Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-05-15

Some people are constantly making new
acquaintances and dropping old ones.
You see, their friendships are so warm
that they no sooner take one up than they
are compelled to drop it again.
Chow do I manage to rid myself of
bores?" said woman of the world.
''Nothing is easier. When want to send
a man away talk to him about myself.
When want him to stay indefinitely,
talk about himself
A celebrated lawyer said that the three
most troublesome clients he ever had
were young lady who wanted to be mar
ried, married woman who wanted a
divorce, and an old maid who didn't know
what she wanted.
They tell of a man out west who was
putting a blast in WE'LL and it went off
prematurely and blew him out into an
apple-tree about fifty feet away. In a
moment he recovered himself, and remark
ing, ''after all l guess it's almost time to
go pruning" took Il large pruning knife
from his pocket and set to work.
Rev. Samuel Ellis related at recent
club meeting in Boston number of anec-
dotes about the late DR.. Chaplin. Once
when DR.. Chaplin was dining at hotel,
he was served with what was called barley
soup on the bill of fare. 'sThis is not
barley soup,' said he to the waiter: sit
is barely SOUP He once asked his
daughter, who was also a pronounced
brunette and very small, 'Marion, why
are you like certain Boston book-pub-
fishing house?" ''I give it US, father -
said she. Because you are a little
brown" was the answer.
An old negro waiter who met Governor
Vance in hotel in Philadelphia was a
good theologian. The Governor had
known him ''down SOUTH" and, having
made few pleasant remarks began to
twit him about religious matters. '.Well
now, Joe," asked the Governor, 'sdo you
really believe in this election by God, that
you speak Off" 's'Deed I do Massa
Vance," said the negro, seriously, with a
shake of the head. ''Well, do you think
/ am elected to be saved?'' Scarcely
know, Massa Vance; but l nebber heard
of any one being 1ected that wasn't a
canderdate''
There are many humorous as well as
pathetic incidents connected with the
Mississippi floods. A Memphis paper re-
lates this one: A certain boat coming up
the Mississippi the other day lost her way
and bumped up against a frame house.
an old darkey rammed his head up through
a hole in the roof where the chimney once
came out and yelled at the captain on the
boat: ''Whar de Ole Harry is yer gwine
wild dat boat? Can't you see muffin? Fust
thing yer knows yer gwine to turn dis
house ober, spill de old woman an de
chiFen out in de flood an drown 'em. Wat
yer doin' out here in de country wild yer
darned ole boat, anyhow? Go on back
yonder froo de con fields an git back into
de ribber whar you blongs. Ant got no
business sewn miles out in de country
foolin' roun' peoples houses, nohow!'
PROMPT ACTION IN ACUTE CAsEs.-In
acute cases, Compound Oxygen has been
found to act with great promptness. Says
one of our correspondents II was suffer
| ing from cold at the time / received your
treatment-with a pain in the head, sore
| throat, and violent cough-and kept get
ting rapidly worse, till in few days
was compelled to keep in my bed. In
! three days | was able to get up, and was
1 entirely over it in less than ten days,
which, considering that am now an in
! valid at the best of times, is doing well
and | give the Oxygen credit" Our treat
les on Compound Oxygen, containing
large reports of cases and full information
sent free. Drs. Starkey & Palen, llOs
iii Girard street, Philadelphia, Pa.