The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-12-06
COMIC COMMENTS.

I
Time is money: It Is said ssTims
alone can heal the deaolate heart.r Thi,
may be because time is rnoney.--sKe,0 Or
leans Piearune.
/ The latest: The coat-tail Irritation I,
the latest. a wrinkled coat-tail bearingdus
ty toe-marks means, 81 have spoken to youi
father " EDGnsuills argus
/ Pain in his portmanteau A French
man, feeling i'll, complained 10 an English
friend that he had E pain in his portman,
teau, by which he meant his chess. --Anon
Too great 10 speak United States: Sc
Mr.. Tangletext is a great divine ?" said
Fogg; - well, that's because nobody car
divine his meaning, suppose. - Boston
Transcript
How one might have good time: IL
one had nothing else to do but read political
speeches what splendid time he could have
--by not reading them Cincinnati En-
QDtrer.
Absurd statement contradicted: Mrs.
Howe says women do not fall in love any
more. Place woman in front of the mill.
ners window and see she doesn't. r Boston
Transcript.
| From the city Of salt: g Win you drop
us saline 2" asked man departing from
Syracuse. "That depends salt together on
circumstances" was the reply. Narration
Independent.
/ "A stamp like boy: 1t is said ninety
millions Of postage stampa are annually sold
in this country and all of them have to be
licked before they viii do their duty. Ne1
Orleans Picayune
Becoming modesty: No matter how
handsome young woman may DO, when
the right man comes along she is ready to
yield the palm of beauty if he has the sense
to ask for it.---Boston Transcript. aaa
/ deaf and dumb wives: Morse, who
invented the telegraph, and Bell, tho in
! ventor of the telephone, both had deaf-mnte
wives, which leads q wag to observe Jus;
see what man can do when everything IL
quiet. - Boston Globe.
Easy wisdom: We notice one thing
it takes very rich man to appreciate the
blessings of poverty. Solomon was worth
about $4,000 when he said "a good
name is to be chosen rather than great rich
eau burlington Hasokege z9@
Prohibition item: "Coine In and join
me,p said Colonel Yerger to Hostetter Mo
| Ginnis, as they happened to meet. /" Can't
| think of it, Colonel" Why not?n swell,
! I've already had as much as Is good for me,
and besides swore of last week ~ 7sra.
.SJtinss. Sd
Abused the privilege Hero is a new
| lat least not very old-story CT Tom Mar
shall; Said the Woodford orator to 8 man
whose wife.he dislked, " Bill, your wife l.
an ugly woman !" We'll" replied Bill,
blushing up, that's her privilege" Eyes"
replied Tom, "hut she abuses the privilege. >
Detroit Frss Press.
Truth crushed 10 earth Il Is related
that President Seguier was always hard
upon the lawyers. When the docket was
being called one day IL was found that both
advocates in q certain case we're absent.
$50 on with it, them cried tine President,
in high spirits 90 on with it we shall
now have ehance OF getting at the truth
Anon.
Heavy responsibility: "I feel as II 1
had a thousand pounds weight Of responsi-
bility on me- remarked San Antonio dele.
gate to the Democratic Congressional Con.
vention that met last week at Austin. 81
feel the same way" responded brother del
egatc; " but keep your mouth shut, or the
railroad company will charge rs for ex-
ira baggage. "-Tepas lsitti,9gs.
IA horse IN trousers: A colorsd driver
of an express wagon made al Cleveland
laugh the other day by rigging out his horse
IN pantaloons in order to mitigate "the
scratches" OF which the animal was a vic.
tim. The colored man took the laughter
very philosophically. "Larf on, chile he
remarked; sit doan lux good hut it feels
good to the animule. WI Detroit Free Pyess
Prayer: do believe rain viii come
in answer to feryent prayer?" said the par.
SON, repeating tho query that had been pro.
pounded to him. Why, certainly, Deacon
Brown; the prayer of the faithful is always
answered. But" be added, after pause.
"when you arc going to pray for rain, dea
/
fore smart shower Boston Transcript
Very lonely: A bull broker who had
| just emerged from the effects of celebrating
his successes during the late advance of the
market observed that for most OF the time il
seemed to him ss il he were in heaven.
"you must have enjoyed it" said friend
mo; it was too awfully lonely" returned
the convalescent, ST didn't meet singl,
member Of the Stock Exchange there
Brooklyn Eagle. 2
Sporting item. Inquisitiye boy (whs
has been reading an account OF q fox chase
and turning to his father for information)- :
'sPa, what do they mean by the brush p ;
Father (who is q linen draper, densely ig
norant of field sports, but ia determined moi
to be bluffed by mere youngster)--" a
brush, my boy, is--ah--is an article of do
nestle furniture used BY the hunters to dus'
of the fox. p Brooklyn Eagls
"A kind employer Nose Schaumburg
the Austin avenue merchant, is strict in re
gard to the personal appearance Of his clerks.
He was very much opposed to his clerk,
wearing a moustache, aud when one OF them
| applied to him for permission to raise Q
moastache he said: dot wash all right
you shoost raise SO much viskers as you
please, so long as yoa don't wear 'em in the
store during pishness hours. ~ Teas SIT
iags. I
Conversational defect; An Austin mer
chant has lhe habit of interlarding his con
varsation with you know" A few day
ago Hostetter McGinnis, who is always NJ
to some deviltry, went into the store anc
said to the proprietor: az want, yoa
know, a paper, you know, Of pins, yor
know" After Hostetter had gone out tn,
proprietor said to his chief clerk: I. Tha
was conical cuss, you know, He said
yon know. you know, you know to every
thing he said. you know. ~ 7'fras SJtsssQs
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