The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-09-29
HUMOROUS.

what is the difference between temp
tation and eternity? One is q vile of
tho devil, the other is a devil of a
while.
The lah-do-dah, cigarette smoking
young man is afIectionately referred to
by the Cleveland Leader as "third class
male matter"
"Why is young man like kernel
of cornF' asked young lady. "Ba-
cause" answered another, ''he ,uras
white when he pops"
If anybody longs TO be millionaire,
it is youth who treats his girl TO soda
water, and then finds he has mistaken
button in his pocket for q dime..
A very popular shade is called stu.
dents blue. 1t is about the color of ID
Harvard mans eyelid after he has been
out late and has had tussle with a
Boston policeman.
1t was Boston lady who described
her faithless lovers mouth as stretch
ing across the wide desolation of hi.
face, the sepulcher OF ice cream and tl,,,
geyser of falsehood."
Ella Wheeler wants us to "sit down
at set of sun and count the things that
we have done" Can't do it, Ella.
That's our busy hour, and, besides, VT
don't care to keep account of 'em. Il
wouldn't pay.
Nothing sn helps newspaper as tlic
imparting of useful information. "How
shall l keep ants out of the suea
bowl?" asks correspondent. "Fii
the sugar bowl with salt" prompt,
responds Texas Siftings.
Yes, my boy, there are 53,2O0,0O0
people in this country. And you ur,
only one of them. Just one. Think If
that, once in a while, when you get t,
wondering what would happen to tie
world if you should die.
a scientific journal tells us tha, y
little bird, the redtail, has been seen 10
catch 100 flies in an hour. Science j. +.
great thing. II gets round TO giving
rs this information when fly-time is
past and it's no use TO buy redtail.
Never marry a lawyers daughe'
She inherits the habit of cross question.
principle a man should never marry az
editors daughter, because she is almost
certain to put display head on him.
We are informed that in "best soci-
ety." jelly "is now carried to the mouh Il
OH fork" Well, if "best society" laq
been in the habit of carrying jelly to ib.
mouth with the fingers ii is about time
change was made. They will fi,d
forks very useful article when the,
ct used to them.
| A new drama brought out in LondO,
contains drunkenness, a wedding, ,,
forgery, murder, a railway collisio
a financial panic, "A riot tho wrecking
a bark, starvation, and arson. ~.
author evidently thought hc had intr.-
duced all the crimes in the catalogu
but he forgot the River and Harbo,
Bill.
"My frens,' said the ofliciatir
clergyman at the marriage of two CO
ored persons ucar Cincinnati a fc'
Sundays ago; ''my irons, it am SCI
QUO thing to got married, Special
when bofc the parties is orphants a,
haint got no parients to fall back on,
am de present case
1t is reported that Barnnm has mair
an offer to Oscar Wilde for the latter ,n
sit ON top OF Jumbo and ride in the
street professions. If, instead of Wilde
sitting on the elephant, Jumbo were To-
sit on Wilde, the result would be Nor,
satisfactory to the people, and i,
wouldn't hurt Jumbo much.
An honos, old wood-sawvcr, who.
wife was the cause of consideral, 4,
! a.~..i.so rffui, met frIouu
street, snd referring 10 his better halt,
| .~'s>. .'N.---r',!I -vuUugn ~ eat mel
And then somewhat hesitatingiy tlr
old man continued: "And now | wi
to the Lord had eat her.
The correspondent of the Pittsbur.
Dispatch at Wheeling, ". Va, writes
''For the last few days, at intervals oi
some hours, stones of all kinds have
been falling in shower in Marion coun-
ty, on the cast fork of the river" The
name of the man on the east fork of the
river who is having trouble with his
mother-in-law is not given.
Did you ever see woman mail a
letter? She will undertake to drop it
into the box then she draws it back and
scans the directions; tries the stamp to
see that it is on fast; scrutinizes the
gummed side and runs her fingers over
it once or twice; then gives it one or
two sudden Jerks which sends it rapid
ly into the box. She then peeps in to
see if it went through.
Ap Oil City man and wife had been
| tall,iun ahOut tho racovarV Of Tho rn.