New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1882-09-10
THE norm GROWLER.
dressed.

The born GROWER has returned TO the city and
to the bosom Of bis distressed famly-dlstreSsed
because Of his arrival. He has been spending the
summer alternating between the seashore ana the
mountains. and the pT0pretOr5 OF the hotels upon
which he has bestowed his malign patronage whiio
he yet tarred with them. had they been polled,
would certainly have returned negative answer
TO Mr. MallOck leading question, Is Life Worth
Livmgp Now that they are lid Of him it IS to be
hoped they will take moro cheerful view
of existence Tho born grOwler never did
put up at public house that he could
entirely condOne. The rooms assigned him are al
ways TOO high MP or too low down; too near the
office or too near the parlor too the roof or
at any rate on the wrong side Of the building. SO
he growls until they are changed. Then he begins
to growl again with increased earnestness on dis
covering that the new ones do or do not open upon
a piazza. The born growler thinks nothing OF ring
INC his bel, violently at midnight to protest against
that man with cough the same corridor.
"What business has man with such a cough as
that to come to a hOtelY" "Nhat right has a hotel
keeper to admit a man with such a cough y
and so Oh for an hour and half. The born
prowler makes the man or woman that Is doomed
to wait on him at table passiOnately regret
that murder in the first degree is looked upon "a i'm
proper in the eyes OF justice. His steak Is never
done or undone to suit him. Bring HIM the dark
meat OF IA fowl, and in severe tones he orders 1t
back demanding some of the breast. Few things
are so impressive as to hear INN exclaim: " These
eggs certainly have been boiled more than four and
a quarter Minutes And the whitening curl Of
his lip over coffee ten that fails to meet with his
approval, He has a way Of putting down cup
containing the offending beverage which marks the
extreme limits of consuming scorn. The born
GROWER is the terror of the children at the summer
hotels. lie regards their presence rs a fragrant out
rage upon his rights. ana apparently Is never so
happy as when taking tL.m to task for " making
frightful bedam right under my window
Uuhapplness is the law of the being OF the born
GROWER. He Is an inverted Mark 1aplry. He can
readily find an occasion for fau finding where ori-
nary mortals would see only the opportunity for
unqualified eiioitaton. 1t is scarcely too much to
say that bis mental and moral nature are so dread
fnly deformcd that ne enjoys being miserable. III
was of the born GROWER that the landlord whom he
had harasscd to within an inch OF his life tod the
drastic story. Your landlord of summer hotel Is
the best uatured llan in the world. but when tod-
den pon too frequently and too heavily he Will turn,
the landlord will. said the landlord of the
born grower, in fact to the born GROWER, when pa
tience with the born GROWER had passed
from being comnendable virtue to
being loathsome vice: MY friend. it wouldn't
do you any good to 20 10 heaven you would not
be any better satisfied than you are here. III
bet ten to one that before you had been in heaven
half an hour you'd be going around complaining
that YOUR halo didn't tit worth cent ard chated the
back of your neck"
This community Is certain to see a good deal Of
the born GROWER this winter. Like the poor, he is
with US every season. He will blight the
social circle, cause his neghbors to regret
that his honor Judge Lynch never visits
The metropolis. aud cast a gloom six inches thick
over the club that m weak moment neglected o
blackball HIM. But let us not be too hard Oh the
born GROWER, for he serves good purpose. H.
helps to furnish capital subject for the debating
societies, the question being, l. the born GROWER
the cause or the effect of chronic dyspepsia