Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-11-22
WIT AND HUMoR.

You do not ask for sO-many- button
gloves now-a-days, for their length 10
reckoned by the yard.
The New Orleans Picayune protests
against calling every ruf,ian cowboy
as AN insult to the cows.
Ii WAS French woman who exclaini-
ed: ''How nice cold water would be il
it were only wicked to drink it,
Let a man start ont to commit suicide,
and on his way to the river be murder
ously assaulted. and ho'll fight like
fiend for his life.
Confederate bonds are still selling at
three dollars per face value of $1,000.
1t is cheaper to buy the regular styles
Of wall paper, however.
A little boy who was discovered the
other day in the dairy, endeavoring to
steal cream. SAYS there's many slipper
between tisr cup and The Upper. .,
The Boston AdccfsiSer has discovered
that if man applies himself diligently
TO getting the juice out of an orange be
generally suck seeds.
"Angelina"-N we do not think it
would be practicable to feed the live
stock on an ocean steamer in the trough
of the sea.
In the new arithmetic one reads. '.In
one lot there are four calves, and in an
other two young men with their hair
banged. How many calves in ALP"
BY all means keep fowls. Farmers
who own hens invariably find that their
seeds come up quicker than those who
do not.
Thomas Hardy's new novel is 1.-TWO
on a Tower" If he refers to \ newly
married couple, his spelling is erron-
couS.
We learn from an exchange that
Wclshman's oath is "Y' NV lying wcgll."
This is too awfully awfully awful, and
it looks like \ tish-worm. -Derrick.
The oldest inhahitant is generally
man-not because he is given to lying,
but because he commenced owning up
to his age sooner
A fool in high station is like a man
in n balloon everybody appears little
to him, and he appears little to every
body.
Amt that a lovely critter. John"
said Lccrusha, rs they stopped opposite
the leopard's cage. "Waal, yes" said
John, ''but he's drcffully freckled, amt
hep
Il wish was worth Million" said
close-iisted man. why SOP" asked
a friend; "you don't spend half Your
present income" 80. should like TO he
economical on larger scale"
A cable dispatch that ~ mine was
discovered in street in Moscow. Rus
sia." was headed by an innocent Jour-
nalistic head-writer as "a bonanza in
Moscow"
"The Manners that VIM is the title
Of new work on etiquette. This. we
presume is intended 10 teach man how
to look unconcerned when he holds four
aces.
''Am hurting you badly?' asked =
Boston dentist Of a lady whose teeth he
was fixing, and who was emitting horri-
BILE groans. ooh, not in the least, but
love to grCan," was tho reply.
A theological student. supposed to be
deficient in judgment, in the course of
q class examination was asked BY a
professor. "Pray. MIR. f., how would
you discover fool?'' "By the ques-
tons he would ask" said Mr.. +.
Beef has become 50 high that the
oxen are holding up their heads in a
most disgustingly arrogant manner
They look with disdain upon all ami
mails whose sphere in life is not to be
eaten.
''You made fool Of me-" said an
irate man to his wife. '.My love-" she
swectly responded, '.you do yourself in
justice. Call yourself fool if YOU wish,
but remember you are in all respects
self-made man."
1t is stated that experiments conduct
ed by Mr.. krupp ut his great cannon
factory have solved the problem how to
construct missile which, afteA pierclng
the object. shall expand with disastrous
effect. It is presumed they use dried
apples.
A rail for common roads has been in.
troduced in France. 1t is imbed,led in
concrete and is flush ut the edges with
the roadway. From the sides it slopes
down to the center. SO as to enable the
wheels Of vehicles to retain their places
upon it. The estimated cost is about
81 q yard.