The Osceola times., 1882-10-07
GARNERED SMILES.
sheared with Care from Our Numerous
Exchanges.

sheared with Care from Our Numerous
Exchanges.
Likely to be myrrh maid-the apothe-
carys daughter.-Boston Transcript.
Cordeia: No, we never heard of saw
teeth having gims.-Springteld News.
Thompson was the sailors poet-he
wrote of the sea-sons.-Governeur Her
aid
When a man chooses mate she fire.
quently turns out to be the master.-Phil-
idelphia Chronicle Herald.
There is no harm in blowing into a gun.
1t is the blowing out of the gun that does
the damage.-Winston Leader
A yacht is more like a christian than
the average man. She can stand on
tack without swearing.-Exchange.
A piece of steel is good deal like
man when you get it red hot it loses
its temper.-Baltimore Every Saturday.
An ovcr-the-river man calls his washer
woman Solitude" because she possesses
no charms for him.-IIackensack Repub-
liCan.
A Chicago girl says il is all mistake
about girls not taking an interest in mar
ried men, for they do, if their wives are
dead.-Bugle.
Cotton is often mere matter of form.
Mara hon Independent. But it axes
biz hustle about it sometimcs.-New-
Jersey Enterprise.
Gcorge--Iou asked who invented the
hammock. We tried to get into one the
other day ana only wish We knew
Philadelphia News.
The way things are going now the en-
terprising railroad of the future will ad-
vertise, "Brand new time table every
morning. Philadelphia News.
An exchange says, "Put oatmeal in
ice-water." Well, we have heard it called
various names before, but we must CON
fess that oatmeal is new TO us. Court
er.
An immense competition has been
found working against Nassar College
the Usage Indians chew gum. This will
disherb the girls. Burlington Enterprise.
A publisher announces: an press-A
Faithful lover" 1t is safe to wager that
the faithful lover is not i'll press any more
frequently than the girl he loves-The
Judge
Some latter-day philosopher has said.
Send me all the dresses woman has
worn in the course of her life and ! will
write her biography from them.-Ex-
change.
A Goldfish was recently caught on
Georges, and inside him was found wal
let containing horse-car ticket. As the
ticket had been punched it was OF course
of no further use to the fsh.-Rockland
Courier.
A Chicago man who was sleeping with
brace of revolyers under his pillow was
robbed the other night. He has thrown
the weapons down a well and married a
woman who snores.-Ncw York Com
mercial Advertiser.
The Fourth Of July in Philadelphia e
so much duieter than Sunday, that
strangers wonder much why the Quaker
city shouldn't brace up and and make a
vigorous effort to secure an equally order
ly observance ofthe Sabbath. IIawkeye.
lift were customary in this country
to confer titles upon individuals of rank
in literature" asked shallow but con-
ceited young journalist of an old one,
what would / be ?" Barren of ideas,
son." was the response.-Cincinnatl
Saturday Night.
Occasionally a man happens along who
can blow up a hackdriver in twenty diff
ferent languages for letting him miss
train, but when it comes to making his
wife comprehend the imperative duties
of lodge membership he isn't so dreadful
ly much better offthan an ordinary NOR
tal.--Winston Leader.
We used to wonder what became ofall
the flat-irons and base balls We do SO
no longer. They are bought up to stuff
mattresses at seaside hotels--Fall River
Advance. If this is correct, where do the
sleeping car companies get the material
used for stuffing their holsters, pillows
etc.-Elevated Railway Journal
"Now, my son." said a West Side cabi-
net maker to his little boy, "you must
remember that sins are like nails driven
into apost Repentance is merely pulling
the nails out, but the scars-the holes re-
MAN, But i say" interrupted the
youth, cant we kinder putty 'em up, as
you do the wormholes in the rotten bass
wood that you use to make real Engllsh
oak bedroom sets ?"-Chicago Cheek.
Mrs. Burdette, wife of the humoris',
who is summering with her husband III
West Goshen, Chester county, Pa, has
so far improved that she is able to take
short walks. Not person who knows
0the patience, long kindness OF tns
husband to his sadly afflicted wife but VIII
rejoice over the news. The humorists
loyalty to the sick wife is even more
beautiful than some ofthe tender sketches
he writes.-Williansport Breakfast IL
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