davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A two foot-rule-Keep your feet
dry.-N. Y. Post.
Even a successful Arctic expedition
would be an ice-elated affair. Baltimore
E0ery Saturday.
"A spoon-holder-a chair occupied
by pair of clean gone lovers at twelve
o'clock at night.-IOledo american.
Twenty million false teeth were
made in Delaware alone last year
Please chew on that.-Detr06 Frte
Press
What relation is loaf of bread to
a steam-engine? Bread is a necessity
A steam-engine is an invention. Ne
cessity is the mother of invention: there
fore, a loaf of bread is mother to .
steam-engine.
An exchange prints an able article
on Hints and how to go to sleep" 1t
is the most convincing article we ever
read of upon the subject. We were
fast asleep before we had got half
through it.-Boston Transcript
A little girl once took letter from
her mother to an old lady friend. MANY
thanks, my child,' she said; ''you may
tell your mother that you are good child
and are faithful little messenger"
Thank you, ma am; and / shall tell her
too that didn't ask you for ten cents,
because mamma told me not to-
Personal: viii the young lady with
wart on her nose and diagonal slant
in her optics, who stepped on a gentle
mans corn as he was leaving the post
Office, please send her address to Shor
toes? To avoid mistakes, she will please
mention the flavor of her breath? p White
hall Times. ..sr .t.t".
Did you know that the days are
growing longerP OF course, they are
growing longer Just now. But what we
intend to say is that the full day OF
twenty-four hours, it is discovered by
science, is growing longer, not very fast,
perhaps, but so rapidly that after about
"a million of years the day will actually
be twenty-four hours and some three
minutes in length. Are you going to sit
up to see i'm. Y. EUening Post.
Jim Webster and Gabe Snodgrass
met on Galveston avenue. Jim was
dressed in the height of the style, and
upon cross-eXamination explained that
he had just been attending his brothers
wedding. "Who did he marry?" asked
Gabe. "A ooman," responded Jim,
"Well, reckon | knowed dat ar, as
matter of course 'Dar amt no mat
ter of course about it in our family re-
piled Jim, "for when my sister Matildy
got married | hope / may be shot if she
didn't marry man. Hits a fact and
I'll swear to it. Gdlvest0R Ne1cS.
. IL amt feeling very well to-day. My
head aches, my liveris outof order, I've
got the sciatica, my pulse is feeble, and
expect I'll die before night if don take
care of myself" ''And you won't 60
to the office to-day, deareSt?' tenderly
inquired his wife. "No," he answered
groaning, and looking very pale. I'm
so glad, deary. You can tend the chill,
dren, then, while l 60 shopping, anu
she skipped up stairs to put on her
things, with joyous, heart-easy laugh,
that only the true wife ever gives ven'
! Brooklyn Eagle.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

I'm China $150,000,000 are sner,
every year in ancestor-worship. "'
The Baptist church at Tewesbrr,
England, is one of the oldest of that ~
nomination in the world. 1t recentIr
held its 226th anniversary.
The faculty of the State Uniyersi,u
of Oregon have decided not to perm.
students to carry more than tbro.
studies at one time without special NO.
nit.
The West Presbyterian Church !,
Forty-Second street, New York. for
merly DR.. Hastings, not only caIlaa
Rev. MIR. Paxton, of Washington. to ba
their pastor, but put a $4,000 saIorv
among the inducements.
The venerable Enoch Pond II.
Gamaliel at whose feet in Bangor Sem
mary several generations of preacher,
have sat, is now ninety-iive wears Old
and says that he has not had headache
for the past siXty-six years.
DR.. Emilio Fuentes, hichlv on,
tured and influential ex-priest Of tbe
Roman Catholic church, in Mexico. has
been received into the Methodist church
He is in the prime of life, thirtv-eicbt
years of age, and clear, earnest and
influential preacher.
The pupils of Mr.. Gaucengiol
Brooklyn teacher, are in the habit Of
calling him "Gouge-and-giggle.m 4s
this interferes with the discipline and
his inability to keep order on account Of
his ridiculous name, he has lost several
places. He has got permission 10
change it to Giel.
"A Presbyterian church in DeA
Greek, w. T., has roll of 100 Spokane
Indians, and number of the Umatills
Indians, who are under the care of the
Catholics, have expressed desire to
have a Presbyterian organization on
their reserve. Nearly one-third of the
whole number of the Nez Perces In.
dians are church members, BELONGING
to churches located in Kamaiah ana
Lapuai, in the Presbytery of Idaho.
One of the most encouraging eyi-
dences of educational progress in this
country is the attention which school an.
thorities are beginning to give to the in.
telligent study of the English language
Under the system, which is now being
gradually changed, pupils were made to
commit to memory vast array of rules,
which served them not at all in speaking
and writing. Many have been the grad9,
ates of Normal schools incapable of writ.
ing commonplace letter correctly and
with ease.
Student writes: (Which is best. to-
sit up late at night and study when everv-
thing is still, or to rise early in the morn
ing. | can study best at night, but the
next day l am apt to feel tired and
weak" Undoubtedly the best time for
brain-workers is the early morning, and
when one has formed the habit of going
to bed early and rising early, he will find
that he can do better work, and with less
exhaustion, than when he works at night.
Might work" says the Lancet, during
student life and after years is the fruitful
cause of much unexplained, though by
no means inexplicable, suffering, for
which it is difficult, if not impossible, to
find remedy. Surely morning is the
time for work, when the whole body is
rested, the brain relieved from its ten
sion. and mind power at its best. IN
Y. Tribune. .....
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11
THE EMPTY PURSE.

What is this have tumbled down
From the top of my book-strewn shelves to
day?
It's crimson faded to dull red-brown,
Its edges garnished with cobwebs gray,
She was promised mine for better or worse,
Who knit for me this silken purse.
And when she gave it: "What is it worth,
This empty purseY' l said, with a laugh,
Hiding my joy in foolish mirth.
IAN old one full were better by half.
NAY, nay" and her rounded cheek grew red
''For my heart is in the purse she said.
And to-day, as / sit among my books,
AS sits in his den a drowsy bear,
And she passes my doorway with naughty
looks,
The wife of witless millionaire,
I'm inclined TO think that the truth she told,
And her heart was in purse-of gold.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11

ing, that made him think what very thread
bare, thin and comfortless overeoat he had on.
And seeing that he had worn it now for some
ten winters, and had originally procured II
secondhand. his reflections upon the subject
are not surprising. Anyhow, the following
morning, as he gazed from his window at the
undated inclemency of the weather. and
turned his eyes upon the dilapidated garment,
hanging from nail in his bedroom door, he
settled it definitely in his mind when he NUT
tered: That's what I'll do; I'll have coat
made a-purpose." So he went to tailor s,
and overhauled his entire stock OF piece goods
before he finally hit upon a cloth to his taste.
1t was heavy, closely, woven, waterproofed,
drab-colored texture, of the best quality SINH
lar to that worn by groOms in livery IN nrst-
class establishments. Then he gave minute
instructions as to the shape, the size, the pock-
cts, the buttons, all according to his own no.
lions of what a coat ought to be, without any
regard to the prevailing fashions" which
the tailor yainly sought to bring under his no.
tice.
When the coat was finished and sent home,
he took it back to have an inner lining stitched
in, because it was not warm enough; and after
ward he took it back again to get another lin
ing added, because the first was not strong
enough. I'm not a-going to pay for con-
Germ that'll wear out in a month"; he ex-
planned.
BY this time, the tailor and his iourneymen
were thoroughly sick of that coat and dis
timely refused to make any further additions
or alterations whatever.
James Gelsworthy was extremely proud Of
this new item to his limited wardrobe, He
wore it on every possible opportunity. He
turned it to account by knocking off fires in
February, and keeping it on in the house, for
the sake OF its more economical warmth. He
used it as a second Counterpart thrown over
his bed at night This last fact was discov-
prp6 i'm March bv hic 1aO6ladu wi hav
ing seen anything of him fortwo days, became
alarmed on the third, and caused the door Of
his room to be burst open. They found him
lying upon his bed still and peaceful and cold,
with the favorite coat resting across his limbs
James Gelsworthy was dead.
Over the mantelshelf was bit Of paper, fas-
tened with pins and upon it few words writ
ten in shaky but legible hand: In case Of
my death, the furniture and other things be-
longing to me in my two rooms, | give to my
niece, Pattie Roper, ~ Cribble Street, Mile
End There amt no money, only just enough
to bury me. / drawed it all out and disposed
of it months ago. Signed by me, James Gels
worthy"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11
A Georgia Negroes Trained Dogs.

A night or two ago one of our most
prominent citizens was aroused by ter
ribfe futtering among the ducks out in
the yard. He had thirteen ducks in the
drove, and the unusual commotion at
such an hour in the night caused him to
get up and see what was the cause of the
disturbance. Imagine his CONSERVATION
when he found seven of his ducks lying
dead in the yard, and four others in the
hands of negro thief. There is not
much strange about this, but the manner
in which the theft was committed is the
singular part. The negro had two dogs
one a large white one. These dogs he
sent into the yard to catch the ducks,
which they did, and would then carry
them out into the street and give them
to the rascal. The dogs were seen each
with a duck, carrying them out to their
MASTER Columbus Enquirer.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11

The coat experienced few rapid and un-
eventful changes of ownership, after this, in
the way of being bartered and sold sin the
trade" Within week, IL became the prop
erty Of gentleman who never saw it, or even
knew of its existence. The gentleman had
servants and maid-servapts, owned horses and
carriages, used massive silver plate at his six
O'Clock dinner, and was treated with marked
respect by his bankers in Lombard Street He
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11

A saloon near Tombstone, Arizona,
was robbed of $3.50 the other evening.
just as the place was about to be closed
for the night, and while several citizens
were in the saloon, two men entered
with shot-guns. While one stood guard
at the door the guns were brought down,
and the order to "hold up hands" given
and the boss was told to open the safe
and be lively. The money was then
taken.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11
III.
The "furn ture and things" were a real god


The "furn ture and things" were real god
send to Mark and Pattie.
"I'll tell you what we'll do,'' said the hus-
band. "We'll sell the lot. I'll give over look
ing after odd jobs, and we'll get an assisted
passage to Melbourne. I've heard as how
there's heaps more chance fUr a poor man ii
Austrayn
"Im willing to go anywhere" answered
Pattie, $50 long as We can only manage to
stick together"
The real and personal estate of old Gels
worthy produced about twenty-five pounds in
cash-truly blessing to the extremely impe
cunious, as any one will know who ever had
the bad fortune to stand in urgent want of a
similar amount, and the good fortune to come
into it Unexpectedly just in the hour of need.
The last thing disposed Of was the heavy drab
Overc9lt, by private treaty with Mr.. Isaac
Solomons, dealer in anything.
"Well, what do you want for it.'' inquired
Mr. Solomons, after having turned it over sew
eral times and regarded it suspiciously as
though it were an infected garment
Suppose we say thirty bob!" suggested
Mark, tentatively.
''Ihere's no harm in saying thirty Guild, so
long as nobody parts with the coin. No, my
man; that there coat amt no use to me-it's
too ugly; and my customers is mostly fashion
able inclned.''
''But it's worth something. Look at the
quality"
equality What's quality nowadays! Moth
ing. It's cut that's wanted; and there amt no
cut about that there; not haporthn
What will you give! Gomez
"lf were to speculate fifteen bob on it |
should lose. Shtrike me should lose No;
'pon my honor, can't do it!''
well, fork over. It's no good to melt
don't fit
at amt much good to anybody, as l can
see,'' grumbled the jew. But for all that he
'forked over' the fifteen shilings Immediately:
and the coat became the property of Mr.. Solo
mons.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11

The father reclined in an armchair by the
hre, smoking too-highly seasoned brier-root
pipe. The daughter sat at small table by
the window, coloring photographs. The faith
er's face was of that shrunken, bloated type
frequently observable in drunkards when their
usual supply of alcohol has for some reason or
other been cut off. His eyes were heavy. ex-
pressioness and leaden; his lower lip was
pendulous; his chin was unshaven; his hands
were dirty. The daughter was graceful and
pretty. Her features were delicate her com
plexion pale; her expression sweet, sad and
patient. What did it matter to her gin-swill-
ing parent that she worked for him, tended his
wants, nursed him when he was ill, was robbed
by him when he was well-struggled, labored
fought to save him, both soul and body! Was
II not her dutYs He was her fatheri What
did 1t matter to him that her Young life was
wrecked, her future rendered hopeless, the one
love OF her girlhood crushed and blighted by
his miserable beings That was simple ne
cessity. He had brought her up to the idea to
hold him over and above all earthly considera.
lions. Was he not her fathers The man who
had won her whole heart was noble and
worthy; yet she would not marry him. The
home she might have made a smiling paradise
would never be formed. Well the sacrifice
was required. Somebody must reap the bene-
lit OF her existence; and was he not her
fathers
" That's wretehed ugly thing, that top
coat, he grumbled from his easy-chair.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11

"Buu it fits you. papa. tits nearly new. and.
above all, tits thoroughly warm and well made.
Those are the principal points, with your la
bility to rheumatism and gout.n
THAT'S right-tiing my misfortunes in nv
face! Remind meof my ill-health-of nv pain
and suffering. It's like you! Don't let me
forget them, not on any account
80 papaW
"There, don't begin to cry and whimper. l
suppose YOU mean well, and are q good oirl.
after all. Got any money, Madge.n
"Not much,'' she faltered, trembling.
al haven't had a drain worth speaking about
for more than week. You have kept me on
short allowapc elongenough, think. Wa do .
"But see how i'll you have been, papa. You
know the doctor said you were to drink scarcely
"Confound the doctor! What does he know
about it. Besides, Pm well again now--well
as ever l really must run out and get three
pen'orth. Lend US siXpence, Madge.v He
always said tlend." BY no chance did he ever
employ the word "give" in pecuniary nego-
tiations.
After many promises and much whining and
persuasion, he wormed the coveted sixpence
from his daughters slender purse. She knew
he had no other money, and that it would be
impossible for him to hurt himself on that
amount.
/ "I'n try this overcoat for the first time ), he
said, as he put it on. Eyes: you are right: it
is very comfortable and will las: me for ages
Pm not hard TO please in matters of Dress
'Do come back to tea, papa, were her part
ing words at the door. The weather is very
rough, and you are not yet strong enough to
stay out late. Do come back to teas
'Of course, of course! How far do YOU think
| can travel with sixpence-a paltry sixpence!'
he inquired, sarcastically
Between two and three O'Clock in the morn
ing, he staggered home drenched with rain,
and, alas intoxicated.
Madge was accustomed to the spectacle In
silence and without reproach she led him TO
his ROOM Suddenly she missed Ms/co&s IT
was the old story. He had paTned IL, She
asked him for the ticket, and found that it also
was sold for mere song. The coat she had
worked so hard to pay for!
The poor grief-stricken girl in the retire
ment Of her own room, threw herself by her
bedside and wept in angui'h to that other
Father who has promised how, one day, He
will surely wipe away all tea from the eyes Of
those that mourn.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11

If you had watched Mr. SOlomons transact
ing business in his own shop, YOU would have
wondered how, in the name of all the common
laws of finance, he cOntrived to keep clear of
the bankruptcy court. Continually to be sell
ing goods without profit is generally suppos-
ed to bring about very unsatisfactory results
But to part with them at an appalling loss-to
have them literally wrenched from YOU by a
greedy public, heartlessly taking advantage of
the perpetual slackness of trade-ought to cul-
inmate in disaster, speedy and complete. And
yet Mr.. Solomons was not submerged He con-
trived in some fashion to keep his head above
water. and his shoulders, too in spite of the
terrible sacrifices he solemnly professed to make
every hour of the day. Perhaps it was but a
grim joke, melancholy satire. when he tick
eted the coat acquired from Mark for fifteen
shillings as tremendous bargain-only two
pounds ten shillings."
Cost me three pounds-s'help me. If
never speak another word'' he exclaimed to
the pale and patient-faced young woman who
stopped to inspect it.
at would just fit father nicely she said,
more to herself than to the Jew. "And very
warm and comfortable; but rather funny
shape, isn't it!''
"Funny SHAPED Why, it's one of Poole's
latest styles, made expressly for a Markss.
who only wore it three times, and then got tired
of it."
''What is the lowest you will take!"
Lowest! Well, if I'll touch farden less
than two-ten; not If the Prince of Wales was
to go down on his Bonded knees Ten bob is
enough to drop over one article-rather
II am unable to spare more than two pounds {;
in fact, have no more with me- If you can
not accept that, must go without"
Lose pound lose whole pound! o,
shtrike me, | can't, l can't. What with one
and another of you, shall be driven to the
workhouse," cried Mr.. Solomons, pathetical-
ly.
''Well, then, good day. sir. must try and
| fnd something that viii do elsewhere
Don't go. Say two-tive-make it as light as
you can for me-say two-fve!'' he pleaded,
Selling her by the hem of her mantle.
impossible! l tell you / have only two
pounds
solomons groaned, as in anguish of spirit.
"Give us your money!' he said, desperately.
II must try to make it up some other way, /
suppose"
SO the young woman carried away her "tre-
mendous bargain.'
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11


The individual who bought the duplicate
from The drunken old mm, probably lost OF
forgot it altogether as tie coat remained I'm
disturbed In the store-rOm of Messrs. Bate &
Grindwell, pawnbrokers for over the statutory
twelve months. 1t thin became an ''unre-
deemed pledge y and assuch was labeled, hung
up, and danged before the public as remark
able proof of the manmr in which the disin-
terested vendors were prepared to forego all
personal profit for thegeneral veal The coat
was fingered and thupbed and twitched, and
tried on, and turned over by some dozens OF
persons before one Slortmiles, a cabman, took
a fancy to it and eventually became its owner
And now it began tosee service. He wore il
hard, did ShOrtmiles What with snow, and
rain, and FROST and sunshine, its original color
grew many shades leeper. Beer stained it,
tobacco smoke imregnated it, cold pork
creased it, 1t saw great deal of out door
life in London, and acquired an impudent, reck-
less appearance. rs big bone buttons seemed
to stare in awful astonishment at those mean
persons who presumed to offer its master less
than double his legal fare. When Shortmiles
tossed a coin in the palm of his hand, and in
CURED of a victim: What DIVER call this
What's this for!" the big bone buttons seemed
ready to burst from their places with surprise
Indignation and reproach. The victim could
imagine them saying; GAY, what do yer call it
What is it fors That's what we want to know.
Iah-shabby!'
1t happened one day that Shortmiles, feeling
himself insulted by the remarks of rival cab
man anent the symmetry and attractiveness
of his features individually and collectively
including a definite opinion respecting the
lowest market value of his face if put up to
auction by Il cheap Jack in the neighborhood
Of the New Cut, leaped from his vehicle and
challenged his tormentor to personal combat
The gauntlet was at once picked up and the
battle began.
How furiously it raged-how women
screamed, Shame! why don't you part
'eml' and men replied; "Get out whylon't
you leave 'em alone ."-how a statelypolice
man, with slow and measured step, approached
the scene, forced his way through the crowd
and said: Now then. stop this ERE; show us
your badges both on yer''--how the two com
batants We're summoned before the magistrate
and tined-and how they ultimately shook
hands and swore eternal friendship-are not
all these things matters of trifing concern
in comparison with the following facti When
Shortmiles was preparing for the duel he took
off his coat, folded it carefully, and placed il
under the boX-seat of his cab. OF this he was
certain. After the struggle, when he returned
to his post the coat was gone. OF this he was
also positive, and he never set his eyes on il
again.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-03-11

suppose it was the keen northeaster and
the driving sleet, in the teeth OF which James
Gelsworthy had to fight his way home that even