davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
Tall Stories.


try is highly prolific 10 tall stories
Take the matter Of hard blows. A
man sitting in his house. eating q
pie, heard q storm coming, aud ran
to the door. The gale 6rst blew
the house down aud then seized
the man, carried him through the
air hundred yards or so, aud land.
cd him in q peach tree. Soon after.
ward = friendly board from his own
house came floating by. This he
seized aud placed over his head TO
protect himself from the raging blast
and finished bis pie.
Out in Nevada il has been told
that during a gale, while bouldors as
big rs pumpkins were flying through
the air, and water-pipes were being
ripped ont Of the ground. an old
Cbiusman with spectacles on his
nose, was observed in tho eastern
part of the town seated on knoll
calmly hyi ,g his ki,e-,n irou .hrt,
tor, with long chain for q tail
There was man from Boston who
would not confess sstonish,neut at
anything he saw in Nevada. 40 he
was passing a hotel in Virginia City
the cap blew from one Of the CHIN
neys. II was a circular piece Of
sheet iron, painted black. slightly
convex aud the four supports were
were like legs. The wind carried j,
down the street, and IL went strad-
ling along like living thing. The
Boston man asked what it was. a
bed-bug from the botel,' was the
reply. "By George | never saw any.
thing ike that" he began aud ther
added outside Of Boston"
y party Of minors IN the BlacI
hilis compared eyes and ears over I
camp fire Ono said when ! wa'
c)miuy to tho bills l looked for In.
dams until could SEQ a mosquito Q
mile away" Another said that hi,
eyes were weak but taat he coulC
hear gnats Jumping on the rock'
four miles. Tue next III IN had liz
tened for Indians until he had hear,
the mountain sheep light on thei
horns in tho Bg VI ,nntiin. three
hundred miles away. The fourtl
with his head on bis pillow, ba'
strained bis ears until no heard tb
Chinese mailing up to, boxes. Til
fifth 10 crossing tho Rocky Noun
tains, had fouud petr.fsl forest
the trees turned into solid stone
, As he loiterei on tho eige, dee
, started across the valley and wa
transformed in IN )m,nt into soil
stone. A bird he pat hin, anc
pearching upon treo began to sing
Suddenly the bird was changed I
stone. Tho song she was singinl
was also petri6ed, hanging dow
from the peak Of the bird.
A Yankee who had settled in th
| West having told an Englishma'
) that he had shot on one particula
: occasion nine hundred aud ninety
D nine pigeons, his interiocutor aske
why lie did not make it q thousan
at once. mo" said he, not likel
y I'm going to tell lie for one pig
con-" Whereupon the Euglishma
determined not to be outdoue, bt
gan to tell story Of man havin
|, swan from Liverpool to Bostor
Did you sec him = asked the Yam
kee. "Of course did I was con
ing across aud our vessel passe
him q mile out OF Boston harbor.
"Well rm glad ye saw him strange
: cos yer q witness that did
y That was me ~
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

Oscar Wilde thinks the Atlantic
Ocean "tame." II is hard to suit
snch man. We shall have to In
troduce him to an actress who has
seen q statement 10 the paper that
she 10 over forty. II that doesn't
suit his taste FIR the wildly fsrocl rus
bic case 10 bors!sss..
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

When Father Alvord was invited
to ask blessing at public banquet
he bowed bis head aud said, 20
Lord Adam siuned by eating aud
Noah by drinking. Keeps us from
the wickeduess of the one aud the
folly Of the other, Amen
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
The Duck Hunters Story.

Speaking OF duck shooting on ST.
Clair Flats sighed m old citizen as
ne took q seat in gun store yeaster-
1, al don't think there are as many
birds mp there as there were ten
Or fifteen years ago. Why. sir. tho
channels used to be Just black With
'sm, and they we're so tame that you
could knock 'em on the head"
Everyb ,dy sighed to think those
good old days and ducks could new
,r return, aud the veteran hddter
continued
II remember was out one day in
,pril, got iu among tho bipeds and
oow many do you suppose | count
,di''
'rlr o hun ired. "vsntured one oI
he audience after q long interval
Three hundred, Why, I always kill
cd ever thousand every time
vent out. No,sir [ couote | over six.
teen thousand great, big, fat, plump,
delicious ducks, and then | had only
counted those ou one eide oi the
boat !"
GLOW long did it take you, y
II don't know. SIR, 1 had no watch
With me. Time is nothing to mau
counting ducks. ! counted aloud, and
when the ducks were small 4 count
ID two for Que. BY aud by I got tir'
ID Of counting and got ready for th,
slaughter"
"How many did you kill ?"
'Well, now, I suppose I c,uld liz
.bout it aud say killed nine or tee
hundred, but I'm getting too neal
he grave for that. No. l diden't kill
, blasted one, and that's where til,
strange part of the story comes in
,vhen I began to lift that gun up
hose ducks knew what | was up Il
ust as we'll as human beius, aud
what did they do I Why, sir, abonI
'wo hundred Of en- msie a 81 llei
live, swan under the boat, and rails
el up on her port side at once alC
'pset hol! Yes, sir, they did.and ther'
| was in the North Channel; in tel
feet Of water, boat upset, night com
ing on aud | in my wet clothing"
well I"
"Well,I climed mp on the bottom o
he boat, floated five miles, and wa
licked up by two Indians. We tow
,d that upset baat to an islanl, anC
iere another curious thing..comes in
Juder the boat were two huudre,
md sixty.four large, plump ducks
They had been canght there when sh
,pse', aud all we had to do was I
laul 'em out and rap 'em on th,
bead
"Why; why diden't they dive dowr
md get from under the boat'' aske
IN amature duck shooter.
"Why didn't they, sir' why didn'
:heyi Well, sir, [ might have aske,
EN- why they didn't; but it was late
cold wind had sprung up. aud
lidn't feel like talking! All know
that counted over sixteen thoui
md dncks, was upset, captured tw
hundred and sixty-four, aud have o.
fidavits hero in my wallet to prov
eyerything have . ID. Does an
man here want to see the docu
nents 7"
No man did. They all looked ou
of the widows aud wondered il the
could lie that way when they ha
passed three score years.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

What time is it, my dear, asked
wife of her husband, whom she
suspected Of being drunk, but who
was doing his best to look sober.
"wsll, my darling. I can't tell, 'canse
you soc there are two hands on my
vstch. aud each points to diff rent
Dgure. and I dou't know which 10
Believe
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

A minister overlook q Quaker
lady, aud politely assisted her in
opening Q gate. As she was q com
parative stranger in town, he said
You don't know, perhaps, that ]
sm Mr. -; haven't you heard me
preach ?" II have heard thee try"
vas the quick reioinder.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
g Z ry.
ATrHs "mer HoDIsr HOTEL" ]"

Al IhC W.T. UVo'Ss "~'
John, you put out the elders horse,
and take the harness Of
Come In, my brother; how's your wife,
and how's the baby's cough
I'm really glad you called around I;
yoa'realways welcome here
,o,r house has been the preachers
home for more than sixty years.
When father was alvin, who has
long since gone to rest,
The wi h d neighbors called this place
"rex'lar Meth'dist nest !"
Ono said we'd run through all we
owned, as water drops through
sieves
I bought his place at sherifI's sale,
and there's where Thomas lives.
The old man, fore pre-empting land
in yonder world OF bless,
Was one day making 'rangements for
the ones that stayed in this
We said he hoped his mantle would
descend upon his : on,
And ideas me IL II hasn't come, and
it's a broadcloth one.
There was a home at Bethany. where
Jesus loved to stay
We'd leave the city's palaces to get
there any day
Rut when he stood beside the grave
where Lazarus was lowered,
We paid, in ressur ection gold, the
sisters for his board.
I've read, TOO, Of the Shunainmite'
who built upon the wall
A. bed room for Elisha, and invited
him to call {;
You see she wasn't Of the sort who'd
never ask him hum,
And dock him on his salary because
he didn't come.
And there was Siinon's cottage, IL
Joppa by the sea.
A stoppln' place for Peter, and for nj
snch men as he.
/ The man was at his tan'ry once, tn
postal was ut prayer,
While Silnon's wife was hard at work
upon bill Of fare.
He stove, 1t seems, want good t.
draw, or else the wood was wet
Leastways the dinner on that day wa
pretty hard to get ;
But Col let down q table-coth will
different kinds Of meat,
And told the hungry minister to hole
himself and eat.
Why, there's my good old sorre
horse, cannot drive him of,
But what he'll want to stop and drink
atev'ry watering trough,
So Gods dear servants sometime
come to such US me and wife,
To get a cup OF tea along the dust!
road Of life.
You'll find us plain and simple folks
and hoinespun. allow,
Although we've sold the spinnin
wheel and hav an organ now
And Alice, she plays" II old the Fort
and "Over there, "and such,
And don't them ivories laugh and tall
when tickled by her touch ?
The good book tells about time
while Christ was here below,
when breaking of chunk OF brea'
would make whole loaf grow;
or course IL takes our chickens of Il
cheer the preachers way.
But Sam declares their sinsin' roun'
just makes the Others lay.
They Joined iu the festivities wher
Birdie was bride
They went down to the shore with u
when darling Debbie died
They stood amidst the shadows cas-
by coffin, hearse, and shroud,
And pointed out to wife and me tn
rainbow on the cloud,
won't do all the talkin' quite, bu
somehow mem'ries flock,
As soon's hear upon the door you
old familiar knock
But supper's on the table, sir thin
you know your place
Come, brother, make yourself at home
and-won't you please say grace
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

Mamma, d, yoi know What the
largest species Of ants are : Yon
shake your head. Well, I'll toll
on They are elephants"
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

A great lie is like great fish on
dry land 1t may fret aud ding. and
make q great bother, but it cant
burt you. You have only to keep
still and it will die OF itself.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

A man who goes up in o balloon
and comes down oil right is called a
professor. A man who goes up aud
comeS down all wrong is called q
tlurn fool.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
(lticura

u.o. W. Brpwr. ~ Marshall ST. prrVideuos
X. T.. ruroi by OutiorA Rcsulsent tblOo pufi'
Ter and Cutieuts and cuticura SOAP tthe
great skin ru-oslpta RinSwnrm Iiuuor got ~
the bsiber'- which spresd all over his ears,
neck and faco, nrl for sik years resisted all
kinus of
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

A very necessary matrimonia ial
baud. A husband.
When 9 couple make up thsir
minds to get married 1t may be
called tic vCts.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02

Hon, IN. Taylor Boston, Mass, psttnAn'
entity cured Of a humor OF the face and scalp
(ecIeiuaI that hsd bc,n treated uusucoasslully
fOt twelve years years hy many OF BOstons
b"st PHI ysiclans ani most noted rpscislists, as
we'll a. European authorities.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
.CuTlCINA.

Remedies are for sale by All drussi.'s prics
of CurICuRA, u Medioiunl Irll, small boxes,
So; israo boSes, ". GuTlcuRA HrsoLvgSr,
| tho bl od Puriher, 81 pr bottle. tttlcuRA
MEDICINAL ToiLKr SpAP, 2bc; trT'CrRA
! MEDICINAL luiLgr SOAR, lbc.i In bare fof
BARRIERS All large cJnsunsrs, SOC. Principal
depot.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
MILK CRUSC.

Mrs, bowers, lA3 Clinton 81. Cincinnati,
speaks OF her sisters chili, VINO was curei oi
milk crust which rehstei ~ ronsii lies for two
years. kow q 1ns healthy boy, with beauti'
lul head Of hair.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
The Hare and the Fish.

The Hare and the Fish having
borrowed tobacco Of each other for
several IN jnths, aul agreeing per-
fectly we'll on politics, sot ont to
make u journey together aud see the
sights OF the world. Tney hal not
proceeded many miles when n
Wolf was discovered in their prr-
suit. Tho Hare at once started of
at the top Of his speed, but the fish
called ont
"Do not ls,vs mo thus l cannot
run :"
"A Fish who cannot run has nc
business to make journey" replied
tho Hare. and away he le. to save
his bacon.
Tue fish hrrrie | aitor as fast rs
possible, aud both hually found
tn ,mselves on the bank Of river
while tho Wolf was yet n fnrlong
away. The Fish at once rollol into
tho water and then darted away,
but tue Hare shouted after him
"Do not leave ms-l cannot
swim !"
a Hare who cannot swim has nc
business to make Journey aul he
sailed away and left the Haro to be
eaton ou the half shell.
MORAL.
An Owl who had overheard th,
affair from his perch in persim
mon tree drew down his left eye ant
softly said
"You don't know q man until YOU
have travelled with him. ."-Dstroit
Free Press.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
SkIN llu NOR.

II. DRAKE. Esl ,axentf'r Harper nrns !.
detroit Mich. ,glves hn as'hnishiug AcoIrnt OF
his casa (ect INA rolentI. Nh,ch 1ad Uerr
treated and which speedily yielded 10 tho
Cntcura and Cuticura SOAP (the great sAln
ruresl externally.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
FALLING HAIR.

Frank A, Bcan. Steam Fro Engine .. 10
ton, wns cured Of AlUp.cia, or ialllug Of III
hatf. hy tie Cuticura KesOlStDt th'o d purlnei
Internally and tuticura sud tuileuri Soa
the great skin cute-l externally, which com
pietely res. red his hair when all said
Nnuli lpsa
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
SCAI.D dead.
El ZEN A

II. A. RaTmond, Auditor y, W, J n 4. R,R ,
jackson. Nich was cured Of - III Head OF
nine years duration Ly the Cutlcura Reius'
dies.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
TREATMENT.

The Cuticura t'satmeht Consists IN the Ina
ternal uio OF theCu'ioura ResUlNeni, the nov
blopl puriner. and the external ~" oi buiicuFs
snd CutioitG >utp. tho great suu cures.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1882-03-02
%Khiskey!

No oMiskey!
BRowN's Iron BfTrERs
is one Of the very few tonic
medicines that are not COM
posed mostly Of alcohol or
whiskcy, thus becoming a
fruitful source Of intcmpcr-
ance by promoting a desire
for rum,
BRowN's Iron BIrrERs
is guaranteed to be a non
Intoxicating stimulant, and
it will, in nearly every case,
take the place Of all liquor.
and at the same time abso-
lutcly kill the desire for
whiskey and other .intoxi-
eating beverages.
Rev. G.. w. RICE, editor Of
the Ame,7can Christian Re-
rTT0, says Of Browns Iron
Bittcrs.
Gin. O., Nov. rs, 1881.
Gents The foolish vast.
ing Of vital force in business.
pleasure. and vicious indul.
gence ol our people, makes
your preparation necessity,
and il applied, will save hun.
dreds who resort to saloons
for temporary reeuperauon.
BRowN's Iron BITTERs
has been thoroughly tested
for dyspepsia, indigestion,
biliousness, weakness, dcbil-
ity, ovcrwork, rheumatism,
neuralgia, consumption.
liver complaints. kidney
troubles, &c, and it never
fails to render speedy and
permanent relief
The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1882-08-16

their words have greater weight than
they could have supposed. Some per-
sons take advantage of the opportunity,
and abuse it by lecturing or sermonizing
those who are compelled to listen to them.
They wish to be instant out of season,
and, as "a consequence, become most OBJ
JeCtionable to their fellow-C Christians and
the object of ridicule to the world. They
succeed, 1T is true, in scattering religious
truths after fashion but of what avail
are their efforts when common sense and
good taste alike are offended by them
In contrast to such men, with their awk-
ward knack of making everybody un-
comfortable, are others who make no
parade of their own goodness, but never
theless are keenly alive to opportunities,
and SOW precious seed when the ground
is most ready to receive it. :, They are
not troubled in spirit if such opportuni-
ties do not frequently occur, for they
know full well that in maintaining con-
sistent behaviour they may be elping
not to be disheartened if their own re-
ward is not palpable. Men and women
who are eager to do active service as la
borers in the vineyard, and who do seem
to work necessarily, wonder how it is
that some poor, patient invalid, who, rest
ing upon her couch, cannot participate
inFhe out-of doors excitement, exerts a
greater religious influence than the most
Jealous of their number; or how it is
that the silverhaired old man, who en-
tiers alphabetically into the struggles
and trials of youth who is as ready to
talk of subjects which interest the feel
ings of common humanity as he is of the
treasures he has laid up above, commands
so great respect, and how his every word
is not merely listened to, but is remem-
bered, repeated, and retold. The secret
is that the invalid has leisure to reflect
and acquires a gentle tact; and the aged
man has lived long enough to know that
the way to reach mems hearts is difficult,
and that consistent silence is of greater
value than arrogant and aggressive
speech. There is danger, indeed, of true
believers becoming too indulgent to the
ways of the world but if they take care
to draw their inspiration from on high,
they need never be at loss to know how
to serve God and man, while with fer
vor, also with tact-ZHe Outlook, Lon
DON
The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1882-08-16

the mire of their degradation, will com
mend itself to certain class of earnest
Christians. But we believe Lord Shaftes-
bury did not speak beside the truth
when he said that the excuses of the
Army were producing great irreverence
OF thought, of expression and of action,
turning religion into play and making
it grotesque-" Their plan is certainly
not the plan of the Master, nor of His
inspired apostles, nor of the great Re-
formers. And surely our Divine Lord
knew the right way of reaching the
masses. But the past methods adopted
for the worlds conversion seem foolish
ness to the Salvationists. The fair face
of Christianity is now presented to the
populace, not in her simple loneliness
and inherent purity and beauty, but
bedizened and garnished with the gaudy
tinsel of the lowest music halls, and her
fair fame is shrouded in the wild and
unseemly exhibition of trophies" whose
chief delight seems to be to tell how vile
and wicked they once were, without Civ
ing us time to see whether the change
which they profess to have experienced
has been sincere and true and real.
Canon Farrar deserves the thanks OF
all true Christians for his outspokenness,
for his words of warning to the Saliva.
tionists, and to all whom it may concern,
at the present crisis of sensational re-
igion, of which indeed we have al
together too much just now, and the
craving seems to increase in extent and
Juror. We are certainly no advocates OF
GOODNESS in religious matters. But neither
are we of those whose constant cry is 10
here, or 10 there. 1t augurs badly fol
the harvest day when, instead of quiet
careful sowing of the seed in the budding
spring-time, the sower goes forth not
weeping, but shouting-not ploughine
his field, but blowing a trumpet; not
covering the seed, but exposing the fur
rows to every passer-by. The Kingdom
of God cometh not by observation and
if they shall say 10 here, or 10 there
believe them not; go not after them
These are the words of the Divine
Teacher, and they commend themselves
to every candid mind. Let us hope that
the General and his band may soon
understand that faith comes by hearing
and hearing by the Word of God.-Bet
fast Witness.
The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1882-08-16
Religious Tact.

Tact is essential to success. Yet, from
the conduct of very well disposed in
dividuals, it would appear that tact, in
matters of religion, has no place. But it
cannot be supposed that when enjoined
to be instant In season and out of season,
1t is implied that tact is to be wholly
Ignored. What is tact In the world at
large, tact is the ability to think the right
thing, say the right word, and do the
right deed at the most fitting moment
Possessed of tact, mediocrity may out
shine genius and reap harvests it has
never sown. Tact lubricates the wheels
Of system and it is peculiarly impor-
tant In religious services in order that all
things may be done and said decently
and In order. One of the reasons as
signed in explanation of the numerical
success of the latest revival movement Of
modern times is the cleverness with
which popular sentiment is gagged and
the adroitness of those who have placed
themselves at its head. No observer can
attend gatherings of the kind referred to
without noticing how completely the con-
troll of the assembly is vested in the
hands of the chairman. Both hearers
and speakers are subject to one direct
ing mind, and hence the proceedings are
never so wearisome as those which take
place under circumstances where the sue.
cess of a whole programme is often
jeopardized by the indiscretion or selfish
ness of one man, who, if he possesses tact.
does not exercise it. Indeed, the ar
rangement of most religious meetings in
this country leaves to haphazard what
should have been the subject of much
preliminary thought. Latterly, an at
tempt has been made to obviate the in
eeVltable repetitions which must result
from the lack Of plan by assigning to
each speaker a particular theme. But
wherein is the advantage if one speaker
Is so selfish as to monopolize an hour.
GRIPPING those who follow, and necessita-
Iing the summary curtailment of the pro-
gramme ? 1t is not difficult to recall
such instances of want of tact and il
would be well were public men to learn
mat on occasions when some half-a-dozen
celebrities are announced to sneak after
eIlgnt o clock ?. NJ, they should confne
Iheir remarks to a twenty minutes de-
livery. In that time it is possible to
speak matter sufficient to fill more than
one OF the columns Of the daily newspa-
Pers and surely in that space man
VINO has studied to express himself clearly
may convey to his hearers all that thew
are :5 capable Of carrying away upon one
sac Of question at one sitting. Chair
men OF meetings require much tact Their
business IS to divine the mood Of the an
dience and 50 to humor it that interest
may never flag for interest is the fret
step to easy requirement of knowledgo
and knowledge obtained through its sid
IS rarely lost.
But not alone do men accustomed to q
public capacity need tact. There are
those who now and then find themselves
thrust into prominence, and learn that