New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-09-27
WIT AND HUM0R.

Never place much dependence upon
the soft nonsense of a sheriff, girls. Ten
to one he has an attachment elsewhere.
Step on a woman's trail and she has q
claim for damages. Her redress is a
new dress. -- ..
Herdic coaches are failure in Phila-
delphia. Too low, too small and too much
friction is the verdict against them.
Mrs. Howe says women do not fall in
love any more. Place a woman in front
OF a milliner's window, and see if she
doesn't.
A lady trying to tell a friend what a
poor appetite she had, said: II eat very
little; a flea would be barbecue for
me-"
It is now fashionable for young ladies
to be square shouldcred, !al a Mrs. Lang
try. Gymnastic appliances are still
below cost, bat the cotton market is still
booming.
'No," said the youth, ''I've no pre-
objection for wearing a military dress.
| joined the regiment because I am
bound to win out that girl if it takes q
leg"
Oscar Wilde says we should beautify
our kitchens. That is all very nice in
theory, but if man hires very pretty
cook there is apt to be trouble in the
family. Better let the kitchens alone.
One Of; the conspirators among the
Sioux who are threatening trouble is a
chief called WOman's Dress. This
Woman's Dress could be cut gored, and
basted. He's putting on too many
t'frills." .....-
Some one describes ''patent spring
bed for married men," Unless it springs
down stairs when a married man comes
home at midnight, noiselessly opens the
front door, and returns with the man
without awaking his wife, it will not fill
long felt want.
The cost to the English government
of setting down full armed British SOL
der in Alexandria is about $500. And
when they get there, there's no good
looking nursery maids for him to tlirt
with, so he isn't happy or. particularly
useful.
When he appeared before his wife
with his nose all bunged up and his arm
in sling, did she ask him with whom
he had been fighting? o, no; but she
merely said: '.The next time you think
you would like to revel in a. hammock,
just put a feather bed beneath it,
The mistress has gently reprimanded
her maid for oversleeping herself in the
morning. s'You see, ma am" exclaim-
ed the servant, Il sleep very slowly, and
so you see, ma am, it takes me much
longer to get my full sleep than it does
others, you see, ma'am.'
At Trouville- de C-to her
husband, who comes home at o'clock
in the morning: ''Atwhat time did you
get in this morning?'' 'About mid
night, dearest, about midnight-a few
minutes after perhaps eyes, 240
An agent who had sold Dutchman
some goods was to deliver them at his
residence. The German gave him the
following directions: .'You shoost goes
behint de church; den you turns up for
vile till you come to yon house NIT q
big hog in der yard. Dots me-
s. A woman at a crowded French thea
tire fell from the gallery to the pit, and
was picked up by one of the spectators,
who, hearing her groaning, asked her il
she was much injured. '.Much injuredv'
exclaimed the woman. Il should think
I am. have lost the best seat in the
very middle of the front row.
els that a tornado?" inquired gem
tleman of friend, as they sat in the
library smoking their after-dinner cigar.
well, not exactly replied the host, as
the roaring increased in fury; ..that is
my wife speaking to the girl for not tell
ing you to wipe your feet before you
came into the parlor.'
Whe6a man speaks Of woman, he
raves over her beautiful complexion, her
delicately cut features, her glossy hair,
and all that sort Of thing. When a
woman wishes to describe one Of her
sex, she simply tells what she has on.
Each articularizes what each values
the highest