The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-02
THE MISSING sUSPENpER.
Mrs. Spoopendyke, in q Fit of Do
mestic Economy, Cleans Her
Husbands Clothes.
BROOKLYN Ea1la.

Husbands Clothes.
Brooklyn Eagle.
NOW, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, as he stretched himself and drew
on his pan'aloous, "you've cleaned these
trousers up ifstrate. This is what l
cell economy. If 1'd taken 'em to the
tailor's it would have cost couple OF
dollars at least, and you've saved Just
that amount" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
went to his ablutions and then pulled on
his shirt.
"I'll clean your coat, too, il you like,
said Mrs Spoopendyke. Leave it at
home some day and I'll take this spot
out OF the sleeve" and Mrs. Spoopefi-
dyke hustled around, and looked delight.
ed with the idea Of pleasing her hus'
band.
"Where's my suspenders ?" asked Mr.
Spoopendyke, serewing himself around
around and looking down his back
You didn't clean the susoeuders clear
out Of sight, did you7"
"They were there when you put on
vour pants, said Mrs Spoopendyke. 81
have not touched them. What did you
do with them ?"
"Oh, yes, certainly. / did something
with them! What dye 'spose / did with
them2 Think / set 'em up in business
somewhere. don't ye3 Got an idea
gave 'em vacation to go fishing, haven't
ye? Well. l didn't send 'em away to be
educated for the ministry. Where's my
suspenders2 Where'd you put 'em
S'pose I'm going round holding these
pants up all day3 Think l got no busi.
ness interests besides holding on my
breeches with both hands What'd you
do with the - things 2"
II know I didn't take them off the
pants," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, pulling
open the bureau drawers and hustling
things around in vain endeavor TO find
the missing articles. "They must be
there somewhere"
"Sbow 'em to me, then" demanded
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "rske 9 stick and
point 'em out to me! OF course they
are there somewhere, only just put your
thumb on 'em! What have you done
with 'em Can't ye recollect whether
ye made 'em up into hat-bands for the
heatben, like you did my dressing.gown,
or whether you planted them to see il
they would grow, like you did my straw
hat7 Think they walked off like Cro-
ton bugP" howled Mr.. Spoopendy ke,
poking around in the soiled clothes-bag.
Where's those suspenders ?" and be
pulled the books of the shelf and rum
mayed around behind the case with 8
broomhandle for divining-rod.
"Maybe l can fix your pants 30 You
won't need any suspenders to-day, and
I'll find them before night" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"That's it. You've got it," raved Mr..
Spoopendyke. "How are you going to
fix them9 Going to tie them on with q
sboestring, like you do your hustle !?
Going to walk around behind me all day
and hold 'em on2 P'rhaps you can pull
EN- up and button 'em round my neck !
How dye propose to fix emf Going
to put 'em on me upside downs ii they
fall they'll fall up7 II had your head
I'd 60 out to service as ile. FIX 'em.
why don't ye7 Why don't ye fix 'em ?
These trousers are getting sick st the
stomach, waiting to be 6xed," and Mr.
Spoopendyke shot across the room and
dove under the wardrobe in search OF
the lost suspenders
"Just let me buckle them tight be-
hind" said. Mrs. Spoopendyke; "the
strap will hold them"
"Tbat's the scheme!' shrieked Mr.
Spoopendyke Something's got to hold
them! II was as sharp as you Id get
rich hiring out for an oyster-knife. All
you want is to have somebody sit cross
legged on you, and come home two
weeks after you're expected TO be = tai.
lnr.shop! Going to find those dod. gas.
ted suspenders between now and the
next warp"
IL know they were on his pants when
be put them on" mused Mrs. Spopen.
dyke, entering upon o little induc,ive
reasoning. "He didn't take them of, so
they must be there now" and the good
woman approached her husband with q
smile.
"Oh! now they're going to be dxed.'
said Mr.. Spoopendyke with horrible
grin. "P'rsps you're going to cut but
ton-holes in your hands and feet, and
hang over my shoulders, ain't YEP Want
me to put 'em on over my head, like 8
measly skirt and two tucks and founce
to it, don't ye7 Maybe you think those
suspenders hurried down to breakfast go
as to get the FIRST crack at the morning
paper, dou't ye2"
But Mrs. Spoopendyke made no re-
sponse. Opening the back OF her hus-
bands nuttering shirt she saw the mis-
sing suspenders, He had slipped them
over his shoulders before assuming the
muslin and had forgotten oil about
them
"Smart as q whip, amt ye" growled
Mr.. SpooDendyke, as he drew off his
shirt aud let the suspenders down. 'If
my head was as clear as yours I'd hire
out for ehurch-bell. You only reed
four lessons and drop of rain water to
be mic oscope," and Mr.. Spoopendyke
hurried on hls clothes, and scuttled down
stairs to get the morning paper before
his wife could get clutch at it.
"BlOw Out Them Candles"