Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1882-10-24
SpoopendykeAs a Farmer.

"This," said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he
gazed around on his acquisition of six
acres, this. my dear, is what have al
ways wanted. A farmer and farmers
life arethe highways to happiness. Mrs.
Spoopendyke, don't you think so"
TITS perfectly lovely" rejoined Mrs.
Spoopendyke. II was born on a farm.
and was always healthy, though 1 had
to go good ways for water"
"l'll fix that, my dear" returned Mr..
Spoopendyke. "I'll bring the water.
Now where are my agricultural reports ?
l must plant right off if we are going to
have crops, and when they're ripe We'll
take them to Market"
VI see the report says you must give
your hens chopped turnips once in q
WHILE" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, putting
her thumb on the paragraph.
EITHER that or cabbages," returned
her husband. 81 don't know whether
we'll have cabbages enough" he con-
tinued. musingly.
"You must have less buckwheat,"
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke. II would
think though, that two acres would be
enough for one hen, and if it isn't we can
buy a load now and then from the
neighbors."
"I'n think that over" replied Mr..
Spoopendyke. Here's one thing 1 don't
understand. 1t says we should test a
few seeds before planting to make sure
they will terminate, but it don't say how
to do it,u
MAY be it means to boil them," sug.
gested Mrs. 6poopendyke, "or perhaps
you"
"Oh, perhaps you think it means to
crack 'em with an axe to see if they are
hard! s'pose you've got an idea you
stick straws into 'em to see if they're
done! Well, you don't you put acid
on 'em. Til get some acid and drop 'em
in. and if it discolors 'em they're all
right. I think we ought to have some
weevil for the pig"
~ don,t know where you're going to
| plant it, said Mrs. Spoopendyke, ''un-
less it will grow with buckwheat or
onions. You can't put it in with the
fight"
a''Do you know what weevil is?" de.
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke, glazing at
his wife. "Got notion it's some kind
of weed for the pig to smoke haven't
you? Imagine it's gilt edged note paper
with monogram for him to write on,
don't you? Well, it isn't a swallowtail
coat or plug hat for him to 60 to church
in, neither! You don't plant weevil,
Mrs. Spoopendyke, any more than you
do soap, clothes pins, or stair rods. You
buy it in barrels, and I'll order some."
II think we ought to have some lace
curtains for the front windows" sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to
change the conversation.
eyes, and we want folding bedstead
for the COW, and we've got to have a
new arm chair for the pig, and I'm
afraid those cabbages won't do without
a wet nurse !" squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. II suppose I've got to hire man
to see that the meadow don't 60 fishing
on Sunday, and upset your religious no.
tions. Oh ! you're farmers wife, you
are. If I had time to write an index to
you and get some dod gasted binder to
fix you up with fly leaf, you would
make whole agricultural report!"
And Mr., Spoopendyke shot into the
house and to bed, while his wife, having
put all the oil lamps into buckets OF
water so they couldn't explode during
the night, fell asleep dreaming that the
cabbage patch had eloped with the
onions, while the COW and pig had died
of weevil, and the windmill had aban
doned agricultural pursuits and started
off through Ohio preaching the gospel.