Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1882-12-28
HIS PA Is" NIgHIATED."
The Milwaukee Mad BOY Tries an Ex.
pertinent Which Produces Startling
and Unexpected Results.

LILO I u ID 0xoAxh4o0s
pertinent Which Produces Startling
and Unexpected Results.
Peck's Sun.
Say, are you . Mason, or . nodfellow, or
anything?" asked the bad boy of the grocery
man.
SWhy, yes, of course am"
@Well, do the goats bunt when you nishiats
. fresh candidate?"
@No, of course not The goats are cheap
ones, that have no life, and we muzzle them,
and put pillows over their heads, 80 they can't
hurt anybody" says the grocery man, as he
winked at brother nodfellow who was seated
on a sugar barrel, looking mysterious But
why do you ask?"
20, nuthin, onlyI wish me and my chum
had muzzed our goat with pillow. Pa
would have enjoyed his becoming member
Of our lodge better You see, pa had been
telling US how much good the Masons and
Odd Fellers did, and said we ought to try and
grow up good SO we could jine the lodges
when we got big, and asked pa if it would do
any hurt for us to have play lodge in my
room, and purtend to nishiate, and pa said it
wouldn't do any hurt He said it would i'm
prove our minds, and learn US to be men. So
my chum and me borried goat that lives in
the livery stable.
sYou see my chum and me had to carry the
goat up to my room when pa and ma was out
riding, and he blatted 80 we had to tie hand
kerchief around his nose, and his feet made
such a noise on the floor that we put some
babys socks on his feet Gosh, how frowny
goat smells, don't il? should think you
Masons must have strong stummix
We'll, sir, my chum and me practiced with
that goat until he could bunt picture of a
goat every time. We borried buck beer sign
from saloon man, and hung it on the back of
a chair, and the goat would hit it every
time. That night pa wanted to know what
we were doing up in my room. and l told
him we were playing lodge, and improv-
ing our minds, and pa said that was
right, there was nothing that did boys of our
and store by useful nollidge Then my chum
asked pa if he didn't want to come up and
take the grand bumper degree, and pa LATED
and said he didn't care if he did jast to en-
courage the boys in innocent pastime, that
was so improving to our intellect We had
he had got over batting, 80 we took Off the
handkerchief, and he was eating some OF
my paper collars and skate straps We
went up stairs and told pa to come up pretty
soon and give three distinct raps, and when
we asked him who was there he must say,
q pIgaric who wants to join your ancient Or
der and ride the goat Ma wanted to
come up too, but we told her if she come in it
would break up the lodge, cause woman
couldn't keep secret, and we didn't have any
side-saddle for the goat Say, if you never
tried it, the next time you initiate man in
your mason's lodge, you sprinkle little kyan
pepper on the goats beard just afore you
turn him loose. You can get three tunes as
much fun to the square inch of goat You
wouldn't think it was the same goat Well,
we got all fixed, and pa raped, and we let
him i'm in and told him he must be blind
folded, and he got on his knees laffing, and
tied towel around his eyes, and then 1
turned him around and made HIM get down
on his hands also, and then his back was
right towards the closet door, and l put the
buck beer sign right against pas clothes.
He was laffing all the time, and said we
boys were full of fun as they made EN- and
We told him it was solemn occasion, and We
wouldn't permit no levity, and if he didn't stop
lafing we couldn't give him the grand bumper
degree. Then everything was ready, and my
chum had his hand on the closet door, and
some kyan pepper in his other hand, and |
asked pa in low bass tones if he felt as though
he wanted to turn back, or if he had nerve
enough to go ahead and take the degree. 1
warned him that it was full of dangers, as the
goat was loaded for beer, and told him he yet
had time to retrace his steps if he wanted to.
He said he wanted the whole bizness, and we
could go ahead with the menagerie Then 1
said to pa that if he had decided to go ahead,
and not blame us for the consequences, to
repeat after me the following: Bring forth
the royal bumper, and let him bump!' Pa re-
peated the words, and my chum sprinkled the
kyan pepper on the goats mustache, and he
sneezed once and looked sassy, and then he
sees the lager beer goat raring up, and he
started for it, just like cow catcher, and
blatted Pa is real fat but he knew he got hit
and grunted, and said, 'Helrs -fre, what you
boys doin?' and then the goat gave him an
other degree, and pa pulled off the towel and
got up and started for the stairs, and so did
the goat, and ma was at the bottom of the
staets listening, and when looked over the
banisters pa and ma and the goat were all in
heap, and pa was yelling murder, and ma
batting and sneezing and bunting, and
the hired girl came into the hall
and the goat took after her and she
crossed herself just as the goat struck her and
said, 'Howly mother, protect mel and went
down stairs the way we boys slide down hill,
with both hands ON herself, and the goat rared
up and blatted, and pa and ma went into their
room and shut the door, and then my chum
and me opened the front door and drove the
goat out The minister, who comes to see ma
every three times week, was just ringing the
bell, and the goat thought he wanted to be
Insulated too, and gave him one, for luck, and
then went down the sidewalk, batting and
sneezing, and the minister came into the par
lor and said he was stabbed, and then pa came
out of his room with his suspenders hanging
down, and he didn't know the minister was
there, and he said cuss words, and ma cried
and told pa he would 60 to hell sure, and pa
said he didn't care, he would kill that kussid
goat afore he went, and told pa the minister
was in the parlor, and he and ma went down
and said the weather was propiteous for .
revival, and it seemed as though an outpour-
ing of the spirit was about to be vouchsafed
to His people, and none of them sot down but
ma, cause the goat didn't hit her, and while
they was talking religion, with their mouths,
and kussin' the goat inwardly, my chum and
me adjourned the lodge, and went and
stayed with him all night, and hain't been
home since. But 1 don't believe pa will lick
me, cause he said he would not hold US
responsible for the consequences. He ordered
the goat himself, and we filled the order, don't
you see? Well, guess will go and sneak in
the back way and find out from the hired girl
how the land lays. She won't go back on me,
cause the goat was not loaded for hired girls.
She just happened to get in at the wrong
time. Good bye, sir. Remember and give
your goat kyan pepper in your lodge"
The boy went away and skipped over the
back fence