davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
Tho Model Wife,


The best natured woman IN the United
States lives In Austin. She has been mar
ried number Of years to q man named
Furgeson, but she and her husband have
never had a quarrel yet, and he has fire.
quently boosted that It Is utterly imposei'
Bile to make her angry. Furgeson made
several desperate attempts to see II BIO could
not exasperate her to look cross or scowl ct
him, merely to crafty his curioslty, but
the more outrageOusly he acted, the more
affable and loving she behaved.
Last week he was talking to friend
about what time he had trying to find
out if his wife had temper. The friend
offered to bet $50 that If Furgeson were to
90 home drunk, raise row and pull the
table cloth full of dishes Oft the table she
would show some signs Of annoyance
Furgeson said he didn't want to rob his
friend OF his money, for he knew he would
win but they at last made the bet OF $50,
the friend to hide in the front yard and
watch the proceedings of the convention
through the window.
Furgeson came home late, and appa
rently fighting drunk. She met HIM al
the gate, kissed him and assisted his tot
tering steps to the house. He sat down
hard in the middle of the floor, and howled
out:
"Confound your ugly picture, what did
you mean by pulling that chair from un
der meg"
ooh, | hope you didn't hurt yourself
1t was my swkwardness, but III try not &c
do it again" aud she helped hun to his
feet, although she had nothing 10 do with
his falling. .
He then sat down on the sofa, and slid
ing off on the aoor, abused her like pick
pocket for lifting up the other end OF the
sofa, all of which she took good naturedly
and finally she led him to the supper t.
BILE. He threw plaie al her, but she acteC
as if she had not noticed 1t, and asked him
If he would take tee or coffee. Then thu
brute seized the table cloth and sat dowI
on the floor, pulling the dishes and ev
erything else over with him IN one Crane
crash.
What did this noble woman do? DE-
you suppose she grumbled and talked
about going home to her ma, or that sh'
sat down and cried like fool, or that sht
sulked and pouted? Not a bit of it. Will
pleasant smile, she said:
"Why, George, this Is new iuea, AIN
1t? We have been married ten years, an(
haven't ever ate our supper on the floor
Won't it be fun--just like those plcnic'
we used to 60 to before we got married p
And this angelic woman deliberately sa
down alongside of the wretch, arranged
the dishes, and fixed him up nice sup
per.
This broke George all I'D. He owne(
up he was only toollng her, ana offered tt
give her the $50 to get a new hat, but sh'
took the money and bought him new
suit of clothes and box of cigars.-Oah
| laRd (Cdl) Indep6ndent.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
4 Good Chance.

have a Hrst-class Wheat Farm, ~ miles from Camp
bell MIMI 800 acres. fall powed and ready for seed
ing in the spring-good house and stabling on the
located the banks of beautiful little lake
of bright, clear water, besides wells ard other I'M
which want TO rent TO some good lHns1
on terms which cannot fail To be profitable 10 him.
will be In Ottawu all winter and be found by en-
Quirng at this office. Any one desiring TO test the
roductvcuess of the soil of the Red River Valley VIII
niont toct25) MOSES OSMAN.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11

Some eight or ten years ago silver
tongued chap who claimed to be trdit
Tree agent swlnd!eu the farmers OF This
county IN shameful manner, and one resi-
dent of Nankin was SO mad about it that
he came to Detroit, searched the rascal out
and gave him pounding on the street.
After he got through his work he told the
fellow he would lick hun twice as bad IL
he ever put eyes on him again, and 1t was
threat to be remembered and nursed.
About three weeks ago the Nankin man
was travelling III Washtenaw county, and
as he journeyed along the highways he
met traveller who SO closely reeembled
the fruit tree swindler that he halted and
called out:
Here you are again, you bold-taced ras-
cali"
Eyes, Pm here" was the calm reply.
"Well, SIN |, and Pm gong to lick you
until you can't hollo! said I'd do 1t,
and | always keep my word. Climb down
here"
The stranger "clumb" without protest,
shedding his coat as he struck the ground,
and a fight began. In about two minutes
he had used up the farmer and was coolly
replacing his coat
DcC ucIc, tuC uloA iiouA 4>hhhih,
as he wiped his nose with burdock, "you
fight better than you did eight years ago"
swell, l dunno. This Is my first affair
with you"
"Didn' l wallop you in front of the De-
troit post Office eight years ago"
mo, Sir! l was in Australia up to a
year ago"
And you never saw me before?'
"Nevern'
"And was never in Nankin!"
"Never"
"Wcll III be hanged Come to look at
you, l can STE that yor are not .he man
Why on earth DIDN'T you explain, or ask
me to? You must have thought me mis-
taken"
ooh, yes, knew you were mistaken, but
| had just discovered that l had driven
seven miles on the wrong road and was
wishing some one would come along and
give me two words Of sass. didn't want
any explanation about 1t. A rotten sweet
apple will cure that black eye in three or
four days, and salt and water will tighten
your front teeth in week or two | feel
fifty per cent. better, and I'm ever so much
obliged. So long to you!"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
Responsiveness of u Dcpravcd Per-
sOnaI Magnetism.

St Louis Republican.
Speaking of mind-readng and magnetism,
few days ago gentleman recently returned
from European trip related an occurrence
wherein there surely seems to be something
more than mere whimsicality or caprice A
lady well known in Boston is given as author
ity for the story, the incident having happened
to herself. She, some time after the murder
of Jennie Cramer in New Haven, was stopping
at a Boston MOTEL, and being among the recent
arrivals was placed at a table devoted to those
guests Of the hostelry She was seated at a
table directly opposite quite a fine-looking
man, who seemed perfectly gentlemanly and
polite. Upon sitting down at the table the
first day she found she could not eat anything,
and her appetite always failed her whenever
she sat down to table with this man opposite
her. For several days in succession when
sitting at the table she felt sick, weak, and
oppressed with fear, and was at loss to ex-
plain the singular coincidence. After think
ing the matter over for some time she found
that she always ate heartily on the few occa-
sions that the polite gentleman did not sit at
desiring another table, and explaining conf.
den'is'ly tho ro.sons for which she asked tho
change In accordance with her request she
was placed at another table, and ever after
ward ate very heartily and with none of the
sense Of oppressiyeness which formerly came
over her at the other table. She went away
for some time, and came back to the same ho-
tel The waiter recognized her and mentioned
the facts connected with the change of eating
places. She had almost forgotten the affair,
and wondered why the waiter called the mat
ter up again. He asked her if she knew tho
gentleman who had exercised over her such a
peculiar influence She stated that she had
not the faintest idea Of the mans character,
knowing only that she instinctively shrank
from him. The waiter then informed her
that her companion at the table was mono
other than tho celebrated Walter Malley, who
with his brother, was accused of tho murder
of jennie Cramer.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
some Simple Recipes.
OATMEAL MUSH HOLLIS.

OATMEAL MUsH ROLLS
Take cold oatmeal mush, and work lightly
into it enough Graham flour to mould it into
rolls. Do not overwork it, as too much
kneading spells the effect. Roll out the dough
with the hands on the moukling board into a
long roll, about an inch and half in diameter
cut off pieces three inches long, and bake on
the CRATE of quick oven half an hour. Serve
warm or cold.
oMELEIrE WITH BREAD CRUMBS
Use eight eggs and one teacupful OF bread
crumbs soaked in milk Beat the eggs i'll the
same way as for plain omeIette Put the
bread crumbs in bowl and pour all the milk
on them they will take up; stir them into the
yolks with q little salt Then add tho whites
and proceed as for plain omootte.
SCRAMBLED EGGS.
Take one pint of boiling water and eight
eggs. Have the milk boiling hot and the eggs
well beaten; stir them in the hot milk and
keep stirring to prevent burning until they are
cooked Have ready some Graham or white
bread toast, cut in uniform pieces; place q
heaping tablespoonful of the eggs on each
piece and serve on platter If toast is moi
wanted serve the eggs in vegetable dish.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
oMELEIrE WITH BREAD CRUMBS.
Combination styles for Children

Cottage Heartn
For elder girls combination dresses are to
be made The bright-hued colors Of the past
season are no longer seen; on the contrary for
children, olive greens, dark invisible blues,
deep browns, and the darkest shades of duh
reds are the prevailing colors, Combinations,
and not contrasts are to be the fashion. Tho
ONLY bright colors 20 be used will b. in the
fOfm u4 trimmings fOr hats lIa bJHLets. On
the score of economy the combination style
Of dress offers decided advantages, obviating
oil extra expense for trimming, and moreover
making it possible to readjust the materials
for another seasons wear. For smaller chill
dren. the princess dress will again be in favor,
not, however, with the earlier sensible simple
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
Ancient "Sumptuary- Laws.

Mfs. +. .. WHIIHfus III NOFlaso riVHTIII
During the Spartan government as con-
Quoted by Lycurgus, public meals were or
gained, tina. the magniicence and oxtraya-
gance Of an expensive cuisine might be sup
pressed There was no limit to the intricate
aud elaborate culinary preparations for feasts.
He ordered that all ciszens should sit at the
same common table, against which the wealthy
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
Tie Hawk and the Hen.

A fish-hawk who had way OF throwing
three cards about IL dexterous manner
one day met q hen and invited her to bel
on his game.
"But don't understand it."
"Why, all there is about it, toss these
three cards so, and so, and you bet that you
can pick up the ace of spades, for exam
pie"
II don't want to take your money" pro
tested the hen.
ooh, as to that, you are quite welcome
"Well, here's an Y that ! pick up the
ace"
The hawk smiled as he thought how
easy 1t was to throw snuff IN hens eyes
but, 10 biddy picked up the card she had
named and raked in the sugar.
an be hanged If / am not completely
discouraged trying to make an honest
living" cried the hawk, as he flung down
the cards in disgust; and he thereupon
not only turned robber, but ate the hen &c
boot
Never discourage industry and integrity
by taking money from a Three-Card
Monte man or a Faro Bank.-Detr0h Fret
Press.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
How soup should he Eaten.

NIhTI Dc NtIV.
Soup should he served with large spoons,
and never Wit, dessert spoons, and there is
good reason foI tiiis etiquette Of spoons Soup
is nothing n rot hot ana, as it is the custom
70 give but a .sty small helping of soup
about half ladleful to each person-itis eaten
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11

Ny husband had drunken habits he could
not overcome until Parker's Ginger Tccic
took away his thirst for stlmulants, restored
his energy of mind and nerves, and gave him
strength TO attend 10 business.-Ciacinndii
Ldiy.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-11-11
MORAL.

Il detest slang phrases" said an old
lady to the pastor, especially when used
by women. Why, the other day heard
a girl say that she had flirted with fellow
and made mash She thought that
didn't know what she meant, but
tumbled' to it all the sane''-NeU YOrl
Commercial
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-04-28
/ Man Who Saw n Mule Die.

''Ain't it Il curious thing that nobody
ever sees mule die gn remarked an
old teamster in Gumber n Webber's
saloon. "No man living ever saw
mule die, | s'pose p
Thus remarked Mr.. Daniels, light
ing fresh cigar: ''ln 1850 | was
mining on the south fork of the Yuba,
and it came my turn to cook for my
gang. We took turns each week, you
know. Well, | was going to show how
economically could run the commits
sary. | went and bought IL peek of
gether in lump, but got 'em jam
med into the pot, poured i'll some
water and started the fire. Presently
il few of 'em began to rise up to the
top of the pot, so | skinned 'em Off
and put 'em i'll II pan. Pretty soon
some more bulged up, and skinned
them off and put 'em in the pan. The
first thing | knew after had skinned
that blasted pot awhile | had to get
another pan, and then another, and by
the time I'd got four pans heaped up
full, dag my skin if there wasn't more
apples i'll the pans than there was in
the pot. That is, thought so at the
time. | kept getting more pans and
buckets and lard cans, and all the
while plumb frightened to death for
fear the boys would come in and see
how eXtravagant | was, for | had been
blowing on how cheap could run the
mess. The blasted apples still kept
comm ont of the pot. | put some pa
pers out on the floor and covered 'em
with fruit. And by Jove the place
looked like Santa Clara fruit-drying
establishment, and the pot was still
bilin' full"
"What has that to do with mule
dyin'?n
"Wait Il minute, Pm coming to the
mule. Finally | got desperate, and
dumped over twelve bushels of the ap-
Piles back of the cabin behind tree.
In about an hour | heard devil of IA
noise and ran out. What do you sup
pose | found Why, 800 mule
kicking i'll the agOnies of death. The
apples was gone; the mule nearly so.
He was swelled up like IA balloon, and
the first thing | knew he busted.
Pledge my word, gentlemen, he eX-
plOded like Il giant-powder blast, and
brought the whole camp to the place.
| kept still they could not find the
mule; and it cost 'em so to adver-
tise reward i'll the Sacramento Union.
About two weeks afterwards they
caught Il couple of greasers hangin'
round, and they put it up that they
stole the mule, so they hung 'em. |
was there, but did not say word for
fear the boys would find out how eX-
travagant | had run the cOmmissary."
- Virginia (Nev.) Chronicle.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-04-28
Dangers of Plumbing.

DIR. Frank II. Hamilton lectured be-
fore the New York academy of medi-
cine, the other day evening, on "The
Struggle for Life Against Civilization, ="
an OminOus title, suggesting that
some of the modern improvements do
not improve our chances of life. He
made the cheerful statement, in CON
travention of Mr.. Wingate, the eX-
pert, that plumbing could not be made
safe by any means. Not only is water
no protection against sewer gases, but
no metal of which the pipes may be
composed is permanently impervious
to the gases, and most of them are not
so at all, and that though the fact of
leak may be discovered by the use, for
instance, of oil of peppermint, the
place of the leak cannot he found. He
conld suggest nothing that would
be of any value except the proper use
of chemicals renewed daily. He cited
DR.. Fordyce Barker as saying that
were he building, he would not have
the pipes of the house connected with
the sewer, and for himself commended
the isolation of all piping entirely out
side the house. To this conclusion the
most iudicious physicians and santa
rians are surely coming. The appre
citation of the evils of sewer pipes open
ing into sleeping is already
pretty general; some of the best
houses are now built without any
plumbing in these rooms, and some
hotels are returning to the safe usage
of ewers and basins fOr the ablutions
of their guests.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-04-28
In the Fields of lee.

DIR. ii. G. Ledyard, an American now
in Siberia, writes to Il friend In San
Francisco hat he has met Lieut.. Danen-
hover, at lrkutsk, and he gave him in
teresting details of the loss of the
Jeanette. Since the first fall they
were out, when they were caught in
the ice in trying to reach Herald island,
says the letter, they had never taken IL
course, but the vessel was held as in
the jaws of death, squeezed until every
timber strained, turned this way and
that, thrown floating and then caught
again. They were every hour in sus-
pense, never knowing when the ice
would close upon them Il little more
and the deck sink beneath them
Throughout this strain they were all
well and tried to be cheerful, working
very hard, for the engine and the
men were barely able to keep the water
out. They had to pump for year and
half. On June II, 1881, the crisis
came. The shin showed greater strain
ing than before, the deck quivered, and
ineXplicable movements warned them
to hasten from the vessel. They pre-
pared their boats and made their camp
beside the Jeanette. She rose and
turned in her cradle until the yards
touched the ice. Then the rigging
gave way, and her masts lay PROSTATE.
At o'clock in the morning the foe
parted, and all went down. A cry OF
alarm called all to escape from the
crevice in the ice. 1t opened just
through the captains tent. Then be
gan the retreat. For % days they
struggled southwark, 300 miles of bro
ken ice being thus passed over. Four
miles day was thought to be good
fortune. After one series of ii days
they were % miles further north than
at first. While working over the ice
and dragging their boats, they discov-
cred Bennett island, to explore which
they spent three weeks of their pre-
cious summer days and expended much
of their limited supply of food. To
this detOur those who survive attribute
much of their suffering and the death
of their commander with 10 men. At
ter three months of this perilous and
exhausting work they came to blue
water and then with fair winds took
their course for the mouth of the Lena
river. Chief Engineer Melville's boat
was stove against block of ice and
the captains boat lost her mast and
sail. The captain landed with all well,
but abandoned the boat, as the water
was shallow, and could not make the
channel of the river.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-04-28

granger strOlled out to the trap with
shotgun and killed the suspected cur.
But he let the trap remain and repeat
ed his strolls until he had shot 40 dogs,
and there is not now bark to be
heard in all the town.
Anthony COmstock lectured at New
Haven on corrupt reading for young
folks. He condemned the maudlin
love stories that turn healthy boys in
to vapid day dreamers and the details
of vice and crimes in many daily pa
pers, making would be deperadOes of
lads of dozen years. 81 indict you"
he said, "mOthers and fathers of Con-
necticut for letting these papers enter
your homes with their sickening stories
of lust and crime" While the father
reads money and business, the children
read of Outlawed heroes. their fast
horses and marvellous deeds. The
speaker gave statistics of the crimes
committed in New York city by boys
and girls, and declared his belief that
most of the ''innocents" had been ruin
ed by tales of adventure. Happily the
transmission of obscene literature is
nearly suppressed, the speaker stating
that he alone had destroyed ~ tons of
such reading.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-04-28
A Savage Still.

There is Il capital story in Fraser's
Magazine illustrative of the almost ir-
resistible tendency of the civilized saw
age to revert to the customs of his an
cestOrs. The Basuto chief, Rantzanti,
a nephew of Mosheth, had been CON
verted to civilization, education,
breeches, coats and collars. He was
professed Christian, and dressed as
Katfr or London dandy accustomed to
good society might be expected to
dress. This had been his mode of
life for years. But one day an event
happened. He was discoursing fluent
ly and elOquently to a meeting on the
importance and happiness of peace,
and of a regular life of labor, and of
school and church attendance. He
was fashionably dressed and as he
spoke his paper collar irritated his
neck. He tried to put it right, but the
buttOn-hOle broke. Then suddenly
the long repressed savage broke forth.
Tearing off the collar, he changed al
together the current of his speech. 81
am tired of this imposture. A some
thing arises within me it springs up
on me now; it tells me | am talking
nonsense. Away with this spurious
civilization ~ He tore off the coat,
vest ard breeches until he stood forth
the totally unadOrned savage. Then
he set fire to the school in which he
had been lecturing, and departed; and
has since lived his old life. If Rant
zani's collar had been but little strOn
ger, he might at this moment be Il
model of civilized respectability.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-04-28
SquibS.

A fashion writer says: "ShOrt ski ITS
are de rigueur for dancing" By this
"A girl will know how to rigueurself for
"A ball New Orleans Picayune.
Exasperating: "You will go down
in history" said the inpatient Sniff
kins, "the slowest of all mortals."
Said Mrs. Sniffkins, gently: 81 thought
history was i'll the past Rome Sen
tinel.
"Gentlemen of the jury" said a De
troit lawyer, ''there were just 30 hogs
in the drove just three times as many
as are in that jury box, gentlemen"
And he lost the case because of his
love of mathematical clearness.
Father" said an inquisitive boy,
"what is meant by close relations 9'
"ClOse relations, my son." replied the
father, "are relations who never give
you cent" The boy said the old
man, then, was the closest" relation
he'd got.
"Goods at half price" said the sign.
GLOW much is that teapot ?" asked an
old lady. ''Fifty cents, num-" was
she said, throwing down "A quarter.
1 ne SlRu WIS lthtU III.
They had been engaged to he mar
ried fifteen years, and still he had not
mustered up resolution enough to ask
her to name the happy day. One
evening he called in particular frame
of mind, and asked her to sing some
thing tender and touching, something
that would ''move" him. She sat
down at the piano and sang, Darling,
| am growing old"
Little Tommy, to escape well-de-
served whipping, ran from his mother
and crept under the house. Presently
the father came home, and hearing
where the boy had taken refuge, crcpt
under to bring him out. As he ap-
preached on his hands and knees,
Tommy asked: as she after you, too P'
- Baptist Weekly.
An editor in Chicago recently order
ed pair of trOwsers from the tailor.
They proved to be several inches too
long. 1t being late on Saturday night,
the tailOr's shop was closed, and the
editor took the trOwsers to his wife,
and asked her to cut them off and hem
them over. The good lady brusquely
refused. The same result followed an
application to the wife's sister and the
eldest daughter. But before bed time
the wife, relenting, took the pants,
and cutting OFF six inches from the legs
hemmed them up nicely and restored
them to the closet. Half an hour later
the daughter, taken with cOmpunction
for her unfilial conduct, took the trow-
sers and cutting off six inches hemmcd
and replaced them. Finally, the sis
ter-in-law felt the pangs of conscience,
and she, too, performed a surgical OPP
Grafton on the garment. When the
editor appeared at breakfast Oh Sun
day, the family thought Highland
chicftain had arrived.