The true northerner., 1882-10-06
HUMOR.

AN honest man is the noblest pursuit
of woman.
WHEN is a woman not q woman?
When a little cross.
IF you want to find out how great
man is, let him tell it himself.
CANDY pulls are in fashion, but they
are now called GLUCOSE tentions."
A NUMBER of stock spectators in
New York are making bear living.
Tom THUMB is said to own yacht.
We suppose she is sailed by Thumbs
crew.--BOstOn Bulletin.
BE of! be on thou dunning bird,
And still forever keep;
/ prithee not present thy bill
would return to sleep
AFFEKTAsHUN allwuss shows a mans
weak points, for what man effeks to
have he haz generally got the least ov.
Josh Billings.
WHEN man kums to me for advice, I
find out the kind of advice he wants,
and Civ it to him; this satisfys him
that he and are two az smart men az
thare is hving.-Josh Billings:
The Lord puts good-sized ears on
dogs; man cuts them off.-Puck. Quite
true, little one; and the longer mans
ears are the more he thinks he can inn
prove upon the Lords work.-FdU
RiUer Adudnce.
A New YORK man says he keeps
chops and steaks for several days in the
hottest weather by burying them in
meal. Meal is good thing in any
weather for steaks and chops. We
more particularly refer just now to the
morning meal.-Danblt'y Neacs.
The ruling passion strong in death:
"John," feebly moaned a society lady,
who was about shuffling off this mortal
coil; John, if the newspapers say any
thing about my debut into another
world, just send me dozen marked
copies" = Ne,0 York Commercial
Advertiser.
a PUT secret kiss under the post
age-stamp for my darling" wrote Gin
cinnati man to his girl. She deity
removed the stamp by steam, but found
no kiss, only some remnants OF plug to-
bacco and strong odor of beer. They
are not married yet, and not likely to
be.-Philadelphia NeWs.
"I FEEL as if 1 had thousand pounds
weight of responsibility on me" re-
marked a San Antonio delegate to the
Democratic Convention. Il feel the
same way responded brother dele
gate, "but keep your mouth shut, or the
railroad company will charge us Tor
extra baggage. "-TccGs SJtings.
A CANDIDATE met Uncle Nose on
Austin avenue and said to him. BE
sure to come to the ward meeting to-
night and bring all your neighbors with
you" you kin jess bet dey will come
along with me. or / stay at home my
SELF. Oar wouldn't be chicken lef' in
my coop If ! was ter go to de ward
meetin' and Inf dem nabors at home. y
Terds SVtingS.
A MAN in Iowa has invented new
fastening for horse collars. 1t is lucky
that the horses collar does not fasten
to button in the back of his shirt, be-
cause if it did, Judging from human ex-
perience, when it flew off after he had
broken his thumb nail trying to crowd
it into a new button-hole, he would just
kick the stuffng out of anything he was
hitched to, even if it was freight-car.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"YoU say that you were present when
nv son was killed." said an Arkansaw
gentlemen to man who had just ar
rived from Colorado. "Yes, sir, L was
present" How did the fight occur?"
"Well, you see, your son and fellow
got into dispute, and the fellow struck
your son with quart bottle of whisky,
fracturing his skull and killing him in
stantlv." "Struck him with a bottle of
whisky. Well, since the poor boy had
to die I'm glad that he died natural
death. ."-Arka,lsalo TrdUeler.
GATHER" said a fashionable young
lady, "am L member of the church 2"
"Yes, my daughter" her father replied,
"you are a member of the church. L
initiated you by having you baptized in
infancy" "But, father" she answered,
"I have no piety, never was converted,
and 1 do not think 1 ought to be a
church h-member' "The wheat and the
tares are to grow together, our Lord
tells us in the parable, and you are
tare, 1 fear, my daughter, only tare,"
replied her father. But didn't you
say that you initiated me?" she asked.
"Yes," said he, Il initiated you in your
infancy; but why did You ask ?" Be
cause" she answered, slowly. "the
Bible says that the one who sowed the
tares was the devil" The old man
groaned, walked the floor, and made no
reply.