Morris tribune., 1882-10-05
MARRIAGE ENGAGEMENTS.
From our Continent.

1t is my opinion that marriage should
not be to eagerly sought by either sex,
but rather waited for until the certainty
has come that one loves worthily and
well. mean that for man to say to
himself, in cold blood, that it is time he
should marry, and for that reason to look
about for wife, instead of being aware
that he loves and therefore desires to
marry the one beloved woman, is to nv
thinking as unwise and in almost as poor
taste as for girl to discover that it is
time she were settled in life, and in con-
sequence to set about trying to attract a
husband. In neither case is happiness
in marriage likely to be the result of
such quest
But let us suppose that mans heart
has really been touched, and he honest
ly believes he has seen the woman who
could insure his happiness, and make
his life complete-then, think, he may
still be in danger of imperiling his sue
cess by too great rashness It is true
that girl does not like timid or cow
| ardly wooer, but if she be the "perfect
woman, nobly planned" whom the poets
have taught us to desire, she is not to be
taken by storm, and man must give
her time to know her own mind. She
must have found in her own girlish heart
the eyes" he Graves before he question
her too rudely; or he may receive, in
stead, a "no" which might have ripened
into Eyes" under fostering and delaying
SUNS.
There is no danger that he will not
show what he feels without direct words,
even were he ever so much resolved
to keep silence. There isan atmosphere
about love which makes itself felt. IAN
the world loves lover" wrote Emer-
| son, land, by the way, no one has more
| fully expressed the beauty and mystery
| of love than this same philosopher of
Concord, who stands to so many for a
| sort of severe incarnation of abstract
thought, instead of what he was-a lofty
| human soul, instinct with the fullest life
ofhumanity. "'Allthe world loves a low
Grand our lover, whose lips are still
silent, speaks none the less eloquently
in thousand varying ways.
| AS a rule, delicate woman does not
think of a man as lover, or even know
| whether she could care for him in that
capacity or not, until she has received
some impression of his special interest
in her. Then she begins to consider
him. Does long talk with him bore
or delight her? Does she find herself
talking to him freely or entertaining
him with an effort? Is the festive occa-
sions from which he is absent robbed of
some portion of its brightness? Does
she ''see his face, all faces among,"-
catch his voice, though a dozen are
| speaking? Then. unconsciously, do her
| cheeks begin to glow at his coming. In
her eyes smile a welcome, timid, yet
| sweet; and the reverent, waiting lover
may speak safely, for his time has
come.
1t is a debatable question how far
father has a right to refuse his consent
to a prayer to which his daughter has
said amen. If she is too young to know
her own mind, he may surely insist on
delay. If there is anything really wrong
and ignoble in a suitor's character he
will point it out and use his influence
and even his authority to prevent the
marriage But if tits mere question of
personal prejudice, or of worldly policy,
and a girl is old enough to be quite sure
| of herself, it seems to me the parent has
hardly a right to interfere, and that
| daughter is not compelled to accept
decision based upon prejudice or ambi-
ton.
On the other hand girl cannot too
carefully consider the objections made
by her father. 1t is not possible that
parent who has filled his daughters
| life with proofs of love and devotion
will seek to cross her in the dearest wish
| of her heart without what seem to him
good reasons; and to an unprecedented
mind it seems quite possible that a man
| of fifty should be as good Judge of
! character and of mutual suitability and
the chances of happiness as a girl of
twenty. "Gods and men" would Justify
a father who should refuse his daughter
| to a gambler or drunkard, or man Of
known evil life in any direction. She
herself would doubtless live to be CRATE
full, or if she died it were better to die
unstained by such an association
Let US consider the happier cases, in
which the course of true love meets with
no formidable obstacles, whose parents
have consented and friends approved,
| and all goes merry as a marriage-bell.
Then let the bethrotbed pair beware lest
one should become what French cynic
| has called it-"selfs.iness for two"
Surely the infence of a great and holy
! joy should be to enlarge the heart and
ennoble the life Surely to be very hap
py should make one more tender to the
sorrowful. There is a great temptation
to lovers to withdraw themselves from
| other interests, to make the parents and
| brothers and sisters who have loved a
girl all her life feel that they are no long
| er necessary to her; that her heart is
gone from them while her form is in
their midst. But it would be
nobler love, and one that, tc
| my thinking would promise more
| for future happiness, that would only
hold the old ties more nearly and dearly
because of his new one, dearer than
them ALL which would be sedulous tt
spare the home circle any slight, any
sense of loss beyond the inevitable one
of parted presence. Love is the best
gift of God, but it should be crowned
with honor-a sovereign who exalts his
subjects, not a tyrant who debases them.
II l were man l would prefer to mar
ry girl who would be careful in no least
thing to hurt or slight the home hearts
she was leaving, who could afford to
wait little even for her happiness rath-
er than grasp it with unseemly eager.
ness.
am old-fashioned, you think? No,
even now know of such love in two
young lovers for whom every wind
blows good fortune, yet who pause Oh
the threshold of the new, bright life to
leave tender memories of their sweet
thoughtfulness in the life behind them