The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-09-16
Sharp = Sharper-SharpeS
Sept. s, 1882.
Editors Herald:

oEDbs O. iCD-.
Editors Herald:
Once in while you gasp fol
breath at the prOdigiOus benevo-
lence of some eastern bankrupt
who has sent out his bankrupt
stock to be sold by the law and with
positive instructions to the agents
selling to see that every purchaser
has three times the value OF MS
money, The laxative agent untles
his bundles and TO your admIrIng
gaze a whole host OF R0Xbury,
| Mass. cassimeres, beavers, mel
tons. dOeskins, etc, meet your gaze.
They are purely English. Some
dress goods and shawls make the
pleasing, tempting display for cash
only. He glibly tells you they have
sold 100000 III Salt Lake City
alone; the little adjoining coop.
has Just bought $500, and your
smart man, the bishop, has in
vested heavy. I'VE arr beating
the big coop. all to pieces, and we
are drawing a large trade in these
country cO-Ops.
Goods are thus purchased that lay
perhaps months or years on the
shelves, while, perhaps, Il store has
to borrow money to buy groceries,
on time, to keep the breath Of life
in the store, and perhaps the money
thus realized on groceries on time
is due, or atall events, it passes to
a class Of men who emphatically
strip the country and give no re-
turns.
The obliging agent, one Of five,
tells you they have thirJy-One
wagon loads at Nephi of inst such
goods, and they must be sold in
southern Utah. The law firm hay
ing the sale of this SI,500,000 Of
goods are determined to sell for the
benefit Of the poor, dear bankrupt.
and the dear bankrupt wants you
shall have three times the worth of
the money, and then, if not salts
fed, he throws in a dress for
madam and the dear little cherub
she nurses. How gushing! How
sympathetic low utterly! How
they are! And how utterly how
are you gulled!
In a hotel parlor at the foot of
Mount Nebo, a conference was held
Of the Chrome Rubber Stamps, Ike
nesses of the twelve agents etc, one
evening to compare notes, checks,
lodges, etc. well how did you sue
coed in Sanpete with your piece Of
nOn-explOsiVe red tape for lamps"
Oh admirable, l took the safe dodge,
sWOnderful!peOple, dreadfully per
secuted" Like your people i'm
shall move out here etc"
essay stranger what have YOU got
to sell, you with the one arm" oh I
have the life of General Garfield
with plenty Of chrOmoS to throw in,
chrOmOs take them. What dodge
are you going to take, that Of one of
the heroes Of the war and a near
relative Of a prominent Mormon
general, Ishall shake my tenantless
sieve, tell Of Libby, hair-bTeadtl es-
capes, and smoothly shove my dis
connection with the dear
general.
Who do you represent? l repre-
sent the great irIn of SlOwcome s.
Go of Boston, | offered this!wOnderful
nine tools in one for % cents, or a
royal piano with = stops to one 90,
So down as an earnest of good faith
for $3.50 delivered c. 0. d, ''caught
on the dodge" of, if not liked to be
1t never came. Thus and
thus these gentlemen RECALLED them
selves and having told their guilds
and quiddities they arose and said
Let US SMILE" their earnings as
they said average $40 per day and SO |
they could afford to smile, and smile !
hey did in more ways than one. !
Now as a splendid relief to this, / |
5sw your fellow tOWnsman Johnny |
Meakin, walking around and
3uavely introducing GaskeiIS COM
1endium He was doing well, both |
he compendium and the agent are |
a No. /.
We are to have a new curative |
presently in the shape of medicine |
Jy dear Sister Agnes, her herb cure !
lnnihillate disease of medicines |