Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-07-30
BROKEN DOSES,
Compounded for Ihe Sunday Globe by DIR.
Atlas, Fellow OF the American academy
OF Homeopathic HnmoSists.
ARTFUL DODGERS.

OF dQFerIlSlog-nOL the very pest, tHOugl.
Dodger advertising is one Of the best, be-
cause it is artful, and the whole country
is mashed on art about this time. An
artfully gotten up dodger helps the anna
teur job printer, clears the market of
common paper and gives the cause Of
education a send-off 1t commences
where the public schools haven't taken
hold, by going straight into
the hands OF people who
cannot read. 1t saves stammering genius
the trouble Of tearing its two-line En-
| glish fantail letters from the cold and
silent tOmbstones. If there had been
dodgers in Shakspeare's day, the old log
cabin in the Stratford lane would have
been much spicier place to visit, be-
| cause the walls would have been papered
| with them. Shakespeare himself would
have been a much greater man under q
dodger dynasty. 4 dedger is something
| that people generally keep, it has an in
| trinsic value that a newspaper doesn't
| possess, because a newspaper can't afford
| to leave one side blank, For this reason
| journalism will never be able TO entirely
supplant dOdgerism. | received an art
full dOdger while peramju lating Third
street Wednesday morning. 1t said to
me. "Why wilt thou stay in the city
| and wilt when thou carst keep Icool?'' I
think the quotation is from Exodus. But
didn't eXodust. | had been shivering
and looking blue at night about the giils
fer over a week and did not feel that
the broad promise applied to my case;
the whiting cped mic hadn't struck me
| quite. But frOze to the dOdger. and
hung it up tenderly IN the tonsoriaI de-
partment Of my home, where the golden,
crimson sunbcams could fall upon it at
the prayerful twilight hour.
IT WASN'T He.
Yesterday met on Wabashaw street a
man who attracted my attention. He
tried to pass me on the wrong side, and,
failing in this, we both halted. Ny first
impulse was to consider him resuscl-
tated victim Of the Scioto disaster. He
had a raft Of tOothpicks in his mouth,
which he seemed TO wish somebody would
drive down his throat. Twas so disguised
wouldn't accommodate him. Wouldn't
have been willing even to bury him.
| His hat had fallen Off in the conclusion,
and l allowed him to stO0p and pick it
| up himself. 1t seemed, as if the honey
| Of pOliteness, which used to be the boast
| been turned to petritied wormwOod within
me. As he returned from the pavement
with his caddy l noticed that he had a
pug nose, Ieaden eyes, q bad breath. q
greasy skin and scraggly hair and beard.
My disdaln was too great to last, and |
said with suavity:
''Sir, thank you most kindly"
"Wha' fer?" he asked.
"For picking up your hat. 1t was my
place to do it. But 1t isn't every man that
l would apologize to, under the clrcum-
stances;
"GIve US yer repertoire" shooting
hiccough square il my face.
81 would apologize to a steamboat
pilot, a prize-tighter, bank robber, a
clerk of a watering place hotel, or to
your honorable self"
"Honorable self? Who m /? You
don't know me %
| elf | don't know you, there's nothing
i'll phrenology, physiognomy, physiology
or spiritualism. If | can't call the turn
on you, III give you four for one. If [
can't size you up by your character, as
bespoken by your writings and general
| personal appearance, I'll treat"
"WhO IN I?'
Aren't you the raw-mouth of Pecl'8
Sun? Amt you Charles Peck, |. y Peck,
| Speckled Peck, Peculiar Peck, Hen
pecked Peck? Ha, Pay me. come, now,
pay me-
''No sir"
"Then I'm a dead minnow. Come
along and III blow in the price of bot
tie Of kOumis. Come on, colonel, and
you'll never be mistaken for a fun con-
tractor again, if you'll inhale my hospi-
tally for half q week.
THE GOOD NEWS.
Just after the good news came from
Iowa, L met Ruthgarber and said to him,
in tone that was just audible to the
beer key in a white apron across the
street:
''Hello, there, Ruthgarber, old boy,
what do You think of the news from
Iowa?"
81 dink de news ish breddy pad. Fiji
dee tousand vemlles leaved tesdidoot"
81 don't know as it is quite that big"
said l; 'but then We cannot be expected
to sympathize with the wives and chill
dren Of saloon keepers, can we? Think
of the homes they desolated, the hearts
they have broken, the hopes they have
laid low, the misery they have sent abroad
on the tidal wave of the foaming cup
'EVats de matter mid you? Aind
zhloon gebers got thrighd do leeve? Vot
you wand EN- gillet vor, eh?''
We haven't killed any of them yet. 1t
hasn't got that far along. But we like
to see their nefarious business broken
up--''
"An dheir ouses whirlet oop indo de
air?''
"How?''
"Vell Py shemlny ish dot 20, aind
i'd? Vot vor you like to zeen man goin
deaf vor zellln gloss peer Ugh?''
81 have no desire to deprive them OF
i life, and the pursuit of happiness. But
: II they bring starvation upon themselves
\ by battling with the temperance
/ 'Demprence! Ish dot vot you zay?''
"Isn't that what you meant?''
t "Vell, | gay. Twas dalklng, dot cyclone
: aloud. Eent youns vos someding else
: aloud tunking. Aind id? Veil, DIV zhee
miny, dots zo!"
SINGULAR DREAM
l had singular afternoonmare while
taking post-prandial snooze this week
l had eaten pretty heavily of fish from
one of the lakes hereabouts, and sur
prised my stomach, which got even b,
playing trick upon my brain. l can
Ji6II- bpliava that an autopc, q