Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-10-06
Our KALEIDOSCOPE.

hat the business has not been so good for
everal years as it is this season. 1t is very
ncouraglng news that the people arc begin.
ling to take more care Of their soles.
The confederate flag pole at the county
eat of Earl county, Ga, still stands where
was planted over 81 years ago Troy
Times. Well what Of it: Does the Times
'xpect it to get up and walk around?
A key to editorial expressions has been
prepared by the Atchson Kansas Champion
~ which an attentive reader Of newspapers
AN see great deal more than is set down
- the printed page. Among the definitions
given are the following
According to the Boston 7,anscript, q
mortgage on house is like worm-hole in
an apple. Before you know it there il more
than fruit,
We learn from the Philadelphia Neus that
a man in that city invented an appliance
warranted TO make Waiting thoroughly
moral. 1t is plate OF boiler iron five feet
high, three feet wide, and placed on rollers.
1t is to revolve between the lady and gentle
man while Waiting
A scientific professor records the following
singular instance OF seli-cannibalism lie
cut in two male cricket, AMI Immediately
the fore part, probably experiencing a senss.
ton Of emptiness, turned upon the hinder
part and devoured it.
satlrical exchange says the man who
won't take a paper because he can borrow
one has invented machine with which be
can cook his dinner by the smoke Of bis
neighbours chimney.
The London Lancet says "No man who
respects himself drinks before dinner and
no man VINO respects his dinner drinks after
it,"
Conundrum by the New York Conme7
cial What is the difference between the
mockiug-bird and politician :" Answer
Zone pipes his little lay the other lays his
little pipes"
The Government may not get anything
from the Star-route thieves. but there is a
satisfaction in knowing that the Lawyers will
make them poor it they keep them Out OF
pr'son.-Ne'o Oa'eans Picayone.
A despatch from New York SAYS that
great efforts are being made to restore har-
mony among the Democrats, but without
success 1t is certainly strange that the jug
should be empty 50 carly IN the campaign,
thicago 7jTjune
General Wolseley has issued an address
congratuating all the British troops engaged
in the Egyptian campaign. Wolseley will
get his pay raised, and the soldiers will get
plenty of congratulations but no extra cash
-fhiladeiphia Chronjcle Herdh.
We'll, how are you making it now ?" we
asked OF former merchant who had aban
duued a lucrative business to engage in stock
speculations. II think. SAID he, ''if retain
my health for another year, ! will be able to
retire on very handsome ncompetency. -
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
William Shakspcrtis running for Secretary
OF State in Michigan, and half the people
there are muttering to themselves, that
name sounds familiar, hut | can't place it. 4"
-Phila,lslphia Netcs.
The want OF the present is au iron window
shutter that will open itself for frenen and
have sense enough to keep shut when bur.
| glars are about. Such thing has not been
Use been in dis world fur many years an
has been well acquainted wild animals hut |
amt yit found kind-hearted cat Oar amt
no gratitude in cat. Her recollection ob :
good deed amt AS long as her tail Give her
u piece OBJ meat terday, and termorrow
she'll spit in yer face. -irkansau Tr0cei.
Ter.
1t was Just before the services began in one
n lp mn foe oil, ct
One lady leaned over tue back Of pew and
whispered from behind her fan to another
lady. Just look what fright the widow
| Beezumbee is in black :" IL see her she
looks worse than scarecrOw, If mourning
make me look like that, | hope nobody will
ever die in our family. "-7tTas .Siftjngs.
| \ New York belle met with a sad loss
while returning from Summer resort the
! other day. BY some means her diary, con-
tanning the names of all the gentlemen she
had become engaged to. dropped out of the
car window, and now she can't tell which of
her male friends have right to kiss her
Philadelphia Ne'cs.
| 1t is stated as fact that the smoking of
| cigarettes has mosi injurious effect upon
the gro with OF the moustache, as the poison
generated while smoking them acts upon the
mucous lining of the upper lip, thus sluntng
the growth. Young men who are anxious to
become ''mashers' must give up their cigar
cites, or else go through the world with u
bald lip.-N. y. Conn. Ida.
| In the case of distinguished orators the
| remark, The Hon. Mr. Blank was attacked
with sudden indisposiiOn, and did not
speak means that the venerable statesman
was too drunk to hold his head up. The
observation means the same when applied to
the lights of the American stage. I'VE
failed TO catch the last words of the speech
means that e.oquencc at the critical period
was drowned in "budgc.n I'VE regret we
have not space to publish the gentleman's
eloquent effort in tull' means that, in the
editors opinion, the speech would have made
II reflective mule leave his oats, and that it
would be All outrage on the public to print II.
I'VE may refer 10 the address hereafter"
means that the newspaper man feels happy
at getting out of it this time, and trusts that
perdi,ion may seize him ii he ever mentions
the matter again. In regard to performanc-
es, dramatic and otherwise Those who
failed to be present missed u rich treat"
means that everybody failed The audi
ence was small but appreciatiye' means that
nobody was present except the holders OF
complmeEtarles. lowing to the iucemtncy
OF the weather the audience is not what IL
would have been" means that nobody would
have been there had the sky been as clear rs
crystal. In the way of dramatic criticism.
"Mr Montgomery shows some crudtl and
ineNperience" means that MI. NJ. is 4 hope
less and irredeemable stick
The baseball season is nearly over, sud
when il closes, the United States will tie At
peace with the whole world. Philadelphia
chronicle Herald
Matt Morgan, the caricaturist, has become
tired OF eNasgerating everything and has re-
solved TO coniine himself to the strict truth
hereafter. He has moved To Cincinnati aud
VIII draw pictures for circus balls n $500 a
week, philadelphia Ne,cs
4 EnAnnntri,.,l Ann A,.iuh.