Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-11-02

up III manner CltdC WOulu lltNe uldue Il llleSS
of green apples hang their heads in shame.
How THE DOCTOR LAID FOR HIM.-The
late DR.. c., of Ashtabula, used in the early
days to take long rides through the wilds 'o1
Ohio. One day he stopped at an old fashioned
tavern and called for dinner.
Among the homespun dainties was glass
of whisky beside his plate which he did not
trouble. After dinner, when paying his bill
the landloyd said:
''Twenyy-fve cents for whiskY.n
(WHICH I did not~tsuch, and never do, .
said thg hgDoctor
''Wehy-it was there, and you could have
had it," replied the landlord.
The Doctor said no more, paid his bill and
left.
Calling again not long after, it was noticed
that the Doctor, upon sitting down to dine
placed his medicine case upon the table
However, nothing was said ut the time.
When he went to pay his bill he brought il
81 for medicine and advice.
but l have had no medicine" said mine
host.
every WE'LL" replied the Doctor. it was or
the table, and you could have had it and
also gave you good advice all the while was
at table,
The nonplused host squared accounts.
WANTED TO MOVE SLowLY.-Last fall
when one of the small towns out West got the
manufacturing fever, the citizens held out fol
capitalists to come there and invest. One
speaker said they could afford to donate ten
acres of ground for factory. Another said
the town could add SOC, 600 brick. A third
moved that the citizens turn out and give
100 days. work OH the building. \ fourth
said he could promise house for the superin.
tendent to live in, and fifth would start a
subscription paper to buy machinery and boil.
ers for the factory. During break in the
popular enthusiasm an old tanner arose and
Solemnly said: ''Gentlemen, l think the enter.
prise of our town will build the chair factory
furnish houses, rent free, for all the operatives
and buy years supply Of lumber to work on,
but when we GO beyond that let's move slowly.
We don't want to promise to buy the foreman
any hair oil or hair dye until we know wheth,
er he is bald-headed or not -
BEAT HIM.-Dan and Flasher were in the
habit of trying their wits on each other
Once they were discussing the relative mer.
it's of rifle VS.. bow and arrow
81 can beat you even at short range" said
Flasher boastingly.
''Try it," said Dan.
They tried Dan discharged an arrow in
pursuit of hen that they saw in yard that
they were passing, and missed the hen.
Flasher, with shot of his rifle, killed the
hen.
''There,' he exclaimed, 81 told you that
could beat you."
But have beat ye, coolly said Dan.
"How can that be You missed the hen,
while killed her,
''Still have beat ye, because you must pay
for the heIl You killed her''
Verdict for Dan from referee.-Free Press.
A CANDIDATE FOR HEAvEN.-Judge Tar.
bell tells the following joke Oh himself: A
short time after his retirement from the bench
he happened to meet all old friend whom he
had not seen for some time. The Judge, all
smiles and heartiness, effervesced over his
friend in such way as to provoke the inquiry
'What office are you Il candidate for now,
Judge?n The Judge made a deprecatory
movement with an outward turned palm and
said: ''For none at all my dear brother I'm
simply a candidate for the kingdom of heav-
en-" His friend regarded him sOrrowfully for
an instant, and then, with more wit than
pOliteness, and more profanity than either,
said ''I'll bet you don't carry d-n town
ship!''
OvER-SHooTING.-A grave and dignifed
catechism by a class of children, was asked to
make few remarks to them, whereupOn he
arose and said II desire, my young friends,
to express an unqualified appreciation Of this
exercise. regard the catechism us the most
admirable epitome of religious belief extant."
The superintendent pulled his sleeve and ask
ed him to explain the word epitome, which he
elucidated as follows: "By epitome, children,
| mean-that is--it is synonymous with synop-
sis.'
"a "What l want to know is who struck the
first blow 20 said an Austin Justice to jim
Webster, who was the principal witness in an
assault and battery case. ''Uncle Ike, dah, he
hit de fust lick, replied jim. care you posi-
tive that Uncle Ike struck the first blow ?'
sob course is. Didn't see him reach out
and hit de fust lick, but how many licks he
hit befo, dat fust one, or how many licks de
udder niggah hit him fust, am more dan I'se
willin to swar to.''
sS ssNow, my son. said West Side cabi-
net maker to his little boy, ''you must re-
member that sins are like nails driven into a
post. Repentance is merely pulling the nails
out, but the scars-the holes remain" ''But,
say" interrupted the youth, ''cant we
kinder putty 'em up, as you do the worm holes
in the rotten bass-wood that you use to make
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