Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-09-24
ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE

on the back. The two other English
men wore enormous quizzing glasses in
their eyes, and were overbearing in
manner. The Texan said he would
give pound to see them drop into
Dodge City in that rig. "SOme cowboy
would amuse himself by shooting the
glasses from their eyes before they had
been there five minutes he added.
At odd moments this Texan would
he the life of the smoking room.
4 ~ know the three biggest liars in the
world" he said one day.
"Who are they" he was asked.
"Eli Perkins is one" he replied, land
Tom Ochiltree is the other two. | told
this to Eli Perkins himself once, and
within q week he printed it in Chicago
newspaper as his own story"
81 owned about 1900 head of cattle
in Texas about three years ago." said
the Texan at another time, land as my
range was very large thought that if
| could raise some money on the herd
I'd buy some more cattle and increase
the business. So | came to New York
and knocked around Wall street two
weeks before could get anyone to lis
ten to me. AT last through the inter-
ventiOn of a friend, got Morgan, OF
Drexel, Morgan & Co., to hear me talk
for half an hour. / put in my best licks.
told him how much the cattle We're
worth, how they doubled in value every
four years, and by figures made an aver
age yearly profit of SO l-9 per cent. [
described them running wild over the
range and getting fat on the nutritious
grasses. He inquired about fences, and
told him we had none. No fenceS%
be inquired in tone of holy horror,
why, good Lord, young man, I'd as
soon take mortgage on school OF cod
fish off the banks of Newfoundland
Many of the passengers lolled in sea-
chairs on the leeward side Of the deck.
The ladies were swathed in rugs and
were stretched at full length in rows,
like mummies. One day we suddenly
struck the swell of storm. In five
minutes a dozen Of the mummies were
pitched into the lee scuppers, beneath
the life boats. After that the chairs
were tied fast.
Occasionally stiff game of draw
poker is the attraction in the smoking
room. The game results as the game
usually results on shore. Those whodo
the most talking lose the most money.
A silent young man from Michigan did
the scoOping on the Rome. He made
quite a little fortune. The smok-
ing room is closed at midnight. By II
O'Clock the passengers pour In and Or
der their nightcaps. Two clergymen,
we'll known in New York, were usually
the last to leave the smoking room
of the Rome. They drank
their toddy like old veterans, and were
as lively and as full of yarns as New
York politicians. found the smoking
room on the Alaska place of danger.
j was seated on seat at the side. The
cushions were loose. 1t was blowing a
gale outside. The vessel rolled terribly.
Her upper lee scuppers went under the
water. When tilted at her highest, my
cushion slid from the seat. went with
it. Vainly tried to save myself by
planting my feet on the floor. The
floor was waxed so that you could see
your face in it. as started down the
ascent l caught heavy handicapped
table. Its supports were bronze. They
gave way and the marble slab followed
me in q dozen pieces. / seized the
next with like results. In ten seconds
l found myself slammed against the
other side of the ship and partly buried
in the debris of marble and brass. L
caught the edge of the seat and chung
like a magnet. The mass of brass and
marble was dashed to the opposite side
of the vessel. Before il could return on
the next lurch / gained my feet and
Frustrated myself on seat running
across the cabin. 1t was q narrow es-
cape. II either of the tables had struck
me on the head the result must have
proved fatal. 1t took the crew at least
ten minutes to capture the broken
pieces.
A South Side man calls his wife Crys-
tai, because she is Away on the watch.