South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-08-04
WIT AND IIUNro.x.

Gown The plate-warmer with a terrible
tiatter. Sheridan startled and trenbled
Moore. prUv,k d at this scolded the
servant adding: Il suppose sou have
broken all the plates?' No, sir repli.
cd tie servant; mot one Not one 7.
exclaimed Sheridan. rThen. Lano 1,
you have made the noise for nothing
IN his newly published EXPERIENCES
CT a DAhhIsTER's LIFE Mr.. Sergeant Bal.
Iantine tells an amusing story which
Goes not cay much for the decorum of
The Old Midland Circuit, or OF the em
inent lawyers who practiced upon il in
those days. Sergeants we're an institu-
ton. and the old Midland boosted of
many most learned and eminent ones.
Goulburn, Cla.k, Vaughan, Adams.
Hayes, are no mean names, and were ali
oil this rank. But those were times
when even sergeants were not always
distinguished for scbriety; and il SO
happened that upon one particular eve
hinS much conyiyiality had ben indulp.
Gu In, The merry party being congrega-
Ted at hotel where the Judge, Sir
James Allan Parke, was staying. One
OF the body had escaped early, and was
supposed 10 have gone TO bed, contrary
TO all circuit rules. IL was determined
10 seek him; and the whole party. with
rs much stcadiness us they cou,d pre-
serve, entered what they supposed to
he hl' bedroom, and jerked The clothes
Gil the bed OF lis sleeping occupant.
Imagine their horror when they were
confronted by the venerable counte-
nance oi the Judge. Their disappear.
hute was quickly ma lie, and crave de.
liLeratlons were catered into IA IN who,
was 20 be done, and it was determined
that Sergean. Goulburn, grea. favor
lie and friend of his ordship. should ex.
PLAIN and apologize. Accordingly. ex,
morning, with no small trepida.ion. he
proceeded to do so, stating whom i, was
they intended to have awakened. Mono
SAID Sir James, shaking bis head, Bro
ther Goulourn, it was no mistake. for
heard my brother Adams saw, &c, ms
unca,th the CID roxn
he deacou's vie wanted to lot down
the text, and leaning over TO her scape-
grace nephew she whispered: Have
you card about you? You can't MAY
In church, was his solemn reproyinu
answer, and the good woman was SO
Hls!erod she Drgot all about the text.
An Austin man started in Tic livery.
stable business las, week, and the frs,
thing he did was to have n bio sipn
painted, representing him sele holding a
luulc ny the bri,lle. Is tina; good
likeness Of meH' he asked of an admir-
ing friend. Yes, it is perfect picture
81 you, bat who is The fellow holding
you by the hrdle2'
a. good story is tod Of minister. who
happening ono day to pass b. the open
Coor of room where Lis daughters and
some young friends were assembled,
thought, from what he overheard, that
they were making too free with the
character of their neighbors; an after
their visitors had departed, lie gave his
children a lecture on the sinfulness Of
scandal. They answered; But, faith
CT, what shall we talk about?' If you
cant do anything else replied he get
umrkin and roll it about; that will
ut leas; be innocent diversion 4 short
time AFTER an association of ministers
met at his house, ard during the even
ing some discussions on points of doc.
trlne were earnest, and their voices
were so lou as to indicate the dancer
OF losing their christian temper, when
lis eldest daughter oyerhearing them.
produced pumpkin, and entering the
room, gave il TO her father and said -
There, father. roll it about The min
i',cr was obliged 70 explain to his
brethren, and good humor was instant
Jy restored
The moon, like some men, is bright.
est when it is full
Marriage is like corset string. 1t
is the tie that binds.
why i'a blacksmith supposed to be
Gisconso'a,c man?-Bscausc he il al
way either or a strike or else blowing
The way thst Gen. Early became
great man vas by going TO bed Early
aud getting up EARLY.
Doctor, examine my tongue AID tell
me What it needs sail good woman
IT needs tcsi' spevnrod flo tr,,,tc ..t