The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-10-12
The Absurdities of Fashion,

'''''''E '''p HISn-Duch'l ShctH-hHHN
editorial rooms Of the Hawkeye, the best
advertising medium west of the Missis-
sppi and the most popular paper in the
world, now is the time TO make up
clubs, yesterday morning. His heavy
tread fell noscessly upon the Pompa-
dour velvet carpets, and as he sank into
q costly escritoire the perfumed light
fell through the stained glass tant mieux
at the facade of the managing editors
ebranlement dc CUR touched the old
mans face with a softened overmoulou,
that seemed like an echo from the state
ly renaissance that looked down upon
the walls. Carefully moving the elegant
Louis Quinze pdsSte-pdrt0m where the
old man could not tip it over with his
feet, If after his usual habit he should
choose to rest them on the carved mat
MS sajet, the editor asked the honest til
Ter of the soil how was crops in the
Flint river country.
"CropS?N echoed the man. "Well
now ! want to tell you about crops,
Corn's all right an oats was better'n
usual an wheat just doomed, but you've
got crop OF fools in Burlington that'll
just lay over any other green thing that
ever drawed the COWS in the state Of
Iowa.
The managing editor was surprised,
and said he had not heard such intern
perate talk since the prohibition can
vass. He added that there were some
fools in Burlington, he had heard, but
as they were not subscribers to the
HaWkeye he didn't know much about
them and felt very little interest in
them.
why, the towns full of EN-" shout
ed Mr.. Thistlepool, who labors under
the impression that he can't be heard
unless he talks very loud.
How can you tell they're fools?"
asked the society editor.
by their Clothes" waved the old
man, and the society editor slid as far
as he could under the table and then
laid his face fiat on his arm in order to
write more easily. ''By their clothes,n
repeated the sturdy old agriculturist.
"'Y gaul, if boy of mine w to dress
like young fellers | see in this town, I'd
beat some sense into him with q neck
yoke. Why it's redik'lus, tell We it's
redik lus. | see young chap down in
the countin' room with pair o trousers
on him tighter candle moulds-I hope
to die T didn't think he'd stuck his
laigs into couple o snake skins. N
his coat-by jockies, it wasn't hardly
long enough to cover his suspenders; it
wasn't. | swanny. M it fit him closer
than his undershirt and his shit collar
sawed his ears every time he turned his
head, m he wore his watch chain out
side his coat. An he wore fiat hat
with round top, about as big as a
cooky. An his shoes? Punched, do
| we know, p'inched like toothpicks, N
they was long as pickaXes. To see him
skippin' around in that git up, lookin'
more like monkey nor white man,
v gaul it made me mad m swan |
wanted 10 lick him. | declare | did.
There's no sense in Christian man
maxim such an outlandish spectacle of
himself, an If | ever ketch my boy
dressed up in any such dog goned
redik'l us, absurd, disgustiu' fashion, I'll
be gaul swizzled if hello, Jasper, are
We waitin' fur me?"
And saving good bye, Mr.. Thistepod
accompanied his son down stairs to the
wagon. As the old man turned to 90,
he did not in the least degree resemble
the young feller'' down in the count
ing room. The big felt hat he wore had
originally been of some color, but that
was years ago The blue merino band
.sewed on with black thread was too
loose and Irvine string tied tightly
around it, caused the hat to bulge out
above the band like the dome of q
mosque.
The hickory skirt, fashioned at the
collar in severe completely with big
horn button, scorned collar of any
kind. The roomy brown vest had four
white bone buttons and black shawl
pin and through the irregular reticula-
lions of its much abraded back the soli-
tary suspender showed through, reso-
lutely cinging to button aft and nail
forward. The baggy blue trousers
swelled out below the tapping vest into
an ample dome, strongly creased and
fearfully wrinklcd, breaking, as the old
man walked, into awful billowy buges
and humps, while one long, deep, dag
onal crease showed where the trusty
suspender hauled taut from port to
starboard, held everything fast on the
quarter Further down they bagged in
great curving pillows at the knees and
wrinkled behind; they were brief, and
came TO an uutimely end about four
inches before they reached the top of
the shoe, and they ended abruptly;
same size all the way down and sawed
square of across the ends. The shoes
were not exactly pointed at the toes,
and when the old mans feet were not
in them you couldn't bet which way the
shoes were pointed. Jasper was at
tired in like manner rs his father, only
being much taller man his trousers
were correspondingly shorter, As they
passed through the aesthetic decorations
of the counting room, the man in the
lean pants laughed sneeringly, and Mr..
Thistlepod laughed tauntingly, The
: managing editor sank back in his err
mine cushioned fear dc tcrre.
Il am afraid" he sighed YEARLY,
"those two people are laughing at each
| hn,, Il. l.. ~ d.. IN