The Russellville Democrat., 1882-07-20
Coffee vs. Beer.

place of saloons in that way. This idea does credit to the philanthro- pIsts, and it would be good thing if it could be made to work, but sta tistics show that no coffee house that was ever established to take the place of saloon ever amounted to q row of pins It is sad but it is the truth. The co9ee may be better than beer, but it is not beer Let a fellow drink few cups of coffee of an even ing and play dominoes and he will go home and can't go to sleep to save him, while if he had taken few glasses of beer and played seven-up, and sawed the game of on the other fellow, he would sleep the sleep of innocence, and get up in the morning feeling ike 6ghting cock, while with the coffee Tn him he would have headache in the morning and be bilious, and have to take pills. As temperance reformer we are sorry that there is so much solid comfort in q glass Of beer, and so much headache and sleeplessness in coffee, because were It otherwise it would be so much easier to reform the world. One of these days there will be prohibitory laws on coffee, and beer will be free moral agency we fear. Take crowd of people at par. tv, and let them drink coffee and eat salads, and they never sleep any all night, and many people it parties will not touch coffee at all on that account. Suppose the host should open few bottles of beer, and set outa plate of pretzels, and a few cheese sandwiches, almost everybody would take a "schnit," and they would go home ana say they never had such nice tine, and would get to sleep before they could get their pants of or the hair pins ali out IL is unfortunate for the temperance cause that tea and coffee are so con founded strong, and get the brain so tangled up that sleep is impossible, or if the person with his skin full of coffee does get to sleep he dreams of blonde angels eighteen feet high mashing him with lobster salad and mustard, knocking him down and walking over him with feet as big as refrigerator cars and as cold, and giving him nightmare and cramps, so he wakes up in self defense and swears by the holy cane seat rock ing chair which he falls over in look- ing for water, wet water, to take the taste out of his mouth, that he will never make a coffee pot out of him self at another party, Ii coffee was as mild and gentle on the vitals and on the brain as beer, and did not un- fit man for the next days work, as it certainly does if indulged in at night, it would be easy to create a temperance movement We talk about coffee as Q substitute for beer, and yet if our children ask for coffee we turn them away with a soft an swer or hard slipper We don't know hardly what to do about 1t, but if there was free coffee house next door to a beer saloon, and the saloon charged ten cents for a small glass of beer, the coffee house would be frequented by few setters who would talk about their liver com plaint, their kidney disorder, and their hopes ofa glorious immortality beyond the grave, and there never would be smile there unless It was forced, while in the beer place there
 would be happy crowd who would laugh and grow fat, and they would not be a bad crowd either. Suppose there were two such places side by side, and poor girl, in rags, hun
 gry and heart broken, should go into them seeking for charity What would be the result? In the coffee place she would be looked upon as an imposter, "a sham dame" by dys peptic sncerers, and told she could have cup of coffee if she would help wash the dishes. In the beer place some great big gsloot would say, Sis, you sit right down here NhI4N SO alOdAb anu stC LIlC bOhS, and he would take his hat and % around and the bows would look at the poor creature in pity, and say tits a dam shame" instead of a sham dame" and when the big galoot came back he would empty over seven dollars ju her lap, and tell her to go and get a good lot of things to carry nome. That is the difference between coffee and beer, though why it is 80, hard to tell, unless it is that coffee, at night, closes the pores anu seals up the good that is in q man until you can | get it out without a can opener. while the beer opens the pores and makes man feel as though he want. cd to see all the world happy. This is not intended as an advocate of beer drinking, but to show that coffee Is not the arCiclc to take its place. Better open q place with nothing but water, with little wind in it, in
 stead of coffee house because water will not hart and coffee will. at night Lot Iowa run on coffee few years, as its stimulant, and every fence will advertise liver cure, every man and woman will wear liver pad, and every face will be yellow.