davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
He Had His Shoes On,
hic Cheek.

Dan Mcclure Is freight conductor running ou, ot Omaha on the Union Pa cihc.
 The train dispatcher one day last win ter put up a lob on Dan. which caused him io back up the assertion that he had II m for all the station agents between highly hsurati,c and rich mezzo-tinted language.
 IL appears that Dams little three year old kid had mixed up the shoe brushes with these used in polishing up the han dle of the big cook stove 90 that in the gloom of early dawn Dan inadvertently pu, heavy coating of Dickson's stove backing on his box-toes. and was only made aware of the fact by the train dis pa,cher. who. when he wen, in 10 get his orders. salutcd him with:
 Hello. Dan, you've got your tin shoes on. havn't you
 Dan cusscd around little, but rcaliz- ing that he was going 10 run out of the city. and fl wouldn't make much differ ence how he looked. any way. soon forgot . all about II. and sat in his way car as happy and con,entcd as German oornet player in . beer garden. But the train dispatcher sat down to his electrical brass works and wired all the station agents along the line to meet Dan with the ex- preSsion:
 Hello, Dan. you've go, your ,in shoes on. hsvn't you:
 So when the train slowed up al Gilmore. Dan jumped off and ran ahead to the s,a- tion ,o meet the agent, who said:
 Hello. Dan you've got yonr tin shoes on. havnt you!-
 Dan was just trifie embarrassed al this. and was inclined to curl up little and get sour over II. but he contnved to laugh ii away. and pulled out for Mill ard. ten miles up the road. where the smart Aleck of that station greeted him with:
 Hello, Dan you've got your tin shoes on. hayn't you:~
 Dan began to think the ssereoyped mode of addressing him was getting slight ly monotonous, but it was not until he ar- rived at pappalion that he fairly boiled over. and blew forth all around the plat form. This was because the agent at tha, point casually observed:
 Hello. Dan! you've got your tn shoes on. havnt you
 "Well, what of it you hog-eyed coun- ity Jake? reckon they're good enough
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
Variety Artists and Ar,is,es.
Exchange.


 Major Harrl Delmar. editor et the Bos- ton Figaro. Tn A long and well written ar ticic on the modern stage. has this to say of the average variety performer. which contains great deal more truth than poe tnf. He says:
 Having described the career and out hned the professional life ot the ''les;;i- mate" NC will now say few words con- ccrning thc variety and negro minstrel profession. Candor and truth compel Us to say tha, by far the largest portion of the viric,y pro es>ion. both males and i,- males. are coarse and ignorant. many of them absolutely illitera,c. The same condition of morals and education pre- .vails. more or less. among the minstrel m1n. The average American variety ac- tor and minstrel performer commenced life as d newsboy or bootblaok. while the English ,artis, usually graduates iron, the high and cnnoblins occupation ef 3 ~pot-boy" in beer shop. The female portion of the profession are. as a rule. no better educated or reared thaa their male companions. and as to their morals-well. iet us draw the veil of ehariiy-ov that portion of their history. l, may possibly surprise some of our readers to be in- formed upon credible authority that there are several prominent and popular members of the profession who receive weekly salaries ot one hundred dollars and upw ards. but who cannot sign their own names. They have made a hit in some particular hne of biz. and draw immensely among the ignorant and de prayed classes. Hence. managers arecom- peIled 10 pay these people salaries en- slrcly out of all proportion 10 their real merit While the ignorant filp-fiap song and dance man always commands prompt engagements at large salaries. the eda- ca,ed and talented legitimate actor Is starving in idleness or working for starya- ton paw And so II Is with the female portion of the profession. The ignorant but pretty apd-shapcly variety woman. Aho IS re-43y ,;o exhibit her personal charms. lns a semi-nude condition. and add to the receipts of the house by assist lng in ,hc orgies Of the wine To1iTi. can secure ready engagements. while the re- spectable. cultivated lady ln the legitimate business mus; be content with semi occasional engagement for the lowest pos sibie compensation.
 of course there are always exceptions in all conditions ef liie. and why not III the variety profession We know of many respectable. talented ladies who have been forced ;o leave other prefes- slons and enter the variety business where their peculiar talents command liberal pay. The same may be said Of many male members But combination of re speetahiliS and culture IS rare excep- ton in the vatiery business.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
Tracing on Glass.
Exchange.

The following method of tracing or glass for the lantern. by Mir Geo. Smith appears to be satisfactory. 4 piece O finely ground glass IS rubbed over with 2 trace of glyoerine. in order 10 make 1t a. transparent, as possible. IL is easy now ,c write ordraw on the prepared surface with hard and finely pointed black lead pencil. and the glass IS so transparent ,ha, the finest details of any engraving over which it may be placed. can ,,s seen quite distinctly The drawing hay. ing been finished. the plate is washed with water. in order to remove the glycerinc and dried. 4 thin coa; of Canada balsan or of negative varnish now serves tc render the slide permanently transparent and ready for the lantern.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
Diseouraging the Truth.
Detroit Free Press.


 He had stub of pencil in one hand and sheet of paper in the other. and he walked up tn citizen who was about to go aboard q ferry boat. and said
 Il have document here for you to sign
 "Bu, never sign any petitions was the speedy reply.
 This IS no petition. This is an agree r,ent to the effect that none whose names are signed below will either swear while fishing or lie about the size or number ei the fsh afterwards. Please write your name on the blue line there
 But never go fishing.
 Well. you can't tell when you may. Besides. want the influence of your name.
 Il guess 1 won't sign.
 Let me hope that you will. Are you not willing to eschcw profanity for an hour ar two once or twice !: year:
 Il never swear anyhow"
 But perhaps you lie. If so. only ask you to tell the truth in just this one in- stance.
 Il won't do il"
 You won't. eh You refuse to bind yourself nof tn rip and eHs> and Jaw anu howl because you don, get bite. You refuse to enter into an agreement not to come hseme ard lie like trooper and lose your seul for the sake of making same- body believe you eaugh, bass weighing SIX pounds. That's the kind of a De,roi,er you are. IS l,
 i've good mind ,o osspoil your nose" growled the passenger.
 s.'.Of course you have ust because I want 10 bind you no, ;o lie and swear you w.nt my hearts blood. If l had asked you 10 agree not to cheat and steal and burn buildings you'd have wanted to cut my throat. Go on. sir Take your old ferry boat and go to Windsor with it''
 "l'll see you again
 That it-more threats. But you have tackled the wrrng man. SIT. I'll have an eye on you for the next ten years. and the isrsi time know of your going out io t1sh I'll follow you. Yes. SIT: I'll be on your track and if you utter one profane word. or tell one single lie. I'll put you behind the cross-bars of the cooler. Go hence. marked man.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
con,empsible.
he Drummer.

When we look over an exchange andi recognize clippings from other newspapers which the editor eoolly appropriatcs and publishes 10 the world as his own work. we cannot help feeling profound con- temp, for one so lost to self respect And when we thus detect dishonesty in one article. we view all other land perhaps original articles in tha, sheet with snspi- cion. and hesitate to copy the same on that account When VIC see an article that is good we copy II, and are no, ashamed to give due oredi, in bold type. and wi,hou, arfally mentioning the au- thors name in our introductory remarks. so as to maintain the form of fairness. and yet escape the attention of the reader. as some less cheeky literary pirates love to do. There is certain class of condensed news items which do not represent liter ary work. and are properly excepted from the rule, but the honest journalist can all ways say. "that which is not credited is mine"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
Up in . Balloon.
Bill Nye. boomerang I

Riding around through space in a bal loon for three or four weeks. if seems to us. must have its draw backs at this season of the year, and II must be doubly embar- rassing when the boss don't know whether he is lowering over Cook county. Illinois. or Cork county. Ireland.
 There is hay uncertainty about scoo,- ing around through the wide waste of at mosphere that is still open for preemption which the world can neither give or take away. Think of getting up in the night in your sleep and walking ou, of sourj bedroom door and falling 5o.ooo feet in perpendicular direction. Think of being two miles above your hotel when the gong sounds. with no way of getting down except by your own weight.
 In the intercs, of science ii may be a big thing to freeze to death nine miles above snow line. trying to run down some acw scientific fact that you could have bought at home at the rate of sixty cents bushel.
 The world will always be able. no doubt. 10 trot out from twenty to one hundred people most any time who are willing to ride up into the sky with a soft gliding movement to height of about three miles and then come down m water@ melon patch like hod full of bricks from |, fif;h-s;orv. but we beg to be excused from contributing to the world in thai style.
 When VIC were boy and hadn't learned very much oi the ways of the world. we remember that we made the scientific eN- ~l, .dt Drf trees at one and the same time. We got along all right until we got to where the trees separated. and then we came down to make report. The repor, was heard abou, three-fourths of mile. and we were carried home on an old cellar door
 If man falling from height of o.oeo feet. continues to acquire velocity in the same rate that we did. he probably reaches the earth with an accelerated mo- mentum that jars his vital organs good deal.
 The shock. too. must be very great to the farmer who goes out in the morning 10 milk the COWS. and finds an screnaut on top of the barn with the lightning rod run through him. Think also. of the air voyagers wife. Imagine her feelings ADen llfty DfiaH Acl nusndHo H''itie III 'tii old oyster can and she has to identify his remains by gold toothpick and a wart.
 Sailing around among the clonds IS a good thing if you can come down with the same deliberation with which you go up. hut accidents are liable to happen and then you don't seem to see anything that YOU can catch hold of ,o break vour fall You nigh, rcach ou, and grab the corner of thunder rlnud. but II wouldn't stop the b lloon for any great length of time. and you would probably go head tirs, into the ground about two yards and a half
 When man falls out of balloon # IS not the fail so rnHeh tha; mixes him up. but it Is the sudden manner ln which he stops He generally hangs together all righ; while he is filling. hut when he gets done falling the surprise and epneussien seem "a setter him over two or three counties. and they have ro scrapc him off the huckleberry bushes Al over the state in order to hold an inquest on him.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18

to boot grangers with, and you7l be mighty apt to get taste of 'em # you don't cheese your racket"
 Then Dan swung himself on to his way car and lit our for Valley Junction. Here Fleming. one of the nobbiest gentlemen on the line, handed Dan train order, re- marking affably:
 '. 1 see, Dan. you've got your tin shoes on
 Now. see here. FIem." said Dan. pite- ousiy. live taken that kind of slack all the way out of Omaha. l. ain't no use to try and black 'em: it rolls of m little blue pills all over the car floor. There's some kind of conspiracy agin me. and want you to wire the fellers up above not to chin me any more about my shoes. The very frs; man whs alludes 10 'em will get a nose on him as big as a -four barrel.f
 Fleming tried to ge, the man at Sehuy- fer. but Dams train got in ahead of the telegram. and @hen the agent came out. he grinned and said:
 '' Hello. Dan. you've got yer tin shoes on. haven't yerF
 That was all he found time to say jus, then. Dan peeled all the siding of from the west gable of his face at one lick. and then jumped up and down on him. shooping like Brule Sioux over dead Indian agent. When Dan's train arrived al Columbus. there was an open-mouthed crowd of about two hundred and fifty people on the platform. Bu, they didn't pcak of Dams shoes. The Schuyler man had dragged his wounded. bleeding form up To the instrumen, and tele- graphed: ,------
 Look ou, for Dan Mcclure. He's coming up your way with his train. and he's blind, staving fighting drunk.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
Stir the Others Up.
New Haven Register,

~Eseellen, sermon. this morning. sai Deacon Goodwill to his neighbor. as the fingered igy;he vestibule 10 shake hand with the brethren.
 Well. pury good; pury good. Ain quite up to old Parson Slooum. He use 10 give 1t to 'em straight. He preache agin ~ickedness in the land"
 To be sure. but this man breaches rigf to us. personality
 ''Tha, Jes; the trouble Igoto ohurc 10 hear other folks pitched into. don van, to be ranked up myself Jus, the the minister passed along. and with dd b,ous shake of the head he cut short h remarks
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
THE ARKANSAW TRAyELER.
READ s- BEvH4M PRoPRlE TORS.
CURIOUS MEDLEY.

By the lake where droops the willow. Row, brothers row want 10 be an angel And jump linn Crow. An old crow sat on hickory limb None knew him hut to praise; Let me kiss hin for hi> mother. For he smells of SchwriiseF kasr. The minstrel ,o the ar has gone. With banjs on his knee, He woke To hear the sentry's shfiek; There's light m the window for thee 4 frog he would a-~ooing go; His hair ~as eurled 'o kill He used 10 wear sn old great coat, And the sword of Bunker Hull, Oft in the s.iii, nisht.
 Make va, for liberty he cried | won | gs home till morning. With Peggy by my sfd'. l am dying Egypt dying Susannah. don't YOU crH; Know how sublime thing il iS To brush away the blue tailed il. The boy stood on the burning drek, With his baggage check for Troy One oi The fra immortal narnrs. Ills nznie ~z> Pat Mai!oy. Mary had a iiiiie lamb.
 Hc could tale uafold. He had no teeth to cat hoe cake. And hiS spectacles srrr gold. Lay m. lzy o.. Macduff; Man wants but little here brlos For m 10 be queen of May. So kiss mr before go.
 -ErtAa-.r<.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18

There IS story tha, Anna Diekinso broke piece of crockery belonging to
 chamber sci in Ripon hotel. and had pay for the whole set. because the Ian, lord could n0t match it- and that Am took poker and broke the whole set aft she had pald for IL We do not wond, as s,--If she paid for !, she had right break II; Hamlet should be careful ho, ever. and not break crocker. If he on, gets >ato the habit ef l. years mus clap before he can break himself of the prz
 tice--Peees Szs.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18

A French scientist has made some ex- periments recently which % to show that all classes of insects in proportion so their sine. are from fifteen to forty times as strong as horse. If you don't believe in the strength of insect life, watch the velvety little bumble bee, with the tropical polo naise and see him lift a 300 pound pic nc mn out ofthe grass.-Rsess<vasg.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18
Get Even With Them.
Toledo American.

The Bostonians protests against spIrtr- alIsts, crediting Longfellow with so much ; horr@ grammar and intolerable poetry. The sAple facf -. Longfeilow has sui fered everything at the hands of his Pc- etic admirers since he passed over" and probably he has 10 other way 10 get even with them than 10 write communications m the ordinary spirirualistc dialect
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18

The eolored voseSSsoes nO< always wrh the Repuollczis- h GeOrgsA- ! week an infucntsal coiored man took sd of Democrat II was the snoke-hor of Democrat he took the sides from. Tfxas S.fhxxs.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18

When Dance saw Jupiter descending in a shower of gold. she simply remarked: :: a The rain IS ore--Erekasre.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-06-18

Look ou, for Dan Mcclure. He's coming up your way with his train. and he's blind, staving fighting drunk.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14
FOR SALE OR EXCHANGE.
lnraI Department

Miss Anna Hogmire is teaching the spring
term of school at Prospect Lake.
A fire in the furnace company's coal-sheds
at Frutport, cost the company $4,000.
j. M. Crane has been here doing a little
insurance business and calling on old friends
The Township Board has appointed David
woodman, I'd, and Joseph Davey Board OF
Review.
Jay Cummings has a new stock of spring
goods on hand. See the fine things his new
advertisement contains.
The people of Dowagiac and Cassopolis
are agitating the question of q narrow gauge
road between those'two places.
The Democrats have elected majority OF
the board of supervisors of Cass county
Personal prejudice and local feuds did it.
The Gobleville Advertiser has been resur-
rected. G.. Il. Southworth is its editor and
has the ability to make it a very spicy little
sheet.
w. N. Johnson, proprietor of the Dyck-
man House, will sell at auction his entire
furniture, hotel fixtures and livery stock, on
Monday next.
Ed, that Tony" dog of yours will get you
into difficulty yet. Charley won't stand
much more before there will be an assault
and battery case on the docket
Easter services were held in several of thu
churches in this village ON Sunday last. Rev
III. w. Harvey, at the Presbyterian, preached
an able discourse TO well filed house.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14
Hartford Happenings.

School commenced yesterday with full
corps of teachers.
A. III. Chandler is getting lumber and stone
with which to build residence.
Some of our citizens have gone north to
look for land-if-they don't find pigeons.
Mrs. II. p. Phelps who has been spending
q couple of weeks with friends in Kalamazoo.
returned home on Friday last.
Jefferson Dowd, living three miles south
east of town, has several children sick with
diphtheria--not of virulent form.
The pleasant and affable Ed. Johns has
been handing out mail in the place of Kitty
Starks, during the past week.
The election of lady as School Inspector
in our town, as well as in several others in
the county, proves beyond a doubt that pub
lie opinion is advancing in the right direc-
ton.
Rev. l.. w. Earl delivered his lecture on
"Sherman's March to the Sea-" to the Y. M
G. A. at Grand Rapids, on Tuesday evening
last. II was received with marked attention.
We hope to have il here soon.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14

Judge Hilton, after three days hearing
in the estate of Michael Heath, allowed the
claim of Eliza Austin, at $94S.
Last Sunday was the 18th anniversary of
the surrender of Gen. Lee at Appomattox.
On April 9th, 1865, at az o'clock p. m,
Gen. X. T.. Lee signed the terms of capitula-
ton.
8. w. Duncombe has been appointed Re
ceiver of tho Land Office at Aberdeen, Da
kota. The appointment Of Mr.. ID. is good
one, and he will make very able and efi-
cient officer.
| Mrs. j. Tubb, of Lawton, has commenced
suit against.Henry Ford, claiming damages
to the amount of $4,000, for her lacerated
feelings, because the Col. failed to come to
the front as it is alleged he had promised to
do.
About fifty of the friends of Mr.. and Mrs
N. p. Conger, gave them pleasant surprise
on Monday evening, it being the 35th ami
versary of their marriage. The party was
gotten up by their daughters, Lucy and
Hattie, and it had been 30 well planned by
them, that their parents were completely
surprised. number of presents were given
to Mr.. and Mrs. c., among which were be-
tween forty and fifty dollars in gold.
A railroad meeting at Kalamazoo was
largely attended by the business men of that
place, for the purpose of obtaining better
railroad facilities for Kalamazoo, from tho
managers Of the M. G. II. r. Co. 1t is be-
lieved that they will succeed in getting at
least the company to consent to carry pas
sengers on it's freight trains between Decatur
and Galesburg, enabling persons between
Kalamazoo, to go and return the same day.
Samuel Munger left here on Tuesday last
for Escanaba, where he is employed as an
engineer for the North Western Il. II. Go.
Mr.. M. has been an employee of the Paw
Paw X. II. nearly the entire time it has been
built. For years. before the narrow gauge
was built, he run the rickety old "Vulcan"
and drew hundreds of passengers to and
from this place, without single accident
He is quiet, careful and obliging engineer,
been able to secure his services.
Out of the seventy-three applicants at the
examination in Paw Paw, March 3lst, forty
two obtained certificates, az follows, viz:
First Grade--A. Z. Ross and w. p. Squier,
South Haven.
Second Grade-E. f. Bradt, Marcellus; L.
V. Hayden, Bloomingdale.
Third Grade-Anna Abrams, Hattie Brown.
Rhoby Heron, A. j. Jennings, Mary e.
Park, Louie Still, Emma Schneider, Addie
Walton, Paw Paw; Rose Brown, Breedsville
Jennie Boyle, Fannie Breck, Ida Lurkins.
Charles Sewers, Della White, Decatur: Es-
tella BirdseI, Florence Hall, Lawton; F. X.
Bartholomew, Edna Warren, Elvie Warren,
Keller; Nettie CARLY, Josie Donavan, Ida
Gates, Lucy Keene, Nathan Simpson, f. b.
White, Lawrence; Edwin Dayton, Glendale !;
f. l.. Hammond, Allie Knowles, Cora Rug
giles, Orle Shepard, Clara Sweet, Hartford; I;
Mary Killifer, Ella Saxton, Bloomingdale !;
Lizzie Moore, Alice Miner, Rufus Wait, AL
mena f. L. Reed Mattawan S. f. Williams,
, Grand junction.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14
LADIES' HAIR-DRESSING ROOMS

Mrs. +. A. Roberts is now prepared to
Shampoo or Dress Ladies' Hair in latest
styles. She also manufactures Saratoga
Waves and Switches. Hair combings rooted
and made into Waves and Switches in finest
STYLE All work warranted. Genuine Hair
Nets for sale.
Rooms over L. II. Roberts barber shop. in
the Granger block, Paw Paw. 1372tf
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14

Cass Van Auken has at length started for
Colorado.
Farmers are busy plo@ing and sowing
oats, but the prospects are not very Halter
ing for an early harvest
Mrs. Nellie Richmond has returned home.
Hobe Sprague has gone to Grand Rapids.
Mrs. Libbie Robbins and Mrs. BonfoeyN
children left for Nebraska last week.
Mrs. Hubbard Hill has been to Ann hrbor
where she had successful operation per-
formed on one of her eyes.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14

Why will our friends run the risk of be-
coming blind 10y wearing common spectacles,
when they can procure the most perfect arti-
Gle that has yet been made, by calling ON O..
T.. Chappell, the well known Jeweler, and get
pair of lie Mares spectacles. Don't delay.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14
STALLION FOR SALE.

will sell a Night Hawk Stallion . years
old, sired by old Night Hawk, and out of
" Maggie" Harry Durkee's running mare, at
q bargain. Enquire at this Office or at the
residence of the late Elisha Durkee.
l412t3 WILLIS DURKEE.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14

j. Wilcox would inform his friends and the
public that his barber shop, under Sherman
Il Averys, continues to be run on "white ="
basis. New chair, new razors and another
white barber. Give us a call. '69ly
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-04-14

If you are debilitated, feeble or suffering
from mental or physical overwork, use DIR
Fausts German Aromatic Wine.
For sale by Duncombe, Stearns d Co.