National Republican., 1882-07-11
THE WEATHER CRANK
Comes In and Rifles the LonE.Lcgged

The weather crank is the worst crank in the
universe. lie worries one worse than Guiteau,
and boreso with all the pertnaity of diamond
drill on tummus nichol. 1fthc weather ia cold,
warm, dry,wet orsublimely indiferentthe weather
crank Dobs up serenely, and remarks blandly
- enough for your" The shrine to which all
these cranky pilgrims flock seems to be THE RE
PUBLICAN Office. In all probability other offices,
journalistic and otherwise. suffer from their visi-
tations, but the way they swoop down on this
unprotected sanctum reminds one of Xerxes army
In single file storming Thermopylae. Yesterday
from the early morning when the lark scared up
to serenade the sun and the daisies lifted their
heads to listen to the autemerldian utter utter.
ances ofColoncl O. Wilde until the shades Of night
fell down in folds of darkness upon
THE FLOWERS THAT swEETLY sLUMBERED,
the weather cranks poured into this Office like
election returns, and no matter whether they
ncquaintanceship, or to get the refusal of tickets
for the next sewing society excursion or to merely
wrestle with the pile of untouched exchanges, the
salutation invariably was. Hot enough for you to-
day2" With the thermometer soaring away up out
of sight with tho bricks melting on the sidewalk,
% nnc im law w,terv cbgnom that Kind ID of T sSuta
ton is about rs 500 hing thing US could well be
offered to man, but patience oittimes ceases to
be virtue, aud even II sweet-tempercd REPuBLI-
CAN man can sometimes be topplel over the edge
of fequanimity into
THE SETTLING CHAsM OF ANGER.
As the orb of day was sinking in the East last
night "a sun that behaued so Qutrageously neces-
saily changed the order of things aud slept IN a
strange house) gaunt, awkward fellow, about as
| tall and symmetrical as n telegraph p lie, came
nmbling into the office and remarked: Hot
enough for you to.dayY' Then the long
legged, reporter .ppended himself and AS as
eyes and pervaded the sanctum with the
glow. of spectacular drama, he shrieked;
!" Hot enoughl You Internal fool, hot enough !
No, sirl No, sir We are as cold as walruses
roostng on an iceberg. Ugh Ughl See us
teri" he shrieked louder us the man moved UNI
easily toward the steps, Come in here and put
four blankets over us. Put two bottles of hot
water to our feet. You strayed or stolen
COPY OF vENSoR's ALMANAC,
run on your blast furnace before we freeze to
death. Bring up q mustard plaster three yards
wide aud wrap 1t around our agonized forms.
Come back, you concentrated sunoOr," lie yelled
over the bansters, as the man went out through
| the business Off e. Come back with two ovens and
bonfire, then We'll be hot enough tosprout horns"
| Then as the long. legged reporter went back to
his desk yagrant breeze came triiling in through
| the window that felt US If 1t had neon foolimg
had just out to let the boys know 1t was sti IL
| in town, and the weather crank walked over the
| Avenue in u dazed condition. and remarked, as he
| wiped couple M gallons of perspiratiOn of his
nose: firmly believe that feller's got the yeler
janders"
MUG POETRY.
| Big bugs. little bugs, and bugs of middle size,
Black bugs, June bugs, little gnats and flies,
| Oh the u-nanm-i-tee
With which these bugs agree.
They cover your work, your hair ana your clothes,
Aud get into your ears, and your eyes, and nose.
| So they grow wuss and wuss.
'Till the force begins to cuss.