Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-12-23
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS THIS WEEK.
The iimc-kiln Club Glad Of 1.-THE Brnke-
MANA Leg ON "a Tear, ctc.. etc.
TIE LIAIE-RILN CLUB.

Banana St. Johns. who took drink of
water on entering the hall without first
having inspected the dipper. 1t seemed
that in cleaning up the room during the
afternoon the jauitor had found an over
coat button, bradawl, pocket comb, a
knife blade AMI six shirt buttons, and
had recklessly dropped them into the
dipper and forgotten the circumstance.
When brother St. Johns had gurgled
down Il quart of water he paused in as
tonishment. Then he began to kick and
cough and claw and dance, and it was
not until he had run over Pickles Smith
and trampled upon Giveadam Jones that
any one suspected the cause of his hilar-
itv. He was then held against the wall,
while the pOcket-comb and bradawl were
extracted from his teeth. and with the
aid of number of thumps on the back
from various fists he managed to cough
mp most of the other missing articles, al
though in so doing he broke down
bench and upset Elder Toots. As soon
rs the meeting opened he was fined $l7
for disturbing the peace. and ordered to
make all repairs at his own cost.-De-
h'oH Free Press.
At night. when n freight train is side
tracked at a meeting point, and all his
companions arr squatted on n pile of
cross-tics. the brakeman is in his glory.
He then discusses al libitum the affairs
of the road, and criticises every one from
the president down to the most humble
official. He does not hesitate to say that
if the president can't run road any bet
ter than he does he should go off some
where and drive n canal boat.
After he has said this and other things
concerning the assininity of the officials
in general, he turns to one of his COM
panions and says:
Jimmie. did Won ever know that old
fellow, Billy McGinty. who has Just been
appointed superintendent OIL, X. &C.?"
''What. McCiinty? OF course I've seen
him: and YOU bet he's fine old plum to
be superintendent
"Well. I should think he was. / was
brakeman on the Southern Division Of
I. G.. & y. when he got his first joh-old
Matt johnson was pulling us and Nc
Ginty was so green he didn't know n
draw head from switch-frog. No mat
ter how slow old Matt Johnson backed
up that How couldn't couple n car. and
sometimes for half m hour We were back
ing up and going ahead, until you could
hear Matt johnson curse for two miles
off. I'll be blamed if / don't think he
tried to Kill McGinty. He used to come
back and Jam the draw heads under the
cars, hut when he pulled ahead again
McGiIitv would step out without "A scratch
on him. 4 road, tell you, is mighty
hard dup when they take such thing as
McGinty.
At the conclusion of such n speech the
whole crowd of brakemeu will review the
history of McGinty, and finally, without
dissenting voice, will arrive Mt the con-
clusion that he is fine old plum. p"
The brakeman Is to be admired for the
remarkable manner in which he gets wind
of various and sundry plans which the
management intend to place in operation
and wish to keep quiet.
The brakeman will sit on the end of a
cross-tie, swap opinions concerning the
wisdom of the president i'll concocting
such n plan long before the la-de-da
clerks in the general Office obtain the
merest inllling of it, If an appointment
is to be made he will tell YOU the name
of the man and the time the appointment
is To go into effect.-Ncic orleans Dem
Ocrdt
AND HE WAS GLAD OF 1T.
Almost every night of his life for the
last twenty-three years Detroiter has
been aroused from his slumbers by a poke
in the ribs and a voice whispering. John!
\ john do YOU hear that 2"
On such occasions the conversation has
always run in one channel, and about as
| follows
Whazzer want
Don't you hear that noise p
"No."
Listen l tell You some one is rails
ing a window =
"Oh bosh =
For Heavens sake, John, get up on
we'll be murdered i'll our beds! l heal
some one moving around in the dining
room y
" Let 'em move !"
There it is again If you don't get
up | will, for IN all III n chill =
There was no peace until John got III
and stumbled around the house with Z
rusty old revolver III his grip. He never
expected it was anything more than the
wind or the frost or the cat. but almost
every night brought a repetition.
The other night ushered in an entire
change Of programme. just before mid
night the wife elbowed his spine an6
whispered:
"Mercy on me but 1 feel draught o.
cold air p
Nonsense p growled the sleepy hus
band.
"And Ihear some one walking aroundr
ats the cat =
"Get ont of bed this minute, or II
yell murder and arouse the neighbor-
! hood -
John obeyed. He felt the cold air on
his legs as he tramped through the upper
hall. and when he was half way down
stairs dark figure skipped out of the
open front door. When he reached the
threshold he saw n man running across
the street, and he call d out:
"Hellol there-hold on
The man halted.
"Come back here, you burglarl Come
back and I'll give you the run of the
house I've been waiting for and ex-
pecting Won for over twenty years, and
now don't want to be shook in this man,
ner y
"You go to South America r shouted
the man.
"Well, I'll leave the door open for you,
and You can enter and burglar around fol
n whole hour if you want to and / worl'i