Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-03-09
PUNGRNT PARAGRAPHS.

A very necessary matrimonial band
A husband.
When a couple make mp their minds
to get married it may be called tie
vote.
II you must dabble in shares, try
plowshares. No other kind I@ys 80
regular dividends.
"Pm the light Of this menagerie I"
cried the tapir. Then the other beasts
wanted to put him out.
Mamma, do You know what the
largest species Of ants are? You shake
your head. Well, I'll tell you. They
are elephants"
"Why do you hide, Johnny9" said
one boy to another. al hide TO save
my hide" replied the other, as be hied
away to secret spot.
Hens scratch up flower beds only
when they are barefooted. That's why
women run out and Z" shoe" the hens
to keep them from doing damage
A thief who robbed a contribution
box the other day has repented. He Is
now obliged to carry around with him
several pounds Of punched coins which
no one will take.
Nine mcu ont Of ten are mean enough
to enjoy saying to a physician who goes
hunting and gets no game, why
didn't you take your medicine chest
instead OF gun p
A Paris pickpocket who had an am
bition in that line had just made col
lection Of 1872 different sorts of money
purses, when the police fell upon him
and crushed his laudable ambition.
At German ball. LieutcnAnt-"DiJ
ron not tell me that your father has an
estate in Silesia?" Young lady-"Yes,
and two in Pomerania." Lieutenant
"And can you still doubt nv love p
A rolling pin is not rsthctc,
A dish-Tag scarcely il divine,
A s4ualling child IL not pathetic,
A dirty floor is not loonine:
4 drudging lifo II not supcrnh,
Bad Sour is not daGoJn
The weather il not always vcrnL,
We have TO mix the good and i'll
a member of fashionable congrega
tion called at music store and in
quired, Have you the notes Of piece
called the Song of Solomon p" add
ing, Our pastor referred TO it yester-
day as an exquisite gem, and my wife
would like TO learn TO play it"
A wicked man has been getting dol
lar piece from simple-minded farmers
by sending them through the mail, for
one dollar, "recipe" TO prevent pumps
from freezing on cold nights The
answer to the farmers letters was
Take them in doors over night"-Bos.
ton Herald.
when I grow up, I'll be a man,
won't l z" asked a little Austin boy Of
his mother, Eyes. my son but If you
want 10 be q man You must be industri-
Gus at school aud learn how to behave
yourself" why, mamma. do the lazy
boys turn out to he women when they
grow up p Sylsngs.
At : recent party youHg lady was
annoyed by the impertinence of a young
man, asd becoming tired Of ii turned
toward him rather angrily and re-
quested him TO cease his imPudeHce.
The young fellow replied, please do
not eat me-" She replied, "HAve no
fear, sir, pork does not agree with me-
When a bashful young man finds
himself in company where there is
creamy infant of ten months, the e<-
preston on his face when the proud
mother thrusts her tender offspring al
him with The remark, "Baby, kiss The
nice gentleman" may be imagined, but
cannot be counterfeited.
"How do you like the character Of
st. Paul p asked a pafson of his land
lady one day, during conversation
about the saints and the apostle. "Ah.
he was . good, clever old soul, know"
replied the landlady I" for he once said.
You know, that VIC must eai what is set
before Us and ask no questions for con-
science sake. always thought shozld
like him for q boarder."
/
As grAnmAriAna noEas say re euEhss
Let ne aee
How thinEs be
whsa this knsd Of ssachins is taught
The egg isn't hAseAcd. il is hAaghs:
Ny brisohes arn's patched. thsy Ars pAashi;
John and JAmea are not matched, they are
mAaght;
NJ door isn't laiOhsd, Il is Taught:
The pie wasn't snAiohsd, 1t was rrAnEhs;
Tha aaf uawnf srra4nl,aa ahn f...s .--...ssAt.