The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-08-10
ALL SORTS.

If you have any cats on the place,
mulch with bootjacks. and add plenti-
full dressing Of old boots.
If your husband smokes, gentle lady,
treat him as you would smoking lamp.
Don't put him out, but let him down
easy.
The most afflicted part Of the house is
the window. 1t is always full of panes;
and who has not seen more than one win
dow blind?
The latest slang expression applied to
the susceptible young man is Potato"
The reason therefor is that he frequently
gets mashed.
"In the bright lexicon of youth there's
no such word as fail" says Bulwer; but
Bulwer never tried to crawl under cir
Gus TENT Phil. News.
"Avoid that which you blame others
for doing" says one of our wise men.
Things have come to pretty pass, il Q
man can't kiss his own wife.
Why do elderly spinsters have predi-
lection for parrots? Well, they have no
man about the house, and they want
something around that can swear.
"Why is it," asks the Philadelphia
Chronicle, we hear so much about the
Cochin China, but nothing about the
horse?" All, is it beast o'bhirden?
A man who wants his wife to love and
respect him will never make the mistake
of putting his feet into her slippers.
Years of devotion will not wipe out the
insult.
IT want little change" said Mrs. B.
to her husband yesterday. "Well,"
was the heartless response, ''just wait
for it. Time brings change to every
body"
According to Darwin, "those who are
live." Judging from some who do live,
those who do not live must be sorry
specimens.
''You are as full Of airs as q music
box, is what young man said to . girl
who refused to let him see her home.
THAT may be-" was the reply, "but I
don't 60 with q crank.
Polydipsia is the Boston name for
thirst. When suffering from polydipsia
the Boston man calls for spiritus fru-
msnti and then washes il down with pro-
toxide Of hydrogen.
Vermont can still show snow banks
mile long and sixteen feet deep, and
New Hampshire men have no thoughts
of leaving of their overshoes for .
month yet.
It is understood that Eli Perkins rode
Apollo, the horse that won the Derby ct
Louisville, Tuesday. In the pictures
and statues Apollo Is always represented
as carrying Tyre.
A Western young man aged eighteen
has eloped with woman OF three score
years. This msthetic craze fer antique
ties is becoming altogether too general,
aud threatens to cause trouble.
In this case it is easy to discern which
is which. An exchange says: "Oall :
young girl witch, and she Is pleased;
call an elderly woman an old witch, and
her indignation knows no bounds"
A woman who feels that she mus
pinch her waist, pad her hips, cramp
her feet, paint her face and wear falso
hair to secure admirers, will find hersolf
nowhere beside circus street parade.
It is proposed in England that the
house in which Darwin was born be pur-
chased by the public authorities and
preserved from destruction, and that :
events that has made it famous.
Ihlnge one would WlSn 70 nave ox-
pressed differently: Musical maiden-'I
hope / am not boring you, playing 70
much?" Enamored youth-"Oh. mol
Pray 90 onl Lid 80 much sooner
hear you play than tAlkr-I London
Punch.
Ubiquitous: When Mrs. Homespun
heard Of the rece Mt assassination in lxe-
land and that it was attributed 10 tha
Irish, she exclaimed: s'Massa sakesl
You don't tell me the Irish have got into
Irelandf Well. WELT I believe they're
everywherel'- Bos. Tran.
The people Of Kansas, under "
forestry lava Of the State, have planted
81, 900 aores in trees. The Cottonwood =
the most abundant, and Il grows ~
most rapidlH About 5000 oorea hnvo
been planted in black walnut. and WI
make handsome returns IN eight q nfno
years. s' g 3. i S.
'arhis i Just my luok," I'D ~
gloomy man q he theatog. "Uogo'e 8
Performance going on that's - I'D = I,
agonizing - witness, md ~ ~ ~
time IN az moutha that kavoD3 ~ 3
woman with both-tnb ~ II lEcr9 q
NJ when rvs besn . ~ thsn1ss.
0ovoFnoe Criltendsn. q 1GIoocurl, q
proof Of his good so5vieo - ~ ooo1o q (
securing Ne murder q 49, yo1noq