Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-07-10
WITH SCISSORS CAUGHT.
rhe ball comes through the crack of the

The ball cemes through the crack Of the
rife.-[Boston Transcript.
At the seasnore this season it will be
fashionable to bathe only when the water
isn't damp. IL Philadelphia Chronic Herald.
Pittsburg will never make success of
glass shingles. There is no chance for the
carpenters to waste nails-[ Detroit Free
Press.
Sleep knits up the raveled sleeve of
care, but che let's the worn.out seat of pov.
erty's pants take care of tself.-[Sslem
Sunbeam.
The Hartford Post deVotes whole col.
-,,,.sl, 10 ..l,ise lsew aiconci streets peo=
ple." Just as il everybody didn't know
Boston Post.
Now is the time when the dog sits on
the stump of his tail and grins at his
owner for paying a license to let him run
unmuzzled. Il New York Commercial Ad-
vertiser.
a man sued an Ohio journal for $40, 900
damages, and was awarded one cent. 1t
beats all how accurately jury will occa-
sionally size up an editors pile.-[ Bloom.
ington Eye. "
A man was thrown, from his bicycle
down in Connecticut last week and in
stantly killed. It is supposed that the
bicycle GOT frightened at horse. IL Phila.
deiphia News.
"Oh, Mother, Take the Wheel Away"
is recent pathetic song. 1t can't begin
with the old song we used to singy called,
"Oh, Daddy, Well Never Do It Again.
New Haven Register.
Things one would wish to have expressed
differently Musical maiden-"I hope i
am not boring you, playing so much ?"
Enamored youth--"Oh, no Pray go on
I'D 80 much sooner hear you play than
talk ~ London Punch,
4 Chattanooga negro was looking up
chimney, when bolt of lightning came
down and stripped the buttons off his vest.
When he got his breath he remarked that
if he had known that cat was up there, and
calculating to come down, he wouldn't
have got in the way for s5.-[BOston Post.
Mrs. Bourhill to Mrs. Kirke-" Well,
how is Jenny to-day is she any better ?"
Mrs. K Nae better, mem nae better"
Mrs. b" Does the doctor give you no
hope of her ?" Mrs. K.-"0h no, mem"
Mira. B" Does she know of her state p
Mrs. K.-"0h, weel she does, mem she's
deid.
A journey around the world now takes
about ninety days, and the cost can bo
reduced to $500. And in going round in
that time and at that expense you can
have about as much fun as you'd get in
sitting all night in rain storm on picket
fence, listening to dog bark at a cat in
barrel.-[ Boston Post.
The way we live now. "WelI, old chap
pie, what did the doctor say?" cob
said | wan to give up tea, and take plenty
OF rest, aud all that. Mean to. But
what did he say about big cigars and
brandies and sodas in the morning, and all
that g Oh didf,' mention it. Fact is--
never asked him RI London Punch.
They don't somehow seem to get the hang
Of American events in Greece. That's
why the Greek Minister thought he was
saying pleasant and complimentary
thing to the American tourist when he ex.
pressed himself as delighted to meet man
from country where they produced such
wise statesmen and good men as Mr.. Gui.
teau.-T TSomerville Journal.
A lady whose husband was the cham
pion snorer of the community in which
they resided, confded to female
friend the following painful intelli-
gence My life has not been one
of unalloyed delight / have had
the measles, the chicken-pox, the cholera,
the typhoid fever and inhammatory rheu.
matism, but l never knew what real mis-.
fortune was until I married q burglar
alarm. u Brooklyn Eagle.
Out in Arizona an American and Mex.
loan had FIGHT the other day. pistol