Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-12
NEWSPAPER WIT.

Does the chimney.sweep play the fiue.it ,
-lMarathon independent
The blows of Sullivan are reckoned hv
Mr.. Wilson as SO many pounds sterlinr. :.
| cincinnati Gazette.
| Grain is Graded when it is in the sere
and yellow; man is Graded only in his
yeller days. Whitehall Times.
Butter was not so firm last week as il has
been. Still those who had lots of il on
hand had soft thing. L Lowell Courier.
Married for Life" is the title of a
novel by Chicago author, which is an en-.
tiresy new idea in Illinois. Lowell Cit.
izsn
Just to show how invincible his regiment
was, the yenng officer, when asked the
meaning of "hors du combat" said he
didn't know Boston Post.
st. Louis boasts of man who has NOT
laughed IN twenty years. He is possibly
an interlocutor In q first-class" MINSTREL
troupe i Yonkers Statesman.
viii you drop us saline?" asked a
Trend OF man departing from Syracuse.
Ihat depends salt together on circum.
stances, was the reply. Marathon indie.
pendent.
Student, fresh from college, to conductor.
u wish to get on the penultimate car, I"
Conductor 'sWe have no peanut car i:
you can take the smoker. - New York
Evening Post.
A new novel is announced, "The Col.
onel's Cross" What the mischief is the
Colonel cross about, Have the saloon.
Keepers combined to deny him credit p
Texas Siftings.
It is announced that Senator Ben Hills
cancer was caused by nicotine, which got
into blister on mis- tongue while smoking.
Morai-Avoid blisters on the tongue
Lowell Citizen.
New York's hop crop will be small.
This would be a sad blow to the couatry
If the brewers hadn't learned years ago
how to make beer without hops.-TPhila.
delphia Chronicle.
Just about this time the clever news.
paper men get together and compare notes
to see how much they made writing vale
dictorles, class poems, ETC., this year.
-fSomerville Journal
Beef is going down in price. A Phils.
delphia banker went to market the other
morning, and after paying for a roast had
enough money left to hire boy to carry it
home.-[ Philadelphia News
Mr.. Langtry will not come to this coun-
try with his wife. A man doesn't want
for three months steady to be the target of
looks which says ;" Hang your pelt, you're
in the way. - Boston Post.
Veil, you see. Yohn Pull he will de
Echypchians schlagen, uud den We terrible
der broberdy. say, Yohn Pull, 90 ahes
Ply shimminy, Meester Pull, l encourages
you In dot fight Bismarck.
An Iowa farmer bid off soda fountain
at auction, took it home and filed the
reservoir with ice water, and now wants
TO sue somebody because he can't get a
hzz to it Detroit Free Press.
1t ladies are to wear boots will jeweled
garters continue to grow in popularity >
Rome Sentinel. Jeweled garters do not
grow. They are manufactured. We prob
ably know.-F0il City Blizzard.
A Louisiana girl fatally shot the two
lovers who had betrayed her. This was
very wicked, but it was better than letting
them kill her and then have jury bring
IN verdict of not guilty Philadelphia
News.
A down-east confectioner has introduced
new feature into his ice. cream this sum-
mer. 1t consists of soiled thumb, which
he introduces into the plate of cream each
time without additional charge.-[B Boom.
erang.
The Cincinnati Commercial says: "China
IS probably the only country in the world
where red hair is held in honor" Don't
know about that. A red headed woman
in this country is generally treated mighty
civilly. Boston Post
A New York paper says "the ice. pitcher
is more fatal than alcohol" That de.
ponds. An ice. pitcher is harmless thing
in itself but if man were to swallow
one he would no doubt wish he had taken
a pint OF alcohol instead. L Norristown
Herald.
Nathlie, the young queen of Servia, is
very partial to croquet. 1t would be well
worth the price OF admission to listen to
the remarks of the queen, when she misses
the ball with terrific clip and mashes the
quarter-section of her foot that wears a
corn Rockland Courier
A man in Cleveland made a bet of $50
that he could teach girl to throw base
ball straight, and the expenses for glass
during weeks training was S35, and at
the end OF that time rock thrown by her
at hen due north would most probably
take out the eye of man to the eastward.
Boston Post.
Fifty millions chained down bv no tyrant nor fetter
= But by rings and machines, confined are we;
Each man as good as his neighbor and better
Oh wonderful land where cen lunches are free
skeleton army, rotten old navy,
Statesmen grown rich at their country's ex-
pense,
" Forty religions and only one gravy"
But our rivers are big, and our mountains i'm
mense Boston Advertiser.
news item says that the best female
circus. rider in Russia is Dounedretisky,
who turns double somersault through
hoop, and carries her name, which is
painted in the center, along with her." To
turn double semersauit through hoop
may not be very remarkable feat, but to
get her name through without knocking off
some OF its corners, is certainly an aston
ishing performance Norristown Herald.
MADAME is preparing abou. half-past
10 P. M. to go out " for the evening"" as she
Is accustomed to do rather too frequently
to please Monsieur" who has made up
his mind for the fiftieth time to assert him.
self. The following dialogue ensues !.
Monsieur: Where are you going, my
dear!" Madame: "Where I please"
But when will you be back," "When
choose. sir!'' ''Ah, yes of course but
no later; / should not permit that
French paper.
A WOMAN's PLANT ANswRRKD.-A