The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-03-15
FLOATING fANOIES.

He who makes no mistakes is not yet on
earth.
Mary had a little lamb with which she used
to russell; she yanked the wool all off its back
and crammed it ia her hustle.
Love is a severe critic. Hate can pardon
more than love. But a full, forgiving love is
the grandest thing on earth, and enobles the
possessor.
sDon't you think that Miss Brown is a
very sweet grip asked Henry. ooh, yes,
very sweet" replied Jane; that is to say she
is well preserved"
He who turns against one who has done
him personal favors and oft b%efriended him
is worse than the one turned against, no mat
ter how bad the latter may be.
ssThink I'd live in that building ?" ex-
claimed the lady who ran a boarding house.
s'Not a bit of it. Why all the doors fasten
with bolts. There isn't a keyhole in the
building
Young h~usband-"You ought not to tease
the baby by letting him suck an empty bot
tle." Young wife-"He can get as much en-
joyment GU. of that as he can out of his
thumb, can't he? /"
eff have ever used any unkind words,
Hannah" said Mr.. Smiley, effectively, Il
take them all back ''Yes, / suppose you
want to use them over again." was the not
very soothing reply.
There is nothing that SO takes the starch
out of a young who has been welded about
year as to have to 60 to a store where there
is a girl clerk that he used to keep company
with, and inquire for those large safety pins.
She may dress in silk or may dress in satin,
May know the languages Greek and Latin,
May know fine art. may love and sigh
But%he amt no good if she can't make pie.
At a young ladies' seminary recently, dur
ing an exaEsinatian in history, one of the
pupils was Intercepted thus: "Mary, did
Martin Luther die a natural death ?" 'No,"
was the reply, che was communicated by
a bull"
A. printer should always marry a good
type OF girl, says the New York CONNER
CtuG, duu uc SULlttlLICS las w w ~ d1LC1 q
long ''chase'' with a sharp ''stick," but he
generally manages to come out Of the pursuit
IN good form"
In a trial before a justice at Dodge City,
Kansas, a witness who was being bully
ragged by a cross-examiDing lawyer called
on the Court for protection. The justice
handed him a pistol. II have no further
questions" said the lawyer.
AS a young shaver Of 5 or 6 years was
reading at school one day be came upon the
passage: keep thy tongue from evil and
thy lips from guile" Master Hopeful
drawled out: NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Observation-Disclosures"
In her advertisement the ludy principal of
a school mentioned her lady assistant and the
reputation for teaching which she bears;
but the printer left out (which" SO the ad-
lady's reputation for teaching she bears"
Her lips were like the leaves, he said,
BY autumn's crimson tinted;
Some people autumn leaves preserve
BY pressing them, she limited.
The meaning of the gentle hint
The lover did discern
So he clasped her round the neck,
And went to kissing hern.
Johnny, here you are at the breakfast
table and your face is unwashed." said his
mother, with a sharp look. II know it, ma,
I saw the animalcules in pas microscope
last night, and / hain't going to have those
things crawling all over my face with their
funny little legs"
Miserable ?" said young Symonds. ''Of
course I'm miserable, and | can't help look
ing so. I'm invited, and can't refuse, to at
tend a party given by the girls of the board
ing school. They're going to cook the sup
per themselves, and l shall have to eat some
of the bread and cake, and [ shall die in aw-
full agony before morning. know / shall. -
Is.this not a Beautiful Steam Press The
Steam is Lying Down on the Floor taking a
Nap. He came from Africa and is Seventy
years Old. The Press prints Papers. 1t can
Print nine hundred Papers an Hour. 1t
takes One hour and Forty Minutes to Print
the Edition of the Paper. The paper has a
circulation of Thirty Seven Thousand. The
Business manager says 80.
The biggest girl in the school at Ham
mond's Corners, Ohio, was whipped by the