The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-09-02
THE PARAGRAPH FlEND.
Celestial tinber-Sunbeams.
A mana best size-Exercise.
The Egyptian bard-Bombaid.
Lost at aea-The eight Of land.


A good lacks collector-A bare foot.
A Virginia editor was killed last week In .
duel. Duelllng is becoming almost as dan.
gerous Is fooling with toy pistol.
Missouri has just imported . cargo Of jack.
asses. 'The moro one has the more one
wants." says an envious Ohio paper.
The Syracuse Herald thinks the Chicago
Tribune was not far out Of the way. 1t spoke
Of doctor feeling his patients 'purse."
A brother Of the King Of Siam is named
Damroug riser. We should judge the folks
who named him took him for New York
Alderman.
A dispatch from Michigan says that "near-
~ oil the congressional candidates are In the
field" Now 10 the time to pass resolutions
Of sympathy for the field.
Immediately after Charlie Weeks was mar
ricd II was two weeks, and yet " took nearly
. year to make three notwithstanding
NnDs.
Ella Wheeler, the western warbler, sings,
"Love 10 enough" Guess not, Ella. Baked
beans and brown bread are more conducive
to comfort and lonRcvity.-Ee,o York Com
mercidl.
When man kums to me for advice, ind
out the kind OF advice he wants, and give II
TO him; this satifys him that he and / are
two az smart mon ez thare IL living.-Josh
Billings.
The dispatches report that . gas vein has
been discovered at Bloomington, H.. and the
work OF digging for the body OF whichever
vo,ps N mfr a olaf IL m az pPove In he hAs heen
commenced. CHICAGO Tribune.
Mast, In Harpsr's Weekly, has cut which
hits of the recent prixe.nghters Of West
Point. Each actor has dogs head, and tho
cut 10 marked: ''West-P Pointers. A new breed
Of puppies supported by the U. s."
The wearing Of jewelry Is going out Of
fashion In England. 1t 10 regarded as vulgar
to be seen with a display Of jewels, unless 1t
be on great occasions. Bare arms aud thrOats
are tho rule In fashionable society, the wear
ing Of bangles, bracelets and chains being
left to those who patronize pinchback jew
elry.
The Jenkinses who send specials from
Newport X. l., noting all the movements Of
President Arthur at that famous watering
place-what he eats and drinks and when he
sneezes, report that be attended fox hunt
on Monday. The affair was eminently sue.
cessful from & fox hunting point OF view, as
one Of the gentle aen following the hounds
got fall which broke his hip, and he was
taken homo in an unconscious condition.
Tying her bonnet under her chin
She tied her raven ringlets In.
But not alone IN the silken snare
Did she catch her lovely foating hair,
For tying her bonnet under her chin
She tied young mans heart within.
Nora Perry.
And many time that little chin
He's heard from since, you bet and win!
And hornets she's had for her raven hair,
Aud many time he's been called bear;
And now she 10 throwing her rim glets back,
ssAnd says she shall have a sealskin sacque!
Courier Journal.
young man came into this Office yester-
day, and said he wanted to give us some
points on large gathering Of the evening
before. We told him TO sit down and tell US
any degree Of comfort, and that was the point
he wanted to call our attention to. The gath
ering was located In such . quarter that he
couldn't sit down without sitting on 1t. We
give the Information for what II Is WORTH
Stredtor Free Press.
A Chicago police magistrate has won cheap
fame by flning girl IS for being alone in the
street at O'Clock In the evening. She was
on her way home from the store where she
worked, and had deviated slightly from the
route in order TO get air and exer.
else on the lake shore, when policeman &C.
costed her insultingly. She retorted saucily,
and an arrest for spite followed. The magis-
trate said It was doubtless true that she WAS
entirely respectable, but che deserved punish.
mcnt for being out unattended after dark
The magistrate no doubt was right enough
from his own point OF view. He might have
met the girl himself.
It Ia gratifying to learn that on this earth
there 10 al least one place where women who
arc tired Of their husbands know how TO do
something more practical than get together
for grand talk. The place Is Gross Bees
are charged with poisoning their husbands.
Gross Becskerek contained hun.
dred husbands who were ut for nothing hut
to all coflins-most villages do; still, If the
Hungarian wives had taken counsel Of Amer
lean wives, they would have innoccntly talk.
ed their husbands 10 death.
A Cleveland man named Jones has a COW
addicted to the uncomfortable habit Of switch.
ing her tail in his face while milking her.
The other day Jones took the tail and tied II
firmly to his leg. The COW, irritated by the
flies she could not drive away, started Off and
feeling the curious attachment 10 her tail be-
came frightened and ran. Jones is now
walking about on crutches and remarking:
About the tenth time had been hauled
around that lot began to see where missed
IT, I oughter tied her tsil to her leg and not
to MINI. "-Detroit Free Press.
HER AMBITION.
damsel who lived in Dubuque
Was ambitious to marry . duque;
But as none came to her,
She accepted pooher
Young fellow whose name was Luque.
Tho bride WAS led up the broad aisle,
Got up In the most killing staisle;
When asked II she'd be
true wife TO he,
She promptly replied 81 should smaisle,"
st. Joseph (!Ro.) Ne,cs.
ONLY A MILLINER.