The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-02-25
REAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

cent
Always ready to have hand in conversation
Deaf and dumb people.
Smelling salts-Ssilors trying to discover
mace where whisky is sold
Pamphlets are hard to dispose of, but books
are bound to sell.
A little 'leven can't cause jury to rise above
disagreement.
Do people write a running hand In order that
he who runs may ready
The beer dealers threat-Pay that five cents or
The Old Nicke be to pay.
In puglism, a round is made up of a number
Of square blows and fiat fall.
A cigar is perhaps the only thing that is de.
rtruyed by being pulled too freely.
The poet says that when ladies nowadays let
thelr hair down over their shoulders you cant
tell (Which is switch"
An old lady wants to know what is meant by
.snean time Our watch keeps it,-Ncc York
Pest
Boston paid $685. 900 for the wine, food and
carriages used by her Common Council in junk
etangs last year.
The peusive mule is not usually regarded as
susceptible to pathetic emotions. And yet he
occasionally drops a mule-teer
The farmer that iran rapidly through his
property" wore red shirt, and had his brindle
ball behind Enthusiastically Night
A devilnsh with arms thirty. two feet long has
been caught on the banks OF Newfoundland
What a cashier he would have madc
Another death ia reported in London OF lady
Who had taken an excess Of "aatifat" medicine
The nostrum is supposed to act as slow blood
poison.
IL used TO be called moderate drinking" but
now that science has invaded the subject it is
regarded as 'taking It in true physiological
quantity"
There are eight newspapers in this country
which have passed the age of one hundred years.
The original proprietors have all retired.
A German astronomer has found new planet
Anybody who misses any of his planets should
make q note Of this. -Ieras SJtings.
Most great singers are accused OF taking some
slight stimuant, but few know how much 1t
take TO prime donna.--Boston Commercial Bul-
Sstn.
Iowa legislators are discussing bill to reduce
railroad farei to half cent mile. An amend
ment is pending to reduce boots to fifty cents a
pair A motion to fix the price of butter at cts.
a pound was amended by inserting so cts.
One by one the men take courage,
One by one they married get
Still the ladies say-and truly,
There are those "who ought to'-yet.
Personal Item: "Did understand you, sir, to
VI ;e To- ha hah nf fri
ping the light fantastic? "Oh, no; not all. |
only spoke of him as the famous Dan, sir"
Says the Albany Argus: ''Great truths are Of
ten said in the fewest words" Do you mean the
remark Of the Indian who, on sitting upon a
Yasps' nest arose and remarked: Heap help
Boston Post.
An Eastern man started a gorgeous "billard
parlor" oat West but neglectiug liberal sup
ply of spittoons, it was said his establishment
did not come up to the public expectoraton.
The Little Rock papers mitigate the crime OF
man who committed suicide there last week
by saying It was his first otfenso. Very likely he
had not been long in the state or he would have
made the attempt sooner.
che was gored by IN angry bull" wrote re-
porter, In describing the death Of a farmer.
"Don't be tautologica," said the editor Strike
out the word angry; Of course good.natured
bull wouldn't do such thing"
The editor Of the Virginia (Nev) Enterprise,
being accused Of being a Brlton, pleads guilty.
He declares, in extenuation, however, that he
has "eudeavored in his own person to make am
pie atonement for that terrible mistake of his
early life"
1t is understood that the Rev. Mr.. Hoffman, Of
Bloomington, will lecture. He might have still
had some respect for himself out when a man
gets started on the downward course, there is no
telling where he will stop
A maiden who lived 1T Accord,
The ght OF spider abhorred:
But her lover made holder.
Brushed one from her shoulder,
And she gave him q kiss In reward
Next night, as he sat by her side,
And let himself artfully glide
Round her trim, beted waist
20 George, now make haste,
Aud pretend there's spider" che cried.
The evils of tobacco have once more been dem.
onstrated. cOlored man who had spent his
life in LOriards tobacco tory has lust passed
away, aud II is believed the tobacco must have
seen the cause OF his death. The unfortunate
mans age WAS l07 years. This Is another SOL
emn warDlng.-N. Y. Sun.
Two factory girls had been sentenced TO four
months imprisonment for drunkenness In Low
ell, Mass. They were young, and their case
elected sympathy in court. AS they were being
taken out the officers saw their mother slip a
bottle Of whisky into the pocket of each. There
was no longer any astoniShment that they had
become druBksrds so young
The biggest girl in the school at Hammond's
Corners, Ohio, was whipped by the teacher with
great severity. Her father had the young man
arrested, and few days ago the case was called
far trial. But the prosecuting attorney said tina,
the matter had been amlcably arranged; the girl
not only was convinced that the punishment was
desarrnd hni acccntad the teach.r,s