The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-07-08
Wit and Wisdom.

looking glass.
An American Presidents pay
$4,000 year and bored.
More art and less artists would APP
pear to be desirable.
Mrs. Jesse James announces that
anything that may be said about her
Is not so.
Never take stock in man who
habitually says mean things about
women.
Dennis Kearney has drawn $4,000
in a lottery. The good man always
hits blank.
When man has positively moth
ing to do the devil regards it as q
first class opportunity.
What is that which we wish for,
and when obtained, we never know
we have it?-Sleep.
Miss Dickinson advises actors to
begin at the top of the ladder; it is
so easy to go down.
Alabama men won't begin relig.
ious discussion until after they have
handed their revolvers to third par
ty.
There is q community out in Mis-
souri, where they only believe in them,
selves, Bob Ingersoll, and that four
aces beat two pairs.
A young lady attending balls and
parties should have female chap.
erone until she is able to call some
other chap her own.
Blaine's Henrietta mine was a bet
terinvestment than Shepherds guano..
The sale OF it yields the ex-senator
a neat 100000.
We learn from an exchange that
the fashionable way to commit sui
eide in Michigan is TO get job In
saw mill.
A pretty little book on honeymoons
by Senator Christiancy, would be of
great service to elderly gentlemen
contemplating matrimony.
Fort Wayne is sensatcd over n di-
vorcc suit after five weeks marriage.
Probably surprising that the couple
lived together so long.
IT you are skeptic and determined
to believe only what you can under
stand you will probably have the
shortest creed in the world.
A Hamburg cab driver has become
an operate tenor. Perhaps hack
driving doesn't pay in Hamburg as
well as it does in America.
A Cincinnati man found his wife at
a matinee and led her ont by the ear.
She had led him around by the nose
so often that he was determined to
get even.
"Somc people" said Alfonso Karr,
"are always finding fault with nature
for putting thorns on roses. al
ways thank her for having put roses
on thorns."
1t is the fashion among the French
aristocracy to wear black silk under
clothing Mighty handy fashion for
some of EN-. They can say the color
rnbs of.
The startling news is telegraphcd
us that Siberia is 'ovcrrnn with rats.
Now can't we utilize this fact to
get.all the cats in the country ship
ped to Siberian
Amt that a lovely critter, John?'
said Jerusha, as they stopped oppo-
site the leopard's cage, "Waal, yes"
said John, "but he's dreadfully
frecklcd amt her'
There is a rnrrked increase in the
number Of theological students in
Germany. This wonld indicate that
the salaries of the clcrgymen are GO
ing up in Germany.
If some business men should go as
long without eating as they do with
out advertising, their stomachs would
no doubt be in as dormant a condi-
ton as their business.
} 1t is said that certain tribes in
South Africa have no name for Hea-
ven. Ten to one that when their toes
are trodden upon they find solid
name for the other place.
A Maine editor, correcting slight
inaccuracy of statement respecting q
public assembly, says with charming
naiyete "There were too many
around giving US information.
Minnesota is vastly proud because
gigantic skull has been found with
in her borders. Did Minnesota
never sec one Of her own modern sons
with an unusually big head ON him?
After locking for man under the
bed for fifteen years an Indiana wid-
ow at length found him. As she hit
him with lamp and stunned him,
it couldn't have been the man she
wanted.
A Yankee editor speaking of q fat
contemporary, remarked that if all
flesh was grass, he must be load Of
hay. II expect ] am from the way
the donkeys are nibbling at me.
1t is understood that if Frank
James is pardoned he will be offered
the position Of manager Of a scashore
resort. Nothing but first-class ban
dit can successfully run q seaside
hotel
An Oregon man fell on the icy
walk and broke his nose, and when
he came to sue for damages the jury
held that his looks had been improved
thirty per cent. He therefore got
nothing.
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