Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-03-03
F. U N
The New Primer.

Here we have Greenbacker. He seems
troubled about something. He is Troub-
led about the National Debt. He is eriev-
ing because the Country of his Nativity
owes a Billion Dollars. The other man
around the corner is Grocery Man. He
tao. is Troubled, but he is not Worrying
about the National Debt. Oh, no. He is
Worrying about the Dollar and Forty
cents the Greenbacker, owes Him.
Miss Hortense is working Beautiful
Piece of Embroidery. 1t is a motto in
Green and Gold. It asks What is Home
without Mother When Miss Hortense
gets it Done she will give it to her Beau,
who tends a Dry goods counter. You can
not see Miss Hortense's Mother. She is in
the Back Yard. doing the Weeks Wash
ing. By and by she will be Bringing in
the Coal for the Parlor Stove, because
Hortense's Beau is coming tonight.
III.
The Young Man is Reading Letter.
and seems Deeply Agitated. May be it is
Letter from his Sweetheart, and she has
given him the Grand Bounce. How his
Breast Heaves. and how his Heart mus.
Throb under his Celluloid Shirt Front.
The Letter is from his Tailor. Let US
not invade the Secrecy of the poor Young
Mans Grief.
II say p said the reporter, II don't
know whether this is right "Dont
know whether what is right p demanded
the CITY editor. ''This wedding. l went
there tonight and they gave me a heap of
rot about their frocks, but 1 don't kno"
whether it comes out straight or not. Now
here is Mrs. -, I've got her in panner
silk, trimmed q Ia gros grain, with black
point lace underskirt and box plated hair
Does that sound natural 20 Who SEN
you to wedding 20 asked the city editor
contemptuously. sDon't you know that
gros grain is color? That was gros
grain, box-plaited dress, trimmed q Ia black
point lace, and her hair Was combed en-
pannier. You ought to know better than
to get things mixed that way. Who else
did you get? How was the bride dress
ed ?'' five got her all right" replied the
West End reporter. ''She wore white
boufant with Princess of Thule veil; the
underskirt cut decolIette around the bot
tom, and trimmed with basque at the
sides.' ssThat's better" said the city edi-
tor encouragingly. 'That sounds some
thing like. How was her hair p -''Her
hair was shirred.'' replied the West End
reporter ''Shirred at the sides and cor
saged on top" II don't believe that's
right observed tie city editor. "Read
that again. cit was corsaged at the
sides and SHRED on top" said the West
End reporter, referring to his notes. 'Of
course smiled the city editor. st makes
all the difference in the world. Y GU never
saw woman with her hair corsaged o.
top in your life. ''-LouisviLte- Courier Jour-
nal.
A JACKAss THAT WOULDN'T SCARE
"A vagrant ass stood beside the track OF
the Sunset railway at the depot a few
mornings ago; an engine moved slowly up
it stopped within few feet of the ass; the
engineer blew one of those terrible screams.
prolonging and ear-piercing- such blast
as makes sleeping Millerite dream of the
day of Judgment. Did he shake the sloth
from his limbs, erect his tail and speed
: away like the asses of Bassorah, faster
than the Bedouin coursers run back to the
chapparel? No, he didn't. He turned
one ear to the engine, just as a deaf man
uses his tin ear-trumpet, and caught ev-
ery particle of the sound. and when the
steam-blown whistle ceased its notes, and
all the echoes died away; the animal
Strengthened out his NECK. opened his
mouth, and, in voice that deafened all
the railroad men and caused the freight
clerk to drop his pen, he roared: II can't
I can't! 1 can't! [ can't be beat! be beat!
be beat! be beat! 1 can't be be-be-beat!"
Teas SJtings.
See the critic. He is tired. He has
closed his eyes. His chin has touched hi
breast. He murmurs through his nose
He will say that the violins are fiat, and
the conductor was out of tune tomorrow.
This is violinist. He has long hair. Why
dos he squirm SO? Is he sick? Oh. no!
His hearers are sick. This is a prima don
ma. She is in a dress made by Worth
This is about all the worth she has; she
cannot sing. but she kisses in 6 minor
She is performing a hymn; some notes are
SO soft that you cannot near them. These
are her best notes. This is a pianist
Why does he look SO queer? He is in love
With whom? With himself. He will
never have any rivals. This is an advance
agent. He is speaking with an editor
H is telling him that now, at last. be will
hear some music. The editor smiles, and
seems very happy. What good man The
advance agent must beI-The Score Musi-
cdlP,apaer.
A famous scientist says there is often
marked personal resemblance between
husband and wife after they have been
married awhile. We have noticed that
fact Some time ago a gallant Philadtl
pi,a man, whose eyes were blue, married
a Jealous black eyed woman, and in less
than year he had black eyees himself.
A member of fashionable congregation
celed at a music store and inquired |
"Have you the pOtes of a piece called the
|s>ong Of Solomon ?'' adding, ''Our pastor |
referred to it yesterday as an exquisite |
|gem, and my wife would like to learn to |
|,Iau il -