Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1882-06-29
Hrr AEp auNoR

enable doctors to live.
When Al home. the chlnaman is
Mongolian. When in the United states I
he Is Mustgolian.
.Neyer put OF until to-morrow" what 4
you ought to put on to-day. You might
40 cnld i, f-cfI 4lrrfefi ilofi2N M
Ittakes man seyeh years to raise an
alligator bic enough 10 bite his raiser's
leg OF. Hyou don't believe 1t you can
try it and see. ..f1I
Vermont couple have married after
a courtship of twelve years, during |
which the brides father has put seven
sets Of hinges on the front gate.--ED-
change. u, 4. as. 1si ai. ,u 30 4
Professor in psychology: 'Tan we
conceive of anything as being out OF
time and still occupying spaceP A"s'-
zeal Student (thoughtfully): .Yes, sir;
A poor singer in chorus"
The Marquis Of Lorne, II is said, claims
that some OF his ancestors put their ieet
under King Arthur's Round Table. Ii
his ancestors had been Americans they
would have put their feet on top OF it.
A writer says: "The bycicle is great
thing to put flesh on mans leg. 1t is
also great thing to take flesh OIL
mans nose and other portions OF his
face. &,
Statistics disclose the fact that to ev-
ery ten children born in Wales, less than
seven ever reach their goth year. The
others are worn out learning to speak
Welsh. a psas
"Miss Schuyler" humbly; but she
went ON relentlessly: II wonder what /
vou think Of us girlsp Do you believe
we think you SO well worth winning that
we are ready to take you at the very
slightest hintp"
"Dont you think, ? asked Brown, "that
Pingry is laboring under an hallucinar
tionPi mo, I don't replied Fogg.
"He has an hallucination, but | don't
believe he is laboring under it. never
knew him to labor under any thing"
Bisa hale old bachelor of 60, ordi-
narily with white hair. The other day
friend met him, and exclaimed, at
seeing his purple black locks: "How's
thisp Have you taken to dyeingP" ooh,
no,r replied b, "but lam in deep mourn-
ing"
He had owned setter dog, and this
was the story he told: :,is'Yes, sir; the
way that. dog was devoted to me was
lust amazing. Why, he heard me say
to my wife that l was pressed for mon
ey, and he went and died the day before
the dog tax was assessed" @sai7 IS
..Eight parts in ten of the, blood con-
sists Of pure water, do you remark that,
Mrs. Toofioridap'' II do, sir; and if
it's YOUR own blood you are talking
about, Mr.. Tooforida, take my word for
it, the other two parts consist Of
whisky" is. .s5
A Hartford clergyman to newly
welded pair--The marriage state inn
poses various duties. The husband must
protect the wife, while the wife must
follow the husband whithersoever he
goes. Brtde--Lor, sir, can't that be al7
tered in our casep My husband is going
to be acountry postman. ai
A man in st. Louis sat watching stone
masons laying cellar wall, when he
suddenly arose, approached one of them.
aimed pistol at him and shot him dead.
His defense was insanity, and If be was
hiring the men by the day and the man
worked at the rate Of speed usual to
masons it'sno wonder the employer went
insane,
Veryfew prettiergirls have lever seen
than one who sat nearme an evening
not long ago, at table d hote, at the Con-
tinental, Philadelphia. The loveliest Of
auburn hair, beautiful features, smallest
of mouths and prettiest of teeth-all
combined to make her exceedingly at
traetive. Turning to a queer-looking
little old lady at her side, she suddenly
exclaimed, 20, ma, amt them mince
pies beastlyP" st,5
A man travelling in New Hampshire
and seeing a lahorer at work in q field
said, rather pityingly tohim: '.You must
have hard time Of It, this land is SO
rocky and barrenp' And the laborer
replied: sYes, stranger it is poor land.
But don't think I'm 50 poor as seem
don't own any Of it,"
Ella Wheeler warbles: "The year has
but one June, dear friend; the year has
but one June You are right, Ella;
the year has but one June. At least,
that is all we can find in the almanac
But sometimes we are almost willing te
swear that it has two Januaries, with 8
month between them. - Nor7istoscn Her.
aid. fls
When q Kentucky congressman was
informed that he could have all the gar
den seeds he wanted from the Agricul
tural Department, he exclaimed, 'Seeds
what do / want seeds forp But hold on
Yes, yes; / believe want q few AND
he forthwith sent for q half-bushel o
cardamon seeds, the only seeds he hat
any use for.
II tell you, said the canvasser, ''yo,
have no idea of the hard work there i
In this business. 1t is either talking o
walking from morning till might" /" "Be.
pardon replied the victim. II have
pretty distinct idea Of the talking par
Of your programme. Now please favo
me with an exhibition of the walkin!
part" The canvasser exhibited.
"A good fellow, little deaf, went int
. theatre in London, the other day
where pantomine was going on. Fo
iive minutes he contented himself wit
listening with all his might, leaning fol
ward, making an ear-trumpet with hi
hand, etc. At last, finding himself sti
unsuccessful, he rises, and cries out in
rage: Louder! Louder, I tell you; ne
body can hear that!'
French matrimonial agents are some
times men Of genius. One of this ger
try has lately conceived the idea Of oper
ing 4 grand mourning store an