News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-05-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

morning be turn out"
"OH, for better half r said the sor-
rowing widower when he found coun-
terfeit fifty-cent piece among his
ge.-Cambriage Tribune.
IT was Sydney Smith who retorted
upon some one who had called him an
every day man: "WelI, if L am an
everyday man, you are weak one"
The mistaken reverence which trusts
to the hem of Christ's garment is better
than the supercilious wisdom which re-
Jccts Christ Himself. H.-Lyman Abbott.
LUTHER said "If a man is not hand
some at twenty, strong at thirty, learned
at forty, and rich at fifty, he will never
be handsome, strong, learned or rich in
this world.
BABNUM having secured Jumbo,
Forepaugh is now looking for an attrac-
ton that will excel it. If he wants a
bigger English elephant" than Jumbo,
let him bring over ireland. -Norristoa0n
| Herald.
1T is quite common for boy to mis-
behave when people are looking at him,
for the more fun Of shocking them.
But man is not a boy. He knows
better, and acts badly only when people
are not looking.
TEACHER elbow does the earth alb
sorb water ?" Pupil Like a dog"
Teacher: "How do you make that out %
Pupil "Don't we read of the lap of
the earth?" Teacher "Go up another
grade"
A BOY having lost half of his kite.
string, added forty-ive feet, licked two
boys, dubbed dog and fell off fence
The string was then one-half its orig
inal length. What was the original
length
A MAN gives an order for seven tons
of coal and finds that he has only re-
ceived six tons and 100 pounds. How
much more is due him, and what'n take
to convince the dealer that he must
send it
The number of bones in man, we are
10 AtO. - ubu dlbCI Ok
a shad breakfast the number may be
increased to 250-if the man doesn't
choke to death on the fourth bone.-
NorristoWn Herald.
"I DO SO LIKE to talk to you," she
says, softly, in pause of the conversa-
tion, beaming on him and sighing.
"Why ?" asks the unsuspecting youth.
Because" she answers, gently, "be-
cause you are all ears ?"
Mr.. PRUDHoMArE instruets his grand
child "Grandpa, the sun is brighter in
summer than in winter, is it not ?"
Yes, and is warmer and enjoys better
health" Why does it enjoy better
health p Because it gets up earlier"
A LOT of st. Louis heirs were much
agitated by the unexpected reappear-
ance of supposed dead man whose es-
tate was being administered. The heirs
tried to smile and look glad to see him,
butit was terrible hard work. Boston
Post.
A NORTH CAROLINA Justice of the
Peace recently married couple as he
sat enthroned in state on the back of
mule, and the animal fer once realized
that there was bigger trouble going ON
than he could produce, and kept his
heels still.
THEY were seated on the sofa where
they had been seated for four long
hours. a aAugustus. do Won knnw WV
you REMIND me OF the Chinese 2, mo
dearest, why?' because you won't
CO." The meeting was adjourned sine
e.-RoehesterE Express.
s'JUsT taste that tea" said old Hyson
to his better half, at the supper table
the other evening. "Well, there does
not seem to be anything the matter
with it. I can't taste anything" 'tNei-
ther can 1, and that's what I'm growl-
ing at. "-Hackensack- Republican.
NINE American colleges have adopted
the Oxford cap. This is well. Hereto
fore about the only thing that distin-
guished a college student from other
people has been the bad spelling in his
letters home asking for money to ''buy
books. ."-Burdette.
LETTER from an indignant deputy to
the premier. 81 have the honor to in
form you, sir, with all frankness and
honesty, that as you have declined to
appoint my brother-in-law to the Office
I had asked for him, hereafter In voting
I shall be compelled to obey the dictate
of my conscience"
COMING events, etc. North country
magnate Ito tenant farmer): "Well,
Mr.. Cluff, we're going to have an cleo
ton. How do you-hum-wha do you
think about it?" Farmer (warily):
"Think about it, sir? Whaay 1 thinks
shall be shakkin' hands wi some great
foalks vary shortly !''-Pu'ach.
OLD Mr.. Hazlett, of Oregon, thought
he was going to die, and in order that
his heirs should have nothing to quarrel
over, he burned $22, 900 in greenbacks.
He didn't die after all, and now, when
his heirs see him saving wood to earn
his bread, they naturally feel that theE
are ahead of him.
WARNING to Poets-John "a neigh
bor), "Thae tell me, Jess, that yer
cousin Wullie's ava ia the mad-house."
Jess: "Deed it's owre-true. 1t was wi
study" John ooh, was he comm oot
for minister?" J8ss "Oh, no, but
he wrought on an made poetry, an the
ends wadna come tcht, an that put
him wrang."
The doorkeepers of the Senate, whose
work consists in Herculean efforts to
keep awake, receive twice the salary OF
the life-saving service men who brave
wind and wave in their humanitarian
cause. There are lots of things that
don't balance in this world, and this Is
one of them.-Ne,0 Haven Register.
M. is A mining company
1t has cer-tif-i-cates,
Aud shares, and directors.
Where is the mine?
do not know.
Has it treas-u-ryS