Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-19
NEWSPAPER W.T..

a bad neighborhood- Translated from
the Black Maria Lawyer-"Do You, wit
ness, know whether with their mouths
about their each other the neighbors much
talking there do?" Witness to smile
| myself should be about to be. If in q
band. box one tightly sealed up was, that
such too esthetic for friendship was the
neighbors with heads freely wagging would
over-the fence between.two-b back yards tell
each other.-[Louisville Courier Journal.
Is Mr.. Vanderbilt in ," asked gentle.
man of a person who was lounging at the
| entrance of the officers apartments at the
Grand Central depot, New York. The lat.
| ter regarded his interrogation with look of
mingled pity and contempt as he answered !:
In! Well. should say SO. Lake Shore
stock was 9S three weeks ago, and now its
ll2, He's in about $500, 900 if he's in a
cent. "-[Brooklyn Eagle.
| 1t is now known that the moon has an
atmosphere, and there is reason 70 believe
that it is inhabited by race which has
| advanced far beyond the people of earth in
| science and mechanics. Who knows but
that they may have telescopes SO powerful
that they can watch our lovers in their
moonlight promenades. Show this to your
daughter when she goes out for stroll
with Charles Augustus. Philadelphia
News.
A commercial traveller, who ia something
OF wag, thus relates his experience He
aud his companions were the sole occupants
of the smoking car. They tried to con-
verse, but the road was so rough they were
pitched from side to side like ships passen-
gers. At last they were able to make each
other understood. One said, "Dan, the
old thing is running smoother" To which
Dan replied, Yes, guess che has got off
the track. II Rome Sentinel.
"Fve got such an appetite !" exclaimed
Mrs. Brown, at the end of her first week
at the shore. 81 feel as though l could
eat ali before me-" "Yes, SO perceive"
replied the landlady. gloomily. The land
lady had reason to be sad. Here was Mrs.
Brown fairly eating her out of house and
home, and growing leaner every day. As
the landlady confidentiaily remarked to the
cook that evening, "What is the use of
feeding her the way I've been feeding her
this whole week, and have her 90 away to
bring discredit on my establishment.
There's that Miss Squabbins, now, who
doesn't eat enough to keep a robin alive,
and she's as fat as butter. She's boarder
as is a boarder, and one that you can take
some pride in. "-[Boston Transcript.
'Uncle Simon" exclaimed a boy in
breathless haste, rushing into shop, "did
yer heah dat yer wife has dun run away
wild barber :" "No, chile; am il a
fack ?" 6 Yes, sab. She run away. Da
was in SIGH hurry dat de barber lef' his
hat in de house." "Wail, Use glad he lef'
his hat, fur it makes me de gamer in de
transaction" But he cum back an tuck
de hat den run away an lef yer wife in de
house." ooh, Lord" exclaimed the old
man, den Use de loser in de transaction.
[Arkansaw Traveller.
Little drops OF watsr, from the rubber hose.
Hit the passing hummer on his ruby nose.
And in his mind there riseth vague memory OF the
past
81 think I've known this fluid he catcheth on
at last:
Long Years ago my mother used some stuff like
To battle me in the mornings, then finished with
kiss
And it seems to me drank it in my early youth,
Yet i amt quite CERTAIN and that's the solid
truth /! ?"
And the poor old hummer mumbling as he goes,
Wipes the long forgotten fluid from his ruby nose
-lElmira Advertiser.
sis that tornado ;" inquired gentle.
man of friend last evening, as they sat in
the library smoking their after.dinner
cigar. "Weli, not exactly" replied the
host, as the roaring increased in fury !:
6 that is only my wife Speaking to the girl
for not tell you to wipe your feet before
you came into the parlor. IN. Y. Com
mercial Advertiser.
A clergyman OF this city was met last
week by woman who has little reverence
for the cloth. "Tell me-" said she, with
bepignant smile, which did not, however
disguise the acidity of her question, "why
you close your church in the summer? Do
not your parishioners require to be pro-
tected from the evil one in the warm
weather as well as in the cold ?'' "Oh,
bless your soul, no, was the prompt re.
sponse; :" the devil never stays in town in
July and August; he follows the rest of
the world to the watering places. "-[ Bos-
ton Courier.
Now it is that the fashionable young
man is having a regular old picnic He has
his hair cut so short that it couldn't be got
at by an investigating committee he goes
around without vest on, and wears blue
flannel shirt on the street, and eats onions
with his beefsteak, and has all sorts of
sticks incorporated in his lemonade. Why
does he do these awful things? Because
he likes them! That is one reason the
other is because his girl is off in the coun-
try; and ne will keep up the catalogue of
horrors until she comes back, and not day
longer, Il Puck.
"Yer's charged, wild stealth piece oh
beef, said Little Rock colored Justice of
the Peace to prisoner. "Air de charge
well sustained ?" "Jedge, I'll fess the
truth. l tuck de beef, but warn't 'spon.
sible. l was sufferin' wild a fever an was
outen my head at de time" "Does yer
mean to say dat yer was insane?" eyes,
Jedge, dat's it. oval, sir, rse sorry
fur yer. De Constitution oh de country
hab un'ergone change in dis sorter mat
| ter. De law now says dat yer mus hang
all de insane men. Mr.. Constable, put rope
aroun' de unfortunate gen'leman's naik.-
| [Arkansaw Traveller.
Plateau, the eminent French naturalist,
| finds that a June bug can exert as great a
| force in proportion to its size as locomo.
| tive but june bugs boom into chambers
summer nights and collide with the lamp
and get up amateur martyrdors--habi
| which locomotives have not acquired so far
as heard FROM Boston Transcript.
Once more the regular annual effort has
been made in the House of Lords to pass
the bill making it legal for man to marry
| his deceased wifes sister. The wild, un-
coptrollabie desire the eager. uncopquer-
able ambition, the one unfadipg dream of
an Epglishman's life to marry his sister. in
law, Is something that is not felt and can.
not be appreciated in any other country in
the world. 1t has been wild struggle
for centuries to get this bill passed, and
why it wasn't Incorporated in the magma
charter or the gunpowder plot or some.
thing of that sort, we can't understand.
We suppose if this bill ever does pass,
and the unfettered Epglishman is sudden
! ly turned loose upon his mother-in.law's