Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-07-13
#nmuruus department.

hour between Charleston ana savannah lOr
the Waycross train, and during this time a
Say, boss, doan you lib up Norf?"
Yes"
'Dat's what reckoned on. Kin ak few
queshuns -
"You can"
Gwen, sab, does every cull'd man up dar
own brick house wild cupulo on top ?"
''Oh, no."
"Does he walk aroun' wild bag of gold
in one ham an a bag of silver in the oder ~
''Inever saw any of them taking such a walk.
"Do they all own hosses an kerridges -
"No."
"Do dey all have diamonds an pearls an
veivets?'
: NO"
''Say, boss, my names Jones, an lib ober
beyond dat pine woods. My ole woman am
ali de time stirrin' me up to 60 Norf, an she
really believes if we once git up dar we kin go
out before breakfast an pick up a pail-full 0,
diamonds. Now, sab tell me de solemn truf'
bout it Could we do it ?" 'No."
"Could we pick up peck?"
s'No.'
. "Eo' quarts? ?"
1.-TWO quarts?"
''Dat's nuff, boss-dat settles me! reck-
on if axed bout one quart you'd say yes,
but if anybody 'spects I'ze gwine to fool
aroun' wild any sich small 'taters as dat dey
am sadly tooken in. I'ze kept house long
huff to know dat quart O. diamonds day
wouldn't keep family in con cake an bacon
half de time. 'Bleeged to ye boss. Mebte
III git up dat way arter awhile, but shan't
speet to own no brick house wild cupulo on
top till I've bin dar hull week or longer"
y
A SEARCHER AFTER INFORMATION IS
GRATIFIED.-It was in the smoking car on
the New York Central. There was one chap
who was clustering great deal and telling OF
how many duels he had fought, and behind
him sat small man reading magazine.
''Sir - said the big man, as he wheeled
around, 'swhat would you do if challenged ?"
'Refuse,' - was the quick reply.
"Ah thought as much. Refuse and be
branded coward What if a gentleman Of
fered you the choice of duel or public
horsewhpping- what ~
''I'd take the whipping"
''Ah thought so thought so from the
looks of you. Suppose, sir, you had foully
slandered, me ?"
II never slander.''
''Then, sir, suppose had coolly and delib-
erately insulted you. What would you do?''
''I'd rise up this way, put down my, book
y,
him by the nose as I take you, and give it a
hree-quarter-twist-just 80 ~
When the little man let 60 of the big mans
nose, the man with the white hat on began to
crouch down to get away from bullets, but
there was no shooting. The big man turned
red, then pale, then looked the little man over
and remarked
''Certainly- -of-tourse- that's it exactly 20
:'And then the conversation turned on the
general prosperity of the country.
How THE JUDGE CROSSED THE STREAM.
1--WE were riding along the road one chilly
day in November, i" said General Craig, talking
about court business and legal talent, ''when
we struck small stream that appeared to be
about thirty yards wide. Hello said Judge
Norton, of Missouri, this is new stream to
me. How shall we cross it?' Taking advan-
tage Of his ignorance, pretended to survey
the situation, and after emerging from the
thicket solemnly inquired: Judge, can you
swim?' Like a fish, he replied, while his
eyes twinkled in the expectation of displaying
his ability in that direction. Il can't said l,
80 suppose you strip and swim across, testing
the depth as you 60, and give me the advan-
tage of your experience. All right he said
dismounting from his horse. Then he re-
moved all his clothes, tied them together,
placed them safely between his teeth, and
started cautiously into the creek. choked
my handkerchief into my mouth to keep from
laughing, while the judge gravely waded across
through exactly four inches of water; but
YOU would have died to see his look of unuter-
ble disgust when he reached the opposite bank.
His feet were blue with mud, but his ankles
were scarcely touched by the water. 1t was
three strait days before he spoke to me again.
WHY HE LAUGHED IN THE PULPIT.-
"Well, BRETHREN" said Maine minister to
some of his fellow-evangelists, Il never was
guilty of laughing in the pulpit but once. Some
years ago l had in my congregation an old
man who universally went to sleep in church
and snored loudly throughout the entire SER
vice. One Sabbath morning, glancing in his
direction, I saw him as usual with his head
back enjoying nap, and right above him, in
the gallery, young man was rolling large
quid of tobacco around in his mouth AS
looked he took it out and pressing it into
ball poised it carefully over the open
mouth below. I became 80 interested in the
proceeding that l forgot to continue the ser
mon, but stood watching the young man.
: With wicked smile he took careful aim and
dropped it squarely into the old mans mouth.
With gulp the sleeper started up with his
face as red as beet and rushed from the house.
The people no doubt were horrifed, but could
not have kept from laughing if sword had
hung over my head ready to fall. The old
man did not come back for several Sabbaths,
and when he did he changed his seat and re-
manned wide awake.''
The LAWS OF Observation-Disclosures White,
of Glenrose, Texas, in communication OF a
scientific nature, addressed to the President,
asked as follows:
''Did you know that knowledge could be OBJ
tanned by experience, and that experience is
but another name for suffering
'sThat about the time we grow wise enough
to live we must fail and die
''That the most meritorious actions are Of
ten followed by the most disastrous conse-
quences
''That this universe is governed by passion
less, purposeless, ineXorable, eternal laws ~
II know all about it," replied the President,
with sad shake of the head. ''I've bin right
dar. My fust knowledge about a mule was
gained by pickin' up one Of his hind feet. /
have in my kindness of heart lent my shotgun
to friend to shoot crow, an bin obliged to
pay fifteen dollars for de calf he killed. I have
not only obsaryed dat de universe am governed
by passionless, purposeless, inexorable an
eternal laws, but have diskivered dat de man
who goes tishin' on Sunday mus buck agin de
hull bizness. am sad, an yet we mus brace
up an keep turning de grindstone."
WHY JOHNSON STAYED A WEEK.-Last
August Mr.. johnson with his wife, who had
been doing the pleasure resorts for two months,
arrived at the quiet town of X, in New