Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1882-11-16
MARK TWAIN ExERCusEs.

MARk TWAIN EXERCJsEs.
The genial humorist who sits ND aloft
ON the peak of East Hill and from his
elevated perch looks down upon Elmira
ior ms inspiration in counting the comic
muse. has been somewhat out of health
th's summer. Sitting one day at his
study window nursing a little rheuma-
t!sm, gazing far away over the graceful
city below him and wondering whether
there was ono man within its limits who
could knock the spots of him ON q game
OF billiards, he was interrupted BY the
arrival Of the family physician, Who
called to make Q visit.
Into his sympathetic ear vas poured
the tale Of the humorist's woes, and
after moments consultation he ~
marked, "Clemsns, what you need Is
exercise" With a look Of gentle re-
proach, which soon changed to anxious
innocence, the hero Of many an expert.
ence in rouRhing it Tin pictures) and
tramps at home and abroad ION paper
made reply: "Well, that's all right.
that's all right, but who's going to do it
for me? You see," he continued, 'the
men on the place are all busy, and the
children amt big enough to accomplish
anything, and" "You must do Il
yourselfr' was the professional stop put
to this demur. do it myself? How in
thunder do you expect-why, what can
dot There amt good poker player
on this hill, and the hammock broke
down yesterday, so l can't use that"
mo, no." interrupted the doctor, ''you
must have active exercise; something
that looks like work, you know. You
can walk down town, or swing dumb
bells, or chop wood, Or" Hold ON,
you've struck il" exclaimed Marx; I'm
chop w0od!' BEST thing you could
d." said the doctor, a. be took his
leave. at brings into play so many
varied muscles, expands the chest, deep
ems the inspiration and superinduoes a
more bountiful oxygenation by the
beautiful process of endOsmOsis and ex-
osmosis, and hence the red corpuscles
Here. have cigar" said Twain, push
ing box before him, land let up on
Moses" "You mustn't smoke, you
know" the doctor said, as no picked
out q weed. "Oh, no, I've stopped smok-
ing" was the reply, a. he carefully
placed a sheet Of paper over three old
stumps and brisr pipe; 81 found it
disagreed with our family long ago."
The doctor departed, and Clemens,
with the glow of renewed health already
shining in anticipation on his brow,
took one of the farm hands from the
harvest field, and sent him to town after
q new axe. He returned with the tool,
bright bladed, sharp edaed, and spent
twenty minutes trying to explain to the
bewildered author why the handle was
made crooked, and that tho red label was
intended to advertise the makers name.
swell, but didn't they send any direc-
tions with it?'' was the anxious inquiry.
How do you suppose an inexperienced
person can load and fire that thing
without rules"
Finally, thinking he had the hang of
the thing. Clemens had the man hitch
up and drive him up the road about q
mile to piece of woods, the axe care
fully wrapped in an old coat, SO that no
one should be hurt by it. The members
of the family went with him to look for
flowers and berries while he chopped.
Arriving at the desired spot, he care
fully took out the axe, unwrapped the
old coat, and laid the tool down beside
the stump of dead pine. The family
wandered away, picked one or two flow
ers, and then hastened back, as they
heard him shouting their names.
I've done enough for today" he said,
as they came near. They saw four bis
tiers on his hands and piece Of new
leather shining on one Of his boots, but
no wood lying around. However, they
said nothing. and went home, the hired
man carrying the axe.
That evening, sitting on the piazza,
rubbing arnica ON his hands, he said:
Its hard work, but Pm going to keep
it up. It's splendid exercise, and Just
see how it has built up other great men!
Why, you know Greeley prolonged his
life many years by choppinR at Chappa-
qua, and Gladstone is alive, and making
things hot in Egypt by reason Of the
beneficial results of an hours chOppiug
each day. You just wait month and
see me! I'll be able to fight Tug Wilson,
and row with Haplan and Out-talk
Beecher."
All this was several weeks ago. A few
days since Clemens noticed his new axe
lying where he had left it on the return
from his initial trip, its brightness
changed to reproachful rust: Con-
science smote him. He would resume
exercise. He would attack anew the
monarchs of the forest. He would 40
QUlIo IuuhCjes OO uo IudkCuoQ 1OE Tue
same piece of woods, and began opera
tons on the old pine. But few min
utes had elapsed before sturdy six
f0oter appeared on the scene, and tho
following cOlloquy ensued:
Nov, you skin right out o. here, dunn
quick, young man! These is my woods,
and you'll learn to let peoples property
alone after I've got through with ye!
Git, now!'
Searching on his brow for An imagi-
nary bead Of sweat, Twain glanced du-
biously at the enraGed bucolic, and
said. well, wh-what-seems-to be-
the matter with your"
70 Mat I'll show IL dunn S ysi T T.
- are you cutting it for?''
"Why, for exercise, that's all. The
doctor said"
ooh, that's too thin! Exercise! You
look like q man that would do anything
for exercise! Now, with renewed en-
elRy,) yOu get right out o. here! Right
out" and the farme. made threatening
advances.
"But. but, look here my good man!
You don't know who ! am. You are
talking to A."
xc0s ! 40 KNOW lou 10 tuht Olou-
ems. I've had my eye out for you ever
sinoa. Now (picking up pine root)
you Ritr'
Clemens took up the axe, cast with
ering glance on the buoolic, and climbed
out Of the woods, over the fence and out
Of danger, the voice Of the enraged
landowner ringing in his ears Tor some
distance down the road.
r. a. A.. -
q ohopping place, whom there we're three
orchards between him and the woods, e
not known. Greeley wanted to attack
in the park. They vsre not particular,
and Mr.. Clemens should not have been.
That in the moral this narrative is in
tended 10 convey.