The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-05-23
ANXIOUS INQUIRERs.
They Come With Their Wants to
the Bazoo, Seeking Help
and Advice.

The BAzOo has received so many letters
during the past week, asking its advice and
opinions on so many different matters, that
it has concluded to open up a department
to be known as the anxious seat" where
troubled subscribers can come with all
their wants aud freely pour out their
grievances.
This arrangement will afford a fine
opportunity Tor perturbed souls to obtain
such information or assistance as thev may
need, and at the same time be the means
of opening up communications between
love smitten maidens and bald headed
bachelors.
An Ohio street merchant thus writes
EDTTOT BAZOO. | want to marry; am a
widOwer, OF the straight kind; have no
children; am doing a good business am
tbirty-fve years OF age, republican and a
Methodist. | desire as wife bru-
nett, OF fine figure and graceful
manners, who can play the piano and do
good cooking. She must be OF a vivacious
temperament, but docile and meek as
Martha. Money no object. She must be
OF pious parentage and strong believer
i'm the doctrine of future rewards and pun
ishments. Any lady, meeting the above
can address. i'm all confidence,
T., care of BAzoO office.
The gentleman should find no trouble in
securing the wife he wants, as Sedalia is
full of just such damsels.
EDITOR BAzoO: Is it right and proper
for married lady to accompany an I'M
married travelling man to a restaurant i'm
the evening and eat ice cream with him?
Oh, yes III the old man, who is known
as her husband, don't set up the cream,
il is her duty to ''catch on" to the waist
have ice cream by all means.
FIFTH STREET, Nav 20.
EDITOR BAzoo: Will you please insert
the following cure in the BAzoo for TIE
benefit of Mr.. -, and his neighbOr, Mrs
-, both residents of this street, and all
Others who may he troubled with that
terrible disorder of the mouth, known as
CAB. They will find it splendid cure for
Take of good nature" one ounce,
of herb called by the Indians, "mind your
own business" one ounce, mix this with a
little charity for others" add two or three
sprigs of "keep your tongue between your
teeth" simmer them together in vessel
called "circumspection" for short time,
and the mixture will be ready for use. The
symptoms are violent itching of the roof of
the mouth and along the point of the
tongue, which invariably takes place when
the sufferer is in company of animals called
''gossips." When the patients feel INT OF
the disorder coming on let them take a
of the mixture, hold it In their
they will keep closely shut
until they reach homeland they will find
it complete cure. Should they apprehend
a relapse let them keep a small bo,tieful
about, and on the slightest symptoms,
repeat the dose. A SUBSCRIBER.
If the bove medicine was properly placed
ON the market, it would doubtless command
a large trade in cities and counties adjoin-
ing this.
EDITOR BAzoo: How long does mar
ried woman have to 60 with dashing and
single young men, while her husband is
closely confined to his business, before she
laws herself liable to be talked about?
OLD MAID.
Can't say. Judging from observation
and hearsay, such a woman soon affords a
very toothsome morsel for scandal masti-
Gators.
EDITOR BAzoo I have a lover and we
are engaged, but he is poor and by making
me his wife he would not add cent to his
finances. He gets salary of fifty dollars
a month; can We afford to marry on that
sum? HELEN.
You can. Just consider how much ii
costs that lover to keep up the expenses of
a single life. But then, in your dear in
nocence. you know nothing of these things
Ii you are both economical and not giddv-
headed apers of the rich, you need have
no fear OF successfully weathering the gales
Of double life. BY all means marry, and
send us large slice OF the wedding cake.