The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-07-26
NATURAL HISTORY.
nc Dodos Of the Human Race.


Professor, what is q Dodo 2''
There are several species of the Dodo, my
son, and there used to be several more be
fore the tool-killer cut the country up into
regular districts
$ Please describe some of them to me ~
With pleasure. You have probably at
tended Sundy School picnic given on the
banks of a lake or river? Six fat women,
two girls Who wear eyeglasses, and very
good boy who hsps make up party to take
ride on the water. As they are ready TO
shove off, the Dodo appears and keeps them
company - xsaegsgn
81 What is he like, and what does he DO p
He is generally soft-headed young mar
ander twenty-three years of age, and h,
stands up and rocks the boat to hear the fat
women scream and 10 induce The girls 70
call him Gweorge."
Docs the boat upset 81
alt does
And Is everybody slruwasSi =
: Evoryho,iy except tha pOSA fst IS
ways reaches the shore Il satssy. and y, *
alway 80 sorry that ii shspgszaa. Ese !,
sometimes SO affected sasas i sasss swes b.
appetite for lunch
And is anything done sssA lisa aa b
They sometimes rih kis head with 4
cheap brand of peppermint essence and tara
him ont to grass, but no one ever thinks Of
doing him harm"
And the next species 2"
The next species is youth from sixteen
to twenty. He labors under what the an.
clients termed the swellhead. He gets out
the family shotgun or revolver TO show off.
He points it at some boy or girl to see 'em
shiver, and after he has testified before the
Coroner that he didn't know it was loaded.
the affair is looked upon as ended"
g Is this species ON the increase n
'Well no. The friends of the victims
have got TO making such fuss over these
trifes that they didn't-know-it-w loaded
Dodo isn't quite holding his own"
What is the third species p"
1.-THE third species belongs to the female
sex OF course there are two sexes of the
nodo. She buys arsenic to kill rats, or cor
rosive snblmate to discourage bed-bugs, or
Paris greeli TO give eockroaches hint to
skip, aud she leaves the package on the pam
try shelf alongside of her baking powder.
She may keep 'en separate for two or three
days, bat it isn't over u week before the fam.
ily begins to lose their appetite and hire q
cheap boy to go for doctor and stomach
pump"
" And is she sorry ?"
"Oh, yes. She didn't mean to, you
h.ow never thought of killing the family !;
always lived happy with her husband; had
entirely forgotten that he had any life insur.
ance; was in hurry and didn't stop to
look 86
"And is there yet another species of Do
do?"
"Seyeral others, but we haven't the time
TO take 'emin detail and give full particulars
in each case. The man who thinks the best
horse wins is n Dodo The woman who
gets into society ON the strength of her false
hair, small waist, painted eyebrows, ebalked
cheeks and cramped feet is Dodo. The
man who thinks he can take comfort on a
steamboat excursion--the man who goes on
fishing excursion-the woman who weeps
over the heathen the girl who writes poet
ry ON sunsets--the young man looking for a
necktie to become him the old man who
marries young wife-why, 1t would taks
me an hour to mention them an Put away
your books in careful manner and we will
walk ont and see some live specimens of tho
Dodo. know of one who has engaged ia
deliver Fourth of July Grafton, and per.
haps we may get shot at him. Detroit
Free Press.