St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-10-20
Squibs.

There is man in England that
gained over fifty pounds in one week.
He bet on the winning horse Yonk-
crs Statesman.
The time wasted by men in feeling
in the wrong pocket would make the
next generation rich if they had it
Detroit Free Press.
Unfortunate If the jury had not
disagreed Mr.. Dorsey might have be
come secretary of the interior-of the
Albany penitentiary.-I Chicago Times.
st. Louis has at last got the bulge on
Chicago. She has developed bedbug
two inches longer than the largest ever
seen in the lake city Somerville
Journal.
1t was Chaucer that appropriately
said, ''there is nothing new but what
has once been old" Chaucer evident
ly knew hash when he saw it IOnk
ers Statesman.
James and Henry go fishing and
agree to divide. James has two nib
bles and bite from dog and Henry
gets two duckings and loses twelve
shilling hat. What is the share of
each ?
The ear thinks he is very brave be
cause he drives about openly with his
wife. Why, there are men in America
who are not afraid to drive about open
ly with some one else's wife. Phila
delphia News.
In particular field are ninety seven
water-melons, and it is softly ap-
preached by five cOlOred men in search
of wOOdchuck. How many times
does ninety-scven go into five = De
troit Free Press.
The government may not get any
thing from the star route thieves but
there is Il satisfaction in knowing that
the lawyers will make them poor if
| they keep them out of prison. New
Orleans Picayune.
a man sent one dollar i'll response to
an advertisement which promised i'll "A
mysterious way, to tell ''Why | became
Mason" He received an answer,
because ! didn't want to become IA
carpenter or a shoemaker"
Ex-Cadet Whitaker has deserted
the republican party and joined the
democratic. He has, however, disqual
| flied himself for full membership in the
latter organization by cutting down
his ears Boston Advertiser.
"Where's the molasscs, Bill ?" said
Il woman sharply to her son, who had
returned with an empty jug. "None
in the city, mother. Every grocer has
a big black board outside, with the
letters chalked on it, N. o. molasses.'" '"
''Do you like candy, ma ?" asked ii
little Austin boy of his mother. "No,
my son, it makes me deathly sick"
YOu are the kind of woman can
trust to hold my candy for me until
Pm done playing" Texas Siftings.
"There is nothing like settling
down." said the retired merchant con
lidentially to his neighbor. "When
gave up business settled down and
found had quite ii comfortable fortune.
If had settled up should not have
had cent"
A woman accidentally went to church
with two bonnets on her head-One
stuck inside the other-and the other
women in the congregation almost
died with envy. They thought it was
Il new kind of bonnet and too sweet
for anything.
Health journals are now asserting
that to maintain sound constitution
YOU should lie only on the right side.
The health journals may mean well
enough but what are yOu going to do
if yon are editing IA democratic paper
T. Laramie Boomerang.
stranger called at forty eight diff
ferent houses in Cleveland and asked
SIS the boss at home ?" There was no
man at home in any one instance, and
yet forty seven of the women prompt
ly replied, .'Yes, sir E; what do you
want Y"-[ Detroit Free Press.
The closing sentence of Rev. New
man Smyth's first sermon as pastor at
New Haven was the Scripture passage,
Arise, let us go hence" The report
er of one of the local papers, whose re-
ligious education seems to have been
neglected, rendered the words, ''Amen,
let us go home"
"Grandpa, does hens make their own
eggs ~ Eyes, indeed they do, John
ME" AN do they always put the
yoke in the middle p Guess they do,
Johnny" can do they put the starch
around it to keep the yeller from rub
bing OFF," "Quite likely, my little
boy" "An' who sews the cover on P'
This stumped the old gentleman.
"Pa," said the inquisitive small boy,
"what do they mean by unanimous y
| Unanimous, my son, unanimOus-ah
why. when all the men want the
, same thing, that's unanimous "Poli-
ticians is all unanimous, amt they,
pa p ''NO, my son; not by jug-full." "
"Well, | don't see why, cause they all
= wants Office, any how."-lTexan
Oddities.