Middletown transcript., 1882-03-10
CHIPS.

1t isn't because a woman is exactly
afraid Of COW that that she iF.tsEas EFay and
screams. 1t is because gored dresses
are not fashionable.-NeaV York 1ele-
gram.
The Philadelphia street car compa-
nies. in defiance Of law, salt their
tracks. AS one good turn deserves an
other, why don't the city salt the COM
panies Burlington Enterprise.
Just imagine the feelings of Vicks-
burg grocer who failed the other day,
and discovered that he could pay one
hundred cents on the dollar, and have
over 81, 900 left.-Detroit Free Press.
Human flesh is heir to 2,400 ills in
the shape of disease, but the remorse
and unavailing regret which follows a
press banquet serves to consolidate and
unite the whole grand aggregation
Bill Nye.
A New York fire insurance agent
committed suicide last week. If it had
been a life insurance agent we could
have understood how gnawing remorse
had forced him into the awful deed
Rockland Courier.
"Have you Lenten jokes this week,
Mr.. Spicer ~ asked "a constant read
err "No,'' said the press man
thoughtfully, "but I have lent ten
dollars that am afraid shall never
see again. Boston Commercial Bulle-
tin.
When a young man swears off smok-
ing, commences to turn his collars, and
runs his shoes over at the heels, you
can make up your mind that he's going
to make some confding young lady mis-
cradle in very short length of time
Elnira Telegram.
"Pa, are you an agnostic ~ asked
young New Haven miss at tea, last
evening. " No, my dear, I am proud
to say 1 am Republican. y " Well,
that means the same thing, pa. No
Republican knows what he believes,
nowadays. ''-Neg HaUen Register.
"Is deafness increasing ?'' asks the
Burlington Ne,cs. That depends on
circumstances. If you ask bar-room
loafer to take drink, no matter how
low you pitch your voice, he'll hear.
Ask man to loan you dollar, and his
organs of hearing become suddenly dis
eased.-Attica Ne,oS.
elbow beautiful the dome of heaven
this evening"" said Angelica, as she
leaned heavily on his arm. The stars
seem to look down upon US "Oh,
yes,' said practical John, A" it's impos-
sible for them to look up to us, you
know. They cawn't." Sudden check
to an evenings fill of most delightful
sentimentality.- Wedrer.
Conductor" said lady passenger
on the train, pointing over her shoulder
to man who was resting his feet on
the window sill behind her, II wish
you would request that brute to take
his feet down. CT daren't, a'am, >
replied the polite but cautious ticket
fiend, "he's a member Of the legisla-
ture. Brooklyn Eagle.
81 tell you," said the canvasser,
"you have no idea of the hard work
there is in this business. 1t is either
talking or walking from morning till
night" "Beg pardon, F" replied the vic
tim; II have a pretty distinct idea Of
the talking part of your program.
Now please favor me with an exhibition
Of the walking part" The canvassel
exhibited. Boston Transcript.
eyes, dear, love will keep out the
cold better than any Of your new-fan
gled furnaces or patent window shut
tiers. If there's a pane of glass out Of
your window, darling, and the wini
comes bowling through it, stop it W
with a newspaper. With love and {
newspaper you can keep good dea
warmer than the fashionable lady
whose heart is cold. You can TAXI
charge of the love, and let the old MAI
have his pipe and the newspaper. -
Ne,v York Commercial.