Connecticut western news., 1882-03-15
WIT AND WISDOM.

THE poor but honest printer thanks
 Providence every day of his life that he
 is not a bank cashier or city officisl
 under suspicion. When he gets fat
 take he comes by it honestly.
 TEE Yale College faculty have de-
 clared that hereafter, when seniors or
 sophomores ipiure freshman, the
 guilty partles shall be punished just
 as if they had injured human being.-
 Teras Siftings. -...
 AMERICA rates third among the beer
 manufacturing nations of the world. On
 an average six gallons are made for
 every citizen. There are people extrav'
 agant enough to consume their average
 in a single night. adford Era. THE Providence Stsaday Star is of
 the opinion that when 8 Russian editor
 has taken in an uncommonly good list
 of advance subscription payments, he
 writes furiously Nlhilistio editorial
 and gets his publication suspended for
 six months. -.--.
 MIR. TINKLEPoUaH has just returned
 from Washington, and told his wife that
 he was permitted to sit on the floor of
 the House. "Well, declare" said Mrs.
 T., "them Congressmen never had any
 manners. Couldn't they give ye chair,
 I'd like to know"
 "WHAT is a junction, nurse ?" asked
 a seven-year-old fairy the other day ata
 railway platform. "A junction, my
 dear," answered the nurse, with the air
 of very superior person indeed,
 "Why, it's @ place where two roads
 separate" ..
 "WAsHINaToN's Birthday was enthu-
 siastioally celebrated by Americans this
 year in Cairo, Egypt. A man visiting
 Egypt and having experience with the
 Egyptians IS pretty likely to have an
 enthusiastic admiration for anybody who ever told the truth.-Boston Post. THERE is an icy spot on the pavement on Blank street, next to No. 5S, and when o music teacher started out yes- terday afternoon, his accomplished daughter, who was playing Beethoven symphony on the piano, told him if he didn't look sharp he would "B Flat, Op. ."-Norristoaon Herald.
 A LADY was singing lately at charity , concert, and the audience insisted upon n hearing her song 8 second time. Her
 daughter, little child, was present,
 and on being asked afterward how her
 mamma hat sung, replied, Very
 badly, for they made her do it all over a again" ...a .., ...... :. THREE gentlemen, during a conyer- n sation, agreed to pay pound sterling Q each to the one who should tell the tall- q est and most ridiculous story, The first '. commenced his story thus: "The n .seslthy editor -" ''Stop," cried one !. of the other party, "heres ourmoney." |. -Quitz. .=ss ..t '. THE Christian Advocate, mentioning ,- the case of a gnl who sad she joined !. the Methodist Church 'on suspicion 6 for six months, says : "We don't bnow s about the propriety of taking people O into the church on suspicion, but we n think a considerable number might be ,t let out on that ground"
 'e CROWDS are honest. If you oompli- is ment an individual man to his face, he B. will pretend he doesn't like it; but tell 'r an audience that it is with uuspeakable r. pleasure that you appear before such Q B. fine. looking, intelligent body of men, ct and you will be applauded to the echo. ot Boston Transcript. le Now that Navin, the Mayor of ul Adrian, Mich, has beat that city out Ih of $3O, 1000 and decamped, his past his- D. tory has been inquired into, and it has n' been found that at one time he was in ,n the liver pad business. It is most as- is ton1shing that these things are always Ill found out after the criminal has got ih te his work, and never before. ASlDaukee s- Sun. IT is related that when the Massachu- =. . setts Legislative Committee on Charities S' A visited the Taunton Insane Asylum, one =: of the patients exhibited an automatic :. toy of his invention, in which a pros, I trate wooden man was receiving 6 ~ severe kicking and humping by ~, others. "Don't you think it rather ~ severe on that poor fellow to be mauled z" and kicked in that way P' asked legis lator. "Oh, mo-" was the reply
 "you can't hurt him-he is insane,"
 A YOUNG friend of mine, says Labou . chere in the London 7ruth, was dining a' with his father few nights ago vo "George," said the fond parent, wher n they next met, "you took my overcoa eu instead of your own, and regret to say oo I found the pockets of your coat full O n' cigarettes and matches" 'I discovered So my mistake, father," replied the son ., "directly I got outside, for found thu 'A, pockets of the coat had on contained VI chocolate creams and three pairs O 's ." ladies' gloves"
 ~ w. E., RooKDA1E, Texas: "What au al, thority has the Legislature of Arkansa ha for deciding the difference of pronunci Lo ation in the name of that State, Arkan - saw or Arkansas If saw is right fo oa sas, why not say Kansaw for Kansas ,ua Texaw for Texas?" AS the people c .t New York are called New Workers, an .ha the inhabitants of Michigan are calle he Michiganders, possibly the Arkansa ", legislators were afraid they might hv called Arkansasses, and so changed tn ,rv pronunciation of the name of the Stat ot to Arkansaw.-7eras Siftings.