New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-04-26
FOR BOYS AND GIRLS.

middle man.
A writer in St. Nicholas advises boys
to breathe through their noses when
running. A boy who would breathe
through his ears could not expect to win
q race.
When a certain boy was asked what
saltwater tastes like. he replied:
''Like your foot's asleep"
He must be brother of the lad who
remarked that vinegar tasted like ''thaw-
ed sand-paper."
Another boy, of the same family, hav-
ing for the first time got mouthful Of
Chili-peppers, exclaimed, with tears in
his eyes:
mo more needles and pins on toast
for mer'
II wonder why the organ played To-
he-grins?" asked a boy who had been
to a grand church-wedding.
elbow very stupid, Freddie!' said
Freddie's younger sister. 1T wasn't
'Lo-he-grins,' it was :Lo-he's-green.'"
''You 60 to school, don't you, Char
lie?" said Charles aunt.
EYES," replied Charlie.
''And you don't play truant?"
mo; but I'm learnin' to play the pi-
anner!'
''Why do you suppose a donkey eats
thistles?' was the question put by a
teacher to one Of the largest boys in the
class.
because he is a donkey, I guess"
was the ready reply.
"My boy" said conscientious teach
er, "do you know why I am going to whip
you9'
..Yes," replied the hopeful, "because
you happen to be bigger than I am"
He wasn't whipped that day.
A very small boy, who was standing
at a window one morning, saw in the
street a horse led by halter, in the
hands of a half-grown lad.
'Look. father" exclaimed the small
boy, ''that fellow has the horse by his
necktie!''
Lucy had been reading fashion pa
per. Looking up, she said:
"Mamma, what do you suppose is the
newest thing in gloves?''
II don't know, child, What is the
newest?'
1.-The baby's thumb, of course"
"Why does the Judge charge the ury?'
asked TOMS father.
Tom smiled, got down out of his chair
ready to run, and then, laughingly,
said:
because he couldn't make them pay
cash, I guess
Two little girls, aged four and six
years, had just had new dresses, and
were on their way to Sunday-school.
Said Eta, the elder: ''Oh, have for
gotten my verse;" Il haven't forgotten
mine," replied the other. ut is, Bless
ed are the dressmakers.'
A fond mother, hearing that an earth
quake was coming, sent her boys to the
country to escape it. After a few days
she received a note from the friend, say
ing: ''For goodness sake take your boys
away and send along that earthquake in
stead"
During the winter just gone, a lady
noticed a boy sprinkling salt on the
marked to friend, pointing to the salt:
''Now, that's benevolence.
''No it isn't!' said the boy, indignant
ly, tits SALT
In turning over the leaves of scrap
book, one day, small boy came across
the well-known picture of some chickens
just out of their shells. He examined
the picture carefully and then, with a
grave look remarked:
.'Ihey came out cause they were afraid
Of being boiled.''
"Why," said tall youth to little
person, who was in a company that
numbered six big men, Il declare you
are SO small that / did not see you be-
fore.''
every likely" replied the little man.
"rm like gold dollar among six cop
per pennies mot easily seen, but worth
the whole of them!'
Paris Newspaper Wit.
The remark is hazarded before true
son of Marseilles that, in comparison
with the ocean, the Mediterranean is a
placid and calm expanse of water. "Pla-
cid and calm!'' echoes the Southern
patriot; ''that's all you know about the
Mediterranean. I'll tell you what hap
Pened ME once. was coming to Paris,
and I brought bottle of Mediterranean
water with mel always carry it with
me to make me think of homeland I'll
be hanged, sir, if the moment I entered
the car every man jack in it wasn't sea-
sick. And they were old sailors, too
That's how calm and placid the Medi-
terranean is, STRIP
On issuing from Rubinstein concert:
''What genius he hasr' '.There never
was such a pianistr' IA wonderful
man! once thought of being a pianist
myselfn' ''You' never have succeededr'
II don't know. I had quite taste and
talent for music" Eyes, but your hair
isn't long enough"
Fond parent almost bursting into tears
-"Angelina, my love, have bad news
for you. Heaven knows, my child, l
would spare you the sorrow if 1 could,
but Edwin Daughter ''Speak quick
y! My love, my promised husband-''
Fond parent-"ls gambler!'' Daughter
20, pa, is he lucky?''
The other night lively discussion
began in an ale-house, and being adj
journed to the sidewalk, was continued
with such increasing warmth that finally
the police interfered and invited the
most prominent disputantst to accompany
them. ''You little know whom you have
to deal WITH" said one of the men ar
rested, with severity. When they en-
tered the Commissaire's Office he repeat
ed triumphantly: "rll let you see whom
you have to do WITH" When the Com
missaire put the customary question to
him. ''Sir-r!'' replied he haughtily,
'syou little know whom you have to do
with!' well, who are yon?'' 'Who
am l?'' Eyes; who are you anyway?''
'l'-in a voice of thunder-'tam the
janitor of 62} Rue Petreller'
He Had the Patience Of Job, but Oouldn'
Stand Everything.
r