The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-11-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


If it wasn't for the bellies a goo(
many young men would miss being
church members.
A boy describing how he had a
tooth drawn said: "The doctor col
Jared me, pulled like wild horses, and
just before my head came off the tooth
dropped out"
A gentleman had his picture taken
recently cost him two hundred dol
lars, and still he is not happy. A
fellow took it out of the hall when the
latch was up.
Lightning struck Nevada man the
other day while he was swearing. 1t
would, however, take a mighty smart
stroke of lightning to hit a Nevada
man when he is not swearing.
Pedestrian, who has dropped penny
in front of ga poor, blind man."
"Why, you humbug, you're not blind"
Beggar "Not /, sir. If the card
says am, they must have given me
the wrong one. Pm deaf and dumb"
A queen bee lays in the height of
the season from 1000 to 5000 eggs in
twenty-four hours. The man who
win discover how to graft queen bee
on a hen win make money enough
to ouy out the whole continent in six
months.
A man in Western Illinois adver-
tised for wife, his sister answered
the "ad," and now the young man
thinks there is no balm in advertise
ments, while the old folks think it's
pretty hard to have two fools in the
family.
An advertisement in a Western
paper offers fashionable" piano for
sale. Mrs. Yeast was at loss to
know what fashionable piano really
was, but she has come to the conclu-
sion that it must be one that is
banged"
"There is nothing like settling
down." said the retired merchant,
confdentially, to his neighbor. "When
l gave up business 1 settled down and
found had quite a comfortable for
tune If 1 had settled upI should not
have had a cent"
"No Indian ever has h is pony shod,"
observes an exchange, land yet the
Indian department is charged with
$4,000 worth Of horseshoes per year"
Oh, that's all right. The Indians hang
'em over the doors Of their wigwams
to bring good luck.
Not exactly qucnched "YOu know
am member of the fire department"
said Biggs, "and if find your young
spark in the house it will be my duty
to put him out" "But, father" re-
piled his daughter, 'if you do, like as
not shall have a new flame within q
week"
Astronomical: "Mother, may get
up at daybreak and so out to look at
the comet with Charley?" "No, my
daughter, but you may go into the
kitchen and peel those potatoes" 1t
is in this way that many youthful
and soaring mind is condemned to
limit the realm Of its knowledge to
the narrow borders Of our insignificant
planet.
"I don't believe in this learning
German, Spanish, French or any for
eign language" said Michigan man
the other day. "Why, lived among
lot of Germans and got along with
them just as wen as if 1 had known
their language, but I didn't-not q
word Of it." How did you contrive
it?" "Why, you see they understood
mine"
{" A New Orleans washerwoman has
in the past fifteen years raised family
Of fatherless children, given them all
good educations, purchased a hand
some house, and has $4,000 laid away
for a rainy day. Her entire possess
ions were earned at the washutb' ,
This item is valuable as showing how
promptly New Orleans men pay theii
wash bills.
In q Dakota forest last week a party
of hunters discovered a man who had
wcll-deyeloped tail nine inches in
length. They told Of their discovery
when they returned TO town, but failed
TO state that the tail was the tail of {
squirrel. The posse of twenty-foul
young men who went out to capture
the tailed man made unpleasant re
marks when they found they were
sold.
He was a real estate agent and com
planned that he had had three adioin
ing houses to let since last fall, anC
couldn't get rid Of them on any terms
What's the cause?" asked a friend
"Malaria?" No" "Rum mill OF
the corner?" "No." NeighborhooC
infested with cats?" "No." "Wha
then?" "Well, there's man acros
the way with his daughter, and he'
trying to make an American primi
donna Of her."
Speaking Of spiritual consolation
and the comforting assurance that tht
eternity of the just shall be blessed,