Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1882-06-10

Wicked New YORK men want 10 DC DC
ried iu Greenwood. because it won't burn 50
quickly sc the dry.
"rhis is two two" as the man said when
his asshetic wife presented him with the
second pair Of twins
Darwin says; "Msn, only can whistle
Darwin certainly never lived ansvhere near
a raillos crossing
A procession of men passed through tio
Bowery and were al hour passing given
point. The given point Was saloon.
Whatever YOU have TO do, DO it with yoar
might. Many lawyer has made his for
tune by simply working with will
Queen Vicioria's children stand in great
awe of their regal mamma No wonder;
she is so much g.ea, awe than they
Norway hiss discovered that telegraph
lines scare the wolves away. They are prob
ably afraid of the extor;ionatc rates.
Always pay IS you CO." said an old man
70 his nephew e"But, uncle, supposed have
nothing to pay vith" Then don't 60"
Now that Darwin las gone, We violate 10
confidence in saying that he always believed
Oscar Wilde to be the missing link.
The Boston Adrst.isv has discovered ;hai
if man na9plies himscfdiligonty 90 getting
juice ortofan orange he generally suckseeds.
Avoid that which you blame Others FOR
doing" says one of our wise men. Things
have come to q pretty pass if man cant
kiss his own wife.
A dull old lady being told that = certain
lawyer was lying at the point of death, e1-
claimed go, dear won't even death stop
that man lying!"
"Do try ana tab little common sense,
said young lady to her visitor. "Ah, but
wouldn't that be taking an unfair advantage
OF fyou?"
Even the wiscst is sometimes fool. For
example, the philosophc who woEe hisspec-
tacles when ssleep that he might recoguiz'
his friends whom he light see in his dreams.
Some men are born great, some achieve
greatness, and some cell whiskey at ten cents
glass that would make charcoal oftho in
side of stone statue.
"My son, - asked clerical parent Of hiS
hungry boy who was just in tie starvation
period, 81 wish you would make q study Of
Watts on the Mind" 81 will pa WAS the
qrick answer, "as soon IS have studied
what's on the stomach
81 never pretend TO knox thing thAt
do not" remarked Brown "When | don't
know 4 thing, say at once 4 don't know"
a very proper course" said Fogg; but
how monotonous your conversation must be.
Brown"
An old farmer was in town last week look
ing for an editors table on which 70 build
hens nest. lie explained that be had learn
ed from the papers that the biggest eggs
were always laid on the editors table, and
he wished to ascertain whether the papers
lied or not.
1hs is. the Man who has had Notice in
the Paper. How proud he is. lie is step
ping higher than blind horse. # he had
wings he.would fly. Next week the paper
will say the man il a Messly Old fraud, and
the man will not step 80 high.
In Paris the chocolate manufacturers pro
duce a great variety Of figures in their ,oo;h
some mixture. said mother to her little
boy, "Ifyou are very good, Pierrie, on Ncw
Years Jay / shall 20 10 Mcnier's and buy
you Faith, Hope and Charity" "Id ratLcr
have the twelve apostles, replied the greedy
little boy.
"Bu, / pass said minister recently ir
lisnissing one theme ofnis subject TO take
up another "Then make it spades, yc
led man from the gallery, Who was dream
inc tie happy hours away in an imaginary
game ofeuchre. It needless to say tha.
he went out on the next deal, assisted b.
one Of the deacons
The first instance where phy'icians are
mentioned in the Bible is II Chronicles XVI,
u: "And Asa, in the thirty ninth year Of
rs reign, was diseased in his feet until the
disease was exceeding great yet in his dia-
case he sought not the Lord, but the physi
cisns7 The compiler coolly adds, as Though
a natural consequence: And asa slept
with hi. fathers
An Oil City boy was recently taken to tho
opera house by lis uncle. A few evenings
subsequently there was company At his house.
aud the uncle ard snnt were among the
number Tie lad -ss relating what hesau.
aud among other things said 81 was a littic
bit afraid, COZ every time the curtain rolled
down uncle went out to see man, and lcfs
me alone.
papa" said an inquisitigc boy this
morning the dominic prayed for more r2iu,
and thi. afternoon Deacon Bixby prayed
for dry weather to get hi. hay in. Now, II
the Lord love. the deacon and the dominic
Jus, the sane, what do you soppose He'll do
about it'" My son" answered the cl- gen
tleman, .ternly, whenever you want 20 ask
foolish questions, 60 TO your mother; don't
come 20 me"