South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-08-18

W 1onf5 uuiy-
'wha. wolil you do if you were
AID | were your icnderly inquired n
young swell of his lady friend az he es-
coited her home from church. Nell
said she, If | we're you l would throw
away III q; vile cigarette, cut UP my cane
for iire-wood. wear my watch-chain uI-
dcrncath my coat, and stay at home
nights and pray for brains.'
Satisfactory either way: While the
convention was in session two ardent
Roberts men met on the streets Of Aus
tin. One of them, who is noted for
his convivial teaiency. said to the 9TH
or: Suppose we get up grand com
plimentary banquet to celebrate Roberts
nomination Yes, but suppose bo slips
up on the nomination Then let the
complimentary banquet be in honor or
his defeat. = 7eras Sifiinys.
A school-teacher asked: What bird
Is large enough to carry Off n man?' No.
body knew /: but one little girl suggest
cd, lark And then size exclaimed !:
Mamma said papa wouldn't be home
until Monday, because he'd gone off on
lark
III Jones undertakes TO pull my e,rs.'
said a loud spoken young man, he'll
A.;
him looked at his ears an smiled.
Persons with boys in the family should
know that the boys have q platform,
ind that they always stand on il. 1t
reads: Scoldine doesn't hurt, whipping
doesn't last long. kill they dar'nst'
A. The scashore, as usual, ore wave
from woman's handk erchier will con-
tinue to attract more attention than
hundreds Of waves from the ocean.
A young man named Onion has late
ly been ordained as minister. When
'cvcr he unrolds himself before his au-
'ditors lie will doubtless move them TO
tears.
A young man seated beside an elder
Dy passenger on the Cincinnati, Hamil.
ton &c Dayton train recently, made con-
siderable sport in quiet way of la
dy's bat who sat near them. AT last
the elderly gentleman replied: That
Indy is my wife. sir; and told her that
every focl who saw that hat would
make sport; but she wouldn't believe
me, and insisted on wearing it, The
young man made an apology and re.
treated to the smoking car.
Mistress (horrified) - Good gracious,
Bridget, have you been using one Of my
stockings'to strain the coffee through p
Bridget apologeticalIy) -'Yis, mum; out
shure I didn't take clane one!
My nephaw ia not content with
gig says Mrs Rambotham, Int he gets
two horses, puts one before the other,
and drives about the country in tan
frum.'
passer-by gives two cents to n
beggar. THANK you for your good in
tcntion,' said the beggar, but 20 lon
ger accept cents. They did very we'll
when l began to beg, but now
Self.made: You've made fool of
me- said an irritated man 10 his wife.
My dear she sweetly responded, you
do yourself injustice remember that in
al respects you are a self made man..
JUST COMMON LIAR.-'Old B. says
that some years ago in Carolina town
II crazy man was brought before an ex-
aiming board to settle the question as
TO whether or not he shoLld be sent to
the asy lum in Columbia. After the
doctor got through with his examination
one OF the committee, an old farmer,
said:
MY friend, did you ever borrow any
bags or jugs p
Yes, lots of them
Did you ever borrow your neghbor's
newspaper 2
Yes, many q time
We'll, now, what become of the jugs,
bags and newspapers :?
Why, ] carried them all back
The old farmer gave blow almost
as loud IS Nancy Harris whistle, and
said:
Gentlemen, hos no lunatic Just
simply common liar, and all the asy.