The Labor enquirer., 1882-12-23
take the grand bumper degree, and pa lafsd

buO ivy LII H~SsA%N;
was so improving to our intellect. We had
shutsthe goat up in closet in my room, and
he had got over battling, SO we took OF the
handkerchief, and he was eating some of my
paper collars and skate straps. We went up
stairs and told pa to come up pretty soon and
give three distinct raps, aad when we asked
him who was there he must say, a pllgarlc
who wants to join the ancient order and ride
the goat Ma wanted to come up too, but
we told her if she come in it would break up
the lodge, cause a woman couldn't keep
secret, and we didn't have any side saddle
for the goat. Say. if you never tried 1t, the
next time you initiate man IN your mason's
lodge, you sprinkle a little kyan pepper on
the goats beard Just before you turn him
loose. You can getthree times as much fun
to the square inch of a goat, You wouldn't
think it was the same goat. Well, we got all
fixed, and pa raped, and We left him IN and
told him ne must be, blindfolded, and he got
on his knees a lafing, and l tied towel
around his eyes, and then | turned him
around and made him get down on his hands
also, and then his back was right towards the
closet door, and | put the buck beer sign
right agin pas clothes. He was. lafiug all
the time, and said we boys we're full of fun
as they made 'em, and we told him it was
solemn occasion, and we wouldn't permit no
levity, and if he dind't stop laffng we couldn't
give him the grand humping degree. Then
everything Uss ready and my chum had his
hand on the closet door, and some kyan
pepper in his other hand, and [ asked pa in
low bass tones if he felt as though he wanted
to turn back; or if he had nerve enough to go
ahead and take the degree. warned him,
thatit was full OF dangers, as the goat was
loaded for beer, and told him he yet had
time to retrace his steps if he wanted to. He
said he wanted to have the whole bizuess,
and we could go ahead with the menagerie.
Then | said to pa that if he had decided to go
ahead, and not blame US for the consequences,
to repeat after me the following Bring forth
the royal bumper, and let hin bumpn Pa re-
peated the words, and my chum eprinkled the
kyan pepper on the goats mustache, and he
sneezed once and looked sassy, and then he
sees the lager beer goat raring up, and he
started for it, just like a COW catcher, and
batted. Pa is real fat, but he knew he got hit
and grunted, and said, 'Helrs fire, what you
boys don?' and then the goat gave him an.
other degree, and pa pulled off the tow6i and
got up snd started for the stairs, and so did
the goat, and ma was at the bottom Of the
stairs listening, and when I looked over the
banisters pa and ma and the goat were all in
heap, and pa was yelling murder, ma was
screaming fire, and the goat was blatting and
sneezing and bunting, and the hired girl
came into the hall. and the goat took after
her and she crossed herself just as
the goat struck her, and said -"Holy
mother protect mew and went down
stairs the way we boys slide down hill,
with both hands on herself, and the goat
rared up and blatted, and pa and ma went
into their room and shut their door, and then
my chum and me opened the front door and
drove the goat out. The minister, who comes
to see ma every three times week, was just
ringing the bell, and the goat thought he
wanted ia be nishisted, too, and gave him
one for luck, and then went down the side
walk, blatting and sneezing, and the minister
came into the parlor and said he was stabbed
and then pa came out of his room, WITH his
hanging down, aud he didn't
know the minister was there, and he said cuss
words and ma cried and told pa he would 60
to he'll, sure, and pa said he didn't care, he'd
kill that kussed goat before he went, and
told pa the minister was in the parlor and
he and ma went down and said the weather
was propiteous for revival and it seemed
as though an out tpourihg of the spirit was
about to be vouchsafed to His people, and
none of them set down but ma, cause the goat
didn't hit her, and while they was talking
religion with their mouths and kussen the
goat inwardly, my chum and me adjourned
the lodge, and | went and stayed with him
all night, and | hain't been home since. But
don't believe pa will lick me, cause he said
he would not hold US responsible for the con
sequences. He ordered the goat himself, and
we filled the order, don't you see? Well, l
guess l will go and sneak in the back way
and find out from the hired girl how the land
lays. She won't go back on me, cause the
goat was not loaded for hired girls. She9ust
happened to get in at the wrong time. Good
bye, sir. Remember and give your goat
kysn pepper in your lodge.
The boy went away and skipped over the
back fence.
The Sixth Hole.
From the San Francisco Truth.