The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-12-08
GIMCRACKs.

The modern pie-rate cents a
piece.
The best thing to take before singing
breath.
There is little or no opposition to
red-hot poker.
The right kind of dog in yard is
terrier to evil doers.
A city youth explains that kisses are
better enjoyed after dark, because they
are better than they look.
Judge: "JYhat can not understand
is how you could kill a man with sim
gle blow" Cuiprit: "Shall 1 show
You howT
A man who gets into stocks nova
days is like the culprit of old times,
and he generally suffers in correspon.
ding degree.
EYES," said the farmer, "barbed wire
fence is expensive, but the hired man
doesn't stop to rest every time lie
climbs it,"
An exchange contains an article on
"Women who Die Early" 1t probably
refers to those who light the morning
| fire with kerosene.
A Vermont man who has been there
fourteen times says the meanest thing
about misfortune with polecat is the
difficulty in keeping it secret.
A man out in Oswego County N. Y,
found diamond pin imbedded in a
plug of tobacco. And now everybody
will have an excuse to chew plug
tobacco.
Huxley Gays: "There was a time
when men walked on all-fours. The
Lowell Citizen knocks the novelty ont
of the idea by telling him he did the
same thing when he was young.
Princeton College is to hereafter
teach civil service reform. The boys
needn't be bit astonished to sec the
janitor walk up TO the head of the
faculty. That's the way the thing
works.
Another iconoclast has arisen 10 in
; form the world that there. were nc
, apples in Switzerland at the time Tel
shot the fruit OIL his sons head. Per.
haps Williams alleged apple was Q
pumpkin.
"Young Achilles" wants TO know il
we think "cigarettc smoking is injuri
GUS TO the brain?' Oh, no, not bi
of it "Youne Achilles" No man will
brains enough to hurt will be guilty o
smoking paper.
A lecturer wants to know "wha
shall we do with our girls" How
would it do TO to give them three square
meals day, and try to raise them NJ
, to help their mothers until they arr
called upon to help their husbands?
Mrs. Smithkins visited an auction
the other day and bought a job lot o
kitchen furnishing goods. Smithkini
says every article in the list has hole
in il excepting the pepper-box cover
and everything leaks but the cullendel
and m ilkstrainer.
p Two bording house keepers are com
y pairing notes. at pears to me Mrs
r Miggles, that your chickens said i
4 never found out-leastways l neve
= heard any Of the boarders complaint
4 "You see, exclaimed Mrs. Miggles, "
Y alus chop up few feathers with tn,
/ veal"
Corn hnsking continues in the rura
Il districts, but Wheatvile, Genssee
county, remains the only place hea,
: from, up TO the hour of going to press
where a bashfnl Young man was foun'
with nine red ears in his pocket ant
u who was ducked in n mill pond by
u bevy of indignant girls.
"See here" said n fault-inding hus
y band to his wife, tive must have thing
arranged in this house so that we shal
know where everything is kept.
C "With all my heart,' she swcetly al
Is swered, "and let us begin with you
n late hours, my love. | should dearl'
o like to know where they are kept? !?
IS lie let things go on as usual.
In dangerous proximity to mean
ness: EYES," said Burkenstein, "
@ came pretty near doing mean trio
II to-day. l had a counterfeit half and
o was about to give it TO a poor blin,
y beggar who asked for aims, but re
e sisted the temptation and got an oil
n apple woman to change it by buyin
If five cents worth of fruit.
o In her story "Dr. Zay," Elizabet
Is Stuart Phelps tells about an old VIC
a man in Maine, whose description c
&c the misfortuues of her son remind
q one of Ohio. She said: lie had tn
d measles,n' chicken pork, IN the mumpi
II fell in love with the schoolma'am,
3 got religion, N lost the prize fc
elecootin, all in one darned winter