The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1882-08-03
VIII Y HE MOURN LID. {
The Bottom Facts Of the Funeral
TOnchinxly Told,

The Bottom Facts Of the Funeral
Tunchingly Told.
If you've got the time I'd like to have
YOU write little something about the
deceased said tue little man quietly,
something pretty mourntul, if you
please"
"Who is dead?" inquired the nanag-
ing editor. dipping his pen IN sthe ink?
pot "Friend otyours''E ! II i
"Well, yes,' replied tue little man,
leaning over the table "She was my
wife. Her wings sprouted Yesterday and
we tnrted her over this p. Ii. She was a
very superior article of remains, and |
thought Ia have YOU, speak good word
for her TO the. public, with something
about other papers copying it at the bot
tom"
"Where was the planto' asked the edi~
tor, scratching his bead turappropriately
melancholy ideas.
Owe Set her out Ap in Cypress iiilIs,'
replied the lnotlrner, Wiping his eyes.
I'VE had Il ten dollar discourse and ii
forty dollar funeral. lou might speak
Of the rasktt. That cost fifteen dollars
alone, and there mnst have been eiyh.
Or nine dollars worth of flowers and
shrubs, and one thing or auOther"
.! might say she was popular and gen
orally beloved by all who knew her in
~" You Ia bet! And haiti ls FINAL make her Sis
ter mad. You may say she was the
handsomest woman in her 20
lice precinct and that there were four
carriages chotk full. fyou want nicas
piece of descriptive, YOU might add that,
| rode on the hearSe with the driver' =.
"An atectionate wife and loving
nlOther?' limited the editor ~
SWELL" coughed the little lu;in, Il
you've got plenty of time and room.
Perhaps you'd better pay more atten-
ton to the handles Ut the casket. IAfa
show 'em to you. Genuine plate!' and
he drew them from his pocket The
screws were all silver headed but theys
thought I'd better leave them" &
WAS she prominent in any OF the
charitable rarkets? Much in the SUM-
day school business" asked the e,ltss
or.
"les, some. She belonged to gross
or two of old sWomhn'sf homes and Il
couple O dozenof childfen's temperance
societies, but that didn' cut much figure
at the funeral. You might speak OF the
number present and say that SEVERAL
friends Of the remains were jalnmed.
about a good deal trying to get sight at
her. We showed her at the house and
at the grave, and though say it nlyself;;Ss
[ think"the coffin plate was generally al
mired."
Then she was q worthy, Christian WON
an, charitable and kindlyss
disposed, and departed sincerely
nourned by large circle Of friends?' -
"Oh, yes!' sighed the bereayed. e,
don't see any objection to that. Yo,iss
might follow it up by remarking that hers
prostra ted husband gave her as good D.
send of as any woman in that ward eve E
had. The maidstone comes to SIS, andp,,
lost ten to my brother-in-]aw betting
that the hearse could beat the mourner "a
carriage to the first tollgate on the old:
road comming home I'd like 10 have
it known that did the fair thing, though;
l don't care to look like WAS blowing
about the expense
Did she leave an, .hldrt1l'''
Eyes, oh, yes! she left lem. Theyt
went with her as far :t> the grave. 1t
stood HE in ST to tiet them out with
grief for the occasion. But | don't be-
grudge it. Whe n spend money | cal
culate to get the worth out Of it, and no.
body hears me complain. paid SIS for
he clothes she was shoveled under in."
Did she leave any property"
"A couple Of houses and lots, but you
needn't mention them. Just speak Of it
as the social event Ofthe season in fl1ner-
al circles; il which no expense was
sparedsto MAKE: it ii: gratifying success,
and you'll hit it about even ( The neigh.
b0rsI are all Watching tor t1,t. paper, and
you'll make Il httle something out
Of the sales if you do the right thing.
You might say in to-day's paper that the
notice will appear ton morrow, SO as to
advertise tia litle,,n',::an,l tie lnostratet
husband put OH liishat ana tuttoned bis
coat.
And the managing editor wrote sim.
pile, touching tribute to the memory OF
the woman whose qualities were buried
under her funeral bills; and the pros
trated hus band showed it around, ex-
planning that: he. couldn't imagine how
the paper got hold Of the tact unless it
was that reporter was present disguised
as one of ''thefffiends. Of the remains. y: