River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-06-22
HUMOR

Musical Maiden-"I hope | am not
boring you, playing so much?" Enam-
ored Youth-'t0h, mol Pray go on!
I'D so much sooner hear you play
THAI talk"
"My frens," said the officiating cler-
gyman at the marriage of two colored
persons near Cincinnati few Sundays
ago, my frens, it am Serious ting to
get married, specially when bofe par
ties is orphans an haint got no parents
to fall back on, as am de present
case"
The Dessert Neses, the leading Nor
mon daily of Zion, makes its own paper
and its own type. If we may be par
doned for pulling on old and infirm
Joke out of its bed and dragging it here
, on cet, we will say that the Neaes
manufactures its own lye.
A little boy, whose parents are al
ways moving from one house to another
was asked by the Sunday school teacher,
"Why did the Israelites move out of
Egypt" Because they couldn't pay
their rent" was the reply.
The American electrotypes of Will
liam E. Gladstone look as though Will
liam had just put on pair of mis- last
summer pants and had neglected to
remove the humble bee that roasted IN
them during the winter. The express
sion on his face is one of extreme woe
and grieved surprise.
Just as girl was about TO drown
herself at Athens, Ala, man caught
her. She struggled, but he held her
fast. "I'll give you ten minutes to
think it over" he said, ''and if you
then want to die I'll let you do it."
When the time was up he released her
and she quietly went home.
Cook" Madame, may i ask you
for my testimonials Mistress-"What
do you expect me to write, you worth
less creature? Surely you can't expect
me to say that am satisfied with your
Cook-"Isn't necessary. Only write
that remain with you three months,
That will be my best recommends
ton"
A Texas paper tells of young lover
who playfully threw pebble at his
sweetheart and hurt the finger upon
whicn he had just placed the engage
ment ring. She tossed the pebble
back and knocked out one of his front
teeth. A pebble down in Texas must
be about the size of "dornick" or
crock"
A Washington dispatch says that
Gutteau had dream the other night,
'and imagined he saw horrible figures
before him." Washington pie appears
to be about the same as any other kind.
Chicago Tribune.
London World: 81 can see no reason
why lady should not adopt certain
cut and color, and if it really suits her
and cannot be improved upon) stick to
it forever after. She would be, at all
events, original and acquire an accent
uated personality"
When President Arthur was school
teacher he did not punish the big bad
boys by seating them with the girls; he
placed them on the lowest bench in the
primary department and made them
recite the alphabet with the little child
rem. By this simple method he perma-
nently reformed one very bad school in
exactly two hours by the watch.
A young man seated beside an elderly
passenger on the Cincinnati, Hamilton
& Dayton train the otherday morning
made considerable spor in quite way
of the hat of lady near him. AT last
his elderly companion replied: THAT
lady is my wife, sir, and told her that
every fool who saw the hat would make
sport of it, but she wouldn't believe me
and insisted on wearing it." The young
man stammered an apology and retreat
ed to the smoking-car.
In the trial of Queen Victoria's would
be-assassin the other day, Sir Henry
James, the attorney general said in the
course of his remarks: Experiments
had been made which in evidence
would show that had the bullet travelled
either slightly to the right or to the left,
the death of Her Majesty would have
been accomplished" This leads us to
inquire what kind of ahairpin is Queen
Victoria, anyhow.
An Illinois girl lately called at
Coroner's office, and, addressing the
solitary occupant of the apartment,
said, "Be you the Coroner" 81
guess you'd think so if you ever see an
undertker shake hands with me-"
blandly answered the official. "You
| amt going anywheres for day or two
be YOU" "Not that I know, "Well,
Pm glad to hear it" continued the
maiden with an air of much encourage
ment Johnnie Bowles has been
keepin' company with me since Christ
mas, but hear that he's going TO take
another girl to circus tonight, and
if he does I'll swaller p'ison."