Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-10-11
Ny sole, be on thy guardI
Banana-peels abound /:
The sidewalks very hard,

|
And very hard the ground.
| Boston TrnnScr2pt.
MISSOURI papers claim that the hogs
are so fat in that state that in order to
find out where their heads are it is
necessary to make them squal and Judge
by the sound.
Brown Did you say, sir, that I
could lie as fast as horse could trott ?"
Frogg-"No, sir; simply said that few
| horses could trot as fast as you can lie"
Brown h!"
Some cursed scoundrel tucked a
plugged half-dollar off on me" he said.
"Can't you pass it ?" asked his friend.
"Well, don't know" he said, "but
you bet shall try. - Boston Post.
ONE of the Egyptian pashas is strug-
Cling through this wilderness of sin and
sorrow with the euphonious name of
Kussid. What a power he would be
to dam the Suez Canal IN. Y. Ad-
! Uert9ser.
IT looked very gloomy Monday morn
ing. The sky was heavy overcast and a
mist was falling, the air was chill. But
before noon an organ-grinder appeared.
How much we doubt, how little we trust.
-D0n6ury NeeOS.
A NEWPORT snob recently went row.
ing with a small poodle. The boat cap
sized, the snob was drowned, and the
poodle swan ashore; and we are longing
to know if this is a case Of the survival
OF the fittest. TEXAS Oddities.
CT say" said Smarty to Stitfy at the
club last night, "of what material should
the dress be made of the young girl who
enters a convent ?' Stify didn't know.
"Why," said Smarty, ''it should be of
nuns yelling, cut in pious folds"
"VY, my tear poy," he said at Long
Branch yesterday, "dare ish no blaze
like der seasides in Septober; der air ISL
fine like silk und der prizes at der poard-
ing houses ish Sleeper dan living at
home, SO dare!"-NeaO York Express.
A LITTLE boy, whose parents are al
ways moving from one house to another,
was askedrecently by the Sunday school
teacher. "Why did the Israelites move
out of Egypt" and promptly replied,
Because they couldn't pay their rent. y
HUXLEY says "there was a time
when men walked on all tours" He
probably alludes to that interesting
time in the early life of us all when we
approached neighbours melon patch
from the back way.-De0co3a Richard
Smith.
The Norristown Herald man got off
the following the other day and as he
has not been seen since foul play is sus-
pected: "There is four-footed fish in
Mexico called 'axoloti, and If you want
to know any more about it, axoloi cues
TONS"
A wEL1-MEANING person gives hints
telling ''How to live or seventy-fve
cents a week." We shall continue to
live on eighty cents week If we have to
run In debt. There is such thing as
being too economical. -NorristoaOn
Herald.
THE signal service is now ready to an
nounce the approach of cyclones over six
hours in advance. This will give the
farmer who hears of 1t time to go and
sell his stock and tools and other prop
erty to the man who doesn't know what's
coming. -BostOn Post.
SYMPATHY Paterfamilias: 81 see it
says here, my dear, that the household
troops haven't been abroad on service
since the battle of WateriOop Our
Cook: "Lawk, NUM- What shame
for gov'ment to send them poor old men
out to the wars again. Punch.
A GOOD story is told of a Presby-
terrain minister who had become mixed
up In land speculations. On entering
his pulpit recently he announced to his
congregation, at the opening of divine
services, that the text would be found
in est Pauls Epistle to the Mlnneso-
tians, Section 4, Range West.
| 4 MAN in Iowa has invented new
! fastening for horse-collars. 1t is lucky
that the horses collar does not fasten to
button in the back of his shirt, be-
cause if it did, judging from human ex-
perience. when it flew off after he had
broken his thumb-nail trying to crowd
it into a new buttonhole, he would Just
kick the stufing o1t of anything he was
hitched to, even if it was freight-car.
| Boston Bulletin.
| AN exchange says: "Mr. 4. K. II.
Boyd has paper on the advantages of
dying in the September number of
| Frazer's Magazine" If there are any
! advantages to be derived from diving in
! the September number of the magazine
named the public would like to know
what they are 1t will be hard TO con-
vince some folks that it is more ad-
vantageous to die IN the September
number OF Frazer's Magazine than to die
| In Norr5st0aU7a Heral2.
Sc 4 SUBSCRIBER calls attention to
the fact that in recent issue of the
Standard, in the state items, it was an
nounced that ninety " surgeons weigh
ing between 200 and 800 pounds each,
had been "taken i'll the river near
Windsor Locks this summer, " and wants
to know if they are to be turned over to
the Bridgeport Hospital or otherwise
disposed of. The insertion OF after
the in surgeons will give different
aspect to the item. Bridgeport Stand
ard.