Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-09-29
OR KALEIDOSCOPE,

An unpleasant movement ON fOOt-slip- |
ping up.
Russia has new peasant poet by the name
OF Panof. He might as well give it up A
man with only two syllablcs to his name cant |
expect 10 rise in Russia.
DR.. Jabez Pluckermin is the very uppro.
pirate name of a quack doctor in New York.
81 guess your papa's got sound teeth, any
way" said little Miss who was visiting II,
the Blobsons. "Ile makes uoi.c chough
when he eats"
Whenever a woman wants new bonnet.
she reminds her husband that there are three
cardinal graces in man faith, hope ana
charity, aud the greatest of these is charity
But should he incidentally remark that he
has subscribed fifty cents towards the Tor
eign missionary fund, she hits up her voice
in II derisivc wall against the pious delusiou
of sending Chinese fans to Greenland aud red
flannel chest protectors to the swcaty sons q,
the tropics.
\ Young man in Morrsyllc Swallowed "a
pin laI Sunday. That is mca1sr he sever
took N plnaforc.
AurXchnu3e rucfullv remarks lhGi nm
ounce ut keep your u,outh-shul is worth
pound ct explanation Well. friend. we're
sorry for yuu. We've felt jus, that way
onrsc'f, sometimes, hut it!l rass of.
"iit' l.. Titc" is the lame of Baptis,
Sunday school 70 ..H' mr Green Noun
tales beware Of hiin, iris.
Relative 10 The ,il'or his wife, slorg,
Blohson says that they are about two feet.
sir Garnet Woscley is temperance man,
never touching liquor Of any kind. Garnet
is II jewel.
Essence of chicken" is the name of Il
White Mountain hotel soup; the water of
which it is made is drawn from II well near
the hen-house.
CDR Bliss says in his statement, says the
Burlington Huckeye, that more than half
his patients left when lac took charge of the
Presidents case, and never came back to
him again. HIM; HI; very possibly; very
likely. Indeed, that's exactly what the
President did also"
y prohibitoly liquor law has gone into eff
feet in Madagascar. Fortunately there are
neither aldermen nor grand juries there.
The thermometer seems to he very SEN
sblc sort of affair 1t is always quoted as
being in the shade Philadelphia Buletin
The excursion steamboat accident season
L.s
boat perfectly safe first remove the boilers
and then beach the boat. 49, PHAads'plia
Chronicle
The meanest man on the grounds Of the
| Canada Fair ut Toronto was one who to oh
tain Il seat, created a stampede in one OF the
upper balconies by telling the crowd of spec
tators congregacd there that the gallery was
not safe. When the majority of the people
| had left rather hurrlcdly the mean man sell
ected the most comfortable chair he could
find. and, seating himself, said "Wcll. of
course, ii you all 90 away there will no. lie
so much danger, and I'll remain"
Old Dyke was grumbling about the dcrrn-
cracy OF the times, and sighed for the good
| old times, especially dwelling upon the trav-
cling IN the years when he was young
jenkins listened until he was tired, aud then
burst out Like the old style of travelling
best, do We: Then why in thunder don I
You take the spring out of your wagon and
bump along on the cX:"-LotrsN citizen.
A Washington clerk who had key of spe-
Gle drop on his fingers is one of the few peo-
pie who ever had So much cash on hand
Fl0atjhg Fun.
The wlcs of the legal practitioner have
more than once brought the sharpcst darts ci
wit and satire about his ears. President
Scguier was always hard upon the lawyers.
When the docket was being called one day il
was found that both advocates in Il certain
case were absent. go on with it, then"
cried the president in high spirit, go on
with it ; we will now have chance OF get
ting at the truth. "-French WI.
The neghbors of Stale street woman
were unable to ascertain how she spraincd her
wrist until the sX-ycar-old son said There
was a noise in the house last night, and pap
thought it was burglars, and he kept nam in
front of him, and she fell down stairs. -
Hackensack RepuJlican.
A patron at Il table of small hotel on the
Catskill Mountains, who was about to tackle
piece of dred-apple pie, addressing the
landlady, said, "Do you think You could fur
nish me with bit of cheese;' | don't
know whether there is any she answered,
in Cast-lron tone of voice, but if you'll
have little patience Eli send Il waiter to
look through the mouse traps and see. '-Uo-
tel Mail.
The reward of gcnius-l'rown (to his
schoolielow, Jones, the distinguished man
OF letters, successful novelist, etc. etc
Not seen you for ten years And you are
writing still So am |. Capital berth my
dear boy-sub- editor 10 the 'BasketmakerS'
Trade Annual ALI. our work is useful
enough, but it doesn't bring either of us
much before the public-now does it;'-
Punch.
An old lady, hearing that John Bright con-
templated visiting this country, hoped that
he wouldn't bring his disease with him.
NOrriStOicH HtFdH.
There are now about 2i00 different dis
eases, and every year the strain on single
patent medicirc becomes harder and harder,
yet the medicine stands up manfully and
promises to cure them all.-.Neio OrIrdES
Picayuue.
The New York Democrats didn't object t.
barrel, but they wouldn't have IL Flower
barrel. LotceH Conrtr.
"Silcncc that dreadful BELLE said Spider
AS the beauty of the hotel yowlcd an operat-
ic air in the parlor. Boston Commercial Bul-
letn.
This is the season of the year when near
sighted individuals nj evening parties walk
OIL with II new high hat in mistake for their
own hiladtiphia Ne'cs.
Said railroad engineer to au lrishman,,
whose COW had been killed, But she didn't
get out OF the way when rang the bell.
Faith, thin" said Pat 'yc didn't sthop