The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-09-30
WIT AND HUMOR,


hear what he does not like.
When a bad-headed man buys
buster, mohair would be most appropri-
ate
MY dear boy" wrote an Irishman
to his son, never put off till to-mor-
row what you have done to-day"
I'm going through the dark valet"
said the highwayman, as he robbed the
colored coachman.
The coat tail Irritation is the latest
A wrinkled coat tail bearing dusty toe
marks means Il have spoken to your
father
Force of habit is wonderful ANatick
man named Tucker christened his son
Daniel, and everybody makes it point
to tell the boy to get out of the way.
ut is not necessary for a man to be
poor to be honest" Certainly not. But
it seems sort o half way necessary for
man to be poor if he is honest. -
Qutz.
The Bridgeton (Me.) NewS calmly
says: "The types last week made us say
that The showers were not sufficient TO
meet the wants of milkmen,' ETC., in
stead Of 'millmen.
The farmers have made such profit
on sunhowers this season that they are
praying that England will send over
man Of the Oscar Wilde stripe to make
mullens and burdocks fashionable for
button-hole bouquets
Does our talk disturb you?" said one
of a company of talkative ladies to an
old gentleman sitting in railroad sta
ton the other afternoon. mo, ma am"
was the naive reply, i've been married
nigh on to forty years"
ALLOW me to be your BEAU" said a
gentleman, placing his umbrella in a
shower Thank you. I've plenty of
fair weather beaux; so | suppose must
call you my rain-beau," she replied
archly,
An old citizen, returning to his home
from banquet, meets another old citi-
zen coming from the opposite direction
"Ish thish the avenue?" asked No. /.
How should / knowP Iwash at the
banquet myself"
German workman-"Yaas, it it drue
some of mein countrymen drink moch
bier, but it is not strong and does not
make dem dronk." British workman
mo? Then what the dooce is the use
o them-a -drinkin' of itP'
You made fool of me-" said an ir-
ate man to his wife. my love-" she
sweetly responded, "you do yourself in
Justice Cali yourself fool if you wish,
but remember you are in all respects
self-made man."
You are now one" said the minister
to the happy pair he had just tied to-
gether with knot they never could I'M
do. (Which. oneP" asked the BRIDE
you will have to settle that for your
selves" said the clergyman.
An old mser, who was notorious for
seli-denial, was one day asked why he
was so thin, II do not know" said the
miser. Il have tried various means for
getting fatter, but without success, ~
Have you tried victuals" inquired a
friend
"It's my last resort, my last resort, )"
murmured dejected-looking individual
as he braced himself against n lamp
post last night. What is thatp' in
CURED II sympathetic bystander. -
"Home" was the mournful reply, "home,
sweet home"
A Vermonter has invented water
telescope with which he claims he can
see five-cent piece in forty feet of the
water. But the blasted telescope does
MT bring coin up; so seeing il is only
an aggravation, and we don't want any
such instrument Boston Post.
"The white wonder of her arms is too
divinely perfect for anything of mere
flesh and blood, and that she is but the
beathc phantom of some delicious
dream chiselled into glorious trangibil-
ity by some old masters cunning hand. -"
The above was written by Boston
youth about Adelaide Detchon, the act
ress. His mother has been sent for and
At last accounts he vas improving.