Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-10-05
Hn,uorpus Department.
CLICK IF IN TWO MINUTES. -


Riding along the highway between Eufaula
and Union Springs, came upon native Ala
bamian seated on a log by the roadside. lie
was perfect picture of call broke up" He
looked sick, his clothes were ragged, and he
was barefooted in May because he had no
boots to wear. He looked up in weary way
rs halted, and when l asked about the road
he shook his head and replied:
''Don't bother me, stranger-I'm clean gin
out.''
''What' the trouble -
''Oh, everything I've had
sickness and losses and lawsuits and tribula-
to die all by myself, and Pm expecting every
mint to hear the toot of the horn.''
"That's too bad."
siYes it's bad. The old woman she'll have
to peg alone, and the children will have to dig
out or starve, and some other man will wOllop
my old mule and kick my dog. It's bad, bad,
but I've got to 60. They'll find my dead body
out here and plant it in some swamp, and
that'll be the last Of me.
''Can't help you any way 20
stranger, are We blutfng -
'sNo.'
REALLY mean it %
''Of course"
'sThen put your hand right thar an squeeze !
Them's the first kind words l'Ve heard in
twenty vars. Patch my life if don't feel
like living three months longer!'
Have plug of tobacco 20 ...--..-.
ssWmI? Will drowning man holler fur
raft ?'' EF
He took the plug and tore away quarter of
it at one bite, and as the taste began to come,
he cried out
'sStranger, it's heap better than going to
Heaven Yum yum Why, really believe
J,11 1.-Two fill ontton onrnnS off ~
'sAnd here's some brandy which 1 carry to
use in the water down here, Won't you take
pull ?" "
can't believe it ! I haven't tasted brandy since
Lee surrendered
He took the flask and pulled away until half
the contents had disappeared, and as he hand
ed it back his eyes began to shine, his hair
pushed his old hat off, and he cracked his heels
together and exclaimed:
''Stranger, Pm going to live-going to live
all summer-all winter-al next year! I'm
new man-I'm right up to the mark again
and III 60 home and give the family to under
stand that dads on deck and good for seven
ty-6ve years yet Whoop ! if you hadn't been
so powerfully kind to me I'd bet my old hat
agin' cent that could lick ye in two minits!'
"A MIXED TRA1N.-On some of the Western
roads they attach passenger Car to a freight
train and call it "mixed.'' 1t isn't in the Or
der of things that such trains should travel
very rapidly, and sometimes there is consd-
cradle blowing among the ''traffic.''
care we most there, conductor ?" asked a
nervous man for the hundredth time. Gre
member, my wife is sick, and Pm anxious. "
"We'll get there on time" replied the con-
ductor, stolidly.
Half an hour later the nervous man ap-
preached him again.
ssI guess she's dead now," said he, mourn
fully, "bRt I'd give you little something
extra, If you could manage to catch up with
the funeral. Maybe she won't be so decom-
posed but what would recognize her %
The conductor growled at him, and the man
subsided.
EConductor,'' said he, after an hours ST.
.lence.\ .\ssConductor, if the wind isn't dead
ahead, Wish you would put on some steam.
I'd like to see>where my wife is buried before
the tombstone cfpmbles to pieces! Put your
self in my place for moment!''
The conductor shook him of, and the man
relapsed into profound melancholy.
II say, conductor" said he, after long
pause, give got note coming due in three
months: Csh't you fix it to rattle along a
IF you6ome near me again III knock you
down - /snorted the conductor, savagey.
The nervous man regarded him sadly and
went to his seat Two hours later the con-
ductof saw him chatting gayly, and laughing
heartily with brother victim, and approach
ed hAn.
''Dap't feel so badly about your wife's
death?N
''Time>heals all wounds" sighed the ner-
VouS man.
"And you afe>not so particular about the
note" sneered the CONDUCTOR.
''Not now. That's all right. Don't worry.
I've been figuring up, and find that the note
has outlawed since spoke to you last :"