The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1882-11-16
SOME SIDE-SPLITTERS.
What the Funny Fellows are Saying in the News
papers.

! What the Funny Fellows are Saying in the News
papers.
| Birds of feather flock on new bonnets-M
| o. Pcayune.
1t ought to be cold day when summer gets
| left.-New Orleans PicGyne
| Fritz has named his dog Non Sequitur, be-
cause it does not follow.-4nOn.
Oh, it wasn't much of shower'-only
| little Democratic reign Burlington Hawkeye
/ There is a fight over quinine in the market,
and it is naturally bitter one-LoweU Courier.
Roses bloom in summer only, but noses bios
som the whole year round.-N T. Commercial
Advertiser.
The fashionable fan and the fashionable bon
net should hide each other. - NelU Orleans
Picayune.
When clock is accused of being behind time
there is something wrong on the face of it.
Troy Telegram.
"What are crowds?" The science of love
says the third party is large crowd.-Neg
Harea Register.
By the time a man has a skating-rink on the
top of his head he is too old to go skating
n. 0. Picdptne.
Professor in physics" What's Boyle's Law?"
Diligent Junior Never trump your partners
ace."-Haruard LampO0n.
The mob to the militiaman: "You will oblige
me by remaining perfectly quiet while Shoot
Louisville C0urier-,JOHTHal.
Among the items in a shoemaker's bill pre-
scented to q Kingston man was: Heels on wife,
% cents. '-KiRgst0a Freeman.
The posse is much more dangerous than the
panther. \ man was killed by posse in Ar
kansas the other day.-N o. Picawuse
"Need new hat?" he said "No, but will
tell you in confidence why bought it. want
folks to think I'm Democrat. Boston Post
The colored people ought to make the best
members of secret societies. 1t is so easy for
them to keep dark ."-Boston Commercial B,l-
letin.
Judge-"What l cannot understand is how
you could kill man with single blow"
Culprit-" Shall show you how ?"-Fiegende
Biatter
Charles, dear" she murmured, as she
strolled along, the other evening, and gazed up
at the bejeweled armament, (which is Venus
and which is AdOnis ?'-New York Ne,CS.
A family who have recently moved into .
suite of rooms received an elegantly-wOrked
motto last week, which read as follows:
"Heaven bless our tlat."-BoSton Courier.
An Iowa farmer bet a new hat that he could
cross the railroad track with his team before
the train came up. He lost by ten feet The
distance was measured by his heirS.-Detroit
Free Press.
eyes, sir" said the irate man, 81 got even
with that clergyman. l slurred him. Why, l
hired one hundred people to attend his church
and go to sleep before he had preached five
minutes. Boston Post
The verdict of the coroners jury at Tun-
bridge Wells, on the death of child, was:
1.-THE child was suffocated, but there is no evil
dence to show that the sufocation was before
or after death. "-lIedicaL and Surgical Reporter.
De shanghigh chicken minds me OBJ cerEain
men dat Use seed. He crows mighty loud an
brags around 'mong de hens an young chickens,
but when game rooster comes around he's got
business on de udder side Ob de fence.-ArEan-
Satg Irdrcler.
GLOW TO Treat Woman" is the title cf a
newspaper article. Headlines are often decep-
tive Some women like to be treated with con-
sderation, others with affection, and there arc
still others who like to be treated to ice-cream
Boston Herald.
"What did you think of my train of
thought?" asked a lecturer of supposed
friend II thought it lacked only one thing"
replied the supposed friend. "Ah!" responded
the delighted lecturer, what was that?" "a
sleeping car" was the answer.-DesrOit Free
Press.