Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-08-17


to goIunder''
'SEy hokey, I'll try it It's no use to throw
away a quarter when you can beat side
show.''
The boy took him round behind the tent and
saw him safe under, and then crossed the
street and sat down. He waited just exactly
three minutes, and then the stranger came
out of the tent by the door. He looked up
and down the street, closely scanned every
youngster about him, and finally said to a
bOotblack:
'sBub, I'm looking for youth about two
heads taller than you-peaked nose-brown
him so awful bad for about minute that iii
give you half dollar if you can lind him
round there ~
THE CoURTING OF SHARP MAN OF Bus
INESS.-Pitts is a fast man, 4 sharp man, a
man of business tact, and when Pitts goes in
to store to trade he always gets the lowest
cash price ;and he says: "Well, III look about,
and if 1 don't find anything that suits me bet
ter, III call and take this ?"
Pitts, like all fast men, is partial to women,
and young ones in particular. Now quite late
ly, Pitts said to himself: II am gettin' rather
long in years, and guess III get married. y
His business qualities wouldn't let him
wait, so off he travels, and calling upon lady
friend, opens the conversation by remarklng
that he would like to know what she thought
about his getting married.
ooh, Mr.. Pitts, that is an affair in which
am not so very greatly interested, and 1
prefer to leave the matter with yourself"
'But," says Pitts, ''you are interested, and
my dear girl will you marry me %
The young girl blushed very red hesitated,
and finally, as Pitts was very well to do in the
world, and morally, financially and political
ly of good standing in society, she accepted
him. Whereupon the matterOf-fact Pitts re-
SpOnded:
"Well, well, III look about, and if I don't
find any that suits me better than you, 1'll
come back.''
NEARLY CAUGHT.-An exchange paper is
responsible for a pretty good story concerning
an old gentleman who was very fond OF the
game of pool"
Our old friend, few nights since, came
home very late from a siege of "pool." His
wife was asleep. When she awoke in the morn
ing, she found upon the floor marble which
had dropped out of the husbands pocket when
he came to bed, upon which were the figures
'I7."
':What is this ?" said she to her lord.
He opened his eyes, looked, blushed, was
confused and stammered: why, why-it's a
marble, amt it?
eyes, - said she, ''but what are you doing
with marble in your pocket -
Sin my pocket well-ah ! the fact is, I've
had that marble in my pocket for the last 35
years-ever since l used to play ''for keeps'
with Bill.
Indeed ~ incredulously asked his wife, ''but
what are these figures on here for? What
does III" mean 20
''Seventeen mean % said he, hesitatingy
"0h, 17!' why, that was the number of mar-
bles Bill owed me when we quit playing; he
marked it on there 50 wouldn't forget it,
A YANKEE CAPTAIN OUTwITTED.-Cap-
tain Farrow, of Islesboro, tells good story of
himself which occurred few years ago, while
he was trading at Key West. 1t was a case
where Northern Yankee was outwitted by
SOutherner. The Captain was trading in a
small vessel, and had been up the coast to
Tampa Bay, where he purchased twenty dozen
chickens, paying S4 per dozen. The chickens
ran all the way in size from a few days old to
full-grown ones. At Key West hotel land
lord came alongside and asked the Captain
how he sold his chickens. The Captain re-
piled eff you pick them out l shall charge
you St per dozen a; if you let me pick them out
you can have them for So per dozen.n ''All
right" said the hotel man, ''you pick them
out.'' The Captain selected several dozen of
the smallest, when the man said go ahead,
I want more'' The Captain was now among
his largest fowls, and wished the man would
stop, but he still said, $50 on" The Captain
saw the point at last. The man kept him Sc
lecting until he purchased the entire lot at a
loss of 800 to the owner. After this the Cap
tain sold his chickens on a different plan.-
Bangor Wing.
A HEAVY FIRE INsURANCE.-The Bishop
of Peterborough cannot help saying good
things both in and out of the pulpit-especial-
" out of it. The other night rich, benev-
Olent, but somewhat brainless millionaire,
was boasting after dinner that he gave away
$1,000 to the poor regularly every year. He
said II think it is right, you know; a sort of
duty of one in my position. 1 can't say what
becomes of it, but it's given away in charity,
that's all know and that's all care about it.
Two thousand pounds every year 20 "What," "
said the bishop ''do you really mean to say
You pay away $4,000 to the poor every year
as religious duty P" II assure you, my dear
Sir. it 50. replied the wealthy man. with care
less complacency. "Well, said the witty bish-
op, ''that's the largest insurance against fire
ever heard of !''-LondOn Truth.
a. A youth lately leaving his aunt's house
after a visit, when finding it began to rain,
caught up an umbrella, that was snugly placed
in corner. and was proceeding to open it,
when the old lady, who for the first time OBJ
served his movements, sprang toward him, ex-
claiming: mo, no, that you never shall!
I've had that umbrella twenty-three years,
and it has never been wet yet, and am sure
it shan't he wet now ~
~ minister, noted for combining the
somewhat incongruous professions of preach
er and money lender, was offering PRAYER, in
which was the following petition ''Grant
that we may have more interest in heavent -
Don't do it - exclaimed one of the congrega-
tion 'sdon't do it ! The old sinner gets five
per cent month now. and that's enough,
the Lord knows