The Portland daily press., 1882-06-26
Wit and Wisdom.

One hundred thousand emigrants landed a.
Castle Garden during May, and the arrivals
for the year will reach one million. And yeti
takes you six weeks to find girl to work II
your Kitchen, and she'll only stay three day
then. When anybody tells you there ISM
work and wages for every soul in America
hale him away to the deepest dungeon beneath
the castle moat,-Burlingto Hawkeye.
Those who prepare Hops and Malt Bitter
make no secret of its Ingredients, but publish
them on every bottle. Medical authorities say
that these remedies are all that is claimed TO
them for the cure of Dyspepsia, Debility, In
digestion, Constipation, etc.
An Arizona man has invented a method b,
which he can ut small expense, produce by ar
tihcial means whirlwind. The process vii
hardly come into general use, however, a
most men can produce enough of breeze b.
coming home late nights.-Lowell Citizen.
"Why is Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta
bic compound like the Mississippi river in
spring freshet? Because the immense volum
of this healing river moves with such momen
tuna that it sweeps away all obstacles and
literally flooding the country.
The numerous suits for breach of promise re
Gently instituted against old men by young VIC
men is having its effect. "Miss," said an oil
man in a crowded street car yesterday, Miss
I'll get up and give you my seat If you'll swea
before all these witnesses that you don't con
slider it an offer of marriage. "-Phlladelphi
Chronicle Herald.
sDyspepsia, heartburn, nausea, indigestion
ETC., are always relieved by Browns Iron Bit
tiers.
The tail OF fashions Bile youths coat is very
very short 'But it is not so short in ma
jority of cases, as the fashionable youth him
self-by handsome majority orristowr
Herald.
"Wheat Bitters" never disturb the stomach
but promote digestion and nourishment.
The fiat hat that is so prevalent at this TINT
is liked by the young men who wear it, be
cause they can reach over the edges and hold
on with their ears when the wind blows. Bur
lington Hawkeye.
The unhappy wife who suffers from the pet
ulance and i'll humor of nervous husband
shonld name the real cause in her complain
to the court, or remove that nervousness b.
presenting the defendant with DR.. Benson
Celery and Chamomile Pills.
whats that you're playing?" said New
Haven man to his daughter, who was pound
ing at the piano keyboard with more noise thar
skill. cts Wagnerian, pa; that's the must
of the future, ".Oh, it is, is IL? Let it %
long time in the future before hear any more
of it. Play me Comm through the rye
"Oh, pa, amt you horrid; always thinking
about something to drink Honors are cas-.
in that family.-New Haven Register.
A Significant Fact.
The cheapest medicine in use is THOMAS
EcLEcTRIc On, because 80 very little of it il
required to effect cure. For Group, diphthe
ria, and diseases of the lungs and throat
whether used for bathing the chest or throat
for taking internally or inhaling, it is match
less compound.
They were speaking about cranial deformi
ties down at the corner grocery last evening
81 hold" said a fly young man, "that mar
with big head is just as apt to be burned
fool as man with small head True,
replied an elderly man who was holding dowI
the cover to the sugar barrel, but he gineral
ly knows it and don't give himself away Tn
young man ordered small bottle of spruce
beer.-New Haven Register.
The rich phosphates, eonahinsi Win the pes
lro in RiffarH
greatest blood, brain and nerve food in exist
ence.
Somebody soaped the Lehigh Valley railroa'
at Hazelton and detained large picnic excur'
sion party, thus knocking the picnickers out 9
the pleasure of eating red ants and Sticks Will
their food.-Boston Post.
One month ago it was impossible for me t
get whole nights sleep on account OF m!
back aching; hut now, owing to the Grea
Kidney Remedy, "ELIxER OF LIFE RooT,''
sleep like a top. 1t is truly wonderful medi
cine. VIM. SoULE-
School commandments rage and the gradu
ates are all hard at work writing advice e
statesmen, editors, ministers and other small
fry.-Oil City Blizzard
Write and find out why SO many cultivate'
women use Healy's Vegetable Tonic Pills AM
Cordial See advt. on this page.
CEPHALINE is a positive cure for Dyspepsii
and Chronic Indigestion.
The "preliminaries'' of the occasion had al
been settled. That is, John had asked julia
and she had consented. They were sitting o.
the front yerandah watching for the sable cuI
tain of night to part and give them just on
look at the new comet. ooh, by the way
julia said he, little nervously, my income
is-is-$85O now. Do you think we could liv'