Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1882-09-14
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

This world is tally-ho coach, and
the man who blows the horn attracts the
most attention.-W Whitehall Times.
AT a dinner given by Mrs. John
Jacob Astor at Newport recently, roses
were banked up three feet high on her
table. The hash was also excellent
". o. PjcGyufae.
1t is now vexed question whether
a town should be named after a base
ball club, or vice versa. A town which
won't change its name to honor club
must be a stupid place.-DetrOit Free
Press.
California well-diggers have dis
covered trees standing upright at dis
lance of sixty feet below the surface.
There are no harvest apples on them
Burlington Ha10k-Eye.
Said Mrs. Gallagher: ''I think it is
wrong to make these soda fountains SO
shiny, white and dazzling. They don't
trouble me, but I've observed that my
husband can never look at one without
winking." -Brooklyn Eagle.
-"Where are you going, anyhow"
asked an irate conductor on the Central
Pacific the other day of cheat whom
he had kicked off FIVE or six times, but
who always managed to get on again
Just as the train started. s'WeH," said
the fellow quietly, Pm going to Chi
cago, if my pants hold out. - Chicago
Tribune.
Johnny" said the teacher, ga lie
can be acted as well as told. Now, if
| your father was to put sand in his sugar
and sell it, he would be acting lie and
doing very wrong" That's what
mother told him. said Johnny, impetu-
ously, land he said he didn't care. -
Wheeling Journal.
"A young lady having ''set her cap"
for rather large specimen of the oppo,
site sex and having failed to win him,
was telling her SORROWS to couple Of
her confidantes when one of them COM
forted her with these words: ''Never
mind, Mollie, there are as good fish in
the sea as ever was caught" ''Mollie
knows that" replied her little brother,
''but she wants whale. "-BrchGnge.
"A Connecticut boy in California is
capable of drawing very fine distinc-
tons. His father gave him permission
to pluck one of the ripe peaches. The
boy did pluck one, and then he bent the
branch, gnawed all the fruit off the 9th
er and left the pit hanging to the stem
upon which it grew. His powers of cir
HlBuOuO SoFSu
him from casigation.
Father" began the boy as he
looked up from his First History, ''are
silver mines very fresh?'' ssFresh!
What do you mean?'' 'sWhy, they have
to put salt on 'em to make 'em keep,
don't they?'' 'sWhat nonsensei Idon' t
understand you.'' ''Well, heard some
men in the car say that you salted a
silver mine and made q hundred thou
sand dollars; and wanted to ask what
the salt was for.'' The way that boy
was hustled of to bed made him dream
of cyclones all night Wall Street NeoOs.
WANT to buy . mule?'' queried a
farmer of country editor. mo; what
the deuce do I want of a mulep'' asked
the astonished paste manipulator.
ssWeIl, - replied the granger, 81 seed an
item Ia your paper last week which said
that you wished folks wouldn't talk tt
you so much through your tellyfome, a
you had only one pair Of ears; so
thought I'd fetch down another pair anG
then you'd have q team. When ths
farmer got outside and dug the paste oul
of his left ear he felt thankful that b
wasn't mule--M T. Commercial id
Vsrtiser.