The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1882-01-19
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


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PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
Because they call q little statue
statuette, is that any sign that little
sausage isa sausage et9
The earth is not afraid OF snow, but
when The little spiritual fakes fall down
it turns as white as q sheet.
On seeing house being whitewashed,
boy asked: "Man, if you please, are
you going to shave that house r.
Life is real, life is earnest,
And our legs, though stout and brave,
Will through space at times be flying, So
Upward shooting from the pave.
A young lady of the highest and
strictest principle returned new watch
to a ieweler'bec it happened to be
a little fast. u
Doctors say thst the gout may be in
herited. If any isllow were to leave us
the gout we should contest his will on
the ground Of insanity
The young man goes to see his girl,
And then what does he do2 q
He wonders if s6 a week 7:
Is money enough for two. %.
Junior class in zoology: Examiner I
My good child, what are quadru-
peds? Scholar-Animals with four
legs. ExaminG-Very good. Now
name some? Scholar dog, q horse,
two hens.
Young lady: SIS there anything that
will remove p,pstache from girls
lip9" There Is: An ugly old man will
sometimes yank it away and sling its
owner over the fence, but it will come
back again.
Colorado is larger in area than New
Hampshire, Vermont, Rhode Island
Connecticut, New York, New Jersey and
Maryland combined. But then it
dqess N ! z j ,Sff n q h. o,ydf
these States on q square count in the !:
census time. e
Professor Huxley wants his boy to
have "broad shoulders, q deep chest,
and stomach SO good he will never
know he has one" That kind of q
stomach would be bonanza for q
tramp. And, occasionally, it would
strike the wealthy editor as a good
thing to have in the house.
"The candles you sold me last week
were very bad," said Jerrold to a tallow
chandler. Indeed, sir, I am very
sorry for that" EYES,. sir, do you
know they burnt to the middle and
then would burn no longer" 'You
surprise me! What, Sir, did they go
out?" "No, sir, no; they burnt
shorterp
At breakfast remarkably light ONE
let souf1e is served, at a moment when
every one is engaged in deeply in
teresting conversation. The omelet is
neglected, and begins to settle down
from its appetizing airiness, to the enor.
nous disgust of the littls daughter of
the house, who exclaims: "Oh, ma, do
hurry! The omelet is eating ;tselfp
"Ticket, sir" said railroad conduc-
tor, passing through one CT the trains
the other day to passenger: "My
face is my ticket" replied the other.
sIndeed 7" said the condu ctor, rolling
back his wristband, and displaying a
most powerful bunch Of fves; ''well,
my orders are to punch all tickets pass
ing over this road" "And my business,
as director of this road" quietly re-
piled the passenger, ''is to see shat con-
ductors do not knock down." The
conductor readjusteG his wristband.
A doctor will sit down and write
prescription; time, five minutes; paper
aud ink, one-fourth of a cent; and the
patient pays 81, 50: SIS, $40, as the case
may be. A lawyer writes ten or twelve
lines of advice, and gets from $40 to
500 from his client. An editor writes
a half column puff for q man, pays
man from fifty cents to one dollar for
putting it in type, rrints on several
dollars worth of paper, sends it to sew
eral thousand people, and then sur
prises the puffed man if he makes any
charge.
George NJ. Pullman, the palace car
man, got his start financially in mining
in Chicago. He was worth less than