Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1882-11-23
A Woman on w Woman.

"A woman on w Oman.
Upon the whole, it is a dreadful
bother to be woman, and to do the
business up in good shape.
In the first place, you've got to look
well, or else you're nobody. A man
may be homely, and still popular. Whis-
kers cover up most of his face, and il
he has large mouth nobody mistrusts
it; and if he has wrinkles bad on his
forehead, his friends speak of his many
cares, and of his thoughtful disposition,
and tell each other that his wrinkles
are lines of thought Lines of thought,
indeedi when in all probability his
forehead is wrinkled by the habit he
has of scowling at his wife when the
coffee isn't strong enough.
A woman must always be in good
order throughout. Her hair must be
frizzed and banged as fashion demands,
and she must powder if she has shin
ing skin; and she must manage to look
sweet, no matter how sour she may
feel; and she must hang just so, and
her laces must always be spotless, and
her boot buttons must be all in place,
and her fnger-nails clean, and she
mustn't whistle nor climb fences, nor
stone cats, nor swear when she's mad.
Sue can't 60 out alone, because she
must be protected. She can't 60 any
where when it rains, because her hair
won't stay crimped, and she'll get mud
on her petticoats and things. She can't
be Free Mason, because she would
tell their secrets and everybody would
know about that goat and that grid
iron. She can't smoke, because it
wouldn't be feminine. She can't 20
counting, because it is unwomanly. But
she must get married before 80, or
everybody will feel wroneed. People
will sigh over her and wonder why it
is that the men "don't seem to take"
anu all the old maids and widows will
smile signifcantly-and keep quiet.
1t is everybody's business who wo-
man marries. The whole neighborhood
put their heads together and talk over
the pros and cons and decide whether
she is good enough for him. And they
criticise the shape of her nose and the
way she does up her hair, and relate
how lazy her grandfather was and how
her Aunt Sally sold beans and butter
milk.
A woman must wear No. 2 boots on
No. 8 feet, and she must manage to
dress well on seventy-6ve cents week;
she mustn't be vain, and she must be
kind to the poor and 60 regularly to the
sewing society meetings, and be ready
to dress dolls, make aprons and tides
for church fairs.
She must always have the mascu-
line buttons in the family on so that
they will never come off while in use,
and she must keep the family hosiery
SO that everybody would mistrust that
there were toes inside of the stockings
when they are ON.
She must hold herself in readiness to
find everything her husband has lost
and a man never knows where anything
is. He will put his boots away on the
parlor sofa, and when he has hunted for
them half an hour he will appear to his
wife with cOuntenance like that of an
avenging angel, and demand to know
"What she has done with his boots"
She must shut all the doors after her
lord and master, and likewise the bu-
reau drawers. for married man was
never known to shut a drawer. 1t
would be as unnatural as for a hen to
go in swimming for recreation.
All, there are good many tricks in
the trade of what is called Living to-
gether!"
A woman is expected to take care of
the baby even after the first infantile
wonder multiplies into round dozen.
And IL ne doubles up with the collie, or
the trials of cutting teeth, necessary
evils of the mumps and measles, and
scarlet fever and rash, and throat dis
temper, and short sleeves and bare legs,
and pins sticking into him, and too
much candy and temper, why, her
husband tells her that she does wish
she'd try to quiet the baby" And he
says it just as if he fully believed that
she alone was responsible for its exist
snce; and as If he thought she vas con-
siderable to blame for It. too.
We might 60 on indefinitely with the
'rouble woman brings. and if there In
man in the world who thinks wom-
IN has an easy time of it, why just let
him pin pound of false hair to his
head, and get inside new pair of cor
let's and puts on pull-back over-skirt.
md be a woman himself, and see how
Ia likes il.