News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-08-31
SENDING A TELEGRAM.
An Inexperienced Travellers Labori-
GUS Efforts at Composition.
[From the Burlington Hawkeve.1

nhO, GAo SuUEtcI LIS L6TuS. LILO uOrG
nearly he can come to saying "msg" the
more content he is. And he doesn't
call it photographic form - he asks
for " blank" black or red, as the case
may be. And he never telegraphs'
anybody. He "wires' them. And he
doesn't explain to the operator what he
wants to do with the blank. Presum.
ably he wants to write message. And
as for the matter referred to in that
"msg" and the party for whom it is in
tended, the operator will know all that
he wishes to know-and sometimes
much more than you want him to know
soon enough.
So watched this passenger write his
telegraphic dispatch" First he asked
the operator: "What day of the month
is this? ?" There was nothing unusual
in that. Ali men ask that. 1t is the
opening line in the regular formula of
sending "msg." You may know
what date it is before entering the Of
fee, you may even have it impressed
upon your mind by having a note fall due
on that day, but the moment you poise
your pencil over the blank, that date
flies from your mind like the toothache
from dentists stairway. So when the
man asked: "What day of the month is
thls?" was not surprised. I courte-
ously answered him, as cover to ap-
preaching his position, but he did not
believe me. He repeated his question
and made the operator answer. Then
I knew he was very new at it. He
spoiled three blanks before he got
Biographical dispatch written to suit
him. But even that is not very uncom-
mon. A man always uses stationery
more extravagantly in another mans
Office than he does at home. Then he
wrote every word in the body of the
dispatch very carefully and distinctly,
but scrambled hurriedly over the ad-
dress as though everybody knew that
as well as he did, and dashed off his
signature in blind letter style, as
thongh his name was as familiar to the
operator as it was to his own family.
But even this is not uncommon. A man
will write cunningham" so that no ex-
pert under the skies will tell whether
it was Covington or Darlington, or
Oummagen, or Carrenton, and when the
operator points to it and asks, What
is this P'sthe writer will stare at him in
blank amazement for a moment, and
then answer: Why, that's my name -
"WelI, yes, know that, =" the operator
will say "but what is your name ?"
Then the mau will gasp for breath and
catch hold of the desk to keep him from
falling, and finally shout "Why, Gun
ningham, of course 4 !" and look pity
ingly upon the operator, and then
glance about the room with a panied
shocked expression, as one who would
say: Gentlemen, you may not believe
it, and I do not blame you, but heaven
is nay witness-here is man who does
not know that my name is Cunning
ham p This is not unusual. Any op-
orator will tell you that he has met
Cunningham scores of times and has
mortally offended him every time by
asking his name.
Well, my tall man with the thin neck
got along little better than that when
he handed the operator the following
explicit message:
Mrs. Sarah K. FolEins6es, Dallas Gen.
tire. IOagd:
MY DEAR WIFE:-I left the city early
this morning after eating breakfast with
Prof. Morton, Q live man in the temper
ance cause. I expected to eat dinner
with you at home, but we are delayed by
a terrible railroad accident, and 1 narrow
ly escaped being killed one passenger
was terribly mangled and has since died,
but I am alive. The conductor says l
cannot make connection SO as to come
to Dallas Centre this morning, but
can get there by 8 O'Clock this evening.
l hate to disappoint you, but cannot
help it. With love to mother and the
children, am your loving husband,
ROGER K. FoLLINsBER.
The operator read it, smiled and said:
"You can save considerable expense
and tell all that is really necessary, 1
presume, by shortening this message
down to ten words. We have no wire
directly into Dallas and will have to
send this message part of the way over
another line, which adds largely to the
cost of transmission. Shall l shorten
this for you ?" "No, Oh, no, the man
with shawl replied, "Pll fix it myself.
Ten words you say?" eyes, sir" 1t
was sumner, for fact, and the man
heaved despairing sigh as he prepared
to boil his " letter" down to ten words.
He sighed again after reading it through
once or twice, and then scratched out
"Dallas Centre, Iowa." as though ev-
erybody knew where he lived. Then
he erased =" early" and drew his pencil
slowly through breakfast with" and
Sin the temperance. Then he scratched
over "dinner with" and went on to erase
"and narrowly escaped. And so he
went on through the dispatch. Occa-
sionally he would hold it from him at
arms length after making an erasure to
get at the general effect. And at last
after much scratching and erasing and
with many signs, he came to the window
and said, Hero is this telegraphic dis,
patch to my wife. have not been able
to condense it into ten words, and do
not see how it can be done without gar
bling the sense of the dispatch, but if
you can do it, you will oblige me great
Iy, a5 1 do not wish to incur any really
unnecessary expense. And with that
he handed the operator the following
expunged edition of his original mes
sage:
Mrs. Sarah k. FOlIinsbee:
My DEAR WIFE: left the city-this
morning after eating g-Prof. Morton
alive-cause l expected to eat-you at
home. But we were delayed by terri
BILE railroad accident on the railroad. I
being killed-terribly mangled and
since died but l am the conductor.
I oannot--come to Dallas Centre
but 1 can.-I hate-mother and the
children. Your loving husband,
ROGER X. FoLLINsBEE.