News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-02
WIT AND WISDOM.
The childhood shows the man, aa

IHE most marked dlHefence DebW6eu
a rogue and an honest man is that the
former wears the best clothes.
BEAUTY and Bashfulness are often
united. Yet the prettiest maiden is ad-
mired for her cheek.
PROHIBITION IN Iowa: The prohibit
ory law is terrible shock to Iowa
: drunkards. Itquite takes their breaths
away.
GEORGIA has some cork trees large
enough to cut and use, but there is no
demand for corks in that State. The
popular fashion is to use corn cob to
stop a jug.
= If anybody ever longs to be Million
aire, it is the youth who treats his girl
, to soda water, and then finds he has mis-
taken button in his pocket for dime.
Team Oddities.
WHEN real shrewd Virginia farmer
wants big tree chopped down and cut
up, he tells the neighbors that there's
coon in it and they'll have it down in
ten minutes. Boston Post.
A NEW COLOR is called "four O'Clock"
IF it's the color of a mans nose as he
goes meandering home about four
o'clock in the morning, it must be
mighty brilliant shade of red. Boston
Post.
NOTHING annoys the keeper of rail-
road restaurant more than to have one
customer ask in rather loud tone of
another: "Have you ever tried plating
war ships with this kind of sandwichesP 2
Boston Post.
ONE reason why they call it the har-
vest moon is because it appears about
six weeks after the floods or droughts
have reduced the yield of the harvest
down to the point where nobody cares
whether there is moon or not.
THERE is nothing like SETTLING down."
said the retired merchant confidently to
his neighbor. ''When / gave up busi-
ness 1 settled down, and found had
quite comfortable fortune. If had
settled up I should not have had cent"
Mrs. BANKS, an Indiana woman,
bought some poison for rats, wrote the
word "poison" on it four times, hid it
on the top shelf in the pantry, and yet
the hired girl used it for baking powder
within week.-DetroH Free Press.
ga NOVICE is one who is just begin
ming, isn't it, pa ?" "Yes, my dear. Why
do you ask ?'' ''Oh, thought the baby
was little the smartest novice in cry
ing ever saw" "Oh, well, babies are
born adopts at that, confound 'em."-
Boston Globe.
THE man who has been lifelong
subscriber to paper, and who never
misses reading every line of every issue,
invariably begins his reply to an article
with: ''My attention having been called
to an item in your issue of the -th,"
etc.
A VISITOR to a baby show down in
Maine thus sums up his conclusions
"For pure, unadulterated foolishness
about a baby, father can 'outfoolish
all the rest of the family-yes, and
will throw in the grandmother on the
mothers side, too"
A BOOK of three hundred and fifty
pages has been written to prove that
sharks do not eat human beings. The
author of the work has declined an offer
of 81, 900 to jump into the harbor at
Key West and settle the dispute.-De-
troit Free Press.
THE excuse that an Iowa young man
makes for having engaged to marry two
girls is that, knowing the fickleness OF
the sex. he supposed that one or the
other would JfIt him, and he wanted 60
be sure of a wife, But neither proved
untrue, and, on his choosing between
them, the rejected one brings suit for
damages.
The artist watched the forest,
Aglow with gold and red,
And, in a burst of rapture.
Most gushingly he said,
81 like this dreamy picture,
1t makes my soul elate-
Twill bring me twenty dollars
When painted on plate"
Puck.
A LOVING PoPULAoE: First Russian
officer-''Do you think the coronation
will pass off peacefully ?" Second ditto
/ am sure it will. The
czar was never more popular than he is
at this moment Why, the people are
ready to exalt him to the Skies" First
know but they may do it
with dynamite. "-French Fun.
"YoU advertise that there is fine
stream of water on the place, but don't
see it." remarked stranger who want
ed to rent the place. The landlord said:
s'Just work that pump-handle little
and you Will see fine stream OF water.
You don't expect to have the Niagara
Falls on the place for $15 a month, do
you ?"-7'eras Siftings.
A LITTLE Rock newspaper man while
out in the country stopped at a rude farm
house for dinner. Thinking that his
profession would insure extra attention,
he remarked to the farmer Needn't
put yourself to extra trouble for me, for
| am an editor" ga what ?" asked the
farmer, regarding the visitor with newly
awakened interest. "A newspaper man.
''Wall, I reckon you can git suthing to
eat anyhow. Some folks mout not gin
you nothin on this account, but Inever
was very particular. But, hold on.
Editor did l understand you to say p
eyes, sir, am an editor, and, however
it may strike you, 1 must
say that 1 am proud of my calling.
'III bet 800 that you are one of the
fellows that helped to take hell outen
the Bible. Reckon you'd better travel.
Never mind that corn-bread and butter
milk, julie"
A Bad Set.
There is a class of agents in this city,
says New York paper, whose methods
Of turning dishonest penny consist In
or manufacturing business
for certain lawyers. Whenever and
Ga,lNk