davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

PROVIDED FoR.-The provision made
by S. L. Landes, of Mt Carmel, ILL.,, for
his wife and children took the form Of
planting 100, 900 walnuts, which, with
proper care, should produce trees fifteen
inches in diameter in twenty years and
yield an independent fortune.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30
Magic Lanterns Outdone by the


nRE.o. VESTS NERVE BRAIN TREATMENT.
IL guaranteed specific for Hysteria Dizziness. Con-
vnlsions Kits Nervous Neuralgia Headache, ervous
Prostraon caused by the use Of alcohol or tobacco
Wakefulness, Mental Depression. Softening OF the
Brain resulting in Inssnity and leading TO miserye
decay and DEATH Premature Old Age Barrenness Loss
Of Power either Each box contains one montnI
treatment one dollar abox or AZ boxes Tor sens
boxes to cure any case With eaeh order BY ~
for six boxes accompanied by s., we viii send thH
purchaser our written guarantee TO refund the monef
# the treatment does not effect a cure. Guarantees
issued only by W. T. MASrEN, Druggist, Albany
N v TO Whon all orders shOuld be addressed
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

AFTER HIS SHARE.-The will of the late
Mary M. Perkins of Boston reads "I
leave to my husband" ETC., meaning
Ezra G. Perkins, though she did not de-
scribe him by name. John Hardy, from
whom she supposed herself divorced be-
fore marrying Perkins, now claims the
property, on the ground that he was her
lawful husband, the divorce proceedings
having been fraudulent. The Probate
Court decided that the estate be divided
between the two men, and the case is be-
fore the Supreme Court on appeal.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30
RESCUED FROM DEATH.


william j. Coughlin of Somervie, Mass, says In the
fall of 1876 was taken with BLEEDING fol
lowed by severe cough. lost my appetite and flesh
and was confined to my bed In 1877 admitted to
the hospital The doctors said had hole in my lung
big half-doar. At one time report went around
that dead Igave up hope, but friend told Of
DIR. WILLIAM HALLS BALSAH FOR THE LUNGS
got bottle, when to my surprise, commenced feel
better and to-day feel better than for three years past
I write this hoping every afflicted with Diseased
Lungs Will take DR.. WILLIAM HALLS BALSAM, and
be convinced that CONSUMPTION CAN BE CURED.
positively it has done good than all thu
other medicines have taken since my sickness
FOR THICK HEADS, heavy stomachs,
biiiousness- Wells May Apple Pills. 10 and 25c
For SPECIAL RATES for advertising in this paper,
anD1V To the publisher of the paper U47
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

CAUsATIoN- Mistress" What a time
you've been about that egg, Mary"
Mary" Yes, ma'am but the new kitch-
Ell clock has such long minutes |"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

CoRN.-The corn crop of Texas this
year is estimated at 40, 100000 bushels.
The value of the agricultural districts OF
that State is 1914, OF, 1898.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30


BELT1MoRE Md, Feb. 5, 1881.
H. II. WARNER & Co.: Sirs-Your Safe
Kidney and Liver Cure has accomplished in my
case all you claim for it. have been thoroughly
healed by its speedy curative properties.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

PURE COD LIVER OIL, from selected livers on
the seashore, by Caswell, Hazard Co., n. Y.
Absolutely pure and sweet. Patients who have
once taken it prefer it to all others. Physicians
declare it superior to all other oils.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

"WHAT well-dressed gentleman that
is p remarked stranger from Onion
Creek, as a gentleman in an elegant turn
out dashed down Austin avenue. Eyes,
but he just lives from hand to mouth.
why, that's very singular. He don't
look as if he was in Strengthened circum-
stances. p" "There is nothing singular in
his living from hand to mouth. He is
the leading dentist in the place"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

A BOY wrote composition on the sub
ject of the Quakers, whom he described
as a sect who never quarrelled, never got
into fight, never clawed each other, and
never jawed back. The production con-
tanned postscript in these words: PAS
a Quaker, but ma isn't.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30
GET Lyons Patent Heel Stiffeners applied to
SIcaaS hofn,a

ZEAL IS VERY blind, or badly regulated, when
it encroaches upon the rights Of others.-Pas-
nnier Onesnel
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30
All that is Claimed.

LOVE IS sunshine, hate is shadow,
Life is checkered shade and sunshine.
-Longfellow.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

AS DARWIN died worth e150, 900, it is
evident he devoted attention to the origin
of the specie,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

CHAPPED HANDS, face, pimples and rough
skin cured by using Juniper Tar Soap, made by
Caswell Hazard & Co.. New York.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30

WHosoEvER LENDS greedy ear to SANDER
GUS report is either himself of radically bad
disposition or mere child in sense.-Menander.
SKINNY MEN. 'Wells' Health Remover"
restores health cures dYsnepsia impotence 81
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-11-30
A BATCH OF JOKES.
A LITTLE WESTERN WIT GATHERED
IN AND DISCUSSED.
The Lime-Kiln Club-It StOpped-Anlneident
in Penn's Life-A Little AIlspice, etc.
ABOUT LOTTERIES.


The Secretary of the Detroit Lime
Kiln Club announced a communication
from prominent citizens of Frankfort,
KY, asking if the Lime-Kiln Club has
any settled policy regarding lotteries, and
Brother Gardner replied:
81 can't say dat we has. A few months
ago, when Whalebone Howker drew $50
in lottery, I made up my mind dat lot
teries war good thing. Las week
when I diskivered dat de SIS I had invest
ed hadn't drawn muffin tall I felt dat
lotteries were a delusion and snare.
Whar' you am certain oh DRAWN prize
a lottery am a good thing, an you needn't
feel bad fur de company. Whar' you
have any doubts bout gittin' back $50
fur 81, you'd better gin de money to de
ole woman to buy shoes. ''-Detrot Free
Press.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19
The Quick PantalOons.

There is no one thing that shows the
falling off in American brain so much as
the habit certain young star-spangled
Americans have of blindly following
fashions in dress. And among all the
fashions that are ludicrous there is none
that makes man with brain so tired as
the tight pants that are being worn by
some of the society ducks A man who
has leg that is big enough to be seen
with the naked eye can indulge in reas-
ODably-tight pants and not make show
of himself; but for young masher
whose leg is about the size. of cistern
pole and the shape of q lath to incsse it
in covering Of gaudAy colored guncase
material is too-too. A young man called
on sarcastic girl a few evenings since,
his legs done up in the tightest OF pants
legs, and she looked very sad and her
eyes had far away look. He asked her
what it was that caused her to be trou-
bled. She looked at his large, generous,
fddle-box feet and said size had been
wondering how he got his feet through
the legs, whether he unscrewed them
and took them of, or whether there was
a hinge in the ankle so he could straight
en- them out. At picnic young man
with tight green pants was lying under
tree, when q farmer who had brought
some milk to the picnickers took stick
and struck one OF the legs real hard.
The young man felt hurt and jumped to
his feet, demanding an explanation. The
farmer said he saw it lying there and
thought it was a striped snake. There
are many things the small legs and tight
pants could be used for, if the slimness
is going to remain in fashion for any
length of time. If u tip could be ar
ranged to fasten on the foot, and reel
could be strapped on the thigh, and lit
tie loops could be made along the legs
to run line through, the fashionable
young gent could use his leg for fishing
tackle. To see couple OF the slim legs
in the Office of a hotel, among other FAIR
sized legs, one thinks of couple OF
stalks Of asparagus, and wonders how
vine would look climbing up the legs.
What d place such legs would be for
string beans to cling to. But there is
one thing such pants are good for. No
ant can crawl up such pair Of trousers,
to make life burden to the wearer.
There is always much sympathy ex-
pressed to the owner of condensed legs,
incased in gun covers. There is feel
ing that the owner Of them is in danger
Of having them broken off by a dog run
ming against them, or falling over u
wheelbarrow, or something, and the
wearers are treated with much tender
ness. Ayoung fellow called on a matron
recently, and took a seat on a wooden
camp chair that happened to be in the
reception room. The good lady looked
at the suffering caller and said: CHOW
take seat in this stuffed chair. I know
that hard chair will scrape the veneering
off of your pipe stems" Such remarks
are uncharitable, and ladies should re-
member that young men have feelings.
--PecE's Sun.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19

Two ladies were talking about wax.
figure show about to be opened. One
said: 'There are to be costumes of
every country since the creation of the
world. Gives will not be very hard
to make. But it will be very hard
to wear"
On crowded sidewalk: Indignant
Female-''Sir, I would feel obliged to
you if you would keep that umbrella of
yours to yourself and not poke me with
1t again!" InsolenHwretch-'sO ma'am!
Yes, ma'am! I didn't mean to do it! I
ant the prod-a-gal son, ma'amr
Sportsman (cheerily)- Catching
many, Pat?" Pat-'sDivil a one. sur. 3
5portsman-''Strange! They say the
stream is well stocked" Pat-ssBedad.
SO it ought to be since none of the var.
nit will allow themselves to be taken
out OF it.
Old gentleman Cooking at a very
bob-tailed horse): "Bless me! how short
they have cut his tall" Attendant;
His master is member of the Society
Tor the Protection of Animals. sir. In
this fashion he will not annoy the poo,
lies"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19
DIR. Hollands Sayings.

Fiction is most powerful when it con-
tains most truth and there is but little
truth that we get so true DIS that which
we find in fiction.
A fit of anger is as fatal to dignity as
q dose of arsenic is to life.
His marvellous accomplishment and
powers won for him the respect of the
great, and his sympathy with the hum
BILE drew to him the hearts of the world.
There is more OF the element of minis
try in Longfellow's ''Psalm of Life, than
in all that Byron and Poe ever wrote.
Value in character makes value in verse.
Life is so grand, so full of meaning,
that, despite all its sorrows, (
would willingly live it over again.
All the things we see are types of
things we DO not see-visible express
ions of the things and thoughts OF God.
That which man was intended to be is
that which unperverted womanhood de-
mands that he should be.
Faith draws the poison fr.,n Every
grief, takes the sting from CIV, ,oss,
and quenches the fire of every p..-.; and
only faith can do it.
1 have learned that to do ones next
duty is to take step toward ali that ia
worth possessing.
A man who does not learn to live while
he is getting living is poorer man
after his wealth is won than he was be-
fore.
No idle man, however rich he may be,
can feel the genuine independence Of
him who can earn honestly and manfully
his daily bread.
A * n ho1v1'. c},
when she's tickled, an she laughs when
she's mad.
Well, he's broken reed-a broken
reed-bus hope Mrs. Snow will tie
something on him--or starch him-or-
something-to make him stand straight
for once.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19
Not Unusual Proceeding.

Hon. W. w. Billson, of Duluth, was in
the city yesterday. Upon his attention be-
ing called to the article in the Pioneer
Press questioning the right Of the auditor
of Crow Wig county to canvass the vote
of Cass and Itasca counties, he said: ''The
canvass of the votes of Cass and 1tasca
counties by the auditor of Grow Wing
county was not only in strict and obvious
compliance with the statute, but was also
in conformity with the practice which has
prevailed during the whole history of the
state, with reference to the votes of unor-
gained counties. This new and novel
proposition to stifie the voice of Cass and
Itasca by legal technically will meet
with no better fate than the previous at
tempt to disfranchise the people of those
counties. The vote cast there was, accord.
ing to authentic information, strictly legit-
innate, and will not only be counted, but
will withstand all assaults that may be
made W. on it.''
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19

An angry cook at Newport, the other
day, is said to have served soup of
mucilage, of. which the entire family
partook in blissful ignorance of its COM
position. This is seaside romance
that ought to stick.
The Princess of Wales lately wore q
ball costume of cream cOlored silk,
trimmed with old gold lace, the ruff be-
ing also of the latter material, and red
geraniums being worn in the center of
the lOw-cut bodice.
Little Johnny, who had been observ-
ing the difficulty with which gorged
mosquitoes fly, remarks to his little
brother at the breakfast table: eff you
eat so much you will die, Billy, and be
an angel, but you won't be able to fly
much"
He came home the other night in the
drilling rain; soaked inside as well as
out. ''What excuse have you to offer, -
said his better half, s'for coming home
in such beery condition." sNone my
dear, }" was his answer, ''cept twas a
very muggy day."
It has become the fashion for some
foolish young men to tattoo the name OF
their sweetheart on the right arm. It
! don't hnrt the sweethearts any, but ii
one of these foolish youths should ever
marry some other girl. would not there
be fun?
When Hood wrote "There is hap.
piness that makes the heart afraid" he
was probably thinking Of one evening
when he sat up very late with his girl
! and did not know what minute the ole
man might come humping down stairs
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19
More Land Wanted.

The report of the Commissioner OF
Public Lands shows the total amount OF
arabic lands still remaining subject to
occupancy under the Homestead and
Pre- emption acts will meet the demands
of the settlers for but year or two to
come. There is much public land left,
but the quality is poor. Much of it is
billy, rocky and with no timber, and
fitted only for grazing and not very pro-
ductive for that purpose.
There are large quantities of railroad
lands, but these are held at much higher
prices than the Government has asked.
There will be no good lands at $1.25 pei
acre, or by settling on them. The sew
eral States have much good public lands,
but these are like the railroads, higher
in price.
This lack of land without money and
without price may serve to turn the set
tier to some of the valuable lands in this
and other States not so far west. The
prairies, being ready for immediate Gull
tivation, have been sought by the immi-
grant in preference to the timbered lan6s
ties of unimproved lands with timber on
them, that are fertile and accessible.
These lands require more labor at first
to get them ready for the pillow, but q
settler can make better and more com
Portable home on them at the end of ten
years than on his prairie farm. The
lands of Northern Michigan furnish ex-
cellent opportunity for settlers. The
prices Of surplus products are good and
! will remain so. The soil produces we'll,
| and fruit of all kinds does well, which is
not the case in the far West. The tim
Der is valuable and much Of the land
contains enough to pay.for clearing.
The failure of public lands will not be
an unmixed evil. There is so much land
in all the old States where markets are
good, where railroads are plenty and all
the surroundings for acomfortable home
exist, that from lack of proper cultivation
does not pay any profit. Such land:
will be worked at profit where the
cheap lands fail. There is no fear o.
lack Of room for a long time, but the
land to be given away will not last long
There is much of our soil in which We
can find another farm below the one w
ore now working, and when necessity
tompels its cultivation we shall be sur
prised at the result. Very much of oul
present cultivation is not farming at all
and perhaps not until the failure o
cheap land compels ia will we till om
soil so as to secure til. best results
Detroit Post.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19
RAILROAD NOTES.

General Manager Haupt has gone
East.
JIM. Hannaford. general freight agent
of the Northern Pacific, has gone to Chi
cago.
II. S. Javnes. claim agent of the Chica-
<yo ST psTl & Omaha road, has returned
to ST. Paul.
IT. is rumored that Geo Hazard has been
ordered to take hand in the great ticket
cut war.
A.E. Rice. assistant superintendent OF
Che Pullman Car company, has returned
from Brainerd.
Assistant President Winter of the Chica-
go. st. Paul & Omaha road, will be back
to day probably.
Messrs. Hill and Marvel returned yester-
day from their trip over the line between
Hinckley and st. Cloud.
Mr.. s. S. Merrill. Of the Chicago, Mil
waukee & st. Paul road, will be III ST. Paul
to-day. and it is reported that there is to
be a general conference EoIe Of all the
railroad managers.
Five new refrigerator cars for the North
ern Pacific road are expected to arrive III
st. Paul tomorrow They are designed
to carry fruits and other perishable prop
erty to Montana. In returning they Will
bring back dressed meats.
The Northern Pacific road will appoint
a special agent to Investigate the COM
plants made by farmers along the line OF
that road, that they are being treated IN
fairly about elevators. That company
proposes to make everything satisfactory
in this respect.
Senator Sawyer, Geo. Rusk. Railroad
Commissioner Haugen, Postmaster Payne,
of Milwaukee and Mr.. Herrick of Hudson,
are IL St Paul. They have been out ex-
amining the branch road just completed
from Veazie as connection
with the Chicago, st. Paul Omaha road.
The Chicago, Milwaukee & St. Paul road
ON and after tomorrow morning will
have on six new passenger trains on the
Saltwater branch running to and from
Hastings, in connection with all through
passenger trains in and out of st. Paul.
On the new Eau Claire line it will put on
a fast passenger train, running between
Eau Claire and Wabashaw to connect with
the express train leaving st. Paul at 40
p. m and arriving in st. Paul at l2:45 p.
N. This Will open up new passenger
route between Eau Claire and Chicago.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19
Two Smart Young Gentlemen and Their
Father.

Two young tradesmen in Philadel
phia, failing to persuade their father. 6
rather misery rich old gentleman, te
purchase and wear better coat, "laio
in with their tailor to furnish him one
by strategem. The old man was to be-
inveigled into the shop at the proper
time, and asked to set his own price, anc
the young men were pledged to make ur
the balance. The old coat (smuggIei
by night into the tailor's possession fo1
short time) furnished the required
measurements, and in due time the nice
new garment was ready.
The next morning at breakfast, The
eldest son cautiously remarked:
Father, you will be going near the
tallOr's to day, and [ wish you would
stop and tell him to be sure and send
home my new coat to-day"
Every well, my son, will do so, but
don't see what you poys want with sc
many new goats"
The old gentleman delivered his mes.
sage to the tailor, and the tailor's oppor.
tunity had come. lingering the ven
cradle garment he remarked persuasive
ly:
"You ought to have new coat, sir
A rich man like you ought not to weai
such an old garment as that"
"Thank you very much, but dis goat
is good enough for me-"
81 have got something" persisted the
tailor, ''that I think will fit you, and il
is the greatest bargain you ever hearc
of. The price of the coat" said the tailor
producing the garment, sis $50, bnt I'll
let you have it for next to nothing, as
want money. Try it OIL"
The coat was tried on and proved 6
perfect fit.
"You'n never get such a bargain,
sail the tailor. 'You may have thai
coat for 49,"
Il gift you twenty-five, said the ole
merchant, who knew cloth when he saw
"Take it."
Carrying his old coat in bundle, the
old man went out arrayed in the IS,
coat.
At supper that night he appeared in
the familiar old coat and in excellen
good humor. To his sons he said
"I made a nice little thing to-day
Ven vas at the tailor's bought goa
"a nice fine goat, the price was $50
but got it for $25. put it on and hai
not gone square before met friend
He noticed my new goat and spoke
about it, and I told him 1 got it Sc
cheap. He offered me $50 for the goa
and took it-made SIS in five minutes.
eyes," said the Sons dolefuily, il
chorus, "you've made S. and have los
$50"
Then they explained.
:" My goodness, dat is pad" said the
old man, when he comprehended the
situation; "but let dis be lesson tt
you, my children. Never dry to deceive
your fader. "-Philadelphia Times.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-11-19

the SCI Let sev;ce division of the treasury
department, shows the total number of ar
rests by agents and by local authorities
for which rewards were paid from funds of
the division, 335; sentenced, 70; indicted
and awaiting trial, %; awaiting action of
grand jury, 36. The balance were various
ly disposed of. The sentences aggregate
248 years, and the total fines assessed
amount to 100000. Grand total of coun-
terfeit money captured and secured during
the past year, $S,83O,l24. The report says
never until the past year since the inau-
guration of the national paper currency,
has year passed without the appearance
of some new counterfeit note on treasury
or national bank issues. Counterfeits of
trade and Bland dollars, and also of sub
sidiary silver coins are increasing largely.
delegation of Illinois ladies headed by
Mrs. Senator Logan, held an adjourned
meeting this evening and adopted series
of resolutions looking to proper repre-
sentation of the state at the Garfield fair.
To-day Secretary Teller requested Sec
re.ary Lincoln to place sufficient force of
so'die-s at Flat Head, Montana, to prevent
the railroad constructors now approaching
that reservation from entering it and in
terfering with the Indians.
At the approaching session of congress
an effort is to be made to secure the pas
sage of bill making 3.65 bonds of the
District of Colu nj ia receivable As security
for national bank circulation. Several
members of the finance committee are
said to favor the object. Prominent bank
ers who are supporting the measure urge
that these non-taxable bonds, having a
long time torun, and the-principal and in
terest being secured by pledge of the gov
eminent, are as desirable IS government
bonds.
Secretary Teller will not, in his annual
report, recommend reduction in the cost
Of obtaining patent. He is persuaded
to this course, it is said, from the fact that
the patent laws are now the most liberal of
any country in the world. In England it
costs $1,000 to obtain fourteen year
patent; in Germany over 5000; in Russia
about $400; in Canada $40; while here it
costs $50 for a seventeen year patent. 1t
is not thought by Commissioner of Pat
ents Marble that reduction in fees would
materially increase the number of patents
taken out or stimulate invention, as the
small fee is now within the reach of all.
He thought that the large revenue now de-
rived from this source is no argument in
favor Of reduction unless it Can be shown
that the fees bear heavily upon deserving
inventors.