The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-03-24
A Trial of Endurance.

My dear qucried Mr. Spoopendykc, did
you put those oysters on The cellar floor with
the round shells down, as | told you:
4 did most of EN- replied Mrs. Spoopcn-
dyke. Some of 'em wouldn't stay that way.
They turned right over
Must have been extraordinary intelligent
OYSTERS muttcrcd Mr.. Spoopenkyke, ,eyeing
her with suspicion. Didn't any of 'em stand
up on end and ask for the morning paper
did they?
you know what l mean futtered Mrs.
Spoopcndyke. They tipped over Sideways
and so laid them on the fiat she'll
That's right grunted Mr.. Spoopcndykc
You want to give an oyster his own way, or
you'll hurt his feelings. Suppose you bring
us some of those gifted oysters and an oyster
knife, and we'll eat 'cm.'
Mrs Spoopendyke hurried away and pat
tered back with the feast duly set ont on a
tea waiter, which she placed before Mr.
Spoopcndyke with flourish.
Now, said she, drawing up her sewing
chair, and resting her elbows on her knees
and her chin on her hands, when you get all
you want you may open me some
Mr.. Spoopendyke whirled the knife around
his head and brought it down with sharp
crack. Then he clipped away at the end for
a moment, and jabbed at what he supposed
was the opening. The knife slipped and
powcd the bark off his thumb.
Won't come open, will yeT he snortcd
fetching it another lick, and iabbing away
again Haven't completed your census of
who's out here working at We, have ye !? and
he brought it another whack. --P'raps ye
think haven't fully made up my mind to
call within, don't yc" and he rammed the
point of the knife at it, knocking the skin off
his knuckle.
That isn't the "ay to open an oyster, sug-
gested Mrs, Spoopcndykc.
Look here roared Mr., Spoopendyke, turn
ing icrcely on his wife. have you got any
private understanding with this oyster? Has
the oyster contdcd in You the particular way
in which he wants to he opcnedE'
Moo" stammercd Mrs. Spoopcndyke.
'Only | thought
This is no time for thought shouted Mr..
Spoopendykc, banging away at the edge of
the shell. This is the moment for battle. and
if I've happened to catch this oyster during
office hours, he's going to enter into relations
with the undersigned. Come out, will We =
he yelled, as his knife flew up his sleeve.
Maybe YOU don't recognize the voice Of
Spoopendyke. Come out yc dod gasscd
coward, before W make an enemy of me for
life" and he pelted away at the shell with the
handle of the knife, and spattcred mud like II
dredging machine
Let me get you "A hammer to crack:him
WITH recommended Mrs Spoopcndykc,
lowering over her husband in great pcrtur-
baton.
Don't want any hammer" howled Mr.
Spoopendyke, slamming around with his
knife 'S'pose I'm going to use brute force
on dod gasted fish that | could swallow
alive if could only get him out of his house ?
Open your mcasly premises = raved Mr.
SpoOpendykc, stabbing at the oyster vindict-
lively, and slicing his shirt sleeve clear to
the elbow. Come forth and enjoy the
society of Spoopcndyke" and the worthy
gentleman fOamed at the mouth as he sank
back in his chair and contemplated his
stubborn foe with garing eyes.
III tell you what to 90 " exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopcndykc radiant with profound idea.
| Crack him in the door
That's the scheme! grinncd Mr.. Spoopen
dyke, with horrible contorions of vsage.
| Fetch me the door Set that door right be
fore me on plate, This oyster is going t,
stay here, fyou think this oyster is going
to'cnjoy any change of climate until h,
strikes the tropics of Spoopendykc, you don
know the domestic habits of shell-fish
Loose your hold" squealed Mr.. Spoopen
dyke, returning to the charge, and fetching
the hi 1alye prodigious whack. Come on
and let me introduce you to my wife;' an,
Spoopendyke laid the oyster ON the arm G
his chair and slugged him remorselessly
Watt squealed Mrs. Spoopendyke, her
is one with his mouth open = and shepontc
cautiously at n gasping oyster who had ev