davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
OBEYING THEIR WIVES.
The MOurnful Tale of Five Obedi-
ent Husbands-.Why the Fifth
Claimed 1t as His Funeral.
Texas Siftings.

There we're five of them together, and
it was late. They had been drinking.
Finally, one OF them looked at the clock,
and said:
"What will our wives say when we
come homer"
6 Let them say what they want to.
Mine will tell me to go to the mischief" !"
responded No 2.
I'LL tell you what we will Go. Let
us meet here again in the morning, and
tell our experiences. Let the one who
has refused to do what his wife told
him to do when be got home, pay fer
this evenings entertainment !"
That's good idea. We will agree
to that" Sothe party b:oke up, and
went 10 their respective homes.
Next morning they net at the ap-
pointed place, ard began to tell theil
experiences.
Said No. l:
When l opened the door nay wife
was awake. She said: "A pretty time
of night for you to he coming home
You had better go out and sleep in the
pig pen. for that's what you will come
to sooner or later, anyhow Rather
than pay for all we had drank last night,
| did what she told me to. That LET'S
me out"
NIX!
No cleared his throat, and said:
%When | got home, / stumbled on q
chair, and my wife called: There you
are again, you drunken brute! You bad
better wake up the children, and stag
ger about for while, so they can see
what drunken brute of father they
are afflicted WITH l thought the best
thing / could do under the circumstances
was tc obey; go woke up the children
and staggered around until my wife hin
ted to me to stop. She used chair in
conveying the hint. That lets me out. I"
Next!
No. spoke up, and said:
81 happened to stumble over the pan
of dough, and my wife said: Drunk
again! Hadn'tvou better sit down in
that dough ?" So sat down in it, and
that let's me out"
Next!
M ssii:
81 was humming tune, and my wife
called out: There you are agsin
Hadn't you he,ter give us concert ?"
l said, certainly, aud began to sing as
loud as / could. but she told me to stop,
or she would throw something at me.
so stopped. That lets me out.
Next!
No 5 looked very disconsolate. He
said:
81 reckon I'll have to pay. My wife
told me to do something none Of you
would have done, if you had been in my
place."
"What was it ?n
"She said: $50 you thought you would
come home at last! Now hadn't you
better go out TO the we'll and drink 9
couple of buckets of water just to as
tonish YOUR stomach p That was more
than had bargained for, so it's my fu-
neral"
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
fact people was little likely to be roman.

fact people was little likely to be roman
Tic. As might have been expected, il
was brief and husiness-like; and one
morning early Baruch Werewolf, the
crown of his hat barely reached to Miss
Daglock's shoulder, led, if in any sense
he could he called the leader. that
lady TO the church where the twain were
made one flesh.
The honeymoon passed and the bride
made no alusion to her bank stock Sew
eral times Baruch dropped hints about
it, but they met with no encouragement
One day she went out and left the key
of her trunk in the lock. Baruch had
reason to suspect that the stock was in
the trunk
sTbere can be no harm in looking at
| it," he said.
He turned the KEY and raised the lid
Sure enough there was the bundle Of
certificates, and they footed up hun
dred thousand dollars, just as his wife
had said; but-and there was where the
joke didn't come in the bank had bro
ken wears before! He dropped the bun
die hack and let down the lid.
IL see it all! The confounded will
was only trap to catch me-" he groan'
ed.
And perhaps he never said a truer
thing. ~
| He bore The blow without complain.
ing. Indeed, he stood in wholesome awe
of his amazonian wife, and didn't care to
come to explanations which be knew
must involve the disclosure OF the meaEs
be had employed in making his discove-
ry
"Don't you think, my dear" he ven-
tured to remark one day. 'you might as
well carry out your original intention
and leave that stock 10 the Hottentots ?"
Il think I'll leave il to you, hubby,
DEAR" she said with chuck of his chin
which he would gladly have lodged.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
RELIGIOUS INTELLIGENCE.

1t is sad fact that it ia a vast dea
easier to have hot controversy about
religion than it is to live religiously.
The edge of religious controversy has
changed. 1t may be as sharp, but it has
lost its saw teNh.-John Miller.
A Chicago clergyman recently said /:
Matthew Arnold furnishes the stock in
trade for q multitude of small dealers in
doubt"
The Pope will hold another consistory
in Nav. when the Archbishop of Cologne
and the Papsl Nuncio to Spain will be
created Cardinals.
Bishop Harris. Methodist, recently
ordained eight young men elders in Val
paraiso, Chill. He left South America
December 29ih for Africa.
A new bell, bearing the inscription,
Sinners. this bell calls you to the wor-
ship of Christ aud nothing more," has
been presented to the B .ptist Church of
Dedham, Mass - r
A London paper recently contained
the following advertisement: "a gentle
man R. c. of very respectable family
and holding good business appoint
ment is anxious to acquire loan for a
short time to enable him 10 settle his
mind in religious matters. Kind offers
in strict confidence.
The original Scottish National CoveD-
ant of 1888 is still in existence Tue
venerable parchment was exhibited re-
Gently at the sitting of the Victoria
(Australia) Presbyterian General As
semhly, The present owner, Hon. W.
Pearson, is linesl descendant Of Ole
of the signers of the covenant.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
Relation Of Brain-Work to Blood
Supply.

supply.
Nina Morris, in Popular Science Monthly.
But, even if it is true that the larger
and healthier physique affords more
blood tor brain use, /, does not follow
that the larger the supply the greater the
amount OF brain-work possible The
argument assumes that the brain has no
limit to it's activity except in the quanti-
ty Of blood that can be prepared for it.
But i, needs no scientific education to
know that :here are other influences
which limit the thinkers activity, and
that these limitations are somewhere in
the mysterious recesses OF the brain, or
in the forces OF which the brain is the
organ. The physical health OF the BRAIN
worker may be perfect, digestion unim.
same, and yet be may not he able to con-
centrate his thoughts or carry on corD-
plicated train of reasoning. The defect
is not IN his body-thst is as heal,hy as
ever; nor is it in any of the processes Of
FLOOD making-lbese GO on % before.
The trouble lies in the brain itself, whose
capacity for work is measured by some
hidden standard OF it's own, and gives
warning when cessation of brain. W ork
is imperative The body is a furnace
whose power of consuming fuel is great
er than the capabiIity of its boiler-the
hrain-to generate power. To keep The
latter in good working condition. some
thing more is necessary than building
and feeding the fires. A supplementary
but important consideration is whether
the steam beyond a certain point will
not be productive Of unpleasant conse
quences in the form OF an explosion.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
A Queer Maine Marriage.

A queer case OF marriage took place
in Maine not long ago, where one of the
parties belonged in Belfast.
The wife subsequently, became pauper.
and the authorities ascertained that the
marriage, which took place in Frankfort,
was bogus one, and claimed that they
we're not holden for the support of the
woman. The man who acted as Justice
said the ceremony was performed as q
Joke. that the contracting.parties had no
certificate and that his commission as
Justice OF the Peace had expired. The
following is the ceremony used at the
Wedding:
Beneath the roof in pleasant weather
join this man and maid together;
Let none but Him, who rules the thunder
Put this man and maid asunder.
Ex-Governor Crosby was consulted
and pronounced the marriage legal, ant
the keeper OF the poor at Belfast main
tanned The woman until her desth.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
New York, April "a, 1882.
Eruptions on the Face in Spring.

Eruptions on the Face In Spring.
With every spring comes a torment
to certain class of people in the form
of what is istecbnically called acne vul.
garis, or pimple on the face 1t is usu.
ally ascribed to q condition of the blood
consequent upon the change Of season.
People continue to eat heating food
when The necessity for it is past, and the
results seen in these eruptions. The
Austrian pathologists regard the disease
as local, while the French regard it as
constitutional, and the American com.
bines these views and treat the disease
accordingly. 1t is most common in
people Of light complexions, and when
there is scrofuious taint IN the system,
it is next to incurahle. It has been no.
ted that parasites are found with the dis.
ease, but whether or not they cause it is
point as yet obscure Doctors who
hold to the theory that parasites cause
the disease, hold also that it is conta-
gious, and often noticed in children al.
lowed to play withvpet dogs.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
Gifted Fools,

There are wonderful idiots In the
world besides Blind Tom"
In the idiot asylum in London there
is one man who can tell tie time OF day
or night without watch or clock. Ask
him at any time in the morning, or on
waking him from sound Sleep
'sCharles, what time is It'll"
Thirteen minutes and half past four"
as the case might be.
Physicians and learned men have made
every attempt to explain the possession
Of this remarkable gift.
Another has built ship, tnll.rieged
throughout, q man of-war, with every
rope and block and spar perfect. It 10
six or eight feet long, and he worked on
it for six years.
He was very fne-looking man; yet
he is an idiot and his mother was one.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
HANLAN wins.
Another Easy Victory for the Canaa
dian.

LONDON, Maysl.-HanIan won by four
lengths. The course was from Putney.
to Martlske, and The stakes e ,0o0. Hshs
Ian won with The greatest ease. Hanlai
had the Middlesex side and the start
was good one. though Hanian had
slightly the best of Trickett and led inns
Dedia.ely afterward The steamers fol.
lowing the rowers were laden with peo-
pie, and the banks of the river were
crowded. Many ladies were among the
spectators.
Hanfan was rowing easily at Hammer
smith bridge, and there was never any
doubt as TO the result. Hanlan prompt
" rowed Trickett down. At Carven
5ttsge, six furlongs from the starring
point, Hanlan was one.quarter OF q
length clear OF Trickett, and at the creek,
about two miles and halt further on,
took the Australians water. Oh Barnes
Terrace, but short distance from the
creek. he was lea1ing Trickett by fifteen
seconds. Hanlsn's time was n minutes
aud So seconds, and T,ickett's 30 min.
uies and. 33 seconds Hanlan played
with Trickett as with former contest.
ants.
TIE DETILs.9
Hanlsu rowed thirty-eigbt strokes ID
the first minute, and was ahead very
soon and rowing neatly and easily. His
time for the first mile was 8 minutes and
II seconds. Soon after, Hsnlan, amid
a good deal Of laughter, stopped dead
and looked around. There were again
cheers and laughter when, shortly az
terward, he stopped for quite couple
OF strokes.
Hanlan was ten seconds ahead at the
Hammersmith bridge-s mile and three.
quarters from The starting point. 0p.
posite Thorny Crofl's Works the Chick.
wick barge lay right across the course,
causing Hanlan to lose much ground.
There was II seconds difference exactly
in the time OF arrival Of Thorny Croit's
Works.
Hanlan was in regular surf in Cor.
ney reach, and made tor the Middlesex
shore for shelter. When. he got into
smooth water. he Immediately stopped
and baled his boat. Trickett was pow.
erless in the waves, aud Kelley had to
take him into shelter
Approaching Barnes terrace, Hanlan
was nearly two hundred yards In front
Of Trickett, rowing strongly and grand.
ly. So hollow race is seldom witness
ed, even with HsnIan. There was
sixty.three seconds difference in the
time Of the men when off Barnes, even
though Hsnlan stopped six seconds.
The champion fairly made show OF
rrickett, and won with ridiculous ease
BY too many lengths to count. :"
After the finish OF the race, Hanlan
turned around and met Trickett. Turn
ing again he rowed TO the winning post,
reaching it length ahead.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
A Truly Startling Disclosure.

To THE EDIToR OF THE N Y. SuN-
Ssr: | have discovered most awful
conspiracy on the part of the Smith
family to take possession Of the United
States Government, and to allow no one
to hold Office unless his name is Smith.
Every Smith in the country has been
sworn in, and they are to have Lords,
Dukes and other titled fellows, and those
who spell their names Smy,he nr Smithe
are to be ennobled. This thing was
planned years ago, and, knowing that
the country would be alarmed il It were
known what vast quantity of Smiths
the United States contained, they have
had themselves put in the Directories
under such names as McPyke, Johnson,
end l believe that many of them have
assumed that they belonged to the proud
house OF Brown. Does any one. believe
that there is really any person pamed Nc.
Pyke1 And don't think that ,there
are more than twenty or. thirty real
Browns ia New York. The rest are
Smiths who have taken tie name. But
what wish to know is this: Do you
think that Deacon Richard Smith knows
of this ? Is be to he King of.the Smith
Eupire2 By answering you will obligs
q scared man named -.s
DAVID BRAINARp.,
New York April %. 1882 -
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09

In two years a hoy can learn ss much
Latin as he can forget In six months Of.
ter he goes to work for living.
All the venerable citizens out West
who are so unfortunate as TO bear re-.
semhlance to old man Bender, should or.
gsnize for mutual protection before any
moFe OF their number are gathered in
by ambitious detectives.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
A Kiss.

Cold.bearted maiden, tell me why
Do you your lover thus denyl
Why this ecstatic boon refuse
In granting it you nothing lose;
IT'S nothing to bs stunned as frightful,
But tender. joyous. sweet. delightful. )
Inspiring joyous-nay, swear
You doubt? Then try me. there! there!l therein
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
Advertising Rates:

tELesal advertisements charged the rate
Of one dollar per square for first insertion, and
ifty cents for each subsequent insertion
Administrators or Executors. Attachment
and Road Notices, 80 90.
Local Notices, per line, first insertion. III
oents, and Ave cents per line for each additional
week.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09

You are no goose simply because you
choose 10 feather your nest.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-05-09
NOTARY PUBLIC.

THIN undersigned, having been appointed
L Notary Public, would inform: his
fiends. and tie public generally, that he is
prepared to 6il Pensioners Blanks. admin
astsr Oaths, take Depositions, acknowledge
Deeds. Mortgages. and other Instruments OF
writing. JOHN -yBFFRRS.
spris.T6 seaasviise, Monroe O.. otis
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1882-05-25
Chalmers charges Were Untrue.

The statement made by Chalmers bears its
own REPUTATION. / was not acquainted with
Judge McKInstry, who presided at the court
martial, nor with either of the other two dis
tinguished colonies, who, with Judge McKin-
stry, composed the court. 1t is utterly i'm
probable and impossible that three judges
would permit an officer who had deserted his
command to escape punishment simply be-
cause the officer was an Albanian and the
presiding judge was an Albanian. 1t is not
fact that il was necessary for me to apply
to General Chalmers for leave of absence.
was sent to the hospital on a surgeons certi6-
cate, signed by the regimental, brigade, di-
vision and corps surgeon. General Forests
surgeon testified at the trial that he never
knew an officer TO have a stronger and
more regular paper justlfyiDg his absence.
General Chalmers appears to attach imPor-
lance to the fact that l was absent when my
command was in front of the enemy. AS our
Confederate commands were nearly always
in front of the enemy fail to see any force
in that part of his statement. On this occa-
sion. however, it happens that our army was
at Florence, the cavalry having Just crossed
the river, and the enemy were at Franklin,
distant about 100 miles. 1t is only necessary
for me to say that / was acquitted of the
charge preferred by Chalmers restored at
once to my command, and surrendered at
Gainesville under General Forrest with my
sword in hand. General Chalmers was not
SO fortunate. The last time | saw him he
was under arrest by Forrest for absenEiDg
himself and causing his whole command to
be absent in the face of the enemy at Selma.
| could not prevent Chalmers from preferring
charges against me, but l could and did
prove that the charges were not true.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1882-05-25
URUGUAYINTR TROUBLE.

Uruguay is in trouble with France, Spain,
Italy and Brazil, and if her diplomats do not
succeed in helping her out of 1t, may be COM
pslled 10 enter upon a war in defense of her
life with one or all of these powers. The
French government demands satisfaction for
the murder of French sailor by the police
of Montevideo, and Spain has an unsettled
claim for reparatien for the torture and MUIR
der of Spanisrd. Italy's grievance grows
out of the arrest and torture of two Italians
at Montevideo, for which the Italian minis
ter demanded the punishment of the tortur-
ers and the responsible officials and an in
demnity of $4,000 to the manned and Grip
pied victims. To this demand Uruguay paid
no attention, whereupon the Italian minister
broke off diplomatic relations. But the diff
Guilty which most seriously threatens the
peace of Uruguay is that with Brazil. This
grows out of the impressment in the Uru-
guian army of forty Brazilian subjects, fer
outrages on others, and for crossing the Bra
LILLIAN frontier in pursuit Of fugitive. For
this Brazil demanded an apology, which was
refused, whereupon she ordered army TO
the frontier to enforce her demands. If
Uruguay does not accede to them war will
follow, and perhaps another case of ruin
Al milar TO that of Peru
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1882-05-25

The National Cotton Exchange, with
headquarters at New Orleans, has discon-
tinued its monthly acreage and crop reports,
not because it is anticipated by the govern
ment, the State and newspaper reports, as it
is every week and month in the year, but, as
is alleged, because the local exchanges, from
which these reports are obtained, are unre-
liable and use their power to advance local
interests. Commenting on this statement,
the Montgomery Mad says-and the APPEAL
indorses it-that off the statisticians of the
great commercial centers were half as relia-
BILE as the local exchanges, which get their
information direct from planters, the market
would be in much less danger of being infiu-
enced in behalf of any particular set of men
than it now is. A thousand times better
that particular sections should be improperly
benefited than that Wall street should
manipulate crop reports to the advantage of
spectators only"
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1882-05-25
CArTLE.RAIsING.

The high price of beef, taken together with
The fact that American beef has been shipped
to Europe, where it found a ready sale at
satisfactory prices, has produced a mania
upon the subject of cattle-raising. Unless
our people find profitable market in En-
rope, there is a possibility that the supply
will be greater than the demand, and the
consequence will be the same which follows
an over-crop Of cotton, wheat or corn. But
at present no business enterprise in the
United States offers SO many inducements as
cattle-raising. The people of Texas are
growing rich on this trade, and this State
and the Western country are both destined
to become wonderfully prosperous. There
seems to be no bounds to the wealth of the
Western States, which is more astonish-
iugly bountiful the more the country and
Its vast resources are developed. Just
now cattle-raising and shipping is drawing
the attention of capitalists in every part of
the country. The prairie lands are found to
he exceedingly adapted to this business, at
which immense fortunes are being rapidly
accumulated by men who commenced as
herders and had but few dollars with
which to purchase land and stock. An
Omaha correspondent furnishes the Chicago
Tribune with the profits made by raising
cattle in Nebraska, which are indeed mar
velous. Much of the State is covered with
buffalo bunch and other grasses, which cure
as they grow, and are nutritious throughout
the year. The natural hay affords winter
pasture upon which ali kinds of cattle feed
and fatten. The correspondent already al
luded to shows that Messrs. Barton & Dillon
have a ranch in Lincoln county, 800 miles
west of Omaha, and own a herd of some
thing like 10000 head. The junior member
OF the firm is Sidney Dillon, president of the
Union Pacific Railway Company, who found
it profitable to invest 10 the business. Mr..
Barton is one OF the pioneers in stock raising
of the Nebraska prairies, and has built up
a handsome fortune in the last ten years.
He went to Lincoln county when there was
an unlimited range. Since that date hum
dreds of smaller growers have settled in the
county and restricted the range. He says
that within ten years the large herds will be
removed farther west, and that the whole
region where his cattle now pasture will be
occupied by smaller growers with 100 to 800
head each, with the pasture land all fenced.
One firm just west of the State line paid
$4,000 for Hereford bulls few years since,
and their immense herd of $4,000 cattle al
ready show the improvement in the grade.
William A. Paxton has herd of Is, 900 near
Ogallaia, 80 miles west of Omaha, and who,
as president of the Council Bluffs stock yards,
says that the. quality of beef shipped last
year from Nebraska was twenty per cent.
better than that of any preceding year
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1882-05-25
MEMPHIS TO NEW ORLEANS.

In view Of the construction of a railroad
between Memphis and New Orleans, which
is now going on under the direction of Mr..
r. T. Wilson, of New York, is not the bill
now before Congress, providing for rail-
road on a levee, to be built at government
expense, entirely unnecessary? This bill
sets forth that "the Memphis and New Or
leans Railroad Company proposes to con-
struct a railroad from Memphis to New
Orleans, and that the portion from Memphis
to Vicksburg to be built on levee which
will protect the country east of the Missis-
sippi from overflow. 1t then provides that,
in view of the great advantage to be derived
from the protection of the lands and inn
provement of the river by this levee, the
government shall pay the interest on $780,
600 worth of three per cent. 100-year bonds
per mile during the first fifty years after the
road is built, and that it shall guarantee the
interest during the life of the bonds, another
ninety-ive years." Would it not be well for
the committee of the House of Representa-
tives having charge OF this bill to investigate
Mr.. Wilson's scheme, and learn from that
gentleman-as he will tell them-that gov
eminent aid is unnecessary, and that his road
is being built by the money of the stockhold
ora nf it9