The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-10-06

1HE O14SmdA 4dAu 40dS uS-bu16o
miles.
DoEsthe night mail go by the bed
post?
A BUIoN is spoken Of as nobby thing
in low-ut shoes.
SrUfl and nonsense A big dinner
and thepostprandial speeches.
WHn the gods love die young, The
gods d. not love spring chickens.
@YoU are accused of being chronic
thief. What excuse have you got ?"
aNone. boss, 'ceptin' chronic poverty
replied the Austin colored Yagrant.-
Terds S'fti1ags.
"ARBgou certain of securing the
diadem' asked the minister Of the
dying nan. And when the man said he
4didn4want to diadem bit, the minister
and the doctor flew, and, as natural
consequence, the man got better
Jeloelets' Circular.
Il SHOULD SO like to have coin dated
the year of my BIRTH" said maiden
lady Of uncertain age to a male ac
quaintanee. ado you think you could
get one for me?" II am afraid not, he
replied, "those very old coins are only
to be fond in valuable collections"
IT is said that wire fences On farms
can be utilized for communication by
telephone between farm houses, so that
farmers wives can visit with each other
without walking half mile. Yes, but
they can't borrow tea and sugar while
they a1P visiting by telephone, so they
will never be success.-Peck'S San.
II SEE" said old Mrs. Aneho7y; that
they alB making railroad car wheels out
of paper. What do you suppose that's
for, MRS Birdseye?" "That, oh, I've
no doubt they are getting scared about
SO many people being run over and cut
in two endwise, and are trying to get
some lind of stuff that amt so danger
ous "--Cheek.
LITTLE Freddie was undergoing the
disagreeable operation of having his hair
combed by his mother, and he grumbled
at the maneuver. "Why, Freddie, +"
said mamma, you ought not to make
such fuss. I don't fuss and cry when
Thy hair is Gombgd;" Eyes; replied the
youthful party, "bflt your hair amt
hitched to yotif head"
II HARDLY think we shall remain morS
than a week at Newport, as the Judge
is partial to mountain air" "The
Judge?" queried Mrs, Slursling; "I
was not aware, my dear madam, that
your husband had adorned the bench"
"Oh dear, yesl" smilingly chirruped
little Mrs. Scantwit; "why, he's been
three, times judge of cur town elee-
lions! t"
IT was a warm Sunday night and
some Of the congregation in the little
church we're slumbering languidly, ex-
cept one man who snored in manner
not at all languid. The preacher, OBJ
serving this, left his notes and said to
one ct the deacons in the front row !:
"Will you, please ask that brother to
stop snoring or he will keep other
brethren awake" The rest of the
sermon was listened o.-Chicago
Cheek.
STRANGER, will you take hand with
us at poker?" asked couple of Austin
sports Of man recently arrived from
Galveston. THANK you, gentlemen;
but there are seventeen reasons why I
cannot accommodate you" "What are
they?" well, first, I do not under
stand the game" "Why, that's the
principal reason we want you to play"
remarked one of the sports, cahdid1y,
seeing that as, far as roping in thab
stranger, the game was up.-TeraS
SJtt11gS.
An eccentric old gentleman who had
married his second wife, hoydenish
young creature, entertained a party of
gentlemen one afternoon, and was much
chagrined by the non-appeafance of his
girlish spouse. Upon inquiring he as
certained that she was in the garden,
and thereupon invited his guests out to
be introduced to her. AS they rose to
accept the invitation, his son, lad of
IA, exclaimed: Don't do it, dadp
"Why not?" he asked, angrily. "Be-
cause" returned the boy half apologet-
ically, shes up a cherry tree" -
Brookty71 Eagle.
CHATS all Internal nonsensel" re-
piled the old man from Connecticut, as
the other asked him if wooden nutmegs
were ever really sold in that State.
give lived there risin' of seventy-fve
years, and never saw such thing in
all my life" "But there are stories to
that effect Il don't keer for no
stories. All there.is to the hull bizness
is the fact that some of our folks were
SO hurried for time that they couldn't
wait for hams to grow, and made EN-
out o wood" They did, eh!" Il ac-
knowledge they did, but the Lord never
laid it up agin old Connecticut-never.
All them ERE hams went to the heather
in Boston. "-lFdU Street NelUS.