The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1882-06-29
IDLE PARAGRAPHS!

THE weather for few days has been as hot as -
mustard.
THE audience "cheered to the echo" because the
further off the orators voice was, the better they
liked it.
NEVER lay up whipping for enemy-you may
never get any bigger, and he may never get any
smaller.
AN Iowa man who heard that the storm clouds
''funnel-shaped' calls his wife 'cyclone." He tells
her it is pretty name.
THE difference between the army worm and the
loafer is that the army takes his bar
ley in the natural state.
"sEvENTY-FIvE persons in Michigan poisoned by
eating cheese" says dispatch. We always supposed
cheese was mite-y good diet.
THE opening of a stand in Jackson where butter
milk is sold by the glass, is strong evidence that
where there's swill there's whey,
CITY Boy, TO PARENT: .Pa, why does the rust
get on the wheat9 ''Tush my son, it rusts because
the thoughtless farmers Leaue 1t out in the rain'
ITO DYE, to dye, for those love, is nobler far
than a CROWN" sang the bald-headed bachelor,
as he colored his beard preparatory to calling on
young lady.
GEN. Joe. Johnston never believer in omens.
The very birds cried "Whip-poor- WILL" all through
Georgia, but Uncle Billy "faxed" it onto Johnston
every time.
To MAKE Oscar wilde-in his knee breeches and
sunfower-an aesthetic success, one would have to
place him in the center of corn-fe1d, to frighten
away the crows.
SPRIGGINs declares his prospective father-in-law
the most liberal man in the world mo matter what
kind of trade I call to make' says Spriggins 'he
always offers 'boot'.''
THE lawyers of Cincinnati played game of base
ball last week. An eyewitness says most of the
ming was toward the "foul-lyin'," and there were
good many double-plays.
YOUNG ladies in New York when out with their
escorts, ca for lunches that cost fifteen to twenty
dollars dish.' Girls, it's good deal more stylish
to call for ten cent dish.
GRACE prejudicen says Uncle Ebony, don't
mount to nothn arter all de melon is bein' cut
an passed around de white boy don't stop to inquire
de color OBJ de hans dat stole it.
SOME of the daily papers calling for the soppage
Of the coming of silver dollars, declaring that 1--WE
have too many of them, already We cannot join
the dailies in this statement.
naturalists sat down to.-Tronton Register.
fine layout for several severe cases of worms
but after all possibly not snaky American whis
ky.
"THE eyes are the windows of the soul,' is an old
saying that is played out in this day of fast young
look at the windows" they appear as the windows
of saloon.
ALMOST every member of Congress has some pet
measure to engineer through. Gen. Tom. Young, of
the Second (Ohio) District has relating inter-
ternal improvements He wants to reduce the tax on
beer and whisky.
SCIENCE has discovered, now, that cooking may be
successfully done by electricity, How convenient!
Instead of building up roaring fire in cook-stove,
this hot weather. might just set his dinner out
doors and let the lightning strike 1t.
MAN living near New Albany, Indiana, had a can
of powder into which some water had obtained en-
trance. He wanted to dry it out all nicely again.
he built up great fire in the stove and set the pow
der in the oven! ?**.
PROVIDENCE sometimes favors even the wicked.
Dan. voorhees, inicting of his able speeches
upon the Senate last week, and when the Senators
were becoming almost frantic, sparrow flew into the
and they Immediately turned their attention to
the sparrow.
1T is very great deluson to suppose that the men
constitute the stronger Set big stout man and
little, delicate to shaking carpet, and the
little woman will the big man out in two min
utes and be fresh herself, though there no
such thing as fatigue.
"THEREs a subject of interest,"" said Nevada
man, as he handed the editor of the County paper
slip of manuscript. 1t was promissory note which
the unfortunate editor had endorsed, year before
for local orator who had since stolen horse and
gone further west to lecture on Political Economy.