Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-06-30
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F. U N
NATURAL HIsToRY.-"What sort of
bird this2''
This is an English sparrow. He can
not carry off lamb like the eagle, nor
is he provided with teeth and claws like
tiger, but he leaves his mark all the
same.
How did he get here?
A philanthropist brought him over from
England.
What is philanthropist ?
sHe is cross between lunatic and an
IDIOT
What did he want to bring the sparrow
to America for?
Because he hated the country and want
ed revenge. 1t wasn't enough for him
that we have smallpox, yellow fever, chol
era, droughts, cyclones, and forest fires and
grasshopper plaques.
What are the chief merits of the spar
row?
His beautiful voice and lovable nature.
His song is SO much sweeter than file
rasping over cast iron that the people have
died after hearing it.
How does he employ his time?
I'm screaming, fighting, voting early and
often.''
Where does he built his nest
In the cornice of houses. If he could
have the use Of 1000 trees rent free lie
would turn up his nose at the offer. He
couldn't damage a tree any, but he can
make it necessary to paint-a house about
every month.
Of what is the nest made ?
Of everything he can handle, except old
oyster cans and empty beer bottles.
Does the hard hearted citizen ever de-
stroy those nests?
He does. When his family clothes line or
crow bar, or long handle shovel is miss
ing be pulls down the nest and finds the
article.
''What does the sparrow do then?
''He rebuilds.
Can he be discouraged ?
If the nests was pulled down $4,000 or
10000 times he might commence to feel
downhearted, but those who have routed
him 500 or 900 times have not even seen
him change countenance.
What other birds does he agree with?
The buzzard and the polecat. He is too
proud to take up with every stranger that
comes along. He has driven away our
robins, blue birds, larks and chickadees,
flo l.o1 for
opening.
Would it be wicked to kill one of these
sparrows?
Awfully wicked. The philanthrepisJ
would raise such howl that the killer
would have to skip the country. Besides
you can't shoot them, they won't be pois-
oned, and no one ever trapped one. A
man down in Ohio thinks blow with a
barn door might fetch 'em, but 1t is as yet
an untried experiment.
That is all for this time. Let us low
lay away our books and sit On the steps
and listen to the raylshing melody of the
sparrow7s evening song-Detroit Free
Press
No TIME TO TELL A LIE.-Jesse G. had
the reputation of being the ''biggest liar''
i Georgia, and was never known to come
out behind One hot day Bill H. sat on
the shady side of his barn. After dinner
he saw Jess riding in great haste towards
town. Bill hailed him and went to the
gate. Jess asked him what he wanted
ssStop and tell US a big lie," said Bill mo
time for lying now,' said Jess. 'Your
Uncle Soil died suddenly an hour ago, and
am going for coroner and coffin. -
And On he went. Bill went to the house
and told his wife. She gathered up the
children. He hitched the horse to the
wagon, loaded in the family and posted off
four miles through the heat and dust to
Uncle Soils. On arriving he found the
family and tive nelghbors in the large
kitchen, Uncle Soil buried-to the eyes In
half big watermelon. The surprise was
mutual, and explanations followed
ssWell y said Bill, II asked Jess for big
lie, and not only got it but was fool enough
to believe it. Wouldn't believe him again
if knew he was dying"
SCENE-A small lawn on Seneca street
Time-noon. PersoDage-A parrot sun
ming itself on perch beside its cage door:
and strange dog wandering upon the
lawn. The parrot speaks first: ''Sick! sick!
sick him ~ The dog with ears and tail
erect, looks about for something upon
which to charge; he espies the parrot. and
an exciting scene ensues. From out the
confused mass Of dog hair and parrot
feathers comes the shrill cry, Sect out
DIN you, get out ~ Dog breaks for street.
Parrot-after looking at herself from head
to foot. grayely excIaims; "Polly, you talk
too much -