Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-07-06
HUM0R.

Patti is 80 years old, and has been
Just that cd so long she is used to 1t,
and it don't worry her a cents worth.
A little boy. proud of his new jacket,
informed his sister that he was a Six
button kid.
Mary Clemmer says that only one
girl in 500 can be happy as a clergy
mans wife. She tried it. and she didn't
get to see circus for eleven years.
1.-THE limp ard lanky Jove, who hurls
lightning through the potmetal conduc-
tor of this city," is the way the Chatta-
nooga Times refers to q brother editor.
Maine proposes to punish apothecar-
lea who make MISTAKES. A Maine
apo.heca.y often sells ''nose paint" by
mistake.
A Michigan man dreamed recently
that his aunt was dead. The dream
proved true. He tried the same dream
on his mother-in-law, but it didn't
work.
When it was known that certain
woman at Franklin, KY, was prone
nading the street with revolver in
hand, 1872 different men had business
upstairs and down cellar, and could not
be disturbed.
Young swell-"Fraulein Mathilde,
may | offer you my arm?" Mathilde
--"On, this offering your arm is getting
monotonous. Why not offer me your
hand for changer"
Music, said DR.. Johnson, is the least
disagreeable of all noises. The learned
doctor did not know everything. He
never lived next door to cornet anna
teur or piano.banging young lady.
A quack doctor heads his advertise
ment-"Ho, all we dyspeptics !" That's
just what dyspeptics won't do. If they
all would hoe vigorously they might not
need any medicine.
The peculiarities of the English
tongue in Swiss mouths is admirably
shown in the latest sign discovered in
the Alps: "Repairs hung with stage
coach" 1t means "Repairs executed
with diligence"
One can readily excuse the error
made by the little church-going maiden
who asked her mother the species Of
"a consecrated cross eyed bear" She
hat. heard the hymn commencing "a
consecrated cross I'd bear"
In view of the frequent lynchings in
the southwest, We are inclined to be-
ieve that the number of rogues who
break into jails in that region is ninety
per cent. greater than the number who
break out.
well, my dear. are you getting
on nicely with your music ?" .Oh,
yes, mamma; last month when play
ed four-hand pieces with my music
teacher l was always couple of bars
behind. Now | am at least three
ahead"
Glow do you keep off the canker
worms p said the visitor "they de-
stroy everything that grows" Oh, very
easily" said Mr. Emerson, in his mild
way; 1--WE kill them as we do politicians
with printers ink.
Young Lady-"Oh, aunty, did you
see that man stare at you? How rude
the men are ~ Aunt-"Oh, they're
getting much better now, my dear? ?
Why, ten years ago, they used TO ac.u-
ally come up and talk to me now they
only look"
A young would-be wit in Lewiston,
Me-, who attempted to chat half in
toxicated lumberman, was greeted with {;
~ mind my own business. l know
what you are We make No. 2 clothes
pins out OF such stock as you up our
way. You git"
''He is the happiest man." says Hen
ry Ward Beecher, "who can carry the
golden threads of boyish enjoyment
farthest along through the web OF life"
What are the golden threads, Henry,
without the silver dimes and quarters?
II met Mr.. Miggles to-day" remark
ed Mrs. Chippick. "He's quite a
changed man. hardly knew him, he's
so chippor IND lively" Indeed" re-
sponded he, husband, gravely. How
very strange! | read in the paper that
his wife sailed for Europe last week"
"You love me?' echoed the fair crea-
ture, as her pretty head oiled the collar
of his summer suit. Eyes" he said
tenderly, 'you are my own and only
living" "Hush," she interrupted,
don't say that-be original. That sounds
too much like circus show bill"
The latest spring agony" is thus de-
scribed by a New Haven paper: "a
young lady beautifully decorates a
miniature spade and sends it by dis
trict telegraph boy to a young gentleman
friend. This signifies; 81 am about to
set out my plants. Come this evening
and spade up the front yard for me-"
The agony is that the young mans sole
knowledge of the use of the spade comes
from the "ante room"
Eyes" said an actress of lady
friend in the profession, 81 think Alice
is insane. Why, yesterday, she actual
ly told her real age. Not that she's so
very old, you know, but it is better to
begin to cut down gradually than to
stop at certain age and never get be-
You'd it, or take jump back five
years"
A maiden lady said to her little
nephew: mo, Johnny; you go to bed
early and a lwavs do go and Won III hr