New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1882-10-01
ARTEMUS YARD and THE LONDON CABBY.

From the "reminiscences Of an Otd bohemian.
Artemus Ward. the prince OF hnmorists. positively
reveied in what | think he was the FIRST to dub Y
COAX" | remember, late one night IN the iall OF
1856. Artemus. dear little JEFF ProwSe anu my
humble self were left alone in the clubroom at
Asuleys Artemus proposed an adjournment TO inc
AlhaInbra. PrOwse and self ioyfully asscnted.
Artemus asked jeff to charter a cab. The vehicle
soon drew W. IL was clear llgbt' ana the hotel
and street lamps shed bright light which gave ny
a full view of the drivers face. lie was grave ana
st0lld-loOking. and evidently seli-possessed.
Artemus seemed to study tie mans features Tor
brief moment; then he minated tonne III whisper
that he was going to have lark with cabby. AS
Stunning grave AIR. which sat so marvcIlously wen
on his face he addressed the ia slow. neasu cd
accents. "My friend, - he said. you llok g. mo q
man Of thought aud experience, III fact. tlv very
Dlan likely TO decide "A most Important and most
difficult question which has arisen between me aud
INV friend there pointing To Jef, VINO looked
slightly puzzled. DO you take me VIII you ne
aroiter between us Cabby looked 80 dubious ~
first that thought he was going to say Gainnioh,
or Shut up" OF something OF the sort. However,
So wondr0usly intent did Artemus look. aud 20
supernally gave was his manner that tie mans
susplcions faded away from his face az snow will
under a hot sun. Tie gave half-grunt, then said
briefly. Fire away, guv'nor, lets know watts all
about" go -,
"Well' responded Artemus with slow delherate-
ness, weighing every word apparently vel look
we here. now, mg friend; nat gentleman there -
pointing again to jeff Prov 5e.who, u0 knowing eA-
actly how Charley might choose to compromise nm
with q mayhap rate Jehu, began to give 'llsbt
slgus of feeling rather uncomfortable" maintains
that it is the divergence of contradictory opAl9ns,
which in the natural logical sequence OF reasoning,
and i'm the inerential conclusions Of arguments
ton must in the final ead inevitably lead 10 com
vergence, and concord and harmony among
people, and bring about that most
f)r contamination when man to man the world al
DER shall brethren be and a. that i trust yos
follow me- nv friend ~ follow you. guy'nor
fire away" sau cabby briefly, who evidently vac
not quite clear yet what IL all could possibly DO
about. Now you see, my good fellow" pursued
Artemus, with increased ntentness OF face and
graver ponder0usness of manner and dicton, l.
ON the other part. assert, ana mean 10 stlck 70
too let gaInsay who may."-wlth irroclous glare
our ways that IL is contrarIwise and opposite, the
conveyance OF concurrent, cODcofdant and GOMEZ.
dent opinions that must inevitably in its cOrOafy
and cOncOmtant const quentla JlaIn OF It's oucoin-
ing results lead to dIyergences, difficulties aud
differences raising his voice 10 q higher pitch
and franticaly saving and beating the ar wltb
his outsIretcheh right arm" which VIII make one
mau Jump at anothers throat aud strive TO strangle
him to deathw Then he proceeded more quietly
- Now, my friend, you cannot but ADMIT tnat
have placed the case fairly before You. Now,
please rive us your decision" Cabby, who had
apparently listened with much serious attention 10
this rlgmarole bent his head on one side and with
one eve shut gave Artemus the benefit of an ln-
imtably droll look. Then be proceeded with
gravity of manner equal to Wards ana stlli moro
pouderOus slOwness of enunciation to deliver num-
self of the following oracular decision, when
would ha We done honor to great busDy hlmsell;
" Well, QuynOr it is knotty pint and ara nut 70
crack for the.lIkes q me seem as there N great
deal to be said on both sides and don't We think,
now guy'nor, it's rayther dry question TO settleI
Vich knowcd from the first We vos gen leman,
hevery inch O. you, guy'nor.n Having SAID which
he looked eXpectaut. " SOdw cried Artemus laugh
Inv. jumping into the vehicle followed by w
You shall have your liquor. cabby. Drive on."y