The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1882-04-07
VOL. XXVI----NO. II.
VARIETIES.

John said teacher, "pm very sorry
to have to punish YOU" "Then DON'T iii
let you off this time" responded John
"A quarryman said he couldn't see any
danger in smoking while he was handling
powder He can't see anything now.
us that your little boy?" mo, not ex-
actly; when he was week old he was left
on the doorstep. am, you may say, his step
father"
"A tobacconist in London whose name
was Far, hung out the sign, "The best tobac
co by Far" A rival dealer across the street
not to be outdone, put up the sign, Ear bet
ter tobacco than the best tobacco by Far"
"A celebrated lawyer said the three
most troublesome clients he ever had were
young lady who wanted to be married, Il
married woman who wanted to get a divorce
and an old maid who didn't know what she
wanted.
-"Do you know, my DEAR" said a husband
to his wife that there is never a divorce
case without Il woman in it," Her re-
Spouse was "Do you know, my love, that
there is never breach ofpromise case with
out very mean man in it ?"
-"lIow do | manage to rid myself of
bores?" said Il woman of the world
"Nothing is easier. When | want to send
man away, | talk to him about myself When
| want him TO stay indefinitely, talk about
himself
"A Frenchman having heard the phrase,
1--WE got other fish to fry" very readily learn
ed its application. One evening, after escort
ing young lady home, and being invited to
walk in, he thought of the above expression,
and excused himself by saying, ~ tank you
i must go cook some fish"
II believe" observed Judge as he adj
Ourned n court to attend q convention before
which his name was to be presented for nom
nation, that Office should seek the man, not
the man office. But when the office is seek
ing the man. there is no harm in a man be.
ing around where the office is likely to find
him without any trouble"
"A Scotch minister was one day busy
catechizing his young parishioners before
the congregation, when he put the first ques-
ton to Stout girl whose father kept public
house: What is your name?" No reply
The question being repeated, the girl re-
piled, Name oyer fun, Mr.. Minister, sc ken
my name wecl eneuch. Dye no say when
We come to our house on n night, Bet, bring
me some ale"
"A man went into Il drugstore and asked
for something to cure headache The drug
gist held bottle of hartshorn to his nose
and he was nearly overpowered by its pung-
ency. As soon rs he recovered, he began to
rail at the druggist, and threatened to punch
his head, But didn't it help your head
ache?" asked the apothecary. Help my
headache" gasped the man. II haven't any
headache Its my wife that's got the head
ache"
An epitaph is curious place in which
to look for wit, but there are two epitaphs
which, while they excite smile, do not in
terfcre with more serious thoughts. When
the actor Burbadge died, his friends ponder
ed over suitable inscription, and at last hap
PLY hit upon this, which is simple enough
and yet tells the whole story: Exit Burb-
adge" When Charles Knight died, .Tcrrold
suggested that this equally simple inscrip-
ton should be put on his tomb. Good
Knight"
1T is said that if you have presence of
mind enough to face II raging bull and look
straight into his eyes, he is powcress to do
you harm. "Wc tried this experiment once
says an agricultural contemporary and found
it worked admirably. 1.-THE fierce animal
tore the ground with his feet, and beloved
with all his might but something seemed to
hold him back like magic, and he did us no
injury. Perhaps we ought to add in order
to be correct historically, that the bull was
on the other side of fence. We never try
an experiment of that kind without taking
proper precautions beforehand"