The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1867-188?, 1882-08-30
Wanted q Job.

Yesterday man came into the Boom
sTanq Office with the air of a man who
is tired of this earth and wants to wing
his way to land of forgetfulness and
plunge into the lethian depths of obliv-
ion. After he had taken seat on the
tete-a-tete and hung his hat on the es-
critoire, he said:
"Pm a newspaper man myself.
Didn't know but you might want a good
man on the staff, somebody to write up
the sad features of life and furnish the
fearful wall. as it were Life is full of
woe, and in my estimation every paper
should have a woe editor. 1 am well
fitted for that position. as you will see
if may be allowed 10 go on and detail
my own experience to you
al went down into Kansas and start
ed a paper in a small town on the Sante
Fe Road, with the assurance that
would meet with the cordial aid and
sympathy of the people there. 1 didn't
expect to do big business, but 1 just
wanted to run a little modest sheet.
The first week my paper didn't get
there, and had to print that issue on
some paper bags that / got from our
leading grocer. This was an advant-
age, because his ad. was already print
ed on the first page and it saved the
wear and tear of display type. Still the
paper looked meager and did not at
tract the attention that had hoped for
it. 1t did not influences the Admins
tration nor boom up the town as had
anticipated.
The next week wrote up a little
social party and gave the name of n
young man who was drunk and frolic-
some and shot out all the lights. He
also shot an old man who was "calling
OFF, the dance.
81 thought the press ought to be fear
less and outspoken if the occasion re-
quired, and wrote it up carefully and,
as L thought, fairly, but the young man
came around the next day and con-
vinced me that 1 was wrong. 1 was
writing as cathing article on agnosticism
when he came in and knocked me under
the job-press with chair. 1 didn't
know him at all and thought it was
rather eccentric for total stranger, so
when l got up again 1 told him so.
Then he jammed me into the wood-box
and poured a keg of ink and can of coal
oil on me before could have any under
standing with him.
Then he went away.
THAT evening he came with some
friends and bought the goodwill of the
establishment, and the whole Office and
subscription list of me. He had the ad-
vantage of me, and bought it low. 1
felt that was making a sacrifice, but
/ was afraid might not have another
opportunity to sell, so 1 sold. The
price, of course, was nominal, but the
inducements held out were not to be
ignored.
''Since then I have started three pa
pers, and had three large and hotly-
contested fights. My conar-bone has
been broken in two places, and my doc
tors. bills have always been bigger
than the other expenses of the Office.
The dentist has been pulling teeth out
of my palate ever since / entered into
the newspaper business. As soon as /
got so could see with both eyes one of
them has been closed up on me, and
my nose has at different times pointed
around all over my face.
"What / want now is a chance to
work on some paper in cog, as might
say, and where will be by myself. 1
can take most any current event and
tinge it with sadness. / can give an air
of hopeless melancholy to the occur
rences of everyday life that will make
your paper known all over the world. /
will admit that this is an innovation in
journalism, perhaps, but it will take, L
think, and l know that if can succeed
in imbuing into my work that settled
air of gloom that feel, your paper will
win for itself in a short time the name
of being the most CHASTITY record of dis
appointment and grief-stricken, horror
soaked remorse in the known world"
The manager sobbed a few times and
then said. while his voice was choked
with emotion, that the Opaque gloom
department was ably filed at present;
and the stranger went out into the cold,
hard, unsympathizing outer world, TAX
ing with him his leaden burden of woe
and silk umbrella that stood in the
hall-Nye's Boomerang.