davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
An irish Millionaire.
Youths Companion.

Last month millionaire died in Ire
land and left his millions behind him
for the lawyers and his heirs to divide
among themselves.
The departed millionaire was not d
"bloated aristocrat" orr blood sucking"
landlord. IL "landlordism" lad been
abolished during his lifetime, it would
not have affected him, for he ministered
to human desire which has survived
all revolutions, and which will survive
all future changes, except radical i'm.
provement in human nature itself
Millionaire as be was, he was never
waylaid by the roadside; or shot at from
behind a haystack; or boycotted; or
placarded; or hooted at at public meet.
ing. No threatening letters disturbed
the peace Of his abode, and he enjoyed
the consciousness of being popular as
well as a distinguished parsonage. His
name figured in subscription papers, and
he was praised for the frugality of his
personal habits.
Even the amount of his fortune was
not exaggerated. His estate proved to
be as large as it was supposed to he. He
died worth fifteen millions of dollars, all
made in Cork, the metropolis of povertys
one of the titles in Europe which stand
as the type Of squalor and destitution. >
All his money, we repeat, was made in
Cork; but it was not invested in Cork: it
did not stay in Cork, nor much of it in
Ireland. Itdid not found Irish factories
nor build Irish houses, nor drain Irish
swampe nor send TO sea Irish ships.
Four of this mans milliors we're inyast.
ed In the English public funds; one mil
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
The American Journalist In England.

Mr.. Franc B. Wilkie, of the Times ol
this city, in his speech at the recent
Press Banquet got off the following good
thing ahoa' tie fresh American journal
ist abroad:
"Ah, it is dreadfully chilly over there
for the American journalist! Their ap-
probation of the American journalist
seems to be enveloped by fog as dense,
as cold, as disagreeabla, as that which
broods over the metropolis.
He is discouraged at every step. When
he announces that he ia connected with
the Buliring, he is disgusted by having
to explain-first, that the Bldlrin0 is a
newspaper Ilaughterl; second, that is a
daily newspaper; third, that Chicago or
New York the place of publication, is a
city; and fourth that Chicago or New
York is not situated off the coast of
South Africa, but in the States"
Laughter By the time the American
journalist has explained these details a
few hundred times and especially alter
having gone to the trouble to explain
them iu his best and most eflusive style
he finds that h. hasn't succeeded in Gre
ating anything like panic, he concludes
that the Britons are a cold, stolid, unim-
pressive people; and thereupon proceeds
to give them h h-h-Iiail Columbia in
his earlier letters. Laughter But
even these forcible denunciations, al
though based on righteous Indignation
and fortified by all that intricate knowl-
edge of the world possessed by the
American jcurna ist just fresh from some
prairie metropolis, do not seem TO get
hind hedges over in the SISTER Ile;"
and all this despite his presence and his
terrific condemnation of the effete, cor
rupt and deplorable condition of the
English nation. Great laughter.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22

tached TO flexible wires and taken into
the most confined corner TO give light to
Q workman, without danger of fire. II
would fill q volume to state ut length all
the practical advantages which this de-
velopment of electricity has opened up
already, and mere than volume to state
all that 1t may be expected yet to accom-.
plish. Let IL also be understood that
while the foregoing illustrations have
been stated in relation to water power,
they are equally true for the other pow
er, such as steam engine, gas engine,
horse power, or human labor. The fixed
engine on . farm can do the plowing
hundreds of yards of The gas engine
that pumps water by day can light the
house at night. The horses that drag
coal carts for many miles to work =
steam engine in some outlying place, can
be used ut home instead 10 work an elec.
trio machine, with no loss Of time and
in many cases with less waste of labor.
The convicts on treadmill can be doing
work by IL at any part OF, or even out
side. the prison. In word, the power
for work can be generated by any ordin-
ary means, and at any place where the
means exist, and can be economically
conveyed TO the spot where 1t is to be
usefullv applied without loss of time and
practically in full strength. The tide on
the shore can do work inland; the stream
In the mountain gorge can do work on
the hilltop; the windmill on the emin-
ence can do work in the valley; the
horse In the yard or the man in the out.
house can do work inside the dwelling
And with all its power, and its univer.
salty Of application, this new servant
which science has supplied us with is the
msst docile of menials. A touch of q
lady's finger will bring into action q
power which thousand men could moi
resist; another touch will stop its action
or reverse it In a moment.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22

lion in our American bonds; and he had
great Jumps OF property in other places
where they would do the estate the
most good. no
And with all this he remained to the
day of his death a popular man in Ire
land, and no one seemed to see anything
improper or irregular in his possessing
40 vast fortune in the midst OF such dis
tressing poverty. Why was thisf -.
The millionaire of whom We are writ
ing all these strange things was Francis
Wise, the noted whisky y-distiller OF Cork
whose distillery was to fair Ireland wha
a cancer is on the face OF q beautifu
woman.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22

ance, he not having time to cast up his
columns for totals, knowing the Prooi
reader is bound to fix them up. There
is also the country correspondents, the
Young poet, the scientist and the I'M
guistical Smart Aleck, who can't write
five lines without scattering bits OF Latln,
French, Spanish, etc, to show that ne
has been there. Ii matters not whether
he gets bis foreign words in right or not.
the proof reader must scratch around and
get ever, thing right somehow, or the
next day will hear from the powers In
the sanctum. In fact, to be a success,
the proof reader must be an animated
encyclopedia, with the patience OF Job
and the endurance of adamant--but he
is not, and hence his troubles"
well, papa, he has plenty of time to
fix everything and correct all the mis-
takes of the writer's and printers, has he
not?"
"Oh, yes. That is, taking an article
which has required the author hall
day to write, the proof reader has about
twenty minutes in which to correct II
and put in shape, with the foreman bob
bing around like hen on hot ashes
hurrying things up, calling for this and
that matter, and crying out: Whats
the matter with that proof Hurry it up
or it'll be left out"
"Well, the proof reader must be wei
paid for all that hard work and vexation
isn't he?"
"Oh, certainly. In some offices h'
gets as much as $l2 week and in som'
he gets more. AT o'clock in the morn
ing he goes home with his head buzzini
like beehive, and feeling like frtigh
train had run over him; then the mex
day he goes down to the Office trying t
feel resigned in expectation of the g. Il
(which means the grand bounce), fo
failing to properly edit some fellows ho
wash. But he doesn't live long, and hi
martyrdom on earth secures hlm a sol
place in the next world. Let's take
street car and go home.".
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
Why He Didn't Marry Her.

$50 you're not going TO marry Ezra
Haskin's daughter, though you know
my heart is set on that match" thun-
dered Sir Marmaduke, the dairy king, to
his son, Lem Norton, the ox-tamer of
Yellow Springs.
mo, sir" meekly replied the young
man.
And, sir" roared the exasperated
father, may ask why you dare thus to
thwart my expressed wiil?"
Yes sir said his son, in low faint
voice, like joke before breakfast. BE
cause | asked her, and she said she
would rather marry a punplog for
brains than anybody in this family"
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
Improving the Figure.

The proportion of my sex with
slight curvature OF the spine, one shoul-
der or hip higher than the other, or
some other irregularity, is 80 great, that
my dressmaker will tell you, says New
York letter, that few dresses have two
sides exactly alike in shape. On this
basis of fact an enterprising woman has
undertaken to build up a businessmen
by padding and pressing 10 force sym-
metry, but on the theory that gymnas-
tics will remedy the fsu.t if properly
employed. She has opened a small pri-
vate gymnasium, in which Eight Indian
clubs, dumb bells, trapezes, ladders and
other appliances for exercise are pro-
vided. The candidate for shaping is first
examined, in order to determiae e exactly
her departures from true grace and ac-
curacy. Then the kind of exercise to
develop the lacking spot is prescribed.
If one hip is out Of plumb, swinging from
the trapeze by thelegs, accompanied by q
swaying from side TO side, is recon-
mended. IL round shoulders are the
blemish, club swinging and hanging by
the hands from rings are the proper exer-
clses. Hsw much real Improvement can
thus be accomplished I do not know,
but / have no doubt il is considerable.
The exercise is good, at least; and it
would be wise for every girl or woman to
swing light pair of Indian clubs in her
room on getting ont of bed in the morn
ing, before putting on any clothes TO in
terfere with the free movement Of the
arms and shoulders. This practice is
coming into vogue little, hut nowhere
near az fast as il ouyht TO. Let any Wig
orous young woman try it, and find how
good it feels TO get herself in glow and
expansion, and she will continue It II
she has half an ounce OF vim. After
getting into perspiration, flop into
bath tub full Of warm water, rub your
self dry with a coarse tow.l, and there
you are for day free from headache and
assitude.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
Romance Of the Camera.

An interesting tale, with variety OF
the most pointed morals, is told Of a
Brooklyn belle and her faithful admirer.
Last year the lady in question and her
mother were among the boarders at one
of the large hotels at Ashbury park, and
among the regular Saturday nighters''
was friend Of the family-and especi-
ally OF its younger rmember-about whose
punctual habits and wrapt devotion no
doubt was permitted to exist. Never a
Sunday passed that WAS not spent in the
young lady's company and pair of un.
comfortably tight patent leather boots
upon the sloping sands of the beach;
while as the sun retired behind the
western hills the young people would sit
beneath the scrawny branches of a dys-
peptic seaside cedar to watch the play of
the ripping waves or the sails of the
seaward going ships. On such occasions,
too, il may be imagined, words OF love
were whispered to the accompaniment
Of the mosquitoes musical hum. Thus
the summer passed away till the season
closed, and the young lady returned to
her residence on "the HILL" where her
admirer could enjoy the rapturous
charms OF her society much more fire.
quently and at much smaller expense.
Of this advantage he did not fail to
avail himself, and all pent merrily un-
til recently the young man was informed
that photographer at Philadelphia
possessed, and, indeed, had put on ex.
hibition, an interesting photograph Of
himself (the y. m and the lady sitting
on the sad sea sands, backed by halo Of
Japanese umbrella. This information
being also conveyed TO the young lady
she was greatly concerned, as she too
had a vivid remembrance Of the photo
grapher's green van. Acting as her
guardian or brother would have done un-
der the circumstances, the young man
induced the Philadelphian artist
through the use Of good deal of laugh
ter'-to destroy the negative and send
him the pictures. With the precious
pictures in his possession he hastened 10
the young lady's presence, and on being
nshered into her presence announced
his success by waving the package aloft
and crying, "Eureka,' or words to tha,
effect. After congratulations had been
exchanged between them, the gas was
turned up and the package opened, the
young lady being anxious to see that
the photographer had kept faith with
them. The young man took out the
pictures
There was hoarse and utterly irrele.
want remark, shrill scream, the crunch
Of crumpling tin. and the slam of ves.
tibule door.
It was the young lady 3 picture, bu { the
arm laid trustfully about her canvas belt
was not his arm.
The picture had been taken on a week
day,
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
Eating Before Sleeping.

New York Journal Of Commerce
Man is the only animal that can be
taught 10 sleep quietly on an empty
stomach. The brute creation resent all
efforts TO coax them to such q violation
of the laws of nature The lion roars in
the forest, until he has found his prey
and when he has devoured it he sleep:
over until he needs another meal. The
horse will paw all night in the stable
and the pig will sqeal In the pen, reius
ing all rest or sleep until they are fed
The animals which chew the cud have
their own provisions for late meal just
before dropping of to tteir nightly slum'
bers.
Man can train himself to the habit Of
sleeping without q preceding meal, but
only after long years OF practice. As he
comes into the world nature is too strong
for him, and he must be fed before he
will sleep. A child's stomach is small
and when perfectly filed, if no sicknee.
disturbs it, sleep follows naturally and
inevitably. As digestion goes on, the
stomach begins to empty. A single fold
In 1t will make the little sleeper restless
two will waken it; and if it is hushed
again TO repose the nap is short, and
three folds put an end to the slumber
Paregoric or other narcotic msy close it,
eyes again. but without either food oI
some stupefying drugit will not sleep, nc
matter how healthy it may be. Not
even an angel who learned the art o
minstrelsy in celestial choir can sinl
babe to sleep upon an empty stomach
We use the oft-quoted illustration
sleeping as sweetly rs an infant" be
cause this slumber Of child follows i'm
mediately after its stomach is complete
ly filed with wholesome food. The sleeT
which comes to adults long hours afteI
partaking of food. and when the stomach
Is nearly or quite empty, is not after the
type Of infantile repose. There is al
the difference in the world between tn,
sleep of refreshment and the sleep OF OK
haustion.
To sleep we'll blood that swells thu
veins in the head during our busy hour.
must flow back, leaving q greatly dimin
ished volume behind the brow that late
ly throbbed with such vehenence. T,
digest well, this blood is needed at tn,
stomach. and nearer the fountains of life
II is fact established beyond the possi
bility Of contradiction that sleep aids thii
digestion, and that the process of diges
ton is conducive to refreshing sleep.
needs no argument to convince us of thil
mutual relation. The drowsiness which
always follows the well-ordered meal il
itself q testimony o! nature to this inter
dependence.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
~Diti SheDfeYs,

NO; she fingered and suffered along
Pining away all the time, for years, thu
.doctoFs doing her no good; and at las
was cnred By this Hop Bittsrs the pa
.Ee1 ~ 70 much about Indeed! In.
seG hvv thankfnl we should Be 70.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
Ths Crsation u Electric Forces.
Blackwood's Haeaxiue

4 whater-wheel. by being employed to
eeesFafe electricity, may light our rooms,
cook our dinner, and ripen our peaches.
We can have light from it by which we
can work = easily at hight as in the day
- U.e which viii neither consume our
- ! ~ ~ vifia1e Il With foul eases,
I >. q - eqtllnap and destssy our
- - - % u0shine
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22

The tide of immigration from Europe
to this country viii, it IL believed, ex-
ceed this year even the heavy figures Oh
1881.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22

A New YoRK hack-driver got 5000
damages Of an IL" road. His wagon
was upset in hole left uncovered BY the
company's agent.
The Osceola times., 1882-04-22

TsE man who eivcs his son inexre,.
ave tastes has already given him . Tor.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06

woman, "you to had better leave my
service, Miss Nottingham. Pm sure
beg your pardon, Mrs. Truelitt; but il
you could but know the lazincss, the
treachery and the ingrattudc of the
creatures that have to deal with"
"Pray don't excite yourself" inter.
posed Mrs. Trueftt, coldly. Here is
my address, child" scribbling IA few
words on Il leaf of her note book and
handing it to Flora. "Come to me this
afternoon, and VIC will see what can be
done"
And so she went away, leaving the
yellow satin dress on Madame Fontani's
hands.
"Don't come to Inc for recommcn-
dation," said the drcssmaker, i'll blind
rage.
And Flora didn't.
But that was how Flora Nottingham
oarno to leave the great, grinding city,
where the poor are borne. down fn
the very ground, and go TO Mrs. True
titts aunt, smiling, kindly old lady,
who kept fancy store in one Of the
several New England villages, where
double rows of naples shaded the
streets, and the scent of the honey suclilc
fills the air. To the poor child this at
mospherc of peace and quietncss was
like a foretastc of heaven itself.
And old Miss Iledgclcy was equally
pleased with her new shop-girl.
"My dear" she said to Flora one
evening after half an hours meditation
in the purple July twilight, edo you
know what | am thinking oi?'
mo, Miss TIedgcley," said the girl
laughing.
"Of adopting you, Flora, as my own
child"
ooh, Miss ucdgelcyl" faltered Flora.
elf you dont marry. | mean" tho
Flora bushes bright soft pink.
al shall never marry, Miss Hedge
ley" said she.
"Tm not so sure about that" said
Miss lIcdgcley, as she thought of the
number of visits that Mr.. Pattison, the
new minister, had considered it Heccs-
sary TO make TO her domicilc Of late.
''Bnt nyhow, my dear, hope you
won't 20 away very far from me-"
And ont of the fullncss of her heart
Flora speaks.
"Oh, Miss Hedgeley, never knew
what true happiness was until | knew
YOU"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06
The MO:her.in.Law's Kiss.

Spcak.n- Of hAclcn, kinds OF kissing
goodbye, "a Nashville correspondent OF
the L,ui-vi,le Couricr-Jou unal, sals;
But we have ali other kinds, from the
lalher gagging and lolly-popping be-
tween the country hnmpkin and his gal,
to that most dclicaia aud refined osoula-
ton which merely sips honey drop
from the lips of his faiihless fair one, and
bushes and jumps overheard with
wave of his hand Then came the
mother-in.law's Kiss This comes at
rare intervals, Of course; so rare that a
sight, TO say nothing of a taste Gf there
is any taste lo iD, is worth remember
| ing. saw him kiss his beautiful wife
| (for all wives are beautifully. and his
sister, aud then draw near his mother
in-law like q martyr made ready to
hand. She approached her affecticnate
son Ga son according to the statutes in
such cases made and providedD, and as
she did So, she bowed her scrawny
neck, twisted her mouth as far round to
the right side of her head as she could
get 1t, puckcrod her lips, put on the
agony OF one who is about to have a
tooth pulled, turned the of side of her
head TO the always dutiful son-in-law
who planted something between a
snap and snarl just behind her lett car.
This is a literal description of the
mother-iE-law kiss. If she had been
doomed to burn at the stake, or bite q
caterpiller in two, she couldn't have
made an uglier face. Such is life among
the semi-ciyilized.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06

TUTC d ADED may he found on me nt tien
LnlD L AK En- =. itowel & Cos Newspaper
Advertising Bureau OSpruce ST where advertising
contracts mny 10 made for II I'm NEW York.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06
One Can't Excel In Everything.

Ideals of exccllenccs, if not cXcollcn.
COS themselves, are So graduated as to
fit the different orders of mind il
which they take their rise. Greatness
is not positive qualify, it is simply a
relative attribute.
The man who has never succeeded in
ensnaring single "speckled beauty
from, so,co ...~-4.----- ..s",
truthfully boast of his eminent success
in catching scu'pins.
The man who cannot sing may yet
have e voice peculiarly adapted to
crying clans, oranges or charcoal.
lie who is no dancer may be good at
hitch-and-kick or shiny
The man who was not born to COM
mand, to set squadron in the field,
may surpass all his acquaintances in
the uniting devotion he cvinccs in
the coloring of his meersbaum.
The boy who is ever at the foot OF
his class may still be an expert ON the
formation and propulsion OF spitballs.
The Fad who is not pronounced
vAv,ncnt dt mumplc peg and taw.
The woman who cannot make a loaf
frills and turbclows.
She who cannot play the simplest air
on the washboard may execute the
most difficult themes upon the piano
| forte.
She who cannot darn stocking
may be the envy Of her circle for her
skill and taste in worsied work, in
marrying sky blue dogs TO pink back
ground.
The mother who cannot command
the respect of her children may vet be
fawned upon by half a score of male
bipeds without spot on their dainty
| linen or an idea in their heads.
The son who never does a stroke o
work at home may be snperlaiivelI
active in the bowling alley or billiard
room.
The girl who cannot sew may chew
gum with tireless jaw.
A great singer may not be able Il
smoke the mildest of cigars withou
turning pale.
A general who has led armies on Il
victory may be surpassed in proianit
by the raggedest street boy in the city
: The hand that has penned the divin
est poetry may be clownishly awkwar
with the billiard cue.
The man who is capable of organiI
l ing and carrying forward gigantic bus
mess enterprises may be easily ont
c done at caucus management by tn
= shabbiest politician of his ward.
+ The artist who gives birth 10 sue
| exquisite creations may not be able
tic his neck cloth nearly SO well I
. Augustus, who in his turn can do noli
+ ing se.-[ Boston Transcript.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06
A Seaside Idyl.

Where the summer breezcs mngle
Perfumes with the laden air,
And the honey sucklc blossoms
spread their fragrance everywhere
Just within the broad vcranda,
In shady, cool retreat,
Lay our hero, Dick, reclining,
Ennuicd, o'crcomc with heat.
llarkl step upon the carpet,
"Coming hcrci By Jovc, it's Lu,
Happy thought I'll fcign slumbcr,
Just to see what she will do"
And his cyclids then descended
O'cr his laughing hazel eyes,
And with blissful expectation
There he waited for the prize.
Nearer, nearer came the footsteps,
Lightly rs n iairy's tend,
While within his wicked ambush
Richard waited for the end
softly they approached the sofa,
surely he it is they seek;
And, surprised aud ioycd. he fclta
Timid kiss upon his chccki
Up he sprang with artlor then,
And with loves own burning passion,
Claspcd-his faithful pointer, Bent
tlaspcd him with delicious triumph,
Pressed him londly to his breast.
Then with madness gazcd upon him
We'll, we viii omit the rest
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-06
For the Register
Electrician vs.. A Lump of a Coal.

You little black lump of old sunshinel
How long will you laugh us to scorn,
For the zines and cnrbona, and acids and jars,
That have vcNod us e'cr since we were bOrni
Why should not laugh at pale, puny zines?
can. lick 'cm ten times my own weight
And Jars for acid to dose the sick thingsl
You arc carting them in by the cratc
Cold water Americans brag of plain fare,
And muscles made strong very soon.
But leave out II and give me the o,
And I'll toss them all on to the moon
But am frco.born and 20 as please,
And the steam engine man must fail
Why, tho force that he gets from his pcttct
machine
l. only a wag Of my tail
Oh, little hcrculcan mimicl
Though the steam engine man may lai,
Wen conquer You, bind you, and put You iC
work
Nausht free hut the wag of your tail