The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-04-14
WHY WE LAUGH.
The hair dealers adv ertise what they call
he ,,,r r;.;L Ia I'll III


the " invisible tsp-piece." The bald-headed
gentry should sue for infringement.
| do like that Mascotte opera. That touch
ing little duet, "the gobble song," is so sug-
gestively pretty.-Gouid to Vanderbilt.
Postman: "ssy, sis, where, Mrs. Malley
O'Dearmont?" Sis: "I'd'nor. She died
last week and didn't leave any directions. -
The Judge.
A Philadelphia ceal dealer recently
received from prominent shoddyite
who had been to Europe, an order for five
tons of coal delivered a la cart.-Phiiadel.
phia Nears.
A Texas paper says that if the Mormon
doctrine had been set loose in the Garden of
Eden, Adam would not have had ribs enough
to go round.
ado you believe in future life in which
We shall renew the ties that bind us together
here?" az do," said the hen-pecked hus-
band, sadly, "but don't want tor
Mrs. Smith COMPATIBILITY" Poor Mrs.
Siren! They say she has been ordered to a
warmer climate. Do you think she will go?"
Mrs. Brown (grimly)-" not while she
lives"
"Silver dollars with holes in them are
painfully numerous" said country ed.
itor, "but they are not half so numerous
as holes without any silver dollars around
them.'
new song Is entitled "Be kind to the
foreigner who lands on our shores" 1t
seems to us that this song will never do for
a Temperance gathering, for it is sort Of
back an alien song.-SomeruiHe Journal.
An Indian chief, while in Washington, was
taken to see burlesque show. After the
performance he remarked, through ali inter-
prefer, that the great father was very kind to
send the poor Indians blankets when they
were so much needed at home.
Apropos of Bradlaugh, it has been pro-
posed that the custom Of opening Parlia-
nentary sittings with prayers should be dis
continued. An Irish paper recommends that
i
Form of Prayer for these at Sea-"
A young man who thought he had won the
heart and now asked the hand in marriage
of certain young widow, was asked by her,
"What is the difference between myself and
Mr.. Baxley's Durham cow" He naturally
replied, " Well, don't know" .'Then,"
said the widow, "you had better marry the
cow"
They tell Of man out West who was put
ting blast in well, and it went off prma-
turely and blew him into all apple tree about
fifty feet away. In moment lie recovered
himself, and remarking, "The Lord knows
better than do, after all |; guess it is almost
time to go pruning" took large pluning-
knife from his pocket and set to work.
Rome Sentinel.
The youngest gentleman Git is his first
yisit) has broken the ice at last by inquiring
the name of the hostesss little daughter,
to which the child has replied, "Ethel! "
"And why, Ethel, do you keep patting me
me on the arm?" because mamma says
you're mufl"-(awful pause, during which
the child stroked him DOWN." but you
don't feel like one, you know" [rabeau :
Child complacent-nobody else. l-Judge.
A two-foot rule was given to laborer in a
Clyde boat.yard to measure an iron plate.
The laborer, not being well up in the use OF
the rule, after spending a considerable time,
returned. "Noo, Mick" asked the platter
"what size is the plate ?" Well," replied
Mick, with grin of satisfaction, ats the
length of yeur rule and two thumbs over
with this piece o. brick and the breadth Of
my hand, and my arm from here to there
bar nger."-Pnch.
81 should think yon would be glad enough
when it comes night" said New Haver
woman to her reigbbor. "You have sc
many children and they are SO noisy, yor
know" My children are not noisy, ID
have you to know. That long legged, open
mouthed clothes-pin of yours makes more
noise in five minutes than my whole sever
do In week" The truth-speaking sore.
was ended then and there, and when thess
women meet, it is like the dropping of mer
curry in the thermometer, precursing a cole
day.-Ne,o Haren Register.