News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-05-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

| ~ 10 AOb VIC POuoOA NoO0 ~ - y N~~1
lady that makes her hair bang. Boston
Bulletin.
AN amateur theatrical performance is
like false hair, because it cones off at
night.
FooD for reflection - Mince pie,
cheese, lobster salad. No sleep. Time
to think.
AN enterprising Snowman up in north
ern Michigan advertises that he has
found the missing lynx.
ELEPHANTS, it is believed, can be
taught to play.billiards. If SO it will be
great relief to young men who are
now obliged to give up so much of their
valuable time to this work.
NOSE ScHAMBURa has been annoyed
by burglars prowling around his resi-
dence on the upper end of Austin
avenue. Recently went-into gunshop
to buy pistol. "What kind of a wea-
pom do you want?'' ST would like one,"
said Nose, Unit accommodations for
six burglars. "-TeGas Siftjngs.
Some men who never give up cent
until they are Obliged to, object to hav-
ing donations published. 'Let not thy
right hand know what thy left hand
dosth," said one who never gave any
thing but advice. eyes, verify" said
bilious brother in the corner; "what I
give is nothing to nobody" He was
right.
'fSEE here" said fault finding hus-
band to his wife, "we must have things
arranged in this house so we shall know
just where everything is kept" "With
all my heart" she sweetIy answered;
"and let us begin. with your late hours,
my love should dearly like to know
where they are kept" He let's things
run on as usual.
The young Kate Shelly, who saved
an Iowa train near Boone by her cour-
ageous and heroic efforts year or two
ago, is engaged to be married to the
conductor of the train she saved. Now
you'll find every woman in the State out
stopping railroad trains and trying to
pretend they're saving them. It's 60
ing to be a hard year for conductors.
Boston Post
CHILDREN are sometimes philosophers
and just es able to draw an inference as
older people. 'Now, Willie, said coax
ing mother, ST don't like to take medi-
cine any more than you do, but just
make up my mind to do it, and then do
it." The scion of genius looked up
through his tears and replied: "And,
mother, I iust make up my mind that I
won't, and then 1 don't"
MILWAUKEE is discussing the prob
lem about how long it is proper for
lover, during courtship, to extend his
evening call. It seems to be true that
when young man selfishly exhausts
long evenings during courtship, he
should not, after marriage, expect the
lady to superintend the early morning
coffee making on the strength of the
late habits he has encouraged.
"YoU seem to be a man who is hard
up for money !" said Gilhooly, who is
always trying to borrow money, to Col.
Lordly. "You are mistaken, sir" re-
sponded Lordly loftily, 81 am well pre-.
vided with money" ''Blamed glad to
hear it. Let me congratulate you that
you are in such affluent circumstances,
and d-and-then you won't object to
lending me five dollars. "-Teras
Sfftings.
sis Mrs. O. done name de baby
yit?" Uncle Henry asked his wife, who,
being Mrs. G-'s cock, -t6ak as
much interest in the baby as if it hac
been one of her own pickaninnles. Tx
answer was affirmative, and Uns
Henry continued s'What she gv .
fur to call it 2',-.s5hol. was the ans -
in tone expressive of the utmost
tempt. "She's Civ de baby trib, -
no-account sort of name-the name
a button-PearI r' 3Ino
The family were talking, in the pres
ence of Miss Helen, aged seven, of the
adventures and plans of famous dis
coverer, just starting in search of un-
known countries. "That's too bad -
says the young lady, interrupting the
conversation of her elders. "Why,
mademoiselle," reioins her father, edo
you have SO decided an opinion, at
your age, on such subject as this ?"
"Cf course I do" says the child; eff
this gentleman goes and finds new
country, that II make one more to learn
in the geography, and there's enough
now II