The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-05-17

"Where are you gong now shiu
Batkins, the other day, to his friend
Lonely, the widower. "Only to the
church to be repaired" was the answer,
as the speaker looked lovingly at one OF
the opposite sex who stood at his elbow,
A Methodist clergyman named Way,
OF a rather jocular nature and very
cadaverous build, was recently accosted
by man. with tho inquiry: "Are you
Pastor WayP" Passed awayH was
the response; "bless you, no! I'm good
deal Of skeleton, I'll own, but |
haven't quite passed away yet"
Said Brown, grandiloquently, "lhave
no money TO give to any of these public
calls. My duty is nearer. ! must sup
port those whom hold dear" Eyes"
replied Fogg, understand. Youmean
to say that you are like the Auburn
prison-self-supportng, you know"
It's wel-known that NJ Legouve, who
Is such master Of the art of reading,
writes detestabIy,-a hand like inky fly
tracks A lady said, speaking of him
to one Of his colleagues; Wonderful
reader, NJ Le2ouve, CHI" "WonderfulP
call him supernatural; he can even
read his own handwriting"
Said Jones, who had just returned
from q visit outside between tho acts,
80, darling, | had such a fright! 1t
almost took my breath away" "Mer-
cy'' exclaimed Mrs. j., turning her face
away; II wish it had, John" And John
looked sheepish enough, as he shyly in
serted Glove in his mouth.
"Somc other folks would deceive you
about these goods, but | have been in
the business twenty years, and never
told lie" said the guileless dry-goods
clerk "And why do you begin now"
said the gentle fair one in front of the
counter us she gathered her draperies
together and glided away.
A Connecticut doctorknows of thirty
two cases where young ladies have
crooked their legs all out of shape by
wearing high-heeled shoes. Detroit
Free Press. Always go away from home
to learn the news There are not thir-
ty-two young ladies with crooked-we
beg pardon, our attention is called and
we'll finish this paragraph at another
time. -NeD Hpren Register
"'Tis no use! we are now in the worst
crisis of our historyw said an enthusiast
tic young reformer at the family supper
table. Subsidy and Peridy openly
walk hand in handr' "Mebbe they be
going to get married, Tommy" put
in the venerable grandmother, land
that makes things not rs bad as they
look to you. remember when l was a
girl, and your grandfather came court
ing"
Post obit;- Mrs Malloy-"S hure, Mrs.
McGinnis, an it's rather poorly yer
looking this morning" Mrs. McGinnis
-'Indadc, thin, Mrs. Malloy, an it's
good raison I'm havin' to look poorly.
Here's the postman just been to the
doors to tell me there's dead letter
waitin' fur me at the postoffice; an |
can't fur the life of me think who it is
that's dead"
A dinner-party; The youngest gentle
man Git is his first VISIT has broken the
ice at last by inquiring the name of the
hostess's little daughter, to which the
child replied, Ethel" "And why,
Ethel, do you keep patting me on the
arm?" because mamma says you're
a muff awful pause, during which
the child strokes him dowh-"but you
don't feel like one, you know" Tab
leau.
A country clergyman went away on a
visit, and took only one sermon with
him. 1t was so much praised by the
congregation of the place that he was
called upon to preach on the next day,
as it was fast day. The preacher rumi-
mated the whole night on what he was
to do to rescue himself from the predic-
ament in which he was placed. The
dreaded hour arrived, when he mounted
the pulpit, and with great solemnity
said, Brethren, some persons have ac-
cused me of advancing propositions to
you yesterday contrary to the faith, and
of having misrepresensed many passages
Of Scripture Now, TO convince you
how much | have been wronged, and to
make known to you the purity OF my
doctrine, l shall repcM my sermon. So
pray be attentive"