The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-02-08
A Modern Primer.


! I.--See the lamp-post. BY it
dim rays you can behold the electri,
light across the street. There j. {
man leaning against the lamp-post
Perhaps the lamp-post would fall i
it We're not for the man. At any
rate the man would if it were not
for the lamp-post. What is the
matter with the man? He appears
Idisqiieted. He Is trying to work
his boots up through his mouth. He
| will have headache to morrow and
| lay it to the climate.
! 1.-The girl is scratching her
back against the dooi. She has been
eating buckwheat cakes. Her beau
thinks she is delicate, but he has
never seen her tackle a plate OF hot
cakes on Il frosty morning. Cakes
had better roost high when she il
around. If We were the girl we
would wear sand paper lining in the
dress, and not be making hair
brush out of the poor door.
IiI.-Here we have a baby. tits
composed of bald head and pair
of lungs. One of the lungs takes a
rest while the other runs the shop.
One of them is always on deck all
of the time. The baby is bigger
man than his mother He likes to
walk around with his father at
niga 3 The father does most OF the
walking and all Of the swearing
Little Girls, you will never know
wha, j. is TO be a father
lE.-Ihe peach is hard and green.
He is waiting for child to come
along and eat him. When he gets
into the child's little stomach he
will make things hot for that child.
The child who eats the peach will
be an angel before he gets q chance
to eat another. If there we're no
green peaches there would not be so
many cih'.irei's sizes of harps in
heaven.
V.-Beh, d the printer. He is
looking for pickup Of a halfa line.
He has beei ..uuting for two hours.
He could have set the half line in
twenty seconds. but it is matter OF
principle with him never toset what
he can pick Vi. The printer has a
hard time. He has to set type all
night and play Pedro for the beer
all day. We would like TO be a
printer il il were not for the night
work
VI.-This is ,he man who has
had notice in the paper. He i.
stepping higher than u blind horse
Ii he had wings he would fly. Next
week the paper will say the man is
a measly old fraud and the man viii
not step so high.
VII.-This sorry spectacle is a
plumber. He is ragged and cold
and hungry. He is very, very poor.
When you see him next spring he
will be very, very rich, wear dia-
monds and broadcloth. His wife
takes in washing now but viii be
able to move in the first circles by
the time the weather gets warmer
and the pansies bloom again.
VIII.-Here is castle. 1t is the
home of an editor. 1t has stained
glass windows aud mahogany stair
ways. In the front of the castle is
park. Is it not sweet. The lady
in the park is the editors wife. She
wears rich robe of velvet trimmed
with gold lace, and there are pearls
and rubies in her hair. the editor
sits on front stoop smoking a Ha-
vana cigar. His little children are
playing with diamond marbles on
the tresselated floor. The editor can
afFord to live in style. He gets sew
enty-fve dollars a month wages
IX.-Here We have peice OF
chewing gum. 1t is white and
sweet. Chew it awhile and then
stick it on the underside of the man
tie piece. The hired girl will find j,
there and chew it awhile herself,
and then put ii back. In this way
one piece ofgum will answer for u
whole family. When the gum is no
good. put it ii, the rocking chair FOR
the minister or your sisters beau 10
sit upon.
Kit is a piece of tripe. When
it has been fried the man will eat it.
Then he will go to bed ard dream
of his mother-in-law and other aw-
full things. Tripe is nice to eat just
before YOU want to die Little chill
dren never eat any kind of meat ut
supper unless they want 10 dream
of getting spanked Denrer Ir.-