Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-06-24
SATURDAY SMILES.

The young lady who paralyzed the clerk in
a Hackensack drug store by asking for a sponge
bath instead of a bath sponge is first cousin to
the girl who told the hardware merchant that
she wanted diminutive sport, meaning, of
course. small rake.-N. Y. Commercial
--Adaptability: A man never looks so like
red-handed villain as when he is told by the
photographer to look pleasant. Hart ford
Times
The long established friendship existing be-
tween the family and the sitting room stove at
last shows tendency to x-Sy-acuse Her.
aid.
= The khedive, it is reported, paused the
other day to remark that Don Cameron is no
manager. How easy it is to see other peoples
blunders!-Boston Post.
-Keely has agreed to make known his secret.
mean Philadelphia man says Keely's dis
closure will probably be about as follows: stake
half pint OF water; pour it into some queer
looking machine-any odd shape will dO-and
then tel the capitalists and prospective stock
holders present that should you move the lever
1t would blow them all into the next county, as
the material In the machine is not quite strong
enough to stand the pressure. They will hur-
riedly subscribe and leare."-P Philadelphia Ne,os
An Austin man started in the livery-stable
business last week, and the first thing he did
was to have big sign painted, representing
himself holding mule by the bride. SIS that
a good likeness of me 2" he asked of an admirinr
friend. ''Yes, it is perfect picture of you; but
who is the fellow holding you by the bride ?"-
Texas Sittings.
Nothing but pure politeness make q bald
headed man lift his hat on meeting with a
young lady.
One of the United States consuls in italy
with this glowing statement "Juiius Caesar
was consul Napoleon BOnaparte was q con-
sui and so was 1"
When professor distributes his circulars
he has pupil in his eye.-Musical Herald
"A little five-year-old boy was being instruct
ed in morals by his grandmother. The old lady
told him that all such terms as ''by golly," .sby
jngo '.by thunder" etc., were only little oaths,
and but little better than other profanties. In
fact, she said, he could tell profane oath by
the prefix 'by." All such were oaths "Weli.
then, grandmother" said the little hopeful. sis
by telegraph, which see in the papers, swear
ing?" No." said the old lady, that's only
lying. Rome Sentinel
Col. Alb. Dorsey caught little garter snake
IN ms garden Yesterday and. after combining the
reptile in box, handed it to well-known gen
tleman as specimen of his wheat crop. Upon
opening the box the party threw it on the pave
ment. swearing it was a snake but the by-
ISLANDERS insisted that it was but a head of
wheat. and picking up his snakeshlp proved by
Il.
marked the victim. with a s1udder, CT don't
WanttO dispute you gentlemen's word. but
feel it Is about time for ne TO swear of" We
noticed our friend later LII the evening with a
blue ribbon pinned on the lappel of his coat
Athens (Ga.) Basssses'.
Those who have been gssstered to death by
the frrepressibie dandeiioI on their lawns NAV
now take heart The pest viii poster them no
more. Eastern markets have begun to utilize
them for greens. SO that gardeners cultivate
them for sale. The plant having thus become
useful the bugswill eat it of ahore ground. the
grub will saw its roots In two. the sun will parcl
it to death. the rains vii. drown it ont. the
rain VIII thrash it to strips, and the BOYS will
dig it out and steal it. Thus the dandelion.
which has been among the first of the weeds to
coax its way into human favor in the spring by
throwing out its golden blossoms as a sort OF
flag OF truce and peace Offering combined. will
retire from the field ana thu lawn to the seclll
sion OF the guarded gfeanhouse.- Detroit Free
Press
Don Cameron Is a bard as we'll as a bose
He has dashed off the following cOuplet in
lady's autograph album:
sFrom what have suffered, this moral draw
When one has to0thache he'd best hold his Law
Bishop GiImour has prohibited the Catholic
ladies' Of Ohio from Joining the female Land
League, because it Is secret Organization. -
En-. How the mischief can it be secret organi-
Zati0n II there are women In it?-Teras Sifiia1s
= = 49,
blasted xa0pes.
From the Kansas City Times
The Times has expended hard moncy. In the
neighbOrheod OF 81 to be able to announces II,
It's patrons this morning that Mrs. Fred Para
oxsan x,xNo Nx11li n IYnuo ls~S 90