The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-07-12
A PATRIARCH,
And what lie Communicated TO n
e'rffip Ranprfer.

Passing through ono OF tho city parks aftor
"twilIght had doepenod into darkness" last
evening, n CRITIC reporter observed sitting on
one OF the park benches workable patriarch,
upon whose hoary head many summers and
winters have recorded their passage. His pc
culiar dress would, to keen observer, indl-
cate that something besides fashionable attire
has occupied HIS mind for many years.
His long hair and beard WED with each
other in their snowy whitcncss, while his large
dreamy.looking eyes gave him the sage.like
appearance mentioned in ancient lore as pe-
culiar TO alchemists and othor learned mon.
His attire was ordinary, oven common, and as
he sat on the bonch, his head leaning back
against tho rail, the picture was ono worthy OF
an artists brush.
Walking up 20 him, tho reporter disturbed
hts mc,iltS;iOns by introducing himself on tho
weather Plea, which had the desired effect OF
drawing him into conversation, during
which he said
"Did 1t ever occur to you that tho Creator is
n very provident beings"
"Every indication points 20 that fact," re-
piled tho reporter, wondering II he had made
miscalculation and gotten into the moshes
avery well. Now for my theory. What do
you suppose the sun, moon and stars were
made for " he inquired eagerly.
., well" well replied the SCRIBE 81 was taught
''Tut, tut, TUT" broke in tho old man;
SCHOOLS know nothing about tho heavenly
bodies and their purposes. So.callod as
ninety-nino people out OF every hundred know
comparatively nothing about the heavenly OK.
detrimental light system
"what is your theory OF the matter 2" asked
the reporter.
az will first illustrate my theory from
human standpoint, using familiar facts. The
first illuminating agency used by man were
fires built upon tho ground and punches OF
faggots; after this era candles wero used, then
lamps, in which flshoil was used; then fol-
lowed other fluids, ending with gas aud now
the electric light caps the climax OF human IL
Snow for tho heavenly illuminators," con-
tiDued old wiseacre. ''rho Creator at first ex-
perimented with stars; he made millions Of
Them and distributed thom lavishly ovor the
blue vault. They were insufficient for the
purpose, as you will observe BY noting their
then constructed, and II you Will observe 1t on
q full.moon night YOU Will conclude that, too,
was insufficient. A long stride was thon
taken, and the sun was tho result and pro-
sumo 1t is needless to toll you, young man, the
sun nils the bill both as an illumination and
heater"
Concurring with him, especially in tho latter
nSccrdns to theoy tSss the stars
moon have not been discarded and the sun
left alone in Its glory"
"ohl that's easy enough answered" he
moon, therefore they were left In their places
as beautiners and TO difruso their poetic light
aftor tho solar orb has passed down the
Western slope"
aThat seems to be an original theory, at any
rate" added the reporter, In an encouraging
tone.
"Yes, 1t is-purely my own, assure you.
by the way, don't you want to Invest In some
paying stock?' eagerly asked the aged
theorist.
"what kind ?" remarked tho scribe with 0
wink, "Washington Gaslight, electric light, OIL
some new kind Of non.explosive nuid 2"
"No, SIR" no replied Indignantly, "stocl
in the Great American Sunlight Condensins
Company, of which am"
"Good night" quickly rejoined the reporter
recognizing the "sunbeam catcher" in tn,
old theorist and gliding or like sunbeam OIL
q rampage.