ole heart, and he would have made me tete de
chickens home foah him, besides He done tole
me de day before, dat he was gwine to pull dem
chickens dat night
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

DYsPEPsIA AND CONsCIENCE.-When Gen.
Bntler chairman of the judiciary commit
tee Of the House, and Judge Trumbull chairman
of the same eOmmitte in the Senate, the Tennes-
people, for certain reasons satisfactory To
themselves, were desirous Of having certain
United States Judge (now dead) legislated out
of Office. They went to Gen. Butler, and asked
him if he could secure the passage of such a bill
through the House. He replied that lac could,
but that il would he sure to he killed in the Sen
ate. Being asked why, he replied: Judge
Trnmbull Is chairman of the judiciary commit
tee in the Senate. He is troubled with dyspep-
STA and conscience. The first makes him mser-
able, and the last renders him uncertain what
to do, and uncertainty on the part of the chair
man Of the committee, will kill the bill dead"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

"BoYs," said village pedagogus the other
day, what is the meaning of all that noise in
the school ~
Its Bill Skies, sir, who is all the time imta-
ting locomotive
''Come up here, William; il you have turned
into locomotive, it is high time You were
switched off,
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

1.-THE President has developed the highest
qualities Of constitutional craftsmanship were
the words that little Miltiades Marrowfat read
from the paper he was holding, and then added,
"What does that mean, pop!- at means, my
boy explained Mr.. Marrowfat, ''that the edi-
tor is probably postmaster, and feels agreed
bly, disappointed that he hasn't been turned
out.r-BrooklyR Eagle.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

WEIGHT or GOLD AND SILVER COINS
The standard weight of n gold dollar 50 25.s
grains; Of gold eagle (sl0l 255 grains.
The following sums would weigh:
$1,000, pounds, II ounces.
$1,000, 30 pounds, IL ounces
00.00J, 36S pounds, ounces.
$1,000. 900, 1865 pounds 10 ounces.
The standard weight of a silver dollar is 4l2i
grains. The following sums would weigh:
$1,000. So pounds, Is ounces
$1,000, SO pounds, ounces-
slO0, 900, 5,sss2 pounds, IL onnees.
$1,000, 600, s, 925 pounds ounces.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

A DEADwOoD man saw another reach for hi,
hip pocket, thought the follow meant to draw d
revolver on him, and 50 shot him dead Then
he found that the man was about to draw n flask
to treat him, and he much regretted his hasty
act But he remarked that the last wishes OF
the deceased should be carried ont, and took q
drink from the flask. Such a touching exam.
pie of respect for the last wishes of the dead
says the Boston Post is seldom seen.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

A MAN was seen coming ont Of a Texas news
paper office with one eye souged out, and his
nose spread all over his face, like piece Of raw
beef, and one of his ears chawed off To po-
liceman who interviewed him, he replied: Il
didn't like an article that 'peared in the paper
last week. an went in ter see the man who
writ it, He war thar stranger"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

A GENTLEMAN employing porter named Rus
sell, asked him jQcosely:
"Pray, is yOur coat of arms the same as the
DIXIE of Bedfords (Lord John RusSelDr
"0ur arms" answered the fellow, ''are, sup
pose, pretty much alike; but there is con
founded difference in our coatsr
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05
WE'VE pAIEs, NEwR Wales.

The weary yesrs his nee nov having run,
The neue begins his compact oourse anew;
VITA shew Of morning myiae he hath begun,
Betokening peace and plenty to ensev.
30 10 M. which fhis change Of weather view.
Change exc minds and fosner lives amend
Ths old yeare's shines fsrepAst let NJ esehew,
Ard ~ the faulfs with which We did Offend;
Then shall the yezres joy forth freshly send,
Into the glooning world his giadsome ray.
AID Al these stsrnes. which now his beazfy blend,
sail turn ~ eauines and tynely elszzs away.
-Rrva 4Ssnr0
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

A lady correspondent of the Country Gentlema.
claims that by dipping the joint OF ieshy ends Of
turkey, geese or chicken wings into strong So
luton Of copperas they are made moth-proof, as
well as more durable than when treated in the
ordinary way.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

"BRIDGET,s said the mistress to her servant,
s'put little nutmeg in the eustard, this after
noon," and Bridget picked ont the smallest mt
meg she could find, and threw it in the custard.
where it was found entire at the evening meal.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

THE keeper of groggery happened one day
TO break of his tumbers. He stood fer
moment looking at the fragments, rejecting on
his loss, and then turning to. his assistant, he
cried out:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

''wEIL, Patrick" asked the doctor, show do
You do to-dnyf'
40, dear, doctor, enjoy very bad health. in
tirely. Whin 90 to slape. | lay awake all the
night, and my toe is swelled up as big as n
goose's hens egg, so whin shtand up, fall
down directlyr
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

Az advertisement in New York paper reads:
= sWanted-A compassion one who uses neither
tpbacco nor rum SO il would appear that
in some cities compesitors actually use these
vile things. 1t doesn't seem credible.-NoTTis-
foun Herald.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

THE commissioners in the excise office were Of
Tended at a Quaker, who replied yea and nay to
their questions, and asked him, ado you know
for what we sit herefr
"Yea," said Nathan; "some of you for $500,
and others for fl 900 YEAR,
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

THE young men converse "What are you GO
ing to give your girl, this Christmas, George /!
Don't yOu find it rather hard to select anything
appropriated ''oh, no; that don't trouble me-
shall give few things my last girl sent back
TO Ee.v-Lorel Citizen.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

ONE of our exchanges tells us of lazy genius
up his way, who being asked, as he lay summing
himself on the grass, what was the height of his
ambition, replied s'Tomarry rich widow that
has got cough
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

'WHAT's your businessw said the magistrate
OF police court, the other morning, to prise
ner.
"Tm an Observationist your Worship"
"An observationiSt! What is that 2"
Gone who looks around in the daytime to see
what he can steal at night, if ID pleascs Your
worship"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05
The AcnE-A STANDARD LAND MEASURE.

THE ACRE-A STANDARD LAND MEASURE.
The Acre is subdivided into
4 roods, each rood 10 perchrs.
l6O perches, l69 feet each.
4sl0 square yards, feet each.
1850 square feet, lIi inches each.
Ia, 240 squares of six inches each, u
inches each
6,22, GAO inches. or squares of one inch each
From this table the farmer can readily dis
cover how many plants can be set in an acre
according they are one yard, one foot, &c.
apart each way.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

TRAVELLING along the sea coast of Florida, a
gentleman, noting the barrenness of the eoun-
try. asked native, 'What do Won live on here''
"Live on replied the man; "why, we live on
fish and strangers
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

al SAY, Pete, does you know how they keep
oysters from smellin' in de hottest of wedder ?"
81 doesn't think does, Sam-how do dcy do
'emr
''Why, dey fust cut dar noses off, and den dey
can't smell muffin. Oh! yah! yah what an I'M
penumtratum nigga You isr
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

Il TAKE care of my lambs, SIR said noted
sheep man in England, when asked Row he got
so nice a flock.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

A PARTY of San Juan rancheIs made bonfire
of an Apache Indian, and the COroner's jury re
turned verdict of 'sOyercome by the heat. y
Salt Lake Tribune
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

A PROCESSION of men passed through Main
Street this morning, and were an hour and a
half passing given point. The given point
was a drinking saloon.-Roekidnd Courier.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

sfWHAT letter is that Henryi"
al don't know, sir"
"It's AIRY and recollect it,
f1Gosh.-if you know'd what twas, what did
you Ak me forr
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

SEE that your stock have plenty of salt twice
week, especially at this season.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-01-05

Things ere seldom what they seam. That is,
: sewing machine isn't pair of trowsers-
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-12-15

A New YORK Senate committee is
examining into the matter of the evils
of speculation. and has before it the
magnates Of the monetary world detail
ing to il what they know Of g corners"
and futures and it does not seem to lie
much. The witnesses seem to think
that the Legislature proposes large un
dertaking for itself when il essays to
correct the American spirit of srecu-
lation. No doubt it does, but il
the effort is wisely made it should
have good results. 1t is not one,
however, that any state can undertake
alone. There must bea like legislation
| all over the country, which can only he
well done by congressional action. Il
a proper tax was put upon every salt
which is not accompanied by IN actua
delivery of the property sold, probabl.
as much will be done as legislation ca!
accomplish to curb illegitimate specuia
tion. If it is made costly it may bt
made Improbable and so be squeezed
out of existence.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-12-15
PERSONALS.

OTIS LOCKE has been appointed post
master at Tfin, Ohio. He is brother of
"Nasby."
MADAME NILSSON dined with the Mar
buis of Lorne and Princess Louise, at San
Francisco, on Wednesday.
Mrs. LABoUcnERE lost fourteen hats in
New York just before shs sailed. They
were found yesterday in a cellar, where
they had been placed by the thief.
LOUISE SoTTHwIcK, of Marysville, Ohio,
a writer of "serials" for a New York
paper, took laudanum on Wednesday
evening, with suicidal intent, and is in a
critical condition.
Mrs. MATTHEWS, wife of the supreme
court Justice. in her new house opposite
the British legation, Washington, holds
thronged receptions, at which Miss Mary
Evarts, daughter of the ex-secretary Of
state, assists.
"JU," who figures in the New Mexican
dispatches as the latest terror of that
section, is Jaun Mata Ortiz. He is about
fifty years old and until rscently was a
man of wealth and political influence,
town of Galiano.
MISS AGNEss HERNDoN, the beautiful
and gifted young actress, who is next
week to appear here in the successful
melodrsma entitled "Only a Farmers
Daughter" is near relation to President
Arthur, being direct descendant of the
heroic Herndon of naval renown. During
the engagement of the actress in Wash
ington, she was the recipient of kind a.
tention from her distinguished kinkmar,
who called on her and with whom she
diued at the White House.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-12-15

THIS is a strange world, in which, for
instance, General Pope-whom nearly
everyone believes to have abundantly
demonstrated bis lack 0: capacity for
generalship. and who, moreover, unjustly
cured the dismissal from ;l,e ;;rmy Of
General Porter, who is ncw universally
considered not to have done the things
OF which he is accused, but 10 have ably
and pa:riot!cally discharged his duty as
commander of an army corps-.is pro.
NOTED to be major general in the army
OF the United States, while General Por
ter is unable to secure the return of the
| cOlOnel's commission which was taken
from him. Is justice done no more
Though the heavens fall Or where is
its avenger!
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-12-15

govern as to advance and protect those inter-
ests Mistakes and errors in judgment our
organization has often made in Its long career;
lible. Actuated by an honest purpose TO
govern with purity and economy from our
standpoint OF principle, why shall We not 60
such . thing as too much humility. We must
,ake , care that IN initiating the tumble
in apologizing tor the existence of nm organf.
zatiOn or in concealing our opinions or in
travelling in untried paths. Error. corrup-
tioE and extravagance have found their way
them, and We must join hands with all who
wish as we dO. Recognizing that duty let us
go to tts performance with the force and
energy that flows from conscious honesty"
"The Democratic Press " was responded 20
by MIR. Black The Democratic Party Of the
Country" by Mr.. Apsar The Democratic
"The Democratic Congress "by Mr.. Reilly
ana " Democratic nifty "by MIR. Randall.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-12-15
The LiIy's Young Admirer.

Gebha:dt returned again to Boston on
Thursday, obtained admission to the
theatre on a general admission ticket, IN
soma way eluded the vigilance Of the
back door keeper and got iuto the green
room. Apparently he did not receive
much encouragement from Mrs. Lapgtry,
however, as he was seen to peep out to See
if tho back doorkeeper was about, and
seeing that he was not he shot out as if
fred from cataupult, and was soon
around at tho front Of the house again.
John Stetson's rebuke Of the stage door,
keeper for admitting him before was So
emphatic that the latter vowed vengeance
Oh Gsbha,dt if he ever caught him there
AGAR, which the young man evidently
feared.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-12-15
Had Boys Locked UD.

For some time past gang Of bad boys
have greatly annoyed persons having bus
mess in the vicinity OF tho Pennsylvania
railroad station at Mount Joy. The nui-
sancc became so intOlerable that tho police,
the railroad officials and others de.
termiued to abate it. A descent was
made upon the gang and half dozen OF
t,em were arrested. They had hearing
befors Squire McFadden yesterday after
noon and they were by him committed to
the county prison for ten days each for dis
orderly conduct. One of them named Arm
strong. slipped his handouts and escaped,
but the others named-Helich, Bucb,
Babhman, NObbs and Koch-werc safely
landed in Jail. Their ages range from IA
to IS years. Other arrests are expected
to follow.