The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-03-01

One of peculiarities of the United
State style OF feeding the noble red
man is the fact that he Is gwen
government rations, and at the
same time appropriations are made
which are supposed to maintain him.
Sometimes a wild Indian, who
don't know much about groceries
and how to prepare them for food,
comes in and draws his regular SOL
der rations in this way. For in
stance, in the Sitting Bull country
short time ago, an Indian came in
from the war path who has never
seen any of the pale face style of
food, and drew his rations.
He made a light meal on un-
ground coffee and as he over-rate and
the coffee swelled on him, he had
difficulty in buttoning his pants
around the pain he had on hand.
He felt very unhappy for a day or
two but laid it to the fact that he
hadn't exercised much, and the con-
Isequent ennui and indigestion there
from.
As soon as he succeeded in get
ting the interior department. quieted
down q little he tackled his rations
OF candles. These he decided to
parboil in order to avoid any trou-
bic from indigestion The dish
was not so much OF a giittelng sue
cess as he had anticipated, and rs
he remorsefully picked the candle
wicking out OF his teeth with tent
pin, he made some remark that
grated harshly on the asthetic ears
of those who stood near.
He then tried meal of yeast
powder and vinegar. He ate the
yeast powder and then took pint
of extremely potent vinegar to wash
it down.
At first there was feeling OF glad
surprise in his stomach, which ra-
pidly gave place to unayailing re-
morse.
A can of yeast powder in an In
dams midst don't seem to be pre-
pared for pint Of vinegar, and the
result OF such an unfortunate cir
cumstance was not gratifying.
Every little while look of pain
would pass over the feature of the
noble child of the forest, and then
be would jump about seventeen feet
and try to kick a cloud out of the
sky. Then he would sit down and
think over his past life. 1t took
about week for him to get back to
where he dared to get up another
meal for himself. Then he frieassed
a couple of pounds of laundry soap
and ate that.
Soap is all right for external pur-
poses or treating a pair of soiled
socks, but does not assimilate with
the gastric juice redily, and those
who tried laundry soap as relish
do not seem to think that it will
ever arrive at any degree of promi-
nence as an article of diet.
That is why this untutored child
of nature swore. He had never re-
ceived the benefits of early training
in profanity, and his language, there
fore, was disconnected and ramb-
ling but when we consider that he
is ignorant of our language, and
that every little while he had to
stop and hold on to his digesuer
with his hands and dig great holes
in the earth with his toes, the re-
marks didn't seem altogether out of
place or irrelevant.
The earnest and occupied look,
the troubled oppression of the coun-
tenance, followed by the quick ner-
vous twitehing of the muscles Of the
face, and then swelling up and
bursting Of the suspender button,
the deep drawn sigh and the smoth-
ering cuss word. all betoken the gas
trio agitation going on within.
This is why an Indian prefers
link of bologna sausage and 3
year-old dog to the high priced
groceries so common to our modern
civilization.