Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-01-12
Barney In Trouble.
Toronto Canada Grip.
ERINGoBRAGH TERRACE,

widout any doubt at all. the most pow
erful cure av the age, bad scran to it.
1t has cured me, sur av the habit av
years, habit acquired in me school
days which has grown wild me growth
and strengthened wild me strength, the
habit sur, of readin' the papers. An /
want to be afther tellin' thin vaga-
bonds av editors that they won't have n
chance to play off their practical jokes
on me any more, for the sorra a paper,
Grit or Tory, will l read for the mkt
six months, at Taste. 1t wasn't enough
for them to enter into conspiracy to
wane me from readin' their articles an
ayditorials, but they mustn't do it if ytz
place, afther the Austrian ad ndnse,tm
method of curing an inabriate. 1t was
St, Jacobs Oil here an st. Jacobs Oil
there, until the vision of that ovid
leech sitting there with his staff in wan
hand an his bottle av oil in the other,
haunted me thoughts be day an me
dhrames be night. AS long as they
KEEP it in the advertiser columns it
didn't bother me at all, but whin every
bit av a mans mental victuals is satur-
ated with wan thing, an that thing St.
Jacobs Oil, fax, thin, it's stronger
shtammach tim mine can shtand it.
Last week, sure. / lights me pipe an
sits down afther me days work to
read that encyclopedia av daily
news, the Globe, and was just regalin'
meself wild beautiful article entitled
ga National Blessing" 1t was two
columns long. an had just got half
way down the second column, whin
what should crap up but--St. Jacobs
Oil. To blazes wild yez, we vile desaver.
says |, sthickin' the Globe into the stove
wholesale it's a pretty pass Pm come
to whin I'm afther being wheedled into
wastin' three mortal quarthers av an
hour readin' durthy ovid advertise
ment agin mo own will. An wild that
| sayzes me hat in great rage and tares
down to the Globe Office to tell thin to
sthap me paper there and thin. l
wasn't down a quarther of block whin
clang whit iviry tire-bell in the city !;
all the paple cum rushin' out av doors,
an, lukin' back, what should | see but
me own chimbley ablazin' like fury,
an great mob agatherin' round the
dure. Be time gat back, there wor
three or four ingins playin' on me
house, an afore they got through it
wa, like nothin' else ut all but Noah's
Ark in the middle av the deluge
That shows the quantity av st. Jacob
| Oil must av been in that Globe to be
afther kindlin' up the chimbley like
that. Well, the very Mkt day takes
up the paper and says | to meself yez
won't fool me any more wild your
National Blessings" an to protect
meself agin bein' chated again, begins
at the bottom av the page an tries TO
read upwards, when after awhile
comes up to the purtiest pictur, Cap
tain Boyton foatin' on his back.
an he a'rigged up like yacht in full
sail. Eusha now, SEE |, did yez ivir see
SIGH beautiful invention / mustn't be
afther resdin' all about it. So begins at
the top an comes down the first column
all right, but on the next column what
does Captain B. rub himself wild but
81. Jacobs Oil Wisha! now the divil
rub the shkin off av yez, "a | sure,
it's mighty hard up Misthur Gordon
Brown must be for something to sup
ply his customers wild whin he's takin'
to dosin' thin wild ST. Jacobs Oil An
fur four days afther l darsn't look at
paper wild the corner av me left eve,
for fear I'd see the name av that ovid
Banshee on the page. Well, on the
| fifth day, | was afther smokin' me pipe
in the corner, an thinkin' what a de-
saver that Globe was, though to tell yez
the truth. | was missin' it awful, whin
who should come in but Katie Malloy,
mischievous clip av n girl, that's at
tendin' wan av our big schools in town
here. She had copy av the Hamil-
ton Ayenia' Times in her hand. Mis-
thur O'Hea," seq she, wild shwate bit
av smoile, "do yez know anything
about natural magic? Here's a piece"
sez she, nately openin' up the paper,
cts called 'Magic's Wonders an it's
all about man, an how he could pull
snakes all oye r another mans arrum,
oh, my Mistaur O'Hea, the funniest
thing, ma said ought to bring it to
YOU" So widout thinkin' l takes the
paper, an sure enough it was all about
magic, an all that sort av thing. Wanst,
whin / happened to lux up, l noticed
i tnht SDe s'Iu VIII tllt uOoI kDoD III HtT
hand, an she had quaIe little shmirk
on her face, an l could shware | saw
Nora wink at her, but as they are al
ways up to some divitry | paid no at
| tintion whatiyer, at all, till av n sudden
the cowld dhraps av sweat
broke out on me forehead, an
the mkt minute / was flynn like
the wind out the back dure an down
the alleyway, after that shreechin'
hoaxin' little clip that had cum all the
way from King street, for the fun av
seem me read that two column adver-
tisement of St. Jacobs Oil.
Now Mistber GRIP, Ak yez solemnly,
don't yez think it's too bad for man
who pays for his paper in good faith,
to think he mustn't examine the head
an the tail an the middle an all
round the edges av an article afore
settin' down to read it, ia order to be
assured, that its not a sugar-coated adj
vertsement he's studyin' all the time?
Bedad, horrible fear has this mo-
ment come to me, that maybe, per-
haps some other victim of this vile
desate, will be afther thinkin' me own