The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-11-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

Why is a messenger like a penny?
Because he's one cent.
What is it that nobody wants, yet no.
bodylikes to lose? lawsuit,
How paridoXical is man! First he
lies and then stands--to his lie.
A policeman in Gallon, O., had his
shoes stolen from his feet while he slept
at his post.
When powder magazine blows up,
it can, we suppose, be called flash liter
AZURE
Phosphorus is the striking name of a
new color, 1t will be worn by match
making mammaS
Mr. Gladstone owns piece of land at
Niagara Falls and refuses to sell at any
price. He probably has toll-gatc on it.
The bear idea of speculation is enough
TO crush many young uen "hp lave flu
rures ngIOre tueln.
1t is remarked by Kentucky paper
that the feeling between ague and quiz
nine is exceedingly bitter"
Because man spends the greater
part Of his time in lifting beers it isn't
safe to bet that he's an undertaken.
We sheer at the Siamese for worship
ing the elephant; but think of the mon
eythat is paid here annually just to see it!
A piece Of steel is good deal like q
man-when you get it red-hot it loses
its temper.
Scarlet fever Is prevalent among the
childrenit breaks out in jackets,
skirts and Tam O'Shanter hats.
Many young men complain of the
cost of courtship, but in the long run it
is not so expensive as seeing the
boys"
Eyes, the electric light is a great in
vention,' muttered Flub, as he felt
about the door, IAN every keyhole
should have one"
II the fire OF love should consume
maiden's heart, we presume the aver
age insurance agent would account for
it on the ground of defective hue.N
There is disgusting amount of crime
in the newspapers, but the man who
has pimple on his nose can't blame
the looking-glass for showing it.
An English doctor wants everybody
to be buried in u wicker casket instead
of a plain coffin, He is supposed to be
interested in willow plantation.
A little girl, upon being asked who
did Adam and Eve sin against when
they ate the fruit, meekly replied
Their parents and friends, ma am
Said loving wife to her husband:
"Do You know, dear that butterfly or
uaments are very fashiouable?n Per
haps So,' he gruny replied, "but grub
is the great desidcratum.
Said a miserable little Cincinnati boy
who had just received scoldng from
his father, Ma, wish I'd never been
born" "Why, Charley?" well,
think I'd been better boy
Charles, dear she murmurcd, as
she strolled along the other evening,
and ga6ed up at the beleweled frma-
ment, (Which is Venus and which is
Adonis?'
When a man says be is satisfied with
his lot YOU may be sure of one Of two
things either he is a very unenterpris-
ing specimen of humanity or he is ~
mg,
A local paper publishes poem euti.
tied "Why the Cows Came Late The
COWS probably came late because they
had an engagement in somebody S
front yard.
\ London paper demands ''live
preaching and says the ministers
should pitch into" the vices of thei,
hearers. Nonsense! A preacher like,
to be popular as well as other folks.
: Hadn't better pray for rain to-day
, dcaconP" said Biughamton minister
sunday. "Not to-day, dominic,
think, was the prudent reply; "thc
wind isn right.
, An editor wrote a headline, "A lIor
|. rlblc Blunder,' to go over railroad nc
I cident but though it was the printer,
Z fault that II got over the account Of ;
wedding, the editor was the ma,
thrashcd all the same.