The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-02-03
MISCELLANEOUS.

MISCELLANEOUS.
1t is said every man thinks himself
able to edit newspaper, and the less he
knows about it the more he thinks he
can do it.
Concerning the campaign in favor
of an Englishman's marrying his de-
ceased wife's sister, the Boston Tran
script wishes to know why Englishmen
do not mary the sister in the first place.
AN Ohio girl sued man for breach
OF promise, and proved himself such q
scoundrel that the jury decided that she
ought to pay him something for not mar
rying her.-Aodern Argo.
Prof. Phelps says that clergymen
weep to conceal the thin points. OF their
sermons, just as lawyers 60 into the pa
thetic to save . horse thief who was
found a-saddle of the stolen animal.
| "A New York fireman threw a satchel
containing $4,000 in bonds out of
window, and it kicked around for six
hours before its owner found it. Some
folks don't know when they have a good
thing.
-s.Is this my train?'' asked o traveller
at the Grand Central depot, of lounger
II don't know was the reply; II see it's
got the name of some railroad company
on the side and expect it belongs to
them. Have you lost train anywhere?"
Rev. Mr.. Talmage has found a man
who wanted to borrow fifteen dollars to
relieve his distress, but refused to accept
enough money to open a news stand be-
cause the business was beneath him! 1t
seem that beggars are choosers in these
days.
The dead-bell of the New York City
hospital has been solemnly tolled by I'M
seen hands for the last few weeks when
ever a patient died. Everybody began
to be superstitions about it, until it was
discovered that it tolled when patients
didn't die and that the rats were run
ming over the wires.
The Boston Traveller relates that
young infant in that city having been
presented with handsome basket bear
ing the words, Welcome. Little Stran-
GER" in green and gold, the Irish nurse
protested against the form of the saluta-
ton, contending that ''for sure that was
wrong, for the baby is not a stranger.
but one of the family.
"A Rochester doctor has earned q
private box in the opera house there, for
the rest of his life, because his patient,
the builder and owner, although sick,
did not die, but saw the completion of
his opera house. This is reversing the
order of things. It's more apt to be the
doctors who confer private boxes upon
their patients. Free Press.
Cleveland is ahead of all the cities
in electric illumination. A mast 260 feet
high has been erected in the public
square, supplied with four electric lights
having an illuminating power of 10000
candles. This will light an area half
mile in diameter. 1t is strange that the
people of Rhode Island do not light up
their State with a mast like that.-M
o. Picayune.
Two women called on . Maine dem
fist simultaneously, one to have all her
teeth extracted, the other only one.
The dentist mistakenly put the latter un-
der the influence of ether, and rendered
her toothless. Those who saw her, when
she came to realize it, says the lion and
tiger are incapable of ferocity. The
dentist wonders why in the name of all
that's good he was born, anyway, and
is anxious to learn when it will be safe
for him to come out of the swampy.
The other woman thinks the whole affair
very funny.-Boston Post
"A shrewd little female scamp in St.
Louis collected about fifty dollars dur
ing the holidays from benevolent per-
sons in the following manner: She
would get into horse-car, pay her
fare ride long distance, and then tell
the conductor to let her out at
a street remote from the point where
the car then was. "Why, you are on
the wrong car, three or four miles from
where you want to CO." the conductor
would answer. Thereupon the little
shivering wretch would begin to cry Bit
terly, and the other passengers, aglow
with seasonable kindness, would take up
a collection for her benefit.
"A remarkable exhibition of tranquil.
lily under acute suffering and generally
disheartening circumstances was fur
nished by Mr.. C. X. Tbbitts, of Boston,
q victim Of the accident on the Boston &
Maine Railroad last Monday. He was
found by reporter, soon after the disasc
ter, in . farmhouse kitchen near the
wreck, propped up in two chairs, with
his head against the wan. One leg was
badly crushed, his right arm was disa-
bled, and his head was so thickly bound
with linen that his mouth and one eve
were the only features visible; but the
philosopher was smoking cigar, and
evidently enjoyed it. He could not speak
aloud, but he huskily whispered that
there was no use in crying when he could
just as well laugh.
A Touch Of Nature.
Your child is very sick" said the