The Fremont County record. [volume] (Canon City, Colo.) 1877-18??, 1882-12-23
FUN CLIPPED.

When telling ofhis luck. at home,
He drops the -" and lies"
The speckled hen goes scratching round.
And with the rooster plays,
But all at once she looks profound,
And drops the ''p," and lays.
A simple but significant inscription in a
western cemetery: "The editor was in"
1t makes very little difference how a
hotel napkin is folded The query with
the guest Is, who used it last?
Il aim to tell the truth" Eyes, inter.
rupted an acquaintance, sand you are prob
.bly the worst shot in America"
DIR. Talmage says that having faith may
be carried go far that the family milk man
viii in time leave nothing but chalk and
water.
Flatbush girl recently gave quilting
party, and all the girls contributed blocks
captured by their respective bulldogs. They
call it an album quilt
A French doctor makes business of
curing snoring, and warrants a cure for SO.
1t has been suggested that he be hired by
the Pullman Car company.
A Missouri reverend who holds that she
who eats corned beef and breakfast bacon
cannot be a lady, gets away with a pound
of plug tobacco a week and feels himself
perfect gentleman
This is the time of the year when the
aged and decrepit liar sits around in the
grocery store, whittles the pork barrel, and
tells of the snow storms they used to have
in July and August
A stranger walked in ON pet bear owned
by st. Louis butcher and wanted to shake
hands. All the clothes that he had on
when the bear was beaten off consisted Of
shirtband and one stocking.
1t is during these days of business that
clergyman, on selecting n chapter of the
Bible to read in church, first looks at the
end of the last verse TO make sure that no
patent medicine advertisement is hitched
on.
Two strangers met in Silver Cliff, and one
asked the other where the mineral forna-
tions were In pockets" WAS the reply
The other said he thought it was, for every
man he met pulled chunk from one of
his pockets.
new book is called How TO Keep a
Store Ii is work of several hundred
pages, and life is too short to read it. The
best way to keep store is to advertise ju-
diciously. and to prevent it from falling
into the hands of the sheriff
"Never would call boy of mine 'Ali.s.'r
said Mrs. Jones, of Huntsville, Alabama.
II had hundred To name. Men by that
name is ailus cuttin' up capers- Here's
Alias Thompson, Alias Williams, Alias the
Night Hawk--all been took up for stealin,
An exchange says: "The outfit Necessary
for couple in Colorado to commence the
journey OF life with consists of a pair of
blankets, a pick and shovel and IA fair
knowledge of draw poker on the gentle
mans part, and coffee mill, a frying San
and washboard for the LADY,
Cloaks lined with ostrich feathers are
now in style, but the worst of this fashion
is that if a woman leaves it unbuttoncd
she is accounted i shoddyite more anxious
for vulgar display than comfort, while if
she keeps il butt0ned she might as well
have II lined with red flannel, as no one
can see it
A preacher, raising his eyes from his desk
in the midst of his sermon, was pzralyzed
with amazement to see his rude boy in the
gallery pelting the hearers IN the pews
below with horse-chcsinnts. But while
the good man was preparing a frown of re
proof, the young hopeful cried out: "You
tend 70 your preaching, daddy, III keep
EN- awake
a lady had in her employ an excellent
girl who had one fault Her face WAS al
ways in a smudge. Mrs - tried to tell
her to wash her face without offending her,
sIiu III it>i Slle Ec>prNeu TO strategy DO
you know, Bridget she remarked, in
confidential manner, lit Is said If You wash
You face every day in hot soapy water is
will make you beautiful ~ -Win it ?H an
swered the willy Bridget; sure its wonder
We never tried it, aan.r Another mis-
;ress who had just hired a new cook made
tour Of inspection after She had Kept her
week and found n policeman locked up in
the pantry. How did this man get here ?n
asked the lady, severely. I'm sure don't
know answered the girl; "he must have
been left over by the old cook
\ passenger over the Richmond Freder-
icksburg and Potomac railroad relates the
following: The cars were passing over n
tressle, and just in front of me sat an old
colored woman who showed great alarm,
and rs ii aiterward turned ont. imagined
that the whole train OF cars was iiying
through the air. 1t was not many minutes,
however before the cars passed safely over
the trestle, and as they struck terra irma the
old woman drew sigh of relief and ex-
claimed in a Te Deum tone of voice
Thank the Lord, she's h,." That reminds
us OF very neat pun by-a country gentle
man ON a similar occasion As the above
When the trcstlc had been crossed some
lady remarked; Well we've struck terra
tirma.n "Ies, madam" said the old gen
ueman in his brusqu3 way, "less terror and
more frmern