Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1882-10-11
MY sole, be on thy guard!
Banana-peels abound;
The sidewalks very hard,
And very hard the ground.

-bO6tO9 transcript.
MISSOURI papers claim that the hogs
are SO fat in that state that in order to
find out where their heads are it is
necessary to make them squal and Judge
by the sound.
BRowN-" you say, sir, that
could lie as fast as horse could trott o.
Frogg-"No, sir; simply said that few
horses could trot as fast as you can lie. ~
Brown"
"Some cursed scoundrel tucked q
plugged half-dollar off on me, " he said.
"Can't you pass it ?" asked his friend.
"Well, [ don't know" he said, "but
you bet shall try" -Boston Post.
One of the Egyptian pashas is strug.
Cling through this wilderness of sin and
sorrow With the euphonious name OF
Kussid. What power he would be
to dam the Suez Canal IN. Y. i'd
Uertlser.
IT looked very gloomy Monday morn
ing. The sky was heavy overcast and a
mist was falling, the air was chill. But
before noon an organ-grinder appeared.
How much we doubt, how little we trust.
-Danbewy Ne,cs.
A NEWPORT snob recently went row.
ing with small poodle. The boat cap
sized, the snob was drowned, and the
poodle swan ashore; and we are longing
to know if this is case of the survival
1.-THE fittest.-Teras Oddities.
II say" said Smarty to Stiffy at the
club last night, "of what material should
the dress be made of the young girl who
enters a convent?" Stify didn't know.
"Why," said Smarty, "it should be of
nuns yelling, cut in pious folds"
"VT, my tear poy," he said at Long
Branch yesterday, "dare ish no blaze
like der seasides in Septober; der air ish
fne like silk und der prizes at der poard-
ing houses ish Sleeper dan living at
home, so dare"-NeeO York Express.
A LITTLE boy, whose parents are al
ways moving from one house to another,
was askedrecently by the Sunday school
teacher, "Why did the Israelites move
out of Egypt" and promptly replied,
"Because they couldn't pay their rent. -
"HUxLEY says "there was q time
when men walked Oh all fours." He
probably alludes to that interesting
time in the early life of us all when we
approached a neighbours melon patch
from the back way.-Deacon Richard
Smith.
The Norristown Herald man got off
the following the other day and as he
has not been seen since foul play is sus-
pected: "There is four-footed fish in
Mexico called 'axoloti, and if you want
to know any more about it, axoloti ques-
TONS"
A WITHDRAWING person gives hints
telling ''How to live on seventy-fve
cents week" We shall continue to
live OF eighty cents week if we have to
run in debt. There is such thing as
being too economical Norristo,v
Herald.
$50 you were with my poor husband
when he died, we're you ?" eyes,
madam, was with him. I gave him q
drink of water just before he died."
"Did he take the water?" eyes,"
''Then he was not my husband" -Ilti-
mois Paper.
The signal service is now ready to an
nounce the approach of cyclones over six
hours in advance. This will give the
farmer who hears of it time to 20 and
sell his stock and tools and other prop
erty to the man who doesn't know what's
coming. -Boston Post.
-Paterfamilias: II see it
says here, my dear, that the household
troops haven't been abroad on service
since the battle of Waterloo!" Our
Cook: "Lawk, mum! What shame
for gov ment to send them poor old men
out to the wars again!'-
1oor ckouX Ao1l &c
terrain minister who had become mixed
up in land speculations. On entering
his pulpit recently he announced to his
congregation, at the opening of divine
services, that the text would be found
in est. Paul's Epistle to the Mluneso-
tians, Section 4, Range West"
A MAN in Iowa has invented new
festeniog for horse-collars. It is lucky
that the horses collar does not fasten to
button in the back of his shirt, be-
cause if it did, Judging from human OK.
perience. when it few off after he had
broken his thumb-nai trying to crowd
it into a new buttonhole, he would just
kick the stufing out of anything he was
hitched to, even if it was freight.car,
Boston Bulletin.
AN exchange says: "Mr. 4. II.
Boyd has paper on the advantages of
dying in the September number of
Frazer's Magazine" If there are any
advantages to be derived from dying in
the September number of the magazine
named the public would like to know
what they are. It will be hard to con-
vince some folks that it lis more ad.
vantageous to die in the September
number OF Frazer's Magazine than to die
in bed. -Nofristo,os Herald.
6 A SUBSCRIBERS calls attention to
the fact that in q recent issue of the
STANDARD, in the state items, it was an