River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-02-09
IN A NUTSHELL.

The intelligent compositor left out
the letter d in paragraph about a
beautiful actress, and informed the
public that the crows focked to her
wherever she went.
A New York man was imprisoned
thirty days for stealing so cents. Served
him right, the rascal. He should have
stolen half million dollars and bought
the court.
Young lady suddenly starting):
"My goodness !" Young gentleman
llate stayer): whats the matter I"
Yougg lady (glancing at the clock);
Nothing; | thought / heard the milk
man.
"What is the best attitude for self
defense?" SAID pupil, putting ON the
gloves, to well-known pugilist. keep
a civil tongue in your head" was the
significant reply.
Eyes" vociferated a speaker, growing
eloquent, Eternal vigilance is the price
of liberty r. Children half price"
piped a voice, and the orator sat down
with tears in his eyes.
The Bag pas- of the Yankee girl OF
the. are small, tapering, and beauti-
fully shaped, her l are as beautiful as
the ", and she is without her frown
is +, and her figure excites III of sur.
prise and laundering - her.
All the particulars: Colonel" said
man who wanted to make out a
genealogical tree, Colonel, how can i
become thoroughly acquainted with
my family history" Simply by run
ming for congress-" answered the col
onel.
Some one has discovered that Lord
Nelson omitted to wash his hands for
the space of eight years." He must
have had some very important business
''on hand" all those years, and didn't
want to wash it off.
A useful employee" No." said the
plumber of his assistant, Harry isn't
much of workman, but he's profit
able man for me. He's such masher
that the cooks will keep the water
pipes frozen up all the time so as to
have him around"
In the island of Borneo no young
man is allowed to pay his respects to a
head of one or more of his enemies.
We want to hire some young Borneans,
ambitious to marry, to come to Oil
City to see the men who continually
paralyze us with the remark: "This is
pretty nice weather for this time of the
year. oil City Derrick.
How long would it take to 60 to the
moon ?" asks an occasional reader. 1t
much depends upon the route you take.
If you 60 by way of rock blast, or
dynamite upheaval, you would prob
ably arrive in about fifteen minutes,
but if you went by the Guiteau trial
express, you wolnd strike it about when
the twilight was settling down upon
eternity. Rome Sentinel.
do you believe in Bronson Alcott's
theory of aesthetic eatingg' asked a
Boston lady of her Chicago admirer.
Il don't know what Bronson Alcott's
theory of aesthetic eating is" he an
swered, but when I'm huEgry brace
of mutton chops, some porterhouse
steak, dozen or two buckwheat cakes,
four soft-boiled eggs and plate of hash
make a meal that is aesthetic enough
for me-" Yes, yes, but you don't un-
derstand me-" impatiently added his
fair interrogation; Mr.. Allcott's theory
has reference to persons, not to pigs. =
Brooklyn Eagle.
Father" asked Johnny, "what is a
| Logo" "a log, my son, replied Brown,
stealing hasty glance at Mrs. B. to see
if she was listening for his answer, "a
log, my son, is a big piece of wood OF
timber. Why do you ask, Johnny p
'It tells in this story about heaying the
log, and it says the ship went fourteen
knots an hour. What does it mean by
knots, father? ?" "Knots, Johnny p
knots Why,you have seen LOCAL
most always covered with knots hay
emit you? Well, that's what it means
fourteen of them-the ship got by
fourteen of them in an hour. That's
all Johnny" said Brown, with sigh
of relief that he had got out of it SC
easily.