Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-04-14
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INFLUENCE OF MUsIC.-''I has received
a letter from Boston," slowly remarked
Brother Gardner, ''axin me fur my obser-
vashuns on dc inflooence Of music on man
kind. l reply dat mankind wldout music
would BE- chawln' each odder up in half
day. Music am de stone wall dat sur
rounds marcy, peace, charity and humani-
ty. Only las week war writin' down
my observashuns fur de las ferty-ssven
Vars, an will glib dem to de public as
follows:
DE SCUM of hoss-fddls brings up old
reckoleckshuns an starts de tear of regret.
IT played long huff, an de wind am in de
right direckshun, it will cause de listener
to shell out subscripshun of $1,000 lords
a new Guild Baptist Church. Try it once
an d be convinced.
."De SCUM of harp hits man below de
belt. He begins to fink of all de mean
fngs he ever did. an to wish he adm It,
an at de eand Of fifteen minits he am
ready to step ober an pay his naybur 81 a
piece fur de hens he shot in his garden las,
spring.
''De SCUM of de fiddle grabs on to seben
different hart strings at once, an a man
am knocked SO flat he will esteem it priv
ilege to lem you $40.
''De jewsharp goes right to de soul. If
your wife am all ready to 'lope off wild de
hired man, de jewsharp will take her bon
net off in sixteen seconds. If you keep a
hired man you should also keep q Jews
harp.
ssPianner music sometimes hits and some
times misses. re known it to axe an
old bald head 60 home an pass two hull
hours without cuffln' the child'en, and
I'ze kncwn it to cause young gal to slide
down ober de roof of kitchen an lope
off wild the owner Of a sideshow.
ssDe guitar allus brings sadness and a
resolushun to begin on the LIST of January
to quit runnin' out nights an playing
policy.
Ode brass ban might soothe a sorrowin
soulif the said sorrowin' soul didn't have
all he could do to hold his boss.
ssDe melod;an used to produce a desire
on de part of de listener to be buried un-
der ysw-ysw tree, but hear dey hav' i'm
pruved it so dat person had as lief be bur-
led under Eastwood.
DE organ fills tbs soul wild awe and
strikes do heroic chord. If you am lay'n
fur q man, do not tackle him just al
ter he has bin taking in the notes of an
organ.
ssDe banjo-yum If you want my dog
my hoss-my house an lot, play me de
bapjs an keep time wild yer fut. spec de
music OF angelic harps am sweet and sofs
an dreamy, but if dey want to keep us
cull'd folks satisfied up dar' leetle raore
banjo an lestle less harp am de fust pre-
scription. Let US now attack de business
OF the neeting.''
A MISTAKE WAS NADIA young lady
gave .'hsr young man" beautifully
worked pair of slippers, and he ackno~I
edged the present by sending her his pic
ture, encased in handsome frame. He
!. wrote note to send with it, and at the
same time replied angrily to an oft-repeat
ed dun for an unpaid for suit Of clothes.
He gave boy ton cents to deliver the
package and notes, giving explicit direc-
ton as to he destination of each.
It was boy with freckled face, and
he discharged his errand in manner that
should give him niche in the temple of
fame.
The young lady received note in her
adored ones handwriting, and flew to her
room to devour its contents. She opened
the missive with eager fingers, and read:
''I'm getting tired of your everlasting
attentions. The suit is about worn out
already. It never amounted to much, any
way. Please 60 to thunderl''
And the tailor was struck utterly dumb
when he opened a parcel and discovered
the picture of his delinquent customer,
with note that said:
~ hen you gaze upon the features,
think how much I owe you"
When the unfortunate young man called
around that evening to receive the happy
acknowledgment of his sweetheart, he was
very ostentatiously showed off the steps
by the yonng lady's father.
At . church festival at New York the
fried oysters we're spoiled, and condemned
as unfit for food. The pious and bsnsvo
lent managers, by formal vote, sent them
to the Old Ladies' Home without mention
ing the source from which they CAME
Thus another transformations act of chart
ty is registered above.
1t is the little things that fret and wor-
ry US A three-year-old boy may keep
man in perfect Missy, whereas no such
trials world accompany the presence of
his sighteen-year-olds sister.
Is he good German scholar ?" they
ask ed of the Washington belle concerning
her lover, ''Splendid!, she replied. He
holds lady beautifully, and knows all the
figures.
Dynamite was recently discovered in the
Cars frewood. He must have be stealing
fire wood from some of the neighbors.-
We didn't know Alex. was that kind of a.
car.
The good that men do may be inferred
With their bones, put the collins of some
smen are not crowded.