Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-11-06
ARTEMUS WARD AND THE LONDON
CABBY

Artemus Ward, the prince of humoriste,
positively revealed in what think he was
the first to dub q "goak." / remember,
late one night in the fall of 1865, Artemus,
dear little jeff Prowse and my humble self,
were lett alone in the club-room at Ash.
ieys. Artemus proposed an adjournment to
the Alhambra. Prowse and self ioyfully
assented. Artemus asked jeff to char.
ter cab. The vehicle coon drew mp. It
was clear night, which give us . full
view OF the drivers face. He was grave
and stolid. looking, and evidently self-pos-
sessed. Artemus seemed to study the
mans features for brief moment then
ne lntlmated to me in . whisper
that he was going to have q lark
with eabby. Assuming a grave air,
which sat so marvelously well
on his face, he addressed the man in slow,
measured accents. My friend, ;" he said,
you look to me man of thought and ex-
perlence, In fact, the very man likely to
decide most important and most difficult
question which has arisen between me and
my friend there" pointing to JEFF, who
looked slightly puzzled. ''Do you take
me: VIII you be arbiter between us"
Cabby looked 80 dubious at first that l
thought he was going to say "Gammon,"
or smut up" or something of the sort.
However, 30 wopdrously intent did Ar
temus look, and SO supernally grave was
his manner, that the mans suspicious faded
away from his face as snow will under q
hot sun. He gave half grunt, then said
briefly, " Fire away, guv'nor, let's know
watts all about"
Well" responded Artemus, with slow
deliberateness, weighing every word appa.
rently. Well, look ye here, now, my
friend; that gentleman there" pointing
again to jeff Prowse, who, not knowing
exactly how Charley might choose to COM
promise him with mayhap irate Jehu,
began to give slight signs of feeling rather
uncomfortable" maintains that it is the
divergence of contradictory opinions, which
in the natural logic sequence of reasoning,
and in the inferential conclusions of argu-
mentation, must in the final end inevitably
lead to conveyance, and concord and har-
mony among the people, and bring about
that most devOutly. wished-for consumma-
ton when man to man the world all DER
shall brethren be and a that. / trust
you follow me, my friend % 81 fol-
low you, guv'nor; fire away" said
cabby briefly, who evidently was not quite
clear yet what it all could possibly be
about. "Now you see my good fellow
pursued Artemus, with increased intense
aess OF face and graver ponderousness of
manner and diction, i" /, on the other part,
assert, and | mean to stick to it, too, let
gainsay who may with ferocious glare
our way" that it is contrarywise and op-
posite, the conveyance of concurrent, con-
cordant and coincident opinions that must
inevitably in its corrolary and concomitant
consequential train of its outcoming results
lead to divergences, difficulties and differ
ences raising his voice to higher pitch
and frantically saving and beating the air
with his outstretched right arm" which
will make one man jump at another's
throat and strive to strangle him to death |"
Then he proceeded more quietly NOW,
my friend, you cannot but admit that
have placed the case fairly before you.
Now, please give us your decision"
Cibby, who had apparently listened
with much serious attention to this rigms-
role, bent his head on one side, and with
one eye shut, gave Artemus the benefit of
an inimitably droll look. Then he pro.
ceeded with gravity of manner equal to
Wards and s,h more pondercus slowness
of enunciation, to deliver himself of the
following oracular decision, which would
have done honor to the great Bunsby him
self: Well, guv-nor, it is knotty pint
and AZ, nut to crack for the likes o. me
seein' as there is . great deal to be said on
both sides; and9eSS :. ye think, now, guv'nor,
it's rayther dry iaesfion+s f. .seI: A--Slap
! knowed from the first, ye vos a gen'le-
man, hevery inch q you, guv'nor." Hav-
ing said which ae looked expectant.
Sold p cried Artemus, laughing, jump
ing into the vehicle, followed by us.
You shall have your liquor. cabby. Drive
~ "Reminiscences OF an Old Bohemian.