davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
A MATTER OF BUSINESS.

You were out late last hight. dear
snid Mrs. Breezy, taking her seat at the
breakfast table and fumbling rervously
with her fork.
"Oh, no, said Mr.. Breezy, lit wasn't
late, You see. darling, you were asleep
when came in"
"No, Mr.. Breezy, was not asleep, but
as you ssy it was not late. Nothing will
col vince you that the clock strnck three
as you closed the ball door OF course
business detained you, my dear. 1t is
wonderful how much business man will
fiud to transact after midnight, but of
course we women know nothing about
such things, We never can understand
you men, can we dear2 We are always
imagining all sorts of horrible things
when you Lappen to stay away day or
two without sending us line. Won en-
are SO nervous, are they not, dearI What
silly creatures we are. to be sure. If we
would only go to bed and go to sleep it
"Ouiu Save uo WIN VI tiOuolo WOuiu-
ut il? We might know fiat you great,
strong men Gnu take care of yourselves.
If you are obliged TO sit up until two or
three O'Clock in the morning talking busi-
ness witt your customers, it is really un-
grateful in us to complain, for of course
you have the worst of it, don't you dar-
! ling2 How it must have bothered you
and how tired you must get, and think it
il all for our sakes, When you come
tottering home SO tired that you can
hardly get up stairs, and throw yourself
on the bed without even the strength to
remove your boots, we should appreciate
your devotion in thus laboring to sup
port us. Now. last night, dear, when
you stumbled over the rocking chair aud
found yourself obliged to cling to the
head board to support your weary form.
you presented really sad example Of the
overworked husband and father. When
your shattered nerves caused you to up
set my fresh bottle of cologne and scat
tered the contents of my work basket
over the floor, you really looked the typi.
cal martyr of married life. OF course
you do not remenberit, dear. You were
too tired and worn out with that horrd
customer to RENE mber anything"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
THE DEAF WITNESS.


The recent proceedings in the Police
Court in San Francisco we're eplivened
by an intellectual contest between q wit
ness, who claimed to be deaf, and one of
the most experienced legal liant rms that
aided the court in each search for justice.
"You are deaf. are you2' shouted the
attorney.
"Yes, sir" answered the witness.
Cant hear at allH" continued the at
torney, casting Lis wtll-knoND see-me-
catch-him-look upon the prosecuting at
torney.
Il can hear little," replied the wit
ness. ...
Can You hear q watch ticA1' asked the
lawyer, In lower tone.
II can, when 1 hold 1t close to my
ear, came the answer.
Thereupon the legal gentleman took a
ponderuus six ounce silver time engine
from his fob, and handing it to the wit.
ness. directed him to hold it to bis ear.
do You hear It tick7" came the ques-
lion in tone little louder than the orr
dinary.
mo, sir, promptly responded the wit
ness.
Cant hear 1t at all2" persisted the
lawyer, speaking almost In an undertone.
II cannot sir, promptly answered the
witness.
The lawyers face began to shine like
Solomon's Temple in sunset, as he
reached for his watch, remarking to the
witness, 'but you can understand me
quite readily, can youf"
whats that si,7' gasped the witness
suddenly recovering himself.
Your Honor" said the lawyer, "it is
evident that this man can hear well. He
is imposing on the court"
The lawyer was about to return his
watch to his pocket, having previously
opened it 10 note the time, when be sud-
denly started. FTe held his watch to his
ear, looked at it, and shook it.
"Your Honor" be remarked, with an
apologotic glance at the witness, Il was
mistaken: the man is deaf. My watch
has stopped because it is not wound"
A few moments later the examination
OF the witness was taken up by the attor-
ney, who almost burst his diaphragm in
his efforts to make himself unc erstood 'y
the now consistently deaf Nltness.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
HoW MANY.


How many apples did Adam and Eve
eat? Some say Eve and Adam 2, a to-
tai of 10 only. Now we figure the thing
out differently. Eve and Adam also
total. 16.
We think the above figures entirely
wrong. II Eve s, aud Adam 30, certain
ly the toiql will be 90. Scientific men
however, on the strength of the theory
that the Antediluvians were race OF
giants, reason something like this: Eve
8 l and Adam ., the total 1863. Wrong
again. What could be clearer than il
Eve 8 ! aud Adam 3 IL, the total was
500.
If Eve 8 LIST, and Adam 81 2, would
not the total be 1923?
Hrrry B. Hudson says Eve 8 VA Adam,
and Adam 2 4 Evei together they got
away With s,93s.
But II. Q. Strong says if Eve 4
Adam, Adam s12, AZ obligo Eve; total
80, ,056
We Think this however. not sufficient
quantity. for, though we admit that Eve
81 Adam, Adam, il be SO2S12, 4 to
keep Eve company; total, so, 2S2 O56.
AL wrong Evs, when she s I, s
many, and probably f,lt sorry Tor it, but
her companion, in order to reliey- her
sorrow, BIZ. Therefore, Adam If Eo
81, ,sl42 40 fy Ewes oppressed spirit,
II nee. both ate 81, 500, s6i apples. --rhe
Owl.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
THE LAST FAREWELL.
BY n. b. HARRoP.

Farewell TO love, farewell to home,
bid ye both last good night; m
Soon speeds my bark across the foam,
Soon will ye both be lost to sight.
For must seek foreign strand,
Perchance another home to fndj
But in my own, my native land,
leave my hearts best love behind,
For though | roam from pole to zone,
Aud wander DER the waters wide,
My heart will cling to her alone
Whom once hoped TO call my bride.
Whom once | hopelR o bitter word,
That speaks of hopes derayed and dead
ofpictured pleasures blotched and blurred,
or saddened heart and aching head.
Whom once | hoped ? Oh, speak il not,
Nor rend the broken heart again,
To that sad thought the present lot
Owes all its blackness, oil its pain.
Cease, Memory, cease thy saddening
sway -...
Thou art at best doubtful good;
And let the dead past haste away
Into "the years beyond the Flood"
For would sing happier strain,
And bid my love cook bye in peace
For now we ne'er may meet again, ,.,
All bitter thoughts at least should cease
If e'er wronged her, she'll forgive,
In memory of the love I bore,
Nor let fancied slight still live
10 rankle in her bosom's core.
And though 10 me she was kind, De-.
Though all my hopes she dashed away
Yet shall her image In my mind
Shine bright as on the happlest day,
No change Of home, no change of scene,
SHALL that bright image ere deface,
Or still the thought of what has been,
Or from my heart my love erase.
Then farewell, love, and farewell, home,
bid ye both last good night
Soon speeds my bark athwart the foam,
Soon will ye both be lost to sight.
Perchance upon foreign strand
ANOTHER home yet may find
But in my own, my native land,
leave my hearts best love behind.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
THIS Is A SOCIETY ITEM.

Two young men went to Henderson to
sec the Misses Jones, two estimsbls
young ladies. A colored girl come to the
door, and the following conversation
took place;
Are the Misses Jones inf"
"Yes, Mrs. Jones am in. Does you
want to soc herr"
"No, We want to see Misses Jones"
Mrs. JOueS-dat's what l said"
"we want to spe the Misses Jones'
can't you understand"
"Course kin. De Mrs. Jones nm de
old lady. OATS de only Missus in dis
heah house
"Coniound it, we want to see the old
lady's daughters"
"Oh, de Misses Jonesesl Why didn'.
you say SO? l reckon you'se bof drunk
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
DIAMOND
CATARRH
REMEDY,

A Positive Cure for Catarrh OF all
Kinda. IL Is instantaneous in fleet
AID Permanent in Result. Cures at any
Stage OF the disease Has cured cases SO tel rible
that bones came from the nose.
DIR. Evnry's Diamond Caiarrh u em-
edy is mid and easant, affortling m mm diate
R"iietand prompt cure In all cases utCatarrh,
Influenza, Hay Fever, bronchitis.
IL VIII remove Polypus and eifeCtually cure
WAiery and Purlllcnt Discharges from the Head
and Throat, and Fuetid, Slckenug Breath: per-
fectly restore impai ed Smell Taste and Hearing;
relieve Headache, Break up Colds in the Head
strengthen the Voice and Eyes; Purify, Regulate
and Render Clear and Active every Organ OF the
Head and Throat. Price, so cents.
Dr. Evory's Diamond InvIgorator is
q Perfect HOOD Purifier, Appetizer and
Nerve Tonic. 1t makes n delightful, whole
tome DIR Es, which 1nvigOrates Purines
and Strengthens the enlire system.
For Gene al u. bility, Dyspepsia, Biousness
TORPID Liver, lndi2estl' n, Neuralgia and Rheu-
matte Affections, Janndice, Malaria, Flatulency,
Nausea, Sick Headache and Kidney Complaints ,
II Is invaluable. Price, so cents.
DIR. Evory's Diamond Salve is n sover-
eirn cure lOr Burns, Bruises. Sores of all kinds,
salt Rheum, Tetier, kingwOrm aud Cutaneous
Eruptions. Price, rs cents.
Ask your Druggist for these remed-
les and take no oiheri or Will be sent
Free on receipt OfPrice.
Descriptive Pamphlets Free. t.
Address Dr. Evory's Diamond Remedies Co.,
P, o. Box $500. lO4 John Street, New York.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

"A young man who had Parted with
his girl, burnt up all her love letters few
days ago, and was surprised to find that
the chimney wouldn't draw. Upon as
cending to the roof be .ound that It was
covered with thick covering of taffy.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

Mrs c. whipple, S7i croghan street, pro-
senis these facts For six years had suf-
Tered beyond all expression with SciatIc
Rheumatism and tnsd every known rent
edy, but all to no purpose. Al last saw
in the Free Press an advertisement Of the
walk without limpiDg and sleep fires from
any pain.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
VOL. x, No l6.
Railroad Guide.
DHfLA. q READING RAILROAD.
Arrangement Of Passenger Trains.

JANUARY 22D iss7.
Trains leave sALLENTowN as tollowst-
WA PERKIoMKN RAnRoApl.
For Philadelphia, at -4.3,, o4S, ii.4o. am. and
SUNDAYS.
For Philadelphia at t4.so a. m.,e,sS p. m.
WA EAsr PENEA. BRAKcn.l
For Reading and Harrisburg, 600, 800 M,
i2.I5. 4.3O ard 905 p. m.
For Lancaster and Co olunbiu, coo. eoo Am. and
SUNDAYS.
For Reading, Harrisburg, and way po nts' s'S
o. m.
Trains FOR ALLENTowN leave as follows,
WA PERKIoMEN RAILnoAp.l
Leave Philadelphia. TAO q. m. and l.oc' fl.so
'A" 0''' D. SUNDAYS.
Leave Philadelphia, 500 a. M, s.it aud '+2o
WA EAST JENNA. BRANCHl
Lcavo Reading,7So. 1880 q. m. 400. aS'.snd e.s
Leave Harrisburg $40 SIS and $50. a. M. L45
Leave Lancaster. t75O a. m 100 and 70. 10 p. m.
Leava Columbia $50 n. m. ITO and $50 p. IN.
tFrom nR treet Depot.
SUNDAYS.
Leave tteading. 7.so n. m.
Leave Harrisburg. $40 am.
Trains via "Perkiomen Route" marked thus
(al run o and from Depot, Ninth and Green
streets. Philadelphia, other trans to and from
Broad street Depot
The t4aa and {. As a I'm trains from A Allentown,
delphIa via Per xiomen Rnilrosd have through
cars to and from Philac elphia.
J.E. wooTrEN.
CO HANCOCK. Cent Pass. & Tekst A0snt
November 9Th.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

"A sleeper is one who sleeps a sleep
er is also a place where sleeper can
sleepi and a sleeper is. too. thing over
which ruus the sleeper in which the
sleeper Sleers; so that the sleeper in the
sleeper sleeps while the sleeper runs on
as well as sometimes leaps OF the track.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

-"May Heaven preserve your eye-
sightT' said beggar woman to man
with small nose who had just given her
II gratuity. "why2" he asked. "Be-
cause, said she, you've no nose to hold
your spectacles."
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

The milk train does not stop at whey
stations. Except to take water.
ANY coward can commit suicide-it
takes a brave man to live on and face
trouble.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

The man who "breathed his last"
must have been shoemaker.
The land speculator is always really
to show the sites to his customers.
The young man who runs after
sherry cobbler will never get his shoes
mended.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

ALI things seem easy to the man who
has never tried to do anything.
The only way to make boy sit still
is to tell him not to stop sqnirming.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

When man owes debt and refuses
to pay more tban halt of it, he calls the
arrangement compromise with his cred
tiers. The creditors eAn it swinolr.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

joy is the fe.hug that you are better
OF than your neighbor
A man who knows good deal about
the ills OF life The doctor.
A new, item, states that man died
suddenly just after signing the temper
ace pledge. Tbs moral Of this Is not in
favor of the ~l,isky Il merely
shows thai the m@u should have signed
tie pleaga when he was boy.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

We like to see a man 80 regular in
his habits that getting up half an hour
earlier than common 10 bail water out of
the cellar will make him sick.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

The price Of a 2-yosr oh tame bear
in Michigan is only $40; and they are
source Of great j'y in family aita su-
psThlous small children.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
Throw physio to the Dogs, I'll Nome Of II"

THU" NJ 11V 70 11lO -7Vb v = n 1FV11V VI -
We do not feel like blaming Macbeth for
this expression oi disgust. Even nowadays
most Of the cathartics are great repulsive
pills, enough to ''turn ones stomach" Had
Msobcth ever taken DR.. Pierce's "Pureativs
Pellets" he would not have uttered those
words Of contempt. By druggists.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

"Golden Medical Discovery" (words reg
istered as ade-mark) cures all humors
from the pimple or eruption TO great viru-
lent eating ulcers.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

--0verworked men and women, persons
of sedentsry habits, and Others whose sys-
tenn needs regeneration, are often cured by
Browns Iron Bitters.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

The "Favorite Prescription" OF DR.. Pierce
cures "iemaie weakness" and kindred af-
lections. By druggists.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11

The reason why women everywhere use
Parker's Ginger Tonic is, because they have
learned by experience-the best guide
that this excellent medicine overcomes des-
pondency, periodical headache, indigestion, +,
pain in the back and kidneys, and other
troubles of the sex.-Home Jouynai.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
SEPT. l4th, 1850.

sept, I4IhJ 1851.
HoP BiTrERs Co., ToRoSToi
have been sick for the past six years, ,suf-
fering from dyspepsia and general weakness.
have used three bottles OF Hop Biters,and
they have done wonders for me. am we'll
and able tn work, and eat and sleep we'll.
cannot say too much for Hop Bltters.
Simon Robbins.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
Guard Against Disease.

II you find yourself getting bilious, head
disprdered, symptoms al piles tormentng
you, take al once few doses Of Kidney
Wort. Ii IS natafs's great assistant. Use
itns an Advance gudrd-dont wait to get
down sick, See ad.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1882-03-11
A wator.spout-A temperapcs ora

A water-spout-A temperance ora
tion.
"A soat like many people, a1ways puts
in many 'bu.s."
The fellow who was much struck by
a young lady wanted to return kiss for
q blow.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-26
Miami Leader.

Mr.. Murray's success, in view of all
the surroundings, is, perhaps. the
most remarkable thing connected with
the Ohio election. In q district gef-
rymandered to make it surely Repub-
lican; running against a candidate
possessing abundant financial means
and who did not hesitate to use them
anywhere and everywhere; with the
army of Government office -holde:s
working for the 'sgrand old party; ~
with patronage, assessment money
and the machine against him !; with a
nominal majority Of 1,4OO against
hin.; all these things were overcome
by Mr.. Murray. Well may he feel
proud of the victory he won. 1t is
an honor and a credit which will last
so long as he lives, and longer. And
he can reflect with pleasure upon the
fact that not one dollar was used to
influence, either directly IL indirect
ly, the vote of any man in the district.
His campaign was conducted with
barely enough money to pay his tray
cling expenses from one township to
another. Grease" or "soap," as the
Republican President of the United
States gleefully terms corruption
money, was not dropped" in every
township, or in any township. AS
we said last week, Mr.. Murray was a
candidate upon his merits; and the
result shows that money can no long
err bry power and place for the Re
publican party. II. NJ. Murray has
boundless reasons for feeling an hon
est pride over his remarkable victory.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-26
philadelphia Times.l

The lesson of Ohio is the lesson OF
irresistible Republican disintegra-
ton. 1t is not a change of Republic
can convictions TO Democratic con-
victions, but it is the final outbreak
of Stalwart dissolution. 1t is the
death knell of the Stalwart spoils sys-
tenn, and it presents the grave problem
whether Republicanism can now re-
generate itself and renew its power
and grandeur. 1t is idle 10 say that
the German vote or the license ques-
ton or any other local or accidental
issue has wrought the revolution
Parties can't be disintegrated and de-
feated by local questions, while they
are strong in. integrity and patriotic
in purpose. 1t was not Know-Noth
ingism or the Kansas issue that de-
feated Democracy more than q score
of years ago. 1t was Democratic cor
ruption and generalization hat en-
abled every question at that time to
distract and disintegrate it. l: was
unequal to its regeneration, and
it Tell hopelessly in the race. 1t is SO
with Repubiicanism now, and Ohio
simply starts the tide of Republican
defeat that will sweep over Pennsyl.
vania, New York, New Jersey, Con-
necticut, while Indiana and Illinois
may be greatly bent if not broken in
the storm.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-26
1t

In an article of considerable length
taken from the Columbus Times, we
make the following quotations as to
what the triumph of the Democracy
in this State means:
cit means first, and above all, that
the enfranchised citizens of the
State, have reached a point in intel
ligence when no man, or combina-
ton of men, can hold them in lead
ing strings; when they cannot be
hoodwinked, wheeled or drove, into
the support of obnoxious and unjust
measures, simply because a party
leader concludes that such q policy
will rebound to his personal gain.
at means that no man in Ohio is
great enough to take upon himself
the responsibility of asserting that
the voting population of the State
are puppets, to be moved at the
twisting of a politicians will. 1t
mean that when he undertakes the
task, he will be rebuked, even
though it brings political annihila,
tinn.
sit means that the people are not
set ready to subscribe to the doc
trine that one class of citizens in
herits the right to establish a super
vision over the personal habits of
another class, and that, here in Ohio
at least. American liberty means all
the liberty it is possible for a human
being to possess, that does not in
fringe upon or interfere with the
rights of another. 1t does not mean
the triumph of Free beer and no
Sunday" as the Republican war cry
of the campaign would indicate-for
no party faction or clique have ask
ed that-but it does mean the recog-
milton of the fact that the traffic in
liquor is to be permitted under prop
er legal restraint, and that it is
amenable to the law only as every
other business is.
1T means that the people are tired
alike Of fanaticism, of bossism and
of corruption, and that their dissat.
isfaction has taken the form of ac-
ton.
at means that if this falls victory
is properly utilized, a national tri.
umph is awaiting the Democracy in
1884; it means 4 better and a bright
er day for the people of the State of
Ohio, and that establishment of a
purer order of things which a only
come to Il people who are not bound
hand and foot by an Interchangeable
party majority"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-26
The Congressional Delegation

The following is a correct list OF
the Congressman elected in this
State on the 10th inst. It win be
coon that, Damoorots hove eloc,od
~
'oof'een ou' Vi 'ne LUIS
is good enough for all practical purl
poses in view of the fact that the
Republicans gerrymandered the
state in s,cb . manner thai, tbov
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-26
Dayton Democrat.

The Republican press attributes the
cyclone TO the Germans and the Pro-
hibitionists. The Republicans ought
not 10 grumble about it.. They kick
ed the Germans out of the party on
the greundthat they We're not good
enough TO stay. They ought not to
complain of the Prohibitionists, for
they stood in this camp ign where
they have evcr stood, consistently for
prohibition. The Republicans, had
they been sincere in their temperance
professions, would have voted the
Prohibition ticket and have had no
reason then 10 talk ofdivided strength.
On the ground ofpriori.y in the tenn
perance cause, the Prohibitionists
have reason to complain of the Re
publicans not C. ming TO them. The
truth is the Republicans were not af-
ter temperance reform as they pre-
tended, but simply resorted to that
dodge 10 secure political power. Had
they been sincere they would have
voted the Prohibition ticket. 1t is
time for the Republican press TO stop
Inning about the Prohibition vote.
Prohibiiionists were under no obi.
CATION 10 vote the Republican ticket.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-26
New York Sun.

Would you know the meaning of
the political revolution which struck
its first blow in Ohio three days ago,
and will sweep through Pennsylvania
and New York three weeks from next
Tuesday?
1t means these four things:
1. Reduce the expenses of every
branch Of the Federal Government &c
"a basis OF simplicity, economy, and
honestly
IL. Abolish the internal revenue
abomination!
Ill Make the tariff simple and ra
%tional, and just sufficient 10 provide
for the wants of all honest and eco
Inomical Administration in time 0
peace!
w. Nc stealing, either by the AID
ministration and its agents, or by Con
gress and it's employees!
This is the meaning and the pur
pose of this mighty overturn.
Is the Democracy wise enough ant
highminded enough to execute thi
pcrcmptory mandate with fidelity ant
courage? We shall see. The occasion
is great. And we are happy to add
the future is hopeful.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-26

The Daily California Democrat,
the principal German paper of the
Pacific coast and for years a staunch
supporter of Republican principles,
has repudiated the Republican State
ticket. 1t compares California to
Ohio in the matter of prohibition
measures and Sunday lazy. and asks
why the Republican parties in these
sStatesAatteaPt TO pt~aceStarTiers IN
.hc way of the German element, un.
less it Fas their pure and blindh att
to foreign born citizens.