News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-04-13

A LOVER writes to his fair but fckl
X tiancee: 81 have wastad choir Of pa
tx per writing notes to you, aud now !
music be food for love it's played"
e IT is the season for raising things.
g The first thing generally raised in the
n spring is-the rent. After that cone
p spring radishes and greens. Graphic.
f THE English complain that our cot
Il ton has sand in it. Let 'em work il
? right in, Call it friction factory and sell
{ it for match scratchers.
3 a STATE Commissioner OF life insur-
s ance said: fReceivership' but halls
4 covers the case. We need new word
that shall signify both to receive and
devour."
} IT is because he has heard that close
) attention to small things makes the suc-
cessful man, that certain young clerk
in this city takes such good care of his
mustache. Laramie Boomerang.
A CORRESPONDENT asks, "Can hens
be made too fat to lay ?" That depends
upon the lay. If it's to lay inside of
lonesome stomach, we don't think they
can. Rome Sentinel
THIS is the season when the Florida
man, desiring to make a trip north,
puts two strawberries in his trunk and
on arriving here sells them for enough
to pay all expenses. PHILADELPHIA
NeWs.
a FEW days since barber offered
reward for instantly removing super
fuous hair. Among the answers was
one forwarded by a gentleman in
Kingston. We give it: Undertake to
kiss woman against her will"
This is the young cotton speculator.
He is wearing Grape on his hat. None
of his relatives are dead. Why, then,
does he wear Grape on his hat? Be-
cause he got in front of the cotton mar
ket when it was loaded? Did the mar
ket go off? Yes, the market went off.
A CERTAIN young man walks fve-sey-
enths of mile for seven nights in a
week to see his girl, and after putting
in 112 nights, he gets the bounce. Mow
many miles did he hoof it altogether,
and how many weeks did it take him to
understand that he wasn't wanted?
A BILL HAS been introduced in the
New York Legislature compelling the
repayment of fifty per cent. to persons
purchasing furniture on the installment
plan in case of the seizure of the furni-
fr1ra H. fba 60. Is
| tract"
ACCORDING to the telegrams, the food
carried off lot OF distillery cattle. To
save correspondents the trouble OF
writing to us to know what kind Of
stock distillery cattle are, we say right
now, that we do not know, unless distil-
lery cattle is technical term for cc-aed
beef. -TeraS iSfftings.
BEHIND the dim unknown
Standeth God, within tie shadow, keefing
Watch above His own.
| He that has light within bis own clear breast
May sit il the centre and enjoy bright day,
But he that hides dark soul and foul
| thoughts,
Benighted walks under the midday sun,
| Himself is his own dungeon.
If burglar ever e1tere room orna-
roented with Georgia mans alarm, he
viii hit thread which is stretched
across it. This pulls the trigger that
strikes match, that lights q wick that
fires toy cannon and starts an alarm
clock. This is hint to the burglar to
retire and let the inmates of the room
sleep in peace.
The duties of the genuine dyed-in.
the-wool, simon-pure editor are multi
farious and multitudinous. His work
is not only to "do little writin'," as is
sometimes supposed, but to Gull, to
CLEAN, to select, to discriminate, to de-
eide, to foresee, to observe, to grasp, to
explain, to elucidate, to initiate, to
boil down, "to be, to do and to suf-
fer," and several hundred other verbs,
with large number of districts to hear
from.-Ne,OSdealers Bulletin.
Foee "put his foot in it badly the
other afternoon. It was rather dark in
the street car as he entered, but he
thought he recognised his friend
Pingrey sitting in the middle; so he
gave him push, saying; Come, move
over Do you want all the car to
yourself ?" 1t was not Pingrey. 1t was
stranger. Fogg stammered out an
apology. ST thought" said he, "you
were gentleman" Did you?" in
terrupted the stranger. "Well, sir,
nobody will ever mistake You for one."
M. DE CA1NAUx burns with the desire
to see America. He goes on board
ship, but before weighing anchor the
weather suddenly becomes extremely
tempestuous. The passengers are
ordered below. NJ. de Calinaux refuses
to obey. "Come, come" somebody
says to him, "you'd better do as they
say. If you don't they'll lock you up
in your stateroom." "Lock me upp
yes," he reioined, "that's just what they
want to do, and then sail without
me p'-FTe,sch Paper.
BURpETTE writes from Nantucket:~-
"Many of the old houses in the town are
shingled all the way over, reminding
one of the houses so common in st.
John. The shingler, when he shungle,
apparently began at the Dashboard,
shongle right up the front of the housei
over the cornice, up to the ridge pole,
where he crawled over, went right along
shingling, and shangle head first on
down the other side of the house to the
ground. Perhaps it was not done In
this way. DO not assert that it was.
only say, and I say it very meekly,
that that is the way it impressed me,
and il any man says am liar, 1 will
take it back, right Immediately, and ad-
NIT that the shingles were pasted on
with gum arabic or the white of egg."
MANY stories are told of the Earl OF
Balcarres's kindness of heart, of which
this is sample: Visiting field of tur-
nips on which he greatly prided himself
he found an old pensioner of his busily
filling O sack with his fine favorites.
He gave her scolding, to which she
only replied with a curtsey, and he was
walking away, when she called after
him: "Eh, my Lord, it's unco heavy
Wad ye no be so kind as to help me on
wi it2" which he did, and the old
woman trudged off rejoicing. One year