Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-08-24
HUMOROUS.
One of the MISUNDERSTANDING.

Summer board-The circus-seat.
Head line for the report of a club
banquet-A stuffed club.
The front door Csat is always ready
to scrape a new acquaintance.
Prize fights are becoming very fire.
quent. This may be called a revival of
the old style of pound parties.
"Does poultry pay?" said stranger
to city dealer. "Of course" was the
reply, "even the little chickens shell
out.
Victor Hugo says his intellect "grows
stronger with age, and does not rest, y
and the same thing might be said of an
old cheese.
A woman may not be able to sharp
Ell pencil or throw a stone at a hen,
but she can pack more articles into a
trunk than RAN can in a One-hOrse
wagon.
There's one thing" said an old
merchant, chat [ never yet knew to
get tired of standing, no matter how
long it stood-and this is an outstand-
ing debt"
A Philadelphia youth, who is learn
ing to play the cOrnet, cannot under
stand why people will be so careless
Half q dozen stray bullets have already
come through his window.
Things one would wish to have ex-
pressed differently: Musical maiden
Il hope I am not long boring you,
playing so much ?" Enamored youth
"Oh, no Pray go on ! I'D so much
sooner hear you play than talk p
Robinson went up to his room the
other afternoon, and noticed that there
was only one match remaining in the
box. NOW, if that shouldn't burn to-
| night when l come in, "soliloquised he,
''What fix should be in" So he
tried to see if it was good one. 1t
was.
A young lady appointed to defend a
prisoner dressed in sailors costum me,
addressed the jury very pathetically
in behalf of "this child of the sad sea
waves-this nursing of the storm. "
At the close of his remarks it was dis
covered that his client was cook on a
canal boat, and had formerly peddled
fish The "child OF the sad sea waves
! was sent up for six months.
In the morning a man gets up, but in
the evening he gets supper.
Ayacht is more like Christian than
the average man. She can stand Oh a
tack without swearing.
An Alabama editor cOnfesses that he
''has serious apprehension" that base
ball is about to be introduced in that
State.
New York's hop crop will be small
This would be sad blow to the coun
| try if the brewers hadn't learned years
ago how to make beer without hops.
Friend: "Hello, jim, you amt out Of
work again, are your" UwaithfuE En-.
plOye: "Well, yes; fact is, Pm not able
to work; been injured by a premature
discharge"
A French judge asked murderer
what excuse he could possibly offer fol
his crime. "Why, Judge" said the
fellow, II often heard the man say
that he wanted to die suddenly"
$50 your daughter has married a
rich husband" "Well," slowly replies
the father, 81 believe she has married
rich man; but I understand he is a
very poor husband"
! 1t is estimated that thirty thousand
Americans will go to Europe this sum-
mer, and nearly every one of them
will send home to their friends copicus
extracts from the guide-books.
''Do you believe in signs?" asked the
shopkeeper. "Well, I need to-" said
Fogg; "but since you placed in the
window, Selling for less than cost
have weakened cOnsidera bly,"