Middletown transcript., 1882-01-06
Ghe StliddIetolun Granstript
FR1DAY ArrrRNooN, JAN. 6, 1882.
CHIPS.

Elephants are now quoted at S7,10O
each, but most people would rather
have a S1.5O turkey, even if it won't
last quite as long. Boston Globe.
Cheese it, i" said the rat to the trap.
81 will, ]" said the trap, "and with
baited breath I await your coming. !"
" All right, - responded the rat, "and
I'll wire you the result. ."-NeoO Jersey
Enterprise.
"Ma, hain't I been real good boy
since I've been going to Sunday
School 9'' "Yes, my lamb, 2 answered
the maternal parent fondly. And
you trust me now, don't you, ma ?"
g Yes, darling" Then,' spoke up
the little innocent, "what makes you
keep the preserves locked up in the
pantry the same as ever ?n- Sunday
School Tisitor.
The latest on Eyarts is that he had a
dream the other night that he was swal-
lowed by an alligator Just before the
beast took him in, the statesman began
to, let out sentence, and when he was
well swallowed the other end of the
sentence stuck SO far out of the alliga-
tors mouth that he couldn't get it
down, and he had to eject the entire
lunch. Rome Sentinel.
A young lady wl.o lies abed in the
morning until nine O'Clock, and devotes
the remainder of the day to dressing,
novel reading, worrying piano, and
shopping, almost tainted when an agent
of the paletot gender called at her
house and asked her to subscribe for
The Woman at Work. When sufi-
GENTLY recovered she told the agent
that she would find the woman at work
in the kitchen, and she would have to
go round the back way.-NorristoaCa
Herald.
She was real sweet looking lady,
with a sealskin sacque and big plush
hat, and she stood on the steps of an
uptown residence, having just pulled
the bell. 81 called to see, I" said she to
the lady of the house, who was very
red in the face from frying doughnuts
over the kitchen fire, " if you wished to
give anything to the heathen to-day
''No, don't want to give anything to
the heathen to-day. just give the
woman next door piece of my mind
about her scallawag Of a boy that broke
down my plants. That's all I can af-
ford for the heather, just now.''-
Weaver.
Farmers do get up the most absurd
questions here's one to rural weekly
Why does Timothy run out ?'' Well
now, what kind of a boy do they sup
pose Timothy is, anyway He may
run out because the old woman's going
to brand him with hot iron, or be-
cause his brother has upset the stove,
or because there's an organ grinder out
on the sidewalk, or because he's set
down on gridiron and wants to get
where he can cool off, or because
there's a circus going by and chance
to throw bombs at the elephant, or
because-well now, why shouldn't he
go out anyway Do you think he's
bound to stay in the house all the time
Rome Sentinel.
"Look here, Matilda" said Gal
weston lady to the colored cook, "you
sleep right close to the chicken house,
and you must have heard those thieves
stealing the chickens" Yes, ma'am,
!. I Iheerd de chickens holler, and heerd
de voices OBJ de men, "Why didn't
YOU 90 out then Pn "Case, ma'am
bursting into tears), case, ma'am, I
knowed my ole fadder was out dar, and
/ wouldn't hab him know Use lose con-
fdence in him foah all de chickens in
the world. If / had gone out dar and
kotched him, it would hab broke his
ole heart, and he would hab me tote de
chickens home foah him besides. He
done tole me day before dat he's gwine
to pull dem chickens dat night. - Gal
Ueston Nesrs.
One of the best natured men of jack
son, Michigan, played it on the boys of
that city, recently, in way they will
remember for long time. He bought
a large cast iron bullfrog, such as are
sold for paper weights, and placed it on
a log out in the river, and then let ma
ture take its course. Boys on their
way to school, and boys on their way
anywhere or nowhere, would see the
frog and pick up stone and let drive.
Not one stone in thousand would hit
the frog, and it wouldn't make any diff
ference if stone did hit him, as he
was spiked down. The fun was kept
up until people began to complain Of
the slack water, which flooded their
gardens and cellars, and which was
caused by the dam created by the
stones that had been thrown into the
river. Then the frog was removed
PecE's San.
SILVER CREEK, N. ",
Fab 1000