Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-07-19
SPICE AND ALLSPkCE.

"I AN broken man." said a poet.
"Well, said his friend, CT inferred
that from your pieces"
AN East Tennessee paper heads an
account Of an old lady In the naneties
with "Almost Centurion.
MANY a self made man would have
done better by himself had he let the
contract out to somebody else.
RISING with the Lark is nothing won
derful. Any rooster can beat the lark
on rising. -NeaO Orleans Pic0yane.
Do not wear your troubles and MIS-
fortunes all on the outside like an over
coat, but keep them hidden within like
ragged back vest.-Loa0eU Citizen.
Howl that suit yo1?" said the
hound pup, as he looked up at the visit
ors window and reminded him that the
moon was up.-BaJtinacye american.
IT is hardly fair in You to steel my
thunder" as the cloud remarked to the
"Oh, should draw it
mild" the rod replied. Boston Tram
script.
WHEN the teacher asked, "What
people live the longest?" a,little fellow
at the foot of the class promptly spoke
up: "Barnum's giants. N04'riStOaUn
Herald.
SOME one says Pocahontas was myth.
Perhaps she was; but he cannot make us
believe that John Smith was also myth,
because he still lives, and we lave seen
him.-Nor7'istoe0ra Herald.
SHARKS on the Atlantic coast are IN
usually stupid this year. They grab at
an old suit stuffed with hay, when
school ma'anQ,is kicking the waser not
two rods off.
They keep right on using the term,
s. bowling wilderness" when everybody
knows that the biggest bowling thing in
any wilderness in this country is-a bob
tailed wild ca5 which can't howl for
shucks.-Detroat Free Press.
PHYSICIANS 'eAnd is that all you are
going to give me-twenty marks for forty
visits p Miser-S'I should thin8 that
was enough. Yout must consider that
if 1 hadn't been sick you wouldn't
have had anything. -FIee0e7ade, B50t-
ter.
Two brothers, who were very sue
eessful dentists, built large and hand
some house the appearance of which was
thought to resemble alarge molar teeth.
1t was a common remark. "See what
brothers can do when they pull to-
gether."
HENS eggs 1. 200 years old have been
found at ST. Elio, France. Theirruse-
fulness for all purposes must be ccnsid-
erably impaired. Even as "tokens of
regard " for presentation to crank
8" Hamlets % they are utter futures
Norrdstoa01a Her9J0
"YoUNG men," said tiresome and in
saructive old muf TO group of appEen-
tiees, "young men should begin at the
bottom of their business and work up.
81 can't" responded one of them.
'@Why not?" asked she old muff. '~Be-
cause I am a well digger" answered the
apprentice.
You write beautiful hand. I wish
that I had such hand,'' said Mr.. Flash
er to lady clerk.at the hotel. lam I
to consider this as a proposal % asked
the bright lady. Well-er-yes-
my wife is willing to let me off, % replied
the accomplished Flasher Detroit
Free Press.
81 WOULDN'T be ia Egypt" said Mrs.
McGill last week, Sffor ali the wealth of
Creosote." Seeing a look of astonish-
ment on the faces Of her auditors she
added: "Creosote, you know, was an
old Roman god, and everything he
touched turned into gold. "-MaT@tho7a
Independent.
"DDN'T you tell me, sir, you could
hold the plow?" said a farmer TO an
Irishman whom he had taken on, trial.
'' Arrah, be aisy now," said Pat; how
the deuce can Z hould it and two horses
drawing it away from me? But give it
to me in the barn and bejabers I'lIhould
it with anybody.
IT is reported that English detectives
have proved useless in Ireland. on ac-
count of their accent. We should think
so. 1t rather gives a fellow away,
baiove, when he walks into a land league
meeting in 81 damp cave and asks, Beg
pawd'n, y'know, but ave we seen such
thing as suspect about ere, y'know !"
1T was tbs cat: A Chattanooga negro
was looking up a chimney, when bolt
of lightning came down and stripped the
buttons OF his vest. When he got his
breath, he remarked that Il he had
known that cat was up there, and calcu-
lating to come down, he wouldn't have
got in the way for five dollars. Boston
Post.
"FAnHER," he suddenly remarked as
he looked up into the paternal face,
Sc YOU are awful good to ma. :" s. Am [
Well> I hope | treat her as husband
should devoted wife" sand it's all
over town how liberal you are to her"
f" How; what do you mean?" Why, I
heard three or four men on the car say
ttiSa5 all you had in the world was IN her
name?" Yes-ahem-yes-you get to
bed, sir; and next time you near people
lying about me don't listen TO what they
sayl - TSH Street NetOS.
JOHNNY thought il would be nice to be
a giraffe; for then he could stand on she
ground and eat the apples, pears and
cherries that grew on Farmer Jones
trees, beyond the danger of dogs and
bear traps, and could also taste tho good
things all the way down his neck. But
Johnny had sore throat the other day,
and as he laid his head on his pillow
upon retiring, he confidentiany remarked