San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1882-02-02
WIT AND wIsDon.

DhTtUiVtON huUheDo.
A PARTY Of SIM Juan ranchers made
bonfire OF an Apache Indian, and the
Coroner's jury returned verdict of
overcome by the heat" F.,
.FRoupE says: "We cannot live ON
probabilities. The probability is that
We cannot, but they are the first thing
man goes for every morning, after
taking up his paper.-Lo,peU Citizen.
A MEDICAL certificate is among the
treasures of the London Gen eral Post
Office worded as follows: "This is TO
certify that l attended Mrs. in her
last illness, and that she died in con.
sequence thereof"
Il HAVE left St. Louis" said the
young man to his uncle, nm honest man
who handles wheat in Chicago. "Well,"
replied the old man, that's about the
best thing you could do with it,
Burlington Hapkeye.
How rapidly the German carp in
creases may be gathered from an adj
vertisement mentioned in the Sacra-
mento Bee, in which Mr.. George
Mashler, Of Stockton, offers for sale
10000 fish for stocking ponds. He
commenced operations with seventeen
yearling carp two years ago.
THOMAS Schoield, aged 81 years,
walked nine miles to renew his subscrip-
tion to New London paper. 1t is the
general impression among publishers
that there are number of subscribers
who are waiting until they are 81 years
old to come in and pay for their paper.
-Danburv Netos.
ARABELLA (on her toes in q chair,
clutching convulsively at her skirt)-
"Oh, Bridget A mousel mousel
Come and catch it quickl" Bridget
"Shure, mum, there's no hurry. If
this one gets away, I Can get plenty
more for ye, mum!"
A CALCULATING exchange says 1T
takes a woman ten times as long to
dress as man." Perhaps because her
dress costs ten times as much as
mans. Anyhow, when she is dressed,
the chances are that she looks ten times
more paralyzing than man. Norris
to,en Herald. .-
A MODEL newspaper: YES" said the
Denver editor, think must have got
out very readable paper this morning.
I've been licked by three prominent
citizens to-day, another chased me with
dogs and gun and the police had
hard work to keep mob from wreck
ing my Office" Chicago Tribune.
A STRANGER travelling through
Southern " Missouri was arrested by
sound of revelry in public inn situa-
ted lear the border line. Accosting
man who was picking his teeth with
bowie. knife at the door, be inquired
the cause of the commotion. Nothing
much" he explained; IAN Arkansas
man was shot here this afternoon for
telling a snake story, and the Coroners'
jury has just acquitted the prisoner"
DENN1E DUNLAP was a three.card
monte man attached to o circus. A
greenhorn whom he had swindled ont
of 5000 at Assumption, La, complained
to justice, who not only issued war
rant, but went out to the tent TO serve
it. Dennie was operating on another
victim, and he quietly offered the Justice
$40 not to interrupt him for ten min
utes. This proposition was declined.
Then the gambler angrily drew re-
volver. but the justice fired quickest,
killing him instantly, and coolly recov-
erine the 5000 from his pocket. The
gambling privilege of that circus is now
for sale.
The lecture room of the Louioville
Medical College is in the form of an
ampitheater, the seats rising rapidly. A
free hammered Texan student in the
highest row put his foot on the shout
der of Kentuckian next in front. The
Kentuckian resented the familiarity,
and they went out into an alley 10 fight,
the rest of the class accompanying
them. Strange to say, the affair was
not decided with six shooters. The
rules of pugilism we're enforced by a
referee, and thirty-two rounds were,
fought in about an hour, when the van
pushed Kentnckian was carried to
physicians Office for treatment. The
victorious Texan may now probably
rest his feet just where he pltases.
THE inability of a lawyer to answer
question directly is illustrated by q
recent exchange of letters between the
Chicago lawyer Emory A. Storrs and a
friend. The latter asked Mr. Storrs
whether his first name was Emery"
or Emory" and Mr.. Storrs began his
reply by saying: MY signature here
unto appended will settle the and
question:" and then he wrote three
pages about social and political matters,
at the end Of which were these words:
yours, 4. Storrs."
He had been introduced 10 a girl
fron. pog4np orI korct1o~ H.