Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-04-03

No matter how fast your pen may fly,
your paper is stationery.
A man who is continually sticking his
nose into other peoples business can be
said to possess roamin' nose.
Teacher to small boy: "What does the
proverb say about those that live in glass
houses?" Small boy: "Pull down the
blinds
A writer in the March Agriculturist
asks: "What is wind?'' He had evident
ly been listening to a congressional de-
| bate on civil service reform.
Inquirer: care plants in a sleeping
room unhealthy?" Not necessarily. We
have seen some very healthy plants grow
ing in sleeping rooms.-Boston Post.
''What the blazes do you want with the
arnica?" asked the old man of his SON.
'Why, I saw my wife just start to
drive nail and expect every minute to
hear her yell
Prof. Cunning up in Michigan, is lee
turing on CATER Man, What?" A Fort
Wayne editor, who has been there, rises
| to remarlz that it is generally the sheriff
or some woman.
'Will the coming woman shovel the
snow from the sidewalks?' is the question
for debating societies. If she is not more
of a success at it than the present man,
the outlook for the future is a little dark.
1t is no longer considered the exact
thing to wear a little bit of black neck
tie under the left ear. Nothing short OF
a broad-gauge polka dot scarf will pro-
vide the entree of our young men into the
best society.
The Boston Herald is sometimes severe
1t says 1.-THE smoking car is the den Of
utter nastiness,' according to the Nee
England Methodist. Perhaps so, but yor
meet fewer hogs who claim two or three
. seats than you do in cleaner places"
eff were as flat-footed as you are,
would not be afraid of slipping on th'
sidewalk" eyes," was the response
, ''Some persons are fat on one end, ant
some on the other And then the frs
chap looked thoughtful, and went dowl
: street.
An authority says: ''It may be regard
ed as an established fact that apples vii
= keep better in moist or damp cellars tha
8 8 in dry ones.' But that depends altogetl
4 er on how many small boys there are i
the family. 1t isn't SO much in the hu
|. midity of the cellar as in the gorgeabilit
e of the boy.
i candidate for the office of auditor {
n public accounts was suddenly called upo
d for speech. On rising, he commenced
y ''Fellow citizens, you have called on II
y. for few remarks. l have none to maxi
4 1 have no prepared speech. Indeed, | a
y no speaker; do not desire to be speal
er-I only want to be an auditor"
cd A Western newspaper has an artic
1e ~, upon 'sWhere Editors Go When The
in Die" They go. of course, to a land th
ne is fairer than day; where no delinque1
ne subscriber can ever set his foot; whe
,es waste baskets, exchange fends, spriI
us Is poets, cranks, deadbeats and book ca
ee. vassers are never found; to a land,
: short, where it is one perpetual rest
When you meet friend whom "
haven't seen for some time, don't fail
greet him with, Chow old you ha
grown" or IT hardly knew you, you ha
changed SO greatly" 1t will add so mu
to his joy in meeting you. 1t is astonis
ing how much a man enjoys being told
isn't looking well, or to be asked if he
sick, especially when he isn't feeling qu
his usual self.
A primary teacher, not a thousand mi
from the Club, is describing the bana
and the children are to name it. Fina
she steps to the board and draws the o.
line of the fruit. Up comes Johnni
hand. 'Well, Johnnie, what have l
q scribed?" tsCucumber." ''Oh, no;
, cucumber grows here, and told you t
fruit grows in the South; besides, is
the cucumber a vegetable?" John
l. yields the point, and relapses into bro
le study Soon an idea strikes him, and
z comes his hand again. ''Are you S
j. you are right this time: Johnnie?" Yes
% with self assurance. s'Well, what
q. it?" :sSausage." is the triumphant
joinder.
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