Smyrna times., 1882-06-21
WHOLE NO. 1,4O7.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS

PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.
What has become of all the trout
liars ?-ErchGn9e. They are raising
carp.
These are said to be the longest days
IN the year. They seem to me mighty
Hostile Indians have decided to Wig
0rously prosecute their search for the
United States army this summer.
Seashore sun levels all classes. The
ola topper and the temperance apostle
come nome with noses exactly the same
color.
The bicycle has, on a country road.
one advantage over everv other vehicle
ride
These are the dog days at the sum-
mer resorts. If you do not believe it
count the plugnosed CANNES at any
fashionable hotel.
Bntialo Bill has made nearly 800,
600 this season. A broad-brimmed hat
long hair and fancy topped boots pay
aS well as brains in some professions
NorristOtcn Heruld.
Barnum is going to England again
and Great Britain is in an agony of
doubt as to what he is after now. tits
greatly feared that he intends to en-
gage the queen to ride Jumbo.
a quarreling couple applied to a
New York judge for a divorce, and the
Judge sent them home to settle their
differences between themselves" The
papers do not say which licked.
Governor Hall, of Delaware has a
way of naming the vessels built under
his direction after the members of his
family, lie has got down to his grand
children and will soon have to stop
building vessels or begin on his second
cousins.
Talmage says that in their new es-
tate beyond the skies people will con-
tlnue in occupations in which thev are
/ engaged here below. Will Talmage
kindly explain how sections and under
takers can follow their occupations in
! Heaven.
Some religious papers argue that
fashionable churches should not close
IN the summer, because the devil
never takes a vacation" but we cannot
see the force of this argument. In the
Summer the Old Nick is to busy at the
seashOre to do much damage in the
city.
Ia Chester the other day young
lady entered drug store and told the
astOnished clerk that she wanted Il
sponge hath, meaning, of course, bath
sponge. This is almost as bad as the
case of Philadelphia lady who want.
ed to buy cuspadOr and asked for Il
cesspOOl.
A Boston woman was swinging in a
hammock in the seclusiOn of her back
yard, and her feet hung down. A
neighbOr looked through the fence and
cried "ShOot them feet" He was
arrested and fined 80 for impudence, s.
extra for uttering slang and $17 more
for using bad grammar,
First boy: My fathers got million
dollars" Second boy well, s'pose
he has He made it in little store
and nobody ever heard of him or ever
will. Now, my fathers known every
where. He's been called thief and q
blackguard in almost every paper in
the country. He was once up fol
Office"
t a Journey around the world now
F.. takes about 80 days, and the cost car
be reduced to $500. And in going
round in that time and at that expense
you can have about as much fun a.
you'd get in sitting all night in a rain
storm on q picket fence, listening to Q
f bull dog bark at cat in barrel
Boston Post,
A way has been found for making
use of old postal cards. Cut lengthwist
n into strips about an eighth of an incl
: wide they make excellent lamp light
l., ers, which burn readily, do not throw
of sparks, and leave scarcely trace
of ashes. If old love letters could b.
: utilized in the same way great many
d people would breathe easier.
h Among the many desirable results o
e pure blood are, an elastic step, bOuyan
spirits, and clear complexion. tn,
. pOsessor of healthy blood has his facu
= , lties at command, and enjoys elea
!; and quick perception which is impOssi
y u BILE when the blood is heavy and slug
: gish with impurities, Ayers SarsaPa
{ rilla is the best blood purifier and vital
izer known,
IS Economy; ut is no use," exclaimed
e Henderson, at the family tea table
d eve must economic. Beef and mut
n ton are way up, butter and eggs-svery
II thing, in fact. Meat once day is al
we can afford; and, mother, you mus
give the children some kind of cheaI
1f sauce to save in butter. We must Gu
d down expenses some way" And Fen
derS0n then lights his fifteen-cent ciga
!, and sallies forth to the billiard room
e putting out a matter of two or thre
is dollars in the course of the evening.
~ USELESS FRIaHF.-To worry abOu
" any Liver, Kidney or Urinary trouble
especially Bright's Disease OF Diabete:
- as Hop Bitters never fails of q cur
: where a cure is possible, We knO'
> this.