Arizona weekly enterprise., 1882-09-16
WIT AND HUMoE..

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 A Florida alligator which was killed the other day had an empty two-quart jug ir its stomach. Aliigators never stop to measure their drinks.
 A Boston widow advertises for a bed room at least five feet square. She has become tired of having her feet out in the hall.
 Chasing mosquitos around your room in your shirt and drawers with wet towel for a raquet is good practice for lawn tennis.
 During thunderstorm out west a kQok-canvasser took shelter under tree and MaS, struck on the cheek by light ming. The doctors say the lightning can't live.
 Edwin Booth has been guilty of a pun. He says no matter how many quarrels over petty jealousies actors may have. they always ''make up'' before going on the stage.
 A hat Irritation is the latest idiocy among the girls. There is no way that a man can wear hat that doesn't mean something, and the only way you're safe is to go bareheaded.
 They don't have rains out West. A cloud just saunters up and examines town, and then collapses right over it. Nobody escapes but the newspaper re- porters and the book agents.
 'Oh, the patriots. the patriotsr' ex- claimed Oscar Wilde; ''let's shut down the window and shut off the noise" "-- He was in Atlanta and it was the glori- ous fourth.
 Stationmaster to suspicious-looking lady (aged) who has just entered com partment: Are you first class, madam?" Aged lady: ''Yes, thank you; how are you, sir?''
 Hard-Pan Logic-Physician '.And is that all you are going to give me, 20 marks for forty visits?" Miser: T should think that was enough. You must consider that if hadn't been sick you wouldn't have had anything"
 The bite of mad boy has been prov en to be as poisonous as the bite of a mad dog, and yet mothers keep right on holding them up in corners to wash their faces and comb down their bris- ties
 Barnum was presented to the prince of Wales the other day. but by 8 great effort the snowman kept himself from ,tsking the prince what his mother would charge to come to America and ride Jumbo. Philadelphia NeaCs.
 Proposing remedy for mosquitoes, | the Hammonton Hornet says; ..Place a small piece of raw meat on plate in your sleeping room, and the birds will light on it and never fly away. Our "birds'' would fly away with the meat, plate and all. - CanstIeqs Post.
 Old gentleman Cooking at very bob tailed horse): .'Bless mel how short they have cut his tail" Attendant: His master is a member of the Society for the Protection of Animals. sir. In this fashion he will not annoy the poor flies.''
 An Attorneys Last Hope--A certain sharp attorney was said to be in bad circumstances. A friend of the unfor- tunate lawyer met Jerrold, and said: Have you heard about poor-R-? His business is going to the devil" Jer- rold; That's all right, then; be is sure to get it back again.
 'I should think that you would feel badly about leaving this place." said 8 housemaid to the departing cook. ''I don't; I'm glad to go. ain't sorry to leave any of you-eXcept the dog. Poor old Tiger, he always washed the plates for me-"
 A father seolds his son for his num- erous youthful errors: '.Really, father, you were once young. Did you never frolic?" '.Never,'' said the father with a melancholy sigh; ''when was young had no money, and when 1 became rich it was too late.n
 A man in Georgia lost gold collar button two years ago, and recently the l missing ieelrjr ss.s fs,ssnti m the int of the digestive organs Of q slaughtered eow.s How the COW got under the bp- Eessi ia the bedroos8 where . detaohetl collar-button ;slWaz rolls, is :a5l inexpli- cable my ysterF- alss ss z
 Two friends, ....ffsel ..ftel dinner, over their cigars, discourse of life: ''Growing old is a bore, old fellow; one's powers must fall off, you know" Not bit look at TompEins, now.n ..Well?" 'Why. at college he was awfully stupid but he's past 50, and still he grows stu pider every day"
 Ava does not like the smell of tobac. co. One day a neighbor came in, smok- ing. When he had gone away again Ava went into the kitchen with hel small nose in the air: "Has MT. B. been here?" she asked. 'sYes.n said Nora. .'Humphr' said Ava. II thought 1 heard smell"
 They tell of a man out west who was putting blast in well, and it went off prematurely and blew him out into an apple tree about fifty feet away. In moment he recovered himself, and re, marking, ..The Lord knows better thar do, after all; guess it's almost time to go to pruning took large prun. ing-knife from his pocket and went to work.
 An old story in new form is going the grand rounds. and tells about young man at table d hote at one of tht rural hotels where ''lady walters art employed. He wanted beverage witt his roast, and summoned the maiden to whom he said, Have you any DOT ter?'' ''Yes." said she, we have three or four, but they arc all colored." Wher, ignorance is bliss, it is the height of ab surdity to be intelligent.
 Cheering. Spinster Landlady -Thel you and your mamma want the sam room you had last year? Young Lad, Yes, Miss Spriggings; only it ism mamma who is with me. but my hus band. I've got married since last year $. L.-Lor, now, have you? I'm gla, to hear it. Yet. after all, don't knov why should be glad; you never di, me any harm, poor dear!