Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-03-10
sQUIBS.

ance Is taken out OF the room.
Whereabouts unknown Postman
Say. sis, where's Mrs. Mslley o'Dear-
montg' Sis II d'now She died last
week and didn't leave any directions"
Master Tommy (he had been very
naughty and was now amusing himself
with the Scripture prints): Here is
Daniel in the lions den !" Mamma
lncautlously): "Ah what was he
cast into the lions den for ~ Master
Tommy with triumphl; Cause he
WAS good.
\ woman has suggested that when
men break heir hearts it is ali the
same as W m lobster breaks one Of
his claws, lother is sprouting and I'M
mediately grows in Its place.
Fashionable lady, coming out of
church-"What powerful sermon
was never SO impressed with the duty
and privilege of giving freely. l am
determined to do better. and to send
this very week another silk dress TO my
daughter
Conveyed the idea: The two friends
We're talking about theatres. "How
wide is the stage opening at Music
Hall?a said one. well don't know
exactly" said the other. "hut il is Just
the width Of a Gainsborough hat on the
seat i'll front"
All the same: Pa, are you an agnos-
tic?" asked young New Haven miss at
tea last evening. NO, my dear, am
proud TO say | am Republican
Nv ell. that means the same thing, pa.
No Republican knows what he believes
nowadays"
No man who has never written il
book, can comprehend the awful Joy
which fills the soul Of the author. rs he
discovers the offspring of his brains
sandwiched in amcng a number of other
discarded volumes and marked: "Your
choice tor ten cents"
Young man, if you had one and two
thirds tons of gold coin. You would be
worth Just millioa dollars. Every lit
tie piece of gold YOU get hold of throw
into the junk pile until you accumulate
that weight. You can then sell il and
become y rich man.
DO you like to go to church?' said
a lady 10 Mrs Partington. Law me. |
do, replied Mrs. Partington: "nothing
does me SO much good as to get up
early Sunday morning and go to church
and hear populous minister dispense
with the gospel
They We're standing ut the door, 1--WE
would get married tomorrow, love, but
| want TO get good start in the world"
well, I'll give it to you," cried the old
man from behind, and out flew his right
foot with the force of steam ram. The
fellow at last accounts was still going.
Said the man as he lay crushed under
the fallen wall For heavens sake
get me out of here ~ "Are you suffer
ing much pain ?" they asked. "Yes,"
he replied, "but | don't mind about
that It's the row my wife will make
when | come home so late that worries
me"
inconsistent: There" said the
dealer, There is whisky that'n suit
you. Seven years old. Tis, 'pon
honor. It's what we call our 1S49
whisky" Fogg sampled the stuff. "A
very good flavor" he said, "but blamed
# ! understand your chronology"
Unfortunate: A lady who mad been
travelling i'll Italy was asked by friend
how she liked Venice. "Oh, very much
indeed Il was the reply. 81 was un-
fortunate enough, however, to arrive
there just at the time of heavy flood,
and we had TO 60 about the streets in
boats
An important matter Jimmy Tuh-
boy is deliberating. The teacher has
appointed him monitor of the slate
pencils, and whether he shall thus be
shelved retired" from active raising
the cold Harry" with the rest of the
boys or not is question. Present in
dications are that he will accept
Johnnie, here you are ut the break
fast table and your face is unwashed,"
said his mother with n shary look. IL
know it ma. | saw the animalcules in
pas microscope last night, and amt
going to have those things crawling all
over my face with their funny little
legs"
A young lady IN Milwaukee has sued
n young ma' for kissing her, claiming
$4,000 dai axes. She AYERS that ''he
then and there did seize plaintiff by the
shoulder, pat his arm around her neck,
and did than and there kiss her." and
by reason Of said act the plaintiff twas
greatly hurt in her feelings, and suffer
ed and underwent great mental pain"
Milwaukee girls are much more sensi-
tive than those around these parts
Boston Post
A reasonable offer: Together they
We're looking over the paper. "Oh, my
how funny" she said what is it?" he
asked. "Why, here's sn advertiser ent
that says: No reasonable offer re-
fused Whats so odd about that"
"Nothing, nothing" she replied trying
to blush, "only those are exactly my
sentiments" If that young man hadn't
taken the hint and proposed right then
and there she would have hated him.
Retraction: "Do you mean to call me
liar?" asked one rival railroad man of
another railroad man during a dispute
on business they had on Austin avenue
yesterday "No, Colonel, / don't mean
TO call you liar. On the contrary, ]
say you are the only man in the town
who tells the truth all the time, but
I'm offering a reward Of twenty-five
dollars and a chrome to any other man
who will say he believes me when say
you never lie" was the response. "Well
Pm glad you took it back" replied the
other party, as they shook.