The Portland daily press., 1882-07-31

"A nice landlord: f'Look here,' said an in
dig nant Austin tenant to his landlord "there
is 6. cat in the cistern of that house you rented
to ,me." SIS it dead?" ''It looks like it. -
'sT hen it will not disturb you any at night. SO
I will have to raise your rent five dollars on
ths.t account. Texas Siftings.
Rich Phosphates of Wheat solution are easi-
ly afsimilated. In Wheat Bitters is the only
practical way to get them. Read advertise
ment carefully.
Two ladies exchanging notes on the method
in which they spend the day: ''You see, I al
ways get up at 10 and ring for my maid and
get dressed "How long does that take?"
"Oh, ever so long. You see, the girl takes a
full hour to do my hair" ga full hour?
Mercyi What do you do while she is fixing
it?' 81 go out in the garden and take my
morning walk"
A Heavy Swell.
Jacob H. Bloomer, Virgile, N. Y. writes:
sTHoMAs' EcLEcTRIc On cured badly swol-
len neck and sore throat in forty eight hours
NV wife was also cured of lame foot in twen-
ty four hours"
"Yes," said the actor to the clergyman as
they met after service, ST was in front this
morning. Business good, isn't it? Why you
must have had 400 people in the house; all
the best seats filed and a good many ISLANDERS.
I call il good business for this season, and with
strong attractions against you. You've caught
on in this town, and no mistake" And the
actor walked away, convinced that he had
said the handsome thing to the Clergyman
Boston Post.
Why suffer the torments of Hades when
German Cora Remover will instantly relieve
you? 25c.
.You miserable little ignoramus, you have
not got particle of capacity" said an Austin
school teacher to little Johnny Fizzletop, ad-
ding: "What will become of you when you
grow up? How will you earn your saltp"
81 dunno-teach school, / reckon"
Whackl Whacki Whack?-Texas Siftings.
at is impossible for a woman to suffer from
weakness after taking Lydia Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound.
A beautiful floral Offering at the recent fun
eral of Harvard student, sent by the class
mates of the deceased, bore the letters S. Y.
l.. No one understood their significance, but
naturally they were supposed to indicate some
noble sentiment in classic or modern phrase.
A friend whose curiosity was great finally
asked their meaning of one of the students.
"Why, See you later of course" was the an
swer.
No DISAPPOINTMENT. - Wiggin's Pellets
have an inherent power to cure Dyspepsia,
Constipation, Piles, Sick or Nervous Head
ache, and all diseases of the Stomach, Bowels
and Liver Never surpassed in the history of
medicine Sufferers, try them, and ye will
suffer no more. Fifty cents bottle at drug
gists Sent by mail on receipt o price
Miss Sawyer's salve, as noao prepared, beats
the world. Twenty-Five cents a box Sent by
mail.
WreGIN & Co., Proprietors, Rockland, Me.
A ieweler has long dunned lady of fashion
for the amount of his big bill. but in vain.
When he rings the bell the footman says po-
litely but firmly, "Sir, the Countess only re-
ceiyes on Tuesdays" 81 don't care when she
receives" thunders the irate and long-sutter-
ing creditor; "what / want to know is the day
that she pays on!''-From the French.
Hop Plasters have been used with great sue
cess, and for any kind of weakness or pain af-
ford instant relief 25c each, for 81. At
druggists. 20 aa=ty.t
The receiving teller-the last woman at the
sewing society.-Hawkeye.
1t does not cure everything! but kidney
troubles and many other complaints to which
flesh is heir yield gracefully to the life-giving
properties constltutiDgsHop and Malt Btters.
People who have become discouraged should
resort to this new remedy.
This is the season for caterpillar and ice-
cream. Serve on separate dishes.-Lowell Git
izen.
KIND letters from all the States give grateful
praise for Healy's Tonic Pills or Cordial, See
advt. on this page.
Regular Physicians have proved CEPHAL1NE
he best medicine extant for Sick, Nervous
and Bilious Headache
Grocers seldom establish themselves on the
seashore, probably for fear that the sand IN sy
get in their weigh.-Boston Transcript.
A good medicinal tonic, with real merits, il
Browns Iron Bitters so all druggists say.
In the wild West.-These hot nights in Lead
vile folks are frequently covered with moth
ing more than a revolver.-Denver tribune.
Horsfords Acid Phosphate as COOLING
Drink.
DIR. NJ. IL. HENRY, New York, says: II
possesses claims as beverage, beyond anything
| I know of in the form of medicine, and in ner
vous diseases I know of no preparation tt
equal it,"
Mashed Masher: How can you get the repu
| tation of being tophet of fellow? Dear boy
| that's what we're all trying to find out.-Bos
| ton Post.
Nothing so vitalizes, purifes and enriche
| the blood as Wheat Bitters.
Fighteen women met together at Whitewa
ter, Wis, and prayed for rain, and when th'
rain descended seventeen of them screamed be
cause they had no umbrellas. s.-Detroit Fre'
| Press.
A Portland lady said: II owe my success Il
| cooking puddings, biscuits, doughnuts, dump
lings, cakes, &C., to Congress Yeast Powder
1t never fails and that is what 1 can't say o
| some others have used" -