The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-03-18
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
Kicks without iegs-A gun.

Often thrown together by acciuent-fai"ay
passengers.
A dull raiser-The farmer who does not read
the newspapers.
Arabella-No, powder will not make your hair
bang.
Somebody seems to have sawed Rowelrs boat.
Tribune
They were twins. The parents christened one
Kate and the other DuplKate.
II is vet an undecided question which is of
more importance to its possessor, a lady's trunk
or an elephants.
A Vassar College girl, upon being asked if she
liked Goldfish balls. said she never attended any.
John Sherman's fences are down again, and
this time even the gates seem to be somewhat
shaky. -Chi. Tribune.
There WAS an audible smile all over the room
when the teacher said: zone evening counted
% meteors sitting on my piazza"
This is what may be called epilatiy:
Little Willie was fair rs lily;
God for him sent, aud we let him went.
II one dog can be placed on scent, how many
can be placed on a trade dollar?-Ne,o Orleans
Picayune.
per gives an account OF horse trot Presume IL
was an attempt to beat time.
Mr.. Bayard is opposed to the Chinese The
name OF the Celestial gentleman who failed to
return the Bayard washing is not known.
At recent school examination the son OF II
coal dealer WAS asked how many pounds there
were ia a ton. He missed.-Phila. Ne,cs.
Prince Prisdang of Siam, who 10 about to visit
these shores to negotiate Il commercial treaty, la
no relation to "By.dang" Evans, of Chicago
Tribune
A London paper says that Prince Leopold is
liable to have tits AT any time. His marriage Is
announced for April %. Misfortunes never come
singly.--1.
"Send me some fence. boards and lot of ten
penny nails ut once II looks now as If the posts
were going to come out of the ground, "--John
Sherndn.-D.
A cable dispatch says that "Bradlaugh has ar
rived in the House Of Commons, and is seated
below the bar" Mr. Bradlaugh seems to be In
Henry Watterson's place.-ib
A dispatch from New Haven states that 'here-
after the Maley boys are to ee placed on level
with other prisoners" This is rough the
other prisoners.--ib.
Mr. Pitney must be some relation to the his
torical Connecticut gentleman who scorned to
tell lie for a shilling, but would checrfully fur
nish eight for dollar.-b.
81 feel like the boy who WAS kicked over the
fence into an orchard by mule. II was fine
place, but he was too lame to walk around and
enjoy the fruit. "-R. Conkhng.
The New York Sun defends the word "tiOus-
ers" and snecrs at the word "pantaloons." We
don't care which it is 30 long as the suspenders
don't give way.
A Californian gave poor family $500 worth of
provisions and fuel. and then, dressing up as a
beggar, he went around to the house and asked
for bite to eat. He was promptly kicked of
the steps.
There is prevailing superstitlous terror of the
number thirteen. That's probably the reason
that folks don't admire the Chicago shoe-BOS-
ton Post.
Jared far better than Rev. Joseph Cook, who, the
papers tell us, dined on the Acropolis, in Athens;
and the Acropolis is very, very old.
Boston girl was heard to say in a street.car,
on her way home from the Soldiers Bazaar, 81
think he looked like a perfect raving angel in
his unform He was awful heavenly"
The following is fashionable way to play Il
holds the cards, the second q revolver, and the
coroner the inquest.
Some men never lose their presence of mind
In New York a man threw his mother.in-law out
OF window in the fifth story of q burning build
ing, and carried a feather-bcd down stairs in his
arms.
Old Abrams!wisest remark; LEI de descend
oh ia hat Of pata tn
make a noise cherry time lie is told dar would
be such noise in de world thstyer couldn't hear
de hens cacke.'
~ notice that the serensde rendered me after
my return from the Ohio stamping tour cost
$67S.50. II the present one could be stopped as
cheapy there would not be happier man in
Washington than yours truly."--Joltn Sherman.
"The mud in Joliet" says the Ne,cs. "may
seem terrible to our citizens, but let some o
them visit Bloomington or Springfield if the
want to get an IDEA OF what mud is" As the girl
said to her mistress: "Call my hands dirty! You
ought to see my feet!'
Bill spluggns bet Ave dollars that he could
drink q quart Of Colorado whisky before sun.
down. He won the bet, and his widow remarked
next day that il was the first money Bill had
earned for year.
The mayor Of Mendoza, who is prosecuting y
libel suit against q neghbor in the Kendall cir
cult court for defamatory language, said: 81
don't mind being called fool and liar, but
bergess won't stand IL to be called poopa-
comminkW
Dr. Ward, editor Of the Independ,nt, never fails
TO see or to make point. When people were
In nd nut wh thar nr
Newman was Congregational or Methodist in his
affnities he at once cut the Gordian knot by say
ing that he was "NethogatioLal."
CAUGHT.
Twas at party last July,