The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-12-02
WIT AND HUM0R,


than you can clutch hornet
A statistician has estimated that court
ships average three tons Of coal each.
To get up dinner of great variety,
cooks should be allowed a wide range.
Men who have money to loan take
the greatest possible interest in their
business,
A gentleman had his picture taken
recently; cost him 300, and still he is
not happy. A fellow took it out Of the
hall when the latch was up.
Hold the forte for am comiugw
said the muscular man, as his pals stag
gered on the stairway uuder the weight
Of the piano
The reason that aesthetics so admire
the stork is that he can stand for hours
on one leg and look as though he didn't
know anything and didn't want to.
It is an undeuiable fact that nearly all
centenarians are poor and have been
poor all their lives II you wish to live
to good old age, young men, never
advertise,
This is the difference between the
much talked Of speculation in caoutch-
QUO and game of whist One is a cor
ner in rubber, and the other i. q rubber
in corner.
Convicts at Dartmoor Prison, in Eng
land, make skeleton KEYS out OF the
bones oftheir meat, Nothing could be
more appropriate. Their escape by this
means reminds US Of one of those skele.
ton leaves,
Beauties Of the United States" Ian.
guage: A gentleman was growing
about having to pay bill twice, "Why
did you pay it3" asked his companion.
PAY it? | didn't, 1t was jayhubbled
out of me-"
A lunatic in charge Of his keeper,
while stepping aboard train the other
day, stepped on banana peel and slid
under the car. "Ah" exclaimed the
keeper, II am like a disabled locomo.
tive, for I've slipped my eccentric"
Recently the citizens of Fair PLAY,
Col, decided that they ought to do
something to observe the Sabbath. So
hereafter they will not shoot on Sunday
except in self.defense, or when a strang-
er impudently refuses to drink.
What is the difference between
crowded house when procession is
passing and the occupants of dentists
waiting-roomp In the first instance
there is face in every pane; in the lat
ter, pain in every face,
So you were slave before the war;"
he said to the old darkey. Yes, massa"
Had a hard time in life, ehP" specs
has, nasal Ever soldP" "Golly,
yes, massa. Some Teller put half dol.
lar on de sidewalk, only dis mswuin',
sah was sold by dat"
There, never mind" said the den.
fist; soothingly, as he twisted the tooth
around once or twice to loosen it up,
"never mind, it won't hurt" NO"
gasped the victim. II know it won't,
but it does just now, and that what in.
tereSts me-"
II Is related that the first man was
tempted by the first woman; but there
has been no occasion for such tempta.
ton since. Man, brought to knowledge,
has been entirely able and willing to
keep up with the procession where sin
is going on.
The editor Of a Michigan paper at
tempted to state that a certain newly
married couple had gone to Niagara
Falls, where they would spend their
honeymoon, but the types made him say
that they "would spend their money
SOON" He wasn't very far out OF the
way, we suspect
1t is a good story which is told Of an
old New England divine who found him
self one day in pulpit where the
hymn-books we're well worn. He read
part of a hymn, aud, seeing that the
page was torn, paused and said, slowly,
mo; let us begin and sing, to the prais,
and glory of God, hymn five hundred
and twenty-six," But, discovering thai,
the end of that was gone also, he stop
ped abruptly, and said, slowly, Sing
TO the same glory any whole hymn that
you find in tho book" and sat down.