The Arizona sentinel. [volume] (Arizona City [Yuma], Yuma County, A.T. [Ariz.]) 1872-1911, 1882-12-16
A Soliloquy on Carving.

is a prospect now that In our best
circles, within a short time, the
old custom of making the host
demolish the kiln-dried poultry
at dinner will become extinct
and that a servant at sidebOard
on a small salary, will take a
hand-SaW and a can of nitrO-gl Y.
cerine and shatter the remains,
, thus giving the host chance tC
chat with his guests instead OF
scattering them with dressing
and casting gloom and gravy ov-
er the company.
This is a move for which I have
long contended. It places the
manual labor of a dinner where
it belongs, and relieves a man
who should give his whole atten-
ton to the entertainment of his
! friends at table. You would not
expect your host to take off his
coat and kill the fowl in your
presence in order to show you
that it was on the square, and it
is not customary to require the
proprietor of the house to peel
the potatoes at table to prove to
his guests that there is no put-up
job about it.
Therefore, I claim that the la
mented hen may be thoroughly
shattered at a side table by an
athlete at four dollars per week,
and still good faith toward the
guests be maintained. If any
one be doubtful or suspicious,
etiquette will permit him to
stand by the side of the hireling
carver and witness the inquest.
Still it would be better fun for
him to sit at the table, and if the
parts given him are not satisfac-
tory, he can put them in his
OvershOes protein, and cauSually
throw them out the back door
while the other guests are listen
ing 10 the "Maiden's Prayer" in
the parlor.
Under the new deal the host
will enjoy the dinner much more
than he used to with his thumb
cut off and quart of dressing in
his lap. No man feels perfectly
at home if he has to wrap up his
cut finger in a rag and then scoop
a handful of DIRE essing out of his
vest pocket and return it to the
platter. Few men are cool
enough to do this, laughing
heartily all the time and telling
some mirth-provoking anecdote
meanwhile.
1t is also annoying to have
twenty guests ask for the "dark
meat, please" when there are
only three animals cooked and
neither one them had a particle
of dark meat about her person.
Lately have adopted the plan
of segregating the fowl by main
strength, using the fingers when
necessary, and then wiping them
In an off-hand manner on the ta-
be cloth. Then / ask the serv-
ant to bring in that dark hen we
ordered, SO that We might have
an abundance of dark meat. If
the servant says there is none, l
smile and tell the guests that the
brunette chicken, by some over
sight, has been eaten in the kit.
chen, and l shall have to give
them such relics as may be at
hand. This simplifies the mat
ter, and places me in far more
agreeable place relative to the
company. My great success,
however. in carving is mainly
confined to the watermelon. The
watermelon does not confuse me.
l always know where to find the
joints, and those who do not like
inside of the melon can have the
outside. Now, my great trouble
with fowls is, that one day l have
Nebraska chicken and the next
trip l have to assassinate Nor
mon Shanghai pullet, with high,
expressive hip-bones and ANAL
gam paletot. This makes me