Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-11-29

opened the kitchen door, in the way of bush
ness, and rip went that gong! The first time
this happened, L thought the last day was come
sure. didn't think it in bed-no. but out of
t-for the first effect of that frigntful gong is to
hurl you across the house and slam you against
the wall, and then curl you up, and squirm you
like spider on stove lid. till somebody shuts
that kitchen door. In solid fact,
remotely comparable to the dire clamor
which that gong makes. Well this catastrophe
happened every morning regularly at 5 o'clock,
and lost us three hours sleep; for, mind you,
when that thing wakes you, it doesn't merely
wake you in spots; it wakes you all over, con-
hours of wfde-awakedness subsequently-eigh
teen hours of the very most uncomfortable wide
awakedness that you ever experienced in your
life. A stranger died on our hands one time,
and we vacated and left him in our room over
night. Did that stranger wait for the general
Judgment? No, sir; he got up at 5 the next
morning in the most prompt and unostentatious
way. knew he would; knew it mighty well.
He collected his life insurance, and lived happy
ever after, for there was plenty of proof as to
the perfect squareness of his death.
well, We were gradually fading away
toward better land on account of our daily
loss of sleep, so we finally had the expert up
again, and he ran wire to the outside of our
door, and placed switch there, whereby
Thomas. the butler, could take off and put on
the alarm; but Thomas always made one
little mistake-he switched the alarm Off at
night when he went to bed, and switched it on
again at daybreak in the morning, just in time
for the cook to open the kitchen door, and
enable that gong to slam US across the house,
sometimes breaking window with one or the
other of us. At the end of week we recog-
nized that this switch business was deusion
and snare. We also discovered that a band Of
burglars had been lodging in the house the
whole time-not exactly to steal, for there
wasn't much left now. but to hide from the
police, for they were hot pressed, and they
shrewdly judged that the detectives" would
never think Of tribe of burglars taking
sanctuary in house VIGOROUSLY protected by
the most imposing and elaborate burglar alarm
in America.
"Sent down for the expert again, and this
time he struck most dazzling idea-he fixed
the thing so that opening the kitchen door
would take off the alarm. It was noble idea.
and he charged accordingly. But you already
Ioresee the result. / switched on the alarm
every night at bedtime, no longer trusting to
Thomas trail memory; and as soon as the lights
were out the burglars walked in at the kitchen
door. thus taking the alarm off without waiting
for the cook tn do it in the morning. You see
how aggraVatngly we were situated. For
months we couldn't have any company. Not
spare bed in the house; all occupied by bur-
glars.
Finally, got up cure of my own. The ex-
pert answered the call, and ran another under
ground wire to the stable, and established
switch there, so that the coachman could put on
and take off the alarm. That worked frst-rate
ana a season OF peace ensued, during which we
got to inviting company once more and enjoying
life.
''But by-and-by the irrepressible alarm in
vented new kink. One winters night we W ere
flung out of bed by the sudden music of that
awful gong. and when we hobbed to the an
nunciator, turned up the gas and saw the word
Nursery exposed Mrs. McWillams tainted dead
away and came precious near doing the same
thing myself. l seized my shotgun and stood
timing the coachnan whilst that appalling
Duzzlng went on. l knew that his gong had
flung him out, too, and that he would be along
with his gun as soon as he could Jump into his
Clothes When judged that the time was ripe
crept TO the room next the nursery. glanced
through the window and saw the dim outline of
the c0achman in the yard below, standing at q
present-arTns and waiting for a chance. Then
hoped into the nursery and fired, and in the
same instant the coachman fired at the red fash
OF my gun. Both of US were successful:
crippled nurse and he shot off all my back hair.
We turned up the gas and teiephoned for a sur
geon. There was not sign of burglar and no
window had been raised. One glass was absent.
but that was where the cOachman's charge had
come through. Here was fine mystery-a
burglar alarm going Off at midnight Of it's own
accord, and not burglar in the neighbOrhOOd.
The expert answered the usual call. and eX-
planned that it was false alarm Said it was
easily fixed. So he overhauled the nursery
WihdoW. charged remunerative figure for it,
and departed.
What we suffered from false alafms for the
next three years no styloSfaphic ben can de
scribe. During the first few months always
flew with my gun to the room Indicated and
the coachman always sailed forth with his bat
terry to support me. But there was never any,
thing to shoot at-windows all tight and secure
We always sent down for the expert next day,
and he fixed those particular windows SO they
would keep quiet week or so, and always re-
membered to send US bill about like this:
wire .......................S2 Is
Nipple. rs
Two hours LABOR. 1.5O
wax Observation-Disclosures. At
Iape.. Observation-Disclosures. 81
ScleWS. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. IS
Kecnarging battery. .......................... SO
Ihree hours labor. Observation-Disclosures. 225
String. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. b2
Lard t6S
Iciiu5 Extract. LES
springs 4.5O. &. 90
i'NtiIiOt.ti 10