The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-07-22
He Knew it All.

when death ushers him into the Presence |
where the eternal glories are revealed !
will be: eyes! yes! | understand" He |
never opened his eyes with wonder.
He never asked troublesome questions
When boy, neither father nor mother
could teach him anything. He would
rather any day pound his fingers than
suffer his father to tell him how to drive
a nail. He could milk cow better than
the hired man; and was not in the least
disconnected that the udders gave not a
drop of milk; it was obstinate Polly's
fault; ''never saw such a cow" His
mother in vain endeavored to teach him
something about dress. He wore the
loudest of neckties, and, as soon as he
had liberty of purchase, the most extra
ordinarily patterned pantaloons, and
laughed at the ''old woman's" notions.
His mother was always the ''old woman"
his father always an ''old fogy."
At last they sent him to boarding
school. The father said, hopefully:
'School will knock some of the conceit
out of him." But the father either had
not read or had not needed Solomon's
wise saying: Though thou shouldst
bray a fool in mortar among wheat
with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness
depart from him." Poor Solomon evil
IDENTIFY had sorrowful experience with
men that knew it all. The school was
mortar; and the teacher and all the boys
were pestles; but not even continued
pounding did any good. The boy knew
how to hold his pen better than the
writing-master, and how to manage his
lot tb,v, +l,rc 81 ~, or
how to translate better than the Latin
teacher, and how to bat and catch better
than the ball-captain, and how to handle
his knife and fork better than the moth
erly matron who made table habits her
special care The boys called bin IRON
ically ''the boss" He took it as COM
pliment, and it added an inch to his
height. At the end of year he came
back from school with bigger stock of
assurance than he had when he went
there His genius for conceit was
amazing; admirable.
He went to college. He was at first a
little taken aback that he had dozen
conditions to work out in the summer
vacations; and for once in his life he
really did work hard, for he was
he attributed his conditions wholly to
the stupidity Of the professors; and after
he got in he faithfully fulfilled one-half
of one of Paurs exhortations; he dill
gently forgot those things that were be-
hind. No secret society would have
him; he assured himself and friends that
he would have no secret society. The
prayer-meeting could not shut him out,
and he attended regularly and spoke al
ways. He flunked with greater grace
and ease than any fellow in the class and
said ''not prepared" with as smiling self
assurance as if he had made the best
recitation of the day. He did not get
on the baseball nine, owing to the pre-
JUDGE of the captain, nor take an oratori-
cal prize, though no one could deny that
he was self-possessed on the stage. He
ought to have been valedictorian; but he
did not even get a part. He saved his
diploma by the skin of his teeth, and
carried himself SO loftily on graduating
day that some sub-freshmen, who had
come up to see how the college looked,
thought he must be President of the
Faculty.
He went into business. His father
had some influence and got him place
as clerk in a wholesale dry-goods house.
He did not know cotton, wooden and
linen apart, nor a ledger from journal;
but he was graduate of - Univer-
sity, and from his pinnacle of lofty emf
hence he looked down with serene and
lofty self-complacency upon the mem
bers of the entire establishment, from the
principal to the errand boy. He came
late and went away early; and always
wore irreproachable kid gloves, and car
ried delicate little cane. He talked OF
"our house" so largely in evening gath
erings that the girls supposed him to be
partner, and even practical men, after
they had made large discounts, still esti-
mated him at one hundred per cent. more
than his real valuation. He married, of
course, and his wife thinks that loyalty
to her husband requires that she should
think of him as highly as he thinks OF
himself She tries faithfully to be loyal,
but she is sensible woman, and it is
very hard work He is now man in
middle life. He has shifted from place
to place a dozen times, and has gone
down step or two at every shift. He
now stands at the door of retail store
in Broadway and bows the customers in.
He performs this service with such a
lovely air that country shoppers suppose
him to be the proprietor, and always ad.
dress him by the name upon the sign.
He acknowledges the compliment witt
gracious smile, but in truth counts il
40 compliment at all He assures hi;
wife that if he and the head of the house
could only change places he would make
things buzz, for he knows thing or two
and the head of the house is fool. Blu
he still wears the unreproachable kids
and he walks to church on Sunday morn.
ing with his wife, who has earned her
own dress by furtive services for com
passionate uncle, with such lordly all
that the sexton pays him as much defer
ence as though he were millionaire
and every Sunday afternoon puzzles his
head anew over the insoluble problem
why so rich gentleman should take {
pew in the gallery instead of the center
aisle.
"SeeSt thou a man wise in his owr
conceitP there is more hope of an idio
than of him. "-ChriStian Union. ..
The London Standard says that the
| N r1t inH IS =.