Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-03-15
THE BACHELORS CONFESSION.

THE BACHELORS CONFESSION.
I live in n French fiat. OF course
there are objections to French fats.
So there are to most things. l can't
afford a hotel, and l detest a boarding
house. A bachelor of thirty odd,
who has been at the mercy of board
ing-house keepers all his days can
easily understand that.
So, when l engaged suit Of
rooms-third floor in q French flat
edifice, and arranged my household
goods therein, with a fine lookout
over green dot of park in front
and the glimmer Of palisade far in
the rear above a forest of shipping
/ considered myself well off.
What is my profession! l haven't
any in particular. I'm an artist and
draw little; daily, in front of my
easel, l contribute to the press, and
write when the divine afilatus seizes
me. | read the law when | feel like
it, and draw a little income from o
snug little property left me by al
uncle in India. Consequently l was
able to decorate my new quarters very
prettily with Bagdad rugs, old China
dragons, black and gold japanese
screens, and pictures I had picked up al
bargain.
And when the fire was burning
cheerfully in the CRATE, the first rainy
May evening, the student lamp shining
softly on the red, carved table, and the
waiter from a neighboring restaurant
had brought in my frugal dinner of &
broled bird, mold Of currant jelly, 6
slice of roast beef and raspberry
dumping, l considered myself pretty
comfortable.
Upon the whole" says to myself
II rather approve of French fats"
l rang the bell. The janitor-a
respectful, decent sort Of fellow, in a
round jacket and carpet slippers
answered the summons.
cantor, says l, "who occupies the
floor ab over"
Nobody, sir" the man answered.
Last party moved out yesterday.
New party moves in tomorrow"
"a large familyf" said / rather
obviously.
"Bless your heart, sir" said the man,
mo family at all--single lady, sir"
At this l congratulated myself more
and more.
II shall have prospect of little
peace, now," said I, and ate my
dinner in a FOOLS paradise of happi-
ness.
The single lady moved in on the
morrow. She must have moved in
when l was down town selecting some
new mill-boards and color-tubes for the
summer sketches intended to make,
for when 1 returned, fondly expecting
once more to enter into my kingdom of
peace and serenity, everything was
changed.
There was banging and pounding
overhead, a humping and hammcring
"a sound as if some middle-aged
giantess in hob-nailed shoes was enjoy
ing herself in a promenade. l sent
for the janitor in rage.
as the house coming DOWN." said l..
cts the new tenant a-movin' in, sir"
said he, apologctically.
docs her furniture consist entirely
of Herring's safes and square pianos ?"
said !.
There are two pianos, sir" said he.
"Shes musical.
"The duce she is" roared I. 1.-TWO
pianos! And does she play on 'em
both?"
Don't know, sir, I'm sure" said the
man, with a distressed expression of
countenance.
! endured the noise until midnight,
and then sent up the janitor's wife.
Third floors compliments to the
fourth floor, and would like to know if
this sort of thing is to 60 on all
night2"
Down came the woman.
Fourth floors compliments to tho
third floor, and wishes to know if he
expects people to get settled without
noise 7"
The next day the piano--only one,
however-commenced. was elaborat-
ing skeleton for n scientific essay,
and it disturbed me seriously. ] en-
dured it as long as | possibly could,
and then / had recourse once more to
the janitor's wife.
Third floors compliments to the
fourth floor, and will feel obliged if she
will favor me with q little peace and
quietness long enough to do some
necessary writing"
There was no reply, and the music
ceased abruptly. But that evening,
when / was beginning to solacc myself
with a little violin practice in the twi-
light, tap, tap, tap came. the janitor's