Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
FUN.


1t is wise bank cashier who takes no va
cation.
Punch has found man to lazy to labor
under an impression.
When a Russian is too lazy to scratch for a
living he has himself arrested for nihilist.
Though not muchof a conversationalist,
mute might get along very nicely in a
spoke factory.
Astronomers have discovered red spot
on the face of Jupiter. Prohibitionists
will please take notice.
A Harlem boy attempted to tie a knot in
mules tail. He was good boy, but he
has gone to meet his grandmother.
Among the recent arrivals in Philadelphia
is gorilla preserved in alchol. Although
dead, the animal is in excellent spirits.
"Why did you hide, johnny" said one boy
to another. Il hide to save my hide" repli-
ed the other, as he hied away to secure
spot.
Mince-pie season is here, and those who
can afford it will now dream of elephants
with four trunks and mules with illuminat-
ed heads.
Venus possesses modern ideas. She will
make rapid transit on her elevated road
travelling The SGO,00O miles across the sun in
SIX hours.
Oscar Wilde, probably owing to his
patent medicine hair, has been taken on the
streets for Buffalo Bill. Mr.. Bill, it is said,
intends to shoot him on sight.
cable dispatch that "a mine was dis
covered in street in Moscow, Russia" was
headed by an innocent journalist head
writer as "A bonanza in Moscow
You see, my child, this turtle-one of
the wonders OF creation-he furnishes the
best combs that are made and yet he can not
use one. as ne hasn't a single hair to comb"
Said miserable little Cincinnati boy, who
had just received scolding from his father
Ma wish I'd never been born" ''Why,
Charley!'' We'll l think I'd been better
boy"
lightning recently struck telegraph
pole and ran along wire into the oifice at
Coatsville, Ind, when the clerk seated at
the instrument excitedly telegraphed back.
Don't send so fast!'
Teacher: Define the word excavate,''
Scholar 1T means to hollow OUT Teach
er: Construct a sentence in which the word
is properly used" Scholar: The baby ex-
cavates when it gets hurt"
1T was terribly oppressive at the theater
last night" said Brown; iii was SO hot that
the blood all rushed to my head We'll, it
found pieanty OF room there didn't, it..'
replied the sympathetic Fogg.
When things come to such a pass in idaho
that men are shot oy an angry boarding
house keeper just because they refuse to
eat mis- tshballs, We don't wonder that
youngLochinvar came out Of the west.
Extract from an Grafton delivered at
the Inauguration of statue by NJ. Duclaud
member for the Charente: Eyes, gentlemen,
Rabeials was QUE of the men whose form
and face deserves to be preserved in mol
ten marble for the admiration of posterity
hotel boaster, who was Wanting his
knowledge Of the world before crowd of
new corners, was asked by wag at his Ell
bow if he had ever been in Algebra. ''Oh.
yes, certainly" said he Il passed through
there on top of stage about a year ago"
A young gentleman home for the holi-
days was talking with an old laborer in his
fathers grounds, when the old man said:
"Ay,ay, sir, its fine thing is larnin'. There
was no such when l was boy; was big
fellow, helpin' the family, when all at once
school broke out"
ceartain Irish III. P. had been describ-
ing his travels in the far west and the ''vir-
gin forests" there. ''What is a virgin for
est!" asked an auditor. "Phwat is virgin
forest,is it ye whant to know: ! virgin for
est sorr, is one phwere the hand of man has
nlver set fut, bedad!'
An editor returning home one morning
about o'clock. was met in the hall by
his vigilant spouse, "Alas," she said. s.that
you have been detained by another break
age of the press NAY, not So" he re ii-
ed; neither has the press broken down nor
have been detained by getting out the
weekly. but it was small game of ten cent
ante which hindered me-" Hearing which.
the soul Of Gsorge Washington turned over
in his grave and muttered silent benedic-
ton.
Thomas Charlton hooked his chin over
the prisoners bar at the police court and
regarded his honor with bland smile
Thomas, you are charged with being
DRUNK, SalO ol5 court. - can GEM IL. -
said Thomas, grining from ear to ear.
You don't seem TO be Very sorry I'm
happy your honor" said the prisoner, gig
Cling. What excuse nave you for getting
drunk:'' I've seven of 'em, Judge"
Seven excuses" 'Yes.yer honor, seven. Now
1 don't mind telling ye all bout it. Ye see.
I've got six boys in my family and las night
its g girl. Judge" Thomas got of.
Rev. Joseph Cook. like MS namesake of
the long past, has circumnavigated the
globe. He found things very different
from what the famous sailor found them.
For one thing, he says he was greatly as
tonished to find how widely the English
language is spoken in the East. He found
no difficulty in finding audiences of Eng
disappearing people in the smallest places
in Iadia. He delivered in all $50 lectures
during his grand tour. all in English, sage
one in Japan. On that occasion he spoke
through an interpreter. Nothing more
forcibly shows how the sturdy stock of the
English speaking people has Influenced
the world.
Speculation is a dangerous malady
when it rises to fever heat. The Pitts
burgh Dispatch says one man in Pitts
field. Pa. has been carried by the soil
craze into absolute insanity. and two