Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1882-10-12
SIMEON PINGREE'S CHANCE,

n group OF men was gathered IN Eli
Jah Wiswell's store, which was also the
post-office. A debate was in progress,
and, as usual, Simeon Pingree had the
floor. He was a long, loose-jointed,
shock-headed specimen of humanity,
with so large an Adam s. apple in his
loug, lean throat as to continually excite
surprise that he was not choked Dy it;
and huge feet upon which he had way
of.uneasiy shutting to and fro.
Sim had inherited from his father the
trade of shoemaker, but had long ago
decided that it was not sufficiently Gin
tellectooal'' for him. Occasionally the
inhospitable spirit manifested by his
neighbors when he was 'sa-passin' by,
and kind O. dropped i'm to take his
meals with them, droye him to the un-
congenial pursuit Just long enough to
boiling was not in the line of Sims am
bition; after day or two of effort he
fell back into his old ways with an air of
supererogatory merit.
His neighbors. who did not appreciate
his ''inteilectooal" views, regarded him
as lazy and 'sshiftless,'' and openly.
pointed him to the poor-house as his in
evitabie- destination. GAS good-for-
nothing as Sim Pingree," twas the height
oflnvidiOus comparison in the village.
But though he was of so small practical
worth, Sim had ssfiow of language
which caused his society to be much
sought, and won for him a certain kind
of respect. 1t was generally conceded
that if he had been possessed of sssprawl''
(the common synonym for energy in
Greenhollow), and little more shook
larnin', Sim might have been school
master; and there were few who even
went so far as to think he could get the
better of the minister in theological
discussion, whichever side he might
take; but this opinion was generally
thought sacrilegious, and those who
held it were looked upon with mournful
suspicion as being inclined to infidelity.
The discussion had begun with theol-
ogy to-day and gradually wandered
down to luck and chance-subjects upon
which Sim was always sure to 'srun off
an idee." = ~.
zt'There was q man that / come acrost
up to Gorham mOre'n twelve year ago
that give me some idees that I hahn It
never forgot" said Sim, his hand bur-
led deep in his trousers pockets, and his
feet, shutting an accompaniment to his
words. The more excited Sim grew, the
more energetic became his shuf1line; on
the rare occasions when he preserved 81
lence, the motion was feeble and monot-
onous. ssHe was an alfred smart
Teller. The lightnin' calkerlater, nor the
funny Teller that was here with the show
last summer, want circumstance to
him. He was in the show business too :;
fact is, most of the tarlent nowadays is
a-traveling' on the road. I've some
times had an idee of turnin' my own tar
Tents to account that way, but the
chance hain't never seemed to come
along. And I'm one O. them that be-
ieves in a mans bein' sure of his chance.
Some time or mother it's bound to
come. That's the doctrine that this
TELLER preached. Hazlitt-Eph Hazlitt
his name was; and smart! He'd
swaller snakes as quick as look at 'em !;
boy-constractor want no more'n a
comf'table mouthful for him! Edicat-
edo He wouldn't have thought nothin'
of maxim dictionary or an almernick
if he had a felt so inclined Kind of a
slim, pigeon breasted teller, too, but
terrible hearty to mis- victuals. He was
q master-hand for lotteries, and such
kind of resky business, and it alwers
turned out we'll; seemed as if he hadn't
nothln' to do but to put out his hand
and haul in the money. Made me think
of King that I'd read of somewhere in
furrin parts, that everything he took
holt of turned to gold. I hadn't never
took no stock in the story-them stories
about furrin parts is mostly deceivin'-
and it didn't seem to stand to reason,
but when I see Eph Haz,itt L begun to
think mebbe 'twa'n't so big lie, after
all. Says to Eph, says L, Gurus what
a run of luck you have, amt it?' 'No,
says Eph, says he, sit amt Gurus at all.
It'sin the, mater of things. I've been
failin' for a long time, and it was time
: thst my luck come. 1t had ought to "a
come last year, accordin' to the law o.
probabilerties it was bound to come
. this year, as sure as two and two make
four.' azWell, 1 kind of laughed it off as
q joke, or figger of speech, as you
might say, but he went on, and reasoned
it out to me till twas jest as clear as day
light. You see, there's jest about 20