Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1882-12-29

Hfs#ss ss fssfssH sHss $1,000 -
AT length a perfectly natural
thing came. abOut-after we had
answered three or four hundred false
alarms--to.w wit: we stopped answering
them. Yes, | simply rose up calmly,
when slamnedacro the house by the
alarm, calmly inspected the annuncia-
tor, took note OF the room indicated,
then calmly disconnected that room
from the alarm and went back to bed
as if nothing had happened. More
over, | left that room of permanently
aud did not send for the expert. Well,
it goes without sayingthatin the course
Of time all the rooms we're taken of
and the center machine was out OF ser
vice.
1T was at this unprotected time that
the heaviest calamity Of all happened.
The burglars walked in one night and
carried off the burglar alarm Yes, sir,
every hair and hide of it; rippedit out
tooth and toe nail-springs, bells,
gongs, battery and all; they took l50
miles of copper wire; they just cleaned
her out, bag aud baggage, and never
left us a yestige OF her TO swear at
swear by. | mean.
"We had a time Of it to get her
back, but we accomplished it finally
tor money. Then the alarm firm said
that what we needed now was to have
her put in right-with their new
patent springs in the windows to make
alse alarms impossible, and their new
patent clock attachment to take of
and put on the alarm morning and
night. without human assistance.
That seemed a god scheme. They
promised to have the whole thing
liked in ten days. They began work
aud we left for the summer. They
worked for couple Of days; then they
left for the summer, after which the
burglars moved in aud began their
summer vacation. When we returned
IN the fall the house was as empty as .
beer closet in premises where paint
ers have been at work. We refur
nished, aud then sent down TO hurry
up the expert. He came up to fnisf
the job, and said: Now this clock /,
set to put on the alarm every night a
10, and take it of every morning Al
5:45. All you've got TO do is 10 vino
her up every week, and then leave hel
ALONGSIDE will take care ofthe alarm
herself
After that We had a most TRANQUIL
season for three months. The bill wa
p~rodigious, Of coune, and / had sale
that | would not pay it until the new
machinery had proved to be nawless
The time stipulated was three months
SO l paid the bill, and the very mex
day the alarm went To buzzing lik,
ten thousand bee swarms at 10 ~o'clocl
in the morning. | turned the hand
around twelve hours, according L
instructions, and this took off tn,
alarm. But there was another hitcl
at night, and | had to set her aheaC
twelve hours once more to get her /,
put the alarm on again. That sort o
nonsense went on for q week or two
then the expert came up and put In
new clock. He came up esefy thrsr
months during the next three years
and rut in a new clock. But il wa.
always a failure. His clocks had al
the same perverse defect. They woul,
put the alarm on in the daytime, an,
they would not put it on at night, an,
if you forced it on yourself, they woulc
take 1t of again the minute your bael
was turned.
Nov, there is the history Of tina
burglar alarm-everything Just as i
happened; nothing extenuated an
naught set down in malice. Yes sil
and when | had slept nine Years wit
burglars, aud maintained an inexpen
slve burglar alarm the whole time. 70
their protection, not mine, and at m
4 sole cost-not a id cent could / eve
! get them to contribute Just said /
Mrs. MeWilliams that | had ha,
enough Of that kind Of pie; so wit
her full consent | took the whole thin.
out aud traded it off for a dog. an,
shot the dog. | don't know what Vol