New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-06-21

Vno an. - :. I,nyslclan,' the coroner
must be called in. If a man dies regu-
larly, after being treated by 3 doctor,
everybody knows why he died, and the
coroner's inquestsis not necessary.
A young lady who graduated from q
high school last July is teaching school
up in New Hampshire. A bashfnl young
gentleman visited the school the other
day, and was asked by the teacher to
say a few words to the pupils. This
was his speech: SCHOLARS, l hope you
will always love your teacher and your
school as much as / do" Tableau-
giggling boys and girls and a blushing
schoolma' am.
| Census-Taker: "Hoo mony sleepers
were here last night?'' Buyom Young
Woman: ''Sleepers! There was nae
sleepers ava. Ma wee bri,her had the
toothache, an he greeted a. NIGHT, an
no o us got a wink O sleep the hale
time"
A young lady, who is learning to play
on the piano, wrote the following note
to her music teacher a few days ago:
''Dear Mrs -, wish to be Reused from
| 4Hheu II LcSSou uuti u w csth from q
Days as we will Be Co Buizzy and
won't have Time 2 Praktess."
A little fellow, four years old, went to
q blacksmith's to see his fathers horse
shod, and was watching closely the
work of shooting. When the blacksmith
began pairing the ho:se's hoofs, the boy,
thinking this was wrong, said earnest
| ly, .'My pa don't want his horse made
any smaller"
A Sunday school teacher asked:
''What bird IS large enough to carry off
a manp' Nobody knew; But one little
girl suggested "a lark And then she
explained: ''Namma said papa wouldn't
be home until Monday, because he had
gone Off on a lark
'.My brethren, - said western minis
ter, s'the preaching of the gospel to
some people is like pouring water over
a sponge-it soaks in and stays. 10
others tits like the wind blowing through
a chickcn-coop. My experience of this
congregation is that it contains more
chicken-coops than sponges.'
A gentleman somewhat advanced in
life, and who was never remarkable for
| LID SOou 1oOhos ttohCl Ills SlduIlCulAl
what he thought of him. The boys pa
rents were present. The youngster
made no reply. swell, why won't you
tell me what you think of him?" Cause
1 don't want to get licked,'' was the an
swer:
A Florida Indian, having bought q
sewing-machine and watched it's work
.ings carefully, kicked his wife out of
doors with the remark, ''Need squaw
no nlorer' A civilized white man feels
more like kicking the sewing machine
agent out of doors.
A far Western man was very anxious
to see the capital of the United States,
lounge around Washington hotels and
90 to the theatres, but he had not cent
to his name. So he daubed himself all
| up with paint, dressed in blanket and
| noccasins, yelled like an Indian, took a
few scalps, and in one week was on his
way to the capital in palace car to
have pow-wow with the White Father.
At whale exhibition, youngster
asked his mamma if the whale that
swallowed Jonah had as large mouth
as the one before them why didn' Jonah
walk out at one corner. ''You must
think Jonah was fool; he didn't want
to walk out and get drowned" was the
quick reply of a younger brother, be-
fore the mother could answer.
Percy, eight years old, just getting
over the measles, was sitting UP in bed
and taking breakfast from tray on his
lap, which needed to be levelled up. His
father suggested that book be used for
the purpose, whereupon the promising
youngster quickly replied: Eyes. give
us Elijah, the Tishbite,'" placing the
accent on the last syllable.
Two churchmen were deploring the
spread of agnosticism, when one OF
them asked the other if he had ever
known an instance of truly religious
man who had gone over to the heretics.
eyes," was the answer, II knew of a
pious Brooklyn shoemaker who rejected
Christianity because it encouraged a be-
lief in the Immortality of soles." His
friend paid for the drinks.
A country schoolmaster had two pu-
pills, TO one of whom he was partial and
to the other severe. One morning it
happened that these two boys were late,
and were called up to account for it.
''You must have heard the bell, boys;
why did you not come?'' .'Please, sir, -
said the favorite, II was dreaming that
I was going to Margate, and thought
the school bell was the steamboat bell. -
'Very WE'LL" said the master, glad OF
any pretext to excuse his favorite. "And
now, sir" turning to the other boy,
''what have you to say?'' ''Please, sir, -
said the puzzled boy, IL was waiting
to see Tom off,
Hercules Among the stumps.
While travelling in Michigan we met
Mr.. John Carpenter, with an ordinary
splint market basket upon his arm in
which were his cartridges, like long yel'
low colored thick candles about an inch
and half in diameter about dozen in
number, and coil of fuse that looked
like piece of thin twisted wire cord
He had box of gun caps also which
fitted upon the end of the fuse. At q
distance was man who seemed to DO
poking around the stumps with spade,
and who had what appeared to be a
straight iron crowhar with a chisel-
shaped point and broad head on the
other head, After examiningthe stump
and deciding upon the right place for
| the charge to be placed, he sunk this
down. far into the ground, and then drove
it as deep as he thought necessary in a