Morris tribune., 1882-10-05
.Spoopendyke as a Farmer.

Brooklyn Eagle.
4This," said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he
gazed around on his new acquisition OF
six acres, "this, my dear, is what /
nave always wanted. A farm, and a
farmers life are the highways to happi-
ness, Mrs. Spoopendyke, don't you think
so?"
"It's perfectly lovely" rejoined Mrs.
Spoopendyke. II was born on farm,
and j was always healthy, though had
to go good ways for water"
sfI1l fix that my DEAR" returned Mr.
Spoopendyke. "Tll bring the water.
Now where are my agricultural reports?
! must plant right off if we are going to
have crops and when they are ripe we'll
take them to market"
Il see the report says you must give
your hen chopped turnip once in
awhile" said Mrs. Spoopendyke. put
ting her thumb on the paragraph.
EITHER that or cabbages," returned
her husband. ~ don't know whether
we'll have cabbages enough" he contin-
ued, musingly.
'"You must have less buckwheat, sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke. 81 would
think, though, that two acres would be
enough for one hen, and if it isn't you
caa buy load now and hen from the
neighbors."
,"I'll think that over" replied Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Here's one thing 1
don't understand. 1t says we should
tesla few seeds before planting to make
sure that they will terminate, but it
don't say how to do it,"
maybe it means to boil them," sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopndyke, "or perhaps
you"
sob! perhaps you think it means to
,crack'em with an ak to see if they are
hard! s'pose you've got an idea you
stick straws into 'em to see it they are
done! Well, YOU don't; you put acid on
''em. I'll get some acid and drop 'em
in, and ifit discolors 'em they're no
good, and if it don't they're all right. L
think we ought to have some weevil for
the pig"
Il don't know where you are going to
plaintiff" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, Gun
less it will grow with the buckwheat or
onions. You can't put it in with the
cabbage because the pig and hen
would fight"
"Do you know what weevil is?" de-
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke. glancing at
his wife. SCOT notion its some kind
OF a weed for the pig to smoke, haven't
you? Imagine its a gilt-edged note pa
per with monogram for him to write
on, don'tyou? Well, itlsn't.a swallow-tail
coat or plug hat for him to 60 to church
in, neither! You don't plant weevil,
Mrs. Spoopendyke, any more than you
do soap or clothespins, or stair rods.
You buy it in barrels, and I'll order
some"
II think we'd ought to have some lace
curtains for the front windows" suggest
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to change
the conversation.
Eyes, we want folding bedstead for
the cow, and we've got to have a new
arm chair for the pig, and I'm afraid
those cabbages won't do without a wet
nurse" squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke. 81
suppose I've got to hire man to see that
the meadows don't go fishing on Sunday
and upset your religious notions. Oh,
you're farmers wife you are. If 1 had
time to write an index to you and get
some d6d-gasted binder to fix you up
with f1y-Ieaf, you'd make whole agrf-
cultural report"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot into the
house and 10 bed, while his wife having
put all the, oil lamps into the buckets of
water so they couldn't explode during
the night, fell asleep dreaming that the
cabbage patch had eloped with the
onions, while the cow and pig had died
of weevil, and the windmill had aban-
doned agricultural pursuits and started
OFT through Ohio preaching the gospel.