The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-02-12
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

Esthetic editors have tneir pss'e
made from sun -four now.
The immoralities of the stage are
as nothing to the sel6shness OF the
street car.
The potato is susceptible vegetA-
bic. It is constantly getting mashed.
There is this to be said in favor o.
the esthetic knee breeches-they
won't bag ct the knee.
Some one who has been there
remarks that q young author lives
in an attic because one is rarely able
live on his frs. story.
Enoch Pratt of Baltimore, who
has given 81, 600, 600 for q circula-
ting library, has cast gloom over
the lawyers Of that city.
DR.. Holland wrote: There's a
song in the air." Investigate
would have sho6n him that the air
was in the song.
There must have been fast young
men in the days of old Cicero. He
said: ITO live long, it is necessary to
live slowly"
Bloggs' mother.iu-law objects to
the half smoked cigars lying around
the house, but Bloggs says the old
lady is naturally stump speaker.
Money makes my ma CO." said
little Skeesicks when his mother,
armed with 9 twenty-dollar green
back. left for downtown shopping
tour.
There is q prevailing superstitious
terror of the number thirteen. That's
probably the reason that folks don't
admire the Ogden shoe.
"What makes you look 30 deathly
sick, Tommy" "Well, the fac 4
the matter is, I've been taking my
first chew, and I am only an
smachewer."
An anti-Bourbon movement is re-
ported in Louisiana. 1t may sweep
over the rest OF the south, but it will
never reach Kentucky.
A pleasantly attributed to M.
Theirs: when / was very young /
was so little-so httle-that l needed
pole to knock down the straWber-
ries."
Sir Phillip Francis used to say that
If the Atlantic OCEAN were claret he
would drink his way to America
Sir Philip was often hslf.seas over.
It does break up the landlord of a
hotel to have a guest say: Landlord,
think it would be an improve
ment if this shoe brush had snoth er
hair in it."
SIS the General on the retired
list?" they asked of his vile the
other evening. Retired? No. indeedI"
she replied. Hes down to the club
playing poker
An eastern man started gorgeous
Billiard Parlor" cut west, but neg
Letting liberal supply of spittoons it
was said his establishment did not
come up to public expectoration.
"The bees are sWarming, and
there's no end to them," said far mer
Jones, coming into the house. His
little boy George came in a second
afterwards and said there was an end
to one of 'em anyhow. and it was
red hot, too.
1t has just been discovered that
Gerster is not great artistic. The
dress which she wore in TrGriata cost
onlu 81, 900. A $1,000 dress might
do for an amateur, but great ar istee
are known by their So. 900 dresses.
A druggist OF Bolton Falls, Va,
has been sent to prison for sixty days.
'for selling liquor as a beverage. u
Wonder what they would have
done with him If he had sold it as a
liver pad or as q wash for remov-
ing freokles.
The Philadelphia Chronicle says
Some New York tenement house,
have ten families on the upper floor.
Probably there is where the expires,
sion upper ten originated" The
Chronicle forgets to add that big-bugs
doubtless owe their origin t. the
same source.
Congressman Page Of California
wants the anniversary of the discov.
cry of America made legal holiday.
That's right. What this country
needs is more legal holidays. The
day of the year on which America
was discovered is not known, but the
trouble might be overcome by
making the entire year a legal
holiday.
The Marquis OF Lorne claims that
his ancestors sat around King Ar
thurs round table. Nobody in this
country will think any the less Of
Lorne because of his folks having no
table of their own, and having to get
meals at somebody else's table pro.
vlded they did not leave between
daylight and dark without paying
their board.
| Tn5 crop of almanacs for 1882 is
very copious, and most of them
abound with excellent Jokes, of
which the following is a sample;
"Desr Sir: For two long years l was
confined to my bed. The doctors
gave me up as incurabIe. Twas
finally induood n f.z - L-..I "A