News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-04-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

like to display his fnger.ing?-Mus!
cal People.
Soon will be heard the cry Of the sea-
side hotel keeper, TIA Henry V.-"once
more unto the beach, kind friends -
The Judge.
A Boston paper says that it never
knew a detective to have correct
theory of murder until after the cul-
prit was caught.
If Hendrix had mutilated the great
unfinished Washington monument, he
would not have been arrested because
Washington was not a aspy.-PUck.
If the commissioner OF agriculture
would only issue little treatise on the
art of grating new maple sugar on
peach trees he would save the reputation
OF many grocer for honesty.
CONSCIENTIOUS farmers are feeding old
hens on spring water 30 as to have a
point on which to stihe conscience when
they calmly swear the birds are spring
chickens. - Philadelphia Chronicle.
TENNYsoN's "Charge of the Heavy
Brigade" reads as if he wrote it while
galloping over a plowed field ahead of
bull who wanted to see him for min
ute or two; but most anything is poetry
nowadays.-FreeP Press.
The Boston papers mitigate the crime
OF q man who committed suicide there
last week, by saying that it was his first
ofense. Very likely he had not been
long in the locality, or he would have
made the attempt sooner.
Two MEN agree to build a wall to-
gether. One does four-fifths of the
bossing and the other three-tenths of
the work, and they finally conclude to
pay man s18 to finish the job. Find
the length and height of the wall.
A wEsr-END resident had quarrel
With plumber because he thought the
latter was trying to kill time, and ex-
claimed : "Confound you, get out Go
and loaf on the street, and I'll pay you
for your time. I'll be hanged if I pay
rent on house fer you to loaf in !"
This is stone Fence. 1t is built
Strong. A Man can get over this kind
of Stone Fence very easy. There are
some Stone Fences, however, that are
built much Stronger, and it sometimes
takes Man two or three Days to get
over one of them. - Yoakers Gazette.
"WHEN grow up, I'll be a man,
won't I?" asked a little boy of his
mother. eyes, my son but if you
want to be man you must be indus
trious at school and learn how to behave
yourself" "Why, mamma, do the lazy
boys turn out to be women2" "Most
of do. them my child"
We should have great deal more
domestic happiness if we would COM
NIT to memory the lines which the
honest sailor composed for his sweet
heart /:
I'll be content with Annie Bread,
! And won't have any but her
Is THERE genius in this country who
can outwit the English sparrow ? The
little nuisance will dodge bullet, re-
fuse poisoned food, stand twenty de-
grees below zero. and begin rebuilding
his nest within two minutes after it has
been torn down. Detroit Free Press.
WHAT ais that maid?" said Spilkins,
AS he met passing fair,
And saw her eyes, meath wave" and 'crimp,"
Which Der her forehead dangled limp,
Give forth a stony stare.
" Meti,inks, said Wilkins, scornfully,
As be tossed his head in air.
I" She has no brains to cudgel
And so she bangs her hair"
"No," SAID the prominent Kansas
citizen" "no, boys, won't accept the
Office of County Treasurer I'm COM
fortably fixed, like my home, and my
neighbors and my family I like. don't
want to have to skip out for Canada and
leave all this. Much obliged for the
chance, but [ can't accept"
In his lecture on ''The Humor of the
Negro Race" Hon. s. s. Cox tells the
following good one at his own expense:
"While in Georgia some time ago hap
pened to be passing along the street.
'Hullo, Sam,' said particularly black
colored man. 'Hullo,' promptly re-
piled: whereupon the African aforesaid
retorted 'Cuse me, sab, Use dressing
another cullud man."
YOUNG George d. having importuned
his father for a horse, the indulgent
parent presented him with the ancient
steed which for years had carried him
about the city streets. A few days af-
terward the affectionate son interviewed
his father and renewed his request, say
ing, "Father, can't you give me horse
a little nearer my own age-one that
would be more of a companion for
me ?"
TRANSLATED from French paper -
boy sits with a cloth-covered hand
cart at the foot of hill. A walking
goer comes along, at whose approach
the boy to weep begins. Man-"Young
one, why howlest thou, then ?" Boy
81 can with the cart not the hill mp
come" Man, good-humoredly
then, see herel pushes the cart until
the hill up.) So therel (Himself OF
the sweat drying.) Say once, what hast
thou, then, really, upon thy cart?'
Boy-"My big brother sleeps thereup-
on"
A PRIMARY teacher, not thousand
miles from the club, !" is describing the
banana, and the children are to name it.
Finally, she steps to the board and
draws an outline of the fruit. Up
comes Johnnie's hand. "Well, john
pie, what have described?" "Cucum-
ber I" "Oh, no; the cucumber grows
here, and I told you this fruit grows in
the South besides, is not the cucum-
Der vegetable ?" Johnnie yields the
point and re|apses into brown study.
Soon an idea strikes him and up goes
his hand again. "Are you sure You are
right this time, johnnie ?" ''Yes'm,"-
with self-assurance. "Well, what is
~" Sausage r. is the triumphant re-
ioinder.
BURpETTE writes from Nantucket
"Many of the old houses in the town are
all the way over, reminding
one of the houses SO common in st.
John. The shingler, when he shungle,
began at the Dashboard,
shongle right up the front of the housei
over the cornice, up to the ridge pole,
where he crswled over, went right along
sh;noI;no and phanpIa head first on