The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-27
HUMOROUS.
Women who ride tricycles in England
az, a. xroo- t,a,oo.o

women VINO rue trlcycles In England
are beginning to wear trousers.
Tom Moore compares love to q
potato, because IL shoots from the
eyes,"
"Something left over from the fight
of yesterday" was the Duke of We'll
lington's definition of hash.
Albert Schwill is an indianapolis
man who has had nineteen fights be-
cause somebody said: "Give him 10
the hogs"
The New York Commercial Adverser
says man seeks after the unattainablc
when he searches for the pocket in a
woman's dress.
A western editor invested in mule,
and the fact wasl chronicled under The
heading, "Remarkablc instance of self
possession"
1t has been ungalantly said that the
telephone does what society rules have
always been unequal to-compels wo-
men who use it to talk one at time.
A publisher announces: 'Tn press
"A Faithful Lover" 1t is safe to wa
ger that the faithful lover is not in press
any more frequently than the girl he
loves.
Persons with boys in the family
should know that the boys have a plat
form, and that they always stand OH it.
L. ---1~. "Snn'a;~c DOME h"-i.
whipping doesn't last long, kill they
dar'sn't."
A good send-ofi: eyes, sir" said a
Kentucky SOIL, al did the square thing
by the old man. Just before they
screwed the lid on his coffin, put four
aces up his sleeve so he wouldn't be at
disadvantage when Gabriel gives us
a cornet solo,"
A Philadelphia mother told her little
boy that he must not say "you lie," but
81 beg your pardon" The next day
he was heard angrily shouting at an
other boy, ~ beg your pardon, and you
dasn't take IL up, either"
A Maryland man whose wife drop
ped dead, few days ago, had the
funeral put of one day longer to get
the balance of his corn hoed. He said
it wouldn't make any difference to her,
40 she WOO oiepove enod-notnrnd
The report that an English admiral
said that the valor of the American
marines at Alexandria did not surprise
him, because men brave enough to go
to sea in an American man-ofwar were
reckless enough to do anything, is a
COMPOUNDED lie.
We have heard of country girl who
couldn't corner pig, but an exchange
notes that beautiful young lady i'll
Atchison, Kansas, has limbs so crooked
that her blood can't circulate, and an
other tells of man with legs so crook
ed he was obliged to have his pania
looms cut with circular saw.
We read frequently of some person
whose hair has turned white in single
night through grief or fear, but the
white haired man who goes into the
hour with hair and whiskers black ms
N 81 VI . "a limo in
the paper.
Acrobatic; A news item says that
the best female circus rider in Rus sia is
who "tnrns u double
somersault through hoop and carries
her name with her." To turn a double
somersault through hoop may not be
a very remarkable feat, but TO get her
name through without knocking of
some of its corners is certainly an as.
performance.
A young man brought his aflianced
down from the country to see the sights.
They were passing the confectioner's,
and the swain noticed in the window
placard bearing the announcement,
ice cream-$l per GAL" "Well,',
laid the young man, as he walked into
he saloon, "that's pretty steep price
o charge for one gal, but, Maria, III
&c You through, no matter what il
osts. Here's dollar, waiter; ice
ream for this GAL"
1t is reported that Brooklyn youth
at beside his girl for Just one hour the
,ther night, and during that lime kissed
her ninety-six times out OF possible
The other four times she got
N hurry and kissed him. This is
fact a lie. To make
hat quick time, she must sit square
lpon his right knee and hold his left
knee with her right hand and her left
arm around his neck. Then the track
Is in the best possible condition for
making fast time.
They were sitting in the shadow of
he honeysuckles, through which the
linking sun was peeping at them with
! face as red as if it had just
emerged from brick kiln. "And You
will take me to Europe on our wedding
lay, darlingr she said, and toyed fond
y with one of his suspender buttons that
had broken loose and fallen into her lap.
A very serious look stole over his
and for some moments
lie was silent. Finally he choked back
! rising sigh and said: "No, deary, we
will stick to the dry land. l never
,onld hold basin under woman's