Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-03-22
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

teachers ferule was piece of the board
of education. - Waterloo Observer.
ENQUIRER: Are plants in a sleeping
room unhealthy? Notnecessarily. We've
seen very healthy plants growing in sleep
ing rooms.
The Christian Advocate mentions the
case of an Irish girl who said she joined
the Methodist Church con suspicion -
for six months.
WHY should candidates for the crew
be less than twenty-one years of age
Because miners know best how to handle
the Yale Record.
"I'LL make note of this" as the
sharper said when he got farmer to
write his name on sheet of paper
Marathon Independent.
Gam I badly dressed?" asked a
French provincial, while being measured
by a swell Partisan tailor. "SimpIy
covered, sir-simply covered"
A GOOD many of the young men of
this city are natural sailors. At least
we Judge SO from the ease with which
| they pilot schooners over the bar.-H-
mira Telegram.
The Alsatian gypsies bury their dead
with bean in the mouth. In the next
world they pass for Boston people, and
are hustled right off to Satan. -PhiLa-
dell0I.j0 Chronicle Herald.
WHAT relation is loaf of bread to an
engine? Bread is necessity. A steam
engine is an invention. Necessity is the
mother of invention Therefore, loaf
of bread is mother to steam engine.
AN Oregon man fell on the icy walk
and broke his nose, and when he came to
sue for damages the jury held that his
looks had been improved 80 per cent.
He, therefore, got nothing.
Free Press.
| LET southern negro dream for three
successive nights that pot of gold is
busted in certain ground, and all the
politicians, preachers and circuses in
the land can't make him unhappy till
his back gives out.-DetrOit Free Press.
A MAN accompanied by an undertake
was seen entering a Washington news
paper Office the other day. It is sup
posed the mans business was to de
mand satisfaction and the undertaker's
to take his measure. -NorristoaOn Her.
aid.
A MINISTER overlook Quaker lady
and politely assisted her in opening a
gate. AS she was acomparative stranger
in town, he said: I" You don't know, per-
haps, that I am Mr.. -. Haven't you
heard me preach?" CT have heard you
try" was the witty rejoinder.
FOND parent, almost bursting into
tears" Angelina, my love, have bad
news for you. Heaven knows, my
child, would spare you the sorrow if I
could, but Edwin" Daughter
"Speak quickly My love, my prom
Used husband-" Fond parent Is
gambler!" Daughter-"O pa, is he
lucky?"
"DoN'T sleepin draught, try bed.
"Don't go to bed with cold feet, leave
them outside. ''Don't eat when you do
not need it, just to save it. "Don't
stand on hot air registers" sit down on
them. "Don't drink during business
hours any but the best in the land.
"Don't - you forget it. ''-Rochester
NeaUs.
IT was just the lunk-headed stupidity
of the farmers boy to put the cow in the
box-stall and tie the ugly OLD mule
where the COW belonged. And the farm
er never knew anything about it until he
went out before daylight to milk, and
got kicked clear across the barn and
stopped against hay-tedder. He did
not raise the boys wages, but he raised
the boy about four feet in the air and
told him to pack his duds and start
For some reason, which the Massa-
chusetts papers cannot explain, the Jews
have avoided the northern states, and
there are more in Philadelphia alone
than in all New England. The male
emigrants who have come to the New
World are generally shrewd, close men,
suspicious and watchful; but this char
acteristic of the nation is probably the
outcome of undeserved hardship, the
fear of robbery, and the persecution that
has made them distrustful of all men.
A Two-FooT rule was given to iaborer
in a Clyde boat-yard to measure an iron
plate. The laborer, not being well up
in the use Of the rule, after spending
considerable time, returned. "Noo,
Mick, " asked the platter, what size is
the plate ?' Sc WE'LL" replied Mick,
with grin of satisfaction, it's the
length of your rule and two thumbs
over, with the piece of brick, and the
breadth of my hand and my arm from
| here to there, bar a finger. Punch.
HE was commercial drummer, who
had just returned (from western trip.
The hour was 7:30 A. NJ, and the scene
was the breakfast table. The landlady,
observing that her boarder seemed dis
inclined to eat kindly, asked: "What
ails you, Mr.. Snickersby 90 So Nothing
MUCH said the drummer, pensively,
lifting a fish-ball from his plate by long
yellow hair to which it was securely
anchored. s. was only wondering why
you had changed your cook. "-Brookly1a
Eagle.
We were at Rockland and the steamer
was blowing off, making noise enough
to wake up policeman. A man and
woman stood talking on the wharf. He
had his ear bent down, and she was
yelling something in his ear, when the
steamer suddenly shut off, just in time
for every one between Rockland and
White Head to hear that woman say: