The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-09-22
WIT AND HUM0R.

The most exaggerated dispatches
come by the fish line.
Ella Wheeler says that Glove is suf-
ficient" Ella has evidently been read
ing from DR.. Tanner.
1t was a Detroit girl who married at
Is so as to have her golden wedding
when it would do her some good.
The young woman who sneeringly re-
marks that men are all alike generally
shows her sincerity by taking the first
man that offers himself to her.
Miss Emma Abbott is said to have
made 100000 in stock speculation re-
Gently. Emma, if you can do that sort
of thing, you just let opera alone.
There is one advantage in warm
weather At no other season OF the
year can you spread the butter on the
chidren's bread so evenly and so thinly
Saws cynical INA iuay. .'Vnry
handsome mothers are often proud of
their very ugly babies. ! wonderif but
terhies are proud of their caterpillars, "
No matter how handsome a young
woman may be, when the right man
comes along she is ready to yield the
palm of her beauty, if he have the sense
to ask it.
Takes a woman for ingenuity. A
Cleveland girl had new bonnet she
wanted to show, and contrived to get
herself called as n witness on case she
knew nothing about.
Vegetables are ever so much better
for person than meat this hot wealth.
err" remarked the head of the family,
as he reached for the last slice of beef
and left an unsatisfactory ear of corn
for the rest of the household.
A woman lately looked at printing
press at work, turned to her companion,
and in most earnest manner inquired
well, Charley, an thems the things as
writes the papers. Bes them what
they call editors9"
Yes, my boy, there are 100000
people in this country. And you are
only one of them. Just one. Think of
that once in n while, when you get to
wondering what would happen to the
world if you should die.
1t may be interesting to the boys to
learn that mule can fight at both ends
A Louisville boy who tickled mule
about the mouth the other day was
| frightfully bitten in the hand by the en-
ragged longears.
II DECLARE" exclaimed Mrs. Tindice,
al never saw gal like our Sary Jane
Z ,,cft ,vn I'm Ia an hnr
bathin' dress, and don't you think she
| got il wringin' wet the fust time she put
| il on"
Substitution 1t was at party. Miss
| Angelina had been persuaded to preside
at the piano. There" said Seraphina,
as Angelina took up piece Of music,
"she has taken tune from the rack,
and now she will put us all on it."
A trade journal gives directions for
preserving harness. Preserved, har-
ness may be considered very palatable
by those who like that sort of thing,
but we don't want bit in our mouth.
---Norristown Herald
ayes, sir" says the Oldest resident,
'the first trip / made from Lowell to
Boston was over tho old canal, and l
worked my passage on the canal-b boat"
worked your passagep How" in
| quired his audience. al led the horse"
solemnly remarked the ancient mariner.
A certain self-styled authority on wit
and humor says that there are but
twenty kinds of jokes. Well wager
that we can send him boy that will
play over forty different practical jokes
In half a day, unless he assassnates the
boy before that time.
A fashion item says that the belle Of
the period now wears at her waist belt
a little music box, family playing sim
gle tune. We suppose this is to enable
the gentleman to explain to anybody
who comes along unexpectedly, that he
was winding the box.
Recipe for Angels: mamma, what
makes angelsp' asked little boy who
had been reading Of the heavenly In
habitants. The mother glanced out
into the orchard, and, with warning
look, solemply replied, "unripe fruit'
INV dear"