Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-11-08
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.

cooks should be allowed a wide range.
The prudent man has saved dimes all
summer that he might have good quar-
ters in the winter.
"THERE's always room at the top, %
hummed mosquito, as it got it's, work
in on bald head.
FRITZ thinks that pair of corsets is
nothing more or less than waist basket.
Syracuse Herald.
IT is thought that Frank James will
be pardoned, provided he will give his
parole not to lecture.
To keep apples from decaying, put
them IN cool place-where there is a
large family of children.
ELEoTRroITY is dangerous power, yet
people are inclined to make light of it
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
YES, the electric light is a great in
vention," muttered Flub, as be felt
about the door, "an' every keyhole
should have one. "-Bostoa Globe.
"CAN you find room for scribe on
your paper ?'' "Not unless you want to
subscribe" And again was that scholar
ly youth crushed. -Syr0cWSe Sunday
Times.
A BLIND pauper implored tramp for
the gift of pair of old pants. "Great
Scott!' replied the seedy wanderer, "do
as I do; get your drawers dyedp'-
Brooklyn Eagle.
A WATERMELON vine $50 feet in length
grows in Salisbury, N. ca. Y. Com.
AdU. Wonder how many stomach acres
there are in that 900 feet ?-Boston Com
Goerc5aL Bulletin.
IT is an undeniable fact that nearly all
| centenarians are poor and have been
poor all their lives. If you wish to live
to good old age, young man, never ad-
vertlse. Star.
LIGHTNING struck a Nevada man the
other day while he was swearing. It
would, however, take a mighty smart
stroke of lightning to hit Nevada man
when he is not swearing Nelvs.
A LARGE number of counterfeit silver
dollars are in circulation. This is very
| discourag1ng to churches. Members
will be afraid to put dollars in the col
lection basket for fear of being sus
| pected.
WHEN Closephist died his disconsolate
widow moaned through her tears, "Well,
there is one thing, John never gave me
a cross word" "Nor anything else
that he wasn't obliged to- murmured
Fogg.-BOSto1l Transcript.
" MADAME" he said, sorrowfully, CT
shall never be young again." "No, y
she replied, regarding him with cyni-
cal expression, "when nature makes a
mistake she never repeats the expert
| nont with tho CaT0n M of -
"YEs,' said the gilded youth, "Fred
snubbed and cut Jack in frightful way.
| Of course it was a rude and Tlncivil thing
to do, but then there were extenuating
circumstances. Jack had been making
love to Fred'5 wife. "-Boston Post.
A REPUBLICAN friend says Gen. But
ler's statement that he saved thousands
of soldiers lives by not attacking Fort
Fisher, reminds him of the schoolboy's
composition on pins. ''Pins have saved
lots of peoples lives by not swallerine
of 'em."
NOTHING like understanding human
nature. A southern farmer placed his
hen-coop right in the middle of his
watermelon patch, and every darkey
that came prowling around debated with
himself until daylight as to which he
should tackle.
HEARD at the Conundrum Club
"What is the difference between q
frightful Inhalation and den in a for
est? F." The prize answer was, "One is
cold wave and the other is void
cave" Music by the band.-Nea0 Yorh
Commercial advertiser.
Two hundred thousand people are
asked to contribute nickel apiece to
build church in Texas. It should be
called the Church of st. Nickel us, and
when it is in operation it is to be hoped
the old Nickel have less to do in Texas.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Two boarding house keepers are COM
pairing notes. cit pears to me, Mrs.
Miggles, that your chicken salad is never
found out-leastways, [ never heard
none of the boarders complain" "You
see," explained Mrs. Miggles, 81 allus
chop up few feathers with the VEAL"
"GoTNa away ?" they asked the man
who was closing the shutters of his
house and pulling down the curtains.
mo-" he replied, shut I'm going to
put up some stoves, and don't propose
to have any inhuman ghouls look in at
the windows and see me and laugh at
my misery
SAID the gilded youth: What's the
use of my k licking about the price my
tailor sets on suit of clothes" I used
to do it, bat one day after I had ar
gued a couple of hours with him. sud-
denly thought that it was a ridiculous
waste of time, as I should never pay the
bill, anyhow
SOME time ago very innocent young
lady paid visit to lady friend, who a
few days before had presented her good
man with son. She had, of course, to
see the baby. After looking hard at the
little stranger some time she remarked
"Dear nae, Maggie, how sunburnt it is. !"
Hartford Times.
Chow lovely the fields and woods are
in their autumnal tints, said Miss Fitz-
Joy. eyes," chimed in Farmer Robin
son; but they aren't SO lovely as they
&as when things were growing and
making money for me- This practical
view of matter was entirely new to Miss
Eif1iOu R0ofoo1 QIobo