The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-08-27

wa lady: "Oh carpenter YES while
you were at dinner I--,ah! tied some
rags around the head Of your hammer,
as ] found the noise Of ii this morning
disturbed me very much, You win
ind it much pleasenter now"
Cincinnati lovers are 50 ardent that
they will make love TO the first person
who comes along; but an old man who
found that he had been embracing n Girl
IN Eden Park that had just broken out
WIN the smallpox, concluded that he
had been little hasty.
Doctor" says the patient, meeting
HIM on the street, 81 want You to tell
me what is the matter with me. When
wake up IN the morning | feel duh -
stupid ms an IDIOT" "Humph! And
how dld you feel when you went TO bed
the night before, eh?'
The Way We Live Now "Wel, old
chappie, what did the doctor say9"
'Oh said waB 10 give up tea, and take
plenty Of rest, and all that Mean TO-"
But what did he say about big cigars
and brandios and .odas in the morning.
anu WI lIIdl' ''JI, NlNl mention II,
Fact is, never asked him.
"My frens, said the officiating
clergyman at the marriage Of two col
orcd persons near Cincinnati, a few
Sundays ago, my frens, it am 4 serious
thing to get married, specially boic
parties Is orphans an haint rot no
parents to fail back ON, as am represent
case.
When all the buffalo are killed of,
if Uncle Sam can be induced to quit
feeding the red devil, on canned rood.
and other government rations. they will
have 10 put up at an American boarding.
house, aud then dyspepsia will wind up
the noble red man. The secretary OF
the Interior should cut this out and
paste it where he shall see it again.
a contemporary asks; How shall
women carry their purse, to Illustrate
thieves" Why, carry them empty.
Nothing illustrates thief more than 10
snatch a woman's purse, after following
her half mile, and then find that IL
contains nothing but recipe for -prca
peaches and faded photograph Of her
grandmother.
An Austin farmer started in the Iiv-
ery-slabie business last week, and the
first thing he did Wa TO have biz
>l@n painted, representing himself hold
iug a mule by the bride. II, that a
good likeness Of mc2" he asked OF an
admiring friend. "Ycs, it is a perfect
picture Of YOU, but who is the fellow
holding You by the bride"
Father, YOU are an awful brave
man2' said a Detroit youth. Il, be
smoothed down the old mans grav
locks the other evening. How do YOU
know that, Willie?" "Oh, | heard
some men down at the store say that
you killed thousands of soldiers during
the war" "Mc? Why, / was beef
contractor for the army "Yes, that's
what they said" exclaimed young in
nocence, as he Sid for the kitchen.
Angelina, dearest, canst tell me
wherein the mariner resembles the beau
tiful sunilower under whose outrageous
blossoms we first pIightei our troth?"
asked AdOlphus, his whole being trem-
ulous with emotion. mo. Dolly re-
piled Angelina, toying with her chew
ing gum. Tell me, Dolly" Listen"
exclaimed Adolphus with solemnity.
1T is because the sunilower goes to
seed and the mariner goes 10 sea,
dear"
At the bric-a-brac shop - Amateur
(whose heart has throbbed at the sight
of huge platter of old Rouen ware,
but who is too wary to reveal his emo
tom Whats that little--um plate
over there worth?' Dealer Gan old bird
also) You mean this saucer, here?
Eighteen hundred francs Amateur
Pretty steep, isn'tit ?' DeaIer-"Wcu,
sir, you see, with those knick-knacks
the smaller they are the more they
,,st -