Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-01-09

LII Is Sa1Q LnaL Mexican LADIES make
their own dresses.
Why do girls kiss each other, while
boys do not? Because girls have nothing
better to kiss, and the boys have.
A colored child had fall from second
story window the other day, and his
mother in relating the incident, said:
''Dere dat child was a-comin' down feet
fust wild obery chance OBJ being killed,
when de Lawd, He turn him ober, de chile
struck on his head, an dere wasn't so
much as a button flew off,"
A late Judge was noted wag. A
young lawyer was once making his first
effort before him, and had thrown HIM
self on the wings of his imagination far
into the upper regions, and was seeming
ly preparing for higher ascent, when
the judge exclaimed: Hold on, hold on,
my dear sir! Don't go any higher, for
you are already out of the jurisdiction of
the Court
Daughter (home from SCHOOL,. stNow,
papa, are you satisfied? Just look at my
timonial-'Political economy, satisfac-
| tory; fine arts and music, very good !;
logic excellent. Father. every much
so, my dear-especially as regards your
future. If your husband should under
stand anything of housekeeping, cooking,
mending and the use of the sewing-ma-
chine, perhaps, your married life will in
deed be happy"
Some boys learn without difficulty,
while it it is impossible to teach others
anything. A schoolmaster was trying to
show his pupils the intricacies of wages.
In answer to the query, "What are
wages?" not a boy made reply. ''What
does your father get on Saturday night,
after his weeks work is over?" he asked
| of little ten-year-old observer of human
nature. tGet?" was the reply, ''Why he
goes to the tavern and gets Tight"
No difference: A bright youth, under
going examination a few days since for
admission to one of the departments,
found himself confronted with the ques-
ton: s'What is the distance from the
earth to the sum-" Not having the exact
| number of miles with him, he wrote in
reply: II am unable to state accurately,
but don't believe the sun is near enough
to interfere with proper performance OF
my duties if l get this clerkship." He
got it.
A Canada backwoodsman promised to
send the minister fifty pounds of maple
sugar for marrying him. Time passed
on, and no maple sugar arrived to sweeten
the minister's household. Some months
later he saw the newly married husband
in the town, and ventured to remind him
"My friend, you did not send me the ma
pie sugar you promised" With sad
dened countenance he looked up and re-
piled: 'sTo tell you the truth, governor
she amt worth itl''
REMAIN AT HOME.-If you are suffering
from consumption or catarrh, don't lei
your friends or your physician induce you
to leave home and its comforts for Colo
RADIO or Florida. Send for the Compound
Oxygen Treatment. It will do more fol
you than any change of climate. In re
cent letter from Hon. VIM. d. Kelley, in
! PRODUCING friend, a resident of our city
whom he had persuaded to give COMPOUND
Oxygen trial, he says: ellis physician.
advised him to go to better climate
but his means will not permit this, and
know that the climate of Philadelphia
improved by your Compound Oxygen
will do him more good than removal t.
any climate on this continent; and in say
ing this 1 speak from my own large expe
rience in California, Florida, and in tn
elevated plains of the country" As Judg
Kelley is one of our oldest patients, hi
opinion of Compound Oxygen is of grea
value. Our treaties on Compound Oxy
gen, containing large reports of cases
with full information, sent free. Drs
Starkey & Palen, ll09 and iii Girar
street, Philadelphia, Pa.