News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-12-21
THE J0KER'S BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS THIS WEEK.
How to Make Home Happy-A Cold Day
FatherIy Words. Etc., Etc.
HOW TO MAKE HOME HAPPY.

e HOW TO MAKE HOME HAPPY.
S The other night Jones went home in
n one of til Sc heavenly moods which seem
s to fit man for better world, and after
I gone to bed, he sat down to spend an
? evening cf unalloyed bliss with Mrs. j.
l The fact was pretty book agent had
sold him a new work that day, ''How to
Make HON. Happy" and though he
} thounht 1T sss-pst ut present to leave If at
the Office and gradually introduce it into
the family circle he was inspired by a
} slight perusal of it to do better.
So he drew the most comfortable chair
in front of the blazing coal fire in the
parlor CRATE and seated himself for the
evening, while Mrs. j. filed rocker on
his right.
81 say, Maria, this is comfort" he
said, holding the newspaper between
him and the too ardent glow of the fire.
''Tm glad you think So" answered
Maria, shortly. ''Perhaps if you had
your back to a cold room without any
fire Or any prospect of one, you might
feel differently. You know the sitting
room stove"
Jones felt that he had started an I'M
lucky subject, and he fastened to guide
the steed of conversation into smoother
paths.
"That reminds me, Maria, of the old
happy past. Do you remember when
used to visit you at your fathers, and we
would sit for hours gazing into the glow
ing depths of wood fire 2" meandered
! Jones.
81 should think I did, " responded Mrs.
J. 81 used to wonder if you would ever
60 Mother was waiting to set the
buckwheat cakes, the last thing, and we
always had them heavy for breakfast
How you used to hang on, and how
spooney you were ?"
Failure number two; but Jones had
braced up to stay in and make home
happy for one evening, and the moral |
rectitude of his purpose sustained him.
"Theyve started a reading club over to
Sawyer's, hear, he eremarked presently. |
'To keep him home nights, s'pose,"
suggested Mrs. Jones. "Well, it will
take club, and a good strong one, to do
it, though, for my part, L should be glad
to have him out Of the way if he was
my husband I wonder if he will ever
get his wife that seal skin cloak he's been
promising her?'
eyes," said Jones, family, che
brought it home tonight
emo! You don't mean it Well, I will
say this for Tom Sawyer, he's generous
to a fault. And he's really bought her a
seal-slin and their pew is right in front
of ours What l5sfl.=-ooIle women do
have. L suppose it's luck" and Mrs.
Jones sighed in depressed manner.
Mr.. Jones took his hat and said there
was a mana customer of his-that was
in town stopping at the Russell House,
and he had nearly forgotten he had an
appointment with him on business, and
Mrs. J. skipped out and ran over to
Sawyer's and tried the new seal-skin on,
and the next day Jones gave that copy
''How to Make Home Happy to his
office boy and told him to sell it at a
secondhand book store and keep the
money.-DetrOH Post.
HE GOT THERE.
Everybody who will stop to think must
admit that the gates at the railroad depots
are wise provision. One must show his
ticket before he can pass to the train, and
it is not once in a thousand times that
passenger can go astray. And yet it
gals and annoys lots of people to be
rallied and penned up and be obliged to
exhibit their ticket.
Yesterday morning very stern and
dignifed man with a grip-sack in his
hand tried to walk through the gates at
the Central Depot, and when asked for
his ticket he haughtily replied:
'''It is in my pocket
''IIet me see it.
''I will not My word should be proof
that have it p
''Have to show your ticket, sir"
"I won't submit to any such indig-
nifty p exclaimed the stern man, and he
didn't. He entered the freight sheds,
passed through a flour car, climbed over
a lot of hides and crept under baggage
car, and finally reached the train he was
after A brakeman stood at the steps
and asked:
"Going West, sir?'
'No; going East. y
"Then your train won't go for three
hours and half yet This train goes
West I"
And the worst of it all was the man at
the gate and dozen others caught on
and raised such a laugh that the stern
man went down into the freight house
and hid behind box-car. Detroit Free
Press.
FATHERLY WORDS.
n. P. W. writes: 81 am a young man
twenty-five years old. l am IN love with
a young lady of seventeen. Her mind
being very different from mine l have not
told her of my love, nor asked to call on
her. I thought her so giddy that she
did not want any steady company. She
is a great lover of amusement She is
perfect lady in her department, although
she is more like child of fourteen than
a young lady of seventeen. L think she
is very pretty, but she seems to enjoy
flirting to the greatest extent. One
evening at party / asked her to prone
made with me, and she would not do it.
I then asked her to allow me to bring her
refreshments, which she would not do.
| then asked her to let me take her home
when she was ready to go, and the an
swer was, No, [ will not do any such
thing, and turning round she left me. L
have met her several times since. She
always bows to me- Everywhere she
meets me she recognizes me pleasantly.
Now, did [ do wrong in asking her those
privileges at the party, | having no in
PRODUCTION to her? / am still in love
with her?"
After she had refused to promenade
with YOU. and had declined to permit
you to bring her refreshments, it was
pressing matters rather too far for you
to ask her to allow you to accompany
her home whenever she got ready to
60" Still. as she treats you kindly