Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1882-12-01
A VISIT FROM MISS SCOLLOP.
She DIscourses With Her Usual Vol.
ability on Various Usefui Topics.


She DiscourSeS With Her Usual Vol
ability on Various Useful Topics.
"Wa-al here l be agin, large ez life
and twice ez material. l allow they
hain't many O. yer country neighbor:
drops in ez often.
Il hain't in mournin', eff am dress.
ed in black. The widows are all
marryin' and We gals must do su,hln
to protect ourselves. Not that I'd
marry the best man alive, but black
SO improvin' to ones complexion, and
consider it the bounden duty of the
female sex to make themselves attrac.
tive.
"Speakin' O. marvin, look at that
brazen wilder Scroggins for instance.
Why, 1t can't be nigh year sence she
hung out her flauntin' flag O. woe and
white rueiin' inside her Grape bunnit,
and here she comes prancin' inter
meetin' last Sunday, actshooally leaniu'
up to that young bachelor Pierce like a
sick kitten to hot jamb. He's jest
bought in our naborhood lately, from
out in the mimi country sumwheres.
and the report IS, he's raal well off. 1t
wouldn't surprise me one bit, eff she
didn't bind the chains O. matrinony
round him afore the twelve months wuz
up.
"Laws-a-massy. l don't envy her,
ef she does ketch him. Why. he may
be bigermlsts, fo- all she knows.
"You know and l know, l amt one
to want for chances, and might a-been
standin' in her shoes to-day, eff I'd been
ez / sed many time before, the one
to encourage, but hain't and never
would. Why, it can't be longer ago
than last week he comes down to our
place to look at a Jersey calf, but la !!
l knowed he didn't come arter no calf,
for jest ez soon ez he sot eyes Oh me,
he axed ef l didn't know a tlst rate
housekeeper, and looked at me with
sech an admirln' gaze, my cheeks
burnt like fire.
II jest sed, SEE |, most-like, Il co
know raal good one, and that's me,
but l don't go into no mans house
exceptin' ez his wife, Now many
one would a-sed, they wuz ready and
willin' to 60, but land GLOVE, I'd ruth
er live an old maid than throw myself
any mans head.
II sot out to be here airly, before it
got SO powerful hot, but is astonishin'
how upsetten we are in our calkerla-
tons. l reckon I'd got better'n a
mile, when it come to nv mind I'd
clean forgot butter, eggs and the BUSH
ell Of alrly Clark pertaters wuz bring
in Miss Dawson SO there WIZ moth
in to do but back he'd to go for 'em.
l got pretty wetty well on the way once
more, when who should l meet but
Miss Sallie Perkins standing in the
middle O. the road, right in the blazln'
sun, holdin' her nag by the head and
hollerin' whoa whoa. like one pos
sesse1, every time the critter moved.
'Iand sakes,' SEE l, what on arth's
the matter %
"Oh, Miss Nancy. can't you help
me! sez she, my harness is all to
pieces, and how ever Pm to gong to
glt home passes me-
"Of course, l he'd nothln' so do but
git out, and, laws-a-mercy me, there
WANT thing the matter but a broken
martingale, and all she he'd on the
face of the airth to do wuz to take it
off. hain't no manner of patience
with such pesky ignorance. l declare
to goodness, woman that goes dnv-
in round the country and don't know
how to hitch up her horse. ought to be |
sent to the lunatlc asylum. You never
know what's goin' to happen to you.
MY stars, knowed how to harness
when want a year over ten, and
many and many's the pleasant drives
I've he'd and time saved and accidents
avoided by KNOWN how TO buckle and
mbuckle horse. It's a cryln' shame,
very farmer don't show his wife and
laughter how to do this, and more of
/ shame they don't find out themselves
z l did.
"How nice and cool your ferns look,
nd don't they grow wonderful; but let
ne tell you wrinkle about watelin'
'askets, and you needn't take them
lown nor put a drop on your carpet
either. Jest fill middlesized bottle
nth water ; put in two pieces O. yarn,
nd let the ends hang down outside
he bottle. Hang your bottle right over
he basket. and the water will drip from
he ends O. the yarn jest enough to keep
he basket wet. All you've got to do
) to keep your bottle filled'with water.
IF you don't want it to show, put
ONE Wanderin' Jew in, and it will
DON hide 1t.
but l can't stand here palaverin,'
T Miss Dawson will hev no potatoes
,r dinner. and my butter will run to
rease. Do come out and bring the
hildren. I've got some fine Doml-
ickers jest right to fry"
SCRAPS.
Wet or damp matches wiped little