Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-01-05
CURRENCY.

Florida peach trees are blooming away
as if nothing had happened.
The man who sets fire to seaside ho-
tells in the winter is not rushing busi-
ness.
Shell jewelry is all the go this winter,
and the snail may consider himself III
fashion.
The best plan for city having small
pox is to own up to ii and bring all re-
NEEDLES to bear.
A Montreal man who could once draw
check for a million dollars is now saw
ing wood at fifty cents per cord.
One grain ofsilver will make wire
400 feet long, and you can grease the
wire with ard and swallow il at your
leisure.
1t takes man four days to alter a
81 note TO So, and then 1t may be
detected in the first saloon where he
calls for drink.
That Confederate treasure" was
mostly in Gen. JOhnstOn's eye, andhe
is probably put out because none OF 1t
was in his pocket.
Connecticut has 100 more women
than men. They stay there because
they would scare children to death in
any other locality.
Thirty-fivc of the members of the in
coming Connecticut Legislature are
bald-headed. They look for very late
spFingin that State.
They never muzzle the press in MeXi-
co, but several instances have occurred
where the editor has been gagged and
left with headache.
A Cincinnati woman 81 years old
makes up SO that no one judges her to
be over 10. Paint, powder, dye and
false hair will work wonders.
Forty-nine out of every fifty beggars
are rank swindlers and base impostors,
and vet the average beggar collects a
bout seventy cents per day.
No one finds fault with the jury-itself,
but the system by which fools are given
preference on the panel is what the
whole country is growing about.
A green Christmas does not neceSsari-
" make a fat graveyard. Keep your
feet dry, YOUR head cool and VOW con-
science clear. and you'll be all right.
4 Yankee has astOunded all Paris by
throwing his gold watch at 4 cat on a
eat OH the roof and then advertise u re-
ward of 10 dollars for the return of the
ticker.
The New Haven Register wants
gospel ear attached to all railroad trains.
Nes-iust imagine the interior of such a
ear with the train two hours behind
time.
4 nephew of - Davy Crockett is still
living in Texas, and il is not u rare
sight to see his wife and broom-SIick
run him across the yard and over the
fence.
The Boston Transcript compliments
Patti on throwing so much brio into her
songs. Brio: Brio" Dent you mean
bunko, or bravo Please be little more
piano.
The plumbers of New York are to be
represented by weekly publication. 1t
will explode the theory that plumbers
ever charge anything i'll the bill for
solder.
PoStmaster-G General James had moth
ing to say about the appointment OF his
assistant. Had ne his choice, he would
have selected some one from the Boston
press.
five were girl we'd go to the theatre
and wear q hat rs big rs a hayStack,
and the first man who got up on step
ladder to see over us would he manned
for life.
Alice Oates saws she would have had
no trouble with her husband if he had
Obcvcd her orders. He was just Obstin-
ate enough to think he could get along
without Il mother.
switzerland has'had twenty-twoc earth
quake rumhlcs since the lSt of NOvem-
her, and now they want dishes made
that can be nailed to the shelves.
William II. Vanderbilt announces
that he wants no title further than
ESD" and he doesn't care two cents
whether sou put that on the envelope
or not.
The Cincinnati Gazette longs for a re-
turn of fractional currency. In those
DAYS one didn't have to hunt all over his
pocket, to give his wife ten cent
piece.
\ lady ut NickSburg had a man arrest
Il for blowing n is nose i'll her presence,
hut the court gave her nose pull by
dischargingthe prisoncrand making her
pay the costs.
The napkins furnished ut railway
restaurants are not for people to wipe
their mouths on. They are simply door
mats which have escaped from their
prOuIr pOSitiOnS.