Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1882-08-26
spoopESoYxE AS A FARMER.
Ms Experience IN 5drrsAso Wssm nnd other
Things.
R..lo

/ --O~--~S @-e@6~~f
"This," said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
as he gazed around on his new ac-
QUESTION of six acres, "this, my
dear, is what / have always wanted.
A farm and far mer's life are the
highways to happiness, Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, don't you think sO?"
"It's perfectly lovely" rejoined
Mrs. SpOopendyke. 81 was born on
Il farm, and / was always healthy,
though had to go good ways for
water"
"Ill fix that, my dear" returned
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "I'll bring the
water. Now where are my agrIcul-
tural reports? l must plant right off
if we are going to have crops, and
when they're ripe Well take them
to market"
81 see the report says you must
give your hen chopped turnip once
in a WHILE" said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, putting her thumb on the
paragraph.
"Either that or cabbages," re-
turned her husband. az don't
know whether Wen have cabbages
enough" he continued, musingly.
"You might have less buck
wheat" suggested Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. 81 should think, though, that
two acres would be enough for one
hen, and if it isn't you can buy a
load now and then from the neigh
bors."
"I'n think that over" replied Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Here's one thing
certain / don't understand. 1t says
we should test few seed before
| planting to make sure they will
| germinate, but it doesn't say how
to do it,"
"Maybe it means to boil them,"
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke, "or
perhaps you,-"
"Oh, perhaps you think it means
to crack 'em with an axe to see if
they are hard s'pose you've got
an idea you stick straws into 'em to
see if they're done! Well, you
don't; you put acid on 'em. I'll
get some acid and drop 'em in, and
if it discolors 'em they're no good,
and if it don't they're all right. l
think we ought to have some wee
vii for the pig"
81 don't know where you're GO
ing to plant it," said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, "unless it will grow with
buckwheat or onions. You can't
put it in with the cabbages because
the pig and hen would fight"
"Don't you know what weevel
| is" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke,
glaring at his wife. "Got a notion
it's some kind OF weed for the pig
to smoke, haven't you? Imagine
it's gilt edge note-paper with
monogram for him to write on,
don't you? Well, it isn't swal-
lOw-tail coat or a plug hat for him
to go to church in, neither You
don't plant weevil, Mrs. Spoopen-
| dyke, any more than you do soap,
or cloths-pins, or stair-rods. You
buy it in barrels, and pil order
| sOme.n
81 think we ought to have some
lace curtains for the front Windows
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke, anx-
| ious to change the conversation.
"Yes, and we want folding bed
stead for the COW, and we've got to
have a new armchair for the pig,
and Pm afraid those cahbages wont
do without wet-nurSe :" squealed
Mr.. SpOopendyke. 81 suppose I've
got to hire man to see that the
meadow don't go fishing on Sun
days and upset your religious no.
tiOns. o! you're Il farmers wife,
you are If had time to write an
index to you and get some dod-
gasted binder to tit you up and with
fy-leaf, you'd make whole agri-
| cultural rpnOrt -,
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot into
the house and to bed, while his
wife, having put all the oil-lamps
into buckets of water so they could
not explode during the night, fell
asleep dreaming that the cabbage
patch had elOped with the onions,
while the cow and pig had died Of
weevil, and the windmill had aban-
dOned agricultural pursuits and
started off through Ohio preaching
the gospel.