Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1882-12-05
WOMAN OR NAN.

L tgish L tOas man! was the expression of
an impulsive woman, and we reyolted so
strongly that we wished sgainst it, and being
a tie vote she must remain q woman. III
there is any particular inducement to be
man we would like TO have it plainly en-
broidered. If all women were 10 become
hemaied, there would be ouly one SEE, as no
man has yet expressed desire 10 change his
original architecture. This would produce
an awkward and unbecoming state OF affairs
and of society. 1t would be the death-knell
Of dry goods openings, malinees, germans,
weddings aad other rackets. The moon
might as we'll close Its shining engagement,
as there would be no more front-porch allu-
sions to its variety entertainment. There
would be an end to all cough-syrup engage
melts. "a young lady always coughs on re-
ceiving proposition, not 10 clear her throat
but to test her hearing) Instead of "Come
rest on this BOSOM" etc, il would be "Shinny
on your own side of the furniture"
There is man going 10 rest
on another mans bosom if the other man
has good use of his right arm. There
would be no church. bonnet sensations, no
pretty pouting or spouting. II IL has got to
-eonIe at least postpone it until the present
style of pants have had their day. They are
lined with guarameed mucilsge and war
ranted TO stick. Some provision would be
necessary for the coupons not yet having run
year, and the results of the present order
OF things. The restaurants which had sup
piled their wants lovingly and gratuitously
would be closed, and they would be helpless,
hungry orphans, with both parents alive
and doing we'll. Just imagine them calling
a pantaloo ned object maiC-snaUl Why, the
comicality would block the wheels of COM
merce for month. The government COM
mission might accept the disfrau-
chised corsets to con6ne the Mis-
sissippi to its banks, but another
commission would have 10 be appointed to
dispose of the other lonesome possessions.
Then imagine these raw recruits, with pants
stuffed in their boots, and holding up
| parasol TO protect their complexion. Street
cars would not stop for them, and it would
take long time 10 learn the proper hop to
hit the step. Then think OF our entire au-
dience at a theater, going out between acts
| 10 oct q cloue. 1t would be q rather ridicu-
lous transform alton, but we might get used
to it. Then who would do the washing?
There is no man but a Chinaman who can
satisfactorily educate his backbone to meet
the upper and lower notes of washboard.
We would be all ''fellers," and / am not
profane enough 10 express what set Of
fellers we would be. If you are woman,
stay as you are There never was a bad wo-
man, and we have never met good man.
There are only two occasions when man
defects docility, humility and smiabiliiy-
Just before marrisge and Just after drunk.
True, he comes home tired, but you don't
knew what he is loaded with. If he comes
with frown, you are ignorant OF Its cost; he
may have bet the msrket-money on pair OF
mines against triplets; he may have failed TO
escape the eagle eye of the sap merchant
when leaving the lunch table, or he may
have been froze out on August. True, man
and his wife should not live together as il
they owed each other hundred dollars, and
had contr tracted compauionship until the debt
was cancelled, both being dead broke at pres
ent, with fine prospect of its being perma-
pent. A man smiles SO much up town thai
his stock is frequently exhausted before
, reaching home, unless he lives within five
minutes walk Of the central part OF the city
, Whenever one woman says to another, 81
, wish my husband was like yours" the other
woman says nothing, but thinks, God hell
you if he IS" Ii woman really feels tbs
, the matrimonial contract is not being ful
!, filed; if she feels that the promises o
pin money have been violated; if sh
|. feels that "hubby's" presence pro-
/ vokes her, let all the honey OF he
offended nature be gathered, all the frmnesl
q of undyiug love be concentrated 10 her rIsh
arm, grapple an inch plank, and ere par
e ley or truce is granted let her be using tn
= remnants Of that plank a toothpick, an
}, let the "sharer of her joys and sorrows" az
2 count for the balance OF il. One or two re
: unions Of this character will make the pre-
" ent condition of things run smoothly.
q B. AITCH.