The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1882-04-26
PLEASANTRIES.

! PLEAsANTRIES.
The Irishman's definition of prophecy
the memory of events that are not yet
trsnspired.
Some men when they go TO chsrch never
think of studying the frescoing on the cell
ing until the collection-plate is being pass
ed around.
Lady Ito Hibernisn driver)-"I told you
to drive faster, Pat, you see | have missed
the train7' Pat-"Shure, mum, we are only
minute too late"
A Judge out in Wisconsin has just de-
cided that a man is liable for what mis- wife
saws. Wives out in that country will now
wear muzzles on washing days.
81 want one of those long felt hats, papa"
said pretty little girl to her father. The
| indulgent isther forked over the money,
and her head now fills the long-felt want
Judge-"See here, prisoner, if you do any
more lying you won't get of with three
years" Prisoner-"But Judge, how many
years dye spoose y'd gimme if told the
trooth2"
If it take boy twelve years of age twen-
ty-two minutes TO bring in six small sticks
OF wood, how long will it take him to walk
a mile ard half to see circus processionT
-Burdette.
Two considerations: 'What q change"
excleims the novelist, Roe. "one little
woman can make.in O mans lifep Exactly;
and what heap of "change" she requires
while doing it.
There are FIVE Sundays in this month,
and when school boy wants 20 know why
there are not five Saturdays as well, you
might as well hire him to go away. Expla-
nations wont fetch him.
Old Abrams wisest remark: OFF dc de-
scendsnts of de rooster what crowed at Pc
ter wes to make noise ebery time lie Is
told dare would be such no;oe in de world
dat yer couldn't hear de hens cackle."
A country paper Gays that the other day
an Irishman was called up in case OF as
ssult and battery, and when asked by the
magistrates what he said remarked, al said
to him, wild de toe of my boot, Go homeP !"
Laws and customs have not changed
much in hundred years, after all. In 1860
the English Parliament forbade the cele-
brating of marriages in America without
stamps. Now the laws Of society as effect
ually prevent it.
A statistical fend estimates that it takes
100000 elephants yearly to supply the ivory
OF the world. If the game of billiards
were to be abolished about 100000 married
men in this country would be home earlier
in the evenings,-Norristown Herald.
GLOW are you getting alongf" asked a
widow of her late husband, who appeared
to her at midnight as a ghost. Ghost:
every well, indeed-much better than dur
ing my twenty years married lie on earth.
| Widow (delightedj: "Then you are in
] heaven?" "Oh, no."
1.-THE hair tells, says an exchange. speak
| ing of some scientific operation. We should
MARBLE that the hair tells. After a young
man has been out late aud comes home puff
ing his breath against tho frosty almost
phere of the morning. it is ten to one that
the hair on his coat tells his wife all about
it.
There had been seeming GOODNESS be-
tween the lovers. One day Emilys school
mate ventured to refer 10 the subject and
asked her: "When did you see Charley
laSt?" 1.-Two weeks ago tonight" "What
was he doiug2" Trying to get over the
fence" "Did he appear to be much agi-
tated2" $50 greatly" returned Emily,
That it took all the strength OF papas new
bulldog to hold him."
During the recent food in Arkansas
farmer got his family and effects in a fat
boat and sailed around for number of
days after the style of Noah. Finally, hav-
ing no dove on board, ne strapped demi-
| john on his sons back and sent him on
mission of discovery. When the boy re-
turned with the demijohn full, they knew
that the waters were subsiding and that
the crossroads tavern was still safe.
1t all depends: sob, Cicely, my dear,
isn't it perfectly frightful2 Such great
drifts of snow all about" Said New Ha-
ven belle to her morning caller. Indeed,
but think its charming. Why, I've been
| tipped out of the sleigh three times on my
way down here, and l assure you it's splen-
did. ait all depends on who helps you up,of
course" and the conversation dropped into
discussion of the latest crochet stitch.
mo man shall ever kiss me except my
future husband" she said, as he was about
leaving her at the gate. Suppose L agree
to be your future -" "Why, then I'll
kiss you" she replied eagerly; and she did.
Her mother was informed that he had pro-
posed, and the old lady called around next
day to fasten matters and before he knew
1t he was eternally hooked. 1t was mean
advantage, but bird in the hand is worth
two on the front gate.-New Orleans Plea
yune.
Speaking of Dreams" said old Meta
physics, the other day. did you ever notice
that whenever you dream of falling, falling,
falling, you always wake up bofore you
stop. Well if you stopped before you
woke you'd wake up in the next world"
And that very same night he dreamed he
dropped from fve-story window and no
woke up, not in the next world, but feeling
around on the oilcloth for the bed-clothcs.
New Haven Register.
The average young man can not hold
thirty pounds of iron on his knees for TWEEN.
ty ninutes,yet he willingly kills himself try
ing to hold 40 pounds OF girl for two
hours. Detroit Free Press. Well, would
you advocate the holding of a bar of iron
by man, young or old, in preference to
140 of good looking femsle2 Ii that is the
platform you running on you will have
an almighty big majority recorded against
you. You can hold thirty poundsof pig
iron, and we will struggle along with seven
times the weight in 'totner kind. We were
always wiling to do more than our share
Of the hard work.---Peck's Sun.
''Self rules the world" said John. one day;
Zach values self all things above"
| with men" said Jane, that is the way,
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