The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-02-10
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

TENNYsoN, the poet, smokes COM
mon clay pipe-two for five. Thus
proving that man can be poet and
still know what's what.
A POLICE court is a very accommodate
ing place to transact business If you
haven't the money to pay cash, the judge
generally gives you time.
An EXCHANGE inquiries, "Does hanging
prevent crime % It certainly does.
Who ever heard of man committing
murder after he was hanged?
A MAN going through life without
making an enemy is like needle going
through piece of cloth, without thread.
= Whitehall (N. Y } Times.
"I DECLARE" said Julia, "you take
the words right out of my mouth. !"
No wonder !. they are SO sweet" said
Henry. The day was set that evening.
Down in Texas when they want to ex-
press loathing for man, they say he's
mean enough to hand a pint bottle filled
with water to a friend, in dark night.
YOUNG MAN: els it wicked to bet on
horse race?" Don't know about the
wicked part of it, but unless you're in
the ring it's drattedly foolish. Boston
Post. ...s.
rs. THE only way to put an end to the
innumerabIe suicides which occur in
France every year., said speaker in
the Assembly, sis to make the act a
capital offence, punishable with death. !"
YEs," said Clara, "your Maltese
kitty is pretty enough, but he can never
come up to my bird" That was all she
knew about it. The kitty did come up
to her bird that very day and it was all
day with the bird.
A WRITER on the etiquette of gestures
says a smile and an inclination of the
head will often convey more meaning
than volumes. Dan McGarty says that
in Austin it means the conveyance of ten
cents out of his pocket every time.
Two gentlemen met large woman,
with rustic of voluminous silks and roll
of yoluminous person. Who is that ?"
asked one. "Why, that is my neighbor
Webster's wife. ooh, I see," was
the ready rejoinder,T "Webster's Una
bridged." @ sss
A YOUNG lady in Ohio is said to have
had perfect health for three years with
out the power of speech. This fact, if
fully authenticated, destroys a scientific
theory that has been supposed to be I'M
assailable, that articulate power in
woman is essential to health.
"BUT I pass" said minister, re-
Gently, in dismissing one theme of his
subject to take up another. Then
make it spades" yelled a man from the
gallery, who was dreaming the happy
hours away in an imaginary game OF
euchre. It is needless to say that he
went out on the next deal, assisted by
one of the deacons. t-+......
THERE is nothing in this cold world
which so stirs our sympathies as an
authenticated instance of filial affection.
When a witch was condemned to the
stake she asked of her son drink OF
water. "No, mother" was the dutiful
reply; " it would be wrong to give it to
you, because the drier you are the better
you will burn. '-Nea0 York Herald.
"STo1E any chickens dis week, Brud-
der Jones?" said class-leader to q
member of suspiciously thieying pro.
clivities. "No, sah-tank de Lor'. I"
"You'se done well," said the leader,
and passed on, while "Brudder Jones y
turns to Brudder Brown" and whis.
pers "Lucky he said chickens il
he'd said ducks he'd had me suah p
LAST week at Los Angeles married
woman eloped with her coachman, in
consequence of which her husband shot
. himself. The next day his daughter,
who was also in love with the coachman,
went insane, while the servant-girl, who
was IN turn gone on the defunct hus-
band, tried to drown herself three times.
We shall get out an extra as soon as we
learn of the course taken by the house
dog in the matter. D0dd