The Portland daily press., 1882-03-29
Best Two Dollar Kid But Boots in towr
Dearborn's, 381 Congress street.


The following story is told of distineuished
Edinburgh professor: Desiring to go to church
one wet Sunday he hired cab. On reaching
the church door he rendered shilling-the
legal fare-to cabby, and was somewhat sur
prised to hear the cabman say, "Twa shillin',
SIR" The professor, fixing his eye upon the
extortioner, demanded why he charged two
shillings, upon which the cabman dryly an
swered, 1--WE wish to discourage travelling on
the Sawbath as much as possible, SIR"
Revitalizing the blood is absolutely neces-
sary for the cure of general debility, weakness,
lassitude, &c. The best enricher of the blood
is Browns Iron Bitters.
Hartford, which is largely in debt, is eating
Strawberries. .-Danbury News.
Where There's Will There's Way.
Anyone who has the will to try THOMAS Ec-
LEcTRIc On will surely find the way toroboust
health, in cases of bronchial affections, sore
throat, pains, etc., and as an internal remedy,
it is invaluable.
"Lapsus Lingua.". -Pater: "Now, look here.
my boy, can't have these late hours! When
was your age, my father wouldn't lett me stay
out after dark. Filius: "Humph! Nice sort
O. father you must have had, should say. T"
Pater (waxing): "Deuced sight better than
you have, you young" Checks himself, snd
exit!)-Punch.
Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
has rapidly made its way to favor among drug
gists, who have observed its effects on the
health of their customers. Send to Mrs. Ly-
dia E. Pinkham, 233 Western Avenue, Lynn,
Mass, for pamphlets.
Do you own the light running Domestic?
Buy at - Elm st.
When the editor of the Georgetown Record
saw by the dispatches that ten barrels of whis-
key had been washed away by the flood, he sat
right down and wrote column, headed:
"Heart Rending Disaster Texas Siftings.
Some heathen are not as much OF the heath
en- as we think; read a Mahometanhproveab,
"God has bestowed the good things OF this
world to relieve our necessities, not to reward
our virtues; these will be rewarded in another
world We know of no greater necessity to
be relieved, than a stubborn cold, and we know
of no better relief than DR.. Bulls Cough
Syrup.
The Poet Wilde's Unkissed Kisses are known
in America as "Oscarlation. Punch.
Baron Rothschild's naxims-Adapted to the
use of newspaper publishers. Consider well,
then decide positively-that you won't insert
the ad. unless paid for in advance. Endure tri-
ais patently-when you are paid for reporting
them Daily not with the wine in the cup, but
drink it while it fizzes. Lie not for any consid-
eration-less than twenty-five cents line, set
in nonparei type. Injure not anothers repta
tion-except in the way of business. Be care
full about making positive assertions-unless
you see your way to crawfsh out of them in
your next ISSUE Question not the veracity of
your contemporaries-exc in the matter OF
the circulation they claim. Zealously labor
for the right-if in accordance with the policy
of the party. Never accept presents-nor ad-
vertising agents due bills. Remember that
it's human to err-and that perhaps you forgot
to tell the foreman that it was to go next the
reading matter. Be original in all things-even
if you have to steal your originalJokes Texas
Siftings.