Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1882-01-11
SPICE AND ALlSPICE,
1o1cEs of the night: Babies.

SPICE AND ALlSPICE.
Voices of the night: Babies.
: MIXED pickles: A dozen vinegar-faced
old maids at sewing circle.--N. Y
Neavs.
THEY were twins. The parents chris
tened one Kate and the other Dupli-
Kate.
"YoU seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend" "Yes I have been
Strengthened by circumstances
| A POPULARITY of the clock is that
as soon as it strikes it goes on with it's
work.
AN exchange says: can umbrella that
keeps Lent the year round is altogether
too religious for u.s.
Mr.. DAMrT lives in Illinois. He is
not very prominent citizen, but his
name is household word.
"YoU wouldn't take mans last cent
for cigar, would you?" "Certainly I
would" "Well here it is then; give me
the cigar
"A YOUTHFUL female lawyer would feel
insulted at being called bar-maid, and
yet that's just what she is.-Burlington
Haavkeyc.
"WHY did not you send for me soon
er?' asked a doctor of a patient.
"Well, you see, doctor, couldn't make
up my mand to do anything desperate. :"
SAYS the Toledo Blade: "When the
Odessa roughs threw pickles at Sara
Bernhardt she must havefelt like gherkin
their heads off,
A LITTLE child was addressed by a
gentleman the other day: Chow old
are you, my dear" he asked. cold"
said the child, Indignantly, "I'm not
old at all, I'm quite new"
The girl who was locked in her lovers
arms for three hours, explains that it
was not her fault. She claims that he
forgot the combination.-G Georgia In
Quirer-Sun.
ACATsK1LL coroner's jury decided that
a woman "came to her death in the
providence of God by the accidental in
halation of chloroform and heart dis
ease"
WHAT is the difference between the
preacher, and builder, and the architect
Of Il church? One is the rector, the
other the erector, and the third the d.
rector.
A FoUR-YEAR-oLD child, who, while
visiting, saw bellows used to blow an
open fire, informed her mother that
"they shovel wind into the fire down at
Aunt Emma's."
POSITIVELY the latest college joke:
Professor says: "Time IS money; how do
you prove it?' Student says: "Well,
you give 25 cents to couple of tramps;
that is quarter to two
! THIS clangeable weather: "Come on,
boys" cried Ragbags son, yesterday
morning, "let's go down to the pond
with our skates. If it amt frozen SO we
can skate, we can go in swimming."-
Boston Post.
In an album Of autographs Alphonse
Karr has written: "The first half of our
lives we pass in desiring the second, and
| the second in regretting the first AL
phonse evidently married early.-Chica-
80 Tribune.
A GOOD old Boston lady, who reads the
| papers, saw that there was to be "re-
vival" at the Globe Theater of the Black
Crook. She says she don't know of any
place where they need renewing in relig-
ioJls matters any more than at these
pesky theaters, and for her part she's
glad to hear such good news.
WHEN an Austin schoolmaster entered
his temple of learning q few evenings
ago he read on the blackboard the touch
ing legend, "Our teacher is donkey"
The pupils expected there would be a
combined cyclone and earthquake, but
the philcsophic pedagogue contented
himself with adding the word "driver
to the legend, and opened the school
with prayer as usual.
| A couNTRYMAN took his seat at hotel
table opposite to gentleman who was
enjoying a bottle OF wine. Surprising
the wine to be common property, our
unsophisticated country friend helped
himself to it with the other gent]eman's
glass. "That's cool p exclaimed the
owner Of the wine, Indignantly. eyes,"
said the other, IT should think there
was ice in it.
"WHAT did you do with that letter
that was on my table?'' asked Gus De
Smith of the colored boy who cleans up
his room. II TUX it to the postoAice,
sab, and put it in de hole" "What did
you do that for? Did you not see there
was no address on the envelope?" ct
saw dar was no writin' on de 'velope, but
l lowed yer did dat ar on purposs, so I
couldn't tell who yer was a writin' to.
Use an edicated negro, is.'
some years ago whenever colored
man had the toothache, a string was tied
around the decaying grinder, and while
the dentists assistant held the cord the
dentist raised a heavy maui, as if to
strike the patient dead. OF course the
African threw himself back to avoid the
blow, and with such force as to jerk
out the tooth. This sort of dentistry,
it should be said, is much cheaper than
the presentoperation. Charlottesville Cour.
icr-J04rnal.
Two sons of Erin, shoveling sand on a
hot day, stopped to rest, and exchanged
views on the labor question. Pat, this
is mighty hard work we're at" ut is
indade, Jimmy; but what kind Of work
is it you'd like if ye could get it o.
SWELL said the other, leaning reflect
j Lively on his shovel and wiping the pers-
:: piratjon with the back of his hand, 'sfor
a nice, aisy, clane business, I think !
would like to be bishop"
A LITTLE girl in Hartford, Conn.,, was
sent to store the other day to buy some
lace. The clerk, after putting up the
package, said: "Well, there is one and
, a-half yards of lace at ten cents yard
How much does it come too" To which
the miss pertly replied: "We]l, I'm no.
going to tell; I have to study arithmeti.
all the rest of the week, and I'm no
going to bother my head with it or
Saturdays"
"GEoRGE WASHINGTON has been deat
eighty-two years, hasn't he, dad 2
*About that, thoughtfully returned tn
old gentleman, "and his example ba
been forgotten already" "Not by every
body" added the truthful youth, Sc
didn't forget it, And when his sir
glanced out the window>and saw that hi
fayorite fruit true had been reduced to
complete wreck he turned in and mad
q 1inr ont Of fhat how for lifo - RrooLZ,u