The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-06-07
COMIC COMMENTS.


the sermon, q stranger having preached.
"Wnd haze the presumption y was her
simple and contented answer. ~
Had met before: The fashion of CIV
ing balls at public places has its advantages,
bnt it ought to make one careful. At the
Kensington yestry Hall, lately, . young dandy
cacosted gentleman who was standing
near the doorway, 81 think have met you
before several times-a.n Probably, sir, !"
he replied I'm Gunter's head WAITER
London Truth.
The Fabian policy: A bear, wishing to
rob beehive, laid himself down in front
of it and overturned it with his paw.
"Now," said he, 81 will lie perfectly still
and let the bees sting me until they are ex-
hausted and powerless their honey. may
then be obtained without opposition" And
it was obtained, but by fresh bear, the 9TH
er being dead. Detroit Free Press
"A vici RS compliment: A young curate
having preached before his vicar for the
first time, asked that worthy at the close of
the service which passage of his sermon he
thought the best, to which the vicar made
reply: "Your passage from the vestry to
the pulpit was very fine; but commend me
to that from the pulpit to the yestry for
downright heart relieving effect. n-C hris-
hdp Adg0cGte
"A metaphorical Touchdown: Jesse
Frisby thinks he is very smart and is much
given to asking silly questions. Clarence A.
Marshall was standing on the sidewalk on
Austin avenue, when Frisby came up and
asked: "What are you thinking about
when you don't think about anything |"
'Then am thinking what answer to give
a man who has asked me no question. -
Texas SJ5ings.
| Immigration incident: A clerk at
Castle Garden who had been reading the
debate ON the anti Chinese bill and just fin
geneity among the people of the Republic,
| glanced up at an Irish emigrant who was
leaning against the desk and soberly asked
pat are you homogeneous ?" Devil a
bit" said Pat; "I'm a Corkonian. Brook
lyn Eagle.
Equal to the emergency Mrs. Ponson-
by de Tomkyns: "That lady was evident.
ly intended by nature for Chinese, Sin
Charles. wonder who she can be n Sin
Charles: She happens to be my sister,
Lady Plantagenet de La Zouche. May I ask
why you think nature intended her for Q
Chinesea" Mrs. Ponsonby de Tomkyns
"She struck me as having such exquisitel,
small feet Pr London Punch.
Couldn't keep the run: A leading cit
izen Of Dallas, one of the most intelligen
property owners in the town, was reading
newspaper in the Teas Sifyings Office yes
terday, when he came across the paragraph
"The admission of Dakota is foregon,
conclusion at Washington" whereupon h
said I can't keep up with the run of tn
Washington scandals, there are SO many Q
them. What did Dakota admit ?'-- Tesd
Sjyinga
Literary research: A conversatio
arose between two newspaper men the othe
day in the presence of Mr.. John Stetson q
to the lines commencing 1.-THE mills of th
gods grind slow" 'sThey are Pope's,n sal
one. mo; Pope never wrote anythin
Of the sort,n maintained the other. II
tell you how to settle IT," said Stetson. g
know Pope well-he's In st. Louis, Tel,
graph him and ask him If he wrote It. +
pay the charge. - Dramatic Nsscs
Improvement of the mind: Elder
clergyman, who was passing g I'm yer
glad, cabman, to see You improving yor
! mind by reading your spare time Cabb,
with sporting paper" Improyin' m
mind! dunno. / backed this ERE 'oss a
through last season and he never landed II
once, and I've follered him up and now he
dropped me another dollar on the Gran
international 'Urdle I" (Gloomilyl "If "
call that imp London Punch.
Fashion item. "Serkys ~ said tn
elderly Miss DENIAL, after reading about tn
marvellous herb which Turkish ladies use t
retain youthful appearance. "Serkys
Well, 1 shouldn't wonder If it did good
Most any kind Of kiss makes q woman fee
young" Then, as her memory fashe
through a long vista of years, she added
That's the circus for me-" And the goot
soul had to wipe her spectacles before sh
passed on to the next paragraph. - Bostoi
Herald ~ AH
| Philosophy and fact -: Speaking Q
dreams, said Old Metaphysics, the othe
day, "did You ever notice that wheneve
you dream Of falling, falling, falling. 70
always wake up before you stop? Well,
You stopped before YOU woke up you'd wax
up in the next world" and that very sam
night he dreamed he fell from a fve-stor
window and struck the pavement, and b
woke up, not in the next world. but feelin
around on the oiloloth for the bed clothes. :
Netc Haves Register.
"A crocodile outdone crocodile stol
a baby once in the days when animals conf
talk aud was about to make dinner of il
The poor mother begged piteously for he
child. "Tell me one truth" said the crocc
die, "and you shall have your baby again.
The grief stricken mother thought for mt
ment and then said between her sobs: !"
shall buy a new bonnet next Spring,
"Take the baby" said the alligator, blul
bering himself as he spoke, am not q
enough for you. - Chicago Tribune.
ToDHuNTER, THE STOCK MAN.