The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-08-05
WIT AND WISDOM.


tier than the sword, sure enough.
1t will be noticed that the Ohio
man on the Tariff Commission has,
not declined.
A Colorado bath consists of hang
ing damp towel to tree and climb.
ing the towel.
Many man is not satisfied to, live
on the face of the earth. He lives.
on his own cheek.
Since Keifer came to the 'front.',
Private Dalzell has seldom beer re-
ferred to as Ohio's champion ass.
The Sultan of Turkey has $50
widows in his palace. He had EN-
put in to give the mosquito fair
shake.
A Cuban who has fought five duels
to protect bis honor is now in jail for
Hobbing his washwoman Of So,
Why is Blacksmith supposed to-
be diseonsolate manp Because
he is always on strike or else blow
ing.
what won't drunken man do?'
asks an exchange. Well. he won't
pot more waber than whiskcy in, his
drinks.
When glass bonnets become fash,
ionable as 1t seems they will, it will
be dangerous for ladies to get theis
heads together.
An Illinois farmer who plowed up
a two gallon jug abused his oxen be-
cause there was no. whiskey in it.
The difference between q bad cent
and demolished apple, is that ones,
good for naught, and the others,
knawed for good:
A Georgia woman found snake.
in her bonnet, but was too agitated'
to tie it under her chin and invent
new style Of string.
A drummer travelled away up into
Michigan to commit suicide because
he wouldn't be found dead within
forty miles of Chicago.
An Indian tribe has taken the
war path. This is too bad. They
ought to have waited until the army
got over the spring fever.
A child without legs has just bean
born. THANK heavcnr' said the
weeping father, "this will never be q
champion, pedestrian"
Tsrnadocs are so frequent in love-
that people jump out of bed every
time they her two cats fight think.
ing a wind storm is coming
Worth's opinion of the fair sex is
not hattering. lie says he has to,
dun foup out Of five before be gets
the amount Of his bill.
Some persons arc talking panic to.
get securities down so that they may
60 in and buy enough to make a
good thing on the rise.
1t made a New York woman awful
mad because her husband, mistooks
her big hat for bath tub and un-
dertook to take bath in it.
A circus, a Sunday school conyen-
ton and sparring match occurred
on the same day in Springfield, Mass.
The city was crowded.
| New comets are generally discov-
cred soon after midnight, just before,
the astronomer goes home from his
lodge.
Ivory is becoming very scarce. 1t
is only question Of time when the
dentist will have to make false teeth
out Of briclibats and cobblcstones.
Large crops are promised this year.
AS this includes both mosquitoes and
stump orators, people don't know
whether to be sorry'or glad.
| A six-leggcd and follr-winged
chicken is on exhibition in Wiscon-
sin. This is the kind Of chicken to-
raise for the boarding honse market.
The only way to distinguish wait
er from a guest at a swell party is to
step on his corns. If he knocks you
down he is the waiter.
EYES,, remarked the rusty looking
passenger, sadly, "Pm all broke mp.
lost my old woman this winter and
what was worse lost my horse"
Two Nevada boys mistook a griz-
Fly bear fol- calf and chased him
half mile. 1t happened to be the
bears day for having fun with the
boys.
Eight-tenths, Of the clcrgymcp, il
New York either chew or smoke and
they expect to go, to heaven right
along with the rest
| Minnesota hoy started ont to he,
desperate and they lynched him at
once. They are ready out there to,
set good example before the boys.
The ignorant young man who said
he wanted to 60 to college, so AS to
stndy a. girl called Belle Letters had
some natural talent for something
after all.
Smith discovered after marriage.
that his wife wrote poetry; but he
couldn't do anything about it then
as he had taken her for better or for
verse.
In the recent prize fight one OF the
contestants had his hand broken,
Now look out for claim agents trying
to. get him pension from the govern
ment.
Rhode Islands first case under the
A. .I-x1re 4 Vi Is