News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-08-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

fal inquiry finally ELECTED that what
she wanted was bureau with a marble
top.
A DELAWARE man in Philadelphia
yesterday was 30 closely questioned that
at last he confessed, with tears in his
eyes, that there would be a big peach
crop.-Philadelaoh&a Nes0s.
Up in Missouri they are just begin
ming to break themselves of the habit
of holding up their hands every time q
stranger enters the car.-Teca8 SSft-
ings.
The last Norfolk boat brought over
5000 water melons. We shall expect
to hear of the doubling of our popula-
tion In consequence.-Boston Tran
script.
HOSTILITY to New England has not
died out entirely in the South. A
Georgia paper starts the rumor that
Oscar Wilde is to be married to Bos-
ton girl.-Ieeas SgftiG9s.
HARD PAN logic: Physician" And
is that all you are going to give me-20
marks for 40 visits ?" Miser-"I should
think that was enough. You must con-
slider that if I hadn't been sick you
wouldn't have had anything"
We are reminded by correspondent
that the most absent-minded man ON
record was not The one who put his um-
brella to bed and went and stood behind
the door but he wound up the cat and
put the clock out of doors.
THE Prince of Wales lately received
diverting reply from the mayoress of
a midland country town, whom he Of
fered to escort to the refreshment-room:
"Thank your highness," said the lady,
"but I'm shampooing couple of ladies'
and don't like to leave them"
THE Correct Cheese 1T is always
very difficult to decide what really
comes under this heading, but it is
quite certain that the combination of
skim milk, mud and oleomargarine
which lis largely sold as 0hedder is not
entitled to that honor.-Panach.
Two LITTLE girls, aged four and six
years, had just had new dresses, and
were on their way to Sunday-school.
Said Eta, the elder: "Oh, have for
gotten my verse;" Thaven't forgotten
mine," replied the other. s'It Ia,
Blessed are the dressmakers.
HIGHLY intelligent darling: "The
robbers can't steal my mammals ear
rings, cause papa's hidden them" In
terested lady visitor: "Is that so, dearP
Why, where has he put them, won-
der P' 81 heard him say he's put them
up the spout, and expects they will stay
there"
"YEs," said the gentleman at the sea-
side to his friend ''this Irritation is get
ting too serious. Evidently her mother
thinks my bank account all right. CANT
we contrive it so they'll overhear me ask
you for loan, and you say you're very
sorry, but you can't spare it?"-Boston
Post.
THAT paragraph about chickens get
ting intoxicated by eating cherries that
had been soaked in whisky is on the
rounds again. And this reminds us
that the first feathered biped to initiate
human being was not chicken. It
was raven. Poe tells how it got con
bust. NorristoaOn Herald.
AN Attorneys Last Hope-A certain
sharp attorney was said to be in bad
circumstances. A friend of the unfor-
tunate lawyer met Jerrold, and said /:
"Have you heard about poor R-e
His business is going to the devil"
Jerrold-" That's all right, then he is
sure to get it back again. London
Society.
'WHY is Mrs. Brown putting on so
many airs of late ?" asked Mrs. Jones of
Mrs. Smith. Haven't you heard Of
their windfal ?" rejoined Mrs. Smith.
"No, what is itP" said Mrs. Jones.
"Why, Mr.. Browns uncle in the coun-
try has just died and left him forty
bushels of potatoes. Being independ-
emily rich they are cutting all their
poorer acquaintances, you see. Rome
Sentinel.
A Troy paper tells It's readers that
'fa Chinaman was married to an Ameri-
can girl by Christian minister" If
Christian had been married to Chinese
girl by an American minister, or q
Christian girl to Chinese minister by
an American, or an American Chinaman
to girl minister by Christian, there
would be some fuss made over it.
"OH, Harold" said she, as she clung
closer to his arm, show very quiet and
restful the sea seems to be this even
ing" "Just as should like wife to
be-" was the response. "And would
you, as husband, be the quiet, restful
complement of such a wife ?" He
thought he could, and the launch into
the sea of matrimonial difficulties was
thus quietly made. There's sure to be
a'gale, however. Haven Register
DETROIT FREE PRESS ARITHMETIC.