The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-03-21
FLEA BITES.

~
| CONE LET Us ALL SCRATCH.
A bachelor, upon reading that 1.-TWO
lovers will sit up all night with one
chair in the ROOM" said that it could not
be done unless one of them sat ON the
| hoor.-Ex.
Snch terrible ignorance is painful and
can hardly he believed in these days Of
wide rocking chairs.
Some women are like shotguns.-Ex.
They would attract no attention only
for their bangs.
We have heard young lady scream
when her little brother threw his arms
around her neck, and say, at tickled her
almost to death."-Susan b. Anthony.
But we never heard her scream when q
big brother threw his arms around her
neck, unless it was when he removed them,
and this is one of the 'miss-tickle" things
of life.
Two bad boys recently shocked their
good mother by a simple device. When
they got her religious paper out of the
mail they slipped it from the wrapper and
substituted a copy of the Police Gazette
When the mother first opened it, without
her specs, she thought ii was Christmas
number.-Ex.
No doubt there was enough stockings
displayed to carry out the idea.
Two women were seen in Indiana last
week tied to the tongue of wagon, which
they were pulling to market -Ex.
Being women, they did not long remain
"tongue-tied."
A Chicago man has woman's tooth
grated into his jaw, and now every time
he passes millinery store that tooth fairly
aches to drag him up to the window.
A man employed as porter in Texas
hotel lifted a piano, not long ago, and
carried it up one flight -Ex.
The porter evidently thought he had
hold of Chicago drummer's trunk.
Bronson Alcott says "the blonde type
is nearest to the divine likeness"
The BAzoo, being a moral and religious
publication, will at once order font.
Artist Ito porter)-"You carried my
picture to the academy and handed it over
to the committee?" Porter-"Yes, and it
pleased 'em nightly. 1t would have
done you good to see 'em laugh"
The good die young,
The b ad live to 60 to congress and lie
about each other on the floor of the house.
A successful debater-The hornet al
ways carries his point.
The strength of the farmer is often
times concentrated i'm his butter.
In analyzing green tea, the author
titles of Berlin found that some of it was
adulterated with flowers OF hay, cocoa, po-
tato and corn.-Ex.
After this when one of our fashionable
ladies issue invitations for 'tea" We will
know that she means "victuals"
Mrs. Gould Johnson wishes to inform
her patrons that she has changed her dim
ner hour on Saturdays to 1870. Hereafter
dinner will he served at half-past eleven
o'clock on Saturdays.-SOuth Bend (Ind.)
Tribune.
Now Mrs Johnson's boarders must stop
everything and go to to dinner at half-past
eleven, Saturday, so that she and her
daughter and the hired girl can get the
dishes washed up and go to the matinee
and show the finest tosgery of any board
Ing house boss in South Bend. Go it, old
like style.
A Young man at Warrensburg writes
thusly to the BAzOO: "What is the best
kind of dog for me to buy?"
4 dead one, old sport, and have it bur-
led the same day you buy it.
One Of our Boston preachers said, Sum
day afternoon, The little good any of US
can do must be done with our hearts
against the hearts of our fellow.
men."-Boston Transcript.
And every young lady in church looked
at every other young lady and smiled a
sweet smile of triumph. while the old bald
headed deacon in the amen corner moved
uneas,ly in his seat and blew his nose,
making noise like unto an old-fashioned
fog horn.
Girls should be careful how they are
vaccinated with virus taken from lovers
arm.-Exchangs.
One at Jefferson City has taken TO swear
ing, talking politics, sitting cross-legged
and smoking q briar root pipe.
Once Q black bonnet meant subdued
Now it means nothing at all,
and black bonnet embroidered with Jet
and trimmed with feathers is preferred to
any other by brides whose purses are slen-
del: and is worn everywhere except to places
at which full dress is necessary.-Ex.
There is grass widow in Sedalia who
wears a red hood every day and looks like