The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-11-17
''Mark Twain'' CuItiyates s.Muscle-HOw
He Was Misunderstood.

on the peak of East Hill and from his
elevated perch looks down upon Elmlra
for his inspiration in courting the comic
muse, has been somewhat out OF health
this summer. Notwithstanding the fact
that he located his book factory six hum
dred feet above the city in order 10 ac-
comphSh his bibulous paradox of being
high and dry at the same time, yet no
discovered that the pains and aches OF
malarial disturbance occasionally atilict
him full sore, reminding him of the fogs
and marshes of the Connecticut valleys
from which he recently took fight. Sit
ting one day at his study window ndrs-
ing little rheumatism, gazing far away
over the peaceful city lying below him,
and wondering whether there was one
man within its limits who could knock
the spots Off him on a game of billiards.
he was interrupted by the arrival OF the
family physician, who called to make a
friendly visit. Into his sympathetic ear
was poured the tale of the hunEagist 5
.Eocs, and after s-4noEneut' 5 eoasrleSxtioA-
he remarked. Clemens. what you need
is exercise With a look of gentle re-
proach, which soon changed to anxious
innocence, the hero of many an expert
ence of roughing il Gn pictures,) and
tramps at home and abroad Con paper.)
made reply: ''WeJI, that's right, that's
all right, but who's going to do it for
meP You see, he continued, '.the men
on the place are all busy and the chill
dren amt big enough to accomplish
anything. and you must do it
yourselfr' was the professional stop put
to the demur do it myself? How in
thunder do You eNpect-why, what can
1 do? There amt a good poker PLAYER
on this hill, and the hammock broke
down yesterday, so | can I use that
mo, no. interrupted the doctor, '.you
must have active eXertive exercise; some
thing that looks like work you know.
You can walk down town or swing
dunlb-bells, orchop wood, or -'' ''IIold
on, you We struck it. =" exclaimed Mark.
"Ill chop woodr' BEST thing YOU can
do" said the doctor. rs he took his leave.
''It brings into play so many varied
muscles, expands the chest, deepens the
inspiration and superinduces Il more
bountiful oxygenation by the beautiful
process of endosuosts and eXosmosia,
and hence the red corpuscles -''
Here, have a cigar" said Twain.
pushing box before him, land let up
on Moses" You mustn't smoke, YOU
know" the doctor said, rs he picked out
weed. ''Olno, I've stopped smoking"
paper over three old stumps and brier
pipe; Il found that it disagreed with my
family longago. The doctor departed,
and Clemens, with the glow OF renewed
health already shining in anticipation on
his brow, took one of the farm hands
from the harvest field and sent him to
town after new AK. He returned with
the tool, bright-bladed, sharp-edged. and
spent twenty minutes trying to explain
to the bewildered author why the handle
was made crooked, and that the red
label was only intended TO advertise the
maker name ..Well. but didn't they
send any directions with it?' was the
anxious inquiry. "How do YOU suppose
an inexperienced person can load and
fire that thing without rules2' Finally,
thinking he had the hang of the thing.
Clemens had the man hitch up and drive
him up the road about mile 10 q piece
OF woods, the ak carefully wrapped in an
old coat so that no one should be hurt bv
it. The members of the family went
with him to look for flowers and berries
while he chopped Arriving at the de
sired spot he carefully took out the ax.
unwrapped the old coat, and laid the
tool down beside the stump of a dead
pine The family wandered away.
picked one or two flowers, and then
fastened back, as they heard him shout
ing their names. I've done enough
for to-day" he said, rs they came near
They saw four blisters on his hands and
a piece of new leather shining on one OF
his boots, but no wood lying around.
However, they said nothing, and went
home the hired man carrying the ak.
That evening, sitting on the piazza.
applying arnica to his hands, he said
Its hard work, but m going to keep
it up It's splendid exercise, and lust
see how it has built up other great meni
Why, you know, Greeley prolonged his
life many years by chopping at Chappa-
qua, and Gladstone alive vet and max
ing things hot in Egypt only by reason
of the beneficial results of an hours
chopping every day. You just wait
month and see me! IN be able to fight
Tug Wilson and row Courtney and out
talk Beecher. y
All this was several weeks ago. Only
a few DAYS since Clemens noticed his
new axe living where he had left it on his
return from his initial trip. its bright
ness changed to reproachful rust. Con-
science smote him. He would resume
exercise He would attack anew the
monarchs of the forest. He would ac-
quire muscle So he boldly marched for
The same piece of woods and began OPP
erations on the old pine. But few
minutes had elapsed before a six-footer
appeared before him. and the following
c0lloquy ensued: - Now, you skin right
out o. here, dun quick, young mani
These is my woods, and you II learn to
let folkses property alone after J. m
through with yei Git nowr' Searching
On his forehead for an imaginary bead
of sweat. Twain glanced obviously at
the enraged bucolic, and said: :. Well,
-what-seems- -to-be-the matter
with you?' g Matter, FL show ye, dunn
yel Tryin' to steal my woodr' q" But,
my good man, / don't want your woodn'
q Then what are you cutting it forP''
" Why, for exercise, that's all. The
doctor said %, that's too thinl
Exercise! You look like man that
would do anything for exercise. Now
with renewed energy). you get right
out o. herel Right OUT and the farmer
made threatening advances. 50 But
bullock here, my good man, you don't
know who | am. You are talking to a
- Yes, l do know. You're that
Clemens. I've heard about your being
here about four weeks ago, and I've had
my eye on you ever sincel Now (pick-
ing up pine root. you git. Clemens
took up the ak, cast a whitening look
on the bucolic. and sadly climbed out
of the woods, over the fence and out OF
danger, the voice of the enraged land
owner ringing in his ears for some dis
tance down the road.
Why Mr.. Clemens went so far to find
a chopping- place, when there were three
orchards between him and the woods, is
not known. Greeley wanted to attack
his wife's favorite shade trees, and Glad
stone has spoiled many valuable trunk
in the park. They were not particular,
and Mr.. Clemens should not have been.
That is the moral this story is intended
to EknairG AdUertiSer.
"A godfather isn't always nice per-
-. - bor,l. N hor,t th., hnnrcn