The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-20
HUMOROUS.
Female physicians naturally practice

say, for instance, dog loses bis paw
and rooster loses his nav, does II
make orphans of them?
/. An Arkansas girl refused to marry
her lover unless he performed some
heroic deed. lie eloped with her mo.
ther.
We don't remember who said II, but
here 1t is in all its forcible purity !:
"Truth abides with that nation whose
streams contain the fewest trout"
- The Cincinnati Enquirer says can
editors vacation consists in leaving the
7 sanctum ten minutes earlier than usual
, and taking walk around the block"
: Nothing gives TO the seven-dollar-a-
week clerk SO much the air of princely
opulencc as riding home in hack from
the depot, after two weeks vacation.
"Lic still, Bridget" said Pat 10 his
wife, when the burglar got into the
house; "an' ef the spalpeens foind any
thing, be jabers, Wen get mp and take
it from 'em."
rate" observed the Wilmington News
TO put an arm around her waist
An insane Rochester girl gets out of
bed at midnight and goes to work saw
ing wood in the back yard. Her father
deeply deplores her insanity, but he
always leaves the woodpie handy for
her to get at.
A young man about TO be married
figures that IS per week will support
tho family in luxury and erect five
story building out of his savings in
three years. How many days after the
marriage before he will tumble to bean
| soup?
Travellers all agree that Mormon wo.
men are inexprcssibly homely, but any
one might know that. No woman not
ugly enough to smash a stone jug by
looking at it would consent to put up
with fraction of husband.
yet. What | want is man who does
not drink, smoke, chew, sniff, go out
at nights, gamble, bet, over-eat, etc,
in short, a man with no vices, and one
who is always good" "My daughter"
said Mr.. Dusenberry, "you. are but a
stranger here; Heaven is your home"
81 trust you are putting few pennies
aside in your savings bank" said a
fond father to his son, who was begin
ming to earn money by doing erranls
and odd Jobs. "Not any, pa. Ever
since l saw you shaking out dime
from it have regarded it as blind
pool have no faith in it," That
ended the boys catechism for tha
day.
a New York lady while visiting in
the West had some experience with a
cyclone. While asleep at a friends the
house was blown over and the lady PIN
ned to the ground by heavy rafter,
1t was supposed that she was crushed,
but when they dug her out she opened
her eyes and slccpily murmured, "Jane,
l feel little uncomfortable; unfasten
my corscts.
Two countrymen came 10 lawyer to
consult about bringing a joint suit
against ncighbor. The first granger
began to tell the lawyer the cause of the
trouble, cmbellshing il rather literally.
'Don't tell him any lies, Bill" inter
ruptcd the other. at is his business to
put in the lies. You will get him con-
fused if You go to mixing your lies with
his"
1t was - O'Clock the other night when
she said, between several hardly dis
guised yawns: "You put me in mind
of a corsetmaker." "Why my petT'
he replied, as he remained calmly OBJ
livious to the striking of the clock.
"Becauso you mako Saoh ies's; ei~ys,"
was her answer. He did not remain
after that until the cnvious streaks did
lace the sevcring cast.
A Berks county editor had Just finish
cd an able and lengthy editorial on the
''Physical Degeneracy of Women"
when robust female entered the office
with cart-whip in one hand and
copy of his paper in the other. AS the
editor threw open a window and was
about to spring ont, the woman mod
estly said she mad "brought the lost
whip advertised in yesterdays paper,
and she wanted the fifty cents reward
offered"
The school census of Vinton, Iowa,
shows; Boys, AS; girls, AS. This
looks as though every Jack might have
his Jill in Vinton, and vice versa, every
Jill her Jack; but if you went to Vinton
you would find one fellow monopoliz-
ing the company of half dozen girls,
and girl courted by half dozen fel-
lows, while as many more of either sex
are utterly neglected and pining tor
mate. There is no such thing as cquali-
ty Oh this earth, not even in Vinton,
Iowa.
She Understood.
A woman with Il market basket on
her arm and a bic bOuouct of flowers