National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1882-01-28
LATEST SMALLPOX NOTES.
How Two 'Fri.co sRwbones Attempted d
Make BuSincss Brisk.


"This is nice sort of country to make living
in" growled one medical student to another rs
thy entered restaurant the other day and Or
dercd three two repast. 1T actually seems
to mo sometimes as though the authorities
wouldn't have any sickness In the place II they
could help IT,"
ut does look like put.up job to starye the
medical fraternity to DEATH" asscnted the other,
gloomily. Now. here this smallpox epidemic Is
the only chance for raise we fellows have had
for heaven knows when, and what does this
chucklehead board Of health do but come In with
their sewer flushing and disinfoctants, and nip the
whole scheme right In the bud"
Exactly" reioined the other, wrestling ana
tomically with one OF Baldwin's patent rubber
chops "Ifit wasn't for this everlasting carbolc
acid and chloride OF lime business we might have
had n chance. I'm blessed If they haven't even
put 'em in the hacks and street cars
Yes" said tho other, land that amt the worst
ofit either. Last Sunday took Mrs scollop TO
church. noticed the pew smelt rather strong,
somehow, and wish I may die, Jack, If didn't
hnd, when we got up TO 20, that had been sitting
all the time OH sponge full OF carbolic acid-had
my new light pants OH, too.n
| oh, it's Just too Internally dern menn," said
Jack, carefully laying aside the pie flies for his
canary bird.
"The other day man was going 10 take a drink
out Of the Lolita fountain, when another fellow
rushed up and knocked him down. He explained
that the Spring Valley water was chock full OF
spores as big as sea-serpents, and the man aotu-
ally picked himself up and thanked his assailant
with tears in his eyes for saving his life"
| Just as II there was no such thing as a phys-
clan in the world,' said the other journeyrnan
sawbones, bitterly. And then there's the theatres
/ was down at the Bush Street the other night, and
] hope may be paralyzed II between tho acts tho
ushers did not come round and pat everybody on
the head with sponge filled with carbolic acid
and camphor. Said they had been ordered to do
| 1t by the supervisors"
| That's most as bad as what our landlady did
the other morning. Actually put chloride of limo
Into the biscuits on purpose instead Of saaratus.
Nearly killed two boardeTs-iour children carried
away from the table In commissions. Said she
thought our health was OF more importance than
light bread. Health, mind you'll"
There was gloomy and sympathetic pause OF
| some moments after which one of the disguised
undertaker's aids said.
whats in that bundle, Jlm7n
"Ahl that reminds me-" replied jim "You
know Ben Pillem don't you7 Well, you sec Ben
got appointed eighth assistant phi yslcan out at the
pesthouse, and the other day was telling him
how hard times were; not single case In six
months So he said he would try to help the boys
out as 1t were-biggest- hearted fellow that ever
walked, Ben Island so just now he smuggled mo
out night-shirt of a man that died yesterday.
You see, my idea is II you can't get business any
other way to make H. Ipropose TO cut that shir,
up in small sections and hide them around among
the bed clothes in all the boarders' rooms up al
our place. Ought to pick up q few cases In that
way, ehT
And after his delighted friend had exacted a
promise that he was to be let into the scheme az
soon as II began TO declare dividends the hopeful
pair called for their checks and walked cheerfuly
out, leaving four customers in dead faint and
a waiter whose hair had turned snowy white be.
fore they reached the door.-DerTick Dodd.