Nebraska advertiser., 1882-07-27
Good Morning, Professor.

In this favored land the Professor Is
running the Colonel pretty close race,
and the Colonel may Just as well under
stand that he has TO hump himself or
he'll get shut out at the distance pole.
Just after the close OF the war the Col
onel took such start that the most
sanguine friends OF the Professor admit
ted that he never could catch up. But
the Professor Is one of the immortal few
that were not born to die, and while the
Republic lasts he will be on deck. Seed
time and harvest may fail, summer may
cease and the winter may not endure,
morning and even time may pass away,
but the Professor will be here. This is
the country for him, and while IL is def
nitely settled by the last census that the
Colonel is dying out, and that there is
now but one Colonel TO every thirty
seven of population, the Professor is
on the increase and holds all that he
gains. .H.
The title is most honorable, and at
one time it represented only the broad
est scholarship, the proioundest learn
ing. II represented long years of hard,
patient study of men and books and
things. II meant thought 1t meant
brains. II meant wisdom IL meant
standing in the world of intellect. 1t
was a title hard to win and sparingly
bestowed. Now I.
A new barber comes to town and
opens "tonsorial parlors' one room
and two chairs--he is Prof Scraper. A
man goes around the country trading
horses and selling q cure for ring
| Prof. Snaflle, the eminent veterinary
| surgeon; because where physician who
ministers to human suffering, with all
the learning and skill the colleges can
give him, is content and proud to be
called doctor, the travelling "hoss doc
tor" is always and everywhere "Pro-
fessor." A man hires hall and teach
es people to dance-Prof. Lightfoot.
He may not be able to make out his own
bills, and spells schottshe with seven
letters, but he is Professor. A circus
employe goes up in "a balloon-Prof.
Gasbag, the daring aeronaut. A retired
prize tighter opens gymnasium and
boxing school Prof. Bruiser, instructor
of physical science and muscular devel-
opment. A man takes his rifle and
makes thirty nine bulls eyes in the tar
get out of possible forty at eight hun
dred yards-Prof. Globesite, all over the
country, fast as the mail and telegraph
can confer his degree. A Texas COW
boy comes north and breaks horses for a
living g--Prof. Toecalk. A man swims
further than any other man-Professor
A man cuts corns and cures bunions for
a living Professor; he waltzes three
hours without resting Professor; plays
the fiddle and imparts to others the Sc
crets of the diabolical art-Professor;
walks slack rope stretched across tlfe
street Professor; goes without eating
twenty days-Professor; rides four
horses bareback-Professor sings in the
choir-Professor; teaches brass band
\ l---profoaaor, c>ar.s sSSNrts-.lp or.
plays billiards for living-Prof&sor
trains dogs---Professor performs some
clever tricks of sleight of hand--Profes-
sor; does anything in the world except
teach, and knows less of books and
schools than he does of Heaven-Pro-
fessor.
The Colonel differs widely from the
Professor in that no reason is ever as
| signed for his being. A man is simply
called Colonel either becase he was
Lieutenant in the army or never was
in the army. it is immaterial. He is
Just Colonel. that's all But the Pro-
fessor claims his title by reason of his
profession whether it be the cob
bling of shoes or training of dogs. And
as occupations increase in variety so the
Professor increases in number.
| There Is honor in the honorable ole
title still, to the scholars who have
earned it well and wear it with dignity
And it is a shame that the title which
belongs exclusively to their world shoulC
have its livery worn in the circus, the
rat-pit and the stables, Let us boycott
the bogus Professor as an act of simple
Justice to the Professor whom we all es
TEEN. Burlington Haa0kege.
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