Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-01-12
THE MINISTER OF MARINE.
The American Sir Joseph Inspecting the Alleged
Nayee.

Nayee.
''And is this a ship?n asked the secre-
tary of the Rarine at the navy yard
II have heard of ships from my youth
up, and have long desired TO see one
Pray, do they float? Which end goes
first? Why not have one stick instead
of three sticking out of the decks? Why
is not that stick upright ike the rest?''
asked the secretary of the navy of the
commandant of the navy yard, point
ing to the bowsprit.
THAT is the bowsprit, said the COM
mandant. ''Bowsprits never stick up.
They are meek and lowly in all their
ways"
''What are these holes for?' asked the
secretary, pointing to the open hatch
ways. why have you made such
deep excavations in the vessel??n
"The ship is built around these holes,
said the commandment, ssbut they extend
no farther than the water. If they did
the ship would sink.
''Were you ever in a storm at sea?''
asked the secretary of the commandment
''Only once, replied the comman-
dant. 1T was typhoon in longitude
81 oft the equator. We were blown
clean out of the water twice, and spun
for miles through the air like balloon.
shall never forget the terrible appear
ance of the sky as we looked down upon
it from the clouds. We got down safely
to water at last and tied the ship to a
water spout. 1t was terrible time
''Deary, deary me-" said the secre-
tary, show interesting. And you lived
- oil
But let me inquire first, is the capstan
of vessel equal in rank to the captain?n
I'm ordinary times" said the COM
mandant, 1.-THE captain outranks the
capstan. But the capstan always takes
command of the ship when the anchor
is weighed"
Indeed, y replied the secretary. but
where is your fourth castle? | do not
behold any castle on board at all. -
Fourth castle. Fourth castle! What
do you mean, secretary?'' asked the
amazed commandant.
'Why, in all sea tales I've read of the
fourth CASTLE" said the secretary.
"Oh, you mean the 'fokestle,'" said
the commandant.
1.-The what?'' said the mystified secre-
tary.
''Fokestle, fokestle-place where the
crew live. Down there said the COM
mandant
"Why, it's hole, said the secretary.
Captain, do not approve of your
keeping your men in such dark, damp
cellars. They'll catch the rheumatic
''And do the sailors really climb up
there" asked the secretary, pointing |
oil off l. y
How perilous.'
"They do replied the commandment.
81 must improve ON that said the |
secretary. II will introduce a great
reform in the service | will save the
life of many a gallant tar. Let all the
masts be provided with hydraulic ele-
vators.''
1T shall be done" said the comman-
dant.
''Call the officer of the watch,'' sud
denly demanded the secretary; then
remarking in an aside: I'm show him
that | know something about ships"
The officer appears.
Officer" said the secretary, ''show
us your watches. Iwant to see if they re
all in good order
"Sir, the Watches were all sent on
shore this morning to be cleaned" re-
piled the officer of the watch
That's pretty work. growled the sec
rotary. "Why, where's the ships
ieweler? How do you suppose you
would have the correct time if you were
to keep an engagement with an enemy?'
I'VE should take the sun previously"
replied the officer OF the watch.
II do not wish you to take the SUM-
Numbered the secretary. Il will not
allow the Sun to be taken on this or any
other United States vessel. You do not
need the Sun. 1t is n villainous, vicious
and edited with a cer-
tain amount of Satanic ability, | admit,
but demorahzing to the correct discip-
line of the navy. If you desire to take
take the Evening Post or the
Philadelphia Ledger. Take good,
heavy paper that will serve to ballast
both the ship and your minds. Well,
sir, If YOU have no watches ON board,
show us your clocks. You are officer
of the clocks as well as the watches, are
you notP'
AYE, aye, sirn' said the officer of the
watch.
Il! !. What in the world makes you
50 egotistical in expressing yourself?
Why don't you say yes, sir, ike white
man?' said the secretary.
Eyes, sir. But am sorry to say that
it was necessary to reef the pendulums
of all our clocks during the last gale,
and they've not been shaken out vet"
"And what's all that banging for?n
said the secretary. is it naval en-
gagement?'
1--WE are firing the customary salute
of nineteen guns in your honor" said
the commandment.
80, you are, are you. Are there bull
lets in any of EN-? Are they pointed
this way2 | don't like it. 1t makes me
nervous. | shall have that practice
stopped. Commandment, after this fire
anvils or toy pistols, and save powder.
Dear me, if Chester would only let me
stay, how cheap / could run our navy.
| would abolish the ships altogether.
We've got hardly any now, and so far
as those are concerned that we have,
we might as well have none at all.
Good morning, commandant. '-Ncw
York Graphic.
Kerosene for Posts.