Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-04-19
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

IHE German word schWer means, IN
English, difficult; yet it is not difficult to
schwer in English.
WRITE plainly on all postal cards.
The time of postmistress is valuable.
Louisville COatrjer-Journ0a.
The speaker of the house is generally
known as "the chair" so called because
he is sat down on SO ofteu.-MisS W5Y-
mex.
TIE word daughter is always print
ed in the speech of a congressman SO
the reader may know when to laugh
Picoyune.
SILVER dollars with holes in them are
painfully numerous, but they are not
half so painfully numerous as holes
without any silver dollars in them.
WHY do elderly spinsters have a pre-
objection for parrots? Well they have
no man about the house, and they want
something around that can swear. --8os-
ton Post.
The intelligent composition left out the
letter In a paragraph about beauti-
full actress, and informed the public
that crows hocked to see her wherever
she went.
IT is pleasant to remember that not
an hour passes in the increasing march
of time that there is not half-dressed
man somewhere on the face of the earth
calling for shirt
The number of bones in man, we
are told, is $40. Just after partaking of
shad breakfast the number may be in
creased to 250-if the man doesn't choke
to death on the fourth bone. Norris
toaOaa Herald.
NJ 41,oN l,
lican, visiting Washington, 81 don't
vote for that man Horn, agalE. Why,
he actually laughed at joke made by
democrat. Is that sticking tothe party? ?"
Boston Post
The wild, untutored compositor in
formed the readers that certain book
was "full of merit as nest," when it
was written cas- full of meat as nut. "
His corps now awaits the coroner.-Nea0
HaUer Register.
The car gets blowed up by his wife
for flirting with circus girl, and is in
constant fear of a dynamite explosion.
We wouldn't be car, circus girl thrown
in, for less than $40 week.-Neao
Haven Register.
BARNUM having secured "Jumbo,"
Forepaugh is now looking around for an
attraction that will excel it. If he wants
a bigger English elephant" than
Jumbo, let him bring over Ireland
NorristoaO1 Herald.
A CORRESPONDENT asks: "Can a boy
leave his father when he is eighteen
years old?" If a father Is eighteen
years old a son is justified in leav-
ing him, because he ought by that time
to be able to take care of himself.
A PAPER watch, in good running order,
has been exhibited by a Dresden watch
maker. Evidently made from a news
paper, the subscription of which has
been running on time" for several
years.-Norr6stOa0n Herald.
A STRONG superlative: eyes, SIR"
said the Kentuckian; /" I never was in a
more tantalizing position in my life.
There were three of US, with pack of
cards, In the room and not a deuced cent
in the crowd. "-Bostoas Post.
SoPHRoNIA: sCan Senator David
Davis, as president of the senate, if
drawn as juror, be compelled to sit on
a jury ?" We don't know. IF he can,
we wouldn't like to be one of the jury
that he would sit on.-Son1erUiEte Jour
nal.
An Austin young man was seen COM
ing hurriedly out of a business house,
which he had entered to solicit employ
ment as salesman. "Did the boss en-
gage you as a salesman ?" "No; he
wanted me to travel" was the ambigu-
Gus reply.-Te10s SJtingS.
THE Boston Transcript says that an
east Boston lady was recently requested
by the board of health to have traps
placed under the sinks and basins in her
house, and when an inspector few days
later examined the premises 1t was found
that she had placed there several rat
traps.
In an account of an accident in which
a mail sled broke through the ice of a
lake IN British columbia, the telegraph
says that the driver, by excepting cool,
succeeded ia making his way to the solid
ice." It probably did not require any
great effort to keep cool under those
circumstances.
A DETACHMENT of the United States
army was discovered prowling around
the jail In which Guiteal is confined,
last night, with their fingers on the
triggers of their rifles. It is supposed
they are yearning for an eight years SEN
tence and a national dime subscription.
-NOrrGstOaOn Herald.
"AH, dearest, sighed the young man
kneeling at the feet of his ownest own,
''dost thou know what of all outward
things is nearest my heart ?" Greatly,
Ican't say" she replied; ''but if you
have any regard for your health in this
changeable weather, I should think it
was a flannel shirt" She was too prac-
teal, and it broke the engagement.
A CARPENTER went to be shaved at
BARRIERS, in a quasi-aristocratic heigh-
hood near London. The barber stepped
forward with Very sorry, my man.
but we don't serve the working classes
here" $ Why retorted the son of toll,
81 see you shave bricklayer here this
morning." "Ah, yes, replied the bar
Der, " it is true; but We have drawn the
line at bricklayers. .
He sat at The piano, and she stood be-
side him, her hand lovingly lying on his