Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-09-09
THE SPIRAL STUD.
Women Should be Careful How They
Throw Their Heads ON Mems Shirt
BOsOms.

From the Burlington Hawxeye.
We see that there's new shirt stud invented.
which goes through the gimlet hole in shirt
bosom In sections, and snaps together. leaving
the under side smooth, so that there is no raw
sewage to stick into a mans vital parts. the
way there is in the old spiral stud. and we look
forward to the happy future when we can buy a
set OF the new studs and give the old spiral
| studs to the poor, who have no feelings to be
| lacerated. We have thought for years that the
| government ought to call in the old spiral shirt
studs and issue new kind with coupons that
will go together with a snap; but nobody has
seemed to think the government ought to take
the responsibility. The man who has invented
the new stud should be placed on the pension
roll with the man who invented the telegraph
and the India-rubber baby clothes
FOR hundred years the spiral shirt stud that
screws IN has held the stomach of a man in its
grasp. ana has made sore spots on him. when
all should be sunshine and so forth II is said
that women share our joys and our sorrows.
| That may be so to a certain extent. and they
may suffer some but they don't know any thing
ABOUT the horrors of the spiral shirt stud.
Many men go down to their graves, and never
| complain. who have had their lives made miser-
able by spiral shirt studs No man can be cheer
full, full OF fun and frivOlity, and keep company
| In roar OF laughter, when he is constantly re-
minded that three golden cOrk-screws are
gently but firmly entering his body from three
different places. that three different shows are
getting in their work under one canvas
at one price of admission. 1t is asking too
much to expect a man to be entertaining
when three artesan wells are being sunk in his
| person at once.
Women do not mean to be cruel. and to cause
unnecessary pains to man, but if they knew
now they send the quivering arrows to his very
soul, In three places. they would be careful how
they throw their heads on mems shirt-bOsoms
ana root around to find an easy place to rest.
| No doubt many of our lady readers have
noticed that men shrink from them when they
lay their little darling heads on his breast. and
nave thought the man was shocked at their
actions. 1t is not that. 1t is the spiral shirt
| stud. Of course imam will stand good deal,
ana not complain. under such circumstances,
but II the woman i'm the case. or on the shirt
bosom rather. will look up into his fond eyes
she will find there. beside look of satisfaction
and dOnt-get-up-on-my-accO expression a
! far away, penetrating look, as though his soul
was on fire, or he had been eating cucumberS
women can have no idea of the sacrifice man
makes. in such cases. and they should not be
surprised if he faints away.
Other things in the world may cease but the
boring of the spiral stud never ceases. We
nave known preacher to get q vacation of six
months, with trip abroad, because he looked
sick. when ali in the world that allied him was
spiral shlrt-stud boring into HIM, though in this
instance there was no female head acting as a
screw-driver to drive themin He would preach a
serman on faith. and look sick as the studs
went into him. and the congregation would pity
him. think it was his liver. and raise money
enough to send him all over the world Oh
the spiral stud has done much to demOraljZe
the world and it should be suppressed.