The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-09-11
WIT AND HUM0R.

credit is to take no note of him.
A miser is a man who may be truth
fully described as criminally-poor.
'What. sir. is friendship" Friend
ship. sir. is devotion by another"
The vulgar phrase. DRY up!' is now
asthetieally rendered, keep drouthy."
Never insult milkman BY asking
him what watering-place he is going to
this summer.
What relation is yEar fathers only
brothers sister-in-laW to you? Your
mother, of course.
This is the rock of ages said
tired father who had kept the cradle go
ing two hours, and the baby still awake.
An editor, only married week ago.
yesterday printed fierce article against
''bossism."
You can call spirits from the vasty
deep of a drug store if your eye has been
properly trained.
The man who lodged complaint
and boarded car' says he is going
out of the hotel business.
The ballet girls of Paris are on
strike. Poor things! we suppose they
want money to buy clothes.
The lah-de-dah Notwithstanding
young man is now styled third-class
male matter.
You can't eat enough in week to
last you year, and you can't advertise
on that plan either
A western railway company is seri-
ously thinking of calling its main road
1.-The Primogeniture Route. because it
is the heir line.
Twill you drop us saline?' asked a
friend of man departing from SYRIA
cuse. That depends salt together on
circumstances" was the reply.
prisoner, this is the third time this
year that you have appeared before this
court. What has brought you here now,
eh?" 1.-The police, sirH'
A brother of the King of Siam is
named Damroughser We should Judge
the folks who named him took him for
New York Alderman.
Papa: ''Pon my word, II think
shall have the heartburn" Little daugh-
ter: Shall fetch it for you. papa? Is
it in the cupboard?"
The Syracuse Herald thinks that the
Chicago Tribune was not far out of the
~ SPOAS VA - NNN1CA ANOAAh3 AAo
patients purse"
The Digger Indians of California play
foot ball. and invariably supplement the
sport with dance, a drunk and free
tight Very like white men.
Trout fishing is unusually good this
year. We have reports of sixteen-inch
trout having been caught in two-inch
streams.
A Newport youth drives three horses
abreast to I cart. Poverty has its adj
vantages. A man may be born idiot,
but he can't show it unless he has mon
ey.
A Springfield Republican man has
a Leadville church, in which
is conspicuously displayed the legend:
please do not shoot at the organist; he
does his best"
1t is alleged that Arab Bey was ORR
ginally confectioner. His endeavor
to supply caramels for the girls drove
him to his present extremity of rebel
lion against the whole world.
In the mountains-Arabella (whose
soul is wrapped in science); Charles,
isn't this gneissw Charles (who is deep
ly interested in Arabella): Mice! It's
delicious"
"Well, my little man, aren't you bare
footed rather early this season?'' said
gentleman to a youngster
this morning. ''Guess not Wuz born
Pats illness-Doctor-' Pat,
have you taken the box of pills sent
your" Pat-''Yes. sir. be jabers.I have;
bat don't feel any better yet; maybe
the lid hasn't come off yetr'
German friend: s'De picture you hat
painted is most putiful; dere is onlyvon
word in de English lanckguige vich de-
scribes it, and ] hat vorgotten it,
She had been over but week, and
went out as cook. They showed her
how to prepare string beans for the Ia
bic. Next day, she fixed the green peas
according to the same receipt.
The Arkansaw Irdceier'S aged color
ed person says: My idea of de better
worP is whar dar is election goin' on all
de time, case den de white folks is al
lers perlight.'
Il wish was worth $500, OOO," said
a gentleman What good would it do
you, for you don't spend your present
income?" rejoined a friend 'sOh, l
could be economical on large scaleT'
number of Baltimoreans caught in |
an unlicensed beer saloon swore that |
they did not know what they were drink |
ing. They probably told the truth. |
They would not have touched it if they |
had known.
1.-The miraculous good fortune which
invariably attends a drunken man" has |
for once, at least, been conspicuous by |
its absence. A Tallahassee man got /
drunk, lay down near swamp and was