davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
He Wished He Was Up in Heaven.

''Mr. Miller, there is a serious charge
against yeu," said Jndge Powers, the
other morning.
"Vhell, Shudge, I can't help it. Ii I
am sent to shall Tor 1eefty years [ shall
be gladt. I haf so much troubles NIT
my son Peter dot I like to smash my
brains Oudt on some wallis"
ct IS charged that you went home
drunk and drove the family out doors
with an ak.
"Dot is dhrue. Vhen I goes home I
finds dot my son has stole my monlsh,
md so like to shop up der whole peez-
ness NIT der ak"
'What is the matter with Peter?"
Eferything! He is der baddest boy
nobody efer heard OF. He gets drunk.
He takes my monish. He gets in shall.
He sleeps in der barn. He has fight
nit a preacher und costs me- two hocn-
cred dollar. He tells me- TO go to Tex
as"
"Can't you control him o.
How can l? [ hat kissed dot poy
Peter und she'd tears Oh him. I hal
coaxed him MT sugar and sweet cake.
hief licked hin NIT straps und shticks
aud broom L.lldies und whips till [ vhas
tired oult, Ia: he keeps on shust the
same. He drives me SO crazy dot shall
hang myself r.:t some cioze lines"
81 wouldn't. In the first place [ fine
you $40 for this oifense, and III the next
place you can Lave Peter arrested and
locked NJ. TI-tee months behind the
bars may cnrc HIM"
"Vbeil, maybe so. l pays der fine
und Shall try der shall peesness OF Pc
ter. Ii it don't cur. him / shall hang
myself
Don't be RASH
'Shutige, vhas SO rasher as never
petore Seems like [ wish vhas oop Ill
heaven ! Gootbv, Shadge-i vlias sor-
:, ~ dfs tropulee. E'u:l, Peter l,;l lii
snali .naype 1 teeis better und kick, oop
my heels AGAIN.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
The Infants Dreams,

In her book on Heinrich Heine, the
Princess Della Rocca relates the follow
ing anecdote of the poet: One hot
summer afternoon Heine (no mention is
made Of his age) had been working in
his room very assiduously. It was a
sultry day and he laid down his pen.
Lost in thought he approached the
window and looked out. Suddenly the
idea struck him to climb on the ledge
and to stretch himself lengthwise on the
narrow stone. Overcome by the heat he
fell asleep. Passers by, horrifed, ran
to inform his mother. Mattresses and
pillows were hastily placed in the street
below the window, momentarily the
child was expected to fall. To wake him
seemed hazardous. The inmates of the
house feared to enter the room lest the
noise of the cracking door should cause
him to move. Below the horror-struck
spectators watched him, the Roman
Catholics in the crowd crossing them
selves. Nowhe is seen to move his head
tine mother, scarcely able to control her
self, takes off her shoes, creeps up the
stairs, cautiously opens the door, steals
to the window-the crowd below hold
ing its breatll-anl successfully draws
the boy inside the window. Below the
people shout, "Hurrah for Madame
Heine!' !'-but the boy tells her that he
had dreams ct angels, and birds that
sung pretty melodies to him in his sleep,
to which lie intended 10 write the words.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
A Corner in Trousers.

There are corners in oil, IN teas, in
beans, i'll mining stocks and railway
stocks, in wheat, in corn-and why not
corners in trousers? That was the i'm
portant question asked himself recently
by great financial nobleman of Berlin
while at his tailor's. The cloth was of
an extraordinary pattern. Palpably it
would create a sensation in the Bourse.
81 would like to monopolize that pat
tern,' - he said to the tailor; "just see
how many pairs of trousers it will make. Z"
The tailor calculated, and said that
eighty-three pairs of trousers could be
made from the bundle of cloth. "I will
take them ALT would be very dis
agreeable if one of my colleagues were
to appear in similar pair. His or
ders were obeyed; and now he glories in
having more pairs of trousers of a re-
splendent pattern than any other man
in Berlin.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
Diet and Drinks in Holland.

t. lny English ideas. accustomed as ]
an to plenty OF fresh meat, Dutch diet
seems sadly insufficient on which to con.
duct the business of life; in fact, bread
aud butter and sweets, and tea OR coffee
four tia,es d day, meat and wine but
oncs. As to the popular belief that tie
Dutch are g hi.rd-drinking, schnapps-
taking nation, 1t IS lufounded. You zee
very little drunkenness among the poor:
they are, in truth, too poor for it, and
L never met any one who even knew the
taste OF schnapps. Certainly the men
OF the upper classes 10 not supplement
their poor diet by strong drinks. A
glass OF two OF claret Or Rhine wine at
dinner is I'll they take, and sometimes at
night little brandy or Geneva. There
may be some Mynheer Won Dunks, and
on festive occasions, as at kermes or
fairs, there may be revelry, but as a
rule the people are temperate. Imay,
III conclusion, mention that on fete days
they make what is called aUokaat, and
Is, III fact, thin custard, strongly fla
vored with brandy. It is made in a
large bowl and lad]ed out into the
Hqucur- glasses, in which it is served to
all vino attend the afternoon reception
OF the person whose fete day it is. The
future felicitation of the holder of the
reception is wished before drinking. A
fete day may he birthday, betrothal,
christening; copper. silver Or golden
wedding; or to celebrate the fact that a
gentleman has been certain number of
years in one appointment-say profess
ors. clergymen or indeed any other
prominent official position. Leisure
Hour.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
Warm and Hot Springs.

The springs called thermal springs are
found IN all latitudes, at various eleva-
tions above the sea, and in most of the
geological formations. The word thermal
does not, however, denote spring Of
any particular degree of temperature.
and is far from signifying that the
springs to which it is applied are all
equally warm for any spring is ther-
NAL, the water OF which is warmer than
the mean annual temperature of the
place where it occurs. In the equatorial
regions, where the mean annual temper
ature is about so deg, thermal spring
should have temperature of about SIS
deg, while in the northern parts of the
earth. as, for example, at Yakutsk, in
Siberia, where the years temperature
does not exceed 13 deg, it need be only
a little above that. The waters of ther-
NAL springs maintain an equable tenn
perature, and must therefore come out
of depths in the earth at which tho
variations in the temperature of the air
exert no influence. According to Bous-
slngault, this depth in the tropics is
cnly little more than one or two feet.
but between 4S deg. and 50 deg. of north
Latitude it is between sixty-six and
ninety-three feet below the surface. Be-
side the springs that are called thermal.
many springs are found the temperature
Of which exceeds the highest mean tenn
perature OF the year, and are called warm
springs. Samples are the spring at
Carlsbad, 167 deg. that of Wiesbaden.
1853 deg; those of Baden Baden, 154 to
III deg, etc. The depth from which
the waters come may be approximately
calculated by the rule that the tempera-
ture increases one degree for everv
ninety feet below the surface. Hence
the water Of the bubbling spring at
Carlsbad is supposed to come from a
depth Of 1900 feet.
A third class of springs, the boiling
springs, geysers or hot springs, whose
temperature is near the boiling point of
water, are peculiar in respect to the
places where they appear. They are
found only in volcanic regions; are nu-
merous in Iceland, where there are more
than hundred of them; on the North
island of Now Zealand, where they are
most abundant in the neighborhood of
the Roto Mahana, or Hot lake; and near
the Yellowstone lake, the Fire-hole and
the Madison rivers, in the region of the
Wind River mountains, in the United
States, where some 800 of them are
grouped within certain well-defned
area.-Popular Science Monthly.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
An Instance Of Self. Control.

Sir Walter Scott was in the habit OF
employing in literary work q German
student named Weber. Being an inter.
esting person, he became favorite with
SCOTS household, and often dined with
them. Sir Walter, knowing that Weber
was inclined to drink too freely, encour-
aged this intimacy, that be might keep
him as much as possible from tempta-
tion.
When Sir Walter left Edinburg at
Christmas, 1913, the two parted kindly,
and on the day after his return, Weber
was with him in the library, as usual,
making extracts. As the light began to
fail, Scott leaned back in his char and
was about to ring for candles, when. see
ing the German looking at him with
unusual solemnity, he asked what was
the matter.
"Mr. Scott, said Weber, rising, s.you
have long insulted me, and can bear it
no longer. I have brought pair of
pistols, and must insist on your taking
one of them instantly" and he produced
the weapons which had been placed un-
der his chair, and laid one of them on
Scott's paper.
"You are mistaken, T think" said
Scott, Gin your way of settling about
this afair-but no matter. It can, how.
ever, be no part of your object to annoy
Mrs. Scott and the children; therefore,
if you please, we will put the pistols into
the drawer till after dinner, and then
arrange to go out together like gentle
men,"
Weber answered with the same cool
ness, "I believe that will be better, /"
and laid the second pistol on the table.
Scott locked both in the drawer, say
ing, 81 am glad you have felt the pro
priety of my suggestion; let me only
request further that nothing may occur
at dinner to give my wife any suspicion
of what has been passing"
Scott then went to his dressing-room
and Immediately sent message to one
Of Weber's intimate companions, who
came aud took him away.
He had been on long walk through
the Highlands, during which he had
drunk so heavily as to unsettle his mind.
He became hopeless lunatic, and till
his death was supported at SCOTS ex-
pense in an asylum at York. But
ior the great novelist's self-control, there
would have been q murder in that quiet
library.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
The Kangaroo.

When Capt. Cook first discovered
Australia he saw some natives on shore,
one of whom held dead animal in his
hand. The Captain sent boats crew
ashore to purchase the animal, and find
ing, on receiving it, that it was beast
quite new to him, he sent the boatswain
back to ask the natives its name.
"What do you call this ERE animal 2"
said the sailor to naked savage.
The latter shook his head and said
Kangaroo" " which means in Australian
lingo, 81 don't understand"
When the sailor returned to the ship
the Captain said, "Well, and what's the
name of the animal ?"
The sailor replied, "Please, sir, the
black party says IT'S kangaroo. Tho
beast has kept the name ever since.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09

Did .ae Comet Gice adc stH 1t BIac!; Eye?
Happening to look at the sun one day
last week through pair of thosevery dark
spectacies which are used il the manipuia-
tion Of the electric light, the reporter saw
a distinct black speck on its disk.
THAT must be very large sun spot" lie
thought. and Immediately betook himself
to the observatory of his friend the astron-
omer.
Yes said the astronomer, ''that's a
truly rem arkabie spot. It's the black eye
that the great comet gave the ruler of the
solar system! At least there is a theory
which says 50, and, as the sun mas shown
black eyes before after great comets hare
been engaged with him at close quarters,
perhaps the theory is not so very far out
of the way"
''Do you mean that the comet hit the
sum-
mo. not exactly that, FOR if it had it
would have been the end of the comet. But
it undoubtedly passed Though the atmos-
phere of the sun. and if it had gone much
closer would have touched what appears TO
us as the SUMS actual surface. You know
that one of the discoveries of recent years
is that meteors follow in the tracks of
comets. The tremendous spot that adorned
the SUMS face after the perihelion of the
comet of 1S43 has been ascribed to the fall
into the sun OF huge meteor following
the comet, and the present spot. or rather
spots-for there are several which
made their appearance about
the time Of the perlhellon of
our great comet-may have had a similar
origin. There is another view that can
be taken Of il. 1t has been shown that a
comet going very close to the sun is Ii
able to be torn to pieces by the divellent
forces operating upon it. The present
comet, you know, has a divided nucleus;
in fact, it has probably thrown off several
cometary masses of considerable magni-
tud. and the work of disintegration
appears to be still going on. Now,
it may have parted with a portion Of
its mass when it was nearest the sun,
and the fail OF this may have produced the
spots. There is yet another way of look
ing at il which does not involve the fall of
anything upon the sun, and that is this:
The exceedingly close approach Of the
comet may by itself have caused the spots.
1t is true no comet has ever shown that it
possessed mass enough to affect by its at
traction the motion of any planet near
which it passed, but the gaseous sur
face OF the sun is in a condition
far different from that of the solid
globes which revoive around it. At any
rate. the great spot which you now see On
the face of the sun, ard some of the small
-er ones, too, undoubtedly made their ap-
pearance when the comet was at its peri
heliou: and, moreover. they appeared upon
that side Of the sun which was then turned
toward the comet.
$50 you see there is really some reason
for saying that the comet gave the sun a
black eye. In return for this pugilistic sa-
lutte, however, if all the observations are to
be trusted, the King of the Day reduced
the comets head to fragments.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
The LAWYERS Trade.

''So am doomed?" said the client
just found guilty of murder in the fist
degree and condemned to be hanged.
"Guilty? Hanged p howled the
lawyer. "What are you talking about?
Evidently you have never been tried be-
fore for murder"
"No," said the prisoner; this is my
first offense."
Why, man." said the lawyer, "the
thing has just commenced. Being found
guilty is now by the law considered only
the preliminary stage of a criminal
trial."
"But what will you do now?"
"Do? You have twelve or fourteen
chances for life" said the lawyer.
3" First-Application for new trial.
"SecOnd-Stay OF proceedings.
"Third-We shall find some new wit
nesses who will prove that you are quite
another man as compared with what you
were when you committed the deed.
"Fourth- are forty-fve excep-
tions to the rulings Of the court.
Fifth-H these fail we will clap on
a certiorari.
"Sixth-H that fails we shall try the
OlQ naDeaS corpus.
"Seventh- Then there is the insanity
dodge. That opens new field altogether
for saving your neck. We can make
you insane. have in reserve q CORPS
of experts who can make anybody out
insane. Sentence you to the asylum,
you know, for life, and let you out by
the back door in less than year, when
the public has forgotten all about the
case.
"Ninth-Fetition the Executive for
pardon.
Tenth-The writs in reserve.
There's the writ of corporealibus,
aurora borealis. Do you understand
Latin ?"
Prisoner" Not Latin"
Lawyer-"H that fails there's the
writ Of pulcoerimus amo masculinibus.
which means it is sin, anyway, to hang
a lovable white man-like yourself. Then
there's the writ of nil desperandum in
quandary, which means any port in a
storm. See %
Prisoner-"I I don't see exactly. But
I know you must be learned man, and
1 know there's heap of power in them
there writs. How much p
Lawyer-"Well. it costs heavily to
get them out especially those last named,
for they are the choice and fancy varieties.
A thousand dollars would smooth things
and procrastinate the gallows for the
present"
Prisoner Judge, $500 is all I caa
raise just now. Won't that answer 2"
Lawyer -''For half the time men
toned, yes. You are saved for six
months. "-Ne,0 YORK Graphic.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
Preacher, Builder and Blacksmith.

Few men in Main have crowded more
genuine hard work into their lives than
Elder John Spinney. of Starks, Free
will Baptist clergyman, GA years old.
The old gentleman is blacksmith bv
trade, having worked twenty years at
that business. When 19 years old he
commenced preaching, frequently walk.
ing ten miles to church on Sunday.
preaching two sermons, and returning
.on foot at night. In his life he has
moved thirty y-eight times, and has
erected twenty-three buildings. Among
other things he has delivered over 5000
sermons, attended over 200 funerals in
Starks, married over 200 couples, bap-
tized over 200 people, and raised fami-
ly of ten children.-Augusta (Afe. }
Journal.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09

''I've stolen coat" said a man to q
lawyer, "and I want you to defend me.
Think you can prove me innocent?'
"Oh yes; we can prove that you were in
an adjoining township when the coat
was stolen and that the prosecution was
malicious. GLOW much will YOU
charge?" sWhat sort of a coat is it?a
First rate; never been worn any,"
well, 1 wont charge you anything.
just give me the coat
A French photographer boasts of
having been able to catch the impress
sion Of flying bird. There is nothing
at all wonderful about that. An Austin
man who has no scientific attainments
whatever, without any effort on his
part, caught the impression Of flying
bat. 1t was very clear impression.
The flying bat was a brick-bat. He
was Offering resolution at q ward
meeting when the accident occurred.
A jolly looking German was quietly
walking down the street when he was
approached by a man who said: "Hal-
10, Joe! What are you doing here?'
The old man looked up and said: But I
am not here at ALL" ssNot here" said
the man; ''what do you mean by that?'
ven, now, you see my name is not
Joe, and SO how could I be here? You
must mean some other man."
A man never loses anything by being
polite: A Buffalo gentleman waiting
Tor train at Aylmer, Ont, saw wom-
an slip upon something and nearly fall.
lie hurried to assist her and helped her
rise, and as he did so she dropped a val
Use which proved to be his own. which
he had left in the depot few minutes
before. and which she was attempting
to steal.
,'Ialk about stopping the drinking
habits OF the people!'' exclaimed the
lecturer; ''There is but one way to do
lt-you must remove the cause" s.True
i'r you, old fell," shouted demoralized
nearer, ''true f'r you. That's what I've
been trying to do all my life. Bring on
yer cause Ii yer want it removed"
Many London ladies crop their hair sher
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
How He Lost His Memory.

He had asked the man in the seat be.
hind him for chew of fine-cut. and,
after stuffing half the contents of the
box into his mouth, he had put the box
itself into his pocket. When reminded
of this he replied:
Bless me-bless me Why so Gid
Hope you won't take offense, sir, for |
had entirely forgotten it. Dear me
but 1 find fresh evidence every day that
/ am not what used to be. I see that
l am losing my memory"
"That's too bad p said the other.
GLOW long have you been thus af-
dicted ?"
Exactly thirteen years ago to-day"
"Did some accident happen to you
then"
Accident? Bless you, my dear sir.
it was a terrible thing. was hung by
mob"
''Is that so? J. don't want to be i'm
pertinent, but I should really like to
hear about it."
"Certainly-no impertinence about
that. I was in Denver. Ny business
there was to sell pianos and organs.
One night I called at a house to see
about the sale of piano, and found
the lady murdered in the hall. While I
was standing there, horror-struck and
terrified, several parties came up, ac-
cused me of the deed, and in ten min
utes mob had a rope around my neck.
I was dragged to tree, given two min.
utes to pray, and then pulled up"
Hung by the neck ?"
"Yes-a regular hangman's moose,
and the end of the rope was made fast,
and I was left swinging.
"Great Scott and-and-but YOU
didn't die?"
81 dunno" softly answered the piano
man. 81 date my loss of memory from
the time they began pulling on the rope.
Perhaps was cut down and resuscitated
perhaps the corpse was taken out and
buried. As told you before, my mem
ory has sadly failed me-"
The other puzzled over it, blew his
nose, got red in the face, and finally
blarted out
''Say, mister, believe you are gi-
gantic, consarned liar I"
"Like as not-like as notr' blandly
replied the piano man. "When mans
AAASAAoAJ OCSuS W AftAl, uC IldJ luU tllS
truth or he may ie-Just as it happens.
Have you any good chewing tobacco
with vou?"-Detro- Free Press.
Japanese English.
For the benefit of English visitors to
5he Grand Exhibition at Osaka, the au-
horities are stated to have affixed the
following notices in various parts of the
building: Visitors not allowed to touch
flie articles without permission of watch
men ;" Visitors must recomplace the
trticles if they have done any damage"
First entrance for visitors to visit all
nranging Of articles" The crowning
fort seems to have been the following
Mysterious inscription upon a curious
ntique canoe: "This boat was diggen
IA from the ground which is belongs
, S. Sakura's own property when was
.igging up the river called Itaehi-kawa
It Numba-mura, 1878. Therefore this
an ancient boat, which had been used
'efore or after thousand years, and per-
usps this is ancient Utsubo-Fune.
Daily globe., 1882-11-09
How to Gain a Day.

)he dropping Of L day in going across
pe Pacific ocean eastward, say from San
r'sancisco TO Yokohama, in Japan, is
lot very difficult to understand, though
many persons seem puzzled over 1t.
Even the Hon. James Brooks, in his
sGetcny volume, ga Seven Months Run
Up and Down and Around the World, =
written in 1871, says Yesterday was
Thursday, to-day is Saturday, June II
we have dropped out Friday, whicl,
ought to have been June 16 this year
there are but six DAYS tins weel,-nay.
Only i've, from Sunday TO Sunday. /
an puzziins over this in geography and
oa chart, and, though doubtless it is
clear enough to the navigator and as
tronomer, have found it not so easy to
store it away in my head. We
are not in Gibeon, nor the valley of
Al alou, with enemies to avenge, as
Joshua had when he ordered the sun and
moon to stand still, but the sun stands
sill to us in this wild wilderness OF
waters, as we lose ibe day."
In brief explanation, let any one i'm
arine himself to start at MONDAY and
travel to the westward as rapidly as the
slin-or, more correctly, as the earth
turns eastward on its axis-it is evident
that to him there would be no rising or
setting of the sun; there could be none,
Tor the sun would be constantly over
lead. In like manner, if one were to
Start eastward at noon and travel at the
same rapid rate, say 200 miles an hour,
there would be to him two full days in
twenty-four hours-i. e., two sun-ris-
ings, two moons, two sunsets and two
nights Now the reason for adding or
cropping day while crossing the Pa
ciic, instead of the Atlantic, or Indian,
or any other ocean, IS because the 180th
parallel Of longitude east or west is found
there-that is, the point Immediately on
the opposite side Of the earth from the
observatory in Greenwich, near London,
which navigators uniformly count as the
starting point, or zero.
II travelling eastward, or against the
suns apparent course, it is necessary to
drop day, and for convenience and
uniformity this is done at the 1S0th par
aiiel; IN like manner, in moving west
ward, or with the sun, one day must be
added or counted twice. Il this were
not done, the traveller would find on ar
irving at his journeys end that he was
either one day ahead Or behind those
whom he had left at home-that accord
ing as he had gone east Or west around
the world he had gained or lost a day,
both of the week and month. In other
worils, Mr.. Smith, who left Chicago (the
yea. center Of the ear;h's inf:uence) on
the lst day Of last January for trii, via
San Francisco, Japan, India, Egypt,
ETC.. reaching home for Christmas, will
have 366 days during the year 1882,
while Mr.. Jones, who started eastward
around the world, will show but 3e4
days work during the same year of
grace. The three or four minutes OF
time gained or lost each day, being put
together, make up one day in the aggre-
gate, and is dropped out or added, as
stited above, at point exactly opposite
Greenwich, etc., $50 degrees, or one
half of $50 degrees, the number in any
circle. .-ChjcQQO Inter Ocean.