News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-22
THE LIME-KILN CLUB,
Shaking Hands With a Stranger
General Notes.


l
from the Detroit Free Press.]
'When shake hands wild a stranger,
said Brother Gardner as silence fell
upon the members, "I doan' keer two
cents wheder his reat-gran-fader was
Cabinet officer or a cobbler; wheder
his own gran. fader sold silks or kallker;
wheder his fader was cooper or
statesman. De man have to deal wild
am de man befo' me, an not de dust an
bones, en- cofins of his predecessors.
He may size up well, or he may run to
remnants; he may be squar' or he may
be blk; be may be honest, or he may
have de right-bower up his sleeve-dat
am fur me to find out.
''I doan' propose to jine hands wild
stranger bekase his gran cum ober
wild de Pilgrims. Neither shall L lend
five dollars to one O. my color on de
ground dat his uncle weighed ton, an
shook hands wild three different Presl-
dents. What man he am, an wheder
his fader was a poet or blacksmith
won't make him better or wuss. Size
up your man on his own personal shape.
1t doan' matter to you what sort OF
head his fader had, or how big his I'M
cle's feet war, he am de man you am
doin' bizness wud. De pusson who
trabels from dis kentry on nothing but
de-record made by some relative half
century since will land in Jail as soon as
in good society. When have any plug
tobacker to spare de man who's fader
didn't do anything but mind his own
bizness an purvide fur his family will
get it quite as soon as de man who's
fader discovered a comet or predicted
an earthquake.
"I want each an cherry member of
dis club to stan on his own shape. If
he am fast-colors OATS all we want to
know. If he crooks or fades in de
washin' he must step down an out. De
fact that Samuel's Sims fader was
elected to the South Carolina Legislator
doan' prove that Samuel hisself knows
beans from boss barns. Likewise, de
fact that Giveadam Jones had an uncle
hung for stealin' con doan' go to prove
dat it wouldn't be safe to leave our
brudder in a grocery sto' fur half an
hour while the clerk went out arter
change. When a man boasts dat one
of de family Lsigned de Declarashun OF
Independence, doan' you take his note
widout good indorser. People who
lay back on nothing but de glory of de
dead or de craftsmanship of some one
who sat in Congress a hun'erd vars
ago am jist as apt to work off bogus
dollar on sore-eyed railroad conductor
as de man whose geological tree has a
baker hangin' to cherry limb"
SIMPLY ILLUSTRATIVE.
Giveadam Jones was on his feet be
fore the President had ceased speaking,
and he demanded to know if the remark
in regard to his absent-minded uncle
was personal fling at him. Samuel
Shin likewise desired to know if the
President intended to hold his lack of
education up to the contempt of the
world at large. Brother Gardner re-
piled that he used them simply to illus.
trate points, and but for slip of the
tongue he should have had the uncle
steal the whole outfit of national bank,
instead of three bushels of corn.
HE DOES.
Cottonseed White, of Glenrose, Tex,
in communicate ion of q scientific ma
ture, addressed to the President, asked
as follows
'Did you know that knowledge could
only be obtained by experience, and
that experience is but another name for
suffering? =.
ssThat about the time we grow wise
enough to live we must fail and die?
"That the most meritorious actions
are often followed by the must dis
astrous consequences.
''That this universe is governed by
passionless, purposeless, memorable,
eternal law ?"
81 know all about it," replied the
President with sad shake of the head,
GIVE bin dar. My fust knowledge
about mule was gained by pickin' up
one of his hind feet. I have in my kind
ness of heart lent my shotgun to
friend to shoot crow, an bin obleeged
to pay SIS for de calf he killed. have
not only obsarved dat de universe am
governed by passionless, puposless, in
exorable an eternal laws, but have dis
kivered dat de man who goes fshin' on
Sunday mus buck agin de hull bizness.
1t am sad, sad, an yet we mus brace up
an keep turnin' de grindstone.
ENCOURAGING GENIUS.
The Rev. Penstock, who has just re-
turned from his Southern trip, took the
floor in the interests of genius. At
Montgomery, Ala, colored brother,
Mozart Pinkston, invited him to inspect
an invention called "The Handy ALE.
viator." It is q machine which will en-
able any and every man to scratch his
itching spinal column between his
shoulders, and wherever it has been |
tried it has given the most intense sat
isfaction. Before this invention came
into use in Alabama the colored people |
of that State had to scratch their backs |
o the edges of doors and gates and |
fence rails. They can now sit down in
a red IiDt-bottomed chair in the shade |
of a magnolia and tickle the itching
locality with the greatest dispatch aud
ease.
The Rev. Penstook hoped the club
would encourage such genius. In fact,
he would move that the inventor be
given O vote of thanks, and be permitted |
to refer all would-be purchasers of his
machine to the officials of the Lime-Kiln
Club. The motion being supported by
Trustee Pullback, it prevailed by a
vote.
TOO SENATORIAL.
Col. Hackensack Thomas took the
floor to protest against the too Senatorial
custom lately practiced by certain mem
bers in elevating their feet on the backs
of chairs and walking clear across the
hall to spit out of the open window on
a one horse wagon in the alley. He
didn't like to see it, and he hoped
the President would put stop to it.
A TEMPERANCE LECTURE IN two PARA