The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-08-19
NO. 10
WIT AND WISDOM.

father of American knavery.
The ice cream season opens we'll.
Several girls have already had their
Threats frostbitten while eating it.
Oscar Wilde has made $25, 900 out
of his lectures, but none of his
hearers could ever make anything
ont of them.
Conkling is reported as saying that
"the medicine of defeat may do the
party good this year." and he ought
to know.
A Chicago editor has discovered
that the man who pays fifteen cents
for drink Of whiskey is swindled
out of ten cents.
"A singular marriage is the head
ing to paragraph in one Of the
dailies. Thought that was q game
that two had to play at.
voltaire had his cynical dab at
doctors when he spoke of a physician
as "a man who pours drugs, Of which
he knows little, into bodies Of which
he knows less
A strolling actor started out
with the high hopes captivating
the country girls, but report says
that uncertain eggs were the only
things that were mashed on him.
A stranger in St. Louis, thinking
he recognized his coat on the back
Of a pedestrian, shouted, "Stop
Thiefr and about thirty of the in
habitants disappeared down q side
street.
A company of settlers, In NAM
ing their new town, called it Die
tionary, because, as they, said,
that's the only place where peace,
prosperity and happiness are always
found.
The top Of fence in an inundated
tract in Illinois reached just above
the water, and for days every post
and board was piled high with
snakes endeavoring to save their
lives.
Yes said the Sheriff, i have my
doubts about that mans being guilty
of that murder. Why. when he
stood on the drop he hadn't the least
idea that he would go straight to
Heaven
A man docs his counting in private
and seclusion, John Henry, as boy
goes behind the woodshed to suck his
orange. Not because he is ashamed
Of it but because he wants it all to
himself.
In speaking of drinking man it is
now fashionable to say that he arrays
his nose in liquid purple. When q
man has extravagant helpmatc he
is justified in speaking Of her as his
dear wife,
San Francisco has three women
lawyers, and on old man who was
on jury in case in which one Of
them appeared, got up as she was
about to begin her argument and
asked the Judge to chloroform him
until she got through.
A little four year-old girl did not
obey when her mother first called her.
So her mother spoke rather sharply.
Then she came in and said, Mamma,
I've been very kind to you to-day,
and / don't want you to speak SO large
to me-
Scene-Road leading from church
yard; two acquaintance meeting.
First acquaintance-"Buried yer third
wife. John! Yell sharely never think
O. mserryin' again~ Second 40
quaintance-"Weol, if ! doe, I'll
take wildly. They usually zee
vie oot."
'Vod yer ask by der week for those
roomsY he said to the Seabright ho-
tel-keeper. We get $40 a dag for
one person and $25 for two, said
the boniface. sSor exclaimed the
applicant; well, / doand dinks der
seaside agrees nit my families und ]
60 by der mountains anyhow.
A Chicago saloonkeeper went 10
sleep with two loaded revolvers
under his pillow, and yet burglars
got in crossed the bed in which be
was sleeping, and took 5000 out
of his clothes without awakening
him. When he awoke the next
morning he was so mad that he
lynched both revolvers and then
bought a dog.
=
A news item says that the best
female circus rider in Russia ID
Dounedretisky, who turns Q double
sonersault through hoop, and car
ries her name, which is painted in
the centre, along with her. To turn
q double somersault through a hoop
may not he very remarkable feat.
but to get her name through without
knocking off some of its cornors,
is certainly an astonishing perform
ance.
Independence: Nc, Stree remark
ed the old resident, My wife didn't
bring me a cent. But it was all my
fault wouldn't have it. The
morning of the day we were married,
/ says tc her, says 1: Maria, how
much money have We gotY Says shes
John I've just got Is cents Thea
says I, Come with me- and / took
her down to the canal and had her
throw that 0nartar into the brink