Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-06-09
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Do even 50 to them.'
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No FUN IN HIM.-One of the members
of the Methodist Conference held in De-
troit was out for walk at an early hour
one morning, and encountered strapping
big fellow, who was drawing wagon 60 a
blacksmith shop.
ssCatch hold here and help me down to
the shop with this wagon, and I'll buy the
whiskey,'' called out the big fellow.
II never drink" solennly replied the
good man.
swell, you can take cigar"
81 never smoke.n
The man dropped the wagon tongue,
looked hard at the member, and asked
''Don't you chew2"
mo SIR was the prompt reply.
sly GU must get mighty lonesome. +" mus
ed the teamster.
ST guess I am all right feel first
rate.''
ssI'll bet you even that can lay
you on your back" remarked the team
Ster.
81 never bet,'' replied the clergyman.
ssCome. now, let's warm up little.'
II am in hurry"
swell, let's take each other down for
fun, then. You are as big as I am, and
I'll give you the under hold"
81 never have fun, 'solemnly replied the
member.
swell: I'm going to tackle you anyway.
Here we go.'
The teamster slid up and endeavored to
get backhold, but he had only just COM
: menced his fun, when he was lifted clear
I off the grass and slammed against tree
box with such force that he gasped half
dozen times before he could catch his
breath.
Now you keep away from me,'' ex-
claimed the minister, picking up his cane.
'sBust me if don't" replied the team
ster, as he edged off.
whats the use of lying and saying that
you didn't have any fun in you. when you
are chuck full Of it? You wanted to
break my back, didn't you?''-Free Press
A Washington scene: Deep-voiced guz-
zler-"Hi, waiter bring me three more
schooners !" Awe-struck spectators, whis-
pering, "That must be the new secretary
of the navy"
A small boy who was playing trusnt,
the Gf,sr day, -wnena asked if he wouldn't
rot whipping when n.e got home, re-
s
five hours of fun?"
IF I rest 1 rust" is German PROV
erb.-
"lf I trust I bust" is the AMERICAN
version.
RON MOT IN AN ELEVATOR Scene
The elevator at the Tribune Building.
Dramatis Personal---very. gentlema
Of venerable appearance. Young gentle
man.
Elderly gentleman; This is the longest
ride in New York to be had foEtEo cents.
Young gentleman puzzled: Sir?
Elderly gentleman: This is the longest
ride in New York to be1had for two cents.
Young gentleman Isoothingly, lest he
should arouse the Ebmicidal tendencies of
re sS;;aaent manac): Which ride, sirp
Elderly gentleman, with fiendlsh chuc-
kle-This rlfe, sir, in this elevator, for
two cents
sJa6g gentleman, habbergasted-
cents2 ITO himself) perhaps the elevator
boy presumed on the old idiots simplicity
and charged him.
Elderly gentleman-Two cents, sir!-
Yes, sir-ascent and descent!!! grows
purple with merriment, but, alas! does not
fall dead)
Young gentleman, bitterly to himself
How i'll gray hairs become fool and jest.
er.- World.
Were I to be candied, l would say you
were Just about the incest fellow l ever
metz said she, while leaning ON his arm
in front of confectionery. He bought the
taffy.
The Cyclops we're an industrious race
They possessed single eye to business.
The palmy days of boys life are those
in which he gets properly spanked by his
mother.
ssThe number of bones in a man." we
are told is 30" just after partaking of
shad breakfast the number may be in
creased to $50.
''That's what beats me. as the boy said
when he saw his father take the skate strap
down from its accustomed nail.
The Coart-Prisoner, L think that on the
day in question you must have left your
reason at the bottom Of your tumbler.
The Prisoner-Oh, no, Your Honor you
must be mistaken. Catch me leaving any
thing at the Bottom Of my tumbler.
Dialogue between two Boosters: LAND
ed estates2 My dear fellow, have estates
at Marseilles. estates SO vast that you can It
see the end of them"
"Pshaw! That's nothing. I have estates
at Toulouse, sir, that you can't even see
the beginning of!'
ma, will my little brother always be
younger than am ?''
Yes, darling"
''That'l be NICE"
sWhy, lovely?"
Because, then can always lick him I"