The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-10-25
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Wednesday, October rs, 1852.
COMIC COMMENTS.

!. them bull "-Hargasd Times.
Nautical The young skipper VIII,
takes n party Of givls out sailing should con
Tent himself with hugging the shore. -Nes
Z Orleans Pieayune.
Wants it from the keg: Don't put il
no muskeeter nettin' for me-" said Aun
Hannah. II don't want to breathe n'
strained air."---B Boston, Transcript.
Feminine biography: Some htter-da.
philosopher has said "Send me all til
dresses a woman has worn in the course o
her life and / will write her biography from
them. fudge.
Art of advertising YES" said tbs
Georgia editor, q I'm going to fight duel
Not that there's anything to fight about, bat
al the other papers are advertising that
way .r-- Boston Post
-Sambo's heaven: The Arkansaa
7rarele,'s aged eolored person says: my
idea of de better worl is whar dar is lee
ton goin' on all de time, case den de white
folks is ailers perlightn
Turning bad at last Frank James Is
said to have moved into Kansas aud gone
into the ightning.rod business. This ends
all the talk that he has decided to reform
and live an honest fe--Boltimore Herald.
Reasonable inference, Mrs. Siddons
aud the older school of actresses were very
poor and lived plainly-at least the London
papers of that time make no mention of her
losing her diamonds. Boston Transcript.
Positively his last appearanA. rs
this your first appearance il a conrt OF jus
ticef" asked the Austin Recorder of va
grant. No, Judge, it is the last time thus
'faf-how is it with yourself Pr Teaas ,@iift.
fngs.
"A boys test Little Johnny said to his
playmate: Don't You think the new
teacher is a lardy-dah ?" "Dunno," replied
the other small boy; what for2" +" Cause
he throws stone just like q gol"-N y.
Commercial ddpertiser.
Lamb and the cheese: Charles Lamb
w.ss once asked by cheese monger if he
should send homo some fine ripe Stilton
cheese for him. " No, th-th-thank you,
said Charles, +" if you win give me a bit OF
twine cou-cou-corld, p'rbaps, ll-Llehd ii
home.r
The difference There is considerable
difference between lawyers and doctors
handling case. The more lawyers there
are in case the longer the case will last
but the more doctors there AFRO in case the
shorter work they nuke of it.
Too. young for the congregation /;
Probably the youngest bride in tho country
Is Mrs. Thomas Payne, who is only eleven
years and six months old Her husband is
clergyman III South Carolina. She's pretty
Young to stand the uagging aud abuse of a
whole congregation. Az S1gtS.
Elegance in writing Avoid repeti-
ton" said school teacher to his pupils;
'if you wish 10 make your essays readable,
use different words to express the same idea
The next dry one Of the boys read compo.
sition in which he said; 1.-THE we'll digger
did not feel cistern, but he handled ill.,"
Mixed; We are not quite sure we have
got il quite right, but the northern editor, in
writing about an army reunion, stated that
Gen. Sickles, handsome and graceful, even
upon his crutches, rnade u very amusing
speech with one leg.
The small boy in the gallery: "Jude-
mentl said the preacher, seriously, from
tho pulpit, as he concluded telling point
in his sermon, Judgment" and small
boy IN the gallery near the organ loft
squeaked. "out on firstl' The base ball fever
is spreading. Wa5.
No fellows for her; Elderly spinster
twho Is being measured for pair of hoots)
=" And mind that you make one larger
than the other" Attendant with sstonish
ment) r." Then they won't be fellows
ma'am!" E. $. with asperity) ~" Certain
iy not; do not like fellows aud will lave
nothing whatever to do with them p'--Hoa
don Judy.
Mistaken: Lovely" ex lain,ed
smith, of poeticai temperament, to his
friend Brown. Enchanting !" responded
Brown. They must have meant me, tho
bold, bad things wrote Miss Decker in q
subsequent letter to friend. 81 was the
only female ON the pier Such good-looking
fellows, too. dear!" Bnt, after nil, they
were only admiring the sunset" london
Fun.
Postal item Is dis heah letter al
right, boss I" asked an Austin darkey hand.
ing the clerk letter he wanted to send OIL
N the mail The clerk weighed the lettor
aud returned il, saying; "You wart 70
pat another stamp on il. Ii weighs too
nnch-" :. III puts another stamp on de
letter, dat won't make hit no lighter Oats
swine ter make it weigh more.", 7sras
SJtiags
Arsonsit soup: Take G pail of water
and wash ii clean. Then boil II till il is
brown on both sides. Pour in che bean.
When the bean begins to worry, prepare il
to simmer. Ii tho sonp will not simmer, u
Is too rich, and yon must pour in more
water. Dry the water with towel before
YOU put il in The dryer tho water. the
sooner it will brown. Serve hot. THREE
Ia -Norieay.
Landlord and tennnt; How much
rent do yoa pay r. asked G.ihoo'y of Hos.
letter McGiuiis twenty-five dollars. "
Isn't ina: lisila high for place like Aus.
Tin ~ : Yes, it is q little high for summer /;
but the place has a good stout cedar fcnce
around it and ] calculate to save forty dol.
lars this win.er in iirowood, SO that will
bring the rent down to a reasonable figure. "
--Teras SUtiaas
Sunday school intelligence; (Which
is tho first and most :mportan: sacramento ?"
asked al Austin Sunday school teacher Of a
little girl in his class. Marriage" was the
prompt response. % no; baptism is the
ssss and most impor sacrament," replied
the teacher. :" I: may be in some families,
but marriage always comes first in our FAM
ily Wearo respectable people, we are."-
Iezas Siftiags
Wavnr.t Toaf Ual~ Nastn.a.