The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1882-08-25
nunoaors narrrns.

never be poor.
A young married man, whose house
rent IS paid by his mother.ir-law. al.
ludes to her as bis darling pay.rent.
A child being asked what were the
three great feasts of the Jews, prompt
IL replied, "Breakfast, dinner and sup.
per-"
The swan, we have been told, sings
Just before dying. When We heard
Miss Uppasee vocalize the other eve
ming we couldns help wishing she
were swan.
Grief is beautiful. "Why do you
weepf'' ssBec,use Rotkchilds is dead. !"
'Bat he was no relation of yours, was
hef'' "No, indeed, and that's Why /
weep.n
Josh Billings says: Thar is advice
enough aow laying around loose to
run three just such worlds as this;
what we are suffering for most iz sum
good examples.
81 wish you would pay little at
tention TO what l am saying, sir!'
roared a lawyer at an exespera;ing
witness. 81 am paving as little as !
csn," was the calm reply.
81 understand that your courtship
with Charley is at an end" Yes"
said she, ''Charley pressed bis suit un-
I'll it became threadbare, and then |
gave him the SACK
$50 yeur daughter has married a
rich husbandf' "Well," slowly replied
the father, 81 believe che has married
rich man; but understand he is
very poor husband" :"
When you cannot quiet baoy in
any other way you let him crawl under
the bed, and make him believe you
think be is lost, and are looking for him
and he viii keep quiet for two hours.
The rector Ito Irish plasterer on lad
der, painting a wall:) That mortar
must have been very bad. Pat with a
grin:) Fax. re can't expict the likes
o. good Roman cimint to stick to a
Protestant church, sorr!
It was a sweet pretty idea to appoint
lady ushers in one Of the fashionable
churches, and it brought crowds OF
young men, Bet It was presently
found that ladies whs had newer bon
nets than the ushers were given back
seats.
Red-haired Cinnamon are looked
upon as born to luck, and are especially
venerated. at meals they are given
the biggest dish of birds nests and
snails, and the finest - of roast rat
Who wouldn't be a red-headed China
mani
Wordsworth improved: "Hsaven
lies about US in our infancy" says the
poet. The inference is that as soon a,
we get big enough to talk abeut eur
selves. IF We do not our enemies vii
probably lie about Us.
Ex-Secretary Evarts once dined ar
ole sage upon roast goose stuffed with
sage. When the collation. had beer
done for Mr. Evarts said, ave had 4
goose stuffed with sage, now We have q
sage stuffed with goose He ther
took the cake and passed it.
a Massachusetts, bod carrier wber
he worked whole day, dropped po
tato into nail-keg; when he worked
a half a day be dropped in half pota
to. Unfortunately some pigs got tc
the keg and ate up his entire account
and his employers brought him oHt dol
lar In debt.
A Georgia editor who has roame ed
about his State great deal, gatherin:
varied experience, says: "Gon il
found in thirty-s six countries in thi.
State silver in three, copper in thirteen
diamonds in twenty-six, iron in forty
three, and whiskey in all Of them, anC
the last gets away with all the rest"
What dis beah l heahq" said ole
Aunt Chloe, yesterday. "De Bri'sl
done come up the Potomac and shel
Alexandreel Well, I 'elar to man
what's de matter wild dem soliers a
Washin'tonl done LID at Alexandra
an | knows dat de ole place ANT g~in,
ter stan much o dat kline oh foolish
nessp'
A popular concert singer, ADVERTISE
to participate in an entertainment In
Missouri village, excused her absenc
on the giouAd Of having a cold in th,
head, the next day sie received the fol
loving from an admirer: "Thiz i
geuse greze; melt it and rub it on tb
brige of yere noz until knred. I IN,
you to distraxsbun.
SADLY AFFLICTED.
my boy was sadly afflicted will