The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1882-09-09
ADUCHMAN's IDEA OF IMMIGRATION
fNew York Sun. !

81 dink 1 vos about der only Ameri-
can vot bin in favor of der emigrants,"
said the barber whose field is the neigh
borhood of the Cooper Institute. oder
Irishman up stairs and der Bervarian
vot bin der chanitor from der house der
corner py und all der other fellers vos
glad if der Castle Harden bin closed
out. Dem all bin fools. Let der emil
grants come choost so much they please.
Dot vos not drue in der bapers der
Russian Chews ven all back again by
Europe? Some ven back? So? Vel,
vos astonished. Dem wood not git
dubbed by dis guntry like they bin by
Russia. Dem ought to stay and safe
some money, und their sons by der
clothing pizness set up, und in feefty
year dem all bin bankers und such
dings. Dots der way der whole worlt
around.
eff vos der PRESIDENT by Washing
ton wood not stop anyding, not even
der Eyetalians and der Russiand Chews.
Dem Eyetalians been all der dime cult
ing down wages, und dem Chews been
all der dime putting up der brices. Der
Eyetalian fellers git poor like church
mouses, und der Chews lif on der rest
der becple. Vot kin produce for den
cents der Chew gets und sells for feet
teen cents. Dem keep all der while
der brices up. Not do I care? Id vos
chOost der zame ven / was boy in
Chermany. Always efferyding goes by
der teffil und always der bad dimes
now come to be der good old Dimes
Vot you dink I say? L choost say.
tDer- morrow to-day will bin yesterday
Amt it? l hat got me holdings against
der Irish. They all work. Some choost
like der rest der beeple und some work
NIT bolitics. Bolitics is der principal
peezness nit dem Irish. Der barber by
der next chair-dot's der gomical Teller
vot all der dime makes chokes-he
says, if Irishman got himself ship
wrecked der rnittle by der ocean, und
a ship comes along und dolt
him it had got room choost for one
ledder, dot Irishman would not wride
to his family about how no vos going
to git away NIT der mittle by der
ocean. Der Irishman would choost sit
down und make out Il long ledder to
all der kings und queens by Europe
choost to dell dem vat they must do
dill he gets away.
UDOt barber makes me laugh my
sides out NIT his monkey chokes.
1 dink I vos dead if he
don't stop right away"
"Vot's der meter by der Chinese?"
the barber asked earnestly. "By Chin
my! 1 vos der only American vot
don't been afraid by dem Cinnamon !!
Dots foolishness to say der Chinese will
safe up der whole money by der gun
try und dake it nit him away to Chi
ma back. I came to this guntry choost
to do dot. So does effery Cherman und
Hollander und Switzer and Spanisher,
und all dem beeples. Effery man told
his sweetheart in der old guntry,
'Choost you wait a minute. I come right
away back und buy out Eder whole
peezness I told my old mudder
more as dot. I told her l wood come
back und make her present of a
brewery. Der rest been choost like
myzelf. 1t dakes so long to git rich
dot a teller vos so goot an American
like Chorse Washington, und ven he
goes der oft guntry back he comes
right away home in sex months NIT
der homesickness. I wood sooner lif
in tenement house by Nye Yorick
than be Brince by Chcrmany."
A Philadelphia man who going away
travelling, promised his wife, who was