The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-11-10

and, raising the umbrella with vicions
jerk, tipped Mr. Spooyendyke over on
his beam ends.
"Dod gast the measly squirt!" he
yelled as soon as he recovered his
breath. "What did you want to dis
tract my attention forr and he shook
the umbrella at his wife as he rose
dripping to his feet. "Another time
when Pm fixing this fountain you get
under the bed, ye hear?" and Mr..
Spoopendyke glared around him and
approached the enemy once more.
This time he held the umbrella
straight out before him, cropping along
behind it with the key. He Lad almost
reached the rod when the stream struck
the outside of the umbrella, and as it
whirled Mr.. Spoopendye spun around,
landing in sitting position on the
fountain, which lifted him about a foot
and rolled him in the gutter.
"That's what ye were waiting to see,
was it?'' he shouted as he climbed to
his feet and shook his fist at his tremb-
ling wife. "Been roosting up there to
watch this display of genius against
brute force Got an idea hid away some
where that this fountain and me amt
on friendly terms?" and he whanged
the umbrella across the steadily pour
ing stream, got caught once more and
landed in the gutter again, this time
on the back of his neck. "How dye
like the show?" he squealed, bounding
to his feet. "There's going to be a
concert after the circus!" and he charg-
ed once again with his umbrella, which
this time was jerked out of his hands
and rolled over in the street. "Procure
your tickets of the gentlemanly ushers !"
and he grabbed his weapon and made
another onslaught. "Not that the cir
Gus performance is concudedl" he con-
tinued as he fell clear over the stream
aud ruled Into Ine umbrella. 1.-The
best is yet to come!" and in trying to
straighten the umbrella, which had
turned inside out, he caught the foun-
tain again and slid down it OH to the
curbstone with a sound like bung
starter on barrel.
"My dear, why don't you -" be-
gan Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Ain't II" roared her husband.
"Praps you know more about the per-
sonal habits of this dod gasted squirt
than / dol" and he slammed at it with
the umbrella and kicked at it until his
leg was loose. "Maybe you've got
some political influence here" and
lowering his head behind the umbrella
he charged again. The water tipped
the umbrella straight, poured up into it
and fell in deluge on Mr.. Spoopen.
dykes head and shoulders. "Don't be
alarmed, laules!-' ne squeezed. "Inere' 5
brella down over it like an extinguisher.
ga competent corps of dod gasted off,
cials always on handw but at this juno
ture the umbrella ripped from handle
to whalebone tip, the stream caught
Mr.. Spoopendyke under the chin and
landed him pale and gasping against
the fence.
"This.is what | meant, DEAR" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, boldly approaching
the fountain, kicking the nuzzle over
and turning the water off. "That's
what wanted"
81 know what ye want!" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke, fairly beside himself with
rage when he saw how easy it was done.
aye only want little political influ-
ence and brick chimney TO be Board
of Water Commissioners If / could
kick like you, I'd build wall around
me, get into washtub, and rent out as
WHAT %aae ye Howl ssPs ior al OantSn1 Ss tMa?ted
ye only wanted 10 kick it over, what
made ye stand around and devil me
into building that squirt? Some day
I'm going 10 pnt meter in you and
start a private wator-tax!' and Mr..
Sppoopcndyke wrenched oil the hose
without waiting to uncouple it, and
started for the honse.
care You wet dear?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendykc regarding him affection
ately.
"Wet!" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Man is four-fifths water, and the other
fifth of me is little moist; that's all ~
and Mr.. Spoopendyke plunged up stairs
and into bed.
II don't care" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke. ale didn't stand still
long enough to get chilled, and if he
keeps mad for an hour longer he won't
catch cold!" and acting on this new
'pathy, Mrs. Spoopendyke busted her
self at the bedside until her husband
fell asleep from the exhaustion of an
ger and snored the snore of the iust.-
[Brooklyn Eagle.