Daily Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1876-1884, 1882-06-21
Lady Physicians.

A st. Louis doctor factory recently
turned out dozen female doctors. As
long, says Peck's San, as the female doc
tors were confined to one or two in the
whole country, and those were only ex-
perimental, we held our peace and did
not complain; but now that the colleges
are engaged in producing female doctors
as q business we must protest, and in so
doing we will give few reasons why
female doctors will not prove paying
branch of industry.
In the first place, if they doctor any
body it must be women, and three
fourths of the women would rather have
a male doctor. Suppose these colleges
turn out female doctors until there are
as many of them as there are male doc
tors, what have they got to practice on
A man, if there was nothing the matter
with him, might call in female doctor,
but if he was sick as horse (if man is
sick he is sick as horse), the last thing
he would have around would be female
doctor. And why? Because, when a
man has O female fumbling around him
he wants to feel well. He don't want to
be bilious or feverish, with his mouth
tasting like cheese and his eyes blood.
shot, when the female doctor is looking
him over and taking account of stock.
OF course these female doctors are all
young and good-looking, and if one of
them came into sick-roOm, where q
man was in bed, and he had chills, and
was as cold as wedge, and she should
-: al 10 o.. Df hi, h1l n,1I
take hold of his hand, his pulse would
run up to $50, and she would prescribe
for fever when he had chilblains. Oh,
you can't fool us on female doctors. A
man who has been SICK, and has male
doctors, knows just how much he would
like to have female doctor come trip
ping in and throw her fur-lined cloak
over chair, take off her hat and gloves
and throw them on a lounge, and come
up to the bed with pair of marine blue
eyes, with a twinkle in the corner, and
look him in the wild, changeable eyes,
and ask him to run out his tongue. Sup
pose he knew his tongue was coated so
it looked like yellow Turkish towel, do
you suppose he would want to run out
over five or six inches of the lower part
of it and let that female doctor put her
finger on it to see how furred it was !?
Not much. He would put that tongue
up into his cheek, and wouldn't let her
see it for twenty-five cents admission
We have all seen doctors put their hands
under the bed-clothes and feel of mans
feet to see if they were cold. If a
female doctor should do that it would
give man cramps in the legs. A male
doctor can put his hand ON mans stom-
ach, and liver, and lungs, and ask him
if he feels any pain there; but if female
doctor should do the same thing, it
would make man sick, and he would
want to get up and kick himself for EN-
ploying a female doctor. Oh, there is
no use talking, it would kill man.
Now suppose o man has heart disease,
and female doctor should want to lis
ten to the beating of his heart. She
would lay her left ear on his left breast,
so her eyes and rosebud mouth would be
looking right in his face, and her wavy
hair would be scattered all around
there, getting tangled in the buttons of
his night shirt. Don't you suppose his
heart would get in about twenty extra
beats to the minute? You bet! And she
would smile-we will bet ten dollars she
would smile-and show her pearly
teeth, and the ripe lips would be work
ing as though she were counting the
beats, and he would think she was try
ing to whisper to him, and -. Well,
what would he be doing all this time?
If he was not dead yet, which would be
wonder, his left hand would brush the
hair away from her temple and kind of
stay there to keep the hair away, and
his right hand would get sort OF nervous
and move around to the back OF her
head, and when she had counted the
beats few minutes and was raising her
head, he would draw the head up to
him and kiss her once for luck, if he
was as bilious as Jersey smamp angel,
and charge it in the bill. And then a
reaction would set in, and he would be
as weak as a cat, and she would have to
fan him and rub his head till he got
over being nervous, and then make out
his prescription af.er he got asleep. No;
all of a mans symptoms change when q
female doctor is practicing on him, and
she would kill him dead.-Chicago
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