davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08
What Mrs. Grundy Says.
NEW YORK MAIL AND EXPRESS

That there are seventy styles of fash
lOnable note paper.
That certain fashionables have the
Wilde fever badly.
Ihat small talk at balls and parties is
now based on the aesthetic craze
lhat debutantes Of the season have had
no difficulty in becoming engaged.
mat only five weeks remain for society
before the beginning of the Lenten season
mat The social calendar for the balance
OF the month is nothing if not bewilderino
mat billiard playing has been taken I'm
by ladies anxious to be talked about bv
men.
That iashionables now go to a weddino
very much as if it were nuisance and .
bore.
1hat married ladies are accused tbi.
season of some exceedingly violent Airta-
tions.
That the jewelers. say that never have
they known more prosperous days than
these.
That one Of the results of the present
eXtravagant season will be failures in the
spring.
That the swell of the period would
sooner cut of his right hand than wear an
overcoat
That Oscar Wilde is astonished at the
way ne has been socially taken in and
done for.
That hundreds of Americans are spend.
ing the winter in Cleopatra's S kingdom in
the East
That a genuine English nobleman ha.
actually got the financial best Of one o.
the hotels.
That hand-painted dinner cards have
been introduced at several of the fashion
able hotels.
That ministers say that the great gay.
ETY. this year has injuriously affected the
the churches
That reporters who put Worth cos.
tune on every lady don't know that this
is out of style.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

A man will go to concert the program
is classical, the music is away up miles
beyond his appreciation or cOmprehen-
sion, he will sleep through the most of it,
he will yawn all the time he is awake he
will be infinitely bored, and yet he will
go away and declare it was the the grand,
est music he eyer listened to, But if he
drops into q church and hears q returned
missionary preaching q sermon in the
Chinese language, he will come out dis
gusted and say, "Why should stay to
hear such giberish? l don't understand
ChineseW But neither did he understand
classical music,
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08
A Detectives Story.

Talk about bold bank burglaries said
member of the police force this morning,
the slickest steal ever heard of was the
robbery of a bank down in Rhode Island
six or seven winters ago. 1t was bitter
cold night, and a night patrolman noticed
dim light in the bank, and going up to
the door, raped"
is that you, patrolman ?" asked voice
from within.
Yes, was the reply.
Step in and got heat" said the voice
from within.
The patrolman stepped inside and en-
countered dapper little fellow wearing a
green shade over his eyes and a pen be-
hind his ear
You're working late tonight" said
the patrOlman.
Yes" said the dapper little fellow,
1--WE been detained tonight sraightening
up accounts"
The patrolman warmed himself at the
roaring big fire that blazsd on the hearth
and went out again on his beat. An hour
after the patrolman came that way again,
and still seeing light through the win
dow, raped again.
Is that you, patrolman?"
Eyes"
Come in and warm yourself"
The patrolmaA accepted the invitation.
It's bowling cold night" said the
man with the green shade over his eyes.
You bet," said the patrolman. So he
took another heat and returned to his
beat. He was rather surprised next day
to learn that his fireside friend of the
night before had got away with some $780,
600 Of the banks funds,
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

A young stranger sauntered into revi-
val meeting at Carlisle, Ind, and listened
to stirring exhOrtation to repentance.
He went forward when repentant sinners
were invited, and wept while the breth-
rem prayed for him, When questioned,
he said he was Arthut Thomas, a burglar ;
that he had come to the village to open
safes, and had entered the church to kill
time; that he was truly penitent, and
wished to confess robberies which he had
lately committed in neighborlng towns.
A Sheriff who happened to be present ar
rested him, and found the tools of his
calling in his pockets. He is to be tried
for the crimes of which he accused him.
self.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

The prize bale of cotton, which was
sold at auction Mt Atlanta for the benefit
of the Michigan sufferers and started
thence on a tour of the Western cities to
be sold again and again for the same pur-
pose, met with an unexpected rebuff in
Chicago. The Secretary of the Board of
Trade explained that the rules of that
body forbade such charitable enterprises,
and sent the bale to Toledo, as he had
been requested to do. Tho gentleman in
charge OfthO enterprise replied as follows
We are exceedingly gratified to know
that the Chicago Board of Trade has as
sumed such q high moral tone We are
also glad to be advised that the bale of
cotton is on its way to Toledo, and as the
minister said to the deacon to whom he
had loaned his hat to take up a collection,
we are mighty glad to get back that
hat"
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08
'rHE NIGHT WIND.
BY EDITH NJ. THOMAS.

Once. when the night-wind clapped its wings
And shook the windOw-b bars and roof
heard the souls of hnttle-kings
Drive by in clashing proof!
Sometimes, a runic strife is kept,
OF winter nights in sleeted trees;
Or underneath the caves it crept-
swarm of murmuring bees.
Or, now wild huntsmen of the air
In hallow chase their bugles blew,
While swift DER wood and hilltop bare
The Shrill-vOiced quarry flew.
Sometimes heard of lovers flown,
Safe. under ward of storm and night,
To where. in sylvan lodge, there shone
A taper kind and bright.
These things the night wind used to tell
And still would tell if might hear
Eut sorrow sleeps too sound and well
To lend u dreamful ear.
-Mid,cinter Century.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

When corn on the car is fed to horses
they masticate it much more slowly than
if the corn was shelled AS a consequence
that on the ear is better digested. A
horse requires more time to eat corn on
the ear than if fed either meal or shelled
corn. If the horse cannot have time to
masticate a full feed of unshelled corn
then it is best to feed something else.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

HUMBUGGED AGAIN. saw so much said
about the merits of Hop Bitters, and my
wife, who was always doctoring, and nev.
er we'll, teased me SO urgently to get heI
some concluded to be humbugged again
and am glad did, for in less than two
months use of the Ritters my wife was
cured, and she has remained so for eight.
cen mouths since. like such humbugg.
ing,-H. T., St. Paul.-PiOneer Press.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Narrow escape: Stole any chickens dis
week, Brudder Jonesr' said searching
class leader to member of suspiciously
thieving proclivities, "No sah-tank de
Lor'." "You'ss done WE'LL" said the
leader, and passed on, while Brudder
Jones turns to Brudder Brown and whis-
pers. Lucky he said chickens, if he'd
a said ducks he'd had nae suah!
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

No hair preparation in the world has
attained such worldwide reputation as
Ayers Hair Vigor. This is due to its
healthy action on the hair and scalp, and
its remarkable power of restoring gray
hair to its original color and imparting a
gloss and freshness which makes it so
desirable to all classes and conditions of
people.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

A Chinaman thus describes trial i'm
our Court: zone man is silent, another
talks all the time, and twelve wise men
condemn the man who has not said
word"
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

1t seems to satisfy family want, and l
wonder how we ever got along without
Parker's Ginger tonic. 1t cured me of
nervous prostration, and l have used it
since for all sorts of complaints in our
family.-Mrs Jines, Albany.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Terrible itching and scaly humors, ul-
GERS, sores and scrofulous swellings cured
by the Cuticura and Cuticura Soap (the
great skin cure) externally, and Cuticura
Resolvent (blood purifer) internally. Ask
about them at your druggists.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

1t is to be hoped that the poisonous Ague
medicines have had their day. Arsenic
and quininc are not desirable commodities
to carry about in ones system, even for
the sake of temporarily dispiacing the
the malarial poison which produces Fever
and Ague. Ayers Ague Cure is a sure
antidOte for the Ague, and is perfectly
harmless, leaving the system in as good
condition as before the Ague was contrac-
ted.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

English tourists, it is said, have incui-
Gated a more general respect for Sunday
all over that part of the continent of
Europe which has come within their route.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Rev. DIR. Fowler says the man at bap,
tism who does not go deep enough into the
water to get his pocketbook under has not
dipped enough to save him.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

A gentleman recently lost his wife, and
3 young miss of six years, who came to
the funeral, said to his little daughter of
about the same age: "Your pa will
marry again, won't hep" ooh yes" was
the reply, "hGt not till after the funeral" !"
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

HADA AHALLUCINATIoN.- were sit
ting beside the CRATE when all at once she
looked up and said:
Richard do you believe that people
ever labor under hallucination ?"
"Of course they do, he replied.
:" was just reading of husband who
went to bed supposing he had $50 in his
wallet, but on awakening ia the morning
there was but SIS. He at once charged
his wife with robbing him, and a separa-
ton resulted. Wasn't it awful ?"
"Yes, rather"
If you should suspect me of getting
up in the night and going to your wallet
that would be awful, too, wouldn't it."
" Not any too awful, for I haven't had a
cent in it since can remember" he said
as he turned to his paper.
That was all she wanted to know. She
got up that night and went through the
hind pocket of his pants and next morn
ing he had hallucination that he was 81
short.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

There are so many "sure cures for the
smallpox" floating around among the
papers that it hardly seems worth while
to try to avoid it,
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

The components of DIR. Bulls Cough
Syrup are daily prescribed by the ablest
physicians, whose success is due to the
specific influence of these components.
DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup skilfully prepared
for immediate use, is for sale by all drug
gists.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Death to rats, mice, reaches and ants
Parsons Exterminator. Barns, granaries
and households cleared in a single night.
No fear of bad smells. Best and cheapest
vermin killer in the world Sold every
where.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Did it ever occur to you that couple
of dozen eggs cost more in the market
than the hen which laid them.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

A novel sort of witness took the stand
the other day in West Chester, Penn, to
prove her own identity. She was moth
ing else than hen whose owner charged
that she had been stolen. He proposed
to prove his ownership by an exhibition
of her vocal powers, which he had trained
to a surprising degree by taking advan.
tage of the demands of nature, "Aanie,
sing for corn" said the owner, whereupon
the hen gave utterance to q series of
noises of a high order of nerit, in view
of her natural limitations, though scarcely
up to the standard of the nightingale.
There was no doubt Of the identity of the
fowl, but the Judge drought it possible
that she might have strayed over to the
defendant, and ordered his acquital.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Florida is now shipping strawberries to
New York in considerable quantities.
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Says the chronological Journal: "Four
boxes of earth alike in quantity and ex-
Posure to light and heat, were planted at
the same time with corn from single ear
and placed recently in physicians office.
In one box dry corn was planted; in
another, seed previously soaked in clean
warm water; in the third tho seed had
been soaked in solution of lime water
in the fourth, seed soaked in chloride OF
lime and copperas water, equal parts.
One week after the dry corn had not
terminated; the corn in the second box
had just commenced to sprout; that in
the third box was just showing its green
blades, and that in the fourth box had
grown nearly three inches high. Copperas
water will prevent birds and worms from
eating the seed, and one pound of dry
coppsras will soak plenty for twenty
acres"
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08

Mrs, Annie Howard was taken to the
hospital in Boston, u few days ago, suffer
ing from starvation, and she died on We'd
nesday. In her room the next day were
found $40 in cash, and bank books repre-.
senting deposits Of $4,000
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08
WHOLE NO. 1888.
Current Comment,
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEws

14Uitn-lh olden times, before forl
were dreamed Of, even kings and ouee, u
ATE with their fingers. It was we ha1;o,
!" tnat era that the finger-bowl was in.
vented. "''' III
nc politician who gets newspaper 10
advertise the fact that he is a capdida, Il
i ior olllce, and then neglects to pav tLal
Oiii' knows something about POLITICAL
economy.
IL Is said that the first REQUISITE for .,
aole bodied esth9te is intense lazin4ss and
inc Boston Post thinks Oscar ouphtto Gnd|
plenty OF material for esthetes in tbis
country.
IN 2S7 days from the shooting of Gar-
lleld his assassin was convicted Tbo|
only trouble about law is that murdo,
ers are SO apt to die of old age befo,o|
being punished.
American girls love everything Oriental
ana when one Of them tells you to wait Al
,i'sle' as she will be ready to go out in|
nail an hour, she always reckons NV
Chlnese time. The Chinese hour is two|
hours long
he reason that there are so MANY one
eyed women keeping boarding-houses al
accounted for by the peculiar trick tn, Il
SO many people have Of sticking daruip j
needles through keyholes. Boston Post
a Philadelphia street car conduct, i
held his car for three minutes waiting fc r|
lady to finish saying goed-by to female
companion, and then, as he started again
was heard to mutter: Much adieu abor 4
nothing
During the fourteenth and fifteeptl
cetunes, in France, guilty animals suffere h
death on the gallows,' By renewing tbs 1
law in this country we might manage ta
keep the gallows from rotting for want : 4
use.
One Of the legends upon the wall of the
room in which the Wisconsin Dairvme
Association held its recent annual NEE
ing was, Talk to your cow as YOU would
to lady" We suppose when milkin
time comes the dairyman politely saws to
the bovine, "Will you honor me with
| teat-a-teat?'
An eloping couple stated to rural cor
stable that they had been at a Philade]-
phia hotel for one week, and showed hix,
recsipted bill for $50 to prove it. INV
graclous!' exclaimed the astounded coun
tryman, what in the world did you wan
the whole house for? One or two room ,
ought to have been enough"
The Boston Times knows of a tram,
who carries about him box of dead cock
reaches. When he feels hungry he goe,
to a restaurant and orders a good dinner.
nearl y finishes it, puts cockroach in the
principal dish, and calling waiter, points
with horror at the object. Instead of be.
ing charged for his dinner he stands :,
| chance of getting paid for keenino silant
Smyrna times., 1882-02-08
George Eliot and Emerson,

The world is never without its men of
spiritual vision-a kind of insight into
reality essentially different from George
tliot's keen analysis of human nature.
1t Is genius of higher order than hers ::
1t is telescope, reaching the heavens.
where hers was microscopic, revealing the
things of earth. Mr.. Myers names George
Eliot, Carlyle, and Ruskin as three proph-
cts. But we have in Emerson a greater
prophet than any of the three; healthy
where Carlyle was dyspeptic; serene and
all-viewing where Ruskin is partial and
passionate; seer where George Eliot was
an analyst. She knew the thought of her
day and generation, and was mastered by
it he knows it, and masters it. No one
is treer than he from bondage to tradition.
No one sees more clearly the meanings of
science. He is so free from all false or
exaggerated fervors that to many he seems
cold. In him the brilliant rays of color
OF insight, passion, tenderness, imagina-
tiOn, worship, love-seem to blend in the
clear white light of truth. And his SIN
cere message rings always with a jubilant
tone of faith, and hope, and ioy. In
everything he sees divinity,-the token
and the very presence Of God For him,
life pours from every urn a wine of ex-
quisite joy, which never intoxicates, but
yields celestial vigor. With the heavens
opening above and about him, he vet
keeps his feet always or the firm ground
of familiar fact. His poems are inspira-
tions of serene joy. The present is to
him so full that he will scarcely dwell on
the future. Yet, in his "Threnodv," born
of great sorrow, we have the forctaste.
and almost the present sense, of eternity.
How nObly, in "Social Aims" he writes
Of Immortality. He goes deeper than any
conviction about mans futurity, to that
absolute trust in all-ruling good which is
the heart of special faith. 81 think all
sound minds rest on a certain preliminary
conviction, namely, that if it be best that
conscious personal life shall continue, it
will continue; if not best, then it will
not. -" Topics Of the Time" in the Century
for February
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-05-16
HOUSE.

Washington, Hutchinson of
fered a resolution requesting the
President to inform the House
whether certain official papers re-
Gently published regarding the I'M
prisonment of American citizens In
British prisons have been received
at the state department, and what
answer has been given thereto.
Under a Suspension Of the rules,
the House, 155 to As, passed a bill
that no action for damages or in
fringements of patents shall be is
sued for the use of any article, when
it appears on the trial that the de-
PENDANT purchased such article for a
valuable consideration, ia the open
market.
Several motions to suspend the
rules and pass bills made on the
order of committees were rejected.
Lynch introduced bill to repeal
section Pope Revised Statutes relat
i've to the appointment and duties
of supervisors of election. Section
2O29 provides that supervisors shall
have no authority to make arrests
or to perform any other duties than
to witness election proceedings and
the making of returns. The bill also
requires United States supervisors
in their reports to chiefsupervisOrs,
to report all violations Of the act
and gives United States district
attorneys free access to the reports
to obtain information upon which
to institute criminal prosecutions
against any persons charged with
violating the provisions OF the act
Referred.
The commissioner of pensions in
formed the House of a deficiency,
and that the appropriation of $l6,-
600, 900, to meet June payments OF
army pensions, should be made
available by the 25th inst.
Adjourned.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-05-16

Washington, 15.-The legislative,
executive and judicial apprOprla-
lions bill is completed, and will be
reported to the House within a few
DAYS. 1t contains an appropriation
of S29, 72O for the Offices of assistant
treasurer. San Francisco; for the
San Francisco mint, salaries of of
ficers, ETC., $4,000; wages, $4,000
incidental expenses, $1,000; for the
mint at Carson, salaries, ETC., $780,
$50; wages, $4,000, and incidentals,
$4,000.
The sundry civil bill is not yet
finally completed, but in the pre-
liminary work on the measure ap,
preparations have been considered
for lighthouses and military roads
on the Pacific Coast.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-05-16
$500 Reward

We will pay the above raward for
any case of Liver Complaint, Dys-
pepsia, Sick Headache, Indigestion,
Constipation or Costiveness we can
not cure with Vests Vegetable
Liver Pills, when the directions are
strictly complied with. They are
purely Vegetable, and never fail to
give satisfaction. Sugar CJsted.
Large boxes, containing 80 Pills, 25
cents. For sale by all Druggists.
Beware of counterfeits and imita-
tions. The genuine manufactured
only by JOHN G. WEST & Co., "Fhe
Pill Makers" 1S1 and 1873 W.MadisOn
Street, Chicago. Free trial package
sent by mail prepaid on receipt of a
6 cent stamp. z. G. M. I. Drug
Store, agentf
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-05-16
XLVII CONGRESS.
REGULAR SESSION.
SENATE.

Washington, 15.-Favorable re-
ports were made for public build
ings in Council Bluffs, Iowa.
A joint resolution was introduced
for An international convention to
recommend the establishment of a
meridian for reckoning longitude
and time.
Morrill, presented amendments to
the House bonded distilled spirits
bill, in the form of a substitute for
that measure.
Beck addressed the Senate on the
House bonded distilled spirits bill.
Waving all matters connected with
the Window investigation, he pro-
ceeded TO argue the justice, fairness
and honesty of the measure, when
he claimed would promote the IN
terests alike of dlstllleTs, dealers
and government.
Beck said if the Senate had the
constitutional power to reduce the
tax on distilled spirits to scots. a
galIun, he would gladly support an
amendment to that effect, believing
reasonably low taxes produced the
greatest revenue. Referring to the
so-called whisky ring, he read tele-
gram and a letter from ID. d: Snu-
feldt, president of the United States
distillers' and liquor dealers assocl-
alton, addressed to G. Z. Wharton,
their attorney at Washington, stat
ing that the funds collected by the
westarn association were all paid to
export surplus alcohol to cover their
Iosses. I'm
Morrill,, in opposition to tire bill,
said the evil OF which holders OF
spirits now complain would be ag-
gravated by the pending measure.
Window, mover of the pending
investigation of the alleged corrup-
ton in connection with the bill, re-
piled to Beck's reference to that
matter. He regarded the statement
in the communication read by that
senator that $60O,Oo0 had been raised
bv parties effected by that bill, as to
some extent justifyIng the investi-
cation especially when taken In con-
nection with the fact that this sum
was raised about the time the pro-
iectors of the bill came to Congress.
he proposed to 60 on with that in
vestigation and give those gentle
men an opportunity to explain. He
diselaimed having ever lntlmated
that anv member of either house had
been improperly influenced or APP
proached, and as to the merits of the
bill he would attempt to show at the
proper time that it would more
widely open the door to the swim,
ding of government than would
any or all of the projects before
Congress for % years.
Beck's resolution having served
its purpose in calling attention to
the subject was indefinitely post
Garland reported from the judi
ciary committee an amendment to
the Revised Statutes relating to
claims of persons in the naval SER
vice entitled to bountyland warrants.
After executive session adjourned.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-05-16
Emporium Cook Stoves,
For Hard or Soft Coal or Wood.

Nickel Knobs Nickel Panels, Shelf Patent AntDu and
perfect Combustion Damper in front Novel cleaning-out
arrangement together with Patent Sectional Fire
Front for hard COAL and Sectional Frebox Walls for soft
COAL Warranted not to twist or burn.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-05-16
VIM. JENNINGS & Sons.

First Class Range, with all the Modern Improve
ments, and warranted to give Satisfaction This range
has been placed in most of the principal dwellings, in this
city and all eastern cities.
sATIsFAcTIoM GUARANTEED.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-05-16
musicaI Festival.

Chicago, 15.-The sale of tickets
for the May musical festival has
closed and $l5,e 900 realised. The first
days sale of single seats closed at
8 o'clock tonight. A long line
have faced the box Office all day, $5,-
500 being taken. These unexpect-
eddy favorable results insure in ad-
vance a financial success of the fes-
tival. The preparatory work of the
chorus is done and everything is
ready for the concerts which begin
on Tuesday, 23rd inst.