News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-09-28
FASHIONS ABSURDITIES.
WHAT EXCITED THE WRATH
OF FARMER THISTLEPOD.
How Two Differently Dressed Men
Laughed at Each Other.
from the Burlington Hawkeye.

HOW Two DECSSCu NIcD
Laughed at Each Other.
From the Burlington Hawkeye.]
Old Mr.. Thistlepod climbed up the
broad stairway of marble and rosewood
leading to the high-backed Queen Anne
editorial rooms of the HaoOkeye. His
heavy tread fell noiselessIy upon the
Pompadour velvet carpets, and as he
sank into costly escritoire the perfumed
light fell through the stained glass tant
mieux at the facade of the managing
editors embraalement de CUR, touched
the old mans face with softened over
moulou, that seemed like an echo from
the stately renaissance that looked down
upon the walls. Carefully moving the
elegant Louis Qninze passe, partoatt
where the old man could not tip it over
with his feet, If after his usual habit he
should choose to rest them on the
carved Mauvis s,jet, the editor asked
the honest tiller of the soil how was
crops in the Flint River country.
"Crops ?" echoed the old man. "Well
now I want to tell you about crops.
Corn's all right, an oats was better'n
usual, an wheat just doomed, but
you've got crop of fools in Burlington
that'n just lay over any other green
thing that ever drawed the COWS in the
State of Iowa"
The managing editor was surprised,
and said he hadn't heard such intem-
perate talk since the prohibition canvass.
He added that there were some fools in
Burlington, he had heard, but as they
were not subscribers to the HaaUkeye
he didn't know much about them, and
felt very little interest in them.
"Why, the towns full of 'em,"
shouted Mr.. Thistlepod, who labors
under the impression that he can't be
heard unless he talks very loud.
Chow can you tell they're FOOLS"
asked the society editor.
'By their clothes, waved the old man
and the society editor slid as far as he
could under the table and then laid his
face flat on his arm, in order to write
more easily. "By their clothes, repeated
the sturdy old agriculturist. "Y gaul,
if boy of mine 'uz to dress like the young
fellers I see in this town, I'd beat some
sense into him with neck yoke. Why
it's redik'lus. I tell ye it's redik'Ius.
see young chap down in the countin'
room with a pair O. trousers on him
tighter'n candle moulds-I hope to die
if I didn't think he'd stuck his legs
into couple of snake skins. IN his
coat-by iockies, it wasn't hardly long
to cover his suspenders it
wasn't, l swanny, M it fit him closer
than his undershirt and his shirt collar
saved his years every time he turned
nis head, n he wore his watch chain
outside his coat. An he wore fat hat.
with a round top. about as big as a
,ookey. An his t;sso6s Printed, do ye
know, p'jnted like tootbpicks, m they
was long as pickaxes. To see him skip
pin around in that git up, lookin' more
lie monkey nor a white man, y gaul, it
made me mad. n l swan I wanted to
lex him. I declare I did. They's no
sense in Christian man maxim such
in outlandish spectacle of himself, an
f I ever ketch my boy dressed up in
my such dog goned rediklus, absurd
iisgustin' fash ion, I'll be gaul swizzled
1-hello, Jasper, are ye waitin' fur
ne ?"
And saying coed bye, Mr.. ThistIepod
'ccomp anied his son down stairs to the
wagon. As the old man turned to go,
le did not in the least degree resemble
he ''young feller" down in the count
ng room. The big felt hat he wore had
been of some color, but that
vas years ago. The blue merino band
ewed on with black thread was too
oose, and twine string tied tightly
round 1t, caused the hat to bulge out |
bove the band like the dome of a |
nosque. The hickory shirt, fastened |
t the collar in severe simplicity with a
ig horn button, scorned a collar of |
ny kind. The roomy brown vest had
our white bone buttons and black
hawl pin, and through the irregular
calculations of the much abraded back
he solitary suspender showed through,
esolutely clinging to button aft and
all forward. The baggy blue trousers
welled out below the Tapping vest into
n ample dome, strangely creased and
wrinkled, breaking, as the old
IAN walked, into awful billowy bulges
nd humps, while one long, deep,
iagonal crease showed where the trusty
pendsuer, hauled taut from port to
held everything fast on the
uarter. Further down they bagged
/ great curving billows at the knees
nd wrinkled behind /; they were brief,
nd came to an untimely end about four
lches before they reached the top of
le shoe, and they ended abruptly; same
ize all the way down and sawed square
If across the ends. The shoes were
OF exactly pointed at the toes, and
hen the old mans feet were not in
lem you couldn't bet which way the
noes were pointed. Jasper was attired
| like manner as his father, only being
much taller man his trousers were
shorter. As they passed
lrough the aesthetic decorations of the
ounting room, the man in the lean
aats laughed sneeringly, and Mr..
histlepod laughed tauntingly. The
anaging editor sank back in his ermine
lshioned .Reatr de terre.
81 am afraid" he sighed YEARLY,
those two people are laughing at each
hers clothes"
What She Would Do.