davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21
Counting by Telegraph.

During the last two years Miss Louise
Elb and Miss Laura. Jordan, telegraph
operators, have worked together in the
Western Union Office at St. Joseph, Mo.
Persons about the Office who could not
read the tickings of Miss Elb's instru-
ment were puzzled frequently to see Miss
Jordan put her hands to her ears. The
very inquisitive, noticing that during the
quick motions she showed bits of cotton
into the arlricular channels, sometimes
would ask if anything was wrong, but
Miss Jordan would avoid the question.
Not until two weeks ago, indeed, was
light thrown upon the mysterious move
ments of the young woman and the smil-
ing habits of her associate. Then it was
revealed that Miss Elb is to be married
shortly; that the young man in the case
is John Martin, a Kansas City operator,
and that the young couple have been
making love by wire since 1879. In that
year they agreed upon cipher alphabet,
by the use of which many tender senti-
ments were passed to and fro. Miss
Jordan soon caught up the key, how
ever; and, that she might not be in the
way, kindly stopped her ears. The men
in the Office often wondered at Miss Elb's
thoughtful silence and the happy smiles
that completely mastered her as she sat
at her operating desk, and now they
know the secret they insist that she shall
be married by wire, but, being sensi-
bic girl, she prefers the hand-to-hand
custom. Philadelphia Times.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21
A High-TOned Porter,

A certain urbane resident of this city
recently paid visit to Butte, Montana.
He stopped at one of the first-class hotels
of Butte, and, in consideration of his
standing here, he was given the 'sboss''
room off the parlor on the ground floor.
The next morning after his arrival he
appeared at the door of the office without
any too many clothes on and, with
good deal of decision in his tone, informed
the porter of the establishment that a
pitcher of water was wanted IN No. -.
and then withdrew
The porter was struck dumb for a mo-
ment, but, catching his breath, he ex-
claimed: 1.-The blamed tenderfoot. A
pitcher of water! Well, if he stays here
long enough, he will find out that if he
finds water in the barrel at the further
end of the woodshed he will be doing a
Moulton business. He must think that
he is at the st. James in New York, or
at the Grand Pacific in Chicago. As
though man would work up in this eli
mate at twelve dollars week and then
pack water for such looking specimen
as that A pitcher of water needed!
should not wonder. 1t will be needed a
good while. What does he take me for?
Does he think | am afourteen-inch Corn
ish pump on the Alice, regulated at thir-
teen strokes minute? Does he think |
am spring or well, or an abandoned
shaft that is full of water? Does he re-
gard me as the new water-works? Do |
resemble Yosemite falls? Have | a
Niagara profile? What ais the man?
The idea that man would come to a
climate like this, and among such COM
forts as ere lavished ON people here, be-
come so onery as to turn chambermaid
and pack water for every duffer from the
cow counties that strays off this way?"
By this time the porter had worked him
self into a fury and demanded to be
shown the man that had insulted him by
asking him to turn himself into water
cart. Just then another gentleman, also
from this city, mildly informed the irate
porter that in the lower country, the gem
tryman who had called for water was a
hotel-keepef himself; that, in fact, at
home he ran two hotels.
''Two hotels!' Numbered the porter:
1.-TWO hotels; show him to me; show him
to me just once, will teach him that
whatever he does in Salt Lake, he cannot
run a hotel in Butte, a hotel Why,
confound him, he can't run one room UP
here
The Salt Lake hotel-keeper left Butte
by the first train. On the way down, in
response to the question: ''What do you
think of Butte?'' he Immediately replied
with smile, 1.-The town is most promis-
ing, and the people are exceedingly
pleasant. But the first thing he ordered
on his arrival here was bath.-SaN
Lake Tribune.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A half loaf is better than a whole
loafer.- Whitehall Times.
There are people who will buy any
thing on sight if they can be allowed to
pay for it on time.-NeW Orleans Plea
yatae.
"A new law in Kansas forbids mar
riage within six months after divorce 1t
is believed that this law was passed for
the benefit of insane people. Chicago
Tribune.
-" Mamie" said he, and his voice
was singularly low, will you be my
wifeP Will you cling to me as the tender
vine clings to the" " Yes, catch
on" said she.-Patck
"A New York tourist who ate an alli-
gator beefsteak in Florida didn't get the
taste out of his mouth until he had eaten
half peck of onions and four dozen her.
rings. -Detro1 Free Press.
"A Chicago woman wrote to her
friends in Boston that "she lived in
Hide Park" When they came out to
visit her they found the artless thing out
at the Stock Yards--Burlingto' Haa0k-
Eye.
1.-THE truth always pays in the end
is an old saying, and that is the reason,
probably, why there is so little of it told
at the beginning of any business trans
Acknowledgement Journal.
Christmas poem by our picked
poet: Pated familias, daughter, Lamb
to the slaughter; seal skin he bought
'er; He did what he ought er. Sing
N. Y. Commercial Advertiser.
The continued mild weather, and no
water pipes frozen, comes in rather
badly. The plumbers have started
newspaper, and have no revenue to sup
port it. Caught in their. own ''trap."
Ha, ha.-Neao Haven Register.
"A lady demonstrated with a green
girl who had washed table-dish in
wash-basin. She nearly convulsed the
whole family by replyingi "Well, mum.
but clanes the basin agin afore anybody
washes in tie Roy Times.
What DIR. Holland says about pow
erty being such a good thing for a young
man is well enough if not carried too far
1t should always be remembered that
this is one of the glorious countries where
~ 10 w SOO WV MUM VI "a SOOh
thing.-Bm6ato Express.
=" Which had you rather have SON
NY" said fond father, coaching up his
Oldest for Christmas, Bunyan's Pill
grims Progress or Baxter's Saints
Restp'' Gimme sled an pair o
club skates and I'll knock the stuffin'
Outen all the book-worms in the block"
-New Hdcen Register.
Mabel is Sitting at the Piano, and
she is Singing Song. The Song Says
he is Waiting for Her in the Cleaning.
Mabel appears to be Giving herself Dead
Away. He is Not Waiting for her in the
Cleaning at all. He has just Drawn a
bobtail Flush, and he is Wondering
whether he had Better Pull out or Stand
in on Bluff Mabel would Touch a
Chord in his Bosom if she
were to Sing take Back the Hand which
thou Gavest.-Dencer Tribune Primer.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.


Rhode Island has larger school
income than any other State except Mas
saehusetts.
Three Congressional churches have
been dedicated in Denver Col, within
six months; all free from debt.
The corner stone of the new State
and Normal School at Los Angeles.
Cal, was recently laid with impressive
ceremonies.
Senator Sherman offers to donate
ten acres of land in Mansfield, o., or
forty acres in the suburbs, to Witten-
berg College, provided it will settle
thereon.
Pittsburgh has increased the salaries
of those teachers receiving under $50
month 10 per cent. Those who have
been receiving $50 and over are to have
an increase of 10 per cent.
The pastorate of Calvary Church,
New York, with its income of $4,000
year, has been declined by Rev. Canon
Carmichael, of Hamilton, Canada, to
whom it was offered recently.
The Gustav Adolf Verein, society
in Germany which assists in the building
of Protestant churches in Catholic coun-
tries, last year received $4,000 and
built twenty-five churches and six par
sonages.
The Indian Presbytery, at its recent
meeting in Lennox, in the Choctaw Nation
licensed one of the elders in the church
at that place to preach. He is said to
have studied two years, and to be man
of promise.
From March l to December I
missionaries of the American Sunday
school Union in the North Western De-
partment established 492 new Sunday
schools, having a membership of 2,076
teachers and II, 1868 scholars
Professor Phelps thus raps the cry
ing clergyman: g Tears are sometimes
nothing but nervous luxury. In pub
lie speaker tears are an intirmity TO be
got rid of, never a gift to be vain of
His advice to weeping clergymen is ex-
cellent: " Use tonics; study mathemat-
les; take the fresh air; take the saddle
Great interest is felt in Chicago in
the establishment of free Kindergartens
for the children of the poorer classes. Five
or six of these are already in operation in
quarters where there is most need of
them. Mrs. E. w. Blatchford is the
leader in this work. She has sustained
one of these schools at her own expense
for several years past. ..
The members of the Protestant
Episcopal Church in the United States
daring the past year gave $7,311,7S4
for its support, an increase of $29S,032
over their gifts of last year. Ithas sixty
five Bishops, 3,401 clergymen, and
3,035 parishes, and 344,5S0 commune
cants, an average of one clergyman to
each 102 COMMITMENTS. The baptisms
during the year have shown decrease
of 5000.
President Porter, of Yale, takes oc-
casion to declare that in the instruction
department of the college no religious
tests are applied. 1t is not even de-
manded that instructors shall formally
express faith in God or shall use any
religious influences. ''But we do re-
quire," he says, ''that no influences or
instructions in any unchristian direction
shall be allowed, whether directly or in
directly, and we expect that the public
will hold us severely to this as our
duty"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21
4 TWILIGHT PASTORAL.

Katie takes the milking pail,
And to the meadow trips along;
The sunbeams slant along the vale,
And sweetly rings her milking-song:
"Heighol heigho!
A milking go.
Come, Spot, and ocme, Bonnie,
Come, Brindle, come, Brownie:
The sun fast is sinking, ....
The bright stars are blinking;
Come to me, my darliRgs,
It's Katie who calls"
The meadows in the gold rain glisten,
Tbs cricket stops his chirp to listen;
AS DER the grass the sweet voice rings.
Lol high upon the topmost spray,
A robin gayly sings.
Colin hears the sweet voice call,
And sees the kline 60 lowing to her;
No call for him, and yet he goes,
All! twilight is the time to WOO her;
'tHeighol heighOl
A milking go.
Come, Spot, and come, Bonnie,
Come, Brindle, come Brownie,
The sun fast is sinking,
The bright stars are blinking;
Come to me, my darlings,
Ills Katie who calls"
So Colin leans upon the bars,
And wooeth Katie, till the stars
Shine through the haze the twilight brings,
And still, upon the topmOSt spray,
The robin gaily sings.
The years they roll, the summers go,
The grass springs green, the waters How,
And Katie gray, with Colin sitting,
He with his pipe, she with her knitting,
As twilight shadows, trooping throng,
Hears another Katie's song:
'Heighol heighol
A milking go.
Come, Spot, and come, Bonnie,
Come, Brindle, come, Brownie;
The sun fast is sinking
The bright stars are blinking;
Come to me, my darlings,
'Tis Katie who calls"
And sees within the meadow fair,
Another Colin wooing there;
While from the vale the sweet voice rings,
10! high upon the topmost spray,
A robin gayly sings.
-Cenf,IYpI
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21
Mems Hats and Heads.

A man with broad head at the back
rarely has faith in Creator. A long
headed man is close, smart, and far-see-
ing. Narrow at the temples denotes a
misery disposition. A lopsided head is
that of crank. A person whose fore
head is broader than the back is dumb.
Colonel John w. Forney never came to
the store, but there was another gentle
man who purchased his tiles here, and
and the hats fitted the Colonel exactly.
When he wanted new article he would
send here, and it was no trouble to fit.
He had a good head. Prof Allen, of
Girard College, has remarkable head.
He takes. the same size hat as ex-Gover-
nor Curtin, although neither could wear
the others hat. Curtin's head is short
and bulgy at the back, while the Profess
sor's is long and slightly wider at the
back than in front. The circumference
of the heads of these two gentlemen is
the same as was that of ex-President
Martin Van Buren,, yet the latter would
have appeared odd with the hat of either
of the persons named perched on his
head. A small front and large back is
the typical German head. The Phila-
delphia newspaper men have strange
heads, and the most of these fellows are
queer in their ideas. The boss politicians
have good heads all through, and if it
was not for offending them would lay
sketches of their craniums before the
public. The largest hat have seen re-
Gently is made for monstrosity living
at Burlington, n. j., and the hat held a
bushel. This mans head is so big that
he cannot carry it, and he is compelled
to lie in bed nearly all the time Men
who require hats over ''eight'' size are
not well balanced. The average size of
heads is seven and one-eighth, but it is
no credit to man to have small head,
provided what is in it is distributed pro-
perly. You will observe that it is Just as
dangerous for man to have too great a
development of head as it is to have too
contracted one. The old saying of
big head, little wit,
Little head, not Bit
is not sound one, because have the
personal acquaintance of gentleman
well-known in this city, and who is the
secretary and treasurer of large manu-
featuring company, who requires only a
six and quarter hat, although he is a
large man and his physical development
otherwise is good. Notwithstanding the
small head, this gentleman has one of
the brightest minds in Philadelphia, and
is thorough-going business man. He
is well known to the cotton and wool
trade of this city. But there is this
peculiar feature about it-a person whose
head is very small or large is exceeding
y vain, and has good opinion of him
self, in fact, much better than any other
people have of him.-A Halter IN Phila-
1el3)b1n Record
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21

There are many reasons why you
can stock your farm more cheaply with
sheep than any other animals. Less
money will be needed for shelter and
fencing. They will utilize every thing
which grows on farm, and, with the
exception of hogs, the returns will come
ip sooner and oftener than with any farm
stock. If your land is poor and needs
enriching sheep will thrive where cows
would need much extra feed, and at the
same time they will be making the land
better. Do not invest in poor stock.
Better have few good grades than a
flock of poor, scrubby animals.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-01-21
The new postage stamps issued b,

The new postage stamps issued by
by the English Government have APP
peared on matter recently received by
mail. The Queens head is in profile,
and besides the denomination is printed
around the head the legend Postage
and inland revenue" The mystifying
letters, which were at the four corners
of the old stamps, are r)t included in
the design.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-09
THE ADJOURNMENT OF CONGRESS.

WASHINGTON, Aug. Sin the senate
when the hand of the clock indicated the
hour of three the presiding officer formally
terminated session in brief speech. He
said:
Senators: After very long and very
laborious session, in which the senate has
performed it's part of the public duty faith
fully we are about to separate. My
thanks are due to each and every member
of this body for generous consideration and
for friendly support of the chair. Wishing
you all health and happiness, now declare
the senate adjourned without day
The announcement of the chair was re-
ceived with applause and the members in
dulged in mutual congratulations and fare
wells. The number of visitors and sight
seers were much less than usual on the last
day of session.
In the house the proceedings were sim
liar.
The hour of three having arrived Speak
er Keifer addressed the house as follows:
This house is about to terminate its first
session. 1t has been an important one to
the country. With thanks for generous
and kind treatment on the part of the
house, and with my best wishes for all its
members, regardless of party. | now, as
authorized and required by the concurrent
resolution of the senate and house of rep
resentatives, declare this house adjourned
without day loud applause.)
After spending about half an hour in
hand shaking and taking leave of each
other, the members left the hall, many of
them going direct to the depots.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-09
MISCELLANEOUS.

Australia with 100000 people, has
S0,000,000 sheep. The colonies there are
the richest in the world.
An Australian authority gives it as his
opinion that the American thoroughbred
has more stamina than the English.
The weather has favored harvesting in
Michigan, and the wheat crop is immense.
The crop is estimated at 100000 bush
els.
Lord Roseberry sold his yearling
thoroughbreds recently. He had nine
head and they aggregated $15, 325. averag-
ing $1,714.
Very nearly half the winnings at the
trotting m Get at Chicago went to Kentucky
bred horses; in other words, these won
$16,00
The king of Belgium has entered suit
for $40, 600 alleged to have been deposit
ed by Belgian fugitive, who stole 81, 700,-
900 from the king.
John G. Craft, cashier of the Exchange
bank. of Frank, Pennsylvania has been
specializing in oil and is behind from $780,
600 to 100000.
A writer in the New York Sportsman
expresses the view that Gladiator is
probably the best horse foaled out of
England that ever run there.
Never before has there been such an
enormous wheat crop for shipment from
Lexington, Kentucky. The railways are
short of cars and unable to supply the de-
mand
There is now in bond, in the Lexington
Kentucky, district, $1,000, 000Igallons of
whisky, the largest amount at any time
since the organization of the internal
revenue district.
In Racine, Wisconsin, the other day a
thief stole quantity of original poetry of
the alleged value of $500, The wonder is
how he could ever get away with it and
elude discovery.
Guy Smith, twelve-year. old boy, who
shot and killed his father at Kirkwood,
Missouri, few weeks ago, has been
found guilty of murder, and will probably
be sentenced to the gallows.
The sundry civil appropriation bill, as
to the senate, increases the house
bill by 81, 7S8, 900, making a total of $25,-
764,0 Among the additions is $4,000
to bring the bodies of belong and com
P anions to the United States.
= SSSs {
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-09
PITY IT'S IT'S TRUE"
Missouri

The Sidney, o., } Journal Republican
paper, has this to say of J. Warren Kei-
fer
1t is said, and truthfully too, that a
vast sum of money was used by Gen. Keif-
er and his monopolist henchmen to procure
his nomination. This was feared, for a
man who organized the committees of the
house in the interests of corruption, thus
debasing the third Office in Importance in
the government as it never had been before,
would stoop at nothing, and the means for
the ignoble subsidy, it was known, would
not be wanting. There was no doubt but
that the means would be used but there
was confidence reposed in the supposed
sterling virtue of this intelligent district
which was dissipated by last Saturdays ac-
ton. Men whe had been outspoken in
their condemnation of Keifer. and who
had urged Kennedy to become a candidate
for the place, turned their backs upon their
word and strenuously advocated the nom
ination of him whom they had so energet-
ically denounced. The fight and its i'm
portance do not stop with the defeat of
one man and the triumph of another. 1t
has deeper and wider signigcance. 1t is
the triumph of baneful influence, which
has been the corrupting poison in the
slums of our cities, in one of the fairest re-
publican rural districts in this country.
1t is the breaking out, in the hitherto
healthy air of this region, of the damning
plague that has festered for years in the
dens of vice"
The Journal also says:
''It seems almost Incredible that man
should be Endorsed by Republicans whose
incompetency has put the tinge of shame
on the cheek of every honest Republican
in the land, and whose organization of the
committees in the interest of corruptionists
and monopolies is a national scandal. His
denomination will cost the party in Ohio
tn ousands of votes"
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-09
A LOCOMOTIVE WHOSE AGE WILL BE
MILLIONS OF YEARS.

The Philadelphia B0ening Bulletin re-
tells the story of the locomotive which ran
through broken bridge on the Kansas
Pacific railway across Kiowa creek, several
years ago, sinking into the mud at the bot
tom and has never since been heard from.
though repeated efforts have been made,
by digging and boring, to recover so valu
able property. The bottom is a quick
sand, and even quicksands have limits, and
it seems very singular that the longest
boring-rod has failed to find any trace of
the sunken engine. By and by, the Bulletin
suggests, the silent, mysterious operations
will drain the quicksand and harden it into
rock, and then, long after the Kansas Pa
cific road has been forgotten, and the Kio
wa creek has vanished from the map, some
future scientist will discover curious
piece of mechanism, undoubtedly the work
of human hands, lying under SO many
hundred feet of undisturbed sandstone,
and will use the fact as a basis for calcu-
lating how many million years old the hui
man race must be. Thus history will re-
peat itself, as it has often done and will
continue to do.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-08-09
FIXING HIS OWN FINE.

From the Cincinnati Gazette
Mr.. s. Whitfield is a rather tall, digni
fed looking man. whose gray hairs pro
claim the fact that he has performed two
thirds of ife's journey, at least. He is
before the court at regular intervals, al
ways on the same charge of drunkenness
He bowed politely to Judge Higley yester-
day morning, and his honor returned the
salute.
We'll" said the latter, cit is stated on
the docket that you were drunk"
Eyes"
When did you get out of the workhouse,
Mr.. WHITFIELD"
Now. Judge, that's unknd | have
get out" replied Mr.. Whitfield. with dig
nifty. Il have always paid my fine.
And can you pay one now?"
Yes"
well, how much now, do you think you
ought to pay?"
Il don't know, judge, just how much.
You've got as good an idea of that as
have" said the prisoner, attempting cal
culation so far as / recollect it was a
simple drunk"
"What did we agree upon the last time?"
said his honor with a kindly smile.
Il don't just remember, judge. | believe
you taxed me about five and costs"
Would you consider $40 and costs too
much on the present occasion, from all you
know of the circumstances?
II reckon that would be about fair,
Judge
Very well, am anxious to have you
perfectly content. Let it be $40 and
costs. Good morning"
Good morning, judge" returned Mr..
Whitfield, bending gracefully and waving
his hat in a friendly farewell as he descend
ed to the lower regions in company with
the officer amid the laughter of the audi
tory