St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-10-06
SqIIiiS.

"Bald Mountains in the United States.
When mountain begins to shed its
hair there's no cure for it n. Y.
Mail.
A man took up gun the other day
of course he didn't know it was load
ed. The gun went off; so did the man,
and now the owner of the gun would
give $40 to know where that gun and
man went to.
Preachcr-Yes it is said to be IA
fact that he who is called "Bob" Inger-
soil keeps money i'll an open drawer at
home from which his children may :
help themselves as they please. He
thinks this the best way to cultivate
their sense of responsibility and honor.
No; Messrs. Dorsey and Brady are not
Mr.. IngersOlfs children they are his
clients New York Graphic.
81 guess I'll push along" is what the
man with the wheelbarrow said
YOnkers Statesman.
When man kums to me for advice,
| find out the kind of advice he wants,
and | give it to him; this satisfys him
that he and | are two az smart men az
there is living Josh Billings.
An Iowa man tied one end of a long
cord to an aching tooth and the other
to heavy weight, which he dropped
from Il second story window. 1t was
lucky that there was no picket fence
under the window, else he might have
been impaled as he was yanked out,
head foremost. He got hurt enough,
as it was.
Sir w. Thompson states that, accord
ing to NewtOn's theory, the moon is
always falling toward the earth, and
asks why it does not come down, and
could it always be falling and not
come down? This anomalous condi-
ton of things often puzzles Free Ma
sons when they are endeavoring to
steer themselves home after IA lodge
meeting. - Puck.
The superintendent of the public
schools of Richmond, Va, meeting
Col. Ruflin with whom he is quite in
timate) said 81 see the Wing says
that when You get to Heaven YOU will
amend the Ten Commandments, and
that's too much your way anyway, and
''You ought to he thankful for it, for if
don't die before you and go to lIeav-
en- and have the commandments amend
ed you can't get in"
As some lady visitors were going
through penitentiary, under the es-
cort of a superintendent, they came to
il room in which three women were
sewing. "Dear me - one of the Wis
itors whispered. "What vicious look
ing creatures Pray, what are they
here for ?" "Bccause they have no
other home. This is my sitting room
and they my wife and two daughters"
blandly answered the superintendent.
The people all over the South sang
in the ears of Oscar Wilde the old
melancholy refrain, "You ought to
have seen it before the war; Il was
once sitting on the pOrticO of a cOun-
try house, he said, "with young la
dy, admiring the beauty of a limpid
stream under the rays of the moon,
and said to the young lady, How
beautiful is the moonlight falling up
on the water 1T is beautiful, indeed,
but ah, Mr.. Wilde, you ought to have
seen it before the war;"
GLOW are you coming on, Uncle
;
whats the matter? ?" ~ has sebcn
gals to support, boss. Hit costs pow
er of money to fill up seben moufs free
times day" eyes, but | heard one
of your daughters was going to get
married, so that will only leave you
six to support" "Dat's where you am
fOolin yourself, boss, Dat ar gal am
gwine ter marry one oh dem cullud
pOliticianers, so instead oh habin' only
six to support, when she marries I'll
hab eight moufs to feed, for mighty
few oh desc politicianers, white or
black, is wuff de powder it would take
to shoot 'em. No boss, it will be eight,
instead of six to feed when dat gal
marries, not cOuntin' de natral in
crease"
A colored porter in an Austin store
asked the proprietor for days leave
of absence. whats up now p Oars
niggah gwine ter git married and
oughter be present to ter see him fru."
"Who is this cOlored man at whose
wedding you have to he present -
Use de niggah, boss."-[ Texas Sift-
ings.
An exchange says, "A Philadelphia
physician makes calls on a bicycle"
It is a queer idea. If the bicycle is
ailing. we should think blacksmith or
wheelwright would be the proper per
son to call on it. The word "rider" is
| evidently omitted after bicycle. IL is
| frequently necessary for physicians to
caIl on bicycle rider Norristown
Herald.