The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1882-06-26
The Dodo.
The Wonderful Animal and It's Strange
Peculiarities.

Professor, what is dodo?"
fsThere are several species of the dodo, my
son, and there used to be several more before
the fool-kiler cut the country up into regular
districts.
please describe some of them to me?"
with ralaas11ra- You have prohahlu attand.
ed Sunday school picnic given on the banks
of river or lake? Six fat women, two girls who
wear eyeglasses, and very good boy who lisp'
make up party to take a ride on the water.
AS they are ready to shove off, the Dodo ap
pears and keeps them company
"What is he like, and what does he do?s
HE is generally a soft-headed young mar
under "a years of age, and he stands up and
rocks the boat to hear the fat women scream
and induce the girls to call him Gweorge."
docs the boat upset2"
at does"
"And is everybody drowned"
Everybody except the Dodo. he always
reaches the shore in safety, and he always il
SO sorry that it happened. He is sometimes 81
affected that it takes away his appetite fol
lunch"
"And is anything done with him?"
s.They sometimes rub his head with cheal
brand of peppermint essence and turn him GU
to grass, but no one ever thinks of doing him
harm
"And the next species?"
"The next species is a youth from 16 to 20.
He labors under what the ancents termed the
swell head. He gets out the family shot CUR
or revolver to show off. BE points it at SOME
boy or girl to see 'em SILVER, and after he ha:
testified before the coroner that he didn't know
it was loaded the affair is looked upon as end
ed"
SIS this species on the increase?
"Well, no. The friends of the victims have
got to making such fuss over these trifieE
they-didn' OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. Dodo ISM
quite holding his own"
"What is the third species?'
"The third species belong to the female sex
OF course there are two sexes Of the Dodo. She
buys arsenic to kill rats or corrosive subllmate
to discourage bedbugs, or paris green to give
cockroaches hint to skip, and she leaves the
package on the pantry shelf alongside OF her
baking powder. She may keep them separate
for two or three days, but it isn't over week
before the family begins to lose their appetite
and hire cheap boy to go for a doctor and q
stomach pump"
"And is she sorry?"
never thought of killing the family; always liv-
ed happy with her husband; had entirely for
gotten that he had any life insurance; was in a
hurry and didn't stop tolook."
"And is there yet another species OF Dodo?''
"Seyeral others, but we haven't time to take
'em in detail and give full particulars in each
case. The man who thinks the best horse wins
is Dodo. The woman who gets into society
on the strength of her false hair, small waist,
painted eyebrows, chalked cheeks and cramp-
ed feet is Dodo. The man who thinks he can
take comfort on steamboat excursion; the
man who goes on fishing excursion the wom-
an who weeps over the heather; the girl who
writes poetry on sunsets; the young man look
ing for necktie to become him; the old man
who marries young wife; why, itwould take
me an hour to mention them all. Put away
your books in careful manner and we will
walk out and see some live specimens of the
Dodo. L know one whowas engaged to deliver
4th of July grafton, and perhaps we may get
shot at him."