The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1882-11-23
A VERSATILE GENIUS.

A VERSATILE GENIUS.
The editor had completed his hard weeks
work, and had sent the last instalment Of
"copy" for THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE to the
foreman, and was leaning back in his easy
chair, enjoying a lODg-deferred rest, when a
loud knock was heard at the door of the sane
tun. The editorial feet were removed from
the editorial desk, and the editorial voice sung
out, Come in" The door opened somewhat
cautiously and admitted visitor of lank form
and decidedly seedy appearance, with roll OF
! manuscript under his arm.
care you the editor?" he remarked, in q
voice whose melody appeared to be somewhat
impaired by the ravages OF time
The editor responded in the affirmative.
any name is Cyrus J. Higgins" said the
visitor You have heard Of me, presumed"
The editor stated that he was forced to
admit that the pleasure Of an acquaintance
with the Ilustrious name was an entirely novel
sensation.
and such is flannel" said the stranger, with
what he evidently intended for bitter and
cynical smile, but what was really most OK
traordinary distortion Of countenance convey
ing no idea in particular to the dispassiona:s
observer.
Sir" he continued, a. am literary genius,
I am the most versatile writer of this OF any
other age"
The editor expressed his qualification at BE-
holding so remarkable an individual.
al have here" said the literary genius,
Some samples of my literary ability, which,
as certain Of my personal effects are tempo
rarily detained by a relative, I am willing to
dispose of for pocuniary consideration. 1 can
write in any style, snd upon all subjects"
The editor remarked that such versatility
was an unusual gift.
"For instance" said Mr.. Higgins, selecting
a sheet Of manuscript, here is something of
descriptive nature, which lays over anything
that Bulwer ever wrote":
1.-THE pand sp!endor Of a siivery flood Of ius-
trous rays emitted from the midnight orb, show
cred It's effIlgeut brlanCe Ethwart the gHarled
shapeicss branches of the giants of the forest
that like grim scntIneis lifted their towering forms
toward the cloudless dome OF Heaven"
There" said the stranger how does that
strike you?"
The editor stated that he presumed thss sks
idea intended to be conveyed was that the moon
shone in the woods.
Exactly" said the genius.
The editor iutimated that in his opinion
Bulwer never wrote anything similar to that,
"Of course not" said the visitor, with sat
isfed expression " Now here is a poem that
would have immortaIized Longfellow, had he
written it, Listen:
.''When silently the curtain Of the night
Falls softly er the glory of the day,
When sadueued Nature weeps the dying light,
4Yt-, Il sl-t nee LIET 20
Then comes To the memory Of days,
Long shrouded IN the silent nevernors,
When ers1 stole INTO my sunts back yard.
And slammed beer-bottles q. the cat next
door
"Where is Longfell0w now2" triumph&ntly
exclaimed the poet.
The editor remarked that he believed Mr..
Longfellow was dead.
Now. here is something" continued the
versatile writer, in what l call the composite
style Observe how beautifully the medieval
form of language is blended with the modern:
Now. Lv NV halido!n - quoth the barkeeDer
thou shalt not have another SIn-Lz until thou hast
set ed for the last round how, now, NarietT'
spake Reginald de Nontrose 'wouldst insult tho
honor OF mine ancient name? In socth thou hast
81 evil tongue, and my sword shall Cieave thy
casque IN twain, thou saIdst another word L
priiuee, gentle knight spake the barkeeper,
'=hout not OF thy chin loudly, lest the peeier
outside should tumble to the racket, and pull the
house"
How's that?" said Mr.. Higgins.
The editor admitted there was considerable
blending in the style.
Now" said the poet, ." 1 propose to reyolu-
tionize the whole system Of reporting news by
converting it into poetry. Now, suppose for
instance l WAS dispatched TO write up the
meeting of a scientific society, would work it
up something in this style:"
The Academy of Sciences convened thO other
And stun around the science in scientific way,
Old Pcr,ig7 entertained the gang with what few
facts he knew,
On Results Of Deep sea Soundings on the eoaft OF
Kalamazoo,
Mickey Hickey read paper on the 'Careonifsrns
And DR., Bump exhibited some fossil oyster soup,
Professor Jones palayered then with tuenCy ana
On Experiments in Polarizing Light by Means
Another ,uner spoke shout the Theory Of Bils,'
And AtluviaI Deposits ut the Sources Of the Nile
The Effect OF the Electric Light on Dahquesesns
The Information OF tho Species Known as Base
ION Alstropjc Forms of Gin Found in the osono
Belt
ON Traces in Hobokcn of the Prehistoric CeIt'
These were all submitted by some Scientific gents
Who used ream of legal cap, regardless OF az
pense'"
"Now, isn't that an Improvements en- the
present style?" said the gifted being.
The editor conceded that the style would be
spt to attract attention.
81 will now give you" said the literary
phenomenon, something in the aesthetic line,
that Tor wealth OF imagery would paralyze
Oscar vi" But here the editor explained
that he was so overwhelmed with his visitors
genius that ne would be forced to discontinue
the interview and by deity inserting his
hands on the inside Of the strangers paper collar
intimated to him that he might Withdraw, at
least the versatile genius so construed the
editors meaning when he picked himself up
at the foot OF the stairs.