The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-01-31
Sense and Mnuse,tse.

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/ Patti wears fur coat the late EN-
press Of Russia gave her, that is worth
S5. 600.
The ladies wear the poke bonnet be-
cause it is easier to SCOOP in the young
3gentlemen.
Il 1t is said that Chicago has so 900
| girls working at the various trades for
leverage wages of 81 week.
i Never GO back on an old friend. even
liz he is rich, and cannot see you as cas-
lily as be used tosin passing.
1t is said that in ten years nearly all
,iiss!se girls will play on the violin. Some
II Of them already have beaus. -
4 The best description we have ever
heard of slow man was that he was
too slow TO get out of his own way.
i Ex-senator Thurman likes Postmas-
ter General Howe personally and is grati-
fed because of his appointment.
/ "Do you think you'll be able to pull
throughf ?" anxIously inquired the nee
die of the thread. "E.e guess So" was
the curt response.
| You can't pick up paper which
hasn't its "sure cure for smallpox" and
yet we hear of no cases not treated in
the old fashioned way.
A fashion j,urnal says that "plump
girls are no longer popular" Correct;
j it's the slim girl with plump fortune
| that now takes the cake.
4 One of our policemen who had been
laid up with sore head remarked that
while he had felon on finger he
couldn't lay finger on felon.
The Boston Post can see no reason
why Cinnamon should not become po
lice officers. They do not speak the
English language very well, but neither
does drunkard.
A New Jersey school boy secured a
weeks extra vacation by placing a tor
pedo where the schoolmaster would step
on it. Nothing is impossible to seri.
Gus. thinking boy.
A woman whose first husband had
eloped with a pretty servant girl, vac
cinsted the second as soon as she got
him with muciage. She thought that
would make him stick.
Mistress: "Bridget, l really can't al
low you to receive your sweetheart in
the kitchen any longer" Bridget:
"Thank you, kindly, mum, but he's too
bashful for the parlor."
81 say, mister" asked dirty looking
chap, twill that dog bite2 "Guess
not" replied Fogg "He won't bite you;
or, at least. l wouldn't if l were dog
You'd have to wash yourself first"
A thousand men can go to work at
o'clock in the morning without the ring
ing OF bell, and why is 1t that 800
PEI 'ple. cannat assemhle in a church with-
out previous ding-ionging lasting half
an hour2
There is a discussion in Ohio con.
corning whether pastors have a right to
kiss other peoples wives and daughters.
A few husbands and fathers can settle
the dispute when they have a few mo-
ments' leisure
In Sparta it was law that men should
worship the gods with as little expense
as possible. There are now enrolled on
the church books in the Uuited States
enough Spsrans to make three thousand
new Thermopy "a.
LAZY customer: "Wlll you please d.
rect me to the dress depa,tmen ?"
Obiiging f>or walker Certainly; walk
this way" Lady customer: "My dear
sir, | couldn't walk that way if prac.
ticed for two years.
Captain John Brooks, who lately died
at Bridgeport, Connecticut, left in his
will an injunction that his remains be
strictly kept from the view OF every
body, except the undertaken. He de
sired TO be remembered as he was when
alive.
A New York jeweler says that three
out OF every four men who come into
his store come to buy. bat only one wo-
man out of Sven comes to decision.
One lady paid twenty-three visits to his
store before buying a thirty-dollar
Hatch.
AS far as our experience goes we can
not see that young lady's hand is any
warmer in seal skin muff than it used
to be in the old-fashioned "mush- guash"
kind. To be sure our experience is
more limited now than formerly-but
what's the use of torturing ourselves
with sweet memories Of the sleighrides
of the past.
Some little girls in Brooklyn Sun
day school were studying the history of
David, the passage for the day being
that which describes the shepherd boys
victory over Goliath. The teacher asked
the question: Nov, can any Of you
little girls tell me who killed the giant p
Qaick as thought one of the smallest
responded, "Jack."
No, he didn't feel strong enough to
push baby wagon, although it was a
iae, bracing day, and his wife said the
exercise would do him good: but in the
tap-room that evening it took three men
to keep him from licking the apothecary's
clerk, who wanted to bet him drinks
that he wouldn't dare to tell him how he
became bald headed.
In the summer the mosquito,
The ,petulant mosquito,
| Around you comes buzzing.
And makes you sal appear;
But in the windy winter
1t is the airy SNOWFALL
That skins along the highway
And takes you on the ear.-Puck.
! "Ob, what rapture!" remarked Adolf
phus, as he clasped his fair one in his
arms. "Oh, what raped yer ? friend
inquired shortly afterward, as he obscrv-
ed Adolphus trying to get his head ami
a large.sized bump into his hat at
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