The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1882-12-20
FUNNY FELLOWS.

Meteorological: It ought to be a col,
DAY when summer gets Left New OF
leans Picayune,
Fritz cratic dog: Fritz has named hi
d99g Non sequitur, because 1t does no
fol1ow.-Ahoh. ~ ~ :,
Proof: Eyes, sir" he said "I'm Dem
ocrat, and I've got the new hat to :royt
it."-Boston Post.
Naturally bitter: There is a fight owe,
| qulnlne in the market and it is naturally
bitter one.-Lowell Courier.
A great artist: "The art that concealf
art" as the thief remarked when he slid
an expensive oil painting Under his coat
Boston Transcript.
A surgical cobblrr, slmo:c the items
IN D shoesnaket's bill presented TO az Inc.
stGn man was: "Hpels cD wife, Is cents.''
Kingston Freenans
Similarity in souhd: Professor in phy:
slcs-"Whats Boyle's Law" Dilicefit
lunilo--"Never trump your partners ace, .
Harvard Lanncon. =
An undesirable illustration Judge
what ! cannot understand is how YOU
could kill man with Il single blow .
CulRritl,"Sha,l l show you hoWY'-F File
gende Blatter. ~
Laconic: premises ali on fire! what
slall we do?, was the telegiaphic mess
sage received BY iii UttoWay man absent
from home. Put it CUT" was the reply.
Waterbury American.
Mistress and cook: Mistress to new
cook-"On Wednesdays and SATURDAYS /
shall 60 TO market with ydu.' New cook
very vel, mum; but who's agoin' to
carry the basket mum?'-Quiz.
Accuracy of expression: A family who
have recently moved into suite IF rooms
received ali elegantly worked motto last
week, which read as follows: Heaven
bless our flat.'-Boston Courier
For Democrat read Republican, Con-
slant Agony is gentleman living in
Plattsburg, n. Y. It is perhaps needless
to add that he Is married and votes the
Democratic ticket:-Haftford Courant.
Love and astronomy: Charles, dear"
she tnurfnured, as she strolled along the
other evening, and gazed Up at the lew
elled armament, (which is Venus and
which is Adonis?" York News.
The latest thing in sporting: PLAYING
football by electric light has been tried
in London without success. The PLAYERS
throw themselves by kicking at the sRad-
oWs Of other players heads.-Harvard
Herald. -.
A boss COW: W. D. Banks, of CLAYTON
c;oduty, has the boss COW. He says: '"By
dang it! man can pick her up and tote
her; then set her down and milk her.
and he can't tote the milk Henry
County (Ga.) Weekly.
Illness of the Mikado: The latest adyi-
ces from Japan report the mikado sick
OF a peculiar japanese disease called
"kakake." One suffering contributor
wonders how he "t-took the kakake."-
NorristoWn Herald.
Revenge is sweet: Eyes, sir" said the
irate man; Il got even with the clergy
man; slurred him. Why, / hired one
hundred people to attend his church and
go to sleep before he had preached five
minutes. Boston Post.
"En Passant:" what are YOU always
thinking about Ida?" .tI'm always think.
j. ing about nothing. auhtie. never
think about anything, unless I happen
to think of something TO think about."-
London Punch.
Rallying: Doctor (sotto voce to his col
league 1--WE must reduce the fever and
abate the thilst." Patient (who had
overheard)<"f you'll redooce the fever
gentlemen, I'll und't to abate the
thirst myshelf"'-Lond Punch.
Plays personifed: Sssward Carroll
Fresh, the Americana" Secretary Folger
"The FOOLS Revenge" Peter Cooler
Grip Van Winkle;;" President Arthur
The Parvenu;" "Roscoe Conkling,
"Richelieu;" Samuel J. Tlden, "Pa-
thence" Puck.
A funny verdict: The verdict of the
Coroner's jury at Tunbridge Wells on
the death ola child, was: 1.-THE child was
suttocated, but there is no evidence to
show that the sufocation was before or
after eath."-Medical and Surgical Re-
porter.
Mistaken us to the animal: A woman
lately looked at a printing press at work,
turned to her companion and in most
earnest manner inquired: "Well, Char
ley, an thems the things as writes the
papers. Bees them what they call edi-
tors ?"--Anon. ~
One-sided knowledge: One of the bows
acquainted with Fogg's frequent changes
Of abode, asked him which he thought
was the cheaper to move or pay rent.
I can't tell you, my dear boy,o replied
togg; Il have always NATURALIZATION
Transcript.
The baby's fall: Look at your shrek
I'd Mrs. Ecomi, as the nurse let the baby
over the second-foor baluster; "two in
'hes nearer the wall and that child would
nave smashed $50 statuette and The
lall lamp" And then they picked up the
,aby.-Detroit Free Press.
Plantation philosophy: De shanghish
hlcken minds me oh certain men dat
'se seed. He crows mighty loud an
orags around 'mong de hens an young
chickens, but when game rooster comes