The news., 1882-09-21
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
Boston established the first board of
Trade at the commencement of the rev.
olution.
The life Of a locomotive is only thirty
years. This is another warning to invet-
erate smokers.
A Varied Performance.
Many wonder how Parker's Ginger
Tonic can perform such varied cures,
thinking 1t essence of ginger, when in fact
it il made from many valuable medicines
which act bene6cially on every diseased
organ.
There is quite difference between be-
ing raised at court and being brought up
in court.
Satisfaction for Ten.
In our family Of ten for over two years
Parkers Ginger Tonic has cured head
ache, malaria and other complaints so
satisfactorily that we are in excellent
health and no expense for doctors or other
medicines. = Chronicle.
NOW rapidly cometh the time when the
coal-bin is fathers anxiety, and the
sealskin sacque mammals alteration.
Loss Of hair and grayness, which often
mar the prettiest face, are prevented by
Parkers Hair Balsam.
A Whitehaller claims he is entitled to
pension for an ankle he sprained while
jumping bounty during the war.
CATARRH OF THE BLADDER.
Singing, smarting, irritation Of the
urinary passages, diseased discharges,
cured BY Bnchupaibs. 81. at druggists.
Hrepaid by express, $1.25, 6 for SIS. E.
2. WELLS, Jersey City, NJ
1t il singular freak which ladies have
that Of making their new bonnets match
everything but their husbands pocket
book.
BRAIN AND NERVE.
Wells Health Remover, greatest remedy
on earth for impotence, leanness. sexual
debility, &C., 81 at druggists. Prepaid
by express, $125, 6 for SIS. E. s. WELLS.
Jersey City, N. J.
"Mind your own business" is as good
motto for newspapers, in their relation
with one another, as it is for individuals.
Lippincotfs Cough Syrup and Dyspep-
sia Tonic tell their own story. Sold BY
dealers generally. Tonic 81 90 per bottle. |
syrup Is and so cents. Office and labor
atory, Mount Holly, N. J.
J. p. LrPPINcoTT, Proprietor
The introduction into this country of |
tight pantaloons for young men has con-
WINGED Us that one out of ten of our sex
has his legs put on wrong end up.
DR.. Kline's great nerve restofer is the
marvel of the age for all nerve diseases. |
All fits stopped free. Send to 931, Arch |
st., Philadelphia, Pa.
Commanders of United States ships of
war are dismissed if they take pilots on
board, and they run the ships aground if
they do not. In the light of such events
il Is plain to see that the United States
Navy ought to walk.
4 Deem 1t My Duty to Tell
what DR.. Swayne's Compound syrup OF Wild
Cherry has done for me. l had violent
cough. night sweats, sore throat. great weak
up an hopes of recovery. am cured, a |
EDWARD H. HANSON,
Engineer of Sweeny's Pottery,
1884 Ridge Avenue, Philadelphia,
Over twenty hive years have elapsed and
am still hearty man.
The other night an amateur prize-fghter
was killed by mule, in Fayetteville
Arkansas. Barnum wants the mule
but the people of the town are unwilling
to part with him.
!. Don't Die in the House.
Ask your druggist for "Rough on Rats"
1t clears out rats. mice, bedbugs reaches.
vefmine, flies, ants, insects, l5c per box.
Several wild men have been discovered
in the woods of Northern Michigan, and
the Boston Post cruelty insinuates that
they must be some old subscribers of the
Chicago papers.
EiegGsst Toilet Preparations.
nAlE 0ftS9iuks duu restorative is found In
London Hair Color Restorer." It seldom
fails TO restore gray or faded hair to its orig
inal youthful color and beauty. Falling
hair y checked ~ It's use, and 1t produces a
and luxuriant. It certainly is the most
cleanly and eficctive hair restorer now be
fore the American people.
4. A. Gibson, BarrytOwn Duchess county.
N. X, writes; DR.. SWayne & Son, Philadel.
phia: Gents-I enclose Post office order for
eight DOLLARS please send me one dozen bot
ties OF the London Hair Color Restorer,, |
II has stopped my hair from falling, and re-
stored It to IL natural color. 1t has proven
aet9NgtorI IN every respect The "London
the leading druggists at rs cents bottle.
The power of the human eye can only
be fully appreciated when we'll regula-
ted wink will change bottle of tonic
beer into bottle of lager in spite of the
label.
Skin DISEASES
ssswaynes Ointment Cures the most in
ssswnyne's Ointment Sveterate cases skin
ssSwayne's Ointment disease, such as tet-
s1Swayne's Ointment"1 ter, salt rheum,
s'Swayne's Ointment Sscald head, BARRIERS
sSwayne's Ointment itch, sores, all crus-
"Swayne's Ointment" (ty scaly skin itch.
.Swayne's Ointment ing skin eruptions
a'Swaynes Ointment and that distressing
,.Swayne's Ointment" complaint, itching
sSwayne's Ointment piles, the only eff
s.Swayne's Ointment" fectural cure, no |
ssSWayne's Ointment" (matter how obsti |