The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-09-16
Sharp : Sharper Sharpest.

i9CDAs . AD1--
Editors Herald:
Once in a while you gasp fol
breath at the prodigiOus benevo-
lence of some eastern bankrupt
who has sent out his bankrupt
stock to be sold by the law and with
positive instructions to the agents
selling to see that every purchases
has three times the value OF ms
money. The laxative agent untles
his bundles and TO your admirlne
gaze q whole host Of ROXbury
Mass. cassimeres, beavers, mel
tons. dOeskins, etc, meet your gaze.
They are purely English. Some
dress goods and shawlS make the
pleasing, tempting display for cash
only. He glibly tells you they have
sold 100000 in Salt Lake City
alone: the little adjoining coop.
has Just bought 5000, and your
smart man, the bishop, has in
vested heavy. I'VE arr beating
the big coop. all to pieces, and we
are drawing a large trade in these
country co-Ops.
Goods are thus purchases that lay
perhaps months or years on the
shelves, while, perhaps, a store has
to borrow money to buy groceries,
On time, to keep the breath Of life
in the store, and perhaps the money
thus realized on groceries on time
is due, or atall events, it passes to
a class of men who emphatically
strip the country and give no re-
turns.
The obliging agent, one Of five,
tells you they have thirUy-One
wagon loads at Nephi of inst such
goods. and they must be sold in
southern Utah. The law firm hay
ing the sale of this S1,500,000 of
goods are determined to sell for the
benefit of the poor, dear bankrupt.
and the dear bankrupt wants you
shall have three times the worth of
the money, I'D then, if not salts
fed, he throws in a dress for
madam and the dear little cherub
she nurses. How gushingl How
sympathetic low utterly! How
they arel And how utterly how
are you gulledl
In a hotel parlor at the foot of
Mount Nebo, a conference was held
of the Chrome Rubber Stamps, like
nesses Of the twelve agents ETC., one
evening to compare notes, checks,
lodges, etc. "Well how did you sue
ceed in Sanpete with your piece of
nOn-eXplosive red tape for lamps -
Oh admirable, took the safe dodge,
"wonderful!peOple, dreadfully per
secuted" Like your people i'm
meEsely shall move out here etc"
- essay stranger what have YOU got
to sell, you with the one arm, >" Oh
have the life of General Garfield
with plenty Of chrOmos to throw in,
chrOmOs take them. What dodge
are you going to take, that Of one OF
the heroes Of the war and a neal
relative Of a prominent Mormon
general, Ishall shake my tenantless
sieve, tell of Libby, har-breadth es.
capes, and smoothly shove my dis
tiAguished connection with the deal
general.
Who do you represent? l repre-
sent the great irm of Slowcome 4
Co of Boston, offered this!wonderfu
nine tools in one for % cents, or {
royal piano with - stops to one go
s. down as an earnest of good faitI
for $500 delivered c. D. D., scaught
on the dodge" of, if not liked to be
returned, II never came. Thus anC
thus these gentlemen RECALLED them
selves and having told their guilds
and quiddities they arose and saiC
Let US SMILE" their earnings as
they said average $40 per day and Sc
they could afford to smile, and smile
they did in more ways than one
Now as a splendid relief to this,
ssw your fellow tOwnsman Johnny
Meakin, walking around anC
suavely introducing GaskellS com
pendulum. He was doing well, bOtl
the compendium and the agent are
written 4 No. /.
We are TO have a new curative
presently in the shape of a medicine
by dear Sister Agnes, her herb cure
annihillate disease Of medicines
quantUm sufdcit.