Daily globe., 1882-09-20
re .yntith Family Reunion:


My name is Smith," said tall country
man, entering the city editors room.
'Glad to hear you have such a widely
known and usually respected cognomen,"
said the editor.
''Yes, my name is Smith," repeated the
countryman, slowly sliding into a chair,
and gazing thoughtfully out of the window.
You see I've just been over to jersey to
the convention. Big time over there.
Never met so many relatives in all my life
Three thousand of 'em plump there. Ev-
cry man Smith. 1 tell We we're rousin
Smiths, neyther. I could see that, an I
had a darn good chance ter Judge 'em.
Every one O. that three thousand JUS got
right down ter business at once. Drew up
a lot O. resolutions, an after business went
in fur high old time. We h.d, you bet.
I was introduced till couldn't stand up.
un so was the rest O. the company. Every
time 1 was introduced the other fellow
would say: Lets smile,' or Lets have
ball. or somthin O. that sort. Well, ye
know I didn't exactly understand the fust
two or three fellows, but it didn't take me
very considerable time ter find out what
they was up to. I always said yes after
that, an, always took apple jack. That
seemed ter be the most inno-
cent loekin drink goin' round-leastwise it
looked most like water, but, bless your
soul, it's the most deceivin' stuff you ever
see. Yes, it's just ightnin', but the Smiths
seemed ter take ter it like babies, an I, be-
in a Smith, didn't want ter let go my end
O. ther saw. I knew what was adoin'. /
could feel it a creeping down inter my legs
an a buzzin' around in my head, but
wasn't agoin' ter cave with three thousand
relations standin' around takin' me in.
Some o. the other fellers seemed to be %
the same mind as I was, fur I noticed they
didn't shirk the pizon' stuff no more nor 1
did. Well, we gan ter get kinder mixed
all round. Did you ever drink apple
jack?"
''Never touch anything" said the editor.
''Well, apple jack is right there every
time," said the countryman, ''and it just
took hold on our entire family. You never
see such mixin' up of Smiths afore in all
your life. We was tangled up more nor a
modern bank cashiers accounts, and we
amt unraveled yet"
How is that:" asked the editor.
s'Well, you see, we spent whole day
tryin' to sort ourselves out, and the more
we tried to arrange things the more trouble
we fell inter. You see, we was all Smiths,
and that mixed up the hull business.
We couldn't say who was which.
| dunno whether I'm myself, or my third
cousin, or, perhaps, somebody else's broth
Or. un' that's the way with the hull crowd.
| We started in ter sort out the Johns first,
un' that foored US. Every other man was
John Smith, un' we couldn't begin ter
place 'em. Then come the Ebenezzars
| There were more Ebenezzars than you
could count in month. Then the
Jameses and the Georges un'-why, bless
your heart. its just terrible. Yer don't get
me ter no more family gatherins."
"But you surely know your own name ?''
said the editor.
Il did, but don't no more" said the
countryman with sigh. IF I'm who I
was when l left hum, belong out in York
state, but 1 may be somebody else, un' then
l don't know where I live. I was sorted
out with the Jameses then somebody swore
I was John, un' afore I knew it they had
me over with the Richards. 1 tell We that
applejack JUS finished up the hull Smith
tribe, un' no mistake. Now I JUS come ir
| ter get your advice in the matter. If &c
hum un' find live somewhere else, why
I'm left, un' if don't go hum where do
liver"
''Giye it up said the editor.
''Then you can't give me no advice?'
s'Fm afraid your case is hopeless"
'Well, now you JUS bet don't GO to NJ
more family gatherings SO long as Tn
Smith, said tho countryman, backing
out of the door and walking in dazed wa,
down stairs.