The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-12
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

Do you play poker, Mrs. Schenk-
wales" II do; I play it on Mr..
Schenkwales' head sometimes"
NEVER send present hoping for one
in return" Never. Get your present
first, always, and send yours when you
have time.
6 Is THE General on the retired list?"
they asked of his wife the other evening.
" Retired no, indeed = she replied
hes down to the club playing poker"
JONES accompanied by his dog Snap
meets Brown, who accosts him with,
Good morning, Jones how's your dog
Snap" Jones'" Pretty well, I thank
you; how are you?'
IMAGINE the indignation of an Ameri-
can boy in a French school, who in
history class is told how Lafayette, the
great French General, triumphed in the
Revolution, assisted by Washington.
"JUsr taste that tea, :" said old Hyson
to his better half, at the supper table,
the other evening. well, there doesn't
seem to be anything the matter with it.
can't taste anything" 'sNeither can l,
and that's what I'm growing at !"
FIRST SwEL1-"I never did like
May not nearly so pretty as Mary
wonder they don't change the name of
the month to Mary. >" Second Swell
"Clevaw ideaw, by Jove; make awys-
taws good to June, you know!"
MoDEsTY: "Do you pretend to have
as good a Judgment as I have?" ex-
claimed an enraged wife to her husband.
| ''Wel, no." he replied slowly, "oVr
choice of partners for life shows that my
Judgment is not to be compared with
yours.
A FRENCH officer said to Swiss Col
onel How is it that your countrymen
always fight for money, while we French
always fight for honor 2" The Swiss
shrugged his shoulders and replied 81
suppose it is because people are apt to
fight for that which they need most.
eel UNDERSTAND that Brown is in
trouble, said Smithson. eyes," replied
Fogg. "Brown was at the auction shop
the other day. They had a silver pitcher,
and Brown offered to take it-offered to
take it for nothing, you know. Well,
the Sheriff took him up. That's all.
IT Is quite a proper idea for young
lady to paint bunch of pansies on a
fresh-laid egg and toward it by special
messenger to her best gentleman friend.
This signifies Spa is Matching another
scheme against you. Come over the
garden wall this evening"" The inter
est now begins. -NesD Haven Register.
UNCLE NED lost dollar the other day,
and when he went home he called up his
eldest son. "Come heah, boy, and set
down. Dis am a queer worP, anyway,
boy; jis' wen yo' think yo' am layin' on
feathers on walzin' on roses-slap an
dar yo' is, flat in de mud, playiu' tattoo
Wild yo' heels on mex to muffin. OIL
City Derrick.
TERRIBLE fate of kind-hearted girl
According to truthful Indian newspa-
per, hungry lion invaded a young
ladies' seminary on commencement day,
and, bouncing in among them, carried
off the prettiest and plumpest, with her
composition in her pocket-a schoolgirl
essay on kindness to animals.
"How profoundly still and beautiful
is the night" she whispered, resting her
finely-veined temple against his coat
collar and fixing her dreamy eyes on the
far-off Pleiades, chow soothing, how
restful" eyes" he replied, toying
with the golden aureola of her hair,
"and what a night to shoot cats. -
Brooklyn Eagle.
"LooK var, Glen, don yo' be growlin'
bout de scaceness on dem var trousers!
Dey's got as much war in 'em yit as
dem shanks O yo'n, chen eff yo' fader
did tram 'roun' in EN- mon forty year.
He didn't hab no SIGH airs He'd be
prancin' 'roun' in 'em yit, and be proud
huff oh de chance, eff dar wuz any Ca
sion for gearmints whar he's gone. -
! Rome Sentinel.