Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-09-10
A cRANK's CRAVINGS.
Special Cases Serted Up for His
.Y.st Many Followers.
A Fashionable Church seene-An Alleged
Reporter aHdau Eloquent Clergyman
Fearful Commotion in an Uptown
clearinghouse.
POLITICAL AND supER-AEsTHtTIcAL.

weeks ago, which reveals the existence OF q
curious industry in our midst An elo-
ouent clergyman, the rhetorical and relig'
ious excellence of whose diseourses had OBJ
tanned for him speedy cailSa lucrative
salary from a country church, was about
rising to begin his sermon when keen
looking young man, enyeloped in an am
pie ulster, who had asked to be placed in
front seat where he could report
the discourse, took out his notebook,
and at the same time opened
a large aid solemn-looking volume
After the reverend gentleman had said
few words the alleged reporter closed his
note book and began an occasional note Oh
the margin of his serious-looking wors.
The clergyman's attention could not fail 10
be attracted by this singular conduct On
the part of his auditor: he stammered, got
red then turned pale, and threatened to
break down implicitly; but recovering
himself by Supreme effort, he brancled
off into another direction, and, from con.
sidering Aaron and the Golden Calf, wound
mn with disquisition upon the historical
doubts concerning the sacrifice OF
Isaac. The alleged reporter at hrst
seemed puzzled, but tooK OUT
his notebook and went on taking TINS new
portion OF the discourse. After the con
ereeation had been dismissed, he clergy
man sent word to the alleged reporter y
the sexton that he wished to see him, ana,
taking him down into the lecture-room,
said to him, confidentially, you see, my.
vonpg friend, don't care h,ving this SER
mon senorted. do not covst fame mere
mortal, human, secular, Eroisne lame
which is even as yapor. Besides that, l
have been so ardent an admiiera and so Close
n student of the sermons OF the Kew VI.
Chalmers. that-qaite unconciously. as
sure YOU, and with the purest motives IN
the world find myself saturated with
his style, thinking his Thoughts, as 1t were;
pursuing the same mental anC loglcal pro-
cesses to an identical conclusion"
The alleged reporter said tha TINS olten
bannene6 and that it did net reflect any
d;scredit upon the person doing it; but, on
the contrary, testified to the strength OF his
memory, the earnestness of his admiration,
and the excellence of his taste The SINH
larity of the sermon to one preached by III.
Chalmers had at first struck him.
30 yes" briskly replied the orator, out
then. while was speaking new train oil
Thought suddenly seemed Il open before
me. and Welding 10 the inspiration OF the
moment I took shoot off il what to you,
doubtless, seemed a singular direction.
That showed, however, that was no Pla-
giarist." u.,
mo one fora moment would think, saiu
the alleged reporter, 'Of bringing such =
charge against gentleman q your stand.
ing or if such a charge were orougnt IL
would not for a moment he listened 10
However, must hurry down to the office
and write up my story
"a moment my young friend, said the
eloquent speaker, IL do not care to have
NV sermon published. Yousee, these con-
yersations with my cong eg1tion from the
pulpit upon such solemn subjects amount
really to privileged communications. We
do not care to take the busy, heartless world
without into our confidence. No, my
young friend; do not want the sermon
published
"But the city editor II get mad and
bounce me" said the alleged reporter; "or
he'll dock me weeks salary, at least"
81 will make it up to you, my young
friend" said the orator taking out his
pocketbook "Here are $50,-tell the city
editor you oversight yourself, or couldn't
find the chnrch, or were tight. No, no, not
a word of thanks. Give me your notebook
see, have torn it up. Now go, bless you! y.
The alleged reporter buttoned his alleged
,,oInma of ChelIner seI ms which really
was copy OF Macauley's Essays unaar his
oyercoat and walked off. He is not known
to be connected with any newspaper, and
vet he attends church regularly and takes
full notes of eloquent sermons, the report
of which never get into the papers. How
he makes living is, indeed, a mystery.
IS
A fearful connection was caused last week
in a boarding house up town, which COM
bines the maximum of style with the max
imum of expense. A young man from the
interior of Ohio, who since his irst arrival
within the limits of civilization has always
lived at a boarding house, was asked if he
would have some oyster soup, and said he
would, with pleasure-in fact, he was pas
sionately fond of oyster soup. Receiving a
liberal ration, he ladled portion OF u into
his capacious mouth, and with 6 wild yell
of horror and 'di'gus deposited itin the gen
tie sky blue silk bosom of the middle aged
widow opposite him. I'm poisoned. Get
me some anecdotes and a stomach pump,
quick! There was something in that soup!'
The landlady and the other guests endeav-
ceeded, but he persisted IT declar-
ing that the soup had been tempered
with. There was something in that soup"
he said, with q shudder, which l never
tasted before, and I've eaten oyster soup at
this here hospitable board for nine weeks
every Wednesday and Sunday, besides
having it at church fairs out in Ohio ever
since was - years old, and so ought to
know" But there is nothing in the soup,
if anything it is better than usual"
every body insisted. 10, there was nothing
in that soup, eh?" yelled the young man,
with fine sarcasm, then what do you call
that there poisonous herb, all? and he
pointed to something in his plate. There's
one OF the funguses now,-the mate of 1t is
over Oh the old lady's brooch across the
table. Two cases of attempted poisoning
in one plate is coming it rather steep for S
awcek" They examined the suspicious
articles which in the course of his long ex-
perience of oyster soup the honorable gen
tleman from Ohio had never encountered.
They were oysters!
-
There is a young reporter down In
small town in the interior of the State up
on whom we have had our eye, and whom
we shall shortly engage at large salary.
This young man has the instincts OF born
Journalist in him. The other day the wri
ter, who happened to be passing through
the town, observed him with pride and adj
miration as he "sicked" tive farmers dogs
at each other, and precipitated dog fight
of the first magnitude, in which theowners
of the animals took part, earning the hon
ors of arrest at the hands OF the Marshal.
Then this bright young journalist dropped
into a saloon to get his bitters, and limited
to bad man." who was quarrelsomely-
drunk, that he had heard that
another "bad man" had said
be could lick the "bad man" there present
in fifteen seconds, or maybe less; and the b.
v. j. followed the bad man" out and saw
him and the other bad man" engage in a
single-or, to speak more accurately, q
double-combat, which ended in dad
man" No. being hurled through the plate
glass window of new pharmacy" Then
the bright young journalist gave the Grand
Jury lot of taffy and drink, and stole
his report indicting the Board Of Superyis-
ors; and, as the writer lost sight Of him, he
was going up to the parsonage to ask the
esteemed pastor of the Second - Church
ii il was true that the woman he was living
with wasn't his wife, and that the sermon
he had preached on Sunday was stolen.
That bright young journalist has q great
future before him.
1t is gratifying to observe that poets.
artists and authors, every where, are aband-
oning the language and imagery of anti
uuated times and bringing themselves into