Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-09-18

A New York locomotive threw a steer
up into the air distance Of thirty feet.
They are bound to keep beef up, even if
they have to employ steam power to do it.
A New York physician gives half doz-
en- reasons why Americans grow bald. IT.
appears that the principa reason is be-
cause their hair comes out. We always
suspected as much.
The remark, ''There is point where
endurance ceases to be a virtue" was
originally made by one of the old masters
one Of the old schoolmasters, when he
sat down upon a simple little contrivance
invented by the bad pupil.
She was Cleveland lady, and she stood
watching boat loaded with ice. "What
is that boat loaded with?" "Ice, was the
reply. "Ob, "" she exclaimed, in sur
prise, eff the horrid stuff should melt, the
water would sink the boat"
The Boston Transcript reports this con-
versation, ''Does your wife take much eX-
ercise?" asked Henderson of Fogg, whose
FAMILY is at the seaside. ''Exercise!" ex-
claimed Fogg; 'I should say so. She
changes her dress six times every day"
A young man in Maryland committed
suicide because he was too poor to marry.
This is an isolated case. The poor young
man generally marries, and if his wife
doesn't commit suicide year or two af-
ter wards it is not because she hasn't suf-
ficient provocation.
ssWhat's the crowd about?" queried a
stranger, as he noticed stream of visit
ors going into a fashionable residence.
''It's silver weddin'," obligingly replied
his informant. 'What's asilver weddin'?''
'Why, a chaps been married 25 times,
and he's celebratin' of it,
elbow do you feel with such shocking
coat on?" said a young dandy to old Rog-
er. ''I feel" said old Roger, looking at
him steadily with one eye half closed, as
if taking aim only at his victim, 81 feel
young man, as if 1 had a coat on which
had paid fora luxury of feeling which
think you never experienced
A man will work twenty-five minutes
trying to light the fuse of sky-rocket
without frowning. Strange as it may
rience with the kitchen fires. The aver
age man will frown hard at the end of the
first five minutes wrestle with the latter
and at the end of the second five the
frown will become audible.
''Well, think it is a shame" said Mrs
Shuttle, as she threw down the newspa
per. 'sHere is Mr.. Sullivan, who wrote
such beautiful Pinafore music, fighting
: right in public, and he lost the fight, too.
'Why, bless your heart, woman" sait
Job, sit isn't the same Sullivan at all.
''Well, what Sullivan is it?" 'sWhy, dom
you know? 1t is Yankee Sullivan, MAJ
who has been fighting these years ant
years" ."-Neao Haven Register.
The fashionable young ladies at a wa
tering place hotel organized a spelling
bee. The belle that wore the most ex
pensive jewelry was the worst speller
and twelve out of fourteen went down OF
the word separate" ''Phthisis' fooret
them all, and one of the cooks was callet
3 in to spell the word for them. A mis-
who fondled pug dog and wore diamont
4 earrings maintained that d-o-w-t was tn
: way ssdoubt" was spelled when she wen
to school.
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Juices enter largely into their compostion the whol
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