The National tribune., 1882-02-25
HOW TO KEEP A HUSBAND.


We hear much about the art of winning
husband. Let us take step further, and make
study out of keeping husband If he is
worth winning he is worth keeping. This is
wicked world, and man is dreadfully mortal.
Let us take him Just as he is, not as he ought to
be. In the first place, he is very weak. The
wife must spend the first two years in discover
ing all these weaknesses, count them on her
fingers, and learn them by heart The fingers of
both hands will not be too many. Then let her
study up these weaknesses, mesh for every one,
and the secret is hers.
Is he fond of good dinner? Let her tighten
the mesh around him with fragrant coffee, light
bread, and good things generally, and reach his
heart through his stomach Is he fond of flat
terry about his looks? Let her study the die
tionary for sweet words if her supply gives out
Does he like to hear her talk about his brilliant
intellect? Let her pore over the encyclopedia
to give variety to the depth of her admiration.
Flattery is good thing to study up, at all
hazards in it's delicate shades; but it must be
skillfully done. The harpy who may try to coax
him away will not do it absurdly.
Is he fond of beauty? Here's the rub-let
her be bright and tidy; that is half the victory.
Next, let her bang her hair (metaphOrically) and
keep up with the times. A husband who sees
his wife look like other people is not going to
consider her "broken down" Though it is
common sneer that woman has admitted that
her sex considers more, In marrying, the tastes
of her friends than her own, yet it must not be
considered ludicrous that a man looks at his wife
with the same eyes that other people do. is he
fond of literary matters? Listen to him with
wide open eyes when he talks Of them. man
doesn't care so much for literary wife if only
she be literary enough to appreciate him. If
she have literary inclinations let her keep them
to herself
Men love to be big and great to their wives.
That's the reason why helpless little woman
can marry three times to a sensible, self-reliant
womans none. Cultivate helplessness. Is he
curious? Oh then you have treasure; you
can always keep him if you have secret and
only keep it carefully Is he jealous? Then,
woman, this is not for you; cease reading; cease
torturing that fretted heart which wants you for
his own, and teach him confidence Is he ugly
in temper and fault-fnding? Give him dose of
his own medicine skillfully done Is he deceit
full? Pity him for his weakness, treat him as
one who is born with physical defect, but put
your wits to work-it is a bad case. 1t is we'll
not to be too tame. Men do not waste their
powder and shot on hens and barnyard fowls
they like the pleasure of pursuing wild game
quail and grouse and deer.
A quail is good model for wife-neat and
trim, with pretty swift way about it, and just
little capricious. Never let yourself become
an old story; be just little uncertain. Another
important fact is, don't be too good; it hurts his
feelings and becomes monotonOus. Cultivate
pleasant voice, so that this very mortal man may
have his conscience prick him when he is in |
jeopardy its pleasant ring will haunt him much
more than shrill one. 1t is hard to do all this |
besides taking care of the babies and looking |
after vexatious household cares and smiling |
when he comes home; but it seems necessary.
ITO be born woman is to be born martyr |
says husband who for ten years has watched in
amazement his wife treading the wine-press of
her existence. 1t is pitiful sight to some men,
But if the wife does not make a study Of these
things the harpy will, to steal away the honor
from his silver hairs when he is full of years,
and the father Of sons and daughters. At the
same time, gudewife keep from trying any of
these things on any other mortal man but your
own. These rules are only evolved in order to
keep a husband" The poor weak creature
would rather be good than bad, and it is woman's
duty to help him by every means in her power
San Francisco ArgonaM.