Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-09-06


SEPTEM
WIT AND HUMOR.
Atlanta has pretty female shoe
maker, but such an institution can
not last.-Free Press.
Many people think Ananias was an
amateur fisherman.-New Orleans
Picayune.
Lightning struck brewery in Mil
waukee the other night, and made
things hop.-Hawkeye.
Boarding house logic: Whom the
gods love die young. The gods do
not love spring chickens.-Puck.
The average hotel waiter is a per-
feet prodigy at cards-he takes every
thing with his tray.-New Jersey En-
terprisc.
Latin is dead language, and that
is why doctors use it for writing out
their prescriptions.-New Orleans
Picayune.
No man that ever lived can clinch |
an argument without riveting his op-
ponent's attention.-Andrews' Amer
ican Queen.
1t is a singular freak which ladies
have that of making their new bonnets
match everything but their husbands
tbooks.-Cheek.
1t is observable that several church |
conventions at Saratoga somehow hap
pen to get there the week of the
great races.-Boston Post.
The number of cards in pack be-
ing fifty-two suggests that "seven-up"
is the proper game to play once week
for year.-New York World.
"How to Travel" is the title of a
little book just out. How to get the
money to travel with is the most Sc
rious question of the fitting season.
-Picayune.
A Parcel Of experts recently inter-
rupted lot of fishermen off Long
Island, and proceeded to hold an
autopsy on the catch. They had
heard the fish were in seine.-Cheek.
"Well, old fellow, what are you
doing now?' Nothing; but I've a
big scheme OH foot. Lots of money
in it" "A-ah What is it?" "I'm
going into clearinghouse" "A-ah
After dark French Paper.
Carlino's wife goes out to work.
The other day, as she reproached him
for getting up so late, he replied
"Ah, madam, l sleep very slowly,
and | need in consequence much more
time for repose than ou."-French
Paper.
A Sunday school teacher read to
his class that the Ethiopian eunuch
went on his way rejoicing after Philip
had talked with him, and then ask
ed: "Why did he rejoice?" A boy
answered.: Because Phillipwas done
teachin' him."-Ex.
"Are you certain of securing the
diadem ?" asked the minister of the
dying man. And when he said he
"didn't want to diadem Bit" the min
ister and the doctor flew, and as a
natural consequence, the man got
better.-Jewelers' Circular.
The Hungarians have a national
dance" the csardas'-intended to
represent the unquiet course of true
love-" We have never seen the dance,
but presume the greater part of it con-
sists of an elderly gentleman kicking
a young man off the front stoop.-
Hawkeye.
The following notice by Virginia
blacksmith indicates readjuster senti-
ment on the part of Moses partner:
"Notis: De copartnership heretofore
resisting betwixt me and Nose Skin
ner is hereby resolved. Dem what
owe the firm will settle wild me, and
dem what the firm owe will settle wild
Moses
A deacon and his pastor had per-
sonal difficulty. The latter, in very
excited manner said: "Do you know
what the ID. ID. at the end of my
name means?" doctor of Divinity"
"No, sir /; it stands for Death to Dea-
cons" At the next church confer
ence the pastor had the deacon turn
ed out.-Christian Union.
|
Remarkable quickness at repartee
was displayed by an actor of Belleville
Theater, when some one threw the
head of a goose on the stage. Ad-
vancing to the front, the player said
Gentlemen, if any one amongst you