Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-09-01
f u n

OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES IS wall ike
fshg When it is scaled.
How does stove feel when full OF
Goals? Grateful.
What is the worst thing about riches2
Not having any.
Which of the reptiles is a mathematic-
ian? The adder.
When is a boat like a heap of snow9
When 1t is adrift.
When is doctor most annoyed? When
he is out of patients.
When is literary work like smoke!
When it comes in volumes.
Why is the letter. e like the sun? Be-
cause it is the centre of light.
Why is the letter N like faithless low
er? Because it is in-constant.
What is an old lady in the middle Of
river like? Like to be drowned.
Why are printers liable to bad colds?
Because they always use damp sheets.
What word may be pronounced quicker
by adding syllable to it? Quick.
There ie one town in Connecticut that
has no fear of the measles. It's Had
dam.
Why are corn and potatoes like the idols
of old? Because the corn have ears and
they hear not, and the potatoes have eyes
and they see not.
Took HER BY SURPRIsE.-They had
returned from Sunday evening confer
ence meeting, and were sitting in tie par
lor enjoying each others presence and their
good clothes.
s'Mary,'' said he, in timorous sort of
way, ''do you think you could love me
well enough to-to-marry me?"
ssHenry! You are SO sudden. l really
cannot tell you until find out whether
the new minister Is married or not"
Henry went out beneath the stars, and
vowed eternal vengeance on divinity stu
dents.
Patrick saw a bull paving in field, and
thought what fun it would be to jump
over, catch him by the horns and rub his
nose in the dirt. The idea was so funny
that he laid down and laughed to think of
it. The moro he thought of it the funnl-
er it seemed, and he determined to do it,
Bovus quickly tossed him over the fence
again. Somewhat bruised, Patrick leis-
ureIy picked himself up, with the consola
tory reflection: 'Well, it is moighty
foine thing I had my laugh foorst.''
Her q pg- are small, tapering and
beautifully shaped, her II as beautiful
as the ***, and she is without her i; her
frown is +, and her figure excites ]! of
surprise and hankering to em~~~ her.
A little girl went timidly into shop
the other day, and asked the shopman how
many shoe strings she could get for pen
ny. "How long do you want them?''. be
inquired. II want them to keep was the
answer in tone of slight surprise.
A clergyman having told poor woman
that, on the whole, Providence had treated
her pretty we'll, she agreed to it. II don't
deny it., said she, "but l sometimes think
he has got even with me on corns."
ST wish you would pay little attention
to what am saying, sir" roared lawyer
at an evaporation. Il am paying as little
as 1 can.' was the calm reply.
'I'm not in mourning" said young lady
frankly, to querIst, ''but as the widows
are getting all the offers nowadays, We
poor girls must do something to protect
ourselves"
A little girl of seven exhibited much dis
quiet at hearing Of new exploring expe-
dition. When asked why she should care
about it, she said IF they discover any
more countries, that will add to the geo.
graphy have to study. There are coun-
tries enough in it now"
''Johnny," said the teacher. "a lie can
be acted as well as told. Now, if your ia
ther should put sand in his sugar and sell
it he would be acting lie and doing very
wrong'' '.That's what mother told him,
said Johnny impetuously, 'and be said he
didn't care darn
SIS it injurious to eat before going to
sleep +? asks correspondent. Why. no,
not fatally injurious, but you just try eat
ing after you go to sleep, if you want to
see circus"
uO UCCS 0lO 0W al uuluk3 chAu CuOAC . uO
end to them, said farmer Jones. coming
into the house. His little boy, George,
came in second afterward and said
their was an end to one of 'em, anyhow,
and.it was red hot, too.
Even if woman is afraid of June
bug, and can't throw stone as straight
as man, she can pack more things in a
trunk and chase hen further than any
man in existence.
'sWho was the meekest man?' asked
Sunday -schoo! teacher. "Moses," Every
well; who was the meekest woman"
t'Never was any.''
Persons with boys in the family should
know that the boys have a platform, and
that they always stand on it. 1t reads:
'Scolding dosen't hurt, whipping doesn't
last long, kill they dar'nst.''
1t takes the whole legislature to change
a mans name. A woman changes hers by
the act of single man
A correspondent wants cure for lazi-
ness. Let him try nitro-glycerlne placed
underneath bis rocking chair.
An Irishman, writing a sketch OF his
life says he early ran away from his faith
or because he discovered he was only his
uncle.
A quarryman said he couldn't see ally
danger in smoking while he Was handling
powder. He can't see anything now,