Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-03-15
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE,

LET us spray, said the fountain.
DOES a mad dog have tight pants?
A FELLOW feeling-The blind man.
Is it proper to give a fish ball during
| Lent
WHAT day in the year do women talk
the least ?-The shortest day.
WHAT fruit does newly-married
couple MOST resemble pa green pear.
FooD forrehection- Mince pie, cheese
lobster salad. No sleep. Time to think.
-NeaO Orleans Pjcaya1ae.
The jollv-boat ought always to be
manned by good-natured crew.-Bo8-
ton Star.
WHY is dogs tail very great nov
city ?-because no one ever saw it be-
ore.
IT is said "Fortune knocks once at
every mans door," In most cases it
must have knocked when the man was
out.-NeaO Orleans Picayu1ae.
SHE told him that she could read his
mind like an open book, and then softly
added, "Blank book. Chicago Tra6-
st2ae.
MRS. DEVIL" is the name of new
opera bouffe in Paris. It is presumed
that the heroine will appear in Satan
dress.
ATMOSPHERIC knowledge is not thor
oughly distributed to our schools. A
boy being asked "What is mist ?'
vaguely replied, can umbrella
COLUMBUS made the egg stand, but we
shall never know who the great dis
coverer was who first made the egg nogg.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
ExAsPERAT1NG: "You will go down
in history" said the impatient Snifkins,
"the slowest of all mortals.' Said Mrs.
Sniffkins, gently: 81 thought history
was in the past. Rome Sentinel.
AN exchange prints an article entitled
elbow to distinguish smallpox" But
no one wants to distinguish smallpox.
| What the public wants to know is how
to extinguish it.-NorristoaUn Herald.
WE shall never be happy until we see
the Keely motor climbing the peaks of
Darien with British iron-clad ship-of-
war on it's back under the command of
Captain Eads. Cincinnati CONNER
ci0I.
"WERE you hurt near any one of the
ve1tebr@ ?" asked lawyer of witness
who wanted damages. "No," was the
answer; "I was hunt right on the race
course, close to the judges stand. -
Boston Globe.
IT is stated that not a single passenger
has been killed on a western railroad
which has been twenty-five years in
operation, which means, we presume,
that they kill married people only on
that ine.-Boston Commercial Bull
Leti7a.
SAID Jones, I" I forgot your number,
SO I inquired in every liquor saloon in
the neighborhood; but they did not know
you" Said Smith, "Of course they
didn't; I always pay. cash in the saloons.
Now, if you had only known enough to
inquire for me at the grocery stores"
HER mistake: "Why do you suppose
Rev. johnson Reed is always driving
over to Smithville?" asked one Austin
gentleman of another, ellis wife says
he goes over to admire the beauty of the
place, was the reply. eyes, but does
his wife know that the beauty of the
place is young widow?"
Mrs. HUNTER, of Virginia. says, in de-
Tense of the cart-wheei hat: why,
only brief week ago, one rainy night,
I walked for two squares behind a young
couple, whose best protection from the
driving storm was a Gainsboro hat and
their simple, loving faith in each other.
It was beautiful and affecting sight"
BARNUM gave the keeper of his ele-
plant $1,000 when he learned that
"mother and child were doing WE'LL" AS
the keeper is not obliged to get out of
bed at midnight to dose the baby with
paregoric, to keep it quiet, his position
will be envied by fathers whose income
is less than five hundred dollars a year.
|-NorTdstoaUn Herald.
"GUssIE dear" said she, as she leaned
a tender cheek on his manly checked
ulster, "why are these snow-fakes like
your moustache ?" This pleased him,
even to have it noticed. CT don't know,
pet" he murmured innocently. "Why
are they?" because they are slow
coming down." He drove with both
hands after this.-H0rV0rd LnnapOOn.
A PAPER at Gainesville, Texas, recently
appeared with the following salutatory:
We enter upon the functions of journal
ism with an imperious consciousness of
a personal committal to the high moral
responsibilities incident to a position
recognized by intelligence and morality
as representative and formative entity,
moulding and vitalizing the intelligent
constituency who perpetuates by preroga-
tive it's existence.
In railroad car the seats were all full
except one, which was occupied by
easant-looking Irishman, and at one of
the stations a couple of evidently we'll
bred and intelligent young ladies came
in to procure seat. Seeing none vacant,
they were about to go into the next car,
when Patrick arose hastily and offered
them his seat with evident pleasure.
" But you will have no seat for your
self" responded one of the young ladies,
with smile, hesitating, with true polite
ness, to accept it. "Niver mind that -
said the gallant Hibernian, ''Pd ride
upon a cow-catcher to New York any
time for smile from such jintlemanly
ladies'"
ONE moonless night last week an Au-
hurn DEACON liphted his lantern took