Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-09-13
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.

ONION is rank but hatred is rancor.
BR1TAIN's jewel just now is a Garnet.
The modern ie.rate-ten cents
piece.
EGYPTIAN war song-The Camels are
| Coming.
The best thing to take before singing
breath.
OUR annual quotation from Josh Bill
hpgs: "Darn q fiji. -
A MOONLIGHT engagement In
Egypt. How romantic!
DANCING may improve your carriage
somewhat, but it's no valuable accom-
plishment for the horse. Bur0ette.
A LITTLE fellow asked his mother if
silks grew. He had probably heard of
the gros grain silk. .5I0deEOhiG But
letin.
A KENTUCKY editor is in dilemma.
It is not how to dispose OF his edition,
but whether the profits on the sale of his
old exchanges will pay for the next is
sue.
Four brothers named Burnett recently
married four sisters named Berry.
This happened in Tennessee, where the
berry crop is unusually choice and plen-
tiful.
WHY ought wicked people to go car
rage driving often =? Because it fire.
quently admoHishes them them to
"keep to the right. - hiZodeLa3h&a
Item.
AMERICAN compositors are not the
only ones who make mistakes, The
/ london ITnlooro71h
stone as saying that ne had ''sat at
the feet of the Game bird of Birming-
ham, instead of the Gamaliel of Biz
mingham.
A New YORK man says he keeps chops
and steaks for several days in the hottest
weather by burying them in meal.
Meal is good thing in any weather for
steaks and chops. We more particular
ly refer just now to the morning meal.
Danba1ry NeWS.
A LITTLE lady of two and half years
had picked up a cane in the corner was
playing with it-a plain stick bent at the
end. Papa asked, "What are you do
ing with the cane ?" cit isn't q cane"
"What is it, then?" cts an umbrella
without any clothes on it. %
"WHAT will I do with my hens if they
do not lay" Let them get into your
neighbours garden among the vegetables.
Ii they do not lay, the Eeighbor will
probably lay for them. The only trouble
about this method is the hens are laid
out SO soon.-Tero8 S2tting8.
Two little girls were playing with
kitten, when Ella inquired '' How is
your little girl to-day" "She's sick
wifi scarlet fever" replied Lulu.
"What's her name?" Lulu hesitated
a moment and then said: Zone day I
put some camphor on her nose and it
stinged so dat call her 'Smarty.'"
Ono, sir" said DR.. Jalap, 81
wouldn't have that apple-tree cut down
for money" "But you never get any
fruit from it, argued Brown; " the boys
steal al the apples before they are half
ripe" "That's just it." replied the
doctor, with a quiet smile; "that tree
stands me in good thousand every
season. "-Boston Transcript.
The ancient Greeks used to call the
cook an archimagirus, and his salary
was 1000 year. And even now it
isn't at all certain that the ancient cooks
possessed the modern secret of frying
piece of liver so that it curls up like
sun-burnt shoe sole, and you can draw
blood in the middle and strike fire on the
edges of it.-BaArlir1gto7a HnaOkeye.
GIVE lost a patient" said doctor,
sitting down to boarding house dinner
table, with q frown on his face as dark
as gunpowder poultice, sc I am sorry
to hear i. Man OF woman ?" asked one
Of the boarders. " Man. - GO When did he
die?' ode! Hang him, he's not dead.
He stopped taking my medicine, got
well and ran away without paying the
bill. ''-Arto9asas Traveller.
HUNDREDS of thousands of men die
annually from strong drink.-Kans08
PrOhi6dtiOnjsts. We never undertake
to criticise any other editor, but we do
not believe that any man can die annu-
ally. Annually means every year, and
no man can die every year for any great
length of time, unless he has a great deal
of practice and experience SSft-
dngs.
A CINCINNATIsocietyr reporter has mys-
teriously disappeared, and foul play is
suspected, although it is possible tina
he is hiding somewhere in the Rocky
Mountains, as he was well supplied with
railroad passes. His last article was an
account of the marriage OF q pork-pack-
er's daughter, in which report he used
the term "swen wedding" 1t came
out in the papers ''swill wedding. -
Philadelphia NeaUs.
The Louisville Courier has fallen into
a philosophical and politico economical
mood with the following attempt to de-
fine pessimism and optimism: "A pes
simist is one who takes the surplus kit
tens. just after they are born, and chloro
forms them. The optimist is one who
lets the kittens grow up, to live
wretched, starving life; to be tortured
continually by boys and other thought
less animals, ana to be finally killed with
brickbats and left to rot on the street.
PLANTATION philosophy: Remember,
young man, dat de bes' frien' yer's got
on dis earth is better frien' ter himself
den he is ter you.-Pay no 'tention ter
man by de boasts what he makes.