Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-05-17
SPICE AND ALLSPiCE.


WHEN is grass like protested note
| When it is all over dew.
GREYHOUND blue is the latest shade
| for travelling dresses. 1t is dog-gone
nice color, and ought to have good run.
-NeaO Orleans Pjcayune.
"CHARITY vaunteth not itself, is not
pulled up" and yet some men expect a
puff every time they give dollar to an
INDECENT old woman's society.
ADVICE to wives-Man is very much
like an egg-keep him IN hot water and
be Is bound to become hardened. --PhiE-
adeLl2hj0 Chronicle-H Herald.
The law permits you to fish for trout
now, but it does not guarantee that you
will catch any. However, it does not
prevent you from lying, Som. Jour.
SIGN on gentlemans house in Edin-
burg "Any person entering these in
closures VIII be shot and prosecuted. >
Chambers Journal.
] A MICHIGAN man told his daughter
! that If she learned to work, he would
surprise her. She learned the art. and
he surprised her by discharging the
hired girl.
A FASHION item says: "Trains Just
now are rather short" A railroad man
tells us that is explained by the fact that
summer travel has not begun yet
Lowell Citizen.
A SHOEMAKER advertises for foot-pad
that will relieve pains in the foot. The
old style foot-pad used to relieve you of
everything you had about you.-Phalo-
deLpIai0 Bulletin.
eyes" said the lady, 81 like to have
a handsome cook. You see, my hus-
bands business keeps him out late at
night and ther'd be no man III the house
if the cook didn't have policeman visit
ing her. Boston Post
The Scranton Penn Republican re-
lates that as a Wilkesbarre man took his
seat III the BARRIERS chair he asked the
barber If he had same razor he had used
two days before Being answered affirm
atively, the patient man said: "Then
give me chloroform."
In western town recently the " star"
who shoots an apple off mans head
missed his cue and killed the apple
holder. The audience was SO delighted
that it demanded an encore, and the
manager came forward and said that ow-
ing to the prodigious expense of ship
ping corpse east they would be obliged
to reluctantly forego a repetition.
ristoaO7a Herald.
TIE papers told the other day of a
miller whose marital relations were not
of the most pacific character, who fell
asleep in his mill one day. after he had
enjoyed his monday lunch. He was
rudely reused by the loss Of bunch of
hair torn from the top of his cranial ter
ritory by some part of the machinery,
and exclaimed, as he walked, 'EWel1,
we'll, wife what's the matter now ?''
The woman question was ever upper
most in his mind evidently.
THE Burlington (Vt.) Free Press has
casually found In its files of a dozen
years ago an account of little episode
in the United States senate Senator
ConkliDg had interrupted Senator Ed
munds in a speech on civil service re-
form with the supercilious remark that
the senator from Vermont was fighting
windmill. Certainly" replied Mr..
Edmunds-" the senator from New
York; A ''chuckle of appreciation, it
is said, ''ran through the senate"
SARCASM among military men is some
times expressed so that it hurts. During
the war John Morgan was IN Kentucky,
and he was particularly down on a
Federal regiment of Kentucky troops
the Thirty -second. They were stationed
at Somerset, In that state, and one day
Morgan sent flag of truce to the COM
handing officer, as follows: "Remove
the women and children and the Thirty
second Kentucky at once, as i am going
to shell the town." The feeling of the
officers and men of that Kentucky fegi-
ment can be imagined, but not de-
sclibed.-S0aa Francisco ArQoaaGWt.
A NORWEGIAN entered a street car
with a half-consumed cigar In his hand,
and sat down beside a grim-visaged vir-
gin considerably past the period of her
youthful bloom. After a time the cigar
went out, and the incense arising from
the cooling stump made the aged spin
ster's nose heave like Sandy Hook
buoy. She called the conductor to her
and said sharply: " I thought smoking
was prohibited here" $50 it is,
madam" ''lt is, Ell? Look at this
loafer." ST can't help it, madam; his
cigar isn't lighted. "Well, then," she
shouted, "for heavens sake make him
light it.. Women are not always per-
fectly logical. Brooklyn Eagle.
"YoU are looking bad" remarked
Snowberger to Col Percy Yerger.
"What's the matter?" ''The doctor
says my lungs are affected and that I
must not take more than three drinks a
day. ST would try some other doctor"
"I did, and he said the same thing"
"Well, then, if each one of them said
you could take three drinks day, that
makes six drinks" 81 never thought of
that before I'll see the rest Of the doc
tors in Austin, and if they all say I can
take three drinks day, that will make
make about sixty drinks day, and that
is as much as is good for an invalid" :
Teas SJtings
On a certain occasion train, which
Merewether had gone to meet, was some
what late. A testy old gentleman,
stranger to Merewether, got out of all
patience at the delay and exclaimed:
"What an internal station this is! They