The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-03-30
sPooPENDYKE OBJECTS.

''Ssy, my dear" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, rs
he dashed into room and fell in char, did
yon know that that section of n stovepipe, with
handy legs aud a Presbyterian steeple nose had
publish ed a book ab0ut you and me. -
No" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You
don't tell me, Is it anything like Napoleon Bo-
naparte crnssing the Alpsi'
mo, it amt like Napoleon Bonaparte crossing
the Alpsl.' snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. ..And it
amt anything like Julius Hannibal crossing the
Hellespout, Nor it amt anything about Queen
Victoria, It's abOut you and Inc, / tell You, It's
all abont our private life, and the idiot always
represents me going to bed mad,'
81 don't think there's anything in our private
life TO he ashamed Of" said Mrs. Spoopepdyke;
"and as to your going to bed mad, you generally
do. don't you, dearT
''What if ! dor' howled Mr.. Spoopendyke
'sS'pose / went to bed on every news stand in
the country done up in cheap binding and bad
type? Think want posters out the fences
"Spoopendyke going To bed mad. in n paper, p
cents; Spoopendyke going TO bed mad, with ad-
ditions and preface by the author, price 50 cts;
Spoopendyke going TO bed mad, bound in cloth.
with bcyeled edges; children cry for it, and
doctors recommend il, price 81 r Got an idea
that want TO 20 10 bed mad in twenty -four edi-
lions, with a row with a news company, printers
bills unpaid, and a paper manufacturer howlihg
for his money! Wah-h-h-ht" yelled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke: ''Its book, l tell ynii Cut on the
edges, pasted on the outside, and reading mat
, ter all over. Know what book is. The only
difference between book and your month is,
that the book shuts up once in while, Who
/ gave him the facts e. and Mr.. Spoopendyke lean
ed back in his chair. and frothed at the mouth
''What dnrs the man say in his book!' asked
1 Mrs Spo"pendykc Ike.
He don't say anything, He don't get a
chance, Ion do all the talking. Ike you do at
/ home. o, you're great woman nov. It's Mrs.
Spoopendykr this, and Mrs. Spoopeudykc that,
and Mrs. Spoopendykc around the corner and
Mrs. Spnopendyke over the fence. Shakespeare's
nowhere. Yom are the leading literary character
of the day! Who gave him the facts. Who pl T.
weed the information! Who told him You were an
idiot that only needed wash bill and brother
in-law to be Il Guitcau trials'
81 don't quite know what you mean," faltered
Mrs SpOopendyke Il know about the Guiteau
trial, and hope Mr.. Porter will win 1t. But
don't know anything about being literary, and
as for Shakespeare, | think he is almost as ab-
struse the Board of Education"
''Wha; want to know is, who gave him the
facts'" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. '.Who gave
this ten cent author with five acre reputation
the factsi How'd he ever find ont that you
didn't know any more about housekeeping than
frog does about keeping bank account"
I'm sure don't know, dear" said Mrs Spoo-
pendyke, soothingly. Maybe he is only n news
paper man, who publishes facts first. and then
trusts to luck to find them out aiterward. What
does he saw about mef'
'Say about you." sguealed Mr.. Spoopendyk Ike.
ale doesn't say enough He only leaves the ini-
=
fair weather and low wages might make i'm
preston on your skall! Do You appreciate the
enormity of the situation, Do you reach out and
grasp, comprehensively, the unalterabe fact that
your market value is twenty -tve cents in paper,
and 81 in cloth! Can yOu absorb the idea that
in illustrating your red, white and blue virtues,
he dragged me into his book, as TO give char
arter to it
''Does he mention you, tOOf' exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, with an air of indignation.
Mr.. SpOopendyke rose to his feet. Slowly he
Invested himself of his clething, and slammed
the various articles on the floor, keeping his eye
fixed on his trembling wife.
'Mrs. Spoopendyke,' said he, he praneed
into bed, ''be kind enough to regard me As
cheap edition. The honor of cloth, with bcveled
edges, gold letters cover and III, maine spelled
wrong belongs to you. With that and your lit
erary attainments combined with your DISPOSE
ton to reflect discredit insane jackass. you
only reed YOUR corners turned down, andback
tore OFF, to be circulating library! With which
profound illustration of his contempt for the sit
nation. Mr.. Spoopendyke drew his pillow over
his head. and kicked vigorously.
II don't care" thought Mrs. Spoopendyke,
she ran gathering string through the neck of
the baby's new wrapper; "if the man says that
Mr. Spoopendyke goes To bed mad every night,
he tells the truth, and if he does that, l don't
care what he SAYS abOnt me. What ! wonder
the most about is how long a speech the foreman
of the jury will make about Mr. Guitean.h
Aud Mrs. Spoopendyk crawled in on her side
of the conch and then Topped out again, TO see
if the man under the bed had not by some posi-
hility got into the match safe, and pulled the
cover over himself.