The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-02-08
A PRIMER FOR BOYS.
Eugene Field In Denver Tribune

Euxene Field In Denver Tribune.
1t is a Pipe? Yes, it is Papa's Pipe and
Has not been Cleaned out for Four months.
It is full of Ashes and Spit. It would not
Hurt the Pipe if you were to Take several
good long Sucks at it.
Mammals Tooth Brush is on the Bureau.
Suppose we scrub out the Stop Pail with it.
Then Mamma will wonder what she has
Eaten to give her such a Bad Breath. She
will Think the Tooth Brush has been Sitting
up with q corpse.
This is a Lamp. It is full of Nice Yellow
Oil. Can you Light the Lamp? If there is
Too much Oil pour Some of it in the Stove.
Mamma will not Miss the Oil if you Pour it
in the Stove, but she May miss you. A little
Oil on the Carpet is not a Bad thing for the
Carpet and You.
Do not Make q Noise or you will Wake
the Policeman. He is sitting on the Door
Step asleep. 1t is very Hard on him to Have
to Sleep out of Doors these Cold Nights.
There is a Bank being Robbed around the
Corner and a Woman is being Killed in the
next Block. If the Policeman Walked up,
he might Find it out and Arrest somebody.
Some people Believe this is what Policemen
Fnr hnk <ha p,1:oo~,ac IL ~,% TL;ol1 -
This strange looking creature is a Billy
Goat. He has a beard on him that looks
like Papa's, and he is a Stronger Butter than
Goat doing? He is Eating an Oyster Can.
If you Were to go up and Pull the Billy
Goats beard you Would feel Something
Drop. And it would not be the Billy Goat
Either.
What is This we See? It is a razor, and
Papa uses it Every Morning to make his
Neck sore. 1t looks Pretty Sharp. Draw
it across your Fingers and Make it Dull.
You could Cut your name on the Mantel
Piece with the Razor if you Were to Try.
A Razor is a Handy Thing to have in a
House where there are Corns and Piano
Legs to Carve. 1t is also Just the Thing to
Cut off the Kittens Tail with.
VII.
This Akward sheet is our Esteemed Con-
temporary. 1t is run by an Unhung Felon.
We would not Give him a Glass of Water to
Save his Life, but We would Take a Beer
with him if we were Properly Approached.
Our esteemed Contemporary has no Circula-
ton and its Influence is Correspondingly
Small. 1t cuts Advertising Rates and is so
Mean it would Skin a Skunk to save u Scent.
If we had Our Way. we would Suspend our
Esteemed Contemporary and Put its Editors
and Reporters in Jail where they Belong.
Here we Have an Album. 1t is full of Pic
lures for little children with Dirty Fingers to
Look at. Here are Two Pictures of Papa.
This is one Of Him before he was Married to
Mamma. He looks like q Two-year-old
Colt behind a Band of Music. Here is q
Picture Of Papa after he Married Mamma.
Now he Looks like a Government Mule haul
ing a Load of Pig Iron. See if you Can put
your finger on the Noses and the Eyes and
the Mouth of Each Picture. Turn down q
Leaf when you come to a pretty Picture you
like. The baby is Eating Bread and Molas-
SEES. Let him take the Album and Look at
tho p;nfurno fn0
Here we have q Business Manager of an
Evening Paper. He is Blowing About the
Circulation of the paper. He is Saying the
Paper has entered upon an Era of Unpre-
cedented Prosperity. In a Minute he will
Go Up stairs and Glide the Editor for leav-
ing his Gas Burning while he Went out for
q Drink. Little Children, if we Believed
Business Managers of Evening Papers went
to Heaven we would Give up our Pew in
Church.
Has the Printer Tobacco2 He has, but
he will not Tell you SO. He carries it in the
Leg Of his Boot, and when he wants q Chew
he sIeaks down in the Back Alley where