Connecticut western news., 1882-07-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

loaf of bread is mother to asteam-engine.
 THE correspondent of the New York Herald states that there are not more than fifty Americans in all Egypt. This is highly creditable to the intelligence of the American people.-BoSton Post.
 "D1DN'T you tell me, sir, you could hold the plow?" said a farmer to an Irishman whom he had taken on trial. "Arrah, be aisy now," said Pat; chow the deuce can hould it and two horses drawing it away from meP But give 1t to me into the barn, and be iabers I'll hould it with anybody"
 THE full term of three years had nearly expired, and they were discussing at the breakfast table the certainty that they must move and the uncertainty as to where, when the young miss of the parsonage drew 8 heavy sigh. "Oh, was thinking what mistake mother and I made when we married Metho- dist minister"
 A DEBTOR who was sued by his cred itor acknowledged that he had borrowed the money, but declared that the plain tiff knew at the time that it was Kath- leen Mavourneen loan. "A Kathleen Mavourneen loan," repeated the court with puzzled look. "That's it, Judges one of the it may be for years and it may be forever sort. ."-BrookIyn Eagle.
 A NEW YORK Judge has ruled that if a marriage does not take place within year after the proposal, the engagement is not obligatory. A wise decision. One year is long enough to burn the old mans coal and gas after popping" The Judge evidently has 8 couple of "engaged daughters. - Norristo,c', Herald.
 THE practitioners of clergyman in Scotland, in expressing to him their aver sion to the use of manuscript ser- mons, asked, "What gars ye take up your bit papers to the pulpitp" He re- piled that 1t was best, for really he could not remember sermon, and must have his paper. ":Weel, weel, minister" they retaliated, Eff ye canna remember the sermon, then dinna expect that we can."
 A MINISTER was travelling along 6 country road one day in winter, riding rather long, lean horse, and he him. self dressed in rather an odd-looking cap and large camlet cloak, when gen. tleman came along, riding a fine horse, which scared at the preacher and his horse, "Well, sir" said the gentleman, Eye wud scare the vera deel, sir.
 aThat's my business. sir," said the preacher. :.
 A SYRIAN convert to Christianity was urged by his employer to work on Sun day, but he declined. "But," said the master. "does not your Bible say that, if man has an ass or an OK that falls into pit on the Sabbath day, he may pull him out ?" ''Yes :" answered the convert "but If the ass has habit of falling into the same pit every Sabbath day, then the man sho uld either i'll up the pit or sell the ass.
 SAMPLE conversation between three young ladies-First "Were going to start Saturday for the beach. When are you going?" Second: "We're going next Wednesday," Third "We're not going until a week from next Friday.
 First "Te-he-he. Isn't it too funny ? We're all going one at time, and no two of us going the sd me day. He-he. Third "He-he. think it is. just too absurd for auythingl" Chorus "Ie-
 he-he-he r'-Lo,OeU Citisen.. "SpEAKlNa of dreams" said old Meta physics, tine other day, "did you ever notice that whenever you dream of fall ing, falling, falling, you always wake up , before you stopp We'll, if you stopped 9 before you woke you'd wake up in the
 next world," and that very same night
 he dreamed he dropped from five. story
 window and struck the pavement, and
 he woke up, not in the next world, but feeling around on the oilcloth for bed t clothes.
 THE agent of an accident insurance t company introduces in his advertise :. ment the picture of a hat with the blade + of a pair of shears, that fell out of ,, window, sticking upright in the hat. d He says that the wearer of this hat was 'f insured against accidents in company s for which he Is an agent but how that 'f prevented the shears from falling into 1; his hat the agent fails to show. More 'f over it was the height of the hat tha T- prevented the shears from hurting tn' B. wearer of the hat after they struck. d society to prevent women and chlldrei le from chucking shears out of upper win 'e dows, or one for the encouragement a bieh hats, would seem to be of req IS need to the community.-Detro" fTe oi Press.
 u DE LAM A sTRAYiN. 10 [Exhortation at a colored camp meeting ID ,n dialect is that of Mississippi plantation.l 1e Look ont. backslider whar you walkin'p ld Make misstep, sho you bon, CT I tell you what it's no use talkin, A Elf you slip up, chile, you gone. . De road is full CT stumps and stubble,
 Ruts an sink holes eberywhar 's' spec deyll glib you heap CT trouble, h. F you don't stop yo' fooln' dar. of It's dark ez pitch an mighty cloudy, h. Spect' de debbirs walkin roun', lk Fus' thing you know he'll tell you "howdy ,,o Lif his hoof an stomp de groun,
 Man, can't you see a sto'm brewln o' Hear de awful thunder peal!
 Look Blazen' light min threatn min rum Oh, backslider, how you feel? ne Drap on yo' knees an go to prayin', lat AK the Lawd to hen you out. of Chile, tell him you's lam strayin - of Done got los an stun lin bout,
 Az, aa, rouu saa do stars a Qleamin-