The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-03-31
WHY WE LAUGH.
A fellow can't dig CLAIMS without moving

mussel.
Clip-tomania.-The appropriation of other
papers paragraphs.--Funny FOLKS.
al occasionally drop into poetry" as the
man said when he fell into the editorial
waste basket.
Ii is said this world belongs to the ener-
getic, but 1t doesn't; it belongs to two or
three capitalists. .... ..
er . medium-weight brigade made q charge
at Balaklava, and do the square thing by
them If they did.-Norristow Herald.
Isn't it little singular that Peter, who had
been in the habit Of geing fishing, should
have been so staggered at the little lies told
by Ananias and apphira.-Somerriile Jour
nal.
A venerable Democrat in very back town
being asked: "What is Democracy" hesi-
tated, but at lenth slowly replied: "As nigh
| as can find out, Demccracy is contrariness;
but Democrat is a man who Is always
right"
Barnum gave the keeper of his elephant
81 900 when he learned that smother and
child were doing WE'LL, As the keeper is
not obliged to get out of bed at midnight to
dose the baby with paregoric to keep tquiet,
his position will be envied by fathers whose
income Is less than $500 ayear.-Norristor
Herald.
| A Western minister recently remarked
from his pulpit: "When a couple of agnos-
tics came and wanted me to stay and argue
with them on religious hypothesis I said
to one of them, in the words of the prophet,
abide ye here with the ass, while go yon-
der and worship"
Gus Singsadly was asked If he made any
calls New Year, and replied: " Yes, called
once on king full and collided with fours.
OF course blew in my last ceut, and Ishall
not be able to call again until next New
Year, unless the old man dies and leaves me
his sand."-Rochester Express.
I'm n tramp, and I'm happy to boot,
| Notwithstanding I've never ashoe;
I can live on the plainest of fruit,
/
Pm a tramp, but my mind is at rest,
And my heart it has never been boder,
When they don't give me ham and the best
Iput up with little cold shoulder.
Mr.. Lincoln was asked which of the two
programs for his Inauguration he preferred
Throwing one leg over the back of the chair
he told "story :" "When was practicine
law in Illinois, a client of mine, a peculiar
: sort of fellow, was brought before the cour'
and the judge asked him Do you swear ol
afirm?' mfr. Judge my client replied, :!
: don't care a curse which,"
Boys Composition on Doing the Menager
ie.-The rinozerus lives In Ashar, an 20,
kant stick pin in i'm, cause his weskit Il
built ov old stoves. When a rinozerus II
gonter be kid yu muz always go up to lin
, before, so ez he'll kno' somelhin' ov 1t, an
try an make place for built to git in
His nose is got upper teeth that's got NJ
!. bizness whar it IL, and if boy should 81
down on 1t, he better stay plugged up witt
: the tooth, rels he'll be all one pore. II
rather be polIiwog If / wuz rinozerus
tho s'pose If wuz wouldn't.
f THE COLLAR BUTTON.
4 Somehow you always seem too small
A To rightly fit the button-hele;
Opearly disk, you rack my soul
When down into my shoes you fall.
lose you twenty times week,
And find ysu when think you lost
When hunting you on morns Of frost,
II When eulogies of peace / speak.
q You wander coldly down my back,
# And DER the carpet nimbly stroll,
8 Then underneath the bureau roll,
q And settle in the furthest crack.
Puck
,s There is Justice of the Peace out
.. Crosby county. Week before last he foun
!. a man guilty of shooting bull that did M
10 belong to him, and fined him s75. "Wh.
,e Jedge," said the doomed man, 81 haven't @
W no SIS; can't pay no sich fine." "Tf
3 State of Texas put me in this Office to fin
,e out way to make men pay their fines. Yc
r, will cut cedar poles until you have CT
re enough to satisfy the majesty of the law" r
10 piled the Justice. "But, Jedge, what u
or has the State Of Texas got for cedar poles ?
at "The State of Texas hasn't got no use f
In cedar poles. It's this Court who needs the
or cedar poles to build fence. I'll take u
re poles and settle with the State of Texas f
ne them" And the poor devil is cutting ced
L. poles for the State Of Texas now.-Ter,
N siftings.
Id A new geography.-"O OF what is the su
i'd face of the earth composed?" "Of corn
ed lots, mighty psor roads, railroad tracks, bas
it ball grounds, cricket fields, and skatil
Id rinks." "What portion of the glsbe
or water?" "AboIt three-fourths; sometim
hs they add little gin and nutmeg to 1t
or "What Is tewn?n "a town Ii . conside
be able collection of houses and inhabitan
he with four or Eve men who srun the part,
IN and lend money at fifteen per cent. interest
as "What is a city2" "a city Is an incorpc
ne ated town, with Mayor, who believes th
ID the whole world shakes when he happens
er fall flat on cross-walk." "Name the d
.r, fe-ent races" "Horse race, boat race,
:" cycle race, and racing around to find mi
lis to endorse your note." "Into how mai
classes Is mankind divided?" aSix; bell
enlightened, civilized, half-civilized, savae
too utter, not worth cent, and Indi'
lip agents." "What nations are called eniigh
as ened?" "Those which have had the mo
e. wars and the worst laws and produced Il
~ worst criminals" "How many metiens h
al the earth?" "That's according to. how ye
.. mix your drinks and which way you |
IN home.n "What Is the earth's axis?" "Tl
I'd lines passing between New York and Oh
cage "Wnat causes day and night
aDay Is caused BY night getting tired ou
Night Is caused by everybody taking the sire
IN car and going home to snpper."-Detro
ii Free Press.
i. Odd, Isn't It7