The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-04-07
Jokes Of the ConNssrs.

Jokes OF the COnNG6sDrs.
It is probable that railroad conductors
play more jokes on each other than any
other class of people, and wewouid pub
hsh more of them, only the most of the
conductors are big men who might tie
us up in double bow-knot. We tell
more jokes on Rumsay than any of the
rest, because he is probably the only
one we could handle in a rough and
tumble fight. Fred Cornes and Rum
sey are representative conductors, in re-
gard to fun, and each is laying for the
other to play joke. Not long ago
Rumsey hired a passenger that was 60
ing out on Fred's train, a fellow who
had three cat boils on his face, to go
into the refrigerator In one corner of the
car, and when Fred came to pull him
out, to tell him he had the smallpox.
The scheme worked splendidly, and Fred
went into the baggage car and washed
himself all over ina tin wash basin, with
bar soap, and stopped the train at Brook
field junction and let the passenger get
off without paying, that being his desti-
nation. AS the train was moving off the
passenger yelled to Comes and told him
if he saw Rumsey in Milwaukee to tell
him that the cat boils passed him through
all right. Comes at once saw through
the joke and laid for Rlmsey. A spell
ago the two met, and both we're tired, so
Fred suggested that they take Turkish
bath and go up to his house and get
dinner, and then lay down and have a
good sleep. Rumsey consented, if Fred
would promise to wake him up at five
o'clock, as he had an engagement to meet
lumberman who wanted to buy some
of his pine land. Fred agreed, and they
went up to the house on Keewaunee
street, near the school house, where
Fred comes home once in while, and
went to bed. After they had slept for
couple of hours Fred got up and dark
ened the windows, lit the gas in the
room and turned the clock ahead to half
past seven o'clock. Fred's wife was let
into the joke. and she darkened the
rooms down stairs, and the hall, and lit
all the gas. Then Fred went up and
woke Rumsey, who yawned and rolled
over. RumseY looked at the gas burn
ing, and then at the clock, and saying,
"This is a pretty trick to play on gen
tleman," he jumped out Of bed and got
into his pants. AS he pulled on his
boots he told Fred that was the last time
he would catch him in that house. 81
have been drugged," said he, as he
grabbed cigar and his coat and vest
and started down stairs. He stopped in
the hall by the dim gas light to button
his suspenders, and pulling on his vest,
he took his coat on his arm, yelled an
adieu to Mrs. Cornes and opened the
door and jumped to the middle Of the
sidewalk. Let Rumsey tell the rest of
the story Says he: 81 pledge you
my word it was light as day. The sun
was shining brighter than ever saw it,
and more than a million children were
coming out of the school house. When
they saw me come out of the house on
hop, skip and jump, they thought / had
been fred out. ane they gave me big
laugh. Hooked around sort of innocent,
just as though I always came out Of
houses that way, and then put on my
coat and looked at my watch, and it was
just four o'clock. My first impulse was
to go back into the house and murder
Cornes, but he stood at the window with
his wife, looking SO sorry, that l just lit
my cigar and walked off. But I am lay
ing for him, now, and don't you forget
it. No man can play me for a snoozer.
You just wait. Some day you will hear
more about this. There don't any of
them get away with Rumsey. Why, I
killed a man at Rush Lake Junction,
once. for less than that 4" PecL,e 0,,,,