Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-02-23

III = - NALeN - ~ w Az tA'
We love thee Oscar, the great .E;Sthctc-
4 ctl-ur0y coat and q Stnnd-pp cotnT'
Thy poetry has too many feet,
But thou art utterly toO-tOO-Sweet:
L ShGrs and a CtH ~0rc-d-dOHIr!
We would not offer a hint to thee
4 cdt-dU'dV coax and u Stqnd-up cDGdr'
Put HE thee quick To the B0weroS,
And get thee pants" for dollars three:
A share and a cUt orc hdg-d-doNar!
The "bob-tail" ears must go, say the
New Workers. OF course they must go,
reply the directors, and make full time
and returns, tOO.-N"p Jersey Enter
PTiSc.
The intelligent cOmpositor left out the
letter in u paragraph about a beauti-
full actreSS, and informed the public that
crows. flOcked To see her wherever she
went.-Er.
An Ohio ma died after drinking a
glass of water. An Illinois maj would
havedicd before drinking it.-Co"ricr-
.iOUrpdj.
We want to know how to tell the
NEST stylish dress. Get ina crowd and
mark the one that al women turn
up their noses at.-SuCm Stm6cdBl.
An Ohio girl was vaccinated between
the shoulders in order to be odd, but n
fooled herself. For t~wenty-eight days
no yovng fellow could put his arms
around her.-DctrOh Free Press.
Dshwasher tiOY.l-"Mr. Brown is n
rerlact gentleman, ifthere eve wasOne.
He's 30 considerit, you know. He
alluz cleans out his plate so nice that it
never needs w;shin. 'r-BOstOn Trmp-
script.
.Pa. why do they call 'em high
Schools" 'It'S because We pay 50
much for 'em, my son. You'll under
stand these things better when YOU get
TO be a Taxpayer. "-L0YisriUe Courier
Journal.
An exchange prints an able article
on "Hints on How to Go to Sleep 1t
is the most convincing article we ever
read upon the subject. We were fast
asleep before we had got half through
it.-BOStOR Transcript.
This pOetical license, talked about, Is
paid, Notwithstanding the gsn-
eral sentiment is that no person should
bc allowed to make poetry without
first paying license to the cty anu
Stately D. PicdyURc,
81 suppose you get up early to get a
set u good example to the rising
ye~neration".' go, no; not at all! The
rising generation doesn't need any
example. H'sthe generationthat doesn't
rise that I want to influence u
Gazette.
Fritz has been hunting up the
pedigree of DIR. Tanner, the celebrated
hungry man, and finds he is of very
ancient lineage. The fOrty-third verse
of chapter nine, Acts of the Apostles,
reads: "And il come to pass that he
tarried many days with n simon A.
Tanner.
Pure surgeons in England call them
selves plain "Mr." You would insult
one if YOU were to call him doctor, N
YOU would still further insult him If
YOU were to ask him TO name his fee.
He expects you to fork over half your
income and call it square.-NcW YORK
Commercial IdrcrtiSCT.
VERY kind drug clerk to little girl
"Now, be sure you tell your papa 10
take this medicine according 10 the
direction on the bottle; an overdose
might affect his BRAIN" Little girl
"Oh, / guess there's no danger of that
for I've heard mamma tell him lots OF
times that he never had any brains.'-
lOpkeTS Gazette.
az tell you," said the canvasSer, "you
have no idea ofthe hard work there Is
in this business. IL Is either talking or
walking from morning till night" beg
PARDON" replied the victim: II have 4
pretty distinct idea of the talking part
Of our programme. Now please favor
me with an exhibition of the walking
part" The canyasser exhibited.-BoS-
tom Transcript.
at is the first time you ever repulsed
me, Edith, and it shall be the last"
said young DeCourcey, as he rose
haughtily and moved toward the door.
"Stayw cried she piteously, as If her
heart would break, tive must not part
i'm angry" swell" he rejoined
penitently, "what shall / do?" "Oh,
! Gus, don't blame me-" she explained,
with a preeeptible shriver; my neck is
very sensitive. / stood il as long as L
could. Go and warm your nose
Brooklyn Eage. -.
and succeeding numbers, be largely occu-
pied with the Jewish question. In March,
James Bryce, NJ. p, the historian, writes
about Ceaconsield, and incidentally about
the Jews in general. In April, Mis- Lazarus
will answer the question, WAS Lord Bea-
consield a Representative Jew?' In the
same number, Madame Ragozin will de-
scribe the present situation in Russia, from
q Russian point of view. A reply to
Madame RaSOzin, by 4 SeHish writer, will
appear in the May number, and other pa
pers will appear in which the relations
between thc lsTaelites and Christians in
America will be discussed.