River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-05-25
SQUIBS.


Mark Twain win pass the summer at
Elmira, N. Y, writing his book on the
Mississippi river.
Stonewall Jackson's eye glasses are
for sale in a show window on Market
street, Louisville, KY.
The colored bell would wear bangs if
she could do so without pulling the
wool over her own eyes.
1t was Longfellow who shyly de-
scribed the lady as wearing flowers "on
the congregation side OF her bonnet"
Chief Justice John Appleton, Of
Maine, last Thursday completed thirty
years of active Judiciary service,
A dispatch from Berne, Switzerland,
says that Colonel Fret has been APP
pointed Swiss Minister to Washington.
The old home of Henry Clay, in
Lexington, KY, has been sold for $50
600. 1t includes 324 acres of choice
land.
Ex-senator Joseph Cilley, of New
Hampshire, now 81 years of age, has
recovered from his recent severe i'll
ness.
Justice Stanley Matthews of the Uni
ted States Supreme Court, will sit in
the Circuit Court at Cleveland, o., June
Is.
Ex-Secretary Blaine is said to have
made 100000 by investing in mine
in Colorado which was recently sold in
London.
Mr.. Mackey, the California bonanza
man, will build hotel in London FIVE
times as large rs any Of the London
hotels.
Rev. Donald Campbell McLaren, in
his day regarded as one of the strong
est men in the Presbyterian denomi-
nations in Western New York, died at
his home in Geneva, in that state, re-
Gently.
The city of Boston will give twenty
four open-air concerts during the Sum
mer, divided among ten military bands.
Sunday afternoon concerts will be given
on the Common, beginning at 5o'clock.
Miss Anna Foster, the youngest
daghuter of Governor Foster, of Ohio.
is to be married in few weeks to Mr..
Mussey, the Governors private secre-
tary. They will take bridal journey
to Europe.
She (encouragingly)-" Your step
suits mine, exactly" He Enormously y
80 glad to hear you say so; | know
Pm such bad Walter"
Imitation seal-skin, made of silk, is
manufactured in New Jersey. The
man with fourteen daughters will move
into New Jersey in the fall.
An Iowa woman wrote to Queen Vic
toria asking her if she intended to
wear hoops the coming summer, and
she has been to the postoffice over
twenty times without receiving a re-
ply.
Three stuffed mice adorn the hat of
belle of New Orleans. AS they are
three blind mice it is probable that the
gentlemen look at them to "see how
they rum"
Mrs. Ramsbotham has sone very
valuable jewelry. Zone brooch" she
says, sis most precious, is associated
with Biblical history, for it came from
Palestine, and is made of solid Anal
ekite."
When they find a skeleton in Ten
nessee gulch there is also some old
woman who can remember the tin
peddler who mysteriously disappeared
exactly thirty two years ago.
The difference between dog and a
boy consists in the fact that when the
dog finds scent he doesn't spend il
for candy.
A witty lady, who is, however, some
what given to exaggeration, was trying
to tell a friend what poor appetite
she had, and said, :" i eat very little; a
flea would be barbecue for me-"
We are told that "at Pompeii combs
have been found exactly like the mod
ern fire-tooth kind" This would in
dicate-well, you catch the idea!
A New York engraver recently made
this mistake: "Mr. and Mrs. - re-
spectfully request your presents at the
marriage of their daughter"
Patrick dressing for a partyl-"Be-
dad now, and sha'nt be able to git on
these boots till I've worn thin a tonne
or two"
A Colorado miner had piece of inch
gas pipe driven through him, and yet
lived three days, or until the man who
read the meters came along and WAS
going to charge him up 900 feet.
A New Jersey farmer set an old straw
stack on fire to scare out a fox, and
three tramps crawled out of the smoke
and upbraided him for his careless
ness in mot first iabbing around with
pitchfork to see if there was any one
there.
An Illinois man, with a foresight
worthy of a better cause, popped the
question on a railroad train, and now
the maiden is at loss to decide as to
which county she had better COM
mence proceedings in for breach of
promise.
Now that ladies' bonnets are made of
glass, such remarks as these will fall on
our ears: George, dear, / think you
might get me a cut-glass bonnet, like
Mrs. Sprouts, instead of making me
wear this horrid thing made of COM
mon lager-beer glass;"
Elephants, it is believed, can be
taught to play billiards. If so, it will
be a great relief to young men who are
now obliged to give up SO much of
their valuable time to this work.
Sophronia-"C the weather pro-
phets foretell sudden transforms in
summerf" They could, probably, if
they knew the dates on which Sunday
school picnics would be held.
The trout season has begun down
east The polls open with about the
usual proportion, four liars to one
trout, and none of the upper wards in
yet.
Thank kind Providence for the
decorated banjo craze. After banjo
is decorated, it can not be played on
without spelling the pictures. Now,
won't some good angel start mania
for decorating accordeons.
In introducing Charles Dudley War
nor ouca of a Yi1hlic dinnar Mark