Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-12-01
ALL SORTS.

somebody please step on me!'
When swindler attempts to cheat
a dealer in vegetables. the latter will
turn up his nose at the beat.
Man proposes, God disposes-but
it takes woman with her hair down
to he indisposed when anybody calls.
An m" is but small space, vet
its Just the difference between a
small boy and a tomato. For one is
canned and the other is caned.
There is great hue and cry in
the woods just now--the hue of the
autumn leaves and the cry of the
squirrel hunter
Beauties of the United States Ian
guage: A gentleman was growing
about having to pay bill twice.
why did you pay IT, asked his
companion. Pay it? l didn't 1t
was jayhubbled from me"
Beauty's blunder: Have you no
love for the beautiful, then!" queried
she. in winsome tones No ., but
l think 1 should have. if l only
dared" Have courage, young man"
"Oh, l wasn't thinking of you at all.
/" But she hustled out Of the
room, hating herself for having
sprung the trap too soon.
why didn't you deliver that mes
sage as l gave it to you?" asked an
Austin gentleman of his stupid SER
want. Il did the best / could, boss"
You did the best you could, did
your" initiating his voice and look.
80 you did the best you could. If
l had known that l was sending q
donkey, l would have gone myself"
why do women SO often wander
aimlessl y in the murky solitudes of
the dead past, brooding over days
forever gomez" asked a young lady
of marrying widower. They don't.
Think" he said. Rather they wan
der, especially at this season, in the
dry goods stores of the present, often
pricing articles which they have not
the renotest intention of buying"
A cross child soon raises Il spank
ing breeze.
The comet will soon become bob
tailed flush.
Kid gloves now look like coat
sleeves, barring the buttons.
Old gold color is still fashionable
and the pumpkin pie retains its hold
on the lower crust.
Don't speak of that man." he
said. They say if you speak of a
man you're sure to see him, and he's
the confoundest bore that travels"
A Kentucky paper speaks of a gen
tleman who departed for heaven by
the rope route in consequence OF be-
ing SO indiscreet as to murder his
aunt.
Kate Field says she honors the
journalist. because he does work that
is needed every day. Generally,
Kate, the Ii dies in your profession
honor The journalist in tho hopes of
getting good notices.
A Louisville man wants $1,000 dam
ages for one bite from n dog. and if
the Court grants it, within a week
every man in Louisville will be going
round with the back of his trousers
wrecked, demanding damages.
An industrious artist: Madler,
what is the matter with your nosc?'
Madden 49," The only chance for an
artist now is to paint quickly and
cheap. l wolk with both hands and
blend with my nose"
1t was all n mistake A gentleman
called to learn something from the
files, and As he wasn't having good
luck, we called a reporter and told
him to help him out. We were as
much surprised as anybody when the
reporter tackled him and threw him
down stairs
Keep your face, yonr heart and
your home bright. Don't let the cob
webs gather in the corners of the
pretty sitting room, or dust accumu-
late upon the furniture until you can
write your name thereon. No mat
ter what is on hand. or how much
you have to do. take time at least cnce
day to tidy your rooms and gather
fresh flowers. You will never regret
it, even though at the close of your
life you may not possess quite so
much of the worlds goods as some of
your neighbors. 1t is the best plan
by far to enjoy life as it comes. and
this you can never do in slovenly,
disordered home. Would you keep
your husband from evi associations
and your children from hayward
paths! Remember there is nothing
SO attractive 20 man rs a pleasant
home and a smiling face therein;
and as for the little feet. they will
not be apt to wander far so long as
your face beams with the love and
solicitude that your heart bears for
them. A wife or mother is queen,
always Not of vast domains, to be
sure, and not Of society, but of the
most sacred spot on earth to
e,~y human heart-home You never
thought of it, perhaps, but it is true:
and it is indeed true, also, that there
is no more pitiable sight than one of
these ''queens" who does not. either
from want OF Judgment or lack Of will,
govern her subjects Alright. Did you
ever see truly happy family without
loving, watchful and affectionate
wife and mother at its head? The
father may be sour, hard or cross
grained, but if the mother is all right,
there is sure to be happiness in the
family.
An INCUBATOR FOR INFANTs.-M
Tarnier, the surgeon Of the Matern-
ity Hospital in Paris, struck by the