The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-08-19
cream OF OUR EXCHANGES.

stout.
Rome, Ga, preacher chews tobacco In the
pulpit.
The receiving teller-The last woman at the
sewing society.
In the morning man gets up, but in the
evening he gets supper.
A Washington dispatch says that "Mr. Hubbell
is hard at work." Mr.. Hubbell is evidently not
"an officer of the government"
A Bridgeport corset manufacturer is making
base balls. We thought base balls we're made
in foundries.-Dubu,V .Nelcs
A learned sehOol.eXaminer in Chicago recently
''stumpcd" an entire class of teachers with the
quiry, "how many toes has cat:'
Watterson thus drops into poetry:
"The clerk who'd keep his daily grub'l
Fork over prompt Yours t., Jay Hubbell.'
Next we shall have coat tail Irritation code.
Having the tails covered with mud will mean:
II don't like her father."-BOston Post.
Tourists are sometimes suggestive. "Why q
donkey couldn't climb that hill" said one of
them; and then he added land Pm not going 10
Try it,"
st. Louis boasts Of man who has not laughed
in twenty years. He is possibly an interlocutor
in first class" minstrel troupe fOnkerS
Statesman.
OF an Ohio man, who recently died at the age
oil los years, it was said "Hc WAS resigned,
This Is the first case Of resignation reported
from Ohio.
appeared with all the instruments and uniforms
Some men who deserve monuments never get
thcm.-Ch. 7rib
Notwithstanding Jesse James is dead months,
they are just beginning to break themselves Of
the habit over in Missouri Of throwing up their
hands every time stranger enters the car.
General Abe Buford cannot forget the turf
He compares the advance of the Church to day
TO &c troop Of thoroughbred horses, with trap.
pings hitchcd to chariot OF red"
II is all very well to say a man was hanged on
legal technicality but on thinking the matter
over We must confess that the rope really had
something to do with it.
The Rev Mr.. Talmagc is having a summer
cottage built at Bay Shore, Long Island. 1t is
understood that Mr. Talmagelhas agreed to visit
the beach once day and smile the sharks away.
Florida is said to have preacher who can
make better prayer when drunk than when so.
Der; and the Boston Post has the information
that "thc deacons I'll him up on Sunday as a re.
ligious duty"
A New York locomotive threw steer I'D into
the air distance of thirty feet, They are bound
10 Keep beef up even II steam power must be |
called upon to do it.--Evansvas Argus.
The higher civilization: "a law just passed in
Denmark provides that all drunken persons
shall be taken home In carriages at the expense
OF the landlord who sold them the last glass. :"
Now that is civilization.
trade journal gives directions for "preserv-
ing harness." Preserved harness NAV be consi.
deied very palatable by those who like that sort
OF thing, but we don't want bit In our mouth.
RorriStO,cn HerdM.
They don't have rains out west. cloud Just |
saunters up and examines a town and then col. |
lapscs right over 10. Nobody escapes but II |
neH spaper reporters and the book agents.--At.
ianta Constitution.
Senator Hill's cancer was caused BY nicotine
which got into blister on his tongue while he
was smoking. This Is direct and unmistaka.
kabe warning 10 men not to have blisters on
their tongues, -.NorristO,cn Hsroh
Professor Harris stated to the Concord phlloso.
Pliers that 'the German is psychologist and sees
into the essential activities OF reason as revealed
10 human thinking" The taste Of the Germans
Tor lager is no longer a mystery.
LIZ Governor Hubbard, OF Texas who weipbs
5Oo pounds, and who Is combating General Wea-
ver's greenback arguments on the Texas stump. |!
began speech at Minneola the other day: "If
SIT down on Weaver Pll crush him" The audi
sn utr RI IL, |
adjourn for drinks.
girl from Cincinnatah
Kept on growing fat and fattah.
Though she dieted on bat,ah
For Il yeah.
In vain she tried to scattah
All the adposal matt1h
Ill the doctor said she bettah
stop her beah
baltimore american.
This Philadelphia youth is one Of that happy
class who Can never be cornered
Arch Street Church presbyterian clergyman
coming out, encountered a backsldng Young
nan passing.
b. young man.-"Ah, doctor, how d. do? Fine
weather"
Clergy man tgruffly).--"Bad weather-hot- $
empty benches"
B. Y. NJ. (seeking to propitiate) ~ had the
pleasure OF hearing you preach last Sunday"
NieTRNman (suSpiclOusly) Me? Preachy
Ehg What was my textg"
q. Y. NJ (iloored, but recoyerng). why,
Doctor Is it possible you can have forgotten "
Catches carr '
WOW, then, having done with the snake stories,
let us hear frog story 1t is told by the Hart. 8
we'll (Ga.) Sun:
gentleman from Hartweii sent to the Great
western Gun Works and purchased small par
lor rifle, with LOCO cartridges OF the smallest
size, the bullets being about the size of duck
shot. tie went over to Benson's mill pond frog
hunting, and found very large frog of the mas
cbii"e gender sitting on stump Just above the
water. lie shot twenty-seven times at him I
when his irogship lost his balance and dropped I
out IT was found he had swallowed twenty.six ~
the baileis, catching them in his mouth sun I
posing them to be flies. When he went to move
che weight Of the lead carried him overheard, and
~hen taken out was not dead but awful sullen