Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-11
NEWSPAPER WIZ.

Noticed is that the lucky farmer feels his
oats and is happy. Kansas City Journal.
There's this to be said in favor of Adam
and Eve: There's no evidence that they
lied about the size of the snake. Il Boston
Post.
In few months the coal dealer will get
even with the butcher, and thus make both
ends meat. -[New York Commercial Ad-
vertiser.
One of Chicsgc's heaviest men is Letter.
de Is going to build four-million dollar
hotel, which will make him lighter still.
Lowell Courier.
Mashed Washer: Do we consider red
hair handsome? Well, we Just do, when
there's red. headed woman round. It's
safer.-L Boston Post.
A young man Of Chattanooga was re.
Gently struck and killed by croquet NAL.
let. He must have been playing with his
sister, Philadelphia News.
The bold Arab Bey looking out on the fight
Remarked to himself, "This Is Hades
II they keep this thing up all the time until night,
Ihey'H certainly brighten the ladies ~
-tCourier Journal.
A Delaware man in Philadelphia yester-
day was so closely questioned that at last
he confessed, with tears in his eyes, that
there would be c big peach crop.-[P hila.
delphia News
Mary Anderson has been sailing in her
new yacht. She is very handsome, de.
cidedly fast, has all the modern improve.
ments and plenty of room on deck. Phila-
delphia News.
Poor Annie Louise Cary. After con.
quering the musical world, and having all
mankind at her feet, she at last settles
down as the wife of democrat. -fPhila.
delphia News.
Eccentric" said the West End man,
why, my wife's the most eccentric wo.
man in America. She'll even drive a nail
without bursting tophet out Of her thumb"
boston Post.
A woman's journal warns its fair readers
never to sleep IN the broad glare of the
moonlight. Considering the weather, this
advice Is timely. There is q man in the
nj Philadelphia Newa
An American girl is disgusted with Bern.
hardt. She saw her play not long ago, and
says that the shameless Sarah brazenly
wore the very same dress she had on in
America. / Philadelphia News.
a rural chap who visited "summer
garden in New York looked in vain for q
trace OF shrubbery or tree, and asked his
companion if they had got into q prison
yard by mis.ake.-[ Norristown Herald.
The Ceatury's story about man in Geor.
gia who could yell so AS to be heard five
miles, will hardly be credited by those who
have tried TO make horse car driver hear
at distance of four rods. Il Boston Post.
"Do you believe in signs ?" asked the
shop.keeper. "Well, l used to-" said
Fogg, ''but since you placed in the win.
dow Selling for less than cost, have
weakened considerably. ~ Boston Tran.
script.
The Boston Pos: intimates that Jumbo
was recently attacked by Jersey mos.
quito, but fails to say word about the
result of the conflict. However, there
could be but one result. Poor jumbo
philadelphia News.
Chicago has yet been unvisited by tie
sort Of tornadoes which have devastated
other portions of the adjacent country.
When Chicago wants to raise the wind,
she has to do 1t on a mortgage to Eastern
capitalists Il Lowell Citizen.
James Fogarty, of Chicago, tried to eat
three quarts Of peanuts in twenty minutes
on a bet of So, and il took a surgeon
whole hour to get the shucks on. of his
throat man makes big mistake when
he thinks he's Jumbo. Il Smartsyille Jour.
nal.
II didn't order that whisk broom, ="
growied q man in a Nassau-street restau.
rant, pointing to a plate the waiter just
brought. Why, that is not broom,
cir !" What is it then ?" demanded the
guest 'Asparergrass, was the reply
New York Commercial Advertiser.
The transit of VEINS is going to OCCUR
next December; but il yoc want to take
little prelude as sort of preparation, 90
and sit on the pie- md watch "Venus
rising from the sea in blue flannel bath.
ing suit, with histtous shade hat strapped
down over her ars.-[ New Haven Register.
Yes" said the farmer, we've got the
smallpox at our house. But don't let it be
known. You see my city cousins'lI be
tumbling in OF me III few days. I shall
be glad to see 'em and tell 'em to stay for
ever. But won't it be fun to see EN- scat.
ter when they get onto the factz."-[ Bos.
ton Post.
One of the brawniest Irish comedians
was discussing the artillery duel at Alex
H1OiiS WIN cnS VI iHe uasllSSE OF our lnls
ported English juveniles. The Irishmsn
was terribly in earnest, and finally he
roared 4" tell you, sor, English diffakilty
is Irish opportyoonity |" 81 believe you.
my boy-to enlist I'm. Y. Mirror.
A Constantinsple dispatch says that
considerable surprise is expressed that
General Wallace, the American Minister.
has again been summoned to the palace.
General Wallace attends the palace daily.
General Wallace has also frequent in.
terviews with Lord Dufferin." The gen.
tleman in charge of the cable evidently
does not understand that three people can
play poker just as well as -[Chicago
Tribune.
Jim Webster, an Austin colored voter.
returned a few days ago, after an absence
of a week In the country. After he got
back he was asking Uncle Nose how his
negro acquaintance were coming on, and
among others what Tom Knott, who was
celebrated for his lack of sociability and
stiffness, was doing, Didn't yer meet a
funeral as yer was comm into town.
Yes, l did, Uncle Nose" Dem was
Tom Kuott's obsequious, dey was 81
mout had guessed bit. Dat aint de fust
time he has passed me on de street widou.
lettin' on dat he knowed me. "-[Texss
Siftings.