Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-07-20
SUNBEAMS.
A China dish-Rats.

The candle-wick is up to snuff.
Sic transit-An ambulance wagon.
Is an undertaker's shop bier saloon9
Florida has something to cry over. It
Is an onion fourteen inches long.
We get up to ask--Who goes bail IN
the holy bonds of wedlock?
A Jersey conductor of funerals dis.
plays the sign, ga, Stiff, undertaken"
In the case of defunct insurance
company, very commonly The receiver
is as bad as the thief.
ruin sees thee, rootless thinp?" as
the dentist said when he broke off the
patients tooth.
A western man says it, though"
spells tho, and "eight" spells ate. and
''beaux" spells bose, then potatoes
should be spelled "poughtejghteaux."
An old couple tried coffee and boiled
now sitting on the corner of cloud in
the sweet eventually.
The difference between the pawner
and the pawnee is this: The latter
watches his prey until he gets it, and
the former preys for bis watch, but
doesn't get it.
There is teacher of the musical in-
strument known as the either, ir this
city, and he picks up a good many
scholars as he rushes hither and either.
Wanted Particulars. Don't be dis
courged, my son, but take heart"
Should be delighted, father" was the
reply; "but whose heart shall |
take?"
Nothing so helps newspaper as the
imparting of useful information. How
shall | keep ants out of the sugar bowl 81
asked a correspondent. "Fill the sugar
bowl with salt" promptly responds
the editor.
A man may be sufficiently intoxica-
ted to wipe himself on the mornings
newspaper and sit down to read the
towel. but never drunk enough to pull
a STOPPER from bottle, throw the latter
away and drink the cork, even if it
would serve him as life preserver.
A st. Louis burglar broke into a
house where a heightened wedding had
occurred, and stole the siverware that
had been given as presents to the happy
couple. The next day, after he had
tried several pawn-shops, he wrote an
insulting letter TO the bridegroom,
accusing him of palming of plated
ware on an innocent burglar, and tell
ing him where he could find his con-
founded pot-metal in undergrad.
The man went and got his presents,
and he says will whip the burglar on
sight.
If man tears his-his-well, his
clothes in church, is it pew-rent p
Washington Critic. 1t may be for aisle
we know, but we'll inchoir. Still, if it
we're done sermoniously and without
hyssop- osition, we think it would altar
the case.
Where anger rises, think of the con-
sequence. -StiH,odter Lumbernan. But
one don't have time if the woman has
red hair.-Toledo american. And is
flourisning a rolling pin about your
head. -Neac Jersey Enterprise.
A doctor says that alcohol has killed
more people than yellow fever, and the
consulting physician of the Boston Post,
from the profundity of q wide expert
ence, announces that death from alco-
hol is much pleasanter than any other
She decorated her room with bric-a.
brac and pictures, and placed her has,
bands photo on the topmost nail. Then
she sat down to admire her work, and
blissfnlly remarked, "Now everything
is lovely, and the goose hangs high"
A box of fish hooks, penknife and
a snuff box were taken from the body
of Georgia alligator. The fact that
no spurs, paper collars, or double-bar-
reid shotguns were found leads the
people to think that the amphibian
must have lunched on northern man.
Pursuit is preferable to attainment.
Two Michigan men, got into boat to
chase bear. The bear climbed into
the boat, and the men got out and
chased the state of Michigan half a
mile before they caught it.
A North Carolina husband shot him.
self because his wife would not pull of
his boots.-Lows. Citizen. She prob
ably feared that if he used her for
bootjack his next move would be to
throw her out of the window at cats.
What ls your nsme? asked teach
er of a boy. "My name is JULIE" was
the reply; whereupon the teacher i'm
pressively said, "you should have said,
Julius, sir And now, my lad" turn
ing to another boy, "what is your
name?" "Bllious, SIR"
A policeman in neighboring city
lately took a prisoner to the station
and laid the following complaint
against him. "The prisoner set upon
me, calling nae an ass a precious dolt,
a scarecrow, a ragmutfin and an idiot,
all of which | certify to be true"