Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-03

LIE gold miner gets his beer by
| quartz.
CHARITY covers multitude OF church
lotteries.
A ooRN-DoDaER- man who avoids
wearing tight boots.
"M1sKRY may like company" says
colored philosopher; "but I'd raider hab
de rhumatiz In one leg den ter hab it in
bofe."
EVERY man is fond OF striking the nail
on the head but when it happens to be
the fnger-nail, his enthusiasm becomes
wild and incoherent.
Is TT because man is made from dust
that he is always dry? And is it not
true that when he wishes to dampen
himself he has to part with some of mis-
dust.
TEE Philadelphia Press says that the
mark Of ga perfect gentleman is his
making sure that nobody is looking be-
fore he wipes his mouth on the table.
cloth.
TooTsY, on making the horrible dis
covery that her kitten had whiskers
Ma, don't want dis tail Dis is
man tat! want dirl tat l want
dirl tat p
SOME scientist now observes that even
the clam has parasites. He would have
observed as much before if he had ever
noticed the crowd around a free clam
chowder. Citizen.
The great joiner-the lawyer. He
can replace a tenant, impanel a jury,
box witness, bore tie court, chisel his
client, augur the gains, floor witness,
nail the case, hammer the desk, file his
bill, and gouge the whole community.
A LITERARY reviewer says: edward
l.. Anderson has written book sOn
Horseback. Some authors are very
eccentric. If the horse was trotting at
the time his manuscript must have
looked like the inscription on the Egyp-
tan obel1sk. -NovristoU7 Herald.
The most absent-minded man was
not the man who hunted for his pipe
when it was between his teeth, nor the
man who threw his hat out of the win
dow and tried to hang his cigar on
peg; but the man who put his UNI
brella to bed and went and stood behind
the door.
ScENE-A ward in Scotch infirmary.
Lady visitor: care they kind to you
here?" Patient (who is recovering from
his illness and is very hungry: ssNa, I
| never get hauf ma full" Lady visitor:
"Indeed. Could you eat an egg ?" Pa
tient: "Eat an egg! Could a eat twa
Mem, could eat the chap that laid
them"
TRIBU1ATIoNs of the truly good: Cler-
gyman (who suddenly discovers that he
has given hackman the counterfeit
half dollar that he was anxious to de-
stroy): "Hi, hackman, I've made mis-
take" Hackman (who has palmed off
bad quarter In change and is hurriedly
driving Off: No, sir; you will find it
quite correct"
A LADY of uncertain age looks unut-
terable on the street at gentleman, who
thereupon ventures to offer his umbrel-
la. Chow dare you speak to me, sir p
she demands, in apparent anger. "I
beg you not to be offended. could not
resist offering you a simple courtesy"
he replies, adding, as her anger shippers
away, "you look so exactly like my
mother" Somehow she scuds along
| with look that would have taken the
glazing off stone jar.
"WERE you actively engaged in the
late WARP" asked stranger in Austin of
Gen. JEFF Brakeman. ooh, yes, was
very actively engaged in shipping cot
ton to Europe during the war;" 'Then
how did you come to be called Gen
eral 2" "Well, you see, I made money
during the war, and afterward the boys
came home poor, and wanted to borrow
little money. Igenerally loaned it to
them, and that's how came to be called
General, and it has stuck to me ever
since. "-7e1as Sittings.
FAITHFUL ROONEY" the servant of
Mr.. McDonogh, an eminent Dublin bar
rister, who died recently, was almost as
well known as his master. During
long vacation Mr.. McDonogh, who was
a great dandy, and very vain Of his per-
sonal appearance, promenaded daily on
the parade at Brighton, umbrella ex-
banded to keep off the suns rays, the
faithful Rooney following at respectful
distance in his wake. Poor Rooney at
length grew tired of the promenading,
and taxed his wits to get a holiday. OPP
portunity ere long arose. His master
inquired what the people said of him;
were they not struck by his distingue
appearance, etc. Rooney scratched his
head, and answered, "Och, sure, your
Honor might be vexed if I touid."
"Not at all. I command you to tell
me-" said the lordly Frank. We'll,
sir" said Rooney, with pretended diff
dence, "when they see me following
your Honor, they say that you are
lunatic, and I'm your keeper" "Roo-
ney," said Mr.. McDonogh, in awful ac-
cents, 81 must go without you in fu.
ture."
A YOUNG man in train was making
fun of lady's hat to an elderly gentle
man in the seat with him. eyes," said
his seat-mste. "that's my wife, and I
told her if she wore that bonnet that
some fool would make fun of it" The
young man slid out. At the next sta
ton the old man poured out his hot cof-
fee into the saucer to cool. sLook,
ma, said snickering girl sat that old
fashioned way of drinking" eyes,"
said the elderly gentleman, "and it was
old fashioned manners not to notice it"
The elderly gentleman finished his Jour-
new in peace