The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-08-13
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM.
Is anybody betting on the Bey
now ?-BuffalO EgpTtSS.
"Short crops" is the cry in the bar
bers' shops at this season Of the year.
Rev. DR.. Boggs believes in church
debts, because. he says, they in
crease the interest.
Some men are like oil poured on
the troubled waters of life, and other
men are like Oil-the OF! of vitriol.
An editor who was told that his
last article was as clear rs mud
said: swell, that covers the ground,
anyhow"
What are the wild waves saying
On the sands near the hotel door?
"You've got to do some steep old paying
When you summer by the sad sea-
shore"
Candidates for Congressional hon
ors this fall will practices how to
trill the ''r" in such words as liar
and scoundrel.
81 have fresh cold" said a
gentleman to his acquaintance
"Why do you have a fresh one?
Why don't you have 1t curedY
In the wild west.-These hot
nights in Leadyille folks are fire.
queRtly covered with nothing more
than a revOlver.-DenUer Tribune.
Here is a good proverb, older than
Wall street, and yet it is not without
it's application, Sell not hear
skin before yOu.haVe caught bear"
Oh, shoot the man,
With the palm leaf fan,
Who carries q red, red nose;
And says, "WhOoE WheW
bot enough for you?"
Which is all the creature knows.
"WelI, old fellow, what are you
doing noW?" Nothing; but I've a
big scheme on foot. Lots of money
in it." "A-ah! What is it?" "I'm
going into a banking house" "A-ah!
After dark ?"
An old "bach" wanted to get even
with the widows of WilliamspOrt,
Pa. who had gossipped about him
and so he left them $4,000 in
his will. He knew they'd fight
over it until the last dollar went to
the lawyers.
Pat Ito Sandy)-"Shure, now,
Sandy, yer a goOd-lOoking fellow;
but yer lace spoils yez greatly.
You've the fOine open counter
ance, though" Sandy-"Ou, aye,
man, and We haze the fine open coun-
tenance, yerseP; but it's below the
nose"
In Springfield they have way of
taking up a collection just before
the clergyman reads his text. This
plan works we'll to prevent people
from leaving church before the ser
vices are concluded, but it is noticed
many wOrShiperS come in late.-Pe-
OriG Transcript.
A scientific journal tells us that a
little bird, the red-tail, has beenseen
to catch 600 flies in an hour. If any
red-tail who happens to see this
paragraph is out of employment
Just now it can find a bod situation,
at remuneratiVe wages in any town
in IoaOG State Register.
"What's the crowd about?" quer-
led stranger, as he noticed stream
of visitors going into fashionable
residence Its a silver weddIn'."
obligingly replied his informant.
What's a silver Weddin'?" "Why,
a chaps been married % times, and
he's a celebratin' of il"
An Austin couple were discussing
what name to give their recently ar
rived infant. 'Let us name him af-
ter YOUR uncle who went to Kansas
last wear for his health" suggested
the mother. "Pd like to name the
boy after him, but how are we to
find out what name he goes by
now ?"-TeUGS S1tingS.
A mistress who had just hired a
new cook made tour Of inspection
after she had kept her week, and
found policeman locked up In the
pantry. chow did this man get
here" asked the lady severely.
''Pm sure l don't know" answered
the girl; Che must have been left
over by the old COOkp
One was carrying home a cents
worth Of yeast In a pitcher, and the
other was going TO the store for
bar of soap in bulk. Family you
live in going away this summer
asked the glrl with the yeast. ~ ell
they did talk of it," replied the
other, but the dressl0sker dlsap-
pointed them. Are your folks go
ingP "They we're going, bat the
milk bill come in this morning ana
l guess they will have to put on the