davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
Mem York GnsSin.

The New York correspondent of the
Washington Star writes:
"The Gould family is looming up in
the theatrical line. One would natural
ly think that Jay Gould knew nothing
of such things, but he is said to have
made the discovery on prowling thro'
the Grand Opera-House that there was
no green-room. A theatre, he said,
without a green-room, was no theatre.
His son, George Gould, is going to su-
perintend alterations in the Grand Ope-
ra-House, and it has been rumored that
he will be associated with Mr.. Abbey in
the management of the house. Mr..
Abbey denies this.
young Gould is becoming quite q
man about town, and may be seen at
boxing-matches and similar places of
amusement. His tastes are so strong
in that direction that he is under in
structions Of a professional pugilist,
Billy Madden. Sullivan's trainer, in the
manly art of self-defense. This may
not be altogether a matter OF taste, as
his fathers misfortunes may have sug-
gested it as g. wise precaution.
"This expert is said to do double duty.
Besides instructing young Gould in his
art, he shadows Jay Gould himself, and
the man who would attempt to waylay
the railroad magnate would fall into
horny hands. This nervousness on the
part of Mr.. Gould dates from the time
Maj. Selover avenged himself by pick
ing him up and throwing nim over the
railing in front of barber shop. He
has not yet recovered from the fright,
although he and Mr.. Selover were
friends again within a year.
"By special invitation of Mr.. Harry
Hill, witnessed scientific set-to be-
tween two young ladies. The little
theatre was crowded by sporting men,
fast actresses, men about town, and
others drawn together to see two young
women fight with gloves. The gloves,
by the way, are not nice, soft gloves,
but villainously hard and cruel, and
made to hurt. When the two women
stepped forward, Mr.. Hill exhibited the
trophies TO be hattled fora silver cup
and medal-and then yelled Time
They were dressed in silk tights, and
were muscular and comely. Boston
Carrie, the taller of the two, made q
great show of her knowledge of the sci
ence of boxing, until her little New
York antagonist got under her guard
and delivered such a stunning blow on
the nose that she was knocked over
backwards. Carrie countered on the
other ones lips, and they came to the
second round with flushed and bloody
faces. To describe the rest of the match
would b disgusting. 1t was brutal in
the extreme, and | must say that it is
a crying shame that such thing should
occur in a Christian country. | Noticed
one thing: when the girls were pretty
well beaten UP, the men spectators
yelled to the seconds to pull them apart;
but the women who looked on urged
them to Fight it out" J."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
Street Car Invention.

a new feature in connection with
street car service has been introduced
IN Plttsburg. Along each side of the
car, about rs high as the back of ones
head while sitting, runs light tube of
brass, nickel plated, with a glass side
turned Outwards so that anything placed
inside of it is IN view of everybody in
the car. At convenient intervals, about
eighteen inches apart, are little open
ings, just large enough to admit coin
or ticket, with a legible injunction to
Pay Here over them, so that all you
have to do is to drop your fare into the
hole and then watch it roll down the
tube, which slopes towards the front of
the car, into losked fare box by the
side of the driver. There is no chance
for passing off brass huttons, pennies
and other frauds upon the company, if
anybody is small enough to attempt it,
as the coin is visible through the glass
side of the cOnveyer, as the tube is
called. the whole length of the car, and
of course the fare box has transpa-
rent window through which the driver
can see everything that is put in. But
1t may be objected that q square ticket
won't roll. Very true, but the inventor
has thought of that, too. Along the
bottom of the conveyor, out of sight,
passes an endless belt over a series of
rollers, operated by a crank in the
hand of the driver. All he has to do is
to turn q little handle and the ticket
walks down to him and silently re-
quests to be inspected ere it drops into
the box below. If it is desired to save
the driver the trouble of working the
belt, the attachment can be connected
with the running gear of the car and
worked automatically. 1t should be
stated that the conveyer passes through
each end of the car, so that passengers
riding on either front or back platforms
can deposit fare without going inside.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
A SubdO0rkeeper's Mistake.

The scene during the passage of the
Chinese bill Thursday was full of dra-
matte interest, and many Senators and
a large gallery audience were in to wit
ness it. Californians in the gallery
clapped their hands and shouted,
Thank God, California is savedw Dur
ing the afternoon two of the subdoor-
keepers made a mistake that was
worthy of the days of Democratic sup
remacy in the House. A large, gentle
manly muiatto came up to one of the
doors, and was about to pass uncon-
cernedly in upon the floor cf the House
when they stopped him peremptorily.
81 am the Register of the Treasury"
he said quietly. Either not crediting
him, or possibly, in their simplicity
supposing that the Register was man
who tended the heat registers, they
said with decision. "Cant help it. We
can't pass any Treasury Register in at
this door" II am an ex-United States
Senator, and my name is Bruce" again
rejoiced the applicant. That door flew
open in twinkling.-Emna James i1,
the Philadelphia Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
HEATED 1ERsa POETRY.

Oh for a lodge in a garden of cucumbers
Oh for an iceberg or two TO control.
Oh for vale that at midday the dew cumbersi
Oh for pleasure trip up to the pole!
Oh for q little one-stOry thermometer
With nothing but zero5 all ranged in a row
Oh for big double barreled hydrometer,
To measure this moisture that falls from my
brow.
Oh that this cold world were twenty times colder
(That's irony red-het it seemeth to me3
Oh for turn of its dreadful cold shoulder
Oh what comfort an ague would be.
Oh for motto to typify heaven,
Scooped in a rock under cataract vast
Oh for winter of discomfort even
Oh for a wet blanket judiciously cast
Oh for soda fountain spOuting up boldly
From every hot lamp-post against the hot sky
Oh for proud maiden to look on me oOldly,
Freezing my soul with the glance of her eye.
Oh for draught of cup of g cold pizen!"
Oh for a resting place in the cold grave
Oh for a bath in the styx, where the thick shadow
lies on
And deepens the chill of its dark, running wave.
Detroit Free Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

cup of sweet butter and three cups of
sugar until they are light and creamy.
Add the yolks of two eggs and one cup
of milk. Flavor with almond or ganil-
Ia. Then add the whites of five eggs
which have been whisked until they
stand alone. Stir all very lightly and
add four scant cups of flour sifted with
two teaspoonfuls Of baking powder.
Bake in moderate oven.
CooKIEs.-Sift one pound and half
of flour and rub through it with the
hands half a pound of hutter. Add
half pound of sugar, a pinch of salt,
one ounce of caraway seeds,or if these
are not liked, some spice, and mix all
into dough with half pint of boiling
milk. Roll out thin, cut into round
cakes, and bake in quick oven.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
Utah Welded Bliss.

1t was a soft and balmy night in
spring, the burning sunset was hang
ing its golden tapestries across the mel
low west, and the electric light was just
beginning 70 tiz and spit along the main
streets when Elder Snoozer was sitting
in the elegant boudoir of Widow Smith,
whose rich brown eyes and desirable
real estate penetrated the bachelors in
most thoughts. "Can you Sarah" he
said, throwing his enormous hand up
on her shoulder, on the further side,
"come to my home in the Second ward,
where [ will be your slave?"
"Will that squint-eyed first wife of
yours be made to stand around when I
Gomez"
"When your dulcet voice sounds
through the ancestral halls Hannah
will get to the coal-bin. She will have
about five hours of sleep a day and
work for you the balance of the time" :"
Inside of the week they passed
through the Endowment house. where
Elder Wells made them one. Old
Snoozer took in a fine piece ofreal es-
tate with q good-looking woman, and
was happy. Two years passed, and the
once beautiful Sarah, bending over the
washtub and lamming the endowment
robes of the third wife viciously against
a tree until the suds falling over the
tender flowers gave them new life in
the not July sun, is the sort of picture
the passing bullwhacker contemplates.
Chow do you like the new deal?"
asks the first wife, who is chopping
wood hard by. And the language of
wife No. is not fit to print in family
newspaper.-SaE Lake Tribune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

THE Mr.. Kelley, of Philadelphia.
whose mysterious motor has been an
object of interest to scientific and me-
chanieaI genius for several years, has
been ordered by the courts to divulge
to the stockholders of his concern the
secret by which ne can extract from a
drop of water force enough to lift a
ton. Mr.. Keeley told the court that
he would not obey its order, whereup-
on the court was indignant, and will
punish Mr.. Kelley for contempt. 1t is
claimed that nearly hundred thous-
and dollars have been wasted by Keeley
in his experiments, and the people
who have been furnishing the money
think they have been humbugged long
enough
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

situation. She had heard the story OF
his financial troubles, probably in some
distorted form, and the knowledge had
almost crazed her. He blamed him.
self severely for keeping her in ignor.
ance of the truth. He always had q
repugnance to womaniy interference
in business matters, but felt, in Justice
to his wife's general worthiness, he
should have trusted her in this emer.
gency.
"hush, Alice !" for she was begin.
ming to sob Historically, "you must not
he alarmed. If I can raise the money
to pay off note that falls due to-mor-
NOW I may weather the panic yet"
"How muck will you need ?"
Her little face was uphfted eagerly.
-Four thousand dollars !"
''Is that all ?" with little hysterical
laugh. Then you won't fail; for l
have five thousand all my own, saved
out of the money you gave me to spend
on the house and myself All, Mark,
you thought l spent it all.
"Alice !" Mark took the little shiv-
ering form in his arms. "You are
worth your weight in gold ~
81 know it, slyly retorted Alice; ''but
it has taken you FIVE years to find it out.
And, Mark, if you cannot cancel the rest
of your debts we will sell the house and
live in a room or two until the panic is
yer, for you shall not fail"
Marx sent for a carriage, and they
went home through the white, nois elsss
streets, Alice recounting as she went the
story she had heard in Mrs. Austin's
perfumed library. At the conclusion
she said:
'It was cruel of you to keep me so
long in the dark, Mark. And never treat
me like fool or child again, for if am
a soap chambers daughter l have sense
and feeling and judgement enough to
save something for rainy days"
1t needless to say that Mark redeem
ed his note, to the chagrin of some of his
business rivals, who had secretly gloat-
ed over his difficulties; and although
his affection for his wife was never
demonstrative, the care he took of her
was wonderful, for he has found that
the price of a good wife is above rubies.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

THE public debt statement for March
shows reduction of the interest bear
ing debt for that month of $40, ,462, GAG
and reduction since the first of July
last of $114, ,382, ,3s9. The total interest
bearing debt is now $1,514,752,7OO
The Treasury officials say that the cur
rent fiscal year will be the most notable
in the history of the country, SO far as
the reduction of the debt is concerned
Already $119,OOO,OOO of bonds have
been redeemed and destroyed, and be
fore the end of the year it is believed
the amount will reach nearly $3.50,
600 900,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
The Age ofDiscoyery.

The real benefactor is the one who alleviates
the greatest amount of human suffering. Very
few are free from the contaminating influences OF
impure blood. Gross poisons rankle in the veins
of all classes, impairing the physical and mental
powers. Some poisons are transmitted by hered-
,arg descent od oFgnatg nd dn IN the stomach by
stances the blood becomes vitiated by coming in
contact with an impure atmosphere in
the lungs, through the pores, by lack of proper
cleanliness Of the person and other causes.
]. ?. Allen, prominent druggist and manu-
fa:turer of proprietary medicines, st. Paul Mimi,
has prepared an Iron Tonic Bitters" that has
become more popular for Its age than any blood
remedy extant. This medicine cannot be too
highly recommended. 1t has already reached
wide circulation, and the demand is rapidly in
creasiEg. For dyspepsia, liver complaint and
general debility, Aliens 'Iron Tonic Bitters" are
without a rival. They powerful tonic and
act upon the system like magic. We can say
nothing that viii equal the universal favor with
which they are receiyed.-Onsoha Herald, Sept.
g. 1880.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

THE friends in this country of DR..
Lamson, who has been convicted of
poisoning his nephew at a school IN
England, persuaded President Arthur
to ask respite for him until they
could lay before the Home Secretary
evidence to show that he is insane, and
the request has been granted. The
case seems to be clear one, both as
to his guilt and as TO his insanity, but
the question now arises whether DIR
Lamson's friends, who claim TO have
known he was insane all along, and
have still permitted him to practice
medicine, are not responsible for the
wrong he has done.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

Mr.. II. F. Winton, of Aurora, Ind, writes: Il
had got tired of taking medicine to purify my
blood and correct my liver and bowels / seemed
to be getting worse and worse. A taint of in
herited scrofula the cause of ali my illness
and distress. Boils and sores were continually
breaking out in different parts of my body. A
small scratch would make big sore. l was also
very weak; the least exertion caused me the
greatest fatigue. / commenced takisg DIR. Guy
sott's Yellow Dock and Sarsaparilla, on account
& being strongly persuaded bv friend TO do
Its effect has far exceeded my expectations My
skin is smooth, my bowels are regular and my
strength greatly increased. L could not have
wished for more"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

THE location of public lands in the
northwest by settlers this spring is be-
yond all precedent. Large colonies
are going from the eastern states to
Minnesota, Nebraska and Dakota to
grow up with the country. The prob
ability that Dakota will J admitted to
the Union as state has drawn great
many people to that territory to buy
town lots and farms. The acreage un-
der cultivation in Dakota this year will,
it is estimated, be fully double that of
laat.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

THE department of agriculture at
Washington sends word that the
amount of grain in the country at
present is 40 per cent. less than last
year at this time; but that 26 per cent.
of the corn crop and 19 per cent. of
the wheat crop are still on hand. The
department has reports fron the south
to show that the cotton prospects are
not so much damaged by the foods as
generally supposed.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
NO. Is.
VALUABLE INFORMATION

As an appetizer, as bowel and liver regulator.
as pleasant and sure cure for dyspepsia, indi-
gestiOn, sour stomach, heartburn belching of food
after eating, headache, blood impurities, etc.
there can not be found in all the vegetable king
dom better tonic properties than are contained in
the ingredients used in the composition of that
Queen of all vegetable remedies known as Dr.
Guysott's Yellow Dock and Sarsaparilla "a prep
aratiOn of Yellow Dock, Sarsaparilla, juniper,
Iron, Buchu. Celery, Calisaya bark, etc. Where
great weakness of the vital functions predomi-
mates, it quickly invigorates and strengthens the
affected parts. Many attribute the saving Of
their lives to its healing and strengthening vir-
tues
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

A LARGE invoice of monkeys reached
New York last week. These Darwinian
fellow citizens were said to be very sick
during the entire passage, and howled
and cried and coughed like a lot of
children. Among the number are two
sacred monkeys" worshiped by GER
tain African tribes. They are disting
uished from the otkers by their coats
of long, soft, white hair. Monkeys
perish rapidly in this climate from
lung disease.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

Maz. MAoKEY is reported as being
very indignant at the reports of her
daughters engagement to a prince OF
;he decaying Bourbon line, and de-
,,lares with the true American spirit
thst if rsigning monarch should pro-
pose to her daughter be would be re-
fused. She complains that she is be-
sieged by fortune-hunters. "if this
goes on | shall have to put notice on
the door," said the wrathful little lady,
announcing that, in conformity with
American costums, Miss Mackey will
not have any marriage portion" Good
Tor Mrs. Mackey. If her daughter is
nice girl there are plenty of reigning
menarchs in the United States who
would marry her, portion Or no por-
ton, and be proud of nnother-in-law
with genuine American epunk.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
CORNELIUS ]. VANpERBnr, one of tn

CORNELIUS ]. VANDERBILT, one of the
sons of the late commodore, shot him
self at the Glenham hotel, in New York,
and died within four hours. 1t appears
that he has suffered for years from
epileptic fits, and been constantly at
tended by companion. He had visit
ed Hot Springs without benefit, and but
recently returned from a sojourn IN
Florida. His financial affairs are said
by friends to have been entirely salts
factory to him. 1t will be remembered
that he contested the will of his father,
and received 81, 100000 or so from his
brother William to compromise the
matter. He was 81 years of age. The
funeral will be held at the Church OF
the Strangers, with services by Rev. DR..
Deems, and the remains will be inferred
at Hartford beside those of his wife.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
The Most Precious OF Gifts.

Health is undeniably more precious gift than
riches, honor or power. Who would exchange it
for these, the chief objects of human ambition !!
1t is obviously the part of wisdom to employ
means for the preservation of health and the pro
longation of life which time and experience have
proved to be reliable. Many of the dangers by
which health is threatened may be nulllfed by
the use of that most irresistible of correctves and
tonics. Hostetter's Stomach Bitters which, by in
creasing vital power and rendering the ply sical
functions regular and active, keeps the system in
good working order and protects it against dis
ease. For constipation, dyspepsia, liver com
plant, nervousness, kidney and rheumatic all
ments it is invaluable, and it affords sure de-
fence against malarial fevers, besides removing
every trace of such disease from the system. Half
q wineglassful taken before meals improves the
appetite and insures complete digestion and as
similatiOn
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
VOL XIV.

THE death of Stephen A. Hurlbut, of
Belvidere, H., late United States min
ister to Peru, of heart disease, at Lima,
occurred March 26th, and is officially
confirmed.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

BAREFOOT APPLE PIE.-Fill a deep
pie-plate with thin slices of ripe, juicy
apples. Sprinkle half cup of sugar
over them; add some Jumps of butter,
half a cup of water, and, if liked, a dust
of cinnamon. Cover all with pie-crust,
and make hole n the centre for the
steam to escape. Bake slowly until
the apples are done, and serve warm.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

Market reports state that cowhides
are fuctuating. We can vouch for
this, a pair fuctuated young man
down the front steps of a house on
Four-and-a-half street last night. Her
pas feet were inside them.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

The character of the Central Arneri-
can earthquake region is told by the
name given to it by the aboriginal Iu-
dians: Cuscatlan-"the land that swings
like a hammock"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

Bonamy Price, in an English maya
zine, asks: what is Money ?" Bonamy
is evidently publishing an eight-page
daily naner in a two page town.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
Dangers of busting

Do not dust, but wipe!
Who would believe it? The duster
that peaceful emblem of domestic
toil-may, under certain circumstances,
become more dangerous to handle than
a six-shoeter?
We are in dead earnest. An eminent
scientist declares 1t to be a fact
Doyou know just what you are doing
when you brush away dust? You dis
seminate it in the air, and consequently
introduce into your own interior. into
your tissues and respiratory organs, all
sorts of eggs, spores, epidemic germs,
and murderous vibiones which dust
contains.
One movement with a feather-duster
may be enough to poison both you and
your neighbors-to inoculate you all
with typhus, varioloid, or cholera
strange as it may appear.
Instead of feather duster, take a
cloth; wipe away the dust instead of
stirring it up.
In short, wipe-never dust-La Vol.
t1ire
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

An encouraging sign of the times is
found in the failure of two New York
pawnbrokers. When pawnbrokers fail
the people must be prosperous.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

Somebody threw red light on the
falls at Niagara the other hight and
folks thought the cataract was blushing
at the way the hackmen round there
charge folks.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13

Dr. Pierce's " Pellets little liver pills Sugar
coatedl-purify the blood. speedily correct all dis
orders of the liver, stomach, and bowels. By
druggists.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-04-13
REAETTFsrI1 WOMEN

are made pallid and unattractive by functional
irregularities which DIR. Pierce's - Favorite Pre-
scription will infallbly cure. Thousands Of
testimonials. By druggists