Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-01-22
DULL ENGLISHMEN.
T0rptdity Of the British Mind-Can't
See a JOke-ArtemuS Ward
IErnm the Washington Canital

Torptdity Of the British Mind-Can't
See q JOke-Artemus Ward.
From the Washington Capital.
An American joke is as far beyond
the intelligence of the average John
Bull as it would be to Hottentot. j. T.
Raymond told me, says Col. Forney in
some of his "reminiscences, that while
playing "Col. Sellers" in London,
he received dozen or more letters ask
ing the meaning Of the word "appro-
priation," in the phrase ct go for the
American flag and an appropriation.
After awhile they found out " appropri-
alton" meant the same as parliament
airy grant," and then they saw the point
Of it. It would not be easy to discover
an American audience quite as stupid as
this It is stupidity. Once in London I
lost half an hour in the andeavo1 to buy
a bottle of "mucilage;" gum" is what
they call it. Ask for sgum" in an Amer
lean store and you get "mucilage; ;" ask
for "mucilage" in q London shop and
you get nothing. Talk there of " store"
for "shop," "srspenders' for "braces,"
"depot" for "station," and nobody
knows what you mean. Here either
word would serve. When Artemus
Ward Charles Browne) first lectured in
London, his jokes fell flat, and seeing
how it was he concluded his discourse to
this effect, that the audience on going
out would be handed tickets to Constan-
tinople and return. Gin that city"
went on Artemus, "I propose to repeat
my lecture this day two weeks. To each
ticket is attached a coupon that will adj
NIT the bearer to the hall. I desire your
attendance, that may shed light upon
such of my remarks this evening as have
evidently given you pain, which thank
you for having borne in silence"
What does the man mean?" said
John Bull. eco to Constantinople to
hear him drawl through this mass Of
stuff again we don't do it."
When they reached the door and no
one was there with the tickets, it slowly
dawned upon them that Ward was laugh
ing at them.
Ward remained in London, and it be-
came so dull that he wrote for Punch,
and was crowned as popular idol. The
English fun Of this age must be loud
and uproarious, just as in the old COM
edies it is indecent. You see it in the
stuffed clubs Of their pantomi1ne, and
machine plays upon words in their bur-
lesque. They have no ear for delicate
wit. Even their "Pinafore was lost
upon them until the Americans took it
up, and roared over its satire, though w.
s. Gilbert, it's author, had long accus-
toned them to his one vein of humor.
"Pinafore was all but a failure at the
Theater Comique, on the Strand, until
the news came Of it's phenomenal runs
all over this country, then the people
focked to hear it.
I doubt if there is man Id his pro-
fession who makes such study of his
art as John Mccullough. It's his love.
He reads everything connected with the
theater, and so stores his knowledge
that it is ready for service at any mo-
ment. Personally there is no one so
genial. He has the faculty Of making
friends and keeping them, beyond any
person I ever met. As an actor, he IS
wholly without jealousy. Sure Of him
self, he has for his supportthe very best
people he can obtain. The peoplein his
company have the strongest affection
for him. He makes money almost as
rapidly as the owner of q Colorado silver
mine, and he spends it like o Prince in
a novel. He listens to every tale of suf-
fering, and then down goes his hand to
his pocket.
A capital insight into the character of
the man is given by his friend John T..
Raymond, who related the story to me
"When was in London" said Ray
mond, "they asked me to one of their
swell clubs. went, of course, but
don't think I was ever before so miser-
able. We sat about stif1y, on uncom-
Portable chairs, for almost an hour, talk
ing of the driest imaginable subjects.
felt couldn't stand it any longer, so
turned to the gentleman next me and
said: Amt they going to do any
thing?' 4 don't understand you,' he
answered. mean,' I said, don't you
think something liquid would be appro-
pirate to the occasion?' ooh, 10, sir {!
Not here And he appeared quite
shocked at the idea. Well, said /, 4
don't care rap about taking a drink,
but if you'd been in an American club as
long as I have been here as the guest of
themembers, you would be drunk, or very
near drunk. That's ALL And I left.
A couple of nights afterward John
Mccullough went to that same club,
and, sir, he astonished those Englishmen.
He got them all off into regular Amer
lean frolic. How he managed it, heaven
only knows, but he smashed through
the ice, and everybody had the jolliest
of &;,,oo