davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-05-13
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

my wife" remarked Fitznoods,
lis fairly crazy over the fashions. She's
got the delirium trimmins."
Tomorrow never greets us; to-day
never bids us farewell; yesterday never
recalls u.s. Whitehall Times.
The hardest rocks are made of the
softest mud, just as the biggest swels
are made from the smallest men.-LOU-
ELL Citizen.
Jenny, you're a pig" said a
father to his son, who was five years old
"Now, Lemmy, do you know what apls
isT" Eyes, sir-a pig is hogs little
boy. ''-Meriden Recorder.
Sympathetic lady to beggar, who is
standing with hat off: 80, sir, won't
you take cold?" Beggar: mo, thank
you, ma am; only takes pennies or five.
cent pieces. "-Phtladelphia Sun.
s "A chap who sent us poem begin
ming "When twilight dews are falling
fast upon the rosy lea," has since mar
ried Rosa Lee, and now the weekly dues
are falling faster upon him.-Free Pres
The presence of spongilla furtatS
in most of the city water in the lands
regarded as sufficient excuse by man!
for the insertion of four Tablespoonful
of spirttsIs frssne,sti in a small tumble
of aqua purG. NorristoDn Herald.
Now that the fact has been demon
strated that the earth will continue .
revolve on its axis for at least ten NIL
lion years more, we would request our
subscribers to hesitate no longer ahD
paying up for one year in advance. We
may be sanguine, but we think this%
portunity for displaying faith shouFiS
be neglected. -Hackensach RepuNtGh
"A New York athlete named DonaG
son wants to bet that he will jump IRON
the centre of the BROOKLYN bridge into
the East River. He is safe enough y
that bet. Wen bet that neither he MOI
any other man can jump from the cenlls
of the Brooklyn bridge and come doTg
anywhere but in the East River.-M i
Graphic. =,
1T was an independent looking fei
low who was standing on the rallroau
track, apparently paying no attention
the fact that a train was rapidlyP
preaching. 81 say" said the stauoG
master, ''you had better get off the u 1S't
or you will get run over" II fancy tn%
is my own affair if l get run over, wa ss
the reply. Eyes, l reckon so, but WI.
is going to attend to taking up the mes
afterwards? It's not me-" And, reach
ing out his right foot, he kicked the u,
different man fifteen feet and nine lncne'
by actual measurement Te1GS SyS"gS
We have studied with great care ~
essay ION the Application OF Elec. W.
Puncture to the Treatment OF PulsSao
Exophthalmos of the Orbit, and on ". ,i
whole conclude that it is indispenSSo~
for family use. Night after night nav
we been kept awake by the ''pulsatlle "a
ophthalmos" getting on a racKet Su rs
knocking its own orbit askew. Ii w
had only had an ''electro puncture ~
or even bell punch in the house Wv
should have been happy. But nv"
science has stepped in and filed TINS lons
felt want we are comparatively happy
Ne'0 HdUeR Register.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-05-13
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

-ClncInnatl CLAIMS to have taken 9nn
converts into her churches this whit.
There is in New Orleans a coloroa
sisterhood of the Catholic Church VIII
are devoting themselves to the educat;oSo
of young girls of their own race.
"A young lady recently received inf.
the First Baptist Church at Burlinctnu"
Iowa, dated her first religious cow
tons to the reading of Longfellow,.
psalm of Life. ''-CEicago Journal
The Brooklyn Board of Educato.
charges its teachers with using sIs rrUn
dressing loudly, and showing lack 81
refinement and cleanliness. In sbo.
they are totally unfit to teach BronLS
lyn's children.
"A sect called the ''New Israel, bo,
risen among the Jews of Russia Il
abandons circumcision, abstinence fror'
certain viands, changes the Sabbath frona
the seventh to the first day and abolisboa
usury. N. Y. Iradependent.
"A railroad conductor was recors,
chosen deacon of church. When |,
became his duty to take up a collechon
he surprised the congregation by sta,t
ing out with the characteristic eiacnla
ton: Tickets, gentlemen!'' The CON
tribution that day was large.-ChicG1o
Herald. Nv
Sands Street Methodist Church :,
the oldest of its denomination in Brood
Ign. The rules which were in force i
1915 required that the SEXTON. sho,J
have the church opened and the candies
lighted at least a quarter of an hour be.
fore the time of evening meeting. He
was also to see that the candles were
snuffed before the meeting began.
The steady progress of missionary
work in India may be judged of BY wbsi
is said by the Rev. James Smith. an
English Baptist missionary of long ey
perience in Delhi. He says that thirty
years ago it was considered encouraging
if a new convert could be reported eyerV
two or three years. Now, at every mis-.
sion station. they are counted by scores
in each year.
AT the meeting of the Unitarian
Club in Boston the other night President
Eliot, of Harvard University, told GOOD
story of Professors Day and Dwight Of
Yale. The former, he said, is long Of
speech, and the other is concise and
pithy. The two We're out taking walk.
spiced with conversation, when they
were met by a friend, who greeted them
with the paraphrase of Bible text:
"Day unto Dwight uttereth speech;
Dwight unto Day showeth knowledge"
N Y. Post.
The suggestive and inspiring teacher
is the man who is born to his WORK
and who alone should perform it. A
patron of school was once heard
to say: Il wish we could get such
a teacher as we had last year; he taught
the children hundreds of things they
never thought of before, and my boy
has pestered me with questions ever
since; he will scarcely give me any rest;
he tells me everything he has heard there
and relates to me all the stories in his
reading book and comments upon every
thing. Such teacher has value be-
yond expression; he remains an inspir-
ing influence in his pupils lives to the
end of them. These teachers may be
found and they are always appreciated
abstractly; it has not been discovered
that they are paid more liberally than are,
the billiards of their professionally
Tribune.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-05-13
THE PRAISE OF GOOD DOCTORS

THE PRAISE OF GOOD DOCTORS.
The best OF all the pill-boX crew,
Since ever time began,
Are the doctors who have most to DO
With the health of hearty man.
And so / count them up again
And praise them as can;
There's DR.. Diet,
And DIR. Quiet
And DIR. Merryman.
There's DR.. Diet. he tries my tongue.
81 know you WELL" says he:
"Your stomach is poor and your liver is
sprung.
We must make your food agree"
And DIR. Quiet. he feels my wrist
And he gravely shakes his head,
''Now, now, dear sir, must insist
That you go at ten to bed"
But DIR. Merryman for me
Ofall the pill-boX crew!
For he smiles and says, as he fobS his fee:
Laugh on, whatever you do!'
So now I eat what ought to eat,
And at ten go to bed,
And laugh in the face of cold or heat;
For thus have the doctors said!
And so / count them up again,
And praise them as l can:
There's Dr. Diet
And DIR. Quiet,
And DIR. Merrymanl
S. w. Stttfeld, in N. Y. Independent.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-05-13

Mr.. johnson firmly believes that he
had supernatural impression. He had
contract for building church at North
ampton, Mass, and the work was nearly
finished. One evening as he was about
to go to bed he suddenly felt that some
thing was wrong in the new edifice. I'm
able to rid himself of the idea he dressed
himself, went to the building, unlocked
it, and saw that flame was Just rising
from pile of oily cotton-waste.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-05-13

Gold to the amount OF $500. 900 is
used annually in filing the teeth of
American citizens.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-05-13

The oyster does not belong to the
human race. There are seasons when
ne Keeps his mouth shut Detroit Free
Press.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
keep a full and complete stock Of
PAINT And VARNISH BRUSHES.

upon which I do not pretend to make any profit. They are kept
for the convenience of my Paint and Varnish customers, and sold
at cost. This is no bragadocia or humbug, but just what 1 have
done in the past, and propose to do in the future. Anyone who
needs Paint or Varnish Brushes, large or small, flat or round,
will do we'll to call on me.
In conclusion, I desire to say to the people of Lafayette and
adjoining counties that I have the Goods and am bound to sell
them. L buy in various markets, being tied to none, but pur-
chasing where l can do the best. My advantages in freights:can
not be met by any other yard in this vicinity, and often constitute
a TAR profit in themselves. 1 have determined to make the
lowest rates possible on Lumber, &c, &c, kept in stock, and if
the prices L ask seem unsatisfactory l will order car lots at such
commission as may seem fair to the purchaser.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
in the collection of what l regard, and

in the collection of what l regard, and
what this court has said are unlawfu,
and unjust claims.
refused to permit the county collector Of
Greene county, to recover Judgemen,
for railroad taxes based on the same
class OF bonds as those in controversy in
the suit of Davis VS.. Greene coantv.
Now, while tbs court still professedly
adheres to that ruling. It says in effect
to the bondholders: "Your bonds are
unconstitutional aud void, and we will
moi allow you to recover on them in our
state courts. if you bring suit In those
courts in tho first instance; but if you
will exercise your customary ingenuity,
ii you will sue the county on those
bonds in the federal courts, recover
judgment, get Il mandamus against the
county, we will construe the judgment
against the county to be q judgment
against every taxpayer in it, permit the
county collector to recover judgment
against each taxpayer in our " courts,
and when the taxpayer asks the poor
privilege of being heard, we will tell
him that his lips are closed and his
rights cut of, by a judgment to which he
neither was nor yet could have been
made a party" This decision of the
majority, in my humble opinion, instead
of preserving the Integrity OF each
tribunal respectively" converts this
court into the mere servile adjunct and
a%ppendage, the mere tax-gatherer of
every petty federal court in the country.
For these reasons 1 am for reversing the
s,l~.ra AID &, oot~ thso rnr.
feeble protest. l am painfully conscious
that 1t will avail nothing.
No. the die is cast ! Henceforth county
means and embraces each citizen 60
nomine.
Henceforth, a federal court with a
state court attachment, will trample our
laws and constitutions into the dust, and
accomplish the realization Of the widest
dreams OF the lovers OF consolidated
power. L. A. SHERWOOD.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
FINE VARNISHES.

l keep Tascott & Sons, which is of most excellent
one pint upward in size, so that a lady can use a little of it
to varnish a chair, a bureau or a %bedstead, pour what is left
back into the can, and preserve 1t for years if she SO desires
A brush will cost her 20 cents, and can be made to last a
long time. Thus it is very cheap and convenient. No one
need now to have rusty-looking furniture, when a few cents
will buy enough Varnish to brighten it up. Ladies, call
look at my Tascott Varnishes. They are cheap and always
ready for use.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06

An old citizen Of Baltimore and An
original wing. says: 81 have been all
my lie expecting to see the democratic
party die. and once tried to assist at its
funerals but it survived all assaults.
from within and without. and reads the
obituaries OF its most formidable oppo-
nents. 1t can't be killed, and even sni.
eide don't Stay it. l consider that. in
some form or other, the democratic
party will be contemporaneous with
this republic"
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
~ n JAMES u. HUKD,
Judge of Probate Court

Is a compound of the virtues of sarsaparil-
la, stillingia, mandrake. yellow Gur!l. with
the iod!d. of potash and iron. all powerful
matchmaking. biood-clcansing, and i~ilr-siS,
tanning elements. 1t is the pl,Icst. safest.
and most etfertnal alternative medicine
known or available to the public. The sci
ences of medicine and chemistry have never
produced SO valuable a remedy, nor one so
potent to cure all diseases resulting from
impure blood. 1t cures Scr"fula and
all scrofuious diseases. f1rysipeias.
II Face-grubs, Pustuses, Biotchcs.
Boils. Tumors, letter, Iiumors.
Salt Fsleum, ScaId-head, ISins-Norni.
Ulcers, Sores, Rheumatism, Mercuriaf
Disease, Neuralgia. Female Weak
Affections of the Liver, Dyspepsia,
Emacia:ion, and General Debility.
BY its searching and cleansing qualities
it purges out the foul corruptionS which
contaminate the blood and cause dcran"e-
menr and decay. 1t stimulates and c~nliycns
the vital functions, promotes energy ana
strength, restores and preserves health, and
infuscs new life and vigor throughout the
whole system. No sufferer from any dis
ease which arises from impurity of the
blood need despair who will give AYERS
SARsAPARILLA Il fair trial.
1t is folly to experiment with the numer,
Gus low-priced mixtures. of cheap materials.
anu WITHOUT meuitlllal virtues. Oiitrtit IA
b~lOod-purifierS, while disease becomes more
firmly seated. AYERS SARSApAHII.LA is Il
medicine of such concentrated curative.
power, that it is by far the best. cheapest.
and most reliable blood-puriiicr known
Physicians know its composition. and pre-
scribe IT.. IL has been widely used Tor forty
years, and has won the unqualified conf
dence of millions whom it has benefited.
Prepared by Or. J.. c. Aver g. Co.,
Practical :ihd analytical Chemists,
Lowell, Mass.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
ADMINISTRATORS, NOTICE.

T ETTERS of administration on the estate OF
II George Houx. deceased. were grant
ed to the undersigned on the 9th day of
April, 1882. by the Probate court of Lafay-
cite county, Missouri.
All persons having claims against said estate
are required to exhibit them to me Tor allowance
within one year after the date of this notice, or
they may be precluded from any benefit Of such
estate; and ifsuch claims be not exhibited with
in two years they will be forever barred.
ELIZA A. UDUX,
aprSt5 Administrators.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
NOTICE OF CONDEMNATION

Notlce OF tendency of petition for vacation oil
Blocks number ten and eleven IN the
town OF Mayhem
NoliCE Is hereby given that there VIII be a
~ petitlon presented by the undersigned to
Tue county court of Lafayette county, state OF
missouri, for the vacation of block number ten
llo) ana block number eleven Cl) ;also the vaca-
uoh OF Eeiih, boundary and Elisa streets, and al
leyS tnat are in said blocks. Said petition Will be
called up for hearing on the first day of the June
term, ID. ,lSS2, of s:tid county court, to be b"gui,
and held at tine courthouse, in the city OF Lex
ington, on the 9Th day of June, lss2.
apr22t4 f. W. RIDINGS,
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
ORDER OF PUBLICATION.

In the Probate Court of Lafayette c~ounty-ad-
journed February term-4th day-Aprll
F-u- 9Th, 1882.
Joseph N. Whitsett. administrator of the estate
of Berry Barton. deceased.
NOW at this day comes Joseph N. Whitsett.
" administrator of the estate of Berry
Barton, deceased, and presents his petition,
praying for an order Tor the sale of so much OF
the real estate of said deceased as will
pay and satisfy the remaining debts due by said
estate, and yet unpaid for want Of sufficient
assets, accompanied by the accounts, lists and
inventories required by law IN such cases; on
examination whereof, it is ordered that all per-
sons interested in said estate be notified that
application as aforesaid has been made, and
that unless the contrary he shown on or before
the first day Of the next term of this court,
to be held on the second Monday in May,
1882, an order will be- made for the sale of the
whole, or so much OF the real estate of said
deceased as will be sufficient Tor the payment
of said debts.
And it is further ordered that this notice be
published III the Lexington Weekly Intelligent
Ger, a newspaper published in the said county
of Lafayette, for fonr weeks successfully be-
fore the commencement of the next term of this
court. A true copy: Attest.
JAMES Il. HORD,
anrSt5 .Tullrt. Of Prthnta Cnurt
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
ADMINISTRATORS NOTICE.

T ETTERS of administrator on the estat. OF
IL AbsOlom Sibert, deceased, were graz. ed
to the undersigned on the 9Th day OF April,
Missouri.
All persons having claims against said estate
are required TO exhibit them to me for allowance
within one year after the date OF this notice, or
they may be prectuded from any benefit of such
estate; and if such claims he not exhibited with
in two years they will be forever barred.
MOSES CHAPMAN,
aprSt5 Administrators
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
ADMINIsTRATRIx NOTICE.

I ETTERS administration on the estate of
II George Ioux, deceased, We're granted TO the
UNDERSIGNED on the 10Th day of April, 1S5., by
the Probate court of Lafayette county, Mis-
souri,.
ALI persons having claims against said estate
are required TO exhibit them to m. Tor allowance
within one year after the ,ia:c Of this notice, or
they may be precluded from any benefit OF such
estate; and if such claims he not exhibited with
in two years they will be forever barred.
ELIZA a. HOUR.
apr22 Administrators.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06

zone must either grow old or die,'
remarks George Elliot. A good many
people it is noticed, dye.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06

With The new year. Ayers American Alma
mac makes Its customary appearance. 1t is u
welcome visitor IN every family. Its pages are
rellete with crisp medical advice, refreshing
humor, and much information not usually found
In such u work. Its astronomical calculations
have u high reputation for accuracy, and thsy
are adapted. in the various editions OF the AL
n'anac. to all parts OF the globe. While IA large
portion OF its pages are devntei to an elaborate
advertisement Of The medicinal preparations of
this house. it is a noticeable feature that MANY
prescriptions are freely given Ior the benefit of
the sick, irrespective OF Ayer,s medicines.
These preparations are universally used and
appreciated for their valuable and reliable anal.
tiles. The almnnac describes the application q,
these medicines to the diseases they are intended
to cure. 1t can be obtained free of charge nj
any drug gist or dealer in medicine, ,nn,6,
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06

The United States is fast becoming
a vaccine nation, says somebody.
Well, it is not to be pitted.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
FINAL

NOTICE is hereby given to all persons inter-
~ ested in the estate of John Gather,
deceased; that the undersigned, administrator,
estate ut the May term, 1882, of the probate
court of Lafayette county, Missouri. to be begun
aud held at the Probate court room, In the city
OF Lexington, on the second Monday in May,
1882. JOHN &. YOUNG.
a,rSt, t;,
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
ADMINISTRATORS, NOTICE..

r ETTERS of administration on the estate o.
II Jesse f. Atkinson, deceased. we've granted
to the undersigned on the 18th day of April,
1882, by the Probate court oil Lafayette county.
Missouri.
All persons having claims against sid estate
are required to exhibit them to me for allowance
within one year after the date of this notice, or
they may be prccluded from any benefit of such
estate; and if such claims be not exhibited with
in two years they will be forever barred.
ALMlRA q. ATKINSON,
aniIl2lt5 Administrative
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
DO you PLAY! WHY NOTe

- iOU I'M WHY NOT!
using Sc per's instantaneous Guild. tn tho
~ heys OF tile Plane and Organ, any person.
man, woman or child who can read or count
nSures, Can learn to play in ONE HOUR without
q teacher. This is no humbug; money viii ha
feaunued II not as represented. The Guide
WIN ~ pieces OF music. will be sent to any ad,,
lars. Address marchsnSu
HUMANS CO., 65s Broadway, N. Y.
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
there IS A BALM IN
ClIEAD

For all Nerve and Rrain affections are
Invaluable. They are prompt, safe and
electnaI. The best known remedy
in the world for nervousness In All
LIT. lstageS; Weakening of the memory.
Loss 81 Brain power, Nervous DebiI..
ny, Lost Energy, Lost Hopes, Iupru-
Idences OF \ Outh. EXcesses in maturer
years. Seminal Weakness, and General
~ Loss OF Power in Generative Organs.
clark q TO those suffering from Nervous Irr,t-
ablllty, Nervous Headache, Nervous
REGISTRATION. Nervous Exhaustion relief
Is afforded. In many cases OF female
Weakness they act like a charm. The
Invigort the Editor, the Busin.s. mnn c,n III ~
ating he benefited by their use Iife 10 tnn
short to waste away in n dull ,orpid
manner. when u 81 so box will bene-
tnt you, and six boxes will cure and
restore you to health and happiness for
~ =! 80. Ask your druggist Tor them.
f1ils. rake no other. Or semi direct to the
manufacturers, who will send them y
mail. sealed: on receipt Of price. Ad-
lure.s DIR. Clarke Medicine Company
lt5S Broadway, New York. Send 3 cent
tamp for circular mrchIyI
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06

Nothing will make hens lay so well
as seeds scratched from a neighbours
garden,
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
Lexington Market.

In this report the wholesale prices are given il
lett hand column, and retail prices in right hanC
column. In country produce, the figures on tn.
left denote what the merchants are paying, ant
on tho right the prices at which they sell.
FLOUR-Best -four per sack. S rs
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
From the Detroit Free Press.l

kAouA shS DSt4oiS e
When the Albany express tram over
the Central road reached Niles the other
day a Detr oft commercial traveller board
ed the train to find every seat taken. In
the corner of one coach was a seat Occu
pied by two satchels, and another by an
overcoat and hat, while the owner of
the articles was in :he s~moking-car.
The Detroiter gathered up all the bag
gage and placed it on the wood box and
occupied the seats with his own, and he
had just got comfortably seated when
the late occupant returned from his
smoke. He saw what had transpired,
and he was white with anger, when he
began:
who moved my baggage? ?"
81 did" was the reply.
''Sir, l represent the Wholesale crock
cry house OF Blank s. Blank OF New
York, and ="
II knew it-saw your name on the
baggage interrupted the other. ..Hav-
emit YOU seen the papers to-day 7"
mo, sir ?"
"a thought not. Well your house has
tailed for $2SS, 900 can't pay twenty
cents on the dollar-bad bust-no time
for you to swell over two seats-crowd
In somewhere or stand by the stove. and
when we get to Detroit I'll help Sou get
a pass home. Sorry for YOU, and all
thai, but our house is rated A l, has "a
reserve OF $75 900 in mortgages, and
the survival OF the iittest Is a principle
older than the hills. Have a c,garPn
Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1882-05-06

United States OF America, eastern divis.
ION OF the western district of Ms.
souri,. set. -
1. Henry C. Geisberg, clerk of the
circuit court OF the United States, in and
for said district. do hereby certify, that
the foregoing writing is true copy OIL
the return OF respondents fled April 25,
1889, in the above entitled cause as fully
as the same remains on file and of rec.
ord in my Office.
In testimony whereof. 1 have hereuntc
subscribed my name and affixed the
seal of SAID court, at Office, iu the city
of jefferson. in said district, this 27th
day OF April, 1882.
IL. G. GEIRERa, Clerk.