Connecticut western news., 1882-08-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

barber's shop.
 "MA, what's red mullets ?" he asked. "Red mullets," repeated ma, ''oh, it's them fellows as plays polo in red hats down ter Newport; yes, them's red mullets. Hotel Matt.
 A FRENCH judge asked murderer what excuse he could possibly offer for his crime. "Why, iudge," said the fellow, CT often heard the man say that he wanted to die suddenly. ."-Lc FQGro.
 THE latest story from California is that an old tramp was found to have carried several thousand dollars in the lining of his vest. This may be the prevailing style out West, but in this section of the country tramps do Lot wear vests.
 A SMALL stream in this county, which some years ago was alive with tsdpoles and mud turtles, has been permitted to dry up, just because our member of
 Congress refused to ask an appropria-
 tion of $15O, ,0OO to improve it.-Norris
 toaon Herald.
 AN exchange says: GA new fashion
 which has been set at Newport, and
 ought to become popular everywhere,
 is the abolition of the check rein." We
 always thought all the fashion at New
 port was due to the check reign
 LoaOeU Citizen.
 'No." SAID the boy, 'T have no
 rooted dislike for Mir. Stebbins' dog, but
 it won't do for me to be seen betting it
 at this season. If I did, and then any
 body robbed his melon patch, he'd think
 got on good terms with the animal and
 then scooped the fruit. ."-Boston Post.
 TRAVELLERS tell us that the word
 "esquire," tackled on indiscriminately
 to everybody in this country who has
 no professional title, actually means something where it is at home in Eng
 land. For instance, the Leeds Mercury comes to this office addressed to
 "The Picaya,ae, Esq."-Neso Orleons PicGyune.
 AN exciting scene occurred at 6 fair
 near Oharleroi, in Belgium, not long
 ago. A "Wild Man of the Woods"
 exhibited at one of the booths, was
 recognized by 8 rustic among the
 spectators as g long lost son, and carried
 off n the teeth of the public, to the general disappointment. The public f consoled itself by smashing the booth , to pieces.
 A JEwE1ER has long dunned lady of 3 fashion for the amount of his big bill, 8 but in vain. When he rings the bell the footman says politely but firmly, s ''Sir, the countess only receives on s Tuesdays" 'I don't care when she t receives" thunders the irate and long v suffering creditor, 'swhat I want to s know is the day that she pays on l''- a From the French.
 JUST down the intervale, where the 7 brake ferns grow rank, she placed her {; easel and sat by it sketching from na- j. ture. ''Please ma'am, is that me you're r drawing milking that COW in the pic l ture?" "Why, yes, my little man; but - I didn't know you were looking" ''CoS 7 if it's me" continued the boy, unmind- 7 full of the artists confusion, ''you've d put me on the wrong side of the COW, n and I'll get kicked way off the lot. - l. NesO HdUen Register.
 n A MEMBER of the Maine Legislature l; had been courting an Augusta girl all s winter and had taken her to attend the l. sessions until she was we'll posted in the n rules. On the last day of the session, o as they came near the peanut stand by @ the door he said to her, "May offer @ you my handful of peanuts?" She re- e sponded promptly, II move to amend !, by emitting all after the word shand. '" @ He blushingly accepted the amendment s and they adopted it unanimously. ssONoE there was revival of idgion s in the town where Mister Gipple kep . glassware store and everybody was going @ wild with good. One day there was 8 l. feller tending store for MT. Gipple, and l. mighty good woman she cum with Z, bible and said young man du you keep T. the commandments :? The feller who = haled from Sacrymento and didn't know 's what them was said yes mum we do but B the boss was 8 settin em one side yister- day and fell and broke every one. We
 shall have some more and better ones
 from Frisco in few days-come in next
 week, mum. .'-"Little Johnny" THE loss of memory experienced by to Ralph Waldo Emerson during his last ar years has frequently been spoken of, 1t and pleasant story is told of him in ,r this connection, showing that some-
 thing of the element of humor remained a with him during times of his difficulty
 in this respect. As he was going out
 one day his daughter saw him search- or ing for something he could not name. "a She mentioned two or three articles, to t0 which he returned @ negative. Al
 length he turned to her with twinkle ,, iu his eye and said. It is the thing m .a that people take away" She at oncs W brought him his umbrella and all was
 right.
 THE Occident publishes the follow ' ing, as the searching sermon of g circui 'se clown; said to have been delivered re ue cently at the close of the usual rinf ei performance in a crowded tent Il 'u'. Virginia: eve have taken in $500 her .le to-day-more than most ministers Q ~ ~ the Gospel receive for whole year. s service. A large portion of this money sS % was given by church members, and ith i"Aee po'"oA VI s .-,, uI-