The news., 1882-03-23
MY BROTHER OUT WEST.

out West, wants me to buy razol
strop and suitable present for {
young lady, and send them to him."
II didn't know that razor stroE
was a suitable present for young
LADY," replied Mrs. Spoopendpke, who
was busy mixing catnip tea and
caught the remark imperfectly.
at would be suitable present fol
some dod gasted married women if il
would sharpen 'em up anyl retorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Who said any.
thing about razor strop and young
LADY, What I remarked was that my
brother out West wants me to buy
him razor strop and a present suita-
bic for a young lady. Now, l can
get the strop, but | don't understand
what kind of a present he wants."
"Let me see," said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, her shopping instincts arising
to the surface. 'sDoes he say what
kind of a young lady she is?"
"No he doesn't, /" roared Mr.. Spoop-
endyke "He leaves something to the
imagination Of the reader. l suppose
she's got aims and legs, cause if.she
hadn't he would probably have men,
toned it. What he wants is a pres
ent for an average women; what can
we get for herr"
off / knew whether she was a
blonde or brunette, I could tell bet
ter what she would like" replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke, who, like the rest of
her sex, always associated a woman
with the color that becomes her best.
"Do you suppose he means something
for her to wear or some ornament for
her house? You see 1 don't know
whether she keeps house or boards or
lives at home."
s.. "What difference does that maker"
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke. She's
probably human being but well
suppose that she roosts in tree
Does that help you any3 Can you
think ofsomething useful for female
who roosts in a tree and hops with
light-hearted skips from Dough to
Dough like . dod gasied old crown"
"You might buy her toilet set,"
suggested Mrs. Spoopeudyke, taking
refuge in woman's one idea of an
appropriate present for another
woman. 4
''6he don't want q toilet ses," shou.
ted Mr.. Spoopsndyke, any mors'n she
wants the chicken poxl You want to
think Of something that is pretty and
st the same time you can use. Now
think
Chow would one Of the new rainted
porsslaia flower pots dog'' vsntursd
Mrs Epoopendyke.
= I. {
"Thas's IT." howled Mr.. spoopen.
dyks. "a Eowsr.pot With = neasly
saucer under 1t to plant the tree In
when II gets cold, One with broken.
legged bugs painted on the outside,
and hole in the bottom 50 she can
use it in the spring for spy glassl
That's the idea! A four dollar flower
pot for six cent rose bush with the
blind stageers aud q touch Of The pip.
Where's the pots Fetch forth the
highly seasoned aower.potr" and Mr.
6poopendyks leaned back 10 his chair
and glaEed at his wife. F
ar tell you what will do my dsar,"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, approaching
the next suggestion cautiously, "ehy
not send her an album"
"You mean one Of those books for
a lot Of idiots to wish they we're dead
IMP asked Mr., spoopendyke, suspi-
ciously. ais
NO" replied Mrs. SpOOpendyke;
SO photograph album"
Don't want it," shifted Mr.. Epoop-
endyke, CONTEMPORARY, "You mean
that sort Of . thug that a girl always
brings out after tea and says: "That's
ma, and that's pc, and thst's uncle
81, and that's aunt Vim and her little
boy, and that's aunt Fie, and that's
uncle Jess, and that's my niece; Mel
lie, amt she sweet? And that's dog
We used to own, aud I don't know
who that is, aud that's Clara Morrisl
Don't want itp' And Mr.. Spoopen-
dykes voice rose to steam whistle
pitch. oppose Tn going to inAict a
suffering public with bookful of old
stagers that all look alike, and have
been in every measly album since
Adam began to wear pants? Cant
ye think Of something sensible2"
"Wouldn't half dozen forks be
nice?" faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, al
most at her wits end.
"Just the thing" gasped Mr.. spoop-
endyke. "Half dozen pitchforks
and ton of hay. Then you might
throw in an eight day hen coop and a
- n1sxnhsro ono. AZ. III. :