Connecticut western news., 1882-05-24
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
A Chapter on Cheek-Rivers and
 Harbors-General Notes.
[from the Detroit Free Press. l

oACCP, aAu OtuucA CuAA uhu AuuS uP Cno water dipper and wiped of his chin. Brother Gardner began:
 =. "How few men in dis woruld rise to de sublimity of de oocashun !! An, too, how few of us know whar' de sublimity comes in. When trubble comes we knuckle to it an lose our sand, instead of soarin' aloft an lookin' down upon it from de clouds. De ancient martyrs had sublimity. De ancient Greeks an Romans had it, an our statesmen an generals an citizens have bin chuck-full of it. A man who cannot be sublime when occashun demands it am only fit to work in 8 boneyard. What am nobler dan to see 8 pollytishun demand to be 'lected to offs on his merits, stead of gwine aroun' to buy votes, pull wires an wallow in de slums What am nobler dan to see cashier who has got away wid $40, ,000 in a moment of weakness rise above it an return wid de cash an confess his error?
 ''Be keerful dat you doan' contour sublimity wid cheek. It am cheek to borrow $5 from friend, but it am sub. limity to pay it. It am cheek to run in debt when you know you can't pay-it am sublimity to turn ober an ole red COW, two sheers of stock an a yeller dog to yer creditors. It am check to climb @ back fence an break into de hen-pen it am sublimity, in case you am dis kivered, to convince de owner dat you was lookin' fur your los' COW.
 "If sickness comes, be sublime. Dat is, put on mustard plasters an take three pills.
 of de man who holds de chattel mortgage on your sewin' machine fore closes, be sublime. Dat is, have your family sewin' did by some first-class dressmaker.
 :sIf sorrow comes, be sublime. Dat is, continer to pay one hundred cents on de dollar.
 ssIf misforchune obertakes you, be sublime. Dat is, take off yer silks an welvets an diamonds an lay 'em away fur a few days until people have had a chance to weep wid you. Let us now purceed to de bizness which de kentry has intrusted to our charge" METEOROLOGICAL.
 The Committee on the Weather re- ported the rainfall of November, the snowfall of January and the high winds of March as basis of calculation, and they were ready to announce that the coming summer would be cool one. It wouldn't be so cool that there would be any danger of children being frozen in July, but no prudent man should start out to cut wheat without an over- coat.
 | CAN'T FIND ANY.
 The Committee on the Bulwarks of Liberty reported that it had made in- quiries all over the country to ascertain if the United States had named any capes, bays, rivers, lighthouses, moun- tains or forts after colored heroes, and the following list had been gathered:
 "Nigger Head"-near Beaufort. Nc particular nigger mentioned.
 "Cuffee Bay"-Florida. Might have been called after some Genersl, but guess not.
 ssBlack River" Carolins. Prob ably intended to compliment the race as body, but mighty small river.
 Runaway Beaoh"-Florids. Cant say whether it was horse or hote waiter who ran away.
 "Fort Smith - Indian Territory This might have been named after Pickles Smith, but the committee has it's doubts.
 "Shin Reef of Wilmington. The committee is in doubt whether it wa: named after Samuel Shin or some Span i.h discoverer.
 SHE LII HAVE TO.
 Sir Isaac Walpole then arose in all hi' grandeur of six feet and seven inches and offered the following resolution
 Resolved, Dat de time has now ar rove when de gov'ment has got to giv, de cull'd race show. As de head an front of de culld race in dis kentry, WI demand of de gov'ment as follers:
 "Dat de names of three forts shall b' changed to Giveadam Jones, Trustee Pullback an Whalebone Boozer.
 "Dat de names of three lighthouse shall be changed to Pickles Smith Samuel Shin an Elder Toots.
 "Dat de names of two mountain shall be changed to Sir Isaac Walpol and Waydown Bebee. "Dat de names of two ribers shall b changed to Rev. Penstock an Judg Yam.
 "Dat de names of Lakes Erie an
 Ontario shall be changed to Gen. Gil Thar Black an Prof. Rolling Pin Bel "Dat de name of one-half of Pacific Ocean shall be called Gardner Pond arter de beloved President of di club."
 The resolution was adopted withou l debate, and a committee of four aE pointed to notify Uncle Sam that b l must either come down or there woul
 be row.
 HOW TO DO IT. , The Committee on National Corrul n tion, to whom was referred the quer |. from Indiana, "How can we purify Il i. ballot-box ?' reported that they ha l. given the matter patient investigate s and consulted the very best medical a,
 thorities and had decided to recommar !. chloride of lime. Sprinkle it oh tl , box night and morning for week ar - a thorough purification ia puarantee