The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-10-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

Almost anybody can run into debt;
but nearly every body has to crawl out
of it.
A New jersey woman claims to have
been knocked down and severely injured
by mosquito.
Awag suggested that suitable opening
for many choirs would be, Lord, have
mercy on us miserable singers"
$50 dark and yet so light as the
man said when he looked at his short
ton of coal.
A countrvman, on seeing the yacht
''P-s-y-c-h-e! Gosh! What a way to spell
fshr'
Say, when boy, standing on his
head, looks at his feet, does he look up
or down? Take that to the Smithsonian
institute and ponder over it,
A Florida alligator which was killed
the other day had an empty two-quart
jug liz its stomach. Alligators never
stop to measure their drinks.
A Boston widow advertises for bed
room a: least five feet square. She has
become tired of having her feet out in
the hall.
Chasing mosquitoes around your room
in your shirt and drawers with wet
towel for raquet is good practice for
lawn tennis.
During a thunderstorm out west a
book-canvasser took shelter under tree
and was struck on the cheek by light
ming. The doctors say the lightning
can't live.
Edwin Booth has been guilty of a
pun. He says no matter how many
quarrels over petty jealousies actors may
have, they always ''make up" before
going on the stage.
A hat Irritation is the latest idiocy
among the girls. There is no way that
man can wear hat that doesn't mean
something, and the only way YOU re safe
is to go bareheaded.
They don't have rains out West. A
cloud just saunters up and examines a
town, and then collapses right over it.
Nobody escapes but the newspaper re-
porters and the book agents.
''Oh, the patriots. the patriotsr' ex-
claimed Oscar Wilde; lets shut down
the window and shut off the noise. -
He was in Atlanta and it was the glori-
Gus fourth.
Stationmaster to suspici0us-looking
l1IlN Nd2CdJ WIZ HAS IASJ COiu-
partment: ''Are you first class. MADAME
Aged lady: Yes, thank you; how are
you, STRIP
Hard-Pan Logic-Physician: "And is
that all you are going to give me. 20
marks for forty visits?'' Miser: Il
should think that was enough. You
must consider that if hadn't been sick
you wouldn't have had anything"
The bite of mad boy has been prov
en- to be as poisonous as the bite of
mad dog. and yet mothers keep right
on holding them up in corners to wash
their faces and comb down their bris-
ties.
Barnum was presented to the prince
of Wales the other day, but by great
effort the Snowman kept himself from
asking the prince what his mother would
charge to come to America and ride
Jumbo. - Philadelphia Ne,cS.
Proposing a remedy for mosquitoes,
the Hammonton Hornet says; place a
small piece of raw meat on plate in
your sleeping room. and the birds will
light on it and never fly away. Our
''birds'' would fly away with the meat,
plate and all. - Camden Post.
Old gentleman Cooking at a very bob
tailed horse): BLESS mel how short
they have cut his tail" Attendant:
His master is member of the Society
for the Protection of Animals. sir In
this fashion he will not annoy the poor
flies
An Attorneys Last Hope-A certain
sharp attorney was said to be in bad
circumstances. A friend of the unfor-
tunate lawyer met Jerrold, and said:
Have you heard about poor R?
His business is going to the devil" Jer-
rold; That's all right, then; he is sure
to get it back again"
A boy named Erwry, at Michigan
City, who had been suffering terribly
from an attack of hydrophobia, was
lately relieved by smoking cigars. He
craved cigar. though he was never
known to use tobacco in any form. He
smoked it entirely up without showing
any signs of sickness from its effects,
but, on the contrary, seemed greatly
soothed. He has smoked three or four
cigars since, and each one seems to do
him great deal of good.