Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-12-28
HnmOrs of the Day.

A pair Of slippers-the orange and
banana skins.
twas Detroit girl who married at
Is SO as to have her golden wedding
when it would do her some good.
When Adolpus placed his arm
around the neck of Angelina he said it
was for an neck's press purpose.
Blotting- paper was first discovered
in 1865, but it has been mighty hard
work ever since to find any when you
want It,
1tStories Of the Wore would be an
appropriate heading for the report Of
a society ball in more than one sense.
Nothing like being well up in arith
metic. A Vassar-College girl has gone
into halt-moErning it Is for a half
brother.
A Professor was lectdriDg on "After
Man What?' A listener remarked
that it was generally the sheriff, or
some woman.
A young lady attending balls and
parties should always secure female
chaperon until she is able to call some
male chap her own.
When woman wants to get rid OF
her husband for an hour she sends him
upstairs 10 get something out of her
dress pocket.
Little Lottie to her friend: ''I have
so many cares. Yesterday a little ba-
by sister arrived and papa is on a
Journey. 1t was but piece of luck
that mamma was at home to take care
of it.
The p,rt1ng was sad; the tears were
many and bitter. Hide, sun, thy kind
~ face and gather We storms blacklist,
IN scroll! Tenderly kiss the pale, wan
cheek; brush back the damp. clinging
auburn locks from the pale, high brow
which fond mothers lips have kissed
since infancy. Speak the last, sad
parting words, the words which make
us linger on their echoes. Say good
by for aye; press the cold hand and
watch his slow rctreating form which
fades away forever. He is going out
to umpire baseball game.
There, never mind" said the
dentist, sOOthingly, as he twisted the
tooth around once or twice to losen it
up, "never mind; it won't hurt. /"
NO" gasped the victim, Il know it
won't, but it does just now, and that's
what interests me-" (Of course this is
not really and exactly true, and he
never said it that way, and by the
time any dentist gets tooth twisted
clear around only once it comes out,
and man couldn't talk with pair of
forceps in his tooth, anyhow; but then,
good law, if you're going to stick right
close to serious figures and solemn
facts, when are you going to get q
chance to be kind of funnyl To be
sure-weil, never mind.
lie had never told his love; their ac-
quaintance had been brief, and when
suddenly he placed his arms around
her neck and imprinted kiss upon
her rosebud mouth, she was naturally
startled. 'Sir," she said "this is in
sufferable ~ Forgive me-" he cried,
Il was mad to act so. l heseech you
pardon me-" "NO, / can never forgive
you. You have forfeited my friend
ship. You must leave me at once and
forever II Vainly he pleaded. She
was Obdurate. So glaring an otfense
could not be condoned. Breathing low
he said he would go. His whole life
would be embittered, for he felt that
her image could meier be effdced from
his memory. 81 will CO." he sadly
murnured 'But before leave you l
have one boon to ask. | feel that |
am not unreasonable nor too utter in
desiring this one favor. [ trust you
will grant it to me. 1t is my final re-
quest" "What Is it?' she timidly in
terrogated-softly touched by his emo.
ton. "Won't you please take your
arm from around my neCk?"