The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-02-10
WANTED AN ICEBERG.
A Disconsolate widower Who Desired An
Appropriate Monument for His Wife.
San Francisco Post.

Ine morning before the lll-iatcd Jeannette
with Captain De Long, set sail for the frozen
north-the bourne from which so few trav-
elers return-the officer of the deck noticed
a peculier tapping sound on the ships stern,
anG, on looking, over the side, perceived a
Whitehall boat, in which sat solemn
locking man dressed in black, and with
Grape band around his hat. This sepul-
chral looking party kept up an impatient
rapping on the rudder post with his knuckles.
"What the blazes do you want? Why
don't you come up the side?" inquired the
officer.
"Because / wish to find out If this is the
right ship" replied the man In black. SIS
Captain De Long at home?"
"That's my name," said that amiable COM
mander, sticking his half shaved head cut Of
the port-hole Of the captains cabin, razor in
hand. "What can do for your"
captain" said the stranger, sinking his
voice into a confidential whisper, ''you are
going up among the icebergs, amt you?"
"Why, yes. Why?"
"What do you think it would cost to tow
good, big, tall one back here on your re-
turn trip What could you afford to do it
for? Best terms, mind!"
"Well, that's COOL" said the captain much
astonished.
"Of course it is-that's just the point"
said the solemn party, earnestly. SYou
see, the fact is, that lost my wife about
two weeks ago."
"Sorry for you," returned the explorer.
"You wouldn't say that if you were a
friend of mine," earnestly interrupted the
man in the boat. "Martha was about the
most cantankerous, bad-tempered, scandal
loving old vixen ever saw"
"Then congratulate you"
"That's more like it," continued the wild
over; "'tls, indeed. Beside all that, the
late Mrs. P.-my names Plif-was decided.
ly fond Of tea with stick in it. you under
stand? Used to make 1t just lovely for me,
when she sprung aleak, and don't you for
get it."
began the searcher for the North Pole.
81 was just going to explain" put in Mr..
Pliff. "You see, Martha was a good bit of q
spiritualist, and when she died she said 9
good deal about being my guardian angel in
the better world, and all that sort of stuff
She said she'd keep her spirit eve on me, and
if she caught me shining round nights ol
gallivanting with the girls she'd haunt me
make it blamed hot, I think that's what she
said"
"Well, sir, but"
"Just one minute. 1t occurred to me al
first that I'd erect forty foot marble monu-
ment over Martha's grave, as she'd left me q
good lot of bonds and things. Something
that would not only be gratifying to her
feelings, but would weigh at least sixty tons
and be calculated to help keep the old girl
down. Twas going to give the order yester
day, when got to thinking of some Mrs
P.'s little traits, aud 1t occurred to me that
il the old lady got her dessert she must have
pretty hot time Of it down there. came
across notice of your expedition, and the
idea struck me like pile driver that an ice
berg was just the thing for her monument
after all. Now, marble is all very pretty snt
cool to look at, but it seems to me that .
good, tall iceberg-one that would take 8
long time to melt-would keep oozing ice
water, as it were, around the remains in 4
manner calculated to keep most any depart
ed spirit kinder cool and contented like, nc
matter what they had done. How does II
strike you ?"
"Well, I'm blowed," said the Arctic navi
gator.
"And So" concluded the yearner of men
tai peace, ~ concluded to come right ou
here and see ifI couldn't arrange bargain
with you; all you'd have to do would be t.
hook on to some good, solid, reliable bers
and tow it right along back with you. iii
don't cost over $4,000 wish you'd take tn,
order. What say, eh ?'
And 1t was only after the captain had for
mally agreed to accept the contract that th'
bereaved husband concluded to fire trad,
dollar through the port-hole to bind the bar
gain, and then paddle serenely ashore.
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