Smyrna times., 1882-02-08
The Effects of Culture.
HOW AN EAST LOCKPORT YOUNG GIRL AS
TONISHED HER PARENTS.

| - ~" HlOHIHS ago Ihe daughter OF an
East LockpOrt man who has grown COM
1ortaDly well off in the small grocery line,
was sent away to Female College,
and recently she arrived home for the
holiday vacation. The old man was in
attendance at the depot when the train
arrived, With the old horse in the delivery
wagon to convey his daughter and her
trunk to the house. When the train stop
ped bewitching array of dry goods and
a wlde-brimmed hat dashed from the car
and flung itself into tho elderly party's
arms.
Why, you superlative par' she ex-
claimed, Pm ever so utterly glad to see
you"
The old man was somewhat unncrved
by the greeting, but he recognized the
sealskn cloak in his grip as the identical
piece OF property he had paid for with the
bay mare, and he sort of squat it up in his
arms and planted kiss where it would
do the most good with report that
sounded above the noise of the depot
In brief space Of time the trunk and the
attendant baggage were loaded into the
wagon, which was soon humping over the
bubbles toward home.
Pa dear" said the young Miss. sur
veying the team with a critical ewes. "do
you consider this quito excessively be-
yOnd ?"
Hey % returned the cid man, with
puzzled air; 'quitc excessively beyond
what %
Oh, no, pa, you don't understand me"
the daughter explained. Il mean this
wagon and horse. DO you think thev are
s0ultul?-do you think they could be
studied apart in the light of symphony.
OF even simple poem, and appear as in
tensely utter to one on returning home as
one could express"
The old man twisted uneasiIy in his
seat and muttered something about he,
believed it used to be used for an EXPRESS
before he bought it to deliver pork in, but
the conversation appeared to be travelling
IN such lonesome direction that he
pltched the horse resounding crack on
the rotunda, and the severe iolting over
the frozen ground prevented further re-
marks
Oh, there is that lovely and consum-
mate ma" screamed the returned col
legiatess as they drew up at the door and
presently she was lost in the embrace of a
motherly woman in spectacles.
Well, Maria, " said the old man at the
supper table, as he nipped piece of
butter off the lump with his own knife
AN how'd you like your school?"
Well, there, pa, now your shou-I
mean, | consider it far too beyond" re-
Piled the daughter. 1t is unquenchably
inefiable. The girls are so sumptuouslv
stunning-Imean grand-sointen And
then the parties, the balls, the rides-oh.
the past weeks have been one sublime
harmony"
Il spose sol s'posc So" rervously
assented the old man, as he reached for
his third cup, "half full-but how about
your boOks-readin', writin', grammar.
rule o thrce-how about them?n
" Pa! dOn't!" exclaimed the daughter
reproachfully 'the rule of three! gram
mar 1t is French and music and paint
ing and the divine in art that have made
my school life the bos-I mean that have
rendered it one unbroken flow of rythmic
bliss-incomparably and exquisitely all
but"
The grocery man and his wife looked
helplessly at each other across the table.
After lonesome pause, the old lady said :
" How do you like the biscuits, Maria p"
"They are too utter for anything"
gushed the accomplished young lady,
'and this plum preserve is simply a poem
in ITSELF"
The old man rose abruptly from the
table and went out of the room, rubbing
his head in dazed and benumed manner,
and the mass convention was dissolved
That night he and his wife sat alone bv
the stove until a late hour, and at the
breakfast table the next morning he rap
ped smartly on his plate with the handle
of his knife and remarked:
Maria, me an your mother have been
talking the thing over, an we've come to
the conclusion that this boardn' school
business is too utterly all but too much
nonsense. Ne and her consider that we
haven't lived sixty odd consummate wears
for the purpose of raisiR' curiosity, an
there's goln' to be a stop put to this un-
quenchable foolishness. Now, after you've
finished eatin' that poem of fried sausage
an that symphony of twisted doughnut,
you take an dust up stairs in less AN two
seconds an peel off that fuAcy gown am
put on u caliker, an then come down here
an help your mother wash dishes. Iwant
it distinctly understood that there amt
goin' to be no more rythmic foolishness in
this house, SO longs your superlative pa
an your lovely an consummate mas
runnin' the rancho. You hear me, Maria?"
-LOckport Union.
young stranger sauntered into revi-
val meeting at Carlisle, Ind, and listened
to stirring exhOrtation to repentance.
He went forward when repentant sinners
were invited, and wept while the breth-
rem prayed for him, When questioned,
he said he was Arthut Thomas, burglar;
that he had come to the village to open
safes, and had entered the church to kill