Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-09-09
Artemus Wards Fun.


companion as he was. and it was the
actors who taught him to give express
ion to his irresistible flow of spirits in d
succession of practical jokes of harm
less sort, yet comical beyond measured
their very oddity and unexpectedness.
''Come in here! come in here!' said
he one day in Boston to the companion
walking with him. "Come in here; we
will have some fun" It was a Boston
pie-bakery which they entered-a place
pies were a specialty-where pies and
nothing but pies we're sold, wholesale
and retail, all the livelong day Browne
approached the counter, behind which
the proprietor of the establishment was
standing, and asked, in his bland insin-
uating voice, ''Have you any pies?"
"Pies!'' replied the astonished proprie-
tor. eyes. pies" ''Pies! !" repeated
the man still more dumfounded. "Of
course = Pies! Have you any pies?"
pies! !" gasped the shopman once
more, gazing at Browne as if he thought
him an escaped lunatic. sob, well, if
you haven't got any pies, I'll inquire
somewhere else; Come Jack?" and he
marched his friend out of the shop
his wits.
Artemus delighted to FLIP the sedate
responsibility of Boston, while loving
the place sincerely. One day, in the
early afternoon, having a lecture to
deliver that evening some of his friends
concluded that he would not be able to
talk SO well at night if he kept on talk
ing in front of the bar at the Parker
House. They accordingly insisted on
an Immediate adjournment, and Artemus
suspecting the game, determined to
revenge himself. He locked arms with
two gentremen very well known, indeed,
in she city-one a manager of the lead
ing theater, the other public officer,
high in the confidence and books of the
commonwealth, and walked ffwith then.
along the city's most crowded and fash
ionable thoroughfare. Acting as If he
was in custody and needed the care of
his companions, and making his voice
conspicuously loud, Artemus began:
''Gentlemen, you are probably aware
that the noble red man, the incompara-
BILE savage of our plains, forests and
mountain Businesses, whom have studi-
ed closely in his native wilds, has various
modes of expressing the emotions which
swell his generous bosom, and of giving
voice to the ceremonial traditions inher-
tied from an immemorial ancestrys His
cries and dances are equally peculiar,
and he has particular sort Of whoop for
each particular occasion. The scalp
dance, the var dance, the beer dance,
the dance of skulls, each has its appro-
pirate halloo, and so has the feast of the
moon, the harvest feast, and so forth,
But no verbal description, gentlemen.
can give you an idea Of the these vigor-
GUS cries. They must be heard to be
appreciated; and to him who has never
heard them they are startling as the rev.
Citations of a lifetime. In illustration of
what have said. gentlemen, will now
proceed to give you an imitation of the
yell OF the noble savage as, tomahawk
in hand, he springs exultant from his
ambush upon the astounded foe.
Thereupon Browne executed a start
ling and tremendous war-whoop, which
made people turn for blocks around and
| drew upon him the attention of thou
sands.
ST will now give you," said Artemus
after regaining his breath, ga faint imi-
tation of the warriors cry as he returns
to his wigwam, the scalp of his slain
enemy dangling at his belt"
Another war-whoop; and thus the
scamp kept up his game for mile or so,
until his friends got him at last to his
hotel.
Russian Nihilism.
In notice of Victor Tissot s s'Rus-
slams and Germans" the London Specta-
tor says: "The author confirmed what
has always been our opinion-namely.
that the Nihilists in Russia are numer-
ically unimportant. Wherein. then.
does their strength lie? How are thew
able to paralyze d vast military Empire.
and make the absolute master of
SO,OOO, QUO OF subjects prisoner in his
own palace? The author answers the
question IN sentence. their strength
he says, 'ies not in their number, for
they are but handful, but in their
fanaticlsm, in their mystic exaltation,
IN their somber energy, in their stead
fast resolution to perish to the last man.
whether by torture or the gallows, with
the heroic frmness displayed by the
early Christians struggling against the
Emperors, and against the pride OF
strength and the rotting Pagan society,
Political assassinations are rare. and at.
tempts at them generally unsuccessful,
because the assassins take 100 many pre-
cautions to insure their own escape.
The Russian Nihilists, handful as they
are, are formidable because they gladly
sacrifice their lives in the prosecution Of
their designs. Their self-sacrifcing zeal
Is, after all, only perverted form of the
splendid heroisaa which conquered Ma
poleon by the confagation of Moscow.
But who are the Nihilists? The major
ity of them, says NJ. Tissot, consists of
students who have failed in their exam
nations, or whom poverty has driven
from the universities; embittered school
masters, underpaid public officials who
are dying of hunger, Lieutenants and
subalterns who have been disappointed
in their ambitions. Pessimist ideas have
invaded these brains, and from pessim-
ism to Nihilism there is but one STEP
NJ. Tissot calls attention to the notable
fact that the Nihilist ranks are largely
recruited by Jews. There ten times
as many Jews as there are Russians.
Poles or Germans And what is still
VIZ ~