Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-08-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

WOMAN is the idol that man worships.
And the more idle she is the more he
worships her.-BOstOn Folio.
GREELEY revised "Go West, young
man, and blow up with the country"
This revision is touchingly appropriate
A WOMAN, lately, looking at printing
press at work, turned to her companion
and in a most earnest manner inquired:
"Well, Charley, an them's the things
as writes the papers. Be's them what
they call editors ?"-Denver Hello.
"WHAT ails you ?" asks Jones, of q
notoriously poor actor whom he met the
other day, "you look i'll" 80 l am:
The doctor says my liver don't act. ="
Remarkable likeness between you and
your liver" said Jones.
AN IRISH corporal, who now and
then indulged, was thus accosted by his
captain, while standing at ease: "Pat,
what makes your nose so red p " Phase,
yer honor" said Pat, 81 always blush
when 1 spakes to an officer"
The liver pad agent asked Missouri
editor to give him 800 worth of ad-
vel tising and take his pay in liver pads,
and the editor was very emphatic in his
inquiry: "What sort of condition do
you think my liver is in, sir ?"-Boston
Post.
OLD gentleman Cooking at very
bob-tailed horse): "Bless me how
short they have cut his tail" Attend
ant ellis master is q member of the
Society for the Protection of Animals,
sir. In this fashion he will not annoy
the poor flies"
"YoU write beautiful hand. wish
that 1 had such hand" said Mr..
Flasher, to a lady clerk at the hotel.
cam to consider this as proposal ?"
asked the bright lady. "Well-er-yes
If my wife is willing to let me off,
replied the accomplished Flasher.
A POPULAR concert singer, advertised
to participate in an entertainment IN a
Missonri village, excused her absence
on the ground of having a cold in the
head; the next day she received the fol-
lowing from an admirer: "Thiz IL
gouse greze; melt 1t and rub it on the
brige of yore noz until kured. l luv
you to distraxshun.
"How DO you feel with such a
shocking coat on ?" said young dandy
to old Roger. 81 feel" said old Roger,
looking at him steadily with one eye
half closed, as if taking aim at his
victim. "I feel," young man, as if ]
had a coat on which I had paid fora
luxury of feeling which j think you
have never experienced"
A MAN will work twenty-five minutes
trying to light the fuse of sky rocket,
without frowning. Strange as it may
seem, this Is contrary to all human ex-
perience with kitchen fires. The average
man will frown hard at the end of the
first five minutes wrestle with the
latter, and at the end of the second five
the frown will become audible.
"FATHER," he suddenly remarked, as
he looked up into the paternal face,
"you are awful good to ma" Gam :?
Well, hope L treat her as husband
should devoted wife" 'And it's all
over town how liberal you are to her."
Chow; what do you mean ?" why,
heard three or four men on the car
say that all you had in the world was in
her name p es-ahem-yes-you
get to bed, sir; and next time you hear
people lying about me don't listen to
what they say l''-Va Street Ne'os.
A NEW view: "Well, we'll, what
makes you so glum this morning? ?
What's happened ?" was the sympathetic
greeting which met a citizen the ether
morning. Everything has gone to
pieces. I've lost $15,000 in the last
three months" Goodness How I
envy you." envy me?" was the
astonishing inquiry. "Why certainly.
You must have had it to lose" This
put retrospective view OF the case IN
a new light and they went down the
walk putting their cigars slowly.-Ne'0
Hacen Register.
THE JAFFA AND JERUSALEM RAILROAD.
A little double iron track,
A station here, station there,
locomotive, tender, tank,
coach with patent swinging chair;
postal car and baggage, too.
platform of the Miller make,
With buffer, duffer, chain, and spike,
And nobby automatic brake;
Such is the pride of Orient hordes,
And Syria's brightest modern gem,
The railroad train that snails along
'rwixt Jaffa and Jerusalem.
Beware. O sacred Mooley COW,
The engine when it rings its bell J
| Beware. y camel, when you hear
The whistles sharp and warning swell
And, native of the Holy Land,
Unused to modern travels snare
And soothcd by guieful taffy talk,
The awful peanut boy beware I!
| Else, Trusting to his words and wares
Thou may'st have reason to condemn
The style of traffic that prevails
'Twixt Jaffa and Jerusalemi
And when, ah when the bonds fall due.
How vexed and wroth will wax the State;
| From Nebo's mound to Nazereth
The cry will sound, "repudiate !"
| From Hebron to Tberius,
From Jordan bank unto the sea,
Will swell the chorus loud and long,
Against that - monopoly.
| The horny-handed shepherd swain.
Oppressed by bonded stratagem,
| Will curse that corporation liue
'Twixt Jaffa and Jerusalem.
| Denver Tribune.
| pomauoa i'm NutShall