The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-01-12
CROOKED WAYS.

and women too, for that matter-I was
once badly afflicted with cacoethes scrib-
eudi. OF course greater evils might
have befallen me; might have been
seized with passion for whisky or
gambling; but, still, my cacoethes serb.
enhi was serious enough. During my
college days the symptoms showed them
selves plainly; but the malady did not
really assume its true and awful proper
tions until had taken my degree. Then
forsooth, it fastened upon me like q
leech and before many months it over
mastered me completely. In accordance
with my mothers wish, went to Dun.
das, ostensibly to read law with my
uncle, but it was mere pretence of law
reading, for the mornings that 1 ought
to have spent over Blackstone were de-
voted to the composition of novel and
the afternoons to the polishing of some
poems. Uncle Dick shook his head
gravely and demonstrated, sometimes in
sadness and sometimes in anger.
''That scribbling will never amount to
anything" he would say contemptuously.
This was hard to bear; but my lofty as
pirations sustained me, and, firm in my
belief of ultimate success, scribbled on
and ever, and bombarded all the maya
zines in the country with my manu-
scripts. The magazines did not open
their columns to me, and fell back at
last upon the weekly newspapers, and
especially upon the Boston Weekly Pal
ladium. That journal printed my essays
&pd q certain assistant editor, whose
initials were "F. B. s." sent me polite
notes from time to time. 1t was some
thing to see my productions in print; it
would have been more had these pro-
auctions once in a while brought q
check. But they never did; they elected
only polite notes from +. b. S. Finally
/ wrote letter to the assistant editor
upon the subject, and by return post l
received a reply. 1t was sent to my pri-
yate box at the post-office, but, to my
great amusement was directed to Jane
Bell" instead of John" My handwrit-
ing was not very distinct, and perhaps
trife femenine, and the signature, upon
which 1 rather prided myself, certainly
left it an open question whether John
or Jane were meant. The note, too, be-
gam
''MIss BELL,-In reply to your ques-
ton, 1 would say that this journal pays
its regular corps of writers. We are
glad to receive your articles, and per-
haps later may make adequate compensa-
ton therefor; but, as o young writer, 1t
would be wiser for you to think at pres
ent only of securing foothold. You
have an excellent chance of success in
che end; but much patience is necessary
1t the outset.
''Please say whether I shall direct flu
ture communications to John Bell, Miss
Bell, or Mrs. Bell. At present do not
venture to give you any title.
Every truly yours.
yThis letter at once amused and piqued
me. It was pleasant and rather encour-
aging, but it was plain the writer set me
down as an impecunious young woman,
whereas the truth was, had very fair
income of my own, and was six-foot,
mustached specimen of masculinity. The
idea Of playing the role of Miss Jane
Bell picqled my fancy, and therefore,
giving my imagination full rein, upon
the spur of the moment / sat down and
wrote as follows:
"F. B. ScREvEN-At present am also
in quandary, for l do not know wheth-
er / ought to address you as Madame,
Monster or Mademojselle. The last title
is mine Just now, although of course I
feel at liberty to change it when 1
choose, or rather when the proper op-
portunity offers itself. Perhaps matri-
mony would be moro profitable specu-
lation than literature. Do not, however,
suppose that am dependent upon my
pen for my bread and butter. In this
case, / fear, the butter would be very
thin indeed. No; the fates have given
me most Of the Injuries Of life; but these
do not satisfy me, of course. The
reason why ] wrote as did about pay
ment for my articles was simply because
/ thought il they were good enough to
print they were good enough to be paid
for. It seems I was mistaken ; but, to
show you that take your advice, send
You another essay. 1 will at least try to
secure foothold. and pray creator sue
t1pss may follow.
III am, dear Madame, Monsieur, or
rfAdemoiselle Screven,
~ Sincerely yours.
1 "JANE BELL"
Laughing in my sleeve, sent this
Ammpnicsaion of. and planned that If
IN assisApt editor sent me frieadly
reply, i would open correspondence in
ny role Of Miss Jane Bell and fool F.
B. Screven - never man was fooled be-
fore. Judge, then. Of my dismay when
/ received letter in what knew was
8creven's writing, but not written on