Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-08-07
Rhode Island man called a !

A Rhode Island man called nelghDOr
''lantern-j jawed cockroach." A suit for
SANDER resulted, and the jury returned as
follows: ''Not guilty on lantern-jawed,
but way off ON cockroach and we find
damages in the sum of ten cents"
Don Carlos, the would-be king of Spain
and his wife parted. The cause of the
disagreement is not given, but the neigh
bors say she used the royal scepter to
stir soap with, and she set hen on four
teen ducks eggs in his kingly crown.
An Irish servant girl was requested by
a lady to go to one of our dry goods
stores and obtain a s'bed comforter" for
her. About an hour afterwards she re-
turned with one of the clerks. 1t is need
less to add, perhaps, that the lady tainted.
''Susie," said teacher to one of her
pupils, 'you shouldn't make faces. You'll
grow up homely if you make faces" !"
Susie looked thoughtfully in the teachers
face moment, and then innocently asked,
'tDid you make faces when you was a
little girl?"
The most absent-minded man was not
the man who hunted for his pipe when it
was between his teeth, nor the man who
threw his hat out of the window and tried
to hang his cigar on a peg; no! but the
man who put his umbrella to bed and
went and stood behind the door.
'I tell yer wot, boys" exclaimed old
Ben, the toughest man of the camp; 81
tell yer wot, boys, it made feller feel
kinder watery round the lids to hear that
little chit Of thing a-settin' up thar like
as an angel a-sayin' her prayers so cute,
Mary had little lamb or suthin' er
that Sort
Take off your overcoat or you won't
feel it when you go out, said the landlord
of a country inn to guest who was sit
| ting by the fire. ''That's what I'm afraid
off, returned the man. s'The last time ]
| was here took off my overcoat. I didn't
feel it when I went out, and I haven't
| felt it since.''
A young lady took off her back hair and
| placed it on the lounge. Her brother
William, came in and sat upon the capil.
larry attraction, but he got right up again
as if he suddenly remembered that he had
forgotten something down town. A hair
pin contested the seat and he attributes
his injury to misplaced switch"
''Do you think, Mary, you could leave
| father and mother, this pleasant home
with it's ease and comforts, and go to the
far west with young lawyer, who has
but little besides his profession to depend
upon, and with him search out new
home, which it should be your joint duty
to beautify and make delightful and hap
py like this?" Dropping her head softly
on his shoulder, she whispered: 81 think
I could, Archy." sWen, '~said he, 'sthere's
Tom Jones, who's going west, and who
wants to get a wife. I'll mention it to
| him.
In breach Of promise suit in Montana
not long ago the plaintiff said that the
defendant, having clearly understood the
date fixed for the wedding, had failed to
appear on the important day. He after
wards come to the house, but she being
angry had set the dogs ON him. The de-
fendant admitted that a day had been
named for the ceremony, and further said
that he had intended to be present as pei
agreement. "Then," said the Judge
'why did you not appear?" 'sWell, judge
the fact is l was treed by bear all day
and night and couldn't possibly get away
| in time.'' The case was dismissed and q
! few moments later Miss Plaintiff became
Mrs. Defendant.