The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1882-03-28
The Reap. oftioamert.
Remarks OF FTotassor January
Sunbeam Before the Lime Kiln
Club


"What | was gwine to remark"
said Bro. Gardner, as the rafting of
hoofs died away on the calm eye
ming air, twas to de effect dat Prof.
January Sunbeam, OF Mississippi,
am waitn' IN de anteroom to address
lie meetin' on de subject OF. De
Goneness ou de Past De Pfots am
not only known all ob.s te kentry
fur his theories on astronomy, but he
am de Gully man in America who KIN
skin woodchuck in seben minits, by
de watch. Sir Isaac Walpolc, you an
Giveaaam Jones will PM on your
yaller kid gloves an long tailed coats
an escort de Professor into de hall"
In about ten minutes the. stranger
ma'le his appearance and war greeted
with a bust Of applause, which upset
the water pail and filled the shoes OF
eight or ten Of the nearest members.
On taking the pl,tiorm he was intro
-duced by the President, handed a
piece q slippery elm to keep his
throat moist duriag his orstory, and
than began.
:My dear fren's, whar am de past9
Look far tundersdc bed, down cellar,
up stars in lie wood box, or whar
yon viii. an you can not find it
Why? Kase it am gone. 1t has slip
ped away like a streak o grcasa runin'
acroos de kitchen Zoo, and will neb-
erreturn. [ Signs from all over the
hall. Do you maet Plato as you go
up de street? Do You fin Cicero
waitin' at de ferrydock?Dsy You h'ar OF
Diogeness hangin' Ground dc Union
Depot to work de string game on
some greenlorn? Not any. Dey be.
long TO lie past and gone, Dey sleep
in de dimness OF other centuries,
Nhar' am de glory Of dc Roman En-
pire? Whar' am Cesar an Brutus
an Cassius? Let de dust Of de past
answer. Much blowing Of noses
"My fren's de past am MT de lucher
any IN IRE dan day after tom prov is
day befo' Yesterday. AS time fades SO,
does glory fade. To day You may
piarch at de head of de perceshun, yer
hat on yer ear. an a red sash tied
aroun' yer boly to morrow ye may
be ia Jail far borrowin' somebody's
woodpile to keep yer feet warm. (Sly
and suspicious winks all over the
room. Dol not prise de present too
highly do not forget de warnings
Of de past. We cannot recall de past,
but we can look back an see, whar' de
grocer gia' I'd short weight in Goldfish,
an whar' We took advantage Of
cloudy day to pass twenty-cent piece
off for quarter. Cheers and ap
plause.
"My hearers. We should no. lib fnr
de past, tits to us as we riz up in de
marnin. wethcr Caesar met his
mot er-in-law atthe depot or forbid
her lis.house? What am it to us as
we retire to our humble couches fur de
night whether de orators OF Athens
CREASED DER butes wild lard or went
bar'foot? 40 we sit on a box in an 81
ly to consume our noon day lunch we
car not whether Bruins dyel his goa
tee or was clsned shaved. Cries OF
No! Mol" But lie (ucher am big wild
events. To-day we may be full Of
sorrow. II SO, we hope dat de morrow
bring clan chowlcr Great smacking
of lips. If de present am full Of bilcs
an chilblains an heartache, de fucher
may be as bright as y cats eye shin
in ont of bari on dark night.
Nebber look back on de past. 1t ans
as much gone as three-cent piece
paid out fur a;Fourth Of July lemonade
Nebber despair on de fucher. When
de heart is heaviest, You may fin a
lest wallet, or strike some butcher
willln'to give credit. [Whoops Of
applause.
my fren's, l am dun. Thanking
you surverly for your infectious dis
traction. pramulate to my seat wild
odillerious ieclsngs of concentration
towards each and cherry one of you"
During the wild excitment which
followed the close Of the mastery ef-
fort, Samuel Shin aud Trustee Pull.
back fell upon the hot stove in enthus.
lastic embrace, AMI seven windows
had to be lowered to let out the odo
Of over-dono mule steak.
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