The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-04-26
THE RIVER PRESS.
FLOATING FANOIEs.

Brushed one from her shoulder,
And she gave him a kiss in reward.
Next night, as he sat by her side,
And let his arm artfuIiy glide
Roand her trim belted waist
80 George, now make haste
And pretend there's a spider she cried.
1t is believed that Guiteau's respiration
will trouble him more than his inspiration
next June.
A Dayton girl has named her deserted
lover Conkling because he went back on a
sure thing.
One Of the latest and most popular songs
in England is Don't Kick Mother When
She's Down"
Even a King can be nuisance" Yes,
indeed. Many's the time we've wished the
king was an ace.
Why is the discovery Of the North Pole
like an illicit whisky mandatory ? Because
it is a secret still.
A cynic says he agrees with Longfellow
that s.life is not an empty dream 1t is a
full dream, pretty much all nightmare.
Just as though this country had not been
punished enough already, a later infliction,
the banged hair young man is running at
large.
"Why do Indians get drunk ?" asks the
Temperance Worker. Because they drink
more whisky than they are gagged for. Ask
us a hard one.
Amateur Gardener" wants to know the
easiest way to make a dollhouse. Leave a
box of parlor matches where the baby can
play with them.
The facetious postofice clerk who told a
man who asked for two two's that this was
not an aesthetic postofice is now looking for
a new situation.
81 want one of those long felt hats, papa"
said a pretty girl to her father. The jndul-
gent, daddy forked over the money, and her
head now fills the long-felt want.
s'In what condition was the patriarch Job
at the end of his life p asked a Sunday
School teacher of a quiet looking boy at the
foot of his class. 'Dead,' calmly replied
the quiet youth.
s'The Stomach and Its Difficulties is the
distressing title of a quasi-medical treatise
Just published. The chief difficulty with the
stomach, among the poorer classes, is to get
something to fill it.
In a gale recently a bill board fell on a
Bridgeport man and held him until released.
1t is common enough for board bill to fasten
a man that way, but this is the first instance
on the part Of a bill board.
The s'utterly utter kind of talk has infest-
the street gamins, one of whom. after pick
ing up a more than usually fragrant cigar
stump, exclaimed to his friend "Jack,
this is quite too positively bully"
The copy read: "Brown University has
a 'Mu Pi' Society,"" The intelligent compos-
itor didn't want to wlGe-space the line, so he
made it read: Brown University has a 'Mut-
ton Pie Society" They couldn't fool him
on authorizations.
Some one says 'sbread and butter is the
dress of this world love and kindness its
trimming" Wen bet $400 that the mar
who wrote that isn't married. Any married
man knows that the trimmings always costs
four times as much as the dress.
Said the married woman to the man she
was flirting with: Come around an take
dinner tomorrow. My husband be there ?
No III just remark in the morning that 1
think I'll begin cleaning house to-day and
he won't appear around the house before
night"
A bran new idea is to fasten q looking
glass to a window casing at such an angle
that its re Election commands a view OF the
FROM door. The lady of the house is thus
enabled to tell who is at the door without
the trouble of craning her neck out of an
upper window on the sly. 1t is a very charm
ing application of ingenuity to the duties OF
etiquette.
The air was permeated with a snow chill,
the sky was overhung with leaden CLOUDS,
and a breeze carrying icicles in its onward
sweep played with her long brown locke.
But she hesitated not. She pressed forward,
driven by a resistless impulse, and one glance
at ner determined face plainly showed that
she was resolved, firmly resolved-to get five
yards of velvet trimming cut bias to match,
if she overhauled every drygoods store. in
town, and we presume she did.
A crocodile stole a baby once in the days
when ANIMALS talked, and was about to make
a dinner of it.
The poor mother begged piteously for her
baby.