Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-05-25
SGUIBS.

led from an ancient Roman freize?
1t was cold day when Charles Fran
els Adams got left.
A boy says in his composition that
Onions are the vegetable that makes
you sick if you don't eat them your
self"
Prisoner, what is your age?"
"Come, Judge, no fooling. You know
it as well as | do. Five years more'a
LIST time.
The meanest man on record sent
through postoffice presided over by
woman, postal-card on which was
written: "Dear Jack: Hears the de-
tails of that scandal" And then the
rest was in Greek.
Loaded to the muzzle: "What is
this man charged WITH" asked the
judge. with whisky, yer honor" re-
piled the sententious policeman.
An Oregon man fell on the icy walk
and broke his nose, and when he came
to sue for damage the jury held that
his looks had been improved 80 per
cent. He therefore got nothing.
An enterprising Benpalee gentle
man, in the prospectus of a new Anglo
Native journal, announces that his
paper will be "loyal to the Backbone,
to the Crown, and to the Constitu-
ton"
Says one AIRY to another Arg:
81 say, Old man, the papers say they
'ope 1882 will be the openin' of a new
"Openin' of a new carer? Why,
telephone, of course, you Jugginsl" p
Punch.
When Secretary Folger "calls" for
$3O,0O0,000. he must hold a pretty
flush hand" (The foregoing reached
this office on a postal card, and it is all
Greek to us. 1t is probably quota
ton from work on finance
Lord Y, whose popularity was not
excessive in a certain Scotch town,
having refused an importunate beggar,
she renewed her application: "Now,
my Lord, if ye'd just gi me ane little
sex pence, | could treat every friend
we have in the tOon."
Champion Philanthropist-Mr Brown
wants to punish the liquor-drinker as
well as the liquor-sellcr. Fogg says he
will 60 step beyond Mr.. Brown. He
wants the liquor itself punished, and
he is willing to punish all he can get
of it.
The fierce outbursts against the
overbearing and domineering and OPP
prassive negro, remind us forcibly of
the exclamation of the outraged in
dividual who, being caught in the act
of Staying sheep, cried out indig-
nantly: "H-ll! do you suppose | am
going to let an internal sheep bite
lhe?"
A prominent physician says that if
mothers did not take up the senseless
prattle of babies and hurl it back to
them under the plea that i. is "baby
talk" children would learn sooner
how to talk plainly. They repeat the
tumble of syllables that they first
hear. That's the idea Instead of say.
ing of soapy water, ~ doesn't fink it
tastes dood," you can just as well have
Mr.. Two-year-old observe" The taste of
soap combined with aqueous fluid is
not agreeable to me-"
Very few prettier girls have l ever
seen than one who sat near me an
evening not long ago at the table
dhote at the Continental, Philadelphia.
The loveliest of auburn hair, beautiful
features, smallest of mouths, and pref
test of teeth-all combined to make
her exceedingly attractive. Turning
to queer-l looking little old lady at her
side, she suddenly exclaimed: "Oh,
ma amt them mince pies beastly?f
The topic of suicide was under dis
cussion the other evening in mixed
company over in tho City of Churches,
and when every one had had his or
her say, young lady solemnly con-
cluded and summed up the inter
change of opinions as follows: Eyes,
/ know it's immoral, and wicked, and
everything; but none of you seemed to
have looked at it quite in the right
light. Committing suicide is like-like
going to party without an invitation ~
An omission: "Now," said the Aus
tin justice to the witness, "you will
please tell precisely how it happened"
Eyes, sir; I'll try. The prisoner and
the man was eating dinner at the same
table and they got to quarreling, when
the prisoner just up with dab of Irish
mashed potatoes and hit the other man
on the head with it." 500 you, sir"
said the justice, sternly, "pretend to
tell the court that dab of mashed po-
tatoes, even when thrown with the
greatest violence, can make cash five
inches long on mans head and knock
linn senseless? If you trihe with the
court you will be locked up" Judge,
| reckon forgot to say that when the
prisoner threw the dab of mashed po-
tatoes at the man he forgot to first
take the dab out OF the dish."