Daily Los Angeles herald., 1882-06-06
FUN, FACT AND FANCY.

Religion is not mere sentiment, any
more than love is; both are workers,
helpers, and the motto of each man is:
LEND hand"
An orator declaring that Fortune
knocked at every mans door once, an old
Irishman said, s'When she knocked at
mine must have been out"
Can the chap at the theater who in
sists ON beating time to the orchestra
with his feet be spoken of as a ''man
who has no music in his sole?''
The first circus started out from Pit
nam county, N. Y, in 1927 or 1928. We
supposed the circus jokes of 1882 were
much older than fifty-four years.
The fact that the people are going
around buying up old rubber shoes leads
us to suspect that there must be new
kind of Bologna sausage in the market.
Mrs. Vanderbilt pays 5000 year
to her new French cook. Mrs. Wander
bilt, you see, has got tired of paying 81
a week and doing all the cooking her.
self.
ssWoman," says Mrs. Eastman, sis a
problem" So she is; and though a
problem we can never hope to solve, it
is one we shall never, never be willing to
give mp.
According to Darwin, "those who are
best fitted to live are the ones who do
live." Judging from some that do live,
those who do not live must be sorry
specimens indeed.
Sanitarian-ssHo can you obtain the
statistics of idiocy for this country" Oh,
that's easy enough. Find out how many
persons have paid twenty-five cents for
Guiteau's autograph.
At Monte-Cai humorist posted the
following notice: "Mr A. yesterday lost
10000 francs at trente ct quarante;
10000 franks reward will be paid for
their return. lie Figaro.
"What building is that" asked a
stranger of a boy, pointing to school
house. "That?" said the boy. "Why,
that's tannery, and he feelingly rub
bed his back as he passed on.
s'Pa," said child, thirsting for
knowledge, "they say that beavers are
the most Industrious of animals. What
do they make?" "Beaver hats, my child
beaver hats, replied the father.
ssMy dear son, exclaimed old Mrs.
Jenkins last evening, 81 wouldn't go out
without something over me. Put on
your overcoat or your cardamon jacket,
or you'll ketch your death of ammonia. F"
--LomeU Citizen.
The genius who telegraphed that the
loss by the Racine fire was 5000, 900,
when it was not ST. ,000, 900 or anything
like it, is in the wrong field. He should
be President or Secretary of a mining
company Boston Herald.
Copy was out: The devil picked up
paper and said: "Here's something
about woman. Must l cut it outg"
ssNo!" thundered the editor; 'the first
trouble in the world was occasioned by
the devil fooling with q woman"
A distinction with difference. -''It
is not necessary for man to be poor to
be honest" Certainly mot. But it seems
sort O. half way necessary for man to
be poor if he is honest. A distinction
with quite difference, it will be seen.
There is certain way of distinguish
ing man from head waiter at a swell
party, notwithstanding both may be
dressed the same. The waiter generally
has towel on his left arm and the man
generally has young lady there, if he
is agreeable.
President Arthur having been severe
ly criticized by some journals because he
took trip with James Gordon Bennett
on the latter's new yacht, the Rochester
Herald suggests that if the President
wants to take sail and avoid censure
from an enlightened press he should pro-
cure one of Paul Boynton's rubber suits
and 60 it alone.