New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-09-13

dOLE NUMBER 23O
Out OF twenty New York doctors Who
were asked to give an opinion Of ice.
water, seventeen declared il al riehf n
beverage. The other three have III
the practice they can take care d.
just the minute an lows editor runs
for Office. up starts barber or shoe.
maker as . rival candidate and beats
him out Of sight. That's Why Iowa edi-
tors always carry such . heart-broken
expression.
You can knock whole hotel fun AZ
folks silly by sliding into the kitchen
and putting cats claw into tho hash,
All the evidence in the world that the
hash was made upon honor wouldn'1
convince them it was O. <.
A young Englishman teleeraphed 70
the object Of his hearts devotion and
arranged for clandestine meeting.
The telegraph operator addressed tie
Message to Mrs" instead Of ..Nias. -
and loves young dream was thus uip.
ped in the bud There was no nonseuoo
In the old woman.
Examiner well, Dir. We win now
suppose that you have been called into
attend . patient who has taken . pow.
eeful dose Of arsenic. What would ron
advise giving himF' n. D. Tin smbfyo)
The last sasraments, sir. y
Things one would wish to hayo sx-
pressed differently: Musical Maiden
Il hope am not boring you, playing
80 much1'' Enamored Youth no!
Pray 20 ON! I'D somuch sooner hear
you play than talk!'' {
.'The Blood-Stained Bloatsr,' Of
'sThe ut on the 'Eath,'' and the Cry
OF Blood Upon the Midnight Wind" 8
the title Of . burlesque now being play.
ed in provincial towns in merry Eng
land.
It seems strange that tho deaf and
dumb sign language has not come into
more general use in polite society. Il
would be 20 handy ct dinner parties Soe
the man who wants to talk with his
mouth full. !:
We'll, John, next months Septem-
Der, and there's to be IN early fall-that
sealskin sacque, you know" 'eOh, 10,
wife; l don't know. I've vetoed that
sealskin sacque scheme, you see.'' '.Oh,
yes. l see; but, my dear. I've passed It
over your Veto"
THE robbers can't steal my mann
mas earrings, cause papa's hidden
them" Interested lady visitor: '.ls that
50, dearl Why, where has hs put them,
l wonder?' II heard him say he's put
them up the spout, and expects they
win stay there"
A Paris jeweler has long dunned .
lady OF fashion for the amount Of his
big bill, but in vain. When no ringsthe
bell tho footman says politely but firmly:
''Sir, the countess only receives, Tues
days" Il don't care when she NJ
ceives," thunders the irate and long.
suffering creditor, ''what I want 70
know is the day she pays on
A lad who had been bathing was In
the act Of dressing himself, when one q
his shoes rolled down the rock and dis.
appeared in the water. In attempting to
rescue it he lost tho other one e1so:'
whereupon, contemplating his feet With
the most melancholy expression, be
apostrophized, well, you're . nice
pair Of orphans, amt your
A workman who bought book sho1.
ing how to live on lucent dinners, and
followed its advice until he ct % weak
from tho diet that he lost his place, and
is still out Of work, has sued the author,
OF the book for damages. II this thing.
keeps on book-writers will hava to cult.
vate that habitual regard for U truth
which distinguishes newspaper para,
graphers.
Just down the intervale, whero tho
brake ferns grow rank, she placed her
easel and satdown by it, skstching from
nature. 'Please, ma'am, is that mo
you're drawing milking that COW In The
Picture?' why, yes. my little man;
but didn't know you were looking" ~
"Coz II its me-" continued the boy, un.'
mindful Of the artists confusion,
you've put me on the wrong side o9
the COW, and I'll get kicked way of the
lot" (
Madam is preparing about 1880 r.
NJ. to 60 out for tho evening" - abe
is accustomed to do rather too frequent
~ to please monsieur, who has made
up his mind for the fiftieth time 70 assert
himself. The following dialogue ensues:
Monsieur Where arc you going. my
dearf Madam-''Where 1 please. ="
but when will you be backp" when I
choose. sir" '.Ah, yesi Of counsel But
no later; should not permit that"
On certain occasion, . train which
hAA 60 !