Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1882-01-28
WEEKLY FAMILY TO POLITICS NEWS LITERATURE

cats back and himself at the same
time. 1.-THE deuceln cried he, rub
bling his red hands with his handker-
chief. 81 wish / had never seen a
woman!v
What's that, sir! you brute I"
cried Mrs. Hayes, now thoroughly
incensed-" take that" and selling
the plate of mullins she took ann at
Pills head, but, being a woman, her
aim was not so accurate as it, might
have been, and the plate went
through the window, smashing the
tile Of Fitz James Jones, who was
passing, and the mullins were
scattered in wild confusion about the
room.
Phil was indignant. He laid his
hand on the poker.
"Oh, strike!v exclaimed Fanny.
+" 1t will be in place with your other
conduct. Don't let any notions Of
honor restrain you, because you
never had any,
"Fanny, beware, you try me too
far" uadt
"Pll go home to pa, that I will.
You inhuman monster you-I'll be
divorced from YOU this very day.
So there I" and the platteriof ham
made a journey after the mullins.
just at that moment Pills Uncle
John, a shrewd old fellow, appeared
on the scene. He surveyed the
group with an anxious twinkle of the
eye. 81
What's the matter, Fanny I
Anything gone wrong ~ he inquired.
"Gone wrong! Matter enough!
Oh, Uncle John, he's a wretch, and
set out to strike me with a poker.n
"And she threw a plate of muf
fms and the ham at me.
"He's monster, Uncle John. I'll
be divorced from him this very day.
He is worse than a savage"
!" So he is" cried Uncle John, en-
tering warmly into the spirit of the
thing, $50 he is,"-stripping off his
coat,-"and I'll settle the matter at
once. You stand back, Fanny; I'll
.give<him such a thrashing as he'll be
likely to remember. Striking his
wife with poker, indeed! I'll rec
tify matters;" and Uncle John
grasped the long handled buster and
flourished it threateningly around
the head Of his nephew. "There.
sir, take that! and that! and that p
exclaimed he, bringing down the
feathers on the shoulders of the
amazed Phil. "Fanny, my dear, I'll
not leave bone Of him whole.p
Fanny's round blue eyes had been
growing larger and larger-and now
her Indignation broke.
John Hays!' she cried, "you're
a heather and an old, meddling
vagabond! Let Phil alone! He's my
dear, dear husband, and you've no
right to touch him. He's an angel.
He never intended to strike me. Be
still striking him, or you'll be sorry !"
and Fanny seized the broom from
behind the door, and prepared to do
battle. r
"Stand back !" cried Uncle John,
she's a monster, and deserves death.
The man who would threaten to
strike a woman ought to be hung"
Fanny's ~ - blazed. She few at
Uncle John with the spite Of a
tigress, and the way the trio went
round the room was worth witness
ing. Uncle John after Phil with the
buster, and Fanny after Uncle John
with the broom.
Phil made spring for the window,
but there was what-not in the way
and getting his leg entangled in that,
he brought the whole concern to the
floor. Ambrotypes, books, vases,
rare china, and a hundred cherished
curiosities, all were involved in a
direct ruin.
Phil went down with the other
things, Uncle John stumbled over
him, and Fanny only saved herself
by selling the bell-rope, which
brought her two servants to the spot.
OF course they took Phil and
Uncle John for house breakers, and
if Fanny's explanation had not been
enforced by sundry touches of her
broomstick, the consequences might
have been serious.
The first moment of calm was
seized upon by the young couple to
embrace each other.
"My angel, Fanny"
"My precious Phil"
And then followed an explanation
like the bursting of beer bottles.
Uncle John left the house during
this interesting performance, still
firmly ofthe opinion that the surest
way Of reconciling wife to her
husband is to get third person to