The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-11-03
WHY WE LAUGH.
"Please hang up" is the polite telephone
for hold your tongue."-Ne,o Mexican.

"Please hang up" is the polite telephone
for hold your tongue."-Ne,o Mexican.
General Butler has an eye single to the
public good. The other eye he keeps for his
ewn private Use.
"Frank James was printer" We par
italy agree with this statement. That Is we
will compromise by admitting that he was
devil. [Dollar store joke. Four of this
style for $20O.-Boomerang.
A New York professor says that whisky
has killed more people than yellow fever.
The professor should remember that people
do not hunt up yellow fever and fall AGAINST
It.
"What have you been doing since last
saw you?" "I've been attending a course of
free lectures" "a course of free lectures ?"
ayes, was marrieda week after we parted"
Brooklyn Eagle.
Two Montana men, while sinking mine
broke through into q subterranean cavern
filled with skeletons. From the number Of
deadheads in the pit 1t must have been an
oldtheatre. Chronicle. Herald.
Pedestrian, who has dropped q penny in
front Of "a poor blind man"-"Why, you
humbug, you're not blind" Beggar-"Not
i, sir. If the card says am, they must have
given me the wrong one. Pm deaf and
dumb"
Hearing that Jay Gould had offered ST.
250, 900 for . half interest in q New York
paper and that his offer was refused, the edi-
tor of Michigan weekly wrote him that he
might have his whole shebang for half the
money.
A chile alters deserves whippin' de most
when its father Is outen humor. Oar is an
ole sayin' what says neber hit boy when
yer are mad. wouldn't give cent ter hit
him any udder time, case amt gwine ter
fight nobody when Use in good humor.-
arkansas 1rareler.
When the hay begins to tumble,
Then the busy bee doth humble,
And he makes the granger tumble
In the mansard Of his pants;
And SO do the hoppers, and the hornets,
-.Mertden Recorder.
A Connecticut optician has invented spec
tacles that he claims "will enable any one
to read small type under water" We can.
not believe that shortsighted man would
care to stay under water longer than the
time 1t would take him to read column of
nonpareil market reports. So we fear the
invention is lacking in practical utility
TeIds Siftin0s.
When an editor makes O mistake In his
paper all the world sees 1t and calls him Q
liar. When sprivate citizen makes mis-
take nobody knows IL except few friends
and they come around and ask the editor to
keep 1t cut OF the paper. When the private
citizen dies, the editor Is asked to write of
all hia 0ond lffiae and la,uo Ant tho bod
When the editor dies the private citizen says,
"Now that old liar will get his deserts. -
OIL City Derrick.
An Austin man who had been living In
rented house, notified his landlord that he
was going to move.
81 hope," said the landlord, "that / will
find the house in the same condition 1t was
when you took It,"
"No, don't expect to leave 1t in the same
condition found IT,"
swell, you viii, have to do it."
Gall right, then, I'll drop cat in the cis-
tern and advertise for bed bugs."-Teras
Sytings.
"How are you coming on, Uncle Mose?"
"Poorly, poorly, thank God" "WhaL's the
matter" ~ has seben gals to support, boss.
Hit costs power of money to fill up seben
moufs free times day." ayes, but heard
one Of your daughters was going to get mar
ried, so that will only leave six to support"
"Dat's whar you am foolin' yerself, boss.
Dat ar gal am gwine ter marry one OBJ desc
Austin Guild policianers, so instead of habin
1pBlK ~. itQ spDport when she marries Ill hab
der bit would take to shoot 'em. No, boss,
it will be eight instead Of six ter feed when
dat gal marries, not countin' de material in
crease."--Teras SJtings.