Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-11-30

1.-Two TOLLAR ?''-There was a slight blaze
on the roof of house on Russell street a few
Jays ago, and when the insurance adjuSters
went up to make their survey they found that
about two dollars would cover all the loss
''Two tollar," exclaimed the owner of the
house when he heard the decision !; Il can't
take no two tollar.''
'sBut you see for yourself that dozen shin
giles and an hours work will make good all
damages"
sGentlemens, you doaI1' put me off like dot.
When my vhife finds dot we vhas on fire she
screams boleece and murder and falls down
sthairs. Would you let your vhife fall down
sthairs for dot sum ? If so, goes home nit
you und sees der fun"
sWe do not insure husbands and wives, but
buildings,' was the reply.
II know, but mein oldest poy heruns for der
fire-boX und falls a picket-fence oafer und
breaks his good clothes all to pieces. Two
tollar Dot doan' bay me for coming up
here.''
''Yes, but we can only pay for actual dam
ages.''
''Dot's all vhant. Who stole my dog When
my house vhas on fire ? Dot dog ish gone,
and he vhas ten tOllars wort"
''We didn't insure the dog
'Und maybe you don't insure dem poys who
sat on der fence ond called out: Dot ole
Dutchman's red nose has set his house on
fire! Do you expect take such sass like dot
for two tollar? Und When The tiremens come
here dey break mein clothes-lines down NIT der
ladders, and dey spill wasser all oafer my car
pets. Two tollar Vhell, vhell! you 60 right
avhay from here, und takes dot old insurance
bolicy und steps him into der mudt y
-%->-<---
BREAKING A WATCH CRYsrAL.-"I have
al Mr. nnbi atobi 10
great steam hammer in the rolling mill, THAT
Il good Zimmerman can break the crystal of
awatch with that thirty-ton hammer" Yes,
sir" said the Zimmerman, 1T can be done. "
II should like to see it," said Mr.. Dubious,
eagerly feeling in his watch pocket. Il can
do it, sir, ''replied the man. 'lAnd will you:'
asked Mr.. Dubious, drawing out his watch
Come, 1 am anxious to see it tried" He
laid his watch on the great anvil plate. The
hammer rose up to its full height, and the
next instant all its ponderouS weight. with a
crushing force that shook the ground for an
acre round came down on the watch. There,
SIR" said the Zimmerman quietly, eff you
don't believe that crystal is broken just stoop
down and you can see it sticking to the ham,
mer.;' Mr.. Dubious swallowed a whole pro-
cessiOn of Jumps and gasps before he could
speak. but forgot to say" he exclaimed
that it was to break the crystal without in
juring the watch" ''Oh, yes, = said the ham
merman, ''yes, / know; have heard that
rubbish myself, but it's all CANNON. l don't
believe it can be done. But you can break
the crystal every time. ."-B,rlVfoa Ho'rheye
THE FAST JUDGE AND THE SLOW JUROR.
When 1 was young man / spent several
wears in the South, residing for While at
Port Gibson, on the Mississippi River. great
deal of litigation was going on there about
that time. and it was not always an easy mat
ter to obtain jury. One day was sum
moned to act in that capacity, and repaired
to court to get excused. On my name being
called informed his Honor the Judge that l
was not freeholder, and therefore not quail
flied to serve. 81 am stopping for the time
being at this place." ':You board at the ho-
tel. presume 20 81 take my meals there but,
have rooms in another part of the town, where
I lodge" $50 you keep bachelors hall -
Yes, sir" 'How long have you lived in
that manner r?" ''About six MONTHS" II
think you are qualified" gravely remarked the
Judge, s'for I have never known a man TO
keep bachelors hall the length OF time you
name who had not dirt enough to make HIM
II freeholder. The court does not excuse you"
Iioga Agitator.
JOKES ON THE DoCToRs.-'>l've lost pa
tient," said doctor, sitting down to board
ing-house dinner-table, with a frown on his
face as dark as a gunpowder poultice: I'm
sorry to hearit Man or woman - asked one
OF the boarders. MAN, ''When did he
die!' die hang him he's not dead. He
stopped taking my medicine, got well and ran
away y withoutpaying the bill
''Well, remarked young NJ. D., Just from
college, II suppose thenext thing will be to
hunt location. and then~%ait for something
n do a
"Yes,'' said a by-stander, land iSsswon't be
long after YOU do begin until the monrinspts
will be on the patients y
a. A Young lady says that males are of no
account from the time the ladies stop kissing
them as infants till they commence kissing
them as lovers.