Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-11-29
SPICE AND ALLSPICE,

|
CAPT. HowGATE's name should be
changed to Wheregate.
THE afterpiece at theater is enjoyed
by farce-seeing people.
A LANDEAU-A mortgaged FARM
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
A CLOSE CARRIAGE laundress
basket.-BO8to1s Com. Bulletin.
Docs are more handy than men. They
can go without their pants in winter.
"WHY do dogs have feas?" young
naturalist asks us. "Because, my dear
boy, the dogs are the biggest.
"WHEN will this car 90 ?" asked q
gentleman, the other evening. GAS soon
as 1t has cargo, was the prompt reply.
YOUNG housewife: "What miserable
little eggs againl You must really tell
them, Jane, to let the hens set on them
little longer, or we must change our
grocer"
A KENTUCKY exchange asks: What
is the great lever that shoves the news
paper forward?" Well, in the case of
most country journals, it is 81 year in
advance.
MANY London ladies crop their hair
short. 1t is painfully evident that the
married men in the city will soon lose
their grip.-NeW York Commercial Ad-
UeytiSer.
THERE are thirty-two different coIors
to sand, and when people speak of sandy
compilations they stand thirty-one
chances out of thirty-two Of making
mistake. -DetTOit Free Press.
n A GEORGIA woman wasn't hurt bit
| IN ho lT7t CHI 70
So, 900 for the manner in which she was
| obigedto turn a somersault in the pres
once Of eighteen horrid men.-Detron
rec Press.
LIGHTNING struck contribution plate
in western church just as the deacon
was passing it around. s. This is the
first time any thing has struck the plate
in three months, said the deacon
thoughtfully.
Mrs. LANGTRY thinks of going 70
New Zealand. She can do that now IN
safety, but there was a time when she
could not have gone to New Zealand
without getting into q etew.-Pbjl0-
delohaa NeaOS.
T. B. O. 7. D. A. F. T. T. S. o. T.
L. T. merely stands for the Toronto
Branch of the Dominion Alliance for
the Total Suppression Of the Liquor
Traffic. It is a temperance society with
an incorporate title.
BoTH eends oh life is shrouded in
mystery. A man don't know when he's
born or when he dies. Oars room
enough, howeber, between desc two acts
to get in a mighty heap of debilment-
ArkanSaaO Traveller.
A SMALL boy of four summers was
riding on hobby horse with compan-
ion. He was seated rather uncomfOrta-
bly, on the horses neck. After reflect
i've pause he said, 81 think if one Of Us
gets off can ride better.
The governor of Michigan, who was
as the returns at hand so far show
the only man on the republican state
ticket defeated, is obliged by custom to
issue a Thanksgiving proclamation.
There are things besides millstones which
grind.-Detron Free Press.
AN Indianapolis colored man was chal-
lenged at the polls on account Of his
youth, but insisted that he was twenty
one years old. GLOW do you know p
inquired the challenger. "Well, I've
had the seVen-year itch three times"
was the cheerful reply. He was allowed
| TO vote without scratching.
"HALLo!" CALCULATED a guardian to
his pretty niece, as he entered the par
lor and saw her in the arms of swain,
who has just popped the question and
sealed it with kiss, "what's the time
of day now?" 81 should think it was
half-past twelve, was the cool reply of
the biushing damsel; "you see we are
almost one"
"'TIs poor rule that does not work
both ways. Yesterday [ was at a din
ner party, when a glass of wine was
spilled on the table. Henry Meier put
some salt on it and no one said word.
Subsequently the salt dish was capsized
and I poured a glass of wine on it,
whereupon came near being thrown out
of the house"
A New JERSEY Sunday school super
intendent was addressing an audience
the other evening, taking for his sub
ject: "Sabbath breaking" Becoming
warmed up with excitement he ex-
claimed: "Why, friends, there are
some boys in this town who would desc
crate the Sabbath every day in the week,
if they got chance I"
A MAN who never has money enough
on hand to pay his bills bought pair of
boots on credit /" How much are they ?"
IS Five dollars if you buys on credit, as
usual, but ten dollars if you pays cash
down. "How is that?" "Vell, you
see," said the simple minded shoemaker,
even I sells on credit knows it is a
dead loss, so [ makes the loss SO schman
as possible .
"JoHN, said the cashiers wife, drop
ping into the bank in the midst of
shopping trip, "you forgot to leave me
that money this morning" "What
pame?" asked the cashier, without look
ing up. "Name! name!" exclaimed the
lady, g I am your wife" "No doubt,
no doubt, anspered the cashier mechan-
lcally, and gong on with his writing;
"but you will have to bring some one to
identify you"
A BEAR broke into the house of Ne
| xTCf IL III