The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-12-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUM0R.
! From singing school the lover comes,
| ii Is girl upon his arm,
| And stitch by her fathers fire
| And wniteth get warm.
| A foot Mt haf-past one IL heard,
| The swain doth quickly scoOt
| For fear OF getting too well warmed
by her fond parents boot.
| -[Germantown Indicator.
We are no longer happy so soon as we
wish to be happier.
The shell always has the bulge on the
oyster, and would win if some one with
a knife didn't help the oyster out.
''Alas! this fatal gift of bootyr' as the
man said whowas arrested for receiving
stolen goods.
A New York woman recently paid
$3.50 for her dogs portrait. Well, it is
probably worth great deal more than
the dog.
A Missouri girl dislocatcd her shout
der while kicking cat. Kicking cats
with the shoulders is dangerous pas
time. =.
Misery may like company" says .
colored philosopher. 'but + d rather hab
rhumatiz in one leg den ter hab it In
bofe." :.
Mr.. Timpkins has just returned from
Europe, bringing with him a fine por-
trait of himself, done, as he explains,
"by one of the old masters"'
'.We're in pickle now" said a man
in crowd. "a regular JAM" said an
other. Heaven preserve usr, moaned
an old lady.
A little boy in Georgia, who wrote
Santa Claus for pony was wise enough
to add:-.'Postcript. If he is mule,
Please ty his behine legs"
| When man gets into stocks nova
days he is very like the culprit of old
times, and suffers in corresponding
degree.
We agree with an exchange that there
is disgusting amount of crime in the
newspapers. but the man who has o
| pimple on his nose cent blame the look
ing glass for showing it.
A Mississippi murderer wanted his
execution delayed half an hour for the
weather to clear off and give the crowd
q chance to put down their umbrellas,
and the sheriff admired the idea and
| waited.
A Dakota man when asked as to what
kind of wife he had chosen, said
"Vell, you see only wanted yum to help
me mid mein work, und l vas no bartik-
ular aloud der sex-mein frau vas =
Norwegian"
A remarkable genius is Davy Glenn,
of Ballard county, Kentucky, an Swear
old boy, without education, who can do
pencil sketching worthy of an old artist,
and can copy. true to life, anything he
once sees.
A small boy of four summers was rid
ing on hobby horse with companion.
He was seated rather uncOmfOrtably on
the horse's neck. After reflective pause
he said, II think if one of us ~ ; oil
could ride better"
An English boy of ten committed sui
eide because he was not allowed to
burst frog that he had inflated with
blow pipe. Has American enterprise
finally secured foOthOld in the mother
country?
One of two children who were ANUS
ing themselves by coloring pictures sud
denly exclaimed. "Well. how stupid of
you to paint that COW blue" ''Oh, it's
blue with the cold" quickly observed
th. other. Don't you see it is winter
~" poor thing is most frozenp"
...st masher: swell, did you make
the acquaintance of that strange girl
you were raving over?' Second ditto:
Eyes; followed her home" First NJ:
'.How did she strike yOu?" Second dit
Co: "She didn't at all; she got her big
brother to do it."
A little girl once took letter from
her mother TO an old lady friend ''Many
thanks, my child" she said: "you may
tell your mother that you are \ good
child and faithful messenger" Thank
you, ma am; and shall tell her, too,
didn't ask you for ten cents, because
mamma told me not to-"
A bourgeois and his wife are inspect
ing the remains of the dinner of the
evening before-Husband: my dear,
here is an orange which is beginning TO
spoil" Wife: "Very we'll; put it aside
for the servant" Husband Slowly, af-
ter re-examing it): "Oh, it isn't as bad
as that yetr
Boston says the New York Times. is
not torn, to its centre regarding Paul
Revere and the project of statue to
him. Shall he be on horseback on afull
gallop. or shall he be standing near his
faithful steed, 'peering out in the dark
ness" for the signal light?
A lecturer who struck town in ILL
nois with "a Lecture to Men Only" is
in way to make his fortune. He had
an audience of about fifty men, and
those fifty men have since received SO
much attention from women anxious to
| find out what was said that if the lectur-
er visits that place again every man in
town will 60 to hear him.
what good does it do man like
Snorer to 60 to church. I'd like to
know?' said the deacon. "There he sits
off in the corner, and mods and mods all
through the services" "Well, replied
the parson, "where he sits the truth
reaches him in an oblique line, and it
don't seem to affect him much; but l
have hopes. Ipounded the pulpit so
hard woke him up this morning."
Sir Fletcher Norton, whose want of
courtesy was notorious, happened,
while pleading before Lord Mansfield on
some question of immortal right, to say:
.My lord, can illustrate the point in
an instant in my own person. l myself
have two little manors." 1--WE all know
it, Sir Fletcher" the Judge interposed,
with one of his blandest smiles.
On very ancient tombstone in a
burying- ground at Concord is the rep
resentation of an hour-glass, and be-
meath this inscription: my glass is run"
Some profane person has given the let
ter N in the last word an annex, and
now the gravestone presents the start
ling bacchanalian confessions: my glass
Is rum"
Young America.-First proud mother
my boy is only eleven years old, and
he comes in every day with his pockets
full of fruit. He can get over the top
Of any fence they can put up, the darl-
lngr' Second proud mother-"Pooh
for your boy! Why, my Jimmy is only
ten, and he's q corner loafer. and has
been to the Police Court twice."
Mr.. Gladstone is an able man. He
delivers brilliant speeches, reads Greek
like English, and is one of the best
scholars alive. But at the same time
he Jumps around and bowls like an illit-
crate plumber when, in kicking on
| Eo..t a. hole 20. h., too e Ia. "a oh