The Portland daily press., 1882-07-10
How to Write a Graduating Essay.

81 would like to see an editor" said lady
of rather progressing appearance as she
opened the door of the editorial room yesterday
afternoon and glanced furtively into the apart
ment.
"That is not particularly herculean task,
miss" said the horse reporter, when the fact
that within the precints Of this room there are
no less than four gifted children of genius who
fulfil the requirements embodied in your re-
quest becomes known. The Tribune has now
on d-aught almost any brand of editorial
thought that you can call for, land the adhe-
rent of Iroquois smiled bland 2:101 smile,
which seemed to reassure the young lady
amazingly.
"Of course" she continued, 81 don't ex
actly know which editor 1 want to see, be-
cause
sob, that's all right" said the advocate OF
OF the Saratoga scale Of weights for two-ye
olds. "We don't expect People who come
around here to know anything. They are
pretty much all in a state of vague uncertainty
as to how they got here, let alone knowing
what they want, or how they are going. to find
it out"-and again the quarter-stretch smile
beamed forth in all its splendor.
"Well," said the young lady, "rm going to
graduate next week, and mamma said that
perhaps il l read my essay to some editor ne
would point out any little defects. in it and
show how they could be remedied."
Mamma told You that, did she?"
eyes, SIR"
fYour maternal al cestor," said the horse
reporter, sis evidently person of great men
tai fertility. She could not by any possibility
have given you more correct pointer. What
is the title of your essay?"
UT,ifats aaihi,ities - WAS the raD1y
"Thst is certainly comprehensive sub
iect," remarked the compiler OF the 2:3O list,
and in the case of lovely woman may include
anything, from being mistress of the White
House to hanging out old red flannel shirts on
the West Side. You have pretty good nerve
to tackle subject of SO sweeping nature"
"Would you like to hear my essay sir?"
"Well," replied the young man, / cannot
allow a lie to pass my ruby lips, and am, there
fore, constrained to say that am not wholly
still you can read this essay. | am young,
but tough"
The coming graduate seated herself along
side the horse-reporter's desk. "Shall begin
at the beginning?" she asked.
81 think you might bstter;" was the reply.
'Schoolmates," began the girl ''we stand
upon the verge OF shoreless ses, tho
Hold on . said the horse reporter. "Come
back and get the word again"
"Why, what is the matter, sirl" asked the
young lady.
'That's all wrong" was the reply.
elbow can any one stand on the verge OF a
shoreless sea? If a seas got verge it isn't
shoreless by quite considerable. You must rig
that sentence up differently"
"Do you think so?"
Certainly I do. You might as well say you
were sitting in the arm chair OF chairless
parlor. I suppose you hSve besn there?"
The young lady blushed and said she really
didn't know.
81 reekoned you'd grasp the simile,' said
be beautiful, but they are superbly fly. Now
we'll change that line to we stand upon the
shore of a sea that stretches away as far as the
eye can follow, until its shimmering surface is
kissed by the purple rim OF horizon that
bends to meet its laughing waves as the moth
er bends over her baby boy-all tenderness and
love-now that's daisy sentence"
"Do you think SOP" asked the girl.
"You bet do.'
"Perhaps, ithen, you would be kind enough
| to suggest the outline of an essay for me.
hardly think the one | have written would
| suit YOU"
"Wel,' said the horse reporter, "you want
| to say something that will catch the old men
| that have nice young sons; something that Will
| carry the old toughs back into the misty past
| with its flood of tender recollections and make
| 'em feel as if they ought to have died early
| The Ship of Life racket is good one."
s'The what?" asked the young lady.
| "The Ship of Life racket" replied the
horse reporter, "and seeing that you have
| started out on sort of marine essay, perhaps
! 1t would the best way to have it head. You
| take that sentence about the shimmering sea
| being kissed by the horizon for a starter, and
then you go ahead and tell how, when sombr
night has spread its sable pail over forest and
moorl and over palace hall and humble cot,
there CLEANS forth in all its pure radience the
clear, steady light of a high and noble purpose,
never fading, even when dark clouds hang
heavily athwart the horizon, and the lurid
flash of the distant lightning, followed by the
ings of mighty giant, feretsll the camsi,p9g.ss
stormEniwhich the Vssz' es'''''fs : na' !"
suppose so' was the reply
"You bet it u.s. sis, only you mustn't forget to
get in words like 'lurid fash and pure radi-
ance,' because they're what set out the bal
ance of the slush know, because I've been
through college myself"
"Haye you?' said the girl.
"Yes. know you wouldn't suspect 1t, be-
cause don't smoke cigarettes or ride bicy-
Gle, but I've been there, all the same"
us that all | should write-that about the
storm?" the girl asked.
"Well, should say not You want to de-
scribe the squat in all its dreadful splendor,
and tell nice, easy lie about stately ship
that has come from the far-away islands of the
Southern seas, where the bIeezes are laden
with the balmy odor Of Spices and all that
kinD OF rubbish, you know. Then work up
the peroration. Tell how the good ship, al
most in sight of home, is attacked by the tenn
pest. Give 'em great talk about the erst-
while placid surface of the mighty deep being
dashed into ungovernable fury by the fierce
winds that seem to laugh in very glee at the
destruction they are causing. And then, when
everything looks as dreary and desolate and
hopeless as the editorial page of Milwaukee
paper, lug out tho light cleaning in all its
pure radiance again and have the ship get
safely into port. Then say that the Ship is
the ship of life and the Light the light of a
mothers love, or something like that and sit
down. You'll be sure to hit 'em shard if you
do this"
''Do you really think SOP"
'It's dead certain"
"Then shall follow your advice; and let
me thank you for your Kindness" said the
girl, as she started for the door,
Don't forget about the lurid glare, sis"
shouted the horse reporter.
Il will remember it, SIR was the reply, &C.
companied by smile.
"And the pure radiance of the flame" he
continued. ga flame without pure radience
is of no earthly account in graduating essay"
II won't forget" and another smile was
waited down the hallway. "And now good
by, SIR"
eau revoir," said the horse reporter.
"Come in again when you're married and