Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-04-13

man, put CilaC person ndu Sklppeu
.'Who says so 20 demanded the deaf man.
':I-I-why, say so.''
'sWell what of it? Haven't l seen enough
to know that it is winter weather? Don't
try any of your guys on me or I'll knock the
top of your head OFF,
Then the deaf man sat down and the mid
die man Sneaked out and dropped off the car,
and said he should spend the rest OF his life
looking for the hoarse man.
A FATHERLEss CouNTRY.-A man recent
ly received woodcut picture OF George Wash
ington, and pinned it on to the wall near his
office door. One day while at his work his
little girl came into his room, and, espylng
the picture started the following dialogue:
:.sWho is that picture of, papa?''
''Washington.'
s'Who was Washington ?"
''Father of his country"
s'Why was he called father of his country,
papa ,ororaonoo .na
was great and good man."
''Is he alive now, papa?'
s'No."
when did he die 20
December 18th, 1799."
"Who is the father of this country now,
papa?"
The little girl was silent a few moments,
and then enquired: 49,,
:sWas he the boy that couldn't tell a lie ?"
1.-THE same.''
''Wel, this country will never have another
father, will it, papa?' -,
And the conversation was concluded "lth
the emphatic remark
sNever not even a step-faJher."
SHR1NKAGE AND SwELLAGE.-"I tell you,
sab, dis partnership biZness an powerful
resky," said the old man, as he nibbled green
onion at the Central market. LAS month
| went into partnership wild Caesar White IN
de peanut biziness. He furnished de roaster
an I bought de peanuts, an we waste wllack
up on profits. Dat Cesar am a bad man, an
doan' YOU forget it. If hadn't bin on de
watch fur him I'd been cleaned out sky high.
What sort of game dye 'spose he tried to
play on me?"
No one could guess, and he finished the
rest of his onion. Then he continued
"Well sab, when we come to roas' dem
peanuts dat Caesar wanted me to believe dat de
shrinkage offsot all my sheer in de bizness, an
he ordered me to get away from dat roaster
an 60 home!"
s'And you went to law?"
.No, sah!' l got an inspiration bout dat
time, an I poured de whole bushel IN oarrei
o. water In five minitS dem peanuts had
swelled all my capital back and gin me SIX
shillin' claim on de roaster besides, an de way
Cesar gin me three dollars to dissolve partner
shipan' git out beatan hossrace you ebersaw." "
ACAsE OF MoDEsTY.-The other night a
policeman observed man hanging around the
entrance of Michigan avenue hall in queer
sort of way, and he asked him if he belonged
to the order in session up stairs. Ihe man
replied that he did, and the officer inquired
Then why don't you 60 up"
''Well, was thinking of it,"
Haven't been expelled, have you 20
'Oh, no.''
oAnd you haven't lost your INTEREST,""
~ might as well tell you," said the man,
after beating around while longer. II went
down to Toledo few days ago, and somehow
the story came back here that 1 was drowned
Nv lodge thereupOn passed resolutions to the
effect that was honest, upright and liberal,
and shining ornament and that what was
its loss was my gain. wasn't drowned, as
you see, but kind-o hate to walk in on 'em
and bust those resolutions. I've tried 1t three
times, and can't get higher than the fifth
stair before weaken"
BILL NOT REPEALED.-The Legislature of
Maine has repeatedly, in years past, passed
law giving bounty for bears killed, and as
often repealed it. In 1874 lover 81, 600 having
been paid the previous year in bountieS by the
State) bill was introduced for a repeal by
member from the shore, giving as reason
that hunters would kill them for the meat and
pelts without the bounty. This brought up a
member from the backwoods, who said 1.-The
gentleman don't know what he is talking
about. Most of the bars are killed when coobs
when meat and pelts are worthless"
''Then said the gentleman from the shore,
thaDo orOw fill they are Of ya1up ~
The country member replied: II would like
to ask the gentleman what them bars would
live on while growing. III tell you, sir-On
our sheep, and now and then baby"
Bill for repeal did not pass.
WHY He OBJECTED.-A crude old farm
er, living on the line of one of the recent rail-
way surveys, and who is the owner of barn
of large dimensions, with huge swinging doors
on both sides, observed posse OF surveyors
busily driving row of stakes through his prem
ises that extended to the very centre OF his
big barn. Sauntering leisurely towards the
trespassers, with All air savoring somewhat of
Indignation, he addressed the leader OF the
gang as follows:
''Layin 'eout another railroad 20
Surveying for One," was the reply.
"Goin' threw my barn ?"
Don't see how we can avoid it.
"Wall, now, miSter,' said the worthy farm
er II calkerlate I've got sonlethin' to say
bout that. want you tew understand that
I've got sumthin else to do besides runnin'
out to open and shet them doors every time
train wants tew go threw"
A MINISTER'S PREDICAMENT.-Daniel
Webster had an anecdOte of old Father Searle,
the minister of his boyhood, which is too good
to be lost 1t was customary then to wear
knee breeches in cold weather. One Sunday
morning in autumn Father Searle brought his
breecheS down from the garret, but the wasps
had taken possession during the summer, and
were having nice time of it i'll them BY
dint of effort he got out the intruders and
prepared for meeting. But, while reading
the Scriptures to the congregation, he felt
a dagger from the enraged, small-waisted fel-
lows, and jumped around the pulpit slappmg
his thighs But the more he slapped and
danced the more they stung. The people
thought him crazy, but he explained the mat
ter by: Brethren, don't he alarmed /; the
word of the Lord is in my mouth, but the
devil is in my breeches ~ Webster always
told this with great glee to the ministers,
Took His WORD FOR IT.-A consumptive
looking man, lame and feeble, and carrying a
trian on Bates street yesterday and said
there and wish you'd tell me what's in it,
The other took it, removed the cork and
snuffed full breath. The next instant he
staggered against a wall, clawing the air and
choking and gasping, and it was full minute
before he blurted out:
''Why, you Internal idiot, that's hartshorn."
q / l.,1-o