The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-07-21
WHY WE LAUGH.
The poster plays truly neutral part dur
ing political campaign-it Is always on the
fence.-Phild. Bulletin. .=

The poster plays truly neutral part dur.
ing political campaign-it Is always on the
fence.-Phita. Bulletin.
As rule of conduct, "honesty is the best
policy" has given place to, 'steal only large
amounts.--LotoeU Citizen. ...
II base ball players, instead of mechanics,
would 60 on strikes, the country could stand
it.--Ne,o Orleans Pieayune.
It Is the opinion of the New Orleans
PicdyuRe that the best remedy for sting Is
to poultice the wasp before he gets to work.
Fogg says be was never baptized, but he
went to church where there was sprinkling
Of sinners In the congregation, and he was
one Of them.
AScranton butcher writes to say that the
only time beef was higher than at present,
was when the COW jumped over the moon
Scranton Republican.
A Boston paper call female swindler can
impostrix." Impostrix is good. Now bring
along "beatrix, }" "loafrix" and "pickpocket-
rix."--Baltimore american.
notice that Ingersoll has lost $4,000 in
worthless mining stocks. It Is very evident
that Mr.. Ingersoll can make mistake him.
self once In while.--Moses.
The Long Branch railroad was "censured"
by the coroner's jnry for killing four men.
II would have been comfort for Guiteau's
neck If he had been railroad.
Here lies man whose earthly race is run;
He raised the hammer of fowling gun,
And blew into the muzzle just because
He wished to know if it was loaded-and 1t
was. -Someruitle Journal.
1t is said that paper can be compressed into
q substance so hard that only diamonds can
scratch 1t. That will be the boss paper on
which to print election tickets. Burlington
Ha,okeye.
Aimee is coming back In the fall. Her
voice is not Is we'll proportioned as 1t used
to be, but what Is better, her ankle retains
all its old time sweetness, compass and pow
er.-Denrer Tribune.
A Maine boy of nine years, sick at the
stomach, threw up small piece Of cloth,
several silver coins, and three pebbles. More
articles are looked for, and some think he
will throw up missing lawn mower.
Who thought it would be very ialeigh
To tie an old stool
To the tail of mule;
But he very soon found out his faleigh.
Chicago Tribune.
"Student" wants to know what kind of q
bird was the dodo From the fact that the
species Is entirely extinct, we suppose 1t was
the tabled spring chicken, of which we hear so
often and see so never.-Burlingt0n HACK
eye.
Three hundred and thirty-six lawyers
spouted In Nebraska on the Fourth. BY the
time they got through pulling the tail feath-
ers and wattles out of the American eagle,
the proud bird of freedom looked like snipe
on toast.-Boomerang.
It's getting so the doctors can rebuild
man as easily as carpenter can box. A
Georgia doctor cut out q mans diseased
liver and put a mules in the place of 1t, and
now the man Is the champion football play
er Of that region.--Boston Post.
"Oh, yes," said the tramp, as tear glist-
ened like gum drop upon his sun-stained
face, al served during the entire war" After
slowing away the comfortable breakfast that
was given him, he finished the sentence: 81
was waiter In Canadian restaurant"
81 think" said fond parent, "that little
Jimmy Is going 10 be poet when he grows
up. He doesn't eat, and sits all day by the
stove and thinks" "You had better grease
him all over" said Aunt Jerusha. HE Is
going to have the measles. That's what ails
Jimmy"
First boy-''My fathers got $1,000, ,0OO."
Second boy-"Well, s'pOse he has? Ee made
II In = little store, and nobody ever heard Of
him or ever will. Now my fathers known
everywhere. He's been called a thief and
blackguard In almost every paper In the
country. He was once up for Office"
The Sultan of Morocco has 3e4 wives, and
only needs one more to have one for each
day In the year. His life Is one grand re-un-
ion, and every day he renews bis acquaint-
ance with thu wife he last met the previous
out in the back yard Of the palace It looks
like dry goods store In an Iowa cyclone
Boome.'ang. ."
A Wicklow magistrate said "When was
In danger from Kerry bull, sat down and
stared him full in the face" "How did 1t
answer ?" queried the breathless bystanders.
Excellent The Kerry didn't offer to touch
me-" every remarkable, very curious.
How do you account for 1t ?" "Weil, some-
times I've thought 1t was because sat down
on the top branch of . very tall tree" said
the magistrate.
She was decked in Haunting jewelry, and
as she sat occupying double room in the car
she looked the perfect picture of self-suffi-
cheney, selfishness and cheek. A bluff look
ing gentleman, evidently from the rural
districts, halted abreast of her seat, but she
did not deign to move. He gave her search.
ing glance, looked at the rings, and remarked
to the nearest gentleman. "They wear 'em
In the snout out In Ohierp--Boston Tram
script.
He was small boy with dirt on his nose
and faded straw hat on his head, and feet
80 long unwashed that 1t was hard to tell
where his toe nails were located. He walk
ed boldly up the steps, pulled the bell, and
when the lady came to the door he said
"Say, can you lend my ma your telephone
for few minutes?" "Why, can't % she
gasped out. "We'll bring It back in half an
hour" "But can't lend 1t, child. You
don't seem to know what telephone Is.
Who are your 1--WE live around the cor
ner-just moved In, and we want to be neigh |
horly. Itried to borrow your wheelbarrow
and shovel, but your boy wouldn't lend 'em
and our hired girls been over to borrow tea |
and sugar and couldn't get any. We kinder
thought we might borrow your telephone or
something and ma would bring II back and |
get chance to see your style, and ask you to |!
rus. right in with your old clothes MP
Detroit Free Press.
Ireland and Egypt.
. NEW YoRK, July THE Tribune prints |
IN interview with Michael Daviti, In which