The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-01-31
A DUMMY ENEMY.
The Only Requisite for Financial
Success on the Pacific Coast.
San Francisco Post.

San Francisco Post.
"Archibald, my boy" said old Mr..
Difenderfer, the rich commission mer-
chant, the other day as he called his son
into the private office, "my dear boy, /
have Just executed the deeds by which /
retire from business to-day, and leave
you sYls active partner in the veal hiest
house on the coast. Naturally, you ex-
pect me to give you some timely coun-
sci for your future guidance"
"Keerect" replied young D., who was
member of the Bohemian Club and
knew it all.
"Y You probably suppose that L Hsst.ta
enjoin upon you frugality, temperance,
integrity and punctuality as the sure
means of success. Not at ALL Those
virtues are all very we'll for the copy
book, but the only real requisite to sue
cess In life-especially in this State-is
a really good reciprocating dummy ene-
N.Y."
ga wha, ?" qneried the scion OF the
house Of D., as he but his feet on the
desk and lit another cigarette.
"Why first class, bitter, unrelenting
dummy enemy. Something like my dear
old friend Guffey, for instance"
"Why, thought YOU we're down on
that man the worst way 2"
"Tbars just the point-that's just the
joke of it," said old D, with chnckle
Fourteen years ago l met Guffev on
the steamer, coming round here from
New York. We had both failed in trade |;
| in Boston; be in Philadelphia; DO of
US fairly driven out OF business by the
usual sanders, jealousies aud underhand
defamation peculiar to-well, every
Uhere."
"Why didn't you 60 into partner
ship ?" asked the junior
"I'll tell you. After talking the mat
ter over, Gnffey and l agreed that the
only way for man with small capital to
get along was to have some trusted
friend on the outside who would keep
him posted as to the doings of his ene-
mics. Some one whom they would talk
to, don't you understand r
81 catch on" remarked the youth.
$50 we concluded to act as each 9th
er's dummy enemy. And from the day
that we stepped off the steamer down at
the wharf, Guffey and I have never spo.
ken to each other, except on the 1st and
18Th of each month, when visit him IN
disguise to compare notes."
"Well, by JoveH
"It's a fact, though. Every time my
enemies--and every body has them. they
sorter grow somehow-put up job on
me, or lie about me, or try to injure me
liz any way they GO to Guffey and at
tempt to rope him into the plot. He
sympathizes with them; says I'm the
most internal old wretch unhung, and
then sits down and writes me tue partic-
ulars. Good scheme that, eh ?" and the
old merchant laughed until he was black
in the face.
"Well, 1 should smile," grinned the
other.
"Of course / do the same for Guffey.
Why, l can't tell how many Thousand
times I've scowled at him on the street,
and remarked to whoever was walking
with: There's that miserable scoundrel,
Guffey. Look at the airs he pu,s on be-
cause he's rich. I'd like to break his
rascally head with a club!"
"Was Gnffev rich then ?"
"Why, no, of course not, at Grst 1t
was part of our scheme don't you see,
to brace up each others credit under the
cover of abuse. For instance, I'd apply
for big discount at some bank, and the
cashier would slip around to Guffey for
information, knowing he'd give away all
my weak points. Gufey would scowl
and say, We'll, suppose the old villain
is solid enough, but d-n man who'd
turn his mother-;n-law out of doors on
cold winter night. The old beast! !
wonder they haven't tarred and ieathered
Diffsnderfer years ago. They say his
grandmother is in the poor house. With
all his money, too just thinkf'
"And does that help you3'
why, certainly. A bank cashier
doesn't care for grandmothers. What
he is after is stingy old capitalists, and
other Muldoons. Why, Guffey once
borrowed $4,000 because l privately
told McLane that G had swindled the
Government on half million contract.
Mac had him up to dinner the very next
day. Think over what | have said, my
dear boy, and 60 thou and do likewise"
And promising tn look carefully
around up at the club, which was cram
full of dummies of all kinds, young Dif-
fenderfer dived into his ulster and has
tened to get up on Kearney street be-
fore the matinees let out.