The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1882-06-23
VOL. XXVI.--.NO. 70.
VARIETIES.

Man wants but little here below" And
he gets it when in the newspaper business
When man coins his own words he
does not necessarily make cents of them.
Don be hasty in your speech, for "a
word and stone once let 90 cannot be re-
called"
Heard on n farm YES, wife, the old
cow has served us faithfully for twenty years
and that yoke of oxen have worked hard for
nigh onto forty years, but they will have to
go now. We can't afford to say mo- to the
| butchers when beef is selling in the city at
30 cents pound"
"A young man who went to the circus
and stepped too near the monkeys cage had
his arm seized and savagely ierked by one of
the monkeys. He would have ESCAPED safely
II he had not said ITS merely monkey
wrench but when they heard that the in
tnriated crowd threw him into the lions den
Two ladies exchanging notes on the meth.
| nd IN which they spent the day "You see
always get up nj 10 and ring for my maid
and get dressed How long does that take?"
"Oh, ever so long. You see, the girl takes
full hour to do my hair" a full hour?
Mercy. What do you do while she is fixing
iii" Il go out in the garden and take my
morning walk"
|
life had not lost all dreams of its spring, said
to jerrold, 81 cannot imagine what makes
my hair turn gray. | sometimes fancy il
must be the essence of rosemary, with which
| my maid has been in the habit of brushing
| II. What think yOuT II should be afraid
madame said the distinguished dramatst,
| dryly, that it is the essence of thyme"
-Fogg has neat way of returning ii com.
pllment now and then. Seeing the elderly
| Miss Pangley in the street the other day he
| tried to avoid her but he did not succeed
When they met, said Miss Pangley: oh
you naughty man. You wanted to cut me"
u should be cutting pretty figure, wouldn',
II Miss Pangley tells her friend Miss Sager.
green that Mr.. Fogg is perfect gentleman
An Irish gentleman writes to Tl4iM
| 10 say that he has never found n
trenchman who can pronounce this: "T'him
| b!erlg IhIstlcthwaite thevshly thought Ia
thrive through thick and thin by throwing
his thimbes about, but he was thwarted and
thumped and thrashed with thTrtythror
| thousand thstles and thorns for thevishly
thinking to thrive through thick and through
| Tim by throwing the thimbles about. ~.
Last Suntay evening Boston divine sud
emily paused somewhere near the close of his
sermon, and said I'VE would all be Glad
II that young man in the vestihulc would
come inside and satisfy himself whether she
is or is not here That would he much bel
ter than keeping Il halEinch draft on the
| occupants of the back pew" And in the
| solemn silence that followed the congregation
| could hear sound outside as of an army
with banners.
ten. Wallace, the American minister nj
| Constantinople, was recently invited by the
Sultan to witness drill of his household
| troops, and he thus describes performance
ofthe Circassian cavalry; -Four companies,
magnllicently mounted, were in line. A
bugle call, and the right company dashed
| through TO the front full speed Another
| call, there was a beautiful feat. Each man
reached out with his right hand, caught the
rem close to the bit, pulled hard, and threw
his horse on his left side dismounting AZ
1t went down. Then, on the ground behind
| the horse, he began firing as n skirmisher. A
third call, the company rose up with their
| horses and rctreated at full speed, reforming
as they went. As have never heard ofsuch
thing you can imagine my establishment"
Deaf people sometimes hit on strange
| truths The other day young damsel was
addressing plous old gentleman who was
so deaf that, as Hood says, he couldn't hear
| anything, even If an earwig had carried in
the news and she happened to say of the
new minister that he was Just married
HAS he got it bad?" shouted the listener,
who had evidently misunderstood.
There was nothing to do but to shake the
head negatively, but the pious man continu-
cd, The ways of Providence are peculiar,
aren't they?"
This time there was an affirmative shake
of the head.
AT last the old gentleman asked again. "Do
you think he viii ever recover? Tell him
| when you see him how sorry | am, will
you;"
TWAS aftcrward discovered that he Thought
the new minister had caught fever, and his
comments were made accordingly.