Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1882-04-01
VCfIITA FI2EETE PT2FESe-TFIF ID JOURNAL.
atirsiuia FIRE geess.
UTTTISCISSORS.

And when saw her mouth knew
The maid was f7om Chicago.
But later on as she approached
In sturdy r,ituato u.s.
saw her feet and knew that -hO
Was raised down ia st. Louis.
A criminal seldom SITS down to take aT-
rest.
Where there's will there's apt to be q
contest
The tailor measures his customers when
ever he takes 10.
An. me, sighed pawubrokcss wife,
"wbata loal-sum life We lead"
Philadelphia has an artist named Sword.
When Syears Of age he was only little
bowie.
of coarse Rr.h wanted beau, but no
one has ever been able to determine Why
she chose such B3lz she did.
If the best mans faults were written on
his forehead, 70 would make him pull his
hatoyer his eyes.
AH,d, boy was asked the other day if he
knew whcr- thc wicked finally went TO-.
lie answered They practice law a spell
here and then 90 Co che legislature.
Wan,ei-amodaruyouns lady's forehead
The editor not having seen one tor several
years. is willing 90 pay "a tair price for a
glimpse Of the genuine article. 40 banged
or otherwise mutilatcd specimens wanted.
are them all Bibles o" asked man 1he
other day, in the probate office. pointing to
the big bound volumes of wills. No.
sir" answered the clerks those are Es-
irwcat :"
Somebody las figured ont that Wander
bi.t's income would allow him 20, in one
day. visit 5000 circuses, eat 10000 rints Of
peanuts. and drink 5000 glasses of lemon
aic.
8Iea may be divided INTO two classes
Touch the pocket of q representative Of the
first Of those aud YOU reach his heart; touch
the hear, OF one belonging 20 the other class
and YOU reach his pocket.
VIII some one who is ycrsed in the sci
ence of sound pIea,e.gc' Up and explain
why q hotel waiter. who can't hear the call
Of a hungry man two feet and half away,
can hear the jingle Of quarter cicarac'ose
dining-room?
Never leave what YOU undertake until
you can reach Your arms around it and
ciinch your hands ou the other side, says
recently published book fox young men.
Most excellent advice; bat what if she
screams s-Er.
Norc than 5000 women axe employed in
the railway offices of Austria. This eN-
plains why Austrian railroads axe so slow.
Frequently, when a tram is behind time
there isn't man about The office 20 swcog
a0outit
A United States legislator is actively adj
,oca'inca bin requiring the uame of ia,
physician who attended the deceased, TO D,
engraved on the tombstone. The conster-
nation tii- causes in medical ci,clcs may b,
imagined
"Thc bees ar, swarming. and there's n.
end 90 them" said Farmer Jones coming
into thchoUsc. His little 10Y. George, cam,
in second aftcrwarj and said ,here was AN
end Co one IF 'cm, amy how. and it was red
bot, too.
Anigaorau- bous,.aaid vino lad 90 cali
gentleman To- dinner. found him engaged
in using q tooth-lru~b. well, is he cone
ing said ,be lady OF the house. when tn,
servant returned. Yes, ms'am, directly.
he's jus, sharpening his teeth
"Amcutha." he murmurca, with pathos
in his voice, why do You CULVER at my
touch. Why doyou shrink from my em.
brace as the startled favn trcmble> at the
ru,,lng OF the autumn leaves CIV,
been yacciaa,od, She -ljl
This IS the -raDdc>t migh,i,,.. most glo-
ros, republic tla. c,,r blessed che world
and So, with ai 20. power and learning
and greatness. it csa't make au iuiuiatc.
woman stop iu the middle ofa sentence aao
listen CD $3.50 explanation.
During the winter just gone, lady noe
ticcd q boy >rruk.n- -a,t oa the pavemcu
totxc OBJ the i,., and remarked 60 a;ricat
pointing .otlc >a.,.
Vow that, 1ou.,olcace'
'Noi,isu'tr -sii che boy Indignantly