Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-09-28
The Growing Of the Car.

According 10 the latest telegraphic
dispatches the Gar has gone to Moscow
to attend an industrial exhibition. and
not for the purpose of being crowned
This is merely another evidence of the
general worthlessness of Geographic dis
patches, which, like other news, are con.
tinually contradichng the mature iudg-
ment Of leader-writers, aud are, in fact.
the bane of consistent journalism. What
ever the telegraph may say, the Car and
CZarina have gone TO Moscow expressly
to be crowned, and for no other purpose
whatever; but, for reasons Of State and
dynamite, the coronation will be con-
Quoted so privately that no one except
the parties interested and the Archbishop
of Moscow will be present
It is, as is well known, absolutely
necessary that the Gar should be
crowned. Until that ceremony takes
place none Of the other European
monarchs can exchange visits with him,
and he cannot exercise the imperial pre-.
rogative of obtaining discount Of 40
per cent. on the retail price OF all books
and newspapers purchased by him.
There is some doubt as to whether death
warrants of Nihilists signed by him be
fore his coronation are valid, aud, on
the other hand, there are Nihilists who
doubt their right to shoot at an un
crowned monarch. In these circum-
stances it is imperative that the Czsr
should be crowned, and accordingly he
has gone to Moscow for that purpose.
As the Nihilists have also gone to
Moscow with the full intention Of blow
ing up the Gar at the precise moment
when he places the crown on his head,
it is necessary that the ceremony should
be conducted with the utmost caution.
1t is to take place in the large vault of
the Moscow Safe Deposit Company.
This vault is made of iron, three feet in
thickness, and is entered by door the
lock Of which cannot be opened unless
six different persons know the combinA-
ton and unite to unlock it at the same
time. Of these six men the Gar is one,
and hence it is obvious that when he en-
tiers the vault and the door is closed be-
hind him it cannot be opened again
without his consent and aid.
Into this vault will enter at the an
pointed time the Gar and the Czarina
and the Archbishop Moscow, the lat
ter carrying two crowns-One large one
and one small one-in carpet-bag
The door of the vault will then be in
stantly closed, and force of fifty thous-
sand soldiers will be drawn up in front
of it to protect it from any murder0us
Nihilist The Archbishop, in the safety
and secrecy of the vault, will proceed to
ask the Gar and Czarina the usual
questions, such as what are their
names, an N or NJ, as the case
may be, whether they are Of full
age and have the consent Of their parents
to their coronation, and whether their
appearance for coronation is an act OF
their own free will and accord. These
questions being answered in the affirma-
tive, the Archbishop will then place the
large crown on the head of the Gar and
the small crown on the head OF the
Czsrina, and will instruct them to wear
their crowns day and night until dyna-
mite shall part them, and may Heaven
have mercy on their imperial souls.
AS soon as the ceremony is over the
Archbishop will give the monarch GER
tifcate of coronation, the bands outside
the vaults will strike up the national
hymn, and the Car and the Czarina, is.
suing from the vault, Will ride home
ward in the midst Of a hollow square
formed by the troops and carrying steel
umbrellas to protect them from dyna-
mite dropped from Nihllistic balloons.
Admirably as this plan seems to con-
bine safety from Nihilists with an i'm
pressive and elaborate coronation cere-
mony, it has one weak point which no.
body seems to have noticed AS has
been said the Gar is one of the six men
who know the combination of the vault
lock, and his aid is necessary whenever
the door of the vault is to be opened,
The other five men are Ignaitieff, Gorts
chakOff. the Chief Of Police, the Empe.
rOr's private chaplain, and the President
OF the Safe Deposit Company. Now, in
asmuch as the door can only be unlocked
from the outside, how will it be pos
sible to unlock it when the Gear is inside
the vault and the door has been locked
the lock being spring lock? Nothing
is clearer than that the Gar, the Czarina
and the Archbishop will never get out Of
that vault, for no locksmith can pick the
lock, and no dynamite can blow the door
open. The unhappy monarchs and the
equally unhappy Archbishop will perish
or slow starvation, and their friends will
be enabled to bury them only by bury
ing the entire vault under a mound of
earth.
1t is to be hoped that it will occur to
the Gar before it is too late that his plan
CT protecting himself from the Nihilists
while undergoing coronation will protect
him altogether too much. What he
ought to do is to send for notary public
to come to his palace in st. Petersburg
and crown him quietly in his
bOmb-proof dining room There is no
doubt that a notary public has as much
right to crown a Gar as to take the
Cars acknowledgment of a death
warrant. The notary would, of
course, have to examine the
Czarina separate and apart from her
husband and ascertain that she had con-
sented to be crowned voluntarily and
without any fear or compulsion on the
part of her said husband; but
were this be done, and the no
tary's certificate to be drawn
up in due form, the coronation of the
Car and Czarina would be held good by
any court of justice in any part Of
Europe, and they would have the right
to practice as mOnarchs anywhere within