South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-06-30

UP into his grsnafatGer's face remarked
Then why don't you get mamma tc
spank you?'
Some othes folk would deceive you
about tle'e goo's. bot lave been in
The business twenty years, aud never
told lie said the gaiIeiess draper.
And why do you begin now?' ask
cd the gentle fair ono in front of The
counter, as she gathered her dreperies
together and gliied away.
young widow was asked WHY she
was going TO wed SO soon after the
death of her frst husband. oh. Ia f.
she sal J, y DO il to prevent rse,tine
myself TO death on acco1nt of dcar
Tom
a newspaper under taevest makes "a
capitol Guest peoteUtor' Care should
he takan. however, II sclcc: paDer on
which there is nothing due. Dew ere.
ates dampness, aud the wearer might
catch cold thercsrom.
An Arkansas editor says: Oar wo-
men are accuse Of being fond of VIII ist-
ling. Well, so be it. What i, moro
lovely than tulips well blown
lHE ADVANTAGE OF A Liberal ED-
UcAr;oN. Thirty days in solitary con.
finemen',' was the sentence pronounced
against Jim Webster by an Austin
Judge. Thirty days?' asked the man.
'fuirty d'ys. was the response Look,
heah' boss, you glib me thirty days las
winter for de same fence, when the
days was heap shorter den dey is
now. Amt yer gwine to allow dc usual
di'count on account Of de signs in de
zodiachle! look OF intelligence ap-
peared on the Judicial face. and spread
MI over it. 1 declare, forgot the days
were not always of the same length
I'll make il twenty days solitary con
fnement instead Of thirty T.rrs
SVtin9s
A COOP RECOMMENDATIONS Sir
said lad, coming down TO one of the
wharves in Bosom, and addressing q
weii'known merchant, Sir have YOU o.
ny berth for me Oh yoar ship2 / want
TO earn something
What can you do? asked the zen.
tlemnn.
4 can try my best TO 10 whatever
am put to. answered tie boyr'
w hat have vou doae?'
Il have sawed and split all mothers
wood for nigh two years.
What have you donep' asked the
gentleman, who was queer sort OF
questioner
We'll, sir answered tho boy, after n
moments pause, i have not whispered
once in school for whole year
That's enough said tue gentleman :;
YOU may slip aboard this vessel, and
hope to see you the master of her
some day. a boy who can ma9ter
woodpile and bride his tongue must be
made Of good .tuff.'
Presently some entorprisina church
awakening to the fact that i, is behind
the age, will discard it's bell and put in
Il steam whistle.
SPINNING 1T Our Too Lone. - Not
long since smart seven year old son OF
one OF our preachers, after service was
over and the family bod returned home
from church, said
Papa, 90 you ever look at INC while
you are prenching?'
The father, thinking ho was little
hurt by supposed neglect, said
Certainly, my son, offer lock at
you and think Of you when am preach.
log
But to-day dill YOU notice me at all?'
Yes | 1Id, son, several times, said
the father.
Well pap,, did You see nc wink 20
you two or three tines:
No, my son. What did you wink at
the for when ! was pfcachiug2'
1 w'uked nj Won papa, 10 get you to
stop you we're spinning j, too long -
D,boH Free Press.
Why IS doctor better taken care Of
Than his patients: Because whcn he
goes TO bed somebody is sure 10 wrap
him up
whats Che matter with this tca?,
sand an ira'c husband Co his wife.
"eI'' She replied, there dosen't