The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1882-11-09
HIS PA ..NIsHIATED."

Odyg are yOu a hldbOLB VI a uOultllO
or anything" asked the bad boy of the
grocery man, as he went to the cinna-
mon bag on the shelf and took out a
long stick of cinnamon to chew.
"Why, yes, of course | am, but what
set you to thinking of that" asked the
grocery man, as he went to the desk and
charged the boys father with half
pound of cinnamon.
well, do the goats bunt when you
nishiate fresh candidateg"
"NO, of course not. The goats are
cheap ones, that have no life, and we
muzZle them, and put pillows over their
heads, so they can't hurt anybody" says
the grocery man, as he wlnked at
brother Odd Fellow who was seated on
sugar barrel, looking mysterious.
But why do you ask?"
"Oh, nuthin', only wish me and my
chum had muZZled our goat with pill
low. Pa would have enjoyed his becOm-
ing a member of our lodge better. You
see, pa had been telling us how much
good the MasOns and Odd Fellows did,
and said We ought to try and grow up
good so we could jine the lodges when
we got big, and l asked pa if it would do
any hurt for us to have play lodge in
my room, and purtend to nishiate, and
pa said il wouldn't do any hurt. He
said it would improve our minds, and
learn us to be men. So my chum and
me bOrTied goat that lives in livery
stable. Say, did you know they keep
a goat in a livery stable so the horses
won't get sick? They get used to the
smell of the goat, and after that moth
ing can make them sick but glue fac
tory. l wish my girl boarded in livery
stable, then she would get used to the
smell. l went home with her from
church Sunday night, and the smell of
the goat on my clothes made her sick to
her stummick, and she acted just like
an excursion on the lake, and said if l
didn't go and bury myself and take the
smell out of me she WOulant never go
with me again. She was just as pale as
ghost, and the peTspiratiOn on her lip
was just zif she had been hit with a
street sprinkler. You see my chum and
me had to carry the goat up to my room
| when pa and ma was out riding, and he
blatted so we had to tie handkerchief
around his nose, and his feet made such
noise on the floor that we put some
baby's socks on his feet. Gosh, how
funny a goat smells, don't it? l should
think you MasOns must have strong
StummiX. Why don't you have skunk
OF a mule for a trade mark. Take
mule and anOint sit with Limburg
cheese and you could nishiate and make
candidate smell just as bad as with a
gosh darn mildewed goat. Well, sir, my
chum and me pTacticed with that goat
| until he could bunt picture of goat
every time. We bOrried a buck beer
sign from a saloon man and hung it on
the back of chair, and the goat would
hit it every time. That night pa wanted
to know what we were doing up in my
room, and [ told him we were playing
| lodge, and improving our minds, and pa
! ,ald that was right, there was nothing
| luat did boys of our age half so much
| good as to initiate men, and store by use
lul nOlidge. Then my chum asked pa If
| ne didn't want to come up and take the
| grand bumper degree, and he laffed and
aid lie didn't care if he did. just to en-
| courage us boys in innocent pastime,
that was so improving to our intellex.
| We had shut the goat up in the closet
in my room, and he had got over blat-
| ting, so we took off the handkerchief,
and he was eating some of my collars
and skate straps. We went up stairs,
aud told pa to come up pretty soon and
| give three distinct Taps and when we
asked him who comes there he must say,
| d pilgaTic who wants to join your an
cient order and ride the goat Ma
| wanted to come up too, but we told her
| if she come in it would break up the
lodge cause a woman couldn't keep a
secret, and we didn't have any side-sad-
die for the goat. Say, if you never tried
it, the next time you initiate man in
your masOn's lodge, you sprinkle little
| kyan pepper on the goats beard just
afOTe you turn him loose. You can get
| three times as much fun to the square
| inch of goat. You wouldn't think it was
the same goat. Well, we got all liked
and pa raped, and we let him in and
| told him he must be blindfOlded, and he
| got on his knees a latin, and l tied a
| towel around his eyes, and then ] turned
= a To i'm rafH
| his hands also, and then his back was
right towards the closet door, and put
| the buck beer sign right against pas
| clothes. He was laffing all the time, and
| said we boys were full of fun as they
made 'em, and we told him it was a
solemn occasion, and we wouldn't per-
NIT no levity, and if he didn't stop
laffing we couldn't giV5 him the grand
| bumper degree. Then everything was
ready, and my chum had his hand on
| the closet door, and some kyan pepper in
| his other hand, and l asked pa, in low
bass tones, if he felt as tE Ough he wanted
| to turn back, or If he had nerve to go
ahead and take the degree, as the goat
was loaded for beer, and told him he
| yet had time to rotIace his steps If he
wanted to. He said he wanted the
whole business, and we could go ahead
| with the menageTie. Then | said to pa
if he had decided to go ahead, and not
blame us for the consequences, to repeat
after me the following: Bring forth
the royal bumper, and let him bumpP'
Pa repeated the words, and my chum
| sprinkled the kyan pepper on the goats
mOustache, and he sneeZed once and
looked sassy, and then he see the lager
beer goat raring up, and he started for
| it, Just like cow catcher, and blatted.
| Pa is real fat, but he knew he got hit,
and he grunted, and said, "Hell's fire,
what are you boys doin'?' and then the
goat gave him another degree, and pa
pulled off the towel and got up and
started for the stairs, and so did the goat,
and ma was at the bottom of the stairs
| listening, and when | looked over the
banisters pa and ma and the goat were
all in a heap, and pa was yelling muir
der, and ma was screaming fire, and the
goat was blatting, and sneezing, and
bunting, and the hired girl came into
the hall and the goat took after her and
she crossed herself just as the goat
struck her and said, 'HOwly mother, pro-
tect mep' and went down stairs the way
we boys slide down hill, with both hands
on herself, and the goat reared up and
blatted, and pa and ma went into their
| ha ha