Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1882-12-29
/ GaKAr BuR0tAH ALAhA,
A Convenience tor the Use Of
burglars Pat on ana Pat OF
with Thrilling Results

literature to scandal from scandal to
relicion then took araudom jump and
on the subject o. burglar
Aud DOW, for the first time,
Mr. McWillisms showed ieeiieg-
Whenever | see this sign on a mans
dial, | comprehend il and lapse iuto
silence, and give him opportunity to
unload his heart. Said he, but with
unconcealsd emotion:
II do not go one cent on burglar
alarms, Mr.. Twain-not a single cent,
and | will tell you why. When we
we're finishing our house we found We
had a little cash left over, on account
of the plumber not knoWingit. l was
for enlighteuing the heather with It.
for / was always unfortunately down
ON the heather, somehow, but Mrs
McWilliAms said no, let's have a bur
glar alarm. / agreed 10 this compro-
mise. | will explain that when | want
a thing and Mrs. McWilliams wants
another thing, and We decide upon a
thing that Mrs. MeWilliams wants
as we always do she calls that a cen
promise. Very well; the man came
up from New York aud put in th.
alarm, and charged 1925 for it, and
said we could sleep without uneasiness
now. SO we did Tor awhIle-ssy .
month. Then one night We smelled
smoke, and | was advised to get up
and see what the matter was. l lit a
candle and started toward the stairs
and met a burglar coming out OF .
room with a basket OF tinware, which
he had mistaken for solid silver in the
dark. lie was smoking a pipe. |
said: My friend, we do not allow
smoking in this room. lie said he
was a stranger and could not be ex-
pected to know the rules of the house;
said he had been in many houses dstas
good as this one and it had never been
objected to before. He added that, At
fax as his experience went, such rules
had never been considered to apply to
burglars anyway.
II said. Smoke along, then, if it il
the custom, though | think that the
~conceding of a privilege to a burglar
which is denied to a bishop is a cor
s]picuous sign OF the l%ooseness OF the
times. But waving all that, what
business have you to be entering this
house in this furtive and clandestint
way, without ringing the burglar
alarm
"He looked confused and ashamed
and said with embarrassment; L BEG
a thousand pardons. | did not know
you had a burglar alarm, else | would
have rung it. | beg you will mo-
mention it where my parents will heal
of it, for they are old and feeble, anC
such a seemingly wantOn breach o
the hallowed coDventionalities of ouI
Christian civilization might all to-
rudely sunder the frail bridge whicl
hangs dangling between the pale anc
evanescent present and the solemn
great deeps Of the eternities. May
trouble you tor a matehy
81 said: Your sentiments do yol
honor, but, ifyou will allow me to sa,
it, metaphor is not your best hold
Spare your thigh; this kind light onl,
on the box, and seldom there in fact
My experience may be trusted. Blu
to return to business, how did you ge
in hereY
Through the second story win
dow
1T was even so. l redeemed tn.
tinware at pawnbrokers' rates, les
cost of advertisipg, babe the burgla.
good night, closed the window ate.
him and retired to headquarters t,
report. Next morning we sent for tn
burglar alarm man. and he came Vi
and explained that the reason tn
alarm did not 'goOf was that 40 PAT
Of the house but the first floor wa
attached to the alarm. This wa
simply idiOtic. One might as wei
have no armor at all in battle as Il
have it only on his legs. The exper
now put the whole second story Cd tn,
alarm, charged $500 for it and wen
his way. By aud by, one night Ifount
a burglar on the third story, about Il
start down the ladder with a lot O
miscellaneous property. Ny first i'm
pulse was to crack his head with
billiard cue, but my second was l.
refrain from this intention, because h
was between me and the cue rack
The second impulse was plainly tn
sOundest, SO | refrained and proctedel
to compromise. redeemed the proc
erty at former rates, after deductin
ten per cent for uge of the ladder
and next day we went down for tn
expert once more, and had the thir
story attached to the alarm for $500.
by this time the 'annunciator ha,
grown to formidable Dimensions. |
had forty seven tags marked with th
names Of various rooms and chimney
and it occupied the space Of an ordi
nary wardrobe. The gong was tn
size Of a washbOwl, and was place
above the head Of our bed. Their
was a wire from the house to In
coachman's quarters in the stable
aud a noble gong alongside his pillow
w should have been comfortabl
now but for one defect. Every morn
ing at five the cook opens the kitche
door, in the way Of business, and ri
went that gongi The first time hi
happened | thought the last day wa
come sure. l didn't think it in bed
, no, but out Of it--for the i~rstefect {
that frightful gong is to hurl yo
across the house and slam you again
! the wall, and then curl YOU u6 an
! squirm you like a spider on a stove Ii,
till somebody shuts the kitchen doc
: In solid fact, there is no clamor m,
Is even remotely comparable 10 N
, dire clamor which that gong make
r Well, this catastrophe happened eve
e morning regularly at FIVE O'Clock, an
lost us three hours sleep: for. mir
0 you, when that thing wakes YOU,
o DOESN'T merely wake you in spots
o wakes you all over, conscience and a.
a aud you are good for eighteen hon.
q OF wide awakeduess subsequently,.
eighteen hours Of the very most i
conceivable wide awakcdness that VI
ever experienced in your life.
stranger died on our hands one tim
and we vacated and left him in Of
b room over night. Did that stranp
wait tor the general judgment? II
sir he got up at FIVE the next mornir
d In the most prompt and unostentatior
IS way; | knew he would; / knew
mighty we'll. He collected his il
II inanranoa and liund hannr aua..nl