Arizona weekly enterprise., 1882-07-29
The Hammock.

There is something about hammock that is indescribable, and there is no rule that can be made that will insure safety while ..sitting in one of the queer things. There are people who believe that hammock understands what is go- ing on, and occasionally indulges in q joke. It is certain that an old per son with lame back can swing in a hammock half the day and it will never kick. up. Servant girls and children can get into hammock as thick as three in bed, and there is no danger, but let spoony young couple sit down in ham, mock ever so carefully and it seems as though the confounded thing WAS alive, and had taken e contract to spill them out on the ground in all sorts of embar- rassing shapes. What 1t is that causes the commotion will perhaps never be known, without an investigation by some middle-sged person, and, if the season was not so near over, we would investigate the blasted thing ourseif, in the interest of our young readers who are in the full flush of hammockhood. There can be noth- ing much more annoying to a young couple than to be sitting side by side or facing each other, in hammock, leok- ing into each others eyes, and allowing the love they dare not speak to show itself in those orbs, aud just as they are feeling as though they couldn't live g minute unless they clasped each other to each others heaSing bosoms, or at least one heaving bosom and one boiled shirt, and then have the hammock turn bot f<,,,, 1< %hah hoo oIy of their necks, on the ground, with legs pointed toward the crab apples on the trees to which the hammock is hitched, arms fiinging wildly to pull down panta- looms legs, and hands convulsively claw ing gravel, and muslin and delaine, while blushes suhuse faces that but 8 moment before were background for the picture of loves young dream, and CT wd Of spectators on the hotel veranda laugh ing and saying, "Set 'em up again, :" the hammock shakes itself and turns right side up for other victims, as though it knew what it had been doing, and enjoyed it. There are young men all over the land who have been through such experiences, and had to walk back ward all the way to the house. owing to Assure veins being discovered in the wearing apparel below the suspenders, while the number of girls that have been mortified by having to go to the house with their back hair in one hand, their skirts in the other, while six places be- tween the polonaise and the ar-rings were aching like the toothache from con- tact with the gravel path, are legion, and we call upon the authorities to sup press the hammock as nuisance. More matches have been broken up by ham, mocks than by all the Sunday schools in the world, and no girl who is bow legged, or has an ankle like rutabaga, should ever trust herself in hammock, even though it is held by half dozen friends, as the hammock will shy at g piece of paper as quick as a skittish horse, and in such c moment as ye think not you are on all fours, your head dizzy, and if there is hole in your stocking as small as the old miser's
 heart, it will look to outsiders as big as the gate to fair ground. O, hammock IS worse than bicycle Peck's Sun.