Middletown transcript., 1882-03-31
In TrOnhle.

One of our intelligent compositors has
got us in trouble. Last week we wrote
that we had gone into the Citizens Ma
tional Bank to draw out $40 for spending
money, and the intelligent compositor
thought he knew more about our financial
condition than we did, and set it up
"S1O,OOO." That's what got US in trouble.
People who know us and who read the
item were surprised; but they were not
more surprised than we were. Some of
our friends thought rich uncle in Ireland
had bequeathed us an unincunbered po-
tato patch and we had received the pro-
ceeds of the first crop. Others thought
there was SOME mistake about the item;
and that's what we thought. 1t seemed
to us that our wealth was over rated So, 800,
or figures to that effect. And yet there
are readers Of the TRANSCRIPT, mostly in
distant lands, who do not know us per-
sonally, and who have never witnessed
some of our grand financial efforts to
make a trade dollar with hole in it pay
off four hands for six days work, and
buy the weeks supply Of turnips, and
have enough left to pay for shave and
pint of peanuts. A man who can succeed
in doing this ought to be made Secretary
of the Treasury. Do not understand us
that we are an applicant for that office.
We have never succeeded. We have only
tried. Well, some of these people who
have not seen us attempt this or some
similar financial feat, have been misled by
this So, 900 blunder of the intelligent COM
positor, and, therefore, we are in trouble.
They seem to think we are rolling in
wealth, as it were. They write to us as
though we were small edition of jay
Gould, bound in gold, or a retired plumb
er. The cry of d" help comes to us DER
and DER. An Iowa man writes us for a
loan of 81, 900 to send his mother-in-law to
New Zealand for her health. A benevo-
lent rooster in New York wants US to sub
scribe $1,000 to found society to furnish
wigs to Indian Peace Commissioners. a
young man in New Jersey writes us that
he would like to get married but times
are hard and he has nothing but good
looks and a strong, reliable appetite. He
wants us to loan him 81, 900 to take him and
his bride on a wedding tour, as she posi-
lively refuses to have him without a guar
antee of the tour. The society in which
she has heen wont to move expects it.
A young married man in Virginia makes
only a modest request. He wants to bor-
row SIS to buy baby carriage for coming
events which cast their shadows, etc. We
have already had offers of 162 orphan
children for adoption, and thirty-two
young men have asked us by
letter to furnish them with funds to go
West and start a bank each. Another has
that we send him to college at
our expense, as well as furnish him with
the necessary outfit of books, stationery,
pocket flask. We have a peach basket
full of applications for help, similar to the
above and yet the returns are not all in.
We answer all here collectively by saying
that we are not a millionaire by about
1896, ,997. .85. Our hard-earned accumula-
tions is but a feeble fund for the great and
worthy causes to which we are solicited to
contribute. Our experience Of a week
has been worrying but it has brought its
lesson. We can now appreciate the trials
Of the wealthy. We have had a large
share of their troubles, but none of their |
solid comforts. We know now why so |
many millionaires sigh to be poor again
with good appetite, a clear conscience
bringing sound sleep = envying even
those who have nothing but an unincum-
Dered interest in yellow dog. Reviewing
,ur experience Of the past week we are
glad that fate destined us for only coun-
Try editor.