The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-06-30
aUMOR.

TIE gold miner gets bis Deer Dy
quartz.
CHARITY covers multitude Of church
lotteries.
A coRN.popaKR-A man who avoids
wearing tight boots.
"MIsERY may like company, says
colored philosopher; "but I'd raider hao
de rhumatiz in one leg den ter hab 1T In
bofe."
EVERY man is fond OF striking the nail
ON the head but when it happens to be
the finoer-nail, his enthusiasm becomes
wild and incoherent.
Isrr because man is made from dust
that he is always dry? And is 1t not
trne that when he wishes to dampen
himself he has to part with some OF MS
dust.
The Philadelphia Press says that the
mark of ga perfect gentleman Ii hls
making sure that nobody is looking be-
fore he wipes his mouth on the table,
cloth.
TooTsY, on making the horrible dis
coyery that her kitten had whiskers
"Ma, don't want dis tat Dis Is q
man tat / want dirl tat l want
dirl tat y
SOME scientist now observes that even
the clam has parasites. He would have
observed as much before if he had ever
noticed the crowd around free clam
chowder. -LOUeU Citizen
THE great joiner-the lawyer. He
can replace tenant, impanel jury,
box witness, bore the court, chisel his
client, augur the gains, floor witness,
nail the case, hammer the desk, file his
bill, and gouge the whole community.
A LITERARY reviewer says: Edward
l.. Anderson has written book 'On
Horseback" Some authors are very
eccentric. If the horse was trOtting at
the time his manuscript must have
looked like the inscription on the Egyp-
tian obellsk. Herald.
The most absent-minded man was
not the man who hunted for his pipe
when it was between his teeth, nor the
man who threw his hat out of III VIM
dow and tried TO hang his cigar on a
peg; but the man who put his UNI
brella to bed and went and stood behind
the door.
ScENE-A ward in Scotch infirmary.
Lady visitor: Are they kind to you
here ?" Patient (who is recovering from
his illness and is very hungry: "Na,
never get hauf ma full" Lady visitor:
"Indeed. Could you eat an egg ?" Pa
TENT EAT an egg! Could a eat twa?
Mem, l could eat the chap that laid
them"
TRIBULATIoNs Of the truly good Cler-
gyman (who suddenly discovers that he
has given hackman the counterfeit
half dollar that he was anxious to de-
stroy): eli, hackman, I've made mis-
take !" Hackman (who has palmed off
a bad quarter in change and is hurriedly
driving Off: "No, sir; you will find it
quite correct.
A LADY of uncertain age looks unut-
terable on the street at gentleman, who
thereupon ventures to offer his umbrel-
La. How dare you speak to me, sir q
she demands, In apparent anger. 81
beg you not to be offended. L could not
resist offering you simple courtesy"
he replies, adding, as her anger shippers
away, "you look so exactly like my
mother" Somehow she sends along
with look that would have taken the
glazing off stone jar.
"WERE you actively engaged in the
late war ?" asked a stranger in Austin of
Gen. JEFF Brakeman. "Ob, Yes, L was
very actively engaged in shipping cot
ton to Europe during the war" "Then
how did you come to be called Cen
eral p" "Well. you see, 1 made money
during the war, and afterward the boys
came home poor, and wanted to borrow
O little money. LGenerally loaned it to
them, and that's how came to be called
General, and it has stuck to me ever
since. "-7eras Sytin9s.
FAITHFUL ROONEY" the servant of
Mr.. McDonogh, an eminent Dublin bar
rister, who died recently, was almost as
well known as his master. During
long vacation Mr.. McDonogh, who was
a great dandy, and very vain OF his per-
sonal appearance, promenaded daily on
the parade at Brighton, umbrella ex-
banded to keep off the suns rays, the
faithful Rooney following at a respectful
distance in his wake. Poor Rooney at
length grew tired of the promenading,
and taxed his wits to get holiday. OPP
portunity ere long arose. His master
inquired what the people said of him;
were they not struck by his distingue
appearance, etc. Rooney scratched his
head, and answered, "Och, sure, your
Honor might be vexed if 1 tould."
"Not at all. l command you to tell
me-" said the lordly Frank. "Well,
sir" said Rooney, with pretended diff
dence, "when they see me following
your Honor, they say that you are
lunatic, and I'm your keeper" Roo
ney," said Mr.. McDonogh, in awful ac-
cents. 81 must go Without you in flu.
ture."
A MissOurian's Reflection.
Mrs. Laura Dainty was reading ont