Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-09-08
BREAkFiST-TlBLE BRIEFS.
LIE snSl


To Increase the size OF glorious pies,
TO make them bubble, and billow and rise,
TO make them fat, and juicy, aud deep
And altogether too good 10 keep
Give me pie,
And I'll be happy
tive me pudding,
And I'll be snappy
Hurrah, hurrah for the land of pie
There will live, and there I'll die.
III eat EN- always, I'll eat 'ein ever,
| So long a my jaw-bones hang together.
| And when I'm too old 10 chew pie-crusi.
I'll have elm powdered up into dust;
| And when my teeth are entirely gone.
I'll have distilled pie-if 1t can be done;
And when lin 200 Old 20 drink or eat,
In essence OF pie I'll battle my feet
Many are the deig hts of railway tiavel,
although the majority of people profess to be
bored by having TO ride in the cals. The
sense of rapid motion is in itself pleasure,
while the flying scenery changes every mo-
ment like a panorama, and cannot fail to
interest, if not to delight, those who nave
any appreciation of natures beauty or any
taste for the artistic suggestions embodied in
wide and evcr-shifting landscape. But
when such miserable little annoyance as II
cinder from the locomotive gets into ones
eye then indeed sentiment and comfort are
a, an end 1t is an aggravation which grows
worse and worse the longer it is endured.
Some friend of humanity suggests simple
cure for this most common afiliction which,
at least, deserves a trial 1t is simply TO
place one or two grains of flax seed in the
eye. These seeds are perfectly painless,
because they begin at once to dissolve, and
shortly gutinous substance is diifused over
the hall of the eye, developing any foreign
substance that may be in it. At the first
opportunity little water will remove the
film of flax. seed aud the annoying substance
at the same time. a dozen of these grains
stored away in the pocket may prove very
valuable to the railway traveller
Our readers will probably remember the
little newspaper ripple, u few weeks ago
caused by the seemingly remarkable feat of
a certain Professor Bibbero," who swan
across the East River at New York with his
hands and feet tied A party Of adventure
some metropolitan girls who had become
quite proficient in the art of swimming, by
daily practice in the free bath ut the foot OF
Gouverneur street. New York, resolved to
show that it was not necessary to import
professors" to exhibit that style OF swim
ming. Several of them, from eight to twelve
years old, recently accomplished this feat to
please one or two persons who rather
doubted their ability to do it. Their success
would have made Bibbero blush had he been
present. Clad IN their suits, which were,
like Josephs, of many colors, with q ribbon
firmly tied around their wrists and ankles,
they started on their backs with their hands
lying on their chests, while they gave quick
convulsve kicks with their feet. They
crossed the bah. distance Of about sixty
feet in less than a minute, and turning,
swan back in the same way, and were
loudly applaudcd by the other ba,hers. A
few of them turned on the side occasionally
and used their arms AS well as they could.
but she was not built for speed" and
though she struggled womanfully, she was
badly beaten by the little girls. The smallest
girl who swan, Maggie Lotus, was eight
years old. She is regular mermaid and is
expert in all the styles of swimming before
enumerated.
Laugh and grow fat says the popular
provcrb. But how does laughing increase
| tho u1ipoao tiesun nf thu human fran Ilv
supplying brisk and pleasant form of ex-
ercise, that in its turn gives birth to keen
appetite Laughter wastes a little to create
a demand for large supply. 1t uses up a
dipperful of vitality, to start the pump of
health, which will supply you with a hogs
head-full. 1t is good thing, then, to laugh
at the breakfast table. 1t increases ones
appetite, and it is a very piquant sauce for
plain dish. We propose, therefore, to SUBJ
nit an occasional amusing anecdote among
our 'briefs' whereof the following is num-
Der one
A young man with u nose like razor and
an eye which would have raised blister on
sheet iron on hot day, halted pedestrian
on Cratic, avenue, and stated that he was
trying to raise money TO reach the bedside of
his dying aunt in Chicago. lie was too
proud to beg, but il the citizen would give
him II quarter he would show him trick
worth five dollars.
"Vosh is dot trick :" qucricd the
citizen.
at is TO make ten cents go further than u
dollar. You can play It on the boys, and
make ten dollars day"
MY frcndt, never plays mid der
boys"
Eyes, but you can have lots of fun, you
know"
81 vhas no handt for fun. If ever git
off some SMOKES never laff"
Yes, but this is something new. When
you come down to the grocery of an evening
YOU"
81 don't come down. vhas home on der
shtcps all der eafnings"
"But you could have little fun with your
neighbors."
Il told you vhas not funny man
likes ter shmoke and read der morning pa.
pers"
well, don't want to beg, and I'm of
fering you the trick very low in order to get
home and see my sister die, Have you
dying sister ?"
81 doan' expect have. Was ish dat
drick ?"
"To make ten cents go further that dol
lar"