The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-12-23
The PARAGRAPH FIExD.

*
milk IN il.
Patients do more for doctors than doc
tors can do for patients, The patients ena'
BILE the doctors TO live.
Mrs. Lang,ry says she never reads the
papers Mrs. Lsngtry doesn't know what
she is misslng.-Cht. Tribune.
Mrs. Labouchere says that her husband
Inns cabled her to come home. New forms
of insanity arc developed every year.-I6.
A careless talking acquaintance used to
define swearing as the unnecessary use of
protane language"
A grated tree in Holmes County, Miss,
bore peaches last year, and this year bore
plums. The owner dubs it the Ben Butler
tree.
The Rev. DR.. Hicks. who was spiritual
adviser to Gulteau, announces that the as.
sassin Is not in hell. This is the strangest
disappearance we ever heard of.
Anna Dickinson says she is not going
to retire from the stage. 1t Will be re
membered that the stage cannot retire.
Cha. Tribune.
"Who shall decide when doctors disa.
gree?" Really we don't know who
should, but around here the coroner usual.
ly does.
Regarding the difficulty of writing in
the vein Of Sophocles or Eschylus, 1t
seems perfectly natural that the Attic can
only be reached by the highest flights.
Isn't i. little singular that Peter, who
had been IN the habit of gong a fishing,
should have been SO staggered at the little
lies told by Ananias and Sapphira?
Marshal Henry says that it will not be
an easy matter to find his successor. His
successor, like Spencer, must be an lmpor-
tant witness IN the star.route cases.
The OHIO editors now in Florida do not
care for snakes. They carry "curanter"
in the side pocket. The benevolent peo-
pie of Ohio do not tax snake bite cures.
Mr.. Virgins, u Canadians astronomer,
predicts great storms on the 14th of next
March. lie is understood to expect a visit
from his mother.in-law at that date.
A correspondent suggests that the name
of Washington &c changed to Whitewash'
ington, on account of its facilities In that
line.
1t knocked man about crazy to find
that the button he had "by mistake" put
in the contribution box was one of a set
for bus wnlc's sacquc, and they cost 81
cents apiece.
London Oueen.-"A gentleman should
only offer his left arm to his wife. The
only time when a lady Is placed on gen
tleman's left is during the marriage ser
vice, when the position indicates subjec
lion"
The tighttrOusers era has developed
such a tremendous crop of thin'legget
young men that it is almost impossible t
believe that any other kind is raised II
this country.
Boston has been Mortified by Mrs. Lang
try. 1t was not on account of her intlmac,
with young Gebhardt but because at din
ner in public restaurant she title baCl
IN her chair and rocked herself, took OF
her hat and played with the feather, ant
used her knife and fork In gestlculatlng.
They had a shower OF cats IN an Indian
town the other day, and every body got uu
der cover to escape the shower OF boots
Jacks that was expected to follow.-PhiI0
delphia Bulletin.
4 south end woman keeps only one ser
want to do her work, instead of two. Sh
says help are always leaving, and whel
you are left alone It's much easier to d.
the work of one servant than of two.-BO,
ton Post.
The London Times says that the womel
of Cyprus have finally thrown away thel
wells, refusing to follow the good old east
ern custom any longer. As consequence
the men are all leaving the country. Tn
women Of Cyprus must have a.Boston ex
preston.
The Boston Post says that "some on
pinned "A card OF Warranted Fresh to III
cloak Of Chicago woman the other day
and she walked the streets tor two hour
with it," 1t Is not often, however, tina
Chicago women are mistsken tor Bostol
editors-Chi. Tribune.
Uncle Rufus Hatch was slightly "mixed
the other day in his testimony before tn
legislative committee now in session il
New York investigating the subject G
corners. In the early par; of his testmon
he said, "a man who will sell what he ha
not LOT ought to 20 to state prison." bu
afterwards he admitted that he Is some
times bear and sells Short" that il, sell
what he hasn't got.
A wellto-do farmer created a sensatio
at Reading, Pa, last week, by bringing hi
three young and handsome daughters int
court as the plaintiffs in three separate az
tons for breach of promise of marriage
As the roads are unusually good this VIII
ter it is thought that some OF the youni
men may get away.
AS Christmas is near at hand, we ma
expect to see in our 81. LOUIS exchange