Brookings County sentinel. (Brookings, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1890, 1882-07-20
SPICE AND AllSPICE.

NeWs.
GAM broken man," said a poet.
"Well,' said his friend, ~ inferred
that from your pieces"
AN East Tennessee paper heads an
account Of an old lady in the nineties
with "Almost a Centurion"
| MANY a self-made man would have
done better by himself bad he let the
contract out to somebody else.
RISING with the lark is nothing won
derful. Any rooster can beat the lark
on rising. .-Meac Orleans Picayuae.
Do not wear your troubles and mis-
fortunes all on the ontside like an over
coat, but keep them hidden within like
ragged back vest.- LOUeN Citizen.
"HowL that suit yol?" said the
hound pup, as he looked up at the visit
or's window and reminded MIN that the
moon was p.-BaitimOTe american.
"IT is hardly fair in you to steel my
thunder" as the cloud remarked to the
| lightning-rod. "Ob, / should draw il
mild" the rod replied. Tran
script.
WHEN the teacher asked. "What
people live the lopgest?" a little fellow
at the foot of the class promptly spoke
| up: "Barnum's giants. NOrristoUn
| Herald.
SOME one says Pocahontas was myth.
Perhaps she wae; bit he cannot make us
! believe that John Smith was also q myth,
because he still lives, and VT have seen
him. m.-Norristown UerG,d,
SHARKS on tine Atlantic coast are un-
usually stupid this year. They grab at
al old suit stuffed with hay when
school ma'am is ki"king the water not
two reds OFF.
THEY keep right on using the term,
"howIing Wilderness" wheD every body
knows that the biggest bowling thing in
any wilderness in this country is bob
tailed wild cat which cant howl for
shucks. - Detroit Free Press.
PHYSICIAN "Aud is that all YOU are
going TO give me-twenty marks ior forty
visits?" Miser-"I should think that
was enough. Yout must consider that
| if | hadn't been sick yon wouldn't
have had anything. ."-Fyeegende Fiat
| ter.
Two brothers, who were very sue
cessful dentists, built a large and hand
| some house the appearance Of which was
thought to resemble large molar tooth.
| Ii was common remark. See what
brothers can do when they pull to-
gether."
HENS eggs 1900 years old have been
found at st. Elio, France. Their use
fulness for ali purposes must be coDsid-
erably impaired. Even as "tokens OF
regard" for presentation to crank
Hamlets they are utter failures
NorrjstO,On Herald.
MAMMA: Now, Clssy, if you are very
good, and don't cry to sit up when bed
time comes, | will take you out with me
to morrow morning and buy you pretty
toy. Cissy: Oh, ma, how jolly! I'll
go 10 bed directly after tea, and then 1t
will be morning sooner, won't it?-Judy.
"YouNG men," said a tiresome and in-
structive old muff to n group of appren-
| tees, young men should begin at the
bottom of their business and work up.
81 can't" responded one of them.
"Why not?" asked the old muff. Be
cause l am a we'll digger" answered the
apprentice.
"YoU write beautiful hand. wish
that had such hand" said Mr.. Flash
l.
to consider this as proposal ?" asked
the bright lady. Wen-er-yes-if
my wife is willing to let me of, replied
the accomplished Flasher Detroit
Free Press.
az WOULDN'T be in Egypt" said Mrs.
McGill last week, "for all the wealth of
Creosote." Seeing look OF astonish-
ment on the faces of her auditors, she
added: "Creosote, you know, was an
old Roman god, and everything he
touched turned into gold. ."-MarathOn
Independent.
"DIDN'T you tell me, sir, you could
hold the pillow :" said farmer to an
Irlshman whom he had taken on trial.
"Arrah, be aisy now" said Pat; "bow
the deuce can l hould it aud two horses
drawing it away from meP But give it
to me in the barn and beiabers I'll hould
it with any ybody."
IT is reported that English detectives
have proved useless in Ireland, on ac-
count of their accent. We should think
so. Il rather gives a fellow away,
baioye, when he walks into land LEAGUE
meeting In a damp cave and asks, Beg
pawd'n, y'know. but ave ye seen such
thing 40 suspect about ere, y'know ]!
Puck.
IT was the cat: A Chattanooga negro
was looking up chimney, when a bolt
of lightning came down and stripped the
buttons of his vest. When he got his
breath, he remarked that if he bad
known that cat was up there, and calcu-
lating to come down, he wouldn't have
got In the way for five dollars. Boston
Post.
WHEN be was eating fast and furiously,
piiing in the food as farmers do hay into
the barn on the eve OF a thunder-shower
in June, the head waiter stepped up,
and said: "Beg pardon, sir, but there's
no train out tonight" 81 know 1t,
said the man, with his mouthinl, "and
that's why I'm hurrying to catch good
nights sleep "-Hotet Mail
"FArHKR," he suddenly remarked as
he looked up into the pateinai face,
"you are awful good to ma. Am
Well, hope treat her as a husband
should devoted wife," "And it's all
over town how liberal You are to her,.
"How; what do you mean?" why,
| heard three or four men on the car say
that all you had in the world was IN her
name?" "Yes-ahem-yes- Set 10
bed, sir; and next time you hear people
living about me don't listen to what they
say!"- Wall Street NeUs.
JOHNNY thought it would be nice to oe
a giraffe; for then he could stand ON the
ground and eat the apples, pears and
cherries that grew on Farmer Jones
trees. beyond the danger of dogs and
hear traps. and could also taste the good
things all the way down his neck. But
Johnny had sore throat the other day,
and as he laid his head on his pillow
upon retiring. he confidentislly remarked
that he was glad ne wasn't giraffe, after
all. A giraffe with two or three yards OF
sore throat dwarfed his own afiiiction IN
TO nothingness by comparison. Boston
Transcripts.