Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-06-26
FASHIONS IN LIES,
one.Eyed Man Who Was Looking for
Cna,,afhi1,cr

something new.
"What is the style of spring lie, this
season." asked one-eyed man, as he
dropped down by the exchange editors
side. Have they retrimmed the inter.
convertible snake, that breaks up into pre-.
cincts and comes together at the call of the
presiding link?"
Haven't seen anything of it," replied
the exchange editor, plunging his shears
into the account of tornado that shifted
State line hundred feet and landed a
river in a cottonwood grove without dis.
turbing the ripple.
Pm glad of that" said the one.eyed
man, rubbing his hands slowly. "I never
liked that lie. 1t always seemed far
fetched and unwholesome besides you
couldn't help thinking that frog might
swallow a quorum of the snake and not
leave enough to transact business. Do you
see anything of that lie about the drag gon
out in Illinois, with wings Ikea corn.patch
and smell of birthstone? Is the dragon
current this year,"
Haven't struck him yet," answered
the editor, eliminating the profanity from
far western account of mine explosion,
in which forty men were blown through the
side of a mountain seven miles thick. elf
he's around he's flying very low."
That pleases me, too, J" smiled the one
eyed man, stroking his ctin. "The only
objection l ever had to that dragon was the
smell. 1t never sounded reasonable. If
they had said he smelled of birthstone and
molasses it might have worked in girls
boarding house as fair spring lie, but
they couldn't fix it to do for men unless
they perfumed him with blue pills. 1t was
a great mistake. Have you struck any
fresh particulars about the sea-serpent since
the thaw ;"
'sToo early for him." returned the ed
itor, writing new headline to an account
of baby who fell out of window sixty
feet, and bounced back without split,
bruise, or chip-of. He'll be around by
the 14th of July"
"The l4th OF july" murmured the
one. eyed man. 81 reckon you're right.
Yes, you're right; with head like a
barrel and eyes like cofee-cups; esti-
mated by William Jennings, of Tobago
township, to be at least two-thirds of
mile long. Yes, that's the date, July
l4th. / like to read about him. There's
always something breezy and fresh about
that serpent, though>he must be getting on
in years now. What's become of the two
old people that were born at the same mo-
ment and died within ten minutes of each
other, at the advanced age of l04? Amt
they dying this season ?"
mot that I've heard of, rejoined the
exchange editor, pruning down long arti-
Gle on boy who was cut in half length
wise by steam grindstone, and whose
recovery was confidently anticipated by
the eminent local physicians.
{" hope they haven't quit the business, u
observed the one-eyed man with anxiety.
"Pve kind O. warmed up to those two old
cbumps. There was something unanimous
about 'em that caught me, and count on
getting up to em regularly if l am going
to keep my health. Maybe the backward
season has been against 'em. What's the
news about the skeleton found in the tree
with bag of money tied to his spine :?
Let's see, he's a spring product, isn't he? ;"
"No, fall, replied the editor, glancing
over a report of man who had just been
relieved of live lizard that had fed on his
kidneys for forty years. He'll come
around about the Sd of October"
Just SO, just SO. was misled on him.
He's an old friend of mine seems like one
of the family and if they should go over
this season without finding him, appears as
though l should commence to pine. Is
there anything new this spring any SER
want girls making Greek poetry in their
sleep, any live frogs found concealed in a
Philadelphia brick, and spriuging eight
feet in the air after an imprisonment of
eighteen thousand years? Anything of that
sort ?"
Nothing" sighed the exchange editor,
putting sub.heads into an account of a
whale climbing to the top of Absecom
lighthouse to borrow a match. " Nothing
fresh, except this one about the payment
of church mortgage out in Wisconsin,
but that won't be popular among the
Christians.
81 suppose not; l suppose not" mur.
INJURED the one eyed man. " Well, I'm
much obliged. So long 1t warns me up
to see the old ones come around. A man
of my age would miss 'em if they let up,
and l began to be little ticklish about
the serpent, and the skeleton, until you
explained the dates.
And as he went out, the exchange editor
turned over an article on an old woman Of
90, who was cutting her eighth set of false
teeth and fourth head of hair Brooklyn
Eagle