Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1882-01-11
HUMOROUS.

Clvn service reform: 81 come over to
see about your boy" ssld ne,ghbor lat
evening. ''He's very Troublesome abou:
my house. He has been throwing rotten
apples into my front yard and calling my
wife Old Molly Grubbs. ''And l was
going over to see you about your boy, !"
was the rejolnder. s.He chalked my
woodsbed ali over with picture Of my
wife driving me out of the back yard with
kettle of water In one hand aud q broom
in the other" 'Is that 80? Then l go In
for civil service reform within our fami-
h.s' The boys never knew what they
were clicked" for that night.
A HIGHLAND gentleman on the point OF
starting for the United States, left his
purse, containing hundred pounds at the
railway ststion. On his return to has ma
tive town The purse was brought to him by
clerk, who expected q slight recognition.
The laird took the purse, and counted the
money. and then looked inquiringly at the
clerk, who SAID in sstonishment, 'Isn't 1t
right, slrl" ..Richtf Mo-" was the quick
response, "whiur's the interest.
IT is told about q Los Vegas giri: While
sitting under tree ut Mineral City wait.
ing for her lover. q cinnamon bear came
long and approaching from behind began
TO hug her. She thought 1t was her king
of men and 80 leaned back and enjoyed 1t
hugely, murmuring, tighter" Ii broke
the bea- all up, and he retreafed to the
hills and bid in the forest three days to get
over the modification.
An Oil City boy was recently taken to
the opera house by his uncle. A few even
ings subsequently there was company at
his house, and .he unc.e and aunt were
among the number The lad was relating
what be saw, among other things said: 81
was little bit afraid, cos every time the
curtain rolled down uncle went out TO see
q man, and left me alone"
In little town In the south of EDglsnd
lady teacher was exercising class Of
juveniles In mental arithmetic. She CON-
menced the question, ''If you buy COW
for two pounds" when up cane little
hand. .'What is 1t Johnnyf" "Why you
can t buy NO kind of COW for two pounds;
father sold one for ten pounds the other
day, and she was u regular old scrub at
that"
'WHY, how odd you look with your
hair parted IN the middle!' exclaimed Mrs.
Brown. 81 used to part mine on the
side" said Mrs. Jones. Then the conver-
.ation became general. Each lady had to
tell how she par led her hair-ail but little
Edith's mother. She said nothing. Sud-
denly little Edith's voice was heard.
my mamma parts her hair In her lap"
BR,GG hired cobb the other day to take
little exercise He got more exercise
than be wanted; and as he limped to the
side of the road to rest himself kind
friend asked him, "What did you come
down so quick for?" What did come
down 50 quick fori' Did you see anything
up there for me to hold on to?'' he asked
grmly.
WHAT is that which has three feet but
no legs, is al body but no limbs, has no
toes on the feet, no head, moves q great
deal but never uses its legs for mat pur-
pose, has one foot at each end and one in
in the centre of the body? 1t never walks
out, but goes with one foot where the had.
might be, dragging the other foot behind
Answer-a yardstick.
THERE is an lows clergyman who
charges for the performance of a marriage
ceremony according to the weight of the
parties--two cents pound for The bride
groom and four cents pound for the
bride. In that parish 1t Is not an uncom-
mon thing TO hear young man reIlark,
mo, darling, it cannot be immediaiely
you are too fat.
RUBs against whetstones: ''Oh, yes"
said The broker: .'On, yes; he's sharp; he's
Eery sharp. But then he Is like most
sharp men, he ne ser cuts any thing unless
ii is softer than HIMSELF
IN the street car: Blonde: "They say
Carrie is engaged" Brunette: Engaged,
why she was married a month ago and
has just sued for divorce" Blonde:
"How romantic. Isn't it splenGid?'
FINANCIAL and Commercial: '.ln mer-
camille houses 1t is ALWAYS deemed best 10
be cautious IN crossing the rs and dot
ting the ''s' but in broken banks the
defaulting cashiers chief thought is to
cross the c's."
NoI too funny: '.Dwo vas schoost
enough, budt dree vas too blendty," re
marked Hans when his best girl asked HIM
to take her mother along with them to a
dance.
~
Worse and more of it: "You think your
self awfully smart, said Brown to Fogg,
who had Just uttered sharp thing. 'Uh,
no. " replied Fogg, 81 think you smart"
j. w. RILEY has poem on "The Lost |
Kiss He doesn't make il very plain as
10 how he lost ii; but 1t is presumed her
mother came IN just in time TO catch him |
at it.
ALCOHOL was first invented and used to |
stain the cheeks of the ladies of ArabIB |
96S years ago. 1t now stains noses iand |
characters.
A NAN who buys Confederate bonds |
will make a ornament investment. They
will be just as good in the year 1000 as
they are to-day.
NORWAY has discovered thst telegraph
lines scare the wolves away. They are :
probably afraid of the extortionate rates.
WHEN 1t comes to gathering in chicke, 8
the darkie's hour is Just before the dawn.
ToIsoRIAL item: 'I'm down on you"
as his small mustache remarked t1 the
yoIthful Plllikens.
RheuD'dtts1a Is 30 rare IN the earlier
years of life as to be hardly even mentioned
by such writers as West and Vogel. Dr.