The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1882-06-30
VOL. XIII.-NEw SERIES.
A Strange Dream.
NO. 8.

ding to Marsite science, the human family Is
divided into 6ve races, namely. men, women,
children, preachers and candidates These races,
] thought. we're likewise sub divided into various
classes. The first race. thought, was divided
into big men. little MEN. won d be big men, big
little men and little. big men. The women race. |
was divided into fair. lovely, more lovely, most |
lovely and Just too lovely for anything" The |
children was divided into Two three |
classes, mostly boys and girls but about the
preachers, thought that judging from thoir |
general appearances, was at loss to conjecture
why they should be regarded as a separate race.
was Informed, as thought that their distin-
gushing characteristics were wearing black and
peculiar aversion to chickens. They were di
vided into several classes. First, there werc the
oplptSif. who professed to see good in every
thing. wbo, claimed that all "ihe changes that
ha taken place daring The -laxt- sexaral --xears
thought. were a living. practical contradiction of
their theory. inasmuch rs they practically did
not accept the situa ion in everything and we're
laboring. professediy. to make things better.
Second were the Pessimists. the very opposite of
the first class, who saw little good outside of
themselves and the little clique party they
represented. They regarded all natural science
as from The Evil one, aud If any one ventured
criticism which they thought could apply either
TO then or their party, they were soon heard
from. Then thought that there was n third
class, called plagiarists, who played the part of
the jackdaw in the fnble-who stuck peacock
fe"thers among his own and attempted to pass
himself OF for peacock. thought that "Pul-
pit Cyolop@lns'' books of sermo onic selections,
were great mvorites with this class and that they
would rattle off such picked up and stilteL har-
nngnes with as much assurance and verbosity,
as IL they had done some tall, deep, broad think
ing; AMI II was surprising how they could fool
the people Of Mars. A fourth class Of their
preachers thought. we're called jumpers. and
that they could out ptjump any other living crea.
!, ture. To- make II clear, 'cautious timd people,
IL, 0r1a inse al
,xsfs 400 broad to be stapped dcrsss. usesisa Pc
Suifar'kihd OF pontoon bridge. which. ! believe
they CALLED syliogism. which consisted IF just
three spans, or sections, and which. if properly
N' u',e"' ""e rerfectly safe. No far as il would
reach. There were int eiIsy,ual cbusms with
could moi bespnnned by the bridge, anL % ,tious
timid people wonld not venture any further than
this bridge went. These jumpers. held these
bridges in contempt. They had hut to decide
upon reaching point, or conclusion, and they
would reach II At a bound. Some ofthem how
ever would use The bridge, or sonnet hing resem
bling ii-"ften of very faulty construction-aud
would g" as far as The bridge would carry them
and jump the balance of the way. l thought
that these intellectual gymnasts were numerous
Another class Of this race were the clerical
wenlbercocks. This class seemed to act as
Al they Thought that the special object of their
creation was I" hum0r the crOi chefs, crauks and
whim WHAT'S OF the more wealthy and so called
"inhuennal members of their cha, ges They
e.
athUaght 'thm there was certain Rev. Mr.
'Smcdfht ongne. n fair representative of this
'chss, VINO, as io8g as everything favored his
purposes. wns all smiles and sunshine, hu, that
he would try to crush any one who opposed him.
1t was said that this good brother had been at
few places IL his life. long at n time, without
getting iuto serious difficulty with some one
and.it was even hinred that he was rather eco
:n"micai in the use Of truth. when that article
did not exactly suit his purpose. lie had a
Arst Cousin, as Thought. the Rev. Mr.. Facing
buthw ys, Eausi excellent charncie,, '.greniIy
beloved and pradigiously ..useful." Another
class OF this race we're called cacklers. They
were addict d 20 csckling at the slightest pro-
vocation. The Rev. MIR. Spooney was gracious.
Iy presented with mess Of ,urnip &, Gems and u
pint Of Skinned milk. by n good old sister nm.
other gave him q pair Of socks and the proceeds
of little domestic ciiarade, which netel thirty
seven and half cents. His cup Of joy was full.
and half a coluu,n of cacklng appeared in the
next nug6er of he Evangelical Vindicator. the
organ ot ms party. All his movements and &C.
c,es'asfical exploits. of which there were many.
were promptly heraided. tie ses-.ed to 6s
double triggered. faso- ofiyfrest touch being
sum0'.~' to send him off Another, il seemed
h"d gotten hold ofthe paps Of some missionary
ou. ms exploits did not come so very thick
anu rapid; but ah ahmi he kept the public
'daiiy posted. ah F.! ahm as to the Increase of
congregation and the general Improvement i'm
uhe appearance 0f his fields of labor ab abu, :
mug" me MARSHES were greatly afraid that
'nese aehr brethren would die from the effects of
'o1ceSslve modesty.i in.sI.0t- CLASS of preachers
were the independents, who were governed bv
'"he crotchefs. cranks. and whim. wham, of n,
person or party; who trimmed their sails TO suit
mo popular breeze: but making truth their guild.
ing star ana moral integrity their com pass. thew
sought TO meet the responsibilities ,f tho .nI,.r.
IN which they moved. with view 10 their az.
'oountabiity 10 God alone. They were NOT nm
mar rs thought, and yet | thought that all
latter class ~ '"''
The race Of candidates. I thought. was the leas,
kn wn OF any Of the five races not tbnt tbev
were few or obscure, but that tbcy p.ss.sseI
pecu'i"rities Thought to be incom preheDsible
inonghf that the scientists of Mars had come IN
the eeseins'on that this race was remot civ reia
esd 10 that peculiar kind oflizard, which changes
.ts Is soior WIN surrounding objects. l thought
anat they were the triendIiest, pleasantest mos,
ais,nteres,ed people that ever lived that thew
had been known to ride for days, even weeks
looking after the general welfare of the people
OF large PROVINCE. Ii was said that one went
ten miles out OF his way to shake hands with n
aan' tew OF The .arsites had almost come |
20 me conclusion that there was a covert knign |
an all this. and that there were private sI6sb
ehds 10 De served but no QUE dared exnres.
this opinion publicly. I thought 1 heard a dor
Key picking banjo one pight. Ia his cabin on
the outskirts OF little village. and that among
thus: ''"""
80. white folks listen. will you nowf
Dis darky guine ter sing:
I've hit upon subject now,
think will be the thing.
u nshber likes TO git mixed up
Wild other folks affairs,
~ But my npinion am just now,
Bout folks dat put on airs.
De Off CO hunter FMS, Of all,
On public days will stan,
An cherry man dat cones along
He'll grab i'm by lie han;