The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-10-27
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

When q woman wants to get rid OF
ner husband for an hour, she sends him
up stairs TO get something from the
pocket of one of her dresses.
The PLAGUE mania is over, and the
next craze will be the ornamentation of
broom-handles and stove-legs. Astove-
leg bearing Swiss view saves two per
cent. in fuel.-DetroH Free Press.
The little boy of Ashland, Neb.,
who tied cows halter about his waist
while he was leading the animal to water
will not do so any more. His name was
Hinckley. Chicago Herald.
-"Violet, dearest. do you play that
tune often?" asked Hugh Montressor of
his affianced. Eyes, pet, and when we
are married I'll play it all the time.
Then Hugh went out and shuddered
himself to death.
"A lawyer recently lost bride in a
peculiar way. He appeared at the we'd
ding, but on being called to the cere-
mOny, from sheer force of habit protest
ed that ne was not ready to proceed and
demanded delay. And so the bride got
mad and shipped him.-Boston Tran
script.
--..Do you like candy, MAJ" asked a
little Austin boy of his mother. "No.
my son, it makes me deathly sick" 81
am so glad to hear it. You are the kind
of a woman can trust to hold my candy
for me until I'm done playing. Teas
Sittings.
They say if you hold your thumb
tightly over the muzzle of a gun you
may fire the gun and the bullet won't
be made to hit your thumb. We accept
the truth of this statement at once. We
don't propose to try the experiment just
to crafty an ephemeral curiosity.-Bos-
ton Post.
Little Phil. a bright five-year-old, is
afraid of thunder. During the recent
hot spell his mother would remark: 30!
for rain" One day when she said it,
Phil thus addressed her: 20, mamma,
1 will tell you why it don't rain. When
say my prayers I des say, please
don't pay any 'tention to what mamma
says, COS I'm 'fraid of thunder.-Our
Continent.
-Jenknson is having his fortnight
off. As ne was leaving the house the
other morning, Mrs. j. presented her
lips for the customary parting kiss; but
Jenkinson, the brute, turned on his heel
with the remark: "Not this morning,
'Tilda; I'm on my vacation, you know"
Evidently Jenkinson isbound to get all
the recreation possible out of his vaca-
tion.-Boston Transcript.
AT one of the stations on the Erie
Railway lives New York book-keeper,
who is fond of green food. A gentle
man recently presented him with pine
apple, which he gleefully took home.
The next day the gentleman asked him
how he liked it. .Well." said he, 1--WE
boiled it for two hours with chunk of
corned beef, but I can't say it was as
good as cabbage. "-Courisr-Jonrnal.
An undoubted alibi: ..And you say
that you are innocent Of the charge of
stealing q rooster from Mr.. Jones?"
asked an Arkansaw Judge Of meek
looking prisoner. Eyes, sir, am limo
cent; as innocent as child" ''YOu
are confident that you did not steal the
rooster from Mr.. Jones" eyes, sir;
and I can prove it." 'How can you
prove itT' II can prove that ! didn't
steal Mr.. Jones' rooster, Judge. because
stole two hens from Mr.. Gr2ston the
same night, and Jones lives five miles
from Graston's," 1.-The proof is con-
elusive" said the Judge. discharge
the prisoner, "-Arkansaw Traveller.