The Penn's Grove record., 1882-03-11
Plum.

1919 "N always moNiuk IFOln one
house to another, was asked by the
Sunday-school teacher:
why did the Israelites move out of
Egypt7"
Because they couldn't pay their
rent, 1 reckon was the reply.
Here we have a Joke and a Man.
The joke 10 very old. 1t Is bald and
TOothless. 1t must be about 1000
years old. The man wears a big dia-
mond N a shiny plug hat. He Is a
negro mintrel. Go and give the old,
old joke to him and he will take care
OF 1t tenderly. 1t is his business. He
gets $40 a week for il.
A man got into one Of the main
street cars this morning, having a
large square of glass done up in brown
paper under his arm. When he had
laid 1t carefully upon a seat, went to
the box and deposited his fare and
then went back and sat down upon 1t,
smashing IL to pieces, the other pas.
sengers laughed.
Lsndlady, entire ignorance of gram.
n aticsl knowledge, advertises that
she has a fine, airy, we'll furnished
bedroom for l gentleman twelve foot
square !" another has "a cheap and
desirable suite Of rooms for a ~respecta-
BILE family in good repair :" still an
other has "a hall bedroom for a single
woman eight by twelve"
"My dear child" observed q good
deacon to an urchin who was polish
Ing q cats back with a backing brush
on the Lords day; Have you never
attended Sunday-school ?" Nav"
responded the urchin frankly II
don't go to places of amuseme IT."
Professor-''Which is the most deli
cate of the senses ?" Sophomore
The touch" Professor-"Prove t."
Sophomore-'When you sit oa a
pin you can't see 1t, you can't hear it,
you can't taste it, you can't smell 1t,
but it's there"
Volunteer captain (scting major first
time)-"Now, then, whatare you boys
staring at? Did you never see a war
horse before? p Boys (who had fol
lowed expecting a ''spilr0-'Aye,
we've whites seen a waur horse, but
never a waur rider
why where you not at church last
Sunday, Clara ?" asked Amelia. Clara
II couldn't, didn't have anything
to wear / shall go next Sunday If
my new sack is done" Amelia-"Oh
you sack-religious thing ~
THAT prisoner has a very smooth
countenance," said the judge to the
sheriff. Yes" said the sheriff, 'he
was ironed just before he vas brought
in"
Jinks' parents have to send him
money every month to keep his land
lord from evicting him. links, liz
writing back his gratitude, always be-
gins my dear "Pav-rents."
Proud young father-"Oh-er-I
wish TO register the birth OF a daugh-
ter" Registrar-"No, no; you must
go back, my boy, and tell your father
to come himself"
Willie has found some Horse
Radish. 1t liz Ia q Jar labeled Jam.
He has just taken a Big Mouthiul oil
the Horse Radish. There are Tears in
his Eyes. Perhaps he is Crying be-
he Loves in Vain
Pat Junior lin answer to inquiry by
Saxon tourlst,-"There's foive OF us,
yer honor, an the baby" Saxon
And are you the eldest P" Pat
Junior-"I am yer horror, at pres
entlb
When q boy was asked, "Where
was the text ?" be replied quickly.
lit is somewhere in Hatchets." I'm
Hatehets? No, 1t was Acts" "Well,
l knew 1t was something that would
cut.n
A little boy asked his mother what
blood relations meant. She explained
that II meant GEAR relations. After
thinking a moment he said .'rhen.
mother you must be the bleodisst re-
lation that / have got.r
frankie said his new boots squeaked
very bad. When asked what the rea
son of 1t was, he replied that he did
not know, unless 1t was the expires
sion of two burdened solos,"
An old poker player out In N ,rth
Park rides a blind mule as a matter OF
choice. He says 1t Is q pleasure to
straddle the blind. s
The man who has all knowledge at
his fingers ends should not bite his
nails he might bite off more than he
could conveniently chew.
us that your little boy ?" mo, not
exactly when he was a week old he
was left on my doorstep. I am, you
may say his step-father.n
A dress coat Is the proper garment
to wear ut a swell dinner. 1t doesn't
button In front and gives you a chance
TO swell.
A little girl remarked II like
grsndpaps, because he is such a Zen.
tlemsnly man he always tells me to
help myself to sugar"
A Vassar college girl upon being
asked ifshe liked Goldfish balls said she
never attended any.