Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-09-20
WEDNESDAY. SEPTEMBER 20. 1882.
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

THERE'S no time like the present,
gleefully remarked the boy who had re-
ceived the gift of watch.-NeaO YORK
NeeUS.
CLASS in geography: Teacher
Name the great bays" Small boy
ebay of Fundy, Bay of Biscay, Arab
Bey-" Teacher-"Oh! Pa-shaw."
ss'TwERE better we had never met, "
as the goat remarked after his unsuccess-
full attempt to knock cast-iron dog
across three-acre lawn. Boston Times.
Our west q man is considered nobody
unless he has Sc killed his man." There
is where young physicians have the adj
vantage over the average man IN mlgrat-
ing est.-LotUeU Citizen.
= WE'LL" said the farmer after the
funeral, we've buried good man when
we buried poor Wuzzle. Howsomever,
yer can't get no good out O the ground
'thout you put some good IN.
GALL the worlds a stage, Sam, and
the men and women merely players.
eyes, massa, but if OATS so, where you
goin' for to get yer audience and orchis-
try. Boston Commercial Bulletin.
MORSE, who invented the telegraph,
and Bell. the inventor of the telephone,
both had deaf-mute wives, which leads a
wag to observe: "Just see what man
can do when everything is quiet. "-BoS-
ton Globe.
A NEVADA philosopher, in fit of pat
riotic disgust, exclaimed: "I's got to
be six months LII the state and thirty
days in the county, less / can't vote.
But anybody can Jump off afreight train
and run for Office"
81 SAY, Mrs. Mccarthy, THIS 'ere's a
very bad cabbage" Mrs. NJ" Shure,
now, and is it, honey? Then pick an
other. Bless yer soul, young cabbages
Is like sweethearts; you must thry half
a dozen fore We gets good wan"
A LITTLE girl in Sunday school, who
who had been pulling her doll to pieces
during the week, was asked by the
teacher, 'sWhat was Adam made of ?"
"Dust, replied the little girl. And
what was Eve made ofp' "Sawdust,"
was the answer.
IT is Miss Maud Howe, the daughter
of Julia Ward Howe, whom Oscar Wilde
is going to marry, " they say" Maud
Wilde: sounds pretty doesn't it Much |
better than it would be if she should |
marry a man named Lynn Bar.
H0tUE.
SHE had just landed from Ireland, and
was at once engaged in Philadelphian's
family. She opened watermelon the |
the other day for the first time in her
life. Two minutes afterwards she was
seen vigorously busting the inside with
roach poison.
The man who wrote the shadows
that glide amid the perfumes of love-"
must have referred 10 the ghostly APP
partition of human hand that darkened |
the jars of sweetmeats when he was
boy and attempted to satisfy his long
ings behind the pantry door.
The title of the lesson was, "The
Rich Young Man" and the golden text
was, "One thing thou lackest.' A
teacher in the primary class asked lit
tie tot to repeat the two, and looking
earnestly into the young lady's face the
child said, Zone thing thou lackest-
rich young man. - ongregotionaIiSt.
A NEW settler in Texas writes that he
mas 1.-The Rio Grande for bathtub, and |
the whole of Mexico for backyard"
1t might do for him to use the Rio
Grande for a bathtub if there were no
policemen around, but Mexico as a
back yard would hardly be safe place
to hang clothes.-Loo0eU Citizen.
''OH, say, ma ~ exclaimed bright g.
year old girl, at dinner at hotel, ''hasn't |
that man over there got dreadful big
ears ?" "Hush, child; the gentleman
might hear you" cautioned her mother. |
We'll, I guess if he couldn't hear me
with those ears" quickly chirped the
youngster, he had better haul 'em down."
Commercial AdUertiser.
''OBsERvE the entablature, my DEAR"
he remarked, as they jointly surveyed |
the portico of a new building, "what
harmony of design is there, and how
marked the equipoise !'' CT should say
so,'' she remarked, catching sight of a
rust mark on the moulding, "and the |
chap that marked it'll ketch thunder
when the inspector comes along. =
YonkerS Gazette.
AN insurance agent applied to g. wo-
man III Austin to induce her to get her
husbands life insured. CIVIL I be sure
to get the money if he dies right off ?"
Z" Certainly, madame" "But will you
gi5e me any assurance that he will Gle
right off % "No, madame, we cannot
do that" Well, then, what good will
it be to me to get his life insured, if he
don't die? / knew there was some |
catch ABOUT this insurance business. y
Teas Sittimgs.
DIR. DosEM, an Austin physician, was
called on to attend old Uncle Nose, who
drives dray. You have been gorg-
ing yourself with green watermelons for
dinner" said the physician, feeling the
patients pulse. Chow de debbil did yer
find dat out-by feelin' my pulseses?"
Ono, but by seeing the watermelon
rinds under the bed Said the old man,
rising himself up in bed. ''You am the
howinist man in Austin. Heah, old
oman, take dat old harness from under |
de bed, or dis heah medicinal gemman
am gwine to treat me for eatin' mule |
for desert to settle my stomach. I amt
teched watermillion in foah weeks. -
Texas Sift6ngs.