Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-01-26
Mumoraas Qepartmeat,
A FRENCHMAN TAKEN IN AND DONE FOR.


purchase of mare. He gave a 800 spot for
a mare that had been fattened 10 sell, and to
his surprise found her to be ring-boned, Spav
ned blind, clumsy and wind-broken. Full
of wrath and vexation, he went to the jockey,
and requested him to take back the jade, and
''shell back" the purchase money:
''Sare," said he, "I've fetch back de mare
horse vat you sell me- and | want the money
in my pocket back.''
ssYour pocket back ~ returned the jockey
feigning surprise; ''I don't understand you
sr!"
''You no stand under me"'' yelled the
Frenchman, beginning to gesticulate furiOusly;
'.you no stand under me- Sare begar you be
Won grand rascalle You lie like Sam-like
Sam-vat you call de leetle mountain %
''Sam Hill, l suppose you mean"
''Our Monsieur! Sam de IIill-yes sare you
lie like t,oo Sam Hill. You sell me you mare
horse for Won hundred dollaireS-he no wort
Won hundred cent, by gar!'
''Why, what's the matter with the beast ~
''Mattair! say me AIattair! do you say
Wy, he's all mattair-he no go at all-he got
no leg, no feet, no vind-he blind like Won
stone vid dat eye; he no see nobody at all vid
dat eye-he go r-heese-o, ,-r-heese-o, like Won
forge hammer bellows-he go limp, limp-he
no 60 over at all de ground-he no travail two
mile in three day. Que, sare, he be Won grand
sheat--you must take him and fund de money
back! ~
"Refund the money! Oh, no, couldn't think
of such thing
''Vat, you no fund me back de money? !?
You sheaty me vid Won hundred dollaire horse
dat no can go at ALL"
II never promised you that he would 60"
''By gar, vOt is Won horse good for When he
no go? He be no better as Won dead shackass,
by gar! Will you, sare, take de mare horse
back, and give me de money vat l pay him
for 20
''No, sir, 1 cannot-it was fair bargain );
your eyes were your own market, we gentle
man of the turf say"
.'Gentlemen de turf You be no gentle
man at all-you be no turf. Mon dieu, you
be Won grand Turk-von sacra dem decep-
tione-you play Won raScalle trick Oh your
gotten fadder You have no principalle."
''The interest is what l go in for, any how"
''Oue. Sare, your interest be no principalle.
You be Won grand rascalle sheat dats de way
talks
Failing to be satisfied by the jockey, the
Frenchman sent his ''mare horse" to all auc-
tioneer to be sold. But the auctioneer seemed
to have been as great a rogue as the jockey,
for he took care that the fees for selling should
eat up the price he got for the animal.
''By gar,n said the Frenchman, when rela-
ting the story, 81 be sheaty all round De shoe
key horse he Sheaty me in trade, and de hauc-
tioneer he Sheaty me to dispose of de hani-
MALE, and den sold my horse for ten dollalre
only; and by gar, he charge me 'leren doltai1e
for sell him! So lose 'leven and Won hun
dred dollaire, all in my pocket clear, for Won
SCARE, dem, imp, limp, v-heese-o Wind, no see
at all, good for nothing shape of a mare horse,
yurse as nineteen dead shackass, by gar!'
A CAUTIOUS SINNER.-Some years ago
there was good deal of excitement among
the people in certain town in c. county,
Vermont, on the subject of religion, and al
most every man in the place was more or less
awakened to a sense of his sinfulneSS, and
made public declaration of his intention to
lead different life. Among the rest were
three of the principal men of the village, whom
being all present at one of the meetings, took
part in the proceedings, to the great joy of the
faithful and much to the astOnishment OF
s'the rest of mankind'' then and there assem-
bled. NJ, rose first, and having made a
general confession of his unworthiness, said
in conclusion, that he had always intended to
,be an honest man, but if he had wrOnged any
one he was willing to make full restitution.
B followed, speaking in pretty much the
same manner C. arose next, and spoke OF
hissins and wickedneSS in quite as strong terms
''reStitution'' clause, lie remarked, with a
caution characteristic of himself, ''If there is
any man that I have defrauded, I shall be
most happy to sit down and talk it over with
him.
A DOCToR AS is A DoCToR.-A self-suffi-
cient humbug who took up the business of a
physician, and professed deep knowledge OF
the healing art, was once called to visit a
young man afflicted with appOpleXy. BoluS
gaZed long and hard, felt his pulse and pocket,
looked at his tongue and his wife, and finally
gave vent to the following sublime opinion
II think he is gone fellow
s'No! MOI exclaimed the sorrowful wife,
''do not say that -
eyes" resumed Bolus, lifting up his hat
and eyes heavenward at the same time. Eyes,
do say so; there amt no hope, not the least
mite-hes got an attack OF ntltil tt in his lost
JrOntiS-"
'Where 90 cried the startled wife.
''In his lost trontis, and he can't be cured
without some trouble and a great deal OF
pains. You see his whole planetary system
is deranged. Firstly, his COZ populi is pressing
on his ad ralorem; secondly, his catracdrapi-
cal cutaneous has sweled considerably, if not
more thirdly and lastly, his sOlur ribs are in
a conc,essed state, and he amt got any money,
and consequently he is bound to die.'
LoNGSTREET.-Lon pilgrimage to
the Jacobin party must have been good deal
like a man in western Pennsylvania, who in
Quired of boy whether he knew where Jake
kleinfelter lived. The boy said he did. Says
he s'Can YOU tell me-" ''Yes, Sir" said the
bov ''Do YOU see our barn down there ~
Yes" says he. $50 to that About three
hundred yards beyond the barn you will find a
lane. Take that lane and follow along FOR
about mile and quarter. Then you will
come to branch. Go up the branch about Il
quarter of mile, and then you will come to a
slippery elm log You be mighty keerful,
stranger, about going on that log you may
get into the branch; and then 60 on up until
you get to the brow OF hill, and there the
roads prevaricate, and you take the left hand
road and keep that until you get into big
plum thicket and when you get there, why
n-then-then' ''What then :" ''Then,
stranger, III be burned if you ain't lost.
Ia During the war of 1912, between Great
Britain and the United States, Il resident OF
Philadelphia, who took great interest III its
progress, was in the hahit of visiting the stage
office every day in search Of news One day
he was at hand when the mail from New
York arrived, and called out to the driver,
';Whereabouts is General Wilkinson now =
''He is in statu q,o," answered one OF the pas
sengers, putting his head out of The window.
''IIow far is that from Quebec ," was the
next question.
gge nervous old man, whose life was made
miserable by the gathering OF two rival DlacK-
smiths. prevailed upon each of them to remove
by the offer of a pecuniary compensation.