Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-04-12
WEDNESDAY. APRIL II, 1882.
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.


"IT is strange" remarks an exchange,
chow much better picture photo
grapher can take to hang IL showcase
than he can take for customer"
ssThe Unseen Hand :" is the title of a
new book. Probably the other man
didn't have anything better than a pair
of trays and didn't dare to call. -Boston
Post
IN classifying advertisement it would
seem proper that the hair dresser should
go at the head and the chiropodist at the
foot of the column. Boston Com. BuL-
Ietdn.
"WHy do Indians get drunk % asks
the Temperance Worker. Because they
drink more whisky than they are gagged
for Ask us hard one. -Burlington
HoeOkege.
"MAKE a minute of that duel, Mr..
Shearer, said the chief to the news edi-
tor. ''Can't do it, replied the subal-
tern. "Wby not % "Cause there's
only two seconds 10 it. %
In German village the following Off
catch frogs legs must first kill him.
4uOS0 WHO XIII Gu0M alive Will US uu0U.
-Frdaakfurter Zeitat'ag.
THOMAS HOOP, driving in the country
one day, observed notice beside fence:
"Beware the dog" There not being
any signs OF dog, Hood wrote on the
board ''Ware be the dog ?"
CT NOTICE that Carlyle is to Ihave
monument. For a steady job, don't
know of anything that lays over being
dead and waiting for your monument.
George Hatchet Washington.
81 WISH I was worth $1,0OO,OOO,
said gentleman. "What good would
it do you, for you don't spend your pres
ent income ?" inquired a friend. so,
[ could be economical on 81 larger scale"
HEARD in street car: "My dear,
why don't you get your life insured ?"
Can't. They won't take me. I've
promised to umpire a baseball game
next summer and the companies all know
it."
DECIDEDLY practical: William Hen
derson has been arrested out In Utah
for desperate assault upon Mormon.
William seems to be a practical sort of
anti-polygamy bill. Jour-
nat.
"WHAT pretty children. and how
much they look alike" says G during a
first visit at friends house. "They are
twins," his friend explains. 'sWhat,
both of 'em?" exclaims G, greatly in
terested.
The following thrilling tale needs no
comment: A burglar got into the house
of country editor the other night.
After terrible struggle the editor sue
ceeded in robbing him.-HackenSac
Republican.
GENTLEMAN by request of lady
Conductor, put this lady off at the next
corner" Polite new conductor" Ex-
cuse me sir; seems as how she's be-
havin' of herself; don't seem no occasion
for proceedin' to extremes.
''Do not pretend to have as good
Judgment as l have?" exclaimed an en-
ragged wife to her husband. "Well, no."
he replied slowly, "our choice of part
ners for life shows that my Judgment is
not to be compared with yours. D
WHEN the teacher asked what was the
feminine of tailor, a small boy on front
seat in public school in Brockton,
Mass, promptly exclaimed "Dress-
maker, and was. greatly delighted that
he was able to get in the answer first.
SCENE in the auditorium of theater.
Actor (who has appeared in the first
piece" evening May I take
the seat next yous" Lady" Certainly;
but don'tyou appear any more Tonight"
Actor" No." Lady" Oh, I am so
glad! Pray sit down."
WHAT good deed have you done to-
day, Johnny?" said benevolent father
to his heir. 81 gave poor boy cent,
papa" was the good child's answer.
s'Ah that was right. And why, my
son, did you give him the cent % CT
gave it to him, dear papa, for a good
three cent stamp that he thought was
only piece of green paper"
REMARKS writer: ga gentle hand
can lead an elephant by hair" Now,
what foolishness that is to put into the
minds of children. Why, bless you,
elephants don't have any hair; they just
have hides, that's all. Perhaps a gentle
hand might lead one by the tail; but,
mind you, we have our doubts even Of
that.
sketch Of peasants house usual bit of
tree and old roof sunk In little. The
peasant comes to look over the artists
shoulder. "You are getting along very
well" he said, that's nay house to the
very life. There's the big stone chimney
Pa know it anywhere" Artist con-
tinues his labors. Peasant Oh, I say,
If were you wouldn't put In the other
chimney. It isn't worth the trouble. It
smokes abominabiy."
AN illustrious painter who is travelling
is invited to dine with a wealthy mer-
chant. IS [ had son myself who was
passionately devoted to art says his
host, land / senr him to Paris, where
he was for ten years studying in the ate
lier of the famous Crepassion. sab,
and he was successful ?" Successful
Sir, at this moment he owns the second
largest factory of artificial fertilizers in
the country. Paris Paper.
OLD AUNT SUKEY, who lives on Austin
Avenue, is known to be the stingiest wo-
man in the city. Old Nose cut up
Yood of touoh oak wood for her q fau,