davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
FacetiOus Talk.

from the JOURNALS OF Caroline Fox.
Mr.. Gregory told us that, going the other
day by steamer from Liverpool to London,
he sat by an old gentleman who would not
talk, but only answered his inquiries by
mods and shakes of the head. When they
went down to dinner he determined to
make him speak if possible, 80 he proceed
ed: You're going to London, suppose?"
A nod. Il shall be happy to meet you
there; where are your quarters?" There
wigs no repelling this, so his friend with the
energy Of despair broke out, @I-I-I-I-I-Im
g-g-g-going to D.D-D-Doctor Dr. Br-Br-
Brewster to be c-c-c-cured of this sl-sl- 81
slight i'm impeachment in my sp.sp-sp-sp-
speech" At this instant little white face
which had not appeared before
popped out from one of the berths
and struck in. @Th-th-th- that's the m-m-
m-man wh-wh-who c-c-c-c-cured mel"
Talked of Philip Won Artevelde, Taylor,)
lrvi ng, Coleridge and Charles Lamb being
together, and the conversation turning on
Mohammed, Irving reprobated him in his
strongest manner as prince OF impostors.
without earnestness and without faith.
Taylor thinking him not fairly used defen-
ded him with much spirit. On going away
Taylor could not find his hat, and was look
ing about for it when Charles Lamb volnn-
teered his assistance with the query: 'Tay-
ler, did you come In q h.h-hat or t-t-t-
turbinp" A fine ecclesiastical head suggest
ed thessfolloying story: A Protestant bish-
op was declaiming to Roman Catholic on
the folly Of belief in purgatory. My
Lord was the reply, you may 60 further
and fare worse.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
'sThe Play May Go On.0

The father Of President Hill, of Harvard
College, was man Of herculean frame, and
famous for his strength. It is told of him
that being one time at theatre in Orange,
N. j., his attention was attracted by O. small
Frenchman who was trying to induce q man
in front Of him to remove his hat. The
little foreigner leaned forward and in the
most deprecatory manner said several times,
"Vill you please take of your hatp" T he
man paid no attention to the request, and
Mr.. Hill leaned forward and knocked of
the offending hat. The man jumped up in
. rage. The attention Of the audience was
turned from the stage, and the play ceased;
but Mr.. Hill was equal to the occasion, be-
ing justice Of the peace. Towering to his
full height, he faced the irate man and said
calmly, but loud enough to be heard by all:
Ny name is Thomas Hill. tanner; my ad-
dress is so-and-so; any time that you want
satisfaction come to me-" Then turning to
the expectant actors he said, with his usus
air Of authority, @The play may 60 on"
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
War Stories.
Washington Cor. N. Y. Times.

washington Cor. N. Y. I1mes
held down chair in party few even.
ings since in which Colonel Hatch, of Han
nibal, Mo-, who served in the rebel army,
and some ex- Union soldiers were relating
war stories. The colonel, who is now q
member of congress, told many good
yarn, but none that interested me more
than some of the gloomy days of the Con-
federacv during the winter of 1854. He
said they had by some means gotten hold
of bundle of Chicago papers, in one of
which they found paragraph saying that
some of the farmers on the great prairies
of Illinois had been forced to burn coin for
fuel, on account Of its cheapness and the
high price of coal. He said the paragraph
had more interest for them at that time
than all the other contents of the papers.
and it was generally shown about and dis
cussed through the camp. Il remember,
said the colonel, "hew sombody said:
What's the use of fighting people who are
burning corn for fuel, while we are count
ing it out by the grain?' and we pretty near
all agreed with him."
well, " said one of the Union men, II re-
member when we took one of your men
prisoners at Charlottesville, and they
tod us they hadn't had anything to eat TO,
two days, we thought, whats the use of
fighting men who can fight like this without
eating anythingp"
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
A SNAKE STORY.
The Experience of q Man Who Had Some
Dealings With Reptiles.
From the london Eeld

The Experience of q Man Who Had Some
Dealings With Reptiles.
From the London Field.
To get snake out of bottle is tedi-
GUS job; in whatever way it is turned, the
head will be directed upward, so that the
only way to induce him to come out is to
place the bottle upright or nearly so; even
then the head is withdrawn on the slightest
alarm and the position is by no means ia
vorable to its transference to box. If the
door or opening Of the latter will admit Of
it, the best plan is to put the bottle un-
corked into the box. and let the snake crawl
out at his leisure; first checking off" the
bottle with wedge of paper or wood. lest
1t should roll over on the reptile, and fas-
tening string to 1t in order that it may be
removed without difficulty at the earliest
possible opportunity.
One of the most poisonous snakes ever
possessed was brought to me in brandy
bottle, and after twisting it and shaking it
and tapping it for an hour without avail,
grew impatient. The tail just then happen
ed to protrude about half an inch, so
seized 1t with my fingers, and, rapidly
drawing the body through the other hand,
had the reptile safely in my grip behind his
DEATH dealing jaws, now distended with an
ger. But the slide of my snake-box was
shut over, and I could not draw it back
with one hand; so was obliged to let him
slip back into the bottle again. Having set
the box all in order for the newcomers re-
cephon, 1 once more essayed to lay hold Of
him by the tail; butnow, most provokingly,
no amount of man9uvering would bring
that useful member to the top. Another
half hours unsuccessful angling converted
my impatience into desperation, and at
length, when saw the tail about two inch
es from the mouth of the bottle, I stuck my
forefnger in recklessly to try to secure 1t.
That was hopeless, as I might have
known; but it certainly did cool my spine q
little when I discovered on attempting to
withdraw it, that my finger was jammedl
l pulled, wrenched, twisted it with all my
might. for the brute was raising its head,
and its Pickering tongue was rapidly ap-
pr oaching the unhappy digit that involun-
tarily corked up its prison. gave a final
tug, the violence of which nearly dislocated
all my phalanges; but it was no use, and
with yell raised the bottle high in the
air, intending to smash 1t on the head of nay
bunk. distinctly felt the snake, momen-
tariIy inverted, fall on the end of my finger,
but as flung my hand up the bottle slip
ped off and fell on the deck behind me,
fortunately without breaking. By the time
picked it mp the snake was half way out,
kissing furiously with rage and fright, and
I had just time to thrust it into the box. If
had not been Hurried, should probably
have been able to extricate my finger with
very little difficulty, 1t is of the utmost
importance never to lose presence of mind
is dealing with these things.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16

Howard 8. Cuddy. city editor Of the Vim
cennes Qnd.) San, was accused in the COL
ums Of the Commercial, that place, Of hay.
ing allowed his aged mother to be turned
out Of doors for failing to pay rent. A card
Immediately appeared in the sam, charging
Justice jackson with the authorship Of the
Questionable article and sailing into that
dignitary in the most approved style. Jack
BUDDY and vindicated his fathers reputa-
ton by nearly pounding the young editor
into condition Of insensibilitx.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
Ingenuity Of the Japanese.

Professor Morse, whose entertaining lee.
lures upon Japan have drawn large audi
ences to the Boston Institute Of Technol-
ogy, believes that the ingenuity Of the
Japanese and the remarkable readiness with
which they comprehend mechanical con-
trivances are due to the fact that little chill
dren are carried around upon the backs Of
persons in charge Of them, and thus see
everything that is going on. Workshops
and houses" says Professor Morse, aare
open to the view Of passers-by, and every
where you will see knots Of children with
babies on their backs, watching artisans Of
all kinds at their work. The advantage to
health is also undeniable, so ! approve Of
this Japanese way Of bringing up children.
It is astonishing to see the number Of chill
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
Good Farm Gardens.

The little care on farm gardens by farm
ers is surprising. There is no part of the
farm any more important than the garden
is. 1t is pat, and an essential part of the
farm; yet it is fact that at least three
fourths of the farmers pay no more atten-
ton to it than they do to the potatoe patch.
A garden needs special attention and filling.
Make your garden no larger than you can
prepare and care for in the best possible
manner. Nothing is more essential for
good garden than good drainage. 1t is i'm
possible to raise supply of vegetables
withoutit. The soil of garden ought to be
SO rich and loose that it will fall apart when
gtroked with light rake ar fork. In this
condition, where the seed was planted in it,
you need not wait long for returns. For
garden purposes there is nothing better
than we'll rotted stable manure, with which
leaves or any refuse vegetable matter may
be composed with advantage. This should
be plowed in unless the soil is quite san
dy and the manure very fine, when it
may be applied on the surface and harrow
ed in. If you are farmer, your garden is
as much a part of your fields as the corn
field is. When you neglect the garden you
neglect one of the most important parts of
your business. Don't leave this most nee
essary work for the women to do. Much
of it needs the mans strong arm. But
whatever you do let it be well done and
have good gardens.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
About National Debts.
From the Hour.

cEOuA tl0 huuIs
France enjoys the unenviable distinction
of having the largest national debt in the
world, namely, 1880, 1000, 900 60, $50, OOO,-
000). Before the Franco German war Eng
land stood at the head of the list, her
debt being s775, 100000. Germany's debt
amounts to the trifling sum of e46, 900, 900.
Russia has 1880, 100000, part of which,
like the whole of that of Germany, repre-
sents expenditures in the building of rail-
ways, and guarantees in that connection
given by the government. Austro- Hungary
has debt Of e362, DOC, 900, and Italy Of
e356, ZOO, 900.
The amount Of Turkeys debt can hardly
be guessed. Dividing up these debts
among the various populations of these
countries, the Indebtedness per capita is in
France, EOS; Great Britain, s23 los; Aus
tria s1O; Russia, "a; Germany, Ell, and
Italy, s13.
The debt Of the United States, less cash
in the treasury, on the first of January was
$1,765, 991 Ut, against an aggregate of
So, 784, 073, 1873 on the LIST Of July, 1865,
showing decrease Of more than thou
sand millions of dollars during the inter-
vening fifteen years and half.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
Three Bright Journalists on Gulteau.

ID. W. Grady In the Atlanta Constitution.
Sdlsoa Hutehins had said to me with that
fine emphasis for which he is famous: Ills
eye is a wonderful one. 1t is not the eye
Of wild beast, but it is the eye of hu-
man being with savage beast behind it,
glaring at you with it." I was at some
pains to justify this picturesque ststement,
but confess was unable to do do. saw
no savage beast behind Guiteau's eye, nor
any trace Of one. only saw furtive, cum
ming eye, with a scared, hunted look in
it that the fearless Inconsistencies of in
sanity never gives to its subjects.
The other opinion with which I found my
self burdened came from Henry Watterson,
who had written: He is weird and
wizened apothesis of dead-beatism. I am
unable to say whether saw this in Guiteau
or not. I don't think would have known
what it was if I had seen it. So that Mr..
Watterson may have been right. Certainly
no one can ever p rove that he was wrong.
As for me, it struck me that Guiteau was
the brightest man in the court room. That
he should be hung there is no doubt.
That he will be hung there is scarcely
less.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
A Young Bride Crippled for Life.

The friends of Mr.. D. O. Mills will re-
gret 20 hear that his daughter. the bride Of
Whitelaw Reid, editor Of the Tribune, has
become afflicted with sciatic rheumatism
to such degree that she will be rendered a
cripple for life. Mrs. Reid returned from
Europe in i'll health, and since her return
she has not improved. The disease which
has SO seriously afflicted her is now not I'M
common among young wives who have
been delicately raised. The worst feature
Of the attack in Mrs. Reds case is that it
seems to be shortening of one Of her
limbs by the contraction Of the muscles.
MIR. Reid's niece is her constant companion,
and everything, possible is being done for
it is said almost despairs of restoring her to
complete heal b.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
Work and Women.

Mr.. L. j. jennings, the London corre-
spondent Of the New York World, writes:
1T is remarkable how many applicants of
the gentler sex now come forward to seek
for any kind Of occupation that offers itself.
A famous firm for the sale Of artistic de-
signs in house decoration told me the other
day that they were owe whelmed with APP
plications for employment from ladies' who
sent in proof Of their skill and ability, and
that in large proportion Of cases the spec
linens thus forwarded showed more than an
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
The Same Old Story Anticipated.
From the Boston Transcript.

From the Boston transcript
Fogg was sitting in his Office the other
day, when the door opened and ragged
and dirty specimen of the tramp genus en-
tered. He was about to perfer his request
when Fogg interrupted him with: You
haven't had anything to eat for six
months?" The tramp acknowledged as
much. 3You have tried to get work and
nobody will have your" The tramp nodded
acquiesence. "You were in the army, Of
course, and lost the use Of your right
hand?" Another nod. "You have wife
and ten children at home, starving for
bread?" Another nod and the tramp es-
saved to speak. But Fogg checked him
and went on. "And all you want is ten
cents to save them from the grave?" "Yes,
sir, yes" said the tramp, eagerly. I thought
so," mumured Fogg, as he showed the fell
low the door. 1.-The same old story. I
who began to propose to his girl Just as the
horses started to ruiz with the sleigh. Being
determined to have it over with be got the
question out at the moment the sleigh struck
a mile post. The girl was thrown high into
the air, but as she came down she uttered
a tirm Yes, Charlie" and then tainted.
Harvard Lampoom: There is Chicago
girl who has been dying for the last two
yo0Ao, living, dS IL were, Will Ou0 1OOG IN GQe
grave. The PHYSICIANS have hopes, howev-
or. They say she can't get the other foot in
mo room. st Louis papers please. copy.
Bachelor Jones-@The state would be
better off if every Cinnamon was kicked
out of it tomorrow. His married friend
Where would you get your washing done
then?" Bachelor Jones-@M Marry some nice
girl and have it done at home" Chorus by
six eligible young ladies who happened to
overhear Jones and his friend talking
"The Chinese must 60"
You may talk about your mean men, :"
said one rustic to another on the ferryboat
the other day, but we've got woman over
there in Alameda who takes pie" "Kind-
or closets she?" "Close? Why last
month her husband died-fourth husband
and I'm blamed if she didn't take the door
plate off the front door, had his age added,
and nailed on to his coffin. She said she
guessed likely she'd be wanting new name
on the d0Or soon. anv wav"
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16
A Girls Work at Home.
From the Michigan Farmer.

From the Michigan Farmer
Give the girls chance. They need
money and discipline of earning it as much
as the boys. There are fewer employments
open to them; they have less chance for
their lives. Help them to help themselves.
If they have natural taste for any partic-
ular work, educate them for it and lei them
do it, even if it necessitates the hiring Of a
girl in the kitchen. In this way the prac-
tical value of girls is apt to be realized;
there is nothing SO convincing as an ap-
peal to the pocket book. If the daughter
shows no special inclination toward any
particular branch OF industry, but serve
and save at home, pay them for their work.
1t amounts to the same thing in the end,
you buy their cloths for them, or you pay
in reality, their greatest gain is in indie
pendence, in self.reliance, in good judg-
ment in purchasing, in decision of charac-
ter. They are personally interested in
spending their own earnings wisely and eco
nomically, and in making every dollar do
its duty. It is not calculated to fos-
ter ones self respect to be obliged to ask
of father or mother for every postage
stamp, shoe lace, or box Of hair pins
neither is it pleasant to the paternal head
to be always dunned for small sums.
If the daughters help is not necessary at
home, and it is not desirable that she
should 60 away to do for herself" give
her an opportunity to earn something in
another way. Let her run the poultry de-
partment; help her in starting the enter
prise and conducting it, even if you have
to take her note" for repayment. Many q
weak, sickly girl would gain health as well
wealth, keeping bees, raising fruits, or even
eultivating melon patch. There is hard
ly hamlet in the state where girl might
not sell from $3.50 to 5000 worth Of straw
berries, raspberrtes, currants and cherries
to those not able or too Indifferent to raise
them. With work comes content, with
content happiness born of healthy activ-
ity, and Q feeling that one is of use in the
world, working and receiving an equiva-
lent reward, able to give, to save, to spend,
of ones own honest earnings.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16

Are often but the prelude to q complication
of obstinate maladies. Among the former, are
a fit Of indigestion, loss of appetite, bilious
ness and inactivity of the bowels. 1t is highly
bodily arrangement They should be attended
to at once, ere they become chronic, and in
volve the general health. The above COM
plants may be easily suodued with Hostetter's
Stomach Bittels. Rheumatism and fever and
ague, both maladles for which the above is a
reliable specific, yield most readily to it in
yentive efficacy, and fortifying Influence upon
the system, is particularly satisfactory and
conclusive. Nervous ailments are among the
maladies for which prompt retief is obtained
by the use of this sterling medicine.
Hippolite Cogniard, vaudevilist and theater
manager, is dead.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16

ordinary degree OF merit There is scarce
ly any department of business in which the
same story would not have to be told, and
when, as you doubtless heard long ago, the
Dfury Cane management advertised for one
hundred pretty young ladies, the street
was blocked p by the crowd of candidates.
There was time apparently, when
it was thought impossible for "a
girl or woman to earn her own livelihood,
but that has happily passed away, and it is
no longer deemed inevitable that to be of
the female sex involves dependence upon
others. Women are engaged in public
offices, and believe will be the opinion Of
all fair minded men that they do their work
well, and that it would be desirable to en-
large the field which is at present open to
them. There are many fathers of families
who do not see their way clear to making
an adequate provision for all their children
and they would rather place them in the
path to earn little money honorably for
themselves than have them utterly depend
ent upon others. If they do not in after
life need the means Of support thus afford
ed them, 80 much the better, but no harm
ia done by placing it at their command.
In this country it is quite certain that all
women cannot get married, for they largely
outnumber the men, and hence it is that
employment is anxiously sought for"
Heifers From the Best Mixers.
We think all the best dairymen are
agreed in regard to the profit of raising
heir own COWS to supply additions to their
herds. Very few have ever selected val
liable herd wholly by purchase. 1t has
been said that, If total derravity can ever
be alleged against farmer, it will be found
n -
We have often enumerated the important
points in favor of home raised COWS, and
one of the most important is the oppor-
tunity Of selecting the heifer calves from
the best mixers, both for quantity and
quality. If the dairyman give no heed to
this point, he will perpetuate his worthless
COWS with his good ones, AID thus never
improve his daily herd. A large majority
of dairymen have COWS in their herds that
do not pay their keeping; and, as
they do not apply test to the in
dividual COWS, they continue not only to
keep them, but to breed from them. This
is the most suicidal policy. Although we
strongly recommend dairymen to raise their
own COWS, we are far from advising them to
perpetuate their poor COWS. 1t would be
even better policy to give them away to
favorite brother-in-law. The heifer calves
from only the best COWS should be raised,
and the wedding out should 60 on still
further. When these heifers came into
milk, those that do not come up to the
proper standard should be discarded. A
careful test should always be made Of each
COW in the herd, and of each heifer during
her first period of milking. If the heifer
has the appearance of well-formed milk
er aid of having had good dam, it may
not be judisious to pass upon her during
her first milking season, if her quality is
below the standard, for the next season
may develop her satisfactorily Chicago
National Live Stock Journal.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16

The silverware, decorated china, and
other personal effects of the late General
Burnside, which were brought from Wash
ington by the administrator of the estate,
were sold at auction on Tuesday at Provi-
dence. The most prominent article was a
silver punch bowl, which was presented to
the general by the members of his staff. 1t
was sold for 1925. A silver salver brought
$50. A silver pocket-fask Ia present to
the general from his wife,. $50, a silver
pitcher $42, and small silver cup $26.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16

In our endeavors to preserve health it is of
the utmost Importance that we keep the secre-
tory system in perfect condition. The we'll
known remedy Kidney Wort, has specific action
on the kidneys, liver and bowels, Use it in
stead of dosing with vile bitters or d1astia pills
tits purely vegetable, and is prompt but mild
n action. 1t is prepared in both dry and LIQUID
form and sold by druggists everywhere.
Reading Eagle
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16

Indigestion, Dyspepsia, nervous prostration,
and all forms of general debility, relieved by
taking Mensmsn's Peptonizsd Beef tonic, the
only preparation of beef containing its entire
nutritious properties. 1t is not mere stim-
ulant like the extracts Of beef, but contains
blood-making, force generating, and life-sus-
tanning properties; is invaluable in all enfeebled
conditions, whether the result of exhaustion,
nervous prostration, overwork, or acute dis.
ease; particularly if resulting from pulmonary
complaints. Casweli, Hazard & Co., propri-
etors, New York. Sold by druggists.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-16

The voltaic Belt Co., Marshall, Mich, will
send their Electric Voltaic Belts and other
Electric appliances On trial for thirty days to
any person afflicted with Nervous Debility, Lost
Vitality, and kindred troubles, guaranteeing
complete restoration of vigor and manhood.
Address as above without delay.
P. S.-No risk is incurred, az thirty days
trial is allowed