South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-05-26
WIT AND HUN1oR.
Ono Of lie most eloquen, and no,

about TO ascend the steps leading to his
church a few Sundays ago. was asked
by partially blind old lady, who did
mol recognize him, TO help her up the
steps. With his usual urbanity be com.
piled with her request. Jus. as ,hoy
reached the top steps she asked him who
was going to preach.
'ParsoE Smith, he replied, that being
his own name.
% Lord ! exclaimed the old lady
'Eclp me down again. I'd rather listen
to q man saving wood. Please help me
down again. don't care to 60 in
At frat the clergyman wGs inclined
TO refuse, but, on reflection, he gently
assisted her down the steps again, re-
marking as they reached the bottom
You are quite right. madam, about not
going into the church. wouldn', go in
either il was not paid for It, 4. +. s.,
in Haiper's Magazine.
A Methodist itinerant preacher
once breakfasted at homo where John.
ny cakes were served. Observing q
feather protruding from his cake lie re-
marked. Sister, your Johnny cake seems
to be ieathering OUT Yes responded
the lady, unabashed Il told John no
longer ago than yesterday that he must
either get cover for tue meal barrel
or move the hen.roost'
In certain Sunday-school in the
backwoods Of Pennsylvania the lesson
for the day was that describing tho pes
sage of the Israclite5 through tho Red
Sea. The superintendent, as is usual,
began asking QUESTION: relating to it,,
and, among others, propounded the fol-
loving:
What happened to the Egyptians
when they attempted to follow the Isra-
elites into the Red Sea ?
There was q short pause, when q little
fellow of fyo or SIX summers triumph,
antly exclaimed, They stuck in the
mud !
During the late war, man nsmo,i
West, in small gathering Of friends.
was urging upon their minds the impor-
lance of onIisting. Go, my brave
friends said he fight for your coun-
try, die for 1t if it be necessary, for it is
sweet to die for your native laad,'
But said enc, If 1t is sweet to die
for ones country, why don't you 60 p
This was poser. aud for moment
disconnected him; but ralIying, he de.
clared that he, as an individual, was not
fond Of sweet things.
LIGnT, NOT NoIsE.-Ono Of the mem
bers of the bar in Saratoga, who tho
roughly enjoys good joke. relates the
following, and applies tho moral 10
himself: lie was counsel in a case he.
fore judge Pratt, referee, and during
the progress Of the trial became q little
bit noisy, as he sometimes does, when
tine Judge looked up and said to him
Mr.. -, did you hear Of the man WHO
was lest in tho woods during thunder
storm p On being answered in tie neg.
alive, tie Judge continued: "A man,
In attempting to pass through a piece or
woods, lost his way, ard while le was
In thGt pTcdicament fearful thunder
storm came up. The woods grew aw-
fully dark. The roaring of the wind
and the crashing of the thunder were
terrific. The man was frightened and
started TO pray. but not being used 10
that business, said: oh, Lord. give
us little moro light, and s. iltls less
noisoF Il don't mean you Mr.. -
added the Judge, but tie audience sup.
posed ell the time that the Judge did
mean him, and nov that he thinks Of it
himself he inclinea TO that opinion also.
TIE THAMF's REWARD "A Western
newspaper draws on is Imagination for
tho following story:
IN ingenious tramp, thinking 10 wiring
tears and money assistance from The
stoniest hearts with new science. gave
it Oh experimental tlial in the North
End lie has decided not to patent TIC !
invention. lie told NORTH End LADY
Of his nm TYrfprotc ,o,ltt;o. 81 - f; |