Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-05-18
Mampraus Repartment.

THE BEAUTY OF CHEERFULNESs.-'Dar
am sartin folkses want to keep away from,
began the old man, us the voices of the Glee
Club died away Oh the last strains of ''Sarah
James Baby" II mean dat class of people
who groan ober de wickedness OBJ de world
an who have heartaches an sorrows to peddle
aroun' de kentry at de regular market rates.
Dar' am de- ole man Turner. He comes eber to
see me now and den, but he can't sot still,
kase somebody stole his dog, or hit him wild
q brickbat, or beat him out of Seventy-tive
cents. He fully believes dat de world am
gwine to smash at de rate of fifteen miles
an hour, an it would eanemost kill him to
lose his ole wallet an find man honest huff
to return it.
s'Ds Widder Plumsel comes ober to borry
some butter for supper, and she draps down
on char an heaves sigh as big as barn
doah, an goes on to say dat dis am cold an
unfeelin' world. 'Cordin' to her toll, all men
am dishonest all woman extravagant, and
Ill chil'en just ready to come down wild
de measles. Tears run down her cheeks as
she tells how she has a work and plan while
eberybody has money to frow into Lake Erie,
an she wipes her nose on her apron as she
asserts dat dis wicked world can't STAN mo-
dan fo' weeks longer.
s'Deacon Stripes draps in to eat popcorn
wild me of Friday ebenin' an he hardly gifts
out from under his hat befo' he begins to tell
what his first wife died of, how his second
run away, how his third broke her leg by fall
lin off fence am cost him S2S. IA for doctor S
bill, an befo' he gifts frew you couldn't make
him believe but what de hull world was dead
agin him. He predicts late spring, hot
summer, poor crops, high prices, bloody war,
an goes home feelin' dat he am stoppin' on
the airth only just to accommodate somebody.
II have no sorrow of my own. I've been
nod h,,t OF la I window
I've been swindled, but dat was kase Thought
fo' queens would beat fo' aces. I've bet on
de wrong hoss I've bought lottery tickets
which didn't draw ; I've bin sick unto death,
an I've bin shot in de back wild hull brick
yard, but do not sorrow an do not ak fur
sympathy. De world am plenty good huff
fur de class of people livin' in it. Honest
men am not lonesome fur company, an honest
women am sartin to be appreciated. "-Detrod
Free Press.
AGLAss TOO MUCH.-The following story
went the rounds twenty-five or thirty years
ago, and is old enough to be new. 1t Illus
trates the embarrassment which glass too
much sometimes occasions the best OF men.
There lived in Georgia, says Col. Bradbury,
whom Burton credits with the narrative,
Circuit Judge by the name of Brown, man
of ability, of inhexible integrity, and beloved
and respected by all the legal profession. But
he had one fault. His social qualities would
lead him, despite his judgment, into occasional
excesses. In travelling the circuit it was his
habit, the night before opening court, to get
comfortably corned" In a certain county
town, one day, tough citizen was arraigned
on charge of stealing. After the clerk read
the indictment to him, he put the question:
:'Guilty or not guilty."
"Guilty, but drunk answered the prls-
Oner.
"What's that plea ?" exclaimed the Judge,
who was half doing Oh the bench.
''He pleads guilty, but says he was drunk" !"
replied the clerk.
s'What's the charge against the man ?'
SHE is indicted for grand larceny"
''What's the case 20
ssMay it please your Honor" said the prose-
cutting attorney 1.-The man is regularly IN
dicted for stealing large sum from the Co.
lumbus Hotel.''
''He is, hey and he pleads"
ssHe pleads guilty, but drunk!'
The Judge was now fully aroused.
equity, but drunk! That is a most ex-
traordinary plea. Young man, you are GER
tain you were drunk?''
eyes, SIR"
'sWhere did you get your liquor p
cat Sterritt's."
'sMr. Prosecutor" said the Judge, "do me
mans case. That liquor Of Sterritt's is mean
enough to make man do anything dirty. The
Court got drunk on it the other night and
stole all of Sterritt'S spoons Release the
prisoner, Mr.. Sheriff 1 adjourn the court"
BROTHER GARDNER ON MINsTRELs.-"I
hev bin axed," began Brother Gardner of the
Lime Kiln Club, what relashun de negro
minstrel troupe bars to de cull'd race. To re-
turn an off-hand answer, should say dat it
bars about de same relashun dat hasty pud-
dim does to $40, 900 paintin' If dar am any
relashun whatever hev neber bin able to dis
kiver it. De Guild man may dance an sing,
but he never trabbles on his ignorance, nor on
lie jokes and gags of de pas ginerashun. II
twenty cull'd men should put on wigs an
paint up to resemble twenty white men, an
sot down befo' de public and ask why an ele-
phant was like gimlet, an what was de diff
ference between clam on de sand and sand
on de clam, dey would he hOOted OFT de stage.
Yet de public will see white men diguise deir-
selves as negroes an applaud de gags an jokes
an conundrums dat de poorest African in De-
troit would be ashamed to acknowledge. If
de public bankers fur such shows, an must
hev 'em, let 'em 60 on, but don't let white
folks deceive derselves or be deceived. Con-
timer to call 'em negro minstrel shows, but
don't look fur de negro in 'em. He amt dar
He's home in de busum of his family, warmin
his feet, learnin' de chil'en to read an tellin'
de ole woman dat all flesh am grass. -
A TOBACCO SToRY.-A comical story is
told of two well-known Southern clergymen,
one of whom undertook to rebuke the other
for using the weed:
Brother Co. he exclaimed, without stop
ping to ask questions, ''is it possible that you
chew tobacco %
II must confess, do,' the other quietly re-
piled.
''Then I would quit it, sir" tie old gentle
man energetically continued. 1T is very
unclerical practice, and very uncleanly One
Tobacco Why, sir, even hog won't chew
it,
"Father c., do you chew tobacco 20 re-
sponded the amused listener.
II ? No, sir ~ he answered gruffiy, with
much indignation.
''Then, pray, which is the most like thehog,
you or 90
The old doctors fat sides shook with laugh
ter as he said: "Well, 1 have been fairly
caught this time"
The EDITOR AND THE CoMMITTEE.-One
day the editor was visited by a committee OF
villagers to urge upon him some arguments in
favor of new town pump Being an amiable
man, although it was his busiest hour, he asked
them to be seated until he had finished an ar
ticle he was writing on an application OF the
principle of ensilage to green picket fences.
While waiting they all began to talk to each
other at the very highest pitch of their voices
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