The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-01-31
How a Private Boarding
House Was Declared in a
State ofSiege by the
BOarderS.
The Destroying Angels of
Hash Fall i'm Love With
the Chambermaid and
the Cook.
They Receive the Grand
Bounce, and are Now in
Search of Another
Hashery.
How the Bazoo Boarding House
Items are Appreciated by
the Consumers Of
"VittelS."
NJ. h. AZ / SAND lIOrSF.)


SETALIA, Jan. ~, 81
EDITOR BAZoo.
Dear Friend ~ YOU have berna.. friend
path finder and good adviser tn the OPP
pressed boarier>, juds, 81 from the III
;err>t vou have shown in the unior,urate>
who arr compelled To- eat out butcher
AMI store bills, appta To- You ior advice
To relieve me III NV distress, aud log nv
five companions - h1 gre east upon tht.
cold world, orphans, without u moment
warning by the cruel female women hash
hVU-e pruprictor>.
To he explicit and plain III tell YOU oil
al',dut my fellow boar,!erS aud >clf. on the
superstition shat you canuut any more than
4 physician prescribe fora disease without
iir,; KNOWN; how the patient ieriS. -"
here il co,-:
First, my fellow boar,lcr with thu squ;nt-
cyc -et the grt cI.-tvtd monster aGlnw hv
taking our cool, to the h'"yera. This rile,!
Tom. the b1ar,lor from OHIO, Who in urn
makes IL q practice tu ~ iu th,. Kitchen. IN
~, "a ;he pots and pans. par lis tie nails
hy the stove, and wrIkc,,~ hi- whisky with
an overdose al water, and then hangs him
sell 0n i nail back pi the wnpd-uox Ia dry
the suVeriluuuS matter cut III himself. and
To- ba>k hi ugly phiz in the ,inileS Of the
cook, ju>t io ycX u> all and make IL pant
Tor revenge.
Next: Eoarler Jim tried to talk sweet
To- the chamhermaid, hut she would not
have IL. To revenge himself he piles on
the bread the butter lsuud butter. too,
aud On the butter heaps up the sugar. inst
like they 10 in Ienrsy lvania, and does
not care Tor cook nor maid no more
Next comes the blacksmith. He. I'll ri
sudden, takes the Rooster fever, puts
himself in spirits, comes home moon
struck, dances Il Scotch rel, uses bad
grammar and snor,s sufficiently hard to
crack the plastering.
Another takes possession of the cook en-
tirely, manages To- have u room and he'd all
To- himself, eats with the ladies most of the
time-in short, he Is in tall clover, and vx-
cludes all even the bOarder with the BAY
window; but he with the the Inv window
IN turn, To retaliate nu the cook AMI her
lover, sits up with the chamhermaid to
such an extent that she becomes sick, and
he il likely to pay doctor bill Tor his
folly.
The consequence Of all these love-mak-
ings Of the boar,iers tn the chambermaid
that the boartier with the peculiar eve
traIaps field knee deep in the mud every
day Tor his hash; three Others are boarding
in n dugou,, and another roosts on a plank
in his shop with female cats for his com
panions
The b0arder with the bav window
tramps the town To find place TO roost AMI
fill his gripping stomach but loh the poor
boarder, he is to be pitied most of all
After having inquired 1T various places
and received the answer that no more
boarders were wanted, that they
had no room for him, and so on, and was
about To- give ii up and return To the sand
house, but his growing hunger compelled
him to make one more effort AT q genteel
looking house. The landlord answered the
call, accompanied by the cook, who sur
viewed the applicant from head to foot a
consultation was held, and the conference
appeared TO be favorable. The cook in
formed the Ian ilord that the wash boiler
would be sufficiently large and that only 4
few extra pans would be required 10 pre-
pare sufficient food for the new boarder,
who stood all the while trembling, his
empty stomach heaving like n collapsed
balloon, inflated nj times BY gust vi wiHd.
and muttered silent PRAYER. He Was
about Ia step in the parlor, when oh {.
horribly 20 relate, out comes the chamber
maid, clasp her hand over her head, wells
To the Landlord: "Dont take him he is
the bosrder with the bay window who
bankrupted bachelors roost."
The hash tiend utters feeble cry. his
bay window collapses, he faints and is
carried by the landlord out into the back
aliey, where he is found ON q manure pile
by fellow dodgers in the sand house, who
sd far have kindly left life in him To tell
this tale OF facts.
Moral-Young rooster, don't go in the
kitchen; don't spark the cook or maid
You old rooster who have hens and lots
Of chickens at home, don't take your land
lady To- the opera, or spark the chamber
maid. And you, landlsdies, engraft il on
your brooms. ana paint it on Your kitchen
walls: No Partially 10 your boar,iers, and
let the sudden demise of Bachelors Roost
he warming to you all. And you, Mr..
Editor, use your wit and influence 10 keep
the stout hash eater out Of Jail and from
collsp-ing.
HIS Marx