Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-08-25
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE,

OanBs' lhey VIII ma hunting the hare
great sport.
Western womans paper ventures the AS.
strtion that for every young wife who can
not cook there is Il young husband who will
not make fire, carry ashes, split kindlng,
or shovel snow and can not market, because
he docs not know a hawk from a hen.
What an affecting moment it will be when
Mrs Langtry shakes hands with Lydia L.
Pinkham,
Werner Simpson, son Of Bishop Simpson,
has seen a great light, and will be married
next week TO Miss Anna Beacon of Philadel-
pha.
some persons can't understand, says the
Norristown H,raM, why matches should cost
more now than they did during the war,
when everything else was over fifty per cent
higher than at present. II is easily explain.
cd. The Delaware match crop was liilledby
the cold Winter that destroyed the peaches
t there year ago. The report that the In
S crease in price was caused by the war In
Egypt was n false alarm
Senator Coke Of Texas wears h big beard
and broad smile.-EI The Washington
police arc very remiss in their duty if they
, allow him to prowl through the streets in that
q costume.
, Archbishop Whaey was one day asked if
! he rose early. lie replied that once he did,
: but he was so proud all that morning and so
1 sleepy all the afternoon, that he determined
s never TO do it again.
+ The Springfield Repujbcom formally with
: draws its support Of Mr. Grape for Governor
j of Massachusetts because of his vote on the
/ River and lIarbor bill We are anxiously
D waiting to hear the news of Mr.. Grapes
: suicide
The Detroit Free Press ventures to ex-
|. press its opinion that sweet sixteen" is all
Il bosh when applied to girl. At that age, it
says, she is the crosscst and most mpudent
g of any period of her life, being too old to
t spank and not old enough to box her
$ mother.
= People who poke fun at the blue laws Of
n Connecticut, are invited by the Hartford
st fourdht to consider the fact that In the year
- Of grace lSs2 the general assembly of the
free church Of Scotland aud moved to
issue devcrance against the sin OF lad
/. miring the works of nature on the sabbath
o. day.
e Spain says the New York Times, "is
a by no means a nation TO be- despised Her
l. army is small, but it is admirably equipped
l. with cigars garlic and guitars of the very latest
If pattern. She could send an army to Egypt
N that would powerfully impress the Egyp-
J. tians. When Spanish soldier with his
t. cloak drawn over his left shoulder, his
4 guitar under his arm and his cigar in his
RS mouth, MARCHES II serenade an enemy, he
# is a formidable object in appearance
a If you want to find out how great Il man
er is, let him tell it himself.-Nen orleans
Of Pic1yyne.
lc An eccentric Scotch lord has left his prop
II crly, worth $4,000 TO his servants. We
VI never hear of Il servant leaving 800, 900 To-
NJ his employer, but inths country such athing
~ would be possible if the servant was engag-
o ed one season a. Summer resort hotel-
" NorrjAt0,cn Uerad.
ny "ln the country" says boarding house
aI victim Il find nothing at all but insects, on
to the leg or on the wing, but insects on every
Id cd bucket. Tile Judge
oi Young man Aim high" says Elmer
tu son. Aim low" said General Jackson
nGHa Which is right: DEPENDS on whether you're
T aiming at the moon or at a melon thief crawl
u. ng off on his hands and knees, -!SomeruHle
"' journal.
he a one-legged man carrying a sack of -four,
90 his wife wheeling a baby in cab, his father
RS. in-law carrying codtisl-all drunk but the
re. baby, cab and the codfish-was sight about
N. fifty people stood in front of this office and
he witnessed, one day last week.-FUltoH
he Times.
RS, Misplaced and uncalled-for condolences.
Is, Festive Host (whO has been told by his wife
ny to make himself agreeable) -"uncommonly
1t slow, amt it Sir Pompey? Fact is, my wife
he thought It would be rather fun to ask all the
ere borcs who've asked us, and get EN- to meet
IT. each other, and pay them off in that way,
FRS you know And She did, by Jove And
or the best of it is they've all come ."-L0ndoH
~ PUHch.
Too terrible to contemplate. Old lady
after the character of n servant lis she an
early rsers" -fshetic young lady-"Don't
'rS know, I'm sure; I'm never down before
twelve or one." o. lis she honest =
eu Il. \. l.-"Thats u matter that has never
AL troubled me-" o. L.-"Can she cook ?"
ter Il. y, l.. Indignantly seldom eat,
,Jo q. LIVE ny are You getting rid OF her
'"e L. y. l.. [shuddcring )-"She has a mother
n who cats onions. | know that mania to be
I'M hereditary. She might break out at any mo
ms ment. "-London Fun.
the why don't YOU send your children t.
The school, Ike y asked the Superintendent OF
ct, Public Instruction of all old colored man
in wall, boss, is tried that school bushes.
the and il won't work" Flows that :" "Wall
lay You see, my sons leen studyu' rithmeic fun
iad some TIME, and tother day axed him what
I'd was de county seat oh Africa and he couldn't
led tell me- When u boy studies 'rithmetic free
'es, years and can't iiggcr out SIGH simple ques
ear ton, links dat its time fur him ter quit
Now he's studyn' stronomy in Il hrckyard
'ng -irkanSaio Trdreller.
APP Sovorol Aus,;, ,,entlemen wore ,all,ino
l liil about polite men they had met, when au old
ans German named Fritz said the potest man ht
tl- ever heard of was his uncle, What did
~. your uncle do ~ asked Gilhooy. well
hey s,rrcl, a rock and 90 that wssser down Al
d a 10 n,ssencors vos drowninr dot vsssrr in
Vu and mine uncle too. Shust before he 90 dol
"a, wasser down, mine uncle dakes oil his hal
lcu and say to the uddcr peoples who vas splash
Nv" ing dot wassor in, Ladies and shcntlemens,
Gu hat de honor to bid YOU good bye, and Ii
up; sunk out of sight dot wasser in Every
tu body present said Fri2's uncle was very
tm' courteous and polite except GilhoOly, whc
Cks Jon,, ,h;rt ,,nrr ,,rclo n,os lite ~, an
ain E,i,, Uo ayidor,l, haI No, r,.,ins g. H.
the ,crs Won't doun ins,nad of a,,,,,
40 ahead of them, particularly there were la
,iu dies in the crowd. lie was selfish brute
'te ~ ~ " ~ '''"
al l,Ii tl,nt lao oil