The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-12-22
HUMOROUS.

iitiiNat sigta.s -S'glli etr,rtion,
signal neglect and signal impudence -
[rhe Judge.
When young man is alone with his
best girl, he is generally supposed to be
"holdiDg his own"
No woman should ever borrow the
husband of another, because il is OF
good for man to be loan.
A man never looks so much like
red-handed villain as when he is told
by the photographer 10 'look pleasant"
"Caper sauce!" exclaimed an irate
parent, as he administered a dose OF
strap to his wayward boy.
The shark has TO turn over on its
back before it can seize its prey. The
shark is the genuine backbiter.
"Doctor, examine my tongue" said
a giddy woman, "and tell me what it
needs" Crest" replied the doctor.
The lah.de.dah cigarette smoking
young man is affectionately referred
to by The Clcaveland Leader as "third-
class male matter"
The first Napoleon said "lotteries
arc admissible, because being bPaEils
large revenue collected from FOOLS"
"A debating society is nerving itself
up TO wrestle with the question, ""Whcn
woman and mouse meet, which is
ehe most frightened?"
A little boy came to his mother re-
Gently and said: 81 should think that
if was made of dust 1 would get
muddy inside when l drink"
Thomas Short of Indianapolis, mar
ried Rebecca Long. Rev. Mr.. Small
ofiiciated as the happy medium. Aud
that's the long and short of it.
"What would you do, Mr.. NJ, ifyour
wife died?' asked Mrs. D. Mr.. NJ.
(who is very methodicaD az would
bury her. r."-TPhiladelphia Item.
A family who had recently moye,i
into suite of rooms received an ec-
gantly worked motto last week, which
read as follows: "Heaven h,N--
IA
Every day proves the power OF the
press. The merchant who advertised
for a boy yesterday, found male baby
on his steps, last evening" [Philade'-
phia Chronicle-Herald.
A friend of ours has been such dear,
good husband for the past year, that his
wife has decided not to make him pay
for Christmas present for himself Vm-
tue brings its reward.-lBoston Post.
If brevity is the soul of wit, Charles
Augustus Saleratus must have appeared
very tumultuous humorous last night,
as he came prancing home with the
polonaise of his trouseau bit of by his
best girls sky-blue terrier.-TEye.
Some time ago we started the cues.
ton as to what was the correct size for
woman's waist, and, just as we ex-
pected, a lot of bald-headed editors alr
giving themselves away by talking very
learnedly on the subject. - -[Philade-
phia News.
Jokes about the poverty OF newspq-
per men have been laid upon the Shelf.
They are not funny am more, because
people have found out that they are
not true. Look at James Gordon Ben-
~ nd To 4 DNh
and-and the rest OF u.s. philadelphia
News.
A young widow to the marble cut
ter -"Tell me must put on the tomb
of my husband the words Eternal Re.
grets.' or simply 'RegretsYn "Ah,
madame" replied the marble worker,
with his most charming smile, "hai is
for you TO decide. Does madame think
of marrying agaih soon?"- French
Wit.
A small boy in Wellington whose de-
pertinent had always ranked one hum
dred per cent, came home ona dav re-
Gently with his standing reduced to
w
doing, my son?" asked the mother
"Been doing:' replied the young hore-
ful. "Been doing just as have all
along; only the teacner caught me lhs
time"
He was pretty close man, without
doubt. At breakfast he cul an egg in
two and gave the new hired man one
half of it. The help ate il, and held
out his plate for more. "What?n gasp
ed the host, "want hull egg!" "Oi
course, do" said the man. The boss
stared blankly at him a moment, and
then pushing the half.egg across the IA.
BILE snappishly cried, "Take il, eat il
and kill yourself" The man ate il,
and is still alive.
Jim Webster met Miss Matilda Snow
ball on Austin avenue. They had
formerly been very familiar, but
GOODNESS, which led TO an arrangement,
had parted them. On this occasion he
requested her to be his little dove. his
only gazelle, once more. &C. way,
jim, Pse de wife OBJ anudder Tor de
past two weeks. 'Taint right for me
ter listen ter yer" at would nj he,
Matilda, eff | wasn't married man
myself."-[Texas Siftings.
A man advertised in Vienna paper:
"My name is Frederick. am Us poor
as | am old and ugly. II anything sur