Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-06-06
HUNoR.

A man is not necessarily Southerner
because he has Mobile face.
Oeomargarine, despite its high-soundipg
name. is butter fraud after ALL Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Thirty wears is said to be the life OF
locomotive. Possibly they would live
longer if they did not smoke so much'
Why do elderly spinsters have predi'
lection for parrots? Well, they have no
man about the house, and they want some-
thing around that can swear. Boston
Post.
At town meeting large taxpayer rote
up to protest against building new school
house in a certain part of the town.
whats the good of it," asked he.
"They are an ignorant set down there,
anyway"
If the astronomers would only make
February three months long and thus have
May the first spring month, there would
be a good deal less growing in this latl'
tude. The climate is all right /: the trouble
is with the almanac.
"Ah % he exclaimed, as he pressed her
tenderly at parting, "shall | hold you IN
these arms tomorrow and paint our future
with the bright pigments of the imagina'
tion ?" "N0," she said calmly, " not to-
morrow. To.morrow's wash day..
Daughter of Cabinet Minister" 1t
would give me pleasure to use my nfuence
with papa for the appointment you want,
but il is already filed" Applicant-"Oh,
but surely he could put in subordinate as
well. There must be nothing to do enough
for two !"
''I say, old lady," said man on coun-
try road, "did you see bicycle pass here
just now - No, | didn't see no kind OF
sickel, mister, but just now seed wagon
wheel runnin' away with man. You can
believe it or no. | wouldn't If [ hadn't
seed it myself.
An Irishman twin brother to the one
who swore "By the powers. he'd never go
into the water till he could swim y once
putting on a new pair of boots, remarked
'Sure and sartin, I'll never bs able to get
on those internal boots till I've worn 'em
at laist a wake"
A lady in town painted plaque in the
most exquisite manner, and expressed it
to friend. Soon after an0te of acknowl-
edgment came, in which the lady stated
that it is altogether too nice to use every
day, so l only use it for bread plate when
we have company"
Rather lazy fellow went into the SER
vice OF a farmer in 'Carrick. He brought
very high character from his late master.
His new master meeting his old one, asked
him how he could give his last servant so
good character. Deed, said the other,
Z" the fact is he needed it a..
A religious tract, called Put Not Your
Trust in Princes" was thrown into the sa
loon of simple I'D German. He read the
title and solilo4uizfd: Veil, | don't put
some drust in Brinces. Dey must pay der
cash in dis shop shust der same as vite
mans" Norristown Herald. :.
"See here" said fault.inding husband
to his wife, 1--WE must have things ar
ranged in this house SO we shall know just
where everything is kept" With all
my heart" she sweetly answered land
let us begin with your late hours should
dearly Ike to know where they are kept.
He let things run on as usual.
A famous north country clergyman,
while preaching few Sundays since from
the text, I" He giveth His beloved sleep,
stopped in the middle of his discourse,
gazed upon his slumbering congregation,
and said Brethren, it is hard to realize
the unbounded love which the Lord ap.
pears to have for a large portion of my
present auditory l"-[London Life.
Where the shoe pinches. Eldest Daugh,
ter :" l think you might let me come out
mamma I'm 20, you know, and surely
/ have finished my education !" Festive
Mamma (by no means prepared to act the
part of Chaperone and Wallhower) Not
yet, my love. Society is so hollow
really must preserve that sweet girlish
freshness of yours little while longer"
A new agony. and one that is in every
way admirable. is for a Young lady to en-.
tertain her gentleman caller with a few
arias on that classical instrument. the
banjo. The true and deep sipniGcance of
this is, Don't 90 to the minstrels any