davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
How to Detect Classical Music.

| can give you a simple rule by which
the most ignorant may know whether
any given piece of music should or
should not be admired. If you know
at once what it is all about if it seems
to be saying 3, 3, hop, hop, hop, or
|, ,, 3, bang, bang, bang, You may
conclude ut once that yOu are listening
to something of a very low order,
which it is your duty to despise.
But when you hear something that
sounds as if an assorted lot of notes
had been put into Il barrel, and were
being persistently stirred up, like a
kind of harmonious Cruel, you may
know it's fugue, and may safely as
sumo an expression of profound inter
est. If the notes appear to have been
dropped by accident, and are being
flashed up at irregular intervals in Il
sort of placid or drowned condition, it
is likely to be nOcturne, and noe
turnes, you know, are quite too utter
ly lovely for anything.
If the notes seem to come in car
loads, each load of a different kind
than the last, and if the train seems to
be an unreasonably long time in pas
sing any given point, it will turn out
most likely to he a symphony; and
symphonies are just the grandest
things that ever were. If the notes
appear to be dumped out in masses
and shoveled vigorously into heaps
and then blown wildly into the air 10y
explosions of dynamite, that's rhap-
sody ; and rhapsodies are among tn,
latest things i'll music George Kyle
in Quiz.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04

England ?"
"Oh no my home is in Nebraska"
''Indeed ~ she exclaimed. Then
looking vacantly at him, added, "But
you take your meals here, don't you ~
The young fellow, of course, was
angered, and with half-sneer replied,
"Oh no, l bring my dinners with me"
and turned away. The young woman
looked surprised, then woke up sufti-
ciently to realize what silly question
she had asked, flushed and retreated
to another part of the room.
Another girl belonging to the same
class was once talking to an old gen
tleman, who remarked, in speaking of
a very ancient homestead belonging to
his family, "My ancestors were among
the earliest settlers of this state, a fact
in which | take little pride"
''Indeed - exclaimed the girl. "Were
they here when Columbus landed p
"HOwP Do | understand you No,
madam, they were not | sprang from
white men, and from an ancestry of
which You cannot boast :" shouted the
irate old gentleman, feeling sure she
was making fun of him.
These girls were neither foolish nor
ignorant. Both were bright and intel
lgent but while pretending to con-
verse with gentlemen who were cOurte-
ous to them, their discourteOus eyes
and thoughts were fixed on other OBJ
.jects, and they deserved the mOrtitica-
tion they received.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
How Many Toes Has n Cat!

This was one of the questions asked
a certain class in school No. 3 during
examination week, and as simple as
the question appeared to be, none
could answer it. In the emergency the
principal, Mr.. Brands, was applied to
for a solution, and he also, with good
natured smile, gave it up, when one of
the teachers, determined not to he
beaten by so simple a question, hit on
the idea of sending out delegation of
boys to scour the neighborhood for II
cat. When this idea was announced,
the whole class wanted to join in the
hunt. Several boys went out and hav-
ing been successful soon returned with
Thomas. A returning board was at
once appointed and the toes counted,
when to the relief of all it was learned
that eat possesses eighteen toes, ten
on the front feet and eight on the hind
feet. The board of education should
feel proud at having in their employ
so determined and practical teacher.
After the question was solved, Thomas
was allowed to depart, much to his sat
isfaction.- Patterson Press.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
ThOughtIess Rudeness.

In conversation some persons have
the habit of talking one thing while
they are thinking of another. Ridicu-
lous blunders sometimes follow such
thoughtless discourtesy. Not long
since at an evening party, a college
student was cOnversing with a young
woman, and in gentIemanly good
ture was trying to entertain her. She
asked questions and answered those
asked of her but her eyes and her
mind were rowing over the company in
a dreamy sort of way. At length she
fixed her attention upon her cOmpan-
ion long enough to ask him, "Do you
live in Massachusetts, 2"
NO" he replied.
''But you live somewhere in New
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
GleaIiingS.

A factory for the production of glass
shingles is to he built at Pittsburg,
Penn.
The Postmaster General does not
approve the suggestion of a Sunday
mail delivery.
1t used to be considered wonderful
thing to engrave the Lords Prayer ON
ii three-cent piece. At the last meet
ing of the San Francisco Microscopical
Society the president exhibited an en-
craving upon glass plate of the
Lords Prayer so minutely executed
that on the same scale nine copies of
the entire Bible could he produced
within the space of a square inch.
The heaviest brain ever weighed in
this country was taken from the skull
of james Madden, who died in Lead
vile on July &. Its weight was 624
ounces. Cuvier's brain weighed 644
ounces - considerably surprising all
other brains on record the brains
of Napoleon, Agassiz and Webster,
though phenomenally heavy, were
much lighter than Maddem's. 1t is an
interesting circumstance that Madden
was not a naturalist, a soldier or a
statesman, but Il gambler.
A cattle company in Texas are build
ing a wire fence 300 miles long to in
close their entire property. This is be-
lieved to he the longest fence in the
world.
Troy has lately shipped church bells
to CeylOn, to Central Africa, Central
America, Arizona, and Indian Terrific
ry.
One day lately as John F. Morrill, OF
Stanstead was at work on the scaffolC
of his barn, he received an injury
which is very severe and may prov,
fatal. He stepped upon the end of {
short piece of board, lying out over {
beam, which flew up AID hit him il
the forehead the blow staggered hin
and he fell backw ward through the scaf.
fold upon Il pile of joists, breaking hi
| hip and crushing i'll several ribs. Al
he is an old man and somewhat broker
in health, the accident will prove very
| serious.
A CharlestOwn IS. C.) woman died /;
few days since under the effects o
chloroform administered as an ana-s
thetic. Mrs. LOughtOn Reid was un
dergoing surgical treatment at tn,
hands of DIR. X. A. kinlOck, who wa
accompanied by two other physicians
but his patient objected to the presenc
of any man but himself He accord
ingly administered the chlOrOfOrm il
the presence of two female nurses ant
then called in the other physicians
One of them Immediately took the pa
tents pulse and observed her low con
dition. Every effort was made to re
vive her, but death speedily ensued
The South Carolina medical society or
dered an investigation and found tina
! ..the death of Mrs. Reid from chIoro
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
improvements i'm the Postal
Service.

The most interesting and popular
postal measure yet passed by the House
is that which authorizes the issue of
mOney-orders up to 800 each, and the
issue of ''postal notes.-the term is
oflicial-payable to the bearer. These
postal notes will be issued for sums
under s. each, they will cost three
cents each, they are to be for sale and
redeemable at all money-order offices,
they can be renewed Indefinitely by
any holder paying three cents more,
and the cost of issuing such notes is to
be payable partly from the regular
fees, partly from the surplus of the
money order business. This arrange
ment is excellent, as it will enable the
people to transmit small sums of money
to friends or traders at nominal eX-
pense, in the most convenient manner,
and without irksOme fOrmalities. The
postal notes ale to be handsome in ap-
pearance and, perhaps, if they be as
popular as is expected, they will be for
sale and redeemable in all pOstOt1ices /;
but for the present they are to be con-
fined to the money-Order offices. The
rates for money orders have been made
to range between eight cents for an
order not exceeding $40 and forty five
cents for 800, an amendment making
four simple classes of these orders have
been voted down. Nor is forty-five
cents too much for an order of 800 OF
above $50. One of the minor clauses
of the bill provides that the clerks is
suing or paying the money orders and
notes shall have a slight commission
instead of salary, the evident object
of this arrangement being to make the
service self-suppOrting.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
A Boys Honesty Demonstrated.

A Detroit lawyer took in a new boy
the other day, and as he had suffered
to some extent from the depredatiOns
of the former one, he decided to try
the new lads honesty at once. He
therefore placed SI5 in bills under a
weight upon his desk and walked out
without IA word. Upon his return half
an hour later, the bills were gone and
75 cents in silver had taken their place.
"Boy when | stepped out to get a
draft on London | left Sl5 under this
weight ~
eyes, sir"
''And now | find only seventy five
cents ~
eyes, sir, but you see you hadn't
been gone five minutes when IA man
came in with bill against you of
Sl4.25, and | paid it. ! guess the
change is correct"
"You-you paid a bill ~
eyes, sir-there it is, all receipted.
The man said it had slipped your mind
for the last four years, and so"
He didn't get any further before he
was rushed for the stairs, and he isn't
in the law business any more De
trOit Free Press.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
Adjusting Prices.

In the anti-bellum days, New York
state grocer raised the price of Ger
tain grade of tea, from ''three shillings''
to forty five cents, and an old farmer
who came in with barrel of cider
vinegar to sell, could hardly credit his
senses, when told that his favOritc
brand of tea had advanced several
cents per pound.
''What on airth is the reason for this
sudden raise ?" he inquired.
Scarcity of tea chests,n was the brief
answer.
"Well, do you want my vinegar n
GLOW much ?'
eight cents a gallon"
81 only paid yOu seven for the last .
ayes but cider has riz, You see"
"What has brought cider up ?" asked
the astOnished grocer.
Scarcity of bung-hole plugs" was
the quiet but serious reply.
They looked at each other without
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
Something Curious Happened.

A boy 10 years old pulling a heavy
cart loaded with pieces of boards and
lath taken from some demolished
structure-an every day sight in all
our cities. Tired and exhausted he
halted under shade tree. His feet
were bruised and sore, his clothes in
rags, his face pinched and looking
years older than it should. What must
be the thoughts of such child as he
looks out upon the world-the fine
houses, the rich dresses, the rolling
carriages happy faces of those
who have never known what it was Ia
be poor. Does it harden the heart and
make it wicked, or does it bring IA feel
ing of loneliness and wretchedness-a
wondering if the rich mans Heaven is
not so far from the poor mans Heaven
that he will neve- catch sight of theiI
pinched faces
The boy lay down on the grass, and
in five minutes was sound asleep. His
bare feet just touched the curbstOne
and the old hat fell from his head anC
rolled to the walk. In the shadow O
the tree his face told story that every
passer-by could read. 1t told of scan
ty food, of nights when the body shiv.
cred with cold, of home without sun,
shine, of young life confronted by
mocking shadows.
Then something curious happened
A laboring mana queer old man Will
woOdsaw on his arm--crossed til,
street to rest for a moment beneath tn,
same shade. He glanced at the boy
and turned away. but his look wa
drawn again, and now he saw the pic
ture and read the story. He, too, wa
poor. He, too, knew what it was t.
shiver and hunger. He tip-tOed alOn;
until he could bend over the boy, an,
then he took from his pocket piece O
bread and meat-the dinner he was T.
eat if he found wOrk-and laid it dow
beside the lad Then he walked care
fully away, looking back every mo
ment, but Fastening out of sight as
he wanted to escape thanks. Men
women and children had seen it all
and what a lever it was The huma
heart is ever kind and generous, bu
sometimes there is need of a key t
open it. A man walked down from hi
steps and left half-dollar beside th
poor mans bread. A woman wake
down and left a good hat in place q
the old one. A child came with a pal
of shoes and boy brought coat an
vest. Pedestrians halted and whisper
ed and dropped dimes and quarter
beside the first silver piece.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04

Something curious had happened.
The charity of poor old man had I'M
locked the hearts of score of people.
Then something strange occurred. The
pinched face suddenly awoke, and
sprang up as if it were crime to sleep
there He saw the bread-the cloth
ing-the money-the score of people
waiting around to see what he would
do. He knew that he had slept, and
he realized that all those things had
come to him as he dreamed. Then
what did he doP Why, he sat down
and covered his face with his hands
and sobbed like grieved child. They
had read him sermon greater than all
the sermons of the churches. They
had set his heart to swelling and jump
ing until it choked him. Poor, ragged
and wretched, and feeling that he was
no more to the world than a stick or a
stone-he had awakened to find that
the world regarded him as a human
being worthy of aid and entitled to
pity NJ. Quad.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
Can't Speak Away from Home.

Mr.. Frederick Rausch, wealthy
farmer of NewcOmerstOwn, o., has il
son ID years old who has an impedi-
ment in his speech which is one of the
most strange and remarkable ever re-
corded. He can talk intelligently to
members of the family in his fathers
house, but the very moment he steps
across the parental threshold his vocal
organs become pOwerless, and he is
unable to utter word among stran-
gers. He is bright, intelligentlook
ing lad, and can hear every word in a
conversation, but, when asked ques-
ton, or addressed on any subject, it is
an impossiblity for him to answer a
word. This singular impediment in
his speech has affected him from child
hood, and the physicians attribute it to
Il spasmodic contraction of the muscles.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
PATENTS.
r. H . f. d d Y


No. 76 State Street, opposite Kilby Street Boston
Secures patents in the United States also in
Great Britain France and other foreign countries
Copies of the claims of any Patent furnished by
remittng dollar. Assignments recorded at
Washington. No agency IN the United States pos
superior facilities for obtaining Patents
acertdining the patentabitty Of inUentions. K. Ii.
EDDY, Solicitor of Patents.
IAONIALs.
Il regard Mr. Eddy as one of the most successful
and capable practitioners with whom l have had
official intercourse CHAS. MASON
Commissioner of Patents.
Inventors cannot employ person more trust
worthy or more capable of securing for them an
early and favorable consideration at the Patent Of
ice."-EDMUND BURKE, late Commissioner of
Patents
Boston, October 19, 1876.
Il. II. EDDY Esq-Dear Sir you procured for
me, in lsIO, my first patent Since then you have
acted for and advised me in hundreds of cases and
procured many patents, reissues and extensions
l have occasionally employed the best agencies in
New York, Philadelphia and Washington, but
still give yOn almost the whole of my business in
yOuT line and advise others to employ you.
Yours truly, GEORGE DRAPER.
Boston. Jan. !, lss2-lY
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04

almost incredible as the statement may
appear, even the clowns are extremely
The leader of these, Mr..
Whimsical Walker, may confidently be
recommended to benefit dyspeptic and
misanthropic persons by his original
pantOmimic description of a fisherman
who goes in swimming, and the fits
which attack him, unless he is prompt
lY snpplied with brandy.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
st. Johnsbury & Lake ChampIain Railroad.
July 12, 1882.
st. Johnsbury Post Office.

Commencing June 70, the mails will close at the
Post Office A. follows:
Passumpsic r X. Way Mail South, so a. M.
No. DAnville, $50 a. III.
st. j. a l.. c. X. r Way Mail. East $50 a m.
Boston, n. Y. and Central VT. X. X. Mail,
New York Express $50 a m.
st. j & l.. e. K. r. Way Mail, West, 230 p. III.
Montpelier & W. River r. r Way Mail 230 p. IN.
Passumpsic r. X. Way Mail North, 400 p. IN.
West Concord and st. JOhnsbury East, 4OO p IN.
Waterford, W. Wat'f'd and L. Wat'fd, 400 p. IN.
Boston New York Conn K. Val Mail, 200 y. IN.
Central Vermont X. Way Mail, 500 p IN.
Mail 20 90 south on the New York Express, clos
ing at $50 a. IN, must be brought to the Post
Office Collections will be made from the mail boxes
in season for the first mail south in the morning,
and at p. m. Collections will also be made from
the mail box at corner of Railroad Street and
Eastern Avenue at 9 a IN. and Z 80 p IN.
CHAS. r. CARPENTER, I'd, =. NJ.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04

winking, and then tea dropped back
to thirty-eight and cider to seven cents.
Wall Street News.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
M. j. CALDBECK,
Contractor and Builder,
Summerville, st. Johnsbury, Vt.

Keeps constantly ON hand, building material of
all kinds, including Shingles Lath and Clapboards.
WANTED Is or ~ good wood wOrkmen.
tlOAugs2
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
JUMBO!
JUMBO, JUMBO,

Means big thing for a little
money. The same will be
found true in relation to a
thousand and one articles ia
my line of Dry and Fancy
Goods to be closed out to
make room for Fall Stock.
Forward your tickets and be
hoN1Ny
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
ST. cyuhnsburp Galedunian.
9. NJ. STONE IL Co,
ADVANCE TERMS OF THE cALFDoxAS:
PUBLISHERS

Opposite the Athenssum, St. Johnsbury, VT.
Morning journal and courier., 1882-03-03

CASH CAPITAL, S2OO,OOO.
 Chas. Peterson, Thos k. Trowbridge, J. A. Bishop Danl Trowbridge A. O. Wilcox, Chas S. Leete J. M. Mason Jas. D. Dewell, Cornelius Pierpont CHAS. PETERSON, President CHARLES s. LEETE, Vice President. H. MASON Secretary.
 GEO. F NETTTETON, Asst Secy. iy1 eodRtf
Morning journal and courier., 1882-03-03
LABORIUUS.

| Somebody has figured out that Wander | bilt's income would allow him to, in one day, | visit g, 900 circuses, eat 10, 900 pints of pea
 nuts, and drink 5000 glasses of lemonade The attempt to revive dresses cut low in the neck for ball costumes has been failure. When anything gets so low az they were 1t is extremely difficult to revive it.-LolceH Cfti- zen.
 A little boy accosted. his papa thus: ''Pa- pa, are you growing still p 'tNo, dear ; what makes you think so ?'' Because the top of your head is coming through your l hair" The poor man is getting bald.
 A United States legislator is actively advo. eating bill requiring the name of the phy- | sician who attended the deceased to be en- graved on the tombstone The consterna- ton this causes in medical circles may be inn agined.
 Why don't go to work? Would you have me imperil my life, sir No, sir; you can't
 have seen the statistics. Reads Ut is | estimated that one hundred thou. sand persons are annually killed in 1 England from causes directly resulting from industrial occupations. ."-LOuisrtlle Cou7Tea- Journal.
 Rev. Arthur Anniceseed, of Utica, is a disciple of Wilde, and pronounced by his | lady parishioI CTS a very zephyr of poetic 1 piety. His preaching is very delicate. Last l Sunday he read portion of sacred writ de- 1 tailing rehearsal of Jonah's submarine ad- ventures. We come now to Jonah" said
 Arthur, "who passed three days and three nights in the whales s-ahem-society. ."- | HdteTt01on Times.
 A New Hampshire girl went into Boston general furnishing store and stepping up to the pale, intellectuallookingy young man be- hind the nearest counter, asked him If he ! would be kind enough to fit her with a pair of gloves. The high-browed Athenian glanced at her hands and then calling to cash boy who was compounding spit balls at the oppo- site counter, said: Here, Pete, show this young lady to the pillow-case department. y" Brooklyn Eagle.
 At the supper table, the other evening, Pingrey suddenly propounded the following ::
 why is preaching like lying?" The ladies were all shocked at such horrid association
 of ideas, but at last one of them ventured the guess that 1t was because preaching seldom paid. All the male bearders declared that
 couldn't be it Brown thought it might be
 because preaching was sometimes simply story telling Fogg guessed it was because
 it was so common. Pingrey shook his head
 at each reply, and when all had given it up,
 said it was because preaching is queer vo-
 cation. Nobody laughed but Pingrey, and
 his joy was soon turned to sadness, fof he
 had to explain his conundrum before anyone
 tumbled to the atrocious pun.-Boston Tran
 ScTipt.
Morning journal and courier., 1882-03-03
Established I845,

YgSHE subscriber returns thanks for the liberal pat
 E ronage bestowed on him for the past thirty five years while engaged in the Trunk Harness and Sad inform the public that about March 1st he will open with full stock of the class of goods at 9S ORANGE STREET, where he hopes by strict atten- ton to business to secure share of their patronage
Morning journal and courier., 1882-03-03


 The Mobile Register says, doubtless truly, that peaceful secession would not be accept ed by the South today if the choice were of- fered.
 Representative Young's bill (which is now pending before the Committee on Ways and Means) to tax and regulate the manufacture ! and sale of glucose has naturally caused con- siderable alarm among the manufacturers of 1 that profitable article. The committee is in daily receipt of telegrams and letters from manufacturers of glucose in various parts of the country, protesting against the passage of the bill, and requesting an opportunity to be I heard. In accordance with these numerous requests the committee has appointed Wednesday next for the hearing. In arecent letter to the committee Commissioner Raum earnestly recommended the passage of the bill in question, we'll similar bills in tended to protect the public against the dele | terioug influences of imitation native wines and oleomargerine
 Wolves and moles are doing serious dam age in some parts of France. Within two years six villages have been ravaged by wolves, and from fifteen to twenty persons have been bitten and have died mad The latest case was that of a wolf which, after attacking several persons, encountered 8 man carrying a gun, and was shot The State premiums of from six francs to eighteen francs for the destruction of wolves are con- plained of as inadequate, yet a bill now pend- ing proposes to abolish them altogether, under the idea that they prevent the extirpa- tion of the animals. As to the moles, their depredations in the Aisne have amounted to 13, COG, 900 francs, the district of St. Quentin alone having suffered to the extent of 6, ,OOO,- 900 francs. Some advocate as the remedy 6 relaxation of the restrictions on the sale of arsenic, but partridges, small birds and fowls have already fallen victims to poisoned wheat intended for moles. One proposal is to scatter straw at certain spots in orchards to attract the moles to burrow under it, which it is found they do, and then to place poisoned baits there.