The Portland daily press., 1882-10-27
Artemus Ward and the London
Cabbv.

"Reminiscences of an Old Bohemian.l
Artemus Ward, the prince of humorists pos
itiyely reyeled in what think he was the first
to dub COAX" / remember, late one night
In the Fall of 1866, Artemus, dear little jeff
Prowse and my humble self were left alone in
the club-room at Ashley's. Artemus proposed
an adjournment to the Alhambra. Prowse and
self joyfully assented. Artemus asked jeff to
charter cab. The vehicle soon drew up. 1t
was clear night, and the hotel and street
lamps shed bright light, which gave us full
view OF the drivers face He was grave and
stolid-ooking, and evidently self-possessed.
Artemus seemed to study the mans features
for brief moment; then he intimated to me
in whisper that he was going to have lark
with cabby. Assuming grave air, which sat
so marvelously well on his face, he addressed
the man in slow, measured accents: "My
friend, he said, ''you look to me a man of
thought and experience, in short, the very
man likely 10 determine most important and
most difficult question which has arisen be-
tween me ana my friend there pointing to
jeff, who looked slightly puzzled 'Do you
take me? VIII you be arbiter between us?,'
CaDby looked SO dubious at first that thought
he was going to say, 'sGammonl" or "Shut
up! or something of the sort. However SO
wondrously intent did Artemus look, and SO
supernaly grave was his manner, that the
mans suspicious faded away from his face as
snow Will under hot sun. He gave half
grunt, then said briefly: Fire away. guy'nor
let's know watts all about
Well" responded Artemus, with slow de-
hberaseness, weighing every word, apparently,
well, look ye here, now, my friend that gem
tleman there pointing again to jeff Prowse,
who not knowing exactly how Charley might
choose to compromise him with mayhap irri-
tated Jehu, began TO give slight signs OF feel
Ing rather omfortable-"maintains that it
is the divergence of contradictory opinions
which IN the natural logical sequence of rea-
sonlng, and IL the inferential conclusions of ar
gumeptatlon, must in the final end inevitably
lead to conveyance, and concord and harmony
among people, and bring about that most de-
voutly wished-for contamination when man to
man the world DER shall brethren be for a.
that. | trust you follow me, my frieno?' 81
follow you, guv'nor; fire away" said cabby
briefly, who evidently was not quite clear yet
what 1t could all possibly be about. Nov, you
see, my good fellow, pursued Artemus, with
increased iRtentness of face and graver ponder
BUSINESS of manner and dictioD, 81, on the 9TH
or part, assert, and mean to stick to it, too
let gainsay who may, with ferocious glare
our way-"that il is contrariwise and opposite,
The conveyance OF concurrent, concordant and
coincdent opinions that must inevitably in its
corollary and concomitant consequential train
of its outcoming results lead to divergences
dlfncaitles and MISUNDERSTANDING his voice to
higher pitch, and franticslly saving and
beating the air with his o1tstretched right arm
(which will make one man jump at anoth-
er's throat and strive to strange him to death!'
Then he proceeded more quietly-"Now, my
friend, you cannot but admit that / have
placed the case fairly before you. Now, please
give us your decision" Cabby, who had ap-
parently listened with much serious attention
to this rigmaroe, bent his head on one side.
aud with one eye shut gave Artemus the bene-
fit of an inimitably dro1 look. Then he pro-
ceeded to with gravity of manner equal TO
Wards, and still more ponderous slowness of
enunciation to deliver himself of the following
orscular decision which would have done Lon
or to the great Bunsby himself: "Well, guy
nor, IL is knotty pint and ard nut TO crack
for the likes o me; seem as there is great
deal TO be said on both sides; and don't ye
think, now, guv'nor, it's rayther dry ques-
ton to SETTLE? Vch knowed from the first
ye vos a gen leman, hevery inch O. you, guv-
nor" Having Said which, he looked expec-
tant. "Sold!" cried Artemus. laughing, Jump
ing into the vehicle followed by us. ''You shall
have your liquor, cabby. Drive on.'