The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-03-30

ness.
THEY are great Oh "epitaffs" in California
The San Diego Herald publishes the following,
written upon young man who was accidental
ly shot:
there lies the body of Jeems Hambrick
who was accidentally shot
on the bank Of the pacas river
by young man
he accidentally shot with one of the large
colts revolver with no stopper for the cock to
rest on it one Of the old fashioned kind brass
mounted and of such is the kingdom Of heaven"
DURING the last war with England, a Quaker
was on board an American ship engaged i'll close
combat with enemy. He preserved his peace
principles calmly, until he saw Il stout Briton
climbing up the vessel by rope that hung over
board. Selling Ratchet, the Quaker looked
over the side of the ship, and remarked:
Friend, if thee wants that piece of rope, thee
may have it ~
off the rope, and down went the poor fellow to
his long and watery grave.
ONE legged Yankee orator named Jenes was
pretty successful in bantering an Irishman,
when the latter asked him: '.How did you come
to lose your leg7"
SWELL" said JONES' ION examining INV pedi-
gree, and looking up my descent, found there
was some Irish in me, and having become con-
WINGED that il had settled in that left leg, had
it cut off at once"
''Be the powers" said Pat, sit would have
been better thing if it had settled in your
head
TINE TO STOP.-SpeakingO of counting, reminds
rs of little incident thai occurred in our city
.'once upon time" A clOse-fisted old cOdger
had likely daughter, whose opening charms
attracted the attention of q certain young man.
After some manRuyering, he ventured TO open
courtship. On the first night of his appearance
in the parlor, the old man. after doing in his
chair until o'clock, arose and put log of
wood on the fire, saying. he left the room:
There, Nancy, when that is burnt up. it's time
10 stop"
WASHINGTON IRVING related that he was once
riding with Tom Moore in the streets of Paris,
when the hackney coach went suddenly into a
deep rut, out OF which II came with such jolt
as TO send their pates bump against the roof.
"By Jove, I've got IT." cried Moore, clapping
his hands with great glee.
''Got whatf" said Irving.
"Why," said the poet, that word I've been
hunting for six weeks, to complete my last song.
That rascally driver has jOlted it out of me-"
THERE is danger in taking ether man may
let out the inmest secrets of his life while under
its influence. A citizen of Lawrence, Massachu-
sets, inhaled the insdous vapor, the other day,
for the purpose of getting tooth extracted, and
as he began to regain consciousness, anxiously
inquired: "Where am | :"
''In Jail for killing your wife, responded the
facetiOus dentist.
"In Jail for killing my wife! always thought
it would come to that"
Nor long since, two ladies were on a down.
ward trip, on board Missouri steamer. One of
them had baby about three months old. She
said her husband had been gone to California
abOut two years and half
How old is that baby - said the other.
"About three months old"
81 thought you said your husband had been
gone TO California two years aud a halfr'
''Oh! yes, he has; bWt he trrit TO me :"
ENGLISH traveller-"Hi say, sir. ham on the
right road to Artfordf
Jonathan-"Well, YOU be-"
Trayeller-" '0w far shall ave TO 60 before
! get there !"
Jonithan-"Well, if yeou turn reound and go
tother way, may be yeOn'll have TO travel
abeout ten miles. But if yeou keep on the way
yeOu are going, yeou'll have 10 90 abeout eight
thousand miles, / reckon"
THE 0BTCsE BoY.-'I say, boy, stop that OK"
81 haven't got nc stopper, sir"
''Well, head him, then"
''He is already headed, SIR"
'Confound your impertinence-turn him."
"tr's right side out already, sir"
'Speak to him, you rascal"
'Good morning, Mr.. Ok"
An Observing individual in a very healthy viii
lsge, observing the sextOG at work in hole in
the ground inquired what ne was about.
digging grave, sir.
Digging grave. Why, ! thought people
didn't die often here-do they
'oh, no, SIR, they never die but once.
"FATHER, did you ever have another wife be-
sides MOTHER
No, my boy; what possessed you to ask such
Question
because, saw IN the old family Bible where
you married Auno Domini in lS35 and that isn't
mother, for her name was Sally Smith,