Brookings County sentinel. (Brookings, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1890, 1882-06-08
SPICE AND ALLSPicE.

"a MAN he was to all the country
dear"-the provision dealer.
MrNcE pie, cheese, lobster salad. No
sleep. Time to think.-Picayune.
SOME bootblacks clean boots by cleo
tricity, that is, they Brush light.
WHY is q piece of cheap flannel like a
dirty man? Because they both shrink
from washing.
The thrifty housewife never attains
perfection, for she is always meDding.-
Newbuyport Herald.
"JUDaEs," said a lawyer, "have al
ways great advantage over us poor fell
lows, for they guess last"
| "YoU can't tell Joke funny enough
to make good soda fountain man laugh
this year.-Boston Transcript.
A LITTLE boy, proud of his new jacket,
informed his sister that he was a six but
ton kid. Times.
"HAIL, gentle spring Diphtherial
mildness, hail !" is the way they put it
this season.-DetroH Free Press.
IT was Sidney Smith who retorted
upon some one who had called him an
everyday man: "Well, if I am an every
day man, you are weak one."
AN orator saying that he had very
mixed audience, was asked how it hap
pened. "Oh," said he, 81 stirred it up
so with my eloquence."
BEEF at twenty-five cents pound re-
minds the Chicago Inter. Ocean of the
time when the Israelites made calf out
of pure gold.
| A PHILADELPHIA man has figured up
that he will save $500 on ice cream, car
riage hire and theatre tickets this year.
BE has married the girl.-Phiiade,phia
NeDs.
TooTsY, on making the horrible dis
covery that her kitten had whiskers;
Ma, don't want dis tat Dis is
man tat I want dirl tat want
dirl tat p
THERE is no particular harm in raising
May poles in the north at this season OF
the year, but those who do so should be
cautioned to wrap them in cotton-batting
to prevent freezing.-Detroit Free
Press.
II GUESS dad wishes he'd die and 90
to heaven" said a miser's son to his
maternal parent. "Why so ?" she
asked, upon recovering from the aston
ishment. "Oh, cause heavens such a
cheap place to live in"
A sHIRT has two arms, the same as
pantaloons have two legs. Yet one is
called pair and the other is only one
Isn't it time that we let up on astronomy
and paid more attention to the every
day trifes that vex the clearest minds
WELL, my dear, are you getting on
nicely with your music ?" "Oh, yes,
mamma; last month when 1 played four
band pieces with my music teacher /
Now 1 am always at least three ahead. /"
MovING the jaws rapidly is said to be
a sure cure for nose-bleed. They must,
however, be moved so rapidly that the
woman in the next yard can'tte whether
you are saying goshallfshooktoTexas, or
now Ilaymedowntosleep. Free
Press.
AT Augusta, Ga, they filled q water
melon with good whisky, freeze the
melon in ice, and when they want way
farer to realize that life is worth the
living they lead him up to slice about
as big as a nail-keg. eg.-Detroh Free
Press.
An attorney about to finish bill of
costs was requested by his client, q
baker, "to make it as light as he
could" "Ah!" replied the attorney,
"that's what you may say to your fore
man, but it's not the way I make my
bread"
If you see man with new rake on
one shoulder, and O new hoe on the
other, and a spade under his arm, you
may know he lives in the suburbs and is
going into the work of raising his own
onions at cost of fifty cents apiece
Chicago Ne,os.
The latest joke about King Kalakaua,
of the Sandwich Islands, is that he can
not help being a good man. The reason
assigned is that his isancestors ate so much
missionary in their time that it worked
into their system, and was transmitted to
their descendants.
A sUTLER has applied for pension, on
account Of injuries received during the
late war. Probably strained himself Ill
a charge. Many of them were danger
ously exposed in that way when lean
cheese cost S1.75 pound, live weight.
Burlington HaIkeye.
THE following thrifty suggestion, we
need not say, comes from Connecticut:
To utilize old postal cards" cut length
wise into strips about an eighth of an
inch wide they make excellent lamp
lighters which burn readily, do not throw
of sparks, and leave scarcely trace Of
ashes"
"WHAT lunatic asylum is that?" asked
a stranger in Philadelphia, pointing to a
building from which the most horrible
sounds were issuing. "Why my dear
sir" was the reply, "that is not lunatic
asylum. That is female seminary; this
is the music practice hour. ."-Phitadet-
phia Neaos.
DOMESTIC INCIDENT: Cook-"Madame,
may I ask you for my testimonials 2"
Mistress-"What do you expect me to
write, you worthless creature? Surely,
1 cannot say that / am satisfied with
you." Cook" II isn't necessary. Only
write that remained with you three
months. That will be my best recon-
mendation. "-Fliegende Biatter.
THEY were speaking about cranial de-
formities down at the corner grocery last
evening, "I hold" said q fly yourg
man, "that man with big head is
Just as apt to be burned fool as man
with q small head" "True," replied
an elderly man who was holding down
the cover Of the sugar barrel, "but he
generally knows it and don't give him.
! self away" The young man ordered q
small bottle Of spruce beer Yale
NesCs.
"DD you see anything Of a strange
hen over in your yard, this morning,
|. Mr.. Brown p" "Well, yes, I did, Mr..
, Jones. There was . hen here that acted
} 90 strange among my young tomato and
! cucumber plants that ] thought there
, must be something the matter with her,
and 10 I concluded I'd try to cure hen.
"How you going 70 do i'll? "Weil,
: thought Td try what effect setting her
1 would have" "Where you going TO ~
!, her - "In dripping pan first. ana
I after that in the oven. Come over and