South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-05-05
WIT AND uUnross.

rent: She wasn't like you, mamma.
for you're afraid Of mouse.
A minister had occasion ono siab>
bath to supply the pulpit of neighbor-
ing brother, whose wife was distinguish
cd for her extreme plrsimony. On be-
ing asked next morning 10y ihc hospita-
bic lady of the mauss if he would cat
IN egg for breakfast. lie replied: yes
madam, always eat Que when / can
not get two
Pa asked little Joanny. what does
the teacher mean by saoin' must have
iaherilea ny had temper r She meant,
Johnny, tina. you ore your mothers own
boy.
Ma, am al made now 2 said a
little miss of three and oDe-half years
at the breakfast table yesterday rnoru-
ing. Why, dear p said the fond moth.
cr. Because have had my ears pierre.
cd and was Yaccinated yesterday said
little Tot.
What made the mule kick YOU ?
they asked of gentleman who had
been sent Tying through the roof of E
barn. And he answered: DO you
think ! was fool enough 70 go back aud
ask him
"A person of an odd turn OF mind,
riding on horseback, met with another,
equal TO himself, in a lane so narrow
that neither could pass without giving
way, which neither would do. Bo.h
mad. halt, and not word was spokcn
lili the first mentioned took copy OF
tie S2aM Branch AtelGyeaccr, out OF his
pocket, whict he began 10 read 20 HIM
self with great composure. The other
determined 10 exhibit an equal degree
Of patience, took his snalr. box from his
pocket, and very leisurely taking
pinch Of snuG, ggayely said: Sir
when you have d;ne with that paper,
shall be glad 10 look at it, This so
pleased tho humVrist that he immo6i-
nteiy took eli lis sgectacIes, seizsd him
by the haad, and Insisted on hi. going
home to dine with him.
A Little boy who wouldn't run TO
tie store for his mother until he hal q
drink Of water, pleaded in cxteuuation
81 his djoobedisnce that rven river
couldn't run when it was dry
No who courts and goes away
May live to court smother day
But lie who weds ant caurLs girls eth.
May get in c3nr; against his will.
-Sole6. SaaJeom.
Do you pretend to have cs good
Judgment as I bsve ? exclaimed an en-
ragged wife 10 Der husband 'Wcp. no.
lie replied slowly. our choice Of pert
ners Tor lie shows that my judgment
is not 10 be compared With yours
An advertiser in New Jersey pr
PEI mixes things after the following
fashion: Madame , sslroiogis,
residence -- Street. Information im-
parted as regards present sad future e.
vents; likewise marriages., journe,s
Iawsniis,e;c, She courersos in English, /
German, anu French. Satisfaction
guaranteed. Ny husband is Grst.class
cooper and repairs tubs, pals, barrals. /
etc, cheap for cash
Here's . ~ in nv rorn waiter,
Yes. sir; very sorry, sir; but YOU
IAN 'hrow away Inc ny AM cat Tie soup, /
'ms you 2
'ofcourle can; you didn't expect
ne 10 throw away the soup aoI ca, Tie
49, did yov
-Juigo Settle, Of the United States
court in Florida, is oultiyatjne au oran-o.
rove at Orange Dale, on Jha S.. Johns
river Florida. Las, year he had a ne.
20 boy in his employ rsmei Julius,
'Lo didnot give satisfaction. Las, Jn-
g tao judge, accompanied by r. -
seogh, Of North Carolina, ana c. ID.
Willard, OF Washington, d. c., bo.b
awyers, employed O black man 20 bost
heu tom Green Cove Syringe 60 Orange
Dale On the way over Che Iu5ee
oehing information about julius. asked
ho boelman il Doe knew Julius.
'Whot, Julias Lommous I?
Yes said Jhe Judge.
Know him Oh COARSE .t,-. Tl.