The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1882-08-15
Artemus Wards Franks.

I once shared his room and bed at a mis-
cradle tavern in Oxford county. The house
was old and riokety, the windows ratified
hideously in the easement, the chill NO
yember wind came through a couple of
broken panes with too much force for com
fort and sleep was nearly impossible.
After turning and tossing awhile in a vain
endeavor to court foIgetfulness, Artemus
arose, and lifting the lamp made a most
solemn survey of the room in every part.
Presently he emerged from a deep closet in
the corner with a dilapidated hoop-skirt in
his hand, which he grayely hung up before
the window. "Now, what are you doing =
was asked of him Artemus slowly placed
the lamp on the floor, turned on me a
look of pity, and with al a~rgumentative
gesture of his right hand half muttered TO
himself:
twill keep out the coarsest of the
cold, anyway
Artemus was known in the family and
among his schoolmates as Club, a name
given him by his facetious brother Cyrus,
as a satire on his tall, gaunt makeup.
l do not remember TO have seen any no
tice of Artemus's happy use of pantomime
in his humorous moods among his friends
and associates. There was an unnpproach-
able e%loquence sometimes in it. He had a
way ofmaking quotation marks in the air
with his left and right foretingers on oo-
casions that was irresistibly funny. Once
he was engaged to fill an evening in the
lecture curse Of a popular literary instr
tuition in a New England city. During the
lecture an individual who occupied n seat
on one of the front benches seemed deter
mined to resist the speakers efforts to make
him laugh. Artemus soon discovered both
the listener and his intention, and concen-
trated all powers on him. For n long time
1t seemed as if the man had the best of 1t,
but by-and-by one of Browne queer con-
ceits took effect. The obstinate fellow gave
way and laughed and kicked like n delight
ed schoolboy. Artemus celebrated his vic
tory by coolly announcing TO his audience:
Ladies and gentlemen, this will terminate
the first act, and we will drop the curtain
for n few moments; while the scenery IS
being arranged for the next act the lectur-
err will take occasion to go out TO see a
man, and with perfect sang Jroid he left
the platform for the ante-room, where he
quietly refreshed himself with weak tea
| and a cracker, and gleeiully told the story
of his contest.
Half a dozen of his associates were sit
ting one day in his room ut he village no.
tel where he boarded, when an old woman
drove up TO the store opposite with a pair
of donkeys-a Jack and Jenny-hitched
TO n little wagon. Jack was the noisest
brute in the country. He had n voice
worse than the handle of the town pump
on a frosty morning, inc was proud of it.
In a minute his tail rose to n horizontal,
his nose was thrust forward, his lips parted
and the beast brew his internal blast. A
second and third time il was repeated,
Artemus thought "that thing might be
hxed,n and disappeared from the room.
He went over and appeared to makea care
full inspection of the fore wheels of the
wagon, the harness, and the hitchup, and
came back saying that the donkey was al
right; the brute must have made n mis-
take about something. Presently there
were indications of a movement on Jack
part the neck was extended, the lips
curled, and the tail rose-to the pivota
point and no further. The trumpet didn'
sound. Jack thought there was n mistake
somewhene-hesitated reflected, and triet
again. The front part, some of IL, was al
right but the equilibrium could not b.
reached. After n time another attemp
was made and failed. Jack turned his heat
around TO ascertain the cause of the failure
but he couldn't see any. The fifth vain
attempt to bray was followed by a spite
full kick at Jenny, but it didn't cure tn
matter. At last he gave 1t up and stood a
that store door the most neglected looking
discontented donkey in existence. Mean
time, Artemus enjoyed the fun and dis
charged a rattling fusilade of pungent hu
NOR that kept the party in n roar and mad
the whole affair one of the most ludicrou
that / ever experienced. Artemus had nj
tached q heavy stone to the donkey's tai
leaving Just play enough to the cord to al
low the beast TO get his tail nearly up +
concert pitch.