Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1882-06-06
MIscELLAREoU Gus.
HoRenstein's Pants.

HOffenstein was busily engaged scolding
Herman for not polishing q lot of brass lew,
elry there was in the show case, when stoop>
ed shouldered countryman entered the store
and inquired:
"Have you got any good joan pants hero ?"
Certainly, MY trent" replied Hoffenst 10,
eve mako speciality Hf goods in dot line,
und We defy competition. If We sell ANGLING
und you gets your money back or soneding
else in exchange, you know. Vas you farms
err"
eyes, sir, live on Red river"
'FYell, den, you need a bair uf bants like
desc" said Hofenstien, pulling out q sky.
blue pair from pile of clothing on the eoun-
ter. Dey vas the genevine doe skin, ind
will last de whole year oud, you know"
The eountryman took the pants to the light,
examined the texture of the cloth, aud then,
shaking his head knowingly said.
There's too much Gotten in them they
will shrink"
"Of course my trent, dey will shrink, but
wait und l delIs you someding. Ifa man vat
owns pank or keeps store comes here,
don't sell him dem kind uf bants. Wy Be.
cause dey vas made EXPRESSLY for de farming
piziness. Dey vas de barometer bauts, und
blessing 10 every farmer vat wears a bair
uf dem. Do you know, my front, dose bants
will dell you exactly vat de vedder will be-
Ven it vas going to be vet urd cold dose
bants will begin TO shrink up, und ven it vas
going be dry uud warm dey comes right down
you know. Dree years ago 1 sells bair to
man named Wilkins, ind efer since den he
makes good crops ven de oder beople don't
make noding, because he always knows by his
thermometer bapts 7at de vedder will be.
Alder vile de beopls in de neighborhood
find out DIS seeret W wilkins success, und at
de beginning uf de planting season, you know,
deg come for dirty miles around if deg see
wilkins bants crawling up his legs dey hold
of und watts for a change, but if his bants
vas down dey goes right back home, und
put in the crop. Dink uf it my trent. Nit
de thermometer barts you can dell exactly
ven to put in cabbage seed, mud plant corn
dwice as peter IS nit an almanac, besides
ven de vedder gets so cold und vet dot dc
bants goes mp under your arms you can Sc
buttons on de frot uDd wear dem as a vest
When Hofeustein flashed his yarn con-
corning tho pants, the countryman smiled,
and turning abruptly around On his heel left
the store.
Did you see de way dot man acted, Her
nan said Hufenatein, angrily:
eyes, sir" replied his clerk.
"Vell, it shust shows dot &c moro YOU try
TO help some boople along de more you don't
get any thanks for it."-Joe c. A5y.
WORE kvIDENCg.-S. s. Hartman & Co., Os-
born, O.-G Gentlemen: Your valuable Peruna il
the best medicine over used.
NANCY FETTGRMAS,
CookDcrt Indiana county Pa
Your PET"HE for Indigestion and Liver tror-
eles helps ms. W. p BRISDoS
East Liverpool o.
was suffering with pain in the chest, paIpi-
tatlSa or the heart, with great swelling of the
stomash. PeTu"G Is doing wonders for me.
John
SharpsbuTg, Allegheny county, Pa
~ have had liver complaint for three wears:
thSnShS l woalI have to quit work; I have
soken two bo$tlea of yOur Perund and am we'll.
THOs. BRADFORD,
3l4 Western avenue. Allegheny City, Pa.