davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Playing a splendid Joke on His Wife.

Dave Goudy is one of the dryest jokers in the
world, and he had Just soon play joke on n
member of his own family as not. Dawes wife
is friend of his, and she is subject to his
Jokes. She hates Indians, and always locks the
door when she sees the beggers W no camp around
Beaver Dam coming towards the house. Dave
knew this so lie hired an Indian to go up to the
house and get in, with a pass-key, and beg pair
of Dawes old pants of the good wife, which she
would gladly give TO get rid of him, and then of
fered the Indian a half dollar if he would go
right into the parlor and put the pants on. Dave
thought it would be a splendid joke on his wife,
and he got 4 drug store man named Griffs to go
with him and watch the fun from a distance.
The Indian got in the house, and when he asked
for a pair of old pants the good lady saw through
the joke and gave him Dawes Sunday pants and
he went in the parlor and was going to put
them on. This was too much for her, and she
went to the kitchen and got a dipper of hot wa
ter Nobody knows exactly what occurred, but
Dave and Griffs suddenly saw an Indian come
ont of the front door with one leg in a pair OF
black doeskin pants and the other leg dangling
in the air, and the Indian yelled as though he
was in pain, and he pulled out for the camp up
the lake about six miles. As he passed the two
gentlemen the Indian said, ''Squaw heap spun
ks. Ugh! hot water" and he was gone. Dave
went home and asked what the news was, and
found he was ont pair of Sunday pants in the
pockets of which were twelve dollars in money
and his wife says when he wants TO send his
friends up to the house for any more pants, TO do
so, by all means. She will be at home.-Boarn
Dam argus.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Grass Plots in Cities

/ wish to point out n common error in the
management of small srass-plots. Many may
now be seen TO be thickly covered with stable
MANURE, being intended to make the grass grow,
but it really chokes it. One of the chief draw
backs TO the growth of grass in towns is its being
choked. What might benefit grass in the conn
try will act differently in towns, especially when
the plots are small and inclosed. Stable manure,
too, kills the finer and also brings with it the
seeds of the coarser grasses. The better plan
would be, if manure is needed at all, TO sprinkle
a little guano on it about this time of the year,
than which nothing can be more effective, both
as regards the production of growth and color.
1t has other advantages over litter, as it does
away with the untidy appearance, and
tends against worms; but neither guano nor
anything else will grow good grass under trees.
" ". Marsh
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Cur Strap 8ook.
aaErrY AND THE RARY.

When sorTow, like frenzy. swept
Through countless peaceful bosoms
And love fell prone, and hopeless wept
Mid Summers dropping blossoma.
How drear that guard the soldier kept,
OF him VINO spread this anguish
Though justice has not died. nor slept.
And vengeance did but languish
Perchznce that freary turned his head,
And oyerpowered, II may be-
The heart that loved, the hand that fell
Poor Betty and the Baby"
he thought it hard, who fought 20 well
To save the land from ruin
Thai he must daily guard his cell,
Who had been Hopes undoing;
Whose hated face behind the bars
Had dmmed the sunshines brightness
And cast q gloom about the starr,
And blanched Loves cheek TO whiteness!
This bitter thought then turned his head,
And 0verpowered, 1t NAV be,
The heart that loved. the hand that fed
Poor Betty and the Baby.
And could IL be he had forgot
His babe, its mother Betty;
A fathers love; al did IL not
Incline his soul to pityi
Yes thinking Of his own, he felt
For hsna the assassin wounded
And while his heart With love might melt,
Its fury was unbounded-
Thus, armed to shoot il turned his head,
And overpowered, il NAV be,
The heart that loved. the hand that fed,
Poor Betty and the BABY.
He loved the President, because
He, too had been a soldier.
With loves like these, what were the laws
Then musket to the shoulder,
Fast sped the ball that proved 80 true
Where least he bad intended
While Guiieau grinned, mid much ado.
His own bright dreams were ended
For there between him and the bars
Hsf .uried a may h.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
kendaII's SPAWN Cure.

wilton, MINI, jan. 18th, 1881.
B. J. KENDALL Co, Gents:-HsvnE get horse book
Of BY mail year sgo the Of which persuaded
to try Ksndas Spawn Cure the hind leg Of Of
my hcrses Which badly swollen and could not be
daeed BY any ether remedy, gst bottles Of Ksndas
SPAWN Curs Of Preston Ladduih Druggists Of wsaeca
which eonpstey cured my horse About Eve years ago
bad three year old colt sweenied very badly used
your remedy given in your book without rowsng sad
must credit that the colt entirely cured which
surprise not only to ysef but also 10 neghbors
You sent the book for the tnng OF Is and
could not get another like it. would take twenty
ave dollars for IL. Your truly
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
--.tsa,t Of tlleThins.
BAD JIHI.

of osurss, II was a sin
Fer him 70 stick pin
In ne chair
Where his psr,nt often sat,
But he didn't tlink Of that
Didn't care.
On the cushion soft and fat,
Law his fathers Sunday hat,
And he knew
That he'd never stop TO look
For the iiny pointed hook
Sticking through.
So behind the lounge he got,
For be thought be a rather not
Be around.
whea the parent raised the hat,
And upon the pin-pOint SAT
Judgment sound
Then he heard his fathers step,
And another. but he kept
Like mouse.
The new parsou, sure as fate.
Moved into the place, Of late,
Souls TO rouse.
Host from chair removed his bat,
Babe him seat himself in that,
And he did.
From inep!rod lips there fell
Earnest words and curdling yell
AL unbid.
Now, tina. bog has lost his vim,
And a seat that Just suits him,
Must be soft
And he wears a weary frown,
And sou note he don't sit down
Very oft.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

ROYAL ARGUHENTs.-Frederick the Great was
very fond of disputatiOn but As he generally
terminated the discussion by cOllaTiHg his antag
.snist End kicking his shins, few of his guests
were disposed to enter into the arena against
him. One day when he was even more than
usual disposed for an argument, he asked one of
his suite why he did not venture to express his
opinion on some particular question. at is i'm
possible. your Majesty" was the reply, ''to ex-
press an opinion before sovereign who has
such very strong convictions, and who wears
such very thick boots
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

NEw HAMPSHIRE girl went into a Boston
general furnishing store, and stepping up to the
pale intellectual looking Young man behind the
nearest counter, asked him if be would be kind
enough TO fit her with pair of gloves. The
high-browed Athenian glanced at her hands,
and then called TO a cash boy, who was com
,.Ounding spit balls at the opposite counter said:
Here. Pete; show this young lady to the pill
foy-caSs departInent"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

THE DOCTRINE OF CHANCE.-He was an en-
tire stranger TO the girls present, and the boys
finally plucked up courage, and stepping up to
n young lady, requested the pleasure of her com
pany for the next dance. She looked at him in
surprise, and informed him that she had not the
pleasure Of an acquaintance. ''Well," remark
ed he, lyon don't take any more chances than
I do :"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

WATER AND STRAwBERRIEs.-When the fruit
in your strawberry beds is swelling they should
be plentifully watered in the absence of rain. 1t
has marked effect upon the perfectness and
size of the berry. We know this requires labor,
but so does everything you anticipate the per-
fection Of success.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

RADIsHEsASD TURSIPs-Radshes and turnips
or at least ground where they have not hereto
fore been. Old gardens are the worst places in
the world for radishes. You will rarely obtain
any sound ones. Clay mixed with the old soil
vitalizes it greatly, and will produce good ra-
dishes
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

THAT Christianity is gaining ground, there is
10 room 10 doubt. The other day two Wick
hdTger-, seated in the shade of an awning, got
intO n dispute as 10 whether the Methodist out
numbered the Baptist in the South, and before
they were separated, the Baptist had chawed a
good share of the Methodst's left ear off. There
i nothing like standing up for your church.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
FROM A
PROMINENT PHYSICIAN.

wa-hinstonvle Ohio June nth 1850
DR. b. J. KENDALL Co, Gents Reading your adver-
tsement In Turf Eeid and Farm Of Kendall SPAWN Cure
and having valuable and speedy horse which had been
lame SPAWN for eighteen months to YOU for
bottle BY express which in sI weeks all
and enlargement and large spnt from another
both horses to-day sound eolts The bottle
worth TO one hundred dollars
Respectfully yours
Ii. A. BERTOLETT n d.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

TlIs is the season of the year when man
steps a loose brick in n spongy sidewalk, and
has q quart of mud squirted up the side of his
best pnntalOons gentle reminder of the fact
that gentle Spring is fast ehucking winter out
of its lap.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

A KENTUCKY farmer refused 10 look at a sam
Pile sewing machine, recently, As he always
''soved wheat by hand He is related to the
man who did not want threshing machine on
his farm; "for," said he, give me harness
barrel stave, and can make my family toe
the mark according to law and Serpter.n
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

A Young man who Thought he had won the
heart and now asked the hand IN marriage of a
certain young widow, was asked by her, "What
is the difference between myself and Ar. Bax-
ley's Durham cOwf
lie naturally replied, "Well, don't know"
''Tlren," said the widow, ''yOG had better
marry the COW r-BrOcfoa Gazette
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

YoU may go on inventing washing-machines
for the next fifty years. but to the average eye
you can't patent anything equal to the sight OF
lady's diamond rings flashing in and out of
the sparkling suds as she humps 4 wet towel up
and down the washboard
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

DEAR me" exclaimed Stiggins, ''that new
surgeon gave Squantums boy a new lip from
the child's own cheek. What painful opera
zion it must huve beenw 1--WE had pair OF
/ taken from my cheek more than once,' re-
lie Mrs. Stiggins, "and it wasn't painful op-
~. lion n: all"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

Ar an examination of candidates for the civil
service, one Of the questions prOpounded was {:
"What clerical experience have YOU had. if
snyf' To this one asPirant had appended his
written answer: Lutheran Another wrote {:
.EMethodist-a LITTLE"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

ONE morning a little four-year old boy lay
awake IN his CRIB. His head seemed TO be stop
ped with a cold. After vainly struggling for s
while 20 clear it, he exclaimed: Mamma, what
is tho matter with one side of my nose; 1t won't
60"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

going an examination at Washington astonsh-
ed the examining board, by stating that Amer
lea was discovered by George Washington. His
principal answer to the questions propOunded
was, ''law, gewiss."
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

NO, Mrs. Henry; no." said John, in tones of
solemn warning. Look at Mrs. Belknap. She
wanted new dress, too; and see where she is
noWf Stick to your calico, Mrs. Henry, and
avoid the insidious voice of the tempter.r
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

SOME people will never get through asking
foolish questions. A New York paper asks:
WAS Grant surprised at Shiloh r. We don't
know how it was at Shiloh, but Grant was very
much surprised at Chicago. lie was more than
surprised. He was shocked
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

VINO is more restless at heart, more frequently
fretted, OF more grievously enraged, than To-
yer of himselfi This is the case as often as he
is not honored according to the pride Of his
heart, or when anything does not succeed &C.
cording to his wish and pleasure.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

at is 80 cold in Duluth SAYS Michigan pa
per, THAT lovers can't sit up over fifteen min
utes;" whereupon thoughtful exchange adds,
that ''unless parsons and magistrates are obsO-
lete in that region, why the dickens don't they
90 TO bed -
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

SiHURL HACKESAERY, of Alabama, didn't
rome home 81 the usual hour the other night,
and when his wife found him hanging 10 limb
hogs alone"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

grin had a gardener who was very slow.
Thomas said he, "did you ever see snail I,
Certainly Then" reioined the wit. 'syou
must have met him; you could never overtake
him
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

SLEEPY deacon who sometimes engages in
popular games, hearing the minister use the
words. "shuffe of this mortal coil" started
mp, rubbed his eyes, and exclaimed, ..fIold on,
it's nv turn TO deal"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

TEE st. Louis Morning Ness, ''csme to STAY
Therefore it died. 1t was started by a man who
had 6, coo which he didn't want to burn up
Free Press
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

How much arc these fearful bulbs by the
quart asked a maiden Of grocer the other
morning. He stared at her moment, recover
ed himself. and said: "oh, them inyuns; eight
cents"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

las funny! but soft palmed woman can pass
hot pie plate 10 her nearest neighbOr at the
table, with smile sweet as distilled honey,
while q man, with a hand as horny as a crocko-
dies back, will drop it TO the floor and howl
around like a Si0ux Indian at a scalD dance
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
KendaII's SPAWN Cure.

Hamilton, Mo-. June 18th 1881.
B. J. KlyDALL Co, Gents;-This 10 certify that
have used kendss SPAWN Cure and have found 10 DO
all il Il recommended TO BE- and in fact
removed by using the above Czlous Bone Spavins Ring
bones Splints and eheerfuy testify and recommend
IL TO be the best thing for substance
used and have tried many have that my s,udy
for years Respectfully yours
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

A YOUNG man in Evansville coughed IN A
twenty-five cent currency note the other day
and he has gone right hack to the boarding
house whose hash he formerly complained of.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

A MAN who is sixty years old, has spent twen-
" years of his life in sleep, unless he is laboring
on a morning newspaper, when he probably has
been awake sixty-fve years.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

TRE Prince of Wales sons are somewhat live
ly. While on sea voyage recently, the young
or was heard to eXclaim: "COme, bub. tone up
your fiddle and give us God save your old
grandmother
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

Toa HOOP, at a Lord Mayors dinner, once
leaned back at about the middle of the feast,
and requested the waiter to bring him the rest
In money.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Kendall's SPAWN Cure {!

Kelleys Island Enc County Ohio, Mar -. 1889.
DE b J. KENDALL & Co, Geatss-I have used yosr
"kendas SPAWN Cure . bone SPAWN and pleased
70 report that IL has taken the eompstey o6
II only bottle perform the confident
hit il properly us-d ii will de all you claim for il.
Yours truly G.. N LINCOLN.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

WESTERN paper says the Rev. Mr.. Smith. of
Illinois, was acquitted for drowning his wife,
because it was his first offence Of the kind,
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

Acme, Mich, Deosnber 18th 1872
Dr.. b. j. KENDALL Co, Gents IL YOU one collar
fer your "Kendzlls SPAWN Care, lat Summer which
cured bone spawn with half bottle The beat linment
ever used. Yours respectfully
HOMER HOXIE
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

'Ir bnst out s-lsffin' you mustn't get mad,
mister was the reasonable request of Fort
Wsyne bride, to the officiating clergyman.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

IT is hard to suit some people Old Jones. fer
instance, says he would like the country if it
were not for one drawback. The id, night
ingsles make such noise he can't Sleep
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
WHAT IS GOOD FOR BEAST Is GOOD FOR MAN.

Gnvssssd l. L, January, 1881.
B. J. KENDALL Co.. Gents: IL vish 70 s1d ny tssans
ny In favor Of your invaluable KsDdas SPAWN Cure
In the employ Of the Prospect Park and Csasy Inland Ra
road and froze very badly this winter suffered
ntenss pain until Mr. Dunley spilled your nnsst to then
IL gave slnoss instant relief and By applying twice
for week 10 restored the % IL sze AnA
have had no troubls snes feel very Erafsfn -
you and wouh rscsnnend Kendals epsvia Clrs 70 N
JOHN DlsuY.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

INPoIITENEss is derived from just two sources
-indifferences to the divine, and contempt for
the human.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Kendall's SPAWN Cure !

Oh HUAAH FLESH repeated
coRI BUaIoH menea Some afraid
flesh
good BEAST good r NAN and know from that KENDLLs
wonderful human hh and blister
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

GREAT men and geniuses find their true places
In times Of great events.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

We feel positive that have perfect
he will only good applying KENDALLS
SPAWN CURE bad long standing Read
below the experience of others.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20

An occasional story of the old back-pay bus
iuess comes to the surface. Representative
Harris. of Virginia, tells this himself: 81 yO
fed against the BILL" said he, "but took the
money. When / was up for reelection, they
ihrew it up to me on the stump. told them
that had tried to beat the BILL but had taken
she money, yet ] thought they would forgive
me- when they heard what had done with IT.
u took that money down into Virginia, said ],
'and gave il TO poor woman with seven chill
dren and told her to use it for herself and chill
drcn, and the thing is not a bit worse because
that woman is my wife, don't think lost a
vote by that back-pay business
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Warning to Farmers.

Farmers should be very careful about setting
old straw stacks on fire. A New Jersey farmer
burned a straw stack. and just as the flames
were becoming torrid, six traInps cTaw led out OF
the stack their hair singed, and smoke oozing
ont of their collars, and places where the cloth
ing was torn They upbraided the farmer for
his carelessness and threatened 10 sue him for
damages straw stack burned near Racine on
Monday night, and human bones have been
found in the aches. Somebody is short one
trauip. The best way TO do, before burning a
straw stack, is to take pitchfOrk and run II
into the stack all around, when, if no smotheIed
profanity is heard, you can conclude the tramps
have got into the barn or hog pen.-PecEs San.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
J. p. DAVIS. Pres.

1f6 ovsasfsN AslrSss IHIkA Co., kssssA Name
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Kendall's SPAWN Cure {!


snnaga an
rRIHIDAM co, H,osbursh F.us vs.at
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
lead its Effects on Human Flesh !!

Waterloo. Ind, Sept Tth, 1881.
BORN CAnPBsiI Gentlemen The bsttls Of Kendals
Spawn Cure purchased Of hzs cured Of Q
lane back taer using alost everything else the relief
~ slDost instant put only very little time
and rubbed t In well consider il the best linment for
man or hsrss sxtast would not do without IL for
tines ths ansl1s &c costa
Ysan traly HIRAM LEIB.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-04-20
Kendall's SPAWN Cure {!

1t Cures Spavins,
Splints, Gun his. Rim e.
bones, and all similar
blemishes, and removes
the bunch without Bills.
tering.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-03-28
ADJUSTMENTS.

This evening the historical play of
Damon and Pythias' viii be presented at
Harper's theatre by the Frederick Warde
combination, for the first time in many
years. Mr.. Warde will impersonate the
leading role, and first class performance
is promised.
The play from whose dramatic incidents
has sprung the order of the knights of
Pythias, was formerly very popular both
with the public as well as the profession.
For some unknown reason, it has been
supplanted by other plays of less merit,
and its production is therefore something
of novelty. 1t win be given this evening
with a strong cast of characters.
Tomorrow evening Bulwers ever popu
lar Lady of Lyons" is underlined with
Frederick Warde as Claude Nelaotte,
part in which he excells.
The sale of reserved seats Is now in pro-
gress at the Harper House drug store.