San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1882-06-15
A RAILROAD PASS.
A Model Application from the Rsnl rdiio

Model Application from the RurAl Editor.
The philanthropic and artful editor
OF the boomerang, Bill Nye. is now
preparing letter writer which he evil
IDENTIFY means shall DO OF practical ben
iii 10 his journalistic brethren. He
SAYS: Oar first letter will be the form
that should be used in addressing a
soulless corporation relative 10 a pass:
OFFICE OF FREEDMAS's BUaLE HORN
WAHoo, NEB., February %. lSS2.-To
Hon. j. q, A. Gall, General Passenger
and Ticket Agent, j. /. Nj. @. II. o. w.
II. II. Chicago, H.; i have addressed
you ut this moment for the purpose OF
ascertaining your mental convictions
relative to an annual PASS over your vo-
luptuous line. 1t will occur to you in
stslntly that with the enormous power
in my hands, something should be done
at once to muzzle me. The Bugle
Horn stands upon the pinnacle of pure
aud untarnished independence. Her
clarion notes are ever heard above the
din of war in favor Of the poor, the OPP
pressed and down trodden. Still it is
my sole duty to foster and encourage a
few poor and deserving monopolies. 1
have already taken your road, and so to
speak, placed it upon its feet. Time
and again have closed my eyes to I'M
pleasant facts relative to your lines, be-
cause / did not wish to crush young
and growing industry. Last fall you
had q washout down in Jimtown which
was criminally inexcusable in its char
acter, but passed silently over the oc-
currence in order that you might re-
deem yourself. One Of your conduct
ors, an overgrown, bald headed pelican
from Laramie, q man OF no literary abil-
ity, who could not write poem to save
his measly, polluted soul from perdi-
ton, once started the train out at Wa
hoo when / was within one quarter of
mile of the depot, and left me gazing
thoughtfully down the track with 100
pound trunk to carry back home with
me. Another time, when my pass and
pocket had expired about the same mo-
ment, and 1 undertook to tlavel on my
voluptuous shape, red headed conduc-
tor, whose soul has never walked upon
the sunlit hills of potent genius, caught
me by the bosom Of my pants and fore
ibly elected me from the train when it
was in motion, and with such vigor and
enthusiasm that 1 rolled down an en-
bankment 100 feet with frightful rapid
ity and loss of life. A large bottle Of
tansey and sweet-spirit-hear. my. prayer
which had concealed about my person
to keep off malaria and mathematics,
was frightfully crushed and segregated.
Besides all this, my feelings were hurt
and outraged, and so was the portion of
nv pantatoons. 1 hushed these mat
tiers up. I kept them out of the papers
so far as possible, in order that your
soulless corporation might have new
lease of life. I now ask you whether in
view of this you will or will not stand
in the pathway of your company's sue.
cess. Will you refuse me pass and
call down upon yourself the avalanche
of nv burning wrath, or will you give
me an annual, and open up such an era
of prosperity for the J. !. M. @. II. o.
W. railroad as it never before knew? ?
Do Won want the aid and encourage
ment of the Bugle Horn and success,
or do you want it's opposition and Q
pauper's grave beneath the blue eyed
Johnny jump-ups in the valley Ii
you should inclose the pass, 1 would be
very grateful to you for any little sug'
gestions during the year as to what my
fearless and outspoken opinion should
be relative to your company. Hoping
to hear from you favorably in the con
tiguous ultimately, I beg leave to wish
you very pleasant bon udUa1at,
Very sincerely yours,
EPHRAIM BATES,
1TzIIo. 90 D,,1lio Gan him an T.