Connecticut western news., 1882-07-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

Farmer Lamar. Evidently this able aoriculturist has never stayed all night at a summer-resort hotel.
 HE-"Why do you persist in moving oor.v from me so far, dear cousin sbe-"Oh, for 8 distant relative 1t seems to me you are near enough already"
 Ir IS only the rich who can stay home and enjoy their lawn dresses cool verandas and pleasant rooms. The poor must go away every summer of some one will think they haven't any money.-DetroH Free Press.
 A GERMAN shoemaker, having maoe a pair of boots for gentleman oa whose financial integrity he had con- siderable doubt, made the following re- ply to him when he called for the atS- cles "Der boots ish not quite doneS b1ft Ger beel ish made out.
 A surnER has applied for penslon' on account of injuries received during the late war. Probably he stra,neo himself in a charge. Many ot them were dangerously exposed iu tEas way when lean cheese cost s1 75 p'Nuuds live weight. Burlington Hat0keye. EVERY little rural drug g-store has soda-water fount.
 Which simply raises ructiaus with leuo"s bank account. For be meets his girl at twilight, Wneu n0 coming home from biz, | And he has to sweetly ask her If she d ''Ne ~ hear if fig. Puck. Co1oNE1 OLD STYLE" This IS in- deed pleasure. Tnever see your iady- ship but I feel that I am 10 years younger" Lady New Style (who has not been to the lyceum for nothlne)- Indeed. colonel, then you snouio avoid me. A meeting or two more and youTrsbe in your second childhood 1 GENERAL FrzHueH LEE wrote from Richmond to the Committee on Invita- tions: "Greatly preferring the society of the sSocietv of the Army of the
 Potomac in 1882 to the society ct the
 sArmy of the Potomac from 1S6I to
 1s65 I regret that it will not be in my
 power to be present at their reunion in Detroit on the 14th and 18th instant A DAY in June may be as rare as She
 poet implies. but an evening Tn Junes
 when every one's parlor window IS open
 and nearly everybody's piano IS peine
 bounded is enough to make a man ~isn
 either for & lodge in some vast wilder
 ness or temporary fit of oeainess'
 After some playing that is heard on
 such evenings cat concert see"s .
 melodious benediction.
 "IFEEn am growing old, " says the lady, mincinglv, to her guests, 70. really am beginning to lose my haIr. ;;rf course she has bushels cf it, and It is as black as a ravens wing.) fhen' ma excla,ms her little child, wiEa the
 innocent frankness of infancy, "W,oy
 don't you lock up the drawer when you put it away at night ?"
 THEY were speaking about cranial de- formities down at the corner grocery
 last evening. CT hold," said " young man. "that a man with Dig
 head is just as apt to be durned fool ! as q man with a small head "True,r replied an elderly man who was hold ing down the cover to the sugar barrel, , "but he generally knows 1t and don't
 give himself away.
 SOME families have already been to the country and returned. They went to places that every one said were per fectly healthy, and ate from well nlieo
 tables, but somehow the children leu sick at once. It may be sad, but It IS also true, that there is no pisce 90 healthy that the juvenile digestion can : oet the better of unlimited fresh mllks country vinegar and cucumbers that were stale before they left New York
 AN OooNoMowoc and Palmyra base T hall club played match, and the score
 ia said by 8 man who came in on fre;oht train, to have been 3O2 to I6i m to the time he left, though ht
 thought if they kept on till dark, thu
 score would be the largest made by any
 club this season. Some of these lea8u' clubs that play all the afternoon an'
 only score two or three runs, ougns "
 come West and learn how to iiay'- Peck's Sun.
 I THE new reporter was sent to tn. ! school exhibition. His report reae
 pretty well; but there were few thhngl f in it which did not meet the approva d of the local editor-such, for instance d as these: "The essays G: the gradua'inl ,e class were good, whoever WTote tnem is "the floral offerings were exoessise is and from the number received by MiS le Simplegush we judge her father owns ,e first.c class greenhouse "the younl Il lady who read the valedictory to tn V teachers has in her the m lking of 70 fine actress. She simulated sorrow ss w accurately that the writer might hay been misled had he not subsequenti, = heard the young lady speak ot thu 'o same tdear-teacher as a hateful ol' ss thing. '"--Boston Transcript. 10 SPEAK GENTLY. ,o Speak gently to the herring, and kindly to tn
 calf,
 Be blithesome with the bunny, at barnacl'
 don't laugh;
 Give nuts unto the monkey and buns unto tn
 bear,
 to Never hint at currant jelly if you chance ', meet hare.
 '' Don't tantalize the tortoise nor sacrifice u |