The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1882-12-15
Spoopendyke's Water Jet.

BpIiukicI anu DIdctQ III Win DrlCkS,
my dear, that makes considerable of q
fountain. / wish 1 had thought of it
before."
upon my words giggled Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "Why you really are an
inventor. That's the best fountain /
ever saw; but how are you going to
take it downp' and Mrs. Spoopendyke
contemplated the fountain with consid-
cradle misgiving.
'Don't want to take it DOWN. grunt-
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke. ut comes down
itself by the natural law of gravitation.
Did you suppose that water intended to
squirt up in the air and wait for me to
bring it down on q step-ladderp Got
some kind OF a notion that was going
to tie rope around the water and haul
it down. hadn't YEP Well, Pm not, and
/ amt going to offer it any chromos to
come down. eitherr' And Mr.. Spoop-
endyke seated himself on the lower step
and eyed his fountain with great deal
of satisfaction.
'How long are you going to let it
squirtp" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, anx-
ious to have the trouble begin that it
might be over the sooner.
"Oh, l guess about twenty feet" re-
piled Mr.. Spoopendyke, measuring the
hight Of the stream with his eye and
shuckling to himself. That's about
as long as the pressure will permit, and
thought I'd let it go that far before
l hitched it up" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
shook all over as thefull strength of his
joke impressed itself upon him.
Mrs. Spoopendyke watched the play
of the water in silence.
"P'raps you think can't take that
fountain apart without getting wetp"
said Mr.. Spoopendyke at length.
Maybe you have imbibed tbe, idea that
when turn that water off I'm going to
be soaked. Well, I'm not. The head
that invented this fountain knows how
10 keep itself dry and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke got up and walked around hi
prize, his face beaming with smiles.
The water was falling in perfect show
er upon the key box and in the after
noon sun the fountain looked remarka-
bly, pretty.
Mrs. Spoopendyke made no response
but patiently awaited developments.
''Now bring me the umbrella" said
Mr.. Spoopendyke,. preparing himself
for the closing triumph. bring me
forth the fiery, untamed umbrellar' and
as Mrs. Spoopcndyke handed it to him,
he raised it, picked up his key and APP
preached the stream. The umbrella
protected him from the down pour, but
rs he bent over to turn the water off,
Me Kissing shaft struck under the ging-
ham and raising the umbrella with
vicious jerk, tipping Mr.. Spoopendyke
ever on his beam ends.
He yelled as soon as he recovered
breath. what did ye want to distract
my attention forp" and he shook the UNI
brella at his wife as soon as he rose
dripping to his feet. another time
when I'm fixing this fountain you get
under the bed, We hear?" and Mr..
Spoopendyke glared around him and
approached the enemy once more.
This time he held the umbrella
straight out before him, cropping along
behind it with the key. He. had almost
reached the rod when the stream struck
the outside of the umbrella, and, as it
whirled, Mr.. Spoopendyke spun around,
landing in sitting position on the foun-
tain. which lifted him about foot and
landed him in the gutter.
That's what we were waiting to see,
was itp" he shouted at his trembling
wife. "Been roosting pthere to watch
this display Of genius against brute
force! Got an idea hid away some
where that this fountain and me amt
on friendly termsr' and he whanged
the umbrella across the steadily pour
ing stream, got caught once more and
landed in the gutter again, this time on
the back of his neck. "How dye like
the showP" he squealed, bounding to
his feet There's going to be a con-
cert after the circusr' and he charged
snce again with his umbrella, which
this time was jcrked out of his hands
and rolled over in the street. Procure
your tickets of the gentlemanly ushersw
and he grabbed his weapon and made
another onslaught. mot that the cir
eus performance is concludedr' he con-
tinued as he fell clear over the stream
and rolled into the umbrella. "The
best is yet to come'' and in trying to
straighten the umbrella, which had
turned inside out, he caught the foun-
tain again and slid down it on to the
curbstone with sound like bung-
starter on barrel.
my dear, why don't you--p" be-
gan Mrs. Spoopendyke.
'Ain't Ip' roared her husband.
"P'raps you know more about the per-
sonal habits of this than dor and he
slammed at it with the umbrella and
kicked at 1t until his leg was loose.
May be you've got some political in
fluence hereT' and lowering his head
behind the umbrella he charged again.
The water tipped the umbrella straight,
poured up into it and fell in a deluge
on Spoopendyke's head and shoulders.
Don't be alarmed ladiesr' he squealed.
There's no dangerp' and he smashed
the umbrella down over it, like an ex-
tinguisher. "A competent corps Of
officials always on hand;" but at this
iuncture the umbrella ripped from
handle to whalebone tin. the stream