The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-09-07
An Unsatisfactory Picnic.

| 0A OAsdl1c11NtoiJ leuiOs
1--WE amt having any more picnics,
tha. is, church pienics, in our section
now," sighed Suffolk County farmer,
as the cashier made out his bill for ad-
yertising his seed potatoe, and handed
him his change. 1--WE had one, but
they are not talking of any more"
What seems to be the trouble?''
| asked the cashier
THE fust one wasn't calkilated to
make 'em popular" replied the old
man, buckling up his pocketbook. Il
don't think you could raise seven dol
| lars toward another in the whole town.
ship"
Didn't it come off in good shape?"
| inquired the cashier
1T went off, and that was chiefly the
| trouble" was the response. .'You see,
the picnic was to raise some money to
pay the interest on the mortgage and
the balance TO 60 to the heather. The
wimmen turned loose and made pie,
and we men got some lemons and buck
cts, and if we stopped there it would
have been all right. Lemonade and pie
was good enough for anybody, but
some smart Alecks thought we ought
to have soda water, and like choice
assortment of darned fools we all Clipped
in for one of these copper fountains. -
That's pretty good idea," COM
mented the cashier.
"Think so, ehr' replied the farmer
dryly. ''The idea was good enough,
but the fountain made trouble. The
way wo fixed it was to let the nozzle of
the contrivance stick up through the
table and squirt during the frugal meal.
Thought it would be pleasant sight
and enliven the proceedings"
sDid it?''
at Gid. There's a great many fac
tlons IN our county, but they agree that
the fountain enlivened the proceedings.
1ou know we all sat around the table
on benches, and we men carved the pies
while the wimmin dipped the lemonade.
We was all to be helped before we
turned the fountain loose, and then we
was to catch the soda in glasses as it
came out"
'Did you catch any!''
''We did. We didn't catch much in
the glasses, but we got the soda; that
is, q good deal of it. Some of it got
away. Why, sir; just as soon as the
parson turned the spiggot you should
have seen that picnic! Fizz! Whoop!
And there we vast
'Nhere were youp'
''Well, we were scattered. The table
has been heard of twice, and some letters
from Connecticut think it looked as
though it was falling. Pie! You should
have seen them pies! One big apple
pie, with top and button attachment
and scolloped edge, went through that
picnic like n circular saw! You ought
to see the timber fall around that part!
A custard ditto went clean through old
Aunt Betty Bigelow and smashed against
a barn with report like q sham battle.
Pie! Friend, we carry sheet iron UNI
breilas in our section now!'
ANY one hurt?" asked the cashier
"Not to mention. We haven't cot
'em all down out of the trees vet, but
those we have saved seems to be all
righC0 With the exception of an edge or
joint knocked Off here and -
tbcnot, any one was killed,
49, . nalf the picnic is yet to hear
from. But the point l want to make is,
that we amt having any more of them
things"
That's where you're all wrong"
suggested the cashier, THAT very ex-
perlence was just what you wanted.''
"How?' demanded the farmer
'You was trying to raise a church
debt, as | understand it. Now, why
don't you open another soda fountain
right under the debt?r'
That settled it, and if tornado is
ever reported from down Suffolk county
way, that cashier will have something
to answer for. BROOKLYN Eaqle.