Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1882-08-12
SENSE md NONSENSE.

Many self-made man would have done
better BY himself had he let the contract
out to somebody else.
1t is always better to keep out of quar-
rel than 10 make it up ever so anicably al
ter you have gone into one.
A Dutch jc5se, on conviction of eul-
prit for having four wives, decided: He
hash punishment plenty; Ifs NIT one"
On the resolutions being put, heard
young Irishman tell his companion, with
genuine satisfaction, that they were ear
ried anonymously, begora."
my nephew is no; content with q gig
says Mrs. Rambotham, " but he gets two
horses, puts one before the other, and
drives about the country in a tantrum.'
'What is the national fishery question:"
pompously exclaimed an orator; and
squeaking voice in the audience responded:
1T is: Have you got Q bites'"
"Smith discovered, after marriage, that
his wife wrote. poetry; but he couldn't do
anything abou il then. He had taker her
for better or for verse.
Philadelphia mothers now tell their
youngsters that if they arc right good little
boys until the bi-centennial celebration this
fall they will take them down to the river
bank and let them play with the United
States navy
Mistress (horrifed) -" Good gracious,
Bridget, have You been using one Of M
stockings TO strain the coffee through '
Bridget lapologetically)-rYis, mum; but
shure didn't take clane one!p
Every one in this world has his or her
share of troubles and trials. Let us then
try rs much as we are able not to increase
the burden Of any by as much as the weight
of a straw.
81 wouldn't be in Egypt said Mrs. Nc
Gill last week, for all the wealth of Crea-
sote" Seeing a look cf astonishment on the
face of her auditors she added: "Creasote,
you know, was and old Roman god and
everything he touched turned into gold"
Don't imagine that husband can live as
4 lover does-on kisses and moonlight. He
will come home to bis meals as hungry as a
bear, and any i't.iel knowledge of cookery
you can pick up during the courtship is
about the best provision you can make for
future happiness.
Robinson vent up to his room the Other
afternoon, and NOTICED that there was only
one match remaining in the box "Now,
if that shouldn't burn to nightwhen | come
in, soliloquized he, what fix | shoul4
be in" So he tried to sec if it was good
one. 1t vas.
as NJ. Vanderbilt in?" asked agen,le-
man of a person who was lounging at the
entrance of the officers apartments at the
Grand Central Depot, New York. The lat
ter regarded his interrogation with look Of
mingled pity and contempt as he answered.
"In? Well, should say 50. Lake Shore
stock was 9S three weeks ago and now it's
ll2. He's in about 100000 3 he's In q
cent"
In polite phrase; a gentleman admises a
charming woman over whose head the
swarms Of seventeen-year locusts have pass
ed at least thrice. But. say" says one
Of his friends, she's very charming,
know; still, you must admit that she is
wrinkled." Wrinklcd" echoes the chiv-
alrous lover No sir! There may be the
indclible impression Of smile upon her
face here and there, but that is all ~
After trying his hand at many things II
various parts Of the country, james Harris
one day took il into his head to planta iew
orange trees at Ocala, Florida. He now
owns $1,000 of the trees and has an annual
income from them of $4,000.
Yesterday he met Brown in the street and
kindly held under his nose cigar he was
smoking. What do you think Of that
said he. Pretty good cigar for cent.
Isn't it? Maybe returned Brown, as he
held his nose; but it's dreadful scent fora
cigar