The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1882-05-03
WIT AND PLEAS NrRIEs.

WIT AND PLEAS ANTRIES.
Short counting: ''Rachel, the Lord hath
sent me to marry thee" said the sutton.
''The Lords will be dene," was the submis-
sive reply.
An Indian evangelist asks: Scan Re-
publican get to heaven2" We hasten to
say that he can-if he has the handling of
the Misunderstanding
"Woman," says Mr.. Eastman, sis a
problem we can never hope to solve, it is
one we shall never, never be willing to give
up."-Boston Transcript.
She confded 10 him that she never wore
anything bat silk stockings when she went
TO dances. He said he had no doubt the
costume was becoming, but-ought not
there be little moro of it2
A San Francisco man has been arrested
for deceiving widow. While his crime is
to be abhorred, it must be admitted that his
genius commands sdmiration.-Boston
Post.
A Chinaman stepped into a jewelrv shop
in San Francisco and asked for some 'con-
sistencies." Being asked to explain himself,
be said he didn't know what consistency
was, but he had been told it was q
jewel.
The Woman's Christian Temperance
I niOn at San Antonio. passed some resolu-
tions the other day, one of which is to the
effect that: Thousands Of widows sit in
hopeless weeds on account of strong
drink"
Twenty years ago Louisville man swore
that he would never marry until women
should acquire sufficient good manners to go
abreast over crossing, and not occupy the
entire width of the sidewalk. The horrid
wretch is still single.-CourierJo
An equivocal entertainment--"I'm so glad
to meet you here, Captain Spinks-and so
GLAD you're going to take me in to dinnerr"
Captain S. is delighted) "You're about
the only man in the room my husband isn't
likely to be jealous of" Captain Spinks de-
light is no longer unmixed. Punch.
When the philanthropic nobleman, Lord
Shaitesbury, the "Lion of Exeter Hail." re-
Gently entered public meeting, Mr.. Spur
gean said to him: II am very glad indeed
to meet you, my lord, and l have one re-
quest to make of your lordship. 1t is that
your lordship will be good enough to keep
out Of heaven as long as it may be person
silly convenient for you to do So"
Enter little girl crying. and running to
her mamma, who tries in vain to pacify
her. Between the sobs she hears that
Georgia Lippincott has been calling her
wee one names, and her feelings have been
hurt. "What did he call yon darlingT
"He-he-cslled me a female, and L know
its something horrid, and I'm not going to
play with Georgia Lippincott any more"
At a recent meeting of the Unitarian
Club, in Boston, President Eliot related an
amusing anecdote of two honOred Professors
of Yale, one OF whom, he said, is long of
speech, the other concise and pithy. The
two were taking walk spiced with CONVEX
saticn one day, when they were met by
friend, who greeted them with this
paraphress of Bible text: "Day unto
Dwight uttereth speech; Dwight unto Day
showeth knowledge"
An amusing story is told of the successful
courtship of the late Astronomer Royal,
and how it began. A friend had asked:
"Have YOU ever observed Miss KS eyes2
They have the principle of double refrac-
tom This struck the philosopher as odd,
and he expressed wish TO see them, and to
CALL At the end of his visit ne begged per-
mission to call sgsin, to observe the lady's
ewes in q better light, and at last found the
problem was one which it would take life
time to study-and he married her.
1t is said in the patent Office reports that
patents were granted last week to women.
That is as it should be. We have thought
for years that women ought to have been
patented, and are glad that it has been done
finally. They are the greatest invention of
Al al nd ic int1lO 70
think of fortunes being made on the inven-
ton of mouse-traps, tobacco boxes, sewing
machines and breech-loading firearms,
when there is no patent on women, the
great labor-saving sewing-mschine and gen
orally useful article. The party who has
got patent on women has got fortune, as
no person who enjoys the society of the pat
ent will kick on paying royalty. Now
let the newly patented article vote and it is
ali right-Peck's Sun.
About twenty-five years ago there pre-
sided over one of the eastern circuits of In
diana Judge whose ignorance of the law
was most profound. Hewas dubbed "OlG
Necessity by the younger members. of the
bar, because, they said, necessity knows no
law" On one occasion, at the close of a
long and learned argument on q demurrer,
he delivered himself of the following impair
tial decision: "In the opinion of the Court, y
drawing himself forward upon his desk, and
trying TO look very vs5se-"In the opinion
of the Court, either proposition would be
equally preferable. "-Americsa Law Mags-
zine.
A good old preacher of'khe Methodist
persuasion officiated one day 81 a funeral in
Massachusetts, and at the close mad 8 word
of inquiry and advice, as is the local CUSTOM,
with many of the audience Among others
he approached lady, stranger to him
who was visiting in the nsighborhood, ant
after shaking hands, asked her IL she was Oh
the way to heaven. YES" she promptly
answered "ani if YOU come that way
should be pleased to hare you call" Th'
good old man, horriaed at such seeming
levity, turned away without reply, when
friend, sitting near, demonstrated with Mrs
--, who, still more horrihed at her mis-
take, said she understood him to ask if sh
was on her way to Hudson, where sh
lived.
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