Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-08-25
WIT AND HUNIOR,


| ohs says ~ uihht hurt her-much,
His shoulders aching yet.
Zone box cures the most obstinate case. -
explained the wife Of patent medicine deal.
er, causing four of her fingers to ring Ike the
crack o doom ia the ear of one of her ro
fractory offspring
The IT. James Gazeth urges upon younJ
ladies' to shut up the piano and take M the
vioiin.-Boston Transcript.
| Very good-but why leave the sentence
unfinished! A mistake probably. We will
complete it -''and take up the violin into
the garrct, and lock ii into the big oak chest,
and put the key into II mouse hole" Then
you will be able TO possess YOUR soul in peac.
10 you remember, writes u loving maid
Gu 10 her absent swain, chow we used TO sit
GOWN on sunday evening aud tell over our
lexpeliences:' Just so. Young people sit
GOWN on Sunday evening too much 10 these
degenerate days, for the purpose of telling
over their experiences"
Robinson says he likes first rate to have a suit
brought against him provided there isn't apy.
body else in it, and the intention is sipnitpd
that 1t is for his own personal adornment. He
IS also an adventuresomc fellow, and always
manages to have three or four close shayesa
week.
The Boston Transcript reports this con.
versation -"Does your wife take much ex.
erciscf' asked Henderson OF Fogg, whose
family is the seaside. Exercise! !" exclaim-
. ell Fogs; 81 should say So She changes her
dress six times every day.
Ceewayo's wardrobe has been increased
by the present of a new ockc,, from an Eng
lish-woman
The liquor question in the town of Pason
Q ILL.,, was settled by popuaar vote to put
the matter of licensing into the hands OF u
Women's Christian Temperance Union.
: Pason is pacing on at q great rate.
'les sir" the L0'reN citizen reports An
: old resident as saying: 'The first trip |
made from Lowell to Boston was over the
9 old canal, and | worked my passage on the
) canal boat" Worked your passage How :"
t enqurcd his audience Il led the horse"
y s)lemnly remarked the ancient mariner
n A novel illustration of enterprise in poll.
tical affairs was the inducement held out to
r attract crowd at political meeting heidi by
!, Democrats in Concord, n. c., ON Monday.
8 The feature Of the occasion was two mar
a riages, which where TO take place in Poplar
a Tent" The brides elect were two pretty
"a young girls Of the county, and the grooms
"a two hrawny chested young well-tO-do farm.
els. The brides were given away by one of
the Democratic speakers Politics makes
o strange bedfeows.
l. wRETCHED WORLD.
n sad Master Jones 'Now we must 20
OI Wlthoul delay 10 the deepo
VI Laughed sweet Miss Jones Il SHOULD say so
lie L'is start AT once for the dapo.'
:, Snlled Mrs Jones IN quick step, on
We'll all run down to the deppo.'
liroanei Mr.. Jones' ITS mighty hot
10 drive you all 10 the deepot."
IL These conflicts Of pronunciation
e. Would not be If they called it station
IL -BugdlO Commercial idrefti~r.
- is dis heah letter all right, boss?" asked
VI an Aus in darkey, handing the clerk II letter
&c he wanted to send off in the mail The cle,k
J, weighed the letter and returned it saying
~ You want to put another stamp upon it. 1t
le weighs too much" "Ef puts another stamp
Is on de letter dat won't make it no lighter.
OATS gwine to make it weigh more. Teas
Svtings.
1t may be interesting to the boys to learn
n that mule can fight ut both ends A Louis
- vile boy who ticklcd mule about the mouth
!; the other day was frightlully bitten in the
II hand by the enraged Longears - LouisrHe.
Courier-Journal.
10 The lobbyist who said that job could be
l. passed more easily by an empty House than
N full one, admitted afterward that he al
ways succeeded better when the House was
, comparatively empty and the members full
J. l-Er.
~ A young man of Maryland committed sui
eide because he was too poor to marry This
N is an isolated case The poor young man
g generally marries, and if his wife doesn't
" commit suicide year or two afterwards it is
d not because she hasn't sufficient provocation.
A. --Noristo,cn Herald.
lie Conkling has not got over the effect of his
10 resignation yet He reminds one of woman
I'd at crowded French country theatre who fell
J. from the gallery to the pit and was picked up
I'd by one OF the spectators, who, hearing her
b. grooming, asked her if she was much injur-
b. ed. Much injured - exclaimed the wo-
10 man, Il should think am. have lost the
W best seat in the very middle of the front
IN row. Texas SJfngs."
A movement is on foot to establish home
IN for aged and INDECENT Masons. The oldes,
v Mason will now have place where he may
:, rest after his long pilgrimage; but the home
Il will have to be bigger than the Grand Union
IN at Saratoga, if it is to accommodate the
b, whole OF him,-Boston Transcript
., The average hotel waiter is a perfect prod
u ICY at cards-he takes everything with his
-; tray.-Ner Jersey Enterprise.
Iy Latin is dead language, and that is why
IS doctors use it for writing out their prescrip-
n. tions. orleans Picayune.
in The young swell whose pantaloons are so
lc tight that he can not sit down should hang
ont placard above the seat, saying, 'Stand
ing room only."-Neo orleans Picayune
:" Louise Michel the famous French Social
IL list, travels hundred of miles weekly, and
al delivers on an average, three lectures every
10 day. This is being social with vengeance
ID -Lo,eeN citizen.
* A North Carolina man fired six shots from
tie his revolver at stranger sitting on the fence
I'd fourteen feet away. Then the stranger slid
H. down with the remark, Land alive but
II why don't You throw log :"-Detfoh Free
n Press.
~ Mamma, what makes angels p asked u
~ little boy, who had been reading OF the heav-
~ emily inhabitants. The mother glanced out
It into the orchard, and, with warning look
Ut solcmnly replied, "Unripe fruit my dear"
During recent shower, citizen carrying
ne vsry wet umbrella entered hotel to pay a
$. call to some one up stairs. After placing his
pr umbrella where it might drain he wrote upon
- piece of paper and pinned to it the SEN
AZ ience, IN. b. This umbrella Belongs to a
-, 10 man who strikes $50 pound blow-back in
'e fifteen minutes" He went his way up stairs
:. AZ !. and after an absence of fifteen minutes re-
V, turned to find his umbrella gone, and in its
IpNla n nptn mi ID