Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-03-16
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


Astronomers now fay there are seven
spots On the face Of the sun. They'll
have Old Sol down sick with the small
po1 before long, il they don't look ont.
"Fath,r, did YOU ever have another
wife besides mother" "So, my boy;
what possessed you to ask such ques-
tiou2 "B scause sav in the old
family Bible where You married Ammo
Domini, in 1885, and that isn't mother"
"Gentlemen OF the jury" said a
blundering counsel, in a suit about lot
Of hogs, "tbere were jus, thirty-siI in
the drove. Please remember the fact
thirty-siI hogs; Just three times as many
as in that jury box, gentlemen" That
counsel didn't gain his case.
Precedence and age-There is q story
Of Solomon not contained in the Book
Of Kings." Two OF his court dansels
had q row as 10 precedence. Solomon
Looked kindly, and said: " Let the old
est 90 first" and the damsels embraced
and went in together with entwined
arms.
q" You told me, sir, that the horse was
entirely without fault, and yet lie is
blind" The dealer looked blandly
into the irritatcd countenance Of the
loser by the transaction and said with
charming innocence: al do not regard
blindness as a fault, sir; il is a mis-
fortune"
A girl went into q general furnishing
store, and stepping mp TO pale, intel
lectual- looking young man behind the
nearest counter, asked him il he would
be kind enough TO fit her with pair
Of gloves. The high. browed AtheniAn
glanced at her hands and then calling
70 a cash boy who was compounding
spit-balls at the opposite counter, said:
Here, Pete, show this young lady to
the pillow-case department"
"Ob, papa" said little Tommy, the
other day, "didnt you say there was
nothing new under the sun ?" Eyes,
nv boy, the philosoph srs say So"
"Well. look under me-" went on the
young hopeful, getting up on the old
gcntleman's bran new silk hat, THAT
is something new under the son, amt
ityT The next thing the boy knew
there was something old under the son,
and it was his fathers boot, with foot
in it.
"There. there. don't cry any more"
said the kind hearted stranger to lit
tie girl who was leaning against the
railing in front Of q public school
house, weeping as if her heart would
break. "Tell rs what's the matter"
The child turned two highly inhamed
orbs up at the old Samaritan, and then
stammered between her sobs: "All the
girls in my class were vaccinated last
week, and mines the only one that
hasn't took"
"There are two sides to everything"
said the lecturer. :" 1 repeat it, there
are two sides" At this iuncture =
tired looking little man stood up in the
front seat 10 say: Well, If you've no
objection, I will just step out and see
II there are two sides TO this hall. I
know there is an inside, and il I find
there is an outside. you'll know il by
me not coming back. Yon needn't be
alarmed II shouldn't return" And as
he walked up the aisle he was followed
by the admiring eyes of the whole au-
dience. Their sympathies were with
him, but .hey were deficient in moral
courage.
10 Won want receipt for that terrible mystery
Known 10 the world as boarding house hAshl
Take remnants Of meals now passed into his
tory,
Pulverize down 10 indigcsiibie mAsh.
Pieces Of grisfic and bits of.old calico,
little whit leather not chopped very fine;
An old rubber shoe that wouldn't make " hAr-
loot"
Chunks Of cold tasers AMI rusty fork tine.
Occasi nal chicken bones, picked down 10
audity.
A slice of raw onion to season its eradity.
Several shirt buttons and hairpin OF two
such an inierminable mixup viii certainly do
Hash, hash. hash, hash
win : pair Of old oveTail-. and plenty of
iiavarinz.
A little cold liver vi h bit Of IT, gall.
Eat af this compound without ynar faith
wAvcringg
Ohi boarllng-houso hash i The sum Of il all
--Ness Harsa Register.