Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-09-29
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persons afflicted Herewith, and has pro-
duced the s'loye parasitic" or bacillus mi
croccus. This he cultivated up to the
twentieth generation, and with the para
sites of that generation inoculated a
number of subjects. The incubation was
invariably successful, symptoms of the dis
ease appearing in a very short time after
the operation. A bachelor, aged fifty, on
the first day after incubation had his whis-
kers dyed. ordered suit of new clothes
and set of false teeth, bought top bug
gy, bottle of hair resterer, diamond
ring and guitar and began reading
Byron's poems.
The incubation produced symptoms of
the same nature in a young lady of forty
five. She spent SIS at drug store for cos
metics, bought a lot of new hair and a
croquet set, sang Empty is the Cradle,
sent out invitations for party and COM
planned that the Chico young men do not
60 into society.
An inoculated youth of seventeen, EN-.
ployed in country store, did up a gallon
of molasses in paper bag, and also, in a
fit Of absent mindedness, put the cat In the
butter tub and threw some fresh butter out
of the window. Finally he sat in bask-
ct of eggs while looking at the photograph
of a pretty girl and was discharged for his
carelessness. The Chico doctor is still ex-
perimenting and will soon lay the results
of his observations before the medical
world.
"a COL DARNED .'-Je
he'll Jasper strolled into the grocery store
and post-office of one of our back country
villages Saturday, and after standing
around with his back to the fire until be
was permeated with caloric, said:
"Well, guess I'll read the news and
get along towards home. Squire Perkins
paper come yet?" and he stepped behind
the post-office boxes. as was his custom, to
take it out and read it.
"Can't let you read it, Jehiel," said the
postmaster: government has issued ord
ers that any postmaster who allows non
subscriber to read subscribers papers will
lose his position
s'No! You don't tell me? Well, if that
amt good idea! It's put-up-job; a
gol darned conspiracy between these 'ere
newspapers and the gov'nment to keep the
people in ignorance. so that they can dom-
neer it over the community. And they
talk about this 'ere bein' free country.
It's drifting right into despotism just as
fast as it can. How in thunder's man
to know what's goin' on if he don't read:
an now the gov'nment g settin down on
all ideas of eddication an takln away that
privalege.'
''Oh, not so bad as that, Jehiel." said
the postmaster. 'The government doesn t
say anything against your subscribing for
the paper yourself. you know"
''Subscribin' for it! What dye take M
for? Dye suppose that I'm goin' to sub
scribe for paper I've read fourteen years
right here by the stove without costin' me
cent? No, sir; I amt goin' to help
'em to Cypress me by keepin' me in igno-
rance. No. street,
And having got supply of cheap plug
tobacco '.put On the slate" be ogged home
"a thoroughly oppressed citizen.
MAKING A PASSENGER "GIT. IA JUS
tice of the peace in the interior of Micbi-
gan had case before him some days ago
in which the defendant, who had been ar
rested as suspicious character, and plead
guilty to vagrancy, was sent to the De-
troit House of Correction for six months.
A constable took him in charge to deliver
him here, and as the man seemed rather
pleased at the idea of securing board and
lodgings for six months he was not hand
cuffed. AS the train was about ready to
20 the constable moved across the aisle to
talk politics with friend, and pretty soon
they were having it hot and heavy. When
the conductor came in for tickets he held
out his hand to the prisoner, and the latter
shook his head and replied:
II don't pay fare.''
''Aha! You don't Ell? Well, now, you
pay or git!'
81 won't pay p
"Then you'll git! When we slow up at
the crossing you jump off. If find you
OH the train after we pass there, I'll
give you a bounce that you won't for
get 70
In two minutes the train began to slow,
and the prisoner walked to the door and
picked soft spot and dropped off. When
the train had made another mile, the con-
ductor held out his hand to the constable
and received two tickets. "Who is the ex-
ira one for?" he said.
''For the prisoner over there"
"What prisoner?"
"Why. that fell"
Then there was raving and crashing of
teeth and hurrying up and down, but 1t
was no use.
''Sorry," said the conductor, as he passed
along, s'but when passenger says be went
pay fare on my train give him the drop
The only thing chat surprised me was to see
how willingly he obeyed orders. Detroit
Free Press.
An ignorant housemaid who had to call
gentleman to dinner, found him engaged
in using a tooth brush. well, is he COM
ing?" said the lady Of the house, when the
servant returned. "Yes, ma'am, directly,
he's sharpening his teeth"
A fashionable congregation in New
York did not know whether to be pleased
or not when the other Sunday its preach
er said, "And there will stand Satan with
Q gilt-edged sword"