The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1882-12-21
Smiths Experiment.


"Smith," said q well-known Chicago
merchant to his cashier, you are going
to the devil"
"Sir--"
"Now. there's no use denying ii. I
see it in your face. You were drunk
last night and the night before last and
You are bracing mp on whisky to-day.
1t won't do, sir, it won't do. You cant
stand it, and il you could--wly l
can't"
We'll. SIR replied Smith, II admit
have been going It little too strong
lately"
a little! Well, should think Won
had little. Look here. Smith: you're
a good cashier and an honest one, DO
lieye. and | don't want to lose YOU.
Now. tell me. why do you drink ~
Il am sorry to say sir, that it seems
to be a genuine love for liquor. am
always thirsty for liquor"
That's bad, very bad but not incur
able. l was one Of the boys myself
once, and l got over it, You try my
plan, and think il will work with You"
What is your plan, sir?"
II tcll you. " Ieu ! Why ~ SalcS-
man. about fifteen years ago. got to
running around nights and drinking and
carousing until l began to look Just rs
you do now. Ny employer came to me
one day and demonstrated. This thing
has got to STOP said lie. You must
either let somebody else do your drink
ing for You or have somebody else do
your work That gave me an idea, and
/ acted upon it. Stepping into the near
est saloon, ! invited all hands up to
drink. They responded With alacritv.
/ picked out the toughest customer in
the lot and asked him what he did for q
living. Nothing he replied. How
much will you charge week to do my
drinking for mc?' ,Wot dye mean 2 he
asked. explained to him that had q
perpetual thirst, and that whisky unfit
ted me for business, SO / wanted him to
do my drinking for me. I'll do it for IS
week an found he replied. That is.
found in whisky?' Yes, that's it, boss
Well, it's q bargain said l, and We
shook hands on it. took him to the
store with me and sat him down in o
corner out of sight. When began to
feel thirsty took him ont and made him
drink o good big glass Of whisky.
Somehow, felt better after seeing him
drink. Well, had to take him out sew
eral times that day, and before night he
was pretty full. BY bedtime he was
helplessly drunk. / had been out with
the boys and taken him along. They
kicked at first at having such measly
looking tramp along, but when ex-
planned they thought it good joke. Ny
appetite for drink was too strong for
him. / hired another drinker, and he
stayed by me for three weeks. Then /
caught him throwing glass Of whisky
over his shoulder, and discharged him.
Well, used up nine able bodied drunk
ards before l absolutely qnenched my
thirst; but I qucnched it at last. /
never think Of taking drink now"
Il believe I'll try your plan" said
Smith.
"Do,' said the merchant. II am sure
it will work. 1t may take long time
"A year, perhaps-but you stick to it,
and you'll down your appetite to dead
certainty. Ii you find it is costing you
more than you can stand I'll increase
your salary"
People who are not intimately ac-
quaintedwith Smith think he is going
to the dogs at lightning express speed.
They Judge so because he is always seen
in the company of drunken hummer
Of the worst possible description. But
Smiths friends know that lie has not
drank drop since he had that talk with
his employer. He has already used up
three drunkards, and is looking around
for . fourth. Chicago Herald.