The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-07-12
COMIC coMMEnTs.

--Whsts in a name: A landlord expects
two yer cent. more rent where the street is
called an avenue-LouisOiiie Courier-Jour
nal
"A curious fact. It takes a girl about
four hours longer to wash the front win
dows of a house than the back windows
Newport Journal
Bad state of affairs The trouble with
Kelly seems to be that the secret of his
motor is locked up in his brain and he has
forgotten the combination. - Boston Trans
c5Ipf.
Government aid: There is to be a
post Office established at Crocker, on the T.
and P. r. r. As soon as the post Office
building is completed the rest of the town
win be built -Sal Francisco Post.
"A suspicious addition; At st. Cloud !
traveller asked at what times the little steam
er left Every ten minutes" was the an
swer; Monsieur will not have to wait more
than a quarter of an hour. lie Figaro.
Washington scene; Deep-voiced guz-
scEoOnsrsl I Ave aij spectators, wis.
pering That must be the new Secretary
of the Navy."-Louispil2s Coarier-Joaraal
Art in the West: A CHI ago sculptor
named John Donoghue has returned to
Paris and applied himself to the idealization
of Chicago In statue. No pedestal will be
required, rs the feet will be life-size.--
LoioeN Citizen
tha
the sun is brighter in summer than In win
ter, is it not" i" Yes, and it's warmer and
enjoys better health" "Why does it enjoy
better health9" Because it gets up ear.
lier"-French W.T..
Why he reformed: When friend ash
ed reformed inebriate the cause OF his re-
formation, he said: 'As you are married
you will quite understand il when say get
ting tipsy made me see my mother-in-lav
double We Figaro.
Attentive: 81 do SO Like to talk b
YOU" she says softly, in pause of the con-
versation, beaming on him and signing.
"Why p asks the unsuspecting youth Be-
cause" she answers gently-because you
are all ears !"-Boston Transcript.
Some difference 1t is quite common
for boy to misbehave when people are
looking at him, for the mere fun of shocking
them. But man is not boy He knows
better, and acts badly only when people are
looking. Boston Transcript.
SO sad; A pretty girl in Sweden turn
ed up her nose at her poor but deserving
lover and it froze in that position. Now she
doesn't know whether to retire from the
world or hire out to stand in somebody's
hall as hatrack. San Francisco Post.
-Courtesies at an introduction First
gentleman-'M Madame, permit me to intro.
duee my friend, NJ. X. He is not nearly Sc
much of fool as he looks" Second gem
tleman-" That is where my friend differs
from me, madame. FROM the French.
Her veto: They were seated on the
sofa where they had been for four long
hours. Augustus, do you know why you
remind me of the Chinese ?n "No, dearest,
wnyr' Because you wonr co. The
meeting then adjourned sine die. --Rocheste
Eapress.
Below the belt: $50 you didn't leave
last night" said Fogg. "No," replied
Brown, ~ changed my mind" ~ con-
graduate you, old fellow" exclaimed Fogg
eagerly. 81 have always wondered why
you didn't do that; you couldn't change 1t
for the worse, you know. Boston Trans
script
Conclusive evidence: The old lady
came down to her breakfast in bad humor
and sharply addressing her son, said;
" Charlie, did you leave that whiskey bottle
on the parlor table2" mo; / guess dad
left it," why do you guess your father
left it 2" '"Cause it's brooklyn
Eagle.
Preservation of forest trees Pat was
sauntering along the street when he came
upon a workman cutting down decayed
telegraph pole. Surveying the operation
with look of mingled surprise and regret,
he muttered: "Begora, it's too bad. II Ii
kapes on this way there'll be no forest trees
left in the country. Brooklyn Eagle.
A kind invitation Imet him again the
other day. He had recovered from the re-
lapse occasioned by our serious conversation
of month ago l asked him where he had
taken up his abode. "Oh," he replied"
I'm living by the canal for the present.
should be delighted II you'd drop In some
evening. Then I left him.--Detroit Fves
Press.
Surprised at the smile: "Pm no SEQ
tarian," said Job Shuttle, as he grew warm
In religious argument. ~ believe every
man ought to be a strict Presbyterian" and
then he looked around In wonder as an aud
IDLE smile waited into the evening ir-Neie
Hapen Register
Somewhat ambiguous An Austin
young man was seen coming hurriedly out
of business house, which he had entered
10 solicit employment as salesman. ibid
the boss engage you as a salesman p No,
he wanted me to travel" was the ambiguous
reply.-Teaas SJ1ngs.
AN equivocal compliment: I'm SO
glad to meet you here, Captain Spinksi and
80 glad you're going to take me into din
nerl" Captain S. is delighted) You're
about the only man in the room my husband
isn't likely to be jealous of" Captain
Spinks' delight is no longer unmixed.)
True charity: "what harm has the
lad done you ?" asked an old gentleman,
roughly collaring boy who was warming
the jacket of another urchin with bit OF |
wild grape vine. He amt done me no
harm" What are you thrashing him for |
then 2" "'Cause his father and mother
never ticks him, and I'm dom it for char
ity.- Brooklyn Eagle.
"A deaf mans mistake: A good fellow,
a little deaf went into theatre In London |
the other day, where pantomime was GO
ing on. For five minutes he contented him
self with listening with all his might leaning |
forward, making an ear trumpet with his
hand etc. At last, finding himself unsuc-
cessful, he rises, and cries out in rage.
Louder louder, I tell youi Nobody can
hear that!"-From the French