Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-10-26
HE COULDN'T CATCH ON.


The Difficulty the Horse Reporter Encountered In
49, Reporting a Sermon.
q We are little short, said the city
editor, in an apclogetic way to the
sporting reporter on Saturday night,
!" and / will have to ask You to help on
the religious tomorrow. g
"All right. what is it?'
$50 down to the Cathedral; our Epis-
copal Bishop is going to discourse on
something interesting. Use your own
Judgment about space. =
The sporting reporter finished an arti-
Gle on the result of The running meeting,
checked off his assignment and went
home. The next morning he turned up
smilingly n the church, and hustled in
through the,vestibule as if he had been
delayed by the transfer at Western Az
enue on his way to the Driving Park.
He was met by solemn-looking usher,
of whom he inquired, .breathlessly,
''Am in time for the first heat?"
The usher looked astonished, and
asked,
"Can | show you to seat?n ost
Res, will my quarter-stretch ticket
admit me to the grand standi"
"We have no grand stand, said the
usher, perplexed, g but can give you
front pew if you would like that, and
he conducted him to q seat in the second
pew, Immediately under the pulpit, and
went away wondering what sort of a fish
had come to church that morning. The
sporting reporter took seat next to
benevolent looking old gentleman with
mutton-chop whiskers and very high
collar. He looked in vain for table to
rest his arm or to write upon. Not find
ing any, he mopped his face with his
sleeve and began whiting a very small
stub of lead pencil.
Good day for the race, he said
from force of habit. The mutton-chop
man did not answer, and the turf re-
porter inquired if there were many en-
tries. The man did not understand this
either, and the reporter opened a hymn
nal and began to read it, laboring under
the impression that it was an old-fash-
toned 'Krick's Guide. The church
slowly filled up, and after a time the
bishop and other clergymen came out
and the service began. The entire GER
emonies completely nonplussed the rae
ing man. He could not keep up with
and other clergymen began intoning to-
gether, he offered to bet with the NUT
ton-chop man as to which would come
out winner. He sat the morning out
and went back to the Office with the best
face on the matter he could put.
''See here, " said he to the city editor.
"what sort of a racket were you trying
to give me?"
"Why, what is the matter?" said the
chief
"Why. that church racket. could mt
make head or tail of the race, and for the
life of me don't know this minute who
won. 1t was this way, you see. went
in and got good seat right in the
grand stand; there was no reporters
stand. w
You mean you sat in the front pew. y
"Um-m-m, SAID the horseman, "
right in front of the judges stand. >
Judges stand?n said the editor,
"why that was the pulpit. "
mo, it wasn't any pulpit. 1t was
just like judges stand, only it had
big cover, which suppose they let down
on the Judge when he made bad decis-
ion. The grand stand and pavilions
were we'll filled up, and tried my best
to get a few points on the days race,
but no one seemed to be very fly on
points, -
"Did the Bishop preach?"
"There were four entries. y
Four what?n
-Four entries. One was a big six
teen hand fellow, whoseicolors were blue
and white; the other was smaller, and
had red and white; the other was black
and white, and the last seemed to be
riding ont of his colors, and | couldn't
make him out at all. In fact couldn't
tell which was, which for there were no
programmes. Blue and white got the
pole and the scoring began. | tried to
get some odds on him from sucker who
sat next to me, but he wouldn't bet
At last they all came up neck and neck,
and stood up and shouted It's go,
but the crowd all told me to sit down,
and the man who tends the gate came
up and told me he'd put me out if |
didn't make less noise. | asked him
who was running this track anyway,
but dame behind me pulled my sleeve
and told me to sit down. Red and
white cast a shoe at the quarter pole,
but caught up fairly afterwards, re-
sumed his pace and came under the wire
clear winner by half length, trotting
little lame, however. They took
breath, and | tried to catch bet again,
but could find no takers. Time was
called for the next heat, and the I'M
known was bit fractions at the post,
and after some delay they effected an
Indifferent start. Red and White went
to the front, but blue soon passed and
took the lead, winning easily. In the
third heat the field got away at the first
tap of the drum, Red leading and Blue
coming to the second place. There was
q good race up to the half-mile pole,
where Blue took the lead. AS he
broke into the straight at the finish, he
seemed to be picking up his feet quite
lively, and he came down the stretch
with his head up, and went under the
wire at 2:20 gait.
"Well, you don't seem to have caught
much of the sermon. Was there any
music?"
"Well, should say so. There was
full orchestra in the band house. 1t
was quite slick, but one filly was
crowded into pocket by big gelding,
and when the race was finished she was
left behind When | came out of the
door | tried to see the Paris mutuals,
but they weren't on the board. | didn't
get the hang of the thing to-day, but if
give me another crack at it next Sunday,
| think will get on to it in better
shape"
The chief, however, will confine the
young man to his proper sphere hereaf-
ter.
BREAKING BREWSTER.
4 Wei Laid Plot OF the Star Route Defendants