The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1882-02-11
THE PACIFIC
Commercial A0bertlser
A Speech by Mark Twain.

On the occasion of Mark Twain's recent visit
to Montreal, Canada, he was entertained at
dinner, that compliment being rendered him by
$50 leading citizens. The usual toasts to - The
Queen +" and The President of the United
States " having been duly honOred, sour Guest
was next drank.
Mark Twain responded to this in a speech that
excited much merriment. He first explained
that bis business in Canada had reference to pro-
curing a copyright, facetiously disowning all con-
nection with the diamond robbery or dynamite
explosion that morning reported in the news
papers, and thought his declaration was sufficient
to set the public right on this matter, inasmuch
as he never uttered an untruth except for prac-
tice. He then went on TO say suppose one
must come in the summer to get the advantage
of the Canadian scenery. a cabman drove me
two miles up a perpendicular bill in a sleigh,
and showed me an admirable snow storm from
the nights of Quebec. | could have seen the
snow storm as we'll from the hotel window, and
saved my money. ~(Laughter.) | saw the Plains
of Abraham and the spot where the laInentcd
Wolfe stood when he made the memorable re-
mark that he would rather be the author of
Gray's Elegy than take Quebec. But why did
he say so rash a thing 1t was because he sup
posed there was going to be an international
copyright. (Laughter.) Otherwise there would
be no money In 1t. l was also shown the spot
where Sir William Pbips stood when he said he
would rather take a walk than take two Quebecs,
duu III lODh u INK. ATleDehCu ItuBUlST Il
have looked with emotion here in your city upon
the monument which makes forever memorable the
spot where HoTatio Nelson did not stand when he
fell. l have seen the cab which Champlain en-
ployed when he arrived overland at Quebec |
have seen the horse which Jacques Cartier rode
when he discovered Montreal. (Laughter.) |
have used them both. | will never do 1t again.
(Renewed laugh,er.) Yes, | have seen all the
historical places the localities have been pointed
out to me where the scenery is warehoused for
the season. (Merriment.) My sojourn has been
to my moral and intellectual profit. | have be-
haved with p~ropriety and discretion, | lave
meddled nowhere but in the election. daughter. }
| am used to voting, for | live in a town where, VI
you may judge by the local prints, there are only
TWO conspicuous industries, committing buTglarIes
and holding elections, and | like to keep my
hand in it. (Great laughter.) So | voted a good
deal here. Where so many of the guests are
French the p~ropriety will be recognized of my
making a portion of my speech in the beautiful
language, in order that | may be understood.
(Cheers.) | speak French with timidity and not
flowing. except when excited. When using that
language | have often noticed that | have hardly
ever been mistaken for a Frencbman, except
perhaps by horses-never 1 believe by people.
Continuous laughter.l | had hoped that mere
French construction, with English words, would
answer, but this is not the case. | tried it at a
geDtleman's house in Quebec, and it would not
work. The maid servant asked, a. What would
Monsieur! L salo, "NOnSleur sO-and-sO-, Is he
with himself. (Cheers and laughter.) She did
not understand. | said, 'Is it that he is still not
returned from his house of merchandise. More
laughter.) She did not understand that either. |
said "He will desclate himself when he learns
that his friend American was arrived here, and
he not with himself to shake him at the hand. 8"
(Uproarious langhter.) She did not even under
stand that. don't know why, but she didn't,
and she lost her temper besides. (Cachination.)
Somebody in the rear called out. " Qui est done
Ia" or words to that effect. She said, "Ce'st un
fou. " and shut the door on me. cloud and
prolonged laughter.) Perhaps she was right, but
how lid she ever find that out, for she had never
seen me before till shat moment. But as | have
already intimated, | will close this Grafton with
a few sentences in the French language. (Laugh-
ter.) | have not ornamented them. | have not
burdened them with flowers Of rhetoric, for 10 my
mind that literature is best and most endearing
which is characterized by a noble simplicity. j al
lie beau bouton dor de mon oncle, mais je mai pas
celui du charpentier. (Great laughter.) ST vOus
ayez lie frontage du brave menuIsier c'est bon,
mais 81 vous ne lavez pas, ne Sc desole pas.
Prenez lie chapeau de drap noir de son beau irere.
(Renewed laughter.) Malade tout a l'heure
savoir fare quest ce que vous dit pate de fois
gras, revenons a nous moutons pardon, messeurs,
pardonnez moi essayant a parler la belle, langue
d'Olendorff strains me more than you can pos
sibly imagine. But l mean we'll, and I've done
the best | could. daughter and cbeers.)