Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1882-10-27
The SpOOpendykes' Talk.
R4aoL.J,r,a EE0OJo

81 see that Mr.. Beecher has abandoned
the ministry and quit religion altogether,
observed Mrs. Spoopendyke, holding up
the pattern of polonaise and wonder
ing if it would come up high enough in
the neck. 81 suppose the poor man will
have to speculate in stocks or write jokes
for the Christy Ministries to make living
now, won't hep"
who's been lending you circus pos
ter this trip?' demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, springing up like a trunk lid
"What patent medicine label have you
been studying lately2 Who says he's
quit the ministry? He's only left the
Society Of Congregational Ministers be-
cause he doesn't believe exactly as they
do"
''That's what l said," argued Mrs.
Spoopendyke, laying the pattern on the
cloth and beginning to cut it out. 'He
disagreed with the Congregational re-
ligion, and said he guessed he'd go away
some where and let 'em have it to them
selves. 1 done know what Plymouth
Church will do without film, though"
IDOL" ripped Mr.. Spoopendyke, IDOL
it Will set rat trap and catch him again /!
What dye s'pose it will dor Got some
idea it will hire out as a cook, washer
and lroner; no objection to going short
distance in the country, haven't ye?
P'raps you think it will open as a hotell
Well, it won't, and it won't put on a
long shirt and short apron and go
bowling around as two legged lunatic
asylum, eitheri Don't tell We he has
only just quit the society of ministersY
Il didn't suppose they'd hurt him, :"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, scratching her
nose with the scissors and figuring out
the allowance for the same.
Hurt him !" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke,
''of course they hurt him They used
to lay him down and walk on him, and
they'd sit astride his stomach and play
euchre on his chin, till he swallowed the
joker, and then they fished for it with
umbrellas until they choked him. Don't
ye know the difference between a society
of ministers and a religion2 Can't We
distinguish between practicing preacher
and the church of God? He's quit the
ministers and not the church! Got a
tooth you can stow that idea in?"
''Well, of course, the man had right
to pick his associates, but l understood
you to say that he didn't agree with their
religion. If that's the case, they ought
to alter it, because man like Mr..
Beecher-"
"Alter itP demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, "how're they going to alter it2
around the bottom and patch On the
elbows like frock2 Imagine they can
make 1t straight up and down, or bell
crown, by ironing it out like stove pipe
hat2 It's The tenet of the church, the
basis of the faith, that he dissents from,
and as they won't change that he got
out. Does streak of intelligence begin
to dawn on you nowS Think you feel
an idea webbing around in your back
hajrf"
81 see" murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke.
''He Just abandoned religion and min
listers, but he sticks to his church.
understand it now"
"Oh, you understand It'll" howled Mr.,
Spoopendyke. you've got your claws
in at last All you want now is a row
among the faculty and gymnasium to
be a theological seminaryl He hasn't
abandoned religion He's only announced
that he don't believe certain parts of the
Congregational faithl Think your mind
is long and thin enough to penetrate
that2"
Certainly" returned Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. That's plain enough. He didn't
like some things they did, aud so he
concluded to leave those ministers to
their own devices But what is he going
to do for faith to keep Plymouth
Church goIng2"
Buy one !" snorted Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke. Hes going to get measured for
one and have it sent home, if the tailor