Daily Los Angeles herald., 1882-05-17
FUN, FACT AND FANCY.

Calling for a division of the house:
Filing petition for divorce.
American cigars are popular wherever
they are supposed to be imported.
Virginia drinkers find there is nothing
like Readjustment to make a Bourbon
sour.
1t takes girl about four hours longer
to wash the front windows of house
than the back windows.
Jim Keene intends to call his wonder
full new colt Slander, because it goes so
fast when it gets started.
A genealogist is like grammarian in
one thing-he is always looking up the
antecedents of his relatives.
The First Brigade of Illinois militia is
without General. This accounts for
the sassy attitude of Europe.
A manufacturer advertises, 1.-The
strongest and cheapest bed in the
market" He must mean an onion bed.
A lecturer is telling "How we hear. "
It is easily told. Somebody tells friend
of ours, and tells him not to tell; that's
the way we hear.
Adelaide Detchon, the actress, is ac-
cused OF being 1.-THE most beautiful wo-
man in the world" by a writer in the
Graphic. He's gone and got her hated
by the whole SEX"
It is said that William Pitt could elec-
trify the House of Commons by simply
pronouncing the word "sugar." The
British Parliament is as easily affected
by taffy as any one else.
The clergymen at Lampasses supply
the prisoners in jail with manuscript
sermons to read during their leisure
hours. The way of the transgressor is
hard, very hard.-Teras Sittings
At dinner one man gave his fork to
another with "Just stick that fork into
that potato for me, will you?" His
unneighborly neighbor did as he was
requested, and left it sticking there.
A new song is entitled: "Be Kind to
the Foreigner Who Lands on Our
Shores It seems to us that this song
will never do for temperance gathering,
for it is a sort of back an alien song.
The Brooklyn bridge is now the real
bridge of size The Venetian imposi-
tion should be promptly kicked into the
dust bin. Steal was largely used in the
construction of the Brooklyn bridge.
Queen Victoria will be presented Oh
her next birthday anniversary with a
congratulatory address, signed by so, 900
women of Canada. The idea of con.
graduating woman on being one year
older!
''Did you execute this instrument
without fear or compulsion from you
husband ?" blandly asked the Judge o.
wife who had signed deed "Fear
Compulsion He compelled me You
don't know me Judge"
New York's Society for Meddling with
Other Peoples Affairs has decided that
a seven year-old girl may sing at church
concerts as much as she pleases, but must
not sing on the stage of public hall or
theatre. This is an admirable decision.
The Boomerang. with charitable mod
esty, jogs the memory of Cabinet
officer, as follows: "Will Secretary
Teller please save safe and remunera-
tive Indian agency for the editor of this
paper?" An Indian cemetery with a
salary of SO, 500 for keeping the occu-
pants on the reservation would be about
our size.
How pleasant it is to gaze ON the inno-
cent amusement of happy childhood
There is little Johnny playing beside the
newly painted fence. He draws his
dainty finger over the moist surface,
making beautiful arabesques and unde-
cipherable hieroglyphics that would set
an antiquary into Mysteries of joy.
Johnny's new suit is made picturesque
by its borrowings from the fence, and his
face and hands are effectually disguised
in the pigment. Happy, careless, inno-
cent childhood! And here comes John
ny's mother. How eagerly she seizes
her darling How closely she hugs him
in her fond embrace How she has dis
appeared with her darling within doors.
What are these sounds which issue
thence! 1t is Johnny's voice. Is he
laughing merrily over the remembrance
of his recent sport? Possibly; but it
does not sound like laughter. Again we
say, Happy, happy childhood