davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-11
Coronation Of the Oar

There seems to be a great deal OF
anxiety as to whether the Gar will live
through the Coronation" which is to
take place Oct LIST, at Moscow. The
nihilists are making every preparation
to have the coronation grand success
as a funeral, and they have taken con.
tract to provide the corpse. The placing
of the crown on the czar's head, and the
regalia of his rank on his person could
be done without danger, if they could
engage some American firemen to at.
tend to it. They would arrange it as
they do harness for a fire horse, hang.
ing it on hooks. In most engine houses
the harness is arranged SO when a
horse comes prancing out dingus is
touched and the harness drops on the
horse and fastens itself. The czar's
crown could be hung up, and his re-.
gala held by safety pin attached to
an electric battery, and his pants and
boots fixed with the legs of the pants in
the boots, and the pants rolled down
over the boot tops, the way the fremen
have their pants and boots by the side
of the bed. Then the car could be in
bed at the place where the coronation is
to be held, and at the proper time fire
alarm could be rung and he could jump
out of bed and land in the boots, and
pull up the pants as he runs, and button
them, and just as he arrived in the pres.
ence of the vast audience, with his pants
and boots on, the dingus could be touch.
ed, and the regalia and the crown could
fall upon him and be fastened by snaps,
like fire horse harness, and the czal
could be crowned before anybody knew
what was going on. If firemen can
make q hitch in ten seconds, we do not
see why czar cannot be harnessed in
even less time. 1t might be necessary
to have fireman stand back of the car
with a barrel stave, to hit him across
the flank when he jumps from the couch,
the way they do a lazy fire horse, but
certainly the coronation could be sue
cessfully accomplished in this way, and
if some Russian Jew, who is returning
to his native land, will take copy Of
this paper to the car and point out this
article to him, we are sure the car will
appreciate it, and perhaps he w0ulo
award the refugee by ordering him Il
be ham-strung and his property destroy.
ed by fire, and his family murdered
PecHs San.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-11

The English traveller in America inn
mcdiately seeks Salt Lake City. Then
he sits down and writes as if Salt Lake
had never before been mentioned in
print. He tries to be humorous. The
other day spirited English traveller
asked Mormon woman why she was
willing to marry atenth of a man. She
replied, "because he is nine-tenths Eng
lsh and married the other tenth"
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-11
For Husbands.

Don't think when you have won q
wife that you have won also slave.
Don't think that your wife has less
feeling than your sweetheart. Her re-
lationship to you is simply changed, not
her nature
Don't think that you can dispense with
all the little civilities of life toward her
on marrying. She appreciates those
things quite as much as other women.
Don't be gruff and rude at home
Had you been that sort of fellow be-
fore marriage, the probabilities are that
you would be sewing on your buttons
still.
Don't make your wife feel that she is
anincumbrance on you by giving grudgg-
ingly. What she needs, give cheerfully
as if it were q pleasure to do so. She
will feel better and so will you.
Don't NEEDLE in the affairs Of the
house under her charge. You have no
more right to be poking your nose into
the kitchen than she has to walk into
your place of business and give direc-
tons to your employees.
Don't find fault with her extrava-
gance in ribbons, ETC., until you have
shut down on cigars, tobacco, whisky,
etc.
Don't leave your wife at home to
nurse the children, on the score of econ
omy, while you bolt down town at night
to see the show or spend dollar on bill
lizards.
Don't bolt your supper and hurry off
to spend your evenings lounging around
away from your wife. Before marriage
you couldn't spend your evenings
enough with her.
Don't prowl in the loafing resorts till
midnight, wasting your time in culpable
idleness, leaving your wife lonely at
home to brood over your neglect and
her disappointment.
Don't think the woman you promised
to Glove, cherish and protect becomes
your servant as her part of the con-
tract
Don't think that board and clothes is
sufficient return for all that q wife
does for you.
Don't expect your wife to love and
honor you if you prove q brute, un
worthy Of love or honor.
Don't caress your wife in public, and
snarl and groHl at her in private. This
proves you both hypocrite and . dog.
DOM wonder that your wife is not as
cheerful g she used to be-, when she la
bors from early morning till late at night
to pander to the comfort and caprice Of
selfish being, who has not soul enough
to appreciate her. S5s Il
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-11
Egypt q Summer Resort.

.'Maw," drawled love-sick society
maiden, who was summering at Lake
George; s'maw, I would like to spend q
few weeks in Egypt" ..Why, my dear
CIR" " replied her mother, ,.'what put
such silly idea in your head?'' ..Well,
the reason l want to 60 is because the
papers state there are SO many nice fell
labs in that vicinity, and you know very
well there are none here.' 'New York
Commercial advertiser.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-11
The Misery Of Fancy Work
ny A REBELLIo1Is HUSBAND.


I hate the name Of German wool, in all it's ool-
Ors bright:
OF chairs and stools, in fancy-work, I hate the
The shawls and slippers that I've seen, the Of
tomans and bags.
sooner than wear q stitch on me, I'd walk the
street in rags.
I've heard Of wives too musical, too laxative,
OF scolding Or Of gaming wives, and those too
But yet of all the errors known, which to the
Forever doing fancy work, think, exceeds
them all.
The other day when came home, no dinner
asked my wife the reasonable answered:
told her was hungry, and stamped upon the
She never even looked at me, but murmured:
One green more"
of course purse she makes me angry; she does not
But chatters while talk to her: zone white,
and then q black, 80
Seven green's and then purple Gust hold your
You really do annoy me SOY. I've made wrong
And as for conversation, with her eternal
I speak to her of fifty things she answers Just
the same;
Ills: eyes, love-fve reds, then black-I
quite agree with you,
I've done this wrong; seven, eight, nine, ten,
an orange, then blue.'' -
Oh! the misery Of q working wife, with fancy
work run wild,
And hands that never do aught else, for hus-
band or for child;
Our clothes are rent and minus strings. my
house Is in disorder,
And all because my lady wife has taken to EN-,
broider.
I'll put my children out to school-Tll go across
the sea,
My wife's 50 full of fancy work, I'm sure she
won't miss me;
Fen while write she still keeps on, her one,
two, three and four;
I'm past all patience; on my word, I'll not en-
dure it more.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-11
A Little Surprise.

The stage Of a Western theater tool
fire the other evening, but panic and
rush for the door was averted by the
manager, who, with great presence 81
mind, slipped to the front and. said
Ladies and gentlemen, we have pre-.
pared . little surprise for you. An i'm.
mense kettle Of whisky punch is nov
being heated, and in a few moments
walters will pass through the hall and
distribute it. After that the audience
had to be pulled out one by one.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-11

There is rich young man at New
port who does not belong to the Casino
\ who doesn't play polo, who never wa
onTOler-Skates, never owned yacht
and never drove q fourlin-h hand. III
must have made his money himself
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
Benton Montana, Wednesday, Ootober IL 1882

had no personal quarrel with Parnell he
disapproves strongly of the Parnel( pot
lev. which is largely controlled BY that
i" Kilmainham treaty. which has been
proved mythical everywhere except IN
the domain Of practical politics. ParnelI
and his personal followers, there is every
reason to believe, will hold to the con-
ditions of that much repudiafed COM
pact. and 80 endeavor to disarm and dl-
vide the opposition 90 the Gladstone
administration at the approaching cleo
ton. Dillon, like Davitt, is for q belder
and more uncompromising course. lie
would make no terms with the enemy.
Davitt's new programme would, Were 1t
once adopted, render any compromise
with the Gladstone administration ini-
possible. Nevertheless, the statement
seems warranted that Parnell is disposed
to accept what is given and cry quits,
at least for the present. For sueh ssls-
pension OF open hostilties there is some
thing to be said. The good harvest in
Ireland has done not q little to quiet the
county for the time being, while the
new hanging courts as they are COM
monty termed on the other side of 5t.
Georges channel, have given the Gov
ernment an instrument Of tried temper
for the Encouragement OF the authors or
reputed authors Of serious outrages. 10
some extent, therefore, the condition OF
things fayors the less radical policy Of
ParneIl, but if Dillon and Dayitt should
unite theirsfo forces and work against him.
the i Kilnainha1l policy y would per-
force 20 overheard and its supporters
would lind themselves compelled to pur-
Chase popular support by outhidding
their rivals.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
------a7aa- - s7s.s1% ' =.
Gen. Smith Makes q Speech.

Gen. A. J. Smith, well knovnin in Mon
tana, was one Of the banqueters at Del
monico's ii honor OF Melville and his
comrades who survived the Jeannette
expedition, and the New York Times
thus allude5 to the Generals perform
ance on that occasion 1.-THE diners
were greatly entertained by speech de-
liyered by Gov. Smith, of Montana. He
was capital actor, and while he said
that in his own territory OF Montana he
had suffered more than Melville or the
other Arctic adventures, he held out
his hand and In q voice that drew tears
to the eyes of many, shouted TO Melville
Shake, George, shake this hand Con-
Guiding, Governor Smith said | never
knew but one better man than Andrew
J. smitl. himself. and that was George
MaIviIle.'n
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
MINES AND MINE BUYING.
Sensible Talk Of Governor Pitlsin on the
Subject at Denver.

AT a reception OF members OF the Ma
tional Institute OF Mining Engineers at
Denver last week, Governor Pitkin de-
livered very sensible address. Among
others were the following sensible words
which will apply to all mining sections:
s"There has been a great deal OF money
made in some valuable mines. There
hes been a great deal lost from worthless
mines. But when you deduct the loss
from the gain, You find handsome pro-
fit TO the state as the balance. The un-
loading Of worthless stock to eastern
people has done a great deal OF harm 70
the state. The best business men often
make mistakes, but by mistakes Of their
earlier years they learn to do business
on q safe scale. Nearly everything in
life has to he learned by experience. 50
in Colorado we have made mistakes in
mining, but the experience we have
gained has helped us. Mining has been
considered too much Of lottery, but
take it mining is az legitimate a business
as me nufacturing. Doesn't luck enter
more or less into the most conservative
business in the world? The whole for
tunes Of the most prudent business men
may be swept away by some panic they
could not avert or foresee The trouble
is, people don't look upon mining az
they do upon other kinds OF business.
In the eastern states people have been
too ready to buy q mime from simply
looking at samples Of ores. Do you buy
3. farm from looking at samples of dirt
4 man who buys q mine should look
| carefully into what he is buying. He
should not buy a poor mine because il
is cheap. He should pick out a good
mine and not poor one. Nearly aIlthe
money that has been lost in mines has
been !ost in tying to work mines whose
value has not bee@ properly tested Yot
want also competent men to work your
mines You wouldn't think Of putting
an ignorant blacksmith to work in :
| jewelers. shop. Vet that is the sam'
thing that has been done by some people
engaged in mining in Colorado. tllinl
We should work our good mines ant
abandon our poor ones"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
Northwest 1ndiaus.

A difference 81 opinion il alleged %
have arisen between Lieut.-Jov. DeWd-
new and q Cree Indian named Piapot.
Indeed we are informed by Piapot's
friends in the Ontario press that the
lieut. Governor has had the temerity to
doubt the word of Piapot. The Cover
nor's offense is, OF course, inexcnsable,
and the piapot organs insinuate that url-
less Piapot's statement is accepted by
the Governor as true, and unless the
presents which Piapot claims by virtue
OF that statement are awarded him, Pia-
pot will be justified in rebelling and all
Indian war will be in order. We cannot
find anything on the statute book which
requires alieuterant-goyernor to aecede
at once to 3 request for presents by any
Indian, even though the request be for
tifed by the disputed statement that the
presents have been promised. But eoln-
mon sense teaches that # the authorities
WELD to ali the inordinate demands of
individual Indians, ii will soon be her
aided among the tribes that the weak
| ness of the whites is such that the red
man can ask for nothing that will not
given.
Last wear, after holding q council at
Qu'Appelle, Lieut. Governor Dewdney
requested Cree chief, who expressed
/ l4lnlself as we'll satisfied with the treat
nlent he had received from the whites,
| to tell the Indians around Fort Walsh,
whom he was about TO visit, that the
/ government was literally assisting all
who showed disposition to work. The
Cree promised to deliyerthe message and
asked for provisions for the trip. These
were given him and he went his way.
| At Fort Walsh, however, he told the
| Indians. not that his fellows were well
treated, but that the government during
the winter had starved them, and thai
in consequence many had died. There
is reason to believe that this man Was
Piapot. the leader Of the Opposition il
! the Northwest Territory. Is 1t surpris
inc that Lieut.. Governor DeWdnes
doubted the noble red mans word p
Toronto MaN.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
A Street Car Scene.

Recently e. man dressed in good
clothes, an eye glass and Q gold-meunted
cane. and possessing an altogether clefl-
cal appearance hailed q passing street
car. There was nothing unusual or par
ticularIy noticeable III this except the
air of lofty dignity with which he COM
manded halt, and the desperate effort
which he made to maintain his centre
Of gravity as he passed the car revealed
the fact that he was slightly intoxicated.
Arriving at the door he solemnly raised
his foot to enter, but not raising it high
enough he fell headlong on the floor of
ear. Raising himself up with some diff
ficulty, he cast q severe y reproving look
at the old gentleman sitting near the
door and said:
'sir, what d'you lift this car for just
as I was going to get in?"
s'AEy dear sir, ] didn'tiift the car" re-
piled the ole gentleman meelSly.
"Wel, p'haps you didn't / won't
tempt to argue with 3 man in your con-
dition. My amiable friend, it is firm
and deliberate opinion you've been look
inp upon the wine when it is red. Very
sorry to see it in p man Of your age.
What d'you s'pose your mother would
say if she would see yol intoxicated?
nv friend. I have shed many bitter
tears over such o case as yours. Yes, "
continued he in falteripg voice and pull
inc out his handkerchief, ''and I am
blessed if / amt weeping now, as you
| readily observe"
Whereupon he wiped his eyes with q
grand flourish, blew his nose and navi-
gated to the other end Of the car. When
be reached his destination he pulled the
bell strap and started for the door
When he got about halfway, triDped
and fell at'fall length on the efoor. Rails
ing himself with difficulty and turning
to the lady be said:
Madam, you've got the biggest faee
ever saW.n
..sirn exclaimed the lady indignant
/ ~.
Oh, don't 'polosize!" said he, 7 be1
you won't 'pologize, but if you'd jus
pare 'e1n down q little it would be
great convenience to the travelling pub
licn
The lady was syeechless with indi2
nation and the passengers eonyulse
with laughter, while the man staggere
to the platform, jumped of and inmed
lately sat down, raised himself with di
ficulty, shouIdered his cane and staG
eere1 of.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
NesdfuI Though Painful Advice.

Complaint is made Of persons on the
streets who go stabbing their jaws with
tooth picks. Their meals are scarcely
over when they break on the public,
tootIlpick il hand, and begin to dig out
the particles that have adhered TO their
ernnching apparatus after the main body
Of their food has disappeared. 10 some
persons a man picking his teeth is .
frjghtful object They apprehend, from
his vigorous stabbing, that he IS in the
act Of committing suicide. Others look
upon ihe toothpicker as simply a
thoughfless wretch, with no regard for
the feelings Of his felIoW-men. Some
toothpickers make matters worse by
sucking their teeth, tie sound OF this
operation having oftens,cansed the strong
est men TO feel faint for moment. Pick
ing the teeth IS healthfnl, bat not to the
spectator IF the man who picks his
teeth would go into the back yard, or get
into some vacant lot, until all was over
this might perhaps be happier world
- -GourteI-J Joug37af.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
Dillon and Parnell.

NEW York. Oct. 2.The Worfd's
London special says: The retirement
from public life of John Dillon, the
home rule member for Tipperary, is the
subject Of much speculation. Everyone
believes that Dillon has some other rea-
son than TINT which he alleges. It will
perhaps be found that even if Dillon has
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
What She Would Do.

II
They were sitting on a. log near the
Rock spring.
And you love1Re2n he SAID,
Can you ask it1'' she answered.
Il like to hear you say the sweet
words over and ofer again,n he gslfgled.
Then I DO low you and love YOU,
She tWittered.
And must Ielye you tomorrow
Don't say It, dear heart, don t say
it,
And what NilIny darling do when
i am far away n What will she 10 III
these lonely evening hours without ne?''
.sAhem!n said IN old bachelor, getting
up from the .daik end Of the log, and
starting off into tie hotel. III tell you
what she'll do i these lonely hours
without you; shfn be sitting right out
here on this sane log With another.
mash, making i big Il fool Of him -
YOU are.' rheIhe went out into the
darkness.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11
a Peerless Perfume.

The refreshing aroma Of Floreston
Cologne, and its lasting fragrance make
it d peerless perfume for the toilet.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-10-11

The Billings and MartinsdaIe stage
company are erecting q substantial barn
at Billings, and will be ready for busi-
ness ass soon as their coaches arrive.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-01-13
B. & b.
nEUENHER Ia,h. ,ann-
Han osouAe and TaeruI P~ear,,, - -
mem har ErIcn-a IN -. - =

Aanosome and TaeruI Preaeot, =, -
member Frfencs Win al
Q H r / = II NJ a al
LarSe lOt,of Ik-Uuabrallas. .handsonsirpcus..
Gents, Li1snr CS1.. extra quality. paaun az.
elegant SIX Plush Box
Plush Whisp Holders
Novelties in Plush Goods
Plush Mate and long Table scarn
Embroidered Tidies.
Embroidered Pisno Cover
Raw SIX Piano Covers.
Real and Imitation Lsoss.
Iase Fuchus and Scarfs-
Mother Hubbard Lace Collsrs snd Laes Norsi
ties for neck wear 25c. @ IS o. each.
1nitfals sHsndkerchiefs for Ladies. Children ard
Gents, all linen. At Is. 25 and SOC. each.
100 dozen Children Handksrchiefs. all linen.
two grades. VIZ; for 25c aud for Z57.
largest stock and finest styles now shown OF Ia
dies and Gents SIX Hand kerehlsfs and MUtneu
Zoc. 70 $50 each Retail and WhClesEie by en-
special attention solicited.
Dents Beaver and Seal Gloves
IadieR Satchei Fur Mufs ENTIRELY new
Ladies Fur Pelerines or Coaohm msu's Caps
Ladies Furs; Misses snd Children's Fur Sets,
from soc up % finest Seal Goods.
Extrs bargains IN Ladies' Mufs a. q %. - CO
SPECIAI.-TwoIotss q. inch French Dress Goods
just purchased; oDe-half the piece plain the other
half consisting OF Flounengs or Trimmings of pro
msr retail prices - and - 50 sr yard
Ladies Seal Saeques. tl25. $50 and Up 20 SO
each.
Large lot elegant goods =, sl75 sud s7o. Tss
latter are well worth $3.50: all lengths and Sizes.
sud hnsst imported makes % LsdIes's Jssksts.
D0lmsns and some OF the newest and most stylish
Wraps We will offer unequailed bargains 70 bay
erl OF these goods during the Holiday season
Never befor has this department offered such
bargains In choice goods. and particularly IL gar
ments from IS % SIS each
leo Ladies SIX and Fur-liued Circulars. Nitget'
and Children's Clnnks
Bargains IN SILKS and LRESS GOODS.
IarEe invoice Black Costume VeIvets p inches
81 = IS - So s. 90 S3 50 and up 10 SO % er yard
During last week We purchased IN New York sle-
Eant Brocade Nelvets (in Flounces Tor Trim mipEl
mall shades. and are selling ss ser ward worth
81 Also, two lots elegant Brncnds Plush. Seal
Brown and Black. selling at s. 50. worth az %.
Colored Costume Fevets. e lncnss. - 50 and up
! wards
! One case new and extra quality Sstin RhSdauea
! 81 Sl-I5 per yarg. IN all the choice shades.
/ Black Satin Rhadamcs. Black silks BlzcE Caah.
/ meres. nue qualities and bargains.
Buy Dress Pattern flr Christmas.
BOGGS & BUHI.
/ us Federal Street, Allegheny.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-01-13
ShiJoh's CONSUMPTION, Cure.

This is beyond question the most successful
cough medicine we have ever Sold writes prom
iueut drug firm. A few doses invariably cure the
worst cases oi Cough. Group. or Bronchitis. while
its wonderful success in the cure OF Consumption
is without a parallel in the history OF medicine
Since its hrst discovery il has been sold on guar
antee-a test which no other medicine can stand
II you have cough We earnestly ask you TO try it,
Price, loc., SOC. and 81. II your lungs sore or
your chest back lame, use Shiloh's Porous PIas-
ters. sold at Z. James Drug Store, Postofice
Ebensburg Pa AL. Sic ow1y
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1882-01-13
HYNFNEAL.

LEE-nicV EY.-Married. at the Catholic par
sonage, Summitvilie, on Tuesday. Jan 10 1882
by kev. Father DAWN. MT ]. +. LEE Of Belle
ionte, and Miss MARY MCVEY, Of CressCn.
-JONES.-MarrIed, in this place on
Thursday, Jan. S, 1882. by Rev. T. X. Jones. Mr..
REES JONES. brother Of the officiating clergyman
OF Pittsburg, and Miss MATTE J. JONES OF this
place.
TIERNEY-MCNJ NJLLEN Married on Tues
day. Jan. 10. 1882 at the Catholic church Loretto
by Rev. Father Bush, MIR. WILLIAM TIERNYY Of
Cambria township. and Miss MARY NJ ACNIr-I-
LEN, Of Allegheny township.