The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-10-12
AN INDIANS STOMACH SURPRISED

One of the peculiarities of the United States
style of feeding the noble red man, is the fact
that he is given Government rations and at the
same time appropriations are made which are
supposed to maintain him. Sometimes a wild
Indian, who doesn't know much about grocer
les and how to prepare them for food comes in
and draws his regular soldier ratioDs in this
way. For instance, up i'll the Sitting Bull
country, a while ago, an Indian came in from
the war-path, who had never any of the
pale face style of food, and drew rations. He
made light meal of unground coffee, the first
day, and, as he overate, and the coffee swelled
in him, he had difficulty in buttOning his pants
around-the pain he had on hand. He felt very
unhappy, for day two, but laid it to the
fact that he hadn't exercised much, and the
consequent ennui and indigestion resulting
| therefrom. As he succeeded in getting
the interior department queted down a little,
| he tackled his ration of candles. These he de-
cided to parbOil, in order to avoid trouble from
| indigestion. The dish was not so much of n
| glittering success as lie anticipated, and as he
remOrsefully picked the candle-wcking out of
| his teeth with tent-pin, he made some remarks
| that grated harshy on the aesthetic of those
who stood near. He then tried meal of yeast
| powder with vinegar. He ate the yeast pow
| der, and then took pint of extremely potent
| vinegar to wash it down, At first, there was a
feeling of surprise in his stomach, which rapidly
| gave place to unavaling remorse. A can of
| yeast powder in an Indians midst doesn't seem
| to be prepared for pint of vinegar, and the
result OF sucn an unfortunate circumstance Is
not gratifying. Every little while, n look of
| pain wOuld come the face of the noble
| child of the forest, and then he would Jump
about seventeen feet, and try to kick a cloud
| out of the sky. Then he would sit down and
| think over his past life. Ii took about week
! for him to get back TO where he dared to get mp
another meal for himself. Then he fricasseed
a compile of pounds of laundry soap, and ate that.
Soap is all right for external purposes, or for
| treating pair of soiled socks, but il does not
| assimilate with the gastric juice readily, and
those who have tried il n relish do not
| to think that il will ever arrive at any degree
of prominence article of diet. That is
why this untutored child of nature swore. He
had never received the benefits of early train
ing in profanity, and his language, therefore,
was disconnected and rambling, but wheI we
consider that he ignorant of our language,
and that every little while he had to stop aud
hold on to his digester with both hands, and
dig great holes in the earth with his toes, the
remarks didn't seem altogether out of place
irrelevant. When n gallon of agitated
baking powder and vinegar is singing its little
song in the innermoSt recesses of an Indian, and
this has been followed by treatment of laun-
dry soap, the student of human nature can find
a wide field for observation in that locality.
The earnest and occupied look, the troubled ex-
preston of the countenanee, followed by the
quick, nervous twitching of the muscles of the
face, and then the swelling mp and bursting of
the suspender BUTTON the deep drawn sigh, and
the smothered cuss words, all betoken the gas
tric agitation going on within. This is why an
Indian prefers a link of bologna sausage and
twO-year-old dog to the h'gh-priced groceries
and delicacies of our modern civilization.-Lar-
annie BOOOmeraRd,