davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-15
Premature Joy.

Jim Hudson is known as ono Of the
worst bores in Austin, and he is always
trying to borrow money from his friends.
A few days ago, he appeared at the
counting room door of well-known
Austin merchant. and was told that the
proprietor was in the back Office and too
busy to sec anybody.
"Just tell him I am going away from
Austin, and as am never coming back,
l would like to bid him good bye"
"ln that case, exclaimed the candid
clerk, che will be delighted to see you,"
and he called the proprietor, who ex-
pressed great joy at bidding Jim Hud-
son goodbye"
"When do you leave, never to come
back?" asked the delighted merchant.
"NOt until | can make raise. Lend
me twenty dollars until sec you again"
- Terds Sitlings.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-15
1nE EsTco,RY.Ts.ltSs
" ii ss s. a
- G ,.sssTTFef Nd y
- -. -s.s--:- a. ---.:-.-zz-A
TABLEAEX.

The sun of Auste-lt- had set
Behind the p"ntrv door:
Eap1lcnn 81 Ind cleaning blade
And laid it on the II 'nr;
The Iron Mask took ~ hiS W!S~'
II hurt his ear ne nd:
And Queen Elizabeth removed
ThreaQuarters # her head.
The next thing wss Iniqutous,
Which seemed tn please them all;
And then we played The Pr liigl.
And then tauleau'd Tho Fsl:
Eu: Snpes who took This Serpents part
Got hungry. probably:
At least h. nte The Apple up
And 4uarrolei with tho Tr0o.
A Iarkv spirit was abroad.
Which spoiled the serious things,
And led tho girls to giIg,o ut
Apolyons awful wings;
And when the final scene was seo
or Mary Stuart death;
Poor Mary was In such gale
She couldn't catch hor breath.
A gloomy court, heaisman's block
All hung with weeds of woe,
An Executionor in black,
And taporS burning low;
A weird. funeral. SOLEMN scenO,
Impressive, gloomy. dark;
With all the tr'gic rctinue
Just bursting for lark.
Too bad! but Mary looked so sweet
And had such pretty hair.
The head .mnn leaned upon his ak
And kissed her plump AMI square;
Then Perky Jones, the cowled monk,
So grim, and stern. and slow,
Turned Somersauit5 across the block
Aud spoiled the whole tabioau.
Then buzz Of talk, and change of seats.
And daughters merry peal,
Broke up the show, and all tho boys
Took partners for reel.
And we at Jones Corners think
That trying tn be jolly
Is better. thirteen months a year,
Than limp. a.sthetio folly.
oGvtd L. Pr0ldft, IN the Century Dfdgdsins.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-15
The Boys Needed.

At present too many Of the boys ON
the farm. allured by the success OF .
few. are leaving the rural pursuits. and
seeking ''luck'' in the cities. They do
not seem to comprehend that the favors
of this blind deity only follow the cour-
ageous, self-reliant, honest ones, who
are not afraid to soil their hands at any
honest labor, who do not limit their
services to their employer to certain
hours of the day. There always Is .
good and profitable demand for such
boys or men in all branches Of trade.
They are wanted everywhere. The de-
mand never has and never will be sup
piled. Such boys or men can and do
win on the farm, and are certain to
come to wealth and eminence. It is
not worth while to desert the farm to
win.
But large number of what are called
farmers, but who really are not. need
not 60 to the city with the vain hope Of
more profitable employment. They are
of no account anywhere. They will
never win on the farm. nor anywhere
else. Thoy are of no use. except prob
ably to join the regular army. They
need never expect to find easy places to
make money in commercial or prOfes-
siOnal life. These departments are al
ready filled by the ablest and sharpest
men, and there are no more lucky
places lying around loose. II
one has the vim. the pluck. the honesty
and talent, he is sure to win. NO matter
where he is. on farm, in commerce or
profession. They cannot be kept down.
and no one wants to do it.
The men who are now in successful
life. in any department Of industry, were
originally clear-headed. practicsl and
successful hoys, and could be trusted
and relied on wherever placed. Men
who have q clever conception of their
own abilities and moral stamina-who
recognize the fact that the prizes of
life are only won by hard work, and
who are willing to 60 to work courage
ously and manfully, will win as certain
as any problem in mathematics. But
unless you have these golden merits.
do not leave the farm to find a soft
place in the city or the public works.
If you have no brains do not put your.
self where brains are needed.
Ii you have neither integrity or per-
severence. crowd not into positions
where such valuable qualities are do.
manded. There is just as wide q field
for wealth and distinction for the edu.
Gated and enterprislng agriculturist, as
for the druggist, tho merchant, the
LAWYER. or tha doctor. You see at pres.
ent the busy crowd of men in the CITY
who appear prosperous and happy. But
If you want to learn the true history Of
commercial. professional and political
men for half century. sit down and
converse with q candid and careful man
OF seventy years. and ascertain from
him tho field and occupation tho most
certain for permanent comfort, pros
perity. or even wealth.. They will tell
you that the honest. faithful mon. who
carefully and intelligently pursue any
business. are the men who most gener-
ally win honor, comfort and a compel.
ence, who are respected while living,
and who leave precious records for
their ohildren.-lo'ca State Regisser.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-15
Saying Grace.

Charles Lamb has said truly: "The
form of the benediction before eating
has its peculiar beauty at poor mans
table, or at the simple and unprovoca.
tive repasts of children. 1t is here that
the grace becomes exceedingly graceful.
The INDECENT man who hardly knows
whether he will have meal the next
day or not sits down to his fare with
present sense of the blessing which can
be but feebly acted by the rich, into
whose mind the conception of wanting
a meal could never, but by some ex-
treme theory, have entered"
When DR.. Johnson was asked wheth-
er he ever sshuffed" his wife about din
ner he answered: $50 often that at last
she called to me when about 10 say
grace, NAY, hold M. johnson, do not
make n farce of thanking God for din
ner which in a few minutes you will pro-
nounce uneata5le.'"
The moment of absolute silence and
respectful attention which the custom OF
saying grace sactions is in itself good
thing-a moral decorum of value to
good breeding. Even the baby who
won't shut her eyes when 'papa talks to
his plate" learns to compose her over.
flowing spirits for the occasion. The
scrabbling boys must wait decently, and
if In addition to the moment of tempo
raj rest a fair benediction like brood
ing dove hovers tenderly over thankful
hearts is 1t not n picture OF sweet and
spiritual beauty? No doubt there may be
moments of distraction when the good
| s.. l, =, Ioa - l.
ticularly thankful for what is set before
him, like the old character in the
couplet:
"Two fish for four OF US,
Thank God there's no moro OF us"
or who may be impatient to begin, like
the hungry man who addressed the
first of his speech to the Deity and the
last to his wife:
"Lord. Thy servants feed and bless;
(Who coJkod up this Internal messy
Detroit Post a,Il Tribune.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-15

"A Cincinnati woman desired to
communicate by telephone with her
husband who was in the pest-house, and
got newspaper reporter to manipulate
the instrument for her because she was
afraid Of catching the smallpox over
the wiraa.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-15

Fish stories are always in order.
German naturalsts have found fishes
that sing. bark. whistle and grunt The
discovery should be great comfort 70
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-09-15

An Indiana inventor has patented q
st t.aw-stacking maehins.-Ssass Ssns8
nsl.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
Men and Women.

Although both sexes are bound by
the same code of morals, there appears
to be two states of morality. One for
women and one for the men; and
women have instituted these two states.
In her ignorance and blindness she tol-
crates in men that which she condemns
in her own sex. A man may go
wherever bis passions or inclinations
lead him, yet he is coddled, flattered,
smiled upon and recognized in society.
He may be addicted to the vice, yet
he finds no difficulty in effecting a
passport into the society of pure
women, or being admitted to the homes
of respectable families But how is it
with a woman7 If she has strayed
from the path of virtue, or has been
sought, won, ruined aud forsaken, is
there hand in kindness held out to
lead her back to the paths of rectitude?
If she makes the fatal mistake aud
takes the first step to ruin, bnt perhaps
would gladly return, is she allowed
to do so? Is she by the influence OF
some humane sister, ever restored to
her friends, society and the world !
No! the very women who smile upon
the hardened libertine, frown upon his
unhappy victim, and shut her out for.
ever from purer, happier life.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
zgSgn @MzM- ::!::::!!!::a-
Are the Purest and pest
Bitters ever made,

They are compounded from
Hops, Malt, Buchu, Mandrake
and Dandelion, the oldest, best
and most valuable medicines in
the world and contain all the best
and most curative properties of all
other remedies, being the greatest
Blood Purifier, Liver Regulator,
and Life and Health Restoring
Agent on earth. No disease or
i'll health can possibly long exist
where Hop Bitters are used, so
yariedand perfect their operations.
They give new life and yigor to
the aged and infrm. TO all
whose employments cause irregu-
larity Of the bowels or urinary
organs, or who require an Appeti-
zer, Tonic and mild Stimulant,
Hop Bitters are invaluable, being
highly curative, tonic and stimu-
lating, without intoxicating.
No matter what your feelings or
symptoms are, what the disease or
ailment is, use Hop Bitters. Don't
wait until you are sick, but if you
only feel bad or miserable, use
Hop Bitters at once. 1t may save
your life. Hundreds have been
saved by so doing. $500 will be
paid for case they will not cure
or help.
Remember, Hop Bitters is no
vile, drugged, drunken nostrum,
but the Purest and Best Medicine
ever made; the "Invalid's Friend
and hope" and no person or
family should be without it. tS
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
Starting Plants from Slips,


Peter Henderson, in the Ladies'
Floral Cabinet, gives the following
directions for the domestic propaga.
ton of plants from slips: Florists use
what are called propagating benches
for roofing cuttings when wanted on a
large scale, as they usually are by
them; but when an amateur, not hav-
ing greenhouse facilities, wishes to
root few slips, there is no process
that we can recommend better than
what is known as the "saucer SYSTEM
which, even at the risk of telling it to
some of your readers who already un.
derstand it, | must again repeat, as
there is no other plan that is 50 simple
and so safe. Take any common sau-
Ger or plate, into which put sand to
the depth of an inch or so. Then
prepare the cuttings in the usual man
ner and place them in the sand close
enough TO touch each other. The
sand is then to be watered so as to
bring it into the condition of mud.
The saucer thus filed with slips may
be placed on the window-sill and ex-
posed to the sun The cuttings must
be fully exposed to the sun, and never
shaded. But one condition is abso-
lutely essential to success: until the
cuttings take root the sand must be
kept continually saturated with water
and always in the condition of mud
To do this the slips must be watered
at least once day with very fine
rose watering pot, and the watering
must be done very gently, else the
cuttings may be washed out. There
is every certainty that ninety.nine per
cent. of the cuttings put in will take
root, provided they were in the proper
condition when placed in the saucer,
and that the temperature has not been
lower than sixty degrees for green.
house plants, or less than eighty de-
grees for tropical plants. By the
saucer system higher degree of tenn
perature may be maintained without
injury than by any other system of
propagation, as the cuttings in reality
are placed in water, and will not wilt,
provided the water is not allowed to
dry out. Still, the tender slip, until
rooted, will not endure long contin-
uation of very high temperature, and
we would advise that propagation be
done at such seasons that they may
have as near as possible uniform
temperature of seventy-five or eighty
degrees in the sunlight. When root
ed they should be potted in dry soil,
such as is recommended for sowing
seeds in. They should be placed in
pots not exceeding two and half in
ches in diameter and treated carefully,
by shading and watering for two oil
three days.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
Forms Of 0aths,

The forms of oath now in use in the
legislative assemblies of various foreign
countries are as follows: Bavaria--"I
swear So help me God and His Holy
Gospel Denmark-"I promise and
swear. So help me God and His Holy
Word" Greece-'I swear in the
name of the Holy aud Consubstantial
and Indivisible Trinity" Hesse
Darmstadt-"I swear. So help me
God" Sake .Coburg and Baden-T
swear. So help me God Holland
81 swear So help me God" Portu-
gal-"I swear on the Holy Gospel.
Prussia--"I swear by God, the AL.
mighty and On.niscient. So help me
God" Servia-"I swear by one God
and with all that is according TO law
most sacred and in this world dearest.
SO help me God in this and that other
world" Spain-After swearing the
deputy on the Gospel, the President
says: "Then may God repay you but
if you fail, may He claim 1t from you"
Sweden and Norway--I president
or Vice President only swear before
God and His Holy Gospel. l will be
faithful to this oath as sure as God
shall save my body and soul" Switz-
erland-"In the presence Of Almighty
God l swear. So help Inc God.
United States-"I do solemnly swear.
So help me God" 1t is noted, in con-
nection with this record, that as States
advance in civilization they show an
increased disposition not to swear.
For example, Austria, France, Ger
many, Italy and the United States
either abandoned the theistic oath or
made its use optional; while in un;m-
por,ant and backward countries, like
Servia, Greco, Portugal and Spain, the
oath is most stringently imposed,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

Althoug the making of new nose
for person deprived of his natural
organ of smelling has been repeatedly
undertaken with success, it is nice
and difficult operation and an attempt
just made in Vienna by Prof. Billroth,
one of the most distinguished surgeons
of Austria, to supply soldier who had
been frightfully mutilated in Bosnia
with an artificial nose, has attracted
much attention. The material for the
new organ was taken from the skin of
the forehead. The operation is report
ed to have been entirely successful, and
with supplementary shaping process,
it expected to result in nose that can
not be distinguished from a natural
one
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
DHILADELPHAAND AND READING ROAD
ARRANGEMENT OF PASSENGER
TRAINS.

June 26, 1882.
TRArNs LEAVE RUPERT AS FoLLows(sUNDAY
EXCEPTED.
For New York, Philadelphia, Reading, ,Pottsvie
Tamaqua, &C., 1,46 a. m
For Catawissa, IL ,i5 IA. IN. 4 Sc and 7, 30 y. IN.
For Williamsport, o,l5 $50 q. IN. and 4,0o p. m.
TRAINS FOR RUr8Rr LEAVE AS FoLLows (sURDAY
sxCEPTRD.)
Leave New York. via. Tamanend 800 a. m. and
via. Bound Brook Route 7,45 a. IN.
Leave Philadelphia, S,45 a. m.
Leave Reading, ll,o5 a. M, Pottsyille 1889 p. IL
and Tamaqua, ,S5 p. m.
Leave Catawissa, $40 $40 a. m. and 400 p. m.
Leave Williamsport o IS am. 90 p. m and 80 p m
Passengers 10 and from New York, via. Tama-
mend and TO and from Philadelphia 20 through
without change Of cars.
j. e. WOOTTEN,
- General Manager,
General Passenger and Ticket Agent
Jan. 10, lSSl--u.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

Now is the time for the ministers TO
work up revival by telling sinners
that if they don't repent they'll go
where Guiteau has gone. No man
even in the next world, will want to
find himself in such disgraceful COM
pany.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

Appended is general outline Of
the more prominent features of the
bi-centennial celebration in Philadel
phia the latter part of October. 1t is
promised by those il charge that the
observance of the two hundredth an.
niversary of the founding of Philadel-
phia and the commonwealth of Penn.
sylvania will be the grandest celebra,
ton ever held in Philadelphia, not
excepting the centennial.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

The law of harvest is to reap more
than you SOW. Sow an act and you
reap habit; SOW habit and you reap
a character; SOW character and you
reap a destiny.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

Ingersoll has endorsed Beecher,
Beecher has endorsed Ingersoll, and
Satan has increased bis order for fuel
for next year by over a thousand
tons.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

The bicycle is said to be a graceful
arrangement, composed chiefly of two
wheels turned by three cranks one
seated on a saddle, turns the other two
with bis feet.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

When you have found q man who
thinks it his duty to tell you of your
faults you have also found a man who
never thinks it his duty to tell you of
your virtues.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

Demand it, and take no other iron
preparation except Browns Iron Bitters.
1t is the best.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
"PoUR ON OIL. Z"

l.. r. Follett, Marion, o., states that
he has used Thomas Eclectric Oil for
burns,and has found nothing to equal
it in soothing the pain aud giving re-
lief.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

A vigorous growth of hair is pro
NOTED and the youthful color restored
by applying Parker's Hair Balsam.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
EIRST DAY.

Parade of civic bodies, including
thirty-five companies from the state,
the old firemen of Philadelphia, the
paid fire department, who will enter
tain the visitors the United States
department, the postoffice, showing the
rise and progress of the postal service.
The United States mint will display
the process of coming, striking off
commemorative medal; the city and
state departments, the secret and be-
nevolent societies, temperance organ
izations, the butchers in magnificent
costume. The marine band of Wash
ington will be at the head of the
United States department Grand
tableaux of the landing of Penn at
Dock street wharf, naval display on
the Delaware, ending with magnificent
display of fire works in the park, with
pieces illustrating the early history of
Philadelphia. At least $4,000 men
will be in the procession.
SECOND DAY.
Parade OF the different trades, man.
ufactories, and foundries of PhilaGel-
phia, with wagons, all showing the
various modes of manufacture; wood
ware, hardware, furniture, printing,
dyeing, weaving, sewing machines,
engine building, tinware, household
goods, upholstering. Grand parade
of the Pennsylvania railroad, showing
the rise and progress of ralroading
and car building. Thirty thousand
mechanics and manufacturers in line
In the evening grand historical moving
tableaux, showing historical incidents
in the history of Pennsylvania, follow
ed by an epic poem, illustrated by
tableaux in floats or cars, each car
drawn by four horses, and shown by
lights and carried by men.
THIRD DAY.
Musical entertainment. Allisons
hall (oid machinery halD engaged,
lighted by electric lights and fitted up
to accommodate $4,000 persons; 1000
singers on the platform all the prn.
cipal Welsh and German singing
societies and choirs; Sl,250 in prizes ;
reception to the societies in the even
ing. Grand regatta on the Schuylkill
by the navy. Bicycle race and Cal.
edonian games in the park. Parade
of Knights Templars; all the leading
communicates from the principal
cities five to ten thousand knights
with their magnificent costumes and
Oriental drill on parade; reception al
the Academy of Music, Horticultural
and industrial hall in the evening.
FOURTH DAY.
The greatest military display ever
seen in Pennsylvania; 25,O0O stat,
and visiting troops and Grand Army
posts; all the National Guard of Penn
sylvania and New Jersey visiting
corps from Boston, Providence, New
York, Baltimore and other points
10000 men of the Grand Army ar
rangements will be made to entertain
all visiting delegations of soldiers. II
the evening the city will be entirel,
illuminated, and receptions at th'
Academy of Music, horticultural hal
and other places. During the fou
days the city will be magnificent,
decorated; the United States will lenC
the assistance of all departments.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
Two Hundred Years.

PHILADELPHIA PREPARING TO CELE-
BRATE HER BI-CENTENNIAL-A
GRAND CIVIC, MUSICAL AND
MILITARY PAGEANT OF
FOUR DAYS PRO
POSED
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

NORTHERN CENTRAL RAILWAY
IN COMPANY.
on and after February 19th 1881 trains will leave
Sunbury as follows:
NoRTHwARD.
Northern Express 6.3O am. arrive Elmira 1890 pm
Arrive at Canandaigua s.ao p. IN.
" Rochester 4 40
" Niagara. 3 45 q
Niagara Express $50 p. m. arrive Elmira sos In
arrive Canandaigua S.35 "
Rochester 945
:" Niagara 1880 m
Fast line 5.l5 IN arrive Elmlra lo.2Opm
SOUTHWARK. .l
southern Express 1882 I'm. arrive Harrisbg SIS am
arrive Philadelphia 100 90
New York 9.35
" Baltimore 100
Washington s.22 q ra
Lock Haven Ex 1850 m arrive Harrisb'g 1885 pm
arrive Philadelphia 500 p IN
... New York S.45 :"
Baltimore 520
q" Washington 847
Day Express 80 p IN arrive Harrisburg $50 p N
g Philadelphia T.05 /"
4" New York 1000 I"
Baltimore 100
I" Washington S.lT
Erie Mall 10, q. m. arrive Harrisburg 800 m
&" Philadelphia TOO "
4" New York 9.35
" Baltimore 100
" washington s.22
J.R WOOD. General Passenger Agent
FRANK THOMSON. General Manager.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15

Seea week in your own town Terms and So out
poOht free. Address II. HALLEr & Co., Portland,
Raine. march 81 -ly
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1882-09-15
$40 TO $1,000

In legitimate Iudicious speculation In Grain, Pro
visions and Stocks on our perfected plan, yields
sure monthly profits TO large and small Inv stors
Address. for rull particulars, r. u. Kendall ~
Co., Comm. Merchants, III lI9 La sale ST.
Chicago, ILL., + sept 10 aw