davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
The RetOrt Sarcastic.

Judge Tarbell tells the following
joke on himself. A short time after his
retirement from the bench he happened
to meet an old friend whom he had not
seen for some time. The Judge, all
smiles and heartiness, effervesced over
his friend in such way as to provoke
the inquiry:
What Office are you candidate for
now, Judge?"
The Judge made deprecatory move
ment with an outward turned palm, and
said:
"For none at all, my dear brother; I
am simply candidate for the Kingdom
of Heaven"
His friend regarded him sorrowfully
for an instant, and, then, with more wit
than politeness, and more profanity
than either, said:
"Tll bet you don't carry d
township
Doubtless the Judge lost sight of the
mans profanity in admiration of his
sublimely truthful candor.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
A Denver Fish Story

A Denver newspaper man went fish
ing caught a fish; eagle spied fish
eagle swooped; fish and hook too were
swallowed: eagle started; hook caught
man pulled hard: eagle stopped; hool,
broke; eagle flew away. This being
the experience of a journalist and relat-
ed by the journalist himself, is entitled
to respectful consideration. But it
does indeed seem like the Colorado
version of the story of the bad boy with
bent pins baited with corn catching
his fathers pet chickens In the bac'
ca~I.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
Michigan Crop Report.

Reports from the threshing machines re-
ceived by the Secretary of State in Septen-
Der and October and published in the Michi-
gan crop report for October. show that the
acres OF wheat threshed number 2S1 As,
which IL about one-sixth of the entire crop
The average per acre in the southern four
tiers OF count es is Is "a bushels, and in the
ountes north of the southern tour tiers Is. =
IS bushels, indicat ng an aggregate product
in the state OF 81 $50, AS bushe There
is but one element of uncertainty IN
this estimate. MANY farmers have as vet
threshed only portion OF the r crop, but
Iust what portion IL is often a difficulty to
determine, hence the report of the acreage
made to the threshers by farmers In not az
certainly accurate as would be the case had
the entire crop been threshed But as the
figures are furnished in every instance by
the most competent TO make est mates the
statement is entitled to n high degree of
conf ence. 1t ~ without doubt the best
climate obtainable. L G average yield per
acre of wheat in the State il Il II bushels rs
compared With ,03 bushels in 1881, and l6 ~
bushels ms the ave age for the four years
from lS7St 1881. r ports from 277 elevators
and mills show that there was LIZA, 059
pushe OF wheat marketed by farmers in
September. The gu nifty reported mar
keted in july, August and September IL
2,2l3 4a2 bushels.
Acres OF oats reported threshed, Sl,i0l,
vie din nearly ~ bushels per acre.
Corn and y tatoes are in average crops.
Beer cattle and sheep are in fine condition.
In the southwestern part of the State the
winter app es show an estimated yield of ~
per cent southeastern, AZ; central, A;
northwestern 10; and northern, - per cent.
OF an average crop. Aver ge for the State,
-. Late peaches are eft mated TO yield in
the southwestern part OF the state to per
e MT; southeast, Is; &c tral, 30; northwest
ern, 90; and in the northeastern 81 per cent.
of an average crop The average for the
State ~ G5
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

ONE of the new rules of the United
States treasury is designed to prevent
employes-and officers, too-from leav-
ing the scene of duty by private door
before the close of Office hours. The
first man who was tripped by this regu-
lation was Comptroller Knox himself.
The other day, accompanied by his
wife, he started to leave the building
some time before the close of business
by the west door, where his carriage
was in waiting But the doorkeeper
said, mo, sir, you cannot go out here.
NV orders to that effect are strict. "
Expostulation and entreaty were of no
avail, and Mr.. Knox was obliged to go
to the main door at the other side of the
building, where, after giving n proper
excuse for going away so early, he was
allowed to depart.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
Iron I'm Lapeer County.

A few weeks ago, as Mr. b. +. Moore
was repairing a road on his beautiful
farm mile and half east of this city,
a substance was struck about two feet
from the surface that greatly resembles,
and probably is, iron ore. 1t is mixed
with yellow dirt, and, if the deposit is
what it appears, will yield very largely
to the ton. Apparently there is very
large bed,of this material, and, should il
prove valuable, it would be difficult to
estimate the Importance of the discovery.
-Lapeer Clarion.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

ROYAL WOODWARD, the owner of the
largest private library in Albany, died
recently at his residence in that city.
For many years he had been selling
sewing silk, carrying his stock in a
large handbag. He amassed quite a
property and invested much of his
wealth in books, of which he is sup
posed to have left more than 10000 vol
umes. His tastes ran in the direction
of theology, genealogies and town his
tories His library was never arranged,
but was slowed from cellar to garnet,
in parlor and woodshed. He also owned
a large collection of engravings and au-
tographs. Mr.. Woodward was an hon
orary member OF number of antigua
rian and literary societies i'll. this country
and Europe.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

arrest, and raised spade to strike a
constable, Joseph Nicely, when the con-
stable shot him in the arm, causing him
to drop the spade and submit. He was
fined $50, which he paid.
The Hon. Lucian HendriclS, of Dry
den, Lapeer county, died recently, aged
90. He was an honored and widely
esteemed citizen and farmer of much
intelligence. For many years he had
contributed to the agricultural depart
ments of the Detroit press.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

INFORMATION has been received of the
death of Cornelius Koopmanschaap in
Rio Janeiro, Brazil. The deceased was
widely known in San Francisco, having
resided in that city from 1850 up to- a
few months before his death. He was
a native of Holland, and was between
80 and 60 years of age. In 1867 he re-
tired from the business of importing
Oriental goods and became contractor
for Chinese labor. A short time ago he
went to Rio Janeiro for the purpose of
negotiating with the Brazilian Govern
ment for contract labor.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
Air.

Pure air is composed of about %
parts of oxygen (by weight rs of
nitrogen, small amount of carbonic
cident. And yet in the filthy lanes of
cities, it has been found to contain on
ly IA per cent. of oxygen, S1.24 of
nitrogen 2.01 of carbonic gas, 207 of
sulphureted hydrogen. When from 5
to six per cent. of carbonic gas is in the
air, it is unfit for sustaining life, while
q candle ceases to burn when it has 3
per cent. In breathing, the oxygen of
the air combines with the carbon of the
bodv-the waste-and the expired
breath contains about Al per cent. of
this poison gas of course twice breath
ing the same will produce about or
render 1t unfit for the lungs. Man re-
quires from 2l2 to 1853 cubic feet of air
each hour, to purify the blood.
1t is fortunate that the air is diffusive,
that noxious gases combining with it do
not remain in one place but are diffused
through the mass or reduced in strength,
so that unconfined air will purify itself,
beside the fact that vegetation is con-
stantly employing the carbon of the
gas to make wood, liberating the oxygen
and thus restoring to the air what
breathing, combustion, fermentation
and putrefaction take from it But the
danger from these poisonous gases is
when the air is confined, as in sleeping
rooms, sitting rooms, halls, schools
shops and the like. That the air may
be perfectly pure, or do us the most
good, it is estimated that one needs
from to 10 cubic feet each minute
safe, but not always absolutely needed
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
State Treasury statistics.

The balance of cash in the State
treasury Sept. 30 was 81, 757, 1888. 81; re-
ceipts for the week ending Oct. 7 were
SIC, 1920; payments for same time,
800, 5000, leaving balance Oct. 7,
1882, Of $l,751, 1861.
The following is statement OF the
receipts and disbursements at the State
Treasurer's Office for the fiscal year
end ng Sept. 30, 1882: Balance on hand
Sept. 30, 1881, $l,793, 362O7; receipts
for the year, $2,9l6,0S 40; disburse-
ments for the year, -, 951 ,513.3l; bal
ance on hand Sept. 30, 1882, Sl,759,-
93321.
The following shows the condition of
the State debt at the close of the fiscal
year ending Sept 30, 1882:
INTEREST BEARING BONDS.
Two million loan bonds-G's, due Jan.
l. 1888. $500 900 "
War bounty loan bonds-7's, due May
l, 1880. 29S,OOO. OF
Total. observation-disclosures SS o00. %
NoN-INTEREST- BEARING DEBT.
Adjustes bonds. due Jan. l. 1867
S2l 900 part-pad five million loan
bonds, adjustable at $57S.57 per
Si,ooV' ..........,...... .............s iAl4S9'
Total bonded debt .,.............. 5000, 149 81
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
OF the house in Huntingdon in which

OF the house in Huntingdon in which
Cromwell was born but two rooms,
that in which he was born and that be-
meath it, remain. Hinchenbroke, the
splendid old seat of his high Tory
uncle, Oliver, the head of the house, a
devoted adherent of Charles J., has for
about two centuries belonged to the
Montague, Earls of Sandwich, who
purchased IT, A writer fifty years ago
describing it says: what noble
structure, lovely even in its beggarly at
tire. As you pace the moth-eaten
boards you fancy you can see splendid
retinues riding up the courtyard"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
The Fairs.

Reports from all the fairs. State, dis
trict and county, are of uniform success
as far as exhibits and receipts are
concerned. None more so than those of
our own State. In the exhibit of stock
our State fair was not excelled. indeed
we can hardly be excelled in the quality
of our pure-bred stock of all kinds.
Our breeders do not make so much
noise as do those of some other States,
but they are quietly improving their
herds and focks, while our horses, es-
pecially in driving and carriage horses,
are unexcelled. The LARGE attendance
at all the fairs is an evidence OF in
creasing prosperity. Whether it is
looked upon as form of recreation or
as a means of education or both com
bined, it shows the farmers have means
and time to attend the f,irs and get
what good they can from them.
This must improve the farmer and
through him the farm. He meets his
brother farmer from another part OF
the State, and from an adjoining State,
and they get good from each other
Detroit Post.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

AS Newport clergyman was marry
ing two fashionable Young people he
came to the clause in the service where
the bride promises to love, honor and
obey" She was silent. There was an
awkward pause. The clergyman asked
the question again. No answer. The
clergyman said it called for an answer.
But it was not until the bridegroom had
nudged her with his elbow with a good
deal of emphasis that she family said !:
Il will She had rashly declared that
she never would say it, but when it
came to bringing the affair to a full
stop had to think better of it.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

AT Lincolnton, n. c., Caleb Hobbs
found his mule dead in the field, and
the loss of one so near and dear affected
him so that he wept over it four days,
when, leaving note declaring that he
couldn't live without the mule, he COM
mitted suicide Beautiful in their lives,
in death they were divided only four
DAYS.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

A FARIBAULT (Minn.) graduate from
an Eastern female seminary wished to
show the Western people thing or two
about art, and found young man of
her town who consented to have his
bust taken from life, in plaster. The
fair artist forgot to grease her subject s
face, and the plaster, ambitious to do
its part in the exhibition, chung to the
youth and hardened and fastened upon
his classic features. The goose-quills
through which he was to pump air to
his lungs slipped and the plaster, rush
ing in to fill the vacancy, nearly smoth-
cred him. before it could be removed.
1t became evident, before the work had
been in progress an hour, that the ex-
pertinent was not an entire success, and
the beautiful sculptor undertook to re-
lieve her model. The cast was broken
off piece meal, bringing with it snatches
of whisker, patches of skin, sample of
mustache, the tip of an ear and so forth
and, at the end of eight of the longest
hours of his life, the model escaped
from the artist, and, setting what was
left of his nose surgeon ward, followed
it to the doctors for repairs. The
studio at Faribault is closed.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

Mrs. Frank Presley, of Orion, Oak
land county, accidentally shot herself
with her husbands revolver. The ball
entered her chin, tore ont several upper
teeth and lodged in the back part of
her tongue, from which it was removed
by the doctor.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

A REMARKABLY operation has just
been performed in Paris. Peter GEMS
cain swallowed coffee-spoon, and DIR.
Felixet, after vainly endeavoring to
draw it out with pinchers, opened the
stomach and extracted the missing
utensil. The young man is now entirely
restored to health.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
MICHIGAN AFFAIRS.


Bay City is now lighted by six cleo
trio lights of 1000 candle power each,
placed on tower 200 feet high. The
affair cost $4,000, and is giving good
satisfaction.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

Reports to the State Board of Health,
Lansing, by observers Of diseases in diff
ferent parts of the State, show causes
of sickness during the week ending Oct.
IA, 1892, as follows. The number of
observers heard from is 81:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
IL Wasn't u Tapeworin.

The Romeo Observer nails another
campaign lie. Noticing a statement
that man was relieved OF tapeworm
of tremendous length, it intimates that
it wasn't a tapeworm, but the gentle
man was one OF the sufferers who dis
gorged the Port Huron aud Southwest
ern Narrow Gauge railroad.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
Cheboygan's Salt Well.

The test salt well at Cheboygan is
prov ng troublesome hole. The rock
crumbles and falls in as fast, nearly, as
it can be drilled out. Eve hundred
and fifty fee is the depth it has reached.
1t is doubtful If it proves successful.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

AMONG the lesser commodities known
to the druggist trade is the eyestone.
In former times persons of wealth and
forethought carried the article in vest
pocket. Travellers, in particul IT, blind
ed by cinders, were prepared with an
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
Che TrMs 9ortherller.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER ~. 1882.

For my part, said Dean Burgon,
In the course of recent sermon at
Cambridge University, II am quite con-
tent to seek my ancestors in the Garden
OF Eden; let others, if they choose,
look for theirs in the garden called
Geological
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

LAMESrAriox is the only musician,
that always, like a screech-owl, alighte
and sits on the roof of an angry man.
PlufO,rh.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
Whereabouts of the Michigan sweet singer

1t is rarely the case that we read the
Chicago Inter Ocean, because we dis
like humorous paper. and, as rule,
read those publications that enrich the
mind and add to the strength of the in
tellectual faculties. We just happened,
however, to catch the following under
the head Of "Trade Towers" and re.
ferring to the new Board of Trade build
ing:
"Be not alarmed, gentle or gallant
reader A great stretch of columns
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

A CHICAGO tea-party started some
disagreeable gossip about Judge Of
that city which reporter determined
to hunt down. The happy thought
struck him of asking the Judge himself
and he therefore told him the scandal.
The Judge said he was panied that the
matter had become public, because he
was anxious to kla the affair out of the
newspapers, since it concerned not only
himself but the lady involved. who
is the lady, Judge? ?" asked the reporter;
but the Judge, paying no attention to
him, went on TO say that the charges
were true; that for years he had been a
close and intimate companion and con-
fidant, bought many things for her.
who is the lady, Judge?" again asked
the reporter. But the Judge merely
went on: "As to my being seen in her
company at late and unseemly hours of
the night, am guilty Equally so am
| to the charge of remaining in her COM
pany late at night. / suppose there
are a number of persons knowing to
these facts. But how did the press get
onto it 2" who is the lady, Judge?"
MY wife"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27
THOSE BILLS
For Payment for Services In Garfield's Ill
ness.

Following is a complete list Of the claims
fled with the board designated by Congress
to audit the claims arts ng from the illness
and death of President Garfield:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1882-10-27

eyestone; it was clapped into the cinder
eye, there roamed at will, hunted the
cinder with speed, and thrust it out.
The demand for these stones has fallen
off very largely, but they are still kept
and sold in considerable quantities. In
regard to the use of the stone for the
purpose in question the fact seems to be
that its movements are regulated 10y its
shape, and by formation on the flat
side or base of the stone, similar to a
blade in q turbine water-wheel. The
whole resembles a shell just begun
before the cavity was formed, If shells
were so formed, but which they are not.
The stone is composed of limestone,
and vinegar or any acid by its action
upon it causes motion. The stones are
found in the seashore on the Pacific
coast, being gathered there by sailors.
Morris tribune., 1882-02-09

showed that you deliberately resolved to
do it, and that deliberate and misguided
will was the sole impulse. This may
seem insanity to some persons, but the
law looks upon it as n willful crime. You
will have due opportunity Of having any
errors may have committed during the
course OF the trial passed upon by the
court in hanc, but meanwhile il is neccs
sary for me to pronounce the sentence OF
law, that YOU be taken hence to the com
mon Jail of tie district from whence you
came. and there be kept in confinement
and Friday, the 30,h day of June. 1882,
you be taken to place prepared for yuul
execution within the walls of said Jail, aud
there, between the hours of IL and P. NJ ),
be hanged by the neck unit! you are dead
and may the Lord have mercy on your
sole"
During the reading Guitcau stood appar
emily nnmoved, and with his gaze rive,ed
upon the judge, but when the final words
were spoken he struck the table violently
and shouted:
"And may the Lord have mercy on youl
soul; Ia rather stand where l do thar
where that jury docs, and where YOU
honor stands. I'm not afraid to die.
stand here as Gods man, and Goo
Almighty will curse every man who has
had part in procuring this unrigh,eous
verdict"
Morris tribune., 1882-02-09
LEGAL NOTICES.
MORTGAGE SALE.

Default having been made in the payment of
the sum of T6l .50-iO0 dollars which is claimed to
be due at the late of this notice upon a certain
mortgage, duly executed and delivered by Peter
Il BeckendoIf and Paulina BeckendOrf, his wife
to MiddleseX Banking Company, OF Mlddletown,
Connecticut, bearing date the lst day OF Febrary,
A. d. 1881. and duly recorded liz the ofhce of the
register OF deeds in and for the county OF Stevens
and state OF Minnesota. on the 18th day OF Feb.
ruary A. ID. 1884, at 2:3O O'Clock p. M, In book
'E of Mortgages, on page Al and post, which
mortgage was given to secure the sum OF seven
hundred 700) dollars, with nine per cent. inter
est per annum and default having been made In
the payment of the installment of interest due
August lst. 1881. the said mortgage thereupon
elected that the whole principal sum with all ar
rearages Interest should be at once due and
payable according to the provisions OF said mort
gage and of the notes given for said sum. and no
action or proceeding at law or otherwise having
been instituted to recover the debt secured by
said mortgage, or any part thereof, which said
sum bears interest ut the rate OF nine per cent.
per anuum:
Now therefore, notice is hereby given, that by
virtue of Il power of sale contained i'll said mort
gage, and pursuant to the statute in such case
made and provided, the said mortgage will be
forecosed, and the premises described III and
covered by said mortgage, viz: The southwest
quarter Of section twenty. (2O) and the southeast
quarter of the southeast quarter OF section nine-
teen 19) all in township one hundred and twen-
tytive (l25) of range orty three (4S) containing
two hundred acres, in Stevens county, A. state
of Minnesota with the heredtaments and appur-
terances, will be sold at public auction. to the
b,ghcs; bidder for cash. to pay said debt and in
terest. and the taxes, if any, on said premises.
and tifty dollars attorneys fee. as stipulated in
and by said mortgage in case of foreclosure and
the Disbursements allowed by law; which sale
will be made by the sheriff OF said Stevens coun-
ty at the front door al the Court House. in Nor
rs. in said county and state. on the 4th day Of
March. A. d. 1882 at 10 O'Clock a. m. OF that day
subject to redemption at any time within one
year from the dayof sale. as provided by law.
Dated January Is. A. u. 1882.
MIDDLES EX BANKING COMPANY,
BY ROBERT N. JACKSON,
VIM GRAVES President.
Attorney. 4Ot7 -
Morris tribune., 1882-02-09
GLEGUOOD.

FEE. 8, 1882 The town board have
surveyed road through Franklin street
to the depot TO he, and to the town of
Reno. 1t is reported that the depot will
be located three quarters of a mile further
cast on the Rue place. Fl. N. Rue, of the
Central tIouse, is preparing to build big
hotel near said house Two hundred loads
of Stone arc being hauled for the feunda-
tion. 1t is TO be vcneered with brick. Hc
is preparing 10 burn them. Fred Williams
the saloonist is expected to furnish the
funds. lie is said TO be running three
saloons; one here, one at Sauk Centre and
one at Long Prairie. He is said also to
own two Touring mills and has acquired
much wealth in liquor saloons. One who
lives for self interest and not moral prin-
ciple nigh. tc tempted 10 gel rich in this