Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-07-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

| some OF the manuscript offered to
printers is so bad that it ought first to
be sent to the house Of correction, with
its author. r.-Picdy,ne.
A LECTURER is telling "How we
hear" Il is easily told. Somebody
tells friend of ours, and tells HIM not
not to tell; that's the way we hear.
"WHo shall decide when doctors dis
agree z? 4" We don't know who should
but we know that the undertaken gen.
orally does.
We learn from an exchange that
Welsh mans oath is ''Y' mwllgug wggll."
This is too awfully awfully aw'ul, and
it looks like fishworm. DERRICK
IF you don't believe in the power of
insect life, watch the velvety little bum
bile bee, with the tropical polonaise, and
see him lift two hundred pound pic
mic man out of the grass.
TIME, midnight She" George,
are you going to exhibit in the dog
show?" He-"No; whv?" She
You are such remarkable fine set-
ter" Exit young man.
OswRGo coopers have gone right
along year after year making 100 bar
rels for S36. and it was only the other
day that they discovered that the ma
terials and labor were worth S3S 05.
IT is said that paper can be COM
pressed into substance so hard that
only diamonds can scratch it. That
will be the boss paper on which to print
election tickets. Ha,0keye.
THE New Orleans levees that are too
low are not the tax Ievies which are as
high as So 20 on the hundred dollars.
1t bothers some of the property owners
to keep their heads above water.
THE Dunkards held their National
Convention in Indiana this year. The
Dunkards r unlike the oyster; they are
much better men with only one r than
they would be with two.
A PRESS dispatch says that man hit
his wife on the head "with hatchet
under the influence of liquor" If
George Washington had Thought to
make this excuse history would have
lost touching anecdote.
A DENVER paper processes to think it
marvellous that man whose brains were
knocked out is still living. If he were
out this way he would not only be liv-
ing. but he would be holding some i'm
portant office.
SOME day when you say that you
have seen the time when potatoes were
SO barrel the youngsters at your
knee will wonder what the old man
wants to tell such yarns for. This is
the way history is doubted.
THE difference between snobs, ac-
cording to New York paper, is that
in America the snob looks down on 9TH
ers, while in England he looks up to
others and tries whimperingly to climb
up where they are.
LITTLE girl of eight: "I heard them
say that after the divorce ma would
marry NJ. Ernst. that gentleman who
always gives us candy" Little boy of
ten, with the gloomy cynicism of his
greater age: "And he won't give us any
candy then. lie ChdriDari.
WHENEVER the editor of the C;ncin-
natl Enquirer feels like investing in
mining stock he walks himself down to
the press-room and lets one of the bows
feed him through and fold him mp and
deliver the remains to his sorrowing
family in coffee-sack.
A SOFT hammer turneth away noise.
Old lady-"Oh, arpenter-yet-while
you were at dinner I-ah TIED some
rags round the head of your hammer, as
found the noise of it this morning dis
disturbed me very much. You will find
it much pleasanter now. London
Fun.
IT is stated that railroad brakeman
has become an operatic tenor, and has
been engaged for next season at $500
week. He won't have to learn the Ttal-
ian language, you see. He has merely
got to speak his lines as he does the
i names of stations and everybody will
think he is speaking Italiau.-BostOn
Post.
As SOME lady visitors were going
through penitentiary under the escort
of superintendent, they came to a
room in which three women were sew
ing. "Dear me !" one of the visitors
whispered. "what vicious-looking crea-
lures Pray, what are they here for ?"
because they have no other home !;
this is my sitting-room, and they are
my wife and two daughters" blandly
answered the superintendent.
A LITTLE five-year-old boy was being
instructed in morals by his grandmoth-
er. The old lady told him that all such
terms as "by golly," "by iingo," "by
thunder" etc., were only little oaths,
and but little better than other profan-
tiles. In fact, she said, he could tell a
profane oath by the prefix ''by." All
such were oaths. "Well, then, grand
mother" said the little hopeful, 60 n %,
telegraph, which see in the papers,
swearing ?" mo" said the old lady,
''that's only lying. ."-Ron,e Sentinel.
INoUIRrNG, month ago, the price Of
a small plate of Strawberries which he
saw on buffet at a swell Paris restau-
rant, visitor was told "a franc. u
When the bill came the Strawberries
were charged ten francs. "They are a
franc a piece" explained the waiter.
The visitor rose to leave with a grim
face. "You have forgotten the waiter,
sir" said that fnnctionary "Fergot-
ten you Why, have left you straw.
berry equivalent to franc," and the
indignant victim rushed brusquely ont.
p.rrN-r ,,,aI;oina firm, xrrota 70 a