Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1882-12-02
WIT AND HUMOR.
An Enormous Swell-A balloon.


Autumn is now busily engaged
" turning the leaves of time"
What is sweeter than taffy?"
asked Angeline of Augustus. My
sweetheart he replied, and Ange-
line believed him.
A child thus defines gossip: It's
when nobody don't do nothing. and
somebody goes and tells of it."
That stove saves half the fuel"
said an ironmonger FAX, thin.
I'll take two of thin, and save it ALL"
replied his customer
A schoolma' am, who was recently
kissed in the dark by mistake, ex-
planned her omission to use any light
for nearly two weeks afterwards on
the ground of hard times.
An Iowa Quaker shot the contents
of loaded gun into thief who was
helping himself to watermelons. kill
ing the miscreant instantly. The
gun was not n Quaker one"
Fellow citizensw cried IA stump
orator the other day; fellow citi-
zens! | solemnly warn you that our
country is rapidly drifting into
arnica!" Perhaps he meant anarchy.
The tramp who strayed into a
farmers premises and tried to make
off with "a cheese, came out with a
black eye, acknowledging that he had
been rather dairyiiched in the pur-
suit of his duties.
The happiest moments in a wo-
mans life are when shn Isl a'iing ht
wedding garments. The saddest,
when her husband comes home late
at night, and yells to her from the
front steps to throw him out some
keyholes, assorted sizes.
A country paper, in an obituary
notice of subscribers son, says: HE
was an uncommon smart boy. HaC
little too much curiosity, perhaps
or he wouldn't have peeped SO ia
tally into the muzzle of his father
loaded shot gun.
Mrs. Henry" said John to hi'
wife, the other morning, If yor
give me Christmas present this yeal
please arrange it SO that the bill won't
come in till the next month. It's ius
as we'll to keep up the illusion for {
short time"
A dissipated old negro in Mont
gomery, Ala, while watching the
monkeys in the menagerie in that
city, spoke thus: Dem children got
too much sense to come outer dat
cage; white folks cut DER tails off
and set 'em to workin' and votin' anc
maxim considerations
A gentleman who had tarried late
at his club, found his wife awaiting
his return in high state of nervous
ness. She said |" Here I've beer
waiting and rocking in the chair til
my head spins round like top
Jess SO. wife. where I've been" re-
sponded he; lit is in the atmos
pierre"
"Brutus Blinkenberry," said tina
gentleman's wife. drawing a paper
from her pocket in the privacy OF the
chamber on Sunday morning -"Bru
tus Blinkenberry. I've counted, ant
out of the last thirty days you've
come home intoxicated twenty sever
nights. What do you think of your
self" Blinkenberry groaned. well
what are you grooming about now?
"Them three nights replied Blink
enberry. with an expression of hor
rible Suffering.
A new prison chaplain was recent
ly appointed in certain town IL
Scotland. He was man who great
" magnitied his office, and entering
one of the cells OH his first round OF
inspection, he. with much pomposity
thus addressed the prisoner who occu
pied it: "Well, sir, do you know who
am?" "No, nor l dinna care" wa:
the nonchalant reply. We'll, I'm
your new chaplain" "Oh, ye are
Weel, haze heard o We before" And
what did We hear" returned the
chaplain, his curiosity getting the
best of his dignity. "Weel. | heard
that the last two kinks ye were in ye
preached them bath empty; but I'll
be hanged if you'll find it such an
easy matter to do the same with this
| onav'