National Republican., 1882-03-18

hind" [Grcat laughterl
"a man fell in the streets of Washington the
other day. As hackman was picking him up ho
uttered the one word oGice,' fell back, and ex-
pired." Ali one Ohio man lcs5.-7trd our.
At a German ball: Lieutenant-"Did you not
tell me that your father has an estate in Silcsia 70
Young lady Yes, and two in Pomerania" Lieu
tenant" And can you still doubt my lover"
Recorders "You are too young TO be stealing
for living. Do you intend to make that your pro-
fessionT' Yes, sir; my father wants me to learn
the rudiments thoroughly before run for Office"
Miss Henrietta Dewcomo: In answer to your
question about "unkissed Kisses" We may say wo
are prepared to unkiss any kisses we may have
kissed outside of the family for the last five years.
You who the world In tumult Keep
With open mouth wheneer you sleep,
In mercy some atonement make,
And keep II shut when you're awake.
-AEto Ilork Hour.
George Lorillard, Of New York has built hand
some modern residence In the centre of ST. Angus
tine, and surrounded It with palmetto, date trees
and hundreds Of :roses, banana, lg, and orange
trees.
Vermont man who set trap to catch mink,
has already captured seventeen poecats, n coon
and his own dog in It, and still persists in his de-
signs upon the mink. Some men don't know when
they're licked.
A rattlesnake confined In n cage for clever
months shed its skin four times ate sixty rats and
although 1t had access to n tank of water, an ap.
paratus prepared for the purpose proved IL had
never drank drop.
With heavy red shawl drawn over hor head,
and leaving her companion sitting on the lower
step, she rang the bell and said: Is this the place
where woman wanted q lady to take care OF
baby?'-Herdld p. T.
The poet Whittier is feeble and has Of late grown
exceedingly deaf He no longer lives in the old
family house at Amesbury Mass but at Danvers
in large, square house, amid group of oaks and
pines. This place is called Oak Knoll, and is
handsome, but not picturesque.
Mr.. Reid, who puts his little No. journalistic
feet into Horace Greeley's No. 13 Shoes naturally
has corns, and he has contrivod to make the ri
bune newspaper loved by few, hated by many,
and trusted by nobody either rs a political organ
or business enterprise.-Locen Courier.
An editor out West announced that he would
cease to publish the big takes of game from hunt
ers unless he should share some of IT, The very
next day he had carted to the door of his resi-
dence dozen blackbirds and dead mule. The
next day he wrote: "Never mind the game; no.
tices will be published as usual.'
Pink is the color for "rosebud" debutantos,
either the fayorto rose tint, sea-shell, coral OF
shrimp. AT a recent debut the mother wore pa'a
blue satin, while the daughters dress was of sea-
shell pink. The mothers dress, however, was
founced and draped with duchess lace, while tho
rosebud's was softened with tulle paitings.
Texas veteran called in to see US yesterday
and he stated positively that he did not capture
Santa Anna at the battle of San Jacinto. AS he ID
the first old Texan we have ever met who did not
capture Santa Anna, there is something very
strange about 1t. We are afraid he is an awfu,
liar but perhaps he was only drunk. We do moi
wish to do him any injustice 7Gras SU1iilgs.
The gildcd youth of Gotham must be in bad
way when such an admonition as this from tho
Mail and Express is called out at Is q poor COM
pliment to your host and hostess at an evening'a
pnrty to spend half the night in bedrooms smok-
Ing cigarettes Equally shabby is 1t to bribe tho
walters to bring up champagne, that there may be
genteel debauch among the nice fellows of our
club"
1t is mistake to say that tho Democrats learn
nothing.-NetO York Tribune 1t is safe to say the
Democratic party learned in 1872 just what the Re.
publican party is learning in lSS2-.hat the New
York Tribune is better an open enemy than as an
unwlse or pretended friend. A friend by profess
sion and traitor by practice is about the attitude
of the Tribune toward the Republican party
Inter Ocean.
One afternoon stranger, observing a stream OF
people entering church, approached man OF
gloomy aspect who was standing near the en-
trance, and asked: as this funeral1" "Fune-
raj? mol" was the sepuchral answer, "ips
wedding" Excuse me-" added the stranger,
"but thought from your serious look that you
might be h ired mourner." NO" replied tho
man, with weary far off look in his eyes, "Tm
a SON in-aw to the brides mother."-Hapkeye.
Translated from the Omnibus A boy sits with
cloth covered handcart Mt the foot of hill. A
walking goer comes along, at whose approach tho
boy to weep begins. Man" Young one, why
howlest thou, then?" Boy-"I can with the cart
not the hill upcome" Man good -humoredly)--
well, then, see here Pushes the cart until the
hill up.) So, there! CHimself of the sweat dry
ing.) Say once, what hast thou, then, really, upon
thy cArt2" Boy-"My big brother sleeps there
upon"
As q buzzard will fly for miles over beautiful
fields dlsregarding every other invitation in order
to feast on a putrelying carcass, so Whiteaw Reid
copied no word of Mr.. Blalne's magnificent ora
tion except the passage where allusion was made
to the controversy invited by the nomination OF
Collector Robertson. This, says our journalistic
bu2zard of the Tribune, is "needul to be uttered
and deserving to be kept constantly in mind dur
ing the political agiahons that are impending"
What Is the matter? What are you going to agi-
tate about Chicago Herald.
A gentleman who was inspecting house in the
most fashionable part Of Austin complained that
tb location was too dull and lonesome; that there
was no life "It may seem a little duh now" re-
sponded the owner OF the house, but you wait
Till the first of the mouth when the groceH and
butchers are trying to collect their bills and you
will think there is fair circus out in this part
of town. ! know II is a little dull during the
day, That's the way il is in all fashionable locali
ties but just wait till about twelve o'clock at night
when these high toned roosters come home drunk
and pound on their front doors and whoop"
bee flew into pitcher that stood on door
step OF house in Boston. dog. coming along.
saw the bee aud went down into the pitcher after
the insect. The bee made II lively for the dog,
and he could not withdraw his head, and tho
circus began in earnest. The dog howled fear
fllly and began to plunge wildly about, and then
started on mad run down The street. The dog,
being completely blindfolded by tho pitcher could
not guide himself but got under the feet of stout
man and both took roll In the gutter and tho
shouts Of the man, who did not attempt TO- dis
guise his annoyance, were as loud as the yellB Of
the dog. A policeman, coming up, broke tho
pitcher, and thus broke up the show at the same
time.
Josh Billings still lives and dnuses wisdom, and
among his other things he has been paying out
some natural history with his own line OF talk.
He says "Ihe robbn has a red breast They
have plaintiff song, and sing rs though thcy
were sorry for sumthing, They get their name
from their great abilityfor robbn cherry tree.
They kan also rob a oufrant bush ilst rate. II Il
was not for these robbers we shud all be eRlsn
up by catorpillars but Dthink tho robins mightlet