Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1882-03-18
The Conductor,

AuC SVuuuCtUTs
In appearance the conductor resem-
bles United States naval officer, II
q spy-glass were showed under his arm
and he were taken up and set down on
the quarterback Of United States
man-of-war, the sailors would all think
he belonged there. The only difficulty
about it is there is no United States
man of-war it would be safe to put the
conductor on. He would not tafe any
risk of being drowned. Like thu cap
tain OF ship, the conductor is b.ss OF
the situation. He does not precisely
run the train. The engineer does that,
but the conductor runs the engineer.
Unless he chooses, he has no occasion
to be OWL to anybody on the train, un-
less the president of the company is on
board. .
The principal duty of the conductor
is to take up tickets, and collect fares
from such as have neither tickets nor
passes. If any such passenger refuses
to pay, or attempts to put the conduc-
tor off, the conductor puts him right of
in the middle OF a big prairie. The con-
ductor has even been known to treat
newspaper men that way, and the jour-
nalist who is treated in that way usually
gets even by taking the conductor off
lin his, the journalists, paper. A
journalist of that class will then proceed
to denounce RAILROAD monopolies
As soon as the train leaves the station,
the conductor enters the car, and after
looking in out-of the.way places for ir-
responsible parties who might be hid
ing, he proceeds to go through the car
and to levy and collect assessments from
the passengers, just the same as 1t he
held power of attorney from Jesse
James, himself. As general thing,
his authority to collect money from the
passengers is only derived from Jay
Gould, Vanderbilt, or some other legi-
innate highwayman. AS 1t is very diff
cult for Jay Gould to be on every car in
every train, and as the servant is like
the master. passengers are directed to
get their tickets before entering the car.
The object of this is evidently to pre-
vent passengers from paying their fare
! to the conductor, as he might not be
able to bear.up under the temptation.
At night, however. the ticket offices are
not open, and the passengers have to
pay their fare to the conductor, and
then, if Jay Gould is not on the car, il
the conductor is not very conscientious,
he may forget to turn the money over.
Jay, himself, never forgets to turn the
money over. When he buys railroad
cheap, he frequently turns it over three
or four times, SO they say. Some pas
senger. who had spite at railroad
company, makes COW the company
shall never handle any of his money,
so always pays his fare to the conduc-
tor, and then he feels sure the company
will never get any of it. The belief
that railroad conductors grow rich in
this way, is caused by many of them
wearing large diamond breastpins that
outshine the lantern the conductor
holds on his aim. Very few people
know that such breastpins only cost o
dollar and half at hardware store,
and are frequently presented to the con-
ductors by drummers as souvenirs.
Another duty Of the conductor is to
fail to impart information to reporters
about any accident that may happen to
his train. If conductor tells report
er anything about any accident, the COM
pany requests him to send in his resig.
nation to the Senate. Much more in
formation can be obtained from dead
man who has been run over, lengthwise,
by five passenger cars, than can be got
out of q conductor. When a reporter
asks Linn for information about the
dreadful accident, he talks and looks as
if he relied on the reporter to tell him
all about it.
In all seriousness, the conductor has
combined variety of qualifications to
fill the position. He is, as rule, very
polite, considering the number OF fool
ish questions that are put to him every
hour in the day. He is courteous, and
reliable, and above all, he is sober.
When his varied qualification and the
risks he runs are taken into considera.
ton, he is very poorly paid. 1t is es-
timated that one first-class conductor
has more sense than car load Of legis-
lators.- [Siftings.