Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1882-08-16
ARTEMUS WARD.
Some of His Practical JOkes-A
Bewildered Baker.

The late Artemus Ward CHARLES
+. Browne) knew what he was about
when he courted the company of ac-
tors and journalist so assiduously. He
took from them much more than he
gave, good company as he was, and it
was the actors who taught him to give
expression to his irresistible flow Of
spirits in a succession of practical
Jokes OF a harmless sort, yet comical
beyond measure by their very oddity
and unexpectedness. Come in herel
come in herel' said he one day in
Boston to the companion walking with
him. Come in here; we will have
some fun" 1t was a Boston pie
bakery which they entered-a place
where pies were a specialty-where
pies and nothing but pies were sold.
wholesale and retail, all the life long
day. Brown approached the counter,
behind which the proprietor of the
establishment was standing, and asked
in his bland, insinuating voice Have
you any pies2" "Pies!' replied the
astounded proprietor. Eyes, pies"
"Piesl' repeated the man more dumb
founded. "0f course-pies!" "Pieslll"
gasped the shopman once more, gazing
at Brown as if he thought him an es.
capped lunatic. "0h, well, ifyou haven't
got any pies, I'll inquire somewhere
else; come, Jackl' and he marched
his friend out of the shop again before
the salesman could recover his wits.
Artemus delighted to flip the Sc
date responsibility Of Boston, while
loving the place sincerely. One day,
In the early afternoon, having a lee
ture to deliver hat evening, some one
OF his friends concluded that he would
not be able to talk so we'll at night if
he kept OF talking 10 front Of the
bar at the Parker House. They ac-
cordingly insisted on an immediate
adjournment and Artemus, suspecting
the game, determined to revenge
himself. He locked arms with two
gentlemen veiy we'll known, indeed,
In the City-one a manager of the
leading theater, the other a public
officer high in the confidence and books
of the commonwealth, and walked off
with them along the city's most
crowded thoroughfare, Acting as if
ne was in custody and needed the care
Of his companions, and making his
voice conspicuously loud, Artemus
began: Gentleman, you are probably
aware that the noble red man, the
Incompatible savage of our plains.
forests, aud mountain Businesses whom
l have studied closely in his native
wilds, has various modes of depressing
the emotions which swell his generous
bosom, and of giving voice to the GER
emonial traditions inherited from an
immemorial ancestry. His cries and
his dances are equally peculiar, and he
has a particular sort of whoop for
each particular occasion. The scalD
dance, the war dance, the bear dance,
the dance ofskulls, each has its appro.
pirate halloo, and so has the feast of
the moon, the harvest feast, and so
forth. But no verbal description.
gentleman, can give you an idea Of
- ehOoS lkulOu CElCb. lloy must
be heard to be appreciated; and to him
who has never heard them they are
startling as the revelations of a life
time. In illustration of what | have
said, gentlemen, l will now proceed to
give you an imitation Of the yell o fthe
noble savage as, tomabawk in hand, he
springs exultant from his ambush
upon the astounded foe"
Thereupon Brown executed a start
ling and tremendous war-whoop, which
made people turn for blocks around
and drew upon him the attention Of
thousands.
II will now giveyou,n said Artemus.
after %regaining his breath, "a faint
imitation Of the warriors cry as he re-
turns to his wigwam, the scalp of his
enemy dangling in CORY ghastiiness at
his belt.
Another war-whoop; and thus the
scamp kept up his game for a mile or
so, autil his friends got him at last TO
his hotel.