Connecticut western news., 1882-01-25
WIT AND WISDOM.
WHAT is that which is often found where it is not Fault.

| WHAT IS that which IS often touno where it is not ?-Fault.
 THE Ono farmers ere barbarians; some of them shock a cornfield by their actions.
 IF THE virtue that brings happiness to some is genuine, give us something that is adulterated. -Hartford Sunday Jour nal.
 BOILING hair in a solution of tea will darken it, says an exchange; but some folks don't like their tea darkened in that way.
 THE Czar has succeeded in maintain ing absolute monarchy. But he is afraid to come out and see how it is get ting along.
 A YOUTHFUL Pennsylvania granger, about to be chastised by his father, called upon his grandfather to protect him from the middle man.
 A MAN no sooner makes up his mind to send ton of coal around to @ poor widow than the weather becomes very warm and charity stays at home.
 A NEW YORKER who has travelled all over Turkey says that no Turk ever cares two cents for his wife until he finds that some other man cares three MORMON women do not keep open house on New Years day, and they never look for anything in their stock ings on Christmas. They have all they can do to be Mormons.
 "How did you travel, Jones, when you were in India ?" ooh, by the trunk line, principally" This is re- garded by the friends of the aforesaid Jones as an elepbantine joke.
 EVERY circus in the land will have 'sthe handsomest woman in the world" next season, and ugly women will stand some show to get company home from prayer meetings and ice-cream festivals. A MAN at Cedar Rapids, Ia., discov- cred his servant girl trying to start fire with kerosene oil. He boxed her ears, and when she had him arrested for as- sault and battery the jury acquitted him.
 Zeros SSftings makes solemn aver ment that the most truthful and unobtru- sive man in the community will, in one week after he becomes the owner of 8 setter dog, develope into a talented, gaudy and ostentatious liar. THE RATES of postage in Mexico are higher than any other country on the globe, but why any one in Mexico should ever want to send or receive let ters is 8 conundrum. If they attend to their rebellions that's enough.
 A NEW YORK sea captain who has been afoat for more than forty years says he never yet heard sailor use such expres- sions as 'shiver my timbers" or "Bless my toplights." A sailor says "Gosh hang it." as often as landsman.
 A MAN one morning received note from merchant asking him to come and settle forthwith. He seemed pug zled for moment, and then entered the house and said to his wife, "Betty, what day does forthwith fall on ?" Nellie has four-year-old sister Mary, who complained to mamma that her "button shoes" were "hurting." "Why, Mattie, you've put them on the wrong feet" Puzzled and ready to cry, she made answer, "What'l do, mammaP They's all the feet I've got l"
 SUMMING UP"-Captain ''What is the charge, sergeant ?" Sergeant: "This time it's drunkenness, sir. But this man is the most troublesome fellow in the regiment, sir. He goes out when he likes, and gets drunk when he likes; in fact, he might be @ horicer I'- Punch.
 A LOWELL firm recently sent lot of bills West for collection. The list came back with the result noted against each name, one being marked dead. Three months after the same bill got into new lot that was forwarded, and when the list came back the name was marked ''still dead"
 A GENTLEMAN in Paris advertised for domestic that was neat. There came to him & man with blue spectacles. "Your eyesight is bad ?' suggested the gentleman. "No," replied the appli- cant, "not at all, but clean silverware till it shines so brightly that I am ob' liged to wear glasses to protect my eyes,"
 IN summer the mosquito,
 The petulant mosquito, Around you comes a-buzzing,
 And makes you sad appear;
 But in the windy winter
 It is the airy snow-ball
 That skins along the highway
 And takes you on the ear.
 Puck.
 MIR. SnoBsoN walked into the police office, Saturday, and complained to the officer in charge that the star route thieves had broken into his house and robbed him. "How do you know that they were star route thieves ?' in quired the fficer. Because" replied the old man, "they stole everything I had didn't leave me one single thing. |" There was no getting around that kind of logic.-Rochester E1press.
 A MISSOURI paper tells of a farmer who owed Walt Perkins twenty-five dol lars, and had owed him for years. One day he met Walt and said : "Don't be uneasy, Walt. have the thing all fixed by which can pay you" Walt asked him how he had got it fixed, and