The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-05-26
Intcnsely Utter.
lRockland Courier.1


The daughter Of Rockland man,
who has grown comfortably well-off in
the small grocery line, was sent away
to ''female college," and arrived home
for vacation. The old man was in at
tendance ut tire depot when the train ar
rived, with the old horse in the delivery
wagon, to convey his daughter and her
trunk to the house. When the train
had stopped a bewitching array of dry
goods and wide-brimmed hat dashed
from the car and flung itself into the
elderly party's arms.
why, You superlative pal" she ex-
claimed, "Tm SO utterly glad to see
youl"
The old man was somewhat unnerved
by the greeting, but he recognized the
sealskin cloak as the Identical piece of
property he had paid for with the bay
mare, and he sort of squat it up in his
arms. and planted kiss where it would
do the most good, with a report that
sounded above the roar of the noise Of
the depot. In brief space OF time the
trunk with its attendant baggage were
loaded into the wagon, which was soon
humping along over the bubbles toward
home.
Spa, DEAR" said the young miss, sur
veying the team with critical eye, "do
you consider this quite excessively
beyond?"
"Hey?" returned the old man, with a
puzzled air, "quite excessively what?
Beyond Warren? / consider it some
what about ten miles beyond Warren,
countin' from the Bath way, ii that's
what you mean"
ooh no, pa. you don't understand
me-" the daughter explained; ~ mean
this horse and wagon. Do you think
they are soulful?-do you think they
could be studied apart in the light of
symphony, or even simple poem, and
appear so intensely utter to one on re-
turning home as one could express?"
The old man twisted uneasily in his
seat, and muttered something about
what he believed it used to be used for
an express-wagon before he bought ii to
deliver pork in, but the conversation
appeared to be travelling in such lone
some direction, that he fetched the
horse resembling crack on the rotunda
and the severe jolting over the frozen
ground prevented further remarks.
"Oh, there is that lovely and con-
summate ma" screamed the returned
collegiatess, as they drove up at the
door, and presently sho was lost i'll the
embrace of a motherly woman in spec
tacles.
swell, Maria" said the old man at
the supper table, as he nipped a piece
of butter off the lump with his own
knife, "and how do you like your
SCHOOL,"
"WelI, there, pa, now you shout
mean / consider it far too beyond" re-
piled the daughter. 1T is nnquencha-
bly, ineffable. The girls are SO sumptu-
ously stunning-I mean grand-so ex-
quisite-so intense And then the
parties, the ball. the rides-oh, the past
weeks have been one sublime har-
mony!"
Il s'pose sol s'pose So" nervously
assented the old man as he reached for
his third cup, "half full, ""-"but how
about your books-readin', writin',
grammar, rule o. three-how about
them?"
Spa, don'tl' exclaimed the daughter,
reproachtully; 'the rule of three! gram
mar! 1t is French, and music, and
painting and the divine art that has
made my schOol-life the bos-I mean
thave have rendered it one unbroken
flow of rhythmic bliss-incomparably
and exquisitely all butp'
The grocery man and his wife looked
helplessly at each other across the table.
After lonesome pause the old lady
said:
"How do you like these biscuits,
Mary?"
'"They are too utter for anything"
gushed the accomplished young lady,
land this plum preserve is simply
poem in ITSELF"
The old man abruptly rose from the
table and went out of the room, rubbing
his head in a dazed and benumbed man.
ner, and the mass convention was dis
solved. That night he and his wife sat
alone by the stove until late hour, and
at the breakfast table the next morning
he raped smartly on his plate with the
handle of his knife and remarked:
"Maria. me and your mother have
been talkin' the thing over. and we've
come to the conclusion that this board
house business is too utterly all but too
much nonsense. Me and her consider
that we haven't lived sixty odd consum-
mate years for the purpose of raisin'
curiosity, and there's goin' to be stop
put to this unquenchable foolishness.
Now, after you've finished that poem of
fried sausage and that symphony of
twisted doughnut, you take and dust up
stairs in less'n two seconds, and peel of
that fancy gown and put on a caliker.
and then come down here and help your
ma wash dishes. / want it distinctly
understood that there amt goin't to be
no more rythmic foolishness in this
house 80 longs your superlative pa and
your lovely an consummate mas run
MIN the ranch. You hear me, Maria?"
Maria was listening.