The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-08-03
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

If your husband smokes, gentle
lady, treat him as you would a smoking
lamp. Don't put him out, but let him
down easy.-Boston Transcript.
Cooked his own goose: .'Mr. D.,
if you'll get. my coat done by Saturday
shall be forever indebted to you.' '.H
that's your game it won't be done,"
said the tailor.
A fashion journal says: ''June
brides are the sweetest" Maybe so; but
it is the general impression that those
who have the most sugar in their own
right are not sour, by any means.-Cht.
cGgo Herald.
The cause of the cyclone has been
ascertained. Out in the tornado-tossed
region there is band composed of fyoung
ladies who are learning to play the cor
net.-St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Some of the seaside fans this year
are large enough to cover one side of
girls face in case she bushes. Ar
rangements have been made to report
blush by telegraph, if one occurs any
where.
For the primer: See the men. One
of them is struggling. The others hold
him fast. He is bank robber. Why
do the men hold him so fastP They are
taking him to detective.-Lomsoitte
Courier Journal.
An Indiana farmer went to law
about two eggs. He paid his lawyer
$50, lost thirteen days time, paid 90
witness fees and expense, and then got
beaten and had to foot S26 costs. That's
one way of securing revenge.-Detroit
Free Press.
Reports of the revival of the national
game of base ball are very encouraging.
Five deaths have already resulted from
it in this State this season. The more
life that is thrown into the game the
more deaths result therefrom.- Norris
town Herald:
-.Ha, harn shouted the young heir,
when he read the telegram informing
him of the death of rich relation, II am
now like the north STAR" 'How SOP"
queried his companion. "Pretty well
fixed, you know" replied he, with a
smile. And thereupon several ''smiles''
succeeded each other with marvellous
rapidity.
A minister was travelling along q
country road in Scotland one day
in winter, riding rather long,
lean horse, and he himself dressed
in rather an odd-looking cap and
large ;camlet cloak, when a gentle
man came along, riding fine horse,
which scared at the preacher, and his
horse. ..Well, sir'' said the gentleman,
Eye wud scare the vera deel, sir. - '.That' 8
my business, SIR" said the preacher.
Chicago Journal.
Fashionable lady: ..Now, this is
about the worst daub of the whole col
lectionn' Distinguished academician
(of whose artistic profession his fair COM
panion is ignorant); ''Fm sorry you
should think so, for it miner Fashion
able lady: ''You don't mean to say that
you bought that?" Distinguished acade-
mician: mo; but / painted itr' Fash
ionable lady: ''O,-oh, am SO sorry!
But you really mustn't mind what | say,
for IN no critic at all. II only repeat
what everybody says, you know-a-"
Punch.
The Softest Yet: A young gentle
man of Austin, of the lackadaisical
Oscar Wilde type of idiot, hung to a
sunfiover, went into an Austin Avenue
restaurant one day recently to get some
breakfast, and, by the way, he has the
appetite of Missouri Journalist on ar
excursion, and is gifted with tha digest
i've organs of boa-constrictor ''How
do you want your eggs biled?" asked
the waiter, Il want them SOFT '.Hov
soft?" Every soft. L want them t.
match my voice. ."-Ieras Sytings.