News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-04-27
THE LIME.K KILN CLUB.
A Man One Does not Like to Meet.


From the Detroit Free Press.
The blowing of nose in the northwest
corner of Paradise Hall finally came tc
an end, and when Trustee PulIback haG
flung his whole soul into one grand
effort to cough his head off, and failed
Brother Gardner arose and said f:
'My kentrymen, when you meet 6
man who knows jus whar he kin borroy
dollah-who has friends in boat politi
cal parties--who gets Invitations to al
church festiyals-who am ginerally
spoken of as a good feller, you have
foun' man who makes study OF
human natur'. De student of anatomy
carves up a eadaver to diskiver how de
bones am put togeder-whar de muscles
ie--how de vital organs am nailed on.
De good feller studies de livin' stead
of de dead-de mind stead of the body.
De human mind am full O. cons. Tread
on one of 'em an dar' am a Blackjack
shun to once. If I should want five
dollah bill airly Monday mornin' I
should slip over an AK Deakun jackson
for it. His big con am de belief dat no
one kin he saved onless he am baptized
in de riber, and l have bin keerful to
walk all aroun' dat con. I go ober to
his house with jug O. cider in one
han an baptismal arguments in de od-
der, an sometimes he feels so good dat
he'd like to douse me in the rain bar'l.
"If wanted some onion sets I'd go
ober to Elder Tiffs'. DE Elders con
am a belief dat he was bon fur great
preacher. I've walked all ober him
hundred times, but Pze neber stubbed
my toe agin dat con. I've sot down
with him and praised de build of his
head, an de shape Of his mouth an bis
pose and gestures, and Ize stuck to de
char while he talked an cavorted fur
straight hour. II I wanted onions he'd
fall down cellar to git 'em fur me.
"When you come across a man who
imagines dat he am an orator, doan'
gibe his booms; it won't hurt anybody
to let him keep right on 1inkin' so, but
it will make him your deadly inimy if
you try to convince him dat he was cut
out fur blacksmif. Oar am people
who write stuff an call it poetry. Ize
got naybur who writ forty-four varses
of sich stuff las fall an read it to me
an axed my candid opInyun. Did I
tell her it was bosh? Did I jump frew
de winder when she reached de second
varse? Not much! I listened wild de
utmost diligence, an when she finished
de las line advised her to publish
book of poems De mex week L fell
an dat poetess was fust on de group'
wild chicken broth and currant jell.
"When meet a man who has made
up his mind dat our city guv'ment will
go to smash if he doan't git Office, I
him. 1 incourage the young
to become gtons-I incourage de
ole to hang on till de world has to rec
ognize DER greatness. A word at de
right time means de loan of dollar
means thirty off when you want new
brush-means a bushel of
lime free gratis-means recommend |
il you want to iine de purleece force.
Tech my CONS an I'll want to kick ye. |
All men am de same. Call 'em CONS
or call 'em hobbies, but he who goes
slashing around widout carin' whar he
puts his feet will make twenty in1mies
whar he gains one friend. Study your
man. Take him apart--put him to-
gether fin ont whar his cons lay, an
den step high an softly. Let us now
to bizness."