The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-04-09
Lawson.

"Who is that sad-looling man whom
saw sitting in the next room. as lcamc
through" said Mr.. Jones to the man
aging editor,
"rhat? that is Lawson, our substitute
editor
"What is a--What arc the functions
Of that kind Of an cditor?'
"Why, you know, We employ Lawson
10 shoulder disagrccabc consequences
OF all kinds. When we go for anybody
until outraged nature can no longer
stand il, the injured man calls and we
show him in and let him kick Lawson"
But | don't exactly understand
how
"Why, YOU see, the man comes hero
and asks 10 see the managing editor.
The boy at the door knows, from the
fire in his eve, what he wants, ard he
turns him into LawSon's room, There
Is brief scrimmage and about quar-
ter Of an hour later Lawson sauntcrs in
here with his handkerchief to his nose TO
say that his salary really must be raised.
He is very useful man. BY conccn-
trating all the storms on him, the rcgu.
lar staff is allowed to have perfect peace
and security. He is cowhidcd once or
twice week and knocked down even
oftcner We have the floor in there
padded on purpose 10 make il as COM
Portable as possible. He don't mind an
ordinary fogging so much. but the man
has strange Discrimination TO be shot
AT; possibly because he has three bullets
in his legs and atwo-ounce slug encystcd
somewhere in his interior department
But Lawson don't mind his ordinary
duties as much rs YOU would think. We
turn in all the borcs upon him. Hecom.
mandS large salary because he is deaf
ms o post, and bore who would set me
crazy leaves him in a condition Of I'M
ruillcd calmncss. All the poets who
come here are sent to his room. One Of
thcmll sit there and read TO Lawson a
poem in forty-two stanzas, and Lawson'll
sit there smiling blandly just as il he
heard it all, and then he'll compliment
the writer and bow him and his manu-.
script out with charming grace and ease.
He makes mistakes sometimes, 10 be
sure. The other day 4 man read him
speech which the man wanted TO pay for
inserting in the paper Lawson thought
it was i poem, and lie told the man, in
the usual formula, that he was sorry our
advertising was pressing Us 50 just now
that We couldn't oblige him, and the
man went up the street and publiShedit
in the HergR 4 dead loss 10 US Of
about forty dollars; but Lawson is too
valuable to be discharged for single
blunder like that.
whenever there's an excursion on q
dangerous part Of new railroad, or y
trial trip OF q steamboat that we are
doubtful about We always send Lawson
" represent the stall. lie has been
blown up twice on the river and has
been dropped eight times through = de-
fectiyc trcs,lc-bridgc, besides participate
ing in a couple of boicrcxplosions. We
could hardly run this Office safely if we
didn't have Lawson
"He struck me as looking rather low
spirited"
80 he is. He has naturally strong
constitution; but he is era lually break
ing down under the strain, am afraid,
aud is going TO die early. 1t weighs on
iIlS llN Ht'l u lHllIAlS IL Nv " llu
an indignant politician last summer just
after he had tested u basket Of rather
unripe cantaleupeS, and have noticed
that he has been gloomy ever since"
Just then the subduca noise Of an al
tercation was heard in the adjoining
room; there was pistol shot and a bull
let came whiz2ing through the partition,
passing close to Mr. JonesS head.
whats that?" asked Jones.
"Lawson's having tussel with Nell
vaine, the Democratic candidate for
Common Council. We cut Mcllvano
up in to-day's issue. l thought he'd
call. Boym exclaimed the editor, run
for policeman
Then the sounds died away and ten
minutes later, when Mr. Jones went out,
he saw the policeman and two other
men carrying Lawson TO the hospital on
strctchcr, whcrcupon the managing
editor said:
wen have TO let up on Mcllvaine
for a day or two till Lawson has time TO
recuperatc,"
- . -