The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-04-28
WHY WE LAUGH.

A landlord expects two per cent. more
rent where the street Is called an avenue
Courier Journal.
Ansonia Congregationalsts have hash sup
pers. This Is making the church home,
indeed.-DGnbiUy Meas.
al love the summer" as the boarding
scheol girl said when she eloped with her
arithmetic eaeher.-Marathon Independent.
1t is reported that Sarah Bernhardt has
married Greek. 1t Is the first tendency
toward grease which Sarah has ever shown.
--LotceH Courier.
Two drinks a day, remarks an exchange,
will supply family with flour. This, OF
course, refers to the saloonkeeper's family
Syracuse Herald.
"Never serd present hoping for one IN
return" Never. Get your present first,
always, and send yours when you have time.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Full many an ache of soreness deep and
keen, the wakings of nights carousal bear;
full many a man, who with "t the boys +" hath
been, feels in the morn his wifa's bands In
his hair.
The first train over an Iowa railroad
bridge smashed it in. This shows the folly
of trying to put bridges together with flour
paste. They should be gummed with BAN
doline.-Pht. Chronicle-Herdld.
"The Lord sends meat and the devil sends
cooks;" but when woman's "help" lights
out in the middle of the season she wishes
the old gentleman in black would send 'em
along a little faster.-Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
4 little boy asks mamma the following
question, to which all mammals answers are
not yet recorded: Mamma, if bear should
swallow me | would die, wouldn't I?" "Yes,
dear" "And would go to heaven?" d" Yes,
dear" "And would the bear have to go,
too ?"-Detr0u Free Press.
Editor Siftings, Austin, TeraS-DEARSIR:
Will you please inform couple of young
fellows which it is better to do-marry and
settle down or stay single and settle up?
Yours truly, d. NJ. d.
Birmingham, Ala. S. F.S.
We think you should do both. Stay single
unit! you settle up, and then marry and set
tie down.-SVtings.
A prejudiced opinion about temperance :
"l'se bin drunk drunk ez er billed owl,
but Use nebber seed de time wen sum feller
drunker dan me didn't talk temp'ance. Hit
seems to me dat de mo- temp'ance what yer
gifts de mo- licker what yer needs. If dey'l
jess invent somefin fer to take de red outen
er mans eye ebery mornin', den dey'l do
somefin fer de temp'ance cause."-Oid 81.
"Down with the encore!" is the new cry
raised in the dramatic papers. And we COR
daily agree. When singer comes out and
lets her voice rattle around in all the regis
ters, with staccato and pictare effects, ending
with a grand transcendentai whoop, catching
on to a note written on the top margin of
the music, We say, give her rest; for the
sake of the audience, give her rest-Ne,g
Haren Register.
A Washington girl, Gertrude Nelson, won
a prize of S. by writing the best letter ac-
cepting an offer of marriage. That Is all
right, Gertrude, but we tell you and any other
girl, that when a man Is afraid to come to
the house aud ask for you right to your face,
but sneaks off behind the postofiice and asks
fer you at long range with three-cent dec
laration of his love, the best answer you can
make him is "No," in five line pica.--Bar-
HHgtOn Hdrkeye.
Literary research: A conversation arose
between two newspaper men the other day
i'm the presence of Mr.. John Stetson as TO
the lines commencing The mills of the
gods grind slow" "They are Pope's,n said
one. "No; Pope never wrote anything of
the soTL, ulaihtdlHtu tHe ObHeT. IL ii Ictt
you how to settle it," said Mr.. Stetson. ~
know Pope well-he's in St. Louis. Tele-
graph him and ask if he wrote it. I'll pay
the rge."-Dramotic News.
Independence: "Uncle ST, how is yer
gwine ter vote at dis 'leckshun?" 81 vote
wild my mouf shet and dode job airly-dat's
my hand allus." "But witch ticket 'ud yer
vote-Dimocrat, Publican, or Ind'pendint?"
~ wouldn't vote nary wun--Ise er scratcher
from er county whar de seben-year itch ar
pollitikly eperdemic--an' votes fer men an
not fer de labil what's put on de ticket!
nebber goes ter sea in er bote jess 'kase it's
got er gilt fgger-head!" "Den you dent
believe in stickin' ter de nominashuns? "
Vas, does-but rs gin'urlly de man what
makes de nominashuns on my tickit, an de
sooner dat every homes man forms hissef in
holler squar', calls hissef to order, an
nominates his own tichit unanimously, de
sooner dar'll be reform in politics and hon
esty in de gubment !"--Jdcks0nriIte Times