The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-15

WITH some men the penny's michtier
than the sword, sure enough.

WrTH some men the penny's mightier
than the sword, sure enough.
A WESTERN paper heads an account Of
the drowning of four young men. "A
Fatal Pleasure"
WHAT'S in name? A landlord ex-
poets 2 per cent. more rent where the
street IS called an avenue.
II may sound paradoxical. but it's
nevertheless true, that you think the
least of some persons when YOU think
the most of them.
i SPEAKING of the army worms Fooo
who served during the Rebellion. saws be
used frequently to find them in his bis
cult, and doesn't care to renew the ae-
quaintanee.
DocToRA@Well, Pat, have you taken
that box of pills l sent you?" Pat
" Yes, sir, be jabbers, have, but don't
feel any better yet; maybe the lid hasn't
come off yet!p
. FAREWELL" was the title of a poem
sent to newspaper; and the cruel ed
ltor, in acknowledging its receipt, said:
Its good thing that the gifted au-
thoress babe it good-by, as she will new
er see it again"
A DESPERATE man in BLOOMINGTON.
ILL.,, advertises fora cook, good or bad.
with or without recommendations, to
remain for life or only few months"
He further comedies that "the family
will be docile and obedient."
SHE was Cleveland lady, and she
stood watching boat loaded with ice.
What is that boat loaded with p "Ice,'
was the reply. "Oh, myp she ex-
claimed, in surprise, IF the horrid stuff
should melt the water would sink the
boat"
1t is said that the Marquis of Lorne,
at a railway station in Canada, mem
toned the fact that some of his ances-
tors put their feet under Arthurs round
table, whereupon backwoodsman ex-
claimed "Wa'al, if my ainsisters had
been there they'd put their feet atop of
it, you bet"
A MAIDEN lady said to her little neph-
ew: No, Johnny, you go to bed early,
and always do so, and you'll be ROSY
checked and handsome when you grow
up" Johnny thought over this few
minutes, and then observed: well,
Aunty, you must have set up good
deal when you were young"
"YEs," said an actress of a lady friend
in the profession, Il think Alice is in
sane. Why, yesterday, she actually told
her real age. Not that she's so very old,
you know, but it is better to begin to
cut down gradually than to stop at
certain age and never get beyond it, or
take a jump back five years.
The German Hiegende BIdetter re-
ports the following conversation: "Who
is that gentleman escorting Miss Anne
lia?" "That's her fiancee- cashier of
bank-very rich-splendid match" I'm
deed! what may be be worth ?" well,
that can't be said now-don't know
with what amount he'll manage to get
away" rs.
GAS FOR Mrs. So-and-So," remarks
one of the guests in salon, where they
are passing their friends under review,
"her worst fault is that she is bored
wherever she goes" Her lack of self
ishness is still greater defect, says an
other, "for she insists on not being the
only bored person in the company
French Hit.
A BELLEFoNTE boy stole his mothers
canary-bird, and sold it to man who
had just lost one for SO and the dead
bird in exchange; and, when his mother
was overwhelmed with grief and gave it
fearful burial, he assisted her with the
money jingling in his pockets. That
boy will some day drift to New York
and become great fnancier.-PhiI-
GdelphjG Ne,1S.
SWELL, john" said minister to one
of his hearers, II hope you hold family
worship regularly" "Ay, sir" an
swered John, in the time O year OF"
In the time o'year OF! What do you
mean q" aye ken, sir, we cannot see in
winter" "But, John, you should buy
candles" GAY, sir" replied John; "but
In that case I'm afraid the cost might
o'ergang the profit.
A PARIS jeweler has long dunned
lady of fashion for the amount of his big
bill, but in vain. When he rings the
bell the footman says politely but
firmly "Sir, the Countess only re-
fceives on Tuesdays" Il don't care
when she receives" thunders the irate
and long-suffering creditor, what [
want to know is the day she pays on"
ATTAINED its majority: II don't UNI
derstand," said the landlady, "why no.
body touches that cake. It's been on
the table every night for week and
not soul has eaten a piece of it. 1t is
unnecessary to say that it is particularly
nice. Look at it; it speaks for itself"
Possibly" remarked Fogg, that is
the reason that nobody else speaks for
1t.