Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-08-09
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

quite sure this is carbonate of soda, not
arsenic ?" Druggist-"Q uite, ma'am;
try it and judge for yourself"
IT is noted as queer misprint in one
OF Chicago's great dailies last week that
doctor felt of patients "purse."
Nothing very queer about that.
A WASHINGTON clerk who had a key of
specie drop on his fingers, is one of the
few people who ever had too much cash
on hand.-Bo8to'a Commercial Bulletin.
WHAT is the difference between freight
and cargo. A horse-car conductor says
the passengers make the freight, and the
horse makes the car go.
FoGG at the theatre: Him !'' eiacu-
lated Fogg. $50 they say this play was
taken from life? / should say rather
that the life is taken from the play"
AN exchange tells of a man who scout
his throat in the third story" What a
beautiful neck that would have been for
a garroter to experiment upon Boston
Transcript.
SCI UNDERSTAND that your courtship
with Charley is at an end" eyes"
said she; " Charley pressed his suit until
it become threadbare, and then I gave
him the sack"
A LITTLE girl on being told something
which greatly amused her, said that she
-" would remember it the whole of her
life, and when she forgot it she would
write 1t down."
BLINDMAN's bluff is supposed to come
nearer to genuine sympathy than any
other amusement known to the children
of man, because sit is a fellow feeling
for fellow creature.
I" How clumsy you are p said the mis-
tress at the table, as the waiter split the
sauce over a guests rich dress, "there
won't be sauce enough to go round now"
Detroit Free Press.
A woMAN's journal warns it's fair read
ers never to sleep in the broad glare of
the moonlight. Considering the wealth
er, this advice is timely. There is man
In the moon. -Philodelpbao NeaOs. '..
THIS is given as a sure way to detect
the adulteration of wine: After empty
ing the bottle, fill it with water and set
it in the sun for two hours. IF at the
end of that time the bottle explodes the
wine was pure. 9s. fe-T q..,
TRANSLATED from the Omnibus: A
servant bestroked himself his bread-cut
upon both sides with butter. There
over to the talk brought, said he: yes,
know it, my undermouth is to me just
as dear as my overmouth."
MEMBER of the church out of breath:
What are you ringing that bell for?
What are you ringing that bell for ?''
Sexton: "Why, Mr.. Blower is dead
M. c.: "Oh, mol it isn't true. Stop
the bell" Sexton: .'Well, then, sup
pose I tolled lie' .... .-.- ...'....
A NEW Mrs. Malaprop: In a subur-
ban town lives relative of the immortal
Mrs. Malaprop. The other evening a
caller asked if Mr.. - was at home and
could be seen. CT think not, ;" was the
reply. 81 believe my husband has ex-
pired for the night" sHl ..lnalia "
JOHNNY came home from school the
other day very much excited. "What
do you think, pa, Joe Steward, one of
the big boys, had an argument with the
teacher about a question In grammar p.
"What position did Joe take ?" ellis
last position was across chair, with his
face down p
An Austin teacher was explaining frac-
tions to a rather dull boy. Snow, sup
pose you and your little sister were I'M
der a tree, and you found peach and
you wanted her to have as much as you,
how would you go about it?" ssShake
down another peach out of the tree and
give her the littlest one."
SUMNER resort item-One of the
younger Coquelin's stories relates that,
during visit to Brighton, Sarah Bern
-hardt lay down on the beach dressed in
white. She was -brusquely awakened
from her reveries by washer-woman,
who picked her up, having mistaken her,
for bath towel laid out to dry.-Loa-
don Truth. ~
3 A MIssOURIpaper wants to know 'twho
can endure being haUked at with the
black beak of envy % No one, sir No
one can tamely submit to such thing.
And if ever any man hawks at Us with
his black beak of envy, well bite him
with dog If the Hvid talons of retribu-
ton smite us with the red bolt of ven
geance from the dripping jaws of the
cloud of hate the next minute. Yes,
We'd do it.-Hao0keye. msll d5r
GENERAL KoLPAKovsKI, a general
who has risen from the ranks by sheer
and reckless daring In Central Asia, is
said to be the coming man In the Russian
army. It is not strange that soldier
bearing such cognomen should reck-
lessly risk his life in order to ''make a
name for himself. -NorristoaOn Her
aid.
HONEST JOHN was about to be married
for the fourth time. His dominic con-
graduated him, and added: 'sIhey say,
John, you're getting money with her;
you did so on the last two occasions;
you'll get quite rich by the wives"
I" Dear sir" quietly responded John,
6 what WI bringin' them in. and putin
them out, there's nae mockle made o
them" 5e
Mrs. BRowN-ss Dear me, Mrs. Jones,
are those tall young ladies really yours?
I had no idea you had daughters grown
up" Mrs. Jones (who is still possessed
of considerable personal attraction)-
"Oh, yes! 7 was married at Is, you
know And is that young gentleman
really your son p Mrs. Brown (who is
also possessed of ditto ditto ditto)-
"Yes-a-I was married at 1872