The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-02-17

clerk.
ALWAYS ready to take n hand in con-
Versation-deaf and dumb people.
THERE is no rest for the wigged" is
what bald-headed man said when he
chased his false~hair up the street in a
gale.
You can always tell the fastdious man
by his sending twenty-seven cnffs and
collars to the laundry, accompanied by a
single shirt. - Yonkers Gazette.
The truth always pays in the end"
Is an old saying. and that is the reason
probably why there is so little of it told
at the beginning of any business trans
action.
A YOUNG lady bearing the aristocratic
sognomen of Jardine recently deserted
her lover, because in an impassioned
sonnet, he made her name rhyme with
"sardine."
WELL," said a cowboy, rs he looked
at Sookey, when she had come through
weedy stubble-field. "Well, old gal,
you amt got wings, exactly, but you are
buried OF passage all the same"
Poverty is the mother of rest. An
editor Is proverty. Therefore an editor
Is the mother of rest, but he never gets
very well acquainted with his offspring
on this terrestrial sphere. Hampton.
THE gentleman who caught severe
cold from pressing his lips to maiden's
snowy brow, recovered quite rapidly
while basking in the sunny smiles of an
other fair damsel. Toledo american.
JOIN had POP, of thnnder-tone,
The pop" went or but not alone,
Smiths finger went of with IL.
A New YORK lady who was travelling
IN Ohio gave baby her gold watch to
play with, and the baby gulped it down
and cried for more. What they can't
swallow in that State must be over foot
III width. Detroit Free Press.
You've man, look not upon the church
sociable oyster stew when it is red
with pepper; because at the last it sting.
eth like an adder and biteth hole in
your pocket-book to considerable
amount. - Wjttiamsport breakfast
Table.
SAID the sailor to his sweetheart 81
know that ladies care little about nauti-
col matters, but If You had your choice
OF a ship, what kind of n one would you
preferY She cast down her eyes,
blushed and whispered: "a little
smack"
THE latest marvel of science is instan-
taneous photography. BY the aid of this
process 1T is possible to obtain picture
of yourself and girl III the act of being
thrown over a stone wall by runaway
horse. This picture can be placed on
the mantlepiece i'll a maroon velvet
frame as q warning to young men to
never let go the reins with both hands,
NeaO Haven Register.
SHE wanted TO test his affection, so.
picking up the revolver and putting her
eye to the muzzle. she said, innocently.
81 wonder If it loaded" "Oh, don't"
he exclaimed, with manifest agitation.
1t satisfied her that he loved her and
she asked, indiferently "Why not %
Because" he answered, "I've got
house rent to pay next month and a
funeral would embarrass me. BROOKLYN
Eagle.
A NEW boarder at the Occidental gazed
Mt his plate, the other morning, aud then
said Is there reliable physician
stopping in this house ?" "Yes, sir, "
said the water. "Good surgeons, too,
eh?" "Believe so, sir" "Then Just see
If he is In his room before | start in on
this breakfast. ] had a brother choked
to death on a steak like that once, and |
ana bound to take all the necessary pre-
cautions. San Francisco Post.