St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-02-10
SqIIibS.

~ DOSbOll lllstll says HIS
coat is ''tOO utterly otter"
There are no pumps where the CO.
cOanut grows, which, perhaps, accounts
for the milk in it.
A baby in Ohio that was fed on ele-
plants milk gained twenty pounds in
one week. 1t was the baby elephant.
The facetious postage stamp clerk
who told man that asked for two
twos that this was not an aesthetic post
office is now looking for new situa-
ton.
On Saturday Pittsburg man, arriv-
ing in Newark, ordered cabman to
drive tothe Newark Steel Works, and
cabby innOcently took him to the city
hall.
A little boy called out to his father,
who had mounted his horse for jour
ney: "Good-bye, papa. | love you
thirty miles long" A little sister
quickly added: "GoOd-bye, dear papa.
You will never ride to the end of my
love"
A lady who had been travelling in
Italy was asked by friend how she
liked Venice. "Oh very much in
deed" was the reply. 81 was unfor-
tunate enough, however, to arrive
there Just at the time of Il heavy flood,
and we had to go about the streets in
boats"
1t may he right occasionally to take
bull by the horns, but it is always
well to keep in mind that the horns
belong to the bull.
Don't believe the story that Minister
Hamlin, having somehow strayed to
bull-fght at Madrid, and, after
watching the proceedings for while
said "ThOse fellows don't know how
to handle Il bull. Why, any farmers
boy down round Bangor would know
enough to put II ring in the critters
nose and hitch a stick to it. Then they
could lead the beast around as handy
as could be-"
Here we have Greenbacker. He
seems Troubled about Something. He
is Troubled about the National Debt.
He is Grieving because the Country of
his Nativity owes one Billion Dollars.
The other Man around the Corner is
Grocery Man. He, too, is Troubled,
but he is not Worrying about the Ma
tiOnal Debt. Oh no. He is Worry
ing about the one Dollar and Forty
cents the Greenbacker owes him.
Daughter (homc from schooD: "Now
papa, are you satisfied just look at
my testimonials political economy,
satisfactory; fine arts and music, very
good logic, excellent -" Father:
every much so, my dear; especially
as regards your future. If your hus-
band should understand anything of
| al.
the use of the sewing machine, per
haps your married life will, indeed, he
happy"
GLOW is it, Mr. Brown" said mil
Ter to a farmer, ''that when | came to
measure those ten barrels of apples |
bought from You found them nearly
two barrels short ?' "'Singular. very
| singular; for sent them to you in
| ten of your own -four barrels" "Ahem
Did, ell p said the miller. "Well, per
haps | made mistake. Let's imbibe."
! The New York authorities are very
careful of their police force. They
never put two officers on the same beat,
because it is said to be unhealthy for
two persons to sleep together.
Yes, Algernon, Heaven, indeed, TEN
pers the wind to the shOrn lamb. But
| then yOu must remember the lamb was
forcibly shorn, against his will; he
didn't 90 and deliberately pawn his
ulster for 1866, when he knew perfect
ly well July wasn't going to last all
! Winter.
Practical young belle to utterly ut
ter young man "Algernon." "What
is it, my pensive lily ?' ''You ought to
study up the theory of ensiIagc, Alger-
non" "And what is cnsilage, my Ian
guild one ~ "Oh, it shows how to keep
green things green till the winters
gone, Algernon, and don't yOu want to
live till spring, Algy ?" The cold
wintry air, from the hastily raised win
dow, blew across the sun fiOwered da-
do, and AlgernOn revived sufficiently
to be taken home in Herdic. But
two young hearts on the Back bay will
nevermOre beat in unison Boston
Herald.
L