Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1882-04-14
SQuIBS.

The careless man and the thief are
equally Troublesome; neither of them
ever leaves snythmg where he finds it.
six Girls" is the title of the latest
novel. 1t is expected that q sequel en-
titled Our Broken Gate" will be issued
soon.
The man who leaves dirty water in
the wash-basin gets much shorter
pair OF wings than any Of the other
angels.
just as though this country had not
been punished enough already. later
ntiiction, the banged hair young man
Is running At large.
| Counsel for priSoner-"nid YOU SO .
the prisoner at the bar knock down the
deceased ?" Pat-"No. yir honor: he
was alive when | see him Knocked
down"
\ retired pugilist, who disproves Of
the hrutallty Of the modern prize-iigEt,
has taken up his residence in Lawrence
hecause they have Pacific mills there.
4 French waiter recently charged
two American travellers 81. 80 for half 4
dozen boiled eggs; not because eggs
We're scarce, but because Americans
were.
The Unseen Hand" is the title az !
new book. Probably the other man
didn't have anything better than pair
Of trays and didn't dare to call.
The Louisville Cbwie4&.Tour4sal repre-
sents the ghost of Hamlet's father as
very much astonished 1t finding, when
he saw Anna Dickinson, that his boy
WAS a girl.
4 A man out in Peoria advertises what
ne calls the medicine fol the future
lfit is a cooling drink. il will sell well 10
the majority Of the people.
| \ Philadelphia coal dealer recently
received from prominent shoddyite,
who had been to Europe, an order for
five tons Of coal delivered Ia cart.
Why was jobs wife turned into pil-
lar Of salt?-jaa6St0wn LeadtY. There
We're, probably, Lot Of reasons; but
when did you set a Revised Old Tosta-
ment ?-Ekuoted Raihoag Jo,uac,.
Oh, yes, there is such thing as an
exhausted receiver, but this phrase
does not refer to the receiver Of de-
tunct savings bank or insurance COM
pany. You have been misinformed,
my child
/ During dearth of news in 4 West
ern newspaper office, the office cat was
damned into the job pcess. and the ed
ltor Immediately set up the following
head lines: Dreadful Accident Nine
Lives lost"
| a Peoria woman missed her husband
for three weeks before she raised any
row about il, and she might not have
said anything then il his boots had not
been drawn up in the well bucket.
The hills Of lofty endeavor aud high
achievement lie all around MS" Andso
dc some Of our brethren of tue press
when they get on the subject Of their
circulation.
/ \ LAWYER once said 10 countryman
in smock-f -frock, who was undergoing
his examination III the witness
You III smocl -ffock, how are Won
paid for lying?' LESS than You are,
unfortunately" was the reply, "or you
! would be III u smock-f -frock, too"
Il dunno y heap bout poultry, said
i old Uncle Pete when they were discus
sing the question Of the day M III the
| market, "but de sweetest chicken Iise
ever eat was drawn. II was drawn fru
de wlnder Of a chicken-house in de dark
Of de moon"
A man employed as a porter in Il
Texas hotel lifted piano not long ago,
and carried il up one flight. He got
hold Of il i'll the darkness, hy mistake,
thinking he was carrying the trunk Of
a Boston drummer
A little fellow on Arapahoe street. he
ing asked by his good Episcopal mother
what pleasure he felt like giving up
during Lent said he guessed he would
stay away from school.
There is an article going the rounds
headed WHO Kissed Away That
Tearg Well, we suppose it is as well t.
own up first as last. Ii il n mighty
mean man that wont kiss away tear.
l-Peck's Sun
Mrs. Langtry has heard Of the mock
cry attending the reception OF Mr.. o.
car Wilde, and she has a feeling of
dread when she thinks ofappearing be-
fore the American people. She need
not fear. She is not grotesque.
"a Philadelphia firm a few days ago
drew their check for 81, ,767 ,776.75." IL
is supposed the parties publish news
paper and wished to pay their editors
two weeks back salary. They must
have cut down their fcrces since last
pay day.
Two car loads of scrap iron, loaded at
Peoria, H., were found 20 consist en-
tirely Of things stolen from the railroad
company over whose line the audaeious
thieves proposed 10 ship il TO maket.
~ Exchange. II was rather ironical.
Gen. Grant has absolutely no vanity
in the matter Of dress. A stranger,
who was waiting with several others to
see him in the corridor outside his
business Office in Wall street, asked
colored porter how he should recog-
ni1e the General when he came in.
CESS yo' watch out fo' de fust gem man
dat look as eff ne nebber had his clos
brushed, and dats him." was the re-
ply.
In China man who makes or sells
adulterated food Is imprisoned or hang
ed. In this country it is the man who
buys the adulterated food who has 10
suffer. The other fellow acquires five
inches Of fat on his ribs, and is elected
to positions Of honor and trust. The
Chinese must go. Some Of their Gus.
toms are subversive Of our most cher
ishcd institutions.
The Rochester Chronicle cannot re-
member an instance where woman
ever slept during church service. Let
q man set himself TO criticising every
bonnet in the building, and what time
would he have for sleep.
'It's very curious, James," said a
fond mother 10 her son, chow the
knees Of your pants could be worn
threadbare in two weeks" James al
ways made it point to avoid telling
his parents lie whenever he got a
good chance, and as this seemed To be
that sort of occasion, he let the truth
right out: Mother, it's all Nellie San
der's fault; she wiggles 3d."
An out-of-town druggist entered a
/ Boston apothecary shop and had SIM
pie prescription put up. The charge
. was $1.50. He remarked that it was
rather dear, because. as he was drug
} gist himself, he knew the price of in
] gradients. ''That alters the case" waa
] the response; seventeen cents please
: The American palace hotel to be
built on the Thames embankment
3 London, will be nine stories high, ac-
! commodate 1900 guests, and will be