The Osceola times., 1882-04-22
TOMBSTONE ODDITIES.
The Manner In which Gravestones ar'
selected by ssrrowing Families.
Philadslphia Press.

Philadslphia Press.
"Some queer characters2 Well. i
should say 20. We meet more oddities
In this business than you would believe,
and see q eide of human nature that Is
not shown up In any other trade that l
know Of"
The remark came from an old marble
cutter who WIS busily engaged yesterday
afternoon In chipping out a ierocious
looking animal, presumably q lamb, on
4 fat slab of snowy marble. The lamb
stood ont in relief, and in its unfinished
condition bore o strong resemblance to q
hump backed buffalo in pantaloons.
Beneath |. was an inscription, the senti
ment Of which was even funnier than
the to be emblem Of purity. 1t read:
"Here lies the mortal remains OF -,
who died in the full hope Of condition
that he did not enjoy on earth--peace.
Erected by his loving wife, with whom
he lived for thirty years"
THAT stone," said the man, a. he care
fully. dug out the lambs eye with the
point OF Q delicate tool, twas ordered by
4 woman who is Q character in herself.
Her husband, as you can see by the In
scription, died nearly three years ago.
She came TO me last Monday week, and
spent Just three hours in giving her
order. Now. you look a. though you
thought that was stretcher. but 1t isn't.
Most everybody takes q couple OF hours
1t least, but this customer was certainly
. tough one. had just finished
chiselins out beautiful figure Of an
angel, when she came into the yard
She has thin, vinegar face, squeaky
voice and apair OF eyes looking two
ways for Sunday. 'What'll 1t cost, says
she, 70 have headstone made for my
ole man? He's been dead goin' on three
wear nov, and his folks are complainin'
because / haven't had it done before.
To tell the truth, he didn't deserve it..
He was the all-flredest meanest man
you ever seen. Still it's got to be done,
and want it a. cheap as possible. Now
Whst1l Il be with his name and some
words on II? Well, madame, said ], 1t
all depends on what kind OF headstone
you want--the size, the lettering and the
amount Of labor required. l can get up
. very nice stone with ready made
angel; or an all seeing eye, for about $So.
But If you want first class angel, long
wings, full robe, and carved out In the
highest style Of art, 1t will cost you .
good deal moie. II you want nice lamb
lying down or standing up, or a--'Now
look here, said the woman getting
angry all Of sudden, who said any
thing about lambs or angels or such
trash? Just want what told you, some
thing good and cheap.
SELECTING A STONE.
$50 We argued for an hour, until
finally she made up her mind to have a
I've foot stone with Q lamb at the top.
That's only to please his ole maid sis.
ters,' said she, a. sour-like as you could
imagine, for he wasn't any more like q
lamb than Pm like lion."
ssThen began the tug of war. We
agree on the proper inscription
TO be placed under the lamb. l suggested
one thing after another. but all TO no
purpose. Nothing would please her
Bhe submitted numberless sentiments.
but they were so absurd that fatty re-
fused TO do the work. How would II
read,' said she, TO put, My husband
dear, my husband kind, what for did you
mount TO Heaven, and leave me here be-
hind2' or Gone is he to Heaven above,
whore oil is love, therell bs no sorrow
there. He lived in love, he died in bed,
and left me here to mourn. His affec-
tionate wife, Hannah You see she was
an ignorant woman, and didn't under.
derstand grammar or how to put thing
nicely, but couldn't tell her 30. She
might have got mad, and then I'd have
lost the job. So l had to say the stone
was not big enough, or make an excuse
of that sort. At last she struck on the
inscription you see there. and stuck to II
persistently. l added 81 TO the bill, be
cause she WAS such 'tarnal fool.
.But, pshaw! continued the maker OF
tombstones and epitaphs, there's lots
more like her, only worse. Some of them
want one thing and some another. An
old man ordered headstone for his son
once, and insisted on havinga history OF
his boys life engraved on It. As the
young man devoted the best part Of his
life " drinking rum and playing cards.
the record was not very good one, and
after little persuasion the old gentle
man agreed 10 have . dove carved out
on the slab, and the simple inscription
Here lies my beloved son, underneath IL
Another time q young mother wanted u
marble mark of affection over the grave
of her two children. She brought piece
of paper with the inscription written on
1t. It reads: 'Jakey and Joey, my two
twins. they were too little to have any
sins--gone TO glory. Aged 3 months and
8 days. That went upon the stone, word
for wsrd.
TOUCHING INCIDENT.
"A boy and his sister, neither Of then,
above Is years Of age, once gave me q
touching evidence Of their affection fol
q dead mother. They had saved up theil
pennies for nearly four years to buy q
headstone for her grave, but the amount
lacked Just $8 of the price for the cheap
est stone. The girl cried pitifully when
she found they would have to wait per-
hsps another year before her dear moth.
er's memory could be honored. Her
brother, however,-and q manly little
fellow he was spoke up and said: III
you will put up this hesdstone for US,
sir, will work for you steadily until the
balance can be paid. MY sister is now
employed in straw sewing establish.
ment. and earns "a a week. 1only make
81 more myself as clerk In an insur.
anee Office. but I'll leave there IL you will
take me and do what We want Ths
children got that stone for nothing. The
words on it was simply Our Mother"
"And 80 1t goes" continued the speak.
or, - he sadly knocked another hump
OF the malformed lambs back; tits a
queer business, when man has any
sense Of the ridiculous in him. and it's a
queer business from . financial stand
point. The undertaken and the doctor
wait good while for their money; but
We wait just six months longer, II you
can figure that up. It's little curious,
TOO, how long people wait before they
think Of marking the resting place OF
thGiY dead. A wear Ia prohahlv tha short.