Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-31
JUST As WE FIND THEM.

A Michigan man is in Jail for beating
MS mother in-law. Incredulous crowds
throng about the prison, but the charge is
| said to be true. II Courier-J Journal.
Gladstone says, 81 Go net admit that
we are at war with any one" England is
only making up faces at the pyramids, Just
for fun.-LNew Orleans Picayune.
They have got one of the first Napoleon's
veterans in jail at Portland, and every effort
will now be made to run down Washing
toms last body servant and chain him to a
post. Detroit Free Press.
1t is announced that science has pre-.
duced new silkworm, superior to the old
brand. If the new worm will produce
silk that costs no more than calico it will
fill long felt want. [Norristown Herald.
Eggs of the flamingo sell at 81. 50 apiece,
or $50 dozen, But you needn't feel par
ticuiarly worried about it, or regard it as
an extortion, as the chances are you'll be
able to get along without buying any fam
lingo eggs. if you try hard. Boston Post.
Once when Miss Caroline Sedgwick, the
New England autboress, was in England.
an aristocratic lady asked her 'sHave
you any large old trees in America ?-oh,
| beg your pardon your country hasn't
been settled long enough for that. ~ Bos,
ton Globe.
Tailor's Collector" Well, Mr.. Jigeers,
I've brought you that little bill again. :"
Jiggers--" I've only just expressed the
last dollar had to the patriot Egyptians.
Terrible war over there, you know. Just
explain to your employer, please. "-Cour-
ier-J Journal.
A new drama brought out in London
contains drunkenness, wedding, a for.
gerry, murder, railway collision, finan.
cial panic, riot, the wrecking of a bark,
starvation, and arson. The author evi,
IDENTIFY thought he had introduced all the
crimes IN the catalogue, but he forgot the
river and harbor bill.-[Norristow Her.
aid.
An exchange tells US that poetry is
gift but notwithstanding this apparently
truthful assertion, hundreds of men and
women IN this suffering country are labor
ing under the impression that poetry
should be paid for. Let them labor. They
will soon find out, ninety. mine per cent Of
them, that it is not even SO much as
gift Boston Transcript.
A lady correspondent asks the Brook Ign
Eagle, as the "Sun and "Star are such
common names for newspapers, why no
one had ever selected the moon for title.
Who do you suppose would want to give
the rival journals an opportunity to say,
"our luney contemporary 1t does not
sound near as well as " esteemed contem-
porary. " Boston Post.
Between .tdubouriennes eff I should
find million l know what l should do
with it," 80 do / should keep it"
Excuse me, l should keep it too, but pro-
vided that | knew it belonged to some rich
man like NJ. Rothschild, for example.
Otherwise | should carry it to the prefec.
ture." "Why?" Because it might be.
long to some poor workman "-T Partisan
Inbecility.
There is church in Michigan which
has been struck by lightning a dozen
times, and now whenever the preacher
shows signs OF getting long-winded and
passing from his ''seventhly" to an
"eighthly," the orgapist slyly initiates the
sound OF approaching thunder on the
pedals. The way that preacher dives into
the " conclusion and rushes through it
and starts the doxology is canton. The
congregation would not part with that
organist for million dollars. III hiladel.
phia News.
Say, boss, is that the litter +" inquired
tall, laDk looking farmer OF the elevator
man. Yes, this is the elevator, was the
reply. Don't cost nothing to 60 up, eh?"
"No; it's Free" "Well, didn't know
whether you charged or not. You see, l
TOOK ride in one of them things in the
Centennial year, and they let me go free;
but | s'posed it was only for that year"
He stepped in, took seat, and as the ele.
vator glided gently upward he exclaimed
Gosh but it's nice. New York Com.
mercial Advertiser.
why don't you send your children to
school, Ike :" asked the Superintendent of
Public Instruction of an old colored man.
Wall, boss, rs tried dat school business.
and it won't work." "How's that -
Wall, you see, my sons been studyn'
'rithmetic FUR come time, and tother day
l axed him what was de county seat OBJ
Africa, and he couldn't tell me. When a
boy studies 'rithmetic free years and can't
figger out sich simple question, thinks
dat rs time. .nr- him ter eait-New he's
studyn' 'stronomy in brick yard.'-EAr-
kansaw Traveller.
The carpenter should be plane man.
[Podunk Herald. We never saw one that
waan't.-GSquedunk Bladder. You prob
ably refer to H'ammer-ican carpenters,
brother Boggs.-[Squashville Trumpet.
No, brother Scraggs. he does not, and it
augers 10 good Mud Hollow Piper.
You hit the nail on the mead that time. -
tStump.own Blower. Had not you fellows
better file this way!-[Snake City Sam.
pier. Don't chisel them out OF their fun.-
Pumpkin Hollow Kite. What il it all
about, anyhow IChanberryview Boat
horn. Note: Papers which like to lumber
up their columns with this kind Of stuff
can cave money by ordering it at wholesale.
Having made telephone connection with
school for the feeble. minded, we are pre-
pared to furnish matter of this kind at the |
very reasonable rate of three cents . yard,
twenty per cent. of for cash. Philadel.
phia News.