Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-04-06

APRIL FOOLS day don't come but
once year and thank the lord for it,
We virtiously obtained from appropriate
ing sundry pocket books last Saturday
that seemed bullying out with the fruits
Of the mint and had reached the even
ing with a peaceful calm which was
just too beautiful to contemplate, worth
twenty-five cents, regular discount TO
children, at the least. At the last mo-
ment, we proposed to devote our re-
manning half dollar to charity and view
the PhgniX. That resolution we are
now morally certain was a mistake.
When we noticed the droop of the south
east corner OF Fenton'S mustache as he
dropped the pasteboards down the bal
lot box at the door we knew our time
had come and we were not mistaken.
What old guy was it that got off that
story about male bird of the eagle
persuasion that returned to life through
the fiery furnace. Ii was male bird
because if it had been of the opposite
gender she would have had to be sure
that her dress hung properly and that
her back hair was all right before COM
ing up through the trap and by that time
the fire would have gone out and the
show been busted for the season How
ever it don't matter who the inventor Of
that campaign dodge was. 1t is fortu-
nate for he, she, or it, as the case NAV
be, that they we're not present Saturday
night The PhGniS that exhibited it
sclfat that time looked like blue game
after the seventh round in run Of bad
luck. The noble bird appeared as
though he had been dealt bobtail flush
in the game of life for six months pre-
vious Mt least
Jack Lane was considerably astonish-
ed to find his butter jars growing coal,
but he would have felt cold chill Of
horror shoot down his spinal column if
he had paid hard cash to enter the hall
that evening.
Dl. Odgers missed his mustache but he
missed the coin of the realm that he
dropped into Thode's hand more when
he gaspingly found his way out after
the curtin went down
Jed was terribly troubled with vision
of white eats but he would have had a
nightmare of worse than white eats il
he had planked down good half dollar
to get inside Genes hall to see the
PhTnix.
1t was the best first of April joke OF
the season and To think how seriously
they all went through their parts
Haven'S nose would have made Il for.
tune fora revenue officer, and the way
Aida Lawrence hauled French out OF
that burning building made all the BOYS
wish they were in French's place.
1t is true there are some Slight discre-
pancies which showed the author had
not been out with the boys at Bectowr
or Bloomington, We noticed Fred,
eyes protrude and OraS fingers WORK
convulsiyely when Meredith propC 20
to have himself dealt four aces and hi.
! opponent Il full hand at euchre. o
course i'll our ignorance we were no
aware of the full size of the discrepanc,
until Fred explained that four aces wa
better than u bobtail flush and then W,
saw that Milt Mobiles hadn't been Their,
at all. If he had consulted Daily o
Jehiel.bcfore he allowed that play /.
come ont they could put him straight il
Just twenty seconds by Decker. clock
However, after all the play looked aatu
raj. Jack said it made him think of oil,
times at the Coliseum in Chicago an,
the fact that the noble bird appeare,
minus its tail feathers and rather bal,
on the back, was lost in the vista of fon,
memories.
The celebrity with which that drama O
Mobiles went through sent feeling o
relief to the souls of those who had beer
remembered in the way of comps
Talk about the editorial scissors: tn
shears of n theatrical company with
bad house and an aching desire to re
through can distance them any time hes
two in three. time aud distance barred
Mobiles never could enjoin the boys from
playing that kind Of Phoenix Tn,
burden of the proof would rest strougt
with him to show any proprietorship il
that play. They've got him there. Blu
we forgive them. Perhaps they had con
scientioaS Scruples against encroachine
( on the sabbath too closely, perhaps tn,
old bird was sick and didn't want tt
appear, perhaps they remembered il
was the first Of April. Perhaps -bu,
reasons multiply, the column is full
enough, we are only getting deeper in
TO tangle every minute.