The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1882-09-01
WIT AND HUMOR.
A fat Job: Playing Fa!staf.

glar.
Human-ate-yer: Devoured by a can
nibal.
Unattainable presents: Presents of
mind.
1t sounds paradOxical to say that
man may lose his sight and yet be
seer.
The place for hungry ple.-The
Sandwich Islands.
An editor who was told that his last
article was as clear as mud said: ''Well,
that covers the ground. anyhow"
"Her Face Was Her Fortune" is the
title of a popular novel. She was evil
IDENTITY book agent, and Travelled on
her cheek.
The ocean steamer passage-boOks
show that the words, when / was in
Europe" will issue from 10000 addi-
tiOnal mouths next Autumn.
The castor-oil plant is said to be pc
culiarly obnoxious to flies; but one
can't have castor-ol plant growing on
top of his bald head.
YES" said Mrs. Laughingstock,
speaking of daughter recently mar
ried, "shc became enameled of the
young fellow and would have him."
"Adolphus. let us leave the avenue,
and stroll along the margin of the riv-
err" '.Not any. dear Evangeline. No
more margins for me-"
An exchange tells story of man
who got out of bed in the night and
threw up window. He will know next
time not to eat windows for supper.
What is that man yelling at?' in
quired Tommy of his younger brother.
'.At the top of his voice." replied the
little one.
"How dare you say damn before
me?" severely inquired clergyman of
a loafer. "How did know you want
ed to say damn frst?" retorted this
bad man.
Friend" Hello, Jim, you amt out
of work again. are you" Unfaithful
employe-.'Well yes; fact is, I'm not
able to work; been injured by prema-
ture discharge"
The little girl who was disappointed
because her name could not be found in
the Bible, says: '.Never mind. l will
be such good girl that, if ever anoth-
er is written. my name shall 60 into it."
Bridget, 1 told you to have my hot
water ready the first thing in the morn
. ing" ''Sure, SIR" replied Bridget,
didn't bring it up and lave it at the
door last night, so as to have it in
timer"
Overheard on the Boulevard: What
would you do if you should find ten
thousand francs upon the sidewalk"
What would do? Why, should i'm
mediately offer q recompense of two
francs to the one who had lost them"
Indignant boarding mistress: "Why,
what are You there for?" Fat boy on ia
bic: .Mr. Hewlett put me here. He
says it's his birthday, and he wants to
see something on the table besides
hash"
A Milwaukee drug clerk was whip
ped for putting whisky in Prohibition
lists soda, and the next day lost his sit
uation because he failed to comprehend
the significance of an influential citi-
zen's wink.
A japanese young woman has grad.
uated from Vassar College. 1t is to be
hoped that she can now paint fans in
telli"ibly, so that what the artist in
tends for cow in the foreground of a
landscape will not be taken for a grand
piano on the roof of house.
The Indianapolis man who had de-
livered to him at his own front door, and
marked with his own name, box con-
tanning what was said to be his own
body, must have thought seriously, cam
or am rot? If not, who in the devil
am II"
Picking up: 81 guess you must be
better to-day" said Farmer Hodges to
a sickly neighbor, whom he found rus
Heating in his strawberry patch. "Oh,
I'm picking up little" was the reply,
as the invalid bent over to get red
nugget or SO.
An editor living in Florida wrote. ut
is years since we have experienced such
a thing As winter" After the paper
went to press he committed suicide. and
simply because the compositor had set
up the last word 'swater," instead OF
| winter"
Very kind drug clerk to little girl:
Snow be sure to tell your papa to take
this medicine according othe directions
on the bottle; an overdose might affect
his brain" Little girl-"Oh, guess
there's no danger of that, for I've heard
mamma tell him lots of times he never
had any brains"
A young man VINO went TO the circus
and stepped too near a monkeys cage,
had f;s arm seized and savagely jerked
by one of the m onkeys. He would have
escaped safely he had not said: 1T is
merely moy .ey wrench" but when
they heard that, the Infatuated crowd
threw him into the lions den.
A New York man went into a crowd
| ed car and asked if he could have tho
seat which was then occupied by hat.
whose owner was sitting in the next
/ seat. The man, angrily grasping his
hat, answered: Eyes, take it, If you're
hog" 'Pm so near one, that guess
that I'll take it" said the other.
| what harm has the lad done your'
asked an old gentleman. roughly collar
ing boy who was warming the jacket
| of another urchin with bit of wild
grape vine. HE amt done me no
harm" "What are you thrashing him
for, thenp" "Cause his father and
mother never ticks him, and I'm doing
it for charity"
"But why did you leave your last
placer" ''Och, mum, they was that
mean that there was no Twin wild 'em.
If you'll behave it, mum, twas only yis-
ter that whit Until the parlor, and there
was two of the gurruls a playing on tho
one peeany and their father rich enough
to buy dozen and never fals t."
| An indignant correspondent writes to
| co,,lc pts
Well, we don't know. We are going to
catch \ corporation some day and muz-
zle it, when it will doubtless be discov-
cred that, like the rest of US, corpora
tons have nose-holes.
Easy to Find-"Did You battle while
you were in GalvestonP' asked GilhoO-
ly of a Col. Yerger, who had just re-
turned from a visit to the Island city.
80 yes, l bathed several times. s'How
did you find the waterp" mo trouble
finding the water. The street-car takes
you right down to it. You can't miss
the water. It's all around the island"
An Austin teacher was explaining
fractions to rather dull boy. SNOW,
suppose you and your little sister were
under tree, and you found q peach
and you wanted her to have as much as
you, how would You go about it?"
.'Shake down another peach out of the
tree and give her the littlest one."
There was hair-pin on the White
Street Bridge this morning. 1t was q
very little thing was this hair-pn, anda
thoughtless public passed unconscious
! " over it. But while it was triflc on
the bridge it was power somewhere
else. In some home on this bright sum-
mer morning there is woman tearing
around after that hair-pin, declaring. as
well as a mouth full of hair will permit