The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-03-01
FLOATING FANOIES.

Instead or complaining or the thOrnS among
.he roses. we should be thankful there are
roses among the thorns.
A burglar got into the house of a country
editor the other night. After a desperate
struggle the editor succeeded in robbing him.
A truly good man had rather be deceived
than be suspicious, and rather forego his own
right than run the venture of doing even a
hard thing.
A Vermont couple have married, after a
courtshlp of twelve years, during which the
brides father has put seven sets Of hinges on
the front gate.
An eastern exchange advises those young
ladies that preserve pieces of their dresses IN
their albums, to put in pieces Of the gentle
mems coats with dates and name of victim
attached.
She was plump and beautiful,
And he was much in love;
She hated him, but, woman like,
To catch him we she strove.
Blu then, You zee,
He was-a flea.
An Illinois girl found that she must either
give up her lover or her gum. and after one
pay spent in reflection, she pressed his hano
goodbye. and said she would always be a
sister to him.
An exchange comes to us with an article
entitled s.The Mormon Issue" From what
we know of the Mormon issue, it seems to
he az a general rule red headed and cross
eyed, and weighs about six pounds with its
clothes on.
It's funny. but a soft-palmed woman can
pass a hot pie-plate to her nearest nelghbor
at the table with a smile as sweet as honey,
while a man with a hand as horny as a croc-
odile's back, will drop it on the floor and
howl around like a Sioux Indian at a scalp
dance.
ssDarling, are you tired p asked his best
girl, the other evening. ''Yes, Birdie; very
tired" he replied, .'the bad air and tobacco
smoke at the shop are quite distressing and
seem to be wearing away my constitution.
And two hours later, while Birdie was slum-
boring the happy hours away, he felt SO tired
and distressed that he went and tried TO break
through the hurdy house floor with a double
shufle til t made the hole building tremble.
How dear to my heart is the school / attended.
AMI how / remember, so distant end dim.
That red headed B II and the pin that | Bonded
Aud careful Y put Gu the bench under him!
And how / re all the surprise of the master,
When Bill gave a yell and rp ang up with the pin,
So nigh that his bullet head busted the plaster
Alb We, and the scholars al set up Il grin.
That u, tive 10, Bi ly, tnt high ieapng Billy!
That loud shouting Billy that sat Oh q PIN!
"Can "a make a circus, ma r." Il don't
know, Jnhpny | suppose he could II he had
a great deal of money 10 buy horses and w,ld
animals. But why do you ask, Johnny 2
so, nothing much. Only seed that Gaston
Teller that you told Sis to have nothing to 90
with standing with his arm around her ut the
back gate last night, and he said to Sis, i
'spose if yer old man came along now ne
would make q circus and Sis laughed and
said You bel ="
The average John Chinaman that comes
here is not very we'll posted in patural his
tory. One who runs a laundry not a hundred
miles from here came int his shop with an
evident smell of trouble about him. just
then a customer came rushing in after his
washing, and taking in the situation, exclaim-
ed, '.He4vens, Sam, what's the matter with
you? What have gu been doiDg?" sam
answered, ME ca,chee littee lablt me lei
him go again. Dam source Mclean labit
stiukee like hellee."
These cries we hear on every side
Whether y. u walk or dtign to ride,
stake care! my vaccina ion!"
The charming girls they all repine,
And cen their gallant escorts whine
Don't touch my vaccinations"
I called on Kate the other night;
She rhrank from me with strange alright,
/ asked an explanation;
she cred, .'Oh, &c rye. don't hug me SO;
Oh. gracious goodness. do let go!
You hurt my vaccination! y
The nervous mother of a bright little boy
was alal med lest he should take the whOOp-
ing cough, which prevailed in the neighbor-
hood. She talked so much about it and wor-
ried over il SO that she had infected the child
with her fears to such an extent that he would
scarcely leave her side. One night, after he
had been put to bed and asleep, a donkey
was driven pas. the house. and when just Up
po>ite set up his hee-haw. With q shrek the