Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-11-09
HnmOr of the Day.

"InereS always room at INC toP,
hummcd mosquito, as IL got its work
in on bald head.
"You're as sweet as peach, he said
patting her on the cheek. "Yes,' she
murmurred, smuggling still nearer him.
ppm clingJone."
1t was after having his eyes all sum-
mer outraged by the ubiquitou spolka-
dotted dress that Macbeth IN moment
of anger cried: "Out damned spot"
Under the circumstances you couldn't
blame him.
Walt Whitman excaims in one of
his poems: "Give me solitude" Very
easily obtained, sir. Start to take up
collection for the Washington monu-
ment.
"Do you buy your music by the rollY'
inquired young lady of the deacon's
daughter. "Oh, no, she replied. 81
always wait until Sunday and then |
get it by the choir.
Answer to stunning question:
"Why do women SO often wander aim
lessly in the murky solitudes of the
dead past, brooding over days forever
gomez" asks q correspondent. This is
indeed difficult question to answer.
There are no dry goods stores IN the
dead past.
A gilded youths conclusion: Said
the gilded youth-"Nhat's the use Of
my kicking about the price my tailor
sets on q suit of clothes? | used to do
it, but one day, after had argued a
couple Of hours with him, suddenly
thought that it was ridiculous waste
of time, as should never pay the bill,
anyhow"
Enlarging his practice; How is
your business now?" inquired gentle
man Of North Side physician. 'Im-
proving, thank you; improving very
fast; in fact, | may say that since |
have quit visiting patients | have ma
teria)ly enlarged my practice" "Why,
don't you visit patients any more?" in
auired the gentleman. "Then how
have you enlarged your prac tice?"
"Oh, stay in my Office aud sell school
children certificates that they have the
whooping couch and ought not to be
allowed to 60 to school
Sad accident; "a man while shaw
ing accidentally cut of his nose. In
his excitement he dropped the razor
and decapitated one of his toes. Hast
lily picking up the dismembered por-
tons of his anatomy he clapped them
to the bleeding wounds and bound
them on tightly. After the flesh had
grown fast and healed up he removed
the bandages and was filled with horror
when he found q welldeveloped toe in
lieu of nasal organ and vice versa.
Now, whenever he gets cold, he has
to remove his shoe and stocking in or
der to blow his nose.
One sweetly solemn thought
Comes TO us ore and ore
In heaven above, where all is love-
The sleepers never snore.
Huxley says there was a time when
men walked on all fours." He probab-
ly allades to that interesting time in the
early life Of us all when we approach
ed neIghbor's melon patch from the
back way.
"Hold up your hands, yelled the
western outlaw, as he boarded a palace
car and showed his pistols. Are you
road agent?' asked a frightened pas
senger. eyes" "Ihsnk heagenl fear
ed you werJ another porter
Unbridlel' "Why," said Fogg, 81
didn't suppose you had son so old %
that. wouldn't suppose it possible"
Don't flatter," replied the delighted
Brown, "you know l don't look so very
youthful" "Oh," said Fogg, quickly,
81 didn't compute your years by your
looks, but by yolr conversation"
with mirth andl laughter let old wrinkles
come. Shakespeare
Charming frankness: "You have pref.
sy teeth, Ethel" eyes, George, che
fondly lisped, "they were " Christmas
present from Aunt Grace"
Elasticity of the English tongue:
When a Boston young lady wishes to
express that she has the blues she says;
81 have azure distemper."
AS old as a circus joke; Plutarch's
advice to the unfortunate is very in
genious and ought to be consolatory.
Consider" says the philosopher, you
equal the happiest men in one-half of
your life at least--that half, mean,
which you spend IN sleep"
a uipp VI vi hCSo' iAAIi1St Alohl ~
French novel, where the hero is de-
scribing the first pout in the honey
moon: ooh, nonsense, my dear; you
are too exactingw said Alfred, dryly.
This dryness was the last drop in her
cup--Lucille burst into tears.
High art in the pocket-book sense:
Mrs. Parvenu was showing friend "a
picture she had "picked up" in Dres-
den, and the friend said it was lovely.
yes said Mrs. Parvenu, "isn't it ?
the frame cost my husband two hun
dred dollars"
A sharp darkey: One morning last
week some gentlemen observed ne
gro mailing an unstamped letter at the
postotfice. They asked him what he
meant by mailing unpaid letters,
"Oh,' replied the negro, Il does DAT
reg'lar.' "You do !" "Yesser; wen
de postmaster amt lookin' draps my
letter in; do dat often. | sabes de
postage, yer see. | jes write a letter,
don't put no stamp on to 1t and
l 1Aaf i