Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-09-08
F. U N


THE STEER AND THE RAILROAD TRAIN.
"A Wyoming man saw a Texas steer
standing on the railroad track, and know
Ing that the express train was due, tried
to induce the beast to move. Several
pieces of board thrown at the ferocious
monster failed to move it, until at last, as
the train rushed down the track at light
ming speed, he seized the steer by the tail
and twisted it like wet towel. At this
moment the train struck them both, and
the result was stupendous. The steer was
found two days afterwa,d browsing peace
fully in a cornield, with two driving
wheels hung on its horns. No trace of
either the man or the engine has been
heard of since.
THAT UMBRELLA.-During the shower
yesterday citizen carrying very wet
umbrella entered hotel to Fay call to
some one up stairs. After placing his um-
brella where it might drain he wrote upon
a piece of paper and pinned to it the SEN
tence:
IN. B.-This umbrella belongs to man
who strikes 250-pound blow-back in Is
minutes.
He went his way up stairs, and after an
of fifteen minutes returned to find
his umbrella gone and in it's place note
reading ....
''P. S.-Umbrella taken by man who
walks ten miles an hour-won't be back at
all.''
A STIFF ONE.-An editor going away
left his paper in charge of minister. Dur
ing his stay in the sanctum, the following
letter came from mountain subscriber:
"You know very well paid my subscrlp-
tion the last time was in Lexington. If
I get any morse such letters from you az
the one received last week will 60 down
to Lexington and maui hell out of you!"-
The minister answered.: Il have been
trying to maui that thing out of the edi-
tor, and if you will come down and maui
it out of him then my dear sir L have
twenty members of my church 1 will also
get you to operate on"
While the Chairman was engaged in
making mp the committee on credentials
at the Lynchburg Coalition convention
one Of the colored delegates detected an
outsider upon the floor of the convention
urging the claims of his fayorite condi-
didate. He jumped up and yelled OUT
"Mr. Chairman,-I see lobster on dis
floor; if any clustering is to be done here
wants to lobster some too" The so-called
lobster rapidly crawled out backwards,
and the country brother took his seat with
Q quiet smile of satisfaction on his face.
Johnny wanted to 60 the circus, and his
fathel said. "Johnny, I'd rather you'd 20
to school and study, may be you'll be Pres
ident some day." Said Johnny: Father.
there's about million boys in the United
States lis mt there? ''Y es. "''And every one
of them stands chance of becoming Pres
iden?" Eyes" "Well, dad, IL sell out my
chance for circus Ticket
A TWo.SIDED CoNUNDRUM.-Said
''What vegetable growth would you name
if your feller' was to ask you to run away
with him:
Second girl-"Let-tuce -
First girl-"You have missed it-Cant-
aloupe.'
.sWhat Ails this Heart of Mine?o is the
head of story that is going the rounds of
the papers. We suppose he saw his girl out
~, h,, foll
ing that makes the heart get up and pound
ribs and carom on the other vital parts,
and jump up and down like churn-das
or, and then get tired and keep So still you
think it has stopped beating forever as to
see your girl out riding with another fellow
we are tOld.-Peck's San.
When yung lady asked to look at
parasol the clerk said: "Will you lease
give the shade you want?" II expect che
parasoI to give the shade 1 want" sad
the young lady.
do you own this fence?" savagely in
quired farmer of a tramp who was hang
ing over the structure. mo, L don It own
it," grinned the nomad, 'but I've got a
lean on it,
John asks: what is eternity?" Did you
ever write letter to your girl, John? Well.
eternity is waiting for her to answer It,
Salem Sun beam.
It was a Detroit girl who wanted to
marry at fifteen, so as to have her golden
wedding hurry up the faster.
One baby with three teeth will cause
more commotion than a dozen children
with mouths full of grinders.