South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-10-27
WIT AND IIUnaOtk.


In, shrieking that big hawk was circ-
ling over the poul,ry.yard. Old Far
mer Thistlepoa dropped his paper, caught
his trusty gun from the rack, and charg.
ed for the poultry yard. He ran right
over bee stand just the other side of
the cypress bush, and was s,ung in 80
places before he jumped over the fence
OF the poultry-yard. alighting upon the
old black hen that was brooding thir-
teen chicks. breaking her neck, and
MASKING FIVE helpless 'weetles' the
gun caught in the fence as he jumped,
and went off. killing a young turkey,
and filling the Durham heifer in the
meadow nearly full VI buckshot; while
the hawk, alone calm and sclf.possessed
in the midst Of the tumult and conru-
sion, sailed gracefully away with the one
spring chicken lie had all long intended
to levy on.-Hrrper's Moyasiac
Some years ago an engineer, now
prominent in the official management
of one Of our great railroads, was SUI
perintending the construction Of a new
road in Pennsylvania. After supper
one evening he strolled into the set.
ting-room' Of the country tavern, where
some twenty men were seated around
the stove. smoking and chatting. A
regular down East Yankee was ex.
pounding tue remarkable strength of
the arch, its use and application in me-
chanics. and illustrating his remarks
by paving a half-busLel measure.
You amt no idee,' said he, show
strong the arch is if ye set it right if
We know how. Now there's the egg
nothin's got prettier arch than the egg,
and if you set it right it's mighty strong.
Why, kin set an egg on this floor in
SIGH shape that We can't break it with
this half bushel measure
A general murmur OF snecring di i g.
lief ran around the room but the Yam.
kee was game. a.
Il said kin. and kin, and I'll bet
the drinks for the crowd on it.
Our engineer hated q Yankee, and
though a reserved man, he could net
permit Yankee TO bluff a whole party
with such an arrogant and preposterous
statement. so he quietly said.
Il will take that bet
An egg was brought in from the
kitchen and handed to the Yankee. he
took it and stood it upon the floor in
the corner Of the room.
Our engineer did not wen attempt 10
I'LL e square corner with round meas.
ure, but paid for the drinks and retired
sadder and wiser.-U.
Father said a fashionable young la
dy, 'am a member of the church,
yes, my daughter, you are member
of the church, replied her father. Il
initiated you 10y having you baptized in
infancy But father she answered.
Il have 10 piety, never was converted.
and l do not think ! ought to be a
church member The wheat and the
tares are 20 grow together, our Lord
tells us in the parable, and YOU are
tare, l fear, my daughter, only n tarc,'
replied her father. But didn't YOU say
thatycu initiated met' Sue asked. Yes
he replied, Il initiated you in your in
fancy; but why did you ask?' Be
cause she answered slowly, the Bible
says that the one who sowed tue tarcs
was the doyil.' The old man groaned,
walked the floor and made no reply.
Neighborly: A family Of strangers
moved into o house on Austin avenue.
next door 10 a family where Young
lady sings operate music. The newly
arrived family sent their Oldest boy over
TO ask il they did not want somebody
10 run quick for the doctor. what for:'
asked the lady OF the house. There is
nobody cick here. well, We thought
there was. We beard somebody shrek
ing and yelling as IL they had Mysteries
and we thought perhaps you needed
doctor in hurry The musical fami-
ly has not yet called on the strangers.
REASONED OUT-A sclioolmaster had
two pupils, to one of whom he was
partial and TO the other severe. One
morning IL happened that these two
boys were late and were called up TO
account for IL. You must have heard
the bell, boys: why did son not Gomez
'fleaso sir said tie lavorile, 4 was a
dreamin' that was goin' 10 Chester
and ! though. the school bell was The
steamboat bell as | was goin on board