davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The news., 1882-11-21
HOLLY BURLINGTON co, J, TUESDAY, NOVEMBER

started down the sidewalk, and / ki-yi-d
and growled like a dog that gets licked,
and you ought TO see pa run. He went
around in the alley, and was going to get
in the basement window, and my chum
had revolver and some blank cartridges,
and we went down in the basement, and
when pa was trying to open the window
my chum began firing towards pa. Pa
hollered that it was only him. and not
burglar, but after my chum fired four
sbo,s pa run and climbed over the fence,
and then we took the dog home, and !
stayed with nv chum all night, and this
morning ma said pa didn't come home
till four o'clock, and then a policeman
came with him, and then pa talked about
mad dogs and being taken for burglar
and nearly killed, and she said she was
afraid pc had took to drinking again, and
she asked me if 1 heard any firing of
guns, and said no, and then she put a
wet towel on pas head"
''You ought to be ashamed" said the
groceryman. How does your pa like
your being 10 love with girl? Does he
seem to encourage you in iti''
"Oh, yes, She was up to our house to
borry some tea, and pa patted her on the
cheek and hugged her, and said she was
dear little daisy, and wanted her to sit
in his lap, but when wanted him to let
me have fifty cents to buy her some ice
cream he said that was all nonsense. He
said: Look at your ma. Eating ice-cream
when she was girl was what injured her
health tor life Iasked ma about it, and
she said pa never laid out ten cents for
ice-cream or any other luxury for her in
all the five years he was sparkling her.
She says he took her to a circus once, but
he got free tickets for carrying water for
the elephant. She says pa was tighter
than the bark to a tree. tell you it's
going to be different with me. If there
is anything that girl wants she is going
TO have it if I have to sell mas copper
boiler to get the money. What is the use
Of having wealth if you hoard it up and
don't enjoy it? This family will be run
on different principles after this, you bet
Say, how much are those yellow wooden
pocket combs in the show case? I've a
good notion to buy them for her. How
would one of them round mirrors with
zinc cover do for present for girl
There's nothing to good for her" Peck's
Sam
The news., 1882-11-21
STATISTICS FOR GIRLS.


A young English staticistician who was
paying court to young lady thought to
surprise her with his immense erudition.
Producing bis note book sbe thought he
was abont to indite love sonnet, bnt was
slightly taken aback at the following
question
'How many meals do you eat q day ?"
"Why, three of of course but of all the
oldest questions p
Never mind, dear; I'll tell you all
about it in a moment"
His pencil was rapidly at work. At
last fondly clssping her slender waist he
said ?"
Now, my darling, Pye got it, and if
you wish to know how much has passed
through that adorable little mouth in the
last seventeen years car give you the
exact figures"
Goodness gracious! What do you
mean y
"Now Just listen,' says he, and you
viii see exactly what you have been OBJ
liged to absorb 10 maintain those charms
which are to make the happiness of my
life."
"But don't want to hear"
1Ah, you are surprised, no doubt, but
listen, statistics are wonderful things.
Just listen: You are now seventeen
years old, 80 that in fifteen years yoI have
absorbed-oxen or calves, 8; sheep and
lambs, IA; chickens, 327; ducks, 204; geese,
II, turkeys, 100; game Of various kinds,
S24; fishes, 100; eggs, 3,240; vegetables,
(bunches), 700; fruit (baskets), 6O3 chess
es, 10S; bread, cake, etc, lin sacks of
four) 40; wine (barrels), II; water, (gaI-
lons), S0O0."
At this the maiden revolted, and Jump
ing up exclaimed:
Il think you are very impertinent, cnd
disgusting besides, and will not stay to
listen to you p upon which she few into
the house.
He gazed after her with an ahstracted
air, and left saying 10 himself:
"If she kept on talking at that rate
twelve hours out of twenty -four, her jaws
would in twenty years travel distance Of
1882. 124 miles.
The maiden, within two months mar
ried a Sell-to-do grocer, who was no stat
istician.
The news., 1882-11-21
MAIDENs DISPLAY THEIR BEAUTY
In PHOTOGRAPHS.

Nine young ladies, whose ages range
from Is to IS years. to which fact their
foolshness may be attributed, recently
visited photograph gallery in Wheeling
and had their pictures taken in scandal
ously scant attire. They did not adopt
the fashion of Mother Eve or the tropical
costume Of the Greek Slave, bat they
procured about three yards of gauze. arm
ed with which they sought certain gal
lery and in turn they had their likenesses
taken. The attitudes they assumed and
the charms they displayed were varied
and striking. The first subject reduced
herself to the condition of an iron pud-
dler on hot summer day, and with the
veil of gauze thrown over her head, and
her arms folded upon her bosom, faced
the camera. Others followed and became
bolder. The pictures were taken in va
rious states of nudity, all of which we're
beautifully dimmed, but not hidden by
the netting. One assummed the role Of
Venus rising from the sea, and she might
well have sat for model of the beautiful
goddess. In this instance she wore one
brief garment, not known TO the mother
Of COpid, and was enveloped in cloud
of mosquito netting not seen in the origin
al. Another dispensed with the veil al
together, but she exhibited only her we'll
rounded limbs, standing with one foot
upon stool and her dress elevated sufi-
ciently to show her in the act of garterng
her striped hose, and so on, with the rest.
Each one had some different idea and
her picture showed accordingly. Models
were furnished by certain pictures Of act
resses, and the photographs were taken
in the highest style of the art. In due
process of time the pictures were finished
and ready, and snug in her pocket each
raiss held little package Of cartes de
visite, displaying what she regarded as
her best points of beauty. OF
course it would be kept secret. Such a
secret is only secret when shared in strict
confidence with a friend. First one
friend and then another was informed,
until at last the secret was the property
of circle which might have included
fifty friends. Thus it became no secret
and finally reached the ears ofthe parents
of the young ladies, who are now endeay-
oring to wreak their vengeance on the
photographer for catering to the whims
of the ambitious maidens.- WheeEinq
Register.
The news., 1882-11-21
FORCE OF HABIT.

The runaway on Chestnut street Sun
day morning was a queer affair, and
wasn't runaway either. 1t will be re-
membered that a number of old horses
that had been used by the fire department
were sold at auction last week. One of
them, sleepy old fellow, was sold and
traded around until he got into the hands
of man who peddled milk. The old horse
thought he had struck something that just
suited him in his old age, and he trotted
along as handily as possible, ard the Ger
man peddler, who did not know anything
of the former employment of the fire
horse, smoked bis pipe in peace, and
emptied his milk in pitchers as though
there was no care on his mind. Sunday
morning the German was delivering some
alleged milk into girls tin receptacle
on Chestnut street when the fire bell
struck 317. The old horse simply raised
his fore feet in the air and made jump
before the old man could pull upon the
reins, when the beast was stopped. We
presume there never was more aston
ished German in the world than the milk
man was; covered with spilled milk, and
looking over his shoulder at his customer
he found he had emptied quart Of milk
on her neck, and it was seeking its level,
while she was looking at broken pitcher
on the sidewalk, and swearing at the milk
man in English that was nearly as broken
the pitcher. BY the time the peddler got
his horse quiteed the fire engine and hook
and ladder truck and hose cart came
across the bridge, the alarms ringing and
crowds yelling, and then it was that the
old horse hitched to the milk wagon be-
gan to smell wool burning. He started
up Chestnut street on a run, the milk
wagon rafting, and the German trying to
hold the horse with one hand while he
kept six cans right side up with the other
hand and both legs. Going over the first
crossing milk can jumped into the air
and came down bottom side up in the
Germans lap; he fairly loated in milk
while he yelled, Whoa, do for DONNA
skimmel?' or something of that nature.
The milk wagon kept ahead of the engine,
and at every stroke of the bell the old
horse gave an extra jump, until he had
arrived at the store from which the smoke
proceeded, when he turned the milk
wagon up to hydrant on the corner and
stopped so quick that the driver went over
the dashboard with a milk can pounding
him in the ear The rest of the fire an
paratus stopped at convenient points snd
the old horse looked over his shoulder as
much as to say to the other fire horses,
"You thought old Tom was played out
but ! notice his flag is still there, and he
can teach you green colts a thing or two
abont fire department" The old Ger
man got out and wiped the milk ont Of
his neck, Get the cans right side up; kicked
the horse in the stomach, and as saloon
keeper looked at the hydrant and asked
the old man if he was going to water his
milk, the peddler got into the wagon, and
drove off to find the girl with the milk in
her hair. and said @Vell, think dot old
horse wasa crank. He ejoost act like crazy
ven red-headed girl comes ont nit
hitcher of milk PecRs Sssn''
The news., 1882-11-21
FOR HORSES.

No horseman should be without bottle
in his stable in case of accident as it Is a
sure cure for the following diseases of the
horse:
The news., 1882-11-21

A detective frightened young man
nearly to death yesterday. The Young
man was standing on a corner when the
detective tapped him on the shoulder and
said: II shall have to arrest you far car.
rying deadly weapons" The young man
turned pale, his lip quivered, and he
stammered ont be never carried reyol-
yer or knife in his life. ''Yes," said
the detective, that may be all right, but
look at your shoes" The young man
looked at his tooth-pick-toed-shoes, and
asked what was the matter with them.
Then the detective told him the shoes
were so sharp at the toes that if he should
get mad and kick man he would split
him wide open. Then the detective
winked and said: "You may go this time,
but don't let it occur again"
The news., 1882-11-21

Kind words produce there own image
in mems souls,and beautiful image it is.
They soothe and comfort the hearer.
The news., 1882-11-21

A Ayoung couple on Prairie avenue had
conversed long and earnestly one night
last week about the weather and other
thrilling subjects, and at 1890, Llewellen
grabbed his sosp-dish castor from the $75
hat rack and prepared to 60 home. Ia
the hall were some rare exotics, among
them young century plant, only year
old. They are curious flower" said
Maud. They are that" replied Level
len. "How ! would like to see one in
bloom" Would you truly p inquired
Maud, with radient artless look in her
soft brown eyes. Indeed would" said
Llewelien, a wild hope springing up in
his experienced heart As they stood in
the doorway beneath the warm, bright
stars of June, and he held her snow-white.
jeweled hand in-his'n-Maud asked him
TO call again. Llewellen ventured to
squeeze the tiny, unresisting hand. Eyes,
call" she said softly, and sweetly, and
tenderly, "call again, LIewellen-when
the century plant blossoms.
The news., 1882-11-21

The question has often been asked
"Who ate the first oyster ?" and the opin-
ion is general that whoever did was a
brave man. In the cooking ofthe oyster
in America, at least-conisderable in
genuity has been shown, the enscoloped
oyster, especially, possessing great recon-
mcndations. But the most ingenious ap-
plication ofthe oyster in modern times, un-
doubtedly, was that made by a citizen OF
New York who, one night recently, dis.
covered another citizen emerging from a
street fight, escorted him home, placed an
oyster upon each of his battered eyes, and
recommended him to keep quiet until
morning. The injured man complied,
and removing his oysters at day.break,
discovered that his benefactor had taken
away hiss French clock and $14 in money.
The. oyster, undoubtedly, is a remark
able product, and it is probable that the
uses to which it may be put are still only
meagerly understood.
The news., 1882-11-21

He that wrestles with us strengthens
our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our
antagonist is our helper.
The news., 1882-11-21
CERTIFICATES.
philadelphia, January %, 1881.

philadelphia, January 26, 1881.
D. d. Tomlinson,
Dear SIR Baving heard so much of the
virtue as q curative of your Celebrated II /.
81. II. Remedy" one OF my daughters, who
has suffered very much from painful bun
ion on one of her feet, was induced to try
your medicine as o liniment and, to her
great Joy and surprise, after few applica-
tions was permanently relieved OF both pain
and bunion. My wife has such confidence
in its virtue that she resorts TO it as rem
edy for all the ills any member of the family
may be afflicted with. Several of our trends
and neis hbOIs, af .er having used il, speak of
1t in the most glowing terms To hear some
speak OF its very great powers to cure one
was necessary. am, very respectfully yours,
JAMES MAHONEY, Ssh North Fifth st.
The news., 1882-11-21
Philadelphia. No. / ,sll Crease St.

Philadelphia. No. 1,S11 Creasest
To the Proprietor of the r. II II. medicine
Having suffered nearly three weeks with
the neuralgia, being so had one arm be-
came paralyZed, the doctor could give me no
relief. One of my neishbors told me of your
"Celebrated II. b. II, medicine I sent and
got one bottle. found so much reiiefI got
another, which made perfect cure, and
most heartily recommend 1t to any one who
are like afflicted Amy one can learn from
me what think oft.
Yours Truly AIRs. HENRY BATH.
Something p'-g win appear each month
in regard TO the great merits of Fl. II. H.
medicine.
The news., 1882-11-21
FOR EXTERNAL USE.

Use for strains, sprained joints, sore shouI-
ders and backs, thrush in feet scratches,
splint, blood or bone SPAWN, ringbone. and
will remove all swellings and callous Jumps
left from kicks or other bruises, without
Injury to the growth ofthe hair Has proved
sure cure for epizooty
For epizootic and distemper use from one
to two tablespoonfuls in bucket of cold
water, for their drink when watering, and
bathe the throat until it blisters then put a
cloth around the throat to keep it warm,
Will also cure the worst case of collie in
ten minutes, and relieve bots. by giving one
to two spoonfuls IN pint OF milk warm wa
ter. Be sure aud get the genuine, pnt up by
the proprietor in Philadelphia.
St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1882-05-13
INFLUENCES.

What can busy housewife know
", the subtle things that come and go
Iw1Xt sky above and earth below,
MOI seen through sight nor heard through
sound,
YET potent with power profound,
ana shy as a violet hidden away?
now hear what happened me one day
IN the early spring, when gray and chill,
Inc sky leaned heavily on the hill
It was something far in thing full near
Inc note of a bluebird sweet and clear
Yet never note and never a bird
Gould have given to me the thing heard,
50 fresh, so full of warmth and light!
Iwas full of a subtle. faint delight,
AS the flower that goes with us out of the wood,
Enough waving, unpiucked where late We
stood;
Dear as the smile and the touch that stay
When the face and the hand are gone away;
Sweet as the music, tender and deep,
mat floats through the mystic aisles of sleep.
Pains and losses and troubled unrest
Vanished in air, and left me blest.
Then went in at the cottage door,
Blithe as linnet. and swept the floor,
Catching the sunlight that crossed the room
With every stroke of the busy broom.
Duties and labors lay close at hand,
Much to be done and more to be planned;
But side by side went heart and will,
And point to that days achievement still.
oh, the wondrous hope, and the courage strong,
Left in the trail of that one swift song
That came in the chill of the spring to start
A summer of joy in the heart of my heart!
-Hdrpef'S Bdznr.
St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1882-05-13
HUMOROUS.

When Danae saw Jupiter descend
ing in a shower of gold, she simply re-
marked: "The rain is ore. ''-Boston
transcript.
Sunset Cox calls this the s'locomo-
tive aee.' True. and how it does blow
off steam when some of its sons get to
yaporizing. Buffalo E1press.
"A mother advised her daughter
who was going to a party, to oil her
hair. and tainted away when that cam
did damsel replied 'Oh, no, ma; it is
SO apt to spoil the gentlemen's vests"
Congress has bill to punish per-
sons who use profane language in any
post-office. If the postmaster is any
sort of man he will step out on the
street to be talked to.-Detrott FREQ
Press.
-"What pretty children, and how
much they look alike" says c during
first visit at a friends house. ''They
are twins" his friend explains. "What.
both of 'em?' exclaims G, greatly In.
terested.
1.-THE number of bones in man."
we are told, "is 240." just after par
taking of shad breakfast the number
may be increased to 250-if the man
doesn't choke to death on the fourth
bone.-Hawkeye.
An Irishman twin brother to the
one who swore "By the powers, he'd
never go into the water till he could
swim'') once putting on new pair of
boots, remarked: "Sure and sartin, I'll
never be able to git on these infarnal
boots till I've worn 'em at laist a
wake"
1.-THE illuminated buoy is wonder
full invention" read old Mrs. Pinaphor
in her daily paper. SWELL" she OBJ
served, Il should think he would be.
And it is an excellent idea, too; for it
the boy is Illuminated his mother will
have less trouble finding him after
dark"
This is the young cotton specu-
lator. He is wearing Grape on his hat.
None of his relatives are dead. Why
then does he wear Grape on his hat?
Because he got in front OF the cotton
market while it was loaded. Did the
market 90 off? Yes, the market went
off.-WaJ.
Deacon Jones was happy indeed
when he was told that his daughters.
the dear girls, had gone to the revival.
Their mother didn't tell him that it was
a revival of "Pinafore. Possibly she
didn't think it necessary. He was
happy and the girls were happy; there
fore, why say more?-Bosto7 Tram
scriDt.
St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1882-05-13
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

Rev. Edward Everett Hale is lectur-
ing on "The English Generals in the
American Revolution"
The New York Herald says that
John c. Fremont and his wife are the
aandsomest old couple in that city.
Colonel Rockwelrs daughter Lulu
is reported engaged to marry Harry
Garfield, son of the late President.
Mr.. Charles l.. Williams has been
postmaster at Naccochee, Ga, for fifty
one years, and has never been too i'll
during the time to make out his month
ly report.
A popular Presbyterian clergyman
of Pittsburgh, Pa, the Rev. Mr.. Done
hoo says that a decent Sunday paper
is a necessity to an intellectual COM
munity.-N. 7. Post.
President Folks grave is in the
yard of the house at Nashville, called
POLK Place." and his widow has kept
his sleeping-room, his books and writ
ing materials in order, just as he left
them, with her own hands.
Prof. J. J. Sylvester, of Johns Hop
kins University, and a grave man OF
science, whom the late Prof. Pierce pro-
nounced to be the best mathematician
in the country, is now discovered to be
a poet of not little ability.
The wife of Sergeant Mason is de-
scribed as rather tall and slender, be-
tween twenty-five and thirty years OF
age, with dark hair, blue eyes, and with
gentle and modest air. She is not
handsome, but has a very pleasant face.
Saws Governor Cullom, of Illinois:
Il have been made poor in public life.
When first entered as a Congressman, (
was, for young man, considered we'll
off. Had been close and lived like a hog,
l might be in good shape now tinan-
cially.'
Sir Sydney Waterloo, Member of
Parliament for Gravesend and formerly
Lord Mayor of London, was married at
the British embassy in Paris recently to
Miss Hamilton, OF San Francisco. The
Napa City, Cal, OBLIGATED.
The Long Island Historical Society
has received from George /. Seney, of
Brooklyn, two great works, which have
an additional claim to interest because
presented by Louis Philippe to Mr..
Standish Standish. One is the Cab
met du Roi," forty-seyen volumes, folio;
the other Taylor and Nodier' Voyages
Pittoresques ct Romantiques de l An
cienne France twenty-seven volumes
folio. The cost of these is said to have
been $4,000.
Mr.. Longfellow's titles were Master
of Arts, from Bowdoin; Doctor of Laws,
Harvard, 1859; Cambridge, England,
1868; and Bowdoin, 1871; Doctor of
Common Law, Oxford, 1869. He was
Professor of French, Spanish, Italian and
German, aswell as Librarian in Bowdoin;
in Harvard he was Professor of Spanish,
French, Bellies Lettres; he was men,
Der of the American Antiquarian and of
the Maine and Massachusetts Historical
Societies; a member of the Historical
and Geographical Society of Brazil; q
member of the Royal Spanish Academy
at Madrid, and member of the Acade
my of Science at St. Petersburs.-Cbi-
cago Tribune.
St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1882-05-13

.-Elkanah P. Stedman, of Cincinnati,
heard that his daughter had appeared
in a charity entertainment at Leomin-
ster, Mass, dressed in male costume.
In his will, recently admitted to pro-
bate, is found the following clause: 81
have heretofore intrusted to her larger
share of my property than prudence JUS
tilted. I shall not leave her anything.
l heard she appeared before promis-
cuous assemblies dressed in mems
clothing to excite the admiration Of the
audience, trying to raise money to pay
church debt. | cannot devote any more
to such purposes. ''-IoUa State Register.
The Atlanta Constitution urges the
circulation of cents in the South, that
section at present being too proud to
handle anything less than a nickel.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-07-08

The letter of June 9Th, 1882, to
Judge Hoge, and since published in
several newspapers, alludes to an ed
itorial in this paper, thus involving
necessarily upon our part the duty to
notice both the call and his reply.
We stated, subsequently to that ed
itorial, the basis of our assumption,
that Judge Hoge's name would not
be before the Convention, viz: the as
sertion of the Judge himself to that
effect, made at the time, and reported
to us by those who heard it. The
Judge does now deny that at Fair
mont, and before the nomination was
conferred, he expressed a willingness
not to claim for himself a renomina-
tion," in 1882. He now explains
this concession by asserting that "no
man, whatever be his pretences has a
right to claim that distinction.
Does the Judge mean by this to deny
that he made any concession whatev-
er at Fairmont, except the relinquish
ment of an imaginary fright" which
he now says had no existence, and
which no one but an idiot would ever
suppose to exist? If he made no
substantial concession, why not plant
himself upon that position fairly and
squarely without equivocation? If,
on the other hand, there was not an
illusory and imaginary concession on
Judge Hoge's part, but real and sub
santial one, why not give it correctly
and fully, and let the people judge for
themselves Of its character and OBJ
ligatory force? Why "palter in q
double sense" and claim the power
Of self-absolution from all conces-
sions,or promises, however solemnly
made, or entered into?
A Washington correspondent of the
Wheeling Register, sometime since,
in a communication which Judge
Hoge must have seen, stated not only
that there was substantial promise,
but that the same was reduced to wri-
ting at Judge Hoge's request, by gen
tleman Of unimpeachable honor, and
unassailable integrity. Does Judge
Hoge deny this? Does he, or will he,
deny that he has said, over his own
signature, that he has implicit conf
dence in that gentleman and would
abide that written memorandum?
An explanation is in order, and we
await developments Spirt of JEFF
ferSon.