The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-01-27
SpOopendyke in the Role OF Sports
man.

Say, my dear, SAID MT. OpOOpen-
dyke, as he drew gun from the case
and eyed it critically, CT want you to
wake me up early in the morning. I'm
going shooting"
"Isnt that too sweet !" calculated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Ill wear my dress
and my Saratoga waves. Where do we
go?"
"I'm going down to the island, and
you'll go as far as the front door, !"
grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke. women
don't go shooting. It's only men. All
you've got to do is to wake me up and
get breakfast. When come home we'll
have some BIRDS"
"Won't that be nice |" chimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "Can you catch birds
with that thing?" and Mrs. Spoopendyke
futtered around the improved breech
loading shot gun, firmly impressed with
the idea that it was some kind of trap.
81 can kill 'em with this" exclaimed
Mr.. Spoopendyke. This is gun, my
dear it isn't a nest with three speckled
eggs in it, nor is it barn with hole In
the roof. You stick the cartridge in here
and pull this finger piece, and down
comes your bird every time.
"Isn't that the greatest thing! sup
pose if you don't want q partridge you
can stick duck or turkey In that end,
too. or fish or n lobster, and bring it
down just as quick.
eyes, or you can stick a house or O
cornfield, or dod gasted female idiot
in there, too, if you want to !" snorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Who said anything
about partridge? It's cartridge that
goes in there"
"Oh !" calculated Mrs. Spoopendyke,
rather crestfallen. 81 see now. Where
does the bird go?'
cit goes to night school, if he hasn't
got any more sense than you have, }"
snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Look here,
now, and I'll show you how it works, !"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke, whose ideas of
gun were about as vague as those of his
wife, inserted the cartridge half way in
the muzzle end, and cautiously cooked
the weapon.
"And when the bird sees that he
comes and pecks it Isn't that the fun
niest !" and Mrs. Spoopendyke clapped
her hands in the enjoyment of her dis
covery. "Then you put out your hand
and catch him |"
"You've struck it ~ howled Mr..
Spoopendyke, who had the hammer on
the half cock and was vainly pulling at
the trigger to get it down. "That's the
idea All you need is four feathers and
gas bill to be martingale With
your notions you only want a new stock
and steam trip hammer to be needle
gun Don't you know the dod gasted
thing has to go off before you get bird
You shoot the birds; you don't wait for
'em to shoot you !"
cat home we used always to chop
their heads off with an AK, faltered Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
$50 would I if I was going after
measly old hens, retorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, who had managed to uncock the
continuance, "but when go for yellow
birds and sparrows 1 go like a sports
man. While I'm waiting for a bird, I"
continued Mr.. Spoopendyke, adjusting
the cartridge at the breech, 81 put the
load in here for safety, and when 1 see a
flock / aim and fire"
Bang went the gun, knocking the
tall feathers out of an eight-day clock
and blowing a foot furrow in the wall,
PERFORMING Tue ciOSeJ uOOr anu culmlnaU-
ing in Mr.. Spoopendyke's plug hat.
Goodness, gracious !" squeaked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, "Oh, my p
Mr.. Spoopendyke gathered himself up
and contemplated the damage.
"Why couldn't We keep still r. he
shrieked. Whatd we want to disturb
my aim for and make me let it off Z?
Think can hold back charge of pow
der and pound of shot while measly
woman is soaring it through a gun bar.
rel p
IF it had been bird how nicely you
would have shot it !" suggested Mrs.
Spoopendyke, soothingly. IF you
should ever aim at q bird you'd catch
him sure"