Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-05-04

both sides, in minute. Conductor, just as |
get on this side of the bridge you let Inc out,
or this will be your tomb stone trip to Green
wood %
And the dame Strengthened back and glared
defiance, while her well meaning informant
concluded that it wasn't too warm for him to
walk to his destination.
GENERAL HARDEE AND HIS STRAGGLERs.
We recently heard camp anecdote, which, we
think, is worthy of being preserved in print.
While on forced march in some of the army
movements in Mississippi, General Hardee
came up with straggler who had fallen some
distance in the rear of his command. The
General ordered him forward, when the soldier
replied that he was weak and broken down,
not having had even half rations for several
days.
''That's hard" replied the General, ''but
you must push forward, my good fellow, and
join your command, or the Provost Guard will
take you in hand.''
The soldier halted, and looking up at the
General, asked
''Are you General Hardee 20
EYES," replied the General.
Didn't you write 'Hardee's Tactics ?''
"Yes.''
"Well, General, have studied them tactics,
and know 'em by heart. You've got an order
there to double column at half distance, amt
you %
"Wen,n asked the General, "what has that
got to do with your case 20
'sI'm good soldier, General, and obey al
that is possible to be obeyed but if your or
ders can show me an order in your tactics, to
double distance on half rations, then III give
in"
The General, with hearty laugh, admitted
that there were no tactics to meet the case,
and putting spurs to his horse rode forward.
A HAPPY THOUGHT-An intimate friend
of the late Rev. j. B. Wakely tells an amusing
anecdote of him, as follows:
The doctor was most iniIlitable delinea-
tor, and fond of good story. He related to
me, with great glee, how he eXJricated himself
once from most awkward dilemma. Preach
ing in Hudson River town on a warm sum-
mer afternoon to congregation of farmers
mainly, from the text, eff any man draw
back, my soul hath no pleasure in him." ne
inadvertently observed, "My brethren, sheep
never fight'' Those who were awake looked
up at him, and showed by their interest that
the minister had never seen two old rams try
ing to butt each others brains out. The doc
tor discovered his mistake as soon as they did,
but not seeing his way out of it, he repeated
the statement with greater emphasis. Those
of his audience who were awake nudged their
sleeping brethren, who, on opening their eyes,
looked about to see what had happened. This
greatly embarrassed the doctor, and he was
now sadly puzzled. He ventured, with still
greater emphasis, to repeat the statement,
''My brethren, sheep nerer fight, " When luckl-
ly he saw his way out, and doubling his fist,
struck it into the palm of the other hand, add
ing, with genuine JUNCTION, ''ercept they first
dram hack HuTDer'S Mu0uzine
THE OLD VETERAN -"Judge don't be hard
on an old vet, pleaded ''drunk'' who was
arraigned at the Central Station Court, Mon
day morning.
''Were you in the war ~
81 was, your Honor"
"What regiment -
''No regiment [ sloshed around by my
SELF
"What army were you attached to 20
"None of 'em.'
s'Were you in any battles 20
''Heaps of 'em, Your Honor"
"Give me the name of any one battle"
'Bunker Hill ~ was the prompt reply.
Bunker Hill ~ Why that battle was
fought over a hundred years ago ?" exclaimed
the court.
''Of course she was, your Honor-of course
she was. DO you think I'd be mean enough
to ask you to 60 light on Inc for having slosf-
ed around in any of these riots of the last fifty
years 20
A HUMOROUS INCIDENT OF THE FLOOD
a certain boat coming up the Mississippi the
other day lost her way, and bumped up against
frame house. She hadn't more than touched
it before an old darkey rammed his head up
through hole in the roof where the chimney
once came out and yelled at the captain Oh the
roof. "War de hell is ye gwine wild dat boat?
Can't you see noffin? Fust thing yer knows
yer gwine to turn de house ober, spill de old
woman an de chile out in de food an drown
'em. What yer doin' out in de country wild
yer damn boat, anyhow Go on back yander
froo de con field an git back into de ribber
whar yer b'longs. Amt got no business sewn
miles out in de country foolin roun' peoples
houses, nohow ~ and she backed Out.-Mem-
phis Appeal.
81 A good country parSOn preached a series
of sermons on practical morality, and very in
teresting and instructive they were. A lad
in the village who had heard only one of them
was coming out of an orchard one day, his
pockets bulging out with stolen fruit. He
met the parson, who noticed his efforts to con-
ceal the evidences of his guilt. "Have you
been stealing apples 20 asked the minister.
rs, ANSWERED. Ile Uoy SleeplSHly. Alu
you are trying to hide them from me ~ con-
tinued the good man. eyes, SIR" said the
culprit, frightening up, "You said last Sunday
that we must avoid the appearance of evil"
CHILDISH REPARTEE.-Said Sunday
school teacher, remember, dear children, that
God is everywhere" The words had hardly
escaped his lips, when rougish looking little
fellow rose up and said to the pastor
"Please sir, did you say that God was every
where 20
eyes, my son everywhere"
SIS he in my pocket %
Yes, he is in your pocket"
"Well, guess I've got you there" was the
triumphant retort "cause 1 hain't got any
pocket
AN UNPROFITABLE WITNEss.-1n the old
days of body servants the subordinate was put
on the stand as witness. ''Did you ever see
your master the worse for liquor 20 was the
sharp question Of the attorney. "No, sr,"
was the quick reply, ''but I've many time
seen him the better for it," ''Well, sir, have
you ever seen him intoxicated - was the next
question. "No, SIR" said the servant, with
op,phoc;c lIDa,,ar -, ,,,v lifo 1Onr no.