The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-11-17
Passages fromthe Jour
nal Of a Social
Wreck.
Harper's Magazine

two painful facts staring me blankly IN the
face. / am reduced almost iterallyto my last
cent, and have no prospect of increasing this
sum. For the first time in my life l may as
well examine the situation impartially 1t is
not my fault that it is physical impossibility
for me to get up early in the morning, and
therefore that Ineyer have staid in any Office
more than two or three weeks at the longest.
1t is constitutional can't write good hand,
or keep books correctly, for the same reason.
Mathematics were left out ofmy composition.
Unjust smoke, and it is impossible for me to
smoke poor cigars. If am In debt for
cigars, as well as other necessities, how can l
help it? would willingly work if [ could only
find the kind of work that would suit me. L
am not fool There is not man in New
York who speaks French with better accent
than do / can sing better than most anna
tours. There is no vanity in saying that peo-
pie consider me good-looking. don't find it
difficult 10 please when make an effort, and
vet 1 am a complete failure. 1t is not
my fault I'm a round peg in a square
hole. / ought to have been the oldest son
of a duke, with large allowance. Instead,
am a helpless orphan, with nothing year. 1
seem to joke; in reality am in despair For
tunately my landlady trusts me blindly, or
would be turned into the street
have sold or pawned all my valuables.
might pawn my dress suit and studs, but if I
did, couldn't 60 out to dinner if were
asked and that is always saving. 1 can not
Srofo in
my voice has not been sufficiently trained.
There always is something to prevent my sue
cess, no matter what try.
To-day l met Morton in the street. He
stopped me and said: "By-the-way, Valentine,
your name will come up at the Amsterdam very
soon. You are sure to get in"
Imagine paying club dues in my present con-
diton! Yet to belong 10 the Amsterdam has
been one Of my ambitions. 1 had to get out
of it, and said in an off-hand way: "Ah,
thanks, Morton, but you may as well take
my name off the list I'm thinking Of living
out of town"
So | AMI think of occupying six feet Of
real estate in the country, if something
doesn't happen soon. Morton always if
ritates me. He is one of those prosperous,
fortunate creatures always so completely
the thing that l feel hopelessly my own de-
iciencies.
January 15.-Something has happened
have an idea. 1t strikes me as strange yet
feasible. When I came in this afternoon
found letter lying on my table. Iopened it,;
it ran as follows;
"NEw YORK, Jan. IA, 188--Families who
are about to give receptions, dinner parties or
other entertainments will be gratfed to know
that persons who will assist in making these
events pleasant and enjoyable can be obtained
through the medium of the Globe Employment
bureau These persons will not be profess
SIGNALS, but parties of culture and refinement,
who will appear well, dress elegantly, and
mingle with the guests, while able and willing
to play sing, converse tuently, tell a good
story, give a recitation, or anything that will
help to make an evening pass pleasantly.
"The Globe Employment bureau in this
plan simply complies with the increasing
demands of o large class of its patrons. The
attendance of these persons young or old, can
be had for the sum of fifteen dollars per even
ing each. We will guarantee them to be
strictly honorable and reliable persons. Re
spectfully yours,
"IRE GLOBE EMPLOYMENT BUREAU"
The idea amused me. Imoralized on it as
phase of New York society; wondered what
sort of people would employ these individu-
ais; wondered what the individuals would feel
like themselves; smiled grimly at the inference
that could go to the expense of fifteen dollars
to procure the services of one of these per-
sons While 1 stood with the letter in my
hand, a thought flashed into my mind. II
widened and developed until now it possesses
my whole being | can't hire Globe young
man but anything is better than starvation
will be Globe young mani
January 18.-It is all settled, and am in
the service of the New York Globe After two
days of hesitation, presented myself this
morning at the Globe office was shown to
the Employment bureau, and there through
little grating, was interviewed by young
clerk of supernatural composure. He had d
cool discerning eye that seemed to read my
very soul, and take in my situation and err
rand alta glance. [ produced the Globe letter as
the simplest method of introducing myself.
He looked at me with his discriminating ex-
preston. "Let me see" he murmured ave
have had three thousand applications since the
day before yesterday, and our list is complete
But six Acknowledged looking-distin
guished, in fact"-he bit the handle of his pei
meditatiYely. His air of reflection changed t,
one OF decision, "JuSG follow me, please, IN
concluded
followed him through a dim passage to
little room where there was piano with SOM
music ON it. Standing beside the piano was
small dark man, rubbing his hands and bow
ing politely as we entered. 1t reminded me o
one of the torture chambers Of the Inquisition
What were they going to do to me?
The chief inquisitor, in the shape of tn
clerk, began the ceremonies by saying:
suppose you would not have come here with
out being able to fill the requirements of tn
Globe circular. Be kind enough to sit dow
and sing and play that song"
1t proved TO be "In the Cleaning" was il
good voice, and managed to sing it with som
expression.
SBravo!" said the second inquisitor, in tn
shape of the little dark man.
He then took me in hand He proved to b
an Italian, and asked me questions in Italia
and French in both of which languages | an
swered as well as l could. l was then oblige
to sing pathetic songs, drinking songs, conf
songs, opera bouffe, English ballads, and the
worse than all-requested to recite som
dramatic poetry, Here was at sea- 1 con
fessed that l knew none.
"Never mind, said the clerk, encouragingly
"you have done remarkably well in other re
spects, and you can easily learn the regulatio
pieces,
He handed me list, beginning with Sou
few shall not ring tonight" and "The Chare
of the Light Brigade" and ended with "Betse
and are Out" and "rhe May Queen"
choked down my rising resentment. WIS
wouldn't do for fifteen dollars an evening
short of crime?
"Very well, said obediently.
l was led out of the torture chambe
exhausted but still living. 1t is quee
l feel shalky. l had to give them my ow
name found that there was no gettir
out of this. They said that the whole matt
was strictly in confidence. They require
references, and had taken the precaution
bring several letters of recommend
ton from well-known business men-lette
that had been given to me a short while befo
when | was trying to get situation in bus
ness house down town. These were satisfa
tory as to my character,
have put the halter around my own ne
now.
N. B.-Suppose Morton were to find til
out!
JAN 90 have had my first experience
my new character. | had been told to
ready every afternoon by 5 o'clock for order
Yesterday, about in the aftern Don, receive
a message from the Globe directing me to 6
to house in East Seventy-fourth street
near Fifth avenue, at o'clock that evenine
and submit myself to the orders of Mr. @
Slater 1t was consoling thought that I hat
never heard of Mr.. O. X Slater, and that Eas
Seventy-fourth street was an unknown regio
to me.
Principally at 9 that evening found mysel
in the large parlor of a house in Seventy
fourth street, brightly lighted, and filed wit