West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-06-09
ARE NE III cRaNks,

very lew persons are Tree from q
touch Of that peculiar condition Of
mind which in it's extreme Develop
msnt constitutes the full. blow
crank. If we look around us We can
pick out crsnks OF the mildest type
in all walks of life. On the stage
the most common kind OF cranks ere
those who imagine that they could
play Hamlet better than Booth il
the public were not prejudiced. &.
Next comes the female vocalist, who
is confident that she con,d outwar-
ble Patti, If the newspapers would
only say 90. Then there is the
cranky musician, who feels in every
muscle that he could outpiano Lszt,
II the audience would only list.
In private life crsnks of the kinds
thus far mentioned are multitudi-
nous. If We turn to the pulpit the
crank who imagines that he is JON
athan Edwards or a Spurgeon, and
that his hearers will be 10 ade better
by two hours OF sermon at time, by
no means stands alone. Then we
have :he medical crank, who has
positively discovered the secret Of
perpetual youth, and who knows
more about medicine than
ali the practitioners from Es-
cu!apius and Paracelsus down.
Often this crank has secret under
standing with the undertaken.
He fills graveyards with patients,
and his pocket with money. Have
we not the legal crank who posters
the life out OF honest men and wo-
men until they consent to bring law
suits against each other over mat
Iers which it would be child's play
to adjust amicably? Whenever an
action of this kind which $24 80
is at stake results in $lS5 % fees for
the lawyer, it may be safely asserted
that there Is method in his orsuki-
ness. Is he not also crank who
spends five hours tryiag to convince
you that you wall make two hundred
per cent. by investing in scheme
which you have just tried and found
a fraud Cranks who bulldcze de-
fenceless women into purchasing
worthless books, albums, and other
trash, under the plea that they are
supplying a "long felt want in The
community, should be squelched
without mercy. TEE eloquent crank
who tries TO pull you into store
to buy goods which he Astters him.
sell you believe he sells at less than
they cost him ought also to be sup
pI essed. TEen we might mention
the crank who imagines that he can
gain customers without advertising
in the newspapers and who thrusts
obnoxious bsudbiIis into the faces
OF those who have not the time, or
are too feeble, to knock him down.
Speaking OF newspapers, we might
mention q multitude Of persons
closely resembling cranks. There
is the man who comes in regularly to
instruct the editor how to run a
newspaper; the man who ignorantly
supposea the newspaper men Will
gulp down his batteries when with
the next breath be asks for free
puff or come other favor; also the
fellow who is haunted with the idea
that the newspaper off ces are estab-
lished for the purpose Of dealing out
free circus aud theater passes TO
those who condescend to apply for
them. Then there is the crank who
imsgInes the exchanges come TO the
office for his sole ben fit, aud bis
fellow nuisance who lctually believes
that live newspaper is in want OF
something which is not news "to Eli
up with" The crank who sends in
anonymous communications and
searches the paper day after day in
vain should also be mentioned
and also that mean specimen who
cannot get rid Of the i'm
preston that a Newspaper ex-
lists solely for the purpose Of setting
HE personal grudges II we could
skim the public pot OF bubling.
seething Humanity and remove the
scum OF oreukinesq, how much bet
ter the residuum would be for the
operation
DON CAMERON'S THRBAT.
| Judge Jerre Black remarked The