davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
Ludicrous Metaphors.

Nothing is more laughable in a. public
speaker than a msapplied phrase or an
outburst of figurative nonsense. 1t has
the unexpectedness of wit, made doubly
funny by the grotesqueness of ignor-
ance. Here are some specimens, from
collection of ''miXed metaphors made
by German author:
a pan-Germanist Mayor of a Rhine
land corporation in an address to the
Emperor, said. mo Austria, no Prus-
STA, one only Germany, such were the
words the mouth of your Imperial Ma
jesty has always had in its eye"
A German preacher, speaking of q
repentant girl, said, She knelt in the
temple of her interior. and prayed fer
venfly," feat no India-rubber doll
could initiate.
The German parliamentary oratory OF
the present day affords many examples
of metaphor mixture. but two must suf.
flee. Count Frankenberg is the author
of them. A few years ago he pointed
out to his countrymen the necessity of
selling the stream of Time by the fore
lock; and in the last session he told the
Minister of War that if he really thought
the French were seriously attached 10
peace, he had better resign Office and
return TO his paternal oxen"
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

the scene which followed can be better
imagined than described.
Lord Branningsford, who was very
wealthy, had two sons, one named Lion
aid and the other Agernon. In I847
Lionald was married to young lady Of
high birth by the name of Elizabeth
Stratton. Agernon was IA frequent visit
or at the family residence, and, owing
TO quarrel between the two brothers
over the young wife. Agernon embarked
for America. and arrived in San Fran
cisco in the Fall of 1850. According TO
his own story,h he first engaged as book
keeper in the wholesale house of A. p.
Hotaling, in which position he remain
ed for year and half, when a defal-
cation in his accounts caused his dis
charge. He then went to mining, and
his history from that epoch down 10 the
time when he was found a penniless
tramp in this city is but the story of the
many who have gone the same way
About two years ago his brother died,
and only five months ago his father also
died, leaving him heir TO four-fifths of
the immense estate, -one-lfth going to
the cousin. who was made the residuary
legatee if he could prove Agernon's
death. This he set ont to do, but COM
ing to San Francisco he found the living
heir Vagabond. - Woodland, (Cdt0
Democrat
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
Curing the Itch.

A frightful death occurred lately at
the aims house in Holbeach, Eng. II
appears that there had been an outbreak
of itch in the house, and an apparatus
was devised to disinfect those suffering
from the disease. This consists of a
large box in which the patient stands
with his head out of the top, while sui
phur is burnt within. A young man of
twenty-five was placed in the box for
treatment, but was left in longer than
the stipulated time and it is supposed
was forgotten. Cries being heard by u
man passing the room. he entered, and
at once relieved the patient, who inn
mediately' fell in a fit. He was very
much chasred and burnt, and skin and
flesh fell off different parts of his body.
He died some hours after. A verdict
of manslaughter was returned against
the master of the house.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

de had just got home from visit to
the city. and was seated in the corner
store telling the boys his experience
with them pesky bulls and bears what
make the prices for our wheat"
Il tell you fellows" he said, tits no
use of talking; they'd beat old Satan
himself / thought / was pretty smart,
but I'll be gol burned if they didn't get
away with me.
You see, we was bettin' on what the
price of wheat would be, when aloug
came an innocent looking fellow, who
was pretty loud in his talk, and said he'd
bet me liver that prices would 90 up
two cents afoge they would six. Well,
would you believe it, / took that bet,
and had to water the hull crowd"
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
Sayings.

Douglas Jerrold said: e'The ugliest of
trades have their moments of pleasure.
Now, if were n graYedigger. or even
hangman. there are some people could
work for with a great deal of enjoy
ment''
Goethe said: Il have ever been con-
sidered one of Fortunes chiefest favor
ties, yet truly there has been nothing
but toll and care, and in my seventy
fifth year may say that have never
had four weeks of genuine pleasure.
The stone was ever to be rolled up
anew
Sidney Smith said: when began to
thump the cushion of my pulpit, on first
coming TO Eorston, the accumulated
dust of one hundred and fifty years
made such cloud that for some min
utes lost sight of my congregation"
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
A California Romance
Foot-Paa FAILS Heir to Great Estate in Eng

a Foot-Pad Fans Heir to Great Estate in Eng
land.
A few days ago a gentleman by the
name of Roderv Eldridge arrived in
Woodland and took rooms At the Capital
Hotel. He stated that he was an En-
glishman. and that his object IN visiting
California was to find man by the
name of Agernon Brahningsford, who
had left his home in England in the
year 1850. Mr.. Eldridge, who is cousin
of the missing man, arrived in San
Francisco about one month ago. Late
last evening he happened to step into
the Capital Hotel saloon and overheard
the barkeeper. Patsey Donneliy, incident
ally mention the name of ''Old Ag. MIR.
Eldridge, thinking that possibly this
was an ellipsis of the name of the man
for whom he was in search. made fur
Their inquiry about him. Mr.. Donnelly
informed him that 'sOld Ag' was sort
of dead beat" whom he had known
for years as a tramp, and supposed that
every saloon-keeper in the land was IA
miliar with him, but he knew nothing
of his history. At present he was en-
gagged in saving wood for a gentleman
near by. and managed to spend his
money as fast as he earned il. Mr.. Eli
bridge, having been directed, sought
out the man in question, whom he found
engaged in that healthful occupation,
and at once recognized him as MIN
of English birth, which greatly increas-
ed his hope of success. After a series
of questions We're answeredb by "Old Ag."
it became very apparent to Mr.. Eldridge
that he was the same person that he
was looking for, Notwithstanding his
forlorn and dilapidated appearance.
Finally Mr.. Eidridge who. by the way,
is an English gentleman of the strictest
type--yentured the remark: swell.
old Ag,' as they seem to call you here,
allow me to introduce myself as your
cousin. ROBBERY Eidridge. have come
to tell you that your old father. Lord
Branningsford, is dead. and that you
are heir fofour fiftis of his estate, which
is about s.. 900, 000.' To say that "Old
Ag," was startled by the unexpected
news wonld not express one-half, and
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03


Make note of this: The republicans in
congress have majority sufficiently large
to unseat democrats, and thus rob them of
the legitimate fruits of theirelection; but
when they fail to relieve the people of
some of the onerous burdens of, taxa
ton, they, in the most cowardly manner,
endeayor to shift the responsibility on to
shoulders of the democrats. Now. the
points: Ifthey have majority sufficient
to nnseat democrats, they can just as
easily pass a bill for the reduction of taxa
ton were they so disposed. But they arc
not and have not the moral courage to
accept the responsibility OF the failure to
perform what is plainly for the best inter
ests of the people at large.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
The prohibitionists of Nebraska, encour-

The prohibitionists of Nebraska, encour-
aged by the signal success of their brethren
in Iowa, are preparing to take their state
into the prohibitory column. They have
called a convention to meet at Lincoln on
the 18th of September to agitate the ques
ton of a prohibition amendment to the
constitution. The republican party viii
make an effort in every state in the union
to enact prohibitory amendment, and
the sooner those republicans who are OPP
posed to sumptuary laws leave the old
concern, the sooner will they put a stop to
the extreme programme the republicans
have laid out for themselves. The prohi-
bition issue is before the country, and it
must be met promptly and decidedly.
Already Indiana and Nebraska are dis
cussng the question, and Ohio and Illinois
will come next unless prompt quietus is
put upon the radical intentions of the
republicans. The success of the republic
can party at the polls this fall means an
endorsements of the party's policy. and the
chief plank in their next presidential plat
form, if successful, will BE prohibition.
This can be depended upon.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

Said Congressman Hewitt. few days
ago, in debate in the house on the tax BILL
The republican majority are dead to
conscience; they are dead to the appeals of
the suffering industries of the land; and
there is left but ono effectual remedy, which
the people can apply-smash the machine. :
I call upon the capitalists, call upon the
laborers now on strikes, call upon every
man who does not want to arrest the
prosperity OF this country, to come for
ward in the fall elections and smash the
republican machine"
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

The Mining Record reads Mr. Knox,
comptroller of the treasury, a lecture on
what it terms the mistaken notion of his
relationship to congress. 'All the utter
ances of Mr.. Comptroller Knox" it says,
I are so saturated with the arts and meth
DDS of the highered attorney, not of the
highest class, including special pleadings
with'a constant prevefsion or warping of
facts and figures in order to bolster and
buttress the national banking system, as
tostake away all appearance of being the
product merely of a strong conviction on
his part of the virtue of that system. =
The Record then goes on TO show that
whereas Mr.. Knox in 1880 declared that
France was fast travelling the road of all
nations who try to maintain a double
standard when the intrinsic value of gold
and silver coin is widely at variance" the
bank of France has really gained $3.50 :
600 in gold since 1876.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

The New Orleans Ptcoga1ae. discussing
the labor and capital question, says;
aRioid control of all corporations by state
laws shonld be insisted nby al worknien
and all ether men al every poll, and no
candidate should evesbe Totedfor whosis
not in favor of such restrictive and super
vising legislation. Workingmen could by
single concert of action on this point
alone do more to save themselves and
their country from soulless corporate
power than by any other step which they
can Law fully take"
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

''Some years ago" says Mr. +. II.
Davis, of Avon, N. Y, "a phebee bird
had built her nest over a small projee-
ton under the piazza of my fathers
house, and occupied the place for sever
al years unmolested. One springa rob-
in took possession of it before the arriv-
al of the rightful owner, and would not
give it up. The quarrel between the
birds was noted by the members of the
family, but nothing more was thought
about it until fall, when the peculiar
shape of the nest attracted attention.
Upon examination it proved to be a
double nest-one built upon the other
and in the lower one was found the van
dial robin dead" The attachment to an
old home seems to have overborne all
sanitary considerations in the mind (et
it be called) of the occupant Of the Sec
ond story.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
A COLOSSAL COMBINATION.
Prem the Chicago Times.l

Prem the Chicago Times.j
In railway circles there is just now CON
siderable conjecture as to the future of the
pooling .compacts existing between roads
terminating at Chicago and St. Louis on
the east and at the Mississippi and Mis-
seuri rivers on the west. BY some of the
old heads it is commended that the existing
combinations, severallY known as the
Southwestern railway. Iowa Trunk Line
and Colorado Track associations. with
their auxiliary pooling appendages. must
soon give place to an enlarged combination
which shall embrace the territory and the
traffic now covered by several distinct
agreements. There are few who say thai
the pool of the near future must not only
embrace all lines between Chicago and the
Missouri, but that 1t must extend to the
Rocky mountains, taking in the Union
Pacific, the Burlington's Denver line, and
the Atchison. Topeka and Santa Fe. This
view, however, is not generally shared by
officials, but instead is regarded as vision
airy. How to perfect TO colossal q COM
bination. and preserve the rights of all the
members, is aquestion which is receiving
considerable attention, for all acknowledge
that the question is one that win have to.
be met and disposed of within the ensuing
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
wen Oualiied For a LawHar.

A Someryille man, who had had some
bitter experience in litigation, said to
is kinder smart, and / think I'll make
him lawyer ''You had better be
sure that he is fitfor the profession first.
Precociousness in boy is not at all
times a sign of ability That's so;
but there's one thing I've noticed about
him that makes me think he would make
o good lawyer Indeed! and what is
thate'' t.Well, y said the old man, slowly.
.'he won't never do anything for me
till he gets his pay in advance. y SODIer-
rille Journal.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
A Mathematical Prodigy,

The latest mathematical genius turns
up at Eureka, Ga. He is boy scarcely
5 years old, who does not know one let
ter OF the alphabet from another, yet he
can add, subtract, and multiply. and
divide sums with wonderful accuracy.
He gives correct answers to all mathe-
NAUTICAL questions with but little hesita-
ton. He would make good witness
in that guano business.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
DEMOCRATIC COUNTY CONVENTION.

The Democratic voters of Rock Island county and
ali Others who opposed to the Republican party,
under its present management. are requested 10
meet in their respective townships saturday, An
gust IL 1892. select delegates to the Democratic
County Convention be held in the court house at
Rock Island, on Thursday. August II, at p m.
which Is called for the purpose of selecting dele
gates 20 the Democratic State Conventional be held
at Springfield. Wednesday, September g, Also del
egates 10 Congressional and Legislative Convention
10 be hereafter holden and also TO nominate can
didates for Comfy Judge, County Clerk. Sheriff
Treasurer, Superintendent OF Schools and Coroner,
and transact such other business properly
come before the convention.
The several townships entitled TO representa-
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

The Prohibitionists of Iowa are just now
busily engaged in planning ways and
means to defeat the faithful observance of
the amendment to the constitution recent
" adopted. It is exactly like them.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
Public opinion in regard to the

Public opinion in regard to the passage
of the river and harbor bill over the Presi
dents veto, is pretty much divided. The
gentlemen who are in favor of having
their swamp lands drained by their good-na-
tured Uncle Samuel are in ecstacies, but
those who take broader view of the aues.
ton are NOT well pleased.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
ELEVENTH CONGRESSIONAL DIsTsIcT.
Democratic Congressional Convention at. Mon
mouth, Thursday, August 81, 1882

The Democracy of the several counties in the
Eleventh Congressional district requested
send delegates TO a Convention to be held at Mon
mouth, Warren County, on Thursday, August 81
1882. at O'Clock p. H. for the purpose OF neminat
ing candidate for Congress, and TO transact such
other business as may be presented for the eonsd
Grafton of the convention.
The several counties in the Congressional district
will be entitled to the following representation based
upon the vote for Hancock and English in 1890:
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

A negro 100 years old died ut Mckinney,
Texas, on Tuesday. He had voted the
straight democratic ticket ever since he
was enfranchised. This accounts for his
longevity. essaf
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
CALI FOR STATE DEMOCRATIC con-
yENTION.
Thursday, September z, 1852,

The Democracy of all the counties in the state of
Illinois are requested to send delegates TO the stale
convention which will be held AT Springfield, on
Thursday, September Z, 1882,
al IL O'Clock a. M. for the purpose of nominating
one candidate for treasurer one candidate TOR
STATE supcrntendent of public instruction, and to
transact such other business may he proper for
its consideration.
The several counties in the state entitled to
one delegate for each 400votes for Hancock and
English In 1880; and delegate for each fraction
thereof of 200 and over, the counties, votes
and delegates being as follows:
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

The Third and Fourth Regiments of the
Illinois National Guard are ordered nto
camp at Aurora, August 81.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

Speaker Keifer was yesterday renomin-
ated for Congress by the Republican Con
vention of his district i'm Ohio.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03
Yellow fever is reported at New Orleans

Attorney General Brewster recommends
a refusal to grant a pardon to Sergeant
Mason
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

We Gall druggists) keep constantly on
hand Sellers Liver Pills. . the only enre for
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-03

BY order of the state democratic central commit
Tee D. b. GILLIAN, Chairman
W. j. MIzE, Seeretasy.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-08-11
CO1IUNICATION.
EBENsBrRG. Anr. Q. 1ss.

EBENSBU RG. Aug. Q. $50
ED. FREEMAN-Dedr Sir : Please allow me-
to suggest and inquire why it is that aIlp pub
hc boards, such as School Directors. Poor
House Directors, County Commissioners. ne
DO not publish the proceedings of their meet
lngs see the Town COuCcils of the differ
ent boroughs do this, which is riobt. as The
people should hno1o what is being done nv
the "City Fathers, who are onN tine ser.
wants of the people. Now, are the other
boards any less the servants Of the neonIp
than they? | think we ought to kno7s what
IS going on. Take the people of this county
for instance. How many Of us know what
IS done by the Poor Directors, who expend
thousands OF the peoples money. 1t is true
Jnere are statements published dn777idUv of
the receipts and expenditures but then yve
can only read and reflect; whereas if nro
ceedings were published Just after the meet
ingS were held the people could see and If
rleht approve; II not right condemn An
other thing. All these boards ought to have
minority representation not that | wouId
imply dishonesty on the part of the different
boards, but simply to see that things are
zone IN an economical manner I claim thar
ali these officials are but the servants of tbe
people, and being such everything should he
done IN the clear light of day. aud all their
proceedings published in the neEspapers
Tor the newspaper is the educator and in
structor of the people. SEETTNFr,
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-08-11
Invitation

Strangers are invited TO visit
our store, when In Philadel-
phia, to leave packages there,
and to make a convenience
OF 1t generally. It's a handy
place, right by the new CITY
Hall, at the very center Of the
city. answers our purpose
to welcome you, and to pro
vide for such of your wants
as we can.
The store is about twice
as large as it was two or
three years ago; made so by
digging under ground and
building overhead, andby ex-
tension on Chestnut street
Parts of the store are about
as comfortable as any place
can be; and one of the most
comfortable parts is now be-
ing got ready for therest and
~eireshmcnt of strangers.
One Of the pleasant things
about the store always has
been the fact that you can
walk all over it, either alone
or with a guide, without ever
being asked to buy a thing.
We knowvery well thatmost
Of you come to Us for a good
share of your supplies; why
should we spoil your visit by
intruding goods upon your
attention, when you come to
see the place?
But perhaps you are not
coming to Philadelphia Just
now. Verywell; take a cool
er time. It's cool enough in
the store, when you get here.
You can write for any goods
that you may happen to
want; and get them, Proba-
bly, just as well as if you
were on the spot. Any how,
you know, you can return
whatever you get that you
don't ike.
We sell more sorts of
things than we can put into
an advertisement So. what
ever you want suppose YOU
drop US a line. Wen help
you If we can.
John WANAMAKFa.
Chestnut Thirteenth and Market
streets and Ciry-hRIl square
PHrLADHLFHIA-
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-08-11
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.


A SSEMBLY.-JosEPH MCDONALD,
IA Of Ebensburg viii be a candidate for nomI-
nation, subject to Democratic rules at the next
primary election for Cambria county.
a SSEMBLY.- EDITOR FREEMAN
"a Dear Sir: Please announce the name of A
J; CHRIsTY, Of I4oretto, as candidate for Assem-
BY subject to the rules Of the Democratic party Of
Cambria county. MANY DEMOCRATS.
Loretto, March p, 1ss2.-8t.t
a SSEMBLY.-We are authorized to
n to announce the name of NATHANIEI HORNE
Of Johnstown, as n candidate for Assembly at the
coming primary election, subject to the rules and
conditions which govern the Democratic party of
Cambria county iu its choice Of candidates.
A SSEMBLY.-We are authorized to
"A announce that L. d. WoODRUFF. OF Johns
town will be a candidate for denomination at the
coming Democratic primary election as one of the
Representatives from this county in the State Te-
decision Of majority of his fellow Democrats as
indicated by the vote cast at said primary election
a SSEMBEY.-E FREEMAN
n You are authorized to announce the name of
MICHAEL BRAcKEN. of -Galitzin Borough a
candidate for Assembly subject to the approval
rejection Of the Democratic voters at the com
ing primary election. Knowing hts fitness and
the cordial support Of every DEMOCRAT I'm Cambria
GaIiitzin, March %, 1ss2.-t.e.
NOR ,ASSEMBLY.-The undersigned
4 offers himself 70 the Democracy Of Cambria
county as a candidate for the Legislature. and If
found worthy the support OF a majority Of his feI
low Democrats at the coming primary election,
and is endorsed at the polls in November next he
pledges himself to serve the interests of all con
eerued TO tie best Of his ability and entirely re-
gardiess Of either fear, favor Affection. -.
EbensbUrg, March 10, Iss2.-2m.s
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-08-11
tammia freeman.
FBENsBURG. PA
.pTD4Y, AUG. II. 1852
L-B,rCx FBEFJT4N.

q, order to place the FREEhNN- =
-,ssT,le. Irl the hands OF every =,
-,t In the couuty. we viii II"
- yr,rce months. and also e"i,s - "
-,1r,blc O IittIc book eUtitIe" -
80 Facts. which alone - 'i ""r" .
- at the the eNceedtnsiA 20"
- FORTY CENTS. cash stFletiy W ao-
-,,ce. wore than that We VIII give
= automatic organ which anybody can play
- the largest list Of subscribers. not
,.,s thau'one huudr ed. sent ms on or
.s.,re september Ist, at above rates.