The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-06-02
WHY WE LAUGH.
The commercial traveller Is called drum
mer because he has Q snare head.

The commercial traveller Is called drum
mer because he has Q snare head.
DR.. Bliss has healthy though not lauda-
BILE pus with $25, 900 in 1t, and he is going to
Europe.
Live within your income. It's terrible
hard work to live without it.-Pha. Chroni-
cle-Herdld.
IL was never one of the mistakes of Moses
to call the other man q liar.-Lo,isuille
Courier Journal.
A "strictly moral circus " Is advertised In
the Kansas papers, which gives nine hours
Of solid entertainment condensed into two -
A fashion paper says corn meal rubbed in
the hair will clean it. But nobody wants to
take so much trouble to clean corn neal
~ Y. Post.
Barnum is said to be negotiating for Oscar
Wilde. The Buffalo Express wonders
whether he will exhibit him as q curiosity
or horrsr.
In view Of the demand for jewelled gartes
1t Is thought highly probable that bathing
suits will be in demand for evening wear
Rome Sentinel.
= hC SuiSok0 ITtOuUC DO1SIS LQaL Jesse
James was one Of of its irregular readers"
Considering this fact, it's surprising that he
behaved ss we'll IS he did.-Boston Post.
Arkansas has mule that will stop kick
ing If the Lords Prayer is recited to him. It
80 amazes him to hear an Arkansas man
pray that he forgets ell about kicking
Boston Post.
Said Brown: "The day I was married I
quit chewing tobacco, and 1 tell you it was
pretty hard on me that day, but the next day
/ was all right again" "Ah! how's that ?'
"Well, the next day I commenced chewing
again."
Sitting Bull Is credited with remarking In
thoughtful manner: "What Q pity It Is
that our forefatheS, the noble red men of
the forest, failed to pass an snti-European
bill early In the seventeenth century,
Hartford Courdnt.
1t was DR.. Hammond who, during the
Presidents illness, invented the word 6Syg-
And yet Congress thinks he
should receive less pay for his services than
DR.. Bliss! 1t weuld be rank Injustice
Norristovn Herald.
The genius who telegraphed that the loss |
by the Racine fire was $13, ,000, 900, when 1t !
was not 81 ,000, 900, or anything like is in the
wrong field. He should be president or Sec
retsry Of mining company. There he could |
distinguish himself-Boston Herald.
The Scranton Republican relates that IS q
man took his seat in the bar
oer's chair he asked the barber If he had the
,ame razor he had used two days before.
Being answered affirmatively, the patient
man said: "Thsn give me chloroform."
Secretary Chandler finds that only one
half Of the entire navy is in fighting condi-
lon. BY fighting condition is evidently
meant the same sort of condition that Ryan
vas In when he fought With Sullivsn-in
condition to get tlicked.-Lo,cell Citizen.
An exchange says: "Some must have a
quarter of column to express q well defined
dea, when writing for newspaper; but it
astonishing how concise they can make an
advertisement that costs thirty cents line."
es, some like to spread when 1t don't cost
cent. That class of men are so thin that
hey don't amount to much in the world.n-
Cambridge Tribune.
Prentice was playing at poker on Missis-
'ippi steamer. Prentice bet thousand ON
his hand; his opponent raised him 1--WE hun
ired; Prentice raised him thousand; his
opponent raised him five hundred; Prentice
gain raised the stake thousand; "Mr.
prentice," said the opponent confidently,
you are betting more than your hand is
worth" Il Prentice looked at his hand, turned
I down on the table and said: ''Sir, i'll were
playing with Jupiter at star ante | would
iarken the heavens on the hand have lust
aid down."-Denuer Inter Ocean.
A story is told of Mr.. Simon Wolff, the
american Consul General at Cairo, Egypt.
lie reached Cairo about the time of the great
.evolt. He was sitting In front of Shepherds
Hotel taking his after-dinner coffee, when
IN excited Englishman rushed up to him
md cried: "Have you heard the news, Mr..
Consul? There is to be q general rising to
hight and every European and Christian in
he city Is to be murderedp Mr.. Wolff |
vent on drinking his coffee, apparently un-
moved by these dreadful tidings. "Do you
not hear me ?" reiterated his sgitated in
ormant. "The fanatics intend tonight to
ill every European and Christian in Cairo"
: es, hear you," quietly responded Mr..
Wolf, "but do not see how that affects me
It all, since am an American aud an Israel-
te."