Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-08-18
WIT AND IuUyIOR,

ihbo VI 'hc iutV ScsslDub Vi the concord school
of philosophy are to be translated into Eng.
| lish
Most people who visit the Falls Of Mag
ara, says the Detroit Free Press, ARE dsap.
pointed in the roar. They expect 10 hear
something like the voice Of chairman at
ward caucus
| French servant girl thus explained how
she oversight "iou see naam. | sleep
very slowly, and so you see, ms'am. it .akes
me much longer to get my full sleep than /,
does others; You see, ma'am"
Excited Irish sergeant, drilling an awkward
squad "Do you call that a pr'snt arms,
Hivens Just step ont here now, and take
II look a, yerselves."
Determination and perseverance will over.
come all obstacles. A Virginia man, with
his wife and baby, walked "a nils to see
the circus
The wcl!-Snown tenor. Mr. Lherie of the
Opera Comique, Paris, has discovered that
MS voice has changed to baritone, and has
teen obliged TO cancel his engagement for
the present. A de Lherietcrious change for
him.
The Syracuse Herald thinks Arab has Out
on green tulbin in order 10 catch the Irish
vote
An Eng ish correspondent of the New
! ork SIN calls England 'the mother coun
try of prize fighting" And Sullivan can't
make her son set, either.
The government OF Missouri partioned 4
lottery man, who has served sixteen DAYS of
a sentence of six months, excusing his elem.
ency on the ground that the lottery man
will devote his talents to the prosperity of
St Louis"
The county is safe. Congress has order.
cd the printing iof 100000 copies of the
agricultural report, and appropriated SEW
900 therefor.
Lord Erskine once declared at large
party that "a wife was Il tin canister tied to
ones 'ail;" upon which Sheridan who was
present when the remark was made, present
ed Lady Erskine the following lines
Cheerful remark by Isaiah Rynders to the
Democratic reformers Of Pennsylvania, tho
Other day "rm an old man, and shall be-
in my grave before many years But, if I'm
dead in 1884, and Democrat is elected Pres
dent of the United States, want you to
come to my grave, and beat big bass drum.
If you will do that, III kick off the lid OF
my coffin and give three cheers for the
Democratic party"
The pnuIiiri1c If p.o,Ia,N
swered in the New York Graphic To pre-
vent yourself from walking in your sleep,
paddock your ankle to the bedpost and throw
the key over into the corner. You can easily
drag the bed to the corner when you awake
, and secure the key, though you can not do SO
while you are asleep AS 10 the habit of bit
: ing your elbows which you have contracted
J nothing but time and patient endcavor can
overcome it.
The British government has ordered %,
600 blue spectacles, or goggles, for the use
of the army in Egypt. This will give the
troops azure thing.
How much :" said an English Judge at
the close OF recent trial OF breach of prom.
Use case This is the shortest charge TO y
J jury on record.
Mrs. Post is town clerk OF Georgia, and it
is insnuated that the President won't Miss il
in making her Post MIS-, too
\ good cocoanut ia meaty, but falling
star is meteor. -Lo,reN Courier
No man that ever lived can cinch an arpu.
ment without riveting his opponents atten.
on.-Andreic's AmericaI. Queen
Vic. Woodruff is still candidate for the
Jresidency of these United States SO is
General Pratt. The chances are reported to
be about even.-LoeceH Citizen
The sight of fat man trying to look grace
fu' in bathing suit is what makes the little
....L .eaded fishes stand on their tails and
grin.-Philadeiphia Chronicle Herald.
1t is said that Arab Pacha was a confcc.
TONER in New Orleans. Perhaps this is the
reason that he has been able to give so much
tally 10 the English people. -PMlddelplia
Bulletin.
A dealer advertises in an anglers paper
Flies, reels, rods, tobacco, whiskey, and all
other requirements for anglers" II the fish
erman has a full supply of tobacco and wills
key. he might dispense with rods and reels
Fish have such queer tastes. Norristorn
Herald
!, AL hrhhilsAW GATOR, III rcllrlnB from the
, editorial control of a newspaper, said, 1T is
with feeling of sadness that We retire from
the active control of this paper, but We leave
our journal with gentleman who is ADLER
than We are financially, to handle ii. This
gentleman is well known in this community
He is the sherih.-Arkdasd,o Irdeeller.
This is the season when a man who starts
to get into hammock may as well make up
his mind that when he RECEIVERS conscious
ness there will be crowd around him asking
ii he is hurt much,-L0neN Citizen
. General Spinner is fishing down in Flori-
da with eminent success. He Just bats with
his signature, and the fish that can distinguish
it from the writhingest kind of worm has
to be an expert of many years standing
burlington Harkeye.
All the new California millonaires are in
Europe laying in their stock of old masters;
and Murllo and Michael Angelo and the
Raphael Chrome Works IN Rome are run
ming night and day, with extra hands on oils
| and canvas.-Puck
. The other day a Chicago paper contained
an item to the effect that a prominent citi-
zen who was known TO gamble on the sly,
/, and who never went to bed sober, had run of
with another mans wife. The next day 352
Chicago citizens called TO demand retrac-
iion. Philadelphia Ne'cs.
One of Jonathan Edwards contemporaries
Rev. DIR. B., in an adjoining town, discard
ed the severcst OF the Calvinstic dogmas.
A notorious scamp IN the town. much affect
ed in revival, went to the doctor and said
to him, in the religious parlance of the time,
81 realize that am the chief of sinners"
! GLAD to hear 1t" replied the dominic, ''your
pnt .lNr hnx lnt.sv lie.