Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-11-01
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

a POOR man Is TO DE aVO1ded-he lacks
principal.
LADIES are up to their elbows In kid
gloves nowadays.
ROLL call-the breakfast bell. -IBos-
ton Com. Bulletin.
AN enterprising foundry-man has
named an economical stove he has in
vented the "Semi-coal- 'un. "-LOtOeW
Courier.
HOLD the forte for / am coming!'
said the muscular man, as his pals stag
gered on the stairway under the weight
of the piano.
WHERE are the men of rs ?" shrieks
an excited exchange. Oh, to Halifax with
the men of rs Give us the women of
% l-Burdette.
The remark "Blood, VIII Tell" was
probably addressed by Gesler to the
celebrated Swiss marksman.
Com. Bulletin.
The Journal heads a paragraph GA
Swlndler Wanted" Probably chance
for man to act as president of a new
mining company.
A DAILY chicken train has been started
on the Pennsylvania Railroad. They
have passenger cochin the rear and
locomotive to pullet.
WILL the coming man use both
arms ?" is asked. He doubtless will, if
the coming woman is able to drive the
orse.-LOaOeW Citizen.
A New YORK woman recently paid
$3.50 for her dogs portrait. Well, it is
probably worth great deal more than
the dog. Citizen.
PHILADELPHIA boasts man who tried
to poison seven people. Ia man who
isn't doctor this seems extraordinary.
philadelphia CjtrOn5cle- Herald.
A BOY, describing how he had tooth
drawn, said: "The doctor coilared me,
pulled like wild horses, and just before
my head came off the tooth dropped
out"
FACT in physics: Soon after Sir Hen
ry Rivers took orders ne was told by
friend that he would undoubtedly become
"Why so ?" because rivers invariably
go to the seas. "-QuiS.
SAID railroad engineer to an Irish
man, whose COW had been killed: ''But
she didn't get out of the way when I
rang the bell" "Faith, thin, " said Pat.
"ye didn't shtop when she rang her bell,
nayther. "-HoteI Mail.
LET the Monday washing and the
yearling calf spend the night in the
same back yard and that part of the
washing left outside of the calf IN the
morning will be in good shape to feed
the goat on.-Det. Free Press.
A New YORK man says he keeps chops
and steaks for several days In the hot
test weather by burying them In meal.
Meal is good thing In any weather for
~ refer just now to the morning NEAL
Dan. NeUs.
GILL pass, ledge, you can make it,"
said an Iowa offender when asked If he
was equity or not guilty" of selling
liquor. The "Jedge" had evidently
played card or two. He replied: eff
that's your hand I'll make it $75." The
offender lost.
"WHAT will I do with my hens if
they do not lay ?" Let them get into
your neighbours garden among the vege-
tables. If they do not lay the neighbor
will probably lay for them. The only
trouble about this method is the hens
are laid out SO soon.-Ieac. Ssft.
"YEs," said Burkenstein, IssI came
pretty near doing mean thing to-day.
[ had counterfeit half, and was about
to give it to poor blind beggar who
asked fer aims, but resisted the temp
tation and got an old apple woman to
change it by buying five cents worth of
fruit. boston Transcript.
AN eccentric Scotch lord has left his
property, worth $500, 900, to his servants.
We never hear OF servant leaving
100000 to his employer, but In this
country such thing would be possible,
if the servant was engaged one season at
summer resort hotel.-Nor. Her.
"SIRE, your greatest enemy is dead
exclaimed the messenger who brought
to George ~. the news of the death Of
Napoleon Bonaparte. "When did she
die? eagerly inquired the ''first gentle
man in Europe" The poor man natur-
ally supposed it was his wife that had
shuffled off the mortal coil.
A THREE-YEAR-o1D boy, who was
about leaving home with his mother to
be absent several months, was asked by
his father, "What would you do, my
son, if I should die while you are
away ?" The little fellow burst into a
torrent of tears, and, between the sobs,
said, "Why, papa, would ask God to
make you over again.
TIE postofice authorities are some
what bothered about the proper dess;na-
ton of a postal card directed to So James
Bone, alias Jas. E. Mulherren, in care
of Mike Flynn, or his sister Julia, or her
cousin Mary Ann, corner of street with
no number, Pottsville, retail huckster
and tin horn artist. IF not there, next
door" Potts. Min. J0atr.
THE superstitious colored people of
West India, as a rule, before drinking
pour small quantity of the liquid on
the ground. "When hen drink she lift
she head to God and say, sTank you;'
when man drink he drink and says
muffin. >" This may be true In India,
but it seems as though we have heard
men who were drinking in this country
saw " Fill 'em I'D again: I'U fix Won