Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-08-17

$50 | am" snarled the lady.
"Where Is her, insisted the tall
man.
Gle IS in the baggage car in cof-
fin," replied the lady.
81 beg your pardon, ma'am." said
the tall man, humbly; 81 honestly beg
pardon. I won't ask if he's dead, but
you'll excuse me for thinking that if
you and he have been married long
he's deuced smart to travel around
screwed up in box, if you are on
the same trip, and it's likely to last
long"
A young lady, being addressed by a
gentleman much older than herself
observed that the only objection she
had to union with him was the prob
ability of his dying before her and leav-
ing her to the sorrows of widowhood.
To which ne made the complimentary
reply Blessed is the man who hath
a virtuous wife, for the number of his
days shall be doubled"
Only tress of a woman's hairm
The lover musingly, fondy said;
And yet it forms a halo fair
Tonight above her sacred head! ~
Only q tress of a WOman'S hair"
The maiden, smiling, sweetly said,
And laid it on the back of a chair
And went to bed
l. The buzz. saw is no modern invention.
Just look at the Venus of Milo.
England's Alexandria fleet appears
to be able to sail right over the Bey.
Almost anybody can run into debt
but nearly everybody has to crawl out
of it.
The Jokes of the circus clown must
be made up of kind words. For, you
know "kind words never die"
The young skipper who takes a
party of girls out sailing should con-
tent himself hugging the shore.
"Her Face was her Fortune" is the
title Of a popular novel. She was evil
IDENTITY book agent, and travelled on
her cheek.
Yellow is the fashionable color in
Texas, and IL is thought the fashion
will make such Roadway that they will
take to yellow fever down there.
A Philadelphia mule has killed mad
dog, but it is still matter of doubt
whether a mule or mad dog is the
safest thing to have around.
At the seashOrG, as usual, one wave
from a woman's handkerchief will con-
tinue to attract more attention than
hundreds of waves from the ocean.
If you want to make man your
enemy tell him that he doesn't know
anything about horse. The less he
really knows the stronger will be his
enmity.
A California town has "Y Dung La
dies Society for the Prevention of Bad
Taste" The first thing they did was
to go and see Guiteau hanged in effigy.
1t Is stated by a Princeton man that
the reason his college is not winning
as many athletic prizes as form erly is
that the students have suddenly taken
a fancy to books.
The guests at Mr.. Marrowfat's table
were discussing the subject of Long
fellows transcription of the beautiful
German song, Unto the Silent Land"
when little Miltiades, who had appa-
rently been paying no attention, looked
up and said: dad, do you think
mother will ever go there?" Somehow
Or other the question put an end to
the conversation.
There is a gospel tent at the corner
of Michigan avenue ana Fourth street,
and of Sunday evening there is a
considerable passing in and out on the
part of pedestrians. Last Sunday even
ing boy of IA, who had just left the
tent, encountered a stranger, who stop
nod him ood IN n pirod
"6ay, hub, what sort of perform
ance is going on in there ?"
Purity good thing !" was the reply.
I'D kinder like to see the fat woman
and the living skeleton and the albino
children once more, but Pm purity
near strapped. Is there any way
kin work in?''
Anybody around to knock you
stiff"
"Never saw anybody. I'll SHOW you
where to go under"
|By hockey, I'll try it It's no use to
throw away d quarter when you kin
beat side-shOw."
The boy took him around behind the |
tent and saw him safe under, and then |
crossed the street and sat down. He |
waited just exactly three minutes, and |
then the stranger came out of the tent |
by the door. He looked up and down |
the street, closely scanned every |
youngster about him, and finally said |
to bootblack
Cub, I'm looking for youth about |
two heads taller than you-peaked |
nose-brown straw hat, hair cut short. |
| want to see him so awful bad for
about minute that I'll give you half a
dollar if you can find him around
here !"
An old man who owns a stall at the
City Market took a notion, few days
ago, to use his spare hours in lettering
his condition. Procuring his spelling
book, his face was seen behind it wnen
trade was dull.
He tired, however, of spelling the
words to himself, and engaged the SER
vices of a boy about thirteen years old,
having the next stall, to learn his les
sons. Everything passed oft all right
for TWO or three days, and then a
storm arose and a climax came. Hold
ing the book in both hands, the boy
observed:
eve now come to the word welcome
How do you spell it?