The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-01-06
WHY WE LAUGH.
A distinguished engineer is about to oper-
ate on NIAGARA for n cataract.

Ate On Niagara IUT u caLaTact.
Wicked New York men want to be buried
in Greenwood, because il won't burn so
quickly as the dry Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
"There is no rest for the wigged," is what
the bald-headed man said when he chased
mis- false hair up the street in November
gale.--Boston Courier.
Human flesh is heir to 2,409 different dis
eases. Take your choice.-Detroit Free
Press. We'll take the gold-fever, if it's all
the same.-S. r. Bulletin.
care you feeling very il.?" asked the ply
sician; "let me see your tongue, please
" It's no use, DOCTOR" replied the patient !;
"no tongue can tell how bad feel"
'Slt down" said handsomely dressed and
vivacious young lady at fashionable water
ing place. "Sit down, it's about the only
thing You can do here without paying for it,"
In mercantile houses it is always deemed
best to be cautious in crossing the ats and
dotting the "l's," but in broken banks the
defaulting cashiers chief thought is to cross
the "c's."-The Score
See the Wasp. He has pretty yellow
stripes around his Body and Darning Needle
in his tail. If you Will Pat the Wasp upon
the Tail We will Give You a Nice Picture
Book.-Denrer Tribune Primer.
Aclothier has excited public curiosity by
having large apple painted on his sign.
When asked for an explanation he replied :
If it hadn't been for an apple, where would
the ready-made clothing stores be to-day ?"
1t has been suggested that Captain Eads
should secure control of the Keely motor. 1t
is claimed that this powerful machine could
consume jug of cold water and then climb
mountain with big loaded ship en- Its back.
A little boy in Belfast, Maine, attended
church last Sunday for the first time. On
returning home he was asked what was done
at the church, to which he replied: "First
they sang, then they prayed, and then they
passed around corn-popper."
A Florida alligator hunter has been miss
ing for four weeks, but as one of his boots
and several Of his coat-buttons were found
in the stomach of an alligator slain by an
other, the widow isn't much worried. She
thinks she can locate him.-Free Press.
One afternoon q stranger observing q
stream of people entering a church, ap-
preached Man of gloomy aspect who was
standing near the entrance and asked ais
this funeral?" "Funeral! no." was the
sepulchral response; "it's a wedding"
Excuse me-" added the stranger, "but l
thought from your serious LOOK that you
might be hired mourner." No." re-
turned the man, with weary, far-of look
in his eyes, /" I'm a son-in-law of the brides
mother."-Brooklyn Eagle.
A young attorney, day or two since, hav-
ing delivered himself of speech in the Su-
perior Court, asked the clerk If he could
smoke in the room. Yes," the reply. A
pipe was hauled out and the gentleman was
busily engaged in building smoke columns
in the air, when the judge laid S5 fine upon
him. 81 thought you said could smoke
here?" inquired he Indignantly of the clerk,
as soon as hs got his breath. "I did," was
the reply, as that busy officer proceeded with
his minutes " didn't you smoke ?"--Macon
(Ga.) Telegraph.
How much man is like old shoes.
For instance, both a soul may lose,
Both have been tanned, both are made tight
BY cobblers. Both get left and right,
Both need a mate to be complete,
And both are made to go on feet.
They both need heeling; oft are sold
nd both intine turn all to mould.
With shoes the last Is first; with men
The first shall be the last and when
The shoes wear out they're mended new,
And when men wear out they're men dead
too.
They both are trod upon and both
Will tread on others, nothing loath.
Both have their ties, and both incline,
When polished, in the world to shine,
And both peg out-and would you choose
To be IN an, or be his shoes?
II. II. Dodge, in The Judge