The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-09-21
ON THE BRIDAL TOUR.

A few days before the solemn event.
Burney and the woman who was to be
his bride, in mapping out plans for their
wedding tour, determined to keep from
the world the fact that they were but
newly married. 1t was the bride that
suggested the idea.
"Lovey," she said-she called him
Lovey because he was a big, overgrown.
broad-shouldered fellow who weighed
about one hundred pounds more than
herself-''Loyey, why can't we act like
old married people while on our we'd
ding tour. | declare it will make me
feel uncomfortable to know that every
one is watching me. They do watch
brides, don't they?"
Eyes, l believe they do,' said Bur-
ney.
''Well, l don't think persons have a
right to be watching every motion q
bride makes, and I'm sure don't want
them watching me. And then it would
be so much fun to deceive them. | de-
clare it will be just splendid for us to act
like old married people while we are on
our wedding tour. Now we can, can't
we?"
"Why, yes, suppose we can. Be-
fore others we can be grum and surly
towards each other"
80, no; don't let's act that way. If
you should speak cross to me I'd cry-I
know | would"
But you must remember that I'm
not in earnest. The more surly we act
towards each other, the more we will
deceive people, and the greater fun we
will have laughing about it when we are
alone.
Very well," said the bride. ''Now
let's think howwe will act. viii Ihave
to scold you occasionally2'
mo; why do you ask that?''
Because that's theway pa and ma act
when they are travelling. | declare it's
sometimes half day before they ex-
change a pleasant word. l asked ma
what makes them act that way, and
she said she didn't know, but she sup
posed it was g. habit both had grown in
to-"
The following evening the soon-to-be
married couple spent two hours rehears-
ing few of the many incivilities so COM
mon among married people.
.'Now," said Burney, twill you pre-
tend that sofa is car seat? You 90 seat
yourself. and when | come and sit
alongside you, you must exclaim in a
loud voice, BE careful; you are as
clumsy as bear. Can't you sit down
without tearing my dress?'"
1t took twenty minutes to get that
portion of the programme perfect
Neither of them appeared to be very
apt scholars, for as soon as they were
side by side they began hugging each
other. AS soon IS one hug was ended
another was commenced, and this they
kept up for over fifteen minutes Final
ly, Burney remembered it was married
life and not courtship that they ought
to be rehearsing. and decided to 60 back
to the question before the house
After the bride had learned how to
call her husband bear in a surly tone,
Burney proceeded to rehearse another
portion of the programme he had mark
ed out.
''After you are seated" he said, s'if
the window is down, ask me to put it
up. You had better ask in a whining
tone, and then I'll reply gruffiy, %,
don't bother mei You are big enough to
wait on Yourself If I'm reading, ask
me numerous questions Every time
you do so I'll either not reply at all, or
else speak very snappishly. But don't
mind what l say; keep on bothering
me, and I'll finally get up in an angry
mood and walk away and get another
seat. If we can carry on that part sue
cessfully, people will imagine we have
been married long enough to celebrate
our tin wedding"
Yes said the bride, s'that will do
very well in the cars, but at the hotels
we can't pursue the same little schemes.
The hotels are what / dread the most.
We must have some scheme for keeping
the people there from knowing that we
are newly-married coupler
So" said Burney, .:that viii be easy
enough. Whenever we go out I'll slip
out one door and you slip out the other.
We can arrange a meeting-place far
enough away to keep the people at the
hotel from getting down to our scheme.
And then at the table instead of notic-
ing me you'll be looking at every other
woman in the room. Remember. dear.
it is at the table where most couples ON
their wedding tours attract the most at
tention, We mustn't consult each other
about the bill of fare, and we mustn't
order the same dishes. III leave you TO
shit entirely for yourself. and you must
appear not to concern yourself about
,oe. And, by the way, you mustn't
wear any bridal finery"
%, dear, can't 1 wear that lovely
waite bonnet I'm going to be married
- 40, that win at once proclaim you
nu. DO want to wear my bonnet.
II can t wear it on my wedding tour.
! don't want the tour.I
After considerable talk, ii was decid-
ed that the bride could wear her lovely