Connecticut western news., 1882-11-29

not 8 freeholder, and therefore not quail fled to serve. 'I am stopping for the time being at this place." "You board at the hotel, presume "I take my meals there, but have rooms at another part of the town, where I lodge." 'So you keep bachelors hall? ?" "Yes, sir. "How long have you lived in, that man. ner?" "About six months" ''I think you are qualified" gravely remarked the Judge, ''for I have never known man to keep bachelors hall the length of time you name who had not dirt enough in his room to make him freeholder. The court does not excuse you"
 TRIAL AT COERCION
 A motherly old woman. considerably troubled with the asthma, and lame, called at the Twentieth street station the other afternoon, says the Detroit Free Press, to state her case. She made the Sergeant place his hand on copy of Browns grammar, which happened to be there, and swear that he would never tell anybody and then she began
 "I have 8 daughter"
 "Yes."
 "And my daughter has beau"
 "Perfectly natural"
 "They are engaged, and the wedding day has been set three times, but he Hunks out of it every time. The first time, he claimed that his father was dead; the second time he was afraid he had small pox, and the third time, which was yes- terday, he said it would bring bad luck to marry when comet was visible. Now, then, I don't like this fooling around When me and the old man were ready to marry we walked over to the minister's, without any, backing out or fooling around"
 "Well?"
 "Well, I want to bring this young man to time. He's either got to come up to the rack or jump the fence."
 "Yes, he must"
 q wanted to ask you how far I could go. Suppose, after he arrives tomorrow evening, walk into the room with a pistol in one hand and minister of the gospel in the other? Wouldn't that pre- cipitate climax?"
 "I think so"
 eff he really loves Susie I think he would stand up and be married. If he is only fooling around he'd jump through the window, wouldn't he?"
 "Looks that way to me-"
 "Well, I'll try it. I sha'n't indulge in any threats, you know. I'll hold the pistol carelessly in my left hand. and hang to the minister carelessly with the other, and I'll simply remark that there's either going to be a marriage or skip. I think that William will marry. It's my opinion that he is waiting for Q little coercion, and I'm pretty good on the coerce when I get started
 "Well, don't break the law
 "Oh, no, no! If he skips I sha'n't dc any shooting. I'll let the dog give him run across the commons and send the minister home. I shall be as cool as ice, and it will be all over in five minutes.' Yesterday William and Susie were talk ing their bridal tour on the elegant new Michigan avenue two-horse street cars. The young man had been coerced. AL1sPICE. THE love of the negro fol having was forcibly shown at the police court in Sel- ma, Ala., when 8 negro man had wo- man arrested and tried for biting off a piece of large sweet potato, which was produced in evidence as his sole proper | ty. The woman, after receiving the usual reprimand, was discharged on her promising that in the future she would let the "gentleman's taters 'tirely alone. " During the trial the mayor asked the prosecutor how much his potato was worth, and received from that rather smart individual this cunning reply {; "Waal, boss, dat depends on how hun gry man is.
 WHEN woman wants to get rid of her husband for an hour, she sends him up stairs to get something from the pocket | of one of her dresses.
 AN Oswego physician, in questioning an old colored woman the other day in regard to her ailments, asked if she had a good appetite. "No, doctor, she re- piled, "and I don't care about good appetite until provisions get cheaper, es- pecially meat"
 AN Englishman said that liquor had been the horrid-gin of all his troubles.
 els this your first appearance in a court of justice ?" asked the recorder of a vagrant, "No, your worship, it is the last time thus far. How Is it with your self?"
 A Tribute to De Long.