Brookings County sentinel. (Brookings, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1890, 1882-04-13
SPICE AND AlLSPICE.

SPICE AND AllSPICE.
WERE there no rogues, there would
be no limit to Heaven: were there no
honest men the DEVILS occupation would
be gone.- Waitehau Times.
AN exchange says in startling head
line: "Smile Whenever You Cap."
Now what kind of advice is this from
temperance sheet ?-Lockport Union.
"The Unseen Hand is the title of
new book. Probably the other man
didn't have anything better than a pair
of trays and didn't dare to call. l.-Boston
Post.
In classifying advertisement it would
seem proper that the hair-dresser should
go at the head and the chiropodist at the
foot of the column. Com. But-
tetin.
"WHY do Indians get drunk ?" asks
the Temperance Worker. Because they
drink more whisky than they are gagged
for. Ask us hard one.-BTiington
Hdpkeye.
"MAKE a minute of that duel, Mr..
Shearer, said the chief to the news edi-
tor. "Can't do it, replied the subal-
tern. "Why not ?" "Cause there's
only two seconds in il.
In German village the following Off
cial notice was posted: "Those who
catch frogs legs must first kill him.
Those who kill them alive will be fued."
-Frankturter Zeitun9.
THOMAS HOOP, driving in the country
one day, observed a notice beside fence:
Beware the dog" There not being
any signs of dog, Hood wrote on the
board "Ware be the dog?"
81 NOTICE that Carlyle is to have
monument. For steady job, don't
know of anything that lays over being
dead and waiting for your monument
George Hatchet Washington.
81 WISH I was worth $1,000, ,0O0."
said a gentleman. "What good would
it do you, for you don't spend -FOUR pres
ent income ?" inquired a freud. 80,
| could be economical on larger scale"
HEARD in street car: "My dear,
why don't you get your life insured p
Cant. They won't take me. I've
promised to umpire baseball game
next summer and the compa les all know
| it."
DECIDEDLY practical: William Hen
| derson has been arrested out in Utah
for desperate assault upon Mormon.
William seems to be practical sort OF
anti i-polvgamy bill. .-PrOcidencc Jour
| nat.
"WHAT pretty children, and bow
much they look alike" says q during a
first visit at friends house. "They are
twins" his friend explains. "Wbst,
both of 'en?" exclaims G, greatly in
terested.
The following thrilling tale needs no
comment: A burglar get into the house
of country editor the other night.
After terrible struggle the editor sue
ceeded in robbing him.-Hackensack
Republican.
GENTLEMAN by request of lady
"Conductor, put this lady off at the next
corner" Polite new conductor" Ex-
cuse me sir; seems as how she's q be-
havin' Of herself; don't seem no occasion
for proceedin' to extremes.
"Do not pretend to have as good
| Judgment as I have?" exclaimed an en-
ragged wife to her husband. "Well, no."
he replied slowly, "our choice of part
ners for life elbows that my judgment is
not to be compared with yours.
WHEN the teacher asked what was the
feminine of tailor, a small boy on Il front
seat in q public school in B-ockton,
Mass, promptly exclaimed Dress
maker" and was greatly delighted that
he was able to get in the answer first.
SCENE in the auditorium of q tbeater.
Actor (who has appeared in the first
piece)-"Good evening Msy l take
the seat next you" Lady-"Certain.T;
but don't you appear any moro tonight"
Actor-"No." Lady" l am so
glad! Pray sit down"
"WHAT good deed have you done to-
day, Johnny ?" said a benevolent father
to his heir. 81 gave q poor boy cent,
papa" Was the good child's answer.
"Ah! that was right. And why, my
son, did you give him the cent ?" g
gave it to him, dear papa. for q good
three cent stamp that he thought was
only piece Of green paper.
REMARKS writer: "a gentle hand
can lead an elephant by hair" Now,
what foolishness that is to put into the
minds Of children. Why, bless you,
elephants don't have any hair; they just
have hides, that's all. Perhaps gentle
hand might lead one by the tail; but,
mind you, We have our doubts even oil
that.
A LANpscAPE painter is making a
sketch of o peasants house-usual bit of
tree and old roof sunk in little. The
peasant comes to look over the artists
shoulder. "You are getting along very
we'll" he said, "that's my house to the
very life. There's the big stone chimney
I'D know il anywhere" Artist con-
tinues his labors. Peasant" Oh, say,
il we're you wouldn't put in the other
chimney. 1t isn't worth the trouble. 1t
smokes abominably."
An illustrious painter who In travelling
is invited to dine with weaiihy mer-
chant. "I had son myself who was
passionately devoted to art" says his
host. "snd sent him to Paris, where
he was for ten years studying in the ate
lier of the famous Crepassion." "Ah,
and he was successful ?" "Successful?
Sir. at this moment he owns the second
largest factory Of artificial fertilizers in
she country. Paper.
OLD AUNT SUKEY, who lives on Austin
Avenue, is known TO be the stingiest wo-
man in the city. Old Mose cut up
load Of tough oak wood for her a few
days ago, and she refused to pay him
more than . quarter, about half the
usual price. Aunt Sukey," said Nose,
"I wish you bad been in the garden Of
Eden ilstead Of Ebe." What do you
, mean, Uncle Moser "Nu61n," 'cept
you are 10 stingy ef ycu had been Ebe
, yer would hab cat do hall apple yerself,
, an not Glib Adam none. and We would