Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1882-02-15
Who Am 1 I?

possess more influence and power than
any European Sovereign. htve ex-
isted from generation 70 generation,
but am assuming mere sway over the
civilized world every year. extend
my authority into nearly every city and
village in tie British Isles. Tne Em-
peror of II ades is my strongest ally. and
my subjects very often emigrate to his
Kingdom. Strange as this may appear,
vet it Is the fact that high dignilalies in
Christian churches solicit my company,
and at times receive from my treasury
handsome gifts to enlarIe and beau!iiy
their temples Of worsn:p, while many
of the clergy enjoy my association.
The British Government finds me
warm supporter Of their revenue, and
employ mr agents to collect it; they
uphold my authority, and leglslate for
nv large and flourishing business,
irrespective of the spiritual Influence l
exert on the population. They place
at nv disposal an immense number OF
officials. whose vocation will be men,
toned further on while they encourage
me 20 extend nv commercial relations
to the colonies of India and Australia.
I am at peace with all the crowned
heads Of Europe, but the President OF
the United States has refused me per-
mission into the " hlte House.
I have been given the active services
OF tile 'Bobbins' aud the Royal Irish
in the management OF my trade. MaSls-
lrates paid and unpaid, sit on ghe bench
at my bidding, and bow to NY authority
many of them are IN ray employ on
hiob salaries. LAWYERS derive much oil
their professional business from the
ouarrelsome nature of my nearest
friends. Barristers spend much time
pleading tor and against ne. Judges
on circuit acknowledge that l keep them
employed, and that 1 succeed In demor-
alizing more people than any other
agency known. Business men | COM
pell to leave their offices aud sit on the
hungry jury box at my leisure.
The medical profession are becoming
disloyll to me, but l have still large
proportion under my grasp, aud they
constantly introduce me to new pa
tients. where I make many friends,
many of them never leave my side, and
die IN my parlour; l show them due
respect, and attend then funeral feasts.
Papas and mammas teach their
children to look for me at dinuer time,
and allow them to join my Sunday
school.
The fair sex are getting very fond o.
me many of them give me morning
call, and get so enchanted with my So
ciety, they visit me again and again IL
the afternoon many call three times
day; the last visit is always the mos
enjoyable.
I The governments are really mos
liberal in aiding me in the various &c
partments OF my business-they ap
, noint men of undoubted character t(
! see that no ROBBERY goes on when
q leave my still chamber, and that no COLI
, water falls on my head. Being partner
, IN the concern, they hold the enllr'
e guaranteed preference stock, and give
n me in retnrn about three-fourth OF tn
o moor low hotel accommodation. a larg
/. proportion OF he wards in the lunatl
asylums and hospitals free of charge
q while the Bridewells and Goals ar
8 open 10 my numerous customers.
}. Its all nonsense 10 say that education
Il is an enemy to my advancement; del
d III have numerous schools OF my OWL
J in every city and town.
d While other people rest on Sunday,
1t have the privilege of keeping over 5O
h 900 people at work, as have no res
Of meet whatever for the Sabbath. Th
ID pawn broker materially assists me /
ready cash. The undertaken puts m
"a victims out of the way at earliest cor
" venience, aud as for the publican,
ID supply him with all his comforts-he
10 the main.spring in establishment In
re coroner gets nearly all his fees throus
le my influence. -, =.
,e Though millions of protesting Chrl'
i tians give me their hospitality, ney'
r. leave until am turned out doors AN
a though they loye me despise the re
< spects bility of their characters. and d.
ID light in leading them into my long dal
chambers, which end in ruin and dea''
n. The cry OF the heart-broken vile new
of troubles me. The wall of the starvln
IN children meyer enters my ear. nav
at neither mercy, pity, nor compassion Il
4. those who get ruined by partakIng &c
.. freely of my cordiality. | bring dow
E. the rich from luxury TO want, anu u
~ working man aud his family from plel
Cd ty to pauperism and rags IT'S nothln
a. to me. Thousands OF orphants al
- produced by my trade, but leave the
no to the public charities.
" travel free on all the railroads. nr
ID class, second class and third class al
10 sail in all the ocean and chanael, stea
n ers. / never get sea sick. son
hi. time, so caplivale tie officers on boa
he with my conversation that they 10
IN their reckoning and steer for the rock
N They forfeit their lives but l am al~a
ID. sayed.
vs. As to my popularity, | ain equal
far welcome at the banquets OF The ri
tl.o naoauut | am