davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

'WEII, my little man, aren't Won barc-footel
rather early this season p said benevolent
gentleman 10 n youngster the other morning
Guess not. Wuz born hare-fo1ted
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

'No, thank you, never smoke.S was the
courteous reply Of n slumbering Orthodox dea-
con, as he gently pushed away the proffered con-
tribution box
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

WHY is it that whenever You are looking fol
anything you always find it in the last plac,
you look The reason is, because you alway,
stop looking when you find it.-Hdrkeye
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

PERUVIAN was asked by a timid lady
whether any persons were ever lost in the river
over which he rowed. 'Oh, no. said he, I'VE
always find 'em the next day.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

LET go that jib-let go that jib, quick ~
shouted the captain of down East sloop 10 n
raw hand in squall. ~ amt touchin' yer iibr'
replied Jonathan, Indignantly.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

ONE year ago a needle entered the wrist of n
young lady in Elmira, and the other day il was
removed from the right arm of the fellow who
is her "steady comply"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

MAN came into printing office TO beg a M
per, Because said he, 1--WE like to read the
newspaper very much, but our neighbor don't
take none.r
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

Acme Mich. December 9th 1877.
DR. b. J. KENDALL Co, Gents IL sent yoa dollar
fsr your "K-ndzlis SPAWN Cure. Last Summer which
ehred bone SPAWN with half bottle The best linasnt
ever used. Yours respectfully
HOMER HOXIE-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

An ANSWER FOR BRO. BAxTER.-The Rev.
WhangdOOdle Baxter has the most fOurishng
Sunday School in Anstin. few Sundays ago
he asked one of his pupils:
''Who is dat ar mysterious bein' from whom
muffin am hid, who sees and knows everything
what happensi i axed yer dat queshun las Sun
day, and now / wants de answer"
Il knows hit. Ny fodder tOle me de right
answer" said one boy.
s'well, den, who does yer fodder say am dat
mysterious bein' who knows all things what
hapPensf
EDe foahman OBJ de Gran jury
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11
Kendall's SPAWN Cure

trials be the
c0Rns BuNoNs FRosTBTTEs bru Some afraid
good for BEAST good for MAN and know experience that "KENDALLs
SPAWN child
wonderful human hesh and does not blister and be convinced
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

mr.. CHAIRMAN" shouted delegate in a
Florida convention, 81 eysporate what said
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

CLOVER is as good for pigs Ms it is for cows
Fork csn be made cheaper in summer than in
winter.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

CAN a civil engineer inform us how it is that
headsf
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11
Read its Effects on Human Flesh

Waterloo Ind. S-pt 7th. 1sel.
BOfER CAHrEsLI Gentlemen The bstfe Of ReBdal1s
SPAWN Cure purchased Of ha. cured Of
lame back tAer using almost everything eet the relief
almost instant put only little at time
and rubbed IL In well consider II the best niment for
hors. eItant would not do without it for
tines the amount IL costa
Your truly HIRAM LEIB.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

A WOUNDED conscience is able to unparadse
Paradise itself-FaileT
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

BAKER, whose loaves had been growing
'"small by degrees and beautifully less" when
going his round TO serve his customers stopped
at the door of one and knocked very loudly,
when the lady within exclaimed:
''Who's there ~ and was answered:
"The baker"
''What do you wantr
''To leave your bread
s'Well, you needn't make such fuss about il.
Pit il through the keyhole," was her reply.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11
Kendall's SPAWN Cure I!

ssn~s mndh
sd ~fr u~h vowln
sgn q
dch.AL. ii
@pa % % % @ 4 ,. .m h
Dr. KENDALL 4 co, E.osbursh FarLx ys.s.t
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11
Kendall's SPAWN Cure !

We feel positive that have perfect success In every
only good in applying KENDALIS
CURE persevere Of long standing Read
below the experience of Others
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-05-11

200 Nv Adarsss Il. HarisIi Co, Portland Msiss.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30

tor or the person with whom
he talks. His words sound as
if some one had him by the
throat and was choking the breath
out of HIM. The syllables come by
fits and starts, and, as the distorted
face of the speaker cannot be seen,
the mind cannot take the meaning
from the poor wretch's struggling
efforts. When the wires are cross
ing and half a dozen instruments are
opened there is trouble all along the
line. The people go talking to one
another under the impression they
are communicating to the operators
in the central office. Their ire is ex-
cited, a war of words ensues and
only when the receivers are
slammed on the hooks in righteous
indignation does it cease. Why the
word "helloo" is the invariable tele-
phone salutation remains a great
mystery. "You wouldn't exclalm
'hey, thereP or say, you? would
you" asked the superintendent of
the telephone company. "Pd like to
know what else you'd say but
shellO!o
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30

FESTIVE, and, consequently, danger
Gus TO approach. First detach the
harness from the pad, closely tying
up the tugs. Then take them in both
hands and place them gently over
the collar, buckling below without
jerking at the strap-the too COM
mon practice of grooms-after this,
with both hands place the pad over
the back, buckling just tight enough
to prevent the pad from moving out
of place. When this is done the
tugs may be then drawn from sup
port straps and tied snugly up to
them. The collar must be carefully
adjusted to the animals neck, so as
to prevent both scalding and chatting.
Mutton sheep.
There is a lamentable dearth of
good mutton in village and rural
markets, as we know from a per-
sOnal experience of thirty years or
more. Lamb is quite plenty in the
summer months at the retail price of
twenty to twenty-five Gems,
and mutton in the fall months at a
less price than good beef, but the
rest of the year it is hardly to be had
at any price, as if it were a thing out
of season, like strawberries IN De-
cember. We ought to have mutton
the year round, so that delicate
stomachs that eschew veal in spring
and fresh pork in winter, can have a
change from beef and poultry to
mutton chop at their convenience.
Good dog laws have been passed
in some of the states, so that sheep
raising is possible, and the owner
gets damages when his flock is wor-
ried by the dogs. There is improve
ment, but it is very slow, and there
is a great want of information as to
the best breeds of mutton and the
best way to improve the fiocks of
common sheep. The pure South
down is the mutton sheep of all
other breeds, unQuestionably. Then,
after this, the various other families
of Downs, as the Hampshires and
other English shires, taking the
name of the counties in which
they are bred. A SOuIhdown run.
ming with a flock of Merinos or
common sheep, will bring grades
giving an excellent quality of
lamb and mutton, though not equal
in flavor to the purely bred. 1t
these grades are put with a Cots
void ram, we have sheep much in
creased in size, with an excellent
quality of mutton. This cross gives
a carcass from one-quarter to third
larger than the grades and some
times one-half. The lambs mature
early and are great favorites with
the butcher. We have found no
better cross than this in our sheep
breeding. 1t is not necessary to
pay fancy prices for good breeding
rams, either of the Southdowns or
COtswolds, They are quite widely
distributed and can be had at prices
within the reach of any thrifty
farmer.-Americdn AgricuLturiSt.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
SLEEPING WITH sERPENTs.
into Bed with Him 10
Keep warm.
jacksonville tFla.l Times j

Prof. Bell, the Smithsonian insti-
tution's agent, shipped his last col.
lection of snakes to the north two
weeks ago, and already has his mu-
scum full again. 1t is surprising
how rapidly they become domestI.
Gated under his treatment. During
the recent cold snap some of them
that he turns loose in his room at
night climbed up the bed-posts and
coiled themselves up in his blankets.
lie felt them hunting for cosy spots
about his legs, and knew that he
ought to get up and provide them
with some loose straw, but sleepy
man in a warm bed of a cold
night is not over obliging, and
the professor snored on, unsteady
az is his custom. The reptiles
crowded upon one another, quar-
relied, fought a little, Kissed, but the
professor did not bulge; only now
and then he would wake slightly aud
cry softly, "Whist boysl be easy,
boysl"
At last big " coachwhip" snake
found an opening near the edge of
the blankets and slowly glided in.
There was a gentle waving up and
down of the bed clothes as the big
claybank serpent moved about, get
ting himself comfortable, when sud-
denly he slapped about two-thlrds of
his frigid length against the warm
legs of the doing proprietor.
The proprietor made violent re-
mark. He sat up in bed, gathered a
handful of snakes IN each hand, de q.
posting them carefully on the floor;
then, throwing back the bed
clothes, he administered kick that
sent the coaehwhip flying through
the dark to the further end of the
room, encountering the lamp in its
aerial flight, and knocking from its
bracket on the wall the fragile skull
Of an ancient Florida mound
builder.
"Freeze and be hanged" exclaim-
ed the irate professor "Pll share
my bed with you, but you shan't
drive me out" He drew the blan-
kets over him. A few moments
later several pairs of little red eyes
moved mp the bed posts on either
side, and soon snake-herder and
snakes, IN one couch, were lost in
peaceful sleep.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
THE SOUTHERN STATES.

Cedar Key, Florida, bears the dis.
tinction of beng a town in which
not q single cow is owned or kept.
\ gold mine has been discovered
in Warren county, Georgia, which
promises to be one of the richest in
the state.
Daniel O'Leary, the pedestrian,
has been fined $40 by a Memphis
magistrate for shooting off danger
GUS fire works in the city.
Georgia farmers, elated and en-
couraged by the immense oat crop
harvested this year, are putting in a
larger crop than ever this fall.
The New Orleans Times Democrat
and Charleston Net0s and Courier
are agitating the project of organ
izing a southern associated press.
Nashville Banner: From the way
1t looks now the entire cotton crop
of Tennessee will be gathered and
housed within the next four weeks
In the hills and by the Christmas
holidays in the valleys.
A bill providing for the erection
of new capitol has been Introduced
! in the Georgia legislature. The bill
provides that it be built of Georgia
granite and marble, decorated with
Georgia pine and walnut, and that
1t cost 81, 100000.
On the farm of VIM. j. Watkins,
in Buckingham county, Virginia,
is O mound between twenty and
thirty feet high, which is filed with
the bones of men and women, to-
gether with pieces of Indian pottery,
arrow heads and other relics.
The many hundred thousand of
cane fishing poles used in the north
each year are obtained near the head
of Big Black river, in Mississippi
Four hundred thousand poles will
<be cut and shipped this fall, besides
100000 smaller canes for pipe stems.
A Charleston, South. Carolina,
woman blondined her hair with
some vile connection, and then,
while braiding it, held it IN her
mouth. The stuff poisoned her lips,
and tho poison soon found its way
throughout her entire system. After
weeks of doctoring, she recovered,
but only by the merest chance.
A beautiful young woman, sailing
under the name of Nellie, alias An
ME j. Taylor, has been working
Savannah and Macon, Georgia,
Montgomery, Alabama, and Column
bia, South Carolina, on the "Mason's
orphan" dodge, and has been very
successful in defrauding kind-heart-
ed members of the Masonic frater-
nity.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30

paign expenses for years. Yet that
authority must be shaken off TO re-
dress the excuses of the former
system. New men must come to
the front, created for this period, as
the Republicans of 1861 stood pre-
pared for their. The Republican
party has lived more than the life of
parties. Its past is honorable. and is
generally so considered by Demo-
Gratis. That is why there is so little
bad feeling just now. While the
bosses in the Republican party had
become very obnoxious there seemed
to be no way of turning the current
of that party into an entirely new
bed, and the voters in il committed
it to that young generation of war
Democrats who have taken to heart
the lessons of the past, are national
minded men, and understand the
present necessity.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
His Check for Half q Million.
THouston ACe.1

The Galveston Neacs thinks it
would be great thing for Galveston
to get the grand central cotton ex-
position in 1884, but is apprehensive
that she cannot raise the half million,
or million dollars necessary to secure
it. A half million dollars is q goodly
sum, truly, and one might make q
Sabbath days journey through a
rural region and not find man with
that much ready cash about him.
But, in a great city like Galveston,
with bar, beach, and Tom Ochil-
tree, there ought not to be any great
difficulty in raising any amount of
money. And by the way, an idea
strikes us. Why not apply to
Tom Ochiltree? Galveston has just
done the handsome thing for Tom.
She has just made him q congress-
man. She has placed him where,
among the reverend grave and po-
tent seniors of the nation, he can
rear q head whose lurid splendor
rivals the flames of Vesuvius and
Atna- Tom ought to feel grateful.
No doubt he does feel grateful, and
here now, in this grand centennial
business, is q grand opportunity to
show his gratitude IN a grand way.
Let Galveston apply to Tom Ochil-
tree for aid. Let Tom give his check
for half million dollars, and = let
the centennial proceed.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
10. AckIen ana Kellogg.
~Vs ACAHoH HHu AeHhuBBs
Especial to the Cincinnati .Commerci,

Especial to the Cincinnati Commercial
Joseph Hayes Acklen proposes to
contest the seat of William Pitt KEEL
logg as representative TO congress
from the third district of Louisiana
in the next house. He proposes that
Hayes shall make any contest that is
to be made over tho seat before the
house of representatives. Acklen
has retained Senator Jonas, ex-Dis-
Irict Attorney Beckwith and other
distinguished Louisiana lawyers as
counsel to present the case to the
governor. The ground of his appli-
cation is said to be that Kellogg
is not a resident of the dis
trict. 1t is said that his law
yers will try to sustain the position
by a supposed analogy between
state and federal laws. Kellogg was
elected by plurality of 400 over
Acklen and Beattie, Independent
Republican. He had 1000 majority
over Acklen. 1t is understood that
this majority will not be questioned,
in fact in can not be, but it is said the
Democrats of the state are alarmed
al hOliOk6 cuOCCco III tuO llCbCot
and most aristocratic district outside
of New Orleans. The Republican
majority in the appointing district
(McMillan's) is as large as that in
Kellogg's district, yet King, Demo-
crat. csrriedit. Kellogg's organiza-
was perfect. The Democrats
fear that with the whole federal
patronage of Louisiana in his
hands (he is the only Republican
from Louisiana in congress), Kellogg
will be able to get out the colored
and white Republican vote in 1884
In the whole state, as he did in 1882
in his district, and give the Republic
can candidate the electoral vote.
They are counting somewhat upon
the well known enmitv between ex-
Gov. John McEnery and Kellogg to
influence the decision of Gov. sam
McEnery, the present governor OF
the state, ON Acklen's application.
Great pressure will be brought to
bear on Gov. McEnery.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS.

A married woman, with a baby in
her arms, has been committed to the
Michigan reform school.
Ninety death sentences have been
passed in France since 1879, but only
ten of them have been carried out.
A Dresden matchmaker has made
a paper watch which is said to be as
serviceable as those in ordinary use.
AT a stenographic exhibition in
Paris, twenty-four different systems
of shorthand were upon view.
Among other curiosities was postal
card containing A, 900 words.
New Orleans is to erect a monu-
ment to Margaret Houghery, the de-
ceased benefactress of the orphan
asylum in the city, and will be the
first city in the Union to thus honor
a woman.
The color line is strongly drawn
in Boston, and writer of that city
thinks that if genial affiliations OF
race ever come in America they will
be in the south rather than in the
north.
On some parts of the African
coast the shark is valued as a god,
and nubbed as Jon-Jon. Its mouth
is the sure way to heaven, and three
or four times a year human victim
is sacrificed to it.
Silk culture is a feature of the
colored industrial school establish
ed by Mr.. Sam'l r. Lowery, a colored
man, in Huntsville, Alabama. He
expects to raise three or four hun
dred pounds of silk next year.
During the past quarter of GEN.
fury England has reduced her ma
tional debt ABOUT $375,000,000. In
the seventeen years since the close of
the war the United States has re-
duced it's debt nearly three times as
much.
The largest ship is the Great Eas-
tern. She is $50 feet long, eighty
three feet broad and sixty feet deep,
being 22,927 tons burden, 1875
gross and 1884 net register. She
was built at Millwall, on the Thames,
and was launched January 81, 1857.
The old story of bull in a china
shop was sadly realized by Gin
cinnati dealer the other day. A
risky COW ran into a crockery store,
and in a few moments of solid
bovine enjoyment which followed
before the unwelcome visit or was
expelled, she managed to demolish
about 5000 worth of stock.
Louisa Rossing sold cigars, candy
and whisky in a small store at Fort
Dodge, Iowa. When the prohibito-
ry liquor law came into force she
refused 10 obey it, aud was senten-
ced to pay fine of $3.50, with the
alternative of forty-five days in Jail.
She had no money, and when an Off
Ger went to take her to prison he
fouud her hanging dead.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
An Internal Revenue Orissr Saved.

PROVIDENCE, Aug. 81, 1882.
Editor of Boston Herald:
Dear Sir-During my term of service in the
Internal Revenue Department of the United
States, at the time my Office was in this city,
was afflicted with severe attack of Kidney
Disease, and at times suffered intensely. re-
ceived the medical advice of some Of our best
physicians for long time, without being bene-
flied by their prescriptions. Being discouraged
by the failure of the doctors to help me, and
being urged to use Hunts Remedy by friend
who had tested its merits, although reluctant to
try patent medicine, was finally induced to
try the Remedy, and procured two bottles of it,
and commenced taking it faithfully according
to the directions.
Before had taken it three days the excrucist-
ing pains in my back had disappeared, and be
fore had used two bottles l was entirely cured.
Whenever, from over exertion or a violent cold,
the pains in my kidneys return, few doses of
Hunts Remedy quickly effects cure.
Before closing beg to mention the remark
able cure OF a friend of mine in New York City
to whom recommended this valuable medicine.
He was suffering severely from an attack which
was pronounced by his physician decided case
of Bright's Disease Of the Kidneys. l obtained
two bottles of Hunts Remedy for him, and be
commenced taking 1t, and began to improve at
once, and was speedily restored to heath, and
he attributes the saving of his life, under the
blessing of merciul Providence, to Hunts
Remedy.
Another friend of mine in New York, to
whom / recommended Hunts Remedy, was
suffering severely from kidney disease, and was
entirely cured OF it after using this wonderful
medicine only short period
Feeling deeply grateful for the great benefits
experienced by my friends and myself from the
use Of Hunts Remedy, feel IL 10 be my duty,
/ as well as great privilege, to furnish you this
voluntary and unsolicited statement of facts for
the information of your large number OF readers,
many OF whom are undoubtedly suffering from
this widely spreading scourge, and / believe
| that it is the best medicine now known, and
that it will cure all cases Of kidney diseases that
/ can be cured.
/ shall be pleased to confer with any one who
may desire interview regarding the state
| ments herein contained.
Truly you're,
RICHMOND HEN SHAW,
th&tu&Wy 80 Messer Street.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
Telephonss ana Talkers.
rNav Vors Tt,,o

There some peculiarities about the
telephone service that do not come
under the ordinary observation. The
letter as" when sent oyer the wires
sounds like "F.n An inquiry came
from the upper part OF the city to
one exchange down town asking If
il had subscriber named Fever No
such name could be found on the
list. BY accident the manager dis
covered that the name was Sever.
He paid close attention to the sound
Of the letter esp afterwards. and was
surprised to find that IL invariably
came over the wires "Fn InfigRres,
tEenty-seven can rarely be told from
thirty-seven. or the people who use
the telephone the stainmerlng man
is the most agonizing to the opera
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
October "a was the beginning of

October "a was the beginning of
the new year of Islam, in which the
Mohammedan Messiah is expected
to appear. Therefore there was
much excitement at Constantinople (;
the astrologers studied the heavens
with great eagerness, and the sultan
deigned to interest himself in their
proceedings. Some mysterious per-
son sent him from Mecca scimeter
with characters craven upon its
blade, and two white doves. 1t is
difficult to discern the relation be-
tween the emblems of love and the
symbol of slaughter--unless it sig
nifty that through the sword peace
shall come. This would remind one
of the famous phrase of Suwarrow
after the Warsaw massacre.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-11-30
The Seizure OF Paine's Works.
Toronto (Canana) Globe.1

Mr.. Patton, the collector of GUS
toms at this port, who, judging by
his zeal as heresy hunter, must be
a lineal descendant of Torquemada
on one side aud Claverhouse ON the
other, yesterday confiscated an inn
portation by Mr.. w. b. Cooke, book
seller, of Paine's complete theologi-
cal works. The ridiculous character
of the confiscation is illustrated by
the fact that hundreds of Chicago
newspapers yesterday came freely
into Canada by mail containing re-
ports of Ingersoll's lecture last Sum
day against Chris tiahity. If the
con6scation were impartially en-
forced there would be no liberty of
even the newspaper press. But pos
sibly the Dominion government only
objects to eighteenth century skep-
ticism, which is much milder than
that of the nineteenth.