The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-07-01
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Summer board-The circus seat,
A great composer-A dull sermon
Cut and dried-Rallway sandwiches.
Professor--Every tree bears some kind of fruit
Stpdept-What kind does the axletree bear'
The reason why they say ''the gay widow" il
because she mourns her husband only for
second.
A Schenectady Justice of the peace decided
that verbal contract is not good without
SEAL"
1t is impossible to find out how much religion
amar has in his heart by measuring the length
of his tongue.
Doctors and mackerel have this in common
They are seldom caught out OF their own schools
Boston Post
Mike Hogg is the editor of an agricultural pa
per in Kentucky. He nose good deal about
corn.
The late Jesse James attorney SAYS that the
James family are like the Old Guard, they "nev-
er surrender" They'll be hanged If they do.
''Beel is steadily going up" says an exchange
The only way TO stop that is not to allow so
much of it to 80 down.
New York makes fun OF Detroit for painting
her lamp posts green. We like to distinguish
lamp posts from citizens.-Det. FIRE. Press.
The Albany Journal declares that lovely
young rosebud of a cadet at West Point is 1.-THE
owner Of 1870 pair of white duck trousers"
81 have heard every sermon preached in this
church during the last fifty years" said man
Of quiet satire, "and," he added s!yly, "Im a
Christian still"
One ofthe colored pupils at Hampton (Va.)
illustrated the opposite meanings OF PRO" and
icon" by giving as example progress and con-
gress.
doctor" said gentleman to his clergyman,
show can best train my boy in the way he
should go?" "By going that way yourself"
modesty replied the divine.
An exchange says: "A dozen women ride now
where one woman rode few years ago" II will
be readily seen that this arrangement is hard on
The old horse.
Dir. A. j. Dam, New York hotel keeper, has
named his new hotel on Union Square the Dam
House. He says ii is equal to any Dam House
in the cty.-Peck'S Sun.
"The Manners that Win" is the title OF new
work on etiquette. This, we presume, Is intend.
ed TO teach man how to look unconcerned when
he holds four aces.-Steuben Republican.
When n certain prince OF Salm -Salm came dur
ing the civil war TO offer his sword TO the federal
government, his title puzzled Mr.. Seward
'Psnlm-Psalmn' he exclaimed, where does he
come from" "Perhap. from Sing Sing" said
the person addressed
AChattanooga negro was looking up a chin.
ney wAen holt OF lightning came down and
stripped the buttons of his vest. When he got
his breath he remarked that if he had known
that cat was up there, and calculating TO come
down, he wouldn't have got In the way for IS.
We think we 90 in for pretty costly trousseaux
but they are nothing compared with those provi.
ded among Partisan swells in the last century.
That Of Mile. de Matgnon, who in 1886 married
the aaron de Montmorcncy, cost sl25, 600. It
included | 200 shifts!
San Jose in California has a physician who be-
lieves that monkeys are human beings. This
beats Darwin, ana in view OF the long list OF afro.
cious crimes committed the past week by thu.
man beings" makes it particularly hard on the
monkey family,
IN Ingenious Strasburg dentist lately extract
cd molar, and finding it sound with the excep.
tion Of the joints Of the root, he sawed them off,
flled the cavity with gold. and replaced it. 1t
has re established itself and is now said to be
doing business at the old stand In q most salts
factory manner.
PREPARING TO LEAVE TOWN.
de Strengthened his back and wiped the sweat
From his brow SO fiery red
~ would rather travel with Jumbo, dear,
Than travel with YOU" he said.
She darted an angry glance and cried
why, Walter, YOU must be drunk"
Ppm sober enough" he said, ito know
That Jumbo can pack his own trunk
-BrooklVn Eagle.
Here is q whole sermon in few words. Rev. |
Daniel Burgess preaching from Jobs robe of
righteousness, said, III any of you want suit
For twelyemonth, let him repair to Monmouth
street; if for his lifetime, let him apply to the
Court OF Chancery but if for all eternity, let him
put on the robe Of righteousness"
new sub-order of odd toed ungulates, or
hooied quadrupeds, named Condylarthra, has |
been proposed and extended by Prof Cope to In. |
eiude early tertiary mammals constituting two |
Families. the Phenacondont!de and Menisc0 the. |
'''N'. me ''ft"' luis news greatly TelleFeS
as. We have long suspected that this would
move to he done, and are much pleased to have
our suspicious confirmed IN the above manner
Ha1dd LdmpoJn.
An Ohio man had his hand amputated, thrown
away and buried. A few days afterward fungus
growth was found near where the hand was bur.
Jed, which was an exact counterfeit OF the hand,
even to the color of the gangrene, the dlscolora.
iion Of the nail, and a lost forctlnger The own
CT OF the hand, it is said "has been lying very
low ever since the operation" He isn't the only
one who is lying either.
MARYS LITTLE PIG.
Mary had little pug,
His tail was short and crooked;
lie managed in the ground TO dig
With snOut so long and hooked
One day into the garden green