davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
GOOD HUMOR.

Good humor is rightly reckoned
most valuable aid to happy home
life. An equally good and useful fac
ulty is sense Of humor, or the capac-
ity to have little fun along with the
humdrum cares and works of life.
We all know how it brightens up
things generally to have a lively,
witty companion, who sees the ridicu-
lous points Of things, and can turn an
annoyance into an occasion of laugh
ter. 1t does great deal better to
laugh over some domestic mishaps
than to cry or scold about them.
Many homes and lives are dull be-
cause they are allowed to become too
deeply impressed with the cares and
responsibilities Of life to recognize its
bright, especially its mirthful side.
In such household, good, but dull,
the advent Of witty, numerous friend
is like sunshine on a cloudy day.
While it is always oppressive to hear
persons constantly striving to say wit
ty or funny things, it is comfortable
seeing what brightener little fun
is, to make an effort to make some at
home. 1t is well to turn off an i'm
patient question sometimes and to re-
gard it from humorous point, in
stead Of being irritated by it.
"Wife, what is the reason /
never San find a clean shirt 7" ex-
claimed a good, but rather impatient,
husband after looking all through the
wrong drawer.
His wife looked at him steadily for
a moment, half inclined to be pro-
voked; then, with comical look, she
said, ~ never guess conundrums, l
give it up"
Then he laughed and they both
laughed, and she went and got his
shirt, and he felt ashamed of himself
and kissed her, and then she felt hap
py, and SO what might have been the
occasion for harsh words and uukind
feelings, became just the contrary, all
through the little vein Of humor that
cropped out to the surface. Some
people have peculiar faculty for Civ
ing humorous turn to things when
they are reproved. 1t does just as
well oftentimes to laugh things off
as to scold them off. Laughter is
better than tears. Let us have a lit
tie more of it at home.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
MARRIED FOLKS WOULD BE
HAPPIER.


If home trials we're never told to
neighbors.
If they kissed and made up after
every quarrel.
If household expenses we're pro-
portioned to receipts.
If they tried to be agreeable as in
courtship days.
If each would try and be support
and comfort to the other.
If each remembered the other was
human being, not an angel.
1t women were as kind to their
husbands as they are to their lovers.
If fuel and provisions we're laid in
during the high tide of Summer.
If both parties remembered that
they were married for worse as well
as for better.
If men were as thoughtful for
their wives as they were for their
sweethearts.
If there we're fewer silk and velvet
costumes, and more plain tidy, house
dresses.
If there were fewer Hplease dar-
ling" in public and more common
manners in private.
If wives and husbands would take
some pleasure as they go along, and
not degenerate into mere toiliug ma
chimes. Recreation is necessary to
keep the heart in its place, and to
get along without it is a big mistake.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
FASHION NOTES.

Yellow flowers trim dark green and
straw bonnets.
All kinds of carpets copy oriental
designs and colors.
Velvet strings and velvet Alsat-
inc bow trim new bonnets.
White net embroidery is used for
neckties and chemisettes.
Patient leather low shoes will be
worn this summer by ladies'.
Neck ribbons are more frequently
tied on one side than in front.
The designs and colorings of new
stockings are in the highest degree.
Mother Hubbard styles are now
confined to morning wrappers and
night-dresses.
Low-necked, short-sleeved dresses
are revived for small girls under nine
years.
The favorite blue for children's fan
nels and cheviots is the old gendarme
or china blue.
1t is rumored that whole travelling
dresses are to be made Of long strip
ped India shawls.
Fruit and flower designs in close
printed patterns appear on new isle
thread stockings.
Manila straws in fancy patterns
are popular; those with broad retrous-
SO brims sell rapidly.
Bridesmaids wear white straw
Rembrandt hats, with white plumes
falling over the front of the brim.
1t is now the fashion in London
for bridesmaids to have brilliantly
colored dresses in contrast with the
brides white.
The boffant drapries increase in
popularity and in size, the designs
being notifications of the Louis
Quinze styles
Satin parssols edged with tinted
Spanish lace and lined with silk Of
blending or contrasting hue are ex-
tremely artistic in tone
Shoes of tsn-color and russell
leather, worn with black or dark-red
stockings shOwily cIocked, will be-
fashionable for the country this sum
mer.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
ELEPHANTS AND LEECHEs.


One evening, soon after my arrival
in Eastern Asam, and while the five
elephants were, as usual, being led OPP
posite the bungalow, l observed a
young and lately caught one step up
to q bamboo-stake fence and quietly
pull one Of the stakes up. Placing it
under foot it broke piece off the
stake, and, and after lifting it to his
mouth, threw it away. It repeated
this twice or thrice, and then drew
another stake and began again. See
ing that the bamboo was old and dry,
| asked the reason of this, and was
told to wait and see what it would do.
At last it seemed to get piece that
suited, and holding in the trunk firm
ly, and stepping the left fore-leg well
forward, and passing the piece of bam-
boo under the armpit, SO to speak, and
began to scratch with some force.
My surprise reached its climax when
| saw large elephant-leech fall to the
ground, quite six inches long and as
thick as ones finger, and which from
its position could not be easily de-
tached without this scraper or scratch,
which was deliberately made by the
elephant. | subsequently found that
it was a common occurrence. Leech-
scrapers are used by every elephant
daily. On another occasion, when
travelling at time Of year when the
large flies are so tormenting to an ell
ephant, noticed that the one I rode
had no fan or whip to beat them of
with. The mahout at my order,
slackened pace and allowed her to go
to one side Of the road, where, fol-
some moments, she moved along, rum.
maging the smaller jungle on the bank.
At last she came to cluster of young
shoots well branched, and after feel
ing among them, selected one, raised
her trunk and neatly stripped down
the stem, taking off all the lower
branches and leaving a fine bunch or
top. She deliberately cleaned it do WI
several times; and then laying hold at
the lower end, broke off beautiful
switch about five feet long, handle in.
cluded. With this she kept the flies
at bay as she went along Tapping them
of on each side every now and then
Say what we may, these are bona fide
implements, each intelligently made
for definite purpose.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
lend congressman's son to help him
pay his fare to IowaY


pay his fare to Iowa?
A certain city has a population q
100000. The census man can't fad
but 1871 $50. What is the difference,
and where did the remainder hide
during the census taking3
A has an overcoat for which he paid
SIS, and his wife trades it off for two
red ay busts Of Andrew jackson
worth thirty cents each. How much
money will she get from her husband
to buy fall bonnet?
If six MEN. who talk politics and
dispute on Biblical questions can
build wall in five days, how long
will it take two men who wrestle and
hirt with the widow on the corner to
do the same work?
A man pays thirty cents for three
pounds of eyaporated apples and gets
$l4 newspaper puff for sending them
to an orphan asylum. Does he gain
or lose, and how much?
How many peck peach-baskets,
each holding six quarts, will be re-
quired to hold seven bushels of peach
es, each bushel of which is short four
quarts?
How do you obtain an abstract
number Answer: Hire a strange
boy to take dozen oranges to your
house.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
al SAIL s,EEP WV HIM TONIGHT

81 SAIL S'EEP WV HIM TONIGHT.
Sometimes we believe the little
ones say the best things after all.
We knew little family in Detroit
who are heart.broken and sad this
Saturday night. There were three
last Saturday, but to-day only two are
left. The tie that bound them more
closely than that which the clergyman
drew has lately been loosened, and the
light of their countenance went out
with the red winter sun only the other
night. The father is railroad man
whose duties call him away from home
nearly three-fourths of the time. It
was his habit, whenever he was about
to start for home, to telegraph his
wife apprising her Of the fact. In
these kilograms he never failed to
mention the name of the little four
year-old, and the dispatch usually ran
as follows "Tell Arthur l shall sleep
with him tonight" The baby boy
was very proud of these kilograms,
which his mother would read over to
him. and he considered the 0talodraf,,
a great institution. The other night
when the fever had done its work,
and the mother was sobbing out her
anguish, the little one turned calmly
to his bed and said :aDon't ky, man.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08

An exchange wants to know swheth-
er our colleges turn out gentlemen"
Certainly not; the gentlemen are al.
lowed to 60 on and graduate.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
POOR JENNIE cRAsIER.


murder of Jennie Cramer attracts as
much attention now as it did on the
inquest or in the inquiry for the COM
mitment Of the accused. The same
testimony, in the main, is again being
brought out Indeed the present trial
is, virtually, the third edition Of the
case, and yet the interest of the ooun-
try is undated. Undoubtedly the
purpose of the trial has much to do
with the continued and increased in
terest. The purpose this time is to
fix the guilt or show the innocence of
the accused, as to the crime charged.
But the crime not charged, yet confess
sed, looms up from behind aud over
tops the present trial. That crime is
one than which society rates even
murder less mean, cruel and more
humane. 1t is the question Of the
case whether that crime was not the
prelude and cause of the murder
alleged. 1t has been proven that
Jennie Cramer was not drowned. 1t
has been proven that she died of
poison. The only remaining question
is, did she take it or was it admins
tered to her by guile or force ? That
is the issue before the jury. 1t is
not to be doubted that the maltreat-
ment of the victim produced general
impression that the criminals qualified
themselves for murder, did sometimes
to create a need Of recourse to it, and
proved themselves capable Of it. OF
course whether they did it or not is a
conclusion of fact, on which to await
the finding of the jury. The liability
of wrongly conyicting them, because
of the deteststion which their confess
sed crime occasions, is not one bout
which people borrow much trouble.
That punishment would be too great
for them in moral punishment, is fe 1t
to be true, and if it becomes theirs,
under the forms Of the law, no right
minded friend of virtue and helpless
ness would be sorry. The decoy wo-
man occupiesa strange position in the
case. Ordinary society is not only the
friend but the bully Of propriety when
it deals with woman who fouts it,
but it has realized that Blanche Doug
lass, at most, is not any worse than
those who hired her for their pur-
poses, aud suspicion has been engen-
dered to the effect that even she had
enough womanhood in her not to have
been a deviser or a willing agent of
the murder of another woman, il MUIR
dered she was. The expectation Of
her telling the truth, at last, and Of
showing exactly where her sin led
her cooperate, and where her sympa-
thy led her TO protest, only to find
herself enmeshed and intimidaied by
the harder wretehes with whom she
was consorting, is relied upon and is
looked for as one of the clarifying sur
prisss ofthe trial. Meanwhile to parents
aud children the case is preaching a
tragic sermon that cannot be mistaken.
1t is sermon against the failures #
fathers and mothers to care for the
character, as well as the comforts Of
their children. 1t is a sermon against
sending forth vain daughters, in the
company of we'll dressed intending
scoundfels, whose means of buying
luxuries and maintaining fash ap-
rearance are accepted as substitutes
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08
LUCAS REkDY- MIXED PAINT (!

After 26 years experience in the business l
pronounce Lucas Paint superior to any have
ever used. 1t is scientifically combined, so
that 1t will not chalk, crack or peal of. This
paint is acknowledged to be unequalled.
guarantee all work done with It to give salts
faction. R. L. NIXON.
May 81. 1880.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08

ma; I sail s'esp wiz Dsd, 90 know.
Send bod teledraf and tell him |
sail s'eep wiz Him tonight" But
the message went straight up there
without the clicking of wires or the
rustic of wings.-Detroit Chat.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08

"Never put off till tomorrow what
you can do to day." quoted the youth
as he stole the old mans melons
while he was in town buying a shot
gun and a bull dog.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08

President GarfeId's grave, on every
pleasant Sunday, is visited by thou
sands of quiet people. The sentinels
still pace about the vault, the bronze
doors Of which are thrown back, re-
vealing the coffin.
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08

Wisconsin claims baby with six
arms. TennysOn had probably heard
of this curiosity when he wrote his
song, Glands all around"
The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-06-08

There is nothing like advertising ?
We called for street sprinkler last
week and it rained in less than two
days after the paper was out.
The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1882-05-28

that grind II to DUST we had momentarlly checked
the momentum OF the mass which In another moment
would recover Itself and sweep us from the earth but
the time had been gained and at that instant bat
terry left opened, and, pouring few rapid vol
leys into the confused mass, swept II from the ned
and before we had recovered from the shock we
found ourselves among groups Of darmed prisoners,
and bewliderod take In the fact that tho
enemy have somehow disappeared from the plain all
but his dead and wounded, and over their PROSTATE
bodies ring the hearty cheers Of reinforcing troops
This Is the manner and order In which these thlnga
happened, MS have been told by those whose position
made them lookers-on. For who that was an actor
there can give the order or detail the changes Of tho
oventfu and exciting moments following that word
Chargo9' When wo heard neither ban nor she'll
saw comrades fall; when the blood rushed like
fire through tho dlstendcd veins and every faculty
was absorbed In the dcsIro to conquer or to die
no, not to die, for though thoughts Of the Icy King
Of rerrors may for n minute chill the heart OF tho
bravest when tho battle is commencing, and the blood
is cold every fear ot that grim dwcllcr tho TIRES
hold Of eternity Is long since lost In the glorious en-
thuslasm ofaction.
Tho almost fatal attack was ropulsed; but where
was the First Minnesota Had they deserted tho
field for tho nrst tlmo2 This the first idea that
came to my senses, half obvous Of what had passed
hut forty seven mon gathered round tho colort
Great tcavcns Is II possible that the other two hun
dred and ave lilo bleeding under them2 Yes, they
all there within hundred square yards Of Grim
son swarl-two hundred and i've Killed, wounded, and
none missing. Beloved comrades, noble and heroic
martyrs let your Countrymen for all time to come
place this simple list Of figures beside the recorded
losses Of the vauncd light brigade, or Cambronno
immortal guard ut Waterloo, and the comparison viii
forever tell the tale Of your glory, and teach them
that not outside the history Of the late great war need
they 90 for Instances Of devoted courage the
highest record OF heroic daring,
II was indeed the Thermopyp of the Regiment.
our colonel lieutenant, colonel, major and adlutant
all wounded, each moilally, rs was then feared
for all were pierced with more than one ball, which
was the case with most OF the wounded and some Of
corpses perfectly rddcd and few escaped with
out scratch. out OF twenty-one line officers but
ave were Mt for duty. Tho command devolved upon
Capt N. s. Messck, and, as tho senior lieutenant
acted as his adJutant, turning over nye men left OF
my company Of thirtynv that morning, thirteen
being killed and seventeen wounded, to another
llputenant,
The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1882-05-28
GREAT PENNSYLVANIA ROUTE

TO TIIE NORTH WEST, AND SOUTHWEST.
SCENERY, MAGNlFigENT EQUIPMENT
Trains leave Washington, from Station cor Of Sixth
and Streets as follows:
For PittsbuTg and the West, Chicago Limited FE-
press of Pullman Hotel and Sleeping Cara at
b'3O a. m. daily; Fast Line, $3.50 a. m. daily,
with sleeping Cars from Harrisburg to CincIn-
natl; Western Express, 1880 y. M. daily with
Palace Cars TO PlttsbuTg and Cincinnati; Mall
Express, $3.50 p. m. daily for Plttsburg ana the
BALTIMORE AND POTOMAC RAILROAD.
For Canandaigua, Rochester, buffalo, Niagara at
800 7. m. daily, except Saturday, with Palace
For WiamspOrt, Lock Haven, and EmIra, at o;so q.
m, daily, except sunday.
For New York aud the East s. l0'dOa M, 1890, AGO,
$500, aud lO!2Op ON sunday, I;26, $50, and
Limited express of Pullman Parlor Cars, $3.50 a. m.
For Brooklyn, New York. an through trains connect
at Jersey city boats OF 'BToOklyn Annex, -
aGording direct transfer 10 Fulton street, avoid
Ing double feriage across New York city,
For Philadelphia, s, 1890 a. M, 1870, 4:2O, $3.50,
and iO2OP.m, ON Sunday, 4:2O, $3.50, and iO 20
Limited express $3.50 a, m, daily, except Sunday,
For baltimore, $40, $500, s:3O, 1880 a. NJ, and
1880, AGO. 4;iO G32O. 1880, $3.50 and 10: 20 u. m,
on sunday $500 and $3.50 an, ago 10, 5:so'
$3.50, and 1920 y. m.
For Pope's Creek Line 6;40 q. m. and $40 n, IN
daily, except Sunday.
For Annapolis GiiO" M and i'iO p. IN. daily, except
Sunday.
ALIEN NJ bhlh anil hEiEhlIhsBURG RAIL-
WAY AND ALEXANDRIA AND WASHING
TON RAILROAD.
For Alexandria, $3.50, 1920, qi2O IiiOO. lIie5 a. M
4;2O, $500 $3.50, $500, and 1880 pm. ON sunday
$3.50, $3.50, 1890 and Il:25 ~ MI, and q; 90 D. M
For Richmond the South, $3.50 and i25 m daily
and $500 y, m. daily except Sunday.
Trains leave Alexandrlafor Washington O. RAG, Sis
and 10 a. M, 1910. 3, 8, 7, and 9. 20 p. NJ and
~ midnight. ON Sunday at S.l5, S:b3, and 10
%. NJ, and and .. 20 p. m.
Tickets aud Information at tho ONCE northeast
CoruerOf Thirteenth street aud Pennsy yaniA avenue
aud at the station, where orders can he loft for
the checking OF baggage to destination from hotels
and residences.
FRANK THOMSON, General Manager.
j. r. WOOD, den0ralr Passenger Agent.
The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1882-05-28
Proposals.
PROPOSALS FOR STATIONERY.



WAsutNGroN, May IS, 1882.
SEALED PROPOSALS, addressed to the Secretary
Of the Navy, for furnishing Stationery for the Navy
Department. and bureaus and ofces thereof In wash
ngton, during the asca year ending June 20, 1883.
viii DO received until 70 O'Clock NJ Of the 2rh Of
Juno.
Proposals must he submitted on the forms furnished
by the Department, with the guarantee and certlh-
cate annexed and must embrace all tho Items therein
Proposals from parties not engaged In business In
Washington or who have not supply depot in such
city, will not be considered.
Tho schedule embraces two general classes. tst
Paper and Envelopes. I'd. Miscellaneous articles;
aud the contract will be awarded In tho whole or by
classos may he considered tho more advantageous
to the Government.
Tho Department reserves the right to require n
greater less quantity Of any article In the schedule
than that specified, as the wants OF the may
qulro.
needed and must he In accordance with tho Schedule
and satisfactory 20 tho head Of tho oco bureau for
which required; must DO delivered without unneces-
snry delay and ut the expense OF tho contractors In
default OF any uf which requirements the Department
reserves tho riglIt 10 purchase the articles else
where, to annul the contract in whole or In
part and will hold the contractors responsible for any
additional expense II may incur thereby.
The Department reserves the right 10 waive defects
or to reject any OF NIL bids.
No contract viii be awarded under this ADVERTISE
ment until appropriation shall have been made by
Congress for the purchase ot tho stationery required
WILLIAM n. CHANDLER.
mygs.itS Secretary Of the Navy.
The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1882-05-28
PROPOSALS FOR FUEL.



WAsntSGToN, May -, 1889.
SEALED PROPOSALS, separately. for Wood aud
Coal Endorsed and addressed to tho Secretary OF tho
Navy, will be received until IL O'Clock NJ, SATUR-
DAY, June "a, to supply the Navy Department, and
Offices thereof, In Washington, with fuel, viz;
500 tons extra hard Whlte-nsh Furnace Coal,
10 tons Whlte-u ash Nut Coal,
10 tons Red ash stove Coal,
reserving the right to order much moro OF either
Furnace, Stove, or Nut as the Department may re-
quire at the same price.
All the coal TO be OF best quality, free from dirt and
slate, aud Inspected Ivy sworn Inspector ut the cost
of the contractor; 9, 2iO pounds to the ton.
Twenty-Five cords, more or less, Spruce Pine Wood.
Twenty I'VE cords, more or less, Hickory Wood.
All of the wood TO 10 OF the best quality and In
speced by inspector, at the cost Of the con-
tractor.
The Coal and Wood 10 be delivered at the Navy De-
partment ONCE for which required, by the parties
to whom the contract Tor contracs) may he awarded,
In such quantities the convenience OF the Depart
ment may require.
The right to reject any and all bids or to accept
any portion of any bid Is reserved and the success
full bidder will be required to furnish bond In the
sum of two thousand dollars rs guarantee of faith
performance of the contract which may he awarded
him.
No contract will be awarded under this advertise
ment until an appropriation shall have been made by
Congress for the purchase OF the fuel required
WILLIAM T.. CHANDLER.
my2s Secretary OF the Navy.
The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1882-05-28
DRoPosALs FOR FUEL.
UNITED STATES MAXINE CoHPs,
QuARTERMAsrER's OFFICE,

UNITED STATES MAXINE CORPs,
QuARTEnMAsrER's OFFICE,
wAsuISGrON, May l, 1852
SEALED PROPOSALS, IN duplicate, win hs re-
ceiyed at this once until ~ clock NJ. Of SArUR-
DAY, the 10th day OF June next, FOR supplying Wood
and Coal to the United states Marines, at
OF the following stations, from July l. 1889, to June
80, 1889
Portsmouth, NH. Charestown, Mass, Brooklyn.
n. y; philadelphia, Pa; League Island IA,
Washington, ID. O.; Annapolis. Md. Gosport, near
Norfolk, va. Mare island cal and Pensacola, Fla,
third,)
Specifications, with blank proposals, can bo oh
talned upon application at amy OF tho stations named
or at the Onlce OF the QuaTtormaster Washington ID.
g., and Assistant Quartermaster, 226 South Fourth
street. Philadelphia, Pa.
Proposals should be Endorsed "prOpOsais for Fuel -
and addressed 10 the undersigned.
W. u. SLACK,
Major aud Quartermaster u, s. Marine Corps,
my7-it5 Washington, ID. &.