New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1882-09-11
THE SPIDERS PARLOR.

TIE SPIDERS PARLOR.
| Samuel J. Tiden's compliments to John
Kelly. Mr. Tilden bcgs and entreats that Mr..
Kelly will walk into his parlor, his enhancing
! Syracuse parlOr, on the DIST OF September
Mr.. Tilden will De glad to send a carriage to
meet Mr.. Kelly on the arrival of the "Iam-
many special train from Newly ork. MIR.
Tildcn earnestly assures Mr.. Kelly that this
Syracuse paror is the prettiest little parlor he
ever did espy. 1t really is a most ravlshing
room. and with Mr.. Keily's permission and in
order that there may be no doubt about his
acceptance of the invitation to walk into it.
Mr.. Tilden will point out some of its Attrac-
| tons.
The pretty little parlor is well lighted-gas
Is manufactured in large quantities on the
premises AS for the plumbing, it is perhaps
only necessary for Mr.. Tilden to mention that
all the pipes were laid and all the traps con-
structed with his own hands. The pretty little
parlor is well ventilated how can it be other
wise when it can boast of the most famous
Southern exposure on the continent Mr..
Tiiden thinks it but common gratitude to add
that the Southern exposure was presented to
him for the use of his pretty little parOr by
| The NEw-YORK TRIBUNE. The pretty little
parlor, if Mr.. Tildcn does say it who shouldn't,
is furnished with everything appropriate to
| that sort of apartment that luxury can sug-
gest to money. At one end of the pretty little
parlor stands lovely Cabinet capable OF being
divided up into seven lovely Secretaries, each
| Secretary being perfect and complete in itself.
| This Cabinet-fnshed in dead brass-TaS
ordered by Mr.. Tilden, as Mr.. Kelly perhaps
remembers in 1876 but, owing TO clrcum-
! stances not under Mr. Tilden's control 1t has
never been used. Mr.. Tilden thinks it not
! improper to remark in passing, that he had
! intended to present the Cabinet to General
Winfield Scott Hancock, but that owing to
circumstances not under the Generals control
he abandoned the idea AT the other end of the
pretty little parlor is an exquisite Bureau Of
the nincompoop order of architecture which is
especially noticeable for the has relief of dead
ducks which ornaments it, Scattered among
| the lounges diyans and easy chairs OF the pretty
little parl0r Mr.. Kelly will find al nice little stool
of repentance taStefully upholstered i'll sack
cloth which Mr. Tilden will he glad to see him
appropriate during his entire stay in the pretty
| little parlor. The sidebOard OF the pretty little
parlor is well supplied with snuff, the "regu-
| lar thing" and Mr.. Tilden trusts and confident
" expects that every time be regaes his nOstrilS
| Nth this delicate refreshment that Mr.. Kelly
| from this little stool of repentance will snecze
spontaneously and generously. One end OF
| the pretty little parlOr opens into a superb
| whispering gallery. The furniture of the gal
ery is severely plain. 1t consist of barS, bales
| of wool-the sort of wool that IS easily pulled
| over rural eyes-a cipher album, recipes
| for the manufacture of tissue ballots and
cognate "moral forces" The larder accessory
to the pretty little parlor is supplied with every
thing best calculated to meet the approval of
cultured and fastdous palate. Mr.. Tilden
trusts that Mr.. Kelly will not think he is going
too much into detail if he states that he imports
his fruit direct from the Dead Sea. A pate de
crow with some of this fruit and a bumper of
gall and woEmwood VINTAGE of 1S76-7O
| makes an unequalled lunch for those who have
the necessary acquired taste to enjoy It,
Mr.. Tilden will only remark further, by way
of giving force to his invitation, that Mr.. Kelly
must not think of declining it because of the
sort of treatment he has lately received at the
hands of the proprietor of the pretty little par
Tor. Mr.. Tlldcn does not forget that he has
! frequently called Mr.. Kelly a shameless polt-
! ical striker, the champion hummer of metropol-
| itan politics, and names OF related flavor ana
| import Neither does no forget that year
ago he scourged him out of n Democratic state
| Convention and hurled the most savage of
execrations after him. But let not such mem
cries induce Mr.. Kelly to alb ain from setting
| his feet within the pretty little parlor. For
Mr.. Tilden assures Mr.. Kelly that when he
| called him harsh names he merely used words
| in their playful Picllwickan sense, and that he
! had regard to that sense and nothing more
| when he lifted him violently out of the State
| Convention by the ear. Furthermore and in
| order to remove all possible doubt on this point
and that Mr.. Kelly may enter the pretty little
parlor feeling first rate, Mr. Tilden desires him
to understand that he has always loved him
passionatcly and has frequently spent whole
nights under his window softly singing
| Dear John, my souls sufficient crown.-
| Oh darlins kiss my eyelids down.
p. S.-Although Mr.. Tllden would be glad
| TO have Mr. Kelly sOjOurn IN the pretty little
parlor for an indefinite period, the longer the
| better, still he thinks it but courteous to in
| form him that just as soon as the votes are
counted in November the pretty little parlOr
will be, summary closed for repairs.
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