News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

| n LOONO luuJ bOiA6 aNNN ~
that silk dresses were being very much
worn, said that she knew it, for hers
had two or three holes in it.
THE anti-polygamy bill will, perhaps,
interfere with President Arthur's private
arrangements, inasmuch as rumor
credits him with contemplating matri-
mony with about dozen young ladies.
AN OLD woman, whose son worked
IN the Office of an old Jeffersonian
paper, complained that the other
printers used to "Jeff' 'er son out of
all his wages Cincinnati SATURDAY.
Night.
LITTLE BrownJug," the great PAGER,
has been sold for $21 900: 1t is a rather
hazardous investment. A little brown
Jug will throw man sooner or later,
and convert him into a pauper.-Nor-
rfStOo0n Herald.
ADAM, of all husbands, was the least
hen-pecked. Whenever Eve would begin
to remind him of his shortcomings, he
had only to say, Madame, hope you
haven't forgotten that little affair of the
apple, Courier Journal.
VARNIsH and putty-what would the
world do without them The one makes
the homely pine look like rosewood and
the other fills all the cracks. In poll
tics, in business, even in religion.
what could we do without varnish.
A NEW regime-Mr. Threefngers of
Washington, ID. c., gathered courage
the other day to say to Mrs. Three
fingers: a" Wife, must have that night
key now. This isn't Hayes administra-
tion. "-Louisvile Courier Journal.
AN EoU1vooAL compliment: "Im SO
glad to meet you here, Capt Spinks
and SO glad you're going to take me in
to dinner !" (Oapt. s. is delighted.)
YOU'RE about the only man in the
room my husband isn't likely to bo
jealous of r. (Capt. Spinks's delight is
no longer unmixed.)
AN OLD gentleman takes his family to
the artists studio where his portrait has
just been painted. "Very good l'
Chow life like'' and so on are the
comments. "Yes, says the daughter,
desirous of pleasing the artist, "you'd
almost say it had been done by
machinery-it's so exactly like him p
From the French.
TRADEsMAN Ito country customer who
has come to complain of the quality OF
his lucifer matches) -'Not light? Why,
have only to draw them smartly across
my corduroy breeches and they blaze
instantly" Customer-"Yes, but what's
that to meP I can't come matter O.
four miles for your old breeches every
time we wants light"
WHEN an Esquimau girl marries,"
said lecturer, "she cuts the hair of
the top of her husbands head, rolls it
up into ball and places it on the side
of her head, combing her own hair over
it. When his hair has grown again, she
again cuts it off and has roll for the
other side of her head. After she has
been married eight or ten years she bas
a formidable chignon. Now, I will
leave it to you, ladies, whether these
Esquimau girls got that custom from
you, or you got it from the Esquimaux."
C1Ass1cAL:-"Canst tell me, Brutus,"
queried Cassius, removing his Havana
from his lips to say it, "why our mutual
friend, Antonio, who, yesterday, feasted
upon his fattened Brahma chicken.
resembles the valiant Spsrtacus ?" $50
to-" replied Brutus, toying with his
revolver in a menacing way. 81 pray
you trife not with me. Thou knowest
/ l am not given to these trivialities."
sNay, but tell me-" continued Cassius.
Away, slight man" exclaimed Brutus,
when Cesar lived he dared not thus
have moved me-" $50 YOU give II 1P w.
"By my troth 1 do, and instantly"
''Well, then" said Cassius, sit is be-
cause he is glad he ate her." And
Cassius tripped lightly out of the tent.
just in time to escape the tip Of the en-
ragged Brutus's sandal.-Bo8ton Tran
script.
How PLEASANT it is to gaze on the
innocent amusement of happy child
hood There Is little Johnny playing
beside the newly painted fence. He
draws his dainty finger over the moist
surface, making beautiful arabesques
and undecipherable hieroglyphics that
would set an antiquary into Mysteries Of
Joy. Johnny's new suit is made pic
turesque by its borrowings from the
fence, and his face and hands are Ell
fectnally disguised in the pigment.
Happy, careless, innocent childhoodl
And here comes Johnny's mother.
How eagerly she seizes her darlingl
How closely she hugs him in her fond
embrace Now she has disappeared
with her darling within doors. What
are those sounds which issue thencef
It is Johnny's voice. Is he laughing
merriIy over the remembrance of his
recent sport? Possibly but it does
not sound like laughter. Again we say,
happy, happy Naturalization Tran
script.