Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-02-22
FLASHES or W.T..

broke" :.
"SYRAcusE has female architect"
Norristown hasn't a female architect, but
she has moret than one designing woman.
-N0rrist0,cn Herald.
IT is said Mat shark will not bite a
swimmer who keeps his legs in motion.
If you can keep kicking longer than
shark can keep waiting, You are all
right.
:" Too much absorbed in his business I"
was the comment of western newspaper
on the death OF brewer who was
in tank OF his own beer
Sunday Ne,Ds.
The young Englishman, just over,
read to his wife the heading Of o
medicine advertisement" Gained eight
pounds in ten days." and remarked,
!" Hexcellent wages, that, Mary
THE most truthful and unobtrusive
man in the community will, in one week
after he becomes the owner Of setter
dog, develop into talented, gaudy, and
destinations liar. - Texas S!ftings.
ONE Of the experts at Washington
said :. he couldn't understand Guiteau, /"
The sheriff may not understand the
assassin, either; but it is hoped that he
will soon get the hang Of him. Morris
to,on Herald.
A NEW work on etiquette says: "Soup
must be eaten with q spoon" People
who are in the habit of eating soup with
q fork or q carving knife will be slow to
adopt these new-fangled ideas. Norris
toWn Herald.
A HUMOROUS courtship: He: May L
call you Revenge? She: Why? he;
Because Revenge is sweet. She: Ger.
tainly you may; provided, though, you
will let me call you Vengeance. He:
And why would you call me Vengeance?
She: Because "Vengeanceis NINE
AnOn.
A SURGEON has removed O patients
leg above the knee. The subject Ia
ments the loss of his limb. "Come,
come" says the man Of science, cheer.
lily, "you mustn't take on so. It's all
for the best-see, you were going to
have corn on your little toe. y Paris
Paper.
MOTHER seeking a situation as foot
man for her rawboned son. Lady
"Does he know how to wait at table? ?"
Mother" Yes ma'am." Lady" Does
he know his way to announce? Mother
-" Well, ma'am, don't know that he
knows his weight to an ounce, but he
does to POUND or twO."
The Shah Of Persia pays his barber
81, 900 q year and shaves only once a
month; and if the barber suggests,
"Shampoo to-day, sir, little oil this
morning." or dares to mention his "hail
restorer," his head is sent away from the
palace in one box and his body in anoth.
er.--New Hauen Register.
An Irishman took Yankee friend Ia
church with him on Christmas day. The
music was magnificent and the decora-
tions gorgeous. On their way out Of
church he asked the Yankee how he liked
it. "Why, it beat the devil! said the
down-easter. "That's the intention, "
dryly remarked the gentleman from Tip.
perary.
SOME little girls in Brooklyn Sunday
school were studying the history Of
David, the passage for the day being
that which describes the shepherd boys
victory over Goliath. The teacher asked
the question: "Now, can any OF you
little girls tell me who killed the giant p
Quick as thought one of the smallest re-
sponded, "Jack."
WHEN little Minnie was two years ole
she asked for some water one night
When it was brought she said: "Papa
can't you get me some fresh water
This tastesa little withered." Her httl
| sister had been accustomed to light il
the room, and wakened in great distress
crying, Me can't see, Aunt Bessie; m,
eyes are all blowed out"
CLUBrTE A was telling story in tn
club. Clubite B, when it was finished
said: "Well, that reminds me of anothe
anecdote," and he related it. A there
upon remarked: ~ don't see how wha
you have told us was recalled by M
story" cit was" replied B, "becaus'
mine was on the same page of Joe Mil
Ter as yours. "-B0st0n Courier.
YOUNG George D. having impor-
tuned his father for horse, the indul.
gent parent presented him with the an
Gent steed which for years had carried
him about the city streets. A few days
afterward the affectionate son interviewed
bis father and renewed his request, say
ing, Father, can't you give me horse
o little nearer my own age. that would
be more Of companion for me?"
A LADY interested in charitable cause
waits upon a millionaire, aud vainly en-
deayors to obtain subscription from
him. "What, sir /" she at last exclaims
Indignantly, with your immense for.
tune you refuse to give paltry donation
for" "Ah, madame, if we poor ricf
people were 50 constituted by nature
that we enjoyed giving away, you see i
would be too much happiness for mortal
man to eDioy.--Paris Paper.
GEORGE Ito his friend, who had been
fishing this year in the Highlands) -
The sun has burnt your face, my boy,
but it does not seem to have touched
your hands; they're as" Alec" BY
Jove, it hadn't a chance, old man. They
were always III my pockets! Scot
lands became ON awful expensive place.
I'm regularly cleaned out. London
Punch.
An old lady in the country had dandy
from town to dine with her on certain
occasion, and on the table was an enor.
nous apple pie. fla, ma'am, said the
gentleman, chow do you manage Il
make such a pie ?" " Easy enough, ;
was the quaint reply; Eve make thu
crust in a wheelbarrow, wheel it undel
an apple tree, and then shake the fruit
down into it"
A BIcKERrNa pair Of Quakers wer,
lately heard in high controversy, thu
husband exclaiming: g / am determined
TO have one quiet week with thee
But how wilt thou be able to get il 2
said the haunting spouse. in that sort Of
retention which married ladies' 40 pro
vokingly indulge In. II will keep thet
q week after thou art dead, /" was ths
Quaker's reioinder.
IT is related Of q Massachusetts, law
yer that he was anxiously looking for hi
hat at tho noon recess Of the court 3
Northampton. recently. Picking up on,
from the table and scanning IL dubious
fw "a <Alln.1 HR. :. -.