Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-02-22
SPICE AND ALLSPICE,

BY contracting disease you help to
spread it.-BOst0n Transcript.
ONE touch of Oscar makes the whole
world grin.-AndreaUs' american
Queen.
The way for desolate old bachelor to
secure better quarters is to take "bet-
ter half. :"
ADAM missed one Of the luxuries of
life. He couldn't laugh in his sleeve
N. Y Post.
The "fours of habit" said the gam
bier, softly, as he dealt himself all the
aces in the pack.
"I'M the light of the menagerie,"
cried the tapir. Then the other beasts
wanted to put him out.
The home paper having said, "Great
credit is due to Mr.. Smith,, etc., Smith
showed the paragraph to his grocer
Louisville COurier-JOIrnrI.
GIVE been hearon bad things about
you, said one big bird to another.
"Let's stork about something else,"
was the response. Sentinel.
A Texas Judge knocked six months off
a ninety-nine years sentence in order to
show the prisoners friends that he was
willing to give him a chance.
ALTHOUGH Guiteau has never been
known to indulge in Intoxicating liquors,
it is believed that he will take drop too
much about noon on June 80.
WESTERN man. Do you understand
music, Judge? Not. a line. The only
toon ever played on in my life was on
the spittoon.-N Y. Commercial Id
Vertiser.
sLET's illustrate it," hiccoughed
political orator. cts beautiful. You
see, an old farmer comes to town loaded
with new wheat, an he goes home loaded
with old rye"
A WRITER in ST. Nicholas advises boys
always to breathe through their noses
when running. A boy who would breathe
through his ears could not expect to win
race.-OM City Derrick.
81 GUESS dad wishes we'd all die and
go to Heaven" said miser's son to his
maternal parent. ''Why SOP" she asked,
upon recovering from her astonishment.
''iOh, cause Heavens such a cheap
place to live in."
AN Oil City young lady recently visit
ed New York. and when she returned
bone related how she had stopped at a
"palatable hotel and went up and down
stairs in a cultivator." Her parents
should cultivate her.
SOPHIA, sentimentally: "l sdearly
love to listen to the ticking of clock.
It seems to me that a clock has Ian
guage of its own" Mr.. Smart: "Yes,
Sop hia, the clock has language-you
might say a dialect"
GETTING his answer: Young Tompkins
thinking to take a rise out of PATTI
Why, you've got that paper upside
down, Paddy" Pat" Bedad eny fule
Guild rade it the other way oop." Calmly
goes on with his reading.)
EDO dogs reason % asks the Detroit
Free Press. Possibly not, but we've OBJ
served dog, on seeing a boy with an old
kettle, examining his pockets as if for
piece of cord, take a deep interest in
something about a mile away.-BoSton
Post.
LITTLE Jack had Christmas present
of railroad. He hurliedly dragged out
the engine, the cars, etc., and searched
the box, though it was visibly empty.
Those are all the things" said his
"The accidents. lie Figaro.
''I JUST went out to see friend for
moment, remarked Jones to his wife as
he returned to his seat in the theatre.
" Indeed, /" replied Mrs. j. with sarcastic
surprise. CT supposed, from the odor
of your breath, that you had been out to
see your worst enemy" Jones WINGED.
A NoBLEMAN had married three wives
who had been his servants. A beggar
woman meeting him one day in the street
made him very low courtesy. "Ah
bless your lordship," she said, "and
send you long life, for if you do but live
long enough we shall all be ladies' in
time. "-AndreaOS' american Queen.
A READER of scientific journal asks:
elbow to clean our boilers It is the
easiest thing in the world. Simply let
the water get too low, and the steam too
"cleaned out {" with remarkable impet-
uosity, but pretty much everything else
in its Immediate vicinity will be cleaned
out with it. It never fails.
The largest whoppers come from
Michigan this year: ga Port Huron boy
was punished by his father for tying his
sled to an express wagon for q ride.
The chastisement took place in the
presence of big Newfoundland dog.
When, therefore, the boy next time I'M
dertook to make ''hitch," the dog
pulled him off and held him."
TOMMY was little rogue, whom his
mother had hard work to manage. Their
house in the country was raised few
feet from the ground, and Tommy, to
escape a well-deserved whipping, ran
from his mother and crept under the
house. Presently the father came home,
and hearing where the boy had taken
refuge, crept under to bring him out. As
he approached on his hands and knees,
Tommy asked. rs she after you, too ?"
= Baptist Weekly.