Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-06-05

The tailor knows how to get around a
customer.
The first Arctic expedition on record
was Noahs.
A little boy called out to his father,
who had mounted his horse for journey,
Goodbye, papa. I love you thirty miles
long" A little sister quickly added,
Goodbye, dear papa. You will never
ride to the end of my love-"
Among the gifts of newly married
pair the other evening was broom, sent
to the lady, accompanied with the follow
ing sentiment: ''This trifling gift accept
from me, its use l would commend. In
sunshine use the bushy part; in storms
the other end"
"My son." said the wise father, deftly
| laying the skate strap along the shrinking
| back of his howling son. 'I'm doing this
| for your own good" And as the lad
| jumped clear over the saw-buck he wall
ed, "Don't make me too good, dad be
not righteous over much, you know"
| We remember once recording the fact
that a little boy said that soda water
tastes like your foot's asleep. This re-
minds us of Yankee ON the Pacific Ocean
who for the first time got a mouthful of
Chilli peppers. When the tears fell, he
gasped, ''no more pins and needles on
| toast
A bear, wishing to rob a beehive, laid
himself down in front of it and overturned
it with his paw. ''Now," said he, 81 will
lie perfectly still and let the bees sting me
until they are exhausted and powerless !;
their honey may then be obtained without
opposition And it was so obtained, but
by fresh bear, the other being dead.
A swain overtaking young lady friend
in shower of course took her under his
umbrella. Before the walk was over he
presumed on his opportunity to do little
love-making, but she checked him with
the remark, ssGo slow, jim; I'm glad to
have you for a rain-beau, but not for a
rain-dear." And the young man ceased
his amatory Jim-nastics.
When old Mrs. Bunsby had gone
through reading in the morning paper al
account of the last fire, she turned hel
spectacles from her eyes to the top of hel
head and remarked: ''If the city firemer
would wear the generwine hum-knit
stockints, such as we make and wear il
the country, they wouldn't be II Dustin o
their hose at every fire.
A thousand men can go to work a
seven O'Clock in the morning without tht
ringing of bell, and why is it that 30l
| people cannot assemble in a church with
out previous ding-donging lasting hal
an hour?-Free Press. Why, man, it,
because they go out at seven O'Clock t.
get money. Put a twenty-dollar golt
piece in each pew every Sunday, and yol
may sell your bell for old metal.
Tommy was a little rogue whom hi
mother had hard work to manage. Thei
house in the country was raised few fee
from the ground, and Tommy, to escap
a well-deserved whipping, ran from hi
mother and crept under the house. Pres
emily the father came home, and hearin
where the boy had taken refuge, crep
under to bring him out. As he approach
on his hands and knees, Tommy asked
s.Is she after you, too?"
| A SURPRISING CHANGE.-ssI take n
| other medicine whatever, therefore mus
attribute my improved condition to Con
pound Oxygen. Four weeks ago / wa
weak, unable to sit up long at time, wit
paroxysms of coughing that would max
my lungs feel sore PROSTATE me very mucl
The change has been so surprising to N
and my family Treaties on Compoun
Oxygen sent free. Drs. Starkey Palel
ll09 and I'LL Girard street. Philadelphi;