Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-11-06

Girls in Kansas have formed Red Rib
bon clubs, and announce that they will
not marry any man who touches intoxi-
eating liquors. The girls of other states
would do well to follow such an excellent
example.
Never growl because newspaper fails
to give every scrap of news, so long as
you take no pains to give the editor in
formation. The average country editor
isn't medium or a mind reader, but
gets his news just the same as the milk
man gets his milk-by pumping.
They were talking of Esop's fables,
''Esop was no fool" said young Joe,
from Eaton, to Lavinia. Mrs. Ramsbo-
than entering at that moment, overheard
this: and at once replied: "Well, don't
know about that. At all events it was
very wicked of him to sell his birthright
for mess of porridge."
Why pay 500 for a phonograph when
$1.50 judiciously invested in ice cream,
the coming summer, and two bushels of
turnips for marriage certificate, will
give you life lease on talking machine
that never requires any tin-foil on the
cylinder escapement? Young man, these
are the times for the practice of economy
and you should reflect.
''Do believe rain will come in answer
to prayer?" said the parson, repeating
the query that had been propounded to
him. ''Why, certainly, deacon Brown
the prayer of the faithful is always an,
swered. But" he added, after pause
"when you are going to pray for rain
deacon, it is best to choose your time
just before smart shower"
'I've lost a patient said a doctor, sit
ting down to a boarding house dinner
table, with frown on his face as darl
as gunpowder poultice. II anu sorry t.
hear it. Man or woman?" asked one o
the boarders. ''Man." 'tWhen did h
die?" "Die, hang him, he's not dead
He stopped taking my medicine, got wei
and ran away without paying the BILL"
On recent Sunday evening, a strang
er, tired and dusty, leaned against
lamp-post at Rochester, while he inquiI
ed the distance to Pennington. "Eigh
miles" said the boy. care you sure
is as far as that?" The boy, with his bi
heart overfowing with the milk of huma
kindness, replied, "Well, seeing you ar
pretty alfred tired, will call it seve
miles"
They were talking about dogs-th
habits, comparative intelligence, ETC., c
sagacious animals, when young Ruthel
bert said, ''Well, sir, my dogs a dandy
he is. You ought to just see him, some
times. Honestly, believe he has NOR
sense than l have" ''That's yer
doubtful compliment for the dog" sal
old Mr.. Gloomy, who sat over in til
corner
'They're dragging the Carlyles throug
the papers again, see," remarked M
Jones, the other evening, as he sat rea,
! ing, while Mrs. Jones undressed tt
L baby. elias he got into another scrape
asked Mrs. Jones, with an appearance
interest, as she shook the baby to see
he had button up his nose. "He? We
n he can't very well get into scrapes aft
y he's dead, can he?" inquired Mr.. Jone
70 mildly. s'Is he dead?" asked Mrs. Jone
NJ NJ much surprised. II wonder if his wi
70 will carry ON the business at the O
% stand" ''Who are you talking about
10 exclaimed Jones, in mild voice;
r. mean Carlyle, the philosopher-the WI
as er-the author of sSartor Resartus, ,
Id book about the follies of life and peopl
clothes" ''The same man." said Nj
Jones, triumphantly; ga scourer a
dyer: he had a place on Michigan avenr
and it was only last week he was robb
4. it was in the papers. So old Carlyle
- dead, is he? How sudden. Are you s
tn ing out, Jeptha?'' sYes!" answer
er Jones, family. II feel as if 1 need
air." He went out and Mrs. Jones hu
the baby over her shoulder and su
s'Baby Mine,'' and forgot all about I
Carlyles, great and small, a bit of phil
ophy the old cynic himself would hs
chuckled over in his day.-Deiroit Posl
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