News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

WHEN the SWallowers HomeWaIu
Fly" After the closing of the last gin
mill.
NoNPAREn looks bigger than plea
when you see your name in the reports
of police court. MorTistOn CHPPe7''
A DRESDEN matchmaker has made
watch out of paper. If the paper is like
some we know of, it will not run after
ninety days.-Te1as Siftings.
"BEEF is steadily going up" says an
exchange. The only way to stop that
is not to allow 40 much of it to go
down.
To BEAUTlFY the cake, we frost its top
but when Father Time frosts our human
top, we do not consider it in that light,
but hasten to cover up his work.
THE successors Of Jesse James, when
they rob train, should go for the sleep
ing Car porter, and they viii get all the
valuables of the passengers at once,
without disturbing them individually.
SOME scientist now observes that even
the clam has parasites. He would have
observed as much before if he had ever
noticed the crowd around q free chow
der. r.-LoaUeU Citizen.
81 WANT some points on these iron
and glass strikes" said an interviewer.
"Well," replied the knight of labor,
"when iron and glass strike, the glass
is alway the first to yield" Exit re-
porter.
WESTERN Editors think the Govern
ment agricultural reports are nearly
always too late to be of any use, which
shows how little they know about it.
They are never too late for usein paper
mill Boston Transcript.
A TALL man applied for position as
overseer of a body of men. "What do
you know ?" he was asked. 'I don't
know anything" he replied 'but I
guess I am tall enough to look over all
the men you've got -PhiLadellohiG
Sun.
81 SHOULD think that you would feel
badly about leaving this place." said
the house maid to the departing cook.
II don't; I'm glad to 60 amt sorry
to leave any of you-except the dog.
Poor old Tiger, he always washed the
plates for me-"
We cannot ascertain the name of the
lady who purchased that 81, 200 pair of
garters from New York ieweler the
other day, but as soon as her husband
compromises for five cents on the dollar,
the commercial world will have all the
particulars. Detroit Free Press.
The New York Observer, religious
paper, says there is no more sense in
having bell on q church than one on
a theatre. And the editor might have
added that there is no more sense in q
young man going out of theatre be-
tween the acts than there is in going
out of a hu1ch between the singing,
preaching and praying. -Norristoa0rs
Herald
THREE men and dog were in boat
IN the st. Lawrence. The boat cap
sized, and the dog, instead of saving
the men, sagaciously swan ashore and
let them drown. This Is one of the
little dog stories that will not be re-
lated in that touching publication, "Our
Dumb Animals. ."--LouiSUille Courier
Journal.
CITIZEN you don't want TO rent me
your house," said New Haven man in
search of rent. eyes, yes. But you
see the family in it now owe me little
rcEt, and don { exactly see how can
get them out" Chang it all, warn
them out. That's the way they do me-"
and then he wondered why curious
expression came over the face OF the
landlord.
AN Austin father complained bitterly
of the way his children destroyed their
clothing. He said: "When I was boy
I only had one suit of clothes, aud 1
had to take care of If. l was only al
lowed one pair of shoes a year in those
days" There was pause, and then
the oldest boy spoke up and said: "I
say, dad, you have much easier time
of it now--you are living with US.
T'eras Siftings.
AT Newport dance the other night,
he was introduced to a very modest and
bewitching girl, and so, Of course, was
] doing his very best to merit his good
luck. Feeling a sudden indisposition,
he excused himself for q minute, and on
returning was in The act of removing
| few kernels of coffee from his vest
pocket, when the damsel astonished him
by saying: "Don't chew that; I'd rather
smell the new rum"
A NEWSPAPER item, though of the
most ordinary Jrt, sometimes suggests
very interesting train of thought. For
example, an Illinois daily tells of man
who owns q pig weighing about one
hundred and fifty pounds, and so far the
story excites not even ripple. When,
however, it adds that the pig was born
twenty two years ago; that it was born
with only two legs, and then that it goes
about just like all the rest of the family,
we cannot help prickIng up our ears
and wondering whether the new species
| is confined to Illinois.
BOB BURDETTE on the road: A woman
comes into the car, sits down and opens
the window Just so it blows cinders and
cyclone of cold air over us. Her baby
sticks its head out of that window at
once, and before it can draw its breath
away goes the darling's bonnet, fluffy
little marvel of lace and French nauslin
and embroidery. Wonder in the baby's
eyes, despair in the mothers face, and
wild, malignaXt Joy in the expression
of the man who has Just picked up a
cinder from that window with his eye.
| And so we sail on to GAINESVILLE.
A FEW mornings ago seven prisoners
escaped from the County Jail. Two
citizens of Austin were talking about the
affair. One of them remarked "Those
prisoners are very shrewd TO make
their escape just now." What doyou
mean ?" "Why, you see, the Legisla-
ture adjourned only the day before and
are returning home. If the escaped
prisoners are arres ted on suspicion
they can say they are legislators and
they will be released at once. Nobody