The news., 1882-11-28
HUMOROUS.
Cats are musical because their insides
aresmade of fiddle strings.

Cats are musical because their insides
areimade of fiddle strings
Self-abnegation is that rare virtue that
good men preach and good women
practice.
The Car was very badly frightened
while going from St. Petersburg to Mos
COW. A railroad brakeman shouted,
Enthusiastically p the name of
a way station, SO loudly that the Russian
Emperor thought a Nihilistic bomb had
exploded.
A journalistic weakness: "Oh, yes,p
said the engineer, II had chance TO be-
come hero by sticking to my post when
the collision came, but when reflected
that my name would be spelled five hun
dred different ways in the newspapers l
changed my mind and jumped"
The powerful pie: A Pennsylvania pap
er tells Of family which has been poi
soned by eating pie containing arsenic.
IT seems like work Of supererogation to
put arsenic into pie. A pie that cannot
kill family without the help of arsenic
is very weak pie indeed.
Lippincott's Cough Syrup and Dyspep-
sia Tonic tell their own story. Sold by
dealers generally. Tonic $1.0O per bottle,
syrup 25 and so cents. Office and labor
atory, Mount Holly, N. J..
J. P. LIPPINcorT, Proprietor.
A New York man, desiring to commit
suicide, shot at himself four times without
hitting, He will probably be given po-
sition on the American rifle team, in the
next international shooting match.
A new whiskey flask in the form of an
opera glass has just been invented, and
the dramatic Of the Rochester Express
darkly hints that with it one can see
man without going out between the acts.
4 Deem 1t My Duty to Tell
what Dr. swayne's Compound syrup OF Wild
Cherry has done for me. | had violent
LIZ
ness, with severe attacks ofhemorrhage, gave
up all hopes of recovery. am cured,
s','''''' - - EDWARD Il. HANSON,
Engineer of Sweenys Pottery,
1884 Ridge Aveune, Philanelphia,
Over twenty-five years have elapsed and
] am still hearty man.
Mrs. Langtry says "the Americans are
much more generous than the English
We are, Lille, when we are well fixed
for money. But just now we are broke
for some time. Vacations oyer, and for
space we stifle the promptings Of a nat
urally generous spirit.
Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's
mouth; it catches.
Elegant Toilet Preparations.
Hair dressing, and restorative is found in
London Hair Color Restorer." 1t seldom
fails to restore gray or faded hair to its orig
inal youthful color and beauty. Falling
hair Is checked ~ M nss ana hr It produces
and luxuriant. It certainly is the most
cleanly and effective hair restorer now be.
fore tho american people.
A. A. Gibson, Barry town, Dutchess county,
N. Y, writes DR.. Swayne d Bon, Philadel.
phia, Gents-I enclose Post Office order for
eight dollars; please send me one dozen bot
ties of the "London hair Color Rest0rer.',
It has stopped my hair from falling, and re-
stored 1t to Its natural color. It has proven
satisfactory in every respect. The "London
Hair Color Restorer" can be obtained at all
the leading druggists at 75 cents a bottle.
Unsuccessful experiment: A Michigan
man dreamed recently that his aunt was
dead. The dream proved true. He tried
the same dream on his mother-in-law. but
it didn't work.
Physics: Professor explaining the inhu-
ence Of different densities of air on
sound )--"If now, from here we should
hear the steamboat whistle down in the
harbor what should we infer y Bright
Junior -@steamboat coming in"