The Portland daily press., 1882-09-11
Spoopendyke as a Farmer.

"This, said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he gazed
around on his new acquisition of six acres,
''this, my dear, is what have always wanted.
A farm and farmers life are the highways to
happiness, Mrs. Spoopendyke, don't YOU think
SOP"
"It's perfectly lovely" reioiDed Mrs. Spoop
endyke. 81 was born on a farm, and was al
ways healthy, though had to go good ways
for water"
"I'll fix that my DEAR" returned Mr.. Spoop-
pendyke. ''Ill bring the water. Now where
are my agricultural reports? I must plant
right off if we are going to have crops and
when they are ripe Wen take them to mar
ket'
81 see the report says you must give your
hen chopped turnip once in while" said Mrs
Spoopendyke, putting her thumb on tho para
graph.
EITHER that or cabbages," returned her hus-
band. 81 don't know whether We'll have
caboages enough he continued, musingly.
"You must have less buckwheat," suggested
Mrs Spoopendyke. 81 would think, though,
that two acres would no enough for one hen,
and if it isn't you can buy load now and then
from the neighbor rs"
an think that over" replied Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. Here's one thing don't understand.
1t says we should test few seeds before plant
ing to make sure that they will terminate, but
it don't say how to do it"
maybe it means 10 boil Them suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke, ''or perhaps. you"
son! perhaps you think IL means to crack
'em with an AK to SEQ If they are hard!
spose you We got an idea you stick straws into
'em to see if they are donel Well, you don't;
you put acid on 'em. pil get some acid and
drop em in, and if it dscolors 'em they're no
good, and if it don't they're all right. think
we ough. to have some weevil for the pig.
81 don't know where you are going to plant
it," said Mrs. Spsopendyke, unless 1T will
grow with the buckwneat onions. You
can't put 1t in with the cabbage because the
pig and hen would tight"
sDo YOU know what weevil ISL" demanded
Mr.. Spoopendyke, glancing at his wife. Got
a notion it's some kind of weed for the pig to
smoke, haven't you? Imagine It's g1lt-edged
note paper with monogram for him to write
on don't you? Well, it isn't swallow-tail
coat or a plug hat for him to go to church in,
neither! You don't plant weevil, Mrs Spoo-
pendyke, any more than you do soap or clothes
piuS or stair rods. You puy IL In barrels, anu
I'll order some"
II think we ought to have some la,e cur
tains for the front windows" suggested Mrs
Spoopendyke, anxious to change the converse
ton.
COW, and we've got to have new arm chair
for the pig and I'm afraid those cabbages
won't do Without wet nurse" squealed Mr..
Spoopendyke. 81 suppose I've got to hire
man TO see that the meadow don't go fishing
on Sunday and upset your religious mott ons.
Oh, you're farmers wife, you are Ii had
time to write an index to you and get some
dod-gasted binder to fix you up with f1y-esf,
you'd make whole agricultural report"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot into the house
and TO bed while his wife having put all the
oil lamps into the buckets of water so they
couldn't explode during the night, fell asleep
dreaming that the cabbage patch had eloped
with the onions, while the COW and pig had
died of weevil, and the windmill had aoan-
doned agricultural pursuits and started off
through Ohio preaching the gospel