The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
HUMOR.
stage.

"A PLAY-GROUND--l INC oo"Sc'
A MAN is known by the company he
keeps away from.
CouLD Pagan-ini be called an mid
die baltimore american.
WHEN is a vegetable not vegetable?
When il is what you caulifiOwer.
INQUIRER: What is the extreme pen
atty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
A BosToN school girl describes a
statue as bust with two legs under it.
THE best reason yet advanced for
having Monday washing day, the next
day after Sunday, is because cleanliness
is next to godliness.
IT has.been ungallantly said that the
telephone does what society rules have
always been unequal to--compels wo-
men who use it to talk one at time.
WALT WHITMAN exclaims in one Of
his poems: "Give me solitude!' Very
easily obtained, sir. Start to take mp
collection for the Washington Monu-
| mcnt.
ONE man can deceive anuder in de
matter of friendship, but it amt dat
way wild women. Among women dar's
perfeck un'erstandin' dat da doan put
no confidence In each other.
LITTLE Lottie to her friend: 81 have
so many cares. Yesterday little baby
sister arrived and papa is on a journey.
| 1t was but piece of luck that mamma
was home to take care OF It,"
I wANTER know wat Use charged
wild" asked colored lady OF justice
of the .eace. "You are charged with
stealing a goose" said the justice.
well dat's all right. / can prove my
honesty. / can show that il was a gan
der what I stole Go ahead wild yer
law, Mr.. Jcdge. "-Ark. IrdUeler.
WHICH arm-the right or left-should
be given a lady when walking in a
crowded street ?-George. In Phil
adelphia and other orderly cities give
her the right arm, so that she may not
be jostled by the passing crowd. In
Chicago and ST. Louis give her the left
arm and carry your right in your pistol
pocket -Phiiddelphia News.
A CONNECTICUT optician has invented
spectacles that he claims "will enable
any one to read small type under wa
ter" We cannot believe that a short
sighted man would care TO stay under
water longer than the time it would
take TO read u column of nonpariel
market reports. So we fear the inven-
ton is lacking i'll practical utility
TerdS SittingS.
A VERY lovely but willful girl went
TO her father, n celebrated lawyer, and
said Father, want TO marry -"
! (naming handsome but utterly worth
less suitor); "may T." "Well. my
dear" said her father, with a sigh, Il
can't say no, because / know you will
have your own way, whether give my
consent or not; but please give me
leave to make one remark. There are
two things which the wisest and most
learned man can never calculate upon
the verdict OF common Jury, and
the sort of man clever woman will
marry"
IT has been discovered that by tying
handkerchief tightly around the
head an average man can drink
double allowance of beer, which is non
intoxicating, anyhow, and not feel any
bad effects from it. Heretofore the
man who drank too much beer did not
tie up his head until the next day.
When man ties up his head the day
after he has been drinking too much
beer, he requires very large handker-
chief for the purpose, so We have been
told by those who have tried the exper-
iment i'll the interest of science.-Terds
SQtings.
NEVER despise small things" solilo-
quized Robert as he stopped to pick up
pin. "If l take care of the small
things the great things will take care of
themselves" Richard. who had passed
that way moment before, saw the
pin, but disregarded it. He had not
gone far ere his eyes fell on bright
half-dollar. Said he to himself: II
think L will gather this in" So he
picked it up, and after having bought
whole paper of pins he had quite sum
of money remaining. When Robert ar
rived where the half-dollar had been,
the half-dollar with the assistance of
Richard, had taken care of itself.
II DON'T want TO brag." observed
young artist, "but / cherish q humble
conviction that / possess all the en-
cellences of Raphael and Michael Ange-
10. without any of their defects"
"But," said one of the auditors, "in
tiidl CuSc YOU SuptTloT 10 lHtn
both" Thanks, old fellow" said
the artist, pressing his hand warmly.
"Now, my DEAR" said Mrs. G.. to her
young hopeful, "your sisters sweet
heart, Captain Brown, is coming for
dinner tins evening, and j want YOU to
conduct yourself like little gentle
man; you may express mild surprise
when he speaks of his adventures, hut
you must not interrupt him. or make
him feel as if he were not Mt home with
u.s." All right. ma, said Johnnie The
Captain came, and Immediately began
to tell of having killed two tigers i'll
one day, in India. when Johnnie Thought
the time for mild surprise was at hand,
and, getting up said: "Oh what are
We giyin' u.s." The captain shortly
felt himself at home The Drummer