The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-03-14

ansa; my last is ten hours old, and we
number thirteen in all"-Ex.
That wife must have been "baby
mine"
Where is my daughter tonight ?-Ex.
Damfno. If she is not at Sichers' suck
ling down saddle rock oysters, she is at
home counting the hairs in her lovers
moastache with a magnifying glass.
1t is said that pound of bananas
contains more nutriment than three pounds
OF meat-EX.
Is has also been demonstrated that one
banana skin has got more slip up and fall
down in it than half dozen roller skating
Kinks
The last comet is said to have had a
tail 4,U00,O0O miles long.-Ex.
What a comfort it must be in fly time,
The goose Kisses at everything and APP
piauds nothing.-Ex.
There are human critics i'm this world
wne are quite as hard to please.
Man alone can whistle. Thank good
n,ess--Boston Transcript.
But he can also whistle when not alone.
Thank badness.
A North Carolina woman stabbed the
nan who attempted to hug her.-Ex.
This proves that all women are not en-
Realistically in favor of free press.
Aren't they pretty? Some of them.
-Ex.
Aren't they curious? All of them.
Custom compels an Icelander to kiss
every woman he meets.-Ex.
What surprises him most is the unusual
lumber of old maids that are always going
che wrong way.
Oscar Wilde SAYS we have no ruins in
3i4s countrv.-EN.
Let somebody bring him to Sedalia and
>I.ow him the opera house.
The petticoat is generally getting
a~iy with the ulster.-Ex.
The ulster has gotten away with manv a
oet+icoat, however.
"A nobleman proposed marriage to
sab Bernhardt. She replied: Il am
carried TO my art.
She art to be married. from the lids
SEC has.
"A woman has been arrested in New
iozk for abducting a little boy.-Ex.
The woman who would abduct little
DoT when there are SO many big ones,
ought to be arrested
1t is estimated that men have given
no-e thoughts to some device to fasten sus-
Dsnder buttons than they have to any one
branch OF science or philosophy.
That is astonishing, but it would be much
more so If there was no such thing as
properly fastened Suspender buttons.
There is a Jefferson City girl who has
ben dying for the last two wears; living
With one loot i'm the grave, a. ii were.
Fix.
Let her friends have hope she Will
.n7er be able TO get the other one in un-
esS the grave Is cellar.
Oscar Wilde yearns to see an American
-,.sing
scar should at once be introduced to
81 secret of the bent pin.
AT the opera i'm Dublin a gentleman
--casticallv asked man standing up in
tront of him if he was aware he was
opaque. The other denied the allegation,
and said he was O'Brien.
A fashion item. says "bugs" of all sorts
and sizes appear on the spring bonnets."
Some spring beds present the same ap-
rsarance.
"A young gentleman advertised for a
vile through the Chicago papers and re-
seived answers from eighteen husbands,
saying he could have theirs.
An aesthetic, in referring to valentines,
calls them "the scented aud gilded messen-
gers of love."-Ex.
Maybe so; but the behaved ones we
received were surely the messengers of
pique and envy.
Master Tom-"Have q weed, gran'pa?"
Gran'pa-"A what, sir ?"
n. IA weed. A cigar, you know"
G.-"Certainly not, sir. l never smoked
n my life"
N. T-3Ah! then, wouldn't advise you
20 begin"
Tive lived and loved,' said an un-
Aappy old maid"
A widow would have said, give loved
and lived"
of all blessings, ladies are the sooth-
,ngest.-Artemus Ward.
Artmus had probably never been detained
at the "lodge" and found the lady of his
heart waiting for him.
Mr.. Malone Ito the apple woman, who
ls(N1 q