The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-01-28
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
A glib goose--The tailSr's.


"But, doctor. don't scripture say there is a
time to dancer ''Certainly; and the time is
when YOU have stepped barefooted on tack"
A member Of the Ohio legislature bolted the
caucus because he couldn't have his wife APP
pouted deputy clerk OF that body.
When shoemaker takes up his awl for a job
Of work, he must push the thing through.-N.
Q. Picdyune.
The Indiana Secretary of State received Al APP
plication from justice of the peace who wanted
an appointment as "noter republic"
The loafer can never be reduced to his last loaf,
aud made 10 work, while free lunches abound
Y. o. Picdyune.
Such is the nature of political structure that
Il cannot be held together with holts. This is a
hint for Mr. John Kelly.
The Marquis Of Lorne has written poem on
Quebec, but, as it is to be printed in London
paper, this country has no right to complain
dress coat is the proper garment to wear at
swell dinner. IL doesn't button in front and
dives you chance to swell .-Bost0n POST
$50 Pharaoh's daughter has been discovered
in the ruins at Thebesy How well remember
calling on her New-Year's Days. j. 7iicn
ii Chicago Tribune.
Siycr dollars with holes in them arc painfully
numerous, but they are not half 80 painfully
numerous as holes without any silver dollars
around them.
An exchange, speaking Of Jennie Cramer, says
Her feet went down to death" lfJennie was
native Of at. Louis, public sympathy will be on
the side of death.
When the Car OF Russia met the Emperor OF
Germany, the other day, il was the former who
remarked, KAISER, hows your dog |-Phtadd-
mia Ckroncle,
Professor Cunning, up in Michigan, is lectur-
Jag on "After Man, WhatY' A Fort Wayne edi-
tor, who has been there, rises to remark that 1t
is generally the sheriff or some woman.
In New York recently bride tainted as the
wedding party entered the church. She WAS too
sght laced. A. the wedding dinner the bride
groom fell off his chair. He was tight too, but
not from aclng.
"Dd sou receive my card Mrs. C.Y' ooh,
yes" replied Mrs. G., "and have been expect
ing TO return your CALL but that is one of the
terrible things that always keep putting Off"
Mrs. Is. looks pleased, but she doesn't feel that
way.
If not on tho arm, where was Emma Abbott
Vaccinated, anyhow ?-Peoria DemOcrat. All the
Chicago papers agree that she WAS vaccinated
in that city, at the Pacific Hotel, in room AZ, to
be particular. Now are you satisfied?
The principal development in the Guiteau trial
during the past week Is that District Attorney
Corkhill was once sued for a wash bill of 50 10.
AT one time II great many people labored under
the delusion that the trial had some connection
with the murder OF President Garfield. --Chicagol
Tribune.
Dan Edson, Of Warrensburg, Pa, was a terri
BILE blasphemcr. A horse kicked him in barn
the other daA, and his CALCULATIONS were uncom-
monty prolonged aud violent. Then flames
broke out among the hay, and the building was
destroyed There is no convincing the neigh.
bors that Dams suphurous language did not
klndle the fire
WILL NOT LIQUOR THEN
Young men, like dogs, Will have their days"
And some will have their nights"
And sometimes, too like ballet girls,
We've seen them have their tights
Well. well, we know they settle down
When they are older men
When each has got little wife,
They will not liquor then IF.
The Buffalo Commercial advertiser mentions
what may be safely set down as the worst case
Of spelling Of recent record. II occurred In n
"not is" Of a 'sellybrashun" to be held on the
shores OF Lake Eary," and mentioned the occa.
sion as 'guble" This word troubled the edi-
tor good deal, but, with rare perspicaclty, he
at length resolved 1t into Jubilee
la,, Il, t.i...
United States Court in that city, having acquitted
q man though he had confessed his guilt, the
Court set aside the verdict, telling the Jury: at
may not be amiss for me to remind you that the
pardoning power is by the constitution OF the
United States vested in the president, and it is
not exactly proper that petit jury should usurp
that power
The Chicago Legat Ncps has a sore grievance
against the type iend." About the only With |
ctsm The editor had ever attempted was to ridi-
ale contemporary for insisting on the preempt-
~ recall OF Steve Hurlbut, as American Minis. |
ter to Peru. Correct and re.correct the proof |
sheet as he would, the pervcrse compositor In |
isted on printing the word prtenIptory, which |
he editor was ridlculing, "per.emptory" thus of |
course destroying the point Of his Joke.
y. Y. Sun FLING AT HAYES.
fesl-l really can't subscribc-R H. Hayes
really can't subscribe, you know,
For poverty aiilicts me so
And 30 distressing is my case
That have serious doubts II
Could at u moments notice buy
A hundred thousand dollar place
Ny funds carefully invest,
And would lose the interest
II should rashly call them in
Were 10 help you buy stone
With cash that should be let alone
Why, that would be sort of sn
James Garfield was noble man,
Well built on the Ohio plan
A better man you seldom see
But other noble persons live,
Who ought TO get and not to give
For instance look at Grant and me