davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

porter Of Col. Scion as he entered the ONCE
"NOo,n said Col. Scion, slowly, nut
| that reminds me o, an absent.minded man
| tackled on the cars one day, or rather ne
tackled me. | was going to kinkua, when
"A Young man got on at Warren ana sits
down side of me, and bym'by says he,
Eve little box here l call my bean box
| With that he pulls out little round box
an shakes it, an hears somethin' rattle,
| Now says he 'sposc we jest bet the CT
CARS or there being odd or even beans In
| that box All right, says !, ITS odd
He opens the box and there was four
beans You've lost he says. Yes says
|, well got the cigars An then we fell
TO talkln' about somethin' else a long time,
until all at once says he, Il just want to
show you little bean box I've got here.
| An he pulls out that box agin. Says he,
Let's bet the cigars or something on odd
or even beans IN this box Thinks | to
myself, YOU poor, abscntmindcd critter,
can't YOU remember that you showed that
to me minute ago, And | says, All
right s'pose we make the bet So /
thought I'd Just teach him to remember
things. IN do It, says he; now what is
itY Even says /, He opened the box,
and"
"Well, what then" asked the reporter
as the Colonel paused.
ale wasn't so absent.minded after all, "
SAID the Colonel. There were seven beans
in that box"
81 found out afterwards that the box had
no bottom, or rather had covers at both
ends On one of them was fastened three
beans aud there were four loose in the box.
! When the man who bet said odd the cover
to which the beans were fastened was taken
of, and when he said even the other end
was lifted. "-OH Ctty Derrick.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

Harper's Weekly: England does substan-
tial pecuniary reward to those who render her
distinguished services in battle. After the
Ashantoe war Sir Garnet Woseley had par
liamontary grant of $4,000, and il he comes
well ont of the Egyptian business he will re
ceiye another grant, peerage, and pension
for the queen is averse TO creating poor man
peer After Waterloo the grants to Yelling
ton amounted to So, 500, 900; Nelson, nearly 81,
TOUOO
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

The State Board of Health announce the
appearance of a case of smallpox at Auro.
ra, and urge upon the proper local author
tiles the importance Of securing the prompt
vaccination of all unprotected individuals
IN the city.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

"Hold up your hands" yelled the west
ern outlaw as he boarded palace car and
showed his pistols. "Are you a road
agent?' asked frightened passenger
yes" THANK heaven, feared you were
another porter"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

Maher Bros. handle the best stoga KIP
boots for the price. No factory make; hand
IN
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

Daughters OF Maggie Mitchell aud Lydia
Thompson are about to become actresses. A
.au % Savini is play ng ont west and a son o.
~1thcru - performi : some VI the late come
dams roles in England
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21
Valuable Farming Lands
FOR SALE.

The tract OF land. part of the Estate Of Lot c. Clark
deceased late Of the city Of New York; adjoining the
village OF Farbury Livingston county. Illinois, known
M the MARSH FARM" containing some nine hun
dred acres, is now offered for sale.
This tract Ia well tiled free from all noNlons weeds
and situated within one nile Of market. IL Is In \
splendid state Of cultivation, and IS wei adapted Tor
either grain or stock purposes. ,.
II will be sold in tracts OF one hundred and sixty
acres more one.third Of the purchase money TO be
cash in hand and the balance 10 he secured by mort
gage the premises sold at six per cent Interest per
annum. 49, =.
desired ,,
For further particulars inquire by mail or otherwise,
of JOHN L. SUTHERLAND, Executor, 81 wall ST.
New York. and of TAYLOR Il WEAVER Falrbury
Illinois sepsei
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

Josh billings Whom msu tums 'pIa If
.dvise. uu.i uur fir Kind u. s'vir. %. ,.
aud give % 10 nim. this stB-iy. rH.
re and / are two A. srl4I! Ue4 ~ tie.
wing.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21
THO PARAGRAPH EIEND.

Low n,s-Earthquakes.
Gold bonds-W Wedding rings.
How to serve dinncr-Eat it.
Yellow fever-Man's thirst for gold.
Uneasy lies the head-Then the mosqul.
to reigns.
All is not gold that gli,ters--the dia
mond must have show.
Mrs. Parlington wants to know what the
Kelley Motive is. Avarice, madam, ava
rice Berkeley Mutilator.
The comet has been split into three
pieces. 1t has been thought by many that
the comet ran against full hand.-Chtcd'
90 Tribune.
Two men have been arrested IN Wash.
ing,on for trying TO bribe government EN-
ployees. Why they didn't offer enough is
not known.
The sting of bee is only one-thir.y-
second of an inch long. 1t is your imagl
nation that makes It seem as long rs hoe
handle.-Free Press.
A dispatch says that the prohibitionists
in Shelby county are becoming aggressive
The prohibitionists must have braced up
with a drnk.-7ribune.
That was a typical mother.in.law who
when asked II her son.inlaw suffered much
before he died, replied, "Not half enough"
New York devours 100000 of oysters
daily during the season, and Berg stands
by without a word of protest
Sojourner Truth, who Is at least l0S years
old, lectured IN Decatur, Mich, last week
There Is no instance on record of a woman
becoming too old to lecturc.-7rbune.
A preacher who had turned Spectator
and bought lot of hogs on rising mar
ket, telegraphed his agent: Hold the pork
tor am coming"
. A late heavy defaulter did not speculate
IN stocks, and was member Of a club and
not OF church. 1t is harder than ever to
tell whom to trust.
A young man in Seneca, n. Y. sold on
his claim to girl he was engaged to for
seven fivc.cent cigars. Some men are
mighty sharp on trade.
An exchange contains an article on
young Women who Die Early" This
frequently occurs; but the cases of old
women who die early are few indeed
NOrristo,on Herald.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21
CANNOT BE DONE,

Ye pigge he is pretty fowl,
And wondrous good to eat;
His ham is good, likewise his jowl;
And exc his little fcete.
But If you try a thousand yeare,
trow you still will faylc
TO make a silk purse OF his care,
Or wissel OF his tayle.
Old English Song.
A recently superseded foreign minister
while passing through London on his re-
turn to this country, registered himself at
Bowles's American Agency, Sol. -
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21

ABSENT. MINDED Did you ever hear
Of the absentminded man ?" asked the re-
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-10-21
ABOUT CARrOATURigTS.

Concerning Popular Artists or the
Period The Wen who Draw the
Funny Figures-Nhst'~ success
who the Sketchcrs Are and what
They Earn Making Faces.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

IT will soon be twenty years
since the action in Hampton Roads
and now the bit Of history comes
that the defeat of the rebel ram
Merrimac, according to a letter of
Commodore Maury of the confed-
crate navy, is not to be credited
altogether to the Monitor. When
the Merrimac ran into and sank
the Cumberland he alleges that
she broke her iron ram, causing a
leak of six inches an hour. 1t was
partly owing to this injury that
the Merrimac returned to Norfolk,
SO that it seems the old Cumber-
land is entitled to share in her
discontinue. Yet it is so inter
woven in our history that the gal.
liant Worden was the successful
combatant of the Merrimac that
this last will hardly alter any &C.
cepted version of facts.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
Poetic Prose.

PROFESSOR YoUMANs possesses
the faculty of writing in graceful
phrase the most rigidly scientific
truth. In the following he COM
bines the flowers of rhetoric with
the diction of philosophic research:
"Over the places that receive the
bodies of the dead, monuments are
erected as if to mark the last un-
changeable abode Of the departed.
Yet, even in the crudest material
istic sense, our final home is not in
the earth; nature soon rifles the
grave and disperses its contents
into the atmosphere above. Not
the charnel house upon which at
tention has been hitherto so in
tensely fixed by poets and preach
ers, but the upper realm of rain
bows and light, of ever shifting
clouds, OF the golden glories Of
sunrise and sunset, the world of
everlasting beauty in the reful-
gence of the day and the splendors
of the night-this is, in reality,
the tomb of man. Even in the
lowest sense we need to look be-
yond the grave; and death would
wear a very different aspect if we
could escape from the vulgar and
repulsive associations of mere
burial, which we owe to graveyard
paltry, food-for-worms litera-
ture, and the emphatic parade of
interment. The atmosphere is a
thousand times more the theater
of life than is the earth beneath
US. All living things are born
from it. The entire vegetable
kingdom has been condensed out
of its invisible elements, and in
decay and dissolution, except a
little ashy residue, it is all again
restored to the atmosphere. The
animal world follows the same law.
All sentient creatures are con-
structed out of the viewless medi-
um above, and back to its serene
depths they are all, at length, re-
turned. The processes are slow,
but. they are complete and in
exorable; art cannot arrest them.
Thongh the body be embalmed
for preservation, the course of Ma
ture is only transiently checked,
and the discovered atoms soon find
their way back to their atmospheric
home.''
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

THERE are some members of
Congress who think that it would
be a good idea to tighten the bur-
den of taxation, as the revenue is
in excess of actual needs. 1t is
proposed to abolish the stamp tax,
which is one of the most vexatious
we have. All internal revenue
taxes, except those upon whisky
and tobacco ought to be abolished,
and that seems to be the policy of
the administration. There is one
member who wants to restore the
income tax, a somewhat singular
position for any man to take, if he
expects ever to run for office, for
no tax ever invented was more
odious and unpopular.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

THE special use and value of
foreign missions is as rewards for
ambitious politicians who would
be troublesome if they were not
provided for by this species of
honorable exile. 1t is reported
that Secretary Lincoln is looked
upon with distrust by the admins
tration: he might be available as a
presidential candidate if he should
make a good record in his pres
ent Office and be kept prominently
before the public. He is found to
be man of high ability, possessed
in a marked degree of the ele-
ments of popularity, and the fam
lily name would have considerable
influence in the matter.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
A Shaky SwIndle.

@AMERIcAN citizens" who are
always getting into trouble abroad
or who are owning claims in for
eign countries which the courts of
those countries will not recognize,
are generally citizens only in a
technical sense, and sometimes
the evidence is very cloudy. In
one of his messages Grant drew
attention to this source of trouble,
and suggested that there should
be notifications of the naturaliza-
tion laws which would prevent
most of it. The Landreau claim
in Peru, is notable illustration OF
the abuse to which these laws may
be put, The original claimant is
a Frenchman. Under standing
offer of share, he located guanc
claims on some fifty islands, TAX
ing chances of there being de-
posit of guano on at least one oi
them. Landreau then managed
to get naturalization papers, and
gave an interest in his claim to va
rious politicians in the United
States. They recently secured
the appointment of Hurlburt,
brother to the editor of the New
York World, as minister to pro.
tect this claim and now they are
putting up job to secure the
armed intervention Of the United
States SO as to give marketable
and negotiable value to to theil
stock. In this age of gas, glass
glare and dazzle, of jobs and cheek
and impudent demand, this little
game shines magni6cently: first
forming syndicate to grab the
resources Of a foreign country, and
then endeavoring to get the mill
tary power of our government tc
back them up. Can presumption
go further than this?
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

AMONG the many great engin-
ering projects in contemplation is
one which will close the northerly
outlet of the valley of the Mac
kenzie river at the line of 6S deg,
north, and store up the water Of
/ 100000 square miles; to this is
intended to add the water of Other
large areas, and thus form a lake
1900 miles long, and with an aver.
age width of 200 miles.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
WHEN completed. the San Fran

WHEN completed, the San Fran
cisco sea~wall will have cost $13,-
100000 according to the present
estimates. There will be a broad
thoroughfare, encircling the city.
and there is now a desperate effort
to secure = franchise over it which
will be virtually exclusive.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

SOME of the political fossils who
have for years been retired on ac-
count of various shady and shaky
transactions, are again making
their appearance in public life.
In Washington and on the Pacific
coast the number of such is in
creasing, and it looks row as if
most of the men who used to run
things and who ran their party to
destruction are to be entrusted with
control. 1t might not be a bad
plan if the President would allow
the publication of the names of
parties recommending applicants
for Office so that the responsibility
of bad selections might be shared
with the Executive. The idea of
Sargent in the Cabinet!
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

To those whose stock of worries
was running low and who need
some fresh scarers it will be of in
terest to know that the electric
system of lighting has developed
two dangers; first, the increased
likelihood of fire; second, the fact
that the handling of a wire not in
sulated and through VIII ch the full
force of the circuit is passing, re-
suits in death.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
"THE commerce of the Columbi

"THE commerce of the Columbia
has endured an outrageous game
of greed long enough" Oregonian.
We are glad to see our Portland
contemporary take such pro-
nounced stand in favor of a free
river. 1t will no doubt favor the
completion of the locks as heartily
as it does the improvement of the
bar.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

IT is reason for shame to know
that there are American citizens SO
low, SO degraded as to actually
crowd forward to shake hands
with the murderer of Garfield.
We look with admiration upon
the vigilance committee of Seattle.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
Piles /! Piles Piles |!
A Sure CIsRe Found at Last {!
No One Need Suffer.

A sure Cure for Blind, Bleeding, Itching
and Ulceraie Piles has been discovered by
DIR. Williams, fan Indian Remedy, called
Dr. Williams Indian Ointment. A single
box has cured the worst chrome eases of %
or so years standing. No one need suffer
five minutes after applying this wonderful
Sl,Othing M dicine. Lotions, instruments and
elec-uaries do more harm than good. VIII
liam's Ointment absOrbs the iumOiS. allays
the intense itching, particularly sI nig1t af-
te getting warm i'll bed), acts as a pOuitice,
gives instant Tel.es. and is prepared only for
Piles, itching of the private p;.rts, ana for
nothing else.
Read What the Hon. J NJ. Coiiinburry OF
Cleveland. says about d.. Williams Indian
Pile Ointment: have u.ed- scores of Pile
Cure, and it affords me pleasure 20 say that
| have never found any hing which gave
such immediate and peTinanent relief us DIR.
Williams Indian Ointment.
For sale by all druggists or mailed on re-
ceipt Of price, 81 90.
HENRY Il co, Props.
Cleveland, o.
Hodge, Davis s. Co.. Wholesale Agents.
Portland, Oregon.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

-Despondency is sometimes called
'the blues" because the later term des-
cribes at once the color and effects of
impure blood. Change it to "rose-col-
Ored health" by using King of the Blood.
See advertisement,
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
Notice.

VNHE FIRM OF PACE & ALLEN IS this
business hereafter II be continued by A. "
Allen. All persons indebted to said firm
are hereby notified to sett their accounts
without delay. C.H. PAGE.
A. V. ALLEN.
Astoria. Oregon. Jan. /. 1852.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21

In all the latest Styles A share OF your pat
ronage is respectfully solicited.
Rooms opposite Liberty Hail, Chenamus
street.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
MRS. a. RAPpLEYEA,
DRESS MAKING

Formerly of New York, wishes TO an
nouhce to the ladies ofAstoria that she isnow
nrepared TO do
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
SheriTS Notice,

H1HE STATE. COUNTY, AND STATE
Il School Taxes for the year 1881, are now
due and can be paid at my Office at the Court
House. A. NJ. TWOMBLY,
d&wu Sheriff and Tax Collector
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
Dissolution Of Copartnershjp,

NOTICE is HEREBY GIVEN THAT the
~ partnership heretofore existing between
q Leinenweber and A. A. Cohn is this day
alSSolved by mutual consent. The business
der the firm name Of Leinenweber s. Co.
c. .LEINENWEBER
A. A. COHN.
Astoria, Jan. 70, 1852. dsod
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
NEW TO-DAY.


SELECT
u
r,,, -.
10 oc s''e" p'
Ae<o.Io oiuo No No
Aosot'o .u6"
On St Valentines Evening.
The Daily Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883, 1882-01-21
Health is Wealth.

DR.. E. c. Vests Nerve and Brain Treat
ment a specific for Hysteria. Dizziness,
Commissions, Nervous Headache, Mental De-
preston, Loss of Memory, Spermator. hOea.
lmpotency, Involuntary Emissions, Prema-
ture Old Age, caused by over-exertion, self
abuse, or over-indulgence, which leads to
misery, decay and death. One box will cure
recent cases. Each box contains one months
treatment. One dollar box, or six boxes
fof five dollars sent by mail prepaid on re-
ceipt OF price. We guarantee six boxes to
cure any case. With each order received by
us for SIX boxes, accompanied with five dol
guarantee to return the money if the treat
ment does not effect a cure. Guarantees ls-
sued only by W. Z. Dehent. druggist, As
toria, Oregon. Orders by mail at regular
prices.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-10-24
Bruin and the Baby.

Henry Flynn, who resides up in the
hills, near msllip. Cal, tells the Chico
Record that a bear of the cinnamon
species abducted his 3-year-old daugh.
ter, not with any desire to harm the
child, but through a strange kind Of
affection. Mr. Flynn started one morn
ing to take a horse to pasture, about
two miles from the house, putting his
child upon the horses back, and let her
ride about forty rods from the house,
where he put her down aud told her to
run home Looking back after going a
little farther he saw her playing in the
sand. He soon passed out of sight aud
was gone about an hour, expecting, Of
course, that the chitd would return to
the house after playing a few moments,
On returning home he made inquiry
about her OF her mother who said she
had not seen her and supposed he had
taken her along with him, On going
TO the spot where he left her he saw
huge bear tracks in the sand, and AT
once came to the conclusion that the
child had been carried of by the bear
The family immediately made search
through the forest, which was grown up
to almost jungle, nor did they stop
when darkness came on. but remained
in the woods, calling the lost one by her
name, Morning came, and still their
search was fruitleSs. A couple of gentle
men from below, who are travelling
through the mountains buying stock,
came to the house, and, being informed
of the circumstances, Immediately set
out to find her. As they were passing
o swamp, where the underground was
thick, one of them heard her voice He
then called her by name, and told her
to come out of the bushes, She replied
that the bear would not let her. The
men then crept Though the brush, and
when near the spot whore she and tho
bear We're, they heard a splash in the
water, which the child said was the
bear, On going to her they found her
standing upon n log extending about
half way across u swamp, Tho bear
had undertaken to cross the swamp on
the log, and being pursued left the child
ana GOT away rs rapidly as possible,
She had received some scratches about
the face, arms, and legs, and her
clothes were almost torn from her body;
but the bear had not bitten her to hurt
her, only the marks of his teeth being
found on her back, where, in taking
hold Of her clothes to carry her, he had
taken the flesh also, The little one says
the bear would put her down occasion.
ally to rest, and would put his nose up
to her face, when She would slap him;
and the bear would hang his head by
her side and purr aud rub against her
like II cat. The men asked her ii she
was cold in the night, and she told
them the old bear lay down beside her,
and put his Farms" around her and
kept her warm, though she did not like
his long hair. She was taken home ia
her parents.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-10-24
Marrying Under Difficulties.

In August 1874, says the San Francis
co Chronicle, after an extraordinary
journey overland with an OK team, John
Sullivan and his sister Mary arrived In
Yerba Bucua (now San Francisco), and
in two short months Michael Shercback,
native of Denmark, had won the hand
of the brave girl, and they were ready
for marriage On applying to the Span
ish priest ut the mission, they were in
formed that they must reside in the
county one year before their marriage
would be permitted. Not willing to
wait nor willing to forego tho usual GER
emory Of civilization, they were in great
straits, till British man-of-war dropped
anchor at Saucelito Ferryboats did not
run every hour in those days, and in
their perpleXity they applied to Captain
James Buddington, of New London,
Conn, Just in from the north with
ship-load of whale oil and bone, and n
boat was placed at their service, num-
ber of sailors volunteering to pull them
over They found chaplain on board
the man.of-war who married them ac-
cording to the forms Of the Church of
England which gave them legal right
to the relation of husband and wife, but
as good Catholics they were not proper
~ married till year later, when the
mission priest remarked them according
to the ceremonial of the Catholic church
The husband died some years ago, but
the widow, II venerable lady past go
years of age, still lives in this city, and
recently she received u call from Capt.
Elihu Avery, master of the bark Legal
Tender, who has not met her since the
day Of the marriage, thirW-eight years
ago. lie was then sailor boy, about
II years of age, and helped TO row the
bridal party to the man.ol-wNr and back
again. A bottle Of champagne was
opened, and the health of the lady duly
toasted by THE gallant captain and
party Of friends, while the "reminiscences
Of the adventure were recalled with
great interest