Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-12-01
POSSIBLE WIT.


show which way the trade winds
blow
Baltimore has girl Is years old
who has eloped three times. She
doesn't propose to die of ennui.
Did you ever notice how exces-
>ively polite is the Indifference a wife
reserves for her husbands friends?
If young lady bids you take
heart.'lt is by no means certain that
you can take hers.
There are any amount of people in
this country who think that Art
closed its books and retired from
business with the making of their
last pair of pants.
The application of Brigham
Young for license to marry his first
wife Mary Ann Angel, is on file at
Chardon, o. Wonder how many
angels the gay old man married with
out license after that?
Railway officials are undecided as
to their right to remove a coat or
vallse from seat tempo rarily vacat-
ed. Many man has spent a few
months in prison for doing the same
thing. Look out
Venerable, white haired colored
servants are the newest craze among
families who live largely on their
pedigree. And the shrewd darkey
now gets his hair bleached and sim
ulates infirmity.
Let the Monday washing and a
yearling calf spend the night in the
same back yard and that part of the
washing left outside of the calf will
be in good shape to feed the goat on.
The other day the young Car was
discovered standing in one corner of
his palace lodging big rubber foot
balls which his attendant was throw
ing at him. 1t is supposed he was
practicing for his coronation.
The six dollars -a-week young man
uses cream-laid initialled stationery
when he writes to his girl, but the
merchant worth a million finds q
half-sheet of common note-paper
and a blue envelope quite good
enough for his purpose.
A gypsy fortune-teller got hold
of baseball players hand the other
day and attempted to map out his
future. She concluded that a new
world would have to be made to fur
nlsh the checkered career in store for
him.
The headlines of the Philadelphia
Times get mixed up the other day.
One reading: More Nonsense than
Wit" was put over a column of para
graphs including quotation from this
paper, instead of over the leading
editorial, where it evidently belonged.
"What part of Mondays paper do
you read tirst?" inquired shoemaker
of tailor. "Oh, 1 just glance over
the sheer nonsense, and then take up
the thread of the Sunday discourses,"
replied the needle driver.
In Boston landladies do not adver-
tise for "boarders." They merely
announce through the columns of an
influential and respectable journal
that it would afford them great pleas
ure to cater to the idosyncrasies of q
few ''remunerative guests"
Amongst the many who went to the
Presidents reception at Alexandria
Bay was an old lady who ON coming.
out was seized by the right hand by
one of the bystanders, who eagerly
asked, what did be say to youi"
Disengaging the right she presented
the left hand and replied, "Shake my
left hand, the President had that
one."
Pride often exhibits itself at an
early period in the human breast.
Two little cousins, about five years
old, We're chatting about the wealth
of their respective papas, when one
said: MY pas awful rich. My pa
lives in a big brick house." The
other, with touch of infantile sar-
casm, replied: "Well, don't care if
your pa does live in a big brick
house. you've got my shirt on, any
way"
A lover of his race--The turfman.
An editor up at Newport has a
wife who also talks in her sleep.
Mr.. Diamond is in business at
Pittsburg. It's a wonder he hasn't
been stolen.
A New York journal longs to see a
picture of Mr.. Hayes on United
States bond.
A telephone that wouldn't say
Snooks for Blannerhasset would be q
great help.
A Hartford man is acquiring pop.
ularity by dining on English sparrow
pie once a week.
General Wolseley is a one-eyed
man. If he was only bow-legged as
we'll, he might readily be taken for .
bicycle rider.
The ArkGnsdW Trareler's old black
man says: "De man what tries ter
be a boy amt got half as much sense
as de boy what tries ter be man."
The Gotham glutton says: "In
making salad dressing, miser should
pour out the vinegar, a spendthrifth
the oil and madman stir the whole"
Three persons have just been fined
IN Washington for profanity. Wash.
iington Furnishes everything but steal
ing.
you We're with my poor hus-
band when he diedp Yes, madam.
L was with him. I gave him drink
OF water just before he died" did
he take the water?" "Yes." "Then
he was not my husband"
A lioness was recently sold at auc-
ton in Louisville for SO. At this
rate no family need be without a
lioness.
The man who is in the wrong uses
hard words and soft arguments, while
the man who is in the right uses
soft words and hard arguments.
The idea that bonnet is always
uppermost in a woman's mind is en-
tertained only by unmarried men.