The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1882-03-30
The Clock Disease.

The CI0ck Disease.
1t is natural that man should take +
warm interest in his watch; that he
should palliate or deny its faults, and
ascribe to it an accuracy which it rarely
possesses. This regard for ones own
watch is essentially the same passion as
love for ones country. A man is pa
triot not because his native land is bet
ter than any other land, but because it
is his native land. He loves his watch
not because it is necessarily a good
watch, but because it is his personal
property. Which passion is the strong
er-love of country or love of watch
only bold man would venture to de-
eide.
The habit of wearing a watch has its
disadvantages, though they are of no
great consequence. If a man has
really good watch he is apt to exhibit
his pride in a rather oppressive way,
and to become unpleasantly self right
eous. He invariably convinces himself
that the accuracy of his watch is some
thing that is greatly to his credit, and
that it renders him morally better than
other men. BY some curious process
he comes to consider the accuracy OF
his watch as one of his own moral quail
tiles, ranking at least as high as honesty
or veracity Thus he never replies,
when asked what is the time, my
watch says that it is 9 O'Clock, - or what
ever the hour may be, but his invariable
answer is, ST am 9 O'clock" There
can be no doubt that the watch-owner
really looks upon his watch as one of
his bodily organs, and he resents any
| imputation that may be made upon it as
testify rs he would resent the suggestion
that his lungs are diseased or that his
liver is out Of order.
These results of Woodworking are
trivial in comparison with the painful
and sometimes terrible results that fol-
low too great familiarity with clocks.
The existence Of well-de6ned disease,
named by its discover, DR.. Charles T.
Mendax, nsorbus h0r0l0geus, has recent
" been demonstrated, and its origin
and nature thoroughly defined. It seems
strange that the watch should be
comparatively harmless in its effects,
while a clock, which is machine OF es-
| sentially the same nature, should pro-
duce a painful and dangerous disease,
but we are compelled to yield to the
force of DR.. Mendax's reasoning, and
| to admit the deleterious influence OF
clocks 3 - 7f
| The first symptom of the clock dis
ease is q desire on the part of the pa
tient to provide himself with an unnec-
essary quantity Of clocks. O. It will not
do to say that the disease originates in
an excess of clocks, for the first symp-
tom manifests itself prior to the buying
by the patient of his second clock, and
his subsequent prodigality in clocks is
purely symptomatic. Usually he buys
three or four clocks within the first six
months of his attack, and within year
he provides every room in his house
with its especial clock. Thus far the
one symptom which has manifested
itself is regarded by all who know tho
afflicted man as harmless, or, at worst,
merely as piece of childish extrava-
gance. When, however, he has bought
all the clocks that his house will readily
hold, the virulenee of the disease rapid
ly increases. $40 isai .s1aws az
The unfortunate man soon begins to
try to make all his clocks keep exact
time. OF course, this is impossible, but
in his diseased state he does not recog-
nize the impossibility. He fancies that
and puts the hands of the spare-room
| ClOCh 1Ok WsbIu, duN SuOA OCAo uiAO POAOo-
lum of the dining-room clock, he can
secure unanimity among them. His
constant failures do not discourage him,
but only induce him to give more time
and attention to his clocks. He is con-
stantly sending this or that clock to the
watchmaker's to be cleaned, and he
spends hours in wandering from room
to room testing his clocks, and trying to
regulate them. In this vain pursuit he
neglects his business and deprives him
self of sleep. His temper next begins
to suffer. He becomes irritable and will
tolerate on the part of his family OF
friends no illusions to the bad qualities
of any of his clocks. No matter in what
he may be engaged, the striking of q
clock will Instantly cause him to jump
up and run to regulate delinquent
time-piece. The day comes when either
the miserable man sinks into profound
melancholy and takes to his bed, never
again to leave it, or his friends are com.
PEELED to remove him as a hopeless lunr
attic to an insane asylum. ''fs foT b.
Such is the clock disease. It is in
duced. according to DIR. Mendax, by the
regular and monotenous ticking of the
ordinary clock. This sound exercises q
peculiar and injurious influence upon
the nerves, and through the nerves upon
the brain. Thus while the clock disease
often produces hopeless insanity, it Is
not primarily brain disease, but be.
longs to that great family of nervous
diseases which are the curse of ouI
! country and the despair of doctors. The
remedy is, of course, the complete iso-
lation of the patient from clocks, and q
course of medical treatment adapted to