The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1882-12-07
chronological Journal
Mrs. BOWman's Neuralgia.

pain in her head for several days, but
being woman of courage as well as
Of affairs, she had kept her discomfort
to herself, and attended as usual to her
numberless duties There was another
reason why Mrs. Bowman was reticent
on the subject of her neuralgia The
fact was, that knowing little or moth
ing about pain practically, this lady
had formed and promulgated certain
theories in regard to it that were not
quite SO easy to demonstrate When
suffering herself.
"One-quarter Of the pain that folks
complained Of was imaginary" Mrs.
Bowmon had often remarked. An
other fourth was exaggerated, and
still another that could be borne with
much less fuss and outcry if people
only thought so. - e1's'
Mr.. Bowman, an exceedingly quiet
and respectful husband, had once been
heard to say that he felt grateful to
his wife for leaving the fourth quar-
ter for the favored few to groan in
and crawl out of. He hadn't yet
reached point where he could take
advantage Of her kindness and mag
nanimity; but it was all the same a
comfort to know that the hole was
there.
Mr.. Bowman looked and acted like
man in feeble health. Mrs. Bow
man declared him a confirmed and
hopeless hypochondriac, and treated
his aches and pains as The keeper of
lunatic asylum treats the whims and
complaints Of liz PATIENTS. Mr.. Bow
man was subject to stitches. They
caught him at the most inopportune
times, and in the most unexpected
places. Mrs. Bowman steered round
this idiosyncrasy like the inexperi-
enced pilot she was, and whenever a
groan or a quick catching Of the
breath betokened that stitch was in
process Of dropping, she either called
her husbands attention to some bust
ness that must be Immediately seen to,
or asked a hasty question which re-
quired as hasty an answer. 1t is safe
to predicate that not one Of the ex-
ceedingly numerous stitches dropped
in her presence and touched bottom
without interruption. 1.-THE .hypo,"
Mrs. Bowman said, "must not be en-
couraged, and there would be no limit
to Mr.. Bowman's imagination if she
were to take the slightest notice of
his ailments"
So the poor man dropped his stitches
in public and in private, and picked
them up again whenever he could get
a good hold, and learned at last to
substitute wry face for the obnox-
ious groan, and later still to turn
round when he made it.
There is probably no doubt but
that this was good discipline for Mr..
Bowman, but it gave him certain
grotesqueness and popularity of man
ner which was as annoying to Mrs.
Bowman as the other disagreeable
habit had been. Mr.. Bowman did
not like to go into company because,
as in the case of MARY and the
lamb" the stitches were ''sure to 60"
But Mrs. Bowman was colonel, cap
tain, and corporal, and Mr.. Bowman
shouldered his infrmity, as a good
soldier his gun, and followed wherever
she led.
1t was very seldom that Mrs. Bow
man allowed herself to be drawn into
any conversation concerning the
stitches, but sometimes on occasions
of great Importance it became neces-
sary, and then the lady spared neither
thread nor material.
Mrs. Bowman was Ill ready to go
to a chamber concert one evening,
when her unfortunate partner, in get
ting on his overcoat, dropped stitch.
It must have taken very intricate
and devious path, for it not only con-
sumed more time than usual, but Mr..
Bowman was even more aggravating
and uncertain in his manner than he
had ever been before; and when at
last he had caught his breath, and
brought his face into position, hum
bly, begged to be allowed to stay at
home.
When Mr.. Bowman gave up the
groan and took to making faces, his
wife was really not so pleased with
the change as he supposed she would
be. A man might groan in public
hall, and only the near few be able to
fasten the groan to the groaner, but il
was quite out of the range of posi-
bility for man to rise, turn round.
and make a series of grimaces-as
Mr.. Bowman invariably did in those
days without attracting more or less
attention. So Mrs. Bowman was
sometimes absolutely compelled to
reason with her husband about this
"hypochondriacal idiosyncrasy," as she
termed it.
II should be very glad if you would
allow me to stay at home" the poor
old man pleaded Il don't like t.
mention it, but / really think | am
fuller of kinks than usual this even
ing >,
at is perfect nonsense, Sylvester!
Mrs. Bowman responded. so far, |
have not lost one of those ,scbamber
concerts, and | don't intend to!!7
Mr. Bowman thought he could have
a concert in his own chamber, IT his
wife would only leave him in possess
ion, but Mrs. Bowman declared herself
unable to even think of such thing.
IF you will only overcome that fool
ish habit of jumping and twisting
your face the lady said, II might
have some comfort in life; but might
as we'll live in the neighborhood of
Vesuvius, for Inever know what Is
coming next"
"Td give you notice if | knew my
selfr Mr.. Bowman responded, getting
inside his overcoat more carefully this
time, But l never have the slightest
warning"
why don't you make yourself pos
tive of these attacks upon your I'M
agination?" Mrs, Bowman inquired,