Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-07-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

we shall all be mended.
A SCANDAL monger Is not simply the
man who tells all he knows. but the
man who tells more than he knows.
4 wife domestic. good and pure,
Like snail should keep ithia her door;
But not like snail with silver track.
Place all her wealth upon her back.
WHEN friends applaud your sudden
wealth be on your gnard. Tue hungry
/ dog wags his tail because he thinks
you have something in the sack for him.
THAT homeIy babies make the best
! looking folks is an adage as old as time
itself but you dare not tell a mother
her baby is homely. .-Ne,o Hauen Reg
lister.
SHE was a woman of property while
! her sweetheart was a man with big
head. "Do you love me ?" said he.
murmured. Well" he replied, "one
deed will be sufficient if you put it all
in my name"
WHEN Tecumseh Sherman kissed q
whole row of grown-up girls at re-
ception at st. Louis, Mark Twain stood
off IN a corner during the blissful
episode and groaned: "Who wouldn't
march to the sea p
PERSONS with boys in the family
should know that boys have q platform,
and that they always stand on it. 1t
reads, "Scolding doesn't hurt, whipping
doesn't last long, kill they dar'sn't. -
Louisville COurier-Journdt.
"DoN'T you think l have good face
for the stage p asked young lady with
histrionic aspirations. :" don't know
about the stage" replied her gallant
companion, "but you have lovely
face for buss 7"
"SIR." cried an offended citizen, with
much dignity, in his favorite saloon last
night, "Sir / never forget that I'm
gentleman |" "Then you've got n
blamed sight better memory than Your
acquaintance" They fight.
WHEN you read of the shady groves
and sylvan dells aud hidden waterfalls
and cool forests don't get anxious. Let
dozen mosquitoes hop on to you and
you'll feel as if you were there.-De-
tr0U Free Press.
EVERY little drug store has a soda
water fount, which simply raises rue
tions with fellows bank account. For
he meets his girl at twilight, when he's
coming home from biz, and he has to
sweetly ask her if she'd like to hear it
fiZ.- Puck
THREE men and dog were in boat
on the st. Lawrence. The boat capsized,
and the dog. instead of saving the men,
sagaciously swan to shore and let them
drown. This is different from the
usual run of dog stories.
"OH, YES" said the tramp, as tear
glistened like gum drop upon his sun
stained face, 81 served during the
entire war;" After slowing away the
comfortable breakfast that was given
him, he finished the sentence: +" 1 was
a waiter in Canadian restaurant.
A YOUNG man in train was making
fun of ladys hat to an elderly gentle
man in the seat with him. Yes" said
his seat mate, "that's my wife, and I
told her if she wore that bonnet that
some fool would make fun of it." The
young man slid out.
OWING to the high price of beef the
people of Tavans, Fla, SAYS the Boston
Post, have taken to eating alligator
steaks, and pronounce them delicious.
As long as man has got to eat a thing
he'll pronounce it delicious, whether he
likes it or not, unless he gets it at
boarding house, and then he'll growl
anyway.
"WHEN you were last here, said the
magistrate to the prisoner, ''you prom
ised me that if released you you would
go right to work. Why haven's you
Kept your word ?" "Judge," returned
the victim. meekly, 81 didn't want to
be breeding any disturbance, and 1 was
afraid if | went to work that [ would
get OF strike. "-BrOokiUn Eagle.
SOMEBODY'S coming when the dew
drops fall" he hummed, softly, as he
prepared himself for an evening call
upon his sweetheart. A knock at the
door interrupted him; somebody had
come before the dewdrops fell. It was
his landlady, and she wanted money or
his room on the spot. The Joy of that
young heart was dead, the music of his
soul hushed, for he was busted.-Cin-
cinnoti Saturday Night.
A COMMERCIAL traveller, who is some
thing of wag, thus relates his expe-
rience He and his companion were the
sole occupants of the smoking car.
They tried to converse, but the road was
so rough they we're pitched from side to
side like ships passengers. AT last
they were able to understand. One said,
"Dan, the ola thing is running a little
smoother" To which Dan replied,
eyes, l guess she has got off the
track"
"MY wife," said Wigglesworth, alb
stractedly lifting a handful of primes
from the box, "is one of the most
economical women [ ever saw. When
ever [ smoke a cigar in the house she
makes me blow the smoke on her plants
to kill the bugs, and stands ready to
catch the ashes which she uses for tooth
powder, while the stub that is left she
soaks in water and treats the flower
pots to Turkish bath with it. That's
the kind of a woman you want to tie to,
young man. - ROckldnd Courier.
THE FOX AND THE GROW.
Perched on tree a crow. for a freak
Stilton carried in his beak.
Up comes Sir Reynard, sic, and sly.
Resolved his fiattery to try.
He f., II that. if he did but please,
lie very soon could have the cheese.
And so he did For when his chaf
Had rather gone beyond laugh.
And when he told the black one that he
Uf.,., L. Dat