Smyrna times., 1882-06-28
WHOLE NO. l,4O8.
All Sorts from All Sources.

Ill right.
An egotist's story extends as far as
can reach.
The corn in Texas is beginino to
ripen, and the crop is good.
Motto for the Maine canvass: "There
be SIX RichmOnds in the field"
A woman's features are less disfigurcd
Oy her age at GO, than by her rage at 20.
Times are not yet so bad in the oil
region that producers can't eniOv a
horse race.
This is the time of the year at which
every man desires to go TO the country.
and no one knows where he is GOING
The New York Herald estimates the
amount paid in that city for theatrical
amusement last year at 100000
Costly fun.
" want twenty -four teeth filled with
the best you've got in the house." is
the way Il COW boy gives his order to a
restaurant waiter.
" Marriage" said an unfortunate
husband, is the churchyard of love"
And you men, )" replied his wife, are
the grave diggers."
A reputashun once broken NAV he
repaired, but the world will alwus keen
their eyes on the spot where the krack
was.-.Josh Billings.
Speaking of the price of beef the
Philadelphia Chronicle saws that men
are tempted to raise their hats when
ever they pass a COW.
There is talk of closiAg the mills at
Fall River, Massachusetts, for n short
time, on account of the large stock of
print cloths on the market.
MI. .Beecher thinks that imagination
is the most potent factor in religion.
Mr.. Beecher has imagination, and this
probably explains his religion.
The only true religion is personal
religion, Make yourselfa a good man."
aaid Carlyle, " and then you'll be sure
there's one rascal loss in the world"
The general drift of comment on the
scotch sea SERPENT lately seen, lj0 feel
long, green Whiskers, etc, is said to be
complimentary 10 the strength of Scotch
whisky,
l'rlze-llghting, dog catching, duelling
and suiciding seem to be the fashion,
able epidemics just now. The theory
OF evolution must assert itselfsomehOw,
you know.
The way Of Ah-Sin is peculiar. In
CHINA cashiers are not paid salaries.
They depend for their remuneration ON
buying imperfect coins and passing
them of on their customers.
| The COW population of the United
States is l2,61l ,143, or about one COW
to every four people. 1t isn't the cows
fault, however, that those four people
never can buy any pure milk.
The defeat of the whisky bill in the
Senate is largely due to Senator VIM
dom, who had clue to the real nature
of the bill, and so effectually exposed
1t that a heavy vote was cast against it i.
The rainfall this year is about nine
inches greater than the ordinary aver
age. From this data it is argued that
for the remainder of the year we are
not likely to have so much wet
weather.
A steam whistle as big as a -four
barrel has been made for q Canadian
saw mill. 1t will be used in calling
the men to work. The signal for stop
ping work will be the dropping of a
pin, as heretofore.
The coast of New Jersey is wearing
away at the rate of five feet a year,
and it is only a question of time when
Philadelphia hotels will be advertising
Cool, spacious rooms, fronting the
ocean. lighthouses free"
The Indianapolis Meas thinks the
names of the blackguards who got
drunk ON the occasion of Garfield's 3
funeral should be published. The fact
: that they We're congressman should not
shield them. We agree with the NeICs,
lie sat IN railway car. His head
was thickly covered with mass Oi
red hair. Behind him in seat was q
f man with hardly any hair on his head
: He said to him
, II guess you wasn't around when
they dealt out hair?'
"Oh yes, was," replied bald head
but they offered me lot of red hair
, and told them to threw it into the
!, ash bin"
, If people who are troubled Will
: colds would make use of Ayers Cherry
, PectOral before attending church Ol
public lectures, they would avoid cough
ing, and the comfort of hearers aRC
speaker would be greatly promoted
J The PectOrals enables public speaker:
: to speak clearly and without fatigue
. having an immediate and wonderful