The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-12-02
A SOlilOquy on Carving.


making the host demolish me kiln-Jried
poultry at dinner will become extinct,
and that a servant at a sideboard, ON a
small salary, viii take a hand-saw and
a can of n!tro-glycerine and shatter the
remains, thus giving the host chance
to chat with his guests instead of spat-
tering them with dressing and casting
gloom and gravy over the company.
This is move for which | have LONG
contended. Itplaces the manual labor
of dinner where it belongs, and relieves
man who should give his whole atten-
ton to the entertainment of his friends
at table. You would not expect your
host to take off his coat and kill the foul
in your presence in order to show YOU
that it was all on the square, and it is not
customary to require the proprietor of
the house to peel the potatoes at table for
his guests to prove that there is no
put-up job about it.
Therefore, claim that the lamented
hen may be thoroughly shattered at a
side table by an athlete at four dollars
per week, and still good faith toward the
guests be maintained. If any one be
doubtful or suspicious, etiquette will per-
nit him to stand by the side of the hire
ling carver and witness the inquest. Still
itwould be better fun for him to sit at the
table, and if the parts given him are not
satisfactory, he can put them in his over
shoes pro tenn, and causually throw them
out the back door while the other guests
are listening to the ''Maiden's Prayer in
the parlor.
Under the new deal the host will en-
Joy the dinner much more than he used
to with his thumb cut off and a quart of
dressing in his lap. No man feels per-
fectly at home if he has to wrap up his
cut finger in arag and then scoop ahand-
full of dressing out of his vest pocket and
return it to the platter. Few men
are cool enough to do this, laughing
heartily all the time and telling some
mirth- provoking anecdOte meanwhile.
1t is also annoying to have twenty
guests ask for the dark meat, please
when there are only three animals cooked
and neither one of them had particle
of dark meat about her person. Lately 1
have adopted the plan of segregating the
fowl by main strength, using the fingers
when necessary, and then wiping them
in an Otf-hand manner on the table-clOth,
Then ask the servant to bring in that
dark hen we ordered, so that we might
have an abundance of dark meat. If the
servant says there is none, | smile and
tell the guests that the brunette chicken,
by some oversight, has been eaten in the
kitchen, and | shall have to give them
such relics as may be at hand. This
simplities the matter, and places me in a
far more agreeable place relative to the
company. My great success, however,
in carving is mainly confined to the
watermelon. The watermelon does not
confuse me. always know where to find
the joints, and those who do not like the
inside of the melon can have the out
side. Now, my great trouble with
fowls is, that one day have Nebraska
chicken and the next trip | have to as
Sassnate Mormon Shanghai pullet,
with high, expressive hip-bones and
amalgam paletot. This makes me nerv-
GUS, because they are so dissimilar and
their joints are in different places. The
Mormon hen is round-shouldered and
her collar bone is more on the bias than
the Nebraska fowl. This gives totally
different expression to her features in
death, and, as | have said, destroys the
symmetry OF the carve.
began my education in this line by
carving butter in hot weather, and grad
ually led up to the quail on toast. In
carving the quail, first mortgage your
home and get the quail. The quail
should be cooked before carving, but not
until the chronometer balance and other
organs have been removed. Place your
quail on the toast in sitting position,
then passing the dissecting knife down
between the shoulder blades, bisect the
polonaise.
Another method is, to take the quail
by the hind leg and eat it, asking the
guests to do the same This breaks up
the feeling of stiffness that is apt to pre-
vail at formal dinner party, AID while
each one has his or her nose immersed
in quail, good feeling cannot fail to show
itself.-BjH Me-, in Detroit Free Press