Sacramento daily record-union., 1882-05-12

JOKES OF THE CONDUCTORS.

Peck's Milwaukee Sun says that railroad
conductors are nearly all inclined to be prac-
tical iokers, and those in the West es.
pecially SO. As an example it tells of two
it knows Fred Cornes and Rumsey are
representative conductors, in regard to fun,
and each is laying for the other to play
joke. Not long ago Rumsey hired pas
senger that was going out on Fred 3 train.
fellow who had three cat boils on his
face, to get into the refrigerator in one cor
ner of the car, and wnen Fred came to
pull him out to tell him he had the small
pox. The scheme worked splendidly, and
Fred went into the baggage-car and washed
himself all over in tin wash-basin with
bar soap, and stopped the train at Brook
field junction and let the passenger get
off without paying, that being his desti-
nation. As the train was moving off the
passenger yelled to Cornes and told him
if he saw Rumsey in Milwaukee to tell
him that the cat boils passed him through
all right. Cornes at once saw through
the joke, and laid for Rumsey. A spell
ago the two met, and both were tired, so
Fred suggested that they take a Turkish
bath and go up to his house and get
dinner, and then lay down and have a
good sleep. Rumsey consented, if Fred
would promise to wake him up at 3
o'clock, as he had an engagement to meet
a lumberman who wanted to buy some
of his pine land. Fred agreed, and they
went up to the house on Keewaunee
street, near the school.house, where
Fred comes home once in while, and went
to bed. After they had slept for couple
of hours Fred got up and darkened the
windows, lit the gas in the room and turned
the clock ahead to half.past seven o'clock.
Fred's wife was let into the joke, and she
darkened the rooms down stairs, and the
hall, and lit all the gas. Then Fred went
up and woke Rumsey, who yawned and
rolled over. Fred said he didn't like to
disturb his guest, but he and his wife were
going to the thester that evening" and his
wife had got her things on. Rumsey looked
at the gas burning, and then at the clock,
and saying, "This is a pretty trick to
play on a gentleman" he jumped out of
bed and got into his pants. AS he pulled
on his boots he told Fred that was the last
time he would catch him in that house.
81 have been drugged," said he, as he
grabbed cigar and his coat and vest and
started down stairs. He stopped in the
hall by the dim gaslight to button his sus-
penders, and pulling on his vest, he took
his coat on his arm, yelled an adieu to
Mrs. Cornes and opened the door and
jumped to the middle of the sidewalk Let
Rumsey tell the rest Of the story. Says
he, 81 pledge you my word that it was
light as day. The sun was shining brighter
than l ever saw it, and more than
million children were coming out of
the school. house. When they saw me
come out of the house on hop, skip and
jump, they thought had been fired out,
and they gave me a big laugh. looked
around sort of innocent, just as though
always came out of houses that way, and
then put on my coat and looked at my
watch, and it was just o'clock. My first
impulse was to go back into the house and
murder Cornes, but he stood at the window
with his wife, looking so sorry, that just
lit my cigar and walked off. But l am
laying for him, now, and don't you forget
it. No man can play me for a snoozer.
You just wait. Some day you will hear
more about this. There don't any of them
get away with Rumsey. Why, killed
man at Rush Lake Junction, once, for less
than that