News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-07-13
SOCIETIES On THE BRAIN.
The Man Who Had Enough Initials
After His Name to Stock a Rail
road,

| Oue III DurlluSGOu, WHERE i've,
said the HaaOkeye man, "there was
woman, a neighbor of mine, whose hus-
band belonged to more lodges, and So
cieties, and fraternities, and leagues,
and orders, and unions, and clubs, and
rites, and teams and things than two
of them could count in week. Why,
this man used to take some of his meals
at home but he went to bed in regalia.
And from force of habit he used to call
his wife 'Worshipful Mistress and he
addressed his children as Junior Ward
ems and Chief Tough Moguls' and
Most Worthy Bashi Bazouks,' and
other wicked and pagan titles. The
man s:children grew to regard the entire
system OF secret societies of the United
states as their father. They had a
vague idea that they were in some close
degree blood relations of Solomon. and
they told their Sunday-school teacher
thae their grandfather worked on the
tower OF Babel, and they always spoke
OF hiram Abiff as Uncle Hiram And
THIS man used to go down and pound
the boiler and hold one corner of the
OlanKet and grease the pole and heat
the pitch nights when there was can
e'loate TO be assassinated and he wa
tereo himself into dropsy of Good
lem plaf meetings, and fermented him
self into beer vat at Druid picnies and
ate himself into a chronic indigestion at
Odd Fellows suppers, and sat up nights
with SICK Grand Army comrades, and
visited Masonic widows and comforted
Knights of Pythias orphans-female,
sixteen years and upward-and danced
himself into paralysis and got his eyes
BACKED at all sorts of balls, and had
good busy time of it, and was considered
a capital fellow because he had to write
5. o. G. F. W., and B. B. o. E., and
E. o. D., after his name every time he
wrote letter or registered at hotel.
" Well, one day there were severa
things going on all at once in our town.
There was a grand convocation of
Knights Templar and public installa- |
ton of Hope Lodge No. S,277, I. o. O.
F., and Druid picnic and Hibernian
benevolent society ball, and fraternity |
symposium, and Grand Army parade |
and campfire, and a special M. W. of |
the s. K. of A. o. y. W. Legion 3O6. |
and two or three bazaars, and masked |
parade of the T. D. Ms, and fire.
tournament and fight, and choral
union and rehearsal and chloe meet |
ing and squabble, and base ball match
and regatta, and a croquet quarrel.
and In the effort to attend all of them
in full regalia the man overdid himself.
came home all tired out, told his wife he
didn't believe he felt very well, and
went straight to bed.
I" His family never saw the man again
for six weeks. And the days were made
busy and the nights were made noisy
by all manner of committees wearing
all manner of badges coming to inquire
after the sick man, and to sit ND with
him and bringing him all manner of
comforting things-gruel and jellies,
md water ices and terrapin soup, and
and ice cream, ard cake and pie
Ind watermelon, and tracts and fiat ,
tasks, and ne stories, and sandwiches ,
md egg nog, and cigars and conundrums.
nd Jokes on the boys, and all sorts of r
loctors and hom@pathists, allopaths. 7
Vater cures, Swedish movement cures. I
new school, old school, regu- ,
airs, guerrillas, Iniun doctors, knead- ,
RS. slappers and healers.
And the man got well He had Z
o" the fat man added, noticing the i
Expression of incredulity that settled 6
pom the countenances of the passen- I
ers There were too many of him TO =
lie at once. While they were wrestling '
nth one of him the rest of him could r
ct the bulge on him, so he pulled i
trough. And when he was quite well =,
nd all there, they had grand union +
lcn1c for his benefit, to which all the q
ocieties to which he belonged were S
lvited. The family naturally reioiced d
this, and supposed they would get a
ont seats all the way, as they were G
osely connected with the circus. In. Ii
cad OF this, however, they were treated b
, a surprise. n
"The procession organized with the W
ian himself and three eminent brethren W
vastly superior degrees, IN the first
srrlages. Then came brass band.
hen came more carriages containing
nlnent brethren from visiting lodges, !,
yery man with enough initials after his ="
anne to stock a railroad; the o. &c. T.
. r. F. l.. Y; and the r. S. T. U. V. III
=, and the @. U. & @. A. l.. L. u, and "
lie L. o. NJ, and G. A. L., and the J. &c
F.. g., under the seat. Then came VI
hole procession of chaplains, lodge Il !,
laplains, on foot, swearing at the 81
list. And away off, two and half III
lies away from the band, came the :"
mily, in the middle of the street, hoof- Al
G it. Ell
" When they finally got out to the tn
chic grounds, the members of the LII
ans domestic household were again Ill
easantly surprised, being stopped at Pe
g gate by an outside sentinel, who LII
lbbed them off to the right. There 10
ey found an inside guard who III
omptly chased them off to the left. al
len they ran into boy seven years nj
!, with white hair and red necktie, 90
,rying clothes prop and bearing in Ig
n official person the enormous and Oh
bearing title of Royal and Trice WI
issant Knight of tho Mighty Arm tn
Potent Keeper of the Way And tie
zen they got away from all that alive to
~ were finally 'shooed away and
Vea on down the road and told to get tn
there and keep away or they'd oct nei
% trouble, by little old man with aw
" legs, hare lip, wart on his nose we
aia mead and green goggles, who the pie
rlghted and awe stricken intruders Ih
erward learned was his Most Good bra
IS Gracious Nibs, the Four or Five d
mes Renowned and Most Awfuuv tina
gnlhcent and Respondent FLYNN fro
Greek to the Muldoon. A secret ano
iety Is sweet boon, but a man has The
De kind of careful that it doesn't GROW bio
him." o." smt
dri,
Fashion i'm Cheese. mn
ashton changes in obooso ~, tive
lg else. 1t is not now seen on anv IL lt
q IN England save the puhlic ord; tori