The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-03-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

pressed for money-by other people.
The latest aesthetic slang the ladies'
use when reprovinE their admiring
gentlemen friends is, "You hatter
to aWfully perfectly much"
A Connecticut man, aged "a and
once worth $15. 900, has been ar
rested for stealing eight cents worth
OF spruce lumber. Poor old man
Not enough lett to pay for bis
board.
A kind husband. A neighbor of
Mr.. Miggs's, slanoing out of the
window, observed that estimable
man plugging up the knot holes in
his backyard fence, and ventured
to ask: "Any hard feelings agin the
woman next door ?'' mo" re-
turned Miggs, placidIy. MRS. Ms
got rheumatic Ia the jaw and the
doctor says she must keep quiet"
There, there, don't cry any MORE
said the kind-hearted stranger to a
little girl who was leaning against
the railing in front of public
schooihouse, weeping as il her
heart would break; tell us what's
the matter" The child turned two
highly infsmed orbs up at the good
Samaritan. and then stammered be-
tween her sobs: "All the girls in my
class we're vaccinated last week, and
mines the only one that hasn't
took"
A confession: "I've had that enc
boot shine played on me-" said Sniff
kins, "and I wish you'd show it up.
A eamin offered to give me q shine
for nickel. I put my LETT hoof I'D
on his box; he polished it, raped on
the side of the box and said, Gimme
q nickel l ssid 60 On with the
other boot. 'N-a.a.wl l said a
shine for nickel. Another nickel,
boss, for the other boot I had to
give it."
A dinner party-the youngest gen.
tlemsn lit is his first visit has
broken the ice at last by inquiring
the name OF the hostess's little
daughter, to which the little child
replied Ethel. And why. Ethel, do
you keep pstting me no the arm ?"
Because mamma says you are a
muf"-(awful pause, during which
the child strokes him doWn)-"but
got don't feel like one you know"
Tableau.
Anything taken place, to-day ?"
asked Mr.. Freinghuysen, as he
walked in and elevated his boots to
the top of the cabinet table,
Nothing" replied Mr.. Arthur,
without looking up from the tantal-
zing pages OF the patent report.
There were lots OF fellows here
who wanted to take it, however.
Thus doth the oasis of innocent
nirth tighten up the barren waste
If official life.
A two-foot rule was given to
aborer in a Clyde boat-yard to
an iron plate. The laborer
not being up in the use OF the rule,
alter spending q considerable time,
'eturned. Now, Mick. asked the
platter, "What size Is the plate P''
Well" replied mick, with a grin OF |
atisiaction, ''it's the length of your |
ule and two thumbs over, with this
,iece OF brick, and the breadth of |
ny hand and my arm from here to
here, bar finger"
A picture OF still life: A vsRrant
corpion strolled leisurely down a
lank leaning against a fence on
susk street, just ss the sun reached
be zenith yesterday. On that plank
enslvely reclined q negro whose
was profound and
1ost unsteady eVinced by q sound
mitted from bis open mouth that
scslled to the minds OF psssers the
AVS OF the pitsaW. When the scor-
ion and the African made the con-
lnction, to say that the African
woke is MOI al exaggeration. As
e tore the reptile from his sWarthy
eek and pulveri2ed it in the mud
eaeath the heel of No. Is brogan
e got of some such expression So
le following: "Dat scarapinlizard
lust think got my neck half soled
id leather spon, dog-gone him %
Thrashing OtheIlo: a theatrical
was performing "Othello"
/ one of the Connecticut provinces.
wing to the illness of the lady who
layed the role of Desdemona q 10.
81 trsgedienne was assigned that
art. When che saw the enraged
I'd fosming Moor advancing to
mother her, her courage gave out,
nd hastily crawling under the bed,
1e began to yell FOR the police. The
Rivalry OF the pit was aroused. A
urdy young countryman mounted
} the stage, and graphing Othello,
lopped him around vigorously,
mid the applause of the boys. When
e recovered his freedom snd his
resth be explained that he didn't
,ean to hurt the girl and was only
blowing the cue OF Shakespeare.
All right" replied the rustic cham
ion, "When you come around again
Itch Shakespeare with you, and If
e can lick me I'll treat"