Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-09-12
The Best Sewing Machine.

There was Hubbard. He drove up to the
door, unloaded sewing machine, and said
if we wanted machine which would do all
kinds of work, run easily, hem, tuck, rufhe,
gather, and be a thing of joy forever and
forty days more, we shouldn't fail to buy the
Lightning Singer" bought it, and when
after a week, he wanted certificate, I
cheerfully wrote one:
''This is to certify that l have had
lightning Singer in my house for some
time past, and wouldn't be without it for
twice its cost. 1t hadn't been in my house
half a day before my son recovered from the
whooping-cough, and my wife found ten
dollar bill on the sidewalk l think it. the
best machine ever made-I can't bear to 20
to bed and leave it, s'.ss7e,---s
He said he was ever so many times
obliged, and he hadn't got out of sight be-
fore Kilroy drove up with the Thunder &
Blazes'' machine. He began to snuff at the
other machine said we'd been terribly
humbugged, and that his machine was the
only frst-class machine in the market.
My wife began to cry, and he soothed her
by offering to trade his machine for the
other, which he could sell for old iron, and
$50 to boot. We made the trade He said
the Thunder & Blazes" would make any
kind of a stitch. sew any kind of fabric, and
outrun anything but locomotive. He came
around the next week with certificate ell
written out, and I signed it:
"This is to certify that l have gained ten
pounds of flesh per day since purchasing
your machine, and that my wife hadn' I run
it half an hour when her uncle died and left
her two hundred thousand dollars. Not one
of the children has had cold since the day
the Thunder & Blazes' came through the
gate. 1t plays easily, the strings are not
liable to snap, the stops are easy to manage;
and it is the only machine in the world
which can be operated by a red-headed
woman with cork leg can stay out un-
til eleven O'Clock at night now, and my wife
hasn't a word to say. Formerly she used
up four rolling-pins, costing two shillings
each, per week"
Then McManus came. | told him that
[ had the best machine in the market, and
he asked to look at it. He hadn't fairly got
his eyes on the Thunder & Blazes'' before
he commenced to laugh.
''Ho-ho-ho !" he shouted, as he dropped
on chair-''it will kill me-did you ever
oh ho-ho -
L sternly asked the cause of his hilarity,
and he replied that kilroy had swindled US
taken Us in-cheated US stone blind. The
Thunder & Blazes'' wasn't worth a dunn,
he said-was an old machine invented by a
blind man and patented by fool vs..
My wife began to weep.
"But," said McNianus, "there was his
machine, the Chained Earthquake 1t was
the machine, and all others were base imita-
tons. We might try it, and if we didn't
like it he would cut his throat with brick
saw. We tried it, and when he came with
his certificate l signed it: =
This Is to certify that your sewing ma
chine has saved me ten per cent in fuel and
twenty per cent. in hay and corn since we
purchased it. / licked an alderman. pulled
schoolmaster's nose, and kicked member
of the legislature the second day after we
got the machine, and we hadn't owned il a
week when | found where I could get
trusted for meat and wood, and discovered a
-four shed unlocked. 1t will sew anv thing.
from leg of mutton to New Hampshire
mountain. There hasn't been a cloudy dav
since the machine first started, and the
moon now rises two hours earlier and lasts
all night. No one should be without it,
He took the certificate with triumphant
smile, and
| But | must leave off here. Farnsworth
has just called with The Fiye-Jeweled
Duplex High Low" machine-the only lead
ing machine in market, and he Is telling nv
wife how we got swindled BY McManus.
IT was an astute mail clerk who