The Owosso times., 1882-01-06
CROOKED WAYS.
BY CHARLES DIMMING.


Like a good many other young men
and women too, for that matter, =.
was once badly afflicted with cacoethe.
scribendi. OF course greater evils
might have befallen me; might have
been seized with passion for whisky
or gambling; but, still, my cacoeths'
scribendi was serious enough. During
my college days the symptoms showed
themselves plainly; but the malady did
not really assume its true and awful
proportions until had taken my de-
gree. Then forsooth, it fastened upon
ME like leech aud before many
months elapsed it over-mastered me
completely. In accordance with my
mothers wish, went to Dundee, ss-
tensibly to read law with my uncle,
but it was mere pretence of law-read-
ing, for the mornings that 1 ought to
have spent over Blackstone were de-
voted to the composition of a novel
and the afternoons to the polishing of
some poems. Uncle Dick shook his
head gravely and demonstrated, seme-
times in sadness and sometimes in an
ger.
That scribbling will never amount
to anything he would say contempt
Ously. This was hard to bear; but my
lofty aspirations sustained me, and,
firm in my belief of ultimate success,
scribbled on and ever, and bombarded
all the magazines in the country with
NY manuscripts. The magazines did
not open their columns to me, and fell
back at last upon the weekly newspa-
pers, and especially upon the Boston
Weekly Palladium. That journal
printed my essays and certain assist
ant editor, whose initials were 'F. b.
S.,' sent me polite notes from time to
time. 1t was something to see my pro-
ductions in print; it would have
been more had these propuctions
once in a while brought in a
check. But they never did; they elic-
tied only polite notes from F. b. S.
Finally, / wrote letter to the assist
ant editor upon the subject, and by re-
turn post received reply. 1t was
sent to my private box at the post-ofiice
but, to my great amusement. was di-
rected to Jane Bell instead of John
My handwriting was not very distinct,
and perhaps trihe feminine, and the
signature, upon which / rather prided
myself, certainly left it an open ques-
tion whether John OrJane were meant
The note, too, began
MISS BELL,--In reply to your ques-
ton, would say that this Journal pays
its regular corps of writers. We are
glad to receive your articles, and per-
haps later may make adequate COM
pensation therefor; but, as a young
writer, it would be wiser for you to
think at present only of securing foot
hold. You have an excellent chance
of success in the end; but much
patience is necessary at the outset.
please say whether 1 shall direct
further communications to Jane Bell,
Miss Bell, or Mrs. Bell. At present l
do not venture to give you any title,
Very truly yours,
Fl. B. SCREvEN.'
This letter at once amused and piqued
me. 1t was pleasant and rather en-
couraging, but it was plain the writer
set me down as an impecunious young
women, whereas the truth was / had
a very gair income of my own, and
was six-foot, mustached specimen of
masculinity. The idea of playing the
role OF Miss Jane Bell tickled my fancy,
and therefore, giving my imagination
free rein, upon the spur OF the moment
1 sat down and wrote as follows:
Fl. B. SCRENEN,-At present 1 also
am in quandary, for / do not know
whether / ought to address you as
Madame, Monsieur, or MademOiselle.
The last title is mine just tnow, although
of course feel at liberty to change it
when 1 choose, or rather when the
proper opportunity offers itself. Per-
haps matrimony would be a more
profitable speculation than literature.
Do not, however, suppose am depend
ent upon my pen for my bread and but
ter. In this case, 1 fear, the butter
would be very thin indeed. No; the
fates have given me most Of the lux.
urios of life; but these, of course, dc
not satisfy me. The reason why 1
wrste as 1 did about payment because
/ Thought if they were good enough to
print they were good enough to be
paid for. 1t seems 1 was mistaken
but, to show you that L take your ad
vice, send you another essay. j will
at least try to secure foothOld. ant
pray that greater success may fol
low.
Il am, dear Madame, Monsieur, ol
Mademoiselle Screven.
Sincerely yours.
JANE BELL
Laughing in my sleeve, sent thil