The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-04-07
ROW TO DO 1T.
THE WAY EDITORS SHOULD APPLY FOR
PASSES.

THE WAY EDITORS SHOULD APPLY FOR
PASSES.
Bill Nye OF the Laramie Boomerang sug-
gests to editors the following form of letter
in applying for railway passes. The phrase
ology is original with Nye but mauy a Gen.
eral Passenger Agent viii testify that the
noble and Independent ideas are as old as
the hills:
OFFICE OF FREEDOMS BUsLE Horn,
WAHOO, NEB., Feb. p, 1882.
To Hon. j. O. CAL General Passenger and
Ticket agent j. l. ". c. r. O. " Rv., Chi
cGgO, H.
DEARSIR u Unfortunately you have never
experienced the glad thrill and holy joy Of
my acquaintance.
You have gr5ped through the long and
dTeary heretofore without that solemn glad
ness that You might have enjoyed had PrOvi-
deuce thrown you In the golden sunlight Of
nv smile.
1 have addressed YOU at this moment for
the purpose OF asceUtdining your meEtal con
vlctiunS relative 10 obtaining pass over your
vOIuutuOus line. The Bu0ls Horn being
only "a semi-auuual, you viii probably have
some little reservation about issuing an an
nual on the strength of it.
This, however, Is a fatal error on YOUR
part.
1t is true that this literary blood searcher
and kidney pOlisheT, If / may be allowed
that cnaSte and eccentric expression, does
not occur very often, uut when 10 does -hOOt
athwart tie journalistic horizon. error aud
cock eyed ignorance begin TO seek tail grass.
You viii readily see how it Is in my power
to throw your road into the hands of Te-
celNeT IN lew days II viii occur 10 YOU
instantly that, with the enormous power ia
my hands, something should oe done at once
20 muZZle and suBSididiZe me. The BUgls
Horn stands upon the pinnacle Of pure aud
uniarnlSneu independence Her clarion
notes are ever heard above the din OF war
and IN favor Of the poor, the down-trodden
and the oppressed. Still IL is my solemn duty
to foster and encourage few poor and de-
serving mOnOpOies.
! have already taken your road and so 70
speak, placed It upon its feet. Time and
again l have shut my ewes 10 unpleasant
facts relative TO your line, because / did not
wish To crush a young and growing industry
/ can point to many instances where hot
boxes and other outTJges upon the travelling
public have been ignored by me and allowed
10 pass by.
Last fan YOU had a wash-out at Jfmtgyyu.
which was or imiuaHy iueXcusabIe In its
character, but L passed silently over the oc-
cuUence in order that you might redeem
yourself. One of your conductors, an over
grown baldheaded pelican from Laramie a
man OF no literary ability ana who could not
write a poem to save his measlv, polluted
soul from perGitiuu, once started the train
out Of NahOO when / was within One-fuurta
of mile OF the depot and left me gazing
pound hand trunk TO cary back home with
me.
What did / do? Did 90 to the telegraph
+ Office and wire you 10 stop the train and kali
the conductor with a coal pick9 Did I cut
short his Improbable life and ruin the road
with my cruel pen
No, sir.
flushed up the matter 1 kept it out Of
tile papers as far as possible IN order that
your souiiess corporation might have a new
lease OF life.
Another time when my pass and pocket
money had expired at about the same mo-
mguJ aud / undertook 90 travel upon my
yolupruUus shape. red headed conductor
whose soul bad never wB'Ked upon the sun
lit hills of potent genius, caught me by the
bosom of the pants and turCi5ly elected me
from the train while ID was IN motion and
with such viEoT and enthusiasm that I rolled
down an embanhment 100 feet with frIgLtful
Tapidity and loss of life.
A large bottle Of tGuZy and sweet spirit
hear my prayer, which 1 had concealed
about my person to keep of malaria and
Tattes-nakes, was iIigltfully crushed and
. segregated. Besides all this my feelings
were hurt and outraged, and 50 was the pOr-
ON. - - have burned down water
tank, o. busted OF crossing ,,.-..
gied corpse of the general passenger agent.
. but did not. l bound up my bleeding
. LeaTt. and walked home beneath the cold
uu1IiuEiug staTs and 1Drgave tie cruel
wrong
now ask YOU whether in view Of all this
You VIII or Will not stand in the pathway of
your cUmpauy'S success Viii Won rsfuss
me a pass and call down upon yourself tbe
avalanche OF my burning wrath, on viii Won
grant me au annual and open such All era of
prosperity foI the j. I. VI. G. r. o. ". Rail-
way as 10 never Before kueW2
DO you want the aid and euc0ura cement
OF the BHQle Horn and success. or DO you
want its opposition and pauper's grave be-
meath the Oiue-eyeo johnny jump-ups OF the
ygHey2
Osteusibiy I am independent ana fearless.
out % you look around for "a journal to sub
sidize- do not forget the number of rlv post
Office box, I have made and uumade sever
al railroads already, and b. makes me slud-
der TO thinkof the horrible fate which awaits
you If You hold your nose too high and stiff
en- your official neck
Should you enclose the pass I would be
very grateful 20 YOU fuT any little surues-
ti1ns during the year as to what nv fearless
and outspOken opinion should be relative to
Euur company.
Hoping 10 hear from you favOTably i'm the
contiguous ultimately, ] beg leave to wish
you very pleasant bon yiyaut.
Very sincerely yours
EPHEAIM BATES.
Aoulder of Public Sentiment.