The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-01-13
spOOpendyke in the Role of a Sports.

man.
eSay, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, as he drew a gun from tie case
and eyed it critically, g want you to
wake me up early in the morning. I,m
going shooting"
Isn- that too sweet I" calculated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "I'll wear my dress
and my Saratoga waves. Where do we
go?H
I'm going down to the island, and
you'll go as far as the front door,
grunted Mr.. SpoopendYke. Women
don't go shooting. It's only men. All
You've ooi to do IS TO wake me up and
get 4 - ki.lSt When i come home we II
Z have s6fss birds.
Vgon't that be nice p chimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke. sfCan you catch birds
with that tling?" and Mrs. Spoopendyke
huttered asound the improved breech
loading shd gun, firmly impressed with
the idea that 1t was some kind of a trap.
81 can Kill 'em with this, exclaimed
Mr.. Spoopeldyke "This is a gum my
dear it isn't a nest with three sPeckled
eggs in it, nor is 1t a barn with hole in
the roof. You stick the cartridge In here
and pull tbs fuger-piece, and down
comes your bird every time.
Isn't tha' the greatest thing I sup
pose If You don't want partridge you
can stick dick or "a turkey IN that end,
too, or a fish or a lobster, and bring 1t
down just as quick.
Eyes, or you can stick a house or a
cornfeld, or q dod gasted female idiot
In there, too, if you want to ~ snorted
Mr.. SpOopenCEke. "WhO SAID anything
about partridge? It's a cartridge that
goes IN there.
"Oh 20 ejasulated Mrs. Spoopendyle,
rather crestiRlen. d" l see now. Where
does the bird go?"
1t goes to night school, if he hasn't
got any more sense than you have,
snorted Mr.. 5poopendyke. ''Look here,
now, and IN show you how IT works,
and Mr. Spoopendyke, whose ideas of
gun were about as vague as those of ms
wife, inserted the cartridge half way IN
the muzzle end, and cautiously cooked
the weapon
"And when the bird sees that he
comes and pecks II Isn't that the fun
niestl" and Mrs. Spoopendyke clapped
her hands in the enjoyment Of her dis
covery. "Then you put out your hand
and catch him r.
you've struck itw howled Mr..
Spoopendyle, who had the hammer on
the half cock and was yainly pulling at
the trigger to get it down. That's the
idea All Won need is four feathers and
a gas bin to be a marhugale With
your notions you only want new stock
and steam trip hammer to be needle
gun. Don't you know the dOd gasted
thing has to go off before you get a bird
You shoot the birds you don't wait for
EN- to shoot you -
"At home we used always to chop
their heads off with an AK, % taItered Mrs.
SpOopendyke.
so W+,uId 7 if was going after
measly old hens. " retorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, who had managed to uucock the
contrivance, but when [ go for yellow
birds and sparrows / go ike a sports
man. While I'm waiting for q bird, .
continued Mr.. Spoopendyke, adjusting
the cartridge at the breech, Il put the
load in here for safety, and when l see a
flock l aim and fire. "
Bang went the gun, knocking the
tall feathers out of an eiGht-day clock
and blowing a foot furrOw in the wall,
perforating the closet door and culminat-
ing in Mr.. Spoopendyke's plug hat
Goodness, graclous y squeaked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, ." Oh, my p
Mr.. Spoopendyke gathered himself up
and contemplated the damage.
" Why couldn't We keep still ~ he
shrieked. What'd ye want to disturb
my aim for and make me let it Off?
Think l can hold back a charge of pow
der and pound OF shot while a measly
woman Is soaring it through a gun bar
rel p
eff It had been a bird how nicely YOU
would have shot II y suggested Mrs.
Spoopendyke, soothingly. "f you
should ever aim at bird you'd catch
him sure.
ooh, YOU know what 1 could do
With your information about gunnerY
you only need a wad in. your mouth and
a kick like a mule to be a mountain
howitzer! IF had your intelligence on
sporting subjects I'd hire out for a shot
tower. Don't you know you've spoiled
the dod gasted gun ?" And Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, anxious for some excuse to take
1t back to his friend Specklewottle, who
loaned it to him, held 1t out and eyed his
wife sternly. You've ruined that gun, -
he continued, solmnly. Z" 1t won't ever
go off again.
- Never mind, dear" consoled Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "It's been off enough,
and I'd Just as lief have some CLAIMS as
birds. You 90 to bed, and Wen try to
do without any birds. y
q 1t won't never go off again, - repeated
Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he climbed into his
couch 'That is ruined gun, and he
turned his face to the wall.
Mrs. Spoopendyke slowly disrobed,
having at first turned a stream of water
into the gun from the faucet, and betook
her to rest. 1T may not 60 of again,
she thought, "but if it does the neigh
bors will think the water main has burst,
with which reflection she began to pat
the ear of Mr.. Spoopendyke, who turned
over like an earthquake, and wanted to
known if she thought she hadn't done
enough mischief without lamming him
like dod gasted blacksmith.