The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1882-09-06
'cThe Friends of the Remains. J.

"If you've got time I'dlike to have
you write a little something about
The deceased" said the little man,
quietly, something pretty mourn.
ful, if you please"
"Who is dead?" inquired the man.
aging editor, dipping his pen in the
ink pot. "Friend of yours2"
"Well, yes" replied the little man,
leaning over the table. "She was
my wife. Her wings sprouted yes.
terday, and we turfed her over this
P. NJ. She was a very superior ar.
ticle of remains, aud | thought I'd
have you speak a good word for her
to the public, with something about
other papers copying it at the bot.
TOM"
"Where was the piautas asked the
editor, scratching his head for appro
priately melancholy ideas.
awe set her out up in Cypress
Hills" replied the mourner, wiping
his eyes: ave had a ten dollar dis.
course and d forty dollar funeral.
You might speak of the casket. That
cost fifteen dollars alone, and there
must have been eight or nine dollars
worth of flowers and shrubs and one
thing or another"
~ might say she was popular and
generally beloved by all who knew
her in life, eh?" suggested the editor.
"You Betr And that'll make her
sister mad. You might say she was
the handsomest woman in her pre-
cinct, and that there were four car.
riages choke full. If yol want
nice piece Of descriptive, youl. might
add that l rode on the hearse with
the driver"
"An afectionate wife and d loving
mother?" hinted the editor.
"Well," coughed the little man, "if
you've got plenty of time and room.
Perhaps you'd better pay more atten-
ton to the handles on the casEet.
III show 'cmto you. Genuine plateln
and he drew them from lis pocket.
"The screws were all silver headed,
but they thought I'd better leave
them"
"Was she prominent in any of the
charitable rackets? Much in the
Sunday School business?" asked the
editor.
"Yes, some. She belonged to
gross or two Of old women's homes
and a couple O. dozen of children's
temperance societies, but that didn't
cut much figure at the funeral. You
might speak of the number present
and say that several friends of the
remains were jammed about a good
deal trying to get sight at her.
We showed her at the house and at
the grave, and though l say it my
self, | think the coffin plate was gen.
orally admired"
"Then she was, a worthy, Christian
woman, charitable and kindly dis.
posed, and departed sincerely mourn.
ed by large circle of friends"
"Oh, yes!" sighed the bereaved, 81
don't see any objection to that. You
might follow it up by remarking that
her Frustrated husband gave her as
good a send-off as any woman in that
ward ever had. The headstone comes
to fifteen dollars, and | lost ten to
my brother-in-law betting that the
hearse could beat the mourner's car
riage to the first toll gate on the old
ioad coming home. I'd like to have
1t known that | did the fair thing,
though | don't care to look like l
was blowing about the expense"
"Did she leave any children?"
"Yes, oh, yes she left 'em. They
went with her as far as the grave.
1t stood me in twenty.seven dollars
to fit them out with grief for the oc-
casion, But | don't begrudge it,
When rspend money l calculate to
get the worth of it, and nobody ever
hears Inc complain. paid eighteen
dollars for the clothes she was shovel.
ed under in"
Did she leave any pfoperty9"
"a couple Of houses and lots, but
you needn't mention them. Just
speak of it as the social event of the
season in funeral circles, in which
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