The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-09-01
HUMOR.

HUMOR.
From the German glass OF BEER
Puck.
An honest man is the noblest pursuit
Of woman.
ENaLIsHMKN begin with ale and then
they get stout.
SrovEs are supposed to be somewhat
modern invention, but the Egyptians
were warmed by Alexander the CRATE b.
@. 800.
A WASHINGTON clerk who had keg
of specie drop on his fingers is one of
the few people who ever had too much
cash on hand.
A MAN having fallen down in fit in
tailor's shop, an envious rival said
"That's the only fit ever seen IN that
establishment.
81 GO through my work" as the
needle said to the idle boy. But not
till you are hard pushed" as the idle boy
said to the needle.
SOME marry for love, and some for money,
And some-the Lord knows why
Some find the land Of milk and honey
Some nothing but dried apple pie.
"THE truth always pays in the end"
is time-honored adage. 1t is supposed
that that is the reason people are often
so chary about resorting to it In the
beginning.
PAT says he was born on the last day
of the year, and congratulates himself
that he vas born at all : "For If it had
been the next day, what would nave be-
come of me?"
SAID a little daughter, "Oh, mamma,
1 do love Sunday so much. I" am
glad you do, my darling; but why do
you love the Sabbath 30 much ?" ooh,
because we have fss-balls for breakfast.
A GERMAN paper calls the toy pistol
"the nursing bottle of incipient Gui-
teaus." Then keep it going, for it
nurses 'em into being little angels in
mighty brief space of time.-Boston
Post
A DEALER advertises in an anglers pa
per Flies, reels, rods, tobacco, whis-
ky, and all other requirements for an
glers." If the fisherman has full sup
ply of tobacco and whisky he might dis
pense with rods and reels. Fish have
such queer astes.-NorristO,cn Herald.
A TELEGRAPH head in one of our ex-
changes reads "a Circus Man Killed
and Injured" It may be that circus
man has no rights that newspaper is
bound to respect, but when he is killed
and then injured, it looks like taking an
unfair advantage of dead man.-B0Om-
erang.
A MAN may be right in the bosom OF
his family, sitting down to big meal,
knowing that he is rich and all right in
every way yet will the sight of a tele-
graph messenger make him as nervous
MS well fed dog is made when he sees a
boy pick up stone and throw 1t In the
opposite direction.-PW,ch.
LAD who he'd been bathing was in
the act of dressing himself, when one OF
his shoes rolled down the rock and disap-
peared in the water. In attempting to
rescueit he lost the other one also where
upon, contemplating his feet with the
most melancholy expression, he apostro-
pLized, "Well, you're nice pair Of
orphans, amt you?"
UNSATISFACTORY arithmetic Parson
-" wish to complain, Mrs. Diggins,
OF the conduct of your daughter at the
Sunday school to-day it was rude to
the extreme" Mrs. D.-"Ah |! it's what
they taches her at that theer board
school as dun it; yesterday she came
home and she says: Mother, they are
attaching of me vulgar fraxions.' What
can you expex after that, sir ?"-LondOn
Fun.
"WHAT sort of a man is the new
preacher ?" inquired a young lady of the
sexton of Western village church.
81 don't think he has had classical
education, MISS" said the man. "What
do you mean, sir ?" "Well, miss, /
don't want to speak ill of the dominic,
but, if I've got to clean this church, I'm
not going to scrape off ally more guilds
of tobacco from underneath the pulpit
sofa" The next pair of slippers that
minister received consisted of two spit
toons Commercial Adve,tiser.
ELLA WHEELER wants to know if we
are going "where the summer shadows
dance" No, love, we are not We are
going to sit in the skyhght of the Com
mercial building and howl for paste, and
claw the exchange fend, and pray for
the man who stole the scissors, and
swear that the deaf editor wrote that OBJ
noxious paragraph. That's our vocation
! Perhaps some other people VIII change
their shirts and go, but il the "summer
1 shadows have any business with us
with us personally--th they want to come
right round to the Office, Ella, and sit
beside us for awhile when the foreman
announces that the column is short.-
Neec York Commercial Advertiser.
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