The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1882-03-18
ALL SORrs.

Three degrees of mining speculation
Positive, mine; comparative, miner; SUI
perlative, minus.
.'Stand from under, is an injunction
which one should understand. d.-Adver-
tiser. And should not overlook.
The time for which Denis Kearney
was paid for keeping his mouth shut has
expired. Make a new contract with
| him.
Denver man: The aesthetic bowie
knife is paper cutter. It would be. of
no use to you. You cannot afford to be
aesthetic.
When q man owns q setter deg, you
| can generally rely on whatever he says
about ordinary matters. All his ability
to lie he expends on the dog.
Chicago has now larger population
than Brooklyn, but her ministers have
| not yet got to be such mashers as those
| of Brooklyn, 50 she needn't feel proud.
A Denver reporter asked Alice Oates
how old she was, and she said, 81 am
o." Why she didn't say 16, we don't
seei Folks would have believed it just
as quick.
A North Carolina man shot himself be-
cause his wife would not pull off his
boots. Now all the women in the State
will be refusing to pull off their hns-
bands boots.
The craze for possessing pet monkeys
is raging at present, and when a man
critters for a couple of hours, can cure
him of the mania.
A Philadelphia woman fell and re-
ceived injuries in street car in which
she had to stand. A jury has given her
81, 900 damages. Can't your wife
work that racket and raise money.
Wild beasts are thinning the focks and
herds of Montana graziers to such an ex-
tent that there is is serious talk of get
ting Sankey to go out there and sing, in
the hope of driving them away.
1t is stated that persons under the use
of ether are prone to confess their crimes.
If this fact becomes known, it will be
impossible to induce more than one per-
son in ten thousand to take the stuff
"What is the matter with Dadgers?"
was asked on the announcement that
this very dull person had fallen i'll.
stOh, don't know" was the reply,
''but I'm sure it isn't Bright's disease"
The st. Louis bill-posters are at war
with each other. They are having many
lively brushes, and using not very
fowery language. but it is doubtful If
paste to indulge In such contests.
There are ten shades of gloves which
are fashionable for evening wear, and
there is no earthly excuse for gentle
man laundering in upon wedding with
a pair of buckskin mittens on his paws
Free Press.
It is said the only obstacle Ia the way
of transporting live hogs from this coun-
try to England is the difficulty of feed
ing them on the passage. Why not feed
them from the trough of the sea?-f Som
erville journal.
The Norristown Herald hopes that the
time is near at hand when patent corn
shelter, two threshing machines, a bed
quilt, foot-race, soap peddler and
horse-trot will not make one county agri-
cultural exhibition.
Whew! coming up these stairs takes
the wind ont of me, remarks the gentle
man who climbs to the editorial room to
give advice about running the paper.
so glad, says the editor shaking him
by the hand; and the gentleman thinks
the editor is glad to see him. Boston
Globe
Little Bobby, who talks slang for the
whole family, said to his father the other
night. There are fixed stars. amt
there, papa ?" To which the father re-
piled, Yes. Bobby" And then the
young rascal asked, "Are they well
fixed, papa?"
SOURCE OF CHEERFULSEss.-No mons
spirits were ever hurt by doing his duty.
0a The contrary, one good action, one
temptation resisted and overcome, one
sacrifice or desire of interest, purely for
conscience sake, will prove cordial for
weak and low spirits beyond what either
indulgence or diversion can do for them.