New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1882-12-23
Fiske salled upon "Mark Twain" to answer II
speech was ae follows:

The toast includes the sex, universally; 1t Is 70
Woman comprehensyely, wheresoever she may be
mnttor OF dress This is most important cOnsidera-
tOn and must be disposed Of before We can integentT
proceed to examine the proiOundeP depths OF the
theme For text let take the dress Of two antipoda
| tiTaied daughter of our high modern civilization.
Among the Fans, great negro tribe. a woman when
doesn't wear anything at ali bat just f her Compile
daughter That is alli 1t Is her entire outnt;;
daughter II Is the liGhtest costume in the world but
is made OF the darkest material. daughter. IL mas
often been mistaken for mourning. tLaughterl II Is
is now In fashion, It wears we'll is fast coors doesn't
show dirt, you don't have TO send it downtown to
wash and have some OF Il come back scorched with the
| iat-iron and Of 1t with the buttons ironed OF.
and some OF IL petriied with starch, and some OF II
chewed by the calf and of 1t rotted with acids and
some OF It exchanged for other customers things that
haven't virtue but holiness and tentwelfths OF the
pieces charged for and the rest of the dozen mis-
laid; daughter And It always fits; II Is the per
lection Of IT. amg6tGr And y Is te Ic1Sy
always done up When you call on Fan lady ana
send up your card the hired gir never SAYS fLelse
tai seat madam is dressng-sell be down IN three
quarters of an hour" No, madam is always dressed.
always ready TO receive; and before you can get the
dOOr-Inat before your eyes, she Is in your midst
Laughter Then again. the Fan ladies don't go to
don't go back home and describe 1t and SANDER It,
Uaughter)
toilette and thus. cnonsiy cnongh She finds point Of
contact with the fair daugdtero civilization and high
these widely separated types OF the sex meet upon
common ground Yes, such Is the Fan woman as she
but on state occasions she Is drcssy At ban
quet she wears bracelets at lecture she wears earrings
feminine f0ndness for display she wears them on her
laugntcrl; mt funeral she jacket of tar
and ashes laughterl mt wedding the bride Who can
dapk child ~ and The fair nShcr NJ civza
ton meet once more upon common ground and these
two touches OF nature make their whole world kim
Now viii consider the dress OF our other type.
large part OF the daughter OF civilization is her dress
1t should be. Some civilized women would lose half
their charm without dress and some would lose all OF It,
fIau0 N
dressed ut her utmost best Il marvel OF exquisite and
beautiful art and expense All the lands all the climes
forth Her linel il from Belfast her robe is from Paris
her lace s from Venice or SPAIN or France her ieath
furs from the remOtcr home OF the iceberg and the
her fan from Japan her diamonds from Brazil her
bracelets from California her pearls Om CeylOn. her
canoes from Rome; she has gems and trinkets from
buried Pompc and othersthat graoed comcy Egyptian
forms have dust and ashes for fOI
turtles; her watch is from Geneva, her card-case Is
from China. her hair Is rom-frOm-I Don't know where
her hair Il from: | never could find out Much
laughter. That Is, her other harher public hair her
sunday hair don't mean the hair she goes to bed with
Laughter. Why, you ought to know the hair mean
It's that thing whch she calls switch and which re-
sembes a switch much 1t resembles a brckbat
shotgun or any other thing which you people
with. It's that thing which she twists, and then coils
round and round her head beehive fashion, and then
ucks the emil in under the hive and harpoons it with
hairpin And that reminds me of triflc: any time
you want TO- you cnn q nee around the carpet OF Pull
man car and go aud pick up hairpn; but not 20
1cknowicdge Mat nairpn Now isu't that strance3
cast-irOn ycracity and fidelity In her whole life will
when con routed with this crucial test deny her harpn.
Laughter. sue will DENY that hairpin before hun
dred Witnesses have stupidity got into more trouble
and more hot water trying 10 hunt up the OF
harpn In Pullman car than by any other indscretion
OF my life.
Wei. you what the daughter Of civilization IS when
she f. dressed and you haN what the daughter of
sayagery Is when she isn't such ia Woman as 10 cos
time. | now to consider her in her higher and
uOblcr aspects-as mother, wife. widow grass-wdOw,
mother in-law. hired girl telegraph operator telephone
hellocr queen, bOOk-agcnt, wet-nurse step mother,
boss professional tat woman, professional dOube-hCaded
woman, professional beauty. and so forth and so
Laughter
We will simply discuss these fcw-let the rest OF the
tarry in jericho till again First IN the list
OF right and first in gratitude. woman who
why, dear me, I've been talking threc-quarers of
hour! beg thousand pardOns. But. you see, your
sci Ives, that | had large contract. | have accom-
plished something, anyway. | have introduced my
subject And If had till next Fore athers' Day am
satisfied that could discuss ii adequately and ap-
precatively gracious and noble theme deserves.
But as tie matter stands now let finish rs began
and say without testing. but with all sincerity woman
God bless her!' Applause