Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-09-24
THE BRIGHT SIDE.
PisasantrIss Psrpstratsd BY Pss-
nisg Parasraphsfs.
Our Weekly Collection Of the Coed THINGS
Other People Wdte-Psttr laresaies
to Which We Plead
Guilty.
FRs1.clAss AFI1R-DIHxta REAoIHs.

The euchre deck: The "two hearts
that heat" IL we are rightly iniormejs
are the right bower and nee.
A pointed remark: "Slow bat
shoe'r," wa. the advice that . black
smith gave to his apprentice
at Ia the roor peep, who give the
most money in churches, according %
gyman the other day.
"What h . pessimis, papa?" asked .
bright lad. "a pessimist, my son." re-
Piled the old man, sis oOe who would
lind fault with his seat in heaven, II
he ever gOt there."
"Do you buy your music by the
roil?" inquired . young lady Of the
deacOn's daughter. 'Oa, ~" she ~
piled, 81 always wait until sunday, AMI
lhen get il by tlse c!.o,r.''
No, slsrnainp: "Ye.,r said Brow1.
"pOor Johnsbury is sinking fast. His
mind II fast leaving him." "Nothius
very alarming u IT," remarked f0es,
"thst man should fse his uaind.'-
Boston Transcript.
Fast In physics: Soon AFTER Sir Henry
Rivers took. osicrs lie wAs told ny .
friend that he would undoubtedly s'-
come bishop. ''lDieSd," SIR Henry,
.why soS' sBeeause rivers invariably
90 to the sPas."-Quix
A practical Suggestion: 4 newspt-
per in Maine, In soliciting donations
iOr prison library, says: anyone
having copy Of 1istss Ajar ~ 'Hatas
Wide Oprn' will confer favor by send
Ing 1t 10 the librarian Of the prisStA
Definition: "What docs Sin uemor-
lam mean, pap asked BILLY. ''On,"
Said pa, behind hia newspaper, "its
nothing. It's something you write Oh
the tombstone Of man you are going
to forget In . eek."-Burlington
Hawkeye.
Mans privilege: The Post-odice
department has ruled that husband
has no control over the correspondence
OF his wife, but this decision will not
prevent man from carrying his wife's
letter I'm his inside cOst pocket three
weeks before mailing IL.
Vice versa: "You foolish boy" said
q mother upon discovering some india
ink pictures on her sons arm, don't
you know that they will remain there
Ms long rs you lives' "And will live
rs long as they remain thereT asked the
boy.-l'ostOn Transcript.
A point In physics: She wasa Cleve-
land lady, aud she stood watching .
boat laden with ice. "What Il that
boat laden with" "Icc," Was the ~
ply. ooh, my" she exclaimed Ia sur
prise, az the horrid stuff should melt,
the water would sink the boatW
Sporting item: What are YOU do
ing with the gum asked man who
saw an Irish boy In the suburbs Of
Austin. 81 am hunting doves" How
many have you killedw mot any,
bcjabbes. want to kill three or four
ut one shot, and can niver get more
than one Nv them together.-TexAs
Siftings.
A man Of knowledge: az swoww
exclaimed a bucolic voter AT the caucus,
"it leafs all what Squire Wircpulicr
knows! burn II he didn't tell me fust
minute come into the hall Jest who I
wanted to vote for, and didn't know
myself, nuthcr, and my mind amt
mOrc'n half made up Boston
Transcript.
a punctual darkcy: 4 colorcd porter
In Austin store asked the proprietor
for a days leave OF absence. "Whats
UP now" Oars niggah gwine ter git
married and ought ter be present ter
Sec him fru." "WhO IL this colorrd
man at whose wedding you have to In
present., 'Ise de niggah, bo~."-
Texas Siftings.
Attractions Of Egypt: "Maw,"
4 InI a al .IA,t.l,,
"maw, would like Ia spend q few
weeks IN Egypt" "why, my dear
girl" replied her mother, hwhat put
such silly idea I'm your headg" "weII,
the reason want 20 go IN because ths
fellahs In that vicinity.
The following mot II credited 10 ono
Of the recent Governors OF Maryland:
"What q remarkably ugly man Mr..
blank H." said he to a pretty and ten
der. hearted young lady. "Ah," re-
piled she, deprecstingly, "but he has .
face that grows on you" Hum" re
sponded the Governor, "G0d forbid that
II should ever grow on me-
Musical note: What makes you
ark such high price for tbis little
room?" asked KOsiusco Murphy Of -
Austin landlord. "WelI, there II .
young man next door who plays on The
ACCORDION. You don't expect 70 have
your innermost soul stirred up from the
bottom every evening and not psy any-
ding for II, do you? Hesings, too."--
Tex Siflings. -
Queer collections: Titles and au-
thOp Of songs ~ advertised: "The cry
of the Fcebleu Bacon: "Wheu your
hair was" Dank; "Sent 10 Heaven"
by Duggnn; "Wbo Knows" Jackson;
Awake my Tyre" Bennett; THE
name Of my love n" Abt; "O'er tho
bounding" Gibs0ne; 80 never call thy
heart" ROssi ~ would not be" Thiri;
go, chide me not for loving" Marriott.
Society I'm New MixIco: "How p
your son, who went TO New Mexico.
coming on?" asked GilhOOly Of Colonel
Yergcr, wbose son left Austin . year or
two ago for that Territory. "Vesy we'll,
indeed" WIS the reply ~ suppose he
has helped hang many q dsspersdor'
"On the contrary he N the only man In
New Mexico who never has anything
to do with hanging caiminals." "HoW
II that?" well, you zee, he h Q
Sheriff"-Tcxas Sifinga.
Let nature have iu courSe: "You
say that you were present when my soa
Was killed" said an Arkansaw gentle.
man 10 man who had Just arrived
from Colorado. "Yes, sir, was present."
'How did the fight occur-r "wel1,
you sce, your son and fellow gos Int
q dispute and the fellow struck your
son with q quart bottle Of whisky,
fracturing his skull and killing bin
instantly "Struck him with . b0ttle
Of whbky! Well, since the poor boy
bad 10 die, Tn glad hs died . natural
death. Tnvelef.
Keeping up his correspondence: An
Austin business man was cleaning ost
| bis de.k the other day and tearing ~
old letters, when the colosed p0rtes,
who was in the Office, spoke up sDd
said: "I36s+, gimme one Oh dem ~
tersr "whst do you want it fcefe
~ promised 10 write letter 70 NY ~
NANNY In Non Csr'lina, but - hasn't
Z T. n I'D n