The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1882-05-18
EDer benefits Nv Triukiu@,3 -

"Der Peneiits Nv Trinking.'
The Hub prints the following sug-
gestive and edifying report of a lee
ture on Der Penefts Nv Thinking"
by Hans Sauermilch:
MEIsTER SHENTLEMENs: Py reason
Nv letter in de newspaper, [ haf
peen requested to ockspress meinself
on der vhiskey question.
AS | am der boss NIT bier saloon,
it was yust right dot [ stand opp fur
dot peezness. Wv a man vas got
saloon NIT himself, l guess he vas
know some tings apout thinks amt
it?
| am aware dot lots Nv vellers dot
wants to save monish vas dryin' to
runs down der peezness; der vas Shon
B. Go-off, und Suse Anthony, und
Barnum's circus, und blendy Nv un-
ner vellers; but ven [ dold you some
dings, [ guess you would say, 'Pully
for Sauermilch! his head vas level"
Der ort to pc rum-schop on every
corner, in every town, und den peez-
ness would be good. Der vhiskey
peezness helps emmy town. No mat
ter how dull peezness vas, beeples will
spend der monish fur thinks. Dis vas
broved efray tay. All ofer Nye York
you can find working mans dot vas
gomblaining apout der pay, und
bromisin' dot dey would go on some
strikes, because dey don't got some
more wages, und yet dose same mems
will spend feefty cents efry day fur
Yhishkey und bier. Dot brooves dot
der liquor peezness vas helpin' drade,
amt H2
Und dot vas not der only way; der
vas menny unners. Wv it vas not
fur trinking, menny public buildings
would not peen puild; desc prisons,
und shails, und poor-hauses, und
inebriate asylums, und such dings;
und eef desc hauses vas not puilt, Wy
Nv course der meganics would haf
nodtings to do, amt H2
Nv you don't got some ruum-schops
in der town, you Won't need no shall,
und Nv course you don't want no sher-
iff, und vot would der politicians
done?
Wv ner vas no rum der would peen
no murders, no ftes, no stabs, no lick
ing your wife, no nodtings fur der
newspaper, und vot would der editors
done? Und vot would der lawyers
done?
All! mein freunds, pefore you run
down der rum, you yust tink Nv all
dose dings. How menny beeples
would peen out Nv work mitout liquor
Wy! We would need no bolices; nc
sharity ghommissions; no supe-hauses
no communists; no nodtings.
Nv you hat no viskey-schops, ware
would your poys spend der efenings
Wy! dey would haf to stay at home
und it would kill menny NV them tc
be cast into der same society as del
mudders und seesters. Der muddel
could not dell dem der same sholt5
storie vot dey hear NIT der saloon
dot vas embossible. Pesides, der saloon
vas Nv yuse to der vanity. Nv you
haf son, und you don't want him
setting arount der haus all de efen-
ing, you can yust send him to del
saloon, und he would not worry you
some more dot night. In all desc
ways a saloon helps a town ferry
mooch, amt 1T?
Und it helps you socially. 1t pen
fits your vamily. It helps your son:
to get ockquainted NIT beeple dol
dey would not oddervise know, mitout
der saloon.
Der vas nodting like bier fur Sc
ciableness-except vhiskey. Vhiskey
vas leetle ahed.
Der vas a time ven two freunds
would meet und ockshange der gom.
plements NV der tay, und ten part
But der saloon has done away mic
dot cold way Nv acting. Not0 ver
dwo or dree freunds meet, und schake
hands nit demselves, Won Nv dem vii
say: Lets haf Something's" und dey
will walk into der saloon (der is al
ways Won handy, und Won weller
says: ''Vot will you take?" Und
der unner weller says: II will take
der same,' und dey yust douch dose
glasses togedder, und say: Here
she goes, und she does 60. Den del
unner weller will say; "Now you must
dake Something's NIT me;'' und dey &c
droo der same performances NIT dem
selves vonce more. Dot vas soclaplllty
Nv you don't got some saloons how
you vas gone to done dot, eh?
Ven you ask man to dook some
dings you don't want to dreat him to
a coat, or pair Of schus, or loaf Nv
pred, or no such voolishnsss, do you =?
Vhiskey enables a man to pury his
toughts. He will forgot all about his
hard vork-somedimes fur more ash a
week.
1t gifts man courage in running
his haus. Vot you'd man done
mitout he trinkse [ vas so meek as
Moses ven | vas sober, but ven | vas
full NIT bier yoh yust pet your poots
der schildren und der olt woman vas
got to schump arount lifely. Mein
wife don't dalk pack to me den; Nv
she would I lick her like PLACES. let
her know / vas so goot man as vot
she vas, or some unner vons also.
Vhiskey teaches man not to pc
broud NIT himself Ven man vas
sober he wants CLEAN CLOSE, und a goot
bed, and blenty of unner dings. But
ven he vas drunk, he was not SO
stoock opp. He don't gare vot kind
Of CLOSE he wares, und ven it cooms
to schleeping, he would yust so soon
schleep in der gutter as some unner
blaces, und he dinks der curbstone
vas pillar, don't it2
Liquor vas healthy, doc. I know
me dot. Yust you watch emmy man
dot keeps a saloon, und vas not doc
stingy to trink his own thinks. Yust
Won watch him md see vat q rio nelly