Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-08-31
First Epistle to the Skedunkers.

Skeaunk. Said one to the other let
Us have a gathering of the multitude
at the place called ''Joslyn's Corners"
and We viii have a day of feasting and
rejoicing, and we viii eat of the
fruits of the earth and we viii have
music and dancing and we will rejoice
and be mirthful, as becomes upright
men, and we Will have no strong drink
to take away the senses eff the men
and women, but will rejoice in all
sobriety. Now when the people of
Skedunk hollow, which is also in the
land of Skedunk, south of the land Of
Ioslyn'G Corners had heard of it they
said among themselves, let US also
have day of rejoicing. and we will
call it ''picnic." And a certain man
of the land of Skedunk hollow. the
same being an upright man that drew
sensible nigh at all the gatherings of
the people at the ''temple," called the
school house, in the language of the
people of Skedunk. He saith to Mi
ehael the Great, let US have a feast
and dancing and greater rejoicing than
the people at Joslyn's Corners, and we
will make for them "fzzle." This
man, whose name was Thomas (not
the apostle) spoke to Michael the
Great, who is also great man and
comedy to look upon. Hearken ye,
so proclaim it to the people thas We
will have feast, called :'picnic" and
say to the people that we will enliven
the feast with the wine called lager
beer, and we will have strong drink
and we will have great music and dane
ing and rejoicing and will make for
the Joslynites ''fzzle" Now Mi
chael the Great and divers other great
men did put to work with their might
to help to make the fzzle, some look
ing in one way and some in another to
make for the Joslynites a fzzle, and it
was proclaimed in the church that they
had five measures of the wine, called
in the language of the land, lager beer,
in the house of the great man where
with to make the heart glad of them
that helped to make for the Joslynites
the fzzle. Now the day fixed for the
feast was the fourth day of the seventh
month.
On the morning of the day fixed for
the feast the multitude came from the
countries afar off and they gathered
at the feast at Joslyn's corners, one
hundred and forty and seven, what is
called in the language Of Skedunk
corporal's guard Now when the
great man that was making the fzzle
heard of the multitude that was at
Joslyn's Corners they Waxed exceed
ingly wroth and called together the
great men and saith, what shall we do
to make the fzzle, and they all said
as with one voice, "damfno," which
being interpreted means eve have bit
off more than we can chew Now
the people Of Skedunk hollow were re-
joicing many of them could not rise
to their feet for reason of their great
Joy. About the seventh hour some Of
the young men and damsels said among
themselves, let us depart from the
land of Skedunk hollow and 90 60 the
land Of Joslyn's Corners, and when
the great man heard of it he said to
the multitude, I would lose fifty
pieces of silver rather than let the
multitude 90 to Joslyn's Corners and
about that time the wine, called lager
beer, was all gone, and they said who
can bring US more? They cast about
for q man to go to the land Of lager
beer, for more Of the wine of the land.
Now certain man. great in his own
eyes. and vithal an officer in the land
Of Skedunk, and a great worker to
help to make the fzzle, the same hav-
ing a feet charger and chariot, said
[ will go for the wine and they said to
him depart and tarry not but bring
hither Eve measures of lager beer and
he departed to the land Of lager beer.
Now about the eighth hour of the
day the young people to the number
of three score were saying let US go
up to Joslyn's Corners, and about
that time a messenger came from the
land of Skedunk hollow and spoke
certain words to the people OF Joslyn s
/ Corners and Immediately departed to
the land of Skedunk hollow. and when
! be had told them what he had done
they said, now surely we have made
for the Joslypites fzzle and the peo-
| pie Of Skedunk hollow rejoiced until
the morning, and their scribes have
written history of the great fizzle- ="
My brethren | will write you more
fully of the ''fszIe'' in my next eps-