Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-11-22
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

blue ought to be fast color.
A TRAMP will never grow fat on ''the
! provisions of the city charter"
HE temperance question is being
ag1tated with great deal of spirit.
TIME waits for no man. The tied
is bound to wait.--NeW Orleans Plea
| yune.
JOSH Billings says: "Next to clear
conscience for solid comfort comes an
old SHOE"
Things that are advertised as "choap-
! er than ever" are ever so cheap. --NeaO
York NeUs.
POLICEMEN are not fond of boiled
dinner; too many beets in it.-Boston
Conn., Bulletin.
IT is the rich oy ster dealer that knows
how to shell out.-NeaO York CONNER
c90L advertiser.
The new perfume called "Kiss Me"
will create CONSERVATION among the
clerks Of a pharmacy.
WHEN the button comes off the back
OF mans shirt his choler begins to rise.
Boston Com. Bulletin.
"YoU have lovely teeth, Ethel"
eyes, George" she fondly lisped:
"they were Christmas present from
Aunt Grace. "-Puck.
OSCAR WILDE had narrow escape the
other day. A hungry goat attacked
him, thinking he was circus poster
~. 7. Com. AdU.
JOSH BILLINGS advice: "Mi dear
boy, selekt your buzzem friend with
CRATE caushun; once selekted, indorse
him with yure bottom dollar"
WE now have canned meats, fruits.
milk, vegetables, oysters, fish, iellies
and about everything required, except
canned understands. -Detyot Free
Press.
HE meanest kind of a man is the man
who will at this season give to tramps a
straw hat when he knows that If the
tramp wears it he'll get guyed to death.
--SOnaerVjLIe Journal.
TEACHER: Feminine of friar ?''
First boy: "Hasn't any," Teacher:
Next. Second boy: "Nun."
Teacher: "That's right First boy:
"That's just what said"
BALL dresses will come quite low this
seasOn.-LOndonQ Queen. Don't go off.
now, and order half dozen; the above
statement does not refer to the price,
Cincinnati SATURDAY Night.
A PACK of cards stuffed up the sleeve
OF Kentucky man stopped bullet that
might otherwise have shattered his arm
Cards and pocket testaments are the
great American life preservers.
NEGRO minstrels claim that they get a
majority of their jokes from the news
papers. This is rather rough on the
press, but If the public can stand it, we
can.-NeW York advertiser.
TEACHER: "Defne the word exca-
vate." Scholar: cit means to hollow
out" Teacher: Constructs sentence
in which the word is properly used"
Scholar: :" The baby excavates when it
gets hurt.
" azure distemper, according to the
Elmira Free Press, is the Boston name
for the "blues." The Free Press is
wrong, however. Ultramarine lycan-
thropy" is the correct term PhaiodeZ-
pbj0 Herald.
| A CORRESPONDENT of the Louisville
er-Journal, in describing the late
tragedy at Ashland, KY, says:
"George Warner was shot in the head,
| Theodore Kinney was wounded in the
hand, Mrs. Seery was shot in the third
story window"
A YOUTHFUL aspirant to poets honors,
whose maiden attempt bore the title of
"Simply to Thy Cross I Cling was
struck dumb with horror when it ap-
peared in the next weekly edition of the
town paper under the title of ''SimpIe
Little Cross-eyed Thing"
A MISSOURI man got caught in small
whirlwind the other day, which raised
him just a little way from the ground
and shook him until all his buttons fell
off. When the thing stopped he NUT
tered: "Reckon I'll have to send for an
other pound of quinine. "
"Now little children" said the intel.
igent gentleman who having travelled
abroad, was asked to address the Sun
| day School, "now, little children, look
at me and tell me where you think I
have come from" Without the least
hesitation the shrill chorus shrieked:
:" From the country"
CT REoK1N it's Vanderbilt hisseIf. ;"
said All urchin to group of comrades
who gathered around to hear his story
Of man who had just been rescued
from drowning. "Why do yer think
SOP" asked one of them. "Cos saw
i'm give the teller what hauled i'm out
quarter. Brooklyn Eagle.
A BAND of Indian hunters composed
of Buffalo Bill, Texas Jack, Wild Bill,
Merciless Ben and California Joe,
started for the plains from Ithaca, Mich.
| Their ages ranged from IL to IL years.
They were overtaken and captured by
pale faces before they had gone far and
taken back home for castigation.
GENERAL LOGAN says that when he
was out in New Mexico he thought he
would buy some of the ancient pottery
of the Pueblo Indians, with which that
region is supposed to abound He
called for some 800 years old, and pres
emily they brought him piece which
was actually red-hot from the kin!
AT recent marriage in Brooklyn 'sthe
bride wore dress of brocaded plush of
crushed strawberry hue" A man never
wears nair of trOusers of orI1shed