The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-07-28
HUMOR.

HUMOR.
ADVICE to wives Man Is very much
like an egg-keep him in hot water and
he is bound to become hardened.
In some parts of South America the
banana skin is converted into a material
of which ladies' dresses are made. This
is probably the kind that the lady ships
on easily.
"THIRTY years ago was poor boy"
he proudly observed to the reporter, "a
poor boy at 81 week. Step by step
rose from the mental position until l
became member of the Legislature,
and here am ut last" The interview
was held at the gentleman's place OF res
idence-the State prison at Auburn
Brooklyn Eagle.
THE LIGHTEsT THING.
Pray what is lighter than a festherr
Dust, my friend, in dryest weather.
What's lighter than the dust. prayf
The wind that watts Il far away.
Pray what is lighter than the windf
The lightness Of womans mind.
And what is lighter than the last?
Nay, now, my friend, you have me fast?
| -Iso1t u, Thomas
"WHATs the matter, Jones?' shout
ed Nassau street man to friend, who
limped painfully along on the opposite
side of the street. "Nothing, nothing;
only have n pair OF new shoes" "Oh,
I rather thought the shoes had you"
said Smith, as he went into the elevator
to cool of. NeW York Commercial
advertiser.
IT is said by fashion reporters that
"cheese cloth is being used for ladies'
dresses and so forth. Those who have
noticed the bandages around cheese will
wonder il they can be made up into
dresses without retaining the odor OF tho
cheese. 1t would be pretty tough to
take girl to party who had a suspi-
cion of limberger clinging to her gar
ments.-Peck's San.
"OF course" continued Brown, " the
tricycle. is much easier to ride than the
bicycle" "Oh, pap exclaimed the
elder Miss B., " it must be much more
difficult to keep three wheels upright
than two." AS Miss b. has been to
finishing school, where they thoroughly
! exhausted natural philosophy, tie young
lady is undoubtedly correct.-Boston
Transcript.
A BoARDER at Leadville hotel inves-
tigated his beefsteak and found that it
was a fried liver pad that a former
/ boarder had oawned for his board. The
landlord didn't want to lose it, SO he had
it cooked. liver pad if nicely cooked
is fine eating, with mushrooms, but of
course in that new country, where they
have not all the cooking utensils, it must
be trifie raw. George Peck.
"WELL, my little fellow" said
philanthropic old gentleman as he patted
a gamin on the head, "what do you ex-
pect to be when you grow up?' Ter
goin' to be song and dance man, am.
I've just got nineteen different steps
down fine. / say, mister, hain't you got
a kid what1l go in with fellow an make
mp double clog?" The philanthropio
old gentleman passed on in hurry.
WHAT IS FEM?
bit Of silk satin
Trimmed with lace;
tiny hat, feather,
Lovely face;
Two bright, black eyes oft dancing
With delight;
Two ruby lips 80 tempting
! To tine sight;
That "bang" OF light brown frizxes
Hides her brow
Two rosy cheeks-ah, mel she
Bushes now.
Amherst College Student
ONE Sunday morning after service the
minister expressed the great satisfac-
ton it gave him to see in his pew a
member of the congregation who had
not made his appearance at church for
several months and was commonly sup
posed to have gone the way OF the world,
the flesh and the devil. The neighror
TO whom this qualification was commu-
nicated SIMPLY replied: "You seem to
forget that his wife is IN the midst OF
her house cleaning"
81 SAY, sir, do you want 20 hire boy,
sir" said a bright-lookirg little fellow,
as he stepped into business Office.
"What can you do. sir ?" was the re-
spondent inquiry. :" L can tell the truth,
sir" was the bright reply. Don't
want you, my little man; my business
can't stand truth-telling." Better take
the boy" said bystander. 81 know
him. When he says he can tell the
truth he lies like blazes. He can't do it,
nor his father before him couldn't eth
er." Boy engaged on modern business
principles. -NeU Haven Register.
DIR. CHApIN was dining at hotel and
was served with what was called barley
soup on the bill of fare. "That is not
barley SOUP said ne to the waiter, - it
is barely SOUP" On another occasion,
while travelling in the South with his
wife, who was uncommonly dark -com-
plexioned, he addressed an old colored
man as "uncle." "How happens it."
said his wife, roguishly. "that that col
ored man is your uncle?" "He is my
uncle by marriage, I suppose" He
once asked his daughter, who was also
pronounced brunette and very small,
"Marion, why are you like certain
Boston book-publishing house ?" "I
give it up, father" said she. Because
you are little and brown" was the
answer.