Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-12-21
Merry Mites.

return kiss for blow. And great
| deal sweeter.
It is no wonder that Epglishmen
grow 30 stout. They have been known,
in individual cases, to gain over thirty
pounds in one week-betting on horse
races.
1t is said that the natural beauties of
the Yellowstone Park are being defaced
and destroyed by visitors. This comes
Of driving away the Indians, who were
in the habit Of scalping tourists.
Herbert Spencer, who arrived in
Liverpool week ago, pleasantly tells
friend that he returns to England for
the express purpose of going to sleep.
He found the United States too wide
awake for his purpose.
Mamma-"Why are you always
beating your doll? That isn't nice"
Elsie-"Yes, it is. must beat the doll,
because | don't want papa to tell me,
as ne always tells you, that l am spoil
ing my children"
The following is the reply of fond
father who had just received letter
from his son, q student in lis own alma
mater My dear son-Accept my heart
lest congratulations. | WIS engaged to
the same Miss Bunter when | was in
college and can appreciate the fun you
are having. Go it while you are young.
Your loving father.
AT Boston dinner party the other
evening Mrs. Julia Ward Howe express
ed emphatically her dislike and disap-
proval of Gov.-elect Butler, and finally
declared that she never would allow
him to be presented to her. "But if you
were at q friends house and she pre-
scented him, not knowing your feelings,
what would you do?" asked a friend.
"Oh," was the reply, at would not be
myself, but the lady's guest, who would
know Gen. Butler"
Nora Perry says in q recent letter: 81
am not surprised at anything Mr..
Howells says, since / heard him say
that Byron was humbug in every way,
and that he didn't care for emotion in
books, but only for artistic effect"
Upon second thought: Jones, Jr.-
Come and have drink, old man."
Brown-"Csn't. I've joined the No
Drink Except-at-Meal-lime Associa-
ton and quite given up that sort Of
thing. But, look here, don't mind, if
you'll stand me dinner"
Medical advice: Country doctor Ito
Tomkins )-"Now, with regard to that
cut on the top of your head, don't
think it will be serious, but you must
keep your eye on it," And Tomkins,
who has the slightest suspicion of u
squint, goes away and dis-recommends
that doctor.
chronological; "Morning Cold as
blazes 'smorning," greeted q business
man yesterday. pretty cold, certainly;
but why utter such an obsurdity as
cold as blazes?' Blazes are hot, you
know" "What would you say?" ooh,
say It's cold enough to freeze two dry
rags together or something of that sort"
The lesson in etymology being over,
both passed on.
A hollow mockery: Spillkins brought
home some Swiss cheese from an Aus
tin grocer, which is full Of holes He
partook of it very literally, but when
he complained q few days afterwards
of feeling of emptiness, little johnny,
who is one of the smartest boys in Aus
tin, spoke up and said 81 know what
makes you feel empty, pa. 1t is them
big holes IN the cheese you ate the other
day"
How she got the notion; Our tailor
was telling us about a conversation he
had with lady. "She made me dis
gusted," he said. Undertook to hatter
me, think. Called me man Of posi-
ton, and wealth. What should put that
idea into her head?' And, anxious to
aid him in understanding the situation,
we remarked that fin all probability she
had seen some of his bills, and he at
once began to talk about the weather.
A. case of chat depends" "And
what age is il you are now, DEAR" asked.
the colonel, Just back from India, OF
the tall daughter of his friend, Tomkin-
son Smith. "Well, that is what ! can't
quite make out" returned the girl,
taking care not to meet her mothers
eye, "for when | go anywhere with
papa | am sixteen, but when I go out
with mamma | am never more than
twelve next birthday The colonel
FASTENED to change the subject.
They were not one: They had only
been married short time. The other
day she slung her arm around him and
warbled, in low, tremulous voice: do
you realize, Adolphus, that now we are
married, We are only one?' NO" re-
piled the brute, 81 can't realize it. l
have just paid a $50 millinery bill and
lot more of your bills, with several
outside precincts to hear from, so am
beginning to realize that. as far as ex-
pense goes, instead of being one, we
are about a half dozen. can't take
in that idea of our being one just yet,
not 10y a large majority
No grounds for it: ~ am sorry to
hear of your uncle having drowned
himself at sea, said Gilhooly to an
influential citizen of Austin, who wore
a sad look and Grape on his hat. eyes,
it was very sad" "Did ne have any
grounds for it?' Glow the mischief
could he have any grounds for it out
at sea, where the water is 3 mile and a