The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1882-11-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

That is a very happy and ingenious
suggestion which an exchange makes
for the benefit of somnambulists-wear
roller skates to bed.
A Baltimore belle has married q po-
liceman. His beat was in front of her
house for over a year, and she noticed
that he never snored.
An innocent Omaha girl who saw an
organ grinders monkey for the first
time, exclaimed, as that thing one of
them are aesthetics hat we read aboutp"
mo, SIR" said a laborer, II don't
hire out to that farmer. His confound-
ed fences are all barbed wire, and l
can't get a minute rest climbing over"
Don't think dat because a mans got
q serious face dar amt no fun in him."
said Uncle Nose. "De monkey is al
lers n GRIMM, but he don't get off near
such good jokes as de elephant does"
Health journals insist upon reposing
on the right side only, and claim that it
is injurious to lie on both sides, but we
don't know where they will find health
Ter looking set of men than lawyers.
A girl from Cincinnati kept on grow
ing fat and fatab, though she dieted on
battah for q yeah. In vain she tried to
scattah all the adiposal mattah, till the
doctor said she'd bettah stop her bean.
A stranger called ut forty-eight differ
emit houses in Cleveland and asked: as
the boss homer" There was no man
home in any one instance, and yet forty
seven of the women replied, Eyes, sir;
what do you wantP"
They don't have rains out west. A
cloud just saunters up and examines a
town and then collapses just over it.
Nobody escapes but the newspaper re-
porters and book agents. -Atlanta Con-
StitattOn.
II hate that SmithW exclaimed Fill
kinson in n passion. .Shr' cautioned
Fogg; "don't let Smith hear you, Filky.
If he should know how you feel towards
him he'd be so stuck up you wouldn't
be able to touch him with q ten-foot
pole"
An effort is to be made to raise eys-
tiers in Salt Lake, Utah. 1t seems as
though it might be done, il they go at
it right. Oysters have been raised from
boarding house soup, but eternal vigil
lance is the price of oysters it should be
understood.
He came home the other night in = "a
drizzling rain; soaked inside rs well as
out. what excuse have you to Offer"
said his better half, ''for coming home
in such a berry condition." 'None, my
DEAR" was his answer ''cept twas a
very muggy day"
A correspondent asks, ''What time of
year do the days begin to shortenP"
When you have q note in bank. A note
in bank is q great annihilator of time.
The days are crowded together in thin
layers, and the nights are like a smear
from a backing brush.-Arkansas
Traveller.
Little Una Mem, who had been sit
ting with knitted brows for several min
utes, as If bordering some weighty
problem of life, suddenly exclaimed,
''Aunt c., I've been trying to think
what business to go into when I'm grown
up, and I've just decided. Imean to be
. hypocrite."
What would you do If you were l
and 1 were youp" tenderly inquired a
young swell Of his lady friend, as he es-
corted her home from church. ''Well."
said she, ''if l were you l would throw
away that vile cigarette, cut up my cane
for fire wood, wear my watch chain In
derieath my coat, and stay at home at
and pray for brains"
A gentleman in Troy has received a
circular from a lady principal of a board
ing school in Louisville, KY, which in
"a letter from a grateful patron"
who writes: IL will not apologize for
writing you, who have been a factor in
the mental development of my daugh-
ter. / feel gatified for this efflorescence
and there is no one who has stimulated
her more than yourself. BY your magnet
ism or subtle charm, with which you
have invested your instructions, the road
has been o royal n for her."