Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-06-13
Iowa Girls at Auction.
From the.Des Moines Register.

FOR new schemes OF raising money,
church sociables are and always have
been peculiar. To attain this end
they will countenance even the less
harmful plans OF Satan and pronounce
them good. The church treasury,
which ought to always to be full, but
which sometimes becomes so mourn
fully empty, must be replenished,
and after the ordinary means of fill
ing it are tried and fail, other means
are resorted to, among which are
mentioned grabsbags,.. kissing games
whre the cash value of the OSCILLATION
is governed almost intirely by the
personal charms of the female
osculator, and festivals where it costs
10 cents to get in and almost any
number of times that amount of doll
lars to get out; and various other
schemes which entrap the masculine
victim who shivers with delight while
the game goes on, but denounces
himself in unmeasured terms for a
qualified idiot on the following day
when reason resumes its seat, and
the full force of his diminished
pocketbook is felt.
Up at Clear Lake that center of
summer pleasure parties and Sab
bath school associations in Iowa, the
church became tired Of these old
stereotyped plans of raising money,
the inner consciousness of some bright
and anew scheme was evolved from
genius. The tre4sury of the Con-
greationalist Church became rather
bare, and so the young folks got
together and determined to fill it
even to overflow After prolonged
discu- sion it was decided to bring
abont the desired end by putting all
the girls Of tie church up at auction
to be disposed of tothe highest bidder.
The time came around, and every
young man in or near Clear Lake
who had any money orcould possibly
borrow any was promptly on hand,
eager to bid to the fullest extent.
Bnt there were some of the girls on
whom it would have been impossible
to obtain the bid of an old-fashioned
copper cent, while there were others
whom the love sick SWANS would
willingly have bid their last dollar,
and in the spirit of Artemus Ward,
the last dollar Of any of their relatives.
So to give all of the boys an equal
chance, the girls were wrapped up
in sheets, so as to be completely
unacceptable. Each young man
was positive that beneath the snowy
folds of the sheets he could discern
the outline of the girl on whom he
dotted, and where from fifteen to TWEEN
ty of the Young fellows singled
out one particular sheeted object
on which to stake their fortunes,
excitement ran high and money ran
ut of pocket books like water down
slanting roof.
After all the fair ones were dis
posed of, the order was given to
haul up the sheets" and then
ensued an understandable scene of
mingled happiness and disappoint-
ment. Maidens who had been
purchased for a mere song, owing to
lack of bidders, turned out to be
the best-looking girls in the town,
while beings whose sylph like ap>
pearance under sheet excited the
greatest admiration, and drew hard
earned money from unwilling pocket
books, were found to be most com
monplace creatures, indeed. But all
made the best of it, and the disap-
pointed ones bore themselves bravely
Altogether, the plan was great
success; and as long as churches will
raise money by lottery schemes, why
not adopt this method? It is as
harmless, and yet as productive of as
much good to the participants, as
any game Of chance we know of. It
gives the homely girls and bashful
boys an equal chance with their
respective opposites, besides results
ing in a grand financial success, and
we look for its general adoption. To
be sure, it is asking good deal of
modest, womanly, refined girls. But
than church sociables are always do
ing that!
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