Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1882-10-05
H0XY'S EAR AUXILIARY.

nUA - Ian AUAlLIAh L.
Mr.. Hoxy believed he had struck it al
last. He had studied the thing for
years, had spent no end of money in ex-
perimenting, and had heretofore only
succeeded in turning his ''study" into q
junk shop. himself into the outward sim.
ilitude of a remarkably seedy tramp, and
Mrs. Hoxy's amiable disposition into
temper quite as uncertain as, and fa1
more dangerous than, the Vesuvian era.
ter.
But that was all past now. Hoxy had
struck it at last, or at least that is what
he said and believed, and indeed he
seemed to have good and sufficient
grounds for the faith that was in him.
The thing that Hoxy had 'struck"
was nothing less than "Hoxy's Ear Aux
iliary," which was intended to fill a long
felt want and the exterior human ear at
the some time. and by means of which
the wearer should be able to distinguish
the slightest whisper in the largest apart
ment and hear with accurate distinctness
all sounds made within a half mile of
him, either under cover or in the open
air. sts.
Eoxy had worked out the problem to
his own satisfaction and had conceived
and constructed his working model All
that remained was to secure his patents
an count the ducats which of necessity
must flow in upon him from the hands
and pockets of an appreciative and
grateful world.
But before filing his application,
Hoxy thought it would be as we'll to
give the Auxiliary trial; sort of dress
rehearsal, as it were. So without saying
word to Mrs: H. Hoxy tucked the
Auxiliary into his port ear and went
down to breakfast. Aside from the fact
Mrs. HIS shrill voice was magnifed into
the horrible potency of steam whistle
and the clashing of the knives and forks
was painfully suggestive of machine
shop in the midst Of the busy season,
nothing remarkable occurred until Mrs.
Hoxy stepped out into the kitchen to
the cook to gather up the fragments of
Hoxy's meerschaum while he was at
breakfast and bury them deep in the ash
barrel.
Hoxy was sure, from what he knew of
her, that Mrs. H uttered this precaution
in her softest whisper; but, thanks to the
Auxiliary, it struck Hoxy's tympanun
with the force of an enjine blowing off
steam. He heard every syllable, dis
stances Hoxy would have been cup a
he at this proof of the Auxiliary's power
that he hardly gave his meerschaum a
second thought. Indeed if he thought
of it at all, it was but to congratulate him
self that to man who had made such an
astounding discovery as he had, meer-
schaum or hundred meerschaums more
or less were as nothing. He could buy
new one every day of his life and not
feel it.
But Hoxy could eat no more break
fast. The meerschaum episode had so
wrought upon him that his appetite was
forgotten, and he hurried out for fur
Their experiment, He had uot long
to wait, for just as he emerged
from his front gate these
words came sounding through the Aux
Hilary: II say, Bill, there's old Hoxyp'
Hoxy looked around quickly to see
whence came this slightly disrespectful
language, but nobody was in sight ex-
| cepting two boys some twenty rods
down the street. another success for
the Auxiliary" murmured Hoxy,
swallowing his vexation.
Walking down town the successes
were SO frequently repeated that they
failing fast" 81 wonder how much lon
coat" ''HoXy's still under petit oat
government, suppose" Hasn't a cent
to his name. Owes everybody in town
who's fool enough to trust him." These
were a few of the Auxiliary's revela-
tions. 1t is safe to say that the success
| of the thing surpassed his widest imag-
inings. Yet he did not appear to be
happy, not consumedly happy. On the
| contrary he looked sad and detected.
| More than once he raised his hand to
his ear to pull out that long-felt want;
| but he restrained himself and walked
| on. s&t
As he entered the postoffice al
ways went to the post Office because that
is the thing for business man to do
more evidence ofthe beautiful perfection
of the auxiliary revealed ITSELF "Hullo'
whispered one, there's Hoxy. He looks
more like babosn than ever" "Won.
der what's his hurrv," said the other
'fraid the ragmanil get him, guess
And third remarked upon the benefit
that would accrue to the earth were Hoxy
out of it or under it.
Hoxy didn't tarry long at the post of:
fees. There was something in the ali
of the place that made him feel sick. 81
he sought the street again. But it was M
better u on the street. From every side
came fresh evidence of the peculiar es
TEEN in which he was held by his friend
and acquaintance. The young ladies,
whom he thought eaten up with envy oil
Mrs. Hoxy because ofthe jewel of hus
band she had secured, now alluded t,
him as ''that old fool" the married la
dies wondered how MRS. Hoxy coul,
live with that slovenly thing" and the
! street boys gave thrilling proof that the,
shared the universal contempt in which
Ia party by the name of Hoxy was hele
in the community.
/ Hoxy was now decidedly miserable
He began to doubt whether the Auxili
airy was long-felt want, after all. HI
] had about come to the conclusion that
mans happiness is not necessarily in
creased in direct ratio to the acutenes
of his hearing.
/ As these thoughts were runnin
through his head there came fresh ex
hibition of the success of his Auxiliary
1t was female voice. and this was tn
anyway, and guess Mrs. Hoxy won
shed many tears. Charley Snowdon
who used to wait upon her, you know
stands ready to take her just as soon a
Hoxy Is gone" S.
] This was the straw that broke tn,
cancels back, the blast that sounded the
death knell of "Hoxy's Ear Auxiliary.
With one convulsive grasp he tore th
hated thing from his ear, threw it to tn
pavement and ground it to dust unde
his heel. Then he turned about, rushe
home, DOTTED his old clothes, washed
combed and dressed himself into an az
nearance of responsibility. and quietly bit