Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1882-03-30
ALL SORTS.

Honey-bees are winged merchants
they cell their honey.
The greatest truths are the simn,est.
so are the greatest men.
Ii you have no enemies. it il n s;on
that fortune has forgotten you.
Marrying drunkard to reform him
is like drinking up medicine to save il.
| A person often has to talk for b;a
virtue but his vices speak for them.
selves.
| A Chicago editor remarks: oscar
Wilde gets 5000 night for being an
ass, while we remain poor"
A young lady who was squeezed
between two freight cars says it felt
just like trying on a new pair of cor.
sets. ~
A French oil merchant advertiseS
that he has "chasm" for an appren-,
tice. He has looked up the word "open-
ing" in the dictionary.
A Somerville shoemaker advertises
to make temperance boots and shoes.
or, in other words, boots and shoes
that are never so tight as to be disa-
greeable.
A Syracuse physician has been cam
did enough to file the following certif-
cate. "This is to certify that attend
ed Mrs. Ann Moriarity in her last i'll
ness. and that she died in consequence
thereof"
Some ingenious observer has discoy-
cred that there is remarkable
resemblance between baby and
wheat, since it is Graded and
thrashed and finally becomes the flow
er of the family.
"This safe is empty-call at the
houser was the card which burglars
found on safe in a Green Bay Office.
They called at the house and robbed it
of six hundred dollars, and the smart
office clerk hasn't got big head any
more.
"Little baby is very ill, Charley; I
am afraid he will die" "Well, if he
does die, mamma. he won't go to tn.
bad place" "Why, Charley, how de
you know thatp" ooh, 1 know he
can't, mamma; he's got no teeth to
| knash."
New York Herald: "What your
daughter wants, said an over-candid
music teacher to millionaire whose
education was not equal to his fortune,
sis capacity" "Indeedr' was tho as
tonished reply, "well, then I'll order
one Immediately, no matter what it
COSTS"
"Can give my son college edu-
cation at homer asks fond parent.
Well, you may be able to teach him as
much of Greek and Latin and mathe-
matics as the college could; but you
never can so thoroughly Undue him
with the idea that everybody else is
blamed fool.
A Pennsylvania grand jury recently
indicted man for stealing an UNI
brella, and, later, as they came out of
the jury room to go home and observed
that it had come on to rain, they gazed
at lot of umbrellas that stood in
rack, and muttered softly to them
selves: "What fool fool is!'
"The candles you sold me last week
were very bad," said Jerrard to ta,--
low chandler. "Indeed, sir, am very
sorry for that" "Yes, sir; do you
know they burnt to the middle. and
then would burn no longer?' "You
surprise me. What, sir, did they go
out?' "No. sir. no; they burnt short
er."
The lecturer began, "There is a
fortune lying in wait" Up jumped
bullet-headed fellow in the northeast
corner to remark: "Well, I guess
you're bout right there, mister.
There's Bill the butcher. Three years
ago he wasn't worth dollar. He's
got fortin' now. Got it as you say
by lying in weight"
In early times it was the custom to
announce from the pulpits the ap-
preaching nuptials of any parties who
were meditating matrimony. A good
old country parsOn, after having pro-
claimed the coming marriages of sew
eral contracting parties, gave out the
following suggestive hymn: "Mista-
ken souls who dream of heaven"
Texas Siftings: In high society cir
cles in New York, it is a grave ques-
ton, sgitating the minds of the lead
ers of fashion, as to whether folding
the napkin after dinner or throwing it
carelessly on the table, is 'the propah
capah." In Western Texas the upper
ten do not worry over such trivial
ties. They wipe their mouths on
their sleeves.
Whitehall Times: Once upon time
wealthy English land owner prom
ised his daughter as much land as
dozen of her hats would cover. The
maiden Immediately ordered twelve
new head gears, each covering bor-
ough. Her father looked at his daugh-
ter's gains, and then at one of her hats
and remarked: ga hat like that gains
boroughs." MoralYsNo moral is called
for.
While a lad, about fourteen years
old, was throwing stones recently, he
and his companions ABOUT him heard
something snap with sharp clicF.