Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1882-11-02
poLLYG0RDON'S PREMIUM FARMER

POLLY GGRDON'S PREMIUM FARMER
Polly Gordon was an old maid living in Kan
sas; sire Wa 10. born there, for the State has
not been long enough settled, and l will not
mention the pace of her uativiy-but lest the
excusabe State pride of Ohio people be hurt,
vii. say !. WAS not Ohio; aud yet she had ener-
gy enough ct any hard work that offered itself
to en'itle her 10 tie preSidency,lf women were
eligible to that position. She was able bodied,
and in her way, strong minded, even to obsti-
macy Though she didn't bieve in them
Simmin's rights wmmin she had heerd tell
Of" she always voted in school meeung-the
Kansas law gives that privilege to women
''because II they mean 10 waste the peoples
money on too much schooIln' and high edlca-
tin I'm goin' 10 do all / kin TO prevent it."
was her reason for voting.
She wore her dresses made in the style that
prevailed when she first put on long dresses,
and her scauEy hair from one years end to
ether WAS twisted in q little round knot and
pinned on top of the back of the head. ''The
fashions kin come round to me when they want
to; I've time, and amt goln' TO run round
after EN-" was her ilyariable reply when
some friends dared to suggest an improving
change. Her highest ambition on the wom-
only side of her nature was to have the finest
colored striped rag carpets, the incest drawn
In rugs OF impossible roses and improbable
cats; the whitest clothes and llghtest bread of
any housekeeper.
She carried on little farm, and among
farmers it was her boast and pride that her
calves were biggest, and pigs latest; that her
corn yielded most to the acre, and she never
lost chicken or turkey by pip or cholera.
She could scarcely read or write, despised
"book-lsrnin' as no count toward gettin'
Glong," and took no interest in the world out
side beyond the price Of her crops and the
groceries she had to buy.
Mrs. Prudence Volney, for the last four
years PClly's neighbor also living on farm-I
may fearlesslv add that she was from Ohio
was refined, intelligent woman, very fond Of
reading, and Polly was always lecturing her on
her expensive tastes.
"I do think it's too foolish in you to waste
your money that way, and spend your time,
700. You pay out enough hard cash every year
for such trash as would buy two or three fat
calves; if you'd done that way, countin' the
material increase, you'd had herd Of cattle
by this time, instid of all this litter Of books
an papers; an you might drawn in o dozen
rugs just like mine!"
Mrs. Volney took this advice from Polly in
good part, for the maiden lady was really kind
hearted and well-disposed, too ignorant of eti-
quette and propriety,, or the most common
things belonging to cultured, and might add,
civilized life, to be aware Of the impertlnence
of her suggestions.
So great was her prejudice against newspa-
pers and books, as wholly useless, that, while
70 I06 llE,QLlnS-rOC, sewing machine ana p6I-
ent pump man she would give not altogether
impatient hearing and examination of his
wares, the mild-mannered book or newspaper
agent, with chrome attachments, was sure to
receive a severe mo, sir; you need not trou-
BILE yourself to take step inside; I've no time
to look at such thrash, an no money to throw
away on 1t; an If you want piece of my mind
Pill tell you you'd better pitch into hard work
than to go round in such low business" and as
she always gave call to the dog, who stood by
srinning with white teeth that added to the eff
feet of Polly's remarks, the agent mildly said,
"GCod morning" and retired, crab wise, with
meek side glances IN the dogs direction, and
never came again.
But Polly was human and woman, and in
State where men do go much more abound
than the other sex, she had scarcely wondered
why, with so many substantial attractions of
farm stock, full cribs and fat turkeys, her
strong bony hand had not been sought in
matrimony. As she grew older and accumu-
lated more, she often felt the disadvantage of
not being around as to know the price of
things, but she was entirely ignorant of the
value or use of newspaper in giving her the
information she wanted Besides, she wearied
of tending ner stock and holding the pillow, ard
1t ve1ed her Sui more to pay her hard-earned
cash to some indifferent man, whom she feared
or knew slighted his work, or in some way
cheated her.
One day while chaffering about pillow, she
noticed on the premium list of the conf ng
county fair:
BEST loaf of wheat bread So, and Kansas
Farmer for one year"
The last clause very much puzzled her, but
abe concluded that even for year the farmer
was well worth trying for, and he might be sc
well suited he would be willing to stay life
time.
Mrs. Volney came in day or two after.
"Have you heern tell Of the premiums vii
for the falr?"
Eyes; 1 have list"
thny t-,rl1
farmer for the best loaf of light bread?'
81 presume 80, and am half inclined to send
IA loaf"
81 should think you'd most be aahamed tc
say so, and let folks know it"
Mrs. Volney never dreamed of Polly's mis-
taken notion IN regard to the farmer" and
thought she meant she took so many papers
she ought not to be 30 extravagant as to wan
smother; and she was greatly astonished at the
blush that crawled up over Polly's freckleo
face and lost itself in the roots of her scanty
tightly-draYn hair, as she hesitatingly wen
on:
''Well, to tell the truth, I'd like both mighty
well myself; moneys always handy, and the
farmer'd be convenient In the house and out OF
door, too. There's some things about farming
don't know, and, being just alone by myself
I can't look after everything and 60 round
too, and fad out about things. and 80 gel
taken in. Do you s'pose 1 could have the
farmer longer if it suited all round?" she
asked auXiously
''Of course the publishers would be glad for
you to have it ali the rest CT your life if you
wanted itlp
Publishers" was an unmeaning word to
Polly, but she had dim recollection of hear
ing in her early youth about something called
publishing ths bans" that was connected with
matrimony; and thai Mrs. Volney spoke of the
"farmer'' as 't' soothed her maidenIy mod
esty, for as said farmer was only suppose.
bic case she could not vet bring herself to the
familiarity Nf the tsheN and fthlnli the
wife of several years gives to the husband o.
her youth, as il there were but one masculine
in the worldi
Mrs. Yolnev was delighted that after all hel
invectiVes and declarations, Polly had becom.
reconeiled to the idea OF even having paper
in her house, and in trying to steer clear of any
discussion, she led poor Polly further astra,
by saying:
''On, yes, the Farmer would be so mucl
help to you in giving the prevailing prices al
over the State; in that way you know wheI
corn, butter, stock and poultry advancing
and the best time to sell. Other
wise, we women, tied to the house
not able to be out and learn about things as
men do, are at the mercy of spectators, who
come round, and taking advantage of our ig
norance, buy our things and take all the profits
themselves. y
''Thats So" said Polly, sadly ST sold some
of my corn, last week, five cents on the bushe
too low.n
sIf you had had the Farmer you would have
known corn was fast advancing and held on
knew it, and SO was saved"
'Do you s'pose if get the premium Il have
the Farmer in time for fall plowing?"
Mrs. Volney did not see the connection, an6
was greatly puzzled to understand Polly's agi
tation, but attributed it to her embarrassment
for this sudden conversion and confession Of
faith IN newspapers, and answered.:
30. yes, you will get the money and Farmer
os soon as the fair is over"
hey To-, ~, IL. Isrf A-r-