Middletown transcript., 1882-02-17

sitting on the same end Of a sofa with
girl you like pretty well.-Lo,ceU Cit
izeR.
The man who has never run daily
paper cannot begin to imagine what a
heap of life he has failed to Cham
berlain, Daily Bulletin.
Dodge every man you meet in small
pox times especially if he has bunch
of bills in his hand and a determined
look in his eye.-Keokuk Gate City.
General Hawley says: The country
will not be safe until every American
is politician. All right, general sit
down. It's Burlington Halckeye
When town is able to support a
brass band, depend upon it that the
likelihood of that town being city is
almost assured. job I9otter, Boston
Times.
Seven dollars and a half was paid by
a Canada harness maker for kissing the
wife Of tin smith. 1t was altogether
too much. No poor man can stand
such extravagance.--Elmira Free Press.
The New York Commercial AdUer-
tiser says "Lying is hard work" 1t
may be; we never tried it. We never
did like hard work but many of our
contemporaries are differently consti-
t1Itnd Noo.,.;cfo,rY1 Hoy.oI1
Mr.. Oscar Wilde finds that the cigar
cites he gets in this country are not fit
to smoke. A great many people had
found that out before, and there are
also great many people who don't
seem to know it yet.-Phila. Times.
II feel poem in my heart tonight, \
says May A. Townsend. Now, May, a
little dry magnesia will cure that sort
of heartburn in five minutes. A poem
rattling round in the heart must be
disagreeable, very.-Ne,o Haren Reg
lister.
After a New Zealand savage marries,
he is not allowed to look at, speak to,
or live in the same camp with his wife's
mother. Singular that they call a race
savage who had the wisdom to establish
such custom as that. -,SomerrilIe
Journal
" Mr.. Brown, do you eat mush ?''
asked four year old fiend, of his sis
ter's beau. "Why, Johnnie ?" re-
sponded Mr.. Brown. "'Cos sister says
she wishes you wouldn't talk like you
had a mouthful of mush. = Sister
faints, and Brown. remembers that he
has an engagement in Australia a.-Keo-
kltk Gate City.
A society paper says no man should
think Of getting married without S.
600 cash on hand and an income of ST.
500 a year. Adam didn't have fifty
cents to his back, and yet he got mar
ried. Perhaps, however, we'd be better
off to-day if he had died an old bachelor.
We can't most always sometimes tell
NOrTistoTR Herald.
A temperance reformer, writing
about milk, remarks that it should not
be taken in copious draughts like beer.
This may be SO, but so long as you give
summer boarders the combination to
the COW pasture, and don't put any
paddock on the valise where the nectar
concentrates, they'll keep on doing it
Just the same.-Rome Sentinel.
The old man sighed as he took the
golden-haired, laughing boy upon his
knees, and stroking his shining tresses,
said "Ah, how much should like to
feel like child again" Little John
ME ceased his laughter, and looking
soberly up into his grandfather's face,
remarked, "Then why don't you get
mamma to spank you. "-Brooklyn
Eagle.
elbow brutal p exclaimed Miss
Fitzjoy as she finished reading about
the Sullivan-Ryan prize-fght last even
ing. "Oh yes, indeed, it is most
debasing exhibition of the depravity of
human nature" remarked Mr.. Go
softly, who had called to pass the ever
ing. P. S.-He had lost fifteen dollars
by betting on Ryan.--Neac Haren
Register.
A Racine county farmer had $50
bushels Of oats stolen from his barn, and
he is offended. When it gets so a
farmer has got to have burglar proof
safe to keep his oats and wheat in, the
profit on farming will be small. There
should be a senatorial courtesy among
farmers to such an extent that bin of
oats, or straw stack, is safe enough |
without being stored in a vault
PecE'S San.