National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1882-04-01
FUN, FACT, FICTION.


Even ifa boy is always whistling "I want to be
an angel II is just as well to keep the preserved
pears ON the top shelf"
Somehow or other Mr. Blaine. in working Tho
wires, dropped his insulator in the opening Of tbs
fght.-AAdHt1 Consultation.
Teacher to n small boy: "whnt does the proyerl
say about those who live IN glass houscs2" Small
boy: " Pull down the blinds"
The man who leaves dirty water IN wash .basiS
gets 4 much shorter pair Of wings than any of tho
other angels--LouisuiRe Courier-Jomndl.
After all oscar Wilde does not look half the guy
that one OF our best young men, with knee.sprunf
legs, I'm pair Of candle mold trousers does.
just as though this country had not been pun.
ished enough already, later inhlctiou, thu
banged hair young man. is running at large.
"Thc Unseen Hand" is the title of n new book
Probably the other man didn't have anything bet
ter than pair Of trays and didn't dare to CALL
Boston Post.
The Louisville Courter-JourHdi represents the
ghost of HamIefs father as very much astonished
Mt finding when he saw Anna Dickinson that Inf
boy was n girl.
"Why do Indians get drunk2' asks the Tonper.
dnce Yorker Because they drink more whisky
than they arc guagod for. Ask us a hard onc-
burlington Hdrkcye
Philadelphia coal dealer recently received
from a prominent shoddylte, who had been to
Europe, an order for five tons OF coal delivered
Ia cart.--IhHddaphia Nctcs.
Why was Jobs wife turned into n pillar Of salti
-Jdmestown Leader There were, probably, 10,
of reasons; but when did you get n Revised Old
Testament Elevated RdiltO1y Jotnnh.
A Peoria woman missed her husband for three
weeks before she raised any row about II, ana she
might not have said anything then If his bool
had not been drawn up In the well. bucket.
The hills of LOFTY cndeavor aud high achieve.
ment lie all around us.-RocheS,cr Express And 50
do some of our brethren Of the press when they
get oil the subject of their clrculatlon-Teras ST.
bl0s.
A little fellow on Arapahoe street, being asked
by his good Episcopal mother what pleasure he
felt like giving up during Lent said he guessed
he would stay away from school,-Pomerovs Gredl
West.
There Is an article going the rounds headed
Who Kissed Away That Tearg Well we sup.
! ose II Is as well to own up first as last II iss
IN ghty mean man that won't kiss away tear
PecGs Sun,
Mrs. Langtry has heard of the mockery attend
ing the reception of Mr.. Oscar Wilde, and she hal
a feeling of dread when she thinks of appearing
before the American people. She need not feaE
She is not grotesque.
During dearth of news in Western newspaper
Office the office cat was nmmed into the job press
and tho editor Immediately set up the following
| headlines " Dreadful Accident-Nine Livei
| Lost v-BoSton Courier
Oh, yes, there is such a thing as an exhausted
receiver, but this phrase does not refer to the
ceiver of defunGt savings bank or insurance
company. You have been mislnformed, my
child-Boston Transcript.
An old couple were walking down the street
| the other day reading signs when they ran across
talN I,l,
Shirt store' "Wol 1 declared" exclaimed the
| old lady, 81 wonder how he tore II
"a Philadelphia firm few days ago drew theii
check for SG7G7 76875" 1t is supposed the partiei
| publish q newspaper and wished to pay theii
editors two weeks back salary. Thoy must have
| cut down their force since last pay day,
Two car loads of scrap iron loaded at Peoria,
ILL.,, found to consist. entirely of things stolen
from the railroad company over whose line tho
audacious thieves proposed to ship 1t to
| market-Erchdnge II was rather ironlcal.
| Francis Joseph of Austria never npplnuds when
an actor makes good hit, and he never seems Ia
care when an actor makes bad one He pro.
| serves the exact expression of countenance of
man who has an annual free pass in his pocket
Ex-Governor Gwin, of California, Is tall, stoutly.
built, with an abundance of snow white hair and
| great dignity of manner. He was in Congress with
| Webster, Clay, Calhoun, and Douglass, and was al
one time private secretary of President Jackson.
| The newest trick of tho three card monte men
| in Chicago is TO use three cards of business firms
instead of playing cards. and pretend to be merely
trying their skill as amateurs. Victims are thu
made of men who could not be deceived by tho
old method.
An out.or.town druggist entered Boston apoth.
! ccary shop and had a simple prescription put up
The charge was $3.50. He remarked that It wal
rather dear, because, as he was druggist himself
| he knew the price of the ingredients "That al.
tiers the case" was the response; seventeen cents
| please"
| The American palace hotel, to be. built on the
| Thames embankment. London, will be nine storiei
| high, accommodate / 800 guests, and will be con.
Quoted strictly after the American fashion. An
expedition will soon start for Africa In search OF
| suitable diamond for the clerks breas!pin.-
| LOlceH Courier.
The best of reasons; Astory is told of an old gen.
| tloman who always took notes of his minister
| sermon, and on one occasion read them to tho
minister himself. "Stop stop" said he, at the oc-
currcnce ola certain sentence, u didn'tsay that"
IL know you didn't" was the reply" 81 put thai
in myself to mako enso."-Goiden Rule.
Edna May Bradley eoped with Pearson, u mar
ried man, of Dallas, Texas. Her father followed
| them to Deunison and talked of using pistol, but
was pacihed by $1,000 and q promise of 5000 more,
/
| payment was not made, piano WAS seized TO sat-
isfy the claim and the whole matter became public.
a butchera at Wilmington, Del. found in the body
of heifer bought in Baltimore. which he killed
recently several links OF watch chain, a FIVE cent
| piece small spike, and silver badge. The lat
| tor article, which is In the shape of shield and
the size ola two cent piece, is badge ofthe sham
rock Association, aud contains the emblem Of tho
| order aud tho name of NJ. H. Fahey.
The police of st. Louis know of house in that
city where ladies of undoubed responsibility
nightly assemble to give vent to passion for gam
| Ing stalking their pin-money at faro and the less
| scientific games of chance black and red, chuck
a.luck, and English hazard. The games are pre-
| sided over by the lady Of the house, and though
the sums wagered always small, II is straight-
out gaming all the same.
They are Il terribly sensitive lot over In San
| Rafael Tho other day the editor of q paper in
that rural locality poked fun at n certain convict
in San Quentin for having u red nose. The brother
Of the prisoner who Is in for ten years for arson,
called around the next day and the editor and
| foreman had TO throw him down stairs three times
hand running before he concluded that he didn't
want retr0ction, after all.-sdR Hancisco Post
Poets often ask nonsenscal questions. In tho
| last number Of our Century Edith Fitzgerald cx-
! pressed desire to know "why experience did
not come to heraS soon as she was born instead OF
| waiting for number of years before putting in an
| appearance Well, you see, Edith, If you had
! boon born old your mother would have been your
! daughter, aud so on, which would have been
rather confusing to your grandmother and the
| old folks generally 1t is far better as II Is
| Graphic.
| a news item says "The cooking. main at Ham
! burg, Ca, between Georgia aud North Carolina