Connecticut western news., 1882-04-26
ADVERTISING RATES:
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WlSDUM.
 A WAC says of topper His nose has passed the rubicund.
 WHEN man goes to reside in Wash ington he first catches the desire for office, and then he contracts malaria.
 HoPE is like the sun, which as we journey toward it casts the shadow of our burdens behind us. .--Sanuel Smiles. TAKE your stand by the altar of truth and be not led or driven thence by soph- istry or by ridicule.-Dr. Vincent.
 THE mistaken reverence which trusts to the hem of Christ's garment is better than the supercilious wisdom which re- lects Christ Himself.-Lyman Aboott.
 A CHAIRMAN will steal dog quicker than he would woman, and consider ing the style of Chinese female beauty, says an exchange, we don't blame him.
 THE theology best suited to the age is that put forth by living men of the age, drinking of the living Word for them selves.-Dr. Nc Gosh. THE patient pursuance of high ideal is nature's crucial test desperately to miss it may be the final discipline of character.-E. s. Phelps.
 THE supplementary lives do not look so satisfactory, but perhaps that is be- cause we do not see enough of them; they are curves of grander circles that pass out of ken.-AnnSe Kedry.
 "SoME people" says Alphonse Karr, Care always finding fault with Nature for putting thorns on roses I always thank her for having put roses on thorns."
 SOMEHOW, the ugliest man always wants to marry the prettiest woman. He is justly proud of his own good taste, but how mortified he must feel over his wife's.
 WHEN landlady advertises that she "keeps boarders merely for company, after you have paid one weeks bill you understand that it is for a stock com pany, and you are expected to keep up all the assessments.
 Ir is quite common for a boy to mis- behave when people are looking at him, for the more fun of shocking them. But man is not boy. He knows better, and acts badly only when people are not looking.
 BARNUM having secured Jumbo, Forepaugh is now looking for an attrac- tion that will excel it. If he wants bigger English elephant" than Jumbo, let him bring over Ireland. Norristoaon Herald.
 MIR. PRUDHoMME instructs his grand- child "Grandpa, the sun is brighter in summer than in winter, is it not ?" "Yes, and is warmer and enjoys better health" "Why does it enjoy better health ?" Because it gets up earlier"
 "I DO so LIKE to talk to you," she says, softly, in pause of the oonversa- tion, beaming on him and signing. "Why ?" asks the unsuspecting youth. Because" she answers, gently, "be. cause you are all ears ?"
 A NORTH CAROLINA Justice of the Peace recently married couple as he sat enthroned in state on the back of mule, and the animal for once realized that there was bigger trouble going on than he could produce, and kept his heels still.
 A LITTLE girl of seven exhibited much disquiet at hearing of new exploring expedition. When she was asked why she should care about 1t. she said: eff they discover any coun. tries, that will add to the geography have to study. There are countries enough in 1t now. "-Le Figaro
 NINE American colleges have adopted the Oxford cap. This is well. Hereto fore about the only thing that distin- guished college student from other people has been,the bad spelling in his letters home asking for money to "buy books. "-Burdette.
 THE editor wrote it i: "While this cold weather lasts be mindful of others poorer than yourself. Turn not away in silence from the appeal for charity. Give the supplicant something, If only a kind word" The intelligent compost tor made the last clause, |" if only some kindling wood," and he builded better than he knew.
 THE following bill is somewhat ann biguous. Just which way it is to be read is according to the taste of the reader, yet the total is correct:
 Thomas Brown to John Smith, Dr. | For three iron doors. .......... $50 O0
 One wooden do..............,. 10 %
 $2O %
 Two DISTINGUISHED members of the criminal classes are conversing in sub- dued tones. "You ought to be careful about that fellow" says one; "he may get you into trouble" "Oh, nonsense; I know all his secrets." "Yes, but he knows all yours." "I know it, but -contemptuously-"he'd never think of giving me away''
 i "A BOY said to a gentleman, My father and mother have & daughter, but she is not my sister Now, how do you explain that ?" asked Molecule. Atom reflected, but in vain. To his every | o,cuos4;o, NFoIooula YoY,l;ad 1v o mild