The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-07-21
HUMOROUS.


Polish refugee.
The palmy days OF boys life are
those in which he gets properly spanked
by his mother.
"Thats what beats me-" as the boy
said when he saw his father take the
skate-strap down from it's accustomed
nail. .
"I've been heron bad things about
you," said one big bird to another.
Lets stork about something else !"
was the response.
The reason that baggageman re-
Gently hurled himself from a fourth
story window was that he was insane
and thought he was trunk.
A philosopher says "The man who
laughs is the sympathetic man." It is
astonishing how many sympathizers q
man has when he slips down and hurts
himself.
A list Of forty-two circuses is publish
ed which have taken the road this sea-
son. Each one OF thirty OF these is
'the largest show on earth," while the
other twelve are only petty monster
aggregations."
When reprimanded by his employer
for absenting himself from the Office for
two entire days, Fogg very calmly re-
piled that he believed in the Office
seeking the man, and not the man sock
Young wife from the city: John,
dear, shall have that saucy looking
chicken killed tomorrow" 'But, my
dear, that is the only rooster we've got.b
IL don't care if it is I've had my eye
on it all along, and it hasn't laid an egg
since we've been here"
According to an arithmetical cx-
change the proportion this year is about
four liars 10 one trout.
The good that men do may be inferred
with their bones, but the coffius of
some men are not crowded.
In 1869 Bismarck wrote a poem.
Justice is slow but sure, and he is now
stricken with neuralgia.
"Pm sitting on the 'style,' Mary" as
the fellow said when he cooly sat down
on his sweethearts bonnet.
ror ladies' dresses, but the coat sleeve
around the waist remains the favorite.
Eve did not experience any of the
torture endured by the modern lady of
fashion, and yet, like the latter. she had
nothing to ware.
This country has over u, 900 BICYCLES,
and you are mighty safe, young man,
in taking the daugh ter of court plaster
maker for an heiress.
Kate Field wants men to wear knee
breeches, and Mrs. Swisshelm wants
them to wear no breeches. Between
the two, the masculine sex is beginning
to get little flabbergasted.
Americans are great scribblers. Even
the lunatcs OIL Blackwcll's Island edit
and publish paper. And they are not
TIE only lunatics engaged in the busi-
ness.
"Well, WE'LL" said Ellington, maies-
tlcly, "we mustn't be too severe OH The
Young fellows. l suppose was as big
fool as any of them when | was
young" eyes," replied Fogg, "and
you are not an old man now Billing
ton."
"Concentrate all your energies Oh
one thing and you will succeed" says
tho philosopher. How about the man
who devotes his whole time to the prob
EN- OF how to make living without
work?
"A western young man, aged Is, has
'loped with married woman of three
core years. This aesthetic craze for
antiquities is becoming altogether too
general, and threatens to canse trouble.
It,wos. on T.;-L r:i-., --s'v, vvsus -sn--
ii II he knew the rocks in the harbor,
eplied, with confidence: 81 do yer
lonor, livery one av them. That's
yan," he added, calmly, as the ship
truck it, filed and sank.
''Have you," asked the Judge of
ecently convicted man, "auythinp TO
Her the court before the sentence is
,assedy' "No yonr honor" replied
he prisoner, "my lawyer took my last
entrr
AS he took his seat in the barber's
hair he asked the barber if he had the
anne razor he had used on hirT two
lays before. Being answered affirma-
lively, the patient man said: "Then
i've me chloroform."
Ii is asserted over and over that
nxiety shortens life, but when chap
ees another fellow feeding his girl
at q picnic is he going to
it down and bid his soul be calm?
'ot by booljack.
"Iiave you had Your ears pierced?"
sked Young lady of her chum, who
we'd next door. 81 should think So"
las the crushing reply, "hearing you
ing every day" There is now a great
ulf of GOODNESS between the two.
A boy undertook TO torture wasp
y touching lighted match to its body.
he wasp applied its warm side to the
oy's hand. AS it flew away it gave
he boy these words of wisdom: "Nev-
try to beat a man at bis own game.
A new contribution basket is invent
l which rings a gong every time
ntton without an eye or ten cent
iece with one is dropped into it. The
rst Sunday it was tried in an Amster-
Am church it went of like a Gatling
IN the whole round trip.
An Austin man started in The livery
able business last week, and the first
ing he did was to have big sign
iinted representing himself holding a
ule by the bride. "Is this a good
keness of me?' he asked an admiring
lend. "Yes, ii is perfect picture of
ou, but who is the fellow holding you
J the bride T- lTexas Siftings.
He was iine-looking man, and he
roudly strutted down the sidewalk
iih the air of proprietorship in every
ovement. "Beg pardon, SIR" said
ranger, as he stepped up to him, hat
hand in utmost humility, "do have
'ur permission to remain in town