The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-08-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

pCoftNNOt ohe AO AiCDiy SAfSS $500
butts.
In SANDER suit in Oregon the court
| held that ian honest man is a man who
won't steal frewood on cold night"
Is it runaway match in the insect
or animal world when you see one ant
elope with another?
Prize fights are becoming very fire.
quent. This may be called revival OF
the old style of pound parties.
mo, you don't; you must pay as you
gor' exclaimed the landlord, as he
caught an impecunious boarder trying
to skip away.
A Dutch Judge in Nebraska on con-
| viction of culprit for having four
wives, decided: HE hash punishment
plenty; Ifs NIT one!''
Sawmills were first used in Europe in
the fifteenth century. Before that,
man who swore he lost his leg in the
army was generally believed.
! We see an article in the papers about
vent boy who won't whistle on his
fingers and yell on the streets at night.
A North Carolina couple were mar
ried in diving-bell. They probably
wished to have some experience in cold
water before getting into hot water.
Home, Sweet Home" is the last
| thing played at the Presidents recep-
| tious, and when the music begins the
| guests take the hint.
| A skeleton was recently discovered in
an Arizona cave, and local cores
| ,AnIapt tbinlx- ~ Sc no of ho
United States Army.
'.Who shall decide when doctors disa-
! Creep We don't know who should,
but we know that the undertaken gen.
orally does.
"You ought not to say that the man
| sold his vote, merely on suspicion"
'Well, don't exactly allege it on sus-
picion. The fact is, paid him the
money"
defense)-''Is it myself that under
| l ought to; haven't l been twice tried
for perjury and convicted?"
1t is said that Victor Hugo's desks are
full of unpublished manuscripts. 1t is
presumed he doesn't preserve the ''re-
spectfully-declined notes which &C
company their return.
YES" said fresh arrival from Bo-
die, the other day, "the girl married
up on the lode last month is perfect
lady, sir. don't suppose I've heard
her swear real hard more'n twice this
spring"
Bedsteads with looking-glasses over
| head are things of the past. If a man
cannot tell when he wakes up without
| looking in glass to be sure of it, he is
in a condition that cannot be helped by
| furniture.
You can travel around the world in
lightweight days at an expense of eight
hundred dollars; or you can travel
around the square for nothing, and be
eight hundred dollars ahead for pa
cling horse and red cutter next winter.
An Indian clergyman delivered his
sermons in rhyme. His congregation
prefers them that way. They sleep
much sounder, and leave the church
much more refreshed, than after listen
ing to prose-y discourse.
When a stranger in San Antonio asks
the names of the leading citizens, ne is
handed a newspaper supplement con-
tanning the names of delinquent tax
payers whose property is offered for
sale.
Little Grace has been told that it was
impolite to take the last biscuit ON the
table. The other morning at breakfast
she was observed to gaze long and earn
estly at the solitary biscuit on the bread
plate. The temptation at last proved
too great, Reaching for the coveted
morsel she exclaimed: ooh, mamma,
Use almost 'tarved dess won't be
polite to-day. I'll wait till some day
when amt too hungry"
During the last illness of the old Mon
ey-getter a friend called to see him, and
expressed his sorrow at finding him fail
ing SO fast. eyes yes" said the old
gentleman, despairingly, 'the doctor
says | can't live more'n week. If
could only live two. could make ten
thousand dollars"
A Truthful Observation. - "What
makes Colonel Blank so popular? I'm
sure he's very stupid. He can hardly
see beyond his nose" and a lady TO
friend, who replied, "My dear. sharp
sightedness is not what makes person
popular. 1t is what the colonel doesn't
see that gives him such popularity"
Lawrence, my dear" said his wife,
wreathing in smiles, Il wish you had
| been to church this morning. Mr..
Jones was very interesting, and when
| he prayed for the absent ones"-
"Well, that accounts for it, then. I
haven't caught such string Of fish for
| e, ,-oor no did this cruipO ~
How did you like Europes'' ''It's
too splendid for anything was the re-
ply. 'And were you sick?" Eyes, aw-
fully sick" "And was your husband
| good 70 you?' ''Oh, he was too good,
for anythingl Just as soon as he found
out was sick he went and drank salt
water so as to be seasick III unison with
me, and I'm not his second wife eth
err
He Resumed. -.Father,' said the
| young man, as he leaned on his hoe,
| -''they say the balance of trade is agin
u.s." They do, eh?' sand that our
bank reserves are rapidly diminishing"
.'Du tellr' .'And that railroad extern
sion has come to halt ''Well, l
swami Sand that the volume of Sc
curities Is substantially without mar
ket" sGreat snakes! Well. I neveri
And do they say any thing about q fell
lew stopping to lean on his hoe to talk
when he mi ght just as well talk and hoe
too?" Reuben spit on his hands and
resumed.
Z Maine grocer who had just sex
perienced religion acknowledged in
meeting that he had been hard sin
ner, cheated customers by adulteratins
his goods, but, being converted, would
repay any one he had wronged. Late
that night he was awakened by ring
at his door-bell. Looking out, ne saw
man. .'Who are you and what do
you wantP he asked. I'm Bill Jones'
You said tonight you would repay
those you had cheated. Give me that
J 800 you've owed me so long" Cant
you wait till morning." No; amt go
ing to wait till then and stan0 in line all
dayn He vas maid