Daily globe., 1882-07-30
BROKEN DOSES.
Compounded for the Sunday Globe by DIR.
Atias' Fellow of the American Academy
OF Homeopathic HumoSis,s.

4 OF Advertising the very best, though.
: Dodger advertising is one Of the best, be-
cause it is artful, and the whole country
: is mashed" on art about this time An
artfully gotten up dodger helps the anna
teur job printer, clears the market of
) common paper and gives the cause Of
education send-of. 1t commences
where the public schools haven't taken
hold, by going straight into
the hands of people who
cannot read. 1t saves stammering genius
the trouble Of tearing its two-line En-
glish fantail letters from the cold and
silent tombstones. If there had been
dodgers in Shakspeare's day, the old log
cabin in the Stratford lane would have
been much spicier place to visit, be-
cause the walls would have been papered
with them Shakespeare himself would
have been a much greater man under a
dodger dynasty. A dedger is something
that people generally keep, it has an in
trinsic value that newspaper doesn't
possess, because a newspaper can't afford
to leave one side blank. For this reason
journalism will never be able TO entirely
supplant dodgerism. received an art
full dodger while perambulating Third
street Wednesday morning. 1t said to
me. "Why wilt thou stay in the city
and wilt when thou canst keep icool?' [
think the quotation is from Exodus. But
didn't eXodust. | had been shiverinc
and looking blue at night about the gills
| for over a week and did not feel that
the broad promise applied to nv case:
| the whiting eped mic hadn't struck me
quite. But | froze to the dodger. and
hung 1t up tenderly in the tonsorial de-
partment of my home, where the golden.
crimson sunbeams could fall upon it at
the prayerful twilight hour.
IT WASN'T He
Yesterday l met on Wabashaw street
man who attracted my attention. He
tried to pass me On the wrong side, and.
| failing in this, we both halted. NY first
| impulse was to consider him resuscl-
tated victim of the Scioto disaster. He
| had raft of toOthpicks in his mouth.
which he seemed to wish somebody would
drive down his throat. Twas so disguised
l wouldn't accommodate him. Wouldn't
! have been willing even to bury him.
His hat had fallen off in the conclusion.
| and allowed him to stoop and pick it
| up himself. 1t seemed, as if the honey
of pollteness, which used to be the boast
of my big sisters gentlemen friends, had
| been turned to petritied wormwood within
me. AS he returned from the pavement
with his caddy 1 noticed that he had
pug nose, leaden eyes, a bad breath,
greasy skin and scraggly hair and beard.
My disdaln was too great to last, and |
said with suavity:
''Sir, l thank you most kindly
"Wha' fer?'' he asked.
HFOr picking IN VOur hat If wac NV
place to do it. But 1t isn't every man that
L would apologize to, under the clrcum-
stances"
"Glve us yer repertoire" shooting
hiccough square in my face.
g would apologize to steamboat
pilot, a prize-fighter, a bank robber. a
clerk of watering place hotel, or to
your honorable self.''
'tHonorable se'f2 Who IN |? You
don't know me ?''
& If [ don't know you, there's nothing
i'll phrenology, physiognomy, physiology
or spiritualism. If l can't call the turn
on you, I'll give you four for one. If l
can't size you up by your character, as
bespoken by your writings and general
personal appearance, I'll treat"
''Who I'm I?''
aren't you the raw-mouth of Peck's
Sun? Ain'tyou Charles Peck, l. X Peck,
Speckled Peck, Peculiar Peck, Hen
pecked Peck? Hal Pay me! come, now,
pay me-
"Then I'm a dead minnow. Come
along and I'll blow in the price of bot
tie Of kOumis. Come on, colonel. and
you'll never be mistaken for a fun con-
tractor again, if you'll inhale my hospi-
tality for a half a week.
THE GOOD NEWS
Just after the good news came from
Iowa, l met Ruthgarber and said to him,
in tone that was just audible to the
beer keg in a white apron across the
street:
''Hello, there, Ruthgarber, old boy,
what do you think of the news from
Iowa?''
81 dink de news ish breddy pad. Fif-
dee tousand vemlles leaved tesdidoot."
81 don't know as it is quite that big"
said l; "but then We cannot be expected
to sympathize with the wives and chill
dren OF saloon keepers, can we? Think
of the homes they desolated, the hearts
they have broken, the hopes they have
laid low, the misery they have sent abroad
on the tidal wave of the foaming CUP
'Vats de matter mid you? Aind
zhloon gebers got thrighd do leeve? Vot
you wand EN- gillet vor, eh9''
We haven't killed any of them yet. 1t
hasn't got that far along. But we like
to see their nefarious business broken
up"
IAN dheir ouses whirlet oOp indo de
air?''
"How?''
"Vell! Py shemlny ish dot 20, aind
lds Vot vor you like to zeen man goin
| deaf vor zellln gloss peer? Ugh?'
81 have no desire to deprive them of
lie, and the pursuit of happiness. But
If they bring starvation upon themselves
by battling with the temperance
"Demprence!. Ish dot vot YOU zav?"
"!sn't that what you meant?'
"Vell, zay. Ivas dalklng> dot zyglone
aboud. Eent youns vos somedins else
aboud tunking. Aind id? Ven, DIV zhee-
miny, dots zo!'' ~
SINGULAR DREAM
l had singular afternoonmare while
taking post-prandial snooze this week.
l had eaten pretty heavily of fish from
one of the lakes hereabouts, and sur
| prised my stomach, which got even bv
playing trick upon my brain. can.
didIy believe that an autopsy about that