Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-11-06
ARTEmUs WARD AND THE LONDON
CARRY

Artemus Ward, the prince of humorists,
positively revealed in what think he was
the first to dub a "goak." l remember,
late one night in the fall of 1865, Artemus,
dear little jeff Prowse and my humble self,
were left alone in the club-room at Ash.
ieys. Artemus proposed an adjournment to
the ALEXANDRIA Prowse and self ioyfully
assented. Artemus asked jeff to char.
ter cab. The vehicle soon drew up, It
was clear night, which give us full
view of the drivers face. he was grave
and stolid. looking, and evidently self-pos.
sessed. Artemus seemed to study the
mans features for brief moment then
ne lntsmated to me in q whisper
tnas he was going to have lark
with cabby. Assuming grave air,
winch sat SO marvelously well
on his face, he addressed the man in slow,
measured accents. My friend" he said,
you look to NE man of thought and ex-
perlence, In fact, the very man likely to
decide most important and most difficult
question which has arisen between me and
my, friend there" pointing to JEFF, who
looked slightly puzzled. "Do you take
me? VIII you be arbiter between US"
Cabby looked SO dubious at first that /
thought he was going to say "Gammon,"
or "Shut up" or something of the sort.
However, SO wopdrously intent did Ar.
temus look, and SO supernally grave was
his manner, that the mans suspicious faded
away from his face as snow will under
hot sun. He gave hall, grunt, then said
briefly, Fire away, guv'nor, let's know
watts all about"
Well" responded Artemus, with slow
deliberateness, weighing every word appa.
rently. "Well, look ye here, now, my
friend; that gentleman there pointing
again to jeff Prowse, who, not knowing
exactly how Charley might choose to COM
promise him with mayhap irate Jehu,
began to give slight signs of feeling rather
uncomfortable" maintains that it is the
divergence of contradictory opinions, which
in the natural logic sequence of reasoning,
and in the inferential conclusions of argu-
mentation, must In the final end inevitably
lead to conveyance, and concord and har-
mony among the people, and bring about
that most deyoutly.wished-fo consumma-
ton when man to man the world all Ger
shall brethren be and a that l trust
you follow me, my friend ?" 81 fol-
low you, guv'nor fire away" said
cabby briefly, who evidently was not quite
clear yet what it all could possibly be
about. "Now you see my good fellow"
pursued Artemus, with increased intense
ness of face and graver ponderousness of
manner and diction, " |, on the other part,
assert, and | mean to stick to it, too, let
gaipsay who may with ferocious glare
our way" that it is contrarywise and op.
posite, the conveyance of concurrent, con.
cordant and coincident opinions that must
inevitably in its corrolary and concomitant
consequential train OF its outcoming results
lead to divergences, difficulties and differ.
ences raising his voice to higher pitch
and frantically saving and beating the air
with his outstretched right arm" which
will make one man jump at another's
throat and strive to strangle him to DEATH"
Then he proceeded more quietly NOW,
my friend, you cannot but admit that I
have placed the case fairly before you.
Now, please give NC your decision"
Cabby, who had apparently listened
with much serious attention to this rigma-
role, bent his head on one side, and with
one eye shut, gave Artemus the benefit of
an inimitably droll look. Then he pro-
ceeded with gravity of manner equal to
Wards and s..:h more pondercus slowness
of enunciation, to deliver himself Of the
following oracular decision, which would
have done honor to the great Bunsby him
self: Well, guv-nor, it is knotty pint
and aIaxs;snt to crack for the likes O. nae
seein' as tn is great deal to be said on
both sides; and 2aS :. ye think, now, guv'nor,
it's rayther dry 2deatiors - es-.le2 A..ssp
l knowed from the first, We vos q gen'le-
man, hevery inch O. you, guv'nor." Hav-
ing said which ne looked expectant.
" Sold !" cried Artemus, laughing, jump
ing into the vehicle, followed by us.
"You shall have your liquor, cabby. Drive
on "Reminiscences of an Old Bohemian