River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-02-16
IN A NUTSHELL.


The old saying: ssThe more the mer-
rier," does not refer to either corns or
carbuncles.
This mild winter. 30, Patl" ssWhat,
sor?" did yez liver see winter loike
this n "Yis, sor.'' "Whin ~ Last
summer, sor."
Recitation in political economy-Se-
Nor (afraid of being called up)-What's
the foundation of the Bank of England
Special-Brick, think.
"Too much absorbed in his business
was the comment of western news
paper on the death Of brewer who
was drowned in tank of his own beer
A Texas paper SURPRISES the name
of man who kicked blind man of
the walk because he is a prominent
grocer and only sends in his bills semi
annually
One of the first things a farmers
wife should learnS if she has not al
ready learned it as a farmers daughter,
is to drive and harness horse.
Strawberries are much more prolific
when four or five different varieties are
planted together, although each variety
may be perfect one, than if but one
perfect variety were planted alone.
A railroad restaurant at Syracuse
collapsed, and the proprietor was saved
from being crushed by the falling roof
only by {. dish of doughnuts that re-
ccived the shock and sustained the
timbers over his PROSTATE form.
"He is very warR1-hearted man."
said Sprucely, the other day, of a
friend whom he parted with at sam
ple-room door. "Yes," said Bencely,
who came along too late to be asked in,
she seemed to have very cordial
breath"
A widow at the West, intending to
succeed her husband in the manage
ment Of hotel, advertised that "the
hotel will be kept by the widow of the
former landlord, Mr. Brown, who died
last summer on 3 new an improved
plan"
Mile. Lucies beloved being called to
serve his month in the ranks of reserve.
the poor girl got fairly i'll, and the Doc
tor was called in. "Mademoiselle,"
said he, "you will have to follow regi-
men," The next day the young wom-
an disappeared; she had understood
regiment.
Misunderstood; Miss Argent (anx-
ious to discover the opinion of the new
curate on her favorite costume): /
hope you don't disapprove of jerseys,
Mr.. Bullock ~ The Rev. Mr.. Bullock
Ton his hobby "Well, no, not exactly,
although my experience leads me to
prefer 'Short-Horns.'
The brown Leghorns are looming up
as winter layers. 1t is claimed that
they are equal to the heavy-feathered
fowls in that respect. The considera-
ton, however, is that they must be
kept very comfortable and have pro-
portion of animal food. If exposed and
unprotected they are liable to roup,
and a sick fowl is the most Improbable
thing farmer can have.
An innocent little creature. "There,
child" said grandmother, "you
mustn't be vain; don't stand there at
the mirror admiring your dimpled
cheeks. Dimples are pretty enough,
no doubt; but they will change to
wrinkles one OF these days" Little
Edith turned from the glass, with just
a suspicion of pout on her rosy lips.
She sat silent for moment; then look
ing up, she said: Grandma. what lot
of dimples you must have had when
you we're little girl-ali over your
face, want they, grandma ?'-Boston
Transcript.
One downtown preacher is blessed
with two sons. bright little fellows they
are, too. Now, it is the custom in
that preachers family for these two
lads to recite every morning verse of
Scripture. The boys were in great
haste to get out on the hill couple of
mornings ago, when the father said:
"Now boys, recite your verses; then
| YOU can coast" ''I'd rather be door
keeper in the house of the Lord than
dwell in the tents of the wicked" re-
peated the older lad. sod l." ejacu-
lated the Junior youth, and away they
| flew after his sled, and the father did
not demonstrate.
sfYou picked the pecans on Onion
creek, you say" said an Austin report
er, yesterday, to young MIN on
wagon filled with pecans. Yes, sir,
he replied, 'thats where they came
FROM Many up there?" "Plenty of
them" Believe I'll try few" quizzed
the reporter, taking big handful of
the pecans. "I'll sell you a whole peck
for so cents" said the man with swell
ing eyes. "Only want few. Say, do
you know any news?' "Not bit, sir;
everything is very dull up our way"
''Dont you know anything?" swell,
believe / did hear some news ycster-
day" "What was it?'' asked the re-
porter, cracking pecan. There was
man got eighteen buckshot in him
near where / live." "Who shot him?"
81 did" What did you shoot him
for?" asked the reporter aghast. .'For
stealing some of my pecans out of my
wagon" said the countryman, reaching
under the seat for his shotgun. The
reporter hastily replaced the pecans in
the wagon. and after calling the coun-
tryman Colonel" disappeared around
the corner Texas Sttings.