Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-09-10
spOopendyke - = Farmer.

This" said Mr.. SpOopendyke, as he
gazed around on his new acquisition of
six acres-"this, my dear, is what have
always wanted. A farm anda farmers
life are the highways to happiness. Mrs.
Spoopendyke, don't you think so?"
Its perfectly lovely" rejoined Mrs.
Spoopendyke. al was born on a farm,
and was always healthy, though had
to go a good ways for water"
"Tll fix that, my DEAR" returned Mr..
SpOOpendyke. "I'n bring the water
Now, where are my agricultural reports Z?
must plant right of if we are going to
have crops, and when they're ripe we'll
take them TO market"
II see the report says you must give
your hen chopped turniP once in a
while" Mrs. SpOOpendyke said, putting
her thumb on the paragraph.
Either that or cabbage" returned
her husband. ~ don't know whether
well have cabbage enough" he con-
tinued," muSingly.
You might have les buckwheat,"
suggested Mrs. Spoapendyke. "Ishould
think, though, that two acres would be
enough for one hen, and if it isn't you
can buy load now and then from the
neighbors."
'tPn think that over" replied Mr..
SpOopendyke. Here's one thing GER
tain / don't understand. 1t says we
should test few seed before planting to
make sure they will terminate, but it
don't say how to do it."
MAYBE it means to boil them" sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke; "or perhaps
you -"
"Oh, perhaps you think it means to
crack 'em with an axe to see ifthey are
hard! | s'pOse you've got an idea you
stick straws into 'em to see if they're
dOnei Well, you don't; you put acid
on 'em. Pll get some acid and drop 'em
in, and if it discOlors 'em they're no
good, and if it don't they're all right.
think We ought to have some weevil
for the pig"
II don't know where you're going to
plant it," said Mrs. SpoOpendyke, "un-
less it will grow with buckwheat or
onions. You can't put it i'll with the cab
bage, because the pig and hen would
fight"
"Don't you know what weevil Isl"
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke, glaring
at his wife. Got a notion it's some
kind of weed for the pig to smoke,
haven't you? Imagine its gilt-edge
nOte-paper with monogram for him to
write on, don't you? Well, it isn't q
swallow-tail coat or plug hat for him
to go to church in, neither! You don't
plant weeVil, Mrs, SpOopendyke, any
more than you do soap, or clOthes-pins,
or stair-rods. You buy it in barrels, and
Ill order SOme."
IL think We ought to have some lace
curtains for the front Windows" sug-
gested Mrs. SpoOpendyke, anxious to
change the conversation.
"Ees, and we want q folding bed
stead for the COW, and we've got to have
a new arm chair for the pig, and Pm
afraid those cabbage won't do without
u wet-nursew squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. 81 suppose Pve got to hire
man to SEQ that the meadow don't 90
fishing OH Sundays and upset your
religious notions. D! your farmers
wife, you are! i'll had time to write
an index to you and get some dOdgasted
binder to fit you up with tiy-leaf,
you'd make whole agricultural
report"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot into the
house and to bed, while his wife, having
put all the oil-lamps into buckets of
water so they couldn't explode during
the night, fell asleep dreaming that the
cabbage patch had elOped with the
onions, while the cow and the pig had
died of weevil, and the windmill had
abandoned agricultural pursuits and
started off through Ohio preaching the
Gospel.