davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
COLONEL DIS STORY

On the first night of my arrival | put up
at the Occidental Hotel, then kept by Lewis
and Jerome Leland I slept Oh the top floor
During the night heard a scratching, paw
ing, and shifting at the door. Thinking it to
be the cat, | opened it to drive the animal
away. 1t was not the cat. An enormous
grizzly stood before me. The door opened,
and with q single bound he overthrow me
and was in the room. With one stroke of
his paw he demolished my spectacles, tore
out my set of false teeth, and upset my
cologne bottle 1 had three revolvers and
four bowie-knives in my valise but alas had
neglected to take any of them out before re-
firing. The monster seemed to divine the
contents of my port-manteau, for he grabbed
it with one Of his human-like claws and
threw it out of the window. Shall | tell you
how l fought him and saved my life? Will
you believe it? l fought him with my bot
tie of smelling salts Every time he made
for me l gave him sniff Of it. He would
roar terribly and temporarily back down.
Then he would rush for me again. The fight
was kept up for the remainder of the night
until my supply of smelling salts was ex-
hausted. 1 called out to Lewis Leland to
send me up some more. He replied that there
was but single pound in the city. said,
"buy it at any price, He sent out waiter,
who returned with the reply that it would
cost 81 900. there the speakers words will
be drowned by the band at, the close OF
which there will be heard slight murmur
of proud record-my part--building up the
glorious state-nia.'
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
About Nutm egS.

Nutmegs grow on trees which look like
pear trees, and are generally over twenty
feet high. The flowers are very much like
those of the lily of the valley. They are
pale yellow and very fragrant. The nutmeg
is the seed of the fruit and the mace is the
thin covering over the seed. The fruit is
about as large as a peach. When ripe it
breaks open and shows the little nut inside
The trees grow on the islands of Asia and in
tropical America. They bear fruit for
seventy or eighty years, having ripe fruit at
all seasons A fine tree in Jamaica has over
a thousand nutmegs on it yearly The
Dutch used to have all the nutmeg trade as
they owned the Banda Islands, and conquer
ed all other traders and destroyed the trees.
To keep the price up they once burned
three piles of nutmegs each of which was
as large as a church. Nature did not SYM
pathize with such meanness. The nutmeg
pigeon, found in all Indian islands, did for
the world what the Dutch had determined
should not be DONE carried these nuts, which
are her food, into all surrounding countries
trees grew, and again the world has the
benefit
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
StOneWali JacksOn's TOddy.
Philadelphia Times.

Philadelphia Times.
Having fingered to the last allowable mo-
ment with the members of my family here
before mentioned'-as the legal documents
would term them-it was after 10 o'clock al
night when l returned to headquarters fol
final instructions, and before going to the
Generals room l ordered two whisky tod
dies to be brought up after me. When they
appeared offered one Of the glasses to Jack
son, but he drew back, saying:
mo, no, Colonel, you must excuse me;
never drink intoxicating liquors"
II know that General, said |, ''but though
you habitually abstain, as l do myself, from
everything OF the sort, there are occasions
and this is one of them, when astimulant will
do us both good otherwise | would not take
it myself nor offer it to you. So you must
make an exception to your general rule and
join me in a toddy tonight"
He again shook his head, but, nevertheless
took the tumbler and began to sip its con-
tents Presently putting it on the table
after having but partly emptied it, he said
Colonel do you know why habitually alb
stain from intoxicating drinks ?" And on my
replying in the negative he continued
why, sir, because like the taste of them
and when l discovered that to be the case
made up my mind at once to do without
them altogether"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
BOB BURDETTE In THE WAR.
cerning the Deceitfulness of APP
pearanceS.

Robert J. Burdette in his latest lecture
says: Il have long ago got over the idea that
| could tell all about a man by looking at
him. | got over it during the war. l went
down there to help Gen. Grant whip the
rebels. The General had command and |
had one Mine was the horse and accOutre-
mens of a private soldier, and if Gen Grants
command had caused him one-half the
trouble that mine did me, believe he would
have resigned. wanted to resign but the
government would not let me. Well, one
day when | was trying to make my COM
mand keep up with the commands of the
other men in front of me, q cavalry officer
rode by. | never was more disgusted in all
my life. Such fop-fnical and priggish to
the last degree. Not wrinkle i'll the gilt
tering uniform that encased the slender form
White gauntlet gloves reaching nearly to the
elbow, long Spanish sword and long hair.
Long hair in that region And what was
worse, he curled it and wore it falling over
his shoulders and down his back like wo-
man. Yellow hair it was. The most glori-
Gus gold that ever sunlight shone upon l be-
lieve it now-but yellow | called it then.
was too much disguised even to ask the
name of the officer and rode along a little
plQueU UndU IHe SONeTLIueuU ull IiOU MAKE
officers of such men as me, instead Of such
fellows as the one just passed. saw him
again subsequently. We were studying geo.
graphy-trying to find out how far it was
from one place to another by going there.
When we had most got where we were going
we came to a line of marshes with a creek
running through them, and crossing the
marshes was causeway, with bridge over
the creek. Across the marshes on hill was
a party of gentlemen in gray ulsters, having
picnic. We had never been introduced to
one of them, but they shot away at us just
as sociably as if we had kept hens along
side their back yards for ten years
Mr. Burdette then gave an account of the
manoeuvers of the cavalry and the agonized
waiting while the fight went on near it.
"Till finally" he said, with a rush and a
roar the fight was upon us. Then I saw
that form again. Forward into the very hell
of battle, and, ride as hard as we would,
those yellow curls were always in advance,
leading us on. Above them saw the flash
of the sabre, cutting circles of light in the
air, and where he led we followed, for who
would not ride gayly smiling to death when
Custer led the way?'
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
How to Run.
St. Nicholas.

! Very few boys know how to run l dont
mean that most boys can't run fast-I mean
they can't run far. l don't believe there is
one boy in fifty of those who may read this
wEo can run quarter of a mile at good
smart pace without having to blow like q
pOrpOise by the time he has made his dis
tance. And how many boys are there who
can run, fast or Slow a full mile without
stopping? 1t hardly speaks well for ouI
race, does 1t, that almost any animal in crea
tion that pretends to run at all can Outrun
any of us? Take the smallest terrier dog
you can find, that is sound and not a puppy
and trya race with him. He'll beat you
badly. He'll run third faster than you
can, and ten times as far, and this with legs
not more than six inches long. And then
a good hound will sometimes follow fox for
two days and nights without stopping, 60
ing more than $50 miles, and he will do it
without eating or sleeping. Then you may
have heard how some of the runners in the
South African tribes will run for long dis
tances-hundreds of miles carrying dis
patches and making very few stops.
make Ethese comparisons to show that
our boys who cannot run mile without be-
ing badly winded are very poor runners.
But believe | can tell the boys something
that will help them to run better. | was a
pretty old boy when | first found it out, but
the first time I tried it ran mile and a
quarter at one dash, and | was not weary
nor blown. And now I'm going to give you
the secret: Breathe through your nose !!
Some animals such as the dog and the fox,
do open their mouths and pant while run
ming, but they do this to cool themselves,
and not because they cannot get air enough
through their noses. There are many rea-
sons why we ought to make our noses
furnish all the air to our lungs.
One is, the nose is filled with a
little forest Of hair which is always
kept moist, like all the inner surfaces of the
nose, and particles of dust that would other
wise rush into the lungs and make trouble,
are caught and kept out by this little hairy
network. The passages of the nose are Ion
ger, and smaller, and more crooked than that
of the mouth, so that as it passes through
them the air becomes warm. But these are
only few reasons why the nose ought not
to be switched off and left idle as so many
noses are, while their owners 90 putting
through their mouths.
All trainers Of men for racing and rowing,
and all other athletic contests, understand
this, and teach their pupils accordingly. If
the boys will try this plan they will soon
see what difference it will make in their
endurance. After you have run q few rods
holding your mouth tightly closed there
will come a time when it will seem as though
you could not get air enough through the
nose alone, but don't give up. Keep right
on, and in 4 few moments you will over
come this.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
Killing AlligatGrs.

4 Detroiter who has just returned from
Florida, after an absence Of several months
was asked the other day if he had any fun
with the alligators down there.
''Yes, sir, dead loads of fun" he replied.
Kill many p .t3 r. .tH
We'll should say SO y ,.,,........ ... .-
How many did you ever kill i'll one day ?
Three hundred"
NO! you don't mean three hundred alli-
gators in one day? -t-..... -..
"Yes, do"
'You must have struck a rich spot. Three
hundred in one day Whew! What time
did you begin?" 5E
"Oh, about 10 o'clock in the morning"
'And how long did it take you?"
about an hour"
There was a pause during which astonish-
ment, incredulity and worse were visible on
the faces of the crowd. Finally one man
stepped forward and said:
Z Did you use artillery?"
NO, sir" ... ....s.t-.r.. - -
"a saw mill ~
mo, sir"
Dynamite
mo, sir"
Maybe you'll tell us how you did it -
eyes sir, l talked 'em to death. Please call
at my office for pamphlets of Florida-its re-
sources, fruits, cereals, alligatOrs, people and
hotel charges. Tra-la,' ..-
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
Kate Field on Shop Manners.

When l called to see Kate Field at the Co
operative Dress Association, of which she i
President, she was drinking cup of tea il
her private apartment. She was dressed ii
garnet plush, and a dolman lined with plusl
of many colOrs was carelessly thrown on {
sofa at one side of the little room. The sur
rOundings were most esthetic. Various ia
panese decorations adorned the walls and tht
inclosure itself, which is composed of screen,
cutting it off from the large parlor looks like
a sort Of japanese box.
Your recent article on shop manners il
Our Continent has stirred up a hornets nes
in some quarters" said l.
'Well, yes. If people choose to fit the shoe
On / can't help it. There has been great
hue and cry raised in some of the Philadel-
phia papers about what I said"
do you still adhere to the position you
took ~
"Why, certainly [ did not say that all
girls in stores were vulgar and ill-mannered
But as a fact many of them are. Those who
are not-well what | said does not apply to
! Them
! "You cited remarkable case of rudeness
on the part of a girl towards yourself. Was
that an actual experience, OF an imaginary
sketch p
"It was a faithful description of what
actually went through. Since writing the
article scores of women have told me that
they have had experiences of similar char.
acter, which is proof that my point was well
taken"
Some have not hesitated to say that they
! discredited the story"
"Oh, yes. spoke of having given the
the girla three-dollar bill, and they say that
it is all bumkum because there are no three
dollar bills in circulation now. But there
are a few nevertheless. One is now and
then seen that has been slowed away in some
stocking | remember that it was bill Of
that denomination because | was to get back
two dollars and one cent in change
"Are you going to write an article about
the ill-mannered customers 2"
Some time" replied Miss Field setting
down her tea cup "As matter of fact
customers are to blame for the lack Of cour-
tesy in the women clerks. By being rude
and inconsiderate themselves they set fash
ion of rudeness. That is, some people do
this. Others encourage vulgarity by sub
mitting to insult, and it will last as long as
it is not resented"
Il have understood that you do not ap-
prove of our educational system. Is it so?
"Yes"
"Why don't you?"
Because it diverts boys and girls from the
trades. You can't get good dressmaker,
and you cry in vain for a good cook. DEM
ocratic ideas are good enough, but you want
good cook s ..
what changes would you have made"
There should be technical schools, where
dressmaking and cooking should be taught"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
No. 18.
THE DAYS OF 40
Stories Alleged to have been Told at
Recent Reunion of Pioneers.
PIONEER C.'S STORY

PIONEER C.'S STORY.
Il went to the mines early in Is. | pur-
chased in San Francisco a washing machine
weighing sixty pounds, which l packed on
my back over the hot and arid plain lying
between Stockton and the Mokelumne
River. When l got there | dug my first hole
and planted my washing machine by it. 1t
wouldn't work. Pretty soon the oldest man
in the mines, came along and says he.
Stranger, how much dye charge for wash
ing shirts?' | told him | was not there to
wash shirts, but to wash out gold. lie
busted into guffaw, which was heard as far
as Murphy's camp. Why says he, that is
contrivance for washing clothes you've got
there. They've taken ye in and done for ye
1t was true. | had been cruelty imposed
upon. But | made a small fortune out of
that washing-machine l gave up gold
mining, turned washerwoman for the whole
camp at Cut-throat Bar, and in six months
made $4,000 by washing shirts at S. apiece.
Gentlemen, the services | performed in
building and making history for the great
State of California are among the proudest
reflections in my life"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
A New use for Opera Glasses.
boston Herald.

Boston Herald.
Close upon the heels of the discovery OF a
compound by which burglars can in an in
stant render an officer insensible, and the
discovery in Germany of a machine for ex-
torting money from a prisoner there comes
a Philadelphia invention intended to aid
needy detectives in the discharge of their
duty One of the Philadelphia firms of op-
ticans has just made an opera glass which
can in moments notice be used to take a
picture 1t is suggested that such glass
may be used to great advantage in order to
obtain, unobserved, instantaneous pictures OF
professional thieves in their dens. The ar
rangement of the opera glass is very simple
and ingenious. The object glasses are NOV
able, and can in moment be exchanged for
a dry plate Photographic camera, q number
of which are kept in the sachel completing
the outfit. The glasses at the opposite end
can be covered so as to exclude the light by
touching spring. The place of the dark
room is taken temporarily by a black bag.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
Helena, Montana, Thursday, March %, 1882.
The Spinister's Progress.

Anugly bachelor reporter has ex amined the
thermometer of the old maids life, tracing
her progress from the age of Is to so with
this result:
10. Anxious for coming out and the atten-
tion of the other sex.
16 Begins to have some idea of the ten
der passion.
Il Talks of love in cottage and disin-
terested affection.
I IL. Fances herself in love with some
handsome man who has fattered her
19. Is a little more diffident on account OF
being noticed
20. Commences being fashionable.
Il. Still more confident in her OwH at
fractions, and expects brilliant establish
ment.
%. Refuses a good offer because he is not
man of fashion
%. Flirts with every young man she
meets
/ "A. Wonders she is not married
| 25. Rather more circumspect in her con-
duct.
26. Begins to think large fortune not
quite so Indispensable
! 81. Prefers the company of rational men
to flirting
%. Wishes to be married in quiet way,
with comfortable income.
%. Almost despairs of entering the mar
riage state.
80 Rather fearful of being called an old
maid ..... ....
| 81. An additional love of dress.
81 Processes to dislike balls; finds it diff
cult to get good partners.
80. Wonders how men can leave the
society of sensible women to tlirt with a fool
ish girl.
"a. Affects good humor in her converse
ton with men. et.
35. Jealous of the praise of women.
&C. Quarrels with her friend who is lately
married.
81. Thinks herself sighted in society.
3S. Likes to talk of her acquintances who
are married unfortunately. .,...
80. III nature increases.
40. Very meddling and otficious.
Al. If rich, as q dernier resort makes love
to young man without fortune. ....l...
AZ. Not succeeding, rails against mankind.
43. Partially for cards and scandal COM
mences. "" .-.. t.'.
A. Severe against the manners of the age.
45. Strong prediction for clergyman.
49, Enraged at his desertion.
A. Becomes despondent and takes to tea
49, Turns all sensibility to cats and dogs.
40. Adopts dependent relation to attend
her feline and canine nursery.
80 Becomes disgusted with the world
and vents all her i'll humor ON her unfortun-
ate relations. -. .. ..-
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
JUDGE BIS STORY.

When l arrived in San Francisco there
was any amount of hanging going on by the
vigilance committee. There was great
scarcity of rope for halters. | happened to
have with me bale of choice hemp. Law
business was just then very dull. Il had
opened law office and hung out my shin
gle.) My expenses were $50 per day. An in
spiration seized me. l occupied my spare
time (Which was all my time) in making
halters and selling them to the vigilance COM
mittees at $100 each. Some days l made
$500 A single boiled potatoes then cost 81.
This was the commencement Of my fortune
regard with shame the humble part had
in building up the State of California
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
THE BABY MYSTERIES.

Where did You come from, baby dear"
out Of the everywhere into the here.
Where did you get your eyes so blue"
cut Of the sky as | came through.
What makes the light in them sparkle and spin
Some of the starry spikes left in.
Where did YOU get that little tear?
| found it waiting when got here.
What makes your forehead SO smooth and high?
\ soft hand stroked it as went by.
What makes your cheek like warm white rose
Something better than any one knows.
Whence the threc-cornered smiles of bliss?
Three angels at once gave me kiss.
Where did you get that pearly ear?
God spoke, and it came out to hear
Where did you get those arms and hands"
Love made itself into crooks and bands.
Feet whence did you come, you darling things?
From the same box as the cherubs wings.
How did they all Just come to be you?
sod thought about me, and so grew.
But how did you come to us, you dear?
God thought of you, and so am here.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
The Boy and the Rattan.

Is this boy hero! Let us see. He lies
across the masters knee and whimpers not
Every second the cruel rattan rises and falls
every second there is dull sound as if
somebody were threshing mud. The dust
flies, but the victim utters no sound The
perspiration stands out ON the masters brow
and he begins to wonder if that boys base
ment is constructed of sheet iron. Nothing
of the sort; it is wild, foolish conjecture.
The lads life has been passed in the full
blaze of Nineteenth Century civiliza-
ton. He is no fool. He knows that nobody
knows what day may bring forth. He
doesn't venture across the dark gulf between
Now and the Maybe unproyided against
contingencies. The lantern that guides his
footsteps is helight of experience. - There is
great future reserved for this boy. The
rattan goes up and the rattan comes down ;
who cares for rattans ? When he left home
in the morning he took his fathers last re-
manning liver pad with him. It's the right
liver pad in the wrong place Yes, this boy
is hero.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
THE BROOK.

Little brook Little brook
You have such a happy look
Such very merry manner, as you swerve and crook
And your ripples, one and one,
Reach each others hand and run
Like laughing little children in the SUM-
Little brook, sing to me;
Sing about bumblebee ...
That tumbed from lilly bell and grumbled mum
blingly,
Because he wet the film
OF his wing and had TO swim.
While the water bugs raced round and laugh
ed at him.
Little brook-sing song
OF leaf that sailed along .....
Down the golden braided center of your current
swift and strong,
And dragoon fly that lit
On the fitting rim of it, .. ....
And rode away and wasn't scared a bit.
And sing-how oft in glee
Came truant boy like me,
Who loved to lean and listen to your sweet melody
Till the gurgle and refrain
OF your music i'll his brain ..
Wrought happiness as keen to him as pam
Little brook-laugh and leap
Do not let the dreamer weep;
Sing him all the songs of Summer till he sinks in
softest sleep;
And then sing soft and low
Through his dreams of long ago
Sing back to him the rest he used to know!
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23
Saw the Pyramids.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press. 5f.s i9
$50 you've been to Europe, have you % he
asked, as he wriggled his chair around so as
ia get his feet ON top of the stove.
"Yes, sir"
did you 60 to Egypt?' "
"Oh, yes"
'See the pyramids -
"Yes"
did they look natural p
"Yes pretty natural"
ANY saloons anywhere near?'
NO"
What did you do for drink
"Oh, carried along a flask"
did, Ell? Well, that was cOrrect-perfect-
ly correct. Anything in the flask"
Eyes, sir"
Whisky? p
mo, sir, brandy"
"Ah! That's what l was trying to get at
l didn't know but you had it filled with cold
tea, and thus disgraced the whole nation at
the foot of the grandest wonders the world
ever saw. Stranger, I'm no pyramid, and
there's nothing 1000 years old about me, but
if you have any of that brandy left, I'll
guarantee to imbibe about two inches of it
in manner to make old Egypt hide her
head in envy"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-03-23

Fortune does not materially change men
it only unmasks them and shows their true
character
1t is easy to pick out flaws in othe perple's
work, but far more profitable to do better
work yourself
Harsh words has many time alienated a
child's feelings and crushed out all love of
home. M taiotlh 1922
Gratitude is the fairest blossom that springs
from the soul, and the heart Of man know
eth none more fragrant. VIZ 81.
Tears are to be looked at not as proof OF
very deep sorrow, but az 4 gracious relief to
the killing intensity of such grief. sai
The arms of wit ought always to be feath-
cred with smiles. When they fail in that
they become sarcasm, and are like two-edged
swords. 3pstldftf4 ~ faifa as sai.t4
Sober sense, self possession, and intelligent
self control are the safeguards of head and
heart, and make beautiful temple for the
soul.