Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-10-13
F. u N


AN ANGEL UNALLoYED.-The best ma
tured woman in the United States lives in
Austin. She has been married number
of years to man named Ferguson, but
she and her husband have never had
quarrel yet, and he has frequently boosted
that it was utterly impossible to make her
angry. Ferguson made several desperate
attempts to see if he could not exasperate
her to look cross, or scowl at him, mere
ly to crafty his curiosity, but the more
outrageous he acted, the more affable and
loving she behaved.
Last week he was talking with friend
about what hard time he has had trying
to find out if his wife had temper. The
friend offered to bet $50 that it Ferguson
go home drunk, raise a row and pull
the tablecloth full of dishes off the table,
she would show some signs of annoyance.
Ferguson said he didn't want to rob a
friend of his money, for he knew he would
win; but they at last made a bet of $50,
the friend to hide in the front yard and
watch the proc eeding of the convention
through the window.
Ferguson came home late, and, appar-
emily. fighting drunk. She met him at the
gate, kissed him, and assisted his totteriDg
steps to the house. He sat down In the
middle of the floor, and howled out.
'Confound yer ugly picture, what did
yer mean by pulling that chair from un-
der me?''
II hope you did not hurt yourself, it is
my awkwardness, but I'll try not TO do it
again. and helped him to his feet. al
though she had nothing in the world to do
with it.
He then sat down on the sofa, and, slid
ing off on the floor, abused her like pick
pocket for lifting up the other end of the
sofa, all of which she took good naturally
He threw plate at her, but she acted as
if she had not noticed it, and asked him if
he would take tea or coffee.
Then the brute seized the table cloth
and sat down on the floor, pulling the
dishes and everything else over with him.
in one grand crash
What did this noble woman do? Do
you suppose she grumbled and talked
about going home to her ma, or That she
sat down and cried like TOOL, or that she
sulked and pointed? Not bit of it. With
pleasant smile she said:
"Why, George, that's new idea, isn't it?
We have been married ten years and have
never yet eaten our supper on the floor.
Won't it be fun just like those pic-nlcs
we used to go to before we got married?
and then the angelic woman deliberately
sat down on the floor along side of the
wretch, arranged the dishes and fixed him
nice supper.
This broke George all up. He owned
up he was only fooling her, and Offered to
give her the $50 to get herself hew hat,
but she took the money and bought him a
new suit of clothes and a box of cigars.
Heaven will have to be repaired and
white-washed before it is fit for that kind
of woman.-Galueston Neaos.
Tailors make irrepressible lovers.-They
know how to press suit.
Why is widower like a house in a state
of observation-disclosures he ought to be
repaired. -t-.
Why is wrinkled face like a we'll plough
ed field?-Because it is furrowed with care,
of course.
A lady being asked bya young clergyman
to knit him something nice, she shook her
head and knit her brow.
Men are frequently like tea-the real
strength and goodness are not properly
drawn out until they have been put in
hot water.
A railway station would seem to be the
best place for marriage and divorce for
they are used to coupling and uncoupling
there.
A vinegar hearted old bachelor says he
always looked under the head of ''mar-
riages" for the news of tae weak
A Householder was asked if an animal
which he offered was timid. Mot at all -
said he; she often passes many nights by
himself in the stable.''
That was indeed diffident old gentle
man who would never blow the foam off
his beer because he was ''too modest to
blow his own horn. :"
The difference between riding a horse
and riding hobby consists in this: that
one can get oil hoIse at any time. hut
once on ahobby it is doubtful if biz can
eyer get off,