The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-05-14


ties. mental and physical. in most pecu-
liar and Undesirable state for some hours.
But Che physical results. though severe and
horrible to look back upon, were compare
lively trifling when the moral and. mental
results are considered. The whole aspect
of everything became strangely and com
pletely turned about. When in the con-
dition above alluded to, after the narcotic
effect had evanesced, the Whole life WAS, as
far as physical motions and the instincts
are concerned, mechanical, and the mind
full of the vaguest and most unreal fancies
and imaginations. Real worries and
troubles, however slight, became terrific in
their awfulness, and anticipations were
imaginations seemed TO pierce years
into the future, and colossal sue
cesses or failures imaginary would
either cause rush of warm feeling and JOY
which would even cause speech to be ut
tered and fastening of the gait, or a des-
pondency impossible to realize While in
the abnormal state alluded to the most un-
accountable things would be said, done and
thought of. Everything seemed ones own
particular right complete inability to
draw distinctions between truth and false
hood, the real and those ideals which be-
come realities, right and wrong, a loss of
the knowledge of time and distance; in fact
to a very great extent, the power of distin-
gushing or discriminating, tendency,
quite uncomfortable, TO put off things (pro-
erastination in most exaggerated form
and degree), my memory for names, faces
and events of daily life, which was, when
in my normal condition usually good. al
most annulled In all, an absolute dena-
turing, demoralizing dementalizing result,
and withal firm conviction that in a few
days l should discontinue the habit; but
the day never could Come. The greatest
cunning in concealing the instruments and
solution, and the purchase thereof, and
when used, as rule one or two injections
after going to bed, then an hour or two's
sleep, then awake to that peculiar condi
ton have endeavored to describe, either
to get up and wander aimlessly, almost un-
consciously, sometimes about the house,
sometimes in the streets-those image
fancies always more real at night. In
New York would rise at any hour of the
night or early morning and imagine all
sorts of extraordinary things cannot now
fully recall in detail, especially when Pres
,1a,f GarfsaJJ I:aI and Sfo,,..al OF a,, all
night eating house for slight refreshment,
ice cream or the like, and then return to
my room, or else I would read, and always
some highly exciting story which became
at once reality to me, and then exhausted,
when nearly time for rising, would sink to
uneasy sleep, fully believing was to car
ry on myself the events of the narrative.
When l awoke, generally another injec-
ton, slight one, in the morning, and
then one soon before getting up, (Which I
always did very late when alone), would
produce twenty or thirty minutes half I'M
consciousness, and then rising, would
continue the remainder of the day
and evening in the state of mental
absence and physical presence have men,
toned. When alone land always sought
solitude for the greater part of the
time, the presence of others in a measure
interfering with the portentious and vast
work the diseased brain was doing took
neither breakfast nor lunch; but the only
meal in the twenty four hours was late
dinner with very little wine or beer.
Whether all this was the result of morphia
on a brain always easily disturbed (deliri-
UNI in the slightest illness, &C. from early
years, or the brain effects of atropia, the
effect of which was f:lly and often pain
fully conscious of in the dryness of throat,
rendering swallowing almost Impossible,
and great impairment of sight from the
dictated pupils or the combination of all, /
cannot say. know these vague general
outlines of the past are the results of some
thing, and I can dimly distinguish certain
acts and doings; but there were many
things did and said which were after
wards told me that knew and know moth
ing whatever to my own recollection. I
am firmly of the belief, vague, strange
sensations existing even now, that it might
be of some service to science were a scien-
tific and pathological post-mortem held
after my death. My relatives would prob