Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-12-30
WHITES
.NSER.
the Fan Ladies, the
"a of Switches and the
.aystery, with n Cata-
.e of Topics Too Tre-
mendOus for n Ten
Minute Talk.

tne New England oOcletN ulnncf. III Is
to woman, comprehensiyely, wheresoever
she may be found. Let us consider her
ways. First comes the matter of dress.
This is a most important consideration,
in a subject of this nature, and must be
disposed of before we can intelligently
proceed to examine the profounder
depths of the theme. For text, let us
take the dress of two antipodal types
the savage and the cultivated daughter
of our high civilization.
"Among the Fans, agreat negro tribe,
woman, when dressed for home, or to
go to market, or to go out calling, does
not wear anything at all but just her
complexion. That is all. That is her
entire outfit 1t is the legitimate cos
tune of the world, but is made of the
darkest material. 1t has often been mis-
taken for mourning. 1t is the tlimmest
and neatest and gracefullest costume
that was ever i'll fashion; it wears well;
it dosen't show dirt. You don't have to
send it down town to wash, and have
some of it come back scorched with the
tiat-iron. and some of it with the buttons
ironed off, and some of it petrified with
starch, and some of it chewed by the
calf, and some of it rOtted with acids, and
some of it Exchanged for other costumerS'
things that haven any virtue but holiness,
and ten-twelfths of the pieces overchargcd
for, and the rest OF the dozen mislaid
! And it always fits it is the perfection Of
fit And it is the handiest dress in
the whole realm of fashion. 1t is a.
ways done up When you call on Fan
lady. send mp your card, the hired girl
: }oi-
is dressing: she will be down in three
/ quarters of an hour. No, madame is al
ways dressed, always ready to receive.
i and before YOU can get the door mat be-
/ fore Your eyes she is in your midst.
Then again, the Fan ladies don't go to
church to see what others have got on:
/ and they don't 80 back home and describe
I and SANDER it.
"Such is the dark child of savagerv MS
i to every day toilet; and thus, clniously
/ enough, she finds point of contact with
the fair daughter of civilization and high
! fashion, who often has nothing to wear
/ and thus these widely separated types of
/ the sex meet upon common ground.
! Yes, such is the Fan woman as she APP
pears in her simple, unostentatious every
! day toilet. But on state occasions she is
! more dressv. At a banquet she wears
/ bracelets; mt lecture she wears earrings
and belt; at ball she wears stockings.
i and with true feminine fondness for dis
! play she wears them on her arms. At
/ funeral she wears Jacket of tar and
ashes; at avoiding, the bride who can
4 afford it puts on pantaloons. There the
! dark child of savagcry and the fair
/ daughter of civilization meet once more
upon common ground; and these two
! touches of nature make the whole world
/ kin.
Now we will consider the dress Of our
other type. A large part Of the daughter
Of civilization is her dress, rs it should
be. Some civilized women would lose
half their charm without dress, and some
would lose all of it. The daughter of
modern civilization, dressed ut her utmost
best, is a marvel Of exquisite and beauti-
ful art and expense. Iii the lands, all
the chmes, and all the arts are laid under
I tribute to furnish her forth. Her linen
is from Belfast; her robe Is from Paris:
her lace is from Venice or Spain or
France her feathers are from the remoter
regions of southern Africa her ftlrs are
from the remoter home OF the iceberg
diamonds from Brazil: her bracelets from
California; her pearls from Ceylon; her
canoes from Rome: she has gems
aud trinkets from buried Pompeii, and
others that graced comely Egyptian
forms, that have been dust and ashes
now for forty centuries, her watch is from
4 Geneva, her card case is from China, her
hair from, from, 'front.' don't know
where her hair is 'front.' never could
4 find out That is her other hair-her
/ public hair-her Sunday hair. ! don't
! mean the hair she goes to bed with.
Why, you ought to know the hair |
mean it's that thing which she calls a
switch. and which resembles a switch as
much as it resembles brickbat or a
! shotgun, or any other thing which you
correct people with. It's that thing
which she twists and then coils round
and round her head beehive fashion, and
I then tucks the end in under the hive and
harpoons it with hairpin.
"And that reminds me Of trihe. Any
4 time you want to, You can glance around
the carpet of Il Pullman ear and 60 and
/ pick up a hairpin; but, not to save your
4 life, can you get any woman i'll that car
/ to acknowledge that hairpin. Now, isn't
4 that strange? But it's true. The
woman who has never swerved from cast
iron veracity and fidelity in her whole
life will, when confronted with this cru
cial test, deny her hairpin. She will
deny that hairpin before hundred wit
ncsses. | have stupidity got into more
trouble and more hot water trying TO
hunt mp the owner of hairpin in Pull
man car than by any other indiscretion
of my life
well, you see what the daughter Of
civilization is when she is dressed, and
/ YOU have seen what the daughter Of saw
aSery is when she isn't. S5uchis woman
as to costume come, now, toconsider
her i'll her higher and nobler respect-as
mother, wife, widow, grass widow,
mother-in-law, hired girl, telegraph opcr
ator, telephone helloer, queen, book agent,
wet nurse, stepmother, boss, professional
lat woman, professional double-headed
woman, professional beauty aud SO forth
and so on. We Will simply discuss these
tew-let the rest of the sex tarry i'll Jeri-
cho till we come again.
First on the list. and first III our.
gratitude, comes a woman who-who-;
looking at his watch Dear me, I'm>
opposed to this ten-minutc rule. wisi,,. J
supposes all men have equal powers an, t.
infirmities. 1t takes me as long to ge|o
out fifty words as it does some of thes -
.rIa 1.