Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-09-16


From the Brooklyn Eagle.
my name is Smith," said tall countryman,
entering the city editors room.
"Glad to hear you have such widely known
and usually respected cognomen," said the
editor.
Eyes, my name is Smith," repeated the cour-
tryman, slowly sliding into chair, and gazing
thoughtfully out the window. "You see I've
just been over to Jersey to the convention. Big
time over there. Never met so many relatives
in all my life. Three thousand Of 'em plump
there. Every man a Smith. 1 tell ye we're
rOusn big family, we are. No nonsense bout
the Smiths, neyther. could see that, an had
darn good chance ter Judge 'em. Every one
O that three thousand JUS got right down ter
business at once. Drew up lot O. resolutions,
an after business went In fur q high old time.
We had you bet. / was introduced till
couldn't stand up, un so was the rest O. the COM
pany Every time was introduced the other fell
low would say: Let's smile, or Let's have
ball. or somthin' o. that sort Well, We know
didn't exactly understand the fust two or three
fellows, but it didn't take me a very consider
able time ter find out what they was up to.
always said yes after that, an 1 always took
apple lack. That seemed ter be the most inno-
cent lookin' drink gOin' round-least wise it
looked most like water, but bless your soul, it's
the most deceivin' stuff you ever see. Yes. it's
just lightnin but the Smiths seemed to take ter
it like babies, an 1, bein' Smith, didn't want
ter let go my end O. Their saw. knew what
was adoin'. / could feel it a creepin' down inter
my legs and buzzin' around in my head, but 1
wasn't agoin' ter cave with three thousan' rela-
tives standin' round takin' me in. Some O. the
other fellers seemed to be O. the same mind as
was, fur noticed they didn't shirk the pizon'
stuff no more nor did. Well, we gan ter get
kinder mixed all round. Did you ever drink
apple jackl"
"Never touch anything" said the editor
"Well, apple jack is right there every tme,"
said the countryman, IAN it just took hold on
our entire family. You never see such a mixin'
up of Smiths afore in all your life. We was
tangled up more nor a modern bank cashiers
accounts, and we amt unraveled yet"
Glow Is that?" asked the editor.
"Well. you see, we spent q whole day tryin'
to sort ourselves out, and the more we tried to
arrange things the more trouble we fell inter
You see, we was all Smiths and that mixed up
the hull business. We couldn't say who was
which. l dunno whether I'm myself, or my third
cousin, or. perhaps, somebody elses brother. I'M
that's the way with the hull crowd. We started
Every other man was John Smith, un' we couldn't
begin ter place 'em. Then come the EbeneZ-
Ears. There was more EbeneZZars than you
could count in month. Then the Jameses and
the Georges un'-why, bless your heart, it's just
terrible. Yer don't get me ter no more family
gatherns."
But you surely know your own name?" said
the editor.
81 did, but don't no MORE" said the coun-
tryman, with a sigh. "If I'm who was when
l left hum, l belong out In York state but
may be somebody else I'M then dunno where
live. was sorted out with the Jameses; then
somebody swere l was John, I'M afore knew
it they had me over with the Richards. 1 tell
We that applejack JUS finished up the hull Smith
tribe UNI no mistake. Now, JUS come in ter
get your advice in the matter. If go hum un'
find live somewheres else why I'm left, I'M If
don't go hum where do lve?"
81 Give 1t up" said the editor.
"Then you can't give me no advices"
"Tm afraid your case is hopeless"
well, now. you JUS bet 1 don't go to no
more family gatherns, SO longs I'm Smith"
said the countryman, backing out the door and
walking in dazed way downstairs