The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-02-07
WANTED AN ICEBERG.
A DiscOnsOlate WidoWer Who De-
sired an Appropriate MOnu-
ment for His Wife.
San Francisco Post.

San Francisco Post.
The morning before the i'll -fated Jean
nette, with Captain De Long, set sail fol
the frozen north-the bourne from which
so few travellers return-the officer OF
the deck noticed peculiar tapping
sound on the ships stern, and on look.
ing over the side perceived Whitehall
boat, in which sat solemn.looking man
dressed in black, and with Grape band
around his hat. This sepulchral looking
party kept up an impatient rapping OIL
the ruider-post with his knuektes.
"What the blazes do you want2 Why
don't you come up the side ?" inquired
the officer.
because j wish to find out il this is
the right ship replied the man in black
SIS Captain De Long at home ?"
"That's my name," said that amiahlt
commander, sticking his half-shaved
head out of the port hole of the cap.
tain's cabin, rex)r in hand '.What ca;
l do for you2 ?"
"Captain," said the stranger, sinking
his voice to confidential whisper, "yol
are going up among the icshergs, ain
your"
"Why, yes. Why"
"What do you think it would cost tc
tow good, big, tall one back here OF
your return trip2 What could you af
ford to do it for2 Best terms, mind p
swell, that's COOL" said the captain
much sstonished
"Of course it is-that's just the point,
said the solemn party earnestly. "Yor
see, the fact is that / lost my wife abou
two weeks ago."
"Sorry for you," returned the explo
rer.
'sYou wouldn't say that if you were {
friend of mne," earnestly interrupted
the man in the boat "Martha was abou,
the most canlankerous, bad-iemperet
scandal-loviDg vixen ever saw.
"Then | congratulate vou."
"That's more like it," continued the
widower; "'tis, indeed Besides all
that, the late Mrs. P.-my names Piif
was decidedly fond Of tea with stick
in it; you underestimate Used to make
it just lovely for me, when she sprung q
leak. and don't you forget 1t"
"Yes, but don't see what all this--'
began the searcher for the North Pole.
81 was just going to explain" put in
Mr.. Piiff. "You see. Martha was good
bit OF a spiritualis', and when she died
she said a good deal about being my
guardian angel in the better world and
all that sort of stuff. She said she'd keep
her spirit eye on me,and if she csught me
shining round nights or galivanting
with the girls she'd haunt me-make il
blamed hot. Itbink she said."
"Well, sir, but"
"Just one minute. 1t occurred to me
at first I'd erect forty foot marble mon.
ument over Marlha's grave, as she'd left
me a good lot of bonds and things
something that would not only be grsli-
flying 10 her feelings, but would weigh
at least sixty tons and be calculated to
keep most anv womsn down. was 60
ing 10 give the order yesterday, when !
got to thinking Of some OF Mrs. P.'s lit
tie traits, and it occurred to me if the
old lady got her desserts she must have
a pretty hot time of 1t down there. |
came across a notice of your expedition
and the idea struck me like pile driver
that an iceburg was just the thing for
her monument after all. Now. marble
is all very pretty and cool to look at, but
it SENS to me that good, tall iceburg-
one that would take long time to melt
keep oozing ice-water, as it
were. around the remains in manner
calculated to keep most any departed
spirit kinder cool and contented like, no
matter what they had done. How does
it strike youW
"Well, I'm blowed," said the Arctic
investigator.
Sand so," concluded the yearner after
mental peace. 4 concluded to come right
out here and see if couldn't arrange a
bargain with you; all you'd have to do
would be to hook on to some good, solid,
reliable berg ard tow 1t right along back
with you. If it don't cost over $4,000
l wish you'd take the order, What say,
eh ?"
And it was only after the captain had
formally agreed 10 accept tile contract
that the bereaved husband concluded to
fire trade dollar through the por,-hole
to bind the bargain, and then paddle Sc
renely ashore.