Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1882-12-23
NEW vol. B--NO is.


ONcf u.
When the plasterer is at work upon \
criling il may BE- said chat he understands
his business.
ifyou want to find o,It whether woman
is true lady or not, just step on the train
Of der best dress.
Girls are more courageous than men.
They are ready 10 make match with
fellow tsice their size.
"Wh1 is the worst thing about rich~s?"
asked the Sunday School superintendent.
Aud rhe new boy said: Not having any"
A man may forget his business, his
family, aud all his sacred obligations of
life, but he always remembers where he
got that counterfeit bill.
A Michigan man dreamed recently that
his aunt was dead. The dream CAME true.
lie tried the same dream on his mother
in-law, but il didn't wark.
Now, Sammy, have you read the story
ct Jos, phy' "Oh, Yes, uncle" well.
then. what wrong did they lo when they
sold their brothers" "rhey sold him too
cheap"
What are eggs this morning:" Eggs,
of COURSE" says the dealer, humorously.
"Wrll," adds the customer, II am glad of
it, Tor the last bought OF you were
chickens"
The grasshopper has, according 10 It's
size, l20 times the Kicking power Of an
average man. Ii must bc exciting times
Tor the young grasshoppers which 10
counting and lind the cid mau AT rome.
A woman lately looked al printing
press ut work, when she turned TO her
companion an,l in Il most earnest manner
inquired: "Well, Charley, an Ihems tho
thinSs is writes the papers. Be's them
What they call ediIorss"
A man made application for insurance
on building situated IN Il village where
there was no ,rr engine. lie was asked,
"What are the means la your village for
extlnsuishing iircs?" "Well, IL rains
sometimes, =" he replied.
The ,lracon's son was telling the min
lister about the bees StinginS his pa, and
the minister inquired: 'SIung your pa,
did theyg Well, what lid your pa sayr"
step this way "a moment" said the boy,
"rd rather whisper it To you"
A very old lady on her dcath-bed, In
penitential mood, said: IL have t,en
great sinner more than eighty year,, and
didn't know It," An old colorcd woman,
who had lived with her a long time, ex-
claimed, Laws, knOwcd 1t all tie time"
A lawyer recently lost n bride Ia u pc
culiar way. He appeared at the wedding,
but, on being called To the eel eniony, from
sheer foic &c of habit protested that lac was
not really To proceed, ami demanded de-
lay. And SO the bride got mad and shipped
him.
"A horse! u horse! my kingdom for 4
horse!' cried celebrated tragetlian.
"Wouldn'ta jickass do ~ wclY" inquired
MI affected young man, rising In his seat.
Yes" triumphantly exclaimed the actor,
''just step this way, sir." The young mnn
sat down.
Never would call boy Of mine
Alias" said Mrs. Jones, Of Huntsville,
Ala, "if had hundre 10 name. Men
by that name Is allus cuttin' up eapers.
iirre is Alias Thompson, Alias Williams,
Alias, the Night Hawk-all been took up
for siealin'."
General Sherman. In y speech at Fort
I.cav-nwor.h recently, told how, during
his Atlanta campaign, he had his m.:ps
printed Oh muslin, 80 as not Ia tear la the
wind, but lac added that they soon became
scarce, because they were go handy Tor
handkerchief.
An old story Is being revived OF
prayer meeting held for poor fellows
relief who had broken his leg. While
Deacon Brown was praying, tall fellow
with AN ox-goad knocked nj The door,
saving, Father could not come, but sent
his prayers in the cart" They were po-
tatoes, beef, pork and corn.
"what do you call themf" asked little
fellow OF young Brown who was making
call. what do 4 call them! Why,
should call them beans" ''rherc," sail
tie small brother. turning triumphaDily
to his sister, "You sald That Mr.. Brown
didn't know beans, but be does" Aud
9-year-oId boy left the room wearing
l2-year-old smile.
When he had called the meeting TO order
Brother Gardner arose aud said: Gem
len, II II wasn't for DC wheels Oh way
gin de waggin wouldn't move. when de
wheels AIN OF, den wiiaif" "Crease,"
solemnly exclaimed All old man. "k' rect"
said the president, softly, rubbing bis
hands together. eve hez de wsggin an
de wheels. We will now pass de has
aloun' for de grease"
An American who had been To Europe
was telling friend, who knew he was
liar, about his trip across the AtIsaie, and
how, on the 25th Of the month, they en-
tered a swarm Of locusts, that cnrried
every stitch Of canvass of the ship" The
listener looked thougiitlulIy . moment,
and tLen said, besitatingIy, Yes. gne>s
we inc. tile same swarm Of IocDsts the
next day, the 2oth, Every locust had Ola
a pair Of canvass pants" The first liar
went around q corner aud kicked hiniSclf.
Ex-Congressman slcmnions teils OF
pair Of feet that must have been objects