New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-15

The gentleman stepped on the coal
Dealers platform scales and asked to be
weighed. The dealer said: '.Why, GER
tainly," and called to the man inside to
take the weight. And the man thought
it was coal he was weighing and shout
ed back the weight six hundred pounds
''To-morrow's Sunday, isn't it, man,
map ''Yes, dear.'' ''Mayn't 1 play
with the cards and build castles with
them?" Certainly not, dear!' 'sBut,
mamma, mightn't play with the pray
er-books, you know, if build church
with them?''
The title of the lesson was, t1The rich
young man. and the golden text was,
Zone thing thou lackest." A teacher
in the primary class asked little tot to
repeat the two, and, looking earnestly
into the young lady's face, the child
said: Zone thing thou lackest-a rich
young man."
A woman forgot to send home some
work on Saturday. On Sunday morn
ing she told little girl who lived with
her to put on her things and take the
bundle under her shawl to the lady's
house: Nobody will see it, she said.
''But is it not Sunday under my shawl,
aunty?'' asked the child.
In recent lecture, Henry Ward
Beecher said: ''In this country smart
men have always a chance" That is
true enough; but after they haye had it
hundreds Of them shake their country
and go to Canada and stay until the d.
rectOrs fix up the affair with the stock
holders.
''Yes, you may come again next Sun
day evening, Charley, dear, but
"What is it, darling? Have given you
pain?" he asked, as she still remained
silent. "You didn't mean to, I'm sure"
she responded, but next time don't wear
one of those collars with the points
turned outward; they scratch 500
They were talking of Esop's fables.
'.Esop was no fool,' said young 10
from Eton to Lavinia. Mrs. Ramsboth-
am, entering at the moment, overheard
this. and at once replied: .sWell, don't
know about that. At all events, it was
very wicked of him to sell his birth
right for mess of porridge."- Punch.
A wealthy father is giving good ad-
vice to his son, who is about to enter
society: ''And, above all, avoid flirta-
lions. But if you must flirt, or fall in
love, sir, be sure that it is with pretty
woman. 1t is always safer" "Why?,
Because some other fellow will be sure
to be attracted and cut you. out before
any harm has been done.''
A man never loses anything by being
polite. A Buffalo gentleman, waiting
for train, saw a woman slip upon
something and nearly fall He hurried
to assist her and helped her to rise, and
as he did so she dropped valise which
proved to be his own, which he had left
in the depot few minutes before, and
which she was attempting to steal
A notorious scamp, much affected in
revival, once went to jonathan Ed
wards, and said to him, in the religious
parlance of the time: II realize that /
am the chief of Sinners Glad to hear
it," replied the dominic; '.your neigh
bors have long realized it, II feel"
persisted the whining penitent, chat I
am willing to be damned for the plorv
Of God" ..Well," replied the hard
hearted preacher, Il don't know any,
body around here that would have tho
slightest objection
Rector (whose curate has lately left
the parish). visiting old woman
We'll, Betty, I expect you will miss
Mr.. Robinson . good deal?'' Betty
''Oh, yes, sir! He were . beautiful
young man, sir!'' Rector well, he
was . very good man, Betty; but ldon't
know about his being exactly .'beauti-
full. Betty-"Oh, he weren't much.
to look at in the face, ! know, but, lor',
sir, his innards was lovely Judy.
During the rebuilding Of an orthodox
church in Massachusetts town the So
ciety worshiped morning and evening
in the Unitarian church, the building
being occupied in the afternoon by the
Unitar;ans. A visiting clergyman at
the evening service, having called upon
the Lord to bless the evening and morn.
ing service, added: ..And viii thon bless
% much Of the afternoon serxras q