The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1882-03-13

Things one would rather have left unsaid.-
Vicar (who, until last Sunday, has always
preached HIMSELF: "Well, and how did you
like my young curate's sermon?" Mrs. Robin
son: "Oh, quite the best we have heard for
years We all said so!"-Punch,
Misses White Boots and Slippers at F. W.
Dearborn's, 3S1 Congress street.
An article in an exchange is headed, Zone
Spot Where Snow will not Lie" Snow is en-
tirely different from the average Democratic
stump speaker in this respect. You cannot put
the latter in a spot where he will not lie
Norristown Herald.
I had severe attacks of gravel and kidney
trouble. was unable to get any medicine or
doctor to cure me until 1 used Hop Bitters,
and they cured me in a short time.--A DIS
TINGUIsHED LAWYER OF WAYNE Co., N. Y.
Fond Parent-almost bursting into tears
Angelina, my love, have bad news for you.
Heaven knows, my child, I would spare you
the sorrow if could, but n-Daughter-
Speak quickly! My love, my promised hus-
band-Fond Parent-Is gambler! Daughter
o, Pa, is he lucky?-From the French.
A pure strengthening tonic, free from whis-
key and alcohol cures dyspepsia, and similar
diseases. 1t has never been equalled. Browns
Iron Bitters.
Profound thought by middle-aged man:
In the life of man are two critical periods. The
first is toward his Goth year, when he anxiously
inspects his upper lip to see if the hair is COM
ing out And the second is toward his 40th,
when he as anxiously inspects the top of his
head to see if his hair is coming out-From
the French
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
the great medicine for the cure of all female
complaints, is the greatest strengthened of the
back, stomach, nerves, kidneys, urinary and
Genital organs of man and woman ever known.
Send for circulars to Lydia E. Pinkham,
Lynn, Mass.
The other day was present while lawyer
was drawn up contract for Signor Antonio
Pastor and variety "star.' When the docu-
ment was ready for the signature, the legal
gentleman proceeded to read. He began:
don' MT broke in the .sstar.' '.wot dyer take
me fur, chummies? Yer don't find this child
in Their fust part. I'm in the olio, and won't
do two turns for nobody, neitherl" With con-
siderable difficulty the legal phrase was ex-
planned and the contract was signed.-Mirror.
Food for reflection Mince pie, cheese, lob
ster salad. No sleep Time to think.-New
Orleans Picayune.
Dr. G. w. Benson, of Baltimore, Nd, pre-
pares skin cure that is the best thing for
skin diseases ever known. It cures eczema,
letter, ripg-worm and all rough and scaly skin
diseases in the shortest time. Sold by all
druggists at ST. per package.
1t isn't the whiskey in Kentucky that makes
mischief; it is the whiskey in Kentuckians.-
Courier-Journal.
Admonition! Cure your cough thoroughly
with Hale's Honey of Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops cure in one minute
Brown says he hates 1nquisitiye people, and
the worst kind of inquisitiveness, he thinks, is
that exhibited by the man who stops him in
the street and wants to know when he is going
TO nav that little bill.-Somerville Journal.
Rescued from Death.
William j. Coughlin, of Somerville, Mass
SAYS In the fall of 1876 / was taken with
BLEEDING OF THE LUNGS followed by severe
cough. I lost my appetite and flesh, and was
confined to my bed. In 1877 was admitted to
Al. Hoc,;+o1 Tho doctors said T had a hola in