Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-10-25
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.

NeeOs
The starch-makers in the west are
proposing to combine, the object being
OF course, to stiffen the price.
HE comet has a head "a, 900 miles
long. It ought to know pretty well
what 1t is doing. Lowell Courier.
Two Montana men, while sinking a
NINE, broke into a subteranean cavern
filled with skeletons. From the number
of deadheads IN the pitt must have beer
an old theater.
| HE goose bone indicates a mild win
ter, the corn husk a severe winter. and
the beaver dams a-well, the beaver
| dams a severe winter if he has any sense.
Boston Star.
THIS is about the season of the year
when the coal dealer comes out In an ex-
ira heavy overcoat, and advances the
price Of coal fifty cents a ton-1fiddLe-
torn Transcript
OUT west q man is considered nobody
unless he has "killed his man." There
is where young physicians have the adj
vantage over the average man, in migrat-
ing west.-Low. CIT.
4" How have the mighty fallen ?"
Well, some slip up on a banana skin.
some use the money of the bank for
speculation, and fail to connect. and
others fall III coal chutes in the dark
A BOOK called "Button on Partner
ship is advertised. It would require
more than one button to hold some part
nerships together. A paddock on 'em
wouldn't do it.-NorriStoeOn Herald.
FIRST Baker, see by the papers that
the wheat crop is immense this year.
| Second Bakeries; 1 noticed that, and
have just told my men to use stronger
yeast. We must make our loaves larger.
&C AGRICULTURALIsT, writes to know
| how to keep seeds from the depredations
Of mice? Answer-Keep IL mice full
of cheese, which we believe they prefer,
when they can get it, to seeds.-The
Judge,
A TEACHER IN one of our public
schools last week asked one Of her pu-
pills why his brother was not present,
and his answer was: "Please, mann,
he's got the tiger fever. "-Bo8ton
Courier.
TIE weekly papers are just now full of
editorials on the duty of the citizen"
The duty Of the citizen is to put on his
iannels at the first cold snap, and then
he won't have pneumonia Chicago
Inter- Ocean.
WIFE. "Can't you take me to the
Yahoo restaurant some evening, my
dear?" Husband. ''No, darling, it is
disreputable" Wife. ''Then, dear,
why do you bring home it's marked nap
kins in your pockets?''
A RECENTLY suspended foreign mi3is-
ter, while passing through London on
his return to this country, registered
himself at Bowles' American Agency as
"Colonel --, American Minister,
-, IN rought for home"
''WHERE's the molasses, Bill ?" said
a woman sharply to her son, who had re-
turned with an empty jug. "None IN
the city, mother. Every grocer has a
big blackboard outside, with the letters
chalked on it, n. Q. molasses. !"
QUEBEc farmer, while returning
from his moving lot, with his scythe
over his shoulder, was struck by light
ming and instantly killed. This showed
what little use the universe has of a man
who mows with scythe in 1882.-H0o0k-
ege.
WHILE at Alexandria Bay President
Arthur sent his shoes down to be BACKED.
One of the little darks who officiates as
a bell-boy at the hotel put the feathers
on and triumphantly said: GIVE stood
IN the presidents Shoes" The other
boys followed suit.
"UNoLE JOHN" said little Emily, do
you know that baby that was fed on
elephants milk gained twenty pounds in
one week." 'sNopsense! Impossiblep'
exclaimed Uncle John; and then he
asked, Whose baby was it?'' "The
| elephants" said the little girl.
"No Indian ever had his pony shod, I"
observes the Detroit Free Press, and
yet the Indian department is charged
with $4,000 worth Of hCrsesboes per
year. Oh, that's all right. The In
| dams hang 'em over the doors of their
wigwams to bring good luck. Nor.
Her.
''YEs," said the burlesq1le actress,
CT think that editor is the neanest, most
contemplate wretch in existence. He
! doesn't want me to succeed. What
has he done ?" "Done You know that
scandal about me in Chicago ?" "Yes;
| did he primo it?" "Print It No; he
wouldn't; that's it.
a NoRRIsTowN man who couldn't live
within his income, was advised to dis
pense with a few luxuries. He immedi-
ately sold his gun and hunting dog and
bought a share in yacht. Many man
would have smoked cheaper cigar, and
made his wife wear her last years dress.
-NorfiSt0C'l Herald.
LEGAL adviser drawing up the old
geutieman's willy: Um-seerns a pity
GU should cut off your son with shIl-
ling. But if you're decentralization
what about the pictures? You have
very valuable collection, sir" Crusty
invalid: ''Oh, drat the pictures Leave
EN- to the blind asylum !''-Pualch,
a STORY is told of cool Bostonian
when undergoing q savage cross-examin-
ation. General Butler had badgered
him numerically, and finally said with
a mixture of solemnity and fierceness:
"Can you look me in the eye aud repeat
that ?'' The witness looked at him a
moment and asked quietly: Which
eye?"