The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1882-06-05
Wit and Wisdom.

for a latch-key when the Women's Emancipa-
ton League meets Monday night, the Ladies'
Domestic Mission Tuesday, the Sisters of Jeri-
cho Wednesday, the Woman's Science Circle
Thursday, the Daughters OF Nineveh Friday,
and the Women's Progressive Art Association
and the Snffrage Band on alternate Saturday
nights. You stay at home and see that the ba-
by doesn't fall out of the cradle" He stays
Quiz.
No DIsAPPoINTMENT.--Wi Virgins Pellets
have an inherent power to cure Dyspepsia,
Constipation, Piles, Sick or Nervous Headache,
and all diseases of the Stomach, Bowels and
Liver NeUer surpassed in the history of medi
cine Sufferers, try them, and ye will suffer
DO more. Fifty cents bottle at druggists.
Sent by mail on receipt of price.
Miss Sawyer's salve, as rsoao prepared, DeatS
the world. Twenty-Five cents box. Sent by
mail.
W1aGIN & Co., Proprietors, Rockland, Me.
A story is narrated of the present Bishop of
Limerick which, coming from Lord Emily must
be true The Bishop, who has for some time
back been in extremely delicate health, was
told some days since by his physician that
trip to Nice was positively necessary to set him
up in health; but he positively decliAed to en-.
terrain the idea of going, and shook his head SO
determinately that the man of pills and potions
thought it only right to express himself in
plain terms. my lord" he said, very solemn
", ST tell you candidly that your case is
most serious one, and If you do not go to Nice
you must very soon go to heaven. 'Oh! wei,
in that case, said the Bishop, very dismally,
81 will go to Nicel"-Life.
A physician says alcohol has killed more peo-
pie than yellow fever. Well. doctor, more
people have taken it.-Boston Post.
Tighten your sisters cares by giving her the
Domestic - Elm street.
The Newark Journal publishes poem ad-
dressed "To an Assassin That's right! As
sassins deserve punishment. Address your
poetry to them.-[ Boston Post.
oBloating headaches, nervous prostration
and spinal weakness cured by Lydia e. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound.
A lawyer in Ohio has been disbarred for
stealing sheep. The Ohio bar thinks the line
should be drawn somewhere. Boom
erang.
What gives healthy appetite, an increased
digestion, strength to the muscles, and tone to
the nerves2 Browns Iron Bitters.
A cablegram says: 1.-THE bulk of the Zulu
warriors, having married, desire peace" Just
the same with Zulus as with other folks-Bos-
ton Post.
The beauties of the face of women are often
obscured by tormenting humors, easily got rid
of by using DR.. G. W. Benson's Skin Cure. 1t
heals eruptions of the skin or scalp and renders
the cuticle smooth and fair. An excellent
toilet dressing.
Nawah Igbalood- Dowlah, vikar-ool Oomra,
attended Prince Leopold wedding. Some men
will do anything to get their names in the so
ciety column.-Louisville Courier-Journal.
The dyspeptic, nervous individual, who Is
vainly seeking rest and sleep, will get relief by
using Wheat Bitters.
The composer Hellmsberger, of Vienna, once
noticed well-known dramatic author laugh
ing during one of his performances. After the
concert he met him and asked, "Why did you
laugh while played? Did you ever see me
laugh at your comedies? '-Boersen Courier.
What one dollar will do: 1t will buy bottle
of ELIXIR OF LIFE Roof" it will cure you of
Kidney Complaint, Dropsy, Gravel. Diabetes
and all diseases of the Urinary Organs, and
saves hundreds Of dollars in doctors bills.
A new sub-order of odd-toed ungulates, or
hoofed quadrupeds, named Condylarthra, has
been proposed and extended by Professor
Cope to include early tertiary mammals con-
stituting two families, the Phenacontid@ and
Meniscotheriidm.- Critic. This news
greatly relieves us. We have long suspected
that this would have to DO done, and are much
pleased to have our suspicious confirmed IN the
above manner.-Haryard Lampoon.
The medical profession universally and
heartily approve of Wheat Bitters as blood,
brain and nerve food. 1t is unrivalled.
'Violet, dearest, do you play that tune Of
temp asked Hugh Montressor of his afianced.
"Yes, pet, and when we are married I'll play
it all the time" Then Hugh went out and
shuddered himself to death. -Steubenville Re-
publican.
Trouble Saved.
1t is a remarkable fact that THOMAS EcLEc-
TRIO On, is as good for internal as external
use. For diseases Of the lungs and throat, and
for rheumatism, neuralgia, crick in the back,
wounds and sores, it is the best known remedy
and much trouble is saved by having it always
on hand.
A lady named Crimes is about to appear on
the public platform. It is to be hoped that
she will not commit herself-[ Boston Courier.
If Nearly Dead
after taking some highly pulled up stuff, with
long testimonials, turn to Hop Bitters, and
have no fear Of any Kidney or Urinary
Troubles, Bright's Disease, Diabetes or Liver
Complaint. These diseases cannot resist the
curative power of Hop Bitters; besides it is the
kao+ Co., n, ofr aorfh