River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-08-10
NUMEROUS.

Some of the manuscript offered to
printers is so bad that it ought first to
be sent to the house of correction, with
its author-PicaylsRe.
The country has over twelve tnous-
and bicycles, and you're mighty safe,
young man, in taking the daughter OF
a court plaster maker for an heiress.
The children of Queen Victoria stand
in great awe OF their mother. They
have not forgotten that she used to
wear thick soled slippers.
1t was clever girl who, when her
lover, who was too bashful to "speak
out asked her what ne should do, re-
piled: "Do write, and fear not"
In the new arithmetic one reads: "In
one lot their are four calves, and in
another two young mon with their hair
banged. How many calves in ALP
"Ain't that lovely critter, John?'
SAID Jerusha, as they stopped opposite
the leopard's cage "Waal, yes," said
John, "but he's dreffully freckled, amt
her"
Some scientist now observes that
even the clam has parasites. He would
have observed as much before if he
had ever noticed the crowd around
free chowder.
We saw young man going zig-zag
up the street the other day, singing,
"Money is hard thing to borrow" A
wag exclaimed, "Yes, and tight thing
to pay back"
"What are your views OF Europe.
my dear sirf" patronizingly queried
the ubiquitous notebook mauler, as he
poised his ready pencil. mostly
stereoscopic," was the curt reply of the
travel stained senator.
you see man with a new lake on
one shoulder new hoe on the other,
and a spade under his arm, you may
know he lives in the suburbs and is GO
ing into the work of raising his own
onions at cost of fifty cents apiece.
1t is all very well for health journals
to tell people who are restless and una
BILE to sleep at night to place the head
of their bead toward the north, but il
does no good unless you take the baby
to the other end of the house and
place his head toward the south.
A western farmer advertises: 1.-TWO
COWS lost, one of them bull"
More terrible than big guns; England
should have supplied the Egyptians
with toy pistols.
'Don't put in no muskeeter nettin'
for me" said Aunt Hannah. II don't
want to breathe no strained air."
Mrs. Siddons and the older school of
actresses were very poor and lived
| plainly-at least the London papers of
that time make no mention OF her los
ing her diamonds"
Miss Walnut Street, of Philadelphia,
turns up her nose at Miss Michigan. of
Chicago, at Cape May, because the
latter says the former is stuck up.
Dear me-" lazily says the Quaker City
maiden, chat western girls feet are
like the hand of Providence-they COW
Ell everything"
"Oh, Harold, said she, as she chung
closer to his arm, " now very quiet and
restful the sea seems to be this even
ing" Just as | would like a wife to
be-" was the response. And would
you, as husband, be quiet, restful
complement If such wife? ?" He
thought he could, and the launch into
the sea of matrimonial difficulties was
thus quietly made There's sure to be
gale, however.
Seance--Spirit of Thomas Jefferson
present. Question: y ell, Thomas,
how have you been resting since you
left us?' jefferson: Pretty well, thank
you. But did turn over on my
grave once" Question: "Why, when
was that, Thomas?" Jefferson: at
was when the Louisville newspapers
began to put Hon before the name of
a police court Judge"
A clergyman of this city was met
last week by woman who has little
reverence for the cloth. "Teil me-"
esid she, with benignant smile, which
did not, however, disguise the acidity
of her question, why do you clUso youi
church in the summer? Do not your
parishioners require to be protected
| from the evil one in the warm weather
as we'll as in the cold ?" "Oh, bless
your soul, no." was the prompt re-
spouse, "the devil never stays in town
in July and August; he follows the rest
of the world to the watering places"