Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-02-15
SPICE AND ALLSPICE>

A LITTLE Maine girl said it was every
cold" one day last week, "ten feet below
Zion."
WHEN fusil lie comes into combination
with the Emerald lie it is apt to result in
good article of punch.
SYMPATHETIC: 81 feel for you deep
| ly," said the hungry man, probing about
in his soup-bowl for stray oyster.
No WONDER that Guiteau, who is o
total abstainer, found Porter too strong
for him.-Puck.
A Mrs. P. S. SKUsE dropped dead in
Watkins, Monday afternoon. She is an
ex-Skuse now.-RocheSter Express.
SAMBo SMILES: It made our colored
gentleman smile when the doctor told
him that getting vaccinated was simply
taking matter from one calf to put into
another.
| A CHANDELIER was given the Metho-
dist Church in Newport, n. H., by a
Concord lady, in memery of her father.
| He must have been one of the lights of
| the church.
A YOUNG dramatist shows an acquaint-
ance through his gallery of family por-
traits. "Lucky dogs, those ancestors
of mine p he observes, thoughtfuHy;
GIVE made name for them"
The chances are that Lieutenant Flip
per will never sit under a tree after a
battle, in the uniform of the United
States officer, and comb the cannon balls
out Of his hair.-TeTaS S5ftings.
STUDENT (not very clear as to his les
SOM: "That's what the author says,
anyway" Professor: 81 don't want
the author; want you" Student (de-
spairingly): "Well, you've got me. >
Exchange.
A DRUGGIST at Bolton Falls, Va, has
been sent to prison for sixty days I" for
selling liquor as a beverage" Wonder
what they would have done with him if
he had sold it as a liver-pad or as a wash
for removing freckles ?-Ieras Sifti'ags.
WHILE in college the late President
Garfield wrote as follows: eff / gain
nothing else by the course, [ shall at
least rid myself of that reverential awe
! which [ have been accustomed to feel to-
ward man with more sheepskin than
sense. The world is terribly gulled by
college puffs.'
Two men discussing the wonders of
modern science: Said one, "Look at
astronomy, now; men have learned the
distance to the stars. and with the spec
troscope they have even found out the
substances they are made Of" !" Yes, 7"
said the other, "but the strangest of all
to me is how they found out all their
names ~
GA YOUNG naturalist" writes us to
learn chow he can catch live wasp for
scientific purposes without injuring it 2"
Right by the tail, son; right by the tip
end of the tail. Squeeze hard The
wasp won't mind it particle, and if it
seems to be injured any that you can
see, send us the bill, and we'll pay for a
new wasp.-Reading Times.
GA MAN out In New Jersey attempted
to vaccinate bull dog, the other day,
just for an experiment" said man in a
cafe, the other day. SIT took, I pre-
sume," replied his companion. .ss Took
Well, I should say it did; the bull dog
crouched like ball, and, letting him
self suddenly out, took couple of fin
gers off the man, who took to his heels.
1t was one of the supremest cases of
took on record. PUCK.
VERY narrow escape A youth of Hi
bernian extraction in chopping wood
with Ratchet the other day was so un-
fortunate as to Craze the thumb of his
left hand with which he was steadying
the piece of kindling he was splitting.
Ruefully gazing at the injured member
he remarked: "Be CORA, it was good
thing did not have hold of the handle
with both hands, or I'd have cut it off
sure. y Waterbury Republican.
A correspondent writes us to know
which, In our judgment, is the safest
seat in case of a railroad collision, as he
wishes to settle controversy with some
friends. From long and painful study
in this matter, and calling to our aid a
ripe experience, we would say, without
fear of a successful denial, that the
safest seat in case of railroad collision
is the top rail of a reliable fence about
four miles in q northeasterly direction
from the collision.-L0r0n1ie Boomer
0ng.
SOMEONE has been looking over the
census of 1880, and discovered that
s'sixty thousand men of this nation
every year fill drunkard's grave" This
is all wrong. 1t is swinish, and the
sixty thousand men shouldn't do it.
When the poor drunkard dies, and finds
sixty thousand men filing his grave-his
mortuary claim jumped, SO to speak
his feelings will be crushed; though how
so many men are going to get into one
grave is what puzzles us.-Norristoa0n
Herald.
DISTRICT ATTORNEY SHERMAN was
cross examining a young man indicted
for burglary in the superior court. The
prisoner testified that he had gone by
various names in different localities,
when the affable colonel asked: old
you go by any other name?' Yes. "