Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-09-07
Aamoruns Reparttnent.
THE TEXAS CENTIPEDE.


This interesting insect is not so much cele
brated for its amiability of disposition as for
it's good looks, but, at the same time, we can
not recommend it either as parlor ornament
or as toy for child to play with, unless it
is a secondhand child that nobody has any
particular use for. Centipedes are of different
sizes, but they are all made pretty much after
the same pattern. They are made up of about
one-third sting, one-third bite, and one-third
general cussedness. They are caSemated with
a shell that is as hard as the bark of board
ing house cranberry pie. The length OF the
centipede varies very much, but if Il centipede
wants to get mention in the local paper, he
has to stretch himself out to about nine inches
in length. We have never read of one that
measured less. His body, which is success
sion of fiat joints, is not as broad as some OF
the jokes gotten off by circus clowns, being
not much broader than an ordinary mans
finger. The centipede is built on the iron-clad
system, although it does not make quite as
much noise as the English fleet bombardlng
Alexandria, In fact, the centipede is not
musical at all, but if it happens to crawl over
a man it will make him very musical immedl-
ately.
It's head or bow, comparing it to an iron
clad, is armed with a pair of pncers, which,
besides being as venomous as the editor OF
party organ, can bite the end off an iron safe.
Each side is armed with about forty short
legs, and each leg is armed with sting like
that of a wasp. The centipede terminates in
pair of hooks, which like it's pincers, are red
hot, so we have been told by an innocent
young man who undertook to pick it up by its
stem. When centipede anchors his head
in the feshy anatomy of human being,
throws out his two graphing irons from his
rear, and then draws it's eighty odd, very odd,
L. hrsy, foor fn
of an Irish landlord to see how the little pet
holds.
The bite of the centipede rarely causes death,
but it makes the bitten party wish he were
dead, for short time, at least, and leaves an
ugly sore. The statement that the bite OF the
centpede does not cause death is liable to cor
rection The centipede is very apt to become
''remains" after it bites person, as there is
quite prejudice against it, For this reason
it is very much secluded in it's habits, living
in retirement among the rocks of old build
ings. Its diet is believed to be insects that
are not as heavily armed and iron-clad. Why
the centipede was created in the first place,
and what good purpose it serves, are profound
mysteries to the ordinary intellect.
One evening, about dusk, Texas gentle
man. of scientific turn Of mind, was sitting
on his front gallery, when his attention was
called to an extraordinary meteorological con-
catenation, as circus men say. A peculiar
shaped cloud seemed to reach down from the
sky, and then draw itself up again, very much
after the manner of those cyclOnic clouds IN
Iowa. The gentleman was very much inter-
ested in this meteorological perturbation, which
he attributed at first to atmospheric influences,
when it occurred to him that the peculiar
cloud or water-spout might be nearer than the
distant horizon. He took off his hat, and
found that his surmise was correct. Fastened
to the rim of the hat by it's hind claws was
beautiful centipede about nine inches long.
The peculiar meteorological phenomena was
produced by the insect drawing itself up and
letting itself down in it's efforts to find nose
or some other feature to hang on to in order
to facilitate it's descent. AS the gentleman
had comparatively short nose the insect was
foiled. 1t died shortly afterward by the gen.
tleman accidently stepping on it about a dozen
consecutive times with the heel of his boot.
AS we have already stated, centipedes are
comparatively rare in the we'll settled portion
of Texas, being usually found in bottle of
alcohol in the showcase Of some druggist,
who has taste for the beautiful. In this
particular, centipedes differ from some men.
They are much more peaceful and harmless
when in liquor than otherwise. With cent?
pedes as with Indians, the only good ones are
those that are dead.-1e1as Sytings.
CHANGE OF MIND-'There is certain
man in this town whom Pm going to lick
until he won't be out of bed for six months
after, and I want to know what 1t will cost
me?''
So said a man who entereda Griswold street
law Office yesterday, and it was plain to be
seen that his dander was way up.
"Let's see?" mused the lawyer. CPL de-
fend you for $40. Ityou lick him in first
<,,., ,,,on,or xonr/6po will ho ahOut SD5
Then there will be few dollars costs, say
enough to make the whole thing foot up
$40. 1 think fhat can safely promise you
that it won tcost you over that"
Forty dollars! Forty dollars for licking
man! Why,N can't go that %
'sWell, pull Mis- nose then. The last case l
had of that sort The fine was only SIS. That
will reduce the gross sexQ to thirty?"
81 want to tear him al to pieces, but l
can't afford to pay like that>tor the fun.
How much would it cost to spit of>Sim ?'
"Well, that's an assault, you knowNbut the
fine might not be over ten dollars. Nguess
S25 would see you through"
LANDS how 1 want to crush that man
Suppose knock his hat off 20
''Well, about $40 would cover that"
81 can hardly hold myself, but $40 is pretty
steep. Can't call him liar?"
s'Oh, yes. T think SIS would cover that"
"Well, I'll see about it. Pm either going
to call him liar or else tell everybody that
he is no gentleman, or else give him an awful
pounding. I'll see you again."
my fee is S." observed the lawyer.
s'What for %
'For my advice"
The pulverizer glared at him for half a min
ute, and then laid down ''V," and started
out slowly with the remark:
ssI'm going straight to that man and beg his
pardon, and tell him I'm the biggest fool
but one claw on me me!''-Free Press.
ELI PERKINS ON MAUCH CHUNK.-Eli
Perkins, not entirely unknown in Philadel-
phia, lectured in Mauch Chunk recently, and
here is what he says in the New York Stor:
Mauch Chunk, Pa, is pronounced Mock Chunk
1t is situated on, and sometimes under the
Lehigh river. 1t is queer old town. 1t is
built in crack in the earth. On either side
you have to look straight up about half a mile
before you can see daylight. The sun rises
there at 8 in summer and sets at 4. In Janu-
ary, when the sun runs low, it does not strike
Mauch Chunk at ALL The people receive their
light as they do in Norway in midwinter-
finest Episcopal church and the best equipped
hose company in Pennsylvania The deacons
of the church are the officers of the hose COM
pany. The other day the fire bells rang i'll the
middle of the sermon, and in less than two
minutes sixty-four members Of the church
had slung off their plug hats and appeared at
the brakes in red shirts and fremen'S hats
A few miles down the river from Mauch
Chunk are Bethlehem and Allentown. One
day the superintendent of the Sabbath school
in Mauch Chunk was examining the school.