The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-20
COMIC COMMENTS.


man, so west and be cycloned with the
country. = Boston Post
Egyptian item Mummies are the only
well-behayed persons who are now left in
Egypt. --Ns,O Orleans Picayuae.
"A crushed bard: T" 1 am broken man, I"
said poet. ''Well, /" said his friend, g Il in.
ferred that from your pieces, Anon.
Historic Billy Patterson: II has now
been discovered that Billy Patterson was
struck by lightning Burliaston Hasokeys
Tonsoriali All flesh is grass, and that's
why 50 many men nowadays appear to have
had their hair cut by lawn mower---Lose-
sH Courier. n
Cutting severity: II may be said Of the
two colored women Of North Carolina who
fought duel with razors that they treated
each other with cutting severity. BuBalo
Courier.
-Materia medica American physician
(to English ditto y" Now, in Vienna they're
hrst-rate at diagnosis; but then, you see,
they always make point of confirming. It
by post norton" london Punch.
Fashion note The fat hat that is so
prevalent at this time is liked by the young
men who wear 1t, because they can reach
over the edges and hold 1t on with their ears
when the wind blows. = burlington .Haacisye,
Enforced Incredulity Eyes, said
Fogg, 81 used to believe everything; was
the most credulous fellow alive. But he
added, "since / have had this COMPOUNDED
sore throat it is hard for me to swallow any
thing. Boston Transcript
Did he steal the dodY "Yes, judge"
said the prisoner, ''I admit that the back of
my trousers were entangled in the dogs
teeth and that dragged the animal away,
but if you call that stealing a dog no man on
earth is safe from committing crime " Bos-
ton Post.
Texan Greenbackers A Northern man
! writes US to know If there Is really Green
back party in Texas. Why, certainly there
is. We are reminded of the gentleman who
asked German neighbor If oertain man
was in. Eyes, he ish in, put he ish ted."-
Teas SJfnss,
Musical joke, 1t is stated, probably in
jest, that Gustave Dore has lately bought
villa on the outskirts of Paris, and had writ
ten up over the entrance the musical nota-
ton; "Do, Mi, 81, La, Do, Re-" This,
being properly interpreted, is Domicile
Dore. From the French
He paused: pause" said the highly
cultivated Boston girl to her lover, who was
about to kill a mosquito. Pause; In the
balanced and admirably adapted economy of
nature man cannot interfere without disar-
ranging the whole order of things" And
he paused Boston Adoertiser
Crushed: Colonel Old Style. 'sThis
is indeed pleasure. never see your lady
ship but feel that l am ten years Younger
Lady New Style (who hasn't been to the
lyoeum for nothing). Indeed, Colonel,
then you should avoid me. A meeting or
two more and you'll be in your second child
hood l"-L0ndon Punch
Several years ago n member OF the Chi.
cago Board of Trade named Mr.. Geoeh left
that body broken and penniless, admonish-
ing the members as he babe them goodby
that he would "be even with them yet. n
.
900, 600 in n single corner In wheat may be
accepted as an indication that no proposes
to be rs good as his word.
i "A self-made man, "Thirty years sgo
was poor boy" he proudly observed to
the reporter, "a poor boy at two dollars
week Step by step I rose from the mental
position until became member of the
Legislature, and here am at last" The in.
terview was held at the gentleman1s place of
residence--the State Prison at Auburn -
Brooklyn Eagle.
Z That fellow: A professor who got very
angry at the Interruptions of workingman
while he was explaining the operation of
machine in factory, strolled away In huff
and asked another man, "Whois that fellow
who pretends to know more than do about
that instrumentp" /" Oh, he's the man that
invented IT," was the answer Detroit Free
Press
--Physics "0f COURSE continued
Brown, " the tricycle. is much easier to ride
that the bicycle" "Oh, pa |" exclaimed
the elder Miss b., :" II must be much more
i
two.a Az Miss ,. has been to q finishing
school, where they thoroughly exhausted
natural philosophy, the young lady Is I'M
doubleday correct. = Boston Transcript
Big hail-stones. 81 can't smoke this
cigar much longer" said Chowder, MS he
worried with stub. mo" said some one
present, "and you can't smoke it much
shorter.n Ohowder gave the imbecle one
plying glance, and then hailed horse-car
and went home with sad heart BY the
way, when it comes TO hailing horse-cars,
isn't II dangerous 10 be out of doors DEN
Ger Hello.
Request complied with: "Nobody
knows how I've been tempted, and nobody
will give me credit for the good that Is in
me-" said the sneak-thief. GAN have to
say is, take me as am" "That's what
intend to do" remarked the policeman, who
dropped in just at this moment. That's
what intend TO do" he said, slipping on
the darbies by way of emphasis, -Boston
Transcript.
"A new view "Well, well, what makes
you so gum this morningf What's hap
pened2" was the sympathetic greeting which
met citizen the other morning Every
thing has gone to pieces. I've lost $4,000
in the last three months" Goodness !
How envy you" Envy meS" was the
astonishing inquiry. "Why certainly.
You must have had il to lose" This put a
Retrospective view Of the case in new light