The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-12-28
nlanitomof pilot.
THURSDAY. DECEMBER %, 1882.
WIT AND HUEoR.


..Papa's Home Tonight is the latest
song. The and in the last words
of the title can be omitted when neces-
sary.
''Azure distemper' is the Boston
name for the ''blues." But "ultrama-
rine lycanthropy'' would be a more cor
rect term.
why is young man like kernel
OF corn?' asked a young lady. '.Be-
cause" said another, '.he turns white
when he pops"
Bright child-"I know what they call
EN- mamma. when there's three twins"
Mamma-"What, KatyP" Bright child
-''Giblets.'
The moralist says: Every man is
occasionally what he ought to be per-
petually." Then, again, some men are
perpetually what they ought to be only
occasionally.
Madame Patti keeps house with thir-
ty-five servants. Distressed American
housewives whose lives are worn out
with one viii sympathize profusely with
poor Patti.
Leigh Hunt says: THE most fasci-
naClng women are those that can most
enrich the everyday moments of exist
ence." That was Leigh's way of indi-
eating a girl worth $4,000 in her own
right.
In neighhoring Sunday-school, a
few weeks ago, the question was asked,
What has Jesus done for youp" One
little four-year-old raised her hand
''Well, what is itp' said the teacher 81
know what he's done for Bertha; he's
sent little baby brother to her house,
and it's real cunning"
''Oh, yes,n said Mrs. Brown, as she
surveyed with evident pleasure the little
parlor side-board, covered with old Chi
ma and decorated with highly-colored
tiles, ''Mr B. remarked last night that
l was becoming quite an atheist" and
the old lady's eyes rested on 16-cent
japanese teapot.
yes" said the gilded youth of bis
friend, Jack has a passion for propos-
ing to girls. Why, I've known of his
proposing to six girls in a week, not one
of whom he'd marry for farm. -
doesn't he run a terrible risk of being
accepted by somebody be doesn't
want?" mot bit. He isn't worth
dollar.'
A 3-year-old boy, who was about leav-
ing home with his mother to be absent
several months was asked by his father:
'.What would you do, my son, if !
should die while you are away?" The
little fellow burst into a torrent of tears,
and, between his sobs, said, s.Why, pa
pa, would ask God to make you over
again.
Here we are, within quarter of
mile of landr' was the joyful cry of the
captain of an ocean-steamer, to his
grumbling passengers. Where? Which
Wav is it?' Anywhere down there,''
said the captain, pointing downward;-
.'the lead gives US two hundred and
twenty fathoms of water, and the land
comes slap up against the Brine
An aged peasant learns that the vii
lage doctor, to whom he had advanced
some small sums, has just passed away,
leaving nothing but debts. There"
says he to his wife, with delighted
chuckle, s'if hadn't had the good luck
to have had that fit of infiammatory
rheumatism two months ago, where
would my money be?"
A young gentleman who was pledged
to take young lady to q party remark
ed to her, on the afternoon previous to
the event, that he was going home to
take sleep, in order to be fresh
That's right" she replied; "but do not
sleep too long ''Why?'' he asked
Because She answered, - do not
want you to be too fresh.
..Well. uncle Nose" said Reverend
Baxter, Il expect your poor wife must
be nearly worn out taking care of you
whileyou were sick. If ever there was
a woman that deserved heaven, it is
YOUR wife. She am de desarvenist wo-
man in AUSTIN YES" said Nose,
s.dat's a fac, and / has been prayin' to
de Lord to glib her what she deserves
right Off"
She heard burglar coming in the
front door. She sprang from bed, seized
the washbowl, pitcher, bootjack, and a
flatiron, and waited for the intruder
Her aim was good Picking himself up
from the floor the burglar beat hasty
retreat. Her husband limped into the
house the following morning in time fol
breakfast and assured her that he should
never again return from the lodge be-
fore midnight. His scars are indelible
though.
"Well, my little fellow, suppose you
expect to be q good and useful man
some day." said a benevolent old gentle
man as he patted the head of a young
ster. Nav, don't. I'm goin' Ter be
hard ticket. | am; dad says SO. Give
us light. Oh, you don't smoke, you
old BLIZZARD Benevolent old gentle
man drops around the corner, terribly
shocked at the wickednesS of the rising
generation.
A man is going about the streets Of
Laramie claiming to be John the Bap-
list. He has light hair and chin whisk-
ers, is stout built, and looks like farm
er. We desire (says Bill Nye) to warn
those of our readers who may be in
clined to trust him that he is not what
he purports to be. We have taken great
pains to look the matter up and find as
result of our research that John the
Baptist is dead.
Laurie's mother was teaching him to
add, and held up two fingers. He count
ed. 'Now," said she, 'here are three
more. How many does that makeP'
The little fellow did not quite under
stand. why, Laurie" said she, ..if
you had two apples, and / should give
YOU three more, what would you haVe?'
Looking up with his great, speaking
eyes, he said, ''Why, mamma, | would
have the stomach achen
'.And you love ME, Jared?" That's
about the size of it, Mary" Fortune
has not smiled upon you-you are poorP''
''Richin your love; poor only in purse. ~
''Yet all hope is not lost. Father Is
president of bank. He viii give YOU
situation" 'sThen 1 am yours, etern.
ally. We shall be married in three
months. In six months the bank will
be in the hands of a receiver. We shall
seek 8 home beyond the St Lawrence
where the old man can live with us I'M
der the name of Smith" 80, Jaredr'
20, Maryr'
do you mix anything with your can.
IipS2fs h,a aSEp1 ac ha la:1 l. = --,1,.o..