Connecticut western news., 1882-07-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

| WHAT Is the best way to prevent the
 night from going too far ar?-Put on the
 break of day.
 THE law can never make man honest;
 it can only make him very uncomfortable
 when he is dishonest.
 WHAT is the difference between
 blonde and locomotive p-One has
 light head, and the other has head
 light.
 FASHION note-All sorts of sleeves are
 admissible for ladies' dresses, but the
 coat sleeve round the waist remains the
 favorite.
 "I UNDERSTAND that your oourtship with Charley is at an end" ''Yes," said she Charley pressed his suit until it became threadbare, and then gave him , the sack"
 A LADY sent us about yard of late } spring poetry with the request to pub } fish it. adding, "My soul is full of poetry" We kindly sent it back to her and wrote her that she had better let it remain there.-Rentucky State Journal. HIGHLY intelligent darling: ''The robbers can't steal my mammals eal- 3 rings, cause papa's hidden them." In- l terested lady visitor: "Is that so, desrP !, Why, where has he put them, won- @ der ?" 'I heard him say he's put them up the spout, and expects they will stay \ U there."
 THE late benevolent David Dale, who Il was a man of short stature, on entering 5 his counting house one frosty morning, complained of the state of the streets, and mentioned that he had "fallen a his o length" "And what of that, sir ?" re- ., marked an old bookkeeper. 'Tm sure Il gentleman O your height couldna ta l' ony great length"
 o A YOUNG man who had married bad e tempered woman was one day provoked
 to correct her. The lady complained to
 her father who, knowing her character,
 followed the example of her husband and, boxing her ears, said: "There now; go and tell the fellow that am even with him, he has beaten my daughter . and have boxed his wife's ears. ia. A AooME-DowN: Lady customer: "What w are the strawberries to-day?" Trades no man (who thinks he has grand order); re "Two shillingsa basket, madam, Lady so customer: "And what are the beans ?" all Tradesman: "Three and six the bundle, or madam" Lady customer: "Well, aheml ,es I like parsley when it's fresh, so you can ,a- send bit every day, and when 1t comes BIT. to pennyworth just put it down to nd me-" Tableau.
 ,as A CERTAIN young man brought his at- ed fianced down from the country to see ,ss the sights. One day, while they were n's passing the confectioner's, the swain ty. noticed in the window placard bearing an the announcement, "Ice cream-$l per to gal" "Well," said the young man, as ow he walked into the saloon, ''thats 1ld pretty steep price to charge for one gal, but, Maria, I'll see you through, no lpe matter what it costs. Here's dollar, ing waiter ice cream for this gal" i've "No, s1R-EE," remarked the old resi- rge dent. "My wife didn't bring me cent me But it was my fault. I wouldn't have the it. The morning of the day we were ars, married says to her, says l: 'Maria t in how much money have you gotr Shs for says, John, I've got just twenty-iv' as cents.' Then says I, Come with me. the and I took her down to the canal ana lich had her throw that quarter into thu ex- drink I wasn't going to haveno woman
 twitting me about spreadin' around oi ap- her money."-Lo,oeU Citizen. mi AM oo,e,tr;c old gentleman who has 1ard married his second wife, hoydenisl Ter young creature, entertained party o
 gentlemen one afternoon and was mucl
 chagrined by the non-appearance of hi
 girlish spouse. Up>n inquiring he as
 certained that she was in the garden .o" and thereupon invited his guests out | iVeu be introduced to her. As they arose 5 Ill accept the invitation, his son, lad ,na. ,na fourteen, exclaimed: 'Don't do it, dadi lAs'' "Why not" he asked, angrily. "Bt re III cause," returned the boy half apologe m a, "' ically, ssshe's up cherry tree. I,o lyn Eagle.
 on "I CALLED to see, mann, if you fe' called upon to contribute to the evar pelization of the Navsjoes ?" said ,ott1 quiet. looking man at the door of Ne Iobts I Haven mansion. "Are you one of 'em s,, ot was the inquiry. ''No, indeed. mann, ,t;on am not. Do look like Navajo Y an ,,ar he put on stern countenance. "Ho dr;I do I know but you do I never saw ,otcb Navajo" The quiet-looking man, ,strus ,-.nr with the force of the woman's logic, ,; parted, and the next time he was on u na;n street he wore high silk hat and vel tight trousers. He wasn't to be m .rds taken for Navajo again.-Ne'o HaV rtant A'0s
 OPENING WEEK AT SUMMER RESORT.
 Yes, I've been here week. I've had just
 Filtration, and already it is done.
 The gentleman was MT. Harry May;
 We happened to arrive the self-same day. We got acquainted had quite a talk, ~ And in the evening took pleasant walk. si' "V He came as an advance guard, so to speak, must sa;a Mrs May was coming down next week con- When he said that vowed my lady fine cover should find hlm kueeng at another shrine. ,ot be To firt with single fellows is bore, .d in Unless they've other sweethearts to make 8
 t But when you chance to catch married one cript, Esnecia,lv if vou can make his wife p and So jealous that she's very tired of life. $ and We'll during this past week played each louer To capture him. I never tried so hard