davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07

Cream and peaches once week.
Kiss your girl on the right hand check;
Apples green and apples dried,
Kiss her on the other side.
Ashland Review
That evinces wretched taste;
Take your girl about the waist,
Lift her to her pink toe-tips,
And print it squarely on her lips.
Frankfort Yeoman.
Seize the maiden in your arms,
Bushing with her tempting charms;
And it would, we think, be snugger.
Oft to kiss and tightly hug her.
Take your girl in warm embrace,
Heart to heart, and face to face,
Eye to eye, and nose to nose,
Flppity- flop, and away it goes!
-Flemingsburg Democrat
What's the use of all this rhyme;
Take your girl at any time,
Squeeze her till the bushes come,
Shut our eyes sand-yum-yum-yum
Evansville Courier.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
POSTMASTER NYE,S POLICY.
How He Proposes to Give Universal
Satisfaction to the Public.
Laramie Boomerang. |


Regarding the post-ofice, we wish to state
that we shall aim to make it great finan-
cial success, and furnish mail at all times to
all who desire it, whether they have any or
not. We shall be pretty busy, of course, at
tending to the Office during the day, and
writing scathing editorials during the night,
but we will try to snatch moment now and
then to write few letters for those who
have been inquiring sadly ard hopelessly for
letters during the past ten years. 1t is, in
deed, q dark and dreary world to the man
who has looked in at the same general de-
livery window nine times a day for ten years
and yet never received letter, nor even a
confidential postal-card from commercial
man, stating that on the 5th Of the following
month he would strike the town with new
and attractive line of samples.
We should early learn to find out such
suffering as that, and if we are in the Post
Office Department we may be the means of
much good by putting new envelopes on our
own dunning letters and mailing them to the
suffering and distressed. Let us in our
abundance remember those who have not
been dunned for many weary year. It
will do them good, and we will not feel the
loss.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Us Boys.
ALBANY Press.

| "Now, boys, when I ask you question
you mustn't be afraid to speak right out and
answer me. When you look around and see
all the fine houses, farms, and cattle do you
ever think who owns them all now? Your
faIthers own them, do they not?"
Eyes, sir, shouted hundred voices
"Well, where will your fathers be in twenty
years from now?"
Dead" shouted the boys.
That's right And who will own all this
property then? ?"
"Us boys"
Right. Now tell me, did you ever in go
ing along street notice the drunkards
lounging around the saloon-doors waiting for
some one to treat them?'
"Yes, sir; lots of them"
well, where will they be in twenty years
from now?"
Dead"
And who will be the drunkards then 2"
us boys,' shouted the unabashed young
SterS
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Utah Diamonds.
Salt Lake Tribune.l

Salt Lake Tribune
Considerable excitement has been caused
by the diamond discoveries at place twenty
miles southeast of Frisco Charles Lamers-
dorf has been gathering precious stones for
some months, and last week he took several
thousand to Salt Lake for exhibition. 1t is
claimed that these are diamonds and other
precious stones having great value when cut
and polished. The land where they are
found covers about 300 acres of wash or
gravel beds, and it is asserted that gold is
also found in the same ground rush was
made to- the place last week and the ground
was staked off in claims in the names of
various persons here What will become of
this we know not, and are not prepared to
offer an opinion as to the nature of the find,
II there is any value attached to the stones.
Tiffany q Co. OF New York have samples
which they pronounce of value and it may
be that when depth is reached in mining.
larger and better ones will be obtained.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
THE LITTLE BANANA PEEL.

like IL bar of the beaten gold
gleam in the summers sun;
1 am little know, but think can throw
A man that will weigh ton.
] send out no challenges bold
! blow me vaunting horn,
But foolish is he who treadeth on me;
He'll wish he had never been born
Like the flowers of the field vain man
Goeth forth at the break of day,
But when he shall fee! my grip Oh his heel
Like the stubbe it fadeth away;
For ] lift him high up in the air,
With his heels where his head ought to be;
With down coming crash he maketh his mash,
A2d know he's clear gone upon me.
am sconed by the man who buys me;
am modest and quiet and meek;
Though nay talents are few, yet the work that d.
Has oft made the cellar door creak.
I'm blood red republican born
And Nihlist fearless be-
Though the head wear q crown, / would bring it
pride down.
# il set its proud heel upon me.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Gentlemanly Ladies.

In railroad car on the Pittsburg q Lake
Erie Railroad the seats were all full, except
one. which was occupied by a pleasant-loo
inc Irishman from Wampun, and at Beaver
a couple of evidently well-bred and intelli-
Gent Young ladies came in to procure seats
Seeing none vacant, they were about gong
into the next car, when Patrick arose hastliy
and offered them his seat with evident
pleasure. go, ads i ,...ae no,rse,fn
resnonded one of the young ladies, with Q
smile, hesitating with true politeness TO ac-
cept it. o,,on. H;bar-
Man HI'd ride upon cowcatcher to New
York York for smile from such gintlemanly Ia
dies"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Fine Writing.
Hartford Times I


The proprietor of paper published in
Philadelphia offered prize of $40 in gold
to the person who should write the most
words from the first chapter of Genesis with
in circle the size of silver quarter of
dollar. The prize was awarded to Mrs. Lille
E. Wood, of Hartford. Mrs. Wood accomp-
lished the wonderful feat of writing the en-
tire chapter within the prescribed space, and
to show how wonderful that was it is only
necessary to count the words which the lady
crowded into this small space. In the first
chapter of Genesis there are thirty-one
verses and seven hundred and ninety-fve
words, not counting the headings or the
numerals at the beginning Of the verses, as
the writer was permitted to omit these The
reading matter and the punctuation had to
be copied into the quarter of dollar circle,
into which she puts the 795 words and ia
punctuation marks.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07

Sleep. The ghostly winds are blowing,
No moon abroad, no star is glowing;
The river is deep, and the tide is flowing
To the land where you and are going!
We are going afar,
Bevond moon or star.
To the land where the sinless angels are!
lost my heart to your heamless sire,
Twas melted away by his looks of fire.
Forgot my God, and my father, 8 Ire,
All for the sake of a mans desire;
But now we'll go
Where the waters flow,
And make us q bed where none shall know
The world is cruel, the world is untrue;
Our foes are many, our friends are few;
No work, no bread, however we sue!
What is there left for me to do,
But fy-fy
From the cruel sky,
And hide in the deepest deeps-and die?
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
SOLD RYE, MAKES A SPEECH.

] was made to be eaten,
And not to be drank;
To be thrashed in a barn,
Not soaked in a tank.
] came as blessing, .a
When put through mill;
As blight and curse,
When through still.
.ss -
Make me up into loaves, ...t. ...aa
And your children are fed;
But if into drink,
will starve them instead.
In bread, ] am servant,
The eater shall rule; ~t
In drink / am master,
The drinker fool.
hen remember the warning;
My strength I'll employ,
II eaten, to strengthen.
ii drank, to destroy.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
John Brown at Balmoral.

Mr. John Brown, having been sent by Her
Majesty in quest of the lady-in-waiting
who happened to be the Duchess of Athole
suddenly stumbled against her. ]. B.,
loquiter "Hoot, mann, yer just the woman
I was looking for" Enraged Duchess
,dashes incontinently into the royal presence,
and expostulatingly exclaims to Her
Majesty: Madame, ]. B. has insulted me
he had the impertinence to call me wo-
mani" To which the queen replies with
cutting serenity: "And pray what are you %
Exit duchess in tantrum.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
A Boy.

One of the best things in the world is to
be boy. Boys have always been SO plenty
that they are not half appreciated. A boy is
willing to do any amount of work if it is
called play The feelings of boy towards
pumpkin pie has never been properly con-
sidered. A boy furnishes half the entertain
ment, and takes two-thirds of the scolding
of the family circle. 1t is impossible to say
at what age boy becomes conscious that his
trousers-legs are too short, and is anxious
about the part of his hair. In fact, a boy is
hard subject to get moral from.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Eating a Bouquet.
lOSwegO Times.

At hotel in this city Saturday a couple
from the country Of Milesian extraction
took seats at the dinner table. Directly at
ter young couple seated themselves oppo-
site, and the young man took stalk of
celery from the dish and commenced eating
it. The old lady opposite looked at him a
moment with an air of disgust, and then
nudged her husband and said in stage
whisper, Dye moind the blackguard ateing
the bokay ?"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Helena, Montana, Thursday, December 7, 1882
Artemas Ward in a Boarding School.
oscar F. Newell in Providence Press.l

Oscar F. Newell in Providence Press.l
| The following morning was as rare and
sunny as was Artemas himself He could
not resist an invitation to visit the Young
! Ladies' High School. While walking to the
academy a street runaway occurred. A ter
rified horse went tearing over the pavement
with what Artemas called the 'fore-quarters"
of a wagon Gathering at its heels. This in
cident Artemas utilized in his address. "The
vehicular elopement which has just taken
place, young ladies, has furnished us with q
timely topic of discourse. Young ladies'
seminaries are ever exposed to runaways
Once, when travelling with my show, came
upon female institute. There were ladders
and lads too, as to that, at every window
Many perpendiculars carrying fainting hori-
zontals to the ground. 'Firen I shouted.
None of that replied solemn voice from
the orchard. There aint no fire; these are
only young fellows running off with their
sweethearts.' There is moral entertain
ment for man and beast in this runaway.
No horse, if attached to a wagon, that u.s. if
sincerely attached to it, will run away with
it, but the more young man is attached to
q young woman the more he will run away
with her, leaving no traces, in fact, none of
the harness., behind. Young ladies, since I
have stood before your beautiful faces l
have lost something and if you or the boy
that sweeps out should find red object,
that looks like coral brestpin that has been
stepped on, you may know that it is my
poor, busted heart"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Playing it Fine on a Lone Mourner.

| Haven't got few roses growing in your
back yard, l reckon" suggested seedy man
to the cashier, "a few little faded roses, with
bit O leaf and a string to tie 'em up with p
Haven't got any back yard to begin
with" replied the cashier.
Not even little bit of pink or blue
bell or forget-me-not ?" sighed the seedy
man anxiously.
Nothing of the Sort" growled the cashier,
Don't keep 'em."
bunch of grass ?" entreated the seedy man.
"Just little something to put on a childs
grave. A plaintain leaf, sprig of parsley,
just cabbage leaf. even. l want something
green for an infants tomb. Can't you find
me little something to decorate my baby's
grave?"
'Been dead long?' asked the cashier,
wiping his eyes.
Three days." sobbed the bereaved. off I
could only get wisp of straw or a bale of
hay, to show that / hadn't entirely forgotten
that lone grave"
Take this roared the cashier, tearing the
nosegay from his buttonhole.
God bless you," calculated the seedy
man; God bless you and yours. Do you
think it will keep while walk to the ceme
terry? It's only four miles"
walk, man." clamored the man with
misty eyes. walk! you must ride to that
lonely grave and deposit your offering of
love. Here, take this dollar, and may the
sweetness of your grief last long after the
poignancy has been worn off on the grind
stone of time"
The seedy man thanked him with stream
ing cheeks, but that night he was frozen out
of a jackpot because the dollar was a coun-
terfeit, and plugged at that.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
THE MOTHERS LAST SONG.

set its proud heel upon me.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-12-07
Terms of Subscription.

WEEKLY HERALD:
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-09-14

First District, and Il. J. Mackcy from the
Fifth District. Mackey addressed the
Convention ut length, declaring that
every pledge made to the Colored people
by Hampton in 1876 had been ruthlesslv
violated, and reviewing with much sever
ity the Registration and Stock laws aud
ether measures adopted by the last Leg.
islature.
Mackcy spoke for three quarters of an
hour, after which the nominations Tor
additional districts was proceeded with.
/. III. Russell, of Anderson WAS nomi.
mated for the Third District; ID. Il. III.
kins, of Fairfield, from the Fourth Dis
trict; nr. Bowen, Of Marion, from the
Sixth District. No nomination was made
from the Seventh District, and the Exec
utive Committee were author i-rd 10 nom.
mate II candidate from the Second Dis.
trlct. The nominees on the State ticket
and Tor Congress and tho Executive Com
mlttee will meet tomorrow morning for
consultation. a collection was taken up
to cover the cost of lighting the hall.
Thanks were rendered to the president
and At u o'clock the Convention nd.
journed sine de.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-09-14

MACKEY's BLAsPHEMY.---"The Bour-
bon Democracy have hung out the black
flag Of defiance against American civili-
zation. On questions Of financial policy
they are absolutely without principle.
The Representatives Of tho Southern
States in Congress have been voting with
the Protectionists Of the North to impose
tax upon everything used by their con.
stituents.
"fhe great vital issue in the canvass is
the issue Of free ballot and fair count.
The average Bourbon, when he retired to
his virtrous couch at night, might we'll
be supposed to offer such Il prayer rs
this:
"Our Father who art in tho State
House Ring, hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come over all tho United
States. Thy will be done. Give us this
day our daily grub. Lead US not into
the temptations of the Gceenbackackers,
but deliver us from free ballot"
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-09-14

"A grocer advertised that he had for
sale the kind of apples that Eve ate, and
the next day his house was crowded with
women.
= That was right mean IN young
fellow telling man on very poor horse
the other day that If he'd hand over ten
cents he wouldn't let the buzzards know
which way the animal went.
The Richmond way State writes:
Ex-Mayor j. A, Gentry, Manchester, this
State, was cured Of rheumatism by st.
Jacobs Oil.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-09-14
sPOOKS

that trail up and down at "witching
hours" moaning and wailing. The OF.
ficers make light Of the idea, but the men
firmly believe it, and take gruesome
pleasure in relating how, on moonlight
nights, spectral gibbet rises where the
real one stood, and upon it ghosts bob
up sercnely," sometimes awaying to and
fro for hours rs if they enjoyed it.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1882-09-14
ORGANIZED 70 CONVICT,

and hanged for the crime of keeping a
boarding house. True, on tho principle
that most Washington boarding. houses
are kept, the crime is almost heinous to
merit capital punishment, but, then let
US call things by their right names.
We of the North were led By published
statements to belive that Mrs. Surratt
WAS made inseusible, absolutely intoxi-
Gated, by valerian, or some other drug,
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-08-25

importance. They can also use the
correspondents for purposes of their
own whenever they wieh TO convey
false Impressions TO the enemy's
camp. It ia only surmise on our
part, but il seems probable that Gem
eral Wolselsy will seek to shift the
scene of active operations from Al
exandria to Ismailia and Cairo.
There will be ten thousand men at
Suez aud thirty thousand on the
Mediterranean side. II these col
umns could be united at the halfway
house OF the canal, march upon the
capital would be attended with few
er difficulties than would be encoun-
tered from Aboukir or Rosetta, with
the Nile rapidly rising and Arab
behind a strong line OF intrench-
ments. The past campaigning in
Egypt made Alexandria, Aboukir
and Rosetta the starting points, aud
the old lines may be followed, al
though the canal would seem TO make
new base Of operations practicable.
Our special cable dispatches disclose
the fact that there il some nervous
ness in London lest General Wo!se-
ley may be acting rashly in seeking
to turn Arabi's position. A change
Of base such IA we have suggested
would explain the demonstrations at
Aboukir and elsewhere aud exempt
him from the charge Of precipitate
haste.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-08-25
LIsroE DELEnArEs-

The following is a partial list,
with the Hancock vote Of each coun.
ty, Of The delegates (representing a
decided m majority OF the Democratic
vote Of this distnct) who participa-
ted 10 the convention held at Odd
Fellows Hall in the town Of Keyser,
August l2tb, aud nominated the
Hon. d. p. Lucas for Congress
BARBOUR, 10 VoTEa. --Alphcus Murphy.
Bartlett O'Nesl, JOshua Woods, q. W.
Vsmroy, B. r Vamroy. r. Murphy,
II. A. Barrow. ID. w Gail, w. s Wood
ward, w ID Zinn. A. Simon, n. @. Bart
lett, J. S. ANAL, G.. A. Byrer James
Mutton, J. Y. Grim, Peter r. Reed,
Alfonso WooGford, b. II WOodford Thad-
deus Mickey, }. II. Woodford. Jr, Claud
Bartlett, s. Bartlett.
BERKELEY, 10 VOWS William D0dd,
J. NJ. syester, Joseph B. vaDmetre, r. s.
Eichelberger
HARDY, VoTEs. Joseph Vanmetro.
D p. Vanmotre, tsasc Vsumctre, W..
VIII Harness, r b. Chriemau p. O..
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-08-25
OOD WEST VIRGINIA, FRIDAY, AUGUST %, 1882.

Maupin, Westfsll Garrett. VIM ]. Fol,z,
Jno. J. Chipley, II b. Shenard, = B.
Allen.
HAMPsHIRE, Is VoTRs.-A. w. Kerche-
val, John Blue, John Csrder. John Mar.
tin, W. II. Powell, Robert Washington,
Isaac Parsons, James Ludwig, A. G. Low.
Asa Hiet, L. ID. Schmithe, George Deaver,
A. Monroe.
JEFFERSON, 90 VoIEs.--J. G. Holmes.
ID. Ii. Cocknl, John T. Colston, George
Bayler, Frank Beckwith, II. b. Daven.
port, + w Brown, L w Bediuger, Gerard
ID Moore John G Shirley, A II TanQuary.
) L Markie, Eugene Baker, Jsmes VI
Grove, George d McGlincy. Nelson T
Snyder, ID s Renteb, John O Aglionby. II
ID Lamar, John f Foley, John NJ Daniel,
Lucas, J q Hurst, John III Hostler,
Robert w Baylor, w Morrow, Adam
Cockren, I B Moore.
MARION, II VoTRs-w u Sine, A Ho-
vel. N MILAN, L w Hamilton, L Nj Jones,
Jacob Murray. s X Thomas. A ] Maple.
F Smith, M V knight, w K Drummond.
" o Brodil, w Murlll, A McCray Il ]
Board, Trailer, Jesse Shaw, y II Mar
tin, Johnathan Nj Arnett.
MINERAL, 8 VoTKs Emanuel Polling,
J ohm A Robinson, Okey johnson, Colonel
johnson, Charles Sto,ler, l. J johnson, Il
Rlnehsrt, Johp T Pierce.
MoNoNGAI1A, IL VoTKs. "A @ Davis, d
b Stewart. X Durr, George w johnson,
Joseph Moreland, John Hood.
MORGAN, 4 VoTRs.--Z Michael, John
Mclaughlin, Il Hunter, James West, & NJ
Pendleton, DR. Kirk.
PRESTON, 13 VoTEs George Purcell, p
a CUnlG, ii @ Worthngton, ID Stemple.
DorsY Forman, l. CockrelI, w IL An
derson, George ID Moore, L j Crogan, G.
Il Vickerey, j NJ & Fairfax, 4 Fuller,
w NJ Wolf.
RANDOLPH, VorEs j B Ward, J G
st Clair.
TAYLOR, IL VoTRs Il NJ Cochran, Nj ]
Bartlett, j Il Scott, Job G Bartlett, David
Bartlett, w L Smith, Ii B Lake, Michael
Fabey, Ii j SniveleY, John NJ Thayer,
-McKinuey, Capt NJ Donohue, Francis
NJ Lucas, Vl,tor Lucas, John Delworth,
William Gould, G w Newton, Capt John
Riley, Jonathan NJ Poe, Solomon Poe.
TUCKER, VoTEs.-Magarga Parsons,
VIM T. Talbot
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1882-08-25
rWO CINDIDirES.


The Democratic convention Of the
2nd Congressional District which
met at Keyser, on the llth inst,
split, and one wing nominated II on.
John Blair Hoge, and the other put
d. B Lucas IN the field. The Lucas
men claim that they were not hon
orably treated, that the action OF the
Hoge men, who had control OF the
organization, was manilestly unjust,
unfair and irregular, exhibiting a
determined purpose to 30 arrange
things as to secure their ends, and
that self respect, and the interest o!
the great Democratic party de-
manded that they should put their
emphatic condemnation upon all
such practices. Hence, their with
drawal in body, Never, in the
history Of political conventions, has
more shameful practices been indul.
ged in, and a more determined pur-
pose to Iule or ruin manifested
than was exhibited by the follow ers
OF Hoge in the Keyser convention.
The proceedings show that at no
time did the Hogs party shor any
deposition, by word or deed, to
harmonize the convention. Every
appeal tor vote by counties was
oVer-ruled by the penetrating
presiding oHcer,' and purpose ex-
hlblted to rlvet the chains upon
Lucas and his friends. To have re-
NAMED in the convention, after the
preparation Of these outrages,
would have bound the Lucas men
and made then party to the foul
ness of the record there made up.
The two men, Hoge and Lucas, are
now before the people OF the dis
trict, and the result, unless com
promise il brought about, will be
the election of Republican. 49,
Should euch disaster overtake the
party in THE district, upon the Hoge
party will rest the responsibility.
VIII the party for the sake Of either
Of these men, suffer such disaster
to the best intereats OF themselves
and their county? We trust not.
Let such protest arise from he
p-ople as will compel the Hoge
party TO meet the Lucas party hall
way.
Tue noble aud manly spirit Of
Daniel b. Lucas-that spirit that
a~asens kindred respouae in every
true Democratic heart-that prompt.
ed uim to offer the band Of recon
cibation, cannot but elevate him IN
the eetImation OF his couutrymen :;
bu. !; at the same time Will never
submit TO she dictation Of the
wouId-be bosses OF tie party. Upon
that issue be will have to 90 before
the people appealing to them to
set the seal OF condemnation upon
the proceedings Of the Convention.
Our columns are open TO both
parties for the discussion Of all diff
fereuces Of opinion.-MooyeRsH Tx.
ant.ncr.