Mexico weekly ledger., 1882-12-28
WIT AND HUnoR.

'sThis is q base insinuation," said the
! tramp, as he sailed out of the front
gate on the bow of No. Is double-soled
boot
I When physician has cured a singer
of hoarseness, he sends in bill of in
voice. The bill being worded: To cur
ing one in-growing tone all.
Said Mr.. Moriarity. in explanation of
his battered appearance, 'Ye see the
horse was dhriving waz u mule" And
MIR. Finnegan replied: ''Ye need say no
more, Dennis"
Ihe "sermonette, spoken OF SO ire
quently in the West, is not full SER
talk, sufficient TO call = congregation OF
hearers together, but not powerful
enough to wear them out
Professor George Bristow aims to be
the most honest Of critics. and on being
asked by the father OF an animated
foghorn how he liked his daughters
voice, he replied: ''She sings like
Patti (under his breath) gonian"
A Scotch lawyer was so short in stat
ure that it was necessary for him to
stand on a stool when addressing the
court. "Well," said wit, on seeing
him thus elevated. this is one way of
rising at the bar"
'.Whar's the man that's going up in
that balloon?" inquired a countryman.
That's the fellow standing on the left
of it." Rather thin, isn't he, thought"
returned country. YES" answered
the other; ''he's thin in purse as well as
in person. He's the heir o'naught-"
Fritz 10 Miller-"To-day is my BIRTH
day." Emma-"And mine, too" Karl
mime, toor' Bertha-s'Minc, too!''
Miller-'.Why, what remarkable coin-
cidence, neighbour Mother - 'Ah,
yes you see, we celebrate them all on
the same day, because it's cheaper"
Heard at doorstep: "Why. MIR.
Milkman. you said your cows were
drying up and you could only let me
two quarts" s'Yes, mum; can spare j.
more now -sows'-oi q the other SSss6ies
have died.'
'Gentlemen, you may not think it.
but / have stood on the top round OF
the ladder" said an inebriated individ-
ual who was haranguing the crowd.
''Troth, thin," exclaimed one of his
hearers, ''That same ladther must
been lyin' fiat on the ground"
"Heavensr'shriekeda an excited moth
er, as the nurse let the baby fall over
the second floor banister. 1.-Two inches
nearer the wall and that child would
have smashed a fifty dollar statuette
and the hall lamp" And then they
picked up the baby.
An old Irish soldier who prided him
self on his bravery, said he had fought
in the battle of Bull Run. When asked
If he had retreated and made his es-
cape as others did on that occasion, he
replied, "Be jabers. those that didn't
run are there yet!'' Il
s.Mr. Brown. do YOU eat mushP' P's
asked four-year old fiend OF his sis
ter's beau. "Why, Johnnier' "He-
cause sister says she wishes you would
MT talk like you had Mouthful Of
mush.' Sister faints. md Brown re-
members that he has an engagement.
Australia.
Irritated mamma "No, itk.:.. -
fit as If he had been born to it, i.u ie
MT fit at ALL" '.But s'heip me Nrpose
ritated mamma-"Your advertiesional
says, Money returned if not approvx con-
| Mr.. Moses-''So they do, ma teaa
| they do; but your money vas apprsI
it vas very goot money!"
The president of q little Aas6Ssfa1s'
railroad boasts that they have not ha6
an accident for live years. We travelled
over that line oace. A trusty flagman
walks ahead Of every train, and when
| he becomes tired the train stops and
the passengers go fishing until he gets
| rested.
.Well, Tom," said blacksmith to
his apprentice. "you have been with me
now three months, and have seen all
| the different points in our trade; wish
TO give you your choice of work for a
| while "..Thank' ee. sir. ""Well. now, what
part Of the business do You like bestp'
| 'Shuttin' up shop and goin' 10 dinner"
Professor-..Now, Mr.. Snodkins, You
| may cri:icise the theme ] have Just
| read" Snodkins-..rd rather write a
| criticism. sir. can't talk as well as 1
can write" Professor-(who had wad-
cd through Snodkins' last theme with
great difficulty )-"Then, sir, l am sor-
ry for you"
Ma" howled boy running into the
house and approaching his mother,
''ma, little brother hit me with stick"
''Well, I'll whip your little brother"
| said the mother, abstractedly tucking
together a pair of stockings she had
been darning. mo, don't whip him:
don't let him have any supper.
whipped him before he hit me-"
One day towards nightfall, and in an
uncertain light, n man bought an over
coat OF pretended plum-color. The
next morning il proved to be of quite
| ton = f.l hla Dnt,, q,
to the storekecper, that worthy regard
ed the buyer calmly and said. aYou
must have a little patience with it, nv
dear sir; il isn't ripe yet"
A Boston editor bounced the cook.
cuffed two children. left his wife in tears
and made a bee line for the Office and
wrote: "lf you want to make the world
brighter and better, begin by being kind
and loving to those in the small circle
Of your own family, and from that as n
center work ont as you are permitted
to 60"
| When we see the young man of the
period with the cutaway coat, his ears
sheltered from the cold north wind
blasts by the broad expanse of collar.
his two watch chains, but no watch,
his pointed shoes and intellectual eye-
glass. his tootsey-wootscy cane and pam
cake hat, we realize that the sS4. .0O0.-
600 annually expended in educating the
American routh is little enough
! A short time ago. at a school in the
north Of England. during lesson on
the animal kingdom, the teacher put
the following question: ''Can any boy
name to me an animal of the order
edeatetd; that is, n front-tooth toothless
animalY' A boy. whose face beamed
with pleasure at the prospect of good
mark, replied: II can" ..Well, what
Is the animal?', ..My grandmother,
replied the boy. in great glee.
Yes" he said. zone Of the very
incest. best girls in the world. is In love
with me, and folks know 1t, and IL Just
breaks my heart Why should itp Why,
don't you know that nice fellows al
ways get some cheap creature for a
wife, and nice girls always marry mis-
prable fellowss Folks know she Is n
thoroughly good girl, aud they set me
Town as regular tough. NY charac-
ter Is ruined"
Il go for q season butI return anon"
playfnlly remarked the merchant when
be left the Office at 1o:45 A. NJ. What
does he meang' timidiy asked the new
boy. "Oh," replied the boy who wasn't