davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-21
80 Acres for Sale.

The north half of the northeast quarter OF sec e
of range fifteen u.s. west. containing so acres
The land is all level or gently rolling all plow
land Wei 1mbered with principally marc MA
pie, yellow birch and iron -wood-some Iaige
pines The soil is rich loam--an old indian su,
gar-bush covers about Is acres OF It. eoou
spring on northeast corner, near log mousse
which has good shingle roof
Apply to j. Lutte. CHRISTIE
~ SlfreriOr WIS.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-21

We do not believe in putting
tramps in Office. Let the official places
be given to men who have some per-
manent interests in our growth and
prosperity, aside from political prefer
mpOt
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-21

judging from what we have seen
in the papers the past few days we in
fer that the Democrats have been vic
torious in Ohio. But then, Ohio Will
redeem herself in 1884, and don't you
forget ii.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-21

Judging from our Minnesota Fifth
district exchanges, Kindred, the regu-
lar Republican nominee, is daily gain
inc ground and votes He will no
doubt be elected as he ought to be.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-21
The BAYFIELD, Press changed ov

Tne Da71t1u Ttss cnd1geU OTn-
ers last week, Mr.. Wing retiring and
Mr.. c. G. Bell has grasped the quill
and scissors, and he Yields them as
zone having authority" and familiar
with his duties. Success to you, Bro
Bell.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-21

We have one or two carpet
baorers' in town who have the official
Itch terribly Do the people feel like
oiv5pF f2le official management Of our
as}.a;f7 mo tie hands If suchZ
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-21

One political aspirant has declared
that if he could not be given certain
Office he would leave the town. If
the Republicans are so foolish as to
nominate this carpet Dagger, the peo-
pie will repudiate him.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27


A Preachers JoKrs. When Mr. Chaplin
was dining at a hotel he was served with
what was called barley soup on the bill Of
fare. THAT is not barley soup" said he to
the waiter; . it is barely soup" On an
other occasion, while travelling in the South
with his wife, who was uncommonly dark
complexioned, he addressed an old colored
man rs ''uncle." How happens it, said
his wife roguishly, THAT that colored man
is your uncle ?" " He is my uncle by mar
riage, I suppose" He once asked his
daughter, who was also pronounced bru-
nette and very small, Marion, why are
you like certain Boston book publishing
house z" II give it up, father" SAID she.
: Because you are little and brown" was
the answer Waits
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27
rENNYsoN,s home IN SURREY.

Some twelve years ago Tennyson built a
house ON the northern slope of Breakdown,
lordly hill two miles to the northeast of our
village, and just opposite Hindhead, these
being the two eminences which guard the
valley east and west The house is a large,
imposing stone structure, built in free treat
ment of domestic Gothic of the Tudor period,
the entrance being large porch with five
pointed arches. The laureate can be M SOL
itary here as the most confirmed anchorite,
since his Is the only residence on the hill.
A carriage road winds up Breakdown on the
western side as far as Tennyson's, enabling
too many persons to come near the house
for the poets pleasure. Very many distin-
guished men are slowly drawn up that hill,
ON flying visits to the laureate the Duke of
Argyle and his Scotch gillie being on the
ascent when we were last that way.
Tennyson naturally dislikes to find per-
sons creeping around his grounds, and
piucking leaves from his plants as memen-
tos, as they constantly do at Freshwater
Once, seeing a face peering at him while
eating his dinner, the exasperated poet left
the table; exclaiming that he could no longer
take his meals in comfort without being
watched. Alice Maude Fem, in the Cen
tury
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27
PRISONERS CLEVER TRICK.
Trying to Escape From Jail by Pretending
TO be Dend.

When Sheriff English entered the cell oc-
supied by Thomas Ely in the Jail at Green's
boro, Ca, last Tuesday morning he found
that prisoner stiff and stark by the side of
the cot. STOPPING, the Sheriff tried to lift
the prisoner and then the pulse was felt
carefully until the officer became convinced
that there was one burglar less in the world
while at the same time there was one more
dead darkey. 1t did not need to establish
tho fact of death the testimony of "Old
Charles" the occupant of an adjoining cell,
who called out, "Poah Tummy died dis
mo'nin' afoah day." The Coroner visited
the cell few hours later and, learning from
"Old Charles that heart disease had snap
ped the hfespan of many an Ely, he with a
jury found that so Tom had died. The
Sheriff gave orders that rough pine box
should be knocked together and that the
deceased should be buried near the Jail that
evening. But there was to be q sudden
turn in the sad affair. 1t is not likely that
Tom had ever read Charles Levers story OF
the Irish debtor who had himself carried 10
coffin out of Dublin to avoid his creditors,
yet the idea of the trick must have come to
him in some channel, for that afternoon a
boy was frightened away from the cell bars
at wink from the corpse. The boy ran to
Sheriff English, suffering - Boss, d-d-is
Is the fus d-d-dead niger ever seed b-b-bat
his eyes" The sheriff sent for DR.. Bethes,
who smiled as he grasped the hand of the
corpse aud who then punched the prisoner
among the ticklish ribs. The dead burglar
gave snort and sat upright In the coffin.
All persons in the cell laughed, but Ely
effected to be just recovering from serious
trance. He confessed on Wednesday that
he had adopted the ruse in order to escape,
thinking that when he should be pronounced
dead his cell door would be left open. He
added that he possessed the power Of sus-
pending his breath and of keeping up a
death trance for several hours.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

1t is entirely different from all others
1t is as clear as water, and, as Its name
indicates, is perfect Vegetable Hair
Restorer. 1t will immediately free the
head from all dandrufl, restore gray hair
to its natural color, and produce new
growth where it has fallen off. 1t does
not In any manner affect the health,
which Sulphur, Sugar of Lead, and Nj
trate of Silver preparations have done. 1t
will change light or faded hair in few
days to beautiful glossy brown. Ask
your druggist for it. Each bottle is war
ranted. SMITH, KLINE & Co., Wholesale
Agents, Philadelphia, and c. N. CRIT
TENToN, New York.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27
A BIRD ROMANCE.
The Separation and Reunion of Two Ring
Doves.

About three weeks ago one of my male
ring doves suddenly disappeared one even
ing, leaving his mate alone with the burden
of two eggs laid only few days before
The mode of his disappearance was alto
gether mysterious and has not yet been
cleared up. As he did not appear next
morning concluded that he had been seized
by some of the neighboring cats which
prowl about the house in the evening
Meanwhile the female remained faithful to
her charge, leaving her eggs only few mo-
mems twice day. AT first she called for
her mate when the hour came at which she
ought to be relieved; but in q few days,
compromising, as it seemed, that she was q
widow, she became silent and brooded alone
over her eggs. To my surprise, however,
on the morning of the twelfth day soldier
of the Alpini brought me the missing male,
saying that he had been found by another
soldier in the woods near the quarters, that
is, fully mile off. The poor little birds
tail looked rather ragged and he seemed as
IL he must have been in captivity some
where, but he recognized me at once and
came to me without trouble. carried him
to the nest where his mate was sitting and
placed him beside her wishing to see what
be would do. To my disappointment he
did not seem to recognize her and jumped
out again. placing himself upon rod in
front of it. I ought to say that the nest,
being in hole in the wall, is somewhat
dark, and that ring doves do not see with
out good deal of light. In q minute or
two the female came ont of the nest and
placed herself beside him. There they rec
ognized each other in an instant, and such
recognition / never saw The two kissed
each other hundred times with cries of the
widest delight, they fluttered round each
other and at last, in their own way, en-
braced each other. The male then entered
the nest, looked at the eggs, called the
mother to come and sit on them, went in
quest of twigs to make the nest more COM
Portable, and at the end of an hour came
and took his turn on the eggs. The female
then went out, perched on q vine and care
fully trimmed her feathers. Since then the
family life has gone on in the ordinary way.
The young doves came out two or three
days after the fathers return, and are al
ready as large as chickens just hatched.-
Boston Adpertiser
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

CANNING Corn. Over sixty coru can
neries in the State of Maine annually put up
nearly 100000 cans. An exchange has
made an estimate of the cost at which corn
is prepared for the market. The farmer is
said to receive three cents for the corn con.
tanned in the can; the tin and solder cost
three cents, and the remaining four or Ave
cents goes to the manufacturer for putting
up and marketing. The can contains twen-
ty-six ounces of corn so that farmers raise
from 1000 to 5000 cans per acre, the aver
age being about 1900, giving it a cash value
of $40. There are several factories in Mas
sachusetts, but Maine is said to put up one
third Of the corn canned in the country.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

thought it would be nice to be giraffe; for
then he could stand on the ground and Get
the apples, pears, and cherries that grew on
Farmer Jones' trees, beyond the danger Of
dogs and bear traps, and could also taste the
good things all the way down his neck. But
Johnny had sore throat the other day, and
as he laid his head on his pillow upon retir-
ing, he confdentialiy remarked to his mother
that he was glad he wasn't a giraffe, after
oil A giraffe with two or three yards of
sore throat dwarfed his own affection into
nothingness by comparison. -Boston Traa-
script.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27
A varied Performance.

Many wonder how Parker's Ginger
Tonic can perform such varied cures,
thinking it essence of ginger, when in
fact it is made from many valuable medi-
cines which act beneficially on every dis
eased organ.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

FIoKLB FORTUNE Fortune, it is said,
knocks once at every mans door. This may
be true but in the majority of eases she
sneaks around and taps at the back door,
then scoots off across lots before the house.
holder can realize that he has just missed a
charming chance of becoming blooming
bloated bondholder. Y. Commercial I'D
pertiser.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

A MATTER OF WIND AT q German church
new organist had been engaged who was
fond of adding some appropriations to every
piece he played On the first Sunday, when
he had finished the :" Gloria, he wished to
add few bars of his own, but the blower
suddenly ceased to work. eco on" the
organist cried, angrily; "don't you see lam
still playing?" playing, indeed" said the
blower az have been in this business for
~ mast thirty years and know just exactly
3ow much wind is required for Gloria
r don't see why you should have any more
than yonr predecessor. VI 'Gegends Biatter
NATIONAL CHARAcrRRIsrIcs OF BEER DarNx
ERs. Let fly drop into mug filled with
the inviting liquid, and one may quickly
tell the nationality of the drinker. A Span
lard will pay for the beer, but quickly move
of without touching it. A Frenchman viii
pay and go, but will loudly sputter. An
Englishman will empty the mug and order
another. A German will carefully Ash ont
the fly and swallow the beer A Chinaman
will rescue the fly, eat it, and pour the beer
under the table.
The Law OF CONVERSATION -" George
said materfamilias to the small boy, . if you
don't behave better shall send you to bed
fifteen minutes before your usual time, !" and
then George put in this poser: 81 say,
mother, when do behave first rate why do
you not let me stay up fifteen minutes be-
yond my regular time - Boston Commercial
aBulletin.
ABOUT A SLEErER,-The New York
Post illustrates the beauties Of our
English language: GA sleeper Is one
who sleeps. A sleeper 10 that IN which q
sleeper sleeps. A Aleepsr is that on
which the sleeper which carries the
sleeper while lie sleeps, runs. Therefore,
while the sleeper sleeps in the sleeper the
sleeper carries the sleeper over the sleeper
under the sleeper until the sleeper which
carries the sleeper jumps of the sleeper
and wakes the sleeper in the sleeper ny
striking the sleeper under the sleeper.
and there is no sleeper In the sleeper on
the sleeper."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27
TO ADVERTISERS.

Advertisers will find THE RECORD good advertising medium
It cuates among the class Of people that wanted
and the rates reasonable which be learned upon app
cation ct the Office either personally by letter a s a
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27
SEEKING INFORMATION.
A Negro Who is Anxious 10 Learn Aboai
the North.

We had to wait for half ar hour between
Charleston and Savannah for the Waycross
train, and during this time a black man
came up to me and inquired:
'sSay, boss doan yon lib up Norf Z"
Yes
"Dat's what reckoned on Kin l Ak 3
few questions p
You CAM
Well, sab, does ebery culPd man up dar
own brick house with cupulo on top?s
"Oh, no."
Does he walk aroun' with bag of gold
in one ham an bag of silver in the odder 7"
al never saw any Of them taking such
walk"
sDo dey all own bosses an kerridges 2"
me-
do dey all have diamonds an pearls an
welvetsp"
"No.n
"Say, boss, my names Jones, an / lib
ober beyand dat pine woods. Ny ole wom-
an am all de time stirrin me up to go Mort,
an she really believes dat if we once git up
dar we kin 90 out befo' breakfast an pick
up pailfull O. diamonds. Now, sab, tell
me de solemn truf bout til Could we do
t?n
"No."
'sCould we pick up a peck 7"
"No"
" Fo' quarts 2"
mo"
1.-Two quarts ?"
mo-
"Dat's huff, boss-dat settles met 1
reckon if / axed but one quart you'd say
yes; but If anybody 'spects TIE gwine to
fool aroun' wild any such small Eaters as dat
dey I'm sadly token in. TIE kept house
long 'nuf to know dat quart o. diamonds
day wouldn't keep m'ly in CON cake an
bacon half de time. 'Bleeged to We, boss.
Mebbe III git up dat way arter awhile, but
/ shan't 'spect to own no brick house wild q
cupulo on top till I've bin dar huh week or
longer "--Detroit Free Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

- -
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

By addition New and
Modern Of Type snn aIs. work executed promptly and
the use q Printed Stationery universal tina. the oaomer desire for tasteful
aim 70 keep pace with the varied improvements in the
THE aboer of his hire
truth and while asking fair only promise full count and
good work. satisfaction
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

NERVOUSNESS IN TEXAS "A Texan stepped
into Philadelphia tonsorisl saloon to have
his hair cut. The officiating artist having
enveloped his victims neck in towels and
compressed him securely in the chair, opened
the conversation by saying: "You are a
little nervous, sir, perceive. Allow me to
say that our Capillary Elixir not only COW
err bald heads with luxurious growth of
hair. but calms the mind and restores tho
whole nervous system to healthy equilibri-
um. What do you do for nervousness in
TexasS' The representative of the Lone
Star State looked up serenely and answered:
I'VE usually go out and kill barber
Brooklyn Eagle
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27

A suit of rooms in Masonic Hall
adapted to Office purposes, is for rent.
Apply to G. Schulhaus.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-04-12

to know Capt. Tom, and they'd swim
out and rub their tails agin the boat,
an purr like cats, an look up and try
to smile"
"They would?"
Solemn truth, stranger. And once
when we grounded on bar, with an
opposition boat right behind, the ALI
gators gathered around, got under her
stern, and jumped her clean over the
bar by grand push. 1t looks like a
big story, but never told lie yet,
and never shall. wouldn't lie for
all the money you could put aboard
this boat"
There was a painful pause, and after
n while the pilot continued;
"Our ingines gin out once, and a
crowd of alligators took tow line and
hauled us forty-fve miles up stream to
Vicksburg."
lney dld
"And when the news got along the
river that Capt. Tom was dead, every
alligator on the river daubed his left
ear with mud as badge of mournin'
and lots of 'em pined and died"
The passenger left the pilot house
with the remark that he didn't doubt
the statement, and the old man gave
the wheel turn, and replied;
"Thar's one thing / won't do for
love nor money, and that's make a liar
of myself / was brung up by a good
mother, and I'll stick to the truth if
this boat don't make a cent.-Viclls-
burg Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-04-12
A Mississippi Pilots Story.

The passenger, who was going down
the big river for the first time in his
life, secured permission to climb up be
side the pilot, grim old grayback, who
never told lie in his life.
"Many alligators in the rivcr?' in
quired the stranger after look around
"Not SO many now, since they got tc
shooting 'em for their hides and taller,
was the reply.
used to be lots, eh ?"
81 don't want to tell you about EN-
stranger" replied the pilot, signing
heavily.
"Why?'
"Cause you think was a-lyin' Ia
you, and that's somethin | never do
/ can cheat at keerds, drink whisky OIL
chaw poor terbacco, but can't lie"
"Then there used to be lots of 'em ??
inquired the passenger.
"I'm most afraid to tell ye, mister
but I've counted LOO allygators to the
mile from Vicksburg crar down tc
New Orleans. That was years ago
afore shot was ever fired at 'cm."
"Well, I don't doubt it." replied tho
stranger.
"And I've counted 3,459 Of 'em on
one sand BAR" continued the pilot
at looks big to tell, but government
surveyor was aboard, and he checked
'em off as i called out"
81 haven't the least doubt Of it,
said the passenger, as he heaved sigh
"Pm glad O. that, stranger. Some
fellers would think l was liar, wher
I'm telling the solemn truth. This
used to be paradise for alligators, anc
they were so thick that the wheels o.
the boat killed an average of forty
nine."
rs that so :"
"True as gospel, mister. | used tc
almest feel sorry for the cussed brutes
cause they'd cry out cen most like 8
human being. We killed lots Of 'em
as l said, and we hurt pile more.
sailed with one captain who allus car
ried thousand bottles of liniment tc
throw over to the wounded ones"
"He did"
"True as you live, he did. dom
'spect I'll ever see another such kind
Christian man. And the slligators got
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-04-12
Breyity.

The king of Zululand is said to have
recently addressed a note to the Brit
ish officer at South Africa rs follows
Excellency: First came the mis-
sionary, next the consul, now the army.
CETYwAYo.
This brief letter recalls some short
speeches and curt correspondence which
will doubtless be delightful reading in
these times of long harrangues at AL
bany and Washington. A western
Judge once upon a time, addressed the
grand jury in these works ;--"Gentle-
men: The weather is extremely hot
/ am very old you know your duty,
perform it.
Another American judge once inter
vened in an odd way to prevent waste
of words. He was sitting in chambers,
and seeing, from the pile of papers in
the lawyers hands, that certain case
was likely to be long one, he asked ;
"What is the amount in question ?"
Two dollars, your honor" said the
plaintiffs counsel. "Pll pay it," said
the judge, handing over the money ;
"call the next case"
An English judge was more patient.
He listened for couple of days to the
arguments Of counsel as to the con-
struction of an act, and finally observ-
ed, when they were done: Brothers,
that act was repealed year ago"
One morning woman was shown
into DR.. Abernethy's room. Before he
could speak she barred her arm, saying,
"burn." GA poultice," said the doctor.
Next day she called again, showed her
ann, and said: Better" Continue
the, poultice," was the response. A
few days afterward she came again ;
tLen she said: "Well your fee ?"
"Nothing," said the great physician
Sss-are the most sensible woman |
ever saw"
Lord Berkeley, wishing to apprise
the Duke of Dorset of his changed
condition, wrote "Dear Dorset, /
have just been married, and am the
happiest dog alive. Berkeley" The
answer came: Dear Berkeley =
Every dog has his day. Dorset"
The editor of Chicago newspaper,
wanting the details of a terrible inun-
dation in Connecticut, telegraphed to a
correspondent at Hartford: "Send full
particulars of the food" The reply
came quickly: "You will find them
in Genesis"