Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1882-03-01
SPICE AND AlLSPlCE,

him on horse-trade myself
FLoaa1NG in insane asylums Fogg
thinks perfectly proper. He says they
pound the patients, just as the railway
men do carwheels, to see if they are
cracked Boston Transcript.
Col. ARMS, of Philadelphia, is lectur-
ing on Girls" That is very inter-
esting subject to handle. "Girls," of
course, don't object to having Arms
about observation-disclosures Herald.
To an enthusiastic angler who pleaded
for just one more bite, at fishing party
Of which Crauf was tired, the latter said,
"But we must draw the line some
where. Tolerated Rail1roy journal.
The following prize question has
been propounded by the New York
Debating Club: II 5O-cent piece with
ahole in it is worth IS cents, what is the
value of the hole without the half dol
lar?
The papers tell of courtship and
marriage brought about by note writ
ten on an egg shell. It is the most eggs
traordinary affair. The two hearts are
now yolked together.-Boston Trans
cript.
IT is said that Count Taaffe is likely
to have considerable difficulty in man
aging the Austrian Reichsrath during the
present session. He should remember
what's in q name, and give it to 'em.-
OIL City Derrick.
Four boys got into Denver theatre
free by using a skeleton key on side
door. They enjoyed their deadheadism
every evening for week, and were only
detected when they began to let in other
boys at half the regular price of admis-
sion.
WAITER: "Isn't that a pleasant
wine?'' Guest: "It has a fine flavor.
The color pleases me very much. .
Waiter: ''I should smile. MAY be the
boss didn't have time getting it up to
the right color. He had to ransack all
the drug stores in .town."-ZerQs 4Si1t-
ings.
FRITZ has been hunting up the pedi.
gree Of DR.. Tanner, the celebrated hun
cry man, and finds he is of very ancient
lineage. The forty third verse of chap
ter nine, Acts Of A postles, reads: "And
days with one Simon A. Tanner. BUR-
ttHYtOTt NN<Chtye.
81 WONDER" said a young hopeful of
seven, who bad been to grand we'd
ding in stylish church, wonder
why the organ played Lo-he-grins 2"
"How very stupid, Freddie !" was the
prompt reply of his young sister. cit
wasn't Lo'he-grins; it was Lo-he's-
green"
GLOW many lenses are there ?" asked
teacher OF boy. "Seven, answered
the boy; "the present, the perfect, the
imperfect, the pluperfect, the first
future, the second future and Oscar
Wilde" "Why," asked she, "what
tense is he?" "Oh," replied the boy,
"he's intense! "-TAe Judge.
"YEss1R," said the marketman,
"plenty of game on hand. What'n you
have?" And the gentleman replied:
"Oh, don't wish to purchase any now.
I don't know as shall want any at all.
But expect to go hunting this after
noon, and just thought I'd make sure
there was some in the market, in case I
didn't kill any" -Boston Post.
A CONTEMPORARY asks: Glow shall
women carry their purses to Illustrate
the thieves?" Why, carry them empty.
Nothing illustrates a thief more than to
snatch woman's purse, after following
her half mile, and then find that it
contains nothing but a recipe for spiced
peaches and faded photograph of her
grandmother.-C Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
The other night professional mes
merizer found great difficulty in per-
suading any one to come on the stage.
Finally one young man concluded to
risk it, and the first experiment was
with glass of water, the youth being
made to believe that it was alternately
brandy, whisky, champagne, etc., and
drinking it with great gusto. In five
minutes thirty-seven men were On the
platform asking to be mesmerized.
J. A. P, Nation, Ill. -" Would you
like to publish in Siftings, a compost
ton written by boy on mule ?" We
do not wish to encourage boys to write
on mules, and therefore cannot use the
manuscript. Boys should writs at home
on slate, and when on mule should
give all their attention to steering the
quadruped. Now, if you had anything
written by mule on a boy there would
doubtless be something original in that,
and we would gladly publish it-2eros
Settings.
The game of "He can do little who
can't do this, is thus described: "With
a stick in the left hand the player
thumps on the floor, at the same time
saying, He can do little who can't do
this Then passing the stick into his
right hand he gives it to the next person,
who, if unacquainted with the game,
will, no doubt, thump with the right
hand. OF course, it is most natural to
use the right hand for everything, con-
sequently few people suspect that the
secret of the game lies in simply taking
the stick with the right hand but knock
ing with the left. "-Neao York Mail.
The readiness, ease, and grace Of
Jack VS. extemporaneous lying com
manded respectful attention wherever he
went. No locality could he mentioned
in casual conversation but he would
show himself to be familiar with it an6
that in some way it was connected with
kis family. When an allusion was made
to the superiority of Goshen butter, b.
neatly observed that old Goshen, who
first introduced it into general use, wa.
his uncle. When, on another occasion,
an allusion was made to the natura
bridge of Virginia, he remarked with Of
air of modesty that he knew all about it
and could give it's dimensions with pre-
cision if desired, as his father was on,
of the contractors that built it. He wa
quite an artist in his way,