Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1882-02-04
SENSE and NONSENSE.


upside is never down?
IN attorney with an ili-tempered wife de-
scribes himself aS 4 shrewd lawyer
General Washington's last nurse is dead,
but the new crop viii be ready for tie spring
trade.
The widows smite," remarked the rel
let, as she boxed the ears of a too-forward
slmi.er.
When you marry yoa tondiy expect to
see tie end of AL youE troubles, but you
c.a't tell which end.
az know where the dark goes when morn-
ing comes" said lit,le Clare q, goes
dosn cellar: IT., dark there all day"
"You q night along" he said, "until
you come 70 4 fence with hole in it, then
after = while You will come to house with
. great pig in the yard. Dot. me-"
Silver dollars with holes in them are
painfully numerous, bat they are not half
20 painfully numerous a. holes without any
] s4Ntt Lpl4AAS stoNiAA sA4NS''
The Derrick man conieiies that he al
ways enjoys greenback meetings-when The
meeting happen. to be between 1 green5aek
aud himself
I. coats s5OOto be made Knight Of the
Garter in Engl.nd. In Chicago marriage
license costs Sl.50. This is the difference
between a free country and monarchy
You can't convince woman thet the
railroad men aye not brutal because they
won't keep train waiting for her TO kiss
her friends and SAY, good bye" for the
twentieth time.
Nur.e-"Comc, Willie did you hear
your mother tell you to come right into the
house," Willie-"stop 'minding Inc of il;
Use twying to ioiet it."
Eight out Of every ten men in ihis coun-
ty will d. more hard work 10 trace bacs the
pedigree Of horse or dog than TO estab-
lish the fact that they were related 20 'he
most noble king Of Europe
Maybe the man lives who can answer ee-
ery question, but we'll wager that nine cut
OF ten will be .tumped by the qn-ry: u
you hit Guiteau's cheek with a railway rca-
tauraut doughput, which will break 2
When girl who has encouraged a young
man for about two years, suddenly tells LIN
;hs; she can never be more than sister 20
him, he can for the FIRST time see theirecE!'s
on h,r nose.
Oscar Wilde may, perhaps, be interested
in little lsmily conundrum lGteiy fa' b, d
snsrlng Diogenes. who Wa th4 IN
thetc" as<- the cynic and answer o. ia.
next breath: Balaam's ass, because t.e
Lord made him too utter"
"Yes," exclaimed Brown, "yol aiwr
End nae with pen in hiy hand. IN fo,-
ular penholier, my boy" "Let. e. s..I
Fogg, mu,iugly, "a penholder is usually ; d
stick, isn't ito"
Hc slipped quietly in At the door Jut
catching .igh; Of sn ioquiring iaro over ,lo
stair rail. sid sorry 50 late; .aI nt
got car before So the cars WI. !l.. ....'
said the lady; and further rsaara- ~ r,
unnecessary.
A Sor;h Csr3lins justice Of the Pea-r ro
Gently married a couple 4. be 'ai c1.iIron,d
in state on the back of 4 mule, and che a1.-
NAL for once realized that there wss bigger
trouble going on than he could lrodI,e,
aad kept his heels slill.
There il nothing ike settling DIVA, said
the retired merchan; conAleulal.y to Lis
neighbor "Whcn gave up business set
tied down, and found / had quite a comfort
able fortune. If ! settled NJ, ! should not
have had cont"
In the ivcet, balmy, dclici9ns Earaac.s
Of loves first Young dream a youth Will not
only insist on cracking walnu;s i5r ,.i- s.fi,
bat in picking out tie go1die, .. aeL
Two years aitcr marriage be will NOT even
let her have the nut-cracker until hc "a
through. Girls, get married
Don't .ou think waito cIoyci rako
one. hands look awiully bigl s-kgI M
gcl:na, holding out her gloyod nsnd. 81
10 lLc glove ihat make them loo. 81. isr-e2'
a-ked Mary quite careiess.y Wien An
geiina got alone that evening shec,aadcnt-
ially remarked y her.elf that someeJiy u
o,her Wa a great hateful thing.
Ma, haven't been are4l good b5y since
I've been goin: 10 Sunday school ~ Nes,
my lamb answered tie a.-;rrua. yasent
fondly. And you trust rue nos, cont
you, ma" "Yes, darling" Then" roke
Up TIC little innocent, What make sou
keep the preseryes locked ~ 10 the fanlry
the same as cver?'
In the twiights gioam.ns
Stood a maiden young and fair.
Watching an1iously for sOIneol
Who was certainly not tasie.
Long she pecret into .he c4fsn
While her mind gas .iau-s, ai-l fssB
And her heavy hanging e.cl-ls
Showed the MARKS OF recent te4s;
on, the woe that woman suffers
Oh, the heartaches and tie p4ngsl
Only partially a,oned for
81 her baLg.es and her bang.
Fsithless man come 70 the maiden
Who Is waiting there for Won.