Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-01-05
Hnmarnas Repartment.

A TOUGH WITNEss.-Not even lawyer,
however skillful in cross examination, can
make witness tell the truth, provided the
witness wishes to evade it. 1t is impossible to
put the question in such exact language that
it will demand the desired answer 1t was
necessary, on a certain occasion in court, to
compel witness to testify as to the way in
which Mr.. Smith treated his horse. "Well,
sir" said the lawyer, with sweet and win
ming smile-a smile intended to drown all
suspicion as to the ultsrior purposes-"how
does Mr.. Smith generally ride horse ?"
The witness looked up innocently and replied ::
"Generally a.straddle, sir, believe" The
lawyer asked again: "But, sir, what gait
does be rider" The imperturbabe witness
answered, "He never rides any gate at all, sir,
but I've seen his boys ride every gate on the
farm" The lawyer saw he was on the track
of Tartar, and his next question was very
insnuating. "How does MIR. Smith ride
when he is in company with others? de-
mand clear answer" "Well, sir" said the
witness, "he keeps up with the rest if his horse
is able to, or if not, he falls behind" The
lawyer, by this time, was almost beside him
self, and asked, "And how does he ride when
he is alone?" II don't know" was the reply,
II never was with him when be was alone,
and there the case dropped.
THE OWNERSHIP OF WATERMELoNs.-The
Louisville Journal, tells this history :-Who
ever heard of any one being punished for
stealing watermelon 1t was tried once in
Tennessee, three or four years ago. Good
old Judge Frazier, Of the Davidson and
Rutherford circuit, was presiding an un-
lucky negro was the prisoner a very young
lawyer was defending him twelve good men
and true were in the box. There was no
doubt the prisoner had stolen the melon the
proof against him was clear as MONDAY
The attorney called no witnesses whatever,
but simply arose and said "May it 'please
your Honor and Gentlemen of the jury, my
client is charged with stealing watermelon
He does not deny it. But this is new crime
for our courts. have stolen watermelons
myself the chances are that your Honor has
stolen watermelons and gentlemen, I'll agree
to set 'em up if there is man on that jury
who hasn't stolen watermelon !! The Judge
ierked up his head, took off his spectacles
and looked up with startled but smiling
stare upon the young scamp; the jurors
nudged each other and snickered the spec
tators gufawed but it is needless to say
the brief argument for the defendant was 8
successful one with the honest jurymen.
AN UNEXPECTED FINIsH.-Speaking o
the tendency of temperance orators to set for
ward themselves as previous examples of the
blighting effects of drink, the London CORES
pondent of the Liverpool advertiser says
This prediction was smartly satirized the
other evening at a temperance meeting. A
person in the hall got up and said: "My
friends, three months ago signed the pledge
(Clapping of hands and approving cheers
In month afterwards, my friends, had a
sovereign in my pocket-a thing I never had
before. (Clapping and loud cheering.) In
another month, my friends, 1 had good coat
on my back-a thing have never had be-
fore. CHEERS and clapping much LOUDER
A fortnight after that, my friends, bought a
coffin" The audience was going to cheer
here, but stopped and looked serious. "You
WONDER" continued the lecturer, "why
bought coffin. Well, my friends, l bought
coffin because felt pretty certain that if |
kept the pledge another fortnight, l should
want one"