The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-12-22
WIT AND WISDOM.

When Russian is too lazy to scratch
for living he has himself arrested for q
Nihilist.
Though not much of a conversation
alist, a mute might get along very nicely
in a spoke factory.
They say you can sell spawned
horse to an Illinois man by telling him
it's Queen Anne style.-Boston Post.
The coat-tail Irritation is the latest.
A wrinkled coat tail bearing the dusty
toe marks means Il have spoken to
your father"
-"Why is a young man like kernel
of corn?' asked a young lady. "Be-
cause" said another, "he turns white
when he pops"
Women are such queer creatures
that no man can understand them. In
deed. it has been generally conceded
that the only way to md a woman out
is to call when she is not i'm. y
Herald.
-"You see, my child, this turtle
one of the wonders of creation-he
furnishes the best combs that are made
and yet he cannot use one, as he hash t
single hair to comb.
The mean velocity o. gyration in a
tornado is discovered to be Ia meters
in a second. but Blue Island avenue
girl waltzing can give it three laps and
beat it.-CatcagO Herald.
When things come to such pass in
Idaho that m n are shot by an angry
boarding house-keeper Just because they
refuse to eat his tishballs. we don't
wonder that young Lochinyar came out
of the West. -----s----
"A quaint old minister was once
asked what he thought of his two sons,
who were both preachers. "Well," he
replied, George has better show in
his shop window than John, but John
has a larger stock in his warehouse"
Mr.. Corcoran is eminently wise in
deciding that an all-sufficient epitaph
for the proposed monument is ''Author
of Home, Sweet Home" The home
less poet would have wished no other,
and literary ingenuity could devise no
better. -sE
"A clerk in an eminently respectable
house was instructed to prepare an ad-
vertisement and have it inserted in the
newspapers. He prepared one which
read: 1.-The pot scoOped! We hold
four aces to the bob-tail flush of any
other house in town on fine table,
Cloths
CHARLES Lamb represented the ordi-
nary church-gOer. ''You don't seem
to be any better for what said to yon."
complained his friend NO" was the
beautiful and charitable reply, "but
the man who sat near me must be, be-
cause it all went in at one ear and out
at the other"
"A Perthshire minister, more skill
full as an angler than popular as a
preacher, was once giving advice to
parishioner on the benes,s of early ris-
ing, and mentioned as an instance that
he had, few mornings before COM
posed a sermon and killed salmon be-
fore breakfast. lin fact. SIR" said he
with dissatisfaction, cit is a feat on
which 1 plume myself greatly,
"Aweel. sir" was the pointed reply,
~ wud much rather haze had yer sau-
man than yer sermon"
-"Several members of the congre-
CATION" remarked the Rev. Esaias
Plushpounder, just before giving out
irely too long. Well. brethren, that
pay be true; but it is equally true that
the collections are always very short,
and between the pulpit and the pews.
we average things about right" And
then the good old man sailed in, and let
them have clear through to 7thly and
1890 o'clock, but they ratified MIN a
collection that fairly made the baskets
reak.