davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
"Fun,, With a Mule.

A little southern boy, when asked if
his father had good mule, mournful-
ly replied: "One end of him is good"
Personal attempts to play with the
heels of mule are generally failures.
A correspondent of the Chicago Times,
writing from Fort Buford, gives an ex-
ample of that kind of an experiment:
A gallant captain of the Fifth in
| fantry, on notable occasion, attempt
ed to coerce mule which had backed
up against his tent on a wild and
stormy night to secure some slight pro-
lection from the whirling blasts. The
mule was an old offender, and was con-
tinually wandering about the camp
after night. Upon this occasion he had
backed up against the tent, and the
light upon the inside permitted an ac-
curate view of the animal as his shad-
ow fell upon the canvas. The captain
was entertaining a party of friends, and
when he caught sight of the mule he
picked up pine board, and remark
ing to his visitors, "Now We'll have
some fun, boys" leveled good, fair
blow at the animal.
The aim had evidently been true, as
the shadow was seen to disappear on
the canvas, and then followed an aw-
full tearing sound. and pair of mules
heels made themselves distinctly visi-
BILE to the assembled crowd. The mule
continued the kicking process until he
had torn in shreds the objective side of
the tent selected f1r his attack, and his
heels reached far enough to enable
him to reach the stove. The boys adj
journed for the evening, concluding
they bad had "funp enough.
The officer who assaulted the mule
was given other quarters for the night
and the next day purchased tarpau-
lin with which to repair his domicile.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
They Mixed These Bridegrooms Up.

Marriages are doubtless made in
heaven; we have the assurance for it
in many line, but it would still APP
pear that they arc open to the charge
of occasional mistake, and that it is just
as well in celebrating them in this low
er sphere to see that all the prelimina-
ries are satisfactorily settled. Such
care, at any rate, would have avoided
the very painful results which at this
moment attach to nuptial ceremony
that took place short time ago at We
roma. In that town, for some reason
or other, the official intrusted by the
sindaco to issue marriage licences mix
ed up the names OF the applicants in
such sort that when the day arrived for
uniting number Of young couples, the
wrong people found themselves named
in the documen and had to choose
betweed taking the partners selected
for them or p stponiDg the marriage
| altogether for some time, with the OBJ
vious chance of never getting married
at all. With much reluctance on the
part Of some, and, grevious to relate,
| Joy on the part of others, the ceremo-
| ny WAS allowed to proceed, and num-
Der of people who until then had been
strangers to one another were declared
man and wife in true Italian form. 1t
is satisfactory to know that in the opin-
| ion of the sindaco of the town. this was
not matter of much importance; it
being certain in that gentlemau's opiu-
ion that they would experiene quite as
few disappointments and quarrels as
they would had each chosen their own
mates for life; while by promptly
agreeing to accept the official arrange
ment they had saved the state repre-
sentatives much trouble and had not
wasted the time OF the clerks in pre-
pairing fresh licenses in return for the
| fees
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
Pruning i'm June.

We have tried pruning in almost all
months of the year, and, on the whole,
prefer June. This being about the
busiest month of the year, there is usu-
ally little time for pruning, and so the
favorite time is early spring, and many
of our old orchards, in their rotting
limbs and decayed trunks, bear testi-
mony to the mischief wrought by the
ill-timed use of the ak and saw. Small
limbs, an inch in diameter or less, can
be taken off at any time with compare
tive safety. But the thorough prun-
ing called for in a long-neglected or
chard is best done in the early part of
summer. The sap is absorbed by the
rapid formation of wood and leaves;
the wood laid bare in pruning large
lines soon become scared, the healing
pr cess around the edges of the wound
be-. ,ns Immediately, and in few years
the wound will be completely covered
with new VIC I'd and bark. There is no
chance for decay as when large limbs
are removed in early spring. There is
far too little pruningd one in the farm
orchard. A dead limb. should not be
suffered to be upon the fruit tree.
Good pruning leaves no stubs, but cuts
close to the trunk or branch bearing
the excised limb.-Amerioan Agric,tkst-
Tist
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
Squaring the Circle.

James Morton, Philadelphia math-
ematician, claims to have solved the
problem known as "squaring the cir
cle." The solution of this problem Of
finding the exact area of a circle has
occupied the attention of mathemati-
clans from time immemorial. Manv
claimed to have performed it, but their
demonstrations have always failed to
stand the test The nature of the prob
lem places it outside of the domain OF
arithmetical calculation, but n t.
withstanding this admitted fact,
the ratio between diameter and
circumference has been carried ont
to over six hundred decimal places.
So, by geometrical methods. Mr.. Nor
ton thinks he mas accomplished the
quadrature of tie circle. His recently
published book contains the result OF
his investigations on the matter, and
mulch other information on relative top
les. His solution, but in the form of a
proposition, is as follows: .The square
of the diameter If any circle is to its
area, as the perineter of a square de-
scribed on the dismeter of the circle is
TO its circumference; or conversely, the
area of any circles 10 the square of its
diameter, as the circumference Of the
circle is to the parimeter of square
described ON its diameter"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
Buying Boots.

In the last few weeks of the war q
Confederate, serving under Lee, wrote
home to his father in North Carolina
that he was almost barefooted, and
completely discouraged. AS soon as
tie old man received the letter he
mounted his mule and set off at a
gallon, but was soon halted by an &C
quainta ce, who called out:
'Hellol has there been another
fight?'
mot as I've heard of, but I've got a
letter from Cyrus"
What does Cyrus say?"
'He's out o butes an clean dis
couraged."
"And where are you going?
Down to Abner Smiths to berry
$4,000 to send to Cyrus to git cheap
par o shoes, and we're going to write
him long letter and send him a box o
pills, and tell him to hang on to the last
for if Cyrus gets low-spirited and begins
to let go the internal Yanks will be rid
ing over us afore we kin back Q mule
outer the barn."
That's so, that's so," nodded the
other. 81 kin let you have the money
myself as well as not. [ was saving
up to buy three plucks o. tobacker and
box o. matches all to once, but the
army mustn't go barefut when 1t only
takes 500 900 or $500, 900 to buy purity
good pair o. shoes. Go home and git s
cart, an I'll have the money tied up fun
ye."- Wal Street Mems.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
G. airing for the Lawn.

In the Spring months, says the Ag
ricuiturist, when there are frequent
showers, and the grass is in rapid growth
the lawn mower may be used as often
as once week with decided benefit.
But in our climate, with its extremes
and uncertainties, such fixed rules as
"mow once week" will lead to trouble,
if followed. With the first draught the
grass on the lawn shows diminished
growth, and is often really at stand
still. AT such times nothing worse can
be done to the grass than to cut it. All
that there is above ground is needed to
sustain the root, and incidentally to
shade the surface. In the treatment of
the lawn, as in all other gardening OPP
erations, some thought should be given
to the present condition of the plants
and the object to be gained by the OPP
Grafton. Inc kind of grass varies with
the time or frequency of cutting. A
fine, thick bottom growth of June grass
or blue grass may be kept pretty close
ly shaven. But many front yards and
lawns have timothy or herds grass
sod. and if this be allowed to grow eight
to twelve inches high and then cut, it
will leave good woody stubble, and if
dry weather prevails, it will be long
time before a new growth from the roots
comes up, the plot in the mean time
having the appearance ola burned
over surface, or dry stuble at the best.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
A $4,000 Check ON a Sbingle.

Joseph c. Palmer, California pio-
neer, and at one time a banker and po-
litieiAn, died recently in Oakland at the
age of IS. Mr.. Palmer, in the early
days of California, was a member of the
firm of Palmer, Cook & Co., a bank
which did an immense business, and
whose influence was felt throughout the
State. To show his readiness to adopt
original methods in emergency, it is
related that once depositor called to
draw large amount of money ISIS, 000)
from the bank. Mr.. Palmer's consent
was necessary, but he had been called
away to attend TO some duty in lum-
Der yard some mile or more from the
bank. Thither the depositor FASTENED
and made known his wants and the ne
cessity of having them attended to at
once. Mr.. Palmer could find neither
pen. pencil, ink, or paper. But without
a moments hesitation he picked up a
single, borrowed piece of red chalk,
and with it wrote q check on the
shingle IN large and distinct letters fol-
S2S 900. This was good when present
ed for all the money the depositor had
in the bank, and it proved an exceed,
ingly good advertisement for palmer
1t gained confidence for the origina
genius of our first great banker. whom
everybody admired and trusted,-SGr
Francisco B,ilIsfin
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
Grants sale OF His Name.

New York correspondence St. Louis
Post Dispatch: If General Grant goes
on for the next to years as he has in
the past and allows his son also to fish
in the tubid waters of Wall street, he
stands a very good chance of making
himself impossible, or at least very
unlikely, as the next presidenty. If
subscription list for stock and bonds in
almost any Wall street scheme that
you may think of is shown to you, ten
10 one that you will find General
Grants name down for so and so many
hundreds ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS lily for a
very large amount. He would have,
indeed, to be a very wealthy man to
pay these huge amounts in cash into
the Golfers of all these various enter
prises. ''Grant merely sells his name,"
very wellinformed Wall street man
told me the other day, land the in-
siders' of each corner have to pay up
for him and give him the profit if there
is any. If there's loss he doesn't
take it. / know personally of a case
in which Grant agreed to take certain
amount of stock in a company, but
never disgorged a penny toward paying
for his subscription. As soon as the
stock, however, was quoted at pre-
mium he sold out, sent to the company's
office for the delivery of the shares and
coolly begged the difference. This is
an easy and sure method of specula-
ton, and is only a pity that it requires
the glamor of an ex-president's name
to be treated so comfortably and so
costly by the greedy sharks of Wall
street. Colonel Fred Grant and Jesse
Grant are both nice young fellows, as
the world goes, but, as was seen in the
collapse of the American Electric Light
company of Boston, their connection
with all sorts of highly speculative
enterprises jeopardizes a name which
for the sake of the American people
should be ever stainless aud ever
beyond the reach of nasty gossip.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
Windy And Dusty.

eyes, gentlemen, that WAS rather a
severe storm here few days ago, but
wouldn't compare with some I've seen.
Why, a wind came along here few
years ago that lifted street car clear
from the track, and he'd it against the
side of house for our days. Another
time saw barrel of ashes picked up
at the union depot, just as l was ieav-
ing for Denver, and Iii be hanged if
that barrel wasn't carried every foot of
the way out there and then dropped in
back yard owned by brother of the
man who had it in St. Louis. And dustl
Why, one day while | was shingling my
house nailed the shingles all over the
roof, and thought it took a great many
shingles to do it. Well when / came to
investigate / found ! had been mailing
them on the dust. Another time"
But bystander CONSIDERABLY killed
him, and the recording angel had time
to sharpen her pencil.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15

class of evils in the country. No men
90 so often and SO numerously to
Congress for special Legislation
as tariff men. None muster so
uniformly under the banners of reg
ularitv. Democratic manufacturers
have for years secretly supported the
Republican ticket, even while making
subscriptions at times on the other
side. The huge purses which the
Republican party have raised at every
election since 1864 have come largely
out of the pockets of the benefited
manufacturers until crime of electipg
Americans by purse has become
chronic in the land, and President
Arthur received his nomination because
of his expertness in raising the money.
All these abuses centralize themselves.
The tariff has even been the next abuse
in this country to slavery.
"And a certain rich man came to
Jesus and said Master, what shall do
that may inherit eternal life?' and he
answered, Sell whatsoever thou hast
and give to the poor, and come take
up the cross and follow me- and he was
sad at that saying and went away griev-
ed, for he had great possessions"
It would be hard to find better par
allel to this rich man than the groaning
tariff Unrest in Pennsylvania, distressed
at heart, conscious of It's sins and will
ing to be in good company and respec-
table, but the stern answer comes to il
from the lips of its tariff Senator: "Part
with your ill-gotten goods; give to the
poor what you have taken in taxes,
become equal to the people. and then
you can stand among reformers with
some consistency" If the tariff is
pushed hard against the Pennsylvanians
it remains to be seen whether they can
poll as many votes as were given to
Wolf when he ran alone without any
tariff menace.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
Ensilage Superior 10 Dry Food.
MASSACHUSETTS Cultivator.


A learned and scientific member oil
the Massachusetts state board of agri-
culture, who claims to have solved the
mystery connected with the difference
in the nutritious value of green and
dry food, asserts in substance that any
food for man or beast may be dried
and nothing lost but pure water
Would this member of the state board
select for his breakfast dried beef and
water instead of the juicy heefsteak
Would he prefer his salad composed
of dried lobster with dried lettuce OF
celerys Such nonsense finds no favor
with dumb brutes, whose natural ap.
petites prefer succulent food to dry for.
age, whose instinct leads them to select
well. preserved epsilage in preference tc
dried grass or straw.
Those eminentlv conservative indi
viduals who condemn ensilsge because
they have never tested its merits them
selves, are quite certain that the mills
product of cows fed under this new sys
tenn must be inferior in quality. We
can dispel all such illusions by well
authenticated case in point. George V
Fletcher, of Belmont, Mass, who ha:
had practical experience with ensilagt
and feeds it to his COWS, states that one
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
No Excuse for browning

The general ability of human beings
to be drowned on slight provocation
does not seem to ne justified by the
weight and structure of the ordinary
physique. A mar attempted yesterday
to swim across the East river with
hands and feet tied. He did not sue
coed, but as he started from a Fulton
ferry pier and drifted almost to Gov
ernor's Island it seems unnecessary
that anyone with hands and feet free
should drown. OF course the expert
while not merely floating, kept himself
from sinkingIby moveing his tied limbs.
If he could thus keep his head above
water no novice at swimming need fear
drowning while he can have two hands
and two feet in motion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15

We went, but the boy did not grow
stronger, but each day grew more fond
of me, and would take his food and
medicine from no other hand.
The doctor was puzzled; was not,
for each day / took the scissors and clip
ped from my beard the stiffest portion
and of it made pepper for his food.
Oh! it all went very finely. No one
guessed, till one day Dorice stole upon
me unawares and saw me do it. My
darling gave one cry and fell hfeless at
my feet. She guessed the whole, and
in the madness of the fever that fell
upon her, she told.
The hoy was safe enough, but they
would not let him lie in bis little grave.
The doctor listened to Dorice's rawlings
and examined into the case.
The doctor had no heart. He said l
had killed the child.
Well, l suppose they know-these
wise men. They said he 1.-THE boy)
came to his death from Inflammation
of the stomach, caused by irritating
particles of horse hair, given by my
hand.
But / am wiser than all of them.
Inc DOY Is not u6au, DuI Is Always mere
beside me. l see him, though no one
else cannot even Dorice.
So they said l was madam still
mad. And Dorice, in her black dress,
with shadows no less dark under those
glorious eyes, begged that / might not
be held responsible for the deed that
had done, since she knew that l was
mad.
Oh! my love, my love, it was your
hand that destroyed both husband and
child. You could not love us both. If
| am mad It's you have made me so,
Dorice, my darling.
There, that is all. You see l am
quite myself, quite sane. Or, if am
mad, Dorice is mad, too, and what does
it matter if only Dorice and / can be
ono again, as we shall be, for madhouse
walls Will not keep her from me. She
will come, for now have the boy. Hal
ha! hal It's a huge joke. l have
laughed all day, and now 1 cannot
sleep for laughing. Hal ha! hal hal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
Palaces.

Three cars have just been built by
the Pullman Palace Car Company
which are palaces on wheels. One wal
constructed for Hugh =. Jewett, tbs
President of the Erie Railroad; another
for Henry Willard, the President of the
Oregon Railroad and Navigation Com.
pany, and the third for T. w. Pearce
the President of the Sunset Route in
Texas. These three cars form houses
in miniature. At the forward end oil
each car is kitchen, back of this is a
parlor which serves al dinlngroom
adjnining is a bedroom attached, and at
the rear end smokeing-room and OBJ
servatory. Berths are also supplied in
different parts of the cars, and electric
bells connect with the kitchen and SER
wants quarters. The cars are handsome
in the extreme. That of Mr.. Jewett
the Ramapo, is heavily inlaid with cost
ly woods and magnifcently upholstered.
These cars cost about $4,000 each.
The car of William II. Vanderbilt is
one of the largest in the country. 1t is
seventy four feet in length, nine feet
ten inches wide, and fourteen feet six
inches high. 1t is divided into four
main apartments. AT the front is the
kitchen, and back OF it is Mr.. Wander
bits state-room. The sitting and din
ing room and the card room follow.
At the extreme rear is the observatory,
with inclosed sides and open back. The
car is elegantly fitted up, and is pro-
vided with electric bells and other con-
veniences.
Others beside railroad officials ride
in special cars. The Pullman Palace
Car Company has, besides its coaches
in regular service, one Car especially
intended for the use of families or priv
ate parties. This car is a house on
wheels, and is similar in construction
to tie Ramapo. 1t has accommodation
for ten persons. The main saloon is
furnished like a parlor, and is supplied
with ar organ. The Pullman Company
charges $50 day for the use of the car,
which includes the services ola con-
ductor, cook and two walters. Besides
this, the person hiring the car-or in
fact any car-must buy eighteen full
tickets of the line over which the car
passes, TOR hauling it. The car is usually
attached to regular train and, if a
special engine is secured, which is
rarely the case, the expense is greatly
increased. Provisions and liquors are
supplied bv the Pullman. Company at
cost, or the person to whom the car is
let may store it himself. Sleeping cars
are let at the rate of $65 day, includ-
ing a conductor aud porter; and hotel
cars at SIS day, including con9uc-
tor, cook and two walters. The Pull
man Company also have two hunting
and fishing cars. One is named the
Davy Crockett and the other the Izaak
Walton. The charge for these cars is
$50 day, which includes cook and
waiter for each. The cars are provided
with kennels for dogs.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15

of his neighhors who was unable to
find such cows milk as would nourish
his six-months-old infant, prevailed
upon him to supply given quantity
from one of his cows. Mr.. Fletcher
hesitated, but finally, after informing
the neighbor that his COW was fed no
hay, her daily ration being ensilage
with one pint of cornmeal and two
quarts of shorts, consented to furnish
the quantity desired. Upon this ensi-
lage milk the child is now thriving
wonderfully, gaining strength and flesh.
We feel safe in recommending a SINH
lar supply OF milk to some of the
doubling professors, with the assurance
that such dietary would stiffen up
their backbones.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
GRANTED wlsaEs

Two little girls let loose from school
QueFied what each would be-
One said I'D be q1een and rule,
And one, The world I'd sel."
The years went on. Again they met,
And queried what had been.
A poor mans wife am /, and yet,
Said enc, II am a queen"
My realm happy household is,
My king husband true;
/ rule by loving services.
How has it ben with you =
One answered, Still the great world lies
Beyond me as 1t land;
Der loves and duty's boundaries
My feet have never strayed
Paint murmers Of the wide werld come
Unheeded 70 my ear;
My widowed mothers sick bedroom
Sufieeth for my sphere.
They clasped zach others hands, with tears
OF solemn joy they cried,
'Giod gave the wish Of our young years
And we are satisfied"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-15
LUNGs, LIVER AND KIDNEYs.

These great organs of life, asis known to every
one, are most intimately re ated to each other
and where one is caused to suffer, the other two
on &C sunt of their sympathetic connection a
unav oidably made to feel the evi effects. There
fore, when distressed with symptoms of disease
incidental to either organ, a medicine that will
give tone and strength TO all three, is Natures
best assistant in restoring health. Such virtues
are beneficial ase are contained in Yellow Dock
Sarsaparilla, Juniper, Iron. Buchu, Celery, and
Calisaya All these ingredients are scientifically
combined in that great health remover; DIR.
Guysott's Yellow Dock and Sarsaparilla.