The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-08-01
SPOOPENDYKE'S WATERPROOF.

STVUfENUIhE>S WAIEhfhUUF.
The Aforesaid Article is Missing
but His Wife's Prediction Con.
cerning Its Whereabouts Is Not in
Vain.
"My DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
pulling the shams off the bed, '.where
is mv-my. where is my-you know
what l mean What did you do with
| itf"
Your shawl strap?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke. dropping the baby into
the crib. "Oh, l know; your dumb
bells. Is that what you wan, 2"
"Has that shawl strap got sleeves to
itf" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke, ran
sackipg the sewing machine fare those.
bells split up the back and torn around
The cellarp Yon know whatI want, M I:
rubber overcoat Where did you put
it2" and Mr.. Spoopendyke pulled a pile
of letters out of the pigeon hole of his
wife's desk and spilled them along the
floor.
"Where did you have 1t last ?" mur
mured Mrs. Spoopendyke, with her fin.
ger in her mouth and CONSERVATION in
her eye
"Had it on!" grewled Mr.. Spoopen
dyke. "Where'd dye 'spose l had it !?
Think had it for lunchp Don't yon
know where the measly things gone to ?
Spry around now and find it! Take
your finger out of your mouth; don't
suppose it's in there! Get that coat he
fore it clears up, will YEP" and Mr..
Spoopendyke shook the clock and then
peered into the manlel vases.
81 don't believe it's going to rain
much anyway" faltered Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, who couldn't remember having
seen the coat for month "When it
looks like this it's always going to sun
shine," and she followed him around the
room in flutter of apprehension.
"Os course it Is snorted Mr. Spoop-
endyke. Things are going to do Just
what YOU tell 'em to. Ii you hai a lot
OF tin figures in front and streak Of
mercury up your spine, you'd only need
sheet iron case and wire handle to
be barometer! If you'll look along
your measly information about the
weather, p'raps you'll fni that overcoa,
at the other end of it! Where's that
coat' Going to let me stand here and
soak while the moths picnic that coat
into shad net2 Take me by the elbow
and lead me to the coatm and Mr.
Spoopendyke tipped the sofa over so
that he could see under it. and then slap
ped plaster bust of Minerva against
The wall, under the impression that the
coat might have crawled into her ear.
ats the strangest thing in the world ~
gigeled Mrs. Spoopendyke, historically
"Are you sure you wore it home ?"
"It l didn't how'd it get home ?.
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, putting bis
hands on his knees and grinning in his
wife's face "S'pose it hired hack and
drove home2 Oh, noL L-dida't-weassi IL
home. The last saw of it, it had its
hat over its ear and female waterproof
on its arm, piking up Fulton street as
happy as an alderman's funeral! Wba,'re
We standing there for3 Got some dis
tinct notion that the dod gasted thing
has gone to get shaved, haven't yer
Where's The coat? Develop the coat
before vtiate the insurance!' and Mr..
Spoopend, ke kicked his wife's work.
basket aero the room and rammed bis
arm to the shoulder up the chimney.
"Do YOU remember where you wore
it last ?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, sud-
denly becoming calm and analytical.
II wore it on nv hacR!' protested
Mr.. Spoopendvke. who didn't remember
whether he had taken it to church or to
hospital "May5e you're under the
impression that tied it to stick and
wheeled it along on the buttons! OnI
my back, tell ye! On this particular
backr' and Mr. Spoopendyke almost
broke bis aim pointing out the attrac.
ton referred to "Most folks fit upI
their rubber overcoat with bent wire
and focus, and wear 'em for specta-
cles, hut hadn't time; go wore it on
nv hack Bring forth the coal {" yelled
Mr. Spoopendyke, spinning around like
a top. Fetch out the measly coat before
the proprietor of these premises makes
up his mind whether he'll build new
house here or mortgage the lot!'
you wore it the last day it rained,
and when il cleared off in the afternoon
| noticed that YOU had on your apring
overcoat," said Mrs. Spoopendyke OUT
etly
"Great head!' grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, beginning to feel uncomfortable,
and wondering how it was coming out
"With your preceptive faculties and me-
neurological education. you only need
one more leg aud clear night to be
dod gasted street telescope at ten cents
peep! What of it2 S'pose did
wear a spring overcoat! It's spring,
amt it
"And don't know" continued Mrs.
Spoopendyke, bat I think YOU had it on
over your waterproof If you'll look
you may find the rubber coat inside of
the other now.
Mr.. Sponpendyke erowled and snort
ed bis way to ihe closet, like foghorn,
and found things as his wife had pre-
dicted.
'Smart, ain't YEP he grumbled, as he
hauled out Jhe waterproof. Great pow
ers OF inductive reasoning! Some day
I'm going to Git yon up with stiff neck
and pot of beans and start a Concord
School of Philosophy with vou."
And with this threat Mr.. Spoopendyke
4. .,l t,s Ill al
way to Coney Island entertained his
friend SDecklewottle with description
of his habits of order, (which are so
perfect, sir, that could put my thumb
on anything l wanted, sir-if my wife
would only let things alone" "-Brooklya
Eagle
For the Girls.
If a young man truly loves yon he