The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1882-04-05
A DRUNKEN TELEPHONE
Experience. with "A Telephone Which Was,
Az Usual, Out of order

Experience. With "A Telephone Which was,
as Usual, Out of Order.
Last Wednesday the'bell of our telephone
rang violently at s O'Clock in the morning,
and when we put our mouth 10 the mouth
aphone and asked what was the matter, u
still, small voice, evidently that of a lady,
said Julia has got the worms, doctor.
We were somewhat taken aback, but sup
posing Julia was going fishing, we were Just
going to tell her not to forget to spit on her
bait, when male voice cried: oh go to the
devil, will your We couldn't tell whose
il was, but it sounded like the clerk at the
Plankinton house, and we sat down. There
is no man who will go further to accommo-
date friend than we will, but by great
ethereal, there is something we will not do
to please anybody. AS sat and medita-
ted, the bell rang once more, and then we
knew that the wires got tangled, and that
we were going TO have trouble all day. 1t
was busy day, too, and to have q bell
ringing besides one's ear all day is no fun.
The telephone is q blessed thing when 1t is
healthy, but when its liver is out of order, 1t
is the worst nuisance on record. When out
of order that way you can have lots OF con-
versaton that you are not entitled to- FOR
instance, we answered the bell after it had
rung several times, and sweet little female
morrow" We answered that we were
going to receive all the time. Then she
asked what made us so hoarseP We told
her that we had sat in draft from the
bank, and it made the cold chills run over
us to pay it. That seemed to be
satisfactory, and then che began to tell us
what she was going to wear, and
asked if we thought it was too cold to wear
q low.necked dress and short sleeves. We
told her that was what We were going to
wear, and then she began to complain that
the new dress was too light in various
places that she mentioned, and when the
boys picked us up of the floor and bathed
our temples, and we told them to take her
away, they thought we were crazy. If we
have done wrong in talking to Il total stran-
ger, who took us for lady friend we are
willing to die--we couldn't help it. For an
hour we would not answer the
constant ringing of the bell. But
finally the bell iuttered as though
a tiny bird had lit upon the wire and was
shaking its plumage. 1t was not ring,
but it was a tune as though an angel about
eighteen years old, a blonde angel, was
handling the other end of the transmitter,
and we felt as though it was wrong for us
to keep her in suspense when she was evil
IDENTIFY dying to pour into our arlcular APP
pendage remarks that we ought to hear.
And still the bell did iut. We went to the
corucopia, put our ear to the toddy stick
and said; What aiest thou, darling
Why doth thy hand tremble? Whisper all
thou ieelcst to thine old badly" Then
came over the wire, and into our mansa-d
by n side WINDOW, the following touch
ing remarks; Matter enough | have
been ringing here until | have blistered
my hands. We have got to have ten car
loads of hogs by day after tomorrow, OIL
shut down" Then there was a suffering
and then another voice said go over tC
Loomis's pawnshop "A man shut in
another voice broke in singing "The swee'
by and by, we shall meet on that beauti
full and another voice said "Girl evel
saw. She was riding with a dutler, anC
wiped her nose as | drove by in the stree
car, and think she is struck after me-. |
was evident the telephone wa, drunk, ant
we went out in the hall, and wrote on ,
barrel all the afternoon, and gave it full
possession of the office milwaukee, Sun