River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-04-06
SQUIBS.
The cost of barb wire fences built in
the United States in 1881 is estimated
at $10,000,00O.

at $l0,000000.
] A smart thing-a mustard plaster.
Tennyson, the poet, smokes com
mon clay pipe-two for five. Thu
proving that a man can be poet an
still knows what's what.
The new London journal for wome
is called the Fan. Englishmen hay
| funny ideas about naming papers 70
women to read. A fan can be shut uI
If Caesar had met Oscar Wilde on tn
fatal day he went to the senate cham
Der, he never would have said, oct tn
Brute" He would have remarked in
stead, SET tn tu.''
They have found king who reigne,
in Egypt more than century befor
Abraham. He's dead. He's mum
my. He's not pretty mummy now
but pretty mum he is, now.
There must be fearful epidemi
going on among cornstalks, for nearl,
all the agricultural papers are publish
ing prescriptions and all that sort o
thing about how to cure them.
"The only way to put an end to th,
innumerable suicides which occur il
France every year." said speaker
in the Assembly. sis to make the &C
a capital offence, punishable will
death"
The fast train between New York anC
Washington a few days ago was brough
to a standstill by two elephants playing
with the bell cord. This shows con
clusively that their trunks should have
been checked,
A st. Louis man has coat made o
tiger skins which he purchased in New
York, and he had only worn it twice
when he was credited with having
fought three duels, killed six tigers anc
discovered a gold mine.
eyes," said Clara, "your Maltese
kitty is pretty enough, but he can new
er come up to my bird" That was al
she knew about it. The kitty did come
up to her bird that very day and it was
all day with the bird.
A writer on the etiquette of gestures
says smile and an inclination of the
head will often convey more meaning
than volumes. Dan McGarty says thai
in Austin it means the conveyance Of
ten cents out of his pocket every
time.
Two gentlemen met large woman
with rustic of voluminous silks and roll
of voluminous person. "Who is that?'
asked one. "Why, that is my neigh.
Dor Webster's wife" ooh, see," was
the ready rejoinder, "Webster's Una.
bridged."
"Stole any chickens dis week, Brud.
der Jones?" said q class-leader to a
member of suspiciously thieving pro-
clivities. ''No, sah--tank de LORI
"You'se done WE'LL" said the leader,
and passed on, while ''Brudder Jones'
turns to '.Brudder Brown" and whis.
per: Lucky he said chickens; if he'd
said ducks he'd had me suah!"
A Kentucky statesman When a
Kentucky congressman was informed
that he could have all the garden seeds
he wanted from the agricultural depart
ment, he exclaimed: "Seedsl what do
/ want seeds for? But hold on Yes
yes; I believe l do want a few" And
he forthwith sent for half bushel OF
cardamon seeds, the only seeds he had
any use for.
Safe, anyhow: Schomburg, upon re-
turning to his store, on Galveston
avenue, from dinner, found his clerk
very much excited. The clerk said
that stranger came in and after ask
ing and paying the price for cravat,
which was one dollar, picked up the
entire box, containing a dozen, and
went off with them. "Did he pay you
de dollar ?" asked Nose. eyes," re-
sponded the clerk. "Vell, then, We
makes, anyhow, fifty per cent. profits
on de investment"
Changed his tune: Fogg says that
Sellem IS the most fckle-minded man
he ever saw. For the last six months
he has been talking about his fine
country house, with its spacious rooms,
grand views and splendid surroundings
and not an "out" about it. "Well, .
says Fogg, twill you believe it, he told
me to-day he had sold and mighty
glad he was to get rid of the old rattle
trap. Yes. sir, Sellem is the most
Second class in grammar stand up, y
said the schoolmaster. "John is bad
boy" "What does John correspond
WITH" III know" said the little boy at
the foot of the class, holding up his
hand. "John Smithers, he CORE
spends with my sister Susan. Here's a
letter he just gimme to carry home to
her."
Oh dear to my heart is the torturesome tutor
That measured our backs with his apple bough
switch,
That lodged every morning the plenteous bean
shooter
And oft sat him down in veneerings of pitch.
Whose countenance glimmered with newspaper
fractions,
We soaked with saliva and voleyed pell-mell.
And how he discouraged that worst of our ac-
tions,
That gave him a souze in the pit Of the well.
That torturesome tutor, that tongue tangled
tutor
That taken in tutor we spilled in the well
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