Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-07-01
KhGsv To Keep Cool.

From the y. Y. Tribune.
We believe that no exhaustive treatise has yet
been written on the weather which is inclusive
of full directions for keeping serencly cool when
it is awful warm. But in the absence of such q
wOrk-and one of the great popular wants Of
the day will not have been met until it is issued
-sundry humanitaranS have come forward with
hints, more or less valuable, designed for the
relief of perspiring humanity.
One of the most popular of these hints is: TRY
not to think how hot it is; keep your mind
steadily upon other subjects" The trouble
about this hint is that ones fellow creatures
will not suffer him to follow it. How is any man
to make a successful effort to exclude the state
of the weather from his thoughts and reflect
upon lceoergs. cucumbers. Quaker meeting
houses and cOgnate cool concretes, when on
the elevated road. in the horse cars. aboard
elevators. at the street Corners friends and ac-
quantances invariably lay mold of him with the
remark: Hot. isn't it," No. no. This hint is as
worthless rs the second mortgages on the Flani-
Gan Flying Machine. When the mercury is climb
ing up among the nineties no man, no matter
how abSent-minded he may be in regard to other
matters. ever manages to forget the weather
for it is persistently thrust at him from all sides
III Congress in the exercise OF a wise discretion
should pass law making the exclamation
Hot, isn't it, capital offence it would do
much to commend itself to the sober Judgment
of the better element among the American
people. BGt until Congress does interfere it is
idle to counsel melting mortal Try not to
think how how hot it is
And another OF these hints that has large
and influential backing is equally vain We
refer to the hint. " ALWAYS carry cabbage leaf
III your hat during the heated term: it will keep
the head cool and prevent sunstroke." Statis-
ties show that the aOrity of those who have
been overcome by the heat i'm our large cities
and had to be carried Off to hospitals in ambu-
lances. confessed, when they came to. that what
allied them was sheer exhaustion following
frantic efforts to hunt up cabbage leaves. The
cabbage leaf is not generally diffused. and COM
paratively Il small number of people live i'm the
country where they are raised or near markets
where they are kept for sale. The consequence
is that ii Is not easy for the average man to act
on this hint. and the realization of this fact is
We'll calculated to render him hotter than ever
1t is only fair to add that not a few young
gentlemen who have taken the hint and have
laid in a large lot of cabbage leaves after a few
days experience with these aids to cool living
have incOntinently hurled their entire stock
into the street, using red hot explosives during
the exercise. They reported that the effect was
perhaps pastoral. but not wholly good of raising
the hat to bow to the lOyeliest of her sex and
not have the leaf ascend with the hat. but re-
main on the head like an Outlandish green
nightcap. A third hint about as valuable as
the two we have just considered originated with
a famous Englishman. He INDUCED in a wild
yearning one sultry day to take off his flesh and
sit in his bones. The fatal criticism that can
be passed upon this hint is that like the Kelly
| motor, although admirable in theory 1t is eX-
tremey difficult to reduce to practice 1t
resembles Oscar Wilde In that it is too purely ideal
for this world 1t has its analogue in some Of the
college graduates that are now so confidently
rushing upon the stage of action-they are i'm
pressye. but they lack practically. A fourth
hint was bestowed upon the world by Mr. A.
Ward. But it was for the benefit of q class,
and not for the entire public. He once ex-
planned that young lovers ought to find no diff
Guilty in keeping comfortable, even in the most
torrd OF weather, since any slight misunder-
standing could create GOODNESS between them
But since this hint was probably conceived i'm
premeditated levity. we decline to notice it, A
! fifth hint is said to have originated with a me-
tropOlitan clergyman of q by-gone era who was
as witty as he was wise. Il haven't seen YOU
to prayer-meeting this SUMNER" he once re-
marked TO one of his flock mo. dominic, i" was
the reply; lit has been too hot for me to at
| tend" TOO hot" rejoined the dominic, his
eyes all a-twnkle; ''wilere will you find colder
| place than one of our prayer meetings." But
! since this hint involves a theological point we
pass 1t over TO the distinctive religious press
without comment.
On the whole, perhaps the best recipe for get
| ting Mongv 18th the hot weather was compounded
by anzOshkosh philosopher. We read Of him in
western paper one day last week. He was
| travelling with his son. and the yOungster pros
trated by the sun beating down upon them as
they were riding across q shadeless prairie.
complained bitterly to his father. The parents
| heart was touched, and out of the depths of his
loye-a love guided by level-headedness-he
said to his son: '!Now. see here Jimmy, just
| you take good grip on yourself aud make up
your mind that you'll sfan' IT." There may be
better hint Of the kind. II any Of our read
ers labor under the impression thai they know
OF better We should be glad to have It left at
\