Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1882-04-22
Humorous Paragraphs.

they are now called GLUCOSE tensions. =
Philadelphia Ne,,S.
When baseball nine gets goose egg,
10 II laid to the fouls or by them P Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Why is doctor better taken care of than
his patients? Because when he COOS to
bed somebody is sure to rap him up.
A California silk worm has spun yarn
nine miles long. Sea captains might n.
well hang up.-Dctroa Free Press.
A London paper says that short honey.
moons are the fashion now. II is pro.
sunod the honeymoon ends when the last
quarter is spent,
Many q young fellow is premnturoly
spoiled by the reputation Of being quick
wittcd, and consequently is quics quilted
also.
Teacher" How does tho Garth absorb
water ?" Pupil-"I.ike dog" Teacher
-" How do yon mako that out?" Pupil
-"D Don't we read of the lap of the earth ?"
Teacher--"Go up another grade"
A French surgeon has MORALLY offended
the dueling world of Paris by going to
recent meeting on the field of honor with
nothing but piece of court plaster in his
vost pocket Cincinnati Commercial.
New style of Western Joke: Suppose
there was man named Icular, and he had
q dog. When they were together they
could not lie down because they world
have to ROMAN purp.and-Iculnr.
II am tighter from Bitter Creek I'm
al 80. ,,.,kt t,
three rows Of front teeth and marry tooth
alike. The folks on Bitter Creek are bad !;
the higher You go up the wuss they are,
and I'm from the head waters. y Waiter
sons " oddities Of Southern Life"
Coming events, etc" North country
magnate to tenant farmer: "Well, Mr..
Cliff, SO we're going TO have an election.
How do you-hum-what do you-think
about il 2" Dalesman, warily: "Think
about it, sir: Whaay, I thinks sl,nll be
shakkin' hands wi somo grseat foallss wary
shortly n'--Lon0on Ptu.ch.
Mrs. Smith COMPATIBILITY =" Poor Mrs.
Siren they say she has been ordered to y
warmer climate. Do you think she will 60 ?"
Mrs. Brown (grimly) not while
she lives"
\ bald-headed professor, reproving q
youth for the exercise Of his fists, said ::
"We fight with our heads at this college"
The youth reflected a moment and then re-
piled: "Ah, | see, and You have butted
| all your hair Off"
In Texas breach of promise suit, the
counsel decided not to have the letters read,
and the Court ruled that they need not be
introduced. But the most popular man in
town rose up and said that the crowd had
come there to hear them letters read, and
! they wouldn't mildly put up with no impo-
sition in the way oil disappointment.
The letters were read.
| An Indian Chief, while in Washington,
was taken to see burlesque show. After
the performance he remarked, through an
interpreter, that the great father was very
kind to send the poor Indians blanket,
when they were so much needed at home
a Philadelphia boy was taken to @
symphony concert recently and on return.
ing said he guessed those fddlers must like
their teacher, for, although he was always
threatening to rap them over the knucklei
with his black, ruler. he did not hit theu
once.
Fitton was in great foros. got him t.
refresh my memory with his story Of {
Dublin Professor who said to his class
Gentlemen, Hon. Mr.. Boyle was grea
man; he was the father of chemistry ant
unclo to the Earl of Cork" from which
says Fitton, his pupils worked out the con
clusion that chemistry and the Earl o
Cork were first counns.-Letser OF 81,
Charles LoyeR.
1t was evening. Three OF them wer,
killing cat. Ono Of them held lantern
another held tho cat, and the third jammet
; pistol into the cats car and fred, shoot
ing the man in the hand who held the cat
and the one with the lantern was WOUNDED
in the arm. The cat left when it saw how
matters stood and that ill.feeling was bein.
engendered. Haruard Dolly Herald.
A young lady who graduated from
high school last July is teaching school u
in New Hampshire. A bashful young gen
tleman visited the school the other day, an,
WAS asked by the teacher to say a few word
to the pupils. This was his speech
, "Scholars, i hope you viii always low
. your school and your teacher as much as
wv .e'1 6'kS""b "oy' gu" nN'
, and blushing schoolma'am.
The Fabian policy: A bear. wishing t
, rob a bee hive, laid himself down in from
of it and overturned It with his paw
snow" said he, !" ] win lie perfectly sti
and let the bees sting me until they are OF
hnusted and powerless; their honey ma
then DO obtained without opposition" An
it was so obtained, bnt by . fresh bsar, til
other being dead.-Detrois Free Press.
Two ladies recently presented thenselvs
.. at the door Of fancy ball, and being aske
what characters they psrsonated. they n
piled that they were without any speci
costume, whsreupon the stupid fsllo
bawled out, 1.-TWO ladies without any cha
acter"'
b In q Western town recently tho star
s who shoots an apple of mans head nisss
S his cue and killed tho apple-holdsr. I'll
s audience was SO delighted that it demands
8 an encore, and the manager camo forwai
y and said that owing to the prodigous O
n pense Of shipping q corpse East they won
j. be obliged to reluctantly forego rspetitio
I, They tell Of man out West who W
putting blast in we'll ard it went