The Penn's Grove record., 1882-03-25
Humorous Gleanines.
! species Of .o-aist-try-PugiIsm

Inc new DOnuou JOufAAa
10 called "Ths Fan" The shrewd
publisher thinks every lady will opeu
one.
The country boy yearRs for town
life. At home he can't get any rancid
butter, swin milk, decayed eggs or
leathery beef.
There are no pumps where the
cocoannt grows, which, perhaps. ac-
counts for the milk In it.-Csncsnr0ti
Saturday Night.
The reason that . baggage man re-
Gently hurled himself from q fourth
story window was that he was insane.
and thought he was . trunk.
A youthful Pennsylvania granger,
about to be chsstised by his father,
called upon his grandfather to protect
him from the mtddlemAn.
An exchange nays the difference be-
tween a hungry man and q glutton is,
"One longs TO eat and the other eats
too long"
Two highwayrnen recently stole Q
New York EDITORS pocketbook ami
then dashed toward the ferry. They
were Of course captured, as they didn't
have money enough to cross.-N. Y.
Dispatch.
A telegraph man went to . concert.
The violinist played very nicely, hold
ing the audience spellbosnd, until
suddenly a string snapped. The tele-
graph man shouted: Wires down,
by Geo.gen
INFERENTIAL.-Said Brown to Fogg
who had been INDUCING In some OF
his vagaries: Excuse my mention
ing 1t, but now that we are alone, let
me remind you that there Is always a
fool and q critic In every company"
1.-TWO is a small company" replied
Fogg, "bat why do you call me a
critic?"
Things one would rather have left
unsaid-Nervous Person speaking at
last to his neighbor) do you know
who that remarkably ugly person is
just opposite-talking to the black
hated lady, you know-um-eh"
Neighbor-"That, sir, Is my brother''
| Nervous Person. Yes? LII beg
your pardon-I-T-stupid OF me not
to have seen the family likeness
-a-"[Collapse and disappears.-
Punch.
Two countrymen pause at the ser
pent house in the Jardin des Plants
and contemplate the goodness n
. wisdom of Heaven rs revealed in the
boa constructor.
"say," says the first countryman'
what's that insect tied himself up in
a knot for like thAt?"
"Oh," replied his fellow in q supe-
rior manner, ~ suppose he wanted to
remind himsslf of something when he
Weakened up-that's why"
May I call you Revenge
| She" Why" He" Becasue, Re
venge ia SWEET She" Certainly
you may provided, though, you will
let me call you vengeance" He
"And why would you call me ven
geance?" She-'tBecause Vengeance
Is mine.'"
Unnecessary explanation "Con-
ductor.n said . lady passenger on the
train, pointing over her shoulder to a
| man who was resting his feet on the
| windowsill behind her, II wish you
| would request that brute to take bis
- I'LL HT lAnnntf paota" ~ Fa-
| Piled the polite but cautious ticket
fend, he's q member of the iegisla-
ture."
A Connecticut man invented .
machine to measure the power OF a
mules kick. The mule was to kick a
disc fxed against q spring, and it took
so many bounds pressure to drive In
the disc q certain distance. And they
tested the thing on an old army mule,
and the frat kick knocked the whole
machine into smithereens and landed
the most Of IL in the next field. Genius
has Its trials!
Long-"Bother the boy! My boots
amt dirty. I wonder why he's ALWAYS
40 precious anxious to clean them?'
Short Well. he thinks yours is just
the sort Of . foot to be q good
tisement to him."
"How il your establishment run ?"
asked q western editor Of an eastern
brother, at whose presses he was look
ing. "By water power. How Is
yours rum" "By the same power"
replied the man from the setting sun,
but we take 1t pretty much In our
whisky"
A Jolly looking beggar woman re
Gently entered . shop In Dublin, n
asked the owner for charity. He
shook his head and said 81 am not
able to give you anything" The VIC
man, 10 q cheerful tone. promptly re-
piled: "Thank you, sir, and may you
; long be in the same position"
; Some Ohio man. fearing another
deluge, has built an ark, and offers
free passage to the brethren OF his
state. If the Lord cver finds occasion
to 70 back on his promise and flood
the country again, 1t will be to get rio
Of the Ohio man, and all the arks In
3 creation won't save him.
Anything you see me do, you car
! do" said Pingery to his son, "Thani
you, sir" replied the young man
> hut perhaps I would like to do som
If the things you take such mighty
y good care / shan't see you do" Pin
grew thinks of this and trembles ever,
time he loes behind the cupboard doc
b to look into the bottom of that tum
bier.
l. II was evening, and three Of then
y were killing . cat. One Of them he'll