The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-12-13
COMIC COMMENTS.


Appreciation 1t is the man with the
swelled jaw who realizes that silence is
golden. Puck.
Ancient angling Many people think
Annanias was an amateur fisherman.
Orleans Picayune
Boarding house logic; Whom the gods
love die young. The gods do not like spring
chickens Puck
lightning struck brewery in Milwau-
kee the other night and made everything hop
Burlington Hdwkeys.
The Speaker of the House is generally
known as the chair, so called because he is
sat down on 30 often.
The life of locomotive Is only thirty
years. This is another warning to inveter-
ate smokers
Two styles Of consolation: A mans
Just what I expected woman's--ssI
told you how 1t would BE-" a
Some hotel clerk must have originated
he expression There Is always room at
the top. Boston Star.
--Befors the wedding day. she was dear
and he was her treasure but aftsrward abe
became dearer and he treasurer
The average hotel waiter Is q perfect
prodigy at cards-he takes everything
with his tray. -Ne,c Jersey Enterprise.
Its mistake to think the bubble reputa-
ton Is always fooling around the mouth o.
cannon. -Nc,o Orleans Picayune.
a
Latin Is a dead language, and that Is
Why doctors use II for writing out their pre-
scriptions. -Ne,o Orleans Picayune.
No man that ever lived can clinch an
argument without riviting his opponents
attention. Andresos' Queen. staa
Mr.. Gunyer sold his Irish setter because
he said, the dog had no scent. That's moth
ing He'd dollar if you'd kick him. which
was hundred fold better Bardette,,
The hesitating powers No wonder
the powers still hesitate The Second Rsgi~
ment of Illinois militia has Just received
seven 7ecruits. Louisville Courier Journal
Worse and worse 1t is time to let mp
on the Star route thieves In Boston bar
keeper has been detected putting vinegar
into squeezed lemon and using II q second
time. 7trds SUsings, q ea1s'e s..
Happy little boy. A little boy, once a
page, but now in the graveyard, has been
assessed by Jay Hubbell The little boy
need not pay it. He will not lose his place.
--Neto Orleans Picayune.
Reckless extravaganza: The Malley
trial cost the State of Connecticut and the
father Of the defendants $50, 900. That's
powerful heap Of money to pay out for two
zen cent boya.-R. J. Busdette mi
Squirting construction Is there any
double meaning anywhere when member
Of the Forty-seventh Congress says: IT
have no doubt that my constituents viii 90
for me s"- Louisville Couyier-Jouraak
--Foresight Sought man to shake
hands with tradesman, even IL he offers
his hand first p Neverl" replied the
other "You cannot shake hands with
man who, sooner or later, viii sue you"
--Something must go If there Is no
rain for awhile sune crops win be ruined
and II there is rain crops are bound to be
ruined This In gathered from careful
summary of a great many Agricultural re-
marks.-Neao Orleans Pfcayune = g
Mrs. Lily-white at work: q Oh, dear,
never can get used to homework, y, said a
young housewife 10 her neighbor,. II
haven't bit Of corn starch in tho house to
do up Johns cuffs and collars. Can't yon
lend me little g"--Neo Haeen Register.."T
Brother Blunderers slip; A colored
congregation in Austin recently discharged
their pastor because he made too frequent
and pncomplimentary reference to "de pow
ers OBJ darkness" That kind of talk did not
match the complexion of the congregation.
Teas SJhngs aAtf
"A Mrs. Malaprop of the kitchen;
How are the supplies, Dinahl !" asked
gentleman of his colored cook just before
starting down town. Well, sab" respond
cd the sable mistress of the kitchen, 81
tink dab is combustibles enough to last till
tomorrow. Boston Commercial Bulletin.
The difference "Your Honor and
gentleman Of the jury, acknowledge the
reference Of counsel of the other side to my
gray hair. My hair is gray and it viii con-
tinue to be gray as long as i've The hair
Of that gentleman is black, and viii continue
to be black as long as he dyes. --Neto Yor&
Tribune .e..,. s9,,
IA Challenge: hear great deal about
the elephant Jumbo and his enormous
strength. As the president of the leading
oilymargarine manufacturing company in
America, challenge Mr.. p. T. Barnum to
back his elephant for strength against half
ton Of oilymargarine Of my manufacture
for $2, 800 side. Pack.
"A martyr: "Talk about stopping the
drinking habits Of the people II exclaimed
the lecturer "thera is but one way to do
it--you must remove the cause" "True
fr you. oil fell, shouted demoralized bear.
er, ''true FIR you. That's what I've been
trying to do all my life Bring on yer cause
II yer want II removed. "--Boston Tran
script af tt @a m
Progress of photography. A French
photographer boasts of having been able to
catch the impression of flying bird. There
is nothing at all wonderful about that An
Austin man, who has no scientific attain
ment whatever, without any effort on his
part, caught the impression Of flying bat
It was a very clear impression. The flying
bat was brick-bat He was offering res
button at a ward meeting when the acci-
lent occurred. - eras Settings
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