davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
MRS. PARTINGTON At THE sOLDIERS
BIZ44R.

1xktSs HAhIlNG AT III SOLDIEhS
BAZAAR.
1t was at distinguished party, called
by the ladies in aid of the Soldiers Ba-
zaar, that Mrs. Darlington found her.
self, as we'll as she could for the crowd
There was much said in support of the
object, and a warm enthusiasm pre-
vailed, amounting at times to loud man.
ifestations of approval.
"Quite a furore," the President of the
meeting remarked to the dame, who sat
beside him.
ga teso roarI' she replied, her spec
tacles flashing with excitement. 81
should call it good many roar, and
everybody seems willing to exhilarate
the movement. How much we owe the
soldiers who made sacraments of them
selves for us, and laid down their arms
and legs only when the Union was
saved p
"Very true, " responded the President,
and l trust that all are willing to ad-
NIT their Indebtedness.
"They may be, replied she; "but I
feared it was something like Mrs. Hite's
borrowing my eggs and saying she
would be always indebted to me for
them; as she was. for she never paid
EN- back.
The President looked little annoyed.
Soon there came another shout.
"Don't you think" she said, that
these few roars should have been per-
petrated when the war was over, and not
left the women to do what was incum-
bered on the men?'
perhaps" replied her interlocutor,
"but better late than never"
cit came nigh being too late," said
she. with the poor legless heroes run
ming to their long home through a poor
house gate; but, thank Heaven, some
will have comfortable home to 20 to,
after this, where they can smoke the
calumny Of peace, without even a tax
collector to make 'em afraid"
She was wearying, but she meant we'll.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
CLEARED THE F4Y,

Gentleman meets friend and takes
him home to dinner. Arrived at the
house he leaves him in the sitting-room,
to announce the fact to his wife. The
friend, hearing directly a clanlor of
tongues in the adjoining room, decorates
the key-hole with his ear.
Shrill voice -" always the way -
bringing people home without a min
ute's warning Him, too! Why don't
you leave him to batten on his usual
free-lunch route p
Hoarse voice" Ssh -
Shrill voice. won't ssh r.
Hoarse voice" tell you you will.
Oh, If he wasn't in the room outside,
wouldn't just give you"
The friend, shouting through the key
hole" I amt here any longer; give it
to her." Exit, slamming the door,
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
Perjury ana Hypocrisy.

In the " History Of Civilization"
Buckle tells how the State may encour-
age the people to commit perjury and to
become hypocrites. He says:
''Thus, during many centuries, every
government thought it was its bounden
duty to encourage religious truth and
discourage religious error. The mischief
this has produced is incalculable. Put
ting aside all other considerations. it is
enough to mention its two leading con.
hypocrisy and the increase of perjury.
The increase of hypocrisy is the inevita-
BILE result of connecting any description
of penalty with the profession of particu-
lar opinions. Whatever may be the case
with individuals, it is certain that the
majority of men find an extreme diff
Guilty in long resisting constant tempta-
ton. And when the temptation comes
to them in the shape of honor and
emolument, they are too often ready to
profess the dominant opinions, and
abandon, not indeed their belief, but
the external marks by which that belief
is made public. Every man who takes
this step is hypocrite; and every gov
eminent which encourages this step to
be taken is an abettor of hypocrisy and
creator of hypocrites. Well, therefore,
may we say that when a government
holds out as bait, that those who pro-
TESS certain opinions shall enjoy certain
privileges, it plays the parts of the
tempter of old, and, life the evil one,
basely offers the good things Of this
world to him who will change his wor-
ship and deny his faith. At the same
time, and as part of this system, the in
crease of perjury has accompanied
theincreaseo Of hypocrisy. For Legislators,
plainly seeing that proselytes thus OBJ
tanned could not be relied upon, have
met the danger by the most extraordi-
nary precautions; and compelling men
to confirm their belief by repeated oaths,
| have thus sought to protect the old creed
against the new converts. It is this sus-
picion as to the motives Of others which
has given rise to oaths of every kind and
in every direction. In England even the
boy at college is forced to swear about
matters which he cannot understand,
and which far ripper minds are unable to
master. If he afterwards goes into par
Lament, he must again swear about his
religion; and at nearly every stage OF
political life he must take fresh oaths;
the solemnity of which is often strangely
contrasted with the trivial functions to
which they are the prelude. A solemn
adjuration of the Diety being thus made
at every turn, it has happened, as might
have been expected. that oaths, enioined
as matter of course, have at length de-
generated into matter Of form. What
is lightly taken is easily broken. And
the best observers of English society
observers, too, whose characters are very
different, and who hold the most opposite
opinions-are all agreed on this, tina
perjury habitually practiced in England
and of which government is the immedi
ate creator. is 30 general that it has be
come a source of national corruption
has diminished the value of human test
mony, and shaken the confidence whicl
men naturally place in the word Of thei
fellow creatures.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
Sleeping By MachinerI.

Mr. Washtub is the name of a gen
tlemen who won't stop at an up coun-
try hotel again. 1t seems that the
clerk had to get up early in the morn
ing, and, finding difficulty in waking,
built patent alarm bed in accord>
ance with plans given him by Mr..
Edison, who once stopped at his
house. The bed had powerful
clock-work attachment, and ethour
it would arose any man who wasn't
dead. The day after they got the
thing set up in the house there was
great rush of guests, and the clerk,
in order to accommodate Mr.. Wash
tub, gave up his bed to him. He
also forgot to shat off the alarm, and
the result was that about o'clock
in the morning Washtub was arous-
ed by most terrible racket. He
OPP ned his eyes and sat up in bed,
and then he heard a voice, which
came from photograph attachment
to the bed, exclaim: "You old muck
er, pile out y If he had understood
the thing he would have hoped out
of bed and shut off the alarm. But
he didn't, and thought it was bur
glars, and lay down again and pulled
the covers over his head, and the bed
began to shake violently, and he
thought it was an earthquake and
was terribly scared. The bed shook
SO that he had to cling to the mat
tress to keep in, and finally the bed
seemed to rise up right under him
and he was hurled violently to the
floor. He tried to rise, and just ther
the mattress came upon him with
great force and foored him again
He had terrible time getting out
from under it, and, just as he did sc
and gave wild yell for help, show
er of ice water came upon him, anc
then the stats of the bed begar
to whack at him and, as he could SEA
but little in the dim light of the room
he thought he must have gone tt
: sleep III threshing machine, ant
some one had started it. His yell
finally brought the landlord, wh'
stopped the machine, and tried t.
calm the terrified guest but explana
ton only made matters worse, for tn
t victim lost two trains stopping owe
= to Law for the clerk who had foun'
out what he had done, and kept on
4, OF the way.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
n JUDGES CHANGE. WITH TARLA.
TTONK

The following comes from Georgia,
and its accuracy is vouched for by the
stenographer who took it down:
Judge - was noted for the way he
got mixed in his charges to the jury.
On one occasion case was tried before
him, the points of which may be briefly
stated thus: Smith brought suit against
Jones upon promissory note given for
. horse. Jones' defense was failure OF
consideration, he averring that at the
time Of the purchase the horse had the
CHAMBERS, OF which he died, and that
Smith knew it. Smith replied that the
horse did not have the CHAMBERS but the
distemper, and that Jones knew it when
he bought.
The Judge charged the jury "Gen-
tlemen OF the jury, pay attention to the
charge of the court. You have already
made one mis-trial of this case because
you did not pay attention to the charge
of the court, and don't want You to do
it again. / intend to make it so clear to
you this time that you cannot possibly
make any mistake. This suit is upon q
note given for prom issory horse. I
hope you understand that. Now, if you
find that at the time OF the sale Smith
had the CHAMBERS, and Jones knew it,
Jones cannot recover. That is clear,
gentlemen. will state it again. If you
find that at the time of the sale Jones
had the distemper, and Smith knew it,
then Smith cannot possibly recover.
But, gentlemen, I will state it third
time, so that you cannot possibly make
mistake. If at the time of the sale
Smith had the CHAMBERS, and Jones had
the distemper, and the horse knew it,
then neither Smith, Jones nor the horse
can recover. Let the record be given
to the jury. "-Harper's Magazine.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
PLAIN TALK BY A DEMOCRATIC ED
ITOR.

We have already alluded to the
celebration of the anniversary Of
General Jacksou's one hundred and
fifteenth birthday By the Iroquois
Club at Chicago Among others who
were present was Hon. Henry Wat
terson, editor of the Courier Journal,
who was called on for speech. Mr.
Watterson is not only a brilliant and
viyacious writer, but he is also on
eloquent and forcible speaker,
and is in the habit of saying,
as well as writing, caustic things.
In his speech at the Chicago ban
quet, he gave his 5rethen OF the
Democratic press some excellent adj
vice, interspersed with valuable
hints. Among other things, he said
OF the Democratic press:
It is no longer a power IN the land.
1t no longer issues the DEGREES OF
Administrations nor unfolds the pol~
icies of Government, nor echoes the
spirit of the age. 1t is, indeed, but
O. poor relation; sincere, loyal-full
OF courage and hope-but, like the
party, divided, nresolute and pur-
pOseless.
He thinks there is remedy, how
ever, and goes on to speak OF 1t. say
ing:
First of all, then, the Democratic
press must rea: re that there las been
a deluge. Old things have been
swept away. He who looks back
ward shall share the fate OF Lot
wife: lie who looks forward shall
live, move and have Il being. That
the Democratic party has survived
the deluge is of good angnry. It
tells US that its existence las been
prolonged for some great purpose.
1t is for the Democratic press to I'M
derstand that within that pur-
pose are bound up no reactions
and no revenges. The Democratic
party cannot come into power, and
it ought not to come
into power, as an avenglng
deity, still less destroying angel.
1t must come III, if it come III at ali,
as the party of action, not reaction ;
the party OF reform, not redress the
party of to-day, not of yesterday,
applying its energies to the adjust
ment of the country and itself to the
new and extraordinary conditions
which modern science, invention and
research have wrought wherever the
tinkIe of the telephone is heard and
the sparkle of the electric light IL
seen.
Those acquainted with the past
history of Democratic journalism, and
who are even casual observers of its
present tendencies, will SEQ at once
how difficult it will be for the
average Democratic editor to comply
with the conditions necessary to sue
CESS, prescribed by Mr.. Watterson
In the first place, it is hard to
convince great many of these
editors that there has been 8
"deluge' And utterly oblivious Of
the fate Of Lots wife, they persist
in looking backward, not only occa-
sionally, but habitually and persist
entity. And if the average Demo
cratic politician should be deprived OF
"revenges against those who have
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
mrmoRY IN CHESS PLAYING.

Wonderful as are the feats of chess
players, who can work out game or
series Of games without seeing the board,
there is nothing really remarkable in
them. When once mastered, the trick
is not only fairly easy Of performance, but
the fact that the process is purely mental
rather facilitates than impedes the action
of the mind. To the blindfo2ded
chess player there is present mental
picture of the board with the pieces in
position. He can change the position
of the men as easily as he can think, and
after he has once mastered the difficulty
of fixing the mental picture, it is dis
tinctly before him. Some players, who
do not in their common process of men,
DRY use picture phantoms, work out the
moves as algebraical propositions are
occasionally worked, by phantoms Of
sound but, as rule, chess-players are
mental picture readers, and can at pleas
ure call up any one of the several pict-
ures of boards as they last conceived
them. The most difficult feat, and one
which very few mental chess-players
can accomplish, is to play two or three
games simultaneously, the moves made
by their opponents being told them in
close sequence and their own moves
being directed after all the reports of
the proceedings of their opponents have
been received. Thus, if there be sew
eral players against the one mental
player, he must be told and remember
what each of his adversaries has done
before he begins to give the instructions
for his several counter-moves. In this
exploit, the most perfect development
of the mental faculty of distinct pictur-
ing and displacement and recall OF
mental pictures at will is exhibited The
prodigious difficulty of the feat can only
be realized in the attempt to perform it.
Even the expert blindfolded chess playe,
can rarely succeed in accomplishing the
performance we have attempted to des
criLe.-Ldncet.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
LONGEVITY IN EUROPE.

M. De Solaviile analyses in the Revue
Scient!fque the results of recent Euro
pean censuses by ages. and the register
of deaths also by ages. If we strike
mean of the census from 1869 to 1872 we
find that Europe exclusive Of Russia,
Turkey and some small southern states)
possessed in 1870 mean population OF
242, $40, 376, classed as follows from the
point of view of advanced age 17,313,-
tbs of more than so years, 1885, of
more than 90, and BIOS of more than
100 years.. e., inhabitant in II OF
more than go, in 1860 of more than
80, and | in 62,503 of more than 100.
Women, NJ. Solaville finds, are moro
numerous in extreme old age than men
and the difference increases with the age.
Thus at go years the advantage is with
the women in the proportion of Z per
cent, at 80 and above it rises to Is, and
with centenarians to 60 per 100. 1t is in
France that we find the greatest relative
number of inhabitants at the age Of so
and upward but it is not so for GEN.
tenarians, of which France has less than
all the other states Of Europe except
Belgium, Denmark and Switzerland.
From a calculation of deaths by ages
the result is reached that, to the total
deaths, those at the age of 80 and up
ward bore the following proportions to
the countries named, and arranged &C
cording to the decreasing order of i'm
portance Great Britain, 9.73; Swe-
den, 7.39 France, 6.5S; Belgium, GOT;
Switzerland, 800; Holland, 447; Italy,
3.76; Bavaria, 3.42 Prussia, 300; Aus
tria, 26l. The result is in accordance
with what we know of the mean age Of
tho deceased in the same countries.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19
Whose Son Was He!

"Papa,' said little Harry the other
evening, sis your father gun ?"
"Why that funny question, my
boy. OF course, he is not; he is q
man."
"That's what I thought; but last
night when young Mr.. June, that you
don't like, kissed sister Mary, over the
front gate, she told him to be careful or
father would hear and Mr.. June said /:
Pshaw, I amt afraid of that old son
of gun ; and then they both laughed,
and he kissed her again. Amt that
funny? ?" The old gentleman was alb
sorbed in thought, and did not reply
iSyeubenUiHe Herald.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

ness, and he must say how much It
is just so with State, if the State
wants to do what is strictly honest.
If the creditors are willing to com
promise the States indebtedness, it
is for them to. say how much they
will relinqirish and it is the business
of the State to pay it.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

The moonlight stole through vene-
tian blinds and Illuminated the brow Of
the fair Cincinnatian, as Alfred Della
mayne, of Cleveland, stopped and
pressed his lips upon it, saying Your
love for me will be as eternal as the
light of the stars ?" eyes, AL" she i'm
pulsively murmured, 81 swear to love
you as long as pork fat vii. grease grid
dies"
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

In 1873 public coffee-house was es-
tablished in London for the purpose Of
checking intemperance, and to-day there
are over 100 such enterprises in En-
gland, mostly in London. They receive
the hearty praise Of the church and the
substantial aid of the respectable classeA
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

HENCEFoRTH, if the Edmunds bill
is enforced, the Mormon bishop,
elders, priests, and rulers OF the
church, will find it expensive to in>
dulge their lecherous propensities in
the name of matrimony. One of
our most sacred institutions, at least,
is to be no longer degraded by the
iicentious whelps who have been vic
lating the laws of God and man in
the name of religion. The present Con-
gress deserves the gratitude of the
civilized world for having taken hold
of this relic of barbarism, and giving
it such Il vigorous shake that it is
likely to collapse and go down.
But can the law be peaceaby en-
forced IL is to hoped So It would
be an act of sheer madness for the
Mormons to resist the authorities of
the United States. But the rulers
of the church have a great in>
fuence over their subjects, a
majority of whom are super.
stitious and ignorant, and they may
incite them to resistance The res
suit would, of course, be bloodshed-
The military would be called upon to
aid the civil authorities in enforcing
the laws, but the laws must be en-
, forced in Utah as we'll as in other
/ States and Territories in the Union.
II the laws of the United States can
not be enforced there. or elsewhere,
it is well that we should know it.
II there is anything in the point
that strict rules of honor require us
TO first consult our creditors about g.
reduction of the debt, we desire to
inquire, when he makes a proposition
that is not acceptable to d majority
of the people, but acceptable to the
few who wanted him consulted, what
will that few do-still be in favor of
paying nothing'-Nashville World
If the World is going to ask ques-
tons it should ask hard ones. An
swers would then be more Interests
Ing. The creditor is i'll law and
morals entitled to what his bond
calls for. In a private transaction, if
one gives his bond for one hundred
dollars, if he is honest, that is just
the amount be expects to pay, and
it is the amount he will
pay. If his creditor wishes to forgive
a part of the debt, that is his BUSH
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

Ar ONE time bear and bull, chained
together, rolled in fierce contest along
the sand of the Roman arena; at an
other, criminals dressed in the skins Of
wild beasts were thrown to bulls, which
were maddsned by red-hot irons.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

Do not retail your troubles to
your neighbor, for most likely he has
more and worse troubles than you
have, but has the good sense to keep
still about them and bear them with
resignation.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

1t is the little things that fret and
worry US A three-year- old boy may
keep man in perfect misery, where
as no such trials would accompany
the presence of his eighteen-year- old
sister. Philadelphia News.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

The Shelbyyille Commercial, one
of the oldest and most consistent re-
pudia.ion papers in the State. will
not harmonic on 50e4 or sos, or
any other figure that looks to the
payment of dollar of that part of
the State debt created for the cons
struction of railroads. It says:
Now the low tax Democracy would
be as glad to see no dissenting voice
in the next canvass as any one of the
high tax Democrats, but they want it
to be a Reunion in which they will
not be required to sacrifice the prin-
ciples for which they are so earnestly
and honestly contending and as they
are lars ely nj the majority through>
out the State, they hold that if any
body has to give way to attain
harmony it will be that wing of the
party that have been vauquished at
the ballot>box and by the Supreme
Court of the State. The people
never will submit to the paying OF
! the railroad debt.
! And again: The Safe debt
proper is all they owe and is all the
people will ever pay. There is nc
Reputation i'll refusing to pay debt
they do not owe, and to agree tC
force the creditors to accept scaled
debt at so 4. is the meanest sort OF
reputation. Ii the thermometers
want harmony it is very easily got
at, if they will agree to it, and stanc
by tue platform and nominees OF the
low-taX Democracy III the mex
canvass.
The Nashville American, Memphis
Appeal and other harmony organs
have not got quite this far yet, bu
they are travelling rapidly in that di'
rectiun, and must get there if the,
mean to have harmony They vii
find that having meekly bowed thei
heads to receive the yoke, they mus
now wear it.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

Death to rats, mice, reaches and ants
PARSONS ExrERM1NAToR. Barns, granaries
and households cleared in single night,
No fear of bad smells. Best and cheapest
vermin killer in the world. Sold every
whore.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-03-19

Now then. let's go in and be aesthetic
with whoop and a hooray! Let's yank
the American eagle off the coinage and
substitute the sunfower Well get rid
of that abominably nlisshapen eagle, by
this course ANYWAY