Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-08-08
ALL SORTS OF NONSENSE.

More terrible than big guns: Eng
land should have supplied the Egyptian:
with toy pistols.-Boston Transcript.
Nautical: The young skipper who
takes party of girls out sailing should
content himself with hugging the shore,
-NttV Orleans Pcdyune.
Wants it from the keg: "Don't put
in no muskeeter nettin' for me-" said
Aunt Hannah. ~ don't want to
breathe no strained air.-BoSton Tran
script.
Feminine biography: Some latter
day philosopher has said: "Send me all
the dresses a woman has worn in the
course of her life and 1 will write her
biography from them."-Judge.
Art of advertising: "Yes,n said the
Georgia editor, "Pm going to fight a
duel. Not that there's anything to
fight about, but all the other papers are
advertising that way."-Boston Post.
Sambo's heaven: The ArkanSa,e
Trareler's aged colored person says:
'My idea of de better worl is whar dar
is election goin' on all de time, case
den de white folks is alters perlight."
Reasonable inference: Mrs. Siddons
and the older school of actresses were
very poor and lived plainly-at least
the London papers of that time make
no mention of her losing her diamonds.
Boston Transcript.
Art item: .
Where, when 1t was known, she was stared
And some person said, with a very bad grace
That he knew she could paint, by the looks
her face i-,IlfTgP.
"YOu write q beautiful hand. |
wish / had such a hand" said Mr..
Flasher to lady clerk at the hotel.
"Am l to consider this as proposal"'
asked the bright lady. "Well-er-yes
if my wife is willing to let me off,"
replied the accomplished Flasher
Springfield Republican.
In Egypt:
The Khedive in his harem sits,
And things 20 harum scarum,
The Sultan gets insultan notes,
And has To sit and barum.
Baltimore AIperieaa.
An important off" A father scolds
his son for his nun erous youthful err
rors:, "Really, father, you were once
young; did you never frolic?"
Never" said the father, with
melancholy sigh; "when |
was young L had no money, and
when l became rich it was too late."-
Paris Paper.
Love at the seashore: ooh, Harold"
said she as she chung closer to his arm,
show very quiet and restful thesea seems
to be this evening"" "Just as would like
a wife to be-" was the response. "And
would you, as husband, be the quiet
restful complement of such a wife,"
He thought he could, and the launch
into the sea of matrimonial difficulties
was thus quietly made. There's sure to
be a gale, however.-Nep HareR Regis
ter.
A summer agony: 1t doesn't seem
possible to exhaust the agonies of this
agOnizing period. The young ladies
from the city who are rusticating in the
suburbs" ifnOt farther out of town,
white a miniature hay-rake out of
white poplar and send it to their gentle
men friends in town. This signifies; eff
you want to see US as Maud Muller take
the next train for the country and the
young gentlemen count up their change
and mutter: at might have been, only
lOI lOCh Will pttolSOOeblup'
Nclr Huren Register.
Styles in dogs: The prevailing style
of dog for this season will not be chang
ed in any marked degree. The window
brush dog continues to continue in favor
among young women who have been
crossed in love and have the dyspepsia. A
favorite style of has princess nose and
and is trimmed with an ostrich plume tail
tightly curled over the pOlonaise. The
prince Albert cutaway sausage dog is
not used in warm weather. City dogs
that undertake to depoulate the country
fields of the ornate and festive bull will
be gored. Shaggy dogs will be worn
with the hair bouffant around the neck,
plain about the waists and pOlOnaise
and a pompadour tail.-Brookbm Ea-
gle.