Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1882-03-11
The Hotel Waiter.


The hotel waiter is man whose busi-
ness 1t is to make you wait for your
meals unless you give him half dollar
to encourage him in making fast re-
co-d. The hotel waiter, in the South,
is colored man who can make haste
more slowly than any other creature on
earth. Like the waiter that he carries
dishes on, he is black and polished. If
you place half dollar on the frst-men-
toned waiter, it makes an impression on
the other waiter. He is called waiter
because he is supposed to wait on the
guests. (the waitee), but the latter is
reasIy the waiter, because the waiter is
-- o pshaw this waiter business is
getting mixed; there is too much of oui
expressive English language, anyhow.
But to resume, as preachers say, when
you come into the dining-room, the
waiter acts as if he were afraid that you
were going to change your mind and go
to some other hotel. He beckons you,
backs away from you, and wildly gestic-
ulates toward chair, which he seizes
and swings away from the table, and
then, when you reach the table, he
pushes the chair at you from behind,
and strikes you on the inside hinge of
the knee with force enough to jar the
cotton out Of your ears. You have to
sit down whether you desire to do SO or
not. As socn as the waiter has you in
the chair, he hands you the bill of fare
and assumes an expression of counte-
nance that is calculated to create the
impression that he can read.
The memory of the average waiter is
extraordinary. Some say it is because,
like some mems oonsciences, it is never
used, but that is not so.
tits wonderful to see him standing SOL
emnly and respectfully attentive behind
q drummer's chair, while the hungry
drummer reads of his selections, some.
thing in the following style: "Consomne
Of macaroni; bated red snapper with
brown sauce; sugar-cured tongue; greer
goose with apple.sauce land don't forge
the apple-sauce, you SON. 'of-a-gun), roas
beef IAN outside piece cut thin), fricass'
rabbit, farmers style; baked macaron
an patmesan braized pigeon la jardi
mere Gust a very small piece of tn
pigeon, but bring dead oodles of the I
la Jardinere), tripe fried in batter, will
tomato salce, onions, Lima beans
mashed potatoes, squash and chow
chow" It is still more wonderful tt
see the waiter return after an absenct
of forty-fve minutes, during which
time the drummer d links three glasse
of ice-water by way OF entertaining hi
stomach while waiting, with All entirel,
different assortment of food. This il
where evidences of his wonderful
memory shine forth like parlor mattel
in dark pantry. He. remembers t.
forget everything ordered except, per
haps, mashed potatoes or roast beei
but that is seldom his fault, the chic
cook having packed them inadvertentl
with the rest ofthe goods. If you wan
roast beef, your best chance to get it
to order fried tripe or pigs feet, and
you want turnips and lettuce, the onl
safe way to get in conjunction with ther
is to order up all the vegetables, relishe'
and entrees in the house, and then yo
have the satisfaction of finding that th
only place to find them in town is O
the bill of fare. Just out OBJ dem, sal
very sorry, sab" the waiter says, as b
hands you the mustard and smiles in
conciliatory way. And that brings I
to smiles. The colored waiter is G
smiles. He smiles on the slighte
provocation, whereas the white waiter
the North never smiles.
The ordinary colored waiter som
times becomes head waiter, aft
which he never smiles, but with b
arms folded, la Napoleon on Il
Island of st. Helena, assumes a solen
and dignified position in the middle
the dining-room.-SJtings.