Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1882-08-03
'sThe Friends OF the Remains"

eff you've got time I'd like to have you
write a little something about the de-
ceased" said the little man, quietly,
something pretty mournful, IL you
please"
who is deadQ' inquired the managing
editor, dipping his pen in the ink pot.
'Friend of yours?"
"Well, yes" replied the little man,
leaning over the table. t'She was my
wife. Her wings sprouted yesterday, and
we turfed her over this p. NJ. She was a
very superior article of remains, and l
thought I'd have you speak good word
for her to the public, with something about
other papers copying it at the bottom"
''Where was the plantl" asked the edi-
tor, scratching his head for appropriately
melancholy ideas.
''We set her out up in Cypress Hills" !"
replied the mourner, wiping his eyes.
''We had ten dollar discourse and o
forty dollar funeral. You might speak of
the casket. That cost fifteen dollars alone,
and there must have been eight or nine
dollars worth of flowers and shrubs and
one thing or another"
hA&A6 soy cAC Wd5 pOpuAaA 0ha ASh
orally beloved by all who knew her In
life, ehG" suggested the editor.
''You betl And that'll make her sister
mad You might say she was the hand
soonest woman in her precinct, and that
there were four carriages choke full. If
you want nice piece of descriptive, you
might add that rode on the hearse with
the driver.
''An affeehonate wife and loving
mother2" hunted the editor.
''Well," coughed the little man, 'It
you've got plenty of time and room. Per.
haps you'd better pay more attention to
the handles on the casket. III shcw 'em
to you. Genuine platel' and he drew
them from his pocket. 'The screws
were all silver headed, but they thought
I'd better leave them"
''Was she prominent in any of the char.
liable rackeis? Much in the Sunday
School businessl" asked the editor.
''Yes, some. She belonged to gross
or two of old women's homes and couple
O. dozen OF chlldren's temperance socle-
ties, but that didn't cut much figure at the
funeral. You might speak of the number
present and ssy that several friends of the
remains were jammed about a good dea
trying to get q sight at her. We showed
her at the house and at the grave, anC
though say it myself, l think the coffir
plate was generally admired.
"Then she was a worthy, Christian
woman, charitable and kindly disposed,
and departed sincerely mourned by large
circle of friends"
''Oh, yes!" sighed the bereaved, 81
don't see any objection TO that. You
might follow it up by remarking that hel
prostrated husband gave her On good Q
send-off as any woman in that ward evel
had. The headstone comes to fifteen dol
lars, and | lost ten 10 my. bIother-in-lav
betting that the hearse could beat tie
mourners carriage to the first toll gate or
the old road coming home. I'D like tc
have 1t known that did the fair thing
though l don't care to look Ike l wal
blowing about the EXPENSE"
'Did she leave any children3"
Eyes, oh, yesl she left 'em. They~eGi
with her as far as the grave. 1t stood me
IN twenty dollars to ft them oui
with grief for the occasion. But dom
begrudge 1t. When / spend money ] cal
calate to get the worth of it, and nobody
ever hears me complain. l paid elghteei
dollars for the clothes she was Shoveled
under in.c
DID she leave any propertyi"
"a couple Of houses and lots, but you
needn't mention them. Just speak of il
as the social event of the season in funeral
circles, in which no expense was spared to
make it gratifying success, and you'll
nat 1t about even. The neighbors are al
watching for the paper and you'll make g
little something out of the sales if you dc
the night thing" And the prostrated
husband put on his hat and buttoned up
his coat.
And the managing editor wrote simple,
touching little tribute to the memory OF
TIE woman whose qualities were buried
under her funeral bills, and the prostrate {
husband showed it around, explaining
that he couldn't imagine how the paper
got hold of the facts unless it was that &
rp'hter was present disguised as one o.
,, the riends of The remains"