Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1882-12-20
How it Struck 4 HaIf-Witfed
Girl.

There were several persons in the
room when the minister called, one of
whom was very talkatively -pious old
lady, and another q half-witted young
woman. Ofcourse the old lady at once
entered into conversation with the min
ister, the half-witted one sitting by, dis
hevelling her hair, and now and then
venturing remark The old woman
commenced in the usual way, by stating
her exceeding sinfulness. and her CON
scious need of repentance. After la
menting at considerable length the evils
that were tempting and the sins that
were besetting her she suddenly chang
ed the current of her words.
"But then," said She "Mr. -, the
Lord is merciful, and knows our weak.
ness. He has begun q good work
with me yes, He has begun good
work
"Ah!" said the half-witted girl, dis
continuing her employment for mo-
ment, "Ahl He don't knowewhat
He's undertook !"
Of course the talk was over, and the
minister left the premises iustanter.
Chance is o word void OF sense;
nothing can exist without a cause
VOltdire.
A wise and good man does nothing
for appearance, but everything for the
sake of having acted we'll
Coleridge was once asked, by lady.
if he believed in ghosts. He replied,
"No, madam, | have seen too many to
believe in them"
A Scotchman having warm dispute
with London cabman about his fare,
said, "I'd have We ken / am a Mac
lntosh." TO which the Cockney re-
piled, "You may be an humbrella for
all | knows, but my fare is eighteen
pence"
Among the replies to an advertise
ment of a music committee for candi-
date as organist, music teacher, ETC.,
was the following one Gentlemen,
/ noticed your advertisement for an
organist and music teacher, either lady
or gentleman. Having been both for
several years, | offer you my services"
A man who wantonly wounded
bird with his rifle made this frank con-
fession: at fluttered across the field.
where | followed it, and found the
painting sufferer at its nest, and the
blood dripping upon its young. My
cruelty flashed upon me in all its naked
ness, and ] cringed under my reflections
like guilty butcher as was"
One might as well expect our land
to keep its climate, its fertility, it's
salubrity and its beauty, were the whole
globe loosened from the law which holds
it in an orbit where we feel the temper
ed radiance OF the sun, as to count upon
the preservation of the delight and
glories of liberty for people cast loose
from religion VIM. M Euarts.
The stock of ivory in London is es-
timated at about forty tons in dealers
private warehouses, whereas formerly
they usually held about one hundred
tons. One-forth of all imported into
England goes to the Sheffield cutters.
No really satisfactory substitute for
ivory has been found, and millions
await the discoverer of one. The ex.
isting substitutes won't take the need
ed polish.
A gentleman, who had taken the
right of shooting over moor in Ayr
shire at high rent, bagged only two
brace the first day. After counting
the price, he grumblingly remarked to
the tenant Of the moor that the birds
had cost him two guineas the brace.
The tenant very innocently replied.
"Awecl, sir, ye may be thankful we
hae gotten sac few o. them they're
far too dear"
An intelligent canary, which belongs
to q Nova Scotian damscl, one day
found the water in its glass too low to
reach, and after several unsuccessful
attemps to drink, hoped on its perch.
and sat quietly for few minutes. Sud
denly it turned round, pulled a loose
feather out of its tail, and dipped tho
tip into the water, putting its claw
crosswise on the feather and wet,ing
its beak in the moisture The canary
repeated the trick several times, till its