Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-05-12
THE CALIFORNIA MAN.
How he Relieved the MOnOtOnY OF
Journey Across the Plains.

to have lively party accompany you.
Some of us tried to become insensible,
and Our efforts had the effect of making
US very lively party before we reached
Kansas City.
One of cur party discovered feather
on the porters coat while that individual
in the smoking-r room and reported the
find. We appointed a committee oil
three to question the porter as to where
the feather came from. The committee
reported that the colored individual had
said the feather evidently came from one
of the pillows. The committee also
secured the feather. The fat man, who
occupied two seats and travelled on q
deadhead ticket, gave it as his opinion
that the company had placed the feather
on the porter's coat for the purpose of
making the passengers believe there were
more feathers somewhere in the car
possibly in the pillows or mattresses.
The lean man who sat on ore button OF
the porters seat in the wash-room said
it was a shame to raise the hopes of the
passengers in that way. Lots were drawn
for the possession of the feather, and the
California man won the prize. and slept
in downy beds of ease that right. "Talk-
in about feathers" said the California
man, California uses a great many. a
very great many"
"Ah, in what way2" asked the man in
the checked suit.
why, you see, replied the California
man, "the fruit grown in my State is no
good if it is allowed to fall to the ground
Nha falt -
able. The consequence is that the fruit
growers have to have feather-beds under
all the trees for the fruit to drop upon.
am going East now to patent an cleo
trical machine for preventing the fruit
from falling when it becomes ripe. ]
will run wire to the trunk of each tree,
and the blamed fruit will have to hang
on as long as the circuit is connected
When the fruit is almost ripe will have
men with baskets lined with silk plush
stand under the trees. will then turn
OFF the current and the fruit is bound tC
drop"
ga very nice arrangement" we all re
piled in chorus, for we wanted to encour
age the California man.
'"Yes, but then California is no place
for poor man." he continued, land il
doesn't pay to raise fruit. Fruit there is
worse than the Mississippi floods; it will
get the best of you. remem Der poor,
economical pawnbroker, named Abe Sol
on on, who thought he would manufac-
ture sign of the three golden balls tc
hang out in front of his store He took
three of the smallest California grapes he
could find, covered them with gold leaf
aOH hnnn fhopa ny, Ouar tho otOra door
He went home that night chuckling over
the idea that he had got his sign SO
cheap. But, poor fellow! That sign
proved his ruin"
How so?" we asked.
"Well, Abe came down the next morn
ing and found the street in front of his
store blockaded and policemen guard.
ing his premises You see, the
grapes had grown during the night
and their weight had pulled the front d
the store out, and completely demolished
the building"
els that possible?' asked the thin
man.
"Never spoke truer word in my life,
replied the California man; and we be
lieved him.
81 don't understand" said the
drummer, looking out of the window
why the farmers allow your cattle
to nibble at the tops of this winter
wheat.
"Why," said the California man, cts
to make the roots strong. But they
could't do that in California. remem-
Der poor Dick Smith. He turned his
cattle out to Craze on the meadow which
he had sown in winter wheat, thinking
it was growing too fast-and it does grow
powerfully fast there. The next morning
he went out to round up his cattle, but
nary cattle could he find"
"They had all taken to their heels,
eh2" said the fat man.
mo, no; bless you, no. There had
come up a shower in the night that had
started Smiths wheat to growing and the
wheat had actually taken the cattle up
with it, and they were clear out of sight
next morning"
"Why didn't he cut the wheat DOWN.
asked the Plainville man.
mo use" replied the California man,
che couldn't have sold it,"
"Why not2"
Because it would have tasted of
beet"
"Oranges must be very abundant in
your State" humbly suggested the lean
man.
Abundant Well, you can gamble on
the fact that they are" replied the Cali
fornia man. Speaking of oranges re-
minds me of Johnny Morton. Johnny
was good kind of boy, but he would
play with bean blower He ran short
of beans one day, and had to fall back
on orange seeds. Well, one day hi
thought he would take shy at his
father so he hid behind the barn, and
when the old gentleman came out John
ny fired an orange seed at him. Thai
orange seed took old Morton right in the
ear, and it went in so deep they couldn't
get it out again. Next morning the old
gentleman was suffering with a big
head. The doctor examined him anC
found two little green leaves in hi;
ear"
"Seed had taken root. ehH"
eyes; and they couldn't stop it, either
They just had nurse to sit up by Nor
tons side and pull those leaves off as
soon as they appeared. But it was nc
use; the leaves got the upper hand, and
kept it. The plant grew so rapidly that
Morton got discouraged and died with
the statement on his lips that he was
tired of bucking against California fruit.
They planted Morton and the tree at the
same time, for they were one and insep
arabic"
1--WE are nearing Florence, said the fat
man, land we stand show Of getting 8
very nice supper"
81 think shall just tackle a slight
lunch" said the California man, "al
though 1 got myself into trouble once
for bringing lunch cupboard"
How was that2' asked the drum
mers
"Wby, it was down in Los Angeles,
and stopped off and drank a glass of
milk at the lunch-counter, and
bought the doughnut. l brought
doughnut on the train, but the conduc
tor would not let me keep it in the pas
senger-car."
"Why nOt?" he asked.
"Why," said the California man, che
claimed that it was freight, and wanted
me to pay express charges on it,"
"Florencel Twenty minutes for sup.
peru shouted the brakeman, and we all
supped.