The Elk Mountain pilot., 1882-02-09

the present day. Their total lack Of
rielles explains Why.
A M1sNnsorA farmer Who has Ave
grown-up daughters, has ssued the county
on claim that his residences has been
used as q courtroom" for the past two
years. TO-. ..5 ar
A HAppExr1zLD (Cape May) dgn
reads: els cicam salon cakes prsttzells
and canddy and cigars oisters and lodg-
ing and horses wsttersd constantly Oh
hand" ...,
Ir has been sid TINT poverty t-eads
upon the heels Of great and unexpected
riches; but then newspaper man never,
has corns Oh his heels, and he can
stand it. ,, .r. .... ~-i
PpopR1nroR-" II you boys don't
clear cut I'll cal that officer and have
you taken i'll. Boy-"Thats where
you'd be taken in; that polieemAn's my
dad, lie is"
The church is the pow rest place on
earth.-Stcu1enoiUe Hcr0td. And one
can tell how good the men are by the
number of hymns found there. Ciucin-
nata Gazette.
SOMEBODY wants to know Why we do
not go to Europe. Well, the fact is il
the rest of Europe resembles the part
that has come over here, we've seen
enough of it.-Burlington Hawkeye.
He talked love to her, .nd dove 10 her,
And triej 10 squerx. her hand, In .G.. a
" nil. she sat up ard 'y~s,et" aud "noed, !"
And yswhet lea,ad nci fam 4. -.-
tBacAuse So md Sat up tke night before.
Win lsl!ow sis had An !. ~fal fopdnsN fgr.)
-,tsubc~Vilie Herald.
The following advertisement appeared
lately in IN Irish newspaper: ''fhis is
to notify Patrick O'Flaherty, who lately
left his lodgings, If he does not return
soon and pay for tho same lie shall bs ad-
"WEnl, if I ever saw the like" re-.
marked Mr.. Whiskyskin, as he mopped
the perspiration from his brow. 81
don't see where oil tlIis water comes from
that oozes through my pores. l haven't
tasted the stuff tor ten years. "
What 2 pity that q big heart is 80
often compelled to keep company with a
small income IN Y Netos. Rather,
what pity that big income is So often
compelled to keep company with small
heart. t'l'
"Do not know commas when you SEQ
them?' said the village school teacher
to the ook-keeper of O banking house,
whose education had been neglected.
"What are these &, :, y on Your gro
GERS bill?" Beers" said he. ...'..
PoLIcE court scene-Judge to an un-.
prepossessing tramp: "What are your
means Of liying?" 81 am An inventor"
"Ah, indeed And what have you in
vented?" Nothing as yet; but l am
on the lookout"
MNs. DaMEsrIc17Y calls st the kitchen
furnishing store. Have you Cooks
stewers?" she asks. The dealer is dumb
founded till he is shown an advertise
ment Of "Cook's Tours" when he d.
rected her to the nearest railrosd Office.
Ten residents Of Wavcrly, who
wouldn't do a days work for anything,
recently hauled over twenty cords Of
wood to get q red squirrel that wasn't
there. Then they crack ed command
ment. .-O,eego Record. L
Why is it that WHISKY straight will
make a man walk crooked d?-Boston
Globe. Why is it? Why, it is because
you drink it. Did you mover think Of
that? You leave the whisky in the jug,
and it will not make you walk crooked.
DoN'T blame Alc rooster for Dragging
over every egg that is laid in the family.
Only human nnture. nothing more. You
remember that when that bouncing boy
arrived at your house it wasn't the
mother who went abou. doing the crow
ing. ' D'0,- '''' N. % 80
Az Indian came to an agent in the
northern, part OF Iowa to procure some
whisky for q younger brother, who he
said had been bitten by . rattlesnake.
"Four quarts repeated the agent, with
surprise; "much Is that?' "Yes," :"
replied the Indian, four quarts; snake
very big"
TIE Chinese Court has become 30 ex-
travagant in the use Of silks during the
last two years that native writer declares
it to be Uncomfortable, Unreasonable.
and immoral" In the year 1878 silks
valued ct 98O,00O we're supplied to the
Imperial palace, 1900 pieces being for
the use ofservants, the greater portion Of
which, however it is charged, was sold
Or pawned to retail silk dealers. This
sum Of 9S0,000 does not comprise the
costof the gorgeous silken robes and other
garments supplied to the Empresses and
court ladies, many of which cost over
81, 900 apiece. Seventy illllstriouo danes
connected with the Brother OF the Sul
and Moon are especially furnished with
unlimited Costume" from the imperiaF
factory in question, and their outlay an
nually in silk dresses is estimated at
F100, COO. When one Of these ladys snc-
kcumbs TO tho common lot Iof humanity
/ her entire wsr,ir'de is buried with her.
L.