The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-04-05

coat with q long tail than in the
silly things worn now-a-days--noth-
ing in front and nothing behind ;
and one walks easier in old boots
than in new ones, especially if one
is troubled with corns; and every
body has corns in due time; some
hurt here, others there.
So think to-day, now am old ;
but when a boy of twelve | was al.
ways having something new. III
got new knife or new bow and
arrow / carried them about with me
two, three or four days, then left
them lying around or lost or swap
ped them and had something else
new; and from curiosity l soon ac-
qulred a love of swapping, and from
this might easily have gone TO some
thing worse flour Lord had not caus-
ed my old uncle to give me two
smart slaps at the right time.
Every bargain needs two people,
one clever and one stupid. The
business may be bad for both; the
clever fellow gradually becomes a
rascal, the stupid one beggar.
Well, / must without knowing it
have learned a little toward the
latter side, for people have always
reckoned me among the stupid ones,
and when / look at the condition of
my property ! can't exactly contra
dict them. As my friend Land
lord Gollenrieder in Trepton says,
''let it be as they like" l got the
slaps, and since in my native city
this was thought right probably
deserved them.
But the reason / got them is as
follows:
| had a wonderfully handsome
buck rabbit, Maltese with a white
face. and my best friend, Fritz
Ritsch, wanted it. Fritz Ritsch and
/ were always swapping and | had
received all sorts of fine things
from him, only it was pity l didn't
exactly know what to do with them.
Well, this time he wanted to give
me in exchange for my rabbit eight
chessmen, three blown eggs and a
half pair of snufiers. | was also
to have one ofthe pups of his Aunt
Rumpler's terrier when it had pups,
which, however, as ] afterwards
learned by experience, wouldn't
have been likely to happen, as il
was a male dog. Well, everything
was all right except the half of the
pair of snuffers. / couldn't get that
through my head and asked, Fritz,
what am to do with this old hall
thing?"
"Why," said he, II found it when
/ went into the woodward yester-
day; you can surely find the other
half there and then sell it. for eight
greschen."
Yes, that / might easily do but
had often looked and never found
anything, so the matter seemed
doubtful. Then he said: Fritz, y
for my name was Fritz too-'Just
think, my father is only black
smith and your father is Burger
meister why shouldn't you find
something as well as ! ?"
This was true, SO the bargain was
concluded and he went away. But
as he walked out of the garden gate
with my rabbit and / stood looking
at my three blown eggs and hall
pair Of snuffers-smack, smack
got the two slaps, and when l
looked around saw my mother's s
brother, Uncle Matthies, who had
been sitting behind the apple tree
and heard the whole bargain.
My Uncle Matthies was an old
soldier and had queer ways; he al
ways struck first and then told why.
He had been in Hungary and
Poland, seen the world and knew a
great many stories; but the worst
OF his stories was that they always
had a moral which / would gladly
have had him omit, for when he
came to it he always gave me a box
on the car TO make me remember it
better.
When / had received the slap my
Uncle Matthies sat down en- the
bench under the apple tree and
said:
boy, do you know why you had
that memento?"
@No, uncle" said /, you haven't
told any story"
THAT will come afterwards he
replied. you got the punishment
for your bargaining, for SO far as /
know your father wants to bring up
no iockies. Now come here and
listen to the story.
when l was stationed at Peter
WARDEN with the Hungarian Uh-
lans we had a captain in the SQUAD
ron. a man who had a hump be-
tween his shoulders and was always
wanting something new and as full
of whims as a donkey is of gray
hairs; if he fell into gutter he
didn't rest until he tumbled in a
ditch too, and if he wore boots to-
day, he would have shoes to-mor-
row and slippers the day after. Yet
he had plenty of money and the
follies his foolish brain invented
his purse made good, at least fer a
time.
"What then was more natural
than that our little misshappen cap
tain should have a crowd of hungry
comrades about him who stuck like
burs, drained him like teaches. but
laughed at him like rascals behind
his back. Well, one of this brother
hood told him that the greatest
pleasure in the world was to sit in a
glass coach drawn by four horses
and ride up and down the high
road. Our little captain remember
ed that he hadn't done this. so il
was something new, and as nv
friend Cobbler Samekow in Rostock
used to say, consequently the glass
coach and mares were procured and
the greatest pleasure in the world
began, but also came To a speedy
end; for when our little whipper.
straw OF a captain sat in the glass
coach and slid from one window to
the other, like a devil in medicine
bottle, the people stood still and
laughed as if they saw an ape