The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1882-07-28
VARIETIES.

bridget, ! cannot allow you to receive
your lover in the kitchen any lDnger" Its
very kind of you, ma'am, but he's almost too
bashful TO come into the parlor."
Young swell-"Fraulein Mathild, may
offer you my arm?' Mathlda-"Oh, this
offering your arm is getting monotonous -
why not offer me your hand for change :"
Am ] hurting you badly asked II
Boston dentist ofa lady whose teeth he was
fixing, and who was emitting horrible groans
"Oh, not in the least, but | love to groan."
was the reply.
What's the crowd about" uucried a
stranger, as he noticed II stream of visitors
going into Il fashionable residence ITS II
silver weddin'," obligingly replied his inior-
mant. Whats a silver weddn'?" "Why,
chaps been married twenty-five times and
he's Il ceebratin' of it,
A correspondent of the Bt,cksmtM amt
lVheeLrr;gM says: "The best remedy that |
have ever found for horses clicking or strik-
ing their hind shoes AGAR st the forward ones
is to put high toe calks and low heels on the
hind shoes. lfmy brother smiths are incred-
ulous concerning this remedy, advise them
Ia try it and be convinced"
In polite phrase: A gentleman admires
charming woman over whose head the
swarms of seventeen year locusts have passed
at least thrice. But, ! say" says one of his
friends, she's very charming, know still
you must admit that she is wrinklcd." -
"Wrlnkled!' echoes the chivalrous lover
mo. sir, There may be the indeble i'm
preston of a smile upon her face here and
there, but that is all !'-F,om tie French.
"A jack knife codicil; A farmers will was
presented for probate Git was in old days. to
un A rnhIparpn Iuripr his visitation
found a name scratched ont. The widow
stepped forward and explained: Il tells you
how he be, sir When we comes to look in
to the will we seen ESQ left to John Wheeler
whats he rot to do with masters money!
says l. So gets a knife and us scratches
him out, and that's just how he be, sir"
The Colonel, who lives in the South, was
finding fault with Bill, one of his hands, for
neglect Of work, and saying he would have
no more preaching about his place-they had
too many protracted meetings to Attend
bill amt no preacher" says Sam. Hes
only Il Eortcr' "Well, what's the difference
between preacher and an eXhorter?" "Why,
you know II preacher he takes a tex, and
den he done got 10 stick to it, But II Zorter
he kin branch
Just married: They were raised here
in Austin, but she did not know much about
gardening nj the same time, she did not care
to expose her ignorance to her husband
They had only been married Il short time,
when he said Il notice the asparagus is
about rpc-dont you want TO 20 out into
the garden and get some?" She replied =
"rll tell you what we will do. We will go out
together. You climb up and shak the tree,
and I'll catch them in my apron rs they fall"
well" said an old gentleman the other
tlnN 81 bpyp .l,Iru tny IN Lao.
business, and can say what very few can at.
ter such experience; in all that time, my
friend, ! never. disappointed bat one single
creditor" Bless me, what an example for
our young mercantile community" replied
the person addressed what n pity that one
time occurred: How was it? - "Why," re-
spondcd the old gentleman, Il paid the debt
when it became due, and never in all my
life saw man 50 much astonished :"