The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1882-03-11
SPICE AND ALESPlCE.

me liberty or give me breath.
IF they go vacciuating my baby, down
comes their circus Mother of the In
FAINT Elephant. -LoujSUiLte Courier
Journal.
A CANADIAN editor was chased by
wolves few weeks ago. He was prob
| ably tracy" writer.-St Louis Hor-
net
The Texas boy Will never know on
which side his bread is bI1ttered so long
as he spreads it with New York oleo-
margarine and Massachusetts apple
sauce NeaO Orleans Pic0yasne.
SULKY plows," said farmer Reapen-
bind, "not any for me; I've lived nigh
onto thirty years with sulky wife, an
| don't want any more sulks on the
place. "-Marath0n independent
A FRENCH artist gave his last work to
porter to convey 10 the Salon. Be
careful, be careful, said he, "the pic
ture is scarcely dry" so never mind"
exclaimed the porter, "my clothes are
old"
A LITTLE girl 8 years old, having at
tended soiree, being asked by her
mother on returning how she enioyed
herself, answered: " am full of happi-
ness; [ couldn't be any happier unless |
could grow. "-Readilag Times and
Dispatch.
YOUNG man, if you had one and two
thirds tons of gold coin, you would be
worth just million dollars. Every lit
tie piece of gold you get hold of throw
into the junk pile until you accumulate
that weight. You can then sell it and be-
come a rich man. -NeaU HQUen ReQis-
ter.
WHEN young Jerry stuffed his fathers
tobaccO-box with wad of combings the
other evening, and the ancient perched
himself in the cleaning and loaded his
mouth for an evenings chew, the family
prayers were dispensed with and the bed
Stat became intimate with the boy with
out any mattress accompaniment.
An Andover Mass man committed
suicide by drinking pint of ink. If he
had used the pale, economical, watery
tiuid that is such a passion with some of
our contributors, he might have drank a
gallon of it and lived for fifty years.
burlington HaaOkeye.
A YOUNG man in great rage told two
friends that he had just had his face
slapped. 4" Ha " said the friends, eve
will rush off and demand satisfaction.
What !" he said, ga duel, too! Not
much. Don't you call having your face
slapped enough ?"-Paris Figaro.
TRADEsMAN (to country customer who
has come to complain of the quality of
his lucifer matches)-" Not light? Why,
have OILY to draw them smartly across
my corduroy breeches, and they blaze
instantly" Customer = " Yes, but
what's that to NE? l can't come a
matter o four mile for your old
breeches every time we wants a light -.
81 TELL you, said the canvasser,
"you have no idea of the hard work
there is in this business. 1t is either
talking or walking from morning till
night" BEG pardon, replied the vic
tim; 81 have a pretty distinct idea of
the talking part OF your programme.
Now please favor me with an exhibition
of the walking part" The canyasser ex-
hibited.
CAPTAIN PERCIvAL, a Cape Cod
mariner of the old school, was once
awakened in his bunk by a shipmate
with the announcement that the vessel
was going to eternity. "Well," re-
piled the captain, GIVE got ten friends
over there to one in this world: let her
60" And he tnrned over and went to
sleep again.
AN old topper offered his ten-year-old
boy new nickel if he would fetch him
a dark bottle that stood in the corner of
the pantry shelf without his mothers
discovering it. The lad secured the
prize and was making off with It when
his mother suddenly yelled "What
have you got IN the bottle, Johnny ?"
Z" don't know" answered the innocent
boy; "it's labeled tomato sauce, but it
smells just like dads breath"
HERE is an example of the mastery
way IN which a woman can meet an
emergency. A wldower who had added
unto himself second rib, which he af-
forwards found could be denominated
"a spare rib, " was in the habit of re-
ferring to rib No. l as perfection, which
was certainly exasperatlng to the last
degree. One day he even went so far as
to say that he was sorry she had died.
The spare rib at once replied: Believe
me, my dear, you can not possibly re-
greet her loss as mnch as [ do"
"MY DEAR" said Mr.. Cranky to his
better three-quarters, chow is it that
you are always losing your keys? Have
you no memory? How often have [
asked you as personal favor to tie your
keys in some way to your waist, as the
housekeepers of old used to do; why
don't You hang them up in one particular
place? How is it that | never lose my
keys?" 60 l don't have so many" Well,
that doesn't matter. l keep them always
in my pocket. Found them inside the
umbrella, have You? Well, now, sup
pose you can put them where you can
find them the next time ?"-AndreaCs'
Queen.
THE Woman's Journal saws: ga
funny story is told of Belva Lockwood,
the female lawyer of Washington. 4
witty fellow was once her opposing
counsel and when he desired to refer to
the Hon. Belva was perplexed. He
couldn't say my BROTHER as he did
when speaking of the lawyer who wore
pants. He didn't like to say my sister,
oot of respect to that expression. He
sent smile over the room by referring
to Belva as my sister-in-law, but she
certainly looked daggers at him"
DECIDED steps ought to be taken to cure a
Cold or Cough at once. We should recommend
DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup. This valuable medi-
cine is Endorsed by the physicians and you can
rely on its doing the work every time.