Arizona weekly enterprise., 1882-04-08
THE MODERN HAT.RACK.
DiabOIlcal Character of This Heath enish COntrivance.
 From the New York Times1


 No candid man can examine the mod ern hat-rack without feeling that it is ex- plicable only on the theory of it's demoniacal origin. Indeed, the human mind is so constituted that itinstinctiVe- ly refers all the contrivances ostensibly intended for holding hats to the devil, and most of us would confess belief that the devil makes hat-racks did we not fear the derision of so-called, ,philoso- phers. Is it reasonable to suppose that any human being seriously designed for good purpose the combination of brass rods which is to be seen above the ta- bles in certain restlurantsp Ostensibly these rods are intended for temporary storage of hats but when a man tries to put his hat on bra s-rod rack it in stantly falls down again, and brings with it two other hats and pie of newspa- pers, the former of which upset the cas- ter, while the latter diffuse themselves over the butter and the beefsteak. Nothing but the theory of the active in fuence of evil spirits can account for this style of hat rack, and yet it is really inferior in ingenious mali9nity to the common hat-rack of private houses.
 This diaboical contrivance is always placed in the dark corner of the hall-a fact which shows that evil spirits are concerned not merely in manufacturing but in placingit. The colsequcLce is that the visitor gropes for it, and, in so do- ing, infallibly knocks down the over coats and hats which are already hung upon it. When he is able to perceive il with his eyes, he can find no satisfactory peg. The malicious manufacturer never fails to make the pegs so short that to induce hat to balance itself upon one of them is task requiring both time and dexterity. Not content with this, the manufacturer places the pegs SO close together that 1t is impossible for two adjoining pegs to support each its own hat at the same time. The ordi- nary visitor learns this truth only by sad experience. He persists n trying to hang his hat on the peg next to that which bears the hat of the head of the house, and it is only afterhe has knocked the original hat down with his own hat. and then knocked bis own hat down by trying to restore the other to it's origin al place, that he perceives the fell pur- pose of the maker of hat racks.
 Only the ingenuity of demons could have combined an umbrella stand with a hat-rack. The object of this unholy combination is obviously to tempt the visitor to deposit his overcoat on the protruding handles of half a dozen umbrellas and canes. The prudent man rarely attempts to hang his ovt rcoat on peg, for he knows that in so doing hA will knock down all the hats. Moreover, it is the practice of the satanic manfact- urer to put in the pegs SC loosely that the weight of an overcoat when put on any one of them will pull it out. He, therefore, folds his overcoat up and lays it gently on tue umbrella handles. In stantly these delusive supports give way. A rattling avalanche of canes and umbrel. las strikes on the marble floor, and the betrayed overcoat gathers to itself ali the available dirt that has accumulated in the bottom of the umbrella stand while the startled and indignant visitor breaks into language which might well fill listening demons with fendish joy So notorious has the character of tht combined hat-rack and umbrella stand become that wise men nevel meddle with it, but uniformly plac, their folded overcoats on the floor in corner of the hall, and put their hat osi their overcoats.
 Now, if we attempt to account for the hat-rack on any theory which exclude the supernatural, we make complet' failure. It is in vain for us to ask our selves why men should make an articl, of furniture that can accomplish no con ceivable end except the exasperation O mankind. The moment we assume ths hat-racks are the work of evil spirit they become coherent and intelligible Is it not, then, a pity that the abolition of faith in evil spirits leaves us withor, any method of accounting for the ex istence of hat-racks, and compels us t say that we do not know, and cannot con .aiva for what l1urDose thpV are made