Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1882-03-21
Going To Bed Mad.
MR.. sPOoPENDYKE OBJECTS TO THE
PUBLICITY WHICH Is GIVEN TO HIS
DOMESTIC HABITS.


PUBLICITY WHICH is GIVEN TO His
DOMESTIC HABITS.
Say, my DEAR roared Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, as he dashed into the room and
fell into chair, did you know that tina,
section OF stove pipe, with handy Leg
and q Presbyterian-steeple nose, bad
published book about you and me p
No! exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendvke.
You don't tell me! Is 1t anything
like Napoleon Bonaparte crossing the
Alps"
No, it amt anything like Napoleon
B0naparte crossing the Alps = suOrteo
Mr.. Spnopendyke. And it amt auy
thing ike Julius Hannibal crossing the
Hejlespoint ! Nor it amt anything
about Queen Victoria! It's about ys:u
and me, I tell you! It's all about ou'
private life, aud the idiot always rep
resents me as going to bed mad!
Il don't think that there's anythin &
in our private life to be ashamed of,
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, and AZ to your
going to bed mad, you generally do,
don't you. dearT
what if 1 doY howled Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke. 'S'pose 1 want to go to bed OIL
every news stand In the country dom
up in cheap binding and bad type
Think want posters out Oh the fences
'Spoopendyke going to bed mad, in pa
per, rs cents Spoopendy ke going to bed
mad, with additions and preface by ths
author, price so cents; Sp0Opendyk.
going to bed mad. bound in cloth with
beveled edges; children cry for 1t an
doctors recommend it, price one dOIlafP
Got an idea that want to go to be'i
mad in twentyfour editions, with q ROW
with a news company, printers bill
unpaid, and paper manufacture
bowling for his money. Wah b b!
yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke. It's book
l tell you'll Cut on the edges, pasted Oh.
the back, covered on the outside, ana
reading matter all over! Know what b
book is :? The only difference between
. book and your mouth is that boob
shuts up once and q while! Who gavt
him the facts?' aud Mr.. Sp0opendyk.
leaned back in his chair and frOthed ~
the mouth.
''What does the man say in his book?
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke.
He don't say anything! He don't
get a chance! You do all the talking
like you do at home! o, you re grea
wOman-now! It's Mrs. Sp0Opendyk.
this, and Mrs. Spoopendykea around tn.
corner, and Mrs. SpOopeudyke over thu
fence. Shakspeare.s nowherel You are
the leading literary character of the
day. Who told him you were an lido
that only needed q wash bill aud y
brother in law to be y Guiteau trial p
Il don't quite know wat you mean.
faltered Mrs. SPoopendyke. ! knew
about the Guiteau trial aud Ihoped Mr.
Porter would win it. But / don't know
anything about being literary, aud "
for Shakespeare, think he ID aln0s
rs abstruse AZ the BoaI ID of Education
What want to know is, who gave
him the facts! 'roared Mr.. Sp0opendyke
who gave this ten cent author with b
five-acre reputation the facts? HOWE
he ever find out that you didn't know
any more about keeping house than ,
frog does about keeping bank &C
c0unt?'
I'm sure don't know, DEAR said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, soothingly. 'Msybs
he is only newspaper man who pub
fishes facts first and then trusts to luck
to find them out..afterward. What does
he say about me-?
Say about youv squealed Mr.. Spoo
pendyke. He dome say enough He
only leaves the impression that dia
mond drill, q steam engine, fair weathe,
and low wages might make an impress
sion on your skull! Do you appreciate
the enOrmity of the situation! d. yob
reach out and grasp, comprehensiveli
the unalterable fact that your mxrke,
value is twenty-five cents IN paper anu
81 in cloth ? Can you absorb the ides
that in illustrating your red, white, ano
blue virtues LIE has dragged me into biz
book, 80 as to give character 10 i,?'
"Does he mention you, too =" exclsim
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, with an air OF
Mr.. Spoopendyke rose to his feet
Slowly he Invested himself of his cloth
ing and slammed the various articles OF
the floor, keeping his eye fixed on his
wife.
MRS. Spoopendyke," said he, a. he
pranced into bed, "be kind enough to
regard me as the cheap edition. The
honor of cloth, with beveled edges, gOiu
letters on cover and the name spelled
wrong belongs to you. With that sno
your literary attachments, combined
with your disposition to reflect discredit
On an insane jackass, you only need
your corners turned down, your back
TORN of to be circulating liorsry."-
With which profound illustration Ut his
for the situation, Mr.. SpOOp
endyke drew bis pillow over his head
md kicked vigorously.
II don't care" thought Mrs. Spoop
,ndyke, as she ran gathering string
the neck Of the baby's new
wrapper, "if the man says that Mr.
goes to bed mad every
light he tells the truth. and if he does |
hat don It care what he says about me
What I wonder about is whether Gui |
eau will be hung or not"
And Mrs. Spoopendyke crswled tn Cd |
Ter side Of the couch and then Topped
'ut again to see II the man under the
BED had not By some possibility got into
ne match safe and pulled the cover over