The Opelousas courier., 1882-10-14
They Wont no at All.

"A OF. LOUIS aOCGOf IdCtUEy IcCcutAS
turned out a dozen female doctors. As
long as the female doctors were confined
to one or two in the whole country, and
those we're only experimental. we held
our peace, and did not complain; but
now that the colleges are engaged in
producing female doctors as a business,
we must protest, and in doing so will
give q few reasons why female doctors
will not prove a paying branch of in
dustry. In the first place, if they doc
tor anybody, it must be women, and
three-fourths of the women had rather
have a male doctor. Suppose these col
leges turn out female doctors until there
are rs many of them as there are male
doctors, what have they got to practice
ont A man, if there was nothing the
matter with him, might call in a female
doctor, but if he was sick as horse, land
whena man is sick, he is sick as a horse
the last thing he would have around him
would be q female doctor. And why ?
Because when q man wants a female
fumbling around him, he wants to feel
well. He don't want to be bilious, or
feverish, with his mouth tasting like
cheese, and his eyes bloodshot, when a
female is looking him over and taking
an account of stock. Of course, these
female doctors are all young and good
looking, and if one of them came into a
sick room where a man was in bed, and
he had chills, and was as cold as a
wedge, and she should sit up close to
the side of the bed and take hold of his
hand, his pulse would run up to q hun
bred and fifty and she would prescribe
for a fever when he had chilblains.
Then if he died she would be arrested
for malpractice. Q, you can't fool us
on female doctors. A man who has
been sick and had male doctors, knows
how he would feel to have a female
doctor come tripping in and throw her
fur-lined cloak over a chair, take off
her hat and gloves and throw them on
the lounge, and come up to the bed
with q pair of marine blue eyes,, with a
twinkle in the corner, and look at him
in the wild, changeable eyes and ask
him TO run out his tongue. Suppose he
knew his tongue was coated 80 itlooked
like q yellow Turkish towel, do you
suppose he would want to run out five
six inches of the lower end of it and
let that female doctor put her finger on
it to see how fur it wasq Not much.
He would put that tongue into his cheek
and wouldn't let her see it for twenty
five cents admission. We have all seen
doctors put their hands under the bed
clothes and feel a mans feet to see if
they are cold. fla female doctor should
do that it would give a man cramps in
the legs. A male doctor IAN put his
hand on o mans stomach, and liver and
lungs, and ask him if he feels any pain
there, but If a female doctor should dc
the same thing it would make a mar
sick, and he would want to get mp and
kick himself for employing a female
doctor. @, there is no 9 of talking,
it would kill a a Now, suppose a
man had heart disease and a female
doctor should want to listen to the beat
ing Of his heart. She would lay her left
ear on his breast, so her eyes and rose
bud mouth would be looking right In
his face, and her wavy hair would be
scattered all around there, getting tan
gled in the buttons of his night-shirt.
Don't You suppose his heart would get
in about twenty extra beats in a min
uteq You bet! And she would smile
we would bet ten dollars she would
smile-and show her pearly teeth, and
her ripelips would be working as though
counting the beats, and he would think
she was trying to whisper to him, and
- Well what wOnld he be dnino