Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-12-17
WOMAN GOSSIP.
The Trials and Tribulations Of
Women.
What a Woman Must 0o-How Young Girl
Claimed Her Rights-A Queens
8irthday-She Feared Insanity
A Cigarette Young Man.
TROUBLE OF WOMEN.

Upon the whole, it is a dreadful
bother tO.be woman, and do the thing
up in good shape.
In the first place, you've got to look
well, or else you're nobody, \ man
may be homcly, and still be popular.
Whiskers cover up the most of his face,
and. if he has wrinkles on his forehead,
they may speak of his cares and
thoughtful disposition, and tell each
other shat his wrinkles are lines of
thought, indeed, when in all PROBABLE
ity, his forehead is wrinkled by the
habit hc has got of scOwling at his wife
when the coffee isn't strong enough.
4 woman must always be in good or
der Her hair must be frizzed and
hanged as fashion demands, and she
must powder if she has u shining skin,
and she must manage to look sweet, no
matter how sour she feels, and she must
hang just so, and her laces must always
he spOtless, and her boot buttons all in
place and finger-nails clean, and she
mustn't whistle, nor climb fences, nor
stone cats, nor swear when she's mad.
She can't 90 anywhere when it rams,
because her hair won't stay crimped,
and she'll get mud on her petticOats and
things. She can't be Free Mason,
Lecause she would tell their secrets,
aud everybody would know all about
the goat and grid-iF0n, She can't
sm, ke, because it wouldn't be feminine.
She amt 20 coartlng, because it is I'M
koilarly. Bat kae must get married
before she Il twenty-five, or svegybOdy
wTIf feel wrongsa. People viii sigh over
bs~and wonsler why it h that men
"iO,lx seeun to ts.ksse-And al the old
r-aiess and widows will snIe signih,
esntiy. ID a.4of
II is a terrible thing 50 be An old
maid-terrible. Everybody knows Il
i, and the women who are marriedto
drunken husbands, and who quarrel
slX days out of seven, will groan IN
agony over the single woman, and cali
her ".hat poor old maid "
A woman must marry rich, or she
doesn't marry well" To marry Wen
j, the end and aim of a wOman's eXls-
tence, Judging from the view Whlch
people in general take of this matter.
Ii is everybOdy's business whom a
womaA marrieS. The whole nelghOor-
hood put their heads together and talk
over the pros and cons, and decide
whether she is good enough for him.
And they criticise the shade other hair,
and relate anecdotes of how her lazy
Aunt Sall used to sell beans and butter
milk.
A woman must wear No. boots on
No. feet, and she must manage 10
dress well on - cents week; and she
mustn't be vain, and slbe must be kind
TO the poor, and go regularly to the
sewing society, and slave in church
fairs.
She must be a good cook, and she
must be able TO do up her husbands
shirts so that the heather Chinese
washermau would grOan with envy
AMI gnash his teeth with unholy pas
sion at the sight of him.
She must always have the masculine
buttons of the family sewed on so that
they never will come off while in use,
and she must keep the family merry
50 that nobody would mistrust that
there were toes inside the stockings
when they are OF
She must hold herself in continual
readiness to find everything herlhusband
= has lOst-a man never knows where
anything is. He will put his boots
away on the parlOr sofa, and when he
has hunted for them half an hour he
will appear TO his wife with a eounten'
anCe like that Of an avenging angel
and demand to know "what in thunder
she has done with his bOots?"
She must shut all the doors after her
lord and master, and likewise the bu'
reau drawers, for a married man never
was known to shut a drawer. Itwould
be as unnatural as for q hen to go in
swimming for recreation.
She must go to bed first in cold
weather, so as to get the bed warmed
Her husband, il he be a wise man, never
asks her to do this, but he sets up II
hnish 'piece in the paper" and wait:
while she gets the sheet to q cOmfor
table temperature.
"Ah there are great many tricks in
the trade Of what is called Giving to
getherm
a woman is expected to take care o
the baby, even after the first infantile
wonder multiplles into a round dozen
And II he doubles up with the collie, Of
The trials of cutting teeth, necessary
evils of the mumps, and measles, and
Whooping-eough,a and scarlet fever, and
rash, and throat distemper, and shor
sleeves, and bare legs, and pins sticking