davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

A REMARKABLE DUN.-A business man
in New Carlisle, Ind, has issued = circular
letter to his credito IS couched in the follow
ing terms
Ny DEAR SIR-I want to ask you a plain
question in all kindness and sincerity, and
would like to have you answer il honestly
and candidly, not in two or three wears OF
months, but now, this week Surprising
you were as poor as jobs turkey and had
invested g 600 OF IS 600 in an enterprise
which YOU designed to make an exclusively
cash business suppOsing, as a matter OF ac-
cOmmOdatiOn and good nature, you had
trusted it out all over the country from Car
Isle to Jericho; suppOsing you had kept
adding to your means ana still putting it on
the books until your funds were PLAYED out /:
suppOsing yOu had claims against You In the
hands of business men who had accOmmda-
ted YOU in good faith and needed their mo-
ney supposinC you had some pride in You.
and meant TO be square-tOed and punctual,
and hated tn see the man YOU owed when
/ YOU didn't have the legal tender In YOUR
. trousers to pay his Just and lawful demands,
worse than yOu would to see an Indian, and
supposing those whom you had accommOda-
/ ted felt perfectly easy and cOnIentei, SHE'D
the track when you went TO see them, and
told the wife Of their bosom to answer mot
at home" " or came into town and left with
out even paying a part; suppOsing that
they held your money and waited patiently
for wheat to come UD TO ninety cents or one
dollar OF pork To bring i've or SIX dollars a
hundred, what would you dO2 Would Won
let your debtors 90 and smile and be a vii
lain. OF would you sue every mothers son Of
them that did not pay, if il was the last
thing you did in town.
If you were an honest man you would do
the latter and that's Just what I'll be com
PEELED to do il there is a King OF Israel 1
don't want money to look at I can earn
enough for that; don't want any to salt
down Il never could make II keep, but out
Of several thousands trusted out l humbly
want few hundreds, and I'll be hanged IL
/ won't have it OF an execution returned
nIllG bona. 1 love you myself as a mother
loves her first born, but / love to paw nv
debts better than love any man, woman OF
child on the face of God Almighty's green
earth, and By the Great Jehovah and the
Continental Congress l propose TO do it, If I
have TO make costs for every man in Olive
township or in St. Joseph's county owing
me. Now, let US have the 'spOndullx'' and
see how sweet and pretty I can smile upon
you. Yours, eOurteOusly,
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
A Hint as to How Not to Talk to Children

One day l sat in a car seat on the Saugus
Branch of the Eastern Road, behind pale,
care worn lady, who was taking a little boy
from Boston to Maiden. AS the little boy
was of a very iuquiring mind, and every
thing seemed to attract his attention, ]
could not help listening TO some of the ques-
tons
"What is that article ?' the little boy CON-
menced, pointing to stack of hay on the
marsh.
"Oh, that is hay. dear" answered the
care-wOrn lady.
"What is hay, auntie ?''
'Why, hay is hay, dear"
"But what is hay made ot?''
why. hay is made of dirt and water and
air."
"WhO makes it %
"God makes it, dear"
"Does He make it in the day time or in
the night %
'Tn both, dear"
"And Sundays ?''
eyes, all the time"
''Ain't it wicked to make hay on Sunday,
auntie?'
80, l don't know. I'd keep still, johnny !:
that's dear auntie is tired"
And after remaining quiet moment little
Johnny broke out
"Where do stars come from, auntie %
II don't know nobody knows"
did the moon lay emp
"Yes, 1 guess so, replied the wicked lady
'Can 5he moon lay eggs, too 7''
81 suppose so. Don't bother me -
A short silence, when Johnny broke out
again:
Benny says oxen is an owl, auntie is
they ?''
80, perhaps so %
''I think a whale could lay eggs-don't
you, auntie ?''
40, yes, I-guess so," said the shameless
woman.
Ibid you ever see whale on h is nest ?''
so, I guess so -
''Where ?"
81 mean no. Johnny, you must be quiet.
I'm getting crazyi"
"What makes you crazy, auntie ?''
''Oh, deari you ask so many questions"
"Did you ever see little fly eat sugar %
eyes, dear"
''Where ?''
Johnny, sit down on the seat, and be
still, or I'll shake you Now not another
word %
And the lady pointed her finger sharply to
the little boy, as if she was going to stick it
through him. II she had been wicked wo-
man she would have sworn.
There are eight million little boys like
Johnny in the United States.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

AMERICAN FABLEs.-A Lobster who had
by years of patient toll and careful economy,
accumulated a snug sum Of money, cast about
him to see how he could use 1t to deserve the
gratitude of the public. He first consulted
the Clam, and that Bivalve solemuly puck
cred his mouth and said:
"Good idea, my friend, good idea. You
can't do better than to leave your money to
found a school Of philosophy for CLANS.
Wen take it and keep your memory green
for thousand years"
The Fox was next consulted, and he slap
ped the lobster on the back and cried out:
That's the ticket, old man-leave that
cash to the Foxes What we want to make
us happy is a dictionary and an eye glass for
each Fox
The Peacock was found at home and when
the subject was brOacbed she laid her hand
on her heart and said
''Old Lob. your head Is level Leave that
money to the Peacocks and in less than a
month we will show you seven new styles OF
gracefully avoiding a spotted COW in the
highway. Give us that cash and we shall
want for nothing more"
The Goldfish was then posting up his ac-
count books, and when informed of the Lob
ster's mission he laid down his pen, and re.
piled
"You have come TO the right adviser, my
friend. 1t is needless to inform you that for
the last hundred years the Cod had 70 stay
under water most of the time on account of
having no fit clothes to appear on shore
With that money we can rig out with the best
hold our heads with the highest, and we will
be no longer quoted in the market at lower
fnure than rusty pork and stringy beef"
The Lion wanted the money given to the
feline race so that it might buy its potatoes
and cabbages in open market, instead Of
stealing them.
The Buzzard didn't want to seem avari-
ciOus at all, but he had long thought that some
would make a good hit by
leaving fund to provide Buzzards with glass
eyes and toOthache remedies
BewildeIed and discouraged by bis inter.
views, the Lobster at last appealed to the
Owl for a candid opinion.
"Well, if had pile OF money and wanted
10 do something to please the public, replied 4
the Owl, 'Pd whack up with my poor rela-
lions and pay up my outlawed debts"
MORAL:
But they never do.-Detroit Free Pres.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
TOM MARsHALL,S SHOT.
A YANKEE SAILOR HITS THE MARK AND Is
PROMOTED

John Bull certainly won the day over Un-
Gle Sam at Creedmoor recently, but many
years ago, under peculiar circumstances, an
Americana New Yorker-beat at firing at
mark an entire British feet. The affair oc-
CURED IN old Admiral Gregory's time, before
he was Admiral, aud think the incident
worth recalling.
A New Yorker called Tom Marshall, a
sailor, served in a ship under Gregory, when
Gregory was young lieutenant in the navy
in the second war with England. Three
years after the close of this war, ere the bad
blood it lad excited had quite subsided
Gregory's ship happened to be in the barbor
of Rio Janeiro, and an English frigate hap
pened to be lying il the harbor, too. The
English tars got pracJicing their guns at a
bogshead for a mark, and didn't do much
execution. The American sailors in Grego-
rvs ship wanted to take part in this practic-
ing Of firing, but, fearing some outbreak of
bad feeling the American commander gave
Gregory strict orders not to allow any of his
men TO join in the firing The Americans
looked on, grumbled and submitted-all but
Tom Marshall. he couldn't keep still. He
impIored Gregory to let him have one crack
at that hogshead. Gregory sternly re5uked
the New Yorker, and ordered him to quar-
ters.
Marshall sulleny retired swearing it was
a downright shame he could not be allowed
to test his Workmanship. Presently he left
his quarters, and going up to Gregory, asked
him what it would cost him to have one Shy
at that cask "a frst-class fogging," an
swered Gregory, angrily. "Only a fiogging?'
repeated the New Yorker cheerily ''Then
here goes - And before Gregory could pre-
vent him Tom Masrhan had fired off one of
the big guns at the hogshead and hit it, too
the first time it had been hit.
The sailors cheered Justify Gregory half
scCwleG, half smiled but the New Yorker
came up respectfully, touched his hat and
told Gregory hat he was ready for his fog
ging 81 have had the full worth of it al
ready sir" he said.
Gregory was in somewhat of a fix. He felt
really proud of MarshalPs achievement, but
then he had disobeyed orders. and had prob
ably deeply offended the Engishmen. So,
after little hard thinking, Gregory deter
mined to leave the New YOrker's punish
ment to the Engishmen themselves. So he
sent Tom Marshall on board the English fri.
gate with a note explaining the facts Of the
case, and leaving the New York marksman
in John Bulls hands.
1t turned out to be the best thing for the
New Yorker he could have done. The En-
glish tars forgot their chagrin at their own
failure in sheer admiration of the New York
er's skill. Instead of Furnishing Tom MAJ
shall they rewarded him, and sent him back
to bis ship as happy as a lord while Gregory
took great fancy to Tom Marshall and had
him promoted.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS.
scNE ERRORS CORRECTED.

DO not often write for the press. but
when duty calls I must take up my pen and
to business.
In a late Issue Of a popular paper 1 find
an article that Is calculated TO mislead the
youth OF the country, and hasten 10 correct
the said article. have reference 10 the his
tory OF Columbus. In the first place, il has
been determined that Columbus was born in
Genoa some time after his father, and that
he Immediately took to the water-to use his
own words, he was bound to swim or die.
One day, IS he was swimming as usual
Napoleon Bonaparte came along and asked
Clum,' as he was called, what he was do
ing. "Why, 'Sappy.' I am learning to
swim.
Struck with The originality Of the answer,
Napo'rnu took " Clum hnme with him and
had h5a- educated at the expeuseof the coun-
try. At ti.r AGE of 70. Columbus IAN away
from -eHnuI, snd was Immediately captured
by press gang and hHrrieI cn brard a YES
sci that VAS just ON the point of sailing. He
wn> put before the mast. but made so many
objections that he had 10 be tied to his post
After sailing three weeks, Columbus was
promoted to deck-washer, and from that DO
notable event Of his life was rescuiug the
Queen Of SPANS shoe from a watery grave
The Queen was one day washing her feet
when ''Clum's " ship sailed by, and the wa
ter washed the Queen shoe into deep water
"Clum," without a moments thought jump
ed overheard, where the water was four OF
five feet deep, and c!utched the shoe and.
by the aid Of a ben-coop which was floating
by, succeeded In reaching the shore In a
stTanglinP condition. This so pleased the
Queen that she bOugh: him a lugger and sent
him fishing for oysters. One day he caught
an-unusually large one, and, on examining
it. an. inscription was found on the shell as
follows George Washington, United States
Of America" Then followed a description
Of the country and the latitude and iongi-
tude and so forth.
Columbus went directly to the market with
load of oysters, got his pay, then fitted his
ship for a cruise Of sixteen years. Columbus
was all grit. He had not sailed more than
two or three DAYS when the Queen hollered
to him and told him not to venture so far
from land, but "Clum Z" would not listen
Columbus was all grit. Columbus kept o n
till his provisions were about gone, when, in
'He u6ac VI hisut AeFeIS uau was asleep db
his post), " Clum saw a light far ahead,
Without saying a word, he called the cabin
boy and pointed to the light. The boy was
so elated that he undertook to dance n Jig,
but he was so weak that he tumbled over
board The next day land was discover
ed. and Columbus had the pleasure, as he
afterward stated OF shaking hands with
Andrew jackson, who was he first to wei
come him to the new world II Is an explO-
ded idea that he took possession Of the soun-
try in the name Of the Queen OF Spain. He
tried it, to be sure but Washington would
not allow it, He sent Columbus back with
an invitation to the Queen to visit US at leis-
ure, which she intends to do.
Columbus lived to a good old age, and died
before the Rebellion.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

IMPLEMENT EsTABLIsHAIESrs.-Th cen
sus reports show that there are in the United
States l. ,942 establishments for the production
of agricultural implements. Ofthese 221 are
in Illinois, 595 in New York, 22O ia Pennsyl-
vania 155 i'm Ohio and 143 in Michigan. The
total capital employed is $50, 315, ,96s; amount
paid in wages, $15, 499, ia; value OF timber
used, 9, 791, ,916 value Of iron and steel SIS
452,O52i value OF other materials, g. SIS, ,202-
total, So, oOi, lO7. The largest number Of
persons employed during the year was 49. $50,
The total value OF all products was SIS, 37s,-
0S6, In 1850 the total product was s6, S42, GIL.
In 1860 it was S17, 4s7, ESQ. In 1870 So, O66.
S15. During the census year there were
made 335, O57 cultiyatOrs, 131, OO5 harrows,
2s0, ,654 dozen hoes, 212, 147 dozen shovels,
S0s, 732 dozen hand rakes. ], ,361, AS plows,
al, 73s dozen hay forks, ], pa, 264 scythes,
~, III scythe snaths; mowers, 72,OOO; seed
sewers, 20, ,2s6. In 1880, .22O persons were
employed; in 1850, I5, s14 In 1870, %, 40; IN
1890 40 100
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
A Song OF AUTUMN.

Hail to thee, Autumn Gracious Of presence
Weary are we OF bardS that sing
Of the May-tide joys OF field and pleasuance,
OF the old, false hymns OF the faithless
Spring.
A fickie maiden, none might trust her,
Was 'hoyden Spring, with her changeful
mein,
In ripened womanhood's richest lustre
Calmly thou comest, Lady and Queen
Many to her are the ditties laden.
With honey'd breathing of f1atterinR praise,
Sated and vain with applause, proud maiden,
She 1outs her lovers, and scorns their lays.
Thou with her 'twere shame to compare
thee;
Worthier thou tn be sung and wooed
Thou like high born dame dOst' bear thee.
Gracious Of presence and bounteous OF
mood.
Hail to thee, Autumnl Thee we honor,
Queen OF the Seasons without peer
SPRING She had promise Of 5eauty on her,
But thine are the glory and crown OF the
year.
First in worship why did we set her,I
Spring-tEe wayward, the cold, the coyP
Ave in our hearts, we have loved thee better.
Autumn, the gracious, the bringer of Joy!
Bountiful Autumn! thou that brin0est
The sweet, calm days OF the cloudless light.
BOuntiful Autumn thou that fingest
A mellOwer lustre DER field and height.
Thine is the flush Of the purple heather,
Thine is the CLEAN or the harvest sheaVes,
Thine is the glow where ripening together
The apples brighten through dusk green
leaves.
Thine Is the glory on crags and moorlands,
Thine Is the haze upon dreamy seas,
Thine is the plashing round dusky fOreiands
OflulIing waters thy gifts are these
With sport for the ranger of fed and wild
wood.
Wealth Of the corn-lsud for toiling men,
And nut and berry for happy childhood
In wonderful wanderings by wood and
glen.
Bountiful Autumn Bringer OF pleasure,
Bringer of beauty. bringer Of gain,
More In thy bounty. bringer Of leisure
To those aweary In heart and brain:
Thou dost bring US OF thee the bliss is;
Where nature, All mother, lulls US to
sleep,
And cOols our brows with her healing kisses,
Breeze Of the mountain and breeze Of the
deep.
BountifuI Autumn Well may we greet thee
Chief of the seasons Queen of the year
Well NAV our hearts 90 forth to meet thee,
And bring thee in triumph, with shout and
with cheer
HYMNS TO thy praise will we not be sparing
Singing thee, Lady, gracious OF mien,
Bounteous OF spirit and stately Of bearing,
Autumn, the crowned one. our Queen, our
Queen
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
A. FRIDAY. NOVEMBER 3

but were met by Mr.. Adams and crowd Of
neighbors, who half-dressed; had rushed out
to discover the cause of the commotion.
"Well, kitty" and jess - were saved
the men were sent to prison, and to-day Har-
vey writes his name, Harvey Adams with
flourish, and calls the farmer and his wife
father and mother. BE goes to school. and
the teacher assures his proud parents that he
is fine scholar and will be sure to make his
mark one of these days.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
A FORTUNE

may be made by hard work, but can neither
be made nor enjoyed without health. To
those leading sedentary lives DR.. R. v
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery" is a
real friend. Tt stimulates the liver, purif1es
the blood, and is the best remedy for con-
sumption, which is scrofulous disease of the
lungs. BY all druggists
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

LATE in life George Washington rode in
his own carriage, but earlier in life he took
hack at the cherry tree. worcester 0dzetse
The man who had the temerity to spring
this relic of antiquity upon the public forgot
to mention how Georges father took chase
after the young man and was about ready TO
sleigh him, when George attempted 20 sad
die the blame on somebody else as the cutter.
- laurence american.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
FailinSg!

That is what a great
many people are doing.
They don't know just what
is the matter, but they have
a combination of pains and
aches, and each month they
grow worse.
The only sure remedy
yet found IS Browns IRON
BITTERs, and this by rapid
and thorough assimilation
with the blood purifies and
enriches it, and rich, strong
blood flowing to every part
of the system repairs the
wasted tissues, drives out
disease and gives health and
strength.
This is why BRowN's
IRON BIrTERs will cure
kidney and liver diseases,
consumption, rheumatism,
neuralgia, dyspepsia, mala-
ria, intermittent fevers, &c.
so3 s. Pzca St, Baltimore
Nov. 20, 1881.
was great sufferer from
Dyspepsia, and for several
weeks could eat nothing and
was growing weaker every
day. 1 tried Browns Iron
Bitters, and am happy to say
now have a good appetite,
and am getting stronger.
Jos. MCCAwLEY.
Browns IRON BITTKRs
is not a drink and does not
contain whiskey. 1t is the
only preparation Of Iron
that causes no injurious ef-
fects. Get the genuine.
Don't be imposed on with
limitations.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

The BEsT SALvE in the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Burns, Sores, Ulcers, salt Rheum,
Fever Sores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chill
biains COrns, and all skin EruDtiOns, and
positively cures Piles. 1t is guaranteed 20
give perfect satisfaction OF money refunded.
Price % CTS. per box. For sale by ?. James
sole agent, EbSDsbuFg, Pa. IS-s.-iy.1
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

NOT To BB DTsCoURAGED.-At Dalton,
Ca, they pointed out an old darkey who
was to be married that evening, and took a
seat beside him on the depot platform and
said
Uncle Reuben, is it true that you are to
be married tonight? ?''
"Yes, .sah--yes, sab. you'z hit it 'zactly
right, sab" i"
"Were YOU ever married before ?"
"Why, bress your soul, boy, dis will be my
fo'th wife :"
GLOW long since your last one died?"
''Jest free weeks mex week Saturday"
"Isn't it pretty sudden, when you have
been a widower but two weeks"
'T reckon not, sab. doa'n see how j kin
help de ole woman by traoblin' aroun'
alone"
'And they tell me you are over 20 years
old ?"
eyes, sah-I'ze risin' Of 73. "
"And YOU don't even own chicken ?"
mo, sab"
"Don't the future look a little dark to
you?''
see heah, white man." replied the old
chap, as he slid to the ground and brushed
off his coat-tails, 81 doan like dat sort O. ar
gyment IZe ole an poo an doan know
much, but haint the sort of a mule to take
fo'th wife widOut maxim 'rangments to
board wild her fader an gin him my note
wheneber anything am due 'Spose Ize
gwine to be sleepin' in fence-cO'ners an lib
in on green apples jis' kase my las ole wo-
man TUX noshun t. die7 No, sab isn't
dat sort o. a mournerl Ize got to dat aige
whar I'ze got to be tooken keer oV if has to
mary three wives to do it.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

A FALSE FRIESD is like the shadow on the
sun-dial, appearing in sunshine and vanish
ing in shade.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03

Adrnlnlstrator s hnu EIecAlor q NoftceE = -
Auditors Notices 400
Stray and similar Notices 50
Business items first insertion loc. Per line each
subsequent insertion Sc. per line.
EE- Resolutions proceeding Of GnY corB0T0ftoS
soccfp Gud communications deFignsd 20 cell affsn
fton 20 sBy matter Of itted fndfrital fHfsTcsf
r1ilii bs paid fOr ddUerfiSsusrfs
JoB PRISTISe OF all kind neatly and e1pediti-
ously executed At lowest prices Don't you forget
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-11-03
Advertising Rates

The large and reliable circulstion o. the UAn
BEIA FREEN AZ eommeuds % 20 the favorable con
sideration OF advertisers. whose fsFors VIII be In
serted az The following low rates
Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1882-01-28

The Mormon saints who are at WASH
ington defending and protecting their
iniquity are said to be engaged, with the
aid of competent detectives, in acquir-
ing evidence concerning the private
morals of the Congressman who have
been dsnOuncing polygamy, and threat
en- to make exposures which they say
will make them forever disgraced and
wretched. Perhaps a little ventilation
in this respect might have tendency to
improve the moral atmosphere at Wash
ingtOn by showing their constituents
the character of their representatives,
SO that in the future they could be left
out in the cold. We believe the mass Of
the people are decidedly in favor of hav-
ing Just and pure men do their law
making.
Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1882-01-28
CONSUMPTION Cured.

BALTIMORE Md, February 18th. 1881.
Upon the recommendation of friend,
/ tried Browns Iron Bitters as tonic
and restorative for my daughter, whom
lost three daughters by the terrible dis
ease, under the care of eminent ply
sicians, was 10th to believe that any
thing could arrest the progress of the
disease; but to my surprise, before my
daughter had taken one bottle of Browns
Iron Bitters, she began to mend, and is
now quite restored to her former health.
A fifth daughter began to show signs of
consumption, and when the physicians
was consulted, he quickly said "TOnics
were required" And when informed
that the elder sister was taking Browns
Iron Bitters, responded, THAT is good
tonic, take it,"
ADORM PHELPS, OF AsKEY & PHELPS,
Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1882-01-28
A Business Mans Experience.

He could not tell what allied him. He
knew his digestion was poor and his
heart palpitated. He felt his nervous
system was shattered. Ae knew his urine
was milky and rOpy, but he had suf-
cred from these disorders for years.
Only of late had he began to feel himself
completely exhausted and his nervous
system shattered, and his constitution
broken down. A friend recommended
Browns Iron Bitters. 1t suited his case
precisely, and now he is as healthy, ro-
bust, and strong as his heart could de-
sire. Go thou and do likewise, then
you may live long and be happy Com
mercial.