The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-07-08
Business Was Bad.

"And how are things in the Ear West,
now?" asked a Brooklyn man OF
stranger he had picked up, and who had
been living out in the territories.
bad" replied the frontiersman.
Things are not what they used to be.
Why, Sir, they try a man by jury now!
Yes, sir! Catch horse-thief and lock
him up in Jail and give him just as fair
trial as they do man who murders
woman! o, the whole country is broke
upr
"You surprise me!' replied the Brook
Ign man, who was more surprised by the
manner than the matter of the intelli-
gence.
Fact! Where live they've lynched
only one man in four years. and that was
for wearing a stand-up collar! And
they don't shoot any more! No, sir, If
two men have row, they fight with
their fists, and the Sheriff sees fair play!
| tell you this beastly civilization has
ruined the frontier. They arrest even
road agents now Think of that! Road
agents! They used to elect themSchool
Trustees, and stage driver is no more
account than Mayor is in Brooklyn! l
tell you the frontier is deadr'
''But how is business?"
Nothing doing at ALL You see they We
got blue-ribbon lodges, and that knocked
business galley west Absolutely moth
ing doing. Merchants are starving ever
since the temperance movement COM
menced. don't know what the coun-
try is coming TOP
Don't the temperance people do any
thing for a living?"
Nothing to speak of. o, they have
little shops and kind of trade among
themselves to keep each other going, but
legitimate business is busted | tell you!
Why, sir, there hasn't over forty barrels
of whisky come into our town in two
months! That shows you how business
is. What do you think they had there
just before l left?''
'Tm sure / don't know"
ga church festival You won't be-
lieve it; church festival! Right in the
heart of the town! The merchants got
together and swore they would not go,
and they stayed away. But that didn't
break it up! As sure as sit here, those
people went right along and had their
festival! That shows how things are go
ing. Then friend of mine licked a
deacon one day, Fined him cash for it,
and he had to payr'
'Any gambling there now?n
Gambling! gambling! Well, 1 should
say not! There ism over eighty or hun
dred gambling houses in the town, where
it used to. be the staple enterprise!
Gambling! 1 tell you everything is
dead. Why, they've even got ten-cent
pieces for change! Think of ten-cent
piecesn'
"How do you account for all thisp"
"The newspapers did it! They would
blow about the country and tell what a
town they had, and now they've got it!
We were doing well enough, but out
siders found out that it was good place,
and in they came with their puritanical
notions, and knocked honest industry
higher n stack of chips! Twas opposed
to the papers, and said they'd make
trouble, but they let 'em go on, and
where are we MOVE"
''Do you think of going back?'
whats the use? There's no trade at
all. EVerybody's honest, and all making
money farming. I've got farm my
self, hundred and eighty acres, but
that's no work for me. Legitimate en-
terprise is bustedr'
want to sell your farm" asked the
Brooklyn man, cautiously.
"Sell it! I'd give it away! It's worth
$50, 900, and I'd take $4,000 for it."
The Brooklyn man reflected a mo.
ment, and then the trade was consum-
mated. Later on the deed was trans
ferred, and the Brooklyn man went
home to tell his wife.
The frontiersman sent the following
dispatch:
"Buck Dudley, Hole in the Wall. Montana.
Jump the Norwegian's claim tonight. Have
sold it to a sucker, and potted the cleanup
Buy Calamity Frazer's saloon for me on thirty
days. Leave on the train tonight
KICKER BAILEY"
Sometimes Montana business is better
in Brooklyn than in Montana, and an
able-bodied liar who doesn't lie too hard
can do country as much good as a
whole territorial press that overdoes the
atter.-Brooklyn Eagle.