The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-07-29
NO. Is
WIT AND WISDOM.

Come right to the point as the
rod said to the lightning.
Congress says trade dollars must
go. Ours went some time ago.
A bald-hcaded man says his hair
reminds him Of fool and his money.
How often great blunders are
committed in an effort to repair littlo
ones.
| Where was Tourgee when Column
bus discovered our continent?
All men are liberal; some to those
who are in need, and others to them.
selves.
The devil is said to be the origina-
tor Of draw poker. He gets straight
flush every time.
The Wisconsin women who kept
silent for fifteen years will be jewel
in somebody's crown.
Prize fighters will be safe in Louis
lana now. The State has passed
law against the pastime.
The most dissipated thing about a
woman is her corsets; they are almost
always on bust.
The penny's mightier than the
sword in the opinion of the thrifty.
How very fortunate it is that every
one is able to believe that he has
more than his share of brains.
You can take an old hen and dye
! L.
tiful rs an Australian parrot.
These are the longest days of
the year, but the poor mars rent
day roll around just the same as
usual.
Now that the cartwheel hat craze
is over, banjo playing seems to have
got the young ladies on string.
The San Francisco Valley Fair
says that the people Of Monterey
"live on climate and little whskey
mixed"
Every man in the world has
master whom he is trying at all times
to pleasc--and that master is him
self.
The average man will never hest
tate to take ten cents worth Of time
to look for five cents worth of lost
money.
1t is said that indigestion is caused
by weak eyes. Next we shall hear
that corns Oh the feet produce intox-
ication.
When at home the Chinaman is
Mongolian. When In the United
States he is Mustgolian.
Misery may like company, says n
colord philosopher, but I'd rather
hab de rhumatiz in one leg den ter
hab it in bofe.'
Sarah Bcrnhardts theatrical cxca-
nation on welcoming her new hus-
band was TO arms; he comes; the
Greek-the Greek
If a man has good health it is nm
fair for him to ask the Lord to give
him anything else, because he ought
to get it for himself.
A New Haven man waited for thir-
ty-five years to recover half dollar
which he lost in a sewer, but he got
it at last.
A husband, on reading, none but
the brave deserve the fair said with
n sigh: And none but the brave could
live with them
1t is now asserted that Jennie Cra-
mer was drowned. Next week it NAV
probably be learned that she died
from trying to eat II sawnill.
1--WE never fight under cover" says
Farmer Lomar. Evidently this able
agriculturist has never stayed all
night ut summer resort hotel.
Congress has refused to enlarge
the Philadelphia mint. The only
mint they care about is that which
is taken with wliiskcy and sugar.
Beautiful Mrs. Langtry is com
ing over in the fall She will be
received on her arrival by Gen. But
Ter, rs the handsomest man in Amer
lea.
"San Francisco is clamoring for
III 100 DdiuS Ill CuuICuco. EAU CiIlC
measures must be taken to keep
San Francisco people awake, cvi-
IDENTIFY.
Fortress Monroe is the largest sin
gle fortress in the world. The largest
married fortress is New York tene-
ment house filed with quarreling
families.
Fred. Archer, the celebrated Eng
fish Jockey, is described as tall.
emaciated, cadaverous man, with
projecting lips, slight stoop, de-
cidedly round shoulders and long,
misshapen legs. To keep his
weight down to III pounds he often
breakfasts ON two seidilitz powders.
Algernon Sartoris, Grants SON
in-law, is to swim a race on the
Thames this month for a thousand
dollar prize. There is nothing like
keeping up your dignity.
A Michigan man was forced, at the
muzzle of a pistol, to confess crime
he had committed. He was wise in
his day and generation, for he knew
it was loaded.
Darwin was biased and bigoted and
crochety, but he was level-headesl
when it came to the lobster. He said