davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
Rare Chance for a President.

One Puga of Chota is the latest pest
Of Peru, of which unfortunate country
he styles himself, by proclamation, the
supreme chief. His claim to this title
is based on seizing cargo of arms and
ammunition intended for Montero, the
SO called Provisional President. With
these he armed twelve hundred fol-
lowers, which was larger armed force
than Montero had in that region, and
accordingly he felt justified in proclaim
ing the latter an upstart and pretender.
In Peru anybody who can buy or steal
enough guns and cartridges to supply a
regiment, finds enough men to carry
them, for the sake of the forced loans
they can levy from the towns, and may
proclaim himself President. 1t might
be thought that to be ruler of Peru is
one of the least tempting Of the objects
now held out to the human ambition
yet no country on the globe has had
more aspirants to its control during the
last twelve months.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
Mr.. Parnell's Views.

La France publishes an account oil
an interview its London correspondent
held with Mr.. Parnen before the Dew
Repression act was introduced. In this
interview Mr.. Parnell distinctly imputes
the assassination of Lord Frederick
Cavendish and Mr.. Burke to the
Fenians. "However, the responsible
ity," he Is reported to have said textu-
ally, "must not be attributed to the
whole association. 1t mas numerous
branches possessing great independ-
ence. It may be, indeed I am inclined
to think it is, one of these branches,
composed of fanatics, which prepared
and carried out the assassination.
Further on Mr.. Parnell makes the
astounding statement that since the
adoption of conciliatory policy by the
government the Land League has with
drawn the mo rent" manifesto, but
have not thought it necessary to make
public the fact by new manifesto.
'We have simply sent word round to
our friends" he says, ''that the mot
d'ordre has been changed. Moreover,
it was being disregarded. Many of the
farmers were paying their rent.
Further on he says that he still be-
lieves that the English government are
well able to rule by moderation, and he
concludes by declaring that ne desires
the formation of a British confederation,
with supreme parliament and local
parliaments for England, Ireland and
the other parties to the confederation.
This interview has been read with no
little amusement by the Irish national
lists in Paris
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
English Women of To-Day.

Speaking of English women, Lon
don correspondent of the Boston Herald
says:-"They are, as general thing,
big headed, iowly creatures, who do not
require the addition of hair to give their
faces size. They have round necks and
plump shoulders almost invariably, but
their arms are for the most part very
masculine in appearance. That is to
say, they are lean and long, thin above
the elbows, big just below the joints,
and shaped generally with more indica-
tions of sinew than grace. AS conse-
quence, one sees very few arms actually
barred, even in the proper theatrical
costumes. They are generally covered
with lace of some kind, mostly black,
and always very thick. Hands and feet
in England are constructed with a
liberal regard for the raw material that
is quite pleasing to observe.
81 never saw such extremities IN my
life. especially on the women; and, as
if to purposely aggravate this condition,
there are no shoes that properly fit then
female wearers. Mems boots and shoes
can be had in almost any style here,
but have yet to see well-shod woman
in London. The foot gear is that Of
atrocious loose-in-the-heel description
which makes its wearers wabble arounc
as they walk in peculiarly distressing
way. Paint and powder are used IL
New York they are lavished here.
don't know who first started the tall
about fair English comploxions. Wo
men with clear skin are not one-half Sc
plentiful here as they are in America
I have not seen dozen really pretty
natural compilations since I arrived Oh
this side of the water. But L have scel
an amount of makeup tEat L woui'
not have believed had it existence II
actual use the world over. Seven
eighths of the women one meets IN ar,
part of London are chalked and rouge
till you can't tell whether they are yeI
low or white in their natural state.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
The Little Shoes Did lit.
A young man who had been reclaimed

A young man who had been reclaimed
from the vice of intemperance was
called upon to tell how he was led to
give up drinking. He arose, but looked
for moment very confused. All he
could say was: "The little shoes, they
did it?" With thick voice, SIS if his
heart was in his throat, he kept repeat
ing this. There was stare of per-
plexity on every face, and at length
some thoughtless young people began
to litter. The man, in all his en-
barrassment, heard the sound, and
rallied at once. The light came into
his eyes with flash; he drew himself
up and the choking vent from his throat,
eyes, friends" hesaid, in voice that
cut its way clear IS deep toned bell.
whatever you maythink of it I've told
you the truth-the little shoes did it,
I was brute and afool strong drink
had made me both, md starved me into
the bargain. l suffsred-I deserved to
suffer; but did not suffer alone-no
man does who has awife and children
for the women get the worst share.
But I am no speakerto enlarge on that
I'll stick to the little shoes l saw one
| night when 1 was all but done for
the saloon-keeper's child holding out
her feet to her father to look at her fine,
new shoes. 1t was simple thing, but,
my friends, no fist ever struck me such
a blow as those little, new shoes. They
kicked reason into me. What reason
had 1 to clothe Others with fneries, and
provide not even coarse clothing for my
own, but let them gobare? And there
outside was my shiverng wife, and blue,
chilled child, on bitter cold Christmas
eve. took hold of my little one with
a grip, and saw her feet Men fathers
if the little shoes smote me, how must
the feet have smote me? put them,
cold as ice, to my breast; and they.
pierced me through. Yes, the little
feet walked right into my heart, and
away walked my selfishness. L had a
triae Of money left; ] bought loaf of
bread and then a pair of shoes. I never
tasted anything but bit of bread all
the next day; and I went to work like
mad on Monday, and from that day 1
have spent no more money at the public
house. That's all I have got to say-it
was the little shoes that did it. "
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
CONUNDRUNTS.

WHAT trade is more than full p Fuller
WHAT tune makes everybody glad p
Fortune.
WHAT garden crop would save drain
ing ?-Leeks.
WHEN is sailor not sailor 2-When
he is a-loft.
SPELL an interrogation with r ) let
ter P-(Why).
WHAT is the keynote to good breed
ing ?-3 natural.
WHEN is o man like frozen rain p
When he is hail (hale).
DESCRIBE a suit of old clothes In two
letters PC d (seedy).
WHAT tree is of the greatest Importance
in history ?-The date.
WHAT pen ought never to be used for
writing PA sheep-pen.
WHAT city is drawn more frequently
than any other Cork.
WHEN is lady's arm not lady's arm
When it's a little bare (bear).
WHEN does donkey weigh the least 7
When he is within the pound.
WHEN does COW become real estate I
When she is turned into field.
WHY is a fish-hook like the letter fs
Because 1t will make an eel feel.
WHAT relation is the door-mat to the
soraper PA stepfather tarther).
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
His Wife,s signature.

The Cincinnati Goeette tells this
funny story: A few days since we'll
dressed young man entered an express
Office in this city and said to the oblig-
ing money clerk, Mr.. John Clark, that
he wished to send some money to his
wife that she lived in Boston in fat,
and that her mail being sometimes
tampered with, he would like to know
how to send it so that it would he ab-
solutely safe. Mr.. Clark replied by
showing him the "advice card y" they
use in connection with orders, On which
is clause stating that if the sender of
the money has in his possession sig
nature of the payee, and will paste it on
the card, the persons calling for the
money can identify themselves by dupli-
eating the signature.
The gentleman replied that he had
lots of them, and putting his hand in
his pocket brought out a bundle of
letters. After examining several in
succession, broad smile spread over
his countenance, and with half doubt
full expression he said, care you a
married man ?" Mr.. Clark answered
that he was. "Well, them" said he,
"look at this" handing over one of the
letters. Mr.. Clark looked and found
the cause of the young mans amuse-
ment to be that the letter was signed
not with his wife's name, but with the
endearing substitute, "Your ootsey
tootsey," and it turned out that they
all were SO. Mr.. Clark then said, "Well,
cut one of them off, and the agent will
cause her to duplicate it. The gentle
man, after some hesitation, agreed, re-
marking, "I'l do it, but when 1 get
home I will expect some lively hair
pulling"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
The Man on the Veranda.

Up on Park street the other evening
the boys fixed up straw man in an old
suit and placed him on veranda in the
melancholy twilight. Ee hadn't been in
position above ten minutes when along
came a specimen who had been blasted
out of the lower stratum of life, and he
leaned his elbows on the fence and
called out
"Good evening, mister. It this the
place where they wanted the back yard
cleaned out p
The straw man made no reply.
81 think this is the place." continued
the other. 81 was speaking to the lady
and she said as how I was TO call this
evening for ten cents, being as she
pitied my misfortunes.
The straw man was silent.
(Which was very kind of her indeed,
because am powerfully broken down.
1 may be wrong, but dunno. I'll be
on hand early in the morning. allus
likes to keep my word, you knowr'
If the straw man knew he didn't
let on.
eyes, she said she felt for me, and
she said I must be sure to call for the
ten cents. Being as you are her hus-
band presume you might hand me the
money yourself p
Still no response.
"In which case my gratitude would
be eternal, you know? Cast thy bread
upon the waters and it shall return fifty
per cent, or some such thing. You
couldn't make it quarter, could you
That would be a cast worth casting, you
know. The profit on that after many
days would be half dollar, you see ?"
It is doubtful if the man saw.
"Being as I'm in a little hurry, and
being as [ haven't had anything to eat
in several days, perhaps it would be
we'll to close this transaction at once.
If you wanted to make it half dollar
instead of a quarter, why I"
Just then potato ticked the wayworn
travellers ear, and another raised his hat
several inches. He bounded to the GEN.
ter of the street like cat, wheeled
around, and peering through the dark
ness called out:
"Mister, three minutes ago looked
upon you as great statesman, but
man which will heave rocks instead of
arguing the question hain't fit to
run a yaller dog convention ! Good
night, sir If you have that ERE back
yard cleaned it'll be after you have
apologized for this uncalled for attempt
ed assassination l''-Detroit Free Press.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
The Parable Of the Pumpkin.

The story is told of an excellent
American minister who, happening one
day to pass by the open door of room
where his daughters and some other
young friends were assembled, thought,
from what he overheard, that they were
making too free with the character of
their neighbors and after their visitors
had departed he gave his children a
lecture on the sinfulness of scandal.
They answered: "But, father, what
shall we talk about ?" eff you can't do
anything eIse," replied he, ''get
pumpkin and roll it about; that will be at
least innocent diversion" Ashort time
after, an association of ministers met at
his house, and during the evening some
discussions on points of doctrine were
earnest, and their voices were SO loud
as to indicate the danger of losing their
Christian temper; when the eldest
daughter, overhearing them, procured
pumpkin and, entering the room, gave
it to her father, said: 'There, father,
roll it about" The minister was OBJ
liged to explain to his brethren, and
good humor was instantly restored.-
l{etLO6iSt
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
A Bit of Advice.

The Boston Journal says: A SUD-
scriber writes us from an interior CITY
wishing us to give him an opinion re-
parding the future of the stock Market.
If he had asked us something about the
future of the North Pole, or something
about a future life, it would have been
an easier task. There is not broker In
Boston who knows anything about the
stock market twenty four hours ahead
of time. We would inform our friend
that the Boston market is controlled by
Wall street, and Jay Gould, Russell
Sage, w. II. Vanderbilt and half dozen
others can put the market up or down
whenever they see fit. If our inquirer
has any money which he is proposing to
salt down, we advise him to keep it In
his legitimate business, buy his own
notes, if he has any out, or put it into
sound dividend-paying securities, re-
cardless of the rate of interest,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
A Burst of Confidence.

A suit for separate m maintenance, tried
in the Supreme Court of New York
City, brings up question of consider
able and novel interest to persons con-
templating marriage. The suit was
brought by Mrs. Julia Rail against her
husband, on the ground of abandon
ment. Mr.. Rail seems to have taken
every precaution to secure a happy
home, for, in anticipation of marriage,
he informed his wife, "in burst of
confidence" that he had taken a solemn
| VOW never to strike woman, however
strong provocation- he might receive.
With woman's natural curiosity, Mrs.
Rail, on marriage, proceeded to use
| every effort to ascertain how binding
her husband regarded the obligation OF
his vow. She began, according to her
husbands evidence, by locking him up
in his room, and preventing him from
going out at night or on holidays.
When New Years day came, all he
was allowed to do was to sit at a window
and look at the young men outside
"going merrily to make calls''-a sight
which to young man who is really font
of making New Years calls must render
such treatment doubly hard to endure
At other times she tested his vows by
kicking him, and finding that this die
not alter his resolution, she "butted
him with her head. At one period h'
was advised to treat his wife with "in
difference" in order to revive her affec
ton for him, but she overcame his indif
ference by striking him and causing hin
to flee, When an affectionate and sub
missive husband observes his vows 0
docllity and obedience through sucl
temptations as these, it seems rathe
hard that his d" fleeing ".shouid be re
garded as voluntary abandonment
Mr.. Rahl's testimony seems to presen
what lawyers call cdsuS on'ass,'s In tn
law of husband and wife.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
A Farmers View of Fertilizers.

That the results from commercial fer
tilizers are often unsatisfactory is well
known in every district where they have
been much used, and as compared with
the plan of plowing in green crops, es-
peciaily clover, or with the use of barn
yard manure, the commercial fertilizers
might be classed as unreliable; for they
occasionally fail to show any benefit,
while the effect of the others is always
apparent. But owing to the fact that in
some seasons, on some soils, with some
crops, by some ways of application,
some of the results are very satisfactory
while others are not, the easiest and
most common way of accounting for the
difference will be to charge it to the diff
fcrent brands or kinds of fertilizers
used. Instead of that 1 believe it IS
oftener chargeable to their not being
used iudiciously. The various kinds
offered for sale are probably about as
near what they are represented to be as
to quality and reliability as the average
of commodities in our markets. I have
used phosphate and other fertilizers
when l thought their application quite
profitable, but then I would not recon-
mend their use except as a last resort,
after improving every opportunity of
growing and plowing under clover and
other green crops, besides applying all
the manure that could reasonably be
obtained for the land. It has been
asked if the application of salt would
be good on worn-out sandy soil. be-
lieve that the use of few bushels to the
acre on either poor or rich lands often
shows good results, from the chemical
agency in the soil, but doubt its adding
much by way of its fertilizing qualities.
Henry ICES, Genesee Co., NJ Y.
INFORMATION ABOUT SILos.--A great
deal of information about silos has been
given from time to time in these col
umns. The general opinion of people
who have practiced the system for some
time is that it is very profitable, mas
much as it enables one to keep two COWS
the entire year upon the produce of one
acre of ground at no more expense for
the feed than is oceasioned by ordinary
crops. The result, in fact, is that there
is great economy in land. The size of
the silo may be estimated by allowing
one cubic foot of capacity for one cows
feed for one day, thus $50 cubic feet
would be required for a years supply if
the COW is fed wholly upon ensilage.
This is equal to space in a silo II feet
wide and 10 feet deep if feet in length.
For 10 COWS silo 80 feet long II feet
wide and 10 feet deep would be required;
if it could be filed twice it would hold
enough for 20 COWS. A concrete or
stone wall well cemented on the inside
s the cheapest silo; the ground should
be dry and free from water.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
A Contingent Fee.

A citizen had occasion to consult
lawyer regarding suit which he con-
tenn plated instituting, but of the definite
outcome of which he was in doubt. He
did not wish TO pay retaining fee, be-
cause he was uncertain of winning. The
attorney said he would accept contin-
gent fee. The party met Mr.. Burleigh
some time afterward, and asked him the
definition of contingent fee. ga con-
tingent fee," iocosely said Mr.. Burleigh,
SIS this: If lawyer loses the case he
gets nothing. If he wins you get moth
ing" "But," said the perplexed party,
scratching his head, II can't say that
I exactly comprehend you" 81 thought
I was quite clear" said Mr.. Burleigh,
who repeated what he had said. 'But
it seems that I don't get anything II
either event" said the man. when hi
intellect had fully grasped the situation
swell, that is about the size OF con
tingent fee" replied Mr.. Burleigh, ter
minating the conversation.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
A Change.

The GiIboa (Schoharie county, Mont
tor says:-Thirty years ago there lived
in the -wilds of Shandaken, Ulster
county, two bright little boys. An uncle
of these two boys, jolly, kind-hearted
Irishman, was living at this place, and
although poor man, he thought it
would be fine thing to give the boys
an education, and acting upon his gen.
erous idea the boys were brought to this
village aud placed in the Gilboa IN. Y. }
Academy, under the instruction of the
Rev. G. Bogardus, where they learned
their first lesson in sohool-books. To.
day that uncle is an aged pauper in the
Ulster County Poor house, while one OF
the boys is none other than a noted
California millionaire, whose wife spends
millions of money in Paris.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
Paint and Powder

Mile. Rhea talked to Boston Herald
reporter in a manner uncommon to
actresses. She did not say that the
city she was then in was the finest she
had seen in America, but expressed a
preference for Washington and she
had found nothing here at all equal to
Paris. She likes American audiences,
now that she has become accustomed
to them. "They seemed strange to me
at first" she explained, ''and missed
the outbursts had become accustomed
to. But soon learned to know your
audiences better. They are just as
appreciative, but not so.demonstrative:
that is ALL think, however, the actors
would enjoy little more noise. Ap-
pIause always inspires me, and believe
it is so with every one on the stage.
She Admires our women greatly, and
their style of dressing; but she con-
demns their free use of paint and pow
der, of which she never uses any of the
stage
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01

A CLOSE GALA Mexican whose
popularity among his neighoors IN
Texas, where he has been solournng,
had been seriously impaired by his IN
diligence in the unsocial pastime OF
horse-stealing was recently hanged by
the neck from convenient tree. but
his neighbors forgot to tie his hands
bebind his back, and when they were
ont Of sight he reached up and grasped
the rope, thus relieving the STRAIN pna npon
his neck. Not being able to release
himself, he remained in this unoo%, m,
fortable though improved situation all
night. and the next day was cut down
Inv merciful Samaritan who happened
| to be passing.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
In the Sleeper.

As the train was about to leave the
Union Depot, in Detroit, for the east
the other night, the Free Press says, a
man with a satchel said he'd heard a
heap about them sleeping cars, )" and
he guessed he'd try one once. Max
ing the necessary arrangements, he
was admitted to the car, and soon set
tied himself into seat. Before reach
ing Trenton he was asleep, feet on the
opposite cushion, and his satchel for a
pillow. The porter finally got ready to
make his bed and gave him shake to
arouse him.
who in blazes be you?' growled
the man as he opened his eyes.
"De porter, sah."
"You are, ehl Well, now, you look
here I never saw you before, and
never shall again, but 1 want you to
understand that I'm no chicken. Ipaid
50 for the privilege of sleeping in this
car, and just as 1 get into my first
snooze along you come to wake me up
If you want chaw of tobacco or q
match you can have it, but don't break
in on my dreams again II you want to
be alive when we get to Buffalo When
[ buy certain rights I'm going to have
'em or bust ?"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01
THE REASON WHY.

Tho she hath not Diana's grace,
Nor Aphrodite's perfect face
And golden hair,
She is dearer unto me
Than another e'er could be,
And more fair.
SIS she rich, then?" Oh dear, no,
But have enough, trow,
For US two.
"What do l love her for ?" All well,
That 1 can't exactly tell,
But do.
All my hope of gladness lies
In the loye-light of her eyes;
The fond kiss
OF her tender, rosy lips,
Touch of her slender finger tips,
Gives more bliss
Than you, cold cynic, e'er could guess.
But, still, the reason, you confess,
''You can't divine"
Well, l love her, and she loves me;
What better reason can there be
For joy like mine ?
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-01

He KNEw.-Judge (severely): GLOW
do you know the defendant Is a mar
ried man? Were you ever at his house?"
"No, sir.
''Do you know him personally ?"
"No, sir
"Did anyone ever tell you they were
married?"
''No, sir ; but when see man and
woman come to the same church regu-
larly for three years, occupy the same
pew, and have hymn-book apiece tc
sing ont of, don't want to see no mar
riage certificate. I can swear to then
relation all the time"