Connecticut western news., 1882-08-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

l ferent from man in this respect; the more "horns" he has the muller he be- comes.
 INQUIRER. The "Knit Goods Duty" of which all the papers are talking, is to wear well, but they seldom if ever do 1t. "-Boston Courier.
 MosT people who visit Niagara Falls are disappointed in the roar. They ex- pect to hear something like the voice of chairman at a ward caucus,
 WENDELL PHILLIPS once satirized our love of money by saying that if an American saw silver half dollar on the the other side of the everlasting pit he would jump for it and run the risk of falling in.
 A TRADE journal gives directions for "preserving harness" Preserved har- ness may be considered very palatable by those who like that sort of thing, but we don't want bit in our mouth. -No'risto,0n Herald.
 MAMMA, what makes angels ?" asked little boy, who had been reading of the heavenly inhabitants. The mother glanced out into the orchard, and, with warning look, solemnly replied: " Onripe fruit, my dear."
 70, PA, LOOK 1" exclaimed a little boy, pointing to glitterins bauble on the shirt front of country editor; "js that diamondp" The father glanced at the shining jewel and replied, "No, my son; that's only paste."
 "LAPsus LNauR"-Pater-"N Now, look here, my boy, I can't have these hours 1 Whom was your age my father wouldn't let me stay out after dark" Filius-" Hump Nice sort O father you must have had, I should say"
 "WE1n, John, next months Septem- Der. and there's to be an early fall-that sealskin sacque, you know" "Oh, no, wife; l don't know. I've vetoed that sealskin sacque scheme, you see." "Oh, yes, I see; but, my dear, I've passed it over your vetol"
 IN the ladies' cabin of the Hoboken ferryboats the following notice has been posted: "The seats in this cabin are reserved for the ladies. Gentlemen will please not occupy them till the ladies are seated" That strikes us as reversing the proper position.
 A MILWAUKEE drug clerk was whipped for batting whisky in prohibitionist's soda, and the next day lost his situation because he failed to comprehend the significance of an inhuendal citizens wink. It evidently requires Metter- nich to run 8 soda fountain Boston Post.
 SCIENTIFIC men in Japan are said to be discussing the possibility of utilizing the internal heat of the earth. If some of these learned Japs would find a. way of utilizing and carting of some of this summers external heat. we should be glad to use our influence to get them the contract. .-Puck.
 CONTINENTAL customs-The father of an elderly damsel to marriageab!e young man: "On the day that I give you my daughter Adele I will deposit 100, ,000 francs with M. Latitte." Fran cois-" Thanks, dear sir, but suppose you give me the 100, 900 francs and de- posit Mile. Adele with M. Lafitte. "-- Quiz.
 THE Southern young man has fre- quently and uniustly been criticised for not having the gumption of his fore fathers. But there is an Augusta youth who, having but twenty-five cents left after purchasing ball tickets, took his lady love to an ice cream saloon and said to the waiter, "Ore plate; I've had mine."
 A YOUNG Wall street broker annoyed everybody within hearing by constantly singing, "I wish were daisy" until an old fellow shouted in stentorian tone, "I wish were cow" Where upon the young man asked, "What would you do then ?" "Oh," growled he, "I would chew you up and put stop to your internal singing l"- Com nlerctal Adverttser.
 IN one of the churches while the thermometer was in the nineties and the whole congregation felt as though they were being cooked, the minister rose to deliver his sermon. At the announce. ment of his text broad smile illumi- mated the faces of his hearers. They couldn't help it. It was-"And Peter stood by the fire and warmed himself. 7 Herald.
 A. GENTLEMAN, while bathing at sea saw his lawyer rise up at his side, after a long dive. After exchanging saluta- tions, says he, "By the way, how about Gunter ?" "He is in iaii," replied the lawyer, and dived again. The gentle man thought no more about 1t, but on getting his account he found: To con- sultation at sea, anent the incarceration of Gunter, six and eight-pence.
 DIARY of @ summer boarder. Mon day. p. m.-Arrived at the Ramnobscot Hotel. Found it commodious as adver- tised self and family only boarders as yet Meals splendid for those who are contented with hornpouts and blue berries. Tuesday - Blueberries and hornpouts for breakfast. Landlord says hornpout fishing is abundant. Took a walk-the only thing one is al. lowed to take in this prohibition town. Hornpouts and blueberrles for dinner. I took a ride in the afternoon cut my. self severely trying to mow. Horn pouts for supper. Wednesday-Tried to play croquet. The set left by last seasons guests is imperfect, consisting of one hoop and seven mallets. Horn pout for supper. Thursday-Had rraof Aoht with the mosouitoaa laek