National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1882-03-04
Fun, FACT, FICTION.
Her lips were like the leaves. he sold,
by autumn crimson tinted;

Cleveland. Dphlhorla killed them all.
The poet says that when ladies nowadays lot
their hair down over their shoulders you can't tell
(Which is switch"
Everybody IS saying that the Gainsborough hat
must CO." Confound 1t, that's just what It docs
do-to all the shows.
Bartenders are the most soclable set on earth.
They break the ice oftener and finer than any
body Bloomington Bye.
20, Patg' "what, sor2" "Dld yea liver soc a
winter loke this7' Eyes, sor." "whinp Last
summer, sor"-M o. PicdyVnc.
Dora Wheeler, who won the first two prizes in
the Prong Christmas card competition, Is niece
OF "Nym Crlnkle," the critic.
Some people severely blame q Maine clergyman
because he keeps lighting dog but he says ho
never misses any his chickens.
The morning IS the best time OF the day To plcs
buekwhcat cakos. strong. healthy man can
pick fifteen from the dish aia siung, 30 we've boon
told
"Do you speak German va. Eikcd Of ono of
Gothams giddy butterflies Of n,nlon the othot
evening. NO. but dawnco IT," was the reply ol
the maiden.
Whitelaw Reid and Murat IIalstcad are twistod
links Of the same sausage. Such n thing rs IN
honcs conviction never animated the soul Of eithor
of them-Omuhd Herald.
In the gallery Of the Louvre before the statue OF
the Venus OF Milo Little boy" What did they cut
her arms OF for9" Mother" Because she nut her
fingers in the sugar.bowl"
Latin Class.-Profcssor to student (slightly alb.
sent-minded)-" Please translate Instrush t,ipiicm
dciern." student-"H drew three aces" Slight
sensation in class.-Cdmpus.
An Alabama negro offered to plunge into lake
ana XIII an alligator with q knife for fifty cents
He plunged, and If the alligator didn't eat him no
is stuck In the mud Mt the bottom.
The glorious Patti is here. and even the very
canaries are holding back their notes In honor OF
the prima donna of the world. Compliments In
this style S2.-NetC York Commercial
A Boston paper says that John Quincy Adams
used to read the Bible through every year." Il
will be remembered, however, that in Johns timo
the papers didn't publish any base ball news
81 should like to see somebody abduct me-"
said Mrs. Smith at the breakfast table the other
morning. "Hm so should !, my dear, so should
J." said Mr.. Smith, with exceeding earnestness
The miliners begin TO talk about laces and
fchus and things of similar unsubslantial char
ncter which is one of the most positive signs that
thespringtime is coming gentle Annie, with rapid
footsteps
New York paper says that Blanche Howard
the author of lone Summer" is now in Stuttgart
Germany. 1t Is now believed that the author Of one
winter is also out of tho country, and has taken
the winter along.
Mrs. Wilbur +. Storey is wearing the most elegant
diamonds ever seen in Washington. Her ability
to do so is fully explained in the fact that shc is
the wife of Chicago editor who once printed the
delinquent tax-llst.
There is a growing feeling among American poo
pie that the man who can hear fellow mortal
complain of n cold in the head aud abstain from
telling him what to do for II is the man who should
be the next President.
"Why," said the aesthetic editor, as he came into
the Argo sanctum, "is my cigar intenseH"
"Glve 1t up" said Ephraim BECAUSE It's too all
butt" remarked A. f., plaintively His place is
now vacant.--AMenGum.
AT young ladies seminary recently, during an
examination in history, one of the pupils was in.
| terrog0ted thus: Mary, did Martin Luther die
natural death" mo-" was the reply; "he was
accommodated by Il bull"
YES" said the practical wife, " I'm looking for
some dashing sort of girl to coax my husband
into elopng He'll probably stay away two weeks,
and SO be out of the way until can gel all through
house cleaning."-BoSton Post
Colonel John Miller, of Sharpsburg, Washington
County, Maryland, was born and has slept in the
same house and in the same room for ninety seven
years and is still hale and hearty. He gained the
| title Of colonel in the war of1S12
Queen Victoria is not without womanly SUPER
stitions. She is said to DO averse to having her
son Leopold marry in May, because that was the
month in which the poor young Princess Char
lotte was welded to King Leopold
| printer should always marry good type" Of
| girl, says the New York Commercial and he somo-
times has TO do 1t after a long chase" with a
sharp stick" but he generally manages to come
out of the pursuit in good FORM"
Boston Jo,rnal; Avenerable Democrat in a very
| back town being asked, "What is Democracy"
hesitated, but at length slowly replied; "As nigh
as can find out, Democracy is contrariness; buta
| Democrat is man who is always right"
Teacher" John, what are your boots made ofYn
| Boy" OF leather" "Where does the leather
come fromH' From the hide of the OK" "what
animal, therefore, supplies you with boots and
gives you meat to eat" my father Uhidentl-
| fed exchange.
There might have been time when servant
| girls had penchant for wearing their mistresses
| clothing, but that was in the days of low wages,
| Nowadays the average girl would not be seen in
such shabby dresses as the mistress is obliged to
| appear in.
Old Mr.. Hazlett, of Oregon, thought he was going
| TO die, and in order that his heirs should have
nothing to quarrel over he burned s2 900 in green
backs He didn't die after all; and now when tho
heirs see him saving wood to earn his bread they
naturally feel that they are ahead of him.
We often hear of New England brag, but this
| from the Providence STAR "takes the cake" "Only
about two per cent of the citizens of New York city
are of New England birth, but If they should al
| simultaneously remove thence there would not be
brains enough left in town to run police court"
Harding, Fox's representative at the New Orl
leans prize fight says that from the beginning to the
end of the fight "the battle was witnessed by Miss
Nellie Holdsworh a niece of Jefferson Davis, from
| the balcony of Barnes hotel. When Sullivan was
| declared the winner the young lady was Oppressed
with grief and wept.'
| A newspaper man at ST. Edward. Boone County.
| refuses TO be comforted; even cushioned chair
| ha lost to him its charms. mad dog tackled
him in the rear last week and secured mouthnii
below the belt which 1t held till sealded to death
| with hot water. Mr.. Dryer now STANDS up for the
humiliation of the canine race.
They were out seighing. "Gussie, dear" said
she, as she leaned tender cheek ON his manly
checked ulster, "why arc these snow. flakes like
your mustGche?" This pleased him, even to have
II noticed. al don't know, pet" he murmured,
| innocently; "why are they?" Because they are
slow coming down." He drove with both hands
| afler this.-H1rpdrd LdmpoOn.
A Providence man was discovered, a few even
ings ago, intently engaged in the commendable
work of ",earching the Scriptures" After going
carefully through the Old and New Tcstaments, no
looked UP and remarked to a friend; "Wel.
that is singular; can find every book but just tho
| one want Here is 81. Matthew st. Mark, st.
Luke, and st, John, but where's 81. PaulP
Noah Webster was q celo brated author ! was
aquiok and ready writer and in one Of his inspired
moments he dashed OF dictionary. lie took IL 10
several publishers, but they SHE'D at IT, saying the
style was duh, turgid, dry, hard, and unntersting,
| and, besides that he used too many big words
But AT last Noah succeeded, and he immortal work
is in daily use, proping up babies at the dinner