Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-09-28
HUMOR.
Why does the letter Y work impossi-
bilities? 1t makes lad lady.

/
Why are your eyes like omnibus
horses p They are always under lashes.
Why is billiard table like the letter
P?-because Q (cue) follows it.
What did Lot do when his vile be-
came pillar Of salt? He took fresh
| one.
At a social club to which Jerrold be-
longed, the subject turned one evening
upon music. The discussion was ami
| mated, and certain song was cited as
an exquisite compositiDE.
"That song" exclaimed an enthusi-
astic member, "always carries me
away when | hear it,"
Looking eager round the table,
''can anybody whistle i?' asked Jer-
rold.
Why is an attorney like clergy man?
Because he studies the law and the
prophets (protits),
Glow many children have you
you now?' a lady asked an old servant
TIE other day.
Fourteen" he replied.
"a large family, indeed"
Eyes, ma'am, said the philosophic
retainer, "but you see I'm not like
many of my neighbors; I've never had
any churchyard luck with my child
they all lived"
A young lady attending balls and
parties should always secure a fem ale
chaperon until she is able to call some
male chap her own.
What part of the human ia ce would
a COW think of when eating? Eyebrows
& browse.)
My first supports the ministers, my
second the doctors, my whole the
schoolmsster. Pupil tpew-pilD.
Why are wicked old men like fixed
stars? Because they scintillate.
Is 1t runaway in the insect or ami
NAL world when you see one antelope
with another?
Archbishop Whatley, who set his
face sternly against indiscriminate
charity, and was never known to give
to beggar in the street, is said to have
been once touched by the regretful
compliment of an old Irishwomai,, who
appealed to him whether "a gintleman
with such foine calves" ought to have
such a hard heart.
A wife, having lost her husband, was
inconsolable for his death leave
me to my grief" she cried, sobbing;
"you know the extreme sensibiity Of
my nerves; mere nothing upsets
them"
"Please tell me what the time is?'
asked little boy of an apothecary,
who was much troubled by such IN
quiries.
"Why, told you the time but q
moment ago. snapped the apoth-
ecary.
Yes, SIR" said the boy; "but this is
for another woman"
A iive.y ear-old, visiting at the sea-
side, and obliged to sleep three in a
bed, narrated her dream, which being
unfinished, she accounted for fully by
saying that she did not have room to
| dream the rest of it.
School-masters, as is we'll known,
have plan OF reversing question and
answer, with view of making it quite
clear. This does not always work well,
Judging by the following: A school
master in Yokelton asked small pupil
of what the surface ofthe earth consists,
and was promptly answered, Land
and water" Varying the question
slightly, that the fact might be inn
pressed on the boys mind, he asked,
"What, then, do land and water maker"
To which came the immediate re-
spouse, Mud"
A stranger dropped in one morning
at q Washington drugstore and called
for bottle of Congress water. The
intelligent clerk ducked beneath the
counter and promptly produced bot
tie of old Monongahela. The custom
er tasted ii, and then, depositing his
glass, remarked, "Do you call that
! Congress water
That's it answered the pi(lco
FOUNDER. smiling pleasantly. Every
Congressman who comes in here drinks
it,"
Plant The setting sun, what will come
up?-The morning-glory.
People who wonder why mems hair
turns gray before their whiskers, should
reflect that there is about twenty years
difference in their respective ages.
A professor was showing party Of
ladies and gentlemen over some large
works at Birmingham, chiefly engaged
in the manufacture of complicated op-
teal Instruments. The party came
across very ingenious instrument
the working of which the professor
proceeded to explain. In the midst OF
his exposition roughly dressed
young man standing near struck
in, and civilly pointed ou'
that the man of science was quite mis-
taken in his motions as to the instru.
ment in question. The professor
whose weak point is not an excess o
humility, angrily maintained his own
view, but did not succeed in convincing
his opponent, who finally shrugged hi:
shoulders and walked off.
VINO Is that-that person? asked
the professor, Indignantly, OF work
man standing 10y.
Lob, that is Doctor X" was the re
ply. He invented that instrument