The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1882-10-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

Ella Wheeler says that "love is suf-
ficient." Ella has evidently been read
ing from Dr. Tanner.
1t was Detroit girl who married at
10 so as to have her golden wedding
when it would do her some good.
The young woman who sneeringly re-
marks that men are all alike generally
shows her sincerity by taking the first
man that offers himself to her.
Miss Emma Abbott is said to have
made $l00,000 in stock speculation re-
Gently. Emma, if you can do that sort
of thing, you just let opera alone.
There is one advantage in warm
weather. At no other season of the
year can you spread the butter on the
children's bread so evenly and so thinly.
Says cynical old lady: Every
handsome mothers are often proud of
their veryugly babies. l wonderif but
terflies are proud of their caterpillar"
No matter how handsome q young
woman may be, when the right man
comes along she is ready to yield the
palm of her beauty, if he havet the sense
to ask it.
Takes woman for ingenuity. A
Cleveland girl had new bonnet she
wanted to show, and contrived to get
herself called as Il witness on case she
knew nothing about.
Vegetables are ever so much better
for person than meat this hot wealth
err" remarked the head of the family,
rs he reached for the last slice of beef
and left an unsatisfactory ear of corn
for the rest of the household.
A woman lately looked at q printing
press ut work, turned to her companion,
and in n most earnest manner inquired.
"Well, Charley, an thems the things as
writes the papers. Be's them what
they call editors9"
Yes, my boy, there are 53,200,00
people in this country. And you are
only one of them. Just one. Think of
that, once in while, when you get to
wondering what would happen to the
world if you should die.
1t may be interesting to the boys to
learn thata mule can fight at both ends.
A Louisville boy who tickled a mule
about the mouth the other day was
frightfully bitten in the hand by the en-
ragged longears.
II declared exclaimed Mrs. Tindice,
II never saw n gal like our Sary Jane.
/ worked eenamost two hull days on her
bathin' dress. and don't you think she
got it wringin' wet the fust time she put
IL on"
Substitution was at party. Miss
Angelina had been persuaded to preside
at the piano. There said Seraphina,
as Angelina took up piece of music,
'she has taken tune from the rack,
and now she will put us all on it."
A trade journal gives directions for
preserving harness." Preserved, har-
ness may be considered very palatable
by those who like that sort of thing,
but we don't want bit in our mouth.
-Norristo,on Herald.
eyes, SIR" says the oldest resident,
"the first trip / made from Lowell to
Boston was over the old canal, and I
worked my passage on the canal-boat."
"Worked your passagep Howp" in
quired his audience. II led the horse"
solemnly remarked the ancient mariner.
A certain self-styled authority on wit
and humor says that there are but
twenty kinds of jokes. Wen wager
that we can send him boy that will
play over forty different practical jokes
in half day, unless be assassinates the
boy before that time.
A fashion item says that the belle of
the period now wears at her waist belt
a little music box, family playing sin
gle tune. We suppose this is to enable
the gentleman to explain to anybody
who comes along Unexpectedly, that he
was winding the box.
Recipe for Angels: Mamma, what
makes angels?" asked little boy who
had been reading of the heavenly in
habitants. The mother glanced out
into the orchard, and, with warning
look, solemnly replied, "Unripe fruit,
my dear"
Philadelphia mothers now tell their
youngsters that If they are right good
little boys until the bi-centennial cele-
bration this fall, they will take them
down to the river bank and let them
play with the United States Navy
Nesos.
A sarcastic question may sometimes
do duty for the severest Of replies. II
never consider dinner perfect without
SOUP" said one man to another; II al
ways have soup when / dine" "And
do you ever have anything elseP" asked
the other.
."Cain bottomed chairs" repeated the
studying the upholsterer's
sign. "Cain bottomed chairs, did hep
want to know! Can't hardly believe
Il, but then these ere city chaps know.
Won't our dominic be took back, though,
when / tell i'm"
He Smoked. Bill Snort, Texas
journalist. was about to get into car
On the Central railway, when the con-
1uctor, thinking the passenger might
prefer the smoking car. asked: "Do