New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-05-17
An Improved Congressional Record.

Ii Congress resolve to act upon tn
suggestion made by Senator Miller tina,
the Congressional Record be issued rs
weekly and sent to every family in thu
country, some modification ought to b.
made of the contents of the Record. TIL.
paper is much too heavy and dismal in
its present condition to be welcomed in
the ordinary American household. Per-
haps it mighthave puzzle department,
and if so one of the first puzzles could
take the shape of an inquiry how it hap
pens that SO many Congressman got
rich on five thousand dollars . year.
The department of Answers to Cores
pondents could be enriched with refer
ences to letters from ofice-seekers, and
the department Of Household Economy
could contain explanations Of how the
members frank their shirts home through
tho post-office SO as to get them in the
family wash. As for the general con-
tents, describing the business proceedings
of the Senate and House, we recommend
that these should be put into the form
of verse. We should treat them, say.
something in this fashion:
Mr.. Hill
Introduced bill
TO give John Smith a pension.
Mr.. Bayard
Talked himself tired,
But said nothing worthy of mention.
This would be succinct, musical and
in q degree impressive. The youngest
readers could grasp the meaning Of It
and it could easily be committed to
memory. Or a scene in the House might
be depicted in such terms as these:
A very able speech was made by Cox of Mime
Respecting the necessity Of protecting the
Twas Indignantly responded to by Smith of
Alabama.
Whose abominable talk was stlenced by the
Then Atkinson of Kansas rose to make an ex.
But was pulled down by colleague in a state
And Mr.. Alexander. in a speech about fnsur.
ance. =
Taxed the patience Of his hearers pretty nearly
After which Judge whitaker denounced the
Treaty u with Hawaii as soandalous monstros.
1t would be advisable of course to
vary the meter as much as possible in
order to prevent the monotony which
would otherwise dull the interest of the
reader.
After giving the proceedings in the
House as above, something Of more
spirited nature perhaps could be inserted
into the Senate reports. Suppose, for
example, the pages devoted to the Sem
ate should lead off with something of
this kind: ~ ~
Then up rose Smith Of Florida, the best of the
And spoke about his measure for protecting
alligators; .
He showed how tourists shoot at them without
And asked to have it made crime to kill them
out of season.
Then Brown he moved amendment by insert
ing brief clause
Compelling alligators not to operate their jaws:
But Smith he up and said Of him who thought
the subject comicai,
been too economical.
And Brown, responding briefly, wished to say
in this connection
That Smith in guarding reptiles had an eve to
eelf-protectiOn. -.
Then Smith he flung volume Of the Message
and Reports,
And Brown was laid upon the floor good deal
out of sorts.
OF course versification Of the C0u0res-
sso,s0l Record would require the services
OF poet laureate of rather unusual
powers. If Congress shall accept se-
rlously the suggestions which we make
with an earnest desire to promote the
public interest, we shall venture to rec
ommend the selection of the Sweet
Singer of Michigan as the first occupant
Of the laureate's office.-Our Continent.