Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-06-22

sP0OPENDYKE AS A SPORTSMAN.
An Exhibition of His skill with an
Improved Hrcech-Loader.
lErnrn the Rrnnll,.r, anie

An Exhibition OF His skill with nm
Improved Brcech-Loader.
lFrom the Brooklyn Eagle.I
"Say, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, as he drew gun from the case
and eyed it critically, 81 want you to
wake me up early in the morning Tn
going shooting"
Isn't that too sweet" CALCULATED
Mrs. Spoopendyke. I'll wear my new
dress and my Saratoga waves. Where
do we go2"
"I'm going down on the island, and
you'll probably go as far as the front
door," grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Women don't go shooting. It's only
men. All you've got to do is to wake
me up and get breakfast. When ! come
home wen have some BIRDS"
won't that be nice ?" chimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "Can you catch birds
with that thing ." and Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke futtered around the improved
breech-loading shotgun, firmly i'm
pressed with the idea that it was some
kind of trap.
can kill 'em with this" explained
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "This is a gun, my
dear, it isn't nest with three speckled
eggs in it, nor barn with hole in the
roof. You stick the cartridge in here,
and pull this fnger-piece, and down
comes youI bird every time"
"Well, isn't that the greatest thing |
suppose if you don't want a partridge.
you can stick duck or turkey in that
end, or fish or lobster, and bring it
down just as quick 2"
Yes, or you can stick house or a
corn field, or dod-gasted female idiot
In there, too, if you want to !" snorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Who said any
thing about partridge? It's car
fridge that goes in therei
"Oh," calculated Mrs. Spoopendyke,
rather crestfalien. 81 see now. Where
does the bird go to |"
He goes to night-school, if he hasn't
got any more sense than you have"
snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. LOOK
here, now, and I'll show you how it
works." and Mr.. Spoopendyke, whose
ideas OF gun were about as vague as
those of his wife, inserted the cartridge
half way in the muzzle end, and eau
tiously cooked the weapon.
'And when the bird sees that. he
comes and pecks at it'll Isn't that the
funniest T. and Mrs. Spoopendyke
clapped her hands in the enjoyment of
her discovery. p" Then you put out your
hand and catch him
Spoopendyke, who had the hammer on
the half cock and was yainly pulling at
the trigger to get it down. /" That's
the ideal All you need is four feathers
and gas bill to be q martingale |
With your notions, you only want new
stock and steam trip hammer to be o
needle gun. Don't yoa think the dod-
gasted thing has got TO go off before you
get bird? You shoot the birds, you
don't wait for them to shoot you -
cat home, we used to always chop
their heads off with an ak, faltered Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
$50 would l, if l was going for meas
ly old hens, )" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke,
"but when l go for yellow birds and
sparrows go like sportsman. While
I'm waiting for Bird" continued Mr..
Spoopendyke, adjusting the cartridge at
the breech, II put the load in for safe
ty. And when see q flock / aim and
fire."
Bang went the gun, knocking the
tail feathers out of an eight-day clock
and blowing furrow in the wall, per-
forating the closet door and eliminating
in Mr.. Spoopendyke's plug hat.
Goodness, gracious +" squeaked
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Oh, my
Mr.. Spoopendyke gathered himself up
and contemplated the damage
"Why cOuldn't We keep still 2" he
shrieked. "What'd ye want to disturb
my aim for and make me let it off?
Think can hold back charge of pow
der and pound OF shot while measly
woman is soaring it through guln-bar-
rel 2"
eff that had been a bird, how nicely
you would have shot it !" suggested Mrs.
Spoopendyke, smoothly. eff you
should ever aim at a bird, you'd catch
him, sure I"
"Oh, you know what I could do
With your information about gunnery
you only need wad in yotr mouth and
kick like mule to b. !. mountain
howitzer. II had your Intelligence on
sporting subjects, I'd hire out for shot
tower Don't you know you've spoiled
the dod-gasted gun ?" And Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, anxious for some excuse to take
it back to his friend Specklewottle, who
loaned it to him, held it out and eyed his
wife sternly. you've ruined that gum"
he continued, solemnly. at won't ever
go off again"
'iNever mind, DEAR" consoled Mrs.
Spoopendyke. cit has been off
enough, and I'd just as lief have some
CLAIMS as birds. You go to bed, and
we'll try and do without any birds"
at won't ever go off again."
peated Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he
climbed into his couch. "That is n ru
med guh, and he turned his face to the
wall.
Mrs. Spoopendyke slowly disrobed
having first turned stream Of waite,
into the gun from the faucet, and betooi
her to rest. 1T may go off again, ses
thought; "but, if it does, the neighbors
will think the water main has burst"
with which reflection she began to pat
the ear of Mr.. Spoopendyke, who
turned over like an earthquake, and
wanted to know if she thought she
hadn't done enough mischief without
lamming him like dod-gasted black
smith?