The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1882-02-08
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

"ApuSDANcE, like want, ruins many"
however, let us risk it on the abundance.
"DoNT give me weigh" pleaded
the fat girl when invited to step on the
scales.
WHEN a girl rejects an offer OF mar.
riage she goes through a sleight OF hand
performance.
The end TO be attained in the invest
ment of money is the divid end.-,Steu-
benvile Herald.
Ir GEORGE WASHINGTON cannot have
monument he has had pie named Tor
him, and that is better.
An OLD negro says: "Sass is power
full good in everything but children.
Dey need some other kind OF dressing.
The editor who called Chicagoa Chris
tian country ought to be better posted
in religious geography.-Boston Times.
"PRIDR goes before fall. True
enough, but pint OF corn whisky can
give pride hundred and beat it every
time.
Az EDITOR wrote a personal about a
young man going to spark his girl.
| When it WAS printed he was Mortified to
see the letter "n" substituted for tho
"r" in the word spark. Whitehdu
Times.
"HAvE a place for everything ana
everything in its place, Somehow or
other this won't work. we have big
place for o,u' wealth, but we'll be hanged
ii we can put it there; We haven't 1t !
EranSciUe Aryus.
"DoRs our talk disturb you?" said
one of Il company Of talkative ladies to
An old gentleman sitting in railroad
station the other afternoon. "No,
ms'am," was the naive reply, "Tve been
married night on to forty years. "--Hdrt'
fOrd Times.
"WHEy | die let me be buried in the
stove, so that my ashes may minge with
the crate" says tho paragrapher OF the
Boston Star. In the stove the gentle
mans ashes will scarcely mingle with
the crate the chances are he will gently
simmer as base burner.
A MILLER in Peru, Ind, fell asleep III
his mill and bent forward till his hair
got caught in some machinery and was
yanked out and, of course, it awakened
him, and his first bewildering exclama-
ton was: "Durn it, wife, what's tho
matter now p Boston Post.
A VERY gushing young lady turned to
MIR. Snap and asked him in passionate
tones: "Oh-ah-Mr. Snap, tell me
What-what-is your idea Of real happi-
ness?" Mr.. Snap-"Never reached the
tull meaning of the word, yet, but
guess pork and beans would cover the
| ground"
"YoU are on the wrong tack, said the
pilots wife, when the hardy son OF the
> loud-sounding sea sat down on 1t nnd
: arose with the usual ordinations
+ "No," he replied, after critical exami
: nation, "l'm on the right tack, but shoe
5 me dead if / amt on the wrong end o
burlington Hapkeye.
"HAvR some more OF the pie, urge
Mrs. Slobson to her boarders, who oh
stinately refused Again she rget
them, adding IF you don't eat it III
have to throw it away. 1t won't keel
70 much longer" Strange to say, thei
Of appetites departed. This is one OF tn
it amenities of boarding-house life.
is WHEN you are coming up the celia
el stairs with bucket of coal in one hanC
is two pies and plate of butter in tn
le other, and loaf of bread under eac
|: arm, it is exceedingly trying to you
Christian fortitude to have woman yeI
down and caution you not to forget tn
All preserves on the swinging shelf in til
l corner of the cellar, next to the currer
se ielly. Been there, haven't your WI
" Transport Breakfast Table.