The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-12-14
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The man who was hanged at the
yard-arm had his obituary under the :.
head of ..Shipnoose. Boston CONNER
ciaI Bulletin.
Query: If Atlas was able to sup
port the world on his shoulders, tits also
to be inferred that he was equally conn
chin.-Ihe Judge.
"A Chicago man delayed mailing
letter to the President until he could find
the street and number of the White
House, so that the missive would not
miscarry. Free Press.
Mistress to new cook-.On Wednes-
days and Saturdays shall go to market
with YOU" New Cook-"Very well,
mum, but who's a goin' to carry the
basket, mumP'-Quiz.
-..Ella, my child, said prudish old
maid to pretty niece, who would curl
her hair in ringlets, ''if the Lord had in
tended your hair to be curled, he would
have done it himself" $50 he did.
Auntie, when I was baby; but he
thinks I am big enough now to do Tiny
self"
Plantation philosophy: De Shang-
high chicken minds me OBJ certain men
dat Use seed. He crows mighty loud
| an brags around 'mong de hens an
young chickens, but when game rooster
comes around he's got business on de
udder side OBJ de fence.-Arkansa,o
Traveller.
"A preacher raising his eyes from his
desk in the midst of his sermon, was
paralyzed with amazement to see his
rude boy in the gallery pelting the hear
ers in the pews below with horse-chest-
nuts. But while the good man was pre-
pairing frown of reproof, the young
hopeful cried out: "You tend to your
preaching, daddy; r Il keep 'em awake"
Chicago Tribune.
-"Has yer got any chilluns in dis
heah house?" asked Matilda SNOWFALL OF
an Austin lady to whom she wanted to
hire herself as cook and wash-lady. 81
have only one child-a little baby"
''Den amt gwine ter hire myself to no
family whar dar am no chilluns, or whar
de chilluns am so small dat all de stealin'
and de breakin' OBJ de dishes am put of
on me. e."-Teras Siftings.
Some one has written the Lord s
prayer on a piece of glass not larger than
the head of a pin, which can be easily
| r6aQ CQrOugQ d microscopic VIC uOh
believe it will fill long-felt want. The
thousands of people in this country who
won't read the Lords prayer when it is
printed in small plea type may tackle
kindly to this microscopical scheme, but
we doubt it.-NorristoO Herald.
They were raised in Austin, but she
did not know much about gardening; at
the same time she did not care to expose
herignorance to her husband. They had
only been married short time, when he
said: "I notice the asparagus is about
ripe-don't you want to go out into the
garden and get some?" 'She replied:
"ru tell you what we will do. We will
90 out together. You climb up and
Shake the tree and I'll catch them in my
apron as they fall" Teras SJtings.
"A man recently fell down. He was
a large individual and took up lots OF
sidewalk, and bystander thought it the
proper time to befunny. ''How did you
come to fallP" he inquired. "On bit OF
lemon-'' "Yes, sir; on a bit ol
lemon" replied the corpulent one. 'Bui
see no lemon" replied the funny man.
"Well, who said you couldP" savagely
roared the corpulent individual, as he
got up and busted himself off with his
handkerchief. .Can any one see the
lemon in half a dozen cocktails, say?
, | rb;,o1n TS,o3oe