The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-06-13
WIT AND HUM0R.

The plumber, unlike the water-pipe
on which he thrives, never busts up,
Sir Walter Raleigh made his way to
fortune and fame by politeness, He was
not one of the Elizabethan rufls.
Irish epitaph: Erected to the memo
ry of John Philips, accidentally shot as
a mark of affection by his brother"
The absent-minded hen is a great
trouble to herself She forgets where
she laid her last egg
Hanlan claims to be of Russian ex-
traction He is certainly a Row-man-
off
The hardest rocks are made of the
softest mud, just as the biggest swells
are made from the smallest men.
A gentleman said, when pretty girl
trod on his toe, that he had received the
stamp of beauty.
1t is said that Brooklyn landlord
never smiles except when he can charge
it to his tenants.
Why are balloons in the air like vaga-
bondsP Because they have no visible
means of support
A good many of the young men of
this city are natural sailors. At least
we Judge so from the ease with which
they pilot schooners over the bar.
Chesterfield used to say, Never walk
fast; gentleman is never in hurry"
But, then, there were no railroad trains
mr. hnrsn-pars ~, potnh a., h;o lau
Boiling hair in n solution of tea will
darken it, says an exchange; but some
folks don't like to have their tea dark
ened in that way.
Tutor in Mechanics II body meet
body Sophomore Gin an undertone,
MISUNDERSTANDING through the
rye.
A Philadelphia man fell dead while
running for car My son, don't run
for a car; it pays better to run for an Of
flee
The safest way to curry mule is not
to begin the operation until you have
etherized him. His natural sleep is
treacherous.
A correspondent wants toknow where
the expression "let up" comes from.
We believe it comes from the fellow who
isn't on top in the fight
At st. Cloud traveller asked at what
times the little steamers left. Every
ten minutes was the answer; "mon-
seur will not have to wait more than a
quarter Of an hour"
Washington scene: Deep-voiced guz-
zler-"lii, waiter! bring me three more
schoonersn' Awe-struck spectators,
whispering: "That must be the new
Secretary of the Navy"
One of our best humorous versiers
begins poem thus; II cannot single
night, love, she silently did say" She
must have broken the silence all to
pieces when her words dropped.
A chap who sent us a poem beginning
"When twilight dews are falling fast
upon the rosy lea," has since married
Rosa Lee, and now the weekly dues are
falling faster upon him.
The clergymen Of Lampasas supply
the prisoners in jail with manuscript
sermons to read during their leisure
hours. The way Of the transgressor is
hard, very hard.
The editor who was asked BY "bash-
full subscriber" il he could tell him ''the
first step toward matrimony" and replied
''mis-step," was either punster or q
horrid old bachelor.
To an enthusiastic angler who plead
ed for Just one more bite at fishing
party Of which Krauf was tired, the lat
ter said, but we must draw the line
somewhere"
A bald-headed professor reproving n
youth for the exercise of his fists; 1--WE
fight with our heads at this college"
The youth reflected moment and then |
replied: "Ah, l see and you have butted
all your hair off,"
A fashion item says that "'Titian rcd
hair Is to be the favorite shade during |
this season." II differs from the poli-ti. |
tian red One is worn on the nose and
the other on the head. But how q black
haired damsel is going to dive her tress.