Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-09
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

A man is like carpet, when he is
kept down by tax.
Esculapius practiced medicine even
when an infant, which gave rise to the
song, "M. d. is the CRADLE"
The best description we have ever
heard of a slow man was that he was
too slow to get out of his own way.
The facetious postage-stamp clerk
who told man that asked for two twos
that this was not an aesthetic post
Office is now looking for new situa
tion.
A boy at Moline, H., had to be
whipped thirteen times before he would
consent to be vaccinRted; but patience
and a peach-tree limb at last won the
victory.
No longer doth the snipo
Pipe;
No longer doth the quail
Sail;
Bat now wo like them most
On toast.
Friend OF the family to the boy twins:
''Tm afraid you little fellows don't al
ways agree. You fight each other some
times, don't you ?" Twins: "Yeth, thir,
thumtimth." f. of the F.: "Ah, 1
thought so. Well, who whips2' Twins:
Mamma whips :"
One of the surest preventives OF sea
sickness is to take out your stomach
and viscera, and leave them ashore
until you return. This plan is attended
with some little inconveniences, but it's
q solid preventive. Cut this ont and
paste it in your hst. 1t mar save your
life mex. summer.
Brown, of Philadelphia, is a kind
hearted man. Every night he gives
each OF his children five cents for going
to bed early, 30 as not to disturb him
when reading the evening paper.
About midnight he creeps noiselessly
upstairs, takes the five cents from their
pockets, and gives them a whipping
for losing il.
when was young" says q young
man, mourntulIy, my venerable grand
father never used to tip me, his invari-
able excuse being: AT your age you
haven't any need of money; but later
on, come to me- Well, when / was
eighteen went to him and he coldly
buttoned up his breeches- pocket and
said AT your age you ought to be
making your own way in the world 7"
Twelve thousand shovels are manu-
factured in the United States every
week. And yet, remarks Burdette.
when a man wants his own individual
shovel after dark, he has to paw and
claw around over two tons Of soft coal,
feeling for it, making remarks in tho
meantime that are enough TO blister
any coal shovel that ever hid itself be-
tween the end of the shed and an empty
barrel.
a San Francisco paper says: IA very
hungry arrival ut the Palace rushed into
the dining-room the other day and fell
upon the eatables with great determine
ton. L declared said one Of those
hotel funny dogs, who sat at the same
table. My dear sir, you remind me Of
the Frodigal Son. 'Ex4ctly,' said the
hungry man, as he speared another cut
let. I'm forced to eat with the hogs.
And the lardy-dah was carried out on
chip"
Question in French journal: "Whsn
lady receives q visit from gentle
man, ought she to rise or remain seated
when the visitor enters and when he
takes his leavs?" II the lady lives in
Washington, says an American paper,
she will rise without regard 10 Parisian
etiquette and accompany him IS far Is
the hall, to see that he doesn't carry of
ten-dollar iyory-handled umbrellas in
place Of the dollar.and-a half cotton
one usually carried by visiting states
men.
"Do you believe in Bronson Alcott's
theory of aesthetic eatingT asked q
Boston lady of her Chicago admirer.
"I don't know what Bronson Alcott's
theory OF aesthetic eating L." he an
swered, 'but when I'm hungry, brace Of
mutton chops. some porterhouse steak,
dozen or two buckwheat cakes, four
soft-boiled eggs and q plate OF hash
make meal that Is aesthetic enough
for me-" Yes, yes, but you don't
understand me-" impatiently added
his fair interrogater "Mr fAicotes
theory has reference 70 persons, not
to pigs"
The street Ietter-boxae In Gan Anlo-