Arizona weekly enterprise., 1882-10-07
Spoopendyke.
Boxing a Sewing-Mach;ne.

''Say, my dear" observed Mr. Spoop- endyke, strengthening up and scratch ing his ear, ''what did the man say about boxing up this sewing -machine?"
 "Why, he said to take the cover off and"
 live got the cover off!'' snorted MT. Spoopendyke. ''Did he say to take it off twiceP Ain't once binding on this machine?'
 Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen- dyke, ''then you take the top of and"
 Did that man say anything about boxing up this machine? That's what asked you" vociferated MT. Spoopen- dyke. Il know all about the cover and top. You can't teach me anything about the top and cover. want some information about this dod-gasted bird cage looking arrangement! Did he say whether 1 was to take that off of any thing?"
 "The machine goes in that" fiuttered Mrs. Spoopendyke. '.And then this slat-cover nails over it''
 .'Now that's the way I like to hear woman talk" remarked MT. Spoopen- dyke, betaking himself cheerily to his work. ''If you'd always answer straight up we'd have been moved week ago."
 "But you must screw the top on the bottom of the top and tie the cover un- derneath," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, who, having been complimented on & detail, determined, womanlike, to know all about it.
 "What stable have you been boarding in now?' roared MT. Spoopendyke, dropping the hammer on his foot. "What asylum for indigent jackasses did you get that scriptural quotation from? How'm I going to screw the measly top on the dod gasted bottom of itself? Where's the screw that does that? Just jerk your thumb in the di- rection of the interconvertible screw that will screw thing on in that way?"
 ''Why, you just turn the top over on the bottom. the man said, and screw it to the top; that-''
 Come overr' yelled MT. Spoopen- dyke, tugging at the works, from which he had neglected to take the thumb screw. Come over the way the man said for you to! Hear me! Come over! There can't any dod-gasted piece of seventy-dollar ingenuity get the best of the manufacturer when Spoopendyke' s within reach! Come over and screw on the bottom, like the man said! Coming over?" and MT. Spoopendyke's hands slipped, landing him on the back of his neck in the crate his wife had purchased to box the machine in.
 ''Never mind, dear" said Mrs. Spoop- endyke, trembling with apprehension for the safety of the machine 'Let the man come and do it himself if he knows so much about it."
 "Dod gast the manm howled Mir. Spoopendyke, springing to his feet and moving on the works once more.
 ''Think he can break this measly old cast-iron imitation of an inebriate home any quicker camp and he grasped the top of the instrument and hauled
 away till his eyes hung out. "Comt
 over to the dulcet bottom and be screwed
 on! 0 come where the glory of being
 screwed to the bottom of the top await,
 thee. Come over and see this miracl,
 of clustering the top and bottom of thu
 same thing together as performed by
 Spoopendyke, the apostle of impossi
 bilities! Come to the dod-r' Blu
 here the thumbscrew broke, driving Mir
 Spoopendyke into the closet like spike
 where he sat holding the mutilated tol
 in his arms and looking dazed
 Are you hurt, dear?" asked Mrs
 Spoopendyke, rushing toward him.
 'Hurtr' shrieked MT. Spoopendyke
 ''Am hurt? Dye see that thumb join
 hanging to that measly screw? Wow
 w-w!'' squealed MT. Spoopendyke, danc
 ing to his feet, and dashing the machine " into the crate. ''Get in there, quick!'
 and he tumbled the rest of the bushes
 in after, where it struck cornerwise i
 spite of his effort to drive it in with hi ! leg. 'Is this what the man said?" an he jumped at it with both feet. ''Bot tom appear to be coming any nearer t t the top-from where you stand?" and h whirled the crate around and the , kicked at the corner of the machine 7 ''Does that screw strike you as begin } ming to take hold? Got a notion tha : this machinery can be moved from her : to Hackensack without scratching an paint off the farm-houses along tn , roadP" and concentrating himself i one last effort MT. Spoopendyke turne . the crate over on the machine an : breathed hard.
 : ''You have done that splendidly, Cooou ME- OpoopenuNhe,a anAlOuS tO Tt : store peace between MT. Spoopendyk 7 and the wreck of her sewing machine , ':It isn't exactly the way the man said ' but I know-'
 70 you know all about itr' ''If l could build front door and verand } to your information, I'd stand you in . tub of salt water and start a summer-re sort! Oyou're posted on what to do l You understand mechanics! Some da, : I'll fit you out with a price-list and strike, and start rolling -millr' an, Mir. Spoopendyke went for his hat, an' tore out of the room.
 7 ''It's pretty we'll scratched, but other wise it's all right" commenced Mrs : Spoopendyke, examining the wreck ) '.And I'll get the man to box it.
 think I'll put this bottle of ink in hi light coat pocket. He'll want it as sool as he gets out there, and he'll find it a soon as he sits downr'
 How To Make Koumiss.