The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1882-11-17

Never allow the fact 10 escape your
notice that when the Lord made man
he made two ears but only one
tongue.
Sleep walking used 10 be consider
ed strange thing, but, since police
men de II and draw pay FOR Il at the
same time, the novelty has worn
off.
Upon writer claiming that his
works contained much "foed for
thought, friend remarked "Thst
may be 50 but II Is wretchedly cook
ed.l'
A norih.country hshwIfe went 10
buy dress. ''None Of your gaudy
colsr1 for me-" she said at once 10 the
man at the counter "gIvo me plain
red and yaller."
You never know hnw much water
an umbrella Is capable Of contaIuIng
until you accidentally stand II up
against and on tho pearl carpet that
cost . per yard.
'Harry, you ought not 10 throw
away nice bread like that I; you may
want II sorae day" "Well, mother,
should I stand any better chance Of
getting II then, 10 I ate now"
An officer In battle happening to
bov, q cannon ball passed over his
head, aud took Oft the head Of Il SOL
dIer, who stood bohInd him. "You
see," said he, "that = man never
loses by polIlenesa."
An agricultural fair Is horse race,
with the exception OF an address on
farming that Is mado by the lawyer
who gets his work In as u political
candidate, though he knows nothing
about the farm.
A medical man once told YOltalre
that he had made one OF his charac-
ters live too long after receiving q
certain wound. True" replied the
wit, shut ysu should rec ,lloct he was
not attended by O physician"
A lady put her watch under he
pillow the other night, but couldn't
keep II there, because II disturbed
her sleep. And there all the time
was her bed ticking right under her,
aud she never thought Of II at sll.
A quaInt old IulHIster WAS once
asked what he thought of his two
sons, who were both preachers.
"well," he replied. "George has a
better show In his shop window than
John, but John has larger stock In
his warehouse"
A little boy went TO shop ioF
some eggs. Before reaching home
he dropped them. In answer to hi.
mother, who asked, "Dld you break
any ." "No, / dIdn't break any
but the shells came OF from some
Of them"
A small boy In Maine listened de
murely to the story Of Samson's tying
the fire-brands to the tails OF foxes
and then sending them through the
PhIllIstInes' corn, at the conclusion o.
the narrative asked innocentlyi
"Auntie, did IL pop 20
A candidate for appointment to {
civil service clerkship was asked
"How near Is the sun 10 the earth p
al can't exactly say" he re
piled, "but am sure It isn't near
enough to interfere with my duties !
| I get the appointment I want" HI
got II.
A fond father b0asted that hi
thought his son would bc sure :
| make o great sculptor. A neighbo
asked, "Does he show any signs o
talent for it?" "Heaps OF EN-" sail
the fond father, che 'chisels' hi
schooImates out OF all their play
things"
A correspondent asks .'Whs
time OF the year do the days begi
to shorten 2" When you have a not
| In bank. A note In bank Is the grea
annIhilator of time. The days ar
crowded together In thin layers, an,
the nights are like smear from
blacking brush.
"what have you that's goodf" sal
q hungry traveller, as he seated him
self at q table d'hote at Salt LAX
City hotel. "Oh," said the waiter
"we've roast beef, roast mutton, roa'
pork and broiled curlews." "What
q curlew 2" said the traveller. "Wh!
a bird something like o snipe.
Gould it fly ?" eyes" "Dld
have wings ~ "Yes." "Then
don't want any curle W. Anythin
that had wings and could Fly and di
not leave this country I don'tl var
for my dinner"