davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Shall We Prune In Winter.

There has been a vast amount of
discussion as to the proper time for
pruning: some insisting that 1t
should be done in winter, while 9TH
ers hold that the proper time is
whenever your knife is sharp"
There is ole season especially in
which pruning should not be done,
viz: During the period of active
growth, from the time buds start in
until buds for the next year
are formed. Winter is preferred by
many. as more time can be devoted
to the work, and with the apple and
pear, it probably does not make any
difference at what period it is done
between the fall of the leaf and the
swelling of the buds in spring 1t is
not well to prune when the wood is
frozen. as bad wounds and cracks
may result. If young trees are Ia
ken in hand from the start, and
proper attention given to forming
the heads, there would be little need
of severe pruning in the orchard.
The too common method Is, to plant
an orchard and let it grow uncared
for. The trees, after they begin to
bear, yield fair crops for a few years.
and then, when they decline and
fail, pruning is suggested as a rem
edy. Too often the pruning is done
10y ignorant persons, and as a result,
nearly as much wood is cut away as
there is left. This great waste should
be avoided. The labor of the tree,
so to speak, expended to produce
these numerous branches, should
have been directed to the production
of fruit, as it might have been, had
proper care been given to the orch
ard when young. The principles of
pruning are readily understood, and
one should never remove a branch,
large OF small, without having some
definite object in view.-Amer;c0n
Ag~riculturaliSt.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
II Bridal Couple Doused.

A newly-marred pair, who arrived
on their honeymoon trip at a ceie-
brated Scotch watering place when
accommodation vas at a premium,
had a mattress spread tor them by a
compassionate i~n-keeper III one Of
his bathrooms. In the middle of
the night the house was alarmed by
loud shrieks proceeding from the
nuptial chamber. What was the
matter? Well, this: The young
bride, wishing to ring for a servant,
had caught hold of what she sup
posed TO be the bell rope and pulled
it sharply. Unhappily for her and
her spouse it was the cord OF the
shower hath over their heads, and
forthwith down plunged such a de-
luge of cold water as would throw a
damper upon the most devoted
honeymaking couples. Her hus-
band, in dismay. caught ~frantically
another cord on his side of the
extemporized couch, but the only
response was an equally liberal de-
LUCE of water, this time nearly boil
ing hot. The unhappy pair then
screamed in unison. When the
came they found the floor
of the room flooded with water, and
the wife was perched like a monkey
on her husbands back, uttering the
most lamentable cries, while her
good man was fumbling about in
the dark trying his best to find the
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
A Persian Boss

A strange story comes from Persia
by way of Paris, which is vouched
for as being true in every particular.
A few months ago a brilliant and
rising young French painter travel
ing through Asia came to Persia. and
was presented at the Court of the
Shah. He had with him his latest
work, "The Beheading Of john the
Baptist" which the Shah hearing of
was DESTROYS TO zee. A day was set
and the picture was placed for in
spection in the palace. His Majesty
observed it long and critically, and
while praising it highly, criticised
one thing. The artist had not inn
parted a deathly pallor to the lips,
which were ruddv as in life. The
painter ventured respectfully To dis
sent from the judgment of his royal
critic, when the Shah impstiently
said: Enough, | viii prove ia Sp
that the Shah of Persia knows
whereof he speaks" Saying which
he clapped his hands. and an atteu-
dant appeared making the custo-
mary salaam. His master babe him
stand upright. and then drawing his
sword, with one stroke cut OF the
head of the hapless slave. which
rolled upon the floor. The Shah at
once. took out his watch, saving,
"When you painted the head al
your Baptist, j, had been cut off uot
more than two ~RiDntes. See, at the
esd of two minutes. ule lips of this
slave, whose head | have cut If are
blanehed and bloodles,; aud acknow-
ledge that in this respect your other
wise excellent painting Is not tr9e
10 nature More dead than alive
the yeung arts; managed to retire
from the preseneeof Che dread auto
crat, and for many months after
ward the memory of that dreadful
sceLe entirely untitled him for work.
And yet this is an ordinary occur
renee under an Eastern autocrat.
1t is only fair TO repeat that this
story comes by the way of Paris.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
They are stragcrs Now.

A Middletown young lady never
tires of relating an amusing occur
renee of the sleighing season last
winter. She was enjoying a ride
in company with two Hartford gen.
tlemen and she was driving. One
of the gentlemen slyly inserted a
hand in her muff and lovingly
pressed the disengaged hand. She
blushed and withdrew it just as the
other gentleman on the other side
slipped his hand in the muff. She
knew by the action of her adorers
that the hand pressures were fire.
auent and loving within the silk
lining OF the mutt, for first n face
and then the other would bob for
ward to catch a look at the sweet
face and eyes which prompted, as
they supposed, the tender pressure
of the hand. The by play lasted
until the young lady quietly re-
marked:
If YOU gentlemen are through
with my muff III trouble you for it
now, as my hands are getting cold"
And the two gentlemen, who had
been comfortably warm up to this
time, suddenly felt an Arctic chill
creeping up their spinal columns,
and the mercury of their feelings
dropped to $50 degrees below zero.
The two gentlemen are strangers
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27


B. F. Spayd, of Waretown, writes
to the Philadelphia Record:
On the 10th of April 1879, /
bought five guinea hens and one
male, and fed them on cracked corn
until the y of May, when they COM
menced laying eggs to the amount
of three hundred, and then Matched
and brought out fifty young ones.
They cost nothing to raise until
snow covers the ground, as they live
ca insects and seeds from weeds. |
think with my experience, fifty
guinea hens on q hundred acre farm
would keep the farmers insect enc
mics away; besides, with proper
care, he would secure over three
thousand eggs. He could allow a
few to bfeed SO as to keep up the
supply.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Her Nfajesty's Blues.

"Have YOU never heard of the
British Household Cavalry? 1t COM
prises three reginents-the First and
Second Life Guards, who constitute
the Heavies and the Blues.
"Do they take their name from
the color of their uniform ?"
"Yes and you ought to see those
uniforms, answered the ex-cavairy-
man, with enthusiasm. The tu-
nices and coats are blue, with gold
facings. and the breeches are of the
finest buckskin. Gauntlet gloves and
high boots are worn. The helmet
and cuirasses are OF a metal-Ilke
German silver, and the helmets are
surmounted by red plumes. The men
are Obliged to keep their uniforms
ana equipments in the best possible
condition constantly. They are sub
mitted to the most severe inspection
every day, and he least speck of
dirt or rust brings down a penalty.
Even the spaces between the points
Of the spurs are critically examined.
/ believe that in the earlier part of
the last century a certain earl OF
Oxford organized a body of cavalry,
whose duty it vas to protect and
escort such royal personages "a
might be thrown in their way.
These royal troopers were all gentle
men and the sons of gentlemen. Like
other woman corps in England,
they furnish their own arms, horses
and equipments. After awhile, the
organization was turned over to the
Government, and the men were paid
and fed at the public expense
"Is gentle blood a condition of
admission to the ranks of the Blues,
now?"
mo; even the offspring of a hab-
erdasher may enter the Household
Brigade now, if he is at least six feet
high, measures thirty-nine inches
about the chest, can read, write, CT
pher, and furnish a certificate from
a magistrate or clergyman that he
has a good character"
"What does her Majesty give such
a person for his valuable services ?"
"A mar in either of the House
hold Regiments should make sixteen
pence a day over and above all ex-
penses, while a man in the line can
clear only about half that amount"
was the response Of the veteran
gusrdsman.
"How many men are there in the
Blues ?"
Let me see-ffty men &c . troop,
two troops TO a squadron-5U men
IN the regiment. The troop COM
manded by the senior captain is
called the Queens troop"
"Where do the Blues get their
horses ?"
From the Government stud in
Yorkshire. The men are all mount
ed on black horses, except the band,
who have white horses. Part of the
time the regiment is quartered in
London, and part of the time in
Windsor. When at the latter place
they take part in the maneuveres
In Aldershot. George III. presented
the Blues with a set Of silver kettle
drums, and George ". gave them a
magnificent standard. which is still
used on State occasions"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Hop Bftters are the Purest and Best
Bitters Ever Made.

They are compounded from Hops,
Malt, Buchu, Mandrake and Dande-
Ilion,-the oldest, best and most val
liable medicines in the world and
contain all the best and most cura-
tive properties OF all other remedies,
being the greatest Blood Purifier,
Liver Regulator, and Life and
Health Restoring Agent on earth.
No disease or i'll health can possibly
long exist where these Bitters are
used, so varied and perfect are their
operations.
They give new life and vigor to the
aged and infrm. To all whose en-
ploynents cause irregularity of the
bowels, or urinary organs, or who
require the Appetizer, Tonic and
mild Stimulant, Hop Bitters are in
valuable, being highly curative, tom
ic and stimulating, without intoAi-
eating.
No matter what your feelings or
symptoms are, what the disease or
ailment is, use Hop Bitters. Don't
wait until you are sick, but if you
only feel bad or miserable, 5 Hop
Bitters at once. 1t may save your
life. Hundreds have been saved by
80 doing. $500 will be paid fol- a
case they will not cure or help.
Do not suffer or let your friends
suffer, but use and urge them to use
Hop Bitters.
Remember. Hop Bitters is no
vile, drugged, drunken nostrum, but
the Purest and Best Medicine ever
IA lde the 'Invalidis Friend and
Hope" and no person or family
should be without them. Try the
Bltters to-day.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Going to School

"Class in geography, come for
ward, and in case any of you drop a
pencil. look out of the window OF
utter a cough | will keep the whole
school in at ecess. Now, then,
where is Green Cheese Creek Z"
They give it up.
What ! None OF YOU able TO an
swer that question: Here are twenty
bows who expect to become business
men, and seven girls who viii be-
come wives and mothers. and not
one of you know that Green Cheese
Creek rises in the southeastern part
of Hindostan, anG flows In a north
westerly course for seventeen miles
and TWENTY-FIVE rods and emptles
into Ham River. You boys would
look nice starting out as lawyers,
doctors and book-keepers, wouldn't
YOU? Go to your seats, and as a
punishment each n OF you must
write fifty words snd give me the
names OF every President of the Uni
ted States.
Glass in arithmetic, step this
way. and be careful how you step or
sou won't get any dinner to-day.
Now, James, what l. d rhomboldY
Il don't know, sir.
you don't? You are expecting 10
grow Up and become a clerk la a
clothing store and you don know
what a rhUnboid IL A rhomboid,
.lr. is a parailelogram whose oppo-
ne sides only are equal, aud whose
angles are not right angles. lake
our seat, and don [ you dare look
up until you have committed seven
teen pages OF history 10 memory.
Now, Thomas. what is tile
amount due on a note ior S461 ,l94,
given for one year, one day, one
hour and nlne-tenths of a minute,
and bearing seven and three elev-
enth per cent. interest? Come, now,
answer of hand"
Cant doit, sir"
You can't? Only yesterday you
Told me that you intended TO run a
srist mill when you grew up, and
here YOU cant answer a simple ques-
ton in mathematics You'll never
be able TO run one end OF a corn
shelter, and | might as well tell you
30 now. Go to your seat and cipher
out 100 examples in vulgar frac-
tons.
Glass in ancient history, now adj
vance. When was the first rebellion
against the A5syrian King Sardan-
,palus? ?"
No answer.
james, Henry, Charles, Samuel
what None of you able to answer
this question You are preparing to
20 out in the world as insurance can
vassers, telegraph operators, bank
clerks and board of trade spectators,
and behold your ignorance, What
would any Of you do in case you
we're waking through an alley OF a
dark night twenty years hence and
some one should suddenly stop you
and ask this question: The class Is
dismissed. How the next genera
ton will manage to run stores and
factories and keepthe wheels Of COM
merce and progress moving | don't
know"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Why He Didn't Take IL,

Not long ago an old pioneer, who
had lived in Texas in the days of
the ea-ly ~colonists, was boasting of
the good old times. Why, sir"
said he, Il was once offered a league
of land for a pair of old boots"
Didn't you take it?" said the
party he was talking to,
mo, sir; | didn't"
"No account land, | reckon?n
"Why, bless your heart, sir, it was
the best piece of land outdoors.
Grass five feet high, clear stream OF
water running through it, and an
undeveloped silver mine in one
corner"
And why the deuce didn't you
make the trader"
Because" said the old man, in a
sad and regretful tone of voice, 'be-
cause II didn't have the boots"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Big Words.

1t is never well to use large words
when small oneE viii express the
same meaning. 4 lady who was
making a call on some acqGaintan-
ces observed that the furniture had
been changed, and remarked to the
lady
you have been metamorphosed I;
haven'tyou?
Yes" said the ether, hesitating-
". "You mean calcimined, ] sup
pose: it looks much better doesn't
it?"
Another lady was showing a Wis
itor around her grounds. which were
under the are of a landscape gard
ener. and she inquired of the friend
how she liked the work.
why, | think" she said, that
you need symmetry"
Why" said the other, I'VE don't
expect to bury anyone here. There
Is a good cemetery quite near"
What caused your lutte boys
sickness p asked a plain woman of
a mother whose little son was very
i'll.
He was climbing a ladder said
the lady, and lost his equilibri-
um."
Poor little fellowl' said The SYM
pathetic woman, do buy him anoth-
erl he'll be more careful the next
tiaef'
Did you fnd the people indi-
CENT? asked a clergyman OF a veal.
Thy member of bis church who had
been calling on some very poor fam
lilies.
"Oh, dear, no." answered the lady.
they were respectable, bat as poor
As pCrerty."
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

\ hunter with an empty game
bag enters a country tavern at might
tall, and with an air of gloom bids
the host serve him with a glass OF
wine.
While he i drinking it the host
remarks col.fdentiaIly: you had
bad luck to-day, I'm afraid?'
Yes, my friend; | did not bag a
single thing. The first time such a
thing has happened to me in the
course of my life" (Sportsman's
perjury at which Joye laughs
well, if you are anxious to take
something home, | have a hare out
in the stable that | would not mied
parting with to you for ten francs"
"A hare? Dead?'
mo, alive. | caught it y~ester-
day"
'T1l take it.n
The landlord leads the hunter out
into the yard and brings out the
hare, which he ties to a stake by a
cord fastened to its foot.
Now, sir, blaze away
The sportsman retlres a few PAGES,
brings his gun to his shoulder and
blazes away, and the charge takes
effect in the cord and the hare
bounds lightly over the fence and
disappears in The azure distance.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

A woman with the euphonious
name of Marie Freifrau Won Elmer
Eschenback has published a book
of "Aphorisms," and has cut the
male reviewer off with a sentence:
"A clever woman has millions of
born foes-all stupid men," There
is nothing left for the male critic, of
course. after that, but to profess
himself a friend OF the author or to
put on the cap she has made for
him
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

| was troubled with Chronic Ca
tarrh and gathering in my head, was
very deaf at times and had discharg
es from my ears, besides being una
bic to breathe through my nose.
Before the second bottle of Elys
Cream Balm was exhausted [ Wa
cured, and to-day enjoy sound
health. C. J. CoRBIS. 923 Chestnut
St, Field Manager Philadelphia Pub.
House. Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

The largest sale of pine land in
the history of Michigan was effected
Monday, six Thousand acres ia
Lougdale county being bought by
Milwaukee and Man;stee e ii
is estimated that 100000 feet OF
pine timber is now standing on this
tract. 4 railroad is to be built
through |. and The timber worked
up at once.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Swindlers Abroad.

If any one has represented that
we are in any way interested in any
bogus bitters or stuff with the word
Hops" in their name, cheating hon
est folks, or that we will pay any of
their bills or debts, they are frauds
and swindlers, and the victims
should punish them. We deal in
and pay only the bills for the genu-
inc Hop Bitters, the purest and best
medicine on earth.
Hop BITTERs MANUFACTURING Co.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

A parvenue having purchased an
ancient castle, with all the accesso-
ries, is found by his daughter on the
first cold day warming his hands at
a fire which he has kindled in a
suit of plate armor.
20, pa, what have you been do
ing?"
The lord of the manor, with sat
isfaction-''the Teller that patented
that ar stove must have been crazy,
but I've made the old thing heat
uno
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

l thought thee cruel once, Jack Frost,
When ] was young and small;
You pinched my ears and bit my toes.
You painted red my cheeks and nose,
And kept me close within the doors,
And thus deemed thee chief of foes
That could my youth befail.
Thought thee crnel once again,
When up to manhood grown
l saw thee clothe the earth in white
When all that's fair and pure and bright
Wa withered by thy deadly blight,
Withered in one short, luckiess night,
Where'er thy breath had blown.
You nipped my buds and spoiled my vine
And flied me with dismay;
An enemy ! called you them
a foe TO garden. field and glen,
A curse e n 10 the sons Of men,
And. never to return again,
babe thee haste away
Bu, now. Jack Frost, / find at last
Thou was't my dearest friend;
one has come in to take thy place
Without thy beauty OF thy grace.
With poisonous breath and saffron face
Bent on destruction to nj race
And sorrows without end.
Our land lies mourning at hi feet,
And meath his glIasrly tread
OR fairest q oyer nave met decay.
Our brishtes, gen, nave lost their ray,
Tue Young. the beautiful. the gay,
Are vanished from oar sight away
Aud numbered with the dead
Come back. JACK Frost osain come back
Thrice welcome - each heart,
stretch forth this white aud frozen wand.
Bid suffering dee at thy command,
Give health and quiet u the land,
Come wrest BIZ scePter from his hand
And bid the foe depart.
Whole cities wall his deadly stroke.
Trade bends beneath his rod,
Palsied our every interest lies.
Tears. bitter tears, sufuse q eyes
Our bosoms burst with groans and signs;
Come. then, thou angel OF the skies
Thou messenger Of God.
Thou Great Physician from above,
Who cam'st to save the lost,
Thou who did'st once for sinners bleed,
Come in this hour of diresi need,
Come. aud in mercy intercete;
Come. stay the plaques insaiIaie greed
God sendthe white boar frost
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

A little girl in Glendale, Mo-, has
received a pass for life on the Mis-
souri, Pacific Railroad. Seeing two
trains approaching each other on a
curve. she stopped one b, frantically
waving her apron, thus averting IA
disaster.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

A fashionable lady, in Boosting of
her new "palatial residence, said the
windows were all of stained glass.
That's too bad" cried her mother:
but won't soap and turpentine take
the stains out2n
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
How to Avoid Drunkenness.

Forbid intoxicating nostrums and
use farker's Ginger Tonic in YOUR
family. This delicious remedy new
er intoxicates, is a true blood and
brain food, and aiding all the vital
functions never fails to inyigorate.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
What Women Should Use.

Dyspepsia, weak back, despond-
ency. aud other troubles caused me
fearful suffering, but Parker's Gin.
ger Tonic makes me feel like a new
being. A great remedy. Every
woman should use it. Mrs. Garitz,
Pittsburgh.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

Why continue the use of remedies
that only relieve, when Ely's Cream
Balm, pleasant OF application and
a sure cure for Catarrh, Hay Fever
and Cold in Head, can be had for
80 cents?
Apply into nostrils with little fin
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

1t is no exaggeratioR. Ely's
Cream Balm is a cure for Catarrh.
Hay Fever and Cold in head. Many
.cqrss have been made among my
customers. No other remedy has
ever equaled the Balm in good re-
suite. A. J. 0pESwE4peR, Druggist,
Faston; Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

Pearl fishing Is pursued by 1000
divers on the coast OF Lower Califor-
MA The pearl oysters are found
from u TO six miles from shore, in
water from one 80 twenty fathoms
deep. The yearly product Is about
100000.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

According to a recent statement.
the gross amount of wages paid 10
elk operatives IN the whole coanir,
is s9,oOo,0oO per annum, and th.
total value of annual product is
about s35,000.000.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

A colored wonian has been SEN
ieneed To sixty six aud two-thirds
days la the workhoQse of Nashville.
Tenn, Tor stealiog a brick pavement.
She used the material to build a
chimney ia her house.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

Premature grayness avoided by
using Parker's Hair Balsam, distin-
guished for cleanliness and perfume.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27

Ten per cent. of the purchase money to be paii
on Gay OF sale: $3.50 (less amount laid On day 81
sale on April l, 1883 when Deed will he dsIiverea
and possession gwen; the balance in two eanal
anndal pa meats, with interest from date OF safe,
the deferred payments to be secured by udgmeu.
bond.
HENRY GEISEL. JR.
Administrator Of Catharine GeIseI.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Frame Dwelling House,
TERMS:

orchard, consisting Of apple. cherry, and peach
trees, etc., on the premists; heated absus one.
half mile from the town OF hOJversyilie; convent
ent to churches. schools, &C.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-12-27
Saturday, Dec. 60, 1852,

at leo o'clock p. m. n tract Of land situate il
Quens honing township. Souer c. county Pa.
with a small piece thereof In Shade township
adjoining lands Of Jacob berksbife JnO Weigle
Mrs. Levi Ober, Jno Hoover, nenzy.Geisel Jos
Meyers and others, eonta uir 2 atoul 10 acres. o
which q, out 20 acres are clea red, and sume lin.
ler on the BALANCE. A TWO sIarY