Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1882-03-24


plain Of a severe ache in the back.
'By-the-bye, my dear" said Spoopen
dyke, when you mentioned the blackjack,
yesterday, made up my mind that
would cure it SO I got one Of those AL
cocks porous plasters."
"That's dear husband that you are,
answered Mrs. SpoOpendyke. "were is /
now?"
Il swear I clear forgot it; it is there il
my ulster"
He wanted to get up and assist her; anC
he wanted little nap The nap con
quered.
Mrs. Spoopendyke found the plaster
done up as the druggist had wrapped it
unfolded it and began tamporing with II
in the vain endeavor to put II on. She
supposed to herself that this was one Of
SpOopendyke's dodgasted things but de.
tormined to try his remedy. She prepared
for the application, and laid it gently
upon the part affected. 1t would no,
stick, Failing after several trials, and
disliking to rouse her husband, she sal
quietly Illuminating. The excessive quiet
disturbed SpoopOndykO who is nothing il
not noisy and bustling. He looked to-
wards his wife until his ideas were con-
fused, and then asked how it felt. She
took up the plaster again, told him that
she could not get it on, and asked his aid,
This was a golden opportunity for the
display of his peculiar talent So he
hoped out of bed.
Nothing is easier just you heat il be-
fore the fire, and it will stick like poor
relation. Just give the gasted thing to
me, and I'll soon have your tender little
back as warm and comfortable as bug in
rug, or a sick chicken ia an Easter egg.
You just lie over across tae foot of the
bed-with your back up-I know that's
not natural with you, but do 1t just for
this once"
With some misgiyings, such as she al
ways felt when Spoopendyke promised to
know more of anything than there ever
was in it, she tucked her knees under her
and assumed the proper attitude, while
Spoopcndyke was talking, and warming
the plaster.
"Now get on good ready" said be,
"I'm coming with Just the incest Ht of the
season. You'll be we'll in no time, and
dancing about the house in half an hour
as gay as lark"
He tripped up to his wife, holding the
plaster by the upper corners, and clapped
it upon the small of her back, instantly
pressing it down tight upon the skin.
Quicker than thought Mrs, Spoopen-
dyke kicked backward, casting her hus-
band nearly into the fire, thrusting herself
headforemost across the bed and against
the wall. Then she Tipped to the floor
with continued yells.
''You miserable wretch You whom /
have humored TO DEATH for whose absurd
mistakes have had perpetual excused
You know everything o, yes You can
manage pistols, hang pictures and clocks,
climb stepladders, drive nails, lose stud
buttons, turn up jack, and do every dod-
gasted fool thing that never was beard
Of knew you would kill me at last,
and l have been making believe you were
Apollo, and Napoleon, deaf and blind TO
make you believe l didn't understand
your tomfooleryl"
All this time Mrs. Spoopendyke was
prancing around as she cried, pulling at
the hot plaster, rubbing against every
corner in the room, hopelessly attempting
to get it of, at last Spoopendyke got in
word.
There, my darlingl don't cry. I'll
swear the dod-" but she cut in:
20, yesl you dodgasted simpletonl This
is all premeditated murder! You made
up your mind to cure my head. did you'll
20, yes I've put up with every circus
you've been daily making in this house
for five years Won't be good, decent,
quiet nobody hereafter? acting white lies
to make you think you are Julius Cesar
and Nimrodl"
''There. my dearl' cried Spoopendyke,
an swear"
80, you'll swearl Yes, you'll swear
your nose off You only want some can
vas with holes in it, and a bucket of
scalding hot tar, to be porous plasterl
You know everything! You only want
a toy obclisk and two chop sticks to be
a calculating machine You only want
a rams horn. matching the powder gourd
on your face, to be a Sonshl You don't
want anything to be one Of your dod-
gasted fools"
Mrs. Spoopendyke burst cut crying
and posted off, calling for warm water and
bath tub, Spoopendyke following her,
as he had been doing through all of her
CITATIONS, almost beside himself. After
awhile he came back in brown study,
wondering if he really had been making
an ass Of himself in the eyes of Mrs.
Spoopendyke for. many years. 1t broke
his pride, and set his wife in new light
He left before breakfast, and late that
evening, while he sat eliminating over his
dire misfortune, and fearing to go home,
who should step into his Office but Mira.
Spoopendyke, sorry for her morning pas
sion, cured of the bsckaohe, all smiles and
bushes. She gave him the old time kiss
and hug.
Grams horpT whispered Spoopen-
dyke.
"Tar bucket y answered Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. SO they trotted away home.
PRIDE,