Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1882-11-01
"Nashed" the wax woman.

"What was the doctor at your house
for this mOrning?" asked the grocery
man. "Is your ma sick?"
mo; ma is worth two in the bush.
It's pa that amt well. He is having
some trouble with his digestion. You
see, he went to the exposition with me
as guide, aud that is enough to ruin any
mans digestion. Pa is near-sighted,
and he said he wanted me to go along
and show him things. Well, l never
had so much fun since pa fell out of the
boat. First, / made him jump clear
across the aisle, there where the stuffed
tigers are by the fur place. L told him
the keeper was just coming along with
some meat to feed the animals, and
when they smelled the meat they just
clawed thinga He run against q show
case, and then wanted To go away. He
said he travelled with a circus when he
was young, and no one knew the dam
Cers of fOOling around wild animals bet
ter than he did. Well, you would die
to see pa there by the furniture place,
where they have got beautiful beds
and chairs. There was one blue
chair under glass case, all velvet, and
a sign was over it telling people to keep
their hands of. Pa asked me what the
sign was, and told him it said ladies
and gentlemen are requested to sit in
the chairs and try them. Pa climbed
over the railing, and was just going to
sit down on the glass showcase over the
chair, when one of the walk-arouud
fellows with police hats took him by
the collar and yanked him back over
the railing, and was going to kick pas
d. tn
collar pulled up over his head, and have
the set of his coat spoiled, and he was
going to sass the man when | told pa
that the man was q lunatic from the
asylum, that was on exhibition, and pa
wanted to go away from there. He
said he didn't know what they wanted
to exhibit lunatics. We went upstairs
to the pancake bazaar, where they brOil
pancakes out of self-raising flour, and
put butter sugar on them and give them
away. Pa said he could eat more pam
cakes than any man out of Jail, and
wanted me to get him some. / took
q couple of pancakes and tore out a
piece ofthe lining of my coat and put it
between the nSsIcakes and handed
them to Pc, with a paper around the
TEss.Tcakes. Pa didn't notice the paper
nor the cloth, and it would have made
you laugh to see him chew on them. L
'"ld him guessed he didn't have .!
GOOD eth IS he used to, and he said
Never Won MID the teeth and he
Kept on till he swallowed the whole
business, but he said he guessed he
didn't want any more. But | Thought
i should split when pa wanted drink
ofwater. | asked him if he would
druther have mineral water, and he
said he guessed it would take the
strongest kind of mineral to wash
down them pancakes, so | took HIM to
where the fire eXtinguishers are and
got him TO take the nozzle of the eX-
tinguisher in his mouth, and | turned
the faucet. don't thing he got more
than quart of the stuff out ofthe sal
eratus machine down him, but he
rered right up and said he'd be con-
damned ifhs believed that water was
ever intended to drink, and he
felt as though he should bust,
and Just then the man who kicks
the big organ struck up and the build
ing shook, and I guess pa thought he
bad busted. Then most fun was when
We came along to where the wax woman
was. They have got a wax woman
dressed up to kill, and she looks just as
natural as if she could breathe. She
has a handkerchief in her hand, and as
we came along / told pa there was a
lady that seemed to know him. Pa is
on the mash hisself, and he looked at her
and smiled and said good evening, and
asked me who she was. told him it
looked to me like the girl that sings in
the choir at our church, and pa said,
course it is, and he went right in where
she was, and said, Pretty good show,
isn't it.? and put out his hand to shake
hands with her, but the woman who
tends the stand came along and thought
ps was drunk, and said, "Old gentle
man, guess you had better get out OF
here, This is for ladies only Pa ex.
eused himself to the wax woman, and
said he would see her later. "-Peck's
Sun.