davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
HUMOROUS ADyENrUI

II
A HUMOROUS ADVENTURE
Some people eeem born with faculty
Of raising the ancient masculine ju-
yenile. They set folks who are mind
ing theif own business and merely
want peace and quiet, into all sorts of
scrapes. This faculty is peculiarly
developed in the commercial tourist
usually referred to as drummer. He's
the man who makes love to all the
pretty servant girls in the hotels and
gets their notions so high that they
won't notice the porters, and it makes
the latter pant to ''slug" the drum
mers. One of this class of gentlemen
was at an up-country railway station
somestims ago, and discovered, while
waiting for Q train, wasp's nest,
An idea Of once struck him.
How be achieved the feat without
getting hurt we don't know Prob
ably the wasps were dormant with
cold. But, at any rate, he got the
nsst down and tied it to the tail of q
large yellow dog that vas fooliog
roued the depot, The dog started 70
ran, and that SO stirred up the wasps
that they sont courier out to inves-
tigats, and as he did SO in a manner
disagreeable to the dog, be only ran
the harder and made three wild cir
Cults Of the depot.
The train, mesrwhile, came 10, and
As the train don't step long st country
stations, 1t was just starting az the
dog came round the third time. Wild
With pain, the dog leaped aboard the
train, end plunged into crowded car,
just % the brAks~sR closed the door,
The poor brute got beneath rsat
and tried to curl up. The car was
hot and it warmed up the wasps, and
they game out, and 10 about half
minute the men Who SGT 10 the seat,
jumped up SO hard they nearly Stoya
holes in the roof, and the way they
slsEed at their legs was caution.
Everybody looked. Then others be-
came interested. And the dog start.
ed on the run through the car The
vasps went for him and everybody in
the car. A wild spepe took place
Men cursed and elsvsd wildly. wo.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
t.. MOUNT HOLLY, BURLINGTON co, N. J, NC

men got up on the seats and danced
and the dog. which everybody
thought to be mad, tore up and dowu
the aisle, bowling. The conduct
came in. sinking the peopls iosaae-
he promptly joined the SHOW.
The traio was flying, folks couldn' {
jump of. No mad house ever saw
such scene There was profanity
enough to sink ship. and the brake
man gazing in atthe door, said it beat
anything ho ever saw in variety
show. Finally the conductor stopped
the train, folks got out, and the car
was cleared of wasps and the dog.
But the passengers didn't get over il.
They were an awful mad set, and oc-
casionally, after theyNgot started, .
man would find wasp in his, trousers
and rise and yell. They talked OF
suing the railroad, and if they could
have got the drummer, his death
would have been frightful But he
had gone on train the other way.
The number Of languages spoken ia
1904. The number of men is about
equal to women. The average of
human life is 33 years. One-quarter
die before the age of seveo. One-half
before the age Of seventeen. To
every one thousand persons, one only
reaches one hundred years. 70 every
one hundred, only nine reaches sixty
FIVE years; and not more than one in
five hundred reaches the age of eighty
years. There are on the earth 1,000,-
100000 of inhabitants. OF these
$685. 1888 die every year, $3.50
every hour, and sixty every minute
or one for every second. These los
SEES are about balanced by an equal
number Of births. The married are
longer lived than the single; aud above
all, those who observe sober con-
t..4lta .r| lr . +. Is
duct. Tall men live longer than short
once. Women have more chances Of life
previous to the age of fifty years than
men, but fewer after. The number Of
marriages is in proportion Of seventy
five to Que hundred. Marriages are
more frequent after the equinoxes-
that is during the monthsEof June and
December. Those born in Spring are
generally more robust than s.others.
Births and deaths are more frequent
by night than BY day. Numberof
men capable Of lbeariDg arms are cal
culated at one.fourth Of the popu,a-
ton. ~ yasp'2srqiA
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

Ths February Atlantic opens With
poem more than four pages long BY
Mr.. Whittier, en- titled "The Bay Of
Seven Islands," an . tAoss who enjoy
Mr.. Whittisr's poetry, Is millions Of
Americans do, win lnd this ons of
the most attractive features Of the
magazine, although it contains two
additional chapters Of Mr.. Lathrop's
engaging story "An Echo Of Passion, !"
and the opening chapters ct "The
House of . Merchant Prince" o serial
story by W. q. Bishop, the snshor of
"Dstmold." This last story is to COM
time throughout the year, and prom
ilss II bs veil wsfth reading. Tks
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

A patent has been taken out in
Boston for cleaning fish by, giving
them snuff, when they sneezs their
scales Of. The iuvensorgis new max.
s.3is - ~ si4A .1N3aA tlsllEE -
log snpff for hesripg % that they
will sDeeze their bones out Lea tss
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

A little-thres yesr old, repeating
the Lords prayer the other evening
added, when she came to the petition
for daily bred please, God, give me
butter on ii; cause | don't like Il
without" This was definite, as well
as fruitful devotion. IA
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

soma suitry Suadsy the minister,
observing . number Of his congrega-
ton asleep, remarked, 10 most en-
phatic manner: ~ saw an advertise
ment last week for FIVE hundred
slespers for railroad. I think ]
could supply at least fifiy, and recon-
mend them good aud sound"
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

The Germans say that in their war
with France they lonly fred lone bal
let where the French fred seven, and
only one shell where the French fred
six. We should Ike to know who
stood by with a pencil ard notebook
and kept count, for we would like to
hire him for fighting editor on ous
staff.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
Skin Diseases.

'Swayne's Ointment Cures the most
"Swayne's Ointment inveterate cases
"Swayne's Ointment skin disease, such
"Swayne's Ointment" as letter, salt
"SWayne's Ointment" rheum scald
"Swayne's Ointment" head BARRIERS
"Swayne's Ointment" T itch. soresf all
"Swayns's Ointment" crusty scaly itch
"Swayne's Ointment ing, skin erup-
sSwayne's Ointment" tions. and that
'"Swayne's Ointment" ( distressing. COM
saSwayne's Ointment" plant, itching
"HWayne's Ointment piles, the only
"Swayne's Ointment effectual cure. no
"Swayne's Ointment matter how OBJ
"Swayne's Ointment" stinate or long
standing, Ask for it and take no other.
II, cures where all else fails. Sold by all
prominent druggists.
PILEsl IreHING PILEsl-The symp-
toms of itching piles are moisture, like
pefspiration, intense itching most at night,
Seems as If pin worms were crawling in
or about the rectum. The more you
scratch the worse they itch; very distress
sing. Theprivate parts are often affected.
DR.. Swayne's Ointment is the most effec-
tive remedy extant for this tormenting
complaint. sGivessrest at night without
the desire TO scratch. Also has no equal
in quickly eradicating letter, itch, salt
rheum, lerysipelas, BARRIERS itch, pimples,
all scaly, crusty, itchy skim eruptions.
Here is the proof: "Ceftainiy the hest
remedy ever used in my practice" DR..
Cotton, Woodstock, VT; troubled with
itching piles for over twenty years, it
cured me completely L. s. Messer, En-
field, Me. Sent for fifty cents lin three
cent stamps), three boxes SIPS. By DIR.
Syawns & Son, Philadelphia, Pa. !. Sold
by all druggists.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

If Mr.. Oscar Wilde win sbsosv,
Americans what is the real nice
aesthetic way of "yanking the fltBy,1
bis visit to the United States will no.
have been 10 vain, ANEEf
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

Many persons who are ashamed to
do manual labor themselves sfe net
ashamed to chest these sho do it for
them out Of their wages. ga
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
THE FEBRUARY MAGAZINES.


Peterson's magazine for February
is already before us, more brilliant
than ever. Nothing could excel the
principal steel plate, Fast Caught"
or the sparkling story it illustrates.
The colored pattern; in Kensington
stitch, "design for pansies," ID one Of
those costly things found only in
peterson" The literary matter is
even better than usual. Both the
novelets, that BY Mrs. Stephens, and
that by Mrs. Austin, increase 10 pow
or as they go on. 1hes other stories
are all superior, those BY Frank
Lee Benedict and 5irs. Demeritt es-
pecially so. The illustrations for
fashions, for workable patterns, etc.
etc., number nearly fifty, snd are
alone worth the price ofthe number.
Il is standing wonder to us how, SO
dne . magazine can be published at
20 low price: the puzzle is only to
be explained BY the immense circula-
ton g Peterson" has attained; the la
dies have learned that they cannot
afford to be without Il. If you have
not subscribed for it already, lose no
time, but subscribe At once. Or, bet
ter still, get up club, and earn o
copy free. The price is but two dol
lars q year, with great reduction to
clubs. Specimens are sent, gratis, if
written for, to those wishing to get up
clubs. Address Oharies ). Peterson,
800 Chestnut street Philadelphia, Pa.
49,
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

A young man feels that he has not
lived In vain when be finds his pic
ture exhibited 10 the showcase Of q
photograph gallery. ''4 s'ss -
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

Ippineott = Magazine for Febru-
airy opens Nth an illustrated article,
the frat gf two, on the Gulf Coast.
The yfiter; Mr.. Barton D. Jones, was
epkby the Secretary Of the Interior
Is examine the government lands 10
that region, and the information he
gives is novel and interesting. DR..
Felix L. Oswald has another article
on Animal Pets, enlivened with anec-
dote and charmiugly illustrated,
"The Capture Of Dsrne," BY Charles
Burr Todd, rsvives an almost forgot
ten episode in American history, the
expedition against Triroli under
General William Eaton, whose letters
and diaries, IS cited in the article,
bear testimony to the adventurous
spirit in which the enterprise was
conceived and the difficulties amid
whichit was carried on, San After
noon in Rome rand q frontier sketch.
fFor Life" by Helen Campbell are
highly readable papers. As usual, .
large amount Of spscs iss devoted to
fiction. "Grants Luck" by Mary
Eta Smith, is powerfully written
story, showing; moreover, an intimate
knowledge Of life in PaDams. "a
Vicar in Ebony" BY N. "A. Collins,
and Drummer and Lazarus" by Mar
garet Hosmer, are short and lively,
while the second instalment Of "Ste-
phen Guthrie" awakens strong in
terest and contains many admirable
touches. There are poems by Rose
Terry C.,oke, GarIotta Perry, and
Charles T.. Hildrsth, and many inter-
ssting papers in the editorial depart
ments. ss 4
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

An ordinary woman's waist is thirty
inches around: an ordinary mans arm
is thirty inches long, How admirable
are thy works, D, na,prs,
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

Died BY suicide in Newport, q
clarionet player. - Coruet players
llease copy.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

A Chiosgo girl Who ia engaged to
a Young DECOR calls him s.sweet
n,ilD
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

second series of "Studies of the
South" perhaps has no feature So
striking as visit to the "Moonsbin-
ers" in the previous article; still it is
so clearly based upon careful and i'm
partial observation, and is written with
such perfect clenbess, that il cannot
fail to be read With great interest.
Miss Sarah Orne Jewett contributes
another Of her delightful New Eng
land stories, entitled Toms Hus-
band" and it is hardly saying too
much to pronounce any number Of
the Atlantic which contains story
BY Miss Jewett as red letter number
on that account. Apropos Of the cen
tennial Of Daniel Webster's birthday,
Henry Cabot Lodge writes very just
and excellent paper on his career and
character. e. p Whipple contrib
utes an admirable critical essay on
Richard Grant Whites works. Edith
M. Thomas, one Of the most promis-
ing Of our young writers, has charm
ing outdoor paper entitled "Ember
Days. Herbert futile describes
"Some Traits of Bismarck. Other
articles 10 the number very we'll worth
notice are Mr.. Dugda.e's concluding
paper or "The Origin of Crime in
Society" strong article on "The
Refunding Bill Of 1884," by J.
Laurence Daughlin; poems by George
Parsons Lathrop, Owen Wister and
X. g.; reviews of several import
ant recent books, and the Contrib
utors' Club. This number well sus-
tains the reputation which the recent
numbers Of the Atlantic have gained
for great vigor, freshness, and variety.
-Houghton, Mifain & Co., Boston.
Godey's Lady's Book for February
is sparkling number. The steel
plate is beautiful sketch drawn BY
barley, representing q scene in "The
Cricket on The Hearth" and the nov
lett "Cherry Shows is thrilling
love story from the pen of Carrie
,Beebe Croker. The shorter stories,
poems, receipts, puzzles, games, etc,
are all frst-class, and the Fashion and
Work Departments are rsplese with
The very latest designs. Take it all
in all, this number is an exceptionally
good one. We would suggest to
those who do not take it, that the
Lady's Book would make handsome
holidy present TO your friend. Any
of our readers can be supplied
promptly by leaving their orders al
this Office. We will furnish THE
News and the Lady's Book for the
low prios Of $3.50 Per annum, Now
ID good time to send in your sub
scription. The publication Office is
1000 Chestnut street Philadslphis,
Pc.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

Never marry gil vas shews
ss s. .s =
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
s, the heart be right it matters not
which way the head lies.

]. WIN n J Iights-Kisses.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
MONDAY JANUARY %, 1882. Sl.OO A YE
1853. GIRARD 1880
FIRE INSURANCE COMPANY

FIRE INSURANCE COMPANY,
.os .;HILADKLPHIA, PA
ASSE2A al! 81, I76, COS SO.
Observation-Disclosures
try. Its liabilities are very small and its math-
ematieal standard very highla etr eyaE
a: . HllLkfT ...... ......... .lPrestdent
Llapliues, Including Reinsurance sl1Dg
4un0.-.. .....s - -. :. tSO3,6 81
Net surplus overall Liabilities, inclu-ils Alnsas4
Qlng Capital. ..-..............s..l$ $50, 8S9g29
1shas always been and will continue to be
the OBJECT Of this Company to furnish its pe-
trens with RERFEcT indemnity at the LOWEST
ratesconsistent with PERFEor SAFETY geEN
~ RELIABLE And eoKsRRVAfIVR.
Surplus as to poll y holders, .sS72 1899
First-class risks viii have every advantage
That such class is entitled TO, and all propos-
ais VIII be fairly and equitably rated ai
Prudent business men will shun those com
panies whose chiefclaim to patronage Is that
they insure cheap.
We offer Indemnity to all. Thanking the
public for their generous patronage In the past
ability thereto,
For Policies or Agencies,applyto
CHARLES M. SLOAN,
General Agent for New Jersey and Resident
Director. s5 7-
ONCE in Mount Holly, Arcade Building.
" Burlington, with 81. M0ffett, ESQ.
Bordentown, with w. r, Flynn, Esq
correspondence willreceivep
July s,1s7s-ly
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

Write to Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham, 2SS
Western Avenue, Lynn, Mass, for names
OF ladies that have been restored to per-
feet health by the use Of her Vegetable
Compound. 1t is positive cure for the
most stubborn cases of female weakness
HOW TO TREAT YOUR WATCH.
Wind 1t up stthe same time every day.
Keepit in as even temperature as DOS.
slble. Sudden transition from heat to cold
may cause the handspring to break. ]
you would keep it clean never put il IN
any pocket except one of leather. Those
pockets which are lined with clsith. cot
ton Or calico, give by certain friction a
nuff which enters most Watch Cases aud
makes its way to the delicate parts Of
the watch See that the pocket Is turned
and cleaned often, and take an old liissn
handkerchief and wipe carefully all Gle
dust from Under the backs, bs.zel and
capof the casa. But above all Won uaust
be sure that the Case fits firmly and to be
sure Of this. select one where the paffs
lcenter, backs, cap, &c. are zach made
from one piece of metal ~ - kAF
The JAMES BOSS PATE Sr Sr4F-
FINED OR FILLED GOLD WA1 CHI CASE
is 70 made, and not only do es such a
Watch Case become stronger an d ct more
perfectly, but it enables the mar lufacturer
TO- turn and form three pieces Of metal
ltbe outer ones being of gold and the
iuner one Of an inferior metaD into shape
for the round parts, making to all appear
ances and practic0i purposes Just as good
= watch e&se "a the solid golsl, at about
one-haif tue cost to the purcha ser.
Therc arslnearly one hundre thousand
OF these Watch Cases now ar,ied aud
their good qualities are ackno' lodged by
vac sarae number Of happy pos SCISSORS.
All Jewellers keep them also illustrated
Catalogues for vrsintions iistri b, ,tion.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
z peer. Il ny Duty 10 Tel

what DR.. Swayne's Compound Syrup
al Of Wild Cherry has done for me. II !
had violent cough, night sweats,
sore throat, great weakness, with Sc
we're attacks of hemorrage, gave up
all hope ofrecovery. I am cured,
sound and hearty man.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23
! HENRY's cARBoLIc q. .L,yR.

Is the BEST SALvE for c. its, Bruises,
Sores. Ulcers, Salt Rheum, .etter, Chap
ped Hands, Chilolains, Corns and Al kinds
Of Skin Eruptions, Freckles and Pimples
Get HENRY's CARBoLIc SAVE as all
others are counterfeits. oric e 25 cents.
DIR: GREEN'S oxYGENA rEI) Buffers
Is the best remedy for Dys pep ,is. Bilious
ness. Malaria, Indigestion, an diseases of
the Blood, Kidneys, LIVER, S kin, etc.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

EuBfuS6T OF OW6tnDy'B r OttSFy, p
1884 Ridge Avenue, Philadelphia.
~ Over twenty-five years have elapsed
and | still remain hearty man.
Many are suffering from Colds
Dry, parched, sore throat, losing flesh,
bronchial and asthmatic attacks. All
these dangerous symptoms are entirely
cured BY DIR. SWayne's Compound Syrup
Of Wild Cherry" The first dose gives
relief, and the worst cough and sore
lungs yield to its healing properties.
Sold by all druggists at 25 cents and 81.
The large size is the most economical, %
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

After sixteen years const ant suffering
d. X. v. g. cured me of Dyspepsia.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1882-01-23

Your D. r. V. G. A IS cured ME of
Chronic Diarrh9a, Urinal difficulties and
Shronic Drs SO Is years standing.
3 1s-ss t.,skley, B Glide, Ny.
.e'Hsraasse'i ey oil psv1 xists. --S1y
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-08-18
KANSAS PRAISING 1T.

"While 1 was in Topeka last VIM
ter, said the Hon. Arthur Edging-
ton, | had Il pretty rough time OF it.
| got q bad cold, aud, then that not
being sufficiently severe, was also
attacked with rheumatism. The
pain was in my lett shoulder. At
times | almost writhed in agony. L
tell You sir, that the pain coul,l not
have been greater had my saouI Ter
been screwed up in wise. was nj
ter!y helpless. and felt like was oies.
tined to remain in that condition in.
definitely. My friends and Il rhysi-
Clan were generous in their prcscrip
tons and my room soon became Il
miniature apoihecarv shop. But no
thing did me any good. One day
some one told me WAS enduring Il
great deal of needless pain when
could invest fifty cents ina bottle of
ST. jacobs o. and be cared. | in
vested in bottle oil the OIL, rubbed
it on lay shoulder twice, amd in two
days forgot that ever had rheuma-
''S'-i. d &c. AtUt IL ~ ~ cdt lSlllCEN,
and no mistake. They can't say too
much in favor of its healing power"
The above was uttered by Mr..
Edgington while sitting in the porch
of the La Gcnda House, nj CoTum-
bus. the other evening, and was o.
verheard by al escaped reporter, who
Is travelling over the country incog.
Inquiry developed the fact that Mr..
Edgington is one OF the most widely
known men i'll Kansas, figuring
prominently III politics. and acting as
the responsible agent OF the Brad.
street Commercial Agency. Upon
subsequently, making Mr.. Elging.
tons acquaintance the reporter WAS
ass;.red that all he had hear,l was
true, and he was ut liberty To use it
IN the papers. -Oswego Kan Dem
Ocrat.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-08-18
Robbers Raiding a Bank.

kEEwAyEE, LII, Aug. ID. Yes
terday afternoon two men called ut
the First National Bank in tins CITY
and asked permission to- leave their
satcbels there short time. Aboni
six o'clock, while Cashier Pratt and
Miss Palmer, a lady assistant, were
closing up, the men knocked at the
door and asked for the satchels
Miss Palmer opened the door and
was seized by one of HE men, who
kicked her nearly insensiblc. Tie
other man struck Pratt on the head
with revolver. knocking him sense.
less. Pratt and Miss Palmer were
then forced into the bank vault. TIE
burglars secured about twenty thou
sand dollars, Of which six thousand
dollars was gold. and then left tie
town Miss Palmer and the cashier,
after rem aiming imprisoned over an
honr succeeded in breaking tic lock
and releasing themselves. They are
both badly injured.
The bank robbers were seen this
morning near Mineral III. Citizens
were in bot pursuit, with every pros
pect OF arresting both men. Over
three hundred inen nre scouting in
every direction. Dir. Pratt and Miss
Palmer are IN bad condition today.
Miss Palmer is badly bruised and TO-
verIsh She is Frustrated by the ex'
citcmen.. business houses and shops
arc all closed, tho owners joining ia
the chase.