Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-03-31
f. Ut

SAGE ADVICE TO A MICHIGAN WIND
MILL MANA Michigan man who has
patent windmill went down to Tennessee
last fall to see what he could do among
the farmers of that State. Reaching a
town in the central part of the State. he
went to dealer in agricultural imple-
ments aud stated his desire to erect bis
machine and call attention to it.
well, it can be done, guess was the
reply.
''But how had best proceed?"
sWell, you kin put her up over on the
hill thar. don't know who owns the
ground, but if you treat the crowd I guess
no one will object"
every well.''
Next Tuesday is market day, and
there'll be heaps Of folks in town. You
want to be around early and treat the
crowd.''
Eyes"
''Set the old thing going and ask the
boys over to drink something"
''Just So
some explanations. of course. for it viii
be new to most of 'em. But don't talk
too long. Make it about ter minutes, and
then treat the crowd.''
'sYes.''
IF you have to talk any more, tell 'em
there's another drink ahead.'
81 see''
SsI HI oI1 1ry,n in y, u rs
boys there'll be d row in the crowd. They
shoot on sight. Keep your eye paeled, and
If you see any signs of row, ask the
whole crowd out to drlnk.''
Eyes, but
.'hook out for dog fights. II one takes
Keep your eye on the cannes. If yon g
yeller purp begin to bristle up ask the
crowd to step over and moisten."
Eyes. but by that time the whole crowd
will be drunk." protested the agent.
''Sartin it will, and that's what you
want, of course. That will give you y
chance to skip out and take your life along
with you, and if you make stop anywhere
within a hundred miles l III send the wind
mill by freigbt-provided there's anything
left to send Nothing like knowing how
TO handle Tennessee crowd. my friei q.
Did you ask me out to take snnthin' ?''-
Detroit Free Press.
A bear undertook to break into the house
Of Wisconsin man one night while the
man was out. The mans wife heard the
io@ft \
her husband coming home late. When the
bear got away he didn't stop running usl-
til he'd got nine miles, and you couldn I
coax him to go within thousand miles of
that woman again. And yet if sled
known it wac bear, and not her husband
She would probably have tainted aD'i
heen devoured, and the old man is awf,.i
sorry it didn't happen that way.
In the forenoon of life n man has an id 4
that it would take mighty big church t.
hold his friends, if they should all be
drawn to this same sanctuary at the same
time. But ere the dentist has put in tie
second set Of teeth, he has about come t
the conclusion that one of the short pews
near the ntove would not be crowded if
= they should all sit down together to warm
their feet
A diplomatic answer-Lady Godiva
ssBut surely, doctor. you don't approve of
those horrid aesthetic fashions in women >
dress?" The Doctor: my dear madam,
SO long IS woman is beautiful, she may
wear whatever she likes for me; and If she
isn't what does it matter what size wea, So"
LADY g. thinks the doctor a most delight
full person, and quite agrees with him!]
"A Buffalo paper tells of lover who be
gan to propose to his girl just as his horses
:, started to run with the Sleigh Being de-
termined to have it over with be got the
question out at the moment the sleigh
struck mile post. The girl was thrown
high in the air but as she came down she
uttered firm Eyes. Charlie" and then
tainted.
Anything you see me do, you can de-
said Pingrey to his son. THANK you sir,''
replied the young man; "but perhaps
should like to do some of the things you
take such mighty good care [ shant see
you do" Plngrey thinks of this every
time he goes behind the cupboard door to
look into the bottom of that tumbler. -
s'Whew! Coming up these stairs takes
the wind out of me-" remarks the gentle
nan who climbs TO the editorial rooms to
give advice about running the paper. $50
glad" says the editor. shaking him by the
rand; and the gentleman thinks the editor
is delighted to see him.
Maggie dear, if should attempt to spell
cupid why could not get beyond the first
SYLLABLE? Maggie gave it up. whereupon
william said. Because when I come to
&. U. of course can go no further"
Whenever you see a woman with great
deal Of Italian sunset in her hair and con.
siderable aurora borealis in her cheeks and
pose, you will experience less stormy
weather if you let her alone.
1t rains on the just and the unjust-and
~ the Just mainly because the unjust have
borrowed their umbrellas.