Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1882-01-05

>o"t ""A"" III your pockets. Ion
let me sec any more nail chewing.
or you and I'll get mixed up in an
argument. She gets that from your
family, Mrs, Spoopendyke."
Say, dear, don't you want to or
der some things?" asked Mrs. Spoop.
endvke.
mo" rejoined her husband, Il
Asnt to see this youngster. Where's
Ner chin Do babies always have
heir upper jaw set right ON their
,honIders? Kitchee ktchee. Her
sc'Ip comes clear to the bridge Of her
nose. ] don't believe she's quite
right. Where's her fcrehead' Great
Moses her head is all on the back
part. Say, that baby's got to be
press d, that's shape" j"
Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoor.
endyke, Indignantly. She's a per.
feet angel. There's noth,rg in the
world the matter with her"
"Of course, you know" growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "You don't want
anything more than a fog horn and a
mis-sp:n' appropriation to be an or.
phan asylum. If l had your faith
and the collie Id make living az
foundlings home. Shell be old
enough to spank in g week, wont
she?"
NO, she won't !" said Mrs. sroop.
endyke, she II never be old enough
for that
"1ll bet She will" grnnted Mr..
SP" pendyke, "if she is ut she'll get
it before she natures up to that per-.
cd, that's all. Let me take her.
Here. let's have her
But Mrs. sroorendyke ha,ly 70.
fused.
Keep your dad gasted baby, then -
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. "If you
know more about babies than do,
then keep her. The way you cojdls
her, tne would think she was A new
paste for the complexion. Ifyou had
one more brain and handle, pou 4
make rattle box. Fit you up with
Il broken sofa and grease sp>t and
you'd do for a second Land nursery"
And Mr.. Spoopsndyke started of
to find his friend Speclewoo,ls, who
congratulated hun, and started Of
.itb bim to assist in the selection Of
an over' oat and pair OF ear mnfs as
precautionary again njt the approach
inS "i"ter.
WHAT A ULE-WNAcKER Would
%. M.j,r Sanger, who Is known IN
u.ilit.r, slang as Il "bamtam Was re
turning one day recently from Bis
mark 20 Fort Lincoln, which is across
The river, and the ambulance in which
he WAS riding was delayed by team
and wagon driven by one of the class
know. as mule whacke.s in this coua-
try. The driver of the ambulance
and M,jor Sanger got very indignant
at what he believed to be impertinent
language and nnwarranted lnterfer.
encs in bis journey. He jumped
from the ambulance, Il Tom Thumb
in size, bat a GoIiah in fury, and ex-
claimed
Get that wagon out Of the way"
The mule whacker looked at him
qn,zzicaly and asked
"Who the devil are you ~
II am Major Sanger of the army,
sir, and ! want to get that wagon out
Of the way
Tns mule whacker elected q mouth
iul Of tobacco into the road aud re.
marked:
DO you know what I will 10 with
you, Major Sanger Of the army, sir, ii
YOU don't make less noise with your
mouth -
What will You do ?" inquired the
major, looking as large and fierce as
possible.
II Il set mouse trap and catch
you, MAJOR Sanger Of the army. sir.
and give you to my puppy toplay
with"
A school teacher, who had just been
telling the story OF David, winds up
with, And all this happened over
,hree thousand years ago 4 lissle
che,ub, its blue eyes dilatsd wonder,