The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1882-11-25
sPoopENDYKE AS A FARMER.


"This," said Mr.. Spoopcndykc, as
he gazcd around on his new ac-
QUESTION of six acres, "this, my dear,
is what l have always wanted. A
farm and farmers life are the high.
ways to happiness, Mrs. Spoopon-
dyke, don't you think SOP"
ats perfectly lovely" rejoined
Mrs. Spoopcndyke. 81 was born ON
a farm, and l was always healthy,
though l had to go good ways for
water"
1'll fix that my DEAR" returned
Mr.. Spoopendyke. 'I'll bring the
water. Now where are my agricul-
tural reports? 1 must plant right off
if we are going to have crops, and
when they're ripe we'll take them to
market,
81 see the report. says yoa must
give your hen chopped turnip once
in a while," said Mrs. Spoopcndykc,
putting her thumb onthc paragraph.
"Eithcr that or cabbages," re.
turned her husband. ~ don't know
whether we'll have cabbages
enough" he continued musingly.
"You must have less buckwheat,"
suggested Mrs. Spoopcndyke. 81
would think, though that two acres
would be enough for one hen, and if
it isn't you can buy load now and
then from the ncighbors."
"l'll think that over" replied Mr..
Spoopendykc.
"Here's one thing ] don't under.
stand. 1t says we should test u few
seeds before planting, to make sure
they will terminate, but it don't say
how to do it."
"May be it means to boil them,"
suggested Mrs. Spoopcndyke, cor
perhaps you"
"Oh, perhaps you think it means
to crack 'em with an AK to see if
they are hard. | s'pose you've got
an idea you stick straws into'em to
see if thcy'er done. Well, you don't
you put acid OH 'em. I'll get some
acid and drop 'em in and if it dis.
colors 'em they're no good, and if it
don't they're all right. 1 think we
ought to have some weevil for the
pig"
81 don't know where you're going
to plant it," said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
sunless it will grow with buckwheat
or onions. You can't put it in with
the cabbage, because the pig and
hen would fight"
"Do you know what weevil is?"
demanded Mr.. Spoopcndykc, glaring
at his wife. SCOT notion it's
some kind of weed for the pig to
smoke, haven't you? Imagine it's
gilt-edged note paper with a mono-
gram for him to write on, don't you?
well, it isn't a swallow-tail coat or n
plug hat for him togo to church in,
neither! You don't plant weevil,
Mrs. Spoopendyke, any more than
you do soap, or clothes-pins, or
stair.rods. You buy it in barrels,
and I'll order some"
81 think we ought to have some
lace curtains for the front windows"
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke, an
xious to change the conversation.
"Yes, and we want a folding bed
stead for the COW, and we've got to
have new armchair for the pig,
and I'm afraid those cabbages won't
do without wet nurse!" squealcd
Mr.. Spoopendyke. 81 suppose I've
got to hire man to see that the
meadow don't 20 fishing on Sunday
and upset your religious notions.
Oh! you're a farmers wife, you are!
If had time to write an index to
you and get some dod gasted binder
to fix you up with Ay-leaf, you'd
make a whole agricultural reports
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot into
the house and to bed, while his wife,
having put all the oil lamps into
buckets of water 80 they couldn't
explode during the night, fell asleep,
dreaming that the cabbage patch
had eloped with the onions, while
the cow and pig had died of weevil,
and the windmill had abandoned
agricultural pursuits and started off
through Ohio preaching the Gospel.