The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1882-08-08
1T PAYS TO ADVERTISE,
" For There's Not ~ Line I'm the Paper
That Nobody Reads"

NObUuy
The following was read by Frank g. Tobey,
OF tho Providence Journal before tho Rhode
Island Press Association. 1t is not only good
reading, but 1t Is tho strict truth. 1t pays to
advertiso
"Tho editor sat I'm his chair alone
bueier person there never was known
When In came farmer, Jolly old soul,
Whose name for long years had been borne on
OF paying subscribers. He had como into town
To bring his good wife and some farm produce
down,
And having n moment or two no could spare
Had run IN as usual, to bring I'm share
OF his own inward sunshine, to Tighten tho
OF tho man Of the press and his dull cherries
ROOM
And saw who was there, was OF joyful surprise;
And he greeted his friend with q deal OF glad
zest,
rest.
When, at length tho old farmer got ready to
He said, with a sly little laugh In his sioovo,
MY dear fricnd, there is ono thing Just
want to say
Now, please don't get vexed, for you know It's
But what MAKES you put in each paper you
so much that is worthloss-tio you take tho
woli-potty misfortunes-- and little mlsdoods--
And lots OF small matters that nobody roads
The editor looked Mt him square In the face,
AT first with a frown, then smilo took Its
MY dear friend ho replied, T'm surprised
Every line In tho paper is road-but It's 80;
And now, II you wish, Iwill mnke my words
And prove what say, as every man should
I'll put In the very next paper n line,
Or two about youth acorso print or ilne,
Whichever you choose, and Just whore you
And II you don't md on tho very next day
That your neishbors all read It'll promise to
Free Subscriptions to you Just as long as you
Agreed, said the farmer, you shall sing
now song;
Put II right in the middle OF one of those long
ftne-type advertisements-I never yet knew
Any person OF sense TO read one OF those
III hear from it twice will bring down to YOU
The best load OF garden sauce ever grew
Then the good days were passed, and tho
And the editor laughed to himself without
doubt,
AS he thought of his wager and how 1t would
And the nice little Joke no would have on his
Then he wrote Just two lines, and no ordered
them set
In the smallest of typc-thinking Ill win that
And he placed thom himself, to DO sure and
not fail,
In tho midst OF close agate real estate
For, to better succeed In his little designs,
He'd selected place where to put these two
lines
And have them connected with what followed
and mako
Asentcnce complete In itself, without break.
These tho lines that he wrote: our old friend,
good James True,
Who is one OF the best mon tho world ever
knew,
ne all
that no said
About james, but the line next below these two
VIII be sold very cheap'-thon went on to IN.
The beauties and bounds of the estate to DO
The paper was printed, The next day but one,
The farmer came in, With his eyes full OF fun;
you have won,' he began, 1ust as sure as
why, befoSe I'd got breakfast alto yesterday
Two or three of my neighpors called, purpose
What that meant in the paper they saw about
q hadn't seen 1t YETI Then, during the day,
Every neighbor that met me had something to
About my being sold. was sold very cheap,
And you did 1t well, too # was too good to
Solve told the whole story, and come with all
To bring you the garden sauce a. agreed
The editor looked from his window and saw
His friend had brought in all his horses could
draw
All for him; he declined to accep, It, but found
That his friend would not listen, and was on
with q bound,
Saying, cheerily, as he went out-'In your
next
Just say Jim True's preaching, and this is his
text:
There is nnught In the paper-fruit, flowers or
weeds
Not q line in the paper that nobody reads"