Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-05-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

you, avoid the looking glass.
We should be more satisfied with our
prayers if we worked little harder to
help the Lord to answer them.
WHEN burglar makes a raid on the
dwelling of Texas editor, the only
thing the burglar takes, when he leaves,
is his departure.
IT may be right, occasionally, to take
a bull by the horns, but it is always
well to keep in mind that the horns be-
long to the bull.
"HERE rests his head upon the lap Of
earth, . youth to fortune and to fame
uuSnown. Too much benzine crept
underneath his girth, and played the
mischief with his temperate zone"
MARY bought comb for ten cents,
spool of thread for six cents, and paper
of pins for seven cents. She handed the
clerk fifty cent piece with stove-pipe
hole through the rim. How many cents
did she receive in change?
A BooTBLAcK, smoking ''butt" which
he had jast picked up, is accosted by
comrade with, ''Sav, what brand of
cigar is that?' robinson Crusoe."
why dyer call it that?" "'Cause it's
a castaway."
An ACCORDION factory al Long Island,
Y. Y, was destroyed by fire few days
ago. The police are looking for the in
cendiary. II is supposed the people
want to present him with valuable
testimonial. .-NOrristOUn Herald.
+" INFRLLIGENT said the butcher
"that dorg o. mine was the most intel
ligent critter that ever travelled on four
feet Why, when he committed suicide
he did it by jumping into the sausage
machine, so as to save me all the work
he could"
"IT rains, ma," said Estella, ST don't
think will attend church to-day" "It
rains" said Estella's ma few nights
subsequently; "you had better not at
tend the theatre tonight" "Oh, ma"
said Estella, "I can wear my rubbers
and waterproof"
IF WE accept as truth the statement
that every adult man has enough phos-
phorus in his system to make 4, ,0CO
packages of friction matches we may
easily explain why it is that when he
slips up on q banana peeling he sees
600 packages of friction matches
strike fire.
"FHERE are strawberries in the mar
ket, father" said the lady of an Oil
City house recently. "Yes, saw them"
replied the father. "and if they were
not so unhealthy at this season of the
year, we would have some" Thus an
apt answer turneth away bankruptcy.
A CHAP who had escorted girl to the
theatre. thinking to please her, went
out and bought some apples. When he
had put them in her lap she spoke out
loud enough to be heard all about,
''What do you take me fora cider
mill p City chap collapsed he couldn't
stand the press.
''No, INDEED, I'm not gong to learn
how TO make bread" said New Haven
bsile. "Girls who know how to make
bread generally marry men who can't
afford TO buy -four to make it with, and
they have to work in milliner's shop
10 help pay the board bill. I'll stick to
my fancy work.
A MUSICIAN of foreign birth was re-
Gently praised for his playing of the
piano. He was told that his playing
was very neat. At once he flew into q
rage because he felt that he was in
suited. 81 beg your pardon" he ex-
claimed, ''but English speaking people
say meat only of neckties.
A COUNTY, clergyman had been raised
to the dignity of rural dean. When
bsfore the bishop he complained of not
any extra title-plain reverend
did not seem sufficient for his new
dignity. "rhe bishop" he said, "was
called right reverend; dean, very
reverend. Why had not the rural dean
also some prefix" "Well," returned
his lordship, 81 don't know what it can
be unless it be rather reverend. ;"
a MAN was once asked how he and his
wife got along with so little friction In
the family machinery. "Well, said he,
when we were first married we both
wanted our own way. / wanted to
sleep on linen sheets, my wife preferred
cotton, and we couldn't agree. Finally
we talked the matter over, and came to
the conclusion that il was unchristian
TO live in constant pickering; so We
compromised on linen, and have got
along all right ever since. ."-Quiz.
'LoR', missus," said an old darkey,
'what mex you pay money fur to send
de chile to school? l got one smart
bov, Jonas, but larns him myself"
"But, Aunt Charlotte, replied the lady,
''how can you teach the child wher you
don't know one letter from another ?"
'sHow teach him ?" said the woman.
~ lis mex him TEX de book an set down
on de flo, and den | say, Jonas, you
TEX We eve from dat book, much less
leggo him, an skins YOU alive!
"WHAr do you do for a living?" asked
an Austin Justice, of huge, burly me-
gro. who had been arrested for vagrancy.
" Nv wife takes IN washin', and works
out bv de day" ST asked you what
vour trade was 2" 81 done toie yer. A
man and his wife am one. and eff we am
one. what docs we want two trades for
Nv trade am de washin' my wife takes
in" Tho Justice sighed and said :.
&" Poor fellow. You are Overworked.
You need rest. Twenty days. ."-Ter0s
Siftings.
THERE was displayed near the soda
water fountain, in a drug store, the sign
"Bovine Vaccine" A young man, ac-
companied by young woman who
might have been his cousin or sweet