The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-12-01
HUMOROUS.

then set her down and milk her, and ho
can't tote the milk"
A Chicago man has invented cast
iron tableware that looks just like por-
celain, ard is in ecstacies when he sees
a servant girl drop half dozen cups and
shrek with horror at observing their
failure to break.
New York and Ohio people carry
horse tchestnuts in their pockets TO
ward off the rheumatism. It is more
convenient than TO hang q cabbage
around the neck.
A New York pastor who is given TO
bursts of fgurativc eloquence says that
this country is bounded on the north
by an iceberg and ,on the south by
banana. e..
Lots wife looked back-probably to
see what some other wife had on-and
she became a pillar of salt. If such
acts were to be followed by such fear
ful results today, there would not be
fresh woman in the world.
De shanghigh chicken'minds me ob
certain men dat Use seed. He crows
mighty loud am brags nroprdymeng de-.
hens am yocng chickens; but when
game rooster is aronnd, ,he's got bust
ness on de udder side OBJ de fence.
A Georgia boy stole $500 horse and
sold it for 81. That boy deserves to be
put in prison. If he had stolen 81
horse and sold it for $500 it would have
indicated natural talent for business
which should have been encouraged;
but his lamentable failure deserves pun.
ishment,
A country exchange would like to
know why dogs shave heas. 1t is purely
a question of size and does not affect
the moral standing of the dog. If the
fieas were big enough, and the dogs
small enough, it is more than likely that
tho fieas would have the dogs, ANY
student of phlebotomy can understand
this.
A Berks county editor had just finish
ed an able and lengthy editorial on the
Physical Degeneracy of Women"
when robust female enrered the Office,
with cartwhip in one hand and copy
OF his paper in the other. AS the editor
threw open a window and was about.
to spring out, the woman modestly said
she had "brought the lost whip advert.
sed in Yesterdays paper, and she want
ed the fifty cents reward ofIered.''
1t is related that Sc cretary Eyaits
was once one of a party who were visi-
ting the Natural Bridge in Virginia.
AS is usual, after tarrying at the top
they descended and viewed the wonder
from below. While there the story
was told that George Washington had
once stood there and thrown a silver
dollar completely over the bridge.
Some of the party pooh-poohed this
assertion, but Mr.. Evarts grayely rebu.
hfuch farther a dollar went in those
days"
A chicken at Alliance, Ohio.
went TO roost upon the axle of
freight car. During the night the car
was attached to a train, and when the
feathered biped descended from his un-
steady perch he failed to recognize the
scenes of his childhood. lie was in
Lima, Ind, and the man in whose
garden the fowl went to scratching got
into fight with the whole neighbor-
hood by accusing evrybody of owning
The bird.
An exchange has good story about
a German lady who, not feeling as well
as she liked, went to consult physici-
an. "Well," said the doctor, aner
looking atiher tongue, feeling her pulse,
and asking her sundry questions, 81 -
should advise you, yes, should advise
hem Ito get married" care
you single, doctor?" inquired the fair
patient, with significant yet modest
smile. 81 am, mein Fraulein, but il
is not etiquette, you know, for physic-
isns to take the physic they prescribe"
A story is told of German who,
while shaving, accidentally cut of his
nose. In his excitement he dropped
his razor and decapitated one of his
toes. Hastily picking up the dis
portions of his anatomy, he
clapped them to the bleeding wounds,
and bound them on tightly. After the
flesh had grown fast and healed up he
removed the bandages aud was filled
with horror when he found well de-
Veloped toe in lieu of a nasal organ,
and vice versa. Now whenever he
gets cold he has TO remove his shoe
md stockings in order to blow his
nose.
A man was carrying coon he Lad
caught, when he met three little boys
n the road, all of whom said ex-
;itedly, "Mister, give ms the coon,
mister" "Well, boys, I'll tell you
what will do. Ifyou Wilt me the
party you belong to and why, I'll give
/ to the boy who gives the best reason
for his faith" "rm Republican, be-
cause that party saved the Union,"
said one. w'm Grecnbacker, because
hat party is in favor of plenty of
Whom the time of the third
BOY came he said: "I'm Democrat,
cauee want tho coou.o