Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-07-14
OR KALEIDOSCOPE,

tHty
On the hatefullest red-hcaJcd girl in the town.
For cats must eat and servants must beat,
And there's little but milk when there fails 10 he
neat,
And the larier shelves are groaning.
Three iomcatS crawlcd out on the woodhonse roof,
On the woodhouse roof where the moon aiose
And they sang feline opera bounc
To drown the song Of the good cooks nose
FOR servants must snorc, and cats encore
And there's little to say on either score,
But to groan and pray for morning
Three shoes sailed out on the midnight air,
On the midnight air that the felines sang,
And corses three, with bloody hair
Rolled over the caves to the ground, ker-whang,
For leather must lily, and cats must die.
Ana there's no use asking the reason why
When the horrible beasts are yowling.
Thus Senator Vance telegraphed the dual
advent to the Baton Rouge idrocate
Hip hip hurrah for this age of progress,
railroads, telephones, electric lights and
twin babies ! am doing as well as could
be expected under the circumstances"
1t was only a little while ago that the
Queen was graciously pleased to grant Mr..
Bartlett cher royal authority and license to
call himself William Lehman. Ashmead- Bur
dett- Coutts-B Bartlett Coutts :" but now ap-
pears notification that he is to be known
as william Lehman shmead-Bart
Burdett-Cout,s only" Unless he Coutts off
some of his name his visiting cards must be
bigger than circus poster.
The London papers, hearing of conyen-
ton of twenty thousand Dunkards out West,
concluded it was meeting of hardened in
ebriates.
The Philadelphia Press says that the aver
age American hotel table is a terror. Just
wait until you have tried a hotel bed once
Detroit Free Press. The idea is, We sup
pose, that that will make his terra flrma.
The 'oldest maid" in New Hampshire is
dead, at the ripe age Of lO4, And in Heaven
there is neither marrying nor giving in mar
riage. Poor girl
Hens eggs 1900 years old have been found
at st. Elio, France. We leave it to some
one else to yolk pm on this fact.
A united Irish race. Four IIbernians,
tied together in pairs, had footrace at
Pittsburgh last 4th of Jnly,
President Grevys wife was, some years be.
fore he married her. employed by him as a
cook and laundress. She ought to make
good gravy, then.
Gen. Stoneman, upon receiving the nomi.
nation for Governor in the California Demo-
| 20 n nnp 10 n
ing over the other Democrats who wanted to
head the ticket Stoneman will probably
get chiselled out of an election, all the
same.
A lady who was preparing bathing suits
for trip east for the Summer wrote to an
eastern fashion paper to know what the style
of bathing suits would be for children, say
from five to six years old. She received a
reply that this year the bathing suits for
boys were very simple, consisting of q wad
Of cotton in each ear. The lady will add to
this suit a red yarn string around her boys
neck and let him loose. -Micaukee Sun
The Emperors of Germany aud Austria
will have their annual meeting about the
middle of this MONTH Their remarks on
such occasions are similar to the historic con-
versations between the governors OF North
and South Carolina, -Boston Adrertiser.
A little girl was promised by her grand
mother her gold watch when she should die.
The child appreciated the delicacy of the
situation but after some hints her grand
mother was prevailed upon to show her the
watch 81 wonder" said the little one to
her mother, as they were leaving the grand
mothers house, 'if shall get the watch in
time to wear it at the funeral
A news item says that the best female cir
Gus rider in Russia is Dounedretsky who
turns double somersault through hoop,
and carries her name, which is painted in
the centre, along with her." To turn
double somersault through a hoop may not
be a very remarkable feat, but to get her
name through, without knocking oil some of
its corners, is certainly an astonishing per-
formance. -Norrist0on Herald.
Tradespeope's Trials. Lady customer
"What are the Strawberries to-day Z" Trades
man (who thinks be has grand order)-
| 1.-TWO shillings a basket, madam Lady
customer - And what are the beans y
Tradesman - Three-aud-sX the bundle,
madam" Lady customer-"Well, ahem |
like parsley, when it's fresh; so you can
send bit every day, and when it comes to
pennyworth just put it down 10 me-" Tab
leau. London Judy.
Father" he suddenly remarked as he
awful good to ma" "AmI? Well, hope
1 treat her as a husband should devoted
wife, ''And it's all over town how liberal
| you are to her." "How; what do YOU
meanI" "Why, heard three or four men
on the car say that all YOU had in the world
was in her name." es-ahem-yes-you
get to bed, sir and next time you hear peo-
pie lying about me don't listen 10 what they
say ~ Wall Street Ne,os.
A small boy wants to know if on the 10Th
of the month they are going to celebrate
the half of July-he says the fourth was
failure. Philadelphia Bulletin.
Fond wfe-"How strange! Every time
Peter comes home from his lodge he comes
to bed with his hat on. But suppose 1t is
some more of those Masonic dongs. Tile
Judge.
They don't have rains out West. A cloud
just saunters up and examins town and
then collapses right over it. Nobody escapes
but the newspaper reporters and the book
agent.-Atlanta Constitution.
Bring up a plant in the way it should
grow. Young mistress-"l think those
flowers in the greenhouse would be oil the
better for some water they look quite dried
up !"Gardener-"Wel,f for my part, don't
old with giving 'em lot OF water; ifyou uses
em to it, they come to look for it. It's 'abit,
miss merely 'abit. "-London J,idy.
An old story in new form is going the
grand rounds and tells about young man at
table d'hote at one of the rural hotels where
lady walters" are employed, lie wanted a
beverage with his roast aud summoned tho
maiden, to whom he said, "Have you any
porter ?" Yes" SAID she, 1--WE have three
or four, but they are all colored." Where
ignorance is bliss, it is the height oil absurdi-
ty to be intelligent -H0tR Max.
Seine traits run in families, Shakspere's
father, being illiterate, made his mark, So
did Shakespeare. Texas Sgtinss