The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-11-10
JIM RIVER NOVELTIES.
The Candidate for Probate Judge.

JIM RIVER NOVELTIES.
The Candidate for Probate Judge.
Huron OAK Times
1t was election day in Huron. The people
Of the county had been engaged in exercising
their dearest privilege as American citizens.
The election was over, and the judges were
engaged in ascertaining the result The Bit
ter contention of the day had ceased; the wary
maneuvering of politicians, the shrewd COM
bination of opposing interests to defeat a COM
mon enemy, had been had, and all the ex-
element Of the struggle was now concentrated
in the suspense as to the result
Crowding around the polling place was
vast multitude The whole voting population
Of the country seemed to be gathered there
awaiting the announcement Of the result with
breathless interest There was apparent
curious feeling Of mutual enmity among those
composing the crowd. They regarded each
other with scowling faces, and each seemed TO
consider every other his bitter rival. While
all were absorbed in one interest, and all
awaited the result of the vote, as if depended
upon it all their hopes of happiness, there
seemed to be no sympathy between them
Each regarded the other with look as if IL
saw in him the most abandoned of villain
and each seemed to see in his neighbOr
wretch who was attempting to rob him Of hi
dearest rights and honors, and whom to mui
der would be Christian duty.
At length the clerk of election arose, an
prepared to read the result of the vote. so
emu stiffness fell upon the vast assembly,
every voice was hushed aud every ear W
strained to catch his words.
"For county commissioner, c. Fred Zimmc.
man has received" ~
Bother the county commissioner. W
don't care anything about that Go on to IT,
next
"For register Of deeds, L J. Mouser has re
ceiye -"
Discordant voices drowned the figures
"FOr sheriff"
@No matter about the sheriff Go on to pro
bate Judge! Probate Judge! Probate judge!
cried scores of voices from the crowd.
The voice Of the clerk became husky Fl
seemed to tremble with some strange emotion
and almost to fear to announce to the desper
ate-looliing crowd the result asked for
Gentlemen, he said at length, grdvely ant
deliberately am sorry to be Obliged to an
nounce that the vote for the probate Judge is
tie, and that therefore there is no election
that Office
Fierce cries of fraud and treachery arose
from the crowd, and the figures were de
manded.
"Gentlemen," said the clerk, "there were
1873 votes cast There were 1878 candidates
Each received one vote. To an impartial
looker-on in Venice, itmight appear that every
man voted for himself"
With a wild, weird, despairing cry, 2,37S
mon fell senseess to the ground.
The Desiccated EngIishman.
W. Mattieu Williams in Gentleman's Magazine
In communication to knowledge reprinted
in Science in Short Chapters" page 1863
ventured to suggest an explanation of the
lank and shriveled aspect of the typical
Yankee by describing him as a "desiccated
Englishman," the desiccation being produced
by the dryness of the continental climate of
America, exaggerated in winter-time by their
stove arrangements
In a note to this, r. A. Proctor added that
in each of his three visits to America he lost
about thirty pounds in weight, which he re-
covered on returning home.
Another case has lately come painfully
home to me. My son, acting as assistant to
Maj Herschel in his pendulum experiments,
first at Kew then at Greenwich and Portland
Place, went on to Washington, and continued
his duties there. His letters from this
city were exuberant with enthusiasm and
admiration of everything; but one of
them was rather alarming, as it recorded the
state of his own pulse, beating at 120 and up
ward Although a stubborn total abstainer,
he was evidently in a state of abnormal excite
ment-a sort of dry-oxygen intoxlcaton
Presently, at New York, he became "dazed"
and dangerous symptoms of incipient brain
fever appeared, which being observed by
Major Herschel, he was sent home at once.
During his short absence he had grown thin
nor aud taller lank 1awed and sallow, display
ing all the characteristic symptoms of what
cannot refrain from calling acute Americanitis,
from which, by the natural operation of his
native air and abundant Sleep he has recov
cred far more rapidly than was anticipated.
All that can learn indicates that this is but
an exaggerated typical case of what usually
occurs to Englishmen especially to growing
youths when they cross the Atlantic and pro
coed inland and southwark.
may mention another curious and illustra
tive case before proceeding to the intended APP
plicatiOn.
At one of those delightful Thursday evening
meetings which were held at the house of the
late George Combe, in Melville street. Edn-
burgh and named "circumtabular teas" by the
facetious and brilliant DR.. Samuel Brown,
some family portraits were shown and com
pared These included photographs of the
descendants of tile Combes who mad emigrated
to America generation before, and portraits
of some of the family then living i'll Edinburgh.
Besides these, there was u portrait of Black
Hawk, a red Indian chief
We placed the chief on one side, the Edin-
burgh portraits ON the other, and those of the
descendants of the American emigrants be-
tween, and all agreed that the deviations from
the original family type We're in direction to-
ward that of the red Indian. Mr.. Combe main
tanned that this is generally the case, and |
agree with him in regarding the typical "na-
tive Amerioan"-that is, the descendant of ear
ly English settlers-as displaying physically
Il do not say intellectually and morality no
table degree of reversiOn-or rather deviation
toward the aboriginal type displayed in the
best examples OF red Indians e., the old
fighting chiefs
Now, what is likely to follow from all this
drying up of FIBRE this developmentof con
stitutional intensiication, this general infam
matory exaltation, or Americanitisg
l think that it must develop, is developing and
auces--in same cases amounting to disease
which may be durable by change of climate;
the most effectual change being return to
that which produced the old stock.
My prophecy, then, is that American ply
sioians will Presently discover this, and rec
ommend their well-to-do patients-those who
have worked as only Americans in the pursuit
Of wealth do work-to turn to the land of their
fathers to breathe the soothing humdities of
its anOdyne atmosphere. and thereby double
the remaining years of their lives, which
believe an overwOrked American of sixty
years Of age may do and when he understands
this subject aud has sufficient means will do,
to such an extent that Old England will be-
come the sanitarium and final resting place,
first OF her American children, then of Aus
traliaus, and finally of all the rest of the con-
tinental world, when her mission of over
spreading it is fulfilled,
measures nave been taken Tor the construc
ton of an electric railway at Tunis.