Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-10-26
AM1uaraas department.
WHY HE LAUGHED.

Il have called to transact piece Oh ousii!eso
which to the world may seem ridiculous, Dut
which viewed from spiritual emlnence' IS OF
Importance" "
''What is it,
81 want you to love me-
oLoye YOU ?" gasped the good man, regard
ing the petitioner and inwardly voWing tnat
he had never before met a more repulsVe
human being.
ssYes. sir. want you to love me-" and ne
sat down and closed his eyes as though ne IN
tended to await the announcement OF the de-
csion. ''The command is to love one anoth-
er. confess that I love you," and opening
his eyes he leered at the preacher.
ssWell, sir,'' said the minister, your de-
mand after all is simple 1 suppose you have
been lost for many years. -2nd-aaye tastea
grace, and that ESPECIALLY want the love, Oh
ministers -Xes, sir, love YOU"
fsTbanE you Now, when we love any one
we are willing to help him. Gimme dollar,
SIR, gimme dollar Out of the love you bear
me, gimme the dollar"
The minister arose, took down box ana
handed the visitor dollar. "Good by. 1
hope you will always love me" and the lover
was gone. ~ .h
looking man. when thew reached street cor
ner not far away.
.sFine. Never met but one preacher that
got away with me, and he was an old Baptist
that insisted on ducking me into the river
before he could love me. Preachers love some
thing odd. The old style OF striking em Is
repealed"
s'Let me see the money"
4'Here she is; a new dollar. Let's 60 II
take something" .,
Il guess not. The thing is counterfeit" "
It was vile imitation, and the two thieyes
&hor ina
poked his head over the fence and laughed
The dollar had come to him in eontrlbution
box.-Arkansa,o Traveller.
How HE NAMED THE BABY.-ln the city
of Portland. Me-, one of the leading auction
and commission houses employs porter VINO
reioices in the name of Tim. Tim had been
noticed for some time to be rather Indifferent
to his duties: and on being Questioned as 10
the occasion of his negligence, replied
''To tell the truth, sir, I've had little DoY
born till me; and want to name him after
both O. wees, but don't intirely get the slnse
of the names"
The dilemma in which the porter was placed
was apparent and the members OF the firm
endeayored to devise s<suitable cognomneeln
for the kidding. TiM continues dissatlsted,
however. n6twithse landing the most ingenious
splicings OF titles. At length. one morning
lie was observed to be unusually active IN
EXPLANATION of which phenomenon ne told MS
employers: ,
siMe boy was christened last night, sir.''.
'sBut, said the SENIOR" ''you must nave
had name for him.
II did, sir.''
"How did you get over that difficulty you
had about it what did you call yonf boy T"
With perfect radiant confidence, Tim an
swered tsEdward NJ. Patten & Co. Ryan,
STRIP
It is needless to add that the firm ''came
down. in behalf of that little Eamseake, IN
style worthy of their reputation for generosity.
JoB.-The world has been symathizing
with Job for two thousand years, and pltylng
his suffering and tribulations, but hardiy
thought seems to have been taken OF BITS. Joo
and her trials which must have been OF no
ordinary nature. True, she didn't have any
boils. her husband, with true male selhshness,
appropriatinp them to himself, but she had
to wait on him and listen to his complainings
day and night. 1t would have tried the pa
thence of a saint to have been compelled to
live in the same house with man burGened
with such wealth of Affections as Job was.
It is hardly to be wondered at that goaded to
desperation, his wife advised him to throw up
the game and pass in his checks. Almos' any
woman would have done the same thing under
the circumstances. There seems to have been
constant stream of people coming to see Job
to condole with him. Not only did the neigh
bors drop in continually to see how he was
getting along, each one with different reme-
dy for boils, but relatives came from long dis
tances and ofcourse they had to be entertained
and fed. This made great deal OF work tor
Mrs. Job, who On account of her husbands
extraordinary losses, couldn't afford to keep
a hired girl Had she not been remarkable
woman she never could have gone through
with it.
COURTsHIP IN IOwA-A few days ago
stanch old farmer, living a few miles from
Maquoketa, drove to town, accompanied by
his son, and reaching a certain residence
where resides a family in which there is
handsome daughter not yet out OF her teens,
they stopped. The old man held the horses
while the young man entered the yard ana
raped gently on the door. When the young
lady opened it and said good morning, the
Young man stammered out, is Miss - at
home ?'' She answered, eyes sir, "Wall,
my father wants to see 'er." won't you
come in ?'' she asked. "No: I'll 60 and hold
the team while father comes, in,'' he said.
The father came in, and without ceremony,
began "My boy out there's got eighty acres
of good land, a team, and wants to get a wife
'twixt now and harvest, but he's kinder bash
full, aud wanted me to ask you if you wouldn't
marry him, and if it is all right we would come
around next Sunday and settle up the busi-
ness" Imagine that young lady's surprise
and bewilderment, never having seen the ia
ther or son. Regaining her composure, she
replied, II don't care to get married now. "
iMaq,oketa Sentinel.
Il nnvES L
heard of another case of billing and cooling,
says writer in the Louisville Courier-journaL
They were sitting on log near the Rock
Spring at their devotions.
''And you love me 20 he said.
''Can you ask it 20 she answered.
II like tS|hear you say the sweet word over
and over again. he gurgled
''Thenf do love you and love you," she
twittere@.
'eAnd kmust leave you tomorrow"
"Don't sasA-dear heart, don't sayit.'
"And what will my darling d0-when l am
far away What will she do in these lonely
evening hours without me 20
''Ahem - said an old bachelor, getting up
from the dark end of the log and starting off
to the hotel "I'll tell You what she'll do in
these lonely evening hours without you.
She'll be sitting right out here on this same
log with another mash, making as big fool
Of it as you are" Then he went out into the
darkness and came and told me what l have
written, and the two young hearts will read it
in these lines.
G. ''Do you mix anything with your can
dies ?r he asked, as he laid his money down
and picked Up package of gum drops.
"Well-ahem-a little glucose, perhaps. -
"Anything else 20
ItporkopS ift1o olav -