davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
Detroit Ignorance.

The proprietor of Woodward Avenue store.
which had been finely decorated in honor of the
knights Of Pythias, was at his door yesterday,
when an old man lOunged up and began:
"Such Ignorance l never saw in all nv life
You see that man there-the one with the white
hat ont"
"Yes."
We'll, he was having good deal to saw, and
asked him who Pythias was. Would you be-
lieye it, he couldn't answer mefr
"C-couldn't he ~ stammered the citizen.
mo, sir, he couldn't. Think of such irno-
rance in this enlightened age. When / told
him who Pythias was, he called me liar. Now,
want to prove that I'm right You come over
and tell HIM all about it,"
But II can't leave"
Then I'll bring him over here
mo, you neednt-Fm busy"
81 see you are, but when a man calls me a
liar wnnt to prove that amt I'll hay. him
over in a minuten
He hadn't crossed the street before the mer-
chant slid into the store, and hurried nm stairs
to keep out Of sight foran hour, and it was only
after he was certain that the old man had de-
parted that he slipped down and consulted Web
sters dictionary to find out whether Pythias
was town, or temple on a hill-Free Press,
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
Who Killed MORGAN

The recent move TO raise a monument in mem.
DRY OF Free Mason Morgan has called up anew
the question: "WhO killed Morganf" An old
citizen of Detroit was on his way down town
yesterday. when he met an acqnaintance and
seized the moment TO inquire:
81 suppose you know they are going to erect
monument to MOrganT
80, yes.D
"A very mysterious deathr
$50 it was"
Generally believed that the Free Masons
killed him ?"
Eyes, some folks believe it,"
selfF, ''"'
eyes"
"Then yOu must know n
''Well suppose do"
Then, sir, demand TO know who killed Nor.
GAM
''Yon don't want TO know to-day, do youY
Yes, sir-right OFF,
The Mason beckOned the old man around the
corner, looked all around TO see that no one was
near, and then whispered in his ear:
You won't give it awayT
''On your solemn words"
"Now
Then I'll tell you'll killed him myselfr
sir! you are an internal liarp roared the
old man. ''ies, sir, you lie, sir, and won't
have anything more to do with youp
Ii may never he known who killed Morpau.
II people won't believe the murderer, how are
the facts ever to come outf-Free Press
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
Preparing Skeleton Leaves.

A correspondent of Knorledge gives these di-
rections for preparing skeleton leaves: Take a
large basin Of cold water, and piece of soap four
inches square, cut in small slices. Gather leaves.
seed-vessels, ETC.; put some soap into the water,
then layerofleaves, then more soap, then leaves
and so on. Put on lid, set by the fire, and let
it simmer. In an hour take out few leaves,
try them between the Thumb and finger; ifthe
pulp separates readily from the fibre, take them
from the fire; if not, let it remain Some leaves,
such as ivy, and orange, are done in an hour
tougher ones take half day. Seed vessels of
mallow or campanula take short time. Large
poppy or stramOnium require two days Now
lay leaf on plate, under tap of running
water, and beat it with hard brush-say a
tooth brush; the green matter will run off with
the water. When the skeleton is quite clean
dry it upon plotting paper.
10 bleach specimens, pnt quarter of pound
of chloride of lime into a large bottle of water
cork aud let it stand some days. Strain it and
mix with more water in the basin; immerse the
leaves, etc. Watch and remove them them as
soon as they are white lime renders them brittle
and rotten. impure water, and dry as before
As The stems come away themselves it is well to
boil some stalks separately; after bleaching mount
the leaves by cumming them to the stems
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
Onr Strap Book.
BLooMrIELD,s ExpKR1nEnT.
BIT A. T. wogDkx.

ParsOn Bloomhelds soul narrowed by the he
By la,seonv.ried drunkar who bad taken up reform;
And the burned with envy at the converts that he
made
By telling hi. experience could take town by storm
Bot the Parsen throush hi. wespent life, had never
His youth manhood never knew the nature Of spree
sor yet the taste of ~hisksy wine or sleepeompeng
So in our modern Temperance work he had no chance
you
He envieI Goughs recitsls Of his plea. j.borees
And Francis Murphys bloody tales that made the crowd
He watched Kent Mason weeping TIL the dampBe.s made
And then he his temperate life had made hi. lectures
fail
Hoy could be Of the mJams blood poison wisely spe.k
Or stories tell Of early days when he called tough
About APPETITE and habit he could vhsre he weak
So he got jug Of whskey just to try the pesky stuff
Then with secrecy conveyed to his on the third
Where alone and unmolested, al its workings he could
Threw the doOrkey ont of window after locking fast the
Then with honesty Of purpose in for a trial spree
Soon the Parsons peaceful nsiehbO passing down the
Stopped wonder at hi. doorway with their iuteres,
For they beard bAcehanaan rOard in 'n.tehes far
Mingled with sound of dancing in heavy dOubleelog
nile they gszed IN CONSIDERATION scarcely knowing what
to think.
The devils got the Parsou said deacon, with nod;
Then The PArson raised window, danced nOneus the
Then. shopping like an Indian, el.mbered down the
lightning rod.
To say the neighbOrs scattered would be oOng words
away;
They few in all directions with such unanirni;y
That the Parson occupied the town. with say him
nay,
And up both the street to carry on hi. spree
he broke wndovs killed dog and stole an overcoat
Crawled over piles Of ashes and eellded with drsy
Got two black from rowdes whom he tackled BY the
throat
And kissed Irish cook he caught too ia, to get away
They him in along towards night the wonder of the
town,
His sPectaees smashed his nose coat split up the
bark.
His hat pulled down below his cara and mimi. Of it's crown
With maps of Egypt his face the Of black
What TO tell them that his spree experiment
Designed TO set his temperance work with startling facts
ablazei
The Justice wnked and touched his nose with thumb and
finger bent
And with smile of pity, him up for thirty days
Which makes moraize that set too much store per
haps,
On modern Temperance lectures given by some pimpIed
And put premium upon crime, and slight these quiet
. chaps
Who murdered families and mourn because they've
not
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
A Government Skillet.

Look heah, ledge" said a cOlored man, ell
tering the private Office of the United States
Judge, 81 wants q pension
81 have nothing TO do with pensions"
but yon can gin me little advice All de
soldiers what was wounded in de war eff nm
derstands it, is titled to a pension"
''Welli" said the Judge
II was IN de war, an was mighty badly hurt,
let me tell yer. l was waitin' on INV younp
marster, and didn't do ter suit him, an he broke
my arm wild skillet
waiting on your goung master, goa sayf"
"ies, sab"
(which army were yon in p
ode rebel army, sahr
why, don't you know that the United States
don't grant pensions to men wounded in the
rebel army pr
Yes, ! know dat is de rule but dis is a 'cep-
tonal case" -
"Why ~
Case de skillet what my Young master broke
my arm wild belonged TO de Newnited State,
GubeTment. Can't git no money, YER saw
canti Den dar's no wonder dat de country is
hiied w'd calamities. GoOd-day, sah."-4irkan-
sds 7rdreiieT.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
Fun With a peaf and Dumb Man

Quietly entering barber shop, the stranger.
removing his hat and coat and taking a card
from his pocket, wrote ON il
81 want to be shaved"
barber stepped forward, read the card, and
pointing to chair, said to his brother artists :
deaf as brass kettle and dumb as an oys-
ter"
The man Strengthened himself ont in the
chair, when his manipulation began lstbering his
face.
This deaf cuss hasa cheek like a stone wall. -
he said, when a general laughter followed.
"Stick pin in him and see il he is entirely
dumb said another.
The victim remaining undisturbed, the follow
ing shots were fired at him by the delighted
tonsOrial artists:
"He needs shampoo; his head is dirtier than
a cesspool."
''shaye him with stool leg; don't spoil your
razor on that stubble"
"Graeious what breath, 1t smells like a
Dutch band Of music"
HE ought TO rent that nose for a locomotive
headlight, etc.
While all these complimentary illusions were
flying about him, the operation of shaving was
finished, and the man arose, put on his coat,
and then turning TO the astOnished barber said:
How much for the shave and compliments ~
'I-I-I-l," gasped the astOnished man.
''oh, nothing-nOthing, call again, excuse"
and, as the stranger left the shop, the discom-
feited BARRIERS swOre they would never believe
IN deaf and dumb man again until they had
hrst fired ten-pound cannon about his ears
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

SAVING CARRIAGES TILL SPRISG.-we know o.
no better way to preserve cabbages through the
winter, says the GernaHtorR Telegraph, than
that which we have recommended for a number
Of years. 1t is to plant or set them up in rows
rs they grow-that Is, with the roots down-iill
with soil pretty freely, then make covering by
planting two posts where there is a fence to rest
on, or four where there is not, allowing for n
pitch to carry off the water; lay bean poles op-
poste the way of the pitch, and cover with corn
fodder, or straw, or boards. In using through
the winter. avoid as much as possible the sun
side and close up again. We have not found
that setting the cabbage upside down in the
rows, as many do, of any advantage, as we have
kept ours for more than twenty years in the
way we mention, in a sound, perfect condition,
through the winter into the spring and could
even up to the first of May, If desirable We
see other methods recommended, and they NAV
answer just as we'll, but as TO our own, we speak
from q long experience.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

MR.. MULDooN's CELLAR.-A citizen called re-
rently Mt the water registrars office, and intro
duced himself and his business by saving:
I'm Misther Jerry Muldoou. Nv cellar is
iuli oil water aud my hins will he drowned if il
isn't fixed; so | want Won to Exit
Mr. Muldoon was informed that nothing could
he done for him there. Two or three days later
he reappeared.
81 come again TO about that cellar said
he; ats worse than ever
But We told you the other day. Mr.. Nuldoop
that We can do nothing about it here.
les, but my cellar must he fixed, or my hins
will all be drowned"
well, Mr.. Muldoon, did you sec the Mayor
about the matterf-
''lndade and did," replied Mr.. MuIdoon.
And what did the Mayor say to itfv
"Mlsther Muldoon,' says he, "why don't Won
keep ducks i"-BOsioH JoErHaI
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
THE KANSAS OCTOBER.
By EUGENE y. wAKE

The cheeriness and charm
OF forest and of farm
Are merging into eolors sad and sober;
The hectic frondage drapes
The nut trees and the grapes-
September yields to opuleut October
The eottonvoods that fringe
The streamlets take the tinge-
Though opal haze the sumach bush Is bmuiag.
The lazy zephyrs lisp
Through eorn-fields dry and crisp
Their fond regrets for days no more returning
The farm dog leaves the house,
To flush the pinnate grouse;
The languid steers on blue-stem lawns are feoding
The evening twilight sees
The rising Pleiades
While Autumn suns are to the south reeeding.
To me there comes o thrill
OF gloompess or chill
As leaflets fade from branches elm or oakra.
As hfelessly they hang.
To me there comes no pang
To me no grief the falling leaves betoken-
As Summers floral gems
Bequeathed us withered stems,
And Autum- shattered reflects dry and lumber;
SO do these lives Of ours
Like Summer leaves and hOwers
Flourish apace, and in their rpeness slumher
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
Selett goetrp.
MOTHERS WAY.

OF within our little cottage.
As the shadows gently fall.
While the sunlight touches softly
One sweet face upon the wall
Do We gather close together,
And In hushed and tender tone.
AK each others full forgiveness
For the wrong that each has done.
should you wonder At this custom,
AT the endi4g Of the day,
Eye and voice would quickly answer.
IL was once our mothers Way
II our home be bright and eheery.
II 1t hold . welcome true.
Opening wide its door Of greeting
To the many-not the few;
II We share cur fathers bounty
With the needy, day by day.
lis because our hearts remember
This was once cur mothers way.
Sometimes, when our hearts grow weary,
Vi our task seems very long;
When our burdens look too heavy.
And we deem the right all wrong.
Then We gain q new. fresh courage,
As We rise to proudly say;
Let Us do our duty brayely.
This was our dear mothers way."
Thus we keep her memory preciouA
While we never cease to pray,
That NJ last, when lengthening shadcv.
Marx the evening Of LIES dAy
They may find US waiting calmly
10 60 home our mothers way.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
MEAsuREMrN1s or rHE GREAr LANES.

MEASUREMENTS OF THE GREAT LAkEs.-The
following measurements of the great lakes have
been taken by Government Surveyors- The
greatest length of Lake Superior is 335 miles !;
its greatest breadth is leo miles; mean Depth
6sS feet; elevation, s27 feet; area, 81 coo square
miles. The greatest length Of Lake Michigan is
300 miles; its greatest breadth, l0e miles mean
depth go feet; elevation, 500 feet; area, q 600
square miles The greatest length of Lake HUI
ron is 800 miles: its greatest BREADTH 60 miles ;
mean depth, coo feet; elevation. IA feet; area,
10000 square miles. The greatest length of
Lake Erie is 30 miles; it's greatest breadth is 80
miles; its mean depth is 81 feet; elevation, 261
feet; area, 1000 square miles. The greatest
length of Lake Ontario is ls0 miles; its greatest
breadth. IS miles; mean depth. 500 feet; eleva-
ton. 26I feet; area. {. 900 square miles.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
AUTUMN,


While not q leaf seems fsded-vhile IL zelda.
With ripening harvest prodigaily fan.
In brightest Sunshine hask-this rippise air.
sent from some distant clims where Winter vields
His icy scimitar. feretaste yields
OF bitter ehzngs-and bids the fowers bewars;
And whispers to the silent birds. Prepare
Against tho threatening for your tru<fesf shielda
Fer me, who under kindlier laws belong
10 natures tuneful choir this rusfiing dry
Through leaves yet green. and yon crystsftns sky.
Announce . season potent to renew
Md frost and snow the Instructive joys Of eng
And nobler cares than lisfless Summer knsu.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

PRESERVING AUTUMN LEAyEs.-A new way
of preserving autumn leaves is As follows: Iron
them fresh with warm mot hot) iron, on which
some spermaceti has been rubbed. This method
preserves their lovely tints, and gives a waxy
gloss which no other one secures. The process
is rapid and very agreeable, and no lady who
has ever tried the tedious experiment of pressing
will ever again resort to il after once trying this
new and better way
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

MERCHANT whose time for the past year has
been so taken mp that he has been unable TO re-
main at nome except at meal time, concluded
TO take vacation. A friend asked him where
he INTENDED to go, aud he said he thought he
would go home and get acquainted with his
family.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

A GENTLEMAN, whose custom was to entertain
very often circle of friends, observing that
one Of them was in the habit of eating some
thing before grace was asked, determined To
cure him. Upon repetition of the offence he
said, For what we about to receive, and
for what James Taylor has already received, the
Lord make us truly thankful
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

INVESTIGATIONS into the potato rot have
brought to light the fact that il is created by in
sects imperceptible TO the eye, but innumerable
in quantity, which lay their eggs in the stem
and send the virus down to the root. A little
black speck the size of a pin head, under the
microscope turns ont to be full two hundred fr-
rocious animals Of the beetle fern and shape A
remedy is said to have been discovered
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

The ALMANAC IN GRoRGIA.-The other dav
young white boy passed by a colored gentle
mans cabin and saw Uncle Nose sitting in tbe
doorway looking at an almanac "what are
you doing, old mani' ''Fm looking to see what
time O. day il is, but some oh dem little niyyahs
done tore de leaves ont"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

An smenteur farmer being asked why he con-
tinued TO raise a kind of potatoes veIl-knowu
worthless, replied that he knew that they were
not fit to be eaten or fed to stock, but that he
liked TO raise them because they yielded so well
and were such good potatoes for seed.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

"Bofs, boys said uncle Bill to his waywarl
progeny, you'll be the death o. me dom,
know what to do; I've talked to We, I've scold.
cd at We, I've whipped We, Eve sworn at We. and
I've prayed for We Thousand times, and all on
it don't do one bit O. good, duru yer
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

How To MAKE DELAWARE BIsCUIr.-The dis
cusson on the art of making Delaware biscuits
promises to bear good fruit. The following re-
cpes have been sent to this Office, and are pub
lished that all housewives may practically test
them: Take 10 cups of -four, cup of lard,
tablespoonful of salt, cups of water; heat anil
light and bake 20 minutes in a quick ovsn-Nrs
Mary f. Graham. Camden, Del. Two pounds Of
-four, pound of lard, 6ounees of water. 9 table
spoonfnls of salt; rub the lard and aour together
and put through a sieve; then sid the water and
salt and pound until it is white and smooth. and
the dough will crack when piece is pulled off;
bake 20 minutes in aaick oven.-Miss Annie
ID. Townsend, Camden, Del.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

BRONCHIAL TRoCHEs.-The following recipe
furnishes, the most elegant and efficient remedy
for coughs colds, bronchitis, hoarseness. etc,
that has ever been made in trOche form:
Take of best quality powdered cHbebs, iicorice
and gum arabic, each, one ounce. To these add,
of oil dnise, one dram; and oil cNbebs of dram;
rubbing them through the other ingredients.
Now add lbpowdered sugar and mix the whole
thoroughly; then moisten with Just enough irarm
water to make a stiff mass. Dust a smooth board
with a little powdered lcorce root so the mass
may be rolled ont with rolling pin, the same
as pie crust, and thick a half dollar; cut into
troehes about ! of an inch square, dust with a
little licorice root, and leave them to dry If
you have not used too much water they should
be hard in from 81 to Sc hours.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

A New JERSEY genius CLAIMS to have discoy.
cred a secret by which watermelous can he ken,
fresh for yeHr. This may be practicable, pro-
viding all the darkies within smell of the lus-
cions viands are securely chained mp every
night.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

CITRoN PRHsERvEs--Cut watermelons into
proper lengths. or shapes; scald in alum water;
then in weak ginger tea Make a syrup of white
sugar, pound and quart of sugar to a pound
Of frnit. Flavor with mace and stick cinnmon.
This is beautiful and delicious preserve
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

To CURE FELoS.-Take one Tablespoonful
Of red lead aud one Tablespoonful of CASTLE sosp:
mix them with as mnrh weak I've as will maEs
it soft enough to spread like sslye, and apply IL
on the FIRST appearance of the felon, and IL win
cure il in ten or twelve hours
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26
Apple Butter.

Pennsylvania is famous, among other things,
for apple butter, or ''strong apple sauce" as it
is called in New England. and a Pennsylvania
farmers wife tells the Germantown Telegraph
how she makes it, as follows:
Take thirty gallons of sweet cider, that Just
from the press to be preferred; boil it down to
one-third the quantity, and then add together
about two bushels of pared, quartered and cored
sweet apples, about One-third at time, Judging
as to the quantity Of apples; then stir he whole
mass constantly with long handled wooden
stirrer, reaching down to the bottom: this stirer
must be from four to five inches broad at the
bottom, rounded a little to tit the bottom of the
kettle. and have half dozen more half inch
holes bored through it, The mass must be kept
boiling and stirred until the whole is reduced to
say one half the original quantity Of cider, as
sumes dark color. and is perfectly smooth and
palatable. For this purpose samples should
from time To time he taken ont aud tasted. When
done it shonld he pnt in jars, well tied over
with paper, and placed in a cool place. Other
wise, it may ''wOrk, and lose great deal of its
yatn
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

DEADESISG SoUSDs.-The following plan for
deadening the floors is reported to have been
made the subject of a recent patent. Ii il ex-
ceedingly rimpl-, and not materially unlike
plans that have been before explained in this
Journal: A ) by inch plank is directed 10 he in,
serted between each joist. inches from the bot.
tom of the joists, and projecting inches beneath
them. The ceiling boards nailed To thes..
intermediate planks, and the space between is
filed with sawtlust To within one inch of the
joists By this mode of construction, the sound
is said to be so efectually deadened, that the
most vigorous hammering above cannot be heard
in the story beneath
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

THE general opinion of the medical profession
is against the prupriety of using eatarrh snHf as
productive Of more harm than good by irritating
the delicate mucous membranes of the air pass
ages; hut, the least objectionable is composed of
equal parts Of best POWDERED eHbebs and finely
PoHrdered snH arabic 1t is but slightly errhine,
decidedly tonic in effect upon the membranes,
and at the same time soothing and healing
Very many physicians have given this prepara-
tion their Recommendation, as operating admir-
ably; especially where there is obstruction of the
nasal fossse. Dose:-A pinch several times day.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

FIVE DRoPs of oil Of cub-bs upou a nice. of
losfsugar, dissolved gradually N the, mouth. wi
instantly relieve the most troublesome paroxysm
Of coughing, CT the irritation Of Bronchitis.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

A PoEM.-A baby came TO a family in Maine.
lat week, and bright. Swear old brother. pat,
ting it playfully under the chin, inquired :
"Say, how was God when yos left ~
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

WHEN a man kums to me for advice, find out
the kind advice he wants, and Civ il to him /;
this satisfys him that he aud are two NJ smart
men az tbare is living.-Josk Billings
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

An Illinois debater 'had 'emp when he aros,
and said: ''Yes, gentlemen, Waterloo was the
biggest kind of fight, but Washington whip
ned 'rn Ike a winkr
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

IT was q French woman who exclaimed, hold
ing up a glass of sparkling fresh water: sAh! if
it were ouly wicked to drink this, how nice it
would taste-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-26

PROFESSOR PROCTOR says that the water on
the eartli's surface is decreasing by about the
thickness of a sheet of paper each year.