The Worthington advance., 1882-07-13
GREAT SOCIETY MAN.

solomon invented the FreemasOns.
didn't he?" asked the jester, who isn't
very we'll posted on these things. "Hc
did" replied the fat passenger, proudly,
who is one of the way-ups, and wears
three kinds Of pins, and watch seal
that nobody can read, with Sunday.
Monday, Tuesday, "Wednesday, and all
the rest Of the ten commandments in
itiated ON 1t. "He did," said the fat
passenger, as he bent a thirty-third-de-
grcc-in-thc-shade look upon the man on
the wood box, who is only mystic nail
eater of Jericho, and only dates the
Origin of his order back to the days of
Beelzebub. "Solomon," the jester re-
marked, musinsly, ''was a very wise
man, an extremely numerous father,
and an extravagantly diffusive husband.
He had more wives, of full rank and
brevit, than there are women in Olean:
And have no doubt he was a good cx-
emplary Mason. Only, I wonder, if he
lad been content with one wife if he ev-
er would have invented lodge night?
Now, out in Burlington, where live,'
the Jester went OF, hastily breaking in
on the Fat passengers attempt to say
something, there was a woman, aneicl-
Dor Ofmine, whose husband belonged to
more lodges, and societies, and fraterni-
ties, and leagues, and orders, and unions,
and cluds, and rites, and things than the
two ofthcm could count in week. Why,
he went to bed in rcgalia. Plain, but re-
gala: And from force Of habit he used
to cal! his wife 'Worshipful Mistress and
he addressed his children as Junior
Wardens,' and Chief Tough Moyuls,'
and most worthy Bashi Bazouks, and
other wicked and pagan titles That
mans children had vague idea that
they were in some close degree blood re-
lations Of Solomon, and they told their
Sunday-school teacher that their grand
father worked on the Tower of Babel,
and thoy always spoke Of Hiram AbiKas
boiler, ~" = and 'is hold pounO ONE corncr:? tn?
Of the blanket, and grease tho pole, and
help heat the pitch nights when there
was il candidate to be asSassinutcd; and
ho watcred himself into dropsy a. Good
Tcmplar meetings, and fermentcd him
self into beer-vat at Druid picnics, and
ate himself into chronic indigestion 1T
Odd Fellows suppers, and sat up nights
with Grand Army Comrades, and visited
Masonic widows, and comforted knights
Of Pythias orphans, fcmale-sixteen
years and upwards-and he danced him
self into 4 paralysis, and got his eyes
BACKED at all sorts OF balls, and had a
good busy time of it, and was considered
capital fellow because he had to write
S. 0. G. r. W. and 3. g. G. T.; and E.
0. D. If, and We. I. p. d. after his
name every time he wrote letter or
registered at hotel.
'Well, one day there were several
things going ON all at once in our town.
There was a grand conyocation of
Knights Templar, and public installa-
and Druid picnic, and Hibernian
benevolent society ball. and fraternity
symposium, and Grand Army parade,
and two or three bazaars, and masked
parade Of the I. 0. Ms, and fircman's
tournament and fight, and choral-union
rehearsal, and a choice meeting, and 4
baseball match, md regatta, and Il
croQuet quarrel, and in the effort to at
tend all Of them in full rcgalia the man
oyerdid himself, came home all tired
out, told his wife he didn't believe he
felt very we'll himself and went straight
to bed. HIS family never saw the man
again forsiN weeks. And the days were
made busy and tho nights were made
nc;sy by all manner ofcommittces, wear
ing all manner of badges, coming to i'll
ruire after the sick man, and to sit up
with him, and to bring him all manner
Of comforting things-grucl and jcllics,
and water ices, and t:srrapin soup, AMI
pie, and Watcrnlclons, and tracts, and
flat TASKS, and new stories. and sand
wiches, and egg-nogg, and cigars, and
conundrums, and jokes on the boys and
all sorts of doctors-homnpathists, allo-
paths, water-cures, Swedish movement
cures, eclectics, new school, old school,
regulars, guerillas, Injun doctors, faith
doctors, kneaders, slappers, and heal
crs."
And the man go we'll! He mad to-" the
Jester added, noticing the expression 0;
lncredulity that settled upon the coun-
tcnances Of the passengers; ''therc we're
too many of him to die at once While
they were wrestling with one of him
the rest Of him would get the bulge on
them, and he pulled through. And when
he was quite we'll and all THEFT, they had
grand union pi icnic for his benefit, to
which all the societies to which he be-
longcd we're invited. The family natur-
ally rejoiced at this, and supposed they
would get front seats all the way, as thcy
were closely connected with the circus
Instead OF this, however, they we're
treated to a surprise. The procession
organized with the man himself and
three eminent brethern Of vastly s,lpe-
riOr degrees, in the first carriage Then
came brass band. Then came more
carriages, containing eminent brethren
from visiting lodges, every man WITH
enough initials after his name to stock q
railroad; the 0. I. c. U. r. F. l.. Y, and
the r. S. 7. U. V. X, and the c.. u & G..
\. L. l.. u, and the T. O. NJ. and the G..
\: D. and the J. U. G., under the seat.
Then came whole procession of chap
lains-lodge chaplains-on foot swearing
ut the dust.
And away off, two and a half miles
away from the band, came the family, in
the street, hoofng it. When they finally
got out to the picnic grounds, the mem
bers Of the mans domestic househo d
were again pleasantly eurpriscd, being
stopped at the gate by an outside sentin-
al, who dubbed them off to the right.
There they found an inside guard, who
promptly chased them off to the left.
old, with white hair and red necktic,
carrying clothes prop, and bearing in
his own official person the enormous and
9verbearEs title of Royal and Thrice
Puissant Knight Of the Mighty Arm and
Potent Keeper Of the way And when
they got away from all that alive, they
were finally 'shooed' away and waved
off down the road, and told to get out of
there and keep away or they'd get into
trouble, by little old man with bow
legs, hair lip, a wart on his nose, a bald
head, and green goggles, who the af-
frightened and awe-stricken intruders
afterwards learned was His Most Good
ness Gracious Nibs, the Four or Five
Times Renowned :and Most..4 Awfully
Magnificent and Resplendcnt Fly-up-the-
Creek to the Muldoon. A secret society
is sweet boon, but man has to be kind
Of careful that it doesn't grow on him.
r. F. Burdette.
Political Points.
The grccnbackcrs of Alabama have made
the following nominations: J.. J.. Sheffield,
governor; \. s. Townsend, secretary ofstatc;
+. l.. Jones, attorney general; J. NJ. Mont