The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-05-31
COMIC COMMENTS.

4Il ----- fas HlHl
-Clenching his point |. Electricity, sir,
viii be the death of steam" But how do
YOU obtain all this electricity 2" " By steam"
ChariOdri.
Told the truth When We asked our
girl to marry as she said she didn't mind
and we have since found out that she didn't.
Toledo american. -
True benevolence: Fogg says he new
err finishes segar bat he thinks, s Another
temptation removed from the young men OF
America ?"-Boston Transcript.
-Discouraging matrimony: "And phat
wud We want SIGH man as Pathrick fur ?"
said Mrs. AIcGlone. "xs never cud thrust
him ont yer sight, onlisssye was wild him. "---
Boston Transcript. da
Bound to suit II is q Frenchman, mot
an Irishman, who advertises: A rare
chance. For sale Superb dining-room
furniture, genuine old oak warranted brand
new. - Boston Transcript.
Musical criticism AnsIndian chief In
Washington went TO see the Ideal Opera
Company. When M. w. Whitney gave q
particularly low note the chief said; ugni
him heap dug out y The Score.
Qualifying the negative: Mrs. Smith
(emphaticaliy) -"Poor Mrs Siren They
saw that she has been ordered to warmer
climate Do you think she viii go% "No,
not while she lives.,n Grip. 80
"A good idea; An Irish gentleman,
hearing of friend having stone comm
made for himself, exclaimed: BE me
sowl, an that's good idea! shure, an
stone coffin 'ad last man lifetime. = Hart
ford Times
The best of reasons: A story ia told
of an old gentleman who always took notes
of his minister's sermon and on one occasion
read them to the minister himself Stop,
stop. said he at the occurrence of certain
sentence. 81 didn't say that" 81 know
YOU didn't was the reply, 81 put that in
myself TO make the sense Golden
Rue. saas
--Shakespeare's Irish characters; (which
of Shakespears's plays do you like, Mr..
O'Flannigan ?" Well, like the Irish ones
the best" And which may those be, Mr..
O'Flannigan 2" g Are you SO Ignorant as
that me son2 Sure yer education's been
sadly neglected Why OyThello, Cory
O'Ianas, Mike beth and Katherine and Pat
Ruehid. "-Sprinafeid Republican.
From frying-pan to fire; A Memphis
darkey who had stolen mule tried to engage
lawyer who once saved him from prison.
The lawyer said he could not help him until
he paid his fee in the former case. Why
boss" exclaimed the disconsolate darkey,
81 stole dat mule specially to sell him and
pay you.n At last accounts he was still with
out a legal adviser. Boston Globe.
Thrift: Foote'S favorite butt was Gar
rick, whose thrifty habits he was constantly
turning into ridicule. One day while in
company with him, David, after satirizing
some individual, wound up his attack by
saying swell, perhaps before condemn
another should pull the beam out Of my
own eye" Foote replied: land SO you
would il you could sell the timber."-OM
Anect50te.
-Scriptural. There is wealthy brewer
in Montreal who built q church and inscrib-
ed on ii " This church was erected by
Thomas Nelson at his sole expense. He
brews Xxx" Some of the McGill College
wags got a ladder one night and altered the
inscription so as to make it read: This
church was erected by Thomas Nelson at
his souls expense. He brews XX."--Neie
York Post.
Washington's occupation An English
turfman visiting Mount Vernon engaged in
| preliminary remarks observed :" dare
say Mr. Washington didn't care much for
'oses. You cawnt tell me, suppose, II he
was never 'orse breaker ?" The virginian
| eyed him few seconds doubtfully and then
| answered II amt much on history, but to
the best of my recollection the General was
| q lion trainer - on6ury NeaOs
-Soapsuds reform A little boy has been
swearing, and mamma, to punish him, wash
ed thoroughly the inside Of his mouth with
soapsuds, to- as she explains to him,
" clean away the naughty words. "A few
days later, while passing the bathroom, she
sees the youngster with his face one mass of
slds and his mouth so full that she barely
understands the spluttering ordinations !:
"Getting them all out, mamma Swors i've
times yesterday pr Hartford Times. {.
Thought he heard something Where
is the use of making SO much fuss over the
little eccentricities of others at the table ~ ex-
claimed Fogg "Why should humans make
any more bother about such things