The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-01-12
Young Fools that Marry.

We clip this article from Peck's Mil
waukee Sun: An exchange has the fol-
lowing item which may seem to be all
right, but it will get some young fellows
back broke yet:
An Illinois justice has decided that
counting is public necessity and must
not be interrupted; therefore, if young
fellow wanted to kiss a girl he light put
her father out of the room first if he
liked"
The publication of the above item may
cause some smart young man to do
something he will regret. The lame,
sickly looking father of girl may come
into the parlor some night and find the
warm haired youth on the sofa, with the
girl, and when the old man speaks of it
being time to put stop to such non
sense, the young man. with the above
judicial decision in his mind, will tell his
prospective father-in-law to wipe off as
vest and go to bed. The old man will
spit on his hands and grasp the young
man by the county seat and tie him up in
u double bow knot, and pin a scarf pin
on him and throw him out on
the path to the gate, and then
the fat.er will slap the girl, and she
will go up stairs with her hand on her
heart, as it were, and the old man will
jump up and say "Whoop" The young
men of this country have got gall enoug,
about visiting girls in the evening, at
their homes, without filing their heads
with any such ideas in regard to their le-
gal rights. There are very few fathers
that would quietly submit to being told
to go away by young man with a
striped necktie and pants too short at the
bottom. They haven't generally got a
second shirt, and they are no more quail
flied to get married than steer is to
preach. He should be reasoned with,
and if he will not quit it until he is able
to support wife, and to know who he
loves and the difference between love
and passion, he should be quarantined.
Nine-tenths of the unhappy marriages
are the result of green human calves be-
ing allowed to run at large in the society
pasture, without any pokes on them.
They marry and have children before
they do mustaches, they are fathers of
twins before they are proprietors of two
pairs of pants, and the little girls they
marry are old women before they are
twenty years old. 1t is time enough for
these bantams to begin to think of find
ing pullet when they have raised mon
ey enough by their own work to buy a
bundle of lath to build hen house.
But they see girl that looks cunning,
and they are afraid there are not going
to be girls enough to go around, and
then they begin to get in their work real
spry and before they are aware of the
sanct;ty of the marriage relation they
are hitched for life, and before they own
q cook stove or bedstead they have to
get up in the night and go for a doctor,
so frightened that they run themselves
out of breath and abuse the doctor be-
cause he does not run too, and when the
doctor gets there he finds there is not
linin enough in the house to wrap up q
doll baby. 1t is about this time that a
young man begins to realize that he has
been q colossal fool, and as he fits
around to heat water and bring in the
bath tub, and goes whoopiDg after his
mother or her mother, he turns pale
around the gills, his hair turns red in a
single night, and he calls high heaven to
witness that if he lives till morning,
which he has doubts about, he will turn
over new leaf and never get married
again till be is older. And in the morn
ing the green-looking father" is around
before the drug store is open, with no
collar on. his hair sticking every way,
his eyes bloodshot and his frame nervous
waiting for the clerk to open the door
so he can get some saffron to make tea of.
Less than year ago he thought he
was the greatest man that there
was anywhere; but as he sits there in the
house that morning. with his wedding
coat rusty and shiny and his pants
| frayed Mt the bottom and patc at the
elbow, and the nurse puts in his arms a
little roll OF flannel with baby hid in it,
he holds it as he would banana; and as
his looks at his girl-wife ON the bed nearly
dead from pain and exhaustion, and he
thinks that there is not provision enough
in the house to feed a canary, lump
comes into his throat and he says to him
self that if he had it to do over again he
would leave that little girl at home to
grow up with her mother, and he would
wait until he had six dollars to buy baby
| flannel.