davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A German astronomer has found a
new planet. Anybody who misses any
of his planets should make a note of
this.-Teras Siftimgs.
Why is paper money more valuable
than coin? Because you double it when
you put it in your pocket, and when YOU
take it out you find it increases.
! She (of a literary turn: Doesn't
this remind you of lawn fete under
Louis XIV?" He (matter of fact):
BEG pardon that was rather before my
time, you know
"A while ago a party of lynchers
down. South postponed the hanging five
minutes to allow the victim time to fin
ISL smoking cigar. This proves that
the use of tobacco prolongs life.
They have found King who
reigned in Egypt more than a cent
nry before Abraham. He's dead.
He's a mummy. He's not pretty
mummy now. but mum he is, now
No773Stowi5 Herald.
ike" said Mrs. Partington, run
down town aud get some venom dis
tinguisher; | do say, the cockpoachers
are getting SO humorous that I'm almost
repealed to decoy them;' and Ike smil-
ingly said ''yessum.'
-"No, ma," she said, Charles can
never be anything to me more. He has
come out in his last seasons overcoat;
and oh, ma, if it only matched my new
dress, wouldn't care so much, but it
doesn't, and we have partedr'
"A Paris photographer has invented
a process by which he can take a like
ness in the one-hundredth part of d sec
ond. This time is not SO short, however,
but the average boy could change his
position three or four times during Sit
ting Titusvitle WorId. t,.,c
"A cocl1ney inquired at the postoflice
the other day for letter for gEnry Hog
den" He was told there was none.
"Look 'ere,'' he replied little angrily,
'syou'ye hexamined lIodd letter for my
name. 1t don t commence with a hatch;
it begins wit no. Look in the ole
that's got the hos"
"A traveller visiting Mexican cathe-
dral was shown by the sacristan. among
other marvels, u dirty OPAQUE glass
phial. After eyeing it some time, the
traveller said: ''Do you call this a relic?
Why, it is empty ''Emptyr' retorted
the sacriStan, Indignantly. F"Sir. it con
tains some Of the darkness Moses spread
over the land of Egypt" i
There is martial infelicity in Dead.
wood as well as elsewhere. When q
wife runs away with an affinity the be-
reft husbands posts notices in the sa-
looms, where they will catch the eve of a
majority of the population. A recent
one reads as follows; my wife Sarah
has Shook my rancho. When / dident
Doc dained thing Too her an | want
it distinctly understood that any man
that Takes hur In an keeps her On my
account Vii git himself pumped so Full
OF lead that sum tenderfoot win locate
him for a Mineral Clame. If She runs
hur face fur goods | won't Put up for
hur, an Tie lick the son-of-a-tor-nado
that talks her stand-off even Fur the
drink. a word To the wise is sufficient
an orter work on fools too
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11
HindOO Philosophy.

That there are more ways than one of
seeing everything is shown in the para
ate of the tiger and the man, who were
both looking at picture, in which the
Rz2an was drawn as victorious and the
beast subdued. The man says unto the
tiger: Dost thou see the bravery of the
R1san, how he has overcome the tiger?n
The tiger gave answer: "The painter
MAS a man. If tiger had been the
painter, then the drawing would not
haye been in this mannerr'
Rochefoucauld says: g How can YOU
expect friend TO keep your secret, when,
&sy telling it to him you prove that you
are incapable of keeping it yourself?"
To beware of how you confide in your
Friends is given in the tale of miser,
who said to his friend al have now
1000 rupees which will bury out of the
city, and | will not tell this secret to any
one beside yourself. They then went
out of the city and buried the money un-
sieF tree. Some days after the. miser
going alone to the tree to see if his
ssl0ney was safe, found it had dsap-
peared. AT once he suspected his friend
kFBt he dared not question him, as he
SSas sure that he would never confess it.
10 he had recourse to this strategem.
9soing to him he said: GA great deal of
money is come into my hands, which |
Eant to put in the same place. If you
Egill come tomorrow we will 90 toreth-
ar The friend, coveting the larger
fsaiII, replaced che smaller. Tn the mean
tlsne the miser went and found it, and,
having. secured his money, he deter
mined never again to confde in Il friend.
One of the Kings of Persia sent skill
sal physician to Che prophet Mohammed.
After remaining some years in Arabia
4Rithout any one making trial of his skill
tzs physician, he'went to Mohammed.
and complained, saying: "They sent
n1e TO dispense medicine to your COM
Ft2nions, but TO this day no one hath
taken notice of me that | might have an
opportunity of performing the service to
(which had been appointed Mo
Damned replied at is a rule with these
people never TO eat till they are hard
pressed by hunger, and to leave off eat
fag while they have good Appetite
The physician said: GAY, indeed. this is
the way 20 enjoy health He then
S1iade his obeisance and departed.
We all know what degrading thing
@Tarice is-how it benumbs a mao :
e2ner instincts, and lowers and degradss
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

I'm the last ten years the number of
churches of all persuasions in Chicago
has increased from 156 to 2lS.
"A church in Dundee, Scotland. has
telephone attached to the pulpit for the
benefit of invalids who cannot come to
church.
There are two colleges in the United
States possessing departments of political
science, Columbia College and the Uni
versity of Michigan.
During the last forty years 12O mis-
sionaries have fallen victims to the elm
ate of the west coast of Africa, but the
converts to Christianity number over
10000. ..'"
The Girard fund for the support of
the Girard College, Philadelphia, amounts
ed last year to 100000, With improved
business, it is said it will easily net
$1,000,000 in 1882.
To raise money for her church the
Rev. Miss Anna Oliver, ''the black-eyed
girl PASTOR" of Brooklyn, is to issue 49,
600 shares of stock at one dollar each,
the certificate of stock being portrait of
herself.
Mr.. Matthew Arnold advocates a
change in the teaching elementary
schools, so as to give larger place to
memorizing and reciting poetry. He
argues that it suggests high and noble
principles of action.
President Darling, Of Hamilton Col
lege, is a busy worker. He does all
the preaching in the chapel, Iietts-al-
most every class in some recitation, and
goes out at intervals to make addresses
for the college, and delivers DEDICATION
and installation sermons.
The Christian Leader (UBversalist)
has notice of a congregational that de-
nomination which has decidd to cele-
brate the Lords Supper without distrib-
uting the elements to the people. The
bread and wine are to ''stanl on the table
as sacred cymbols to speakthrongh the
eye to the heart, the miniser interpret
ing" ...
The State of New York expended
1868, 1872 last year upon public schools
"a larger amount than my other State
Illinois follows with S6,735,47S; then
comes Pennsylvania With 6,046, 116.
New York has $50, 225 illiterates out of
a population of 5,08E871, and Massa-
chusetts 168,615 out q population of
1,763,0S5.
, -Baltimore's mostfashionable Meth
odist church has Introduced electric
lights into its AUDITORIUM with exceed
ingly pleasing effect. 1t is the Mount
Vernon Place Methodist Church, and the
Rev. Thomas Guard d. D., one of the
most distinguished orators in the Meth
odist fraternity, is itspastor. The church
edifice cost about $3)0,000
The Christian at Work says: Upon
the subject Of pauper relief the Christian
Leader well says: How so to admins
ter charity that it shall not be a curse,
so far from being paradox, is in sober
truth one of the toughest and the most
serious problems of the age. But give
your neighbours dog bone for the third
time, and the question how to prevent
the animal from quartering upon you for
the rest of his life becomes more of
puzzle than a problem of Hamiltonian
metaphysics. And the solution of that
problem is-united systematic benevo-
lence discriminatory bestowed.n
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11

"A very sad incident occurred in
Hoboken, N. j., the other night. A
man, whose wife was so badly afflicted
with the ,esthetic craze that she had re-
Gently given, party to which only those
of esthetic tastes were invited, came
home in a state of intoxication, greatly
to the astonishment of his better-half,
who had never seen him in that condi-
ton before. How dare you appear
before me in such, condition, sir?" She
exclaimed. cts esthetic," he replied.
"What do you mean, sir?" asked the
wife. You gave-a little blowout the
other evening, didn't you, that you said
was a very cohsummate affafr?'' Il
did She replied, ''but what has that
to do with your drunken orgies?"
"Well," said the man, 'Tve been hav-
FAiS Z" i ~ VIC toou' w. ,rrI. t.t.;F
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11

'.7-At Erie, Pa, VIM, Ross and wife
held a protracted discussion of the ques-
ton of the omnipresence of the Holy
Ghost, until the debate ended with the
insanity Of both and their confinement
in an asylum.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11

In Rockville Center. N: Y, sixteen
baby graves standing in a row, each
mound about three feet long, show the
atlliction to which MI, and Mrs. Furman
Abrams have been subjected. Their
seventeenth child is living. y" '. "iH
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11

Since 1910, 523 theaters have been
burnt down in the Old and New World,
400 disasters of this kind having taken
place within the last 100 years Cup to
1879, while from 1918 the average
rate was thirteen theaters per annum.
In the list of localities, London, with
thirty-one, is at the head; Paris, with
twenty-nine, follows next; the youthful
city OF New York has twenty-six, and
the yet younger San Francisco twenty
one.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11

Thomas 4. Henry has been admit
ted to the bar in Philadelphia, the first
colored candidate to pass the examining
board in that city.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-02-11
A. Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed

And by such a ones sympathizing advice ors
AID many trouble has been lifted and bnr dnu
and when, from his experience, he advisosp ping;
instructs, his opinions should be Needed TF aIi9
words can never die, and good deeds are n aia
lost the lnducement for always doing The ooe 81
that they had better do nothing than do Iiiti"e
forgetting that it is the detail that makes The az
gregate-the drops that form the showersNctIbss
9tue klndnesses OF life that make existence enc
JACOB is extending relief to the suffering s,InnIr
ant by offering bottle of that wonderful remed,i
ST. JACOBS OH, so all can do something of hen9a'
mt for his fellow men in their times of 1rouble y.
sickness. In how many instances could The Sin NJ
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02
The Business Situation.

ALI authorities and thinkers on the
subject agree that the immediate condl-
ton Of business affairs in this country is
unsatisfactory in many respects. Dam
ages, present and prospective, by Hoods
crop deficiencies, recent unlucky specu-
laticns, all these have produced very
perceptible impressions on the temper OF
trade, which must exert somewhat OF a
discouraging influence.
Nevertheless there is no real cause for
encouragement, for as the Louisville
Courier Journal forcibly remarks, ''the
adversities of the last six months as
compared with the country's growth in
wealth in the last five years is like an
ounce of depression compared to ton
of power" This is conclusively de-
monstrated by our Western contem-
porary in a calm review of the situation.
1t calls attention to the fact that the
major part Of our crop deficiencies
is matter purely of domestic exchange.
AS to the food crops, we export ordi-
narily only the fifteenth part of the corn
crop, 80 to 40 per cent. of the wheat
crop, much smaller proportions of other
cereals and animal food crops, and 90
per cent. of the cotton crop. These per-
centages will be reduced necessarily to
some extent. But the four last unex-
ampled harvests have enabled the United
States to add upward of $50, 200, 900 for
eign and domestic gold and silver to the
volume of circulating money, to buy IN
from Europe the greater part of the
national debt, to buy in millions OF
dollars of corporate Indebtedness and to
execute in the meanwhile gigantic I'M
dertakings for the improvement OF the
wealth producing power of the country.
A significant measure of the advanced
position of our wealth and trade also is
in the fact that the same rates of
Federal taxation, which, in 1878, barely
paid the current expenses of the govern
ment, yielded last year surplus of
about 1925, coo. 600 on an increased scale
of ordinary expenses. The currency
which, in 1878, while gold was at pre-
MUM, amounted to about $775, 900, 900,
is now nearly 81 400, 900, 900, all in specie
or convertible on demand.
Certain special conditions, however,
have conspired to produce speculative
disorders and failures, with scarcity of
money in the principal cities The peo-
pie at large are holding an unusual pro-
portion of the currency, and this is the
cause of the stringency in the trade
centres. This condition of affairs
can only be corrected by time,
and our Western contemporary gives
good advice when it says; Owe shall
simply have to wait until the
course of trade shall restore the normal
status. We can gain nothing by Tuning
and fretting, but must remain cool and
steady, and let patience have her perfect
work. We must put on the brakes and
hold things even until matters rectify
themselves by the force of the natural
laws of supply and demand"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

Commenting on the recent conversion
of Acklen, ex NJ. G. from Louisiana, to
Republicanism, the New York Sun says:
young Mr.. Acklen, of Louisiana,
first came to Congress as a Democrat,
but after a brief career he was remanded
to private life by a sensible constituency
under a cloud of scandals. He hopes to
make amends for his failure in the party
which turned him out of Office by going
all lengths in the service of the other,
which proposes to put him back"
Whenever a close investigation is
made into the careers of any ''Independ-
ents," it is certain to be found out that
they are tarred with the same stick as is
young Mr.. AckleD. They may not, like
him, have been ignored by the Demo
cratic party because of scandals con-
nected with their names, but it will
always be found that they have, from
some cause or other, despaired of Oh
tanning coveted position within Demo.
cratic ranks, and so are induced to try
a new tack In other words, they are
satisfied to be Democrats so long as there
is hope of its paying. When all hope of
this is abandoned, then they become In
dependents.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

Representative Robertson, of Louisi
ana has introduced bill in the House
providing for the establishment on the
Mississippi river of life saving and life
boat stations between st. Paul and New
Orleans. The number to be established
is not fixed, except that it shall not ex'
coed 200.
The bill provides that the Secretary of
the Treasury may appoint beacon light
keepers as the keepers of the life saving
and life boat stations, whose compensa-
ton shall be at the rate of $500 per an
mum in addition to the pay already re-
ceived by them. That these keepers
shall have authority and be required to
take charge of and protect all property
saved from destruction of vessels, steam
boats and other water craft at which
they may be present until it is claimed
by persons legally authorized to receive
it, or until otherwise instructed to dis
pose of it by the Secretary Of the Treas
urY. Keepers of beacon lights who are
keepers of life saving and life boat sta
tons are required to reside continuously
at the immediate vicinity of their re-
spective stations.
The Secretary of the Treasury is also
authorized to employ volunteer crews at
such stations as may be in the imme-
date vicinity of towns. villages or set
Elements, where such volunteer crews
can be secured.
As far as practicable and applicable to
the Mississippi river, the laws and regu-
lations of the Ocean Life Saving Service
are applied to the regulation of these sta
tiOns
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

The New York correspondent of the
Philadelphia Ledger writes that paper
that ex Senator Conkling is in New York,
but wishes it to be distinctly understood
that his business at this time is ''strictly
professional, and that public affairs ia
no sense have anything to do with it.
s'It is a curious fact, nevertheless, says
the correspondent, that gentlemen who
are known to maintain intimate relations
with the President have come on TO see
hin, presumably with reference to his
nomination to the Supreme Court. 1t
would appear that Mr.. Conkling is not
so absolutely certain of his confirmation
as his friends are, and until his doubts
on that point are removed tits not proba-
bic he will say whether he will accept or
decline. The project Of apublic meeting
OF half breeds to demonstrate against his
confirmation is not yet abandoned. Poll
ticians of that class are going about down
town among the merchants and bankers,
soliciting signatures for the call. but it is
doubtful whether they are receiving
much encouragement"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02
Distinct U. 5. Courts in Georgia

On the 18th day of December last a
bill to establish distinct Z. s. Courts in
Georgia, with distinct officers, in tbs
Northern and Southern judicial districts
Of the State, and to define their jurisdic-
ton and Covers, was introduced in the
United States House of Representatives,
read twice and ordered to be printed.
On the same day Mr.. Blount introduced
bill to amend the act provid ing for Cir
cult and District Courts at Macon, ap-
proved January goth, 1880. as follows:
"The Clerk of the District and Circuit
Courts Of the Southern District of
Georgia, and Marshal and District
Attorney for said district, shall perform
the duties appertaining to their offices
respectively for said courts, and said
Clerk and Marshal shall appoint depu-
ties, who shall reside and keep their
offices at Macon, Georgia. Said depu-
ties shall keep in their offices such re-
cords as appertain to their offices, and
said Deputy Clerk shall keep in his
office full records of all actions, proceed
ings and judgments in SAID courts.
On the 14th of February Mr.. George
D. Robinson, of Massachusetts, from
the Committee on the Judiciary, re-
ported the following bill as substitute
for the above:
"Be it enacted by the Senate and House
of Representatives Of the United States
of America in Congress assembled, That
in the Southern District of Georgia the
Circuit ard District Judges shall ap-
point two clerks, each Of whom shall be
Clerk of the Circuit and District Courts
for said Southern District of Georgia.
One of said clerks shall reside and keep
his office at Savannah, and the other
shall reside and keep his office at Macon.
In case of a disagreement between said
Judges, the appointment of said clerks
shall be made by the Associate Justice
of the Supreme Court allotted to the
Circuit which includes said district.
We have already alluded to this sub
ject in a previous article, and now pub
lish the above bill and substitute, not
only to correct mistaken apprehensions
which have arisen as to the legislation
contemplated by this bill, but also be-
cause the subject under consideration is
of much interest to a large number of
our readers.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

The Virginia Readjusters having re-
modelled the Supreme Court of Appeals
of the State in time to enable that, here
tOfore distinguished, bench to make the
Riddleberger debt repudiating bill effect
i've, are now devoting their attention to
the destruction of the institutions of
learning in the State. They have already
reorganized the State Agricultural Col
lege by turning out the President and
faculty and filling their places with Re
adiusters, and a bill has passed both
Houses vacating the Board of Wis
itors Of the Virginia Military In
stituse. This means that General
Francis II. Smith, who for the past thirty
wears has been Superintendent OF that in
stitution-and who has made itamilitary
school second only to West Point in the
United States-and his tried corps Of in
sfructors are to be bounced. The Uni
versitv of Virginia will be the next insti
tuition raided. AL this means that thou
sands Of persons from other States who
have patronized those institutions will
hereafter abandon them. and doubtless
thousands Of Virginia youth viii also seek
fheir education elsewhere, rather than
receive it under the auspices of Read
iusterism. Mahoneism viii kill itself,
hut unless II is checked in its course il
viii prove a scourge second only to the
war to Virginia.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

The week began in Wall street with q
fresh sensation. 1t is the clears" that
have been caught in panic this time,
and, if report speak true, Mr.. William
II. Vanderbilt intends to punish them
severely for raiding his Lake Shore and
other things. 1t is SO long since the
"bulls" have had the upper hand that it
would be ungenerous to grudge them the
advantage which they seem to have at
last obtained.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

We learn that the item which we pub
1ished yesterday regarding the course of
the KniekerbOcker Life Insurance Com
pany of New York towards Its policy
holders is exciting much comment in
this community, where there are q
good many policies held. The Knick-
erbOcker has, we hear, sent a special
agent to this city TO request policy hold
ers to surrender a large proportion OF
their just claims, but we believe the re-
quest has in nearly all cases been re.
fused.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

A London special dated February 9th
says that a number Of arrests have been
made within the past few hours in the
south Of Ireland, and it is reported that
they were made in consequence of in
formation received by the government
respecting a serious and rapidly extend
ing Fenian conspiracy. 1t is supposed
to be really formidable, but so far as can
be asceriained, all the information con.
corning it was transmitted to the gov
eminent by the agency of Captain
Moonlight" the fictitious name of a
common infOrmer.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

Considerable uncertainty is reported
at Washington as to what the
Ways and Means Committee will prOba-
bIv do in regard to reduction of the in
ternal revenue. Even those members Of
the committee who favored a large re-
duetion were not agreed as to details 1t
is predicted that any attempt to put
through the House a bill proposing a
large reduction of whisky and tobacco
taxes would meet with lively and
formidable opposition. and that the peo-
pie. and particularly those of the West,
are not prepared to regard with compla-
cency a reduction of these taxes, so long
as the high duties on such articles as
sugar, salt and a number of other items
of the tariff were left untouched.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-03-02

Louisiana has, after several years tria
Of New Orleans as her capital, decided
to 90 back to the old Gnte-6ellU7l seat Of
government, and the Legislature OF thai
State yesterday packed up and moved
bag and baggage into Baton Rouge.