The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-07-09
JULY JOKES.

Insurance: A rich, Wanting and
somewhat brainless millionaire WAS
Recently Boosting in the presence OF
the Bishop of Peterborough that ne |
had given $4,000 regularly yearly TO |
the poor. THAT'S the largest lnsur-
snce against fire that I have ever
heard Of" remarked the witty cler-
ical.
Cheering: spinster landlady-
"Then you and your mamma wan 51S
the same rooms you had last YEAR,
eyes, Miss spriggins; only 1t ism
mamma who is with me, but my
husband. I have got married since
Isst wear" 8, L.-"Lor, now, have
von /? I'm glad to hear it. Yet, after
ali don't know why l should be
Glad: YOU never did me any harm'
moor desrl"-LOnd0n Fun.
| Monticello: A young gentleman
was in theSun Office yesterdayWannng
toSknow the definition OF the WORD
"Mnn.icelIo". We couldn't enlighten
him "He eaid he knew that
"Mont' meant mount. but ne could
not make out ''oello." We referred
him to "Webster's Unabridged:
He failed to find cello, but thought
nv looking up violin cello he might
oct soma light on the eubleot. he
found that it meant violin an
octave lower than a tenor violin.
"Eureka!" he exclaimed, l nave
found it: 'Mont'-mount, cello
an octave lower; consequently
GMonticello'-s mountain an octave
lower than an ordinary mountain "
Fact. HartsreU (Ga.) Sun.
! Having a good time: swell, I've
had a good time. and l expect to pay
for it.S remarked a young farmer as
he was brought before the bar oil the
ogntr i station yesterday morning
He was at once tackled by q reporter
to find out what he considered gooG
time. and here it is: DE WSlKeo
eight miles Saturday evening to reach
the CITY, He drank five glasses o.
beer. saw two fights, had little
scrimmage himself, played three
games of cards, drank two Whlskiesl
played pool for half an hour, los
fifty cents on a bet that he coulc
lump eight feet, was rolled In tn'
mud. lost q 81 bill, and when .tht
pol;ce found him he was sleeelng OF
bis drunk on mass OF garbage IN al
elIey. do you cal that gooC
. time2' uueried the reporter alter to-
" prisoner had paid mis- fine OF 50
"You betI Why, never had go much
fun in my lite! The only drawback
was in forgetting to bring along my
fighting dog and rovolver!-Detr0'
Free Press.
+ Business is business: When tn,
8 bows of Poker Valley. New, sent on
+ of the boys up into Nebraska to INT
and hire a preacher he had his IN
8 struction and he asked: "Osn yo'
. give sinners right from tn
& shoulder?" TIE clergyman modest.
. replied that ne thought he could
!. "And DO you play fair game c
s seven-up7" Mercy, mol" He wa
. Mortified at the thought. well,
. didn't know" replied the delegate
. "The boys said as how il you pisye
poker or seven.up or wanted to run
sweat-bosrd the salary would be onl
u $500, but if you was one OF the Sol
81 who squared of at salvation and pa
q c!sim in heaven all stsked of and
shaft going down they'd make it $50
and throw in the rent OF cabin. Ii
a matter of business wit US, you se
We are bound to get hold O. son
one who can outhowl and outpreaC
s. that fellow al Davis Hill If we hs'
81 to 90 up to 81, 900 year and turnl'
. him mule and bar'l Of whisky
: = WaU Street Nelos.