The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-09-14
Wanted a Job.

Yesterday a man came into the Boom
erang Office with the air of man who is
tired of this earth and wants to wing
his way to land of forgetfnlness and
plunge into the depths of oblivion.
After he had taken seat on the tete a.
tete aud hung his hat on the escritoire,
he said:
"I'm a newspaper man myself. Didn't
know but you might want good man
on the staff, somebody to write up the
sad features of life and furnish the tear
full wall, as it we're. Life is full of woe,
and in my estimation every paper should
have q woe editor. am we'll fitted for
that position as you will see if I may be
allowed to 60 on and detail my own ex-
perience to you. went down into Kan
sas and started a small paper in q town
on the Santa Fe road, with the assurance
that would meet with the cordial aid
and sympathy of the people there. I
didn't expect to do big business, but I
just wanted to run little modest paper
with patent telegraph news and cleo
trotype editorials in it. The first week
my patent inside didn't get there, and I
had to print that issue on some paper
bags that got from our leading grocer.
This was an advantage, because his ad.
was already printed on the first page and
it saved the wear and tear of display
type. Still, the paper looked meager,
and did not attract the attention / had
administration nor boom up the town as
I had anticipated.
1.-THE next week I wrote up little
social party and gave the name of o
young man who was drunk aud frolic-
some and shot ont all the lights. Healso
shot an old man who was calling Off the
dance.
II thought the press ought to be fear-
less and outspoken if the occasion re.
quired and 1 wrote it up carefully and rs
I thought. fairly, but the young man
man came around the next day AID con-
WINGED me that / was wrong. 1 was
writing scathing article Cd agnosticism
when he came in and kr5cked me under
the job press with chair. didn't
know him at all ara thought it was
rather eccentric fora tbtaI stranger. SO
when got up again / told him 90. Then
he jammed me into the wood box and
poured keg of ink and can of coal oil
on me before ] could have an under
standing with him.
Then be went away.
THAT evening he came with some
friends and bought the good will of the
establishment, and the whole Office and
subscription list of me. He had the ad-
vantage of me, and bought it low. l
felt that was making sacrifice, but I
was afraid I might not have another OPP
portunity to sell. 30 sold. The price,
Of course, was nominal, but the induce
ments held out we're not to be ignored
"Since then I have started three
papers, and had three large and hotly
contested fights. Ny collar-bone has
been broken in two places, and my doc
tor bills have Away been larger than the
other expenses of the Office. The dentist
has pulled teeth out Of my palate ever
since / entered the newspaper business.
As soon as got so could see with both
eyes one of them has been closed up on
me, and my nose has ct different times
pointed around all over my face.
''What want now il Q chance to work
on some paper incog., - l might say,
and where will be by myself. can
take most any current event and tinge it
with sadness. can give an air Of hope
less melancholy to the occurrences OF
every day life that will make your paper
known all over the world. will admit
that this. is an innovation in journalism,
perhaps, and will take, ! think, and /
know that if / can succeed in imbuing
into my work that settled air Of gloom
that feel, your paper will win for itself
in . short time the name of being the
most CHASTITY record Of disappointment
and grief-stricken, horror-soaked re-
morse in the WORLD"
The manager stopped few moments
and then said. while his voice was
choked with emotion, that the Opaque
gloom department was ably Allied ct
present, and the stranger went ont into
the cold, hard, unsympathetic outer
world, taking With him his leaden bur-
den Of voc and . silk umbrella that
stood in the half Bill Nye.
II ever an outraged host hastened the
departure OF . guest Il had Welcomed
with no little politsness and consldera-
ton, that host is the American people to-
day and that guest u the obfuscated
spendthrift Congress OF the United
States just about to fall TO pieces OF its
own demoralised aud unpFincipled OK,
srsvaganoes. II philadelphia Times.
I N. p. willis once said: THE sweetest
thing in life is the unolopded Welcome Of
. wife," This u trpe. indeedg but when
her welcome 10 clouded with IN stmos-
phere Of angry woFds I'D coal scuttIee,