davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1882-10-19
Women and Water.

There's an end TO all fishin' for
this season. sighed the old man, dis
mally. Perch was Just bitin' good
and bass was commencin' fer 10 run.
but it 5 ali up now for goodr'
why SOP" s
''See them three girls out there in a
hoate When three girls goes rowin' the
fish just pack up and slip OUT
'-iicw do YOU account for that?''
"'Cause girls makes such splashin'
and fuss and slam around SO that even
whale couldn't stand it. Hear 'em
There is = good deal in the PROPOSE
tion that girls ISLAM around some
under the conditions nominated, and n
man who takes any interest in human
nature can hoard a great deal OF infor-
nation by watching three women get
into small boat. First, there is a series
of squcals. supplemented by an edition
of wells. closing with an abrupt dive and
thea an effort 10 sit on the same seat,
and prolonged falsetto inquiries US to
WHY the thing tips over so. To the ay-
erare woman the center of gravity is
always over IN the next country when
she wants To get into boat and the
idea of equilibrium never enters into
her calculation, until the keel pops up
above the surface to see what's going
on inside. As for rowing. the girl Of
the period regards il from standpoint
peculiar Ia herself. and inclines Il the
opinion thai the oar blades were made
sharp because the wafer is hard and
digging the order of the day. aa
:. | claim that no woman can row n
boat, , continued the old man. .'Iou
see that girl shove one oar in the water
while She holds the other in the air. and
abuses the other two for not steering
straight But they get come up WITH"
be chucklcd The other day that
same parry was out ffshin' and they
caught one crab. The crab know'd
ibey was girls as soon rs he got in the
beat. and he Just opened his nippers
and them gals walked ashc-e / ketched
their boat about mile below and that
crab was sitting up on the midships
thwsrt waking st himself for his luck
and enterprise. and the old man bent
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1882-10-19
The Secret Of Beauty.

The secret of beauty is health. Those
who desire TO be beautiful should do all
they can to restore their health il they
have lost it. or to keep it if they have
it yet. No one can lay down specific
rules for other people in these matters.
The work which one may do. the rest
he must ia G. his baths, his diet. his ex-
ercise. are matters for individual con
sideration. but they must be carefully
thought OF and never neglected As Il
rule, when a person feels well he looks
well; and when he looks il, he feels i'll.
as a general thing. There are times
when one could guess. without looking
in the glass. that one eyes are dull and
ones Skin is notified This is not a ease
for something in pretty bottle from
the perfumers. or for the lotion that the
circulars praise SO highly. To have
fresh complexion and bright ewes. even
to have white hands and a graceful fig
ur, YOU must be well. Health, and the
happiness that usually comes with it,
are the true secrets of beauty. -Praaie
Farmer.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1882-10-19
Why He Didn't Explain.

Some eight or ten Years ago a silverv-
tongued chap who claimed to be fruit
tree agent swindled the farmers of this
county in shameful manner. and one
resident of Nankin was so mad about it
that he came to Detroit, searched the
rascal out. and gave him pounding on
the street. After he got through his
work he told the fellow that he would
Lick him twice As bad if he ever put ewes
on him again, and it was Il threat TO be
remembered and nursed. About three
weeks ago the Nankin man was travel
ing in Washtenaw County. and as he
icurneyed along the highway he met a
traveller who SO closely rcsembled the
fruit-tree swindler that he halted, and
called out:
Here you are again, you bold faced
rascalr'
"Yes. I'm here" was the calm re-
ply. -.
"Well. som l. and Tn going to lick
you until you can't hollcr. said I'd
do it, and l always keep my word.
Climb down here'' ll =
The stranger ''ojumh'' without pro-
test, shedding his coat rs he struck the
ground. and a fight began. In about
two minutes he had used UP the farmer
and was coolly replacing his coat
"See here said the man from Nan
kin. rs he wiped his nose with bur-
dock. '.you fight better than you did
eight years ago.
well. dunno. This is my first af-
fair with YOU 70 ~ sss
didn't l wallop You in front of the
Detroit Post-oiiice eight years ago?'
mo. sir. was in Australia up to q
year ago"
And You never saw me before?'
.Neverr' +s
And was never in Nankin?'
..Neverr'
"Well. IN be hanged! Come to look
AT you | can see that YOU are not the
mani Why on earth didn you explain.
or ask me to-? You must have thought
me mistaken" scr
''Oh. YES. knew you were mistaken:
but had Just discovered that I had
driven seven miles on the wrong road
and was wishing some one would come
along and give me two words of sass
l didn't want any explanations about
it, A rotten sweet apple will cure that
black eve in three or four days, and salt
and water will tighten your front teeth
in week or SO. j feel fifty per cent.
better, and I'm ever SO much Obliged.
So long to you:' DETROIT Free PrcsS.
tits an i'll wind that blows nobody
good was verified in the experience of
a Sumter County Georgia. farmer. who
says that all the ears of corn that were
pointed in the direction the wind came
from on Saturday night We're already
shocked when he got up ON Sunday
morning. The wind had blown the
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1882-10-19

"A gentleman. whose vocabulary
was mixed. wished to praise certain
lady reader Yes" said he, ..besides
being a very fine elocutionist, she has a
great deal OF ejaculation.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29
How 20 Read a Newspaper.

4 Louisville man, in letter t. the
'"m"r,":d, "f that city, gives The
following aa;vic.:
Every enlightened man can profit
ably read the daily paper, hut the
probability il that lw will MT unless
l.. reads systematically. Bya p"M
hal,t .: rc;..:n" lr will save 'i'u",
will .,; y "i,t!.y amount -! VS. :u' i,-
fov,ua ION, Mil :l'i-~ ho;hing Of the
v...... lr H." i"u:M.
Here. i, "nis.c> hot :i'.M the press
an.l r.ri"., y. -. printers ink. How
is III" v:,,,t. i -""' MOS, briefly (" In.
extracted i..n' your five ts::t invest
meat: The Lc-i beginning will he
made ~: first page. first c"'unin.
Don't w:r!r patiently, word hv w"ri
through :hi- nH--. :. large l':.it. low
ever u>c:!' t"'tlI"r;. m':-t 's WORTH
less (" y"". :'i,~,. consider earnest.
~ wl.y y"u rt:"!, what y"m wish 10
learn. lfv"i have Il l.,,>in"~>. as you
ought I" h,v''. fix firmly in n,.nd the
words Which will almost ini:,i-
l:blv n'',' ~ :" any article regarding
tina, :i.:n'--. lsv ,.:.u:.,, pastor,
et.... wil' -; ;vr ~" minister. Recall
t." n.S a:i,.,, .r'ii,ir:' and social
cvrn:< IN wairh !"u are in,tr'.-t'i.
c.n-.;'; -, !.ru:;n.. 81; ion" articles.
On fr',;.,,.,~ a. .hn:; a,ti.l,- omit
whn! n:t n'tr I'll" n,.""'t that
wnr!, my :"r :mraE. mrn.y n.av
H." la: you omit. With yoHr ratrl..
words in n.in.!. w..r!. for warning
.i.nals. 'T::. y. w." ''IhG
Fight. in y rara:r;al'h Lids the dis
erect n,rrr!'an, l' - "n. lse-Olutcly
avoid police reports. ~ 'rirrs, iii.
v,r,r... 1t pays I" kce" filth and
w;rkc.ln"-- out Of the mind. I.,avc
personalities to- g.ssirs. i"u will
hear from, your friends hy letter. u"
net neglect tho advertisements. they
often contain paying leads.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29
A Struggle For Life.

Among the f'ae-engeTs who besrl-
ed the tram ut Cheyenne was . tall.
slender y",nx fellow, a''"at - years
"f age. who had come up from lc"-
YER aud l.a.l been lat..l. slisch :r=cd
fron, u Lcsdvil!e hank, in which he
WI. assistant cashier. During the
evening he approached tho "',nduc
tssr Of the Pullman line and confitlsd
the TACT to him that he had bern OH
u PROLONGED spree and was afraid "f
himself and desired tO he watched:
Th. conductor replied that he him
ELI sat up till half past three O'Clock
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29
FALL OF A MOUNTAIN PEAK.
A Thousand Tons Of Rock Turn.
BILE laundering From q
Nevada CraH.

About II O'clock Thursday morn
ing the whole tOwn was startled L.; II
terrific ro::r an.l u jar like an earth
quake, which sent people flying out
Of their houses in all directions. 4
glance up the side Of Mount Olsen r.
vcalt,l the cause or tie phenomenon.
One Of the sharp peaks "f i"liatt,t:
gr,nite near III. summit. lo",.encal !,y
the late rains, ha.i torplc.! over and
Was r sl.i';g down Il steep rav;nc d.
rrclly toward the center Oi the town
with appalling force, crushing and
grinding everything In ii. hway.
For Il fcw moments It looked ;,s II
several louise. were d.Nsned tn iMev.
liable destruction, hut fortunately
the s;i.!c scattered :.nt! WITS checked
l.y th;. ta!Is ut Tie :,"': uf the c!iii..
causing i; t" stop >i.' IT of an, q: tnr.
buildings. One i:.s:,u:lse !"n:!,lrr.
weighing n"t h>> than fifty tons,
came down with !c:s:ii! "..!Mi.y
s;rik ing the rock bench :.':.:.' t.H u
breaking i; in II ;l:"u::n' fragments.
whicl. stopped Oh til" ii:t :, :,'w yards
from the China hO,l-c Oh Clark street.
During the progress of the slide cv-
crvl".ly WIS stricken with c"u>tcrna-
ti"n an.l many people sought safety
In will flight. One ent"rrrisiH9 sa.
loon-kcepcr struck cut t"wm the can
von On pressing |"'.inrss. milking
such haste that hc slipped TIC '"na>
"f the ru,;'. t,kim: IT., :;ru,- "t ;.n'
lake at Il Jump.
The editor -: Tie I.,I = went ont I"
try I" catch ;:.ii..s.'i a' .';:'-cri!"r
on ;I,- a.. On: !:..i: ",vr .crc.. Il
ami l'"'>,"! her .i... - :.,,r ia slide
OUT. while an..:!yr RAN "rr.-- tn.
street :.r! ,';i!ni::t Il plank ri"c :"r
: ..,v.ty. 'i::r ,",r.l ..layrr- III j:..k
N.'rr,.'> ..,l'. ~ LEI! wii!l.u: W:.;tn..
:" call for i!n:r tii inks. ~; ur niin::
the game. an,! struck for TIE lead Os
the canyon at ::,:::.s' gait. Altogether
the excitement ran as :::.l, fora few
minutes a> It did in the pr"uslext
time 0f IN" snow slides last winter. II
, is estimated at least .i's, "r ..,MO tons
Of r,n.k came down thc sli,le.-IIom.
er, New Asdtx.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29
o1lG1RAL H1AURnoARD M
B0YPT.
How Ho Lost the Appointment 20
Command the Xhodivo's
Army.

Special 10 The World.
WAsHlx0TOx, July IA story
Published in Baltimore to-day that
Georgc H. Butler, the nephew Of
General Butler, while e. nsul-licncr-
III to Egypt in 1870, prevented the ap-
pointment Of General DcauregarI to
the COnluauder-iu-clliefOf Of the f. 80
tian army il confirmed by Mr.. hut
Ter. The Baltimore story puts It that
yr. ButlO represented to the Khe-
dive that Beauregarti was an unpslr-
tloned rebel who, having BETRAYED
his own country, might not hesitate
upon occasion to betray the Ki'c.livc.
General lIeauregartl's designation OF
General Butler as .::u outlaw for lis
war acts was supposed to IL the ami
mus that moved Mr.. Butler. who
says, regarding the affair: II was on
friendly terms with His lIighaess. ): Is
mail Pasl,a, then the khetlive. antl
hc took my advice in the matter. My
action went no farther than friendly
counsel, aud did not, Of cour-e, take
the forM Of official action. l would
have aided the appointment If such
- n.an y. Jne johnson or General
Gordon. but. frankly, there wasn't
ruonn in Egypt for Beauregard aud
Egypt ut the same time. Besides, the
l<hcdive had already one really good
American field general in ni.. service,
who saved his army In its disastrous
Ahyssinian campaign, General To-
ring. Rahib Pasha commanded tic
army, but I.oring saved 1t when
King John had almost crushed 1t.
Loring was u distinguished Confeti-
crate soldier and formerly the colonel
III our regular mounted rifles, now
the Third Cavalry, before the war.
The insinuatiOn that my action In
<,ine:c'.ing Dsauregard was prompt
ri Ly sertiOnali-m IL entirely an a~-
sumption. I kept General H"aurc-
gard out of Egyptian gold Lace am:
because l considered him ~.
eminent mistake.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29
LAKBSlDD NUSI NoS.

Caieayo Tribune.
Tie Canon Of the Sec TOurnay,
France, has been arrested In New
York for stealing s3iO, 40 Of church
funds. THIS Canon Is evidently y
sou a > gun.
A AWashington dispatch says that q
bill has been introduced In Congress
ITO prevent the rol'l,inx Of veterans
1t the Soldiers Home" It had nus
heretofore been supposed that Con-
gce@s,nen were i" the haLit Of visit
ing the Home.
a hoy named Erwry, at Michigan
City, who had been suffering terribly
from an attack "f hytlropi,obia, was
lately relieved hy smoking cigars.
Chicago boys who smoke and are ii:'-
bic to get licked for it should paste
this item on their pants.
The New York Times says that
.'o,,e-l,alf Of the martial infelicisy In
the world Is due to the wi:e's inabili-
t. to comprehend her husbands lit
tic wants O4 70 q stubborn Or malig.
nant temper whicl, leads her felil'cr-
ately to oppose the qualification Of
hi. Wishes" The fuss That sOn,e
men make about not getting night
kew II siMp)y wonderful.
4 (,oa.iantinopIe dispatch aays
that ''eonsi,lerabIs surprise h express
ed that 0eoesal Wallace, the AR,esi-
can Minister, mas again been SUM.
moned 10 the palace. General Wal
lace attends the palace almost d.ily.
General Wallace ha. also frequent in.
t.rviews with Lord D.l;l:rin." re
gentleman in charge -; the cable ev.
idc.,tly dl:xs n"t un'lcnstand that
,hn'c ;ns'p:s can play Joker just u.
we:! . six.
Prince Yi<:,,ar..k'S recent appear
aii... in the Grrns.,n capital wa~ ("
brief duration Aim .st Immediately y
after the great debate on the TUi,acct
Monopoly nilI he packed up his bax
gage, aud, with his wifi. sou and
privy counselor. departed Hr Varzin
In P.,n,eranis. where lie will r..,,,,is
;; until i.ll. with the l-'ssi''le ex,ci:i i.i
! Of l6esalghe's saav at Teplitz.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29

Yes, I'm Mrs. Snow, an editors
wife. we'll remember the day when
Mr.. Snow asked me to become hts
wife, and thinking II would Ike
a fine thin. to he the wife o! ~ ed+
tor, said ''yes," - psrtty ~ I know
how, and I Lecan,e Ms. Snow. I
have seen ten years Of married ~. and
iipd my husband I" Be ~ aniable
good naturei man. He always
spends his evenings at home, and Is
In that respect = ,nctlel man; but he
always brings home = pile u ex-
changes which IL only limited BY the
length cf his arms, and he rtaals
while I patch the knees and elLows
"f his pantaIoons and coat: After We
had . Quaker meeting Of an hours
length, 1 broke the stiffness ~ ask
Mg:
"Mr. SNOW, did you or.i. that
eosi spoke to you atout::"
What did yoa ssy, NY deaf7" he
asks, after \ minutes silence.
Ibid you order that coal I spoke to
you about::''
"Iudecd, my Gear, I am sorry, but
| forgot all abont II. 1t shall Come
ta,-morrow."
Another hours silence, which y n
ii..ved I,y the l,.hy's crying, and "a
ther liking = noise Of that sort !
mode no effort tn quiet him.
MY dear" says Mr. Snow. after
he has cried minute or ~, "iOn
hail better give the baby sa'me cat"il'
ten {" quiet him; lie l'other. n,t:"
The is.'.y IL still. AmMhcr hour
ma ~ without u brsalh of noise. ke-
.,n,,ing tired. I tax. n lamp and r-
,jr.. Tor the night. leaving Mr.. SNOW
-, engage d ~ ish l'k pal'ers alaae be
.l.x,. nue see nse l...ve ti'e sO",a. r''-
warl midnight he comes to hesi. and
l,,., ~ Ii. l.a.l ,a!:cn ".l..p tie s"'H
.:.k.~ ~ n..;"m I" rrs again. ! rise 49,
,u,c;i, n p.~~iL'e slssi Try 10 >tii'
mim,. Then aMtl,sr l~I.y les,ins tn
srr.unI vi tie ts,i. M his lungs.
! Their. II 10 other csNlr>e but tO wake
Nj. Sn"w, ~ say:
MIR $nOA! Mr.. SnUw:"
T.w Ia ri ll.sse !se st1Sts NJ Ind
vs.S., &" ~ All, tOsii, Aassse <>'py:'
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29
EL.E0RAMo


1OSnOx, July 3.-The Most Rev.
Grand Patrick Tslsen, Archbishop ol
('l,icsAgo. will 10 eleeied cardinal II
the next cs'usistogy.
In the COsalInOns an . :dTe0 thank.
ing the Queen Ios cAli:sg out The
reserves, w~s. approved without
division.
LONDON, July 96.-At Goodwood
the Suarex stakes were won by
Compile Alfred battlefield, second ;
I)utcl, Oven. third.
DuBLIN; July s8.-The weather In
Ireland has improved considerably
during the past few days, though the
ln'tato hight has appeared In badly
drained ground. There h . splendid
crop in most parts Of the country.
Hon. Franc,s Fitzgerald, Baron oi
Exchequer, Ireland, finally resigned
the ONCE owing to an objection to
the duties imposed upon him under
tNe Ieks5e90SOQ O31D.
LONDON, July 8.--The Nsys says
that the statement that Turkey con-
sented to send troops TO Egypt Is mis-
leading. The Porte has not recog
mixed the appropriateness Of the su.-
gestions to send troops and now pro-
l,s.e- to discuss cOntlitiOsns under
which they shall Be sent, . procea,
which Il carried out In accordance
with Turkish notions of diplomacy
might occupy six month.
ALEXANDRIA, July 9.-The Brit
ish mined the railway e,nl,anknlent
ut Ramleh - . precautiOn.
PErERsBCRo, Va, July &.-Judge
Weisingcr ovcr.ruled the ,,soaion to
dissolve the injunction restraining the
auditor from paying t.Ie Readjsster
city "Gieisls.
A detective ~ the Irish c0nstabula.
~ will be sent tO Caracas tv res,ejve
O'Bricn. held % s,sspici0a VI Ls.ing
one of the uurderers vi Lord Frederic
CavesDdish.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29
Sudden White Hair.

When the Emperor Leopold was
about to make his grand entry into
Vienna, the old sexton Of st. Jo.
seplPs cathedral was much troubls.tl
in his mind. Upon such occasions II
had been his custom tn lake his stand
on the ,hnnacle Of the tower and
wave flag a. the Imperial! pageant
rasresi by; but he felt that age had 81
weakened his nerve that he dared not
again attempt the leriious perform
ouce. After thinking the matter
over he concluded that lie must find
a substitute; and knowing his pretty
daughter had plenty Of stalwart suit.
or, the old man publicly snn"uncetl
that the man wh"cWiId TAX, his place
successfully s!:",Il.l ln his son-in.law.
To- his in:cn~" disgust. the offer WIS
ut once accepted ty Gabriel Peter
sl!.iI,. i:I~ s:ryia! aversion, am! the
-" ci;l favc:i. Of thr girl, w:,O saw
not with her la:!.cr's eyes. On the
appointed day, Vienna Opened lis
gates to the new-nl:.tl' Emperor; hut
it was evening, or elise upon cvcE-
ing, when the young tag l'carer well
COZ cd the procession ir' M st. Jo-
sepl,'s tower. His task performed,
Gabriel would have descended from
the airy height, l.ut :ound l1is way
l,arrcd. Two wretci,cs lad dome the
trcachcrUus .cxi"n's bidding, and
closed the trip door oftl'e uTptrs'ai.-
way, leaving the Deavc youth to
cl,oose between precipitating him ;elt
to. the pavement below, "r clinsing
the cold night through to the slender
splre, viii, Tut ten inches If foot
hold. lie cl.o=c possible lie to Ger
tain death; but when rescue came
with tile morning, his eye, were
s,,nken and .!in,, his cheeks were ycl-
low and wrinklcd, and his curly
locks rs white Il. SHOW. Gabriel Pc
ter>beim hail won hi. bride Mt a fear
full ct,st. ./Durn0i.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29

some parts cf the state, notably b
the nosthern tie eeen will u . telel
failurs except ne lbddes. Weeds,
tnserred by vet cold weather, hsviag
ehoksd the IN, tie crop will b
about one-third of IN average. Insll
parts ofthe State the pro aiss = fss
an enormous yield Of oats aod excel.
lent rye. In Iowa harvesting b
more forward, and corn b improving
very rapidly. Otherwise the eossdi.
tioa of crops In the two states =
nearly identical. Chiach baop have
appeared, bat too lAte to Do damage.
Abaut ope-shiSd of . crop u corn h
expected and Ane weather for three
Or four weeks may secuse It from
frost and make the yield consider
ably larger. There u not ~ ua-
favorable feature IN the crop, which
will be enormous all over the State.
In Wisconsin the wbeat crop b
best for many yeas. Some Of It has
r,pensd too much and there b some
rust bat these are ineidental, not
general defects. Harvest viii soon
be under way an over the State
Nearly al grain y we'll headed; corn
will be aSoat half . crop; the low
lands have been too vet. Oats win
bc the heaviest crop In the history of
the State. Rye viii 30 . good csop.
hut developes slowly. Barley, tito.
Illinois presents no different features
from any other State. Wheat In
Dakota 10 magnificent, the erop de-
velnping rapidly, though generally
backward. Oats very heavy.
The semi-weekly miner., 1882-07-29

WASHINGTON, July B.-As s0ou
- the routine order Of business w~'
dispdsed Of Hale moved to postpone
all present and prior orders, including
the revenue bill, and take up the M
val appropriation bin. A iona dis
cushion ru.sed In which the nsotiou
wss construed on both sillss o( the
chambers - lsving the effect to dt''
ps.. az the subject Of revenues and
taxation f:.s the session, and to taeiIi'
tate . psobahle adjournment In the
course Of = few days.
COnger, frssm the Committee on
CONNER =, reported svofably ths
House bill 10 regulate the carriage ol
l,asscngers by sea. Laid over.
Saratoga Hotels.
Every one of the large hotels ut
Saratoga hrs broken down under IT.
csn.t, and heen r'orxnnizetl AMI
thought out. They consequently
stand In general at mucl, le.s fixed
charges than are surprised. doubt
if the interest an tie b0Di)s ut the
Quite ssate~ Hotel IL - much ~
$5.0O. aihonxh the property may
have cs,st originally 81. .0O, ,0o0. The
la,nds ar~ mainly In the hands ef the
hotel men. and sonse Of the other
tn,ndln,'slcrs lsought out large pest
of their interest COnGrrss Hal was
purchased for an exceedingly small
sum of money, cs,nsidesing the cost
i.y Mr.. William Clement Of Cincin-
natl, who b . native Of eAEatoga, and
xon,e ssy 1t b the best piece Of hotel
pr,,perty IN summer In the United,
s3,stcs. The Grand Union Hotel b
without = v'eer In the world, and its
inmkeeper, Mr. Clair, fully under
stands his business. and acts es)y
for Mn. Stewart. whose property THU
still h. 1t wouli be aln,ost an injm-
~ to the travelling public to see her
estate ceaAe to hold thi. property. ~
It would be . load even for comli
nation Of hntelkeerers to carry It Il
there should be . few unfavOrabSe
yearx.-G0fh.