Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-03-11

From the Detroit Free Press.
What desire to say" began Brother Gard
ner, as the meeting opened, sam to de effect da,
Professor Artichoke Higgins am in de aunty
room an ready to appear befo' US an deliber his
celebrated lectur' on Am Life Wurth de I.iyin
Fur?' De professor am a resident of Arkansas
in which state he has won seben silver medals
fur maxim de longest jumps on record. He ar
rove heah from Chicago las night on mixed
train. paid boy two shilns to show him dc
way to my house. an so fur as l can Judge from
his talk an de way he combs his ha'r. de man am
scholar an gem'lan. Sir Isaac Walpole, you
an Giveadam Jones will put on yer white kids
blue neckties an swaller-tailed coats an escort
Professor Higgins inter de hail.
The brothers mentioned retired to the dress
ng-rOOm and dOnned their state apparel and
after the lapse of a few minutes they appeared
in the hall with the professor between them. As
he mounted the platform and was received by
Brother Gardner he appeared to be a man about
five feet ten inches high. prominent nose retir-
ing chin, eyes about the color of boiler iron and
dressed in faultiess taste. After slipping
troche into his mouth he bowed impressvely
and began:-
my friends it pleases me exceedingly to be-
hold sich vast sea of intellectual faces befo
me- (Sensation.) kin almost ena"ine my
sell iOOkn down the aiSies of the Senate cham
Der OF de United States. More sensation.
DE question, Am Lite Wurth Livin' Fur has
often been aXed, an believe that several par
ties besides me have put de same query from
de rOstrum. CHEERS by Samuel Shin, who had
no idea what the word rostrum meant) But
claim to be the only pusson i'm dis kentry who
takes de negativ, side of dis momenchus inquiry
In de fust place we am BON De fust var of
our life am spent in cryin' wild pain and sorrow.
We see ghosts. We have bad dreams. We am
seized by de collie. Our 1roats am tunnels down
which dey pour soothing syrup paregoric sweet
yiSh w
(SObs by Pickles Smith. who lately lost his
grandtather.) What comfort does any boy OF
gal take up to de age of Is Vars? Not bit.
De boys git licked an de gals git spanked. an
dey fall down stairs have de chiCken-poX git
boxed up Hid de mumps an have to war
clothes which have been cut Ober an dyed
{Sensation by Giveadam Jones as he recalled
old recollect ons.)
From de aige of Is to 90 continued the
orator, after pulling down his vest, life am full
OF love and jealousy an bad fittin' coats, an
gwlne to funerals, an styin' home from crcusses.
Jist as young man gifts to thinkin' dat he am
happy he diskivers dat his sleeve-buttOns am Is
seconds behind the style, or dat his butes am de
hundredth part of an inch too long, OF dat his
coat wrinkles in de back. (Groans from Trustee
Puilback. who remembered when he was leans-
ing the BARRIERS trade in Richmond.)
FROM ~ to 80 we get maF'd. continued the
professor as sad smile crossed his face. 1--WE
love an court an hire libery rigs an buy candy
anu HldITy W udJ AIN ue result i! (Gf0aIlS from
all over the hall. We have to pay house rent.
an buy wood an go to meetin'. and get trusted
for groseries, an put up wild kicks an cuffs an
hoWlin' babies an hull doah-yard full of mise
rles. Q4ong drawn signs from 81 memhers.)
"Den we grow old an We take snuff an smoke
clay-pipes an spit on de capet au jaw de chill en-
and finally die. clears from Waydown Bebee. J
OATS life and its eand. Whar's de comfort:
What have we fOun' with lvn' for? How much
better If we had been trees or feuce-posts or
picket-fences! Life am mad struggle {Sighs J
We come up like sunflower an am cut deOwn.
Faint grOans.) To-day we may win de big tur-
key at de raff1e-to-morrow we may have to
pawn our ObercOat to keep the stove gwine
Significant winks and nods)
MY friends, thankin' you fur your arnest an
inexpicable attenshun an trustin' dat nv fee
bic remarks will be productive of Oberwhelmin'
profit, return you my heartfelt sympathies and
raSOOm INV seat"