Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-09-15
F. Z. N


HIS MA GOT HoME.-"When is your
ma coming back?" asked the grocery man
to the bad boy as he found him standing
on the sidewalk when the grocery was
opened in the morning, taking some pieces
of brick out of his coat tail pockets.
''Oh, she got back at midnight last
night" said the boy, as he eat few blue
berries out of case. "That' IS what makes
me up SO early. Pa has been kicking at
these pieces of brick with his bare
feet, and when I came away he had his
toes in his hand and was trying to 60 back
upstairs on one foot. Pa haint got no
sense"
81 am afraid you are terror said the
grocery man, as he looked at the innocent
face Of the boy. "You are always making
your parents some trouble, and it is
wonder to me they don't send you to the
reform school. What deviltry were you
up to last night to get kicked this morn
ing?''
mo deviltry just little fun. You see,
ma went to Chicago to stay week. and
she got tired and telegraphed she would
be home last night, and pa was down town
and forgot to give him the dispatch, and
after he went to bed me and a chum of
mine thought we would have a 4th of
July. You see, my chum has got sister
about as big as ma, and we hooked
some of her clothes, and after pa got
to snoring we put them in pas ROOM
Oh, you'd LATED. We put pair OF num-
Der one slippers. with blue stockings down
in the front of the rocking chair beside
pa Is boots, and a red corset on chair,
and my chum sisters best black silk dress
on another chair, and hat with white
feather on, on the bureau, and some friz-
yes on the gas bracket, and everything we
could find that belonged to a girl in nay
chum's sisters room. Oh, we got red
parasol. too, and left it right in the mid
die of the floor. Well, when looked at
the layout, and heard pa snoring, l
thought I should die. You see, ma knows
pa is darn good Teller, but she is easily
excited. Ny chum slept with me that
night, and when we heard the door bell
ring stuffed pillow in my mouth. There
was nobody to meet ma at the depot, and
she had hired hack and come right ur.
Nobody heard the bell but me, and had to
90 down and let ma in. She was pretty
hot. now you bet, at not being met at the
depot.
where's your father?" she said, as she
began to 90 up stairs.
II told her I guessed pa had gone to
sleep by this time. but I heard good
deal of noise in the room about an hour
ago, and maybe be was taking BATH
Then slipped up stairs and looked over
the banisters. Ma said something about
heavens and earth, and. where is the huz-
zy, and lot of things couldn't hear; and
pa said damfno, and it's no such thing.
and the door slammed and they talked for
two hours. s'pose they finally laid it to
me, as they always do. cause pa called me
very early this morning, and when came
down stairs he came out'n the hall and his
face was redder'n beet, and he tried to
stab me with his big toe-nail, and if it had
not been for these pieces of brick he would
have hurt my feelings. see they had my
chum's sisters clothes all pinned up in a
newspaper, and 'spose when ! 60 back |
shall have to carry them homes and then
she will be down on me. I'll tell you what
I have good notion to take some shoe
makers wax and stick my chum on my
back and travel with circus as double
headed boy from Borneo. A fellow could
have more fun and not get kicked all the
time"
And the boy sampled some strawberries
in case in front of the store and went
down the street whistling for his chum
who was looking out of an alley
to see if the coast was clear.-Peck's San.
SIT is reported by one of our reliable ex-
changes" says the Salt Lake City 'Tri-
bune, /" that stranger in Bodie, in eat
ing plate of hash at restaurant, being
very hungry, unguardedly neglected to
chew it well, and swallowed large coat
button. They docIored him for pneumo-
mia for three days before he was able to
explain. They then fed him with big
button hole tied to string, and fshed it
out in no time. Now he screens all bis
hash carefully through cane-bottomed
chair before eating, and has found several
dog-collars in the operation.
A Nashville woman attacked a young
man in the street and hacked him
With butcher knife until be ran. A To-
cal paper says she conducted herself like
q perfect lady throughout the affair."
This must be great consolation to the
young man whom she attacked. If she
had conducted herself in an unladylike
manner while carving him he would have
died Of modification.
For little lady of two-and,a-ha years
this will do: she had picked up q cane in
the corner of the room and was playing
with TIA plain stick bent at the end
~What are you doing with the cans?" 1T
isn't eane.s' "What is it them" tits
IN umbrella without any clothes on.'
Twenty women Of Iowa have won some
zee cream by remaining together for an
boqr without apaskipg a worG