The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-09-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

The smaller the fish the bigger
the lie.
One good turn takes the starch
out Of collar.
Where there's will..there's apt to
be contest.
10 not ride until you are ready or
you may fall of.
Many people think Ananias was
an amateur fisherman.
No watermelon was ever too large
for one darkey to tackle.
A Canada farmer who was called
upon for speech tainted away.
He that INDUCES in ronnd OF dis
sipation has a big account to square.
We all think good things, but to
do them, ali that is very different
thing.
The folly Of others is ever most
| ridiculous to those who are them
selves most foolish.
Kansas newspapers are said to be
reaping rich harvest announcing
candidates at rs. a head.
No heightened, well educated dog
will poke his nose In garbage bar
rel, unless there's bone In it.
Oscar Wilde has been taken foran
Indian herb doctor 100 times in the
last three months. e
Hypocrisy is shaking hands with
your neighbour, and then, when his
hack is turned, kicking his deg in
the ribs. Sass
A clergyman says the circus Is tho
gateway to hades. Some one Ind
evidently been throwing suwdust in
his eyes. Na
Sitting Bulls whisky ration OF
pint per day is just enough to tickle
his throat. He can drink two quarts
and not stutter.
Religion has been defined as the
little boy defined salt. at makes
things taste bad" he said "whcn you
don't use it"
Carlyle said that trifles were the
hinges of destiny. This was one OF
the things the old man said that
was not insulting.
| One reason why you don't SEQ
more bald heads may be found in
the fact that there are $4,000 wigs
being worn in this country daily.
There is an old proverb about
tree that is just as applicable to men:
when a tree Is fallen every one go
eth to It with HE Ratchet"
A man at an Ann Arbor hotel who
owed $40. for board, died of heart
disease while the landlord was gone
after warrant for his arrest.
Louis Roeenburg, after his acquit-
tai Of the charge Of murder at Vicks-
burg, was notified to leave the city
by the indignant populace. He left.
The clergymen Of Lampass supply
the prisoners with manuscript ser
mons to read during their leisure
hours, Fbe way Of the transgressor
is hard, very hard. ssx
A little boy accosted his papa,
thus :sa"Papa are you growing still?"
mo dear; what makes you think sop
Because the top Of your head is
coming through your hair" d
II wish you would pay a little at
tcntion to what l am saying, sirw
roared lawyer 1t an exaspcrating
witness. Il am paying as little as
can" was the calm reply.
A man was arrested and fined for
kneeling and praying aloud in the
streets Of Wichita, Kansas, and tho
Times declares he could have stood
up and sworn with impunity. 1
A hat Irritation is the latest idiocy
among the girls. There is no way
that a man can wear hat that
doesn't moan something, and the
only way you're safe is to go bare
headed.
A negro congregation Of Austin,
Texas, thought their pastor had in
mind their color wheE he frequently
spoke OF 1.-THE powers Of darkness
and requested him to stop such talk
or resign.
General Sherman says our small
army is very efficient BY this "a
mark he means that it only requires
two priyates and corporal To un-
dress an intoxicated Colonel and put
him to bed with his boots of.
When man says he is a misera-
bic sinner, il you take him at his
word and tell him vou AGREE with