The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-01-27
WHY WE LAUGH.
The actor plays for money; but he doe.
not like to be called agambler.-New Or
teons Picay,me

The actor plays for money; but he doe.
not like to be called gambler.-New Or
leons Picayme
The man who was srocked in the cradle
Of the deep" must have slept between sheets
of water.-Oa City Derrick.
81 don't like that cat. It's got splinters
in her feet! !" was the excuse of four year
| old for throwing the kitten away.
An advertiser in Texas calls for "an in
| dustrious man, as a boss hand over 5000
head Of sheep that can speak Spanish fluent
ly."
| The careless man and the thief are equal
ly troublesome. Neither of them ever leave
anything where he finds it, Courier Jour
nal.
A st. Louis girl has slept continuously
for fsur months. Probably there's nothing
in that town worth waking up to see-Bos-
ton Post, ..a..
Since the wreck Of the Newark bank the
James brothers feel that a greater than they
has arisen in the land.-N. Y. Commercial
Adeertiser.
Syracuse has female architect" Nor
ristown hasn't female architect, but she
has more than one designing wonan.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
| When List became an able q German
paper prophesied that upon the death Of
Pope Pho Mono, Liszt would succeed him as
Pope Pianino.
In the mountains: "Marquis, come with
me to watch the sunset" The Marquis
(kindly smiling): Thanks but l saw it
yesterday."-Le Figaro.
A pieasantry attributed TO NJ. Thiers:
"When was very young was so little-so
little-that | needed pole TO knock down
the strawberriss.--Le Figaro.
A satirical slave says that tenors usually
put on more airs than they sing. When the
water supply gets los many people make it
an excuse for getting high.-Boston Courier
Mustaphs Bey, the ruler Of Tunis, bought
100000 umbrellas while in Paris. He is
bound TO have one aro-nd when wanted.
Mustapha Is evidently preparing for long
reign.
A gentleman friend had thirty-two teeth
taken cut the other day without pain, and
no snesthetic of any kind was used. "False?'
you say. Yes, they were false.-Boston
Transcript.
Dallas paper referring to coming the.
atrical troupe, says, "Prepare for treat ,
There is no occasion TO publish any such
note of warning; up In Dallas they are al.
ways ready to trsat.-Teras SJftings.
Professor Cunning, up In Michigan, is
lecturing on "After Man, What?" A Fort
Wayne editor. who has been there, rises tc
remark that it IS " generally the Sheriff ol
some wensn."-Briington Hdrkeye.
TIL. growing custom of wearing mourning
for deceased sweetheart should be discour
aged. When half . dozen different girls
suddenly appear in black at young man.
funeral the situation is embarrassing. Phil
Ne,cs.
I A writer on the etiquette Of gestures saw
smile and an inclination of the head viii
often convey more meaning than volumes
Dan McGsry says that in Austin 1t mean
the conveyance Of ten cents out of his pocke
every tims.-Teras SJtings.
A new religious sect in Minnesota ar,
called the Drsamers, and they have q dream
interpreter, and are governed in their con
duct by their dreams. Cheese and mncs pi
distributed at night would break up tn
whole church.-N. o. Picdyune.
Inquirer.-Does mans size vary? Yes
sir; we've seen man In barrooom treat
ing the crowd, and he was the biggest ma,
. in town until ais mothar-in-law came Ii
, snd led him ont by the ear, then he was
+ very fine little fellov.-Boston Post.
: Two children are playing together in
garden. The little sister says to her littl
brother, Which would you rather bs. lit
: tie flower or little bird?" The youn
man. after minutes reflection, "A littl
bird-because it eats !"-Pdris Paper.
Emory Storrs recently delivered lectur
at Lewiston, H., on "The Good OIL
Times" The Chicago Journal remarks tha
Mr.. Storrs has had IS many good old time
as any man In Illinois, bat 1t doubts vhethe
he revealed all that he knows On the subject
Queen Victoria once wrote leader fo
the London Times. As she has never writ
ten another it Is supposed the type.sette
made her say, instead Of +" the sun never set
on the British deminions," the gun neve
rests on the blighted Dominicans. ."-Cour
journal.
: James Quinn, of Bridgeport, was accident
ally shot through the foot by the dischsrg
of friends gun. The Standard says tn
/ charge tore hole in the fost six inches |
: diameter. This will give the reader an ide
, Of The tonnage Of the Bridgeport fost.--Ddr
: bury Netcs.
I He blew out his brains after bidding hl
$ wife goodbye with gun" Erected to th
$ memory of John Phillips, accidentally she
a as mark Of affection by his brother" a
piano for sale by lady about to cross th
= channel in an oak case with carved legs
a DR.. Hodyson's Errors In English.
They were conversing the other day abou
q common friend, when Butterfly sait
$ "Poor fellow, he's got the munps." $50
ry to near it," replied Guilty; "can't he g.
anything for thsms" "Well, no." 81
swered Butterfly, without blush, "there
no market for thsn now."-Boston Courie
These are the sort of 81 ads" the Reno pi
: pcrs publish at five cents line: "Lucc
Markham's Headquarters Saloon is now prt
vided with all the popular games-ken'
high-ball, faro, twenty -one, etc. Every gam
run on the dead square. Fortunes won
an hour. Go in and see."-Detroh Ere
Press.
"What do you mean by disturbing ne |
. this hour Of the night ?" said an Austin do
tor angrilY to . negro who woke him at thre
! o'clock in the morning. al jess allowe'
= h~s. HI vnr uos an ht,sv dat var didn,t hs