Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-11-15
WHEN clog dancer dies his leeateea

dollars you owe p win" vi my dear fell fell
low, you see all my money is in my safe,
and have forgotten the combination. /
have worked out by algebra that there
are five million possible combinations,
and L am working it out. 1 may strike
the right one any moment. So long |"
A Boston editor bounced the cook.
cutfed two children, left his wife in tears.
and made Decline for the office and
wrote: "f you want to make the world
brighter and better, begin by being kind
and loving to those IN the small circles
OF your own family, and from that as a
center, work out as you are permitted to
60"
for some time that my shirts always
come from the laundry one week too
late. How is this ?" john" Excuse
me, lieutenant, but your shirts are al
ways so clean that I think it pity to
send them to the laundry, and SO [ wear
them another week. "-Ftiegende B1Bt-
ter.
LITTLE Fritz is sent to the grocer with
two bottles, one for salad oil and the
other for petroleum. At the door he
falls and breaks one of the bottles.
" What are you going to do about it
now?" asked the grocer. "Oh, you can
put them both in the same bottle. Father
can get them apart again. He is
chemist. "-Fziegende Bl0tter.
SIGNS: When a man in a new suit of
: clothes IS seen entering a gin mill with
another man, It's going to be wet. When
the preacher begins his sermon by say
ing g will divide nay subject into TWEEN
ty-elght heads, it's going to be dry.
When the members Of the brass band all
swell out and grow very red in the face,
it's a sign of wind.-Loo4iSVaII Courier
| Journal.
ONCE upon time tenor went to the
genial and gentle critic Darthnay and
said, Indignantly: "Oh, come, now, I
say, what makes you SO hard on a fell
low?" $50 hard on you?" gasped the
stupefed critic. EYES," retorted the
singer. "Here you write, Very few
tenors have ever equaled him, not even
Nourit or Duprez.' Damme, sir, Ineyer
was equaled by anybody"
81 GO for a season but I return anon"
playfully remarked the merchant when
he left the Office at 1915 A. M. "What
does he mean?" timidly asked the new
boy. "Oh, replied the boy who wasn't
new, "going for season is stepping out
for Glove, and returning anon is COM
ing back anonymously-that is, sneak
ing around when you least expect him.
trying to catch you reading the paper
and eating peanuts.
A MATTER of fact: Little Eva, five
years old, goes to visit her grandparents
in the country. The morning after her
arrival her grandmother asks her if she
has said her prayer. "Oh, replies the
} child, 81 do that at night when [ go to
bed. . " But you should thank God in
the morning for the good sleep he has
given you" But, grandmother" OBJ
jects the young philosopher, ''I didn't
! sleep last night. - french Paper.
) MANY persons who think the world is
} cold and unfeeling are simply lacking in
tact. In asking favors everything de
[ ponds on how you distribute your re-
quests. There is no harm in asking a
legal friend to subscribe to stock in a
, new cemetery, medical friend to stop
at steamship Office and secure you a
state room for Europe, or bank cashier
to advise with you on question of law;
but don't ask lawyer for free consul
tation, don't ask doctor to buy ceme-
terry stock, and don't ask bank cashier
to risk an arrest by purchasing a ticket
for Europe.
OLD Ike got up at 4 cc,ocg Yesterday
, morning and wenr out into the wood
shed to shoot cficken-thief. Looking
up into the sky he saw the comet. Soon
as MS eye caught sight of it he threw
down his gun, ran into the house, and
woke ''de ole 'ooman up by yelling:
sfGit up, ole CONAN; git up an say yo'
pra'rs quick, kase de debbiil's gone to
frowin' red -hot balls O. fab at de ear'f.
and de 'bellion dun commenced. Git
up an go see TO- yo'se'f, den cum back
an pray, Hanner-pray loud an don't
fo'git ter menshun me as yer gwine
long" and the sole man stepped out
side the door to show the old woman
"dat ar charyot OBJ fab when ne fell
into the cellar, and ode ole 'ooman
tainted and fell in on top of him.
THERE was no probability that she
would marry him, this fair daughter of
the South, with her naughty air and
) classic Tennesseean face, so she frankly
told him SO at once. "But hear me
through, he passionately impIored.
II have not enumerated all my claims
upon your favorable consideration. This
very afternoon [ met Col. Bungstarter
on the street and shot him down in his
tracks" ''You are not deceiving me q"
asked the lovely creature, eagerly. eff
you doubt me, hasten to the neighbor-
ing drug store. -Four doctors are already
there picking the buckshot out of him."
'"This is too heroic, cried the girl, with
enthusiasm, and when she lifted hey
sunny curls from his shoulder five min
utes later she had promised to wed him
ere tie crocuses bloomed again. Brook