The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-08-18

II is all very well for healthy journals
TO tell people who are restless and una
BILE to sleep at night to place the head
OF their bed toward the north, but it
does no good unless you take the baby
TO the other end Of the house and place
his head towards the south.
II think said a fond parent" that
little Jimmy is going to be poet when
he grows up, He doesn't eat, and sits
all day by the stove and thinks, and
thinks" You had better grease him all
over, He is going to have the measles.
That's what ails Jimmy,
The composer Ilellmsberger, of Wen
ma, once noticed a well-knOwn dramat-
ic author laughing during one Of his
performances, After the concert he
met him and asked; "Why did you
laugh while | played? Did you ever see
me laugh at your comedies?'
Old Slobson was raking in the front
yard yesterday, when he noticed boy
gazing through the picket fence in
most earnest manner What are you
doing?' asked the old man, Watch
ing the Rake's Progress" replied the
boy, as he lodged Just in time.
lncautious use OF slang: She decorat-
ed her room with bric-a-brac and pic
lures, and perchcd her husbands photo
on the topmost nail. Then she sat down
to admire her work. and bissfully re-
marked: Now, everything is lovely,
and the goose hangs high"
A GROWERS luck; This is Just my
luck" said the gloomy man at the thea
ter Here's performance going that's
so bad it's agOnizing to witness, and it's
the first time in six months that !
haven had woman with a bath-mb
hat in front of me when I've been TO
the theater?n
A schoolmistreSs, while taking down
the names and ages Of her pupils. and
Of their parents, ut the beginning Of the
term, asked one little fellow. Whats
your fathers name?' "Oh, youneedn't
take down his name; he's too old to 90
TO school TO a woman,' was the limo
cent reply.
- hiIlN NV u am dshtu a lIdNtltT
at the Grand Central Depot OF a loun-
ger: 81 don't know" was the reply. II
see it's got the name of some railroad
company on the side, and expect it be-
longs to them, Have YOU lost train
anywhereP'
An Illinois girl lately called at cor
oner's Office and, addressing the soil
tary occupant Of the apartment, said.
BE You the coroner" Il guess you'd
think so if you ever see an undertaken
shake hands with me- blandly an
swered the official "lou amt going
away nowheres for day or two, be
you?' "Not that | know "Well. I'm
glad to hear it., continued the maiden
with an air Of much encouragement.
johnny Bowles have been keepin'
company with me since Christmas, but
hear that he's going to take another
girl to the circus tonight and if he does
I'll swallow pison.'
The Silver City, n, NJ, Watch Dog is
the smallest of all small newspapers ev-
er laid before US, Although II has just
made its first bow wow to the public,
and is therefore entitled to the endear-
ing application Of shall we say babe"
or "pupY'-it is strong enough to stand
straight uponits LEGS and speak plainly,
which it does after this fashion on the
Indian question: And so the farce
goes on. Official patronage sends some
wire-pulling Demas down to doctor the
poor Indian; he sees chance Of some
lucre by drawing rations for 500 and
feeding 200; the desire to make grows
upon him; presently Mr. Lo gets tired
of taking his walks abroad perhaps he
has not had his usual luck in taking
spoil. II then happens that Mr.. Agent
has only 500 ratons to feed 500 Indians;
per centage falls short; cut down the
ratons a little more-still little more;
red man gets hungry gets wollish; gets
bloodthirSty; gets blood; soldier gets In
dian; glory; officer gets promotion; pa
per gets news-sp ecial-eXtra; editor
plumes himself; gone to the front
P-o-o-h,it stnks. The Suggestivenam
of the editors of the Watch Dog are
Doright and Fearnot. Bark loudly, gen
tlemen,