The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-06-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

A famous Tace-nOTSe Is AAueu Ais
tie Brown Jug" He is always full OF
spirit.
A maiden wants to know how to avoid
having a mustache come on her upper
lip. Eat onions, daughter.
A bald-headed mans idea of heaven is
place where burlesque opera peform-
ances will go on without end.
the bell, Mary?'' Mary-"Faith. mum,
didn't We tell me ye had ringing ma
chine?"
We are told that "Nrs. Frances Hodg-
sor Burnett is more fond of her boys
than of her books; Lots of her sex
prefer boys to books.
A boy who was kept after school
for bad photography excused himself to
his parents by saying he was spell
bound.
you don't seem TO relish wit this
morning." said a would-be wag to Foote
"You haven't tried me yet, was the
cruel reply.
There never was a law in New Eng
land forbidding man to kiss his wife
on Sunday. 1t probably never was need
ed.
Fashion at picnic demands that q
girl shall get wet sooner than to hoist
an umbrella that does not match her
suit.
The old proverb, The better the day
the better the deed doesn't apply to an
instrument converting real estate drawn
up on Sunday.--tosto,s Globe.
Young man, Aon't marry "gilded
butterfly Marry good-looking girl.
The butter will fly fast enough when you
get to housekeeping.
What is more disgusting to the sight
than young woman in a state of in
toxication ?-C Country Editor. Two of
'em, of course. Nothing easier; come
again!
Woman says Mrs. Eastman. sis a
problem" So she is; and though a
problem we can never hope to solve, it
is one we shall never, never be willing
to give up.
sYou are as full Of airs as music
box" is what young man said to
girl who refused to lei him see her home.
THAT may be-" was the reply, "but l
don't 60 with crank.
What is the national fishery ques-
tion?" pompously exclaimed an orator;
and squeaking voice in the audience
responded, cit is, Have you got a
bite?''
Don't you believe in a future life, in
which we shall renew the ties that bind
US together here" II do" said the hem
pecked husband sadly, ''but don't want
to-
A witty lady, who is, however, some
what given to exaggeration, was trying
to tell friend what poor appetite she
had, and said: Il eat very little; flea
| would be barbecue for me-
A western young man aged 10 has
| eloped with a married woman of three
score years. This aesthetic craze for an
tiquities is becoming altogether too gen.
eral, and threatens to cause trouble.
Pat says that he was born on the last
day of the year, and congratulated him.
self that he was born at ali: "For if it
had been the next day what would have
become of me?'
Lets Illustrate comp nsation," hic-
coughed political orator. Its beau
tiful. You see, an old farmer comes to
town loaded with new wheat, an he
goes home loaded with old rye"
| A correspondent wants to know why
| young widow is more fascinating than
young girl. We don't know much
about the subject, but should suppose
that it is because the widow appreciates
the value of time.
Said his prudent friend: "Why, SO
for carriage is extravaganza. Go in
horse-car or take Herdic." And the
extravagant man replied: II can't
You see the lady I'm going to take isn't
my wife,
gentleman giving lecture to some
boys was explaining how no one could
live without air. He then said, "You
have all heard Of q man drowning; how
does it happen?" The ready answer was,
'Cause he can't SWIM"
Sitting Bull is credited with remark
ing in a thoughtful manner: What q
pity it is that our forefathers, the noble
sons of the forest, failed to pass an anti
European bill early in the seventeenth
| century,
The Detroit Free Press is authority
for the fact that Kentucky girls regis
ter their love-letters 80 that they will
not fall into wrong hands We presume
they send their kisses by Post Office or
der.
A pretty girl in Sweden turned up her
nose at her poor but deserving lover,
and it froZe in that position. Now she
doesn't know whether to retire from the
worldor hire out to stand in somebody
hall as a hat-rack.
A Boston journalist says "a kiss for
each falling star is the lovers rule. This
may do in Boston, where il takes some
time to remove eyeglasses, but it won't
do in Philadelphia. The falling stars
are too few and far between.
Miss Henrietta Dewcome: In answer
to your question about ''unkissed kiss
es," we may say that we are prepared
to unkiss any kisses we may have kiss
ed outside of the family for the last five
years.
There is a certain way of distinguish
ing man from u head-waiter at q swell
party, Notwithstanding both may be
dressed the sine. The waiter generally
has a towel on his left arm, and the man
generally has young lady there, if he
is agreeable.
"Ah, my friend" said clergyman
to a parishoner who was the husband of
a termagent, and who had made an ap-
plication for divorce, 1--WE should be
yielding and forgiving. There are no
divorces in heaven" That's the reas-
on said the sufferer, "why am so
anxious to get divorce here.'
The meanest church organist lives in
Philadelphia. He is all bent with age,
and the other day at the wedding of an
antique Philadelphia belle, whom he
knew many years before, he astonished
everybody by playing fantasia on the
air. When you and were young.
A scientist says that every adult per-
son carries enough phosphorus in his
body to make at least 400 of the or
binary two-cent packages of friction