davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
General Harney In a Hurry.

The following comical story is told of General Harney, when he was in com mand of Camp Verde, Texas. He was an intensely dignifed officer, and if there was one thing he detested more than another it WAS undignified haste. One evening, just as he was about to hold dress parade, he perceived that he had forgotten his handkerchief, as the weather was very hot, he said to his or derly: "Go to my quarters, quick, and bring my handkerchief. The orderly touched his cap and started off for the quarters, several hundred yards distant, After he proceeded short distance, re- membering that there was no time to lose, he broke into trot.
 "See that internal scoundrel running as if the Indians were after him. If there is anything I hate it is to see a soldier running instead of marching properly. Here, my man," continued Harney to another soldier, "go after that man and tell him say to walk, confound him."
 The second soldier started after the first, but as the first one kept on run ming, the second one saw his only chance to deliver the message was to hurry up, so he, too, broke into run. To say that Harney scolded is to use but mild expression.
 "Here, Sergeant, go after that man and tell him if he don't stop running I'll hang him up by the thumbs"
 The Sergeant started out at brisk walk, but as his predecessor had good start, he, too, began to run as hard as he could.
 eff all three of the scoundrels ain't running like jack rabbits " ejaculated Harney. "I'll show lem, and tucking his sword under his arm, he started in pursuit as fast as he could run, but sud denly remembering his dignity, he came to 8 halt, and walked stiffly and slowly back to the place the dress parade was to come off.-Ieras SSftings.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
A Little Mixed.

Arithmetic is terribly puzzling some times, and when ones interest is in volved in the matter it is almost impos sible to add up column of figures cor rectly. A gentleman who lives by his wits, and it must be confessed gets a very fair living. when in the country last summer wanted to borrow some money of plain, good-natured farmer "l want to borrow $6," he said. The farmer only had $3, and so the man of wit said, ''Well, wish you would owe me the other S3 and we'll settle up in a few days" When the day of settlement came the farmer was befogged, bepuz- zled and somewhat disgruntled by this conversation. The farmer said, ''You owe me 8, don't you ?" Certainly I do," was the reply. "Well, will you pay me ?" "Well, my dear fellow, I think our account is about square. wanted to borrow $6, you remember. You let me have $3 and said you'd owe me the other 8. Now, then, you haven't paid that $3 and consequently still owe tito me. I owe you $3, and if you will give me the $3 you owe me l will instantl y pay you the $3 I owe you, Nothing could be fairer than that, I think"
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
A Corner In Pants.

There are corners in oil, in teas, in beans, in mining stocks and railway stocks, in wheat, in cortland why not corners in trousers That was the i'm portant question asked himself recently by a great financial nobleman of Berlin while at his tailor's. The cloth was of an extraordinary pattern. Probably it would create a sensation on the Bourse.
 1T would like to monopolize that pat tern," he said to the tailor; ''just see how many pairs of trousers it will make. " The tailor calculated and said that eighty-three pairs of trousers could be made from the bundle of cloth. "I will take them all-it would be very dis agreeable if one of my colleagues were to appear in a similar pair. His orders were obeyed and now he glories in hav- ing more pairs of trousers of areeplend- ent pattern than any other man in Berlin.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
A BlOOd.curdling Romance.
"Ooal costs money

Ooal costs money.
 A bitter, moeking smile-the smile of 8 demon that has been bafaed in his un- holy efforts to lure soul to the utter most depths of the 1nferno-played around the Grecian lips of Girofe Ma haffy as these cruel words fell with cruel inoisiveness from her lips. Over the backyard fence came the silvery gleams of the inconstant moon as she moved through the heavens in brilliant splen- dor, and touched with gentle hand the moss covered wood-shed and caused the dog, whose blood-curdling bay had fallen in such fearful cadences upon Rupert Hertherington's large, West side ears, to stand out, perfect in every outline, against the pure mezotints of the re- gently painted door-steps.
 "1ou are testing, sweetheart" mur- mured Rupert, pulling up his pants so they would not wrinkle at the knees, and seating himself beside the glrl.
 "Am I 2 was the reply in cold Crys- tai Lake accents, that seemed to Rupert to pierce his very vest. elf you really think so look out of the window"
 Rupert obeyed. The moonlight streamed into the room as he pushed aside the heavy pomegranate curtains, falling in mellow splendor on the vase of malachite and alabaster, on statue and bronze. Tazzas of jasper and lapis lazui stood in recess crowded with flowers curious trifes in gold and sil- yer carving, in amber and mosaic, stood on table and etagere. A curiously- wrought sideboard that was new in the days of the Crusaders stood at his left, The fire glowed ruddily in the grate, the pure white flames leaping up the chimney as if in very glee. Amber tinted sour mash, as Rupert we'll knew, lay concealed within the recesses of the sideboard. Outside the keen wind of December whistled shrilly through the dead branches of the sturdy oaks, tell ing of the cold and suffering that was to come ere the soft breath of spring kissed the earth into life again. The bleak moorland stretched away to the east ward, and across its sullen face the rab. bits were running. Rupert saw all this at 8 glance. While engaged with the sombre thoughts which the scene in- duced, hand fell lightly upon his shoulder. He turned and faced Girofe.
 "And do you really mean what you say, sweetheart?" he asked.
 "Yes," replied the girl. "There must be some kind of an understand ing. I cannot bluff away all the days of my youth.'
 Enough, said Rupert. "I will marry you"
 "But when ?' asked the girl.
 Leaning over the beautiful girl, he hissed in her ear the Hateful words: "When the White Stockings win a game. Chicago Tribune.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
Sugar in BeetS.

The most vital point of the beet-root grower is the quality of the seed he uses. When beets were first grown for sugar 5 per cent. of sugar was the amount obtained, now 15 per cent. is ob- tainable in favorable instances. This has been attained entirely by the i'm provement of the pedigree principle of the seed. The quality of richness in the roctgwas attained by Vilmorin in the following manner: Each root is a perfect plant, and, therefore, in the ex- animation of each root for the produc- tion of seed the quality of it had to be ascertained. For this purpose Vilmorin had set of most delicate instruments made for the determination of specific gravity, and he found that the specific gravity was indicative of the sugar con- tained. The cups he used were no larger than 8 lady's thimble, and the saccharometer or measure of specific gravity equally small. The roots were first selected accord ding to the best ordi- nary rules, then small portion of each root was punched out of it in such a part as to injure as little as possible its future growth the pieces were reduced to pulp, and the juice was extracted. All the roots which did not yield juice up to a certain standard were rejected while those which reached the standard were planted for seed the roots pro duced from this seed were found to be constantly increasing ill richness, and { few years of the process produced the great percentage of sugar which IS now attained Gurd,eer's Chronicle anc l Agricultural Gazette.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
$42,OOO on a Pair of Deuces.

Since the famous poker game st New burg, when victim lost $15O,00O on one hand, all the papers are telling gambling stories. Here is one from Cincinnati paper:
 It was 8 pleasant fall night in Savan- nah, Ga., when party of five gentle men met by arrangement in one of the private parlors of the Screven House to have little "draw," which, by the aforesaid agreement, was to be no ohild's play, but game for all that was in it. Three of the gentlemen were large cot ton merchants one was an extensive manufacturer of fertilizers, and the third was genial hotel proprietor, who was blessed with superabundance of wealth. The whole five were "solid men," whose bank checks were good for any amount, and often during the game these same cheeks were piled up when all ready money and the ivor,s,s I,,s were staked on hand.
 ono oA '-s players, generally & hard n n--.A Go beat on account of his perfect Goodness snd nnbounded pluck, seemed to be unusually unlucy on this occasion, and before the game had become fairly "hot" he was loser something over $10,00O. Biding his time, the Major l waited until several stiff s'antes" had ! been made, and when it came his turn to put up he laughingly remarked, "Gen- tlemen, this game is going little slow. I'll make it $1,OOO to play" Three of the others saw it, and when his turn came the Major raised the blind s1,000. This was also "seen' by the others, and on the draw for cards, he drew one card for flush and made a pair o1 deuces the second man drew three cards; the third one card, and the fourth, two cards. Each of the others bet "chip," and the Major bet $5, ,OO0 The second and third men dropped, but the fourth, remarking, Major, yor cant bluff me-" raised him $5,O00
 Without moving 8 muscle of his face the Major drew out his book, and writ ing check for $25, 900, threw it on th' pile, saying, elf you thlnk I'm bluf1pe come and see that" This was to- much for the fertilizer gentleman, ant
 he laid down three kings, while thu
 Major scooped in the $42, ,000.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
THE AMERICAN BOY.

MT. Edward Atkinson, of Boston, addressed the members of the Golden Branch Society, of Philips Exeter Acad- emy, upon "What Advantage Does an American Boy Possess?" MT. Atkin- son urged that the young men who are soon to become the workers and con- troIlers in the business of life should be careful not to become one-sided and not to lose the "gumption" which every Yankee boy ought to possess, and which does not form part of tho curriculum of the school or college, but is devel= oped or lost in that part of the process of education which is outside the books and independent of the teacher. Gump- tion is that power of applying the work of the hand and the brain together un- der the quick application of tht.1o will whion makes boy .r man ready for any 0inofe -sy, and enables him to decide at glance, or with a single thought the right way of doing something. In the old time, although the organization of the schools was not as perfect as it is to-day, and although the teachers were perhaps not as competent as those of modern time, while the variety of in- struction was far less, there was 8 no less number of able and capable men among the graduates of schools and col leges in proportion to the whole num- Der of pupils than there is to-day. The necessity which was imposed on the rich and poor alike to do some part of the work of life with their own hands, while they were attempting to develop their mental powers, worked in the di- rection of that readiness and versatility which we call gumption. It IS obvious to men who have been engaged from very early years in the active work of life, and have been charged with the duty of selecting men to fill important places, that the number of school or col lege graduates who have been ade- quately prepared to apply their instruc' tion to immediate use constitutes pain. fully small proportion of the whole number. It may be admitted that the only true result of school and college
 training is to enable young man tc
 know when and how to begin the req
 education which must form part of his
 life, and which will not end except witt
 life, but it ought not to happen tha
 the method of preparation Is so ill advised that it disqualifies the graduate
 in 8 measure for the work which h. must do. MT. Atkinson advocated fo boys and young men in school and col lege an organized system of sports as {
 means of deveiping mental dexterity urging the development of hand en-
 brain together. His address through out was an argu ment in favor of stu
 dents endeavoring to acquire not onl.. that knowledge which will enabl them to design, but the gumption whicl
 acilitates the ready application o
 knowledge to the execution of desigl
 in whatever work may demand thei attention and effort.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
Wanted to See a Rebel.

Down below Montgomery I ran across a man from Port Huron, Mioh., and after we had shaken hands he said:
 ''Seen any rebs down here ?"
 'Why, yes. That is, I've seen hun dreds who were in the Confederate army"
 "But have you come across one who hasn't surrendered yet-a real old un terrified one who wasn't licked and still hates the flag ?"
 "No."
 "Well, I wish could see one. I've been down here two weeks and I haven't come across him. | fthought the South was chuck full of such chaps, and I dotted on an interview"
 l we1J up to the hotel and told the boys, and they sent over to the cooper shop for Sam. He was not in the war at all, having lately moved in from Texas, but he was the most ''rebbish" looking man south of the Ohio River. He had long hair, long, matted whiskers, long, sharp nose, eyes like 8 wolf, long arms, ragged clothes and he looked to be tough case. The boys told him what was wanted, and he walked down the street to barber shop where the Port Huron man was waiting to get | shaved. Standing in the middle of the shop lie threw his old hat down, jumped three feet high and cracked his heels, and yelled out:
 "Whoop-yah Whar's that Tank who's been hanging around this town for the last three daysP Whoop-yil yi durn Uncle Sam fur an old buzzard fit with Wheeler, I did, and I neve, surrendered There ain't Tanks enough in North America to walk me off whoop '"
 The man from Port Huron had finally got what he was looking for. He rose up, and was edging for the door, whe1 Sam jumped for him and yelled:
 "Whoop-eel You're the cantankerou invader I'm after Come down her and burn out gins, will ye? Come dowl here and slay our"
 Alas! The Michigander was on tn full skip by this time, He took straight road for the country, turnin out for nothing smaller than four-mul team. Next morning received tele gram from him, dated at town eleve miles of, asking me to pay h1s hotel bi and bring along his satchel. M. QuAI
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
Shutting off a Bore.

Armand Marrast, who presided over the deliberations of the French Cham Der in 1S4S, once found 7 p. m. about to strike with an interminabie speaker in the tribune, who had been spouting for three hours and had not nearly made an end of his weak, washy, everlasting flood. Everybody was hungry and in despair. when suddenly a bright thought struck Marrast, and leaning forward he Interrupted the orator with:
 ''I will remind the honorable gentle man that he is forget"
 "Sir!" said the orator, with ferocious glare 1T invariably weigh my words before uttering them, and so I am conf"
 Permit me to conclude, sir," re joined the speaker, mildly; "I did not mean to say that you had forgotten yourself, but that you had forgotten us! Amid frantic burst of applause tht orator rushed from the tribune and tht Assembly adjourned.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
MARKET NOTES.
NEW YORK MARKET.

 The Wholesale New York market quotations show:
 BrANs Prime, $3 60@$3.55 fair to good, $3.25(6$3.5n per bushel.
 BUTTER New York sold at 24t02611c for choice in pails, and 22124c. common to good. Western sold at 24025c., and the common Western al 17019c.
 CHEESE Factory fancy, 1Os[c @1119c; do. fair to good. 8@)9c.
 EGGs-Quotations ranged from 21c for or dinary, to 23c. for New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
 FLOUR superfine, $3.35@s4 40; Western. S4 550$5.50; extra New York, $465@$5 15. HAY shipping, 60@65G clover, 4O@7Oc.; salt, 65c.; straw. 30@35c.
 Hops New York, s69ssc.; Eastern, $40 &C.,; year'ings, l4@24c.; olds, 79l4c. PETROLEUM Refined, 7ssc.; crude, 61@ 7c. in bulk; in barrels, 715c.; naphtha, $40 in shipping order, and 1l1a9I2s4c. in cases. PORK New mess, S-@$3Le0; dressed VT WHEAT M Spring No. 8, sl.2o@14s; Mil waukee, No. ?. $1,36; amber, $1.32@$1. 40 white, $1 32@$l 33.
 RYE State. 87@8Sc
 WooL-Ohio, Pennsylvania and Virginia, xxx, 45@4ic. XIX, 42C045c.; X, 42043c.; No. 1, 45@i7c No. 9, 3S040c.; common, 330035c. New York and Western xx and X, 39@A51Sc.; :; No. 1, 44@i5c.
 PHILADELPHIA MARKET FLOUR State family, $5.S7@$6, %; rye flour, 5 $-- @4 5O; wheat, State, $l.43@ $l.45; amber. $l43; corn, yellow, 83c. mixed State, 8216c.
 PETROLEUM Refined, 71lc.; crude, 6Ac. Wool State and Western xx, 46GD5Uo.; \, 47@49c.; medium, 50@51c.; coarse, 45c.
 BOSTON MARKET. FLoUR-From $4.r00$450 for low and medium, to $5.75@$7 75 for choice Minnesota. Corn, S6@S7c. for mixed and yellow. BUTTER Common, 22(D25c. Vermont dairy, 25@27c; choice creamery, 26@2Sc. CHEEsE-11@1115c.
 BEANs-$3. .SO(D$3 90.
 HAY-Choice. $22@$23.
 CATTLE MARKETS. BUFFALO - Cattle, good quality, $5.75@ $6 75: hogs, fair to good, $7.95@$S. 15; best $S 35.
 EAST LIBERTY. PENN. Best cattle, $7.900 $S.15; medium to good, $6.25@$700; common to fair, $3.250S4 75; Hogs, Workers, $7.70@ $500; Phladelphias, $s.30@$s.50. Sheep, $4.250$' .OO.
 WATERrowN, MAss.-Cattle. choice, $11.25 @$l1.5'; extra, $1O 00@$l0.75: first quality, $9.o0@$9.50; second quality. $6.0O@$s.50; third quality, $5.250$5.75. Sheep and lambs wool sheep, $2.50@$4O0; extra, S8.O0@ $6,5O; spring lambs, 7@l0c. Veal calves. 9s @ V T@A ssNs
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
Some Heavy Gambling.

"Was John Morrissey g heavy player p asked reporter of a New York Man-about-town.
 "Yes, when he played cards there was generally a good deal of money won and lost. He was fond of Boston, and used to play it often with two men who were then prominent New York politicians. When they got together $25, 1000 or $3O, ,00O would usually change hands before the game was over."
 "Did Morrissey ever lose $1OO, 900 at once2'
 "Yes, but that was at faro. One of the politicians of whom I was just speaking came into his place one night and wished to play faro. Morrissey dealt the cards and the politician played. The first bet he made was $15,00O. He lost, and continued to play in bad luck until he had lost $50, ,O00. Then Morrissey said Ill bantering way. 'Il play against that house of yours.' The politician agreed, and play was resumed. In an hour afterward the politician had won back what he had lost, and had Morrissey's check for $l00. GOO in his pocket"
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
A Cheap Grafton.

There is yet living in Central Michi- gan, says the Detroit Free Press. 8 lawyer who, some fifteen or sixteen years ago, was waited upon by com mittee from small village for the pur- pose of engaging him to deliver a Fourth of July oration. When they asked his price, he said that he consid- cred $25 cheap enough.
 "Mercy on el" explained the chair man, "but we can't pay no such price as that That must be for a regular Henry Clay oration."
 "Well, yes. l think it will compare favorably with anything Henry got off. "
 "Oh, but we can't stand tive must have cheaper one."
 "How cheap!' !'
 "Not over $5. We'll give you $5, your dinner, and all the lemonade you can drink for the cheapest oration in your head"
 'I'll do it P replied the lawyer, and the money was paid him on the spot.
 He was on hand on the glorious day, and by and by the procession moved to the grove, the orator took the stand and was introduced, and without any foolipg around he walked to the front and said;
 Fellow-countrymen We whipped England twice and Mexico once. We are free people. This is the glorious Fourth. Give 'em Hail Columbia and go in for good time-the end"
 He had given them $5 oration, and every soul in the crowd except one old woman was perfectly satisfied. She followed the orator around until she had cornered him, and then expressed her disgust by saying:
 Seems to me if you had really de- sired to please the crowd you wouldn't have chopped that off without single word about Noah's ark or the battle of Bunker Hill."
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
A Systematic HOusekeeper.

How thankful we are that we are through with the house-cleaning, but how tired and worn; and as we realize that the hot weather will soon be upon us, and we in no better condition than what we are and impossible to get help to assist us in our labor, would it not be advisable for many of us to tell each other how we make some of the rough. est places smoother, so we can save as much of strength and time as possible True, no one could follow my way of doing, as no two do exactly alike, but possibly they could get little benefit, and out of many letters could derive considerable.
 Monday morning, as early as possible, so as to have the cool of the morning, I begin my washing. If the clothes are soaked over night or few hours, it is a great help and not much trouble. I leave as much of my housework as pos sible until through washing.
 Tuesday churn and iron. do my starched ironing first, as that is the hardest One has more patience before they are tired.
 Wednesday bake and give the house 8 general dusting and sweeping. do not bake but twice week usually. If potatoes are put in the bread when making yeast the bread will not dry so soon, and if kept in tin box in 8 cool, dry place it will not mold. I use my boiler.
 Thursday I sew, visit or anything my hand tindeth to do.
 Friday I churn. I do not churn but twice week, even in hot weather, and have poor cellar. If the cream crock is put in tub of cold water, and the water changed twice day, there will be no waste of cream and it will not get too sour. The men change the water; it only takes few minutes.
 Saturday I bake and prepare for the Sabbath. I usually mop the floor every day. If the floor is painted it saves so much dusting and makes the room cooler. I do not always follow these rules, but generally, if health and weather permit, and I find I get along with the work much easier than when doing everything at any time.-1he Household.
Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
S2OO.OO REWARDl


 Will be paid for the detection and con viction of any person selling or dealing in any bogus, coun' erfeit or imitation HoP BnrEBs, especially Bitters, or preparations with tho word HoP or Hops in their name, or connected there. with, that is intended to mislead and cheat the public, or for any preparation put in any form pretending to be the same as HoP B1TTERs. The genuine have cluster of GREEN Hops (notice this) printed on the white label, and are the pucest and best medicine on earth. especially for Kidney, Liver and Ner' vous Diseases. Beware of all others, and of all pretended formulas or recipes of HoP BlrrEss published ia papers, or for sale, as they are frauds and swim dies. Whoever deals in any but the genuine will be prosecuted.
 HoP BIrTEEs MFa. Co.,,
 Rochester, N. l.