Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-04-27
INVES TIGATING LIGHT LITERA-
TURE.
Blood and Thunder Ranch Ruled b,
an Irate Mother.
Brooklyn Eagle. |

tBrooklyn Eagle
The other day stout woman, armed with
an umbrella and leading Il small urchin
| called at the office of New York bovs' story
paper.
is this the place where they tight In
dianS:' she inquired of the gentleman in
charge. ''Is this the locality where the brave
boy charges up the caf1On and speeds q
bullet to the heart of the dusky red skin ~
and she jerlled the urchin around by the ear
and brought her umbrella down on the desk
I'VE publish stories for boys,' replied the
young man evasively.
II want to know if these are the premises
on which the daring lad springs upon his fiery
mustang and darting through the circle of
thunderstruck savages, cuts the captive's
cords and bears him away before the Won
dering Indians have recovered from their as
tonishment! That's the information Pm
after. want to know if that sort of thing
is perpetrated here!" and she swung the
umbrella around her head and launched a
crack at the young mans head
i don't remember those specific acts,
protested the young man.
Want to know if this is the precinct
where the adventurous boy jumps on the
back of the buffalo and with unerring aim
picks off one by one the blood thirsty pur-
suers who bite the dust at every crack of
his faithful rifle I'm looking for the place
where that sort of thing happens :" and this
time she brought the unlucky young man a
tremendous whack across the back.
II think" commenced the dodging vic
tim.
'Im in search OF the shop in which the
boy road agent holds the quivering stage
driver powerless with his glittering eye
while he robs the male passengers with an
adroitness born of long and tried experience
and kisses the hands of the lady passengers
with a gallantry of bearing that bespeaks
noble birth and chivalrOus nature !" scream
ed the woman, driving the young man into
the corner. I'm looking for the apartment
in which that business is transacted" and
down came the umbrella with trip hammer
force on the young mans head.
Upon my soul, ma'am-' gasped the
wretched youth.
II want to be introduced to the jars in
which you keep the boy scouts Of the Sier
ras +! Show me the bins full of the boy de-
tectives of the prairie Point out to me the
barrels full of boy pirates of the Spanish
main p and with each demand she dropped
the umbrella ON the young mans skull, un-
til he skipped over the desk and sought safe
ty in neighboring canyon.
"Ill teach 'em," she painted, grasping the ur
chin by the earand leading him off. I'll teach
'em to make it good or dance. Want to 60
fight Indians any more? Want to stand
proudly upon the pinnacle of the mountain
and scatter the plain beneath with the bleed
ing bodies of the uncounted slain? Want to
say 'histn in a tone that brooks no contra
diction? Propose to spring upon the taffrail
and with ringing voice OF command send
broadside into the richly laden valley and
then mercifully spare the beautiful maiden
in the cabin, that she may become your
bride? Eh going to do it any more?"
With each question she hammered the
yelping urchin until his bones were sore and
he protested his permanent abandonment of
all the glories enumerated
"Then come along" said she, taking him
by the collar. Let me catch you with any
more ramrods and carving knives, and you'll
think the leaping. curling, resistless prairie
fire had swept with ferocious roar of tri-
umph across the trembling plains and lodged
in your pantaloons to stay"'