West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-05-12
ssReaD GRINS.


fbe eah'o reports the KILN, Of
fTenchmau IA duel. This Is incredible
but the weapon may have been loaded toy
mistake.
a kingwood mao has wife of such
| choDgesble disposition that he says be
loves her some days enough 10 eat her up,
and the next day wishes to gracious he
had.
crusty Old bachel r says that the DIFF
Terence between 4 self made man and a
self made woman is, ten old papers, four
hair switches, ninely.eight hairplns, and
pretty little box labeled face powder.
81 am afraid, dear wife, that while am
gone, absence will corquer love" "Oh,
never fear, dear husband-the longer you
I stay away the better / shall like you"
The --latest man is on Western paper
lie spells photograph "4tograph." There
have been only three worse than he. One
lived out in Kansas aud dated his letters
"llworth y another spelled Tennessee
"iOac;" and the other wrote Wyandotte
"Y&.p
An lrishman took Yankee friend 10
church with him on Christmas Day. TIE
music was magnificent, and tho decora-
lions gorgeous. On their way out of
church he asked the Yankee how he liked
IL. Why, it heats the Old Scratch >"
said the down.easter. That's the intin-
tion," dryly remarked the gentleman from
Tipperary.
a man with silver plated, double
back-action coin-holder, aGYa the Evans-
vile Argus, came into the sanctum, the
other day, and commenced explaining the
beauties Of the article for holding silver
halves, etc, and he had gotten half
through before be found he Was IN print.
ing Office. When he saw his mistake he
went TO the door, sadly opened it, aud
kicked himself clear down stairs.
Nose Schaumburg was caught by rival
in business tearing down the rivals pos.
ter's announcing bargains III Spring goods.
"What do you meen by destroying my
! posters, you scoundrel?" asked the rival,
! threateningly. "Do,'s we're you vos fool
ing YOURSELF replied Nose badly scared.
81 vos so much pleased NIT dot poster !
choost pulled him down to see if there vos
| any more reading matter on the udder side
Patrick saw bull paving ia field, and
thought what fun 1t would be to catch him
by the horns and rub his nose in the dirt.
The idea WAS 80 funny that he laid down
and laughed 10 think Of 1t. The more he
thought of il, the funnier it seemed, and
he determined to do il. Taurus quickly
tossed him over the fence Pat leisurely
picked himself up, with the consola,ory
remark: well, IT'S q mnighty foiu thing
hGi my laush {ons-,
Fogg WAS sitting in the Transcript
cifce the other day, when the door op. n
ed, and ragged and dirty specimen of the
tramp genus entered. He was about to
prefer his rtqaest, when Fogg Interrupted
MIN with, you haven't had any thing to
eat for six months ?" The tramp ackuoHl
| edged as much. "Iou have tried To GET
work, spd nobody will have your" the
tramp nodded acquiesceBcc You were
in the army, OF coursc, and lost the use
of your right hapd?' AGother nod. you
have a wife and ten children at home,
starving for bread? Another nod. and the
tramp essAyed to speak. But Forg check
Cd him, and went on. And all you want
IS ten cents to save them from the grave ?"
''Yes, sir, yes" said tbs tramp eagerly.
Il thought So" murmuIed Fcgg as he
| showed the fellow the door. 'rhe same
old story. was in HOPES you bad some
hing new to tell. You fellows are get
ting terribly weak in inventive power.
II you could only have brought out one
new point, Id have given the dime and
let you have your arink. Henc,"