The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-11-05

IVY TRAXELER.
 CLERICAL cAcHINNATIoN. ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.
 Somehow staid. sober. religious people can enjoy a good scandal if the object is a deacon in some other church than their own.-L0:peR C!h-e..
 \ SUBSTITUTE FOR CHURCH LOTTERIES.
 4 Milwaukee congregation have de cided after long debate that church lotteries are wicked They aill therefore continue ,o rely for funds, on pew rents and beer fes,ivals.-PIlk1deLoh!a Af4-S. HE RooKLYN NCHCRCH-GoER'S INQUIRY.
 \ Brooklyn mar TO longer asks another. or Sunday morning Are you going ,o church 7" The query now is :: :. Are you gong 10 hear stump speech this morning :-.tort:sf6-4U HfraHd. CONTENTS CT \ CINCINNATI CoNTRIRU-
 HON BON.
 4 contribution box passed among a Cincinnati audience captured. among other things. plug oftobacco and three beer tickets. The people of that city canno, lose consciousness of their secular concerns even in church.-Lnhty-O Ofean. ENULATiNG STURGEON IN THIS eoUN-
 TRY.
 In MT. Spurgeon's church the regular hearers absent themselves one Sunday evening every three months, and the house is given up 10 strangers. But in many parishes in this country the same thing is done every Sunday evening" E.rrhangf.
 DANCE MUSIC NOT INTENDED FOR DEA-
 CONS.
 Dance music IS not permitted in a church No one wants to see good dea- con go waiting up the middle aisle with a contribution box for partner. The deacon should have funeral tread as if carrying on, the body after the eulogy.- .Ns.,, OyltaAs P;tarnnt.
 A CUIICRTp CLERG1AiAN'S QroTA-
 HONS.
 \ Washington clergyman shouted out the names of several brands of cham paign under the impression that h.s con gregation would take them for Latin quot ations. and three deacons gave away their knowledge of drinks by getting indignant. BoStoH Posf.
 SHORT SERMONS ERoM POOR PREACH
 FRS.
 \ Boston theologist thinks that e5 min utes is time enough for the bes, preachers 10 say their sermons. and wants the time cut down one-half for thesFoorer ones. That's all very pretty, but where's the man who will risk his life by selecting the poorer ones .-PoS.
 or COURSE CHRISTIANS CAN HAVE FUN. Talmage has an article in one of the November magazines on the question :. Ought Christians 10 have any fun: But while there are such queer divines as Talmage around il IS about impossible to discover how christians and other folks can help having some fun. un.-Pa:hidsiphia CkyonifI.
 THE PROPER COIN FOR THE -eaNTRlEt-
 HON BOX.
 The fact that lightning struck contri- button plate which a deacon was passing in a western church the other day con- veys very important lesson. Never put pennies in q contribution plate. Copper Is dangerously good conductor. Gold. silver. or bank bills are safer.-Dyakc's Da.'eltrs' -Kaga-ine.
 THE KIND or SERMONS 4 CANDID MAN
 WANTS.
 " If you don; like my sermons. pray wha, kind do you like!" said petulant minister to an over-eandid parishioner. Well" was the reply, like the kind that drives a man into the corner of his pew and makes him think the devil is after him. When you preach like that shall be converted. " lonke,s Ga-ehs. WHAT THE BIBLE TELLS rs NOT TO DO. \ colored stree, preacher cried out: An what does de Bible say? De Bible says dat you mustn', tell lies," .'Yes." retored from the crowd darkey girl three feet high. an de Bible says you mustn', be so fresh" This unexpected remark was so relished by the audience that the preacher for time was quite at a loss how to go on. and when he recov, cred himself he seemed to proceed but feebly.-t nkno.en 1naniaS.
 POLITICS AND RELIGION IN CINCINNATI In his lecture the other evening the Rev. Dr. Talmage. of Brooklyn, said; The first question asked me when 1 ar rived in Cincinnati this week was; who is going to be the next governor of New York State The first question asked a Philadelphia minister on his arrival in Cincinnati. was: How is your church work progressing ?'' Cincinnati people are evidently polite enough to adapt their conversation to their guests.-Neps. WESTERN DONNIE DEVELOPS A
 PATENT.
 An Iowa clergyman has invented new chicken roost protector. He has ranged abou, his hen-house Is5 hives of herS When the chicken thief aDpYoaches