Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-12-01
THE CLOWNS CORNER.

Mistress-"What time you've had
about that egg, Mary" Mary-''Yes,
ma'am; but the new kitchen clock has
such large minutes"
The best way to catch grizzly bear
is to let him lick salt from your hand
while second party slips around and
ties his hind legs to tree.
An Iowa farmer bet q new hat that
he could cross the railroad track before
the train came up. He lost by ten
feet. The distance was measured by
his heirs.
Young lady writing love-letter for
the kitchen maid-"That's about
enough now, isn't it?" Kitchen maid
Zone thing more, Miss; just say
please please excuse bad spellin'
and writin'."
Crafty taste," said the butcher,
"csn't understand it. Those sausages
were not made from rats, sir, and you
know it. May be the cats had caught
and eaten few though
Making fun of English fun: North
Countryman to tourist, "Ah" Tourist
to North Countryman, "Ah, habp'
North Countryman retires much dis
concerted.
The Ohio man: When an Ohio man
is in debt, hard up, sick and utterly
discouraged he doesn't commit suicide
He goes to the post Office and gets
letter informing him he has fallen heir
to 5000.
"Women govern u.s." said Sheridan /;
"let us try to render them more per-
feet The more they are enlightened,
so much the more we shall be. On the
cultivation of the minds of women de-
pends the wisdom of man."
Orpheus drew rocks by the ali-com-
pelling power eff his music. The music
Of the harmless, necessary cat is still
more potent. 1t not only draws rocks,
but pokers, bootjacks AMI all sorts of
movable furniture.
1t does torment railroad restaurant
keeper frightfully to have customer
ask: "How much will you charge me
thousand for such sandwiches as
these? I'm going to build q house,
and think they'd be more durable
than brick"
A Boston editor boun ced the cook,
cuffed two children, left mis- wife in
| tears, and made bee-line for the of
/ flee, and wrote: 'If you want to make
the world brighter and better, begin by
being kind and loving to those in the
small circle of your own family, and
from that as center work out as you
are permitted to CO."
"You needn't put on no airs, you
yaller-face piece. We keeps a COW and
has got pew in the Blue Light (Austin)
| tabernacle besides" we're the words oil
Miss Matildy SNOWFALL, who is as black
as night, to saddle-colored friend
We keeps goat, and my mudder Ii
gwlne to nab carbuncle on de back oi
her neck"
"Talk about your ice machines,
said New Haven woman to her neigh
Dor over the fence, "why, if Mrs. Rob
inson, round the corner, didn't treat me
cool enough to freeze ice-cream thii
morning" "Why, what did she say?'
"Say? She didn't say anything, and
| that's Just what's the matter, and aftel
had taken pains to send her worc
that she was an impudent hussy.
Aren't women curious critters?
A terrible affair: Two actors recently
shot at each other in San Francisco
But both, so deeply was their stage
training incorporated into their mus.
cles, fred into the air and fell down jus
like q play. Those who heard the
noise and rushed forward to raise tht
supposed corpes were greeted with the
involuntary question from each: II.
the curtain DOWN." As a revolving
crime the affair was not precisely 8
| success.
Somewhat slow: A day or two agC
a passenger on a milk train that ha6
been detained some time on siding
approached the conductor and accost
ed him. Waiting for q blacksmith
conductor?" he asked, In confidentia
whisper. no." groNled the function
ary; "what do you want of black
smith, '1 don't know replied tn.
passenger, with q sigh. "I though
perhaps the COW hsd cast shoe!"
| A bridal couples talk: A bride and
bridegroom sat opposite me at tn,
Fifth Avenue table d'hote night befor'
last. They called for consomme ans
slipped it. "Tm ever 50 fond of con
eomme, aren't rouz" she asked. "Ys,
most soups" she continued Eyes, $.
il Ia" he made answer, atotally differ
ent." "And," she went on. Sits suci
| lovely color, too; don't.you think 90?
Lovely color" he replied. aIfs i
diffenent color from oyster soup, ian
it." continued Mrs. Younghusband .
she slipped it again. $50 il is,n sait
the Benedict: Aby Jove, never notices
it beforep Then the waiter brough
tnem some fish and over it they ven
on IN the same idiotic way Don't yo'
think brides aufnlly funny7 Don't you
| do