The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-12-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

loves not wisely but too swell.
Dogs arc moro hardy than men. They
can 60 without thoir pants in Winter.
In spite Of protests the waltz still
holds its own. Love rules the whirlcd
The first big fish story--That of
Jonah.
Bugle trimmings are recommended
for windy day,
How are your asked a New Yorker.
"Bcns replied the Bostonian.
The first wall of despair" must have
been when Jonah was swallowed.
Tho man who travels under an alias
may boast that he has made name for
himself.
Nothing can now prevent the Indians
from breaking out. They have learned
how TO make buckwheat cakes,
A bonnet this season, in order TO be
OF any account, must have five contrast
ing colors to correspond with the chang.
ing colors on the face OF tho man who
foots the bill
She went into a shop to buy some tot
let soap, and while the shopman was
eXpatiatng on its merits about made
up her mind TO purchase, but when he
said it would keep off chaps she said
she didn't want that kind
The colored preacher who was shot
at Chattanooga, the other night, while
stealing potatoes had been irving to
live on salary of two dollars per week.
A preacher can't stand an empty
stomach any better than other folks,
First young MAXWELL, did you
make the acquaintance Of that strange
girl you were raving oyer?n Second
ditto-"Yes, followed her home" First
young ndn How did she strike you?'
Second ditto "Shc didn't al all she
got her biz brother to do it."
A well-proportoned woman should
have a body six times as long as her
feet. This, according to Detroit ac.
phltect who claims to know, was the
old Grecian rule, and, as no man can
out with tape-line and measure away,
the women are safe
A Philadelphia man who lost his left
thumb and foreiingev in a planning mill
has had very good substitutes for them
made Of rubber. There is fortune in
his misfortune. All ne need do to get
rich is to hire himself out to tack down
carpets,
Have you ever before been punished
by the law" asked an Austin Justice Of
a coored culprit, yes, | called man
a liar and had to pay a fine" lis
that the only time YOU have come in
conflict with the law?" Now dat yer
speaks oh hit, ledge beeycs was in
de pcnitentiary for ten yeahs il | disre.
member myself
Ii was election time, and little Glvun
heard much talk about men who were
running for Office, Ono day, his moth.
ar nouclng him run from one place to
another, asked, What are you PLAYING
now, Glynn?' He replied, "Oh, | am
not playing at all, am running for of
flee,
"Howdy, sam, how is you?n Mid.
lin, midlin, Jerry, how is it with vouo"
similarity; thank YOU Sam "simi-
larity dat is new word broke out in
our noighborhood dis morning, and it ia
ketching; everybody got it, Take dat
word similarity home and have her
stuffed
"Protoplasm,' remarked the profess
sor, us composed of carbonic acid, wa.
ter and ammonia, in which compound
the water largely prcdominocs 10
what conclusion does this lead?N The
pupil was boy, and not easily stag
gered. He answered; ut leads "a the
conclusion that dad never takes any
protoplasm in bis'n,"
A good and sufficient reason is what
every man ought to have for his con-
duct. If we cannot have quito that,
then let us have the next thing to it.
namely, reason which is perfectly sat.
isiactory to ourselves For instance,
Close up, boys; close up!' said II col.
onel to his regiment If the enemy
were to ire on YOU whom you arc stray.
Cling along that way. they wouldn't
kill single man of you Close up!'
A little Alabama girl, three years old,
on going to the window early one very
foggy morning cried out, ooh, como
hero and look, mammal The sky is all
crammed down to tho ground" Again
when watching the cook skin some
squirrels, hor mother called to know
what she was doing, she replied, II am
seeing cook peel these cats''
"I hope you will excuse my stupidity,
DOCTOR" said woman TO M Arkansas
physician whose professional skill had
beon visited on tho husband, and who
had called again to investigate the CON
dition of the patient, "but really
didn't think" "Your husband is
much better this morning, madam"
III say DOCTOR" continued tho confused
woman, THAT don't know how to OK.
cuse my stupidity. | gave him tho
wrong medicine"
A little girl came very near to her
mother ona morninU savino (Which