News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-07-20
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
"A Patriotic Appeal-EIder T0ots to
the Front, Etc.
From the Detroit Free press l

| INC front, ETC,
[From the Detroit Free Press
" Be patriotic" began the old man az
Pickles Smith swallowed a trunk-key
which he had been holding in his mouth
to cure Dyspepsia" be patriotic, but
doan' emagine dat all de odder patriots
am dead an buried. I like man who
speaks well of his kentry, but it worries
me when see him carryin' dat kentry
on his back. Be patriotic, but find out
fust what patriotism means. Dis kentry
fought fur her liberty. Put dat in your
hat. Liberty in dis kentry eber since
has been as nigh sham as a circus wild
out menagerie, clown or performers.
Put dat in your pipe. We fout England
to unite de States. Den we turned
arOun' an fout each odder to dissolve
'em. We whoop and hurrah for our
soldiers, but we gin the fat Offices to
our relashuns who didn't go to war. A
general who lost battle am all 0. z. if
he kin run political party. A general
who won one am forgotten in y ar if
he doan' vote the right ticket. In one
breath we tiatter ourselves dat we have
de greatest statesman on airth, an in
de next we convict 'em of todyism, ne
potism, placehuntin' an stealin', We
weep ober de orphans made by war, an
den turn about an howl bekase dey am
granted pitiful penshuns. We poke fun
at our navy, an yet refuse to vote
money to strengthen it. We want de
Injun licked out of his butes, an yet We
sell him the means to lick us.
"De man who sots out to be patriot
must go slow, or he will be taken for a
lunatic instead. It's a great country,
but de taxpayers have to foot de bill.
It's republic of free speech, but you
mus agree wild the big guns or you will
be sOt down as crank. We fiatter our
selves dat we've am thought some
pumpkins by European powers, an yet
we select as our representatives abroad
sich men as am played out at homa.
We talk about de pauper labor of
Europe, an yet we have two county
houses to her one. We rap the Gar of
Russia for his Tyranny, an yet we sub
NIT to laws an practices, an rappin's
from policemen, an arrests without
warrants, and customs which would
send de Russian into war of rebellion.
We despise titles, and yet toady to de
rich. We warn kings dat their days am
short, an den steal our Presidents or
shoot 'em into power.
"Be patriotic, my frens, but doan'
shoot off a hull battery of artillery to
call yer dog when a whistle will do iist
as we'll. Let us now enter upon de
business which has eliminated us to-
geder'"
ELDER TooTs AT THE FRONT.
During the last two or three meetings
Elder Toots has managed to keep awake
aaos5 oE sLo Tune oy Keeping p piece of
ice on his head and permitting the
melting stream to trickle down the back
Of his neck, but on this occasion he had
slept sweetly for twenty minutes, when
he suddenly rose and offered the follow
ing resolution
".ReSolved, Dat dis club do hereby
express its sympathy fur de cause of
liberty in Cuba"
During the deep silence which fol-
lowed the reading of the above, Prof.
High Strung Smith was plainly heard
chewing slippery elm, and sudden
sneeze from Gen. Overworked johnson
ratified along the ceiling and brought
down hundreds of small pieces of
plaster.
g Brudder Toots, what do you know
bout Cuha?" asked the President.
"Nufin', sab" 1
"What do you know bout de cause
of liberty ?"
Muffin"
"Who axed you to present dat reso-
lushun p
"Judge GalIipolee Thompson, sah.' -
"Brudder Toots, you go out and
soak de back of your neck in cold tea !
You has been made fool of You are
a purity middlin' average ole nIgger,
but de mo- you sleep while present at
our meetin's de mo- benefit you will de-
rive from de purceedin's. AS fur you,
Brudder Thompson, you are hereby
fined nine hundred dollars and costs fur
disruptin' de reg'lar purceeding. I may
add at dis time dat de costs am about
TO- hundred dollars"
The Judge fell to the floor in dead
faint, but was Immediately drawn out
of the hall by the left leg, and business
went right on.
HE'S A FRAUD.
A letter from city Official of Irwin
ton, Ga, made inquiry if Pickles Smith
had been sent down there to canvass
for subscriptions to raise the funds to