Western sentinel. [volume] (Winston [i.e. Winston-Salem], N.C.) 1856-1886, 1882-03-23
Some Shakes.
AN OLD sTAGERs EXPERIENCE WITH
ARKANSAS AGUE. ID TaE

AN Old STAGER EXPERIENCE WITH
ARKANSAS AGUE. u Il
Little Rock Gazette. >s----
'Speakin' ,bout the Arkansaw
ager,' saiG the man with the sandy
goatce and squiut eyes, as he ieau-
I'd back in his chair, that's whar
on saw my heart-strings, in case
I've got any left to saw OH. Gen
tlemen, gaze on me-"
The crowd gazed.
sWtien moved down into Ar
kansaw from Tennessee risin, OF
sixteen Vars ago | WAS purty-I
was tact. ] had a dozen :;skule>
m.rns in love with me to once,
and hang me mp if every gal in the
ballroom wouldn't break her neck
for the honor of dancin' with me |!
Yes, | was purity, and l was good.
was g" purity that children cried
for me, and so good that l was
taken fur a preacher on mcre'n a
hundred orcashuns. Whar has my
party gomez Why, 1've got to be
the inhunalIst alligator IN the hull
swamp, and Pm growin' meaner at
the rate of mile a day Fact,
solemn fact, and that cantankerous
ager is to blame for the hull of it.
I've got squint to my eyes, my
nose has been driven back an inch,
aud what teeth I've got left have
to be wedged in every Sunday
with pine pegs, or I'd swallow 'cm,
Purity ! Why, the sight of my
phiz down in st. Louis killed a
Texas steer deader'n a door nail,
and l was tryln' to look handsome
at that =
i 'You said you had the aguc.'
Said so? Do you 'spose all the
other cal'lnities in this hull kentry
could have busted me up in this
way! You bet had 'er! l strng
glcd with FER right along fur 'leven
straight Vars without let mp
Gentlemen, let me harrer youl
souls with few timely remarks
Your Michiganager is a grasshop.
per, and one dose of kyneen knocks
Ter dead. Out in Iilinoy the agel
is bigger-abo1s like squirrel. II
Missouri she's about tlIe size of {
woodchuck, and when she strike.
down into Arkansaw she's wei
T three feet high, seven feet long, ano
built TO take hold like thousand
buzz saws. Great slams but wha
tussels I've had with that ere crit
ter! Say, did ye ever ride in en-
, hoss wagin over a stone quarry
Was ye ever seated on the top raj
of a fence when a hurricane movet
it at the rate of six miles a minute
Did yo ever have a cyclone pick y
, up and mop you over forty acres Q
l river bottom, wallop ye throug
ten acres OF woods and use We 70
!, a tool to knock down one hundre
: acres of cane brake? Well, tina
t amt the ager-not the Arkansa,
G kind ; it's only the first faint pref
d lninaries. He stopped to religl
: his cigar, and then continued:
L Hiiu lOuS W hSes auu OoH
: keer to stretch this thing any. Tellil
i the truth has allus bin my stron
\ fpint, and allns will be. Maybe ye'
get some idea of the Arkansaw ag,
I, when tell ye that once unjointe
' both shoulders in shakin', and it W:
) light shake at that. When I hs
;, on one or my reg'lar doubl'l-back a
" ton shakes l could jar jug Of viii.
II ky out of4be crotch of q tree twent,
), eight rods off. Nobody dast pile u
n cord wood within half mile of n
: cabin, and that's a solemn fact.
=. deyoured kynecn just as you e
:. corn beef, and my hull system final
!. got so bitter that a dog who smelt II
y leg couldn't get the pucker out OF b
6 mouth inside Of len days. Cent?
~ men, do not wish to prolong th
j. agony. My tailin' is grub. Fust
1T know I'll jump the ager and begin (
,e Arkansaw skeeters, anu when | g
n, there I'd harrer yer souls till
~ couldn't sleep fer two weeks. "
-, will now have some Ticker and | "
:. seek a few needed reposes."