Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1882-06-08
Josh Billings on Counting

Counting is luxury, il is salad, it
is Use water, il is bevcridge, 1t is the
pla spell ov the soul. The man who
has never courted haZ lived in vain !;
he haz hin a blind man amung land
shapes and wateIskapes; he has bin a
def man in the land ov hand organs,
and by the side ov murmuring canals.
Counting IL like little springs ov soft
water that steal out from under a rock
at the fut ov a mountain and run down
the hill side by side singing and dams
ing ana spatering each luther, eddy ing
and frOthlng aud kaskading, now hid
ing under bank, now full ov sun, and
now full OF shadder, till bimeby tina
jine and then tina 60 slow. am in
favor ov long counting; il gives the
parties chance 10 find ont each uther's
trump kards, il is good exercise, and is
jisl as indersent as merino lambs.
Counting is like strawberries and cream.
wants to be did slow. then yu gil the
favor. hav saw folks git ackluailt-
ed, fall in luv, git married, settel down
and git tew wurk. in three weeks from
date. THIS is jist wa sum folks larn a
trade, and akounts tor the crate num-
Der ov almitey mean mechanicks we
hav, and the POOR jobs tina turn out.
Perhaps it is best shud state sum
gOOd advise tew yung men, who are
about tew court with "a final view TO
mairimony, aZ il WaZ. In the first
phase, yung man, yu want to git yure
system awl rite, and then find yung
woman who liz willing tew be courted
4 IN. IL
find out how old she is, which WI kan
dow bi asking her and she will sd that
she is 19 years old, and this yu will
find won't be far from out ov the wa.
The next best thing liz tew begin mod
crate; say Onse every mite in the week
for the fust six months, increasing the
dose "a the pasheint seems to require
it. 1t is a fust rate wa tew court the
girls mother leettle on the start, for
there IL one ching a woman never de-
spices, and that IL, leettle good court
ing, if ii is dun strjkly on the square.
After The fust year yu will begin TO be
well ackquainted and will begin tew
like the bizZness. Thare is one thing
l alwus advise, and that liz not to swop
fOtograffs oftener than onse in 10 daze,
unlessyu foTglt how the gal looks.
Occasionally yu want tew look sorry
and draw in yure wind az tho yu had
pain, this will set the gal few teazirg
yu tew find out what ails yu Evening
meetings are good thing tn tend, it
will keep your religgion in tune, and
then if the gal happens tc be thare, hi
acksident, she kan ask yu tew go hum
with her. AS "A ginral thing wouldn't
Drag on luther gals mulch when j waz
counting, it mite look az tho yu knu
tew mulch. If yu will court years
in this wa, awl the time on the square,
if yu don / sa it liz d lettile the slikest
time in your life, yu kan git measured
for hat at my expense, and pa for it..
Don't count for mummy, nor buty, nor
relashuns, theze things are jist about
az Onsartin rs the Kerosene lie refining
bissness, label tew git out ov repair
and bust at emmy minnit.
Court gal for fun, for the luv WI
bear her, for the vartue and bissness
thare is in her; court her for wife
and for a mother, court her as yu wud
court a farm-for the strength ov the
sile and the parfeckshun ov the title !;
court her as tho she wasn't fule, and
yu nuther; court her in the kitchen,
In the parlor, over the wash-tub, and
at the pianner; court this Wa, yung
man, and if you don't git good wife
and she don't git good husband, the
falt won't be in the courtins.
Yung man, yu kan rely upon Josh
Billings, and if you kant make these
rules wurk jist send for him and he
will sho yu how the thing is did, and
it shaut kost yu cent.