The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-11-22
The religious Editor ON Base Ball.

A few days ago the local depart
ment was terribly rushed, and it was
found necessary to assign the relig
ious editor to base ball match. He
watched the game through patiently,
and the next morning submitted the
following report:
"A very refreshing season of base
ball was experienced In the Capito-
liam Vineyard yesterday afternoon,
atfording exceeding JUNCTION to a
congregation OF fully two thousand
souls. Brother Murphy, of the
Brooklyn class, first welded the rod,
even as did Moses at the rock of wa
tiers, and smiting the ball with pro-
dlglous force was richly blessed with
two bases. 1t then became the bless
ed privilege Of Brother Fitzgerald to
stand forth. Divine Providence in
terfeared with a ioul tip, and the
brother harvested naught. During
the season Brother Murphy had ex
perienced a change Dt base garnerd
unto himself the third thereof, where
at there was great rejoicing, mingled
with lamentIng and rendIng OF gar
ments among the disciples OF the
conflicting tribes. AT this critical
point i'll the salvation OF the Class
Brother Maloney came among them
as a physician of souls, but the
sheaves of great rejoicing were not
for him. Like Jacob he wrestled,
and like Nathan ne fell for his ad-
versaries were plenteous and their
wisdom that of the serpent, foras
much when he smote the ball so
that it scared, they that were as
Philistians unto him did congregate
around aud about that the ball
might not escape them. and did hold
forth each man his hands, until their
fingers III number were like unto the
lilies of the valley, and they seized
the ball and bore it hence in tri-
umph."
Look here" howled the mana
ging editor, when he had reached
this point, what has ali this got to do
with it?"
Anything the matter?" inquired
the religious editor.
This is no way to write NY base
ball match" protested the managing
editor.
"Why not?" Indignantly demand
ed the religious editor. Whats the
matter with my way of doing it up"
But man alivel" exclaimed his
superior, this reads like sermon
Very we'll, any objection to SER
mons ?" asked the religious editor
tartly. IF you don't like my style
OF business you had better send
some secular cuss to the next ball
game"
Listen to this. mani ~ said the
manager, reading from the account
In this, the eleventh hour, BROTH
er Gilhooly essayed through effect
ual shifting TO turn back the host
that beset his brethren, and save
unto Brother Murphy the rich har-
vest OF his frequent exertion by wei
coming him to tie haven of the |
home plate. But his enemies pre-
vailed against him, So that when the !
ball had been driven from him by II
cast of the bat they threw it
with q marvellous directness unto
one of their number, yea even unto
him who was upon the first of the
bases, and hesmote Brother Gilhoolv
hip and thigh, so that he fell, and
the high priest cried cloud in great
voice, saying "All out ="
That's all consistent with the
facts" said the religious editor as
the MI naging editor looked up. IF
there's anything there that amt so
I'll buy you a hatw
That's all right?" proclaimed the
editor, but the style! See
the style 1t sounds like the BIZ
bic y
''Then its the bible you object to-
retorted the religious editor. 1T
isn't the game, it's the Bible!'
"How many, people who admire
base bali are going to understand
your account of yesterday" de-
manded the managing editor
'Of course, if you put it in that
way replied the religious editor
his ear. Il cave"