New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-11-15
WIT AND. HUMOR.

People who do not object to fat
printers and legatees.
The horse-trotting brave deserves the
agricultural fair.
A Baltimore edito,. can make Euro
pean trip for $3.50 per day.
What business has a bank cashier
Juggling 100000 around in satchel
after dark?
Several murderers have been hung
lately who didn't believe they were
going straight to Heaven.
"Where do the hats go?" an exchange
asks. Some of them 60 to the theater
and Obstruct the view of the audience
An enterprising foundry-man has
named an economical stove he has in
vented the 'Semi-coal-'
When the plasterer is at work upon
ceiling, it may be said that he under
stands his business.
A St. Louis horse chews tobacco. We
have often seen fast driven horse
smoke.
Did Richard III. exclaim, "Give me
another horse!' because he was tired of
tho nightmare he had been riding?
The difference between dandy and
a fat hog-one is dressed to kill and the
other is killed to dress.
An engaged girl is happiest when she
is telling about it to another girl who is
not engaged and is not likely to be.
A first-class bronze statue of an edi-
tor can be had for $4,000, and every
city ought to have at least twenty in its
parks.
"Where are the men of '76?" shrieks
an excited exchange. Oh, to Halifax
with the men of rs. Give us the women
of %!
"A]l things come to the man who
waits,'' but dime judiciously. bestowed
on q restaurant waiter will hurry things
up little.
Upon q writer claiming that his
works contained ''much food for
thought" a friend remarked: ''That
may be so; but it is wretchedly cooked"
New York and Ohio people carry
horse-chestnuts in their pockets to ward
off rheumatism. 1t is more convenient
than to hang a cabbage around the
neck.
You will wonder where all the dogs
in Georgia are until you dismount at
the gate of q planters house. Then
you will wonder if he owns all the dogs
in Georgia.
A distinguished naturalist says a bear
is ordinarily nc more dangerous than a
woodchuck. That may all be very true,
but in a square hug the bear is far more
tenacious.
Mrs. Darlington honored us with a
call this morning. She is looking we'll,
and says she is like the windows of a
renovated house-all the old panes are
out of her and the pneumatics are
things of the past.
An oil producer was requestedt to give
a judgment note for debt he owed,
but firmly refused, saying: mo, sir,
will never sign q Judgment note. I did
it once, and come very near having
to pay it,
Perhaps the casual reader has never
sat down on a buzz saw and felt him.
self gradually fading away. If so, he
doesn't know what it is to form the &C.
quaintance of somnambulistic bulldog
in the prime of life.
Jennie June signs for scientific
dressmaker. What is it but science
that calls for twenty-eight yards o
goods in a dress so tight that the wear
er can't draw long breath without
hearing buttons fly?
'.Man," says Victor Hugo, was the
conundrum Of the eighteenth century
woman is the conundrum of the nine
teenth century," An American edito
adds: 1--WE can't guess her. but vii
never give her up-no. never!'
s.rm shocked!'' said Mrs. Brown
stepping into the pantry just in time t
catch Johnnie in the act of hiding jal
Of preserves beneath tho folds Of BIZ
jacket: Eyes, johnnie, rm shocked