The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-09-15


The old idea was that piano was
bought and brought to the house with
much bruising of its beautiful legs and
much muffied profanity on the part Of
the draymen, to be played on. What
superlative nonsense! What astale and
preposterous suggestion, What q relic
of barbaric ignorance! A piano 70 be
played on! Go to. ...s.ss.s-.
Thank the stars the days Of such stu
pidity are over. and the true, sole and
natural use of piano is becoming
generally understood. A piano is put
into q house for these simple pur-
poses and none other. Its top is de-
signed as a place for photograph al
bum, o brilliant lamp-mat and vase of
flowers. Its rack is intended as rest
for an open book-an open book Gov
cred with pictures of farm, and fences,
upon which are perched innumerable
black birds. Its stool is placed there
for the nervous young man in company
to sit on and whirl, and writhe and
wriggle. Its richly carved legs are
sprawled out for near sighted and awk-
ward people to run against, and upon
being solicitously asked by the hostess
if they are hurt, to reply. with the hot
tears of anguish gushing into their
eyes: '.Not in the least; only just grazed
Z Such are the legitimate uses Of an
able bodied and well-limbed piano in
its various parts and proportions. As
whole the piano serves two other and
nobler purposes. The one is it imparts
oh CO. <,f
aff1uence to household establishment.
The proud-spirited host points to the
rosewood instrument and seems to say
to his assembled guests: "You behold
that majestic instrument. 1t is grand,
square and upright. Is it not symbolic
of its owners he not grand, square
and upright" Of course nobody can
play on it-not one of his quartet of
daughters-but it is to be remembered
that it was not put there to play on, and
who would ask its owner to put it to per-
verse use?
But after all the real mission of a
piano in the house is this-a place for
young lady to sit and idly turn the
leaves of blackbird book, and a some
thing for a young gentleman to hang
over and now and then breathe softly
in the young lady's ear to let her know
that he is growing weak, but he still
lives. 1t is an affecting sight to observe
young man hang over piano. Few
young men know how to hang over a
piano in good form. One must not
bend too low, as if he were looking for a
lost sleeve button or a nickel. nor yet
be too rigid and infexib'e, like wood
en- soldier on weather vane. A COM
promise of these attitudes with alittle OBJ
ique leaning toward the stool and its
occupant is about the correct thing in
piano hanging.
Now and then by way of novelty an
attempt is made on a grand social occa-
sion to actually play the piano. A dis
NAL young man leads an exhaustive
young lady to the piano. An awful
silence pervades the drawing room.
The somber young man slowly lifts the
lid. as if he was about to view the re-
mains of the last relative he had on
earth. The young lady wildly runs her
fingers over the keys-there is a sob. a
wall, vociferation of violent grief, q
cry of comfortless despair and all is
over. The young lady sinks upon the
nearest sofa. The young man lowers
the lid. turns away his head and is seen
no more.
Verify, the day of superstition and
mistaken ideas is over, and piano play
ing has passed away with the many fol-
lies and foibles of our purblind and un-
cultured ancestry.-New London Tele-
Qr1nn