The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1882-10-12
PASSAGES FROM THE JOURNAL OF
A SOCIAL WRECK.

PASSAGES FROM THE JOURNAL OF
A SOCIAL WRECK.
with Two painful facts staring me blaukly in
the face. i am reduced almost literally to
my last cent, and have 10 prospect of increas-
ing this sum. For the first lime in my life 1
may examine the situation impartially. 1t is
not m fault that it is a physical impossibiiiy
Tor me to get up early in the morning, and
therefore that / never have staid in any office
more Than two or three weeks at the longest.
II is constitutional. 1 can't write a good
hand or Keep books correctly for the same
reason. Mathematics were left out of my
composition. i mast smoke, and it is i'm
possible for me to smoke a poor cigar. II /
am in debt for cigars, as well as other neces-
sites, how can | help ita l would willingly
work If l could only find the kind of work that
would suit me. l am not q fool. There is
not a man in New York who speaks French
with a better accent than l do. I can sing
better than most amateurs. There is no
vanity in saying that people consider me
good-looking. 1 don't find it difficult to
please when / make an effort, and yet l am a
complete failure. 1t Is not my fault. Pm a
round peg in a square hole. I ought to have
been the oldest son of a Duke, with a large al
lowance. Instead, l am a helpless orphan,
with nothing a year. 1 seem to joke, in reali-
~ / am in despair. Fortunately my landlady
trusts me blindly, or iwouh be turned into
the street.
1 have sold or pawned all my valuables. 1
might pawn my dress suit and studs, but IL I
did l couldn't go out to dinner If l were
asked, and that is always a saving. lean not
get a pace In an opera company because my
voice has not been sufficiently trained. There
always is something 10 preyentmy success, no
matter what l try.
To-day 1 met Morton in the street. He
stopped me and said: "By-the way, Yalen-
tine, your name will come up at the Amster-
I M uarwr 5000 - -
Imagine paying club dues in my present
condition! Yet to belong to the Amsterdam
has been one of my ambitions. 1 had to get out
of it, and said, in an off-hand way: "Ah,
thanks, Morton. but you may as well take my
name off the list. I'm thinking of living out
oftown."
So am II think of occupying six feet of
real estate in The country, If something doesn't
happen soon. Morton always initiates me.
He is one Of those prosperous, fortunate
creatures, always so completely the thing, that
i feel hopclessly my own deficiencies.
; 15.- omething has happened. I
have an idea. 1t strikes me as strange, yet
feasible. When l came in this afternoon 1
it ran as follows:
New YORK, January IL, 1ss-.
" Families who are about to give receptions,
dinner parties or other ~entertai meBts will be
In making these events pleasant and e ijoyable
can. be obtained through the medium Of the
Globe Employment Bureau. These persons
will rot be professionals, but parties of culture
and refinement, who will appear well, dress ele-
gantly, and mingle with The guests, while able
ad willing to play, sing, converse iuently,
tell q good story give a recitation, or anything
that viii help to make an evening pass pleas
The Globe Employment Bureau in this
plan simply complies wi h the increasing de-
mands of a large class of its patrons. The
attendance OF these persons, young or old,
can be had for the sum of fifteen dollars per
evening each. We will guarantee them to be
strictly honorable and reliable persons. Re-
spect1ully yours,
"THE GLOBE EMPLOYMENT BUREAU"
The idea amused me. moralized on it as q
phase OF New York society; wondered what
sort OF people would employ these individuals;
wondered what the individuals would feel like
themselves; smiled grimly at the inference
that could go to the expense of fifteen dollars
to procure The services of one of these persons.
While / stood with the letter in my hand, a
thought flashed into my mind. 1t widened
and developed, until 1t possesses my whole
being 1 can't hire a Globe young man, but
anything is better than starvation; I will be a
Globe young mani
JANUARY Is.-It is all settled, and I am in
the service of the New York Globe. After
two days of hesitation, I presented myself this
morning at the Globe Office. / was shown to
the Employment Bureau, and there, through a
little grating, / was interviewed by a young
clerk OF supernatural composure. He had a
cool discerning eye, that seemed to read nv
very soul and AXE In my situation and errand
m a glance. / produced, the Globe letter as
the simplest method OF introducing myself.
He looked at me with his discriminating ex-
preston. e me see, he murmured. 1--WE
have had three thousand applications since the
day before yesterday, and our list is complete.
But six eet-blonde-good -looking-distin
guished, In fact'-he bit the handle Of his men
meditatively. His air of reflection changed to
-uA - H.
concluded.
!! followed him through a dim passage to a
little room where there was a piano with some
music on it. Standing beside the piano was a
small dark man, rubbing his hands and bowling
politely as we entered. 1t reminded me Of
one of the torture chambers of the Inquisition.
what were they going to do to me?
The chief inquisitor, in the shape of the
clerk, began the ceremonies by saying: ST
suppose you would nothave come here without
0eing able to fill the requirements of the
Globe circular. Be kind enough to sit down
and sing and play that song.n
1t proved to be 'In the Gloaming." was
IN good voice, and managed to sing it with
some expression. -
Is bravo % said the second inquisitor, In the
shape of the little dark man.
ne then took me in hand. He proved to be
an italian, and asked me questions in Italian
ana french, In both of which languages I an.
swereo as well as l could. / was then obliged
oOh6oyu IAuhtAlR bODRS, COMIC
songs, opera bouffe, English ballads, and
n-w than all-requested to recite some
dramatic poetry. Here I was at sea. con-
fessed that knew none.
Never mind" said the clerk, encour-
agingly; "you have done remarkably wen in
other respects, and you can easily learn the
regulation pieces.s
He handed me a list, beginning with sour
few shall not ring tonight and 1.-THE Charge
OF the Light Brigade" and ending with
NBefoeV and II are Ont ~ and fpTho Nav
queen" / choked down my rising resent
ment. What wouldn't 1 do for fifteen dollars
IN evening, short of crime?
''Very WE'LL" 1 said, obediently.
1 was led out of the torture chamber, ex-
hausted, but still living. 1t is queer. I feel
shaky. l had to give them my own name. Hound
there was no getting out of this. They said
that the whole matter was strictly in conf
dence. They required references, and l had
taken the precaution to bring SEVERAL letters of
men-letters hat had been given to me a short
While before when | was trying to get a situa-
ton in a business house down town. These
were satisfactory as to my character.
l have put the halter around my own neck
now.
n: B.-suppose Morton were to find this
outi
JANUARY 20.-I have had my first expert
ence in my new character. I la been told to
be ready every afternoon by five O'Clock for
1CcOCiodJJ dOOub bN III u dlUCE-
noon, L received a message from the Globe,
directing me to go to a house in East Sew.
enty-fourth Street, near Fifth Avenue, at nine
o'clock that evening and submit myself to the
orders of Mr.. Q. K. Slater. It was a consol-
ing thought that / had never heard of Mr.. Q.
K. Slater, and that East Seventy-fourth Street
was an unknown region to me.
Punctually at nine that evening ! found
myself in the large parlor of a house in Sew.
enty-fourth Street, brightly lighted, and filed
with people. The centre Of the room was
cleared and several people were dancing to the
strains of a band. Near the door stood a tall,
imposing gentleman with gray whiskers, and
q lady in full evening dress. Doubtless my
hosts, or rather my proprietors.
What was Ito dot How were they to NOV
who and what I vast As I stood hesitating,
/ found that their eyes were fixed upon me
with a significant glance. 1 Immediately went
toward them. To my establishment the lady
greeted me by my name with the utmost
suavity.
''Good evening, Mr.. Valentine she said.
] am delighted to see YOU"