News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-09-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

ways is to pump out the ship Wlthou5
stopping the leak.
THE sensitive milkman Never insult
milkman by asking him what water
ing place he is going to this summer. J
Boston Transcript
NEXT we shall have coat-tail tilrta-
ton code. Having the tails covered
with mud will meau: ST don't like her
father. ."-Boston Post.
ST. LOUIS boasts of man who has
not laughed in twenty years. He Is
possibly an interlocutor in "trst'
class " minstrel troupe.
THE name of the principal river IN
China means in English " the place OF
sorrow." The Chinese have evidently
had River and Harbor bill.
WHAT is it to be man? Well, it is
a good deal like work to be a man, and
that is the chief reason why men, real
men, are SO few.-NeaO Haven Register.
IT is said that pair of pretty eyes
are the best mirror for a man to shave
by. 'Zackly so; and it is unquestion-
ably the case that many man has been
shaved by them.
ga LAW just passed in Denmark pro-
vides that all drunken persons shall be
taken home in carriages at the expense
of the landlord who sold them the last
glass" Now that lis civilization.
"LAPsUs LINaUE''-Pater- Now.
look here, my boy, can't have these
hours When was your age my father
wouldn't let me stay out after dark. "
Filius-" Hump Nice sort o. father
you must have had, should say"
A TRADE journal gives directions for
preserving harness." Preserved har-
ness may be considered very palatable
by those who like that sort of thing,
but we don't want a bit in our mouth.
-NorristoaOn Herald
THE girl who sings to an admiriDg
company in the parlor, "You must
wake and call me early, call me early,
mother dear" is the same creature who
expects her mother to make the fire,
get the milk, and bring her breakiest
up to her room.
THAT was kind in Albert Carr, a
Louisville negro, after stealing a gen.
tleman's chickens one night, to take
them back the next morning and sell
them to him at the front gate. You
see he didn't like to deprive man of
his chickens.
"WHo is thatman p asked the strang-
er of the policeman. "He looks like
criminal-looks as ii he had murdered
somebody and was afraid it would be
found out" "Oh, no." answered the
policeman, "he sold toy pistols for the
Fourth. That's ALL"
ENGLISH corrected: :-"Pa, are we 60
ing to have any galvanized iron on our
new house?" "Any w-h-a-t2" "Any
galvanized iron?" Galvanized, you
mean, don't youP" "Yes pa; but
teacher says we mustn't say gal; it's
girlr'
ACCORDING to Liebig, the fly converts
psstiferous gases into pure air for US
to breathe. This is very thoughtful of
the fly but if, in hot weather, he would
only construct his laboratory just q
little from ones nose, one might ap-
preciate his disinterested kindness as it
deserves.
A MAN may be right in the bosom of
his family, sitting down to big meal,
knowing that he is rich and all right in
every way; yet will the sight of a tele-
graph messenger make him as nervous
as well-fed dog is made when he sees
boy PICK up stone and throw IL Iu
the opposits direction. n.-Puck.
A GENTLEMAN, while bathing at sea,
saw his lawyer rise up at his side, after
long dive. After exchanging saluta-
tions, says he, "By the way, how about
Gunter? ?" He is in Jail, replied the
lawyer, and dived again. The gentle
man thought no more about it, but on
getting his account he found: "To con-
sultation at sea, anent the incarceration
of Gunter, six and eight-pence."
A GEORGIA farmer, who wore neither
shoes nor stockings, while hoeing
potatoes the other day saw what he
thought was a snakes head peering
from the ground directly in front of
him. He raised his hoe and struck
savagely at it. When he found that it
was only his own big toe he knew that
he had put his foot in it.
A LAWYER once asked the late Judge
Pickens, of Alabama, to charge the
jury, cit is better that ninety and nine
guilty men should escape than that one
innocent man should be punished.
eyes," said the witty judge, "I will
give that charge, but in the opinion of
the court the ninety and nine guilty
men have already escaped in this coun-
try"
AN old Scotch lady, who has no relish
for church music, was expressing her
dislike for singing of anthems in her
church one day, when a neighbor said:
"Why, this is very old anthem. David
sang that anthem to Saul" To this the
old lady replied "Weel, weel, moo
for the first time understan' why Saul
threw his javelin at David, when he sang
for him."
THE other day stranger in Burling-
ton was arrested for yelling on the
street, calling the passers-by liars and
thieves and tearing off his coat, collar
and necktie. The magistrate, however,
on learning that the stranger was a
member of Congress, who was only re-
hearsing his speech on reform, apollo
gized for the action of the officers aud
dismissed the prisoner. The police
should be more careful. What passes
for disorderly conduct in private citi-
zen is strictly parliamentary in Con-
gress.
"JM, lemme quarter till Saturday
night" "By George, Bill, L can't do
it, with things lookin' as they are in the
east. Egyptian troubles and the inter-
ference with the navigation OF the Suez
Canal is shakin' the confidence in all
classes of securities, L see, and 1 amt
gong to make no more investments
until the war cloud blows over, and the
crop prospects are looking a little bet
ter. An don't you go borroyin' anything
lost now whan monev's aWaV nm an