The Portland daily press., 1882-02-13
brooklyn Eagle.l
A Dismal Druggist.

eyes," said Mr.. Theall dismally, as he push.
ed the gas jet around SO as to throw the flare OF
the red light on man who was waiting for q
Fulton street car. Eyes, sir, the drug business
would be good if it wasn't for the stringent
laws. Yon see, we can't sell postage stamp
without physician's prescription"
"Mnst be big expense to keep the shop
going, too" observed sympathetic Eagle
reporter, who had dropped in for a sup Of
vichy.
"Of course, it is," retorted Mr.. Theall pull
ing his hair over his eyes, "and the custom is
SO unsatisfactory Here, boy rushed in and
wants FIVE cents worth of pills to move his
mother. How do know where she wants to
go? Can't get any information out of the boy.
So 1 go to work and make pill that would
lift bank cashier ont of his difficulties, and
then find out that the boy hasn't got any mon
ey There's nearly a seventh of a cents worth
of material in that pill, and loose four and
six-seventh cents proilt-of course, I don't
care anything about the material. It's the
profit miss"
"I wouldn't let him have it without the
money" suggested the reporter.
"Ohl l don't any more. save all those things
now for Charley Miles when he has inhamma-
tory rheumatism. Got to work 'em off or
somebody. A druggist must live. And then
there's the confinement. I've got to be here
some of the time. I've got good clerk. he
knows his business, but if I'm not aronnd here
part of the day, there's no money in the till to
pay him off with. Business seems TO drop down
Just as soon as leave, and it doesn't spring
up till come back, OF course, understand
that it is all owing to my popularity, but take
no pride In it. What ] need is rest"
81 should think you'd do good business in
candy, - recommended the reporter.
"Only indirectly" replied Mr.. Theall, with
a lugubrious air. "These Jars were filled only
year and half ago we sell them cneap,
because we expect the patient back as soon as
they are eaten. Especially children. The
candy makes em sick and they must be brought
around. During the holidays we did a. land
office business in candy and calomel, but IL
dropped off after the first of January. Then
there's mineral waters. You can't tell when
the Ridgwood reservoir is going to run dry. I've
got nearly seven pounds of marble dust on
hand, and as soon as there is q waterffamine
the authorities will shut me oil, and the dust
is dead loss A man in this business never
can tell where he stands"
"Don't you do something in patent medi-
| cines?" queried the reporter.
"What if we do?" retorted Mr.. Theall, In
| voice that SOUNDED Ilko tue SlAuAhius VI
hearse door, "We never catch the same custo-
mer a second time. 1 don't say that patent
medicine amt good [ only claim that no man
wants two bottles. Then there's toilet articles.
We do pretty we'll on shaving brushes, becanse
the bristles come out as soon as they are wet
and man thinks he's got terrible beard,
when he's really only scraping off the brnsh
hairs. The fact is there's no money In the
drug business now, except in ratfies,"
"What do you mean by rattesY asked the
reporter somewhat surprised.
i'Why, suppose / lay in stock OF oreide
| combs and rabbit hair brushes. | put em in
syringe box and mark 'em ten dollars. In comes
| keenan, or Mugge or Herman and show the
| goods That starts rattle. Forty chances at
a dollar a chance, all taken and that encourages
| me to throw fair Say Herman wins set; he
| blows about it, people come, the price OF pills
| advances, seidlitz powders go from cent 10
| cent and seven-eights higher, and the poor
| druggist scratches along"
'Do you keep open all night?" asked the re-
| porter.
"Not now. tried it, aud only had four GUS
| toners in three nights. The first wanted an
| oyster stew, the second wanted bed, the thiri
| wanted to know what time it was and the
| fourth wanted credit. So l gave it up. The
| scheme cost me fourteen dollars for printing,
| and took in gas bill and some suggestions
| about the rent
"How much do owe you for the ,vichy?"
| asked the reporter. II had one glass.
"Well call it q dollar and aquarter, replied
| Mr. Theall in an empty barrel tone. Il trusted
| a newspaper man for bottle of schnapps this
week, and I've throw in my society and con-
yersation That let's me out abont square,
and really puts you winners on the deal"
1.-THE reporter paid it and went home more
eontented with his own lot IN life than he had
been since the preceding pay day.