St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-08-04
SqUibS.


Put ice on your liver pad.-[N. Y.
Commercial Advertiser.
Although an Indian has no beard he
is very successful at raising hair.-[N
Y. Commercial Advertiser.
These hot nights in Leadville folks
are frequently covered with nothing
more than revolver Denver Tri-
bune.
The castOr-Oil plant is said to be pc
culiarly obnoxious to flies but one
can't have a castor-oil plant growing
on top of his bald head New Haven
Register.
$50 your daughter married Il rich
husband ?" "Well," slowly replied
the father, 81 believe she has married
a rich man but | understand he is
very poor husband
Resort item The hot weather has
had the effect of crowding all the wa
tering- places, with the exception of
Wall street. Puck.
Mrs. Ramsbotham dropped off asleep
at church last Sunday evening. She
says she supposes it was on account of
the soothing effect of the full choral
service.
Not Proven en-Presbyterian minister
"Don't you know it's wicked to catch
fish on the Sabbath ?" Small boy mot
having had rise all the morning J.
"Who's catching fish ?'
A Boston lecturer astonished his au-
dience by bringing down his fist on the
table and shouting, "Where is the re-
ligiosity of the anthropoid quadruma-
na ?" If he thinks we have got it he
can search us. We never saw it.
James Fogarty of Chicago tried to
eat three quarts of peanuts in twenty
minutes on a bet of 50, and it took Il
surgeon a whole hour to get the shucks
out of his throat. A man makes big
mistake when he thinks he's jumbo
TSOmerville journal.
"Yer's charged, sab, wild stealing
piece oh beef" said Little Rock col
ored justice of the peace to a prisoner.
"Air de charge well sustained ?" "Jedge
I'll fess the truth. | tuck the beef but
| want 'sponsible. | was sufferin' wild
fever an was Outen my head at de
time" "DOes yer mean ter say dat yer
was insane ?" eyes jedge, dat's it,"
"Wall, sir, Use sorry fur yer. De con
stitution oh the country am undergone
IA change i'll this sort of matter. De
law now says yer must hang all de in
sane men. Mr.. Constable, put a rope
aroun' de unfortunate gcn'lman's naik.
i Arkansaw Traveller.
A man swims further than any other
man-prOfessOr. A man cuts cOrns
and cures bunions for a living
fessor he waltzes three hours without
resting professor plays the fiddle
and imparts to others the secrets of the
diabOlical professor; walks a slack
rope stretched across the strect-prO-
fessOr rides four horses bareback
professor sings in the choir-profess-
or : teaches brass band professor !;
cures warts professor plays billiards
for Il living professor trains dogs
professor ; performs some clever tricks
of slight of hand-prOfcssOr does any
thing in the world except teach, and
knows less of books and schools than
he does of heaven -professor.- Bur
lington Hawkeye.
Last week, boy down in Lee coun-
ty rugged himself up in IA sheet one
night, and sneaked around the house
to stand ut the window of his brothers
room and play ghost. But he forgot
to count Oh the dog, who didn't believe
in ghosts, and pretended to sleep 10y
the kitchen chimney. The ghost ma
terialized about five feet from the chin
ney, and when the doctor came he eau
terized nineteen holes in it, while the
dog, with his tail standing straight uI
in the air like a mast, walked around
l,n hi al ll.s
bass, and asked everybody he met
what he should fly at next Burling-
ton Hawkeye.
/, The American Poultry Adviser is tn,
name of Il new journal that comes to
us this week. We hope it will advise
the poultry in this vicinity to lay fresh
er eggs Lowell Citizen.
Didn't talk United States: Student
fresh from college, to conductor IL
wish to get on the penultimate ear
Conductor: ave have no peanut car
yOu can take the smoker New York
Evening Post.
/, The prevailing style of dog for this
season will not he changed III any
marked degree. The window brush
dog continues to continue in favor
among young women who have been
=
crossed in love and have the dyspepsia
A favorite style of dog has a princess
nose and is trimmed with an Ostricl
plume tail tightly curled over the po
lOnaise. The Prince Albert cutaway
sausage dog is not used in warn
= weather. City dogs that undertake t.
depopulate the country fields of Tia,
ornate and festive bull will be gored
Shaggy dogs will be worn with the
hair boutfant around the neck, plan
! about the waist and polOnaise and &
pompadOur tail Brooklyn Eagle.
'Is dis heah letter all right, boss ?
asked IA darkey, handing the clerk ;
NJ letter he wanted to send off in the mail
The clerk weighed the letter and re
turned it, saying "YOu want to pu
another stamp on it. 1t weighs toe
much" "Ef puts another stamp OI
>, de letter, dat won't make hit no lighter
OATS gwine ter make it weigh more
4 "See, mamma ~ exclaimed littl,
child as puss, with arching spine anC
= elevated rudder, strutted around tn,
table, "see, kitty's eaten so much, she
[ can't shut her tail down "