New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1882-12-23
ADDRESS OF THE REV. DIR. PAXTON.

For The Clergy" the Rev. Dr. John X. Paxton,
of the West Pre,by 'eran Church, the spokes-
man. The following is a report OF his address:
MR. President AND g NTLEMEV: There Is no help for
&C. alas now The PlSrim Puritan doth besride the
broad continent like another Colossusnnd we DutchEng-
lish Scotch Sc0tc-IIlsh anu irish walk about under
his hinge legs larghterl . we must bend our bodies
the pious Joseph of the land and to his shea all
shcaves must make obciSance. As he pipes unto
aud compes us highway and hedge people us I'M
fortunate Dutch and ScOtchIrsh TO come in aud shout
his triumphs and praise at his self glOrifcatiOn
meetings Laughter and applause. or course we all
know it's II clear case Of tho tail wagging the dog
Laughter But 1t is too late to go back to the
order of nature the truth of history The Puritan,
like another Old Man of the sea, astrde shoulders
Sinbad may Ianghtcfl why tho Puritan has i'm
posed his Thanksgiving and pumpkin pie upon South
Wing party on account his higher law and Abolition
ISM and ht TO ade T bS o Ihs bEaTe
that only tighrope performer could walk it. Laugh
teri Now, what with his Concord philosophers, trin-
scendentalis and every hcresy, he has made 1t so
mon IL and through the strait gate Contin-
ned laughter He cOmprls send to his
colleges for his nasal note He Is communicating his
dyspepsia to the whole country by means of Goldfish
balls and baked beans Laughter. He has encour-
aged The revolt OF women does thinking writes
our books insists his standard OF culture. defines oar
God and rs the grooming glory OF his audaclty has
imposed his sectional, fit and Distinguishing name
upon ALL and swcls with gratihed pride to bear all
the nations OF the earth speak OF all Americans
Yankees. Laughter and applause
| would enter protest. but what uscl We simply
grace his triumph and no images may be hung at this
feast the trophies OF the Puritan For all that mean
len Ntr Presi lent General Horace Porter on INV left
and l. did not come over IN The Halt Moon or the May
flower We stayed on In County Donegal, Ireland in
the lolns OF orerahers, content with potecn and
potatoes-a ughterl-stayed on until the Pilgrims had
Dat down the Indians the Baptist and the witches until
the Dutch had got all the furs this side Lake Erie
daughter and applause. BY the way what hands aud
the Indians it was fixed that II Dutchmans hand
weighed one pound and his foot two pounds in the
scales. But what puzzled the Indian that no
matter how big his pack OF furs the Dutchmans foot
its weight at the opposite end Of the scale.
lIaughter.l Enormous feet the first Nnn-or De-Or
Stuy-had. [COntinut4l laughter
But course of time, after the Pilgrims had come for
freedom, the Dutch for furS Penn for frOck, "a
Quaker cut and color llaughter we came we Scotch
Irish Presby teIans, for what Perhaps the King OPP
pressed the Presbyer or potatoes failed or the tax on
whiskey was doubled. Laughter and applause. Any
way came TO stay SOM OF us In -Engand some
In the valleys OF virginia some IN the mountains OF
North Carolina. Others in New-York but the greater
cond get from the Purtans and the Dutch-llaugnter-
settled the great Cumberland Valley, then crossing the
Allegheny Mountains, stakcd out their farms on the
banks OF the Monongahela River, up their stills
Ilaugher built their meeting houses, organized the
nongahe!a rye Is unsurpassed to this day Hong applause
and our unqualified orthodoxy even now turns tho
stomach OF modern Puritan and constrains Colonel
IngersOll not 10 pray, alas, but to swear. Loud
laughterl
Mr. President, hope General Porter will Join me in
claiming recognition for the Scotch Irish Presby-
trans from these OF the PuTans For do you not
know that your man Bancroft says That the first
public voice In America for dissolylng all connection
with Britain came not from the Purtans of New.
England. o
Virginia but from the Scotch Irish Presbyterians.
Applause Therefore, Mr.. President, be kind enough
10 accept from the greeting OF the the ScochIrsh of
Pennsylvania, native statethat prolific mother OF
Dig-ir0n and coal whose ayOrte and greatest
still Albert Galatin, OF Switzerland and Benjamin
Franklin OF Massachusetts. Laughter and applause.
The first son OF IL Forefather ever fell in with
nine months Connecticut man at Fredericksburg,
Virginia, I'm the spring or '62. Now, gueless
and generous lad OF nineteenall Pennsy
guelcss and generous aughterl. for mountains
rich in cOal valleys fat with SOIL that ly
ing easy aud therefore wits dull and
stu voting for Jacksrn. tGrea laughter. The reason
-he Yankees smart is because they have to 81
precarious subsistence from reluctant soil What
Shall do 10 make my sou get forward In the wOr,dF
asked IN English lord OF Bishop Il know OF only
way" replied the Bishop; give him poverty and
parts" Well that's the the OF the Pilgrims
have all GOT In the world. They all started with
poverty and had to exercise their wits nutmegs
they had parts" lean bodies, sterile soil but such
brains that they grew Webster. lApplause.l Well,
this Connecticut invited to HIS quarters. When
got back TO my regiment had q shabby overooat In
stead of one, had frying pan worth 20 cents,
that cost So and recipe for baked beans for which
had parted with my gold pen and pencil Continued
laughter I was sadder and wiser mar that night
for that encounter with the Connecticut Pilgrim.
TIKI PREACHERS OF NEw-ENGLAND.
But my allotted time Is rrnnDg awry. and preacher
like couldn't begin without an introduction. /
afraid in tls oase, the porch Will bs bigger than the
house. pqs psw 70 my toast, "rhe Clergy" Surely,
Mr. President and gentlemen, you OF the Pilgrims
appreciate the det you the Puritan divnes What
made your section great dominant glorious In the his