davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
CALL for Finley & browns 1y Elmo cigars

CITIZENS of West p street are inquirlng
whero the garbage man is as he has not put In
his appearance for some time. II is also said the
TO certain improvements In tho sanitary con-
dition OF the alleys In that noighborhood
should he deign to visit them.
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
ADJUSTMENTS
IoNAL THEATRE.

NATIONAL THEATRE.
CHANGE OF PROGRAMME TONIGHT,
zone ofthe llveliest entertainments ever seen"
-I'oH
The strongest combination that ever appeared
cre."=CFfffr
The best variety performance ever in wash.
lngton -R,ptiJiicdn.
Thus speak three of the leading journals OF
America OF
STANLEY'S ALLIED ATTRACTIONS.
q COMPANIES IN ONE. q.
MINSTRELSY. SPECIALITY. DRAMA.
Each department n distinct entertainment.
stanley's Australian Mlnstrels stanley's Congress
ofspeciallsts. stanleys Dramatic Alliance.
aB-"TATTERSr.g1
A drama depicting Western Life.
Monday, October 2-Kiralfy's Grand Spectacle,
Ihe Black Crook.
EoRDs OPERA HOUSE. soRcERER.
CHAS. E. FoRD'S COMIC OPERA co.
In Gilbert and Sullvans Sparkling OPERA
THE soRcERER,
with all the original stage business and effects as
given In London.
9D-Thls Ia decidedly the best work by those Ia
nous colnbornteurs, the authors Of Pnafore, Pi-
rates and Patience.
First appearance Of the distinguished tenor. Mr..
Philip Brnnson, and the popular baritone
Mr.. Louis Carlberg.
Matinee To-Morrow-The Merry War.
Saturday Nlght-"The Mascotte"
Next weck-Mr. Gus Williams, rs John Mlshler
in zone OF the Finest"
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29

Albin Il. SaiHell and Annie May Allen.
John j. Gibson and Sallie Choseltlne.
Daniel sanborn, OF Alabama, N. ", and Alice
Weaver, OF this city.
James Baylor and Louisa RufIlns.
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29

JOSHUA II. CALLAHAN, of the Secre.
taIys ONCE, Interior Department, to-day re-
ceivod promotion TO the 81 400 class, which
ability
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
Our Line
A YOuur Thief

Of novelties for the fall is larger than over,
Eisoman Bros, clothiers and tailors, corner
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
FINANCIAL,
TO.day,s stock Quotation

The following observations OF the transac.
tions In the financial market to-day, together
WIN opening o., ana closing auotesu9ns, are fnr'
jr,, Co., 1920 street, Washington, ID, O.:
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
Il" "AIderuey Dairy xyapons, y,

Fresh Alderney Butter. churned every morn.
Ing ana delivered In ~ b ''ward" prints, dOc
per ID. Also, cottage cheese, buttermilk and
sweet milk, DC. per at. Cream 15c. per pint.
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29

TWENTY patterns table oilcloth, % cents. A
kaufman, Eleventh street southeast.
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29

LAcEs OF all descriptions; silk ties and
nchus.. A. Kaufman, 12il Eleventh street
southeast,
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29

A S.-TRUSTY WILL BE AT APPOINTED
IA. place Saturday; same time; don't TALL. It
1NoR RENT-FURNISHED HOUSE; LARGE
IL and elegant residence of DR.. j, Ford ThOmp-
son, cor. Mass. ave. and 9th 81, II, W., fronting
Vernon Square; 10 rs large carriage house; llne
yard; rent low to choice tenant, Is, IL. Warner,
Ol6 + ST, n. W. sp2gu
VTANTED-A COMPETENT WHITE Wo-
w man TO do general houseworki good home
guaranteed. Apply ut 1919 llth st. N. W. sp29 3t'
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
TOO LATE TO CLASSIFY.

LY FINE cigar at all retail dealers
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
Friday
Heart Keats 10 Heart.

Ten styles OF mems dress shoes, S1,25. A.
kaufman, Eleventh street southeast.
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
East Washington Advertisements.
F. sTEINLE's CONFECTIONERY,

No. IIO PENNA. AVENUE EAST
ESTA BLISHED 1884, ON CAPITOL HILL.
am filling up my store with the finest French
and American Candles for the Fall, and / Will
always during the Winter keep on hand the best
Candies and Cakes. My Philadelphia Caramels
OF different ilavors are the best In the market.
Ice Cream and Water Ice always on hand. We'd
dings and Parties furnished at short notice.
Please give me q call
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
The Recent Decision OF the FRS
COmPtrOlIer,

as follows; "The minority OF the committee
on teachers, TO whom was referred tho com.
munication from the District Commissioners,
inclosing one to them from Comptroller Law.
renee, relating to tho payroll OF teachers,
respectfully report; The letter from the Com.
missloners communicates Information TO the
board. but does not invite any answer. do
not think the Comptroller's letter can be prop.
orly construed as charging wilful deceit and
Intent to defraud on the part Of those who
have heretofore prepared the payrolls. He
expressly mentions tho printed and pub.
lished rule AZ of this board, which rule
warrants the usage Of which ho complains.
This mention negatives any intention on
his part 10 charge deceit. IL Is truo he
uses the term 'falsincatlon,' which, in
ordinary language, is frequently used IN q bad
sense. But he used II as n lawyer writing
about legal matter. In legal usage "false
Imprisonment Is unauthorized imprison-
ment; false judgment is one without authority,
and false representation must also be
fraudulent TO mako It criminal. l think there
Is no good reason why this board should ex-
press any opinion whatever on tho legal deci.
sion OF the Comptroller, and many reasons
why II should not. l recommend, therefore,
that tho whole matter, including Mr.. Love
Joys proposed answer, be postponed inde1-
nitely." The minority report was rejected, and
the majority report comprised In the letter OF
Mr.. Loye1oy, which has already appeared In
these columne, was adopted, after which tho
board adjourned,
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
Washington stock Exchange.

The following aro tho closing quotations of
the Washington Stock Exchange to-day:
N, n AoE ~ m I.y 1 SoIs "a
The Evening critic., 1882-09-29
SEASON OF 1928.
KEEP WA

The most complete and largest stock of STOVES
and PA RLoR HEATERS In East Washington.
Houseturnishing Goods and Tlnwarc nt Cheapest
nj. Ii. FLYNN, G6a Penna. Ave. s.E.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
They Didn't Sell Stoves.

Four or five days ago L woman with
an undecided look on her face entered
a hardware store, threaded her way
for sixty feet among coal stoves of
every pattern, and timidly inquired:
DO you keep stoves here: ?
"Yes'm."
Coal stoves ?"
''Yes'm."
She said she had been thinking of
getting coal stove for the Winter,
and the clerk took her in hand. He
showed her how the doors worked and
how the dampers were arranged and
the iues situated and he talked of
double drafts, great savings, increased
cheellullness, reduction in price, and
all that. and she said she'd think it
over and drop in again.
In about three days the woman re-
appeared and inquired of the very same
clerk if they sold coal stoves. He re-
piled that they did sell one now and
then. and cleared his throat and began
. the usual thirty minute lecture on base
burners. The beautiful nickel plate,
the place for the tea kettle, the orna-
mental legs, the anti-clinker shaker
all points were touched upon and
explained; and the woman said she
wouldn't take one along under her arm
Just then, but would call again.
/ She called again that same week,
heard the same lecture from the same
clerk. and started for the bank to draw
the money to pay for the base burner.
That was the last seen of her for a
week. Then she walked softly in and
innocently inquired:
Il suppose you keep coal stOves?"
NO, ma'am."
Mot any kind?"
Not one. We used to, but went
out of the business a year agO."
There were twenty coal stoves on
the floor, but if shesaw them she didn't
let on. She heaved a sigh Of disap-
pOintment. glanced around her and
went slowly out, with the remark:
"WeH, 1 don't know as want tC
buy one, but thought it wouldn't dc
any hahn to look at some of the --latest
/ makes" t1-43 La az e
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

1t would not be safe for the Repuh-
licans to permit the next session q
Congress to pass without important re-
ductiOns in taxation and in eXpendi-
lures. Wide differences of opinion
exist, it is true. as to the kind Ofreduc-
ton that should be made. But there
can be no question that the refusal o.
Congress to make any reductions in
the taxes at the last session caused
much public indignation, contributed
largely to the defeat of many Congress
men and rendered many thousand
Republicans more willing to rebuke
Executive misconduct by defeating
their party.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
SMYRNA DEL WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON NOVEMBER

subjects are almost as important. The
trouble l have always found is that
Americans are not quite broad enough.
They see harm where none is intended
or thought of, and am obliged to ex-
ercise the greatest precaution to keep
the pictures at a certain standard.
Both German and French caricaturists
exercise their imaginative faculties in
a way that would call out unqualified
condemnation here. If in the course
of drawing a picture they have an
opportunity of Introducing a female
figure, they throw in one with volup-
tuous curves and attractive pose, and
the revelation of well-turned leg de
tracts nothing from her attractiveness.
The French and German public see
nothing censurable in that, but if it is
tried here All awful hue and cry is
raised
How do you catch the portraits OF
public men p
1T is not done by intuition. We
have all the photographs that we can
gather of celebrities and every year ]
go 10 Albany and Washington and
spend several weeks in making careful
sketches of public men. To a practiccC
eye every man suggests some animal
David Davis, for instances, irresistibly
suggests the elephant 1t is one of tn,
rare old principles of the craft tina
Grant must always smoke and JET
Davis wear hoopskirts. Beecher i
made by scattering some long hair owe
very red face with thick lips an
beefy chin"
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
WHOLE NO. 1923.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.

Garlic will cure malaria, but the
trouble is that nothing under the sun
will cure garlic.
Thanksgiving turkey-storic, are now
on the wing.-Erchdnge Y, AMI
some Of them are pretty tough.
Hannibal Hamlin will soon leave
Spain to spend the Winter in Maiac.
He is terribly homesick for good old
fashioned New England ,hvcr.
Ancient Greece was the centre Of the
worlds progress in art, literature.
science and commerce. The queen Of
modern Greece carries a lapdog.
DR.. Hall says: The hcalthiestp-
sons are those who sleep in the top
story" 80 the hotel clerk, instead ii
being a iend, is really philau,A.o-
piss.
Whenever a Chicago congregation
gets w.thoUta preacher they yhavc;o SEMI
East for new one. Preachers caA
live in Chicago. but they don't grow
there.
\ Gcoegia man has 4 team Of alii.4-
tors which 20 very fas', yet never luu
over anybody, Ii any one gets il The
road the alligators merely open lhv.,
jaws and trot right on.
Democratic editor to assistant: stop
that article. Don't write another line
about civil-service reform, party a-,e~--
ments and spoil>. Great Scott, man,
we may be in full power in 1854.
When man talks of his superiority 70
woman ask him to find the pocket III a
dress. .'-B9$toa Post. Or ask him 10
find anything in his own pocket. after
his wife has looked them over in the
morning,
} A foreign writer NOTICES that Amer
] leans as race have well-dcyc.opcd
;. noses This may be accounted .oc
{ from the fact that in all large American
/, cities the noses Of residents get yd
II deal OF exercise.
0 How to treat woman, is the tie
i Of an unnecessary article in an tX-
0 change. Every man knows how -
g treat woman. If she is u sweetheart,
* treat her to icerream; if a wi.e, trva;
e her to 4 new bonnet.
!. Once I was critical and the actors
= were 50 mad they would not speak to
me" said New York dramatic man.
!. Il 50 I changed my tactics and puiivd
= them all. Now they are 50 pulled up
II they won't speak to me.
\ Kentucky belle always carries heg
IT, money in her stocking when she goe-
,! shopping This might seem an awk
y warl place for small change, but it j:
'y not. She wears low shoes and JUS
IN slips the coins out of the hole in tho
&c heel
is The shooting Of Colonel stayback il
nd St. Louis has made his family richer i!
.ct $4,000. Ii he had been killed on ;
at railroad they could NOT have got ovc
Y $4,000 Moral: Between a railroa,
at collision and u fight with an edito
at. choose the latter.
en-,
it Why do all you Americans sa.
ID "deepo" for station.-English Tourist
ate We don't. Some of us say deppC
ve- others say daypo, and a few other
nd depot Now tell US why you English
it men say Ye knaw every six word
at when you know We don't know. 70
it know
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
FQU ALITY.

John n Clay, he on'y surviving son
d Henry Clay. lives Oh 4 farm adjoin-
ing the Ashland estate, which was his
fathers home. near Lexington, KY.
bat from 1864 until few days ago he
never put foot on the ground. This
was because the property was sold by
some of the Clay heirs to the state, an
act which he did not approve; but now
it Is owned by Major Henry Clay Nc
Dowell. and Is used as hurse-breeiing
farm,
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

The overflow of the Mississippi,
which caused so much devastation last
Summer in Louisiana, apparently was
not an unmixed evil. The sugar and
cotton crops planted Immediately after
the waters receded now promise a
greater yield than has been known for
years. With aid from the Government
while the food was at its height, and
remarkable crops after it has disappear
ed, those inhabitants of the low lands
who have escaped malaria probably
look upon the overflow as a blessing in
disguise.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
Josh Billings Guide to Health,

Nci,r run into debt, not if yu kan
find enything else tn run intu.
Be honest if yu kan, if yu kant be .
honest pra for help.
Marry yung, and if yu make hit,
keep cool and don't brag about it.
Be kind to yure mother-in-law, and
if necessary, pay for her board at sum
good hotel.
Bathe thoroly once a week in soft
water and kasteel sope, and avoid tite
| boots.
Exercise in open air, but don't saw
wood until yu are obliged tn.
Laff evry time yu feel tickled. and
laff once in a while enyhow.
Eat hash washing days, and b thank
phull. if yu have tu shut yure eyes tu
du it.
Hold the baby haif the time, and
allwuss start the fire in the mornings
and put on the tea kittle.
Don't jaw back-it only proves that
yu are as big a phOol as the other
phello.
Never borrow what yu are able tn
buy, and always have sum things that
yu won't lend.
Never get in a hurry you Kan
walk good deal further in day than
! you kan run.
Don't sware; it may convince yu,
but it il sure not TO convince others.
If yu have daughters, let yure wife
bring them up, if she has got common
: sense, she kan beat all yure theorys
;, Don't drink too much nu slider, and
however mean yu may be, don't abuzt
: kow.
Luv and respekt yure wife emmy
> how; it iz good deal cheaper than Il
be all the time wishing she was som,
how different.
Don't fool with spiritualism it i
, like being a moderate drinker, sure t
beat yu at last.
- Don't have emmy rules for long lif
lIldl ' u NOl I bt plN pdlNu ~
:! day to die tomorrow, IL the best cree
- for long life kno of.
Keep yure he'd cool and yure fe,
" dri, and breathe thru yure noze I
- much az yu kan.
- Don't br u klown if vi ken help
- - people don't rcspckt emmy thing muc
-, ~ that they kan only lafr at.
- If yu kant get haff loaf take
~ whole one, whole loaf iz better th;
no bread.
," " Don't miss any phun, not if you h.
% to go ten miles out of yure way to fiji
:. it.
:" ~ Don't keep but one dog, there IL
~ man but man pauper able 10 ke
three.
NoTE.-Bi trieing to follow I
- abuv guide to health and happiness I
= Billings family has bekum what it
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
AT
WANAMAKER'S

Visitors to Philadelphia are
invited to visit the store,
whether to see or to buy.
Your parcels are checked; a
waiting room is provided,
where you may rest with
ladies and children; guides
conduct you through the
house, or you wander at will;
there are many things OF
interest to see, and a vel
come.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

The Greenbackers will have single
REPRESENTATIVE in the FUrty-eighth
Congress, in the person OF Hon. Charles
\. Brumm, of the thirteenth district of
Pennsylvania. In h. present Con-
.rrss there are nine GrcelbIck, r.
The New York Tribune regards the
sweeping of the grtenback organization
nearly oui OF existence rs one of the
. oil effects OF the Democratic tidal
wave.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

DID SHE DIE?-"No; she fingered
and suffered along. piming awGy all the
time, for years, the doctors doing her
no good aud at last was cured by this
Hop BiIteTs the papers say 30 much
about. Indeed indeed how thank
ful we should be for that medicine.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
THE REASON.

Why do love you if do!
Tell me that and I'll tell you.
'Tis not that you are more fair
Than other ladies whom know.
For the Summer Of your hair
Or the lights that come and 9"
In your radiant. startled eye>.
Apprehensive Of surprise;
Nothing in your bright yonug face.
Which is comely, SUPPOSE;
No elusive charm or glace;
whatit is Heaven orly knows
l might not love you if knew.
For what love might not be You!
R H. Sodidrj
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

The King of Denmark is truly o
paternal monarch. Finding that dur
ing the recent severe weather the royal
foot guards were suffering greatly from
Colds and Coughs, this good old gentle
man ordered a supply of DIR. Bulls
Cough Syrup for them and now the
sentries are happy.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

Progress: Arthur 10 Raoul-" Well,
did yon Kill many partridges?" " Not
one; but still / am very well satisfied
with myself came much nearer than
last Yearl,'
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

MOTHERS SHOULD KNOW IT,-Fretfnl
babies cannot help disturbing every
h0dv. and mothers should know how
soothing ParGer's Ginger Tonic is. 1t
stops babies pains. makes them healthy,
relieves their own anxiety and Is safe
tn nSn -.Ilnrnnl
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

For two years, perhaps, we
have had the richest, largest,
mostvaried andmost exhaus-
tive collection of dress-goods
in Philadelphia. Before that,
we may have had the largest,
and even the most exhaus-
tive, but perhaps not the
richest. The slowest trade
to come to a new merchant
is the trade of luxury. 1t is
the slowest to change from
one to another. But it does
change.
We may say our dress
goods of all sorts are at
about their highest now.
Second and third circles, southeast
from center.
Silks of all sorts have
come; and never were silks
more acceptable. And these
words have a meaning here
beyond any they could have
elsewhere; because of the
greater variety of wants that
look to us for supply. We
must have all accepted styles,
and all the approved quail
ties of those styles; and, as
to colors, can you think OF
one that we can do without?
A store that has only one
class of trade can get along
with comparatively few silks.
Which stock would YOU
rather buy out Of?
Next outer circle south entrance
10 main building.
Two damask towels at IS
and IS cents may serve to
show what we gain by buy
ing of the makers. The very
same towels are in the whole
sale trade in New York al
about 2I and 22 cents, which
means at least IS cents al
retail.
We are not going to say
that all our retail prices are
below New York wholesale
nothing of the sort. Nor
than enc swallow to make
summer" But where sue
towels are to be got for
cents is a good place to loo
for bed and table linen, an
all the other linens. That
what we mean exactly; it
true, too.
Outer circle City hall square entrance.
Avery wide and surPrl
ingly good navy-blue twille
flannel for so cents; 45-lnc
Do YOU remember a 5.
cent flannel for 25 cents,
which we had 1900 yarc
last fall? Afterward we G
1000 yards more Of it; al
a little of it is left yet. Th
is 23-inch. This wide fla
mel is fully as good as that
Third circle. southeast from center.
All the warmer sorts
underwear are ready;
men, women and childrt
thick-cotton, merinO, wO
and silk. All the sorts nee
ed for all sorts of peol
with all sorts of notlol
and, for people who want
there is quite a little ,
. about underwear to be pl
edup atthe counter, VIII
So else would you look for
Not in books surely;
goods are changing all
time; and SO get ahead
books.
w. West of Arcade. 1918 Chestnut;
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

Everybody is using, and everybody
is recommending to everybOdy's friends,
Browns Iron Bitters as reliable iron
medicine, true tonic.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

Twenty-Five sons of Nova Scotia
farmers. tired of humdrum agriculture
and desirous of adventure, made a con-
tract to 90 to Mexico to work in
silver mine. They were promised
good pay, comfortable board, and all
the known safeguards against accidents
in the mine. After horseback journey
of 325 miles from FL Paso, in which
they were menaced all the way by
Indians, they arrived at Cusihuatchie,
mining village which failed utterly
to satisfy the promises. The board
consisted of wretched fare in roOfiess
adobe pens, and the mine was so dan
gerous that the natives would not
work in it. The shaft was 600 feet
deep, and the descent had to be made
on a Mexican ladder, which is merely
a notched pole, or in the bullock skins
in which the quartz was raised by
ropes. The Nova Scotians refused to
work, and were imprisoned for break
ing their contract. Then they escaped
and started across the plains on foot
hut were overtaken by military com
pany, and two were killed. At the
end of a year and a half of hardships
they have been released, and are nov
on their way home,
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
ToHN WANAMAKFR,

PHILADV' '.-'
Chestnut, Thirteenth. Market 49,
=. accessible hy hrTse cars ROM
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
CARPETS AND 0lLCLOTHS.

Sampcfro
Carpets Tapestry,
r,rrets Rugs. Borders Bindings, hread.
Oico" York Carpets made desired
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
GROCERIES and PROVISIONS.

Lava Maracaibo, Rio and Mixed Cohees.
Spices MOases and all other Staple Goods
Goods Extracts Starche Baking Powders, Chocolates
Canned Meats, Poultry Fish, Vegetables and Fruits.
Mackerel. Hams Beef Lard Crackers, Cakes.
N Soda Powder Shot Tobacco Cigars Buings
Lard Tanners Oil. Lnseed Oil, Neatsfoot Oil.
Ba5 Field and Garden Seeds, Seeds
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
DRY GOODS and NOTIONS.

Cnghams. SWiSces Fgues, NanOOks, PerCales
Cassimeres and Linens Children
Muslin. CreOnn Linens Skting Flannels
s Cheviots Cotonade Table Linens. Towels Napkins
Hosiery, Buttons IAces Sewing Silks. Braids Webs
C0sF"' Ladies' and Childrens Gauze Underwear.
SMspenders. kerches. Umhrellas
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

Garlic will cure malaria, hut the
trouble is that nothing under the sun
will cure garlic.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

- nopessInIe " '777'77 NJ
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22
BOOKS AND STATIONERY.

and Miscellaneous Books Youth and Older People
Books, Albums, Frames. School Books
Stationery
Diam Envelopes. Pencils
BlocksF Mortgages, Deeds
Cola Holders, together
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

The shooting Of Colonel stayback in
St. Louis has made his family richer hy
$4,000. Ii he had been killed on =
railroad they could NOT have got over
$4,000. Moral: Between a railroad
collision and i fight with an editor
choose the latter.
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

Why do all you Americans say
" deepo" for station.-Enqlish Tourist.
We don't. Some of us say deppo,
others say daypo, and a few others
depot. Now tell US why you English
men say Ye knaw every six words.
when You know We don't know. you
Smyrna times., 1882-11-22

\ Kentucky belle always carries her
money in her stocking when she goes
shopping This might seem an awk-
warI place for small change, but it is
not. She wears low shoes and just
slips the coins out Of tie hole in the
heel.