Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-12-13

age, ana should not be lnterfered will
on any account, else the furniture
trade will languish, and the furniture
men and small carriage manufactur
ers pine away and sink into untimely
graves.
Now, anybody who knows anything
about this city knows that her side,
walks are lined with luxuriant shade
trees, which cast a deep shadow over
surrounding objects, which the street
lamps at the corner have long age
quit trying to dispel.
Along the nice, broad sidewalks
} when night has cast her ebon pinion
Ger all animate nature; when the
north star is skylarking with Venus,
, and the pale moon improves the OPP
portunity to steal behind cloud for
wink of sleep; then | say all con-
ditions being favorable, lovers come
forth to stroll along, sling bits of sen
timent at each other, and indulge in
talk that would make the most case
hardened reporter blush for shame,
and HE away to a lodge in some vast
wilderness.
But we digress from our topic, we
must leave the reporter to his fate
and come back to our subject. As
we stated before, the street lamps
throw out a very feeble light, Just
enough to enable the young man to
get his right arm around girls
waist without making any serious mis-
takes. In the semi-gloom he reaches
down to the fair being ut his side,
glances up and down the street no.
body's in sight, and then kisses her.
Yes, sir; just closes his eyes, throws
out his shoulders, initiates his lungs
and fires away in don't-care-a-cent-
for-expenses style, which would cause
the Humane society to get out war
rant for his arrest on account of
cruelty to living creatures. The girl
will, in all probability, throw her
arms around his neck and try to choke
him, and the street lamp will look on
to see what the riot means, and then
go on blinking as if the little circus
was too common for u respectable
street lamp to make any fuss about.
In nine cases out Of ten such a
matinee performance as we have spok-
en- of, will result in an engagement,
which will finally develop into part
nership that will call on the furniture
dealer, and the grocer and dry goods
merchant for aid and comfort, thus in
creasing business and building up the
country.
The electric light will spoil all this,
with dark places made as light as day
the lover can't let his arm go to
waist, can't draw sweet nectar from
the pouting lips, can't come to full
halt and draw the slender figure to
his breast until vest buttons groan
with the strain; can't PROFOUND the
momentuous question fraught with
hope, under a glare of light that
would make the sun ashamed of him
self. OF course he can't for all Of us
who have tried it know by experience
that courting by the light Of the sun
is very unsatisfactory business, and
the best results are never obtained by
that process. The electric light, be-
ing brighter than the sun, will kill the
sparkling by moonlight business dead
er than a mackerel. 1t will have to
be transferred to the parlor, and there
the trouble begins. The old man is
always sure to come nosing about, or
the small boy, who is always kept in
stock, will pop in and want to know
if you're going to feed him on candy,
or buy him a jack knife with six
blades when you marry his sister.
The old lady is also liable to poke
her nose into the room at any mo-
ment, and make some remark about
the fire, or the high price of coal,
which is very often embarrassing, al
though young man who is very
much in earnest might get used to it
after awhile. Just imagine, if you
can, how you would feel if after the
house had quieted down, and the old
man was snoring the roof of, after
a while, that you have made your
mind to pop the question, you are on
your knees before your adored, you
are giving her taffy by the avordu-
pois measure, that your suspender
buttons are threatening every minute
to fly about the room and demolish
the furniture, the crisis has come,
your dear one has calculated the
amount of gum she'll need in Il year,
and has calculated that your income
will bare the tension. She is arrang-
ing her bangs preparatory to flinging
herself into your arms, when a badly
smothered cough slips through the
keyhole. You know at once that the
girls mother has been standing there,
clad in innocence and long night
gown, and has heard you make fool
of yourself for three long hours,
while the thermometer called for
blankets and hot coffee from the zero
point.
You at once decide that you ought
not to keep the old lady out of bed.
She might catch lumbago, and then
you'd feel as though you were some
how to blame so you grab your hat
and strike for home.
Before you see the girl again, she's
concluded to be an old maid, or go
as missionary to the heather, or who
has eloped with the milkman, and you
are out forever.
This is faint picture of the terri
BILE unhappiness that may be expected
when the electric light is put in opcr-
alton, and we hope that the city coun
Gil will remember the long moonlight
strolls they INDUCED in when boys,
and the kisses they captured, and all
the other fun they had by lamp light,
and stop this electric light business