Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1882-05-25

Texas Slnings.
In many things the Americans are
far ahead of the English. In horse.
racing, for instance, the latter come in
several lengths behind the Americans.
The average free born American citi.
zen, if he is well, and the yictuals are
where he can lay hands on them, and
somebody elsa pays for them, will hide
away his dinner in one.third of the
time it would require for a Johnny
Bull to go through the same process.
The American citizen, with some slight
assistance from legal pettifogger, can
get a divorce from two wives in less
time than is possible in England from
one. Thanks to American push and
enterprise, we get through life in less
than two thirds of the time it usually
takes an Englishman. The European
bank cashier is unable to compete
with our Sunday school superintendent
when it comes to getting out of the
country Unexpectedly with all OF the
available assets. An American rail
road will, in one year, have more acci.
dents, and cripple up more people than
an European road will have in six
years. When it comes to adulterating
food, we are far ahead Of the effete
monarches of Europe. The mere fact
that we put sand in cotton shows that
we are gaining weight, if not Influence,
on Europe, and also that we are in
advance of the requirements and civil.
zation of the nineteenth century. But
we beat the English worst of all in the
administration of criminal justice.
We can administer more criminal JUS
tice in a single case than the English
do in Il dozen cases, but we cannot do
as much hanging. Just let us take
Guiteau's case, for instance, The Eng.
lsh would have tried, convicted, and
hung him in three weeks, which would
be no punishment at all for his crime.
We make him realize the enOrmity of
his offence, by allowing reporters to in
terview him. There is nothing so
painful to a doomed man as to be in.
terviewed by an experienced reporter.
Before the reporters have got through
with him, he feels worse than Job
when the bOils broke out on him. 1t
is no punishment for a murderer like
Guiteau to be hung right off, because
all that class Of devils are Immediately
checked through to Abraham's bosom,
up near the orchestra. 1t is the other
kind Of suspense that is painful, hence
to make Guiteau feel the severity of
the law, he is given three or four
months of suspense, during which time
he can be made TO suffer additional ag.
ony by having the fashionable ladies
call to see him, and bring him flowers
and present him with tulips, their own
two lips. Nothing causes Guiteau as
much mental agony as to be admired,
The whole course of the trial has shown
that to be the case.
There seems to be no limit to the
malignity Of the authorities at Wash
ingtOn in prolOnging the slnferings of
the doomed man. Everybody knows
or has at least read, in the patent med
icine advertisements, of the suiferings
caused by Indigestion. In order to
promote an unnatural dyspepsia, the
victim of the law is not allowed to
touch prison food. Food is supplied
with wines and tempting yiands from
u restaurant. The climax of refined
cruelty will be reached if the Jail OH
cials succeed in developing indigestion
complicated with gOut.
The Bible says that love of money is
the root of all evil, hence tie more of
the evil a man has the worse off he is.
In order to alfliGt Guiteau rs much as
possible, he is allowed to turn his cell
into an ofli;e, and by the sale of his
autographs and photographs, he ac'
qures thirty dollars a day, which is
already beginning to bear 4 crop of
misery, as his relatives are after him
for it.
Some so.called philanthropists will
try TO make out that Guiteau is treated
with too much severity but it is right
and proper that he should be made to
suffer. In England, France or Ger
many he would have been disposed of
long ago, which goes to show that
when it comes to securing the life and
property Of an assassin, as in putting
sand in cotton, we are very much in
advance of the said elfete despotisms
of Europe. Compare the administra
tion of justice in the Lamson and Gut
teau cases, and feel sorry for those
poor English who have no bOOns of
freedom, no oop populi, no b Ph1iJuS
UnumS, etc.