The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1882-12-28
KOTA. THURSDAY, DEC. %, 1882.

An old Irish soldier who prided him.
self on his bravery, said he had fought
in the battle of Bull Run. When asked
if he had retreated and made his es-
cape as others did on that occasion, he
replied, 'sBe jabers, those that didn't
run are there yet!''
"Mr. Brown. do you eat mushp''
asked a four-year old fiend of his sis
ter's beau. 'Why, Johnnie?' "Be-
cause sister says she wishes you would
MT talk like you had a mouthful OF
mush." Sister faints, and Brown re-
members that he has an engagement in
Australia.
Irritated mamma '*No, it doesn't
fit as if he had been born to tit does
mt fit at ALL "But s'help me-!' Ir-
ritated mamma-"Your advertisement
says, Money returned if not approved. ,"
Mr.. Moses-"So they do, ma tear, sc
they do; but your money vas approved
it vas very goot money"
The president of little Southern
railroad boasts that they have not had
an accident for five years. We travelled
walks ahead of every train, and when
he becomes tired the train stops and
the passengers 60 fishing until he gets
rested.
"Wen, Tom," said a blacksmith tc
his apprentice. ''you have been with ms
now three months, and have seen all
the different points in our trade; wish
to give you your choice of work for a
while. "'.Thank' ee, sir. '"Well, now, what
part of the business do you like best?''
"Shuttin' up shop and goin' to dinner -
Professor-''Now, Mr.. Snodkins, you
may criticise the theme have just
criticism, sir. can't talk as well as ]
can write" Professor-(who had wad-
ed through Snodkins' last theme with
great difficulty)-'Then, sir, I am sor-
ry for you.''
''Ma," howled a boy running into the
house and approaching his mother,
''ma, little brother hit me with stick
''Well, I'll whip your little brother"
said the mother, abstractedly tucking
together a pair of stockings she had
been darning. mo, don't whip him;
don't let him have any supper. I
whipped him before he hit me-
One day towards nightfall, and in an
uncertain light, a man bought an over
coat of pretended plum-color. The
next morning it proved to be of quite
too unmistakable green. Returning it
to the storekeeper, that worthy regard
ed the buyer calmly and said, "You
must have a little patience with it, my
dear sir; it isn't ripe YETI
A Boston editor bounced the cook,
cutfed two children, left his wife in tears
and made bee line for the office and
wrote: elf you want to make the world
brighter and better, begin by being kind
and loving to those in the small circle
OF your own family, and from that rs
center work out as you are permitted
to go.'
When we see the young man of the
period with the cutaway coat, his ears
sheltered from the cold north wind
blasts by the broad expanse of collar,
his two watch chains, but no watch,
his pointed shoes and intellectual eye
glass his tootsey-wootsey cane and pam
cake hat, we realize that the SS4,000.-
600 annually expended in educating the
American youth is little enough.
A short time ago, at a school in the
north of England, during a lesson on
the animal kingdom, the teacher put
the following question: "Can any boy
name to me an animal OF the order
edentela; that is, front-tooth toothless
animal?" A boy, whose face beamed
with pleasure at the prospect of a good
mark, replied: 81 can" "Well, what
is the animal?' "My grandmother!'
replied the boy, in great glee.
Art and Mammon.
One day Alexander T. Stewart gave
o commission to u celebrated artist in
Paris to paint little Parisienne, and
offered to pay treble the ordinary price
if the painter would put heap of bead
work in the little lady's costume. ''That
is a strange fancy" said the painter
1T is not q fancy at ALL replied Mr..
Stewart. THAT picture will be eNhib-
tied at New York. All the elegant wo-
men will look at it, and if they see that
the Parisiennes wear bead ornaments
they viii buy beads. Now, my house
A. T. Stewart & Co.-has big stock
of these articles, and by that means,
vou unGcrstand-, - and the artist I'M
dcrstood enough to refuse the commits
sion.