The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1882-12-15
VARIETIES.

One, indeed: Observation-Disclosures en-
ploy you must ask "Have you q lover p y
Servant maiden-"One? should SMILE"
Cards supplied A Cortland man who
read at the end of friends marriage notice
'No cards." sent him a euclne deck by the
| first mail
The blind fiddler: Jess-"It's wonder
hoo he can see tae dot and him stone bin p
Jock-"He disna need tae sect lass He hears
'twi' his fingers"
The whole pork or nothing; Mistress
"Were you baptised, Kezah, when you were
named?" Maid-"Law, ma'am, we don't
baptize in our church; we immerge"
There is great difference in the consti.
tuition of people. Some, for example, delight
TO get up with the lark, while others find
it extremely difficult to get up even after a
lark.
The boarding house turkey: "When
dem ar foteen boarders gets. fru wild dat tllr-
key, Clarinda, pears to me dar will be mighty
little lef fur us to 'spress our thankfulness
ODER"
Starting in business A tramp applied
to n citizen of Austin for a nickel to buy a
loaf of bread. Cant you go into any bust
ness that is more profitable that this?" "l'd
like to open bank if only could get the
tools" was the candid reply.
"A man in Clayton county, Georgia, has
wonderful COW. She is so small that one
man can carry her; but no one mau can car
ry the product of one milking" There are
hundreds of just such cows in Chicago res
taurants, but here they are called "hydrants"
thtcagO Ne,oS.
AN cid lady in the country had dandy
from the city to dine with her on certain
occasion. For dessert there happened to be
an enormous apple pie?" LA ma'am," said
he, chow do you manage to handle such q
pe" easy enough" was the reply" we
make the crust up in wheelbarrow, wheel
it under an apple tree, and then shake the
fruit down into it,"
"A good story is told of q young man
who consulted an old gentleman, who had
been very successful in business, as to the
best business in which to engage. In an
swer to the question "What had | best do ?"
the old man replied "Stick." The young fell
low explained that he wished to know what
he had best do to make money. Again he
was told "Stick." "Stick at what :" was
asked. ooh, that is a matter of little conse-
quence. Take almost any line of business
you like; but stick to it,"
The counsel for the railroad company
has been settling with the widows of two
guards who had been killed in the company's
services. ooh, sir" says one widow, ait
seems to me that you could allow me more
than that" eve cannot, madame. Your
husband was guard, Ike the other, and he
came to his death under similar circum-
stances they were both run over and instant.
ly killed" 81 know, but he was run over by
the lightning express and the other man was
run over by way freight"
-Woman's intuition: An Austin candi-
date, who had a number of negroes employed
on his place, had an old musket in the house
which had been loaded for about three years.
As he wanted to load up for ducks he called
Jim, one of the negroes, to take the gun out
into the yard and fire it off. mo, don't let
Jim fire that gun off. He is going to vote
for you tomorrow, and the gun may burst
and kill him. Tell Jake to take the gun and
fire it off. I've got my doubts about how he
is going to vote y exclaimed the candidates
wife, with the quick intuition of woman.
Not long ago an old pioneer, who had
lived in Texas in the early days of the colo
nists, was Boosting of the good old times =
why, sir" said he, II was offered league
of land for pair of old boots" Didn't you
take it Z" said the party he was talking to-
mo, sir; didn't" mo account land,
reckon" "Why, bless your heart, sir, it was
the best piece ofland outdoors. Grass five
feet high, clear stream of water running
through it and an undeveloped silver mine in
one corner. ""And why in thunder didn't you
make the trade?" said the other. Because"
said the old man, in sad and regretful tone
of voice, "because II didn't have the
bOOts.n