Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-06-12
A GOOD SERMON.


A GOOD SERMON.
''How wicked we am when we sot
down and fink it ober," said Brother
Gardner, as the voice of the triangle
struck the hour of seven. "While /
kept tryin' to believe in Heben, [
keep wonderin' how many of us will
eber git dar. We mus not b'ar false
witness, an yit we am forebar'
stretchin' de truf. We mus not lie
an yit it comes so handy dat we can't
help it. We mus not steal, an
an some don't. Dat is we doan'
get inter posishun to handle de
funds. We mus not be jealous, and
yit when de woman across de way,
whose husband arms Sc per week,
sails out wild fo' new bonnets ya'ar,
am it human natur' fur my ole wom-
an to look arter her an not wish she
had hold of her black ha'r? We
mus not sw'ar, an yit what am l to
do when / strike the end of side
walk plank wild my fut, or whack
my thumb wild de hammer? Am
it to be supposed dad l will calm
ly sot down an sing gospel hymn?
"When we trade hosses wild a man
we cheat him. When a man wants
to borry half dollar of us; we lie
to him. We play keerds, dance, 90
to theatre an circus, an we doan'
turn our backs on a dog-fight. | tell
you we am all poo, weak human be-
in, an eben while we fatter our
selves dat we am slidin' long lords
Heben at de rate of mile minute,
we am all ready to pass led nickel
on street kyar company, or pocket
de So bill found in de post-office.
When | sot down at night an pull
on my buUes an put my reeU Ill DC
oven an git to thinkin' of how hard
l try to be good, an powerful easy
it is to be bad, | become so absorbed
in my thoughts dat the ole woman
has to hit me on de ear wild a 'tater
to bring me back to airth an start
me out arter an armful of wood.
Gem len, let us continer to try to
be angels, but let us count on wrest-
lin wild Satan about fo'ty times a
day, an on bein' frown fiat on our
backs ebery blessed time. We will
now iritate de usual order of biz
ness
Ten gallons OF most excellent root beer made in l2
hours with bottle of butchers Extract of Roots for
Homemade Beer; all other material in the house.
Only 25 cents. Its worth trying any way"
A DIFFERENCE.-Circ do
most assuredly alter cases. A man
who had horse to sell was asked by
a gentleman who invaded his stable
what he asked for him.
"That horse" was the reply, sis
a remarkable animal. A child can
drive him; he's as tame as a kitten,
and was never known to shy. l will
sell him for one hundred and fifty
dollars.
The stranger took out from his
side pocket mysterious looking
book and put down the sum the mar
had mentioned.
''Do you want to buy my horse?
the stable-keeper asked.
ssOh, no, / don't want to buy an,
horse; | am the tax collector, an(
1 am around apprising property
"Oh, ah, yes, l see. Well, il
that case, l may as well confess tha
l have exaggerated matters. Tha
horse, if l were going to sell him i
all / have described him to be ant
well worth the price / asked. Blu
as horse to be taxed he is old
spawned, kicker, vicious, and no
worth a penny more than twenty
five dollars"
A DELIGHTFUL NovELTY.-Lades prefer Foresto
Cologne because they find this lasting combinatio
of exquisite perfumes delightful novelty.
How To SAY IT.-Say "for yol
and me-" and not ''for you and L.
Say "whether be present or not,
and not .'present or no.
Say mot that | know and nc
"that know Of
Say "return it to me" and not ''re
turn it back to me-.
Say Il seldom see him." and nc
81 seldom or ever see him"
Say "fewer friends, and not ''les
friends"
Say 'sif l mistake not and nc
: ssif | am not mistaken.
i Say 'sgame is plentiful, and nc
'sgame is plenty"
Say II am weak in compariso
with you" and not Ito you."
Say ssit rains very fast" and nc
: every hard"
Say Il lifted it," and not 81 lifr
: ed it up"
r And last but not least, say g
1 take my paper and pay for it in az
vance," and be sure not to lie abo,
e it.
Puny, weak. and sickly children. need Browns Ir
D Bitters. 1t win strengthen and invgorate them.