The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1882-11-02
The Fiend Who Groans,

1t takes all kinds OF people to make 8
world, butthe mortals in the crowd who
can best be. spared is tie groaner. Usu-
ally on the shady side of the hill. he is
TOO lar down to remember ANYTHING
about the sunshine that frightened his
morning. He has seen the ups and
downs, the good and eyil.of life, coniu-
gated the verb ''tor be- in all its moods
| and lenses, and although the ,,Iantl ex-J
perienee has grown rank he has never
learned law to be uncensorious, to be
chary in condemnation, nor deems it
wise to attribute a pure motive to an un-
| fortunate mistake, He is a strong ad-
voeate of Puritan discipline in the edu-
| eatloa OF youth, and subdue their bursts
OF innocent fun, with wave of forbid
ding damphess that hangs round every
arqele of his app arel You, are a, big
hearted fellow, and believe from his
I'M go that the world has abused him.
:thatfillstiee being a. female, and gblind,
TOO, has been inert, and you take him in
arms ar although he lirfitates yot,iHf body
like a handful of Jelly fish . Your wife
forbears during the completion of a dozen
greai1s, but the children Withdrew. z1He
IS thorn linsyour Life; q leper in your
better nature; Mordecai at your
dopr; a. pestilenee in harvest, an
ounce gyofa A gall tin,os a. pound, of
sweet; a Fetish in which you nail amia-
Ebiity, generosity coi1tentment and All
pthe other beatitudess that religion, has
bestowed. You hate him.. despise, ab-'
hor, coiidenln, detest, but he is In syouir
minds eye. and will not away. - You, sec,
him in your dreams, with forty horse
power ana an avalanche of snakes. 81 If
he Changes, in at meal time, Lucullns
could not restore your appetite: and
wherever you think of him the familiar
groeap, i heard and runs. through your
frame Ike tlnge Of rheumatism. He
IS rent in the elements; a reprimand.
lof good, fellowship forty times more
formidable than Banquo's ghost; blot
on the escdteheon that portends the adj.
vance of .some. Demon He puts an en-.
barge on good cheer. He is so soul: that
she reminds one of a sucked lemon with
the pity, lnirth, tenderness. charity. in
fact all the milk of kindness squeezed
iout OF him. When he gets an invitation
to a wedding he goes, for the chances
are not numerous. He makes the
groom feel worse than the e,ssf m an
that shot the albatross by telling
his preferences for funeral. Not know
ing how to- congratulate, he felicitates
the bride, but with q sick heart; and
when she endrres the touch of his clam
my hand and feels the awfulness of Els
groaan, l. she has, the blues. with stock
enough for the honeymoon. The floral
decorations, ,Ethe'mllsicians, acivility sup
posed to be, patronizing, produces a
groan, and this untrans1atable, mex!
but most pungent articulatiorl,t b
with every pitch in the scale is Initiated
ON viands, people ana > Manners It
comes ifltheressis the slightest provoea-s
qon, and comes if there is, more. In,
crowd he IS morose," discohtented and
raliica. He goes to a political, religious
or educational convention. for the sole j.,
purpose of contradiction and When his
Henomtfailslto woundIthe groan is,efleot-,
lal as an exterminator. He cannot be
sat down on, for the pressure would ne
apeisonal contact lerogatory,
to- human nature. 1t is impossible to
shoot him, as the damp, viscfous, itena-
oieus Elements thatmake u4, hissoul and
body defy percussion and projectile, for
he is nothing but groan u Chicago 1
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