Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1882-07-05
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.
Nothing to speak of-0.


fy-catcher?
MUMM1Es are the only well-bebaved
persons who are now left in Egypt
Ne,o Orleans Pscaystne.
BEEF is so high that some young men
can't afford calves to their legs.-Nev
York Commercial Advertiser.
81 AM a broken man." said a poet.
"We]l," said his friend, II inferred that
from your pieces"
ON account of its melting 80 quickly,
the Picayune thinks that pounded ice is
not what it is cracked up to be.
The average schoolboy does not re-
semble Presidents-he never bankers
after third term.-Det. ChG6.
YOUNG women often keep their lovers
by tears. eyes, "says Grumwig, "love
like beef, is preserved by brine.'
s'TH1s is the rock ages" said a tired
father who had kept the cradle going
two hours and the baby still awake.
A DIAMOND in the ruff is seen most
frequently on the shirt front of a negro
minstrel. .-NesO Orleans Picayune.
"THERE is no tyranny in America"
an Englishmen writes home to his
friends. He evidently hasn't got hired
girl yet.
The Boston Transcript says that when
man has twins born to him it is quite
natural that he should feel like raising
the deuce.
MY son, you ask who or what no
body is. Well, my dear young man, q
nobody is prominent woman's husband.
oil City Der.
ST. LOUIS is running short of water,
! and citizens are economizing in every
way so the bar-keepers will have enough
to wash the tumblers with.
A PARnoR and bedroom for man
| and his wife sixteen feet square are ad-
vertised. Some wife that.-Syr0cuse
| Times.
In the melihuous German language
there is word called "Sterbesacramen-
tenutensilienkasten." The police of
Berlin use it to slug strangers with.
HAPPY is the father whose children are
so young that he can de]ude them into
the belief that the procession is all there
is of the circus.-Bufalo Exchange.
"MA, will my little brother always be
younger than 1 amp" "Yes, darling"
:'That'll be nice" "Why, lovey?"
Because, then can always lick him!"
JOSH BILLINGS remarks in his philoso-
phizings, "a reputation once broken
may possibly be repaired, but the world
will a]lwuss keep their eyes on the spot
where the break wus."
"You haven'topened your mouth dur
ing the whole session" said legislator
to a fellow member. "Oh, yes, I have.
I yawned through the whole Of your
speech" was the complimentary reply
"WE go in for the old flag, 1emnrked
the property owner who was ordered to
lay new sidewalk along the front of his
lot. His patriotism did not same him.
NeaU York Advertiser.
The street-car drivers and conductors
are talking of holding convention, with
the object of advancing their interests.
There is no doubt that the members are
sure to stand on the platferm.-Phal0-
Gelphio Bulletin.
DoN'T ask the man whose "old
wound hurts him every time the wind
changes, to let you look at his honorable
discharge. Don't you know the confed-
crates took it away from him when he
was in Libby prison.
"SruDENT wants to know what
kind of bird was the dodo" From
the fact that the species is entirely ex-
tinct, we suppose it was the tabled spring
chicken, of which we still hear so often
and see so never.-EI.
The editor of the London World wants
a lady to adopt q certain cut ana color of
dress and ever after stick to it. Wesus-
pect the editor of the world is still stick
ing to the shape of hat and cut OF coat
he adopted twenty years ago.-Norras-
to,V,a Herald.
REPORTS of trouble with lightning-rod
agents come from Indiana. 1t will be
remembered that after the death of Jesse
James the announcement was made that
the other members of the band would
abandon train-robbing and engage in
some more legitimate business. If it is
found that they have broken this pledge
and are selling lightning rods no mercy
should be shown Chicago Tribune.
A rouNasrER, in passing the old home
stead. from which the family bad been re-
moved for ssme time, and which the lad
had often had pointed out to him as the
house in which he and his little brothers
had been born, on seeing it removed pre-
paratory to the erection of new one,
surveyed in silence for q few moments
the changed scene, and then said, pathet-
ically: "Oh, papa, we weren't born no.
where now, were wei?
THEY we're speaking of cranial defoT-
mites down at the corner grocery last
,. evening. II hold, said young man.
that . man with a big head is just asapt
TO be q burned fool as man with q
small head" "True," replied an elder
" man who was holding down the cover
. Of the sugar barrel, "but he generally
knows it and don't give himself away
The young man ordered small bottle o.
birch beer.-Ne,O Haven Register.
A coMMERc1AL traveller, who is some
thing of wag, thus relates his exper.
: ience: He and his companion were the
: sole occupants of the smoking car. They
= tried to converse, but the road was SO
rough they were pitched from side te
= like ships passengers. At last they wer,
? able to make each other understood
! One said, " Dan, the old thing is run
ming smoother" To which Dan replies
: :. Yes, I guess she has got of the track
: "WHAT's that you're playing?" said
+ New Haven man to his daughter, VIII
4 was pounding at the piano keyboard Wit
& more noise than skill. t'It is Wagner
= : IAN. pa: that's the music of the future.
: : "Oh. it is, is it? Let it be . long tim
4 in the future before hear any more
" Il. Play me Comm Through th
Rye. !" :. Oh, pa, amt You sho1rid; .
IN ways thinking about something !
70 drink" Honors are easy IN that famll,,
-NeeU Haven Register.