South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-03-17
" 1T an u II u ne or.

necessary words in giving his orders
AMI asked to be excused.
Swear him in, Mr.. Clerk
What is your excuse p
1 have got tue itch; am itching
now
Mr.. Clerk, scratch him..
Whereupon the clerk scratched bis
name from the list.
When the juror returned TO his store
ne salt he never spoke trucr ia hislife
than when he sail he was itching, 'ror,'
said he, Il was itching; but it was to
get back to my bushes Legal News.
A good story is told Of Gen. But
LER's sarcastic retort upon Massachu.
sets Judge whom he was teasing for q
ruling favorable to cause he was de-
Tending in court. The Judge got out OF
patience a. last, and somewhat tartly
exclaimed, Mr.. Batter, what DO Won
think sit here for p The General
quietly shrugged his shoulders, and re.
Piled, The court has got me now 2
john Rouse, why will thee DO so ?
said new Bedford Quaker to JOHNNY
Rouse, negro IN his employ whom he
found before magistrate, aud tina, not
Tor the first time, charged with stealing.
Why Will thee do SO, thou foolish man?
Thee always gets cangh..' Why, Mas
81 Hazard said Johnny, Il don't get
caught half de time
The other morning as the express
train to San Jose was sl4mming along
past San Nateo, with both valves wide
open, the figure OF n man was seen way.
ing red shirt about half mile MP the
track. The engiae was reversed, the
brakes were whis,led down, and with
tremendous effort the train was stoppcd
just as il reacled the mau.
While JouS JAsrpn was DELIVERING
his famous sermon on the Sun do
Move Northern brother arose and
said: Mr.. Speaker, would like to
ask you question: Ask on, replied
John. We'll, sir, you say the sun rises
and sets; tell Us where it goes to-
Quick as thought, Bro. Jasper answered;
Turn to Ecclesiastes. first chapter
fifth verse, and there you will read;
The sun arseth and the sun eoeth
down and h0steth 20 the place where he
arose The audience laughed, aud that
Northern brother has never asked JOHN
Y i
Herald.
what's the matter Z? shouted tho
conductor, running forward.
Is this the lishlaing express to San
jose ? asked the stranger, earnestly.
Yes, yes! OF course it -, said the
ticI1et'puncher, while the passengers
came crowding up with white faces.
That's right, said The man, pocket
ms bis flannel and bracing up for a
grand break Always tell the truth.
aud people will respect you
And before even tho engin or could
seize hunk OF coal, Le had hundred
yards staitto lie winJward, with . fresl.
breeze on his beam.
-Webstcr was VIGOROUSLY careless
about money. hHer continue provo.
cation, he once wrote q letter to tho cd
i.o' Of newspaper which referred to !
lis private affairs aud especially TO his |
not paying bis debts: II ia true that
/ have not always paid my debts pune |
taally, and that | one money One |
cause Of this is, that have not pressed I
those who Owe me, for payment As
an instance OF tbia, enclose your faith. /
er's note, made to mo thirty years ago. /
for money lent him to educate ii,
boys.
--'SlY, boy 2 called n woman 20
barcfoo. iad aud admonish;nalv shaE.
iDs lorcdneer, what arc you throwing .
water on THAT ca. fur2' The watcr
won hur, Che ca"9 far?' replied the
youth, ami the woman. whose eratama-
was ralrte' said she dida't woa. any /.
Of his 5sss.
Mrs. S ga | should Ike Co know
whose ferry boats these GO lumL'al /.
over in 'ae ua'lT Very BOATS 8aaam. I
sir? Those are my shoes. VERY 90.
I..e Of SON TO aaI. them nr., 1,a.. i|
dda't y ferry 1oHs, Hrs. sou 1
mlsau@sItocd me--fa'ry boots, sa.I'
uy deer friends
Las, summer She w.7 eating green 1