The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-11-22
COMIC COMMENTS.
Last words of Webster: zythepsary
zythum. T,oro,fo Grin

'Eythum. Toronto Grip.
Floral: Apropos of the Language o
Flowers" how would forget-me-not do t.
send to a rich relation p The Judge.
ON the question of the next potato croI
the eyes have it.--Lo,ceH Courier. On th,
question of the onion crop the nose will have
it.-Boston Advertiser.
Judge Tourgee says the live man is al
WAYS to be found in front. In funeral pro
eessions, down here in Texas, we have no
ticed that the remains were in front, and the
live men came struggling along behind. =
Teas Sifyings
"A cable despatch that g mine was dis
covered in street in Moscow, Russia" wal
headed by an innocent journalistic head
writer as IA Bonanza in Moscow. ~ Bur
hagton Haackeye.
Should and does "Who shall decide
when doctors disagree ?" We don't know
who should, but we know that the under
taker generally does. --Puck.
journalistic: Some of the manuscript
offered to printers is so bad that it ough
first to be sent to the house of correction,
with its author, -Neao Orleans Picayune
"A curious fact There are still few
persons at large who will invest their money
in mining stock in preference to investing it
in dog and shooting the dog. - Cincinnati
Enquirer
"A soft answer: my DEAR" said hus.
band to his wife" what kind of stone do
you think they will give me when am
gone ?" She answered, cody, birthstone,
John. n-Nesport Neacs
Love in the Northwest: A Wisconsin
man bit off the lobe of his wife's ear. He
says he did it in fun, but it is suspected that
he had promised her set of diamond ear.
rings, and knew no other way of getting out
of his dilemma Boston Transcript
Why he disagreed: Disagree" SAID
the juryman, of course did. Dye think
I'm such commonplace lunkhead as 10
have no opinions different from the eleven
donkeys | was associated with? / disa-
greed, sir, as a matter of Justice to myself ?n
Boston Post.
ubiquitous: A Georgia editor who has
roam d about his State good deal gather
ing varied experience says: "Gold is
found in thirty-six counties in this state,
silver in three, copper in thirteen, iron in
forty-three, diamonds in twenty-six, and
whisky in all of them; aud the last gets
away with all the rest.n
-" Have you any fresh eggs ?" eyes,
mum, plenty; them with the hen on 'em ~
with the hen on them ?" Eyes, mum,
we always puts hen ON our fresh eggs to
distinguish of 'em. Beg pardon, mum,
don't think you understand. Hen the letter,
not ZEN the bird. Hen for noolaid, mum.
Take dozen, mum? Thank you!"-
Puaca.
An outrage: A shabby looking custom-
err came into Teas iSittiags Office and asked
US to sign petition to have himself appoint.
ed ON the police force, saying that the Leg.
isature had ruined his business. "Whai
was your business, and how did the Legisla
ture ruin tn II kept one of the mos
/ Iourionfng gumbffns-rvvms I'm Austin unr
tho Legislators broke il up by adjourning ant.
going home. - 1eeas SJttiags
"A rebuke: An Austin Sundy School
teacher was examining his class MS to their
Biblical knowledge. Who was it that be-
trayed his Master?" First boy; "Abra-
ham betrayed his Muster" "That's not
right. Nextl /" Second boy sit was
judas Iscariot who betrayed his Master"
"That was right" A good little boy looked
reproachfully ut the teacher and said ~
am going to tell my ma you said it was right
for Judas to betray bis Master. ~ Teas Sjt-
ingS
"A colored fatalist An Austin colored
preacher, being called upon to make few
remarks at the grave of boy, said "Deah-
ly belubbed bredderin and sisterin, de day
an de hour when each and cherry one oh Ut
mus yield up our sperets am done got, but
sf kind Providence had not made de cow
cumbers late dis heah season. dis heah prom
ISM boy would hab clomb de golden stair
seberal weeks ago. Praise be to de Lord for
His goodness and mussy."- Texas Syyings
Rather rough: Finlston's wife died
-"
yesterday, ana rs IL was the hrse Tune the
Two had met since the iatters aiiiiction
Brown naturally referred to flnktons ioss oil
his wife. Loss OF my wiie! exclaimed
flhkion, IN pewiidefmeht. "hat DO you
mean, Brown Lett my WIG hal' minute
ago. Never better in her lie. v, under
stand no ADDED, after pause you
mean my other wife" lie had been remar
ried IN inc interim --b0SSo@ Transcript.
An old sinner An elder, while baptiz-
ing converts at a Goliad, Texas, revival
meeting, advanced with wiry, sharp-oyed
old chap in the water He asked the usual
question, whether there was any reason why
the ordinance of baptism should not be nd
ministered. After pause tall, powerful
looking man, who was looking quietly Oh,
remarked: Elder, don't want to inter-
lore III your BUSINESS Dut want 10 say lnht
this is an old sinner you have got hold of
and that one dip won't do him any good. II
you want to get the sins out of him you'll
have to anchor him out in the deep water all