Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-02-25
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

ABUNDANCE, like want, ruins many )"
however, let us risk it on the abundance.
"DoN'T give me q weigh" pleaded
the fat girl when invited to step on the
scales.
WHEN a girl rejects an offer of mar
riage she goes through sleight OF hand
performance.
THE end to be attained in the invest
ment of money is the divid end.-Steu-
benuiLle Herald
If GEORGE WASHINGTON cannot have
monument he has had pie named for
him, and that is better.
AN OLD negro says "Sass is power
full good in everything but children.
Dey need some other kind of dressing. !"
THE editor who called Chicago Chris
tan country ought to be better posted
in religious geography.-Boston Times.
"PRDE goes before fall" True
enough, but pint of corn whisky can
give pride hundred and beat it every
time.
AN EDITOR wrote a personal about a
young man going to spark his girl.
When it was printed he was Mortified to
see the letter On" substituted for the
"r" in the word spark. Whitehall
Times.
"HAvE place for everything and
everything in its place" Somehow or
other this won't work we have big
place for our wealth, but we'll be hanged
if we can put it there we haven't it !
Evansville Argus.
"DoEs our talk disturb you?" said
one of company of talkative ladies to
on old gentleman sitting in railroad
station the other afternoon. "No,
ma'am," was the naive reply, "Tve been
married night on to forty years. '-Hart-
ford Times.
"WHEN die let me be buried in the
stove, so that my ashes may mingle with
the CRATE" says the paragrapher of the
| Boston Star. In the stove the gentle
man s ashes will scarcely mingle with
| the CRATE the chances are he will gently
simmer as base burner.
A MILLER In Peru, Ind, fell asleep in
| his mill and bent forward till his hair
got caught in some machinery and was
yanked out; and, of course, it awakened
him, and his first bewildering exclama-
ton was "Durn it, wife, what's the
| matter now ?"-Bosto,s Post.
A VERY gushing young lady turned to
Mr.. Snap and asked him in passionate
tones Oh-ah-Mr Snap, tell me
What-what-i your idea of real happi-
ncss?" Mr.. Snap-"Never reached the
:ull meaning Of the word, yet, but /
! guess pork and beans would cover the
! ground"
"YOU are on the wrong tack, said the
pilots vile, when the hardy son Of the
ioud-sounding sea sat down on it and
arose with the usual EXPLANATIONS.
No." he replied, after critical exami-
nation, 6 I'm ON the right tack, but shoot
me dead if I amt on the wrong end OF
it. "-BurljnGton Haokeye.
Have some more of the pie" urged
Mrs. Slobson to her boarders, who oh.
5tinately refused. Again she urged
tuem, adding: eff you don't eat it I'll
nave to throw it away. It won't keep
much longer" Strange to say, then
appetit, departed. This is one Of the
amenities of boarding house life.
WHEN You are coming up the cellal
stairs with bucket OF coal III one hand
two pies and plate Of butter in tn,
other, and loaf Of bread under eacl
arrn, it is exceedingly trying to You
Christian fOrtitude to have woman vel
down and caution you not to forget TIN
preserves on the swinging shelf in til
corner of the cellar, next to the curren
Jelly. Been there. haven't you?- WI
Transport Breakfast Table.