The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-11-17
HUMOR.


ment of their children as with fire.
works. First the rock it and then the
stick.-Boston Transcript.
THE prodigal son was content TO live
on husks and anybody who has slept
upon country hotel bed will realize
that he had n pretty hard "lay."
"TELEGRApH blue" is new color. It
is the shade of mans face when he
gets dispatch from his broker asking
for more margin. Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
"WHAT under the SUM-" asks the Chica-
go Times, "is cocktail ?" A cocktail,
esteemed contemporary, is not under
the sun; it is under your yest.-Atldnta
Constitution.
Two MONTANA men, while sinking q
mine, broke into a subterranean cavern
filled with skeletons From the num-
her of dead heads in the pit it must
have been an old theater.
SHE hung upon the rope,
Her bosom full OF hope,
And watched the bathers grope,
| Puff and blow.
But Der sides abe quickly jabbed
With her baud, and yelled: I'm stabbedl'
/ When the lobster fondly grabbed
AT her toe.
In Mr.. Surgeons chnrch in London
the regular hearers absent themselves
one Sunday evening every three months,
and the house is given up to strangers.
But in. many parishes in this country
the very same thing is done every Sun
day evening.
THE question of how young couple
can live on $50 week, is being dis
cussed in some of the papers. A Gin
cinnati deacon says it can't lie done at
all, as it would take So for rent, and 81
for beer and picnics, thus leaving only
So for food and clothing.
NOTHING is so exasperating," says
Calino, the French Mr.. Darlington, "as
to hold a lottery-ticket and find that
the next number has drawn prize.
But I've taken my precautions to pre-
vent that always buy the two adj
! joining numbers as WE'LL"
did you say, sir, that looked like
that monkey in that cage over there?"
asked Filkinson in angry tones. mo,
Filky," replied Fogg; II simply said
that the monkey looked like you; and
to tell the truth, ! don't believe the
Boston. Transcript
"SIRE, your greatest enemy is dead"
exclaimed the messenger who brought
TO George ". the news of the death of
Napoleon Boneparts when did she
die 2" eagerly inquired the "first gen Ito.
man in Europe" The poor man natur~
ally supposed it was his wife that had
shuthed off the mortal coil.
TWO OF KIND.
An anxious to- marry young man,
Getting -dolar-a-day young man,
Who hasn't pc ny
Never learned 10 any,
Depending on-pa young man.
A dashing- and gay young girl,
A sit-up-at-night young girl,
Whose ma does the work
Like the slave of Turk,
An entertaining her beau young girl
Buffalo Commercial
YOUNG and fashionable wife (to very
plain and old-fashioned husband)-
Now, my dear, before L forget it, let
me remind you that at our dinner to-
day l wish You to omit those horrid
tales of yours of how you went bare
foot when boy, and do have little
more style than an Egyptian mummy"
-Harper'S Basar.
w tEhE bDHcStlttOu. bohti Iilo
proprietor of an Arkansas newspaper,
entering the office and inquiring for
the editor "He hasn't come down this
morning." replied reporter whats
the matter?" "Well' he got into dis
pute last night, and a fellow shot his
head off," did he leave any copy?"
"No, sir" How in thunder did he ex-
pect this paper to run without copy
Blamed if | go to his funeral!"
HENRY WARD BEEcHER's COW broke
into the grounds of an neighbor at
Peekskill and made havoc, which
brought the neighbor to Mr.. Beecher
II wish YOU would keep your COW out
of my shrubbery," exclaimed the irate
neighbor, to which Mr.. Beecher re-
piled: and i wish you would keep
your shrubbcry out of my COW; il
spOils the milk" The two aforesaid
neighbors are on speaking terms nc
more.
A GRANT county man professed re-
ligion and joined the church. The fol
lowing Sunday the new convert sent
word to the preacher that he wanted tc
be baptized The minister replied THAI
he was busy, but that if the convert
would call Monday he would be pleased
to see him. Then the convert sent the
minister the following suggestive note
cts fodder pull-time, and if you ex
pect me to be baptized Monday, while
/ mout be sayin of my fodder, yor
are away off your palpit. "-Arkdnsau
Trducler.
Horses.