The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-06-22
WIT AND HUNoR.

| man race There are seasons when he
/ keeps his mouth shut
| A husband, on reading ''none but the
| brave deserve the fair, )" said with a sigh:
| "And none but the brave could live
| with them"
| An elevated railroad conductor was
recently kicked on the cheek by horse.
| The man was uninjured, but the horses
leg was broken.
1t is nobler TO give a worthy object a
penny than it is olay a ten-dollar wreath
on a rich mans coffin. And what is
more, it is cheaper.
''Too much absorbed in his business
was the comment of Western news
paper on the death of a brewer who was
found drowned in tank of his own beer.
The Baltimoreans are so aesthetic that
they refuse to drain off an old canal
which is full of ill-smelling, stagnant
water. The fluid is q beautiful olive
green.
isn't this shirred bonnet just too
sweet for anything?" asked little Mrs.
Smith of her husband Il shirred think
it was" answered Mr.. s., as he inspect
ed the bill
Titan, it is said, loved to paint red
that way when they seesit; but then
wearers might object.
s'Do you admire the principles of JET
ferson?" asked an enthusiastic politician
of society friend. Il really don't know
much about his principles" was the re-
ply, "but he plays rip Van Wrinkle
superbly."
Eyes, there is no doubt that women
are much more apt than men in learn
ing anything in the nature of military
drill,' says an old bachelor. ''but l sup
pose it is because it viii never be of any
earthly use to them"
Il never pretend to know thing that
/ do not" remarked Brown. ''When
don't know thing, say at once I
don't know " ga very proper course
said Fogg, ''but how monotonous your
conversation must be-
Arkansas has mule that will stop
kicking if the Lords prayer is recited
to him. He takes it for granted that
when an Arkansas man begins to pray
that the kicks must have proved fatal,
and is then willing to take a rest.
A countryman one morning received
a note from merchant asking him to
puzzled for moment, and then entered
the house and said to his wife, 'sBetty,
what day does forthwith fall on?"
Two female homeopathic physicians,
both young and pretty, have opened an
Office in st. Louis. Their first patient
was man who said he had neuralgia
from too much kissing, and wanted to
be cured on homeopathic principles.
where do people 90 who deceive
their fellow menp' inquired a Sunday
school teacher. Sometimes to Canada,
but mostly they 90 to Europe" was the
reply of youngster whose uncle had
| recently been trusted officer in local
bank.
A stone weighing twenty-five pounds
is concealed under an old hat, and
| man kicks it with such force rs to send
it nine yards. As it takes two and one
half pounds of active pressure to move
one pound of dead weight one foot,
what force did he exert?
| 1t is said that women Of the world
fight with delicate weapons, poison
! pointed, and thrown with unerrino aim.
From a casual reading of the humorous
| columns of our exchanges during the
/ past ten years, we have become con-
| WINGED that the weapons aforesaid are
the rolling-pin, broom-stick. and stove
| poker, none of which are delicate nor
poison-pointed-though the ''unerring
| aim Is correct.
A man spends eighteen cents for lager,
ten cents for tobacco, twenty cents for
cigars, fifteen cents for street car fare,
and loses 81 so at poker; he then per-
mits his wife TO purchase a button-hook
for three cents, and figures that her eX-
travagance will ruin him in three years.
What is his capital?
People who snore are supposed to
sleep heavily, yet experience has proved
that a shrill sound like the chirp of
bird will wake them. Don't kill the
birds, the pretty birds, that fly about
your door, for think, oh, think, how oft
they stop your next door neighbours
| snore.
Scene, the breakfast table of an Ala
bama hotel where the Mccullough troupe
is stopping. 1.-THE heat probably pre-
vented You resting weil-You look tired"
..oh, no, - -irl 1t wasn't the heat, -
.What was it them NJ was .pius 81,
ing-sthe bed-bugs." "Bed-bugSF
said the passing landlord; They're out
early this SPRING"
Many good people find themselves,
sometimes, in condition of mind like
the little boy who. on being asked
whether he would rather have Bible
or jewsharp, hesitated q moment
and then replied: ''Well, if it don't
make any great difference with God, !
would rather have the jewsharp."
A man has ninety-one sheep, eighty
seven calves and thirty-tive pigs, and he
desires TO divide them equally among
three sons and daughter so that the
daughter shall have nine more head
than the boys. What will be the share
of each, providing three sheep are stolen,
two calves get lost and five pigs follow
a circus away?
''Well. my little man, are'n you bare
foot rather early this season." said a
benevolent gentleman to New Haven
youngster one morning. Guess not.
Wuz born barefoot, wuz." Il declare,
so you was; so you was. What 4 pity!
what pity! Well nature is unkind to
the poor. really" and he gave the young
ster dime to atone for the neglect of
, the ''mother of us ALL
Chicago man visiting Cincinnati
was being shown around by a citizen,
who said: "Now let us GO and see the
Widows Home The Chicago man
| put his finger to the side of his nose and
winkea, and then said: mot much,
Mary Ann. | saw a widow home once,
and she sued me for breach of promise
and proved it on me. No, sir, send the
widows home in hack"
Henry Ward Beecher relates that once
] WHEN ridinr ON the circIlit he hraaE-