The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-10-14
THE DAILY ARGUS.


They say there is a man in Gunnison
county only twenty-six years old who
has killed twenty-seyen men already II
is very rare that young physician at
tains practice like that at the age OF
twenty-six.
When certain prince of SRlm-Salm
came during the civil war to offer his
sword to the federal government, his
title puzzled Mr.. Seward. Psalm
Psalmn he exclaimed, where does he
come from?' Perhaps from Sing
Sing. said the person addressed.
Gen. Grants son-in-law, Aleernon
Sartoris, is to swim race with another
man on the Thames in June for 81 600
a side. And yet some persons feared
when Nellie Grant married Sartoris
that she was getting a mere nobody
Inc young man, it appears, has talent.
A member of the rhetorical class in a
certain college had just finished his
defamation when the professor said:
Mfr, do you suppose a general
would address his soldiers in the man.
ner you spoke that piece?'' Yes, sir, |
do was the reply, IF he was half
scared to death"
1t is well known that NJ Leoouve.
who is such master of reading, writes
detestably-a hand like inky flv-tracks.
A lady said, speaking of him to one of
his colleagues: Wonderful reader M.
Legouve. eh?'' fsWonderful? [ cali him
supernatural; he can even read his own
handwritingr'
A cruel but esthetic father was in the
habit of beating his children BLACK and
blue" before the arrival of Oscar Wilde
in this country. Now he hammers
them until they are '.greenerv-yallery-''
Oscar has sHcceedee in including a love
for the beautiful cen in the savage
breast.
Are you going to take that ugly pug
dog with you again, Carrie?' asked
Charles. Il really believe you take
him simply to make yourself look pref
tier by the contrast Don't be ieal-
Gus of poor Pug. Charley, replied Car
RE. '1'll take you some time when
want to look especially handsome.
A contemporary asks, How shall wo-
men carry their purses to Illustrate the
thieves?" Why. carry them empty
Nothing illustrates thief more than to
snatch Il woman'S purse, after following
her hall Il mile. and then find that il
contains nothing but receipt for spiced
peaches and Il faded photograph of her
grandmother.
A man living near Burlington, VT,
recently got divorced from his wife. |
whom he now employs as hired girl. but |
he can't see what he gains by the opera |
ton. She demands IS week, the |
washing sent out. three nights and an |
afternoon off. besides the privilege of |
having company in the kitchen, and now
threatens To leave if he does not intro |
duce into the house all the modern i'm |
provementS.
THE fact is" said the seedy tramp. |
81 have read so much about the troubles |
in the labor market. that | am heartily |
sick of the whole business, and | made !
mp my mind long ago that | would new |
er have any thing to do with labor AS |
am man who never forsakes his |
| cannot work; but if you
have a nice rare steak and cup of hot |
coffee about the premises, TIL devote a
few moments to their demolition
A St. Louis editor accidentally re-
eeived in his morning mail proof-sheets
for the employs of religious
house, and, after CHANGING
over them. rushed to the city editor.
Yelling. why in the world didn't you
1eI iepoLI VI Chdl Wy toOd! Even Lndt |
low old religious paper across the way
5 ahead of you. Send out your force
or full particnlars-only one family
ayed. Interview the old man. His
lame is Noah"
The stage of Western theatre took
ire the other evening, but panic and |
ush for the door was averted by the
manager, who, with great presence of
1ind, slipped to the front and said,
Ladies and gentlemen, we have pre-
AIRED little surprise for you. An i'm
nense kettle of whiskey-punch is now
eing heated. and in few moments |
1aiters will pass through the hall and
istribute it, After that the audience |
ad to be pulled out one by one.