Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-10-21
WIT AND WISDOM.
"THE horse bit the parson,
How came it to pass?
The horse heard the parson say,
All fash ie s,raUc -

How came II To pass
The horse heard the parson say,
all flesh is grass"
"TELEGRAPH BLUE is a new color.
1t is the shade of mans face when he
gets dispatch from his broker asking
for more margin.
WHICH word would you rather write,
''tweedledum'' or "tweedledee ?" -
''Tweedledee," because it is written
with more ease-e's.
TfoN-a writer claiming that his works
contained much 'food for or>tsaa2ug1L
friend remarked "That may be SO
but it is wretchedly cooked"
THE average man is supposed to lose
six cuff buttons per year, and he is Just
mean enough not to throw away the odd
ones so that the finder can make out
pair. detroit Free Press.
On THE Rue st. Lazare, the other
day, a char was seen on which lay
hat with the following notice: "Please
don't forget the poor beggar, who is
just taking his breakfast. lie Figaro.
Mrs. MTFFIN, said visitor, EN-
ma has your features, but think she's
got her fathers hair" "Oh, now / see,"
said the dear little Emma, ''it's because
I've got papa's hair that he has to wear
wig p
"Puneh," a couple of years ago, had
clever sketch, by Charles Keene, of a
farmer suffering from the lurches of
steamer as she met the waves. "Why
doesn't the captain keep in the fur
rows 2" he disconsolately asks.
"OH, Mr.. Smith |" exclaimed Gertie,
"may l go with You and see your nice
little puppies ?" "What do you mean,
Gertie ?" exclaimed her father in aston
ishment. "Why, papa" said Gertie,
didn't you say Mr.. Smith was going
to the dogs ?"-Boston Transcript.
"MAMMA," asked little Edith, "be all
grown folks hateful ?" sWhy, Edith"
replied her mother, "what put that idea
into your head ?" "Nothing, mamma,
only know everybody who comes here
is hateful, cause I've always heard you
say so after.they went away"
A LETTER from our private prospector
in North Park relative to the condition
of our Golconda property states that he
finds upon thorough examination OF
side and an injunction on the other.
This settles the fact that it is a clearly
defined lead.
A GERMAN Emperor made a visit to
one of his towns and was received at the
gate by long row of deputies. Just as
they were about to address him a
neighboring donkey set up terrible
bray. Gentlemen" said the Emperor,
eff you wish me to understand you, you
must speak one at time"
THE following dialogue took place in
certain well-known theological college:
Professor Qoquitor)-"You are the
greatest Ounce ever met with. Now
don't believe that You could repeat to
me two texts of Scripture correctly"
Student Tin reply)-"Yes, can." Pro-
fessor- -"Well, do it." Student (feel-
ingly and with much thoughtful con-
sideration) )-"He departed and went and
hanged himself" Pause. $50 thou
and do likewise"
The charming Madame v, at the
coast, changes her dress three or four
times day. Walking one day along
the beach, she meets friend who does
not bow to her. "Well, don't you
recognize me?" she exclaimed; and the
other answered.: "Oh, beg pardon;
but as you had on the same dress as two
hours ago, did not believe it could be
you. lie Figaro.
81 DON'T believe in this learning Ger
man, Spanish, French or any foreign
language" said Michigan man the
other day. "Why, 1 lived among a lot
of Germans and got along with them
just as well as If had known their Ian
guage, but didn't-not word of it."
"How did you contrive it ?" "Why,
You see they understood mine. "-Detroit
Free Press.
HER COMPANY VOICE: A certain lady
in Detroit who had guests at table, re-
proved her little son several times,
speaking, however, very gently. At
last, out of patience with him, she said,
sharply, Jimmy, if you don't keep
still, l will send you away from the
table," Looking up at her in surprise,
he asked: "Didn't you forget to use
your company voice then, mother %
ATA wedding, not long since, among
the presents displayed was a $1,000
bank note from the father of the bride.
After the wedding was over the old gen.
tleman folded up the note and put it
back in his vest pocket. The conduct
of that doting father reminds one very
much of the promises of reform made
by candidates previous to the election
as contrasted with their performances
when the election is over.-7eras
SiftingS.
THERE is theory advanced by scien-
fists that if you whisper in the ear of a
sleeping man, the impression OF your
words will be conveyed to his mind as
if by dream. We recently expert
mented with this theory and found it
worked very satisfactorily. A noted
Western scout, who boasted of having
slain 200 Indians, was stopping at the
hotel where we reside. We entered his
room and whispered in his ear: "We
are attacked by Indians The red devils
are upon us T. Did he spring up, grab
for knife and blindly rush forward for
a fray !? He did arise from the bed. And
he crawled under it. There can be no
doubt that the theory is correct.
THERE is still some wit left in Ireland,
though it has lost much of the exquisite
quality for which it was once celebrated.
There has been a good deal of fun in
the land courts. Recently a suitor,
being questioned as to the quality of
manure used on his lands, stated thu