The Portland daily press., 1882-05-24
Spoopendyke.
His Better Half Trifie Mixed and De-
sires Little Information on the Irish
Turnbull Loubat- Cramer Affair.
ALBANY Journal.l

lAlDany Joutnli'li
aWhat is the trouble about Mr.. Loubat and
Mr. Turnbull, my dear?" asked Mrs Spoopen-
dyke dreamily lingering around in the baby's
mouth for tooth us there suspicion out
that they are the murderers?"
tMurderers of who?" demanded Mr.. Spoop-
endike, looking up from his paper. "Who
have they murdered?"
"Ddn't see in one OF the papers that they
found druggist who sold arsenic to Mr.. Lou
bat, and that Mr.. rurnhull was seen on the fly
ing horses in an intoxicated condition the night
before the body was found?"
"What paper said SOP" snorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. 'What back number of a petticoat pat
tern have you had hold of this trip? Who's
been leaning you the statistical reports OF the
lunatie asylums lately?"
81 haven't followed it very Closely faltered
Mrs. Spoopendyke, beginning to hedge, "but
understood from what saw that Mr. Loubat
was seen holding Mr.. Turnbull's horse on
Chapel street while the rest were at Sevin
Rock, and that they had bought railroad in
Virginia-no, no, that wasn't it. Mr. Turn
bull and Mr.. Loubat were to have duet to-
gether when the body was found Now I've
got itl''
"You want to hold itn' roared Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. you'd better take blight around the
door knob with i'll Oh, you're right about
having It'll If anybody else should get it as
bad as you've got it it would be epidemic!
With The way you've got it, and are likely to
have it, you'll only need a spindle legged doc
tor and yellow flag to be quarantine hospi-
tai. Turnbull and Loubat are duelists! They
are going to fight duel, not duet! And it
was the Malleys who bought arsenic and went
to Savin Rock! Is that straight enough? Got
room for those two ideas in your head at once?'
"Yes, yes" smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke,
new light dawning on her 81 see 1t the mo
ment you explain it. But never heard OF men
fighting duel with arsenic before, and think
they must have been very poor aimsmen to
have missed each other and hit the girl'
Whats the girl got to do with it?'' bawled
MIR. Spoopendyke. Ever since you had that
baby you think everybody's girl | tell ye
the girl had nothing to do with it. 1t was only
Loubat and Turnbull, and when they got mad
everybody else got out of the way! Can you
grasp thai? Will you let that rattle around in
your mind until it makes an impression?o
THAT'S what say mumbled Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. "And if they put the girl out of the
way they should be punished No woman is
safe when such bloodthirsty men lose their Vi
cious tempersp'
Mr.. Spoopendyke looked at her and she
quailed.
"Look herel' commenced Mr.. SpoopendyKe,
with horrible calmness. "Does anybody on
this dodgasted earth know what you are talking
about? Yon so around pecking at the papers
like measly old hen, and when you've got it all
in your crop you begin to wonder what it all
means! / say that Loubat and Turnbull had
nothing to do with it. 1t was Blanche Doug
lassl"
"Of COURSE assented Mrs. Spoopendyke.
81 understand that part, but don't see what
they want to fight Blanche Douglass for, though
suppose, when business is bad, the duelists
have to take any kind of work they can get.
Did they find any arsenic in Miss Douglas?"
eyes, they found arsenic in Miss Douglasl'
yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke, mad clean through
when he found that his lucid explanation made
no impression on his wife. "And they put
glass window with red lights in her side and
prescription counter in the small of her back
and sold six hundred tons of arsenic to Walter
Maley in twenty-four hours! See it now?
Understand it at last? And they'd have made
fortune out of her, if she hadn't kicked
against having candy counter in her ear and
a soda fountain in her dod-gasted psoDhagus!
Got hold of it this time? And Loubat and
Turnbull quarelled because she got sand in
her gullet and spoiled the stockl Want any
more information? Think you can talk intel
Iigently on the subject to the neighbors now?''
II guess SO" murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke,
looking rather doubtful about it, by the
way, my dear, did you ever read Fowler's So
luton of the matter? I've seen it referred to
but never could find it!'
'That's strangei'' grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke.
81 don't see how anything should escape that
twenty-five foot front, three story and base
ment brown stone mind of yoursI Now just
listen For the sake of average intelligence,
listen!" pleaded Mr.. Spoopendyke pathetiea-
ly. "Loubat and Turnbull had quarrel The
Malleys and Blanche Douglas and Jennie Cra-
mer were other people and had nothing to do
with it. That's all there is in the matter.
Now you must understand tI''
"Yes," sighed Mrs Spoopendyke, shut when
men like Mr.. Loubat and Mr.. Turnbull get an
CRY and quarrel SO desperately, you can't
blame woman for jumping overheard or eat
ing arsenic, though I'm glad they are not MUIR
derers, for from what read had an idea that
they were implicated and that Mr.. Turnbull
would escape because Mr.. Loubat didn't take
any notice of the murder at the time it was
committed
Mr.. Spoopendyke drew off his clothes slowly,
and deliberately jammed them into the empty
CRATE. The English language was too watery
for him.
Anyway" soliloquized Mrs. Spoopendyke,
as she watched him crawl into bed like can
non ball, anyway, I'm sure that Mr.. Loubat's
and Mr.. Turnbull's mothers will be glad TO
know that they have been upiustly accused,
and hope it will keep them from going to Sa-
vim Rock in the future"
With which reflection Mrs. Spoopendyke
smoothed out her husbands clothes and fell
asleep dreaming that Jennie Cramer had
fought duel with Blanche Douglas for insult
ing Mr.. Loubat and that Mr.. Turnbull had
stumbled overheard while lodging the flying
arsenic