The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-06-30
spoopendyke Wanted His Waterproof.


is my-my, where is my-you know
whist 1 mean. What did you do with
lt?''
"Your shawl-strap?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping the baby into
the crib. ''Oh, know; your dumb bells.
Is that what you want?"
"Has that shawl-strap got sleeves in
it?' demanded MIR. Spoopendyke, ran
sacking the sewing-machine. "Are
those dumb-bells split up the back and
torn around the collar? You know
what l want, my rubber overcoat.
Where did you put it?'' and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke pulled pile of letters out of the
pieeon-hole to his wife's desk and spilled
them along the floor.
Where did you have it last?" muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke, with her lin
ger in her mouth and CONSERVATION in
her eye.
"Had it onr' growled Mr.. Spoopen-
{. dyke. "Where'd We s'pose had it?
Think had it for lunch? Don't you
know where the measly things gone
to! Spry around now and find it!
Take your finger out of your mouth; 1
don't suppose it's in there! Get that
coat before it clears up, will yep and
Mr.. Spoopendyke shook the clock and
then peered into the mantel vases.
II don't believe it's going to rain
much anyway" faltered Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, who couldn't remember having
seen the coat for month. ''When it
looks like this it's always going to sum
shine" and she followed him around the
room in tlutter of apprehension.
"Of course it is"' snorted Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. Things are going to do just
what you tell 'em to do. If you had a
lot of tin figures in front and streak of
mercury up your spine, you'd only need
a sheet-iron case and a wire handle to
be a barometer! If you'll look along
your measly information about the
weather, p'rhaps you'll find that over
coat at the other end of it! Where's
that coat? Going to let me stand here
and soak while the moths picnic that
coat into a shad net? Take me by the
elbow and lead me to the coatn' and
Mr.. Spoopendyke tipped the sofa over
so that he could see under it, and then
slapped a plaster bust of Minerva
against the wall, under the impression
that the coat might have crawled into
her ear.
"Its the strangest thing in the
worldr' giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke, hys-
terically. ''Are you sure you wore it
home?'
IF I didn't, how'd it get homer"
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. putting his
hands on his knees and grinning in his
wife's face. "S'pose it hired a hack
and drove home? Oh, no! l didn't
wear it home. The last l saw of
it it had its hat over its ear
and female waterproof on its arm,
piking up Fulton street as happy as an
Alderman's funeral. What're We stand
ing there for? Got some indistinct no.
ton that the dod-gasted coat has gone
to get shaved, haven't ye:?' Who'd
We give it to-? Been endowing a meta
physical chair in some kind OF an old
woman's home with it. haven't ye?
Where's the coat? Develop the coat
before yitiate the insurance." and Mr..
Spoopendyke kicked his wife's work
basket across the room and rammed
his arm to the shoulder up the chimney.
"Do you remember where you wore
it last?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, sud-
denly becoming calm and analytical.
81 wore it on my backr' protested
Mr.. Spoopendyke, who didn't remem-
Der whether he had taken it to church
or to a hospital. MAYBE you're under
the impression that ted it to a stick
and wheeled it along on the buttons!
On my back. tell ye! On this particu-
lar back!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke almost
broke his arm pointing out the attrac-
ton referred to. "Most folks fit up
their rubber overcoats with bent wire
and focus and wear EN- for spectacles.
but hadn't time; SO wore it on my
back! Bring forth the coat"' yelled MIR.
Spoopendyke, spinning around like
top. "Fetch out the measly coat be-
fore the proprietor of these premises
makes up his mind whether he'll build
house here or mortgage the lOt!''
"You wore it the last day it rained,
and when it cleared off in the afternoon
noticed that YOU had on your spring
overcoat," said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
quietly.
"Great headr' granted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, beginning to feel uncomfortable,
and wondering how it was coming out.
"With your perceptive faculties and
meteorological education, you only need
one more leg and clear night to be
dod gasted street telescope at ten cents
q peep! What of it, 'Spose did wear
a spring overcoat! It's spring, amt it:?''
land don't know" continued Mrs
Spoopendyke. "but think you had it
on over your waterproof. If you'll
look, you may find the rubber coat in
side of the other now"
Mr.. Spoopendyke growled and snort
ed his way to the closet, like a fog
horn, and found-things as his wife had
predicted.
.Smart. amt YER he grumbled. as
he hauled out the waterproof. "Great
powers of inductive reasoning! Some
day I'm going to fit you up with stiff
neck and pot of beans and start Con-
cord School of Philosophy with YOU"
And with this threat Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke threw the coat over his arm, and
all the way to Coney Island entertained
his friend Specklewottle with descrip-
ton of his habits of order, (which are
so perfect, sir, that l could put my
thumb on anything 1 wanted, sir-if my
wife would only let things alonem-