The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1882-07-22
Good Morning, Professor.

In this favored land the Professor is
running the Colonel a pretty close race,
and the Colonel may just as well under
stand that he has to hump himself or
he'll GET shut out at the distance pole.
Just after the close of the war the CoL
onel took such a start that the most
sanguine friends of the Professor admit
ted that he never could catch up. But
the Professor is one of the immortal few
that were not born TO die, and while the
Republic lasts he viii be on deck. Seed
time and harvest may fail, summer may
cease and the winter may not endure,
mon ming and even time may pass away,
hn; the Pro essor will be here. This is
the country for him, and while it is def
nitely settled by the last census that the
Colonel is dying out, and that there is
now but one Colonel to every thirty
seven of population, the Professor is
on the increase and holds all that he
gains
y The title is most honorable, and at
ono time it represented only the broad
est scholarship, the protoundest learn
ing. II represented long years of hard,
patient study, of men and books and
things IL meant thought, 1t meant
! brains. 1T meant wisdom. 1t meant
standing in the world of INTELLECT, y 1t
was y title hard to,win and psparingly
! bestowed Now u ssoI wv .Fa1s
A new barber comes to, town and
| opens .tonsorial ,parlors Zone room
and Two ehairs---he is Prof, Seraper.. "A
man goes around the country trading
horses and selling a cure for ring bone
| E Prof. Sbatlle. the eminent Veterinary
surgeon; because where physician who
ministers to human suffering, with all
} The learning and skill the colleges can
give him, is content and proud to be
called doctor, the travelling "hoss doc
tor is always and everywhere :" Pro-
fessor." A man hires hall and teach-
l.es people to dance Prof. Lightfoot.
He may not be ableto make out his own
bills, and spells schottishe with seven
letters, but he is Professor A circus
employe g9es up, in q balloon -Prof.
Gasbag, the'dafing aeronaut. A retired
prize lighter opens Q gymnasium and
boxing school frof lBruise, Instructor
OF physical science and muscular devel-
opment. A, man, takes his rifle and
makes thirty mine bulls eyes in the tar
get out of a possible forty at eight hun
dred yards-Prof. Globesite, all over the
country, fast as the mail and telegraph
can confer his degree. A Texas COW
boy comes north and breaks horses for
living Prof. 'foecalk A man swims
further than any other man-Professor
A man cuts, corns and cures bunions for
hving-Professor; he waltzes three
hours WITHOUT resting-Pro essor; plays
the fiddle and imparts to others the Sc
crets of the diabolical art-Professor;
walks slack rope stretched across the
street Professor; goes .thout eating
twenty days-Professor; rides four
horses bareback Professor; sings in the
choir-trofessor; teaches brass band
Professor; cures warts-ProfeSsor
plays billiards for living-Proiessor
trains dogs Professor; performs some
clever tricks of sleight of hand-Profes-
sor; does anything inTthe world except
teach, and knows less of books and
schools than he does of Heaven-Pro-
fessor. y . TfigrgVE f1rt-
( The Colonel differs widely from the
Professor in that no reason is ever as
signed for his Being. A man is simply
called - Colonel either becase he was
Lieutenant in the army or never was
ih the army, it is immaterial He is
lpSU tolonel' UpaU du. DuJ tne IfO-
lessor claims his title by reason of his
I profession, whether it be the cob
bling of shoes or training of dogs And
as occupations increase in variety so the
Professor increases in number.
There Is honor in the ihonorable old
title still, to the scholars who have
earned it well and wear it with dignity
And it, isg q shame that the title which
belongs exclusively to their world should
have its livery woiT in the circus, the
rat-pit and the stables. Let us boycott
the bogus Professor as an act of simple
justice to the Professor whom we all es-
TEEN. -BUr{iR1fOR Hn1cke0e. tr".