The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-01-13
NUMBER 30.
Tom Corwin's Last Joke.


Private Dalzell, in communication
to the Cincinnati Commercial, relates
conversation between himself and Gen.
eral Garfield in 1877, on the humorous
phase of Tom Corwin's life:
General, said l, "was Tom Corwin
happy man2 Did he enjoy life as well
as most great men do?"
General Garfield replied:
81 hardly know how to answer. What
were his thoughts in the solitude of his
own room, especially in his latter years,
can not say, but am inclined to think
they were sad enough. He was in
measure disappointed man. He was
possessed of great powers, and he was
fully conscious of that fact. He may
have felt that if he had exerted his tai
ents in other ways than he had been ac-
customed to do, he might have reached
a more solid fame, and possibly greater
offices. l do not know. But | do know
he sometimes said as much to me In his
calmer moments. But in trice he was
off again with his yarns that set and
kept the whole company In a constant
roar of laughter. He once told me how
he got into Congress the first time. He
was nominated and had no more idea OF
an election than the dead. But he went
out to canvass on horseback, through the
settlements from log cabin to log cabin,
and solicit votes. His competitor was
almost sure of election, for the district
was strongly with his party.
Gone night Oorwin stopped at log
hut, where all the family ate, slept and
lived in the only room in the house, after
the simple habits of that day. The oc-
cr1pant was Democrat. and Corwin said
he never dreamed of getting his vote.
But that night, as they gathered round
the Preside, he asked the fellow if he
knew Mr.. -, his competitor. Wall,
replied the farmer, l rather guess | do
-1'll never vote for him. This was a
sensation to Corwin. He was now on
the trail of something that might prove
beneficial in his canvass-something he
might use at his next meeting to set the
house in a roar.
"May l ask your reason for not voting
for him 2 said Mr.. Corwin, L am sure
Mr.. - is good old Locofoco /
didn't keer for that replied TOMS
host, 'he kin never get my vote. No
man that wears woman's gown OF
nights kin ever lave my vote This
the old fellow said as solemnly as posi-
BILE, and without smile. Toms quick
penetration took the point, and with a
vlsage heavy with mock gravity, while
he was choking back the laugh that the
comic situation provoked, Tom said,
| He wears woman's gown, does he,
! chi? Just think of it-a woman's gownl
A pretty candidate for Congress-. Yaas,
said the old. lady, who sat knitting in
| the chimney corner, and raising her
spectacles, she looked up from her knit
/ ting. and. in solemn tone, said : Yaas,
| Mr.. Corwin, that be the God Almighty s
truth, eff my old man ever told de truth
in his life. seed him put on that ar
I drafted gown, ana ef you believe me, 1t
had tail as long as my gown, too, and
the old lady looked fierce. Not a smile
! appeared on any face. Tom said he was
! dying to have a good laugh over it. But
i the fun of the whole thing was its abso.
/ lutte gobriety and ludicrous solemnity.
| 'Waal,' drawled the old man, you see
/ it. was this way: He was here one night
/ list as you be tonight, and man and ]
went into that ar bed right there, and
he into this bed right here. Afore he
got in he stopped down as if he was o
| gwine to pray. Hisht," SEE [, "mam,
our Congressman is kinder pious." Jist
| then he opens his saddlebags and ]
/ peeped out to see what it was. And I'll
! be goll darned if it wasn't woman's
/ shirt with tail mile long, and into il
he elm and popped into bed and jist
looked like ole woman for all the
world.
"'You and |, droned the farmer
sMr. Corwin, works hard all day In Oul
ole shirts and they is alfred sweaty
sometimes, but we thinks nothin' Of
sleepin' in EN-. But that darned cuss is
so aristocratic that he hez to put on airs
and kerry his wife's shirt around with
him, and sleeps in hit, darn him. FL
never vote for no SIGH man.
Tom had it. He slept little that night
| Next day he went forth on his errand Of
drumming up a crowd for his night
meeting
At the meeting he opened thus: " MY
friends, it was thought there was nc
issue in this campaign. know my OPP
ponent claims there is none. But L tell
you there is. 1t is very solemn one,
too. II is the Shirt-taiL issue" And
then he went on, amid peals of laughte ]
to tell the story, and carried the crowd
with him. Night after night he told
that yarn to crowds, who serenaded il
With yells of laughter. Tom carried
the district and went to Congress.
While Tom Corwin was telling that
very story" said General Garfield, "and
just as he reached the climax and was
on his feet vociferating that comica
speech about the shirt, his head dropped
a little. his countenance turned ashley.
and he started to fall, but caught him
in my arms. and so Tom Cors0ta died"