The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-12-29
MARK TWAiN,S LATEST,
His Rich and "On Color" Speech NJ the
Forefathers' Day Anniversary.

Forefathers' Day Anniversary.
NEW YORK, Dec. 22.-The seventeenth
annual dinusr Of the New England society
took place at Delmonice's this evening
Josiah NJ. Fisher presided. Among those on
the platform were General Grant, Mayer
Grace, Judge Lawrence, Rev. Archer Brooks
Chauncey NJ. Depew, and Governor Bigelow'
of Connecticut. The general arrangements
were In the hands of Hon. Stewart l.. Wood
ford, and Ex-Governor Long, Of Aassachu-
sets. Robert McCurdy, Col. Villas, Rev. DIR.
Upshur, Mark Twain. Gen. Horace Porter
aud Senator Miller. Of California, were
among the guests. The large dining hall
was crowded. Senator Miller responded to
the toast Of "The Cradle Of the Common
wealth."
Mark Twain responded to the toast OF
81 Woman lie said: 1.-THE toast Includes
the sex universally. 1t is to women CON-
prehensively, wherever she may be found.
Let US consider her ways. First comes the
matter Of dress. This Is q most important
consideration, and must be disposed Of be-
fore we can intellgently proceed TO examine
the profouDder depths Of the theme. For
text, let us taxe the dress Of autipodal types
the savage women Of Central Africa, and
The cultivated daughter Of our high modern
civilization. Among the Fans Ga negro tribe)
q woman when dressed for home or TO 60
shopping or calling does not wear anything
at all but her complexion. tLaugh.er.1 1t
Ia the lightest costume In the world, but Is
made of the darkest material. IL has often
been mist AIKEN for mourning. IL 10 the
trimmest, neatest. and grscefullest costume
that 10 now In fashion. II wears we'll, Is fast
color, and doesn't show dirt; you don't have
TO send 1t down town to haze II washed, and
have some of il come back scorched with
hatirons, and some Of II with the buttons
ironed OF, aud some Of it petritied with
starch, aud some of 1t chewed by the calf,
and some Of 1t rotted with acids. and some
of IL changed for other customers things
tha, haven't any virtue but holiness; and
ten twelfths Of the pieces overcharged for,
ana the rest OI TIC uoLci hisioi"t @"u ~
always fits. 1t is the perfection IF Fit, and
IL is the handiest dress In the whole realm OF
fashion. II is always ready, always ''done
up." When you call on fair lady, and send
up your card, the hired girl never says,
"Piease take q seat; madame Is dressing;
she'll be down In three quarters cf an hour. ="
No, madame is always dressed, always ready
to receive company, and before you can get
the door-mat from before your eyes she Is in
your midst. Again, the Fan ladies don't 60
to church to see what each other has got on;
and they don't go home and Islander. Such
| is the dark child cf savagery as TO every day
toilet, and thus, curiously enough, she finds
| a point Of contact with the fair daughter OF
civilization and high fashion, who often has
nothing TO wear" and thus these widely
separated types Of sex meet upon common
ground. Yes, such IS a Fan WOMAN rs she
appears Ia her unostenr atious ry-day
| toilet; but on state occasions she Is more
dressy. At banquet she wears bracelets
at q lecture she wears earrings aud belt
ct . ball she wears stockings, aud with true
feminine fondness for display she wears
them on her arms; at a funeral she wears q
Jacket OF tar and ashes; at weddings the
bride who can afford it puts OH pant looms
Thus the dark child Of ssvagery and fail
daughter Of civilization meet once more Oh
common ground, and these two touches o.
nature make the whole world kin.
Now, we will consider the dress Of oul
otksr type. A large part Of the daughter o
civilization Is her dress, as IL should be
Some civilized women would lose half thei
charm without dress, aud some would lost
all OF 1t. The daughter of modern civliza
ton, dressed at her utmost best, is marve
of exquisite and beautiful art and expense
All the lands, all the chimes, and all the art
are laid under tribute TO furnish her: he
linen is from Belfast, her robe Is from Paris
her lace is from Venice or Spain, or France
her feathers are from the remote regions o
Southern Africa; her furs from the remotes
home OF the icebergs and the aurora; her fal
from Japan, her diamonds from Brazil, he
bracelets from California, her pearls from
Ceylou, her canoes from Rome. She ha
gems and trinkets from Pompeii, and other
that graced comeiy Egyptian forms; he
watch is from Geneva, her card case from
China, her hair Is 'front.' don't know whei
her hair Is from, never could fluid out; ths
is, her other hsir-her Sunday hair. l dom
mean the hair she goes 70 bed with 70
ought TO know the hair mean; it's that thin
, which she calls a switch, and which resen
bles switch as much as it resembles
brickbat or 3 shotgun, or any other thin
which you correct people with. IT, ths
thing which she twists aud then coils roun
and round her head, bee hive fashion, an
then tucks the end in under the hive, an
harpoons II with q bairpin. Aud that rs
minds ME Of trihe. Anytime you want
you can glance around the carpet Of Pull
man car and so and pick up a hairpin; b'
not TO save your life can you get any woins
In that car to acknowledge that hairpil
Now, isn't that strange? but it's true. III
woman who has never swerved from cas-
iron veracity aud fidelity in her whole lif
will, when confronted with this crucial tes
deny her hsirpin; she will deny that hairp
before a hundred witnesses. | have stupid
o got into more trouble aud more bot wat
trying To hunt the owner Of hairpin in
. Pullman car than by any other iDdiscretie
A of my life. Well, you see what the daught
of civilization Is when she Is dressed, al
= you have seen what the daughter Of savagel
4 Is when she isn't. Such is woman, as TO h
costume.
come now to consider her In her high
:, and uobler aspects, wife, widow, grass-wido'
mother, hired girl, telegraph operator, tel
!. phone helloer, book agent, wet nurse, ste
mother, boss, professional fat woman, pr
!, fessional double headed woman. profession
: beauty, and so forth and SO on; but we VI
!. simply discuss these few. Let the rest
tie sex larry ia Jericho till We come sgai
: First in the list Of right, and first in o.
:. gratitude, comes a woman who-why, de