Huntsville gazette., 1882-09-02
Sp0Opendyke Crab-Fishing.

Coming up the river the other day,
I saw middle-aged gentleman in a
plug hat and business suit seated in a
scow beside an attractive lady, feeling
around among a lot of strings pendant
from the side of the boat, and warning
the lady that she could not keep too
quiet.
"Now, my DEAR" observed the gen.
tleman, s'don't you move, because | feel
crab on this line. Iii pull him up
until he IS in sight and then you slip the
net under him. See?"
eyes, DEAR" replied the lady, a
little fiustered as she contemplated her
share of the performance. "But, Mr..
Spoopendyke, what shall | do when [
get the net under himp"
Scalp him!n retorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, drawing slowly on the line. sNow
wait, he's there" and Mr. Spoopen-
dyke became even more cautious in his
movements. "See him There he is!
Scalp him, quick!"
Mrs. Spoopendyke iabbed the net
into the water and swashed around
with great vigor.
"What ye doing?" yelled Mr.:
Spoopendyke, Strengthening up and
glaring at her, as the crab struck line
for Newark Bay. "What'd We think |
had there, the bottom of the river
What'd We suppose ye was trying to
catch, church? Take it out! Give it
herei" and he grasped the lady around
the waist and took the net away from
her.
"Did I scalp him?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, flushed with her exer-
tions and trembling with her excite
ment. "Show him to mei let me see
what he looks like!'
"Looks like!" roared Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke 'He looks like Sandy Hook by
this time. Why didn't you scalp him?
What's the matter with you?"
ell couldn't tell which was his
head" faltered Mrs. Spoorendyke, who
hadn't seen anything at all. ''Pull him
up again. and you'll see if | don't
scalp the last hair on his skull"
The English language lost its last
charm for Mr.. Spoopenkyke, and he
turned to his strings with a whitening
look of contempt for his wife.
''Now you be careful" he said at
length. ''Here's another varmint, and
you mustn't let him get away. When l
say 'Scalp!' you shove the net under
him and Just bring him aboard"
eCan you see him yet?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, waving the net over her
head and peering into the water.
"Wait! Yes, there he is! Careful.
remember. Now, scalp!"
He must have been a crab of phe-
nomenal scholastic advantages to have
COTTON rid of that swoop,f for Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, with a view to redeeming her.
self, went for the end of the string blind
", but with strength of purpose that
made failure impossible She not only
got the crab, but she slammed net,
crab and all over Mr.. Spoopendyke's
head
wah-h !" shrieked that
gentleman, as he felt himself i'm
pounded.
eLost him again!n exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, who hadn't the remotest
idea what crab looked like. "Why,
dear, what's that awful big spider in
the net! Good graciousin
"Take it off" howled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Take it-wow! the thing has
got me by the earl Haul him off, will
ye?'
Mrs. Spoopendyke dropped the ham
die of the net as if it were an oldfa~ h.
ioned bonnet, and gazed upon her hus-
band in CONSERVATION.
"Gast the crabi" yelled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, tearing the net away. "Let go,
We brutel Wah hal" and the unfortu
nate man wrenched the fish from off his
ear and dashed it in the bottom of the
boat. "What'5 your scheme in doing
that?" he demanded, holding his ear
with one fist and shaking the other at
his wife. "Think you've got to eat 'em
that he came up cooked and you must
down him quick or he'll spoil?" yelled
Mr.. Spookendyke, enraged beyond all
control by the sight of the carnage that
trickled down his fingers. '.What'd We
mean by itp" and he sprang into the
air and alighted on the unhappy crab,
slipping up and sprawling full length in
the bottom of the boat.
Was that a crab, dear?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, assisting her husband to
arise and contemplating the manged
fish with anything but favor. s'Is that
what you call a crabp thought
g You thought" ripped Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, kicking at the bewildered crab.
eThat's the trouble with you-you think
Did ye think was going to stand
here and let that crab chew on my ear
Till his legs ached? P'raps ye thought
he was whispering to me! Maybe ye
thought he was telling me q funny sto,
ryl Well, he wasn't, and if he was his
voice was so hoarse | couldn't enjoy it
Ye thought, did ye!'; squealed Mr.
Spoopendyke, his wrath rising as the
pain and fear subsidized; 'sthought a
crab talked with his toes. like some wo-
men think, did ye! Oh, you thought! II
/ had such head as that I'd fit it up
with shuck beds and a stick OF gum and
start a female boarding-school! With
your ability to think, you only need 8
squint and four long words to be Con
cord School OF Philosophy" and Mr.
| Spoopendyke plunged the oars into the
water and began to row vigorously.
"Where are You going, dear" asked
4 NyrS Srnanon1xrlva I,