The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1882-08-10
WIT AND HUkOR.

: The goat, Ii Is well known, is fond of
5baccO, but he freely gives away his
Odtts.
In slander suit Ia Oregon the court
held that IAN honest man Is a man who
won't steal firewood ON n cold night"
Is it q runaway match in the insect
or animal world whom you sec one ant
elope with nnotherq
Prize fights are becoming very fire.
guent. This may be called revival of
the old style Of pound parties.
mo, you don't; you must pay as you
gol" exclaimed tho landlord, ais he
caught an impecunious boarder trying
to skip away.
A Dutch Judge in Nebraska on con-
viction Of culprit for having four
wives, decided: ''fIe hash punishment
plenty; lifs nit enep'
Sawmills were first used fn Europe in
the fifteenth century. Before that, q
man who sworc he lost his leg In the
army was generally believed.
We sec an article in the papers about
boy inventors. We hopc they will in
y0at boy who won't whistle on his
rs and yell ON the streets at night.
forth Carolina cesplc were mar
in q divtng-belL fhcy probably
I'd to have some experience in cold
Il before getting into hot waser.
Jome, Sweet Home" Is the last
10 played nj the Presidents recep-
as, and when the music begins the
ests take the hint.
A skeleton was recently discovered in
IA Arizona cave, and a local corres-
)ndent thinks 1t is the romans of the
United States Army.
'EWho shall decide when doctors disa-
greep We don't know who should,
but we know that the undertaken gen.
orally does.
''You ought not to ssy that the man
sold his vote, merely on suspicion"
well, don't exactly allege 1t on sus-
picion. The fact Ia, paid him the
money"
A good reason. Irish witness (for the
defenso) is it myself that under
stands the nature of an oathP Faix, and
/ ought to; haven't been twice tried
for perjury and convictedP"
1t is said that Victor Hugo's desks are
full of unpublished manuscripts. 1t Is
presumed he doesn't preserve the ire
spcctfully-deoliHed'' notes which ac-
company their return.
Yes" said fresh arrival from Bo-
die, the other day, ''the girl married
up on the lode last month is perfect
lady, sir. I don't suppose Eve heard
her swear real hard more'n twice this
spring"
Bedstsads with looking-Slasses over
head are things Of the past II a man
cannot tell whom he wakes up without
looking in glass TO be sure of it, he is
in condition that cannot be helped by
furniture.
You can travel around the world in
eighty-sisht days at an expense of eight
hundred dollars; or you can travel
around the square fer nothing. and be
eight hundred dollars ahead for a pa
cling horse and red cutter next winter.
An Indian clergyman delivered his
sermons in rhyme. His congregation
prefers them that way. They sleep
much sounder, and leave the church
much more refreshed, than after listen
ing to prose-y discourse.
When n stranger In San Antonio asks
The names Of the leading citizens, he is
handed . newspaper supplement con-
tanning the names Of delinquent tax
payers whose property Is offered for
sale.
Little Grace has been tsld that 1t was
impolite to take the last biscuit on the
table. The other morning at breakfast
she was observed TO gaze long and earn
estly at the solitary biscuit on the bread
plate. The temptation Mt last proved
too great. ReachiRg for tho coveted
naorssl she exclaimed: ''Oh. mamma,
i'sa almost 'tarved! i dsss won't be
y 10 to-day, I'll wait till some day
:. aad amt zoo hungry"
.'gave you had your cars piercedp"
asl..d young lady of her chum, who
lirs6 nsxt door. IL should think So"
W the crushing reply, clearing you
siE every day" There Is now a great
gr of coldness between the two.'
Denver paper processes to think it
n yelous that man whose brains
y knocked out s still living. If ho
= e out this way he would not be only
Il 'ng, but he would be holding some
'ortsnt ofics.-LouiSvtLie Courier
T'aal.
Well, well," said Ellington, majes-
'ly, 1--WE mustn't be too severe on the
;,sg fellows. l suppose l was as big
y as any Of them when was
r." "Yss," replied Fogg, land
re not an old man now, Billing
Boston Transcript.
- GlDv,k Not
Trust in Princes" was thrown in
saloon Of q simple old German.
esd tho title, and soliloquized:
:, I don't put some drust in Brinces.
must pay der cash in his shop
G. t der same as vite mans"
During the last illness of the old Mon
-av-getter friend called to see him, and
expressed his sorrow at finding him fail
ing SO fast. Eyes yes," said the old
gentleman, despairingly, ''the doctor
says can't live more'n week. If l
could only live two. could make ten
thousand dollars"
A Truthful Observation. - What
makes Colonel Blank SO popularp I'm
sure he's very stupid. He can hardly
see beyond his nose," and a lady to n
friend, who replied, "My dear, sharp
sightedness Is not what makes person
popular 1t is what the colonel doesn't
see that gives him such popularity"
Lawrence, my dear" said his wife,
wreathing in smiles, II wish you had
been to church this morning. Mr.
Jones was very interesting. and when
he prayed for the absent ones''-
We'll. that accounts for il, then. l
haven't caught such & string of fish for
q year as 1 did this morning"
How did you like Europer' "It's
too splendid for anythingl' was the re-
ply. "And were you sickP'' ''Yes, aw-
fully sick" 'tAnd was your husband
good to yout'' 'Oh, he was too good,
for anything! just as soon as he found
out was sick he went and drank salt
water SO az to be seasick in unison with
me, and I'm not his second wife eth
er."
He Resumed. said the
young man, rs he leaned on his hoe,
i'they say the balance Of trade is agin
us" They do, eh?" "And that our
bank reserves are rapidly diminishing" "
'.Du teIIr' "And that railroad exten-
sion has come TO halt" "Well,
swamp "And that the volume of Sc
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