davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
The Bug ExtermlnatOr.
Texas Siftings.

In the spring Of last year smooth -tongued,
glib-mouthed young man, who had gone
through the lightning-rod course and gradu-
ated in the book agency business, passed
through Washington and the adjoining coun-
ties, introducing what he called the bug ex-
terminator." He was very fair and reason
able and as he was only taking orders for
his invention he merely required one third
$50 cents cash and the rest he would collect
in the fall when he passed through. In case
the exterminator failed to kill every bug
upon which it was used, according to accom-
panying directions he would refund the
money. Nothing could be fairer than that,
SO he was well received everywhere, and
went away with about $500 in his pocket
leaving his address with every purchaser in
case he should neglect to send the extermi-
nator. Well, in due course of mail, every
farmer received a neat looking little package
labeled "Bug Exterminator-certain death
due $1-none genuine without signature,
ETC." Upon opening it the farmer discovered
two nice, smooth little square blocks con-
tanning the following direction on No. 1
place the bug on this block y and on No. 3:
Strike the bug violently with this block"
The farmers were ready for him when the
time came for him to return, but it need not
be said that the time came on alone.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
Dry Quarters for Swine.
National Live Stock journal.


Perhaps there is nothing more certainly
damaging to litter of pigs, or, for that mat
ter, to swine of any age, than to have access
to, and habitually lie upon manure pile.
Men who build basement stables, giving the
story above the basement such width as will
afford a shed upon one or both sides, per-
mitting manure to accumulate beneath these
thus inviting swine to seek nesting place
in these accumulations, might as well erect a
dead fall, with capacity enough to crush the
swine stock kept in barn-yard provided
with such a hot-bed nesting place. We have
known of dire calamity overtaking swine
that made their nest in manure beneath the
she'd In one case, high-bred swine to the
value of $4,000 or over, were swept away by
what the owner preferred to call hog cholera
but which was nothing less than congestion
of the lungs, followed by low form of in
flammation. An harrassing cough followed
each animal up until it died; few, perhaps
one in twenty, fingered through the summeE,
gaunt, wasted and coughing. Several littezs
of very valuable pigs were lost with this lot,
the young pigs succumbing rapidly as mat
ter of course
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
A Message from the Dead.
London News.

LOnOOn news.
A Plymouth correspondent says strange
incident is reported in that town. On Tues
day evening young man residing at Daven-
port called upon the editor of local paper
and begged to be informed if any telegram
had been received giving the names of En-
glishmen killed during the day in Alexan-
dria. He was informed that no such message
had been received. He mentioned that dur
ing the afternoon the mother and wife of a
petty officer named Remington, serving in
Alexandria, had what they regarded as "a
token of his DEATH" They were sitting to-
gether in their house when they heard or
thought they heard, the voice of the absent
son and husband say, 'Motherw three times.
With forebodings upon them, the brother
was dispatched to the nearest newspaper Of
fee, with the result indicated. On Wednes-
day the relatives of Mr.. Remington received
telegram to the Admiralty to the effect
that he was shot in the streets of Alexandria
on Tuesday while serving on police duty.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
Protestant Missions in China.

The oldest of the Protestant missions in
China dates from the year 1912. Then only
six converts could be found in all China To-
day there are 90 missionery societies at work
at 81 central stations and 511 outstations,
$50 ordained missionaries and 73 ordained
native clergy, 63 unmarried women teachers,
511 licensed preachers, II colporteurs, 90
"Bible women" 400 churches, $4,000 enrolled
communicates, about $4,000 adherents, 90
600 theological schools, with 231 students,
30 higher boarding schools for boys, with
Gil scholars, 80 for girls, with III scholars,
III day schools for boys, 4,5OO students, 80
for girls, with 300 students, 16 missionary
hospitals, and ~ dispensaries At the Mild
may Conference, in London, DR. Legge stated
that at the present rate Of progress in forty
years more, Protestant missions ought to re-
port 26,OOO,O00 communicates and 100000
900 adherents in the middle kingdom. The
(American) Presbyterian Publishing House
at Shanghai in 1880 printed $4,000 Bibles
and Testaments, 4,672, 500 pages of tracts,
and 226, 1853 volumes of miscellaneous books.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
The Funny Things We Do.

Have YOU ever reflected upon the very
many funny things we do, for which we can
give no particular reason? How is it that
we do not give five cheers, four cheers, two
cheers, one cheer? Why is it that we give
three cheers and no more?
Why is it that the majority of people use
the right hand instead of the left, and can
not help smiling at those who use the latter
Why is it that man cannot see bundle
of toothpicks without helping himself to
one when he does not need it?
Why is it that when one asks us the num-
ber of days there are in certain month, we
always say to ourselves, Thirty days hath
September, April June and November" ?"
Why is it that we turn to the right in
stead of to the left, when the left is far pre-
ferable, and if adopted would save many an
accident on railroads and highways? The
driver always sits upon the right of his
vehicle; in turning to the right he is furthest
away from the wagon he passes, and unless
he is an expert cannot tell how close he
comes to the wheels of the man who goes by
him; whereas, if he turned to the left side
he could look straight down, see to the frac-
tion of an inch now close he was approach
ing an obstacle and thus avoid it, The En-
gineer runs upon the right hand track, and
sits upon the right hand side of his cab. The
long narrow locomotive, with its sandtowel
beltry and smoke stock, is in front of him
cutting off his observation. He can see
only his own track, while the opposite, save
at a distance, is almost wholly unseen by
him. On some roads the reverse is the GUS
tom.
Custom, owing to causes we know not of
has established these curious precedents, and
from observation and education we unwit-
tingly do thousands of things that are, to
say the least, funny, and that we cannot ex.
Dlain
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
Murat Halsted's Advice.

To the inquiry: (Which is the most cor
rect way to ask young lady to take your
arm, and which arm are you to Offer?" Murat
Halsted replies as follows:
Well, ask her to take your arm do not
grab her by the elbow You might gently
and softly inquire, "Will you take my arm?"
1t is rather solemn to say, please take my
arm"-unless you are afraid she is about to
get hurt, and you are substantially asking
her to save herself In that way you may,
without impertinence show tender solici-
tude. AS to which arm to offer. other things
being equal the one next your heart. If you
are taking her out to dinner, something will
depend on the location of the dining room
and your place at the table. IT you are on
the street, the safest rule is to take the out
side place so as to serve as a body-guard
against runaway horses The presence of a
few boys with velocipedes or tricycles on the
sidewalk might change the situation. Above
all things preserve your composure-remem-
Der that you are good man and bear up
bravely.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
Toronto Globe.

Toronto Globe.
Two months ago a woman brought child
to one of the Anglican clergy in this city and
asked him to christen it Mohammed He
refused on the ground that in no way could
that be looked on as Chris tian name. The
mother went off in high dudgeon, and tried
one of the Roman Catholic clergy, with a
similar result. Two Presbyterian ministers
one having charge outside Toronto, acted
in the same way. She returned yesterday
to the first clergyman and substituted
David for the Objectionable first name, and
departed happy in the attainment of her OBJ
ject. 1t appears her husband, who is an
agnostic, is a great admirer of the Camel
driver of Mecca" and had resolved on new
departure in the name line for his child In
the end, like good husband, he gave in to
the wife's request to have the styling of his
young hopeful altered.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
POOR BOB,S BAD LUCK.
Col. Ingersoll Almost Beggared BY I'm
fortunate Mining Investments.

MisfOrtunes seem to be attending the foot
steps of the distinguished orator and infidel,
says Washington correspondent OF the
Chicago Neacs. A year or two ago he was
reputed to be q man of great wealth and
rapidly growing richer, but he has recently
met with reverses which it is said have al
most beggared him. Ingersolls sanguine
and enthusiastic disposition led him some
time ago to invest his money in mining
scheme in which, like Col. Sellers, he saw
millions The IvanhOe mine is located in
Mexico. 1t is silver mine, the prospects OF
which at the outset were so remarkably
seductive that Col. Ingersoll not only invest
ed his whole fortune in it, but induced a
very large number of other persons to do the
same. A company was formed with cap
ital of So, 100000, with shares fixed at S25.
Under the influence of Col. Ingersoll's elo-
quence the shares, which were nOn-assessa-
BILE, sold at one time at $40 each. Clerks in
departments men, women and children OF
all grades and CLASSES, bought into the Ivan
hoe at these figures, expecting to double and
triple their investments in a short time. The
paid-up capital Of some hundred thousand
dollars was soon used up in working the
mine. and, as the shares were worcestershire
stock had to be sold for what it would bring.
The promises proved to have been entirely
deceptive, and when 'horse" or rock with
out any trace of silver in it was met with
operations ceased and the mine was closed.
The stock Immediately deprecated in value
until to-day it can be bought for less than Is
cents on the dollar. That is the figure at
which Ivanhoe is quoted, and there are no
buyers at that. The number of persons who
have lost heavily through investments OF
Ivanhoe stock amounts to several thousand
Very many, like Mr.. Ingersoll himself, lost
all they lad accumulated, and suffered Sc
verely in consequence. 1t is said that in
some cases where women had bought stock,
Mr.. Ingersoll, rather than see them lose what
they had invested, purchased the stock from
them for what they had paid This proceed
ure, of course, was very expensive, and be-
fore long he was actually poor man. The
failure of Ingersolrs mine has caused Wash
ington to become a very poor market for
mining stock, and very little business in that
line is being done. "The burned child breads
the fire." and the gorgeous department clerks
and would-be capitalists fight shy of mining
St0ckSo
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
A SAVAGE EMPRESS.
An UnfavOrable View of Eugenie'S
Character and Ambition.

In the late Count Kesselef's memoirs, pub
lished in French at st. Petersburg, there is
one passage which shows that in point of de-
structive power Hartman and Sophie PerOv-
sky the Nihilists, were mere babes in COM
parisOn with q lady who has been invested
with the nimbus of a saint by aristocratic So
ciety in England, and indeed by royalty.
That part of the Kesselef memoirs is an ac-
count of the visit of the Grand Duke Con-
stantine to the Imperial Court of France
Count Kesselef it will be remembered, was
then ambassador of the Car Alexandria to
Napoleon III, and an elderly, grave, and OBJ
servant old gentleman, who wished to think
the best of everyone At the dinners and
deieunes given in honor of the Grand Duke,
his Imperial Highness sat on the right hand
of her Majesty and Count Kesselef on the
left. They found her voluble, laughter-lov-
ing, and yet animated with burning desire
to prove that it was she who really held the
sceptre. One morning, at a gala dejeuner,
she suddenly, in her talkative way, said to
the Grand Duke, ooh! l was going to tel
you yesterday in what way the Crimean
warhappened, when the Emperor interrupted
me. 1t began in letter from the Car Mich
olas in answer to the one in which we had
announced our marriage. The Emperor
took it into my room one morning to read it
to me. When he was folding it up he OBJ
served that it was cold. 1said, tits worse
it is severe The exact word / made use of
was (here the Empress turned round and put
her lips close to my ear it is coarsely rude
(grossiers).' How do you make that out?
returned the Emperor. why read it again
and you will see' Here-read He admitted
l was right and said he would reflect over
the matter. / took care that he should
From that moment the war was resolved up
on" "And So your Majesty" I interposed
caused the death of 100000 men and the
destruction of eight milliards of francs" Il
did, and I don't repent Of it q Bit" she re-
torted. Such perturbations must take place
in the lives ofnations. France, (the Emper-
or and herself) was determined to hold her
head high and regain her ancient position
Thanks to the English alliance we attained
our object. With England we shall be pow
erful abroad and tranquil at home" The
Emperor, who was seated opposite, was on
pins and needles. He called over to the
Empress, II dare say you are talking poll
tics" She was going to answer, when he
rose and made sign to her that the break
fast was at an end. The Empress was also
the author of the war with Prussia. She
called it ma guerre a moi. She is sorry she
risked it, believe, but it does not appear
that she has "repented' in the theological
sense of the word.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07

The San Francisco Post thus cOrrects one
of its contemporaries: "A morning paper
repeats from an Eastern paper the statement
that Hank Monk, the famous stage driver, is
driving On the line of the Northern Pacific
in Montana that he was recently hailed by
road agents, but whipped up his horses and
dashed off with five bullets flying after him,
one of which struck horse. Monk is not
now, nor has he ever been in Montana. He
drives over the route from Carson to Glen
brooke Lake Tahoe), on which line he has
been driving during the season for ten years
past. He receives an extra salary from the
hotel proprietors on the lake for inventing
outrageous lies for the benefit of tourists"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
WHY THE COWS CAME LATE.

Crimson sunset burning
Ger the tree fringed hills;
Golden are the meadows,
Ruby flashed the rills
Quiet in the farm house,
Home the farmer hies:
But his wife is watching,
Shading anxious eyes,
While she fingers with her pail beside the barn
yard gate,
Wondering why her Jenny and the cows come
home so late
Jenny, brown eyed maiden,
Wandered down the lane;
That was ere the daylight
Had begun to wane.
Deeper grows the shadows;
Circling swallows cheep;
Katydids are calling;
Mists o er meadows creep.
still the mother shades her eyes beside the BARN
And wonders where her Jenny and the cows can
be so late!
Loving sounds are falling,
Homeward now at last.
Speckle, Bess and Brindle,
Through the gate have passed.
Jenny sweetly blushing,
Jamie grave and shy,
Take the pals from mother
Who stands silent by.
Not one word is spoken that mother shuts the
gate, 49,
But now she knows why Jenny and the COWS came
home so late!
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
What Thrilled the Darky's Soul.
Little Rock Gazette. |

Little Rock Gazette.
Ike was one day riding a mule, and had a
little boy behind him.
"Tell you what, Uncle Ike. .possum mighty
good thing" said the boy.
"Yes, it's" said Uncle Ike, as the mule
struck trOt 'tA
III Especially when you got lots o. gravy wild
HIM"
Uncle Ike was silent, and seemed restless.
"An' when you got some roasted 'taters to
sop in de gravy" said the boy
Uncle Ike used his switch with nervous
energy, and the mule increased his speed to
gallop. s.t.4,
"Yes, Uncle Ike, when de 'possum right
brown, an de gravy drenin' out. an"
"You shet your mouf, you little fool |!
You'll make dis mule run off and kill us
boat"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
The Clover Plant.

Dr. Byron D. Halstek presents in the Amer-
ican Agricuhurist for September the following
important facts with regard to the agricultur-
al value of the clover plant:
The Clover Plant is close and deep feeder,
sending its fine roots far down into the soil
filling the sub-sOil with q network of. root
let's 1t exposes a large leaf surface, and is
thus able to concentrate weak solutions of
plant food, and prepare them for the tOrma-
tion of vegetable substance. The clover plant
grows throughout the whole season, and is
able to take up the nitrates as they form.
These compounds of nitrogen are produced
in large quantities in hot summer months,
and, being very soluble, would be washed
out by the rains, were it not that the clover
plant absorbs them. This is one great ad-
vantage which clover has over all the other
common grains, that finish their growth and
are harvested before the time for the most
rapid nitrifcation arrives. It is well-kOwn
fact that clover prepares land for the pro-
duction of large crops, and this is explained
in large part by the long season of its growth,
and its deep and close feeding, and the stor-
ing up of compounds of nitrogen. The clover
plant is largely below ground, so that re-
moving the tops takes away only part of
the vegetable matter that has been accumul-
ated. The roots of clover are large and
numerous; when they are turned over in
plowing, and decay, they yield a good sup
ply of plant food to such crops as feed near
the surface, and must grow rapidly for only
few weeks. In this way the clover crop
will help the succeeding wheat crop, and has
given rise to the saying, that: "clover seed
is the best manure farmer can use" If the
whole whole crop of clover is turned under
as green manure, much larger amount Of
plant food is put into the soil. This is one
of the quickest, cheapest, and best methods
of increasing the fertility of a piece of land
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
Financial Reasons.
detroit Free Press.

detroit Free Press
II won't sell you my vote, nohow," said
old Slocuss to the man who had come to see
him.
"Why nOt?" - 100,
"Fur three reasons: Fust, l kin ern half Q
dollah diggin' taters in the time it would
take me to 90 an vote. Second, it would
cos me 81 fer er team to go to the poliln
place. Third, ye on'y offer me So, an tother
side has already gin me So ter stay away
and not vote at all, which brings up the
fnanshal reasons on that side ter $4.5O."
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
DAUBLING IN PETROLEUM.
A Man Who Accumulated Six Fortunes
and Lost Five.
Boston Herald.

Boston Herald
A fellow worker pointed out to me this
morning citizen of Pittsburg who was, at
one time, q salesman in q retail grocery there,
at salary of $500 year. When the petro-
leum excitement became rampant he went
to Titusville without any money and after
few weeks fell in with prosperous specUla-
tor and ''struck OIL" making 100000 to
$500 600 in year. He increased this sum
to 81 500 900, and was urged by his friends to
retire from the oil region with the wages of
his luck. This he refused to do, and before
another twelve months he had lost it all but
few thousand dollars. Then he returned
to Pittsburgh and went to work in legiti-
mate way. But the fever of speculation at
tackled him once more, and he betOok him.
self second time to Oil Creek. After vari-
GUS shifts and adventures fortune revisited
him, and he was able to count his million.
Trying to double this-he had fixed his tig-
ure at $4,000 ,OOO-he was again financially
wrecked. This time he was so poor that he
stayed among the wells, and was forced to
earn livelihood by becoming day laborer.
New opportunities opened to him. and a
third time he got very rich. Reckless spec
ulation once more brought him low, and he
left for California, hoping to improve his
prospects there The fascination of petro-
leum drew him back. He made a fourth
fortune and lost it, and finally a fifth, with
the same result.
Within few months the tickle goddess
has smiled for the sixth time, and he has
invested all his money in Government bonds
well nigh S1,7OO,O0O-and foresworn spec
ulation. He sold all his oil before the recent
tumble in prices, and says he has learned
wisdom by experience. Having more than
he will ever spend, he ought to be content,
financially, and run no more risks; but |
doubt if he will. The S2,OOOOO0 he had
fixed upon he has not yet reached, and he
will be different from most spectators if he
can resist the old greed. His wife who is
here with four children-two grown-up girls
and two boys ON the eve Of manhood-was
the counselor that induced him to buy Gov
ernments He himself is not yet fifty. In
no othercountry than this could a man make
six fortunes and lose five in less than twen-
ty-five years. In America alone is the tale OF
Aladdin and his wonderful lamp daily, yea
hourly, verified.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-09-07
CUPID SCHOOLED.

When she was gay as lnnet,
And was as fresh as a lark,
Never a day but some minute
We met bctwixt dawning and dark.
Katie, and when shall we marry?"
Marry % she said with sigh
"That's cake and ribbons on Monday
And sorrow ere Saturdays by.
You are as lean as lizard,
am as poor as IA mouse;
Nothing per annum paid quarterly,
Hardly finds rent for a house.
Love and crust in a cottage
Capital just for Il pair;
What if the hut should grow populCus"
How would the populace fare?
oh, ay, the uncle you reckon on,
Gouty, rich and unwed-
Dick, They wait i'll, says the adage, who
Wait for the shoes of the dead.
"Ah, If j loved you I'd risk it!
That's what your thinking, guess
Why, would risk it tomorrow,
Dick, if cared for you less!
Loves apt to fly out at window
When poverty looks in at the door;
Rather I'd die than help Danish him,
Dick, just by keeping you poor.
Kiss me! You'll look in on Sunday:
Won't my new bonnet be brave?
June at it's longest and leanest-
My! what a ramble we'll have!
''Bye-bye! There's grandmother waiting
Patient at home for the tea.
Dick, if you wouldn't wed both of us,
You must be patient for me!'
SbouarS II thay ruffIa itS foIiaUa
Freshen the green of the grove;
True lovers tiffs said old Terrence,
Are only fresh fuel to love.
If flung off in a passion
If she crept in for a cry
Sunday came smiling and settled it;
Katie was wiser than /.
Loves but Il baby that, passionate,
Tries to be mated at birth
Time isn't lost if it teaches you
What a good woman is worth.
WHAT if the waiting was wearisome"
What if the work days were drear?
Time, the old thief, couldn't rob us of
Fifty-two Sundays year.
How long was liberty coming?
Long enough-even her way;
Lustrum or Decade, or Century
What does it matter to-day?
Nunky died single at sixty,
Granny at eighty or SO;
Well, five didn't weep long for EN-
'Twasn't in nature, you know.
Grannies and uncles are liable
All to die some day, that's clear;
Sorrow finds wonderful comfort in
Five or six hundred year.
And lovers marry at forty,
Ay, and live happy to boot;
Though Phillis be gray as badger,
And CoIdyon bald as a coot.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-03-22

The Baltimore AmPricua hints that Senator
Germans resignation OF the canal presidency wa
farce ana that he intends to stick The BAL
whore S',s, however, says that the resignation
IN earnest, and that successor VIII be elected to
him On juno iSt