Connecticut western news., 1882-03-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

A Two-YEAR old tootsy-pootsy told her aunt it was 'yaining," because she "heard it's footsteps on the gallery"
 How MANY people are there in the world who would like to find out prac- tically whether riches add to ones hap piness or not
 "YoUNa MAN," said the landlord, "I always eat the cheese rind." And the new boarder replied, "Just so; am leaving this for you."
 IF THE envious Casca" were in New York now, he would find the rent he made very small compared with some demanded by real estate owners. Courier.
 A PHILADELPHIA coal dealer recently received from a prominent shoddyite, who had been to Europe, an order for five tons of coal delivered la cart.- Philadelphia Ne,0s.
 BoYs, stick to the farm. It is better to hoe corn in the hot sun and get a whipping for not doing it we'll than to sit in a morocco bound chair and con- fess to the directors. .s-. .
 GENIUS is great thing, without doubt; but if you have capacity for hard work, you have so good a substf- tute for genius that you can't tell the difference between the two. -a
 A NEW song is entitled "Be kind to the foreigner who lands on our shores It seems to us that this song will never do for temperance gathering, for it is 8 sort of back an alien song.-Son,ervili Journal.
 SCIENTISTS say that the best brain food is corn meal so, if you wish to aatter scientist by some delicate allu- sion to his mental capacity, all you have to do is to call him mush- head then run.
 OH, YES, there is such @ thing as an exhausted receiver, but this phrase does not refer to the receiver of defunct savings bank or insurance company. You have been misinformed, my child. Boston Transcript. .s
 A ROCHESTER street-car horse shot out with his heels the other day, and hit the driver with one and the cash box with the other, and an investigation showed that he had kicked $6 into the drivers overcoat pocket.
 A FEW days since barber offered a reward for instantly removing super fuous hair. Among the answers was one forwarded by 8 gentleman in Kingston. We give it.: Undertake to kiss woman against her will"
 SOME folks can't be made happy. The lady we refer to cried out from her seat in the coach, "How thirsty am P un- til the exasperated passengers stopped at well and gave her her fill. Was she satisfied? Not at all. She teased their lives out during the rest of the journey by continually crying, "Oh, how thirsty I wasi"
 AN ostrich on farm in Cape Colony kicked one of the farm hands to death last month. And yet they talk of in. troduclng the culture of the bird into the United States. It's just about all our teamsters can do now to get along with the pale gray mule with brindled legs. What will become of the republic if you introduce mule with wings?
 A TROY paper having spoken of man who was "capable of earning handsome wages as lather," the Press of that city ingeniously responds: "Will some- body please help us with that last word? We don't know whether to pro- nounce it father, or father, or father. Does it mean the emollient used by barber, or is it one who uses lathe, or one who puts on lathsP"
 THEY were talking about the compar-, ative readiness of the sexes to oblige one another, when Jones employed this illustration: "A man walking along the street finds a cigar in his pocket,
 but no match. He meets another man
 with lighted cigar, stops him, asks for
 light, gets it and goes on. Now, do
 you suppose one woman would do that
 for another ?"
 "DoN'T talk to me about the advan- tages of an education" indignantly ex- clalmed certain manufacturer lately.
 "Here, I spent 5000 on that boy of mine. He came out of college with flying colors. I put him in charge oi the factory while went off for little vacation, and what do you suppose he did? Shipped 50, 900 of my new patent improved snow shovels to the Amazon districts. "-Philadelohia Ne,0s. , Foaa "put his foot in it badly the z other afternoon. It was rather dark ir the street car as he entered, but he < thought he recognized his friend
 Pingrey sitting in the middle; so h'
 gave him push, saying; Come, move i, |, over Do you want all the car te 3 yourself2" It was not Pingrey. It wa z a stranger. Fogg stammered out al . apology. "I thought" said he, "yot were a gentleman" "Did yeu?" in y terrupted the stranger. "Well, sir Q nobody will ever mistake you for one. E. M. DE CAI1NAux burns with the desir d to see America. He goes on boart ,. ship, but before weighing anchor tn }. weather suddenly becomes extremel. l. tempestuous. The passengers ar J. ordered below. M. de Calinaux refuse l. to obey. "Come, oome," somebod.
 says to him, "you'd better do as the.
 say. If you don't they'll lock you u