The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-01-25
NO. & Ss
WIT AND WISDOM.

Boyce will be Boyce,n remarked vouno
lady OF that name as she rejected a sutton for
her hand
There is only one thing needed to make tho
oyster soup at railroad restaurant perfect.
and that is oysters
The man who haa got so low down that ba
Kant be BATTERED, haz got so low down that be
kant be abuzed.-JosA Billings
You will find my mark on the black bored ;,
as the farmer said, after shooting the neqro
who had beer robbing his len-roost.
The only thing in this country that is not
injured by bursting is applause Narration
independent. How about corn in the popper9
ST. Louis girl has slept continuously for
four months. Probably there's nothing in
that town worth waking up to see.-Bostoa
Post
Syracuse has female architect" Nor.
ristown hasn't a female architect, but she has
more than one designing woman. -Noyyistoson
Herald.
Georgia woman has lived to be hundred
years old without ever once borrowing coffee
or tea of any of her neighbors. -Aaanta Con-
stitution,
The Lowell Citizen sees an argument for
the elevation of the stage in the fact that It is
now impossible to see over the ladies' hats at
a theatre.
The lockwood tree is known by its bark
Neao Orleans Picayuns. While pig-weed IL
known by its root.-Detroa Free Press. And
Indian corn by its talk
The Keokuk Gate CITY in its g Farm and
Family column, asks : " Why does Timothy
run out2" Why, bless your heart, the poor
little fellow wants fresh air.
The Boston Post tells of Vermont couplo
who have married after.a courtship of twelve
years, during which tho BRIDES father has put
seven sets of hinges ON the front gate.
young man in Boston says he is going TO
attempt the feat of going forty days without
working. He says, if his employers do not
watch him, he thinks he can accomplish the
task.
The New York authorities are very careful
of their police force. They never put two
officers on the same beat, because it is said to
be unhealthy for two persons to sleep to-
gether
There is no accounting for tastes on this
terrestrial sphere. A Frenchman's shrup il
considered of no particular importance, while
Tnrkish
world over.
We often hear of a woman marrying man
to reform him but no one ever tells about a
, man marrying woman to reform her. We
mon are modest and don't talk about our
good deeds much.
What sickens the heart of young man is
to buy a white vest and white necktie Satur-
day night and then have the Thermometer to
ramble down to twenty four Sunday morning.
Detroit Free Press
A Professor Cunning, up in Michigan is
lecturing on "After Man, WhatPr A Fort
Wayne editor, who has been there. rises to re-
mark that 1t is generally the Sheriff or some
woman burlington Hawkeyc.
They had lying match for prize Of 500
ont in Ohio recently, and one fellow was sharp
enough to dance up to the rack and hoist out
the unvarnished truth and he got the 800
by unanimous vote of the judges.
A celebrated lawyer sa id that the three most
troublesome clients he ever had were young
lady who wanted to be married, married
woman who wanted divorce, and an old maid
who didn't know what she wanted.
Norristown secondhand furniture dealer
has toy said to have been made by George
Washington. This reminds us that Phia.
dephia dealer in bric-a-brac has soap bubble
blown by George, when nine years old.
} "Oh, that were Wilkie Collins 70 cried
) lazy jim. "And what do you want to be Col
Inns for?" chined the other fellows. BE
cause" yawned Jim, "his physicians have
ordered him to abstain from all work for six
months
: Yes, A1gernon, Heaven, indeed, tempers the
D wind to the shorn lamb. But then You must
remember the lamb was forcibIy shorn against
his will he didn't go and deliberately pawn
his ulster for $780, when he knew perfectly
well July wasn't going to last all Winter.
They sat together in the lamp-light and read
u the advertisements in their local paper, when
he suddenly exclaime Look only $15 for
suit of clothes ~ "Is 1t a wedding suit?"
she asked. sob, no. it is business suit"
u "Well, mean business she replied. That
settled it.
. Elm very sick man, - observed the tramp
langudy as he anchored himself at restaur
rant table "tbe doctor says l must have
strengthening food. Give me something with
iron in it, Tho waiter shaded the corners
of his mouth with his hands and then below
ed in stentorian tones +" One keg of nails -
~ must say that I very much dislike this
ostentatious furnishing" remarked the elderly
Miss PriDgle, as she looked about her in the
new home of the Spankingtons. Now, look
? at that great, deliberately furnished mirror.
!, declare, can see nothing beautiful in it,
. ssYou shouldn't expect impossibilities, Miss
Pripgle," remarked Fogg, the villain.
Wher some of the members of a Belgian
= regiment were in London some time ago, the
!. Baroness Burdett- Coutts entertained them at