The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

turn to this country, registered himself at
Bowles's American Agency, Col -
American Minester -, In rought for
home
The gentleman stepped on the coal deal.
ers scales to be weighed. The dealer said :;
"Why, certainly" and called to the man
inside to take the weight. And the man
thought /, was coal he was weighing, and
shouted back the weight 600 pounds.-BoS.
ton Post.
A Kentucky woman has nearly reformed
her husband by persuading HIM to use
bottles of whisky as weights for the clock.
The oftener he drinks the slower the clock
goes, and the longer he has TO wait for his
meals.
Mr.. Toilet, of New York, who has just
failed for 100000, says that his downfall
was due to speculation on the Chicago
grain market. If there are any Grpco-Ro.
man wresters who would like to know
how 1t feels to fall suddenly they should
not forget the grain market.
THE FINDING OF MOSES.
On Egypt's banks, contiguous to the Nile,
Great Pharaohs daughter went to battle in
style;
And rs she ran about to dry her skin,
She kicked the bulrush that had Moses IN.
AL that event surprised awhile she stud
In silence gazing on the boiling tlud:
Then, turning to her maids, in accents wild
she cried,
blood an ages, girls, which of yes owns
the chldy"
-RecollectionS Of Il DuJ1iH slam.
An Arkansas editor, in retiring from the
editorial control of II newspaper, SAID: 1T
is with feeling of sadnes, that we retire
from the active control of this paper, but
we leave our Journal with a gentleman who
Is better able than we are financially 10
handle IT, This gentleman IS well kGuWu
in this community. He Is the sheriff
1rhansdS IrdUe!ler.
Maurice Welsh, OF Norwich, Conn., earns
his living by manual labor and is So Will
ing to do so that he voluntarily gave up
his pension of 81 month. lie wrote u
the pension agent that his wound received
IN the war had ceased to trouble him, and
that he could not cOuscicn!iously receive
any more help from the government. An
agent was sent to find out whether Welsh
was insane. He was.
A fountain in public square of San
Francisco needed painting. An artist
agreed to do 1t for nothing, provided he
could take as much time as he pleased for
the job, and erect fence to protect him
from idle curiosity while at work. The
contract was made on those terms But t
seems the painter has sold the surface OF
the fence to advertisers, and nobody knows
how long he Will be painting the fountain.
A traveller was leaning at night against
railing at the Harper's Ferry railroad
station A locomotive came along, and he
sprasg lightly over the rail to escape pos
slble danger. He thought 1t was a mea-
dow on the other side, but knew his mis-
take when he struck in a muddy stream
forty feet below. On being rescued he
was asked his name. 81 wouldn't tell you
for thousand dollars" he replied; "de.
scribe me simply as fool"
THE PUNsTER GOES BUGGY RIDING.
Suppose" he said in accents soft,
"a fellow just like me
Should axle little girl to we'd
What would the answer beE'
The maiden drops her liquid eyes
Her smiles with bushes min gle
"Why seek the bride halter when
You may live on, sur, cingle"
And then he spoke: 90, be my bride,
! ask you once again;
You are the empress Of my heart,
And there shall ever reign!
"I'n never tire of kindly deeds
To win your gentle heart,
And sad III be the shaft that rendS
Our happy lives apart"
Upon her checks the maiden felt
The mantling bushes glow
She took him for her faithful huh,
To share his wheel or whoa
-EugcHe Fieh.
ABSENT MINDED. -"Did you ever hear
of the absent.minded man p asked the re-