Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1882-12-07

Boy" said stranger to lad who
was blacking his boots in front of ho-
tel recently. ''if | should give you q dol
lar, would your first impulse be togo to
the circusPp '.No, SIR" was the prompt
reply. my first impulse would be that
it was counterfeit bilr'-Detro1 Free
Press.
A little lady Of p years had picked
mp cane in the corner of the room and
was playing with it-a plain stick bent
at the end. Papa asked. 'What are
you doing with the cane?' "It isn't a
cane" "What is it, then? ''It's an UNI
brella without any-clothes on it."
"Yes, you may come again next Sun
day evening, Charley. dear. but
"What is il, darlinga Have given you
pain?" he asked. as she still remained
silent. "You didn't mean to, I'm sure"
she responded, "but next time don't
wear one Of those collars with the points
turning outward; they scratch So"
An indianapolis minister thus reliev-
ed himself: 1--WE are living with tele-
phone at each Christian mouth. dia-
scope at the eye, sphygmaphone at
the pulse, and we sent lightning shocks
of mercurial Christian force around the
globe and on-chasing the centuries"
Very naturally, the Buffalo Express
thinks he is wanted in Boston.
A guest at the table of boarding
house on the Catskill Mountains. who
was about to tackle piece of dried ap-
pie pie, addressing the landlay, said:
'.Do you think you could furnish me
with bit of cheesep'' Il don't know
whether there is any," she answered, in
a castiron tone of voice, "but if you'll
have a little patience, I'll send a
waiter to look through the mouse-traps
and see."-Brooklyn Eagle.
81 can't get up early" said poor
victim to his doctor. "Oh, yes you
can," was the reply, ''if you will only
follow my advice. What is your hour
of rising?" Mine O'clock" Well, get
up half an hour later every day, and in
the course of month you will find
yourself up at four in the morning."
''How beautiful is the dome of heaven
this. evening"" said Angelica, as she
leaned heavily on his arm. "The stars
seem to look down upon US" ''Oh,
yes" said practical John, ''it's impos-
sible for them to look up to US, you
know. They cawn't." Sudden check
of an evening full of most delightful
sentimentality.
A year or two ago, when young
man from Boston landed in new town
in Nebraska, he was at once approached
by a middle-aged man, who introduced
himself as Jones, and added: "Going to
settle down hereP" "Yes; / think so.
Single man, are your Eyes, sill" :"
s.Well, l want.to warn you right here
and now about certain things. I own
the only church in town; my son keeps
the only saloon here; my brother owns
the only hotel; and / am engaged to the
only single female in this country. My
commission on all transactions is 10 per
cent cash in advance. Come and see
me" "-WaH Street NeWs.
A little boy, who was accustomed to
saw grace in the absence of his father,
had younger brother who found it
hard to wait until grace was over with
out helping himself to some of the good
things near. On one occasion, when
company was present, the young master
of ceremonies observed the small boy
helping himself literally to cake before
the blessing was asked, so he deliberate
ly said. ''FoE what we are about to re-
ceive, and for what Charlie has already
helped to, the Lord make us truly thank
full"
In Cambridge horse-car: '.Now ]
don't believe in speaking against man
behind his back. 1t does not do any
good and frequently Injuries an innocent
| party" 'It is an excellent plan to fol
low," returned the other. i've always
done so," continued the first. land
found it worked well, but there is Col.
So-and-So, he is sample of the other
kind. He will backbite and malign his
neighbors, will get man into his con-
fidence and then give him away. and
do all sorts of such mean, contemplate
tricks that would be ashamed off,
| RostO,a Sunddu Badoet.