The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
Canned Seamanshin.

While | sat talking with the fisher
man. whom four ounce eel had made
extremely volublc. my attention was at
tracted TO n terrible .splashing under
tree short distance down stream.
Pull it towards We, can't We? Pull,
ye imitation of a plaster Paris Condo
lier! Pull towards ye, tell yer'
And small skiif with leg Of NUT
ton sail swung out from under the tree
and bumped along the bank. Seated
amidship was II middle-aged gentleman
with plug hat set on the back of, his
perspiring head. pulling hard on the
main sheet, while lady in the stern
sheet had braced her foot against the
cOmbing, and was doing her best to
pull the tiller out of the rudder head.
"Don't we know which is toward YEP
Want TO wreck this ship on an inbos-
pitable coast, and be eaten up by a lot
of heather, half full of gin and half full
of Biblep Toward We! Pull it towards We,
before this ark is dashed to million
splintersn'
BY this timepit was hard aground, a
fact that neither the lady nor the gentle
man appeared to be aware Of.
~ can't pull 1t any further, Mr..
Spoopendyke"' moancd the lady. 1T
seems to be tied here somewhere, and
won't come"
fluff her, then! Luff her, l tell YER
roarcd Mr.. SpOopendyke, half buried in
the tapping sail and struggling to re-
tain his hat. 'Luff her, tell ven
That's all very nice" muttered Mrs
Spoopendyke, Topping down ON a seat,
but I'm heap more apt to hate her!
Say, dear, amt we doing pretty well
now?'
Mr.. Spoopcndyke fought his way into
fresh mir and glared around him.
want to sink us?' he yelled, slam
ming the !i;iic boom from side to side
in the hope of catching some wind in
the sail. ..Want to run down in six
thousand fathoms of water? Hard
down, tell ye! Put her hard DOWN.
II guess she's about as hard rs she'll
60" iluttered Mrs. Spoopendyke, look
ing over the stern and seeing that it was
high and dry. ''It's the other end that
isn't hard down, dear, and guess
you'll have TO turn it around sideways"
That's what we want to dor fairly
shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke, clasping his
arm around the mast and bringing his
head against it in a fury of desperation.
1T took you TO get the idea! Holy frog,
if only had time to fit you out with
Presidents flag and an appropriation
what a navy you'd maker and Mr..
Spoopendyke again dashed his head
against the mast. "You hit itr' he
yelled. That's the scheme! All YOU
want now is foreign flag and "a polti-
cal Custom House TO be the whole
American merchant marinc!' and Mr..
Spoopchdykc dashed aft, seized the til
Ter and jerked away at it with one hand,
whihe with the other he hauled away at
the main sheet in a vain hope that he
might get some Roadway from some di-
rectiOn.
What are you trying to do, dear?''
timidly asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, dodg-
ing the lying boom.
DO" yawped Mr.. Spoopendyke, grow
ing madden. a am trying to reconcile
this sail to the idea that travelling idiot
asy!um in white skirts and Il red shawl
isn't dangerous! What dye s'poso I'm
trying to do? Think Tn hauling my
arms out of the sockets to amuse the
children? Think I'm Hopping this sail
around to keep it from getting SUM-
burned? Well, ain'tr' he howled,
seeing that the tide was drifting his bow
around and setting him in shore broad
side on. ..And. l amt wiggling this
business to keep the moths out! I'm
Your canned seamanship! Hear mep"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke rammed around
In the boat, now kicking the tiller and
then the boom. '.See how proudly we
cut the waves?' and just then the rud-
der came out of the stern post and hung
in his hands. '.Notice how we dance
across the measly billowsp" and Mr..
Spoopendyke-plunged head foremost in
TO the canvas like a sail needle, and
sank helplessly into the bottom of the
boat.
q ''Hew nicely we are goingw echoed
Mrs. Spoopendyke, who could afford to
fatter, seeing. that she was safe in the
mud. Upon my word, it is quite like
ferry boat"
.'Morc dcsiccated marine informa-
tionr'. squealed MIR. Spoopendyke, ang-
ling for himself around in the bottom of
the boat and wondering who had nailed
q church across his back That's your
notion of sailing! Is'pose you've got
some kind of q dog house idea that this
packet goes by steam! Well, it don't,
] tell yer and his voice arose as he
found that it was 'athwart and not a
church, at goes by wind. when the
wind knows enough to blow! Hear
that? Ferry boat! Oh, ferry boatr'
At this point his voice sank. into the Bit
tcrest sarcasm. you've got it down
fine! You see through this business!
All you want is fog horn and State
Central Committee Endorsement to be a |
Secretary Of the Navy! If II had your
intelligence on maritime affairs, I'd buy |
Il cooked hat, apply for pension and
advertise myself as an admiral in search |
of n respectable job and offer the best
city references! How are we going to |
get ashore"
ave are ashore, DEAR" replied Mrs. !
Spoopendyke.
Mr. Spoopendyke dl.cked under the !
sail, which had all along prevented him
from seeing the situation, and discov-
cred for the first time that his boat was
well up on the land.
.'DCd CAST the slorer' he yelled. |
"Why didn't you tell me there had been |
land slider Why didn't you let me
know that the channel had shifted
Why" Il
"But we've been here all the timer
demonstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke.
q MIR. Spoopendyke looked at her help
lessly for moment. Then he stepped
ashore, and hauled his wife after him.
The next instant lie sent she boat into
the stream with vigorous kick, and
jamming his hands into his pockets led
the way to the railroad bridge without
a word.
II don't care, painted Mrs. SpooPen-
dyke. struggling along after him. ave
had a real pleasant s;ril. and the only
time the thing didn't go sideways was
when it was stuck in the mudr'.
That's the worst of them skiffsr
muttored the fisherman, who had
watched the sailing exploit with pro-
found interest. .They amt got any
keel nor center board, and a man may
sit al day, on q lee shore and'think he's
maxim ninety knots an ''hotix till the
wind changes, jibes his sail and shows I
himto himself half way up a trec!''-
Drookiyn Eagle. -" y q.
The City Of Mexico, is now and has
been fur some years past the worst in
fl, ,vorfd for baa ILL., ! I'Eha nanara NH