The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-28
COMIC COMMENTS.

IA Nlhiiib ctpuNes WcAl III pc
bound as the man remarked when he
heard quoted the lines, "Chains of gold are
fettcrs still. "-Lo@eN Citizen
Definition of a novel: Mr. Swing says
=" that novel is the worlds truth, with a
beautiful woman walking through tn Gen.
orally, with man after her - Burlington
Hasckeye.
: Decidedly practical William Hender
son has beck arrested out in Utah for des-
perate assault upon Mormon. William
seems to be a practical sort ofanti- polygamy
Bill ~ Y. Eoening Post
cause of the recent earthquake: It is
now understood that the recent earthquake
in the South was caused by st Louis girl
thoughtlessly jumping from buggy to the
sidewalk. : Chicago Tribune.
Live and learn Magistrate--"D Do you
know the nature of an oath, my boy? ?"
Witness promptly ~" Yes, sir. Must take
it, sir--'relse can't be member o. Parp-
ment sir.n-Lomdon Punch.
The meanest man: The meanest man
on record sent through post office presided
over by a woman a postal card on which
was written. Dear Jack Here's the de-
tails of that scandal" And the rest was in
Greek. = Boston Post
Champion Prohibitionist; Mr.. Brown
wants to punish the liquor drinker as well as
the liquor seller. Fogg says he will go a
step beyond Mr.. Brown. He wants the
liquor itself punished and no is willing to
punish oil he can of it.-Boston Transcript
Seized the occasion; $50 you would
not take me to be twenty?" said young
lady to her partner while dancing polka
the other evening. "What would you take
me for then ?" g For better, for worse" re-
piled he, and he was accepted. Anon.
From cause to effect: A bald headed
professor reproving youth for the exercise
of his fists, said 1--WE fight with our
heads at this college, The youth reflected
a moment and then replied "Ah, see,
and you have butted all your hair off,
Wait
Treatment to children "Pa," asked
Fogg's hopeful, the other evening, "what
kind of combs do they use to curry chickens
with?" Coxcombs," replied Fogg, prompt
". Fogg says he believes in always ans
wering a child when you can. boston
Transcript.
Game: Johnny Con his way to party)
ooh, Aunty, won't it be jolly The fur
and the games Don't you like partiesl
Aunt Annie" Yes, dear, l like the parties,
but l don't go SO much for such games as
you little chaps Johnny-"A forgot;
the big chaps are the game you go fornow p
London Fun.
"A bonnet popular with men ; "With
this bonnet wear the mouth OPEN" is the
code of instruction furnished by Partisan
milliner. With bonnet which shall need
the direction: "The mouth must be worn
shut with this all married men will rush in
and buy of it and be happy.-Neao Haven
Register.
"A Kentucky statesman When Ken
lucky Congressman was informed that he
could have raA tho g@raen seeds ne wanted
from the Agricultural Department. he or
claimed "Seeds what do I want seeds
for ? But hold on Yes, yes; believe do
want few" And he forthwith sent for
half bushel of cardamon Seeds the only
seeds he had any use for.--B90oklyH Eagle
Flood item "Is the levee system
failure ?" read Miss Fitzjoy in the paper
Inst evening. Well, I guess Georgina
Montrose thinks SO. She has held four
evees this season and only had nine guests
1t them all. Dear, dear. How sorry am
or her." aud she mentally took note of the
net that levees were not taking this
year and resolved to have n aoree instead. =
Men Hacen Register.
-MacShoddeigh's mistake "You have
distinguished company here" remarked
old MacShoddeigh, who was the first to
make his appearance at the select supper
given by his city friend. Distinguished
the deuce!" said the host they are the
walters. Very few of the guests have yet
arrived" 1t was mistake that might be
made at almost any select supper ON the
English plan. -.,Norristo,on Herald.
"A curious small boy: The natural inn
politeness of children is proverbial. Little
four-years old had never been Wis Wis with
colored person until yesterday, when he
astonished the /" man and brother" by call
ing out, "Say, your face black" Is itf"
was the quick reply. Well, I'll wash II off
to morrow" The little fellow is now anx-
ious to see " the man with his black washed
oif.-Ne,o HaDen Register.
Fun at dinner party: The youngest
gentleman (it is his first visit has broken
the ice at last by inquiring the name of the
hostess little daughter, TO which the child
has replied ETHEL" "And why, Ethel,
do you keep patting me ON the arm 2" Be-
cause mamma says you're muif "--(awful
pause, during which the child strokes him
down -" but You don't feel like one, you
know" [Tableau; child compliment no.
body else. -Judy.
Somewhat of his base In one of the
corridors of the alleged Palace of Justice an
old advocate sees ayoung and alleged learned
brother at distance walking alone gesticu-
lating nervously and talking to himself.
THAT man must be MS crazy as q loon-a
iuuutlc, snould say ne reinhrkeu 10
companion. "Wby SOP" "Can'tyou under
stand Sir, a lawyer who talks to himself
is as bad as confectioner who eats his own
candy Pr French Fun.
On the international trim that left yes
terday for San Antonio there was darkey
who kept sticking his head out of the car
window. keep yon head inside" said the
conductor, angrily. "Whaffor2" For
fear you will damage some of the iron work
of the bridge, you fool."--Teras SJtinga
Mr. Henry James, the Anglo-American,
askeda young lady in Washington, " IL there
not river near here called the Potomac ?"
ooh, yes, indeed, Mr. James; aud ut q
place called Mt Vernon there once dwet q
Mr.. Washington; ycu may have heard Of
him his father was an Englishman. --Har-
card Lampoon
Didn't match: g How are you and
your wife coming ON ?" asked Galveston
man of colored man. "She's run me of,
Doss." whats the matter Z" ~ is to