St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-04-07
SquibS.

1t was Il duh period for news when
the enterprising managing editor of a
western daily headed an item concern
ing the death of cat, "Nine Lives
Lost ~
Very nearly: Auntie-You go to
school, Charley? Charley-Yes. Aun-
| tie-You don't play the truant Char
ley-NO but Pm learnin' the pianner.
Paris advertisement ''For sale-a
monkey, IL cat and two parrots. Ad-
dress Nine Y, Rue As the
lady is about to get married she has
no further use for these animals"
Said the leader of the train robbers
as he boarded the Pullman car: "Don't
disturb the passengers, but. seize the
porter. He's got all the motley in the
crowd by this time ~
Short "Adolphus, let us leave the
avenue and stroll along the margin of
the river" mot any, Evangeline; no
more margins for me-" (Adolphus had
been specializing in futures that week J
A strong superlative "Yes, sir,r
said the Kentuckian 81 never was in
more tantalizing position in my life.
There were three of us, with pack of
cards, in the room and not deuced
cent i'll the crowd" = Boston Post.
"Irresistible." - Small Newspaper
Boy (vOciferously) "Daily Tally
graph, one pennee Daily Tallygraph,
one pennee Daily Tallygraph, one
pennee ! Buy Il Daily Tallygraph,
mum 9' Benevolent Old Lady: GLOW
much did you say your papers were,
my boy ?' Small Boy (promptly)
''Tuppence ~ Gets it and retires, re-
jOicing. Judy.
New York's great issue: "This great
and good anti-mOnopolist," observed
the coroner i'll some opening remarks
to the jury, who were holding an in
quest over the body of a man found
floating in the canal, "this great and
good anti-monOpoIist-" "But why
do you call him a great and good anti
mOnOpOlist ?" interrupted one of the
jurors. "Because," continued the cOro-
ner, exhibiting package of deadhead
railroad tickets, "we found these in his
pOckets."- Brooklyn Eagle.
Thought he heard something
"Where is the use of making so much
fuss over the little eccentricities of
others at the table ?" exclaimed FOgg.
"Why should humans make any more
bother about such things than pigs p
"But you must remember that we are
not used to dining with pigs" said
Pingrey, spearing the last potato with
his fork. "SOme of us are not, and
some of us are" replied Fogg. For
some occult reason everybody looked
at Pingrey and smiled Boston Tran
script.
That was singular occurrence at
the western addition on Wednesday,
when IA prominent member of the biz
board stopped to speak to a burly
lrishman who was shoveling sand as
if "A casket of doubloOns lay under his
pile. ''ls that hard work ?' said the
broker. ''Begorra thry how you loike
it," said the labOrer. "You bet you.r
said the broker, and pulling off his
coat he spit on his hands and went to
work with "a will. Then, while the
perspiratiOn ran down his face, he
delved and lifted and finally put aside
the shovel and gave the man quarter.
"What the deuce did you do that for p
asked a friend, who had regarded the
performance with considerable curios-
ity. 'Because," was the reply, ''un
less stock matters improve within the
next three months, III have to come to
it, for | couldn't beg, and can't bor-
row, and III be hanged if I'm going to
starve as long as there is IL sand hill
and shovel in San Francisco san
Francisco News Letter.