The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-10-13
HUMOROUS

| IL 10 statcu tuul tnct nave CucuuiUeTb
two feet long in Kentucky, but they do
not say how long they have the collie.
1t remained for an Ohio boy to for
mulate the great truth that onions are
not good unless you cat them yourself.
Up in.Missouri they are just beginning
to break themselves of holding up their
hands every time stranger enters the
car.
Beecher thinks no torment can sur
pass that oft hay fever. Mr.. Beecher,
you just make love to girl with a
small brotherl
The best reason yet advanced for hav-
ing Monday washing day, the next day
after Sunday, is because cleanliness is
next to godliness.
Those people who want to know why
printers call the boy "the DEVIL" can
readily bring themselves to understand
it by employing boy for few days.
When a Georgia weather prophet
makes mistake on a prediction, he
goes and hangs himself. This accounts
for the scarcity of weather prophets In
Georgia.
The name of new book is "Bache-
lors and Butterflies" 1t is not until
| the bachelors get married and go TO
housekeeping that they find ont how
the butter flies.
Lightning struck Nevada man the
other day while he was swearing. 1t
would, however, take mighty smart
stroke of lightning to hit Nevada man
when he is not swearing.
A Lexington Ny) youth who went
to work in the country, wrote his girl,
June graduate, that he was raising q
calf. Imagine his feelings when the
girl replied; 81 am glad you have be-
gun TO support yourself"
ga newspaper under the vest makes
a capital chest protector" Care should
be taken, however, TO select paper on
which there is nothing due. Dew
creates dampness, ond the wear
might catch cold therefrom.
"'-- 'Io'V'.o'u, ugcu ninety-ou
years, walked nine miles to renew his
subscription to a New London paper.
1t is general impression among pub
fishers that there are number of sub.
scribers who are waiting until they are
ninety-one years old to come and pay
for their paper.
Mile dc Rothschid's rcnunciation of
her Jewish faith in order TO marry the
Prince Alexander dc Wagram, illus
trates not very uncommon belief
among women that, provided they are
Oh the right track in pursuit of hus.
band, it doesn't matter much by what
road they reach Heaven.
GLOW profoundly still and beautiful
is the night" she whispered, resting
her fincly-veincd temple against his
coat collar, and fixing her dreamy eyes
on the far-oG Pleiades; chow soothing,
how rcstful." eyes" he replied, toy
ing with the golden aurerla of her hair,
land what a night to shoot cats!"
"What Ails This Heart of Mine?" is
the heading to story that is going the
rounds OF the papers. We suppose he
saw his girl ont riding with another
2
fellow. There is nothing that makes
the heart get up and pound ribs and
carrom on the other vital parts and
Jump up and down like churn dasher,
as sight like that.
An article in an exchange is headed
"Jay Gould TO Sue for Reputation"
What man who is worth fifty millions
of dollars wants with reputation is
problem too deep for the average mind
to solve. AIR. Gould is rich enough 10
buv a rai,ps-.:---, a. -.
Wen let him have ours for one-third of
his wealth, and not cent less-because
ioS is + ,hf only one we have Norris
hold horse whilst he shod;it. The lad
who found he was not strong enough,
called upon an able-bodied Irishman 10
take his place, and the man, having
d)nc so, the blacksmith commenced
the operation of shoeing one of the
horses hind feet. The animal, how
ever, kicked ont tiercely, and the shoer
shouted, "Mikc, what for diyna ye keep
the beast quiet!' "Bedad, sor," re-
piled Mike, "my end av him is quiet
enough; it's your end av the baste that's
making all the ructionl"