The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-06-22
TROUBLE IN PORT.

"Well, well, wellv exclaimed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke as he danced into the room and clasped
his wife in his arms, "home again, old girl ~ and
he kissed the baby and slammed his hat against
the wall, while his wife jigged around him, with
smiles on her lips, tears in her eyes, and her
nose all wrinkles.
did you have good boat ride" she asked,
at length, Strengthening out her lace, and rub
bling his whskers.
Don't know exactly what you mean by
boat ride" retorted Mr. Spoopendyke, staring
at his wife. 'Praps you imagine straddled
that boat and stuck spurs into it. The boat l
was on goes by sails and not legs. had good
sail, if that's what You mean. See, l haven't
got over the roll and pitch yet. and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke lurched across the room, with his limbs
very wide apart, bringing up before his wife
with jerk, and giving his pantaloons hitch.
ats done you ever SO much good,' said Mrs.
Spoopendyke; "but are you always going to
walk like thatir
.'what if ?" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke,
strengthening up on his legs. "Don't you like
that walkf Anything in that walk obnoxious
TO your sense of proprietyi Does that walk in
any way crate your feelings! Some day,
when I'm not busy, I'll fit you up with a big
moustache and a scent of onions, aud advertise
you as a dancing school! Then you can show
me how to get around cheap
'Did you have pleasant trip, dear 7" began
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
s'Cruisei not trip; cruise. You take cruises
on boats, not trips Do you know what a cruise
isl
''Isn't it something to hold oil in ~ inquired
Mrs Spoopendyke, timidly. The Bible tells
about the
That's it, exactly returned Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, with preternatural solemnity. Il went
to sea in an oil can. i didn't know it until
got home and consulted your profundity. You
hit it first clip. If you only had a chimney on,
and sputtered q little, what a student lamp
you'd makel l tell you, made a cruise in n
boat, dod CAST it" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke,
slipping off the handle as he realized the ont
rage to his feelings by his wife's ignorance.
"And there wasn't any oil, or any measly wild
ows in it, l sailed, l tfidr and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke lurched around the room again, and brought
up all standing.
al should think you'd have been afraid ~ muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke, gazing upon him adj
miringly. ~ wouldn't go ont in one of those
boats for the world"
.'Of course You wouldn't" grinned Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, somewhat Modified by the tribute to his
courage. "Much you'd know about taking in
sheets, and lighting the pinnacle, and over
hauling the boom tacklew
Upon my word !" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, her face radiant with delight. "Did you
do all thatf don't know anything about the
barnable or the broom tackle, but Pm glad you
learned 10 take in sheets, because You used TO
kick them of so, you know, and baby"
''Yahr snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''Sheets
are ropes, tell We, s'pose We think we hauled
in feather beds, and white spreads, and shams.
Well, We didn't! You'd hear the Captain sing
out, Hard lee-haul away jib sheet aud then
I'D catch hold and pull"
Il should have thought you'd been scared to
death" said Mrs. SpOopendyke, her eyes glis-
tening with love and reverence for her hus-
band. SIS that the name they gave yon. be-
lieve III call ypu Hartilee, hereafter. It's real
pref"
'.You just call me that oncel just oncew
howled Mr.. Shoopcndyke, temporarily forget
ting his sea-legs, and stalking up to his wife ut
his natural gait. "You draw that on me the
first Observation-Disclosures my stove-pipe,D
continued Mr.. Spoopendyke, suddenly recol-
lecting that he was nautical, ''if i don't make
you throw over fender or lose your standing
rigging Understand me :" and Mr. Spoopen-
dyke regarded his wife intently, to note the ef
feet of his threat.
Certainly, y replied Mrs spoopendyke. "You
mean that Won don't want me to call you by that
horrid name, or else. if do, you'll make me get
up in the morning and build fire. Isn't that
it about the fendersf ~
That's Just it," grinned Mr.. Spoopendyke.
''YOu made il on the first tack. All you need
now is a centre-board and q bar-room, to be q
Cunard steamer. If l ever want a sniff of salt
air, all I've got to do is talk ship to you. Now,
I'll tell You what you do. You put your helm
up, and stand away for the kitchen; dye hear
And just soon as you've taken in canvas and
put the stops on, You start fire in the gallery.
and get ne up dinner of lobsconce and duff!
III scull down there directly. as soon as I've
bent on n clean shirt and stay sail round my
neck. Where's my stu'ns'ls ~
Didn't you leave 'em on board !" huttered
Mrs. SpOopendyke.
"where are theyi" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
sect me pair of stu'nsls, before l open ports
on ye! Cuffs, dod CAST it! Cuffs Don't You
know that cuffs are stu'nslsT And having
rather impaired the effect of his phraseology
by the necessary explanation, Mr.. Spoopendyke
accepted the article from his wife's trembling
hand, and scowled ut himself IN the glass.
'.Do you want anything elser she asked,
brightly. "Any other rigging, sheets, barna- |
cles jibs hard lees, or anything, before l get |
the Holsters and puifs."
"Avastr spurted Mr.. Spoopendyke; lyon go |
DO what tell you. HI hesve to and lash my |
helm until You pass the word, and then I'll bear |
down. Now, You 60 below. You hearr
''Im glad he had good time" soliloquized |
Mrs Spoopendyke, as she scuttled down stairs, |
Though I'm sorry he's going to lash his helm. |
| hope he won't hurt himself much" and the |
patient lady laid her course toward the kitchen, |
where she mumbled over the terms, to fix |
them in her memory, while Mr.. Spoopendyke |
wrecked the bedroom, in search of the neck |
tie that was hanging down his back.-Brooklyn
EAGLE.