Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-11-09
Anmuruus department.

AN OFF lCER > w HcA lilo
Michigan cavalry brigade was sent West to
wallop the Indians, after the close of the war,
one Of the companies in the Sixth was COM
lnanded by a Lieutenant who was hated by ev-
ery man in his command. He realized this
fact and lost no opportunity to make it warm
for the boys. One evening when the regi-
ment went into camp Oh the banks of the
Platte, far beyond Omaha, the Lieutenant
rugged up fish line and slipped off down the
stream to try his luck. Rattlesnakes were
plenty out there then, and it was well known
that the officer had horror for them. He was
fishing away, getting a nibble now and then,
when one of the boys stole forward to within
ten feet of him and hoarsely whispered:
'For Heavens sake, Lieutenant, don't
move hand or foot! There's big rattler in
the grass behind you''
The officer was man Of nerve, and though
he heard every word he made no move. lie
realized the situation and after moment re-
piled:
''Can't you kill it p"
''No-he's too near you! III 60 to camp
for gun and come up on the flank !"
The officer heard the man crawl away, and
he sat like statue. The fish began to bite,
but he dared not move his arms. He saw the
sun 60 down and the darkness found him
rigid at his post When he had been III that
situation for forty minutes he could stand it
no longer. Gathering his breath and muscle,
he made leap into the water, and after swim
ming and wading for thirty rods, he climbed
out and struck for camp, as wet as rat and
loaded down with mud. The story had gone
round the camp and at least 400 men were out
to greet his return and question him regard
ing the length of the reptile The officer took
a solemn VOW to make somebody sweat for the
trick, but he fell before an Indians bullet be-
fore he had secured his revenge.-DetroH Free
Press.
THE LINE KILN CLUB.-The peach stones
ceased rattling around the hall, the windows
went down. the munching of peanuts was
hllshed and Brother Gardner had a firm hold
of the platform with his toes as he arose and
began
"a resident of my naburhud died de odder
day, and dis ebenin' de committee 'plnted to
write an eulogy on his character war showing
me a draft of what dey had prepared. De eu-
logy am in sections an quote it to you
s'Ie was a man who did not glib to de poor
wild one ham an steal from de tax payers wild
lie odder.
''He nebber gin a dollar to de heathen in
Africa, but he allus paid his debts i'll America.
''While he did not purfess to be perfeck
Christian, he remembered dat only one seat
belonged to him when he trabled.
''IIe made no great adoo bout his honesty,
an yit he remembered when an whar' he bor-
rowed hoe or shovel.
''He did not call hisself better dan his fel-
low man, an yit he had kind word for a boy
wild sore toe an a ton Of coal fur naybur
wild broken leg.
she felt dat he had a duty to do by de
church, an yit he entered circus by de front
tloah, an de SCUM of fiddle put new speerit
into his feet
eff he did not sing his hymns from de
housetops, neither did de world HAIR what he
said when he arrove home an foun' his wife
sick a-bed, de hired gal gone an de baby how
lin wild paper oh pins in his mouf. Ode
troit Free Press.
HORSE TRADING AND THEoLOGY.-AH Hud-
son River farmer who wanted better horse
than he possessed drove into Yonkers one
day with his nag, and hunting up certain
citizen who had the sort of horse he wanted
the farmer stated his desire to exchange, and
added II understand you are a Christian
man ?'' Eyes. sir" ''Belong to the Bap-
tist church 20 eyes" One of the deacons,
I believe 90 81 am" A trade was made
and the farmer drove home with the new
equine. But in the course of three days he
returned anu began ''See here, deacon, what
kind of man are you? You never told me
that the horse got from you had spavins and
ringbones and heaves ?'' ''No, l believe 1
didn't" ssWell, you are pretty Christian,
you are!'' ''My good friend, placidly replied
the good man, "if you can find it anywhere
in the good book that a deacon in the Baptist
Church must point out the defects in his own
horse where sinner is too ignorant to see
for himself, III admit my sin and trade back.
Come in and We'll hunt for the passage !''-
Wall Street Ne'rs
WHY He QUIT THE CHURCH.-''Parson,' -
said man, approaching an Arkansaw minis
ter, reckon you'd better take my name off
your church books and let me go!'
''Why so,'' asked the preacher. ''Iou have
always been consistent MEMBER
''Wall, you see stole mule and l thought
1t wouldn't be healthy for the church for me
to belong to it,"
when did you steal the mule :"
About six months ago."
''Why, since that time you have assisted in
several revivals When were you seized with
remorse ?"
''To day.
''Was there cause that influenced you to
make an acknowledgement -
Eyes, something of a cause
''What was it 20
''They proved that stole the mule. So
have concluded to quit the church. If they
hadn't proved it, would have remained Ion
ger. ."-Arkansaw Troreler.
THE RETURN OF OUR WIvEs.-It was in a
horse-car. She had been away for several
months, and the children had gone to the de-
pot to meet her. They chatted away merrly
while she patted their little heads and smiled
interestedly.
flows Mary ?'' she inquired, when they
both stopped for breath
''Oh! she's we'll She's taking her music
lessons right along"
And IIarry?''
"IIe's going to school. Started last week :"
And papa ?"
''He's well, too. He's having bully time.
lie said he didn't care if you didn't come back
for a year."
The passengers roared.
Grabbing the children with both hands she
rushed for the door with an I'll-get-even-wth-
neutrality-suspicious. on her face. Heaven
help him.-Baltinore Day.
a" The old woman kept a private bottle
from which she refreshed herself, from time to
time, as she felt the need, though none of the
family knew it. One evening, her daughter,
in rummaging through the pantry for dough-
nuts for her beau, spied the bottle, and had
the curiosity to draw the cork and apply her
nose to the aperture, at which moment the old
lady hove in sight and angrily demanded:
We'll, are you any wiser than you were ?
What do you suppose it is?" 81 don't know
what it is, mamma" answered the shrinking
maiden, 'but it smells just like Charities
moustache."
q He is very small boy, just beyond the
limits of babyhood. His precOciousness is