davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
He Mixed Them Up.

A San Fradcisco lawyer, who defended a
pfomissory note case, went to lunch, leav-
ing his books and citations on the table
in the court room. The opposing coun.
sci sneaked back into the room and
changed the places Of all those book
marks.
In the afternoon, the lawyer taking
up his book, referred the court to his
authorities. His Honor noted every
volume and page very carefully, and took
the case under advisement. In render.
ing his opinion, he said
II was inclined after hearing argu.
ment of counsel for defendant, TO non.
suit plaintiff, but find that, on referring
to authorities quoted by counsel, none
Of them bear on this case, and am led
TO think that the gentleman has willfully
been trying 10 insult this court. He has
referred me 10 an action of an Irish wo.
man who sued the proprietor of mon.
key for damages for biting her, to a case
Of arson, one of burglary, two OF petty
larceny, and three divorce cases, best dee
other matters, none of which bear on an
action to recover on pronissory note.
Perhaps the grossest insult to the court
is referring Il to the case OF Duchworth
VS.. Boozyman, an action charging the
defendant with breach of promise.
Judgment for plaintiff with costs"
The lawyer never knew what the mat
ter wss, and to this day, thinks the Judge
was out Of his head.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
Peter Pickles Posthumous Joke.
Icw York Tribune.

Peter Pickle age sixty, a German of
peculiar Temperament, committed sui
eide under circumstances which led his
acquaiutances to look upon his act as an
intentional joke. The old man was a
bachelor, and he had no relatives in this
country. He lived in the clearinghouse
at No. GO Norfolk street, and he had been
employed by NJ. & II. Schrenkelsen, fur
niture manufacturers in Monroe street,
for about thirteen years. A large por'
ton of his wages went to buy liquor for
although he worked hard in the daytime,
he always drank freely at night. He
had charge of the drying-room in the
basement of the furniture factory. In
the neighborhood where he lodged and
among his fellow workmen, he passed
for Rip Van Winkle, so far as fun
and goodfellowship went. His en-
ployers recently attempted TO influence
him to lead more sober life, but Pickle
was obdurate, and he continued his
drinking and Joking. 1t was decided at
length to try the effect of dismissal
from the factory. On Saturday evening,
when Pickle received his wages, he was
told that his services were not wanted
until he had given up the habits of dissi'
patton. The good-natured German re-
msined away from the factory until yes
terday morning, when he went there at
an early hour. No person was in the
building at the time except the watch
man, who did not know of Pickles dis
missa.
What brings you here 50 early?' the
watchman inquired.
"Only little joke" the old msn an
swered, with grim and comical wink,
He entered the building, went direct TO
the dryingroom in the basement, and
after taking off his coat and rolling up
his sleeves, as it preparing to work.
hanged himself to steam pipe over the
door. The first workman who entered
the room an hour later ran against
Pickles dead body. When other men
hurried into the room and encountered
the corpse swinging atthe entrance, they
broke into laughter aud declared that
Pickles last joke was his best.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
CHECKING THE CHINESE.
synspsis of the Bill for Regulating and
Restristing Immigration from the Ceies-
tfal Emp

The Chinese immigration bill, as passed
the Senate. provides that from and after the
expiration of sixty DAYS after the passage
of the set, and until the expiration OF
twenty years after its passage. the coming
OF Chinese laborers to the United states
shall be Suspended and prescribes penalty
OF imprisonment not exceeding one year
and fine of not more than $500 sgalnst
the master OF any vessel who brings any
Chinese laberer to this country during that
le-iod. II further provides that the classes
OF Chinese excepted by the treaty from such
prohibition--srch as merchants, teachers,
students, trayeers and diplomatic agents,
and Coinese laborers who were IN the
United States on the 18th OF November,
1850, shall be required, as condition Tor
their admission, to produce passports from
the government OF China, personally lden-
tifying them and showing that they IN.
dividually belong TO ons of the permitted
class. which passport must be indorsed by
the diplomatic representative of the United
States in Chius; or by the United States
Consul at the port of departure. 1t also
provides elaborate machinery for carrying
out the purposes of the acts and additional
sections prohibit the admission Of Chinese
to citizenship ty United States o. State,
courts, and construes the words Chinese
laborersn 10 mean both skilled and unskill'
ed laborers ard Chinese lAboring men.
The following is the vote upon the final
passage Yess-Messrs. Bayard, Beck, Call,
Cameron of Wisconsin, COckrell, Coke
Fair Farley, Garland, George, German
Hale, Harris. Hill Of Colorado, Jack.
son, Jonas, Jones, of Nevada, Miller Of
California, Miller OF New York, Morgan,
Pugb, Ransom, Sawyer, Slater, Teller,
Vance, Vest, VOORHEES,, Walker-29.
Nays-M,ssrs. Aldrlch, Allison, Blair,
Brown, Conger, Davis of Illinois, Dawes,
Eimunds Frye, Hoer, Iugails Lapham,
McDill, Mcmillan aud Morriil-l5.
Pairs were announced Of Messrp. Camden,
Davis Of West Virginis, Grover, Hampton,
Buter, Mcpherson, Johnston, Jones OF
FL .rida aud Pendleton in fayCr Of the hill,
with Msssis Anthony, Window, Van
Wyck, Mitchell Hawley, Seweil, Plat,
Rollins and Sherman against it.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

TO their apparent brightness. The
brightest stars have been called stars of
the first order or magnitude, although
this term does not imply anything rela-
tive TO the actual size or brightness of
the stars; those which follow, still in
the order of their apparent brightness,
have been called stars of the second
MAGNITUDE; then comes those of the
third. fourth, and filh Magnitude, ac-
cordinp as they appear smaller; stars of
the sixth magnitude are the last stars
visible to the naked eye.
1t is generally thought that the bright
est are the nearest, though this is not
always so. There are said to be between
5000 and 8 600 stars visible TO the naked
eve. But when our feeble sight gives
way, the telescope, that giant eye which
incre .ses, from century to century, pierre
ing the depths of the heavens, constantly
discovers new stars. After the sixth
magnitude the first glasses revealed the
seventh. They then reached the eighth,
the ninth. 1t is thus that thousands
have increased to tens of thousands, and
that tens of thousands have become
hundred, of thousands. More perfect
instruments have cleared those dis
tances, and have found stars of the tenth
and eleventh magnitudes. From this
period they begin to count by. millions.
The number of the stars of the twelfth
magnitude is 9,556000; added to the
eleven preceding magnitudes, the total
exceeds fourte millions. BY the aid
of still greater magnifying power these
limits are again surpassed.
At the present time the total number
of stars, from the first to the thirteenth
magnitude, inclusive, is calculated at 49,
OOO,OOO. The sky is truly transformed.
In the fields Of the telescope neither
constella tions nor divisions are dis
tinguished; but fine dust shines in the
place where the eye, left to its own
power, only sees darkness, on which
stands out two or three stars. In pro-
portion as the wonderful discoveries in
optics will increase the visual power, all
regions of the sky will be covered with
/ this fine golden sand.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
KENTUCKY ROMANCE.
How y Young Wife Earned = Fortune by
Marrying an Old Tyrant.

In Boone county, KY, not many miles
below Cincinnati, few years ago, there
lived wealthy widower by the name
of Joshua James, wh9, having reached
his seventieth year, concluded to again
try the pleasures of married life, being
child less, and having spent forty years
in single bessedness. He proposed to
neighboring tenants daughter, Miss
Malie Stokes, a young girl of eighteen,
but the rustic beauty rejected him with
scorn. Enraged at the fair ones refusal
of hand and wealth, he undertook to pun
ish her by wholesale defamation of
character. This attempt to obtain re-
yenge landed the old lover in court as
the defendant in suit for $4,000 dana
ges. While the case was pending in
court Mr.. James met at a public gather
ing Annie, the sister, and year younger
than Male, his first choice, and spoke to
her of the trouble in court, which, he
said had all been caused by Malie fool
shly rejecting him, and which he didn't
believe that she (Annie) would have
done
"No, indeed" replied the girl, 81
wouldn't have treated you that way"
"All right" exclaimed the amorous old
fellow; II will make the same offer to
you. Get in my buggy and we will 60
right off and get married.
without a moments hesitation the
girl obeyed, they drove to Cincinnati,
were married, and returned home before
her parents knew what had happened,
The SANDER suit of the older sister was
finally compromised but the husband
u-1,,ll allAt.- LiA if..fs fa1Is 70 t.tt
her nor allow her to visit them. lie
kept his child-wite locked prisoner in
the costly home he took her to, and
spent his days in cruelty tormenting her.
He would whip starve, and in various
ways inhumanly treat her. Finally, to
evade his prosecutions, she made her
escape from the second-story window
and sought refuge in neighboring
house two miles distant. The enraged
| husband pursued, overlook and carried
her back TO his home, where, after tying
her fast and shooting his revolver over
/ her head several times, he made her
swear never again attempt to leave him.
| This varied cruelty continued for nearly
year after the marriage, when the
brutal husband took sick with fever,
and in a few DAYS released his wife from
her tOrments by dying. Left the only
heir to large fortune of $4,000, the
young widow spent several months en-
joying her freedom. Last week she was
again married, this time TO young man
Of her own age, named Williams, who,
though poor, gives promise Of making
her kind husband, and with the wealth
of the first husband and the love of the
second the honeymoon of the bride is
l filled with happiness.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
Dilatory Lovers.

The impatience of the parents OF the
Young lady over the long and frultless
visits of the chronic caller was pictured
in comic colors some years ago by
funny writer. 1t seems that it was mid.
night. The young man had farewelled
himself out, ahd Emeline had locked
the door and was untying her shoes
when her mother came down stairs with
a bedquilt around her, and said:
Wanted to creep up stairs without
my hearing you, eh? Didn't think |
knew it was an hour after midnight, did
your"
The girl made no reply. and the
mother continued:
Did he propose this time"
"Why, mother" exclaimed the daugh-
ter
"You can why, mother ali you want
to, but don't know that he has been
coming here for the last Year, Don't |
know that you've burned up at least
fonr tons of coal counting around here"
The girl took her shoes off, aud the
mother stood in the stair door and
ask ed
"Emeline, have you got any grit?"
81 guess So"
Il guess you haven't, just wish that
fellow with false teeth and a mole on his
chin would come sparkling me. Do
you know what would happen, Eme-
line?"
"No."
"Well, I'll tell you. He'd come to
time in sixty days or he'd get out of this
mansion like goat jumping for sun
flower seeds"
And Emeine went TO bed hugging this
thought 10 her bosom.
Occasionally such visits become so
burdenso that the young lady talks
to the young man herself At least they
had such a girl in Colorado. She had
been receiving the attentions of a Young
man for about year, but becoming i'm
patient at his failure to bring matters TO
cri.is she resolved to ascertain his in
tentions. When he next called she took
him gently by the ear, led him to seat
and said
"Nobby, you've been foolin' round
this claim for mighty near a year an
hev never yt shot off your mouth on
the MARVIN biz. I've cot.oned to yer
on the square clear through an have
stood off every other galoot that has
tried TO chip in; an now | want yer tn
come down to business or leave the
ranch. Ef you're on the marry and
want a pard that'll stick rite to We till ye
pass in your checks an the good Lord
calls ye over the range, Just squeal an
We'll hitch; but eff that amt yer game
draw out an give some other feller q
show fur his pile. How, sing yer song or
skip out"
He sang.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
The Masher and the Terrier.
Philadelphia Press.

A woman and a TERROR dog reached
the Union depot yesterday half an hour
before the time OF the Grand Trunk
train for Buffalo, and while the woman
sat down in the waiting-room as the best
thing she could do, the dog made the
tour Of the room several times aud then
curled up on a seat not far away TO get a
wink OF sleep before being turned over
TO the tender care of the baggage man
Al things were so so, when young
man with good deal Of cane and watch.
chain and necktie sauutered in and took
a cool survey of the various females
The one nearest the dog not only had
young and pleasant face, but she was
all alone. After satisfying himself of
this the Young man advanced, made a
graceful bow and inquired:
BEG pardon, but do you go East2'
She nodded.
"Ah! ! thought so. If you have any
baggage | shall be most happy -ah- shall
be most happy -
He bad all the time been preparing
10 sit down beside her on the dog and
the sentence was not vet finished when
he sank gracefully back. Some dogs
have been sat down on so often that
they don't mind it, but this terrier had
always been pampered pet, and had
been given proper time TO shake of
sleep and get his legs under him. When
suddenly buried under li0 pounds of
masher his ideas must have been terri
bly, confused, but not for long A clock
couldn't have licked over six times
when the young man began TO rise up and
whoop, aud he was scarcely up when he
made a course for the door which upset
every bandbox and satchel for width
of ten feet. As he went out OF the door
a black object let 60 of him and trotted
back, and it was only when the dog be-
gan rubbing against the Dashboard to
restore himself to his former round
shape that any one was able TO discover
why the frenzed yonng man had left in
such hurry.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

Columbus set sail in quest Of America
in a garb that sculptor and painter are
glad to copy and long to re-estabiish;
Shakespeare wrote the manifest OF All
poetry in Elizabethan trunks and hose;
The world is, according to conventional
calculation, six thousand years old. On
ton of sixty centuries trousers, like scum,
have risen TO the surface within the last
fifty wears. What right have they to
claim superiority over fashions or dress
which appeal to sense of beauty? Their
sole right is that of nine points OF the
law. They hold undisputed possession OF
thirty million pairs OF legs in the United
States"
"How do you suppose, from what you
know of England, Oscar Wilde would
have been received, if he went on lee
turing in that country, the same as he
has done here? Would he be guyed ana
hooted?"
~ think not. The respect for caste
over there is too strong. lie would De
listened to with respectful attention,
though | recall the fact that when be
appeared in the parquet of a theatre In
London the first night Patience was
produced the boys in the gallery poked
fun at him. Delivering lecture, how
ever would have been different matter.
Mr.. Wilde became prominent entirely
through Punch, the play Of Patience
and the newspapers, and no foreigner
ever landed on these shores who had
such full and free advertising. But for
the press he would scarcely have been
heard Of"
"You have some hope, Miss Field, that
the day will come when man, relinquish
ing his selfshness as well as his trousers
and anxious to please woman, will kind
ly take to knee breeches?"
81 have. / don't despair. l have grea
confidence that the good things Of tn,
past which have been unwisely discarded
will be revived, and that the poetry anC
beauty of life will yet be greatly en-
hanced."
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
Husband and Wife,

A Baltimore Judge decides that thy
people must be my people. An Ameri.
can woman who married German an.
piled for divorce on the ground that her
husband was about deserting her and
carrying all her money to the fatherland.
The husband said he would not desc (
his wife, but that he had determined TO
go to Germany, and the woman refused
to accompany him and insisted on stay
ing with her mother; and the court de-
cided that the husband had a right to
go where he chose, and that it was his
wiic's duty to go along with him, and so
the application for divorce was denied.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

nor in the bureau drawer, or locked
satchel-and he does not value human
life, though he does not wish to XII
either women or children, and noted
burglars have declared that they hated
10 contend with screeching women! The
noise unnerves them.
Not long ago an elderly maiden lady
in New York city was about retiring for
the night, and as she stood before the
mirror divesting herself of superiuous
portiops of her anatomy, she saw man
standing behind the door. With a series
of terrific shrieks she began to readJust
herself, when the burglar walked Out,
saying, as he slammed the door after
him: "You're enough to frighten the
devil"
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
Her pet.

A correspondent OF the Cambridge
Tribune, quoting the opinion of some
philosopher that marriage is attributa-
bic to the love of pets" says:
i know Of curious instance. Il is
that of man who looks like an educated
hog; has red.rimmed eyes, a red, streak.
cd, smooth face, puffy cheeks and matted
hair. He wears a coat all grease in
front, is portly, and his weight must be
three hundred.
He is, too. the crossest. looking man
that | ever met, and I daily meet him ON
the horse-cars. When this lump Of bu.
manity steps on the plank. walk of his
home, a little, squeaky-voiced lady, his
vi lie, always greets him with Come
home, have you, birdy?"
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

A GENTLEMAN in Paris owns hand
some and valuable dog named "Bis.
marck." He recently received letter
from the German embassy inviting him
to remove the name fiom the dogs col
lar and to cease calling him by it, under
pain Of prosecution, upon the ground
that the patronymic belongs exclusively
TO the German Chancellor. and the en-
bassy cannot allow it 10 be publicly
applied to Q dog.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

TWENTY bronzes coated with vivid
grcsn and in excellent preservation, have
been found far below the surface, near
Lese. They are supposed to belong to
the third century. Some Of them are
admirable specimens Of the best Italian
work Of that period and were doubtless
brought from Italy; others are apparently
the rude efforts Of native skill, snd all Of
them ass supposed 10 have formed part
q IN ornamental fountain.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

Mr.. VANDERBILT is now perfectly con-
tent to be admired and envied simply as
the driver of Maud S., whom he has
just brought TO New York. He is to be
seen in the park every pleasant after
noon, is often accompanied by Gen.
Grant or Mr.. Lorillard, and would rather
talk about the turf than any thing else.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

In tearing away the other day part
Of the wall of the old Baltimore home of
Charles Carroll of Csrrollton, the work
men made an interesting discovery.
This was the massively built and hidden
vault in which Mr.. Carroll once stored
his papers and valuables. 1t contained
an oak cabinet, all its drawers and pigeon
holes labelled by Csrrolls own haad.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
Distanea Of the stara

II would take ray of light travelling
at the rate OF $4,000 miles per second
three wears and eight months to go 10
the nearest fixed star. In order that
the mind may be less confused in the
midst of these thousands Of sparkling
points ii has been agreed frem the high.
EFT antiquity to class the stars according
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

THE Rev. Joseph Cook got excited and
angry while speaking before an English
audience in Poona, India, recently, be-
cause his hearers diseented with cries of
"No" "No!" Mr.. Cook at last exclaimed
that "it is no use casting pearls before
swine;" and started of, followed by
cries of"who are the swine2" as well as
by groans and Kisses.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

THERE was nothing peculiar about a
recent Toronto wedding up to the point
when the married couple quilted the
church. Then the bride dropped her
husbands arm, got into her fathers car
risge, and returned home alone. She
refused even 10 see him again or to
make any explanation of her conduct.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

SOME idea OF the demand for coral that
exists throughout the world may be
formed from the fact that from the bank
near the little town of Sciacca, Sicily.
alone, within the past four years more
than s,s74,OOO pounds of coral have been
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

THE money value of the American
dairy product is near $500 900, 900, which
is greater than the wheat or corn pro.
duct, and exceeds that of cotton and
wool combined. Capital invested ex-
ceeds 100000.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

IT has been found in the course of the
work on the Hudson river tunnel, that
coffee 10 much more wholesome and
abiding stimulant for the workmen, ex-
hausted by their labors in an atmos-
phere Of more than normal pressure,
than are spirits of any sort.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

THE face and left hand of General Gar
cid has been successfully cast in bronze
for his family. and the mold broken SO
there cannot be copy. The cast of the
face represents Garfeld's features exact.
ly rs they were after death, showing
traces OF his sufierings.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

A MARRIAGE with dead wife's sister
is illegal in England, and at mass
meeting recently in Exter Hall, Lon.
don, three thousand children born of
such marriages petitioned to be made
Aoitimata
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

PROFESSOR HUXLEY says that those
who have taken an active part in science
should be killed at sixty, as not being
flexible enough to yield to the advance
Of new ideas. He is himself nearly fifty.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

AMONG the recent imports received at
New York was 2,l50 cans of condensed
milk from London, 3S5 boxes of cheese
from France, i,s0s bags of potatoes from
Scotland, 424 bags of turnips from Scott
land, and $50 hogsheads or sour krou-
from Germany.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

Miss ALICE LoNcrELLow, daughter Of
the poet, has strong and clever face,
with charming brown eyes, and deli.
cate, soft color in her cheeks.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

ONE man in Missouri has had legal pa
pen served on him by eleven different
sheriffs. He seemed to be an unwilling
utograph collector.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

PRINCE PRIsDANa, one of the thirty
half brothers Of the King Of Siam, will
soon visit this country a. an emissary
from his royal relative.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

Six gallons Is the average annual con-
sumption Of beer by every man, woman
aud child in the United States,
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

The drink bill in Philadelphia, last
year, was 81 900, 900 over the entire rental
of the city, and the rental was $2S!000,-
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

A CITIZEN of Rome, N. Y, lately y receiv-
cd and identified silver quarter which
he had marked with his initials and the
date in 1853.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

Our Of 2, 100000 letters registered in
Canada last year, all went through or
were traced up except two.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

THERE has been some talk of dredging
the Rhine so that Cologne may be made
q seaport,
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

WHEN Annie Louise Cary was a girl,
1t is said she was the champion fence
jumper among her playmates.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

SARGENT, the newly appointed minister
to Germany, was in his early days jour.
printer.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01
NOTES OF TIE DAY.

TIE king of Portugal writes elegantly
and the queen is fond of elegant cloth
iuu
The Osceola times., 1882-04-01

AwrDDISG in Louisville, KY, recently,
was attended by the brides mother,
daughter and grandchild, representing
four generations.