Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-07-12
HEWsP WIT.


When professor distributes his circu-
lars he has pupil in his eye Musical
Herald.
"We believe thoroughly in short horns, "
says the Louisville C0aier-Jouno{, but
whether with or without sugar is not stated.
Ex Secretary Evarts is at Saratoga. With
the exception of writing one letter IN July
MIR. Evarts expects to spend summer OF
entire rest.
A Japanese girl was one OF the gradu-
I ating class ut Nassar last week. The
heathen in their blindness have TO come TO
this country to learn gum-chewing.
Judge Tourgee says the live man is al.
ways to be found in front. but we observe
that many who are alive to-day kept
pretty well to the rear during the war
! boston Post.
The New Orleans levees that are too low
are not the tax levies, which are as high
as So 10 on the hundred dollars. ls
bothers some OF the property owners to
keep their heads above water. Texas
Siftings.
One end of the Brooklyn Bridge is fall
ing down of old age but they hope to have
the other end completed in time to make
some repairs on the first end before the
| other end falls down also Burlington
Hawkeye.
Yes, Judge" said the prisoner, -" ad-
init that the back of my trousers was
tangled in the dogs teeth, and that |
dragged the animal away, but if you call
that stealing dog no man ON earth is zafs
from committing crime. y Boston Post.
Reports of the revival of the national
game of base ball are very encouraging.
Five deaths have already resulted from it
in this State this season. The more life
that is thrown into the game, the more
| deaths result therefrom. .--[Norristow
Herald.
Little Miss Innocent seated at dinner,
to pompous old cove] "Mr. S., won't you
| drink :" S." Yes, my dear, certainly.
But WHY Miss l." Because mamma
| says you driak like fish, and want to
see how fishes drink S.-l !-[Colum.
bis Spectator.
The Hungarians have national dance
the csardas intended to represent
the unquiet coure of true love" We
have never seen the dance, but presume
the greater part of it consists of an elderly
gentleman kicking young man off the
front stoop.-[ Burlington Hawkeye
N. 2. Willis once said "Thc sweetest
thing in life is the unclouded welcome OF
wife" This is true, indeed, but when her
+ welcome is clouded with an atmosphere OF
angry words and coal scuttles, there is
something about it that makes man want
to go out in the woodshed and sleep on the
ice chest. Il Boomerang.
Jim Webster was driving buggy rapidly
down Austin avenue, when he knocked
down and run over old Uncle Nose, but, aa
if by miracle, the old man was not in.
iured in the least. Look heah, Jim, you
had better be more keerful." "Pse gwine
ter be, Uncle Nose, jes SO soon as has
| buggy OBJ my own ter drive. Dis heah
turnout don't belong to me."-[Texas Siit-
ings.
A little 5.year.old boy was being in
structed in morals by his grandmother.
The old lady told him that all such terms
as "by golly," '' by jingo," "by thunder,
etc were only little oaths, and but little
better than other profanities. Ia fact, she
said, he could tell profane oath by the
prefix by. All such were oaths.
Well, then, grandmother, said the little
! hopeful, e" is by telegraph, which see
| in the papers, swearing" "No," said
the old lady, that's only lying. "-[Rome
Sentinel.
They were standing just by the front
gate of the old farm house, farmer Robin.
son leaning on the gate post. Well,
miss, | hope you've enjoyed yourself this
summer. We hain't put on much style for
you, but we've meant to treat you sort @
so SO. "Don't mention it pray" replied
Miss Fitzjoy It's been the most delight
full season ever knew. Why, I've learned
so much about farming that really believe
shall set cut some cucumber trees in the
conservatory, and have them fresh for
breakfast all winter