The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-10-12
Boarding on . New Plan.

denLIe reader, are you DdcnelOr! III
not, you have, perhaps, had some ex-
perience during your life in this inte-
resting meSf cd of living. The man who
has never had any boardinghouse ex
per.ence has almost lived in vain. He
knows but little of the world his educa
ton has been sadly neglected. A bach
elor friend of ours, whom we shall call
Virgins, chiefly becauae theS is not his
name, has lately passed through the
mill, 7" and gives his experience conf.
dentially. We therefore por- it into the
ears of our readers, in strict confidence,
hoping that it will not be made the sub
ject of discussion at tea parties. We know
that the ladies can be trusted with Sc
cret; but it is the abominable men we
fear-they can't keep anything worth
keeping.
Well, our friend Wiggins, who has
frequently changed his boarding house
of late on account of flies in the butter.
spiders in the biscuit, and disintegrated
waterfalls in the hash, adopted the plan
of renting o furnished sleeping-room.
During the past three months he
has made the entire tour of the
boarding-houses, and acquired an
amount of clearinghouse sense greater
perhaps, than that possessed by any
other living man. A few days ago Wig.
had occasion to give up his sleeping
room on account of the noise emanating
from sundry tireless pieces of machinery
which knew no rest, and disturbed his
slumbers by the outrageous clanking of
fy-wheels and piston rods. He had the
good fortune to secure quiet room in
Browns new block, and retired Satur-
day night in anticipation Of refreshing
slumber.
There was slight caterwauling in the
aisle, but lump or two of coal and a
booths SHED at the jewellers and soon
dispersed the feline combatants and left
the road wide open to the land of Nod.
Wig. turned down the sheets, said
hearty prayer, and plunged in to sleep
the sleep of the just. But few brief
moments had been checked on the dial
plate of Wigs bull's-eye until the en-
circling arms of Morpheus, in which he
had been tightly embraced, were re-
Taxed, and he awoke to the consciousness
From certain sounds he inferred that
his neighbor had been tarrying too long
at the wine, and that h,s outraged
stomach was protesting vebemently
against the treatment it had received.
The wretched man tossed violently, his
terrific upheavels being mixed with
curses both loud and deep upon 1.-The
oysters he had eaten. Wig, who has
had some experience that way himself
fell to moralizing on the iriprudence of
eating oysters late at night. In the
meantime, the victim having finished
casting up his accounts, settled his
stomach with few groans and dropped
of, much to the relief of our friend
Wig, who was preparing to follow his
example, and was, in fact, shirmishing
on the outskirts of dreamland, when he
was startled by the sound of rasping,
prolonged, and snoring from his bibu-
lous neighbor.
It is proper to remark here, that moth
ing in the world SO much disgusts Wig.
as snoring, and he therefore stormed,
swore and hammered on the wall until
he aroused the noisy sleeper, who gruffiy
inquired what the deuce was the matter
By this time the victim of quiet neigh
borhood was thoroughly exhausted, and
before his evil genius dropped off,
again, be was himself slumb erer, dream
ing confused dreams of saw mills, thun-
der storms and boiler shops.
But alas for all human calculations, he
was startled out of his second slumber
by an uprorious revelry proceeding from
the room On his left. There were two
female voices. one male voice, and
sound of clinking glasses. The Ian
guage, which the restless seeker after
quiet could not avoid overbearing, was
not of the most refined character, nor
such as is usually heard from the lips of
ladies. 1t was quite evident to Wig.
that the ''ladies" ~ we'll Is the gentle
man" were severely sprung. The fes-
Invites continued. and verged on the mp
rorious, while poor Wig. tossed uneasily
and wondered II the partition wall was
thick enough to interpose much resist
ance to the passage ofthe bullet. Tremb-
ing on the verge of insanity, he was on
the point of trying the experiment ct all
hazards, when new actor, or actress, in
the shape Of Miss Mollie, dsmsel we'll
known TO police fame entered.
1t app AIRED that Miss Moliie had, or
fancied she had. claim On the festive
gentleman who WAS rioting within, sui
she burst into the room like q thunder
clap. A furious and we'll contested bat
tie between the fair Mollie and the two
festive females ensued. There was b dis
tressing SOUND Of blows. shrieks ard
mutual recrimination, and the MASKING
of crockery like bombshells against the
wall. Frantic screams and whoops,
which would have done credit b. Sioux
ohsof Tho sss.fh pauU ONT ..<,.. Sl.x.