Connecticut western news., 1882-05-10
WIT AND WISDOM.

AMONG the recognized small vices are Vice Presidents.
 THE time for young people to spoon in earnest is when the ice cream season sets in.
 A NEW YORK engraver recently made this mistake: "Mr. and Mrs. respectfully request your presents at the marriage of their daughter"
 "Do FISHES make sounds ?" asks Monmouth girl. Why certainly, and they are shipped to the interior to clarify cider.-Burlingto Ha,Okeye.
 BAsHFUL lover to his belle-'+Would that had three kilograms of dyna- mite" Belle - "Why ?" Bashful lover-"To break the ice between us."
 THE Louisville Courier-Jouy7sali insin- uates that if truth lies at the bottom of the we'll, some one has stolen the pump. Nonsense, old fellow, you didn't know how to work it.
 AN Oregon man fell on the icy side- walk and broke his nose, and when he came to sue for damages the jury held that his looks had been improved 30 per cent. He therefore got nothing Detroit Free Press.
 THERE are more than seven millions of farmers in these United States, and only twelve in the present House of Representatives A little more hay seed and little less Blackstone would decidedly improve the tone of that body. -Peoria TIaascript. ..,t.
 THANK kind Providence for the decorated banjo craze. Alter banjo is decorated, it cannot be played on
 without spelling the pictures. Now,
 won't some good angel start mania for decorating accordeons ?-Philadet
 phia Ne,cS.
 THE small minded swindler arrested
 for stealing railroad passes deserves the
 severest condemnation. If he had sim-
 ply stolen the railroad itself he might
 have become on honored and respected
 member of the Wall Street Board of
 Brokers. -PhiIadel ll,hia Record.
 THE printer was setting up poem,
 and when he came to ''Why should base
 fiends," etc., he inserted "ball" after
 "base." He was spectator at base
 ball match the day before and nearly
 had his left ear amputated by hot
 bali-hence the henceness of his adding
 the word. -NorristoaOn Herald. THERE is a story told of very con- sequential head waiter who, observing , man tie his napkin around his neck
 preparatory to commencing his meal, went up to him and said: "You have made mistake, sir; this isn't barber l shop" It was very good rebuke, but
 it cost the head waiter hIs situation. A KIND-HEARTED woman moved to 3 pity at the spectacle of @ poor man 2 asking for aims before her door, rushes a out to him with some cold victuals Madame" he replies, haughtily, let 9 ting them fall on the pavement whicf she had just swept. ''do not insult my , manhood I may be begear, but am not in want p
 . QUITE TOO FARFUL-Aberdonian mis
 tress "Far is't ye come frae, Fanny ? Servant "Farfar." Mistress: "Fal : far Hoo far, and far is't2 ?" Servant "Farfar, say, no far far I migcht say . far far, for I'm faur far-er ava frae' . than I fancy" Mistress ''Farfar ,t Far far Faur far-er? Oh, I see For far r
 A FEW days ago 8 child gave expres ]. sion to an old story in the following }. manner: It seems that the little fellow ,- had discovered bee crawling upon hi O hand. Finally the bee stopped for ). moment, and after remaining stationar! e for an instant, stung the little fellow
 When the cry of pain was over, the chll'
 said to his mamma that he didn't car
 for the bees walking about on him
 tut he didn't like his sitting down ol h him.-Daytora Journal.
 WHEN John Russell Young was man IS aging editor of the paper 'founded b es Horace Greeley" compositor, wh es had set up some of Young's copy in le particularly slovenly manner, receive Id a note from the future Minister t st China, stating that blacksmiths in Kan m sas were receiving dollar and fit Id cents per day, and he advised the typ e. to go West. Not in the least dauntec 8, the compositor replied to MT. Youn s, informing him that good night-school Of were then in session, and gave the locf er tion of the one nearest to J. R. r.. al residence.