Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-11-27

We read frequently of some person
whose hair has turned white in single
night through grief or fear, but the white
haired man who goes into barber-shop
and comes out in half an hour with hair
and whiskers black as the ravens wing
never gets line in the paper.
A little six-year-old boy went into the
country visiting. About the first thing
he got was bowl of bread and milk. He
tasted it, and then hesitated a moment,
when his mother asked if he didn't like
it; to which he replied. smacking his lips !:
Eyes. ma'am. was only wishing that
our milkman in town would keep a cow"
In her story ''Dr. Zay, !" Elizabeth Stuart
Phelps tells about an old woman in Maine,
whose description of the misfortunes of
her son reminds one of Ohio. She said ::
.He had the measles, n the chicken pork,
n the mumps, N fell in love with the
schoolma'am, n got religion, n lost the
prize for elecootin, all in one darned
winter"
very quick child made an observation
to her governess, the other day, which
had great deal of truth in it. 'sHow is
1t, my dear, inquired the lady, 'tthat you
do not understand this simple thing?" 'I
do not know, indeed" she answered, with
a perplexed look: 'but sometimes think
| have so many things to learn that have
not time to understand"
Josh Billings knows why they are call
ed polecats: Because it is not conven.
lent tew kill them with klub, but with a
pole, and the longer the pole the more
convenient. Writers on natural history
disagree about the right length ov the
pole used, but would suggest that the
pole be about 365 feet, especially if the
wind is in favor of the kat"
An old negro professed to be indiffer
ent as to future state, believing thai
"dey'n make niggers work eben in heab
en-" A clergyman tried to argue him ou
OF his opinion by representing that ther,
was no work for him or anyone else to dc
in heaven. "You gwo way, massa." wa.
his reply; 81 know better! If dere's n,
oder work for culled pussons up dere
dey'll make him shub de clouds 'long!"
Professor Proctor may tell within th
sixteenth of an inch the length of com
ets tail, and Professor Huxley give u
the exact weight and age of the earth
and Heber Spencer evolve more philoso
ply in one day than the average man ca
understand in six months; but when
comes to determining the ripeness of
watermelon from its exterior, the triun
virate of scientific sharps must take
back seat and let the Southern colore
man, who never had days SCHOOLING
step to the front.
Senator VOORHEES, thought he had aske
. poser in recent speech in Indian
when he inquired: s'My farmer friend
what is to become of your great corn cro
in this country if prohibition is adopted
There was brief pause, and then an O
, democratic farmer spoke up, saying ssI
| understand, Mr.. Voorhees,, that VI
really want an answer to that question
ssYes, my friend,"- said the senate
i Strengthening himself to his full heigh
j 81 am asking for information" ssWe
: then" continued the farmer, 81 will t,
!. you what we will do with our corn Gro
+ Well raise more pork and less hell"
IS Perhaps no medicine is SO universally required a
good cathartlc Swaynes Pills are prepared expires
d to meet this necessity being composed of purely v
l. etable ingredients, Of which podophyn or mandra
: sarsapara, yellow dock and other conceutra
Juices enter largely into their compositions the VIII
!; strength of which is extracted on an entirely
a. principle. They mild in their operation, and
30 truly valuable aperient and antbilious medici
I'd They stimulate the liver to healthy action, cea
= = the stomach and bowels of all impurities Cur
IS, sick and nervous headache dyspepsia or indfges