The Evening critic., 1882-01-05
BARTON AND SMELL.
The Interesting Lcyccs the Firm
Hold Daily.


grown hardened and grizzly in his loag
tenn of service, what do we serve up for
the judicial feast to-day ?'
Dunno responded a thug from the
Nayy.yaid.
Muffin said an old outh-Washngtou
soak,
'somc old drunk" Northern Liberty
lunch-routcr answered.
Been bcatin my wife replied another,
and thus tcrscly each occupant of the pris-
oners dock laid his sinsa aud grievances before
old Barton who was preparing them for the
daily dress parade.
"Unph he said, when the last one had
spoken. the same old story every day.
Hang me if YOU people oughtu't to he
ashamed - yurscVes Why don't yer git
up suthn new. Suthin origul like. say.
for instinct Bowler, instead o. gittn
drunk, why don't yei Kit arrested once az
twice fur bcin' sober Aud you, Pink
Pearson, why don't yer beat yer mother
in.law instead OF yer wife. And as for you,
Stump Perkins. it yc'd admit fur onst in
Yer life that ye'd bin arrested for suthin',
his Royal Nihbs in thar would let yer oil
widout no fine. Bah yer a bad lot o ct
zins altogether, an I'm disgusted wild ye.
blHH Il llll.. uiDS lttltu lilc SiNtIN
tongucd bell at the clerks desk, just then,
and, with gesture of disgust toward his
boardcrs. Barton hurried from the dock,
mounted the stage and delivered his daily
omton, beginning 80. ye2 ~ which an
nouncod the opening Of the court.
A stiffness Of painful suspense falls over
the court room.
His Honor Smell, in new 80 cent neck
tic and clean, Staiched collar, sits nodding
on the bench of justice. Sleepy policemen
stand around at various points, blinking
and yawning indolently. Spectators, open
mouihed, sit on the hard benches without
the rail- watching for the performance to
begin.
The suhdued droniug hum of voices Of
people convcrSing in the halls outside and
the scratching of pens as the clerks sit pre-
pairing the dockets for the day and shutlling
of huge feet beneath the reporters table
are the only noises To break the silence
Suddenly the clerk moves stealthily from
his chair, and. gliding around to the left of
the Judges chair, plucks nervously at that
functi0nary's sleeve and softly whispers; :;
Wake up, Your Honor, We are ready to
begin" His Honor starts up and rubs his
eyes. God bless my soul, l have been
taking nap" he says apolOgotically to the
clclk, aud drawing the wrinkles of his face
into an expression of solemn sternness, be-
fore which many n poor culprit has often
quailed, he calls for the first prisoner to be
brought in.
The door of the dock swings back and
haggard, bedraggled washed-out young man
steps timidly forward. The remnants of q
hout0nnicr on the lapel of what was once
a light ulster indicates recent debauch.
He is charged with having been drunk and
disordcry He Indignantly denies it. The
police man with the red nose who arrested
him, however, says that he found the
young gentleman, about midnight, enjoy
ing slumber in the gutter on G street,
near the Patent Office, and that he had II
barrel stavc Rugged tightly in his arms,
which he repeatedly addressed as " Bessie"
as the officer leaned over him prior TO dis
turbing his slumbers.
"Umph," croaks His Honor; nothing
very disorderly in that, evidently inclined
to deal leniently with the prisoner.
"No, if Ycz Honor PLACES" returned the
cop with naive foreign accent; but, if yez
PLACES, whin oi turned i'm over wild me
sthick and sed to i'm, scz OF, git outer
that, ycz haste, he ups and begins ter
tump thcr stavo he was a-huggin' and ~
| calm Bessie, just as though she was is
! wolfe, an tort as 'ow twas best to run
i'm in.
Did he use amy profanity" asks the
| bcak, rousing up to Il sense Of duty.
He did, Yer Honor"
"Wh-wha- what did | s-sa.say," breaks in
| the washed-out young man, chattering like
| magric.
old gal, dunI yer, take yer cold fate of 4
or moinc. Dunn yer, if yez don't oi Il
knock seven bells onter yoz. "
"Ton dollars or thirty days." says His
| Honor
"But, IL Your Honor pleascs," cries the
young man, give me a chance, L"
Next" shouts the beak, and as the
young man is hustled ont, in steps q
brawny, shock-headod youth, the same whl
had been addressed by Barton as Bowler.
Bowler il charged with being drunk. II,
knows that his appearance gives him away
and he pleads neither guilty nor not guilty
But puzzled expression crosses his face
when His Honor says thirty days
Beg parding, yer Homer, but hahn
yer lost yer balance " he cries.
What I! " shouts the Court.
"Hain't yer Off Yer chump. Hezn't ye
stoerin' gear broke loose somewhar?"
"What does this fellow mean, Mr.. Bar
ton 2" the Court thunders, in purple rage
II mcan,' Bowler responds, before Bar
ton can speak, that think yer hez mad,
a mistake. Didn't yer mean to send me
down for ninety instid or thurty days.
mo, sir. Only thirty days for this trim
You have been living ut District expens'
long enough. ] propose to give somebody
else chance" the Court says, and Bowie
is led out.
"Hello, there's jimmie Fagan," whisper
a fashiiy dressed young woman, with {
Viscious eye, to fat woman who sits mex
TO her among the spectators as a debauched
besotted, acknowledging woman take
position next at the dock rail. Jinnit
Faean has been ON big spree evidently
One of her eyes is in mourning and the
other has a bereaved appearance.
jimmie is charged with assaulting th'
fashily-arcssed young woman, neighbor &
the fat oman among the spectators, whS
stands up and says her name is Araminth,
Deiaviscour, scamstress by occupation an(
the victim OF the battered wreck tumblin'
in the dock. Aramntha states, with
dash Of spitefumess, that recently he
lover and best friend was Buck Baker, wh,
drives an ice-cart,
Jimmie Pagan met Back at ball New
Years eve" says Arlmintha, land SIN
lust made herself smart enough TO masi
him, aud / amt seen him since. | hunte,
her UP last night TO find out about it, an,
she slugged me, Your Honor, ont o sight
and | thumped her back"
You thumped her back? breaks in tn
Court, " 1t looks more as though yOl
thumped her eve
No, Yonr Honor, ] never touched he
eye, shouts Aramintha; "she did thai