St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-11-10
SQIIiiS.

Most any man can grab gun by the
muzzle and pull it over fence or out
of IA wagon, but the second or third
time will leave the gun without an
owner st. Louis Globe.
A Cambridge man arrived in from
tier village recently just as Il gang of
cowboys had ''taken the town" His
first exclamation was: 'HIIave you
folks a college here already ?"
CLOVIS Shuttle What's his reputa
ton on the street ?" inquired an anX-
ious broker. "Shuttle Why his word
is as good as his bond :" "And what is
his bond worth ?" "About three cents
on IA dollar"
They say that the comet will see us
later and knock the essential tar out of
our planet next fall. and the result in
Ohio looks as though we might expect
some awful calamity to happen most
any time Laramie Boomerang.
Nowadays, when the traveller in the
Holy Land asks to he directed to the
Mount of Olives, he receives some such
reply as follows: "GO up to the tele-
graph station turn to the right and
follow the railroad until you see beer
garden then steer for the beer garden,
and you can't miss it,"
With the approach of the dull sea
son Niagara hackmar named David
Davis bundled up his team and went
to Red Wing, Mimi, but the move
| proved mistake. His first customer
! happened to be IL Leadville man, and
poor Davis was instantly shot when he
mentioned the amount of the fare.
care you the judge of the repro
bates p said Mrs. PartingtOn, as she
walked into an office of Il Judge of pro-
bate. 81 am a judge of PROBATE was
the reply. 'Well, that's rs | expect"
quoth the old lady. "YOu see my faith
er died detested and left several little
infidels, and | want to be their execu-
TONER"
"In her story "Dr. Zay," Elizabeth
Stuart Phelps tells about an old woman
in Maine, whose description of the mis-
fortunes of her son reminds one of
Ohio. She said ''He had the measles,
n the chicken pork, N the mumps, II
fell in love with the schoolma'm, II got
religion, n lost the prize for elecOotin,
all in one darned winter Inter
Ocean.
Two cOuntrymen from Onion Creek
came to an Austin lawyer to consult
about bringing joint suit against a
neighbor. The first granger began to
tell the lawyer the cause of the trouble,
embelishing it rather literally. "Don't
tell him any lies, Bill" interrupted the
other. "It is his business to put in the
lies. You will get him confused if yOu
go to mixing your lies with his
defective memory you
ever before been punished by the
law ?" asked an Austin Justice of col
Ored culprit. ''Ies, / called man a
liar, and had to pay fine" "Is that
the only time you have come III conflict
with the law - "NOw dat yer speaks
oh hit, jedge, ! bleeves 1 was in de
penitentiary for ten yeahs, if disre-
members myself. y Texas Siftings.
"Widder Jenkins" said an Ohio
farmer as he hustled into her house one
morning, 'I am man of business. I'm
worth $1,000 and want you for wife.
| give YOU three minutes in which 70
answer" II don't want ten seconds,
old man ~ she replied as she shook ont
/. the dish-clOth. "I'm a woman of bus
mess, worth $4,000, and ! wouldn't
2 marry you if you were the last man on
earth | give you "A minute and a half
to git ~ He got.-[Wall Street News.