Connecticut western news., 1882-10-04
ADVERTISING RATES:
WIT AND WISDOM.

ships average three tons of coal each.
 OPEN your mouth and purse cautious ly, and your stock of wealth and repu- tation shall, at least in repute, be great.
 GREAT minds, like Heaven, are pleased in doing good, though the ungrateful subjects of their favors are barren in return.
 THE perfection of conversation IS not to play regular sonata, but. like the Eolian harp to await the inspiration ot passing breeze.
 OUR minds are as different as our faces we are all travelling to our dest1- nation-happiness; but few are going by the same road.
 No MAN can possibly improve in any company for which he has not respect enough to be under some degree of re- straint.
 THE Boston Post now thinks that If Arabi was any such person as old man Sprague, the English wouldn't have got a foothold in Egypt.
 You WOULD live longer and happier if you would only be quiet and fretless. The man who takes life as 1t comes and makes the best of it is the one who gets most out of it.
 THE way the servants at summer re- sort hotel would prefer to have the notice read: ssWaiters will report any inatten- tion on the part of theguests. ."-Loa0eU Citizen.
 How carrier, in throwing a news- paper oyer transome, can always man- age to make it fall in pail of water IS something that cannot be explained by modern philosophers. s.--ArkansaD 1Tdc- eIer.
 ONLY as brother: "My teeth are all full of sand," said the fairest bather ID the surf. "All right, hand them out, said an admirer; "and I'll rinse them off for you." And now she regards him only as brother.
 PRIDE, ill-nature, and want of senses are the three great sources of ill-man- ners without some one of these defects no man will behave himself ill for want of experience, or what, in the language of fools, is called knowing the world.
 SHE laid her head on the easy chair against his head and murmured: "How I do love to rest my head against your head, Augustus" 'sDo you, dearest p'' said he; "Is it because you love mer 'No; becaase it is so nice and soft"
 IT is folly for an eminent man to think of escaping censure, and weak ness to be affected with it. All the it. lustrious persons of antiquity, and in- deed of every age in the world, have passed through this fiery persecution. A BOOK of three hundred and fifty pages has been written to prove that sharks do not eat human beings. The author of the work has declined an offer of S1, 900 to jump into the harbor at Key West and settle the dispute.-De-
 troit Free Press.
 A MAN if he really tries can find con- solation in every event of life. "Ah; well," said an old farmer as he came home from the funeral, "we've buried good man when we buried poor Wuzzles Howsomever, yer can't get no good out of the ground 'thout you put some good in."
 A YOUNG lady being addressed by gentleman much older than herself, ob- served that the only objection she had to union with him was the probability of his dying before her and leaving her to the sorrows of widowhood. To which he made the complimentary reply:
 ssBlessed is the man who hath virtu-
 ous wife, for the number of his days shall be doubled"
 EDISON has obtained over three hum
 dred and fifty different patents, and is
 is still applying. It is strongly sus-
 pected that he intends to start paper next year, and expects to run the circu- lation up to fifty thousand by giving
 each subscriber patent. This would be slight improvement on the map
 and chromo scheme. - NorTSStoa0's Herald. AT the restaurant: After struggle disespaired against bifteck who resists } heroically and does not let himself be cut, 8 client arrests himself exhausted, ' and, posing his fork, appeals to the boy: , els this of the beef or of the horse Y
 No, mister, it is of the mule." "Oh,
 then, I have nothing to say, for the mule
 is most enheaded p-( (Entete-stub-
 born.) And the unhappy diner contin- ues the struggle uninterrupted.
 A BRADFORD lady's husband was de |: tained late one night at his business in B Haverhill, and could not join whist B party to which he had been invited , "Why didn't Charlie come?" asked the f host. "Because," answered his wife; r Che had to stay at the store-(after g n vain search for the word she wanted)- @ teetering his accounts" Balancing ' t was the word she was hunting for. s "MARY," said he, gazing into her a bright eyes, "can you tell me why you !. are like the weather ?" |" Give il = up," said Mary, quite promptly. "Be' r cause" said Charley, "you are so con t founded changeable, you knows' r "very good," said Mary, "but car @ you tell me, Charley, why you are no n like the weathert" Charley having @ failed to guess, she added, "because thu J. paper here says the weather is going te @ clear off," Charley looked serious ana n began searching for his hat.-Bostos !. Transcript. > MR. MUnHAn1, the statistician, telll