Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-05-03
SPICE AND ALLSPICE,

|
| Puck.
The probable inventor of oleomargar-
| ine-Taller-rand.
A MAN is not necessarily southerner
| because he has Mobile face.
The hen gets her peck of dirt many
times day.-BoStoaa transcript.
The straighter the whiskey the more
crooked the walk. This is a real fact
| The Judge.
| STRANGE, but Columbus had his egg
sit before he passed from the STAGE
| The Drummer.
ERIN-No. An lrishman with glass
| eye cannot become an Americ an citizen.
Can't natural eyes him.-Bo8ton Com.
Bulletin.
The way to get rich in this world is to
save what you make. When you make
fool of yourself don't give it away
Phil0dell1hja Chronicle.
DOES this razor take hold well?'
asked the smiling barber. eyes," re-
piled the unhappy victim, &c it takes hold
well, but it don't let go worth a cent"
g Amt that lovely critter, john"
said Jerusha, as they stopped opposite
the leopard's cage. "Waal, yes said
John, but he's drefully freckIed, amt
he?''
REV. Mr.. LYON, of Bridgeport,
preahced Sunday night on the national
sin. There was universal exchange of
umbrellas the next morning Dan6ury
NeeOs.
AN exchange says: ssA dozen women
ride now where one woman rode few
years ago." 1t will be seen that this ar
rangement must be hard on the old
horse.
IT'S no use to feel of me wrist, doc
Their, said Pat, when the physician be-
gan taking his pulse, s'the pain is not
there, SURF; it's in me hid entoirely.''-
Boston Transcript.
INTELLIGENT " said the man of his
setter dog. He knows a heap, sir.
Why, once he took a dislike to a man and
went and induced the man to kick him.
so would whip the man Fact, sir!'
STUDENT A" Why is it that Pump
ma1er has OF late so regularly attended
his lectures ?" Student Be Because
that is the only place where his credit
ors do not look for him. ''-Fyiegemde
BL0etter.
AT town meeting a large taxpayer
rose up to protest against building new
schoOlhouse in a certain part of the
town. "What's the good of it?" asked
he. "They are an Ignorant set down
there, anyway"
If the astronomers would only make
February three months long and thus
have May the first spring month, there
would be good deal less growing in
this latitude The climate is all right:
the trouble is with the almanac.
"WEERE are you going in such a
hurry ," "Only back into the house a
minute, to change my pocketbook.
"Change it? +" Eyes, had no idea the
day was SO hot; I started out with my
sealskin pocketbook. lie Figaro.
Now that ladies' bonnets are made of
glass such remarks as these will fall on
our ears: "George, dear, think you
might get me cut-glass bonnet like
Mrs. Sprouts, instead of making me
wear this horrible thing made of common
lager-beer glass. "-Puck,
The alaplat tree, or to be botanically
exact, the g carypha unnbraculifena,
blossoms only at intervals of many
years, and then bursts from it's bud like
d
small cannon. Ii you want some fun,
give bouquet of these buds, just about
to blossom, to young lady in ball
room, then take to the woods yourself.
AT a restaurant: Waiter advances:
Ros' beef, corn beef'n kale, veal pot
pie, bos-" Gimme a piece o. pie n
glass O. cider" Advancing to the next
customer: Ros' beef, corn beef'n kale,
veal pot" "Gimme a piece o. pie n
cup O. tea" To the next: .'Pie and
cider, or pie and tea 2" That waiter
sssized up" his crowd.-New Haven
Register.
SOMETIMES" remarked Fogg, re-
moving his cigar, g [ wish that I had
never been born, or that I had died in
childhood" He pulled away for mo-
ment or two and then added with some
thing like his customary cheerfulness:
"Well, [ have not altogether lived in
vain. I have made fairly good hus-
band for Mrs. F., a woman who never
could have got anybody else to marry
her,"
A CLERGYMAN In neighboring city
who had just been installed, and who
was searching the town over in vain for
a house to live In, began his prayer very
innocently the next Sunday as follows:
go Lord, we are wandering here be-
low. Thou knowest we have no abiding
place" Many of his congregation who
knew of his fruitless endeavors in house.
hunting could not help smiling at the
truth of his remark.
F. F. GUM, of thesenior class of VIII
liams college, has declined the honors of
the valedictorian on the ground that he
has always considered the system of
making use in the college as unfair, and
operating to the detriment of some of
the students. Mr.. Gum holds better
average standing than has been reached
at Williams in many years. It is wrong
for this Gum to go off without hitting
the honors. Five years from now he will
be rusty, and his friends will not know
that he is loaded.