The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1882-04-20
THAT FISHERY.
Why Bill Bates Didn't Marry
Sue Parker.

81 say, jim" said. Ned Dalton, as he
Roked up the campfire, "why didn't Bill
Bates and Sue Parker git married? When
L was at the Snake Greek pTOtracted
meeting last spring, it sOrter struck me
That they Wus gOin' TO run the same
brand"
Well" said Jim Walker, as he pill
lowed his head on saddle, that was
the general calkerlatiOn, but it all got
busted up on account of what happened
at the tish-fry the Jones folks give down
at their Spanish Camp on the San Ber-
nardO."
What, Bill didn't get on no hifalutin'
brazOo, like he's alters dOin', and stir up
a row." inquired Ned.
mo, 1T warn't that" replied Jim, "but
it might jist as we'll have been, cause
Bates predickerment wOuld've knocked
any cOurtin' match high'n a kite. You
see, all the gals of Damon's Mound and
up along Turkey Creek wer' at the fish
fry, and everybody wus havin'er hog
KILN time, but the day wus hot, and
while Bill Bates wus dancin' with Sue
Parker every set, so as to keep her
penned up from the rest of the boys, he
got to sweatin' wOrser'n nigger at
lection. Bill knew when he got over
heated, and so he asked two or three fell
lers who wus lOafin' round waitin' for
the grub to be sOt out, to go up the creek
a piece and have a swim. They Wus
willin', and when they got to the bend
in the creek a short distance from the
fiSh-fry, they commenced to shuck their
clothes. Bill he pulled off everything,
'cepting his shirt, and then sOt down on
a log to cool off. Thar wus a yaller
jackets nest in the log, and the bulge
of Bill Bates anatermy wus kivering
the hole to the nest, and while Bill sOt
thar them yaller jackets held a cOnVen-
shun or suthin' of the kind and made up
the'r minds that they wus going to raise
their blockade. L guess everybody
knows that you don't have to spit in a
yaller jackets eye to make him mad,
cause the insect is born mad and dies in
the same fix. While Bill was rOOsting
on the log, scratchin' and a cOolin' of
himself, the yaller jackets riz in their
wrath, and Bill he riz with 'em. They
lifted him like tOrpedOr, and when he
hit the ground he wus bleatin' lOuder'n
a bull calf, and a hundred yaller jackets
wus up under his shirt, spurrin' him in
the flanks, aud maxim him buck over
the ground like an unbrOke stud. He
clawed at his shirt and yelled to the
boys to come and help him knock the
darn things off, but the boys laid down
behind logs and told him they warn't no
d-n fools! Well, the yaller- jackets kept
pOppin' their spurs to him, fust on one
side then on t'Other, till Bill got sorter
crazy, and he skedaddled down the creek
headin' square for the fish-fry. Sue
Parker, with lot of other gals and a
parcel of galOOts, was down the road
picking blackberries, when they sud
denly herd the all-flredest yellin' and
snOrtin', and the next instant thar was
Bill Bates gallOpin' by 'em faster'n a
scared coyote, and tTyin' his level best
to drag the only remaininTgarment over
his head. The gals weakened on their
fuSt glimpse, and made break for the
bush, scTeamin' and askin' what it was,
kinder innocent like, and the fellers
who was gallantin' em turned sOrter
red in the face, and said they guessed
somebody's horse broke loose somewhere
| up the creek, and that they had better
go and help catch the anermul. In no
time the fish-fry was talkin' of Bill
Bates scandeTlOus actions, and Aunt
Dorothy Briggs said it was buTnin'
shame, and he OIghter be hung; but
| Widow Bullock said his daddy was tuck
down with the jandeTs fore Bill was
| born and went crazy, and she thought
| insanity was in Bills blood, cOnsideTin'
as how she had often noticed a kuriOus
look in his eye. The thing was talked
about all over the neighbOrhOOd, and
Bill writ Sue Parker eXplainin' how it
happened, but she said he was disgTaced
in the community, and she didn't want
nuthin' to do with him. Bill also heard
it talked around that her folks said
they'd put the dogs on him if he ever
come nigh the house again; and feelin'
bad over it, he jined Pete jennings herd
and went up the Kansas trade That's
how Bill and Sue Parker didn't marry"