The news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1882-1891, 1882-10-10
HUMOROUS.

~ Picoeo youl uOHOr, SAID law
yer, addressing one of the New York judi
ges, i brought the prisoner from the Jail
on a habeas corpus" SWELL" said fellow
in an undertone, who stood in the rear Of
the court, "these fellows will say anything
l saw the man get out of cab at the
court house door,"
Heartily Recommended.
Don't condemn good thing because
you have been deceived by worthless nos
trum. Parker's Ginger Tonic has cured
many In this section of nervous disorders
and we recommend it heartily to such suf-
ferers.-Nsws.
A wit and punster asked captain Of
craft laden with boards how he man.
aged to get dinner on the passage. Why
replied the skipper, "we always cook
aboard" Cook board, do your ie-
Joined the wag; "then I see you have
been we'll supplied with provisions this
trip, at all events"
Mothers Should Know II.
Fretful babies cannot held disturbing
everybody, and mothers should know how
soothing Parker's Tonic is. 1t stops
babies pains, makes them healthy, re-
lieves their own anxiety, and is safe to
use.--Journal.
"You have been here long time sup
poser said traveller to an old hunter
in Oregon. "You swear have said the
hunter and then, pointing to Mount
Hood, he continued: "You see that noun
tain there? Well, sir, when first came
to this country that mountain was hole
in the ground.",
A certain deacon being accustomed 10
snore while asleep in church, he received
the following polite note: deacon Jones
is requested not to commence snoring to-
morrow until the sermon is begun, as
some persons in the neighborhood of his
pew would like.to hear the text"
Gray hairs often cause annoyance, which |
Parker's Hair Balsam prevents by restor-
ing the youthful color.
A clergyman, being much pressed by a |
young lady of his acquaintance to preach
sermon the first Sunday after marriage, |
complied, and took the following verse
from Psalms, as his text "And there
shall be abundance of peace-whiie the
moon endureth."
Lippincott's Cough Syrup and Dyspep- |
STA Tonic tell their own story. Sold by |
dealers generally. Tonic $1.00 per bottle, |
syrup rs and so cents. Office and labor
atory, Mount Holly, N. J.
za j. 2. LIPPINcorT, Proprietor.
A young lady in Minnesota boasts of
having ten grown up brothers to watch
over her; but the girls around this town
prefer to have only one brother to watch
over her--proyided he is the brother of
some other girl,
DIR. Kline's great nerve restorer is the
marvel of the age for all nerve diseases.
All fits stopped free. Send to 931, Arch
St., Philadelphia, Pa.
L Deem 1t My Duty to Tell
what DR.. Swayne's Compound syrup OF Wild
Cherry has done for me: l had violent
cough, night sweats, sore throat, great weak
ness, with severe attacks ofhemorrhage, gave
up all hopes of recovery. I am cured,
$500 - EDWARD Il. HANSON,
Engineer of Sweenys Pottery,
1884 Ridge Avenue, Philanelphia,
Over twenty-five years have elapsed and
] am still hearty man.
tom, you seem to gain flesh every
day, the grocery business must agree with
you. What did you weigh lasi.?" swell
Jim, I really forget now, but ] think ii
was pound of butter"
Elegant Toilet Preparations.
Hair dressing, and restorative is found in
London Hair Color Restorer." 1t seldom
fails to restore gray or faded hair to its orig
inal youthful color and beauty Falling
hair Is checked by its use. and 1T produces
growth Of beautiful yonn9s hair soft glossy
cleanly and effective hair restorer now be.
fore the merican people.
A. A. Gibson, Barry t0wn, Duchess county,
ny, writes Or. Swayne Son, Philadel-
eight dollars: please send me one dozen bot
ties of the London Hair Color Restorer.''
1t has stopped my hair from falling, and re-
stored t. to is natural color. i has proven
Hair Color Restorer" canb be obtained at all
the leading druggists at rs cents a bottle.
The omission of comma on an epitaph
in cemetery causes the inscription to
read Erected to the memory of John
Phillips, accidently shot as mark of af-
lection by his brother"