davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
What Allied Dean Swift.

When "the Vandal dissertation of
monuments" in 1885, exposed Swift's
skull to the phrenologists, the great
Dublin aurist might possibly have found
in the bones Of the ear traces of the
cause of his giddiness. When Mr..
Whiteway examined the brain he might
have found the cause of Swift's right
sided hemiplegia and his aphasia. It is
enough now that we can diagnose his
lifelong disease as labyrinthine vertigo,
and his insanity as dementia with aphasia;
the dementia arising from general decay
of the brain from age and disease, the
paralysis and aphasia from disease of
one particular part of the brain.
With all the fortunes of the lifelong
disease from which he suffered and its
obvious effect upon his temper in his
later years, it is wonderful that Swift did
retain his reason until, In the seventy
fourth year of his age. he was in all
probability struck down by new disease
in the form of a localized left side
apoplexy or cerebral softening, which
determined the symptoms of his insan-
ity.
That Swift's works contain no indica-
ton of insanity appears to be certain.
As well say that Shakespeare was mad
because he wrote a good deal which we
think nasty. In the fashion of the day,
Swift was too prone to make what may
called excrementitious jokes and gibes.
But that perfect gentleman, Antonio,
voided his rheum upon Shylock's beard !;
and the same kind Of thing runs through
our literature, no one objecting, until we
rather recently become less natural and
more nice. Some of our smaller humor-
lists and men of letters have criticised
this great king of humor as if he were
both bad and mad, not perceiving that if
he were really insane he must be
pitied and not cursed. But it is the
weakestof arguments to say. with Festus,
for want of argument, tMuch learning
doth make thee mad" There is always
weakness In madness, but there is little
sign of this in Swift's works. There is
always some inconsequentness or incohe-
rency in madness, but there is none of
this in Swift. Down to the last letter to
Mrs. Whiteway he is most wretched, but
he is still collected and wholly himself.
POPULAR Science Monthly.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
Gracefully Growing Old.

It is cheerful change to turn from
the doubling, dyspeptic utterances 81
many of our later poets, to the hopeful
and trusting words of the elder poets of
this country. who, full OF honors and
full of years, still delight and instruct
the public with pure and simple words.
A writer says: "There is the beauty Of
cheerfulness, resignation, peace and con-
tent about the productions of our vener-
able poets, Emerson, Whittier
and Holmes" Age has come to
these men. They have seen all of the
play Of life, and have looked upon its Sc
verify. Victory and defeat have been
abound item. They have travelled in the
valley and walked upon the mountain
top of life. Upon the world they have
not been Indifferent spectators. They
have suffered with the bondsman in his
slavery, and rejoiced with him in his
freedom. They have been sad when
wrong triumphed, and happy when right
has been victorious. They have mixed
in the worlds current, and know the di-
rection of the stream. They have lived
in an age of doubt and speculation, but
it has not disturbed them. They be-
lieve that the future will not be failure
upon the present. Without making any
undue noise about it, they are as willing
to trust the providence Of the future az
they are to be grateful to the beneficence
Of the world around them. These men
offer all rich example of how to pass
through this life. They have not gone
through the world growing and grum-
hi hc of
life. They have seen the errors and the
wrongs They have fought them like
true soldiers. But in the progress of the
race they have never lost faith. Age has
come upon them like a benediction.
And now that they are about ready to
leave this life, "they look fearlessly and
hopefully into the undiscovered country
which lies not far ahead of them. The
childlike faith of Whittier breathes
through everything he writes.
From Holmes comes the strong, clear,
Joyous, unshrinking and gracious poem,
"Before the Curfew." a larger and
more healthful production has not fallen
from the author of the unmatched eau
tocrat of the Breakfast Table" The
late essay by Emerson on the "Superla-
tive was as true and brave as anything
he wrote when the blood ran swifter
through his veins than it does now. In
thought, Bryant had lost none of the art,
grace and cheerfulness of his youth.
Before his death he gave us one of his
greatest productions, "The Flood of
Years" The few great men in American
literature will soon fall among the dead.
Never did literary men grow old more
serenely or more gracefully, or display
throughout their lives a greater purity
of character. They are an example to
all, OF how life should be lived, tenderly
and bravely, and how age and death
should be met without regret or fear.
Soon for these men the silver cord will
be loosed and the gold bowl be broken,
but blameless life of high thinking and
noble acting has prepared each to brave
~ take
His chamber in the silent halls Of death
Like one who wraps the drapery Of his couch
About him and lies down to pleasant dreams
Indianapolis Herald.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
FOREIGN NEWS.

One thousand Jews have been ex-
PEELED from Moscow.
In the city of Kamenetz, Russia, hav
ing population Of $4,000, the shops and the
houses of all the Jews were destroyed by in
cendiary fires, the total loss being 100000 rou-
bles.
In the House of Commons, says a
London dispatch, great amazement was created
by formal statement on Irish affairs made by
Mr.. Gladstone. He announced that he would
soon introduce bill respecting arrears of rent
in Ireland, making them gift and not a loan
to the tenant. He said this was necessary the
Government must do it. The Government
must also, the Premier said, make compensa-
ton to the landlords for losses ensuing to them
from this policy from the church fund.
The remains of Charles Robert OAR
win, the great philosopher and scientist. were
inferred in Westminster Abbey by the side of
the select few of England's distinguished dead
who have gone before. The pall-besrers were
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
: The Indian Went West.

A few years ago Tom Croft was yard
master or something at Omaha. He
was full o. business, but always had
time to work in a joke here and there
The railroad men were troubled more
by begging Indians, lazy loafers that
hung around to beg and steal, than they
were by their money. Nobody wanted
to inaugurate a war against the lazy
creatures, so they were given money
whenever they called for it. Each In
dian was armed with paper that some
body had written for them, asking for
charity, and they would present the
paper and rake in the shekels. There
was one mean, drunken red man who
begged only to get drunk, and he was a
dirty, impudent whelp that everybody
disliked. One night while drunk he lost
his paper, his recommend" and he
appeared at Toms Office and by signs
slowed that he wanted Tom to write him
another paper. Tom said he would do
anything to accommodate an Indian, SO
he took pen ard paper, and with q
solemn face he wrote as follows:
"To WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: The
bearer of this is the dirtiest, lyingest,
thievingest whelp of buck Cherokee
that ever scalped white man. He is
drunken coward, vile, shameless cuss,
and if he presents this paper to any
person I hope they will kick his spine
clear into the top of his hat, break his
nose, black his eyes, and maui the ever
lasting stufing out Of him.
"Signed, Tom CROFT"
The Indian took the paper, said
"How" to Tom and marched off to-
wards the car shops. He went iii as the
boys were sitting around eating lunch,
and handed it to big Irishman who had
monkey wrench in his hand. The
Irishman read it out loud to the boys,
and the crowd went for the Indian. The
Irishman scalped him with the monkey
wrench, blacksmith tore his blanket
off, and as the Indian started to run, the
whole crowd broke after him. He was
kicked by about forty different sized
boots, hit by as many tin pals, in as
many different places, doused with dirty
water, and as he passed Toms Office he
was the worst looking, and the most
! frightened Indian that ever was seen in
Omaha. He shook bis fist at Tom, and
went over TIE lii out of sight, and for
two days people who came into Omaha,
from the West, told about seeing a red
streak pointed towards the Pac 6c slope,
and the air was filed with yells, war
whoops and language that nobody could
understand. It is said from that time
to this no Indian has ever begged with
paper west of the Missouri River. If
they want anything they go and steal it,
as it is less dangerous. -PecRs Sam.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05

United States Minister James Russell Lowell
the Duke of Argyll, Lord Derby, Prof Huxley,
Sir Joseph Hooker, Sir John Lubbock, Alfred
Russell Wallace and William Spottiswoode, and
there was present large and notable collec-
! ton of the eminent men of the day.
An outbreak of the Zulus IS feared in
| South Africa.
The Russian Jews are being urged by
the Nihilists to join them.
The nuptials of Prince Leopold, Queen
Victorias youngest son, and the Princess
Helena of Waldeck occurred at ST. Georges
Chapel, Windsor, on the 9th ult., the Arch
bishop of Canterbury tying the royal knot.
The city was decorated, shops were closed and
salutes were fred.
Dr. Lamson was executed In London
on the 18th of April. He was SO detected and
nervous that he could scarcely descend the
steps of the prison, and was led with great diff
ficulty over the sixty yards of space to the gal
lows He dropped nine feet, expiring instantly,
but his body remained hanging for an hour.
DR.. Lanlson had been convicted of poisoning
his brother-in-law that he might secure an
inheritance of SIT, 900. Hewas bornin America
and was IS years of age.
Earl Cowper has resigned the Lord
Lieutenancy of Ireland, and Earl Spencer has
been appointed his successor.
A Vienna paper reports fresh outrages
on the Jews in Kamsiense, Podolsk and Walk
owisch, in Russia. 1t says that, in spite of or
ders from st. Petersburg for the prompt pun
ishment of the prosecutors several notorious
offenders have been released from custody.
Previous to his execution DR.. Lamson
confessed his crime and acknowledged the
justice of his sentence.
It is announced that the English Cab
met has decided to take steps to release all sus-
poets except those personally concerned in OUT
RACES.
Gladstone in effect confesses that he
has exhausted the resources of civilization
in vain efforts to force the Irish " to behave
themselves and pay up the famine rent az
rearages. He has thrown 700 of the Land
League leaders into prison on suspicion of hos
tiilty to the Irish land system but this has
not pacifed the 100000 still out of jail On
the contrary, it has exasperated them still MORE
Gladstone is about to drop the coercion bust
ness as failure and try Cancellation. He con-
cudes that he can catch more Irish wasps with
molasses than with vinegar
African dispatches report battle be-
tween natives of New Calabar and followers of
Oko Jumbo, in which 1000 persons were
slaughtered.
The American Consul at Dublin Wis
tied Brophy in Mas jail, and rendered him 940
to leave the country. The suspect replied that
be would accept only an unconditional release.
In the British House of Commons the
President of the Board of Trade stated that the
Government would stop work on the Channel
tunnel until further action had been taken by
Parliament.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
MISCELLANEOUS GLEANrNGS.

There is less damage in Ohio to fruit
and wheat than was feared. Above an average
crop of wheat is expected in Southern Indiana.
The outlook for good crops in Kentucky is
said to be very bright.
Congressman Perry Belmont, who was
so conspicuous III the cross-examinatl Of Mr..
Blaine in the Foreign Affairs Committee, is
very young man, having passed his thirtieth
birthday only last December. He is the elder
of August Belmont's two sons. He has always
been hard student, and the time
that most young men of his class
gave to the designations of fashionable
life he has largely devoted to books. He is a
lawyer BY profession, and, considering his
youth, his legal attainments are said to be
very creditable. He has always had taste for
politics, and has contributed several articles
on public questions to periodicals like the
International .Reuie,o. His mother was
daughter of Matthew Galbraith Perry, who
opened the Chinese ports.
There were 105 business failures last
week in the United States, being three less
than for the corresponding week last year.
At Celayo, Mexico, woman enticed
Valentine Mancera, the noted bandit, into
town, and he was surrounded by soldiers and
riddled with bullets.
Seventy thousand immigrants landed
at New York during April.
The assassin Guiteau has grown very
sullen and tacturn and is losing flesh
An enterprising Yankee has pur-
chased twelve acres of ground adjacent to
Niagara, and 100000 horsepower of the
American Falls is to be utilized in gem
Grating electricity for lighting, heating and
power purposes. The purchaser of the Falls
property, who is reputed to be a very skillful
electrician, declines to describe his inten-
tons or his process Of generating force,
perhaps because they are his own, and perhaps
because he does not care to announce results
before he is sure he can accomplish them. 1t
is prodigious undertaking, but is said to be
feasible. The scheme contemplates the distri-
button to sixty-fve leading American cities of
electricity to be used for operating machinery,
and also for heating and lighting purposes.
The Pullman Palace Car Company
has arranged to establish an auxiliary institu-
ton in England, to take the foreign business.
Winnipeg has had another disastrous
confagration and the merchants and business
men are beginning to consider whether it would
not be a wise economy to invest literally in APP
| paratus to extInguish fires.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05

ners and toilet. The modus operandi
adopted by the trio was as follows ::
They would go to one of the large,
crowded shops, and, on entering, the
gentleman would take the principal
superintendent aside, and would say to
him confdentially Be so kind as to
have a special watch kept over my wife.
She is a kleptomaniac, and if she pur-
loins anything say nothing whatever
about il, but Just charge the articles and
[ viii pay the bill" This arrangement
fixed the eyes of all the watchers ON the
elder women, who would help herself
from time to time.to some inexpensive
trife. while the actions of the younger
one passed unnoticed. That cunning
danlsel would secrete about her person
remnants of costly lace, handsome fans,
packets of gloves and other objects,
getting off with their booty unsupported.
Grown careless by success, she was seen
in the act of pocketing piece of valua-
bic lace. The whole party was arrested
and their neat little plan of ectlun was
expOSed
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
Save Something.

If you cannot save much, save what
you can. Don't think dollar or dime
Is too small sum to lay by. Every
body knows how dollar here and
dime there gets away with large sums,
but few seem to know that the rule will
work both ways. If dollar here and
dime there soon makes large hole in
mans income, 80 these dimes and dollars
laid away soon become respectable
sum and make one independent. How
many times do we buy that we do not
need or could do without? Think twice
before you part with your money: Be
saving but do not be stlngy. Money
spent for tobacco, whisky, etc., is more
than thrown away. Half the annoyance
and trouble in this world is due to debt
What q crop of trouble springs up from
the seeds of Cincinnati Farming
World
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
BITS OF INFORMATION.
TKHRn are 50, 900 blind people in

THERE are 50, 600 blind people in
Britain.
TARRINa and feathering is European
invention. 1t was one of Richard Coeur
de Lions ordinances for seamen in pun
ishment for theft.
EDWARD the Confessor was the first
monarch of England who used seal in
his charters. This is the origin of the
broad seal of England.
ORANGE trees are cultivated from seed.
A tree requires fifteen years to reach
maturity, but produces both flowers and
fruit in the fourth or fifth year.
CANAL locks were known in Upper
Egypt from the most ancient times
known to history. They were Intro
duced into England from Flanders in
1862.
A SCIENTIST says that few people know
that in bad seasons honey is apt to be
poisonous that is, where flowers are
scarce, the bees are obliged to gather it
from poisonous flowers.
"M. QUAD" is the pseudonym Of
Ohas. B Lewis of the Detroit Free Press.
He was born at Liverpool, Ohio. He
served in the Union army and was in Gen.
Clusters brigade.
The origin of the term "eating crow"
is as follows: It is story of summer
boarding house keeper on the Hudson
and Of an indignant patron. Whenever
the latter ventured to suggest that the
spring chicken was rather tough, or that
the roast beef must have been cut from
between the cows horns, he was directly
informed that he was entirely too per-
tickeler," and that the autocrat Of
the table and tho house could eat any
thing, even a crow. This settled the
matter for the time being, but the board
er, convinced against his will, was of
the same opinion still, at all events In
regard to the quality of the edibles
placed before him. So often was the re-
mark, "I kin eat anything kin eat q
crow" brought down on his devoted
head, that he finally resolved to try the
old man. He went out cunning one day,
and succeeded in bagging very fine,
fat, old black crow. He went into the
kitchen and by dint OF soft words and
filthy lucre induced the cook to prepare
it for the table. He boiled it nicely, and
it wasn't such bad-looking dish, after
all. His heart misgaye him; the finty
old cuss would eat it after all. The cook
was Scotch woman, and used snuff.
He borrowed all she had and sprinlled
it literally over the crow gave her an.
other simmer, and then, taking 1t on a
salver, brought it before his host, saying,
as he set it down, CHOW, my dear sir,
you have said thousand times, if you
said it once, that you can eat crow.
Here is one very carefully cooked" ct
is, said the old man. He turned pale
for moment, but hraced himself against
the back of his chair. and with, 81 kin
eat crow" he began cutting q good
mouthful. He swallowed it, and then,
preparing for a second onslaught, he
looked his boarder straight in the eye,
while he eieculated "Fve eaten crowp
and took his second portion. He lifted
his hands mechanically, as if for third
onslaughter, but dropped them quickly
over the region of his stomach, and, ris-
ing hurriedly and unsteadily, retreated
for the door, muttering as he went,
"but dang me if l banker after it.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05

81 have no more regard for your insolence.
| retorted Blaine, than I have for that Of \
| boy on the street"
Belmont MIR. Blaine has had due experi-
| ence before committees, and he has endeaY-
ored TO threaten them. He has done it for the
last time. He will not do if to me-"
Blaine This is too trifing. l hope the
committee will protect itself. / have no
power"
After some confusion quiet was restored. and
Belmont Resumed his questions. Thew took
such wide range that several of the mem
bers OF the committee objected to going into
the whole South American policy. Belmont
said then he was done. Blaine said he did not
desire to leave the room without giving Belmont
an opportunity to apologize for misquoting
his dispatches, and making him say that no
treaty of peace shall be signed unless the Ian
dreau claim is recognized. "That said
Blaine, :" has been the slogan of the dirty DEM
ocratlc party and the press that stand behind
'The aggression is on your part" said Bel
mont
II am very aggressive against false state
ments, said Blaine, and Belmont has stated
what has no semblance of truth
Belmont retorted 'You have asserted 4
falsehood brt do not propose that this com
mlttee-room, or that the press, or the country
in any way shall undertake to judge my method
W
to you in private"
Blaine reiterated his statement.
"Then this is the very last word | am willing
to give, said Belmont. .The words in effect
mean just what they say, and that IS the con-
struction that is to be put on your dispatch.
As to your assertion about the character Oh mg
statement, as have said just now, my course
of action in regard to that will be conveyed to
you in private / do not propose to make any
scene here with you, or to make any capital
one way or the other. You may if you choose
I think that is your method. That is what you
are usually guilty of. You are bully and
coward" [Sensation.l
Blaine smiled, and spoke slowly, Suppressing
his passion: ''Tnis man has disgraced his
place. He is the organ of men behind him. He
was put there to insult me. His meaning was
to do it. | beg to say he cannot do 1t. 1t is
not in Mr.. Belmont's power to insult me. He
may say | am bully and coward, and all
that. recognize that he is speaking for men
behind him"
"What say is entirely on my own response
bility," cried Mr.. Belmont, "and repeat you
shall very soon learn my method of dealing
with this question and with you"
"Let that conclude it" said the Chairman
and thus peace WAS restored.
Senator Blair, of New Hampshire, appeared
before the Peruvian investigation and read
long defense of his action He admitted hav-
ing accepted retainer of stock for bis services
as counsel but returned it to Shipherd because
of the probability that the subject would come
up for Congressional action. Senator Blair
testified that the late Gen. HurlDut had written
him that he could not make Shipherd under
stand that he (Hurlbut) could not act in the
matter, except under instructions from the
State Departments.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
Dust, Busters and Wipe.
} not dust. but wine !

do not dust, but wipe
Who would believe it? The duster-
that peaceful emblem OF domestic toll
may, under certain circumstances, be-
come more dangerous to handle than a
six-shooter.
We are in dead earnest. An eminent
scientist declares it to be fact.
Do you know just what you are doing
when you brush away dust? You dis
seminate in the air, and consequently
introduce into your own interior, into
your tissues and respiratory organs, all
sorts of eggs, spores, epidemic germs
and murderous vibiones which dust con-
tains.
One movement with feather duster
may be enough to poison both you and
your neighbor-to inoculate you all with
typhus, varioloid or cholera-strange as
it may appear.
Instead of a feather buster take cloth
and wipe away the dust instead of stir
ring it up. In short, wipe-never dust
- Exchange.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
Ingenuity Of French Thieves

Here is little story which Lucy
Hooper sends from the French capital ::
Really, Parisisn thieves are adroit Great
ures and full of invention. The police
arrested precious trio who have been
making a comfortable living for some
months past out of the large dry-goods
stores of Paris in the following fashion :
The party included an elderly, we'll
dressed man, with the red ribbon Of the
Legion Of Honor at his button-hole, a
middle-aged lady and young one, the
two last being irreproachable as to man
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-05-05
Origin of a Phrase.

To the pathological mind whole his
tory is oftentimes suggested by the
simplest, most commonplace expression.
Here, for instance, is an example, treat
ed alphabetically: When the chief priests
and Pharisees were at a loss how toproceed
some one of them, with keen knowl-
edge of human nature, suggested, "Buy
Judas ! ? This simple phrase from that
time forth became prominent landmark
in The domain of language, and even to
this day no exclamation is more COM
mon than this same BY Judas =
Boston Transcript.