Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-02-08
SPICE AND ALlSPICE.

"T1h give you $40 or thirty days"
sc Well, I'll take the ST., squire."-
NeaO York Post.
A MAILED knight must have required
him through successfully.
Courier.
The horse has only four feet, but
when the blacksmith has fitted the
horses fore feet, there are two feet more
to be fitted.
A MAN running for Office in Texas was
detected drinking water, and was defeat
ed ythe biggest majority ever known in
the district.
"THE Unseen Hand" is the title of a
new book. Probably the other man
did't have anything better than pair of
treys, and didn't dare to call.-Bo8ton
Post.
A CAT, when pursued by ferocious
dog, may not be feeling as well as
usual, but, nevertheless, she presented
fur-straight appearance. - Yacob
Strauss.
HE steamship Neckar brought over
eight giraffes, three of which died on the
way. A sea-sick giraffe has to throw
his victuals long way up.-COWrier-
Journal.
A LITTLE Harlem girl startled her pa
rents last Sunday by stating that she
had just been discussing with neigh
boris young man the Parable of the
Probable Son."
A PRIEST once asked a condemned
criminal in Paris Jail, "What kind of
conscience have you ?" It's as good
as new" replied the prisoner; "for
have never used it.
SAID the leader of the train robbers
as he boarded the palace car: "Don't
disturb the passengers, but seize the
porter; he's got all the money in the
crowd by this time
"THE only difference between an ex-
vice president and a lost polar ship is
that the hunting is all after the ship.
No one ever tries to find the vice presi-
dent.-DetrOit Free Press.
BENEVOLENT When I dine with
Mathieu," said Taupin yesterday, 81
never miss saying, on my arrival, that [
have no appetite. Not that eat any
less afterward, but it causes him happy
moment. lie Figaro.
1T is all very well to admire a pretty
girl il a sealskiu sacque, but when one
of these charmingly attired and attrac-
tive appearing demoiselles is heard to
blurt out, as we heard in Tiffanys the
other day: sob, ma amt them terra
frma ornaments just lovely" our faith
is shattered. Com. AdU.
BUSINESS is business: doctor"
asked Brown, "why don't you put Fen
derson on close diet +? Don't you think
it would be benefit to him? ?" Gun
doubtedly," replied the doctor; " but it
would be no benefit to me- I might
lose patient" he added, Sc prefer to
lose him in the regular way"
A LITTLE girl was presented with
Canary on Sunday, and after bestowing
the gift, her uncle said, well, Efiie, I
suppose your bird will sing only hymns
to-day?" 81 know he will," said the
demure little miss, who had recently
been reading about song birds and their
habits. SO What makes you 80 sure of
it?" curiously asked the giver "Cause
it's him Bird" was the naive reply
Hackeasack Republican.
A 1ovABLE man: Jones was an Old
bachelor whose temper was not the
sweetest, and who did not like to be
questioned. The other evening, just as
supper was ready, he went out and kept
it waiting half an hour. When he came
back, the landlady said sharply: "Well,
Mr.. Jones, why did you go out just pre-
viously to supper in that way?" s'Be-
cause, madame" he answered, 81
couldn't go out just previously after
supper in that way" The landlady
closed her mouth for repairs.
A GENTLEMAN of Port Jervis, n. Y,
has family of three or four girls. Not
long since the children were talking
a pair of twins. One of them, an elder
s.Papa, what do they call it when three
was much interestedin the conv ersation,
and who had heard talk about the small
pox, at once interrupted and said with
"Well, what do they call it?'' said the
father. ''An epidemic" said the little
one, proudly displaying her knowledge.
edo you believe in Bronson Alcott's
theory Of aesthetic eating?" asked Bos-
ton lady of her Chicago admirer. 81
don't know what Bronson Alcott's theory
of aesthetic eating is" he answered,
"but when I'm hungry brace of NUT
ton chops, some porterhouse steak,
dozen or two buckwheat cakes, four soft
boiled eggs and plate of hash make a
meal that is aesthetic enough for me. ;"
eyes, yes, but you don't understand
me, "impatiently added his fair interrog-
ator; sc Mr. Alcott's theory has reference
to persons, not to pigs. ''-Brooklyn
Eagle.
How beautiful is the exhibition of hu-
manity in the young. A little boy found
poor, half-frozen wasp in the garnet
and placed it upon chair before the
parlorfire to thaw out. Surely the angels
must have looked nown approvingly on
such an act of kindness. When sister
Mary's beau called that evening he
glanced at the chair, and sealing himself
in it .murmured: "Ah, bless her heart,
4 L e.. e..