News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-08
THE LIME-KILN CLUR.
A Chapter on Cheek-Rivers and
Harbors-General Notes.
[from the Detroit Free Press

Harbors-General Notes.
[from the Detroit Free Press.l
After Elder Toots had taken his reg
ular position and closed his eyes in
sleep, and Samuel Shin had hung up the
water dipper and wiped off his chin,
Brother Gardner began:
Chow few men in dis woruld rise to
de sublimity of de oeeashun ! An, too,
how few of us know whar' de sublimity
comes in. When trubble comes we
knuckle to it an lose our sand, instead
of soarin' aloft an lookin' down upon it
from de clouds. De ancient martyrs
had sublimity. De ancient Greeks an
Romans had it, an our statesmen an
generals an citizens have bin chuck-full
of it. A man who cannot be sublime
when occashun demands it am only fit
to work in boneyard. What am nobler
dan to see pollytishun demand to be
'lected to offs on his merits, stead of
gwine aroun' to buy votes, pull wires
an wallow in de slums Whatam nobler
dan to see cashier who has got away
wild $40, 900 in a moment of weakness
rise above it an return wild de cash an
confess his error?
'Be keerful dat you doan' contour
sublimity wild cheek. 1t am cheek to
borrow SIS from friend, but it am SUBJ
Unity to pay it. 1t am cheek to run in
debt when you know you can't pay-it
am sublimity to turn ober an ole red
COW, two sheers of stock an yeller dog
to yer creditors. 1t am cheek to climb
a back fence an break into de hen-pen
it am sublimity, in case you am dis
klvered, to convince de owner dat you
was lookin' fur your los COW.
elf sickness comes, be sublime. Dat
is, put on mustard plasters an take
three pills.
''If de man who holds de chattel
mortgage on your SEWN machine fore
closes, be sublime. Dat is, have your
family SEWN did by some first-class
dressmaker.
''If sorrow comes, be sublime. Dat
is, continer to pay one hundred cents
on de dollar.
'If MISFORTUNE obertakes you, be
sublime. Dat is, take off yer silks an
welvets an diamonds an lay 'em away
fur few days until people have had
chance to weep wild you. Let us now
purceed to de bizness which de kentry
L, l.
METEOROLOGICAL.
The Committee on the Weather re-
ported the rainfall of November, the
snowfall of January and the high winds
of March as basis of calculation, and
they were ready to announce that the
coming summer would be a cool one.
1t wouldn't be so cool that there would
be any danger of children being frozen
in July, but no prudent man should
start out to cut wheat without an over
coat.
CAN'T FIND ANY.
The Committee on the Bulwarks of
Liberty reported that it had made in
quiries all over the country to ascertain
if the United States had named any
capes, bays, rivers, lighthouses, noun
tains or forts after colored heroes, and
the following list had been gathered:
"Nigger Head"-near Beaufort. No
particular niger mentioned.
"Cuffee Bay"-Florida. Might have
been called after some General, but
guess not.
"Black River" North Carolina. Prob
ably intended to compliment the race
as body, but mighty small river.
Runaway Beach"-Florida Can't
say whether it was horse or hotel
waiter who ran away.
"Fort Smith - Indian Territory.
This might have been named after
Pickles Smith, but the committee has
its doubts.
"Shin Reef off Wilmington. The
committee is in doubt whether it was
named after Samuel Shin or some Soan-
ish discoverer.
SHE LII HAVE To.
Sir Isaac Walpole then arose in all his
grandeur of six feet and seven inches
and offered the following resolution
RESOLVED, Dat de tire has now ar
rove when de gov'ment has got to give
de Guild race show. As de head an
front of de Guild race in dis kentry, we
demand of de gov'ment as folders
"Dat de names of three forts shall be
changed to Giveadam Jones, Trustee
Pullback an Whalebone Boozer.
"Dat de names of three light houses
shall be changed to Pickles Smith.
Samuel Shin an Elder Toots.
"Dat de names of two mountains
shall be changed to Sir Isaac Walpole
and Waydown Bebee.
"Dat de names of two ribers shall be
to Rev. Penstock an Judge
Yam.
"Dat de names of Lakes Erie and
Ontario shall be changed to Gen. Git
Thar Black an Prof. Rolling Pin Bell.
Dat de name of one-half of de
Pacific Ocean shall be called fGardner's
Pond, arter de beloved President of dis
club"
The resolution was adopted without
debate, and a committee of four ap-
pointed to notify Uncle Sam that he
must either come down or there would
be row.
HOW TO DO 1T.
The Committee on National Corrup-
ton, to whom was referred the query
from Indiana, Chow can we purify the
ballot-box ?" reported that they had
given the matter patient investigation
and consulted the very best medical au-
thorities, and had decided to recommend
of lime. Sprinkle it on the
box night and morning for week and
a thorough publication is guaranteed.
NAME YOUR VEGETABLE.
The Secretary then announced the
following communication from the
"Colored Savants' Coterie" of Charles
ton, S. c.:
" RESOLVED, Dat dis body do take the
ground dat man am but higher order
of vegetable, an we respectfully invite
de Lime-Kiln Club of Detroit to agree
wild u.s.
Prof. Carnifex Montgomery at once
arose with smiling countenance to move
an agreement, but Brother Gardner
stOpDed him with