Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-07-13
Helena, Montana Thursday, July 13, 1882.
THE DODO.
The Wonderful Animal and it's Strange
Peculiarities.
Salt Lake Tribune.

Salt Lake Trbune.l
Professor, what is Dodo?'
There are several species of the Dodo, my
son, and there used to be several more before
the fool-killers cut the country up into regu-
lar districts"
please describe some of them to me?"
With pleasure. You have probably at
banks of river or lake? Six fat women
two girls who wear eyeglasses, and very
good boy who lisps make up a party to ride
on the water. AS they are ready to shove
off, the Dodo appears and keeps them COM
pany."
What is he like and what does he do 2"
He is generally soft-headed young man
under "A years of age, and he stands up and
rocks the boat to hear the fat women scream
and induce the girls to call him Gweorge"
docs the boat upset"
1T does"
"And is everybody drowned?"
Everybody except the Dodo. He always
reaches the shore in safety, and he is always
so sorry it happened. He is sometimes so
affected that it takes away his appetite for
lunch"
"They sometimes rub his head with a
cheap brand Of peppermint essence and turn
him out to grass, but no one ever thinks of
doing him harm"
And the next species ?"
"The next species is youth from Is to 90
He labors under what the ancients termed
the swell-head. He gets out the family shot
gun or revolver to show off. He points it at
hnu RI fn Sh oro1
after he has testified before the coroner that
he did not know it was loaded the affair is
looked upon as ended"
rs this species on the increase ?"
'Well, no. The friends of the victims
trifes they Observation-Disclosures. Dodo
isn't quite holding his own"
What is the third species?"
''The third species belongs to the female
sex. Of course there are two sexes of the
Dodo. She buys arsenic to kill rats, or cor
to discourage bedbugs, or
Paris green to give cockroaches a hint to
skip, and she leaves the package ON the pam
try shelf alongside of her baking powder
She may keep em separate for two or three
days, but it isn't over week before the fam
lily begins to lose their appetite and hire a
cheap boy to 60 for doctor and a stomach
pump"
"And is she sorry ?'
ooh, yes. She didn't mean to, you know
never thought of killing the family; always
lived happy with her husband; had entirely
orgotten that he had any life insurance was
n hurry and didn't stop to look"
"And is there yet another species of
Oodo9"
Several others, but we haven't time to
axe 'em in detail and give full particulars in
ach case. The man who thinks the best
lorse wins is Dodo. The woman who gets
nto society on the strength Of her false hair
mall waist, painted eyebrows, chalked
heeks and cramped feet is Dodo. The
nan who thinks he can take comfort ON
excursion; the man who goes On
fishing excursion; the woman who weeps
ver the heather; the girl who writes poetry
IN sunsets; the young man looking for a
lecktie to become him. the old man who
narries young wife; why, it would take
ne an hour to mention them all. Put away
our books in careful manner and we will
walk out and see some live specimens of the
)odo. | know one who was engaged to de-
iver Fourth of July oration, and perhaps
We may get shot at him."