Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-05
MAKING A NIGHT OF 1T.
Il Little ScltensetrhGt Had Ill the Elements
Of q SiIe-Sp!ittiag Joke.
Boston Courier

4 Little Schensetrytot Had Ill the Elements
Of q side-Sptitting Joke.
Boston Courier.]
I had been at dinner. There were lot
of good fellows there. They were dining
another good fellow, who was going away.
We dined him, we wined him. The sitting
was protracted. 1t was very damp night.
1t was humid night It was demnition
moist night.
And then as the night was hquescent,
and the star dials limited of morn, I be-
thought me of home. 1t is great thing
to have home. They say that in the
French language there is no word for
home. Home, sweet home. IT'S sweet to
hear the watch dogs honest bark. And all
that sort of thing.
But then, sometimes you don't want to
go home.
didn't want to go home. But I was
afraid to stay away. So took cab and
| my homeward route together.
When reached my stately mansion I
ditmissed the cab, and reflected. Was in
fit condition to appear at the domestic bar
that awful tribunal? I determined to
think it over. En- refechant, took walk
around the block.
for heart disease, or something like that.
Something sudden something dangerous.
| Apoplexy might do.
| But no. -! smiled sadly as I reflected
that Guiana knew me pretty we'll She was
too familiar with the symptoms of nv
projected heart disease.
i I cIv LOT
some little trouble. When within paused
again. think I see the cynical smile
upon the face of some beardless bachelor.
All, little reek ye, ye mateless ones, Of
| but no matter.
When I entered the hallway recoiled.
A man stood before me. He was tall and
ugly looking customer in the dim light.
But soon saw that I had been mistaken.
1t was only most hideous suit of Japnese
armor, which is the very apple of Zulana's
| eye.
! a bright idea struck me. Why wouldn't
it do for me to don the toggery of the de-
| funct daimaio? Thus ACQUIRED would
enter the chamber of Guiana. would sur
prise her. I would then explain. In the
midst of the laughter, the slight yet pleas
ant glow created by my little joke, my late
arrival and my hic cough would perhaps
pass unnoticed.
Happy thought.
began the task of enclosing the armor
1t was longer and more difficult than had
anticipated. How in the name of all that
is infammable those Japs ever got their
armor on without bursting blood vessel
is more than can guess.
However, at last got into the thing and
started upstairs. I trod as gently as I
could, but when entered the chamber
where Guiana lay enshrined, my helmet
prevented me from seeing distinctly.
tumbled over an ottoman, and came to the
floor with an awful crash.
1 rose with much difficulty, but had
scarcely got upon my feet when I was
startled by the most awful, the most blood
curdling shrieks ever heard in my life.
It was Guiana.
Apparently the wife of my bosom had
failed to sec the joke.
1 advanced toward her, and endeavored
to explain, but she fed from before me
even in her garments of night fled she, like
a ghost through the hallway.
d followed, entreating her to be calm.
But she only shrieked the louder.
ekWhen reached the foot of the stairs,
she had evidently fallen back for REIN
forcsments. She appeared presently
fanked by the cook and tho housemaid.
But my arrival threw them into disorder,
and they fell back.
l made short and impressive speech
from my post at the foot of the stairway.
1 did it with as much dignity as was com
Patible with my raiment. I implored
them to be calm. Already a policeman
was knocking at our portal Finally
succeeded in quieting these insane
creatures.
But had long and very elaborate
series of explanations to make. First to
the policeman. He was firmly convinced
that murder had been committed, and
that the body was secreted on the prem
lses. 1t took much time to remove this
impression from his mind, and to convince
him that my wife was sleepwalker, and
that had been to masquerade ball.
Next the servants. My ordinarily digni-
fed intercourse with them was much i'm
paired by reason of nay attire.
Last came Guiana. Twill not dwell upon
this painful scene. Suffice it to say that
what endured that night would have made
the early Christian martyrs think their tor
turs were as naught in comparison. When
thought of those whom Nero had dipped
in oil, kindled and used as torchlight
procession, I laughed bitterly.
l am still of the opinion that my little
scheme was an excellent one, and that it
had in it all the elements of side-split-
ting joke. With almost any other woman
it would have succeeded perfectly.
But am free to confess that 1 shall
never try it with her who is the present
yokemate of ZuLANo.