The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-07-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

"Too much sugar for a scent, re.
marked the youth as he kissed the girl
who had been eating onions.
The awful question with Gotham
young men on the eve of matrimony:
Does she kiss her pOodle?'
Judge Hilton's failure in Stewards
dry-goods business suggests the ancient
reason that he couldn't get Jews to it.
Boston has l28 girls who are studying
Latin 10 help some future husband TO
spin out a salary of SO per week.
A New Haven burglar tried to rob
plumber but the plumber it was who
robbed the burglar even of his clothes.
New England people might as well
get ready for a fall campaign against
cider It's going to be plenty and
cheap.
"Ananias. ,Jr.; How can you learn
to be a lirst-class liar? Get engaged to
two girls and the faculty will sort o
come to you
The most sensible people of the coun-
try live at Lansing, Mich. A butcher
shop in the place bears the sign, CLOSED
till meat gets cheaper "
A somnambulist fell from third story
window in Pennsylvania town, and
was not awakened, but She was buried
the next day
One of the editors OF the Atlanta
Drummer has resigned TO 90 into the
crockcry business He is now where he
can "diSh II up'' heavy
1t is estimated that there are 10000
GOO umbrellas in this country, but tie
| great trouble is to find the chap who has
| gobbIcd them up
| Archibald Forbes is to marry again.
He possesses all the good qualities to
make good war correSpondent-pluck
and an adventurous spirit.
Papa: "'Pon my word. ! think
shall have thehcartburn" Little daugh-
ter "Shall fetch il for you, papa Is
it in the cupboard?'
The trouble is not with The colleges,
but with the fathers who unthlnkingly
spoil good rullian in trying TO educate
him for gentleman
A western editor received alctter from
n subscriber asking him to publish a
cure for apple tree worms He replied
that he could not suggest azure until he
knew what allied the worms.
Lolita writes to a friend that she is no
longer Young, and SO has decided topay
only sixty years more, after which she
will retire and leave the field to Maggie
Mitchell
A bald-headed professor reprovng n
youth for the exercises of the fist 1--WE
fight with our heads at this college"
The youth reflected a moment and then
replied "Ah, | see, and you have but
ted all your hair on"
If YOU are not careful said one
| member Of n debating society to anoth-
er, u shall give YOU piece of my
| mind Then, y was the reply, II will
be careful for you certainly have no
mind to spare
As he waited for prescription, the
druggist said TO him; THAT is my son,
sir, sitting by you; don't YOU think he
looks like mc3' "Wcn, yes" replied
the customer, II think | can see some
of your linimenis in his face"
yes said the lady, II like to have
a handsome cook. You see, my hus.
bands business keeps him ont late at
night and therc'd be no man in the
house II the cook didn't have police
man visiting her"
Our little Caddic, years old, was &C.
cused by her mother of having lost her
memory, and the child looked bewilder-
ed for moment and then light seemed
to dawn upon her, for she exclaimed;
II deSs know what memory is. Its
the ting ! fordet wiv."
The Rev, Mr. Jones had in his dining
room stuffed owl which looked as full
Of ponipous wisdom as if it had been
alive, His bishop coming to dinner one
day, he called his young son to intro
duce him TO the dignitary. Bishop
smith, said the father, "ths is my
Youngest boy" Bishop Smith, cried
The boyi "ho! that's what you call the
stuffed owl in the dinipg-room.'