River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-11-23
RIVER FALLS JOURNAL
R1rER FAILS, WIS, Nov. %, 1882.
FLIES.
A Bran-New Theory.
To TTarx,ar,a ns1ar1


Scientific persons are always invent
ing new theories to account for all sorts
of things. For example, there is Prof
Smiths theory of cats, according to
which cats fondness for the back
fence is due to the fact that nature de-
signed the animal TO sit on the ridge
pole of houses, and that in our cities,
where the roofs are nearly all fiat, the
back fence offers the best attainable
substitute for the ridge-pole. There is
also Prof Browns theory that mos
quitoes do not exist, and that it is dis
ease of the nerves which makes us
imagine that we see and feel something
which we call mosquitoes. The latest
and most interesting of scientific theo-
ries is Prof. Simmons theory of flies.
This eminent Chicago scientific person
believes that flies exist all times of the
year in vast quantities in the atmosphere
at distance of mile and seven-eighths
from the surface of the earth, and are
driven to the earth by any conclusion
of the air, such as is produced by a
thunderstorm or by the discharge of
artillery.
In support of this theory Prof. Sim
mons brings forward several plausible
illustrations. He reminds us that we
have had hardly any thunder-storms in
the Northern States until since the be-
ginning of July, and until that time
there was scarcely fly visible During
the entire months of May and June,
when, aasng to precedent, our homes
shoufd have swarmed with flies, we en-
loved marked and universal exemption
from them. Even in houses where the
most-alluring fy-paper was displayed
not single fly was caught, and both
the wonderful harmony which prevailed
among politicians, and was erroneously
attributed to the impression produced
by the murder of Garfield and the I'M
exampled decrease of business In our
divorce courts, were, In Prof Simmons
opinion, due to the dearth of flies.
The Professor calls attention to the
fact that the flies suddenly arrived in in
Vulnerable quantities the day after the
bombardment of Alexandria. AS Is
well known, the heaviest guns Of the
British navy were fired for several con-
secutive hours during this lombard
ment, and were answered by the less
heavy but still enormous guns of the
Egyptian forts The din was tremen-
dous, and had heavy shower fallen
Immediately after the bombardment
ceased those persons who believe that
Q heavy artillery fire always produces
rain would have exclaimed that their
theory was justified. Prof. Sim.
mons seems to have an equal right to
cite the bombardment as an illustration
of his particular theory. Flies certainly
did appear for the first time this sum-
mer the day after the bombardment,
and the Professor is perfectly certain
that they were brought down from the
upper regions of the atmosphere by
conclusion.
So long as this theory remains moth
ing but theory it can do no harm, but
its learned inventor ought to be made
to understand that there are some things
which an intelligent public will not toll
crate. He is now engaged in an effort
to induce Congress to lend him bat
tery of heavy guns, and to make an APP
preparation to defray the expenses of
bombarding the heavens, in order to
produce a shower of flies. No man,
however learned he may be, and how
ever estimable may be his general char
acter, can engage in the work of produc-
ing flies and live We have all the flies
that are needed-all in fact that we can
possibly endure, and the man who at
tempts to add to their number by firing
cannon will be Justly blown from the
mouth of one of his own guns by an in
furiated and alarmed people.
Without venturing to pronounce upon
II E.1 - NO.
theory of flies, it may be suggested that
the existence of bald-headed men may
account for flies in a perfectly satisfact-
DRY way Look for a moment at the
facts. If bald-headed man is exposed
for one hour in room with five per-
sons possessing a decent amount of
hair, and in region where flies abound,
more flies will cluster on his head than
on the entire surfaces of the five other
persons. Furthermore, if bald-headed
man be placed in a room where no flies
are known to exist, an average number
of IL 900 flies per hour will enter that
room and light on his head. These
experiments and others of the same
nature have been repeatedly made by
Prof. Jones, of st. Louis, and always
with substantially the same result.
Moreover, it is a well-ascertained
fact that in countries where badness is
unknown flies do not exist. In the Arc
tic circle where q bald-headed Esqui-
maux has never once been met, flies are
absolutely unknown while in boarding
houses in the Temperate zone frequent
ed by bald-headed boarders from the
city flies are so numerous as to defy
computation. Upon these facts we may
base the theory that flies are the result
of badness, and the theory viii be at
least as plausible and well sustained by
fncts rs is the theory of Prof Simmons.