Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-12-12
IDEAL JGURNAI.IsM.
A Candid Musical Critic or Deck ri
LRst-t he Frozen Truth

A candid critic on a country journal having
been detailed to write up musical perform
ance. forgot and wrote up the concert just as it
| occurred:
GRAND CONcERT.-The regular annual exh-
biton of good clothes and bad music, that has
grown to be feature of the musical world in
Shawneetown, came off last evening at the
Opera House. Every seat in the hall was taken.
for our patient community has become accus-
toned to this affection. and submits to it with
out a murmur four or five times a year, very
much as they take quinine in the spring.
Those people who came stamping in late as
usual. after the Shawneetown STYLE. are to be
congratulated this time as they escaped hear
ing the Carton Quartet" sing Here in Cool
Grot." 1t is due to the Carton Quartet" how
| ever. to say this was not the worst singing of
the evening. The audience thought it certainly
would be the worst and so. indeed, it was,
until later in the evening the same quartet
hutchered "Come Where My Love Lies Dream
ing" 1t was dreadful beyond description and
the deatening applause which followed it only
testified the great Joy of the audience on being
assured that the "Aron Quartet" would sing no
more that evening
Il a.
tive and an aria, by Cappola. in the manner
that has long ago become so sadly familiar
10 our suffering people. and is ALWAYS a source
OF prOfoand embarrassment to the accompanist
who fiOundercd along last night in the patient
put vain nope OF getting even with the singer
somewhere by scrambling across-iOts and head
ing her off in some unusually prolonged run.
But this was impossible and singer and ac-
compartment were never within six bars of
each other during the whole of the alleged per-
fornance Mr.. Poundawa. the time-honOred
accompanst in all these affairs by the way. did
even worse than usual last evening We are
panied to notice that his habit of playing on the
edge OF the piano. two inches away from the
Keys. grows upon him, and he should either
change his drink or his vocation
Mrs. Bangalong played Monastery Bells" as
usual. 1t was disguised under French name
IN the programs: but every one knows what is
coming after Mrs Bangalong finally gets the
piano moved into precisely the right place
wlch Is always just where it stood before she
mad 1t moved the first time-and after seating
herself for the tiftieth time finally concludes to
remain seated. Mrs. BangalOng's unvarying
habit of wearing her gloves to the piano and
occupying seven minutes in removing them is
not an af1ectation. 1t is an act of mercy and
gives the people nearest the door an opportunity
TO slip out before she begins to play. The
reporters OF the city press used to go out at this
time: but since Bangalong has taken to standing
at the door to watch refugees. they have. with
the CUSTOM and silently swallowed their full
cup of misery. AS Mrs. BangalOng left the stage.
J0hn Garbey, who was asleep in the gallery, fell
OH his chair and mistaking the noise for an
encore, Mrs: Bangalong returned and pounded
out the ''Maden's PRAYER Somebody ought
to kill that man Garbey
p a "prof-n snowpost played a violin solo-De
full that he didn't try the eighth The professor
dresses like waiter, and handles a fiddle like
q Ss do Shn
mand at all the dances down at Wyseker's
Branch and the Sassafras Bottoms, and it is be-
lieved, in fact, that ali his musical education
was acquired at Dan COsenans store at the old
fora, on Clymer,s Creek. He is trying to getup
a class in this city. and if this man attempts to
teach our boys to play the fiddle as he does, he
ought to be lynched.
Miss Uppercea played the same old "impro-
visation'' she began playing in these concerts
eighteen years ago. 1t lasts about as we'll as
time she had it published and improvised some
thing new.
Jim Thurlow came out and sang his unchang-
ing "Ah. SO Fair" The agony of the audience
during this time of trial was fairly insupport-
able. His high notes are greatly admired. be-
cause his voice always breaks into thin fall
settO squeak on Them and he can't make so
mucn noise as he can on his chest tones. If
Jim had been born dumb. or his audience deaf.
the world would be much happier.
The only excuse for putting Miss MaItby on
the program every time there is a concert in
Shawneetown is that her father is worth $4,000
and owns TIE biggest brewery in Lowell
county. with voice, musical education and
general ability about her up to the grade of
Baby Mine" she sung her old standby last
night. the 'Spinning Wheel Song from
Faust" If Marguerite could have sung it as
Miss Maltby sang it. it would have saved the
poor child world of trouble. 1t would have
scared Faust MephisfOpheles. and the whole gang
hA mfr f,,
In MIR. Maltby's bung-starters than there is in
his daughter.
Mr.. Bellows sang ooh, Ye Tears" Mr.. Bel
lows has rich baritone vOice-a wheelbarrOw
tone, that is. Unfortunately for his effort last
evening, nobody knew he was singing until he
finished the butchery of art and bowed himself
OIL the stage. Everybody thought he was Just
trying his voice. If ever his voice is tried, it
Will be convicted on it's own evidence.
James H. BlOwson and Ebert Haflt sang
"Larboard Watch" 1t is great pity these
young men are not aware that their mouths
were made to catch flies with rather than for
singing. Hafut's voice is so like fOg-hOrn that
he Inlay be pardoned for a tendency to sing ma
rlne songs; but aside from plea Of natural de-
praVlty and hendish msanthrOpy there is no ex-
cuse whatever for BlOwsons attempting to sing
In public. These misguided young men were
down on the program for a second atrocity, but
it was omitted at the urgent request of the au-
dience.
iingling old harpsichOrd from the music store OF
Jingle. Jange Il Co. that has appeared for a
free puff at ali local Outrages of q musical ma
ture in the last twenty years. Last winter this
enterprising house traded off the old dulcmer
tor silver watch; but the man who got the
alleged piano brought it back, paid 81 forfeit.
and got his watch. and we suppose all future
concerts In Shawnectown will be haunted by
this venerable nightmare until the police inter
fere
Our readers will be delighted to learn that
this is the last concert of the season, and a man
can 60 to the opera house in safety TOR the next
six months.
The receipts of the pandemonium were over
$780, and old Hardwich, proprietor of the hall,
with his accustomed rapacty, gobbled nearly
one fourth of that sum for the use of an old
barn that looks shabby in comparison with a
second rate market house. Six of the thickest
headed young men in Shawneetown, in bor-
rowed dress coats, acted as ushers. and acted
most wretchedly at that. Taken altogether, it
was the drearest occasion that has bored long
suffering community since the concert that pre-
coded it.