The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1882-04-22
Brother Gardner on Jeremlahs.

:sDar am sartin folkses want to keep
away from, began the old man as the
voices of the Glee Club died away on the
last strains of "Sarah James Baby. -
II mean dat class of people who groan
ober the wickedness of the world, an
who have heartaches an sorrows to ped
die aroun' de kentry at the reg lar mar
ket rates. Dar' am de ole man Turner.
He comes ober to see me now and den,
but he can't sot still kase somebody stole
his dog, or hit him wild q brick-bat, or
beat him out of seventy five cents. He
fully believes dat de world am gwine to
smash at de rate of fifteen miles an hour,
an it would eanemost kill him to lose
his ole wallet an find man honest 'nuff
to return it.
"De widder Flumsell comes ober to
borry some butter for supper, an she
draps down on char an heaves sigh
as big as barn doah an goes on to say
that dis am cold an unfeelin' world.
'Cording TO her tell all men am dishonest
all women extravagant, an all chill'en
just ready to come down wild de measles.
Tears run down her cheeks as she tells
how she has to work an plan while
eberybody else has money to frow inter
Lake Erie, an she wipes her nose on her
apron as she asserts dat dis wicked world
can't stan mo- dan fo' weeks longer.
Deacon Striper draps in to eat pop
corn wild me of Friday ebenin', an he
hardly gifts out from under his hat befo'
he begins to tell what his first wife died
of; how his second run away; how his
third broke her leg by fallin' off fence
and cost him $28 IA for doctors bill, an
befo' he gifts frew you couldn't make him
believe but what de hull world was dead
agin him. He predicts late spring, q
hot summer, poor crops, high prices, q
bloody war, an goes home feelin' dat he
am stoppin on airth only to accommo-
date somebody.
"I have no sorrow of my own. I've
been robbed. but dat was kase left q
winder up. I've been swindled, but dat
was kase I thought fo' queens would beat
fo' aces. I've bet on de wrong boss; I've
bought lottery tickets which didn't draw; /;
I've bin sick unto death, and I've bin
shot in the back wild hull brickyard,
but ] do not sorrow an ! do not ak fur
sympathy. De world am plenty good
'nuff fur de class of people liyin' in it.
Honest men am not lonesome fur COM
pany; an honest woman am sartin to be
appEeclaGeu. LIE Janltor Will now open
TO wlnders an we will purceed to biz
ness. = Detroit Free Press.
Docs PRESENCE OF MIND.-Psrsons
who chanced to be near the Commercial
street bridge yesterday, says. the Buffalo
Express of March 14th, about o'clock,
were greatly impressed by the intelligent
way in which large Newfoundland dog.
belonging to fisherman, saved q little
boy from what might have been very
serious injury. The hoy was riding on q
big two-horse wagon, and at about the
point mentioned piched or fell out head
foremost. In an instant his face would
have struck the pavement, but just in the
nick of time the dog rushed up, seized
him by the collar and eased his fall. The
boy could hardly have been more than
seven or eight years of age. was dressad
nicely and was scared about out of his
senses. As soon as he regained his feet
he ran off crying and screaming with
fright. The name of the owner of the
dog is unknown, bat the animal certainly
deserves handsome treatment.