Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-06-28

ESDAY, JUNE rs, 100
WIT AND HUMOR.
The front door mat is always ready
to scrape a new acquaintance.-Free
Press.
Girls, like opportunities, are all the
more to you after being embraced
Yonkers Statesman.
Is it runaway match in the insect
or animal world when you see one an
telope with another Free Press.
The private secretary of Governor
Foster was married last week. Cause,
temporary insanity.-Chicago Cheek.
The pig has sometimes been COM
pared to a musical instrument. The
corn-et seems to hit his case.-Lowell
Courier.
"Billy, who is that with his back
turned ?" "That? That's Mifleby.
l just saw him borrow cigarette. p
Harvard Lampoon.
"Angelina. NO, we do not think il
would be practical to feed live stock on
an ocean steamer in the trough of the
sea.-Boston Post.
"Does poultry pay?" asked strang-
er of a city dealer. "Of course" was
the reply, "even the little chickens
shell out. Free Press.
A Dutch judge in Nebraska, on con.
viction of culprit for having four
wives, decided: "He hash punishment
plenty; l lifs nit one w-Ex.
Trout fishing is unusually good this
year. We have reports of sixteen
inch trout having been caught in two
inch strcams.-Oil City Derrick.
A New York judge can't sec the DIFF
ference between a bicycle and a car
riage. He would be pretty thing tc
send after a carriage.-Chicago Cheek
A Chicago man calls his mother-in
law Helen, partly because that's hel
name, and also because she's Helen
around about all the time.- Chicago
Cheek.
People inclined to grumble at the
k;gh price of provisions would do well
to remember that the Indiana editors
had a banquet last week at Elkhart.-
Chicago Cheek.
The difference between corset OF
a woman and man who kisses hel
is that one presses the bust and the
other buses the pressed. (Cheers. J
Evansville Argus.
Wisconsin has baby with six arms
How supremely happy he will make
some young girl when he gets ole
enough to take part in hugging mat
inee.-Evansville Argus.
A titled female in barbarous coun
tries cuts her nails but once in fv,
years, and then the occasion is mad
one of great rejoicing; especially b.
her husband.-Lowell Citizen.
Sweet girl.-"Is it wicked to sing tina
song on Sundays s?' Brother Jack
eyes, it is wicked to sing it any day.
"Why p Because it makes peopl
swear. ."-Philadelphia News.
A wife, having lost her husband, wa
inconsolable for his death. "Leave m
to my grief" she cried, sobbing; yo
know the extreme sensibility Of m
nerves; a mere nothing upsets them.
-Ex.
|
"Women are so contrary" sal
Blobbs. 81 thought when | got maj
ried my wife would darn my socks, an
let me alone instead of that she LET
my socks alone and darns me. e."-Whee
ing Journal.
A Denver paper processes to think
marvellous that man whose brain
were knocked out is still living. IF h
were out this way he would not he onl
living, but he would be holding som
, important office.-Courier-Journal.
A marriage is to take place in Bo'
ton shortly in which the bride, tn
f bridegroom and the officiating clerg,
man, though not related, bear the sam
name. This must be our old frien
Smith.-Louisville Courier-Journal.
"Well, WE'LL" said Ellington, ms
jestically, eve mustn't be too severe o
the young fellows. ] suppose | was q
big fool as any Of them when Wa
IL