davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
HE WAS SLIGHTLY PaRALYZED

II wish, if you are going down by the
market to-day" said Mrs. Timblethorpe to
her liege lord and master, that you would
bring home some fresh horse-radish." eyes,
my love-" said Timblethorpe, demurely,
though he hated above all things to carry a
package, even of the smallest dimensions.
When Timblethorpe reached the horse-cars
it occurred to Timothy that he had not asked
the sharer of his joys and troubles how much
of the tear compelling vegetable she re-
quired; it might be an ounce, or it might be
ten pounds, for aught he knew to the con-
trary, for he was only familiar with the root
in its grated condition in glass jar. How
ever,n he thought, "I'u do the best l can and
get enough anyway" Just as he was start
ing for home in the afternoon, he remem-
bered his wife's request, and rushed to the
nearest vegetable stall in the market In hot
haste. "How much is horse-radish ?" ne
asked, breathlessly. Fifteen cents pound"
replied the attendant. "1ll take five
pounds" said Timblethorpe, as he threw
dollar bill upon the counter. The market
man looked somewhat surprised, but pro-
ceeded to weigh out the required amount of
garden stuff. Timblethorpe watched him,
and wondered when he would get through,
but finally received package as large as he
could carry conveniently, and heard, as he
departed, the remark, "Guess that man
keeps hotel" When TimbIethorpe de-
posted his prize at the feet, metaphorically
speaking, of the lady of his love, she screamed:
Goodness gracious, what have you there,
Timothy?" "Horse-radish," he answered
laconically. "Are you going to live ON it
for the next year?" queried the lady, sarcas-
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
WIT AND HuMOR,

Scene in the auditorium of theatre:
Actor (who has appeared in the first piece)-
"Good evening! May take the seat next
you?" Lady Certainly; but don't you
appear any more to-night?n Actor-"No.
Lady-"Oh, am so glad! Pray sit right
down."-BostOn Advertiser.
Il understand that Brown is in trouble,n
said Smithson. "Yes, replied Fogg. Brown
was at the auction shop the other day. They
had silver pitcher, and Brown offered to
take it-offered to take it for nothing. YOU
know. Well, the sheriff took him up. That's
ALL"
"Scene at an evening party.-The hostess:
"Can I introduce you to any of the young
ladies, Mr.. t." Mr.. T.: ooh! no. think
1 am acquainted with all 1 wish" Host
ess: "Do you know nay daughter?" Mr.. T.
(much embarrassed): "A-h, no; should be
delighted. ."-Boston Transcript.
How profoundly still and beautiful is the
night" she whispered, resting her finely
yeined temple against his coat collar, and fix
ing her dreamy eyes on the far off Pleiades,
chow soothing, how restful." "Yes," he re-
piled, toying with the golden aureola of her
hair, "and what night to shoot cats!"
"What harm has the lad done you?" asked
an old gentleman, roughly collaring boy
who was warming the jacket of another ur-
chin with bit of wild grape vine. "He
amt done me no harm" "What are you
thrashing him for then?" "'Cause his father
and mother never licks him, and Pm doin'
it for charity"
The fashion of giving balls at public places
has its advantages, but it ought to make one
careful. At the Kensington Yestry Hall,
lately, young dandy accosted gentleman
who was standing near the doorway, " think
I have met you before several times-a."
"Probably, sir" he replied; "Im Gunter's
head waiter"-LOndon Truth.
"Well, my little nan, aren't you barefoot
rather early this season." said benevolent
gentleman to New Haven youngster this
morning. "Guess not. Wuz born barefoot.
1 wuz." "I declare, so you was; so you was
What pity; what a pity. Well, Nature is
unkind to the poor, really" and he gave the
yeungster dime to atone for the neglect Of
the smother of us ALL W. Ne,o IItssIea Register.
a crocodile stole a baby once In the days
when animals could talk and was about to
make dinner of it. The poor mother beg
ged piteously for her child. "Tell me one
TRUTH" said the crocodile, "and you shall
have your baby again" The grief-stricken
mother thought for moment and then said,
between her sobs: 81 shall buy new bon
net next spring" "Take the baby" said
the alligator, clubbing himself as he spoke,
II am not fly enough for you."-Chieago
Tribune
For four months, dating from the first,
the modest and retiring oyster will enjoy a
vacation, secure in the knowledge that
stews, broils and fries have been temporarily
dispensed with. If he is safe from the
dredger, however, the scientist will pounce
down upon him with learned treaties on
his origin, life and habits, call him a
marine acephalous mollusk, and do hun
dred other things calculated to disturb his
equanimity and well-earned repose-Balts-
more Day.
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
MARRYING A BEAUTIFUL ARMENIAN.

MHRhIl IlNG bEHUIIFU III hhW ENlANs
The editor of the Bombay Herald made a
trip through Asiatic Turkey and wrote q
very readable and instructive book about
what he heard and saw. In it he described
the Armenian women as the perfection of
female beauty, grace, loveliness, and virtue
He declared that they combined everything
that was excellent in female person and
character to be found in all parts of the
world. A rich money-lender residing in
Constantinople, Bekian by name, resolved to
marry one of the women who had been
lauded so highly in the volume he had been
reading. He sought the society of Armenian
people, and soon found girl of the race that
exactly suited his fancy. She was as beau
tiful as imagination could picture. Her
name was not pretty-it was Margaretta
Amassin--but he did not care for that, as he
resolved to change it as soon as he could get
permission. And as her father had no in
come except that derived from an office that
paid small salary and afforded no stealing,
this was easy to do Madam was soon an
excellent housekeeper, and showed great
love for literary work. In looking over her
writings one day to find some pleasant read
ing to admire he discovered letter ready
for the post. 1t was addressed to her very
dear cousin, whom she desired to kill Mr.
Bekian, that they might obtain his property
and live together in happiness. Soon after
he received letter purporting to be signed
by five refugees, which demanded that he
carry $1,000 On given day and deposit it at
certain place in a forest Failure to COM
ply with the modest request was death. Mr.
Bekian did not go out with the money, His
loving wife, however, left the house and did
not return. The matter was reported to the
authorities, who, caring nothing for senti-
ment or true love- condemned the two cous-
ins to long term of hard labor Mr. Bekian
does not read any more books of travel. He
regards them as unreliable as novels.
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
THE UMBRELLA RACKET,

A Hartford, Conn, man was denOuncing
newspaper advertising to crowd of lis
teners
LAST week." said he, II had an umbrella
stolen from the vestibule of the church. 1t
was gift, and valuing it very highly l spent
double its worth in advertising, but I have
not recovered it,"
"How did you word the advertisements"
asked merchant.
"Iere it is" said the man, producing a
slip cut from newspaper
The merchant took it and read:
Lost, from the vestibule of the -
Church, last Sunday evening, a black silk
umbrella. The gentleman who took it will
be handsomely rewarded by leaving it at
No. - San Fernando street"
Now" said the merchant II am a liberal
advertiser, and have always found it paid me
well. A great deal depends upon the man.
ner in which an advertisement is put. Let
us try for your umbrella again, and if you
do not then acknowledge that advertising
pays l will purchase you new one"
The merchant then took slip of paper
from his pocket and wrote:
"If the man who was seen to take an UNI
brella from the vestibule of the - Church
last Sunday does not wish to get into trou-
BILE and have stain cast upon his Christian
character, which he values so highly he will
return it at once to San Fernando street. He
is well known"
The National tribune., 1882-05-13

beautiful cemetery overlooking the harbor
of New York, where the remains were ex-
humed, the casket opened and found to con-
tain the decaying body of a man. An in
vestigation was at once instituted and re-
suited in establishing the fact that the wife
had eloped with her music teacher, first
causing a report of her sickness and death
to be sent to her far-away home, and in
confederation of it had secured corpse
from the morgue, which was sent as her
own, with the result above stated.-Paris
Letter.
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
COLONEL MCCLURE ON KISSING.

1t isn't often that girl is kissed too much
and less frequently does boy suffer from too
much of that sort of thing. 1t is SO different
from washing and ironing and cooking and
sweeping down the stairs that girls have been
known to seek kissing rather than those things
and often much to the neglect of them. 1t has
never been supposed that any great danger
lurked in kissing, even though great deal of
it be done, and if it has fatigued the very ardent
for sometimes the very best things will fa-
tigue one-it has usually been a fatigue which
all were willing to accept.-Phila. Times.
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
GEN. TORBERT,S WAY.

Torbert, of cavalry fame, who was lost at
sea last year with the ill-fated Vera Cruz,
was a good fighter and hard worker.
While having kindly heart for the trooper
who was always ready for the "boots and
saddles" he hated shirk, and had his own
way of meeting the complaints urged by
shirkers to get rid Of duty. Just before
breaking camp, in the spring of 1865, the
General attended a siek-call to see the state
Of health in his command. One after
another of the boys came in for prescriptions,
and by and by a strapping big trooper, who
was notorious shirk, entered the tent with
his hands on his stomach. Torbert took
him all in at glance, and then thundered
out:
"What are you here for?"
"Sick," was the faint response.
"What ails you?"
"Snake in the stomach"
"How long has it been there?"
"Six months"
Surgeon" said the General, as he turned
to the officer, call in two men, cut this
man open and remove the snake. We are
going to break camn in tAn d"-~ -. -
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
THE FORTUNES OF A CIRCUS GIRL.

Lizzie Marcellus, the circus-rider who was
lost with Stoves show on the burned Missis-
sippi steamer Golden City, went Off with Dan
Rice when only six years of age. Dams circus
passed through q rural town near Schenectady,
and Lizzie rode short distance with the clown
in his buggy. She was a remarkably pretty
and bright child, and on leaving her at her
parents door he gave the family tickets for
that evenings performance. She was infatu-
ated with the circus and begged to be taken
along. Dan and his wife offered to adopt her,
and the parents gave her up. She was soon
put into training for horseback riding, at which
she became expert. At the time of her death,
at the age of twenty-five, she owned most of
the horses in the Stowe establishment, sixeitses;
of wild animals, and 5000 worth of dresses,
and diamonds. HH ,qi
The National tribune., 1882-05-13
OLD TREES,

There is an interest in old trees which seems
to be a never-failing topic of discussion. The
Oldest tree or the biggest tree in any country is
sure to have a reputation hardly equalled by
any other local curiosity. Old people, too, love
to talk of these familiar topics, and their
children after them repeat with pleasure the
queer old stories and ideas about "the old
trees" which still live, while every one else
grows old and drops away forgotten. Hereis
practical argument to the young and of the
present generation TO plant trees for all futurity.
They may fall from the ranks of life at any
time but the trees they planted bear their
names on for years with many a precious
memory. And of all old trees none are SO
frought with "reminiscences as old fruit trees.
Every one who plants fruit tree is bene-
factor, and long after the planter has gone to his
last rest and been forgotten some one, grateful
for the fruits which he enjoys, will ask, "Who
planted that old tree?" This is well expressed
by Bryant:
What plant we in this apple-tree?
Sweets for a hundred howery springs
To load the May winds restless wings,
When, from the orchard row, he pours
Its fragrance through our open doors.
What plant we in this apple-tree?
Fruits that shall swell in sunny June,
And redden in the August noon,
And drop, when gentle airs come by,
That fan the blue September sky;
While children come, with cries of gee,
And seek them where the fragrant grass
Betrays their bed 10 those who pass,
At the foot of the old apple-tree.
And after ages have elapsed, and when the
hundreds who have enjoyed its fruits have
turned to dust
The children of some distant day
Thus to some aged man shall say,
Who planted this old dpple-treeS
The National tribune., 1882-05-13

A soldiers life resembles cigar. He passes
through the fire and smoke to find his hopes in
ashes, and what is left of him mere stump
n. Y, Com. Advertiser.
The National tribune., 1882-05-13

brellas Many of them had notes attached
to them saying that they had been taken by
mistake, and begging the loser to keep the
little affair quiet.-LouisUiHe Commercial.
The National tribune., 1882-05-13

tically. eyes" was the snappish response;
d" it's good for the circulation, and Pm slightly
paralyzed."
The National tribune., 1882-05-13

t ras=e s11
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
The Story Corroborated.

T,e B,zp's article of Friday IA regard
Ia The ci,' implied train rohberv IN the ter
ril"ry,"n Monday night l'st,i> ih 4, corrnl,-
GRATED by tiiv PaTson> sun:
An entire n-w phase MAS Yesterday put
u.n,n the attic pt,d train robbery in the
i"dian territory last Monday night. II
nov ,ransrires that there were ma Others
connected with the affair except Sweeney.
who pretended tu give the pruI~,sed rst,bcr
away AMI Ed. Miller, the rObi,sr. who was
killed. 10Th men are wei! known dcsrer-
ADDE'S, amt the fear that Miller wnnid give
him away in some of his devilish trzus-
actions caused Sweeney To put up the
scheme of robbiDg the train in order that
ne Nigh, have an opportunity I'D kill Mil
Ter and thus get rid of him. Sweeney was
arrested yesterday in the Indian territory,
near Viuila, by the Pacific detectives, Fur.
long and BonnelI, and taken to Fort
Smith.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
Gen. Shelby Speaks.

Gen. J. u. Shelby is out i'm card in
yesterdays Kansas City Times in which he
takes occasion Ia deny that he has deserted
Col. Graves. Of Lexington, and intends To
support Col. Jno T. Crisp ss an indepen.
dent candidate for congress from his dis.
trict. In conclusion he says: ST..
"The people OF Lafayette having directed
their delegates to support Mr. Graves with
their best efforts, they did -. His nOmi-
nation, however. is due to johnson county
and the four gentlemen from Jackson
county who knew that no democrat from
Jackson county would receive the vote Of
the party, owing tO former. troubles. Being
one Of the Lafayette county delegates, my
vote was cast for Mr.. Graves. Treachery
is not part of my nature, I hope, nor
will be found in the line of those who
are daily sssailing Col. Crisp. and so un-
Justly. too. Having been a Graves voter
from the first, my support will be with
him to the end "
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
BOTHERED BY BURGLARS.
The Residence Of w. r. Hans
berger Entered by Thieves

Some time during thei light Friday night
thieves Effected m entrance to the resi-
dence of W F. Hansbe, ger, at the corner
of Fifth and Vermont streets, and succeed
ed in getting away with quantity of sill.
ver-plated ware Entrance was Effected by
cutting the screen Of a window in 5the rear
OF the house. SO quietly and expeditions
ly was the work OF the midnight maracd-
ers accomplished, thst no member OF the
family was awakened, and the robbery was
not discovered until this morning.
From the fact that no other article MAS
moIested, although the thieves had unob-
strscted access To all parts OF the hosase
after entrance was effected, il is supposed
that the robbery was committed 'r insti.
gated by some one having full knowledge
OF the premises. The notorious Sarah
Counsellor, or Five Cent SAL" worked Tor
Mrs. Hansberger several days last week,
and from several significant circumstances,
il WAS thought that she knows more thar
she cares Ia divulge about the burglary.
She was run in Saturday morning, on
the charge of having preferred criminal
charges against one Joe Staley without
any reasonable grounds for snch charges,
and a vigorous effort will be made by the
authorities to give her a temporary home,
at least, at Jefferson City.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
God Bless the Women I

The best interests of all humanity de-
pend on the good health of our women
folk. WOmzn's best friend for relieving
the painful weaknesses with which so many
are afflicted, and as general family medi-
cine for warding off billions attacks
and curing stomach, liver and kid
ney complaints, is Browns Iron Bitters.
1t contains just such life-giving properties
as are needed in female diseases, and is SUI
perior to all other preparations as true
medicinal tonic, for giving health, strength
and vigOr TO every part of the body. II
you are weak, nervous and debili,ated, or
suffering from dyspepsia, Browns Iron
Bitters will surely cure YOU.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
A Fatal Accident.

Friday afternoon Mr. J. Il. Brunk, a
young man Iesining at C.mtertown. while
waiting al the depot at California i"r the
train tO his home, was run over 10y the
essl-bound Missouri Pacific train. receiv-
ing injuries which resulted in bis death.
Mr.. Brunk was walking along the piaiiurm
with his 6ahy i'm his arms, his wife being
near by, when he accidcntly dr''pred his
vaiise in front OF the rapidly approaching
engine He jumped upon the track to
secure his property. bat she engine was too
close upon him. and he MS knocked dawn,
the wheeis passing oyer him and ,er. ring
both leg from his body The bsh, rec, we'd
some severe brin>-s, but aImos, miraru!o,r>iy
escaped any serious injury. Poor Brank
died after lingering IN great agcny i"r
about an honr aud half. The piercing
SCREAMS Of Mrs. Brunk, who ,hus saw her
husband crushed Before her ewes. are said
To have ieeu heart -r~nding I'm the extr, me-
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
Gong After Witnesses.

Detective W H. Bonnell,pf the Missouri
Pacific, who assisted Detective Fmr.ong In
capturing John w,enev. the train robber.
at EiniIa, on Thursday morning last. and
who accompanied ihe prisoner to ST. lonis,
passed through S.dalis Yesterday moi ming.
Ell route TO the territory. Ii was his i'm
iention 1" stop AT Vini;a and procure a
nu nber Of Witnesses vino are c,gnizant of
Sweeney's connection with the attempted
robbery, and know something of his psst
history These witnesses will be- IaAcn
across the country Ia Fort Smith, Ark.
where Sweeney Is NOW i'm the custody al The
United ; ates authorities, and VIII. re he
will have All examination on Thursday.
Mr. Bonnell had read copy of Friaay :
BAzoo, wherein all the particulars of The
crime and arrest were given, and informed
the writer that they were correct IN every
particular, and the account WAS the first
authentic one published ia The country.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19

COMMENDABLE CHARITY.
A Movement in Aid of the Work
ing Woman:e Home.

The excellent and plsilanthropic institu-
ton known as the Working Womans
Home, having thoroughly commended
itself 10 x favorable consideration oil The
citizens of AsdaIia, aud general interest
being ielt in its success and It's establish
ment on firm basis, several gentlemen
have inaugurated a movement to raise
funds for the somewhat depleted treasury
OF the home !; Accordingly a grand trot-
ting matinee has been srranged To take
place At Sichers' park next Friday, the odd
inst. There will he a grand race, mile
heats. lest three in FIVE, i'm which the we'll
known flyers owned by tie following named
gentlemen, will he entered and driven
BY them John X. Skinner, W. u. Tgen-
fritz, Sam Bighleyman, George T. Brown,
Chas G. Taylor, Mr.. Hawks, A. l.. Good
win and b. B. Lyon.
Sicher Brothers have generosity don atet
the Use OF the park for the occasion.
An exciting race and good time may
be anticipated Admiion only % cents
let everybody whoenjoys an exhibition
Of fine and fast horse flesh come and enjoy
themselves, and at the same time have the
consciousness of aiding a most worthy
enterprise.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
Circuit Court.

La the case al Chaney -. P-iiis County
bank, The motion ior change of vrnu- filed
by The defendants was granted. and li,e
case sent 10 johnson county.
The principal business ni the term being
concluded. Judge Sirorh-r, FRIDAY evening,
returned home MIR. Henry i.rmsn WAS
appointed special jnsige Tor the remainder
of the term. The only object for extend
ing the term Is &" give the sheriff an OPP
porluniry to make advertised sizes, and la
hear The argument on a few motions.
About 10 O'Clock Yesterday morning
court adjourned until o'clock tomorrow
morning.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
Fessler frustrated.

Some days ago, DIR. Frank h Fess'er IVES
arrested on a warrant sworn ont bv Frank
NJ Young, charging Fessler with making
an assault on the complainant, with the liz
tent To do him great bodily harm. Fcssler
was arraigbed on the charge before Squire
Webber, and took change of venue Ia
Squire Levens, before whom the case was
tried, resulting in Fessler being mulcied in
the SUN of 81 and costs. In order TO get
even, FeAsler swOre out a warrant against
Young, preferrine counter charges, accus-
ing Young of disturbing the peace. The
disturbance of the peace of which Young
was guilty, as shown in the hearing of the
case before Squire We her, Yesterday,
consisted i'm hi. dnnning The doctor ~ for
-n odd bill. which az n,ld against him for
painlrns d,ur. tnnrdirgly, the charge
again>; I"ung WAS dismissed.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-09-19
TAFFY FOR THE INGIN.
What Will Knott Has to Saw of
of the Manager of the
BazOO.

J. West Goodwin, of the Sedalia BAzoO
and Col. Bacon Montgomery, we'll known
newspaper writer, also of Sedalia, passed
through the city Monday night, headed ior
the west.
Mr.. Goodwin stepI~'d from the ear plat
form and said ''heilur To- every one who
looked hi, way. But those who had be-
come familiar with the big white hat and
serrsucker suit, wears ago, failed TO recog-
nizs him. He WIS in Iuil ciiizeB's dress
But he talked Oh, ana a. the folks about
the depot learned who he WAS th-y would
slide oh and ask: why is j. West food
win i'm Disguise >"
''tioiug to Joplin on business "trip.
This newspaper work Is terrible hard.
Bacon Montgomery Is On the train"
Where is he going?"
Kansas or the Indian Territory Con,
know jus, where. Did YOU know there
MAS To I've a new paper started at Sedalia ~
"Ies, said the Mail nan. "Heard some
thing oil il, but noihing definite. What
about it?'
major Edwards and Bacon Montgomery
are To lie the founders. and il Is &c appear
the last Of mex; week or the tirst of the
week following. IL Is jo he morning
paper. These are the reports that have
heard of il F"
Then he talked To the station agent !;
answered questions for the passengers !;
drew mp chair and wanted To know what
WAS going on in Nevads.
Mr.. Goodwin is a true type of the pro.
iessional printer; yet he don't drink, and
though he continuously carries a cigsr in
his month hs no yer Sn,nEes Hss tsfah-
lishesi himself a. Sedalia i'm 1856, on cash
capital Of about twenty-five cents. aud now
lac has one Of the finest job printing esish
iishmenl in the state-tO saw nothing of
his newspaper office-and works q force OF
about thirty hands.
Good night, will stop of and see you
some time," said Mr.. Goodwin. as the con-
ductOr called out, "all aboard" Then he
climbed ON and the train pulled out. -
Nevada Southwest Mail.