Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-01-11

7-year-old sister at the other end Of the
room" Well, Julie, you have q new
brother now" Julie" Yes, but mother
said to papa the other day that she was
afraid you would never amount to much,
but that it seemed to be Sarah's last
chance" There was an intense silence,
followed by rapid play of knives and
forks. A boy once asked his father who
1t was that lived next door to him, and
when he heard the name inquired if he
was fool, but very sensible man, but
why did you ask the question % "Be-
cause" replied the boy, "mother said
t'other day you were next door to fool. +"
A rustic youngster asked out to tea
with friend was admonished TO praise
the eatables. Presently the butter was
| passed to him, when he remarked
Very nice butter-what there is of it, :"
and, observing smile, he added, ''and
plenty of it-such as it is. "
q" Is your father at home % inquired
the man of the little girl who admitted
him. els your name Bill ?" she asked.
Some people call me So" he replied.
"Then he is not at home, for I heard
him tell John if any bill came, to say he
was not at home"
A little boy came running up to his
mother. Ma, ma, Cousin Bill he's In
the parlor with sister Jane, and he keeps
biting her." "Wbat ! William biting
my Jane?" Yes, m. I seed him do it
ever SO many times. Bite her right on
the mouth, and the tarnal girl didn'thol-
Ter bit, mother" "Ah. never mind,
Ned; [ guess he didn't hurt her much. .
"Hurt her ? cracky why, she loves it.
she does; COS she kept a letting him and
didn't say nothing, but just smacked her
lips as if it was good, she did. I seed it
all through the key-hole. I'll fire taters
at him the next time; see if [ DON'T
The case of little Johnny is that of one
of those small boys who are forever see
ing things In an original way. He
wanted to go to church. His mother
was afraid he would make a noise, but
his father said, "Johnny knows better
than to make noise in church." SO he
went. He kept very still until the last
prayer. By that time he had grown
tired of sitting still, and was standing on
the pew cushion, with his back toward
the pulpit. When the lady who was sit
ting in the next seat bowed her head for
prayer, Johnny thought she was crying,
and his sympathy got the better of his
| Judgment. He leaned over and said to
the lady in O tone that was meant for q
whisper, but which was only too plainly
| heard: "Poor lady What ee matter?
Does 90 'tomach ache?"
But, after all, the best humor con.
nected with the subject of the modern
small boy is the boyish humor-that
which reflects the fresh young nature of
the boy himself. This is illustrated for
instance, in his correspondence. A Cam
bridge lady sent her small boy out into
the country for vacation not long since.
After a week of indescribable anxiety
the worried mother received the follow
/ ing consoling letter from her rascally
son: II got here all right, and forgot
to write before; it is a very nice place to
have fun. A teller and / went out in q
boat and the boat tipped over, and the
man got me out, and / was so full of
water L didn't know nothin' for good
long while. The other boy has got to
be buried after they find him. His
mother came from Chelsea, and she cries
all the time. A boss kicked me over
and L have got to have some money to
pay doctor for fixin' my head. We are
! goin' to set an old barn on fire tonight,
and l should smile if we don't have bully
fun. lost my watch, and I am very
sorry. / shall bring home some mud
turtles, and I shall bring home tame
woodchuck if 1 can get 'em in my trunk. I"
Another boy, writing to his chum in
the winter time, says: "We have had a
bully snow-storm. and me and the fellers
hev good times, and two days we didn't
hev no school, and SO we had great fun.
Skinny Bates and me catched some pig
gins and tied their legs together and
they flew agin telegraf wire and got
hung up, and some fremen had to put
up ladder and git 'em down. The po-
liceman is trying to find out who done
it. Hookies' brother has got to go to
jail for putting powder in the old cob
blers coal-box; it liked to blowed his
head off when he put the coal into the
stove, and he swore awful about it. I
like to plug balls at folks, but it is
very hard work to shovel snow. A boy
stole my overshoes up to the skating
rink and I went for him; my nose is all
swelled up; he was bigger than me.
A couple of diminutlve specimens of
the genus small boy were together on the
street, one spinning a gorgeous-colored
humming-top, and the other gazing on
the toy with look in which combina-
ton of admiration and envy was plainly
depicted. Finally the owner of the toy
said to the other boy:
Why don't your dad buy you top
like this %
''Cause I wouldn't have a top like
that; my dads sent off to San cisco for a
top what plays an organ like there is up
at the Methodist church, and sings
Hold the Fort and Yankee Doodle
Dandy"
"Oh, shut up yer mouth; your dad
couldn't buy top like that; cause I
heard my mar say he couldn't pay his
store bill. and that your mother had to
turn your last years alpaca to look half
way decent at church last Sunday"
Well, don't care anyway" sobbed
the topless boy, "our baby's got the
worms, and your folks amt even got no
baby to have 'em.'