Huntsville gazette., 1882-08-12
Boxing a Sewing Machine.


"Say, my dear, )" observed Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, Strengthening up and scratching
his ear, 'swhat did the man say about
boxing UP this sewing machine?'
Why, he said take the cover on
and
"Iye got the cover off," snorted Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Did he say to take it
off twicep Amt once binding on this
machine?"
"Certainly," replied Mrs. Spoopeni..
dyke: sthen you take the top Off and.
ssDid that man say anything aooug
boxing up this machine? That's what l
asked you," vociferated Mr.. Spoopen--
dyke. 81 know all about the cover and
top. You can't teach me anything
about the top and cover. l want some
information about this dod-gasted bird
cage-looking arrangement! Did he say
whether was to take that off OF any
thingP"
"The machine goes in that" hut-
tered Mrs. Spoopendyke. Sand then
this slat cover nails over it,"
"Now, that's the way like to hear
woman talk, remarked Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, betaking himself cheerily to his
work. ssIf you'd always answer straight
up, we'd have been moved week ago" J"
6 But you must screw the top on the
bottom of the top, and tie the cover un-
derneath,' said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
who, having been complimented on
detail, determined, woman like, to know
all about it.
ssWhat stable have you been boarding
in now p" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, drop
ping the hammer on his foot. "What
ASYLUM for INDECENT jackasses did you
get that scriptural quotation from?
How'm [ going to screw the measly top
on the dod-gasted bottom of itselfp
Where's the screw that does that? just
jerk your thumb in the direction OF the
interconvertible screw that will screw
thing on in that way!"
"Why, you just turn the top over on
the bottom, the man said, and screw it
TO the top; that"
"Come overt" yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, tugging at the works from which
he had neglected to take the thumb
screw. "Come over the way the man
said for you to! Hear mep Come over!
There can't any dod-gasted piece of
seventy-dollar ingenuity get the best OF
the manufacturer when Spoopendyke's
within reach! Come over and screw
on the bottom, like the man said! Com
ing overp" and Mr.. Spoopendyke' g
hands slipped, landing him on the back
of his neck in the crate his wife had pur-
chased to box the machine in.
"Never mind, DEAR" said Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, trembling with apprehension
for the safety of the machine. "Let the
man come and do it himself, if he knows
so much about"
"Dod -gast the mani" howled Mr..
Spoopendyke, springing to his feet and
moving on the works once more.
"Think he can break this measly old
cast-iron imitation of an inebriate home
any aucker'n I CAM" and he grasped
the top of the instrument and hauled
away till his eyes hung out. "Come
over to the dulcet bottom and be screwed
on. Oh, come where the glory of being
screwed to the bottom of the top awaits
thee. Come over and see this miracle
of plastering the top and bottom of the
same thing together as performed by
Spoopendyke, the apostle of impossible
tiles! Come to the dod-!" But here
the thumb-screw broke, driving Mr..
Spoopendyke into the closet like spike,
where he sat beholding the mutilated top
In his arms and looking dazed.
care you hurt, dear?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke. rushing toward him.
"Hurt," shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke.
''Am [ hurt! Dye see that thumb
Joint hanging to that measly screw?
Wow-w-w!" squeaied Mr.. Spoopendyke,
dancing to his feet, and dashing the
machinery into the crate "Get in
there, quick!" and he tumbled the rest
of the business in after, where it struck
corner-wise in spite of his effort 10 driv e
it in with his leg. SIS this what the
man saidP" and he jumped at it with
both feet. "Bottom appear to be COM
ing any nearer to the top from where
you stand?" and he whirled the crate
around and then kicked at the corner of
the machine. "Does that screw strike
you as beginning to take holdp Got a
notion that this machinery can be
moved from here to Hackensack without
scratching any paint off the farmhouses
along the road?'' and concentrating
himself in one last effort, Mr.. Spoop-
endyke turned the crate over on the
machine and breathed hard.
AVu 'O SechO oiiete opiCHNtotys OOCCu
Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to restore
peace between Mr.. Spoopendyke and
the wreck of her sewing machine. at
isn't exactly the way the man said, but
| know
''Oh, You know all about It'll" howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. sIf 1 could build a
front door and a veranda to your IN
formation, I'd stand you in tub OF
salt water and start a summer resort
Oh, you're posted on what to do! You
understand mechanics! Some day I'll
fit you out with price-lis and strike
and start rolling -mill!" and Mr.
Spoopendyke went for his hat and tore
out of the room.
ats pretty well scratched, but other
wise it is all right" commented Mrs
Spoopendyke, examining the wreck
''And I'll get the man to box it"
A pniSnnnA Thro06