River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-07-13

The Sundays cool angel must be al
ice angel.
Straw hats show which way the WIND
blows.
1t is the poll-light candidate who does
not run well
1t is a wise railroad stock tina. knows
its own par.
Everybody admires the common
cents of rich fool.
When you cut friend, you bias his
mind-against you.
With many, running in debt is then
owed to success.
1t takes n-edged man to cut his
way through the world.
The bride is led to altar, but she
draws the groom thither all the same.
Every girl who expects to keep up
with the times should wear clocks on
her stockings.
OF course man that's dead broke
can't be any broker, can he?
Always walk in the paths of the vir-
tuous-but please don't tread on our
sore heel.
1t is useless for the temperance agita
tors to pass resolutions so long as the
printers have to set 'em up.
1t is asserted by the expert of the
New Orleans Picdyu1e that the gold
miner gets his beer by the quartz.
A young married man whose house
rent is paid by his mother in-law alludes
to her as his darling payment.
A wag suggested that suitable open
ing for many choirs would be, "Lord
have mercy on us miserable singers.
"We're in pickle now" said man
in crowd. "a regular JAM" said
another. Heaven preserve us, moan
ed an old woman.
Definition of Mississippi rife-s
pop bottle, loaded with Robinson coun.
ty, wadded with cork, an0 is gener.
ally fatal at two and half PAGES.
Nothing makes woman crazier than
to plant mignonette and, when it comes
up, to ascertain that the seedman put
cabbage seed into the wrong envelope.
Booths success in London is attrib-
uted to "declamation;" no matter what
1t is due to go long as the success sue
ceeds.
The report that John L. Raymond,
the actor, was injured in the New Jer-
sey railroad disaster turns out mis-
take. He was not on the Inflated train.
At Newport, r. l., Francis r. New
bold, of New York, married Miss Maud
Ledyard, granddaughter of General
Lewis Cass, a wonderful beauty. The
presents were unusually numerous and
costly.
Henry Coop has been shot by a
prominent citizen of St. Louis. 1t is
generally the contents and not the Hen
Coop that the prom. cit. of st. Louis is
after.
A scientist says that the nose is a
faithful index of the character. In
that case fellow who had had his pro-
boscis smashed ought to recover against
his assailant in libel suit.
some men habitually treat the wives
of other men with greater courtesy
than they do their own. But then,
you see, they don't have to provide
other mems wives with new spring bon
nets.
A new style of door mat has Just
been devised for editorial sanctums
1t bears the woven inscription, "Come
again" and is intended to lie outside
OF the door. P. S. The editor lies in
side.)
Why is it that man could not live
pleasantly if Gagged with lot of ami.
mails? Because he would have beast
ly time.-PhiIa. Item. Gagged with a
lot of wild Texas steers he would have
bully time.
The managers of the veteran soldiers
reunion, to be held at Topeka, Kan,
September IL to 20, during the state
fair, have received positive assurances
that James G. Blaine would attend and
address the veterans.
U. S. Grant, Jr., has obtained an at
tachment against all the property Of
Henry III. Honore in the state of New
York, to enforce the settlement of q
claim of "a 800. Mr.. Honore's daugh-
ter is young Grants sister in-law. being
the wife of Fred Grant.
A city chap told a country cousin on
| meeting her. that she Cooked as fresh
as daisy kissed by dew" She replied,
blushingly, "that wasn't his name, ii
was Bill Jones, and / told him every
body would find it out"
In certain street ere three tailors.
The first to set up his shop hung out
his sign: "Here is the best tailor in
town." The next put up: "Here is the
best tailor in the world" The third
simply had this: "Here is the best tail
or in this street.
A Montana vigilance committee
postponed lynching matinee for two
hours in order to allow the victim to
shake in rattle in which he held a
chance Thus doth the spirit of chris
tan magnanimity crop out even in the
| rough and uncouth wilds of the west
What this country wants is galvan-
ic photograph that can be set along
side the cradle and noiselessly absorb
the midnight quarrels of colic-strick-
en- infant, SO that the parents will not
| hear the noise. The compressed lung
force can then be let out on backyard
cats and book-agents who call next
day.