The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1882-01-05
WIT OF THE DAY.
Pithy Paragraphs of the World
of HumOP.

Crafty girls like to sail on cOurt-ships
Always behind hand-the clock dial
A counter attractiOn-a pretty girl
clerk,
| When Santa Claus comes down the
chimney he scots the children.
| When an arm of the sea enciTcles a
neck of land, look out for fishing smacks.
! They are called, "hemming BEES" out
west, though they are nothing but the
! old sew-cities.
Goes with the male-a plug hat and a
| tobacco box Detroit ChaH. And a
wOman.-[ [Steubenville Herald.
1t seems that competition has forced
| the price of false teeth down so low that
| it isn't really worth bOdy's while to
cut his natural ones.
A man gathering mushrooms was told
| that they were poisonous. "Thank you" "
| he replied, 81 am not going to eat them
myself; | sell them at the hotel"
Fruits for histOrians-Dates. -Elevat-
ed Railway Journal. Fruit for the archi-
tect-The plum Hornet. Fruit for
eYerybOdy-Cu CurTant-see? - [FrankfOrd
Herald.
The late husband, when he finds that
some body has stolen the keyhOle out of
his door, and diffidently rings the bell,
knows exactly who 'The Coming WO-
man" is.
The editor of country paper remarks
that half the people who attend musical
entertainments in his town don't know
the difference between symphony and
a sardine."
Glow time changesr' exclaims a Yam
kee Journalistic; Gin the good old days it
was considered a miracle for an ass to
gpa1 Z. anI uryV ppt hin,r short pfa mi
Gle will keep one quiet"
Poverty is the mother of rest, An
editor is poverty. Therefore an editor
is the mother of rest, but he never gets
very we'll acquainted with his offspring
on this terrestrial sphere.
Rihemen would become dOubly expert
if they studied their Creed-mOOr.-
springfield (O) Sunday News. It's
strange what Old re-marks-men some
times make.-TOledO American. .
First old man: "LOsh, John, what's
this hear we've done? Hae ye ackwally
marrit again. Second old man: Deed
have 1; but, if my first wife had leeyed,
l wad never hae needed anither."
Little Artie came running in from the
field one day eXclaiming, MA. ma!
seed sufIin' down here that stlcked his
head right down his mOuf." nvestiga-
Tommy" said mother to her seven
yearOl boy, you must not interrupt
me when lam talking with lad es. You
must wait till we stop, and then you can
talk" But you never stop" retOrted
the boy.
What is the meaning of the word
'tantaliZing? please, maTm," spoke
up little Johnny HOlcOmb, lit means a
circus procession passing the school
house, and the scholars not allowed to
look out"
The poet says: "A kiss without a mus
tache, is like an egg without salt May
be it is, may be IL is; we can't say posi-
lively, for the girls we've been used to
kissing for the last twenty-five years
didn't wear mustaches.
A young English lady who is doing
the Alps, reports progress to her guar
dian: 81 tried to climb the MatterhOrn;
didn't reach the top. It's absurdly high;
everything is high in this country.
Please send me some money"
A shirt has two arms, the same as
pantaloons have two legs. Yet one is
called pair aud the other is only one.
Isn't it time that we let up on astronomy.
and paid more attention to the everyday
trifles that yex the clearest minds?
very little boy had climbed into his
mothers lap, and was rubbing his soft
cheek against hers. go dear mammaw
he said, ''shall have to be a man when
| grow up, and have old rough tiskers,
like papa? Shan't L never, never be
lady?"
When a Connecticut newspaper an
nOunces that ''the barn and contents of }
Mr.. Giles Potter were burned on Thurs
day night" one is naturally concerned
to know what Mr.. Potter had been eat !
ing and drinking, to make him so in
lammable." =
A young friend in California writes:
"AIy little brother having heard the bar
rem spots in the fields called 'alkili
spots came to mother one day, while an
old bald headed man was visiting here,
and said in a loud whisper, Mamma,
that man has an alkali spot on his head,
did you see itI"
A member of a rhetorical class in
certain college had just finished his dec
lamation, when the Professor said:
Mr.. --, do you suppose a general
would address his soldiers in the way
you spoke that piecer" "Yes, sir; do"
was the reply, ''if he was half scared
to DEATH"
Father" asked little Johnny, when
you was boy did you used to think
what a great man you would be when
you grew up?" 81 suppose So" said his
father, "why do you ask that?" 81 don't
know" replied Johnny, "Only heard
you say last night that life was full of
disappOintments; that was all"