The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1882-01-26
The Clock Disease.

warm interest IN his watch; that no
should paIliate or deny its faults, and
ascribe to it an accuracy which it rarely
possesses. This regard for ones own
watch is essentially the same passion as
love for ones country. A man is a pa
triot not because his native land is bet
Ter than any other land, but because it
is his native land. He loves his watch
not because it is necessarily a good
watch, but because it is his personal
property. Which passion is the strong
er-love of country or love of watch
only bold man would venture to de-
eide.
The habit of wearing a watch has its
disadvantages, though they are of no
great consequence. If man has a
really good watch he is apt to exhibit
| his pride in a rather oppressive way,
| and to become unpleasantly self right
eous. He invariably convinces himself
| that the accuracy of his watch is some
thing that is greatly to his credit, and
that it renders him morally better than
other men. By some curious process
he comes to consider the accuracy OF
his watch as one of his own moral quail
tiles, ranking at least as high as honesty
or veracity. Thus he never replies,
when asked what is the time, "My
watch says that it is o'clock" or what
ever the hour may be, but his invariable
answer is, 81 am O'clock" There
can be no doubt that the watch-owner
really looks upon his watch as one OF
his bodily organs, and he resents any
imputation that may be made upon it as
testify rs he would resent the suggestion
| that his lungs are diseased or that his
liver is out of order.
These results of watch-wearing are
trivial in comparison with the painful
and sometimes terrible results that fol
low too great familiarity with clocks
The existence of a weIl-defned disease,
named by its discover, DR.. Charles 7.
Mendax, naorbats hOrOlogeus, has recent.
ly been demonstrated, and its origin
and nature thoroughly defined. 1t seems
strange that the watch should be
comparatively harmless in its effects,
| while q clock, which is a machine of es.
| sentially the same nature, should pro-
duce painful and dangerous disease
but we are compelled to yield to the
force of DIR. Mendax's reasoning, and
to admit the deleterious influence o1
clocks.
The first symptom of the clock dis
ease is desire ON the part of the pa
tent to provide him self with an unnec
essary quantity of clocks. 1t will moi
do to say that the disease originates ir
an excess of clocks, for the first symp
tom manifests itself prior to the buyine
by the patient of his second clock, anG
his subsequent prodigality in CLOCKS i
purely symptomatic. Usually he buy!
three or four clocks within the first si1
months of his attack, and within yea
he provides every room in his hous'
with its especial clock. Thus far tn
one symptom which has manifested
itself is regarded by all who know tn
afflicted man as harmless, or, at worst
merely as piece of childish extrava
gance. When, however, he has bough
all The clocks that his house will readil,
hold, the virulence of the disease rapid
ly increases.
The unfortunate man soon begins t.
try to make all his clocks keep exac
time. OF course, this is impossible, bu
in his diseased state he does not recOg
nize the impossibility. He fancies tina
if he sets the parlOr clock back q little
clock forward, and shortens the pendu
!
secure unanimity among them. Hi
constant failures do not discourage him
but only induce him to give more tim
and attention to his clocks. He is cor
stantly sending this or that clock to tn
wa,chmaker's to be cleaned, and b
spends hours in wandering from roor
to room testing his clocks, and trying t
regulate them. In this vain pursuit h
| L Nd Iy
self of sleep. His temper next begin
to suffer. He becomes irritable and wi
tolerate on the part of his family G
! friends no illusions to the bad qualitie
of any of his clocks. No matter in whS
he may be engaged, the striking of
clock will instantly ctuse him to jun
up and run to regulate a delinquef
time-piece. The day comes when eithe
the miserable man sinks into profoun
melancholy and takes to his bed, neve
again to leave it, or his friends are CON
PEELED to remove him as a hopeless lur
attic to an insane asylum.
Such is the clock disease. 1t is il
duced. according to DR.. Mendax, by th
regular and monotonous ticking of tn
ordinary clock. This sound exercises
peculiar and injurious influence upo
the nerves, and through the nerves upo
the brain. Thus while the clock diseas
often produces hopeless in anity, it
not primarily brain disease, but b'
longs to that great family of nervor
diseases which are the curse of OF
= country and the despair of doctors. Tt
= remedy is, of course, the complete Isl
lation of the patient from clocks, and
= course of medical treatment adapted
i soothe and strengthen the nerves: 1t
: probable that in its early stages the di
ease can be cured by skillful treatmen
hut when once the patience has boug|
half a dozen clocks and lived for
a month or two in their presence, h
e radical cure is very nearly hopeless
ii Neao York Times.