Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-01-11
IFrom the Brooklyn Eagle.l
A BOY.

a modern writer, while bov who will
eat four meals, play ball three hours,
gorge himself with unripe fruit, and go
in swimming six times day during all
vacation, and be healthier than tomb
stone, will be seized with all sorts of
maladies the moment the school bell
rings. Sometimes the toothache is urged
as an excuse. It generally commences
at 8 In the morning, reaches its highest
altitude at 8:45, when the pain is intense
to an extraordinary degree; commences
to subdue at 8, after that disappears
with celebrity that must be very COM
Portable to the sufferer. If at night the
boy hasn't got four quarts of walnuts
spread out to dry upstairs, it is because
there is no place upstairs to do it.
Having once got our boy In the school
house there is no guarantee that he will
stay there, for his ingenuity very often
suggests a means of escape. A boy was
telling an old gentleman why he liked
the new master of one of our schools.
"The master, he said, "was frst-rate
fellow, and dismissed the scholars twice
lately at $50 o'clock in the morning.
Why, what did he do that for? asked
the elderly gentleman. After the youth
had good laugh he managed to explain
that one of the boys had put piece of
ice under the Thermometer and sent the
mercury down to forty, and the master
thought the room was not warm enough
to remain In. Being discovered and
brought up for punishment, the school
master asks him how he shall fog him.
IF you please, sir, the boy replies,
!" should like to have it upon the
Italian style of penmanship-the heavy
strokes upward and down ones light
IF he is open-hearted enough to give
condolences in the family circle as to his
school-day pranks, he sometimes soliIo-
quizes: $ Wonder what makes papa tell
such stories about hiding the school
masters rattan when he went to school,
and about his running away from the
schoolmistress when she was going to
whip him, then shut me up all day In
the dark room because tried just once
TO be IS smart as he wasp
Some of the comicaI answers that bows
give to questions propounded to them In
school are worth recording. Here is a
batch: An inverse ratio-In proportion
as the sun goes up this morning SO does
your collar go down. "Where does all
our grain go to?" Boy-"It goes into
the hopper. " what hopper?" "Grass-
hopper" Did any of you ever see an
elephants skin % asked the master of an
infant school. 81 haver' shouted a
6-year-old at the foot of the class.
Where ?" inquired the teacher, amused
by his earnestness. "On the elephant !"
was the reply. A boy years old, in
one of our public schools, having been
told that reptile sis an animal that
creeps,' on being asked to name one on
examination day, promptly aud triumph
antly replied, "A baby" Our Johnny
says the Poles live partly at one end of
the globe and partly at the other. He
knows it is SO because they are marked
on the map. Somebody told him that
pigeons ate 1heir own weight every day.
He knows little bird that takes a peck
at every mouthful.
When boy Is old enough to write a
composition, with what pride does the
fond parent gaze upon the first illusions
of his young offspring. The art of
Gutenberg has preserved for us some
fearful and wonderful specimens in this
line. A youngster being required to
write composition upon some portion
of the human body, selected that which
unltes the head to the body, and ex-
pounded as follows: GA throat is con-
venient to have, especially to ministers
and roosters. The former breaches
through his'n and then ties it up; the
latter eats corn and crows with it. This
is pretty much al [ can think about
necks.'' Here is Johnny's composition
on the elephant: "The ephalent has a
trunk like tale, but thicker. It's more
like long nose, but looser and curlier.
Onct there was taller wich prickt the
ephalent's trunk with his needle. Then
the ephalent went and got it full of dirty
water, and put it in the taler's winder,
and blode it all over the taller, but my
Unkle Ned says it amt SO. He says the
taller let the sash down real quick on the
ephalent's trunk, and held him fast while
he sode up the end, and the ephalent had
to swaller the dirty water and was sick
abed. They is too kinds of ephalents,
ones feet has five toes, but the others
feet has only three. The five toes one is