The Lambertville record., 1882-01-04
cdE'T sT0P BE7' il NINTH.

zEszeszess
odR'T sToP BUT il NINTH
Recently afr. salsaper fold lis wife one
morning that he had got about tired of but.
tering his bread with spoon. and that dav
ne sent home refrigerator. II was beauty.
and he felt proud oft; SO much so that he
had good deal TO say about 1t at the store.
suppose you have to pnt ice in it, don't
! you?5' said one OF the clerks.
Certainly, said M. sarsaper; " but then
it takes very little. It's an improvement ON
all Others ever made. Full of little boxes and
allsorts Of things. Keeps everything separate
meat, vegetables, milk and so on-witbout
4 auy mixing up. 1t makes hot weather SO
much more comfortable, Bob, to pull M To-
the table and fnd everything nice, cool and
crisp, instead of limp, sour and slushy. We
wouldn't be without 1t again for any money.
wish you'd run in and look at 1t, Bob tho
l'nsrt time you'rc gssimg ny. rc.s currdsisy.
and know you'll get one as soon as you see
it. Don't you bother about ceremony run
in ut any time"
About two o'clock one morning Mr.. Sarsa-
per was awakened out of his slnmber that al
ways keeps company with an easy conscience,
by bis wife poking him in the ribs and calling
/ on him to hustle out and see what the matter
was. The door-bell was jinglpg like all poa-
sessed MSS
! Mr.. Sarsaper crawled out Of bed, and after
banging his nose on the door-post until the
blood started, giving himself black eye
against corner of the mantle, and falling
down over pretty much everything in the
room, he finally made his way to the front
part of the house, threw up window, aud
peered out into the wet and murky gloom.
who's there?n he demanded, looking
down at the top of an umbrella.
"Me ~ came in thick voice from the
under side oft
who's mc?'
"Bob.n
''a"oh ifa you, isIte What's the matter
BobP Anybody sicks''
~ Oh, no. Yoi see, Ire been out TO So
Evansville with some Of the boys TO helm nsti.
tnde lodge, aud I'm just getting back. ]
happened to think about that refrigerator of
yours as was going by, and SO thought I'd
stop In and see II, without ceremony, ms you
said Come down and let me ia. I'm in n
hurry to get home, and can't stop lut
minute"
slf. Sarsaper snid something that would
bend the types double if We should undertake
to priLt 1t, aud slammed down the window
lie remarked to Bob the next day that fr
downright GOODNESS his refrigerator was n
bake-osen compared to the prank practiced
\ s>s.s shis--------
THE MysTERIoUs.-H was man with a
light beaver overcoat on. He drives white
horse aud top buggy, and all of sudden he
stops In the middle of the street aud looks
hxedly at his horse. In two minutes fifty
people line the curbstone.
whats the matter? y
Balkya"
man steps out to seize The bride and
start the horse, but the driver shakes his head
and motions him away
"Ill bet he's an ugly brute.
"0f course he is. Look at that wicked ego
of his"
/ The crowd has now increased by fifty moro,
and several vehicles have stopped.
Anybody hurt y
"No; balky horse" -
"Why doesn't some one whisper In his
carq'
Four men step ont to give advice, but they
are hastily moioaed back, and livery stable
man in the crowd observes:
If that horse don't kiln two or three men
here shall be much mistaken
Three minutes moro and the crowd num-
bers two hundred. The man with the gray
horse looks up and down the street, braces
his feet takes firm grip on the lines, and
softly says:
''Come; Peter"
And Peior drops his head, dangies his ears
and moves off as slowly and softly as river
Of grease.
"What is it?' calls a man who had run
-four blocks and was pulling like whale.
But there was no one to answer him. The
crowd has dissolved like a handful of sugar
In barrel Of water. 1t is very mysterious,
aud the crowd doesn't enjoy the climax at ali.
Detroit Free Press.
(. >-a~s--->-
JonN PLouanMANs DECEMBER SAYINGS.
Judge not Of ship as she lies on the stocks.
One door never shuts but another opens.
He who hath q trade hath I'm estate.
Linseys, paid for, keep out cold silks, on
credit, soon grow old.
Grumbling makes the loaf no larger.
Money gained to- day Sunday is loss.
/. No gains without pains.
A man of snow is soon dissolved, and so isa
.,,o,, ~ daet,