davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
The First Page Of All Almanac Humor-
OuSly Considered.

Very few people know the Specification OF
the various signs peculiar to the title page of
the almanac and some of them are not exact
ly clear to US.
In the first instance, the man who stands in
the center with vest unbuttoned in such q
manner as to expose his alimontary canal, has
always been mystery to US. Why in every
almanac for the past century this man, with
all his works exposed to the cold night air,
should be given the most prominent place in
literary work like the almanac, we are una
bls to clearly understand. He certainly can
claim no degree of consideration for this act.
It does not entitle him to any amount of
prominence, for the public do not thirst for
view of man who has made an autopsy of
himself and is apparently proud of it. What
the planets have to do with the cardiac oriice,
we do not at this moment know positively, or
why astronomy and the gastric juices should
have anything in common.
Again we must come ont and confess our
ignorance as to the bearing that the ram, or
the tarantula, or the twins. or the crab, or
other astronomical delirium tremens may
have upon the weather. OF course it is stu-
pidity, and we ought to be ashamed of it, but
we are in that fix and we cannot help it.
When our son gets old enough to look into
these thing, we will see that he isn't left to
grope along through life and make a moral
show of himself as his father Boomerang
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

Two sailors went with q tame parrot to
show in Toxic, where a Japanese was giving an
exhibition Of slight-ofhand, intcrapersed with
rcrobatic feats.
At the end Of each trick the sailors would say.
snow. isn't that clever. Wonder what he II do
next?'
With each &c: Of the performance their as
tonishment increased, and they kept muttcring
w Wonder what he'll do next ?''
The parrot heard this exclamation so cfisa
that be picked itnp off hand, az it were.
Presently the japanese undertook to keen in
the air number of bamboo sticks ignited at
both ends, but having bis attention distracted
by movement in the audience, be allowed on.
of the sticks TO drop. Unfortunately It fell up
on heap OF frecrackers. bombs, ETC., which
exploded, blew out the walls, blew off the roof
scattered the audience in all directions. and
gent The parrot, minus his tail feathers and one
eye, about four hundred yards
As the bird came down with fo, II shrieked.
Wasn't that clever Wonder what beU do
next"
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

CONSTIPATION is q disease maker 10 all human
beings The rich and poor, the old and young.
male and female are its regular victims. A.
the bedside the physicians first question is, show
are your bowels?" This condition has many
causes, and leads to many diseases as follows /:
Indigestion, acid stomach, heartburn. fevcrs,
bliousness, sick headache, torpidity of the liver
collie. inaammatory diseases, nervousness. loss
appetite, etc, etc. These conditions, can all
be removed hy the use of "BAuEYs SALINE
APERIENr," which is pleasant and sparkling
purgative. acting speedily and freely u,.on the
stomach, bowels and liver relieving indises-
tion. curing sick headache, heartburn and acid
stomach /: cools and quiets in fever never pro.
duces pain or nausea
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

MOTHERS READ THIs.-"My wife and daughter
have both been afflicted for several years with a
prostrated for months at time. My wife had
falling of the womb and leucorrbGa, with ex-
treme nervousness, loss of appetite and general
debility, while my daughter had what is termed
chlorosis, or green sickness, which affected
every organ of the bo6y, becoming pale, feeble
emaciated. and unfit for any duty of life.
spent hundreds of dollars for doctors and patent
medicines, without effect for good. was ad-
vised to try DR.. Dromgoole's ENGLISH FEMALE
BIrTERs, and to my great delight thirteen bottles
cured them, sound and WELL Thus speaks Mr.
Arch Speers, of Mississippi.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

1t has been said, and we believe truly, that
the statue which the people of New Orleans
design erecting to the memory of Margaret
Haughery will be the first tribute of the kind
ever paid to woman in America. This novel
innovation in the world of art, together with
a most praiseworthy and well directed senti-
mentalism has, probably, inspired the Boston
ladies to put up statue in that city in honor
of another woman, who, like our Margaret.
though in different sphere of life, reflected
honor upon her sex. Harriet Martineau's
memory ia thus to be commemoratsd by the
fair dang hters of the athens of America"
The cost of the statue will be $4,000, and of
this amount ali but 81 500 has been rsised-
". o. States.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
Dust on Your Glasses.

don't often put on my glasses to examine
Katy's work but ono morning, not Ions
since, I did 80 upon entering room that she
had been sweeping.
did you forget to open the windows when
you swept, Katy ?" inquired, ''this room is
very dusty"
Il think there is dust on your eye glasses,
mamma she said modestly.
And sure enough the eyeglasses were at
fault, and not Katy. rubbed them off, and
every thing looked bright and clean, the carpet
like new, and Katy's faee said,-
II am glad it was the glasses, and not me
this time"
This has taught me good lesson said to
myself, upon leaving the room, and one 1 shall
remember through life.
In the evening Katy came to mo with some
kitchen trouble. The cook had done so-and-
30. and she said so-and-so. When her story
was finished, said, smilingly,-
There is dust on your glasses, Katy rub
them off, and you will see better"
She understood me, and left the room.
told the incident to She children. and it
is quite common to hear them say to each
other
"Oh, there is dust on your glasses"
Sometimes I am referred to.
NANNY, Harry has dust on his glasses !;
can't he rub it off z"
When hear person criticising another,
condemning, perhaps a course he knows moth
ing about, drawing inferences prejudicial to
the person or persons, think, ''Theres dust
on your glasses; rub it off," The truth is,
everybody wears these very same glasses.
said this to John one day, some little mat
ter coming up that called forth the remark
'There are some people wish would begin
to rub, then,' said he. "There is Mr.. So-and-
so, and Mrs. So-and-so, they are always ready
to pick at some one, to slur, TO hint don't
know, don't like them"
Il think my son John has a wee bit on his
glasses just now"
He laughed and aked,-
TNhaf Il boy to do ?"
"Keep yS own we'll rubbed up. and you,
will not know whether Others need it or Yot1
81 will" he replied.
I think, as family %S are all prohtly
that little incident, and thrSdttss hrttsii We y1fA
er forget the meaning of the term of There is
dust on your glasses"
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
Envying q Rich Man.
youths Compsnion.]

L
Some years ago there lived man in Pbiia-
delphia who was euvied by hundreds. Jacob
Ridgeway was worth FIVE or six millions OF
dollars. fortune which was then exceeded only
by Grard's and Astor's.
"Mr. Ridg"way" said a young man with
whom the millionaire was conversing, "you are
more to be envicd than any gentleman know"
why so?' responded Mr.. Ridgeway. 81 am
not aware of any cause for which l should DO
particularly envied."
"What, sir y exclaimed the young man in
astonishmcnt. "Why, you are millionaire
think of the thousands your income brings every
month y
well, what of thlt?' replied Mr.. Ridscway.
"All get Out of it is my victuals and clothes,
and can't eat more than one mans allowance
and wear more than q suit at time. Pray
can't you do as much ~
'Ah, butt said the youth, "thnk of the
hundreds of fine houses you own, ani the rem
tails they bring you"
"Wbat better off am for that" replied the
rich man. 81 can only live in one house at a
time as for the money | receive for rents, why
| can't eat it or wear it; can only use it TO
buy o.ber houses for people to live in thoy are
the bcneGciares, not L."
"But you can buy SPLENDID furniture, and
costly pictures, and fine carriages and horses
in fact, nything you desire"
"And after l have bought them," responded
Mr. Ridgeway, What then / can look at the
furniture and pictures, and the poorest man.
who is not blind can do the same.
81 can ride 10 easier in fne carriage than
you can in the omnibus for FIVE cents, without
the trouble of attending to drivers, footmcn aud
hostlers and as to anything 'desire,' can
tell you young man, that the less we desire In
this world, the happier we shall be.
"All my wealth can't buy a single Gay more
Of life-can not buy back my youth cannot
procure me power to keep afar of the hour of
death. and then, what will all avail, when In a
few short years at most lie down 10 the grave
and leave it all forevers Young man, yoa have
no cause to envy me-"
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
THE DOR.f HOTEL

HAVING been thoroughly repaired and fitted
L l. up, is now offered for rent The property
will be delivered to lessee on or before the Isl
of June next.
The building on Madison street, near Lacoste
Bros, formerly used as coffee house and oyster
saloon. has also been renovated and enlarged
and will be rented at reasonable terms.
Apply to L. Ivy,
May 6, 1882. Verm:li 'le.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

Mary Delkhorn had two lovers at Cuba,
Mo-, and gave them equal encouragement.
They were John Lindsay and Milliam NJ.
Dodd, and naturally they quarrclled. Meet
ing in saloon, when both were intoxicated,
they had fight, and Lindsay killed Dodd.
The murderer escaped, and for year lived
safely under an assumed name in Chicago,
Then he concluded. to renew his suit with
Mary, and wrote letters to her-at first eau
tiously, but af;erward asking her to come
and marry him. She replied with loving
missives, and finally promised TO join him.
She kept the promise, too, but took on officer
along, her sole aim having been to discover
his hiding place. ppm a cursed fool" was
Lindsay's remark when arrested.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

The Gniieau case has lately taken on new
phase. In Boston petition is circulating pray
ing the President for stay of execution. on
three grounds: First, that "for more than
twenty years Guiteau has been hopclessiy in
sane" this being declared to be 1.-THE concurrent
verdict of our leading authorities" Second,
that under right management Of the case,
these opinions of authorities would have gone
before the court, and radically changed the
character OF the trial. Third. that all civilized
natioas are opposed to hanging the insane. and
mo asylum would have refused admission to
Guiteau." The petitioners, who include some
members OF The medical profession. ask for
a commission OF authorities 10 examine and re-
port upon Gui;ean's mental condition, as is the
custom 10 Germany AMI France befors the trial
ol persons ehosiag signs q. i.laanils
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
RNy x'Ossr License,

A LII persons carrying on trades, profcs
n &C.. and subject to License Tax are herr
by notified that ! am now ready to collect the
the same for both State and Parish: and the
said License Tax must be paid within twenty
days from the date OF this notice, otherwise 10
per cent and all cost for collection will be added
Collectors office, Vermilionville, this 18th of
April, 1882. EDGAR MOUTON,
Tax Collector, Lafayette Parish.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
ESTR.FY'

TAKEN UP by the undersigned, in this par
L isb, black creole horse, gentle, about or
s years old. two hind feet white, branded on the
right shoulder H L !; branded and counter-brand-
cd on right bip, II b and branded on the left
shoulder.
The owner is requested to come forward and
prove bis property, pay costs and take it away.
PAULIN ARCENEAUX.
May Is, 1882.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
ESTR.F Il.

TAKEN UP by the undersigned on Queue
l. Tortue. in this parish. one small bay creole
horse left eye white and lame in right shoulder.
left hind foot white, about five years old, and
branded on left thigh.
The owner is requested 10 come forward,
prove property, pay costs and take his animal
JOSEPH l.. SUITES.
Nay :, 1852.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
Agents Waited for salliyan.s
IRELAND OfTO-DAg

'",'oiuc'ion by Thos. Power o'Conner. M.P1
aoor;a elOIits as english oppression set forth. It
stion 'oes . 'relands ruin and the peoples deeper-
' o.ou; ~ Shows how The land was coDf=cated
Inni Inu ,ne industries destroyed. It explains the
I;I Ianud League, the Land Act and the Coercion
pii. pr, Contains 32 eagravings and map in colors.
tn rice only 81 per copy. Sales immense. Send
sa,i JI lsr i1l ontlt and begin work at once. For
tn. t"i. parucuiars, address J. c. MCCuRDY & Co.,
Chicago, Ill., ''
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

MANY persons will take no medicine unit il
prostrated on bed of sickness. This is folly.
Nature always calls for assistance when needed
to throw of impurities. With our habits of life,
it is necessary to render this help. PRlcKLY Ash
BIrrERs will not force nature, bnt act s mildly
and renders the assistance required. Try them
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03

Il hear Mr.. Griffin has the pneumonia"
sad Mrs Bulbs, whe. WAS calling ON N,s
Potts. well, I don't believe it, re,orted
Mrs. Potts; shes too mean. If he has anv
mona as IL, K. e. oil or eecona-ha.. I ..e,
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
A. x. HERPECHE, M. D.,

TOR thirteen years resident physician Of
l. tiis place, having extended bis practice to
New iberia. informs his friends and the public
that he will be Mt his bone in Vermilionville on
Saturday. Sunday and Monday of each week to
attend to those needing his professional services.
April 22, 1882.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
For SAFE
EOR &.AEE.

~~uE improvements and lease of the land at
censreport on Vermilion Bayou, together or
I,sieIy, the lease having about seventeen
err 10 run, on very reasonable terms. This is
yss.s locati< for a country store lumber and
y " ysrd, cotton gin, grist and rice mill, etc
Htlig 10 A J. MOSS.
tHt Tefmiiiosrile, La.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1882-06-03
Spring C0nundrums.

Why, in the spring of the year, do picnies
become epidemic, and young and old, rich and
poor, rush off into the woods to eat their
lunch under the trees, and be fed On by ticks
and mosquitoes? 1t is simply because for tens
of thousands Of years man was in a nomadic
condition. He wandered about with his fami-
ly in the woods, living on berries and being
annoyed by insects. and though man has be-
como civilized, and lives in house. yet, to re-
turn to his old yagabopd Lie comes over him,
She had to dig up the
ground, Plknt the crop, and gather it until it
became second nature to her. Her husband
was kind enough to encourage her to keep on
by shaking stick at her when che wanted to
sit down and rest but it was below his dignity
to work. Such was the condition of woman
from the beginning Of time. 1t will be re-
membersd that Adam was too lazy to gather
in the apples, so Eve had to do it for him. Of
course all this is changed now. All that most
women do in the way of hard work is to dress
up and go to parties, but!evsry spring she can
not resist the impulse to put on her worst
clothes and drudge with a hoe out in the front
yard, as she used to do thousands of years ago.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-04-17
PASSENGER LISTS.

OMAHA, April 15th.-Left here to-day to arrive in
Sacramento April 10Th Sir Thomas Hesketh, wife
| and child, England; 7. R. B. Smith, Marcus Smith
Ottawa, Canada; A. W. Vowel, Cassiar, B. c.. Miss
May J. Smith, Lee, Mass; Gustave Hoffman, wife
and child, New York Mrs. Samuel Bonnfeld and
sen, E. F. Allen. San Frencisco John B. p. Pitts
four Sisters of Charity and three Sisters of the Holy
Name, Montreal.
OMAHA, April 16th.-Left here today, to arrive
in Sacramento April goth c. p. Libby, wife and
daughter, Chicago /; Lieutenant II. C. Fisher and
wife, U. S Marine Corps; Mrs. Charles W. Stevens
San Francisco; A. W. Haldeman, Milwaukee; W.
H. Cronin, Cincinnati E. 7. Morris. indianapolis
B. B. salsman Madison, Wis H. W. shotell
Boston.
NEwHALL, April 16th.-Passed here to-day, to ar.
rive in San Francisco to morrow S. Hardcastle,
New York G.. D. Hildebrand, San Jose :. II.
Covert, Oakland; J. d. Gamble, Ohio; j. Mitchell
| and wife, Tombstone Mrs. GALL Riverside; NJ.
Van Matre, G. Belden, Los Angeles L. J. Rose,
San Gabriel James Noel NJ. W. Jenkins Los An
geles; Henry Rex and family, Indiana j. l.. Hol-
land, Nevada City c. II. Demkard, Phenix, A. T.;
Charles F. Hayden, Ben Williams, Arizona j. W.
George, Boston; Mrs. NJ 4. Keogan, Arizona Geo.
Compton, Sewhall.
CARLIN, April 1Gth-Passed here to-day, to arrive
in Sacramento tomorrow: Henry c. Robinson,
Hartford, Conn; John D. Garwood. Ohio; j. II.
Eb Mrs. J. H. Jewett d. j. Oliver, Mrs II. Acker'
man, Robert Tobin, Albert Ackerman, S. S. Acker.
| man, Miss Rosa Ackern an, Miss Flora Ackerman,
San Francisco; A. s. Barnes Miss Hattie J. Barnes
NJ. LYMAN, wife and child, New York Mrs. C. P.
Metcaif, Worcester. Mass; Mrs. Il. O'Donnell and
three children, Santa Cruz Charles h. Hommedien,
Detroit, Mich; W. A. Crawford, w. E. RUSSELL Bos-
ton, Mass; F. F. Osbston, NJ d. Warren, Denver,
Col; Joseph Jones Wilmington, Del; ?. w. Smith
and wife, San Luis Obispo, Cal; J. W. Brown, Phil
| adelphia John W. Jones, San Rafael ; George e.
Sumner, Hartford, Conn.,; Alfred Carlson, Chicago
Fred westerhold, Sandusky, o.; P. Maui, Italy
John A. Schaefer and wife, Bode L. J. Jones, Cal
ifornia J. Ii. Henry, Cherry Creek; 81 emigrant
passengers, including 90 males, to arrive in Sacra
mento April 18th.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-04-17
San Francisco stock Sales.
THE SPARKS CRUELTY CASE.
MORNING SESSION.

Captain Sparks was on the stand Friday
at San Francisco in his own defense. He
denied in toto and in detail all knowledge
of the cruelty charged. He admitted
striking one man, not severely, and of
knowing after the act that Adlung had
been kicked in the eye, but believed it to
have been an accident occurring when the
mate was furnishing Adlung, He denied
refusing Adlung medicines, and showed
entries in his log book of where he
had prescribed for him. His crew was
not well composed and only half were able
seamen, though all had shipped as such.
He could not take men off duty as it
would leave him short-handed. The men
stayed by the ship long after she arrived
at Wilmington, and they made no COM
plant. The first thing he had heard of
Rasmussen's defective hearing was in
Court. He was the pet of the ship and
smart and capable boy, and said the Cap
tain, 81 don't see how anybody could
have the heart to harm him. As to
slapping him on the injured ear, the Cap
tain replied that he took him by the collar
away from the wheel, as he was steering
wildly, and the ship came nearly abaok.
The Captain had never heard cries of pain
or, at least, he modified this statement in
his direct and cross. examination, saying he
could not distinguish their character, and
his attention was never aroused by them.
Judge Hofman-You had no reason to
suspect any ill.treatment?
Witness-No; l had not.
Judge Hoffman-You mean to say that
all these stories are Few revelations to
you?
Witness-I do, sir never dreamed of
any such thing.
Judge Hoffman-Are you aware that
punishment on shipboard is solely confded
to the Captain 2
Witness-I so understand /; but l sup
pose the mates can make the men do their
duty.
Hereupon the Captain acknowledged he
had seen Jo Brown struck by the mate who
came along while between the Rio de la
Platte and the Horn, and told the watch to
haul away at the main brace, at the same
time digging the men in the sides. Again
he reprimanded the mate and threatened
to put him in irons.
The Captain denied that he had ever re.
fused food to the men while at Whining
ton, nor had he ever ordered such a re-
fusal the relations between him and mate
Curtis were not very pleasant, for he was
man he did not like; of his crew of
eighteen nine or ten only were able to do
seaman's duty; Watts was the only man
VINO understood navigation there was no
one who could be made second mate, and
third mate Driscoll had lost his voice. On
cross.examination the Captain maintained
stoutly that during the whole voyage be
had never struck any seaman, but had
given second mate Curtis cuff for being in
the carpenters room smoking when he
should have been on DUTY McCue and
Babyface were the only two men he
had ever seen with bruised faces, and while
he had never told the men to report to him
if they were ever struck, they could have
done so of their own accord.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-04-17

SACRAMENTO RECORp-UNIoN
San Francisco Office, No. 53I California
street. H. Sharpe, Agent.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-04-17
Nature Demands n Tonic

When the nerves are unstrung, the head
aches, the appetite is poor or variable, the
sleep disturbed, and general depreciation Of
vital power is experienced. Such state ol
things cannot long exist without the develop
ment of serious disease. The most active and
genial invigorant known is 81 ostetter's Stom
ach Bitters The absolute purity of its
spirituous basis and botanic ingredients gives
it permanent claim to public confidence
and its SURPRISING medicinal value is admit
ted by medical men of distinction, by whom
it is widely used in private practice. Fol
fever and ague-both as a preventive ant
remedy-dyspepsia, liver complaint, bilious
remittent fever, constipation, choleraic com
plants, hatulence, and all intestinal disor
ders, it is thoroughly reliable remedy. Il
is the anti.febrile specific par excellence o.
the malarial districts Of this and other coun
tries, where diseases born of miasma prevail
and as general household remedy it is alsc
universally esteemed.