davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union., 1882-12-09
IN A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU.
al want to find a rich wife. &"

/
This was the introductory remark Of
W. y HeyaH representative to new
ly-establishedm matrimonial bureau in this
city. The matrimonial functionary was
a German with brown wig, little
tuft Of gray hair plastered over his bald
forehead, innocent baby blue eyes,
glowing red cheeks and a white, thick
mustache withimperial of equally snowy
color. Happy as he looked il was not
matrimony, he confessed, that made
him so-for he was, alas | a widower.
"What kind ?" he queried.
al should like one with sIoo, ,ooo,"
was the bold reply.
The old gentleman was very honest
about it. "a hundred thousand dol
lar" said he, speaking with funny
German brogue, sis too much money.
We haven't got many Of that sort
You'd better come down in your ideas
a little"
"What's the very best you can dol"
"Well VIC have an old German widow,
who says she is worth Sso,ooo but she
is awfully cross and ugly. I'm afraid
you wouldn't like her."
"Never mind about that. Has she
really got the $50, 900 ?"
This conversation took place in the
rear apartment of a barely.furnish-
ed, empty-looking first huor in a side
street between the Bowery and Broad
way.
'Can you show me photographs of
some OF your clieEts ?" was asked.
ayes, but we always require a cash
payment of $40 in advance before we
60 into the affair"
"And in case OF marriage 2"
"We expect a percentage on the
amount you get-say one and half to
two per cent"
"DOcs this business pay ?"
"ln Europe, splendidly. There are
fifty bureaus Of this character in Berlin.
In London the principal firm in the bus
mess has made 100 900 out Of it,"
"What is the condition OF the mairi-
monial market just now"
"Very good, indeed. We've got a
rich Californian who wants to marry
a poor girl without money. We have
clergyman who says he won't take one
OF his parishioners in the country, and
has come 10 us to supply his need of
wife. Oh, there are such cases"
''But these are excepiions?"
"Of course most men want money
lots of money"
"And the women ?"
"They are not so particular about
that; they are generally more anxious
about getting married than about money.
Money or no money, they all want to
get husbands. "
"Does the prevailing taste among
men run towards bruneites or blondes?"
"Brunettes, should say. Most Of
our gentlemen consider blondes insipid.'
"And the i.sie among women ?"
"Oh, they are not so fanciful about
beauty As the men are. All they want
is 4 good husband. and just enough
money TO keep them nicely"
"Where do you arrange meeting1"
either here before or after Office
hours, or outside, il the parties prefer"
"And for the $40 how long can | keep
up the search for rich old widow ?"
.'For six months"
"What nationalities do you find use
4 matrimonial bureau the mos,?"
Americans, English and German.
You hardly ever find ar Irishman going
to one-ihey all seem to arrange their
own matches" The old man added
resignedly; "lt's economy, l suppose
they want to save the fee.
The Baltimore County union., 1882-12-09
OLD PEOPLE.

What human being knows so entirely
his fellow-creature's inner and outer life
that he dare pronounce upon crotchety
habits, peculiar manners of dress, &C.
centric ways Of life or modes OF thought,
which may have resulted from the unre-
corded bu, never obli,eraied history Of
years II is mostly the old who are
"odd," and when the young laugh at
them, how do they know they are not
laughing At what may be their own fate
some day? Many OF popularity may have
sprung from some warped nobility of
nature, many an eccentricity may have
originated in the silen, tragedy Of
lifetime. OF necessity, "odd" people
are solitary people. They may dwell
in 4 crowd and do their duty in large
family, but neither the crowd nor the
family understand them, and they know
it. They do not always feel it, that is,
not to the extent of keen suffering, for
their very oddi,y makes them suficien,
to themselves, and they have ceased to
expect the sympathy which they know
they cannot get. The tide OF life is al
most sure TO be At its ebb with those
whom We call odd people. Z. Young peo-
pie have, in 4 sense, no right to be odd.
They have plenty of years before them,
and will meet in the world enough attri-
ton to rub down their angles and make
them polished and pleasant to all be-
holders. Early singularities are gener-
ally mere affectations. But when time
has brought to most Of us the sad "too
late," which in many things we all must
| find more or less, the cases is different.
Therefore il becomes the generation
which is still advancing to show to that
which is just passing away, tenderness,
consideration and respect, even in spite
of many harmless weaknesses.
A MATRIMONIAL WONDER. One of the
marvels of Saratoga is a couple from the
South, who have been regular visitors
for fourteen seasons. These two have
been married twenty-four years, but the
wife still addresses the husband as
"dear" and he still calls her ''darling, :"
and is quite as attentive and deferential
10 her as he is TO the wives Of other men.
They are both affable and sociable, fond
Of company, but they always are togeth-
er and always enjoy everything in CON-
mon. The weary husbands who are al
ways inventing some excuse to avoid at
tendance on their families look at HIM
with unbounded curiosity and surprise,
while she is gazed at with unconcealed
envy by her less fortunate sisters. l
must not omit to add however, that this
lady is wonderfully preserved both as
to face and figure, dresses richly and in
good taste, and her husband can take
as much pride in her charms as when
she was COY maiden, twenty-five years
ago. Perhaps il she had lost her beauty
and freshness-but ! will not spoil this
little idyl.
The Baltimore County union., 1882-12-09
A LITERARY CURIOSITY.
A Remarkable Poem ~ Which Thirty
Eight Poets Contribute Line Each.

The following very remarkable little poem Is n
contribution 10 the San Francisco Times from the
pen Of Mr.. II. A. Deming. The reader will SEQ
that each line Is quotation from some one Of tho
standard authors Of England and America. This
is the result Of years Of laboTious search among the
voluminOus writings Of thirty eight leading poets
cf the past and present. The number Of each line
refers 20 its author below:
I. why al this toll for triumphs Of an hourl
?. Life's Q short summer, mans aower.
3. by turns We catch the vital breath and die;
Z. The cradle and the tomb. alas! 90 nigh.
s. To be is better far than not 10 be,
9. Though all mons lives may seem tragedy;
!. But light cares speak when mighty gFiefs are
dumb.
$. The bottom 10 but shallow whence thoy come.
'. Your fate is but the common fato Of all
10. Unmingled joys here no man can befAll.
II. Mature to each allots It's proper sphere;
u. Fortune makes folly her peculiar care.
-. Custom does often reason override,
n. And throw . cruel sunshine on fool.
10 Live well; how long or abort, permit 10 heaven;
l6. They who forgive most shall be most forgiven.
V. SIN may be elasPea 90 close Ne cannot see lie
rs. Vile intercourse where virtue has no place.
10. Then keep each passion down. however dear,
20. Thou pendulum betwixt n smile and tear.
81. Her sensual snares let faithess pleasure lay,
%. With craft and skill 20 ruin and betray.
%. Soar not too high 10 fall. but stoop to rise,
~. We masters grow Of all that We despise.
25. oh. then, renounee that impious self. esteem
70. Riches have wings and granduer Is . dream.
~. Think not ambition wise because It's bFsyo;
Is. The path Of glory leads but 90 the grave.
70. What Is ambition 'Tis q glorious cheat
30. Only destructive TO the brave and great.
~. What's all the gaudy glitter Of q CROWN
~. The way Of bliss lies not on beds Of down.
10. How long We live. not years. but actions. tell
~. That man lives twice who lives the first life we'll.
ID. Make then, while yet We may, your God your
friend,
30. Whom Christians worship. yet not omprehend.
~. The trust that's given guard; AMI to yourself
be just,
81. For live we how We can, die We must.
], Young; ?, DIR. johnson /; ). Pope: I, Prior;
), seweil; q, Spencer; :, Daniel; 3, Sir Walter
Scott; o, Longfeilow: 10, southwcll; II, Con
greve; IL, Churchill I3. Rochester; u. Arm
strong; IS. Milton; Ie, Bailey u, Trench; Is,
sOmersiIls; 10, Thompson; 20, Byron; 81, smol-
lett; %, crabbe; %, Massinger; -. Cowiey; IS,
Beattie; 90, Cowper; %. Sir Walter Devenant;
2s, Gray 30. Willis 80, Addison 81, Dryden;
80. Francis Charles; 81, Watkins; -. Hcrriek;
IS, WIN. Mason &c. Pill; ~, Dana; rs, Shaks-
peare.
The Baltimore County union., 1882-12-09
AMY AND EVERYTHING

SEWING MACHINE.
Any make Repaired and Rebuilt equal 10 nsw
beth In appearances and utility at The old establish
ed 0aies and FaeioFy Of Fred. W. Wtld's,
- n. Gay 1t., opposite Odd Fellows Hall.
Agent for the cslebraisd koYAL 81. JoHN and
alI other arst-elass machines. t0ot-li, ,'s7y.
The Baltimore County union., 1882-12-09

sWThe right kind ola dog in yard
is a terrier to evil doers.
The Baltimore County union., 1882-12-09
BLOWN UP on A STEAMBOAT.

From brake. Myg1siss.
"Did you ever meet with an accident
while travelling ?" inquired the reporter,
OF sober.looking individual, as they
81, smoking on the upper deck of a
Sound steamer.
"Well dom, know whether j; was
an accident or not," he replied, "bu; |
was once blown up on 4 steamboat" ,"
"Ah!" calculated the scribe. as he
whipped on, his pencil and notebook
"tell us about it,"
Lighting fresh cigar. the serious
chap began
at was in the summer of -, and |
had just completed big contract up At
Albany. and secured passage for myself
and wife on one of the steamboats, for
New York. Being very tired, We went
directly to our stateroom. Just as |
began TO dozc. my better half exclaimed,
John where are the checks for our
baggage?'
"'Don't know | growled.
"'But didn't you have the trunks
sen, abroad ?.
"'Guess not, says |.
"'Wcll, YOU are nice one. youarc "
she shrickcd. Don't you know, you
illus,rious, half.baked idiot, that all my
best clothes are in those trunks ? Don't
YOU know, YOU miserable villin, that
every valuable have in this world is
in ,ha, baggagc?'
"She KEEP, up running fire of abuse
nearly all night long. could hear her
in my sleep, and when | told her, Is
soon as she became exhausted, that the
baggage had been sent by rail, she start
ed off again with the furore OF mad
bull"
Here he stopped and re Ii, his cigar.
"You must have had 4 hard time OF
it," said his companion. ''but how
abou, the accident?"
"why, I've just been telling you," he
replied.
"wcll, there's nothing brilliant in
that"
"Therc isn't, eh I? Ii you've never
been blown up on a steamboat by mad
woman than you don't know anything
about explosions-that's all"
He flung the stump of his cigar owe
the rail, and went below to seek the Sc
clusion that the cabin grants.
| -
MATCHING MAS SwITcH.-Onc o
those unnaturally bright children wh'
are always getting people into Difficult
ties was at a prayer meeting the othe
evening with his mother, when he asked
aloud:
"Ma, say ma--who was Dinal
Moore ?''
"Hu-u-sh," whispered his moihe
cautiously, "it's n hymn"
"No, it amt ma," continued tn
hopeful, "it's woman's name say, ma
who is it that's going home to Dinal
Moore p
"Willic," said his mother in ghastl,
voice, "you're disturbing the meeting
Itmeans going to heaven to die no more.
"Dine no more oh, ma, don't the,
eat up thcrc1 7"
His mother explained as well as sh
could, and Willie sat still for half amin
ute, his bright eyes rowing about th
church. Then he asked in shrill whis
per:
"Ma, is God out Of town 2"
"N-o-o-o, no, no." answered the dis
tracted woman family.
"Then what's Mr.. Kelly running thi
meeting for, map" continued the swee
child.
The choir sung him down, but as tn
meeting closed with a moment Of silen
prayer, his gentle voice was distinctl
heard saying:
"Old Mrs. Jones' switch don't mate
her hair like yours does, ma"
The Baltimore County union., 1882-12-09
nR. L. j. PEARCE
Would respectfully inform his friends aud the pub
lie tha, he has removed his Dental Offices and
Laboratory from No. 1876 nnsyivAnia Avenue to
$50 Pennsylvania Avenue.
BErwEES HoFrHAN ASp DoLrHIx SrREErs,
BALTIMORE.

where he Is fully prepared. with the most recent
appliances. TO practice all branches of the Dental
Profession. lie will exert himself to please all his
patrons. and by special effort will endeasor to Sc.
cure the mos; comfort possible TO those who mus;
have teeth extracted BY nsuring such an absolute
ly painless operation. through the use Of Nitrous
Oxide Gas. This will be perfectly pure and fresh
a, every administration and is generated ia the
latest and most approved apparatus Of the period.
The instrument Is the only one in the State Of
Maryland and one Of the few in the United States.
OF eour'e. gas inhaled from such an apparatus il,
as pure a. the air breathe and il entirely harm.
less. therefore any one wishing 20 secure the ab.
solutsy painless extraction their teeth or having
any kind Of Dental work 20 be done can be accom-.
modated by visiting the Dental Rooms Of
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-12-30

the people will abandon the Demo-
cratic party.
The day u political fanatics and
81 narr0w-nniDded political big0ts IL
going cut into TnoonIess and end.
Iess night; and the day Of business
poIities f. dawning-da wing a.
brightly az the smile Of blessing.
Home ma nufactures, home mar
kete, good wages for the Ia
boger, good prices for the farmer
and diversified agriculture:
protective tariff will give us these;
and these viii give ne nchee, prOe-
perfty, good schools, good road, a
higher civilization, divfner NOR
atty.
Let us not put the smoked glass
of political prejudice over our eyes,
ard wiIfolIy tumble into the free
trade ditch.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-12-30
sSLAsDEggG SOUTHERN PEOPLE,

The paper published below evil
IDENTIFY has determined To mo
nopoIizs @the publication of sland-
eroug articles against the Southern
people" IT says tho CHgOsIcLE
shall not publish any.
We are willing it shall have all
this business u itseIf
In recent iesue, it says that the
people who are eTnigrating west
ward from East Tennessee, Hmay
nceU he spnred ~ Mrtfttess
zet who give place to new capital
and fndustry."
The Tribune IA srnartIng under
the censure IT IL receiving because
Of it, "sIanderOus article" against
our own home people, and all their
kith and kin.
Az an evidence Of the thriftless-
ness 0f this @thriftess set," we give
few u the "set.n Senator John
r. Morgan, Of Alabama, was spar
ed" from McMinn County; Senator
A. II. Garland, Of Arkansa9, was
"spsredn from Upton County; Rep
regentative g. VI. Shelley, Of Ala
bams, was "spared" from Sullivan
County; Representative T. VI. Gun
ter, Of Arkansas, WAS "epareP
from Middle Tennessee; Rep
regentafive T. j. Hender-
son, Of Illinois, was spared"
from Haywood County; Represen-
tative f. W. R1bert.on, Of L0uisi-
ana, was "spared" from Davidson
County; Representative John H..
Reag If Texas, was "rp fred" from
Sewer County, and Representative
George w. Jones, Of Texas, was
"spars d" from Upton County.
II will thus be seen that out Of the
"thriftless sep who have been
"spsred" from Tennessee, two are
now in the United States Sen ate
and six are in the United States
House If Representatives.
And yet the Tribune charges the
CHRosIcLE with "the pub ication
Of slandcrous articles against the
Southern peoplep
Oh-h-h-hl
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-12-30
KILLED BY HER LOVER.
Death Of Young Lady by the Acci-
dental Discharge Of Her Lovers
Pistol

SYRACUSE N. Y DaceynheE- 2G.vr
enacted in this community was that
OF this afternoon, when Miss Imo-
gene Lewis, respected and beauti-
full Young lady, met her death in
stantly from the premature discharge
OF her lovers revolver. She had but
time TO address few loving words
TO her betrothed before breathing
her last. The particulars of the sad
affair, as learned this evening, are
contradictory to the rumors that
were rife earlier in the day, when it
was noised about that it was case
OF murder. Miss Lewis lived in
Diamond street, and had received
the addresses Of Mr.. George w.
Gates for some time, and
THEIR WEDDING WAS ANNOUNCED
for the near future. Preparations of
an elaborate nature were already I'M
der way. This afternoon Mr.. Gates
called upon Miss Lewis, and, at her
solicitation, was rearranging some of
the evergreens about the chandelier.
He had mounted step-ladder and
was engaged with the decorations,
when u 32-calibre revolver fell from
his outside coat@pocket, and in it's
descent struck the ladder, and one Of
the chambers was exploded. Miss
Lewis was standing near, and the
ball struck her in the neck. She fell
to the floor, but, before Mr.. Gates
could reach her, arose, but only to
fall into his arms with the remark:
ooh, George, you have killed me
you have killed me y He supposed
her exclamation was caused by fright,
and endeavored to quiet her, but
SHE POINTED TO THE BULLET-HoLE
in her neck and asked for her smells
ing-salts. She was able to walk to
settee, but expired Immediately.
Mr., Gates was frantic with grief, and
rushed into the street like mad and
gave the alarm. To tho coroner,
who was summoned, he said, be,
tween bis sobs: 81 loved and cher
ished the young lady, and she per
fectly worshiped me-" When asked
concerning his practice of carrying
n weapon he said: 81 have not been
accustomed to carry q revolver. 1
bought this one to shoot dogs in the
outskirts of the city when out riding
On Sunday started for a drive, and
slipped my revolver into my outside
coat pocket, and it remained there
till to-day, when this terrible catas-
trophe has overtaken me-" No one
was IN the room at the time of the
tragedy, but Mr.. Gates account of
the affair Is fully credited.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-12-30
Gener Grants Retirement.

The New York Tribune, in the
matter of the proposed retirement
of General Grant, says:
There is a bill on the calendar of
of the House proposing to place
General Grant ON the retired list of
the army with the same rank that he
would have held bad he not been
called from the military service to
the office OF President. The Senate
passed tne bill at the last session,
and we trust that the House on re-
assembling after the holidays will
concur in its enactment promptly,
cordially, and, if it were possible,
we would fain say unanimously.
Whatever differences of opinion
may exist as to the wisdom of his
course as President, all men of all
parties will agree that during the
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-12-30

war General Grant rendered TO his
eounsry services Of iIestimable
yalue-serviees deserving every
honorable recognition from the
Government Of the Union be aided
30 greatly IN saving. In the public
opinion Of the generation nov living,
and 10 the Judgment Of impartial his
tory, yet 10 be written, five men az
tanned rank Of merit for generalship
above and beyond the greet host Of
heroic commanders who battled
against the rebellion Of these,
Thomas and Meade sleep Ia honored
graves; Sherman il alone TO 20 On
tbs retired list with the full RANK and
pH If General; Sheridan will IN a
short time assume command IF tie
array with the rank Of Lieutenant-
General, which il 10 be his for life.
It il not altogether a pleasant
thought that the man who cane out
If the war conspicuous above all
others for hig military skill, for his
services, and his renown, should be
left IN the afternoon and evening VI
bis life, unrecognized On the rolls Of
the army he did 50 much 70 immor-
tahze.
The Chicago Tribune heartily coLl-
ours in the above recommendation,
which il In line with what has been
advocated in It's columns many times.
Congress has been too sIow IN this
matter. Il was due TO General Grant
AZ soldier aud 70 his distinguished
services 10 the country that this
marx Of distinction should have been
conferred upon him before this time,
and now that the bill Is On the House
calendar it should be passed without
any delay. So far as Republic
cans are concerned there viii be
no difference Of opinion be-
tween Stalwartg and anti Stall
warts, however much they may dis
agree On other things. They will
agree that this honor is due 10 the
General in consideration'cf his great
military skill, persistence, courage,
and hopefulUess III the time Of the
country'g peril The prompt pas
cage OF the bill is not only a matter
Of justice in placing him again in his
proper relation to the army which he
led to victory, but will be a proof
that this country is not ungrateful
10 those who rescued her from dan
ger. Let the bill pass.-Chicago
! Tribune.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-12-30

G. w. Siemens, who has had con-
siderable experience with phenomena
Of heat, has developed q new theory
Of solar heat. This theory is based
on the assumption that the planetary
space is flied with vapors Of water
and carbonic acid gas in a dissociated
state. These elements are supposed
10 be drawn towards and within the
photosphere Of the sun, where, In
being again caused 10 combine, they
are returned to the universe as pro-
ducts Of combustion, having refur-
nished part Of solar heat. Siemens
himself attaches no more Importance
to this theory than should be accord>
cd TO any unattested hypothesis, bnt
the course taken by the servants Of
the Royal Society, to whom he had
submitted his theory for criticism, is
interesting and Characteristic. The
mathematicians and physicists Of the
society confined themselves to criti-
cising the chemical aspects of the
theory, while the chemists approved
Of the chemical proportions Of the
theory, but expressed their doubts as
to the mathematical correctness of
the same.
Governor-elect Cleveland, of New
York, began life as teacher of the
blind. What an excellent experience
for one who wishes to become a
leader of the Democratic party
Baltimore American.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-12-30
a PROTECTIVE TARIFF.

The Nashville American and
the Chattanooga Times are the two
Democratic papers of Tennessee
that mix most business into their
politics. They ere edited by men who
have heads of their own; and the
result IL they spit upon repudia ion
and upon free trade.
These two able papers step out
from the ranks of the; Democratic
party on the tariff question and de-
clare that n protective tariff is the
salvation Of the South.
Such weak-eyed partisans a. the
Chattanooga Democrat and the
Knoxville Tribune, who say their
prayers every day to Isham G.
Harris, are happy only when doing
the will Of their divinity.
Yesterdays American says:
we intend to assert and prove
these things in this discussion, to-
wit:
al. That free trade, or Traffic for
revenue only, will prove destruc-
tive to all our manufacturing inter-
ests, unless our laboring people are
made to work as cheap as the labor
ing people of Europe work, and
that neither capitalists nor labor
ing people of this country will con-
sent to this for the sake Of the
Democratic party.
az. That our farmers in Tonnes
see, when they SEQ the advantage
Of home market, as the farmers
OF Pennsylvania, Ohio and Indiana
have, will be unwilling to support
free trade, even in the interest OF
Democracy; they will take care Of
themselves rather than the party"
Here Is an open, bold, emphatic
declaration, by the leading Demo
cratic paper in Tennessee, that the
Republican doctrine of prote ctive
tariff Ii best for the manufacturer,
the laborer and the farmer.
The Democratic party must
abandon It's heresy of free trade or