davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
What theLOrd Couldn't Do.

NelU York Tribune.
Here is an old anecdote, very fas
miliar many years ago, and old enough
TO be new to many OF this genera.
ton, which was a regular Thanks
giving night standby. No gathers
ing about the fire ever separated
without its being told. 1t ran some,
thing in this way: A new railway had
been opened through bleak and un>
settled section of country, and had
been in operation only short time
when a heavy snow began falling and
soon completely blockaded the roau,
stopping the train with its single
passenger car far from any place Of
habitation. There were dozen or
more travellers, but as the prospect
of relief within few hours was good
they were taking the unpleasant sit-
uation calmly. Among them was
tall, lank. lay preacher, whose coun-
teuance was chiefly remarkable tor
preternaturally large mouth. So after
the train came to standstlll he arose
at the forward end Of the car, aud
with his blandest professional smile
began "Now, brethren and sisters,
we've got to stay here shut up to
gether for an hour or two, so let us
make the best OF it. | say brethren
and sisters because we are all breth>
rem and sisters-ain't that 50? We're
all Christians, amt we? Of course
we are. Now les have little expe-
ri nee meeting here. Why not? We
all love the Lord, don't we? We ali
believe He knows best what is good
for us, don't we? OF course we do.
Well, les talk about Him a little.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
Did you ha$ fight down there?'l

Did you han Se fight down there?'G
ayes"
"Who whipped ?"
Il did"
"Well, that was my brother you
were fighting, and maybe you think
you can mash me, too !"
A second fight took place, and
proved draw. The grocer was some.
what discouraged, having several
loose teeth ana nose as big as his
fist, but he drove on to the next house.
A strapping fellow about 81 years
old was cutting wood at the gate,
and the grocer drew up and asked.
How far is it to Stiver's p
(which Silver ?"
"Why, the old liar Stiver's.
stranger, the man who speaks
that way OF my cid dad has got to be
pounded" remarked the chopper and
third fight was soon on the boards.
This time the grocer had his fill, and,
after brushing the grass ont of his
hair, he asked:
"How far is it to Mr.. John Sti>
ver's ?"
1.-TWO miles"
"One more question. Pve met and
fought with three of his sons. Is there
another living between here and the
old mans ?"
"Another ?" Why, there are three,
and besides, there are two single
ones at home who could turn you
wrong side cut in twenty seconds !"
The grocer drove slowly back to
the city and went to bed for week.
His mistake was in not waiting to
catch the old man home some time
when all the boys were off fishing
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
Orange Grove for Sale.

Thirty acres of high pine land about 9
miles west of DeLand and one mile from
Beresford, Is acres under fence of which
10 acres are in grove of 500 trees about
half budded-5 years-the balance seed
lings about years old. Fully $50 of these
trees are bearing. New dwelling house of
five rooms costing $1,000, with necessary
out buildings and a splendid we'll of wa
ter costing 5000. Apply to r." at this
cffice. 35 AZ
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20

20 Work. and how work should be
done. One of the first things to be
taught girls is the care OF their room.
As soon as children are old enough
they should have their own room,
with convenient places for their
clothing, and should be obliged to
keep their things in order. When
they take off garments they should
hang them up or arrange them in their
proper places, and never leave them
for some one else TO put away. Dust
ing furniture nicely requires a good
deal OF time, and may be done well
by small hands which are not strong
enough to do sweeping. Washing
dishes and putting them carefully in
their places is an accomplishment
which they can learn also. Other
things they can learn gradually as
they grow older, until they have fully
mastered the art of housekeeping. Ii
the task of training is not an easy one,
mothers will feel amply repaid in al
ter years for all their patient teach
ing when they see their daughters
grow up with self reliant, useful
womanhood, learn in all the love OF
which women should be mistreSsess,
making home that shall be beauti-
tul and glorified by her own bands
and her own spirit of independence.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20

The Diamond Dyes for family use
have no equals. Allpopular colors easily
dyed, fast and beautiful. 10 cents a
package.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
Get RicIA.

When Hops are $l.25 per 1b as now,
an acre will yield 81, 900 profit, and yet
the best family Medicines on earth, Hop
Bitters, contain the same quantity OF
Hops and are sold at the same pFlce
fixed years ago, although Hops row are
twenty times higher than chen, Baise
Hops, get rich in pocket; use Hop Bit
ters ana get rich in health.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
Good for Rabies.

With a baby at breast nothing is so
useful for quieting my own and baby's
nerves asParker's Ginger Tonic. 1t pre-
vents bowel complaints, and is better
than any stimulant to give strength and
appetite. "A Newark Mother.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20

about an inch space IN one column"
we replied.
GA dollar square, the deuce you
say! A dollar square! An inch
space ? One dollar fur that little bit?
You must be doggoned gump to
think I'll give dollar away in such
style. | wouldn't give dollar fur a
ole opium.eaten' 'oman."
He said he didn't act square, so he
squared himself and lett, and the last
time we saw him he was about a
square away, going square to Bales
wagon yard, saying he will be square
with US yet.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
And MORE Left.

OetTOD HTee ETeSS.
A dozen years ago farmer came
into Detroit with load of potatoes
and sold them to a grocer. A dis
pute arose as to the quantity. The
farmer felt himself cheated out of
two bushels and he lett the grocer
with black eye. The grocer was a
man who meant to keep even with all
men. He therefore took his affidavit
to whip that agricultural toiler with.
in an inch OF his life, and the longer
he waited the madder he got. At the
end of month, seeing no prospect
of catching the farmer in town, the
grocer procured horse and buggy
and drove out to the farm TO have it
out. When within three miles of the
place he encountered man on the
highway and inquired:
"Can you tell me where old Silver
lives ?"
eyes; going to buy cattle of him?"
"No, sir; I'm going to pound him
out OF his boots p
Il guess not I'm old Stiver's son
aud you've got to whip me first r'
The grocer jumped out and a battle
resulted. He polished the son of, but
it was tight squeeze. He had not
gone halt a.mile when a man who
was nusking corn near the fence hail
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
DECEMBER 90.
REAL ESTATE.
FOR SALE.

Forty acres frst-class pine land near
Leesburg, Fla. Twelve acres, around
dwelling. improved; six hundred orange
trees; 40 five years from bud. and bear
ing; rest seedlings just coming to matur-
ity. Lemons and lines 80. guavas 40,
peaches 85, bananas, plums, shrubs, vines;
a half stories; eight rooms, largest 14X16.
Good well water; stable. Healthy loca-
tion. Price sS7,500. Terms easy. Also
SO acres, 10 cleared; IA bearing
orange trees; house of 8 rooms. Twenty
acres drained grass land, unexcelled
ries or pasture. Price $4,000. Address
HELEN HARCOURT,
Leesburg. Fla.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20

Remember that stamina, vital energy,
the life-principle, or whatever you may
choose to call the resistant power when cii
death, is the grand safeguard of health.
It is the garrison of the human fortress,
and when it wakes weak, the true policy
is to throw in reinforcements. In other
words, when such an emergency occurs,
commence a course of Hostetter's Bitters.
For sale by Druggists and Dealers, to whom
apply for Hostetter's Almanac for 1883.
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
LYDIA z. PRNKHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND.
Is a Positive Cure

For all those Painful Complaints and Weaknesses
so common to our best female population,
The Florida agriculturist., 1882-12-20
A Wife Who was not Worth a
Dollar.

Rome, Ca Courier.
Yesterday morning gentleman,
apparently about sixtY-five years of
age, entered our sanctum and inqulr.
ed: "Is this printin' offs ?"
| Being answered in, the affirmative,
he proceeded with "Well, yer see,
my wife she left me Tuesday, and l
don't know where to find Ter. She
eats opium, yer know, and when she
gets on a big amount she ain't res
sponsible for her actions. She's been
a threatnin' and a threatnin' to do
this thing for some time, an now,
show 'nough she's gone and done it..
and l want to find 'er." --'
We sexpressedSour sorrow at his
bereavement, and told him we were
sorry we could not sooth his sor-
! rows.
"But yer see l wants to advertise
fur 'er. You can do that, can't yer ~
Just here our "devil" smiled his
broadest grin and his face beamed,
for he was sure he would get small
advertisement for "a wife wanted" !"
Telling him he could advertise for
his wife and find her too, if any body
could, we seized our quill and soon
had short squib written and read
it to him.
"That'll do, that's all right. Just
put that in and guess III hear from
'er," and he said "Good morning."
and started out.
"Hold my good Christian FRIEND"
cried our reporter; "who must /
charge this ad. to ?"
"Charge! the deuce and Tom
Walker You don't charge for thing
like unto that, do yer?"
"Well, should say SO" replied the
man OF quilts. "This is very impor>
tant ad., and we don't work for ac-
commodation. Our regular rates are
16 cents per line for first insertion, 8
cents every subsequent insertion.
These rates are tor ordinary pur>
poses, and we really ought to ask 20
cents per line for such an important
matter as this. Let me put you in
a square for 81. Best 1 can DO tor
you; only I wish | could do it for
you tree of charge, but can't"
Zone dollar square. What do you
mean by square? A square paper,
square yard, or square foot, or a
square what p inquired our friend.
The evening light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1881-1883, 1882-02-01

ELECTRICITY is generally recognized
as the power of the future, but it has
furnished some unexpected develop
ments even in the present. A devise
has Just been patented in Germany
which controls the swarming of bees
by electricity. BY a proper arrange
ment Of the wires whole swarms have
been taken off the branches of trees
where they had gently clustered, and
further, upon being properly placated
by battery the insects permit them
selves to be removed from their hives
in body while their honey is being
garnered. The procession seems to
be getting by our own Edison. He
must produce an electrical cow-milker
with an attachment for keeping moths
out of cothes if he wishes to keep IN
sight of the band-wagon.-[St. LOUIS
Globe-Democrat.
Let us call the attention of "our own
Edison" to a discovery by which he
may put altitudinous leagues between
himself and the German patentee.
There can be do doubt that, with his
knowledge of electricity and his prac-
teal experience in utilizing it, rains by
its means may be produced and storms
dispelled, and, in short, the elements
of nature brought under control.
What the hghtnings of heaven yielded
to the philosophy of Franklin has be-
come a fea-bite to what Edison and
his compeers have already accom-
plished in that field. As the absence
or prevalence Of electricity in given Vi
entities in the heavens is the sole cause
of drouth and storm, he will not, when
his wonderful faculties are once brought
to the work be long at loss for meth
DDS that will crown it with success.
Will "our own Edison not proceed to
put these leagues between himself and
the inventive Dutchman!
The evening light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1881-1883, 1882-02-01
VOICE FROM THE CELL.

How Mr.. Forster Treats HIS Prisoners.
The following is a copy of letter
which has been addressed to Mr.. w.
E. Forster. We may say we did not
receive it through the chief secretary's
courtesy:
MAS Prison, January 9, 1882.
To the Right Honorable W. E. Forster, NJ. p,
Chief Secretary:
RIGHT HONORABLE SIR-A fort
night ago Iapplied to you for permis-
sion to see a medical man other than
the med cal officer of the prison. l did
so on the ground that l was suffering
from dangerous and subtle disease,
that of valvular heart disease, and be-
cause l had no kind of confidence in
the ability of the medical officer of the
prison to treat of my especial case.
| did not receive any reply to my ap-
plication, so l conclude that it
has been refused or ignored.
But l. cannot help thinking
that if l had applied to you for my
release on the ground of ill-health, l
should have heard from you before
this. l am sure that every upright
man would say it was an act of gross
and gratuitous tyranny that one al
ready deprived of liberty by law OBJ
tanned through falsehood, and admins
tered in fraud, should furthermore have
his life endangered by being denied
the facilities of receiving medical aid
and advice from those alone capable of
giving it We have heard much OF
Mr.. Forster's humanity, but, If this be
a specimen, say-God save us from
any more of it. And yet, right honor
able sir, such petty injustice and tyran-
ny can only fill those who experience it
with undying hate towards you and the
cause you represent. And when you
have done your worst, they can still
''Be calm, my soul, let state assassins frown
Sufferings like thine ennoble the martyrs
crown.
Nor bolts, nor bars, nor chains can never
bind
To tyrants' will the freedom-loving mind"
l remain right honorable sir, your
obedient servant,
EDWARD J. HOARE.
-1Tipperary.
Waco has a barber shop in which
the operatives are females, and in this
respect, at least, Waco is ahead of any
of her sister towns Exchange.
The razor is some degrees more be-
coming and less dangerous in fair
hands than the ballot; but the female
barber dodge has been repeatedly tried
in places where the beardless "oper-
atives" and the bearded operates
were both more numerous than in
Waco, and have always gone up after
one or two damaging scandals. We
need therefore expect nothing that will
improve civiliza ion from Waco, and
will tortify our minds with patience and
wait on the female ballot movement.
That is probably the champion dodge.
,6ed thA
The evening light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1881-1883, 1882-02-01
Wednesday, Feb. 1, SS2.
EDITORIAL PARAGRAPHS.

A CHAPTER of Scottish rite masons
has been instituted at Austin.
THE Mercer case is to be appealed
to the supreme court.
A SNOW storm at Marshall, Texas,
on the goth ult.
THE governor has pardoned James
Mcdaniel, sentenced to ten years In
the penitentiary for murder.
A sEvEN.FooT vein of camel coal IS
reported at the Rockdale mine of the
Texas Central coal company.
SENATOR BURTON. of Richmond, re-
ports the Wash Jones boom as gath
ering in his district.
CAPT. D. U. BARzIzA, a leading
member of the bar at Houston, died IN
that city on the 29th ult., after long
illness.
GEN. TREv1No has arrived in Laredo,
where he met Mrs. T., and has been
received by the citizens with demon
STATIONS of rejoicing.
ED. CREARY and Geo. Haswell have
the contract for the excavation of the
new capitol, and have begun to fling
dirt already.
A MAN named Hamilton, at Uvalde,
while fooling around shooting gallery,
had his eye shot out aceiientn ly. The
shooting gallery nuisance should be
prohibited by law.
WE TAKE no stock in that credu-
lous journalism which accepts the
theory of polygamous safety through
the miserable expedient of staying, by
threats of scandal, the hands of con-
gressmen engaged in suppressing the
Mormon monster. If these emlssa-
ries from the Mormon slums persist in
assailing honorable members who, in
the discharge of duty, are determined
by iron-handed prescription to stay
the tide of blasphemy and hcentlous-
ness in the polygamous kingdom, let
congress affix the severest penalty to
the failure on the part of the BIAS
phemers to prove the offenses they
charge. This will not fail to close the
mouths of the rascals. Threats are
convenient weapons, but they ought to
have the faculty of recoil.
WE SOMETIMES get out of patience
with the Galveston News and Houston
Post, and turn from their prosy edlto-
rails to the sprightly Galveston Jour
nal or the BRENNAN Banner for re-
lief. The News and Post have the
means and ability to be better edited.
1t can't be possible that the public
they cater to attempt to read their
long-winded, dry editorials; it would
argue a stupidity and dizziness on the
part of the reading Texan, that we
feel sure ne is not guilty Of Yester-
DAYS News comes to us with two col
umns of leading editorial, headed:
"Railroad Competition and Monopo-
ly;" European Cotton Consump-
ton" These two articles may find a
score of readers, but they will be
loafers whose time hangs heavy on
their hands. The Post is not much
better; it devotes its two columns of
leading editorial to Gambetta and SIN
ternal improvements" We feel Ike
shaking these two leading Texas
newspapers up until they open their
eyes.
The evening light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1881-1883, 1882-02-01
ENGLISH NOTES.

Parliament opens on the TIN instant
Queen Victoria, it is said, will be pres
ent, but this is doubted. -
Mr.. J. J. jenkins, ex-mayor of Swan
sea, liberal, has been returned, I'M
opposed, as member of Parliament for
Carmarthen.
A report was current that the re-.
mains of the late Emperor Napoleon
III, had been stolen from the imperial
mausoleam at Chselhurst, but this, we
are glad to say, is unfounded.
The prime minister of England, Mr..
Gladstone, completed his seventy
second year of his age on the 29th of
December last He works wonderful
ly we'll for an old man.
Mr., Bradlaugh, the elected of North
ampton, and rejected Of the house of
commons, announces his intention of
presenting himself on the opening of
parliament to claim his seat. Then
we may expect another compromising
scene.
Chief inspector N. Druscovitch, late
chief Inspector of the metropolitan po-
lice { London), who was in 1878 SEN
fenced to two years imprisonment, for
completely in the "turi frauds" has just
died from consumption. He was only
Al years of age.
An application was made the other
day to arrest the most honorable, the
marquis of Hunty, on the charge of
obtaining $4,000 by false pretenses.
The transaction, it is said, was rather
shady one, but as there is civil suit
IN the same matter, the application
was refused.
An unseemly dispute has arisen as
to whether the Flint county magistrates
or the government should pay the cost
of Mr.. Gladstone's body guard. Sir
William Vernon Harcourt, M. sP.,
home secretary, declines to pay it and
the magistrates have passed the &C
count to be settled by the rate payers
of their county.
Leicester has at a cost of $1o2,ooo
laid out the grounds of Leicester alb
hey ruins as park, and this has just
been opened by the Prince of Wales.
His royal highness was sumptously en-
terta;ned by the mayor, Mr.. Councillor
Jessop, (uncle of Mr. Ryder Taylor, of
San Antonio) and the borough coun-
Gil.
The Mormons have been working
hard in England, and have, it is said,
during the concluding four months of
last year made 1900 converts. These
are mostly young girls and men, and
they have been sent to Utah in large
numbers. Mr.. Gladstone having been
appealed to, says that the government
cannot interfere as the people leave
the country and join the Mormon COM
munity of their own free will.
Some fool called out "fre" the other
night at the Grecian theatre, London,
at time when it was filled with d 900
people. Upwards Of 500 people
passed out in the space of a few min
uteS, when it was discovered that there
was no cause for the alarm, and they
returned. Fortunately no one was
hurt, but this folly might have occa-
stoned in this, as in other instances of
a like character, a terrific loss of life.
A reward of $3.50 is offered for the dis
covery of the man who raised the out
cry, and it is to be hoped that he will
be detected and punished.
The house of commons have had a
sc IL
The evening light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1881-1883, 1882-02-01

ga3 Subscribe for the LIGHT, only ten cents
& WEEKS year.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1882-07-13
Live Stock Market.

Illustrating the natural adapta.
ton and wit of the colored race,
DR.. Allen, Secretary of the Board
of Missions for the Freedmen, OF
the Presbyterian Church, whose
father was a Shareholder, related a
circumstance in the General Assem-
bly,, of the church held in Spring
field, ILL.,, last week, which had come
under his own observation: A little
colored boy was brought before the
overseer to be whipped. He had
been in his watermelon patch.
"What were you there for?''
asked the overseer.
81 wasn't stealing your mellions,' u
was the answer; 'T was prayin'."
"Prayin', were you? Well, l want
to hear you pray now. Down on
your knees and get at it. Pray, or
you'll get the cowhide."
The boy saw he was cornered, but
his wit saved him. Kneeling down,
he raised his eyes and clasped his
hands toward heaven and offered
the following petition: "Lord dis
miss us with Thy blessing
Outline embroidery Oh crash, pongee
or linen will remain the favorite needle
work for idlers in the country during
midsummer weather.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1882-07-13
WAR
Arabl Pasha Will Fight Turkey,
England, and ALI Europe.

The Egyptians arc dispatching large stores
and ammunition to forts on the coast Twenty
thousand arms have been distributed to various
military centers In readiness for srming the
reserves. The distribution Of 10000 more is
ordered. The English and French admirals
have asked their governments TO authorize
commandments " the forts unless the works are
stopped. Arab Pasha returned from Cairo and
expressed bis intention Of fighting Turkey,
England, and all Europe. He says the peculiar
construction OF the forts will enable them to
repel the landing OF 10000 men. Fighting may
begin at any moment.
A statement made 10 the house Of lords would
seem TO show that Cetawayo would soon be
restored todhe Zulu thrcDe.
In the house OF commons, on motion Of Mr..
Gladstone, urgency was voted on the repression
bill, aud the Irish members, with the exception
OF three, withdrew from the house and from
further consideration Of the bill.
The British government announces that the
reserves will be called out on the 10th. The
first English army corps, consisting Of three
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1882-07-13
RESCuED FROM DEATH.

William j. CoughlIn OF Somervile; Mass,
says: IN the fall OF 1875 l was taken with
BLEEDING OF THE LUNGS, followed by severe
cough. lost my appetite and flesh, and was
confined TO my bed. In 1877 WIS admitted
10 the Hospital. The doctors said had hole
in my lung as big as half dollar At one tine
a report went around that l was dead. gave
up hope, bnt friend told me Of DR.. Will
LIAM HALLS BALSAM FOR THE LUNGS.
Igot bottle, when to my surprise, commence
cd to feel better and TO day feel better than for
three years past.
81 write this hoping every one afflicted with
Diseased Lungs will take DIR. WILLIAM
HALLS BALSAM, and be convinced
that CONSUMPTION CAN BE CURED.
I can positively say II has done more good than
all the other medicines have taken since my
sickness.