davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1882-06-09
Some New Geography.

What is an ocean ?"
"An ocean is large body of water
entirely surrounded by BritisI ship
yards and British British shipping
"What is strait (?
Three fingers of whisky without
any water in it, ~.
"What do we mean by latitude
permitting an office holder to rol
the people and get into Canada with
his swag.'
What course would an American
steamer take in going from New York
to Liverpool ?"
Don't know. 1t has been so long
since one tried that she would prob
ably ably bring up i'll San Francisco,
What is navy
"A choice collection of three OF
four old hulks which cah be cut down
or built up whenever an appropriation
offers a chance to steal"
What are our principal imports
from Russia ?"
"Nihilists and canards.'
W hat are our principal exports tc
South America ?"
wooden headed ministers"
What is a gulf 2"
1.-The distance between the average
hotel clerk and the guest who wants
front room on the second floor"
"Where are the principal whaling
grounds of the world 2"
I'm the district schoolhouses OF
America ?"
What is the climate of Ireland p
Red-hot, and growing hotter ev.
cry day"
"In going from New York to San
Francisco by water, what capes dc
you pass"
"Wouldn't go by water. Editors
always have passes to go by rail"
Where does our best coffee come
from ?"
"From the grocery"
"What is an absolute monarchy p
"It is a system of government
under which one man does all the
bossing and keeps his eye out fol
cold poison, torpedoes, powder mines
and pistol balls"
"What is a limited monarchy ?"
"a system of government under
which the people pay the expenses
and the ruler has all the fun"
What is republic 2"
"A sort of orphan asylum for
criminals"
THAT will do for the present. You
can take your seats and see which
one of you can discover the correct
answer to: What celebrated navi-
gator invented the sin sling 2"
, 1882-06-09
Chapped Hands.

Chapped hands are sometimes real
ly quite an affiiction, and always an
annoyance. The tendency to them is
caused by deficiency in the oil, which
is constantly being poured out on the
surface, for the purpose of keeping
the skin soft and supple.
This lubricating oil must not be con-
founded with perspiration, which is
waste matter eliminated from the
blood. The former Is secreted by
minute glands inbedded in the true
skin (cutis Uerd) which is situated be-
meath the scarf-sbin, or epidermis
This scarf-skin is very thin and
transparent, and has very little vital
ity, having neither blood-vessels nor
nerves. 1t needs constant oiling to
keep it from cracking When sound,
it protects, not only the nerves and
vessels of the true skin, but, to some
extent, the whole body. For, thin as
it is, it prevents the absorption of
harmless substances.
1t is for this reason that, in vaccina-
ton, the vaccine matter must be in
serted beneath it, where it is readily
taken up and diffused through the
system. When the scarfskin is
chafed, or scratched, or other wise
broken, various kinds of poison, often
resulting fatally, may be readily alb
sorbed, as in the case of physicians
opening abcesses, or conducting a
post-mortem examination.
Now this is a point we wish to en-
phasize, viz, when ones hands are
chapped, he is always more or less
liable to absorb poisonous matter into
his system the handling, say, of
putrid meat, or ir the washing of
clothes from sick room, or dressing
some foul sore.
When the surface oil is deficient, it
is apt to be washed Oft, especially with
warm water, faster than it is secreted.
But the difficulty is greatly increased
by the alkali (soda or potash) of the
soap, which not only takes up the oil
but actually eats through the epider,
mis-.
The best help for chapped hands is,
having washed them thoroughly be
fore retiring, to rub them over with
mutton tallow and wear through the
night a pair of easy-setting leather
gloves. Persons in whom the tend
ency to chap is not so strong, may
keep their hands in condition by an
occasional resort to this treatment -
Arthm's Magazine.
, 1882-06-09
Jesse James Mother.

An exchange says that "the James
boys had a morose and ugly dispo-
sition" This may be regarded as au-
thentic. The James boys were not
only morose, but they were at times
irritable, Jesse James at different
times killed over fifty men. This
would show that he must have been
soTed by some great sorrow No
man who is healthy, and full Of ami
nal spirits, could kill the able bodied
voters of whole village unless he
felt cross and taciturn naturally.
There should have been Il post NOR
ten1 examination of Mr. James to de
termine what the matter was with
him. We were in favor of a post
mOrtem examination of Mr.. James
twelve years ago, but there seemed to
be feeling of reluctance on the part
of the authorities about holding it.
No one seemed to doubt the propri-
ETY. of such a movement, but there
was a kind of vague hesitation by the
proper officials on account of his
mother. There has been a vast
amount of thoughtfulness manifested
by the Missouri people on behalf of
Jesse's mother. For nearly twenty
years they have put off the post NOR
tenn examination of Mr.. James, be-
cause they knew that his mother
would feel wretched and gloomy
when she saw her son with his vitals
IL one market basket, and his verte-
bra in another. Detective Pinker-
ton was the most considerate. AT
first he said he would hold an autop-
sy on Mr.. James right away, but it
consumed so much time holding au-
topsies on his detectives that he post
poned Jesse's post mOrtem for long
time. He also hoped that after the
lapse of years maybe MIR. James
would become enfeebled so that he
could steal up behind him some night
and stun him with Chicago pie, but
Jesse seemed vigorous up to late
date, and out of respect for his aged
mother the Chicago sleuth hounds of
justice have spared him. Detectives
are sometimes considered hard-heart-
ed and unloving in their natures, but
this is not the case. Very few Of
them can bear to witness the she'd
ding of blood, especially their own
blood. Sometimes they find it neces-
sary to kill a man in order to restore
peace to the country, but they very
rarely kill man like James. Still
there are lots of mean, unthinking
people who do not give detectives
credit for this.-BiU Nye's Boom
erdng.
, 1882-06-09

MANY people kill themselves in
order to make living. They have
others depending upon their efforts,
and cannot afford to remain idle
long enough to enjoy a much-needed
rest; they work both night and day;
and so go on and on until, poor
wretches! they die in harness,
and the people for whose sake
they denied themselves all the
joys of life live without them
very comfortably. No human be
ing should thus sacrifice himself
for others. He should have some
mercy ON himself, and hesitate be-
fore he engages in the night-work
which must eventually sap away his
life; for sleep, as we all know, is
food to the nerves; in other words.
is only during sleep that the nerves
can rest and readjust the balance of
their functions, disturbed by the
wear and tear of waking hours. II
this balance be lost-and lost it is in
the long run even by the strongest
who sin against natures law as re-
CARDS sleep-a very distressful condi-
ton of the whole system is the inevi-
table result, a condition which may
be cured by complete rest and relax
alton, and a return to more regular
and consistent habits of life, but
which ends only too often in prema-
ture old age and early death. Pro,
fessional men, literary men, artists
and students, are very frequently the
victims Of nervous exhaustion, pro.
duced through the evil habit of turn.
ing night into day. For / maintain
that good and health giving sleep can
only be obtained during the silent
hours of the night 1t may be
averred, however, that the very best
brain-work can also be performed al
night / doubt it, for the body of q
healty man is always more fresh in
the morning and his mind more
light and cheerful. He is then in
the best state to do good work without
extra wear and tear of brain and
nervous tissues, There is no disease
so insidious, nor when fully devel.
oped so difficult to cure, as that spe,
cies of nervous degeneration or ex
haustion produced by night-worb
and long hours. The symptoms OF
nervous prostration are exceedingly
painful; we can afford to pity even
the man of pleasure, who has by his
own foolish conduct induced them
but much more so the brain worker
who has been burning the midnight
oil in the honest endeavor to support
a wife and family with responsibility
in life. He has made mistake fol-
which he must pay dearly unless il
is quickly remedied
, 1882-06-09
Quality of Eggs,
have recently seen inquiries and

have recently seen inquiries and
answers in your paper in regard to
the cause and remedy for light vel
low yelks of eggs. Evidently, the
kind of food has some effect upon the
color Of the yelk, as it does also upon
the richness of the egg, which is not
always indicated by the color of the
yelk. But the different breeds of
fowls give different tints of color to
the yelks, as well as to the shells of
their eggs, the shells varying, as is
we'll known, from snowy white to
chocolate, the darkest shells generally
indicating the darkest yelks. The
cause of the different tinting of the
shells of eggs, either of hens or of
the different kinds of fowls and birds,
has not been discovered, and that
of the coloring of the yelks can hard
ly be said to have been fully ascer-
tanned.
The difference in flavor of the eggs
of the different breeds of hens is a
matter of fact which few people ap-
preciate, although it is as distinct as
the difference in flavor of the differ
ent kinds of potatoes, and may be
varied to some extent by the kind of
food although the dark color of the
shell almost invariably indicates the
rank egg flavor, while the most deli
cate flavor is found with white or
slightly tinted shells. The everyday
layers seldom produce as rich eggs
as those which lay every second day;
and for Matching the latter are by far
the best in point of strong shells,
fertility and strength of chickens.
These advantages can also be varied
by feeding and other influences, the
most natural conditions of feed, ex-
ercise, etc, producing the best results.
1t is the tUhites of the eggs that gen
orally determine their richness (al-
though the pastry cook tells us the
slight yellow yelks do not color
cakes and custards sufficiently to
make them look rich,') and the kinds
of feed which stimulate hens to pro
duce the greatest number of eggs are
the most deficient in the albumen
which constitutes their richness, not
only making the yelks light yellow,
but the whites wately.
The food value Of an egg can be
easily tested by breaking it into
water just before boiling heat If
the white draws up around the yelk,
and covers it thickly, the egg is rich
in albumen; but if the white spreads
through the water in stringy lines,
leaving the yelk uncovered, or slight
ly covered, the egg is proportionately
poor, though the yelk be ever so dark
in color. Feeding hens broken
boiled lobster shells will make the
yelks of the eggs dark color at any
season, and there is no kind of shell
producing substance which they more
crave or more eagerly eat.-B. II. K.
In Country Gentleman.
, 1882-06-09
A Costly Book.

The Sunderland copy of the MAJ
arin Bible, recently sold by auction,
brought $4,000. An enormous sum
of money this to pay for a single
volume. In the eyes of biblioma-
MACS the price paid was not exces-
siye indeed, in their estimation, no
figure paid for rare volume can
possibly be extravagant. In the case
of this particular Bible, it really
possesses intrinsic merits to recon-
mend it to all intelligent appreciators
of what is choice and interesting in
photography and Typography, for it is
the first printed book with u date,
the first book printed with nova
BILE type, and the first Bible printed.
Further, it is an admirable copy on
vellum, in excellent preservation, and
in the original binding. Very seldom
has rare book so many intrinsic
qualities to recommend it to all in
telligent book collectors. In this
connection it may be remembered that
a Mazarin Bible was sold last year
for E4,000; that was also printed on
vellum. A Mazarin Bible printed on
paper changed hands at the same
sale for $4,000. There We're rarer
books in the famous Sunderland Lii
brary than the vellum Mazarin Bible
that realized lower prices, showing
that mere rarity no longer governs
gatherers of priceless books. Vol
umes, to possess a very high money
value, must have a historical inter
est attached to them, be marvels OF
old-time topographic skill, or rich in
illumination from the hands Of the
most patient and painstaking book
illustrators that the world has prob
ably ever produced-PreSs NetcS.
, 1882-06-09

Mr.. PETERSON, the inventor of a
new type composing and distributing
machine, publishes the following &C
count respecting his apparatus: "The
machine contains only a sufficient
number of types to set up any de-
sired line, and with spaces so ar
ranged that, in locking the line-an
operation requiring but the turning
of screw-it is justified automatic
ally, all words being mathematically
the same distance apart from each
other. Each line is distributed al
most simultaneously by simply press
ing on lever. The types are used
only to produce impressions in a
mold, from which electrotye or ste
reotype plates are cast in the usual
manner, impressions being taken, of
every consecutive line, until page or
column has been completed. The
mould is moved automatically for
each impression to produce the prop
er distance between the lines, which
may be regulated from solid" to any
desired distance apart. This machine
is operated by manipulating keys
at speed of about 200types minute
Allowing for the time required fol
making corrections or producing i'm
pressions, q good operator should be
able to set land distribute) about 5000
ems an hour." Press Netcs.
, 1882-06-09

CAMELs are gradually disappearing
from Russia and Siberia. Some
thirty years ago there were enormous
herds Of these animals on the steppes
in the government of Ufa, and es-
pecially in the valley of the Dema.
This valley was formerly almost
covered by herds of camels left com
pletely free during the summer by
their masters. Now, however, their
number has so dwindled down that
in some parts of the province they
are extremely rare, In the valley OF
the Dema. instead of 500 or more
there were five or six years ago barely
220 are left.
, 1882-06-09
SeQ1sce(lsQtttb.
The Merry, Merry Picnic,

The origin of the picnic is shroud-
ed in the same misty gloom OF the
earlier ages which envelops the birth
of Anna Dickinson and the mystery
of William Patterson's assailant.
Professor Rawlins3n, pondering the
weary, hopeless expression of the
Egyptian mummies, has believed
that the Ptolemy boys and Mary
Sphinx, and the rest of the Sunday
School, used to excurt once in while
and 90 ont to Cheops and dance peg
top waltzes all the afternoon, while
the elders strolled off to quiet hooks
in the woods to indulge in quiet med
itations and seven-up, with fortified
lemonade as wager. Professor
Huxley, however, and Dr. Townsend,
the archeologist of the Cull, regard
the origin of the recreation as some
what earlier, basing their theory up
on the fact that S. J. Tilden has been
heard to remark that he went to pic
MICS when he was a boy, and the fact
that the story of the primal genesis
of mankind, as told in the Scriptures,
fulfills all the requirements Of the
modern picnic, in the shape of snakes,
apples and things, and was probably
the first venture of the kind on rec
ord
There is nothing in the world so
gloomy as picnic, except some other
picnic, but there is no other place in
the world where you can get so much
dust and bugs, and poison oak, and
indigestion for the money. We
knew man, who, while attending
the funeral of his only wife, burst in
to a shout of sudden laughter, and
would have been cut dead by all her
relatives if he had not explained that
he had been to two picnics the week
before and the change was too much
for his feelings. The rules for pic
mic are, first, to appoint committee.
The committees duty is first to select
spot in natures untrodden wilds
where the poison oak blossoms in the
wild, careless luxuriance OF the trop-
les, and the ear-wig and the dapper-
bug and the exploring roach and the
friendly flea thrive in the lusty vigor
of untrammeled naturalness. Then
the committee pack lot Of ice so
that it will be sure to melt on the
way down, and invest judiciously in
side of ham leather, whole incuba
tor of adamantine eggs, some poultry
tough enough to stand the climate,
and sparse sprinkling of dried lem
ons, not forgetting a noise manu-
factory in the shape of four Dutch
horn blowers and a fiddle scraper.
Then everybody and his wife and
children put on straw hats and go
there, and when the perspiration
coming out of the pores meets the
dust coming in and they stop half
way and make mud pies of them
selves, and the mosquitoes and poi
son oak spread their tiny bushes
over the cuticle, and soggy cake and
moist biscuit scatter death and desc
lation over the scene, and the coffee
ASHAMED of its suToundings) hides
itself under ground and all Nature
is enjoying itself, then it is the time
for the band to quit swearing and
strike up the funeral march while
the committee give thanks that they
have done their penance and are re-
leased from suffering for whole
long year. -,
There are some people who like
picnics. In fact there are people
who are proud of a carbuncle.-The
Wasp
, 1882-06-09

The literary pretender is known to
every one. He appears in two guises,
first as a writer, second as a criticiser
of the writings of others. AS a
writer of both prose and verse he is
familiarly known o journalists, whose
editorial waste basket he heaps with
poems on topics once interesting, but
now monotonous with repetition, and
with prose essays similar in subject,
and so like in style that the one class
of compositions cannot be distln-
guished from the other except for
certain arbitrary divisions into lines,
the constant recurrence OF capital
letters, and an ambling movement OF
phraseology which Shakespeare aptly
stigmatizes as 'the butter woman's
rate to market These pretenders
are usually male sophomores and
young ladies in the upper seminary
classes, but the delusion is not limited
to persons whose youth can be allowed
as an excuse for an offense that might
well be deemed capital. The belief
in ones own ability to write poetry is
an hallucination common to women
of all ages, and often seen in men in
whom there appears no other sign OF
insanity. 1t must be very human
weakness, since journalists occasion
ally lapse into rhyme, and now and
then publish volumes which their
intimate friends tell them have the
aroma of song upon them, or are di-
vinely inspired, and of whose authors,
not knowing their favorite tIIpple,
charitable critics say they have drunk
deep from the spring of Mount He'll
con. The contemporary rhymster,
not having the genius OF Otway,
Savage. Chatterton, or Keats, cannot
die such tragic death, but his life
is often saddened by being made the
butt of the newspaper humorist, which
is an awful Judgment, and he is some,
times hastily elected from an editorial
sanctum. which is in the nature OF a
rnde shock and terrible awakening.
Altogether the poetical pretender,
after the first efflorescence of his
Youthful vanity, meets with many
trials. and is rather the subject of pity
than of derision. Chronicle.
, 1882-06-09
The Right way to Preach.

Hon. Gilbert De La Matyr in clos
ing his great political speech at the
Court House at this place on March
%, said that he was criticised by the
secular press, because of his advo-
cacy OF greenbackism, and because
he dld not confne himself to the
pnlpit and forsake the rostrum. He
illustrated his position by telling the
following incident from his expe-
rience
Il was on the battlefield of Get
tysburg six days and six nights,
About the middle of the week. | was
roaming around about midnight
with my lamp and some soothing
medicine in my hand, guided by the
groans of men, going from one to
another, adjusting their clothes,
taking sticks out from under men
where they had lain for hours and
days | heard cry in the distance,
and finally made out the cry of
water. l hasteded to the spot and
found confederate boy not more
than seventeen. / shall never for
get that face as the light of my lamp
fell upon it, %, chaplain, give me
water = If had followed the teach
ings Of this preacher, should have
sat down by his side and said: NV
dear boy, what you want is not water,
it is Christ. / am Christian minis
ter and it is my business to teach
Ghrist and him crucifed and not
have anything to do with political or
secular affairs. Instead of that
took my cup, ran to a stream not
thirty feet away, the murmuring Of
which could be heard, and steadied
him till he slipped the last drop. He
said: 20, chaplain, you will never
know how that water has blessed me ?
l gave the poor boy all the water he
wanted, took the sticks from under
him, adjusted his saturated and stiff
fened garments and fixed pillow Of
leaves on which to rest his head.
After had done this I gave him
some soothing medicine, provided
for men in this condition. Then I
knelt down by his side and put my
hand on his feverish brow, and said
My dear boy, / wish l could do more
for you. 1t is hard to lie suffering
here in the woods He said Home!
home Oh, my poor mother ? with
tone that made me curse war from
the very depths of my soul. i said
to him Your mother cannot come
to you but there is One who loves
you more than a mother. And /
talked to him of the love of Christ
and he drank in every word as he had
the water. That, in my Judgment, is
the way to preach Christ Lift up
the masses. Take the children out
of the filth and corruption take
them away from these influences
while their spiritual natures are
more elastic than the polished plate
of the artist that takes the human
countenance by the touch of sunbeam
pencils. Bring them under the pow
er of Christian civilization, give them
taste and refinement. When this
revolution is accomplished, then the
masses will be lifted up. Every in
dustrious family will have a home
with the comforts of life. Then cul
ture will be universal. Look see
the lifting up of the race God hast
en- the grand success. y Worker.
, 1882-06-09

As SOME lady visitors were going
through a penitentiary under the
escort of superintendent, they came
to a room in which three women were
sewing. Dear me !" one of the
visitors whispered, "what vicious
looking creatures Pray, what are
they here for ?n Because they have
no other home this is our sitting
room, and they are my wife and two
daughters" blandly answered the
superintendent.
, 1882-06-09

WHAT drove you to drink 2"
asked the sympathetic ladies as they
set out the delicacies of the season
before the old hummer. Nothing
drove me to it, nothing" he re-
piled took to it naturally"
, 1882-06-09

SIRLo1N steak has gone up to thirty
cents pound, but that won't incon-
venience the families of merchants
who do not advertise. They nevor
have a sirloin steak anyhow.
, 1882-06-09

SUGAR cane cultivation has been de
veloped largely in Northwestern Utah
recently, because the syrups which
have been brought from the East are
often inferior to the home product.
, 1882-06-09

THE Missouri law making gambling
a felony has been declared invalid by
the courts
, 1882-06-09

TALK is cheap-unless a lawyer
does the talking.
, 1882-06-09

CORRECT ideas are the best police
men.
, 1882-06-09

THE greatest Of all heroes is the
man who has conquered himself.