Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-12-13
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.


AN unknown quantity number
of years seen by spring chicken.
"BLooD will TELL" so be careful how
you make copfdants of your relations
Saturday Evening Gazette.
IT has been remarked that man who
says, 81 should smile," generally man
ages to do SO at another mans expense.
PARsoN (catechizing) "And what's
your duty toward your neighbor %
Sharp boy: "To keep your eye on i'm,
sir. "-Londo1a Punch.
A HINT to church members-If the
minister has bad children, make his
Christmas slippers double soled. Phil
0deEOhi0 ChrOn5cle- Herald.
The Englishman who said that liquor
had been the horrid-gin of all his
troubles, has been spirited away, as he
richly deserves to have been.
The stage driver, in describing the
steepness of certain Vermont noun
tain, said that "cbain litenin' couldn't
go down it without breechin' on"
A FRESH young clergyman of the west
describes the United States as "a
country bounded on the north by an ice
berg and On the south by a banana"
GIVE the little girl. something pretty
and nice, that she can keep a long time.
Give the boy something he can eat
quick or make a noise with.-New Or
leans Pjc0ylt7ae.
The worst about kissing a Pittsburgh
girl is that you carry the marks Of coal
dust about your nose and other features
until you reach the nearest pump.-Batr-
ti1gtOra H0e0keye.
CHRISTMAS poem by our picked poet
--Pater familias, daughter; Lamb to the
slaughter; sealskin he bought 'er:
He did what he ought-er. Sing NeU
York Commercial.
1T is no wonder that Englishmen grow
SO stout. They have been known, in
individual cases, to gain over thirty
pounds in one week-betting on horse
races.-Neu Orleans Picoyu,ae.
An intelligent farmer being asked if
bis horses were well matched, replied:
Yes, they are matched frst-rate; one
Of them is willing to do all the work, and
the other is willing that he should"
Why did Leander swim the Helles-
pont?" asks 'FYoung Student" Be
cause, my dear boy, it was too deep to
wade. Swimmeth ever a man across a
six-inch rivulet Brooklyn Eagle.
IT was written: ''Good for nervous
ness is characteristic of celery; y but
the intelligent compositor rendered it,
Good fornothingness is characteris-
tic of the clergy. > Christian al. Work.
Mr.. J. S. Fl. GREGORY says that an
acre of land may contain SIX tons of
worms. So it may; but if Mr.. Gregory
ever tried to dig box of bait on ten
minutes notice of an invitation to go
fishing in dry time, he knows it don't.
-LoaCeU Courier.
The young men converse: s'What are
you going to give your girl this Christ
mas, George? Don't you find it rather
hard to select anything appropriated"
sob, no; that don't trouble me. [ shall
give a few things my last girl sent back
to me. "-L0WeU Citizen.
Now the young man thinks to himself:
GA few. weeks hence [ will knock off
smoking for a year" And his sweet
heart sends him chamois- tobacco
pouch, with his initials worked on it
with red worsted, and he fills it up,
and all his good resolutions end in
smoke.
RUSSIA is to have telescope that will
''bring the moon within ia miles of
US. When pale Luna gets that near to
the earth, man can't go home from
festive occasion at late hour without
ducking his head every few steps, in
order to avoid humping it against the
heavenly body.-Norrjstoa0n Herald.
IT was all mistake. A gentleman
called to learn something from the files,
and as he wasn't having very good luck,
we called reporter and told him to help
the man out. We were as much sur
prised as anybody when the reporter
tackled him and threw him down stairs.
Boston Post.
A SCIENTIST says: ''The paleozoic
cockroaches are distinguished from Iiv-
ing species by having five veins in the
wing instead of four and shave a de-
cided mesozoie aspect" This is highly
important; but woman when she sees
one of these insects, will not care
whether it has five or fifteen veins In the
wing. She will give a scream, draw her
skirts tightly about her, and give the
bug such violent rap with an old shoe
that it will have more of a mashed than
a mesozoic ect.-Norr&stoaUaa Herald.
SOME children are singularly dull at
the very moment when they are expected
to make the best showing. A nurse In
a pious family who took occasion TO put
her little charge through a sort of cate
chism every night. called in her mother
on one occasion to let her see how nice
her pupil was getting along 'Come,
now, darling" she said, ''who is it that
you love better than father or mother,
or brother or sister-better than all the
world put together" With look of in
nocence that might have been borrowed
from the angels, the Christian cherub
responded "Pie. "-Brookzyn Eagle.
The New York Times advises a
" clearinghouse for Christmas presents.
on the basis of each person givingto the
others what he wants himself A man
gives his wife box of cigars, and one
of his wife's sisters d meerschaum pipe,
another sister an overcoat. His wife
gives him a new bonnet, one of her sis
tiers diamond ring and the other SEAL
skin coat, etc., etc. After Christmas