Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-09-08
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

lips.
AYE thai VIII % tie biUsh,np lover said
III 1t takes such an age to- as {, engage,
How long will It take W 20 wed2'
The Board Of Education OF Sacramento
Cal, has offered q prize Of twenty dollars 10
the girl graduate who will appear on the stage
commencement day in the least expensive
dress. At this distance this looks like an at
tempted renaissance OF the GurIcn Of Eden
but then, Of course, VIC dont pretend okuow
anything about it.
Sweetest, shall VIC attend the Grand Dou
br-headcd Monster Aggregation Show 10
night;'
"Ob should love to, Ceilnut but papa
will object"
what boots itf" enquir.d the gallant
Clement, drawing himself NJ, And then he
made spasmodlc movement In the direction
of his coat tails, aud sailed gracefully out
through the lace. curtained wind wv. When
he picked himself up, and orawlcd feebly
through the fence, he knc, :. " lis Utmost soul
what had booted it.
"Do you like Inc 2" astran. er asked OF
'pl ut Wu'7- II'll'l : uONSD ut was
stopping. "Wcll, yes--in spots" was the
discriminating reply.
A medical journal devotcs whole column
to explaining what caused cold perspra,ion
Any one WHO has gone up dIk alley and
stepped on dog would Lc wasting valuable
time in rcadn, it.
"Well, Ebcnczcr," SAID Ilr, Basuom, rs
her husband returned home from work last
evening, Il suppose You cast your vote at
the pole to-day with the rest Of EN- :" Yes.
my dear oval, hope you didn't cast
one o them split tickets II there's any
thin hate TO see its Il m4u tryin to strad
die on both sides O ties ATTY clothes lines
us more Illuminating than riding on d real.
Oscar Wilde is going ltoinr to write book
Fortunately we are not bound to read ii.
a printer who marie :. woman nearly
twice his avoirdupois, explained that he
could never res-! the temptation OF a fiat
take"
A man down country made his wife get
up and tackle sIine imaginary burglars, and
she did it with an upltlcl chair, while he re-
manned in bed and c-mphincd that he was
, scasick. And there are not few parallel
cases if the record could be obtained
at is always the brie.r,om's friends
says the London Queen, Who take the niti-
) alive His mother would write both to the
young lady and her mother, and little
later would invite the young lady, either
alone or accompanied by Ter parents, the
r.. i L.. -
make her acquaintance II is good 10 know
just how much the mvtl'rs-in-law have q
right to do.
!, The biggest thing III average Chicago girl
gets in her Christmas stocking is when She
! puts her stocking on.--Ee
Nantucket las girl iluI ouly Il Years old
Knows all the buoys in the sound, you can
bet. burlington Hanktye.
you dog of printer" cried the cnraged
poet, you have not pnHcluatei my poem at
all. YES, but You see, ,ir, AN not point
erin setter, rcpllei the printer.
In good old days long conc. Old lady
apropos Of why and ancient leg OF mu,ton)
Dye mean to say that ths is lamb z"
INADVERTENTLY, mum Old lady-"May
be it was once; you an! | WAS lamhs about
the same time. '-LonioR J"dy.
From the report Of ia recent Irish tra under
) the crime act Counsel Did Nou not feel
yourself warranted in administering the rites
) to him. Parish Pii"st 1hc witnt IS Yes
be was able TO take w,kcy -and-watct, and
gave it to him = Punch
Fashionable people who Lave only dresses
enough to last u Woodworking two new ones
every day-travel from )rc watering place to
another during the Sumi!'r. 1t is cheaper TO
travel than it is TO buy new clothes -Ne.p
I orleans Picdvuae.
| pa" asked little johnny, what does
the teacher mean by saying that must have
inherited my bad temper 'She meant
Johnny, that you are y@ur mothers own
: boy. - lhance.
In Deadwood church, the other day, the
, large congregation were Ievoutly kaeeling
) in prayer, when an rrcvercut Joker quite
audbly whispered, Here comes an Eastern
detective In seventeen seconds all of that
congregation except the Chief elder had slid
through the windows. lhiluitiphia Meas
"What have you that's good p said hun
cry traveller, as he seated himself at table
dhote at Salt Lake City hotl "Oh, said
the waiter, I'VE We roast lrct, roast mutton
roast pork and broiled c,lrl.ws." "Wha, s 8
curlew Z" said the traveller. WHY, bird
something like snipe. Could it ny; = YES
sir. Then don't want any ouilcw. Anything
that had wings and coIli fly and didn't
leave this country | don't want for my din
ner. "-Hotel Nal.
Even when the course Ui tue love does run
smooth, so weak and contrary is human ns
ture that the jealous swain is apt 20 plague
his mind with imaginary perlls, As the follow
ing correspondence will show His belief
III you shud desurt m. deerest mary be
ecve wood do like joiner throw miself over
bored and be swallcred by whale" Her
Lao, tai
Remember that Jonah only stayed down
short time Alligators have stronger stoIu
achs than whales. Try an alligator. -
BrO0klyn Eagle
A correspondent asks What time OF
year do the days begin 10 slorten:' When
YOU have n note in bank A note in bank is
the great annihiator OF time. The days are
crowded together in Thin layers, and the
nights are like smear t.Um a backing
brush.-ArkansaS Trarelltr
Here is Il new-at least not very old
story of Tom Marshall sad the Woodford
orator to a man whCst wife he dlsliked, Bill,
your wife is an ugly woman" We'll, re-
piled Bill blushing up, chats her privilege
Yes" replied Tom, but She abuses the prl
vlege. "-Detroh Free Pre-"
II put a secret kiss under the postage
stamp for my darling wrote a Cincinnati
man TO his girl. She dcitly removed the
stamp by steam, but found no kiss, only
some remnants of plug tobacco and u strong
odor of beer. They are not married yet and
not likely to be. philadelphia Aeos
Mr.. and Mrs Albert Edward of Wales,
England, recently gave II garden party al
Marlborough housc, At which there were 5000
people present. Just 20Hs more than were
nj the first garden party "a rccord-that at
Eden, The extraordinary progress Of the
age takes our breath away Puck.
There is good deal oi wulldly wisdom in
this old plantation swing Remember