The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1882-11-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A boy describing how he had a
tooth drawn said: "The doctor col
Jared me, pulled like wild horses, and
Just before my head came OIL the tooth
dropped out
A gentleman had his picture taken
recently cost him two hundred dol
lars, and still he is not happy. A
fellow took it out of the hall when the
latch was UP.
Pedestrian, who has dropped penny
in front of ga poor, blind man.:
"Why. you humbug, you're not blind"
Beggar Not |, sir. If the card
says 1 am, they must have given me
the wrong one. I'm deaf and dumb.
A queen bee lays in the height OF
the season from 1000 to 5000 eggs in
twenty-four hours. The man who
will discover how to graft a queen pee
on a hen will make money enough
to puy out the whole continent IN SIX
months.
A man in Western Illinois adver-
tised for a wife, his sister answered
the "ad, dlIu nov uIO yo~iaS iirotIA
thinks there is no balm in advertise
ments, while the old folks think It's
pretty hard to have two fools IN the
family.
An advertisement in Western
paper offers Questionable" piano for
sale. Mrs. Yeast was at loss to
know what fashionable piano really
was, but she has come to the conciu-
sion that it must be one that is
banged"
"There is nothing like settling
down." said the retired merchant,
confdentially, to his neighbor. "When
l gave up business l settled down and
found / had quite a comfortable for
tune. If l had settled up I should not
have had a cent"
"No Indian ever has his pony shod,"
observes an exchange, "and yet the
Indian department is charged with
$4,000 worth of horseshoes per year."
Oh, that's all right. The Indians hang
'cm over the doors of their wigwams
to bring good luck.
Not exactly quenched "You know
/ am amember of the fire department"
said Biggs, "and if 1 find your young
spark in the house it will be my duty
to put him out" "But, father" re-
piled his daughter, 'if you do, like as
not | shall have new flame within q
week"
Astronomical "Mother, may get
up at daybreak and go out to look at
the comet with Charley?" "No, my
daughter, but you may go into the
kitchen and peel those potatoes" 1t
is in this way that many a youthful
and soaring mind is condemned to
limit the realm of its knowledge to
the narrow borders of our insignificant
planet
81 don't believe in this learning
German, Spanish, French or any for
cign language" said a Michigan man
the other day. "Why, | lived among
lot of Germans and got along with
them just as well as if l had known
their language, but l didn't-not a
word of it," "How did you contrive
it?" "Why, you see they understood
mine."
"A New Orleans washerwOman has
in the past fifteen years raised family
of fatherless children, given them all
) SOOu cuuCdulOslS, p'uOhooCu " h''iiu
some house, and has $4,000 laid away
; for a rainy day. Her entire possess
ions were earned at the washutb. y
; This item is valuable as showing how
, promptly New Orleans men pay their
9 wash bills.
He was a real estate agent and COM
!, planned that he had had three adjoin.
! ing houses to let since last fall, and
couldn't get rid of them on any terms
: What's the cause?" asked a friend
"Malaria?" "No." "Rum mill or
the corner?" "No." Neighborhoot
infested with cats ?" "No." What
: then?" "Well, there's man across
4 the way with his daughter, and he''
trying to make an American primi
donna of her"