Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-05-24
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.


You can look for warm weather when
the fly begins to put on his specs.
ton Com. Bulletin.
WHAT word in the English language
possesses the greatest number of one
particular letter? Possesses.
ALL kinds of food are now SO fear.
fully adulterated that the place where
ignorance is bliss is at the dinner-table.
TRANSPARENT leather is now being
made in Germany, and it is likely that
the pedestrian of the future will be able
to see his neighbours corn growing.
elbow bitter are the sweets of life"
remarks Henry Ward Beecher. elbow
sweet are the bitters of life" echoes the
old topper, as he pours down his morning
cocktail.
ARKANSAS has a mule that will stop
kicking if the Lords prayer is recited to
him. 1t so ap1azes him to hear an Ar
kansas man pray tha5 he forgets all
about kicking.
sc WISH I could get pair of easy
boots, =" exclaimed j. to his gloomy friend
B. "A1 right; but I like boots which
pinch my feet well, then I can't think of
my other troubles"
PRACTICAL temperance lesson: A
Whitehall gentleman, viewing the ST.
Patrick procession In New York, over
heard footman say: "Bedad the
whisky sellers rides the horses, but the
whisky drinkers goes afut'
A GENTLEMAN giving lecture to some
boys was explaining how no one could
live without air. He then said: {" You
have all heard of man drowning; how
does it happen?" The ready answer
was: "'Cause he can't SWIM"
SONs-nT-LAw take warming. One of
them in New York has just been COM
PEELED to pay his mother-in-law nine
years board bill, amounting to So, 034.
1t he had only kept civil tongue in his
head, he might have been spared this ex-
penditure. -Detroit Free Press.
The inhabitants of a weastern town
tarred and feathered an obnoxious indi-
vidual the other day, only to find that
the man was innocent, but made believe
guilty because he wanted some feathers
for pillow and was too mean to buy
them. They are terribly indignant.
"WHAT is the matter, old fellow?
You seem worried" Well, I AMIN
being dunned up hill and down dale by
my internal creditors, ooh, you owe
a LARGE sum q money?" ":No, but
many small sums, and debts are like
children-the smaller they are the more
bother they are.''
| A LONG ISLAND man, accompanied by
his little son, paid a Brooklyn news
paper visit, on which occasion one of
the editors remarked that he had fire.
quently seen the visitors name In the
eagle" The little boy spoke up and
said: You bet; Pas name is in the
paper every time land is sold for taxes.
GLASS balls and clay counterfeits have
been successfully substituted for live
pigeons at shooting matches. Now why
cannot somebody bring forward equally
merciful and efficacious proxies for the
pugilists and base ball players? We con-
graduate the pigeons, but why should
not this immunity be extended also to
men ?-BostOn transcript.
VALUE of experience: A celtic friend
was recently badly cut about the head in
an accident and bleeding freely: but he
demonstrated against having his wounds
dressed, when the surgeon told him ne
would bleed to death if they were not at
tended to. His reply was characteristic,
Docthur," said he, ST never bled to
death in all me life. "-Richnaoad State.
A YOUNG medical student at Bowdoin
College once asked Prof. Cleveland, of
that institution, if there were not some
more recent works of anatomy than those
in the college library. "Young man."
said the professor, measuring the entire
youthful scholar at one glance, "there
| have been very few new bones added to
the human body during the last ten
years.
| A VERMONT paper relates that farmer
living near st. Johnsbury hired French
man to work for him. The first morning
| the Frenchman was called at o'clock
for breakfast. After eating a hearty
meal, he arose from the table and re-
marked: "This best place I ever git
in; two suppers in one night. Hurrah
for bed again, and retired, not appear
ing again until o'clock.
A GENTLEMAN was relating to friend
how a party of young fellows got full at
wedding. He said one of them went
up stairs just braiding. The friend
said, "Well, what in the world is braid
ing? That is new one on me-" The
man who was telling the story SAID:
"You don't know what braid is, eh?
He was braiding three strands-two
strands of legs and one strand of banis-
ters."
A SUGGESTIVE color: A gentleman
who had been giving description of
friends wife, but omitted all mention of
her hair, was asked the color of it. His
delicacy of feeling overeame him TO such
an extent that it was several moments
before he ventured to give any answer,
and then said, in very reluctant way:
sit was that-that indescribable shade
which suggests the thought that it would
explode powder.
A FRESH country vegetable: There
was displayed near the saltwater foun-
tain in an uptown drug store the sign,
"Bovine vaccine" A young man, ac-
companied by a young woman, who
might have been his country cousin or