Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-01-28
WIT AND WISDOM.

Brown. Make many calls New Years z?
Brown professionally: "No, called
the day after.
for signs of the dawn of bright era,
ten are scouting among their neighbors
trying to borrow saieratus.
One would say, after the avalanche of
Governors addresses Just now, that the
country had sold its birthright for O pot
of message. -Boston Transcript.
Run ever himself: The best descrip-
ton we have ever heard Of slow man
was that he was too slow to get out Of
his own way.-LoioeU Courier.
A WHILE ago a party of lynchers
down South, postponed the hanging
five minutes to allow the victim time to
finish smoking a cigar. This proves
that the use of tobacco prolongs life.
IT COSTS 1000 to obtain saloon
license in Omaha, and the barkeeper
looks rs black rs thunder cloud when
man clasps more than two fingers
around liquor glass. philadelphia
Chronicle.
TEACHER: "John, what are your boots
made Off" Boy: "Of leather" "Where
does the leather come from ?" "From
the hide of the OK "What animal,
therefore, supplies you with boots and
gives you meat to eat 2" "My father"
MANY a young man has been dis
gusted with aesthetic ideas since his
Christmas slippers, with a sunfower
aud lily embroidered on them, have
proved to be too utterly too too small
to he of any use whatever. Turner'S
Fats Reporter.
S. P. c.: am clerk IN country
store, aud wood like TO be actor. What
would you advice me to do?' We
would 'advice" you to stay behind the
counter. If You insist on being an ac-
tor, the literary and orthographical Ia
bor OF writing puffs for yourself for the
press will wear your young life away
1e1as ,Sfings.
LISTENING to the end men of min
strel band, the other night, we observed
that most of their Jokes were based upon
the following incidents: Being strapped
pecuniariiy, compelled to walk to the
ont OF a hotel, put in Jail, lunch routes,
free drinks and kleptomania. Cincin-
natl Saturday Night.
HENDERSON IS an honest fellow. He
hates to be in debt. He borrowed ten
dollars of Brown only a month ago, and
the thought of his ewing friend so
long preyed upon his mind terribly.
But he feels better now, he SAYS he
has Just borrowed ten from Smith and
paid up like man. a man always feels
happy, he says, when he has cancelled
a debt.-Boston transcript.
WHO is this Creature with Long Hair
and Wild Eye? He is Poet. He
writes Poems on Spring and Women's
Eyes and Strange, unreal Things of that
Kind. He IS always Wishing he was
Dead, but he wouldn't Let anybody
Kill him if he could Get away. 4 mighty
good Sausage Stuffer was Spoiled when
the Man became Poet. He would
Look well Standing under Descending
Piledriver. -Denuer Tribune.
IF ridicule could be effective in ban
ishing the treating custom from these
shores, it would be doing good work.
Tt Is that that lays the foundation for
protracted and expensive sprees, and
next to alcohol itself is instrumental in
making drunkards. 1t will be observed
that we give alcohol the first position
in the misunderstanding business. It's
the boss, as it were.-CincinnGti Sat
Wday Night.
DARWIN, in his new book, estimates
that there are in gardens 53, 767 worms
to the acre. This tallies with our count
when we were digging garden and didn't
care nickel about finding worms; but
when we wanted bait for fishing the
garden didn't pan out dozen worms to
the acre. They had all emigrated to
the garden OF some other fellow who
never goes a-fishing. g.-NorriSto,cn Her
aid.
Sy1cKERsoN came into the house last
evening with a three inch and half
smile playing upon his countenance.
"Huldah," said he, "when was beef
the highest? When the COW jumped
over the moon. Ha ha ha = ''There,
there = said his wife, ''iust hold that
expression minute. It reminds me OF
vour great grandfather looks when he
had to laugh at the self-same joke.
Snickerson simply retaliated by re-
ferring to his wife's "good memory for
one who likes to be thought young"
and dropped the laugh.
WHO can estimate the value of a
newspaper? You buy it for couple
of cents, learn all the news of the day
while on your way home in street or
steam cars; can then place it against
your chest under your coat and thus
keep from catching cold between the
corner and your residence; can read it
again in the evening, and, if lacking in
bedclothing, can use it as a blanket at
night. After tina. it is the best thing
in the world to put under carpets, and
when tired and sick of it you can trade
it off for a plaster image. -Phitade1-
pdia Ners.
SAWS FOR THE SEASON.
For Dyspeptics. proof of the
pudding is in the-pill-box.
For Cooks.-What's sauce for the
| goose is-sage and onions.
For Receivers of Christmas Hampers.