The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-01-11
n g 4St
WIT And WISDOM.


IN. o. Pic.
When bank teller is leader of a choir his
paper ought to be good, as we'll as his notes.
N. Y. Com. Adv.
The world is all fieeting show, we say but
somehow we all want to see the show little
longer.-Bost. Star.
Chicago's most beautiful blonde turns out
to be burglar. We have long suspected it,.
Elmira Free Press.
There is an old proverb which runs
6 Never count four unless you have them in
in your way This needs no explanations
One redeeming feature of AIormonism seems
to be that it does not throw the burden of the
support Of husband on woman.
Money is active Fogg read in his news
paper. "That's so,n said he; it's active
enough to keep oat of my reach. Boston
Transcript.
The man that says that woman has never
invented anything should listen for few
minutes at the keyhole of the sewing society.
Courier Journal.
:" DECLARE" said Julia, syou take tho
words righto out ofmy mouth" No wonder :;
they are SO sweet, said Henry. The day
was set that evening.
There is no rest for the wigged y is what
the bald headed man said when he chased his
false hair up the street in November gale.--
Boston Courier.
Jacob Furst, of New York, having had his
name changed, will neither be Furst in war,
Furst in peace, nor Furst in the hearts of his
countrymen.-Bos Post.
Christmas poem by our picked poet; Pater
| familias, daughter; Lamb to the slaughter !;
a sealskin he brought er; He did what he
ought er. Sing Y. Com. Adv.
"The truth always pays in the end y is an
old saying, and that is the reason, probably,
why there is SO little Of it told in the begin
ming of any business ansaction.-Som. Jour.
man with a small salary and large fami-
ly says If pride goes before a fall, he would
like to see Pride start on little ahead of the
piice of coal and provisions. Boston Com
Adv
Hope for bald heads . angrily exclaims'
the editor of the Jersey City Journal after
reading the head of newspaper ADVERTISE
ment. g" Hope is not what we want We,
need hair.a
/ The Boston Courier thinks the best time
for prize fight is muggy morning and the
battered aatagonist eau most COMFORTABLY go
to grass N Y. Com. ADV.
You have heard, my love, that Amanda
is about to marry Arthur" know it /; but
what can't understand is that woman as
intelligent as she is can consent to marry
him Paris Paper.
Young man: It's all right for you to want
to own the earth. Get as much of it as you
can in decent SORT of way. But don't ina
CINE you own the whole of it. That's where
lots of folks make mistake. Boston Post.
A Main street lady demonstrated with a
green girl who had washed table-dish in
wasl, basin. She nearly convulsed the whole
family by replying Well, mum, but
clanes the basin agin afore anybody washes
in tile Roy Times.
A little r-year-old girl did not obey when
her mother first called her. So her mamma
spoke rather sharply Then she came in and
said +" Mamma, I've been very kind to you
to day and don't want you to speak 80 large
to me.'
81 always did like tho character of ST..
Paul, said boarding-hous keeper I" for he
once said, you know, to eat what is set before
us, and ask no questions for conscence's sake
always thought | should like him for a.
boarder."
| Amateur Printer--There is 20 regular past
ry cook connected with printing Office, al .
though sometimes when one of the hands
makes little pi he makes the foreman little
tart, and then perhaps, the latter complains
of being ''out of sorts. v--Bost. Com. Bulletin.
Lapdlady entirely innocent of grammatica
knowledge, advertises that she has ga fine,
airy, we'll FURNISHED bedroom for gentleman
twelve foot square ~ another has ga cheap
aud desirable suit of rooms FOR respectable
| family in good repair ~ still another has "as
hall bedroom for single woman eight by
twelve.".
Emory Storrs recently delivered lecture at
Lewiston, H., on The Good Old Times.
The Chicago Journal remarks that Mr.. Storrs'
has bad as many good old times as any man
in Illinois, but it doubts whether be revealed
all that he knows on the subject.--1owa State
Reg
" He blew ont his brains after bidding his
wife goodbye with gun" Erected to the
memory of John Phillips accidently shot as
mark Of affection by his BROTHER "a piano
for sale by lady about to cross the Channel
in an oak case with carved legs. DIR. IIodg-
sons Errors in English.
The advice Of an old farmer to his sons is
worth repeating Boys, don't you ever
speckalate or wait for something to turn up
you might just as we'll go and set down on a
stone in the middle of medder, with a pail
atwixt you legs and wait for COW to back up
to you to be MIXED
Eggs in this section of the State are now
high, which leads contemporary to truthful
~ observe g hen is the most inconsider-
ate and nnaccouutable creature. Now that.
she can lay eggs worth three cents apiece, she
takes a vacation and refuses to have anything