News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-16
WIT AND WISDOM.
NovrassEH sO-Autumn leaves

TWELVE HUNDRED head Of sheep sold
in England lately for SIG, 900. the high
est price on record at a large sale.
By TAKING revenge man is but even
with his enemy; but in passing it over
he is superior.
AN ENGAGED girl is happiest when she
is telling about it to another girl who
is not engaged, and is not likely to be.
THERE is not sparrow that falls but
that some hunter brags he has shot q
partridge - Whitehall Times.
IF we could only make the world
think as much of us as we think OF
ourselves, we should then be properly
appreciated.
WHEN Adam got tired naming mis- de-
scendants, he said "Let the rest be
divided into two parts, calling the one
part Smith and the other Jones'.
WHEN you fret and fume at the petty
ills of life, remember that the wheels
which go round without creaking last
longest.
THIS is about the season of the year
when the coal dealer comes out in an
extra heavy overcoat, and advances the
price of coal fifty cents ton-Aiddte-
toaOn Transcript.
"PA I'LL be right sorry when you
get well, said little Austin boy to his
sick parent. "Why so, my son -
because I won't get any more empty
medicine bottles TO sell. sell 'em for
five cents apiece to the drug store"
DIR. HALL says that taking walk be-
fore breakfast has put more people into
their cofins than the ailments they were
seeking to get rid Of. The attention of
tramps is particularly called to this
statement Detroit Free Press.
JENNIE JUNE declares that there are
no scientific dressmakers in this country.
The trouble is, the fashionable dress
maker lavishes all her scientific attain
ments on making out the bill There's
where all the science goes.
Herald.
ASTONISHING bargains Mrs. Fogg
visited q second hand auction the other
day and boughta job lot of kitchen fur
nishing goods. Fogg says every article
in the list has a hole in it except the
pepper-box cover, and that everything
leaks but the milk-strainer.
A MARRIED lady declined to tell q
maiden sister any of her troubles, say
ing: "Where ignorance is bliss tits folly
to be WISE" eyes," replied the sister,
''and I've come to the conclusion that
when singleness is bliss tits folly to be
wives"
The inexpert huntsman having missed
five partridges in succession, blazes
away ct sixth and cries exultantly to
the gamekeeper "There, l hit him L
saw the feathers fly Didn't they ?"
The gamekeeper-Yes, sir, they few
they few off with the bird
GLORY is in store for the man who
will teach committees on resolutions TO
get their platforms into small space.
What would the eDecalogue have amount
ed to if it had been strung out into three
| quarters OF a column in fine type,
pointing with pride" and "viewing
with alarm p
| Mrs. SMITH meets Mrs. Jones and
and her daughter Oracle. After the
usual salutations, Mrs. Smith asks
But why haven't you called, Mrs.
Jones ?" "Oh, I know" exclaimed
Oracle, "Mamma says she doesn't want
TO go to your house, because if she did
she'd have to ask you to ours. ."-Bostea
Transcript.
ONE day toward nightfal, and in rn.
certain light, man bought an overcoe
of pretended pIum-coIor. The next
morning it proved to be of quite too
unmistakabIe green. Returning it to
the shopkeeper, that worthy regarded
the buyer calmly, and said: "You must
have little patience with it, my dear
sir; it isn't ripe yet.
"WF1L, Tom," said blacksmith to
his apprentice, ''you have been with me
now three months, and have seen all
the different points in our trade; 1 wish
to give you your choice of work for
while" "Thank'ee, SIR" "Well, now,
what part of the business do you like
best?" Shutting up shop and goin' to
dinner"
A YOUNG lover, having heard an item
of fashionable intelligence, calls upon
i the father of the young lady. "Re-
spected sir, he says, mildly but firmly,
"you promised me your daughter and
you have given her to my hated rival |"
every well, my son, very well. You
had my promise and were happy. He
had my daughter and was happy. What
more do you want? ?"
In THE crowded railway carriage
First Traveller say, do open that
window there, or I'll be suffocated
| Second Traveler-Don't you open that
window there, or it'll give me an attack
of pneumonia. First Traveler-That
makes no difference If you have
pneumonia you won't have it for a
week, whereas, if 1 am suffocated I'll
be suffoostsd now. Open that window
there
A LITTLE brown-eyed fve-year old
had heard his mother tell how she put
eggs so they would keep, by setting
them on their ends in salt. The next
day he had some company, lot of little
girls, to play with him during the after
noon, and he wanted them to stay to tea
and asked his mother to make them
stay, but she said she didn't believe
she could keep them. He went down to
the kitchen and come up with box of
salt and said Mamma, I know how
you can keep them. Keep them the way
you keep eggs" That settled it.-Peck's
Sisn.
| TEXAS sIFTINeS.
A LONDON tourist met young woman
going to the kirk, and, as was not unusual,
she was carrying her boots in her hand,
trudging along barefoot. "My girl,"
said he, "is it customary for all the
people in these parts to 90 barefoot ?"