The news., 1882-09-21
find out the sekret.

and the Dlmmykrats. Squire Pogs-
ley wuE elekted chairman Of the
meetin. On takin the stand he
thanked those present for the distin-
guished honor conferred upon him,
but he sed hiz buzzum was particker-
ly thrilled with emoshun when he saw
those who he'd lately bin fierce polit-
ikal opponents, calm each other hard
names, &C., now jinin tugether like
bruthers to konsider the valyooable
interests of the kentry. Hiz emoshun
wuz SO CRATE at this pint that he shed
few tears. After all, said he, thare
interests wor the same; and thay
never, no, never, wood forgit that
(here some one ventured to remark he
didn't suppose thay wood). 1t wuz
nat'ral, sed he, for the kentry to have
its periods Of prosperity and stagna-
tion; but he wood leave the statement
Of the kauses to the next speaker.
He then introduced lawyer jenkins
who went on to show that overpro-
dukshun, together with extravagance
Of the workin klass, wuz the kause of
CRATE evil of the panik. We raised
tew much, and maintained tew
much at times, sed he, and allus wuz
sure in time Of prosperity to run
into extravaganza. He wood like to
see every workin man in the land hev
hung up in hiz house a big plakard
with the word "Ekonomy" onto it in
letters Of gold. He thot we must
learn to grin and bear hard times, as
thay wor nat'ral to human society.
There wuz no need Of diskussin the
subjek SO much, and workin up the
feelins Of the kommunity into so high
state Of excitement, when the whole
kause laid in oyerprodukahun aa
stated.
Here one Of these fat loontics (of
which thare ar few in Pogsleyville,
to digrace the place), who he'd sneak
ed into the meetin, and sot on q
back seat, yelled out to the speaker
if it wuz net the overprodukshun of
due bills and mortgages, with less
money to pay EN- with, brought on
the panik. But he was squelched
instanter, by cries of 'sPhew r "Turn
him out p "Ride him on rail !" &c.
he subsided for fear Of the konse-
kwences, as the meetin wood hsv
stood no sich nonsense.
After wun or two uthers to the
same effect, the skule master address
sed the audience. He sed that by
kluss kalkulashun he he'd fggered
out that the panik mite be here in
about six months and fifteen days,
accordin to the average of former
periods, but it mite be deferred by
unfavorable weather or uther causes
beyond that time considerably, tho
not later than the fust of June. As
the cause wuz found to be overpro-
dukshun, he advised all, for the pur-
pose of lessenin the evil, to praktise
ekonomy.
Here several wanted to speak to
wunst, aud the chairman he'd konsid-
erable difficulty in keepin order.
Farmer Jones sed what must we do !
Must we hcv laws passed to regilate
the craps? Another sed a remedy
should be found; it wuz no more
nat'ral than the toothake, and whiskey
and red pepper would cure that.
Spinks, the tailor deklared he should
stick out for FIVE hours as a legal
days work. Mike Dooley went in
for smashin al the reapin and mowin
masheens on the farms, and all the
masheenry in the factories. Dobson,
the editur of the Peoples Milk Bottle,
sed that the kentry wuz nov enjoy
in wonderful state Of prosperity,
and let it alone, and not go to tinker
ing at the fnanshal kondishun and
the laws Of supply and demand, as
the fat loontics wanted to do. The
workin class muss not be extravagant,
and must be kontent with the station
in life that Providence he'd placed EN-
in; and if man Good not earn three
meals day, do with tew, aud if he
could not do that, why ENJOY life on
wuD. (Here a venerable egg just
missed biz bald pate, and he retired |
without fiuishin what he he'd to say. |
A kommittse on resolushuns wuz
finally appinted, when the following |
wor adopted:
RESOLVED, That whereas paniks ar |
4 CRATE evil, and we fear another wun |
is at hand; that they are kaused by
overprodkshuu, and extravaganza Of |
The workin klass. Therefore laws
,hood be made to regilate produkshun
by the gineral government. That
she Agricultural Department at
Washington shood be abolished;
,harters refoossd to all Granger's
Societies; factories for fertilizers for
oidden by law; if a farmer should
.aise more than forty bushels of korn
o the aker, he should be fined ten
lollars bushel for the overplus, and
he korn be burnt; and the issue of
my more patents for labor savin
by the government be stopt
md a heavy tax be levied on the
nasheens now in operation, for the
benefit of the poor.
The meetin then adjourned amidst
rate enthoosiasm.
P.S. The following was sent up
o the kommittee, to be adopted with
he other resolushuns; but as it was
hot to be the work of fiat loontic,
did not meet with thare approval
Resolved that the gineral government
hood grant pension to bachelors
md old maids. Yours, etc.