The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1882-07-05
Fnshlons in Lies.

"What is the style of spring lie, this
season?' asked a one-eyed man, as he
dropped down by the exchange editors
side. "Have they retrimmed the inter-
convertible snake, that breaks up into
precincts and comes together at the call
of the presiding linkP"
Haven't seen anything of it,' replied
the exchange editor, plunging his shears
into the account of q tornado that shifted
a State line hundred feet and landed a
river in a cottonwood grove without Jis-
turbing a ripple.
'Tm glad of that, said the one-eved
man, rubbing his hands slowly. Il new
er liked that lie. IL always seemed far
fetched and unwholesome; beside, you
couldnt help thinking that a frog might
swallow a quorum of the snake and not
leave enough to transact business. Do
you see anything of that lie abOut the
dragon out in Illinois, with wings like a
corn-patch and a smell of birthstone? Is
the dragon current this yearP"
Haven't struck him yet, p" answered
the editor, eliminating the profanity
from far western account of mine
explosion, in which forty men were
blown through the side of a mountain
seven miles thick. elf he around he's
flying very low"
THAT plcases me, too" smiled the
one-eyed man. stroking his chin. "The
only objection I ever had to that dragon
was the smell It never sounded rea-
sonable. If they had said he smelled of
birthstone and mOlasses it might have
worked in a girls boarding-house as a
fair spring lie, but they couldn't fix it to
do for men unless they perfumed him
with blue pills. 1t was a great mistake.
Have you struck any fresh particulars
about the sea-serpent since the thaw?'
ITO early for him., returned the ed
itOr, writing a new headline to an ac-
count of a baby who fell out of a window
sixty feet and bounced back without
split, bruise or chip-Of. "He' Il be around
by the 14th of July"
THE 14th of july murmWed the
one-eyed man. 81 reckon you're right.
Yes, you're right; with a head like a
barrel and eyes like coffee cups; esti-
mated by Mr.. William Jennings, of To-
bago township, to be at least two-thirds
of a mile long Yes, that's his date,
July IA. like to read about him. There 5
always something breezy and fresh about
that serpent, though he must be getting
bn in years now. What become of the
two old people that were born at the same
moment, and died within ten minutes of
each other, at the advanced age of 104?
Amt they dying this season.
"Not that I've heard of, - reioined the
exchange editor, pruning down a long
article on a boy who was cut in half
leugthwise by a steam grindstone, and
whose recovery was confidently antici.
pated by the eminent local physicians.
81 hope they haven't quit the bust
ness?' observed the one-eyed man, with
anxiety. GIVE kind o. warmed up to
those old chumps. There was something
unanimous about 'em that caught me,
and l count on getting up to 'em regu-
larly if | am going to keep my health.
Maybe the backward season has been
against 'em. What's the news about the
skeleton found in the tree with bag Of
money tied to his spine? Let's see, he s
a spring product, isn't t hep
mo, fall, replied the editor, glanc-
ing over a report of man who had Just
been relieved of a live lizard that had
fed on his kidneys for forty years.
''He'll come around about the Sd of Oc-
tober."
"Just so, Just so. was misled on
him. He's an old friend of mine, seems
like one of the family; and if they should
90 over his season without finding him,
appears rs though should commence to
pine. Is there anything new this spring;
any servant girls making Greek poetry
in their sleep, any live frogs found con-
cealed in a Philadelphia brick. and
springing eight feet in the air after an
imprisonment of 18, ,OOOyears? Anything
of that sort9'
Nothing sighed the exchange edi-
tor, putting sub-heads into an account
of a whale climbing to the top of Abse-
com lighthouse to borrow a match.
Nothing fresh, except this one about
the payment of q church mortgage out
in Wisconsin, but that won't be popu-
lar
Il suppose not; l suppose not, muir
INJURED the one-eyed man. "Well, Il
much obliged So long! tt warns me
up to see the old ones come around. A
man of my age would miss EN- if they
let mp, and began to be a little tickle
ish about the serpent and the skeleton.
until you explained the dates"
And as he went out, the exchange
editor turned over an article on an old
woman of ninety, who was cutting her
eighth set of false teeth and fourth head
of hair. -BrO05iy1a Eagle.