Smyrna times., 1882-04-26


stewart X Co failed on accoun, Of in-iew
dicious management
Inc Gar coronation Will cost = 0,o
-:''ther high price to pay fer the fun Of
putting on crown and dodging bombs
Jumbo tackles kindly to whl,k, ami
onions and the Boston Po,' think, Their.
nor"ason why he shouldn't join TAlnm.n,
Hall
ToNa~ preacher supply prisoners IN Ill
wlh manuscript sermons to read durip.
their leisure hour That ri.h, 500 el
tuuln.
Does not The command. Tuos ,a.a.
not bear false witness apply 10 funeral
or2tion- and tombstone iu,crIp.,,..
well a. to trading hvr~-..
Connecticut iu~rire i waAtn- u. o.
ally begin, II look a, if The Male,
murder trial might come 10 -on..,t.n..
before all the principal witnesses dr II
old agc
Ma9amc Judic hu- decided no. TO come
to America until after tue rubli, b,- re-
covered from the effects Of O-car Wilde
and Jumbo. ltdon'J 10 tu ha,, u.s.. .rar..
curiositic- Al once
Potatoes are now % largely .mI ,r,ed
from Ireland thai in order 10 Distinguish
the toreign tron the native product il the
market they are respectively called Ir.-s
potat"re and Irish American rotatoc-
Ia addition 10 the lars, uuml.cr o.
monkeys constantly b,in. imported
hundreds are born in our geological gar
deus and mcnascrir- every year Tin
monkeys must 20 They work Tor uo,a.u.
and can't vote.
; \ Western circus man oiTrr, the mo,nrr
| OF Jesse James a large salary 10 travel and
r exhibit herself Next thing We know the
: New York sensational werhGr- VIII be
getting up tcn-crnt subscriptions Tor he
e widow ct Jesse james
When clerk comes TO his desk Al,ou, :
| o'clock in the morning now he dvr- not
+ get dockcd, because the propri, l,r takes
y it for granted that his faithful cmpluye
q had herring for breakfast aud that tue
# delay is therGior- excu-ablc
4 \ Brooklyn girl says suicide i. worse
u E.4I Il IN -
# thlmg-it is like going to party without
an invitation. We think, howeye- that it
is very unlike going TO a party without an
invitation, for the suicide Is sure ofa warm
reception.
IS A New York man claims tia, he IA.
" married spirit bride" the nup,i4l
e knot having been tied by spirit cler-
). gyman. He knew what he WAS abOaI
l. That kind Oi wife wont need month
If at summer resort aud new dress Tor
II every meal
"a An aurora boreals in the sPrins-time =
said to presage cool summer. The sane
is said also OF a Gomez. A. We have both
this year, the icemen VINO have raised
a their prices are welcome TO all the comfort
r cool nights aud refreshing breezes nav
Ii bring them.
Six members of 4 Methodist church il
y New York State withdrew from the
m church because the minister went upon
$. the scafIOld and told a murderer that be
h.d only to repent to go to heaven.
g They believed in their hearts that the
le minister lied.
id Yes" she said: Ny husband has
b. treated me brItally. bNt I'll be revengrd :
NJ Ill begin cleaning house AT once, and he II
4 sleep in 4 room with the carpet up and
le loose tacks on the cold floor he'll wade
Id through clouds of dust and he'll eat his
ly meals Oil the top of the ice chest in the
woodshed for ten days"
- A. T. Stewart used to keep sharp eye
n on his army of clerks, and il he thOnght
$ ny of them were living hsyOnd their sal
lt ary he dismissed them. One day ROiicing
n n clerk with big diamond in his shirt
i front he told him never 10 show his face
ID there again. Stewart was q smart
merchant, but he never could have kept =
u. hotel.
+ The Record wants some one 10 invest =
C. winter just cold enough for ice and not
ne too cold for peaches. That is not bad
III idea, and while about it they might as well
IL get up a summer just cool enough 10 70
ne without ice yet not irigid enough for coal
IL or plumbing. There would then be some
o. chance for honest men to keep out Of the
aImshouse.
Is 1t was a bright youth in Iowa who re
OF Gently applied for marriage license and
TX forgot his sweetheart's name. lie had
Isl called her TOct -sy-wOOtsy" so long that
ne he'd come to think she hadRt any other
ch name. That's what an Iowa uaA always
IN calls his girl till they have bsen married
y some time. Then she is addressed as
"old woman. Boston Post.
ly -
~ Kid gloves are now made OF rat skins.
er If you have a pair of kid gloves that YOU
* wish to test, set them on q table with :
an piece of cheese. Ifthey don't attack the
cheese they are either real kid or the "a
Il L. eli