The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1882-11-24
Artemus Ward and the London Cabby.


Artemus Ward, the prince of humor-
lists, positively revealed in what think
he was the first to dub q ''goak." re-
member, late one night in the fall of
1866, Artemus, dear little jeff Prowse,
and my humble self, were left alone in
the club-room at Ashley's. Artemus
proposed an adjournment to the Alham-
bra. Prowse and self joyfully assented.
Artemus asked JEFF to charter cab.
The vehicle soon drew up.
Cabby was grave and stolid-looking,
and evidently self-possessed. Artemus
seemed to study the mans features for
a brief moment; then he intimated to
me in whisper that he was going to
have lark with cabby. Assuming q
grave air, which sat so marvellously
we'll on his face, he addressed the man
in slow, measured accents. "My friend"
he said, "you look to me man of
thought and experience, in fact, the
very man likely to decide most i'm
portant and most difficult question
which has arisen between me and my
friend there" pointing to JEFF. who
looked slightly puzzled. "Do you take
meP Will you be arbiter between usp'
Cabby looked so dubious at first that I
thought he was going to say, Cam
mon," or "Shut up" or something of
the sort. However, so wondrously in
tent did Artemus look, and so SUPER
nally grave was his manner, that the
mans suspicious faded away from his
face as snow will under hot sun. He
gave half grunt, then said, briefly,
Fire away, guv'nor; let's know watts
all about"
"Well," responded Artemus, with
slow deliberateness, weighing every
word apparently, swell, look We here
now, my friend; that gentleman there
pointing again to jeff Prowse, who,
not knowing exactly how Charley
might choose to compromise him with
mayhap irate Jehu, began to give slight
signs of feeling rather uncomfortable
maintains that it is the divergence of
contradictory opinions, which in the
natural logical sequence of reasoning.
and in the inferential conclusions of ar
gumentation, must in the final end in
evitably lead to conveyance, and con-
cord and harmony among people, and
bring about that Observation-Disclosures
for contamination when man to man
the world all DER shall brethren be and
o. that. 81 follow you, guv'nor; fire
away" said cabby, briefly, who evident
ly was not quite clear yet what it all
could possibly be about. "Now, you
see, my good fellow" pursued Artem-
us, with increased intentness of face
and graver righteousness of manner
and diction, 81, on the other part, as
sert, and / mean to stick to it, too, let
gainsay who may'-with ferocious
glare our way--''that it is contrariwise
and opposite the conveyance of concur
rent, concordant and coincident opin-
ions that must inevitably in its corollary
and concomitant consequential train of
its outcoming results lead to diver
gences, difficulties and differences
raising his voice to a higher pitch, and
frantically saving and beating the air
with outstretched right arm-"which
will make one man jump at another's
throat and strive to strangle him to
deathr' Then he proceeded more
quietly: Now, my friend, you cannot
but admit that have placed the case
fairly before you. Now, please, give us
your decision"
Cabby, who had apparently listened
with much serious attention to this
rigmarole, bent his head on one side,
and, with one eye shut, gave Artemus
the benefit of an inimitably droll look.
Then he proceeded with gravity of man.
ner equal to Wards, and still more
ponderous slowness of enunciation, TO
deliver himself of the following oracu-
lar decision. which would have done
honor to great Bunsby himself: "Well,
guv'nor, it is knotty pint and ard
nut to crack for the likes o. me, SEEM
as there is great deal to be said on
both sides; and, don't We think, now,
guv'nor, it's rayther a dry question to
settlep Vich knowed from the first We
vos a gentleman, hevery inch o. you,
guv'nor." Having said which he look
ed expectant. 'Soldr' cried Artemus,
laughing, jumping into the vehicle, fol-
lowed by us. "You shall have your