Arizona weekly citizen., 1882-03-26
SOME SHAKES.
An o.d staga-s Experience with tae Arsansas
 Agus.
Fl.m lL.. linn. r..k Gn.s-t.

From tI'' lIftl.- tsoFh trultltt- Speakin' bout Lle Arkansas ager ''said the man with Re sandy gOatee and squlnt eyes he leaned back in his chair that's whar you saw my heart strings
 in case I've got any left to saw on. Gen tlemen, gaze on me.
 The crowd gazeG.
 -When l moved down into Arxansaw from Tennessee risjn' of sixteen vars ar1 I was purty-I was for a fact I had
 dozen skule narms in love with me at once. and hang me up if every gal in the ballroom wouldn't break her neck fcr
 the honor ot dancin' with he. Yes I was purty, and I was good. 1 was so purty
 that children cried for me and so good that ] was taken for preacher on more . than a hundred occasions. Nhar has my purty gOnes Why, I've got to be the infernalst alligator m tine hull swamp, and I'm gTowiu' meaner at the rate of mile a day. Fact, solemn fact, and that eantankerous ager is to blame for the hull of It. ISe got a sqWnt to my eyes. my nose has bin driviu back an inch and
 what teeth I've left have to be wedged I1. cycT,- ; ,lnday ~iiia Diue pegs CT I'd swallow em. Purty, Why the sight Oi my phiz down in St. Louis killed Texas steer dead'rr door nail aud | was try ing to look handsome at thatr
 You sad you had the ague.'
 ! Said so? Do you 'spose all the other 1 calamities in this hull keutry could have 1 busted me up this way2 You bet l had ! 'erl 1 struggled with 'er right along fur eleven straight years without let up. | Gentlemen. let me harrer your sOuls with a few timely remarks. Your Michigan ager IS a grasshopper, and one dose Of | kyneen knocks 'er dead. Out in IlhnOy | the ager Is bigger, about like a squirrel In Missouri she's about the sixe of a
 wOOdchuck, and when she strikes down | into Arkansas, she's a wolf three feet | high. seven feet long, and built to take hold like a thousand buzZ-saws. Great slamsl but what tussels I've had with ! that ere critterl Say, did you ever ride | in a one horse wagon over a stone quar- "? Was ye ever seated on the top rail ! of a fence when a hurricane moved lt at | the rate of SIX miles mint? Did Ye ! ever have cy clone pick ye up and mop ye over forty acres of river bottom, wal | lop ye through ten acres of woods and
 use ye for a tool to knock down one hun | dred acres of cane-brake? We'll that amt | the ager-nOt the Arkansas kind, its only l the first faint prelimlnarles.
 He stopped to reight his cigar and 1 then continued.
 "I haint long to live, and don't keer to stretch this thing any. Tellin' the truth has allus been my strong pint, and allus
 will be. Maybe yell get some Idea of the Arkansaw ager when 1 tell ye | once un- tinted both shoulders in shallIn' and t
 was a light shake at that. When I had on one of my reg lar dOuble-back action
 shakes l could jar jug Of whisky out of the crotch of tree twenty-eight rods off, Nobody dast pile up cord wood within half a mile of my cabin, and that's a sol emn fact. I deyyured kyneen just as you eat corn beef, and my hull system finally got so bitter that a dog who smelt my leg couldn't get the pucker out of his
 mouth inside OI ten days. Gentlemen
 do not wish to prJlOnG this agony. My
 faIliu' Is grub. Fust l know I'll jump the ager and begin on Arkansas skeeters,
 and when | get there I'd hHrrer your souls till ye couldn't sleep fer two weeks. We will now have some kicker and | will seek few needed rep0ses.