Arizona weekly enterprise., 1882-09-02
WIT AND HUM0R.

Men should learn humility. A light ming bug has six legs, man only two.
 The man who was thirteen days on a bicycle has just bought out pantaloons factory.
 People learn wisdom by experience, A man never wakes up his second baby to see it laugh.
 Taking things as they come is not so very distressing. It is parting with them as they go that cuts one to the soul.
 Eternal fitness was never more ap- propriately dove-tailed in than in the euphonious name of the German pianist, Hammeritt.
 ''We go in for the old flag" remark ed the property-owner who was ordered to lay new sidewalk along the front of his lot.
 ''How did you like the lecturerP'' 'I didn't like him at all. He gave us perfect Niagara of words and only riv- ulet of ideas''
 What is the difference between freight and cargo. 4 horse-car conductor says the passengers make the freight, and the horse makes the car go.
 ''Meanr' she cried, my husband is the meanest wretch in the world He won't give me the least excuse for con- blaming.
 'Hmm ejaculated Fogg. "So they say this play is taken from life? I should say rather that the life is taken from the play"
 In horse-car- -"Campbeu, my dear fellow, don't show good breeding to- ward the ladies or people will think you came from the country"
 ''Is it injurious to eat before going to sleep?" asks correspondent. Why no, not fatally injurious; but you just try eating after you go to sleep if you want to see circus.
 ''See, mammal" exclaimed a little child, as puss, with arching spine and elevated rudder, strutted around the table, "see, kitty's eaten so much she can't shut her tail downr'
 You do not deal death-blow to the Darwinian theory by saying, Man de- scended from the monkey, but what did the monkey descend fromP'' The mon key descended from the tree.
 ''Mother, what have people got noses for?' asked an Austin child of her moth CT, who had seen better days. Tot up at poor folks, my child" was the cynical response.
 q understand that your courtship with Charley is at an end" .'Yes," said she; Charley pressed his suit until it became threadbare, and then l gave him l the sack
 A Kentucky lover. who swore by the great horn spoon that he'd like to die for 1 his girl, stood on the river bank and saw another chap pull her from the wa ter, and never even offered him 15 cents reward.
 The thing now for city girls rusticat- ing in the country is to whittle miniature hay-ricks out of white wood and send them to their admirers in town. This l probably signifies Come and make hay while the sun shines"
 Things one would wished to have ex- pressed differently: Musical maiden T hope am not boring you, playing so much?" Enamored youth-"Oh. no! Pray go oni I-rd so much sooner hear you play than talkn'
 .'George, what lovely color for re- ception dress,'' said Mrs. Jones to her husband, viewing the electric light on Niagara Falls from the balcony of the Clifton house. "Yes," said MT. Jones, ''and what bath for Jumbo"
 A Hoosier youth named Gosley or Gosling, probably the latter, saw girl at church, courted her two hours, and at the end of three was married to her. A man who does up all his coUrting in two hours and marries misses lots of fun. It's like stuffing himself with peaches and cream in five minutes and then have having dyspepsia the rest of i the year.
 A nice judge, when asked why he had allowed totally unnecessary female witness to take the stand and testify, said: T knew thatsit was not necessary, but saw that she had anew bonnet and was striving to show it. ."
 Charles Lamb was once asked by a cheese-monger if he should send home fine ripe Stilton cheese for him. No, th-th-thank you," said, Charles. ''If you will give me Q bit of twine I COL cou-could, perhaps, l-l-l-lead it home" :"
 A Kansas newspaper joker published an item to the effect that the best look ing girls in the town chewed gum on the streets. Before the paper had been out an hour every girl in the town was to be seen on the streets chewing gum.
 The philosopher who discovered that an obedience to the golden rule was the cause of the negro's fondncss- for the whitewashing business may, perhaps, be able to tell why the Chinese. laundry man invariably has a red sign with white letters.
 Two years ago man in Georgia kill ed his wife. He fed, and has not yet been captured. In his stead two men have been arrested at different points ir the state. Each one had, as did the murderer, scar on his forehead, three on his face and an infexible big toe. q am ashamed of the effeminacy oi my sex.'' said a female orator. Look atyourfripperies and opportunities! Why ,, for instance, do you need parasols, wher , never used one?' And pet lninX an 7 swered: Because you are on tie shady side of life"
 4 new Mrs. Malaprop: In a suburban town lives a relative of the immorta
 Glrs. Malaprop. Inc other evening caller asked if Mr.-was at home anC could be seen. Il think not" was tht reply. ''I believe my husband has ex : pired for the night" ! An old citizen in country village, ol havinga subscription-list handed to hin
 toward purchasing a new hearse for thu place, thus excused himself: "I paid 8 : for new hearse forty years ago. anC . me and my folks hain't had the benei f of it yet"
 , '.It is long step" says S. G. W T Benjamin in the Century, in rapt admir- P ation of Mir. Bennett's steam yacht ? from the Mayflower to the Namouna. , It is, and it is also--although Mir. Ben - jamin fails to mention the fact-a lon:
 Sten frnn a niloI.inl father. tn lame