The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1882-04-14

| \ man came into the office recently with a
black eye, n strip of court plaster across his
cheek, one arm in sling, and as he leaned
on crutch, and wiped the perspiration away
from lump on his forehead with red cot.
ton handkerchief, he asked if the editor was
in. We noticed that there was quite heal
| thy smell of stock yards about the visitor,
but thinking that in his crippled condition we
could probably whip him, if worse came to
worse, we admitted that we were in.
well want to stop my paper" said he,
MS lie sat down on one edge of a chair, as
| though itmight hurt Scratch my name right
of. Gou are responsible for my condition"
| Thinking the man might have been taking
our advice to deaf men, to always walk on Il
railroad track ifthey could find one we were
| preparing to scratch him off without any ar
gument, believing him to be man who knew
when he had enough, when he spoke up as
| follows:
THE amount of it is this live out in
Jefferson County, and | came in on the new
Northwestern road just to get recreation.
| am a farmer, and keep cows, | recently read
an article in your paper about n dairymen's
| convention, where one of the notices over
the door was Treat COW rs you would a
! lady, and the article said it was contended
| by our best dairymen that Il COW treated in Il
polite, gentlrmanly manner, rs though she
was companion, would give twice as much
milk. The plan seemed feasible to me. |
| had been a hard man with stock, and thought
maybe that was one reason my COWS always
dried up when butter was forty cents pound,
and gave plenty OF milk when butter was
| only - cents pound. | decided to adopt
your plan, and treat Il COW rs | would lady.
| had brindlc COW that never had been
much mashed on me, and decided to COM
mcncc on her, and the next morning after
read your devilish paper, put on my Sun
day suit, and white plug hat that bought
the year Greeley run for President, and went
to the barn to milk. / noticed the old COW
seemed to he bashful and frightened but TAX
ing off my hat and bowling politely said =
Madame, excuse the seeming improperly of
the request, but will you do me the favor to
hoist| At the same time tapped her gent.
~ on the flank with my plug hat, and put
ting the tin pail on the floor under her, | sat
down on the milking stool
Did she hoist ?" said we, rather anxious to
know how the advice of President Smith, of
Sheboygan the great dairyman, had worked
Did she hoist? We'll, look nj me, and see
if you think she hoisted. Say | tell you now
in confidence, and | don't want it repeated,
but that COW raised right up and kicked me
with all four feet, switched me with her tail
and hooked me with both horns, all at once,
and when got up out of the bedding in the
stall, and dug my hat out of the manager, and
the milking stool out from under me, and be-
gan to maui that COW, forgot Ill about the
proper treatment Of horned cattle Why,
she fairly galloped over me, and never want
to read your old Taper again"
We tried TO explain to him that the advice
did not apply to brindle cows at all, but he
hObbled out, the maddest man that ever
asked n COW to hoist in diplomatic language.