The Evening critic., 1882-01-23


To prove an alibi it is not necessary fora
man to be Iresent.-New Orleans Picay,sne.
1t is only when an Irishman gets his
choler up that he asks you to tread on the
tail of his coat.-SomerpiHe Journal.
The Harvard students are like widows
they are always trying to take advan-
tage of fresh man.-- Texas Sittings.
1t is better to stand the most pinching
poverty rather than beg-unless you are six
and haven't atrUmp.-GtdsgoD Times.
A little Oil City girl insisted that her
doll should be. veccinated, as it went in
society good deal and might be exposed
Oil City Derrick.
1t is supposed that the reason the sailor
returns after many days is because she was
bred ON the waters. ."-Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
The friends of Julius Cesar believed that
Marc Antony was raven, l. g., a bird of ILL
omen, when he said, "Hear me for my
caws."-Boston Courier.
On the body of George A. Tilton, who
lately committed suicide in Chicago, there
was found diary, in which he said that
he had several times attempted to kill him
self, but had always been prevented in one
way or another. Once he had gone intoa
patch Of woods and made ready to hang
himself, but, the diary continues, "the
mosquitoes were SO darned thick that for
got what I.came there for, and went away"
-Graphic.
The wife of Methodist elder in Maine is
suing for q divorce. His credit is so bad
that when he is away from home she can
not get trusted for $50 much as q red her.
ring" which makes it difficult to feed the
family
Keyhole caution: When man is about
to be told secret he shuts the door. When
it is a woman she opens the door to be sure
no one is listening outside.-French Fun.
A mule at a sherif's sale at Vienna Ga,
brought $780, with the saddle and bride
thrown in.
1t is only right that he who asks for
giveness for his offenses should be pro-
pared to grant it to others.
Eleven thousand tons of ice were sold in
Bangor, Me-, TO New York parties on Tues
day, at 81 .25 per ton, deliverable in July.
The careless man and thief are equally
troublesome. Neither of them ever leaves
anything where he finds it.
A dress coat is the proper garment to
wear at swell dinners. 1t doesn't button in
| front, and gives you chance TO swell.
A reporter, in describing a railway dis
aster, says "This un looked-for accident
came upon the commu nifty unawares."
In one of the five-story houses, built in
flats in Paris, the occupant of the first story
was giving dinner party. The conversa-
tion turned upon the Vienna disaster.
Excuse me- madame" said the waiter
"but there is fire in this house."
"Where 2" "In the fifth story" was the
reply, and the dinner was not inter
rupted.
One of the largest locomotives in the
world was recently purchased by Rhode
Island railroad. When the train stops at
a station the brakeman has to get int
Connecticut to yell out the name of thu
place.
In Paris the chocolate manufacturer
produce great variety of figures in thei
tootbsome mixture, Said a mother TO he
little boy, "If you are very good, Pierre
ON New Years day shall go to Menier'
and buy You Faith, Hope and Charity,
I'D rather have the twelve apostles
replied the greedy little bop,
A manufacturer of hand organs in New
York told reporter: "Just now Ne'
Orleans is my best market, The negroe
have taken 10 playing hand organs, Will
the Italians Have dropped OFF all over th
country, There are not one;fourtb a
many Italian players as wandered abou
the States few aears ago, The Italian
are at work ON railroads and as laborers i
every capacity, They are willing 10 wor
If they can be satisfied that they will
paid for their labor"