The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1882-10-24
Sense and eNnqseiage,

Sense and cWnrseiiSe.
When is a soldier Ike a watch p
when be marks time
Whv is a selfish friend like the letter
P2 Because though first to pity, he is
last to help
A smooth bore has ceased to be feared
on the battlefield, but is still terrible in
the editors sanc.um.
He went to see his girl. you know,
Oil he was quite dandy;
But he came home good soars-orow,
Her brothers were too handy.
Why do they call graduating exercises
"commencements ?" Because then s
when the girls commence to set traps
for the fellows to start housekeeping with.
The New Haven Register wants some
one to erect statute to an editor. Kill
the editor we pick out, and the statute
shall be forthcoming Detroit Free
Press
Those people who want to know why
printers call the boy 1.-The devil" can
readily bring themselves to understand
it nv EMPLOYING boy for few days
Boston Post.
A gentleman desires to find q partner
with capital to assist him in The pur'
chase of a heefsteak. One who owns 6
frying pan and a piecs of pork prefer
red.-Cayxga Chief. "'
If the wave theory Of sound is cor
rect, we would hate to be at the poin
where all the waves meet from ths
speeches made in Texas between now
and the election.-Cameron { Tezas,
Herald
The Pullman train hadn't run more
than ten miles before the robbers head
ed it. "You re lucky" said one of ths
passengers to the leader of the gang
"the porter hasn't been through the Cal
vet. "-Boomerang.
S1inburne is coming to America and
will visit the principal cities, giving
readings from his own poems 1t i;
understood that each performance viii
he under the supervision OF the Nationa
Board of Health.
"Just look at that horrid mud ou,
there" she lisped. "Well that's the
proper place for it is it notf Where
would YOU have it, on you boots OF
down your neak ?" Another fellow pays
for her csramels now.
Douglas Au'z, of Norwich, fell under
moving train he was irving to board
When the tram passed Douglas arose,
uninj lred, with his cigar in his mouth
And yet there are people who claim
smoking to be injurious.
"Did your wife take all of the medi-
cine ?" said doctor to a man. Yes,
sir; and she's dead, "Well, l guess
III change the treatment a little" 81
say she's dead" eOh, dead, is she ? Ia
that case III make out your BILL"
An English bishop querulously re.
marked 10 his servant that he was dying.
swell, my lord" said the good fellow,
"you are going to a better place. John,
replied the prelate, with an air Of con-
victinn. there's D, place like Old Elg-
land"
A dispa.ch to the New York Evening
Telegram locates the new comet "ln. the
heavens northeast of Rutherford, N j."
This is more acurate than the first ac-
counts, which placed the celestial wan.
derer aoout eight feet north of Orion
Philadelphia Times.
"Sir. my ancestors came over In the
Mayh ,wer," was the rather naughty re-
mark of one gentleman 10 another dur
ing rather heated conversati ~ recently
"Fhat was natural enough" was the
quick response; "there we're no extra.
dtion law in those days"
1t is related that President Seguirs
was always hard upon the lawyers
When the docket was being called one
day it was found that both advocstes ir
a certain case we're absent. $50 or
with it them" cried the President, II
high spirits; Ego on with il, we shal
now have a chance of getting at the
truth.
FIRST Russian oft1cer-"Do you thinl
the corns'ion will pass of peacefully p
Second ditto-"Think l am sure i
will The Car never was more popular
than he is at this moment Why, :h'
people are ready to exalt him to thu
skies" First officer-"I know; bu
they may do it with dynamite "-Fresel
Fun
II trust you are putting q few pen
nies aside in your savings bank" ssid {
fond father tc his son, who was begin
ming to earn monev by doing errand:
aud odd jaba. mo. any, pa. Ever
since I saw you shaking out dime
from it l have regarded it as q tlinf
pool. have NJ faith in it." Tha
ended the hov's catechism for that day
Boston Globe
An alderman pays reporter five dol
lars to write him speech favoring tht
erection of new school house, but after
delivering eignt cents worth of the ora
ton, he is informed that there is nc
question before the meeting; and b.
falls hack and breaks pair of suspen
ders worth thirty five cents. How much
is the great man out of poket2
The B & o. railroad is relieving al
its conductors on the trans-Ohio divis
ions who belong to the Conductors AS
sociation or Brotherhood This looks
like very arbitrary exercise of power
and can hardly result in improving the
efficiency of employees on the road
Several have already been relieved, and
others will he as their trains arrive al
Newark. Bcllaire Tribune.
1t was Mikes third appearance il
court within thirty days, and in reply tC
his usual appeal for clemency, the mag
istrale impatiently observed: "It's nc
use. Mike. you're good for nothing
sits not me stvle to be Dragging" re
torted Mike. shut if yer honneur vii
borrow a pair of shellelahs an stip out
side wild NE I'll make it inconvavnlen
for ye to howld that opinion. "-Brook
Ign Eagle