Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-26
EUMOR,

Trout. fishing is unusually good this year.
We have reports of sixteen-inch trout hav-
ing been caught in two-inch streams.-[0il
City Derrick.
"Tug" Wilson thus soliloquizes as he
handles his $4,000 in cash @ It is better
TO have gloved and won than never to have
gloved at ALL Philadelphia Bulletin.
The army-worm is eating the gain in
Kentucky, little red ants are eating the
army-worm, and sparrows are eating the
ants. What is now desired is something
to eat the sparrows.
a convention of Land Leaguers in this
city has decided TO make the watermelon
Ireland's national emblem, because it has
the green above the red Philadelphia
Chronicle. Herald.
mischievous boy at 1T Jackson
bis grandfather's cushion put lacks on;
Then feigned great surprise
At seeing him rise
And hearing his fierce Anglo-Saxon.-TEx.
A schoolmistress, while taking down the
names and ages of her pupils and of their
parents at the beginning of the term, asked
one little fellow whats your father
name p "Oh, you needn't take down his
name. He can't come to school. Ma SAYS
he never had brains anyhow. "-[Ol City
Derrick
SIS dis heah letter all right, boss ,"
asked an Austin darkey, handing the clerk
a letter he wanted to send off in the mail.
The clerk weighed the letter and returned
it, saying: "You want to put another
stamp on it, it weighs too much" SET |
puts another stamp on de letter, dat won t
make hit no lighter. OATS gwine ter make
it weigh more. - Texas Siftings.
A beautiful floral Offering at the recent
funeral of Harvard student, sent by the
classmates of the deceased, bore the letters
S. Y. L. No one understood their signifi-
canoe, but naturally they were supposed to
indicate some noble sentiment in classic or
modern phrase. A friend whose curiosity
was great finally asked their meaning of
one of the students. "Why, See You
Later, of course, was the answer.
They were burying man who had died
in southern Indiana, when tramp leaned
over the fence and inquired "Was he a
statesman "No." "Orator?" "No."
"Poet ?" No." "Great inventor, or any.
thing of that sort? ?" "No; he was simply
an honest man." so that's it, Ell? Why
don't his wilder take the body over to
Chicago, and put it on exhibition and make
a stake al Wall Street Daily News.
At German church new organist had
been engaged, who was fond of adding
some appropriations to every piece he
played. On the first Sunday, when ne had
finished the 'tGloris, he wished to add a
few bars of his own, but the blower sud
denly ceased work i'Go on, the orgauist
cried, angrily don't you see 1 am still
playing p Playing, indeed" said the
blower 81 have been in this business for
the last thirty years, and / know Just ex-
actlY how much wind is required for a
Gloria. | dom. see why you should have
any more than your predecessor. y File
gende Batter.
81 hear deys bumbardin' Alexandria, >
said old Cinderella, the ashes gatherer. ex-
citedly, to a Critic scribe recently. Yes,
the fuu's begun" replied the reporter at
faint no fun, sab fell rale 'dignant ober
it. l used ter lib in dat town, and / has a
great deal OBJ feelin' for it, and furder dan
dat, sab, if my mem'ry sarves me rite, Use
got a family of 'lations residin' thar now.
What biziness has dem Inglish boats got to
cum up de Putomack Ribber and fling der
bumshells inter dat town. anyhow ?"
You are slightly mixed, Uncle Isaac. :"
rejoined the reporter )" they are lombard
ing Alexandria, Egypt, not Virginia. ="
"Nebber mind bout takin' on dem Greek
words. The Critic SEE dey is bumbsrdin'
Alexandria, and feel highly demoralizsd
ober it. tell you dem Inglish is too fresh,
an I'm one OBJ de boys OATS g. goin' down
on de ferryboat 60 the bumbsrdin' grounds
to help salt EN- away. Now you hear me
a.talkin'. II Washington Critic.