Morning journal and courier., 1882-01-30
NOTUNHEALTHY.

A fool and an accordeon are both easily drawn out.-Baltimore Ece1y Saturday
 A New Milford man has invented a snow plow This is the man Charles Reade re- ferred to in his book, ''What Will He Do With It t?'-DGn6otry Ne'cs.
 The New York Sun defends the word ''trousers" and sneers at the word ''pants- loons" We don't care which it is so long as the suspenders don't give way.-Free Press.
 A man in Council Bluffs ordered a suit of clothes of local tailor. They were to be done on 8 Friday. When he called for them they were finished and done up in neat package. The mans hair turned suddenly white.-Kodern Arg0.
 scientist says that every adult person carries enough phosphorus in his body to make at least 1000 of the ordinary two-cent packages of friction matches. Perhaps this accounts for the American style of lighting match.-BGStOn Globe.
 4 druggist of Belton Falls, Va, has been sent to prison for sixty days flor selling liuuor as a beverage" Wonder what they would have done with him if he had sold it as liver pad or as a wash for removing freckles.-Ieras Siftings.
 In the sweet, balmy, delicious happiness of love's first young dream, youth will not only insist on cracking walnuts for his girl, but in picking out the goodies as well. Two years after marriage he will not even let her have the nut-cracker until he is through ". '. Press.
 When fond father presents his son with 8 new hand sled, nothing pleases him so much as to find it at the foot of the kitchen steps when he goes to the woodshed at night after coal, and have it rear up and throw him into the corner, with his head in the coal scuttle and his mind in 8 condition no one can describe.-StilLaeGter LuDl6eTHlGR.
 The inspectors of the government monop- oly of matches have found an infalhble means of detecting irregular goods. They get into kitchens on some pretext, and any matches they may find there they try by scratching them violently on the wall. If the matches burn they are contraband, and action is at once brought against the house. holder.-Le Figaro.
 "Shoot the hat :" Beatrice Brannigan's voice rang out loud and clear on the morning ! air as she stood in the vine covered woodshed at the rear of her fathers residence and lan- 1 guidly fired some red flannel shirts into tub | of hot water He to whom she spoke lounged l in careless grace over the low fence that sepa- rated the ancestral demesne of the Bran nigans from the broad acres of the Ma honeys. Vivian Mahoney and Beatrice Brannigan had grown up together from childhood, and loved each other with wild, passionate love that not even the fact of his having taken Cleopatrs l Corcoran to the United Sons of Erin picnic could dispel. ''Where did you get it I'' ! she cried. ''What ?" asked Vivian That dice box" said the girl, bursting forth with l a merry laugh 1t is my fathers pet hat, Beatrice" he replied, land he only lets me wear it on my birthday" If there was a hat like that in our family" she said, ''I would get my name in the papers on account 1 of it." ''How?" asked Vivian, eagerly. 'l would" she said, cold, cruel smile coming over her features, "give it to the Chicago 1 Historical society" From that moment their lives lay in different Chicago | TIy-i11knk