The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-07-07
WHY WE LAUGH.
Apropos of the "Longuage Of Flowers" !"
how would forget-me-not do to send to q
rich relation ?-The JUDGE.

| how would foIget-me-not do to send to ,
rich relation ?-The Judge.
A minstrel man has lately been cured o
rheumatism BY eating brown sugar. Another
sugar cured Ham.-Boston Post.
A thief who was arrested in New Yori
last week, upon being asked his occupation
replied that he was "pocket miner"
Flour is said to be as explosive IS gun
powder. That's what enables the paste pots
to get off so many squibs.-K. Y. Com. Ad-
rertiser.
An inebriate recently fell and struck his
nose against barber pole. "What'n thun-
der 'zat woman wi striped stock'ns On got
agin me?"
Jesse James once thought seriously Of 60
ing through college, but events occurred that
caused him to change his mind and go
through bank.
In the new arithmetic one reads: ain one
lot there we're four calves and in another
two young men with their hair banged. How
many calves in all l?"-Rochester Democrat.
The London Times says that the original
of Dickens "Fat Boy" was man who lives
At Budden, Eng. This relieves the Hon.
Alexander H. Stephens Of considerable anx-
iety.-Kansas City Times. .
"Is there anything" writes Mr.. Oldboy,
'that will make the hair grow on bald
heads ?" Indeed and indeed, brother Old
boy, there is not. II the hair would grow on
them they would not be bald.
A Philadelphia youth who Is learning to
play the corDet cannot understand why peo-
pie who shoot at cats will be 90 careless.
Half dozen stray bullets have already come
through his window.-Phila. Ne,cs. ...
"My frens," said the officiating clergyman,
at the marriage Of two colored persons near
Cincinnati afew Sundays ago. any frens,
1t am serious ting to get married, specially
when bofe parties is orphans an ham't got
no parents to fall back on, as am de present
case"
A preacher In Tennessee tried to establish
. church In which there should be no men,
bers who used tobacco or any beverage but
water, and his only congregation was an old
woman who chewed slippery-elm and be-
lieved In catnip tea for the measles.-Detroit
Free Press.
An Austin man started in the livery stable
business last week, and the first thing he did
was to have sign painted representing him.
self holding mule by the bride. ''Is that
q good picture of me ?" he asked Of IN ad-
miring friend. "Yes It is . perfect picture
Of you, but who Is the fellow holding you
BY the bride ?"
A debtor who was sued by his creditor
that he had borrowed the
money, but declared that the plaintiff knew
1t the time that 1t was Kathleen Mavourp.
neen loan. "a Kathleen Mavourneen loan,"
repeated the court with . puzzled look.
"That's 1t, judge; one Of the 1T may be for
years and 1t may be forever Sort"
whats your business ?" asked the magis-
trate Of the prisoner with q six months in
the penitentisry expression. "When / am
sober, Judge, make my money out of real
estate movements" meekly answered the
victim of the flowing bowl. "Do you mean
IN say you are In the street cleaning depart
ment?" "No, your honor, l do not; only
mean to say that am grave digger"
An Austin gentleman who is an invalid
recently had occasion to hire negro to wait
on him. When an able bodied applicant for
The position put In an appearance, the gentle
man said: "If hire you, Sam, / shall ex-
pect you to help me up the stairs, and assist
me in getting into bed" "Bress your soul,
boss, Use more fttin' for helpin' folks up
stairs, and putin 'em ter bed dan anything
else. rse been porter at q boardin' house
whar dar was four Senators. Use do berry
niggah you am suferin' foan."-Teras Sift-
ings.
He resumed. "Father," said the young
man, as he leaned on his hoe, "they say the
balance of trade Is agin u.s." "They do, eh?"
''And that onr bank reserves are rapidly d.
"Du tellw "And that railroad
extension has come to . halt" "Well, /
swami" "And that the volume of securities
is substantially without market" "Great
snakes Well, never! And do they say any
thing about feller stopping to lean on his
hse to talk when he might just IS well talk
and hoe too ?" Reuben spit on his hands
and resumed.-IVall So. Ne,es. i
They tell good story at the expense Of
Bob Taylor, the fiddling ex-Congressman Of
Tennessee. During his stay in Warrington
he made visit to New York, whsr, he Is
TO have spent hilarious time. CO.
ing into high-toned barroom o. Fifth
avenue, he addressed the big black waiter
thus: "Give me drink Of your best rye;
for, you see, I'm q son Of . gnn from Ten
nessee." The darkey handed out the favor
ite Democratic beverage, with the remark,
II knowed you was . son Of gun; but /
did not know whar you was FROM"
Uncle Ike was one day riding mule and
had little negro boy behind him. Tell you
what Ung Ike, 'possum mighty good ting"
said the boy. "Yas, = is," said uncle Ike,
rs the mule struck brisk trct. Especially
when you-is got lots o. gravy wild him."
Uncle Ike was silent, but seemed restless.
''An' when you got some roasted 'taters to
sop in de gravy" said the boy. Uncle Ike
used his switch with nervous energy and the
mule increased his speed to . gallop. .Yes,
Ung Ike, when de 'possum right brown, an
De gravy drennin' out, AM" "You shet
POUR mouf, you little fool! You'll make dis
mule run on an kill US boaf,"-Little Rock
Gazette.
what 10 . MascOtte9