South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-12-15
WIT AND E1UsIOse.
A lady had in he, employment an .

tried 70 tell her wash her face without
otfsnding her. aud At last resor,ed to
strategy. DO you know, Bridget she
remarked ia o confidential manner, it
is said il you wash tue face every hay
in hot soapy water it will mako you
beautiful will itr answered the
willy Bridget. Sure lisa wonder ye
niver tried It.. ma'am!
A DILEMMA few days since the
wife of popular drummer presented
him with three bouncing babies. In
his family there is little six year-ol d
cherub Of girl. aud when she was
taken IN to sec the group her sstonish-
ment knew no bounds. Gszing upe
the new arrivals for few moments, she
looked up at her Either and said:
Papa, don't you think this is little
too much Of good thingP'
Miss Brown. Pve been 10 learn how
TO tell fortunes. said q young fellow to
brisk t. inette. just let me have
your hand. if you please. La. MIR.
White, how sudden you are! Well. go
and ask Papa
~ grocer advertised that re had for
sale the kind or apples that Eve ate,
ana the next day hi, house was crowd:
cd with women.
One morning, Franks mother gave
him new shirt to put on. IL proved
10 be as much too large as the ones he
had been wearing were TOO small Run.
ming 10 his mother. Frank exclaimed:
Mamma, do feel full lonesome IN
this thirt !
Willie, sail good mother 10 her
naughty little boy, when you went to
the cupboard TO steal those tarts, wer-
emit you afraid Of sone,hingf'
Yes ma'aw,' was the reply.
What were you afraid Of. my son?'
Afraid l couldn't find tue tart..'
A teacher was trying to make johnny
ander&tand the science of simple di-
vision.
Now, Johnny she said If you had
an orange which you wished to divide
with your little sister. how much would
you give her3'
Johnny thought i, over for momen,
and replied:
"A sack
a colored preacher. In transla,ing to
his hearers the sentence: The harvest
is past, the summer is over. and we are
not saved put il: de corn uas been
cribbed, dere amt any more work, and
old Satan Is still foolin' wid dis com.
munity.'
At a recent railroad dinner. in COM
pliIent to the legal fraternity, the toast
was given AN honest lawyer, the no.
blest work OF Cod hut an old farmer
in the back part OF tho hall rather spoil.
cd tho effect by adding, in loud voice
and aoout the scarcest'
Where's the molasses, Bill" said q
redhesded woman sharply TO her son.
who had returnod with an empty Jug.
None IN the city, mother. Every gro
Ger has large board outside, with tho
letters chalked on N. o. Molasses.'
The whole pork or nothing: Mis-.
tress-'Were you baptized, Keziah.
when you wore named?' Maid-'Law,
maan. we don't baptize in our church
ws inmerge,'
'You mustn't touch tho top Of the ba-
by's head said q mother to her little
four year old 'sbe has a soft spot there
that is very tender
The youpgster gazed at il curiously
for moment, aud then asked:
Do all babies have soft spots on their
boads?'
Yes
Did papa have soft spot on the top
Of bis head when he was baby?'
Yes replied the mother with a sigb.
and he has got it yet
And the old man who had overheard
the conversation from an q joining room
sang out:
Yes, indeod be has, my dear boy, or
ha would mo sioyIa man to1,y'
a fellow who wbs told by clergy
man that the wages OF Elm hadn't been
cut down one iota, remarked, Tota have
learned that trade long ago
pIa by ere wrote St. Louis belle
to Chicago professor, who irnmodi-