davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

MAn His Ret.

MIR. Tyrrell, of Rails hardware store,
gut into an argument with Hank Monk
about the size Of some agricultural ma
chinery belonging to Rail which was ~
ing at the depot Hank insisted that
the machinery nowadays was light and
unreliable. Tyrrell offered to bet him
IS that he couldn't carry single piece
Of 1t from the freight depot to the store.
Hank deposited his coin and started.
elf he gets up here it'll make him
sweat" quoth Tyrrell.
He'll earn every cent Of his bet"
said the hands.
In about fifteen minutes Hank hove
in sight, and they all saw that he had
nothing.
Concluded you'd let out the job to 4
dray, ehf" they oil said, looking at
Hanks woful condition.
Well, l brought upa piece" he said,
- he entered the store.
Where is it?"
Here, said he, with . Quiet rxfnF
Esa&elsipFed ie0M sinh : hamraer. ~ =
He produced corner of o casting
about the size Of hazlenut.
l could have got bigger piece, but
the bet was 80 small II wasn't an object;
ye see?''
Monk went away with the money, and
his face wore that self, satisfied smile all
the sfteinoon.-Carson city appeal.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
ChlnAsA PatiAnts.

The Chinese make, on the whole, very
good patients. Occasionally some Of
them try our patience not little. One
gets . four days supply Of medicine
away with him. the recipe bearing upon
it, "a spoonful three times daily after
each meal" He comes back next morn
ing after more, thinking to Aatter you
by stating that he drank the former
quantity at one dossl Another has his
arm carefully put up in splints, and on
his next visit he brings his dressings in
. separate parcel. They are great be-
levers In internal administration. and,
although he have only ont finger, il is
difficult for . Chinaman 10 ses Why he
should not got SONS medicine 10 ''eat. "
They have peculiar palates, many Of
them, and can DIRK castor oil al nawss-
ANA stage EhIBh 3 MOI % sasily
reached in their ciss = 4 i h curs.
Hers, g elsewhere, thu u1di0al has IL
along bean found to b . valuable anxil.
larry 70 the genera, mission work.
LNcek
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
PARAGRAPHIC fCly7s.

An VIGILANCE says that the coming
girl in to be more generally pretty than
the kind we have heretofore had.
IF We could see others as we see our.
selves there would he more good looking
people in the world. Erpress.
A LADY who has returned from Rome
says the principal attr FACTIONS are fleas,
beggars, dirt, aud the ill-s,nclliag Nber.
WIDOWS over fifty can not marry again
in Portugal, but this doesn't trouble
them any, for who ever knew woman
to acknowledge being over forty?
THREE Newport bellies. now married,
were once known in society as battle, :"
Murder" and Sudden Death" THEN
names indicating their style Of con.
quest.
PAPER dinner plates are now in use.
sqBy and by" says the Syracuse Herald.
''they will print the news Of the day
around the rim and serve them fresh q
The English gulp down $50, 900 worth
Of drinks per year, and are no better
of than II they had used the money
in sending out miasionaries. - Detroit
Free Press.
Or ALL things that man possesses,
women alone take pleasure in being pos
sessed. -Naiherbe. They do seem TO
take pleasure attimes in being possessed,
or acting ~ if they were.
TEXANS now take their whisky from an
ox-horn fitted with brass bottom and
holding On even quart. They are handy
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
Poets Laureate.

Concerning the institution OF Poet
Laureate, Disraei remarks ('Curiosi-
ties Of Literature'D that "the custom OF
browning poets is as ancient as poetry
itself Frederick the Second crowned
the King of Verses at Ancona in 1920.
Petrarch received the laurel crown at
Rome ON Easter day, in 1341. Maxi
milan /. founded poetical college ut
Vienna, in 1904. In England the
Kings versifier existed as early as 1851.
Gulelmus Peregrinus aud Robert Bac-
ton acted as royal poets to Richard the
First and Edward the Second respective
~. Chaucer assumed the title Of Poet
Iau'ea about 1869. The title Of
Kings Poet Laureate trst occurs in the
reign OF Edward the Fourth, when John
Key held the office. The first patent
was granted in 1880 The ode per-
formed at the court ON New Years day
was discontinued in 1880. Since the
appointment Of s. Daniel, in 1899, the
ofiice has, except in the case Of Dryden,
been held for life. II is passing strange
to And the names Of Dryden and Nahum
Tate occurring in the Same list. Nj.
Tennyson was appointed Poet Laureate
n 1850 on the death Of Wordsworth.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
Two Queer Stories.

Among the choicest books in bis L.
brary Mr.. Grenville possessed one of two
volumes OF an excessively rare fifteener.
I think, the Mazarine Bible, printed on
vellum and magnificently bound OF
course he was very anxious to get copy
of the missing volume also on vellum,
but he hoped against hope. After many
years, however, he had the unexpected
and almost unexampled good fortune to
get not only q copy on vellum, but the
identical copy, as shown 10y the binding.
which had been 80 long separated from
the ono in his possession. Mr.. Gren-
vile, when showing the books to Mr..
Amyot and to Samuel Rogers, who WIS
there ut the same time, told the history
OF his good fortune.
Amyot said it was the most remark
able coincidence he had ever heard.
Rogers did not quite agree to this,
and proceeded to mention the following,
winch he thought still more remarkable:
An officer, VINO Was ordered to India.
went, Oh the day before leaving En-
gland, to his lawyers in Lincoln's Inn
Fields. The day being wet, he took .
hackney coach, and when he got out, as
he was paying the diver, lie dropped q
shilling. He looked in the mud and
slush for it in vain, a'!u so did the
coachman. On bis return home after
soG,e years service he had again occa-
sion to 60 to his lawyers i'll Lincoin's
Inn FIELDS. When leaving. he recollect-
ed his lost shilling, and, by some unac-
countable impulse, began to look for il,
when, strange to say, just at the very
spot where he had paid the Goa .hman,
AMI on the very edge Of the curbstone,
he found
"The shillingl" was the hasty CON-
clusion Of my excellent friend.
mot exactly" said Rogers, but
l2-penny-worth Of coppers wrapped up
in brown paper !"-Nl4cteeath Century.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
His Mouth Saved Him.

"John Hall, You were very drunk last
night" said his Honor, as a send-oG
81 think not, sir"
swell, you have . right to dider.
Officer, was this man drunk Z"
He was, sir.
How drunk ?"
"Well, he fell down four times in
crossing the road, and the last time he
fell he settled down for a nap"
"That's our case, Mr.. Hall Have
you any defense ?"
II have, sir. I Ind not tasted any
liquor Of Any sort all day long. just
before met the officer I got choked,
and that was what allied me when he
picked me up"
"Chokedi What with3"
"With an apple"
"Have you got it?
"Yes, sir. When the officer shook
me he shook the apple ont of my outlet
and put it in my pocket to bring and
show you"
He thereupon pulled from his cost
tail pocket frozen greening larger than
coilee-cup and laid it Oh the desk.
"Do you mean to tell me that you
had that apple in your mouth p
eyes, SIR. was going to take bite
when it slipped down unto my outlet,
and II the off ser hadn't given me shake
might have su1located."
"You can't get the apple into your
mouth No such story will 60 down
here"
"See here, Judge" and he opened .
mouth big enough to take in a quart
bowl, tossed i'll the apple, ratified il
around and dropped il into his hand
again with smile of triumph.
"You may Co." said his Honor, after
. long silence. "With such mouth -
that you'll eat more than you can earn
in any prison. Take your frozen apple
and 60 your way"
"1hauk you. I'd like to bring my
brother in some day and let you see his
mouth. He can hold a pint Of hickory
nuts and sing II song at the same time.
-New York Herald.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
GRANDPA GARFIELD. q correspondent

GRANDMA GARFIELD, correspondent
says, is not q stately, impressive old
lady, but a nice, plain, companionable
mother Of the every day sort. You East
ern people, both men and women, grow
old more elegantly than those whose
early lives We're full Of frontier hartlships
at the West 70 see the General with
his mother reminds one pleasantly Of
Lawyer Wemmick and his tagged parent"
IN Dickens " Great Expectations" Al
the aged P" of the administration,
Grandma Garfield will be by no means .
lay figure in the social life Of the White
House.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
COLES CARBOHYDRATES

Is the most soothing and healing
external remedy ever discovered.
1t Immediately relieves the pain Of
scalds and burns, aud Wiu cure the
worst case aritl,oM u scar. 1t quickly
heals cuts and wounds, thoroughly
clcanses and heals all sores, and is a
positive cure for piles, fever-sores,
ulcers, chaps, chafes poisons. chill
blains, scald-head, letter. eruptions,
and all itching and irritating diseas-
es OF the skin and scalp. 1t is the
best salve for family use, and is .
household favorite wherever known.
Small boxes, Is cents; large boxes,
Is cents.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
Gentsicky Horses.

1t is claimed that the fastest horses IN
the world have been bred in the neigh-
borhood of Lexington, Ky. Among tht
uore notable are Maud Stone, better
Known as Mend s., record, 2:l02
Wcdgewood 2:I9; Woodlord Mans
brine, 2:2i: Trinket, 2:194: Dick
Moore, o:3c; John Morgan, 2:24; En-
nianapoils, 2:2l, and vo:taire, 2:2l.
The number Of superior carriage, sa.a-
die ard trotting horses sent out from
this Part Of Kentucky il very great. A
prominent breeder WAS asked the secret
Of their supelio;ty. He repiiel /:
"There is combination Of causes.
Tho great majority Of horses here have
some good blood in them, and you will
find it crossed somewhere lack in their
pedigrees. The best strains OF running
snd tro. sing blood have been taken from
here to other States, and they there fail
to produce the desired results. Their.
is something III the blue grass, thu
water, the atmosphere, and tho general
climatic influence, and much in judi
cious breeding and training. We iorc,
our horses to = quit when they gre !
year old, and at 8 years old they are
pretty web developed. The Northern
men, however, always improve them. :
!" How long have Kentucky horses held
their high placer was asked. The
breeder replied mo one hcreal,out
can tell. I know men who have lived
here eighty-hve years, and they state
that, from their earliest childaood, they
have heard Of the superiority Of oui
hursea. Their fathers before them li,ul
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

MOTHER EVE copied Satan. Satan
att, and Eve ate. Aud the daughters Of
Eve have acted like Satan ever since.
This was handed in by . wretched
bachelor. Our first thought was to de-
stroy it, but we concluded to print it in
order to show to what depths q man
outside the reigning influences Of vito
and family may descend. -Boston zten-
script.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

Sns IVES talking on tho cars, and she
said: The Meaaest people are tlI0s.
who peep ont Of windows to -ee WIN,
their neighbors are doing. Now, this
morning / was looking through the
blinds Of my window, and wfa. do you
suppose I saw that mean Mrs. Jones
doing? Why, she was peqping through
the blinds to 70 Il ! cav h6r-lhe mean
Wnsnay% r.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

Don't get excited, but use Cham
berlain's Collie, Cholera and Diar-
rhna Remedy. II will promptly
relieve the most severe attack Of
bowel complaint, aud is pleasant
and safe to take. Sold by drug
gists.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

THERE are 100 churches in Boston.
OF that number the Congregational
Trinitarians have 81, the Roman Catho-
lies, 20; the Methodist Episcopals, %;
the Bsptists and Congregational Unita-
rians, each %, and the Episcop.iians
g. There are seven Jewish synagoguea.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

BELTIsHSRss, though refined. il still
but selfishness, and refinement cught
never 10 interfere with doing good in tho
world ~ it exists. II ID not desirable TO
appeal early to tllis feeling, Or .porhaps
ever directly TO cultivate Is
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
HishtS Esi s.s.sti esl.

The youthful color and rich lus-
tire are restored to faded or gray
hair by tho uss Of Parkers Hair
Balsam, I harmless dressing highly
steened for lie perfume and purity.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

CATARRH CURED, health and
sweet breath secured by Shiloh's Ca
tarrh Remedy. Price 80 cents. Ma
sal injector free. !
sHILoHs CoUGH ana Cor
sumption Cure is sold by us on
guarantee. 1t cures consumption.
SHILOH'S VITALIZER is what
you need for costipation, loss Of APP
petite. dizziness and all symptoms
of dyspepsia. Price 10 and Is cents
per bottle.
GROUP, WHOOPING COUGH
and bronchitis Immediately relieved
by Shiloh's Cure. For sale by
n. II. BLAIR.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

G. C. Lauterman, druggist, Cedar
Rapids, L., says: II consider Cham
berlain's Collie, Cholera and Diar-
rhoea Remedy the best in the mar
ket." All who use it acknowledge
its superior excellence. Sold by
druggists.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
Preaching to the insane.

A good story is told by Brattleboro
clergyman WHO had been in the habit OF
preaching Sunday afternoons to the in
mates of the asylum for the insane. The
cIereymep in that village take turns in
this work, and one afternoon one Of them
preached about the slabaster box OF
precious ointment which was poured upon
the Masters feet. AS he came out Of the
chapel one of the patients came to him
and said, " You have got us pretty well
aaoinied now" and in explain ton added
that for two preceding Sundays different
cierrymen had preached on the same
subject.
This story reminds us Of another, a.
good one, told Of clergyman in Jack
sonviiie, Ill. This minister was out Of a
field and hearing there was no preaching
i'll the asylum in that city sought the
opportunity to dispense the gospel there.
1t his first service lie wRs very much
rratiii"d to observe the clcss attention
that ono Of the patients gave to his SER
MOI, ard he went away api told some OF
l. ia frieads thai lao had found II very
hopeful field Of LABOR in the asylum which
had hoea neglected too long. The next
Sunday he noticed the same intept en-
preston on tins face Of this hopeful lis
tener aud thought the man would soon
be converted. Again the next Sunday
the same man gave eager attention. con-
vincing tile clergyman that he was not
lar from the kingdom Of heaven. In the
sermon the old story had been related
about Hindoo women casting their chill
dren into the Ganges Tho minister
sought az opportunity At the close 81
service for personal conversation with
his eager listener. The patient graspef
his haad warmly and said: II coaldn'
help thinking while yon we're telling thai
story that it was great pity your mother
didn't chuck you into tbs river when you
we're baby."-N Atbans w. Nee
.,Yef.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
THAT HACKING COUGH ca,

THAT HACKING COUGH can
be so quickly cured by Shilohs
Cure. We guarantee it.
WILL YOU SUFFER with dys-
pepsia and liver complaint? Shi-
loh's Vitalizer is guaranteed TO cure
you.
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, made
miserable by that terrible cough.
Shiloh's Cure is the remedy for you.
For lame back, side or chest use
Shiloh's Porous Plaster. Price Is
cents. For sale by H. III. BLAln.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
]. GRIFFIN 4 W.. Comfy,
Physicians and Surgeons,
ELK POINT, DAKOTA.
Physician and S arg On,
A. D. SMITH
DENTIST

Is located over Wolfgang's drug
store, Elk Point, where he can be
found in readiness to do any work
lin the dental line in first class
manner. Best material used for
making artificial teeth. Anasthet-
les administered for the painless ex-
traction of teeth. Satisfaction guar
anteed.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

HrcH wages and carly death il what
workers On glass grinding get in En-
gland.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

"Wouldn't you like TO have . bowr'
aid the bold young archer, - they
sauntered down the field, and she muir
INJURED, EYES," and the absorbed archer
said, "What kind Of bow would you
prefer ?" II think should prefer yew,"
and then the young man took il in, and,
although he was an arrow-cl,ested
youth, he went 70 the target and heaved
= bulls siuh.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

II 10 nice thing to b very bright,
and 10 give what is supposed to 30
witty answer 10 every query, but some
times one gets caught III his own trap.
"What Is . crimei" asked the grave
professor in a theological college. "A
crime r. answered the wit Of tie class,
"why, it il when . man does some
thing" "Then," said the profsssos, -
he looked over his glasses at the youth.
"I think no one could accuse You, Mr.
Brown. OF over committing crime"
"Now, ron know, remarked the new
Sunday school teacher, ~ he beamed
kindly on the interested class Of boys,
"that Robert Bruce, - he lay on the
bed, kaw spider cast its web seven
times, failing every time. but the eighth
attempt was successful Nov, what was
the RESULT" And he looked into The
eager, upturnsd faces before him. And
then an exceedingly small boy. with
phenomenally large freckles, q The foot
Of the class, whose folks had bean clean
ing house the week before, spoke up and
said that the woman came in the next
morning with broom and dust-pan,
and carried the spider ont, clay-cold
corpse. And then the school sang, whila
the new teacher sat down md wipsd BIZ
forehead
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES.

EN- ROuse.
The railway car WA crowded,
And passenger went through
To find enpty seat, or QUE
Not occupied by two.
At last he came unto one
On which Que woman sat;
But bundles did surrou nd her,
And she was old aud fat.
He gszed him down beside her:
Bat did she see him? Nc.
She looked her out the window,
And AT In ststu quo
This world isvery selhsh,"
Q,oth he az on be went;
To mud place to sit him ON
The gent eInau was lent
Within the car next forward
He came unto seat,
One end Of which was occupied
By maiden quite pstitA
He csme s!ong unto It,
And ssid him to n miss:
"Js this eat taken. little one?"
(Bho was sweet enough to Essl.
"0h. moi" shs rid, I'll bluahea
Which addec beauty lent; -, -,
1y&3.e - 1ieh az kA't5fDsg &5& .
= httlo one for nsssnk
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
En,irely SIMULTANEOUSLY,

Ladies wishing perfume that
combines novelty, delicacy and rich
ness, find Florcston Cologne entiie-
ly satisfactory.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23

Fnr clothing. Mems \ Boys, price
say .!ow,ss 81 to BEacs.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
ODD Straps.
CAsroR OIL will soften leather.

SASFOH Oil VIII OOAVCiI AC,tUuCls
To WRITTEN ivory-boil in lime wnter.
KEROSENE will make the tin tea kettle
a new. Saturate . WOODEN rag, aud rub
with it. 1t will also remove stains from
clean vanished furniture.
TO neAxu macaroni tender, mt 4 N
cold water and bring il to boil It will
then be much more tender than if put
into hot water or stewsd in milk.
BLUE ointment and kerosene, mixed in
equal proportions, aud applied to bed
steads, is an unfailing bug remedy; and q
coat Of whitewash il ditto for wooden
walls.
STEAK should be broiled without salt.
Salt draws the juices in cooking; it is
desirable to keep these II possible. Cook
over hot FIRE, turning frequently. Salt
and pepper to taste.
You can get bottle or barrel Of oil
of OF any carpet or WOODEN stuff by APP
plying dry buckwheat plentifully and
faithfully. Never put water or liquid Of
any kind to such grease spot.
HIccouaH effects some people very
persistently, aud where simpler remedy
does not check il, a half teaspoonfnl OF
nitre in a half tumbler of water is recon-
mended a. an instantaneous remedy.
IF you wish to do away with the use Of
grease on the gridlle for baking cakes,
have the ordinary iron griddle ground
smooth on grindstone and rubbed of
with piece Of fine sand paper wrapped
round block of wood. This Is much
better than soapstone grildle.
WHEN turnips placed in the cellar be-
gin to sprout they are usually thrown
away. but bushel Of turnips will fur
nish a family with Said all winter. and
. very good one if properly prepared.
Place the bushel Of turnips in q dark,
warm cellar to sprout, aud when the
sprouts are three or fonr inches long cut
them OH: pick the leaves fror, the stems
and pour on hot water u moment; theu
plunge them into cold water: place the
sprouts in the colantler b. drain off Ill
the water, and send TO table with plain
dressing or hacou dressing poured over
them--DelrOit Free Press.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-08-23
aAr1D o. ADvzRrls1ssc.

RATES o. AOVHRTl8y90,
one 1Quass 90 linae neopaeisl ype) ono week 8 20
- suhssQwmt insertion. ..... .
oae sooumn, - yone. ...................... 90 Oh
~ 1onlAo.. .................. ~ %
tAg0 O0uo1A0 .>................. - 90
9uoAA6 ooauWA, ono yon1. g 90
dx months. 49,. ........... ~ 10
three mo0the. .............. % 10
0ooQnAEoR eoeumn, one yesr. ............... ~ %
@x months. ............. 20 W
Three mont1,D. ........... II %
O0oaGA0 0oonA 90 year. ................ 70 w
N8 months. .............. II 20
Safoo months. ......... %
~ eQoA14 - yoa.. Is OO
- 0ooao. ..................... O0
09oD O0osA1. w
Iem1 Nseso - ssu0 pss tine each insertion
~ aAnassat advertising must he paid Tor in NJ.
NnA 4Aguanr a6vosHains pas able Qanrteriy