The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1882-04-22
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

English and French doctors don't
agree as to what causes Sea-Sickness
We thought it was caused by going On
the water Detroit Free Press.
"A man in the suburbs calls his wife
Shadow because she is continually
following him around. We take it for
granted that he is afraid of his own
shadow.-1h Household.
Somebody wants a honey store
established in every town. In Louisville
the dry-goods stores have all been en-
larged to make room for sweetness
louisville COurfer-JoIr71ai.
The Chinaman who thought he was
Americanized enough to squeeze Texas
girls hand on the sly, has departed
for some quiet place in the hills where
he can pick sixty bird-shot out of his
legs.-F'ree Press.
A new song is entitled: "Be kind to
the foreigner who lands on our shores"
1t seems to us that this song will never
do for a temperance gathering, for it is
a sort of back an alien song S0mer0iIte
Journal.
Shocks went home the other night
afflicted with double vision. He sat
for some time with his sleepy gaze rlv-
eted on Mrs. Shocks, and then compla-
Gently remarked: '.Well, | declare +
you two gals don't look 'nough like to-
be twins
-"Don't 60 chopping away at the
branches" said an old woodman to his
son. Lay your ak at the root of the
tree" And like dutiful boy he did as
he was told. He laid the ak at the root
of the tree, and then went off for days
fishing"
They tell of man out West who
was putting blast in a well, and it went
off prematurely and blew him out into
an apple tree about fifty feet away In
a moment he recovered himself, and re-
marking: 1.-The Lord knows better than
| do after all; l guess it is almost time to
60 pruning" took large pruning knife
from his pocket and set to work.
A New Yorker advertises 8 the pat
ent tidy fastener" 1t is q snare and a
hollow mockery of course. An instru-
ment has never been invented-and ney-
erwill be-that will secure tidy in its
place. When young man can sit on
chair ten minutes without getting the
tidy under him somewhere or on the
floor he may know that the millennium
is only about two hours hence.
"A dinner party--the youngest gen
tleman Git is his first visit) has broken
the ice at last by inquiring the name Of
the hostess little daughter, to which
the child has replied Ethel" /" And
why, Ethel, do you keep patting me on
the arm?" Because mamma says you're
a muf7 - lawful pause, during which
the child strokes him DOWN." but you,
don't feel like one, you know" (Tab-
leau: child COMPLEMENTARY else. y
Judy.
"A gentleman, who had no umbrellas
and who had just come into town on o
local train, perceived before him as he
stepped into the street a person whom
he took to be an acquaintance and VINO
had fine new umbrella hoisted over his
head Runningu up to him, therefore, ne
clapped him on the shoulder saying. rs
he did so by way of joke; " Ill take
that umbrella, if you please" The in,
dividual thus addressed looked around
and disclosed a perfect stranger, but be-
fore the other could apologize he sad
hurriedly; 30, it's yours, is it? Wen
| didn't know that. Here, you can have
it, and broke away, leaving the utens'i
in the hands of the first party to the con-
Versation. - Chicago Times.