The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-01-11
FLOATING FANOIEs.

Never known to get tired-outstanding
debts.
Not suitable for a clothes-line-A cord of
wood
Bound to make a man cross-Getting to the
other side Of the street.
There is one town in Connecticut that has
no fear of the measles. It's Haddam.
Landluhbers ''douhle the horn oftener
than sailors do, and yet the latter come up
groggy.
He is a true artist and a close student who
can draw the line between faull-fnding and
criticism.
Lacking contirmation-The report that the
remaining banks Of Newark will import
Egyptian mummies for directors.
The Flathead Indians are praised because
they saw wood for their wives. But they did
not get their name for any such purpose.
Amelia Cooking at the LAGOON group
'Ab, yes, fremen. | see. But how did
they become 50 intricately entangled in the
hose ?"
"Were you ever in an engagement 2" asked
an innocent rustic of a militiaman. Eyes,
ona," replied the son of Mars, ''but she went
back on me-"
Its a mean boy who, knowing that his sis
ter's young man is still in the parlor, will
slip Down stairs near midnight and gaily ring
the breakfast bell.
"What is the greatest charge on record? p
asked the professor of history. And the ab-
sent-minded student answered 'sSeveuteen
dollars for hack hire for self and girl for two
hours
Thirteen female physicians are practicing
in Clayton. Ia, and at a recent fire there
were not we'll men enough in the town to run
the engine out. 1t is one grand incorporated
hospital.
Considerable surprise and excitement were
created in Wall street the other day by a
prominent operator appearing on the steps Of
the Treasury building with his hands in his
own pockets.
Mr.. G. Delaney is the author of an article
to prove that women are in every way infer
ior to men. 1t is hardly necessary to state
that Mir. Delaney did not touch on the SUBJ
ject of doing up back hair.
stage and the people were actors, didn't have
it correct. 1t should nave been that all the
worlds a printing office and every fellow
takes q hand at playing the devil.
A flirting belle at Akron, O., has caused
a social excitement by having all the love let
tiers she has received bound handsomely in a
morocco volume for her parlor table, in place
Of an ordinary autograph album.
Brides appear to be very weak this year.
We have read at least 4 0O0 times that 1.-THE
bride entered leaning on" somebody's arm.
TIE bridegroom who ~iatters himself that this
is going TO last, however. will find himself
SOLO.
Wanted-A modern young lady's forehead.
The editor not having seen one for several
years is willing to pay a fair price for a
glimpse at the genuine old article. No
banged or otherwise mutilated specimens
wanted.
Nautical Said a sailor to his sweetheart .
81 know that ladies care little about nautical
matters, but if you had your choice Of q ship
what kind Of one would you prefer 2" She
cast down her eyes, blushed and whispered:
IA little smack"
mo man was ever elected President who
was born il the city," And yet despite this
fact, boys continue to be born in the cities.
They evidently don't aspire to the Presi-
dency. They prefer to become members of
base ball clubs, or some s'hall."
The love of other days-your wife.-Er.
All, yes, and the love Of the days that are
now and the days that are to come; the
sweetest. the best the love that holds our
whole social fabric together and makes the
world a tolerable country to live in.
No consolation: 81 have heard, I said q
friend to Nose Schnmburg, that the fellow
who sole your money and ran off with it
has been killed in Colorado. He has GER