Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-01-18
TABLE GOSSIP.

The intellectually of New York feeds
On the 100 volumes in the III city
libraries.
When q man is about to be told
secret he shuts the door. When it is
woman she opens the door to be sure no
one is listening outside.
Patrick comes To the mOrgue to claim
lost relative. "Has he any pecullarl-
" by which he can he recognized"
"I,s, he is dumb
\ young man who went West some
wears ago Is now an undertaken III
populoriS Western city. He is under
taking a SO week living on u s. q week
salary.
Host. Now, that wine cost me Il
guinea bottle nearly twenty years ago.
Now, apart from the prime cost, look nj
what the yearly interest on 1t SOmeS To.
Guest: well, lets have another bot
tie. and get rid of she interest on that,
nj all events. "-FiHHUg Folks.
Anew page of history has unfolded
itself. The Congressman from Cali
fOTnia wants to make the anniversary
Of the discoverery of America by
Columbus a legal holiday. We might
done. but II We take up discoveries
where shall we end?
For the new primer: Here i an
other young man. What has the
Young man in his hand" The young
man has in his hand a marriage liccnca.
Has the young man plenty OF money:
No the Young man has NOT plenty oil
money. What will the Young man ito?
lie will board with his moiher-in-law.
Ffigy Sargent, whom II i believed
President Arthur VIII max" secretary
Of the Interior, deems polygamy sacred:
The .S,gl SAYS that il General Garfield
had lived the aspirations OF such man
for the Cabinet would have been a. in
ell ctual ~ the longing % Satant" enter
Heaven.
Some fellow has discovered that the
coolest place on earth is NcrEOyanSk,
i'm ~ib, RIA: but for double concentrated
ArCticu,sS hc should drop in Il New
NorN Fifth aVcnUe mansion about an
hour after the arrival of an unia 'hioaa-
Elc country cousin and his wife and four
chil;ircu.--N OyrjSfO'rH H"fUd,
and ~ gave up searching for him,
for il wa~ = hopeless a. looking for u
needle in Il bundle of hay Then you
shouldn't have, for there l. nothing
easier "No;hiu" easier than what"
Than finding needle in a nlnch OF
hay" Nonsense, How 10 You find
IL '.~.- down Oh the bundle of hay"
In recent suit before aJustice in this
city a lady reluctantly testified that she
thought that another Newark lady
might be a good enough neighbOr il she
lived in a locality where the houses
were TWENTY-FIVE miles apart and was
80 crippled that she couldn't come over
20 gossip or borrow NcJrdrk can.
As a general thing I am opposed to
hanging, but whenever ii shall be found
10 he necessary for the preservation OF
society there is no more reason why
vou should not do it than that you
should not pick up weed. Society
will be better for it, and the culprit no
worse or by being sent on. Send him
on.-BCCch'r.
The Christian dayilieS i'm Philadel-
phia Ofthr Hard-,hell Baptist persuasion
are i'm trouble over two duSky maidens
who strayed away to an uptown social
party, recently, and participated in the
giddy whirl of the dance. They await
a Church taril, and all religious dark Ky
dom i'm Philadelphia is on the qui Vlve
Of expectation.
A Bremen steamship recently brought
to New York for Mr.. FOrcpaugh'S circus,
five elephants, eight double bumped
brown camelS, one white camel, one
white llama, Il zebra, u white yak, an
aut-bear, a mountain antelope, twenty
monkeys, twenty cockatoOs, fifteen large
snakes, including three boa constructors,
a largc hurnbill, an ostrich and an emu.
Eight girafltS, ten elephants and
hipDOpOtamIe will be brought III an
other steamship.
Bishop Thorald, of Rochester, Eng,
in n recent charge to his clergy after
describing the magnificent claims, con-
summate organization, sonorols authOr-
ity, grand traditions OF the Church OF
Rome, said, "DO not deSpise her, ior
nothing serves her purpose so well. DO
not mouth ut her; she Is worth all the
reasoning we can find. Single souls,
and beautiful, still go out from us TO her
and seldom come back. EXaggefatloh
and ignorance. u spurious hOerallsm
and petulant bigotry equally play her
game and fill her ranks
In 1922 Thomas Moore, on sending
pOCket-bOOk to his mother, wrote the
following lines, which we need not
doubt expressed his feelings al the time:
They telluS Of an Indian tree,
Which. hOwSe'tT the sun and sky
MAY tempt its bougnS 10 wander free,
And shoot and blossom, wide and hiSh,
Fur better owes To- bend Its arms
Downward agaiu 10 that dear earth
From which the life that nils anu warns
Its graceful being trSt had birth.
It's Tins. through wood by tlattering friends,
And fed with fame III fame II BE-,
This heart my own dear mother, bends,
With loves true instinct, back TO thee!
There has of late years been a great
enioration from Germany 10 England,
and il is estimated that there are lOO,-
OOA adult Germans in London alone:
I'm The German Colony in London,
by Dorgeel, inst published he says that,
among the lower classes in great towns;
i'm England the Germans = the best
hated man of the times. The eXceed-
ing thrift i'm which they have been bred
enables Germans to live in comfort, ac-
cordinr TO their ideas of it, where the
English wOrkmen would be in misery.
This also applies to the clerk class, who
comes to large English cities exception
ally well educated, and are willing TO
work. and work well for the very low
est rate of pay.
o,,oaro-ra noACT