Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1882-06-15

Texas s.ftirp
The town goat has the run of the
town. He is not domestic in his hab-
its. He is seldom ever seen asleep.
The goat is composed mainly of horns,
hair and digestive organs When not
engaged in butting the breath out Of
some member of his owners family,
or peeling the bark of the neighbOrs'
fruit trees, be may be found standing
on an emIty beer keg, in front of the
corner grocery, gleefully chewing
wrapping paper and empty sardine
boxes. The town goat is respected
and feared by all who are acquainted
with his eccentricities of character.
He is very reliable animal. He can
be relied Oh to eat a weeks washing,
break several windows, and pursue
thirty-seyen dogs into the adjoining
yard all In one day, and not work half
the time. Policemen shoot at him,
boys try To discourage him with stones,
and housekeepers empty kettles of hot
water on him. As result of these
assaults, he usually has chips and
splinters broken on him at every curve
and angle of his anatomy, yet withal
he is cheerful and frolicscme. His
jauuty tail gives him debonair and
rakish appearance, that causes some
people to surmise that he isn't all that
he should be, but they judge him too
hastily. as people Of strong prejudices
are prone to do.
These remarks about the goat are
suggested by an incident that happened
last week to an old party named
McWhirter, who lives in Wisconsin,
and who owns goat. Old man
McWhirter lives on an oatmeal diet
and the interest of his money. On
Monday evening of last week, Mr..
McWhirter was on! in the yard feed.
ing the cow. He had taken off his
coat and laid it on the fence. In the
pocket of his coat was a morocco
pocket-book containing government
bonds to the amount of $4,000. Why
McWhirter carried the bonds in his
pocket instead of placing them in the
safe, we are not told. When he at
tended to the wants of the cow, and
, turned to get his coat, he found that
; garment lying in the mud. The
= goat had pulled it off the fence
: and now stood balancing himself on
the roof of the chicken coop. AS he
9 came within the range of McWhirter's
, vision, and a rock that the old man
! propelled in his direction, he was in
. the act of masticating what was
/ evidently The remnant of a red morocco
5 pocket-bOOk.
AS the awful and disastrous charac
. ter of the misfortune. dawncd OF
5 McWhirter, and he realized that his
' two thousand dollars in bonds were
q filed away in the digestive machinery
!. OF four dollar goat, he gave vent Il
!, his feelings in a yell that sounded liks
the wall of pair of bagpipes leading
a funeral procession; and with dismay
: in every feature and three-tined hay
e fork in his hand, he went for thai
{ goat. The goat decided not to wait
r for him. He did not tarry, but proceed
I ed-with CELEBRITY and buoyancy thai
d was miraculous in four-legged animal
! to put large area of the land
e scape between himself and his owner
Q The goat went streaking down the
! street, the irrascible old man, coatless
P and hatless, in full cry III his wake
: AS the pageant came tearing along
e the goat bleating derisive defiance
Y and old McWhirter waving the hay
n fork in the ambient cleaning and call
r ing on the populace to "head off tina
/. $1,000 bond" pedestrians crawled u,
T on fences and hack drivers drove int
e alleys, until the procession passed
n McWhirteI fell over two baby buggies
o entangled his hay-fCrk in an alderman
/ ear, and was several times tripped VI
J., by policemen, who thought he was
z crazy man, for they couldn't under
e stand why any one could take so mucl
e absorbing interest in an ordinary goa
D. that could be bought any day at $3t
l. a dozen. McWhirter stopped not
8 neither did he stay his footsteps. bu
q after each delay increased his speed
and renewed his importunate petition
to the passers-by to stop the pirate 7
"catch the incendiary theft etc., etc
Over shrubbery IN front gardens, ant
out through backyard gates they KEEP
, on in their mad career, until at las
J the goat was cOrraled in a stable.
< butcher was sent for, and, under in
L stTuctions from McWhirter, cut tn,
. goats throat, and then pried him Oper
. with an ak. Inside him was found.a1
assortment of clothes-pins, manill;
: paper, hay, under-clothing, a Child
: shoe, and piece of q broken mirror
but there was no trace of the u. S
I bonds. McWhirter tried to swear, bu
\ emotion chOked his utterance. He di
rected the butcher to give the remains
. to the poor, and went home in hack
4 to find his pocket-book and the bonds
: in the pocket Of his coat where he haC
> left them.
"Think a Minute First"
: Harpers Magazine.