The Portland daily press., 1882-10-25
Wit and Wisdom.

At debating society, the other evening,
members wrangled as to who had the floor.
In few minutes both had it by turns, with
the chairman as referee.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate jim Dyspepsia.
FRANCIS Ell. ATKINS, A. A. Surgeon, U.
S. A., says: 'For dyspepsia, whether in the
lean or corpulent, in nervous debility and in
night sweats of consumption, it has commonly
given speedy benefit, and some of my army
friends are quite enthusiastic about it.
1t is because he has heard that close atten-
ton to small things makes the successful man,
that certain young clerk in this city takes
such good care of his moustache.
If you would have Appetite, Flesh, Color,
Strength and Vigor, take Ayers Sarsaparilla,
which will confer them upon you in rapid sue
cesson.
: "There!'' triumphantly exclaimed Dead
wood editor, as bullet came through the win
dow and shattered the inkstand, 81 knew that
new Personal column would be a success"
Puny, weak and sickly children are made
healthy and strong by using Browns Iron Bit
tiers.
"Adolphus, let us leave the avenue and
stroll along the margin of the river" mot
any, Evangeline; no more margins for me-"
(Adolphus had been specializing in futures
that week.
Look sharp when your skin breaks ont ia
pimpes, and use Glenn's Sulphur Soap.
Hills Hair Dye, black or Brown, so cents.
Fat men are always the very essence of good
nature. Nine out of ten will only laugh when
you accidentally poke them in the stomach with
your umbrella, and the tenth will beg your
pardon for being so big.
An elastic step, buoyant spirits, and elea
compilations are among the many desirable re
suits of pure blood. The possessor of healthy
blood has his faculties at command, and enjoys
a clear and quick perception, which is impos-
sible when the blood is heavy and sluggish
with impurities. Ayers Sarsaparilla is the
best blood purifier and vitalizer known.
Between two worthy country neighbors
meeting on the boulevard: "What, you here!
How long have you been in PARISH" "a
week. "And do you enjoy it," IT should
think did, I wear my Sunday clothes every
day.
If you have rheumatism or neuralgia apply @
Hop Plaster lit has a wonderful soothing Of.
feet and its pain-allaying properties will af-
ford immediate relief. % cents at druggists.
| q. Philadelphia Christian on being told BY
| his clergyman that during Lent he should give
up something which he highly priced, he de-
termined after long wrestling with himself
! that when the time comes he should surrender
to his wife his night-key.
*Many a sickly woman, whose sad expert
| ence had demonstrated alike the failure Of
| conceited doctors and poisonous drugs, has OBJ
tanned a new lease of life for few dollars
/ worth of the Vegetable Compound and has
gone on her way rejoicing and praising Mrs
| Lydia E. PinBham of Lynn, Mass.
mo Indian ever has his pony shod," OBJ
serves journal, land yet the Indian Depart
me4t is charged with $4,000 worth of horse.
shoes per year" Oh, that's all right. The
Indians hang EN- over the doors OF their wig
vans to bring good luck.
When fashionable lassitude is established to
Gu0 uoSbIQcblOu VI OulOtlOuy anu bue
sufferer longs for death rather than life, there
| is no better remedy than DIR. Benson's Celery
and Chamomile Pills, which brace up the sys-
tenn and give to sleep its blessed representatives,.
A correspondent wonders why private boxes
at theatres are not made so as to command a
| good view of the stage. He mistakes the pur-
| pose of the boxes. If they commanded good
view of the stage the audience could not COM
mand good view of the people in them.
Rowel, Hazael, O'Lsary, Hart and other
pedestrians all use German Corn Remover.
25c. All druggists.
Alteration and respect for blue blood can
scarcely go beyond this: At a provincial law
court case was. being heard in which the de-
PENDANT happened to be noble lord. 1.-The
evidence, my lord, :" said the registrar, hand
ing up the book, that you shall give before
this court shall be the real truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth, SO help your
lordsbip's God"
A Portland lady said: II owe my success In
cooking buildings, biscuits, doughnuts, dump
lings, cakes, &c., to Congress Yeast Powder.
1t never fails and that is what can't say OF
some others have used"