The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-05-25
WIT AND HUMoR.

Wonder If grass widows ever have
hay fever?
The richest men are oftenest pressed
for money-by other people.
Never cry over split milk. The milk
man has already wasted enough water
on IL
Literary: Il occasionally drop into
poetry as the man said when he fell
into the editorial waste-basket.
People are for ever talking of laying
up something for rainy day. when they
know well enough that it is the fine
days that bankrupt the purse.
..Oh, for a better half" said the sor-
rowing widower when he found coun-
terfeit ffty-cent piece among his
change.
1t does aggrayate a man tothink that
while his wife isn't afraid to tackle him
and nearly yank his head off. she is
madly terrorized by a cow that he can
chase out of the yard at any time.
The only great musical performers
who are perfectly happy when engaged
to play at private parties are the cornet-
lists They can easily make noise enough
to drown the conversation.
A man does his counting in private
and seclusion. John Henry, as boy,
goes behind the woodshed to suck his
orange. Not because he is ashamed of
it, but because he wants it all himself.
81 do love foolr' said Ophicleide,
with scornful glance at his neighbor.
''Yoa conceitcd egotistr' replied Fog
horn, with scathing calmness; and the
fight was over before the police could
get there.
Never milk while the COW is eating"
is the advice of a bucolic contemporary.
Judging from the character of much of
the milk that comes to market, it would
be more to the point never to milk while
the COW is drinking.
A man who eloped with Wisconsin
wife left note for the husband: Il have
looked your woman; but you are well
cum to my last weeks wages, witch l
didn't draw; and l hoap that squares
things"
The editor of the Sauquoit On. "
Register suggests that persons sending
in big eggs will please accompany them
by several ordinary-sized ones, not for
publication, but as guarantee of good
| faith.
A Connecticut doctor knows of thirty
| two cases where young ladies have
crooked their legs all out of shape by
wearing high-heeled shoes.-Detroit
Free Press Always 90 away from home
to learn the news. There are not thir-
ty-two young ladies with crooked-we
| beg pardon, our attention is called and
we'll finish this paragraph at another
time.-NeW Haueaa Register.
"'Tis no use! we are now in the worst
crisis of our history" said an enthusiast
tic young reformer at the family supper
| table Subsidy and Perfidy openly
walk hand in handr' s.Mebbe they be
a going to get married, Tommy" put
in the venerable grandmother, "and
that makes things not as bad as they
look to you. / remember when / was q
girl, and your grandfather came a court
! ing"
Post obit: Mrs. Malloy-"Shure Mrs.
McGinnis, an it's rather poorly yer
looking this morning." Mrs. McGinnis
| -''Indade, thin, Mrs. Malloy, an it 8
| good raison Pm havin' to look poorly.
Here's the postman just been to the
| uCOTS 10 ltll iue tucIC Il uedi lctleT
waitin' fur me at the postoffice; an I
can't fur the life of me think who it is
that's dead"
A dinner-party: The youngest gentle
man Git is his first visit) has broken the
ice at last by inquiring the name of the
hostess's little daughter, TO which the
child replied, Ethel" .And why,
Ethel, do you keep patting me on the
| arm?' Because mamma says you're
muff awful pause, during which
the child strokes him down-.'but you
don't feel like one, you know ITab-
leau.
A country clergyman went away on
visit, and took only one sermon with
him. 1t was SO much praised by the
congregation of the place that he was
called upon to preach on the next day,
as it was fast day. The preacher rumi-
mated the whole night on what he was
to do to rescue himself from the predic-
ament in which he was placed. The
| dreaded hour arrived, when he mounted
the pulpit. and with great solemnity
| said, Brethren, some persons have ac-
cused me of advancing propositions to
| you yesterday contrary to the faith and
of having misrepresented many passages
| of Scripture. Now, to convince you
how much have been wronged, and to
! make known to you the purity of my
| doctrine, I shall repeat my sermon. So
| pray be attentive"