The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-06-16
HUMOROUS.

-
times day.
EPTAPH for the spring lamb-Peas to
his hashes.
WHAT religion is most, prevalent in
spring? Buddhism.
STRANGE, but Columbus had his egg
SIT before he passed from the stage.
A woMAN's heart is small affair, but
it can upset the biggest man that ever
adorned this world.
A MAN who has mulatto servant girl
named Ella, calls her umber- Ella. We
don't Sienna fun In that.
The moonshiners" are about the
only persons who have succeeded In
keeping a secret still.
s'I SEE in the papers that the Chinese.
must go. I will bet 81 that the Chinese
don't go better than 2:10. Maud s.
WHEN Hght-haired mans locks be-
gin to tnrn gray he's getting on to 30.
When they begin to turn black he's get
ting on to so.
A NEW boom In Confederate bonds
has commenced in the South, caused, it
is said, by fresh orders from Germany.
The orders must be very fresh.
81 WANT little change" said Mrs.
B. to her husband. WE'LL" was the
heartless response, "just wait for it.
Time brings change to everybody"
AT THE PARTY.
sWin you dance at our dancer" He said, "Dance,
like To dance with dancer whose dancing IL trua.
For you dance as a dancer should dance, and you
knew
could dance with no dancer that dances like you"
"LooK there" said an indignant Aus
tin tenant to his landlord, 'sthere is q
cat in the cistern of that house you
rented to me" "Is it dead?" ut
looks like it." "Then it will not dis
turb you any at night, so 1 will have to
raise your rent So on that account"
CHARLES BANNIsTER, that inveterate
punster, coming into coffee-room one
stormy night, said, "He never saw such
q wind in his life" "Saw wind, F" re-
piled friend, I" 1 never heard of such a
thing as seeing wind; pray, what was
it hke?" Like ?" answered Charles
"ike to have blown my hat of. ;"
A South END man has recently OBJ
tanned wife under false pretenses.
Finding that as decent, well-behaved
young man she wouldn't notice him, he
contrived to make her believe he was
really tough case, and she at once mar
ried him to reform him. Women are
curious creatures. Post.
COMING events, Stc. North-country
magnate Ito tenant farmer)-" Well,
Mr.. Cluff, so we're going to have an
election. How do you-hum !-what do
you-think about it ?" Farmer (warily)
-"Think about. it, sir? Whaay, I
think I shall be shakkin' hands WI
some greeat foalks vary shortly p
Pat9lcb.
A CORRESPONDENT writes to ask why
the money collected for the Pope is
called Peters pence. We have no idea,
unless it is because Peter didn't have
any. We should think, however, the
question of expenses would have made
him very pensive. Peter should be ap-
pointed patron saint of editors. He said 4:
''Silver and gold l have none, and he
wasn't joking about it either.-Teras
SIiftirags.
THE NEW " sALEsLADY."
She spread the goods before him,
With half-averted eyes
Their quality ard value
Extoing 70 the skies.
That yoice-O how bewitchingl
Those hands-how soft and whitel
Those eyes-how fascinatingi
That face-how fair sightl
= The goods are very pretty
No doubt what they appear;
But then, 1 think, IT." he added,
"You are little dear"
With cheeks suffused with bushes,
She turned her head away,
And innocently answered:
"That's what the fellers sayl"
--Ne,O York NesUS.
A GENTLEMAN Ill this city was going
out with a little nephew and his baby
sister, Grace, when he hesitated and re-
marked that he thought it was going to
rain. Little George did not like this,
and said he would bet that it wouldn't
rain. elbow much will you bet?"
asked his uncle. "Well," said George,
thinking a moment, "I'n bet % cents. -
"Put up your money" said his uncle.
But at this moment baby Grace discoy-
cred several drops Of rain, and drawing
attention to them said gravely: :" I fink
90 better put up 90 um5ellar. detroit
Post.
CARE you fond of dogs?" "Not
very," said the tramp. "Would you
mind holding this one for me for few
minutes ?" "It'll cost yer 10 cents. :"
"All right" said the man, delivering up
the animal, that inspected its new GUS
todian with an ominous movementtof the
muscles of the jaw. When the owner
returned, he encountered the tramp run
ming round the corner and exhibiting
symptoms of considerable agitation.
"Where's the dog?" he inquired. ga
policeman's got him." why didn't
you hold on to him?" "I couldn't get a
chance he was too busy holdin' on to
me-"