The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1882-03-25
Spelling and Pronunciation.


The following affecting tale is commended
to all, says The Educational Reporter who
wish to test their ability in spelling and pro-
nunciation. 1t is the production of friend
of ours. Some might think he was labor
ing under spell, and pronounce him in
sane, but we assure them that there is no
ground for any such suspicion.
ROLAND AND DIANA.
Roland and Diana were lovers. Diana
was ephemeral but comely, hypoehondriacal
but not lugubrioas, didactic but not dis
honest, nor given to ribald or truculent
grimaces. Her pedal extremities were,
perhaps, trife too large for playing organ
pedals successfully, but her heart was not
at all adamantine, and her address was per-
emptory without being diffuse. Roland,
on the orher hand, was of a saturnine coun-
tenance, at ence splenetic and combafiye in
disposition, so that his wassails and orgies
almost maniacal in their effects. He was
telegrapher by profession, having received
a diploma from Caius College, but aggran-
died his stipend by dabbling in philology,
orthoepy and ZOOLOGY during his leisure
hours, so that he was accused of fetichism
and tergiyersation by his patrons. Still,
his accumen and prescience were such that
only misogynist would discern that he was
an aspirant for the gallows. His aeetie,
rather than his ascetic nature, naturally in
clined him to visit chemical laboratory,
well filed with apparatus, to which he had
access, whence he often returned with glo-
bules of iodine and albumen on his caout-
chouc shoes, which subjected him to the
risk of numerous alterations with his
landlady, a virago and pythoness in one,
and with the servant, her accessory or ally.
Roland had, however, become acclimated to
his place, received everything with equabil-
ity, reeTned upon the divan where he con-
templated the elysium where Diana dwelt,
and addressed donatiye distiehes to her in
the subsistence Of raillery There was
certain diocesan who endeavored to dispos-
sess Roland in the affections of Diana He
had sent Diana ring with onyx, chalee-
donic variety of stone, and once hung a
placard where he knew she would see it
from her easement, but she steadfastly re-
jected his overtures and ogled him as if he
were dromedary. The diocesan betook
himself to absolutory prayers, but continued
his digressions and inquiries Roland be-
came cognizant Of this amour, and, armed
with a withe, he inv -ighed against this gay
LOthario, who defended himself with a
falchion until Roland disarmed him, hough-
ing bis palfrey withal. After the joust, the
prebendary abjectly apOlogized, albeit in a
scarcely respirable condition, then hastened
to the pharmaeeuticis @rie for copaiba.
morphine, and quinine, and was not seen
again till the next Michaelmas. Roland
returned on Thanksgiving Day, took an IN
yentory Of his possessions, which consisted
of large package of almond cement, a
package of envelopes, a dish of anchovy
sauce, tame falcon, book of acoustics, 2
miniature Of a mirage, treatise on the
epizootic, stomaeher lined with sarcenet,
cercment Of sepulture, cadayer, and a
bomb. The next day the hymeneal rites
were performed, and Diana became thence
forth his faithful coadjutant and housewife.