Nebraska advertiser., 1882-06-29
Umbrellas.

may not be very profound observation,
but IL compares fayorably with the prov
erb that night brings out the stars, both
in profundity and originality. Yester-
day being rainy day In this city and
It's suburbs, umbrellas swarmed in the
streets and dripped all over people in
the street cars. Most OF these umbrel-
las were comparatively new, and the
fact suggests the question: What be-
comes Of old umbrellasP
There are at present in this country
at least twenty-four millions OF private
umbrellas, exclusive OF those remaining
unsold i'm manufactures and shops.
Each umbrela-owner buys nj least one
new umbrella every year, his previous
one having been stolen, lost or worn
out. We thus see that there Is an an
nual apparent disappearance of twenty
four millions OF umbrellas. and the mo-
ment we fully comprehend this fact we
perceive the Importance Of the question:
What becomes Of these umbrellasp
We may admit that many of them are
stolen. Men who would not steal n one
cent postage stamp will, nevertheless,
feel no hesitation in seizing upon any
umbrella that is temporarily separated
with triumph About one-sixth of the
title to all umbrellas now in active use
Is probably of this semi-felonious nature.
There is said to be rich umbrella-sell-
or in this city whose stock costs him alb
solutely nothing, since IL Is collected by
PLAYING uNon the consciences Of his fell
iow-men. He walks along Broadway,
and when he sees n desirable umbrella
he stops the man who Is carrying II and
remarks: Excuse me. my friend, but
you have my umbrella" AT tleast every
fourth man thus stopped knows that his
title to the umbrella in his possession
will not endure investigation, and 40 he
hastily surrenders the umbrella, remark
ing as he does so: 81 was looking for
an owner for IL. and intended to send it
TO Police headquarters this afternoon"
On every overcast and threatening day
this ingenious collector--who is always
followed by a boy with hand-cart-
gathers In from seventy-fve TO one hum
dred umbrellas, which he aiterward sells
at the usual retail price.
But, conceding that one-sixth of our
active umbrellas are stolen or sold for
the second time, there still remain
eighteen millions of umbrellas whose
annual disappearance is to be accounted
for. Let us assume that OF this number
two millions are furnished with new
covers and fresh coat of varnish, and
so re-enter into circulation as new UNI
brellas. Still there are sixteen millions
more which vanish utterly from the face
of the earth.
In the case of the disappearance of
pins-a familiar subject which has oc-
cupied, for many years, the attention OF
our statisticians and other scientific
persons--it is easy to say That theii
small size enables them to successfully
conceal themselves. Old umbrella,
have not this advantage. Next to {
hoop-skirt, an old umbrella is the mos
obtrusive thing in nature. Not only
does it refuse TO conceal itself, but i
attacks every one who comes within III
reach, and clings desperately to his leg
and garments. Its ribs protrude in al
directions, like the tentacles Of the oc
topus, and no amount of force or inge
nuity can compress il into small space
To get rid of an old umbrella will b.
seen, on reflection, To be apparently on,
of tho most abstruse and difficult o
problems.
II Is well established that old umbrel
las are not kept in houses. The house
wife when questioned rs TO what has be
come of any given old umbrella viii
always reply vaguely; "Oh, 1t has beel
thrown away" OF course, this can no
be understood literally. II sixteel
millions Of old umbrellas were thrown
into the street every year they would b
blown about In clouds much thicke
than the ordinary city dust cloud. an,
there would not be a horse or pedestrian
in existence who had not sustained in
juries from old umbrella ribs. Whe
the housewife throws away" an un
brella it unquestionably vanishes, bu
what she calls "throwing away"
obviously peculiar and mysterious ac,
Hasty thinkers may assume that oil
umbrellas are cast out into vacant lots
where they are promptly devoured b
goats. This may seem plausibl
theory 10 any one but zoologist. Th
latter knows, however, that while th
goat may be roughly described as a
omniverous animal he Is not umbre
iverous. Undoubtedly goats do e'
hoop-skirts. and in the days when hool
skirts were fashionable, thousands
goats were fattened upon them o.
clusively. The umbrella has so man
of the characteristics of the hoop-ski
that one would naturally suppose thu
it would tempt the appetite ofgoats, b'
il is well-ascertained fact that for son
unexplained reason no goat will touch s
umbrella, except when suffering fro
starvation. Prof. Tyndall kept a go
for seven days without food, and offer,
him an old umbrella every day, but Il
goat would not ottouch it until the seven
day, when, being overcome Wi
hnnper. he ate three ribs and part of q