The National tribune., 1882-08-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

""ohy NiIly, dIu Wien IIc SOIS tdnO Hi'''N
down him he feels as if he were leading
captivity captive.-LoorcU Citizen.
immortality of yachting: Twelve persons
Will 20 out yachting, and each one will after
wards tell you privately that every one was
SICK but me-" We begin to think that
yachting Is immoral.-Bost0p Transcript.
Good advice: The Steubenville Herald has
an article headed Shall We Fly?" We have
not he'd time to read the article, but we adj
wise the editor of the Herald to stay and
brazen it out, whatever it is.-Teras Siffiags.
| Trade item: Coal Oil Johnny has been col
/ Jared by the Cincinnati police for choking
his wife. For several years Johnny steele
has bought his diamonds at retail instead of
| by the peck, as he formerly did.-Detroit
Post and Tribune.
The new primer: See the honest driver
/ He is stopping at his home. VIII he leave a
tub of the coal? Yes, he will leave a tub of
the coal Then he will drive on and supply
the man who bought the coal.-LouisUiHe
COurier-,JOurnaI.
Western culture: Five musicians have
been added to the Denver Opera House Or
chestra, and there is to be an exhibition.
Denver feels aesthetic enough to lynch any
man that says she has not got any culture
Boston Transcript.
Seaside exercise: "DOes your wife take
much exercise?" asked Henderson of FOgg,
whose family is at the seaside. "Exercisel"
exclaimed Fogg, II should say so. She
changes her dress six times every day.
Boston Transcript.
Better left unsaid: Snoollson with know
ing look through his eye glass)-"I say,
Doodle, who's that uncommon shOwy-looking
woman your friend scamperdown s always
about with?" BOodle-" His wife. and my
sister."-LOndon Punch.
A refractory child: II declared" exclaimed
Mrs. Tidinice, II never saw a gal like our
Sary Jane. I worked eenamost two hull
days on her new bathin' dress, and don't you
think, she got it wringin' wet the fust time
she put in on! "-B0stOn Transcript
Cetewayos doom: Cetewayo has been in
vited to dine with the Mayor and Common
Council of London. If he passes through
the ordeal with his life some new method of
destruction will have to be invented for his
especial case.-Boston Transcript
Recipe for angels: Mamma, what makes
angels?" asked little boy, who had been
reading of the heavenly inhabitants. The
mother glanced out into the orchard, and,
with warning look, solemnly replied, I'm
ripe fruit, my dear"-N 7. Conn., Adrertiser.
Why he drinks German Workman
"Yaas, it is drue some of mein countrymen
drink mooch bier, but it is not strong and
does not make dem dTonll" British Work
man-"No! Then what the doOce is the use
o. them a-drinkin' of it?n-London Fuauy
Folks
Public scandal: It is rumored in select
social circles that the Times of to-day will
contain a thrilling scandal entitled "The
Post Office Letter List" Contrary to Jour
nalistic ethics, the names of the parties to
the affair will not be uppressed.-Denve-
Tribune.
A certain young man brought his affanced
down from the country to see the sights.
One day while they were passing the confec-
tioners,the swain noticed in the window o
placard bearing the announcement: "Ice
cream, 81 per gal" "Well," said the young
man, as he walked into the saloon, that's a
pretty steep price to charge for one gal but
Maria, Tll see you through, no matter what
it costs. Here's dollar, waiter; ice cream
for this gal"
A good Austin father gave his son a nickel
and sent him to church, and after he came
home asked him what the text was. He
said he did not know. "Did you forget
everything?" asked the parent. "No," said
the boy carefully, " remembered not to put
the nickel in the plate" why, you hea-
them" "If I'm q heathen its all right I
know for once that the poor heathen got the
nickel that was intended for him. bought
me some peaches with that nickel"
A model husband: Father" he suddenly
remarked, as he looked up into the paternal
face, "you are awful good to ma" "Am L?
Well, / hope l treat her as q husband should
devoted Wife" "And its all over town
how liberal you are to her" "How? what
do you mean?" why I heard three or
four men on the car say that all you had in
the world was in her name," "Yes-ahem
-yes-you get to bed, sir; and next time
you hear people lying about me don't listen
to what they say!"-UdU Street Nelcs.
Il should like to know something about
this Egyptian question, dad" said a young
New Haven midget at tea last evening.
What are they firing at Alexandria for
because it is great?" "Yes, my child, I
suppose sO." "And who is Arab Bey and
Dervish Pasha and Ismail-" "They are all
foreigners, my son. You can have no possi-
BILE interest in them. Eat your supper and
keep quiet" This is the way some parents
have of Withholding information they haven't
got from their children.-Nel0 HaUet Regis
ter.
There was trustful look in his dark
gray ewes as he turned them full upon her
and said: You will be mine?n Her bosom
heaved like cockle-shell boat on the CLASSY
surface of lake gently stirred by the soft
pulses of an italian atmosphere, but she
conquered her agitation sufficiently to an
;wer, "Yes" "When?" he ardently con-
.inued. 1t was then that the subtle nature
If long line of piratical ancestors mani
ested itself, and dropping her lovely head