The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1882-12-07
CONNUBIAL TRIBULATION.

NUNNUDIAA LOAs
"Ven you are married man, Sam
ivel," says Mr.. Weller to his son Sam,
"you'll understand good many things
as you dom t understand now; but veth-
er it's worth while going through SO
much to learn so little, as the charity
boy said ven he got to the end of the
Alphabet, is q matter o. taste. |
rather think it ism t." 1t is somewhat
sad to find philosopher of Mr.. Well
er's profundity undertaking in this
way the teachings of experience. That
matrimony is a great teacher, no
reasonable man will attempt to dispute.
We have it on the authority of a Wild
over who was thrice married, that his
first wife cured his romance, the second
taught him humility, and the third
made him philosopher. Another vet
eran believes that five or six years of
married life will often render natural
ly irascible man to so angelic a condi-
tion that itwould hardly be safe to trust
him with pair of wings. A third de-
clares that it wants the experience of
husband and father who coldly walks
through the small hours with crying
baby, while the mother inquiries at half
hour intervals why he can't keep it
quiet, before man can bring himself
to look forward hopefully and cheer
fully to another and a better world.
The wisest policy, when you have
caught tartar, is to make the best of
bad fargaip, and il you can't get the
upper hand, do as Old Mother Hubbard
did when she found the cupboard
empty -' 'accept the inevitable with
calm steadfastness. 1t may even be
polite to dissemble little, and pretend
you rather en- ,oy it than otherwise
Whatever you do don't appeal to the
girls friends for comfort or consolation.
They will only laugh at you. Take
warning from the unfortunate young
man who, every time he met the father
OF his wife. complained to him of the
ugly temper and disposition of his
daughter. At last, upon one occasion.
the old gentleman. becoming weary of
the grumbling of his son-in law, ex-
claimed; "You are right, sir; she is
an impertinent jade; and If hear any
more complaints of her, / will disinherit
her.i
Equally vain was the appeal for SYM
pathy which another unfortunate Bene-
dick made not long ago-this time to
tne public at large. He was citizen
oI Birmingham, and he wrote to a local
paper in bitter resentment against the
modern rage for higher education in
women. Twenty years ago, he said, he
nad married q paragon of intellectual
excellence. The lady had "done won
ders in high education and consid-
cred herself equal to any .sin high art. 2
But she had not condescended to make
herself acquainted with such mean mat
lers as the prices Of provisions and the
ordering OF household. AS for paying
VISIT to the kitchen, she would as soon
think OF ordering the meat from that
uh@sthetic emporium, the butchers
snop. The result of all this, walled the
Wretched husband, was that so far as
comfort goes, might just as well have
peen sold for canal-boat horse for
Whlie am congratulated ON the gem /
possess, am made sensible of the bur-
uen 1t involves OF course this re-
markabie letter was everywhere regard
"a as highly entertaining production.
ana was made the sport Of facetious
paragraphists all over the country.
IN matters OF controversy, however,
lhe women usually has the best of it.
a witty old author advises men to avoid
arguments with ladies, because in spin
hlng yarns among silks and satins, a
iuah ls sure to be worsted and twisted:
anu "hen man is worsted and twisted,
~, ns may consider himself wound up.
hle above retort might be matched by
auozen others culled from domestic
eohFoVersy, in which the woman has
Jolne OIL triumphant "Really, my
eea,' SAID friend OF ours to his bet.
ur-haii, you have sadly disappointed
tne. once considered you Jewel of q
woman but you've turned out only d
Wy Q. matrimonial pas e. 'Then, my
,oag' was the reply, console yourself
win the idea that paste is very adhe.
siNe; and in this case will stick to you
az long as you live. "See here, =
salu ianlt-inding husband; 1--WE must
nase things arranged in this house Sc
sna. we shall kno# where everything is
Aepe with al my heart,n sweetly
answered his wife; land let us begin
WIN your late hours, my love. should
ueAriI love to know where they arc
Ahspr He let things run on as usual.
~ Is not often, however. that one come,
across such a crushing retort as that
winch Sheffield husband received
w ,iom ms wife the other day, through
s5sdlsm sis medium of the public press. lie
sha, sahaset'lsea IN one of the local Journals
s.4. ne Thomas A.. would no long
9s answera BILE for the debts incurret
- us wite, who seems to have been I
;Sly ;ndy emiaole creature, if one ma,
lug from tho advertisement which
Ias puolshed next day in reply; sThi
= W Monty that |. Elizabeth A., an