Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-09-14
Hataoruus department.
A RIVAL REVIVAL.

article in yer paper what said dat no man
cal, get along in his business lessen he adver-
tises Now does you really put dat statement
down as a fack 20
Eyes, old man, the statement, in meas
IRE is true
eyes, well Use sorter tuck up dat notion
myself. wants ter succeed In my undertak-
ings, so wants yer to sorter fix up adver-
tisement fur me.'
ssWhat do you want to advertise 2''
'tWell, yer see I'se running revival meet
ing out here at de Moss Rock church, an wild
all my energy an-what sorter prize is it when
yer pushes thing ?"
Enterprise"
& eyes, sab, dat's it, A good word, too lem
me tell yer. Well, wild all my enterprise
couldn't get de sinners to come up to de
mourner's bench. De sinners tries to splain
demselves by saying dat times is hard, and
dat dar aint much business. A buck nigger
what's got church jist across the creek from
mine, rakes in sinners cherry night. He comes
around me sometimes and tries to crow oDer
me. Now ef dar is anything what makes me
feel lmphatic- anuder good word, boss
/ got it from a show man-it's fur a buck mig
ger to shake his kinks round me-"
''Jes state in yer paper that Parson Mich
olas is got de best mourner's bench IN de
country; dat ebery convenience is provided.
And put in dis here clinchin' clause: Mourn
ers what come to dis bench is warranted ter
pull through in half the time required at any
udder bench. De ligion got at dis bench has
numerous-dat's handsome word testlmo-
mails from prominent church members show
ing it oh a superior quality, and is inshored
for year."
ssWill you put dat in? Yes? Much oblig-
ed to yer. Say, boss, can't you fling in suthin
about dat nigger preacher ober de creek steal
ing corn? Dat's opposition. Jes say dat he
stole six bushels of corn from a white man.
No; come ter think about it, boss, don't say
nothin' about de corn, because dat was fore
we fell out and was wild him at de time
Boston Traveller.
A Dry SEAsoN-"Stranger' take it, y OBJ
served an elderly resident the other day, as
stopped and asked if there were any black
berry trees around his way,
81 judged so. I was stranger myself
wien fust kim here. That was in the sum-
mer of 40. Hottest Summer ever known in
these parts"
s'Any warmer than this ?" Iasked him.
s'Summut, summit That summer OF '49
the cedar trees melted and run right along
the ground you notice how red that ere dust
is!'' .
ssPretty warm" ventured.
''Why, sir durin' the summer of '49 we
kept meat right on the ice to keep it from
cookin' too fast, and we had to put chickens
in refringerators to get raw eggs"
'Where did you get the ice %
1--WE had it left over and kept it in b'ilin'
water! Yes, sir. The temperature of bill
in water was so much lower than. the tenn
perature of the atmosphere that it KEEP the ice
so cold THAT you could not touch it with youi
finger!" 90,
s'That summer of 40? Well, guess
The Hackensack river began to bile airly
in June, and we didn't see the sky until Octo.
Der, fer the steam in the air. And fish fish !!
They were droppin all over town cooked just
as you wanted 'em There wasn't anything
but fish until the river dried up!''
what did you have then 20
1.-The finest oysters and CLANS you ever
heard Of. They walked right ashore for water,
and they'd drink apple jack right out of the
demijohn! Yes sir. You call this hot
feel like an overcoat"
eWhat is your business % asked him.
81 am preacher" he replied. "By the
way you wanted blackberry trees. Just keep
up the thumb hand side of the road until you
come to the pig pasture, and there you lind
the trees. Climb upon my goose roost, and
you can knock down all the berries you want,
if you can find a pole long enough. ."-Brook-
Ign Eagle. .--,..--.....
RULES FOR RIDING.-In mounting, face
the near side of the horse. The near side is
the side nearest to yourself. If you stand on
the right side of the horse, which is the wrong
side, when you mount, you will face the
crupper. Then everybody will know that your
name is Johann Gottleb Ernsigefolger:
If you cannot mount from the ground, lead
the horse to high fence, climb up on the
fence, say 'swhoa'' two or three times,
kI~> Sc VnHl tryill
light somewhere on his neck, and will have
plenty of time to adjust yourself while the
horse is running away. Another method OF
mounting, largely practiced by young gentle
men from the city, is to balance yourself on
one leg on the fence, and point the other leg
at the horse in the general direction of the sad
die, saying.''whoa" all the time. ThehOrse, af-
ter this gesture has been repeated few times,
backs away, pulls the alleged rider OFT the
fence and walks up and down the lane with
him at rapid gallop This gives the rider in
week.
If by some miracle you manage to get IN
the saddle, hold on with both hands, and say
whoa" The faster the horse goes the tight
er you must hold on, and the louder you must
';holler"
If you are from New York or Philadelphia
you will shorten the stirups until your knees
are on level with your chin. Then as you
ride you will rise to your feet and stand in the
attitude of man peering over fence to look
for his dog, and then suddenly fall into the
saddle like man who has stepped on banana
peel This is the English school, 1t is
hard on the horse but considered very grace
ful. A man cannot wear false teeth, howey-
er and ride in this manner.-Burlington Haeok-
eye.
"What's the matter now ?" asked a fash
ionable Austin lady of her husband, who
seemed to be depressed.
''I'm feeling very badly. Pm afraid Pm
not long for this world" was the reply.
''Fiddle sticks.''
mo! Pm in earnest. 1t will not be long
before you will be walking to the graveyard
behind my coffin"
''That's just where you are fooling yourself.
I'll ride in carriage or else I'll not be in the
procession at all.'
Such heartlessness made him so mad that he
went to work and chopped up cord of wood,
and now he feels strong enough to run for al
most any Office in the gift of the people,
Tsras SJtings.
How HETALKED BACK TO H1M.-"DOt yos
mean man which went shoost now der door
oud," Said Nose to friend who had dropped
into his store.
'sWhy so ?" inquired the friend.
s'He inshult me NIT my own store"
s'Well, what did he say?'
s'He says dot bile uf bants nd make good
miluck sdrainers mid geese factory"
i ~