Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-08-30
1 Hain't Gwine Ter do Hit.

as if it was far gone in consumption
was tied to a lamp post, and standing
on the sidewalk in front of Nose
Schumburg's emporium, on Austir
avenue. The colored porter came
out, and seeing the pony tied to the
lamp-post, and old Uncle Nose leaning
against it, said banteringly:
"Look heah, ole man, jess you on
hich dat ar crowbait from often dat al
lamppos'."
81 amt gwine ter do hit" said
Uncle Nose sullenly.
"Why don't yer hire cart" con
tinued the colored porter, "and hab
him moved out inter de mosque bush
es whar de buzzards kin hold a con
vention on de ole bag oh bones? On
tie yer hoss, ole man, hit am agin dc
law ter hitch hosses to the lamp post
ses." 81 hain't gwine ter do hit" re-
piled old Nose.
CPL see about dat ar" responded
the colored porter, so he went in and
told the clerk, who came out, and
said:
"Look here, uncle, you will have to
move that horse. He draws flies, and
besides, he may fall down on somebody
and break some customer in two. You
will be fined if you tie yo ur horse to a
lamp post. Unhitch him right off,
81 hain't gwine ter do hit"
"You aint?-well, I'll show you," SO
the clerk went in and told Nose
Schaumburg, himself, that sassy mig
ger had tied his horse to the lamp
post, and cash customers were afraid
of being kicked, and were doing their
trading at the other stores.
Schaumburg came out in his shirt
sleeves, with yard-stick in his hand,
and said coaxingly to old Nose, with a
genial smile:
"Mine fren, we're you gets dot fine
FLOODED animal? Ivish you would do
me the favor to move him away mine
door pefore."
81 hain't gwine ter do hit"
81 dells you vat" urged Schaum-
burg, even you dakes dat horse away
right off some of desc fine days don't
you forget it, | makes you splendid
Christmas present of pair of nish
new suspenders, by shimminey gra-
shus."
81 done tole yer, hain't gwine ter
do hit"
Then Schaumburg lost control of
himself. Before anybody could pre-
vent him, he ran his hand into his
hip-pocket. Old Uncle Noses eyes
began to stick out, and his legs to
wabble about, when Schaumburg drew
forth not pistol but police whistle,
upon which he began to improvise a
lively tune.
About forty men, supposing fight
was going on, poured out of neigh
boring saloon, like bees out Of hive.
The gentlemen who sat in front of the
Brunswick hotel, and squirt tobacco
juice Oh the sidewalk, went on the
doublequick to where Schaumburg
was still engaged on his solo. There
were men in the crowd with towels
about their necks and lather on one
side of their faces. Upwards of two
hundred excited men were gathered
around Schaumburg and Uncle Nose,
the former still playing on his wind in
strument, while the shy old niger was
holding his hand to his ear, and his
head OH one side, as if Schaumburg in
tended the musical performance for
the special amusement of the aged
African. Everybody in town except
the police, seemed to be there, and
everybody suspected Uncle Nose of
some horrible crime.
Finally two policemen in uniform
pushed their way through the crowd,
and with drawn revolvers wanted to
know what was the cause of the riot.
Schaumburg brought his concert to a
close, and pointing to Uncle Nose,
said:
"He Won't dake his old horse from
dot lamp post away"
81 hain't gwine ter do hit" said
Uncle Nose solemnly.
"Uncle Nose, why don't you unite
that horse and lead him Off" asked a
friendly voice in the crowd.
Because dat ar hoss don't belong
ter me. Ihain't gwine ter ontie and
lead off hoss I nebber seed before.
Use seed too many men in Texas tied
up so dar feet didn't reach de ground
for foolin'wid hosses what didn't be-
long to 'em."
There was a roar from the crowd.
"Why didn't you say before that it
wasn't your horse?" asked the indig-
nant policeman.
because nobody asked me-"
The crowd began to disperse good
humoredly, Notwithstanding the voice
of Schaumburg could be heard several
blocks of, like the voice of one crying
IN tho wilderness. acknowledgements.