News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-12-28
WIT AND WISDOM.


Now IS A good time to sacqus youI
wife.
HORSES sometimes appear to be alnos'
human. One in ST. Louis chews tooae-
co. The habit does not show superior
intelligence, but it illustrates what
horse can do when associated with men,
GREGORY says that an acre OF land may
contain six. tons of worms. 30 IL may !
but if Mr.. Gregory ever tried to dig a
box of bait on ten minutes notice OF an
invitation to go fishing in dry time, ne
knows it don't.-LOa0eU Courier.
A NEW book is called How to Keep
Store" 1t is a work of several hundred
pages, and life is too short to read 1t.
The best way to keep store is to adver-
tise judiciously, and thus prevent it fall
ing into the hands of the sherif.-Nor-
ristoaUn Herald.
VENNoR's almanac for 1888 lies before
us. Don't misunderstood us. We don't
mean to say-well, what we do mean Is
that we have received a copy, and that it
contains sixty pages of statements re-
garding the extent, quality and durabiI-
-ity of next years weather.-Teras Sift-
ings.
ILLINOIS is worrying over the question,
Z" Who shall step into David Davis's
shoes?" The next Senator may step
into David's shoes, but by the great
American desert, he'd better keep out OF
the old mans trousers, if he wants to be
found in time to draw any pay.-Hda0k-
eye.
AMONG some old papers sent to the
Austin jail, says Siftiaags, was the cleo
ton circular of one of the local candi-
dates. One of the prisoners, who has
been in the jail for the last year, looked
at it. and said "Look here, boys, this
is not intended for us. 1t is addressed.
.'To the people at large. That don't
mean us.
One Kentucky stage robber success.
fully plundered the driver and three
passengers, rifed the mail, took a wheel
off the coach, and calmly went his way.
Had there been two or three more pass
engers and a guard, he would have sent
his boy to do the job, while he went
down to Texas to do some mans work.
A KANSAS man, upon being aroused
from his bed at a. m. to split some
kindlings, INDUCED in heather language,
and wished something would come along
and convert everything combustible into
kindling wood. Next day a cyclone
came bowling along and knocked his
house into kindlings, and yet he was not
1t is impossible to please some
men. n.-NoTriStOaU Herald.
"Is man or woman justified at any
time in telling lie ?" was the problem
for solution at the Lee Literary Associa-
ton last week. He is when his girl hints
at champagne supper while there are
but fifty cents and lead nickel IN hls
pockets. A woman is justified
when squint-eyed old bachelor of sixty
with $25, 900 year, asks her if she loves
him.-Puck.
ONE of our enterprising drummers
went in the private Office of a gruff old
gentleman in one of the back towns, and
began asking all sorts of questions, but
without getting any satisfaction. Baf-
fled at all points, he asked, in despair,
" Well, what is your business any way ?"
60 ince you ask it, " replied the gruff old
gentleman, &C. will tell you, am in the
brass casting business" And he cast
him out.
OvERwoRKED Americans A travel
stained tramp was sitting under the pro-
tecting segis of a stone-wall with a news
paper in his hand. Eyes, he remarked,
sadly, 'fHerbert is right overwork is
what's raising the deuce with us Ameri-
cans. But as long as live il shall. be
my endeavor to stand n living rebuke
to the spirit of unrest which animates SO
many of our people, and which is hiding
so many of our young and promising
men in early graves. "-Boston Tran
script.
A CERTAIN lawyer of New York, well
known for his powers of repartee, had
been down to Salina to try case. Re
turning to town the conductor was very
impertinent in his manner because the
lawyer was rather tardy in producing his
ticket when called for to be punched.
Somewhat ruffled, the lawyer remarked
to friend next to him: "The Southern
Pacific shall never see q cent of my mon
ey after this" " ''Going tc foot it up and
down from now on, eh ?" sneered the
conductor. ooh, no, replied the law
yer, quietly: "Instead of buying my
ticket at the Office 1 shall pay my fare to
yon."
Night Work in a Great City.