The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-09-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

to hair in butter
1t must be greasy work, this get
ting up a corner in pork.
Woman's temper and the stock
market are very uncertain.
Before an apple becomes cider it
must go the rounds Of the press.
II you want TO find out how grs at
a man is, let him tell it himself.
| In the morning man gets up,
but in the evening be gets supper.
1t is the man with a swclled jaw
who realized that silence is golden.
| A maa of quiet tastes is he who
tipples on the sly, behind the pantry
| door.
A Kansas man named Jones has
been jailed at Emporia for marrying
his grand daughter.
Latin is q dead language, and that
is why doctors use 1t for writing out
their prescriptions. ~
1t is better to DO thought a fool
than knave, says the saw; but it
is better still to be known TO be
neither.
Buckwheat fields now dot the rural
landscape, and in few months
buckwhcat cakes will dot the COM
| plexion.
The sting of Doe is only one. thir-
| ty-sccond ofan inch long. It is only
your imagination that makes II stJ-
pear as long rs hoe handle.
A Chicago editor married only 4
week ago has already printed a fierce
editorial against bossism.
When an Oil City mdu's wife gave
birth to twins he was surprised into
saying; "Cut two-spot BY gosh"
A Jersey milkman turned pale when
several of his customers dubbed to-
| gcther and made him present OF
a scarfpin in the shape OF n pump.
The power of the human eye can
only be fully appreciated when a well
regulated wink will change a bottle
of tonic beer into bottle Of lager III
spite Of the label.
OH give me anything made Of
beansw exclaimed Boston man
who was taken sick in the West, when
asked what he would have to eat.
They obeyed his request. They gaze
him castor oil
1t may be interesting to the boys
to learn that mule can fghtat both
ends. A Louisville boy who ticklcd
a mule about the mouth the other
day was flightfulIy bitten in the hand
by the enraged longcars.
Detroit Free prec: A st. Louis
girl, sixteen years old, pretty as a
picture and having voice as SIT
as currant jellcy, can split the pm
mel of u common pine door with
ono blow of her fist. She is not en-
gagged.
Yes, my boy, there are 53,2OO,-
600 people in this country. And
you are only one of them. just one.
Think Of that, once in n while,
when you get TO wondering what
would happen to the world If you
should die.
A woman lately looked at a print
ing press at work, turned to her COM
panion, and in most earnest man
ner inquired: "Wcll, Charley, AN
thems the things as writes the pa
pers. Bc's them what they call cdi-
torsY"
Prepared to die: A physician falls
into a fit while making found OF
visits and is carried into drug store.
''Send for DIR. " says somebody,
"No, no, not for him." says the dying
man, fccbly, at the mention Of his
rivals name: 'sIf he brought mo
round it would advertise himtI pre-
fer to die"
A gentleman talking the otIlerday
to bright little fivc-year-old boy
who lives up street somewhere, asked
him: do you ever fight at homer
20, yes" said the boy. "Well, whom,
do you fight withy' 20, my sister,.
swell, who whips?" 30, mamma
Whips"
Suppose" said lawyer to bad
gered witness recently" suppose
should tell you that / could bring
dozen men of your town to this court
room who would say they would
believe you on oath, what would You
say?v And ealmly the witness
made reply, Il would say your lied"
vegetables are ever so much bet
ter for person than meat this hot
weather. remarked the head Of the
family, as he reached for the last
slice Of beef and left an unsatisfac-
tory ear Of corn for the rest Of the
household.
Tailor's Collector: "Well, Mr. Jig
gers, I've brought you this little bill
again." Jiggers: "Why, of course;
Tn sorry though, for I've only just
expressed the last dollar had to the
patriot Egyptians. Terrible war
over there you know. just explain
to your employer, please.
"Yes sir" says the oldest resident,
1.-THE first trip | made from Is.xell 10
Roston was over the old canal and
worked my passage eH stlls.c cams
boat" Worked your passage. how? r.
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