Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-08-13
Seaside NutsAncea.
Rosknn HiIninu Globe.

When the city Is blistering with heat or
sweltering in the sickness OF dog days,
the wise man takes his vacation and his
yalise and searches for cool place, by the
sad sea waves, where he may lie lazily upon
the beach as the sun goes down and esthet-
ically think OF nothing at all Or busy his
brain with what pieases him, Pure pr,
change OF scene and rest are to be had at
the seashore, and il man be Of an inquis-
itSye turn of mind he may find employ
ment for his guessing faculties In endsav.
oring to ascertain what the wild waves are
saying, with no more success, however.
than IL he were trying TO make sense out OF
the equally ceaseless gable OF the hotel
verandah. To some extent he may escape
the petty annoyance Of society by fleeing
to the coast, but there are some nuisances
which cannot be avoided wherever men
and women herd gregariously.
The summer baorder at the beach expects
to sleep upon beds stuffed with seaweed
containing periwinkles, muscles and bits
of wreckage. He makes no fuss II the fog
drives in ut his window and condenses In
glistening crystal drops upon the furniture,
or saturates his clothing with demnition
unpleasant cleanliness. Sand in his shoes
CRATES not upon his ssnsitiyeness, and the
the beetle that knocks the lamp owe rand
bumps around the room with dunderdead.
ed din, stupidity ignoring the window, and
thinking himself q much abused bug,
causes him only amusement All these
things are in the nature OF q change. and
he rather enjoys the reflection that by en-.
during them with Spartan fortitude he Is
building up his constitution and having .
free-and-easy time.
But there are many other things at the
hAa nh In - NoHt 4 IN nj
he be an old campaigner, and which fill
his soul with evaporation. There is the
family of the man who made money In the
junk business, and styles himself q retired
aealer in brio a-brac. They all dress loudly,
talk loudly and make themselves as dis.
agreeably conspicuous as dead dogfish on
the beach, by their noisy self-assertion and
vulgar ostentation. They must have the
best Of everything, and that Is not half
good enough for them, and II they can at
tract attention in no other way they abuse
the walters for the sins OF the cook. They
cannot be suppressed. The only way TO
get rid of them is 10 entice them into the
surf after q storm and let the undertow do
its duty by carrying them out to undivable
depths, where tLeir shrill ululation and
vociferous yawp may be smothered In the
intestinal convoluteness OF the hospitable
shark.
Another pestiferous nuisance In the esti-
nation of every other man at the beach 10
the young man who monopolizes the pref
tiest girl on the shore. and takes her moon
ing and spooning along the sands by day
and sits with her by night at the darkest
end Of the piazza until everybody else has
retired in disgust. He Is q drummer, OF
course, and the indignation meeting con-
vened behind the barn TO consider his case
decides that the saline deficiency In his
composition Is too prodigious TO be cured,
even by anchorage for n month ten miles
off shore.
Then there is the youth who wears o
blue shirt and belt; makes desperate ef.
forts to get sunburned; converses solely OF
"capfuls OF wind" booms aud other things
nautical; thinks he Is q navigator. and
spills people out OF dory TO exhibit his
skill in jibbng.
But the worst OF all are the shrill shriek-
ers of mangled melodies, who camp On the
piazza at an unreasonable hour and make
night bowling nightmare OF weird un.
rest for all peaceably disposed inhabitants.
Uplifting their cracked. untuneful voices
in diverse keys of horrid hoarseness, they
shrek and caterwaul through the night,
making of themselves individual nuisances
and concerted curse.
Such are few OF the drawbacks OF
season by the seashore, and such are few
of the combined elements OF unpleasant
ness which drive the conservative man TO
billiards and drink, and morning headaches
and bad temper.