Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-01-06
F. U N

F. U N
WEIGHING A HoG.-A dog fight sends
the pulse of village up to 100, and a foot
CO or q knock down will almost restore
gray hairs to their original color; but for
eal excitement let man came along in
front of the tavern about shutdown driving
a hog.
ssHey, where are you going?"
ssGoing to sell this hog"
ssHold on minute! How much does
he weight"
ssOh! about 225.''
s.You're off, he won't 60 over 2O0.'
Every chair is vacated on that instant.
Every eye is fastened on the hog roofing
in the gutter, and every man fatters him
self that he can guess within a pound of
the porker's weight.
ssThat hog will just exactly 60 1876
pounds says the blacksmith, after long
squint.
HE won't 60 an ounce over 1885," adds
the cooper.
ssI've got So bill that says that hog
will kick at 210,' says the hardware man.
.sYou must be Wild" growls the grocer;
81 can't see over $50 pounds of meat
there.''
Twenty men take walk around the
porker, and squint and shake their heads
and look wise, and the owner finally says ::
eff he don't go over 220 I shall feel that
I am no guesser.''
ssOver 200! If that hog weighs 200
pounds I'll treat this crowd,H exclaimed
the owner Of the bus line.
81 dunno bout that" unused the Squire
who is on his way to the grocery after but
tor. ''Some hogs weigh more and some
less. What breed is this hog ?"
berkshire.
"Well, I've seen some o'them Berkshires
that weighed like load O. sand and then
again I've seen 'em where they was all
skin and bone. Has anybody guessed that
hog will weigh 3OO?''
Mo-
swell, that's leetle steep, but I've kin
der sot my idea on 250.''
By this time the crowd has increased to
hundred and the excitement is aintense.
Thd squire lays half dollar on $50, and
the owner of the hog rakes in several bets
on sbetween 220 and 225." The porker is
driven to the hay scales and the silence is
almost painful as the weighing takes place.
1.-TWO hundred and twenty-three," calls
The weigher.
Growls and lamentations smte the even
ing air, and shareholders pass over the wa
GERS to the lucky guessers, chief of whom is
Che owner Of the hog.
well. I'm clear beat OUT" says the
squire. 81 felt dead sure he would weigh
over 300. u
''Oh, knew you were all way off, ex.
nlains the guileless owner. 'When we
weighed him here at noon he tipped at ex-
actly 223, and / knew he couldn't have
picked up or lost over pound. ''-Detroit
Ehge Press.
A TRUTHFUL MANA f1at-footed, old
fashioned Western merchant, hailing from
a country store in Michigan, was buying
stock in New Y ork, and the firm took ad
gantage of the occasion to make inquiries
Eerning some of their customers around
When they asked about Smith, of
J, l "a Vile. he replied:
ssSmith? Yes, he's in trade yet, but he's
Just married second wife, and she's 60
mig through his wealth like saItpetre.-
He'll fail in less six months"
e;yMou hon, borf Topoc AZ uo,,r
ssJones? Well, Jones is pegging along
after the old style, and he's bought him a
blcicIe, and everybody says he'll go to the
wall in less than year."
land Brown & Son-are they all right2"
.sBrown & Son? Well, they may keep
On till Spring, but doubt it. Old Brown
has got so nigh-sighted that he can't tell
"a sheep pelt from coon skin, and the
boy is dead stuck on a widow woman who
never wears anything less than six-dollar
stockings"
ssBut Davis is doing a good trade, ism t
he?''
ssDavis? Wall, poorly fair, but he won't
last. He rented the upper part Of his
store to Chicago milliner, and she broke
up two families and caned preacher |
Everybody blames Davis, and his sales last |
week only footed up pound of salera:us
and washboard."
well, you are one Of our customers out
there, and of course you're all right ?"
s'Me9 Wall, I'm right just now, but
things may change. My wife belongs to
three literary societies, and is the big toad
at church festivals, while I've bought
2:40 trotter and learned to play old sledge !
You needn't be surprised any day to hear
] have been busted from garnet to cellar,
10 clean that creditors can't find enough
dry goods to wipe a baby's nose on.''
TAcKLING THE WRONG MAN,-The
commercial traveller of a Philadelphia
house while in Tennessee approached a ]
str anger as the train was about to start
aud said: "Are you going on this train?''
II am.o 'sHave you any baggage ?"
No. swell, my friend, you can do me
q favor, and it won't cost you anything.
Z on see I've got two rousing big trunks,
and they always make me pay extra for |
one Of them. You can get one checked |
on your ticket and we'll euchre them.-l
Ses2'' ssYes, I see: but I haven't any |
ficket.'' 'But I thought you said you /
were going on this train?" $50 / AMI
Ia the conductor" "OhI' He paid ex-