The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1882-09-07

THE SPOOPENDYKES

Coming up the river the other dav.
eaW middle-aged gentleman in plu
bat and business coat seated i'll SEQ,
beside an attractive lady, feeling al oun
among lot Of strings pendant from th
side Of the boat, and warning the lady tina
she could not keep too quiet.
"Now my dear" observed the gentle
man, ''don't you move, for feel q crab OF
this line. I'll pull him up until he is il
sight. and then you slip the net under him
See ?''
Eyes, DEAR" replied the lady, littl,
fustered as she contemplated her share O
the performance. "But, Mr.. Spoooen
dyke, what shall I do when I get the ne
under him?"
'Scap him!" retorted Mr.. spoopen.
dyke, drawing slowly on the line. E'Nov
wait; he's there" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
became even more cautious in his move
ments. "Soe him! There he is! Scalp
him Quicl1!''
Mrs Spoopendyl1e jabbed the net into the
water and sWashed around with great
vigor.
"What ye doing?" yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, Strengthening up and glaring at her,
as the crab struck line for Newark bay.
"What'd ye think I had there, the bot
tom Of the river? What'd ye suppose ye
was trying to catch, church! Take it
out! Give it here!" And he grasped the
inly &ho ,,I
away from her.
"Did I scalp him ?" asked Mrs. spoop-
endyke, flushed with her exortions and
trembling with excitement. "Show him
to ME! Let me see what he looks like!"
Looks like!'' roared MI. Spoopen-
dyke. ''He looks like Sandy Hook by
this time! Why didn't ye scalp him ?
What's tile matter with you?'
I'll couldn't tell which was his head,''
faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, who hadn't
seen anything at all. ''Pull hi1n up again,
and you'll see if don't scalp the last hair
on his skull?"
The English language lost its last charm
for Mr.. Spoopendyke, and he turned to
to his strings with a whitening look Of con-
tempt for his wife.
Now you be careful, - he said at length
"Here's another yarmint, and you
mustn't LET him get away. When say
scalp you shove the net under him and
just bring him aboard.''
"Can you see him yet?' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, waving the net overhead
and peering into the water.
"Wait!" Yes, there he is! Careful,
remember. Now, Scalp!!"
lie must have been crab Of phenom-
enal scholastic advantages to have gotten
rid Of that swoop, for Mrs. Spoopendyke,
with view to redeenling herself, went for
the end Of the string blindly, but with a
strength Of purpose that made failure i'm
possible. She not only got the crab, but :
she slammed net, crab, and al over Mr..
Spoobendyke's head. =
What-wha-h!'' shrieked that gentle
man as he felt himself impounded.
Lost him again!" exclaimed Mrs.
who hadn't the remotest
Idea what crab looked like. "Why,
dear, what's that awful big spider in the =
net! Good gracious! I" =
Take it of ~ howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. =
Take it-woW the dod-gasted thing has
got me by the ear! Haul him off, will :
YEP" J
Mrs. Spoopendyke dropped the handle :
OF the net as if it were All oit1-fashioned =.
bonnet, and gazed upon her husband in :,
:
"Dod-gast the measly crab!'' yelled Mr.. i +
tearing the netaway. "Let al
90, ye brute! Wah-ha!!'' and the untor- &C
.nhate man Wrenched the fish from of his Ie
sar and dashed it in the bottom Of the
ne boat. 'sWhat's your measly scheme
Il doing that?" he demanded, holding his
'aT "lth one fist and shaking the other at OF
IlS Wife, ''Think you've got to eat 'em
1ght out Of the ~ Got notion "
nat he came up cooked and you must
lo"n him quick or he'll epoil?" yelled Mr.. th
enraged beyond control by tu
nc sight Of the carnage that trickled down
liz hngers. "HFhat'd ye mean by it?'' ol
nj he sprang into the air and alighted hs
N the unhappy crab, slipping up and g
pra"ling full length in the bottom OF the
oat
Was that a crab, dear? asked Mrs. W
poopendyke, assisting her husband to CO
lase, and contemplating the mangled fish ~
nth anything but favor. ITS that what
on call crab? 7 thought!'' wi
" You thought" ripped Mr.. spoopen- bu
yke, kicking at the bewildered crab. -
THAT'S the trouble with you-you think III
~ ye tnlnk was going 20 stand here and ye