Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1882-10-18
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

An angels habitation.
SPICE AND ALLsPIcE.
WHY, gentle reader, do we always find
U in trouble IN. Y. NeWs. Give it
up; we always find q ahead of U.s.
Boston Com. Bulletin.
V1s1ToR-s'Ain't them pretty old ducks
for base ball nine ?" Rector My
dear sir they re not ball players; it is the
theological faculty of my college.
Puck.
"N. W. PREFERRED" my husband
mutters in his sleep, and I know as we'll
as I want to that he means that nasty
whisky. can tell it by his breath -
Syracuse Herald.
A MOTHER who fondly put the query
to her young son, "What would you do
without mother, Tom?" was dumb
founded with the reply: Do as like,
ma. "-Bost0n Star.
The chronological Journal declares
that whistling is good for the lungs, and
we know hundred boys in Detroit who
are lungs clear down to their boots.-
Detroit Free Press.
WE'LL, shall do my best to have JUS
tice done you;" said the lawyer to his
client. ''Indeed, if you are going to do
that" replied the rascal, II think I'd
better be off at once.
The newest style in earrings is minia-
ture lanterns.-N Y. Com. ado. Bet
ter be lantern cared than lantern. jawed,
but girls are apt to be light-headed.-
Boston Com. Bulletin.
"YoU'RE as sweet as a peach" he
said, patting her softly on the cheek.
"Yes," she mu1mured, smuggling still
nearer to him, "I'm a cling-stone. -
Rockland Courier Gazette.
SEVERAL of our exchanges are devoting
considerable space to the Importance Of
"cooking girls" It's no use. We
don't want them cooked. The raw dam
sci is good enough for .us.-HnrUoad
Times.
Mrs. PARr1NaToN honored us with a
call this morning. She is looking we'll,
and she says she is like the windows of
a renovated house-all the old panes
are out of her, and the pneumatics are
things of the past.-B0st0n Star.
."OH, Mr.. Smith," exclaimed Gertie,
"may 1 go With you and see your nice
little puppies?" "What do you mean,
Gertie?" exclaimed her father in aston
ishment. "Why papa" said Gertie,
"didu't you say Mr.. Smith was going to
the dogs?"
They we're two little children, and
they were painting pictures in their
school books. One youngster finished
COW in blue, and then remembered
never to have seen blue COW. Never
mind" encouragingly said the other;
"we'll say the COW is cold"
ESQ you we're slave before the war?'
he said to the old darkey. Eyes, massa p
"Had hard time in life, eb O. "Specs
1 has, massa p "Ever sold?" "Golly,
yes, massa. Some feller put lot half
dollar on de sidewalk, only dis mawnin',
sab; I was sold by dat. - Boston Post.
"MY son, said Philadelphia father,
"wbenever you start to do a thing,
never half do it." "Must always do
both halves ?" asked the hopeful son.
eyes," was the reply. And then the
lad who had stealthlly devoured half a
pie sneaked back into the pantry and
gobbled the other half.
The editorials in nearly all the New
York papers on the political situation in
Pennsylvania are about as accurate and
reliable as the Frenchman's book on
America, in which he locates the state Of
Ohio in Boston, California in Philadel-
phia, and speaks of President Tilden A.
Chester. r.-Norr. Herald.
II BELIEVE you are fool, John,
testify exclaimed Mrs. Miggs, as her
husband unwittingly presented her the
hot end of potato dish. which she
promptly dropped and broke. "Yes,"
he added, resignedly, that's what the
clerk told me when l went to take
out my marriage license. ."-Brooklyn
Eagle.
HEARD in boarding house: 81 can't
bear grizzly meat" said the gruff old
bachelor. "Neither can I grizzly
bear" chimed in the boss Of the rancho,
as she looked daggers at the first speaker.
It wasn't very funny, but everybody ex-
cept the bachelor smiled, and the land
lady served up chickens for dinner that
evening.
"Whose statue is that ?" asked we'll
known member of the New York judi
ciary of his companion, as they were rid
ing through the park one Sunday last
summer. "Why, that's Humboldt" "
replied the other. What in thunder
did they want to give Humboldt statue
for ?" said the Judge; she never did
nothing but invent buchu."
"PA," said the inquisitive small boy,
"what do they mean by unanimous r
"Unanimous, my son, unanlmous-ah,
whv. when all the men want the same
thing, that's unanimous. politicians
is all unanimous, amt they, pa NO,
ny son, not by a jugfui."1 "Wen, /
don't see why, 'cavse they all want a
Office, anyhow. Teraa Oddities.
A PROMINENT Austin politician woke
up his colored man a few nights ago and
told him to search the house, as ne was
sure there was burglar on the premises.
The darkey hunted the house all over
and reported as follows: "Colonel, l
has hunted from top to bottom, ana et
dar is any 'spishous character 'ceptin'
YOU in de house, can't find him. "--IeG0s
Ssftings.
A VERY quick child made an observa-
ton to her governess the other day,
which had a great deal of truth in it.
"How is it, my dear, inquired the lady
"that you do not understand this sim,
ple thing?" "I do not know, indeed,
she answered, with a perplexed look;
"but sometimes think have 50 many
things to learn, that I have not time to
understand"
"How much shall I make Of this ?
asked the reporter of the city editor, re-
J ferring to an attempt at burglary where
, the midnight uarauder was frightened
away by the cries of a woman. "Foul
! words, laconically responded the news
2 handler. After studying the matte1
t carefully the reporter condensed half
? coInmn account into, Woman yelled