The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-09-22


ticed i'll the gymnasium one afternoon
only was enabled to jump his board bill
the very next day.
TRAVELLING on Mississippi steam
boat is apt to make even the humblest
vain. When the boiler explodes all the
passengers are uplifted.
"CoME in and join me-" said Col.
Yerger to Hostetter McGinnis, a. they
happened to meet. Can think of il,
Colonel" why not?" well, I've
already had as much as is good for me,
and beside l swore off last week. -
Teras SJtings.
AN Austin boy who is very selfish,
and wants everything he sees, no matter
whether he has any use for it or not,
was seen with an umbrella hoisted. In
the name of common sense, boy, what
have you got that umbrella spread for
when there is neither rain nor sun
shine" "This is the only time can
get to use it. When it rains or shines
the old man is so mean he uses it him
self" Texas SJtialgs.
SHE said she wanted ticket to Wyan-
dotte and return, and the pale gentle
manly agent with the dark mustache
asked as he took up the pasteboards,
"Single?" at amt any of your BUSH
ness as / know" she responded tartly.
" / might have been married a dozen
times if I'd felt like providin' for
some poor shiftless wreck of MANI
He doesn't ask ladies If they want
single tickets any more, he's afraid to.
Detroit Post.
A FASHION item says that turkey red
sunshades are fast going out of style,
because shop girls have taken them up"
This is bad. Some oleomargarine
fashionables may soon discover that
shop girls wear frocks and shoes and
stockings, and then they will discard
these important articles of dress and
the streets will look as if all the ballet
girls in the country had escaped. Well,
it would be scandalous.-NOTr'ist
Herald.
DOUGLAS JERRoLD, being n very nerv-
Gus man, usually suffered torments Of
apprehension on the first representation
of any of his pieces. A brother dra-
matist-remarkable for his successful
specimens of "fair adaptation" or imita-
/
casion sought to rally the trembling
scribe by stating that he himself never
felt any nervousness on the first produc-
ton of his own pieces "Oh, my boy"
said Douglas, "but then you are always
so sure of success! Your pieces have
all been tried before
DETROIT Free Press arithmetic: A
has az overcoat for which he has
just paid $l8, and then his
wife trades it off for two red-clay busts
OF Andrew Jackson, worth 30 cents
each How much money will she get
from her husband to buy fall bonnet?
A man pays 30 cents for pound of
evaporated apples, and gets S14 news
paper-puff for sending them to an or
| phan asylum Does he make or lose,
and how much? How many peck
peach baskets, each holding six quarts,
will be required to hold seven bushels
of peaches, each bushel of which is
short four quarts"
A New YORKER took his friend, an
Irishman, to the theater. Immediately
in front of them sat young lady with
hat that measured several feet from
! tip to tip. When the curtain rose and
! the play began the two men could only
get occasional glimpses of the stage by
| lodging around the corners of the hat.
Finally the New Yorker observed test
lily: "Confound woman who has no
more sense than to wear such Swiss
cottage roof at place of public amuse-
ment!" $50 aisy," said the gallant
Celt; "a moighty convainyance she'd be
in hot climate where there were no
! trees"
THEY say woman can't keep Sc
cret," remarked Mrs. Finsbury, with
toss of the head II say it's SANDER.
Mrs. Smith told me to-day that the
Fendersons had had an awful time.
John came home last night in terrible
state, and Sarah declared she wouldn't
live with him another day; but they are
all made up again, and this morning
they were both as good as pie.
Mrs. Smith thought twas best not to
say anything about it, seeing as they'd
made up. She told me about 1t more'n
an hour ago, and haven't mentioned it
to soul. guess woman can keep q
secret as well as man." Every woman
in the room cried out most loyalty: "Of
course she can" 1t was only the men
folks who relaxed their features.
The Indian Summer.
Miss Woolson in "Annie" has this
pretty description of "the Indian sum-
mer" season.
If there is a time when the American
of to-day recalls the red-skinned men
who preceded him in this land he now
calls his own, it is during those few days
of stiffness and beauty which bear the
name of the vanished race. Work is
over in the fields. They are ready for
their winter rest. The leaves are gone.
The trees are ready, too. The last red
apple is gathered. Men and the squir-
rels together have CLEANED the last nut.
There is nothing more to be done; and
he who with delicate imagination
walks abroad, or drives slowly slong
country roads, finds himself thinking, in
the stiffness, of those who roved over
the same ground not many years ago,
and, tardily gathering in at this season
their small crops of corn beside the