The Brookhaven ledger. (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1875-1883, 1882-05-11
holland AND DIANA.

A wit among the students OF tho
Rochester Theological Seminary hasco
trived the following love tale. the. elstet
Interest 81 which win be found
to lie in the assemblage of words
liable to be misprono,mced. Worces-
ter's Dictionary is the standard,
the pronunciation first given in
that volume being always the one to
decide. Let our readers try this puzzle
in orthoepy: ....
Roland and Diana were lovers. Diana
was ephemeral but comely, hypochond-
riacal but not lugubrious, ddactic but
not dishonest, nor given to ribald OF
truculent grimaces. Her pedal extremi
ties We're perhaps trife too large for a
playing organ pedals successfully, but
her heart was not at all adamantine, and
her address was peremptory without be-
ing diffuse. On the whole she might
well become the inamorata of one retired
to some quiet vicinage away from the
squalor and clangor, the dissonance and
contumely, of great metropolis.
Roland, on the other hand, was of
saturnine countenance, at once splenetic
and combative in disposition, SO that
his wassails and orgies were almost mani
acal in their details. He was telegra-
pher by profession, having received
diploma from Caius College, but ag-
grandized his stipend by dabbling in
philology, orthoepy and zoology during
his leisure hours, SO that he was accused
of fetichism and regeneration by his
patrons.
Still his acumen and prescience were
such that only misogynist would dis
Germ that he was an aspirant for the gal
lows. His acetic, rather than ascetic,
nature apparently inclined him to visit
chemical laboratory, we'll filed with
apparatus, to which he had access,
whence he often returned with globules
Of iodine and albumen on his caoutchouc
shoes, which subjected him to the risk
OF numerous alterations with his land
lady, virago and pythoness in one, and
with the servant her, accessory or ally.
Roland haa, however, become accll-
mated to his place, received everything
with equability, reclined upon the dirau
while he contemplated the elysium where
Diana dwelt, and addressed donative
distichs to her in the subsistence of the
raillery.
There was o certain diocesan who en-
deavored to dispossess Roland in the
affections of Diana, but he was enervated
by bronchitis, laryngitis and diphtheria,
which on their subsidence left his carotid
, artery in an apparently lethargic con-
dition. He had sent Diana ring set
with onyx, a chalcedonic variety OF stone,
end once hung placard where he knew
she would see it from her easement, but
she steadily rejected his overtures, and
ogled him as if he were dromedary.
The diocesan betook himself to absolut-
ory prayers, but continued his digres-
sions and inquiries.
! Roland became cognizant Of his amour
and armed with withe inveigled him
into kind Of assignation beneath a jas
mine, where he inveighed against this
"Gay Lothario," who defended himself
with falchion until Roland disarmed
him, houghing his palirey withal. After
the ioust the prebendary abjectly apollo
gized, albeit in a scarcely respirable con-
dition, then hastened to the pharmacutic' s
aerie for copaiba, morphine and quinine,
and was not seen again until the next
| Michaelmas.
Roland returned on Thanksgiving day,
t,ok an inventory Of his possessions,
which consisted Of large quantity Of
almond cement, a package of envelopes,
dish Of anchovy sauce, tame falcon,
a book on acoustics, a miniature of q
mirage, a treatise on the epizootic, 0
stomacher lined with sarcenet, cere
ment Of sepulture, cadaver and &
bomb.
The next day the hymeneal rites
we're performed, and Diana became
thenceforth his faithful coadjutant ani
housewife.