davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
An Absent Minded Millionaire.

There is always great deal of talk
about the way rich men avoid paving
taxes on personal property, hut it is
the assessors don't happen to put them
in mind of it. In Detroit when the
Assessor was making his rounds, and
after le had got through With i rich
mans real estate, he suddenly remark
ed:
oh. by the way. Mr. Tinkum haven't
vou any personal property liable TO
taNation?'
Ne? Why. no"
Haven't you gold watch?'
Lets see--let's see he unused as
his hand sill down to the chain come
to think Of it have
And piano.
piano? Piano? Now that won re-
mind me OF it believe I've got pia-
no."
And how many horses?'
"Horsess Well. declare. but l have
three, If You hadn't mentioned it l
should have never thought Of them
again
And carriages?'
Carriages? Lets see That's so: I've
got two Of them
And presume vou have. ut least,
Sanoowolta Of statuarv and paintings?'
"Mes In my house,"
"ies."
well. now. that's odd. IL Won hadn't
mentioned them should have forgot
ten that ! had any. Dear me, hut /
can STE every day how / fail
And alnnt Your wife's gold watch,
diamond, aud other iewelry. Call EN-
thousand doliars."
MY wife. All. yes. / have wife.
but il sou hadn't spoken fit Ishoaldn't
hay. thought OF it again. Yes. | re-
member now have wife and two
children. Bless me. bnt / must be
growing old terribly fast, Well. we'll,
hut il Was only the other day was say
ing IL myself that ought to get COW
or something to pay personal tax on"
4 COW, ell. I'll put her down. too!
Can You remember anything else 7"
No, nothing. Fact is, I'm SO poor
that I've nothing for the tax collector
to get hold of
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE,

DIR. II. addresses all those who have injured
themselves by improper indnlvenoes and solitary
habits which ruin both mind and body, uniting
them for business, study, society or marriage
These are some Of the sad and melancholy effects
produced by the early habits Of youth, viz. !:
Weakness in the hack and limbs, pain In the
head, dimness Of sight, loss Of muscular power,
palpitaton Of the heart, dyspepsia, nervous irri-
liability, arrangement OF the digestive functions,
debility, consumption, etc.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
PLATFORM OF PRINCIPLES

o. tho National SsrccMbaCk- Labor
Party, Adopted ~ IDcs yIOiMes, 1SS1.
/. That we reaffirm the principles of our
party NJ declared IT our convention in 1891.
2. We are opposed to the monopoly Of money
through the national-banklng system, and favor
the General Government issuing al currency,
making ii full legal tender, and keeping its
volume uniform with the requirements Of in
creasing busine q and population
8. We are opposed to all rcfunding OF the
Understanding national debt, which places il
beyond the power OF the Government to pay 1t
will !; and We demand that said debt DO paid a.
rapidly ~ possible.
4. We favor tho unlimited coinage Of gold
and silver on equal terms.
8. We are opposed to the present system Of
allowing railroad and telegraph monopolie, to
determine the rates for transporting persons or
property over railroads, or for the Use Of tele-
graphs, and hold that all corporations created
by law should Le governed by law IN the inter-
est of the people, aud We regard the lows Rail-
road Commission AS wlllful aud intentional
Eindrance 10 that end.
6. We are oppos d to the monopoly OF land,
and demand that all public lands, including
those forfeited hy Noncompliance with law,
shall be held for actual settlers.
z. We hold that the representatives OF labor
have the right 10 combine to protect all their
constitutional rights, and that they should be
protected by Law In the exercise Of that right.
Z. That our patent laws for the granting
patents should be so amended Is to prevent
courts from assessing damages against inno-
Cent purchasers, who in open market purchase
any patent article which may DO an infringe
ment on any other patent.
Q. We arc opposed to oil monopolies and are
in favor Of equal rights, equal burdens, equal
taxation, aud equal benefits for oil, with spo-
eial privileges Tor none, and We hold that ID the
best government "Mherein an injury to one j.
the concern OF all"
ID. We favor revision OF the tariff laws in
the interest Of American labor, and not in the
interest OF rich corporations and monopolies.
IL. We urge upon all anti-monopolists Of this
State to consider the utter hopelessness Of OBJ
tanning the relief by them demanded at the
hands of either OF the old parties, and request
/ them TO unite with us to assist in gaining these
! ends, and we pledge them to make that ques-
ton one OF great prominence, and that our
candidates shall earnestly labor to secure this
desired reform.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
cARRoLLToN, Ohio.
WHY LABORERS ARE POOR.
How Even Interest nj Two Per Cent. Will
lscggar II Nation.
Edward knlinuu

How Even Interest III Two Per Cent. VIII
Ncggar u Nation.
Edward Kellogg
In all ages and nations the rates Of
interest maintained have been so high
as continually to concentrate the wealth
in few hands. When the wealth Of n
nation becomes thus centralized. the
producers and distributors who are tles-
titute Of property are compelled to bor-
row money and rent property from its
holders. Suppose the whole property
Of nation to be accumulated III the
possession of ono man tfor this shows
the principle more strongly. then all
other individuals would he compelled
either to buy the property on credit or
rent it. If he should charge 3 per cent.
per annum on the money or property. it
could hardly fail to keep nineteen
twentieths of the people in poverty.
For few years they might appear to
be prosperous. but their prosperity
could not possibly be permanent. be-
cause the rent or interest would certain
IL absorb more than the people could
earn. 4 rate of interest of even 2 per
cent. would produce the same. results.
but in less degree, because there
would be many more owners Of proper
ty. and the general indebtedness Of
the people would not lie nearly so
great as ii is at the higher
rates Of interest. 1t cannot, then, be
true that the low rates Of interest main
tanned in the old countries are the
caus of the low prices of labor and
the poverty of producers. but, on the
contrary. the former high rates of in
terest accumulated the property in a
few hands. and the present rates of in
terest are sufficiently high to continue
the accumulation and prevent the re-
ward Of labor. High rates Of interest
is the cause of the poverty Of producers
in all nations. In England. where the
average rate Of interes. per annum is 3
per cent. labor. which produces every
thing. is compelled to double the entire
capital of the natioh in the hands of its
holders in twentv-three and half
wears. beside which the laborers must
furnish their own support. But this is
not the only cause of the depression Of
labor in Great Britain. An enormous
sum of money was borrowed by the
Government OF its wealthy citizens and
expended iii wars. The interest on this
national debt amounts to about Sl20,-
0O0. 900 per annum, which the people
must pay .bv an annual taxation of their
products. Labor receives no benefit
from it. The money is not invested in
land or in anything else Of which the
labor has the use by the annual pay
ment Of the interest The interest on
the national debt is additional to the
too-high rate of interest already charged
on all the capital actually employed.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12

Grating into state Of anarchy which
Webster defines to be want Of gov
eminent in society,"
Although bad government is better
than no government, it does not follow
tint we had better bear the ills We have
than to fee to those We know not Of"
provided our deductions in the forego-
ing have been correctly and logically
stated: and, ii have not done the sub
jet justice. l hope that some sage will
arise who il able to suggest Il panacea
for the ills we have, before the final
crash-for hope that no library will
ever contain work entitled The Fall
Of the United States Government.
Sic transit gloria m,ndi.
PETER NJ. HERuLD.
MI.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12

THE Oldest minister Of the Methodist
Episcopal Church is the Rev. DR.. Peter
Akers, Of the Illinois Conference, who
was 90 years old on the LIST instant. On
the 3d he preached at Centenary
Church. Jacksonville, sermon Of nj
hours duration with great ,igor and
povpr
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
DR.. FlSHalATT,

Graduate OF one Of the most eminent Colleges Of
the United States, has effected some Of the most
astonishing cures TINT were ever known: many
troubled with ringing in the head and ears when
asleep, great nervousness, bcing alarmed ut
certain sounds, with frequent hlushing, attended
sometimes with deransenent Of the mind, were
cured Immediately.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12

Has removed his Institute and Residence from
Burlington To Cedar Rapids. Iowa, No. ls7 Iowa
Avenue. two doors west Of Van buren, Street,
four blocks from Depot, where he can always be
consulted free.
Those who reside nj a distance desiring the
doctors services, and cannot call during these
days, will receis. prompt attention through
mail by writing, stating symptoms, etc, incloss
ing stamp Address
{. n. FlSHBlATT, N. D.,
Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
4 CURE WARRANTED,

Persons ruined in health by unlcarncd pre-
tenders, who keep them tritiing month after
month. taking poisonous and injurious COM
pounds, should apply Immediately.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12

ourselves no uneasiness, for our civil
institutions were studiouslv framed in
dependent of spiritual matters, thus
leaving the mind Of each individual free
to act.
The religious revolution that COM
menced with the Reformation has not
yet alsated, and from the very nature Of
the subject can never ahate, nor even
lie brought to \ final adjudication, for
the want of an authorized tribunal hav.
ing jurisdiction. Ii is said that the
early pilgrims to this country Temporal
rilv assumed this authority when they
took possession Of the lands claimed by
the Indians, the puritans having no
titles to the land, except what they ar
rogated from the Bible, nj one Of their
meetings. in the following resolutions:
l. Resotred. That 1.-The earth is the
Lords, and the fallness thereof 2.
Resolved, That the Lord has ven the
earth To his saints rs an everlasting in
heritance. 3. Eesolred. That we are
His saints.
Political power exercised unlera free
government cannot. and should not. he
thus arrogated. Int must be conferred.
either directly or indirectly, by popular
consent. The earth in its natural state
~ before said, is capable Of supporting
but = limited number Of inhabitants
compared with its eapahiIity in state
of cultivation. So that it is impossible
to separate the Improvement made hy
cultivating from the earth itself upon
which the improvement is made: thus
the idea of landed property arose from
that inseparable connection: but it is
, the value of the Improvement only, and
not the earth itself, th Il is individual
property.
4 ground-rent. therefore, arises Ia
the community in which this cultivated
land is situated. doubtless for the Ear.
pose Of protecting and compensating
those who are born after the ground in
that community has all been cultivated
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12

New Life
Is given by using BRowN's
IRON BITTERs. In the
Winter it strengthens and
warns the system; in the
Spring It cnrichcs the blood
and conquers disease; in the
Summer it gives tone to the
nerves and digestive organs;
in the Fall it enables the
system to stand the shock
Of sudden changes.
In no way can disease be
so surely prevented as by
keeping the system in per-
feet condition. BRowN's
Iron BITTERs ensures per-
feet health through the
changing seasons, it disarms
the danger from impure
water and miasmatic air,
and it prevents Consump-
ton, Kidney and Liver Dis
case, &c.
II. S. Berlin, Esq, Of the
wcll-known firm Of II. S.
Berlin s. Co., Attorneys, lie
Droit Building, Washing
ton, D. c., writes, Dec. 5th,
1881:
Gentlemen. I take pleas
nre in stating that have used
Browns Iron Bitters for ma
laria and nervous troubles,
caused by overwork, with
excellent results.
Beware Of limitations.
Ask for BRowN's IRON BlT-
TIERS, and iusist on having
it. Don't be imposed on
with something recon-
mended as Just as good"
The genuine is made only
by the Brown Chemical Co.
Baltimore, Md.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
MARRIAGE.

Married persons or young men contemplating
marriage, aware OF physical weakness loss Of
provocative powers, impotencyl. nervous debility,
or any other disqualiacations, speedily relieved
He who places himself under the care Of DR..
Fishblatt may relixionsly coniiie In his honor
~ gentleman and confidently rely upon his
skill as nhysciAn.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12

Who have become victims Of solitary vice, that
dreadful and destructive habit which annually
sweeps to an nntimely grave thousands OF young
men OF exalted talent and brilliant intellect, who
might otherwise have entranccd listening Senates
with the thunders OF their cloqnence. or walked
70 ecstasy the living Tyre. may call with full con-
tdence,
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-10-12
ORGANIC WEAKNESS

Immediately cured and full vigor restored. This
afsiiction--which renders life burden and mar
riagc impossible-is the penalty paid by the VIC
tim Of Improper indulgence. Young persons are
too apt to commit cxcesses from not heinv aware
Of the dreadful consequences that may cnsuc.
Now who that understands this subject will deny
that procrcation IL lost sooner by those falling
into improper habits than by the prudent. He
sides Icing deprived Of the pleasure Of healthy
offspring, the most serious and DESTRUCTIVE
symptoms Of beth mind and body arise The
system becomes deranecd, the physical ahd
mental functions weakened loss OF provocative
power. nervous irritability, dyspepsia, ralpita-
ton of the heart, indigestion, constitutional de-
hility, wasting Of the frame, cough, consump-
ton, decay and death,
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05

time the cats were wont TO pyramid .(purr
omd) the solltudcs OF tho country. But Arabi
was determined to fight, and called oven upon
his two wives Alexandria and Mdr60tts (Mary
OTIS to nsslst him. They said, AHdh| (nh la),
has II como to this2 but, II We must, we VIII
go to Romioh (Ram lor), and supply ourselves
with food by taking Islam (his lamb with US.
This soon came TO the cars OF the English.
They protested that thoy did not want to light
against women. They claimed that they had
their Mondrch with them; that they were In
rinciJie, and they oven had Nedite,rdHsdH
MILDLY traininO TO sea (seo) fair and equal
night and they felt themselves compelled, un-
der the circumstances, to match ono OF their
own women, by the nhmo OF dterdndrtd, against
the Egyptian dhIdndrla and Mdreotts (Mary
otis) Tho challenge wns accepted. Tho Eng
llsh Monarch told his Alexandria TO 1emsrdire
Cteom her hair about her shoulders and sail
IN, and tho fight commenced. Tho Egyptian
dkTdhdrtd fought In hdrem (harum) scarum
manner and punched the sides OF The English
woman, while the latter struck highor aud
went for her lights and her CortreSS6S -four
tresses.) In fact, tho Egyptian Aler-
dndrid soon found that sho had "struck
her MATCH" and what was moro terrible
that In striking 1t she had set herself on 1rc,
and Mdreotis MARY otls) could not put her out.
The Engllshman thereupon called upon hor
Monarch TO extiDguish the flames, who threw
his arms A6tUklr about hor) for that pur-
pose. Both Alexandria and Mdre0ttS MARY
Otls) thanked him for his efforts and hoped
they should Seymour (see moro OF him, to
which he replied that he should Hdrbor no Ill
feeling toward them Bey Boy (bye.bye) was
said, and ho left them. By some means In.
formation Of all that had occurred was sent to
n DgGcrin ("dufrer" in) Constantinople, who
told the Porte. The latter was very in.Saitda
dnsulting) and insolently remarked that
doubtless he Dunerln) was very Giaistone
(glad, stone) and mud had been unable to
withstand iron. What tho outcome Will bo 1t
is hard to tell. only the other day Gdnabetta
(bet ~ man In Paris good round sum that
France ought to tako hand; that 1t was tho
duty of Europe to suppress oil arabs uabies)
as being dangerous TO the community and
that they should not be 2ouion too long about
It. Since writing tho above I learn that tho
English have taken a new 1eck tack), and
may have something interesting to communl.
cate in my next.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05
100000.


Y. Nj. &. A. weekly Bulletin.
Tho 9Th day of March the opportunity was
offered this Association of purchasing the
property known as Chamberlain's Clubhouse,
400 New York avenue, at $4,000. The
terms were 81 900 payable at once and $4,000
additional September /, 1882, or forfeit tho
meeting OF the board Of managers held in May
1t was decided that unless at least 500, 900 was
secured in bona-fide pledges before September
1 that they would forfeit the $1,000, rs 1t
would be unwise to enter the building en-
numbered with a large debt. II looked to them
like great undertaking, as indeed 1t was, be-
. cause OF the amount TO be raised by september
l and tho unfavorable season Of the year to
push such an enterprise. 1t is therefore graft
Tying that we are able to announce this week,
that the whole OF the $4,000 Is pledged,
thereby binding tho subscriptions and giving
encouragement for vigorous prosecution OF
this work until the whole amount Is obtained,
enabling the association to occupy this eli.
gible location and splendid building free from
place permanent homo will be appreciated
While the association has done noble work
In tho past II has never had rooms that were
adapted to Its purpose or work. 1t is mis-
take that has been made by too many associa-
tions, that their buildings should be built
with an idea OF large revenue, rather than
for their convenience and accessibility. Tho
writer has visited rooms In other cities where
1t was almost necessary to havo a guide In or
der to flnd an entrance to them. The building
that this association is TO occupy can be thor
oughly adapted TO association purposes, Is
easy OF access from every part OF the city, pre-
sents an attractive appearance, tho rooms for
our use are on the first floor, and enough room
remains TO bring IL u moderate rental. With
promise Of increased usefulness and larger
work for the association. Now that this much
has been accomplished and enough has been
pledged to consummate the purchase, every
means Will be used to push the subscription
early to $4,000. 1t can be done, Will you
help to do itp
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05
The Egyptian Question.

There are many theories suggested as to tho
cause Of the present trouble In the East, and
many statements haye boen made and sur.
misses indulged in-somo claiming It to be
question OF finance, others question OF
conquest, and still othors that 1t was matter
OF revenge. The true particulars seem to THE
CRITIC 10 bo rs follows.
The Port said they had the entire control OF
the entrance 10 tho canal. England said, "No,
Sutz," tsue has). With that Arab put on IsHsaR
this maiD and showed fight. England re-
sponded, swat awhile until we Seymour (see
more) about It. At once Arab retired to the
interior ana began TO Cairo Grow. Ho COM
mencod to sing a fayorito song, but was In.
stantly rebuked by priest, who remarked,
"Not so loudi you 1fahon'et," (may hum IT,
Do Lesseps then remarked, "What Is the use
OF quarreiing 1t does not matter who has
control OF the entrance. You canal (can ALL go
through; A aye, u (bo) It from Oto z tsea to
sea-
We would remark hero that prior to this
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05

Tue New York Sun has nominated the
Hon. John James ingalls, for Vice President
on ticket with Chester Allan Arthur for
1854.
This is the same New York SIN that two
years ago offered to prove that John James
Ingalls, had bought his seat in the Senate
with Jay Gould's money and demanded his
expulsion on the charge of bribery and cor
ruption.
Mr.. ingalls, easily survived the libelous
enmity of the Sun. Whether he can sur
vve its insidious praise remains to be seen.
But it is worth while to note that the Sun
never saw anything in Mr.. ingalls, to praise
until he deserted his party to follow the
lead of Jim Beck in support of British in.
terests. Mr.. Ingalls, is not to be congratu-
lated on the company he has fallen into.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05

A RECENT crop report states that in ad-
dition to the enormous product Of this year,
there are several million bushels of last
years wheat still in store west of Chicago.
A big European war would be God
send to the holders Of this wheat; particu-
larly war involving Russia and England,
which would instantly end the expectation
of Russian cereals to the markets Of West
ern Europe.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05
To Summer Absentees.

Persons leaving the city during tho summer
months can have THE EVENING CRITIC mailed
to their address, in any locality, for 35 cents
per month, or three months for 81, payable in
advance. THE CRITIC Will bo found tho best
medium for keeping absentees thoroughly
posted on what transplros at tho Capital. Or
ders can bo sent by mall, or left Mt tho busi'
ness ofIlce. Address changed as often as
deafred.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05

CARL ScHURz says that the courts of the
District of Columbia have no jurisdiction
over the New York press. Perhaps not !;
but there may be some way to reach the
"hireling libelers Of the New York press
employed as Washington correspondents
and residing in the District.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05

Mr.. MERRIcK's attention is called to the
lies and libels of the hireling libeler of the
New York Herald in to.day's issue Of that
daily sheet of printed scurrility.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05

AN ESTEEMED Southern contemporary
remarks that the editor of the Star is very
severe upon the editor of The CRITIC, and
suggests that q personal difficulty seems to
be impending. Our esteemed Southern con-
temporary does not comprehend the situa-
us. His few remaining subscribers are the
sufferers. As to the personal difficulty" we
know nothing about it, but presume that
if the editor Of the star has quarrel with
anybody it is with his family physician or
his business manager, or both.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-05

Ex-Governor HENDRICKS has always
been noted for his success as straddler of
sharp points, but his latest effort in that
line excels all his previous achievements.
He produced plank for the late State Con-
vention of the Democracy of Indiana which
declares that the party is in favor of sub
mitting to vote of the people prohibitory
clause for the State constitution, and op-
posed to its adoption after it has been
submitted. The first leg of the clause is to
catch the temperance people and the second
is intended to catch the whisky drinkers
and sellers And the result is that both
factions are mad as Hades. That is the
way Thomas straddles generally work out.
Let him try another ante, for, as the case
stands now, he has the hot end of the poker
in this little game of draw.