News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-03-30
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enjoy is poverty" Still, it is one OF
those blessings that "brighten as they
take theif fight. ."-LolOeU Citizen.
IT is the little things that fret and
worry us. A three-year-old boy may
keep man in perfect misery, whereas
, no such trials would accompany the
presence of his eighteen-year-old sister.
-Philadelohia NeaOs.
The office of Postmaster at Norwalk
Depot, O., pays salary of 81 per year,
and yet no one will have it. There is
once in awhile an office that an Ameri-
can won't touch for either dignity or
money. -DetrCH Free Press.
LOUISVILLE talks of establishing an
art gallery, where citizens may pass the
time between drinks Chicago NelOs.
Chicago would have one, too, but she
has no time between drinks.-Louis-
giLle COurier-JouTndL.
A PHILADELPHIA editor bears the
name of Comet. He should have no
difficulty in providing a tale for his pa
per, but it is hoped he will not get out
of his orbit, and pitch into the Sun or
the WOrld.-Norristo,U Herald.
EPITAPH ON CAT
'Here lies newer immured,
Felis in felicity.
| Her molars inundated many a mole,
nicer, my sir, was She"
Buffalo Express.
| MIR. TNKLEPoUaH has just returned
from Washington, and told his wife that
he was permitted to sit on the floor of
the House. "Well, 1 declare, said Mrs.
T., "them congressman never had any
manners. Couldn't they give We chair,
I'd like to know"
PREVIOUS good character" counts in
Texas. A man who was on trial for
arson brought forward witnesses to
prove that he had neglected two good
chances to steal horses, and the jury de-
cided that no such man could be guilty
of burning barn.
FRIEND of the family to the boy
twins: "I'm afraid you little fellows
don't always agree. You fight each
other sometimes, don't you ?" Twins:
"Yeth. thir, thumtimth." F. of the
F. "Ah, thought so. Well, who
whips ?" Twins Mamma whips II
THE Christian Advocate, mentioning
the case of girl who SAID she joined
the Methodist Church con suspicion
for six months, says "We don't know
about the propriety of taking people
into the church on suspicion, but We
think considerable number might be
let out on that ground.
BEATING the devil round the stump
Was there ever better example of the
witty and concise form of expression
common to the real Western American
than the answer of the grim man of the
Sierras, who, when asked about the
/ sbar"eter 81 neiel bser- .'e5, t.-..tiolaly-
| replied Mister, L don't know much
| about bin, but my impression is that
he'd make frst-class stranger.
"CHEM," the caracaturist, entertained
views on viviseetion which would have
delighted Mr.. Bergh. 81 do not OPP
pose vivisection," would he say; ''on
the contrary, I fully recognize its util-
ity; but as our organs differ materially
from those of dogs, why experiment on
the inferior animals? Come, gentle
men, be logical, vivisect one another J.
CLARA LoUsIA KELLOGG says she can
make good hash, and Annie Louise
Gary announces that she can make do
licious buckwhePt cakes. This is all
we'll enough as far as it goes but can
either one of the sweet singers sew on
suspender button to stay two days in
one inning, and make a fire without
getting SCOT ON her nose ?-Norrtsto0n
Herald.
PRESENCE of mind: A few Sundays
ago Western church was discovered to
be on fire, but the preacher, with great
presence of mind, said nothing about
it. He merely remarked: "This build
ing is heavily burdened with debt, and
wish some one would lock the doors
until the amount is raised" Every
one volunteered to do the locking, and
as everybody forgot to come back there
was no panic and no one was hurt
Detroit Free Press.
IL IL IcIhlCC Jl1db WlOAl bhV
setts Legislative Committee on Charities
visited the Taunton Insane Asylum, enc
of the patients exhibited an automatic
toy of his invention, in which a pros
trate wooden man was receiving
severe kicking and humping by
others. "Don't you think 1t rather
severe on that poor fellow to be mauled
and kicked in that way p asked legis-
lator. ooh, no." was the reply;
"you can't hurt him-he is insane.
We, RocKDALE, Texas: "What au-
thority has the Legislature of Arkansas
for deciding the difference of pronunca-
alton in the name of that State, Arkan-
saw or Arkansas I? If saw is right for
sas. why not say Kansaw for Kansas,
Texaw for Texas ?" AS the people of
New York are called New Workers, and
the Inhabitants of Michigan are called
Michiganders, possibly the Arkansas
legislators were afraid they might be
called Arkansasses, and so changed the
pronunciation Of the name of the State
to Arkansaw.-Ter Siftings.
Town and city authorities will be in
terested in the following answer of a
tramp to question as to how he man
aged to beat his way on railroads. He
says "No, sir, / never try to beat
rides on railway trains. When | want
to get ticket to a town, go to the au-
thorities of the place where am stay
lug and say See here, I'm pauper.
] belong to such town. l think L am
going to have the smallpox and l want
to go home They are SO anxious to
get me out of town they shell out the
ticket quicker than cat can dodge.
THOMAS and James had new suits OF
clothing at the same time. Thomas
kept his in the wardrobe nice and clean,
but James put his right on and wore 1t
every day so it became shabby after
time. Thomas's suit, on the contrary,
was as good az ever when James's was
worn out. When the boys father saw
the condition of his sons clothing, he
straightway purchased new and
nobby suit for James but as Thomas's
was as good as ever, Thomas got no new
clothes. Both boys now have suits
equally good, but the cut If Thomsss