The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-07-06
The Trouble OF being o Woman.

Upon the whole, 1t Is dreadful thlDg
to be woman, aud do the business up in
good shape.
In the first place, you've got to look
well, or else you're iobody a man may
be homely aud still be popular. Whis-
kers cover up the most OF his face, and II
he has got large mouth, nobody mis-
trusts it: aud, if he wrinkles bad on his
forehead, his friends speak of his many
cares, and of his thoughtful disposition,
and tell each other that his wrinkles are
lines of thought. Lines of thought in.
deed when in all probability, his fore
head is wrinkled by the habit he has got
of scolding at his wife when the coffee
isn't strong enough.
A woman must always be in good or
der throughout. Her hair must be iriz-
zed and banged as fashion demands and
she must powder if she has shining
skin; and she must manage 10 look sweet,
no matter how sour she may feel, and she
must hang Just so. and her laccs must be
always spotIess, and her boot buttons all
in place, and finger nails Clean and she
mustn't whistle nor climb fences, nor
stone cats, nor swear when sue is mad
She can't go out alone because ladies
must be protected. She can't go any
where when it rains because her hair
won't stay crimped and she'll get mud on
her pettcoats, and things. She can't be
Frcemason, because she would tell
their secrets, and everybody would know
She can't smoke because it wouldn't he
feminine. She can't go cour,ing because
it is unwomanlv. But she must get mar
ricd before she is twenty-five, or every
body will feel wronged. People will sigh
over her, and wonder why it is that the
men don't seem to take" and all the
old maids and widows will smile signif-
cantly-nnd keep quiet.
Oh, these smiles, and these significant
looks (! They are ten times worse than
open ISLANDERS.
1t il q terrible thing to be an old maid
terrible! Everybody knows it is, and
the women who are married to drunken
husbands, and who manage to quarrel
with them six days out of the seven. will
groan in agony OF spirit over the single
woman, and call her that poor old
maid
A womon must marry rich, or she
doesn't marry "wcll." To marry we'll is
the end and aim OF q woman's existence,
judging from the view which people in
gcnral take Of this matter.
Ut is cverybody's business who IL wo.
man marries. The whole neighborhood
put their heads together and talk over
the pros and cons, and decide whether
she is good enough for him. And they
way she does up her hair, aud relate
anecdotes Of how lazy her grandfather
was, and how her Aunt Sally used to sell
beans and bultermilk.
A woman must wear No. 2 boots on
No. feet, and she must manage TO dress
well on seventy.livo cents n week and
sho mustn't be vain, and she must bc kind
to the poor, and go regularly to the sew
ing.socety meetings, and be ready TO
dress dolls, make aprons ard tides for
church fairs.
She must be good cook, and she
must be able to "dO up" her husband's 3
shirts so that the henthcn Chincso wash
erman would groan with envy and gnash
his teeth with the same unIoly passion,
Mt sight of them.
She must always have the masculine
buttons in the family sewed on 80 that
they never will come of while in use,
and she must keep the family hosiery So
that nobody would mistrust that there
werct toes inside Of the stockings when
they are on.
She must hold herself in continual
readiness to find everything her husband
lost-and n man never knows where any
thing is lie will put his boots carefully
away on the parlor sofa, and when he has
hunted after them half an hour, he will
appear to his wife with countcnancc
like that of the avenging angel, and de.
mhad to know "What in tho thunder she
has done with his boots 2"
She must shut all the doors after her
lord and master, and likewise the bureau
drawers, for married man never was
known to ahut drawer. 1t would be as
unnatural as for Il hen to 60 swimming
for recreation.
She must go to bed first in cold wealth
er, SO as to get the bed warmed He,
husband, if he be wise man, never asks
her to do this, but he SIS up ito finish II
piece in the paper" and waits while she
gets the sheets to comfortable tempera
ture.
All, there are n good many tricks in
tho trade of what is called living togeth-
er!
A woman is expected to take care oftht
baby, even after the first infantile wonder
multipiies into round dozen. And il
he doubles up with the collie, or tho trials
Of cutting teeth, necessary evils of the
mumps, and measles and whooping
cough, and scarlet fever, and rash, throat
distemper, and short sleeves, and bare
legs, and pins sticking into him and too
much candy and bad temper, why hel
husband tells her that che does wish she'd
try and quiet the baby m And he says il
just as if he fully believed that she alone
was responsible for its being in existence
and rs if he thought she was considera-
bly, to blame for it, too.
And when she has the heaadche, no.
body thinks of minding it A woman
is always having the headache And i
she is "nervous enough to fly" nobody
shuts the doors any easier on account OF
it, or tucks he. upon the lounge with d
shawl over her, or coddles her to death
like, man has to be coddled in such cir
oumstances.
We might 60 on indefinitely with the
troubles o woman brings and if there
is man in the world who thinks wo
man has an easy time of it just let hin
pin on o pound of false hair, and get in
side new pair of corsets, and put on 6
pullback overskirt, and be a woman him
self, and see how he likes it.
A NEW ENTERpRIsE.--Com
Butler has on exhibition at his Office ar