The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1882-07-07
VARIETIES.

Hens scratch up flower beds only when
they are barefooted. That's why women run
out and "shoo" the hens to keep them from
doing damage
In the streets of Leicester, one day, Dean
Swift was accosted by drunken weaver
who, staggering against him said, 81 have
been spinning it out" eyes" said the Dean
"and now you are reelng it home"
"A colored man went into a Galveston
newspaper office and wanted to take the pa
per. "Iow long do you want to take it ?"
the clerk asked "Jess as longas il is, boss
Eft don't fit the shelves I can tar a piece
off, myself"
"A colored preacher, in translating to his
hearers the sentence: "The harvest is past
the summer is over, and we are not saved"
put it, "De corn has been cribbed, dere amt
any more work, and old Satan is still foolin'
wild dis community"
What are you digging there for?" asked
loiterer OF three men who were digging
trench in the street. money, EUR" the an
swer came. The man watched the operation
until the joke got through the roots of his
hair and then moved on.
That was very pretty conceit of n 70.
mantle husband and father whose name was
Rose, who named his daughter "Wild." so
that she grew up under the appeation of
wild Rose" But the romance of the name
was sadly spoiled in n few years, when she
married man by the name of Ball"
One of our jokers the other day, on read
ing the deaths in down east paper, and see
ing the ages OF great many on the list TO
be eighty and upwards, said he couldn't see
how people afforded to live SO long at the
North-he wasn't over thirty, and hadn't
money enough to hold out much longer.
The following is said to be a COPY of a
letter sent by a member of the legal profess
sion to person who was indebted to one of
his clients: "Sir, l am desired to apply TO
you for SO due to my client, Mr.. Jones. If
you send me the money by this day week,
you VIII oblige me; if not, will obligc you"
-1fyou should ever meet with an accident
at the table, endeavor to be composed A
gentleman carving tough goose had the
misfortune to send it entirely out of the dish
into the lap OF II young lady who sat next to
him, on which he looked her full in the face
and said with the utmost GOODNESS: MADAM
will thank you for that goose"
"A man undertook to paint the destruc.
ton of Pharaoh's host in the Red Sea on one
of the walls Of room. After very short
time he much surprised his employer by ask
ing him to come and view the finished pic
ture. On going to inspect it he found the walls
covered with red paint "Where are the
children of Israeli" he asked. "Gone over"
answered the painter "Where are Pharaobs
hosts ?" he next inquired. "All drowned"
said the painter.
Love in Connecticut: "Thcn YOU are
paying attention TO old Grinders daughter.
are you, my son" Eyes, mother; I have
waited upon Miss Grinder somewhat She's
nice sort of girl. Fathers got money!
"Precious little good that'll do you, nv son.
He's the closest man in these parts" ''B1tyou
know, mother, he can't live forever, and''-
Don't you be too sure I've known old
Grinder for forty years, and he hasn't died
yet" This set the young man 10 thinking.
On one occasion, Charles II. asked Bishop
Stillingtleet chow it was that he always read
his sermons before him, when he was inform.
ed that he always preached without book
elsewhere" Stilingtlcet answered something
about the awe of so noble a congregation, the
presence of so wise and great a prince, with
which the King himself was very well con-
tented. "But, pray" continued Stillingtieet,
twill your Majesty give me leave to ask YOU
aquestion? Why do you read your speeches
when you have none Of the same reasons ?"
"Why, truly, Doctor" replied the King,
"your question is a very pertinent one, and so
will be my answer. l have asked the two
Houses so often, and for so much money,
that am ashamed to look them in the face"