Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-08-30
The Lime-kiln Club.

room had been locked, the old mas
arose and asked:
s.Brudder Shin, how am de sacred
bar traps?"
''Dey hang on de wall, sab.
''Brudder Bebee, what of the sa
cred bust OF Andrew jackson"
lit sits on de shelf, sah.'
Librarian, what of de ,ibrary7'
"De LOO almanaxs am we'll pre-
served, sah.''
'.Janitor, what of de stoves"
ode stove has seven cracks in it,
and boat hinges are burned off de
doah.
at am well. / now announce dis
lodge open fur bizness on de 10th
degree. Secretary, am dar any peti
tions in red ink"
The secretary announced the APP
plication of Judge Suspender Taylor,
of Macon, Ga, and the Rev. Gale
forth Davis, of Bristoe Station, Va.
Am dar any candydates fur de
10th degree?" asked the president,
as shiver of awe ran down one side
of the hall and up the other and set
Giveadam Jones feeling for quinine
pill.
The secretary announced the names
of Commodore Stiff and Hon. Hold
back Johnson, and added that they
were waiting in the ante-room to be
initiated. The officers donned their
regalia, the Most High Reception
Committee proceeded to the ante
room, and the candidates were
brought in and put through the
usual exercises.
The 146th degree is the highest on
which the Lime-Kiln Club works,
and the meeting opens on that de-
gree only four times year. During
the last three years only twelve can
didates have presented themselves to
travel the dangerous road, and out
of this number three were rejected
on account of a squirt in the eye
The successful candidate for the
146th must have a record as pure as
snow and character which would
make him scorn Congressional
nomination.
During the most solemn part of
the ceremony, and while Pickles
Smith was as pale as death and Sam
uel Shin was slipping peppermint
ess nee to drown his emotion and
sweeten his breath, Tunk-hannock
Hastings drew muskmelon belong
ing to Professor Flowers from under
bench and deliberately began de-
vouring it by sections. As soon as
the ceremony was concluded Brother
Hastings was called to the desk and
fined $4,000 in cash and ordered to
sit under leak in thereof until the
last meeting III January. The pres
ident said that a member who
would seize upon such solemn
moment to gobble melon
belonging to brother member and
to smack his lips over the fruit until
the attention of the entire club was
attracted from the business in hand,
deserved to be escorted home by
club, but he would condone the Of
Tense this once on account of Mrs.
Hastings having a sprained ankle,
The committee on the Weather,
through their Chairman, Shinbone
Scott, submitted report in which
they admitted that the weather for
the last few weeks had defied all
control. One of the committee
thought that the spots on the sun
had something to do with it. Another
argued that the earth was gradually
tipping up on one side, while the
Chairman was inclined to believe
that the $50 bushels of onions stored
in one warehouse in Detroit occa-
81 nd much of tie tribulation The
committee were ordered to predict
fine, dry weather for September, and
cautioned that if they made any more
failures they would be discharged
from any further meteorological
work.
The secretary then announced, in
a tremulous voice, that an invitation
had been received by the club to
attend the comedy drama of ''Broth~
er Gardner and His Lime Kiln
Club" to be given at the Detroit
Opera-house on the 21st, 22nd, and
23rd, and appear on the stage in the
second act. Pickles Smith supports
ed the motion, in case there was any
motion. If not, he would support
any movement to get into the operas
house on the dead head plan.
The Rev. Penstock objected. From
his standpoint of morality the stage
was calculated to debase. He once
lost wallet containing S64 in
public hall, and had never heard who
found it.
Trustee Pullback, Shutdown Smith,
and others, favored the idea, and
the president finally arose and
said:
''Gem'lem dis club decepis de ms
an we shall be seen at dat
place at de proper time Sich of you
as fink you will be debased kin re-
main at home an lick de chill'n an
jaw de ole woman bout de size of |
her feet. We will now disqualify de
meetin'. Remember, as we percolate
homewards, dat while a pusson may
have voice like tornady and
mouf like woodshed, de man who
winks wild his left eye allus gets de
bes glass of saltwater. Let de
triangle SCUM an de Glee Club
sing. Detroit Free Press.