Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-10-18
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.


Boston Com. Bulletin.
VIsrroR-" Amt them pretty old ducks
for a base ball nine ?" Rector Nv
dear sir they 're not ball players; it is the
theological faculty of my college .
Puck
"N. ". PREFERRED" my husband
mutters in his sleep, and [ know as well
as l want to that he means that nasty
whisky. L can tell it by his breath !
Syracuse Herald.
A MOTHER who fondly put the query
to her young son, "What would you do
without q mother, Tom?" was dumb
founded with the reply: 's DO as I like,
ma. "-Bosto2e STAR
The chronological Journal declares
that whistling is good for the lungs, and
we know hundred boys in Detroit VINO
are lungs clear down to their boots
Detroit Free Press.
WE'LL, I shall do my best to have JUS
tice done you;" said the lawyer to his
client. "Indeed, il you are going to do
that, " replied the rascal, 81 think I'd
better be off at once"
The newest style in earrings is minia-
| ture lanterns.-N. Y. Com. Adv. Bet
ter be lantern cared than lantern. iawed,
but girls are apt to be ight~headed.-
Boston Conn. Bulletin.
"YoU'RE as sweet as q peach. =" he
said, patting her softly on the cheek.
Yes, she mu1mured, smuggling still
nearer 10 him, "Im a cling-stone. .
RockiGnd Courier Gazette.
SEVERAL Of our exchanges are devoring
considerable space to the importance of
"cooking girls" It's no use. We
don't want them cooked. The raw dam
sci is good enough for us.-Hartford
Times.
Mrs. PARTINGToN bonored us with a
call this morning. She is looking WE'LL
and she says she is like the windows of
renovated house-all the old panes
are out of her, and the pneumatics are
things of the past.-B0st0n Star.
con, Mr.. Smith," exclaimed Gertie,
"may [ go With Won and see your nice
little puppies?" "What do you mean,
Gertie?" exclaimed her father in aston
ishment. ''Why papa" said Gertie,
didn't you say Mr.. Smith was going to
the dogs?"
$50 you were slave before the warp"
y
Had hard time in life, eli 2" ''Specs
[ has, massat" "Ever sold?' "Golly,
yes, massa. Some Teller put lot half
dollar on de sidewalk, only dis mawnin',
sab; I was sold by DAT. - Boston Post.
"MY son, said Philadelphia father,
" whenever you start to do a thing,
never bali do it. "Must ] always do
both halves ?" asked the hopeful son.
eyes, " was the reply. And then the
lad who had stealthily devoured half a
pie sneaked back into the pantry and
gobbled the other half
The editorials in nearly ali the New
York papers on the political situation in
Pennsylvania are about as accurate and
reliable as the Frenchman's book on
America, in which he locates the state of
Ohio in Boston, California IN Philadel-
phia, and speaks OF President Iilden A.
Chester.-N0rT. Herald.
81 BELIEVE you are q fool, John"
testify exclaimed Mrs. Miggs, as her
husband unwittingly presented her the
promptly dropped and broke. yes"
he added, resignedl7, " that's what the
clerk told me when [ went TO take
out my marriage license. "--Bg'ookly1t
Eagle.
HEARD in a boarding house: 81 can't
bear grizzly meat" said the gruff old
bachelor. ''Neither can I a grizzly
bear, ;" chimed In the boss ST the rancho,
as she looked daggers at the first speaker.
It wasn't very funny, but every body ex-
cept the bachelor smiled, and the land
lady served up chickens for dinner that
evening.
"Whose statue is that?" asked we'll
known member of the New York judi
clary Of his companion, as they were rid
ing through the park one Sunday last
summer. "Why, that's humboldt"
replied the other. g What in thunder
did they want to give Humboldt a statue
for ?" said the Judge; "be never did
nothing but invent buchu."
Spa" said the inquisitive small boy,
sc what do they mean by unanimous ?"
sc Unanimous, my son, unanimOus-ah.
why, when all the men want the same
thing, that's unanimous. Politicians
is all unanimous, amt they, pa?" "No,
my son, not by jugful" "Well, I
don't see why, 'cavse they all want
office, anyhow. Te1aaa Oddities.
A VERY quick child made an observa-
ton to her governess the other day,
which had great deal of truth in 1t.
s. How is it, my dear, inquired the lady
SO that you do not understand this sim
pie thing?" CT do not know, indeed"
she answered, with a perplexed look;
g but [ sometimes think have SO many
things to learn, that [ have not time to
Chow much shall I make of this ?"
asked the reporter of the city editor, re-
erring to an attempt at burglary where
,he midnight marauder was frightened
away by the cries of woman. -Four
words, +" laconically responded the news
handler. After studying the matter
carefully the reporter condensed half
column account into, $ Woman yelled;
burglar pell-melled. y
You know how it is In country vii
age. Neighbors are always guying and
oking each other. Well, the other
light, in certain New Hampshire town,