The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1882-08-11

mrMeRoEs MATTGRs.
It Is just as easy to praise an old wo-
nan as : yeung one, and it does an
old weman twice as inneh good.
We are told "the evening wore on"
bat we are neFsr told what the even-
iay wore Ch that occasion. Was it the
close sf Summers day
There ara some diseases that can be
cured ky laying on hands. For in
atance. ; boy can be cured of the HARM
fal propensity to eat jam by = proper
treatment in that line.
"rm not in mourning, said young
LADY frankly to querist, 'but as the
widows are getting all the offers now
adays, We poor girls must do something
to protect ourselves"
If birds of feather flock together,
Why Is it that the first doctor who
reaches 9 man who has fallen on the
street has no sweet smile Of welcome
for the second who comes rushing up !
4 Zulu cannot marry girl until he
has whipped ali her brothers and given
her father an upset, if demanded, in
addition. There i great scratching
around In Zulnlaad to fnd only ehil-
dren end orphans.
"Why, Farmer Brown, you've been
thinning out your grove, haven't yen I
Your ash trees appear to be abun-
aAnt, bat yonr oaks and naples are all
gsas." "Yss, it's about 80, Dir. Jones;
am literally reduced to ashes"
81 guess you must Be better today
said Farmer Hedges ts . sickly neigh
Dor whom he found rusticAting in his
strawberry patch. "Oh, Pn picking
up . little" was the reply a. the in
valid bent over to gather in 9 red mug
get or -.
T~o brothers vhs were very success
ful dentists built large and handsome
house, the appearances Of which Was
thought to resemble . large molar
tooth. It was . common remark, "See
what brothers can do when they pull
together p
A young man in train was making
fun sf lsdys hat to an elderly gentle
uaa in the seat with him. "Yes,"
said his seat mate, 'thats my wife,
and tsld her il she wore that bennett
that some fool would make fun Of it.
The young raan aid out.
A littls biz Of . girl living near org
Of the cities ran int her mother freG
ths roadside with some early Spring
blooms in her hands, and, full Of tbs
cutside glow, exclaimed "0h, mamma
how nice it Is 70 live where somebody
doesn't own everything"
"DsCtOr," says the patient, meeting
him on the street, 81 want yea to tel
me what is the matter with me
When wake up in the m 1rning feeI
dull-stupid as an IDIOT "Eumph
And Lsw did you feel when you went
to bed the night before, eh I"
A fashion item says Geld leather
work is coming in vogue again" A
young NAN who was assisted from the
front door the other nigh: by her crue
parents foot, says be is painfully aware
of the fact. He prefers plush work
The impression i not 30 lasting.
A famous cheese maker ordered pic
lures of bis product from a Paris pho
togrAPher. On seeing the proof, whici
really was very bad, he said "Thii
won't do. Csnfound you, my cheese
never looked ike that" "Ah, air" !"
said the photographic, "bu:, you see,
it moved"
"Young men," said tiresoms and
instructive old mnff to group Of ap.
: Prentices, syoang men should begia at
the bettem OF their business and work
up." Il can't, !" responded one of them.
"Wby not r. asked the cid muf. BE
cause | Am a wzll-digger," answered
the apprentice.
"Diln't yaH tell me, sir, yoa could
hold the plo~ r said farmer to an
IrishmAa whom be hal taken on trial.
"A'rab, be aisy now, said Pa: show
The lenee can hoilld it aad two horses
Dr.. 81 it away from me ! But give
it to ue into the barn, and s'e jabe,s
III hotid it with anybody.''