davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1882-06-01
Josh Billings Philosophy.

A reputation once broken may posi-
bly, be repaired, but the world will all
wus keep their eyes on the spot where
the krack wuz.
Averice so parches up mans soul,
until at last it hangs in biz body, like
the pith in goose quill. '.....
Ridikule liz power just in proper
shun to the truth it contains, and new
er should be used in malice, and only
by an expert,
Wize men often doubt, phools never
do.
The bow will only bear just so much
strain before it breaks and never should
be put to this test.
Ii you want to find the truth ov a
thing, git at the common sense ov it.
This rule haz no excepshun whatever,
You kant make child luv you by
whipping him, but you kan make him
say he duz.
One man kan take seat passibly,
two kant, and three wouldn't if they
could.
Rhetorick IL sensible speech set to
muzik.
If there waz no sin in being an inf
del, it liz so unmanly that I wonder any
one can be guilty ov it.
Satire that amt true hurts no one so
much az the one who uses it.
Self conceit looks we'll, and ackts
we'll, i'll a peacock.
Science liz the highest order ov COM
mon sense. Heavens logick, hand
maid ov religion, liz truth, and nothing
else.
Man il a vain kritter. He konsid-
ers himself an excepshun to all rules,
and acks accordin.
We all ov us complain ov the dishon-
esty of others, and yet we all ov us
cheat ourselves most numerically eve
ry chance we git, and amt happy unless
we kan.
Self luv is the basis ov all our faults
and vices, and ov very menny ov our
virtews, too.
Opportunities are everything. Give
me an opportunity, and I will match
myself agin all the bad lux in the wide
world.
No man who IL very sensitive can
long be very happy muskeeters and
phools will keep him in hot water, if
nothing else will.
The greatest geniuses the world haz
ever had have had comparatively little
learning; they WIZ born reddy made.
Silence haz won many aviktory that
otherwize would have been lost.
The very hardest man to beat IL the
one who don't want ennything only
what he haz got.
Moses explanation of light pleases
me the most; it seems to be unanswer-
able. God said let there be light, and
there was light"
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1882-06-01
Improved Telephones.

At last, it is said, the secret of speak
ing through long distances has been
discovered. TeIephoning has up to
this time been confined to short cir
cults, and its use has therefore been
limited; but with the new invention
there is no difficulty for person in
New York conversing with a friend in
Boston or Cincinnati. Indeed it is
believed that before five years are over,
speaking communications will be estab-
hshed between London and New York
by means eff the cable. But what a
miracle the telephone isl What now
seems so commonplace to us, would
have been deemed incredible a quarter
Of a century back; yet We are only in
the beginning of the marvels which
science hash store for us.-DemOresfS
Monthly for June. go
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1882-06-01
TO WHICH KING DOMy

A busb in the school. room prevailed;
Each heart with expectancy burned
For the Kaiser was coming that day,
And all eyes 10 the portals we're turheu'
And now he has entered tho room.
Lo. that Kaiser, so stately ana PROUD
He has paZed on each sunny head there
That before him in reverence IL bowed
And now every heart gives throb,
AS before him is stationed class,
And the Kaiser, no great ana 20 tan
Thus auctions bright little lass
.Uro which kingdom belongeth this rose"
Taking one from tue vase by his SIDE;
Her blue eyes were lifted To his, ..
ITO the Vegetable" quick she replied
"RiRht right, little maiden and this"
And forth from his pocket he drew
A fair ieweled watch, with it's chain,
And then held il mp to her view.
Not n doubt TO her blue eyes arose,
Asshe stood meath the Kaiser's proud gaze
But clear came her answer again
ITO the Mineral, sir, If you please
With n smile Mt her answer so quaint
Said tho Kaiser, so mighty and high:
"And now, little maid, can you tell 40,
OF which kingdom member am =
Ali poor little maid, twas indeed
A specimen strange to her eyes;
She gaZed at the Kaiser, so TAI,
But mute were her lips with surprise
A specimen rare-that wise little maid
That question had not heard before.
OF the Kingdoms three. to which he belonged,
That Kaiser- it puzzled her sore
The elephant great she had seen,
And the spotted tigers AS well,
And the lions, too, with bristling NAME
And their kingdoms she quickly could tell
But Kaiser! ah! never before
Had she seen one so stately and grand;
Sure. not with the rose or the watch,
Or the elephant huge, could he stand.
A sweet, puzzled look filed her eyes,
And she stood in wondering maze;
On the stately form and the kingly brow
OF the Kaiser she fixed her gaze.
But now springs light to her eyes,
AS, placing his hand ON her head,
ITO which Kingdom ?" he questions again
"To the Kingdom of Heaven ~ she said.
All! wise little maid, may thy words
A prophecy true unfold,
And when thou shalt enter the Kingdom above
Thou may'st then the Kaiser behold.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1882-06-01

loved me-" she said, "and it frightened
my whole life" ,,..
"Ahl such a small thing. and gave
IL 10 SO few" moaned the teacher.
"And YOU were merciful TO Inc once
when was guilty of wrong, said an
other, coming TO her side.
One after another came, and every
story was a reproach. 81,
"Only two in all to whom l did my
duty" she thought, and che heard a
voice whisper mockingly: And with
Gods help we will do our duty In The
| life allotted TO u.s."
She covered her face with her hands
When she looked up again every
thing was changed. The earth was
ROBBED in white. A great multitude OF
white.robed people hurried to and iro
with eager faces. .,
"What does it mean?" she asked
someone. ;,
at is life's commencement day."
was the reply. -, ,..
A sudden fear seizes her. She hears
her name called, and she answers
present." as of yore.
When the long roll cali is finished,
she hears her name called again, but
she trembles and answers not. Sud
denly bright presence stands before
her.
"You are to read life's valedictory,"
it saws; and without word she rises
and tries to speak. Then, as in her
childhood, she murmurs:
"Not prepared"
But the bright being bids her pro-
coed. She finishes, and all fall back as
she passes. She gazes about her, and
her eyes fall upon four angels, writing
in books, on which she reads:
"Mercy, Justice, Charity and Love-"
She goes to the first. "Tell me if l
reach the required standard IN Mercy;
do I pass?"
The angel looks at her sadly. "No;
YOU fall below the standard"
She goes to the angel writing In the
book of Justice. and asks, as before:
"Do reach the required standard IN
Justice?"
"You are perfect" the angel answers
sadly.
"Is it not we'll Z" she asks.
"Your justice was not softened by
mercy, and it is not we'll" :.
She goes to the next. "Tel me-"
she says, "my average in Charity"
at is zero" is the slow reply; per
haps Love will save you"
aYou fall below the Standard" the
Angel of Love tells her.
With great cry, she falls down upon
her knees.
"Go to the Recording Angel" the
plying angels tell her.
She finds him. "Tell me, " she cries,
"my average. Do I pass? Am l emit
tied to a Diploma of Eternal Life ?"
no." said the Recording Angel.
"You have fallen below the standard"
"And with Gods help We will do our
duty in the life allotted us!" she hears
taunting voice whisper.
She turns, and sees many OF her ola
com panions, with bright, glorified
faces, pass her on the way, bearing IN
their hands the Diploma Of Eternal
Life.
She awakes with start.
"Only dream" she thinks. But
o! it has shown me my faults. Perhaps
il m Y save me and Others"
"And with Gods help, we will do our
duty in the life allotted to U.S." she re-
peats, solemnly. This time no mock
ing voice repeats it.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1882-06-01

WHEN a friend asked a Reformed -
ebriate the cause of his reformation, III n
said: @As you are married you .. ~,
quite understand it when say gel'ii. .s
tiOsy made me see my mOther-in'H'
doubled
TIE total length of fencing ~ ~ ~
United States is upward OF 6;y .S ~
miles. and the cost over S2,OOu,OVO.y.---..
Cost Of fencing during the last ee-'-
year was nearly s79.OOO.OOO.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
Errors Corrected.

There S hardly place IN the world
where we do not find those who think be-
cause they subscribe for or patronize q
paper that they have right to dictate its
course. This is an error, for such is not
the case. Another is that they look upon
the newspaper as the best and most etfec-
tive means of wreaking vengeance upon
an adversary and WHO think it is perfect
ly legitimate that they be allowed or rath-
er that they be not denied the right to
tay an adversary through its columns and
then themselves dodge behind the publish
er into the obscurity Of nom de plume,
in which the writer cannot be recognized,
There are often good and sufficient rea-
sons of modesty or other causes for q per-
son to write for the papers over an unrec-
ognizable signature, on subjects Of pub
lie and general interest, and this may be
right and proper enough, but to abuse the
privilege by taking advantage OF the OBJ
scurity of the attacking party to give a
person a rap and place him in an elnbarras-
sing position by means of inuenGo is as
cowardly as it is mean, and the Alert
does not propose to lend its aid to any
such reprehensible purposes, and if an;
correspondent abuses the privilege
IN this way we will expose him ard
give lis name to the party injured on ap
plication. The Alert is newspaper and
will publish the news though the heavens
fall, but it does not champion the personal
cause or grievance or spite of any one.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
Finale Of the Inquest.

The inquest over the dead resulting
from the railroad accident al Spiritwood
Tuesday was concluded yesterday morn
ing, when the body of the unfortunate
who could not he eXtricated from the
wreck in time to be brought in with the
the two the day before, arrived. The
name of this man was Peter Lawronsen
The verdict of the coroner's jury was in
accordance with the facts published in
the Alert of yesterday morning, from
which it appears that the accident was
one that human foresight could not an
ticipate nor avoid, and no blame for neg
ligence attaches to any one. Tie rail-
road company provided neat and suita-
BILE cottins and dressed the bodies in good
and suitable burial clothes. The body OF
Lawronsen was sent to Fargo and was blU-
led by the company. Turner's was sent tC
relatives at Stevens Point, and that of
Racine is still here awaiting tele-
graphic communication with relatives as
to where they wish it to be sent. The two
wounded men are getting along reason
ably well.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
Grand Rapids Notes.

The hardware store on Broadway IS
nearly completed and is an ornament to
the town.
Mr.. Ingersoll has the Bank building
fairly under way he expects to be in it in
the course of couple of weeks.
Two blacksmith shops arc gong up and
in fact the building boom has struck this
town in earnest
l. G. Hall & Co., arc adding a cook
room to the Revere House and will soon
build fine cottage in town. The senior
partner of this firm is running a branch
house at Glendale the terminus of the II.
g. d. branch Of the &. Nj. & St. Z. II. Il.
prairie fire destroyed the residence of
the Bowen Bros. six miles out of town.
Deisem & Franks have a large stock
of goods this spring and seem to be doing
good business.
John Young is building quite nice
house on the bluffs west of town.
1t is rumored here that wealthy parties
are contemplating building road to be
known as the Devils Lake, Sanborn &
Grand Rapids Line this to be the southern
branch of the line If this should pan out
to be true, Grand Rapids will be in few
years the railroad center Of the southern
part of Northern Dakota.
Davis s. Whiteman report live busi-
ness
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
The Cow Complaint Again.

Still the complaints come in about the
COWS running at large in the town
and destroying the gardens. There are
no fences in town and the gardens are
unprotected against the ravages of these
bovine destroyers. There is an evident
slackness i'll enforcing tie ordinance,
which is stringent cnough to effect the
protection desired; but the question is
how or by whom are the ordinances to
be enforced. The writer has had some
experience as city officer, and he does
not agree with those who think they
themselves have nothing to do in the
matter, but the town officers have it all.
1t is impossible for an officer TO see and
know OF his own knowledge of all the
violations OF the various ordinances. and
without this he is as powcrless as anv
other citizen to do anything, unless a
warrant is put into his hands to exc
cute The liberties of the people are not
at the whim OF an officer any more than
at that OF any one else, ncr can he
exercise authority upon the say-so or
whims of others. Ii you know of a vio
latlon of the law or ordinance, whether
you are injured by it or not, it is your
privilege and, IN many cases, your duty
to go before the magistrate and make an
affidavit OF the fact, and then you Will see
the law enforced, but you need not expect
to see the law enforced if you call the
| officer to one side, and tell linn such and
such an one is violating an ordinance,
and at the same time refuse to go before
the magistrate and make affidavit to il
He has no power to act upon your sug-
gesting or prompting it. The only dilfer-
ence is that citizen is in duty bound, as
| good citizen, to make complaint before
magistrate of an otTense committed
| within his own knowledge or sight. and
an officer Is in addition bound hy his Off
cial cath to uo 50. 1t any Of our town
| officers fail to do this they deserve censure.
but if the citizens fail to do their duty in
the premises by refusing TO make proper
complaint they are not i'll position TO
complain of the officers with very good
grace. If all would do their full duty
the stock ordinance would soon begin to
tell i'll Its effects.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
A Lend Office.

jamestown is entitled to government
land office and we hope the people here
will insist upon their rights in the matter
There are thousands Of dollars spent in
travelling to and from Fargo, distance Of
100 miles, to negotiate public land trans
actions, besides the unavoidable delay on
account of the rush of business at that
office, the greater part Of which is out this
way There is a well-grounded suspicion
here that interested parties, for selfish and
avaricious purposes, are at the bottom of
our difficulty in obtaining a land office
here, and some of them will come to grief
sooner or later. jamestown is wiling to
live and let live, but she will not silently
see her rights withheld just to keep up
another town. If Fargo needs help, no
other town in the territory will bcstow its
charity with more lavish hand, but W hat
we object to is having it tilched from us
through the land Office.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
Cursiy Personal.

Attorney Beuton Of Fargo, is in the
city.
Mr., Geo, Braune has commenced The
manufacture Of all kinds of soda and min
eTal watels.
Mr.. Du Buisson of the Empire Store
will occupy one OF Tie new stores in Nc
Ginnis new block.
Sheriff MckechnIc las recovered Jim
Ram and al hut ten OF his lost sheep
which are supposed to have been slain by
vicious dogs.
Mr.. \. b. Zingg, the proprietor of the
elevator at Sanborn, and one of the lead
ing business men Of that town, was in the
city last night.
Jacob Smith returned from Aser0een
yesterday where he has ,asc.a looking after
his real estate lie says the land Office
thera will be opened about the first of
July
Mr.. Klaus has leased the two sew store
rooms under his Hall to parties who will
occupy isirittii;tteiy. 0tie as gro
cery store and the other as wholesale
| liquor establishment.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
Communicated
A Vigorous Kick.

Ed. Alert:
The vexations aud unnecessary expense
to which many settlers are subjected in
Stutsman and adjoining counties are SIM
ply outrageous. Quite a number Of
settlers have filed through attorneys and
Immediately put up shanties on their
claims, and just about the time they gel
their shanties finished they get returns
from Fargo, saying shat their CLAIMS had
been filed on by somebody else just a day
or two ahead of them. The Fargo Office
is so crowded with applications that it
takes two or three weeks to get returns
here.
The latest report from Washington on
the bill was as follows:
Senator McDills report on Senator Sic
McMillan's report to create an additional
land district IN Dakota, recommends the
passage of the bill and presents the fol-
lowing statements: The proposed dis
tuct includes the counties OF LaMoure,
Dickey, Logan, Kiddcr, Stutsman, Eos
ter. Gingras, Sheridan, McHenry, and De-
Smet, about 100 900 square miles and 10,
OOO, 900 acres of public lands. Ii inclldes
some of the most valuable agricultural
lands in Northern Dakota, and is now re-
ceiv,ng very large immigration, aud it
will probably receive $1,000 to $4,000 i'm
migrants in the present year..
jamestown Is distant 100 miles from the
nearest.laaa e:Hce in Dakota and proper
ly located in the proposed district for ac-
cess by railroad.
Another dispatch day OF two late
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
The Final Clean and Closing Scene Of Il, e
Railroad Cave that Sent Three
Men to the Grave.
Mouse River Half-breeds threaten violent
Deeds, and Kelleher turns Back to
his old beaten Track.
Those with spleen Affected, have their er
rors Corrected by few pen Strides
upon their thick Hides.
The Land Office tumble makes hopeful
Rumble, and comes UP Anew by
the aid Of Mr.. Pettigrew.
The Land Office,

There is, to say the least, some hope Of
securing land office at Jamestown, and
we ought to let the dispensers of such
things at Washington know that we
want one here, and that we need one, and
that we have a right to one, by every
means in our power. The following
letter, which has been handed us, con-
tains some encouragement:
House of Representatives,
Washington, May 9th 1882.
A. w. KELLEY, Jamestown, D. r. !:
Dear Sir-We have secured favorable
report on the land Office bill from the SEN
ate committee but do not know whether
the bill will pass or not. The Minnesota
senators and members here are opposed
to it, and they have secured the opposi-
ton Of the commissioner of the land Office
and it makes it very hard work Still
shall do every thing can, and hope, of
course, to pass the bill. Young Hewitt
has been here for some time, working
earnestly to secure the passage of the
bill, and he feels confident of success.
Yours truly,
r. L. PETTIGREw.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
Eldridge Sduibs :.

An underground telephone communi-
cation has been established between the
depot and Nesscy's store.
One. Of our enterprisiDg farmers who
halls from Ohio states that upwards of
Il, ,0GO acres OF grain have been sown with
in SIX miles of this town during the past
four weeks. This is an increase of 5000
over last year,
While in Jamestown Monday afternoon
last Rev. VIM. Huelster purchased from
John Moore spanking little Indian pony
which lie tied to the hind end of his We
hicle and led home. On arriving at his
domlclle lie fastened the animal securely
at the end of the hay stack and left him,
as lie supposed, comfortable for the night.
Along about ( o'clock in the morning,
when the boys were doing the chores, they
discovered that the pony had slipped his
halter and skipped. Edward Huelstcr
Immediately mounted horse and started
in pursuit. but up I'LL the present time las
failed TO overtake him.
Horace Ashley Is having $50 acres Of
land broken on his quarter, and is going
extensively inIo potatoes and onions. He
has given up his intention of investing in
the \ ellowstonc valley, thinking and feel
ing that there is more money to be made
here.
S. L. Glaspeil, accompanied by his be-
ter half, drove up from jamestown yes
terday and contracted with Henry Nessey
for 5000 feet OF lumber with which lie
proposes having built a large Layn
and feed house three miles north of here
for the accommodation of his stock while
breaking two and a half sections Of land.
Mrs. Allen has discovered no traces as
yet of her missing husband, who abscond-
ed from here short time ago.
Jerry Collins and some OF his Michigan
friends went to tie James river one day
last week on an angling expedition, aad
returned with 400 POUNDS OF pickerei and
white fish. The smallest one weighed
seven pounds and three ounces.
Mat Darrah returned from Bismarck
yesterday, where he Lad bee,: purchasing
1900 cottonwood trees. lie made the
round trip in 70 hours.
The great influx If settlers continues.
and Nesscy & Scripture are kept busy 10
eating them.
Two gentlemen from Omaha were here
on Monday with the View of choosing
suitable location for the erection of grist
mill, and it ;i satisfactory site can be pro-
cured they Will within six weeks COM
mancc to build.
The breaking season has set in and he
ground is in excellent shape. Our hla, L.
smith is kept busy day aud night.
RUPERT.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
NillGanl Washout.

Yesterday morning the south side of
the mil dam gave away, and was carried
out clear and clean by the current, even
the large rocks were carried down the
stream considerable distance. The
cause seems to have been the cutting out
of the bank, which, though protected as
was thought sufficiently, gradually gave
away. It will incur considerable expense
to repair the damage, but, as the mill is
provided with steam power, this misfor-
tune will not affect the running of the
mill. MI Klans will go to work at once
to repair the damage to the dam, and will
rebuild it in permanent and substantial
manner The Touring mill is one of our
most valuable enterprises, and it's propri-
etor one of our most enterprising citizens
and his misfortune, though he is abund-
antly able to stand it, is regretted by oil.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1882-05-19
Jim.Rem's Gone.

Sheriff McKechnie;s flock Of sheer
under the leadership of Jim-ram have
wandered off. A member Of the dramatic
club upon learning of it gave vent in the
following verses, to be sung to the tune
of s'N1nety and Nine:"
There We're sixty and nine that safely straysd,
From out of McKechnies fold;
They wandered over the bluffs away
Toward Spiritwood, Sam was told.
CHORUS
Then off on his pony, he galloped away,
To find tho lost sheep, he hunted all day;
He relurned but found them not.
We think old Ram jim is to blame for it all;
But Sam cannot blame him for going away;
Yet we hope he'll get time to return before fall,
And join us again in our opening play.
CHORUS