South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-07-21


No TINE TO TELL A LIE.-Jeese c.
bad the reputation of being the biggest
liar In Georgia. aad WAS mover known
to come out behind. Ono hot day Bill
II. sat on the shady side OF his barn.
After dinner he saw Jess riding in great
haste towards town. Bill hailed hin
and vent 10 the gate. Jess asked him
what he wanted. stop and tell us a
big lie,' said Bill. NO time for lying
now. said jess. your Uncle Soil died
suddenly an hour ago, and am going
Tor coroner and coffin And on he
went. Bill went to the house and told
his wife. She gathered up the chill.
drcn. lie hitched the horse to the wae.
on, loaded in the family and posted off
four miles through the heat and dsst to
Uncle Soils. On arriving he found the
family and two neighbors in the large
kitchen, Uncle Soil buried. to the eyes.
in half big watermelon. The surprise
was mutual, and explanations followed.
Well said Bill, i asked Jess for
big lie, AID not only got il but was fool
enough to believe il. l wouldn't be.
lieve him again il knew he was lying
Here we have piece Of chewing
gum. 1t is white and sweet. Chew
it awhile and stick it on tue under side
Of the man,el piece. The hired girl will
find IL there and chew it awhile herself.
and then put it back. In this way one
piece Of gum will answer for a whole
family. When the gum 10 no good put
1t in the rocking chair for the minister
or your sisters beau to sit upon.
You ought not TO say that the man
sold his vote merely on suspicion
We'll. don't exactly allege it on sus.
picion. Z The fact is, paid him the
money
"A MICHIGAN LIAR.-'Lets see, they
raise some whoat in Michigan don't
they?' asked q Schoharie granger of a
Michigander.
Raise wheat! Who raises some
wheat? No. sir; decidedly no, sir. 1t
raises itself. Why, if We undertook to
cultivate whsa. in that State it would run
us out. There wouldn't be any place
to put our house,
But I've been told that grasshoppers
take a good deal of it,
'Of course they do. II they didn't
don't know what we would do. The
cussed stuff would run all over the State
and drive US out-choke US up. These
grasshoppers are a God. senl. only
there amt enough Of them
is wheat nice and plump2'
Plump! Why l don't know what
you call plump wheat, but there arc
seventeen in our family including ten
servants, and when We want bread we
just go out and fetch in kernel OF
wheat and bake IT,
DO you ever soak IL in water firstf'
oh, no; that wouldn't do. 1t would
swell little, and then we couldn't get
it in our range oven
a GIRL VINO Couldn't BEHAVE Her.
sELr.-Two young girls Zone OF them
visiting in the Black Hills) were over
heard by our reporter talking, as fol-
lows:
We'll, I'm going homo Tomorrow
What for, pray?'
Because can't behave myself. II
try my best
Well out with IT, Jennie. What have
you been doing"
Lots of things.'
We'll. give us the first
You know Frank Kennedy. NellY
That soft, simpering fellow that al
ways tells you how charming you are?'
Exactly. This morning | saw him
coming, and made up my mind to get
rid OF him, so put my diamond brooch
in the chair pin upward and asked him
to sit down. but he left it immediately
That was awful Jennie and the two
girls giggled together What other
dreadful thing have you done?'
why you see, I was talking with that
young sprig Of clergy man, tue Rev.
Tom Parsons. We had nearly talked
each other to death, when, as luck would |
have 1t, he made some remark about
mosquitoes. was on my native heath |
at once, and began TO tel! him OF nv |
experience. Did they bite very hardr |
inquired the Rev. Thomas. Il wish
Mr.. Parsons, you could see my legs and |
Judge for yourself
That was horrid speech, Jennie