News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

| any settled p0lcy regarding lotteIles, e'l.'
Brother Gardner replied:
ct can't say dat we has. A few months
ago, when Whalebone Howker drew $50
in lottery, I made up my mind dat lot
teries war a good thing. Las week
when I diskivered dat de S. had invest
ed hadn't drawn muffin tall 1 felt dat
lotteries were a delusion and snare.
Whar' you am certain Oh DRAWN prize
lottery am good thing, an you needn't
feel bad fur de company. Whar' you
have any doubts bout gittin' back $50
fur 81, you'd better gin de money to de
ole woman to buy shoes. detroit Free
Press.
| IT STOPPED AT CABBAGE.
A colored man living on Indiana street
lately had occasion to ask the advice OF
| the patrolman in that district as to how
he should treat some boys who called
him names as he passed a certain corner.
81 wouldn't mind 'em, was the reply.
"Jist what 1 reckoned on, said the
complainant. 81 had my mind made
up to treat 'em wild proud disdain. But
dar's naybur o. mine who frows clubs
at my dog an cusses my chillen. Would
you also come de proud disdain over
him ?"
eyes, I think So"
can dar's white man ibin' round de
co'ner who say stole his ak. I reckon
dat proud disdain will fix him if / keep it
up long enough?'
cit certainly will"
Wall, den it am settled dat I doan'
talk back in none O desc cases, but dar'
| am one fling 1 want understood right heah
an now De mex time am injoyin' an
ebenin' siesta ON de door-steps and six
pound cabbage hits me on de middle
west-button dar' won't be any proud dis
dain to be had in any grocery fur a mile
aroun' TIE gwine to riz up an yell fur
revenge an shout fur blood, an de ossi-
fer who interferes wild me am gwine to
be rendered unconscious fur forty-eight
days !''-DetrOH Free Press.
A LITTLE wIGGLE.
A lady now visiting at River Park is
the mother of seven small children, all
of whom are exceptionally bright. One
of these, a four year old boy, showed
a great reluctance to attend church, and
was constantly in disgrace when there.
His mother tried every means to induce
him to sit still, but in vain, until at last
the little fellow said:
Mamma, there's just one way you
can keep me still in church"
''What is that" asked his mother,
eagerly.
Gust let me take off my shoes and
stockings so [ can wiggle my toes, and
I'll keep as still as a mice. "-Detrou
Post and Tribune.
AN INCIDENT IN PENIS LIFE.
"And now, in conclusion" said Will
lam Penn, ''for time flies and money is
twelve per cent, I'll tell thee what I'll
do with thee. We didn't come here to
rob thee, but if thee has any land thee
wants to sell, I'll make thee an offer as
square as horse trade. I don't care to
buy, anyhow, and don't want to beat
thee out of foot of ground, but if thee
is anxious to sell, I'll give right here,
cash and goods right down on the coun-
ter, $500 for the State of Pennsylvania,
with all the dips, spurs, angles, sinuos-
tiles, stock, good will, fixtures, subscrip-
ton and mailing lists, and all the appur-
tenances thereunto appertaining, be the
same more or less, and you can take it or
leave it."
''They want you" the interpreter ex-
planned, ''to make it five hundred and
half"
Couldn't do it." replied Penn. 81
won't make dollar out of it at $500. I've
paid ZIG, 900 for it already to man who
never owned a foot of it, and can't put
much more money into it."
'tHe wants to know, Onas, the inter
prefer said, when a native delegate ceased
to speak (Onas was the nearest the In
dams could get to translation for PENIS
name. "Onas," meaning quill; al
though why it wasn't just as easy to say
Penn, even with two MS, no one but an
Indian could tell; che wants to know,
Onas, if you paid e16,OO0 for the State
TO land grabber who couldn't and can't
give you deed, if you think it is
square deal to offer the rightful owners
only $500 to quiet title ?"
And the silence that fell on the assem-
bly, was SO profound you might have
heard gum drop.-BURDETTE
DOMESTIC HFELIcITY.
A visitor at the Percy Yerger mansion
On Austin avenue, remarked, as he
saressed little Mollie Yerger:
"She takes after her papa, and has got |
MS hair"
''No," said the little cherub, ''it's not |
ne that takes after papa, and gets his
lair. It's mamma who does that when |
ne comes home tight. "-Teras iSitti7agS.
LITTLE ALLsPIcE.
A LAWYER is cited before the Bar Asso- |
,iation for having conferred upon his vel |
ow dog the name of brother advocate. |
Sir, says the president of the Associa-
ion, show could you carry SO far your
and dishonorable ami
Mostly as to commit such an act ?" "I
1eg your pardon" replies the accused,
but the name I have called my dog by
s not the name of my learned brother
They write their names differently p'
The following anecdote is told of an
lrtist who made an important discovery
n the mixing of his pigments This he
.onfided to a friend. Later the friend,
hiding brother of the guild puzzling
'ver the same problem, came to the first,
begging permission to disclose the
ecret. LET me see," said the artist,
houghtfully drawing toward him bit
# paper, 81 know about it, that's one,"
making line upon the paper, sand you
now 1t, that's two, adding another line,
Now, If you tell this an"-drawing
bird hne-"will be only three" inter
'olated the friend. "No," and the artist
pointed to his paper, 'it's one hundred
nd eleven"
A COW at Pittston, N. Y, ate up sec
ION OF spring bed before her owner
otlced that she had a wiry appearance.
'ome men are SO absent-minded, you
now.
Down in Ohio it is considered good
1ck to see bull over the right shoul-
er, In case you are within ten feet of
be fence.
WHERE are the men of rs ?" shrieks
n excited exchange. Oh, to Halifax