Daily Republican., 1882-08-17
5;f|ERa&lij|
sun sets Q So,

| DbVlleQ GRADS at fullmeFSs
Stewed crabs at FuIImer's.
Ice cold oysters ut Fullme-'s.
Your case. Is cts. Vary's Ex.
Ice coolers and camp chairs for 80 cents.
DR.. Darmon's Office, 1924 Camac st. Phia
Get Your coff"a roasted at 400 King st.e,i
Parker, cupp1ng ana Isecniug, No. lC3 East
second street.
got this fine cigar at Mullins. West
Front street.
Fine 10 X. Plain G Id Rings, at f. E.
Hanfs, 10 East Fourth street.
For fine straw hat at q low price, go to q.
5. Humphrey 4 Bro, 8O3 Market street.
| When may lawyers clerk be said to have
seen much OF the world2 When he has wit
messed many deeds.
Why is mad bull On animal OF q conbivlal
dispostti0nH Because he offers horn to
every one he meets.
What is the difference between goose and
defeated adversary? One gives Gown and
the otser gives up.
| Stine retouched cards for 81 at Hollands
gallery No. 4 East Third street, between
Market and King streets.
Whenever you want to buy feed, or grain
or good flour, at low price, remember, 20 to
Hay Harket, 7I3 West Front street.
Everybody KnUmr mat Holland makes the
best tin type 10 the city No. 4 East Third
street, between Market and KlHg.
Why Is The American eagle gazing in the
| setting sun like an heir ell tering on his DOS
sessions? because he mas got his beak.west.
We regret to learn that a lady while stoop-
ing over her sewing machine the other day,
suddenly 20. most painful stitch in the
| side.
An exchange says that Henry Irving, the
| actor, he's tv sons y ho will beat him on the
stage" Henry should Lave them bound over
| to keep the p ace.
My dear said husband to his wife,
| "what kind Of a stone do you think II ey will
give me when I'm gone 2" She answered
coolly, ut might be birthstone, John"
"What nice looking young man I" sim
pered lady to her friend, as youth In the
| omnibus deposited his nickle In the safety
box, Yes" was the reply, II see he is pass.
! ing fare"
Milton, besides writing good deal of orig
inal poetry used to make puns. When asked
| II he intended to have his daughters in
| STIR cted In the languages, he said, NO one
tongue is enough for woman.
Geo. X. Baugh does the finest wood carv.
ing for buildings and cars. Also, the finest
mouldings OF all kinds for photographs ana
all sorts OF pictures. Call and see, at NO.6G7
! Shipley street
Two female homeopathic physicians, both
lung and Eretty, have opened an office in
St. Louis. Their first patieLt was man
who said he had neuralgia from TOO much
kissing, and wanted TO be cured on homeo-
path principles.
"People who snore are supposed to sleep
heavily, yet experience has proved that q
them.' Don't ki the birds, the pretty birds
that fly about your dolr; for, think, oh,
think, how oft they stop your next door
neghbor's SuOre.
A lady Wha knows more than Ovid about
| love says that man Is mot in earnest un-
less he gets SO confused that he can't tell his
hands from his feet" I,theret re, you want
| TO prove your devotion, young man, put your
hands d the fender and try to get your feet
/ in your pockets.
~ should like to have q coin dated the
year OF my BIRTH" said maiden lady Of un.
srtain age 10 male acquaintance "DO you
| think you could get one for mel" l am
| afraid not" he replied. "Tbese very old
coins are oily to be found In valuable o0llec-
tlons" Al d yet he cannot see why, when he
met the lady the next day, she didn't speak
to him.
| The difference: "Your Eorer and gentle
men Of the jury, l acknowledge the reference
OF the counsel Of the other side 10 my gray
hair. MY hair is gray, and it will continue
to be gray as long as live The hair Of that
gentleman is black, and will continue to be
black as long as he dyes"
New England fun: Some girls think them
selves just good enough to eat simply because
| they are In their sauce age. This dear
| reader, Ia o plar upon the word sausage,
which, are, Of course, good enough to eat.
With little study the beauties Of this para
graIh will be unfolded, and probably you
never saw age prouder Of pun than the
writer Cf this.
GOOD NIGHT.
Good nigbt-the little lips touch ougs,
The little arms enfold US;
And oh, that thus through coming years,
They might forever hold us.
Good night! we answer back and smile,
And kiss the dropping eyes,
But In our tire milling hearts the while
The wisttul queries rise?
Who in the weary years to come,
when we are hid from sight,
Will clasp these little hands and kiss
These little lips "GOod Night 2"
The matrimonial market LEND me $1OO,
Bill" said an Austin sporting man to an
other who had recently married. II haven't
got any money" why. l heard you got
81, 500 when you married." "lts all mif-
take. My wife told me when we first got
married that she would not give me up for
$500 in cash. l saw her and raised her q
thousand dsllaIs, so that's the rumor got out
we had $l,t0O In actual cash."
HymeneaI item: There was a marriage
in colored high life In Austin not long ago.
A colored widow, Mrs. SNOWFALL, who has o
grown but unmarried daught ter, was joined
In the holy bonds Of matrimon with an old
friend Of the family. After the ceremony
was over, the colOred preacher. Parson
Bledso. said to Miss Snow Oall "Allow me
ter congratulate yer, Miss SNOWFALL, dat ye r
mudier and yer fodder has done got mar
ried. What de Lord hab lined togedder let
no man put asunder.'
A country editor is reported tC have Wis.
tied New York recently. who, for comforts
sake, purchased pair OF second hand boots,
good as new, which t1tte him to perfection.
He determined upon tracing the boots to
their original owner, with view OF getting
duplicate last, upon which thencetorth he
proposed to have his boots built. With this
Intelligence persistence peculiar to editors
he soon discovered all about them. They
had once. belonged to himself, but had
been bartered by his wife to peddler for a
ten.cent motto "9od bless our home," and
Anybody but an editor would have been mad
at such discovery, but he was noJ He got
drunk and did not get his paper out that
week, that was all there was OF 1t.
With face as red as lobster,
And back like q shell of clam,
The wife stands over the kitchen stove
And manipula es raspberry Jam.
While the husband with nose like sonnet,
And mouth like the song of year,
Leans over the counter of free lunch,
And elevates schOOuers Of beer.
And the daughter with ears like shovel,
And an eye like q Florida bean,
swings on the front gate with her fellow,
Wi h arkness to cover the scene.
While her boy, the boss OF the household,
Playing ball in the meadow close by,
CraWIs In through The vld Kitchen window,
And gobbled her lam on the fly.
And her beautiful strawberry baby,
With its cheeks like fresh budding rose
Lies CRYING for milk in the cradle.
And chewing the dye from the clothes.
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UN.a NwOunRhnu AM MOuhRV