davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
Am Extraordinary Report.

A delicious piece of bambOOzlement
was served up to the readers of pro-
vincial paper the other day, due in all
probability to some wag of sub -edi-
tor. The previous evening the report
er for the paper had to attend meet
ing mt IA Wesleyan chapel for the con-
version of the Jews to Christianity, af-
ter which he reported an address given
to Il local society on the Conversion of
Sewage into Lime and Cement. In the
cOmpOsitor's hands the manuscript got
mixed up, and the printed report read
as follows:
"The Chairman, after the meeting
had been opened with prayer, explain
ed that the conversion of the Jews was
one of the greatest works that could
engage the attention of our sanitary
authorities. Filtration was the most
perfect method that could he adopted
for publication but a filter had it's
limits. There was popular notion
that the sewage contained vast
amount of wealth; but the sludge
must be taken out of it for the purpos-
es of irrigation, as it otherwise choked
the pores of the land and they were a
wandering race, spread over the whole
face of the habtable globe. They
were denied the inestimable blessings
of Christianity, which might be count
ed by thousands of tons per year being
allowed to run to waste, when, by a
judiciOus admiXture of lime and clay,
the benighted Hebrews who sat in
darkness might be easily converted in
to lime and cement for building pur-
poses; and if thus deOdorized, after
being first dried and burned in kiln,
this ancient race would once more take
its proud position among the nations
of the world. Subscriptions were ear
nestly solicited for the purpose, though
he-the speaker-disclaime any idea
of making a profit out of the process /;
and, in conclusion, he urged increasing
efforts in the good work, showing thus
deOdOrized, by very novel process of
evangelizatiOn, in large tanks con
structed for the purpose, the grateful
Hebrews might flow over the land
without injury to vegetation while
the expense of conversion, which was
progressing as rapidly as the best
friends of Christianity could wish,
would be more than repaid by the sale
of the phosphate of lime and valuable
cement for building purposes."-
Chambers Journal.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
Stories About Blind Men.

Three men, two of them blind, were
drinking together one night i'll the
room of public house. And as is too
often the result of such cOnvivial meet
ings, one of the blind men quarrelled
and came to blows with the man who
could see. Here was likely to be bat
tie not by any means on equal terms.
But the other blind man was equal to
the occasion. That the man who could
see should have no undue advantage
over his less fortunate opponent, up
Jumped the blind friend and turned off
the gas, and so they pounded each
other i'll a harmless way for time.
We have given an illustration of the
warlike passion. AS an offset we could
give many illustrations of that gentler
passion, love, for the blind are eminent
disciples of Cupid and Hymen. AS a
rule, respectable blind man has no
difficulty i'll getting a seeing wife, and
very often with good looks to boot.
And when we consider the delicacy of
touch in the finger tips of the blind,
the latter is not to be wondered at.
Blind men, however, do not always
marry wives who see. We know of
many instances in which both husband
and wife are blind, and have managed
to rear families without the occurrence
of any serious mishap either to them
selves or the children. And the cases
are rare i'll which the latter are defec-
tive i'll sight.
Only lately the marriage took place
of blind couple somewhat advanced
in years, she being his second wife,
and he her third blind husband. The
marriage was not wanting in the ele
ments of romance, for i'll their young
days they had cOurted, and parted,
blind in "A double sense. We will con
clude with courtship, but in this case
will not vOuch for its truth. A blind
man on several occasions met IA widow,
who was not, however, like himself,
blind, and latterly concluded that she
would make him good wife. He re
solved that he would "pOp the ques
ton without loss of time. Accordingly,
one evening found found him in the
widows house for that purpose, when
his suit was entirely successful. But
so elated was he with his success that,
on leaving her door he forgot he was
up flight of stairs. The staircase
window being very low, and happen
ing to be open, he felt the air on his
heated brow, and at once stepped ont
without thinking where he was, and so
| fell into the court below. The widow,
| hearing the noise, ran down, greatly
alarmed, but was fully reassured that
no bones were broken by his remark
maggie, We hae big step to your
| door ~ Chambers Journal.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27

descendant of Rufus King, the first
senator from New York state. Unob
trusive, modest, with becoming spirit
of New York quiet nature, and also
very anxious to attain something in
Congress for his family name-and the
progress of events, young Belmont up
to the present time has not provoked IA
single criticism upon his manners.
Now take that man with the red
hair, with long tuft of red beard, n
tall, wiry figure, rapid and nervous
action of the hands, bald-topped head,
with red streaks of hair crossing it
that is James Belford, the only repre-
sentative on the floor of the youngest
state in the Union. Lean as he is you
could make two or three BelmOnts out
of him. He is only A years old, "A free
fellow, student, positive, Indifferent
about forms, feeling his liquor quickly,
if he takes any, and he can do more
work i'll - hours than the whole Mas
sachusetts delegation, because he rep
resents the community with work to
do, with 10000 interests lying direct
ly on this government. Our western
congressman carry their indifference of
dress and appearance to such extremes
that Frenchman whom | once
brought here to make some sketches as
an artist remarked care these con
gressmen My God They look like
bisons !"
Turn now to third type of a man.
On one of the rear seats, far off from
your eye, you easily distinguish man
of most erect bearing, with a rich,
black beard, dark, yet pale skin, very
black hair, and wearing a suit of cloth
beneath which you see small, peculiar
feet in shapely boots. This is the only
Spaniard in this Congress, or, rather,
Mexican-ROmualdO PachecO-One of
the four California representatives.
Yonder is a man named Dunnell, from
Minnesota. He is a six-foOter, with
huge, broad shoulders, and a loud
speaker, with ideas of the Senate and
of various things. He has been six
times sent to Congress from the new
state he distinguishes and the anec
dOte is current of him that when the
resolution passed Congress to give all
the members back pay, he, who had
been waiting for years to build himself
a house, telegraphed home, "Begin to
haul sand at once" The sand was
hauled and the house started, but the
back pay was recOnsidered, and then
the terrible message flashed over the
wires, "Ifaul no more sand" Thus
originated the expression so current in
the Northwest, Giles got plenty of
sand into him"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27

of the Republican party to national
power. Who can deny that the anti
Garfield wing rule at Washington to-
day that Cameron, Robeson and LO-
gan WELD a new and autOcratic sway ?
They owe it to the removal of Garfield,
who was elected President by the votes
of the people of the United States. We
have an inefficient Stalwart speaker,
and cabinet so far made up of com
paratively clean Grant men. Can the
President afford now to pick advisers
from inferior, possibly unclean men,
belonging to the minority of party
To do so will further perfect Guiteau's
program, and strain popular faith in
the man who was New York politi
elan before he became an accidental
President of the United States.
Guiteau, vain, base blackguard that
he is, has brought about political
revolution. 1t bchOOves those lifted
into power by his act to conduct them
selves soberly. The people partake of
the qualities of divinity they too are
slow to anger and plenteous in mercy ;
but also they are not mOcked, and with
them too whatsoever man soweth,
that shall he also reap.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
From Garfield 10 Arthur.


at is little less than indecent in
The Springfield Republican to speak of
President Arthur as 'Guiteau's Presi-
dent" remarks the Boston journal.
Organs of greater and lesser degree
nectiOn in which The Republican made
use of the term "Guiteau's President"
follows:
''The people have seen Blaine, Mac
Veagh, Window and James, represent
ing various elements, retire from the
cabinet, and their places taken by men
representing a minority of a party. 1t
is confidently claimed that the next ap-
pointment of the President will he
from the same group of Grant men.
The country has magnanimOusly con-
scented to Withhold judgment, and to
base its opinion of Guiteau's President
on his official acts. But the people
remember that the administration
which represented the majority of the
Republican party could afford to rec
ognize the wing to which Mr.. Arthur's
friends belong. Can an accidental
President afford To he less liberal and
considerate y
Here is IA plain, concise statement of
the political situation. One word
serves to recall the means which
brought Chester A. Arthur to the
White House,-the pistol shot of "a
stalwart of the stalwarts." He is liter
ally Guiteau's President. If these
words bear any offensive significance
when coupled with the name of Mr..
Arthur it will be when his acts shall
give them the meaning. The assassin
boasts to-day, as he has done from the
first, that he aimed to restore a faction
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
Washington and Vicinity.
A LOCALITY IN WHICH VERMONT SOL
DIERS WERE INTERESTED.


The many objects of special interest
in this rapidly growing city, outside
the government buildings, would be
subject matter enough for a long let
ter, and, if rightly presented, a very
entertaining one. Some Irregular" cor
respondent can attend to this, while
| briefly relate the facts of visit to a
spot intimately connected with one of
our regiments in ye historical days.
Ask any llth VermOnter if he ever
heard of Fort Stevens, and then watch
his cOuntenance light up and hear him
smack his lips as the answer comes
yelling up, "You bet"
The air was crisp and bracing, and
the four mile walk out to Brighton on
the Rockville pike was delightful.
The Howard University and Soldiers
Home were passed on the way. The
broad, even pike was literally filled
with wagons bringing farm produce to
market. The warm weather of the
past few weeks having checked this
branch of industry, it was now reopen
ed with a rush. Where else can one
meet with more grotesque vehicles
than the modern "gemman of color
can create out of less than nothing in
value. The ''freeze" had stimulated
activity in the ice market, and every
darkey who could hook up a mule was
active, and the frog ponds swarmed
with ice contractors. No order wa:
! preserved, but l noticed that the heav.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
PATENTS.
r.. H. F. d d Y .

No. 20 State Street, opposite Kilby Street Boston
Secures patents in the United States also in
Great Britain, France and other foreign countries
Copies OF the claims of any Patent furnished by
Temitting one dollar. Assignments recorded at
Washington. No agency ~ tbs United Staies pos
sesSes superior faeiities for obtaining Patents or
aeertdiHiHg TIE pateRtabihty Of inuentions r. II
EDDY. solicitor Of Patents.
TEsTihONI
4 regard Mr.. Eddy OF the most successful
and capable practitioners with whom l have had
official Intercourse. CHAS MASON
Commissioner of Patents
Inventors cannot employ person more trust
worthy OF more capable Of securing for them an
early and favorable consideration at the Patent OF
hee."-EDMUSD BURKE, late Commissioner OF
Patents"
Boston, October le ls76.
X II. EDDY, Esq.-Dear Sir you procured for
me, in ls40. my first patent. Since then you have
acted for and advised me in hundreds Of cases and
procured many patents. reissues and extensions
have occasionally employed the best agencies in
New York, Philadelphia and Washington, but
still give yO1 almost the whole Of my business in
your line aud advise others 10 employ you.
Yours truly, GEORGE DRAPER.
Boston, an. ]. lsS2.-lY
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
SqIIibS.

A celebrated lawyer said that the
three most troublesome clients he ever
had were young lady who wanted to
be married, married woman who want
ed a divorce, and an old maid who
didn't know what she wanted.
The best way to discover the North
west Passage would be to pay New
ark man $4,000 year to take care of
it. Everything in it would be dead
certain to melt away inside of three
years.
We often hear of woman marrying
il man to reform him but no one ever
tells about a man marrying a woman
to reform her. We men are modest
and don't talk about our good deeds
much.
A NOrristown secondhand furniture
dealer has toy said to have been
made by George Washington. This
reminds us that Philadelphia dealer
in bric-d- brdc has IA sOap-bubble blown
by George, when nine years old.
They had Il lying match for prize
of 800 out in Ohio recently, and one
fellow was sharp enough to dance up
to the rack and hoist out the unvar-
nlshed truth, and he got the 500 by
unanimous vote of the judges.
"What do you think of my article on
the political situation r. inquired Fen
derson. "Everybody / have heard
speak of it," replied Fogg, "praises it
very highly" "Do they ?" said Fen
derson, eagerly. "WhOm have you
heard speak of t?" "Nobody but your
self" said Fogg, carelessly. Fender
son says he has learned one thing
namely, when he gets a compliment
again, he shall be satisfied to take it
as it is given. Hereafter he shall not
ask for a bill of particulars.
In Il pleasant company each one ask
ed "A question. If it was answered, the
questioner paid a forfeit, or if he could
not answer it himself he paid forfeit.
An Irishman's question was: elbow
does the little ground squirrel dig his
hole without throwing any dirt about
the entrance p When they all gave it
up, Pat said "Sure, do you see, he
begins at the other end of the hOle.n
One of the rest exclaimed "But how
does he get there ~ "Ah ~ said Pat,
''that's your question. Can You answer
it yourself2"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
Our National House.

[WashintOn Letter to the Cincinnati EnQuirerl
As you look down on this immense
floor, with its green carpet lightened
with little green stars; the gilt and
buff walls reaching to the galleries !;
the galleries deep, comfortable, and
drinking up sound hungrily the deep
embossed ceiling, with its symbols
painted OH glass the oak clock OppO-
site the speaker, in the gallery, sup
ported by the Indian and hunter, and
dominated by spread eagle of bronze,
you are first astOnished at the want of
Order-at the running of dozen pages
up and down; the conversation of
members standing up or leaning over
each other; the Indifference of many
members to the proceedings as they
write letters, read newspapers, or clap
their hands for page e; and at the in
truders, the ex-members, the Judges,
the committee clerks standing around
or lOafing on the back seats and under
the galleries. You see at the open
doors people coming in, rushing out,
dropping into the smoking rooms,
which gap out like little cabins or
cOves and next you hear the speaker
from his high box, with the gavel for
ever in his hand or near it, calling out
this or that; and then a clerk in a re-
sOnant voice, which sounds above ev-
erything, you say to yourself, ''HOw
do they understand anything here 7
Can they do business at all 2 What a
hall to ruin the human voice in ~
Observe that young man with the
slight limbs, slight figure, and rather
a miniature every way, sitting in one of
the groups in front, with rather a fine
head, the eyes of student docking a
little sore, as if by night work., and
black hair on a pale, high forehead.
1t is Perry Belmont, son of the New
| York banker. Just past his Both year,
and out of Harvard College nine years
ago, he beat, by some 26OO votes, the
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
Letter from Paris.

PARIS, FRANCE, Jan. 4, 1857.
Paris has had but few winter days
yet, and no snow. Bright frosty days
are unusual, and fog and mist hide the
sun much of the time. However, every
place has its disagreeable season, and
Paris takes it's turn during the winter
months.
1t has been very gay here for the
last two or three weeks, and the stores
have been crowded with people view
ing and purchasing the pretty holiday
things. At the Grdnds MdgisinS du
Louvre there were recently $4,000 Wis
itOrs in one day, and the amount of
sales was said to be 100000 francs.
This store is called the largest of the
kind in the world.
During the holidays little booths are
allowed TO be constructed on the
sidewalks of the bOuleyards, and one
find all kinds of coarse and tritiing ar
ticles for sale, the vendors being
gloomy looking men, or poor old wO-
men, who expect to make enough pro
fit from their small sales to supply
them with fuel or clothing the rest of
the winter. These baraqueS du bOute-
uard are very cheaply built by putting
a few boards together and resemble
the little stalls at a country fair.
Years ago they presented better ap-
pearance, being of uniform size and
neatly painted, and were the centre of
much gayety. Now the passing crowd
give them but glance, preferring the
more attractive store windows on the
other side.
Beggars are also allowed here at this
season. At every street corner one is
confronted by some cripple or terribly
distigured person, and if generous
enough to search for a few centimes,
before he has found them, there will
hands.
Pedestrians have to be particularly
careful about crossing the streets i'll
this city. The vehicles and not those
on foot have the right of way, so if "a
person is run over when crossing the
street. it is his fault, and not the driv-
er's, and he can recover no damages,
but is blamed for being in the way.
This makes the drivers very careless,
and they will not stop or turn out for
anyone. Unless one remembers that
he is not in an American city, where
there are policemen at every crowded
street crossing, and learns to look on
both sides, behind and in front, before
attempting the crossing, he is in great
danger of getting run over.
1t seemed as though all Paris was
out the first and second days of Janu-
ary. While some Americans and many
French gave their New Years recep-
tions on Sunday, the first, the Ameri-
can minister and consul gave theirs the
second and third day. Mrs. Walker
the wife of the consul, gave her recep-
tion in the style of "kettle drum,
and it was most pleasant affair.
The American colony is quite large
here in the winter season, and natural
ly is well represented at these recep-
tiOns. 1t was pleasant to notice several
American flags draped across one END
of the consurs dining-rOOm.
The BOis du BOuiOgne is rather de
serted these damp days, and recep.
tions and afternoon teas take the place
of the driving. However, as the warn
days come on this beautiful park viii
be as favOrite resort as it was during
the autumn months.
NJ. Z. S.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
st. Johnsbury Post Office.
ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OF MAILS.

ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OF MAILS.
Boston and intermediate offices. Arrive AIS D
m. Close $3.50 and 500 a III.
Boston through mail. Arrive 2:17 m. Close
500 pm.
New York and the West. Arrive PIT and HOO
a m and Ais III. Close $50 and 5:2O a m ard g 90
Close AS
Portland and the East. Arrive 300 p III. Close
$50
a Close AIS pm.
Waterford Arrive SEQ IN. Close 400 pm.
a
West Concord and East st. Johnsbury. Arrive
900 a Close AIS p IN.
CHAS F. CARPENTER. I'd, PM.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27

Select hunting story: Two Frisco
men were out duck shooting when one
of them sunk in bog up to his arm
pits. He could not get out, his COM
paniOn could not go near him or render
aid i'll any way, and the tide was rising
so that he would soon be drowned. So
the companion threw him a piece of
gas-pipe, i've feet long, and went six
miles for help. When the water got
up to the mired mans mouth he insert
ed the gas-pipe in that orifice, held
the other end alOft and breathed
through it, and this management of
affairs he continued until the tide rose
far above his head and, after a while,
subsidized, when he was fished out with
ropes.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
AUCTION BILLS.

Orders Tor auction bills by morning mails can
usually be hlled and returned on evening trains
same day Our facilities for Half and Whole-Sheet
POSTERS ale better than ever at
CALIFORNIAN y OFFICE.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
JofeLs.

ST. JOHNSBURY HOUSE,
MAIN STREET, ST JoHNsBURY VI
JERRY DREW, Proprietor.
AVENUE HOUSE,
RAILROAD NrREEr. ST. JoHNsBURY. VT
G W. F. CONVERSE Proprietor.
COTTAGE HOTEL.
RAILROAD STREET, ST. JoHNsBURY, VT
RICHARD b. FLINT, Proprietor.
UNION HOUSE.
LrNDoNvILLE, VERMONT
L. +. SHONYO, Proprietor.
Desirably located just opposite passenger depot
good livery stable connected with the house.
FIFTH AVENUE HOTEL.
BROADWAY. NEW YORK.
hrst-class house in every particular
HITCHCOCK. DARLING 4 co. Proprietor-
THE BRUNSWICK,
BoYLsToN STREET BosruN
The finest appointed hotel IN New England
AMOS BARNES & co. Proprietors.
THE GRAND PACIFIC HOTEL,
CHICAGO.
Charges moderate. JN0 b. DRAKE & co, Pro
prietors.
SANLM NJ. TURNER. TYLER b. GAsKELL.
UNITED STATES HOTEL.
Portland Ne.
Situated u the very centre Of the CITY The brst
located House for business men Heated by
steam. Table set.with the best the market
affords.
W II. MCDONALD, Proprietor.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
st. Johnsbury Church Directory.

AdUeHt-Paddock Village Sabbath Services at
1890 a. III. las and 6:3O p. Sabbath School -
III. Prayer Meetings at 1850 p. m. Sunday Tuesday
aud Friday evenings.
Bdptist-Railroad Street Corner Maple Rev.
+. I, Sandford, Pastor. Preaching 1880 4. NJ. 5.
School l2 NJ. Prayer meeting $50. PRAYER meet
ing Wednesday evening at 1880
Free Bdpiist-Main Street. Corner Prospect.
Rev. ii. LOckhart, Pastor Sabbath services, 1890
A. NJ, and $50 P. N Sabbath School at - NJ Prayer
meeting Wednesday evening at 100
Church Of the Messidh-( Universalist.) Eastern
avenue, corner Cherry street. Rev b. N. TillOt-
Sabbath School at IL NJ. Wednesday evening meet
ing at 1880.
Methodist-Central street. Rev K. S Locke,
Pastor. Residence next to the Church. Sab
school at IL NJ. Wednesday evening meeting at
1870
North OOngregationaE-Main street, corner OF
Church. Rev Henry W. Jones, Pastor. sabbath
School at las P. M. Wednesday evening meeting
at 1870
South OongregationGI-Main street. Rev Ed
ward I. Fairbanks. Pastor. Sabbath services at
1890 A. NJ, and $50 p. NJ Sabbath School at IL NJ
Wednesday evening meeting at 7:3O.
PresbyteriGn Chureh-Rsv. W. k. Laird pas
tor. Services at Presbyterian Hall, every Sab
bath at 1880 a. m. 800 p. Sabbath school 200.
Prayer meeting 6:30. Bible reading Wednesday
evening 1880.
st. Andrews-( Epscopal,) Main street, Rev
Rev. Mr.. Fisher, Supply. Services on Sundays at
1880 4. m, and 3 p. Holy days and Fridays at
"A. IN. Wednesdays at 1880 p. M. Sunday School,
at $3.50 p.
Roman OathoIic-Cherry Street. Rev. j. A.
Boissonnault. Parish Priest. Mass and 10 a. m
Vespers and Benediction at p. III. On the
second Sunday of the month, service at $50 a ~,
and p. III. At LyndOnville same day at 1890 a. IN.
T. II. O. A.-Meetings at the roOms of the Y. NJ.
e. A, Browns Building, Main Street Sunday
mornings at $50 Saturday evenings at 1880.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-27
To Amateur Printers.

A lev fonts tyDs partly worn, for sale cheap
Specimens sent On receipt Of stamp.
e. M STONE co.