The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-24
L.ook to thc heaven that gavc t bir,h
HIS PA MORTIFIED.
Peck's Sun.

lat WAS tue Hedttn Onttcf uOlng over to your house this morning. said the grocery man to the bad boy. as the youth was firing frozen potatoes at the man who collects garbage in the alley
 70. they are searching for sewer gas and such things, and they have got plumbers and other society experts till you can't rest. and come away for fear they would find the sewer gas and warm my jacket Say. do you think it Is right, when anything smells awfully. to always lay 1t to boy
 Well. in nine cases out of ten they would hi, it right. bu, what do you think IS the trouble over to your house. hon. est!
 S-h-h. Now don't breathe word of ii to l living soul, or am dead boy. You see l was over to the dairy fair at the exposition building Saturday night. and when they were breaking up, me and my ohum helped to carry boxes of cheese and nrkins of butter. and cheese man gave each of us piece ot hmberger cheese. wrapped up in tin foil Sunday morning opened my piece, and 1t made me tired. O. it was the awfulest smell ever heard ef, except the smell when they found a tramp who hung himself in the woods on the Whitehsh Bay road. and had been dead three weeks. It was just like old back number funeral. Pa and ma were just getting ready to go to church. and cw of piece of cheese and put it m the inside pocket of pas vest. and I put another in the lining of mas muff, and they went down to church, too. and sat on back seat with my chum. looking just as pious as though was taking up collection. The church was pretty warm. and by the time they got. up to sing the first him pas cheese began to smell a side of the hymn book and ma held the other. and pa he always sings for all that IS out. and when he braced himself and sang Just as I am.' ma thought pas voice was tinctured with biliousness, and she looked al him, and hunched him and told him to stop singing and breathe through his nose, cause his breath was enough to step clock. Pas,opped sing ing and turned around kind of cross to- wards ma. and then he smelled ma $ cheese, and he turned his head the other way and said. 'whew,' and they didn't sing any more, but they looked at each other as though they smelled frowy. When they sat down they sat as far apart as they could get, and pa sat next to a woman who used to be nurse in hos p.tal, and when she smelled pas cheese she looked at him as though she thought he had the small pox. and she held her handkerchief to her nose. The man in the other end of the pew, that ma sat near, he was stranger from Racine. who belongs ;o our church. and he looked at ma sort of queer, and after the minister prayed. and they got up to sing again, the man took his hat and went out. and when he came by me he said something n whisper about female glue factory. Well. sir. before the sermon was over everybody in that part of church had their handkerchief to their noses, and they looked at pa and ma scandalous, and the two ushers they come around in the pews looking for a dog, and when the minister got over his sermon, and wiped the preparation of his face. he said he would like to have the trustees of ,ee church stay after meeting, as there was business of importance to transact He said the question of proper ventilation and sewerage for the church would be brought up. and that he presumed the congregation had noticed this morning lha, the church was unusually full of sewer gas. He said he had spoken of the matter before, and expected it would be attended to before this. He said he was a meek and humble follower of the lamb. and was willing to cast his lot wherever the Master decided, but he would be blessed if he would preach any longer in a church that smelled like a bone boiling establishment. He said re- hgion was a good thing, but no person could enjoy religion as well in faf rend- ing establishment as he could in flower garden. and as far as he was concened he had got enough. Everybody looked at everybody else. and pa loo1ed at ma as though he knew where the sewer Eas came rom. and ma looked q pa real tnAd. and me and my chum lit out and went home and distributed my cheese all around. put . slice in mas bureau drawer, down under her undercioehes, and piece in the spare room, under the bed. and piece in the bath room, tn the soap dish, and a dice in the album on the parior table, and . piece in the library in book, ard weat to the din- ing room and puf some under the tahle, and dropped piece under the range in the htchen. tell you the house was loaded for bear. Ma came home from church 6rst, and when asked where pa