davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
BOUND TO HAVE A DIVORCE,
The Expedient ResOrted to by the
Bride Of Fortnight.
Denver Tribune.l

lOeuVcr
She was fair, robust and as fresh as a
morning glory" She rushed in upon him
while he was deeply immersed in the prob
lematic rights of landlord against tenant.
He is very prominent political lawyer; she
is beautiful young child of nature from the
Platte Canon.
She blushed, he bowed, she chased to the
right and subsided into convenient seat;
he closed his ca lf-covered volume of Illinois
reports and arose with one hand under his
coat-tail and the other one extended, ready
for fee.
"Good morning, madam"
care you Mr. T, the lawyer"
THAT is my name, madam. What can
do for you?"
"Well, sir, am the wife of N--up the
Platte. I married the old man two weeks
ago last Friday, and I don't like it. want
a divorce. How much is it?"
The excited young lady here pulled out an
odd looking tobacco pouch, around which
buckskin was coiled and proceeded to unite
it. The young limb Of the law, whose eyes
had been wandering way over the strange
apparition, stammering replied.
why, really, my dear missis-beg pardon,
but l forgot your name"
dIuU uO HlSSlS III ioASOA' esAAA 4'Ai'''
Bella Ann P, of Littleton, and am
willing to pay for it."
'Be patient, my dear Miss P, and
will advise with you"
II don't want no advise. | want adivOrce
against old man N. He amt the sort
of man thought he was He amt rich
and is stingier than Texas COW, and he
won't leave me be. So left him and went
over to Bar Creek to Arthur Benchi's mother.
Arthur used to like me before | married old
Jacob N, and now want divorce" !"
The lawyer reasoned with the excited
young lady and assured her that he would
be only too happy to file her application for
a divorce were there grounds for the appli-
cation. The angry young daughter OF the
mountains listened impatiently to the coun-
sci of the young lawyer with the fury OF
young lioness.
At last she burst forth:
Cant get no divorce unless more cause,
can't l? ?" Then I'll just tell you, Mr. Law
yer, I'll get it anyhow. Arthur told me
how to getit can send him to the Canon
City penitentiary and get divorce on it.
He traps trout, he does, and can prove it
on him, for l got him to make the trap and
helped him do it, and can prove it. Now"
said this brilliant young mountain amazon,
Cant have divorce and let the old man
60 to Canon City,"
The young lawyer thought she could, and
at once wrote letter to the ''old man" adj
vising him to let the young girl 60.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
How Gold Piece Passed Around.
Atlanta Post-Appeal.l

ATLANTA Post-Appeal.l
A singular incident occurred at the circus
last Thursday night, which illustrates the
invariable good fortune that attaches to
some people. One of a pair of friends who
were spectators purchased song book from
a vender of the poetic trash of the ring and
gave in payment $3.50 gold piece, suppos-
ing it to be a silver dime. The vender pock-
eted the money and went On, saying nothing
about the mistake. In few minutes the
other friend decided to invest dime in the
same way. He called the nearest vender.
who happened to be the golden individual
aforesaid, and handed him quarter The
chap returned him book, together with the
$3.50 piece and fve-cent nickel. This
caused friend No. to look in his clothes for
his own gold, and not finding it the obvious
conclusion was that the piece was his.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
An Incubator for Infants.

NJ Tarnier, the surgeon of the Maternity
Hospital in Paris, struck by the great NOR
tality among infants prematurely born, and
those which are very sickly after birth, has
conceived the ingenious idea, says the Lon
don Lancet, of constructing box which is
almost exactly similar to the incubators
used for poultry. This box is divided into
two compartments-the lower one being
used as a reservoir for hot water, while the
infant is placed in the upper one, which is
we'll stuffed at the sides and fitted with a
sliding glass cover. The temperature is
maintained at eighty-six degrees Fahrenheit,
and M. Tanier has found that by keeping in
fants in the incubator for period varying
from two days to six weeks, their vitality is
enormously improved. He has made exper-
iments upon five six months children, six
seven months, and thirteen eight months
children, and he has lost only two of them,
whereas, according to his statement, three
fourths of them would have died but for
this adveniitious aid to vitality.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
THE DIRGE AT WEBsTER'S TOMB.

Sung at the Marshfield Celebration to Zion,
favorite tune of Webster's.I
Darkly sealed the mausoleum, keeping
Sacred dust, so long at rest;
Nations mourn and peoples weeping,
Green the turf 80 fondly blest,
Faith enshrining,
Joins our souls with those arisen,
Angels twining,
Wrcathe our prayers in one for heaven
Not alone the statesman sleepeth,
Who listening Senates held command,
Stalwart sons the tomb here keepth
Martyred with the Union band.
Sorrows blending,
Link the States from sea to sea,
Never-ending
Triumph of perfect unity.
Rock Of ages, cleft. to duty
Kindly hold these granite walls,
Shielding age and youth and beauty,
Yield when God the Savior calls
Angels guiding,
Molderng dust return to life.
Faith abiding,
Rise! beyond a world OF strife.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23

A little fve-year-old boy was being in :
structed in morals by his grandmother. The
old lady told him that all such terms as ''Dy
golly," by jingo," "by thunder" etc, were
only little oaths, and but little better than
other profanities. In fact, she SAID, ne couia
tell profane oath by the prefix ny" All
such were oaths. ,,
aWell. then, grandmother" said the little
hopeful, lis by telegraph which see IN the
papers, swearing ?"
aNo,n said the old lady, ''that's only
lying" g
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23

Boston Transcript. |

Boston Transcript.
In London young man who wishes to be
a swell goes to tailor, offering him $500 a
year to clothe him. The tailor keeps him
supplied with new suits as fast as the swell
returns the old ones, which he cannot keep
more than month. They are but little if
any worn, and the tailor sells them readily
to ready-made clothing houses. At the end
of the year the tailor has made two hundred
dollars from the SWELL besides the profit on
the sale Of the clothes, and the swell has
dressed exquisitely at comparatively small
exnenSe
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
They Don't Sell Stoves.
detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
Four or five weeks ago a woman with an
undecided look ON her face entered Detroit
hardware store threaded her way for sixty
feet among coal stoves of every pattern, and
timidly inquired
DO you keep stoves here?"
"Yes'm."
Coal stoves?'
"Yes'm."
She said she had been thinking of getting a
coal stove for the winter, and the clerk took
her in hand He showed her how the doors
worked and how the hampers were arranged,
and the fiues situated, and he talked Of
double drafts, great savings, increased cheer
fulness, reduction in price and all that,
and she said she'd think it over and drop in
again.
In about three days the woman reappeared
and inquired of the very same clerk if they
sold coal stoves. He replied that they did
sell one now and then, and he cleared his
voice and began the usual thirty minute
lecture on the Michigan, the Detroit and the
Peninsula base-burner. The beautiful nickle-
plate, the place for the tea-kettle the orna-
mental legs, the anti-clinker shakeI-all
points were touched upon, praised and ex-
planned, and the woman said she wouldn't
take one along under ner arm just tnel, Dut
would call again. She called again that
same week, heard the same lecture from the
same clerk, and started for the bank to draw
the money to pay for base-burner. That
was the last seen of her for a week. Then
she walked softly in and innocently in
quired:
Il suppose you keep coal oil stoves"
mo, ma'am"
''Not any kind u
Not one We used to, but went out OF
the business about year ago."
There were twenty coal stoves on the floor,
but if she saw them she didn't let on. She
heaved sigh of disappointment, glanced
around her, and went slowly out, with the
remark:
"Well, don't know as | want to buy one,
but I thought it wouldn't do any harm to
look at some of the latest makes"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
Warmth for the Little Lords of Creation.

1t is problem with some mothers, says
the New York Erening Post, how to dress
boys warm enough without making their
clothing burdensome to them. All children
now are supposed to wear knit wrappings
andI drawers then long stockings of the
heavier grade of yarn, and thick shoes clothe
the lower limbs From boys of to or 8
it is good plan to utilize their outgrown
blouses of flannel. Rip out the pleats and
make plain shirt waists; at the side seams
the buttons which hold their stockings sup
porters can be securely fastened. Additional
buttons can be put in at the back and front
and the knit drawers be buttoned to this
waist. With coat of ordinary thickness.
closed to the throat, the chest will be suffi-
GENTLY protected.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
Business.
Wall Street News

"Widder Jenkins" said an Ohio farmer as
he hustled into her house one morning, Il
am man of business Pm worth SlO,OoO'
and want you for wife. give You three
minutes in which to answer"
| don't want ten seconds, old man. sne
replied as she shook out the discloth. I'm
awoman of business, worth $4,000, and l
wouldn't marry you if You were the last
huIa hian on earth. l give you minute ana
half to gitr'
Heg
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23
EVERY YEAR.
BY ALBERT PIKE.

BY ALBERT PIKE.
The spring has less of brightness,
Every year;
And the snow ghastlier whiteness,
Every year;
Nor do summer flowers quicken,
Nor the autumn fruitage thicken,
As they once did, for they sicken,
Every year.
1t is growing darker, colder,
Every year;
As the heart and soul grow older,
Every year;
! care not now for dancing,
Or for eyes with passion glancing,
Love is less and less enhancing,
Every year.
Ofthe loves and sorrows blended,
Every year;
OF the charms of friendship ended,
Every year;
Ofthe ties that still might bind me,
Until time TO death resign me
My infirmities remind me,
Every year.
All, how sad to look before us,
Every year;
While the cloud grows darker DER us,
ENcIy year.
When we see the blossoms faded.
That to bloom we might have aided,
And immortal garlands braided,
Every year.
To the past go more dead faces,
Every year;
As the loved leave vacant places
Every year;
Everywhere the sad eyes meet us,
In the evenings dusk they greet us,
And to come to them entreat us,
Every year.
You are growing old, they tell us,
Every year;
''Nou are more alone, " they tell MS,
Every year;
You can win no new affection,
You have only recollection,
Deeper sorrow and detection,
Every year"
Yes the shores of life are shifting,
Every year;
And we are seaward drifting,
Every year;
Old places, changing, fret us,
The living more forget us,
There are fewer to regret us,
Every year.
But the truer life draws higher,
Every year;
And the morning star climbs higher,
Every year;
Earth's hold on us grows slighter,
And the heavy burden lighter,
And the dawn Immortal brighter,
Every year
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23

The Startling Statement OF Michigan
Vagrant.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
When a certain family on the Brush farm
took new cook last month it was specif-
cally stated and fully understood that she
was not to have any man hanging around
the kitchen. She held to the agreement for
three or four nights and then the family
discovered that she had beau. He came
regularly every night after that, and three
or four nights ago the Colonel was at the
back gate waiting for him. When the young
man appeared the Colonel threw whole ice
berg into his tones as he inquired
''Well, sir, did you come here to spark?'
II did," was the calm reply.
I'm love, are you?'
Eyes, sir"
"Who with 2"
Sarah, the cook"
"Oh, l didn't know but what you loved
one of my daughters" sneered the Colonel.
mo, l don't at present" said the man as
he seemed to catch sudden idea /; 'but the
thing hasn't gone so far with Sarah but what
I might break off if you had something bet
ter upstairs for me-"
Sarah doesn't work there any more, but
the Colonel won't get over being mad for
several weeks yet.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-11-23

"A western man has been telling some
Philidelphians how western cities grow. He
says he went off into the mountains hunting,
and night coming on, he went to sleep in a
tree to be out of the reach of the wolves.
lie was awakened the next morning by some
Workmen, who told him to get down and
finish his nap on the court house steps, as
they wanted to turn that tree intoa flag pole
for the hotel across the way. He got down,
and while rubbing his eyes, was nearly run
over by street car and got his feet tangled
in an electric light wire.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-12-27
DON'T Ker'eot tie Lawns.


1t must oe freely admitted by every
man and woman OF taste that where
there is room there is nothing about Il
private residence so attractive an, lhcau-
~tisli asa weil-kcpt lawn: bat tbs a,ldi-
ton cannot be pertnan ntly secured nm
less it receives proper attention. Tnis
attention, however. is of a Father pecu-
liar kind, but requires very l,t.e labor
and expense. Tnrre is nothing th;L
with keep in good heart by So lite ma
nuring or rather ferliliznr, and I ere is
nothing th't reSists perinacIniislN the
application of stable NJ snurc. In course
OF ii,ne no doubt. n lawn will suffer t1r
wan. OF recuperaiing by the application
Of some stimulating fertilizer; but we
would not recommend guano eve" for
this purpose unless occasionally 10 Il
lgnt extent. and tnen io hurry un son'e
bare or barren spots. wnich wou.i ot l.
erwise disiignre tie rest. No doubt
ashes wou.d be good, AMI so wou.d the
r.ch. fine scrapings OF a wnoh-p e. n
duag-yard, etc: but we conceive ! tat
there is nothing so well Il la1te'l 10
lawns rs artificial fer iiizrrs Of t;l3donbt-
cd cycciicute "a are some "f thc ptos-
phates, of course as II top dressing; but
none of these should be app iel yearly:
in fact once in three wear, is qu!,e ire
quent enough. Our own experience
proves this. AT one period we use /
nothing for eight yetrs, aud the lawa
WAS better than n majority OF otErg'
that we saw; but we sAould not recoiii-
mend this.
In the spring. rs soon say .,t the end
Of March or beginning of Aiirti - s lle
ground is dry enough to WORK upon. II
should be carefully raked oil and taor-
oughlv rolled. This presses back into
the ground the roots Of the grass that
the frost always more or less heaves up.
By the latter part Of April. when any
bare spots can he seen. taey should be,
after being scratched well b. the rake.
thickly sown with seed and rolled. BY
midsummer these spots will all have
disappeared. Early in May, or rs soon
as the grass shall be long enough to
clip, it should he done. This will
spread the roots and young spires, ans|
cause them to sprout thick and Zine. II
very heavy top-dressing is used. il
will produce bare spots; and neglect o1
frequent clipping-say once in ten oi
Twelve days. rs the growing State of the
weather NAV be- will cause the spire,
~ be thin, rank and uneven. 1t should
be remembered that after the applic;t
tion of top dressing of phosphate
fertilizer, say at the rate Of about thrc,
hundred pounds to the acre, it sho,,l,
be done before the first rolling in tht
spring. and then the one rolling will bt
enough for the occasion.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-12-27
wy 40 las nE.nA.-. Ua..s2
Bt AA'iC COlk.

Lht'a Pn Peep climb unto nv kn.e--
Lite 30 f's,t l. four ,,'s ' na
An1 ~tnt ter hrirhi I'm" eye "tn't see
would need h micro cop 10 bvl od
ste pi'ia my ard T. a:'a on" ~ .cr IL ks:
Sh, Ica cs my ca,ck witt, rr little fat tsulI b.
Thtn : stag st!".ts't in nv face. sue a~ss'
WHAT is il TIA. Ina.c- tae wink e. '0m ?!
Al ,itt'" y" Pep. you co-r"r guess
noa stt s. 1, que si,,'. V"n ii,i- rropcund;
III "a - tor HitsL'r Wl.I"iD 'or l. 50
liam ever p ,,iiGhopl cr vt La found.
Thnre was a time. riy little no Penr.
Wh"G my ffte w. "a rrnnhas yours Is now,
when never a lin" or W w',hs q deep,
lad left its imprint ca nv brow.
A time when woke from hslmy s'nep
To find life aiwaNS a ad sus srfi~e:
When ! laughed rs you .augh, my little TO
And j los"ked on the world with the same
An, we'll. I la,,ched and loved a~d srcw old,
Working away at iife's tafdl sun.
AEG raj was d % "a thA, dreamed was gold
And SO tic wrinkles began 10 come!
Yes, that is the war, my little Bo Peep
A. near a. can tell ynU NOW
That is the way the burrows deep,
One by one, crept over my brow.
When saw the 'ad, bright dreams Of youth,
Like the roses of summer, withcr away;
Nhcn ] learned low the fragrant flower Of
Trnih
by the tLisr,cs of Faisehood wa. strangled
one day
When the faith placed IN man was returned
Ry mans ir13attudp. b.acapr thpn night;
Wren TIC hard, bitter truih rad been harncd
That might, in this word, too often makes
right.
When I saw the good borne down aud op.
pressed,
The wicked triumphant In their shame.
The SaInafitan scornod and the PLarisee
blessed
Then, little 80 Peep, the wrinkles came.
But E:sy you in the sunshine ever Task.
So tLai when the years hall Lave made you
gray,
Sometime Ro Peep. gazing nj you sha. ask:
What is II tunt keeps the wrinkles away?
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-12-27
WEDNESDAY. DECEMBER g7, 1882
CA E,a,a,.

TIE great fu!k of old battles arc fur
;,isuesl hv nt.;r,s and restaurants. When
The iccu,nl3u,a'ion reaches ample pro-
portion, tbev seB, 10 the .'bot.:e man"
aUA ~ calls for them and takes them
AWAY. Tie ste. nj BUYERS, who purchase
of ,',e dnaIers. send their orders to the
la'irr. wAo iiill ein in the same way rs
.uaaranii Iiousr dors. Oa one tr.ca-
sion lar..e 'itsi,l snM nine thousand
ba,tles Ia ~ t,ealcr. Battles arc shipped
in lm4s4ra,ls and barrels. When put in
hogsheatl, they are packed in straw. hut
wio,a put IN barrels no packing Is used
to protect them. The barrels are not
beaded ny, as t;ses are easy to handle.
ilogsheals are SO bulky that they ca;i-
not he c;,rtfed. but must be thrown
u,nM, their silcs and rolled about. hence
the use of straw. Junk-;lcaiers buy
4hs.tiles, bu, t.iisp nj BUSINESS ana9nnss
to ittaa isst.yso sos,sxhss ssis faea1r NJ saps.
plies mainly from small boys. II rag
ged gamin flats Il bottle in the street he
will POS, of with it to the nearest junk
shop and probably receive penny for
his prize. a penny is the standard
prize for n bottle with junk dealers.
The Italians, " ho in New York are as
great scavencers rs the Chinese are in
San Francisco. pick the streets clean,
and know the worth of bottles waen they
discover them. Monday is .ltalian day
at the bottle stores. On that day they
swarm to the places with their collec-
tions for the previous we k and dispense
of them. Not few Italians display
business enterprise aud tact. A good
many of them 20 about among the
lower resort buying bottles which they
sell urer ngain. One Italian began by
collecting with II sack which he carried
on his back. Finnlly, he sgcnred Il hand
cart; later. another, which he hired a
maa t. push, aud so he continued, until
now he has dozen or more picking up
bottles in ail parts of tae city. Not long
ago he purchased ahouse and paid nine
teen thousand dbliars in cash for it.
When he landed on these shores he was
penni!ess. There are similar cases,
thongh none perhaps Us st"iSi z rs this.
Tne Italian women help their husbands,
and 90 to the stores bending under
loads ofboti!es s!ung over tneir shoulders
i'm BAGS.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-12-27
A Clayer Cheat.

Henry Kcvs. who left the Pioneer
Park, Oakland, Cal. recently, PLAYED 4
trick bv which he eaized SO for forty
gallons Of water. Wishing to sell OUT,
hc ''doclnrci" II barrel SO as to dispose
Of it rs full of pure whisky. He ar
RANGED in the barred piece OF hose
two feet long. with one end nermet;caly
seated. lie then filled tile hose with
,;u 1T of the finest whisky--ol,l, oily and
rich lie then fastened the u,iseaie,l
end to the ucet on the inside. headed
up the barr.l aud filled 1t with water.
Ready was he for n purchaser for forty
gallons Of rare old whisky" and Max
Mar,,se proved willing customer.
M4rcu-e sampiedihe liquor draws from
the hose. pronounced it good and bought
the barrel for $50. After drawing a
few drinks the supply in the hose gave
out, and an examination showed the
deception. In the meantime Keys had
left the town. and he has not been heard
from. Two warrants await him--one
for obtaining money under false pre-
lenses. aud the ether for disposing OF
fixtures in the Pioneer Park which are
said to belong 10 The estate Of Michael
Reese. Max Maieuae is figuring how
much TO cAarge profit and loss in his
ledger for thc purchase. of one barrel,
two feet OF hose, one quart Of whisky
anu forty gallons Of water.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-12-27
Romantic Girls Who Started Cut to Sec
the World.

Two young ladies were arrested re-
Gently at Merced. Cal. in the south
bound emigrant train. by Under Sheriff
Woods. OF San Bernardiuo county. One
OF them is II minor, and the other u lit
tie over lS years Of age. They had tie
veioped a romaGtic turn Of mind, and
determined to travel and see tho world.
The elder drew $1,000 out of the San
Bcrnardino Bank, and taking the Young
er with her. set out visiting the most Of
the interior places in Arizona, Caiitor-
MIA. Nevada. and Utah. As they had
exhibited iinpatiencc at the control Of
the guardian OF the younger. and of their
relatives before starting. their friends
became uneasy and set the officers upon
their track, who, after Il long chase,
overlook them here and arrested the
younger, the elder agreeing to also RE-
turn with the sheriff They had no male
companions in their ranlbles. Each is
said to be mistress of fortune of S2O.-
900 in her own right, the proceeds of an
estate. Their travelling seems 10 be for
the purpose of observation. They pro-
cccded on their way to San Bernaydino
with the Under Sheriff in good spirits
and not much put cut by the arrest
Aita Californian.