Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-09-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

1T is not always tue IlpWSE ga tiS ASLn-
lily that furnishes the bread.
"DEAR mother" said a little boy,
- A cyclone in me grapples.
My child, she said. '''tis thus you pay
For stealing our green apples.
'Do THE subjects of the King OF Da-
honey keep Sunday ?" was asked of
missionary. eyes," lie replied, "and
everything else they can lay their hands
on. :"
PEOPLE who contended that titis was
a country of cranks have been powerful
" silent since the hanging of Guiteau.
So have the cranks. = Detroit Free
Press.
A YOUNG gentleman connected with
the English Foreign Office the other
day went to telegraph office and asked
TO see the original of telegram which
had arrived from Egypt.
No MATTER how handsome a young
woman may be, when tie right man
comes along she is ready to yield the
palm of beauty, if he has the sense to
ask for it.-BOstOn transcript.
HEAT the bread knife very hot when
cutting new bread. This will prevent
crumbling, and probably suggest some.
picks up the knife. .-SOnlerUille Journal.
THE husband lin horror)-Bill for
your new bathing-suit Fifteen hun
dred francs Wife (coaxingly)-But
just think for a minute, my love. It
looks little dear, but then think of the
saving-it won't have to be washed and
done up
''YEs," said the milkman, "he's fit to
go to the legislature. When he drove
customers out of S5 a day and divide
with me, and if he does as we'll by the
city, he'll be mighty valuable repre-
sentative"
No MORE touching compliment could
be paid than that of the child who had
overheard conversation at the table on
the qualities of wife. As he stopped
over to kiss his mother ne remarked:
Mamma, when 1 get big I'm going to
marry lady just 'zactly like you"
TAKING the human race as a whole,
says an exchange, it is observed that
races living almost exclusively on meat
have been the most savage ones. Moth
ing is so apt to transform human
being into a savage as to pay thirty
cents pound for roast and then find
it almost as tough as leather.
| LATEST FROM THE SEAT OF WAR.
l am dying, Egypt, dying, or at least ought
/ to be
| wish your biggest pyramid would settle down
] me:
I'm all broke up. indeed 1 am this business
doesn't pay,
/ And now I'm of I'm going west.
Yours. ARAB, ex-Bey.
THOMAS SCHoFIELD, aged ninety-one
years, walked nine miles to renew his
| subscription to New London paper.
It is the general impression among pub
fishers that there are number OF sub
scrlbers who are waiting until they are
ninety-one years old to come and pay
for their paper. -Danbury Netcs.
A SOCIETY drama was presented at the
| theatre at Salt Lake City recently, but
when in the third act the husband
began to rave and tear around because
his wife had run away with another
man, the audience with one accord rose
from their seats and exclaimed: 'The
idea OF making all this fuss about one
woman - and left the place in disgust.
AT a recent fire in Philadelphia a
| frightful disaster was prevented by each
fireman bringing out at the risk of his
life keg of powder of the many held IN
the storehouse yet no one OF them was
one-half the benefactor to his race that
the man is who destroys the circulation
of the pernicious literature which is
now undermining the morals of the ma
tion.
A CoLoRED driver of an express wagon
made all Cleveland laugh the other day
by rigging out his horse in pantaloons
in order to mitigate the scratches, OF
which the animal was a victim. The
colored man took the laughter very
philosophically. 'Larf on, chile" he
remarked; ''it doan lux good, but 1t
feels good to the animule. ."-Detro"
Free Press.
SAID the practical man: ''You can
talk all you want to about phrenology;
I think il is all stuff. The only I'M
portant bump ever found on my era
mum was here-right III the middle OF
my forehead-and it was made by base
ball bat I concluded to call it the
bump of ignorance-because l didn't
know enough to get out of the way, -
LO,0eU Citizen.
IT never rains but it pours. A New
port visitor, after long struggle, man
aged to get foothold in society, and all
OF sudden found that she had been in
vited to nine dinner parties, all on the
same evening. Utterly unable to de-
eide which to accept, she sat down and
had good cry over it, and that made
her eyes and nose so red that she was
ashamed to go to any.
"I WON'T sell you my vote nohow,
said old Slocuss to the man who had
come to "see" him. "Why not y "Fur
three reasons: Fust, | kin arm half q
dollar diggin taters in the time it would
take me 10 go an vote. Second, 1t
would cos 81 fer er team to go to the
poilin' place. Third, We on'y offer me
50, an t'other side has already gin me
So to stay away an not vote at all,
which brings up the finanshal reasons
on that side ter 81. 30.
IN the steam car the other day was a
bright little four-years-old lady. An
elderly gentleman, few seats back,
every time the little one turned around,
would shake his finger, or duck his
| loo5 ~, GEoI,,olr - or d0 some one OF the