The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1882-10-29
STOLEN SMILES.

Please hang. up" is the polite tele-
pm ONE ior mold your tongue
A farce seeing man; one who believes
that Iiie Is only folly.
II is not cheese 10 ask "Wil you love
me when I'm mold2n
The green grocer is the one who trusts the
new family IN the next block.
The comet has head p 900 miles long.
IL ought to know pretty we'll what 1t is do.
ing,
The difference between dandy and fat
hog-ono Is dressed TO Kill aud the other IN
Killed TO dress,
There is u man in England who gained
over NAY pounds in one week, lilo bet on
the winning horse,
Generous to hultp may be said Of
some men-at least they are generous
enough to their own faults
The starch'makers in the west are pro.
posing TO combine, the object being. of
course, TO stiilen the price.
Did Richard Ill. explain, GIVE me an.
other horse ~ because he was tired of the
nightmare he had been riding2
An engaged girl is happest when she Is
aelling ABOUT IL TO anotner girl who is mo-.
engaged aud is not likely to be.
The velvet and diamond winter approach.
es. Mrs. shoddy has had her eyes on the
ootton-paeked aud paste articles.
II rains alike on the Just and tho un,nst
and on the Just mainly because the I'm.
just have borrowed their umbrellas
Ben Franklin said that soft words butter
no parsnips, but they have helped elect
many man to office lor all that
Tho Aneoyor tho0logues will be aghast
when they see themselves referred to by
the Springfield Republican as "theologas-
ters."
A New York lotter.carrer was arrested
for stealing money.lettcrs, when it was dis.
covered that he had foul wives. No won.
der he had TO steal.
The proper study of mankind is man. -
Pope knew better than to say woman
Woman is too deep study for anybody to
undertake.
A Brooklyn catch A Brooklyn man no
losger asks another on Sunday morning:
Are you going to church," fhe query
now Is; Are you going TO hear u stump
speech this morning.
General Bonnparte died. To George W..
then In Ireland, It was announced.
sire, your greatest enemy is dead.n
when did she die2' asked the king, Ms.
summing that 1t was his wife that had died.
Lasting friendship; Yes" he remarked,
George aud | are firm friends, have been
for many years, and will probably stay so
many more. We have solemn compact
never to speak OF each others iaults.r
mo, sir, said the man, you needn't
tell me q woman ever had her dress pocket
picked. don't believe thief can discover
Il. know I've tried for two hours TO lind
the pocket OF one OF my wiiu'S dresses and
had to give 1t up
Hint to subscribers Subscribers OF the
paper who find cross-bones aud skull with
crest OF metallic burial casket drawn in
blood on the wrapper of their paper will
know that their subscription has expired
aud that something has got TO be done.
Your wife has elopet.n Great scott ~
said the deserted husband with whom 20
with your tailor you don't say son
replied the bereayed man, with a beaming
smile. Why, | owed him six hundred
dollars. Whatll you takem Heaven does
indeed temper the wind to the shorh
lamb
blotting paper was discovered in 1865.
Previous TO that, when man dropped
splotoh OF ink ON the lower lei,.hand cor.
ner OF his paper he would give Il lick with
his tongue toward the upper nght.hand
corner, aud make u better picture Of the
comet OF 1850 than any that has yet ap.
peared In the Illustrated papers.
A Harrisburg dressmaker, having con.
siderable difficulty IN collecting bill from
gentleman whose wife had employed her,
interviewed the lady herself, aud In appar.
emily the most innocent manner, remarked
that she could no, see why the gentleman
paid Miss B--'s "a young school.tcacherl
bill 10 much more promptly than the other
one The next day, with subdued leAk
that bill.