River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-11-23
HUMOR.

THE original land league-three
miles.
DOES the night mail go by the bed
post?
A BUNIoN is spoken of as nobby thing
i'll low-cut shoes.
STUFF and nonsense big dinner
and the postprandial speeches.
Whom the gods love die young. The
gods do not love spring chickens.
@YoU are accused of being chronic
thief. What excuse have you got?
| None, boss, 'ceptin' chronic poverty, !"
replied the Austin colored vagrant-
Teros Sittings.
"ARE you certain of securing the
diadem?" asked the minister of the
dying man. And when the man said he
didn't want to diadem bit, the minister
and the doctor flew, and, as natural
consequence, the man got better
Je,oelers' Circular.
II SHOULD so like to have coin dated
the year of my birth" said maiden
lady of uncertain age to male ac-
quaintance. do you think you could
get one for me?" Il am afraid not" he
replied, "those very old coins are only
to be found in valuable collections"
IT is said that wire fences on farms
can be utilized for commulica by
telephone between farm houses, so that
farmers wives can visit with each other
without walking half mile. Yes, but
/ they can't borrow tea and sugar while
they are visiting by telephone, so they
will never be success. -Peck's San.
II SEE" said old Mrs. Anchovy, chat
they are making railroad car wheels out
/ of paper. What do you suppose that's
I for, Mrs. Birdseye?' "That, oh, I've
no doubt they are getting scared about
SO many people being run over and cut
/ in two endwise, and are trying to get
some kind of stuff that amt so danger
Gus. Cheek.
LITTLE Freddie was undergoing the
4 disagreeeble operation of having his hair
combed by his mother, and he grumbled
at the maneuver. aWhy, Freddie"
said mamma, you ought not to make
such fuss. don't fuss and cry when
my hair is combed" aYes," replied the
youthful party, "but your hair amt
hitched to your head"
II HARDLY think we shall remain more
than a week at Newport, as the Judge
Z is partial to mountain air" "The
iJudge?" queried Mrs. Slursling; II
was not aware, my dear madam, that
your husband had adorned the bench"
"Oh dear, yes" smilingly ehirruped
little Mrs. Scantwit; "why, he's been
three times Judge of our town cleo
tionsp
IT was a warm Sunday night and
some of the congregation in the little
church were slumbering languidly, ex-
cept one man who snored in manner
not at all languid. The preacher, OBJ
serving this. left his notes and said to
one of the deacons in the front row:
"Will you please ask that brother to
stop snoring or he will keep other
brethren awake" The rest of the
sermon was listened to.-Chicago
Cheek.
STRANGER, will you take a hand with
us at poker?" asked couple of Austin
sports of man recently arrived from
Galveston. "Thank you, gentlemen;
but there are seventeen reasons why /!
cannot accommodate you" what are
they?" well, first, do not under
stand the game" why, that's the
principal reason we want you to play"
remarked one of the sports, candidly,
seeing that as, far as roping in that
stranger, the game was up.-TeCas |
Sytt1ags.
AN eccentric old gentleman who had
married his second wife, a hoydenish
young creature, entertained party of l
gentlemen one afternoon, and was much |
chagrined by the non-appearance of his |
girlish spouse. Upon inquiring he as
certained that she was in the garden, l
and thereupon invited his guests out to 1
be introduced to her. As they rose to |
accept the invitation, his son, lad of |
IA, exclaimed: Don't do it, dad! |
why not?" he asked, angrily. "Be-
cause returned the boy half apologet-
ically, shes up cherry tree"
Brooklyn Eagle.
THAT'S all internal nonsense!" re-
piled the old man from Connecticut, as |
the other asked him if wooden nutmegs |
were ever really sold in that State. |
@Ive lived there risin' of seventy-fve /
years, and / never saw such thing in l
all my life" "But there are stories to |
that effect II don't keer for no
stories. All there is to the hull bizness
is the fact that some of our folks were /
so hurried for time that they couldn't |
wait for hams to grow, and made em
out O wood" "They did, eh!" II ac-
knowledge they did, but the Lord never
laid it up agin old Connecticut
All them ere hams went to the heather /
in Boston. - Wall Street NeaCs.