Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-09-25
LA CREME DIES cHRoNIoUss.
What the Alleged wi OF Paris Find to
Say in their Newspapers

When NJ. Aurelien Schell and Baron
Harden. Hickey arrived at the Dutch from.
tier on their recent excursion with view
to dueling, the Customs Inspector glanced
at their baggage and remarked
"Ah, swords? Swords are dutiable, sir.
Seven francs each, if you please. Step this
way %
And he politely ushered the duelists into
the office, where they paid the duty. Then
ne wished them good day politely, and they
| stepped out and into the arms of gen.
darme, who contiscated the weapons.
The idea of making a man pay duty or
his goods, and then selling them, may be
commended to the Tariff Commission.
An aged peasant learns that the village
doctor, to whom he had advanced some
small sums, had just passed away, leaving
nothing but debts.
There p says he to his vile, with
delighted chuckle, if l hadn't had the
good luck to have that fit of inf ammatory
rheumatism two months ago, where would
my money be-"
Prince ", noble stranger Who has
been III Paris precisely forty. eight hours,
is asked
"Wel, Prince, what do you think of our
Partisan women, Ell %
Charming creatures, indeed, but you
know from what I've seen OF them SO far |
am not sure as to the constancy of their
affections, you know"
A lawyer, certain case being called,
asks the Court to grant postponement for
week.
" Bat you do not appear in this case at
all, says the Court.
" know, your Honor, but my brother
X, being unavoidabIy detained, asked NE
to"
The request is granted" said the
Court; but another time don't take any.
body else's shortcomings on your shoulders
you have as mucn as you can do TO carry
your own.
farmer is induced to hire hand
through the assurance of the latter that he
never IS tired in harvest tina.
Toward ii o'clock the farmer happens
round to the field where the newly ac-
CURED treasure is working, and finds him
laziiy extended on the ground.
How Is this 2 yelIs the farmer. al
thought you told me you never were tired,
and yet here find you stretched out and
resting yourself before the day has been
fairly begun"
Just SO ~ replied the man with phil
osophic smile, If didn't I'd soon be tired
like the rest of them F"
A physician falls into fit while making
q round OF visits, and is carried into drug
store.
Send for DIR. e" says somebody.
No, 70, not for him, says the dying
man feebly, at the mention OF his rivals
name "it he brought me round it would
advertise him l prefer to die"
Another anecdote of prince of science
de has been called in to give his opinion
on a case where the patient complains of
severe pam in the hip, which several other
princes OF scienc- have identified as indi-
eating divers different complaints.
There's nothing wrong IN there " saws
the new-eoinsr, positively, after examin-
ing the patient.
But, doctor, - protest the other
surgeons, each reoiting his diagnosis.
On, perhaps you know better than l
DO! screams the prince of science, who
does not tolerate contradiction. 81 tell
you there's nothing wrong with the man,
and I'll prove it. (Seizes knife and with
the speed of thought excavates trench
IN the patient, laying bare the bone)
There, gentlemen, you can see for your
selves there was nothing the matter with
him!"
Here, waiter, glass of beer!"
Beer, sir: Yes, sir! Instantly, sir ~
After lapse CT three or four minutes,
the waiter having remained rooted to the
spot, the would-be customer shouts again
Ho, waiter That beeri"
The waiter moving away at a snail's
pacel-" In minute. sir III run off and
get it now, sir -
Guest You'll run? If that is what you
call running, what do you do when you
walk z"
Waiter tpromptlyl-"I cit down. sir