Connecticut western news., 1882-11-22
WIT AND WISDOM.

WHAT'S in a name?" Bright child 'I know what they call 'em, mamma, when there's three twins" Mamma-- "What, Katy?" B. G." Giblets.
 MRS. LANGTKY never saw fire in her life until the Park Theatre burned. If she stays in this country year she will want to "rlln wid de machine"
 AN old bachelor says: "It is all non- sense to pretend that love IS blnd never yet knew Il man in love that did not see ten times as much in his sweet heart as could.'
 THE postmaster of Bathurst, N. D., has the. following notice posted up in his office: "All persons having no business in this office will please transact 1t as soon as possible and leave."
 SAID Q loving wife to her husband "Do you know, dear, that butterfly or naments are very fashionable?" "Per- haps so" he grlt1iy replied, "but grub is the great desideratum.
 IT IS SAID the Secretary of the Treas ury will soon make Q call for the extended fives We hope the Secretary will not be unlucly enough to call for the ex- tended fives of MT. J. Sullivan, of Boston.
 A SCIENTIST asserts that all babies are deaf for sometime after their birth. This is mighty lucky for the babies, as they don't hear the miserable gush that IS old bachelor.
 A LADY says it takes many men whole lifetime to learn to take BIO bill down town without breaking it. She forgot to add that it takes many woman whole l lifetime to learn to take a man down | town without breaking him.-Detro1 1 Free Press.
 TIE first day Artemus Ward entered Toledo, travel-worn and seedy, he said to an editor who was on the street: " Mis- ter, where could I get q good dinner for two shillings?" He was told; and then he inquired, "I say, mister, where could I get the two shillings?"
 JOKES about the poverty of newspaper men have been laid on the shelf. They are not funny any more, because people have found out that they are not true. Look at James Gordon Bennett and Jay
 Gould and Robert Bonner and-and the rest of us.-PhiJadelohia Ne'cs. AT the anglers tournament in New
 York recently, it was shown that MT.
 Pritchard can cast fly further than any
 young man in America. If MT. Prit-
 chard will agree to cast all the flies into
 the middle of the Atlantic, he can hear
 something to his advantage by calling
 around at the beginning of dog-days
 next summer.
 LITTLE Eddie T. was sick of gastric
 fever, peevish and fretful, but he seemed
 to want the idea to prevail that it wasn't
 much trouble to attend him. His
 mamma, while bathing his brow, sooth-
 ngly remarked: What Is home with
 out mother?" The young rascal inn
 mediately snapped out: Well, what
 would mother be without home?" THE other day we remarked that cer- tain paper was going to try to be respect able. The paper got mad, for some req | son, at the observation and has snarled at us like a cross cat in barrel. We
 are disposed to accommodate, and there
 fore withdraw the remark and state that
 tho paper aforesaid is not going to try to
 be respectable.-SonoerU Jo,07saL | AN OLD farmep came into the sanctum this morning and stated that he had tried all sorts of reapers, but had never
 found one to suit him. He had heard, he said, of a reaper called Death, and 4 he believed he would buy one if we ', could inform him where and by whom u they were manufactured. When we told
 him that particular kind was made no . mower he breathed a scythe, then left. l-ROcheStGr Post.
 EMPLOYMENT OFFICE OF THE FUTURE.
 -" You say you will give me $10 week
 to do your housework. Have you a wife?' II "Yes." "Any children ?" "No" evil
 you let me have my gentlemen company in the parlor?" Certainly" "Ant ~ make me lots of nice presents ?" ooh yes." "And will you marry me wheI I, your wife dies?" "I can't promise yo' 70 that" "Thon, won't come, you stuck
 up old curmudgeon.
 "WIDDER JENKINS" said an Chi,
 farmer, as he hustled into her house on
 morning, II am a man of business
 I'm worth $10,000, and want you for
 wife. I give you three minutes in whicl h to answer" II don't want ten seconds le old man v she replied as she shook ou ol the dish-cloth "I'm n woman of bus ol ness, worth $16,000, and wouldn't marr lu you if you were the last man on earth le give you minute and half to gitl" H 1T got H'aU Stteet Ne,CS.
 AN Iowa paper has supplied long ,, felt want by giving to the public n - obituary notice thht bears upon its fac .a the stamp of honesty. It says: H
 gained his riches by loaning money an II handling notes and mortgages, had
 Statewide name for his litigation +o various counties and in the Suprem mi Courts, was graspmg and heartless in h nj, transactions, became divorced from h 10. wife, and died without friend" he AT REGENT fashionable wedding Is, after the departure of the happy pair, 'rr dear little girl, whose papa and mamn co were among the guests, asked, with of child's innocent iuquisitiveness "Wh to do they throw things at the pretty lad
 IL