The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-09-21
Spoopendyke rab-Fishing.

Coming up the river the other day, /
saw middle aged gentleman in plug
hat and business suit seated in scow
beside an attractive lady, feeling around
among lot of strings pendant from the
side of the boat and warning the lady
that she could not keep too quiet.
Now, my DEAR" observed the gen.
tlen,an, don't you move, because l
feel q crab on this line. I'll pull him
up until he is in sight and then you slip
the net under him. See?''
''Yes, DEAR replied the lady a little
hustered as she contemplated her share
of the performance. ..But, Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, what shall / do when / get the
net under him?''
Scalp himn' retorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. drawing slowly on the line. ''Now
wait he's there" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
became even more cautious in his move
ments. s'sSee him! There he is! Scalp
him quickr'
Mrs. Spoopendyke iabbed the net in
to the water and swashed around with
great vigor.
''What ye doingp" yelled Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, Strengthening up and glaring
at her, as the crab struci, line for
Newark bay. '.What'd We think | had
there. the bottom of the riverp What d
We suppose ye was trying to catch, a
church? Take it out! Giveit herer' and
he gfasped the lady around the waist
and took the net away from her.
Ibid / scalp himp" asked Mrs Spoo-
pendyke, flushed with her exertions and
trembling with excitement. ''Show him
to me. Let me see what he looks liker'
''Looks hken' roared Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. ''He looks like Sandy Hook by
this time! Why didn't We scalp him?
What's the matter with you?'
IL couldn't tell which was his
head" faltered Mrs. Spoopondyke, who
hadn't seen anything at all. Pull him
up again, and you'll see if don't scalp
the last hair on his skuRr'
The English language lost its last
charm for Mr.. Spoopendyke, and he
turned to his strings with whitening
look of contempt for his wife.
'.Now you be careful" he said at
length. ''Here's another varmint, and
you mustn't let him get away. When l
say 'Sealpp you shove the net under
him and just bring him aboard
'.Can you see him yet?" asked Mrs.
SpQopendyke, waving the net over her
head and peering into the water.
Wait! Yes. there he is! Careful, re-
member Now, scalp! -
He must have been crab of phenom-
enal scholastic advantages to have got
ten rid of that swoop, for Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, with view to redeeming her.
self, went for the end of the string
blindly, but with strength of purpose
that made failure impossible. She not
only got the crab, but she slammed net,
crab and all over MIR. Spoopendyke's
head.
''What-wah-h! p shrieked that gen
tleman as he felt himself impounded.
.sLost him againr' exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, who hadn't the remotest
idea what crab looked like ssWhy,
dear, what's that awful big spider in
the net? Good graciousr'
s'Take it OFF, howled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. s'Take it-wow! the thing has
got me by the ear! Haul him off, will
YEP"
Mrs, Spoopendyke dropped the han
die Of the net as if it were an old fash
ioned bonnet and gazed upon her hus-
band in CONSERVATION.
'.Gast the crabT' yelled Mr. Spoo-
pendyke, tearing the net away. s.Let
90. ye brute! Wah-har' and the unfor-
tunate man wrenched the fish from off
his ear and dashed it in the bottom of
the boat. .'What's your scheme in do
ing that?'' he demanded, holding his
ear with one fist and shaking the other
at his wife. "Think you've got to eat
'em right out of the water? Got no.
tion that he come up cooked and you
must down him quick or he'll spoila''
yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke, enraged be-
yond all control by the sight of the car
mage that trickled down his fingers.
"What'd d We mean by it?" and he sprang
into the air and alighted on the unhap-
py crab, slipped up and sprawling full
length in the bottom of the boat.
''Was that q crab, dear?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, assisting her husband to
arise and contemplating the mangled
fish with anything but favor. ''Is that
what you call a crab? | thought-r'
''You thoughtr' ripped Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, kicking at the. hewildered crab.
That's the trouble with you-you
think! Did We think was going to
stand here and let that crab chew on
my ear till his legs ached? P'raps We
thought he was whispering to mel May
be ye thought he was telling me fun
nystory! Well, he wasn't, and if he was
his voice was so hoarse / couldn't enjoy
it! Ye thought, did yer' squealed Mr..
Spoopendyle, his wrath rising as the
pain and fear subsided: ~thought a crab
talked with his toes like some women
think, did ye! Oh, you thought! IfIhad
such head as that I'd fit it UP with
shuck beds and stick of gum and SIR, ar.
female boarding schncs.. With yo,,r
apl.hy a1 TO thir.a1 you only need squint
...u four long words to be Concord
school of philosophyr' and Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke plunged the oars into the wa
Ter and began to row vigorously.
w here are you going dearP' asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke timidly. after her
husband had pulled hard for some
time
,Homep' grinned Mr. Spoopendyke
with horrible expression of visage,
Il ID going home to show the people
now much damage rusticating idiot
asylum can do with one measly crab
when she pins herself down to it.''
tof course" assented Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke humbly, "but say, dear. wouldn't
you get on faster if you united the
boata''
Mr. Spoopendyke turned and gave a
sharp look at the bow. Then he haul
ed his hat down over his ears, stepped
ashore and struck out at a brisk walk.
81 don't know" sighed Mrs. Spoo-
pendyae, as took her boat in tow, Il
don't know, but l don't think l care
much for Grabbing. though I'm not sure
but what it's more fun than walking
home Oh the wrong side of the river
with no bridge within seven miles eth
er way!-Brook!yn Eagle.
Coon health is maintained and nour-
lshed by proper attention to the require