The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-11-10
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The London Lancet says that death
by hanging is not only painless, but full
of delicious sensations. Try it once,
Norristown Herald.
Most any man can grab gun by
the muzzle and pull it over fence or
out of boat, but the second or third
time will leave the gun without an owner.
Detroit Free Press.
When man has debt that he can
not pay short of three months, and the
creditor is importunate, the only thing
for him to do is to make a note of it,
Lo,OeU Citizen.
The Englishman who addressed q
letter to "The Picayune, Esq, New Or
leans" was not so far out of the way.
There are in this country good many
picayune esquires.-Louisuitle Courier
Journal.
Said railroad engineer to an Irish
she didn't get out of the way when
rang the bell" '.Faith. thin," said
Pat, '.ye didn't shtop when she rang her
bell, naythur. "-HoteI Mail.
81 say, when does this train leaye?"
"What are you asking me for? Go to
the conductor; Pm the engineer" II
know you're the engineer; but you
might give a civil answer" "Yes, but
Pm not civil engineer"
"A woman in Marietta, Ca, killed
a large black snake, and observed that
s.two live mice scampered out of the
snakes mouth" The killing of the
snake did not at all alarm this brave
woman, but the appearance of the mice
caused her to faint dead away.
A physician who is a vestryman in a
country church was called upon to sug-
gest remedy for reducing the swell Of
the new organ, which had been pur-
chased, and which drowned the minis
ter's '.Amen." The wretched man pre-
scribed arnica. He had always used that
for reducing organ swelling.
An Illinois woman recently discoy-
cred that her husband proposed to elope
with the housemaid. Did she weep and
shed tears and kick up fuss? Not
bit of it. She Just wrote aletter purport-
ing to arrange for her elopement with
neighbor, and let it fall into his hands
And it about drove him wild. He fired
the servant girl out of the house, and sat
up all night with shotgun to shoot the
villain who was after hIs wife, and has
been since then the most devoted hus-
band in Illinois.-Boston Post.
"A certain member Of Parliament,
who owned extensive estates, was SPEND
ing few days at the residence Of q
noble family. There were several inter-
esting and accomplished young ladiesin
the family, to whom the honorable menu
Der showed every attention. just as he
was about to take leave the nobleman's
wife proceeded to consult him upon q
matter which. she alleged. was causing
her no little distress. aft IS reported"
said the Countess, athat You are to
marry my daughter Lncy, and what
shall we dOa What shall we say about
it?' 80" responded the considerable
NJ. p, "jusk say she refused mer'
1t was in q horse-car. She had been
away for several months and the chill
dren haf gone to the depot to meet her.
They ehatted away merrily. while she
patted their little heads and smiled in
teressedly. Slows Mary?' she in
quired when they both stopped for
breath. 20, she's well. She's taxing
her music lessons right along" .'And
Harry" Hes going to school; started
last week" '.And papa" 'He's well,
too. He's having q bully time. He said
he didn't care if you didn't come back
for year." The passengers reared.
Grabbing the children with>both hands,
she rushed to the door with an rIl-get-
even-with-him-for-thi expression on
her face. Heaven help him.-Batsimors
DGg.