The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1882-04-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Why should candidates for the crew
be less than twenty-one years of age2
Because miners know best how to ham
die the ere.-Ydle Record.
A man who detected piece Of bark
in his sausage visited the butchers
shop to know what had become of the
rest of the dog. The butcher was SO
affected that he could give him only
part of the tale.- Courier-Jourqal.
A very severe case: Tommy. "Ohi
oh oh ! mamma, I've rund great big
splinter in my hand, and it hurts so
offul 1 can't go to school," Mamma.
"But, my dear, mamma doesn't see any
thing the matter" Tommy. oh
oh Zen 1 guess it must be ze uzzer
hand"
A correspondent of the New England
Farmer writes about ''My Experience
in Bee Keeping" But as he says moth
ing about jumping into well to drown
the pesky critters out of his trousers,
we don't believe he has made a truth
full statement. Why will men dissem-
BILE about such matters-BostOn Post.
Brown is kind hearted man. Every
night he gives each of his children five
cents for going to bed early so as not to
disturb him when reading the evening
paper. About midnight ne creeps
noiselessly up stairs, taHes the five cents
from their pockets, and the next morn
ing gives them whipping for losing
it, Philadelphia Bulletin.
A young lady of Boston was recently
noticed by her mother to be fondling
and kissing a pet kitten. "Why,
Mary" said the mother, "you have
kissed that kitten more in five
minutes than you have me in FIVE
years." "Don't you know why I'd
rather kiss the kitten than you, motherP'
"No, my child" "You haven't got
whiskers !"
A Sunday-school teacher at Lewiston
had grown eloquent in picturing to his
little pupils the beauties of heaven and
he finally asked: "What kind of little
boys go to heaven?" A lively four
year.old boy, with kicking boots,
flourished his fist. "Well, you may
answer" said the teacher. "Dead
ones," the little fellow shouted to the
full extent of his lungs.
The full term of three years had
nearly expired, and they were discussing
at the breakfast table the certainty
that they must move and the uncertainty
as to where, when the young miss of the
parsonage drew heavy sigh. Sympa-
thizing father asks the cause and she
replies: "Oh, was thinking what
mistake mother and l made when we
married a Methodist minister"
Boston Transcript
A Galveston school-teacher asked o
new 10y: "If carpenter wants to
cover roof fifteen feet wide by twenty
broad with shingles five feet broad by
twelve long, how many shingles will he
need ?" The boy took up his hat and
slid for the door, "Where are you
going ?" asked the teacher. "To find a
carpenter. He ought to know that
better than any Of we fellers."
Before booth in a village fair far
ing placards announce the celebrated
woman fish-priee of admission, fifteen
centimes. The booth is promptly
crowded; the stage manager draws up
the curtain, and little old woman APP
pears on the stage and, dropping a
courtesy, says: Ladies and gentlemen.
am woman fish. Murmurs. Yes,
ladies and gentlemen, my husband, Tso-
dore Fish, died three years ago; leaving
me widow, and, as you seem to take
such lively interest in my fortunes, 1
will proceed to take up a eollec-"
The audience vanishes and makes room
for new one.-FrOn' the French.