Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-07-01
WIT AND WISDOM.
A TERRIBLE tale-That comets.

A TERRIBLE tale-That comets.
The meanest woman in Iowa lives In
this town. A few nights since, when
her daughters best beau was in the
parlor, the old lady entered with set
ting of eggs, and asked him to hatch
them for her. .-lndi0nola Tribune.
DoN'T say a mean thing about any
man, and it may possibly happen that
some time some one may be able truth
fully to say a kind thing about you.
The experiment is worth trying for its
novelty.
The English sparrow continues to be
our most charming song bird. When
he isn't fighting or quarrelling of other
birds his chirp is as musical as the
squeak of pantry door.-NeU Haven
Register.
| In New York there are stores where
worms are sold for fishing bait. That
is nothing. There are stores here
where fish is sold, so that a man need
not trouble himself with worms and wet
feet.
Two OR three editors of Wisconsin
paper were discharged because the chief
editors wife didn't like them, which in
duces the Courier-Journai to opine that
the ladies of Wisconsin are getting
along well without the ballot.
JUDGE ToUReEE says the live men
are always to be found in front. In
funeral professions, down here in Tex
as, we have noticed that the remains
were in front, and the live men came
struggling along behind. d.-Teras Sift-
ingS.
FRAME house was being moved
along the street in Cummingsville, the
other day, and drunken fellow got in,
under the impression that it was street
car. Every man on the job woke him
up and collected fare of him.-Cinctn-
natl Saturday Night.
An Austin man started in the livery
stable business last week, and the first
thing he did was to have big sign
painted, representing himself holding O
mule by the bride els this q good
likeness of me?" he asked of an admir-
ing friend. eyes, it is q perfect picture
OF you, but who is the fellow holding you
by the bride. "-7eras Siftings.
WELL, my little girl" said New
Haven gentleman to a friends preco-
ciousest, "aren't you going to sing
for me p "No, sir, I'm not singer"
Now, / thought you were little
singer" "Oh, no. 1 only sing to my
dolly" "But Ill be your dolly"
You're too big. l guess sister Jen-
ME wouldn't mind if You were hers.
She said you was 'just splendid.
Sudden rattling of the dishes in the
back room where Jennie was busy.
Punch gives the following receipt for
an Irish stew: "Take one large Irish
agitation; add one part of conciliation
butter to three of coercion powder. Stir
gently. Then take one radical land
act, one peace preservation, mix well
and stir briskly with wooden Irish Sec
retary spoon till it boils. Flavor with
Kilmainham treaty relish, new Brum-
magen sauce, Dillon pickle, and serve
quickly. Thus made, the dish will re-
main hot for any reasonable time"
ONE of Professor Blackie's stories
illustrates very well the extraordinary
strictnsss with which "the Sabbath" is
still observed in parts of Scotland. A
young man going to church one Sunday
with an old gentleman in Skye ventured
to remark, after they had walked some
miles in silence, that it was ''a beautiful
day." "Yes, indeed, young man." an
swered his companion; ''it is a very
beautiful day; but is this a day to be
talking about days? p
A GUEST at public dining room the
other day objected to the bill of forty
five cents presented to him at the desk,
protesting that for single slice of toast
that price was outrageous. The cap
tain informed him that he was reported
by the waiter to have had spring chicken
on toast. After some hesitation he paid
the bill, remarking that he would not
dispute with the waiter, but if there
was a spring chicken on that piece OF
toast, it was so small that he had not
noticed it.
FATHER" said the young man, as
he leaned on his hoe, "they say the
balance of trade is agin us. "They
do, ELI 2" "And that our bank re-
serves are rapidly diminishing" "Du
tell !" "And that railroad extension
has come to a halt" "Well, swan |! !"
"And that the volume of securities
is substantially without market.
"Great snakes And do they say any
thing about feller stopping to lean on
his hoe to talk when he might just as
well talk and hoe, too !" Reuben spit
on his hands and resumed. WdU
Street NeWS.
THE Northern Central Railroad off,
cials had commenced examining en-
ployees of the road to ascertain whether
or not they were color-blind or deaf,
and thus fit or unfit for service. An
official approached one of the local en-
ployees with: "Now, Blank, take the
cotton out of your ears and listen Can
you hear this watch tick where | now
hold it ?" Blank Cooked his ear pro-
fessionally," and didn't hesitate mo-
ment in assuring the official that he
could "hear that watch tick as easy as
to hear the blows of trip-hammer.
"Look here, Blank" said the official
assuming a more serious air, 81 WASN'T
examining your capacity to tell the
truth, but your hearing; or it might go
hard with you. This watch is broken
and hasn't ticked for ten years. "-E1-
mira AdUertiSer.
MATCHING A LAWYER.
A lawyer quite famous for making bill,
And who in good living delighted,
To dinner one day, with hearty good VIII,
Was by rich client invited.