Mexico weekly ledger., 1882-02-16
The LEDGER,
GOING TO BED MAD.
Mr.. speopendyke Objects to the Public.
ity Hnlee Has Been Given His
domestic Habits.

endYnNf "'lsileu liltO lnc fOOin
and fell into a chair, ''did you know
that that section of a stovepipe, with
handy legs and Presbyterian steeple
nose. had published book about YOU
and meF
''No? exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. "1ou don't tell me! Is it
anything like Napoleon Bonaparte
crossing the Alps:''
mo, it amt anything like Napo-
leon Bonaparte crossing the Alps!'
snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''And it
amt like Julius Hannibal crossing
the Hellespont! Nor it amt any
thing about Queen Victoria! It's
all about you and me, l tell you!
It's all about our private life, and the
idiot always represents me as going
to bed mad!''
II don't think that there's any
thing in our private life to be ashamed
Of" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, land as
to your going to bed mad you gener-
ally do, don't you, dear?"
"What if / do" howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''S'pose 1 want to 90
to bed on every news stand in the
country done up in cheap binding
and bad type? Think 1 want posters
out on the fences, 'Spoopendyke
going to be mad, in paper 25 cents
Spoopendyke going to bed mad, with
additions and preface by the author,
price 80 cents; Spoopendyke going
to be mad, bound in cloth with bev-
eled edges; children cry for it and
doctors recommend it, price 81? Got
an idea that / want to 90 to bed mad
in twenty-four editions, with row
with news company, printers bills
unpaid and a paper manufacturer
bowling for his money? Wah-h-h!"
yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''It's a
book, tell you. Cut on the edges,
pasted on the back. covered on the
outside, and reading matter all over!
Know what book is: The only diff
ference between a book and your
mouth is that the book shuts up once
in while! Who gave him the
facts?' and Mr.. Spoopendyke leaned
back in his chair and frothed at the
mouth.
'''What does the man say in his
hook?' asked Mrs. Spoopendyke.
':He don't say anything! He don't
get chance. You do all the talking
like you do at home! O, you're a
great woman now! It's Mrs. Spoop-
endyke this, and Mrs. Spoopendyke
that, and Mrs. Spoopendyke around
the corner, and Mrs. Spoopendyke
over the fence. Shalhespeme's no.
I..,s, CT, are the leading literary
character of the day! Who gave him
the facts? Who purveyed the infor-
nation! Who told him you were an
idiot that only needed wash bill and
Il brother-in-law to be Guiteau trial -
Il don't quite know what you
mean,'' faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Il know about the Guiteau trial and
| hope Mr.. Porter will win it. But l
don't know anything about being lit
erary, and as for Shakespeare, think
lie is almost as abtruse as the Board
Of Education."
s.What l want to know is, who
cave him the facts,' rOared Mr.
;;poopendyke. ''Who gave this ole
len cent author with a five acre repu.
:ation the facts? How'd he ever fine
out that you didn't know any more
:.bout keeping house than frog doe:
about keeping a bank account:''
I'm sure l don't know sale
sfrs. Spoopendyke soothingly. MAY
he he is only newspaper man wlc
publishes facts first and then trusts tt
:Ick to find them out afterward
What does he say about me:''
Say about you!' squealed Mr.
'}poopendyke. ''He don't say enough
e only leaves the impression that {;
almond drill, steam engine. fail
leather and foul weather might make
n impression on your school. Dc
.Tou appreciate the enormity of the
@'tuatlon! Do you reach out and
!Gfasp, comprehensively, the unalter-
:'bie fact that your market value is
iIenty-flve cents in paper and 81 i'll
.oth! Can you absorb the idea that
il illustrating your red, white and
ltle virtues he has dragged me into
is book, so as to give character te
il:'' !
''Does he mention you, too:" ex.
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke with al
"ir of Indignation.
MIR. Spoopendyke rose TOMS ffee't
X sslosty 'atJit ne Invested himself of hi
clothing and slammed the various ar
ticles on the floor, keeping his ey'
liked OH his trembling wife.
Mrs. Spoopendyke, said he, as III
pranced into bed, ''be kind enough t
regard me as the cheap edition. Th
honor of cloth, with beveled edges
gold letters ON cover, and the nam
spalied wrong belongs to you. Wit
that and your literary attainments
combined with your disposition to re
dect discredit on an insane jackass
YOU only need your corners turne
down, and your back torn off to be
circulating library!'' With which pre-
found illustration of his contempt fc