Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-08-26
Saturday Smiles.

-"Why, are you alive yet, my dear old friend?
l heard you were dead" "a nice friend YOU
are! You didn't even come to my funeral"
What Adam said on beholding the first sum
rise: go west my sum- go west''
"A correspondent, who has evidently been
reading some OF the weird and startling stories
in the Congressional Record, wants to know the
name OF the managing editor of that paper. and
wonders If he couldn't get Job conducting a
puzzle department In its columns. We think
not. The entire paper is puzzle department
TO the taXpay erS.-NOrristO,rn Herald
On certain occasion train which Mere
wether had gone to meet was somewhat late. A
testy old gentleman, a stranger to Merewether.
got out of all patience at the delay and eX-
claimed. 'What villainous station this Isl!
lhey Try to ifrltate one on purpose. Look at
those girls in the refreshment-rOom; why do they
dress them all in black" "Don't YOU know?'
said Merewether In most solemn tone of voice,
and with an awe-struck look on his face. NO.
replied the stranger, in subdued voice and
looking quite alarmed. "Why." said Mere
wether, "they are in mourning for the late
train!"
Atlanta Constitution correspondence: "As
came into the hotel corridor yesterday a young
lady screamed. Shut the door! Quick! There's
somebody comingn She had put Oh her bathing
suit TOR trial trip in her mothers room and
was Mortified that man should see her in that
Tx. A hall hour later she was lying on the
peach. the waves purling over her at every thrOb
OF the sea, and she was writing her name in the
sand with her toes. while her merry laugh rang
above the roar of the waves"
1t is touch and go with match.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Nature meant to make woman it's MASTER
piece.-Lessiaq
Instead Of which the old lady made Miss.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
A hackman raoantlv 1Uopt into tho C,rf of
Long Branch and encountered a huge shark.
Their eyes met for an instant. when the shark
blushed and swan out.-Puck.
When the hay begins to tumble
Then the busy bee doth humble
And he makes the granger tumble
In the IN insarI OF his pants;
And SO do the hoppers and the hornets and
the ants Meriden Recorder.
Quite sensation was created at circus at
Marquette. Mich. last week. In the act where
circus rider. disguised as drunken tramp
falls into the ring and wants to ride a horse the
rlngmaster threw the drunkard out, and with
much seeming indignation asked why there
were no policemen around to keep order. A
German policeman, who was standing by, and
who knew the man belonged to the circus. felt
indignant at having the police abused SO he
took the alleged drunken man, and, notwith-
standing the circus people tried to explain. the
circumstances he was hustled off to the lock
up, and the act was left out. After the show
former out, and abused the policeman a little
for being SO OfficiOus. The policeman said:
''Fell, choke is a choke, but ven man Zay
we're is de bOlice. and Wy don't dey arrest dat
drunk man. den de Marquette bolice is in dot
vicinity, and don't you forget it, Mr.. Circus,
bed you"
One of the favorite hymns OF the Salvation
army commences thus:
Elijah was jolly old man,
And was carried up TO heaven in a fiery van.
The moral of this interesting specimen of fer
vent psalmOdy is:
Let us every one be jolly old man,
And be carried up to heaven in fiery van.
London Truth.
Only as brother: ''My teeth are all full
of sand" said the fairest bather in the surf
"All right. hand them out" said an admirer,
"and I'll rinse them off for YOU And now she
regards him only as a brother.-Puck
Slightly conditional: Strangers visiting the
curious old town of Marbehead are very apt to
ridicule its pecularities. but sometimes the wit
of the old fishermen there completely eXtin-
gushes the wOuld-be- thought-funny-me A
short time ago stranger was driving near Fort
Sewall. and when his horse was headed di-
rectly for the ocean, hailed fisherman who was
standing on the shore with "My friend can
get to Manchester this way?' eyes, sir" re-
piled the sailor. "If your boss is web-footed
and you have faith in Christ, think you can"
Boston Post.