Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-12-23
$l.O0 PER ANNUM.

ponce anu GitlSeu SUCH Itchct tuht the
neighbors were aroused. 1t was found
that the robber had opened the front
door with false key, but had been driven
away before he had time to secure any
plunder
" I've ids+sse tired of poking around
for burglars when there are no burglars"
exclaimed the man as he waved the crowd
out of the hail. land if THIS chap had
only stopped long enough to firssat me
couple of times hanged if / wouldn Il -
bought him a new overcoat r'-Detr0t
Free Press.
LEG ON TEAR.
Major Todd of our place, says the
Bangor Messenger, lost his right leg at
the battle of fredericksburg, and some
time ago he purchased an artificial leg
from a man in Washington. 1t contained
a system of springs, which enabled the
major to use it in such natural manner
that when he was walking along the
street nobody would for moment sup
pose that he had not both of his own
legs.
One Sunday, while the major was ON
his way to church, he slipped upon the
ice and gave the store leg n severe
wrench. He must have dislocated some
of the springs, for after reaching the
church and taking his 1eat, and while the
clergyman reading the Scriptures,
the leg suddenly flew up and rested on
the back of the seat in front of him. The
congregation looked at him in amaze
ment. and he looked very red in the face.
As soon as he took it down it jumped up
again and wiggled about ON the back of
the pew, finally kicking Mrs. Thomson's
bonnet to rags. Then the major SUD-
pressed it again, and held it down, but
it instantly began convulslve move
ment in his own pew, during which it
upset the stools, plunged around among
the hymn books and hats, and hammered
the board beneath the seat until 1t made
such n racket that the minister had to
stop. The sexton rushed in to find out
what was the matter, and the major, after
explaining Il e difficulty in a whisper,
asked the sexton to let him lean ON him
while he charged on the front door. AS
soon as the major got into the aisle that
dislocated leg kicked the sexton sixteen
or seventeen times in n most lnsolent
manner, varying the exercises by making
eccentric swoops off to one side. during
which it kicked eight of the high hats at
the pew doors into black silk chaos.
Bv the time the major reached the
vestibule. the leg had become perfectly
reckless. 1t flew up before and it flew
up behind 1t butted against the good
leg and darted out sidewise and de-
scribed circles, and tri' d to insert Its
toes in the majors cOat-tail pockets, and
TO whack him on the nose. When the
sexton came with the hack and pat the
major in it. the leg banged through the
window-glass, and when the driver got
down to see about it, the leg brandished
itself in his face, and concluded the ex-
ercise by planting a terrible blow III his
stomach.
Then the major told the driver that he
would give him ten dollars to take the
LEG off. and the driver accepted the offer.
For several minutes it eluded all his eff
forts to catch it as it danced about, but
finally he got hold of it and hung on
while the major tried to unbuckle the
straps.
Then it came off and rolled the driver
in the mud
He got up to watch it. 1t writhed and
kicked and jumped and throbbed and
hoped, and whenever it would make
dash to one side or the other the crowd
would scatter III order to give it full
play.
Finally Ben Woolley set his dog on it,
and most exciting contest ensued, the
leg two or three times running off with
the dog, and it seemed likely that the
dog would get whipped.
Mr.. Woollsy got a crowbar and aimed
blow at the leg with the intent to
smash it. But he missed it, and nearly
killed the dog. As soon as the dog re
tired. Mr.. Woolley whacked it again and
burst it into flinders, and then there was
peace. The major drove home and got
his crutches, and since then he has con-
fined himself to the use of wooden leg
without springs.
NEARLY A BLUFF.