The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-08-12

warr' ! say, give the women-Ol"h CHANCE!
Susan b. AnHoHJ
A Vermont man has invented gun which VIII
send bullet through nine men standing one De-
hind the other. During battle men always
stand thus 10 let the enemy have fair pop.
Here lies d man whose earthly race is run;
He raised the hammer of a fowllng gun,
And blew into the muzzle just because
He wish'd to know If it was loaded-and 1t was.
--.Someyvils Journal
The khediye IN his harem sits,
And things go harum scarum;
The sultan gets lnsultan notes,
And has to SIT and barum.
baltimore american.
"We never tight under cover" says Farmer
Lamar. Evidently this sturdy agriculturlst has
never staid all night at a summer resort hotel.
Wisconsin women who 90 to the seashore ne.
YER 90 In bathing until after dark Then the
spectators can only tell by the tracks in the sand
who has been there.
AS Lew Wallace has not been summoned to
consult with the sultan for several days, 1t is
more than probable that Mrs Wallace has pos
session OF his night key.
THE MAIDS REPLY.
The wind was damp with coming wet,
When James and blue eyed Lizzie met;
He held a bingham DER his head,
And to the maiden thus he said;
80! lovely maid, my hearts a-fire
With loves unquenchabe desire"
The maid in accents sweet replied:
"Jim, hold the umbrella more my side;
My bran new bonnets getting wet
Pll marry yer yer never fret"
When the man averred that he had seen trot-
.t,ht k,, tI,'t .,taIt Vtrn M "A
he said "A lemon Weighed" they threw him I'M
under grip car.-Chicdgo Times.
Cincinnati boy who stole pigeons 10 sell
went to The workhouse TO work out his fine rath-
or than let his sister pay it. 1t Is due to Ohio
however, to say tina, the boy was born in another
state.
WHY JENNY AND THE cows WERE LATE.
Crimson sunset burning
O'er the treefringed hills;
Golden are she meadows,
Ruby flashed the rills
quiet In the farm house
Home the farmer HES;
But his wife Ia watching,
Shading anxious eyes,
While sne fingers with the pail beside the BARN
yard gate,
Wondering why her Jenny and the cows come
home so late
LOVING sounds are falling
IlOmcwsrd now at last
SpeCklc, Besi and Brnde
Through the gate have passed
Jennie, sweetly blushing,
Jamie grave and shy
Take the pals from mother,
WnD stand, silent by.
Not one word is spoken as the mother shuts the
gate,
But now she knows why Jenny and the cows
come home so late!
-LaktSiiD Musings IN Chicag0 tribune.
A Jerscyman went to Mauch Chunk Pa, TO
spend his vacation, and during his first night
three Old hens, which had gone to roost on Il
tree outside his bedroom window, were dis
turbed by cat, and flew into the apartment
The Jcrscyman awakened aud siashed a pillow
around until the bewildered fowls found their
way out The next morning he told his host
that he should come there every summer, for
during the whole night he had seen but three
mosquitoes h,lHtIclph,a Ne,ns.
The Congressional! Globe, that gives the speeches
OF congressman officially, as revised by them
selves, puts the following astounding bit OF met
aphoric pyrOtecAnics In the mouth of Senator
John A. Logan: Il want to call the attention Of
the senate 10 one point especially the Naval
Committee, for ihey are like friction match :;
you cannot touch their rudder tut what they set
their sails. 1t IS sensitivcncss on their part ;
they are very sensitive"
on THE BEACH.
"Cliug TO me love, heard him say
As carefully they picked their way
Across the COney sands.
80, George she murmured, ARE you sure
That we are perfectly secure
Between two rival bands
Hear the wild blare Of Gilmore's crowd!
Why, ArbucKle's not bali SO loud,
And yet he dns my ear
Now, George, this may be music still
! much prefer 20 hear the shrl,
Long crow OF chanticleer"
And then she smiled an angles grin
On the lank store clerk, taken in
By beauty's artful scheme.
She tapped him on his portmonnsie,
And thirteen tunes that summer.day
She struck him for ice cream
-Errtaic Enrique in american Queen.