Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-07-12
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

Press.
On the resolutions being put heard
young Irishman telling his companion,
with genuine satisfaction, that "they
were carried anonymously, begorra. -
st. James Gazette.
WHERE one man carries an umbrella
to keep his whole body dry, twenty
carry it to keep their toes dry while the
rain streams down their coat-tails.-
Detroit Free Press.
The Leavenworth Gun Club has a
shoot next Tuesday, and will hereafter
shoot twice a month. The date Will be
announced beforehand, so the farmers
can drive in their cattle.-BOstoya Post.
I" [ NOTICE that Ingersoll has lost $50
900 in worthless mining stocks. 1t is
very evident that Mr.. Ingersoll can make
a mistake himself once in q while. -
Noses.
WHITELAw REID is said to be Sleep
walker. He is married DOW and should
remember the fate Of Theodore Tilton.
He, too, occasionally took a turner
round the house in his sleep.-Ev0ns-
USlle argus.
JUDGE ToURGEE says the live man is
always to be found in front. In funeral
professions down here in Texas, we have
noticed that the remains were in front,
and the live men came struggling along
behind.-Zeras S&ftimgs.
HEARD on Third Street; "My
gracious, what's the matter? You look
all broken up; been up all night with
the boys ?" "No, been up all night
g. girl" GA girl p eyes, girl about
ten months old. She's teething."
"LINEs on my little son, as the father
said when he ''larrupped his youthful
heir with the clothes line for playing
"hookey." code to my father, said
the boy, when by the aid of hand glass
he looked at the war map on his back
Boston Times.
ACCORDING to a local paper Man
chester, n. H., man dreamed that he was
chasing a rabbit. In his dream he
jumped from third-story window and
broke both legs. "Rabbit" is new
name for it, but it is little more high
toned than snakes.
PROPOSING remedy for mosquitoes,
the Hammonton Hornet says: "Place
a small piece of raw meat on a plate In
your sleeping-room, and the birds will
light on it and never fly away" Our
''birds'' would fly away with the meat,
plate and all.-C0DaC1en Post.
A KENTUCKY Judge recently sentenced
man who had stolen herd of cattle to
one years imprisonment. and then sent
a negro up for three years for stealing a
few pounds of copper. When the latter
was asked If he had anything to say pre-
vious to sentence, he remarked that he
had not, but only regretted that he
hadn't stolen drove OF cattle instead of
that piece of copper.
che is the happiest man, says Henry
Ward Beecher, "who can carry the
golden threads of boyish enjoyment far
thest along through the web of life"
Apropos, the Boston Post respectfully
wishes to know of Mr.. Beecher if he can
' still take comfort in putting a wet
sponge In an old gentleman's boot, so
that when he puts on the boot the water
will squirt way up his leg"
Bob BURDETTE on the road: A woman
comes into the car, sits down and opens
the window just SO it blows cinders and
cyclone of cold air over us. Her baby
sticks its head out of that window at
once, and before It can draw it's breath
away goes the darling's bonnet, fluffy
little marvel of lace and French muslin
and embroidery. Wonder in the baby's
eyes, despair in the mothers face, and
wild, malignant JOY in the expression of
the man who has just picked up a cir
der from the window with his eye. And
so we sail on to GAINESVILLE.
SOMETIMES the man who wants to be
wit has his weapon turned against him
self. At great dinner an eccentric
clergyman saw huge dish of crosses,
and drawing it in front of him, began
the work of destruction. The il1-man-
nered company laughed and one of them
said said with a sheer, "Dr. McC., you
remind me of Northumberland The
old gentleman looked slyly out of the
corner of his eye, and replied: S'Aye,
man, so I remind you of Nebuchadnez-
Ear, do I? Well, I think it. must be
because I am eating among the brutes.
PRENTICE was playing at poker on a
thousand on his hand; his opponent
a thousand; his opponent raised, him five
uuuuIOu3 IOnC1CC again AnIOCO UAC 0O6lhC
a thousand. "Mr. Prentice, said the
opponent, confidently, you are betting
more than your hand is worth" Prentice
looked at his hand, turned it down on the
table, and said, ''Sir, if I were playing
with Jupiter, at star ante, would
darken the heavens on the hand I have
just turned down." DenUer Inter
Ocean.
A YOUNG gentlemen was in the Sun
Office yesterday, waiting to know the
definition of word Monticello" We
couldn't enlighten nina. He said he
knew that "Mott meant mount, but he
could not make out tcellO." We re-
ferred him to Webster's unabridged. He
fail to find cello, but thought by looking
up violin-cello he might get some light
on the subject. He found that it meant
a violin an octave lower than the tenor
violin. "Eureka!' he exclaimed, l have
found it: ""Mont mount, cello =
an octave lower; consequently Month
cello'-a mountain and octave lower