The news., 1882-10-17
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
Ii you want to find out how great a
man is, let him tell it himself.
Love-sick maidens all pine for Egypt
The fellahs there are SO numerous.
The Prince of Wales is not WE'LL but as
DIR. Bliss has left England there is moth
ing serious apprehended.
Sir William Eden, young baronet,
has just reached New York. 1t is pre-
dicted that will be an American Eve in
the Garden of Eden.
A young man advertised in Chicago
paper wife. He received letters from
ten married men, saying he could have
theirs.
A smart boy says: "Why am | told to
excuse person because he is old, while
/ am punished because am young He
has had fifty years to learn it or get over
{ it.v
Beecher calculates that ninety-iive men
out of hundred lie every day. We did
not suppose that newspaper men COM
prised five per cent. of the entire popula-
ton.
Women are not allowed to be out on
the street of Chicago after 10 o'clock at
night After that hour the men want the
whole street to themselves and they
take it.
A Nevada miner exploded few drops
of nitro-glycerine in hollow aching
tooth. Not being of any special value
without head, his neighbors kindly
buried him.
Reading makes man full" says Lord
Bacon. We can now understand why it
is that so many of our distinguished coun-
trymen come home late at night swell
red"
Heartily Recommended.
Don't condemn good thing because
you have been deceived by worthless nos
trum. Parker's Ginger Tonic has cured
many in this section of nervous disorders.
and we recommend it heartily to such snf-
ferers.--Nescs.
Mothers Should Know 1t.
Fretful babies cannot held disturbing |
everybody, and mothers should know how |
soothing Parker's Tonic is. 1t stops
babies pains, makes them healthy, re-
lieves their own anxiety, and is safe to
use.-Jouy-aal.
Susan B. Anthony will lecture through |
Texas this winter. And yet the miserable
Texans have been wining because they
have been visited by the yellow fever.
Serve them all right.
"Tug" Wilson, the English bruiser, has
gone back to England, and if he writes
book about America he will have no
trouble in telling what "struck him most
forcibly in this country"
Gray hairs often cause annoyance, which
Parker's Hair Balsam prevents by resloi
ing the youthful color.
Lippincott's Cough Syrup and Dyspep-
sia Tonic tell their own story. Sold by |
dealers generally. Tonic $l00 per bottle,
syrup 25 and so cents Office and labor,
atory, Mount Holly, N. ].
j. +. LlPPINcoTT, Proprietor.
DIR. Kline's great nerve restorer is the |
marvel Of the age for all nerve diseases.
All fits stopped free. Send to 93l, Arch |
st., Philadelphia, Pa.
Professor Huxley estimates the take oe
herring from the North Sea at s,ooOOOO,- |
600. Before relying on Huxley's esti-
mate we would like TO know whether he |
saw the fish or took the statement from the |
fishermen.
The man whose wife gave away his |
last bottle Of cocktail TO a sick beggar,
has since been heard 10 mildly express the |
opinion THAI charity should begin at home.
4 Deem 1t My Duty to Tell
what DR.. swayne's Compound Syrup OF Wild |
Cherry has done for me: had violent |
cough, night sweats, sore throat, great weak |
ness with severe attacks ofhemorrhage gave
up all hopes of recovery. 1 am cured, q |
sOund and hearty man.
S'''''' - EDWARD Il. HANSON,
Engineer of Sweeny's Pottery,
1884 Ridge Aveune Phtlanelphia,
Over twenty-five years have elapsed and |
l am still hearty man.
Elegant Toilet Preparations.
Hair dressing, and restorative Is found in /
London Hair Color Restorer." 1t seldom |
fails to restore gray or faded hair 10 its orig
inal youthful color and beauty. Falling |
hair is checked by Its use. and 1t produces /
growth of beautiful young hair soft, glossy, |
and luxuriant. It certainly is The most |
cleanly and effective hair restorer now be- |
fore the American people.
A. A. Gibson, Barrytown, Duchess county, |
N. Y, writes: DIR. Swayne & Son, Philadel- |
phia Gents-I enclose Post Office order for |
eight dollars; please send me one dozen bot |
ties of the "London Hair Color Restorer'' |
1t has stopped my hair from falling, and re- |
stored 1t to its natural color. It has proven |
satisfactory in every respect. The "London |
Hair Color Restorer" can be obtained at all |
the leading druggists at 70 cents bottle.
SKIN DISEASES
..'swayne's Ointment Cures the most in
..'Swayne's Ointment disease, such as tet- |