The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1882-02-18
LA CREsE DEs CHR0NIQUES.

Junior class in zoology:
Examiner-My good child, what are
quadrupeds?
Scholar-Animals with four legs.
Examiner Very good. Now name
some.
Scholar-A dog, horse, two hens
''Yes, my chlld," says the mother, ,hav-
ing concluded her fairy tale, ''there are
people in the moon just as there are on
the earth"
'But there can't be, ma.'
Indeed. and pray why can't there be,
Miss Lily?"
Because, where would they go when
the moon gets SO small you can hardly
see it?"
A gloomy gentleman enters the studio
of an artist at meat, and betakes him
self towards the remnant counter.
What will you have to-day, sir?''
asks the artist.
"Have you the heart
Yes, sir; very nice beefs heart,
here
81 meant not that" says the gloomy
man; ''have you the heart of doting
father?" and springing over the block he
fled, pursued by the cleaver.
Two huntsmen meet and compare
notes:
"Well, how many hares have you shot
this season.
"How many hares? Well, not to ex-
aggerate, say q hundred, though there
may have been few more. You, you
wicked dog, are so given to drawing the
long bow that suppose you'll be telling
me YOU have shot-onsp
s'You must find it a monstrous bore, "
says visitor to his hostess, the goddess
of renowned salon, ''to have to enter
tain so many people. How do you ever
manage to get rid of tiresome folk?"
Easily enough When 1 want to get
rid of anybody talk to him about my
self. If I wish anyone to stay, all l
have to do is to talk to him about him.
self"
A pretty woman in black passes the
window.
Looks like pretty young widow,
doesn't she? Don't you like to look at a
pretty widow? A pretty young widow is
always pleasing sight"
''Yes: so 10 lg as she isn't yours"
At popular restaurant a clumsy waiter
spills plate of soup over the overcoat
of guest Fury and desolation of the
guest.
The waiter, calmly glancing at the
clock: sit is all right. sir! Don't worry
It's 7 .45, and one soup doesn't grease
any thing after seven!''
When "Le Constitutional" was in its
glory, NJ. Grenier, it's majestic editor,
being one day troubled with I raging
tooth, rushed into the first dentists es'
his way, and sending in his card, was
promptly admitted to the operators pres.
ence.
'EHere-pull out this tooth y
"Pull out tooth ?" replied the oper.
ator, with tragic stare; ''Lever, after
have established during my long pro-
fessional and journalistic career that
tooth-tlrawing is the only science of the
ignorant. Look ut the leader in my last
| ISSUE" he continued. showing his 6xe
| journal, ''The Tooth and the Truth,
into his patrons hand. ''and sit down
and l will scientifically and satisfactorily
treat you
The business was over in two minutes
and M. Grenier produced his pocket
book.
"Oh, sir" said the dentist, with mod
esty and indignation, among journalist
I could not think of charging the editor
of an esteemed contemporary ?"
"Any Strawberries, waiter?" asks
diner in fashionable restaurant. 'Wha
are they 2"
Zone franc, sir. Well worth th'
money, too"
Bring me some.
They arc served, and with them come
the bill, on which they are charged OF;
franc each.
The guest pays, puts his change in hi
pocket and is about to depart.
BEG pardon, sir; remember th'
waiter p
81 left you franc on the table,"
81 didn't observe that"
Eyes, left you strawberry, and yo1
said it was well worth the money"
l.