River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1882-09-21
SOME FUN.

being sigher before marriage.
Sweet milk is like transaction that
hasn't taken place-something that
hasn't curd.
A Texas man was arrested for riding
mule on Sunday. 1t was another
mans mule, by the way.
Many revolutions social and other
wise, have failed because there were
too many cranks connected with them.
Don't complain over misfortunes.
If you ask, why not, the question
echoes the answer, whine not.
Some traits run in families. Shake
speare's father, being illiterate, made
his mark. So did Shakespeare.
A banker is not always musical, but
he possesses considerable skill in de-
tecting false notes.
The fashion editor of a frontier news
paper, Immediately after an Indian
scare, said he was sorry to observe that
whoops were coming in again.
A church in Mexico was shattered
by an earthquake, and it is said the
congregation were greatly stirred up
about it.
Timid persons afraid of steamboats,
will be pleased to know that George
Decker, who made the first trip ON
Fulton's craft, is still alive and hearty.
Sydney Smith said to his vestry, in
reference to a block pavement about
st. Paul's: "All you have got to do,
gentlemen, is to put your heads to-
gether and the thing is done.
An insane congressman is laboring
under the delusion that a proposition
which is voted down is like a pair of
spectacles, because it is carried by the
noes.
A cold-hearted man is like run
away horse. He won't listen to the
sound of woe. He is also like man
who disagrees. He doesn't give as
sent.
Stoves are supposed to be q some
what modern invention, but the Egypti-
ans were warmed" by Alexander the
Crate B. G. 800.
1t is told of Edward Everett that in
carving tough duck 1t was knocked
from the platter into a lady's lap.
Madame" he said, bowling gravely,
"I'll trouble you for that duck"
When Fogg heard of boy who was
terribly injured while playing with fire,
he quietly remarked: ooh, that is
nothing he was only little sun burnt"
Fogg ought to be tanned the heartless
wretch.
"Talk about stopping the drinking
habits of the people," exclaimed the
lecturer ; there is but one way to do it
you must remove 'the cause"
"True fr you, OF feP," shouted de-
moralized nearer, ''true f'r you. That's
what I've been trying to do all my life.
Bring on your cause if you want it re-
moved"
"Why are you later" asked school
teacher of little girl, who hung her
head and said: ave have got a baby
at our house." "Don't let it happen
again." said the teacher, fiercely, and
the little girl said she would not, and
took her seat.
A little lady of 81 years had picked
up cane in the corner of the room,
and was playing with ia plain stick
bent at the end. Papa asked: "What
are you doing with the Gamer" "It
isn't cane" "What is it, then?"
dts an umbrella without any clothes
on it."
A St. Louis man came home very
early the other evening, kicked his
wife and children into the street locked
the door and went to bed. His wife
made no complaint, but went to a rela-
tive's and with beaming face exclaim-
ed: "Thank fortune, know where my
husband is this night, anyway
"Will you please pass the Shem p
asked quiet man at the lunch cOun-
ter.
Haven't any, squealed the girl in
attendance.
"Some Japhet?" queried the old man
again.
Don't keep it." squeaked the dam
sci.
81 say" Clipped in curious pas
senger, "what do you mean by Shem
and Japhet?"
Nothing" responded the little man
dolefully; "nothing, only the ham is so
old and musty that 1 thought the rest
of the tribe might be around mere
somewhere, and I'd like to see 'em."
"How old are you, Fanny?' asked
little Johnny Fizzletop of neighbours
little daughter living in the suburbs of
the city of Austin.
"I'm five years DID," replied Fanny.
"She is telling a lie," said Fanny 8
brother, who was present. "She was
seven on her last birthday"
"Ah |" said Johnny, "that's the way
it is with these women; they are al
ways trying to make themselves
out younger than they are. "--1e1as
Siftings.