The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1882-11-23
FUNNY FANCIES.
A lady's train has to take the b

Whether you spell it bell or belle, tn
thing is not a natural production; it
merely composition.
Many a man is like digit. His import
ance is increased simply because othis assc
citation with ciphers.
The speculative sharps of New York
organized rubber ring. The flats will Gu
their eyeteeth on it.
New York said to the republican candi
date on Tuesday: "Folger your tents lik
the Arabs. and as silently steal away"
Causation: "What time you've beef
about that egg, Marym "Yes, ma'am; blu
the new kitchen clock has such large min
utes"
Disenchantment: Dancing man-"Splen
did women!" Cynical friend DENTIST
"Ah! but most of their smiles are mine
y'know."
The female newspaper correspondents q
Washington have organized press club
The press is mighty, but it must be a rathel
tame performance where the pressers are
all women.
| A Milwaukee woman has kept q kettle o.
boiling water on the stove for the past
twenty-five years in order to scald burglars
and is beginning to get mad that the bur.
| glars don't come.
Herbert Spencer says the coming Ameri-
can will be more powerful man than has
| heretofore existed. II such is the case, the
coming editor will have to brace up and
take boxing lessons.
The New Haven Register knows of one
dramatic paper which it believes to be sin
cere and honest. Please don't mention the
name. We don't want to see you laughed
into a lunatic asylum.
- Al,
thinking about, Ida?" Ppm always think
ing about nothing, auntie. | never think
about anything unless ] happen to think
OF something to think about"
at says the Psychological Journal,
"whistling will drive away the blues, why
shouldn't woman whistler" Let her
whistle, if she wants to, but she will drive
away the man as well as the blues.
The japanese girls have begun to write
essays on "Womans Sphere" Just as our
girls here at home used to do, and it will
probably take them just about as long to
find they are out Of their sphere in doing so.
81 think that speech ought to be arrest
ed, )" said Aminadab as X. was saving the
air with political harangue. why sop
inquired Deacon Gllpin. ION the charge of
being vague rant, was the boys timely
answer.
1t is now announced that the cost of con-
verting heather has been reduced to about
$25 per head. And when you come 10
know the heather, you'll conclude that the
sum named is heap more than they're
worth.
The editor of a religious paper was COM
planning that people would not read his ed
itorials, when a sly old brother remarked:
81 can write an article for your paper and |
warrant you that nearly every man and
every woman who sees the paper will read
itn' "On what subject will you write it?''
at makes no difference. Let it be q SER
mon on any text you may dictate" DO
you mean to say that your sermon will
possess unusual interest?' mo, it will be
particularly women, read it?' Because
will head it "A Scandal in High Life"
The following is an address to the barber:
81 want close shave. | am in a hurry.
Do not put any oil or grease upon my hair.
| never use bay rum or cosmetics. Please
comb my hair up ana back. 1 do not wish
my hair trimmed or cut. j do dot want
any hair tonic or skin medicine. do not
want any shampoo or bath. / have not
heard the latest news from Egypt, nor do
want TO. j care nothing for politics or
crime or society. do not care for stock or
market reports. ] am not stranger in the
CITY anu ah hot BOlnb W Nho Ddll lhls
evening. | am professor in deaf aud
dumb institute, and | am glad oft. Go
ahead and shave me-"
GLOW old was the cat?n asked the attor-
ney. ~ don't know" was the answer.
How old do you think she was2" at was
q tom cat" 81 didn't ask about the sex
of the cat; asked how old it was" you
asked how old she was" "Well, how old
was that cat? III told you l didn't know
"Well, how old do you Think" lob, /
can't tell" "Gou can tell how old you
answer TO a plain question. How old do
You think that cat wasp The witness
looked straight at the attorney, whose
shining bald head was the most prominent
feature Of his figure, and calmly said/
"Oh 1 can't guess how old the cat vas
he was old enough to be baldheadeS