The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-03-08
NO. 1914
COMIC COM MENTS.

Valuable gum The annual value Of
the spruce gum of the United States IS
800, 900; and yet people make fun Of it.
Gladstone according to Yates Ed
mund Yates says Gladstone is not n great
man. If Mr. Gladstone ever finds out who
Yates is he may talk back.
Mast denies his loss; Il. Mast says he
did not lose $4,000 in Colorado mines Oh
well; perhaps it was in those of Dakota
", y. Commercial -dderrttser.
Charity staying at home; A man no
sooner makes up his mind to send a ton Of
coal around TO poor widow than the wealth
er comes very warm and charity stays at
home.
Prudent Having learned that brown
stone for building purposes is not durable,
we have changed our plans, and the family
residence shall be constructed Of wood
Rochester Erpress.
"A bunch Of bulIpoints The Rutland
| (yt.) Herald seems TO have very little ID.
| spect for the bulwark Of our liberties when
i J sRssss Ct shas jgtslsant bunch0f bnll
j Good wages The young Englishmhn
just over, read to his wife the heading of
medicine advertisement :. Gained eight
pounds in ten days. and remarked, Hex
cellent wages that, Marry Y, Egeasag
! Post
| Cute fashion fact Gloves will be worn
as long as swallow-tail coats are in fashion
What in the world would gilded youths in
swallow-tails do with their hands il they
could not keep buttoning and unbuttoning
their gloves ?-Aaon.
A logical hired girl Main street
lady demonstrated with green girl who had
washed q table-dish in a wash-basin. She
nearly convulsed the whole family by re-
plying: well, mum, but l clanes the
basin agin afore anybody washes in it,
lie Roy Times.
This muggy weather: He came home
the other night in the drizzling rain soaked
inside as well as out "What excuse have
you to offer,n said his better half, "for
coming home in such berry condition z"
None, my dear, was his answer, scept
twas very muggy day. -Nenport Nelcs.
"A little rascal: A boy who had been
watching through the keyhole the antics OF
n couple of lovers, ran down into the kitch
en- to announce his discovery to his mother
"Oh, it's such fun |" he exclaimed "What's
such fun?' gravely asked the old lady
why, to see sister Mollie and Mr.. Fipps
! play lunatic asylum. n--Brookly5s Eagle
Mellow with age. Clubite A was telling
story in the club. Glubite B, when it was
finished, said Well, thetreminds meefaa.
other anecdote,n and he related it. A there
upon remarked " | don't see how what
/ you have told us was recalled by my story
1t WAS" replied b, "because mine was on
the same page of Joe Miller rs yours.
Boston Courier
Great excitement: very sad acci
dent occurred in the editorial rooms of this
paper yesterday, resulting in the death OF II
member of the staff, The mail had just ar
rived, and in the grand rush and struggle to
SEQ who should get the Congressional Rec.
3 ord the dramatic eeitory wlso niso sweep.
down the stairs, fell and was Immediately
trampled to death. -Ldydmie Boomeupg
An emphatic pun; "0h what rap
ture," remarked Adolphus as he clasped his
fair one in his arms Oh? what raped
yers" friend inquired shortly afterward,
as he observed Adolphus trying to get his
head and large-sized bump into his hat al
the same time and 'Dolphy said he didn't
exactly know, but thought it must have
been the old gentlemans gold-headed cane.
= Cambridge Tribune
Fights shy of patent pills: Sam John
sing felt very much aggrieyed because ali
Austin Justice fined him So for disturbing
the peace. Mr.. Johnsing,p said the jus.
tice, you can take an appeal you have a
legal remedy 81 knows all about dom
remedies, sab; dey am very much like
dem udder remedies you gets at de drug
store. De mo- oh 'em yer takes de sclser
yer gifts. Teas Sifyiags.
Natural history for the little ones =
This is mule He may look amiablo, but
he isn't He differs from the condor of the
Andes. The condor scars the mule sours.
That speck on the sky yonder is tho man
who attempted to climb the mules back by
catching hold Of his tail When he comes
down he will tell you that the best way to
mount mule Is to drop on him from the
limb of tree.,- Chicago Tribune.