davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-10-27

"A Wisconsin farmer was seen stop
ping up the chinks in his dilapidated log
house. A big snake had crawled in and
gone to bed with him on the previous
night, and he had disliked it.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-10-27

Americans who know what 'sa beau
tiful Circassian girl looks like say that
not one of them could hold candle for
looks to the majority of girls to be found
eating gum-drops at American county
fairs. Courier Journal.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-10-27

-Itis believed that full grown grizzly
bear could pull load of $4,000 pounds
on level, but the trouble is to find any
one to harness him up.-Detroit Fres
Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-10-27

80 dear no, not that, really. Only
that he isn't as shrewd and capable, per-
haps, as some, and any one who was
keen might take advantage of him, you
see; but perhaps it is only surmise."
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-10-27

seemed suffering under some nervou:
malady."
"Why didn't you tell him what Viola
said about her mothers being SO af-
fected when she saw him?" interrupted
Ralph.
II did, but 1 am positive. Ralph, that
she was mistaken. You would have
been if you had seen how panied and sur
prised he was that the child should have
fancied such thing. He said if he had
thought of such possibility he should
not have rested till he had removed the
erroneous impression from the child s
mind, if he had made the journey from
the West on purpose. He thinks illness,
and the excitement of the storm, added
to her half-drowned condition, turned
the poor woman's brain, and your father
and l think so, now. But it doesn't
matter since both are dead. Did you
see Mr.. Montford?" she asked, after a
moment of silence.
mo, not the senior Mr.. Montford.
saw Mr.. Victor Montford-a fine young
fellow. too, l judge"
"Yes; but why asked, no one sees
much of Mr.. Gilbert Montford, only
when he drives out. or something of
that kind. Some think he is not quite
as clever as people in general, and that
is why he keeps this DeVries to attend
to all his business affairs. May be,
however, it's the English way of doing
things; presume It's. But no one ever
goes to MIR. Montford on any business
matter whatever but ALWAYS to Mr. De
SrIes, who negotiates loans, invests all
moneys, and pays all claims"
DO you mean that he is not bright,
this Mr.. Montford?" Ralph asked,
looking surprised.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
Elactr;citv in War.

The use of the electric light in war
fare seems not rs yet to be thoroughly
perfected. An experiment was made
with it the other night by the Superb,
now lying of Ramleh. but in tho eau
tious language Of the Times correspond
ent. whether it was an advantage or
otherwise Is an open question. has
much as the officer in charge of tho
picket, whose duties it was supposed to
assist, complained that It was generally
on his own men that the light was
thrown, while all around them was
wrapped In more than Egyptian dark
ness. it seems rather as though on that
occasion, at least, it was very much
otherwise. Indeed, one feels inclined to
say Of it much what Sam Weller said
of tho dark lantern With which Mr..
Pickwick proposed to guard from dis
covery the midnight loves OF Mr.. Win
kle and Miss Allen-.werry nice things,
II they're managed properly; but when
you don't want to be sen, think they
are more useful arter tlb candies gone
out than when it's aliglt."
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
Buckskin Lager.


find one more entry in my note book
taken at Worms 1t is mysterious. Ii
is this: "Buekskin lager" 49,.
II recalls the joke of the season on
the Cook'stourists. Several of the par.
ty, eminent alike for virtue, wisdom
piety and learning. had devoutly wan,
dered about the cathedral and traced
the paths the sacred and weighty foot OF
Martin Luther himself had trod They
had been so impressed with the. solemn
ty of the occasion that they became
thirsty. A door stood invitingly open
near by, as if designed by the shade of
Luther on purpose for quenching the
thirst of wise men like himself, who
properly appreciated wine, women and
song. At least SO it seemed to the wise
and weary tourists. The legend oyer
the door read thus: .'Tuch und Buxkin
Lager" In. point of fact, it was a tail
or shop. But the wise followers of
Luther thought that 9'Lager' must
necessarily mean beer. They were a bit
rusty in their German. They entered
in. They held up two fingers. that mys-
tic, Masonic signal recognized the world
over, wherever civilization has planted
its bsrnners. They looked knowingly at
the young man. inside, and remarked
simply: 'Buckskin Lager" a
Do you catch on? The young man
didn't He looked amazed, not TO say
afraid, at these strange men from West
ern wilds. But at that moment some of
the wise men caught glimpse, of the
tailor's goose and shears. Then they
caught glimmering. Did they stop to
explain? Ask them, if you are brave
enough. l wasn't, and there is not
much in this world that l would not
dare. A., in-Cincinnua Commercial.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
Reautv of the Telf.,houa.

The way it all came about was this.
Her husband keeps n 2.3T.ery store
down town, and owing tsz2ki highly i'm
flammable temper of his wife, he don't
like to lingcr much around the family
hearth-stone. but while ava: the most
OF his time within the precincts of his
store. The recent introduction of tele-
phone, however, afforded his wife an
opportunity to air her peculiar views on
various topics, and the effect on her
husband was most discouraging.
One day she called him up and opened
out on him at long range in the follow
ing style:
"Is that youp'
"Yes," answered her husband, in a
hard, unnatural voice.
ut is, ehp All right. I suppose you
know what kind of a condition I'm in
this morning. After YOU left me in hys-
terics broke all the breakfast dishes
and scalded both arms irving to drive
Smiths cat out of the house. Oh, you
old Beelzebub! If / could keep you
home long enough to give you piece
of my mind. It's no use to twit me any
more of being church member. I
preacher than you do, SO now. I've got
past that, and every time see the
smirking, hypocritical face of the Rev.
-, I feel just like knocking his head
against the wall. And now if you for
get to bring up some baking powder
and coffee this noon, I'll make a devil
Of lively time for YOU"
When the dinner hour arrived. the
unfortunate man ambled homeward, and
his wife met him in the doorway.
where's that baking powder and
coffeep" she Missed, seeing that he was
empty-handed and his fine features
bathed in an idiotic smile.
Baking powder and coffee?" he in
quired, looking as blank rs a board
fence, "did you order some?"
"Why, yes; didn't l telephone you
about ten o'clock this morningP"
.Mep"
ayes, you, you old leather head; at
least you said twas you.
"Why, at ten o'clock l was around at
the bank 20 get some money for Rev.
-. You know you wanted me to pay
him some on your subscription to the
church, and left him in the office. 1t
can't be that you gave him the order
It's singular, too, he wasn't there when
came back. Shouldn't think he'd run
away and leave his money"
"Why-why, you said" but it was
too much-much too much. The hus-
bands diplomatic strategy had got in
its work. There was no backing out,
and the lady could only go around, lug
ging about horrible secret, which she
now believes is ouly in the keeping of
herself and pastor. And as we go to
press there are no developments in this
domestic tragedy which warrant us in
believing she will ever overcome her an
tipathy for telephones
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
Wouldn't be CAUGHT.

The editor Of the Ierds Siftin0s re-
Gently took trip across the State. and
to judge by the following Incident he
had lively time:
''StOpping ut . water-hele, l dis
mounted" he says, land handed the
doctor cup of water. In rcturningth
cup he let it fall on the ground, startling
my pony and causing him to run about
fifty yards.
''As he stopped and began to Craze, |
paid no attention to him, expecting,
after attending to the demands OF my
thirsty throat, to walk up to him and
mount.
HE let me walk to within five PAGES
of his head. He had no ,biection TO
my walk. The fact is, and / regret to
bear witness to it, he seemed rather to
enjoy seeing me walk.
Just as / was about to reach out to
catch the bride, he walked OF. Then
l began to run. So did he. He evil
IDENTIFY enjoyed this accelerat'or cf
speed on my part, even more thar he
had previously enjoyed my walking
gait. He ran short distance with his
head down, apparently chuckling to
himself ut my discontinue; then, throw
ing his heels up in the mir, he cantered
around me in a circle. neighing in a de-
risive manner.
when l stopped lie would stop. and
wait until l almost caught up with him.
He was always on the alert, however,
and stood with his tail elevated. ready
to go off at the slightest increase of
speed in my movements.
"What added to the interest of the
entertainment was, that when the vie
mustang started, the coffee-pot and other
loose articles Of virtu attached To the
saddle kept Hopping around, increasing
his hilarity and causing him to perform
gratuitOus antics that no one would
have thought the brute capable of per-
forming.
THE result of this was that, from the
moment he started to run, he began
shedding my portable property, loose
articles first, then the contents of my
saddle-bags, one article at a time, leav-
ing train of tin-ware and notions to
mark his erratic course.
This necessitated following in his
tracks, that l might pick up my scat
tered belongings. Here, q toothbrush;
there. a bar of soap; over yonder, u
towel hanging on withered cactus; and
the coffee-pot, with the handle broken
and the lid gone. jammed among the
thorns; further on, my notebook in u
puddle of water, and the photograph of
somebody with golden hair smiling at
me out of bunch of violet-colored
flowers.
"After two hours spent in fruitless
endeayor to catch my pony, and after
trying all manner of deceitful devices
to entrap him, such as walking up to-
ward him with handful of choice
grass. and offering it to him in the most
respectful manner and sweetest tone of
voice. and in holding a hat toward him
in such manner Us to suggest that it
contained about two quarts of shelled
corn.-after all this had failed, he
caught himself by entangling n rope,
that hung loose from his neck, in the
branches of low mesquite"
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
How a Thoughtless Man Los. a Dinner

How a ThOughtless Man Lost Dinner.
On the day before last Thanksgiving
an excellent friend of ours went 10 mar
ket to make provision for his own fami-
". and number of guests who We're
expected at his hospitable board. He
purchased, as was usual at that season,
Il noble turkey of considerable weight
Casting his eye about, he discovered n
small boy with apparently nothing to
do.
"My lad," said he, Il will give you a
shilling to carry this bird home'' a'.
THANK you. SIR" replied the boy; 81
am the one to do il"
The worthy gentleman paid the
money on the spot. but called the re-
ceivcr back to add a bunch of crisp cell
erv and some vegetables to the basket,
after which he went on his way. On
Thanksgiving morning, the host took
his hat and cane for Il walk. when he
was inquired of in his own house what
provision he had made for dinner. o..
why" said he, 1--WE viii have that
turkey, TO be sure. Did you ever see II
fincr?"
What turkcy%' was asked with
marked emphasis.
"Why, that turkey which | sent yes
terday. l told little boy to carry it
home, and gave him q shilling for his
trouble"
.sHe has never brought it,
81 see how it is" replied the host,
laughing, Il forgot to give him my al
dress, and he has carried it home in
deed. The markets are closed now.
We must make Our Thanksgiving u fast
day, "-B0St0s Herald
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
NUMBER IS.
Astouniahed Barber.


Quietly entering barber shop, the
stranger removed his hat and coat and
taking card from his pocket wrote on
it: ,..
81 want to be shaved"
A barber stepping forward, read the
card, and pointing to a chair, said to his
brother artist: t'se. Es.
deaf as a brass-kettle and dumb as
an oyster"
The man Strengthened himself out in
the chair, when his manipulation began
lathering his face. o. p.
.'This deaf cuss has a cheek like a
stone-wall," he said. when general
laugh followed ~
Sound his brain, Bob" put in an
other. r..
Eyes, stick pin in him and see if he
is entirely dumb" said another.
The victim remaining undisturbed the
following shots were fired at him by the
delighted tonsorial artists.
..He needs shampoo, his head is
dirter than a cesspool."
"Tell him his red ,hair needs clipping,
before it sets his topknot on fire. )"
SHAVE him with a stool-leg, don't
spoil your razor on that stubble."
Pull of his boots and air his soiled
hose"
'Gracious! what breath. 1t smells
like a Dutch band of music" ~
''lie ought to rent that nose for a To-
connective headlight" etc, etc, etc.
While all these complimentary allu-
sions were flying about him, the opera
ton of shaving was finished, ard the
man arose, put on his coat, and turning
to the astonished barber, said:
'.How much for the shave and COM
pliments?"
'1-I-I-I," gasped the astonished
man. ''Oh, nothing-nothing, call
again, excuse" and as the stran ger left
the shop, the discounted BARRIERS swore
they would never believe in a deaf and
dumb man again, until they had first
fired a ten pound cannon about his ears.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
The White House Artist.

lie Clare. the artist who painted Gen.
Grant, is to have sittings from the pres
ident soon. I don't know whether he
painted the picture of the Grant family
all in one frame, that hangs in ,one Of
tie lower rooms of the white, house, or
not, but if he did. he ought either to be
broiled on agrfdiron over a slow fire,
OF else = pension of. $50, 0004ia year
should be gigen~him with the thanks of
congress-. There never was outside of
PislM and. Puck, another such funny
picture as'that'of the Grant family, and
the joke is that it IL so exactly like the
Grants. First stands the general look
ing like he always does. then Mrs.
Grant, In gorgeous red velvet robe
with a tail TO e Nike comet, looking
like ths queen SfsSheba. Then theirs
are all the olive branches grouped
around-it's perfectly killing, The VIC
ar of Wakefield fliesin the mind-the
seven Flamborodgh's painted together,
each with al erange.in the hand and as
many sheep a. the painter would put on
for nothing, - Washington Letter.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
Why the Faro Bank Wins.

That is something that great many
clever men who play y great deal
against faro do not know. 1t is not that
there is n steady percentage in the
banks favor in the cases of splits"
but that the bank plays with the most
money, that the bank always wins in
the end. That is a simple enough prop
osition, but is seldom understood. A
bank with $4,000 cash has us many
more chances of winning in the end the
money of a player worth 800 rs tie
banks capital is greater than the play
er's. The player can only lose his 500
once; the bank can lose two hundred
and fifty times before it has reduced its
chances to the players. In other words,
the chances in favor of tho bank, as
quoted, in addition to the percentage on
''splits," is two hundred and fifty to
one. This is susceptible of absolute
mathematical demonstration, yet will
be read with amazcment by many who
occasionally buck the tiger. The or
binary player who goes with ten or
Twenty dollars to lose In - bank having
100000 to lose. can do little Sunday.
morning work i'm figuring out his
chances. of beating the bank. -San
Frnacfsco CdH. ~
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
Arabs Liver.

While we were connected with the
militia of the state it would have been
dislOyal in us to have taken sides with
either England or Egypt in the war that
is going on, to have given advice to
either would have been not only a vio-
lation of our armed neutrality, but
wouh have been an injustice TO the
state that paid us six dollars year for
having resigned the lieutenancy of the
Milwaukee, Light Horse Squadron, and
returned to peaceful pursuits, nations
desiring advice from us can receive it
at the usual rates, and there will be no
improperly i'm the transaction. Since
becoming q common, ordinary citizen,
and taking off the insignia of rank and
power, we have not ceased to take an
interest in warlike matters. To-day we
have been studying over picture of
Arab Bey, in one of the illustrated pa
pcrs, and our practical eye. accnstom-
cal to grasp situation from q casual
glance at aswar map, or n melon field,
has; made it possible to see ut once what
is the matter with Arab, to diagnose
his case in a second. and to be able to
prescribe plan of warfare that would
bring the rebel into camp as soon as the
medicine we should prescribe began to
have its effect. Arab Bey Pasha is bill
ious. That is all that ails him in the
world. His liver is torpid. his stomach
is seured, and, The is simply out of order.
He shows it in his face. His eye balls
are yellow-.this may be on account of
the yellow paper on which the picture
is printed, but he is not well man, this
is certain. He does not need iron ia his
blood, or sugar of lead fired from car
bines. What he wants is blue pills.
Guinine and a liver pad. If the Eng
iish forces will stop shooting shells. bull
lets and sabres, at this saffron colored
rebel, and fire blue pills. quinine, wa
termelOns and liver pads, they can cure
him in week. Guns can be arranged
To shower blue. pills ON his camp, so
that some of them must penetrate his
system. A mortar made to fit liver pads
could be constructed, and all of this
could be done without the loss of q man.
After Arab had got the pills and
things. he would brighten up, and final
ly dishand his army. 1t is dyspepsia
and liver complaint that is causing the.
war. flour advice Is taken it need not
cost much, as We have saved enough
out of our salary in the militia to be in:
dependent for life. San.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27

A member OF the last legislature, who
was less remarkable for the profundity
of his knowledge than for the oyerween-
ing confidence with which he advanced
his opinions upon any and all subjects,
was asked by - fellow-member. of a
somewhat quizzical turn Of mind, while
discussing the NewCode, what he Deem
ed the, proper punishment for arson
"Well," said ne. With an air of profound
deliberations, Il have thought on that
subject a good deal, and have come to
the conclusion that he should pay O.
fine of five hundred dollars and marry
the girl. ~, \ ~ pH-i s.s
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27

The City Of Mexico. rs now and has
been fur some years past the worst in
the world for health, The. papers pub
lish reports showing that FROM Jan. l to
june. so there were in the City of Mexi-
8co 6. 2S7 deaths. 915' births and 1923 mar
riages. At these, Rates the city would
be depopulated in a few years without
RECRUITS from elsewhere = 4
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27

A novel clock has jus been completed
Tor the United States signal service. The
case, which Is made of brass, is air-tight
and OF sufficient hsightfor pendulum
one meter in length. When set up to
run the air will be exhausted from the
case and the movement allowed to run
In . vacuum, and by this means the
atmospheric variation, viii be slightly
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27

The first coins of the United States
were struck with u pnrIralt of Martha
Washington. When George saw, them
he WAS provoked. and ordered the me-
dallion changed. The features were
slightly altered. a cap was put on rthel
head, and thus Mrs., Washington's.po r..
trait was converted into the present one.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27

Franco. with an area of 2o0. 900
square mics has ~ population Of 3d.
600. GOD. as against y population. of 50,-
O00090 in .the Upitsd States. which has
an area of 3,099,g00 square miles. -.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27

Free. libraries are d great power IN
the United States. Forty-nine new ones
We're opened In 1879, containing Sc, 779,
! volumes. makirga total of's. S42 public
libraries of all classes. f
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-10-27
MINNESOTA INTELLIGENCE.

attendance.
& Over sixty men left Duluth Tues
day, Oct. II, for the woods OH the st
Louis river.
Redwing wants a system of water
works, and L. b. Leach of Minneap-
ellis is prospecting. ,*ssa
One hundred and twenty five thou.
sand feet of lumber has arrived for
the new hotel at MoOrehead.
A saloonist OF Mourehead sold
whiSkey TO an Indian. He is in Jail
and the Indian is in the hospital.
Phillip Gaughan, the Faribault
iorse.tliief, was bound over in the
sum OF $500, and in default went to
Jail.
The Lincoln county convention held
at Lake Benton. was a very riotouS
affair and two tickets were put in the
field. u
Two rival blacksmiths of Fergus
Falls, have, deposited 1926 each as
wager as to which can Shoe horse
The best. ..sasly
The new bank at st. Cloud has re.
ceivpd IFS currency and after Monday
VIII lie the First National bank of
st. Cloud. $3.50 q
The Sentfnel, new Democratic
journal, will be started at Lake City
next week 10y Ii. ID. Mckinney and
G. f. Rockwell.
| The Democrats of Winona nomi.
e. F.sBuck, 4 "A. Richardson and Ii.
Becker for the house. s
The State press generally mites in
an earnest appeal to its constituency
Ia arise a.few hours earlier IN the
morning to witness the comet.
| = Tramps broke into freight car be-
tween Glynden and .Moorhead, and
stole some clothing and stomach bit
ters. They were invalid evidently.
The Republicans of Stearns county
have endorsed the Democratic nomi-
necs for county offices, and put. ii.
&. Waiteon the track for State Sena-
| tor. PSI. rA
Monday night. at Brainard, burg.
| lars entered the residence of n. II.
Farrer and carried away $3.50 in
money, a gold watch and a lot of
clothing.
The Republicans of Renville coun-
ty nominated s. :. Niles for the sen.
ate, and III. PaulSvn for the house.
One vi the nominees is for Window
ana lie other is doubtful.
IN
| ~ ,T,se ii"lli y; MN ueions'hs 10
c"t,sIv y co,.s, ." hv s;re VA Ian
morning, Oct. IS.. The loss is estim.
ilcd 1T 580,00O; insurance, $45 900.
r., 49,
rug lioiii o,'i'''is'o VI -Sooies
'Juiits p'Sseu t'iclt usual resolutions
80 "'t"i'ls ."h yeeeeiuat, anu eiec'-
GU "eieS"teS :" .he SThaeoiiai coh'eh-
tHl' 10 NC isiu at Lu'efhe Lo-iior-
row. s.as e.,a
ACCOMPANY of New York children
were placed i'm Fairmont last week.
~" i'f"Re E'e Pieaseo WIN tnem,
anu tiie !se"tt.et Witiiara"s It's opJec-
mons Ia tiie cihidreh 'pehis taken 10
Fairn,ant. Another company will
be taken there the2O. @
Hazelwood's post Office and store
al CASH, Rock WAS broken into and
robbed recently of several hundred
dollars worth of clothing. ssf, worth
of STAMPS ana money of the amount
OF SD. Arewani OF 800 Is offered
for the arrest OF the thief.
ui,nasot. ,,,,harm,n have h.rd
work IN lindinn enouol, oven for the
lunirr cannsS and thew conn. hioh
too Prices ranue in The country nm:
mnrtb wLc,e thpv are nnrchased.
from s,55 TO 300. the Latter iianre
ha;ng.f,r a seven font nine inch Woke