Brookings County sentinel. (Brookings, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1890, 1882-08-31
SPICE AND AllSPiCE.

DOES the night mail go by the bed
post?
RAINDBOPs on the roof" Of course
it drops on the roof. That's what the
roof is for.--Cincinnatt Saturday
| Night.
You may consider yourself much bet
ter than somebody else, but you can't
prove it to his satisfaction, anyhow.-N
Y. World.
To be good swimmer the mouth
should always be kept shut. Women
are seldom good swimmers.-Yo Yonkers
| Statesman.
On a ferryboat land this, too. after
the boat lett the dOck): P. Bah!
Good morpingl Going over ?" Friend
(curtly)-" Yes." P. B.-"So am T.
A New HAVEN man has been arrested
for breaking silk umbrella over his
wife's head, and the Danbury News IN
dignantly exclaims: "The extravagant
brute"
SOMEBODY once said: "Nothing is
impossible to him who Wills" We
would like to see that chap build a bar
rel around bunghole.-NeW York
Commercial advertiser.
SOMEBODY writes us "the body has
two buildings, two trees, two animals,
and two fish. Thus-two temples, two
palms, two calves, and two soles." Yes,
and tulips and toe nails.-Boston Com.
Bulletin.
ARCHBISHOP WHATLEY was one day
asked if he rose early. He replied that
once he did, but he was so proud all
that morning and SO sleepy all that
afternoon, that he determined never to
do it again.
A JERSEY mikman turned pale when
several of his customers dubbed to-
gether and made him a present of q
scarf pin in the shape of pump. 1t
was cow-herdly act.-M Y. CONNER
ciai advertiser.
A DEALER advertises in an anglers
paper, "Fhes, reels, rods, tobacco,
whisky, and all other requirements for
anglers" Ii the fisherman has full
dispense with rods and reels. Fish have
such queer tastes.
WHERE are you going anyhow"
asked an irate conductor on the Central
Pacific the other day Of "beat" whom
he had kicked off five or six times, but
who always managed to get on again just
as the train started. "WelI, said the
fellow, I'm going to Chicago, if my
pants hold out!"
A FRENCH officer said to q Swiss col
onel: Chow is it that your countrymen
always fight for money, while We French
always fight for honor" The Swiss
shrugged his shoulders and replied, 81
suppose it is because people are apt to
fight for that which they need most. -
Erchapge.
An Arkansaw editor, in retiring from
the editorial control of q newspaper,
said: "It is with feeling of sadness
that we retire from the active control Of
this paper, but we leave our journal
with gentleman, who is ablsr than We
are financially, to handle it. This gen.
tleman is well known in this community.
He is the sheriff"
A CHICAGO man visiting Cincinnati
was being shown around by citizen,
who said: "Now let's go and see the
Widows Home" The Chicago man put
his finger to the side OF his nose and
winked and said: "Not n uch / won't.
/ saw q widow home once, and she sued
me for breach of promise and proved it
on me No, sir, send the widow home in
hack. ."-Neu Haren Register.
Tbs first white hair! A woman still
young in years held 1t up to the light
and gazed upon it with tender melan-
choly, for WAS 1t not harbinger of age
that must surely come to her should she
live and she thought she would? 1t was
the first white hair she bad found in q
new red wig she had bought few days
before and she was naturally mad about
it.-Cncinnati Saturday Night.
NEAR the village of Kirkmansville, in
Todd County, KY, there lives a man
who has twice learned to walk, twice
learned to talk, is blind In one eye, is
deaf in one ear, Is married to his aunt,
which makes him cousin to his children,
uncle to his brothers and sisters and
cousins, brother-in-law to his father and
mother, and-well, for further informa-
tion call on the gentleman himself.
"You make a mistake, sir. You set
too good table altogether. Now what's
the use of cucumber and huckleberry
pie right along for dozen meals?" 81
know it, l know it, beamed the land
lord. 81 give 'em all the luxuries to
wunst." "But, my dear sir, think of
the cramps?" "Jess 80, Jess so. But
I'm bound to get my guests into the
bedrooms, if do cramp 'em some"
Mr.. BARNUM was at Block Island re-
Gently with a party of English people
and other friends, and, as usual, P. I.
had made many friends with the chill
dren. "Do you know who am ?" said
he to q lad in knee breeches. "No,
sir" said the little fellow. "Well, l
will tell you. I am P. T. Barnum, the
great Snowman" "Oh" shouted the
Juvenile, then you are Jumto's papa?
SoME persons can't understand why
matches should,cost more now than they
did during the war, when everything
else was over fifty per cent. higher than
at present. 1t is easily explained. The
Delaware match crop was killed by the
cold winter that destroyed the peaches
there O year ago. The report that the
increase in price was caused by the war
in Egypt was q false alarm.-Norris-
tot0n Herald.
TRANSLATED from the Omnibus:
Guest 10 the landlord" Mr.. Landlord,
the box with toothpicks stands again not
unto the table," Landlord-"T Tooth
picks there are with me not more"
Quest" Why then not?" Landlord
Know you in former times, then were
the guests 80 cultured and stuck the
toothpicks, after the use, again IN the
box. But nowadays takes every man
one with. So much the business can't
afford"
"SEK heah, ole woman, dis heah wa
ter's done got fipskipPers int" said
Uncle Bose, as the old lady passed him
blue decorated mug with the handle
broken of. "Um. spose'n dey is; dey
won't hurt yo' carcass much, nohow.
"Go long,. chilel Dey's slibe, dey isi
wat yo' talkin' ?" "Yo' doan reckon
devil be alibe wen yo' done swAliered
'em, do yo'p Drink 1t down, niggsh,
drink II down. Yo's getsn' povfI
tschy."