Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-09-13
SOME STAKES.


T9psTtence WnA the 6TkunsdS AOue.
"Speakin' 'bu the A-kansaw ager,"
said the mau with the saudy goatee AMI
squint eyes as he leaned back iu his
chair, that's whar You saw my heart
strings, in case I've got any left to saw
on. Cent? men, gaz. on me-"
The crowd gazed.
"When moved down into Arkansaw
from Tennessee risin' of sixteen years
ago was pnrty--I was, for fact. I
had dozen skuem ,rms in love with me
to once, and hang me up ifevery gal in
the ball wouldn't break her neck
for the honor of dancin' with me Yes,
] was purity. and was good. was so
purity that children cried for me, and so
good that was taken fur preacher on
more'n hundred occashuns. Whar has
my purity gomez Why, I've got to be
the infelnaiist alligator in the hull
swamp, and I'm CROWN meaner at the
rate OF mile a day FAct-solemn
fact, and that cautankerous ager is to
blame for the hull of it. I've got o
sqtint to my eyes, my nose has been
driven b.ck an inch, and what teeth I've
got left have to be wedsed in every Sun
day with pine pegs or Ia swallow 'em.
Purity? Why, the sight of my phiz
down in St. Loui. killed Texas steer
dead'rn door nail, aud was tryin' to
look handsome at that"
"You said you had the ague."
"SaId 20! Do You s'pose all the
other calamisies in this hull kentry
could have busted me up this way?
You bet had 'er. struggled with 'er
right along for 'leven straight vars
without let up. Gentlemen. let me
harrer your souls " with few timely re-
m rks. Your Michigan ager is grass.
hopper, and one dose Of kyneen knocks
'er dead. Out IN Illinoy the ager is big
ger-sbout like squlrril. In Missouri
she's about the size Of woodchuck. and
when she strikes down into Artansaw
she's wolf three feet high, seven feet
long, and built to take hold like thou
sand buzz-saws. Great slams but what
tussles I've had with that ere crltter
Say, did ye ever ride in a one-hoss
wasin over stone qu,rry2 Was ye
ever seated on the top rail of fence
when II hurricane moved it at the rate
of six miles mint? Did ye ever have
q cyclone pick ye up and mop you over
forty acres OF river bottom, aud wallop
ye thr. u. .yh ten acres OF woods and use
W for TOOL to knock down a hundred
scres Of cane brake? w Ii, that amt
the ager--not the Arkansaw kind it's
only the first faint prelImnaries."
He stopped to rehght his cigar, and
then continued:
II hnin't long to live, and don't keer
to stretch this thing any. Teliin' the
truth has alius bin my strong pint, aud
allus will be. Maybe yen get some
idea of the Arkansaw ager when tell
ye that once unjinted both shoulders
in shakin', and it was light shake ut
that. When had on one of my reg'lar
double back-action shakes could Jar =
jug OF whisky out of the crutch of tree
twenty eight rods oil. Nobody dast pile
up coid wood within half mile of my
cabin, aud that's solemn fact. I dc
vonred k. neen just us You eat corn beei,
and my hull system finally got SO bitter
that dog who smelt my leg couldnt
get the pucker out Of his mouth inside
OF ten days. Gentlemen, do not wish
to pr long this agony. My failln' i.
grub. Fus5 1 know I'll Jump the ager
and begin on Arkansaw skeet4rs, and
when | get there I'd harrer yer souls till
ye eonlin't sleep fur two weeks. W.
will now bave some licker, and l will
seek a few needed reposes. Little
Rock Gk= its.