The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-11-10
WHY WE LAUGH.
"Too full for utterance"-dead drunk
Waterloo Observer.

"Too full for utterance"-dsad drunk
Waterloo Observer.
The Ohio man has been succeeded by the
man whom 50 many persons 60 out to
see.
Summerbreeze says marriage Is . means
Of grace, because 1t led him TO repentance
The Judge.
To keep apples from decaying, put them
In cool place where there Is large family
Of children.
Many statesmen look upon q morning
cocktail as . constitutional amendment.--
Ne,c Orleans Picdyune.
Secretary Chandler, after reading about
Ohio: ~ know now what Is meant by the
ship Of State It's schooner"
De weakness OBJ man Is his strength. De
appetite for whiskey Is . weakness, but 1t Is
powerful strong-Arkansap Irdceler.
1t Is whispered in our ear by one who Is
not partial to card playing that 1t takes two
packs to play game pack Of cards and .
pack of fools.
The baking powder war;" is the heading of
an advertisement in some of our exchanges.
Another Yeastern difficulty 1t Is presumed
Noriistopn Herald.
"Hold the forte for am coming!" said the
muscular man, as his pals staggered on the
stairway under the weight of the piano.
Boston Com. Bulletin
It Is plain to be seen that good many of
the ward politicians who attend primary
meetings have never attended q primary
school.-Boston Courier.
A Philadelphia bride found seventeen
full sets Of dishes among her wedding pres
ents. Her far seeing friends evidently knew
she was going to keep girl.-Phtladelphi
Nens.
A Cambridge, Mass, man arrived in .
frontier village recently, just as q gang Of
COW boys had "taken the town." His first
exclamation was: "Have you folks college
here already?"
A book agent says he sells more family
Bibles in October than during all the other
months In the year. Fall leaves are gather
ed and pressed in October, we believe.-Nor.
risto,rn Herald.
We notice one thing-It takes . very
rich man to appreciate the blessings ofpover-
ty. Solomon was worth $75, 900 when he
said: "a good name is to be chosen rather
than great riches"
A sad-eyed man the other night fell out Of
his bed into the aisle of Pullman car and
skinned his knee. He now claims that he
was lame from his berth. When he passe>
Carbon he will be hung by request.-Boom-
erdng.
Bumbleton had severe strain on his con-
science the other day. He aims to be the
most honest Of critics, and on being asked by
the father Of an animated foghorn how he
liked his daughters voice, he replied: "She
sings like Patti. (under his breath J. gonian." |"
Musical Herald.
Sir Fletcher Norton, whose want of cour-
tesy was notorious, happened, while plead
ing before Lord Mansfield on some question
Of manorial right, to say: ''My lord, can
illustrate the point In my own person.
myself have two little manors." ave all
know 1t, Sir Fletcher" the Judge interposed
with one of his blandest smiles.
A man Is going about the streets Of Lara
mie claiming to be John the Baptist. He
has light hair and chin whiskers, Is stout
built, and looks like farmer. We desire
(says Bill Nye) to warn those who may be
inclined to trust him that he Is not what he
purpoIts to be. We have taken great pains
TO look the matter up and find rs result
that John the Baptist is dead,
A London paper describes an American
girl in that city who "wears . gown with .
flight of swallows, beginning on her left
shoulder and ending at her right foot, and
swallows also fly about her rarasol." The
American youth in London Is also addicted
to "swallows," but they don't begin on his
left shoulder. They begin under his nose
and run down his throat.-Norristotcn
A reporter of the Chicago Herald handed
a barber the following before operations be.
gan: 81 want q close shave. am In Z
hurry. Do not put any oil or grease upon
my hair. never use bay ruin or cosmetics
Please comb my hair up and back. do not
wish my hair trimmed or cut. do not want
| any hair tonic or skin medicine. do not
want any shampoo or bath. have moi
not heard the latest news from Egypt nor Dc
l want to. care nothing for politics, OF
crime, or society. do not care for stock OF
market reports. / am net Q stranger In the
city, and / am not going to the ball this even
ing. l am professor in . deaf aud dumt
institute and am glad Of it. Go ahead and
shave me-"
Longingly the !anguid liars
| Look toward the time when fires
| In the barroom stoves shall glow;
Eagerly they wish for weather
| That shall draw them all together,
| So their yarns can have show.
| ---Ne,o York Commercial