davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
HOW TO USE YOUR NAPKIN At
DINNER.

The law Of the napkin is but vaguely
understood. One Of our esteemed me-
tropolitan contemporaries informs an
eager inquirer that il is bad form to fold
the napkin after dinner; that the proper
thing is to throw il with negligent dis
regard on the table beside the plate, as
to fold il would be reflection on the
host, and imply familiarity that would
not beht an invited guest. But the
thoughtful reader will agree with US that
this studied disorder is likely to be a
good deal more trying to a fastidious
hostess than an unstudied replacing Of
the aapkin in good order beside the
visitors plate. The proper thing is to
fold the fabric with unostentatious care
and lay il on the left of the plate far
from the liquids, liqueurs, and coffee,
and thus testify to the hostess that her
care in preparing the table has been ap-
preciaied.
The napkin has played famous parts
in the fortunes of men and women. IL
was one of the points admired in Marie
Stuart that, thanks To her exquisite
breeding in the court Of Marie dc Me.
dici. her table was more imposing than
the full court of her great rival and ex-
ecuiioner, Elizabeth. At the table Of
the latter the rudes, forms were main
tanned, the dishes were served on the
table. and the great Queen helped her
self 10 the platter without fork or spoon,
a page standing behind her with silver
ever TO bathe her fingers when the flesh
had been torn from the roasis. A, the
court Of the late empifcs Engrnie was
excessively fas,idious. he use of the
napkin. and the manndf Of eating an
egg made or ruined the career OF guest.
The great critic, Sainte Benve, was dis
graord and left of the visiting lis, be.
Cause. a; brcakfA>i with the Emperor
and Empress, al the Tuileries, ne care-
leSsly opened his napkin and spread IL
over his two knees and cut his egg in
;VO in the middle. The court etiquette
prescribed that the half-iolded napkin
should lie on the LEI, knee. 90 lie used
IL the leas; obstructive manner in touch.
Jag the lips. and the egg waS 10 be mere
u broken on the larger end with the
eige Of the spoon and drained with i,s
~. The truth IS. luxury and inven,ion
Iush table appliancesso far iha, few can
be expected TO know the particular con
'eniion ,ha, may be considered good
orm IN any diversified society. The
way for a young fellow 10 DO IS 90 keep
iis eyeA opcn-whioh, unless he is in
Owe. he can do-and note shat o,hers
10. o.-(tgksfrleSs.f pySff
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
THE LATEST BY JOSH BILLINGS.

After a man gets to be thirty eight
years old be kant form any new habits
much the best he can du is TO steer his
old ones.
Amy man who kan swop hosSes, or
ketch fish. and no, lie about il. is az
Plus ~ men ever gii TO be in this world.
The SlSsyes; man ! ever met is hen
pccked husband when he is away from
home
An en;hus;as; IS AZ individual who
believes abou; four times AZ much az
ANYBODY believes.
\ dog ,ha, will follow anybody ain,
wuih a c,Iss.
Those people who are trying 10 &c, to
heaven on their kreed will find on, al
las; iha; they didn't have thru ticket
Too long couriships are no, always
judicious The par;ys often tire ou;
skoTeing fore the iroi begins.
one quart ov cheep whisky the
chceper the better judiciously applied,
wiil DO more biEincSs for the devil than
the smaries, deacon he has got.
don, rekoleot doing amy thing iha,
was Jus; little ashamed ov bu, wha,
somebody remembered il, and was sure,
once in a while. 10 put me in mind ovii.
Young men. learn to wai, il YOU un-
deriake TO set hen before she is ready
you will lose your time, and confuse
the hen besides.
Nature seldom makes a phool she
simply furnishes the raw materials and
lets the fellow finish the job TO suit him
self.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
MARRIED BLISS.

"You ought to get married, Bill"
said Spuddles the other day to a young
friend Of his as the two were leaning
over the front gate Of the Spuddles cot.
tage, talking about old times.
Don't know" said the doubling
William, "it strikes me that a single life
beats your married bliss out Of sight"
"There's just where you are off, old
boy" said Spuddles. "You know
used to be one of the gayest Of our gang,
but now, since I've tried married life
year, I'm twice as happy. Ihaye cosy
home, a nice little wife, and one Of the
sweetest of children, and when my days
work is done i come home and all Is
peace and harmony. No, Bill, the old
life has no charms for me now."
Just then the door opened and Mrs.
Spuddles head protruded.
"Mr. Spuddles, run right up town
and get another bottle Of that cough
syrup for the baby-he's just coughing
up his very toe.nails-and come past the
store and bring down a ham Of meat,
and some butter, and eggs, and coffee
we're clean ou,--and some lard, and
another sack OF flour, and don't forget
that can of peaches you promised me a
week ago. We must have some pota-
toes, too, and il you see any vegetables
get some. Heavens alive do you
think ! can be penned up here day after
day with a squalling brat, and nothing
TO eat in the house? And don't forget
those new towels some time this week,
and be sure to wait until I'm entirely
barefooted before you get those new
shoes-you know can't go after them
while Johnny has his oough-and-"
But Spuddles was flying up the street at
a gait that would have charmed an ad-
mirer OF fast stock, so we suppose he did
no; hear his wife when she raised her
voice TO the highest pitch and fairly
screamed:
Come By old Tubbingers and see il
sally can wash for me this week.
The door closed with a slam and the
happy wife muiiered
alt seems that that man won't do any
thing ! wan, him to any more. As soon
As begin TO tell him what want he
starts off. and now I'll lay dollar he is
not back for four hours. Hanging
around saloons ! reckon jus, like the
balance OF men,"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
NOTHING.

"Blessed be nothingl'' an old woman said,
As she scrubbed away for her daily bread,
I'm better of than my neighbor the squire;
He's afraid Of robbers, afraid Of ere,
Afraid Of food 10 wreck his mill,
Afraid Of something 90 cross his will.
I've nothing TO burn and nothing to steal,
But bit Of pork aud barrel Of meal.
A house that only keeps OF the rain
l. easy burnt up and built again.
Blessed be nothing! Ny heart is light:
sing at my washing. and sleep all night"
"Blessed be nothing, the young man cried,
As he turned with . smile 10 his smiling bride,
Blanks are breaking and stocks are down,
There's dread aud bitterness all over town:
There are brokers groaning and bankers sad,
And men whose losses have made them mad:
There's elk and satin, but want Of bread,
And many . woman would fain be dead,
Whose little children sob aud cling
For the daily joy she cannot bring.
Blessed be nothing. for you and me-
We have no riches GA wings 10 Zee"
Blessed be nothing II man might choose.
For he Who hath u hath naaght 60 lose
Nothing 90 fear from hoed % Gre.
All things 90 hope for and desire
The dream that is better than waking iays.
The fuiure that feeds the longing gaze.
Better. far better. than augh, Nc bold.
A. far a. the mining exceeirth gold.
Or hope ffuition In earth below.
Or peace that Is in OutuATd .hou.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
TOMATOES At ONE TiME CALLED
THE LOVE APPLE.

Elder Mann and his wife, Prudence,
OF Manford Mills. Washington county.
K. visited Father Hazard's farm about
forty ye1rs ago. Prudence Mann was
considered sharp and shrewd. and
"chock iail Of book lsrnin'" She spcn,
four ycars a, the Rythcsdalc Academy,
aud ~as sAid To be proficient IN chemis-
nv. botany. and geology. The elder
deferred 20 Prudence IN al ihings The
Hazards were quiet. gnosicnta;lous
farmer folk. no, much given 20 novelty.
working their farm after the fashion Of
a simple people. and sail,iied with " hA;
u produced. though ;ha; wa scaniy
enough sometimes
The elders wiic and Mother Hazaf,!
wcn; through one Of the fields on an II
icTnoon Wa..c on visit % the home
stead
">abina. Aid Prudence. IL believe
! II take some of these love apples up 10
the house and make stew OF them. 30
Ven do nothing OF the kind. -
slb,na replied. They re poison, and
NC don; Nan; no sickness IN the house. -
"Nonsense. ,a.d Prudence. ~ know
everybody says that they are poison -
What eVery body sayS i' no; true 10 this
case They're delicious eating"
Pudenoe picked of some Of the rcd
irGl, and ate L. Sabina Hazard stood
waiting 10 be summoned by Prudence
10 attend her IN her dissolution. Sab,.
mas ieafs proved groundlcss. however.
Prudence carried up TO the house an
apfonful Of the ripe love apples. They
were eaten and no harm came from eat
ing them.
In 1880. II. ". Crosby was steward
Al lafayette College. in Northampton
county, IN this state lie began stew
ing tomatoes. The pu;iing up of mca,
in cans suggested TO him iha, tomatoes
might be safely and securely canned in
similar fashion lie pa; up seven
cans, took them to Philadelphia and lef,
can with each Of the principle hotel
keepers in iha; city in 1891. They cx-
pressed their satisfaction with the sam.
pie. In 1882 he put up one thousand
cans, and found some difhcul,y in get
ting rid Of them. They were sold at
wholesale 4, s.. So dozen. and by re
tail n 90 cents can. Crosby sent
some TO the President, through Senator
Broadhead during the holidays of 1854.
The publication ofthe fact tina, tomatoes
were preserved in cans and were in good
condition a, Christmas helped d sale won
derfully, and the demand became firm.
Since then the business has increased
wonderfully. The number of cans pre-
pared last year was 36,77I 600, and they
brought 81. 3Sr $40 to packerS.-.SdLrRs,
(N. H. Standard
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
A PLANTATION BALLAD.

DE boss. he squall ter dc rompin' boys;
Don't bodder dat jug 10 de spring.
De jug. he guggle out good -good.good.
Niger, he holler en- sing;
oh. gimme de gal, de big greasy gal,
Wat wrOp up 'er ha'r wild \ string
Little bird au,tsr wen dc big spsekie hawk
Sail up en- light in de pine;
Wen de Overseer come en- look thro' de fence
Niger don't cut no shine;
But he roll up he eye, en- he break loose en- sing,
En- wish dat big gal 'uE mine
Oh. de speekle hawk light In de top o de pine
I'm dar he set en- swing:
he overseer lean his chin on de fence,
En- lissen At dc cotton choppers sing:
Don't nobody bodder dat sway back gall
Wat wrOp up 'er ha'r wid string.
oh. de ssrs,?in' black gal. de big greasy gal.
She kyar hersef mighty hne!
How de boys guineter foller along 10 De row,
A wAitin' fer ter keteh her sign!
DE boss mighty close, yit study en- wish
In wish dat big gal 'uE mine,
--.Josi CkaHdisr Harris Uncle ReafA..)
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

s9-lt is 4 world wide quotation, and
in the main true maxim, ";hai there
are exceptions to every rule" but il
there is one that has no exception, il is
that of universal criticism. Everybody
criiieises somebody, and is criticised by
somebody in return sometimes favora-
bly,. sometimes the reverse. but still,
criticised. Neither wisdom nor wealth,
beauty nor station. nor any other quality
natural or acquired. will insure its pos
SCISSOR against criticism, and most likely
adverse, for envy is one Of the levers
which propel criticism, and like death,
il loves a shining mark.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

s1rLi,eral When Farmer Bulge
read that bull painted by Rosa Bonheur
sold for S. 900 he remarked to his wife
that he didn't see how a coat Of paint
could so greatly enhance the value of
the animal, but il Rosa wouldn't charge
him more than ten dollars he would get
her to paint his bullin the spring. And
his economical wife replied that she
thought he might paint it himself and
save his ten dollars. The indications
are now that the bull will be painted
San Fiaa6iSc0 Post.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

Advancing YEAR. care. siekae.s, disapp pointmsh;
ani hereditary prsii.position-a al operate % turn
the hair gray. and either q them inclins' j; 90
shed pFsmAtaTsly. AVrE's iiAIR NiG9A uill
store faded % gray. ligh, - red hair % . rich
brosn OF deep black a. may bs desired. IL sgfisns
ant eleanses the scalp. gising il healthy Ac;ion
I, remove. AMI cure. ianiruf aud hsmors Ey
IT. use falling hair il checked. aud a res gFowih
uili be prsiassi 10 al eases where the foliics.
are no' destroyed OF the glands iecayed. is
effects are beautifully .hosn % bra.hy, ueAk. or
,ickiy hair. on Which feu applications gill pro-
duee the CLOSE and frcshhe.s of youth. Harmless
ami % its results. u 10 Incompatible a. .
dressing. especially Aiuel for the soii issirs
and Fichness q tone Il impaFis.
ATERs Has gIgoE - c0ioTiess. contains neither
oil nor dye. aud ~ill nsi soil % color shite cam
hrie. yet it last. long 90 the hair aud keeps Il
fresh aud vigorous. impariing an agreeable per
fame. For sale By al druggists.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

bag-The labor question Two sons of
Erin shoveling on no, day, stopped to
rest, and exchanged views on the labor
question. "Pat, this is mighty hard
work we're at" at is, indade, Jenny;
but what kind Of work is il you'd like,
il you could get itl" "well," said the
other. leaning rehectively on his shovel
and wiping the perspiration from his
brow with the back of his hand, "for 4
nice. aisy, clane business, | think |
would like bishop"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

bas-Improving An agent for the sale
Of some household article attempted to
mount the steps of house recently, but
the dog came around the corner and
took half yard of cloth from the back
Of his coat. The man was sliding out,
when the owner Of the house came and
asked: "Did dose dog bide you?"
"He didn't bite me, but he ruined my
coat" was the reply. "My goot friend,
excuse doze dog il he didn't bide you.
He ish young dog now, but by ant by
he shall take hold of some agents and
eat der bones right out Of them. He
bides coat now, but he shall soon do
peter. ."-Aa01.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

s@-Had him: Student mot very
clear as to his lesson y "rhat's what
the author says, anyway" Professor
al don't want the author want youl"
Student (despairingly: y "well you've
got me-"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

sS-Mystery explained Why is il
that whenever you are looking for any
thing you always find il in the last place
you look1 The reason is because you
always stop looking when You find il.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

bJ-Scored a point: Master Tommy
Che had been very naughty and was now
amusing himself with his Scripture
prints)-"Here's Daniel in the lions
den I" Mamma Gncautiously)-"Ah !
what was he cast into the lions den
forl" Master Tommy with triumph
-""Causc he was good"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

nY-About right: Little Tommy
Skidmore says that Indian meal is CON-
posed Of either roast grasshoppers OF
roast missionary, he doesn't remember
which.-Saa Francisco Post.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

p0-Force of habit: Tutor In me-
chanics: Tf body meet body"
Sophomore Tin an undertone, mechanic
ally:) "Coming through the rye."-
Yale Record
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

B~ Circumstances changed: Chester
field used to say, "Never walk fast I; a
gentleman is never in a hurry" But
then there were no railroad trains or
horse cars to catch in his day.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

p1rThe say- -6a Of the Yankee girl
of the are small, tapering, and beauti-
fully shaped, her ! are as beautiful As
the -, and she is without her
frown is I and her figure excites ! Of
surprise and hankering - her.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

for the cut.throat business policy Of Il
large city, and they are driven to want
and despair, not so much by Incidence
as by an incapacity to cope with the
ways Of city life.
81 wish Twas back home" is the yearn-
ing of many hearts-back by the old fire.
side, by the old table, among those who
were true and loving. Men are standing
upon street corners, in bar-rooms, in
houses Of ill-fame to-day with this
yearning in their hearts. Some Of the
more pious are sitting in some reading
room waiting for some good brother to
step up and invite them into fat posi-
ton, forgetting that piety without pluck
is not accounted much in large cities.
And after awhile he waits for his dinner,
for no ones invites. The Christian peo-
pie of the large cities are not Of the in
viting kind.
A gentleman made a tour OF a con-
, siderable portion of the State last sum-
mer, and he was surprised to find so
many people anxious to live in the city.
Young men wanted 20 leave comfortable
homes,cads. Families who were doing
well imagined they could do much bet.
ter in the city, and even young ladies
aspired 10 enjoy city life.
To the young men especially OF the
country, IN all candor. the Hrydki
would say stay Al home II YOU are on
the farm. YOU do Baltimore and yourself
more service by siaying there and cult
waiting il. lfyou are determined 10 come
10 the city. either secure for yourselves
a suitable situation before YOU come, or
come on 4 yisi, and see for yourselveS.
Don't be 50 foolish as TO sell Your little
property. or draw from iis hiding place
your little savings. and come on a ven
iufc. There are grea, odds against your
success. II YOU are machanio. you
can make As good 4 living where yot
ATE and run no chances OF failure The
wages may be little better here. bu;
your expenses will ~ greater and the
temptations more pieniiiul'to squinder
your earnings provided you get an OPP
por,uni'y TO earn anything let moth
ing bat the mos; solid and sensible put
poses tear YOU away from home and
friends and a certain livelihood Tor the
uncer;ainl.e, aud dangefs OF the city.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

p0r"Is your father a Christian ."
said a gentleman to little boy on one
occasion. "Yes, sir" said the little
boy; "but believe he has not worked
much at il lately"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

p1-A born cashier A devil-fish with
arms thirty-two feet long has been
caught on the banks Of Newfoundland.
What cashier he would have made
4HO1.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

0rShakespeare modernized: The
good die young. The bad live to lie about
the weather, and are spoken Of as the
Oldest inhabitants.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

sB-Brand new. A Renaissance"
which bids fair to be very popular the
coming season is the art Of riding "pil-
lion." For the benefit Of such Of our
young ladies whose memory does not
extend far, we would say that riding
"pillion" consists in sitting on saddle
behind gentleman friend who is out
for horseback exercises and sustaining
yourself by tight grasp about his man
ly form, a situation that is most highly
appreciated by the gentleman. Most
Of our young men express themselves as
willing to ego into training" in this
mattcr.-NSsO Haves Register.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

nv-A young lady from the rural dis
triots recently visited town with her
beau. Getting into car for the first
time she took her seat, while her lover
planted himself on the box with the
driver. Very soon the conductor began
to collect the fares, and approaching
the rustic maiden he said "Your fare,
miss" The rural rosebud allowed a
delicate pink to manifest itself upon her
checks, and looked down in soft con-
fusion. The conductor was rather as
tonished at this, but ventured to remark
once more: "Your fare, miss" This
time the pink deepened to carnation,
as the rustic beauty replied: "Deed,
and il I am good lookin', You hadn't
ought 10 say il out loud afore folks I"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
WHY HANDSOME WOMEN HAVE
POOR MINDS.

Na~ Mrs Jameson You "a, this
question. How comes j; TO pass that the
greater part Of your handsome women
are exceedingly ignorant and childish
their manner believe can ac-
o1ua, for IL.
Il ls not iha; nature has been lcss kind
20 their minds. because lavish 20 their
bodice. nor tha; they arc born with les
oapaoties than Others. ba; because they
neglco, 20 cul;Ivaic their minds and 20
improve their mental faculties, and the,
are van. and desire 10 plcaSc and TO lie
admired An ill-iayored woman knows
that shc canno; lie loved Tor her face /:
this Induces her 10 endeavor TO draw at
;cution by her intelligence and Wit She
applicS hcrmind 10 books. and her whole
force 20 her Improvement. and in spite
OF nature and natures unkindncss, she
becomes agreeable
The beauty. on the contrary, has onl,
TO make her appearance 20 please her
wants Is graiifed As she never reflects,
she never thinks that her beauty j. only
for a season. She Is besides, 80 taken
up with dress. with the care OF being a,
every assembly, TO appear with advan-
,age. and to hear herself praised. tina;
she has no time for the cultivation OF
her mind, however convinced she might
he tina, il was necessary. Thus OF ne
ccssiiy she becomes 4 fool, taken W
with childish tricks. the vain frippery OF
dress, shows and sights.
This may continue till thirty years.
CT a, mos, forty years Of age il the small.
pox or some other disorder does not
tarnish this beauty. When youth is
over, the time for Improvement is gone;
then this young lady, once, now no
longer. 4 beauty, continues in ignorance
all her life long. though nature has given
her As great an advantage as any other F;
whereas the homely looking woman,
who has now become very amiable,
dehes old age and sickness, that can
take nothing from her.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04

s@-Never judge man by his clothes.
His tailor may have a suit against
him.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
SnriOus Causes

s.'-Inia,sneht sasrsI to eosH,fy Ie.isr,. -sz
N4s.i2,'.ly.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-03-04
BOOTS and SHOES,
No. 1875 N. Gay Street,
BALTIMORE. M.

Alusy. ~ hahi full in, af Gsn,s -: as4 \ p
Boot.