The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-06-24

But tnese were quite lulclIoI "
The "blossom" on his nose.
The Boston Commercial Bulletin announces
that mining projects are out of favor. People
art sick OF the hole business"
ApAysician says alcohol has killed more pco-
pie than yellow fever. Well, doctor, more people
have taken it.-BoStoH Post
Wile-"But, my dear, shall catch cold com
ing down so late to let you ill.," Husband-"Oh,
no. my love- I'll rap you up well before you
come down."
SClue Berlin naturalists have been dining on
scrambled snakes eggs, and say that this deli
cac tastes like mashed potatoes. Wearc willing
10 take their word for it.
A man being arrested and fined for kneeling and
praying aloud in the streets of Wichita, Kansas,
The Times declares that he could have stood up
and sworn with impunty.
The Ne,iizin Ncuigt AYERS that "the chemist
recognizes no such thing as dirt; it is only mat
ter out Of place" Then what is a drunken po-
lie man.
A new door mat has been invented for offices
OF life insurance agents. 1t bears the woven
inkc-iD'iol Come in" and is intended to lie
eL1Hlut tAc uoOi' hV oSSht ico AhoiuC'
Arkansas has a mule that will stop kicking il
she Lord's prayer is recited to him. He takes it
for granted that when an Arkansas man begins
TO pray that the kicks must have proved fatal,
and is then willing to take rest
The best temperance law is one compelling
every citizen to drink at least two glasses Of
liquor per day. Folks will lie awake nights
thinking up ways to evade doing anything the
law compels them to do.
When round the ship the tempest RACES,
little oil its wrath assuages,
And helps eifectually to sooth it;
The ships path, too IL serves to smooth it,
How curious, Is 1t not that sperm oil
Should be the ansidote to turn Oil?
Cincinnati woman was swinging in ham.
mock in the seclusiou Of her back yard, and her
FEET hung down. A neighbor looked through
she fence and cried, "Suoo, them feetm lie was
prosecuted, and, though he protested that he
meant no adverse criticism Of the feet, nor dis
respect of the owner, was fined So
They had a terrible time at Kentyn horse
race recently. The horse that was set down to
be c.9.aHcod took the bit in his teeth aud In spite
al pulling went to the front and won cleaning
out everybody but green old countryman who
Tie Rev, 8. J. Dillon, colored, of Cincinnati,
made pastoral call on Mrs Gaines, and accept
ed al invitation to remain to supper. He went
up stairs to brush his hair, and Mrs. Gaines, re-
mem6erng that the sum Of $50 was in that room
thought it discreet to 20 up and lock the trunk
which held the com. But she did not act quick
~ enough, After the minister's departure she
missed the money. This time she moved with
CELEBRITY, and he was arrested with the plumber in
his pocket.
Many years ago. it is related Emerson and
Theodore Parker were walking in Concord when
= wGll.known leader Of the Second Adventsts
rushed up to them in great excitement "The
world ceases at midnight" he cried out. "We,"
replied Parker coolly, IL am not concerned I
live in Boston" "As for me-" added Emerson,
equally undisturbed, 81 can get along with
ont It,"
Among the words which Mr.. skeat, author of
she new chronological Dictionary" cannot find
The origin of is 'polecat" This shows the folly
OF writing on subject before consulting all au.
thortlcs that are in print II Mr.. skeat haa read
the works Of the late lamented American ety.
mologist, Artemus Ward, he would have learned
hat the animal with the alleged mysterious
name Is so called because 1t is a variety of cat
That must be killed with pole 1t the killer has
any regard for his clothing; further, that the
proper length for the pole, except when the cat
IS to Tindward, is three hundred and sixty.fye
feet.
Many poems, good and bad. are attributed TO
field Marshal Murat Halstead or are Donularlv
supposed to be by him. One Of the few beyond
doubt original recently appeared in the Cincin.
aati COmHiercidl:
There was truly good Deacon,
whose nose shone just like a beacon:
lie upheld the Pond bill
With cOnsummate skill,
But to-day he's with rage a reekin'"
We take exception TO the spirit of the second
line. Field Marshal Murst Halstead would like
te nsinuate that the color OF Deacon Richard
smith nose is not npconnected with the iuml.
naIng properties 81 alcohol. But the admirers
Of Deacon Richard Smith will not the less CON.
iinue TO believe that any rudy CLINT on his truly
good nose is nothing more than the reflection OF
the rich hue Of his deeply maroon hair. -Ne,o
York Sun
MARY's LAMB on A NEW PRINCIPLE
Mollie had a little ram as black AS A rubber
shoe and everywhere that Mollie went he emf.
grated too.
He went with her TO church one day-the
iolks hllarious grew 70 see him walk demurely
into Deacon Aliens pew.
The worthy deacon quickly let his angry pas
sions rise, and gave 1t an uIchristian kick be
tween the sad brown eyes.
This landed rammy In the aisle; the deacon
followed fast and raised his foot again; alas
that first kick was his last.
FoT Mr.. Sheep walked slowly back, about a rod
tits said and ere the deacon could retreat he
stood him on his head.
The congregation then arose and went for tina,
ere sheep; several well directed butts just piled
them In a heap.
Then rushed they stralghtway for the doc,
with curses long and loud. while rammy struck
The hirdmost man andshoyed him through the
crowd.