Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-10-12
Floating Fan.

'Sey enty births IN ladies' cabin T.
exclaimed E ogg, after hearing a de-
scription of the Old Colony steamer.
E'Great Scott but there must have
been terrible squall about that time. ~
Doctor-Well. Pat, have you taken
the box of pills I sent you? Pat-Yes,
sir, be jabers, l have but I don't feel
any better yet; may be the lid hasn't
come off yet.
If there is no rain for while some
crops will be ruined, and if there is
rain crops are bound to be ruined.
This is gathered from careful sum-
mary of great many agricultural re-
marks.
A savage Illinois woman says that
for every young wife that cannot cook
there is young husband who will not
make fires, carry ashes, split klndling
or shovel snow, and cannot market
because he does not know hawk
from hen.
A colored congregation in Austin re-
Gently discharged their pastor because
he made too frequent and uncompli-
mentary reference to "de powers OBJ
darkness" That kind of talk did not
match the complexion of the congre-
cation.
The meanest kind of a mean man
is the one who, seeing another lying in
a hammock, howls "dog-fght," so that
he may see the victim try to get out of
the hammock quick and get slung
about six sornersaults with mud in his
mouth.
A candidate met Uncle Moses on
Austin avenue and said to him: "Be
sure to come to the ward meeting to-
night and bring all your neighbors with
you" "You kin jess bet dey will
come along wild me, or l stay at home
myself. Oar wouldn't be chicken
left IN my coop if was ter go to de
ward meetin' and luff dem nabers at
home"
Nantucket has a girl pilot only II
years old. Knows all the buoys in the
sound, you can bet.
Some of those stylish lean-over girls
would have hard time strengthening
up should the day of reckoning como
on them now.
"Any children?" asked landlord OF
gentleman seeking a tenement on
Cherry street. "Yes, three" "No
use talking, then; want tenants with
out children" "But mine are not fat
enough to kill" mildly remarked the
gentleman, as he turned on his heel.
81 like your new hat very much" he
said cts chic, there's sort of
abandon -" "There isn't any
sort ola band on it," she said, pout-
ing otis real ostrich feather"
Her husband who was with her on
board the ship, boasted of his income
of $4,000 year and when the but
ton-headed mushrooms were served,
she delightfully."- exclaimed Cherries!
and such thick etonae ~
Now that the young lady seminaries
have generally reopened, the manufac-
turers of chewing gum are being crowd
ed with orders. Happy manufacturers /;
happy gum.
Victor Hugo is said to be troubled
with poor sight. 1t is also said that he
kissed the party of female dry goods
clerks from Boston who recently visited
him; and it may be that the hinge on
one of their eyeglasses gouged him in
the optic and impaired his vision.
The neighbors of State street wo-
man were unable to ascertain how she
sprained her wrist until the 6-year-old
son said: "There was noise in the
house last night, and Pap thought it
was burglars, and he kept Nam in
front of him, and she fell down stairs" "
mo papa. do not wish to marry
yet. What I want is man who does
not drink, smoke, chew, snuff, go out
nights, gamble, bet, over-eat, etc.; in
short man with no vices, and one
who is always good" "My daughter, %
said Mr.. Dusenberry, "you are but a
stranger here, Heaven is your home. "
"Every mother-in-law is somebody's
mother" says the sentimental unmar-
ried. After he is married he will be
made painfully aware of the fact q
dozen times day.
An exchange says striped parasols
have taken the place of striped stock
jngs." We don't believe it. The idea O
a woman holding striped stocking
over her head to keep off the sun
"Violet, dearest, do VOW play tha
tune often?" asked Hugh Montressol
of his affianced. Eyes, pet, and wher
we are married I'll play it all the time.
Then Hugh went out and shudderec
himself to death.
II declare" exclaimed Brown, &c,
never saw such q time as you have
with servant girls. | don't believe yol
will ever be satisfied till you can have
one manufactured to order" mon
sense, Brown" said Mrs. B., II shal
be satisfied when I find one ready
| maid"
Some men have tact. Said the bride
groom who didn't wish either to offen(
bis bride or or die of internal disturb
ance: "My dear, this bread looks de
Iicious; but it is the first you have eve
made. l cannot think of eating it, bu
will preserve it to show to our childrel
in after years as a sample of thei
mothers skill and deftness."
What AZ the Tides 2
Wy