Connecticut western news., 1882-08-02
THE L1ME.KILN CLUB.
A Lesson on Slang-Some Good Ad- vice-Goneral Notes.
From tbe Detroit Free Press.1

| From the Detroit Free Press.1
 elf Brudder Pizarro Grant am in de hall tonight he will please step ford, :" began the old man as.E Samuel Shin struck the triangle and sent it's quiver- ing notes along the ceiling.
 1 Brother Figaro was present, and he stepped, his eyes having squint of alarm and his knees losing their sand with every motion.
 ssBrudder Grant" continued the Presi- dent, 'syou am 8 young man on de doah-step of life; you war very tight pants an very short coat, an very narrow hat, and you look decidedly wretch .er -chee. De great world am befo' you. If you begin right no man dares bet two to one dat you won't sit in a Gobernor's char befo' you am 50. If you begin wrong it will be safe to bet 1,6OO to muffin dat you will bring up in de State Prison befo' you am ten y'ars older."
 "Yes, sah, Izs tryin' to start right, :" said Pizarro as Brother Gardner stopped to swallow pint of water.
 "I hope sol hope so, but I doubt it, Brudder Grant. Ize had my eyes on you fur some leetle time bcak. doan' fink you would lie or steal or burgler or forge, but you has fallen into one werry bad habit. De odder day you met a friend in front of my cabin. an when he axed if you war gwine on de excursion you replied dat you would gasp to gurgle.' On another occashun I heerd you remark dat you would 'mix to
 murmur.' Again you observed dat you
 would sigh to stifle.' Only an hour ago you told Waydown Bebee to cheese
 it, an you advised Pickles Smith to
 sbet his sweet life What does all these
 fngs mean, Brudder Grant?''
 ssI doan' know," replied the victim,
 as he stood on one leg and scratched his
 head.
 ssNor I, either. Ize looked up de
 Latin an French an German an Greek
 languages, but, can't find any sich ex.
 preshun as hire hall, see you in de
 graveyard or T should smile.' Why
 do you make use of 'em?"
 sI doan' know"
 ssDen stop it ! If plain English am
 not good huff fur you to 'spress youl
 thoughts in, parn Spanish or Chinese
 It am all right for sweet young ga
 who has been frew college to remark da she would litter to grin, but sicl
 'spreshuns doan' sound we'll comin' iron 8 young man. If should go home to
 night an tell my ole woman dat would perspire to eventuate, or Autograph t, animosity, she'd look me straight in d. eye fur thirty seconds an den woult come climax in which my hat, hea. :, an broomstick would be all mixed up l "Return to your seat, Brudder Grant go back an sot down wid determine tion to avoid slang an do your talkin squar' from de shoulder. When 70, , git tired of beef go into grocery an a:
 fur codfsh in plain English, an doan . use any mo- oratory dan am necessar, : to secure full weight an git rid of quarter wid a hole in it. We will no, 5 purceed to split de reg'lar order of biz , ness down de back an let out de sleeves. NOT TONIGHT. 3 Somebody hit Elder Toots in the nec with peach-stone, and he awoke an offered resolution to the effect ths 2 America enter her solemn protes $ against the action of the British i 8 Egypt.
 "De resolushun am entirely out ( order," replied the President, s f tossed it into the wood box. "Whs
 goes on ober de sea am none O ou 6 bizness tall. If de British want to lie a de Turks, or de Turks want to lick 9 British, dat's muffin to us. Elder Toots! ' "Yes, sah."
 k "Has you got cabbage patch di r y'ar?" l. "Yes, sah." 7 "Den you tend right to yer cabbae .o an let de British Government tend | a Egypt. When you cum to our meetin l. remember dat you have de asthma al 's dosn' try to talk too loud nor te l. much."
 2 The Elder sat down in one time an B. three motions, and in forty seconds hs le resumed his nap.
 l. WHITE AS SNOW. ~ The committee appointed to invest e gate the charge that the Rsv. Penstoc
 borrowed g. on his recent trip Sou and neglected to return it reported tn s: they had made thorough investigate su so of the charge and were glad to a 10 10 nounce that the brother was as whi ,n as snow and as clean as hotel butte g dish. It had been clearly shown th ss the Elder took $37 with him when sy left Detroit, and that he had over tive nr u ty cents upon his return. He h. he travelled mostly by freight, lived nu ed of the time on crackers and cheese, al SC had kept an intelligent account z. ,:n his expenses. The committee, the m mas fore, were unanimous in reporting tn
 Penstock was perfectly innocent, a d. that some vile wretch had assumed h. name and benign expression to !. ,.. great injury.
 mho m The report was received with. gr
 applause, at the end of which the r ke erened arose, placed his hand upon s. heart and bowed five times and sh or three tears.
 ny O. A Daughter of Ireland. 7e The late Miss Fanny Parnell was
 daughter of the late John Hel