Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-10-27
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ssFOOLING GINERAL SHERMAN, -
About six miles out of Savannah, came
across farmer who accepted plug of TO-
bacco and was ready to sit down on log
and answer all questions. When 1 asked
him about Sherman's approach, he burst
into loud laugh and slapped his leg, and
was so tickled that be did not calm down
for two minutes.
Excuse me, stranger" he finally said.
shut whenever think Of how I fooled
Gineral Sherman it tickles me all over.''
ibid you fool hlm?"
ssWall, rather reckon
ssHow?''
.Wall, you see, that's my place up thar
on the rise. When the war broke out l
was the most cantakerous rebel you ever
saw. I swore I'd fight and fout and fit
till we licked the Yanks, if it took hun
bred years. I reckon Gineral Sherman
heard Of it. ;"
Probably he did,
ssAnd after he took Atlanta he made up
his mind to gobble me. He knew I'd swore
to die before I'd surrender, and he came
along down from Atlanta with over 10000
to surround me. Mighty cute old man.
that Gineral Sherman!''
Yes"
s.Wall, they got here one night about 10
O'Clock. I reckon that nigh onto 10000 of
them surrounded my house up thar and
called for me to come out and surrender
aud end the war;
land of course you did,"
ssAnd of course 1 didn't! That's whar
the fun came in. wasn't home at al,
but was down in Virginny with Lee. They
entered the house and sarched and sarched
and went to the barn and called and called,
and when the old woman finally told
'em wasn't home they was the maddtst
set you ever sot eyes on. They had hoof-
ed it all the way from Atlanta to get their
paws on me, and had their long tramp fo'
nothin! [ expect Sherman was ready to
bust with madness, and l reckon he won't
never quite forgive me. 1t tickles the old
woman wuss than it tickles me, and you'd
better come up to the house and hear her
tell what them 1000 Y ankees said when
they got here and found me gone"
HE KNEW HIS FAILINGs.-I used to
often wonder whether the proprietor of a
railroad eating house of the third class or
der ever racked his brains to imagine what
man thought after having chewed away
Of 0f hull hoof q n "a
sandwich and disguised his stomach with
cup of slop, at being told that the charge
was rs cents. The wonder ceased last
spring while making trip through Vir-
ginia. The table was covered with flies
the meat and coffee stone cold, and the
butter was frowsy and the milk sour. MOI
one of US ate six mouthfuls. [ was the
first one to pass out, and, as l approached
the cashier, he said:
bad dinner-mighty bad?h Eyes"
Toughest beef and sloppiest coffee you
ever SAW" Just So"
"Flies thick enough to disgust rhinoc-
eros ?" Exactly
And perfect imposition on the public
to charge rs cents?" ssYou bet it isl
You'll take care TO warn your friends
not to stop hereg" s'If | don't may be
shOt!''
'.All of which, coolly continued the
man, s'is repeated over and over every day
in the year, and with all of which l per-
fectly agree. Seventy-fve cents please.
For dinner?'' mo, sir-for taking NJ
wv nI,,o h1a tir,o opd fo holm nav NV rant
to the railroad company"
Those who came after me called his
place 'shole,' and called him ''slouch, -
and his table hog trough, and he agreed
with each one, and collected IS cents just
as easy as rolling off log.-DetrCit Free
Press.
REAL ESTATE IMPROVEMENTS lot
far from Chicago are two communities
separated by river, enc settled with in
telligent, Christian people, and the other
with those that are quite the opposite. A
farmer of the latter place said to Deacon
Good
why is it thatyou always get better prices
and reader sales for your lands than we can
when our farms are just as good?"
The deacon explained as best he could
how that good schools, churches, etc., in
creased the price of land wherever they are
established.
In few days the same man called again
on the deacon, and placing a roll of bills in
his bands, said: II have been talking UI
this subject of churches, and we have con.
ciuded to have preaching in our district
We want you to take this money and gel
us a preacher"
II will do my best, replied the deacon.
we'll pleased that he was aboutto be the in
strument of so much good.
what kind do you want? We have Meth
odists, Baptists, .Pfesbyterians and Chris
tians.''
ssOh any that comes handy. We DON care
ad-n what kind it is so as it raises the
price of land.''
HE FEARED THAT THE JUDGE WAS
PREJUDICED.- young Austin lawyer
was appointed to defend a negro who wa:
too poor to hire counsel OF his own. Aftel
the iury was in the box the young lawyer
CHI 4ilenged several jnryman whom his eli
ent said had prejudice against him.
Are there any more jurymen who have
prejudice against your" whispered th'
young lawyer.
No. boss; de jury am all right, DuG now
Iswant you to challenge de Judge. L hal
beS9 convicted under him seven times al
ready. and may be he's beginning to hal
prejudice agin me. Texas Siftinqs.