Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-08-20
PURE FUN.
Humorous Ssuibs for su,..
Beading.
A Collection Of Grins, Smiles and a..
Laughs Gathered from II. cl. "'"
Jams Of our Exchanges.

Lighthouse are better Appreciate,
sailors than BY actors. 9
A young eat Is . kitten. bu, ,,
one Is q confounded nuisance Ao%
LIQUOR works much evil .,,.,
counts for the dealers wanting to I ,e., H.
1t. why
Never insult = milkmsn by ,..;
him what watering-place he i, ya wing
this summer. s~
John, what is that scar n,
chin"' "That scar: Oh, thu, VI Your
of barberism. reiic
at Is always summer somsu.
remarks the Ncw Orleans Tfcg'omIe
us 90 somewhere next winter '''e' Lei
Twelve persons will go out v,c,,;.
and each one will afterwar tell "p
privately that "every one Was sick } H..
me-" 'a'
"They tell me you have had s,.
money ieit YOU" said Brown. .ys..
replied Fogg, sadly, lit len m. ,en,
ago." ~"
II may sound psrsdoxicsl, Lu, il :.
nevertheless true, that YOU think hs
least OF some persons when YOU thin
the most Of them.
At last a legitimate Use has h..,
found for eleomargsrine. Young m.a
who wear the fashionable ,igh, trcu,n
buy it by the key.
The Louisville COTicr-.I Journal .,,-
Kentucky is strongest in butter. Thai,
saying considerable when her whisky
will bear up An egg.
"Jones, why do you send your w,A
to the Chinamsn"" Jones ~ DOM"
"iou don't" Jones $40: he COM.
and gets IT,"
There II no use trying to make IN.
man who has eaten two dozen peache.
believe that the most serious state of,(.
fairs at present exists in Egypt.
Some of our young men before pat.
ing Oh eel skin pants should have en-.
barked in the business Of raising stock
They should have raised coupl. 4.
calves at least.
Somebody uncraciously remark, that
by the way people rave over the Luxury
Of the daily bath at the shore, one would
think that they never bathed At al
when at home.
DoctOr-"Well, Pat, have YOU takes
that box Of pills sent YOU. rI-
"Yes, sir, he jabers. have, bu, don't
feel any better yet; maybe the liha.n'l
| come of yet"
Speaking Of the army worms, FosS,
who served during the rcbcnou, say. he
used frequently to find them in hi, bis
cult, and dosn't care 10 renew the 81.
quantance.
a case of hydrophobia. it is sIlcc.i,
has been developed in New York b,
the Use of tobacco. Mex, week ~
know folks'll be having dc!irum Ire
mems drinking buttermilk.
A Denver Chinaman, who has gon.
into the icc-cream business recently
has the following sign near the door
"IUu catch 'em fleczy belly two bite
all same Sian Flanci-cO."
Idaho has newspaper office and
lager been saloon combined under one
management. Fifty editors are waiting
for a vacancy in that Office by DEATH
having lost all hope OF a resignation.
II seems strange that the deal
and dumb sign language has mol cone
into more general Use In polite society
Il would I've So handy nj dinner pAun
for the man who wants to talk with N
mouth full.
| Alta restaurant on Virginia railroad
t5aSsResS h ATff sd 70 pf pay :? SS r b.
three ribs Of boy. He didn't know Il
was loaded, hut they wouldn't take
that excuse.
You can knock whole hotel full 81
folks silly by sliding into the kitchen sbd
putting q cats claw into the hash. All
the evidence I'm the world tina, the
hash WAS made upon honor wouldn't
convince them II was q. X.
| A small stream In Pennsylvania
which some Yeas ago was alive wits
tadpolcs and mud turtles, has been PET
mitted to dry up, just because memo''
Of congress refused To ask an appropni'
ton Of $4,000 10 improve II.
The meanest kind OF mean man .
the one who, seeing another lying IN
hammock, hows "dog fight" W ths
he may see the victim try 10 get Oh! =
the hammock quick, and get -uss
about six sommersaults with mud ID n'
mouth.
| A Goldfish was recently found with
small bottle OF celery salt inside D,
yitals. The introduction OF celery sia
into the Goldfish will no doubt Work
\ wonderful revolution into the c1da'n
ball and correct the wood violet hA''
Of the Goldfish ham.
| A Milwaukee drug clerk was shIPps.'
| for putting whisky Ia prohlblt9nls
soda, and the next day Lost bl. s'Ius
ton because he failed TO compfehcsIa'
the significance ofan influential cliien
wink. II evidently requiresa M@e'
lnicb TO run a soda fountain.
II A Michigan paper claims that 'nAt max,
\ destroy rats and mice, and there -hou'
be a law for their protection. Inc e
tor OF that paper has doubtless DYE We
| that snakes are becoming ~ sn.
that when he asks for quar- OF - w.
| for q snake bite no one Will believe III
Flies that can pas themselye' on .
buckleberries have not lived IN W..
The slanderers are the men W.. Nv,
Darwin meant. For all time they IT, H..
| been. and are still, talebearen -.
world Is tally.ho coach, and tbe u ,
who blows the horn attracts tne "
attention.
The policeman saw that the w., I
was hoind 10 wreck the building. an,
his own unaided effort could nos :" :,
them off. But he had the pfe. sI ri
mind to run around the corner A." ~
mdov fipbt," and in ten secono' ~,
wasn't man in the crowd VINO
hustiing round TO find the dogs
AIad who had been bathing Wv. ~,
tho act Of dressing himself, wber
oSbis sboe. rolled down the ro z.
disarpeared in the water. I'D ss -,
sn Gene n he lost the osbef ~ y,
also: where-Upon, conte,n lPiS sivr-s
feet with the most melsncn1u raa
sion. he apostrophized, "n.%
nice pair OF orphans, amt YOU
They were talking over , hu. ssl,
the drama at the table Of vi, .vrr
who. as they were already W" rns,t-l
nwed his fortune to his own ",ni.
a,.,nns TYou are fond OF b,I..>