The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1882-07-06

Smiles.
~Stat5sEuiIls Republican,

Dare TO he true:
- bnt-daro TO pay up.
Whatever you do.
-.stu5sauiIJs Republican.
The house fly knoWeth his buzz-ness aux
5Ioeti1 it, Detroit Free Press.
In Charity, itmay be better TO give thar
10 receive; bi1t in kissing il Is about equal
i. Pieayune.
Oscar Wilde was the first 10 discover
that there are grcenbaelks TO suntlowera.--
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Stock poi1ter-Buy 100 thermometers
they are sure 10 go up 70 s. before the
first OF fully Boston Commercial Bulltill.
New York beef is 100 Der cent higher
thau last year, bat 1t IL not 100 per cent
lougher--tiaat limit had been reached AZ
leady.-L Free Press.
One reason why tame alligator at sa-
yannah is let alone is because of u sign
reading: Idiots will please stir him up.'
I'll Detroit Free Press.
Archibald Forbes is TO marry again.
He possesses all the good qualities to make
. good war correspondent-piuck and al
Venrurous spilit.-[ Lynn Bee.
This country has over II 900 bicycles aud
you're mighty safe, young man, in taking
The daughter Of a court-pLaster maker for
an heiress.--EE Boston Post.
Spring pants are so attenuated in style
that when a young man Of the period sits
down IN them, he will wish lie had stood
up and saved rent Elmira Telegram.
s:Confouni it, you've shot the dog! /
thought you told me you could hold a
gun ?,' Sure, and 50 / eau, your
honor. It's the shot, sosr, T. couldn't
how'd !''- New York Post.
A man is most anxious to learn that
which lie knows will make him most un-
happy. This is what made the poet say
that where Ignorance is bliss it is blasted
toolishness to be Wise.-TPicayune.
Young swell: aFrauIine MathiIde, may
offer you my arm?" Mathilde: ssOh,
this offering your arm is getting nonoto-
nous. Why not offer me your hand for a
change pr Fliegende Blaetter.
Teacher: esHow does the earth absorb
water?'' Pupil; Like dog" Teacher
"HoW do you make that out?, Pupil :
s'Dor't we read of the lap of the earth ?'
Teacher: "Go up another grade. y
A medical journal devotes a whole col
uInn 10 explaining what causes cold pers-
piration. Anybody who has gone up a
dark alley and stepped on a dog would be
wasting valuable time in reading it.
An exchange says Jesse James died
poor. That was his own fault. He ran
El1rongi2 a great deal Of property, mostly
land, during his life. He ran through
some Of it very rapidly, too.-FT Texas sift-
ngs.
That New Yorker who has not closed
his eyes in sleep for tine last thirteen years
has determined to hire out on a farm this
summer. Inside Of two weeks his en-
nloyer viii have 70 haul him ollt Of bed by
the heels TO get his eyes open.--l- Free
Press
S'WelI, Belle, how are you fixed for tha
college championship :" 1--WE got fifty
on Harvard, Amy, but I do hope Prince
ton will Win.'' ts}Fl2y<'' ssO1, they've
such q sweet little fellow that plays back
stop. - Harvard Lan1poon.
Gle is the happiest man. says Henry
Ward Beecher, who can carry the golden
threads of boyisl1 enjoyment fart}lest along
through the web OF life." What are the
golden threads, Henry, without the silver
dimes and quarters PIN. Y. News,
A shirt has two arms, just as pantaloons
have two legs. Yet one is called pair
and the other IS only one. Isn't it time
that we let=up on astronomy and pay lit
tie attention to the every day trihes that
yex the cIearest minds ?--T Christian at
Work
When a lady visited Mrs. Secretary
KirkWood, the other day, she found that
lady ironing. Hence, whole columns Of
praise and f1attery. Had it been some Wo-
man whose husband had a salary Of $25 per
week. size would have received the cold
cut forever after.--Free Press.
q Iou was never hitched into a harness
with a balI1y mule was ye?" said the
farmer to the young man who came to ask
his daughters hand. sSNo,' responded
the candidate tIoubtfnlly. We'll, then,
don't act jest as if you was spiIin' for a
chance was all the satisfaction be got
=EIntef-0cean.
Briggs hired aliYerT horse to-take q lit
tie exercise. He. got more exercise than
he wanted, and, as he Iimped to the side Of
the road to rest himself, a kind friend
asked him, What did you come. down SO
quick, for2,' ssWhat dill come down SO
quick, for? Did you see anything in the
air for me to hold on to?" he asked,
grimly.
. An Austin family was recently blessed
with a baby boy, the first one in the family.
Next door was a family III which there
were half 4 dozen children. When the
arrival Of the boy next door was announced,
little Johny, aged six, asked Have they
dot q boy. sure enough p Eyes, there's
boy oyerthere at last. = s.Then they win