Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-08-20
SUNDAY LAUGHS.

that you don't care tinker,s male
diCtion what color II the style for hair.
The 1rkdnSQm Travellers aged cOlored
person says: "My idea ofde better worp
l. whar dar Is u election gOin' on all de
tine, case den DE- white folks IL alters
perlight."
Il guess dad wishes we'd all die and
go to Heaven" said a miSer's sOntO his
maternal parent "Why So" she ask
ed, upon recovering from her aston
ishmcnt. sob, cause Heavens such 4
cheap place to live in"
A Cairo clergyman who told his con-
gregatiOn from the pulpit, \ week ago,
that only tipplrrN and drnnkards were
>mstruc6, was Frustrated on the street
the very next day, and now he hardly
knows how to Ct out Of his fix.
From tie Rev. Mr.. JackSOn's ser
mon on Faith. in Boston: "Ohi I've
- - s'Nith in de Lord" he crieA,
"Efd de Lord we - '''-.ry-----"'.,-'r'' 80
butt yer head agin dat tree, I've got
faith To bleeve dat de tree 'ud DC re-
moved afore | got dcrr."
The Concord school of philosophy has
come to the conclusion that man has
existed in his perfect state for the last
ten thousand years. If that's the case,
why were not some of the popular mix
"a drinks invented before.
Rev. NJ. ID. Jump, of the Methodist
church at Bennington, Vermont, has
received a call to the pa>tOrage OF the
First Presbyterian Church, Lancing-
burgh, New York. II the salary Is
right, We shall expect to hear that the
Rev. NJ. ID. has jumped At this call.
All the good people in the country
can't crowd into Michigan. There is
man mt Lansing worth at least IS, 900
who sent hiS mother To the pOOr-houSe
to avoid the expense of boarding her,
and vet no man has serenaded him
with kettle of tar and Il bag of feath-
erS.
"Well, john" said miRister to one
of his hearers, 81 hope you hold family
worship regularly" "Ay, sir" answer
ed John, ''in the time o. year o't.n sin
the time o. year OF! What do you
mean?" aye ken, sir, We cannot see in
winter" "But, John, you should buy
candles" "Ah, Sir" replied John;
"but in that case I'm afraid the cost
might O'crgang the profit
A clergyman in the country had q
stranger to officiate for him one day,
and meeting his headle afterwards, he
said to HIM: "Well, DOugall, how did
you like last Sundays preaChing?" at
was great deal owre plain and simple
for me-" replied the beadle. al like ser
mons atjumble thejudgment and con-
found the sense. Oh, sir, never saw
ane that could come up to yourself at
/ THAR
Unsatisfactory arithmetic: ParsOn-"I
wish to complain, Mrs. Diggins, of the
/ conduct of your daughter at the Sun
/ day school to-day it was rude to the
/ extreme" Mrs. D.-"Ah, it's what
they teaches her at that theer board
| school as dun it; yesterday she came
home and she says: Mother, they are
attaching of me vulgar fraxiOns.' What
can you expex after that, sir??n
In an unguarded moment The Chey-
| emo Stin last week printed two stereo-
type sketches entitled "Why He Went
to Bed" exactly alike and in the same
column. The stereotype editor must
have looked upon the whiskey sour
when it moveth itself Alright, when it
| giveth its color in the cup and when il
humpeth up the gastric and standeth
up the bar-keeper till more conve-
! nient season.
Would it not bc \ good idcal suggests
Pick) to corral all the dry-goOds drum
merS and book agents in the country,
and send them off to foreign climes rs
missionaries? They may succeed in
talking savages into religion; but, II
they couldn't, and the Savages should
eat them up, they would get consider.
ably the worst oft, and the country
would be better off. This was written
by the obituary editor.
A little girl in the church at Ashland
Virginia. has been one of = band OF
workers to raise money to complete
their church building. She had earned
by her own work a considerable sum
for child, when a friend heard her
express great desire to own a canary
bird. 1t was suggested to her that She
could easily purchase one from hel
own purse. COP she replied, II can't
get thing for myself while | have
that church on my shoulders"
\ Hewletts, Hanover county, letter.
writer tells the following anecdote of =
preacher near there who is an old wild.
over: "He has recently fallen very
much in love with a good, piOus lady
OF his church, and few days ago h,
said to her: "Sister Lizzie, the Lord SEN,
me to this church meaning his mas
toral charge) to marry you She blush
Ell and bowed her head a minute or so
and then looked up at him and said
The Lords will be done"
a young Chicagoan aged exactly
years, who has been spending the sum
mer al Fargo, Oak, was recently take,
70 church for the first time since he wa
Old enough to notice his surroundings
One evening in the ensuing week b
was taken to the theatre, wher. h
hlghS enjoyed himself The succeaJ