Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1882-02-22
How Mr.. SpOOpendyIGc Opens
Oysters.

Spoopend,ke. Some of 'em wouldn't
stay that way. They turned right
over
Must have been extraordinary in
telligent eys,ers,' muttered Mr.. Spoop'
endyke, cycling her with suspicion.'
Didn't any of 'em stand up on end and
ask for morning paper; did they =
YOU know what 1 mcan,' astlercd
Mrs. Spoopendpke. They tipped over
sideways, and so laid them on the
fiat she'll
That's right grunted Mir. Sqoop-
CT dyke. you waot to give an oyster
his own way, Or You'll hurt bis feelings.
Suppose you bring up some of those
gitel oysters and an oyster knife, and
we'll eat 'em.'
Mrs. Spoependyke hurried away and
battered back with the feast duly sci
out on a tea waiter @hich she placed
before Nj. Spoopendyke with -four
ish.
Now said she, drawing up her
sewing chair. and resting her elbows on
her knees and her chin On her hands,
when you get all You want, you may
open me some
Mr.. Spoopeudlke whir.ed ihe koiic
around bis head and brought it down
with a sharp crack. Then he clipped
away at tie end for Il moment, and
iabbed at what he supposed was the
opening. The knife slipped and plo"-
ed the bark of his thumb.
Won't come open. won't ye" he
suorted. fetching it another lick, and
iabbng away again. Haven't COM
pleled Your census OF who's oul here
working at e, have ye:' aud lie brought
it another whack. 'P'raps ye think
haven't fully made up my mind to III
qure wilIiu, don't ye:' and he iammed
the point Of Tie knife atlt' knocking tie
skin orh.s knucklc.
'Tha, isn'l tie way to open an oys-
ter suggested Mrs. Spoopsndykc.
Lock here roarcG N. SpoopCn-
dyke, turning lerccly on his wife.
'HaYc you got any private understand
in with this oyster? Has the oyster
confd.d in you the particular way in
which he wants to be opened"
Mo-! stammered Mrs. Spoopoadyke,
Only thought
This is no time ior thoughtH shout
ed Mr.. SpoopendJkc, banging away az
the edge of the shell. This IS the
moment for battle, aud if I've happen
ed TO catch this oyster durins Office
hours, he's going 10 enter into relation
with the undersigned. Come ont, will
ve?, he yelled, as the knife flew up his
sleeve. Maybe yc don'trecosnzo the
voice of Spoopendyke! Come out you
dod easted coward, before yc make an
enemy of me for life {" and he belied
away at the shell with the handle of the
knif., and spatterel mud like a dredg'
ing machine.
Let me get you hammer to crack
him wilh.' recommended Mrs. Spoop'
endyke, hoyerins over her husband IN
great pcrturbati on.
Don't want any hammer! ho"led
Mr.. Spoopcndykc, slamming around
with his knife. 'S'pose Pm going TO
use brute force on dod gasled fish that
| could swallow alive if could Only
get lin oui Of his house Open your
measly prcmises!' rayed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. stabb;ng al the oyster yindic-
lively. and slcing his SHIRT sleeve clear
TO the elbow. Come forth and eujo7
the society Of SpoopondYke! and the
worthy gentleman loaned at the mouth
a. he sunk back in his chair aud con-
templatel bis stubborn foe with slaring
eyes.
T'll tell YOU what TO do = exclaimed
Mrs. Spoopandyke, radiant with pro-
found idea. Crack HIM in the door"
That's the scheme = grinned Mr.
spoopcndyke, with horrible contortions
of yisase. Fetch me the door. Set
that door right before me on a plate.
This oyster is going to stay here. II
YOU thinl, tins oyster is going 10 enjoy
any change Of climate until he strikes
the tropics Of Spoopendyk', you don't
know the domestic habits Of a she'll
fish. Loose your holdr squealed Mr..
Spoopcnd,ke, returning to the charge
and fetching the bivalye IL prodiSious
whack. Come into the onter world,
where all i gay and beautiful. Come
out and let me introduce yon 10 my
wife, and Mr.. Spoopcudeko laid The
oyster or the arm o. his chair, and
slucged him rcmor1lessly.
Watv squealed Mrs. spoopendyke.
shere's enc with his mouth open! and
she ponted cautiously at gaping oys-
fer who had evidently taken down the
shutters 10 see what The ross was
about,
Don't care a dod gasted nlckle win
a hole in it!' protested Mr.. Spoopen'
dyke. thoroughly impatient. Here's
one that's gong TO open his mouth Or
the resurrection will fad him still
wrestling with the osiensible head Of
this family. Os!' aud Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. having rammed the knife into
the pllm OF his hand, slammed 'he
oyster against the chimney-piece, where
II was shattered, aud danced around
the room wrigg!lng with wrath and
agony.
Never mind the oysters. dear cii-d
Mrs. opoopend. Ike, following him
around and trying 20 dscugase bis
=.