River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-09-07
PLOTTING FUN.
A fat job: Playing Falstaf.

J
Substantial visions: Provisions.
''Taken from life:" The dead bur-
glar.
Human ate-yer: Devoured by can
nibal.
Unattainable presents: Presents of
mind.
The place for hungry people: The
Sandwich Islands.
1t sounds paradoxical to say that 8
man may lose his sight and vet be a
seer.
An editor who was told that his last
article was as clear as mud, said; ''Well
that covers the ground, anyhew."
"Her Face Was Her Fortune" is the
title of popular novel. She was evil
IDENTITY book-agent, and travelled on
her cheek.
The ocean steamer passage books
show that the words, "When | was in
Europe viii issue from 60, 600 addi-
tional mouths next autumn.
The castor.oil plant is said to be pc
culiarly obnoxious to flies; but one
can't have a castor oil plant growing
on .op of his bald head.
yes" said Mrs. Laughingstock
speaking of daughter recently mar
ried, "she became enameled of the
young fellow and would have him.
"Adolphus, let us leave the avenue,
and stroll along The margin of the riy-
en-" mot any, dear Evangeline. No
more margins for me. .
How dare you say damn before
me?" severely inquired clergyman of
loafer. Chow did / know You want
ed to say damn first?" retorted this
bad man.
1t is the father of twins who knows
what it is to be up all night with the
girls or the boys, for that matter, as
the case happens to be.
The sultan of Morocco has 364 wives.
What a nice time he must have waen
mis- mother-in-law comes to see him
An Arkansas girl refused to marry
her lover unless he performed some
heroic deed. He eloped with her
mother.
By mother-in-law: "You can de-
ceive your guileless little wife, young
man, but her fathers Whenever.
81 can marry any girl please" he
said, with self-satisfied-if-yo loved a.
girl-would-y ou-marry- expression of
countenance upon his languid face.
'No doubt" she responded; "b1t what
girl do yon please?" They don't speak
now.
Some of our young men, before put
ting on eel.skin pants, should have en-
barked in the business of raising stock.
They should have raised couple of
calves, at least.
The little girl who was disappointed
because her name could not be found
in the Bible, says: Never mind. [
will be such a good girl that. if ever an
other is written my name shall go into
it."
Bridget, l told you to have my not
water ready the first thing in the morn
ing" "Sure, sir" replied Bridget,
'didn't l bring it up and leave it at the
door last night, so as to have it in
time"
Overhead on the Boulevard: "What
would you do if you should find ten
thousand francs upon the sidewalk
"Whst would do? Why, l should i'm
mediatelv offer recompense of two
francs to the one who had lost them.
Indignant boarding mistress: "Why,
what are you there for?" Fat boy on ia
BILE: "Mr. Hewlett put me here. He
says it's his birthday, and he wants to
see something on the table besides
hash"
A Milwaukee drug clerk was whip
ped for putting whisky in a Prohibition
lists soda, and the next day lost his sit
uation because he failed to comprehend
the significance of an influential citi-
Ems wink.
The Indianapolis man who had de-
livered to him at his own front door,
and marked with his own name, box
containing what was said to be his own
body, must have thought seriously,
Gam l or am | not? If not, who in the
devil am II"
Picking up: 81 guess you must be
better to day." said Farmer Hodges to
a sickly neighbor, whom he found rus
ticating in his strawberry patch. "Oh,
Pm picking up little, was the reply,
as the invalid bent over to get a red
nugget or SO.
There was a hairpin on the White
Street bridge this morning. 1t was a
very little thing, was this hairpin, and a
thoughtless public passed unconscious
ly over it. But while it was trihe on
the bridge it was power somewhere
else. In some home on this bright
summer morning there is a woman
tearing aroand after that hairpin, de-
claring as well as mouth full of hair
will permit her, that it does beat al!
that she can't lay anything down for a
minute without somebody making off
with it.
81 would like situation" said mar
row-faced youth to merchant. "You
would, eh ? Well, just scoot across the
water to Alexandria, and youth find
the Egyptian situation still open. .
Why, what use could they make of
me over there ?" stammered the dis
heartened fellow; 81 amt mummy"
"True unused the philanthropist,
"but you'd make first cl ass ramrod
for a gun of small bore" The boy dis
charged himself.
Linc0ln's Duel.
Major J. NJ Lucas, one of the pio-
neer citizens of jacksonville, ILL.,, and