Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-02-06

is like gold people manage to make Il
little Of it go a long way"
SIS there an opening here for an intel
lectual writer?" asked a seedy, red-nosed
individual of an editor. eyes, my friend,'
replied the latter. GA considerate car
penter, foreseeing your visit, left an open
ing for you. Turn the knob to the right"
A Biddeford man proposed for the hand
of a beautiful girl, lately. AS she hesitat-
ed about replying, he said: II wait your
answer with bated BREATH" The girl,
who is good deal of a humorist, said:
"Well, Mr.. Man, you will have to bait
your breath with something besides high
wines and Limburger cheese to catch
your humble servant. Good evening""
An Austin schoolmaster entered his
temple of learning a few mornings ago,
he read on the blackboard the touching
legend: ''Our teacher is a donkey" The
pupils expected there would be COM
bined cyclone and earthquake, but the
philosophic pedagogue contented himself
with adding the word ''driver" to the
legend and opened the school with prayer
as usual.
Little Jimmie, for once, couldn't have
his way. ''Mamma, am going to leave
90; going to take the train an never tum
back" Mamma said, every WE'LL 1, too
shall get on train and go away forever. "
| This terrible scheme had never entered
Jimmie's head. He suddenly remember
ed that if his mother were to disappear
he would certainly be spanked as often as
he should deserve it. Running up to her
and throwing his arms about her, he said,
Mamma, me and you'll go on the same
train, won't we, mamma?"
lady who was recently receiving ap.
plication for vacant position in hel
household was waited upon by one o1
those wandering specimens Of female hui
manity who manage to stay about two
weeks in place and consider themselves
family servants. "Where do you go tC
church," the lady inquired. II general.
go to the same church as the family" wa,
the reply; "where do you attend, ma ami?
The lady replied, est. Pauls, Whereupol
the would-be servant exclaimed, "Oh,
have always wanted to hear St. Pau
preach!"
At singing school, says the Orbisoni
Dispatch, at Three Springs the other night
a young man was Dragging about tn
strength of his lungs, and invited gil
in the company to hit him in the breast
She said she was left-handed, had bee
washing that day, was tired, and didn
feel very active, but at his urgent reques
.. let go at him. When his friends went t
: pick him up he said he thought he Woul
die easier lying down. He had lost al
recollection of having any lungs, tn
young woman tried her best to consol
him by admitting that she didn't hit hir
as hard as she might have done, becaus
she rather liked him.
INSOMNIA of the almost inyaira
BILE results which follow the use of Con
pound Oxygen Is to give the patient soun
and refreshing sleep. 4 lady writes {
her daughter: 1.-THE continued use c
Compound Oxygen soon gave her health
and refreshing sleep, and anodynes ar
Abandoned Says patient: ''Since US
ing your remedy my sleep is natural an
good. My spirits are in much nor
healthy condition. 1 have no need {
anodynes" Another writes: s'Before
commenced taking it (the Compaund OXy
gem, did not sleep any at night, had Ii
appetite and my cough was SO trouble
some that 1 had no rest. Since 1 con
meneed taking it I have slept well 6
night; my appetite has very much in
proved: l scarcely cough at all; and, ]
fact, feel better in every way" Anothf
says: II was perfectly sleepless, ofte
three nights In succession, followed a
ternately by one night of horrible slumbe
known as nightmare, Now sleep is r,
stored, mind clearer, step firmer, a
healthy action greatly increased
Another lady, referring to her daughte
says: MY daughter has improved /
flesh, and looks well. She sleeps we'll
night-sleeps all night a thing she wa
unaccustomed to do. Before taking I'll
Oxygen, wakefulness was one of ht
troubles. ! can see that she is much les
nervous, aad in better spirits" A gel
tleman, writing Of his wife. says II hay
followed your directions as nearly as pc
sible. Have left off all the medicines an
stimulants my wife was taking, and I'll
result of our treatment SO far has bee
more satisfactory than anything precee'
ing it. She has been able to sleep goo
at night without the useof chlorai, a thin
she could never do befare." Our treatit
on Compound Oxygen, containing iape
reports of cases and full information, SCI
free Drs. Starkey & Palen, 1109 and IL
Girard street. Philadelphia. Pa.