The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1882-08-10
He Knew it All. !

r. 1 9aeE
He Knew it All. IS
He always did. No one could ever
teach him anything. The first words he
Sisped when. a baby We're 20 YES,
snow..'' The first words he will speak
EEhendeath nshers him into theP Presence
Ehers the2eternai giories are revealed
Hsli be: Yes! yes! understand He
4 newer opened his eyes with wonder.
/ he pefersasked troublesome questions.
When p boy, neither father nor mother
scoald teach him anything He would
rather any day pound his fingers than
suffer his father to tell him how TO drive
3RmaM Hecould milk 4 cow better than
the hired man; and was not in.the least
tsdiscohcerted that the udders gave not a
fdroppf milk; it was obstinate PoHy's
fault; t.never saw such, q cow.'' His
mothef in vain endeavored to teach him
s0mething about dress He wore the
1oqdest of sneckties, and, as soon as he
had liberty of purchase, the most extra
tordiuarily patterned pantaloons. and
laughed at the s.soh woman,sp notions.
His mother was always the s.old woman, y
his father always an "old fogy.''
AT last they sent him to boarding
school: The father said, hopefully:
ts School will knock some of the conceit
out of him, ,,'5r But the father either had
notr read or had not needed Solomon s
IiNisef saying: Though thou shouldst
bray fool in a mortar, among wheat
withsa pestle, yet will not his foolishness
depart from. him - Poor Solomon evil
IDENTIFY had sorrowful experience with
men that knew it all. The school was a
mortar; and the teacher and all the bows
were pestles; but not even continued
pounding did any good. The boy knew
how to hold his pen better than the
|, writing master, and how to manage his
voice better than the singing master, and
,hoWsto translate better than the Latin
teacher. and how to bat and catch better
shansthc sball-captain, and how to handle
bis knife and fork better than the moth
erly niatron, who made table habits her
special care The boys called him IRON
icalY '.the boss.a He took it as COM
plimeht, end it added an inch to his
height At the end Of d year he came
back from school with 4 bigger stock Of
assurance than he had when he went
there- His genius for conceit was
amazing; admirable. s s8s a
He went to college,. He was at first q
little taken aback that he had dozen
to work out in the summer,
vacation; and for once in his life he
really did work hard. for he was
ashamed 9 to fail d entrance But
he Attributed his conditions wholly to
theTtupidity of the professors; and after
he gdtfn he faithfully fulfilled ohe-half
OF one of Paul 8. exhortations;. he dill
egentH forgot those things that were be-
hindI Nc secret society would have
him; he assured himself and friends that
fhe1would haye no secret society. The
prayer.meeting codld not shut him out,
and he attended regularly and spoke al
ways. He fiunked with greater grace
and ease than any fellow in the class and
said / notprepared' with assmiling self
assurance as if he had made the best
recitation Of Che day. He did mot get
on the baseball nine. owing to the pre-
JUDGE of the captain, nor take an orafori- i
cal prize, though no one could deny that \
he was self-possessed on the stage. He.
ought to have been valedictorian; but he
did not even get part. He savedshis
Diploma by the skin of his teeth. and
carried himself so loftily on graduating
day that some sub freshmen, ewhp had
come up tossee how the college looked,
'ehought he must be President Of the
Faculty = sR ~ skss .s
He went into business. His father
bad some influence and got him place
as clerk m a wholesale dry goods house.
He did not know cotton, woolen and
diAeh apart, nor a ledger from journal;
but he was a graduate of --e-; Univer-
sity, and from his pinnacle of lofty emf
nence he looked down with 4 serene and
lofty ssef-compla upon the mem-
bers of the entire establishment, from the
principal to the errand boy. He came
late and went away early; and always
wore irreproachable kid gloves, and car
ried a delicate little cane. He talked Of
tour housen 50 largely in evening gath
erings that the girls supposed him to be
apartner, and even practical men, after
they had made large discounts, still esti- |
mated him at one hundred per cent more
than his real valuation. He married, OF /
course, and his wife thinks that Loyalty
to her husband requires that she should
think of him as highly as he thinks Of |
himself. She tries faithfully to be loyal,
but she Is q sensible woman, and it is
very hard work. He is now man in /
middle life. He has shifted from place
to place dozen times, and has gone
down . step or two at every shift. He |
now stands tthe ldoorof a retail store /
"a Broadway and bows the customers in.
He performs this service with such |
lovely air that country shoppers suppose
him to be the proprietor, and always adj
dress him by the name upon the sign.
He acknowledges the compliment with
q gracious smile, but in truth counts it |
no compliment at all. He assures his |
wife that if he and the head of the house
could only change places he would make |
things buzz, for he knows a thing or two
and the head Of the house is fool. But
he still wears the unreproachablc kids, /
and he walks to church on Sunday morn
ing with his wife, who has earned her
own dress by furtive services for COM
passionate uncle, with such a lordly air
that the sexton pays him as much defer
ence as though he were a millionaire.
and every Sunday afternoon puzzles his
head anew over the insoluble problem