The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1882-08-03
A Stout woman's Errand.

| The other day stout woman, armed with
an umbrella, and leading small urchin, called
at the Office of New York boys story paper
"Is this the place where they fight Indians ?'
she inquired of the gentleman in charge as
this the locality where the brave boy charges
up the canyon and speeds bullet to the heart
OF the dusky red skin ?" and she jerked the
urchin around by the ear and brought her UNI
brela down on the desk.
ave publish stories for boys" replied the
young man evasivey.
II want to know if these are the premises
on which the daring lad springs upon his fiery
mustang and darting through the circle OF
thunderstruck savages, cuts the captive's
c lords and bears him away before the wonder
ing Indians have recovered from their aston
lshment. That is the information I'm after
l want to know if that thing is perpetrated
here !" and she swung the umbrella around
her head and launched crack at the young
mans head
81 don't remember those specific acts" pro-
tested the young man.
Il want to know if this is the precinct
where the adventurous boy jumps on the back
OF buffalo, and with unerring aim picks off
one by one of the bloodthirsty pursuers
who bite the dust at every crack of his
faithful rifllel I'm looking for the place where
this sort of thing happens !" At this time she
brought the unlucky young man a tremendous
whack across the back.
II think" commenced the lodging vic
tim.
I'm in search Of the shop in which the boy
agent holds the quiYering stage driver power
less with his glittering eye, while he RODS the
male passengers with an adroitness born of
long and tried experience, and kisses the
hands of the lady passengers with gallantrY
Of hQQripr that hQcnpakc nnna h,rtb nd
chiyalrous nature" she screamed, driving the
young man into corner. I'm looking for
the apartment in which the business is trans
acted" and down came the umbrella with
trip hammer force OF the young mans
head
Upon my soul, ma am p cried the wretched
youth.
81 want to be introduced to the jars in which
you keep the boy scouts of the Sierras! Show
me the bins full of the boy detectives of the
prairie Point out to me the barrel-ful of
boy pirates of the Spanish main !" and with
each demand she hit the young man upon the
sought safety in a neighboring canyon.
"pll teach 'em!" she painted, taking hold of
the urchin's ear and leading him off. I'm
teach him to make 1T good or dance. Want
to fight Indians any more? Want to stand
proudly upon the pinnacle of the mountain
and scatter the plain beneath with the bleed
ing bodies of uncounted slain? Want to say
hist /! in a tone that brooks no contradiction
Propose to spring upon the tatfrall, and with
q ringing word of command send a broadside
into the rich laden galley, and then mercifully
spare the beautiful lady in the cabln that she
may become your bride Eli! Going to do
it anymore?"
With each question she, hammered the
yelping urchin until his bones were sore, and
he protested his permanent abandonment of all
the glorles enumerated.
"Then come along" said she, taking him by |
the collar. "Let me catch you around with |
any more ramrods and carving knives, and |
you'll think the lcaping. curling, resstless
triumph across the plains and lodged in your
pantaloons to stay !'-Bi0oklyqa Eagle.