davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

Here is a Man who has Just Stopped
his Paper. What Miserable looking
Creature he is, He looks a. if he had
been stealing Sheep How viii he Know
what is going on,now that he has stop
ped his Paper? lie will Borrow his
Neighbor's paper, One Of these DAYS
he will Break his leg, or be a Candidate
for office, and theu the paper will Say
nothing about it That will be Treatina
him just Right, will it not, little children
-DenUer Primer.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05


There has been in existence in Eng
land for many years a periodical called
the Ne'o Noon, the contributors of
which are inmates of luuatic asylums.
AS a rule, the articles display marked
ability, and no one would suppose that
the writers were suffering from mental
alteration. On one occasion the editor
of the Ne,c Moon received compliments
from several subscribers that the contents
of the journal, although well enough in
their way, were lacking in distinctive
flavor, and did not betray their origin; so
in the neXtnumber ne gave free play to his
refractory contributors There appeared
astounding political revelations paper
on evolution, with woodcut illustrations
of the shape of the human soul at differ
cnt ages; the designs of machine to
facilitate bodily ascension into heaven
in the manner of Elijah and the first
canto of an epic, which, was not utterly
incoherent, anticipatory of Alice inIWo on
dcrland One number of this character
was sufficient The discontened subscribers
expressed themselves satisfied, and beg
ged that they might have no more of
B dlum broke loose in prose and verse.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

How PRINTING AFFECTS TIE HEALTH
Years ago there was Il notion prevalent
among those who were but partially in
formed upon the question that printing
business was essentially detrimental to
health. There was n tradition about the
absorption Of poison 'front.' the constituents
of which type metal was composed. This
was, and is, true in so far as it asserts
the poisonous nature of some of the con
stituent parts of type metal; but that
these poisons should necessarily be alb
sorbed into the system Of one who
handles type is simply absurd. Printers
who have such habits Of cleanliness and
sobriety as a decent respect for ones self
and the opin ons of others might be eX
pected TO dictate, may follow their call
ing for years, without experiencing any
further damaging effects upon their
health than what will result from close
application 70 any sort of hard work.
More 'poison" is absorbed by the printer
when taking observations of his little
finger through the bottom of glass than
any other Chicago Specinl en-.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

Lament of the statesman: We should
think that after man had been Secre-
tary of the Treasury for three or four
years, and hal occasionally dumped
fifty millions of dollars into Wall street
to relieve the money market, and had
called in twenty million skies at one time
and bought two million of bonds every
week, and dish rsed eleven millions one
week and eighteen millions the next, we
should think it would hurt him awfuly
to 90 back into bis law office when the
administration changed and make out an
abstract of farm away out in Buck.
shaw county and sell it for an old WON
an down in kickapoo to an old fellow
out in Wankiudaw settlement and onl,
got fee of $32, aud have to wait fout
months for thai and then have to take
sorrel colt for that-1thibmed to Ia
Secretary JVNdom.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

For diseases Of the nerves, brain, blood
and lungs a superior medicine to all 9TH
ers il Browns Iron Bitters.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

Not long since family moved into a
house on Austin Avenue. After week
or so, a friend of the family called on
them and asked them how they liked the
locality, "Prelty well" "Haye you
called on any of the neighbors YETI" No,
but I'm going to if there is any more of
my frewood missing. - 7eras SiJtiags.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05
Peaches.

That luscious fruit, the peach, is slilely
to be as scarce next season as it was this
year. Many trees that were badly fro
zen last winter were cut off with the
expectation that new tops would grow
upon Them They rapidly recovered dur
ing the early summer, bnt their growth
was checked by the drought so that few
buds were formed on the new tops. The
yield from such trees will fall off eighty
per cent Trees that survived the sever
ity of last winter budded late, and their
growth was feeble The buds which,
usually appear before frost are shrivelled.
1t is thought that the drought has af-
fected all kinds of fruit trees so serious
ly that the pros ccts for the season of
1882 are discouraging The extraordin-
ary dryness of the air, has prevented the
formation of fruit buds. Horticultursts
will do what they can to alter these CON
ditions by mulching and manuring.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05
GRFAT GERM DESTROYER.
DARE FS
PROPilILACTIC FLUID |

?i.t:ng Of SMALL
TX Prevented.
Ulcers purified and healed
.Gangrene prevented and
cured.
Dysenu-rN cured.
WOuni~ healed rapidly.
Scurvcy cured Ia sh at
time.
.Tetter dried up.
It Is perfectly harm less
For sore throat it's u sure
cure.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05
5{E,Qual01tiisul

Ncural%'H, Svrains,
Pain Ia the Back and Side.
There Is nothing more painful than thess
diseases; but tl" la an be removed and
the disease cured y. us q! Perry Davis
Pain IiiIler.
This remedy IL not u cheap Benzine
or Petroleum product that must he kept
away irom lire or heat To avoid danger
of cHi' iO,iOH, nor Is IL an untried experi-
mcnt Chat may do more harm than good.
Pain Nil,cr has been in constant use
for forty years, and the universal testimony
from all parts Of the world is, II never
fails. It not only effects permanent cure,
but 1t relieves pain almost instantaneousy
Being purely vegetable remedy, II Is safe
in the hands of the most inexperienced.
The record OF cures by the use OF PAIN
KILLER would I'LL volumes The following
extracts from letters received show what
those who have tried It think:
Edgar Csdy, owatonna, Mimi, says:
About yer since my wife became subject
resort was TO the PAIN KILLER. which speedily
Charles Powell writes from the Sailors
Home, London:
/ had been afflicted three years with h hneyralgia
at Westminster Hospital gave up my case in
despair. l tried your PAIs KILLER and It gave
me immediate relief. / have regained my
strength, and am now able to follow my usuh
occupation.
@. H. Walworth, Saoo, Me-, writes:
/ experienced immediate relief from pain In
- the side by the use Of your PAIs KILLER.
E. York says:
Ihave used your PAIN KILLER for rheumatism.
and have received great benefit.
Barton Seaman says.
Have used PAIN KILLER for thirty years.
and have found it neUerJaiiing remedy for
rheumatism and lameness
MIR. Burditt writes:
Itneuer fails to give relief in cases Of rheumatism.
Phil. Gilbert, Somerset, Pa, writes:
From actual use, | know your PAIN KILLER
is the best medicine can get
All druggists keep PAIN KILLER. It's price
IS so low that 1t is within the reach OF all,
and 1t Hill save many times its cost in doctors
byS 25c., SOC. and SI.OO q bottle.
FERRY DAVIS & SON, Propdetora
Providence, n. I.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

COntaBlOn ucSlTO1 Gu.
Sick Rooms purllied ard
made pleasant.
Fevered and sick persons
relieved and refreshed
by bathing with Prophy-
laetic,Fluld added To the
water.
Soft White Compilations
secured by It's use In
bathing.
Impure air made har n
le Is and purified by
sprinkling Daroy's Fluid
about.
To purify the breath,
Cleanse the Teeth, II
can't be surpassed.
Catarrh relieved and
cured.
Erysipelas cured.
Burns relieved Instantly
Scars prevented.
Removes all unpleasant
ndnr1
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05
KIDNEY COMPLAINT CURED.

B. Turner, Rochester, n. Y. writes:
Il have been for over year subject to
serious disorder of the Kidneys and often
unable to attend to business. pro-
cured your Burdock Blood Bitters and
was relieved before half bottle was
used. | intend to continue, as l feel
confident that they will cure me" Price
81 co. trial size 10 cents.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

4 SMALL TEX |.
] ERADICAT D. (
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-01-05

Mr. Thomas Lewis, G2 Butler street,
informs us that for seven years he was
afflicted with that dreadful malady,
Sciatica, and being induced to try St.
Jacobs Oil, found almost immediate
relief therefrom, and is now perfectly
cured.
The Star route men have had seven
lawyers to pay for the last six months,
and many people are beginning to think
they are punished enough.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1882-09-27
AZ
WA RIETIES.

~ An editor offered So for the bo.,
written love letters. There &C.
some people who would rive mone
IMAM that to get back some. thew hauo
written. IVY nave
Yes" said the farmer, abarbaa
wire fence is expensive, but the h; ped
man doesn't stop and rest for five
minutes CD the top of it every timo
he has to CLIMB it, ''ie
1t Is customary, in some localities
70 teach children to think of a ,aw,
- tney drcf their pieces of money in
20 the contribution box. A cena;n
HUI lt'1le glri at Sunday school, recently.
=, saw me- Inc box approaching, and began
20 search in her memory for a teS,
one nesltated few minutes. dronnoJ |
Tue dime IN the box and exclaimed
Iriumphantl7; "a TOOL and his moneu
are soon parted" "0"ey
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1882-09-27

- munster was travelling along q
country road in Scotland one daT "a
winter riding rather a Ione Ioa ~
mo,se' ana ne himself dressed in ra,b
er an odd-looking cap and laroe cam am
let CLOAK when a gentleman c anu
.,s so, 'idlng a fine horse, which
scared" at the preacher and b;a
m morse :., We'll, SIR said the GENTLE les
.. %So, ye wud scare the vera dell, sir, ),
mats my business, sir,o said IL tho !
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1882-09-27

bRlGHT's DISEASE of the KidDans
DiaDetes and other Diseases of tbe ~. p
neyS and Liver, which you are heinz ar' ~
irlgntened about, Hop Bitters is thes 81 80
~ 1nlng that will surely and perm u1lU nj
~ prevent and cure. All otbe~ ,n.".ni5
ca cures only relieve for a time and tba,,
make you many times worse anu men
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1882-09-27

% = low tar Is it to Manayunk?' ask
ca weary lrishman, who was oa 1SA
r rneIe a'o4t; Seven miles," was ibe
reply Whom do You wish to s sne
!, mere r. Faith it's myself I'd loit
70 see there" was the retort DIT 5TiH
o1ezohi0 QMg. ~
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1882-09-27

a. r9st, brilliant and fashionable oro
LIZ sne Dlamond Dye colors. One nacka "re
any color. '' Ao cents for
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
slug River.
Boston Transcript.

First class in geography standup. Where
is the Slug river? at is situated in
Keifer's district, and has been improved at
a cost of 81, 723, s65.5S. 1t is noble stream,
navigable by the largest sized peanut
shells, but will have to be improved again
next year if the district is to be carried
solid. Hubbelrs circulers do not abound
on its banks, and the principal occupation
of the inhabitants is to hold foreign consul
lAtesn
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
THE BUSINESS SITUATION.

Within few weeks a radical change
has come over the financial and COM
mercial situation. The improvement
In the condition Of the crops has infused
confidence into all classes, and an i'm
provement Is observable in the various
manifestations Of trade and commerce.
Money continues to be abundant at ali
the money centres, but short loans OF
loans on call are taking the place OF
long loans. This fact indicates the sp-
proach of activity in the money
market, caused by the annual
drain for the purpose Of NOV
ing the great crops of the eoun-
try. Before the end of next month
the northwest will need no little money
to move its wheat crop, and the de-
mands Of the South on account Of cot
ton shipments will follow closely after.
AS there will undoubtedly be q great
deal of both crops to sell, the demand
for money upon the eastern cities will Of
course be as considerable as it ever has
been, and this will doubtless result in
more or less stringency before the first
of September. Our foreign trade is,
however, picking up, and each week
hereafter will doubtless show
larger shipments. Last week 100000
more bushels of wheat were exported
than were sent out the preceding week;
aud so it will continue to be, and there
will therefore be no drain except to the
interior.
1t is not probable that the drain will
affect values, or interfere with trade
prospects. 1t might do so if the outlook
were less bright. The crops may be
said to be good without exception.
True, some would have US think the
corn crop will be short-that under the
most favorable conditions it cannot eX-
coed 1,5OO,OOO,OOO bushels; but
hot August and late fall
can do a great deal in the corn fields,
and it will not be astonishing if the crop
exceeds that of 1850. Cotton is another
crop that is not free of uncertainties, but
the best observers regard good average
crop as very nearly assured. Nor is this
all. These crops that we are producing
beyond home requirements, will be
taken by the outside world at good
prices.
Egypt will this year have a surplus
neither of cotton nor of wheat; Australia
is afflicted with drought; in Russia
large wheat districts are turning out
poorly, and the crops Of England and
France will be below an average, even
If the weather is hereafter fine. The
west and south will, therefore, not only
have the benefits of bOuntiful harvests,
but also of good prices for all they have
to sell. This simply means general
prosperity-prosperity for the farmers
and therefore of the merchants, for the
railroads, and for the vast body of mid
dlRmen. Good and rising prices, busy
factories, active trade, and general de-
Yelopment are all involved in the boom
that begins, as all hottest booms do
begin, in the soil and the toll Of men.
The trade prospects of 1882 are just as
good as those of 1880, and this is saying
a good deal. Let us hope, however,
that speculation will not run riot this
year as it did in 1880.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

GOVERNOR FOSTER, of Ohio, is un-
derstoOd to be managing the opposition
to the return of Speaker KEIFER to
Congress. FOSTER has not always cleo
trifed this country with his common
sense, but he will deserve some credit if
he has undertaken to lay out KEIFER.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

THE hot weather has struck Congress
at last, and the result is that it is put
ting aside those bills embracing essen
tial legislation with the purpose of hur-
rying an adjournment. None of the
jobbery bills are neglected, however.
This is great Congress.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
The Diaereaf Prices.

II costs different prices in different States.
In Massachusetts, man Rugged two women
and il cost him $40. A Brooklyn man
kissed an unwilling damsel and got of By
paying only S., while out in Iowa it cost a
5000 for kissing his cook. Come West,
young woman. Come West and grow up
9Th fba connfry
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
Give the Ribs aChAnee.
pAsl,,,IeloAia Prsss-

An enthusiastic Arkansas bridegroom
caught his bride in his arms Immediately
after the ceremony, and gave her such a
hug that he dislocated two of her ribs. He
passed the honeymoon nursing the poor
lady, and, having paid the doctors bill, 1t
Is TO be hoped he viii take fresh start and
give the ribs chance.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
vigorous ia its Manhood.

The Wheeling REeIsrER, one of the ablest
Democratic papers in the country, has
passed its minority and is now old enough
to vote. Its energy and enterprise are
worthy of the vigorous manhood into
which it has grown, and We hope it may re-
tain its health and yigor into green old
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
senator Davis as a Farmer.

The Hon. H. G. Davis in addition to his
other numerous business engagements, is
also a practical farmer, and this year there
has been cut and cured upon his Deer Park
farm upwards of 800 tons of hay. Iwish
some OF your farmer readers could see his
drove of Northampton Alderney COWS. l
have drank the cream, as we'll as Of the but
ter milk, and know whereof write. The
cream cuts like butter, and tastes As sweet
as the fragrance of new mown hay smells.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
Our Meadow Streams.


There appears to be only one State
which had no creeks large enough to de-
mand an appropriation in that miscellane-
Gus bundle of pure charities called the
River and Harbor Bill. Nevada, after a
diligent search, was found to be utterly
lacking in streams that needed deepening
at the National expense. West Virginia
also had a close call, but some little mead
ow streams were found which were over
grown with alders sufficiently to retard the
use of setting poles for canoe navigation,
and an appropriation was added to clear
them away. Alders grow pretty fast, and
by careful nursing the enterprising West
Virginia statesman may succeed in cultiva-
ting this branch OF navigation sufficiently
to warrant yearly appropriation.
l HAD Chronic Catarrh badly. took
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
Have Work Enough without That.

1t is said that the Wheeling REGISTER
will soon commence to issue Sunday Edi-
ton. The managers OF the REGISTER are
always up and doing everything to make
their paper popular, and it is probable that
the report will prove to be true.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

JOSEPH WILSON, Of Brooke county,
this State, threshed 164 bushels and II
pounds of wheat off AZ acres last Mon
day, an average of 500 bushels per acre.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

1t is generally conceded that the destruc-
ton of Alexandria is Pharaoh-ful affair,
P. S.-As we have said before, we charge
nothing extra for these little ebullitions.
Our subscription price remains the same.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

THE most formidable rings are those
to which the people belong. They
sweep things before them. Politicians
who get up rings should always include
the people. 1t is the only safe plan.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

THE Virginia duelist ought to use the
toy pistol. 1t Is deadly weapon, war
ranted to produce fatal case of lock-
jaw in from ten to fifteen days after use.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
The Daily Register

Is a S2-column folio, Is printed on beautiful
minion and nonpareil type, and a Hoe four
cylinder press In politics II is independently
and progressively Democratic, but II Is as
local and State newspaper that II claims pre-
cedence. 49,,
The proprietors OF the REGISTER are deter
mined that IL shall maintain Its position as
The leading paper OF the State-fairnom
IndeI DENY
II is really the only daily newspaper in the
State-C IdrksbUrg telegram (Rep.l
THE REGISTER deserves credit for us enter
prise Wheeling Daily Intelligence (RepD
Let our great Democratic Daily receive
hearty support. II is an honor 10 our State
Anderson Enterprise (DeIn.)
1t Is excelled by no paper In the state Tor
ability and enterprise.-Nep MdTtinSt1tIe Mes
Senger. 4.
The people OF West Virginia have reason to
be proud Of The Wheeling REGISTER. II Is Tar
ahead OF any paper published In the old state.
-Mountdin Herald.
The Wheeling REGISTER covers the neld OF
news with thoroughness that makes II rank
with the large dailies OF the great cities. I'M
proves with age, and grows more enterprlslng
every year.-Mdrtin'S Ferry Times.
The Wheeling REGISTER may now be con-
sidered the leading newspaper OF this section,
as in proprietors spare no expense In giving
its readers each day all the general and local
news OF the country and State.-f"n-Hondte
Nc,rS,
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
CURRENT COMMENT.

Not This Year. but Some Other Year.
Boston Post.
Looting may have ceased at Alexandria,
but il hasn't at Washington.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
III f
Weekly Register

Contains 6I-columns of matter, each column
in each issue is devoted to advertising.
A COPY Of the model Map of West Vir-
ginia, lin size 36x+ inches, sent to every SUBJ
scriber of the Weekly REGISTER.
Price Of paper and map SLIGO.
LEWIS BAKER 81 CO.,
PUBLISHERS,
WHEELING, w. VA.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29
NOTICE TO SUBSCRIBERS

The date prhated on the t0rapper Of
eachpaper denotes the time rOhen he sub
scrsption erpires.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

No Extra Charge.

The eastern question-where was Moses
when John Bull rushed out?
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-07-29

l HAD Chronic Catarrh badly. | took
Peruna. am very much better. J. Will
Jams, Midway, Pa.
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1882-03-24
A stockton Bigamist,

STOCKTON, March 23.-The case Of
The People ". E. ]. Grippe 10 exciting
great interest here. Defendant 10 charged
with marrying one Madge Moore while
he had q lawful wife living In the person
Of Amelia ]. Atwood. Both marriages
were solsmnizsd In San Francisco, and
certified copies OF both marriage licenses
were produced by the prosecution from
the County Recorder Of San Francisco.
Both ladies' appeared In court today. It
Ia claimed for the defense that Grippe be.
lisvsd his FIRST marriage to Be void. on
account OF information to the effect that
Mrs. Atwood had . husband living ct
that time. A copy Of the decree Of d.
vorce from Mrs. Atwosd's former hus.
band was, however, produced BY the
prosecution. dated more than q year DO.
fore the alleged marriage To defendant.
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1882-03-24
Tn. $50 B,i,.

The news Of the passage Of the anti.
Chinese bill BY the House Of Rsprsssn.
tativss was received In Gold Hill too
late for publication yesterday. Az 1t BE-
came generally known on the street sat.
isisction vas everywhere expressed. The
all.absorbing question today Is "will
the President sign It," The larger por-
ton, in fact about all, who have ex-
pressed themselves, believe he will. The
prominent men, who are personally 40.
quainted with the President, do not
think there il any doubt that he
will obey the wish Of the people Of this
coast and make the bill Q Law. The first
report gave the bill q majority Of twelve
votes and Battery A. Of Virginia, last
evening fred twelve guns. one for each
majority vote. The moro pleasing In.
formation came later that the bill passed
by . majority OF 102-l67 votes for the
measure and 65 against.