The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1882-04-23
SIDE SADDLES FOR BAN
NISTERS.

There is no little town in the state
that is more plus than ToInah. III
Monroe County. The people there
are all religious, with few excep,
lions, and they strain every nerve u
raise money for their ministers, and
TO pay church expenses. A travel
ing man who goes there great
deal, and always seems benefited
when he comes away, says he has
never struck a town where there was
more piety, more genuine true good
ness than inTomah. He says the peO-
pie seem to vie with each other to see
which can do the UOst for their
church. The travelling man attended
SOciable at a residence there not
long ago, which was held to raise
money to buy the minister pair OF
rubber pants for baptismal purposes,
and he witnessed a scene that he
says he shall never forget. The
residence was filed with the best
people of the town, and at the head
of the stairs were a number Of ladies
and gentlemen who were discussing
this characteristic of the citizens.
One beautiful lady said to the
drummer: "Yes, we are full of en-
thusiasm for the cause of religion,
and would do anything reasonable
for the development of our finances.
Why" said she, as she leaned
against the railing and tucked the
lace into the dashboard of her dress
which was cut down at the heel in
front, If | could make d dollar to-
wards paying the salary of our min
lister, would slide down that ban
mister" The travellers man
thought to bluff the beautiful and
styliShly dressed lady,t and pulling
out silver dollar he handed it to
her saying, "Well, there is no man
that enjoys giving to the church
any more than l do. Here is your
dollar, and now let's see you slide
down the bannister." The lady
blushed a little and acted as though
she was surprised at being taken up
so quick, but seeming to realize that
it was her duty 20 turn all of the
SheckelS she could into the Golfers
of the church, she at once threw a
half of herself over the banniSter
and began to go down slowly. 1t
was evident that she intended to
hang on tight and go down easily
and quietly, and have it over and
the dollar in the contribution box
before the crowd found it out, but
announced in the parlor
and sitting room that Mrs. So
and-sO was sliding down the bannis-
ter, and everybody rushed into the
hall. Whether it was the crowd
that made the lady nervous, or
let go Unexpectedly,
probably nobody will ever know,
but she seemed to cut loose all at
once and go down that bannister as
though she was shot out of a gun,
and as the procession arrived at the
post at the bottom, the searcher
after a silver dollar yelled like a
Comanche, and went over into the
crowd, against the hat rack and
card basket as though she had fallen
out of a balloon. The drummer
says the air seemed to be fairly sur
charged with beautiful women. The
who came out Of the par
.or just as she was coming down,
was hit i'll the ear by the heel of a
No. gaiter, which blinded him so
ne held his hands over his eyes and
said, "Mercy on us" and as she
struck on one shoulder he rnshed up
% her and asked if she had broken
my bones. The remains were in
7erted. and as she pulled the frizzes
)ut of her mouth she answered, |
Never mind the bones. Here's
7Our dollar" as she handed |
5he shining silver to the
preacher. He took it mechani-
3ally, while the lady got up and was
helped 10 stairs. One deacon who
was struck in the pit of the stom-
sch by what he took to be a cannon
0all with blonde hair on it, ard a
pack comb on top, was picked out
rom under a marble table and they
had to blow in his face before he
could breathe. When he came to
he first thing he asked of the man
If the house was, "Why in Gehena
lOn't you have lightning rod on
his house?" 1t was nearly an hour
before the lady and her at
,endants came down to lunch,
md she refused all offers of
chairs, saying she preferred to stand, |
0ut the drummer said he came away
,arly, because every time she looked
owards him it seemed as though
she wanted to bite his mead off. He
ays if ne had suggested the sliding
Town the banniSters ne should have
cit as though some blame might
.ttach to him, but it was her game.
nd if she got beat at it he couldn't
zee what the sense was in getting
punky. 1t is safe that if the sue
;esS of the churches at Tomah de-
ends on bannister sliding, Ihereafter
minister's viii go hungry, unless