Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-09-30
SATURDAY SMILES.


argument for Providence.
SATURDAY SMILES.
family consisting of man and his wife and
| three daughters, all of whom suffered from OBJ
| liquity of vision, are popularity known as the
| 'squintet."
| Adolphus wants to know if it is any worse
| for man to part his hair in the middle than to
| part his moustache under the scenter. Who
nose?-Boston Transcript
3 A man who wants his wife to love and re-
spect him will never make the mistake of put
| ting his feet into her slippers Years of deyO-
ton will not wipe out the insult.
A baby was born in a cemetery at Marshall
| town, Iowa, the other day. and the order of
things was reversed by carrying the child from
| the grave to the cradle Empty is the grave
yard, baby's in the crb-Neo York CONNER
cial
Didn't you think the close of the sermon
was fine?" asked DOrothea of Angelina. .'Wel
| really, now" replied Angelina Il was so taken
| with the clothes of Kate Lormer that l didn't
notice the close of the sermon at all'
young man in train was making fun of a
lady's hat to an elderly gentleman in the seat
| with him. "Yes," said his seat mate ''that's
my wife, and told her if she wore that bonnet
that some fool would make fun of it."-Anon.
| Astronomical: No new comet is genuine I'M
less it has DR.. Blanks Liver Pills printed on the
| ta1l.-Ne1C orleans Pac0ylhe.
Pension item: federal soldier has applied
| for a pension at Washington for a broken leg,
got in dumping the bounty Richmond State.
| Observing the Sabbath: " Do the subjects of
the king of Dahomey keep Sunday ?" was asked
| of a missionary Eyes" he replied. land
everything else they can lay their hands on
Anon.
Rather tawdry: young Englishman visited
| West Point recently. and in company with a
well-known officer there admired the glorious
| sunset. "Isn't it magnificent ?" exclaimed the
West Pointer ''Ya-as it's very NICE you know"
responded Johnnie Bull but don't you think
| it's rather tawdry. you know "-Ne,o York
| Commercial Advertiser.
Its no use talking" said Mrs. Fogg, deci-
sively; Il tell you l can't think of living in
| BlanktOwn., / know | shall die if | go there ;"
$40 you, my dear?" replied Fogg, with I'M
wonted animation. 'Pll go and engage the
house Immediately. "-Boston Transcript
Victor Hugo is said to be troubled with poor
sight. 1t also said that he kissed the party of
| female dry goods clerks from Boston who re-
| Gently visited him; and it may be that the hinge
on one Of their eyeglasses gOuged him in the
optic and impaired his yision.-Nor. Herald.
Told by the Newport Neaos: He came home
inside as well as out '.What excuse have you
to Offer" said his better-half, ''for coming home
| in such berry condition." None my dear"
was his answer, "'cept twas very muggy
day"
And now as the persmmon rlpens and the
| leaves take on tint Of dead gold. the young
| lady whom you met in the mountains during
| the summer will send you her card. that you
| may call upon her, or supply her with tickets
for the matinee and Mrs. Langtry perform
i ance.-PucE. '".- t'
The gentleman stepped on the coal dealers
platform scales and asked to be weighed. The
dealer said: why, certainly" and called to the
man inside to take the weight. And the man
| thought it was coal he was weighing and shouted
back the weight 600 pounds.-Boston Post
Dodging the openings: You still keep your
family in the country l hear" remarked mer-
chant to his neighbour casually. 81 should
| think you would miss them very much" Ssh!
They don't get back to the city until the fall
openings are over. | haven't been studying
| economy for twenty years for nothing" High
priced country board for week is much cheaper
than a day at the Openings.-BOstOn Globe.
Frank acknowledgment: 81 believe you're a
fool. john" testify exclaimed Mrs. Miggs, as her
husband unwittingly presented her the hot end
of potato dish which she promptly dropped
and broke. Yes" he added, resignedly, that's
what the clerk told me when went to take out
my marriage license "-BrOOklyn Eagle.
statistician estimates that courtshps aver
age three tons of coal each
She went into shop to buy some toilet soap,
and While the shOpman was eXpatiating on its
| merits, about made up her mind to purchase,
but when he said it would keep off chaps she
said she didn't want that kind.
"Uncle john" said little Emily, ''do you know
that baby that was fed on elephants milk
gained twenty pounds in one week." "Non-
sense! lmpossihle!" exclaimed Uncle John
and then he asked Whose baby was it?" 1.-THE
elephants" said the little girl
This is the season when the old maid school
teachers take up their empty lunch boxes after
school, bite off piece Of chewing gum, and
ramble forth to gather golden rod and dream of
happy days that may yet be thelrs.-Yonkers
Gazette.
A postal puzzle: The post Office authori-
ties are somewhat bothered about the proper
destination Of postal card directed to 'James
Bone, alias Jas. f. Mulherren, In care of Nike
Flynn, or bis sister Julia. or her cousin Mary
Ann, corner Of street with no number, Potts
vile, retail huckster and tin horn artist If not
there next door "-PoaspiIe Miners Journal.
Danger Of whlstling: Persons who lose
dogs should be very careful where they look for
them. The other day man stood In front of
the Center market whistling very theoretically
and calling Here. Sport" when a sausage ven
der rushed out and assaulted him with acleaver.
The assaiiant explained that he was getting
tired OF having his stock made fun of.-San
Francisco Post
"Ef yer want to make a oman mad an ap-
pear pleased, tell her ob a fault; but eff yer
wanster make her pleased an appear mad, tell
her dat she's good lookinss." Traveler.
me London World has statistics to prove
that lawyers have less sickness as a class than
physicians. but as an Offset physicians can get
their medicines for about fifty per cent Off
Ere Press 80
| Scottish Heather.
From the Boston Transcript.
Ii seems long, long time ago
| That we two played at love together;
| Indeed, I've half forgotten whether
We meant 1t quite for play, you know.
wonder why last,w1nter's snow
Should cool that warmth OF summer weather.
1t seems long, long time ago
That we two played at love together.
And yet-my heart begins to glow
Qt then was light as any feather)
| Wnene'er see this Scottish heather,
ana think OF you, who loved 1t SO;
IL seems long, long time ago.
Why the Bride Wept.
! From the Brunswick (Me Herald.
On the banks Of the Kennebec river. few
miles below Bath, Me-. lives an old lady. Years