The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-05-24
WIT AND HUM0R.

"We'll shake once more for the quiz
nine" Us the ague said to the victim.
A lawyer who climbs up on a chair
after a law-book gets a little higher in
order that he may get little lore.
"What is this man charged with?"
asked the Judge, with whisky, yer
honor" replied the sententious police
man.
Glass eyes for horses are now made
with such perfection that the animals
themselves cannot see through the de-
ception.
A burglar got into the house of a
country editor the other night. After a
terrible struggle the editor succcededin
robbing him
1t used to take nine tailors to make q
man. Now one good tailor, n shoema-
ker, and 4 barber can make what iscall-
cd a society man.
A man living in the country finds
lightning-rods on the house to be q
great protection They keep Lightning
rod peddlers from calling.
Fogg, who had been fed on pie for
day or two informed his land-ady that
he was not fond of pasteboard. Fogg
was given his walking papers.
A Western paper announces that up
on the occasion Of a recent boiler eXplo-
sion in the neighborbood "between
three and four men We're killed"
When Patrick saw the announcement
in q shop window, "Great Slaughter in
Clothing" he stepped in and inquired
for EVAN of thin kilt suits
The great social mania is to have ones
hand photographed But when man
holds four and fails to get n bet he
doesn't want his hand photographed.
In the East a man thinkshc is serving
thc Lord when he trades his wife for an
ass, sells the ass for what he can get,
and goes on a pilgrimage to Mecca
A young man who didn't like the
color Of his hair wrote to chemist,
asking, What is the best dying re-
ceipt?' The chemist answered, Fool
with a loaded gun"
1t is only within the last few years
that policemen have discovered that
coffee doesn't prevent sleep at night.
There were years and years when they
dare not drink it.
This is the way to arrange that Him
doc paragraph: When u Hindoo swears
he takes hold Of the tail Of cow In
this country when n man takes hold OF
the tail of a COW he swcars,
If it be true that Jesse James is in
heaven, great many simplc.minded,
transformations people in this country,
who never ScuttIcd railroad train nor
cut throat, will sublct their church
pews at very favorable terms.
At q town-moeling Il large taxpayer
rose up to protest against building a
new school-housc in u certain part of
the town. Whats the good of itP"
said he. "rhey are III ignorant set
down,tbcre, anyway"
Hc was sitting ON the club house
steps, when n gentleman came up to
him and asked him if there was gen
tleman with one eye named Walker in
the club. ~ don't know" was the re-
ply, whats the name of the other
eyep'
500, for gracious sake, waiter take
those nut-crackers over to that man."
exclaimed u nervous old lady sitting OPP
posite to h party who was cracking nuts
with his teeth. "No, thank you,n 20
litcly returning them; "minc arc not
falso teeth"
eli! whore did you get them trou-
sersp" asked an lrishman n n man who
happened to be passing, with remark
ably short pair of trousers. II got
them where they grew" was the indic-
nant reply. "Tbcn, by my consciencel'
said Pat, you've pulled them u year
too soonr'
An Austin editor was writing NJ
home, when his numerous children dis
turbcd him, whtrcupou he howlcd to
his wife; I'm busy writing an cditori-
nj denouncing the inliclon Of cornoreal
punishment of children in the public
schools of Texas, aud il those brats in.
terrupt me once more III ret nm mud
wear my cane out ON them"
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