The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1882-02-08

Atall, thin man, with a red nose,
gray side wlliskers aud u snelan-
Icholy expression, drifted into the
lofiice of the Post, San Francisco, and
asked, in a subdned voice. If there
was an unemployed reporter on the
staff just then.
Because" said the etranger, "a
very peculiar ii e opened ~
our way live III j'av,s Valley
this mnriing, and which, perhaps
you might work up into an item
somehow"
w hat sort ps a thing ?" said the
managing editor, winking to ths
fighting editor to get his club ready
In case the sad man pulled out 9
poem or any other dangerous con.
trivance.'
We'll. in the first place." said the
stranger, abstractedly, "do you hap.
pen 10 know the effect Of beer on
animals ~
Cant say do"
Its exactly the reverse Of what
1t Is on me. Instead of soothing
EN- it excites their nervous organi.
zatlon to the highest pitch. Act.
ualls = makes 'em insane.
Does. eh ?"
Yes, sir; and this morning as il
was rather sultry, l sent my young
est boy for Il gallon of beer He
stopped on the way and put the can
down to play marbles. McGmty s
old black goat came along and
drank up the beer-every drop OF
it."
Great Casar' said the Court
reporter, snackilg his lips. regret
fully.
HE drank every drop of it, and
nearly choked to death Oh the can.
He stood blinking around a little
tor a while; then he started for |,
street car with all colors set. He
hit the horse square a,nid-ships,
and 1t foundered at once.n
Wrecked, l suppose said the
editor.
Precisely. The goat then glanc-
ed OF, killed the driver and tele-
scoped the car. / was sitting at the
window all this time, and nv at
tention was attracted by Governor
Perkins going down the street
bent on the election"
Governor Perkins,"
That's the goats name YOU see.
McGInty Is a strong Republican.
There were four men getting piano
out OF wagon across the street
when the Government went through
'em like a pile-driver behind time.
The Steinway was sent to the man
ufactory and the men went to the
hospital. Terrible, wasn't it?n
is this ghost story in one act ?n
asked the militia special, getting
out his Springfield.
In one scene and nine tableaux," ("
said the stranger solemnly. "On
the next block the Governor came
across Dutch picnic, headed by Il
brass band. The Teutons were
playing Listen to the "Mocking
Bird, and the way that goat stood
on It's hind legs and waltzed around
the pavement to the music was just
too funny for anything. | may say
that it was actually amusing. 1t
slipped on a banana peel once and
fell against a cigar sign
Never mind the scenery" said
the editor, motioning the devil to
call in six of the healthiest compos
itors.
"Well, pretty soon the band
changed of into Come Where My
Love Lies Dreaming.
Did the goat come p
] You just bet he did. He didn't
fancy the new tune somehow, and
the first thing the drum major
knew, Perky-we cal! the goat Per-
ky for short Perky took him in
the stomach, broke him clean in
two, went through the rest of the
band, including the big drum, and
80 Oh clear down to the end of the
picnic, which was four squares long.
| think there must have been nine
ty-two killed and eight hundred
and six wounded. Pretty good.
when YOU consider the entire driv-
ing power was only one gallon Of
cheap beer; now. wasn't it? Now,
it occurred to-"
Just one minute" said the ed
itor, signaling the staff to spit on
their hands and timber up for ac-
ton. You concluded TO catch the
goat when he got sober and bring
him down here for our benefit. You
have bin now tied to the firc-plup
around the corner, and if we will
only chip in about four bits of beer.
you will get the animal started and
We can watch the fun"
Exactly said hestranger. warm
ly; that is precisely my idea. |
will now take up a col"
That afternoon such of the custo-
mers of the Post as toiled up into
the editorial rooms wondered at the
;, number of fresh blood stains IN the
stairs.