davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
THE PATENT CATApuLT.
A Boy Who Wanted 60 Surprise His Father
and Who succeeded.


A Connecticut man is never happy unless
he is inventing something Even the chill
dren have fancy for the business. Last
winter a Connecticut farmers boy visited
Barnum's circus, and saw the catapult. II
suggested TO him a tramp bouncer to be
set under q mans doorstep, and he at once
went to work to build one. As he wanted
to surprise his father he kept the matter
secret, and worked like beaver in the hay
loft of the great barn, building the machine.
Finally he got it done. 1t was magnificent
machine, worked by spring capable of
throwing 100 pounds a distance of thirty
feet This machine he buried in the hay
until he should be ready to test IT, Something
possessed the farmers hired man to go up
in that hay loft the next day, and he con
trived to get right on the footboard Of the
machine and was slung whirling across the
barn into half filed bay of hay on the OPP
posite side. Alighting on the hay saved him
from serious injury, but not from surprise.
He didn't expect any such experience, and
was not at all pleased with it. Neither did
he understand it and, as $500 wouldn't
have induced him to go on that hay-loft
again, he didn't find out what threw him
And fear of ridicnle prevented his mention
ing il. That night two tramps tried TO sleep
in that hay loft, and gave it up as bad job,
after sad experience. They had crawled
into the hay, and were getting themselves
fixed when one got foul Of the machine,
and Immediately his companion heard a
whiz, and calls for help from the other side
ofthe barn. He arose to goto his companion,
and went there quicker than he expected.
He found his friend very curious to know
what tossed him and somewhat scared. The
way those tramps fled from that barn was a
caution. The next day, while all the folks
were away on visit, the LAD got the ma
chine down and set it under the front door
step. Temporarily, he attached the wire
that set it going to the door bell.
When the folks returned they all stood on
the doorstep and the old man rang the bell.
With so much weight the machine couldn't
throw them far, but 1t rose up enough to
dump them. The old man was the first
to get up. He sprang once more ON the
step and rang violently. He wasn't very
big man, and it seemed as though the Lord
had put that snowdrift, forty feet away, just
on purpose to catch him. They got him
out, and, filled with terror, wentin the back
way There they told the story and the
boy explained, and the old man ran him out
and stood him on the machine six times,
and lie butted that snowdrift all to pieces
He will not patent the machine, believing
It Is too cruel thing for these enlightened
days. - Boston Post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
cUTTLEFrsH,


The arms or " feet of the. cuttlefsh
demand somewhat detailed mention, on
account of their armature- In all cuttlefsh,
save the exceptional pearly nautilus, the
arms are either eight or ten in number, and
are provided with acetaba1c, or suckers
Those cuttles in which 10 arms are present
and OF these the squids and seplas form
good examples7-haye two of these appen-
dages produced beyond the remaining eight
IN length. The suckers" which constitute
q most noteworthy armament of the arms
are borne on short stalks in the ten-armed
cuttlefishes, but are unstalked in the eight
armed species. Each sucker exhibits all the
structures incidental to an apparatus adapt
e 20 secure effective and instantaneous ad-
heslon e any surface, II consists Of horny
o. cartiiaginous cup. within which are mus
cular HIRES converging toward its centre,
where they form weildefned plug or pis-
ton. ny the withdrawal Of this plug par
tai vacuum Is produced and the suckers
adhere py atmospheric pressure 70 the sur
race on winch they are placed. The suckar
IS released by the projection of the plug aud
BY the consequent destruction of the yacu-
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
LONDON HOTEL LIFE.
Experience OF American Travellers In the
English Metropolis.

English sIe,ronal,s.
l
upon arriving in London porter seizes
your yailse and PUSHES OF with 1t to the lag
gage car, where you pick out your trunk. 1t
DOESN'T make any difference which one you
select II youar quick about it.. The rail-
way company gives no checks, but is re.
sponsible to passengers for baggage lost
through the Vaccinations OF thieves. And
thief would not be obliged to machinate
muen IN order to get away with the trunks
OF English passengers, When the tourists
trunk mas been picked ont the porter takes
II and HOSTS 1t to the top of a four-wheeler,
twenty-five cents you pay him as the cab
rolls away. drive OF mile, or even of
TWO miles, costs quarter only, which, con-
sidefhg that the streets OF London are so
crooked that no one but the eabman can
md the way with any degree of certainty,
Is cheap. when you arrive at your hotel
another porter takes your luggage and
wheeis 1t IN. Through little window,
wmch opens on hinge, one sees the hotel
clerk, ehe IL lowering female, who an
swers you Sharply, II she answers at all. She
hands out a ht'ie acket, on winch the num-
D., y yoaa soon. - M.,'.en neu = young
A.A, e','NN - 'eA -, "n' !. u,ps9 s'i.'
~ - e - - i,ie
-. - moaa.. $500 ..elA' '''ne
- -, - ;. - II ~, anu p.''on :,
~ -, s,.' 'e' ~ '''o A''''
-, oNe. .'''' eono !"
80 ".o 'ss'' ana i.,oe''sa.e' nut
80 .'''''' .'.a. '''o i.o" ,'s Written ~
~ 80. sn,,e'y NV. i,on
~ WV '''e 10 n'' "i'''un A. '"o'
Dy 'l". =" w, 49,, p''1'1to .no w
pS''s - Wy S' '", ino
80 ',9'ss. % .oe"sseo W 'io e'eVa'oi'
- - III, ,ae 80 e'e" .ns s.ea' i.vn
800 'ee-' $50, '"'s ~. 'ne A,y' puii'
49, l.S $50 ",'I '.9". "n'' nv. NO psS-
80. $50 ,o - so "t''l ,oe''t-
s n,' ,sp' w S '.'' o,o'asoi @noi 10
oe',,'s . iis "0" '''9 ee,''na''on rs ieaon7
sle ~, .a.n N.Y. "l, .no
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
MARKET AGE OF LonsrRRs.

GA lobsterman," the Captain continued,
after the interruption had ceased, I" is more
afraid of heavy gale than sailor, by a
good sight. He's not afraid of being wreck
ed himself, but he don't want to lose his
traps. They may be in 80 fathoms of water
but # the sea gets heavy HEN feel it. I've
seen streaks of shore after big storm where
! might have counted 300 trips, and not
half tried. They get washed away, you see.
No, the lobstermen don't lose their traps.
Each man puts his private mark on his traps.
and nobody disturbs them. But he has to
go along the shore and pick them up. If
the wind happens to be blowing OH shore he
Is very likely to lose some Of his traps.
Stay down anchored with stones Wen.
you see, the trouble is, o heavy wash comes
along and rolls the trap over on its side,
The stones break through the stats and IN
she comes. A full-grown lobster weighs
from pound and a half to twelve pounds.
They have caught 10 and is FOUNDERS, but
they're scarce as hens teeth. To be at to
eat q lobster ought to measure, without the
claws, from l to feet in length. There is
such demand for them, though, and so
many are taken, that I0@ inches without
regard to the weight, is about the average.
That has been made standard size among
the dealers. The average size of Holsters
caught is smaller now than it was a few
years ago on account of the large number of
men engaged in the business. And the
profits have decreased quite as much as the
size of the birds Time was when q man
could make $4 or So day clustering If he
had good ground. But them times is
gone. A lobsterman has to put in good
days work nowadays to make even 81.
They are slow-growing creatures, and it
don't do to kill them of too fast. They
don't grow up in single season, like what
you-call-'ems, and then die. They live to q
fat old age if left alone. When You see one
two foot long, and weighing 10 pounds, you
may make up your mind he's 80 year old.
I'll tell you when you'll see see one that big !;
when them cast-iron dogs in front Of the
Sub-Treasury begins to bark But It is no
uncommon thing for lobster to live To be
20 years old. When they once get to be 10
FOUNDERS they are big enough to keepolf all
sorts of enemies except lobster-traps. They
tell us about IL pound Holsters, these sci
entific market men. If they should see
such thing once they'd think the devil
fish was after them sure, s'pose you know
that Holsters are always black before they're
billed. The shell don't grow ii drops of
every spring and new one comes on. The
new shells size is according to the size of the
lobster-big lobster, big shell; little lobster,
little shell. The first shedding of the shell
is said to be when the bird is about 6 years
old. This may be true and it maynt; I
don't know. When q lobster is three years
old he is not generally more than inches
long. When he is years old he is rarely
more than G inches in length. They are not
worth catching till they are years old
While he is shedding his shell the lobster
has no means of defense from his many enc.
mics, SO ne goes and hides himself among
the rocks
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
UPPER MICHIGAN.

Mining regions are proverbially barren
and rocky, and the upper peninsula of Mich
igan-at least that portion of it which is pro-
ductive of iron and copper--forms no ex-
ception TO this rule. 1t is old-older than
most of our hills, for it is the first land that
was attached to the original Laurentian nu-
cleus about which our continent has been
formed. 1t has, in consequence, always
been favorite field for geological study,
and its novel industrial features make it no
less interesting to the ordinary traveller.
The face of the country is rugged and
scanned and worn. Were it not for its
mineral wealth it would remain permanent
ly wilderness. Lumber companies would
invade it here and there and return after
having robbed the forest of its pine which is
found in few scattered patches. 1t would
be an eddy where the stream of migration
had left few Indians and woodsmen TO
subsist by the methods of primitive life.
The land is generally valueless from tho
farmers point Of view, for the soilisa light
drift--too light for wheat-- and thswinter 4
season modified by q season OF summer
weather too short for Indian corn to ripsn
Hay, oats, and potatoes yield the farmers a
fair return, but the climate sorigorons that
the securing of shelter and fuel calls for SO
large an amount Of energy that little is left to
devote to cultivation. 1t isa proof Of this
that very inconsiderable fraction Of the
population attempts TO subcist by farming,
alfhot,oh The freiohf from, Cbiedoosis af1dcul
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
POETRY.
our RAILROADS.

He stood in the station, she by his side
tShe is fair young biushing bridel,
on their honeymoon they're starting now;
Railways follows the maffia&e vows.
He looked at the nafin2 railroad maps,
At the train Of cars and his baggage traps,
And whispers /" Petite, how shall we GO
BY the Kankakee or Kokomo7
"These railroad maps confuse the eye;
There's the G. B. Q. and the r. Ny,
And this one says your LIES atstake
On any road but the Sky Blue Lake.
The N. Z. r. L. P. @. j.
Have sleepers ON the entire way;
But I've heard these trains are much more SLOW
Than the Kankakee and Kokomo.
she murnured. " sweetie, i've heard pa soy
What q fine old road IS the p q. K;
But manima seems to disagree, -
Ard prefers the x. s. II OsP. 49,
Thischart says, baby, the views are fine
On the Texas Cowboy Mustang line;
But still perhaps, we'd better 90
By the Kankakee or the Kokomo."
A conductor CHANGED TO pass them by,
And the bridegroom caught his gentle eye;
He said, " Oh man, with cap OF blue
Inform me quick, inform me true,
Which road is best for blushing, pure, III
l.
And tell us quickly what you know go
OF the Kankakee Or the Kokomo, = 9 W
The conductors eyes gave savage CLEAN,
These words rolled out In d limpid stream;
"There's the A. B. J. d. RE-.
Connects with the Flip Flap Biff- Bang-B,
You can change on the Legion Sueville Grand
And go through on the Pan-cake-Ace Full Hanl
That road you name is blocked by snow ~
Z tThe Kankakee and the Kokomol..
1.-THE Pennsylvania Pittsburg Through,
Connects with the Oshkosh Kalamazoo,
With smoking car all the afternoon,
Just the thing for honeymoon;
And the Central Scalp Tooth Bungville-switch
Goes through a vine-clad country rich.
or the road you named nothing know,
The Kankakee and the Kokomo."
The bride said: "Baby, tits best by far,
Like the dollar, we return to pa.
CHATS pun heard while ona train
On the u. r. N. g. Jersey main.)n
The conductor smiled: his eye-teeth showed
He had spoiled the trade OF rival road.
He knew in his heart there was no snow
On the Kankakee or the Kokomo.
And the bride and groom returned to pa,
Who heard 1t all and then said, Pshawl
lfyou found you couldn't go that way,
Why didn't you go on the Cross-eyed- Bay 2"
The bridegroom gave howl OF pain;
The railroad names had turned his brain.
lie raves insane forever more;
In mad-house, chained unto the floor,
He gibbers "Tootsie, shall we go
BY the Kankakee or the Kokomo ~
Dramatic Times
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
WAYS OF PET SQUIRRELS.

Some time ago Bennington man set up
private geological establshmentin anunoc-
cupied upper room of his house. He had
a bouncing big gray squirrel, tiny dog
weighing % pounds, some half-grown cats,
screech owl, and several robins. He turned
them loose in the room and they lived
peaceably together for several months. One
day the man went up to the room to feed
his pets He found the robins in frag-
ments, wing here and leg there. The
owl was dead and his feathers strewn over
the floor; the dog was shivering in one
corner of the room, and the cats had crawled
under a low bench. The squirrel was com
plete master of the premises More recently
the same gentleman had pair of gray SPUR
rels, which he had kept in cage To give
them more liberty he took them to an up
per room, opened the cage and left them
alone. In few hours he went up again
and found that they had destroyed the sash
of the four windows of the room by chipping
off the t" parting-strips clear down to the
glass, some of the splinters being six inches
long. Another Bennington man was chop
ping wood on Mount Anthony. He cut
down dead stump, which crumbled when
it struck the ground, and exposed six flying
squirrels that were stunned by the shock.
In half minute he had them all in his din
ner-pail. He sold pair of them to neigh
Dor, who put them in bird-cage. The
next morning they were gone; they had
squeezed through the wires in some way.
He bought another pair and put them in
stronger cage. and was as successful as
Peter, the Pumpkin-eater, with his wife, for
"there he kept them very we'll" Several
weeks later his wife took from her wardrobe
valuable silk Dress and was shocked to
find it ruined 1t was in shreds, and good
deal of the fabric gone. search resulted
in finding splendid nest of silk under
bureau. 1t was occupied by the pets that
had escaped.
.tF4rl4 = .fff=ls
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

ONE OF NATURES FREAKs.--A gentleman
who lives near Blacksburg, Va, called ut
our Office on Monday and gave 70 us an in
tereating account Of most wonderful lamb,
born on his farm few days since. The
lamb, he says, has its heart on the outside
of its body where L may be seen throbbing
and FACILITATING as normally as il it were in
It's proper place. The lamb apparently
swooned away upon his laying his hand up
on its heart, and when the hand was remov-
ed the lamb recovered again. The gentle
man who tells this is John Brown, Jr., Of
Roanoke, reliable and truthful farmer
BEachsburg Nesos.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

WoRrH IT'S Cosr.--A man in Chester
county Pa, has paid 1925 and costsof pros
ecution for thrashing lawyer in his Office,
but he says the amusement was worth every
cent Of It.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

1,.,n 5st.sf ~ - - =
N'. "s, $500.
IT,. ,,,;. La ', ."pS we ~ pus S''la n,i,'
aand ho.nooa l,,,..a;a1s NJ.
.,ord hsr ,,a,tr, 'aasa,, as 10 .,'as SrN !,
aioaq' nef pailry money makes her worse. !"
And wh;s Miss s.s sss ., as sn,'a,sS
dor ,ha roo;s,or J., h,'s,,sa Cd sa..,a.
ona It. Is '''~,' ',''''e,
,aArs Wa ,ot. 90 ..;s .,,a s.a;so ,,,ana
for breath, aNog consin C1saronaIla not =
@Tha CT. - n
aoo-tro, coll ~ ne ,a',.,,;. -. s.'' Wy ~
ao,a CT. = -, -, - -. -, a..
Squire, wiplng his brow, Little I giri, to
Sarepta, "bring me glass of cold water.
wouldn't offend her for anything--no just
now, while she's got money to leavel"
Squirrel said Mrs..Settle warningly
Come, honor among thieves" said the
Squire. Would we any of us trouble to
come to Old Seedy's kettle-druln here if she
hadn't inherited old Miser Clapp's savings p
'sI shouldn't, I know, said Miss Louisa
Field. /" If she wasn't stngier than the old
miser himself she'd divide her i'll gotten
gains with us ALL I've no patience with such
selfshness and greed %
"Ah ~ said Mrs. Speakaloud, "we're all
miserable sinners. take us at cur best.
And--An W g eA ~ -
"No, we're not" piped up Sarepta the
bound girl. And you've none of you, no
business to ialk SO of Miss Seedyi She
amt selfish, nor she amt greedy. And she's
awful GOOD to mel And I like her, So
there now u 68E ,s
Mrs. Speakaloud plared at the bound GIRL.
"Impudeut little hussy I" said she; "leaye
this room Immediately p
And. with one accord the relations fell
verbally on sarepta. But at the same in.
slant the register by the hearth was lifted
ont of its box, and the disheyeled puffs Of
Miss Cedronella Clapp's front hair appeared,
fclloved bv the rest NJ her v;saoe
ssDon,t scold sarenta. y said Misa seedv
who had climbed ON an old table and TINS
nr.ac;n;fated herself nnexpectadlv into thei,
society .sIet somebody come around and
unbolt the door at the head Of the cellar
stair and LET me ont I'm fasfened down ,
"a pear csa,one,,, ~ screo,naa Mrs M;ng-
don chow dreaaful " n
Ms sneaLalond made a n,,,nox n tba
head and sboulders Of Miss cedronella as II
she would have pu,led her bodily through
thas rao;sfer, Init Miss c,arn.5 d;sa ,,,aaysd
;ust q -t;,,a and ,,yasan,lv sn,,serad 6 ~
narlor i little crumnled and cot,webbv. 10
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

A lawyer Is about the only man that
ever made anything by opposing wo
mans viii. - Yonksrs Gazette,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

1t takes just three people to keep a
secret properly, but two of the three
must be dead.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

How sorry some people are for fanlts
which they will commit again next month.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

THE hackmen Of Niagara wouldn't raise
purse Of $25 for man who wanted to see
II he could 60 over the falls and come out
alive. II he came out alive they couldn't
rob the body Philadelphia CAfonick.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
MONEY SAVED.
NOTICE !!

Having large stock of instru-
ments on hand, and being about to
place some new styles upon the mar
ket, we propose to offer the balance
of our present stock of low-priced
Organs at considerable reduction
FOR CASH until May LIST.
Dealers about purchasing for
Spring Trade will do well to write
as for prices.
Geo. Woods & Co.,
Manufacturers of
Upright Pianos
Parlor Organs,
Cambridgeport, Mass.
March %. 1ss2.-4w
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

The Arabic for cat is "gitt.' That is
often the English of it, too.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

New Jersey supports over 5000 rum
SELLERS. 10
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
SELECTED SKETCH.
THAT GIRL SAREPTA."

"Where is that girl Sarepta2o said Miss
Cedronella Clapp, ordinarily known in the
best society of Pigeon Hollow as Miss
seedy!" What can possibly have become
of herr As true as live, she's behind the
wardrobe in the best chamber reading Pc
yeril of the Peak now. of all times in the
world, when I'm going to have kettie-drum
at five o'clock, with all my relatives invited,
and there's everything to do, and no time to
do it I'M Well, neverl'
Fortunately Sarepta, the bound girl, had
a deer-like quickness of motion or she would
certainly have been thrown off her balance
by the box that Miss seedy aimed at her
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

AttOrmeyS-at.Ln
SOUTHEAST COR. BRIDGE AND tNf0E SEss
aLAMBERTvILLE, N. J.
Collections and all legal business Entrusted TO
our care will receive prompt and faithful atten~
tion.
e. A. SKILLMAN, q. I'll. SKILLMAN,
Co.sasettof-af- Law 44aoraeg-af-Laap.
July 2, 1879.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

4
For those dainty and high priced Injuries,
mo ordinary wild fruit, gathered from
mountain pastures, but great scarlet ssJu-
cundas, raised under glass, and worth their
weight--or nearly as much, lin silver, had
been placed on the cellar shelf to retain
crisp GOODNESS until the very hast.
Miss Seedy peered rather obviously around
the mouldy recesses of the cellar when she
found herself there. She had only rented
the house since May, and she didn't like
damp and black beetles, SO she had kept
constantly out of the cellar, as general
thing. There were shelves and bins there,
and cupboartis, oddly constructed out of wire
gauze, and big rusty heater in the corner,
which was in winter by way of furnace to
heat the parlor and directly over her head
was the register itself, through whose half
closed valves dim ray of light poured down
from the upper world She could almost
have Ieached it by putting up her arm if
she had been inclined for such gymnastic
exercises But she wasn't She took the
dish of strawberries, and made haste up the
stairs again. But the door was seant, and
she couldn't open it. Mrs Stockton, her
predecessor, had entertained dread of burg
lars, and the burglar-bolt had somehow slid
on the other side of the cellar door And
here was Miss Seedy penned neatly in, like
an elderly canary in a very rusty and mouldy
cage
LET me outl" squeeked she, no
body heard, and hurrying down stairs
again, she set her strawberries on the shelf,
and sat down to consider what was best to
be done.
just then she heard footsteps and voices
overhead, sounding with perilous distinct
ness 80 80
eve are early" said Mrs Mingdon.
The old cat isn't down yet"
'All the better, ma, said Mary Alice.
Dear me, what shabby furniture! If
was rich I'd have things decent But rich
people are always mean. Cousin Seedy is
anyhow.
"Hush-sh my dear" said Mrs. Ming.
don. Only play your cards well, and all
win be yours one day Dear mel Mrs.
speakaloud so happy to see you, Where
is your husbandY'
Miss Seedy could plainly hear the putting
breath of Mrs. Speakaloud, who was portly
and asthmatic, as she entered.
He has got company" said she. He
isacoming presently. He thinks Il very ar
rogant Of this purse-proud old maid to ex-
pect him to come here an hour earlier than
anybody else's tea-time. Five o'clock, in
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
WALTER f. HAYHURS1,

ANtOEnCy ~da~x@AhW.
SOLICITOR, IND MASTER IN CHA NCER y,
oFFICE-5I NORTH UNION STREET,
LAMBERryILLE, N. j.
March 3, 1880.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07

SAMUEL E. PERRY,
AttOrney-at-Law, Solicitor,
MASTER AND EXAMINER IN GRANGER y,
AND NOTARY PUBLIC.
OfRce-In Masonic Hall (secoad aoor) Bridge
street, Lambertville, N. j.. ~ ~
April 2, 1873.