The National tribune., 1882-11-23
SOME SIDE-SPLITTERS.
What the Funny Fellows are Saying In the New.

| What the Funny Fellows Saying In the News
papers.
| The plague of mice-the cat.-P,tck.
| A waist -basket-a pair Of corsets. - BOston
! Herald
Pat-"An' is it the next train for Boston ye
want? Faith, that went an hour ago, SOFT"
-HarUard Lampoon
! Leander opened the MARINE Court" when
he first swan across the Hellespont to meet his
| darling.-Ne,0 York Ne.rs.
| "The art that conceals art" as the thief re-
marked when he slid an expensive oil painting
under his coat.-Boston Transcript.
Mistress" We're you baptized, Keziah, when
you were named2" Maid-"Law, a'am, we
don't baptize in our church; we immerge."-
Harvard LampoOn.
The heathen have now given up the worship
of idols of their own creation, as they have
found that a very superior article of wooden
god can be furnished in New York-Bostos
Post
curious custom in China is the exhibition
of fish on every house where boy has been
born to the family during the year. We sup
pose when a girl is born they stick up hook
I anu 1Iue-1 HLuletpNtI AejCS.
Widow woman ito chemist who was weigh
ing grain of calomel in dispensing prescrip-
tion for her sick child -" Man, ye medina be-
sac schrmpy wi t; It's for puir fatherless
bairn london Punch.
In learning that the young Taupin had just
received an Inheritance one of his creditors
hastened to present his bill. "Oh, don't let US
of J. Al,
have thrown a veil over the past !"-Frencb
Paper.
Doctor to an acquaintance" Mr.. Jones' am
glad to see you have recovered" Mr.. Jones'
Yes, ysu have saved my life; how can I
thank you sufficientIy2" Doctor-"I saved
your life? Why, didn't attend you" Mr.
Jones" Yes-aud that is why 1 am so CRATE
ful."-Qmy
youthful aspirant to poets honors, whose
maiden attempt bore the title of Simply to
Thy Cross l Cling" was struck dumb with hor-
ror when it appeared in the next weekly edi-
tiOn oftbe town paper under the title of Simple
Little Cross-Eyed Thing" Free Press.
4" Have yer jined the Salvation Army, Bill?"
Bill" No, l amt, but my Missus have; and
the kids has joined the Blue Ribbons. Pm
thinking of going in for the LOngfellow Morial
Committee. Seems as how nowadays bloke
amt in it unless he goes and joins something!"
London World.
They were discussing Thackeray's English
Humorists" "Who was it, Miss Cutting that
said, True wit never produces smile?" "I
really can't tell you, Mr. Quotation but it seems
to me he must have heard good many of you
college men telling jokes or he'd never have
taken such dismal view of ife"-HarvGrd
LampOon.
"When did the first train leave Austin for
San AntOnio?" asked a stranger at the railway
depot of GiIheoly. The first train left San
Antonio when the railroad was completed be-
tween the two cities; that was about two years
ago. You don't expect to go over on it, do
you?"-TerGs SJ3iags.
did you see dat hoss youwas talkin' of
buyin'?" asked one Austin darkey of another.
"Yes, I seed him. q Did you buy de hoss?"
No, 1 didn't buy him, bekase dar was no
mutuality" "What do you mean niggah?"
"Dar was no mutually. 1 seed enuH OBJ de
hoss. but de hosS didn't see enuff OBJ me. He
was blind in one eye. Oar has to be more mu-
tuality in hoss trade"-Teras Siftings.