Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-04-10

If they go to vaccinating my baby,
down comes their circus.-lIother of the
infant elephant.
When Abel was followed to the grave
the funeral procession consisted only Of
members ''of the first family"
The Prince of Wales, it is said, has re-
Gently taken to American whiskey, and is
now addressed as ''Your Ryeness"
AT curiosity shop: 'sOh, the charm
ing little box! Antique isn't it?" ''No,
madame, it is modern "What pity
If nrattv y,
1t is suspected that the Hon. Mr.. Ryan
will at once issue bronze medal COM
memorative of his gallant defeat at the
hands of the Hon. Mr.. Sullivan.
'Isn't your husband little bald?" ask
ed one lady Of another in store recently.
'There isn't bald hair in his whole
| head" was the hasty reply Of the wife.
$50 she refused you, did she?" asked
Bingry; "why didn't you press her, my
boy?" ''Press her!" exclaimed Brown
| ''she wouldn't let me get near enough for
| that
| 1t is better to start life on baked beans
and fish balls diet, and eventually get up
to turkey, than to start on turkey, and ul-
| timately get down to baked beans and
| fish balls.
| of 1al nn1a1
discussion at a tea-table. ''Wen, let us
think the best we can,' said an elderly
spinster. eyes," said another, fand say
the worst"
GLOW beautiful the dome of HEAVIER
this EVENING"" said Angelica as she Leaned
heavily on his arm. ''The stars seem tt
look down upon us" ''Oh, yes," sai'
practical John, ''it's impossible for then
to look up to us, you know. They cawn't.
81 tell you,' said canvasser, ''yo
have no idea of the hard work there is i
the business. 1t is either talking or walk
ing from morning till night" ''Beg pal
don," replied the victim 81 have prett
distinct idea of the talking part Of you
programme. Now please favor me wit
an exhibition of the walking park" Th
canvasser exhibited.
An epitaph is curious place in whic
to look for wit, but there are two epitapf
which, while they excite smile, do NJ
! interfere with more serious thought
= When the actor Burbadge died, his frienc
4 | pondered over a suitable inscription, al
$ at last happily hit upon this, which
e simple enough and yet tells the who
3 story exit Burbadge." When Charl'
r Knight died, Jerrold suggested that th
>. equally simple inscription should be pl
on his tomb, ''Good Knight"
A New York clergyman, in serm(
ON courtship and marriage, said he b
lieved that 'sthere is a mate for every OF
if they will but wait till the right Of
comes along" The female portion of b
congregation who have passed two SEQ
years said they never heard such nonsens
and that the man didn't know what
was talking about. If the right one do
MT come along before a woman reach
forty, the chances are nine in ten that
is showed under, or dead, or, worse sti
has married the wrong woman.
Climate has a great effect on Il go
story. Indeed it is we'll known fact tt
all anecdotes must be altered by the n
rator to suit the occasion and the matte
ality Of the persons to whom it is to
Rogers used to tell with great glee a
ecldt of a duel which a Frenchman and
Englighman had in a darkened roc
When he was dining in London he alw:
said that the Englishman, unwilling
take his antagonists life, magnanimou
:. fired up the chimney, and, to his or
surprise, killed the Frenchman. WI
he was dining in Paris, however, he
y ways said that the magnanimous Fren
man fired up the chimney and killed
u Englishman. In this way he made eve
body happy and helped to allay those
: ter national animosities which all
:. Americans are too apt to entertain.
. CAN SLEEP WITHOUT ANoDYNE.
ssSince using Compound Oxygen, my 81
D. is natural and good. My spirits ar
much more healthy condition. /
no need of anodynes-have more ac
se strength than for years past" So WI
patient. Treaties on Compound
: gen sent free. Drs. Starkey & Pa
R. Philadelphia, Pa.