St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-07-14
SQlIibS.

performance take precedence i'll stating
so simple a matter? Why not say go
ing forward and backward
Squibs.
A western editor received IL letter
from subscriber asking him to
publish cure for apple tree worms.
He replied that he could not suggest
cure until he knew what allied the
worms.
'What is the national fishery ques-
ton p pompously exclaimed an orator
and a squeaking voice in the audience
responded: sit is, Have you got Il
bite Pn
Holding for raise: Indian scalps
are worth $40 each in Arizona, but
there are few sales at that price, as the
owners are holding them for raise
Lowell Citizen.
A Western young man aged lS has
eloped with woman of three-score
years. This aesthetic craze for antiqui-
ties is becoming altogether too gener-
al, and threatens to cause trouble.
A compositor became crazy because
he could not find the glacial period
that the foreman had ordered him to
put at the end of an article.
"Do you believe in signs ?" asked
the shOpkeeper. "Well, yes, | used
to-" said Fogg; "but since you placed
in the window, Selling for less than
cost | have weakened considerably"
"See here :" yelled the farmer to the
city chap who had just fired into a
flock of ducks on the pond down back
of the house: "ThOse are not wild
ducks. Those are domestic ducks, sir"
Cant help it, sir, if they are" an
swered the city chap, calmly relOading.
"They're just as good for my purpose,
exactly. Lowell Citizen.
The mayor of Pittsburg had before
him, Tuesday morning, the son of Rev.
Jasper of Richmond famous for his
opposition to the teachings of the as
trOnOmers), for dsOrderly conduct.
The youth has three brothers, one of
whom is a preacher, and he admitted
that he was the black sheep of the
flock. Asked if he was a believer in
his fathers theories, he replied, 81 am
his son, sab ~ Whereupon the mayor
was led to say, "Your fathers theory
is correct, the son do move-ten days
to jail"
The scarcity of eggs is believed to
be on account of the hens getting on IL
strike. The chief rooster at Pittsburg
has ordered the hens to strike, owing
to the introduction of steam for hatch
ing chickens. The "Amalgamated
Chickon and Egg Association" argues
that if the chickens are to be Matched
by steam, the people who hatch them,
thus doing the work of the hens by
machinery, may also lay the eggs. This
will eventually bring the chicken
hatchers to time, as they know perfect
ly well that they cannot lay eggs by
steam. The hens are right, and the
Sun will stand by them until they gain
their point. That is the kind of roOs-
ter the Sun is Peck's Sun.
b, who "run" country store
and employed ii number of wOod-chOp-
pers, one day met an old debtor.
''Well, JONES'" said b., are you ont of
work ?" eyes, sir" he replied. 'WOuld
you go to work for me and have it
credited to your old account, if should
make it very easy for you ?" inquired
b. 81 don't know. How will you fix
it ?" answered Jones. "Well, III tell
you," said b. "YOu know | am paying
my choppers a dollar a day E; but, if
you are disposed to work out your old
Indebtedness, will allow you four
dollars "A day until the old account is
settled. What say you?" Jones, af-
ter meditating few moments, sudden
ly exclaimed ''Ill do it, if you'll only
make it half cash"
"When | shake hands wild a stran-
ger" said Brother Gardner, as silence
fell upon the members, 81 dOan keer
two cents wheder his great gran'fader
was Il cabinet officer or IL cObbler ;
wheder his own gran'fader sold silks or
kaliker; whedcT his fIdcr was coop
er or statesman. De man | have to
deal wild am de man befO' me an not
de dust an bones an cOffins of his
predecessors. He may size up well or
he may run to remnants /; he may be
spar or he may he n blk he may be
honest or he may have de right bower
up his sleeve dat am fur me to find
out. | doan propose to jine hands wild
"A stranger bekase his gran'father cum
ober wild de Pilgrims. Neither shall |
lend five dollars to one % my color on
de ground dat his uncle weighed ton
an shook hands wild three different
Presidents. De pussOn who trabels
from dis kcntry on nothing but de rec
ord made by some relative half IA cen
tury since will land i'll Jail as soon as
in good society"
A two and half years old young
ster on High street said a bright thing
the other day. His mother and some
others of the family were away, and it
so happened that he and his father
were alone at dinner time. The des-
sert consisted of a certain kind of pie,
of which the little fellow had not been
allowed to eat very much but as
mamma was away he laid his plans to
} get on the right side of his father and
have what pie he wanted. When it
was brought on, and the father was
helping himself, the boy asked for
some and on being told that mamma
: might not like him to have a piece, he
sought to make the matter all right by
! saying: ~ won't tell mamma !" He
, was given a small piece, which he dis
posed of with neatness and dispatch,
and began to think of more. AS his
father was helping himself to a second
; piece, the little rogue leaned over and
said to him: "If you don't give me
mother piece UW tell mammal He
got another piece of pie.-[St. Albans
Messenger.