Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1882-05-06

Our Continent.

"Who is that sad-looking man
whom / saw sitting In the next
room, as / came through ?" said
Mr.. Jones to the managing editor.
"That? that is Lawson, our sub
stitute editor"
"What is a-what are the func-
tions of that kind Of an editor ?p
"Why, you know, we employ
Lawson to shoulder disagreeable
circumstances of all kinds. When
we go for anybody until outraged
nature can no longer stand it, the
injured man calls and we show him
in and let him kick Lawson"
''But don't exactly understand
how"
"Why, you see, the man comes
here and asks to see the managing
editor. The boy at the door knows
from the fire in his eye, what he
wants, and he turns him into Law
sons room. There is brief scrim-
mage and in about quarter of an
hour Lawson saunterS in here with
handkerchief TO his nose to say
that his salary must be raised. He
is useful man. By concentrating
all the storms on him, the regular
staff is allowed to have perfect peace
and security. He is cowhided once
or twice week, and knocked down
even oftener. We have the floor in
there padded on purpose to make it
as comfortable as possible. lie does
not mind an ordinary fiOgging so
much but the man has strange
Discrimination to be shot ut, possibly
because he has three bullets in his
legs and II twO-ounce slug encysted
somewhere in his interior depart
ment.
"But Lawson don't mind his Or
binary duties as much as you think.
We turn all the bOres upon him.
lie commands a large salary be-
cause he is deaf as post, and
bore who would set me crazy
leaves him in a condition of unruf-
fled calmneSs. All the poets who
come here are sent to his room.
One of them'll sit there and read
10 Lawson a poem of fOrty-twO
stanzas, and LawsCn'll sit there
smiling blandly, justly as If he
heard it all, ana then he'll cOmpli-
ment the writer and bow him and
his manuscript out with charming
grace and ease. He makes mistakes
sometimes, to be sure. The other
day q man read him a speech which
the Inan to pay for inserting in the
paper. Lawson thought it was
poem, and he told the man, in the
usual formula, that he was sorry
our advertising was pressing us so
lust now that we couldn't Obiige
him, and the man went up the
street and published it in the Her
aid. A dead loss to us of about for
ty dollars but Lawson Is too Valu-
able to be discharged tor a single
biunder like that.
whenever there's an excursion
on a dangerous part of new rail
road, or trial trip of a steamboat
that we are doubtful about, we al
ways send Lawson 10 represent the
staff. lie has been blown up twice
on the river and has been dropped
eight times through defective
trestle bridge, besides participating
in Il couple of boiler explosions. He
receives all the champion cabbages,
gigantic turnips and remarkable
eggs that are sent here by Subscrib-
eTs for notice, and he tests all the
giant cucumbers and early water
melons that come in. We could
hardly run this Office safely if we
didn't have Lawson"
"He struck me as looking rather
lowspirited."
$50 he is. He has naturally
strong constitution but he is grad
ually breaking down under the
strain, l am afraid, and is going to
die early. 1t weighs~o his mind.
He had terrific fight with an in
dignant politician last summer, just
after he had tested basket OF IA
Their unripe cantalOupes, and l have
noticed that he has been somewhat
gloomy ever since"
Just then the subdued noise of an
alteration was heard in the adj
Joining room there was a pistol
Shot and a bullet came whizzing
through the partition passing close
to Mr.. JOneS's head.
whats that?" asked Jones.
"Lawson's having russell with
McIlvaine, the Democratic candi-
date for Common Council. We cut
McIlvaine up in to-day'S issue. l
thought he'd call. Boy 70 eXclaim-
ed the editor, run for a police
mann'
Then the sounds died away and
ten minutes later, when Mr.. Jones
went out, he saw the policeman and
two other men carrying Lawson to
the hospital on stretcher, where
upon the managing editor said:
HWpfll have To let uD on MciI-
vaine for day or two till Lawson
has time to recuperate."