Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
The worst kind of forgery is false
notes by singer.-Free Press.
Josh Billings says: Next to a
clear conscience, for solid comfort
comes an old SHOE"
1t is the rich oyster dealer who
knows how to shell out.-New York
Commercial Advertiser.
Any good looking lass is perfect
ly happy when left to her own reAec-
tions.-New York News.
What is the characteristic of
watch2 Modesty, for it keeps its
hands before its face and runs down
its own works.-Free Press.
AS a rule, the men who have been
driven crazy by misfortune did not
have far to go.-New Orleans Picay-
une.
A boy says in his composition that
onions are the vegetables that make
you sick if you don't eat them your
self."-Ex.
A woman whose husband is always
singing Sankey's hymns has named
their baby Fort, so that he will want
to hold it.-Ex.
The Popular Science Monthly asks :
"What are crowds ?" The science of
love says the third party is large
crowd.-New Haven Register.
A woman was offered 81 900 if she
would remain silent for two hours.
At the end Of fifteen minutes she ask
ed, "1sn't the time nearly up?" and
thus lost.-Ex.
A Chicago policeman shot eleven
times at a burglar and each time
missed. He made the serious mistake
Of aiming at the fellow.-Free Press.
When you are successful look out
for the arrows of envy. "Stones and
sticks are flung only at fruit bearing
trees" said Persian philosopher
New York News.
When Fogg heard that cigars were
largely made by machinery, he said
he had noticed stationary Indian in
front of nearly all the cigar shops
Boston Transcript.
At public banquet the lion of the
evening is usually received with three
cheers and tiger. This shows that
he stands hyena crowd of giraffes.
New York News.
"Pa, what is an employment agent? ?"
"Why, my son, he is a man who is
very anxious to get work for others
to do. He himself doesn't want any,"
Louisville Courier-Journal.
81 give you my word that I'm speak
ing the TRUTH" said man to his
wife. "Of course, you give me your
word," she retorted bitterly, "be-
cause no one else will take it."-Ex.
Ball dresses will come quite low
this season.-London Queen. Don't
60 of, now, and order half dozen
the above statement does not refer to
price.-Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Why is it that little country like
France is in proportion to resources
so much richer than America ?-Ex.
Guess it must be because Frenchmen
sell American women bonnets.-
Brooklyn Star.
at was terribly oppressive at the
theater last night" said Brown, "it
was so hot that the blood all rushed
to my head" "Well, it found plenty
of room there didn't it?" replied the
unsympathetic Fogg."
"Pokes will be more in vogue this
fall than ever BEFORE" remarks
fashion exchange. We suppose this
refers to the woman who pokes her
nose into the business of other people.
Oil City Blizzard.
|
"Just look at that horrible mud out
there" she lisped. "Well, that's the
proper place for it, is it not? Where
would you have it, on your boots or
down your neck?" Another fellow
pays for her caramels now.-Ex.
Faith" he wrote home Gamer
lea is the friend of the Oirish. Be-
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