Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-08-05
Grabbing as a Fine Art.

S-SeAAS S'ih' NNNisiNt anu
Grabbing as a Fine Art.
From the Brooklyn Eagle
Comingup the river the other day, I saw mid
dle-aged gentleman In aplug hat and a business
suit seated in scow beside an attractive lady,
feeling around among lot Of strings pendant
from the side of the boat and warning the lady
that she could not keep too quiet.
Now, my dear" observed the gentteman,
don't you move, because | feel crab on this
line. I'll pull him up until he is I'm sight, and
then you slip the net under him. See ?"
Yes, dear" replied the lady little clustered.
as she contemplated her share OF the perform
ance. But, Mr. Spoopendyke, what shall I
do when get the net under him? ?"
Scalp him. retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke
drawing slowly on the line. Now wait, he's
there and Mr. Spoopendyke became even more
cautious in his movements. See him There
he is! Scalp him quick"
Mrs. Spoopendyke jabbed the net into the
water and swashed around with great yigor
what ye dolng' yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
Strengthening up and giaring at her as the crab
struck a line of Newark bay. ''What'd We think
had there. the bottom of the river2 what'd
We suppose ye was trying TO catch, a cl:arcL?
Take it out! Give 1t here," and he grasped tho
lady around the waist and took the net ava
from her.
Ibid | scalp him?" asked Mrs Spoopendyke
flushed with her exertions and trembling witt
excitement. "Show him to me. Let me SCI
what he looks like"
Looks like" roared Mr. Spoopendyke sHk
looks like Sandy Hook by this time. Why didn'
ye scalp him? What's the matter with you?"
IL couldn't tell which was his head" falv
tered Mrs. Spoopendyke, who hadn't seen anH
thing at all. Pull him up again. and you'll SCI
II don't scalp the last hair on his skulr"s
The English language lost its last charm foi
Mr.. Spoopendyke, and he turned 10 his strin6s
with whitening look of contempt for his win.
Now you be careful" he said at length.
Here's another yarmint and YOU mustn't let
him get away. When | say Scalp you shove
the net under him and just bring him aboard"
Can you see him YETI" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. waving the net over her head and peering
into the water.
''Wait, Yes there he Isl Careful remember
Now, scalpl!"
He must have been a crab Of phenomenal
scholastic advantages to have gotten rid of that
swoop. for Mrs. Spoopendy he. with view to NJ
deeming herself, went for the end OF the string
6llndly but with strength ofpurpose that made
failure impossible. She not only got the crab,
but she slammed net, crab and all over Mr.
Spoopendyke's head.
"What-wah-h,t" shrieked that gentleman an
he felt himself impounded.
Lost him again." exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, who hadn't THE remotest idea what crab
looked like why, dear, WHAT that awful big
spider in the net. Good gracious"
Take it or" howled Mr. Spoopendyke.
Take it-waw! the dod gasted thing has rot
me by the ear Haul him OF, will yes"
Mrs Spoopendyke dropped the handle Of the
net as if it were an old fashioned bonnet. aud
gazed upon her husband In CONSERVATION.
bod CAST the measly crab" yelled Mr. Spoop-
endyke, tearing the net away. LET 20, We
brute Wah-ha." and the unfortunate man
wrenched the fish from of his ear and dashed &c
in the bottom of the boat. whats your measy
scheme in doing that ?" he demanded. holding
his ear with one fist and shaking the other It
his wife. Think you've got TO eat 'em right
out OF the water? Got notion that he como
up cooked and you must down him quick or
he'll spoil ?" yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke, enraged
beyond all control by the sight Of the carnage
that tricked down his fingers. "what'd We
mean by it, and he sprang into the air and
alighted on the unhappy crab, slipping up and
sprawlng fun length in the bottom of the
boat.
"Was that a crab. dear ?" asked Mrs. spoop-
endyke, assisting her husband to arise and con-
templating the mangled fish with anything but
favor. lis that what you call q crab2 I
thought -"
'.You thought" ripped Mr. Spoopendyke,
kicking at the bewildered crab. !" That's the
trouble with you-you think, Did ye think I
was going to stand here and let that measly
crab chew on my ear till his legs ached1
P'raps ye thought he was whispering to met
May be ye thought he was telling me funny
story. Well, he wasn't, and If he was his voice
was so hoarse couldn't enjoy it! Ye Thought,
did ye!" squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke. his wrath
aAShS 90 euC pail ouu lcdI suUSlueO. 'InOuQU6
crab talked with his toes like some womoa
think. didn't vel Oh, you thought, If had
such head as that, I'd fit If up with shuck beds
and stick of gum and start a female boarding
school! With your ability to think, you only
need sQuint and four long words to be Con-
cord school Of philosophy" and Mr.. Spoopsn-
dyke plunged the oars into the water and began
to row vigorously.
Where are you going, dear?" asked Mn.
Spoopendyke timidly. after her husband had
pulled hard for some time
Home" grinned Mr.. Spoopendyke with Q
horrible expression Of visage. I'm going home
to show the people how much damage q rusta-
eating idiot asylum can do with one measlY
crab when she pins herself down to IT."
''Of course" assented Mrs. Spoopendyke hum
bly,, but say, dear. wouldn't you get ON faster
if you united the boat?"
Mr.. SpOopendyke turned and gave a sharp
glance at the bow. Then he hauled his hat down
over his ears, stepped ashore and struck out 6
q brisk walk.
81 don't know" sighed Mrs Spoopendyka.
as took her boat in tow; Il don't know, but
don't think care much for Grabbing thoua3
I'm not sure but what its more fun than walk
Ing home on the wrong side of the river with N
bridge within seven miles either way!"
Pole named Holm, living IN Chicago. has con-
eSSed TO the murder or ten new born children win
me consent OF his wife, and the burial OF the muir
Tered fnnocents along the lake.
FRANKLIN p. Hawkins and Lewis Minls, whflo
irving across the railroad at Bayview junction,