Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-10-04
WIT AND HUM0R.


WIT AND HUMOR.
Imagination rules the world.-Na-
poleon.
Could Pagan-ini be called an iniid-
die baltimore American.
Teacher-And what comes after L I?
Pupil-You do, to sec my sister Ann
Maria.-Grip.
Hanlan is not interested in mining
operations, Notwithstanding he has
made so much money out Of his oar
Boston Transcript.
"What is love-" asks all exchange.
Love, my friend, is thinking that you
and the girl can be an eternal panic
to each other.-Ex.
The best reason yet advanced for
having Monday washing day, the
next day after Sunday, is because
cleanlinessis is next to godliness.-Low-
ell Citizen.
Roughs in Texas break up camp
meetings and convert them into dances,
and when the meetings get prolonged
and the roughs don't appear, the
women get awful nervous.-Ex.
When man kums to me for advice
| find out the kind Of advice he wants,
and give it to him; this satisfies him
that he and / are two az smart men
az there is living.-Josh Billings.
Is there any double meaning any
where, when a member of the forty
seventh Congress says: 81 have no
doubt that my constituents will go by
me "-Louisville Courier-Journal.
The girls of the Sunny cline dis
cribe this world as one of "bustle, toll
and care" We agree with them-the
women have all the hustle, and the
men have the toll and care.-Cam-
bridge Tribune.
A Michigan paper says; "Bears
are going to be thicker than grasshop-
pers in the woods of Michigan this
winter" Dare say. Grasshoppers
don't absolutely infest the Michigan
woods during winter time.-Boston
Post.
English naturalists have discovered
that the English sparrow picks the
eyes out of the young of other birds.
The more one learns about the English
sparrow, the less good one can say of
him. We believe he eats onions, and
sucks cows.-Burlington Hawkeye.
"Why is Mrs. Brown putting Oh so
many airs of late?" asked Mrs. Jones
of Mrs. Smith. Haven't you heard
of their windfall" rejoined Mrs.
Smith mo, what is it?" said Mrs.
Jones. "Why, Mr.. Browns uncle in
the country has just died and left him
forty bushels of oats. ."-Ex.
A gentleman talking the other day
to a bright little five year old boy who
lives up street, somewhere, asked him:
"Do you ever fight at home ?" 60,
yes" said the boy. "Well, whom do
you fight with?" 90, my sister"
"Wcll, who whips? :" 80, mamma
whips Buffalo Express.
A country women presents in n
photograph studio. 81 have come sir,
to have a picture of my poor, dear
husband made. He-he died three
months ago." "Havc you any da-
guerreotype or portrait or anything of
the loved and lost?" "N-no, sir but"
-burstinginto tears-"I have brought
his birth-certifcate v-Ex.
John Van Buren, was one day riding
in the cars with n lady friend, who,
happening to see some boys in bathing
close to the track, said: isn't it n
shame that boys are allowed to bathe
in such places?' Van Buren, slapped
on his eyeglasses, looked sharply at
the boys, and then remarked "They
are boys, amt they PIX.
Some men have tact. Said the
bridegroom, who didn't wish either to
offend his bride or die of internal dis
turbance: "My dear, this bread looks
delicious but is this the first you have
ever made. | cannot think of eating
it, but perserve it to show to our child
rem in after years as sample of their
mothers skill and deftness. ."-Ex.
Conkling has not got over the effect
Of his resigning yet. He reminds one
Of women ut u crowded French
country theatre who fell from the
gallery to the pit and was picked up
by one of the spectators, who, hearing
her groaning, asked her if she was
much injured. "Much injured I"
exclaimed the women, 81 should
think am. have lost the best seat
in the very middle of the front row."
Texas Siftings.
"What methodical fellow you are,
Brown" said Filkins, who had stepped
into Browns Office, during the latter's
absence. "Why what do you mean ?"
asked Brown, who had just entered.
"Mean ?" echoed Filkins "to think
that you should lock all your drawers
up when you are only going out for
five minutes 'Tisn't likely that any
body would meddle with your papers" :"
"Of course not" replied Brown !;
"but how did you find out that the