The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-05-18
Humorous Paragraphs.
= II isn't the girl that is loaded With
powder who goes off the easiest.

= It isn't the girl that is loaded with
powder who goes off the easiest.
= Why are pretty girls like wild cher
ries? Because they make you pucker
up your lips.
= There is, after all, only one real
bone of contention in the world, and that
is the jaw boue.
- a gamecock ought to be good eat
ing. Does not the poet say "the bravest
are the tenderest."
- Always look on the bright side; q
mighty ugly hired girl can ring the bell
for mighty good dinner.
= Patients 60 more fer doctors than
doctors can do for patients. The patients
enable the doctors to live.
- A man is not necessarily Christian
because he rents pew His Is some.
times kind Of pewter religion.
: y doctor who won't advise q man
to leave off his fiannels the first warm
day is no friend 10 the profession.
= When certain young man in town
sits up half the night with his girl, he
calls 1t miss spent evening. He is
miss taken, that's all.
4 careless printer made dancing.
masters card read II offer my respect
ful shanks to all "ho have honored me
with their patronage"
= a tail man having rallied friend
on the shortness Of his legs, the friend
replied, "My legs reach to the ground,
what more can yours do?"
Why is it," asked lady, "that 30
many lose their interest in church going,
now.a.days?" Because they lose their
principle" was the witty reply.
= A correspondent wants to know
where the expression "Let up" comes
from. We believe it comes from the fell
low who isn't on top in the fight.
= Counsel for prisoner-"Did you see
the prisoner at the bar knock down the
deceased" Pat-"No, yir honor; h.
was alive when see him Knocked down."
"A priest once asked a condemned
criminal in Paris jail "What kind of
o conscience have you?" cts as good
as new" replied the prisoner; "for I
have never used it,"
Kentuckian who is supposed 10
have been behind on water recently died.
and requested that he be buried in q
branch where the water would constantly
E.u into his mouth.
= When the teacher asked what was
the feminine Of tailor, a email boy on
front seat in public school in Brocktop
promptly exclaimed "Dressmaker." and
was greatly delighted that he was able to
get in the answer first.
= They we're seated on the sofa, where
they had been for four long hours. eau
gustuo, do you know why you remind me
of the Chinesc?" "N1, dearest; why ?"
Because you won't CO." The meeting
then adjourned sine die.
= There is nothing like settling
down." said the retired merchant conf.
dentially TO his neighbor. "When gave
up business | settled down and found
had quito comfortable fortune. III
hnd settled up should not have had
cent"
= Putting young hopeful through an
oral examination in botany: "Where do
the apples come from?" "The apple
tree" "And the pears 2" From the
pear tree "And the fgs?" "From tho
fig tree" "And the dates ?" from
tho almanac"
= If one can't be wholly good he
ought to be as good as he can be without
too great Inconvenience. II atoled your
money" wrote thief to his employer.
"Remorse naws my Conscience and sent
some OF it back. When remorse naws
agin will send some more"
= The following vill bear reprinting
A man who had been drinking very
freely at the bar, in going out into the
street fell into the gut.sT. A wag seeing
him, ran into the public house and said
to the saloon keeper: "Sir, your sign has
fallen down." lie went out, and, to mis-
a,stonishment, beheld only the poor
drunkard.
- A Hartford man went TO LAWYER
for advice. After receiving the retaining
fee the lawyer said Estate your case.S
"Well, sir" replied the client, 50 man
told me to 60 to h, and want YOUR
advice" The attorney took down vol.
ume of the Connecticut statutes. and.
after turning over few leaves, answered
Don't you do it. the law don't compel
you."
"A man went into drug store and
asked for something to cure @ headache.
The druggist held bottle of hartshorn
to his nose and he was nearly OVERFLOW.
cred by its pungency. AS soon as he
recovered he began to rail at the drug
gist and threatened to punch his head.
but didn't it help your headache ?"
asked the apothecary. "Help my head
ache!" gasped the man. 81 haven't any
headache. IT'S my wife that's got the
headache"
- And do you know it is q splendid
thing to think that the woman you really
love will never grow old to your Through
the wrinkles of time, through the mask
of years, if you really love her, you will
always see the face you loved and won.
And woman who really loves o man
does not see that he grows old; he is not
decrepit to her; he does not tremble; ne
is not old she sees the same gallant
gentleman who won her hand and heart.
like to think of it in that way; ! like
to think tlat love is eternal, And to
love in that way and then go down the
hill of life together, and as you 20 down,
hear, perhaps, the laughter of grand
children, while the birds of joy and love
sing once more in the leafess branches
of the tree.
-"Got conundrum for you, John.
ME invented il myselfn said n bov IN a