Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-06-01
NEWSPAPER WIT.

A Wyoma woman has cat that is bring
ing up young duck. Wonder if it vii
develop into ducat.-[Lynn Bee.
II your husband smokes, gentle lady
treat him as you would smoking lamp
Don't put him out, but let him down easy
Boston Transcript.
In one lot there are four calves and in
another two young men with their hair
parted in the center. How MANY calves
In all ?-[Detroit Free Press.
This country has over u, 900 bicycles.
and you're mighty safe, young man, in tax.
ing the daughter of court plaster maker
for an heiress. Boston Post
Happy is the father whose children are
SO young that he can delude them into the
belief that the procession is all there is of
the circus.-[Buffalo Express.
With good beefsteak at 25 cents pound
people can almost forgive the followers of
Moses for falling down and worshiping a
golden calf.-[Philadelphia Chronicle.
The Gate City Guards of Atlanta, Ca,
recently scalped their gallant Captain with
spitty It's, It's true. Il Burlington Hawk
eye.
Wanted-An original paragrapher one
who won't steal quite all his ideas from the
Philadelphia and Boston papers preferred
Address Editor, New York. Philadelphia
News.
The fact that people are going around
buying up old rubber shoes leads us to
suspect that there must be a new kind of
bologna sausage in the market.-[Syracus
Herald.
The first circus started out from Putnam
county, N. Y, in 1927 or 1928. We sup.
posed the circus jokes of 1882 were much
older than fifty.four years.-[Norristow
Herald.
Mrs. Vanderbilt pays $1,000 a year to
her new French cook. Mrs. Vanderbilt,
you see, has get tired of paying 81 week
and doing all the cooking herself. Boston
Transcript.
At MonteCarlo a humorist posted the
following notice "Mr. A. yesterday lost
20, 900 francs at trente ct quarante. 10, 600
francs reward will be paid for their re.
turn."-[Le Figaro.
According to Darwin, "those who are
best fitted to live are the ones who do live."
Judging from some that do live, those who
do not live must be sorry specimens indeed
Boston Transcript.
Woman" says Mrs. Eastman, els a
problem" So she is and though a
problem we can never hope to solve, it is
one we shall never, never be willing to give
up Boston Transcript.
Sanitarian-" How can you obtain the
statistics of idiooy for this country" Oh,
that's easy enough. Find out how MANY
persons have paid twenty-five cents for
Guiteau's autograph. bonneville Journal
"What did you do to break that vase ~
"Ah Madame, nothing could be easier 1
had it in my hand-like this-and struck
it against the corner of the table, So"
And he breaks the mate to it!-[Paris
paper.
"My dear son" exclaimed old Mrs.
Jenkins last evening, Z" l wouldn't go out
without something over me. Put on your
overcoat or your cardamon jacket, or you'll
ketch your death of ammonia. Howell
Citizen.
The genius who telegraphed that the loss
by the Racine fire was Sl3, 900, 600, when it
was not 81, ZOO, 600 or anything like it, is
in the wrong field. He should be Presi.
dent or Secretary of mining company
Boston Herald.
Officer of the Prussian Guards, looking
at the ocean, to his wife "Isn't this a
glorious sight, Minnie? But the sea seems
greatly agitated-probably has never be.
fore seen an officer of the Prussian Guards"
I Fliegende Blatter.
A younge and enterprising reporter of a
daily paper was instantly discharged the |
other day. He reported the fact of man
being shot, and failed to say "a bullet
went crashing into his brain. - Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
fI hear Mr.. Griffin has the pneumonia" |
said Mrs. Budd, who was calling on Mrs.
Potts. "Well, don't believe it, retorted |
Mrs. Potts "he's too mean. If he has
any monia at all, it's an old or second.
hand one. "-[Rockland Courier. Gazette.
Translated from the Omnibus: Buyer
"Of the wreaths with inscriptions will /
one take" Selleress Wish you the one
with Rest Softly or Upon Again-se
ing 2" Buyer, somewhat embarrassed
"Oh, rather the first it is for my deceased
n-law."
young man who went to the circus and
stepped too near a monkeys cage had his
arm seized and savegely jerked by one of
The monkeys. He would have escaped
safely if he had not said, at is merely
nonkey-wrench," but when they heard
that the infuriated crowd threw him into
'he lions den.-[ Hawkeye.
A German actor, anxious to secure some
applause, and unable to pay for a claque,
occurred places in the gallery for his nine
children, and instructed them carefully as
20 the moment when they should clap their
lands and shout, bravo !" The moment
arrived at last, and, to his amazement,
! chorus of nine called out, Bravo, papa,
bravo RI Frankfurter Zsitung.