The Penn's Grove record., 1882-06-10
Good, Bad, and Indifferent.

Adaptability: A man never looks
so like q red. handed villain as when
he is told by the photographers to
look pleasant"
Vennor's rival A Lowell man. a
gentleman and a scholar, figures the
weather problem in this wise: There
is a large amount of snow yet on the
hills and In the forests to the wind
ward of US, and we shall not have
warm weather until this melts, and 1t
cannot melt until wehave some warm
weather. Consequently, when 1T
comes to prophe@ying, he gives 1t up.
Life in the cabin II say, nanny
didn't yo' tell Peleg dat he mustn't
go in bavin s"s Yo' right I ded chile !
Has yo' been dis'beying my 'struc'
lions, Peleg? 2" mo, mammy, J
hasn'tl I clare to goodness l hasn't
been in bavin. Yo' see I put on I'm
Gle Josh's britches by mistake der
smorning', an dere were SIGH a heap
o. looseness to 'em that when I pn'er-
took ter jump ober de brook dey
dropped off an / halter gum arte'
'em. Oh, no, / hasn't been bavin,
mammyp
Economy /: ut is no use" exclaimed
Henderson, at the family tea table :
I'VE must economize. Beef and mutt
ton are way up, butter and eggs
everything in fact. Meat once a day
Is all we can sfford and, mother, you
must give the children some kind OF
| cheap sauce to save In butter. We
aust cut down expenses some way"
And Fenderson then lights his If
teen-cent cigar and sallies forth to
| the billiard room, putting out a mat
ter Of two or three dollars in the
| course Of the evening.
Poor thing How very chilly 1t is
this morning. said Ciceley to her
mother; ~ hardly know what to
wear this weather. Sealskin cloak
are not seen, and spring wraps are not
neal warm enough" Land sakes,
don't be 30 particular" said her prac'
tical mother. "Wear my red and
black blanket shawl. That's com
fortable.n "WhatI and lock like
washerwoman ?' and the dear CIR
swooned. The feminine mind is ex'
ceedingly sensitive when matters o.
dress are under discussion.
Truth is mighty: "This is the third
time you have offered me q half dol
lar with y hole In it!n Indignantly
exclaimed q Michigan avenue saloor
keeper to q man who had called TO
beer. "Wrong-entirely wrongl'
sighed the stranger as he replaced tn,
money in his pocket. "On the frs
occasion ! offered you a trade dollar
On the next 1t was a quarter with
hole In it. In this present instanc
you have just refused a fifty-cent piec
which l spent over an hour In plug
ging up. l like to see a man tell tn
truth once In q while, even If his bee
Is bad"
A proud south "I'm shaving nay
self most of the time now" said tn
young man, proudly, rs he adjuste
his head to the back Of the chair. Tn
barber saxed thoughtfully at the gasl
in the left cheek, noted the irreguls
Maltese cross in the chin, observe
the finely-executed outline map of tn
He'll Gate excavations or tina left sid,
lowered over the piece Of a that ws
held In place with courtplaster an
pityingly scanned the prize coilectio
OF pimples and blotches which orns
mented the neck" Eyes, / notie
you are,n he said, musingly, as b
softly strapped his razor.
Huge joke: They were talking {
the innumerable caravan OF colore
men. now passing to the tomb, VIII
had once been coachmsn TO the Fathe