davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-12-07
A NOTED BUT UNTITLED WOMAN
Messrs. Editors -


The above is good likeness of Mrs Lydia E. PINK.
ham, of Lynn Mass who above all other human beings
may be truthfully called the Dear Friend of Woman
as some of her correspondents love to call her She
is zealously devoted to her work which is the outcome
of a nfestudy, and is obliged to keep six lady
assistants to help her answerthe large correspondence
which daily pours in upon her. each bearing its special
burden of suffering, or joy at release from it. Her
Vegetable Compound is a medicine for good and not
evil purposes. have personally investigated it and
am satisfied OF the truth of this
On account of its proven merits It is recommended
and prescribed by the best physicians in the country
One says: at works like q charm and saves much
pain 1t will entirely the worst form of falling
Of the uterus, Leucorrhoea, irregular and painful
Menstruation, all Ovarian Troubles, Inflammation and
liberation Floodings, all Displacements and the
sequent spinal weakness and is especially adapted to
the Change Of Life"
Itpermeates every portion of the system and gives
new life and vigor. 1t removes faintness fatulency
destroys all craving for stimuants and relieves weak
ness of the stomach. 1t cures Bloating Headaches,
Nervous Prostitution, General Debility, seeplessness,
Depression and Indigestion. That feeling of bearing
down, causing pain, weight AMI backache is always
permanently cured by its 1t will at all times and
under all circumstances, act in harmony with the law
that governs the female system.
costs only 81 per bottle for 3d. and is sold by
druggists Any advice required to special cases. and
the names of many who have been restored to perfect
health by the Of the Vegetable Compound can be
obtained by addressing Mrs P, with stamp for reply
at her home in Lynn, Mass
For Kidney Complaint of either this compounds
unsurpassed as abundant testimonials show.
Mrs. Pinkham's Liver Pills., says one writer care
the best in the lcorld for the Of Constipation
Biliousness and Torpidity of the liver. Her Blood
Purifier works wonders in its special line bids faiJ
to equal the Compound in its popularity
All must respect her as an Angel OF Mercy whose sd
ambition is to do good to others
Philadelphia. Pa. 20 Mrs. A. Id
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-12-07
0THROUGH PAssENGERTK..xs
Madison, Bel0a, Chicago,
And all Eastern and Northern Citias

81 daily, over the Eastern division, with
Pullman Palace Sleeping Cars
On each train between st. Paul, Madison and
Chicago.
The Western Division of the Chicago, St Paul
Minneapolis and Omaha Line, known as the 81
Paul & Sioux City Railroad, with its various
branches, commencing at st. Paul reaches into
Iowa, Dakota and Nebraska, passing through the
thriving young cities and towns of Shakopee, St
Peter, Mankato, Worthington, and through LIE
Mars to Sioux City, C-laha and Council Bluffs
and with branch liz - reaches Blue Earth City
and Woodstock, Mimi, BOOK, Iowa, and Siou,
Falls, Dakota.
The perfect connection of this line AT COUN.
GIL BLUFFS IN Union depot with frst-clasa
lines of road for all points in Central and Western
Missouri for Kansas, Texas, Nebraska, Colorado
California, Arizona, New and Old Mexico make,
it worthy of being called
The Old Reliable Sioux City Line,
Besides it is the only line to the Southwes.
ThrOuuh the 7 Great Cities
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-12-07
John B. Cough is well enough to re-
sumo his lectures.

One third of ali who die IN active middle life
are carried off By consumption. The most fire.
quent cause is a neglected cold, cough, hoarse-
ness, bronchial trouble or asthma, all OF which
TRAG 81 4E6 Hu W 9y HERR Sold Sold
by druggists.
Bishop Paddock, of Washington ter
rito-y, is reported seriously i'll st his
former home in Norwich, Conn.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-12-07
November Profits of Fund w,
Or So. 20 PROFITS FOR THE
MONTH OF NOVEMBER.
PROFITS PAID FIRST OF EACH MONTH.

RsThis statement gives clear and fun account and
date of the first trade made down to the present time
thus fully showing house 20 be the first and oldest
house operating capital on the Cooperative Plan.
Rt- Fund w has been so long in operation it has
attained position and force in the market which
makes its future profitable of much easier and
certain attainment.
AS the Fund becomes more fully subscribed for, we
enabled to take larger trades, fully protected by
heavy margins, thus increasing the percentage Of
profits
Shares for Fund W now being subscribed for. No
liability to the Shareholder beyond the amount in
vested.
ANY shareholder who may become dissatisfied or for
any cause wish to sell his stock send it to
office, and it will be Cashed at its full face value by
Fund " Company.
We also execute orders for the purchase or sale of
GRAIN Provisions and Stocks margins for large or
small individual traders, and for Stocks Bonds and
other investment securities
G5-Ihe Cash ProTtts paid to Shareholders
of Fund w, for the past FOUR N ONTHS,
haze amounted to Deer 100 per cent their
Investment, Tearing the original Investment
making money, or payable or demand.
All money goes into the working fund az soon az re-
ceived, and draws dividends from all future profits
made Immediately after entering the fund.
The large circular gives full explanations and rtic
ularS They sent free on application.
Shares for sale now in Fund w. Advances
made on Consignnents. Address
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-12-07
STATENIENT

Dvidends are paid the first Of each month To or.
of-tolon Subscribers a Draft is sesst by Mail
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08
Enthusiastic.

The other night, just after the pools
had closed and seuicd JiIv political fate
of more than one candidate whose
chances a few days before had been SC
bright, worn-out looking tramp en-
tered a saloon where hilarous party
of men were drinking, and dropping
his bundle near the wall he approached
the bar and asked of a man who
seemed to be master of liquid cere.
monies
"Say, whose elected 7"
"Smitherton," exclaimed the man
The tramp had just arrived in the
city and knew nothing of Arkansas
politics, but he grasped the hand Of
the master of liquid ceremonies anc
yelled;
"Shake, old pard. You bet l call
ed the turn. Never worked so hard
for man in my life. Smitherton.
Well, by George. Give me sou."
"Who oelse of our ticket is elected 2
he asked of the master.
"Blickshire."
"Well, by George, we'll have tC
take another drink on that. Black
shire, by the-little of the same if yor
please"
The tramp's enthusiasm attracted
attention and ardent men came up anC
pressed his hand.
"Say," yelled the follower of NJ
particular god of ambition, "who wa
the worst defeated on the other side ?
"Snackles."
"Snackles? -? Well, by the duce
oh but we've got 'em. Well have t.
drink on his defeat. Some of th'
same" He slapped the leader anC
struck the bar with political en-
thusiasm. "Let's see," he exclaimed
"what was-what's the majority con
ceded to-to-oh, what was the ma
jority?"
"Of Nelson ?"
eyes /; what was Nelson's majority?
"Two hundred"
ooh, by George, we've got 'enl
Well have to drink on that"
"On what?" exclaimed the maste
Of liquid ceremonies.
"On Nelson's majority"
"Why, you blamed fool, life was Of
the other side !"
"You misunderstood me. meal
that if this majority is no more thal
200 we can afford to drink"
"Where do you live ?" asked tn
master.
"Now listen to that. Ask an oil
citizen where he lives That's too baC
Well drink on that"
"Hold on; don't be so rash. Ar
you a Democrat or Republican 2"
"Now / know we'll have to drink.
"Get out of here" and the maste
kicked the tramp over to bis bundl
and then kicked him out of the hous
When the tramp met his companio
a few moments afterward he asked
"What luck ?"
"None. ! struck a prayer meetin!
Did you do anything ?"
81 never fail. / struck q crowd {
my constituents and lushed. A ma
never losses anything by keeping u
with the politics of the country y
Arkansaw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

He was an old bachelor, courting a
maiden in the parlor. '1 have my
faults" said he, and the maiden's little
sister Clipped in, 80 you have
false teeth, false hair, and brother says
he believes you're the bully old boy
with a glass eye."- "--Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

Jennie June declares that there are
no scientific dressmakers in this coun-
try. The trouble is, the fashionable
dressmaker lavishes all her scientific
attainments in making out the bill.
There's where all the science goes.-
Norristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

An Arkansaw woman knocked down
her husbands gun and was killed
One of the neighbors speaking to the
husband about the sad affair, said
"That was indeed a sad affair. You
can never replace her." eyes" re-
piled her husband, taking two of hi.
children into his lap, "but there's one
consolation. That old gun never has
failed tokill yet.-Arkansaw Traveller
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

where's the molasses, Bill?" said
woman sharply to her son, who had
returned. with an empty jug. "None
in the city, mother. Every grocer
has a big blackboard outside, with the
letters chalked on it, N. o. molasses." "
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

The reason that the Highlanders
suffered so terribly from mosquitoes
in the Egyptian campaign, was that
their outworks were SO unprotected it
was a kneesy thing to get bite, and
not diff-kilt matter to get away
Lowell Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

An Ohio farmer is said to have the
following warning posted conspicuously
on his premises "If any mans or
woman's cows or oxen gifts in this
here oats, his or her tail will be cut of
AS the case NAV be."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

has ordered for the fancy ball. "It
is ravishing, but my husband-will
he not find the-the train a trife
short?' "Not at all, madame" re-
plies the modiste, "after | shall pre-
sent my bill."-Elevated Railway
Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

1t is blessed good thing to witness
brand new play, because there is nc
danger of the idiot behind you telling
his friend what's going to happen
next.-New York Commercial Ad
yertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

"And now l ASK" said Mr.. Tai
mage, striking the Bible heavy
blow, "what is the distinctive feature
of to-day's religious press?" To clip
without giving credit, Mr.. Talmage.
Arkansas Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

This is the difference between the
much talked of speculation in caout-
chouc and game of whist: One is
a corner in rubber, and the other is a
rubber in the corner.-Lowell Cour-
Ter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

1t is an undeniable fact that nearly
all centenarians are poor and have
been poor all their lives. If you
wish to live to a good old age, young
man, never advertise.-Boston Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

The New York Graphic prints pic
lures of "the great diamonds of the
world" There is about thirty Of
these precious stones, and the most sur
prising thing about them is the fact
that not a single one is owned by
an editor. Newspaper men never die
care much for jewelry anyhow.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

A fashion exchange says: "There
will be no change in skirts during the
winter season." This will send the
gaunt wolf bowling to the door of the
poor ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Ar.
gus
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

We suppose the object of the enter.
prising cigar manufacturers who brand
their goods with the names of popular
newspapers is to induce the editors to
puff them.-Elevated Railway Jour.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

The number of letters mailed in
the United States in 1881, was as fol-
lows: Domestic letters 1,046, ,107 ,34S
and foreign letters 43,632,547.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

One day toward night fall, and in
uncertain light, man bought an
overcoat of pretended plum color.
The next morning it proved to be of
a quite too unmistakable green. Re-
turning it to the shopkeeper, that
worthy regarded the buyer calmly,
and said: "You must have little
patience with it, my dear sir it isn't
ripe yet. lie Figaro.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

The papers are boasting of the del
icacy of pair of scales at the New
York Assay Office, which are so
nicely balanced that the mere writing
of name on the back of one of two
pieces of paper exactly alike will turn
the scale in its favor. This is equal
ly true, however, of any board of
bank directors.-Lowell Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

A man with a plugged half dollar
in his pocket is troubled by the pangs
of conscience until he drops it in the
contribution box at church.-New
York Commercial Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

Mrs. Gadabout was visiting the
Foggs and had brought her three
noisy boys with her. "Yes," she re-
piled to some remark about the ur.
chins, "they are all father" "Good
heavens !" muttered Fogg, 81 only
wish they were all father. | shall go
mad if they remain here much long
er."-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

The numberof immigrants who ar
rived in the United States, during the
year 1881, was 669,431.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

"Hold the forte for / am com
ingw said the muscular man, as
his pals staggered ON stairway un-
der the weight of the piano.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08
Detroit & Bav City Railroad,
GOING SOUTH

Day and Evening Express daily, Sundays except
ell. Night Express daily, Saturdays excepted.
II. b. LEDYARD, HENRY O. WENTWORTH,
GenI Manager, Gcn'l Pass. & Ticket Agt.,
Detroit Mich Chicago, ILL.,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

Madame comes TO inspect the cos
tune of a tambourine girl which she
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08
Advertising Rates.

business Cards, year. dollar for every line.
Local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion,
and all notices continued for three months longer
discount of 25per cent.
Advertisements unaccompanied by verbal or written
directions will be published three months.
Advertisements, under contract, ordered out To-
fore expiration Of time, will be charged full rates
No paper discontinued until all arrearages are paid,
except at the option of the publisher.
Transient Advertisements must be paid In advance.
BS6-Terms CASH, payable quarterly.
Only Metal Cuts inserted.
Prices and Terms alike to all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

The population of Canada, in 1881,
was 352,0S0.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

The latest thing in cradles-the
new baby.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

To get up dinner of great variety
cooks should be allowed wide range
.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

A statistician has estimated that
courtships average three tons of coal
each.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

We sneer at the Siamese for wor-
Shipping the elephant; but think of
the money that is paid here annually
just to see it.-Cincinnati Saturday
NIL
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

The latest thing in cradles-thc
new baby.-Free Press.
To get up dinner of great variety
cooks should be allowed a wide range
-Ex.
A statistician has estimated that
courtships average three tons of coal
each.-Ex.
Was it Solomon who first proposed
to part the heir in the middle ?-Bos-
ton Star.
How paradoxical is man. First he
lies and then stands-to his lie.-New
York News.
Coming to want doesn't always
cause man to want work.-Cincin-
natl Saturday Night.
Men who have money to loan take
the greatest possible interest in their
business.-Free Press.
1t may be set down as an axiom
that when a person grows fat he grows
waistful.-Boston Transcript.
When a powder magazine blows
up, it can, we suppose, be called flash
literature.-New Jersey Enterprise.
Archimedes invented the slang
phrase, "Give us rest," when he
offered to move the world with his
lever.-Ex.
"Where are the men of '76~ shrieks
an excited exchange. Oh, to Hall
fax with the men of '76. Give us the
women of 23!-Ex.
Many young men complain of the
cost of courtship, but in the long run
it is not so expensive as "seeing the
boys" boston Star.
Eyes, the electric light is great
invention" muttered Flub, as he felt
about the door, can every keyhole
should have one. Boston Globe.
Is it right to say, "Coals in Boston
are cheap" or Goal in Boston is
cheap pY'-Thomas. Neither is right,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

Was it Solomon who first proposed
to part the heir in the middle ?-Bos-
ton Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

"Where are the men of '76~ shrieks
an excited exchange. Oh, to Hall
fax with the men of '76. Give us the
women of % !-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

How paradoxical is man. First he
lies and then stands-to his lie.-New
York News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-11-08

Archimedes invented the slang
phrase, "Give us rest when he
offered to move the world with his
lever.-Ex.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-08-24
Mistaken Policy.

Some one has been laundering Of late
in ireland in a manner that promises
little good to the Gladstone government.
First, thick headed officials arrested
Henry George, the distinguished writer
aud few days later thickcr-headcd
officials caused the arrest and ncarcera-
ton of f. Dyer Grey, NJ p. for publish
ing in ispaper, the Freeman Journal,
letter from the editor of United Ireland
accusing the jury i'll Il recent murder
trial of being drunk on the nigh; pre-
vioue to the day the verdict was given
Accompanying the letter, in the journal
was an article commenting thereon
Furthi> oncnsc Grey. who is not only an
NJ T. but High sheriff of Dublin, was
sentenced to three months imprison-
laapt and 70 pay q fine Of G50o. The
The arrest and conviction was made
under the new repression act This ac-
ton Of the English Government will not
tend to Increase the respect in which it
is held in English speaking countries
The freedom Of the press translated into
official vemacular, evidently means free
dom within certain circle the circum-
ference Of which is marked with death
line for those journals which venture to
Step outside.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-08-24
An Encounter OF Wits.

A good story is told of an encounter
and Saphir. One evening Laube's
comedy ''Robcoco' had been given with
much success. On the following after
noon Saphir had matinee in the same
theater, at which he recited some hui
morous poems of his own. After the
recital Laube came on the stage to see
him. Il actually believe" said Saphir,
that the public yawned and fell asleep
to-day while | was speaking" Just
so, said Laube, peeping through hole
in the curtain; ''there is man still
asleep on one of the benches" You
are mistaken" calmly replied Saphir,
THAT man has been asleep ever since
last eyening?'' ''Did you see my come
dy last EVENING"" asked Laube. Il
did, - was the answer, "bu. | would not
60 to hear it again for a million" A
week later the third performance of the
comedy was to take place. On the
morning of the same day Saphir re-
ceived neat little perfumed note, with
the following contents: please accept
these lines from one of your most ard
ent admirers in a kindly spirit. May l
hope that you will grant me the favor
of meeting you for quarter Of an hour?
You would thereby render me the hap
piest of mortals. 1 shall go with man.
ma to the Burg theater this evening.
Our seats will be 109 and 10 in the
parquet. During the last interlnission
| shall beg mamma to excuse me for n
moment and Sc this opportunity to
meet you in the courtyard to the right
of the guards house." Saphir, who was
great admirer of the fair sex, could
not resist this temptation, and in the
evening he duly made his appearance
at the theater. On seat No. ITO he no.
ticed charming young girl. He kept
his eyes fixed on her, and, when the in
PERMISSION came at last, he saw her
leave her scat. He at once started for
the door, when he encountered Laube.
VERY glad to see you here again to see
my comedy" he said "Ah, yes" re-
piled Saphir; Il came to renew my i'm
pressions." Laube smiled: "a few
days ago, my dear Saphir, you told me
that you would not see my comedy
again for million. But now you have
been induced to return by few simple
lines written by my wife. Good night :"
He was going to move away with a
smile, when Saphir called him back.
Not bad joke, | admit. Only it's a
pity you did not introduce it in your
comedy, and give the audience at least
one chance to laugh. "-LOndOn Truth.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-08-24
Chambers Chance.

Ii is now limited that with all the
money appropriated for expenditure at
the last session il will be found impossi-
hlc to commence the building of the two
steel vessels decided on by Congress as
the beginning ofa new navy. 1t is also
asserted that Secretary Chandler is
thoroughly familiarizing himself with
naval affairs and the condition of the
department to the end that systematic
Improvement may bc begun and Judi
ciously carried out. If Mr.. Chandler
can make any improvement in depart
ment which has become the laughing
stock and by WORT of the country he
will have immortalzcd his name With
annual appropriations sufficient if I'M
derStandingly used to provide the ma
ton with navy on the high seas rather
than navy on paper, the suspicion is
very generally prevalent that somebody
is responsible for the enormous and
startling discrepancy between the
amounts appropriated and the net res
ults. An appropriation of millions is
thrown into the naval hopper and after
time is ground out-a repaired cruiser
of questionable sea-going qualities. If
nothing better than this can be accom-
plished the sooner this department is
f;-ooptipuad the better
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1882-08-24
Blaine's Feelings.

In conversation on the cars, says
the Chicago Journal night or two ago,
the Hon. James G. Blaine is reported to
have said to friend
As feel now, nothing would induce
me to enter into contest for any pub
lie position. went into public life with
General Garfield. We were associated
together, and were warm personal and
political friends from that time forth.
entered his Cabinet from the Senate to
indentify myself with his administra-
ton. was in full harmony with his
views, and his death seemed to complete
the era in American politics to which we
both belonged. have no regrets nor
any rcvenges to satisfy. l have thou
sands of warm friends whose esteem and
regard is of priceless value to me. 1t
will always be my pleasure to serve
them. | am content with the past, and
| find the greatest pleasure in the pur-
suit of my private affairs. / am ardent
ly Republican, and shall take an &C
tive interest in public affairs as long as
| live, but as / feel now could not en-
ter any contest for any public position.