The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1882-01-12
A Pzg gzS EN'E' FOE q LADY.
RsiaEacua1sy iaa ra:akEasg q Proper
seaeec 4iOBas

Selec1f0ms
'tSaY, my dear said ATr Spoopendyke,
as he finished reading a letter he ltad just
received, envy brother. out West, wants
me TO buy Il razor str0p and q suitable
present for a young lady, and send it TO
IIim.1
81 didn't know that razor strop was Il
suitable present for u young lady, replied
Mrs. Spoopeudyke, who was busy mixing
cafiip tea and caught the remark imper-
fectly.
Ill would be a suitable present for some
married women, if iG would sharpen 'em
up any, retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. ."Who
said anything about a razor strop and a
young lady? What observed was that my
| brother out West wants me to send him q,
razor strop and 4 suitable present for a
young lady. No, / can get strop, but
don't understand what kind Of q present
he wants.
''Let me see, unused Mis- spoopendyke,
her shopping instincts rising to the SUR
face. tDoes he say what kind Of a young
lady she is?''
mo, he DOESN'T" roaretl Mr. Spoopen-
Idyke. ssHe leaves something to the imag-
ination OF the reader. | suppose she's got
arms and legs, 'cause If she hadn't he
would probably have mentioned it. What
he wants is a present for an average won-
an; now, what can we get for her?'' -
IF knew whether she was q blonde or
brunette, could tell better what she
Wouid lil1e,' replied Mrs. Spoopendyke,
Who, like the resJof her. sex, always asso-
11s.iefed q woman with tie color that be
comes her head. ''E3o you suppose he.
means something for her to wear, or some
ornament for E.er house? You see | don't
KNOW whether she keeps house or boards
or lives ut Il0me,n
''WIat difference Goes that make?' de-
manded ar. Spoopendyke. She's prob
ably a human being, but we'll suppose she
roosts III Il tree. Does that help you any |?
Can you think Of something useful for a
female wllolives in a tree and hops with
iight-hearted ships from bougI to bougIl
like croW?'
You might get her a toilet set,'' sug-
gesteA Mrs ,spoopenlyke, taking refuge in
a woman's idea of All appropriate present
for another woman.
''She don'h vanta toilet set, !" snorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke, ''ary more'n she wants
tile chekrn-po1. Won want to think OF
something thag is pretty and at the same
time that she can. use. Now think!.'
"uoW would one of the new painted
porcelain flower pors du?'z ventureu Mrs.
Spoopendyke
That's il!'' I1owled Alr. Spoopendyke,
u, flower pct with a san eE under it to
plant ,!la tree IN when it t2irns cold! That
your j.Iea? One with broken legged buds
painted on the outside anil a hole in tbs,
bottom, SO she can Use it in the spring for
a Spy-Slass! lstal's the idea! 4 four-tlo-
lar flower. pot fnra "a six-cent roSebtlsli= with
The blind stagget.S and touch Of the pip!
Where's tie pot? Fetch forth the hiyll.
seasoned flower ppL..' aud Mr.. spoopel-
dyke leaned back iii his chair and glareel
at Ills wife.
''I'lIfell you what will 10. my. dear. .
said MR.. spoopendyke, approaching The
next suggestion cautiously. .sWhy moi
send an aibnm 20
',You m AN one Of those books for a lol
of idiots to wish they We're dead IN z" ask
ed Mr. spoopendykp, suspicously.
NO." replied Mrs. spoopendyke, "s
photograph album y
s.Don't want it, shifted Mr.. spoopen-
dyke c0ntemptuously. s.You mean thai
sort Of thing gsth;tt a girl always brings out
after tea and says: That's una and that
.pa, and that's Aunt VIlland ller=Iittle boy.
and that's Uncle ST, and that's Aunt FI,.
and that's Uncle Jesse, and that's my
niece Nellie, amt she. sweet? And that
"a dog We used to own, and don't know
who that is, and tlla1'sGlara Norris Don's
want it, And Mr.. spoopendylSe' s voice
rose TO a steam whistle pitch. pose I'm
going TO infiict a suffering public with u
bookflil Of old stagers that all look aik,
aud have been in every album since Adam
began TO wear pantaIoons? Gan,tye think
=of something sensible2''
Wouldn't half 4 dozen forks be nice p.
faltefed Mrs. spoopend5ke, almost at her
t.i.3s ana