The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-02-10
Hash.
A cheap country sea.tt-a stumn.

A man is like carpet, when he is
Kept down by tax.
Man wants but little here below, and
that's Just about what he gets.
Many man of forty cold winters has
a conscience just as go cd as new, be-
cause he has never used it.
Esculapius practiced medicine even
when an infant, which gave rise TO the
song "M. ID. Is the cradle"
The best description we have ever
heard of slow man was that he was
too slow to get out of his own way.
When Abel was consigned 10 The
grave, the funeral procession consisted
only of "members of the first family.n
According to the Transcript, ,Ithe re-
suit OF @stheticism ia. seen in the beg
gars who no longer ask for "cold
victuals,' but for "broken food.r
"You had better change that rug,v
said lady to her servant. "Don't
you think IL corroborates better with
the carpet In this way" the response.
The facetious postage-stamp clerk
who told a man that asked for two
twos that this was not an aesthetic post.
office Is now looking for new situa-
| tion.
The New York News saws: "Tis
easier TO break the public opinion than
oppose the will of your second wife.
Good gracious We don't dare saw
our soul is our own with our first
A primary school teacher sent a little
girl TO inquire why another scholar was
absent from school. The child return
ed with the news that the absentee had
bad "ulster' In her throat and
couldn't come.
The man who sells four uuarts 10 tbc
gallon is the best product of the Chris.
tan religion extant, anG will walk
Doidiy through the gate of paradise
Whiie the man who prays at the street
corner is trying in vain to pick the
lock.
Twelve thousand shovels are mann.
factured in the United States every
week. And yet, remarks Burdette
when man wants his own individual
shovel after dark, he has to paw and
claw around over two tons of soft coal
ieeling for 1t, making remarks in the
meantime that are enough TO blister
any coal shovel that ever hid itself be.
tween the end of the shed and ar
empty barrel.
a San Francisco paper says ga very
hungry arrival at the Palace rushed in
to the dining-room the other day and
fell upon the eatables with great deter
mination. Il declare! said one of those
motel funny dogs, who sat at the same
table. My dear sir, YOU remind me o.
the Prodigal Son. Exactly said tht
hungry man, as he speared another cut
let. T'm forced to eat with the hogs.
And the lardy-tlah was carried ont OF
chip"
A boy at Moline, III. had TO b,
whipped thirteen times before Il,
would consent TO be vaccinated: bn
patience and peach-tree limb at las
won the victory.
Friend of the family to the boy twins
"Pn afraid you little fellows don't al
ways agree. You fight each othel
sometimes, don't your" Twins: "Yeth
thir, thumtimth." +. of the F.: "Ah,
though 80. Well, who whips?" Twin
"Mamma whips.'
Question in French journal: "Whe,
lady receives visit from a gentle
man, ought she to rise or remain seatet
when the visitor enters and when HI
takes his leave?" liz the lady lives il
Washington, says an American paper
shc will rise without regard TO Partisan
etiquette and accompany him as far a
the hall, to see that he doesn't carry OF
ten-dollar ivory-handled umbrella il
place Of the dollar-and-a-half cottol
one usually carried by visiting states
, men.
"Do you believe in Bronson Alcott'
, theory OF aesthetic eating?" asked
Boston lady of her Chicago admirer
81 don't know what Bronson Alcott'
(; theory of aesthetic eating is," he an
5 swered," but when Pm hungry, "a brac
Of mutton chops, some porterhous
Q steak "a dozen or two buckwheat cakes
Q four soft-boiled eggs and plate of has
: m axe q meal that is aesthetic enough TO
me- "ies, yes, bnt You dom
understand me-" impatiently adde,
his fair interrogater; "Mr. Alcott'
; theory has reference to persons, no
to pigs"
One Of the surest preventives of sea
sickness Is 10 take ont your stomacl
: and viscera, and leave them ashor
\ until you return. This plan is atten
ded with. some little Inconvenience
, but It's solid preventive. Cut thi
/ ont and paste it in your hat. It ma
D save your life next summer.
brown, of Philadelphia, is kind
hearted man. Every night he give
each Of his children five cents for goin
i Ito bed early, so as not to disturb hiI
. when reading the evening paper
Il About midnight he creeps noiselessl
4 upstairs, takes the I've cents from thei
pockets, and gives them whippin
for losing 1t.