Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-29
WIT AND HUM0R.

WIT AND HUMOR.
Anything but pleasant trip-fall-
ing over u sidewalk obstruction.-Ex.
The poorest borrower can always
return thanks.-New York News.
Bugle trimmings are recommended
for windy day.-New Orleans Plea
yune.
To save a dollar is the easiest thing
in tlss world-don't spend it.-Free
Press.
81 never hear anything that is said
against me-" remarked the deaf man.
Boston Star.
The attempt of Arab to destroy
the canal was Suez-cidal Baltimore
Every Saturday.
"Come up higher" said the choir
leader to the tenor who sat with the
congregation.-Ex.
The journalist, like the carpenter,
makes living by means of his ads.
Lowell Courier.
There is an East Indian lady in
Paris who can talk in twelve Ian
guages. Fortunately she is not mar
ried.- Boston Post.
If your son asks something of you
which you know ought not to be
granted, do not hesitate to say "No."
1t is wise father, says the proverb,
who nos his own son.-Boston Trans
cript.
Translated from the Omnibus /:
Housewife-"Before l you employ
must l you ask: Have you lover?"
Servant maiden-"One? l should
SMILE"
A western editor tells what he
would do if he were a jackass. A
rival journalist remarks that what
people desire to know is, what he
would do if he wasn't one.-Ex.
Many London ladies crop their
hair short. 1t is painfully evident
that the married men in the city will
soon lose their grip.-New York Com
mefcial Advertiser. ~
Mistress to new cook-"On We'd
nesdays and Saturdays l shall 60 to
market with you." New cook--"Very
well, mum, but who's agoing to carry
the basket, mum ?"-Quiz.
An exchange says: "There will
be no pronounced loud styles this
winter" Don't you believe it. The
style of snoring will be just as loud
as ever.-Philadelphia Herald.
A paper brick mandatory is in
operation in Wisconsin. Paper bricks
would be a capital thing for building
in the cyclone districts. They are al
ways stationary. ry."-Inter-Ocean.
/
A New York paper advertises a
Buggy Company" We shouldn't
think it would be very desirable to
get into such company. Too much
back-biting INDUCED in.-Norristown
Herald.
Convict this man of being gamb-
ler," said the Texas judge. 81 won't
hear of it. He's an infant at cards.
Why, / beat him out Of S120 last
night, when was pretty drunk, too"
Boston Post.
T.B.O. T. d. A. F. #. T. S. o. T. L.
7. merely stands for the Toronto
Branch of the Dominion Alliance for
the Total Suppression of the Liquor
Traffic. 1t is temperance society
with an intemperate title.-Free Press.
A good Quaker lady, after listen
ing to the extravagant yarn of per-
son as long as her patience would al
low, said to him: Friend, what a
pity it is a sin to lie, when it seems SO
necessary to your happiness"
A German chemist has invented a
bullet which breaks upon striking q
person and renders him unconscious
for twelve hours. The Arkansaw bul.
let does not break, but it will render
a man permanently unconscious.-Ar'
kansaw Traveller.
"You are an Englishman, l sup
pose," said the foreman of a printing
office to a compositor who spilled 8
lot of type on the floor. "No," sale
the compositor, "why did you think
sof" Nothing, only / see you droI
your his. s."-Askansaw Traveller.
Some performers in a circus arr
really not worth their salt, and have
a hard time to get along after the sea
son closes with a long winter befor,