Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-09-01

An Oskaloosa man is reported to be "the
proud father OF his seventeenth child and
the Boston transcript comments: at
doesn't take much to make some people
proud"
The bankers convention at Saratoga de-
cided that cashiers who are Sunday-school
superintendent shall give increased securi.
tics-so they say
Three Chicago children have been arrested
and fined for stealing twenty-five pillows,
and we learn from the Boston Transcript that
these twenty-five pillows were from Sum.
mer hotel, and were found concealed in one
Of the boys vest pocket.
There are advertisers and advertisers. but
the small groceryman who launches out into
the silvery seductons of rhyme is by far the
most captivating. Lis, how he sings the
charms of Java select:
When you've been all around
And heard their palaver,
Just call on this drn, and
Iheyll give you pure Java.
Only 3Oc. per b., 81 lbs for a dollar:
lhelr goods every time are
Healthy TO swaller.
n despatch in one Of the Chicago papers
announces that a man has been wounded by
a bicycle. If any weapon of warfare has
been invented by which bicycles can be shot
at an enemy it will be q sweet boon to the
country, though the riders should be dis.
mounted and shot out of separate gun. 1t
would be an interesting sight in the hospitals
during the next month to see the doctors
probing man 10 remove bicycle.
A ilamspl WIN lived in puhunu.
Was ambitious 10 marry a iuque:
but as none came to her
She accepted pooher
Young Fellow whose name 1t was LuQue.
The bride was led up the broad aisle
Got up in the most Killing stasle:
When asked If she'd be
A true wife TO he,
She promptly replied II should smaisle"
st. Joseph (MJ.) Nses.
Boston man named Mason is introduc.
Ing the study of foreign music into Japan.
The Japanese are, evidently, an evenly tenn
pered race, or it would go hard with the
Bostonian. Chicago Cheek,
Oatmeal is really very good thing to
make the skin fine and soft, if it is used in
cold water as a wash. We always had a no.
ton that oatmeal could be put to some good
use. Heretofore it has been principally used
by cranks who keep boarding houses as q
means OF killing appetites for breakfast -
Tie Judge.
young lady from Philadelphia, who has
been visiting in Oil City, made wager that
she could milk COW the first time trying.
She took rocking chair, placed it on the
lett side of the bovine, pulled her skirts about
her and then asked where are the tubes?"
About this time the COW raised point of or
der-and the chair. The girl is attended by
the same physician who is writing prescrip-
tons for the Cranberry victims. on City
Blizzard
Why, are you alive yet, my dear old
friend :: heard you were dead" "A nice
friend you are, You didn't even come to
my funeral"
Swell (recognizing old chum selling match
es at the street corner; Hello, old fellow,
what are you up toy Iudgens Cruefully)
Well Reginald, think its more like What
I'm down to! What do you think ~
Judy.
A voluntary contribution How did you
cone to get in jail ?" asked gentleman of
negro he saw behind the bars. "Dey put me
in heah for borryin' money from a friend"
why, they can't do that its no crime to
borrow money" Eyes, boss, but yer see |
had ter knock him down wild club several
times before he would loan It to me, an deu
had to take it outen his pockets myself"
Tha. was what Hubbel would call volun-
tary contributon.-Tezas siftings
\ patent medicine firm wrote to man out
in Flint River, saying that they understood
he had used their world renowned and infal-
lible MAY Apple Balsam" with success
and asked for testimonial. Herepied that
he had used it with eminent success that he
took quart bottle Of 1t and Herewith beat
out the eye and split the nose of the agent
who took up two hours of his time trying to
- nd hat ba mil
The desired effect; the agent flying down the
long vista OF the prairie as though he never
had PAIN or ache in all his life Floating
fun,
The Concord school OF philosophy has
again adjourned without explaining the diff
ference between the "hereness of the there"
and the wherefore Of the ,husness," or
showing why the hencity of the hsnceforth.
ness is not identical with the nevertheless
ness of the heretofore. On account of the
extremely hot weather, probably The
Judge.
AT Montreal u thief went into the hall of a
hotel while the boarders were at supper and
gathered up all the hats He was making his
way out, when boarder, alittle behind time,
came in and asked him what he was about.
"Oh, says the thief, I'm taking the gentle.
mems hats around TO Leary's to get smooth.
w. Nell, ltpiieu the DOhruef, take
my hat too" Certainly, SIR" said the ac
thief, and vanished. Hotel
Nal.
As some lady visitors were going through
a penitentiary under the escort of superin-
tendent, they came to room in which three
women were sewing Dear me-" one of
the visitors whispered. what vicious-ook
ing creatures! Pray, what are they here
for :" "Because they have no other home:
this is my sitting room and they are my wife
and two daughters" bsndly answered the
Exchange.
THE GLoRIKs OF SWEET CORN
'Mong ysgytoles de tu'nip hez powful lot oh
De happiness OF hund'eds on the common 'tatah
ponds
DE carroter han'some root, but sho ez yo' er
Oars nuf,n at dis time Oh yeah ter ekil ,ugsh
Gavin
Chorus-o sweet Gavin osugah Gavin
Wat mo- KIN yo' desiah
Js' bile hit wild de shucks on
Err roast hit by de nah
De beet er red an full Oh juice-de pa,snin mat..
De reddish relishes wild bread-termattah sass dus
too; N'
De green eoweumoah II cut 20 %, in childhood G,
But susah GAVIN III make yo' fat. Hi. sollyl hits
De cabbage an de summah squash, de striug-besn