Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-07-21
WIT AND IIJIMOR.


Die.
A gentleman lectured in one of our coun.
try villages upon "Reminiscences of MY
Life" and the intelligent correspondent re.
ported it as u very interesting discourse on
Rum and Essences Of my life"
An Indian murderer recently hanged in
Oregon was sure he was going to heaven.
But he had grave and unhappy doubts about
he safety of his victim,
The Countess Observation-Disclosures who
q now in London, complains that the foot.
man don't pronounce her name correctly.
The illustration of Gui,cau's brain which
has appeared in several Of our exchanges
is now being utilized as map of Alexan-
dria.
The first wife of Brigham Young has
just died She was old instead Of Young.
Bob Ingersoll's play "The Wild West"
is not based on Oscars visit to that part of
the country
A Mr.. Schwill was the chief speaker a,
u ie'e"' so'-ou-0uhuaY hhectihg on
Sunday in Cincinnati. lie iran emptyings,"
A woman In Philadelphia was badly burn-
ed by the explosion Of a doughnut in frying
pan. The Car swore off on doughnuts when
he heard Of it,.
us this crime = asks the late Rev. Mr..
Min regarding his purpose to become
trngedan this Fall. mo" replies the
Christian Enton ''it is simply a blunder."
A new novel is announced. "The Colo.
nel's Cross" What the mischief is the Colo
mel cross about Have the saloon keepers
combined to deny him credit y-Tezas Sit.
in9s.
Rev Josenh Cook ia lec,urira II, Australia
Mr. (,ook viii hr rememhcrnj as a Roa,o,,
gentleman who gave the plan upon which the
universe was created his personal endorse.
ment. CNjcdg0 Tribune,
A long.f.lt wan, is Il, he ellod q, C,ror
Island Nv tho erection ~ chanal I'M
will lac nn;a, m'sror,,o,,oI ,jno ens
lovers to retire to after ,hnv bavap ,yoor,od
If mooning Inv tbo cad sca ;yor 70 %g9 i.,ea
HauiN.
Vicar-"Drinlin,, AMIN Nur,;rsz Tho,
wretched. borrid h9cri" Friend Tin,.rnns
incl-"Rergin' hof vom harding cir I
kin sneak i'm terms Iof LafTacS b;1nota oo,,
mpruu shun of Yer uifts rraacbor
'avin, 'ol n hit nj hci1ic.tinn mvsnlf h.,
as a Judge o ale, yew air hout Of it."-LOn.
dan Fun.
S,mue, Slinn ofr.rod ,,e ,o,,o,yi,n s.p,.
solved nat ,va ,.l,a nv n,o,,,s s,o,d,,,, es
how bis thermome,er stood %, an,. aar,;n
dav die summer ouleso ncc,n,,,o,',n3 10, san. a
afIidovv s,x faa, so,,aro Tha rosoI,,;a an
1,as ad,,,od h,, :, ,,,,ar'r,,,s ~, n1,.Dt
Free Press.
Tho ,ransi, of Vcnus is ,,oinr N occ,r
nav, non,n,hor, ,,t ~ ,,,, - W Ioou,
ittie nrelndo nsa so,t If nro,,oro,;on %
and i, an Tho r;ar and wo,o,, .Tan,,s 49, So
from Tho sc"T IN hlue tisnncl ho,hinc ', s,t
with n hidcous shade hat strannnd9 low,
over bor cars Vn,, JL,rSn Pea apicN wv"
Iodv vio;,or-..yonr h,,. irol.s ,or,o,
Mrs Iores. whats thn mo;,nr ~ Nj 1o ouo,
""ycs na,am hn hn vn,r Lai a., ,r oUus
moro 10 Joc o, hos r'ode h Gnu an ""T,
0',ra .''v ,,,Io ma" Jun ~
our boartS H., oil faisa doo, H. '' a..
Jernr ne ravnr COW, lie 49, ,,n :,
N'Jn,i, Voc wv gu" ''7 '''' A-'"s "'o'e'
A moralist observes The moral law
Always mas the right OF way Ihls sounds
III, s gu. ,e' Wv, a1 ''.o.ai Ia" Set ~ ile WY VI
Rrned H,.i Az !, IHid 'nunur.lhs uoMn
,ho s;d,r,,i H." IN soorni, 80 s,ii gu W
Coz, Nv IN. 70 W. SINE W uaus
'",. w. W" 'V"'""'''"' -'o'e's''er'
ii TURK meets any OF his wives in walk
through me bazaars it is not etiquette for
MN 70 notice them although they may be
throwing away his money right and left. lie
can only stroke ms beard and say "inshal,
iau lpiease G0ul or 'Ailah kerim (God
IS mercliul). What he thinks is another mat
ter'-'>omerf'l|e journal.
v.
attracted much attention at the Leipsic Con-
setVa'ofy OF MUSIC ny Als vlolln-playing.
ineie are opys tlgnt mere IN this town who
attract lnuch aneh'l9h-and other things, also
by theit Vlohn playing. But We are not
liouu Vi theIh. ihey shouIu 20 10 Lelpslc-
'oTF''e"eH Herd90'
Charity at the SALON. Vicomte dc r., in
passing before Mile. b., who is collecting for
the Artists Orphan Asylum, is met with the
cry, Monsieur, do not forget the little Or
phans." The vicomte gives a twenty-franc
piece, saying; nfor your beautiful eyes, mad
en3isehc, Mlie. ID. taxes Tue money then,
WIN most Ingenious ar, she says ihank
you ior ,he eyes monsieur; now-dont Tor
set tie littlc orpnahs' anu tue Vicomte
gives announcer iouis.-fFeheh fdpef.
1t is said that the German wife does noe
occupy the proud position of woman
under the same circumstances in America.
Here she is the pet OF her husbands riches or
poverty, while there she at once becomes the
mans servant. ''Do you love me, Crotch.
emp said burly Teuton to the maiden of
his choice. IL do was the meek reply.
And will you be my wife. p Il will"
"Then, my darling, come here and pull off
my boots ana the proper relation between
husband ana wlie was at once established
Neo i0FN Herdf"
Putting her foot in it; Fashionable lady
snow, his is about the worst daub of the
whole collection ~ Distinguished academi-
clan (of whose artistic profession his fair
companion is ignorant)-"I am sorry you
should think so. for it's mine =" Fashionable