The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-11-01
Tile DAILY ARGUS.


Said a colored preacher recently: EFF
de descendants oh de rooster what
crowned at Peter WAS ter make noise
cherry time Ii is told dar would be sieh
noise in de world dat Yer couldn't
heah the hens cackle.
One of the regular exercises at nor
NAL schools is writing words from die
tation and giving their meaning. One
of the words given out WAS .'hazard-
Gus, which the young lady pupil spell
ed ''hazardaess, and defined "a female
hazard
A Japanese young woman has grad
uated from Nassar college. 1t is to be
hoped that she can now paint fans in-
tellIgibiy. 50 that what the artist intends
for a COW in the foreground of land
scape viii not be taken for grand
piano on the roof of a house.
Il should so like to have a coin dated
the year of ms birth. said maiden la
ay Of uncertain age to male acquaint-
ance. do you think you could getone
fer ne?'' II am afraid not, he replied.
These very old coins are only to be
found in valuable collections"
Highly intelligent darling: ssThe rob-
bers can't steal my mammy's earrings,
cause papa's hidden Them Interest
ed lady visitor: us that so, dear? WIZ
where has he hidden them | wondeEp''
Il heard him say he's put them up the
spout, and they are likely to stay there"
Mrs. McCoble rebuked her colored
cook, Matilda SNOWFALL, in the follow
ing words: when / hired you, you said
you hadn't any male frie DIS, and now
[ find man in the kitchen half the
time. 'Lor' Dress your soul, he amt
no male friend of mine" ''Who is he,
then?'' He am only my husbandr'
Remarkable quickness of repartee was
displayed by an actor at the Belleyille
Theatre, when some one threw the head
of a goose on the stage. Advancing to
the front. the player said: Gentlemen,
if any one among you has lost his head,
do not be uneasy, for | will restore it at
the conclusion of the performance"
In one of the churches, while the ther-
mometer was in the nineties, and the
whole congregation felt as though they
were being cooked the minister rose to
deliver his sermon. At the announce
ment of his text a broad smile illumi-
mated the faces of his hearers. They
couldn't help it. 1t was-sAnd Peter
stood by the fire and warmed himself"
Now, my son. said West Side
cabinet-maker to his little boy, 'tyou
must remember that sins are like nails
driven into a post. Repentance is mere
" pulling the nails out, but the scars
the holes remain" s.But, | saw in
terrupted the youth, ''can't we kinder
putty EN- up, as you do the worm-holes
in the rotten Eastwood that you use to
make real English oak bedroom setsP''
At Buffalo grocery. the other day, a
fine lot of pineapples were received, and
an Irishman, who was passing, saw
them, and bought one to take home for
square meal. The next day, on his
way to work, he pointed to the pines"
again, and said to the proprietor, SIS
them better billed with salt pork or corn
bafe?'' He evidently had not discovered
the merits of the fruit in which he had
invested.
Mamma, DEAR" sand New Haven
girl. just in the flush of early woman
George has proposed, and / have ac-
cepted." My child, cannot think of
your disgracing yourself. George is not
suitable match for you. Besides, this
would make him as one of the family.
and he would pay no more board"
Thus will be seen the incompatibility of
II clearinghouse girl falling in love
with one of the boarders.
During the shower yesterday a citi-
zen carrying a very wet umbrella en-
tered a hotel to pay call to some one
up stairs. After placing his umbrella
where it might drain, he wrote upon a
piece of paper and pinned to it the SEN
tence, IN. B. This umbrellas belongs
to a man who strikes 250-pound blow
back in fifteen minutes. He went
his way up stairs, and after an absence
of fifteen minutes returned to find his
umbrella gone, and in its place a note
reading, Up. S. Umbrella taken by a
man who walks ten miles an hour
won't be back at all -