Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-12-20
SPICE AND ALLSPICE,

wife.
Is man who bulls the market stock
raiser?
In making wills, some are left out and
others are left in.
A WOMAN never SO envies man as
when she mounts a horse.
NOTHING is so remarkable and cheap
as good manners.-Dog1 QWiTOte.
Four RS for congress: Reduce, re-
trench, revise, reform. = Providence
Press.
AN old fisherman insisted that FtSal-
mon IN all his glory was the correct
scriptural reading.
The futile demand for ten-cent pieces
shows that the United States mint does
not keep up with the dimes.-L0aOeU
Courier.
ADAM is said to have been the first
stock Speculation, because he was little
bare just before the fall.-Bo8toa Com.
Bulletin.
IT was little suburban boy who ran
to his mother with the joyful informa-
ton. 1--WE will soon have skating.
The pond has got scab on it already"
81. GRAY-Pack with my box five
dozen squills" The only remarkable
thing about this short sentence is that it
contains all the letters Of the alphabet.
A CITY missionary was asked the
cause of his poverty. Principally"
said he, with twinkle in his eye, ssbe-
cause [ have preached without notes."
THE following epigram is quoted in
Tendon medical journal:
A single doctor, like scuIler, piles
The patient fingers and by inches dies;
But two physicians, like pair of oars,
Watt him with swiftness to the Stygian shores.
"OUR young men are coming to the
'front.'" cries a political journal. It
doesn't look that way at the theater.
Just as many bald heads in the front
row as ever Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
THERE is a J. 2. in Alla1nakee who
does marriage by this formula: "Them
as this court has Joined together let no
man put asunder; but let little children
come unto them, SO help me God. =
Iona paper.
IT is during these days of business
that clergyman, on selecting chapter
of the Bible to read in church, first looks
at the end of the last verse to make sure
that no patent medicine advertisement is
hitched on.-Puck.
SHoPKEEPER-'' That pair of boots is
a great deal too large for you, sir
Sandy" But they are no the same
price as the sma' anes?" Shopkeeper
call the same price, SIR" Sandy
"Then I'll tax the big pair
A WESTERN preacher, whose congrega-
ton had began to fall off somewhat, had
it intimated that he would discuss a
family scandal the following Sunday.
As consequence the church was
crowded. The minister's subject was
Adam VS.. Eve.
THEY were talking at the boarding
house table about how far back they
could remember, and one gentleman re-
marked: s. I remember when this chick
en- was hatched." All the rest at once
became silent, acknowledging defeat,
and the landlady was so mad she ached.
A LITTLE city boy who was visiting in
the country, and watching woman who
had just been churning take the butter
from the churn, asked: ''What is
that?" "Why, it's butter, Jimmie %
''Butter!" he exclaimed, in surprised
manner; "what did you put it in the
milk for ?"
WHY are those things on your dress
called bugle trimmings ?" George
wanted to know. "Oh," replied Emily
lightly, s'because pa blows so over the
bill" And the red sun went down in
bank Of clouds about eighteen feet high
and four feet thick, and would have
gone down in bigger one if it hadn't
been so expensive.-Ea.
A KANSAS man upon being reused
from his bed at A. NJ. to split some
kindlings, INDUCED in heather language
and wished somthing would come along
and convert everything combustible into
kindling wood. Next day cyclone came
bowling along and knocked his house
into kindlings, and yet he was not salts
fed. It is impossible to please some
men.--NOrr5stoaO9a Herald.
A FOND mother, beholding her child
eating quantity of sugar plums, began
for to curse and to swear, and warned
him he should have the stomach ache
unless he shared the sweetness, with bis
little sister. sENo, no, dear mother"
he sagely replied, CT would willingly
share the tafy with sister, were it not
1OI bIlc 1SdI VI d1oO Slld1ILlS OLC OUOh4bOh
ache with her. Say no more, but let
me suffer alone" aes
SAID the father of the bank cashier:
"My son caught stealing! My son de-
tected in dishonesty He, the light of
nv life. on whose education I have spent
SO much care! He has disgraced his
family! We are all ruined! And that
my son should have done this Why,
old as I am, I'll bet I'd have worked it
so they'd never have found me out! Too
bad! Too badp' And, overcome by
emotion, the aged man wept.-BoSton
Post.
We learn from an exchange that an
important clue in celebrated case has
been obtained. 1t appears that "the
uncle of the defendant was told by his
son, who heard it from an aunt IN the
country, who got the information from
neighbor, the latter having overheard
stranger tell another that he was told by
man that the report touching this