Smyrna times., 1882-05-17
Funny Devices.

''OhIS OilV tOltI me, seems 10 me
That you called it Judge Tour-ecc
And member of the clergy
Told me once he heard Judge Turov
But heard his daughter saws:
Am he splendid-Judge Tour yhav,r
Tell us how you say the g"
Hard or soft, good Judge Tourgee.
For fellow, down Your way
Called IT, ont here. Judge Tours.l
30 when we say it. now, Your seq.
We have TO spell it Judge Tourgcc
Brass i moi near 50 valuable as gold
but some people contriyc to get alone
quite as well with it.
jim kccne intends to cali his wonder
fal new colt Slander, because it goes 90
fast when il gets started.
The Kingston Frc,naa has a teml,erance
department; but We dare say the editor Of
of the paper is innocent.
Literary Il occasionally drop into
poetry" as the man said when be fell into
the editorial waste basket.
As The Feach crop has moi been destroy
ed more than three times thi, season .
large average WELD may be expected.
Dung man, said the landlord. Il al
ways eat the cheese rind." And the new
boarder replied. just 50; am leaving
this for YOU.
Mr. Laboucherc says that the climax of
unreason has been reached when an oath
is taken on the hook which contains the
word Swear not at all.
Ii was duh period for news when the
enterpri%ing managing editor Of a western
daily headed an item concerning the death
Of a cat. Nine Lives Lost :"
| A French waiter recently charged two
American travellers 81 30 for half Il dozen
boiled eggs, uol because eggs were scarce.
but because Americans were.
An exchange contains an article head
ed Kate Field on Mems Legs. All
we have 10 say is, that she ought 10 be
ashamed Of herself--at her age too
DO YOU believe in a future life in
which we shall renew the ties that bind
us together here" e | do, said the hen,
| peclled husband sadly, but don't want
to-
Paris advertisement For sale-mon
key, cat and two parrots. Address Nine
X, Rue. As the lady is about to gel
married she has no further use for these
animals"
\ new song entitled BE kind to the
foreigner who lands on our shore" Ii
seems to US that this song will never Dc
for temperance gathering, for it is a sOr
of back an alien song.
A Swedish paper denies the story tha
King Oscar used to eat with his knife anC
scratch his head with his fork. Sooner O.
later, almost every mans claim to fame i
proven to be founded on nothing.
Rev. Minot J. Savage has been lecturin,
in Boston upon What Brains are For.
Had the reverend gentleman lived il
Texas he would very quickly have learne,
that they were intended principally to b
blown oHt
Barnum says if ii wasn't for the seventy
one years piled up against him in tn
family bible, he would feel like boy S
it seems the revision didn't do away wit
the family records. and the bible still ha
some influence in Connecticut
Poets often ask nonseASical question
In the last number Of orr CcatW,y. Edit
Fitzgerald expresses a desire to knov
"why experience did not come to her q
soon as she was born instead of waitin
for number Of years before putting in a
appearance. Well. you see, Edith ifyo
had been born old your mother woHl
have been your daughter. and so OF
which would have been rather confusin
to your grandmother and the old felix
generally. 1t is far better as ii is.
How much man is like old shoes
, For instance, both a sole may lose:
Both have been tanned. both are mad
tight
BY cobblers. Both get left and right,
Both need Il mate to be complete,
And both are made to go on feet.
They both need healing; oft are sold,
And both in time all turn to mold.
} With shoes the last is first with men
l The first shall be last, and when
The shoes wear out they're mended new
) When men wear out they're men dea
. too.
They both are trOd upon, and both
Will tread on others, nothing 10th,
5 Both have their ties, ana both incline,
, When polished, in the world to shine,
And both peg Out--and would yO
CHOOSE
To be a man or be his shoes?
Another appropriation is asked for ca
. rying on the census work, and next wintC
| ctill biUCar Onn will ba rouuirad fo,. IN