Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-08-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

Snonl0ef tne Otnef Gay, Dut NC u'uh
consider it much of curiosity. One OF
them belonged to his girl.
THE castor-oil plant is said to be pc
culiarly obuoxious to ftrs; but one
can't have castor-oil plant growing on
top his bald head. Nor Hauen Regis
ter.
HE-"Whv do you persist in moving
awav from me so far, dear cousin? ?"
She-'Oh, for distant relative, it
seems to me you are near enough al
ready"
FoGG at the theatre: "H'mr' eiacu-
lated Fogg. $50 they say this play is
taken from ife L? [ should say rather
that the life is taken from the play. y
Boston Transcript.
"HURaAH for the girls of '76w
"Thnnder!" cried Jersey maa, ''that's
too old No, no-hurrah for the girls
of II !" The New Jersey man got all
to shout with him.
BREEDING: In a horse -car-"Camp-
bell, my dear fellow, don't show good
breeding toward the ladies, or folks will
think Won came from the country
Ni~Strated American.
''Is THIS your first appearance in a
court of Justice ?" asked the Austin re-
corder of vagrant "No, Judge, it is
the last time thus far-how is it with
yourself?"-Ttras .Sftings.
The Wise Man and the Fool:-The
fool goeth out in 1oat when he
doesn't know boom from a breaker;
l,t1f f,a
the shore and Il rts with the girl in the
pink dress. Detroit Free Press.
THERE are two things which ought
! equally to excite our gratitude. The
thing that happens to us and from
which we have a lucky escape, and the
thing from which we luckily escape
because 1t don't happen to US.
\ YOUNG lady gave her fellow the NIT
ten for some reason, whereupon he
threatened to publish her letters in
revenge. every well, she said, 81 am
ashamed of nothing in them but their
address"
a SUNDAY SCHOOL teacher read to his
class that the Ethiopian eunuch went
on his way rel i)lcing after Philip had
talked with him, aud then asked, "Why
did he rel ,ice?" A boy answered,
'Because Philip was done a-teachin'
him"
If YOU want to be very fashionable in
your correspondence you must use fancy
! colored sealing wax aud a big seal to
close Your envelopes. Aud don't forget
the extra p)stag9 stamp therefor, or the
receiver of tue letter won't appreciate
" oil tt,la
"PRAY what is lighter than a fea'he -
= Du-t. my friend. in drlcSt weather.
- What's lighter than the dust, pray 2"
The wind that watts il t ,r awav"
Pray what is lighter than the wind ~
! The lightness Of womans mlnd."
" Aud what Is lighter than thr last?"
" Nay, now, my friend, you have me fast ~
A NEW contribution basket has been
invented which rings a gong every time
a button without an eye or ten-cent
piece with one is dropped into it. The
| first Sunday it was tried in an Amster-
dam church it went off like a Gatling
gnn the whole round trip.-Burlingto
Hg3Ukeye.
ELIZABETH PERKINS, of Milne. only
got verdict of SO on breach of
promise case the other day. Not much
of bonanza, but she had the satlsfac-
tion of feeling that the jury slurred the
man by inslnuating that she wasn't
damaged much in not getting him.
"YoU advertise that there is a fine
stream of water on the place, but [ don't
see 1T, remarked stranger who wanted
to rent the place Tne landlord said:
'Jnst work that pump-handle little
aud you will see fine stream OF water.
You don't expect TO have the Niagara
Falls on the place for fifteen dollars a
month, do you?''
"WHAT shall my song be tonight ?"
said Miss Tibbs ut the tea table. eve
are going to have a musicale. [ think
| shall try Within q mile of Z linboro'.
''Seems to me" said Jones, the un-
daunted, 81 would try something /
could come within less than a mile OF.
Mss L. says she thinks Lieutenant
Jones is jnSt horrid.
"ONLY one mother" read Jimmy
Tutfhoy, as he glanced at the headline
in q newspaper. 'Gollv, how fellow
would catch it if he had two mothers.
Both ears pulled at the same time, go
without my supper twice In one day,
sent on Two eFTHlltS Ill Two Qlueroub
directions ut the same time. Well, I
can't be too thankful dad amt Nor
mon."
JACK LINCOLN, son of Secretary Lin
coin, Is a very bright and interesting
little fellow, aud affords a considerable
amount of entertainment to the clerks
and visitors to his fathers off ce. The
other day he was amusing himself by
copying the names of the Presidents,
and, pau,iug, looked up from his work,
and, with great naivete, remarked:
"Why, ever so many of the Presidents
were named after streets III Chicago"
spELLISG-arATcH.
Stand M. We teachers now and spell
Spell phenakstoscope ant knell.
Or take some simple word as chilly,
Or gauger. or the garden lily.
To spell such wOr, aS SyllOgiSm,
And lacnrynosc aud synchronism,
And P,n'atcuch and >accAariDe,
Apocrypha and celandluc,
IactIfcrous AMI cecty.
Jeiane and homeopathy.
Paralysis and chloroform.
Ruinoc,rc> n d pac yderm.
VI tcmp~y Ghosts, gherkins, basque,
* certainly easy task.
Kaleidoscope and tennessee.
krmschatka and d>pen>ary,
DIphthong and erysipelas
And etiquette and sas.afIaS,
lnfailibr aud PITY ,lism.
Allop thy and rheum ttlsm,