The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-02-11
REAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

ALWAYS under the laeh-Ihe eye.
The musicians pet The trumpet
A hollcr mockcry-The telephone.
An autumn idyl-The corner loafer.
A strong Observation-Disclosures and onions
Medicine for sick dog-Wne and bark
A fare questionable you put 1t in the box?
Acomplaint Of long standing-rhc 'hop'gir' =
While stingy husbands are not popular, every
maiden likes TO have her beau very close.
A Chicago woman drives street'car. Hence
che can't be passing fare "-NorF"'o"" he'"'"
The man who objected to friends WIFE th"t
she was as "homely as SIM was silenced ana
made thoughtful by the reply that she was also
as agreeable.
Another cremation furnace is to be erected
mi. time near New York. 1t is well enough 10
burn those not worth burying.
Most Of us know something about the disci-
Mine of poverty aud feel quite ready TO expert
ence some OF the awful responsibilities OF wealth
At the polls, recently, it was easy to tell the
man who voted eyes" on the license question:
nv the appearance of his mos"
Boiling hair in a solution of tea will darken H.
saws an exchanges; but some folks don't like 10
have their tea darkened in that way.
$500 much absorbed in his business was the
comment of a Western newspaper on The death
of brewer who was found drowned in tank OF
his own beer.
A Mr.. Damit lives over IN Kentucky. We
don't remember having met him, and yet we've
heard his name mentioned hundreds of times in
this city.
A Denver (Col) hotel clerk, in giving de-
scription of the various kinds of people who beat
hotels, says that keepers of the latter seldom sui
fer from gamblers and sporting men.
A Washington marriage ceremony was inter-
terrupted by the brides father, who whipped her
with rawhide and kicked the bridegroom out
of the house. II is inferred that he disapproved
OF the match.
An old gentleman, being asked what he wish
ed for dinner, replied, Gan appetite, good COM
pany, something to eat and clean napkin"
The facetious postage.stamp clerk who told .
man that asked for two twos that this was not
an ssthetic post Office is now looking for situa-
ton
'What is the best attitude for self.defence|'
said pupil Quitting on the Gloves to well
known pugilist. keep a civil tongue in your
head" was the significant reply.
"THE GREAT SEAL"
ooh, for the good old times" quoth Jones,
'When could place my seal
Upon my better halls red lips,
Aud sweet sensations fcel
In those hard times my loving wife
Applies the torturing rack,
BY daily begging for seal
To put upon her back"
A Phiadelphian deserted his wife to go of with
another woman. After being away month, he
wrote back that he was repentant, and wouldre re-
turn If assured Of a welcome The wife replied
"Comc home--yOu will be warmly received"
And so he was--by the officer who was on hand
TO arrest him.
Canada women can afford to laugh at their sis.
tiers across the border for being afraid OF mouse.
What would they say To II Canada rat? The To-
ronto Gobe tells Of a rat the other evening biting
two children in bed. Their cries awakened their
parents, when the chase after the invader oc-
cured 1t was finally killed and weighed twcn-
ty-four pounds.
A fashion journal says that white yultures
feathers are used in opera hats. The vulture's
bill is kept by the miIiner who subsequently
presents it to the husband of the woman wearing
the hat.
In the early days, when Chicago was only a
board shanty, the name was pronounced Shyca.
70 As the settlement grew larger and became
possessed Of feminine inhabitants as well rs
males it was called Shecago. At present the
enemies Of the swell city Of the lakes know her
only as Chcekcago.
The great apostle of the aesthetics was asked
the other day which Of all the numerals he
thought the most truly beautiful and sercnely
lovely, "Why, four, to be sure" he replied, with
an air Of ine1pressibe lauguor. "And why%
asked his fair qucstioner. Because it's two
twoy.' And that was all he said that day.
The air was pcrmeatcd with a snow chill, the
sky WAS oycrhung with leaden clouds, and a
brrezr carrying cicles in its onward sweep play
ed with her long, brown locks But she hest.
tatcd not. Suppressed forward, driven by a re-
si-tlc-- impulse, aud one glance at her deter
mined face plainly showed that she was resolved,
firmly rrsolyrd-to get five yards of velvet trim.
mius cut bias to match, II she overhauled every
DRY goods store in town, and we presume she did.
tue HCSGtY BOARDER.
"Ou, husband what one bpardcr eats
Wrd scarcely miss, MOI even meats
Do lc' me take Ouc-Npu Hill see
The profits make you r.-. AID me-
Tn. husband tVaz tnn "a .-.. MAJ,