Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1882-07-20
A RAILROAD PASS.
A Model Application from the Rural
Editor.

A Model Application from the Rural
Editor.
The philanthropic editor of the
Boomerang, Bill Nye, is now prepar-
ing letter writer which he evidently
means shall be of practical benefit to
his journalistic brethren. He says:
Our first letter will be the form that
should be used in addressing doubt
less corporation relative to pass:
OFFICE OF FREEDMAN S BuGLE Horn
WAHoo, NEB., February p, 1SS2.-
To Hon. J. Q. A. Gall, General Pas
senger and Ticket Agent, j. l. NJ. G..
r. 0. W. r. r.. Chicago, ILL.,: !
have addressed you at this moment
for the purpose of ascertaining your
mental convictions relative to an an
nual pass over your voluptuous line.
1t will occur to you instantly that
with the enormous power in my hands,
something should be done at once to
muzzle and suhsidize me. The Buqle
Horn stands upon the pinnacle of
pure and untarnished independence.
Her clarion notes are ever heard above
the din of war in favor of the poor,
the down trodden and oppressed. Still
it is my sole duty to foster and en-
courage a few poor and deserving
monopolies. l have already taken
your road, and so to speak, placed it
upon its feet. Time and again have
closed my eyes to unpleasant facts
relative'to your lines, because l did
not wish to crush a young and grow
ing industry. Last fall you had a
washout down in Jimtown, which was
criminally inexcusable its character,
but passed silently over the occur
renee in order that you might redeem
yourself. One of your conductors, ,an
over-grown, bald-headed pelican from
Larimle, man of no literary ability,
and who could not write poem to
save his measly, polluted soul from
perdition, once started the train out
at Wahoo when l was within one
quarter of mile of the depot, and
left me gazing thoughtfully down the
track with a $50 pound trunk to carry
back home with me. Another time
when my pass and pocket had eX-
pired about the same moment, and ]
undertook to travel on my voluptuous
shape, a red-headed conductor, whose
soul has never walked upon the sunlit
hills Of potent genius, caught me by
the bosom of my pants and forcibly
elected me from the train while it was
in motion, and with such vigor and
enthusiasm that rolled nown an en-
bankment 100 feet with frightful ra-
pidity and loss of life. A large bottle
of tansey and sweet-spirit-hear-1hy
prayer, which had concealed about
my person to keep off malaria and
rattlesnakes, was frightfully crushed
and segregated. Besides all this my
feelings were hurt and outraged, and
so was the portion of my pantaloons.
hushed these matters up. l kept
them out of the papers so far as posi-.
BILE in order that your soulless corpo.
ration might have new lease of life.
l now ask you whether in view of this
you will or will not stand in the patti
way of your company's success. VIII
you refuse me 4 pass and call dowr
upon yourself the avalanche of my
burning wrath, or will you grant me
an annual, and open up such an are:
of prosperity for the j. l. NJ. c. R
o. W. Railroad as it never before
knew? Do you want the aid and Ell
couragement of the Bug1e Horn ant
success, or do you want its opposition
and a pauper's grave beneath th'
blue-eyed Johnny jump-ups in th'
valley? Should you inclose the pas
I would be very grateful to you TO
any little suggestions during the yea
as to what my fearless and outspokel
opinion should be relative to you
company. Hoping to hear from yo'
favorably in the contiguous ultimate
ly, beg leave to wish you a yer,
pheasant bon cirdnt. Very sincerel,
yours, EPHRAIM BATES,
Molder of Public Sentiment.