The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-11-29
COMIC COMMENTS.


"A point wen taiEen Many a self-n,nde
man would have done better by himself had
he let the contract ont to somebody else
Boston Transcript.
Electrical: at is hardly fair in you to
steal my thunder" as the cloud remarked to
the lightning-rod. q Oh, shall draw II
p,ild," the rod replied. Boston Transcript.
Cooked his own goose: "Arr. d., Il
you'll get my coat done by Saturday shall
be forever indebted to you" eff that's
your game it won't be DONE" said the tailor.
Anon.
-Fogg at the theatre: HIM" ejacu.
lated Fogg. $50 they say this play is taken
tor life? should say rather that the life is
taken from the play Boston Transcript.
Nautical: Isn't this cheese little
cid p asked the customer of the grocery
clerk " / don't know" answered the boy,
I'm only passenger here. You must ask
the skipper -LoaoeB Citizen
Didn't talk United States: Student,
fresh from college, to conductor: +" 1 wish
to get on the penultimate car" Conductor:
We have no peanut car; You can take the
smoker" -New York Ereniag Post.
] Musical: You are as full of airs as
music box" is what a young man said to a
/ girl who refused to let him see her home.
"That may be-" was the reply, but don't
/ go with crank Merton Republican.
Superstition: "Do you believe in
signs Z" asked the shopkeeper Wen, yes,
/ used to-" said Fogg, but since you placed
in the window, Selling for less than cost
have weakened considerably. - Boston
Transcript
| We'll taken: !" Is the point well takonsn
asked member of the convention. "Ge.
whillikens, yes ~ shouted member near by,
springing TO his feet. Some one had left n
pin with view to just such coincidence
Huntington Hapkeye
Theological reflection: Eyes, sab"
said brudder Johnsing, ''Ef de descendants
of de rooster what crowed at Peter was TO
make noise cherry time lie is told der
would be such noise in de world dat yer
couldn't heall de hens cackle. "-Anoa
| Our navy: Philadelphia mothers now
| tell their youngsters that if they are right
good little boys until the bi-centennial ceIe-
bration this fall they will take them down to
the river bank and let them play with the
United States navy.-Ihi2adel1lsia Neaos.
Hard-pan logic: Physician" And is
that all you ere going to give me-twenty
marks for forty visits 2" Miser--" should
| bs,1- hat
that if hadn't been sick you wouldn't have
had anything Flegende Blatter.
What he was suffering from: Poor
man," exclaimed the physician as he ap-
preached the patients bed, he seems to be
suffering from neuralgia" YOU'RE mis-
taken,n said the sick man. .'Her name isn't
neuralgy, it's Sophia, and we've only been
married six months. vi Brooklyn Eagle
Iconoclastic photography: The horse
has always been spoken of as the noble ami
NAL; but the instantaneous photographs
which have been made OF him threaten to
bring him into well-merited contempt You
can't respect an animal who looks like o
kangaroo with a broken back Boston
Transcript.
Granger statistics A prominent gran
ger from Onion Creek was in Austin recent
~. Desiring to obtain some reliable figures
about the oat crop we asked him if he could
tell us precisely how many acres he had in
oats and how many bushels he raised to the
acre. I" can't give you the precise figures,
but raised heap, sold right smart and I've
got powerful lot IT. Texas ,siftings.
Undoubtedly in: Els Mr. Vanderbilt
III ?" asked gentleman of person who
was lounging at the entrance of the officers
! apartments at the Grand Central Depot,
New York The latter regarded his inter-
rogator with q look of mingled pity and con.
tempt as he answered: Gin? Well, !
should say So Lake Shore stock was 9s
three weeks ago and now it's 49, He's in
about $500, 900 il he's in cent - Brook
I'm Eagt.
Correspondent answered: Edward
| Athelwald wants to know whit is meant
by the expression, damned with faint
praise" Well, Edward, when a gentle
hearted editor, dipping his pen in nectar,
says of the journalist OF the head of the op-
position sheet that sin point of editorial
ability and general intelligence he divides
honors with q Little Neck clam,n that, Ed
ward, is "damning him with faint praise"
Boston Times.
Civil service reform: "My son. said
fond New Haven mother, ~ shall expect
yon to save some of your pennies for the
missionary box. If not, you can have no
frecracker money for the Fourth. MY
dear ma" was the reply, II regard your
request in the light of political assessment
and am advised by the civil service reform
ring of the party not to heed it." He WINS
shut up in dark closet, from which the jam
jars had been carefully removed. Neu
Hacen Register.
Accuracy in journalism A Chicago
newspaper reporter who was walking along
the road in the neighborhood of Concord.
| over which the famous Jumbo had Just
/ passed, observed the footprints of the huge
animal in the mud and taking out his note.
| book entered the following memorandum OF
society item for the journal with which h.
was connected: at is understood thai
! Miss b., of st. Louis, who eloped fort
night ago, is making pedestrian tonr OF
New Hampshire. "-B Brooklyn Eagle.
Why he was Employed 81 say. sir,
do You want to hire boy, sir z" said 9
bright-looking little fellow, as he stepped
into business office. 'sWhat can you do
sir 2" was the respondent inquiry. 81 car
4 tell the truth, sir" was the bright reply.
Don't want you, my little man my bus.
ness can't stand truth-telling." ''Bette,
take the boy said bystander. 81 know
him. When he says he can tell the truth hi
lies like blazes. He can't do ii, nor hi
father before him couldn't either" b.,
engaged on modern business principals =