The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1882-06-15
WIT AND WISDOM.

The moon, like some men, is bright
est when it is full.
Every farmer ought to be able to
boast of having a cold spring on his farm
this year.
-Guttenberg invented printing, but
who is the genius who will rise up and
invent a proof-reader. - Burlington
Hawkcye.
"A white monkey with pink eyes has
just arrived in New York. It must
make the society Washers nervous for
their laurels.
There is a kick in some quarters
against tight trousers. It's generally
quarter where it hurts, too, if the old
man is very mad.-Boston Post.
Innocence is very much like bank
bill of a large ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS often
hear of its being lost, but never of its
being found.-From The French.
1t is complained that some of the
beef now sold is impregnated with gar
lie. They have to strengthen it SO it
can hold up the price. -LoooeU Citizen.
AS between the "greenery of our
bills and the "yallery" of our gold
coin, Oscar Wilde has no choice. He
takes them all in.--Ncw Haven Register.
What is more disgusting to the sight
than young woman in a state of intox-
ication? Two of 'em, of course. Moth
ing easier; come again!-Chicago Her.
aid. -
What is the use of trying to discover
the North Pole? If it were found, it
would be seized by some telegraph or
telephone company and hung with
wires before twcnty-four hours.
Queen Victoria has a great dignity
on state occasions, land looks every
inch Queen" She has been a Queen
SO long that she ought by this time to
bear faint resemblance to one.--LoW-
ell Courier.
Officer of the Prussiau guards,
looking at the ocean, to his wife: Isn't
this glorious sight, Minnie? But the
sea seems greatly agitated-probably
has never before seen an officer of the
Prussian guards"
"A school teacher was asking her
little girls the other day questions in re-
gard to the growth of plants, and on
putting the question: What makes the
flowers? one of them presently answered,
"the buds. "-OH Ouy Derrick.
We are told that "Nilsson wears
deepest mourning for her husband, and
recently declined an encore after sing
ing at Albert Hall, London Such
touching display of grief as the declin.
ing of an encore is something to make
the whole world weep for sympathy
Boston Post. .. ..-fl
Newspapers are noticing the fact
that thief in Harrisburg carried off
ton of coal without waking the family,
but we do not see anything remarkable
about that. A ton of coal is so small
nowadays that any smart boy could run
off with one. -Phiiatielphia Ne,Ds.
-"What lunatic asylum is that?"
asked stranger in Philadelphia, point
ing to building from which the most
horrible sounds were issuing. "Why,
my dear sir" was the reply, "that is not
lunatic asylum. That is u female SEM
mary; this is the music practice. hour"
Philadelphia Ne,Ds. F" e -
-"Does hoss-racin' hurt anybodyr'
exclaimed Blue Grass turfman. ''Hoss-
racin' hurt anybody? Why, . clean,
squar' race, run from eend to eend, with
no pullin' and no pocketin', theirs no
more danger in attendin' that sort O.
race than ther is in-in-than Their is in
duel between two Congressman. -
Louisville Courier-JournaL ..-.-r..
oh, doctor. do you think my little
darling will live!' inquired an anxious
mother of the family physician who had
called the seventh time with his bill.
Live! Why there isn't anything the
matter with him, is thereof SWELL,
no, not now; but you know. doctor,
there are SO many children's diseases
around" Huh! If the child takes
after his father, he'll live where an hon.,
est man will starve to death. Good
morning. "-NeU Haven Register.