The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1882-09-19
The Spiral stud.

WOMEN SHOULD BE CAREFUL HOW THEY
THROW THEIR HEADS ON MEMS SHIRT
BOsOMS.
We see that there is 4 new shirt-stud in
vented, which goes through the gimlet
hole in shirt-bosom, in sections, and
snaps together, leaving the under side
smooth, so that there is no raw selvage TO
stick into q mans vital parasitic way
there is i'm the old spiral stud-and we look
forward to the happy future when we can
buy "a set of the new studs, and give
the old spiral studs to the poor, who have
no feelings to be lacerated. We have
thought for years that the Govern
ment ought to call in the old spiral shirt
studs and issue new kind, with coupons
that will 90 together with snap, hut no
body has seemed to think the Government
ought to take the responsibility. The man
who has invented the new stud should be
placed on the pension-roll with the man
who invented the telegraph and the India
rubber baby clothes. For hundred years
the spiral shirt-stud that screws in has held
the stomach Of man in its grasp, and has
made sore spots on him, when all should
be sunshine, and so forth. 1t is said that
women share our joys and our sorrows.
That may be so TO certain extent,
and they may suffer some, but they
don't know anything about the horrors Of
the spiral shirt-stud. Many men 20 down
20 their graves, and never complain, who
have had their lives made miserable by
spiral shirt-studs. No man can I've cheer
full, full OF fun and frivolity, and keep a
company In roar OF laughter, when he is
constantly reminded that three golden
corkscrews are gently but firmly entering
his body from three different places-that
three different shows are getting in their
work under one canvas at one price Of adj
mission. 1t Is asking too much to expect
man TO be entertaining when three
artesian-wells are being sunk in his person
at once. Women do not mean to be cruel
ana 10 cause unnecessary pains TO man. but
IL they knew how they send the quiyerjnp
arrows 10 his very soul, in three places
tney would be careful how they throw
their heads on mems shirt-bosoms and root
around to find an easy place to lay. No
uoubt many OF our readers have noticed
tnat men shrink from them when they Law
their little darling heads on his breast, and
nave thought that the man was shocked
M uheir actions. II is not that. Ii is
the spiral shirt-stud. VI course q man
wiz stand good deal, and not
complain, under such circumstances, but
II the woman in the case, or on fbe shirt
'"'oi, WIZ ioOh up INTO his fond
eyes she Will find there. beside q look Of
satisiactlonan and don't-get-up-on-my-account
expression, far-away penetrating 6ok, as
iholgh his soul was on fire or he had been
eatlng cucumbers. Women can have no
IDEA Of the sacrifice man makes in such
cases, and they should not be surprised
ne alnts away. Other things in the
world may cease, but the boring Of
the spiral stud never ceases. We have
khown preacher to get vacation
OF SIX months, with trip abroad, be-
cause ne looked sick, when all in the world
lnai aiIed bin was spiral shirt-studs boring
MO nm, though In this instance there was ,
20 female head acting as a screw-driver to I
rive them In. He would preach sermon | /
iaitil, ana look sick AS the studs went s
ito DIM, and the congregation would pity d