The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-05-17
WIT AND HUMoR.

Wonder if grass widows ever have
hay feverP
The richest men are oftenest pressed
for money-by other people.
Never cry over split milk The milk
man has already wasted enough water
on il.
Literary: II occasionally drop into
poetry" as the man said when he fell
into the editorial waste-basket
People are for ever talking of laying
up something for rainy day, when they
know well enough that it is the fine
lays that bankrupt the purse
''Oh, fol a better half" said the sor-
rowing widower when he found coun-
terfeit tifty-cent piece among his
change.
II does aggravate a man tot think that
while his wife isn't afraid to tackle him
and nearly yank his head off, she is
madly terrorized by a COW that he can
chase out OF the yard at any time.
The only great musical performers
who are perfectly happy when engaged
10 play at private parties arethe cornet-
lists They can easily make noise enough
TO drown the conversation.
A man does his counting in private
and seclusion. John Henry, as boy,
goes behind the woodshed TO suck his
orange. Not because he is ashamed of
1t, but because he wants il all himself
81 do love foolr said Ophicleide
with q scornful glance at his neighbor
"You conceited egotistr' replied Fog
horn, with scathing calmncss; and the
fight was over before the police could
get there.
"Neyer milk while the COW is eating"
Is the advice Of a bucolic contemporary.
Judging from the character Of much Of
the milk that comes 10 market, it would
be more 10 the point never to milk while
the COW is drinking.
A man who eloped with u Wisconsin
wife left note for the husband: II have
looked your woman; but you are well
cum 10 my last weeks wages, wich
didn't draw; and l hoap that squares
things"
The editor Of the Sauquoit On. W
Register suggests that persons sending
In big eggs will please accompany them
by several ordinary-sized ones, not for
publication, but as a guarantee Of good
faith.
Bedsteads with looking-glasses over
head are things Of the past II man
cannot tell when be wakes up without
looking in glass TO be sure Of it, he is
In n condition that cannot be helped by
furniture,
Sarah Bernhard carried a Greek
across the Continent TO London mar
ried him and rushed off TO Madrid,
where she is now taking him to the bull
fights. The fragility Of Sara's health
prevented regular bridal tour.
care girls worth anytbingP" is a re-
cent high class conundrum. That de-
ponds. Some girls are worth $3.50, 00C
In their own right, and some girls aren',
worth cent of money, and yet their
value cannot be estimated
A Texas boy shot at a rabbit with 9
rifle. The ball passed through the ami
NAL, killed a sheep, struck stone and
glanced two hundred yards and buried
Itself in negro's leg. What's the use
Of DR.. Carver trying to shoot?
II was mean man and a Chicago ar
list who announced the exhibition of ,
magniiicentpiec of sculpture, "The Oh,
Trapper" and then when the delude,
crowd paid their dimes and went int,
the hall showed them fine.tooth coml
Of the vintage Of 1859
A railroad engineer saying that th,
usual life Of locomotive was only thir
~ years, a passenger remarked tina
such tough-looking thing ought to liy,
longer than that "Well," responde,
N the engineer, perhaps it would if /
didn't smoke so much"
In the sweet, balmy delicious happi
ness Of loves first young dream yout
will cot only insist on cracking walnut
for his girl, but in picking outthe good
\ ios as Scll Two years after marriag
N he vii not even let her have the pickle
Y until he Is through.