davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Ohildren's Droll Sayings.

Children's remarks are at times even
more entertaining than their comical
queries and replies.
One of two children who were anus
ing themselves by coloring pictures sud-
denly exclaimed
''Well, how stupid of you to paint
that COW bluen'
''Oh, its blue with the coldr' quickly
observed the other. Don't you see it
is winter, and the poor thing is most
frozenp''
A little girl on being told something
which greatly amused her, said that
she would remember it the whole of her
life, and when she forgot it she would
write it down."
A canary had begun to twitter little
after moulting, but was unable to sing
it's entire tune. A little four-year-old,
after listening to one of the birds vain
attempts to master his tune, said very
composedly, ''Mamma, birdie forgot the
other half of the verse;
Canaries bring to mind their enemies,
the cats. a gentleman had cat which
had five kittens. On ordering three of
them to be drowned, his little boy
said,-
'.Pa, do not drown them in cold wa
ter. Warm it first; they may catch
cold"
A relative of the writer's crossing the
Channel when he was very small boy,
suffered much from sea-sickness. Hear
ing good deal of talk on board about
the motion of the steamer, he confident
ly informed his parents on landing, that
if he bought boat, he wouldn't have
any motion to it,
The following remark of little girl
shows an opinion of her elders the re-
verse of fiattering.
''Oh dearr' she exclaimed to her doll,
81 do wish you would sit still. l never
saw such an uneasy thing in all my
life. Why don't you act like grown
folks, and be still and stupid for a
while?'
In contrast to this was the delicate
compliment paid to his mother. The
family were discussing at the supper
table the qualities which go to make up
the good wife. Nobody thought the lit
tie fellow had been listening or could un-
derstand the talk, until he leaned over
the table and kissed his mother, and
said,-
Mamma, when get big enough, I'm
going'to marry q lady just exactly like
you.n n-ChriStjan at Work.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
How TO Smell nSnlliuan.,'

The Milwaukee City Directory con-
tains variety of strange names. A
canvasser relates that while collecting
names for the directory he met q wo-
man who spoke a bad mixture of Polish
and German, said that her name was
Sullivan. From appearances and sur
roundings the canvasser thought there
surely must be some mistake and asked
her to spell her name. She replied that
she could not, but had an envelope on
which it was written and on getting it
the canvasser read: "Czalawzcvancz.n
Now he thinks there are more ways than
one of spelling Sullivan. A West Side
cooper named Ernst Schemmelpfenning
has the distinction of owning the long
est name in the book, the surname con-
tanning sixteen letters, almost an alpha
bet. Frank Czyz probably has the most
peculiar name. Olaf fPiczszkinzwowskz
is not an ordinary title. 1t is said that
there is q Polack in the First Ward
whose name contains eighteen conso-
nants and makes full line of print
with several letters hanging over at each
side, but his name does not appear in
the book.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
The Man Who Oircled.

A Young man of %, built like an OK
and full of ambition, came in on one OF
the popular excursions to Detroit says
the Free Press, and while idling around
the Central Market caught sight of a apo-
hceman about half as big as himself.
He was instantly taken with an itching
to try conclusions, but having grain
of prudence in his head he inquired of a
stall-keeper:
Suppose l should walk up to that of
ficer and tell him could lay him on his
back-what would he doP' --------~-----
Tell you to move on.
''Then suppose 1 circled around and
came down on him and offered to bet
that l could stand him on his head?''
He'd probably give you another
chance to clear out"
'.Well, I'm aching to try him on, and
rll begin now"
He didn't lose a minute in walking up
to the officer and asserting his belief
back.
You move onr' placidly replied the
officer.
The Young man took circle around
and came back with the information
Lndt Ho COltlu pICh tllC piuO SOib e'AANt
make his heels kick the air.
Il tell you to go away from men' ex-
claimed the officer as he walked on.
The young man sailed off again, and
at the end of ten minutes a row was
heard at the further end of the market.
People rushed down to see the officer
wolloping the buffer over the empty
benches and rubbing his back on the
floor, and the handouts had just been
snapped on when the stall-keeper came
up and asked:
"Well, have you got through circling
around?"
Say! what fool wasn' replied the
young man. You told me how the
first and second bluffs would work, and
durn my buttons if l didn't forget to ask
about the third! Why, L hadn't finish
ed telling him that didn't want over
fifteen seconds to turn him wrongside
out and sell him for pulp when he
knocked a barrel to pieces with my
heelsn'
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Fiokle Fashion.

In cutting up an oak tree in Maine
says the Milwaukee San, lock of red
hair was found SO far inside the tree
that it is estimated the hair was put in
the tree 24O years ago. 1t was proba-
bly, cut off and put in there by sensi-
tive girl when red hair was out Of style,
and q red-haired girl was laughed at
and twitted about the sanguinary color
of her head covering. We are not 240
years old, but can remember when a
red-headed girl was burden to herself,
because her hair gave her away. A
young man had to have a good deal of
independence who would escort a red
haired girl anywhere, and the girls in
variably became old maids. 1t would
have been picnic to those girls if they
could have lived about these days, when
girl with beautiful red hair is consid-
cred about the sweetest flower in ma
ture's garden. NoW-fhat we remember
it, the red-haired girls always were
good-looking and smarter than chain
lightning, and it is confounded shame
they didn't come into style years ago.
They are not cutting off their hair and
burying it nowadays.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

81 do" returned Uncle Ed, quietly,
as he assisted her to alight.
Your cried Isabel, with at least
three exclamation points after the word.
Mrs. Damon stopped short On the car
riage steps to say
'.Is it possible, Edward?''
Eyes, it is even so," returned Uncle
Ed, smiling. Come, Ruthie dear, this
is the home have brought you to; let
us go in, and see how you like it.''
The surprised party followed him
through the grounds to the door, where
they were admitted by q neat colored boy.
''Good-morning, john" said Uncle
Ed. Here is your new MISTRESS pre-
senting Ruth" as John bowed low, af-
ter the manner OF a polite darkey, to
welcome the young lady.
t'Ihe rooms are all in order, John?"
asked Uncle Edward.
Eyes, sah," replied John.
every well, we will take look at
them. Come, ladies'
He led them through lofty rooms,
most elegantly appointed, pausing ut
last in Ruth's own chamber, lovely
room, all soft drab, blue and silver, and
fit for a queen or lady.
"And here" he said, opening anoth-
er door into a room furnished with rose
color, sis room for your sisters, when
they may choose to come and stay with
you. know you don't like to climb
stairs"
But-but-Edward," said Mrs. Da-
mon, who was the first to recover her
voice, 1--WE are astonished beyond meas
ure. l thought you said you had only
made little out yonder."
Uncle Ed smiled.
''Well, did make a little, Maryland
l never was given much to Dragging,
you know. Beside, had fancy to see
whether Uncle Edward poor and Uncle
Edward rich were to be considered the
same. You have all been kind''-Mrs.
Damon WINGED little, for she knew it
had only been a plying sort of kind
ness-'and my little Ruthie, here, most
of all, for she has come to make my
home bright. III take good care of her
and give her a hundred dollars a month
for pocket money; and when she mar
ries intend to settle twenty thousand
dollars on her for wedding present.
Isabel sank down in chair. speech
less with astonishment, while Mrs. Da-
mon exclaimed
Goodness gracious! l can hardly be-
lieye it yet, Edward"
You'll get used to it, Mary Now,
Ruthie dear, take gour sister to your
room and take off her things. Mary,
you and Isabel must stay all day; will
send you home in my carriage"
Little Ruth, as she moves happily
about ''poor Edward's'' magnificent
home, feels very happy. She was kind,
generous and honest, and now she has
her reward
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
A Philanthropist Dished,

1t was pathetic incident: The elder
ly gentleman was walking down Tenth
street when the wall of a tender youth
who had fallen on the sidewalk and
broken the crockery in his dinner-pail
smote upon his ear. ''Never mind my
little lad; are you much hurt?" asked
the benevolent graybeard. mo, sir,
I'm rot hurt" replied the youngster.
Then why do you cry?" Because FL
git licked when [ go home" ''Well,
well, my boy; go and buy another plate
and cup, and your mother won't know
the difference" said philanthropy, as
he handed the lad silver token. The
boy took up the money, but set up a
more dismal howl than before. 'Tll
get licked all the same e-boo-hoom
''Why SOP" asked the Interested gentle
man. "Cause you only give me ten
cents, and the sucker l picked up yes
terday give me tiftyn' The venerable
philanthropist strobe along musing.-
2hiLadclphiG Record.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Reckoning Him Up,

A Western engineer tells the follow
ing story which happened i'll his own
experience
''Once the train stopped to get wood
and water at small station in Indiana.
While this operation was going on, l
observed two groen-loo&ing eountrymen
in 'homespun' curiously inspecting the
locomotive, and occasionally giving vent
to expressions Of astonishment. Final
" one OF them looked up and said,-
g Stranger, are this a locomotive?'
g Certainly it is replied. Did you
never see one before?
No, haven't never seen one. Me n
Bill came to the station tonight on
purpose. Them's the b'iler, amt it?''
'' Yes
What yer call that yer in?''
This is the cab
and this big wheel?"
g That's the driving-wheel.'
Is And that big thing on the top is
the chimbley, suppose?'
i" Precisely
g BE you the engineer-the man what
runs the machine?'
I am
''After eying me closely q minute, the
man said to his mate,-
- Il say, Bill, it don't take much of Q
man to be an engineer
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

He Corcuared

Congregations are often brought to
the brink of an explosion of mirth with
out knowing it. Such was the case in q
Hartford church, recently. The godly
and eloquent pastor was in the midst of
his powerful discourse. The large con-
gregation hung upon his lips as he
moved up to the climax of his argu-
ment. He, himself, was deeply absorb
ed in his work, as his ringing voice and
forcibie action showed.
just then he somehow became aware
Of q distraction near at hand, and,
glancing obliquely, espied a colossal
wasp perched upon his left shoulder. A
second glance was conclusive. The
wasp was bridling and humping HIM
self in manner that meant mischief.
He was in no haste, but, as if knowing
his advantage, he leisurely performed
those agile and ominous gymnastics
which are the preparations and signals
of assault. He would torment the help
less minister before stabbing him. All
this the parson comprehended with con-
cealed terror, meanwhile pushing along
the vigor of his speech, and keeping up
the boom of his discourse.
Mysterious is the complex movement
of the human mind. Futile was the in
timidation, fugacious the hope, vain the
plan, fatal the delay of that wasp. Pro-
crastination and pride were his destruc-
ton. An inspiration seized the parson,
now working double lines of thought.
His plan was formed and executed with
such rapidity and success that the
congregation were ignorant of the
splendid strategy. Raising his voice to
an unwonted strain, he swung his right
arm around to that left shoulder, pluck
ed the astonished wasp therefrom,
placed him upon the desk. and, shout
ing in stentorian tones, Eyes, my be-
loved hearersr brought his clenched
fist down upon that precise spot where
on his enemy lay with an energy that
made the big Bible leap, raised a cloud
Of dust from the cushion, and carried
complete conviction both to the body OF
the wasp and the minds and hearts of
the spell-bound congregation. 1t was
the climax of his discourse. So instan-
taneously was the manGuvre executed
that no one detected the real occasion
of it, and the edited hearers remarked
to one another, as they left the church,
the uncommon earnestness and vigor of
their beloved pastors delivery that day.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
A 9tronr Pu11


The following occurs in a recent in
terview with Rufus Hatch:
Reporter suppose can write you
down as an unqualified "bulr' on the
country, at least.
Mr.. Hatch-Why, I can not be any
thing but a ''bulr' when | look at this
country, its growth, and possibilities.
In the first place, it comprises within its
limits every shade of climate suitable
for every creature of the earth; it Is
capable of producing everything or any
thing that man need to eat, OF wear,
or use. And then the growth of the
country is marvellous. When l went to
Chicago in 1850 it had population of
.29,963; in 1860 the population had in
creased to 112, 172; in 1870 it numbered
28S, ,977, and in 1881 the statistics show
a population of 575, 900.
The growth of Chicago is but q sam
pie of all the other towns, cities, coun-
ties, and states west OF the Allegheny
mountains-and it has all happened
within my business knowledge. When
l went to Chicago in 1850 there were
only forty-two miles of railroad west OF
the lakes. It was called the Galena
railroad, and was an old-fashioned strap
rail running from Chicago to Elgin. 1t
may be interesting for you to know that
was one of a corps of engineers that
did the first days work that was ever
done on a railroad in Wisconsin. |
held on to the hind end of the chain and
stopped it at the hundred-foot stake.
That is the way commenced engineer
ing. And at that time l Travelled over
hundreds of miles of country without 2
house on it, where it is now thickly set
tied with farms, villages, and cities.
No man can visit the east, west, south
west, and northwest without returning
''bull." | travelled about five thous-
and miles in the west in May, and saw
enough to convince me that an advance
in the stock market would take place.
The decline has taken place, and a
large majority of stocks are liable to
improve; indeed the boom has already
commenced.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Moonlight or Morning!
CELESTE NJ. A. wINSLOw.

Feebly light creepeth in at the easement,
Doubtful if yet it shall lingor or flee,
Ctasping nights tendrils with dim interlace-
ment,
Waking dull, dreamy wonder in me;
Is 1t the moon, in the wide west delaying,
Sending faint, f1icSering farewells ere Straying,
Or, the first rays for new days adOrning?
Ah, drowsy night, is it moonlight or morning2
Into my heart shines a brightness uncertain
Youths dreams are dim, and the skies over
cast.
Is it ghostly hand lifting times curtain,
Bringing pale beams from the moon of my
past?
Or a fresh joy bursting forth into sweetness,
Weakening wan life to u new days complete
ness
Golden beams, chasing lost silver with scorn-
ing,
Tell me, Oh, love, is it moonlight or morning?
Softly light stealeth over my spirit,
Pressing the dusk of drear sorrow away;
Is some rare earth-joy returning to cheer it.
Filling my soul with prayer for delay?
Or, a far-glmmering CLEAN of new glory,
Passing the light of earth's moon-silvered
story
Rays of remote bliss, in beautiful warming;
Say, watching soul, is it moonlight or morn
ing?
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

The books of the New Testament were
originally writtenin the Greek language.
and at different periods of time, ranging
from 55 A. d. to SO A. D.
They were of course in manuscript
form, written on parchment or vellum;
and of the most ancient manuscript only
five are known to be in existence at this
time.
The Alexandrian Manuscript, named
from the place where it was found, and
written in the fifth century, and now in
the British Museum.
The Vatican Manuscript, named after
the Pope's palace, and written in the
fourth century. 1t was taken from
Rome to Paris by the first Napoleon, but
having been returned it is now very zeal
ouslv guarded in the Vatican Library.
The Ephraem Manuscript, written by
Syrian divine named Ephraem in the
fourth century, and now in the Nation
al Library at Paris.
The Beza Manuscript, named after
its discover and owner, and written in
the sixth century.
The Sinaitic Manuscript, named from
being discovered in the Convent of St
Catharine on Mt. Sinai. 1t was written
IN the fourth century, ana Is now IN tno
Imperial Library at st. Petersburg, the
capital of Russia.
From these manuscripts, none OF
them, however, being complete, differ
ent versions were made, at different
times, such as the Syriac, Egyptian.
Memphitic, Thebaic, Gothic, Armenian,
Persian, Ethiopian, Greek and Latin, so
named on account of the language into
which, or the place where, they were
translated.
All of the Bible, including the Old
and New Testament, was translated in
to the Latin Vulgate in the year 4O5,
this being the only authentic version.
according to the Roman Catholic Church.
and from this and other versions the
English versions were made.-N d.
ITue6lOod IN CHI istidp Worker.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Gildower Wasn't in Kissing Humor.

Fido had been out for an afternoon
walk on Kearney street. He had been
inquiring into the bottom facts Of the
business of all other dogs. He had also
been interviewing telegraph poles and
lamp-posts as to who of his canine
friends had called there that afternoon.
Gildower Gillpenny was on his way to
see the lovely Arabelly Anchoyia. He
overlook Fido, the petted pet of the pet
ted heiress. They both arrived at the
palatial~ residence at the same moment.
They were both tfshered into the charm
ing presence by the same 1ackey. After
a sweet smile for Gildower she rushed
for Fido and imprinted kiss after kiss
on the little pets nose. Then turing
to the palpitating young man she saia,'
''Now, Gildower, kiss your birdie"
The young man stood dazed for q mo-
ment; but, summoning up all the cour"
age OF his ancient race, he struck an at
titude and said, ''Not tonight. Ask me
not why. 1t is strange fancy. But l
must leave. Adieu! adieun' and he left
the astonished maiden. Francisco
Call,
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
The Case Was Settled,

In breach of promise suit in Mon
tana not long ago the plaintiff said that
the defendant having clearly understood
the date fixed for the wedding had fail
ed to appear on that important day. He
she being angry had set the dogs on
him. The defendant admitted that
day had been named for the ceremony,
and further said that he had intended to
be present as per agreement.
Then said the Judge, ''why did
you not appear?"
well, Judge, the fact is, was treed
by bear all day and night and couldn't
possibly get away in time.n
The case was dismissed a few mo-
ments later and Miss Plaintiff became
Mrs. Defendant.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
A Fair Trade,

1t is related that at a country place
where L. w. Parsons. the poet, spends
much time, he was called upon one day
by stranger, who said:
Il am Prof -"
"Ah, professor of what?" asked Mr..
Parsons.
Professor of essences. Now, here; l
amt got much time to talk it over, but
you see-well, l kinder lost my wife
three months ago and am going to have
stone; you just kinder write me off
something to the point and rn pay you
in-essences; got all kinds-checker-
berry, sassafras, peppermint" and he
proceeded to unveii his wares.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

Already there are evidences that those
persons were right who looked for
large increase in the exports from Italy
to Germany Of game, fruits and vegeta-
bles as a consequence of the opening of
the St. Gothard Railway. One large
firm alone has just concluded with the
railway q contract for 500 carloads of
game and vegetables during the present
season. Cherries and other fruits from
beyond the Alps have already in large
quantities found their way into Southern
Germany,
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Il Was the T.amnn

A man recently fell down on Warren
street. He was large individual, and
took up lots of the sidewalk, and by
stander thought it the proper time to be
funny.
'How did you come to fallP" he in
quired. ''On bit of lemon
Eyes, sir; on bit of lemon,'' replied
the corpulent one.
But see no lemon" replied the fun
ny man.
''Well, who said you couldP" savage
ly roared the large Individual as he got
up and busted himself off with his hand
kerchief; Can any one see the lemon
in half-a-dozen cocktails, say?"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

A petroleum pipe line constructed
from the Couban oil territory over the
Caucasus Mountains to Novoroszisk
harbor, on the Black Sea coast, was
opened on May q. This line of pipe,
which is 105 miles long, can deliver ev-
cry day not less than 100000 pounds
of petroleum.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

The full term of three years had near
ly expired, and they were discussing at
the breakfast table the certainty that
they must move, and the uncertainty
as to where, when the young miss of
the parsonage drew heavy sigh. ooh,
l WAS thinking what mistake mother
and made when we married a Metho-
dist ministerr'
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Giants in These DAYS,

j. II. Reichart, of Friedburg, whose
father and mother were both giants, was
s feet 3 inches in height. Gilly,
Swede, exhibited in the early party of
the nineteenth century, was s feet high.
Loushkin, the Russian giant, and drum
major of the Imperial Guards, measured
8 feet 5 inches. Maximilian Miller, the
Saxon giant, was 8 feet; his hand meas
ured y inches, and his foreiinger was
inches long. Among other giants in
real life, but who are now dead, the fol
lnMino NAV he mont innnh.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

Michael Davitt sensibly says: II be-
lieve in only one species of dynamite,
and that is moral dynamite, explosion
by the force of ideas. which spills no
blood. but mows down despQtism m al
parts Of the worlds -tss'sss :E'''', NY"
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24
Chang, the Chinese piant. is 7 fe

inches high. James Gilbert, q mulatto
of Chatham, N. c., who travels with
Barnum's show, is Z feet Undoubted-
ly the most wonderful of living giants is
Captain Bates, the Kentuckian, who
now resides on a farm near Seville,
Ohio, when he is not on exhibition; and
Mrs. Bates is the most colossal of the
giantesses. The Captain is 81 years of
age, weighs 526 pounds, is Z feet II
inches high, measures 20 inches around
the chest, and wears No. 10 hat, 30
inch collar and II boot. Mrs. Bates
tips the scale at 4S0 pounds, is 81 years
old and as tall as her husband, and
sports silk dresses of 50 yards apiece.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

Montreal is getting in about the same
muddle with its streets as that from
which Toronto is just escaping. In the
last ten years the city has spent $780,
600 on her streets, and has nothing to
show for it, (
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

Mrs. Langtry is to receive $500 q
night, and all expenses of herself and
maid, for 100 nights in America.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-24

All Necessaries for the Burial
Of the Dead Furnished on short
Notice and on the most Reason
able Terms, COnsiderate At
tkntiOn Guaranteed.