The Labor enquirer., 1882-12-30

CuhOLpu hnfO ioeo VI ihuoAh AoOAhA. f.
They've found out new way to make
humorists out west, When an editor wants
funny article he calls in a college student,
and asks him to write serious article, and
it's sure to be too funny for any thing.
Doctor" said Mrs. Pepper to her pastor,
edo you think little temper is wrong in
woman9n Certainly not" replied the
gallant clergyma "On the contrary it is a
good thing; and you should be careful never
to lose it." t~[.~ .'-..- -.8E
A Brooklyn police magistrate refused to
punish man who had foreibly kissed his
wife against her will. He held that a man
had perfect legal right to kiss his wife, aud
that two years separation did not vitia.e
that right. q. ~.
"How can keep the cattle from breaking
down the fence to get into the garden at
night ?" said an Austin man to neighbor.
"Thats easy enough" "But how can | keep
the cattle from breaking down the fence?"
"By leaving the gate open"
|, A hotel boaster, who was vaunting his
knowledge of the world before crowd of
new comers, was asked by wag at his elbow
If he had ever been in Algebra. "Oh, yes,
certainly" said he. 81 passed through there
on top of stage about year ago."
The director of the Royal observatory in
Milan has discovered lines on the planet
Mars, and suggests that these lines may be
canals Until he solemnly AYERS that he has
heard the drivers swearing at the mules his
theory will not be generally accepted in the
Mohawk valley.
The sting of bee, it is said, when com
pared with the point of fine needle under
powerful magnifying glass, is scarcity
discernable. But the trouble is that when
man gets bee sting he fergets to compare it
with needle hence it always is dscernable,
and by large majority.
1t took great deal of nerve on the part OF
Chicago clergyman who offciated at the
funeral of bank president, killed by team
to expatiate on the many virtues and glorious
examples set by the deceased. in view of the
fact that, at the eoroner's inquest, it was
shown that four aces were found in the dead
mans sleeve.
"Tis porr rule that does not work both
ways. Yesterday was at dinner party,
when glass Of wine was spilled ON the
| ~ md
no one said word. Subsequently the salt
dish was capsized, and | poured a glass of
wine on it, whereupon I came near being
thrown out of the house.
1t is said that along the coast of Newfound-
land devil fish with arms of unheardo of length
are so numerous that prudent men 60 back
ten miles in the country to get drunk. . Per-
hsps if all the residents along there were
prudent, and went oat of sight of the shore
to get drunk, there would be fewer reports of
big devil fish from that quarter.
The smallest county in Pennsylvania is the
most modest. Its strong point is its Lack o.
wannay. The most evenly bslarced county
Ill us pENuJ 6uu IoeS dCCOuuG 10 hOSC'Col IL
The rag pickers' county is Alley.gainy. The
most stalwarL county is Arm strong The
most disreputable' county is Snider. The
dead st county for education is SchUylkill.
A chap from the country seated himself in
one of our fashionable restaurants the other
day and began on the bill of fare. After
employing three walters for an hour he
heaved deep sigh and whispered as he put
his iuger on the menu "Mister I've ct thar"
and moving his finger to the bottom of the
DILL Get it amt agin the rule I'd like to skip
from that to thar"
An clipping couple arrived at Somerset,
Indiana, to find that the only persons in
official life there were the justice of the peace
and the postmaster, and that the former
functionary was absent from the village
Hhereupou they went to the postms ster, who
looked over his instructions, failed to find
any postal regulations prohibiting him from
performiug a marriage ceremony, and con-
sented to act. His concluding words were
You are married, sir and madam, according
10 the postofice laws of the United States Of
America"
The pretty custom of parents addressing
each other as papa" or mama" in the
presence of their children soon becomes 8
cor frmed habit, even when the young tiers
are not around. Some time ago we'll known
New Yerk journalist, with his wife, acted as
sponsors at the christening of child, and at
the conclusion of the ceremony, the minister
asked "Mr. Blank, what is your wife's
Christian nsme?" The newspaper man
hesitated, stammered, and then turned to his