Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1882-07-12
PLEASANTRIES.

"BIrTER" Disappointment :" Very
sorry, sir, said the bartender, .but we
ara out Of tansy."
WHEN Fogg accused the butcher of
selling him COW beef, the man Of meat
said it was miss steak.
PATRICK dressing for party )--"B Be-
dad, now, and shan't be able to git on
those boots till I've worn them tonne
or two."
Five hours sleep are enough" says
a New York doctor. Yes, enough TO kill
almost any man, if he strikes the right
hotel bed.
LAW is like sieve; you may see
through it, but you will have to be con-
siderably reduced before You can get
through it.
A DUTCH Judge in Nebraska, on con-
vlction of a culprit for having four
wives, decided: "He hash punishment
blenty; lif NIT one."
LARGE nose is q sign of character.
Ii it has turkey-Ied finish or big
knob on the end, it is a sign that char
acter has gone on protracted vacation.
-LOckport Union.
A PAIR of jeweled garters sold in New
York the other day for $4,000. That's
pretty high. 1t will take a pretty tall
girl to wear garters that come as high as
that. Bill Nye.
MAGIsTRArE-"D Do you know the nat
ure of an oath, my boy?" Witness
promptly" Yes, sir. Must take it,
sir, 'relse can't be member O. Parlia-
ment, sir. Punch.
AFTER the funeral Farmer" "Ah /,
well, we've buried good man when we
buried poor Wuzzel Howsomever, yer
can't get no good out O the ground
'thout you put some good in
ALL bachelors would like to shake
hands with the man named Morse, who
recently got married, and four weeks
later applied to Parliament to have his
name changed to Re- Morse.
The brass bedsteal is the proper idea
in household art Just now. The iron
bedstead that hangs up against the cell,
wall is not reckoned especially recherche,
but great many modern bankers are
trying them Ne,o Hacen Register.
WHEN a man and wife are divorced.
the law requires that they shall divide
the house between them. An Irishman
gave this law a liberal translation when
he told his better-half that he would
take the inside and she could have the
outside.
"WHAT ails you?" asked Jones of
notoriously poor actor, whom he met the
other day, lyon look ILL" $50 am.
The doctor says my liver can't act"
g Remarkable similarity between you
and your liver" said Jones, as he walked
on. Cincinnati Saturday Night
A PREACHER, raising his eyes from his
desk in the midst Of his sermon, was
paralyzed with amazement to see his
rude boy in the gallery pelting the hear
ors in the pews with horse. .chestnuts.
But, while the good man was preparing
frown of reproof, the young hopeful
cried out "You tend to your preach
ing, daddy; I'll keep 'em awake
Philadelphia Quiz.
"YouR dear little boy paid me such
pretty compliment; he said ! looked
real handsome" said Mrs. Hostetter to
Mrs. Lydia Pinkham. "Did he say
that2" Indeed he did, the little
angel" 90, he is such silly child.
Sometimes 1 think he has not got
good sense" responded the mother, and
now they have quit swapping bangs when
they go out shopping.-Teras Sittings.
THs son of an Austin butcher expert
cnced great difficulty in comprehending
fractions, although his teacher did his
very best to make him understand their
iutricacies. snow, let us suppose,
said the teacher, that customer came
to your father to buy i've pounds of
meat, and he only had four to sell
what would he do?" "Keep his hand
on the meat while he was weighing it,
and then it would weigh more than fivo
pounds" was the candid response