The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-11-23
WIT AND HUMoR.

The most marked difference between
q rogue and an honest man is that the
former wears the best clothes
Il hope you are better boy, Willie"
said kalamazoo Sunday school teach
er to one of her young hopefuls. .'Gosh,
l haint been sick,' was the reply.
The prcdigal son was content to live
on husks, and anybody who has slept
upon 2. country hotel bed viii realize
that he had a pretty hard clay"
Two Montana men, while sinking
mine, broke into subterranean cavern
flied with skeletons From the num-
Der of deadheads in the pit itmust have
been an old theater.
Punched coins are more frequently
passed off for beer than for the gospel.
A comparison of saloon money drawers
and church contribution boxes will
prove this.
A French chemist has discovered that
the flavor of cheese is determined by the
germs in the atmosphere. The germs
must be in a state of rapid decomposi-
ton where Limburger is manufactured
Having inferred his four wives to-
gether, disconsolate widower en-
banned their memory:
Stranger, pause and dIop tear,
For Mary Jane lies buried here;
Mingled in most surprising manner
With Susan, Maria, and portions of Han
nah.
A summer hotel keeper, who had
large st. Louis custom, found himself
at the end of the season with no end of
abandoned trunks on his hands, but he
will not lose much. He has opened the
trunks and started a brick yard.
A chap in Canada wanted to explode
two pounds of powder in the water to
kill fish, but after coming down from a
trip over the nearest trees. followed by
the splinters of his skiff, he decided that
the old fish-pole way was the safest.
She admitted to her mother that the
young man had made very strong i'm
preston on her. YES" remarked the
old lady, 81 can see where the impress
sion mashed the lace fiat as clean nap
kin. Don't let it happen again.
Spinks went home the other night af-
ficted with double vision. He sat for
some time with his sleepy gaze riveted
on Mrs. S., and then complacently re-
marked: swell, declare. # you two
gals don't look 'nough like to be twins"
A Georgia man, who has been mar
ried seven times, says he has had awful
hard luck. He'd scarcely get wife be-
fore she'd die and he'd have to go to
the expense of counting and marrying
another. The thing got to be ruinous.
'.If you are not careful somebody will
have your pocketbook," said well
dressed young man to a stranger in
New York A few minutes later he felt
for his pocketbook. 1t was gone. So
was the young man.
Wife-"Can't you take me to the va
hoo restaurant some evening, my dear?"
Husband mo, darling, it is disreputa-
blen Wife-'.Then, dear, why do you
bring home its marked napkins in your
pockets?'
An Indiana woman bought some poi
son for rats, wrote the word poison"
on it four times, hid it on the top shelf
in the pantry, and yet the hired girl
used it for baking powder within 4
week
No more touching compliment could
overheard conversation at the table
on the qualities OF n wife. AS he stoop-
ed over to kiss his mother he remarked,
Mamma, when get big I'm going to
marry a lady just 'xactly like you"
Ohio comes forward with 'feat of
strength" on the part of man who
carried barrel of pork three miles for
a wager of 800. A Broad street man
recently carried 250 bales of cotton all
day and paid nearly $3.50 for the privi-
lege.
yes" said the burlesque actress, Il
think that editor is the meanest, most
contemplate wretch in existence. He
doesn't want me to succeed" "What
has he done?" ..Doner' You know
that scandal about me in ChicagoP"
Eyes; did he print it?'' 'Print itp No;
he wouldn't; that's it,
A fashion item states that birds heads,
wings, tails and breasts of various sizes
and sorts, will be seen this Winter on
dresses as well as bonnets. Nothing is
said about another part of the bird. j. e.,
the bill. but no doubt that will continue
to be the most prominent feature OF
both dress and bonnet.
You know | am member of the
fire department" said Biggs," and if [
find your young spark in the house, it
will be my duty to put him out" ''But,
father" replied his daughter, ''if you
do, like as not l shall have new fame
within week" Biggs limbered up inn
mediately,
81 believe you are fool, john" tes-
tily exclaimed Mrs. Miggs as her hus-
band unwittingly presented her the hot
end of potatoe dish, which she
promptly dropped and broke. Yes"
he added resignedly, that's what the
clerk told me when | went to take out
my marriage license"
ooh. what fool 1 am!'' yelled Far
n4of John, as he crumpled up the coun-
try paper and threw it from him.
Last week paid up my five years
back subscription to this paper and the
result is big editorial on 'Bountiful
Crops and the Return of Prosperity"
Now. wheat will 60 down to fifty cents
a bushel."
4 colored blacksmith was shooting a
mule not long ago. when the animal
disengaged itself and drove one of its
hind feet against the negro's head with
the force of battering ram. A few
days afterward someone asked the own
er if the blacksmith sustained severe in
juries. Il can't say he did, respond
ed the man, dejectedly; "but the mule
goes on three legs"
Two West county peasants in Ireland
were the other day discussing the
amount of the fortune of their landlord,
weil-kaown Irish judge. 1.-The Judge
is main rich. Paddy, alann;h?' He is,
Mieky, true for you. He has hum
bred quarther, maybe" "Aye, and
a hundred week" was the reply.
.Murther alive! do you tell me sor