Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-22
SrOopend. he Wanted His Wmt~rDroof.


"My dear said Mr. Spcopenlyke,
pulling the shams off the bed, where
is my-my. wiiere is my YOU know
what l mean. What did YOU do with
ir?''
Your shawl-strap?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendykc, dropping the baby into
the crib. "Oh. know; your dumb bells.
Is that what you want"
Has that sliawl-strap got sleeves in
it??' demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke, ran
sacking the sewingmachine. "Are
those dumb-bells split up the back and
torn around the collar? You know
what l want, my rubber overcoat.
Where did you put it?" and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke pulled a pile of letters ont OF the
pigeon-hole to his wife desk and spilled
them along the floor.
"Where did you have it last?" mur-
mured Mrs. Spoopendyke. with her fin
ger in her mouth and CONSERVATION in
her eye.
Had it on" growled Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. "Whero'd ye s'posc l had it?
Think had 1t for lunch? Don't you
know where tho measly things gene
to! Spry around now and find it!
Take your finger out of your mouth;
don't suppose it's in there! Get that
coat before it clears up. will yo" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke shook the clock and
then peered into the mantel vases.
II don't believe it's going to rain
much anyway" faltercd Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. who couldn't remember having
seen the coat for a month. "When it
looks like this it's always going to sun
shine." and she followed him around tho
room in iiutter of apprehension.
"Of course it is"' snortcd Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. Things are going to do just
what you tell en- to do. If you had a
lot of tin figures in front and a streak of
mercury up your spine, you'd only need
sheet-irOn case and wire handle to
be barometer! If you'll look along
your measly information about the
weather. p'rhaps you'll find that over
coat at the other end of it! Where's
that coat? Going to let mo stand here
and soak while the moths picnic that
coat into shad net? Take me by the
elbow and lead ME to the coat" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke tipped the sofa over
80 that he could see under it. and thon
slapped plaster bust of Minerva
against the wall. under the impression
that tho coat might have crawled into
her ear.
"Its the strangest thing in the
world"' giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke. hys-
terically. 'Are you sure you wore it
home?"
If I didn't. how'd it get homeP"
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. putting his
hands on his knees and grinning in his
wife's face. "S'pose it hired hack
and drove home? Oh, no! l didn't
wear it homo. The last l saw Of
it it had its hat over its ear
and female waterproof ON its arm.
pikingup Fulton street rs happy as an
Alderman's funeral. What're We stand
ing therefor? Got some indistinct no.
ton that the dod-gasted coat has gone
to get shaved. haven't ye?" Who'd
ye give it to? Been endowing a meta
physical chair in some kind OF an old
womans home with it. haven't ye?
Where's the coat? Develop the coat
before vitiate the insurance." and Mr..
| Spoopendyko kicked his wife's work
basket across the room and rammcd
his arm to the shoulder up the chimney.
"Do you remember where you wore
it last?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, sud-
denly becoming calm and analytical.
~ wore it on my back" protested
Mr. Spoopendvke, who didn't remem-
Der whether he had taken it to church
or to a hospital. Maybe you're under
the impression that tied it to stick
and wheeled it along on the buttons!
On my back. tell ye! On this particu-
lar back!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke almost
broke his arm pointing out the attrac-
| ton referred to- "Most folks tit up
| their rubber overcoats with bent wire
and focus and wear en- for spectacles.
but hadn't time; so l wore it on my
back! Bring forth the coat"' yelled Mr..
top. Fetch out tho measly coat be-
| fore the proprietor of these premises
makes up his mind whether he'll build
a house here or mortgage the lot"
"You wore it the last day it rained,
and when it cleared off in the afternoon
l noticed that you had on your spring
overcost." said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
quietly.
"Great headr granted Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, beginning to feel uncomfortable,
aud wondering how it was coming out.
"With your perceptive faculties and
meteorological education. you only need
one more leg and a clear night to be a
dod gasted street telescope at ten cents
a peep! What of it? 'Spose did wear
spring overcoat! It's spring, ain'tit?"
"And l don't know" continued Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "but 1 think you had it
on over your waterproof. If you'll
look, you may find the rubber coat in
| side of the other now"
Mr.. Spoopendyke growled and snort
ed his way to the closet, like fog
horn, and found-things as his wife had
predicted.
"Smart amt yer he grumbled, as
he hauled out the water proof. "Great
powers of inductive reasoning! Some
day I'm going to fit YOU up with stiff
neck and pot of beans and start Con-
cord School of Philosophy with you.'
And with this threat Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke threw the coat over his arm, and
all the way TO Coney Island entertained
his friend Specklewottle with descrip-
ton of his habits of order, (which are
so perfect. sir, that / could put my
thumb on anything l wanted, sir-if my
wife would only let things alone"'-