davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
starting /. Paner On Cheek.

During the past year several individ-
uals publishing obscure and we'll nigh
worthless sheets, and others designing
to start such, have written to persons of
note in the editorial fraternity, soliciting
free contributions. In response to such
an application the following reply was
sent by "Bm Nye :"
"Your favor of the 7th inst, is re-
ceived. It was q glad surprise to me,
because Ihad been asked to contribute a
facetious article to a paper only 256 times
since the holiday annual business began
to boom. I have estimated that In case
I had complied with all these sugges-
tons I would have written 5000 worth
of gurgting mirth within four weeks.
I could not have worried through it
without having ground out at least ten
columns per day. When you come to
add my other duties you will readily see
that the exercise would at times be irk-
some. I am the managing editor of q
daily paper that requires at least eight
hours q day. I am also q Police Justice,
with an average of five plain, undeco-
rated DRINKS and two assault and bat
teries per day. I Am also United States
| Commissioner, and member of the YES
try of st. Matthews Church.
"Rg the time I get up and cook my
breakfast and do the Homework and
bring in some coal and do some market
ing and feed the hens and deal out
S11. 90 worth of justice and write q leade,
or two and read a few proofs and do the
chores around the Office and lick a few
total strangers and get my dinner and
attend a vestry meeting and write ten OF
twelve columns of side-splitting mirtt
on the half-sheet and go home and hole
the baby a couple of hours, breakfast Ii
ready, and I don't have to go to bed a
all. This saves the wear and tear of
night shirt and keeps a man out OF mis-
chief.
"H you think this letter will throw
any light on the subject you are a
liberty to use it. 1t may do great dea
Of good. BILL NYE."
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
results with the least amount of labor
American GuLtirntor.
HOUSEHOLD ELP
From the Detroit Free Pres. "~HOu.ehold.u1

From the Detroit Free Press "Household.ul
HARRISON PUDpNa.-Four cups flour,
two-thirds cup melted butter, one cup
molasses, n cup ~raisins. one cup milk.
one teaspoonful soda. Steam three hours;
eat with hard sauce.
LEMON Observation-Disclosures the juice
of a lemon to taste, and put it into tine
dish it is to be served in. Mix white of
an egg, beaten with a pint of rich cream
and a little sugar. Whisk it, and as the
froth rises put it on the lemon juice.
Do it the day before it is to be used.
TOMATO ToAsT.-Run a quart of stewed
ripe tomatoes through a colander, place
in a porcelain stew pan, season with but
ter, pepper and salt to taste cut slices
of bread thin, brown on both sides, but
ter and lay on a platter, and when ready
to serve add a pint of good sweet cream
to the stewed tomatoes and pour over
the toast.
TOMATO SoUP.-To one quart of water
add eight large tomatoes, cut them in
small pieces. boil for twenty minutes.
then put in a half a teaspoonful of soda,
let it boil a few minutes more, then add
about a pint of sweet milk; season as
you would oysters j; bread crumbs, sage,
barley or rice may be added. A a Of
tomatoes a be used in the winter sea-
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
RESCUED FR0M pEATR.

the fall of 1876 / was taken with BLEEDING OF THE LUNGS,
followed by a severe cough I lost my appetite and
flesh, and was confined to my bed. In 1877 I was ad-
mitted to the hospital. The doctors said I had a hole in
my lung as big as a half dollar. At one time a report
went around that I was dead. I gave up hope, but a
friend told me of DIR. WILLIAM HALLS BALSAM
FOR H LUNGS. Igot E bottle, when, to my surprise,
1 commenced to feel better, and to-day I feel better than
for three years past. I write this hoping every one af-
ficted with Diseased Lungs will take DR.. WILLIAM
HALLS BALSAM and be convinced that CONSUME
TIoN CAN BE CURED. can positively say it has done
more good than all the other medicines 1 have taken
nee my sickness"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
"ONE cows milk" may be worse than

Gone cows milk" may be worse than
the mixed article, as proven by a case In
which a baby fed on the milk of one cow,
sickened and died of tubercular disease,
the COW itself dying two months later of
tuberculosis. Had the milk of that COW
been mixed with milk obtained from a
dozen others, the child would not have
received daily such large doses of the
diseased milk, and might have lived.
Probably condensed milk is as safe a food
as can be used when there is any doubt
as to the quality of the ordinary milk
served to q family.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

Mrs. LUCY HOOPER writes to Har-
per's Bazaar that there are three classes
Of women in Paris who dress a great deal
the mondaines, the demi-mondaines
and the actresses. The working people
and the wives of the tradesmen have a
certain garb to which they adhere al
ways. The old Catholic nobility wear
the plainest clothing in fact, it is al
most mean. It was first adopted as q
rebuke to the wild extravaganza of the
Second Empire, and continued from eco
nomical and political reasons.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

The st. Louis (Mo.) Post-D Dispatch, at
the close of a long article, says In fact,
st. Jacobs Oil is pushing all other reme-
dies out of the field, and, excellent
though some of the liniments, formerly
offered are, the efficacy of st. Jacobs Oil
is magical in cases of sciatica, rheu-
matism, pleurisy, neuralgia, nervous
headache, lumbago, and core of other
disorders while in the case of sprains,
burns, or injuries it is an absolute pana-
cea, and for general use is better than
the advice of many physicians. ga
word to the wise is sufficient"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
TIE average size of farms in the Unit

THE average size of farms in the Unit
ed Kingdom is seventy acres. In En-
gland only the average is greater than
this, but small holdings in Scotland and
Ireland counterbalance the excess. LII
America the average size is taken as 100
s s;1m. !; F. EraP Seil,s sSi a Co. Raasis' 49, 90. B Res:
tria-Hungary, As Italy, 80 Spain, 25
Portugal, %; Turkey, 80; Greece AID
Switzerland, 15, and Sweden. so acres.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

THE Chicago Hotel World says,
"There is still too much of the q la
business in bills of fare" There is in
deed, and not enough of it in the little
sample dishes that the waiter brings.
Pomme de Terre a la j~ardeniere and
pork and beans a la New Englandienne
may be ever SO fine, but if there is only
a ~teaspoonful of them dabbed onto a lit
tie plate it is a ~vexation of spirit. No
one likes to open his mouth for a camel
and swallow a gnat. It is wrenching as
the Old Harry.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

A PHILADELPHIA man who had been
abroad complains that because he OBJ
jected to paying for candles which he
did not use at an English hotel the land
lord asked him how he managed to get
to bed, and when told that the rays of
the moon shone directly into the apart
ment, Immediately scratched out the
charge for candles and inserted "moon-
light, 1 guinea. -Philadelphia Ne,os.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
NOTICE,
Taking Care of the Cedars.

The cedars of Lebanon are now in
closed by a heavy wall, and the pick
nicking tourists who have been in the
habit of building fires out of their twigs
and against their trunks and distributing
sardine boxes and scraps of paper under
their shades will no longer offend travel
ers who feel a reverence for these relics
of antiquity. It is the most emil ghtened
thing the Turks have done for some time
past, and we have to thank Rustem
Pasha for Ii.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
&c Convalescent %

A country physician Of limited sense
and "limiteder" education, was called
to see Nh. RS little boy, who was quite
i'll. He gave some medicine and left,
promising to call again on the following
morning. When he arrived Mr.. r. met
him. at the gate and informed him that
the child was convalescent.
"Convalescent? ?" said the doctor,
"convalescent? Then if he is that bad
off you'll have to call in some other
physician /; I never treated a case of it in
my life !" And with that he mounted
his horse and departed. -Detroit Free
Pyeso-
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

AWEsrERN actor claims that, while per-
forming as Julius Cesar" he is under
the spirit control of the dead emperor,
and does nothing of his W volition.
He is mistaken, for if great Julius were
directing the actor he would put a head
on Brutus the first time they met.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
. MEDICAL student of good phYsiau,

A MED1oAn student of good physique
and healthy parentage suffered from
shortness Of breath. dry cough, general
weakness and dependency: By, prac.
ticing regularly deep and prolonged
breathing he was releaved of his lung
symptoms. He acquired, by this prac-
tice, a difference of five inches in the
measurement of his chest.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

For dyspepsia, indigesti on, depression of
spirits and general debility, in their various
forms ; also as a preventative against fever and
ague and other Intermittent fevers, the "Ferro-
Phosphorated Elixir of Calisaya," made by
Caswell, Hazard & Co., New York, and sold by
all Druggists, is the best tonic and for patients
recovering from fever or other sickness, it has
no equal.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

As stages are quickly abandoned with the
completion Of railroads, SO the huge, drastic,
cathartic pills, composed of crude and bulky
medicines, are quickly abandoned with the in
PRODUCTION of DR.. Pierce's pleasant Purgative
Pellets" which are sugar-coated, and little
larger than mustard seeds, but composed Of
highly concentrated vegetable extracts. By
druggists.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

The voltaic Belt Co., Marshall, Mich, will
send their Electro-Voltaic Belts and other
Electric Appliances on trial for thirty days to
any person afflicted with Nervous Debility,
Lost Vitality, and kindred troubles, guarantee
ing complete restoration of vigor and manhood.
Address as above without delay.
P. $40 risk is incurred, as thirty days
trial is allowed.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

A
n. holiday presents; square grand pianofortes,four very
handsome round corners, rosewood cases. three untsons.
Beatty's matchless iron frames. stool, book. cover, boxes,
z to S297 so; catalogue prices. $50 TO $1,000
satisfaction guaranteed or money refunded, after one
years use; UprighI Pianofortes, $125 to $255; cata-
logue prices $500 to $500 standard pianofortes Of the uni
verse. as thousands testify write for mammoth list OF tes-
timonials. Beatty's Cabinet cathedral,
church, chapel. parlor, $50 Upward. Visitors wele,,nts
free carriage meets passengers; Illustrated catalogue thou-
day edition. free. Address or call upon
DANIEL, E. WASHINGTON, NEW JERSEY.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
Consumption Cure.

DR. r. v. PIERCE: Dear Sir-Death was
hourly expected by myself and friends. My
physicians pronounced my disease consump-
ton, and said I must die. I began taking your
discovery" and "Pellets." I have used nine
bottles and am wonderfully relieved. I am
now able to ride out. ELIZABETH THORNTON,
M~ontongo, Ark.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

HAVING used DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup in my
family for the last three years, I find it is the
best preparation I have ever used for Coughs
and Colds, giving almost immediate relief.
B. WALKER, Gen1 Com. Merchant,
11S Light St., Baltic, Md.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
A w.,,.Ipovp wiz. Endorsement.

CHICAGO, ILL.,, May 80, 1881.
81. d. WARNER & Co.: Sirs-For several
years I have been o sufferer from kidney dis
ease, and never knew what it was to be free
from pain until I used YOU Safe Kidney and
Liver Cure. G. II. HARMS, "Cdrl Pretzel."
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
On Thirty Days, Trial.

FRAZER AXLE GREASE continues to lead all
competitors, by a large majority. For sale by
all dealers, Ash for it.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

In Wyoming, where woman suffrage
is established, a man and his wife ran
for the same Office but on different tick
cts. The husband was elected.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

The "GoIden HIoona OF hOuth"
May be retained by using DR.. Pierce's Favor
tie Prescription, :" a specific for "female com-
plants" By druggists.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

bipeds. The crab being covered with q hard, i'm
penetrable shell, 1t Is not easy to modest or make
bin afraid; therefore he wages war In his watery.
world increasingly when once attacked. Although
tiny, he cannotbe said to be devoid of understand
ing. having ten legs to assist his locomotion this,
he never turns his back to his enemy, starting
into Q bold run, but, like many politicians during
election time, slips on sideway- There comes q
time 1.-THE life Of this pugnaciousf fellow when the
years bring him more bone and muscle than he
can dispose of with comfort, and he fnds him
self in o very tight place; his shoes pinch him
and he begins to realize the p~racticability Of ap-
plying to Dame Nature for more room or q house
In proportion, to his increasing size. Nature
time provides o new home, 50 that the enter
prising little creature does not wander about
homeless, but Is provided for suitably, as was the
old sailor, who dropped his rheumatism and
crabbednessW when he applied the Great German
Remedy, ST. JACOBS Oh. This last, however,
may sound rather fshy to the skeptical reader,
and to such we would reply in language too plain
TO be misunderstanding words illustrating facts
that even the waves of lime cannot wash away
has rendered the lives and homes of myriads Of
sufferers brighter than ever the electric light can,
which people pause to admire along the way. Still
more happily served than the old sailer was an
invalid, who wrote thus concerning his case:
"cROoKED HAERTEL."
Accept a thousand thanks for that golden
remedy" / suffered for many years with rheu-
matte pain in my limbs. Ny legs were drawn
together, and people called me Crooked Haer-
tel" 1 used ST. JACOBS OIL and was cured, and
now feel so well that / think could dance, as in
my young days. JOHN HAERTEL, Fremont ~
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

K1DNEY-woRr radically cures biliousness,
piles and nervous diseases.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

AN American locomotive engineer re-
sents the statement that English rail-
road trains make faster time than Amer
lean. He says railroad trains make
aore stops in this country and thus lose
time.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23
A GRABBED CREATURE.


on, Bohemian FASH
ion-with all Its
worldly store upon
its back. On the
beach may be
found u crugta-
cean edible the
crab-whose chief
apology for exist
ing at all seems to
to be its ability to
hurnisha delectable
maa1 n fnrtnnafa
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

WoMAN's triumph The discovery Of Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

EsoP's fables were written about
565 B. O.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

Are due AL SOLDIERS wholly or partially dis
Abled BY wounds injuries or disease received or con
traesed in the o. 6. service in line OF duty. Psnsions are
Of lungs, heart or eyes, rupture, varicose veins, total or
partial deafness, etc. widows, Orphan Children, and
are entitled to Increased Rctes. Neglected and Rejected
Claims taken up and collected. For blanks and inform
alton, address b. e WRIGHT. LpIAHLPoLIs, LHD.
Reference, indianapolis ~(IndiAna) National Bank.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-02-23

Q7OAw WEEK. s2 day a. home easily made. Costly
~ ! 2outat free. address THyE 4 Co.. Augusta, Ne
WATcuEc Catalogue nee: Address. Standard
NhtO06O American Watch Co., Pittsburgh, Pa.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-11-15

slightly waXed and polished SO that the
grain can be readily seen. The market
is at Vienna, where the Armenian pro-
ducers have established agencies, and
where the whole world goes to buy.
In marketable shape, m~eerschaum is as
sorted in four sizes. The largest size
has about thirty-ive pieces to the case,
the second averages seventy-five pieces,
the third about ITS pieces, and the fourth
from 800 to 500 pieces. Each size again
is graded in eight or nine qualities. A
popular notion is that meerschaum is
sold by weight. If such was the case
the eight" pounds would be in great
demand. Connoisseurs prefer q block
neither too light nor too heavy. If too
light, the meerschaum is porous and
will absorb too much nicotine. If too
heavy, it will not color well. American
workmen have not yet been found to
successfully manipulate the raw mater
ial. All the workmen employed in the
industry have been brought Owe from
Austria. They earn big wages and are
secretive with their .handicraft.
The process Of manufacturing meer-
schaum pipes requires both skill and
practice. The blocks are first roughly
cut into the shape of a pipe. They are
then dipped into water, and while wet
are turned ON o lathe. The eye is the
only guide to produce evenness and
symmetry. After the lather has com
pleted his work the pipes are rubbed
smooth, 3 reed found in the marshes OF
Hoboken, with o fine velvety surface,
being used as a file. When all the
scratches are renewed and a perfectly
smooth surface is presented, the article
is dipped into hot wax, left a few min
utes there, and then polished with a
rag. Right here is point for smokers.
When purchasing a meerschaum article
| always select one having a yellow tinge.
A yellow shade shows that the meer-
schaum is sufficiently porous to absorb
wax, and therefore it will readily color
from nicotine. a white meerschaum
pipe or cigar holder shows density suna-
cient to resist absorption. The best ar
ticle is not too yellow, but what may be
termed just yellow enough.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-11-15
Cur Holiday Number.

The RIVER Press is perfecting ar
rangements for the issue of an extra
holiday edition, and respectfully invites
articles on any subjects the writers may
choose. It is the intention of the pub
lisherst to make this number equal toany
heretofore issued in the territory, and
with the encouragement already receiv-
ed and assistance promised, believe that
they will succeed. Should any of our
friends feel inclined to communicate,
we trust they will not feel any hesitancy
in doing so, and in this aid i'll 8
work which will be of great benefit tc
the territory at large and Northern Mon
tana particularly.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-11-15
Wolf Creek Matters.

.sohn Moedhurst, one of the fgst set
tiers in Wolf creek valley, has been in
the city a few days past, purchasing sup
plies for his ranch. Mr.. w. discovered
and located the Sir Walter Scott lead
near the head Of Wolf creek, a property
that gives forth abundant promise of
being a valuable one. Three different
shafts have been sunk on the lead to q
depth of from twenty to thirty feet, and
in each place the indications are alike
and very favorable. showing q vein Of
solid pay ore over four feet wide. An
average assay Of the ore runs SIS ia silver
to the ton. DIR. Paris Gibson of this
city has secured an interest In the Sir
Walter Scott, and it is the purpose Of the
owners to put in o force Of men to de-
yelop it this winter.
This lead is ia the Wolf creek district
in which only four locations have been
made as yet. all Of which show up very
favorably. The .Higbey and Pierce, i'll
which Hi Wright IS interested, is q Of
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-11-15
Just Fitted Him.

Up to a year or two ago a certain old
darkey used to do a great deal of hang
ing round a certain Baltimore ware
house says the Wall Street News, occa-
sionally making . dime by doing odd
jobs, but forever begging plug tobacco,
and likewise lamenting the fact that he
couldn't get any with the old-fashioned
taste to it. The clerks finally took a
plug, soaked it in alcohol, wet it down
with cinnamon oil, and then literally
sprinkled it with Cayenne. pepper, and
in three or four days it was handed to
the old man with the remark that it
was @ new brand. He bit off a chew,
and disappeared and it was nearly a
| week before he returned and confiden-
ly inquired:
"Say, boss, do you member dat brand
O. tobacker!n
"Yes.N
did it come in a box?'
"Yes.u
Ibid dey send any %direckshuns
along?"
Directions? What do you mean?"
why direckshuns how to take a
mans regular stomach out an put an
ole iron kettle in de place oh it while
Citing used to de taste oh dat brssd!"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-11-15
Death of Miss Chambers.

The sad news was brought into the
city to-day Of the death Of Miss Mile
Ell. Chambers, who died at the residence
of her uncle, Mr.. D. T. Goodell, on Ten
Mile, at l o'clock this morning, OF tuber-
cular p%eritonitis. The young lady, who
had been in failing health for some time,
came out from. her Illinois home earlyin
the summer, with the strong hope that
the climate of Montana would effect q
cure. She remained a few months with
her brother i'm Benton. but not improv-
ing there, came to Mr.. Goodel's home
about four weeks ago. All tine devoted
attention, however, of loving relatives,
proved u~naIailiag to stay the course OF
the disease, and Miss Mile died this
morning, leaving all who knew and
loved her to mourn her early death.
Sympathy is extended to bereaved rela.
tives aad friends here, and especially to
the fond parents back in Illinois who
have been %anxiously hoping against
hope for the news Of the recovery Of
their scattering daughter .-Heyold, lit
anef
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-11-15
J. r. Bowles Shot.

The RIVER PRESS got of wrong in
bad shape some weeks ago by publishing
to the world that J. +. Bowles had been
hung by cowboys, but we have direct
evidence now for stating that he came
to grief night before last, receiving q
pretty severe wound in the side. It
happened at Johnny Carothers, on Ar
row creek. Bowles was trying to get
into the house against the wishes OF its
mistress, and finding it impossible to
keep him at bay otherwise, she let him
have the contents of a revolver. The
ball struck him in the side just above the
hip, inflicting only a flesh wound, but
quite a painful one. Mr.. Bowles will
doubtless be all right again in g short
time.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-11-15
A Seasonable Discovery.

A Montana newspaper is authority for
the statement that in the Yellowstone
Park there is a gorge in which the hui
man organs Of speech are unable to make
any sound. We have no hesitation in
saying that however this wonderful
gorge may have been needed in its pres
emit location in the days when the noble
savage howled in the Yellowstone Val
ley it is at present a misplaced blessing.
It should be cut up in sections and sent
at ence. A large piece of it might be
left in Ohio to silence the Republican
lying about the results of the recent cleo
ton; and another section might be
switched off somewhere in Pennsylva-
MIA, where a great deal of hypocritical
talk is being imposed, by the clan Cam
eron on an unoffending people; but the
greater portion, after a piece of proper
size has been sent down to Secretary
Folger, should be distributed in appro-
pirate fragments over the State of New
York, where the bulk Of political talk is
Of such a nature that everyone wishes it
might remain unsaid.. We are aware
that to move an entire mountain gorge
from West to East would require some
costly engineering, but there are times
when expense is not to be thought Of
NntW York Herald.