Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-09-17
CLASS ROOM QUIPS.
Pleasantries Related Of Students
and Professors.
What West Virginia Youth Knew About
Our Mineral Weaith-Thrvsts and
Parties Between Tutor and
Pupil.
QUEER ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS.

variations in form are reported In the
college papers year after year, but IN
substance it never loses its typical iden-
tity. There is hardly hackman or
barkeeper in the county who can not
thoroughly appreciate it, and JUMBO
were he privileged to frequent the class
rooms, would frisk and gambol under
the inspiration of it with solidly SYM
pathetic glee. What freight-handler
of the metropolis, for instance, ever
made more striking retort than the
Princeton professor who remarked 10
the uproarious youth before him;
Gentlemen, this class would proceed
better ifthere were more use OF the
head and less of the feet" AT the
same College also this advice was OIL
cially given to those who were appoint
ed to speak upon the chapel stage:
take a subject with which you are
perfectly familiar. suggest that some
of YOU steer clear of moral and religious
subjects A student of Columbia, be-
longing in West Virginia, was asked:
"What minerals have been found in That
state?" He replied. Cooper, plati-
mum, gold and lead" and was reward
ed by the professional remark: mo,
sir, no sir, not one of them; nothing out
brass comes from West Virginia"
Likewise at Racine college, when stu
dent INQUIRED "What is our age"' OF
professor who had been saying among
those we may mention the wood, the
stone, and the iron age" the speaker
pleasantly continued: Judging oy the
class now before me one would say it
was the age of brass" To this may DE
added another PROFESSIONAL retort: 80
you've forgotten that fact, have your
WHY, you're the only man that ever
knew it to forget"
"Tissue, sir, is something which Is ex-
ceedingly thin" was the definition
which a Junior of Bowdoln gave to his
instructor, who retorted: 1.-THE same
might be said Of your answer" The
question "What do you know about
absolute zero?" having brought no re-
Spouse, the interrogator added, in a
whitening manner: You wouldn't
like to get one of them on my score
book, would you" a professor at
Brown, apparently aiming to a
proper idea of etiquette to 1.-THE
owner OF pair of feet ly-
ing before his desk" asked: "Whose
feet are these?" milne, sir" responded
a student in the rear of the room.
"Haul them home then" continued the
modern Chesterfield, and the feet were
accordingly "coiled around the adjacent
benches"
A student of Wesleyan, in pleading q
''sick excuse" asked insinuatingly why
his colds always went to his head, and
was told: ut is q we'll known princi-
pal, sir, that a cold is most likely to set
tie in the weakest part" A student at
Yale, who answered the question, How
is power applied to this machine" by
saving "it is turned by a crank" was
ordered to 'just step forward and illus
trate." A student in biology at Madi-
son, having obeyed the request to lex
nose the brain of this frog and make a
sketch of it," was rewarded by the COM
ment: "The only thing remarkable
about that drawing is the lack OF brains
exhibited" Elsewhere the metaphysi-
cal question, as life worth living, pro.
fessor?" brought the response: THAT
depends upon the liver" A sophomore
of Williams who said, "The army was
drawn ~. in the shape of plow," was
told, "Oh, no; rather in that OF har-
row. You need a little instruction in
an agricultural college" The next aw-
full example is derived from Wesleyan:
Professor-"Wha do you know shout
alteration Of light?' Student-"l am
not sure know that, but think ! have
a faint idea" Professor-"What do you
imagine it," Studept-"When the
light strikes the Object-glass it glances
off" Professor-"What Fan you tell
about the moons paralaH" Student
"If YOU mean about the miCrometer and
the heliometer, cal. tell you about
that. "Professor-"Yes, and so you
might tell me abort political economy.
One would he as much to the point as
the other. The only connection between
the heliometer and the moons parallax
is that both are in astronomy. That is
sufficient"
Professional insolence Of course al
ways has undergraduate impudcnce for
an accompaniment, and it is only fair
to present some recent specimens OF the
latter. Here is scene in recitation
room at Columbia. Bell has just rung
and the class becomes impatient to
leave. Professor says: Now, gentle
men, have q mortgage on you for q
few minutes yet.' Mr.. Hand, sir,
YOU don't get much interest from us
either" Similar was the case when The
professor, looking at his watch, about
the close of the recitation hour, said
GAS We have few minutes left,
should like to have any one ask a ques..
ton, if so disposed" Then the bad
boy of the class improved the occasion
by inquiring: "What time is it, please?'.
At Racine college, when a student OF
great impudence was talking against
time to conceal his ignorance OF the
question, the irate instructor exclaimed
"Sit down, sir, you know nothing what
ever of the subject" The student re-
piled: "All right. If you know more
about this thing than do, just show
me where I'm wrong" With this may
be compared the conversation at Yale,
which was begun by an instructor who
was examining some work on the black
board: 81 don't quite understand your
figures, Mr.. "" "Very well, I'll eX-
plain them to you after recitation"
Elsewhere, when student was explain
ing a proposition, illustrated by cir
Gle he had drawn on the blackboard.
there was another similar interchange:
'Isn't that reasoning erroneous"
"Perhaps it is, Professor; it's reasoning
in circle" To the question, What
makes near tides?" none save West
ern collegian would have ventured the
reply: "Oh, that's when the sun stops
to spit on his hands.r
Various other phases Of undergradu-
ate impudepce are represented by the
following disconnected cases, the scene
Of the first of which is Hobart college:
Professor in physics, addressing a ju-
nior very earnestly-"Now, Mr.. ", can
you assert positively that The sun will
rise tomorrow morning7 You would
reason from all past experience that it
would, but could you positively assert
itP Junior, unwilling to lose chance
for q wager-"I don't know about as
serting it, Professor, but would like 10
make q bet with you that the sun rises,
and Give you heavy odds"
They had reached the well known
paragraph where Edipus exclaims: SO
city, city" and an unprepared junior
was called up. In the emergency he
replied: "Here we have an example of