River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-08-17
HUMOROUS.

Jones asked his wife: "Why is a
husband like dough ?" He expected
she would give it up, and was going to
tell her it was because a woman needs
him; but she said: Because he was so
hard to get off her hands.
OF course the newspaper man did not
speak from experience who remarked
that ''nonpareil type looked bigger than
plea when you see your name in the
report of a police court"
"Are you travelling alone? ?" asked q
tall, agricultural-looking gentleman,
approaching lady who occupied two
seats in crowded car.
"No, sir" she replied.
"May ask who is travelling with
you ?" asked the man, looking
around vainly for some place to store
himself.
"My husband" snapped the lady,
with flashing eyes. "My husband IS
travelling with me-"
''Oh ah! excuse me-" and the tall
man Strengthened up and prepared to
take standing ride.
''Is this seat engaged ?" asked dash
lady five minutes later.
mo, sir" she replied, and down he
pumped.
81 say, ma ami" protested the tall
man, sis that your husband?"
"No, it isn't, and you needn't ask
any more questions" retorted the
woman.
"But you said you were travelling
with him ?" persisted the tall man.
80 | am" snarled the lady.
"Where IS he?.' insisted the tall
| man.
"He Is in the baggage car in q cof-
fin" replied the lady.
II beg your pardon, ma'am." said
the tall man, humbly; 81 honestly beg
pardon. l won't ask if he's dead, but
you'll excuse me for thinking that if
you and he have been married long
he's deuced smart to travel around
screwed up in q box, if you are on
the same trip, and it's likely to last
long"
A woman has to settle mans coffee
with the white of an egg, but she can
settle his hash with look.
Just exactly what woman wants a
watch for is not quite certain. The
chain is the only part of the arrange
ment she ever wears. The watch itself
is run down" handspring broken, and
tucked away in the dressingcase most
of the time. A woman and watch
are incompatible.
A young lady, being addressed by a
gentleman much older than herself,
observed that the only objection she
had to a union with him was the prob
ability of his dying before her and leav-
ing her to the sorrows of widowhood.
To WHICH ne made the complimentary
reply BLESSED is the man who hath
virtuous wife, for the number of his
days shall be doubled"
Only tress of womans hair"
The lover musingly, fondly said;
And yet it forms halo fair
Tonight above her sacred head y
only a tress of woman's hair"
The maiden, smiling sweetly said,
And laid it on the back o! chair
| And went to bed
Never kick drunken mans hat.
There is ''brick" in it.
The buzz-sa is no modern invention.
Just look at the Venus of Milo.
England's Alexandria fleet appears
to be able to sail right over the Bey.
Almost anybody can run into debt
but nearly everybody has to crawl out
of it.
The jokes of the circus clown must
be made up of kind words. For, you
know "kind words never die"
The young skipper who takes a
party of girls out sailing should con-
tent himself hugging the shore.
"Her Face was her Fortune" is the
title of popular novel. She was evil
IDENTITY a book agent, and travelled on
her cheek.
Yellow is the fashionable color in
Texas, and it is thought the fashion
will make such Roadway that they will
take to yellow fever down there.
A Philadelphia mule has killed a mad
dog, but it is still matter of doubt
whether mule or a mad dog is the
safest thing to have around.
At the seashoro, as usual, one wave
from woman's handkerchief will con-
tinue to attract more attention than
hundreds of waves from the ocean.
II you want to make man your
enemy tell him that he doesn't know
anything about horse. The less he
really knows the stronger will be his
enmity.
A California town has "Young La
dies Society for the Prevention of Bad
Taste" The first thing they did was
to go and see Guiteau hanged in effigy.
1t is stated by Princeton man that
the reason his college is not winning
as many athletic prizes as formerly is
that the students have suddenly taken
fancy to books.
The guests at Mr.. Marrowiat's table
we're discussing the subject of Long
fellows transcription of the beautiful
German song, Into the Silent Land"
when little Miltiades, who had appa-
rently been paying no attention, looked
up and said dad, do you think
mother will ever go there?" Somehow
or other the question put an end to
the conversation.
| There is a gospel tent at the corner
of Michigan avenue and Fourth street,
and of Sunday evening there is a
considerable passing in and out on the
part of pedestrians. Last Sunday even
ing a boy of IA, who had just left the
tent, encountered a stranger, who stop
| ped him and inquired
| SAY, bub, what sort of perform
ance is going on in there ?"
Purity good thing !" was the reply.
I'D kinder like to see the fat woman
and the living skeleton and the albino
children once more, but I'm purity
near strapped. Is there any way
kin work IMP"
aus boys crawl under the canvas"