Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-10-04
SPICE AND ALSPICE,

them In boiling water and dry them in
the sum-" said the types. The editor ex-
planned that bulbs not babes was
meant.
Yes, sir" said Gallagher, SIT was
funny enough to make a donkey laugh.
/ laughed till / cried" And when he
saw smile go around the room he grew
red in the face.
In a certain discourse the Rev. DIR.
Bethund said: "While men slept the
devil sowed tares." The Christian In
telligeneer reported him as having said
sawed trees"
The way the servants at a summer re-
sort hotel would prefer to have the no
tice read: "Waiters will report any in
attention on the part of the guests. -
LOWELL Citizen.
"Do you own this fence ?" savageIy
inquired farmer of tramp who was
hanging over the structure. "No, /
don't own it" grinned the nomad, "but
I've got lean on it. "
THERE was fair maid of Genevah,
Who had attack of hay feyah,
And her dear little nose
Was as red as rose
Unfortunate maid of Genevah
VOLATILE friend" Hullo, what's the
matter, old man? Toothache? Tut-t-t-ti
Have it out If it was mine I'd have"
Sufferer" If 1t was yours! Yes, SO
would II" Exit, grooming. Punch.
A FRENCH doctor has written a work
on Diseases of Memory" A large
book could be written on the same sub
ject with profusion of illustrations from
the lives of politicians before and after
they get into Office. Bos. Globe.
SPORTSMAN (cheerily) Catching
many, Pat?" Pat" Divil a one, sur.
Sportsman" Strange! They say the
stream is well stocked" Pat Bedad,
so it ought to be since none of the var
NIT will allow themselves to be taken
out of it."
Pray" said Mr.. to a gentleman
he overlook on the road, evil you have
the complaisance to take my great coat
in your carriage to town." !" With great
pleasure my dear sir; but how will you
get it again ?" sob! very easily" re-
piled the modest applicant, I shall {" stay
in it"
TALK about stopping the drinking
habits of the people!" exclaimed the
lecturer; 9" there is but one way to do it
you must remove the cause" "True
f'r you, old fell" shouted a demoralized
hearer, " true FIR you. That's what I've
been trying to do all my life. Bring on
yer cause if yer want it removed"
CITIZEN you caught your boy stealing,
did you?" said a suburban woman to
her neighbor over the fence ''Yes,
and it most broke my heart" What
did he steal ?" "He stole two big APP
pies from the store / wouldn't have
cared so much if he had taken enough
to make couple of pies. "-Bost0n
Globe.
The trouble with the young doctor is
that he thinks he knows it all. After he
has been ten or fifteen years in practice
and has made his mark 10 the cemetery
settlements, he begins to find out that
any old woman nurse could discount
him at the start on the diagnosis of a
case. He only beats the old woman by
using the big new names for old diseases.
~ O. Pic.
IT was the custom of Troy minister,
to preach forty five minutes by his watch
which he placed on the pulpit in front
of him, and Lot one of the boys forced
to go to church, not the man who went
just to keep up appearances, but one of
the deacons is believed to be the man
who got hold of that watch and had it
fixed so that it would indicate run of
forty-fve minutes In about fifteen.
Up at TalluIa Falls last week was Mrs.
Spriggins from this county. She had
her little child with her, which could
toddle about and was vanturesome and
caused her great anxiety In the absence
of Spriggins. She remarked TO friend:
ssI wouldn't have that child fall over the
precipice and get killed for anything,
because I would never hear the last of
it from Spriggins. '-HGrta0eU (Ga.)
San.
GENTLEMAN on the railroad car takes
an excellent cigar from his pocket and
lust as he is about to light it recollects
that perhaps his fellow-traveler objects
to tobacco smoke. Accordingly, the
cigar between his finger and thumb, he
turns to his vis-a-vis and says, politely:
"I beg yur pardon, sir, but perhaps
-. "Oh, thank you; with pleasure!
And the other traveller takes the cigar
and smokes it. (P. S. Of course, it
was the polite mans last weed
PLANTATION philosophy: De ell is de
politician among fsh.-A oman is
happiest when she's uneasy about
suthin' II would ruther tell lie TO
cause pleasure den truth to cause pain.
Mature favored de niger in many
ways, but doan see why she put kid
ney foot on him. jedge man
by de fuss he makes. In flynn de hum
min bird makes more noise den de
hawk. De object what is most diff
cult to gain is de most priced. De hard
est nut ter crack has de sweetest kernel
Between de fear oh de debil an de
Joy oh redemption de ignorant niger
doan know which way to turn. Howeber,
de chickin' amt altergedder safe. Ar
| kanSaap TraVeLer.