Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-12-15
BURSTED BUBBLES.

ing at the north is all nonsense, stuff
and mince-piety.
He did one good thing: Robson
ascribes his defeat to Keifer's speeches.
keifer is not so bad fellow, after all.
Manages to get even: ''Gin ruins
genius" says an exchange. Yes, but
genius ruins a good deal of gin, so it's
about a stand, off.
Literary query: A new book is titled
"Short Sayings of Great Men," When
are we to have the "Grest Sayings of
Short Mem
Spelling it with "que:" The fash
ion journal says: "Cnecks are now in
style" Not by the looks of our sub
scription lists.
Duties that should stand: We trust
that during the general cutting down
of duties congress will not attempt to
abolish the duties to constituents.
Proposed change of name: A cor
respondent suggests that the name of
Washington be changed to Whitewash-
ington, on account of its facilities in
that line.
Girls shouldn't whistle: "If," says
the chronological Journal, "whistling
will drive away the blues, why
shouldn't the girls whistler" Pshawl if
they did, the puppies would run after
them more than ever.
A mistake: "Ah, excuse me-" ex-
claimed an Arkansaw man as he
knocked down a stranger in the street:
81 thought that you were friend of
mine. My eyesight is failing me, so
that L have to wear glasses"
The terrible infant: "Julia, my lit
tie cherub, when does your sister En-
ma RETURN" Julis-"I don't know"
Didn't she say anything before she
went away" Julia-''She said if you
came to see. her she'd be gone TIL. dooms-
day"
Journalistic recruit: Father l wish
to live so AS to show my contempt for
wealth." remarked young philoso-
pher, who was.just recovering from the
effects of fifty cent cigar. That's
easy enough, said the old man; "be-
come an editor
A 'corker:" "What's your occupa-
tion?" asked judge OF "drunk" that
came up for inspection in the morning.
'I'm q calker, sir" was the reply. "a
calker." exclaimed the judge, what
an inaptitude Of language; should
say you were an uncorker. Give him
thirty days" CHATS 'corker' surely, "
was the victims retort.
A nice fable: A Dog and his Tail
fell into Dispute as to which should
Wag the Other. An itinerant Wasp
passing that Way causually Remarked
''Speaking of Tails, reminds me that |
Possess one which may possibly be In
huential enough to Wag you Both. "
This fable teaches thl5 ten cents worth
ofDynamite is bigger than a Cauroh
Steeple.
Sic transit:
Venus and Langtry, on the pnbliH ways.
By day conceal their charms from vulgar gaze.
So Venus wells her beauty in the clouds,
Langtrysin gauZe her fascination shrouis;
AMI yet these stars when night lights up her
gases,
Freely unfold their charms to opera glasses
AChicago Partingtpn: An Iandiana
avenue lady dropped in on one of her
neighbors for an afternoon cali. How
is your daughter she inquired.
Splendid. Sac has j,l5t got back from
the State Nominal school, where she
cyphered clear through from ambition
to chemical fractures, and then she
took up pottery and jobbery All says
she can speculate the internal calcu-
ticns."
As to haste: A man who had Been
Drinking went Home Late one Night.
and Hung his Hat and Cane upon his
Breath, instead of upon the Hat Rack.
The hat rack, being OF a naturally
Sensitive Disposition, began to C1ido
the Man. "Pray, be calm, -" said the
Man, what [ am doing Is Intended
Simply as an Intimation to you that
am Fuller than Goat" This fable
Teaches us that Haste frequently
leads us to Misinterpret the Motives
of others.
The weathercock: Candidate-"I
may as we'll tell you, Mr.. Smith, that l
am unalterably opposed to this meas
ure." Mr. Smith-"Sorry for that.
The people are bound to have it go
and the man who is in its favor will
get their votes" Candidate-"0h, is
that so? Well, I don't mind telling
you, Mr.. Smith, that have all along
been secretly in favor of it, and now
that the public mind is ready to &C
knowledge the justice of it, can
assure you that this m easure shall have
my warmest support. You are au-
thorized to say that have all my life
longed for the time when this meas
ure might be pressed forward to adop
ton"
She admitted to her mother that the
young man had made very strong
impression on her. eyes," remarked
the old lady, 81 can see where the i'm
preston mashed the lace fiat as clean
napkin. Don't letit happen again"
Spinks went home the other night
afflicted with double vision. He sat
for some time with his sleepy eyes riv-
eted on Mrs. S., aud then com placently
remarked: "Well, 1 declare, f you
two gals don't look 'nough like to be
twins"
A Georgia man, who has been mar
ried seven times, says he has had awful
hard luck. He'd scarcely get wife
before she'd die and he'd have to go to
the expense of counting and marrying
another. The thing got to be ruinous.
What provid entail thing it is that
as general rule, by the time the eld-
est girl gets OLD enough to have q beau
the youngest child is old enough to
sleep quietly. A cross baby yelling up
stairs would be fearful damper on
courtship.
TIE young girls who enter the Eng
lish postal service get $3.50 per week
st first. If they are real good girls.
after few years they get so cents or
81 more. Many of them remain single,
because the salary Is not large enough
to support husband.
A caole dispatch of last evening,
from London, announced "the death
of Frances Maria Kelly, at one time
one OF the most noted actresses OF the
United Kingdom"
Mira. Craig Wadsworth, the New
York lady who, the gossips say, is like
" to become Mrs. President Arthur,
has been in Europe since June, but is
expected back in Washington this
month.
Slang is dangerous language. Re
Gently when a handsome young wife
went to hardware store to get one of
them wooden contrivances 70 mash
notatoes. and said, 81 want q masher"