Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1882-11-14
TIE RELIGIOUS REreRrrR

TIE RELIGIOUS REPORTRR.
A few days ago the local department,
VI an Eastern paper was terribly rushed
and 1t was found necessary to assign thu
renRious editor to a baseball match
ne watched the game through patiently
ana the next morning submitted the
following report:
"A very refreshing season of base bal
was experienced in the Capitoline Vine
yard yesterday afternoon. affordiuR ex-
ceeon2 JUNCTION to q congregation OF
Iully two thousand souls. brother Muir.
phy, OF the Brooklyn claas, first welded
the rod, even - did Moses ct the roeh
OF waters, and smitiAg the bali with
prodlRious smite was richly blessed with
sWo bases. II then became the blessed
privilege of Brother Fitzgerald to stand
forth, but despite his most fervent Of
forts, Divine Providence interfered with
foul tip, and the brother harvested
nauRht. During this season Brother
Murphy had experienced q change of
bases, garnering unto himself the third
thereof, whereat was great rejoicing,
mingled with lamentation and rendinR
OF garments among the disciples of the
conflicting tribes. At this critical point
IN the salvation of the class Brother
MalOney came among them az a physi-
cian OF souls, but the sheavss of great
rejoicing were not for him. Like Jacob
he wrestled, and like Nathan he fell,
for his adversaries were plenteous and
their wisdom that Of the serpent, foras-
much when he smOte the ball 80 that it
scared, they that were as Philistines
unto him did congre9ate around about
that the ball might not escape them,
and did hold forth each man his hands,
until their fingers in number were like
unto the lilies of the valley, and they
seized the ball and bore it thence in tn
Look here" howled the managing
editor when he had reached this pOiat,
whats all this got to do with itY''
Anything the matterF' inquired the
religious editor.
This is no way to write up base
ball match," protested the managing
editor.
"Why not?" Indignantly demanded
the religious editor. "What is the mat
ter with it? That's the way they did it,
and that's my way of doing it up"
ut sounds like the bible"
VERY we'll, any objection to ser
mons?" asked the religious editor, tart
ly, IF you don't like my style of bust
ness, you'd better send some secular cues
to the next ball game"
"Listen to this, man." said the man.
ager, reading from the account.
I'm this, the eleventh hour, Brother
Gilhooly essayed through effectual
shifting to turn back the host that beset
his brethren, and save unto Brother
Murphy the rich harvest of his frequent
exertions by welcoming him to the
haven of the homo plate. But bis enc
mics prevailed against him, so that when
the ball had been driven from him by a
mighty cast Of the bat they threw it
with marvellous directness to one of
them yea even unto him who was upon
the 6rst of the bases, and he smOte
Brother GilhoOly hip and thigh, so that
he fell, and the high priest cried out
aloud In a great voice, saying, AL
OUT"
THAT'S all consistent with the facts, {"
said the religious editor, as the man
aging editor, "but the style. See the
style! 1t sounds like the Biblev'
"Then it's the Bible you object to-"
retorted the religious editor. at isn't
the game, it's the Bible"
mo, no." protested the despairing
manager. "NOt that. / object to ap-
plying the scriptural style to such mat
tiers. Suppose reporter should write
up political meeting in that way:
"Our city was previously blessed last
evening by richly blessed and fervent
meeting Of the Mclaughlin Democrats,
Brother Jim Dunno occupied the chief
seat and availed much in bringing
perishing souls to more perfect under
standing of the grace and blessed priv
ileges of Democracy as preached by
Brother Mclaughlin. The harvest was
plenteOus, and though the mammon of
was instrumental in ex-
citing q RrievOus disturbance over the
oOntesting delegation from the First
Ward, the Lord was with His people,
and the laborers garnered b0unteously
and the reapers were richly rewarded"
"How would that sound. eh?"
THAT sounds all right" commented
tho religious editor. 'Don't see any
thing. out of the way with that-if it's
true"
"But how many Democrats would
understand it2''
"NOne, l suppose"
"And how many people who admire
base ball are going to understand your
account of that game yesterday" de-
manded the managing editor, triumph
antly.
"Of course, il you put it in that way"
replied the religious editor, scratching
his ear. "But say, I don't think can
possibly write down to the understand
ing of that glass;
"Perhaps not, and so I'll turn your
account over for the Office boy to re-
write. Now como to lunch, for want to
talk oyer report floating around that
church wars are like railroad rate bat
ties, gotten up in the interest of the
various organizations and to extract
money from the public"