The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-05-18
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

An obsequious man-An undertaken.
The bump of destructiveness- rail-
road collision.
Dogs are great humorists, for they
always have waggish tale.
A blacksmith is seldom arrested for
forgery, though he lives by it.
A wit being asked, on the failure of q
bank, "were you not upset?" replied
No, ] only lost my balance.
If brevity is the soul of wit, what
vast amount of fun there is in the pre-
vailing style of swell young mems coats.
An eminent historian traces base ball
back to the time when Rebecca went
down to the well and caught Isaac.
A clergyman, after marrying a couple,
made use of the following benediction
Forgive them Lord, for they know not
what they do"
''What is the National Fishery Cues
tion?' pompously exclaimed an operator,
and squeaking voice in the audience
responded, Its have you got bite?"
OF misery man who died of soften
ing of the brain, a local paper says:
"His head gave way but his hand never
did. His brain softened, but his heart
couldn't"
1t is not easy to be q widow; one must
reassure all the modesty of girlhood,
without being allowed TO feign its igno-
rance.
Congress has bill to punish persons
who use profane language in any post
Office. If the postmaster is any sort of a
man he will step out on the street to be
talked to.
A friend of ours objected to his physi
clans prescription, to run down the
street every day, on the ground that it
was an excellent street, and he didn't
wish to injure its reputation.
The BARRIERS children are little shavers;
butchers are young lambs; the carpen-
ters are chips from the old block, and
the angry mans little pets.
Women of the world never use harsh
expressions when condemning their
rivals. Like the savage, they hurl
elegant arrows, ornamented with feath-
ers of purple and azure, but poisoned
points.
There was social gathering at the Nc
Spilkins' mansion the other night, and
Mrs. McSpilkins asked Gus de Smith
what he thought of the occupation of
Tunis. whats he getting month";"
asked Gus.
A Western man feared he was going to
have the snall-po and believing whisky
to be preventative, he drank nearly
three quarts of it. He escaped the
smallpox, and is not likely to drink any
more whisky in this world.
They do up things scientifically down
at Kokomo, Ind. When the crowd went
out to hang a miscreant they took along
a preacher and doctor. AS they were
not certain they were hanging the right
man, it was very thoughtful.
A minister at Richmond, Va, recently
swooned while marrying his old sweet
heart to another man. If his part of the
ceremony made him swoon, what nerve
the man who was married must have to
stand up under it!
Charley Tradoller had anticipated
trip to Europe this summer, but when
we questioned him about it yesterday he
dolefully replied: ''No Mont Blanc or
Jungfrau for me, my boy; they come too
high"
lou Tt IL NOuuS Nct, SdlQ al
octogenarian to stalwart iron founder.
Every true" was the response, but
you Il admit that I'm moulder than your
self"
Washington Mclean of Cincinnati is
said to be preparing for the congressional
race in the First Ohio District next fall.
If he succeeds in getting the nomination
he will he bored to death by Daily En-
quirers.
The "Longfellow Memorial" column
of The Workers Gazette embraced the
poetical tributes to the dead minstrel,
which originally appeared in the WASH
ington Post, in Puck, and the New York
Daily News.
An exchange, describing q fashiona-
BILE party speaks of gallant, who whis-
pered to lady and took her apart" 1t
is not a difficult thing to take q lady
apart in these days, but there is very
little left of her afterwards.
An uptown temperance society has
forbidden the performance of the Piper
Heidsick waltz, at any of its entertain
ments, ON the ground that it is too exhil-
arating for the proper balance of its
members.
Jones says that they haven't any fire
department in their town, but he feels
certain, from the frequency with which
his step-ladder disappears, that there