Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-06-15
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
CAN'T coffin shop properly be called

CAN'T coffin shop properly be called
bier saloon?
By CONTRACTING disease you help to
spread it. Queer, isn't it?
az CAN'T account for it," exclaimed
the defaulting bank cashier. Phi{adet-
f,iia Item.
SMOKING and chewing are two evils,
and ye who select the former chews tho
less C0urier-Jouraat
FoGG says he never finishes cigar bu,
he thinks, Another temptation removed
from the young men of America"
IT IS bad luck for thirteen persons to
sit down together at table, especially
if there is only dinner enough for ten.
THE cat is the great American prinn
donna. If bootjacks were bouquets
her nine lives would be strewn witt
roses.
'AND PLAT wud We want SIGH man as
Pathrich for?" said Mrs. McGlone. eye
niver cud thrust him out yer sight, onliss
We was wild him."
WHAT is called responsibility is great
help to many men. Once they have at
hNAAfSA ~ Chi Rhe Al AAC "hCAC ~
will DO the most good.
AN Indian chief in Washington went
to see the Ideal Opera Company. When
NJ. w. Whitney gave a particularly low
note the chief said: "Ugh! him heap
dug out"
REST is said to be the solution of many
puzzling perplexities. If that's so, we'd
like to solute puzzling perplexity about
three hundred and sixty-fve times a
year. -Courier-JotUnat.
AN IRISH gentleman, hearing of a
friend having a stone coffin made for
himself, exclaimed: "Be me sowl, an
that's a good idea! Shure, an stone
coffin nd last man his lifetime"
A PENNSYLVANIA boy recently swal-
lowed a horseshoe nail without expert
encing any i'll effects. If it had lodged
in his throat it would have made him a
little horse sure. NorriStoWn Herald.
"Is THIS the front of the Capitol?"
asked a newly arrived stranger of an
Austin darkey. "No, sab; dis heah side
in front am de rear. Eff yer wants ter
see the front yer must go around dar
behind on de udder side. "-Ieras Sift-
ingS.
my SON." asked clerical parent of
his hungry boy who was just in the
starvation period, II wish you would
make study of Watts or the Mind.
II will, pa, was the quick answer, "as
soon as / have studied what's on the
stomach"
CALCULATED to fill it: II tell you,
continued Pingrey, Brown isn't fit for
the place. In fact, l don't know of q
place that he is calculated to fill y
Don't be intemperate in your remarks,
Pingrey," said Fogg; "you forget his
stomach"
"YEs." lid the injured party to the
owner OF the dog, II know the dog was
only in play when he bit about half 6
pound of flesh ont of me. Certainly ht
was only in play And was only il
play when took an ak and made hasl
Of him. Only in play, sir. Nothing t.
get mad about =
"TELL your mother I'm coming TO se'
her. said a lady to Mrs. Gibson Bige
loves little boy, who replied: I'm
glad you are coming. Mamma will b.
/ glad, too" "How do you know you
mother will be glad to see me?" asks
the lady. Because l heard her tel
papa, yesterday, that nobody ever cam
10 the honse except men with bills t
collect. Austin SJtings.
HIS exit: There had been seemin
GOODNESS between the lovers. One da.
Emily's schoolmate ventured to refer I
the subject and asked her: "When di
Won see Charlie last?' 1.-TWO week
ago tonight" What was he doing +?
"Trying TO get over the fence. " Di
he appear to be much agitated?" IS
greatly" returned Emily, that it too
all the strength of papa's new buli-do
to hold him.