davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Grotesoue INSANITY.

DR.. j. w. Hart tells story of a pa
tient who had been for some months in
the hospital without any peculiar dis
case, either of mind or body, discernible
in his habits or situation. He was q
man of wealth and went voluntarily to
the institution, paying the whole fee Of
admission required of the competent,
and established himself as regular in.
mate.
By degrees, however, his particular
hallucinations began to appear. He
fancied himself Of the other sex and
that he was in that condition in witch
"ladies love to be who love their lords"
No persuasion could induce a contrary
belief. He sent for a physician and
commenced consultation with several
elderly ladies whose professional SER
vices he imagined he should soon re-
quire. Taking to his bed. he awaited
with fear and trembling the ''pains and
perils'' he anticipated!
Being thin. attenuated man, his de-
fusion was the more ridiculous. He
offered ten thousand dollars to the ply
stefan for his safe recovery! BY favor
ing his fancy he was at last convinced
that he had passed the ordeal and was
getting well!
The man recovered entirely, and
few years ago was living and laughed
as heartily as anybody else over his
laughable infatuation, the broadcast
possible specimen of burlesque, or rath-
er grotesque insanity.-Boston Post.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Marriage Insurance.

A picturesque view of the marriage
insurance. system is given by writer
in q southern paper. He was asked
whether he thought the wedding of a
certain young lady would take place at
the time said to have been set. He gave
his opinion and asked the reason for the
inquiry. .'Oh,'' was the response, Il
have bought four matrimonial policies
of $1,000 each on her, and Pm anxious
to know if I'll get my money" ..Does
she know of thisP'' .'Oh, no. That isn't
necessary. Anybody can take out
policy on anybody else. If you know of
q lady that is engaged and will not
marry within five months from the time
you take policy on her, you can get
any amount on her wedding that you
want. l suppose there Is 5000 or
perhaps double that on the young lady
I asked you about ''How does tho
company make its money?' II suppose
it bets on the fckleness of the young
folks. No policy will be paid except
five months after it is taken out. There
are very few couples they think that
love each other well enough to marry
that will wait five months to marry. II
they do. five months Of engaged life IL
full of dangers"
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
The Man Who Buys His Wifs's Thing,

The Man Who Buys His Wifes Things.
The happiest homes are those where
the husband interferes never at all in the
household management. but turns over
to the wife the money for the house,
and leaves the rest for her. 1 can ap-
preciate the man who goes to market II
he does not 60 out for economy get
butter a cont or two less pound, or
cheaper cuts of beef-but because he
wants the best there is to be had. Men
are more skillful, more generous mar
keters, than women. They are free
with money when delicacies are offered;
they will have the first of the season of
everything, cost what it may. And the
market people seldom try to pull the
wool over their eyes, as they sometimes
do with women, and palm of uponthem
second rate articles at first-rate prices.
Men are not to be humbugged when
the stomach is in question. But mar
keting is not mans business. The
wife should control that as she should
everything which pertains to house,
keeping. II, however, there is anything
to be said in favor of the man who does
the marketing, it Is impossible to find
excuses for the man who does all the
family shopping and relegates his wife
to position in the house which is
nothing higher than that which might
be occupied by an upper servant. Pro
gTeSS.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Thought Himself 4 Woman !.

Z John Talboy Binns, one of the most
noted characters that ever entered the
Philadelphia almshouse, died in that
institution Wednesday, aged SO years.
Believing himself to be q woman and
affecting woman's ways, he was dubbed
in the institution with the title of s.Sal-
lie'' Binns. He was admitted February
is, 1858, and was at that time Al years
OF age. When young man he Joined
an amateur theatrical club. and the
hight of his ambition was to play fe-
male characters. He became quite q
monomaniac on this subject, and his in
fatuation at last took upon itself mild
form Of insanity, and for the greater part
OF his life he was thus afflicted. At all
times and upon all occasions he believ.
ed himself to be a dashing beauty, at
whose feet scores of ardent suitors
knelt, and upon whom society smiled
with favor: Clad in feminine attire
whenever ball or concert was given
for the patients. he was the center of
attraction. At all times he affected an
etfeminate voice in conversation, and
acted in every respect like one of the
female sex. The air of woman never
deserted him, and everybody who visit
ed the house called on .:Sallie'' and
purchased specimens Of his handiwork.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Professor Blaokie and his Pupils,

SSVSVNSVA oSSsSVASv VSAe>S seAO . WkAAOv
Few teachers in charge Of young men
can allow them to frolic in the class.
room, and still hold and enforce respect
and attention. The singular example
of playful familiarity between college
instructor and pupils, shown in Prof.
Blackie, seems the more singular for be.
ing in dignifed Scotland. The White.
hall Rev.esO says:
The relations which subsisted between
this ripe scholar and his crew Of rough
Scotch students were such as an Oxford
tutor would faint to think Of. Here is 5
sketch, not from the imagination, Of the
lecture Of session in the Greek class.
room at Edinburgh:
The Professor And now will reae
to you a song l have just written. I'm
mense applause. First, will read it il
Greek, and then. since probably none Of
you will know enough Of Greek to un
derstand it, COh! obi IL will read
in the barbarous tongue which you cat
comprehend. Laughter.
A Celt-Sing It, Blackie!
[Cheers. cat-calls, laughter, roars O.
.'Sing itr' the Professor vainly endeav
oring to get hearing. In . lul Of til.
storm he CALCULATES, You are pacl
OF 49,; the epithet is drowned. Il,
howls.] 81,
The Professor gathering up his pa
persl II won't read the song at. all.
profound silence.
The Professor smiling benignly1-
Very well, my dear fellows since syo,
RALLY scam ahlo IN hahavo vnnroolvoc
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Postal Cards,

When postal cards were first issued,
about six years ago, their novelty pro-
v0ked some fault finding, and they
were made fun of as '.stingy," s.shab-
by" unsafe etc. But they were
cheap. and the people used them and
the critics soon followed the example of
the people, now, Gas an exchange re-
marks), the postal card has only two
enemies the man who receives duns on
it, and the manufacturer of writing pa
per.
The little postal causes decrease OF
from twelve to fifteen million dollars ev-
cry year in the business Of the writing
paper trade of this country.
Postal cards are made at Holyoke and
forty men are continually employed in
their manufacture. The card board is
furnished in packages of three thousand
each, and every sheet is made into for
ty postals. Three presses are kept go
ing night and day. A machine Sits the
sheets into strips of ten cards each and
these in turn are cut into single cards,
dumped in piles Of twenty-five each,
when they are packed by girls, in paste,
board boxes, containing five hundred
cards. A government officer is con-
stantly on hand to see that no pilferine
of cards is done. The Holyoke manu-
factory turns out about one million
cards day.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Near Siehtedness.

Noe1 1SAtou4oSSs
Where acquired near sightedness ex.
lists it may have begun to make its ap.
pearance in early life, perhaps almost
as soon as the child was set at his books
Unless it appears before the age of six.
teen it is not likely to appear at all. Blu,
great many who think their eyes per-
ect-and, indeed, really have perfect
eyes in comparison with those more
grievously af11icted-are really more OF
less myopic. Not only is the vision Of a
majority of men and women defective
in one respect or another, but it has
been established beyond reasonable
doubt that in all highly civilized com.
munities myopia IS developed in a,
least sixty, and perhaps seventy, pei
cent. of the pupils who reach the hi Oh.
est grades or go through the last years
of school attendance. The disease, il
clearly appears, is progressive. The
eye gradually elongates, or is otherwise
altered in structure or form, reaching in
most instances constant point of mis-.
shapement, when the near sightedness
becomes fixed, but in some cases con.
tinuing to get out Of order through ali
the years of book-study, until the TWEEN
tieth or twenty fifth year, or even almos,
until the close of life. In most nea,
sighted persons the acuteness as well a.
the extent of vision is impaired, and il
the worst cases Of progressive short sigh,
the retina suffers serious damage, or alb.
solute blindness supervenes. Prope,
glasses may enable short sighted per.
sons to see comfortably, but they are al
ways voted by their wearers nuisance
and they do not restore diseased eye.
to health, or prevent them. under Ger
tain circumstances from becoming more
and more unsOund.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13

What Entities q Man to Be Called Oolonel7
A speaker at q recent convention, on
being addressed as Colonel y repudi.
ated the military title, declaring he was
not even o captain.
Don't you live in Missouri queri.
Cd his new acquaintance.
He owned that he did live in Mis-
souri,.
'.And in house with chimneys?''
Eyes"
Glow manye' was the next question.
Two
'Then I was right at. first,' exclaim-
ed the interlocutor. you see, lived
in Missouri and know how it is. Over
there, if a man has three chimneys on
his house, he's general; if two. he's a
colonel; if only one, he's a major; and
if he lives in q dug-out and has no
chimney, he's q captain anyhow; so I
was right after ALL Cincinnati Com.
n.ercial.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
WHOLE NUMBER 374
He Couldn't ''see the Pint

Mick Casey used to .'tend' in
'Carew's grocery in Utica Smith
went in one day after some s.fixins,"
and, among the rest, called for gallon
of molasses. There was about pint In
the measure. when Mick commenced
drawing, and after filing it he poured
into Smiths vessel until about pint
was left, as before. in the measure. and
then set it down under the cask.
''Hallo!' says Smith, '.what are you
about? Why don't you put in gallon,
as orderedp''
IA gallon is it, sur! An sure an
there's that much in the Jug" replied
Mick.
OF course Smith would never believe
this, ss there was pint left in the
measure; and he s.made no bones'' Of
accusing Mick of attempting to cheat
him.
''Sur," asked Mick, wasn't there
pint in the measure?''
"Yes.''
.Well. thin. there's the same nowr'
s'Yes.''
well, thin, shure an ye have all
that belongs to yez, for didn't draw
the measure full and put it in the jugv'
''No; there's pint left:''
''The divil, sur! an wasn't that pint
there before! Get yersen out of the
store, ye specimen of maneness. to be
chatin' lad out of pint of molassesp'
Smith left, being utterly unable to
convince Mick of the terror of his
ways. Utica Observer.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
The Wife.
From the French Of Catulle Nendes.

From the French Of Catulle NendeS.
Ahod was wealthy herlsman OF the plain,
His wife one summer day set down her pitcher
And lay and slept beneath Q tree In Bethel,
At first it seemed she woke from such dream,
And Ahod said thus: ''Wife, get thee up in
haste. & f-
Last year sold to merchants OF 6ag0r
ons snse sad sT fee6ie
Whom can / send to SagOr in my stead7
Few are the faithful ENJOYS one may trust.
Go thou and claim those thirty silver shekels5
Then spake she not Of terror, or the desert,
Or: thieves but said: "Dear Lord. am thy serv-
And when with his right hand he showed the
She wrapped her mantle round her and de-
The road was hard, and thick with pointed
stones
That cut her feet and made tears brim her eye
But. ceaeing not, sue journeyed all tho day,
Nor ceasing in the evening, journeyed still,
Taking no heed OF signl or sOund-when 10,
Suddenly, with fierce cry, one leapt upon her,
Held tight her mouth, and with the other hand
Stabbed her, leaving the dagger in her breast.
a sudden start of horror in her dream
Woke her thereat.
Her husband stood before her.
"To merchants of Sagor," said he, II sold
Last year one hundred sheep; one-third 1s ow-
The way is long; I am but feeble now,
Mhom may send to Sag0r in my stead2
Since faithful messengers are few to find,
Then the wife said: '.Thou art my lord; co.
She called her children to her, laying her hand
Upon the elders head, kissing the younger,
Then, wrapping on her mantle, she departed.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
A Pretty Bird Story From Maine. !.

A Pretty Bird Story From Maine.
A letter from Limington, Me, to the
Portland Press relates the. following on
the asserted authority of q miss E. OF
L.:' ''1n her backyard are some plum
trees, in which some bush sparrows fol
several years have built their nests and
reared their young. The lady of the
house was accustomed to put upon the
back door steps and window-sill shreds
of cotton yarn for them to build their
nests with, and pieces of cracker or SUI
gar cookies, which the birds would
come and eat and feed to their young,
and afterward coax their young down,
when they could fly, and teach them to
eat also. The lady took great pleasure
in the birds as they came from year to
year, and she could distinguish these
from others of the same species, as all
Others were shy; these were not, even
on their first return. One day after the
young had grown up the whole flock
were down.upon the doorstep feeding
upon the supplied crackers, when to
their establishment a striped squirrel
which had been sitting erect near by
apparently unnoticed, leaped among
them, and off they flew in a great
fright The same thing was repeated
several times. Finally. they flew uL
and lighted upon piece Of clothes-line,
which had been left for that purpose fol-
them, and, putting their heads together.
they chartered several minutes, then
down they flew again upon the steps by
the pieces of crackers. After q few mo.
ments in leaped the squirrel To his
surprise, however, the birds, instead OF
flying away as usual, set upon him,
picking and beating him with thei,
wings. The squirrel, unable to success.
fully resist, beat hasty retreat, and.
strange to say, never returned to an.
noy them afterward.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Potato Fibers, !.

DR.. Sturtevant made an examination
Of the depth to which the roots of the
potato run. A plant was selected which
grew on high ridge, the seed having
been planted six inches deep. A trench
was dug at the side to expose the soil,
and the roots were washed with a
stream Of water turned against it, lay
ing the fibres bare. One root was found
reaching thirty-four inches below the
top OF the ridge, or twenty-eight below
the tubers. The deeper roots appeared
most fibrous. Very few roots were
found above the tubers. The soil did
not allow the tracing of the finest
roots. This experiment seems to indi-
cate the Importance of q deep soil fol
the potato, an indication which repeat
ed experiments fully corroborate, and
in very dry seasons the crop on deeply
trenched soils has been. more than
double the product on ground plowed
at common depths, and both equally
fertile.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
sheathinp 4 Pillow.

Certain women have long clamored
for some new method of putting on q
pillow-case, but these people have eth
er lost their teeth, or the new ones they
have bought do not grasp the situation.
They have tried several new methods,
such az blowing the pillow-case up and
getting the pillow in before the wind
got out, and they have tried to get the
pillow in by rolling up the pillow-caso
until the bottom is reached, and then
placing the pillow on end and gently
unrolling the pillow-case, but all these
schemes have their drawbacks. The
old style Of chewing one end Of the pil:
low and holding it the way retriever
dog holds duck, till the pillow-case is
on, and then spanking the pillow 1
couple Of times on each side, is the best
and gives woman's jaw about the on.
" rest they get during the day. II any
invention drives this old custom away
from us, and we no more SEQ the mat
rons Of the land with their hair fun 81
feathers and their mouths full Of strip.
ed bed-ticking, we shall feel that one 81
our institutions has been rtlthlessly torn
from us, and that the fabric Of our M.
ti0nal supremacy has received 4 sad
blow, and that our liberties are IN
danger.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
A Lady Who Wanted Notices.

A Lady Who Wanted Notices.
A gentleman, whose wife had in
structed him to purchase q few nice,
appropriate notices, became inebriated,
and forgot just what was wanted Of
him. He had confused notion that
his wife's request was in some way rela-
tive to his purchase of something in the
'ay of sign cards, so he called upon a
dealer and purchased quite a variety.
I've got 'em-hic -my dear. He
ne-here's whole lot nice 'uns," he
said, as he triumphantly produced his
package.
With sigh over his maudlin condi-
ton, she opened the parcel and found
the following: ''Hands OFF," .tYour
Choice for five cents,'' ..Look Out for
the Locomotive, :" keep off the Grass.
No Dogs Admitted Ham Sand
witches, ten cents EACH" tom and
jerry" '.For Rent '.Oysters in AL
Styles
Then the lady went down town and
made her own selections, and when her
husband woke up one morning after a
spree that cost him four hundred dol
lars, placard stared him in the face
from the bedroom wall, s.Rum Did It, y
and when he turned over with groan,
he noticed the warning, ''Shun the
Bowl" Shifting uneasily to the other
side, he caught sight of death in the
Cup"
He hasn't been drunk since.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
How He Surprised Them.

It is said that at some point in every
mans life he will do something to sur
prise his friends. but a chap in Detroit,
says the Free Press, did more than that
the other day. He was comparative
stranger, who made bis Headquarters in
Michigan avenue saloon. He was old
and ragged, and it was not always that
he had 8 nickel about him. He brought
in the fuel for the stove. helped to scrub
.out, and was tolerated on account of
his good nature. Everybody played
him for half-wit, and no one dreamed
that he had it in him to create sur
prise, unless it was by refusing drink.
Two or three evenings since, a boy II
years old, ragged, barefooted, barehead-
ed, and with the stains of tears on his
cheeks entered the saloon and softly ask
ed one Of the dozen men in there for q
penny to buy bread with. Hewas rough.
~ refused, when up spoke the old tramp
and said:
Gentlemen, here is a poor orphan
boy who has asked for money to buy
bread. and been refused. l am only q
poor old man, ragged and hungry and
almost penniless, but I can't stand that.
I've got whole quarter for that poor
boyv'
That was the first surprise. For q
minute no one spoke. Then eight or ten
voices cried in chorus: $50 have IT, and
it wasn't five minutes before a purse OF
$500 was made up for the forlorn and
hungry lad. The old man rose seventy.
five per cent. in the estimation of those
who knew him. and the boy cried some
more and went out with the money
Two minutes later the old man slipped
out, and five minutes later he and the
boy divided the proceeds under the gas.
light on the corner. 1t wasn't exactly q
whack, for the old chap took 50 and left
the boy twenty cents. When it was
known in the saloon fourteen determin-
ed men rushed out and cantered up and
down, and acclaimed by the great horn
spoon, but they didn't find the big-heart.
ed old tramp whose heart had been
touched. He had gone to refresh him.
self with an oyster stew.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13

Why does the Man Smilep Because
He Went into Closet this Morning anc
Found last Years Hat, which He Pu,
on in front of a Looking-glass. He did.
MT Know himself hardly and Wondered
how He Had Been Fool enough to wea,
such q Hat. Thus you see Man is s
Fool every Year, but He does not Fine
it out until the Year after.
Union.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Meiers Manuscript,

Translated from the Omnibus: Pro-
lessor Meier, whore is your manu-
scriptp' Meier Il believe you have it
there in the hand. . Professor-..SoP
When have you Il then writtenP'' Meier
Sunday morning At the breakfast
or, rather, directly AFTER Professor
u see here but no work. Will You
yourself oonvinceP The sheet IS empty!!''
Meier Thunderweather then have /
out Of mistake instead Of in the ink.
glass in the lk-glass dippedr
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13
Provisioning a Steamship.

Three thousand five hundred pounds
If butter, 5000 hams, 1,6OO pounds bis
quits those supplied to the crew;
1000 pounds of dessert stOres'' mus
,atels, almonds, figs, ETC., exclusive of
fresh fruits, which are taken in at every
port; 1900 pounds of jams and jellies,
5000 pounds of timed meats, 1000
pounds Of dried beans, $500 pounds of
rice, 5000 pounds of onions. forty tons
If potatoes, &C, 200 pounds Of flour, and
10000 eggs. Fresh vegetables, dead
meat, and live bullocks, sheep, pigs,
geese, turkeys, guinea-birds, ducks,
fowls, fish, and casual game are gener-
ally supplied at each port Of call or re-
plenishef at the further end of the jour
ney, SO that it is difficult to obtain COM
plete estimates of them. Perhaps two
dozen bullocks and sixty sheep would
be fair average for the whole voyage,
and the rest may be inferred in proper
ton. The writer has known twenty-five
fowls sacrificed in a single day to make
chicken-broth. We therefore shan't
starve, even if we are day or two be
hind time, which is considered a great
enormity now. The mention Of chick
en-broth suggests seasickness, and sea
sickness conjures up the doctor, and
with the doctor is associated medicine.
His dispensary is as well furnished with
drugs as any chemists shop in coun-
try town. and when we observe that,
among other things, it contains twelve
ounces Of quinine, four gallons Of black
draught, twenty pounds Of Sedlitz pow
ders, gallon of castor-oil, and half q
hundred-weight of Epson salts, it is
evident that If the sick people do not get
well it is not from lack Of physic. -Four
thousand sheets, 1000 blankets, 5000
towels. 1000 pounds Of various soaps,
1900 pounds Of candles except in those
vessels which are fitted with the electric
light; 1000 knives, 1900 plates, 900
cups and saucers, 5000 glasses fancy
what a handsome income the amount
represented by annual loss from break
age would be!-8OO table-cloths, 1900
glass cloths-.all these are figures ex.
hibited in the provedoring of one ship
alone. Think what they would amount
up to when multiplied by the number
of ships in each company's fleet. and
then try to realize the fact that this de.
partment constitutes only one, and by
no means the greatest, of their incident
al expenses. Chambers Journal
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-12-13

A white man not long since sued a
black man in one of our courts, and
while the trial was before the Judge the
litigants came to an amicable settle.
ment, and so the counsel stated to the
court. "A verbal settlement will not
answer replied the Judge; sit must be
in writing.'' ..Here is the agreement in
black and white, responded the counsel
pointingto the reconciled parties; .spray
what does your Honor want more than
thispH