St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-05-19
SqIIibS.

there is no place like home, and that
Is something to be extremely happy
for Philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
A parrot is II great comfort to lone
woman. 1t soon learns to swear.
whistle and make noise, just as good
as man. New Orleans Picayune.
1t is thought the crop of wild oats
will he about up to the average this
year, Notwithstanding the inclemency
of the southern guano trade [Oil
City Derrick.
Immigrants are pouring into this
country at the rate of 200, 900 wear.
just think how the corn crop will be
increased when they get to wearing
tight-titing American shoes Phila-
delphia Chronicle Herald.
A clergyman who had Just married a
couple felt indignant when the bride
groom gave him fee of only half
dollar, smiled grimly, and said, "Never
mind. You'll have to pay Il lawyer
SlOO for undOing what ! have done"
= Waif.
"Then you don't want me to rent
your house," said New Haven man in
search of IA rent. ayes, YES. But YOU
see the family in it now owe me little
rent, and don't exactly see how | can
get 'em out" ''lIang it all. Warn 'em
out. That's the way they do me -
and then he wondered why curious
expression came over the face of the
landlord.-lNew Haven Register
Which would you rather doG Walk
up Walnut Street, eating chestnuts, or
walk down Chestnut Street eating wal
nuts ?-L Philadelphia Bulletin. Young
man, you must have been over on Vine
Street eating grapes Louisville Cou-
rier journal.
MezzOtanti, the wonderful Italian
linguist, knew 64 languages and talked
Is, and the number of different things
he could say to stray dog in the front
yard, would make the animal run for
dear life for three miles. Language
is Il great benefit to man.
San Francisco has bureau for eX-
changing bric-a-brac. We want such
an institution in New York to deter
mems wives from bartering their hus-
bands best trousers for plaster of Paris
casts of alleged Bacons and Millions
offered by Italian image men.-TPuck.
Last Sunday evening a Boston di-
vine suddenly paused near the close of
his sermon, and said, eve would all
be glad if that young man in the vesti-
bule would come in and satisfy him
sell whether she is, or is not, here. 1t
would be much better than keeping il
half-inch draft on the occupants of the
back pew" And in the solemn silence
that followed the congregation could
hear sound outside as of the retreat
of an army with banners .- Christian
at Work.
Not long since the children were
talking about pair of twins.
One of them, an elder one, turned to
her father and said: "Papa, what do
they call it when three babies come at
once !" A little one, who was much
interested III the conversation, and
who had heard talk about the small
pOx, at once interrupted and said with
much animation: 81 know, papa"
''Well, what do they call it ~ said the
father. San epidemic" said the little
one,proudly displaying her knowledge.
Nothing for the heathen to-day-She
was real sweet looking lady, with
sealskin sacque and Il big plush hat,
and she stood on the steps of an up
town residence, just having pulled the
bell. 81 called to see" said she to the
lady of the house, who was very red
in the face from frying doughnuts over
the fire, ''if you wish to give anything
to the heathen to-day" "NO ! don't
want to give any thing to the heathen
to-day. just gave the woman next
door piece of my mind about her
Scalawag of Il boy that broke down my
plants. That's all | can afford the for
the heathen just now New Haven
Register.
The Philadelphia militia was ont on
parade yesterday, and several persons
mistOOk the proud drum major at the
head of IA band for Roscoe Conkling.-
philadelphia Kronikle-IIerald.
A man went into crowded ear and
asked if he could have seat which
was then occupied by hat, whose
owner was then sitting next seat. The
man angrily grasping his hat an
Swered "Ges take it, if you're Il hog"
"l'm so near one, that guess III take
it," said the other Salt Lake 1rib-
une.
The Scranton Republican relates that
as "A Wilkesbarre man took his seat in
ili' psii Dtl CHILL il' siHhtu lilt DdIDtI
if he had the same razor he had used
two days before. Being answered
afiirmatively, the patient man said :
''Then give me chlOrOfOrm."
There is talk of discontinuing the
West Point Academy. Such a move
would he "A dangerous blow at the safe
ty of our country. Unless we have an
institution that will turn out hundreds
of army officers annually, in few
years the number of privates in our
standing army would equal its officers
in strength, and score or two of the
epauletted persons who are serving
their country by lOunging about Wash
ingtOn, gracing balls and receptions
with their presence, would he cOmpell-
ed to undergo hardships on the West
,rn plains. Better retain West Point.
The more money the Government fools
away on snch expensive affairs, the
less it will have to squander on use
less Arctic search and exploring expe-
HI 4