Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-02-23
HUMORS OF THE DAY.


Ir IS the clean table-cloth that catches
the early grease spot.
A MINER is always a lucky man be-
cause he can always take his pick.
REBEcoA: Yes, blind men may be per-
fectly sane, although you do believe in
the saying, "Out of sight out OF mind. -
We SHOULD think scarf pins would get
sea-sick. They are so often on the
bosoms of such heavy swells. - Cedar
Rapids Stylus.
TAKE my tex dis mornin'," said o
colored preacher, "from dat potion OBJ
de Scripture whar de Postol Paul pints
his pistol to de Fesions."
''GEonaE," she said, "hand me the
maynoo" "The which, map 1.-THE
nadynoo, dear" "1he what ?" "Ch.
you stupid, give me the bill of fare, and
be quiet"
AN EXCHANGE states that clerk in q
government Office at Washington was
injured by an accidental discharge of
his duties. 1t will not occur again.
Peck's Sun.
Now, Sammy, have you read the
story of Joseph ?" "Oh, yes, uncle. :"
. Well, then, what wrong did they do
when they sold their brother?" "They
sold him too cheap"
SHORT metre wedding.-A young
clergyman in Iowa recently married a
couple In tie following brief manner !:
" Do you want one another" Both re-
piled yes. "Well, then, have one an
other"
+" HENRY CLAY OLEsoN :" Your poem
entitled, can Ode to a Cucumber. is
accepted. We will work it in on the pub
lie IN the form of newspaper wrappers,
or sell it to lay under carpets. -Laranaie
Boomerang.
An OLD proverb says: eff you throw
pound of bread to the poor the Lord
will throw pound of butter into your
lap. This may be true. We shan't
risk trying it, any way. 1t would be ex-
tremely disagreeable to have n pound of
butter chucked into our Boston
Post.
:. I'LL arrest you if you don't keep
quiet" said a policeman to a Little
Rock man. "I'll bet you 500 YOU
DON'T The policeman nabbed him and
took him to the lookup. always the
way" he said, as the policeman locked
the door; never won bet in my life."
FORCE OF HABIT Why are YOU
ate r asked an Austin school teacher of
little girl, who hung her head and said
We have little baby at our house"
" Don't let it happen again" said the
teacher, fiercely, and the little girl said
she would not, and took her seat.-Teras
Sftings.
DID you observe that woman ?" said
q gentleman to his companion, as a
rp-featured female swept haughtily
by them. The friend nodded to indicate
that he had observed her. "Well. Pm
indebted to her for the chief happiness
Of my life" Indeed; | can imagine
the gratitude you must feel toward her"
" No, you can't; only her present has
band can do that. Ten years ago asked
her hand in marriage and she refused
me. '-BrookLyn Eagle.
UNCLE JoE's REFLECTIONS. DE stars
is jes as bright as dey was befo' de war.
Some folks would borrer a dung-hole eff
dey could. Oars some thing dat will
do to swop orr in the dark. A smart
dorg rudder take de back track oh a
grown bar. A dorg wild block ON don't
drag on his sitiwation. Olds Satun loads
his cannons wild big watermillons. De
debbul amt got no pertickler objection
to Chrismus. Heap o pentenchery
hands kin sing hymns firs-rate. You may
pray for rain, but you better try de hoe
on the crab grass. A punkin vine amt
gwine to ak your vice bout what road it
trabble.-NeaO Orleans Times.