The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-11-17
HUMOROUS.

The physicians of Miss Louisa M.
Alcott have forbidden her TO put per to
paper. Mrs. southworth ought to have
that kind of doctor.
"You are a minute latei" exclaimed
the exact Mr.. M. "Well," was the re-
ply, "Pm ahead of your clock, for that's
three minutes latel"
Teacher: "Define the word excav-
ate." Scholar: "It means 10 hollow
out" Teacher: "Construct a sentence
in which the word is properly used"
Scholar: "The baby excavates when
it gets hurt"
Lightning struck q contribution plate
in western church just as the deacon
was passing it around. "This is the
first time anything has struck this plate
for three months" said the deacon
thoughtfully.
DIR. Hewson asserts that the sparrows
are capable of spreading the smallpox
Should MT wonder at all. People have
about come to the conclusion that the
sparrows are capable of anything that's
mean.
The postoffice department has ruled
that husband has no control over the
correspondence of his wife. But this
decision will not prevent a man from
carrying his wife's letters in his inside
coat pocket three weeks before mail
ing it.
"Wnli. II-bs-, L.~- ye- have boon
at the Nurnberg exhibition. Did you
visit the Germanic museum, too?'
"Oh, yes. l was there three hours"
''Three hoursl And what did you do
all that timer" "I was trying to find
the exit"
The grasshopper has, according to its
size, 12O times the kicking power of an
average man. Remember this and
think of it if you ever happen to get
right in the way of a lusty man who is
kicking at dog he does MT like, and
you'll be simply dazzled at the compara-
lively magnificent powers of the grass.
hopper.
Complete sets of London Punch, in
eighty-two half-yearly volumes, have
beeniforwarded 10 Cyprus for the use
of the sick and wounded in the militia
ry hospital at that place. 1t may be
impossible to prevent these terrible out
RACES ON the sick and wounded soldiers,
but strong effort should be made in
that direction.
A Boston editor bounced the cook,
cuffed two children, left his wife in
sears, and made bee-line for the office,
and wrote: eff you want to make the
world brighter and better, begin by be-
ing kind,and loving to those in the small
circle of your own family, and from that
as centre work out as you are permit
ed 10 CO."
Speaking ofWilliam Penn, it would
have been great disappointment to
the Philadelphians if he had entered
that city 200 years ago by way of the
Pennsylvania railroad instead OF COM
ing up the river in boat, All the dis
play on the river front would have been
spoiled. This shows what thnnght
Inll man Penn was.
A Bangor clergyman complains tina
a sentence of fourteen words, OF his
own making, has been stolen bodily by
the author of theological article in the
New York Herald. The Bangor cler-
gyman does not state whether he will
bring suit, but he is evidently much ex-
cited and terribly indignant. What
a wicked world this is getting to be-!
"Vhen is yer gwine ter Fredericks-
bnrg?" asked en- Austin darkey who
had learned to read of one who had not
acquired that accomplishment. Fam
giving Tomorrow sa~r..i.A' ia do carly
stage."- "Don't yer go in the early
stage, Jnlius. tells yer do MT yer risk
it," "Why not, Pompey" "Bekase
de early stages am sickly. l read a
piece yesterday warmin' folks about
assumption in the early stages"
Association of ideas: "That was a
powerful sermon the dominic preached
ms mornings, saiu uIu Iurmer Turruw
to his wife as they sat at the dinner
liable yesterday. "Deed it was" re.
piled She "but do Won know John