The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1882-10-12
FUNNY BUsfNEsS.I J.
Clipped and Arranged by Our
= Laughing Man. asi4 'ta

4 CApped ana Arranged by Our
| Laughing Man. ast4 'ia
Michigan has had only twenty-one IA
tai cases OF loekjaW resulting from tha
toy pistol, but the threshing machine
mas begun TO encourage statisticians.-,
lDatroit Free Press. -
The Brldgeport( (Me.) News calmly saws
THE types last week made us say that
the showers were not sufficient 10 meat
thelwants Of milkmen,' ETC., Instead oe
millmen."
"A hotel was burned down I'm New YorVr
not long ago, and Texas editor lost am
MS baggage. That was the reason tina
papers said the loss was not as large a.
was at first supposed.--lT Texas SiftinRa-
Anew edition of Webster's Dietionary
has!Just been issued. 1t has a velvet
cushion on one cover, thus greatly in
sreaSing us c0nVentenee and comfort
for the baby whose chair Is reinforced
with II at the table, Boston Post.
Scene, a butchers stand. Butcher.
| Come. John, be lively now; break tha
DOnes IN Mr. WilliamS's chops, and pUk
MI. Smiths ribs In the basket for him. -
| John (briskly): "Au right, siri inst "a
legP
| a Vefmonter has invented a water
telescope with which he claims he ear
see nYe cent piece In forty feet of wa
ter. But the blasted telescope doesnse
bring the coin up, so seeing IL is onIT
an aggraYation, and we don't want any
such instrument.-[ Boston Post.
Awriter In magazine tells how To
u1nze old tin cans. They are to be do
corated, OF course; and from the dir0e-
lions given we infer that an old tomato
cam with several hours labor, and at
Sne me %trlnlng expense Of a couple of dol
lars. can De converted into an ornament
town Herald.
Fsshlon item: Miss Brown, who is no
longer young. was Gliding Miss MOiFa
TOT her fOOliShness In CARVING naraaoT
winch Miss Brown said was useless and
| q piece OF affectatiOn. "I never carry a
| parasol," she said. "No." renlied Mia
Moire, people on the shady side of life
nave no use for them"
| A reminder: There Is a story told of
l q very consequential head waiter. wh0
OBSERVING man tie his napkin around
MS neck preparatory to commencing his
meal, went up to him and said: 9YOn
have made a mistake, sir; this isn't a
Dar0er shop" 1t Wa9 a yerV good re-
| situation.
The WOman's Christian Temnaranna
Union at san Antonio passed some resO-
lutlons the other day, one Of which ia tn
the enect that: Thousands of VidnvTs
sit IA hopeless weeds on account az
~ sCIOhg urlnk. Those widows ought
What are those widows doin9 in the
"eeus' anyhow Come out of the weeds.
SAID the practical man: ''You can tam.
az you want to about phrenolo0v"
THINK It Is all stuff. The only imneTtaUt
pump ever found on my craniIlm wac
nere-rlgnt In the middle of NV fore
neadEand 1T was made by a base haIB
pat concluded to call 1t the bump Of
Ignorance 1 didn't know
enough to get out of the way."-fTow-
| ell Citizen.
| Sporting: "Is the game prettv 0ood
this seasOn?" asked California fo5riSt
OF san francisco urchin who with
dlhculty supported upon his shOuIdar a
LOWiing-plece almost as big as himseIf.
Sllly, said the boy. ''Plenty of snipe,
ployer and ducks, suppOse2" ''Snipes
tPiOEeI-oucksE Nav" was the con-
temptuous answer. PLENTY of China
menlY -
An exchange says that Prof. SchifH.
the Florentine vivisectOr, has used nm
more rhan 1900 days In his expert
ments. Ii Professor Schfff win inst
Orlng MS working tools and viVisectinR
room to America, he will receive a wei.
OOIaS warmer ana more cordial a thOus-
and fold than has been extended to Os-
car wilson or Tug Wilde or Jumbo, or
all three cOmbined.--[Burling Hawk
eye.
Shocking: A conscientious lad was
reproached by his guardian for express
Ing a. disinclinatiOn to go to church.
They were sitting at the breakfast table
and the boys face 5addened at the re-
buke. II don't wish to be harsh with
you in such a matter, said the aimiabIe
old gentleman, 'but what is the cause
OF your reluctance?" On it. there
it is again" he exclaimed impetuouslv.
choking with fish bone; "I can't 20 To
church consistently while the shad sea-
son lasts"