New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-08
WIT AND HUM0R,

d" - AAASD ~ O4AOxW
The dog law is protective tariff, on
bark.
Man is like glass of beer. Blowing
the top of his head off settled him.
Il guess I'll push along,' is what the
man with the wheelbarrow said.
The man who has been round with
the boys half the night is likely to feel
flat the next morning.
If tramps only knew enough to 90 in
gangs they would be called gypsies and
be thought romantic.
A mortgage on house is like a
worm-hole in an apple. Before you
know it there is more worm-hole than
fruit.
It is all very well to say: t.Give a boy
. chance to work at what he takes to. -
But supposing he doesn't take to any
thing?
Il have fresh cold," said gentle
man to his acquaintance. "Why do
you have a fresh one? Why don't you
have it cured?''
''Can you find room for scribe on
your paper?" ''Not unless YOU want to
subscribe" And again was that schol-
arly youth crushed.
Talk of human pride. Can anything
equal the haughtiness of a boarding.
house keeper who has just had two ap-
plications for one vacancy?
If man could only>lose both cuff.
buttons at the same time he would be
all right 1t is losing one that kills
him.
A Chinaman has written poem on a
grain of rice. Let American poets fol-
low his example. Grains of rice won't
fill up waste-basket very fast.
Justice don't always miscarry. We
know of young man who has aver
aged pun a minute during his waking
hours this summer. He's in Jail now.
Government Official "Patrick, were
you minor when you landed in Amer
ica?'' Candidate for Naturalization
mo, your honor, l was bricklayer.' -
Those people who want to know why
printers call the boy 1.-THE devip' can
readily bring themselves to understand
it by employing boy for few days.
A very popular shade'is called stu.
dents blue. 1t is about the color of a
Harvard mans eyelid after he has been
out late and had a tussle with Boston
policeman.
The meanest kind of man is the
man who will at this season give to a
tramp straw hat when he knows that
if the tramp wears it he'll get guyed to
death.
''You will find the painting looks bet
ter a little way off," said the artist.
And Fogg asked, quite innocently,
would half mile be far enough off,
do you think?''
Arab Bey had a lot of sympathy in
this country until he got licked. Ev-
erybody now says that he was cantan-
kerous rebel who ought to have been
dubbed on the start.
Nitro-glycerine topedoes are now used
for clearing farm lands of stumps. You
put the torpedo under a stump, make
your will, say your prayers, and touch
it off.
Some young men have habits of play
ing poker at the clubs after having
made the calls of fashion. BY this
method they shine not only in society,
but sin till late elsewhere.
Some philosopher has observed that
ito be a good conversationalist one
must needs be q good listener.' This is
especially true if the conversation is to
be by telephone.
Said Mr.. Moriarity, in explanation of
his battered appearance: Eye see the
horse I was driving was mule" And
Mr.. Finnegan replied: EYE need say no
more, Dennis
"Yes," said the gilded youth of his
friend, 'Jack has passion for propos-
ing to girls. Why, I've known of his
proposing to six girls in week, not
one of whom he'd marry for a farm -
doesn't he run a terrible risk of being
accepted by somebody he doesn't
want?'' ':Not bit. He isn't worth a
dollarr'
Prospective Prices of Grain and Pork.
A loud cry is heard through all the
great produce markets that we have
enormous crops. If we are to believe
the statements of the papers and the
dealers interested, the country, yea, the
whole world never before raised such
oats, corn and other cereals; and, as
necessary consequence, prices must be
far lower than they are, and perhaps
lower than for many years before.
But we would warn farmers not to &C
cept these conclusions. We have heard
such stories before. There seems to be,
each year, something like a conspiracy
to bear down prices by concerted howl
OF great crops and small demand, until
the grain passes out of the farmers
hands, when there is sudden discovery
that mistake has been made; the sup
ply is much less or the demand much
greater than was anticipated. Prices
are forced up, the dealer getting the
benefit and the consumer losing it.
10 our view, there is a prospect for
high prices before another harvest, and
farmers should have the benefit of them.
The world stock of wheat was we'll
nigh exhausted blythe general deficiency
III last year crops; ana one large crop
is not enough to bring it up to the usual
average. The same is true of corn; and
the deficiency from that cause is increas-
ed by the fact that new uses are con-
stantly being discovered for corn, and
the demand for glucose, whisky, corn
starch, ETC., is unlimited. The stock of
hogs has been run down to the lowest
possible point by the scarcity of corn
and the ravages of cholera, and it can
not be brought around in one year. We
look for good prices, quite above the
average, for this years crop, and we
hope to see those who produce these
crops receive the benefit of the good
prices. Sycamore (IN. True Repatbli-
can.
M .e