Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1882-08-09

waterfalls" she broke In angrily, "let's
talk about the wedding. Now, the idea
of those McGoverns sending me then
old, battered ice pitcher replated. Why,
it was down right insult, and then
those" And as they disappeared in
the glen every now and then came waf.
ted on the breeze, Secondhand clock, u
"Ought to be ashamed" ''Mean old
thing" Looked like a fright" $50
there" "An your fault" etc, etc.
| Shan'i take a Blue Pill.
| No, don't take it and run the risk O.
mercuried poisons, but when bilious and
constipsted get a package of the celebrated
kidRey- Wort and it will speedily cure
you. 1t is natures great remedy for con-
stipstion, and for all kidney and liver
dideases. 1t acts promptly on these great
organs and SO restores health, strength aud
vigor. 1t is put up in liquid and dry
form, both acting with equal efficiency.
| Price 81. See adv.
SHE won the wager: req Flasher and
Miss Florentla Flounce were discussing
the mental power of controlling thought
Said Flasher: 81 will give you pair of
gloves if you can think of positively
nothing for five minutes and still be
awake" "Done," she responded. Five
minutes passed. 'I've won the gloves!"
she exclaimed. "Hew did you manage
to think of nothing for the whole five
minItes?" he ssked eagerly. II fas-
tened my mind firmly on your mustache
and kept it there" she replied, trIum
phantly. The referee awarded her the
gloves.
RECIPE for making the average author:
Take such facts as you have in the house
and mix with twenty gallons of guah
and twaddle for each fact and boil down
one-half Then add of classical allu-
sions. threadbare stories and ubiquitous
anecdotes ten parts each, and serve in a
greasy coat and bald head. Sote pre-
fer to send to the table in curl parers,
trieed with hairpins; but in this Ease the
sauce must not be forgotten and little
politico-poetic characterization is also
a great improvement.
POSTAL item: SIS dis heah letter all
right, boss?" asked an Austin darkey,
handing the clerk letter he wanted to
send off in the mail. The clerk weighed
the letter and returned it, saying; "You
want to put another stamp on 1t. 1t
weighs too much" ''Ef puts another
stamp on de letter, dat won't make hit
no lighter. OATS gwine ter make it
weigh more.
LANDLORD and tenant: How much
reLt do you pay?' asked Gilhooly of
Hostetter McFinnis. twenty-five dol
lars" Isn't that little high for place
ike Austin q "Yes il is little high for
summer; but the place has good stout
cedar fence around 1t and | calculate to
save forty dollars this winter in firewood,
so that will bring the rent down to a
reasonable figure"
1t seems impossible that remedy made
of such common, simple plauts as Hops,
BucAu, Mandrake, Dindelion, Sc should
make SO many and ehch great cures as
Hop Bitters do but when old and young,
rich and peOr, pastor art doctor, lawyer
and e,iitr, all testify Z 5aving been cured
by them, you must believe and try them
yourself. and doubt no longer.
4 GOOD send-off: ''yes. sir" said
Kentucky son, Il did the square thing
by the old man. just before they
screwed the lid on his coffin, | put four
aces up his sleeve so he wouldn't be at
disadvantage when Gabriel gives Us
corret solo"
''Is there any gold bearing quartz in
this region?' asked a prospectOr Of a
man standing in the door of a lonely
saloon IN the Black Hills. NO" was
the reply, ''but there are plenty OF quarts
around here that don't hold much over
a pint
"NIoLET. dearest, DO you play that
tune often?' askeI Hugh Montressor Of |
his affianced. Yes, net, and when We
are married III play it all the time. "
Then Hugh went out and shuddered |
himself to death.
SAID Tom: ''Since / have been abroad |
I've taken so much veal that I'm ashamed |
to look a calf in the face" Il s'pose.
SIR, then, said wag, "you contrive to |
shave without a glass.
NEGETISE -Tae great success of the |
hegeIine a. clea1s-r and purifier Of the /
blood IS shown beyond doubt by the |
great numbers who have taken it, and re-
celyed immediate relief, with such remark
able cures.
IT is a great deal better to save one
poor drunkard from the Consequences Of
his guilt than II pore over obscure pas-
iages Of Scripture to find out when the
Sorld Will come 10 an end.
NOTHING eleyates a man so much as
iisinierestedgood will We, forexampIe.
no I hearth " wish that every man in the
world had half 4 million and We our-
Ielyes a mill on.
"WELL. I'll be bound. " as the man
emarked when he heard quoted the
me, "Chains Of gold are fetters still.
ARE You lost, my little fellow
sked a young gentleman II a ( Jur-ve.r-
I'D. NO he sobbed. IN reply. '.b-but
n-my mother Is"
Is the East a man thinks lac Is serving
he Lord when be trades i.is wife for an
-, sells the ass for what he can get.
nd goes on pilgrimage TO Mecca.
You don't seem 10 relish Vt this
lornng. said a woald-be w4g to Foote.
You havn't tired me yet, 90 was the cruel
eply.
4 HOLLOW mockep -Eeho.
Treatment y Disease Ly Oslf Lo0r
.ge-M0rs raiionGl Opiniaas arr grsau-
~ making ibeif Way. and. 10 0ne paftie
iaf II lessf, beginning is being made of
revolution, namely, the sYsie Of treat
ieBi fpiOsed IA climatic ssBsiafiuins.
bd embellishments fr M cure Of d.seafe !,
= ar. cifereues ~ elrTaiion, eie- Tie ,