The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-02
THE PARAGRAPH HIEND.

Morunter-Song of the turkeys.
After Thanksgiving-Turkey bones.
Won't make his MARIAN expert pen
man.
A vessel without q mast-A schooner O
beer.
| To communism beer saloon the ship
of state - a schooner.-N. o. Pic.
Translation from the Omnibus: House
wife-"Before you employ must you
ask, Have you one lover'' zone? should
smilew
A bear broke into the house of Nevads
man the other night. He was away and
his wife thought it was he coming home
drunk. The bear cannot rccover-Chicd
90 Tribune.
1t IS a remarkable fact that Lewis Cass
John G. Calhoun, Martin Van Buren, and
Daniel Webster were born in 17S2-10C
years ago. 1t was bad year to be born
IN, for all these gentlemen arc now dead.
A young lady of Missouri slaslled an in
sultlng fop with knife. She probably
wanted TO cut northumberland.
The Marshall 0owa) Times. Republican
says: Anyhow we saved part of Iowa and
collared the shoc.str.ng district IN Missls
sippi. Will some good brother lead us IN
prayer"
Secretary Folger has announced that
bonds of a large denomination can be eX
changed for small ones on personal appll
cation to the treasury Washington will
be full of editors this winter.
ADULTERATtoN.
Our beer is full OF awful things,
There's terra alba in our candy;
False notes too oft the tenor sings,
Our brandy's anything but brandy;
Our tea would make Celestials weep,
Our woolens bubble DER with cotton;
Good fruit is always on the top,
While underneath is placed the rotten.
Worcester Sun.
Gen. Sherman declines the nomination
for presidency rendered him by Bob H.
gersoll. 1t was Bob that nominated Blaine
once, he appears to remember.
Brave Bear, the Indian murderer, who
was hanged in Montana the other day, ap.
peared on the scaffold dressed in black
trousers and linen duster. Brave Bear
evidently knew where he was going.-CM-
cago Tribune.
A Chicago paper advertises for "a liar, a
stupendous liar of unblushlng proper
tons" Here's all opening for the editor
of the late La Sale Times.
Certain excavations recently made in
Nevada revealed in the sandstone the dis.
tinct impress Of a woman's foot nineteen
inches long, left there ages and ages ago.
And yet they have been playing st. LOUIS
OIL on US as a modern city .-BOston Gu
zette.
Mr.. Beecher, in his sermon last Sunday,
said: "AIy friends, you and l are no bet
ter than many men who are now wearing
striped jackets and breaking stones at Sing
Sing" 1t Is very wrong of Mr.. Beecher
to taunt men who are locked up and have
no chance to reply.
The following is the reply of a fond
father, who had just received letter from
his son, student in his own alma mater:
Nj DEAR Son: Accept my Leartlest
congratulations. l was engaged to the
same Miss Bunter when I was in college,
and can appreciate the fun you are having.
Go it while you are young. Your loving
FATHER.
A new thing in campaign literature is the
cookbook, which was used effectively in
one of the Senatorial Districts of Penn.
sylvania. The Republican candidate sent
q cookbook "to the wife OF every Demo.
crat in the district" and was elected,
though the district has heretofore been
Democratic.
WHAT DID he DO IT WITH?
Now are many public places
very solemn scenes revealing,
As with sad and serious faces,
In their empty pockets feeling
Clerks converse with mien detected,
And they wonder
Wnat IN thunder
Hubbell did with all the money he collected.
Sad that such man should euchre,
At the game that he was playing,
Clerks and scrubbcrs Of their lucre,
Each official income haying;
But another thought is sadder-
That the cash is
Dust and ashes
That's the thought that daily makes them
mad ana madder.
Now they all declare that Hubbell,
By his urging and his pressing,
Brought the party into trouble
Through the system Of assessing,
But the public, quite Disguised,
Largely voted
That the noted
Ilubbell crowd Of Congressman could not be
trusted.
Glad are all the clerks and scrubbers
That their present case no worse is,
And the Hubbell gang OF clubbers