The Russellville Democrat., 1882-06-08
nluscIein your Religion.


 erend gentleman delivered an address to the graduates about the duty they
 owed to themselves in working up muscle as well as cultivating brains
 Ho carried the idea that there were too many weak sisters among the preachers, and that the cause of Christ needed men able to stand up and knock down other men, in order to do any good in the way religion is running now days. That is what we have claimed for years, and we are glad the sensible preachers are get ting on to the racket. The trouble is that too often the schrimps in family are sent to theological sem
 mary. If a man has four boys, three of whom are muscular, hearty, good natured, warm hearted thorough breds, inclined to have fun with the world, and one boy is pale and sick ly and dried up, and who mopes around as though he had worms, and eats pie when the other boys are hoisting Tn pork and beans, and who goes to bed when It Is dark under the table, and dreams of a land that is fairer than this, and has night sweats, while the other boys slide out the back way and go cooning melons, the father will at once put up Il job to make that human dried prune minister, and the other bo s will have to stub along as farmers, merchants, lawyers, and such wicked things. The shrimp goes to college and prays without ceasing the first year, hazes without praying the sec ond year, and "mashes" girls without praying or hazing the third year, and when he joins the ministry the chances are that he will have plous cast of counteaance and college deviltry enough concealed about his person to make it mighty spry around female seminary or a pound sociable. While the other boys have settled down to business and quit "cooning" for melons and other contraband goods, and are rais- ing families and making money and having quiet fun, the pie bitter, who never had generous impulse or q natural dose of precipitation on his brow, will be called" from one place to another, investigated for conduct prejudicial to good square religion, whitewashed by committees because his mind and body is weak, and he winds up by going around peddling book or delivering tracts on the evils of smoking and drinking, and never amounts to a continental, and finally he goes and boards with his 1 brothers, whose children quit play Ing and romping and look solemn when Uncle Hennery" comes upon them unawares. The pulpit don't want any of these bass-wood pump kin seeds to point sinners to the golden streets of the New Jerusalem. It wants hearty, rollicking, goodna. tured chaps who will lead sinners, and say Come on, boys," instead of pointing the way as though saying, you fellows go and see what kind of lay out it is, and fit is all right will come if l am we'll enough, and the climate agrees with me-" Peo- | pie do not want to sec a minister who acts as though his religion made him sick. They do not want any of it in theirs if it is going to make them look as if they had lost every friend they ever had and wanted to lean on q barrel and have a good cry. They don't want it if it is go- ing to make them go back on the poor and unfortunate, and kick the fallen, and everlastingly damn nine tenths of the human race, who hap pen to be healthy. The sinners had rather go around block and catch on to religion that makes it's min ister one of Gods noblemen, who has a heart and an appetite, and who has charity for all, no matter how low they may be, and who can praise God with an eighteen carat smile on his face, and who would knock down a brute who would abuse a poor person, instead of turning his back and going home and taking q dose of medicine for dyspepsia. A minister who shows by hls actions that his religion agrees with him, and whose clothes fit him, and who can shake hands with man and his hand will feel like vice instead of mackercl, and who can be slap ped on the shoulder bv a worldly
 man without breaking him all to pieces, is the one who is going to do the work for the Master, and earn his living. There ought to be an ex- aminlng board at all theological schools to examine candidates, and when it finds young fellow that has got number eleven heart and a good sized stomach, and muscles of iron, rope him in, no matter If he is right fresh from a horse race, or if there is laugh on his face as big as a horse shoe. But when the shrimp comes with his hands crossed on hIs narrow stomach, and pain depicted on his face, and his eyes hollow, tell him tue best thing he can do IS to give np the Idea of preaching and go and learn to be q he milliner Then rpluiOn will l,n au o,.o,,. J,,,