The Portland daily press., 1882-11-16
Humor of the Bench and Bar.


The gravity of the bench is SO much char
acleristic that humors are little expected.
Yet there are many anecdotes of the bench
that show its humor to be bright and genuine.
Perhaps the grimmest humorist on the bench
in this country was Mr. Justice Grier, of the
United States Supreme Court. His colleague,
now Senator Davis, is said to relate, with great
relish, whimsical story of his first day on the
bench OF that court, He was quite impressed
with the importance of his functions and lis
tened with great eagerness to what was going
on. A young lawyer was making very ambi-
tious speech and after the h4rapgue had lasted
for nearly an hour, Judge Grier, who was seat
ed next to Judge Davis, turned as ii to speak
to him. Davis inclined his head, expecting to
hear some profound observation on the law of
the case, when the solemn Judge Grier
growled, "Confonnd that fellow. He makes
such a row l can't Sleep"
Congress, not m my years ago, passed an act
requiring term of court to be held every year
in Judge Grier's circust, at the town of Will
Transport Pennsylvania. The Judge was there
promptly at the first term, and taking his seat
commanded the clerk to call the first case. 1t
was trifing criminal case and was disposed
of in few moments by an acquittal OF the
prisoner,
"Call the next case, ;" then said the judge.
"There is no other" modestly replied the
clerk.
"What'' said the judge, breaking out into
storm of Indignation, "ca,l judge of the Su-
preme Court of the United States here to try
one case? Why, you might as we'll call regi-
ment of United States soldiers to shoot at a
pigeon-and miss him at that
Judge Grier had great spite against the
technical defense often set up in suits to re-
cover upon bonds given to secure subscriptions
for IlrNu fhap rx,hl
In one case where lawyer had set up one of
these objections, the judge, remembering an
old case in Pennsy lvania, which had sustained
like decision, exclaimed, as if to assist him:
Eyes, Mr. Richards, you will find case in
point in your favor in the 231 of the Pennsyl-
vania Reports"
Il was about said the delighted attorney,
"to refer to that case"
But" said the judge, gruffly, sit is con-
trary TO every other decision on the face of the
earth"
1t will be remembered by lawyers familiar
with the Supreme Court reports, that Judge
Clifford for good while omitted the article
"the" from the beginning of sentences where
that article was appropriate. The omission
made the sentences awkward and often OBJ
scure. Judge Grier, who was quite fatherly,
one day after Ju1ge Clifford had delivered an
opinion where these omissions had seemed
quite conspicuous, said: "Cliffy, that was a
good opinion of yours. 1t is good law and it
mostly against the little the?'
"Mr. Justice Grier," replied Judge Clifford,
with considerable dignity, ''the law of my
opinion is proper subject for criticism; the
style is my own"
When Judge Davis first held term of the
United States circuit court at indianapolis,
General Tom Brown was United States district
attorney. The general, thinking he should
show the judge some special attention, bought
two tickets for the opera, a0d going into the
judges room, invited the judge to go to the
opera with him that night.
"Oh," said the judge. ~ don't feel very
well, general, and believe I'd rather not 60"
The general turned away, good deal disap-
pointed. But the judge 'uddenly exclaimed,
as If bright thought had struck him: "By
the way, general understand there 3 going 10
be good circus in town tomorrow night. l
think if you would invite me to that I'd like
to CO."
Judge Davis used to tell some admirable sto-
ries of an old Illinois Judge, one of which we
chance particularly to remember. One of the
judges was rather remarkable for conveying to
jurors in his charges to them, his own opinions
with regard to the merits of the case. In one
case he had done SO with great plaipness, but,
to his amazement, the jury hung out for hours
without coming to an agreement. The judge
INQUIRED of the bailiff what was the matter
and learned from him that one juror was hang
ing out against the other eleven. He sent for
the jury at once and stating to the jurors that
he had plainly intimated how the case ought
to be decided, and he understood one juror was
standing out against the other eleven, he pro-
ceeded to rebuke the juror sharply. The obstiy
nate juror was a nervous little man, land as
soon as the judge was done he rose and said:
Judge, may say word?"
Yes, sir" said the indignant judge: what
have you TO say?"
"Well, what wanted to say is l am the
only feller that's on youl side"
But perhaps We have given too many anec-
dotes for the installmsnt and may have others
for another day.