West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-01-13
HUNOROUS.

A Chicago woman wrote 10 her friends
that "she lived in Hyde Park" When
they came to visit her they found the
artless thing out at the stock yards.
Ia the street car: Bloude-"They say
Carrie is engaged" Brunette-"Eugaged!
Why, she was married a month ago, and
has just sued for q divorce" Blonde
"How romantic! Isn't it s~plendid?"
10 March, 1853, the Rev. Moses shinn
made this prayer as Chaplain Of the Iowa
House: Great God! Bless the young
add growing State of Iowa; bless her
Senators and Representatives, her Gov
ernor and State officers. Give US a sound
currency, pure water and undefled relig-
ion. For Christs sake. Amen!"
a young man living 10 Loadville shipped
20 hrs little brother in 81. Louis. as a
Christmas present, a choice donkey Of
the diminntive species known es the Mex
lean buFro. The agent, in making out his
manifest, concluded that ''burro" meant
bureau, p and reported accordingly to his
superior, zone bureau missing snd one
jackass over"
What Is a promise, my boy?" saked g
school teacher, whose reputation for hon
esty was not of the best, 10 one of his
younger scholars. IL don't know, SIR
timidly replied the youngster. "Well,
suppose you should come 10 collect a bill
OF me, and | should tell you TO call around
the next day and l would pay you, what
would that be?' 81 think it would be a
lie, sir!"
A Southern paper intimates that Mr..
Hayes saved $109, 800. so out of the 5000
OOO,O 90 which he drew in the foar years
OF his Presidential occupation, and hat
he would have saved the odd 5Ocents if he
had lot, during a temporary alteration Of
mind, given il to the porter Of a Pullman
palace car, TO be sure, he instantly re-
pented when his intellect became clear,
but the porter would not refund.
n little girl in Hartford, Conn, was
sent to a store the other day to buy some
lace. The clerk, after putting up the
package said: "Well, there is one and
a-half yards of lace at ten cents a yard.
Haw much does it come tor" To which
the miss pertly replied: "Well, I'm not
goiug to tell; l have to study arithmetic
all the rest of the week, and Pm not 60
ing to bother my head with it on Satur-
dsys."
An smusing incident occurred at Fincas.
tie, Virginia, during the last term of the
Botetourt County Court. A jury was
empanneled TO try one Bolen, charged with
an assault on j. G. Sperry; the latter tel-
'ifYi z IA the case. After ~ days del!b-
Grafton the jury returned Toto Court with
a verdict of manslaughter! 1t would be
hard to picture the scene that followed.
The bar was convulsed, the dead man.
smiled audihlv, Judge Palmel looked On
for a moment in mute astonishment and
then hid behind his newspaper.
The Arkansas Gazette says that an old
coloTed man, who had Just sold his cotton,
limped along a Little Rock street, and
overtaking several co!orcd women whu
had refused to marry him, the old man ex-
claimed, "Suthin's been ur hurtin' my feet
all day" and removing one Of his shocs.
he shook out a $50 gold piece. "Suthin's
been hurtin' dis foot too" he continued.
and removing the other shoe, took out an
other $40 gold piece. "Dis beats any town
l eber seed. A man can't walk roun'
without gettin bis shoes full Ob gold. Hit
reminds me Oh de New Jerusalem"
A crude old farmer, living on the line Of
one of the recent railroad surveys, aud
who 10 owner of a barn of large dimsn
sions, with huge swinging doors on both
sides. observed a posse of surveyors bust
y driving a row of stakes through his
premises that extend to the very centre
OF his big barn. Sauntering leisurely
toward the treSPsssers, with an air SAVIOR.
ing somewhat of indignation, he address-
ed the leader of tire gang az follows:
"Liyin' eout another railroad?"
Surveying for one, was the reply.
Coin threw my barn?"
Cant eco how We can avoid it,"
wall, now, mister" said tine worthy
farmer, 81 calKerlstc I've got sumthin' teH
say bout that. 1 want you tew under
stan that I've got sumtbin' else tew dew
besides runnin' out tew open and shet
them doors every time a train Yartc tew
go threw"