, 1882-06-09
3SftttltGbIr1tGs

Il DON'T like that cat. It's got
splinters in its feet' was the excuse
Of four year-old for throwing the
kitten away.
PooR men give away money as ii
they were rich. Rich men hang to a
nickel as if they might be poor -NeU
orleans PicaytHe,
SPRING cleaning must have begun
in Haverhill. The Gazette publishes
an account of the ''oaths of all ma
tions. $ Taunton Gazette.
AT a house where they make a
great deal of fancy work and keep a
white poodle, an innocent gentleman
asked: who knit the dog!
We have received the holiday mum
ber Of the Congressional Record. 1t
contains more real dry humor than
anything we have yet come across
oil city DelTick
THE poet who asserts that life is
but a dream was never called in tC
help move the cook stove or get a
barrel of cider down the cellar r-De-
troh Free Press.
MY dear" said a gentleman to his
wife, "our club is going to have all
the home comforts" "And when
pray, is our home going to have all
the club comforts"
THERE are 300 styles of BICYCLES, but
they've never invented one that can
sling a man more somersaults and
handsprings or hurt him worse than
the original machine.
DURING the ninth waltz, Oscar
pointing to his boots, remarked to
Feliciana: "You can't say have nc
polish" NO" said she, "but you
shine at the wrong end"
A man gathering mushrooms was
told that they We're poisonous.
"Thank YOU" he replied; :" l am not
going to eat them myself; | sell them
at the hotel. .'-NeW York Post.
"WHAr in the world do you want
with arnica?" asked the old man of
his son. why, l saw my wife just
start to drive a nail, and | expect
every moment to hear her yell"
JAY GOULD is said to estimate the
damage newspapers have done to his
reputation at 100000, and it wasn't
much of a reputation to start with,
either.-Ne,c Haven Register.
LAST summer the people of Green
vile, Miss, had to haul water from
the river at cost of % cents a barrel
Now the inhabitants are compelled to
crawl out on the housetops in order
to keep dry.
Mrs SMITH (emphatically Poor
Mrs. Siren! they say she has been
ordered to a warmer climate. Do
you think she will go?" Mr.. Brown
(grimly)-"No, not while she lives"
Toronto Grip.
SEVERAL persons were drowned, but
not single barrel of whisky was lost
by the recent floods in Kentucky.
This seems to confute the theory that
the most deeply loved are taken first.
.-NOrTtStolCn Herald.
The Englishman enjoys fox hunt
ing more than any other kind of
work. He has horse to carry him,
a dog to do the smelling, and a serv-
ant to kill and skin the fox Neav
Orleans Picayltne.
A CHICAGO sculptor named Donog-
hue has returned to Paris, and APP
piled himself to the idealization of
Chicago in a statue. No pedestal
will be required, as the feet will be
life-siZe.-LOlCeH Citizen.
WHEN a friend asked reformed
inebriate the cause of his reformation,
he said: "As you are married you
will quite understand it when / say
getting tipsy made me see my mother
in-law double.-Le Figaro.
The New York authorities are very
careful of their police force. They
never put two officers on the same
beat, because it is said to be un-
healthy for two persons to sleep to
gether.-FrankfOrt Herald.
A New BRUNSWICK IN. j. four-year
old, on seeing the cook take the
baked potatoes from the oven, was
astonished at one which had burst
its skin. "Oh, Anniey' he exclaimed,
there's one all unbuttonedw
The imprudent man carries post
age stamps in his pocket. The pru-
dent man never does, for he knows
very well that he can borrow of the
imprudent. Moral - Prudence is
wisdom - and gain, withal. - The
Judge.
A Boston girl, according to the
Sunday Courier of that city, was
heard to say in a street car, on her
way home from the Soldiers Bazaar,
81 think he looked like a perfect
raving angel in his uniform! He was
f..11 l.. l,,f