St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-06-23
SqIIibS.

"Father When IA hen sets on an egg
three weeks and it don't hatch, is the
egg spoiled Pn "As an article of diet.
my son, the egg is thenceforward fail
ure, but as a species of testimonial it
is strillingly aromatic and express
ive."- Rome Sentinel.
When Henderson heard the cannon
yesterday afternoon he asked, Nv hats
that ~ ''The governor taking his seat
on the common" he was told. "Thun-
der ~ exclaimed Henderson, "does he
always sit down as hard as that P''-
Boston Transcript.
A man died leaving property valued
ut SlI 900 to Il certain relative. Eight
other relatives wouldn't have it that
way, and contested the will. The
property was then divided pro rata,
and each one's share was found to be
II cents. What became-but, of course
you know that the lawyers got it.
Patrick, dressing for Il party: "Be-
dad, now, and shan't he able to git on
these boots till I've worn them tonne
or two
Adaptability: A man never looks so
like il red-handed villain us when he is
told by the photographer to ''look
pleasant Hartford Times.
A Michigan man told his daughter
that if she would learn to do house
work, he would surprise her. She
| learned the art, and he fulfilled his
promise by discharging the hired girl.
If argument won't bring man ober
to your side oh de queshun, knockin'
him down won't do any good. De man
who can run up IA bill at de butchers
an dodge him for six months am not
necessarily Il Statesman. De man who
takes up the moas' sidewalk am not
allus de puSsOn oh de mOas' cOnse-
quence. A I5-cent drunkard wants
mo- room in dis world dan Judge ob
de supreme court Brother Gardner.
A western young man aged lS has
elOped with a married woman of three
score years. This esthetic craze for
antiquities is becoming altogether too
general and threatens to cause trouble.
Il NOrristown Herald.
"What are your views of Europe,
my dear sir {" patronizingly queried
the ubiquitous note book mauler, as he
poised his ready pencil. "Mostly stereo-
scopic," was the curt reply of the trav-
el-stained senator Erratc Enrique.
GLOW is the soil of Kansas ?" asked
one of the group, as the traveller paus-
ed. "Richest in the world, sir" was
the reply. 81 know New York state
man who went to Kansas seven years
ago with only Sl5 III cash, and he is
now worth 100000" "Whew What
did he raise principally ?" ~ believe
it was check, sir; but they couldn't
exactly prove it on him Think of
soil that will raise bank check for
$50 to $I9,0OO, and in backward
season at that ~
Sleep may "knit up the ravelled
sleeve of care" but it wont darn the
torn stockings of poverty worth cent.
The best way for a man to chew to-
baccO is to es-chew it, and the best
way for him to use liquors is to refuse
| them.
An editor has offered three dollars
for the best written love-letter. There
are some people who would give more
than that to get back some that they
have written.
Salmon are so plentiful in Alaska
that those who fish for them needn't
! lie about the number they catch.
There's not much fun in fishing there.
"SOme men leave enduring foot
prints in the history of their time"
and some leave between two days, and
wonder if the sheriff will catch on be-
fore they reach the adjoining state.
Talmage has a large mouth, and the
Hackensack Republican says that the
reason he has such generous smile is
hot Ia
used to cram both of his feet into his
mouth, Just to make him "tOe utterly
toe"
Mason did not shoot Guiteau, but he
shot over seven thousand dollars into
the lap of "Betty and the baby" This
is cOnsoling to Mason who has learned
what's in an aim.
"DOn't talk too much try and be a
good listener" said father to his lit
tie boy but when he caught the lad
with his ear to the key-hOle one day,
when his sisters beau came to see her,
he thought the boy didn't fully catch
on to his meaning.
If you only had an iron jaw, You
could get fOrty-iive dollars per week
travelling with IA circus this season.
Hartford Times. If you only had
brass cheek, you could get more than
that travelling for "A wholesale house.
-[ Philadelphia News.
Sarcasm that cut the wrong way
On Monday of last week FOgg handed
letter to the Office boy, telling him to
drop it into the mail. This was early
in the morning. In passing the boys
desk IN the afternoon Fogg saw the
letter. 81 say, Johnny" said he, 'any
time this week will do for that letter,
you know" Next day FOgg saw the
letter still lying on the boys desk.
Fierce he broke forth. He wanted to
know what in the substantive that ad-
lective letter was doing there. Why
in the substantive hadn't it been mail
ed2 al didn't know you was in hur-
~ about it," said the boy "yOu told
me any time this week would do
Boston Transcript.