Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1882-01-20
THE NATIONAL QUESTION.
The SpOOpendyke Family Have a
Pew Words Upon the Matter
OfExpert Testimony.
Brooklyn Basle.I

Brooklyn Eagle.
MY Dear" said Mrs. Spoopend, Ike,
as she wiped the corner Of the baby's
mouth and curled up a roll on the top
Of its head. why don't you go and be
an cxpert?"
Expert in what2' demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke, dropping his paper
What kind Of an expert 2"
Don't you know?" An expert
who goes to court and tells right out
what he thinks OF the hypothetical
questions and heads, and knows by the
almanac just when he is crazy and
when he isn't"
Anything particularly the matter
With your head this trip" roared Mr..
Spoopendyke. Been reading some
old cookbook lately? What're you
talking about2 What dress pattern
have you got hold Of now?"
II was reading about Mr.. Guiteau,"
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, "and |
thought how much better il must be
to be an expert than to know anything
about the case. That's why | asked.
II a man knows anything they always
prove that he don't; but if he is an ex-
pert, he just swears that a man who
bothers him is crazy, and that ends it. :"
IL s'pose you think I've had go
much experience in idiocy at home
that | could make fortune as an
expert" sputtered Mr.. Spoopendyke.
a." 1 tell you they are all intelligent men.
They wake up their minds, and swear
their opinions, according to the law.
When the revised statutes at large pro
vide for me as an expert, as they pro-
vide for idiots, lunatics, habitual
drunkards, and married women, I'll
go into the business" and Mr.. Spoop-
endgke winked at himself triumph /.
antly, as he thought over the last
shot.
"Well, rejcined Mrs. SpoODendyke,
bridling Indignantly, IF the Avised
statutes provide in that way. they
ought to be shut up. They've no
business at large. l didn't
know that these experts we're legal
lied. | supposed they just went there
to help their friends along"
No, they don't, either" retorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. They 20 to swear
whether the man is insane not"
But what do they want to drown
him for?" argued Mrs. Spoopendyke.
There they were all taking at once
and getting along pleasantly, when all
of sudden Mr. Porkhill and Colonel
Corker and Mr.. Savage throw Mr.
Gniteau into the dockl"
Drown your grandmother's hind
legl" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
What dye think law dock is? Got
a notion it's messly pond with green
scum on top of it? S'pose it's a two
inch muddle with a feneo around it.
and a Congressional appropriation ia
make it navigable? It's pen, / tell
ye; a rallied off pen in the courtroom
where they put prisoners Guiteau
bothered the experts so that they had
to put him in the pen, Think you
understand it now?"
"0f course" assented Mrs. Spoop.
endyke, but why didn't they put Mr.
Scoville and Mr.. Reed there, too
They are trying to bother the experts
just as much as Guiteau did. The
won't let the poor men alone"
Don't you know the difference be
: tween laWyerAnd a criminal?" ripped
Mr.. Spoopendyke, or ia that too fin
a distinction for you? Reed and SEQ
, vile are defending Guiteau. Porte
and Corkhill and Davidge are prose
, cutting him. OF course his laWye
will cross-exauiine the witnesse
against him. But it's no use to ex
plain anything to you"
II understand that much, returne,
Mrs. Spoopendyke, "but ! don't uu
derstand what Judge Cox means b.
pitching into the lawyers and over