davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20
HUMOROUS.

Personal: John, come back; all is
forgiven! Pa kicked the wrong man.
tie did not know it was you.-Stella.
-' What makes you look so deathlv
sick, Tommy" "Wen, the fac # the
matter is, I've been taking nv first
chew, and am only a amachewer."
Mrs De Nude" Oh, Mr.. Cattle
rancho, tell me, are you asthetic?" Mr..
Cattleranche-" Oh, dear, no, madame.
not at all. Never had anything the
matter with me in my life
1t is rather unpleasant to hear a
public speaker remark: My friends
ur, L wish to say few words-ur on this
occaSlon-ur, ETC.; but then we must
remember that to ur is human.
Six medical experts examined a
man as to his sanity, and were evenly
divided. After they had wrangled
about it for a week it was discovered
that they had examined the wrong pr
son altogether.
Some one took Charlie up and asked
him if he was his papa's boy. He an
swcred: Yes" And your mammals
boy, too?" Yes" replied Charlie.
" Well. how can you be papa's boy and
mammals both at the same time9'
. Oh" replied Charlie, quite Indifferent
ly, cant a wagon have two horses?"
In London lady prosecuted hand
some gentleman for kissing her at a
railway station, although he explained
that he had mistaken her for some one
else, and had at the same time apoIo-
glzed. He got seven days hard labor.
What made her mad was probably the
fact that the handsome gentleman had
not kissed her for herself. ."-PbilaoieI-
Ehid NelCS
Down at Old Bridge, in New Jer-
sey, a woman got a forlorn man so
drunk he couldn't stand, and then she 1
sent for Justice of the Peace, AMI /
while some of the neighbors held the |
unhappy and limber-jointed bacchanali- |
an up, she married him. That's the
kind OF hairpin New JERSEY woman
IS. When she has once made her
. mash," no cold conventionaljties az
oUr false and much veneared social in
'ututlons may stand between her and
ler love II applejack only holds out
Haoksye.
She was 4 reel sweet-looking ladv,
With sealskin Saclue and a bio plush
lat. ana She stool on the step OF an up
own residence. having just pulled the
'eil. 4" called to see said She to the
adv OF the house. who was very rel in
ne lace from irving doughnuts over the
ltcncn Ere. iii yol WISHED TO Give
nEfhing 10 the hea,hen today No.
"oa want to give anything 10 the
eaihen to-day. just gave the woman
cNt 1o2r piece Of niy mind about her
alawaE o. g bow that broke down NV
ia"t~ That's al can aeorl tor
pc he ;,lra Us! ow."-.Ne.r AGrea
'cQis,s~ {
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

MIR. and Mrs. George M Pnllno,
roqe through Italy in one of their owr
Palace cars, the first that was ever take1
south OF the Swiss lakes.
oo;-d9 WIS; Julia Ward Howe lately re-
ceive9 c ~ the gift from her brother, Mr.
cn sam II ward of very handsome house
Oh Beacon street, in Boston.
--The London Observer TINS cloees
leellng tribute to Longfellow: 1T is
scarcely too much to say thai since the
death OF Byron no living English noet
fellow" 1'J % Lung
~ The h, London Truth announces that
Ion Fhlllppe de Bourbon, the second
son OF the Count d'Aquila, is about to
marry Miss Mackay, daughter of Mr.
"a king. --0' ND 0onan-
More ex-Senators of remote service
are constantly appearing in the news
papers John P. King, who is now
hVlng near Augusta, Ga, is said to have
begun his duty as Senator earlier than
any other man now in existence. His
service began in 1888, and ended in
1o3|.- Chicago Herald.
-Dlckens' christmas Carroll is now
IN the hands of a Birmingham book
seller who offers the manuscript for
sale The remainder of Dickens mann
scripts are at the South Kensinpton
museum, excepting that of " Our MrfuaI
Erlend' which was brought to the
United States by Mr.. Chi!ds.
Among Longfellow's classmates at
bowdoln IN 1926 were John S. G. Alb
00tt,, the popular historian; Jonathan
emily the Maine Congressman who fell
IN the duel with Representative William
=. Graves, OF the Louisville district. r
w: Bradley, the eminent LAWYER and
politician; George B. Cheever. the anti
advocate; Nathaniel Hawthorne
ana others who achieved eminence.
Charles O'Conor, of New York. has
moVG%l INTO his new house at Nantucket,
overlooking Vineyard Sound. He is en-.
Ioylnng excellent health, and spends
much OF his time with his collection of
BOOKS and pamphlets, which are ranged
On the shelves of large fre-proof
lbrary, twenty-five by sixty feet in size
he IS sad TO be preparing an autobior-
Apply, i'll which special attention will be
'ald to some of the famous lawsuits in
Yhich he has been engaged.-N =
Miss Cary's first lyric triumphs were
chieved before her delighted neigh
'ors, on the verandah of her fathers
ouse. in the village of WAYNE. in
laine- She was the Youngest of DR..
'ary's six children. ali of whom were
lifted musically. The Doctor used to
ay of his young daughter: IF Annie
ould so far forget herself as to ACQUIRE
ne necessary ease and abandon, when
'clng an audience, | think she would
ng very vel" When she began her
Professional career Miss Cary was griev-
lsly nervous and constrained. -Boston
0St.
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20

Among the reports which hare reached
us from Mandalay writes our RangDos
coErespondent) IS one to the eEhcs tkai
the King has still - inzatl&blc thirsf fos
blood. his latest victim being ihe son Of
one OF the princes deportet 81 Ghnp~F
for bis share 10 the ~
would appear ;hAt Asa
ness In December IA
bis cUurtlers - cast sksssgE
"a the eTenf Of the ksng : aeafh. Iheig
choices fesl ca the young Frnce referred
10. but unfortunately for their arrange
nents. he King got wesl. And prucprsl-
ed forthwith 90 wreAk hls vengeance 0a
shr young Prince A relTes sack Mnd
ihe waters u The Irrawaddy closed To
-AFeeT IT tke aspiring uonaFch. While
80 followers, gAEee 10 aunbgr, weTo
sfnmATa.y dispatched --Lesaza .as3A
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20

He offered her handsome opal ring.
Excuse me-" she said. while blush
crept over her yelyety cheek; "opaIs are
unlucky." Then he fishcd package II
caramels out Of his pocket and aiien ss.rd
to present it TO her. II never touch
them. she murmurcd. languidly, "as
they destroy the teeth and draw the fill
ings out. My mother got some between
her teeth the other daY. and her Jaws
were held together so tight for two hours
that she couldn't tall" You must have
had quiet in the house, "Sirg' II
say you must have had A riot in tho
house. | mean that your mother must
have been so provoked that she couldn't
preserve her usual state of beautiful So
renity. but was osris>r+ 10 give way To
her feelings, in srits q: h~r heroic e.
forts to appear tzisn Would y0n like
to go to the Ministries to-pights = mo.
/ thank You, ~ size whispered. fcelinzly.
II am always Asddenea by such woclal
dramas as Camille. Hamlet and
: Miss Moulton;' and the last time was
AZ the minstrels / saw how those PLAYS
could be male more heartrending with
the jokes Of the Ministries worked into
them" He then Invited her 10 take >
walk. and partaEe of ice cream and 9TH
r Injuries calculated to thrill the fcrni.
nine mind with ccstacy. But she re-
used each and al Of them And the
roung man danced around with bis pock-
't-book in his hand. and thought what
Expense men would be saved II al the
.irls were like this one. And be kang
Ive found me thn wife of fha fofnra
W found the Impossible GsFl
Then be woke up and asccrtaincd thai
e had been dreaming. The Impossible
Iirl has yet 70 be discovered r. T.
furskttsrsck, ~ Puck.
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20
Some Sew ArithmetIcal pr.Al..

A bank has SIS, 400 in its vanlts Th.
cashier gets away with eco. asa. and ~,
bank settles with him for two-thir.ls
How much is the bank ahead and ne,
will the poor cashier do II newt wins.-
happens to be a hard onep
A house painter consumes fortv-o;evk,
minutes In lighting his pipe; fifty-hvo
minutes IN telling stories; TWENTY-FIVE
minutes IN Watching kitchen rirl:
thlrty-six minutes in binding up a sorr
hnger. and quits work nine minutes Ia.
fore six. How much time did he hea,
his employer out OF. and how long viii
1t take him TO work himself 10 deafhp
A boy who Is sent on an errand sfons
to watch three dogs, plays marbles win
four boys. climbs two shade trees. takea
short ride on n velocipede, makes nn
faces at three girls, and sits on 4 lumber
pile Tor fifteen minutes TO helm another
boy learn to smoke What did he rot
when he got home, and how long did II
take him to make his mother believe
that he had come in two minutes ahead
of chain lightning?
A certain grocer whose scales only
weigh fifteen ounces TO the mound. salls
SZ0 pounds of various goods every
twelve hours. Find what he gains
weekly, and after YOU have figured tim
do your trading with some other house.
A lady desires to divide six sunflow.
ers among five girls so that each pirl
can wear one to the party. How can
she do it without cutting one OF the
girls in two?
AT one of Eli Perkins lectures in
Ohio in hall seating $40 people one
thirtieth of the seats were iamned fun
OF enthusiastic admirers. Find the
number of seats which didn't admire
worth a cent also explain how far Eli
travelled by Foot & Walkers limo next
day.
A dog starts out to orertake a cat.
She has seventy feet the start and knows
that he means business. AT the end az
every rod she slips back two inches and
he gains four inches. How far must he
leg 1t to oveTtake her and hush her
ye0wlss f0reYerp s- Z -
Three sticks Of stove-wood WEIGHING
five and half pounds bend d boy's barE
four inches out Of plumb. How many
additional sticks will IL take TO make his
chin touch his knees?
A woman calls at thirteen different
dry-gOods stores, walks a distance Of
three miles, enters three millinery
shops, halts before seven show windows.
calls upon two jewelers., and takes the
,ar for home calculating TO freeze the
luman hyena who doesn't vacate his
'eat for her the instant she gets her nose
inside the door. Find how many -?
1ome to think of it. you We found II al
when she drops down without . thank
-ou. ."-Detroh Free Press.
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20
How He Made Up for Shrinkage.

An old but good story is told of Cap
tain Fred Wording who forty years AGO
was in command of the schooner John.
The Captain was carrying a cargo OF
corn from port in North Carolina 70
Savannah. He knew it was the custom
to measure ont the corn and if the cargo
fell short Of the bill of laiing the Cap
tain was responsible for the shrinkaye.
He also knew that in loading. the DARK
les had stolen quantities OF the corn.
and he was afraid the cargo would ruD
short On the passage down the Cap
tam ran his vessel into the gulf stream
and allowed her 10 remain there for
some time. The waters OF tie gu!.
stream are from fifteen 10 twenty de-
grees warmer than the rest o. tie ocean.
the temperature n some places being a.
eigdty-two. The heat from the water
SweLled the cora until the ha.ches were
nearly burst Of On arriving The Cap
tain wanted the consiguee Il take the
cargo II the invoice. but he refused.
The consiEnee told the Captain that he
would measure the CARO- AMI share
equally in the shortage or ore-p'us
Captain " WAS somewhat surprised 10
receive IN ad lition 80 bi, freight money.
i've hundred dollars as his share at tae
oVerpin>- The cargo in fact hal cone
one Thousand dollars over the invoice.
Captain " dsd not Keep he money bat
turned j. in 90 IT, owac-s.
--JH' p Mccarthy is writing hislo.y .
:. tie icur Geo geL
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20

door into Heaven. every dutv ! .,r,;.h,
pain TO God, every flower svn1bnl !,
Infinite Love and every life { i noss;hla y
neroism, 1t has not been revealed tnms.
Blessed. indeed, are they who ~ s.aIl.s ,.Il..;
% be interpreters OF the inris;hls --... .,.S
eternal truth and beauty. to whom ihs
VISION and the song are both given ana
whose path, like the career of the aa.J
poet whom the whole world loraJ ~
shlneth more and more unto the pcrfecs
day ChriAiidn Union S.'s0e
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20
ARREST

..uowinO lines by the late Henry w
me IgllU" 1n.u an IN the death of Blyard Taylor
0lg1eeiIISpnn ~ memorial meeting in Boston, Jan
eaa "a "a 1879. need little change TO make them
.ses99tarly ss9 isil appropriate at thlS rine:
noad he lay among his books;
Tbe neace of God was IN MS looks.
Is thq statues in the gloom
Wsteh DER Maximilian's tomb,
% these volumes from their shelves
Watch him lent as themselves.
mi his hand will never more
Tnrn their storied pages Ger!
Naypr more his lips repeat
conCs of theirs, however sweet!
let fhe lifeless body rest
Ne Il gone who was its guest;
ronc as travellers haste to leave
An inn. nor tarry until eve.
Tr,veler! in what realms afar,
n what planet, in what star,
n what vast aerial space.
shines the light upon thy faceT
n what gardens of delight
Rest thy weary feet tonight?
Poet! thou whose latest verse
Wasa garland on thy hearse,
Tno1 hast sung with organ tone
In DaukaIion's life thine own.
m fhe ruins of the past
blooms the perfect flower at last.
Fdend but yesterday the bells
Rang for thee their loud farewclls;
And to-day they toll for thee,
living dead beyond the sea -
Living dead among thy books,
The peace of God in all thy looks.
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20

"A celebrated French breeder. who
for many years held first rank in the art
OF fattening sheep, when urged to di-
yulge his secret, replied: My secret? /
have none; it is only question Of fare.
Induce animals To eat abundantly of a
large, choice variety OF well-prepared
food; that is all there Is 10 it."
The colored patriot., 1882-04-20

--JH' p Mccarthy is writing a histo.y
c. tie iUur Geo ge1.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-04-07
KINGwOOD, WEST vIRGINIX. FRIDAY, April. :, Is

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West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-04-07
DIRECTORY
CoUNrY OFFICER :,

COUNTY OFFICER,
Judge " he circuit C9nrt-iIon. VIM
Il. Ice.
COMMISSIONS, s-John Z. Jones lPresi-
dent IL. G. Hagans, and Jas. Alleuder.
CJerE of ne Circ,tH CUWrt-Smith Crane.
CLERK Of TIC COUHty COUrt-J. Ann Mars
tin.
Pcosecufing .4tioyncy-Nol J. Fortney.
Sheriff. elisha Thomas.
lS1trUeyOr- John \. DdlI ymple.
AsseSSorS-WesU side, Thos. Fortney;
East Side. Gabriel Pullam.
Commissioner Cf Losl RecoTds-N IN.
Physicitr To JaH and PJo,house i Dr. S.
d usten Pratt.
county Superintendent of Free Schools
Joseph IL hawthorne.
Commissioners Of the circuit COuTt-
Smith Crane, Joseph Ii. Hawthorne, H..
w. McCafIerty and JLo. Morris Crane,
Commissioners Of Ntc county Court.
w. Parks, III. w. McCanerly, JOS. H..
Hawthorne an1 Smith Cram.
CORPJRArIoN OFFICERS.
Mayor-Jno. Barton Payne.
C0ulcH-James ii. Manown, ID. Young
Morris, ID. G.. Hughes, Elisha Thomas
and Peter Noitz.
RecOrocr NJ. Crane,
Seygcdnt-Johu r. Neil. .
Justice Of tie Pcuce - oscph NJ. God>
Ein
ConStabLc-Jnm5s Carroll.
MINISTRIES.
Presbyterian Rev. Samuel Graham.
Meth0dtst EpiscOp0 0i-Kev. a Hall.
BaptSt-Rev. Patri tx Murray.
EOajtgeic0t- Rev. NJ. BaIloutiuc.
Il. ". H.. Chuch---R Rev. Alfred Steptoe .
THE NATIONAL BANK OF KINGwooD.
President-W G. Brown.
Wee -Prcside0t-Smith Crane.
CdVuer-F. Heermaps,
ASSISTANT CASHIER j. w. Parks.
THIRD JUDICIAL CIRCUIT-TERNS or
COURT ~ PRESTON COUNTY.
April Term, sth day OF April.
August Term, I}th day of Au.us
NUvou Der Term, 1ith day Of NOvom-
ber.
COUNTY COURT.
First Monday in january. first Mon
day ia April, secouI Monday iu July
and first Monday in October.
KINGwOOD POsTJFFiCE.
Mails close at7 O'Clock a. m; arrive at
O'clock p. lI.
ONCE open ats o'clock a. M; CLOSES at
3 O'clock pm. j. VI. GoDwIN. j.. NJ.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-04-07

preseut the dlslrict is represented by
Joseph JorGensen. State Senator
Wilcox, who recently created a sen
sauon IN the Senate by announcing
that he ha! changed his political
faith from Democratic to the r pub.
Lean doctrines, few dsyo siuce an
nounced his dete, miuation TO be a
candidate for Congress from that
district He has been heretofore
warm Democratic Il iiuster, and
h,s caud decy, II is said, set the col
ored men to thinking Mahouc may
do all he can against them. but II
they carry out their present deter.
minauon a negro Congrossmau viii
80 from that disurct One on two OF
the white Readjuster candidates Tor
the place are warm personal friends
OF Malone, and II is not believed he
or they will surreuGer the prize
without warm contest without the
coIored alles. The colored men
have as vet agreed upon no oshdi-
date, but there are no le,e than four
OF their leading men who will bo
glad to get the nomination.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-04-07
nEIrMoNJrRGEr.IrroN.

Judge James f. Patton, OF the
Supreme Benoh OF The State, died in
Wheeling on Thur'day aight, o. last
week. lie was IN his uausl heal IA
NO to within an hour o. two Of his
death. lie had walked about during
the afternoon. out later complained
o! IA contracting pain in the chest,
aud kept hrs room during the even
lng ln comgany with few friends.
just before midnight be suddenly
gtcped and, lalhag back upon the
bed, expired.
James French Patton was born ia
Richmond, IN lS4l, aud was the filth
son Of Hon. Joha NJ, Patton, who
was one OF the most dlstnguished
lawyers Of the Oh Dominion, and
during his day. was Lieutenant Gov
ernor and Attorney General Of Vr-
glnIa Judge Patton attended
private school uutil he was l6 years
OF aye, when the call to arms in 1861
broke ia upon his studies. At the
age OF lG he entered tie Confederate
service as Adjutant OF the 22d Vu-
gina regiment, made up almost en-
tirely OF young men from tie Ka-
nawht Valley, aud commanded by
ho brother George. He served with
distinguished honor through the war,
receiving several wouudo, Que of
whIoh narrowly escaped being fatal.
When peace was declared, be decided
to adopt the legal profession, for
which he roLly inherited his fathers
talents and love. He was soon after
licensed by Judge Brokenborouph
aud began his practice at Pittaylva-
nia. At thio tIme he married Me
linda, fourth daughter oil the late
Senator Allen T. Caperlon and came
to Union, Monroe County, forming
legal co-partnershlp with his father
ln-law. Ho was elected ProsecutoY
of the county and rose rapidly il his
profession. Last June he was APP
pointed by Governor Jackson to sue
cted .. =. -. Moore on the Supreme
Bench, which position he has sinoe
filled. HIS appo.Atment received
the unanimous enforcement Of his
legal brethren and his services have
since borne out their good opinion.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-04-07

IRON WOHhss OysUNDAr.

The international Conference in
session at Pittsburgh is discussing
the question ofresting iron works on
Sunday.
A very Interesting paper was read
by Mr. Fulton, preseuting The sub
jsct from an economic standpoint.
lie endeav1red to maintain from sc-
ourately kept statistics Of furnaces
and non works that the economy Of
Sundiy keeping could be clearly
showp, and that large waste % la
Dor aud materials inevitably accom-
paniss Sunday work Upon THE
head he said
Glen wao work on Sunday require
some Inducements 90 violate 80 clear made
law-an increase Of wages or abatement
Of The hours of work, or both. These
range from 30 70 400 per cent in excess
Of week day work. But in addition 90
the direct loss In wages and time worked
there is a further continued IOss in The
quality Of work which is usually hastily
and impCrfeclly performed Another loss
Is even more than tbis, arising from TIC
debility of wofkmen employed ON Sunday
and which is carried thro0gh lbo work Of
the eiz days following All such work
on the Loras day Is % constant .oss, both
in ils direct and r,1x nGuendts. 10
would not be iust 90 charge managers Of
iron works with ihc whole sjn of Sunday
work, for 30 is well known that TOO mauy
Of the workmen desire such work. But
The manage. could readily abstc very
much OF the work now performed ON SUM
d8y The mode has been Indicated foi
resting The furnaces on tbc Sabbath day
The Be.scmer converting worRs. bloom
ing mills, rolling mills, win their ascot
ateI plant are mainly at rest ON SUNDAY.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-04-07
ltINISrER L0UELL.

The New York Board of Aldermen
request Presid ent Arthur to reca n
Minister Lowell There are people
IN this country. not Irish, who think
that Minister Lowell took the snub .
blng that be got rather too meekIy.
when he enqulred upon what charges
the llsh American citizens imprls-
oned IN Ireland are deprived OF their
liberty. Doubtless, au American
whether native or adopted, rs cub.
lect to the laws OF ireland whilo i'm
Ireland; but be is entitled to knoy
the charge against him, aud to have
speedily a tar trial OF that charge.
Now, there are American citizlns i'm
prison IN ireland, who are denied
habeas corpus, and who are not in
formed wig they are arroste nor
promised "A trial in the immediate lr =
ture. Mr. Lowell writes to the Rfit-
ish Ministry TO enquire about IT,, and
they write to MY Dear Lowell
that they refuse to give him any in
iormetlon on the subject; and MY
Dear Lowell pockets the snub, and
whites TO the prisoners that he can
DO nothing for them. The law which
Mr.. Lowell sholId have upheld ia
THE:
Sec. 00l. Whenever It IS made known
to the President that any citizen OF the
Uuitcd States mas been uDiustly deprived
OF his liberty 10y or under the authority of
any foreign government, IL shall be the
duty Of the President forthwith to de-
mand ~ that government the reasons of
such imprisonment; aud if it appears to bo
wrongful, a.d iu violation Of the rights Of
American citizenship, the President shall
forthwith demand the release OF such cit.
izon; and II the release so demanded IA un
reasonably delayed or refused the Pmsi
dent shall use such means, not amounting
to acts Of war; as hc may think necessary
and proper TO obtain or efCcctultc the re
lease; and all the facts aud proceeding
relative thereto shall, as soon as prac,ica,
bic, be communicated by The President tC
| Congress.
Mr.. Lowell is deserveliy proud oi
his literary reputation, and Of the
confederation that he receives from
the cultured clsssss Of Eng anI: bul
the first duty OF an Ameucln Mini,.
tier IS TO uphold thorights Of Amer.
can citlz8ns.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-04-07
4 BID OUrLOOK.

1t ia worry much to be hoped that
the end ol this Congress will be bet
ter than it's beginning. The first is,
Or A. !east ought to be, more than
half completed but nothing has been
done but the passage Of the Chinese
and Uuh bIIs. Those who have
watched matters narrowly see that
this Congress- belongs 70 the lobby,
and the impression gains that the
lobby will keep 1t in session far into
the summer.
Congress ought TO be able TO act
upon The recommendations of the
Executiy, pass the appropriation bills
and adjourn in three months at most
But the jobbevs. who Lad been kept
at arms length for the Hx years oI
Democratic asceudency in the House,
came down in force when the major
ity was reversed. They organ I'D
The House with a Speaker Of their
own, and with Robson, their recog-
nizsd leader on the floor. They
mean that their business shall be
put through as the phrase is
What with the tariff monopolists
the jobbers, the canal jobbers, aud