The Portland daily press., 1882-09-22
Wit and Wisdom.

Wit and Wisdom.
Historical: What Adam said on beholding
the first sunrise: go west, my sun, 20 westI''
New York Post.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate as a Nerve
Food.
Dr. j. W. Smith, Wellington, O., saws: 1T
have used it advantageously in impaired ner
vous supply
The latest kilograms from Corea state that
the uncle of the king has seized the throne. It's
eola DAY, even in Corea, when pawnbroker
gets left.-St. Louis Post-DispaIch.
The President, Supreme Court Judges and
Members of Congress use German Corn Re-
mover. 25c
The sting of bee is only one thirty-second
of an inch long. 1t is only your imagination
that makes it seem as long as hoe-handle-
Exchange.
Constitutional skin diseases of scorbutic
character are successfully treated with DIR.
Benson's Skin Cure, internal and external
treatment, both pleasant 1t certainly re-
moves scrofula, eruptions, dandruff and tan,
and makes the skin smooth and healthy.
1t is proposed to change the name of Paoli
station on the Pennsylvania railroad to ssDyf-
ryn Mawr." We shouyld lyke to heawr con-
ductwr cawll ouft the new name, ffrynstynce.
-Norristown Herald.
s'Why suffer longer?" These are the words
spoken but day or two since, by one who for
years had passed sleepless nights, and who
CHANGED to meet friend similarly afflicted.
Hops and Malt Bitters has completely restor-
ed me-"
What methodical fellow you are, Brown
said Filkins who had stepped into Browns
office during the latter's absence "Why,
what do you mean?" asked Brown, who had
just entered. "Mean?'' echoed Filkins; "to
think that you should lock all your drawers up
when you are only out for five minutes!
'Tisn't likely that anybody would NEEDLE with
your papers," "Of course not" replied Brown;
but how did you find out that the drawers
were locked?'-Boston Transcript.
Constipation, liver and kidney diseases are
cured by Browns Iron Bitters, which enriches
the blood and strengthens the whole system.
Women who enamel are now satirically said
to belong to the great tribe of the Pale Faces. =
New York Mail & Express.
BLOOD food" is the suggestive name often
given to Ayers Sarsaparllla, because of its
blood enriching qualities.
Science teaches us that the whale is really
not fish. Yet some of the most frightful lies
on record have been told about whales.-Som-
erville Journal.
Wheat Bttters will strengthen you and assist
nature in removing every symptom of disease.
Try them at once. Sold by all druggists.
A young lady attending balls and parties
should always secure female chaperon until
she is able to call some male chap her own
Harper's Bazaar.
The woman who seeks relief from pain by
the free use of alcoholic stimulants and mar
cotic drugs, finds what she seeks only so far as
sensibility is destroyed or temporarily suspend
ed. No cure ooas eUer drought By such means
and the longer they arc employed the more
hopeless the case becomes. Leave chloral,
morphia and belladonna alone and use Mrs.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
prime crops out West,'' remarked Fogg.
EYES," chorused the boys. "Germany's wheat
crop better than was expected, France a foil
average-bounteous crops everywhere; bread
ought to be cheap enough this year." Chorus
"That's So" "But STILL continued Fogg, II
was down at the elevator this morning, and
they told me grain was continually rising"
The boys looked grain nettled, but, without
making any wry faces acknowledged the corn.
Boston Transcript.
A reliable means of Graduating local disease
of the skin, viz: Glenn's Sulphur Soap.
Hills Hair and Whisker Dye, 80 cents.
A New Haven lady refuses to permit her
daup liter to go away on a visit. Last time she
visited she came home and insisted upon eat
ing with her fork and having an extra plate
for her pie.-New Haven Register.
Wheat Bitters is a genuine pharmaceutical
preparation, and so recognized by the profess
sion.
Soon after Sir Henry Rivers took orders he
was told by friend that he would undoubted-
ly become a bishop. "Indeedl' said Sir Hen
~, '''why SOP" Because rivers invariably go
to the seas."-QuiZ.
Sprains, lameness, pains and stitches, lumba-
go or disease of the spine will be Immediately
relieved on application of Hop Plaster over
the affected parts. Its penetrative power is
very wonderful. Warranted to be the best
made.
a French lady recently died at the advanced
age of 80. Her will contained this provision:
81 leave to my physician, whose enlightened
care and wise prescriptions have made me live
so long, all that is contained in the old oaken
chest in my boudoir. The key of the chest will
be found under the mattress of my bed" The