The Evening critic., 1882-01-17
WANTED A FRIEND.
An Interesting Result Of n Personal
Advertisements.


Of TEE EVENING CErr1c, and presenting an
advertisement written on a slip Of paper to
the tall. fatherly looking gentleman in
charge, asked how much It would cost for
three insertions. The advertisement read
as follows:
yxvANTED-A YOUNG LADY DESIRES
w the acquaintance ola pleasant gentleman.
xddr,ss TRfXTE, critic ofilee.
The tall, fatherly.loolling gentlcman in
charge, previously mentioned, cleared his
throat after reading the "ad., aud with
dignity said:
"Um, ah, well. mum, we doa't publish
such advertisements, um, all, unless they
are inserted in good iaith.'
But | am in good faith said the lady,
somewhat abashed, though. to think that
she was cncroaching upon the rules Of
first-class family journal, and after a mo-
mcnts hesitation, added ." | really wish
TO have it published, for | have very few
friends, and see no glaripg irnpropriety in
seeking protector by such a method"
Certainly not. How many times?" the
tall fatherly-looking gentleman in charge
responded, settling down at once to business.
''Thrce times at least"
zone dollar and twenty-five cents the
tall, fatherly- looking gentleman in charge
exclaimed, and Immediately the money
was paid and the lady glided quietly away.
She returned regularly daily for responses
TO her advertisements so the fltherly-
looking gentleman in charge reports. and
this morning called for the last time. The
front Office was crowded with newsboys
when she entered and she was forced to
elbow her way through them to the
counter.
~ have succeeded in finding friend"
she said to the tall, fatherly looking gentle
man in charge, while smile Of perfect joy
wrcathed her features, "and have called to
say that | will have no use for any addi.
tional answers that might come in. This
little one" she continued, selecting a
plainly addressed letter from packet in
her hand, "has brought me friend that |
most desired, and If / am not disappointed
in him l shall always preserve the utmost
regard for the power of the press"
Glad of it," responded the tall, faith
erly looking gentleman in charge; and,
before he could say anything more, the lit.
tie lady had disappeared. But on the
counter lay the packet of answers to her
advertisement, the writers Of which had
been left out in the cold. They had evil
dently been left there by mistake. She
was pursued, and they were rendered to
her. She took them, but, after walking u
short distance, threw them away.
They were picked up and returned to
this office by a ncwsboy. Inasmuch as the
lady did not seem to care particularly as
to their future use, reporter Of THE
CRITIC sorted out the most interesting OF
the lot and concluded to publish them for
the benefit of the uninitiated, aud to show
"what fools we mortals be" as regards
some members of the genus homo. As the
writers Of the letters gave fictitious names,
it is presumed there is no use OF giving
them in this publication. Some of them
may be recognized, though, by our readers
Letter number one is neatly written
and indicates that the writer, evidently
languishing for home comforts, meant busi-
ness. 1t was inclosed in stamped ca
velope, on which the printed card, ''Pre5i-
| dents office, w. & A. Railroad, Atlanta
Georgia." had been imperfectly erased. 1t
read as follows:
DEAR MISS TRIXIE: In glanclng over to
days CRITIC your little notice met my vision
and l assure you that L would be only toe
pleased to make your acquaintance.
Comparatively stranger here have sadly
needed the advice and conpanionship of a
| kind friend, and If you Will favor me with youi
| name and address i'll confidence VIII en-
| deavor 10 create n mutual, kindly feeling
which may aid In Willing away these dull
mono;onous evenings
| Sincerely, &c
Reply as carly as possible.
Washington, u. c., January IL, 1882.
| The next is written in jerky sort o
style, and shows the writer to have beer
very anxious and fond of giving no end ol
"tahy.r 1t can be safely assumed that he
was rejected because of his weakness il
that respect. He was too utterly too to-
altogether.
JANUARY l3, 1882.
DEAR ''TRNIE:" / have seen your alyer
tsement In THE CRITIC and It struck M
fancy precisely. l know you are a lltt
| jewel, and i am impatient to know you per
sonally. ! have formed in my mind an lde
| of lust how you look, and am sure you are
DAISY" l know you are chatty ana pleas
ant. l know It would be charming TO speni
my evenings with you. The very name yoi
have assumed is really fascinating. 'srrlxie!
Dear TriXiei!" "Darling Trixie!ll" Hol
delightful II would be to sit by you and cal
you so. l know we would have such delight
ful times together.
But perhaps you wish 20 know something o
nc personally. We'll, l am neither youn
enough to be foolish and indiscreet, nor oil
enough 10 be Indifferent to the charms of
pretty girl. am Ave feet eleven inches high
weigh 100 pounds, and am not bad looking
l am very soclable in my disposition, an
quite affectlonate. Now, darling "rrxie," 1
you feel that yon would like to know moro a
me, write fully and freely about yourself an
direct TO LAWYER,
Just imagine friendless young woma
in the clutches of such wretch as tn
writer of the above Ugh
Here's one, very terse but to the poini
The writer evidently had no doubts as {
his ability to make an instant capture
He inelosed it in an envelope stampe
United States Senate Chamber and use
a sheet of Senate note paper with the hcl.
clipped off. Perhaps il is from Senator
but of that the reader must be the judge.
WAsHISGToS, jan. IL, 1882.
TRlXIE Noticing your personal In I'll
CRITIC SUggesfs 20 me that might be the pari
TO answer all the requirements. IN one wOr,
think VIII do. Yours, &c,
The following writer Is too smart to sig
his name to his letter, evidently havin
been there before, but he inelOsed car
naming his address at a prominent hotel O
Capitol Hill;
MAsHINGruN, ID. e., Jan. II, 1852.
TRINIE; Noting your personal In welne
days CRITIC, drawing Inference that perhal
| acquaintance would DE pleasant 10 both pa
ties, and being a stranger Ia this city ana
lady acquaintance hence lOnesOmeness IS
theascendancy, shall remain In the city du
ing the present session Of Congress, ani
agreeable communication addressed % m
per inclosed card, will reach me. Addre
with real name, &c
Next in the series is letter in cope
plate writing, but not particularly attra
tive as regards spelling. The writer Is
cautious fellow, though, aud, It will be o
served, does not care to enter too hasti
upon matrimonial venture. He sign
the name Morgan" aud wanted all d
prelimnaries in advance, such US u NEE
: ing and photograph. He was sat upo
beyond doubt, because he was too parti