Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-05-22

The man, who at forty, is still depend
ent on his weekly wages, having saved
nothing, is heavily handicapped for the
home-stretch of life.
The Car gets blowed up by his wife
for flirting with circus girl, and is in
constant fear of a dynamite explosion.
We wouldn't be a Gear, circus girl thrown
in, for less than $40 week.
There is an article going the rounds
headed, ''Who Kissed Away That Tear?"
Well, we suppose it is as well to own up
to it first as last. 1t is a mighty mean
man that won't kiss away a tear.
Now that spring house-cleaning is COM
menced, life-insurance companies are
doubling their rates on married men. Be
fore taking any risk they make the man
swear that his wife never leaves cake Of
soap on the stairs.
Courtesies at an Introduction: First
Madame permit me to intro
duce my friend, M. X. He is not nearly
as much of a fool as he looks. Second
gentleman-''That is where my friend
differs from me, madame"
An Austin young man was seen coming
hurridly out of business house, which
he had entered to solicit employment as
salesman. 'Did the boss engage you as
salesman" 'No; he wanted me to trav-
ell was the ambiguous reply.
A lady was singing at charity concert
in England, and the audience insisted
upon hearing her the second time. Her
daughter, little child, was present, on
being asked afterwards how her mother
had sung, replied, Every badly for they
made her do it all over again.
A young man who thought he had won
the heart, and now asked the hand in
| marriage, Of certain young widow, was
| asked by her "What is the difference be-
| tween myself and Mr.. Baxley's Durham
cow ?" He naturally replied, s'Well, l
don't know" "Then," said the widow,
s'you had better marry the cow
Daniel Webster once good-naturedly
wrote letter for an ignorant servant,
and when he had asked him, 'Is there
anything else you wish to say, Mike?" the
man scratched his head and finally said
eyes, if you please. Just say they must
excuse the poor scholarship and want OF
sense the letter shows" And Daniel ac-
cepted the suggestion.
''Do you think, mamma said little
one, ''that Uncle Reuben is a good man?'
'Why, my child, he is the best Of all my
brothers, and an excellent man." s'And
will he go to heaven?" 81 think so, my
child. Why do you ask?" ''Oh, nothing
much" replied the child, waking from 6
sort of reverie; Il was thinking what
homely angel he'd make that's ALL
young man was ridiculing the story
of David and Goliath, asserting that il
was impossible for small boy to throw
a stone with force enough to break the
skull of a giant. He appealed to Quaker
in confirmation of his theory. s'Well,
said the man of broad-brim prejudices
''it all depends. If the giants head was
as soft as thine appears to be, it could be
done easily"
II should think you would be glat
enough when it comes night" said New
Haven woman to her neighbor. ssYor
have SO many children and they are sc
1 III.
not noisy, I'd have you to know. Tha
long-legged, open-mouthed clothes-pin o
yours makes more noise in five minute:
than nly whole seven do in a week" TIL,
truth-speaking sOiree was ended then ant
there, and when these women meet it il
like the dropping of mercury in the ther
mometer, precursing cold day.
sfDoING WONDERS FOR ME.'-A lady a