Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-15
ALPENA WEEKLY ARGUS.
MISCELLANEOUS.


There is no one thing in the line of
clothing that is so uncomfortable as
dressing gown, and yet they are all
made for comfort, and in nine cases
in ten they are a present from loving
friends who think they have done a
noble act. They have worked flowers
or figures in it, and have made it a
beautiful ornament to hang on chair,
but not knowing the animal that is to
wear it, they have got it about as COM
Portable as possible, and the martyr
who wears one because it was given
him by a loved friend, wears it, and
groans and sneezes and takes cold,
and wishes to heaven the friend had
given him a dog, flannel underskirt,
or anything on earth but dressing
grown. There are only seventeen
persons in the United States who
habitually wear dressing gowns, and
they Hdo'sit for fear of offending the
donor if they fail to wear it. And
yet every home in this country but
six have from one to four dressing
gowns hung up in the closets, furnish
ing sustenance to moths. The reason
that dressing gowns are unpopular
with the males are several. In the
first place novelists and play-writers
always get the idiotic, simpering, la
de-dah, hair-parted-in-the-mi Alex
into a dressing gown, and he looks SO
soft that you feel as though you could
run cats tail into him anywhere,
and that makes them unpopular.
Then when woman sets out to pro-
vide dressing grown for dear friend,
she picks out some pattern Of colored
goods with figure as big as a palm
leaf fan, and when it is made up it
makes man look as though he had
blown off billboard with a wet cir
Gus poster. They cause it to be made
up so that it is in mans way more
than an ulster overcoat would be. IL
is padded where the man is too warm,
and where he is liable to take cold
there is nothing to protect him. The
lappels are thrown back so that he
presents an open shirt front from his
collar to the waistband of his pants
1t is true the lappels of the gown are
of velvet, and maybe they are EN-.
broidered, but if they lay back over
his shoulders they cannot keep his
chest warm, as it should be kept
when the martyr has taken off his
vest and shirt collar, to have quiet
evening at home. The dressing gown
which man might wear in the dark
he would not be seen wearing out to
the front step after paper for $40
because he would look like the rem.
nant of masquerade ball. The tail
is invariably eighteen inches too long
and padded, so when he sits down he
feels as though he was sitting on q
nest of kittens. The sleeves are in
variably too long, so he has to roll
them up, and then he feels as though
he was handcufed. The collar comes
up to the back Of his head and files
his ears, the shoulders gets around
under the arm, and after wearing the
Comfortable" garment for an even
ing, and getting so nervous that he
almost flies, and lying a few times
when asked bow he likes his dress
ing gown, he lays it away and wears
business sack coat forever after, anc
is comfortable. We do not wonder
that ministers, who are more subject
to have dressing gowns thrust at then
than any other class of people, turn
out bad, at times, and have their lives
worried out of them. We can think
of no fate that is worse than to be
bachelor clergyman, and have half 8
dozen dressing gowns to wear. Fol
an act that is supposed and intended
to convey to the recipient good wish
es and happy, contented life, the
presenting of dressing gown to &
man is full of dangers. Men may
rally from the first dressing gown
and by constantly lying to convey the
impression that they are well provided
with, such comforts, stand off any at
tempt on the part of well-meaning
friends to present them with another
but there are so many men who are
not brave enough to assert their in
dependence, and say right out thai
they have enough dressing gowns
that we have ceased to wonder at the
prevalence of crime. 1t has got Sc
in some of the States that men club
together few weeks before Christ
mas and each assist the other il
spreading the information that all are
supplied with dressing gowns, so thai
no misguided person may cause two
dressing gowns to bloom where only
one bloomed before. Societies should
be formed for the amelioration of thu
sad condition Of men who are com
PEELED to habitually wear dressing
gowns when at home. They already
have the heartfelt sympathy of al
who have emancipated themselves
from the slavery of the gown, bu
they need something beside sympathy
We would close this article by {
solemn warning addressed to young
women. Whatever you do in thu
way of presents to the man you love
never hire anybody to erect dress
ing gown for him, because it vii
cause concealment, like worm in thu
bud, to feed on him, and it will fl
him too ultimately, and some day you
will find that he has used it to swal
his shot gun.-Peck's Sun.