Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-01-21
WIT AND WISDOM.

q
with ardent spirits. in which case you
will be likely to stain your nose.
If A girl wishes to make fellow feel
uncomfortable, she has more than
twenty thousand ways of accomplishing
her purpose. Rochester ETpreSS.
New York has a publication called
/ the american Ship. 1t doesn't say
just where the ship is at present, but is
probably keeping the news for big
scoop.
The New York ,Sun believes that
there are "cranks " among animals as
well. Probably been chased across q
ten acre lot by a bovine who hankered
for gore.
ACCORDING to the Yonkers Gazette,
you can always tell the fastidious man
by his sending twanty-seven cuffs and
collars to the laundry accompanied by q
single shirt.
ONE of our policemen who had been
laid up with sore hand remarked that
while he had felon on a finger, he
couldn't lay finger on felon.- Boston
transcript.
THE New York Commercial Adver-
tiser calls for early Information regard
ing circular saws. Well, we've seen 'em
buzzing at l cclcck in the morning,
and that's about as early as circular
saws ever get out of bed.
TIE Boston Globe says" There
was once q woman who could carry an
umbrella without scraping the points
across the face Of every person ON the
same side of the street. She was q side
show with a circus, and was nine feet
four inches high"
A YOUNG man living in Leadville
shipped to his little brother in st. Louis
as Christmas present choice donkey
of the diminutive species known as the
Mexican burro. The agent, in making
"burro" meant "bureau," and re-
ported accordingly to his superior g" one
bureau missing, and one Iackass over. -
Netc Horea Pai,adiUm.
Do YOU believe the story that Minister
Hamliu, having somehow strayed to
bull-tight at Madrid, and after watch.
ing the proceedings for a while, said:
"Those fellows don't know how to
handle bull Why, any farmers boy
down round Bangor would know enough
to put a ring in the critters nose and
hitch a stick to it. Then they could
lead the beast round as handy as could
! be. ."-BOstOR Post.
A YOUNG lady who graduated from a
high school last July is teaching school
up in New Hampshire. A bashful
Young gentleman visited the school the
other day, and was asked by the teacher
to say few words to the pupils. This
was his speech: Scholars, l hope you
will always love your school and your
teacher as much as [ do" Tableau-
giggling boys and girls and blushing
schooima' lam. Men )ort Neacs.
\ CAMPAIGN lie is going the rounds of
the press to the effect that Sarah Bern
hardt hung up her stocking Christmas
eve, and next morning she found it
badly burst III several places, some one
having jammed lead pencil into it.
Sarah says it was not lead pencii-it
was a match. This fashion of origina-
ting exaggerated stories about public
characters should be frowned down by
free and unshackled press. ss.-N0rristo,rn
Herald.
A LADY friend of mine FROM the South.
clerk in the Treasury, was telling me
yesterday that she expected soon to be
dismissed. The reason assigned was
her alleged rebel sentiments. ''Do you
know" she said, they charge me with
having been rebel spy? That would
make me about fOrty-five years old. j
told them | would submit to dismissal
very gracefully, but | could never for
give the reflection on my age. ."-Bufdio
Commercial.
CALlNo, having read the stories of
crime with which the journals are
crammed, was in constant fear of MUIR
der, for he lived in a lonely spot aud
his servants all slept very soundly.
One dav he said to friend: "Ah. I've
got it. l can sleep soundly now. AT
night the knob Of my chamber door
communicates with an electric battery.
"Well." "Well, if the knob is touched
the battery fires off can of dynamite,
and the house is blown up. Good trap
for robbers you see. lie Figaro.
"rIck1y UP DE STITCHES"
Pickin' mp de stitches, pickin' up de stitches.
de Marster'll come bIneby.
De Great Oberseer, He'll cail up de chilluns, =
show der work bimeby.
"Pickin' mp de stitches. pickin' up de stitches,
workin' de long day froo,
DOM yo' bes' at de big or do little. whuteher
YOU fines to do.
Pickin' up de stitches. pickin' up de stitches,
He gibs you de work to do
"oh, pick up yo' Stitches, chilluns, pick M 70
! Stitches
/ De Mas'erl be here bimeby.
De great Oberseerll call you up. chilluns.
J tn shit Yo' work III de skv.
Negro Hy'np.
SOME years ago there lived in GER
tain city merry set of Scotchmen
whose mirth was not always regulated
on the cold water principle. John B,
was prominent member. One partlc-
ular night the malt had got abune the
meal" and toward the sma' hours two
OF his friends found him sitting discon-
solate on the curbstone not far from his
bachelor quarters. As they were pass
ing he asked. "Do We ken where John
nv h. lives ?" "You are Johnny b.
Yourself" was the reply. 81 ken that
man, said Johnny, "but whaur does
Johnny B. live?"
MOTHER SYMPTOMS SUCCESSOR.
The world shall come to an end-'tis true.
In 1882.
The world itself shall no longer be,
In 1888.
The world itself shall be no more,
In 1854.
The world itself shall not survive.
In 1885.