The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-10-14
CILE ASEET
cit il NOT nncessa,.v for MOI,

Dut IL seems SORT o nail way neCeSS-
AIRY for a man to be poor if he is hon
est.
Turks always swear by the beard of
the prophet, but that's too long an
oath TO satisfy an American who has
shut his thumb in a door.-Boston
Post
The average life of locomotive is
only thirty years, but the average life
of a locomotive engineer is sixty. The
engineer can jump.-Philadelphia
News.
Boston lovers now write their love
letters in cypher, and when the old
man finds note reading, "No. g
before-x-1S-page pa. B. c.
H." he drops it like hot potato.
Positive, fusion; comparative, con-
fusion; superlative, diffusion-that is
the about the way they put the word
thro' its changes ih Maine. They are
rare grammarians down there.-Bos-
ton Journal.
The man who bet that he could dis
perse a crowd gazing at a dog fight
by taking up collection, says he
didn't think he could be licked
and thrown over fence in such Il
short space Of time.
"Heaven lies about us in our in
fancy" says the poet. The inference
is that as soon as we get big enough
to talk we can be relied on to lie
about ourselves. If we do not, our
enemies will lie about us.-Tex. Sift.
It's very easy to start false reports.
Just because a Philadelphia woman,
while buying a broom wanted one
with a heavy and strong handle it was
reported around that she was in the
habit Of beating her husband.
Uncle Rube's philosophy: "Ef yer
want ter make 'oman mad an ap-
pear pleased, tell her oh a fault; but
eff yer wanster make her pleased an
appear mad, tell her dat she's good
lOokin'. ."-Arkansaw Traveller.
Old gentleman Cooking at very
bob tailed horse): "Bless mel how
short they have cut his tail" Attend
ant: "His master is member of the
Society for the Protection of Animals,
sir. In this fashion he will not annoy
the poor flies.
The New York Advertiser man
wrote: 'Earth's gloomy pathway is
now nightly lighted with flying mete-
ors, and molten masses shoot swift
ly athwart the star-fretted dome"
Then he went home to have his head
bandaged with towels filled with
cracked ice.
The ruling passion strong in death:
John" feebly moaned society lady,
who was about shuffling of'the mortal
coil; John if the newspapers say any
thing about my debut into another
world, just send me a dozen marked
copies. New York Commercial Adj
vertiser.
In a Deadwood church the other
day the large congregation were de-
voutly kneeIing in prayer, when an ir-
reverent joker quit audibly whispered:
"Here comes an eastern detective.n In
seventeen seconds all of that congre-
CATION except the chief elder had slid
through the windows.
"Mr. Brown, do YOU eat mush?n
asked 4-year-old fend of his sisters
beau. "Why, Johnnie?" Coos sister
says she wishes you wouldn't talk like
you had a mouthful of mush." Sister
faints, and Brown he remembers
that he has an engagement in Austria
liza.
A crusty old fellow once asked:
"What is the reason that griffins, dra-
gons, and devils are ladies' favorite
subjects for embroidery designs?" ''Ah
because they are continually thinking
of their husbands" was the lady's
quick retort.
The duty of man is not wilder
ness of turnpike gates, through which
he is to pass by tickets from one to
the other. 1t is plain and consists but
of two points-his duty to God, which
every man must feel; and, with respect
to his neighbor, to do as he would be
done by.-Thomas Paine.
"N'ill you please pass the Shem?"
asked quiet man at the lunch coun-
ter. Haven't anyw squealed the
girl in attendance. "Some Japhet?"
queried the quiet man again. "Don't
keep it" sqealed the damsel. "I
say" Clipped in curious passenger,
''what do you mean by Shem and
Japhet?" |'Nothing," responded the
little man, dolefully, nothing, only
the ham is so old and musty that I
thought the rest Of the tribe might be
around here somewhere, and I'd like
to see 'em. brakes Travellers Mag
azine.
An Arkansas boy, who had been
reading humorous paper, remarked
to his father, who was in the field
Grading" wheat: "Say, pap, why
does your cradle cut unwillingly?"
because its dull, reckon" replied
the old man. NO" said the boy,
"because it goes against the grain"
The old man dropped the cradle, went
to the house and sent the following to
the humorous paper: Stop sending
that sheet to my boy He didn't have
much sense in the fust place, but now
he has gone crazy. ."-Arkansaw Ira
veler