The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-10-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A pretty girl of eighteen is boot
black in Galveston. She takes the
shine out of the fellows.-Ne1O York
Commercial.
"They tell me you have had some
money left you," said Brown. "Yes,"
replied FUgg, sadly, sit left me long
ago."--BoStol Transcript.
The average life of a locomotive is
only thirty years, but the average life
of locomotive engineer is sixty. The
engineer can jump,-PhiladelphiG
NesoS.
AT Norwich, Miss Maria Baker was
married to Mr.. Butcher. The bride
was given away 10y her uncle, Mr..
Brewer, and the clergyman who mar
ried them was Mr.. Painter.-Qliz.
al can marry any girl I please" he
said, with a self-satisfied-if-you-loved-
a-girl-would-you-marry her expression
of countenance upon his languid face.
"No doubt" she responded; "but what
girl do you please9" They don't speak
now.
Old gentleman Cooking at very
bob-tailed horse): "Bless me how
short they have cut his tail" Attend
ant: Ellis master is a member Of the
Society for the Protection of Animals,
sir. In this fashion he will not annoy
the Door flies"
A correspondent asks: "What time
. of year do the days begin to shorten? ?"
When you have a note in bank. A
note in bank is the great annihilator
Of time. The days are crowded to-
gether in thin layers, and the nights
are like smear from a blacking
brush.-ArkonSaS TrGoeler.
The title of the lesson was, The
Rich Young Man, and the golden text
was "One thing thou lackest." A
teacher in the primary class asked a
little tot to repeat the two, and look
ing earnestly into the young lady's
face the child said: "One thing thou
lackest-a rich young man."-Congre-
yGtionaliSt.
A boy paid his first visit to one Of
the public schools the other day as a
scholar, and as he came home at night
his mother inquired: "Well, Henry,
how do you like going to SCHOOL,"
"Bully!' he replied in anexcited voice,
" | saw four boys licked, one girl get
her ear pulled, and big scholar burned
his elbow on the stove. L don't want
to miss day."
They were talking about dogs-the
habits, comparative intelligence, ETC.,
Of those sagacious animals = when
young Rutherbert said: Well, sir, my
dogs dandy, he is. You ought to
just see him sometimes, Honestly, l
believe he has more sense than I have"
"That's very doubtful compliment
for the dog" said old Mr.. Gloomy, who
sat over in corner.
"Those people," said the pastor.
solemnly, after giving out his text,
"who are either too poor or too
stingy to afford fly screens at home,
are perfectly welcome to sleep in this
church every Sunday morning" And
then he went on with his sermon, but
he preached to the wide-awakest con-
gregation good man ever looked
down upon.-Ha1okeye.
Did you ever see a woman mail a
letter? She will undertake. to drcp it
into the box; then she draws it back
and scans the directions; tries the
stamp to see that it is on fast: scruti-
nizes the gummed side and runs her
finger over it once or twice; then gives
it one or two sudden jerks, which send
1t rapidly into the box. She then peeps
in to see if it went through.
"What man your father isl' ey-
claimed Mrs. Homespun, looking up
from the letter she held in her hand
" He says he has bought a French
clock, and shall bring it home with
him. What will it be good for except
as an ornament2 None Of us can tel
the time by it, unless you can, Edith.
You know something about French.
don't you ?"-Boston Transcript.
A man in Iowa has invented a new
fastening for horse collars. tits slucky
that the horses collar does not fasten
TO button in the back of his shirt.
because if it did, judging from human
experience, when it flew off after he
had broken his thumb nail trying to
crowd it into new button hole, he
would just kick the stufing out of
anything he was hitched to, even if it
was a freight car.-B0Ston bulletin.