Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-11-23

REPOkTS
The Keeper of the Sscre Relics re
ported that the mysterious disappear
ance of the bat worn by De Soto when
he discovered the Mississippi River,
and for three or four minutes conster.
nation was depicted on every counter
ance. 1t was then learned that Pickles
Smith had taken the hat to carry home
some carrots from the market He
WAS given such a rskiug down as few
men have ever lived through, and was
then allowed thirteen minutes in which
to gallop mile and half and return
with the sacred relic.
The Committee on Harmony report
ed that it had been unable to effect u
reconciliation between the club and the
Society Of Wise Old Heads of Cincin-
natl About six months ago this lat
ter society invited Waydown Bebee to
lecture before 1T on the subject of
aerial navigation, and after delivering
one OF the strongest orations ever
heard in that city, his pocket was
picked of Sl3 and he was hit in the
back with a watermelon. The Lime.
Kiln Club demanded, of course, an
apology and indemnity, and this being
refused, there has been anything but a
brotherly feeling since.
The Librarian reported that he had
lately received several historical works,
two volumes of poetry, three pamph-
lets on free trade aud hymn book.
The library was now open six evenings
per week, from seven to ten O'Clock,
and the average attendance for the past
month was sixty eight.
The janitor reported that he had
paid out twenty-seven cents for tin to
nail over rat-holes, and three new
cracks had appeared in the bottom OF
the stove.
The Committee on Judiciary report
cd a petition from Syracuse asking the
club to use its influence to secure ma.
tional legislation to make it penal Of
Tense for any person to deliver a
Fourth of July Grafton within two
miles of any crowd of people.
PICKLES DENIES II.
A communication from Holdfas
Higgins, of Norfolk. inquired if he
could secure an insurance policy
on the life Of his mother.in-law
by joining the club, and added that
Pickles Smith was we'll known TO him,
having once boarded in his house and
being still III debt to him for six weeks
of the highest kind of living.
Pickles denied the accusation in the
most emphatic terms. and will prob
ably bring suit for SANDER. As TO the
other matter. the secretary was in
structed to reply that the club hac
nothing to do with the insurance bust
ness, and did not care to make mem
Der of any man with such name IA
Higgins.
ABOUT Lotteries.
The secretary announced communi
cation from prominent citizens o
Frankfort, Ky, asking if the Lime
Kiln Club had any settled policy re
garding lotteries, and Brother Gardner
replied:
~ can't say dat we has. A fev
months ago, when Whalebone Hooke
drew $50 in a lottery, made up m,
mind that lotteries war good thing
, Las week, when | discovered dat de :
| had invested hadn't drawn muffin
tall, felt dat lotteries were delusior
an "A snare. Whar' you am sartin' o
DRAWN prize lottery am cooc
thing, an you naeden't feel bad fur Dc
company. Whar' you have any doubt.
about gettin' back $50 fur 81, YOU'D bet.
ter gin the money to the ole woman
to buy shoes"
NEITHER ONE
A communication from Brother
Benjamin Brewster, OF Baltimore,
stated that he was often asked whether
the Lime-Kiln club favored Gould OF
Vanderbilt IN the great financial moves
affecting the business Of the country
The president replied that the club
stood entirely neutral, and won d prob
ably remain so. All honol ,ry mem
bers reaching Detroit over the Goulc
system were allowed to ride on the
roofs of freight cars free OF charge
and those coming by the Vanderbilt
lines always found the conductors
ready TO direct them TO Paradise Hal
by the shortest route.
NO, He Won't.
A letter from Kalamazoo, signed
"Many Citiz ens," inquired II Brother
Gardner would take a presidential
nomination in 1900, and adding that i
he would six million colored citizens
would AT once begin to move in the
matter.
81 mus reply no to that questhun,
replied the old man rs he rev himsel
up an inch taller, 81 know dat a pres
ident am a sort o figger head who has
muffin to do but sign few papers an
walk aroun' wild his hands under his
coat-tail pockets, an j have no doubt
dat any member Of dis club am per
feckly qualified; bat ne doan want de
off, Washington am too unhealthy,
an it am not such place as we want
to bring up our chll'en IN"
81 desire TO observe" began tho Rev
Penstock "a he unlinked HIMSELF
desire TO observe dat in case"
"Brudder Penstock, am dar mo
shum befo' de house?' demanded the
President.
mo, sal"
Am dar a resolution hanging fireY
"No. sab"