Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-12-14
December Dashes.

The vegetarian's dilemma: IF |
drink water they will SAY I'm using OK
ygen. If drink SOM thing stronger
they will accuse me Of taking a morn.
Must | perish from thirs,?'
Instance OF Observation-Disclosures An
absent minded woman III Kentucky
put corn plaster on letter and stuck
a postage stamp ON ner corn. The let
ter turned up dead" but the corn is
still alive.
Soft and heavy, you see: "Your faith
er tells me, Tom, that you are taking
sof; courses this year. What are they? ,
"Well, you q, mother, IFS term Dor
rowed from the turf. A soft course is
a heavy course, and heavy course Is
hard course. Seer"
Let concealment like worm in the
bud, etc: "Y es, he said, "that setter
dog of mine is very smart and does
lots of cute things. But never tell o I
them, never. You see, no matter how
closely stuck 10 the truth, folks would
think | he'd.
A distinguished mark: A well-knoNn
member OF the Governors Council, at
a late public dinner, overheard one of
the colored attendants ask OF another:
"Whe's dat gemmen, SamY' And
Sam responded: Oats Purfessor F."
Then the other querried; "How did
you know he was professor To
which Sam replied with dignity. "Oh,
all desc yer professors IS polished OIL
on top"
Why Saul threw his javelin. An old
Scotch lady from the country WAS WIS
iting some friends in the city recently,
and went with them TO ohruch. After
returning from service she expressed
her dislike to the mnslc and especially
to an anthem. why, that is II very
old anthem; David sang 1t to Saul"
said her host. "Weel, weel, ] nso for
the first time understan' why Saul
threw his javlin al David when the lad
sang for hlm," was the old lady's reply.
No time to lose: Every time |
have seen you lately you have been III
IN Intoxicated condition. You seem
to have become quite dissipated. "No,
it's not that; but ave got some disease
of the kidneys that Pm gong to see a
doctor about, as soon as he returns to
Austin from the North" "'Vhat has
that got to do with your being intoXi-
Gated? "Well, you see the doctor is
going to forbid me drinking anything
Strong, and he is expected to return
every day, have no true 10 lose.'
A lucky man: "Nothing exasper-
| ates me 80 much as to hold lottery
ticket and find that the very next
number to it has won a prize" remark
ed Pete Freer to Harry Andrews. II
came closer than that to winning the
big prize in the Louisiana Lottery"
'How was that possible?" well, you
see, there was 4 rattle here in Austin
for clock and | threw the Identical
same number that drew the big prize
in the Louisiana Lottery" odd you
win the clock?" "No; how much good
luck do you suppose man can have
all at once2"
Ais we'll that ends well: 81 wish
was the trapper and was tied to the
stake, going to burned alive by the In
dians, taiu Johnny Fjzzletop, who VA
reading dime novel on the sofa
"Why do you wish to be in such hor
ribe predictment?" said his mother
Because, in the last chapter, the trap
per scslps Jeewhilikins jim, the Jump
ing Jacksss OF Juniper Jungle, and HE
Indian allies, and carries off White
Fawn, the lovely maiden, in triumph
to his mountain fastness." 81 think
there Is too much fsstnees, anyhow
about the boys of Austin" remarked
his mother, thoughtfully.