New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-08-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

It is a terrible come-down for 8 man
to fall out Of q balloon and be obliged to
walk home.
Nantucket has girl pilot only II
years old. Knows all the buoys in the
sound, YOU can bet.
John, what is that scar on your
chimp '.That SCARF Oh, that's relic
Of barberism.''
Julia Ward Howe says women do not
fall In love any more. Perhaps not, but
they continue to have all the symptoms.
1T il always summer somewhere"
remarks the New Orleans Picayupe.
Let ua 60 somewhere next winter.
thas been discovered that the United
States relations with Egypt are very
distant. A careful computation places
them at 1000 miles.
Next We shall have a coat-tail flirta-
ton code. Having the coat-tail covered
with mud will mean: II don't like her
father.''
They toll me you have had some
money left you," said Brown. eyes,"
replied Fogg, sadly, IL left me long
sgo."
Jones, Why do you send your wash
70 Chinaman?' Jones-s'I don't"
''You don'tr'' Jones-'.No; he comes
and gets it,
Princess Beatrice now manages the
royal establishment at al the palaces,
and will not marry anybody. Next
thing you know that woman will buy 9
cat.
A girl who sets out to look graceful
in hammock has as much work on
hand as the man who tries to be languid,
with saw-log following him down a
hill.
Hans Won Bulow, the pianist. is
going to marry woman named Maria
Amalia Katharine Josepha Schauzer.
When she adds Won Bulow she will
have real seven-octave name.
A Denver Cinnamon, who has gone
into the Ice cream business recently, has
the following sign near the door: "You
cstch 'em fleezy belly two bittee all
same Sian Francisco"
Calino's wife goes out to work. The
other day, as she rcproached him for
getting up so late, he replied: "Ah,
madam, I sleep very slowly, and I need
in consequence much more time to re-
pose than you.''
Fogg asserted the other evening that
/ he knew woman who never appended
postscript to letter. Everybody was
astonished until he informed the com.
pany that the woman hs referred to
didn't know how to write.
A desperate man in Bloomington, ILL.,,
advertises for "a cook. good or bad
with or without recommendations. tc
remain for life or only few months. u
He further comedies that "the family
will be docile and obedient''
"What alls youp' asked Jones of Z.
VIGOROUSLY poor actor whom he met thu
other day; s'you look ILL.," $50 am
The doctor says my liver don't act. >
Remarkable likeness between you anc
your liver,'' said Jones.
At a restaurant on Virginia rail
rood traveller threw piece Of pie on
Of the window and had to pay $500 TO-
breaking three ribs of = boy. He didn'
know it was loaded, but they wouldn'
take that excuse.
Two Rochester maidens, enjoying Sill
yer lake, telegraphed their father
Come and bring Bess.' He came AM
with him several kegs Of pale Bohemian
lager. The telegram read "beer'' in
stead of Bess. The mistake was take1
in, of course.
Judge, severely-How do you know
the defendant is 4 married man9 Wer
you ever at his house7 mo, sir.
':Did any body ever tell you they wer
married? mo, sir; but when sec
man and woman como to tho sam
church regularly for three years, occup
the same pew. and have hymn-boo
apiece to sing out of, don't want t
see no marriage certificate. I can swea
to their relation all the time.''