St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-02-24
SquibS.

Webster defines an "OrnithOrhyncus"
as Il "beast with Il bill" Exactly Or
nithorhyncuses are plenty about the
first of the year.
A woman will coolly clean fish and
open oysters with her husbands razor,
but she will not for one moment think
of trimming the lamp with her new
scissors.
A Michigan girl tried to commit sui
eide by swallowing thirty six shirt but
tons. Fortunately, the veracious
chrOnicler adds, her digestion mistOOk
them for railway restaurant beans and
she was saved.
Said Mrs. Smith, who had come to
spend the day, to little Edith care
you glad to see me again, Edith 7"
Edith Eyes, MIN, and mammals glad,
too ~ Mrs. Smith-''Is she p Edith
ayes, MN she said she hoped you'd
come to-day, and have it over with"
"What time is it, my dear ?" asked
wife of her husband, whom she sus-
pected of being drunk, but who was
doing his best to look sober. "Well,
my darling, can't tell, cause you see
there are two hands Oh my watch, and
each points to different figure, and |
don't know which to believe"
"Father, did you ever have another
wife besides mother ~ "NO, my boy
what possessed yOu to ask such ques-
tion ~ ''Because | saw in the old
family Bible where you married Ammo
Domini in 1885, and that isn't mother,
for her name was Sally Smith Glas
gov Evening Times.
The lecturer began '"There is a
fortune lying in wait" Up jumped
bullet headed fellow in the northeast
corner to remark, ''Well, guess you're
bout right there, mister. There's Bill
Jones, the butcher. Three years ago
he wasn't wuth dollar. He's got
fortin' now. Got it, as you say, by ly-
ing in weight"
ooh, papa, that plaque is just too
too," said IL lovely young girl as she
stood looking in a shop window on
Main street. "Only S2.02 ~ said the
old gentleman in some surprise. 81
should think that was cheap. You'd
better buy it." 1t was a natural enough
mistake, but the old gentleman bought
the plaque all the same, though it did
cost him SIS Bangor Commercial.
that there are in gardens 3,767 worms
| to the acre. This tallies with our
/ count when we were digging the gar
den and didn't care Il nickel about find
/ ing worms out when we wanted bait
for fishing, the garden didn't pan ont
dozen worms to the acre. They had all
emigrated to some other fellow who
never goes fishing. - NOrristOwn
/ Herald.
Here we have an Oyster. 1t is going
TO a Church Fair. When it gets to the
| Fair it will Swim around in "a big Ket-
! tie of Warm Water. A Lady will Stir
it with a Spoon and Sell the Warm
! Water for Two Bits Pint. Then the
| Oyster will move on to the next Fair.
In this way the Oyster will visit all the
| Church Fairs in Town and bring a
great many Dollars into the Treasury.
| The Oyster goes IA great Way in Good
Cause Denver Tribune Primer.
The other day in Louisville a little
baby died i'll commissions, at least every
sign of death appeared, and the doctors
having listened in vain for the beating
of the heart, assured the sOTTowing
family that life was extinct. For fully
zen minutes Jhty SAT dIounu tHO ptu III
dulging their grief, and then, with an
impulse of affection, little brother of
the baby leaned over and kissed her
lips. To the bewilderment of all pres
ent the child gasped two or three times
and then began to breathe, and at last
accounts was rapidly recovering.
Whether the boys breath started the
wheels of life, or natural resuscitation
was merely coincident with his kiss,
nobody ventures to decide, and the
doctor is as much i'll the dark as every
one else.