Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-02-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

AN OLD lady wants to know what is
meant by "mean time" Our watch
keeps it.
MONTREAL has got hold of a New York
drummer who has three wives, and was
after a fourth when arrested. Salary,
S15 per week. =
AT spelling school in Green Bay the
Mayor went down on the word
tknuckle," and two preachers wrestled
in vain with Similarity"
AVON that which you blame others
for doing, says one of our wise men.
Well, things have come to pretty pass
if a man can't kiss his own wife.
Our of 100 samples OF wines ant
WHISTLES sold over the high toned bar
in New York, only two were found FIRE
from poison and gross aduiteration.
"YEs," said the farmer, s'barbed wire
fence is expensive, but the hired man
doesn't stop and rest for five minutes
on top of it every time lie has to climb
it."
STUDENT (not very clear as TO his les
SOM "That's what the author says,
anyway" "l done want the author, I
want you," Student (despairingly
swell, you've got me. :"
"WHY does a donkey eat this'les p
asked an Austin teacher of one of the
largest boys in the class. "RScauss he
is donkey, reckon" was the prompt
reply.-TerdS .Siftings. ~
A CERTAIN doctor of divinity said
every blade of grass was a sermon. The
next day he was amusing himself by
clipping his lawn, when parishioner
said, "That's right, doctor-cut your
sermons short"
IL Paris, on New Years Day, an or
gan-grinder applied at many houses 80,
gifts. Whenever asked Why he should
begiven anything be would say, "Why,
because l haven't once played in front
of your house for q whole year." a.
The income of the world is S13, 900,
000,00 year, its aggregate debt $10,S
GOO, 600, 600 aud its aggregate capital
SS5, ZOO, 100000 How should you like
to be ''silent partner with the world?
Netc HIren Register.
DEAF man-Yes, a railroad track is a
nice level place TO walk on, but do not
do it, for you might get yourself dis
liked by the engineers. They hat
fully to get their engines unused
Philadelphia News.
THE Louisville Courier,
the following conundrur
leon Bonaparte had be
dunk, and George "
been born in ST
Oscar Wilde hav,
midst?"
AN English writer
ficatIon quotes San L
can as saying 1.-THE VIC
fooling around the Horn wil
across the Isthmus for q few
million dollars. It Sta
look at the map.
A LADY who was brunette hal
to show her maid one of those
sticking plaster profiles which they
to call silhouettes. 1t was the pr
of the lady's aunt, whom the girl
never seen, and she said, quite il
Gently, LA, maam, always thou
as how you had some black relate
you are SO dark like YOURSELF
know"
An old topper offered his ten-yes
10y u HCW I1ChCl II llC NOuiu 1CbCA
a dark bottle that stood in the cor,
the pantry shelf, without his mot
discovering it. The lad secured
prize and was making off with it,
his mother suddenly yelled.
have you got in that bottle, Johr
81 don't know" answered the inr
boy; ''it's labeled tomato sauce,
smells just like dads breath.
Ign Briefs.
WHY can't people say -
father in better way than .
Words, cadence, infection an
thing else has got twisted and
out OF shape. The New York
''Ma-r' with the jerk on
The Philadelphia girl says
through. her nose. The ST..
says Ma-mar; the Boston
Muir muir; the Baltimore Bea
muir and Par-pur. The little
says Pa all and Ma-ah. TIL
girl says "Porr and Morr,"
lyn says Par-pah and Nah
little London girls say, ''NoN
alb, you make me lowofl'
SATISFACTORY evidence: 1t
past ten o'clock Sunday night.
Mrs. Marrowfat mad gone to
Julia and her Theodore still liz
the parlor. A profound silence
over the house until the NOM
for the lovers to part and th
folks distinctly heard such
pressed ordinations as ''Cht
''Wow Mr.. Marrowfat Ia
ard his wife and, quietly kn
in the back with his elbow to
intellect, said: "It's all RICH
jules vaccination is going
BroOklyn Eagle.
YOUNG man at Elkhar
| started a six column week.,
the avowed object of crest
Republic its wonted grande
perity." You can't do it, Y,
We tried for six years to res
public to IFS wonted grandeur
perity by publishing the
in this country and taking
slab wood on subscription
had money enough to buy
of late years we have lie
grandeur of the Republic
self, and the 1st of Janr
over So ,Peck's San.