St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-06-09
SqIIibS.

Rev. Mr.. Lyon of Bridgeport preach
ed Sunday night on the national sin.
There was universal exchange of
umbrellas the next morning. Dan
bury News.
"What do YOU do for living ?"
asked an Austin Justice, of huge,
burly negro, who had been arrested
for vagrancy. "My wife takes in
washin', and works out by de day."
II asked you what your trade was P'
81 done tOle yer. A man and his wife
am one, and eff we am one, what do
we want two trades fOr9 My trade
am de washin' my wife takes in" The
justice sighed and said: "Poor fellow.
You are Overworked. You need rest.n
II Texas Siftings.
There are still few persons at large
who will invest their money in mining
stocks in preference to investing it in
Il dog and shooting the dog Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
A sutler has applied for pension,
on account of injuries received during
the late war. Probably he strained
himself in charge. Many of them
were dangerously exposed in that way
when lean cheese cost $I.75 pound,
live weight Burlington Hawkeye.
Isabel Irene "Please shut your
eyes for "A moment, mamma" Mann
ma: "Why ?" Isabel Irene "YOu
said you never wanted to see me take
any sugar, and Pm going to take a
piece now IIarper's Bazaar.
Now that Darwin is gone, we vio-
late no confidence in saying that he al
ways believed Oscar Wilde to he the
missing link Burlington Hawkeye.
1t is now reported that the egg
which Columbus made stand on end
was of very inferior quality, and that
it was not the feat that surprised the
men of science so much as the OdOr of
the egg.-[Vanity Fair.
A Western editor offered Il prize of
$50 and years subscription for the
best written proposal of marriage from
lady. He picked out Il nice propOs-
al from a beautiful and wealthy widow,
answered it accepting the proposal,
and, with the threat of breach of
promise suit, actually captured her.
Editors may not acquire wealth by
writing % hours ii day, but when their
genius takes the right shoot they pro-
cure the persimmOns.
A few rash youths have appeared
with close shaven heads, but in gen
eral the BARRIERS are about three weeks
behind i'll their customary hair CROP
Boston Transcript.
A congressman who doesn't scatter
six or eight bushels of agricultural de-
partment seeds among his cOstituents
must make the next campaign on his
temperance record Ex.
In Zuni land the houses belong to
the women. This saves transfer in
case the man of the house is about to
go into bankruptcy.-[New Haven
Register.
In one lot there are four calves and
in another two young men with their
hair parted in the centre. How many
calves in all ?-[ Detroit Free Press.
When mans hair stands on end,
an ordinary person says his hair
stands; but yOu can't get a doctor to
talk in that way The doctor calls it
hOrripilation. This makes the pa
TENTS hair stick up worse than ever,
but it gives the family confidence i'll
the doctor.
When at home the Chinaman is a
Mongolian. When in the United
States he is IA Mustgolian.
"Yes," said the fish dealer, "trade
has been very dull, but as soon AS
the weather gets better we expect to
sell large strings of trout, perch and
pickerel, evenings, to young men re-
turning from fishing excursions."-
Bonneville journal.
One Sunday, at Montgomery, we
were talking about duels, and when
the names of several parties who had
gone out in the past years to satisfy
their honor were mentioned, the Judge
knocked the ashes off his cigar and
said "Gentlemen, it may be men
toned right here that / have been
there myself" "Were you challeng-
ed p 81 was. 1t was over in South
Carolina, and | called man "A liar.
He sent me IA challenge, and | selected
swords as the weapons. We met at
seven the next morning. 1t was just
such morning as this-bright, beau
tiful, aud full of life" "And how did
you feel ~ every queer. ! never
shall forget my sensations as | saw my
rival, and he seemed to be as visibly
affected. We couldn't either of us say
word" "Was it in the grove 2"
''Oh, no !; it was at the depot" "The
depot Why, you didn't fight at the
depot, did you?' ''Well, no. The
morning express trains passed there at
seven, and he took one and | the 9th
err Detroit Free Press.