Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-14
BROTHER GARDNER ON SLANG AND
EGYPT.

If Rrudder Pizarro Grant am in de hall
tonight he will please step ford" began
the old man as Samuel Shin struck the
triangle and sent its quivering notes dane
ing along the ceiling.
| Brother flzarro was present, and he
stopped, his eyes having squirt of alarm
and his knees losing their sand with every
motion.
f" Brudder Grant, continued the Presi.
dent, " Your am young man on the doah-
step OF life; you war very tight pants an
very short coat, an very narrow hat,
an you look decidedly l0retch en-. chez. De
great world am befo' you. If you begin
right no man dares bet two to one dat you
won't sit in Gohernor's char befo' YOU
am so. II you begin wrong it will be safe
to bet l 800 to muffin dat you will bring up
In State Prison befo' you am ten Vars
older"
Yes, sab, lie tryin' to start right, {"
said Pizarro as Brother Gardner stopped to
swallow pint of water
:" hope SOL hope so, but l doubt it,
Brudder Grant. lie had my eye on you
fur some leetle time back. | doan' fink
you would lie, or steal, or burgler, or forge,
but you has fallen into one very bad habit.
De odder day you met friend in front of
my cabin, an when he axed if you war
gwine on de excursion, you replied dat you
would gasp to gurgle.' On anoder oeca-
shun heard you remark dat you would
mix to murmur.' Again you observed
dat you would sigh to stife. Only an
hour ago you advised Pickles Smith to
bet his sweet life. What does all desc
fngs mean, Brudder Grant ?"
at ,a.1..5
he stood on one leg and scratched his head.
Nor either. lie looked up de Latin
an French, an German an Greek Lam
gauges, but can't find any SIGH expreshun
as hire hall. see you in de graveyard,
or i shoutd smhse Why do you make
! use OF emp -------
81 doan know" ~
Den stop it If plain English am lot
good huff for you to 'spress your thoughts
in, Farm Spanish or Chinese. 1t am all
right for sweet young gal who has been
frew college to remark dat she would litter
to grin, but such 'spresshuns doan' sound
well comm from young man. If should
go home tonight and tell my ole woman
dat l would perspire to eventuate, or 18th.
ograph to animosity, she'd look me straight
in de eye for thirty seconds, an den would
come clumax in which my hat, head an
broomstick would be all mixed up.
Return to your seat, Brudder Grant !;
GO back an sot down wild determination
to avoid slang an do your talkin' squar'
from de shoulder. When you get tired of
beef, go into grocery an ask fur Goldfish
in plain English, and doan' use any mo-
oratory dan am necessary to secure full
weight an git rid of quarter wild hole
In it. We will now purceed to split de
lar order OF bizeness down de back an
let out de sleeves
Somebody hit Elder Toots on the neck
with peach-stone, and he awoke and Of
fered resolution to the effect that Amer.
lea entered her solemn protest against the
action of the British in Egypt.
De resolushun am entirely out of or.
der, replied the President as he tossed it
iuto the wood box. "What goes on ober
de sea am none O. our bizness tall. If de
British want to lick de Turks, or de Turks
want to lick de British, OATS nrffin to us.
elder Toots p
"Yes, sab"
Has you got cabbage patch dis var :"
"Yes, sah."
"Den you tend right to yer cabbage an
let the British Government tend to Egypt.
When you come to our meetius remember
you have de asthma an doan' talk too loud
nor too much"
The Elder sat down in one time and
three motions, and ir forty seconds he had
resumed his nap.-[Detroit Free Press.