Daily globe., 1882-09-19
OBITUARIES TO ORDER.
The Death Editor Explains His Ability to
Accom- od0fe fV Customers,


accommodate III Customers.
''Good morning, sir" said pale, faded
looking little woman, as she tripped into
the room and took seat beside the city
editor. II called for the purpose of hav
ing an obituary written on the death of
one who was very dear to me-"
IF that is the case, madam" replied the
city editor, Il will have to refer you to that
fair, smooth-faced young man over there,
with the blue and spiritual eye. He is
the death editor, and will take pleasure in
serving you"
The little woman crossed the room and
the death editor politely invited her to be
seated.
How mueh," she inquired, twill you
charge me for writing an obituary."
THAT depends entirely on the style of
the article you desire, and the age of the
subject" replied the death editor. IF the
deceased is a little girl, can give you
something for 20 cents line that will
glide along i'll this way: Little May;
beautiful, loving little May. She was be-
loved by all, end was the idol of her par
ents. Her tiny pattering feet brought
sunshine into the house, and her childish
laughter floated in the air like the soft
music of silver bells. Alas! little
did her fond parents dream
they sat and watched little May chase
butterflies in the garden, that death would
soon claim her for his own You see 1 can
start it off in that way, and wind up by
describing how white and still she lay up
Oh the death-bed, and how she lifted up
her little waxen hand and said, Mamma,
div little May tum roses: wants dem to
do sleep wit me tonight That would be
a master stroke. The roses and the deli
cate dialect of the child would cast po-
etc gloom and raise howl of woe from
here to the far Pacific slope. This kind of
work is my strong card, madam. How does
it suit you?"
1T is very NICE" sighed the little woman,
''but want an obituary written on my
uncle"
We'll, that can be accomplished equally
as easy. Now the proper way to treat an
old subject like your uncle is to ring in
the aged oak business
''What's that, sir?''
',In other words, madam, to describe
how for years he stood like weather
SCARED oak, majestic in his honesty, gen
erosity and manly strength. I can also
compare his family to vines clinging to
the massive oak, and when the terrible
woodsman, Death, felled him to the ground
how they lay crushed and helpless with the
burden of grief. This is little piece of
rustic work which invariably. .excites com
ment and garnishes with a touch of
beauty, as it were, the entire tout ensemble.
Now, if your uncle was in the war-no
matter whether he was a sutler or mott
would be we'll to give him record. Let's
see Ah have it. I could say
''Midst kissing shot and bursting shell
Upon the stubborn foe he fell,
And waved his banner high
But my uncle wasn't in the army" said
the lite woman.
We'll, perhaps he was prominent citi
zen, large merchant or something of that
kind. and l can tune up by remarking
ALAS. again we are called upon to chron-
icie the death of one who for the past forty
years. has been identified with the history
of New Orleans"
But my uncle was not large mer.
chant" said the grief-stricken female. He
worked on towboat."
He did, Ell? sighed the death editor
''Well, then, we will have to locate him as
one of the pioneers of 1924. You know, in
writing an obituary, it is not absolutely
necessary to confne yourself strictly tc
the text. Now can dash off something
for thirty cents a line that will produce q
universal wall as weird and hollow as q
iackass'5 nicker in an old saw mill. Al
the end of the obituary l can round of
beautifully. The idea has just struck me
For instance, I'll say, Lets draw aside the
curtain and gaze upon the once happy
fireside now made desolate by death.
Then l will draw vivid picture of the
remaining members of the family, seated
about the room, with their heads bowed
in grief. On the hearth rug 1 will
| have the house cat, looking thoughtfully
into the glowing embers. You see, the
great art in writing obituaries is to bring
in something that is natural as well as pic.
turesque. What is moro natural than a
cat, comfortably ensconsed on rug, look
ing into the fire. Take out the cat and you
mar the picture. Put in the olt, and i'm.
mediately the scene is touched with nature
This style of obituary is what we call the
gem. 1t is really worth forty cents line
but you can have it for thirty
'Will you promise to write it nicely fol
me?.'
Eyes, madam: when 1 get through with
your uncle you may not recognize him, but
you will feel proud of him."
The little woman paid the price of the
obituary and was bowed out of the room
and the death editor, with inspiration in
his eye, and his mind fixed on tombstoaes.
settled quietly down to work.