Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-09-16
Saturday Smiles.

destroy me it it were not destroyed by my whole.
Breakfast.
''Im shocked" exclaimed Mrs. Brown. STEP
ing into the pantry just in time to catch Johnny
in the act of hiding a jar Of preserves beneath
the folds Of his jacket; Eyes, Johnny, I'm
shocked" EYES, MAJ responded the Young
rogue "a laden jar is enough to give anybody
shock"
Extract from letter written by one of the
pupils at young ladies' boarding school in
Massachusetts to her father:
"And lastly. dear pa, must tell you that the
young fellows In this neighborhood use bears
grease on their hair to such an extent that all
the girls wear oil silk capes l wish you would
tell ma to buy me one as soon as she can"
The guests have dined and the host hands
round case of cigars.
81 don't smoke myself" he says "but you
VIII find them good-my man steals more of
them than Of any other brand ever had"
A member of the church severed his connec-
tion with his brethren shortly after his election
as director in well known railroad COMPANY
There was movement to induce him to recall
his resignation, but it was abandoned when the
minister remarked to the congregation the next
Sunday, "We are sorry to part with Brother
B, and yet he did right to go. No man can
serve God and railroad monopoly at one and
the same time"
"a fig for all your SCIENTISTS" contemptu-
ously exclaimed Mrs. Fltzallen. addressing her
husband who was profoundly engrossed in the
progress OF modern science and made it fire.
quent subject OF conversation to the exclusion
OF topics in which Mrs. Pitzallen was Interested
"A fig for them all, say. There's-what do
you call him?-St. George-and-the Dragon
Mivart, in his work on the cat. who tells that
1T has language of sounds to express it's emo
lions, just as if anybody who ever slept in the
back of the house didn't know that" And for
the first time in his life Mr.. FitZallen made no
attempt to reply to her.
An item fof the household Says "If the water
in which new cabbage is boiled is changed once
or twice it Is less likely to be indgestible." Per-
haps it is; and persons who are in the habit of
drinking water in which new cabbage is boiled
should heed the suggestion; but as long as water
is so cheap we shall continue to take ours raw
NOrrist0lcn Herald.
Why is a selfish friend like the letter p? Be-
cause though first to pity, he is last to help.
81 love the summer" said the boarding
school girl when she eloped with her arithmetic
teacher.
A physician falls into fit while making a
round Of visits, and is carried into drug store
Send for DR.. x" says somebody" No, no.
not for him." says the dying man feebly, at
the mention of his rivals name; ''if he brought
me around it would advertise himl prefer to
die"
A correspondent asks:-"W What time of year
do the days begin to shorten?" When you have
annlhilator OF time. The days are crowded
together in thin layers, and the nights are like
q smear from q backing Observation-Disclosures
Traveller.
An aged peasant learns that the village doc
tor, to whom he had advanced some small
but debts. "Tbere," says he to his Wife, with
. delighted chuckle, elf hadn't had the good
luck to have that fit of infammatory rheuma-
tlsm two months ago, where would my money
be?"
The colonel, who lives in the south, was find
ing fault with Bill: one of his hands, for neglect
OF work, and saying he would have no more
preaching about his place-they had too many
protracted meetings to attend. "Bill amt no
preacher" says Sam. "He's only 'zorter"
wen, what's the difference between preacher
and an exhorter?' ''Why, you know preacher
he takes tex, an den he done got to stick to
1t. But 'zorterNhe kin branch"
DE-. Dosem, an Austin physician, was called
on to attend old Uncle Nose, who drives dray
" You nave been gOrging yourself with green
WaternelOns for dinner said the physician,
feeling the patients pulse. "How de debbil did
yer yer find dat out-by feelin my pulseses7" "No,
but by seeing the watermelon rinds under the
pea. SAID the old man, raising himself up in
ped, You am de knowinst man in Austin.
Hean, Old oman, take dat ole harnessfrom under
de ped, or dis heah medicinal gemman am gwine
to treat me for eatin mule for dessert to settle
my stomach. 1 amt teched q watermillion in
foah weeks."-Ieras tSittings.
At council of officers called by Stonewall
jackson, 1T was remarked that Major - was
wounded and would be unable to do the duty
assigned him. "WOunded!' said Jackson; 'if it
really Is SO, think it must have been by an &C
cidental discharge of duty"
A very quick child made an observation to
her governess the other day, which had a great
"How is it, my DEAR" inquired the lady.
'tnat you do not understand this simple thing2"
Il DO not know, indeed' p she answered, with
q perplexed look; "but I sometimes think
have so many things to learn that have not
time to understand"
Among the troops in Western Virginia stories
ABOUT the Philippi affair formed a staple Of con-
Versatlon. A certain Indiana company, almost
worn out with marching, was struggling along
with very, little regard to order. Hurrying up
his men, the captain shouted, ''Close up, boys!
On you. close up! If the enemy were to fire
on you when you're struggling along that
way they couldn't hit q d--n enc of you! Close
up!' And they closed up Immediately.
Gross official Neglect i'm Chicago.
From the Chicago News,
The Princess Louise has gone, but why she
mo- olyon to- DO