Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-08-16

one for me ?'' "I'm afraid not" he
replied. "These very old coins are to
be found only in valuable collections. }"
A MAN wanted horse to ride at the
| annual parade. edo you want spirit
ed animal ?" asked the li7aryman. Ono,
not very." EDO you want quiet one 2"
"No. not very" e'What do you want,
then?" CT want & horse that looks a
! good deal more spirited than he really
is"
A CLERGYMAN dwelt in quiet, rural
district, where laziness is apt to grow
upon man. One day his excellent
spouse remarked to him at breakfast
" Minister, there's bit of butter on
your neckcloth." "Weel, weel, Janet,
my DEAR" slowly responded the worthy
pastor, "when [ get up, it'll ia aft.
HEARD at a summer hotel: 81 I'M
derstand that the arrivals have been
rather slim so far "Slim; I should
say so. Every mothers son of them
have been these long, thin fellows, who
seem to be hollow all the way through,
and they eat more than half dozen fat
men. | will be bankrupt if this thing
keeps on. ''-PhdladeIpt&a Meas.
In one of the churches while the Their
mometer was in the nineties and the
whole congregation felt as though they
were being cooked, the minister rose to
deliver his sermon. At the announce
ment of his text broad smile Illuminated
the face of his hearers. They couldn't
| help it. It was-''And Peter stood by
the fire and warmed himself. "-NeaO-
6a1rgp0rt Herald. -..
"MY wife," says Wigglesworth, ab-
stractedly lifting handful of prunes
from the box, sis one of the most eco
nomical women I ever saw. Whenever
l smoke a cigar in the house she makes
me blow the smoke on her plants to kill
the bugs, and stand ready to catch the
ashes for tooth powder, while the stub
that is left she soaks in water and treats
the fower-pots to Turkish bath with
it,
"HERE, water; what do you cali this
you've brought me?" inquired custo-
mer. Waiter" Ham, sir; you ordered
ham" Customer-"When was it
cooked?" Waiter, (snappishly)-".I
don't know sir; we don'tput tags on with
the date and time of cooking p Custo-
mer-" You ought to. This ham was
cooked 80 or 40 years ago. Bring me
some that was cooked this year. "-CkaDa-
berS' Journal.
A BEAUTIFUL floral offering at the
recent funeral of a Harvard student,
sent by the classmates of the deceased,
bore the letters S. Y. L. No one under
stood their significance, but naturally
they were supposed to indicate some
noble sentiment in classic or modern
phrase. A friend whose curiosity was
great, finally asked the meaning of one
of the students. why, See You
Later of course" was the answer.
IT must have been in Memphis.
Moses the younger sat in the store read
ing the evening paper, and all of sud
den he called out: "Fadder, ladder !"
'Vat ish it, my son ?" &c A case of yell
low-fever only six miles away"
Moses ?" eyes, ladder" "Pegin to
pack up dem coats ind vests By to-
morrow dot yellow-fever Will be in town
und Will be telegraphed to New York,
ind by der mex day we mus fail und
offer to pay 20 cents on der tollar. [
vhas looking for it all last week. VAL
Street NeaOS.
AN Ohio father, whose son was about
to make a journey to st. Louis, in
structed him to keep his eyes open and
take in the commercial interests of the
city, and when in due time the son re-
turned the old man began: "Well,
James, what did you see % "Heaps,
dad" "Did you inquire into the indus
tries ?" CT did" "And the railroad
and steamboat interests?" eyes. )"
"And did you make study of the COM
mercial interests? 81 did" "And
how did you find them?" "All 0. K,
father. [ saw revolvers sold for So
apiece, and l found a pawnbroker who
lent me 81 on your silver watch I wish
you'd sell right out and move down
there, and invest the whole business in
peanuts-for, if turnips fail this fall,
peanuts are going to climb like coons !"
= Val Street NeaUS.