The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-11-10
MR.. vANNORE,s DAUGHTER-IN-LAw.

TIE Van Nores were present at the
creation of the world Some people say
they made it, but one really knows bet
ter than that If it had not been for their
unaccountable belief that the builder of
the ark that rested on Mount Ararat was
jew, and their unutterable contempt
for the race ofSpinoza and Mendelssohn,
of Heine, Amerback and Disraeli, they
would not have hesitated to conceive
that the family name of the Patriarch
was Van More.
At any rate You may understand that
the Van Nores were an immensely an
cient family. so old as to be really worm
eaten. In the dust of the Van Nores
there were soldiers and statesmen, and
even a less regarded author or two; in
this century there was nothing at all to
speak of. If, however, any one says
their family tree was like one of those
old wide and deep-rooted fir-trees some
times seen, with but a single gnarled and
lichened branch leftof all its forest glory,
the best part of it underground, you can
see that the person is no friend of the
Van Nores. but one whose eyes have
been hurt by the dazzle of their splendor.
who has been forgotten at their ban
quets, looked at with a stony glare upon
the street or possibly knocked down and
bruised and ignored by their fast horses.
Being immensely ancient, immensely
distinguished and also immensely
wealthy. it goes without saying that
the Van Nores thought immensely well
of themselves. They never soiled their
garments by contact with the crowd;
they bought their pictures and stat
ues straight from the manufacturers
before they had been profaned by the
vulgar gaze; they would have liked the
gold they spent east with Van More
device and the die broken. They could
rot hope to keep all the knowledge in
the universe to themselves; but they did
not care so much for that-there were
always tutors and chaplains and all that
to be had. after the custom of certain of
the South Sea Island chiefs, who main
tain a Fila-oma, or Talking Man of
knowledge. If, once in a while, they
allowed themselves To come before the
public in a matter of suffrage. it was not
altogether without the sensation of some
wicked scribe who has written the Sacred
Name with unwashed hands, and, being
usually defeated. they relapsed into q
more profound contempt of the people
than before, and talked gibly of the adj
vantages of Il mo archy, although not
without an undercurrent of feeling that
in the event of monarchy the Van
Nores would be monarchs. They inter-
married, of course, only with families of
a pedigree and assumption one degree
less than-it could not be more than. and
could hardly be equal to-the Van Nores
Judge, then, of the bewildered and
amazed wrath of the Van More family
fha IS IL.
the name, the last OF the name, the only
male Van More left to go down the ages
with the weight of the family illustrious-
ness upon his shoulders, married young
girl in the West, unknown, obscure, poor
and Jewessl
More Van More had sister older than
himself, dark and imposing creature
with the Van More nose; he had sister
younger than himself. pallid. bloodless,
with her mothers delicacy of feature,
haughtiness to distinguish her from the
herd of young women; he had one Var
More cousin, a little apple-blossom hardly
coming up to the family requirements; he
had four Van More spinster aunts, who
If they quarreled among themselves lik,
birds in a wood, presented an unbroker
phalanx of family integrity to the public
and who, with the idea that they had the
manners of duchesses. really gave som,
reason to believe them directly descended
from the Patriarch, they looked so ex
tremely like the wooden women in tn,
children's toy arks. His father embodied
all the dignity, pomposity and granduel
of all the Van Nores before him, as if hi
were the flame of their ashes; he had bu
one gift, and that was faculty for sa
tirical speech, which he exercised will
impunity upon his wife-his wife, tn,
line of whose descent was so long that i
had worn TO a colorless, attenuated threaC
in her, a thin, pale, languid woman, O.
whose condition it expressed little to SAY
she dared not call her soul her own, be
cause. in looking at her, or looking
through her, rather. it was not clear thai
she had n soul--a woman without intel
lect, without individuality, and almos
without vitality. Into this assemblagt
More Van More had dared introduce {
person absolutely without grandfather
and whose grandfather, had she had one
would have been named Shacabac!
Mr.. Van More and his household would
entreat this vile and vulgar intriguer
who had thrust herself upon them, anc
had thought to lift herself by pulling
them down., as she deserved. In theiI
heart of hearts they had complete, i
inarticulate, consciousness that no one
could have married the bridegroom in
question Tor any other purpose. And
lafs Van sir received a letter of re.
PnlialIols li,l his father, disowning and