Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1882-02-01

) ss4s-~---- ~ - 81 !. u =
TaaE is something high-toned In
church bells. ,s
WHEN bank "goes up, IL generally
fails to "come down" g.
TKLLEes Of exaggerated stories are
known as yarn merchants.
WHAT five letters form a sentence of
forgiveness? Ixqqu. u
!" WHEN sorrow has left its traces"
what has become OF the rest OF the
harness? @ as
Az. editor without backbone don't
amount to much. It's his principal
column You know. N Haa w
Mn BuDp asleed her, Rose, wilt
thou be minep" Rose answered, 81 am
sorry.--but rose cannot be turned into
abud." uI 09 gHg1
BeihING hair in ISOLATION of ten win
darken it, says an exchange; but some
folks don't like to have their tea dark
ened in that way. 1880
"A YouTHFuL Pennsylvania Granger,
about to he chastised by his father,
called upon his grandfather 10 protect
him from the middle man.
"Now, THEN, what's your pspa's
name, Freddya" Dunno" Don't
know your papa's namei Why, what
does you mamma call him?" "Bruter
ABARBEa offered reward for instantly
removing superfuous hair. Among the
answers was: Undertake TO kiss
woman against her will"
A6-YEAn-or&p was envelopcd in shirt
much too big for him. After strutting
about for some time hc burst out sOh,
maj 1 feel awful lonely in this big
shirt"
"WHAr is the greatest charge on
record? asked the professor Of history.
And the absent-minded student an
swered: Seventeen dollars for hack
hire for self and girl for two hours. !"
You never saw my hands as dirty as
that said petrilant mother to her
little girl. "No, but perhaps your ma
did !" was the sharp, if not respectful,
reply
PHYSICIANS say it is not healthy 10
sleep in the daytime. That is why the
baby which liz taken to church never
goes to sleep. 1t knows what is good
for its health.
An old citizen in country village,
being asked for subscription toward re-
pairing the fence of the graveyard, de-
clined. saying. II subscribed toward
improsin' that buryin' ground nigh onto
forty years ago. and my family hain't
had no benefit from it yet.
"GIvE the young man chance, says
writer. Yes, give him chance at
church festival in raiiie for blue.ey
doll in poke-bonnet, and a ''just too love-
~ for anything" Give him chance
10 go out aud kick himself full Of holes
because he went to the festival. -
Christidrt at Work.
A YOUNG man living il. Leadville
shipped to his ittlo brother in st. Louis
a choice donkey of the diminutiye spe-
cies known as the Mexican burro. The
agent, in making out his manifest, con-
cluded that "burro" meant " "bureau,"
and reported accordingly to his superior,
..one bureau missing and one iackass
over"
AFAsHroN writer says; "Aristoc -
household dogs are now provided q
their young lady owners with cushions
of plush, consisting OF center mat with
q raised border, which is stuffed with
aYool, and has an outside covering OF
velvet OF, plush, on which a design IN
screwel work is SEEN" II girl would
do so much for a dog what wouldn't she
do for a husband?
q BRUTUs BLrSKnxRRY, said that
gensleman's wife, drawing paper from
her pocket in the privacy Of the cham.
Der on Sunday morning. "Brutus Blink
berry, I've counted. and ont Of the last
thirty days you have come home intox-
scated fwenty-seyen nights; what do you
think Of yourself" " Blinkberry groaned.
.well, what are you groaning about
nowe" "Them three nights," replied
Blinkberry, with an expression Of horri-