The news., 1882-11-28
MOUNT HOLLY BURLINGTON co, N. J, TUESDAY NOVEMBER

right toward the closet door, and put
the buck beer sign right against pa s
clothes. He was a lafiing all the time,
and said we boys were full Of fun as they
made'em, and we told him it was solemn
occasion, and we wouldn't permit no lev
ity, and ifhe didn't stop laffing we could
not give him the grand bumper degree.
Then everything was ready, and my chum
had his hand on the closet door, and
some kyan pepper in the other, and /
asked pa in low bass tones ifhe felt as
though he wanted to turn back, or if he
had nerve enough to go ahead and take
the degree. | warned him that it was
full of dangers, as the goat was loaded
for beer, and told him he yet had time TO
retrace his steps if he wanted TO, He said
he wanted the whole bizness, and we
| coald go ahead with the menagerie.
Then ! said 10 pa that if ne had decided
to go ahead, and not blame us for the
consequences, TO repeat after me the fol
lowing: Bring forth the Royal Bumper
and let him Bump Pa repeated the
words, and my chum sprinkled the kyan
pepper on the goats moustache, and be
sneezed once and looked sassy, and then
he sees the lager beer goat rearing up,
and he started for it just like COW
catcher, and blatted. Pa is real fat, but
he knew lie had got hit, and he grunted
and said, Hell'a-fre. what you boys
doin'% and then the goat gave him anoth-
er degree, and pa pulled off the towel and
got up and started for the stairs, and 80
did the goat, and ma was at the bottom
of the stairs listening, and when looked
over the bannister pa and ma and the
goat were all in a heap, and pa was yell
ing murder, and ma was screaming FIRE
and the goat was blatting, and sneezing
and butting, and the hired girl came into
the hall and the goat took after her, and
she crossed heraelf just as the goat struck
her and said, Holy Mother, protect mel
and went down stairs the way we boys
slide down hill, with both hands on her
self, and the goat rared up and blatted,
aud pa and ma went into their room, and
shut the door, and then my chum and me
opened the front door and drove the goat
out. The minister, who comes TO see ma
every three times week, was jnst ring.
! ing the bell and the goat thought he
wanted to be nishiated. too, and gave him
one for luck, and then went dowd the
sidewalk blatting and sneeziug, and The
minister came in the parlor and said he
was stabbed, and then pa came out Of his
room with his suspenders hanging down
and, as be didn't know the minister was
there he said cuss words,. and ma cried
and told pa he wonld go to hell sure, and
pa said he didn't care, he would kill that
kn.sid goat afore he went, and TO Id pa
the minister was in the parlor, and he
and ma went down and said the weather
was propitious for revival, and it
| seemed as though an ontponriug Of the
spirit was about to be vonchsafed to his
! people, and none of them sat down but
! ma, cause the goat didn't hit her, and
while they was talkin' religion with their
mouths, and kussin the goat inwardly,
my chum and me adjourned the lodge,
and | went and styed all night with him,
and | hsint been home since; but don't
believe pa viii lick me, cause he said he
would not hold rs responsible for
! the consequences. He ordered the goa
hifself, and we filled the order, don't you
see? Well, guess will 60 and sneak
in the back way and find out from the
hired girl how the land lays. She won'I
go back on me, cause the goat was moi
loaded foi hired girls. She inst hap
pened to get in at The wrong time. Good
bye, sir. Remember and give your goa
kyan pepper in your lodge"
As The hoy went away, and skipped
over the back fence, the groceryman said
to his brother Odd Fellow, "If that boy
don't beat the devil then l never saw one
that did. The old man ought to have
him sent to lnnatic asylnm.-M Mit,cae-
kee Sun:
|