The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
hoarselr as he heard the rroans.


"Howl for copy, will you?" he
chuckled de6antly. I'll give You copy
that will make your hearts ache"
And he wrote more wildly than ever,
and only said, "Hi, hal" when word
came that the distracted proof-reader
in the next room had hanged himself.
Next morning. while Godfrey Stiehl-
pen slept. the Tdnlboree was opened Mt
thousand II ppy breakfast tables, and
joy was turned into mourning, as, amid
weeping and wailing and gnashing of
teeth, the first thing the subscribers
read was as follows:
A PHANTOM Hoss.-Ben Harrigan
came all the way to our office last even
ing to tell us that he had just received
an imported invertebrate thoroughbred
from England, magnificent stopper,
with record of 2 %, that cost him
5000. Warnock, ut whose stables this
matchless wondeFis housed, informs us
that it is a Maxall county horse, IL
years old, and worth about $40 for
ladys driving. 1t seems to us Harrigan
lies worse as he draws nearer the grave.
After this came the annexed para
graph:
CHEAP PIG.-Farmer Thstlepod
dragged us seven blocks through the
scorching sun yesterday down to a
freight depot to see his new 5000 i'm
ported pig Marshall Henry afterward
told us that it was pig that had been
in pound for three weeks, and Thistle
pod only paid - for it. 1t is the gem
uine prairie-schoone breed, with a
snout thirtv-eight inches long, and can
Jump stake-and-rider fence without
touching hoof. Thistlepod has al
ways been notorious for keeping miser-
able stock.
The usual eulogistic personal" par
agraph was supplanted by the follow
ing;
PERsoNAL.-Old Archie Mcintosh
left town last evening to the great de-
light of all his acquaintances-he has
no friends-for o trip to Mud Lake.
He left note for us, stating that he
was going for his health. This means
a two weeks drunk We wonder who
lent him enough money to get out of
town?
But the browning glory of the Morn
ting TdmbOree was the concert notice.
1t read as follows:
GRAND CoNCERT.-The regular annu-
al exhibition of good clothes and bad
music, that has grown TO be a feature of
the musical world in Shawneetown,
came off last evening at the Opera
House. Every seat in the hall was
taken, for our patient community has
become accustomed TO this infiiction,
and submits to it without a murmur
four or five times year, very much as
they take quinine in the spring.
Those people who came stamping in
late, as usual, after the Shawneetown
style, are to be congratulated this time,
as they escaped hearing the "Arion
Quartette" sing Here i'll Cool Grot.
1t it due to the "Arion Quartette, how
ever, to say this was not The worst sing
ing of the evening. The audience
thought it certainly would be the worst;
and so, indeed it was, until later in the
evening the same quartette butchered
Come Where my Love Lies Dreaming"
1t was dreadful beyond description, and
the deafening applause which followed
it only testified the great JOY of the
audience on being assured that the
"Arion Quartette' would sing no more
that evening.
Miss Abigail McGinnessy rendered
recitative and aria, by Cappola, in the
manner that has long ago become so
sadly familiar to our suffering people,
and is always q source of profound en-
barrassment to the accompanist, who
foundered along last night in the pa.
tient but vain hope of getting even with
the singer somewhere by scrambling
across lots, and heading her off in some
unusu lly-prolonged run. But this was
impossible, and singer and accomparist
were never within six bars of each other
during the whole of the alleged per-
Torrance. Mr.. Poundaway, the time
honored accompanist in all these af-
fairs, by the way, did even worse than
usual last evening. We are panied TO
notice that his habit of playing on the
edge of the piano, two inches away
from the keys, grows upon him, and he
should either change his drinks or his
vocation.
Mrs. Bangalon played Monastery
Bells" as usual 1t was disguised un-
der French name in the programme;
but every one knows what is coming
after Mrs. Bangalon finally gets the
piano moved into precisely the right
place-which is always just where it
stood before she had moved it the first
time. and, after seating herself for the
fiftieth time, finally concludes to remain
seated. Mrs. Bangalons unvarying
habit of wearing her gloves to the piano
and occupying seven minutes in remov-
ing them. is not an aflectation. 1t is an
act of mercy, and gives the people near
est the door an opportunity TO slip out
before she begins to play. The report
ers of the city press used to go out at
this time: but, since Bangalon has taken
to standing at the door TO watch refu
gees, they have, with excellent taste and
better Judgment, abandoned the custom,
and silently swallowed their full cup of
misery As Mrs. Bangalon left the
stage, Joab Grabey, who WAS asleep in
tie gallery, fell off his chair, and, mis-
taking the noise for an encore, Mrs.
Bangalon returned and pounded out
the "Maiden's Prayer" Somebody
ought to kill that man Grabey.
Professor" Sownpost played violin
solo-De Beriot's Seventh Air" Every
I 4 Il 4 i a A