Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1882-08-23
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

FROM the German-a glass of BEER
PucE-
"THE Khedive KerAummixed " is the
heading an Arkansas journal gives to
news from Egypt. ,~~
WHEN mans feelings are so great
that he cannot express them, had he
better send them by freight ?-Deryy
News.
WHAT is the difference bAween the
leader of an orchestra and hook ready
for fishing? One has a baton and the
other has bait on.
Stoves are supposed to be a somewhat
modern invention, but the Egyptians
were warmed by Alexander the CRATE
B. G. 800.
WHEN might railroad engine and
detective be said to resemble each other?
When they both are on the track.-Bos-
ton Traveller.
The spectacle of lot of bald-headed
men in bathing is said to resemble an
animated game of billiards. s.-Philadel-
phia Chronicle Herald
"No," said the art-patron musingly,
as he laid down the inchthyophagoustic
menu, 81 don't care for blue-fsh to day;
suppose you give me bass-relief."
NARRAGANsETT PIER boasts of re-
markable number Of pretty girl babies.
We have engaged board at Narragansett
for the summer of 1899.-Ph5ladeIphi0
NesUs.
"No vehicle drawn by more than one
animal is allowed to cross this bridge
in opposite directions at the same tlme,"
is notice posted on bridge in Provi-
dence.
"Do YOU own this fence ?" savagely
inquired farmer of a tramp who was
hanging over the structure. "No, 1
don't own it." grinned the nomad, but
I've got lean on it.
ARAB1 BEY has been coniscating all
the horses he can lay his hands on. This
is the first intimation we have had that
Arab was trying to establish stable
government.-Zeras SIftamgs.
An Iowa farmer bid off soda foun-
tain at auction, took it home and filed
the reservoir with ice-water, and now
wants to sue somebody because he can't
get fizz to it.-Detroit Free Press.
| ARCHBISHOP WHArELY was one day
asked if he rose early. He replied that
once he did, but he was SO proud all the
e aea 80 sesRX ss4 81 tt the
MARY: 80, mem, I'm SO glad met
you! I've been and posted my prayer
book instead of your letter. Can 1 tell
them they shan't have the letter until
they give me my prayer-book back ~
M0onshine.
A NORTH CAROLINA man fred six
shots from his revolver at stranger sit
ting on the fence fourteen feet away.
Then the stranger slid down with the re-
mark: Gland alive but why don't you
throw log?"
| Kept on growing fat and fattah,
Though she dicted on battah
| In vain she tried to scattah
! All the adiposal mattah,
TIN the doctor said she'd bettah
Stop her beah.
-Baltimore american.
THE father of an elderly damsel to
manageable young man: son the day
that I give you my daughter Adele 1
will deposit 100000 francs with NJ.
Laftte." Francois: "Thanks, dear sir,
but suppose you give me the 1OO,O 900
francs and deposit Mile. Adele with M.
Laftte. "-Quiz.
SOME fellow can get job of hauling
by calling at this office. We want to
send q load of Irish potatoes to the saw
mill and have them sawed into smaller
pieces so as to get them into the kettle
to cook. This was not written for joke
specially, but to give you an idea OF the
size of the 'taters. Cummings, G1',
Gazette.
THERE is said to be woman in Phila-
delphia who aspires to command an ex-
pedition to the north pole, and she
should be allowed to 60. The best way
to find the pole is to put 81, 500 pair
of diamond earrings and $500 sealskn
sacque on the top of it, and give all the
women who want to go sailing CHARTS
Chicago Inter- Ocean.
The doctors tell us we should eat less
beef and morefsh. If the price of beef
keeps on going heavenward, we will be
compelled to live on few of the broiled
lies the boys bring home, because that
is about all our fishers ever do bring
back. People would eat more fish IT
there were more fish caught.-CarroN
County (GG.) Times.
$50 YOU'VE weaned the baby ?" said
lady to her next door neighbor. eyes,
did that some time ago. Why?" The
querist stepped out on the front porch
as she replied, "Well, judging from the
slapping noise I heard last night,
knew you were bringing him up by