The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-09-02
WIT AND WISDOM.


When politics come in at the door
peace flies out at the window.
Life is riddle, says Western ex-
change. Yes; lots Of people give it
up every day.
Many good politician has re-
NAMED consistent by not reading his
party's platforms.
Thought of Paris gambler:
Beautiful plays deceive almost as
often as beautiful women.
There is one advantage about fly
time. One doesn't need an alarm
clock to secure an early awakening.
An autopsy of the deceased Amer
lean Minister to Italy reveals that
he was ground to death by hand or
gans.
When an Ohio man is at the point
of death the physician saves him by
saying: There are no offices in the
other world
There seems to be a strong scnti-
ment among all parties that Judge
Pershing should have no opposition
for the bench this fall.
Arab Bey once madly loved an
Egyptian girl, but didn't get her.
Had he got her he would have known
more about war than he does.
A brother of the King Of Siam is
named Damroughscr. We should
Judge the folks who named him took
him for New York Alderman.
Perhaps the most exasperating
question Of the present torrid term
has been propounded by the news
paper man who asked: DO fish per-
spireY
Nothing is so annoying to an OK.
pert as to find after he has prepared
himself to testify on one side OF q
case, that he is hired to throw his
weight on the other side.
Its about even up as to which can
run the fastest this weather, rail
road train or butter. Those who live
in boarding houses will be apt to bet
on the butter.
During a thunder storm out West
book canvasscr took shelter under
tree and was struck on the cheek by
lightning. The doctors say the
lightning can't live.
Such progress has been made In
photography that dry plate'can now
be used. We shouldn't be surprised
| If some day q restaurant advertised
a dry drink
A Denver Chinaman, who has
gone into the icc-cream business re-
Gently, has the following sign near
the door: You catch 'em fleezy belly
two bittce all same Sian Francisco
Idaho has newspaper Office and
a lager beer saloon combined under
one management. Fifty editors are
waiting for vacancy in that Office
b, death, having lost all hope Of q
rsi aation.
1t seems strange that the deaf and
dumb sign language has not come
into more general use in polite So
ciety. 1t would be so handy at din
ner parties for the man who wants to
talk with his mouth full.
At restaurant on Virginia rail
road traveller threw piece of pie
out Of the window and had to pay
$500 for breaking three ribs OF a
boy. Hc didn't know it was loaded,
but they wouldn't take that excuse.
You can knock q whole hotel full
OF folks silly by sliding into the
kitchen and putting u cats claw into
the hash. All the evidence in the
world that the hash was made upon
honor wouldn't convince them it
was O. X.
A small stream in Pennsylvania,
which some years ago was alive with
tadpoles and mud turtles, has been
permitted to dry up, just because
member OF congress refused to ask
an appropriation Of $4,000 to i'm
prove it.
The meanest kind of mean man
is the one who, seeing another lying
in hammock, bowls "dog fight" so
that he may see the victim try to get
out of the hammock quick, and get
slung about six commensurate with
mud in his mouth.
A Goldfish was recently found with
small bottle of celery salt inside
his vitals. The introduction Of
celery salt into the Goldfish will no
doubt work wonderful revolution
into the Goldfish ball and correct the
wood violet favor Of the Goldfish ham.
A Milwaukee drug clerk was whip
ped for putting whisky in prohibit
tionist's soda, and the next day lost
his situation because he failed to
comprehend the significance Of an in
fluential citizens wink. 1t evidently
requires Metternich to run soda
fountain.
A Michigan paper claims that
snakes destroy rats and mice, and
there should be law for their pro
lection. The editor OF that pa
per has doubtless found that snakes
are becoming SO scarce that when
he asks for quart Of whisky for
a snake bite no one will believe him.
Flies that can PASS themaelves OF