Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-04-21
AMONG THE FUNNY MEN.


Glcsniugs From the Fields OF American
Humsr.
a compOsitor's better-half entered a
draper's sLop and asked for pair OF
stockings. The shopman politely asked
her what number? "Why two, yer fool
Dye .hink I'm centipede Or wear
wooden leg?"
Alphonse Carr said 3: You can prove
nothing to women. They believe only
with their hearts or their imaginations."
AIphonse had evidently been trying to
make his wife believe that the billiard
chalk On his coat was whitewash from the
Office wall.
4 horse ran away in Holmesville and
knocked down an accordeon player who
was playing for all he was worth on
street corner. The musician was seriously
injured and his instrument damaged be-
yomd repair. 1t is not always best to re-
strain horse when lie wants to run away.
Noah Webster was celebrated author.
He was quick and ready writer, and in
one of his inspired moments he dashed of
a dictionary. He took it to several pub
fishers, but they SHE'D at it, saying the
style was dull, turgid, dry, hard an un-
interesting, and besides that lie used too
many big words. But at last Noah sue
ceeded, and the immortal work is in daily
use, proppiEg up babies at the dinner
table.
There is a young editor wandering on
the face OF the earth who formerly pub
lished a paper 1T Stolm Lake, Iowa. He
left there the day after tie issue of his
last paper, and is supposed to be crossing
the state on foot to get away from an in-
fuIiated female populacc. 1t seems there
was Il concert given by young ladies'
Of The city and the gallanty young editor
wrote it up in splendid shape. The same
day he had visited herd of short -hoi n
cattle, owned by farmer in the vicinity,
and he wrote up the cattle also. The
cross-eyed foreman of the office got the
two articles mixed as follows " The con
cert given last evening by sixteen Of Storm
Lakes most beautiful, and interesting
young ladies was highly appreciated,
They were elegantly dressed and sang in
most charming manner, winning the
applaudits Of the entire audience, who
pronounced them the finest short-horns in
the country. A few Of them are of 4 rich
brown color, but the majority are spotted
brown and white. Several of the hcifers
weighed as high as fifteen hundred pounds.
iine bodied, tight limbed animals, and
promise to prove good property
4 Lamb one day entered a Saloon to
quench his thirst with glass of Lager,
aud while quaffing the Beverage he no
tieed Wolf playing Seven-t p at 4 table
in one corner of the Room.
why do you throw Snow Balls 1t me -
demanded the Lamb, as he sat down the
glass.
II beg I'd .emad You that this is Mid
summer." humb!y replied he WOLF. land
coul! not throw Snow Balls even if de-
Sired
That MAJ may all be. continued the
Lamb, but yc'. he'd about me to the
Iiarcs.'
g.! beg y,ur y; r,ion NJ. Lamb. but no
man can remember when the Wolves and
the Hares Were On speaking terms
And that may be true. Also" shouted
the enracsd Lamb. but you have been
cheating at CaldS.
IL Will leave that 70 the Jackal. who
las Just won N; last Nickel.
=" Then il: You have 10 Cash You have
no business il here - howled the Akres'
soy. ard he fell upon the poor Wc!t and
Lambed him until lc could hardly crawl.
-y0rF.-D omest!c economy is buying
twelve shilling shoes for YOUR wife and
twenty cent cigars for yourself.