The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-03-28
Sense and eNn,,senge.

Dead locks-false hair.
Flint locks-s miser's bair.
Society kills more people than it cures.
Inquirer-Where is the best place to
slngr The desert.
A fellow can't dig clans without mo
wing mussel e
If ship arrives in port second late,
they dock 1t.
Detroit has gum socials. You needn't
go unless you chews
Persons VINO write about fashions are
seldom fashion riehters.
b The man who explodea With laughter
didn't know it was loaded.
There are many things we're doing
that in after years We'll be ruine.
Education may not prevent crime, bul
it Is crime to prevent education.
1t is an impartial man who won't be-
lieve his own eyes till he hears his nose
The man who is forever airing his
kno Wedge is never at loss for wind
power.
Guiteau objects to being hung mainly
because "that cuss 'CorkhlI will be tick.
led over it,
81 occasionally drop into poetrv," ae
the man said when be fell into the eai-
torial waste basket,
"Cau woman keep secret2" askes
an exchange. She can. That is to say
she can keep telling it.
There is now and then thing which
the more it is cut the longer it grows
A ditch, for instance.
1t is said this world belongs to the
energetic, cut Il doesn't. it belongs to
two or three capitalists. =
Bob Ingersoll is so uncertain whether
he is a plagiarist or not that be offers
any one $4,000 to convict him.
The Prussian Government is to buy
this year 10000 tons Of iron railroad
sleepers at cost of about S35 ton.
Everybody is saying that the Gains
o,ough hat "musL GO" Confound it,
that's just what it does do-to all the
shows.
Darling" said she to her poe.ical
young husband, "there is the silent
moon" Eyes" said he, "it's silence is
golden"
The Massachusetts House of Repre-
sentatives is to be lighted by electricity.
All Legislatures ought to do away with
gas.
1t isn't because woman is exactly
afraid OF COW that she runs away and
screams. 1t is because gored dresses
are not fashionable.
"Jay Gould can't fnd time to shave"
1t should be said, out of justice to Jay,
that this paragraph refers solely to his
face and not to spectators,
A Vermont couple have married after
a courtship of twelve years, during
which the brides father has put seven
sets of hinges on the front gate.
A young man who was presented With
IL Queen Anne pen.wipers on Christmas,
by his lady friends, continues to wipe
his pen on his coat tail.
A man eighty-ive years olG and a
woman s;xty.fye, who lived ih The lower
palt of Dawson county. Georgia, ran
away last week and got married.
A woman in Worcester who gave
birth to twins fourteen months ago, has
just produced triplets. The next war
will fnd Massachusetts prepared.
A little girl, aged FIVE, going to bed
one night, and kneeling down to her
prayers. said: "Oh. mamma, may | only
say Amen to- -night2 l am SO tired" NJ
"Oar institutions are sacred observ.
ed Mormon elder the other day The
power which seeks to crush us must be
met with bullets and bayonets Do
you see2 rgsf -. 81
Another member of the New York
Legislature has sent his. pass back to
Vanderbilt He sent il back to have il
made out for his family instead of for
himself alone.
During the past seven years Germa-
ny has sent 100000 corsets to this
country to squeeze our women, and
thousands Of gallons OF Rhine wine to
make our men tight.
Bradlaugh. the atheistical would be
Member of Parliament, is described as
ian imposing looking man, his physiog-
nomy denotine the possession of uncom
mon intellect"
til tile things that fret and worry
US. A 3-year-old boy may keep a man
in perfect misery, whereas no such tria s
would accompany the presence OF his
lS-year-old sister.
In Southern Kentucky there is not 8
"maj>r." But if any one shouts "Colo-
mel 2" the very mules en- the turnpikes
stop, wondering what the driver has to
communicate to them. q"
A negro woman of Kansas City adver-
tises that if the parents OF an infant
lately LETT with her do not Immediately
claim it and pay charges she will dispose
Of it at auction. - .,s
Little L?ttie TO her friend: 81 have 80
many cares. Yesterday o little baby
sister arrived, and papa is on a journey
It was but piece of luck that mamma
was at home to take care of it," ra
A blanket mill at Marlboro, New
Hampshire. has been closed because
some substance in the wool used Kept
the operatives vomiting. They liked the
business, but had to throw it up.
In the gallery of the Louvre, before
the statute of the Venus of Milo; Little
boy-"What did they cut her arms of
for ?" Mother" Because she put heI
fingers In the sugar-bowl "
Mrs. Jenkins didn't present such {
grand layout of food, but she centr;veC
TO have three fresh scandals trotted ou
during the afternoon, aud somehow th,
sewing society went away impressed
with the idea that Mrs. Jenkins wa
splendid at entertaining, and they ha,
just had lovely time. ut
| Mr.. Nelson Gardner, Treasurer of th
Baptist Church at Plain6eld. New Jel
sey. committed suicide last Monday bt
cause be had stolen $4,000 belongiu
to the chu,eh. and, as be expressed it
2 letter to his wife, "could 60 no farther
r Mr.. Gardner evidently forgot that Il
a church organ might have been NOR