Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-07-05
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.
MAY 81, 1882.
Nothing to speak of-0.

that milk-pitcher is generally a good
fy-catcher?
MUMMIEs are the only well-behaved
persons who are now lett in Egypt
NeaO Orleans Pic0yotae.
BEEF is so high that some young men
can't afford calves to their legs.-New
York Commercial advertiser.
'I AM a broken man," said poet.
"Well," said his friend, CT inferred that
from your pieces.
On account of it's melting 80 quickly,
the Picayune thinks that pounded ice is
not what it is cracked up to be.
The average schoolboy does not re-
semble Presidents-he never bankers
after third term.-Det. Chaf.
YOUNG women often keep their lovers
by tears. "Yes, "says Grumwig, Glove
like beef, is preserved by brine"
"TH1s is the rock ages" said tired
father who had kept the cradle going
two hours and the baby still awake.
A DIAMOND in the ruff is seen most
frequently on the shirt front of a negro
minstrel.-NeaO Orleans Pic0ya1ne.
"THERE is no tyranny in America"
an Englishmen writes home to his
friends. He evidently hasn't got hired
girl yet.
The Boston Transcript says that when
a man has twins born to him it is quite
natural that he should feel like raising
the deuce.
MY son, you ask who or what a no
body is. Well, my dear young man,
nobody is a prominent woman's husband.
Oil City Der.
ST.. LOUIS is running short of water,
and citizens are economizing in every
way so the bar-keepers will have enough
to wash the tumblers with.
A PARLoR and bedroom for man
and his wife sixteen feet square are ad-
vertised. Some wife that.-Syrocuse
Times.
In the mellifuous German language
there is word called "Sterbesacramen-
tenutensilienkasten." The police of
Berlin use it to slug strangers with.
HAPPY is the father whose children are
SO young that he can delude them into
the belief that the procession is all there
is of the circus.-Bufalo Exchange.
GINA, will my little brother always be
younger than l amp" Eyes, darling"
"That'n be nice" Why, 1ovey?"
because, then [ can always lick him!"
JOSH BILLINGS remarks in his philoso-
phizings, GA reputation once broken
may possibly be repaired, but the world
will allwuss keep their eyes on the spot
where the break wus."
GIVE go in for the old fag," remnrked
the property owner who was ordered to
lay new sidewalk along the front of his
lot. His patriotism did not same him.
NeaO York Advertiser.
The street-car drivers and conductors
are talking of holding a convention, with
the object of advancing their interests.
There is no doubt that the members are
sure to stand on the platform.
deLaohiG Bulletin.
DoN'T ask the man whose cold
wound hurts him every time the wind
changes, to let you look at his honorable
discharge. Don't you know the confed-
crates took it away from him when he
was in Libby prison.
"STUDENT wants to know what
kind of bird was the dodo?" From
the fact that the species is entirely ex-
tinct, we suppose it was the tabled spring
chicken, Of which we still hear so often
and see SO never.-Ec.
The editor of the London World wants
a lady to adopt certain cut and color of
dress and ever after stick to it. Wesus-
pect the editor of the world is still stick
ing to the shape of hat and cut of coat
he adopted twenty years ago.-Norr6s-
toa0n Herald.
REPORTS of trouble with lightning-rod
H. Lo
remembered that after the death of Jesse
James the announcement was made that
the other members of the band would
abandon train-robbing and engage in
some more legitimate business. If it is
found that they have broken this pledge
and are selling lightning rods no mercy
should be shown. Chicago Tribune.
They were speaking of cranial defor-
mites down at the corner grocery last
evening. "I hold" said a young man.
that man with big head is just as apt
to be a burned fool as a man with a
small head" 'tTrue," replied an elder
1y man who was holding down the cover
of the sugar barrel, "but he generally
knows it and don't give himself away"
The young man ordered small bottle of
birch beer.-Nea0 Haven Register.
A COMMERCIAL traveller, who is some
thing of wag, thus relates his exper-
fence: He and his companion were the
sole occupants of the smoking car. They
tried to converse, but the road was SO
rough they were pitched from side to
like ships passengers. At last they were
able to make each other understood.
One said, "Dan, the old thing is run
ming smoother" Towhich Dan replies,
"Yes, guess she has got off the track"
"WHAT's that you're playing?" said
New Haven man to his daughter, who
was pounding at the piano keyboard with
more noise than skill. cit is Wagner
ian, pa; that's the music of the future"
"Oh, it is, is it? Let it be long time
in the future before hear any more of
it. Play me Comm Through the
Rye" s'Oh, pa, amt yon horrid; al
ways thinking about something to
drink" Honors are easy in that family.