Morning journal and courier., 1882-04-12
The Etiquette of Calls and Cards.


 1 time to give up the popular system of gov ernment
 The Etiquette of Calls and Cards. Louise Chandler Moulton in Our Continent
 The language of cards is as various as that of flowers in Italy or fans in Spain Like the wares of 8 certain noted shop which be- gin with christening robes, end with deep mourning cards accompany you all the way from the cradle to the grave. It is quite customary now to send out engraved an- nouncements of the birth of a child, then cards for it's christening, later on little fairy like cards of invitation to children's parties. until finally the girl crosses that line
 ''where the brook and river meet
 Womsnhood and childhood feet sets up her own card case and becomes young lady.
 In fashionable society it is customary to give ball or party on this social comlng ot age A little before this debut the mother makes a round of calls upon those families whose. acquaintance she desires for her daughter, leaving her own and her husbands cards About two weeks or ten days previ- ous to the party engraved invitations are sent out for it. Sometimes it's purpose is stated upon these invitations, but 1t is simpler and quite as good form merely to enclose the card of the young lady with the card of invi- tation. On the reception evening the de-
 
 and Is presented to each of the guests. In the visits of ceremony which follow this entertainment the young lady must be asked for as we'll her mamma.
 The coming of age of young man. unless 1t be the eldest son of an English family, is not an occasion of so much social impor- tance. He somehow makes his way into so- eiety in 8 rather informal manner. He goes first, perhaps as the escort of his mother or sisters, and he soon will be invited on his own account. If, however, he has been edu- cated abroad, or has for any reason been long absent from home, 1t is not unusual to welcome his return by reception, at which he is made acquainted with the friends of his family.
 Cards of invitation should, as I said last week, be sent and replied to by post, but calls after reception must be made in per son, unless the distance be so great as to make this serious inconyenience, in which case a note expressing the pleasure derived from the past entertainment may be sent in place of an immediate call.
 Great importance attaches to the prompt ness with which visit is returned. In Lon don and in some continental cities 1t Is con- sidered courteous to return such visit the next day, and three days is the limit allowed by politeness. With us it is regarded as i'm portant to return such visit within a week It would be gross rudeness to return first visit made in person bY card sent through the post, or even sent by a servant. It is necessary to go yourself and to ask to see the lady if she is receiving However many peo- pie are included in visit of ceremony, 1t is only customary to send up one card If visi- tor is admitted. If the ladies are not at home, of course card Is Jeff for each, unless 8 general card turned down the middle Is made to do duty for all
 Visits of congratulation and of confidence must also be paid in person. We show our selves in earnest in our wish to rejoice with those that rejoice, and to mourn with those who mourn. A visit of congratulation on an engagement, for instance, can hardly be made too soon A visit of condolence is made within ten days after bereavement, If the families are at all intimate; in cases of more formal acqnaintanesship, within a month. The visitor should not be the first to allude to her friends loss. To some mourners it is 8 comfort to speak of their sorrow, while to others it is like the turning of knife in sore wound. Often the close clasp of friendly hand is more eloquent than any words, and the most reserved of us are some times glad to speak If we feel sure that we are understood.
 The Hindoo mother bewailing her loss, as if on her alone had fallen the uttermost cruelty of fate, was sent bS Buddha to find flower in the garden Of house into which death had never come, and she returned at evening with empty hands and lips, afraid to complain Nothing so universal as death can be other than benefcent," said Schiller and we read him and approve when death himself is far away. But when be comes we shrink from him, and in the homes he has left empty we do not dare at first to talk of resignation.
 While cards may not be sent in token of condolence or congratulation, letters are ad- missible where the intimacy is not very close, except in the case of congratulations to the newly married. A visit in person is due to them, as we'll as to the parents who have in- vited you to the wedding. I think indeed that call upon two young people happily married IS too pleasant athing to be willing iy missed. The pretty little airs of proprie- torship of home and husband which the young wife uneonsciously puts on-the bright newness and daintiness of all the household appointments-the atmosphere of hope and spring and joy that perxades everything-to see them is like sitting under boughs pink with bios soms, or looking at Hennessy's pie lures of June days. Vive Ia ieunesse and vive ramour, Perhaps if they were ever lasting they would not be so sweet,
 After eeremonious dinner, luncheon or breakfast calls should be made within three days, and within a week after being invited to ball or reception, whether the invitation has been accepted or not. If a lady is not
  instructions to her servants to that effect as. after visitor has once been admitted 1t is important to see her, at whatever cost of inconvenience Otherwise she might easily imagine that your being engaged was per sonal matter, and that another than herself would have been received. Any delay in mak- ing one's appearance should be apologized for and word should be sent that the lady will be down in few moments. If a rather long delay is inevitable the visitor should be informed of it and given her option whether she will wait or not.
 4 lady always rises to receive her visitor. An English lady always rings, when you are making your adieux, for a servant to be in readiness to open the door. In America this good custom is less universal If the gentle men of the family are present, one of them will always go to the door with a lady guest. and will see her to her carriage, if she has one but lady who regards rules of eli quette will not leave one guest to go to the door with knother, unless the departing visi tor have some special claim of age or of invalidism.
 Among the cards it is considered allowable to send by post, P. P. c. cards arc included. It is not expected that people, in the hurry of departure, can find time 10 make visits; and all current social obligations are fulfilled by the recognition conveyed in the card of farewell.
 movement is being made in certain quar- ters to make cards sent by post do duty in- stead of formal visits after an entertainment As yet, however, this suggestion finds little favor, but think it an extremely sensible one. Life is so short, and duties as well as pleasure are so numerous, that IL seems to me desirable to remit as many social taxes as possible There is no danger that we shall not be drawn, whether ceremony demands it or not, to the houses of those people who have something for which we wait and to whom we have something to give in our turn. The people whom we cannot afford to lose we shall al- ways find, whether the thing which makes them important to is sympathy of ideas. or only that indefnable something which draws two people together without special reason, and gives to the briefest meeting the character of festival