The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-12-02

Two servants Of Coquette are dis
cussing the visitors of the house. at
seems to me- says the first, that now.
adays we never see Monsieur Mon.
sieur-what is his name? The straw
colored beard" "Ahl yes. The De.
lnge1' "Why do you call him the De-
lugep" Because he reigned forty
days"
A new pension law is needed. Under
the present law the grandson Of a man
who intended TO enlist but never got
around to it, owing to the pressure Of
private business, cannot make the Pen.
sion Bureau clothe and feed him, and a
Congressional act is needed to remedy
this oversight.
Long.haired men are generally weak
and fanatical, and men with scant hair
are the philosophers and soldiers and
statesmen Of the world, - L0nd0n Lancet.
We will bet ten TO one that the editor OF
the Lancet is rs bald as a billiard ball,
and spent all his spare cash in hair re-
storatives before no settled down to the
above conclusion. Philadelphia NewS,
A lady had in her employ an excel.
lent girl who had one fault. Her face
was always in a smudge. Mrs ---
tried to tell her to wash her face with.
out offending her, and at last resorted
to strategy. ado you know, Bridget
she remarked in confidential manner,
ut is said II you wash the face every
day in not soapy water it will make YOU
beautiful" win ita" answered the
willy Bridget Sure it's wonder We
niver tried it, ma'am"
A young man called on a sarcastic
girl few evenings since, his legs done
up in the tightest of pants legs, and
she looked very sad, and her eyes had q
far.away look. He asked her what II
was that caused her to be troubled. She
looked at his large, generous, fiddle-boS
feet and said she had been wondering
how he got his feet through the legs,
whether he unscrewed them and took
them of, or whether there was hinge
in the ankle 50 hecould straighten them
out.
Now" said the teacher of the senior
class, at recent examination in a
public school, 1--WE will have some quo
tations from d tferent authors. Miss
Carrie, you may give selection indicat-
ing sweetness and an antagonistic com.
parison,' The young lady, with mis-.
chief sparkling in her eyes, arose and
electrified the audience with; "a kiss
without q moustache is like an egg
without salt"
A poor man who had large family
broke his leg; and, as he would be for
some time destitute Of tho means OF
grace, it was proposed to hold prayer
meeting at his house. The meeting was
led by Deacon Brown. 4 loud knock at
the door interrupted the service, A tall,
lank, blue -frocked youngster stood at
the door, with an ox-goad in his hand,
and asked to see Deacon Brown.
Father could not attend this meeting,
but he sent his prayers aud they are
out in the Cart They were brought in,
in the shape OF potatoes, beef, pork, and
corn.
"What are YOU going to do after you
leave college9,' asked the friend of the
Senior, whose day of graduation was al
hand. Well" replied the Senior. II
don't quite know as yot, but | think
shall take orders" This was two years
ago; and now rs the quoNdam Senior
rides about IN a cart rs a retail grocer s
third assistant deputy, and notes in a
book the wants OF customers, and then
comes around again later in the day and
delivers them, he smilcs grmly rs he
thinks that the irony OF fate, like that OF
some newspaper photographers, is occa-
sionally expressed in puns,
A little brown-eyed, fve-year.old had
heard his mother tell how she put down
eggs so they would keep, 10y setting
then on their little ends in salt The
next day he had some company, lot Of
little girls, t0play with him during the
afternoon, and he wanted them to stay
TO tea, aud asked his mother TO make
stay, but she said she didn't believe she
could keep them, He went down to the
kitchen aud came up with box of salt
and said Mamma, know how YOU
can keep them, Keep them the way you
keep eggs" That settled it,