The Portland daily press., 1882-08-21
Wit and Wisdom.

Wit and Wisdom.
1t must have been in Memphis. Moses the
younger sat in the store reading the evening
paper, and all of sudden he called out: Fad
der. fadder!" ''Vat ish it, my son?" ga case
of yellow fever only six miles awayp' "Moses?"
eyes, ladder" "Pegin to pack up dem coats
und westsl By tomorrow dot yellow fever
Will pc in town und Will be telegraphed to
New York, und Ply der mex day we mus fail
und offer to pay 20 cents on der tollar. vhas
looking for it all last week. wall street
News.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate-A Refreshing
Drink.
DIR. G. o. Files, Portland, Me-, says: AFTER
perspiring freely, when cold water has utterly
failed to satisfy my thirst, it has accomplished
the purpose with the most perfect success"
"Somnambulated" is the latest horror. The
Norristown Herald is the guilty wretch. Are
we men aud purists to have our mother tongue
Norristowned in this manner?-Boston Trans
cript
Remember Glenn's Sulphur Soap presents
all the advantages of sulphur baths at cheap
rate. "Hills Hair and Whisker Dye, $50 cents.
Many people think Ananias was an amateur
fisherman.-New Orleans Picayune.
If you have any skin diseases or diseases of
the hair or scalp, any itching or discolorations,
sun burns, freckles, p:mples, rough or dry
harsh skin you have in DR.. G. W. Benson's
Skin Cure, sure, perfect and elegant remedy
Sold by all druggists
''Yoa make mistake, sir You set too good
a table altogether. Now, what's the use of
cucumbers and huckleberry pie right along for
a dozen meals?" 81 know it, sir, I know it,
beamed the landlord. 81 give 'em all the lux
uries to wunst." "But, my dear sir, think of
the cramps?" "Jess so, jess so. But Pm
bound to get my guests into bedrooms, if | do
cramp em some. The Judge.
To the rescued Your liver is in trouble,
Wheat Bitters will correct it. Remember
this.
EsAnswering the door-bell is signal service;
Offering your arm to a lady is civil service
Newburyport Herald.
SIT is the common observation thai the
standard of natural health and normal activity
among American women, is being lowered by
the influence of false ideas and habits Of life,
engendered by fashionable ignorance and lux
urious living. 1t is happy circumstance that
u hos tn the front
to instruct and cure the sufferers Of her sex.
The girl who sets her heart on anything
should be very careful that some young fellow
doesn't come along and steal it.-Boston
Transcript
Intelligent mothers give their weak, grow
ing girls Healy's Tonic Pills and spare them
weeks of sickness. See advt. on this page.
Severe periodical Congestive Headaches OF
twenty years standing have been cured by
Cephaline.
"What ails this heart of mine?" asks Wes-
tern poetess. Perhaps it isn't your heart,
deary Have you tried Jamaica ginger?-
Philadelphia News.
IIUp tuot6Io dI0 oOlu Ny al oA u6SAoc 40 Wa
United States and Canada, % cents each or
for 81, and are guaranteed to be the best ia
the markets. Avoid cheap worthless goods
Things one would rather have left unsaid:
Amiable hostess-"Whatl must you 60 al
ready? Really, professor, it's too bad OF this
sweet young wife of yours to carry you off SO
early. She always does" Professor-"No, no,
.aI& A
positively have to drag her away London
Punch.
That feeling OF languor and debility that
follows physical exertion, removed by using
Browns Iron Bitters.
Between foubourie,a,aes: "If should find q
million know what should do with it. !"
$50 do I; should keep it, Excuse me; I
should keep it, too, but provided that knew
it belonged to some rich man, ike M. Roths-
child, for example. Otherwise should carry
it to the prefecture "Why?" because it
might belong to some poor workman"-Pari-
sian Imbecile.
Consumption finds quick victims in the
weak. Strengthen your system against this
and all other kinds of disease by using Wheat
Bitters
Merchants who say it don't pay to advertise
when business is dull don't know what they
are talking about. A person don't take medi-
cine when enjoying good health.-Oi City
Blizzard.
Why will you suffer with Lame Back or
Dyspepsia. when you can get cured by using
elixir OF LIFE RooT," and at a cost of but
one dollar.
There is one advantage in warm weather.
At no other season of the year can you spread
the butter on the children's bread so evenly
and SO thinly.-Elmira Telegram.
ask your physician and he will tell you that
for all the elements which give health, strength
and vigor to the system, there is nothing bet
ter than pure malt. Only the purest malt is
used in the preparation of Hops and Malt Bit
ters.
What inconsistencies crop up in our national
affairs. Cadets are sent to West Point to learn
the arts of war, and because two of them fight
there is a great row over lt.-Detrolt Free
Press.
The success which has attended the use OF
Swedish Botanic Compound warrants us to
say that for purifying and enriching the blood
and creating an appetite, strengthening and
renovating the whole system, nothing surpass-
es that great remedy.
Best Joke of the season: "Aug. IA to 81,
cooler weather gene ly."-Vennor.
Do you wish beautiful complexion? Then
use Ayers Sarsaparilla. 1t cleanses and puri-
fies the blood, and thereby removes b]otches
and pimples from the skin, making it smooth
and clear, and giving it bright and healthy
appearance.
Uneasy lies the head that's out of town-if
the mosnnito reigns.-N. Y. Commercial Adj