The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-12-01
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

A music-box can be shut up when its
music is not wanted. The discordant
singer cannot be treated in the same way
Chicago Journal.
"A Vermont debating society will
tackle the question, (which is the most
fun-to see a man try to thread needle
or a woman try to drive 4 naila'-Boston
Post. % -- I
1t was the last act of a new comedy,
and the house, half empty at the start,
was nearly deserted. only a few dead
heads remaining. The curtain went up,
and the leading man began with his line.
s.Are we alone?'' The utility man
glanced over the auditorium and an
swered in tragic tones: p" We are" For
the first and last time the audience,
laughed.-Boston Star.
Josh Billings recently said: "HumoP
must be based on truth. 1t is because q
thing is ludicrous and at the same time
true to nature that people laugh at it.
Now, Artemus Ward was not humorist
but he was the droilest man the country
has ever produced. Writers who make
their effects by hyperbole are not hu-
morists. Genuine humor lasts forever,
because it is true. You soon tire of hear
ing man tell stupendous lies.''
A Detroit grocer is trying to make
his friends believe that while he was
STOPPING over some butter he was knocked
senseless and robbed. An intelligent jury
will decide whether the suspected parties
did the knocking down or whether the.
smell of the butter was the guilty party
And as to robbery, there is butter sold
in Detroit that no living man can rob oil
a single scent-Pitts6urgh Telegraph
Teach your daughter how to cook
exclaims the Philadelphia Record. That
is all very nice in theory, but experience
has shown that they will waste about
$1,000 worth of provisions while learn
ing, and then, after mastering the art,
will get married and cook for some other
fellow, leaving you to wrestle with the
new Biddy. Better let the other fellow
do the teaching and bear the expense
and dyspepsia. ~ Chicago Times.
When we see the young man of the
period, with the cut-away coat, his ears
sheltered from the cold north wind blasts
by the broad expanse of collar, his two
watch chains, but no watch, his pointed
shoes and intellectual eyeglass, his
tootssy-wootsey cane and pancake hat.
we realize that the $4,000, 900 annually
expended in educating the American
youth is little enough Rochester IN.
~ Post-Erpress.
Mamma, DEAR" said girl. Just in
the flush of early womanhOod, II have
something to tell you. George has pro-
posed and have accepted" '.My child,
I cannot think of you disgracing your
self. George is not suitable match for
you. Besides, this would make him one
Of the family and he would pay no more
board" Thus will be seen the incom-
patibility of clearinghouse girl falling
in love with one of the boarders.
The New Haven Register says that
on the evening of the graduating exer-
cises of Mr.. Walters class in the New
London high school. ga terrific thunder
storm burst forth at the very moment
young Waller stepped upon the stage to
deliver his defamation on .Spartecus;'
but undaunted by the peals the Young
graduate delivered his effort, and was
heard far above the elements" Those
who were present." we are told. ''testify
to the grandeur and suggestiveness of the
scare evidently meaning .'the scene"
Evening Post.