Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1882-12-28
NUMBER "a
Holiday Humor.

Corn isn't shocked Oy cleCCrlclCy.-
Nev York Neaos.
When a man wants to step on the
scales he goes weigh.-LosUeI Courier.
The use Of iron cannot increase the
running qualities, but tin can.-Rock-
| land Courier.
The st. Louis lawyers seize each 9TH
| er by the throat; other people by the
| pocket.-Louisuille COurier-Journat.
| A mailed knight must have required
La good many postage stamps to carry
him though successfully .-BostonC Cour-
Ter.
Philadelphia has an artist named
Sword. When eight years of age he
was only little bowie.-Hartford
Times.
The daily newspaper is gradually
usurping the place of the sewing circle
as a disseminator Of news.-LOWeH
Cisizen.
| The rising young man of the future
is one who will be willing to jump up
and build the morning fires.-NeW Or
leans Picayune.
The young man who "went off like
shot" probably found too much pow
der on his girls cheek.-B0stOn Com
nsercidl Butietine.
/ Hogg is the name of hotel proprie-
tor in Hazelhurst. Mississippi, and
Hominy is the name of another.-At-
ldntc Constitution.
1t has now come out that Oscar Wilde
has a brother, but you can make up
your mind it wasn't the brother that
told.-LotUeU Courier.
There is in New York "Hawthorne
Dancing Club" The next thing in Or
der will be "Keats Athletic Associa-
tion."-Batalo Courier.
), A real estate transfer made on Sun
day is not legal, Notwithstanding the
. old saw, Better the day, better the
deed."-Boston Transcript.
It may be right occasionally to takea
bull by the horns, but it is always well
to keep in mind that the horns belong
to the bull.-Gtasgo,D Times.
!, Weaver, the Green back orator has be-
come an editor. Mr.. Weaver's friends
have long predicted that he would some
day arrive at Courier Jour
: 1s0l.
8 Young Lady-"And who comes aft
e er Esther? Is it Jot?" Pupil-"No,
0 miss; Billy Piper's big brother-I see
. him Sunday" y."-Ldransie Boomer
ang.
Leading out Of the village of Hope,
. n. J., is a covered bridge, upon which
e somebody has written: "Who enters
a here leaves Hope behind.-Cdnaden
9 Courier.
t Every day proves the power of the
r press. The merchant who advertised
for boy yesterday found male baby
;. on his steps last evening.-Phitadel-
# phia Chronicle.
. eff drink water they will say Pm
; using oxygen. If I drink something
: stronger they accuse me of taking q
, horn. Must I perish from thirst?'-
Courier-Journ0l.
The worst about kissing Pittsburg
. girl is that you carry the marks of coal
d dust about your nose and other features
: until you reach the nearest pump
) Burlington Haa0keye.
). Life must be perfect desert to the
a women of Salt Lake. What can they
talk about? There's absolutely moth
II ing man of that city can do that is
,. scandalous.-Boston Post.
u The eintelligent compositor left out the
y letter in paragraph about u beauti-
e full actress, and informed the public
q that crows focked to see her wherever
: she went.-N. Y. Herald.
Mrs. Lille Devereaux Blake is right.
Liberty should be represented not by
female, but by male. Care should be-
]. taken, however, not to use married
q man.-Phitndetphi NeaOs.
il An absent-minded woman in Ken
: tucky put corn plaster on letter and
| OF ctQ hnN
The letter turned up "dead." but the
= corn is still alive.-Lo,oeH Citizen.
d Carter Harrison says: "Up to the time
It I was twenty-five years of age never
J. saw a man who had the delirium tre-
, MEMS" Carter, 1t is safe to say, didn't
" live in Chicago then.--R0ston Post.
i swell, mr4tlam, how's your husband
: to-day?p aWhy, doctor, he's no bet
9 but he only took three of them raw-T
t. had to fry the rest."-Detroit Free
Press.
% How Dickens could have drawn all
lis la wyers as such cold .blooded, meth
J. odicai wretches when he had the pleas
8 ure of knowing such a genial, anecdotal
of gentleman as Sergeant Ballantine, is
! tdifficult to divine. ~. Y. Herald.
,eI EYES," he said, '.that setter dog OF
~ mine IS mighty smart and does lots OF
"a cute things. But I never tell them,
'o never. You see, no matter how close.
in ly stuck to the truth folks would
J. think / lied.-Sonaervilte Journal.
h "Your father tells me, Tom, that you
"a are taking soft courses this year. What
4 are they?" "Well, you see, mother. it's
= term borrowed from the turf A soft
~ course is heavy course, and heavy
1e course Is hard course. See2n-IlaT
lie vard LGna7aoos.
r What are you looking around for s,
I'd much?" asked an Austin mother of he,
sixteen-year-old son, with whom sh,
was Walking. ~ am looking q arollnd or