Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1882-10-26
Reviewing the Situation.
tBroOkIin Eagle,

~ ~ @aAs'F kCOR0hbN hNf AtOAaAht
lup the pattern Of a polonaise and won
dering IL it would come up high enough
in the neck. "Isuppose the poor man will
have to speculate in stocks or write joke
for the Christy to make living now
won't he?"
"Who's been lending you a circus pos
ter this trip" demanded Mr.. Spoopen,
dyke, springing up like a trunk lid
What patent medicine label have you
been studying lately? Who says he's
quit the misistry? He's only left the so
ciety of Congregational Ministers because
he doesn't believe exactly as they do"
That's what said," argued Mrs. Spoo
pendyke, laying the pattern on the cloth
and beginning to cut it oot. "He disa.
greed with the Congregation religion and
said he guessed he'd go away somewhere
and leTem have it to themselves. don't
know what Plymouth Church will do
without him, though"
IDOL" ripped Mr.. Spoopendyke, ''do! il
will set rat trap and catch him again!
What dye s'pose it will do? Got some
idea it will hire out as cook, washer and
ironer; no objection to going a short dis
lance in the country, haven't ye? P'raps
you think it will open as hotel? Well,
it won't, and it won't put on long skirt
and short apron and go bowling around
as q two-legged lunatic asylum, either!
Don't l tell ye he has just quit the So
ciety of Minister'S"
II didn't suppose they'd hurt him" :"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke scratching her
nose with the scissors and figuring out
the allowance for the seams.
Hurt him." roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
| ''of course they hurt himi They used to
lay him down and walk on him, and
| they'd sit astride his stomach and play
euchre on his chin until he swallowed
the joker, and then they fshed for it
with an umbrella until they choked him.
Don't we know the difference between a
society of ministers and religion?
Can't ye distinguish between practising
preacher and the church of God? He's
quit the ministers and not the church!
Got tooth you can stow that idea in?'
"Well, of course, the man had right
to pick his associates, but l understood
you to say that he didn't agree with their
religion. If that's the case they ought
to alter it, because man like Mr.. Beech
er-"
l"Alter it" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke,
"how re they going to alter it? Think
they can put another founce around the
bottom and patch on the elbows, like
dod gasted frock? Imagine they can
make it straight up and down, or bell
crown. by ironing it out like stovepipe
hat? It's the tenet of the church, the ba-
sis of the faith, that he desents from,
and as they won't change that he got out.
Does a streak of intelligence begin to
dawn on you now? Think you feel an
idea wobbling around in your back hair?'
Il see" murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke
HE just abandons religion and minis
tiers, but he sticks to his church. l un-
derstand it now"
"Oh, you understand itp' howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. you've got your claws
in 1t at last! All you want now is row
among the faculty and gymnasium to
be dod gasted theological seminary!
He hasn't abandoned religion! He's on
ly announced that he don't believe Ger.
tain parts of the Congregational faith!
Think your mind is long and thin enough |
to penetrate that?''
Certainly returned Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. ''That's plain enough. He didn't
like some things they did. and so he con.
cluded to leave those ministers to their
own devices But what is he going to do |
for q faith to keep Plymouth church 60
ing?'
BUY one!" snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke
Hes going to get measured for one and |
have it sent home, if the tailor don't dis
appoint him! P'raps you think he's go
ing to sit out in the back yard and pop |
over the first faith he sees running along
the fence! Maybe you think he'll find
some second hand faith cheap some
where, have the bottom soldered up, a |
new snout set in, and palm it off on his
for new. tell We he sticks |
to the old faith with the exception of the |
and hell! Ever read about the |
atonement? Got any kind of notion about |
hell?"
"Of course have" replied Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. 81 begin to see the drift now.
The ministers wanted the atonement and |
-and-that other thing, and he gave it
to them, and he's going to substitute Ply
mouth Church for those things, and let |
the ministers look after themselves.
Now 'tis clear to me-,
"Oh, you've got it!" yelled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. There's the whole christian
religion in teacup! If you only had
red cushions and rack nailed up in
front of you, you'd only need an overdue
mortgage and fight in the choir to be a
dod gasted fashionable church! Let it
alone, will ye! Drop the subject before
that wonderful intelligence of yours
browns me out. Another time you want
to talk religion, I'll get measly hen to
listen to you'll! and Mr.. Spoopendyke
plunged his head among the pillows and
brooded over his wrongs.
II don't care" murmured Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, basting the lining into the front
of the dress, "Mr. Beecher may not like
those poor ministers or their religion,
but that's no reason why he should leave
them. He ought to show them the sin
fulness of their ways and get them to
abandon their hold ON the bad place.
Anyway, Pm glad he's going to keep up
for the poor man has got
family on his hands and I think I'll 20
Sunday and hear his explanation, if l
can get this dress DONE"