Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1882-07-20
A Dodo.
0Professor, what IS a Dodo q

professor, what is a Dodo?'
There are several species of the Dod0
my son, and there used to be several more
before the fool-killer cut the country VI
into regular districts"
"Please describe some of them 10 me q
''With pleasure. YSu have probably
attended Sunday-school picnic given on
the banks of a lake or river SIX fat
women, two girls who wear eye glasses,
and a very good who lisps, make up q
party to take ride on the water. AS
they are ready to shove OFF, the Dodo ap-
pears and keeps them company"
"What is he like, and what does he
dol"
''He is generally a soft headed young
man under twenty three years of age, and
he STANDS UP and rocks the the boat to
hear the fat women scream end to induce
the girls 10 call him Gweorge."
does the boat upsetr"
at does"
''And is everybody drowned Z"
'E Terybody except the Dodo. He al
ways reaches the shore In safety, and he is
always so sorry that 1t happened. He is
sometime SO affected that it takes away
Ills appetite for lunch."
land Is anything done with him Z"
They sometimes rub his head with a
cheap brand Of peppermint essence and
turn him out to grass, but no one ever
thinks of doing him harm"
And the next species Z"
''The next species is youth from six
teen 10 twenty. He labors under what
the aHClents termed the swelhead. lie
gets out the family shotgun or revolver to
show off. He points it at some BOY OF
glrl to see 'em sniver, and after he has
testified before the coroner that he didn't
know it was loaded. the affair Is looked
upon as ended"
us this species on the increase 7"
'Well, no. The friends of the victims
have got to making such fuss over these
trIt1es that they -didn' -know-it-w loaded
Dodo isn't quite holding his own"
What is the third species?'
''The third species belongs to the female
sex. Of course there are two sexes Of the
Dodo. She buys arsenic to kill rats, or
corrosive sublimate TO discourage bed bugs,
or Paris green 10 give cockroaches a hint
to skip, and she leaves the package on the
pantry shelf alongside Of her baking pow
| der. She may keep 'em separate for two
or three days, but it isn't over week be-
fore the family begins to lose their appe-
tite and hire cheap boy To go for doc,
tor and a stomach pump"
''And Is she sorry9"
"Oh, yes. She didn't mean to, yOu
know; never thought of killing the family;
always lived happy witt her husband; had
entirely forgotten that be had any life III
surance; was in hurry and didn't stop tc
| look"
''And is there yet another species oI
Dodo?"
Several others, but we haven't the time
to take 'em in detail ana give full partlcu
lars in each case. The lnan who thinks
the best horse wins, Is Dodo. The
woman who gets into society on the
strength of her false hair, small waist
painted eyebrows, chalked cheeks anC
cramped feet is Dodo The man wh(
thinks he can take comfort on steamboat
excursion-the man who goes on fishini
excursion-the woman who weeps owe
the heathen- grl who writes poetry
on sunseJs-the young man looking Tor
necktie to become him-the old man wh(
marrles young wife-Why, it would takt
me ali hour to mention them all. Pu
away your books in carerul manner ant
we will walk out and see some live sDecl
mems of the Dodo. know of one who
has engaged to deliver a Fourth of Jul,
oretion, and perhaps we may get shot a
him"