The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-06-08
T9ae Missing Suspender.

az he stretched himself and drew on his
pantaloons, you've cleaned these trous
ers up first.rate That is wha: l call
economy. If Ihad taken 'em to the tailor's
it would have cost couple of dollars al
least" and Mr.. Spoopendyke went to
his abutioas and then pulled on his
shirt.
"Tll clean your coat, too, if you like" "
said Mrs. Spoopendyke. leave it at
home some day, and ill take this ispot
out of the sleeve" and Mrs. Spoopendykee
with the idea of pleasing her husband.
"Where's my suspenders?" asked AIr.
Spoopendyke, screwing himself around
and looking down his back. "You didn't
clean the suspenders clear out of sight,
did your"
"They were there when you put on the
pants" said Mrs. SPocpendykc. ~ have
not touched them. What did you do with
them?"
"Ob, yes certainly. did something
with them! What dye 'spose did with
them? Think set them up in business
somewhere, don't you? Got an idea |
gave 'em vacation to go a fishing. hav-
en't YEP Well, didn't, and more'n that,
l didn't send them away to be educated
for the ministry Where's my suspen.
ders? Where'd you put 'em? S'posc
Pm going around holding these pants up
all day? Think got no business inter
ests besides holding on NY brcechcs with
both hands? What did you do with the
thingsW
ri know / didn't take them off the
pants" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, pulling
open the bureau drawers and hustling
things around in vain endeavor to find
the missing articles "They must be
there somewhere"
"Show em 10 me then ."demanded Mr.
Spoopendyke. Take stick and point
'em out to me! OF course they are there
somewhere, only just put your thumb on
'em? What have you done with 'em ?
Can't you recollect whether ye made 'em
into hat. bands for the heathcn' like you
did my dressing gown or whether you
planted them TO see If they would grow
like you did my straw hat? Think they
walked off like Croton bug? Spose
those suspenders have taken their girl to a
picnic? What kind Of house Keeping
do you cali this, anyhow? Where's my
suspenders ?" and he pulled the books Off
the sholf, aud rummaged around behind
the case with broom handle for divin-
ing rod.
maybe l can fix your pants 80 you
won't need any suspenders today, and
I'll find them before night" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"That's II. You've got it," raved Mr..
Spoopendyke. "How are you going to
fix them? Going to tie them or with
shoe string, like you do your hustle?
Going to walk around behind me all day
and hold 'em up and button 'em round
my neck. How dye propose to fix 'em
Going TO put 'em on me upside down, 80
if they fall they fall all up7 fl had
your head I'd go ou; {, service as q file.
Fix 'cm, why don't you2 Why don't
you fix 'em? These trousers arc getting
sick at the stomach, waiting to be fixed p
and Mr.. Spoopendyke shot across the
room and dove under the wardrobe in
search of the lost suspenders.
"Just let mo buckle them tight be-
hind" said Mrs. spoopendyke; 'the
strap will hold them"
Spoopendyke. Something got to hold
them If was as sharp as you, I'de get
rich hiring out for an oyster knife. All
you want is 10 have somebody sit cross
legged on you, and come homo two weeks
after you're expected to be q tailor shop
Going to find those dodgaBted susponders
between now and the next war ?"
II know they were on his pants when
he put them on" unused Mrs. Hpoopen.
dyke entering upon little inductive rea-
soning. "He didn't take them oil, and SO
thoy must be there now," and the good
woman approached her husband with
smile.
ooh! now they are going to bo fixed"
said Mr.. Spoopendyke, with terrible
grin. Perhaps you are going TO cut
button holes in your hands and feet and
hang over my shoulders, ain'tye? Want
me to put 'em on over my head, like
measly skirt and two tucks and flounce
to it, don't ye? Maybe you think those
suspenders hurried down to break fast,
SOS to get the first crack at the morning
paper, don't ye"
But Mrs. Spoopendyke made no re-
sponse. Opening the back of her hus-
bands Auttering shirt, she saw the miss
ing snspenders. He had slipped them
over his sholders before assuming the
muslin, and had forgotten oil about
them.
"Sma-. ss g whip, aim: yo?" growletl
MIR. Spoopendyke, ns he drew off the shirt
and let the suspenders down. "If my
head was as clear as yours I'd hire out
for O church bell. You only need four
lessons and drop of rain water to be o
microscope" and he hurried on his clothes
and scuttled down 70 get The morning
paper before his wife could make clutch
at it.