The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-02-24
WHY WE LAUGH.
If the good die young, how do you ac-
count for bald-headed editors.-ModerR

If the good die young, how do you &C
count for bald-headed editors.-Modern
Argo. ..s. ..E
1t Is kind of disgusting to a clergyman,
after he is pointed to the situation Of 9
condemned murderer, as 9 warning against
crime, to have . deacon rise up and say
"The man was pardoned yesterday."-Bos
ton Post.
About fifty persons were injured at Quincy
ILL.,, yesterday, by panic in q church.-EI
Somebody found an oyster in his soup at the
church festival probably. Boston CONNER,
ciai Bulletin.
It takes 800 full-blown roses to make q
tablespoonful of the famous perfume, and
you can get enough perfume out of sn onion
to drive dog on the gallop out ofa slaughter
house. And yet we admire the rose more
than we do the onion.-Boston Post.
Oscar Wilde thinks the Atlantic ocean
"tame." 1t Is hard to suit such . man. We
shall have to introduce him to an actress
who has seen in the paper statement that
she is over forty. If that doesn't suit his
taste for the wildly ferocious, his case i.
hopeless. Post. a.
Brown is kind.hearted man. Every
night he gives each of his children FIVE cents
for going to bed early, so as not to disturb
him when reading the evening paper. About
midnight he creeps noiselessly up stairs
takes the five cents from their pockets, and
the next morning gives them whipping fol-
losing it.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
The latest on Oscar Wilde's personal ap.
pearance is to the following effect: "There
is suggestion Of very tall man who, hav-
ing slept with an abnormally short man, has
awakened in the morning to find that his
companion has departed with the wrong
trousers, and is deliberating whether he
shall 60 down to breakfast with bis panta.
looms at half-mast."
"You must find 1t nonstreus BORE" says
a visitor to his hostess, the goddess of re-
nowned salon, 'to have to entertain so many
people. How do you manage to get rid Of
tiresome folk?" EASILY enough. When
want to get rid of anybody talk to him
about myself. If wish any one to stay,
all have to do is to talk to him about him.
self."-From the French.
The carriers address to the Eau Claire
Free Press begins as follows:
Whence falls the stream beyond our view
Il tha hn nlar OH y,
Where sleeps the stars the Who'll day through?
The "stars" sleep with the supes, and the
thunder chariots rest with the band wagons,
where the circus puts up for the winter, but
we don't know where the stream beyond
our view does fall. We give it up. Where
does it fall s-Peck's Sun.
at is the first time you ever repulsed me,
Edith, and it shall be the last" said young
DeCourcey as he arose haughtily and moved
toward the door. '.Stay!" cried she piteous-
ly, as if her heart would break, we must not
part in anger" "Well," he rejoined, hall
penitently, "what shall 1 do ?" "Oh," Gus
don't blame me, she explained with per.
ceptible shiver, "my neck is very sensitive
stood 1t as long rs could. Go and warm
your nose."-Brooklyn Eagle.
There are several marked peculiarities and
condolences in the year 1882. If you add
the first two figures together the sum is O.
and if you add the last two the sum will be
tie rgsdrr 'x 1Yc.~sda the two sums together
the third figure by the fourth, you will have
4. The fourth figure in the year Is 2, ant
times 4 is s. See? Then if you add to
gether the first and last figures You have
And 8 times 2 is @. Now, then, 9 times
is 4s, and 5 times is so. :. So fyou subtrac
the first figure of the year from the seeon'
You will have 7, but If you subtract the thir'
figure from the fourth, you will have love
ly time explaining how you do it. But II
IL you can't, and twice / is 2, and once J
2, too. These interesting and INSTRUCTIVE
combinations of the figures of this year ma
be carried out by an ingenious person to al
almost indefinite extent.--Brlington Haok
eye.