Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1882-12-23
PUNGENT PARAGRAPH,
Winter reigns when it SHOWS.

A matter of course-The race track.
Brevity is the soul of wit. The
hotel keeper who wrote to delinquent
ex-boarder, "Send me amount of BILL"
received for a reply, "The amount is
$1O.5O.
"How should turkey be dressed ?"
A turkey, in order to be well dressed,
should be wholly undressed. The
fewer feathers turkey has when it
comes on the table the more angelic it
will appear.
'Pa, are we going to have any girl
vanized iron on our new house?" "Any
what p "any galvanized iron ?" "Gal-
vanized you mean, don't you?" eyes,
pa? but the teacher says we mustn't
say gal? it's girl?'
A young man finds himself in per-
picking situation when he is unable to
distinguish between the ten-cent cigar
purchased for his own enjoyment and
the two-for-fves intended for his pros
pective father-in-law.
1t is the dog that has the spants"
and the young man the pantaloons; but
it is not unfrequently the case that be-
fore the young man can get safely over
the fence it is he who has the pants
and the dog the pantaloons.
A boy in a country school was read
ing the following sentence: "The light
house is landmark by day and
beacon by night" and rendered it thus:
"The lighthouse is landlord by day
and deacon by night.
First masher: "Well, did you make
the acquaintance of that strange girl
you were raving over?" Second ditto:
"Yes; followed her home" First M:
"How did she strike you?" Second
ditto "She didn't at all she got her
big brother to do it."
"You know l am member of the
fire department" said her father, "and
if find your young spark in the hous
it will be my duty to put him out"
"But, father" replied his daughter,
IF you do, like as not shall have
new flame within week"
A fashionably attired young lady
asked her doctor, the other day, if he
did not think that the great weight Of
the large hats and bonnets now in
style had tendency to cause disease
of the brain. "Not at all, my dear
Miss; ladies who have brains don't
wear those large hats"
A Western cyclone went through
the open windows of house, caught
up all the tides, pillow shams and a
pocketbook, and blew them miles away.
The man Of the house refuses to 90
look for the pocketbook. He is afraid
he might also find the tides and pillow
shams-Phila6telphi0 Neacs.
The reason that an express train
always precedes a milk train is not
because its speed is greater. 1t is be-
cause the cow catcher on the engine
is used to catch the cows in time to be
MIXED before dark. After they are
caught they are run on the side track,
the cows we understand, doing the
switching themselves.
"John," said the cashiers wife. drop.
ping into the bank in the midst of a
shopping trip, ."you forgot to leave me
that money this morning.S What
name ?" "Name mer' exclaimed
the lady. II am your wife," No
doubt, no doubt" answered the cashier
mechanically, and going on with his
writing, "but you will have to bring
some one to identify you.
There was a singular custom al
Rome in connection with the purchase
of provisions, Purchaser and vendor
simultaneously closed, and then sud-
denly opened one of their hands, or
some of their fingers. If the number
of fingers on both sides was even, the
vendor got the price which he had pre-
viously asked but if the number was
uneven, the buyer received the goods
e. ha haA