Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1882-01-12
A Modern Primer.

See the Lamp-Post. BY its Dim Rays
you can Behold the Electric Light across
the Street. There is Lamp-Post. Per-
haps the Lamp-Post would Fall If it
Were not For the Man. At any Rate,
the Man would Fall if it Were not for
the Lamp-Post. What is the Matter
with the Man? He appears Disquieted.
He is trying to Work his Boots up
Through his Mouth. He will have
Headache tomorrow and Lay it to the
Climate.
The Girl is scratching her Back
against the Door. She has Been eat
ing Buckwheat Cakes. Her Beau thinks
she is Delicate, but he has Never seen
her Tackle Plate of Hot Cakes on
Frosty Morning. Cakes had better
roost High when she is Around. If we
Were the Girl we would wear Sand
Paper lining in the Dress, and not be
Making Hair-Brush out of the poor
Door.
Here we Have q Baby. 1t is compos-
ed of Bald Head and pair of Lungs.
One of the Lungs takes Rest while
the Other runs the Shop. One of them
is always On Deck all of the Time. The
Baby is Bigger man than his Mother.
He likes to Walk around with his Father
at Night. The Father does most OF the
Walking and all of the Swearing. Lit
tie Girls, you will Never Know what
it is to Be Father.
w.
The Peach is Hard and Green. He is
Waiting for Child to Come along and
Eat him. When he Gets into the
Childs' little Stomach he will Make
things Hot for that Child. The Child
Who eats the Peach will be an Angel
before he Gets a chance to eat another.
If there were No green Peaches there
would not be SO many Children's Sizes
of Gold Harps in Heaven.
V.
Behold the Printer. He is Hunting
for Pickup of half Line. He has
Been hunting for Two Hours. He could
have Set the half Line in Twenty Sec
onds, but it is a Matter of Principle with
Him never to Set what he Can pick up.
The Printer has Hard time. He has
to set type all night and Play pedro for
the Beer all Day. We would like to
Be Printer were it not for the Night
Work.
vi.
This is the Man who has had Notice
in the Paper. He is stepping Higher
than Blind Horse. If he had Wings
he would Fly. Next week the Paper
will say the Manis Measly Old Fraud
and the Man will not Step so High.
VII.
The sorry Spectacle is a Plumber
He is ragged and Cold and Hungry
He is Very. very Poor. When you See
Him Next Spring he Will be Very, very
rich, wear Diamonds and Broadcloth
His Wife takes in Washing now bu
She will be able to Move in the Firs
Circles by the Time the Weather turns
Warmer and the Pansies Bloom again
VIII.
Here is Castle. 1t is the Home O
an Editor. 1t has Stained Glass Win
dows and Mahogany stairways. Ii
front of the Castle is Park. Is it no
sweetp The lady in the Park is theedit
or's wife. She wears Costly robe o
Velvet trimmed with Gold Lace, an(
there are Pearls and Rubies in her hair
The editor sits ON the front stoop smok
ing a Havana Cigar. His little Child
rem are playing with diamond Marble
on the Tesselated Floor. The sedito
can afford to Live in Style. He get
Seventy-Five Dollars a month Wages
Here we Have Piece of Chewin,
Gum. 1t is White and Sweet. Chev
it awhile and Stick it on the Unde
Side of the Mantel Piece. The Hire
girl will find it There and Chew
awhile Herself, and then Put it Back
In this way one Piece of Gum will Ans
wer for Whole Family. When tn
Gum is no Good, Put it in the Rockin
Chair for the Minister or your Sister
Beau to sit Upon.-Dencer tribune.
fIlouar 0rour