River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-01-19
Toronto (Canadal Grip.
ERINGoBRAGH TERRACE,

and strengthened wild me strength, the
habit sur, of readin' the papers. An !
want to be afther tellin' thin vaga
bonds av editors that they won't have a
chance to play off their practical jokes
on me any more, for the sorra paper,
Grit or Tory, will / read for the Mkt
six months, at aste. 1t wasn't enough
for them to enter into conspiracy t.
wane me from readin' their articles an
ayditorials, but they mustn't do it if ytz
Place, afther the Austrian dd nattseua'
method of curing an inabriate. 1t wa.
St. Jacobs Oil here an St. Jacobs Oil
there, until the vision of that ovid
leech sitting there with his staff in wal
hand an his bottle av oil in the other
haunted me thoughts be day an M,
dhrames be night. As long as they
KEEP it in the advertiser columns it
didn't bother me at ali, but whin every
bit av mans mental victuals is satur
ated with wan thing, an that thing 81
jacobs Oil, fax, thin, it's stronger
shtammach thin mine can shtand il
Last week, sure, lights me pi e an
sits down afther me days work T.,
read that encyclopaedia av daily
news, the Globe, and was just regain
meself wild beautiful article entities
"A National Blessing" 1t was tw
columns long, an / had just got halt
way down the second column, whin
what should crap up but--St. Jacob
Oil. To blazes wild yea, yevile desavcr.
says /, sthickin' the Globe into the stove
wholesale +; it's pretty pass I'm come
to whin Pm afther being wheedled into
wastin' three mortal quarthers av al
hour readin' durthy ovid advertise
ment agin me own will. An wild that
| sayzes me hat in great rage and taret
down to the Globe Office to tel thin 10
sthap me paper there and thin. ]
wasn't down q quarther of block whn
clang whit iviry fire-bell in the city
all the paple cum rushin' out av door.
an, lukin' back, what should | see hu'
me own chimbley ablazin' like fury,
an a great mob agatherin' round the
dure. BE time I gat back, there wor
three or four ingins playin' on me
house, an afore they got through it
wa, like nothin' else at all but Noah's
Ark in the middle av the deluge.
That shows the quantity av st. Jacobs
Oil must av been in that Globe to be
ahher kindlin' up the chimbley like
that. Well, the very MKT day | takes
up the paper and says to meself yez
won't fool me any more wild your
National Blessings" an to protect
meself agin bein' chated again, begins
at the bottom av the page an tries to
read upwards, when after awhile |
comes up to the purtiest pictur, Cap
tain Boyton fioatin' on his back.
an he a'rigged up like a yacht in full
sail. Eusha now, SEE /, did yez ivir see
SIGH beautiful invention? / mustn't be
afther readin' all about it. So begins at
The top an comes down the first column
all tight, but on the next column what
does Captain B. rub himself wild but
81. Jacobs Oil Wishal now the divil
rub the shkin off av yez, q sure,
it's mighty hard up Misthur Gordon
Brown must be for something to sup
ply his customers wild whin he's takin'
to dosin' thin wild St. Jacobs Oil. An
fur four days afther / darsn't look at
a paper wild the corner av me left eye,
for fear I'd see the name av that ovid
Banshee on the page. Well, on the
fifth day, was afther smokin' me pipe
in the corner, an thinkin' what de-
saver that Globe was, though to tell yez
the truth. was missin' it awful, whin
who should come in but Katie Malloy,
a mischievous clip av girl, that's at
tendin' wan av our big schools in town
here. She had copy av the Hamil
ton Aue1sin' Times in her hand. Mis-
thur O'Hea," SEE she, wild shwate bit
av smoile, edo yez know anything
about natural magic? Here's a piece.
SEE she, nately openin' up the paper,
cts called 'Magic's Wonders an it's
all about man, an how he could pull
snakes all over another mans arrum,
oh, myl Misthur O'Hea, the funniest
thing, ma said / ought to bring it to
you" So widout thinkin' | takes the
paper, an sure enough 1t WAS all about
magic, an all that sort av thing. Wanst,
whin / happened to lux up, noticed
that she stud wild the door knob in her
hand, an she had qua1e little shmirk
on her face, an / could shware | saw
Nora wink at her, but as they are al
ways up to some divitry paid no at
tintion WHATEVER, at all, till av sudden
the cowld dhraps av sweat
broke out on me forehead, an
the MKT minute / was flynn like
the wind out the back dure an down
the alleyway, after that shreechin'
hoaxin' little clip that had cum all the
way from King street, for the fun av
s., in me read that two column adver-
tisement of st. Jacobs Oil.
Now Misther GRIP, ak yez sclemnly,
don't yez think it's too bad for man
Tho pays for his paper in good faith,
to think he mustn't examine the head
an the tail an the middle an all
round the edges av an article afore
settin' down to read it, in order to be
assured, that its not p sugar coated az
vertisement he's studyin' all the tins?
Bodad, horrible fear has this mn-.
ment come to me, that maybe, per-
haps some other victim of this vile
desate, will be afther thinkin' me o~n
letther is an advertisement Don't v z
behave it, my dear reader, it's deaf III
airnest / am about this desavin' htsi
ness. In airnestl sure it's haunted /
am be day an be night wild the Oh ~
av them three words: ST. JACO =
OIL; it holds me, sur, faster than the
gilt erin eye av the ancient mariner
HblQ Tic ulttu Otl tnC Nay w nap iAANeA'
er-in-law's wedding; it stares at me
from iviry fnce an deadwall; it gins
at me from iviry druggists window; il
is in iviry column av iviry paper |
pick up; they've all got it'll GRIP has
got It'll the air Is rife wild It'll and it's
crazy it's drivin' mel Och Militia Muir
thurl see bloodi helpl Misther GRIP!
helpl Murtherl Thieverl-
Dear Sir:-The enclosed unfinished
letter addressed to you is from me
Joor husband Barney, he was writin'
il when all av sudden he was tux in
u TT. I sint for the doctor. He says
his nerves is quite shattered, an thinks
he must have something prayin' on his
mind He has not been lookin' so well
this last two weeks. He used to be
such great reader, but now the sight
av newspaper sets him crazy. He
takes how'd av it an howlds it at ar
runs length, an luks it all over wild a
square, scared kind av LUX, on then
wild a groqn he sticks it in the fire.
When / said to him the other day that
bottle of St. Jacobs Oil might do him
.~ooJ H. ,,,at f,Iouarnd oh M n o,,S said