Connecticut western news., 1882-06-28
SOCIETIES ON THE BRAIN.
The Man Who Had Enough Initials
 After His Name to Stock Rail-

road.
 "Out in Burlington, where I live," said the HaaDkeye man, "there was woman, neighbor of mine, whose hus- band belonged to more lodges, and so- cieties, and fraternities, and leagues, and orders, and unions, and clubs, and | rites, and teams and things than two | of them could count in week. Why, this man used to take some of his meals | at home but he went to bed in regalia. | his wife 'Worshipful Mistress and he | addressed his children as Junior Ward | ens' and Chief Tough Moguls' and Most Worthy Bashi Bazouks,' and other wicked and pagan titles. The mans children grew to regard the entire system of secret societies of the United States as their father. They had vague idea that they were in some close degree blood relations of Solomon, and they told their Sunday teacher that their grandfather worked on the tower of Babel, and they always spoke of Hiram Abiff as Uncle Hiram And this man used to go down and pound the boiler and hold one corner of the blanket and grease the pole and heat the pitch nights when there was can- didate to be assassinated and he wa tered himself into dropsy of Good Templar meetings, and fermented him. | self into beer vat at Druid picnics, and ate himself into chronic indigestion at Odd Fellows suppers, and sat up nights with sick Grand Army comrades, and visited Masonic widows and comforted Knights of Pythias orphans-female, sixteen years and upward-and danced himself into paralysis and got his eyes blacked at all sorts of balls, and had good busy time of it, and was considered capital fellow because he had to write s. O. G. F. w., and B. B. o. E., and B. O. D., after his name every time he wrote letter or registered at hotel.
 "Well, one day there were several things going on all at once in our town. There was a grand convocation of Knights Templar and public installa- tion of Hope Lodge No. s,277, I. o. o. F., and Druid picnic and Hibernian benevolent society ball, and fraternity l symposium, and Grand Army parade and campfire, and 8 special M. w. of the s. K. of A, O. U. W. Legion 3O6, and two or three bazaars, and masked parade of the T. 0. Ms, and fire tournament and fight, and choral union and rehearsal and a chice meet ing and squabble, and base ball match and regatta, and oroquet quarrel, and in the effort to attend all of them came home all tired out, told his wife he didn't believe he felt very well, and went straight to bed.
 "His family never saw the man again for six weeks. And the days were made busy and the nights were made noisy by all manner of committees wearing all manner of badges coming to inquire after the sick man, and to sit up with him and bringing him all manner of comforting things-gruel and jellies, | , peanuts and ice cream, and cake and pie and watermelon, and tracts and fiat tiasks, and ne stories, and sandwiches and egg nog, and cigars and conundrums. and jokes on the boys, and all sorts of doctors and homopathists, allopaths. water cures, Swedish movement cures, eclectics, new school, old school, regu- lars, guerrillas, Injun doctors. knead- CTS, slappers and heale rs.
 "And the man got we'll? He had to-" the fat man added, noticing the expression of incredulity that settled upon the countenances of the passen- gers "There were too many of him to die at once. While they were wrestling with one of him the rest of him could get the bulge on him, so he pulled through. And when he was quite we'll and all there, they had grand union picnic for his benefit, to which all the societies to which he belonged were invited. The family naturally reioiced at this, and supposed they would get front seats all the way, as they were closely connected with the circus. In. stead of this, however, they were treated to surprise.
 "The procession organized with the man himself and three eminent brethren of vastly superior degrees, Tn the first carriages. Then came brass band. Then came more carriages containing eminent brethren from visiting lodges, every man with enough initials after his name to stock railroad the O. I. c. U. R. F. l.. Y.; and the R. s. T. U. V. K, and the 0. D. & 0. A. l.. l.. U., and the T. o. M., and G. A. L., and the J. U. G., under the seat Then came a whole procession of chaplains, lodge chaplalns, on foot, swearing at the dust. And away off, two and half miles away from the band, came the family, in the middle of the street, hoof- ing it.
 "When they finally got out to the picnic grounds, the members of the mans domestic household were again pleasantly surprised, being stopped at the gate by an outside sentinel, who clubbed them off to the right. There they found an inside guard who promptly chased them off to the left. Then they ran into boy seven years old, with white hair and red necktie, carrying clothes prop and bearing in | own official r,arson tha oDoruoo,,s opd