Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-06-16
WIT AND HUMoR

%-@~--@~s
Hwas Longfellow who slyly described
the lady as wearing flowers ION the con-
| gregation side of her bonnet"
Advice to wives-Man is very much
like an egg-keep him in hot water and
he IS bound to become hardened.
Never put off till tomorrow bio
graphy that you can hire a man to write
to-day" w F. Storey.
Sarah Bernhardts theatrical exclama-
ton on welcoming her new husband
was; TO arms; he comes; the Greek
the Creek
She (encouragingly) - Your step
suits mine exactly He (nervously)-
80 glad to hear you say so; know I
am such bad waltzer.m
What is this man charged with?'
asked the judge. with whisky, yer
honor" replied the sententious police
man.
Where are our girls?" anxiously in
quires religious exchange. We don't
know. We can't keep track of all the
girls in creation.
A Vassar college miss reads the pray
erbook response thus: LAS it was in the
beginning, is now, and ever shall be,
world without men. All, met
Young lady, examining some bridal
wells: Can you recommend this one?n
| Over jealous shopman: ''Oh! yes, miss.
1t may be used several times
A mother, who fondly put the query
to her young son, What would you do
without mother, Tom?'' was dunn
founded with the reply: do as l like,
ma"
By shimminy! how dot poy studies
grammar was the remark of a German
when his son called him ''knock-kneed,
pigeon-toed, seven-sided. glazed-eyed
son of 4 saw-horse."
'.How to Secure Good Husbands is
the title of an article in the New York
Herald, but as long as young ladies know
at what time trains leave for Chicago
the necessity for such an article is not
apparent.
Eugene, Eugene, will you still insist
on wearing the hair of another woman
upon your head?' .Alphonse, Al
phonse, do you still insist upon wearing
the skin Of another calf upon YOUR
feet?''
Sophia (sentimentally) l dearly love
to listen to the ticking of clock. 1t
seems to me that clock has language
of its own. Mr.. Smart-Yes, Sophia;
the clock has a language you might say
dialect.
Two housemaids strolling past a brio
a-brac shop paused to look at two chan
deliers in the window fine eighteen
branched one and one of three branches.
(Which do you like better?' said the
younger maid. 1.-The three-brancher,
said the veteran; st is easier cleaned"
Eyes, this must be the ladies' cabin
said young lady to her friend, as they
halted at the door of the cabin of Full
ton ferry-boat, and peered inquistively
in. 'Why do you think SOP" doubling
ly asked the other. 80, because there
are so many men in it." was the ans
wer.
Uncle Eb entered the house of an an
Gent maiden lady staid, tidy and dis
Greet without wiping his feet. The
offended spinster exclaimed, ''Did you
not observe the scraper at the door. sir?'
"Yes'm.n said Uncle Eb, land intend
to use it when | 60 out"
Scene in dental office: Present, q
dentist, and his pastor in the chair
| Dentist Quitting a piece of rubber over
| pastors TOOTH Nov, for once, am 60
ing TO bride you. PASTORAL right! II
will keep my mouth with bride while
the wicked is before me-
Mrs. Malloy-Shure, Mrs. McGinnis,
an it's rather poorly your lookin' this
mornin'. Mrs. McGinnis --Indade, thin,
Mrs. Malloy, an it's good raison I'm
having to look poorly. Here's thepost-
man just been to the door to tell me
there's dead letter waitin' fur me at
the post-ofliee, an I can't fur the life of
me think who it is that's dead.
Old Slobson was raking in the front
yard, yesterday, when he noticed boy
gazing through the picket fence in
most earnest manner. What are you
| dofng?h asked the old man. watch
ing the Rake's Progress" replied the
boy, as he lodged Just in time.
Puck: Now that ladies' bonnets are
made of glass suchremarks as these will
fall on our ears: George, dear, think
| you might get me a cut-glass bonnet
me wear this horrible thing made Of
| cOHlIuoH ldSSeF-DeeF SldSS
At the close of the dinner of the late
Dean of Ely's guest happened to re-
mark that six eminent lawyers had died
in six months. AT that minute the Dean,
very deaf, rose and said: For these and
all other mercies Gods holy name be
| praised" Perhaps the Dean isn't SO
deaf as he lets on to be.
Love strikes snag: The pencilled
! light of the evening star was glancing
| through the foliage at the easement rs
| she bent toward him and said, You re-
member that exquisite stanza of Tenny-
sons commencing, Trust me, Clara
| We're de Vere?'" Yes, yes,n he ans
wered, eagerly; Il remember; but she
wouldn't do i; her father was pawn
| broker" And their souls took different
paths from that night.
| A truckman lost something on the
sidewalk, and, procuring lantern, be-
| gan poking about in the snow in search
| of it. "And phwat are you lookin' af-
| ther~ asked an Irishman who was pass
ing. "Well, Pat" replied the searcher,
| I've lost my character and am trying
to find it. ..Begorra, thin said the
| Irishman. ''but yes must be fule to look
| Tor so shmall thing as yer character
wild such a dim loight as that
A gentleman was relating to friend
how party of young fellows got full at
wedding. He said one of them went
up stairs just braiding. The friend
said. well. what in the world is braid
| ing? That is a new one on me-" The
man who was telling the story said:
~ on don t know what braid is, Ell? He
was braiding three strands, two strands
| of legs and one strand of bannisters."
4 suggestive color: A gentleman who
had been giving description of
| friends wife, but omitted all mention
| of her hair. was asked the color of it.
| His deli acy of feeling overcame him to
such an extent that it was several mo-
ments before he ventured to give any
answer. and then said, in very reluct-
ant way: 1T was that-that indescriba-
bic shade which suggests the thought
that it would explode powder"
A nice-looking young man who seated
himself in well-filled North-side car,
held in between his bejewelled fingers
the stump of a cigar. giving out its dy-
| ing fumes. They are not pleasant
| odor. even to old smokers, and in this
case was specially vicious. One bright
i Il -