The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-09-07
spOOpendyke Grab. Fishing.


hat and business suit seated in scow
beside an attractive lady, feeling around
among lot Of strings pendant from the
side OF the boat and warning the lady
that she could not keep too quiet.
"Now, my dear" observed the gen
tleman, don't you move, because
feel crab on this line. I'll pull him
up until he is in sight and then you slip
the net under him. SeeP"
"Yes, dear" replied the lady little
Mustered as she contemplated her share
OF the performance. "But, Mr., Spoo-
pendyke, what shall | do when | get the
net under him2n
"Scalp him. retorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, drawing slowly on the line. Now
wait, he's there, and Mr.. Spoopendyke
became even more cautious in his move
ments. "See him! There he isl Scalp
him quick"
Mrs. Spoopendyke jahbod the net in
to the water and swashed around with
great vigor
What We doing?" yelled Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, Strengthening up and gIarng
at her, as the crab struck line for
Newark bay. "Whatd We think bad
there, the bottom Of the river? Whatd
ye suppose ye was trying to catch, a
church? Take it out Giyeit horem and
he grasped the lady around the waist
anG took the net away from her
Odd ! scalp him?' asked Mrs Spoo-
pendyke, flushed with her exertions and
trembling with excitement. "Show him
TO met Let me see what he looks like"
Looks like" roared Mr. Spoopen.
dyke "He looks like Sandy Hook by
this timel Why didn't ye scalp himi
What's the matter with you?n
IL couldn't tell which was his
head faltered Mrs. Spoopondyke, who
hadn't seen anything at ALL Pull him
up again, and you'll see if don't scalp
the last hair on his skull"'
The English language lost its last
charm for MIR. Spoopendyke, and be
turned TO his strings with a whitening
look Of contempt for his wife.
Now you be careful" he said at
length Here's another varmint, and
you mustn't let him get away. When l
say Scalp" you shove the net under
him and just bring him aboard"
Can YOU see him yet?' asked Mrs
SPoopendyke, waving the net over her
head and peering into the water.
wait! Yes there he is! Careful, re-
member. Now, scalp! ~
He must have been a crab Of phenom-
email scholastic advantages TO have got
ten rid of that swoop, for Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, with view to redeeming her
self, went for the end of the string
blindly, but with strength of purpose
that made failure impossible. She not
only got the crab, but she slammed net,
crab and all over Mr. Spoopendyke's
head
"What-wah-h, - shrieked that gen.
tleman as be felt himself impounded
Lost him again." exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, who hadn't the remotest
idea what a crab looked like. "Whv,
dear, what's that awful big spider in
the net? Good graciousm
Cake it OFF, howled Mr.. Spoopen.
DYKE. Take it-wow! the thing has
90. me by the ear Haul him off, will
ye?'
Mrs, Spoopendyke dropped the han
die of the net as if it were an old fash
toned bonnet and gazed upon her hus-
band in CONSERVATION.
Cast the crab" yelled Mr.. Spoo.
pendyke, tearing the net away, Let
20. We brute! Wah-ham and the unfor-
tunate man wrenched the fish from off
his ear and dashed it in the bottom of
the boat. whats your scheme in do
ing that?n he demanded, holding his
ear with one fist and shaking the other
at his wife. Think you've got to eat
'em right out of the water? Got no.
ton that he come up cooked and you
must down him quick or he'll spoil?"
yelled Mr., Spoopendyke, enraged be-
yond all control by the sight Of the car
mage that trickled down his fingers.
"Whatd ye mean byit?" and he sprang
into the air and alighted on the unhap-
py crab, slipped up and sprawling full
length in the bottom of the boat.
WAS that a crab, dear?n asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, assisting her husband to
arise and contemplating the mangled
fish with anything but favor us that
what you call crab? thought
You thought ripped Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, kicking at the bewildered crab.
That's the trouble with you-you
think! Did We think was going to
stand here and let that crab chew on
my ear till his legs ached? Praps ye
thought he was whispering to me! May
be ye thought he was telling me fun
ny story! Well he wasn't, and if he was
his voice was so hoarse couldn't enjoy
it, Ye thought, did ye!' squealed Mr..
Spoopendyke, his wrath rising as the
pain and fear subsided Thought a crab
talked with his toes like some women
think, did We! Oh, you thought Iflhad
such head as that I'd fit it up with
shuck beds and a stick Of gum and start
female boarding school! With your
ability to think, YOU only need squirt
and four long words to be Concord
school of philosophyw and Mr., Spoo-
pendyke plunged the oars into the wa
ter and began to row vigorously.
where are you going dearP" asked