Brookings County sentinel. (Brookings, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1890, 1882-09-21
SPICE AND AltSPiCE.
BARNUM has a gnu horse this season.
IT is nil wind that blows " no good"

oPtCe ANU ALLSptCEs
BARNUM has gnu horse this season.
IT is a nil wind that blows no good. "
HoMEwARD bound-The tethered goat.
IT was Artemus Ward who said there
we're two things In this world nobody
was ever prepared for-twins.
WoLsELEY's Egyptian motto is emile
desperandum," which means 81 will win
glory or bust" -New Orleans Picdyune.
"THERE's no time like the present"
gleefully remarked the boy who had re.
ceived the gilt of watcb.-New York
NeUs.
Glass in geography: Teacher
Name the great bays" Small boy
"Bay Of Fundy, Bay of Biscay, Arab
Bey-" Teacher-"Oh Pa-shaw."
"'TwERE better we had never met, Z"
as the goat remarked after his unsuccess-
full attempt to knock a cast-iron dog
across tbree-acre lawn -Boston Times.
Our west man is considered nobody
unless he has "killed his man," There
is where young physicians have the ad-
vantage over the average man in migrat-
ing west.-LoWeH Citizen.
"WELL," said the farmer after the
funeral, "we'vc buried good man when
we buried poor Wuzzle. Howsomever,
yer can't get no good out O. the ground
'thout you put some good in"
GAIL the worlds a stage, Sam, and
the men and women merely players. I"
"Yes, massa, but if dat's so, where you
goin' for to get yer audience and orchis-
try. ."-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
MORSE, who invented the telegraph,
and Bell, the inventor of the telephone,
both had deaf-mute wives, which leads a
wag to observe: "Just see what man
can do when everything is quiet. "-Bos-
ton Globe.
A NEVADA philosopher, in fit Of pat
riotic disgust, exclaimed: "Ts got to
be six months il the state and thirty
days in the county, less l can't vote.
Bat any body can jump off freight train
and run for Office"
81 SAY, Mrs. Mccarthy, this 'ere's a
very bad cabbage" Mrs. NJ" Shure,
now, and is it, honey? Then pick an
other. Bless yer soul, young cabbages
is like sweethearts; you must thry half
a dozen fore ye gets good wan."
A LITTLE girl in Sunday school, who
who had been pulling her doll to pieces
during the week, was asked by the
teacher, What WAS Adam made of q
"Dust," replied the little girl. "And
what was Eve made OFF, "Sawdust, "
was the answer.
SHE had Just landed from ireland. and
was at once engaged III Philadelphisn's S
family. She opened watermelon the
the other day for the first time in her
life. Two minutes afterwards she was
seen vigorously busting the inside with
roach poison.
The man who wrote "the shadows
that glide amid the perfumes Of love, "
must have referred TO the gbostly ap-
partition of human hand that darkened
the jars of sweetmeats when he was a
boy and attempted to satisfy his long
ipgs behind the pantry door.
The title of the lesson was, "The
Rich YOung Man, and the golden text
was, zone thing thou lackest." A
teacher in the primary class asked a lit
tic tot to repeat the two, and looking
earnestly into the young lady's face the
child said, "One thing thou lackest---
rich young man. man."-COngrC9ationatist.
A NEW settler in Texas writes that he
mas "the Rio Grande for bathtub, and
the whole Of Mexico for a backyard" I"
1t might do for him to use the Rio
Grande for bathtub if there we're no
policemen around, but Mexico as a
back yard would hardly be a safe place
TO hang clothes. s.-Lo,OeU Citizen.
"OH, say, ma !" exclaimed bright g.
year old girl, at dinner at hotel, "hasn't
that man over there got dreadful big
ears?" "Hush. child; the gentleman
might hear you" cautioned her mother.
"Well, | guess if he couldn't hear me
with those ears" quickly chirped the
youngster, he had better haul EN- down. J"
Commercial ddUertiser.
"OBsERvE the entablsture. my dear. I"
he remarked. as they jointly surveyed
the portico of a new building, "what
harmony of design is there, and how
marked the equipoise ~ 81 should say
so" she remarked, catching sight OF
rust mark on the moulding, land the
chap that marked it'll ketch thunder
when the inspector comes along. -
YOnkCrs Gazette.
An insurance agent applied to wo-
man in Austin to induce her to get her
husbands life insured. "Win be sure
to get the money if he dies right of ?"
Certainly, madame" "But will you
give me any assurance that he will die
right of ?" "No, madame, we cannot
do that" well, then, what good will
it be to me to get his life insured, if he
don't die? / knew there was some
catch about this insurance business. -
Teras Siftings.
DIR. DosEM, an Austin physician, was
called on to attend old Uncle Nose, who
drives dray. "You have been gorg-
ing yourself with green watermelons for
dinner" said the physician, feeling the
patients pulse. "How de debbil did yer
find dat out--by feelin' my pulseses?"
"No, but by seeing the watermelon
rinds under the bed" Said the old man,
rising himself up in bed. "You am the
knowinist man in Austin. Heah, old
oman, take dat old harness from under
de bed, or dis heah medicinal gemman
| am gwine to treat me for eatin' mule
for desert to settle my stomach. amt
teched a watermillion in foah weeks. "
7eras Siftings.