Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-06-22
Wanted His Waterproof.
[Brooklyn Eagle. |

MY DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, pulling
the shams off the bed, where is my-my-
where is my-you know what mean. What
did you do with it ?''
"Your shawl strap" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, dropping the baby into the crib. "Oh,
I know your dumb bells Is that what you
want 2"
HAS that shawl strap got sleeves to it?'
demanded Mr. Spoopendyke, ransacklng the
sewing machine "Are those dumb bells
split up the back and torn around the collar?
You know what want my rubber overcoat
Where did you put it 2" and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke pulled lot of letters out of the pigeon
hole to his wife's desk and spilled them along
the floor.
"Where did you have it last murmured
Mrs Spoopendyke, with her finger in her
mouth and CONSERVATION in her eye.
Had it on" growled Mr.: spoopendy Ike.
"Where'd s'pose l had it? Think l had 1t
for lunch? Don't you know where the
measly things gone to? Spry around now
and find it! Take your finger out OF your
mouth; don't suppose it's in there Get
that coat before it clears up, will you?" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke shook the clock and then
peered into the mantle vases.
II don't believe it's going to rain much,
anyway faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, who
couldn't remember having seen the coat for
month when it looks like this it's always
going to sunshine" and she followed him
around the room in tiutter of apprehension.
"Of course it isr' snorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke Things are going to do just what
YOU tell 'em to. If yoL had lot OF tin
figures in front and streak OF mercury up
your spine, you'd only need sheet iron case
and a tin handle to be barometer. you'll
look along your measly information about
the weather, praps you'll find that overcoat
at the other end of il. Where's that coat
Going to let ne stand here and soak while
the moths pick that coat into shad net
Take me by the elbow and lead me to that
coat and Mr.. Spoopenkyke tipped the sofa
over so that he could see under it, and then
slapped plaster bust of Minerva against the
wall, under the impression that the coat
might have crawled into her ear.
ITS the strangest thing in the world, D
giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke, Historically.
Are you sure you wore it home?"
"IfI didn't how'd it get home p roared
Mr. Spoopendyke, putting his hands on his
knees and grinning in his wife's face. "S'pose
it hired hack and drove home? On, no!
didn't wear it home. The last saw OF it, 1t
had its hat over its ears and female water
proof over its arm, piking up Fulton street
as happy as an alderman's funeral !! What,re
We standing there for! Got some indistinct
notion that the dod gasted coat has gone to
get shaved, haven't ye? Who'd We give it to?
Been endowing metaphysical chair in some
kind of an old woman's home with it,
haven't We? Where's the coat? Develop the
coat before vitiate the insurance" " and Mr.
Spoopendyke kicked his wife's workbasket
across the room and rammed his arm to the
shoulder up the chimney.
Do you remember where you Wore it last!'
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, suddenly becoming
calm and analytical.
~ wore it on my back! protested Mr.
Spoopendyke, who didn't know if he had
taken it to church or to hospital" Maybe
you're under the impression that tied it to
a stick and wheeled it along on the buttons
On my back, tell ye! On this particular
back p and Mr. Spoopendyke almost broke
his arm pointing out the attraction referred
to. Most folks fit up their rubber coats
with bent wire and focus, and wear em
for spectacles, but hadn't time so wore il
on my back! Bring forth the coat" yelled
Mr.. Spoopendyke spinning around like top
Fetch out the measly coat before the pro
prietor of these premises makes up his mine
whether he'll build new house here o.
mortgage the lotw
"You wore it the day it rained, and whel
it cleared off in the afternoon | noticed tia
you had on your Spring overcoat," said Mrs
Spoopendyke quietly.
"Great headn grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke
beginning to feel uncomfortable, and won
dering how it was coming out, With you
perceptiye faculties and meteorological edu
cation, you only need one more leg and {
clear night to be a dod gasted street telescop
at ten cents peep! What of it? 'Spose
did wear Spring overcoat It's Spring, ain
! it?
"And I don't know" continued Mrs. Spoo
pendyke, "but think you had it ON owe
your waterproof. If you'll look, you ma,
! find the rubber coat inside of the other now.
Mr.. Spooendyke growled and snorted hi
way to the closet, like foghorn, and foun'
things as his wife had predicted.
Smart, amt yep he grumbled, as h.
hauled out the waterproof Great power
of inductive reasoning! Some day Pm goinl
to fit you up with stiff neck and pot
beans and start Concord School of Philoso
ply with you"
And with this threat Mr.. SpOopendyk
threw the coat over his arm, and all the wa.
| to Coney Island entertained his trien'
Specklewater with description of his habit
| Of order, (which are so perfect, sir, that
could put my thumb on anything l wanted
sir-if my wife would only let things alone!