davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
GOT him OAR.

There is an old darkey in Austin who
claims to have studied "fiosify outen 6
book. He propounds unanswerable
questions to the lawyers whose rooms
he cleans, and he discusses f'pints O
law" with the justice of the peace of
his precinct. Yesterday he went into
the Justice court and said: "Jedge, kin
L git 'dictment writ agin dat wufless
niger, Pete?'
"What's he bein doing ?"
"He's procrastimator. He's bin a
procrastimatin', sah."
''Procrastinating? %
eyes, sab, OATS what he's bin a dom
fur a fac"
"But there's no law against that"
mo law agin procrastimation ? Den
what's de law fur? Amt procrastina.
tion de thief OBJ time?'
Certainly, I believe it has been so
stated"
'Well, den, amt Pete thief ?"
"Yes, You might so construe it, but
you cannot convict man for stealing
time"
"No, but when we hab got de proof
on him fur stealin' time, we hab got de
circumstantial Evidence agin him fur
stealth money? Got yer dar, jedge."
And while the judge and the lawyers
groaned, the old man went out chuck
ling to himself: SCOT him oar. Got
de ledge dis time suah yer foot high"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
A Patent Medicine Paradise.

If the negroes in the South could
read there would be such a demand for
patent medicine, porous plasters, pills
and stomach bitters as would force everv
manufacturer to double his help and
capacity. The negro is always ailing.
No matter how healthy he looks or how
strong he seems, he believes himself
afflicted. If he could read almanacs and
circulars he would think 80 twice as
strongly.
At Dalton, Ga, I saw a big fellow
pick up barrel of flour as easily as r
could have lifted twenty-five pound
sack, and when l complimented him on
his strength he replied:
eyes, boss, 1 seems powerful strong,
but you doan' know what a hard time ]
has of it. Ize got liber complaint. dys-
pepsia and 6onsumpshtn, an 1 reckon
1 won't neber see snow fly again"
I asked him what remedies he had
been using, and he replied that he had
been taking the dust of burnt leather
and mixing it with cold tea. Nothing
whatever allied him, but if he could have
got hold of $40 he would have used
eight of it in buying medicine,
was in livery stable at Marietta
when a man came in with bottle of
prepared Jamaica ginger. One of the
colored men employed about the stable,
who hadn't lost day for years and who
looked as rugged as mountain, looked
at the bottle three or four times and
then asked
"Whatye got dar. Kurnel?"
"Something for apoplexy," was the
reply.
"Would We mind givin' me sip of it
kase my apoplexy has been takin on in
de moas' drefuI manner for de las
week ?"
"You can take pull if you wish to-"
The cork was drawn and the negro
lifted up the bottle and took three heavy
swallows of the fiery stuff. The next
three minutes ware the longest and hot.
est ones he ever saw, but as soon as he
could speak he remarked:
"Ah but dat stuff seems to hit de
right spot. reckon it will cure up my
apoplexy all right, an like huff ] may
light on sumthin' else good fur conges-
ton of de lungs an water on de BRAIN"
M QUAD
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
SOCIETY NOTE.

The harmony of social gathering at
the Yerger Mansion on Austin avenue.
was in manner marred by the conduct
of Kosiusko Murphy.
There were some choice figs on the
table, and Murphy helped himself so
literally that Mrs. Yerger, who prides
herself on her gentility, became ex-
asperated. Finally, when Murphy
reached for the figs for the fifth time,
she remarked with asperity:
''Mr. Murphy, you ought to go to
California to live."
81 would like to very much; but
then would miss the refined culture of
the Austin people,
But you ought to go to California,
nevertheless.
'Why so?" he asked, reaching out
for more figs.
because I read in newspaper that
figs are so plentiful there that they feed
them 10 the hogs"
Murphy was so carried away by the
magnitude of the fig crop on the Pacific
slope that, without waiting to finish his
supper, he started at once, probably to
get his ticket before the office closed.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
GAINING A CH11D's AFFECTIONS.

Parson Whangdoodle Baxter was out
walking last Sunday in the suburbs Of
Austin, when he suddenly came upon a
colored urchin, who had absented him
self from Sunday school, and who fled at
the sight of his spiritual adviser, who.
however. started in swift pursuit, and
soon overlook the fugitive.
"What you run foah as soon as you
seed me, Gwage Washington p he
asked of the trembling culprit.
"Bekase I was afeard OBJ you, Par
son."
81 dosn't want yer to be afeard OBJ
me, sonny. I wants yer ter lub an
cling ter me like l was yer own ladder"
and taking the boy by the arm, he
warmed him with his cane.
Snow, is yer gwine ter lub me from
now on-whack-like L was-whack-
yer own fadder2 Is yer-whack-gwine
ter quit bein' skeared-whack, wback
whack-when yer meets me t.? What has
l ebber dOne-whack- still. will
yer ?-what has ebber done ter weaken
my grip on yer affecshus ?-whack.
whack, whack
''Dar, now," finally said the colored
pastor, as he released George, and
painted from over-exercise, "ef you ebber
ieels cold t'wards yer pasture, I'll warm
Up yer affecshuns so yer'H want ter
come and lib wild me-"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
Reform of the jury system.

In the November Century Albert
Stlckney asks: SIS the Jury System a
Failue ?" and makes suggestive and
striking argument to prove that it is.
He advocates radical reform by sub
st1tuting a permanent jury or court of
judges for jury of laymen. OF the
origin OF the jury system he says, in
part:
"Ihls whole system of trial by jury
never was anything but clumsy make
shift. In its origin, the jury was not
court of justice for hearing causes. but
only feudal court of the lords vassals.
L hese vassals first became something in
the nature of a judicial body merely for
the purpose of deciding disputes as to
landed estates or feuds; and in deciding
these disputes they served mainly as
witnesses to facts within their knowIa
edge, and not as judges to hear causes
on evidence. This court of vassals was.
in time, converted into something like
a court of justice, but merely for lack
of any better machinery. No doubt the
Jury system was an advance on the
methods it superseded. Trial by jury,
as method of ascertaining the truth.
is something better than trial by battle.
1t answered very well for the simple
transactions of rude race Just emerg-
ing from the fighting era of existence.
But how does it serve the needs of
great working people in this nineteenth
century? This system of having law
suits heard by men who know nothing
Of law, this mixing of one lawyer with
Twelve laymen and calling them court,
Is about as sensible as to try to drive |
Wild elephant and a thoroughbred in |
double harness. The combination is not |
a useful one. Need it be said that this /
arveIous monstrosity is the morga-
1atic device of hat grand old blunder-
ng, synthetic English people. which, in
Iffalrs of state, always insists on adapt
ng old machinery to new uses, which
RES to convert an antique feudal tin
pot into the cylinder of modern legal
locomotive, and which produces as its
masterpiece in political machinery that
7ondrous thing called parliamentary gov
rnment, where minister Is put in the
Var Office because some other men
ave been outvoted in Parliament,
here he gives his time to general legis-
'tion instead of to army affairs, where
g resigns from the War Office because
lie has blundered in the legislature on
ome measure concerning the Irish
hurch, or Irish landlords, but keeps
is seat in the legislature, where he has
lade his blunders ?'
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
A Deadly Combat.

Matthew Conner and Patrick O'Con-
nell, two hodcarriers, while at work on
the walls of new building at Auburn.
Me-, became involved in a quarrel.
Words led to blows, and Conner fell,
striking the brick wall and breaking his
nose. He soon recovered, however, and
rising up, dealt fearful blow on O'Con-
nell's neck, which almost felled him.
The narrow wall on which the two men
were engaged in combat was fifty feet
high, and the two men paid no attention
to the crowds below who begged them
to desist. Finally they closed on one
another, and while clasped in each
others embrace they were precipitated
to the earth below without either relax
ing his grasp. They fell with a heavy
thud, and when picked up we're dead.
Both leave large families.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

the tide, in hopes they might infIct
damage, but in only one or two in
stances did they pay for the wasted
powder. On one of the Western rivers
a Federal gunboat one day fired into
one of these foaters, and, though pistol
shot away from it, the explosion shook
the vessel until she groaned and flooded
her decks with muddy water.
Later on in the war both North and
South made use of torpedo fastened to
a spar which projected from the bow of
} the boat and could be exploded from in
board at the right moment. The spar
and its heavy weight in the water was a
terrible load on a ship, and only in a
few instances did the invention meet
with success.
Shortly after the new Ironsides had
taken her station before Charleston the
Confederates brought out the torpedo-
boat which now lies in the BROOKLYN
Navy Yard among the relics. The
Devil, as it was afterward known.
was a baby monitor, showing scarcely
an inch above the surface, and carving
no smoke-stack. When sighted from
the deck of vessel it was mistaken for
nsh. A confederate naval commander
named Glassel ran this boat ont of
charleston one night with torpedo and
spar at her bow, having only men
enough to work her. The Ironsides
was at anchor, and he steamed straight
at her. The boat made no more commo-
ton than shark would have created,
and the Ironsides was struck before any
one had suspicion of the complexion of
the strange visitor.
The torpedo boat ran full at the great
ship and exploded the torpedo fairly I'M
der her. The ship was not lifted. but
was swashed to one side as if suddenly
pushed, most of her guns upset, her
crew thrown about, dozens of beams
and braces broken, and such damage in
general created that she had to leave |
the station at once for an overhaulIng. |
The explosion threw a column of water
fifty feet high, almost drowning the YES
sci, and this very fact created the disas-
ter to the launch. She was buried three
feet under water, rolled about like a
fish, and some of the light stuff blown
overheard from the Ironsides fouled her
machinery at the same time her fires
drowned out. Thus incapable of mo-
ton, and right under the fire of the
marines, the boat was obliged to sur
'ender.
Poor as she was, and laboring under
the difficulties she did, the Southern
Con federacy brought the torpedo prob
EN- to such point as to destroy in the
asst two-and-a-half years of the war over
sixty Federal vessels, at least twenty of
which were armed craft. The loss foot
d up to millions of dollars, and the
ost was mere nothing.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
$4,000 REWARD!

will be paid for the detection and con-
viction of any person selling or dealing
in any bogus, counterfeit or imitation
HOP Buffers, especially Bitters, or
preparations with the word HOP or
HOPS in their name, or connected there
with, that is intended to mislead and
cheat the public, or for any preparation
put in any form pretending to be the
same as Hop BITTEBs. The genuine
have clusters of GREEN HoPs (notice
this) printed on the white label, and are
the purest and best medicine on earth,
for Kidney, Liver and Ner-
vous Diseases. Beware of all others,
and of all pretended formulas or recipes
of Hop BITTERs published in papers, or
for sale, as they are frauds and swim
dies. Whoever deals in any but the
genuine will be prosecuted.
Hop BITTERs MIRO. Co.,
Rochester, N. 7.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
After Thirty Years.

Before ice became universal luxury
people were in the habit of hanging
butter in their wells to keep it cool and
sweet; and that is doubtless the custom
still where ice is scarce and dear. It
must have happened a thousand times
that the cord broke and the butter dis
appeared, but there can't have been
many cases whore it was recovered after
thirty years. Such an incident has just
given local fame to Mr.. Goodman's well
in Bloomfield, CJnn. A workman who
was cleaning it found at the bottom
ball Of butter and the dish in which it
was suspended thirty years ago. 1t is
pure white and has the consistency and
odor of spoiled cheese.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
Without a Home.

Near Carthage, in lonely spot rarely
visited, sleeps wandering minstrel of
our own times, whose one immortal
song has been heard everywhere the
English language is spoken. Like the
rowing singers of lovely Provence, many
times he had nothing but his harp.
John Howard Payne was a gay Bohe-
milan, extravagant in taste, lavish in
expenditure living much. too much,
s. mid pleasures and palaces" yet with
a vein of sadness down deep in his heart.
He died while holding the office of Con-
sui, and plain marble slab, sent out
by the Government of the United States,
markes the grave of the homeless man.
sixty years a wanderer on this earth.
the author of " Home, Sweet Home"
One winter he was without money or
credit, and In London had not where to
lay his head. He tried to quiet the
pain of hunger and homelessness by
looking in at windows and from the
areas scenting good cheer. It was
Christmas Eve, the snow fell fast. the
wind was sharp and keen. At one lux
urlous house the hungry man stopped
and watched the lighting of the Christ
mas tree. Its candles streamed brightly
on the pavement, and among the ever
greens he could see the red berries of
holly, the toys and garlands, and the
pretty heads of children. They danced
and clapped their hands while the pres
ents were distributed, and the air rang
with shouts, laughter, and screams Of
delight. When the merriment had
spent itself little, one young girl went
to the piano and struck up Sweet
Home" while the family joined in a
rousing chorus. Was ever contrast SO
bitter?
have this from Mrs. Consul. General
Heap. Payne told it to her long after
hose evil days were passed.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
4 Coincidence.

Ono of those curious condolences
which keep alive popular superstition
has excited considerable interest in
Georgia. Everybody who visited the
late Senator Hill at his home on Peach
tree street in Augusta, remarked the
cedar which stood in the front yard. The
tree was planted by the senator, and he
took great delight in its rapid growth
and its beauty. During his sickness a
blight fell upon it; in spite of the gar
dener's most assiduous care the disease
spread, and the last sign of life disap-
peared with Senator Hills death. 1t
was recently dug up for removal and
found to be decayed from top to roots.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
A Libel Suit.

There has been an unusual degree OF
public interest shown in the trial OF
libel suit before Judge Horace. Russell,
in the Superior Court in New York City.
Marie Prescott, an actress, sued SIN
clair Tousey, President of the American
News Company, for $40, 900 damages for
distributing and circulating an alleged
libelous article concerning her, which
was published in a weekly paper called
Nyno Cginkl6. The publication was ad-
mitted by the defense, and an effort was
made to justify it by showing that the
young actress was unchaste and bore
bad reputation generally. A mass OF
unclean testimony was introduced which
caused the court room to be filed from
day to day with an eager crowd of men
and boys. Several of the lady's love
letters were introduced, and her own pc
culiar pertDess Oh the witness stand
added to the sensational features Of the
case. The drift of popular sentiment
all through the trial WAS decidedly with
the plaintiff, and the jury manifested its
belief in her womanly purity by award
ing her damages in the sum of So, 500.
If this verdict is reaffirmed in the higher
courts, where the ease will probably be
taken, it will be marked significance
with regard to the responsibility of the
American News Company and similar
concerns. One of the main points at
issue in the trial just closed was whether
the news company should be held re-
sponsible for what was printed in the
papers circulated by it. The plaintiffs
counsel, in summing up before the jury,
urged that the only way to curb the
malicious and Iibelous tendencies of a
certain class of irresponsible publica-
tions was by making whatever company
that circulated them responsible. He
declared that New York was full of er-
ratio publications, none of which could
live long enough to reach the public if
it were not for just such circulating me-
diums as the American News Company.
Ex-Judge Fullerton, counsel for the
American News Company, argued that,
although his client was technically re-
sponsible under the law for the matter
contained in the papers which it cIrcu-
lated, still the news company should not
be mulcted in damages for publication
which they did not incite, did not print,
and did not even know about until after
the distribution of the papers. Judge |
Russell ruled that, inasmuch as the
American News Company enjoyed GER
tain special advantages as circulating
medium under the laws of the State by
which it was enabled to derive pecuni-
airy benefits, 1t should be held to strict
accountability for whatever there was
of legally Objectionable nature in the
papers which it distributed. It was the
duty of the news company to ascertain
the character and contents of each pub
LEGATION before giving it to the public.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
WILLIAM PENN.
A. WERNER.

The tyrant on his gilded throne,
The warrior in his battle dress,
The holier triumph ne'er have known
OF justice and of righteousness.
Founder of Pennsylvania Thou
Didst feel it, when thy words Of peace
smoothed the stern chieftain's swarthy brow
And babe the dreadful war dance cease.
On SchuylkilI's banks no fortress frowned
The peaceful cot alone was there;
No beacon fires the hilltops crowned.
No death shot swept the Delaware.
In manners meek, in precepts mild,
Thou and thy friends serenely taught
The savage huntsman, fierce and wild,
To raise to Heaven his erring thought
How all unlike the bloody band
That unrelentIng Cortez led
To princely Montezuma's land,
And ruin round his pathway shed.
With hearts that knew not how to spare,
Disdalning milder means to try
The crimson sword alone was there,
The Indians choice, to yield or die.
But thou, meek Pennsylvania sire,
Unarmed, alone, from terror free,
Taught by the heather council fire
The lessons Of Christianity.
Nounder of Pennsylvania State
Not on the blood-wet rolls Of fame,
But with the wise, the good, the great,
The world shall place thy sainted name.
loz4- JOHN G. WHITTIER
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

homeopathic Medicines, as a rule,
are not amenable to the chemical tests
and analyses used in testing drugs gen.
orally. Their reliability, therefore, de-
ponds solely on the character and repu
sa5lon as to probity of those preparing
and putting them up. It Is, therefore,
of paramount Importance that the pub
lie satisfy themselves that the HON &c D.
pathic medicines they buy are obtained
from a house of recognized standing
and reliability. Boericke & 1afePs
Home 'pathic Pharmacy is established
since 1885. Send for their descriptive
price current, Medi zine cases and books
20 AS Grand street, New York, or 234
Wabash avenue. Chicago.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

A COLLAPSE. Reports from South
Africa tell of financial collapse arising
out of the mania for ostrich farms, which
took possession some time ago of all
sorts of members of the community.
Those who could not pay cash gave bills
which were discounted by the banks,
but the bills fell due before the feathers
were grown, and birds bought for $500
pair were sold for $3.50 and less. Be-
sides this, heavy sums have been lost in
diamond speculations.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

@. @. SHAME. 103 Prince street, New
York, the well known wholesale manu-
facturer of sesl-skin sacks, dolmans
and fur lined circulars, offers goods at
retail. This affords a splendid oppor-
tunity to order direct from headquar.
tiers, and save the profits of the mid
dlemen. Ladies are sure of getting
reliable furs, and fully Is per cent.
cheaper than retailers prices.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
AN UNREASONABLE WOMAN.

Mrs. Samuelson will never admit that
ner husband has single good quality.
She never gives him credit for anything
he does. Not long since he attended a
banquet and he came home at an early
hour and perfectly sober, but she few
at him all the same.
81 was the very first one to come
home. All the rest are there yet" he
said.
''Well," she growled, ''I don't see
that you are entitled to any credit for
the others staying there after you left.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

A New DEvIcE.-A passenger in
Boston street-car pulled the vest button
of the conductor and was surprised TO
hear bell ring. A new device for
stealing fares was thus discovered. Bell
punches are used on that line, and the
old plan OF carrying small gong in the
palm of the hand to strike when pre-
tending to punch slip has become
dangerous. so the plan of concealirg
the gong in the vest and connecting it
with button was invented.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

In THE OLD TINES, when people
travelled by diligence in France, one
traveller was killed in every 335, 900, and
one wounded in every 10000. Now,
when they travel by rail, one is killed
per 5,178. 400, and one wounded per
$50, $50. Railway travelling is thus near
ly twenty times as safe as travelling by
diligence.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09
A Hint to Advertisers,

About this time of the year advertis-
ing sharks begin to lay plans to gull
and rob business men with holiday
sheets and schemes. They are never
half what they are represented and
many OF them never circulated at all,
and the only ones benefited are the
sharks and schemers. Business men
should be very careful not to throw
away a large share of their holiday
profits on these advertising frauds.
Inc newspapers are the only sure, safe
and legitimate medium of comnunica-
non u with the people, -ELmirG Sunday
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

PLAsTERED.-An art class of young
women at Faribault, MINI, induced a
man to let them experiment on him for
plaster cast. After they had covered
his face the quilts slipped from his nos
trils, and he was so nearly suffocated to
death that physician with difficulty re-
vived him. They forgot to Oil the skin,
too, and the plaster stuck fast, damaging
him to an extent that necessitated his
stay for week in a hospital.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-09

A COSTLY NAvY.-The Italian army
and navy now cost the State SCI, 100000
per annum, or fifty per cent. of the
whole amount of the general expenses
OF the State, including the cost of pub
ito works, and exclusive only of public
debt interest, railway subventions, and
the like.