The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-02-21
sPOOPENDYKE OBJECTS.
He and His Better Half Discuss the
Question of His Going to Bed

He and His Better Half Discuss the
Question of His Going to Bed
Mad.
Brooklyn Eagle.
"Say, my dear !" roared Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, as he dashed into the room aud
fell in chair, "did you know that that
section of stove pipe, with handy legs
and a Presbyterian steeple nose, had
published book about you and me 2
"No!" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke
"Yous don't tell mel Is it anything like
Napoleon Bonaparte crossing the Alps ?"
No, it amt anything like Napoleon
Bonaparte crossing the Alps!'' sfiorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "And it amt any,
thing like Julius Hsnnibal crossing the
Helespont! Nor it amt anything about
Qaeen Victoria! It's about you and
me, ! tell you.ssIt,s all about our pri-
vate life, and the idiot always represents
me as going to bed mad %
81 don't think that there's anything
in our private life to be ashamed Of"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, "and as to your
going to bed mad you generally do,
don't you, dear2'
"Whatlf ! dop howled Mr.. Spoop
endyke. "S'pose / want to 20 to bed
on every news stand in the country done
up in cheap binding and bad type p
Think want posters out on the fences,
'Spoopendyke going to bed mad. in pa
per Is cents; Spoopsndyke going to bed
mad, with additions and preface by the
author, price so cents; Spoopendyke
going to bed mad, bound in cloth, with
beveled edges; children cry for it and
doctors recommend it, price SIP Got
an idea that | want to go to bed mad in
twenty -four editions, with a row with a
news company, printers bills unpaid
and paper manufacturer bowling for
bis money! Wah-h-h h." yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "It's book. / tell you !!
Cut on the edges, pasted on the back,
covered On the outside and reading
matter all over! Know what book is :?
The only difference between book and
your mouth is that, the book shuts up
once in while! Who gave him the
facts ?" and Mr.. SpoopendYke leaned
back in his chair and frothed at the
mouth. ,..s
What does the man say in his book p
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke. n.e
"He don't saw anything! He don't
get chance! You do all the talking,
like you do at home! o., you're great
woman now! It's Mrs. Spoopendyke.
this, and Mrs. Spoopendyke that, and
Mrs Spoopendyke around the corner,
and Mrs. .Spoopendyke over the. fence.
Shakspeare's nowhere. You. are the
leading literary character of the day =
Who gave him the facts Who puryey.
ed The information? Who told him you
were an idiot that only needed a wash
bill and brother.in-law to be Guiteau
trial 7" .s-
II don't quite know what you mean,"
faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke. 81 know
about the Guteau trial and hope Mrs.
Porter will win it., But i dent know
anything about being literary. and1 as
for Shakespeare, / tlSok be Is almost as
abstruse as the Board of EducatioH.'
"What / want to know is, who gave
him the factsr' roared Mr.. Spoopen-.
dyke. "Who gave this ten cent author
with FIVE acre reputation the facts p
How'd he ever find out that you didn't
know any more about keeping house
than frog does about keeping bank
account?"
"I'm sure / don't know, dear" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke soothingly. "MaybeI
he is only newspaper man who pub
fishes facts Grst and then trust to luck
to find them out afterward; "What does
he say about me y 's4
Say about you" squealed Mr.. Spoop,
endyke. "He don't say enough! He
only leaves the impression that q dia
mond drill, a steam engine, fair, weather
and low wages might make an impres
sion on your skull! Do you appreciate
the enormity of the situation2 Do you
reach out and grasp, compreheusively,
the unallerable fact that your. market
value is twenty-five cents in paper and
81 in cloth? Can, you absorb the idea
that in illustrating your red, white and
blue virtues he has dragged me into his
book, SO as to give character to p
"Does he mention you, too2" ex
claimed Mrs. Spoopentlyke, with an cir
of indignation. av s7s 4
Mr. Spoopendyke rose to his feet
Slowly he divested himself of his cloth
ing and slammed the various articlesaon
the floor, keeping his eye fixed on his
trembling wife.
"Mrs! Spoopendyke," said, he, as he
pranced into bed, ''be kind enough to
regard me as the cheap edition The
honor of cloth, with beveled edges, gold
letters on cover and the name spelled
wrong belongs to you. With that and
YOUR literary attaiuments, combined with
your disposition to reflect discredit on
an insane jackass, you only need your
corners turned down, your back tore off
to be circulating libraryP With
which profound illustration of his con-
tempt for the situation, Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke drew his pillow over his head and
kicked vigorously. @ ~
II don't care," thought Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, as she ran gathering string
through the neck of the babY's new
wrapper; "if the man says that Mr..
Spoopendyke goes to bed mad every
night he tell the truth, and if he does
that don't care what he says about me.
What wonder most about is how long
a speech the nforeman of the jury will
make about Mr.. Guitead." 10 aa48sf
And Mrs Spoopehdyke erawled In on
her side of the couch and then Topped
out again to see if the man under the
bed had not BY some possibility got into
the match safe and pulled the cover over
himself. l, s6s 49i3i
A Condemned Mans Little Daugh.