Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-10-07
SATURDAY SMILES.

In land OF history: They do say that the first
question asked by q deacon visiting Egypt was:
CHOW, what were the real facts Of the Potiphar
standardization Posi-
A chance for an inference: "Some cursed
scoundrel tucked q plugged half dollar OF on
me, )" he said. Cant you pass ft?" asked his
friend. 'Well, / don't know, he said, 'sbut you
bet shall try."-Boston Posi-.
Shakespearean notes. It was after having his
eyes all summer outraged by the UBIQUITOUS
polka-dotted dress that Macbeth in moment Of
anger cried, ''Out, damned spoil" Under the
Transcript.
An old aeud: The feeling between ague and
quinine IL exceedingly bltter.-Brecken,idge
Ne,cs
Political: Government oficial-"Patrick.
were you minor when you landedin America"
Candidate for naturalization-"No,y your honor,
was bricklayer. "-Hdrtford Times.
Sympathy: .'How are your" said Fogg, greet
ing Brown. Brown-'Not very well; I'm just
would give something handsome to know just
what FOgg was sOrry for.-Boston Transcript:
As good as his bond: "How's Shuttle? What's
anxious broker. Shuttle? Why. his word Is
as good as his bond" "And what's his bond
WORTH" "About three cents on q dollar
Boston Globe.
smart customer Customer:-ssWhat do Won
ask for your half-dollar tea?" Shopman:-''Well,
our regular price is seventy-fve cents. but I'll
let you have it for sixty, only don't mention 1t,
please" Customer is fattened and takes
pound at once When he comes to think it
over afterwards his mind grows unsettled. but
having given his word and being an honorable
man. he doesn't mention it.-Boston Transcript.
You know these little spindles made of an up-
right wire about eight inches long, sharp at one
end and set in base Of iron. People ha
them on desks to put papers and letters on, and
the other day gentleman who left silk hat on
chair in an office CHANGED to see one of those
spindes Ona desk and put it under the hat. and
the fellow who thought it would be good joke
to stroll in and, apparently by accident, sit down
upon that hat and smash 1t, came to the con-
clusion that he had exercised fearful bad judg-
ment.-BOst0n Post.
A pleasant message: cts the doctor in?"
"Naw )" answered the stalwart Irish girl who re-
spOnded to the bell. 'Why isn't he in?" s'Be-
Gaze he's acoronoor." "What took him away?"
he return" "How shu'd l know" ''Is there
back?" '.Yis, tell 'em towld We to ask if the
corpse wouldn't kape. "-Broohlyn Eagle.
"Do you know in what month of the year my
wife talks the least3"
"wel suppose when she catches cold and
loses her voice."
''NOt at all. 1t is in February"
"Why Is that?'
because February has the fewest days.
"Marie, what's that strange noise at the
gate2"
Seats, SIR"
'Cats! Well, when I was young, cats didn't
wear long hats and smoke cigars"
"Times are changed, sir "
young lady says that males are of no ac-
count from the time the ladies stop kissing
them as infants till they commence kissing them
as lovers.
1t was very rude in the old bachelor who was
told that certain lady 'had one foot in the
grave" to ask ''if there wasn't room Tor both
feet"
Says Michelet: "Woman is the Sunday of
man." Fosg says Sunday is always -tilesome
day.-Boston Transcript.
A most delightful paradox: Girls are prettiest
at all seasons OF the year.-Ne,o Orleans Plea
ytne.
good shot: A New York man. desiring to
commit suicide, shot at himself four times with
out hitting He will probably be given po-
sition on the American rifle team in the next in
ternational shooting match.-Norristo,cn
Herald
Vindication wanted A domestic is being sent
away. madame, If you wish to look at my
trunk" 1T is useless, girl" Madame, 1
insist Six months ago you Lost ten francs T
know you suspect me Of having found it, and
wish you to see that do not carry it away in
my trunk!"-French Paper.
Ono, papa. do not wish to marry vet What
want is man who does not drink, smoke,
chew, snuff, go out nights, gamble, bet, over
eat, ETC.. in short, a man with no vices, and one
who is always good" my daughter" said Mr.
Dusenberry, "you are but stranger here /;
heaven is your home"
When a man has no mind Of his own he can
always find woman who will give him piece
of hers.
A cynical lady. rather inclined to f1irt, says
most men are like cOlds-very easily caught, but
very difficult to get rid of.
This is the way to get rich in the west, farm
ing: Take all of your produce to the market;
cattle, and what the cattle won't eat eat your
self. If you follow this rule strictly for ten
years you will become as rich as an editor
Rochester Post Express
When circus goes into bankruptcy out west,
the clowns have no difficulty in securing posi-
lions on some of the Chicago papers.
Arabella.-" Yes,I think this sweet pug is lust
perfection. Don't yOu?" George with feel
ing.)-"No not exactly; but 1 do think he is
very near perfection"
To can watermelons one must get up early
The melon is usually stolen before daylight
Ne,e Orleans Picay,nae
Blasted hopes: "Can you find room for a scribe
on your paper?" "Not unless you want to sub
scribe" And again was that scholarly youth
acknowledgements Sunday Times.
No gentleman: A Chicago minister makes
note OF the fact that he has never seen lady
reading newspaper in street car. Well? He
has never seen lady smoking on a Car plat
form, either, has he? 1t simply goes to show
that lady Is no gentleman.-SauannahI Tunes.
Taking his vacation Jenkinson is having his
fortnight of. AS he was leaving the house the
other morning, Mrs. J. presented her lips fort
customary parting KISS but Jenkinson, the
brute, turned on his heel with the remark,
Not this morning, 'Tilda; I'm on my vacation.
you know" Evidently Jenkinson is bound to
get all the recreation possible out Of his vaca-
tion.-Boston Transcript
How Mary cut her hand: "Come, Mary"
said Henry the other evening as they were pre-
pairing the church vestry for the monthly meet
Ing, You can't lend hand, can't you?' said
Mary. quite demurely: "And If did lend hand
are you quite sure you wouldn't keep it!" ''NO,
by George" exclaimed Henry. his face tighten
ing up with a new revelation ''No am sure
wouldn't give it up, never-never-never!','
Ofcourse they were married and Of course they
lived happily everln afterwards Boston
f1nf