The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1882-06-28
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

"Do YOU play poker, Mrs. Schenk-
walesY ~ do; I play it on MIR.
Schenkwales' head sometimes"
"NEvER send present hoping for ono
In return" Never. Get your present
first, always, and send yours when you
have time.
"Is THE General on the retired list?"
they asked OF his wife the other evening.
"Retired no, indeed y she replied;
"he's down TO the club playing poker"
JONES accompanied by his dog Snap)
meets Brown, who accosts him With,
"Good morning, Jones; how's your dog
Snap?' Jones" Pretty well, l thank
you how are your"
IMAGINE the indignation Of IN Ameri-
Can boy in French school, who in
history class is told how Lafayette, the
great French General, triumphed in the
Revolution, assisted by Washington.
"JUsT taste that tea," said old Hyson
to his better half, at the supper table,
the other evening. "Well, there doesn't
seem to be anything the matter with it.
1 can't taste anything" Neither can l,
and that's what I'm growing at"
FIRST SwE1n-"I never did like
May not nearly so pretty as Mary :
wonder they don't change the name OF
the month to Mary" Second Swell
"Clevaw ideaw, by Jove; make awys-
taws good to June, you know
MoDEsTY: "Do you pretend to have
rs good judgment as l have p ex-
claimed an enraged wife to her husband.
"Well, no." he replied slowly, "our
choice Of partners for life shows that my
judgment is not to be compared with
yours"
A FRENCH officer said to Swiss Col
onel "How is it that your countrymen
always fight for money, while We French
always fight for honor ?" The Swiss
shrugged his shoulders and replied II
suppose it is because people are apt to
fight for that which they need most"
81 UNDERSTAND that Brown is IN
trouble, said Smithson. eyes," replied
Fogg. Brown was at the auction shop
the other day. They had silver pitches.
and Brown offered to take it-offered tc
take it for nothing, you know. Well,
the Sheriff took him up. That's all"
IT Is quite proper idea for young
lady to paint bunch Of pansies on
fresh-laid egg and toward it by special
messenger to her best gentleman friend.
This signifies "Pa is Matching another
scheme against you. Come 'over the
garden wall this evening"" The inter-
est now begins. s.-New Haven Register.
UNCLE NED lost dollar the other day,
and when he went home he called up his
,, eldest son. "Come heah, boy, and set
down. Dis am q queer worl', anyway,
boy; jis' wen yo' think yo' am layin' on
. feathers on walkin' on roses-slap an
dar yo' is, flat in de mud, playin' tattoo
Wild yo' heels on mex to muffin. - Oil
= city Derrick.
), TERRIBLE fate Of kind-hearted girl :
According to q truthful Indian newspa-
per, hungry lion invaded O young
(, ladies' seminary on commencement day,
" and, bouncing in among them, carried
y off the prettiest and plumpest, with her
- composition in her pocket--a schoolgirl
y" essay on kindness to animals.
n "How profoundly still and beautiful
a is the night" she whispered, resting her
4 finely.veined temple against his coat
i collar and fixing her dreamy eyes on the
/, far-oif Pleiades, show soothing, how
n restful." "Yes," he replied, toying
" with the golden aureola Of her hair
:. "and what night to shoot cats."-
X Brooklyn Eagle.
ID "LooK var, Glen, don yo' be growlin
ut bout dc scaceness on dem var trousers
Dcy's got as much war in 'em yit a
r dem shanks o yo'n, eben Of yo' fade
did tram 'roun' in 'em mon forty year
id He didn't hab no sich a'rs He'd b
of prancin' 'roun' in 'em yit, and be prou
ir 'nuff oh de chance, Of dar wuz any Ca
IL sion for gearmints whar he's gone."--
Rome Sentinel.