davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1882-10-13
PUGET SOUND ARuUS.
How Uncle Sile Ran a Caucus.

When poor old Uncle SllNs Patterson
went to his grave not mourner lOI-
lowed. and never will tear molsteh the
earth above him. In by.Gone days ne
ospirel to be political leader, and
there are plenty of men who remember
how be once ran a ward caucus. Know
inc his ambition 10 become n power IN
the Third ward, three or four old lokers
put up a plan to make him Chairman
of the caucus shortly to be held, ana
tbev visited him i'll body and eX-
plNined: ,..
Everything will depend on how You
RIM this caucus. Be calm. BE dlgnt-
fed Don't let any one ride over you.
One will movo this and the other that,
but YOU must refuse to entertain any
motions until you have ascertalned the
pleasure of the meeting.
Uncle Sile was delighted and pulled
ND, and he could hardly wait for the
hour which was to witness his triumph.
He was called to the chair, us planned,
and, after a few remarks TO prove
his gratitude, he called Tor order anu
said .
"Now, then, what is the pleasure OF
the meeting?"
A citizen rose in reply and began
"Imove you, Mr., Chairman, that we
now pro-"
"0rder Order |" called Uncle Sile.
81 am ia order" ,,
"You are not Take your seat or I'll
have you put out" :,
The astonished elector dropped back
to second fiddle, and Uncle Sile con-
tinued:
"Now, then, what is the pleasure OF
the meeting?" =,
AZ move that we proceed to bal"
It was another elector, and he had
only got thus far when the Chairman
cried out;
81 call for order. II we can't have
order we might as well adjourn. | now
ask you for the third time, What Is the
pleasure of the meetlng?"
The electors were dumbfounded for a
time, but one OF them recovered little
sooner than tho rest and asked:
"Is this caucus?"
"You bet |" answered Uncle Sile.
"Are we here to nominate ward Off
cers?"
"We are
"Then, sir, move that we pro"
"Order order! +" yelled the Chair
man. "Thats the third or fourth time
that trick has been tried here, and the
next man who makes motion before L
have found out the pleasure OF the meet
ing will be put out Now, then, is there
any pleasure in this meeting? Ii 50.
where is it and what is it ?"
He soon discovered. About twenty
men rushed for him at once, and he went
out of the window like bag OF sand,
and before he had come to the caucus
had transacted its business and adj
iourned. The incident not only cured
Uncle Sile's ambition to be o politician
but it is doubtful if he ever cast another
yote.-DetI'OH Free Press.
, 1882-10-13
" Couldn't, Think Of snch a ThIng.'

A newspaper man IN Nevada was
writing q story which had Tor its heroine
ono of his old flames, who had the good
'uck to escape carrying him. His wife
st the breakfast table was insisting that
she herself should he introduced in the
work OF bctlon AZ charming creature.
The husband demmred, saying his I'M
lgination was not equal 10 tue task. Tie
ocular debate Was carried to tho door
when liz was leaving ior the Office. His
vie stepped out anil cried alter him as
le reached the sidewalk "Well, 1
shall insist upon your marrying nag in
tho end.
"Condn't think of such = thing, my
,lear," responded the henrtless man,
,u5toning his coat and strldlng away.
Wnen he returned at noon Tor lunch the
partner of his poverty was in the lowest
stage of depression, aud ready to weep
Oh the slightes! indncement.
Whats the matter, dOvey ?" cooed
the mollsr of public opinion.
&atter?" whlmpcrcd doyey "mat-
Ter enough, plague take it. When You
went away this morning, and | called
nfter yUu that you must marry mo
meaning in that wrctched story-I didn't
zee until you had gone that Mrs. Jones
mad her head ont OF the window aud
Mrs. Brown On ilIe other side was sweep
ing off her porch. Both OF 'em looked
ut ms with eyes like saucers, and | was
80 coafu,ed when it flashed upon mo
wat they must think that blushed up
10 the roots Of my bang and rushed into
tue house. 1t wasn't ten minutes till |
saw Mrs. JOnes-I Was looking through
The bindS-till / saw Mrs. Jones glide
INTO Mrs. Browns, and she stayed there
for an hour. 1t is sure to be all over
Gown that we'ro not married"
, 1882-10-13
PROCLAMATION.
TERRITORY OF WASHINGTON
EXECUTIVE DEPAwTnESr

olympia, Sept.2 1871
WHEREAS, II II the duty Of the Executive ~
least sixty days before any general election 70 IT,
sue his proclamation designating the ohces W w
filed ut such election; . ,o,ir,,
Governor of said Territory. do hereby declare lhus
a general election will be held In said TERRITORY w
Washington on Tus sday, the seventh day OF W.,
yember A. p. one thousand eight hun0Ten, ul,a M
eghty-two, at which the following Iameu oni''''
will be elected: -, i th
A Dpeunte to represent said Territory III w"
Forty-clghth Congress Of the United States
a BrigHdier General,
a Qunrtermurtrr General.
A Commssary General.
An Adjutant General. ,,,,,o A.
Members of both branches Of the Legi'latiN' o.. D.,
sembly, and all county and precinct oIhCc'' -
quired by the laws Of said Territory
FIRST JUDICIAL DISTRICT.
Prosecuting Attorney for each OF tho coun,ii
OF the First Judicial District ''eXcept Iie & ON.
of Columbia and Garfield which shall my nh,i, V,, of
Prosecuting Attorney jointly amd lhe , Prose
Spokane and stevens which snail nave o"'
ciung Attorney Jointly
SECOND JUDICIAL DISTRICT
A Prosecuting Attorney for the countiesoi i'N'
ma, Klickitat, SkaInania and Clarke, ,,, ~ COW.
A Prosecuting Attorney for the co.Iillg, rbur.-
litz, Wahkialium, Pacific, Chehalis' Ma7o"
ton and Lewis.
THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT
A Prosecuting Attorney for the Third Juo'''"'
80, In testimony whereof nave No Grpat ir
unto sci my hand nnd caus'u 'tg ''g vad az
SEAL Seal OF the Territory 70 .,nher. A.
49, OLYMPIA, this I'd day. OF So I,..h,y.tyyo
D. one thonsand eight hundred and elgn,aa sad
siTth si,g ~ INV n. Il. OwISGs,
Secretary and ex-oGlcio acting Governor
, 1882-10-13
How " U,ii.n Eat.

L use to know husband, says Clara
Belle, who said that he always fell more
or less out of love with his wife on Sun,
day, but tumbled slap in again when he
saw her arrayed for church. She was
at such tines so neatly dressed, so smil-
ing, so sweetly different from her every
day aspect, that she made regular
weekly conquest of his heart. On, there
are few women who can't be charming if
they earnestly set about it-even while
eating. mention this test OF feminine
grace because it is severe one. The
process of filling the stomach ordained
by nature is vulgar in itself, and o
great deal of daintiness IS required in the
woman who would eat unrepellantly.
Fried oysters are sore trial to the
ethereal girl who sits down to them with
her admirer after late theatrical per-
formance. 1t has been five or six hours
since dinner, and she Is as hungry as q
bear that has lived on its paws all win
ter She knows that bedtime is close
ahead, and she will not have to endure
her corset long, ii she does tighten it
from the inside. But big appetite is
disenchanting in q maiden, and fried
oysters are greasy. The problem before
her is how to put the seven oysters into
herself without convincing the young
man that her stomach is about like his
own in its periodical call for food.
There is a risk in the matter that no
skill can wholly eliminate. The best
rule is to put on an expression OF very
mild disdain at each mcuthful, rs though
you took it under protest. Don't over
do this, and look as though sickened,
but just elevate the brows trifle, smile
family, and try Ito give theimpreseion that
you tolerate fried oyster, but do not
banker after it. / watched slender,
graceful, angel.faced creature in fash
able oyster-house the ether night, and
saw that by neglecting her department
she was shocking the fellow across the
table. Perhaps she didn't care whether
he adored her or not. Anyhow. she was
putting tie oysters INTO her mouth by
halves, chewing them with undisguised
gusto, swallowing plenty Of bread and
cut cabbage along with them, and taking
no pains whatever to disguise the fact
that she was enjoying them nightly.
At the next table sat n thicker and older
woman, who practiced the art of oyster
eating rs / have indicated it. Her facial
expression was clever. She slipped in
tho food in big pieces when her com.
panion wasn't looking, and nibbled
when no was looking. She got away
with hearty meal without appearing to
have taken anything to speak Of, and it
was only the empty plates that revealed
the fact. Sne WIS not less skillful III
drinking her half of quart o cham
pagne. The glass was lifted to her lips
like the hand Of o Queen to kiss; her
mouth shut over barely an inch Of the
brim; there was no stopping or gurgling;
the wine trickled neatly down her throat,
but with quite sufficient celebrity. When
starting to go out, with considerable Of
the fluid efferescing in her brain, she
failed for dreamy instant to recognize
her reflection in full-length mirror,
and tried to turn out to let herself pass
by herself. The blunder was seen by
nobody but me. She recovered her
equanirnity instantly, and departed as
smoothly as fairy.
, 1882-10-13

The Rev. Joseph Cook said in Lon.
don lecture that alcohol hardened the
human brain. The British Medical
Record says this betrays his lamentable
ignorance, because ait is On elementary
fact that, while alcohol hardens dead
cerebral substance, in life it induces
soitening OF the BRAIN"
, 1882-10-13

FULL many an ache OF soreness, deep
and keen, the wakings Of o nights ca
rousal bear; full many man, who with
"ths boys" hath been, feels in the morn
his Wiia's hands IN his hair,
, 1882-10-13

HE that cannot forgive others breaks
the bird . over which he must himself
pa9,; tor every man haS ueed to be for
gwen.
, 1882-10-13

TEACHER" Now, Robby, what Is the
plural OF mouse?" Robby-"Do-no,
nm" Teacher" Why, Robby, I'm
surprised. The plural Of mouse is mice.
Don't forget that now." Robby-
Nom" Teacher" Now tell me
what is the plural Of house. Robby-
"Hice."
, 1882-10-13

CENTAUE LINLMENTS; ;
The worlds great Pain-Ec-
licvinG remedies. They heal,
soOthc and cure Burma,
wounds, NcG,, Back and
rheumatism Upon Lam, and
Sprains, Calls and LamcncSs
ApCn Beasts. Cheap, quick
and reliable.
, 1882-10-13

G2CEo-J OF Gi-Cast.:l- -lucZs,
C.2u--.o5, Craci1-i12J Pe;-11 IL tho
Lead, Eetid LccS[a, LoaH-c5s,
md any Catarrhal Com s--a..,t,
cSIa bo oxtcr1,.na&od Ly Wei DO
Lleyer's Catar@h Cure, Joast.-
tut,onal A22.dote, by Nbsoro-
S.on. Tho most Important Cis-
covery since Vaccination.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10

The Rev. GEO. ii. IHAYER, or bourbon, Ind,
says: Both myself and wife owe our lives To
SHILOHs CONSUMPTION CURE. For sale ut Coch-
rams Crug store, l37 North Queen street.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10

.Distri5utiye Justice " In tho West.
A young man came into Justice Carey's
court room, at Carson City, New, with
the rim of his hat drawn down over his
eyes, and remarked:
"Do you'know me ?'
81 think" replied the court, mcekly,
"that you're the chap sentenced for
stealing about a year ago.
"That's the hairpin am," replied the
other, " and there is SEQ for my fine
"But you served your term in Jail, said
the Judge, and owe no fine"
That's right, old boy. but I'm about
to commit an assault and battery, and l
guess I'll settle now. YOU'RE the man l
propose to lick"
ooh ! that's it," rejoired the court,
pocketing the coin q" then you can start
in aud we'll call it square,"
The young man advanced to the Judge
and let out his left.
The Judge ducked his heal, and, rising
up, lifted the intruder in the eye with i
right handler, and sent him over against
the wall. In q moment the court was
climbing all over the Inan and in about
three minutes his face Was hardly recog
nizable. The man begged the court to let
up, which he finally did. AS the fellow
was about to go out, Carey went after him
with {:
''See here, young man, | don't think
the fighting you did ought to be assessed
at more than S2.5O-hcrc's $3.50 in
change. [ amt charging you anything
for the fighting, but just for my time.
Next time won't charge you cent"
The rough took the change and the
next train for Virginia City.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
EDUCATIONAL.
SwAkTHMOKE COLLEGE.

GWARTHMORE COLLE(iE.
~ RE.OPENlNG IN RESTORED BUILD
Ing. Both sexes admitted. College, and nre
paratory school under care OF memhers of
the Society OF Friends. The main buiidinS
destroyed by fire 9th month, last. has been
completely rebuilt, enlarged, amt fitted nm
with all conveniences. Thorough instruction
in Languages, Literature. Mathematics and
tine Sciences. New Scientific BuiIdinE CON.
tanning Laboratories, Drafting Rooms Ma
chine Shops. and all appliances for pursuing n
thorough course in Chemistry, Mechanical
and Civil END hecring. The next term opens
9Th mo. (Sept.) 18th Apply early, as, other
things being equal, places will be given to the
earliest applicants.
For full particulars. address
EDWARD NJ. MAGILL, Pres't,
Swarthmorc College, Delaware Co., Pa.
june2223md
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
No Tinle For Ceremony.

Burlington Haw keye.
At the time when tho Nantucket whal
ing trade was 1T its zenith sperm wlialer
from that port, in the Pacific, had the mis-
fortune to lose the black cook. Now, while
this important functiorary lay Oh the
plank in the gangway. sllioudcd in his
canvas cover. scwcd up by The s;,ilulakcr
ready for burial, and all the sh;p 5 company
were mustered around the rude bier, save
the lookout men alOft. the captain engaged
with all due .rlvity reading the burial
service, the ships bell soiemDly tolling,
and all the air filled with the sOlemnity of
the moment, a loftsmaD, suddenly DIS
covering the spout of e whale, sang out
Justify "T-h-c-r-e she blows"' Before
the lookout had time to repeat the ever
welcome words the now excited skipper
dropped his book, seized his glass, and
jumping into the rigging, bounded aloft at
fiftcen-knot rate. His glass soon proved
the truth of the lookout's cry, and from
his lofty perch the skipper beloved out,
as only sailor can:
"Knock off tolling the bcll!'
"Clear away the boats"'
"Heave that nigser overboard!!''
and they hove him.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
Honorable Mention.

Ol all the remedies on earth that well may
claim attention, DIR. Thomas Eclcctric Oil
commands especial mention For wondrOus
power to cure disease, its fame none can
throttle. Its merits are not in the puff, but
are inside the bottle. rheumatism neural gia
sore throat, asthma, bronchitis. diphthcra
ETC., are all cured by Thomas Eclectric Oil.
For sale at IL. Il. COchran'S drug store, Isl
North Queen street, Lancaster.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
PARKER'S GINGER Tonic,

Ii you arc wasting away with Consumption,
Age, or any disease or weakness, you will find
the Tonic a HIGHLY INVlGORATING MED.
ICINE THAT NEVER INTONICATES
None genuine without signature of HIscox
Il Co. Soc. and ST sizes ut dealers in drugs.
Large saving by buying 81 size. ap1O-eod cow
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
T"r
MANSION HOUSE.
ATT. A NTrr S,rrv NJ

OPEN FOR THE SEASON OF 1882.
Fronting Pennsylvania and Atlantic Ayeu-
ues, near both Railroai Eepots.
TWO HUNDRED ROOMS.
ELEGANTLY FURNISHED.
EXTENSIVE PORCIIES
NEW AND COMPLETE IMPROVEMENTS.
LARGE BILLIARD ROOM.
WITH Six NEW COLLENDER TABLES
Orchestra led by Rrophy. Dancing under the
direction of Prof q. j. Gillespie. Main of,ice
". y: Telegraph in the building. Union News
Stand in Office. Liberal Management.
jees emd CHAS. McGLADE, Prop.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10

LONE JACK, Mo-, Sept. H. 1877?
have been using Hop BittclS AMI have re-
cetyed great benefit from them tor liver COM
plant and malarial fever. They are superior
to all other medicines. L. NJ. BARNES
jyl2wG&w
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10

Many miserable people drag themselves
about with falling strength. feeling that they
are sinking into their graves when Parker's
Ginger Tonic would begin with the first dose
to bring vitality and strength back to them.-
Sun. jyl-lmdeOd&cOw
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
LIQUORS, &C.

HOUSEAi. & cos
Ill NEW LIQUOR STORE,
No. 43 North Queen street, Lancaster, Ps.
Ihe very best and finest qualities of Foreign
and Domestic WINES and LiCJORS c6nl
Stantly Tor sale at Wholesale and retail
Straight Old Rye WHISKY of the distiIlation
Brandy. warranted of the vintage of 1SaS
HHePt especially for medicinal purposes. Pure
yid Holland Gin, and other Whiskies. Bran.
1ebSlyd HOUSEAL & co.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10

ShiloL's Catarrh Remedy. Price So cents. For
sale ut Cochrdn's drug store, I37 North Queen
street.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
Universal Appreciation

universal appreciation
BY the community at large has been given To
Burdock Blood Bittcrs No instance is known
where dissatisfaction has been manifested by
their use, or where aught but benefit followed
their administration. Price ST.. For sale at Ii.
B. Cochran'S drug store, 49, North Queen
street, Lancaster.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
HO1ELS.
THE LANCASTER OUTAGE.

THE LANCAsTEls OUTAGE,
VIRGINIA (TENTH) AVENUE,
Between Atlantic and Pacific Avenues,
ATLANTIC CITY, n j.
NOW OPEN FOR THE SEASON OF lss,
Pleasant Location. Airy Rooms, Elcyantlv
Furnished. New and Complete Imnroyt..
ments. Terms Very Moderate
MRS. NJ. J. KUNKLE, Proprictress.
Il. u. Box S73. jun2. 2m,I
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10

"HACKNETACK," q lasting, and fragrant per-
fume. Price 25 and 50 cents. For sale at COclI.
rams drug store, l37 North Queen street.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
Adnrastcl tntelNQcnrc,

MONDAY EVENING. JULY 10. 1882.
CALAMITY GOES TO WASTE.
Tho Experieuce OF . Citizen Who Had Been
Askod TO Aid . Lovely Woman
Detroit Free Press.
The other evening as a muscular citizen
was passing house on Montcalm street a
lady. who stood at the gate, called out to
him:
"Sir, appeal to you for protection"
whats the trouble ?" he asked as lie
stopped short.
wouldn't go out of doors when l ordered
him to-"
"He wouldn't, ch? We'll see about
that
Thereupon the man gave the woman
his coat to hold and sailed into the house,
splitting on his hands. lie found man
down at the supper table, and he caught
him b. tho neck aud remarked:
"Nice style of q brute YOU arc, ch !?
Come out o. this or I'll break every bone
in your BODY
The man fought back and it was not
until chair had been broken and the
table upset that he was hauled out doors
by the legs and given fling through the
gate. Then, as the muscular citizen placed
his boot where it would do the most hurt,
he remarked Now, then, you brass
faced old tramp. you move on or I'll finish
YOU
Tramp. tramp shouted the victim,
as he got up, "Fm no tramp! own this
property and live in this house :"
You dO:"
"Yes, and that $ my wife holding your
ccat!' ~
"Thuuder ~ whispered the victim, as
he gazed from one to the other, and rcali-
zed that the wife had got square with him
and then he made grab for his coat and
slid into the darkness with his shirt bosom
torn open. a finger badly bitten and two
front teeth ready to drop out.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-07-10
LANCAsTER WATCHES.
LANCASTER WATCHES
How
SWITZERLAND
Endorses Pennsylvania
IN HER
Lancaster Watches,

LANCASTER, Nov. lst, 1873.
A. BITNER, Esq, Manager:
Oct. 2sth, have to say that l was absent on
my recent European tour just four months,
travelling distance of 1000 miles. 1 carried
Factory. Before starting l set it to the time
of the Pennsylvania Railroad. 1t was never
eMh&2nfeI Gs,1 G%riSg the entire trip; and UPON
WITH THE SAME RAILROAD TIME.
When At Geneva, Switzerland, with q dozen
brated Watch Factory of Patek, Philippe u
Co., whose American agents are the great
house of Tiffany n Co.. New York After be-
ing shown through the factory, we were con-
Quoted to the SalcsrOOm, where our attention
was called by the Superintendent to Il large
number OF very fine watches, the product OF
for thinking that better watches could he made
in Switzerland than in American. When he
had concluded, l handed him my Lancaster
Watch aud asked him what he thought OF il.
After examining il with the eye of an expert,
and with marked interest, hc replied, speak
sEES nE Z! Rs Rffs %ATcn EEFahE nAEE FEyEk
GOOD WATCII-IT Is BETTER THAN THE
Waltz AMT is THE BEST WATCH
his opinion is the fact that he had carefully
studied all the finest American watches cX-
h1Dlted at our Centennial Exposition. All my
friends heard the remarks above quoted and
then. Yours truly,
This opinion was again expressed with
even stronger emphasis to L party of Ameri-
cans recently travclingin Switzerland. Under
ualc OF Gencva, August ., 1851" Miss l.. L.
Cara writes. in letter published in the Lam
caster Ncy Era: MIR. Pcrrine bought two
handsome watches from the Leading manu-
1acturers here, and DR.. Hampton of our party
showed them his Lancaster Watch. They eS,
;rmlned 1t and said il was the best American
watch they had ever seen-MUCH SUPERIOR
10 Any OTHER MADE IN THE UNITED
STATES"
Second Letter 1882 Next Week.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-09-02

All the thoughts and hopes of the
Greeks were centred upon Hellas
and upon the present. Their reli-
gious philosophy may be summed
up in this maxlm of Theognis,
which, to show that the SEN
timent received divine sanction
was Inscribed in the temple of LetO,
at Delos: THAT which is most just
is most noble; health most prefer
able; but the gaining the object OF
ones desires is the most peasant
feeling" Now men who love the
world in which they live will con-
tribute more to its improvement
than those who despise it. The rea-
son of the perfection of Greek arr
and literature, and of the joyOusness
and serenity of, Helenes as a race,
was their honest, earnest love OF
life. According to SpinOza, "tht
free man thinks of nothing SO little
as of death, and his wisdom is a
mediation not Of death, but of life.
If this be true, then the Greeks
alone attained perfect wisdom and
freedom September atlantic.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-09-02
Sparkling Eyes

Rosy cheeks and clear complexion
only accompany good health. Par
ker's Ginger Tonic, better than any
fhing, makes pure, rich blood and
brings health, joyous spirits,
strength and beauty. Ladies, try
it.-BGzG0T.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-09-02

THAT HACKING COUGH can.
be so quickly cured 10y Shiloh's
Cure. We guarantee it. Sold at
z. G. NJ. l. dug store. ~