Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-10-04
MARK TWAIN EXERCISES.
With an Axe He Attempts to Initiate
washington, Greeley and Glad
stone.
From the Efmira Advertiser.

From the Ehnira Advertiser.
The genial humOrst who sits up aloft on the
peak of East Hill, and from his elevated perch
looks down upon Elmra for his inspiration in
counting the comic muse, has been som ewhat
out OF health this summer. Sitting one day
at his study window, nursing little rheu-
matism, gazing far away over the peaceful
city lying below him, and wondering whether
there was one man within its limits who
could knock the spots off him on a game of
billiards, he was interrupted by the arrival
OF the family physician, who called to make a
friendly visit. Into his sympathetic ear was
poured the tale of the humOrist's woes and
after moments consultation he remarked
Clemens, what you need is exercised" With a
look Of gentle reproach, which soon changed to
anxious innocence, the hero Of many an expe-
lience Of roughing 1t Gin pctures) and tramps at
home and abroad ION paper) made replv
.'Well, that's all right, that's all right, but
who's going to do it for me9 You see,"
busy, and the children amt big enough to &C.
complish anything, and" 'sYou must do it
yourself" was the professional stop put to this
demur. "DO it myself How in thunder do you
expect-why, what can 1 do? There amt
good poker player on this hill, and the nam
that mo, no." interrupted the doctor,
you must have active exercise; something that
looks like work, you know. You can walk down
town, or swing dumb-bells, or chop
wood, Or" ''Hold on. you've struck it,
exclaimed Marx, ''I1l chop wood" "Best
thing you could do" said the doctor, as he
took his leave. st brings into play so many
varied muscles, expands the chest, deepens
the inspiration and superinduces a more
bountiful oxygenation by the beautiful pro-
cess of endOsmosis and exosmosis and hence
the red corpuscles-" "Here, have a cigar"
said Twain, pushing a box before him, "and
let up on Noses" I" You mustn't smoke. you
know" the doctor said. as he picked out
weed. sob! no, I've stopped smoking" was
the reply, as he carefully placed a sheet of
copy paper over three cid stumps and brier
pipe; II found it disagreed with my family long
ago." The doctor departed, and Clemens, with
the glow OF renewed health already shining in
anticipation on his brow, took one of the farm
hands from the harvest field and sent him to
town after new axe. He returned with the
tool, brlght-bladed. sharp-edged, and spent
twenty minutes trying to explain to the be-
wildered author why the handle was made
crooked. and that tho red label was
name. '.Well, but didn't they send
any directions with itl" was the anxious
Inquiry. How do they suppose an inexpe-
rienced person can load and fire that thing
without rules?" Finally, thinking he had
the hang Of the thing, Clemens had the man
mile to piece Of woods, the axe carefully
wrapped In an old coat, so that no one should
be hurt by 1t. The members OF the family
went with him to look for flowers and berries
while he chopped. Arriving at the desired
spot, he carefully took out the axe, unwrApped
the old coat, and laid the tool down beside the
stump Of . dead pine. Tho family wandered