National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1882-01-07
MR.. CUFFS BASSooN.
How His Neighbors Thought He Was
Heating His WIFE.

Upon Van Ness avenue is DIR. Potts, Mr.. CUFFS
next door neighbor, and one morning, about two
weeks after the latter had started I'm to become an
amateur performer on the bassoon, he was in
formed that the doctor wanted to see him. and on
descending to the parlor found that gentleman sit
ting in the middle Of the sofa and fanked by
three other residents on the same block, Mr.. Cuff
was surprised to notice that the whole party wore
n solemn and embarrassed look, and he inquired
the nature of their visit
ave have come, Mr.. Cuff" said DIR. Potts. wlp-
ing his face, upon most delicate mission. A
mission, assure you, my dear sir that nothing
but the most urgent necessity would induce us to
undertake"
"Indeed?" said Cuff.
"We don't mean TO assert or even hint, Mr..
Cuff, that the fault Is oil oil your side. l know
we all know-how difficult il IL get along always
with some women. There are times, sir, when
the best wife has tantrums' 1t would require tho
patience Of an angel to contend with. We all
know that"
chorus and one of them passed his fingers through
his well-weeded locks in sadly reflective man
"But, on the other hand, some allowance must
be made for the domestic trials and annoyances to
which women are subject. They are the weaker
vessels Mr.. Cuff, and we should always bear that
in mind before proceeding to extremities"
"Did you come to tell me that?' said Mr.. Cuff
somewhat sarcastically
quiet little talk with you. In n friendly spirit,
you understand Mr.. Gu1. We come, my dear sir,
in the spirit of peace and concliation, TO pour oil
on the troubled waters"
"oh, you have, eh?' said Mr.. Cuff.
YES. You are young married man, Mr.. Cuff
and doubtless lack the experience IN some respect:
that we possess Now, there are other methods in
the management of women more potent than yio'
lence. For instance, when Mrs. Potts gets little
too cantankerous just suggest that perhaps sht
Ind better put of buying that new dress until nex
spring, or something Of that kind. Works like O
charm"
MY way is to hint that shall have to stop the
girls credit at the dry goods store That generally
fe!ehes my domestic auIoerat" said another.
81 go most OH the no-country- this. summer
dodge" put in a third.
Fried oysters in a box is probably as good Q
land I've tried most everything; besides, they art
cheaper"
"Wlll you oblige me by explaining what al
this d--n nonsense is about?" said GUN, who was
becoming eXusperated.
"Why, you don't mean to deny, Mr.. Cuff" sale
the spokesman, reprOachiully, that you beatyoul
wife in the most cruel manner?"
Beat who?" screamed Cuff,
"Why, that you drag Mrs. Cuff up Into the gar
ret nearly every evening and hammer her all VI
with bed -sat or somethingP" said one.
And yank her round the room by her hair till
she yells like an Indian chasing mail l-coach in
IT'S perfectly blood curdling, specially on
| Wednesday night" added another indignant
| house holder
"Wednesday nightsl why, those are the even.
| ings when ! practise music with my brother-in-
| law" st0mmered Cuff
"What. up in the garrett" said DR.. Potts, turn.
| ing very red In the face.
| Yes; we are learning the bassoon and cornei
| together, and"
7Mr GuG," said the committeeman, getting up
| very much embarrassed, and holding out hii
good evening, Mr.. GuH," and they hastily filed out
But, rs they have since agreed TO take tlitN
tickets apiece the first time Mr. S. appears in al
amateur concert, that amiable young benedic
has agreed not to let the story out and espccinll,
not TO allow those mean Post fellows to get wind o
| it.-Derrfek Dodd in San FfnRcisCo Post