Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-23
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

An honest man is the noblest pur.
suit Of woman.
Cheap men and accordions are noisy
on all occasions.
A supreme court-when she and her
father and her mother are all willing.
Spring freshets arc like some CASH
iers-they knock spots out Il the
| banks.
" Hall Of those smiles are mine, " said
dentist who looked at an audience
from his box.
There is nothing 50 lamentable a.
that there are persons who cannot sing,
and yet they make the attempt
The most difficult task to which a
man IL ever subjected is finding a name
good enough for his first baby.
Philadelphia has an artist named
Sword. When eight years Of age hs
was only little bowie
Is it a wise thing to have an auc-
tioneer for father in law? He might
knock you down, if he got angry.
Oscar Wilde is accused Of having
written " Beautiful Snow" This is
the hardest thing that has been said
about him.
Belle Boyd, the Confederate cone
spondent, spy and blockade. runner,
lives now in Corsicana, Texas, and fre-
quently delivers lecture or two.
"Too much absorbed in bis business"
was the comment Of Western news
paper on the death OF brewer who Was
drowned in a tank of his own beer.
In Denver there are more marriage
able daughters of millionAires than in
any other city in the Union, and they
average three bogus lords a week there.
The man who takes his advertise.
ment ont OF his home paper to econo.
nize, might as we'll cut off his feet to
obviAte the necessity of buying stock
ings.
Why does 3 donkey eat thistles ?"
asked teacher of one Of the largest
boys in the class. Because he is
donkey, reckon" vas the prompt
reply.
A foiessor Cunning, up in Michigan,
is lecturing on AFTER Man, What p A
Fort Wayne editor, who has been there,
rises TO remark that it is generally
the sheriff or some woman"
It is said that Count Taafe is likely
to have considerable difficulty in mAnag-
ing the Austrian reichsrath during the
present session. He should remember
what's in q name and give it to 'em.
A North Carolina justice Of the peace
recently married a couple as he sat en-
throned in state on the back of q mule.
and the animal for once realized that
there was a bigger trouble going on
than he could produce, and kept his
heels still.
"When goes q shopping" said an
old lady, alters ask for what wants,
and il they have il, and it's cheap and
it's suitable, and feel inclined to take
II, and it can't be got at any place for
less, / alters take it, without chatting
all day, as most people do"
"I don't miss my church as much as
you suppose" said lady 10 her minis
ter, who had called upon her during
her illness; "for make Betsy sit at
the window as soon as the bells begin
10 chime, and tell me who are going 10
church, aud whether they have got on
anything new"
A Buffalo paper tells of lover who
began 20 propose to his girl just as his
horses started 10 run with the sleigh.
B sins determined TO have IL over with
he got the question out at the moment
the sleigh struck : mile post. The
girl was thrown high into the air, but
as she came down she uttered q firm
"Yes. Charlie" aud then tainted.
".And what do you think of the re.
naissanco' my dearY said she OF the
blonde hair as she looked about her
drAwins-room with n air Of pride
"oh, am sure I hardly know what TO
think. But so long IS George can aell
imported sunhower seeds at seventy
Ave cents = packet and palm of .
cellar full Of onions for lily bulbs,
shall support IT," This Is the practical
view ei .he craze.
A newspaper reporter has discovered
that Oscar Wilde wears pair Of bright
ruby satin auspenders. embroidered
with Margueritcs and gold leaves. This
is about as deep as his ward
robe has been penetrated up 10 The
hour OF going "a orees Notwithstanding