Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-01-04

The National Question.
From the Brooklyn Eagle.
my DEAR" said Mrs. spoopendyke as she
wiped the corner of the baby mouth, and curled
up roll on the top of its head, ''why don't YOU
60 and be an expert?"
Expert In what?" demanded Mr.. Spoopen
dyke, dropping his paper. .'What kind of ar
expert?"
Don't You knowa An expert who goes t.
court and tells right out what he thinks of hypo
thetical questions and heads, and knows py the
almanac just when a man is crazy and when he
isn't"
Anything particular the matter with your
mead this trip" roared Mr.. SpoOpendyke "Been
reaulbg some cid cook book lately? Whatre
you taking about? What dress pattern have
you got hold of now?"
Il was reading about Mr. Guiteau." replied
Mrs. SpoOpendyke, land thought how much
better 1t must be to be an expert than to know
anything about the case! That's why asked.
IL man knows anything they always prove that
ne don't, but If he is an expert he lust swears
ends it,
Il spose you think I've had so much expert
ence in idiocy at home that could make a for
tune as an expert, sputtered Mr.. Spoopendyke
Il tell you they are intelligent men. They make
up their minds and swear to their opinions. &C
|oiuiHS W INV. W men revised statutes at
large provide for me as an expert, as they pro-
vide for idiots. lunatics, habitual drunkards.
and married women. I'll go into the business,''
ana Mr. Spoopendyke winked at himself tri-
umphantly. as he thought over the last shot
well rejoined Mrs SpoOpendyke bridng
Indignantly, IF the revised statutes provide
that way, they ought to be shut up They've
no business at large. didn't know that these
experts were legaZed. l supposed they lust
went there to help their friends along'
No. they don't either" retorted Mr. Spoop-
is insane or not
But what do they want to drown him for?"
argued Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''There they were
all talking at once and getting along pleasantly.
when all of a sudden Mr.. Porkhill and Colonel
Corker ana Mr.. Savage throw Mr.. Guiteau into
the dock!''
Drown your grandmothers hind leg!" howled
MI Spoopendyke. what dye think "a law dock
Is: Got notion it's measly pond with green
scum on top of it? Spose it's two inch mud
puddle with fence around it. and Congress
slonai appropriation to make it navigabIe? It's
a pen, tell We; rallied off pen in the court
room: where they put prisoners! Guiteau both
ereo the experts so that they had to put him in
the pen Think you understand it nOw?''
vi course, assented Mrs. SpOOpendyke
put ,ou5 why didn't they put Mr.. Scoville and Mr.
feed there, too: They are trying to bother the
experts Just as much as Guiteau did. They
won't let the poor men alone"
Dont you know the difference between a
lawyer and crmnal?' ripped Mr.. Spoopen-
uyKe, "or is that too fine distinction for you !?
Reed and ScOvile are defending Guiteau Por-
ter and Corkhill and Davidge are prosecuting
him. Of course his lawyer will cross examine
The witnesses against him. But it's no use to
explain anything to you
Il understand that much.' returned Mrs.
Spoopendyke, but | don't understand what
Judge Cox means by pitching into the lawyers
and overriding their questions. The first he
KNOWS the experts will swear that he is an
asymmetrical. and then he'll be put in the dock
with Gu'teau. where it will 60 hard with him.
l tell you a Judge can't be too careful how he
behaves" and Mrs. Spoopendyke pinned the
babys skirts around it's legs and smoothed
out it's dress
"Wow!" yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke, unable for
an instant to throw his feelings into any CO.
herent form of speech. You've struck it,
You're whole barrel Of canned Judiciary! All
you want now is red label on your back and
some marginal votes to be a dOd gasted law
library! Ii you'd change assistants once a
month and win four cases during one term of
Office. you'd only need three deodands and a
pug nat TO be district attorney You've got
the idea. There's nothing more to be said on
either side! Give you black petticoat with
sleeves to it and wart Oh your nose, and you'd
only want a restaurant i'm the basement and
lounge upstairs to be United States Supreme
Court. What dye suppose a Judge is for sub
sttutc? Think he sits around to ease the pris-
oner. turn and turn about? Got some kind of
ali idea that he is a dod gasted work on ETH
quette, with notified leaves and a yellow bind
ING. and Tommy from Fanny on the fly? | tell
you he presides! And anybody but half
"itted woman who didn't think with her heels
and reason with the rat hole next door wouldn' t
need to be told of it more times than she makes
measiy idiot of herself"
q" If he presides. it's all right" rcjoined Mrs
Spoopendyke, with a sigh OF relief "but ] got
the idea that he went there to feel the public
sentiment. and then say those were his views.
and he was only helping the prosecution to see
TIL" error of Gulteau's ways before his conduct
was snapped up and used against him.
Mr.. SpoOpendyke drew Off his clothing sol
EMMY. fired the pieces into different corners:
and waded into bed with the stern reflection
that q" some people only needed side whiskers
and Il note book full OF bad lectures on repealed
statutes to be a modern law school!'
:" don't care, muttered Mrs Spoopendyke
- like those experts. and wish my husband
would go into the business. They may not hang
Mr.. Guteau, but they'll find the jury insane,
and Mr.. Porter will have to look up some other
kind of job. for this trial can't last forevern
With which satisfactory solution of the ma
tional complication. Mrs. Spoopendyke un-
dressed the baby, dropping the pins where Mr.
Spoopendyke would be sure to find them the
moment he stepped out of the bed in the MORN
ing.