The Osceola times., 1882-06-03
Iowa Girls at AuctI,n.
Das Molnes Register

For new schemes Of raising money,
church sociables are and always have
been peculiar. To attain this end hey
will countenance even the less harmful
plans of Satan and pronounce them gool.
The church treasury, which ought alwayh
to be full, but which sometimes becomes
30 mournfully empty, must be replenish
ed, and after the ordinary means OF fill
ing II are tried and fail, other means are
resorted to, among which are mentioned
grab bags, kissing games, where the cash
value of the oscillation is governed al
most entirely by the personal charms OF
the female osculator, and festivals where
it costs 10 cents 10 get in and any num-
ber of times that amount OF dollars to get
out; and various other schemes which en-
trap the masculine victim who shivers
with delight while the game goes on. but
denounces himself in unmeasured terms
for a qualified idiot on the following day
when reason resumes its seat, and the
full force of his diminished pocket-book
is felt.
Up at Clear Lake, that center of sum.
mer pleasure parties and Sabbath school
associations in Iowa, the churches be
came tired OF these old stereotyped plans
of raising money, and new scheme was
evolved from the inner consciousness OF
some bright genius The treasury Of the
Congreeationalist church became rather
bare, and so the young folks got together
and determined to fill it even to over
flow. After prolonged discussion II
was decided to bring about the desired
end by putting all the girls Of the church
up at auction to be disposed of to the
highest bidder. The time came around
and every young man in or near CleaI
Lake who had any money or could possi
bly, borrow any, was promptly on hand
eager to bid TO the fullest extent. But
there were some of the girls on whom it
would have been impossible to obtain the
bid of an old fashioned copper cent, while
there were others for whom the love sick
sv aims would willingly have bid their
last dollar, and in the spirit of Artemus
Ward. the last dollar of any of their rel
atives. So to give all the boys an equal
chance, the girls were wrapped up in
sheets, 80 rs to be completely unrecog-
nizable. Each young man was positive
that beneath the snowy folds Of the
sheet he could discern the outline Of the
girl on whom he dotted, and when from
fifteen to twenty OF the young fellows
singled out one particular sheeted object
on which to stake their fortunes, excite
ment ran high and money ran ont of
pock ct. books like water down slanting
roof
After all the fair ones were disposed of,
the order was given to haul up sheets,
and then ensued an indescribablescene OF
mingled happiness and disappointment.
Maidens who had been purchased for a
mere song, owing to q lack of bidders,
turned out to be the best looking girls in
the town, while beings whose sylph-like
appearance under sheet excited the
greatest admiration, and drew hard earn
ed money from unwilling pocket books,
were found to be the most commonplace
creatures, indeed. But all made the best
of it, and the disappointed ones bore
themselves bravely. Altogether, the plan
was great success; and as long as church
es will raise money by lottery schemes,
why not adopt this methodp 1t is as
harmless, and yet as productive OF as
much good to the participants, as any
game of chance we know of. ltgives the
homely girls and bashful boys an equal
chance with their respective opposltes,
besides resulting in grand financial
success, and we look for its general adop-
ton. To be sure, it is asking good deal
of modest, womanly, refined girls. But
then church sociables are always doing
that