The Portland daily press., 1882-07-08
Fashions in Lies
A one-Eyed Man Who Was Looking for
Something New.
LBrooklyn Eagle.l

LBrooklyn Eagle.l
"What is the style Of spring lie, this sea-
son2" asked one-eyed man, as he dropped
down by the exchange editors side. Have
they retrimmed the interconyertibe snake,
that breaks up into precincts and comes togeth-
CT at the call Of the presiding link?o
"Haven't seen anything of it, replied the
exchange editor, plunging his shears into the
account Of a tornado that shifted state line a
hundred feet and landed a river in a cotton
wood grove without disturbing ripple.
'sI'm glad of that" said the one-eyed man
rubbing his hands slowly. ~ never liked that
lie. Tt always seemed far-fetched and unwhole
some; besides, you couldn't help thinking that
frog might swallow quorum Of the snake and
not leave enough to transact business. Do you
sec anything of that lie about the dragon out in
Illinois, with wings like O corn-patCh aud a
smell Of birthstone? Is the dragon current this
yeag?"
"Hayen't struck him yet" answered the ed
itor, eliminating the profanity from far west
ern account Of S mine explosion, in which 40
men were blown through the side Of noun
tain seven miles thick. IF he is around he's
flying very low"
"That pleases me, too,'' smiled the one-eyed
man, stroking his chin. "The only objection
ever had to that dragon was the smell. Itnev-
er sounded reasonable. If they had said he
smelled of birthstone and molasses it might
have worked in girls boarding house as a fair
spring lie, but they couldn't fix it to do for them
unless they perfuned him with blue pills. It
was great mistake. Have you struck the fresh
particulars about the sea-serpent since the
thaw?r
"Too early for him. returned the editor,
writing new head line to an account of ha-
by who fell outof window 60 feet and bounced
back without split, bruise or chip Off. Hell be
around by the 18th of July"
''The 14th of july murmured the one-eyed
man. 81 reckon you're right Yes, you re
right; with a head like barrel and eyes like
coffee cups; estimated by Mr.. William Jen-
nings OF Tobago township to be at least two
" IA. like to read about him. There al
ways something breezy and fresh about that
serpent, though he must be getting on in years
now. What's become of the two old people
that were born at the same moment and died
within 10 minutes of each other, at the advan-
ced age OF 1O4? Amt they dying this season.
'Not that I've heard of, rejoined the ex-
change editor, pruning down a long article on a
boy who was cut in half lengthwise by steam
grindstone, and whose recovery was confidently
anticipated Dy Inc eminent loCai pnyslclaHs'
''I hope they haven't quit the business?" OBJ
served the one-eyed man with anxiety I've
kind % warmed up to those old chumps
There was something unanimous about eTn
that caught me, and / count on getting up to
'em regularly ii am going to keep my health:
Maybe the backward season bas h tss skeleton
EN-: y 99ia9e Sr5s with bag of money tied to
his spine? Let's see, he's a spring product,
isn't hep
fsNo. fall.n replied the editor, CHANGING over
q report of man who had just been relieved
Of live lizard that had feed on his kidneys for
40 years. He'll come around about the 3rd of
October
Gust so, just So was mised on him. He's
an old friend of mine; seems like one of the
family; and if they should go over the season
without finding him, appears as though
should commence to pine. Is there anything
new this spring: any servant girls making
Greek poetry in their Sleep any live frogs
found concealed in Philadelphia brick, and
springing eight feet in the air after an imptis-
onment Of $4,000 years? Anything of that
sort?"
Nothing. sighed the exchange editor, put
ting the sub-heads into an account of a whale
climbing to the top OF Absecom lighthouse TO
borrow match. Nothing fresh, except this
one about the payment of q church mortgage
out in Wisconsin, but that won't be popular a.
meug the Christians.
Il suppose not; suppose not murmured
the one-eyed man. Well, I'm much obliged.
So longl 1t warns me up to see old ones come
around. A man of my age would miss em if
they let up, and began to be little tickleish
about the serpent and the skeleton, until you
explained the dates"
And as he went out, the exchange editor
turned over an article on an old woman of 80,
who was cutting her eighth set of false teeth
and fourth head of hair.