The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1882-10-07
HIS PA HAS GOT RELIGION.

From Peck's San.
"Well that beats the devil" said the
grocery man, as he stood in front of his
grocery and saw the bad boy coming
along, on the way home from Sunday
school, with clean shirt on, and test
ament and some dime novels under his
arm. "What has got into you, and what
has come over your pa. l see he has
braced up, and looks pale and solemn.
You haven't converted him have you?'
"No, pa has not got religion enough
to hurt yet, but he has got the symptoms
He has Joined the church on prowbation,
and is trying to be good so he can get in
the church for keeps. He said it was hell
living the way he did, and he has got me
to promise to go to Sunday-school. He
said if didn't he would maui me so my
skin wouldn't hold water. You see, ma
said pa had got to be on trial for six
months before he could get in the church
and if he could get along without swear
ing and doing anything bad he was all
IL
could cause him to swear. She said she
thought person, when they was on Prov
baton, ought to be martyr, and over
come all temptations to do evil, and if
pa could go through six months of our
home life and not curse the hinges off
the door, he was sure of glorious inn
mortality beyond the grave. She said it
wouldn't be wrong for me to continue to
play innocent jokes on pa, and if he took
it all right he was Christian, but if he
got hot box, and flew around mad, he
was better out of church than in it.
There he comes now," said the boy as he
got behind sign, "and he is pretty hot
for Christian. He is looking for me.
You had ought to have seen him in
church this morning. You see, | conf
menced the exercises at home after break
fast by putting a piece of ice in each of
pas boots and when he pulled on his
boots he yelled that his feet were all ON
FIRE, and we told him it was nothing but
symptoms of govt, SO he left the ice in
his boots to melt, and he said all the
morning he felt as though he had sweat
his boots full. But that was not the
worst. You know, pa he wears liver
pad. Well on Saturday my chum and
me was out on the lake shore and we
found nest of ants, these little red ants
are always handy to have in the the house.
This morning, when pa was dressing for
church, saw his liver pad on chair,
and noticed a hole in it, and l thought
what a good place it would be for the
| ants. don't know what possessed me,
but took the liver pad into my room
| and opened the bottle, and | guess the
ants thought there was something to eat
in the liver pad, cause they all went into
it, and they crawled around in the bran
and condition powders inside of it, and
took it back to pa, and he put it under,
his shirt, and dressed himself, and he
went to church. Pa squirmed little
when the minister was praying, and l
guess some of the ants had come out to
view the landscape Ger. When We got
up to sing the hymn pa kept kicking, as
though he was nervous, and felt down
his neck and looked sort of wild, the way
he did when he had the jimjams. When
we sat down pa couldn't keep still, and
like to died when l saw some of the
ants come out of his shirt bosom and 60
racing around his white vest. Pa tried
to look pious and resigned, but he could
MT keep his legs still, and he sweat
mere'n pail full. When the minister
preached about the worm that never
dieth," pa reached into his vest and
scratched his ribs, and he looked as
though he would give ten dollars if the
minister would get through. Ma she
looked as though she would bite his head
off, but pa he just squirmed, and acted
as though his soul was on fire. Say does
ants bite, or just crawl around Well,
when the minister said amen, and pray
ed the second round, and then brother
who was missionary to the heather
would like to make few remarks about
the work of the missionaries in Bengal,
and take up collection, pa told ma they
would have to excuse him, and he lit out
for home, slapping himself on the legs
and on the arms and OH the back, and he
acted crazy. Ma and me went home. af-
ter the heather had got through, and
found pa in his bedroom, with part of
his clothes Off, and the liver pad was on
the floor, and pa was stamping on it with
his boot and talking offul.
"What is the matter" says ma.
"Don't your religion agree with you"
"Religion be dashed" says pa, as he
kicked the liver pad. 81 would give ten
dollars to know how pint of red ants
got into my liver pad. Religion is one
thing, and million ants walking all over
man, playing tag, is another. didn't
know the liver pad was loaded How in
Gehena did they get in there % and pa
scowled at ma as though he would kill
her.
Don't swear, DEAR" says ma, as she
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