The Portland daily press., 1882-03-10
Give the Barber His Due.
An Instance when the Man in the Char
was Prepared.

lfuck.J
The barber is satirized and maligned artist.
He is set forth as being skilful business man
and a humorist If he were half as shrewd as
he is said to be he would certainly have sense
enough to go into Wall street and become the
possessor of few railroads. And ii he were
the merry jester which he is claimed to be ne
would get into a circus or minstrel troupe ana
secure wealth and recogniti on by the introduc-
tion of a new fresh joke which would not only
rebound to his credit, but be step toward tne
annihilation of those which are SO old toat they
are obliged to hobble on crutches anC noio
themselves together with trusses.
In truth, the barber uses only the most COM
monplace everyday language. To prove TINS
it is only necessary to quote q conversation
overheard the other morning between one Oh
these so.called fends and customer, the par
"Fine day''
eyes"
"Guess the rains over?''
eyes"
"We'll have snow before long, think"
Correct In some parts of the world they
have snow even at this time, in other parts
they never have snow, while there are regions
where snow lies on the ground all the year
round. You are right in your prediction, now
ever, and you would be safe in betting on 1t
without consulting the almanac"
"Are you in the weather bureau?"
''No; I sell pork"
Pause.
"Not at all. 1 can't feel it any more than you
can feel a candidates pecuniary pulse the
morning after election day."
"The election excitement is over, IS 1t? :,
at is-it has been over about two weeks"
Pause. a.,
us it too cold for you with the door open?"
"Not at ALL"
"We are going to have mild Winter"
att looks that way and l trust we may ne
| able to scramble through on oar bamboo canes
| and Summer underclothes."
Pause.
"Close shaver"
eyes, as close as you can; want this shave
to last until payday"
"Tbey may be, but it is not proper for man
who cuts hair to speak Of crops. That WIS
| originally intended for a joke IN Lonaon,
| where it was built, and had long, prosperous
1 run, and underwent various changes 10 NEE,
1 various contingencies. 1t is now respected
l simply on account of its great age, and IS Kept
/ alive BY warm bricks, stimulants and meolcat-
| ed underclothes."
Pause.
| IA sad suicide last night?"
"Didn't hear of it, but it must have been.
| Suicides are generally sad. Don't know as |
| ever heard of real delightful, merry SUICIDE
! that embraced all the ecstatic elements OF
1 sail over tranquil lake at twilignt, accom-
l panied by girl with soft black eyes ana a teh-
i der little rosebud mouth"
Pause. ;,
"Your hair is getting thin on top"
/ "That's the correct place for 1t to get INN;
| Suppose mans hair should fall out all around
! and remain intact on the top! Then ne would
he tufted like a cockatoo, and he would eclipse
a, minstrel show every time he lifted his hat te
a lady. And he might wax such tuft and
fork il up into point like goatee, and thas
| ford his friends lots of innocent amusement
- ha ,oiobt GROW IL long and let it hang round
his. head in a fringe, or convert it into pig
| tair.'
| Pause.
| ebay rum?"
| eyes"
| "Fifteen cents.
"Here."
"Thank you. Good morning"
"Good morning"
And the patren who had done twice as mucf
] talking as the barber walked out