River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-11-30
HUMOROUS.

EPrrAPH for the spring lamb-Peas to
his hashes.
WHAT religion is most prevalent in
spring? Buddhism.
STRANGE, but Columbus had his egg
sit before he passed from the stage.
A woMAN's heart is small affair, but
It can upset the biggest man that ever
adorned this world.
A MAN who has mulatto servant girl
named Ella, calls her umber-Ella. We
don't Sienna fun in that.
THE moonshiners" are about the
only persons who have succeeded in
keeping secret still.
81 SEE in the papers that the Chinese
must go. will bet 81 that the Chinese
don't go better than 2:10."- Maud S.
WIEN light haired mans locks be-
gin to t1rn gray he's getting on to 30
When they begin to turn black he's get
ting on to go.
A NEW boom IN Confederate bonds
has commenced in the South, caused, it
is said, by fresh orders from Germany.
The orders must be very fresh.
81 WANT a little change" said Mrs
3. to her husband. Well, was lie
heartless response, "just wait for it.
Time brings change to everybody"
AT THE PARTY.
I" VIII you dance at our dauce?" He said, "Dance,
Like to darce with dancer whose dancing is true;
For you dance az dancer should dance, and you
knew
could dance with no dancer that dances like you.n
'LooK there" said an indignant Aus
tin tenant to his landlord, "there is a
cat in the cistern of that house you
rented to me-" "Is it dead?" 1T
looks like it." " Then it will not dis
turb you any at night, so | will have to
raise your rent s. ON that account"
CHARLES BANNIsrER, that inveterate
punster, coming into coffee-room one
stormy night, said, He never saw such
q wind in his llfe." "Saw wind" re-
Piled friend, Sc never heard of such a
thing as seeing a wind; pray, what was
it like?" Like ?" answered Charles -
like to have blown my hat off. :"
A SOUTH END man has recently OBJ
tanned wife under false pretenses.
Finding that as a decent, we'll behaved
young man she wouldn't notice him, he
contrived to make her believe he was
really tough case, and she at once mar
ried him to reform him. Women are
curious creatures. Boston Post.
CoMISe events, etc. North-country
magnate Ito tenant farmer)--" Well,
Mr.. Cluff, so we're going to have an
election. How do you-hum what do
you-think about it ?" Farmer (warily)
think about it, sir? Whaay, /
think / shall be shakkin' hands wi
some greeat foalks vary shortly -
Punch.
A CORRESPONDENT writes to ask why
the money collected for the Pope is
called Peters pence. We have no idea,
unless it is because Peter didn't have
any. We should think, however, the
question of expenses would have made
him very pensive. Peter should be APP
pointed patron saint of editors. He said:
'.Silver and gold have none," and he
wasn't joking about it either.-zeras
SIftings.
THE NEW sc sALESLADY."
She spread the goods before him,
With haf-averted eyes
Their quality and value
Extoling to the skies.
That yoice-O how bewitching!
Those hands-how soft and whitel
Those eyes-how fascinating!
That face-ho fair sight!
The goods are very pretty
No doubt what they appear;
But then, think, he added,
ssYou are little dear"
With cheeks suffused with bushes,
She turned her head away,
And innocenty answered:
''That's what the fellers sayi"
-NeW York Ne'cs
A GENTLEMAN in this city was going
out with little nephew and his baby
sister, Grace, when he hesitated and re-
marked that be thought it was going to
rain. Little George did not like this,
and said he would bet that it wouldn't
rain. How much will you bet?"
asked his uncle. Well" said George,
thinking moment, "I'll bet 25 cents. !"
.Put up your money" said his uncle.
But at this moment baby Grace discov-
cred several drops of rain, and drawing
attention to them said gravely: 81 fink
90 better put up 90 umbellar. Detroit
Post
ARE you fond of dogs ?" "Not
verv,'' said the tramp "Would you
mind holding this one for me for ew
minutes ?" It'll cost yer 10 cents. !"
sAll right, said the man, delivering up
the animal, that inspected its new Gus
todian with an ominous movement of the
muscles of the jaw. When the owner
returned, he encountered the tramp run
ming round the corner and exhibiting
symptoms of considerable agitation.
Where's the dog?" he inquired. "a
policeman's got him." :. Why didn't
YOU hold on to him ?" :" couldn't get a
chance he was too busy holdin' on to
me-"
IT is asserted that in the three years
ended in 1880 there were no fewer
than 252 thea:ers destroyed by fire, or
4 o-n do..Al,s. and