Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-08-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
The original land league-thre'
miles.-Free Press.
Does the night mail 60 by the bee
post Free Press.
The law can never make q man
honest, it can only make him very
uncomfortable when he is dishonest
Elk.
"Raindrops on the roof" OF course
it drops on the roof. That's what the
roof is for.-Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
It's ebery nigger's duty ter be bap-
tized. Even if he amt got the faith,
de water'll do him good.-Arkansas
Traveller.
There are many more fools in the
world than there are knaves, other
wise the knaves could not exist
Bulwer Lytton.
The ubiquitous sign, "Post no Bills, "
has never deferred ones tailor from
firing his missives at you through the
mails.-Free Press.
A man may like to stand Oh the
pinnacle of fame, but he does not
care to sit down on the first of it.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Julia Ward Howe says women do
not fall in love any more. Perhaps
not, but they continue to have all the
symptoms.-Boston Post.
A fish has been caught having
eight jaws, at Santa Monica, Cal.
Scientists pronounce it a variety of
what is known as the mother-in-law
fish.-Ex. r1
When man prefaces his CONVEX
sation with, "Now, know this isn't
any of my business" you may be
pretty sure that it isn't.-Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
California editors use $50 gold
pieces for paper weights. But New
Jersey editors simply use the nuggets
which grow in the back yard.-Jer-
scy Uity journal.
AN exchange says: "Put oatmeal
in your ice water" Well, we have
heard it called various names before,
but we must confess that oatmeal"
is new to us.-Courier.
Travelling on Mississippi steam
boat is apt to make even the hum
blest vain. When the boiler explodes
all the passengers are uplifted.-Phil-
adelphia Chronicle-Herald.
The men of Tarshish could not have
made much out of the voyage in
which Jonah accompanied them, for
they were obliged to throw the proph-
ct overboard.-Boston Courier.
-----------------
Over in New York they are calling
Sullivan and "Tug" Wilson the light
ming pugilists because they do not
strike twice in the same place-the
police authorities will not allow them.
-Ex.
"My DEAR" said husband to his
wife, "what kind of stone do you
think they will give me when am
gomez" She answered coolly, "It
might be birthstone, John."-Fugi-
tive Fun.
An Iowa editor advertised liver
pads to the amount of $3.50 and took
it all out in pads. Then he was mad
because his hired girl wouldn't take
twenty eight of them for two months
services.
A reader asks. "Can you briefly
state the cause of the Egyptian war? p
We can. 1t is caused by England's
attempt to change Arab Bey into
Arab Obey.-Philadelphia Chron-
icle-Herald.
Archbishop Whately was one day
asked if he rose early. He replied
that once he did, but he was so proud
all the morning, and SO sleepy all the
afternoon, that he determined never
to do it again.-Ex.
A Jersey milkman turned pale
when several of his customers clubbed
together and made him a present of
a scarf pin in the shape of pump.
1t was a cow-herdly act.-N. Y. Com
mercial Advertiser.
A Goldfish was recently caught on
Georges, and inside him was found a
wallet containing horse car ticket.
AS the ticket had been punched it
was of course of no further use to the
fish.-Rockland Courier.