The National tribune., 1882-08-19
WIT AND HuMOR,

In the wild West: These hot nights in
Leadville folks are frequently covered with
nothing more than a revolver.-DenUer Trio
uRe.
Circus Jokes: The jokes of the circus clown
must be made up of kind words For, you
know, "kind words never dic."-Yonkers
Statesman
The book agent as heroine: "Her Face
was Her Fortune" is the title of popular
novel. She was evidently book agent and
travelled on her cheek-NdrdttOn IndepeRd-
ent.
Banking: "Well, old fellow, what are you
doing now?n Nothing; but I've a big
scheme on foot. Lots of money in it."
"A-ah! What isit?" I'm going into bank
ing house" "A-ah! After dark ?"-FTOHs
the French.
Cause and effect: Eminent provincial tra-
gedian-" Come hithorr, sweet one. Your
mothorr tells me that you shed teOrrs during
my soliloquy in exile last night" Sweet
one" Yes, sir. Mother kept on pinching
me cause 1 was so sleepy !"-LOndO" Punch.
Picking up: II guess you must be better
to-day said Farmer Hodges to a sickly
neighbor, whom he found rusticating in his
strawberry patch. "Oh, I'm picking up a
httle,n was the reply, as the invalid bent
over to gather red nugget or so.-Tonkers
Gazette.
Highly intelligent darling: "The robbers
can't steal my mammals earrings, cause
papa's hidden them" Interested lady Wis
itor: SIS that SO, dear? Why, where has he
put them, I wonder?" Il heard him say
he's put them up the spout, and expects that
they will stay there"
Novelty demanded: By iingo!" exclaimed
Brown, did you read this heroic act of
gunner on the Invincible, who picked up
lighted shell and put out the burning fuse?"
Pooh ?" replied Jones, Il saw that feat at
the Boston Theatre last winter; give us
something fresh"
A good catcher: SIS that animal sue
cess?" inquired neighbor of farmer who
had recently purchased a watch dog. Well,
I guess so; he caught right on the first day."
replied the owner, proudly pointing to
mouthful of pantaloons debris near the dogs
kennel.
An enthusiastic Briton: First John Bull,
'Hadmiral Seymour's the boy! Hi wouldn't
give much for Harabi when the Hadmirals
done with 'im!" Second J. &. "Them's the
very words Hi said meself this hevening.
Hi ,ope the Hadmiral will bring 'Ome the
'arem!"
Smile: Miss Walnut Street, of Philadel-
phia, turns up her nose at Miss Michigan, of
Chicago, at Cape May, because the latter
says the former is ''stuck up" "Dear me-"
lazily says the Quaker City maiden, "that
Western girls feet are like the hand of
Providence-they cover everything.
Death of George Washington: when did
George Washington die?" asked an Austin
teacher of a large boy. "Is he dead?" was
the astonished reply. "Why, it is not more
thar six months ago that they were cele-
brating his birthday, and now he is dead.
It's bad year on children. 1 reckon his
folks let him eat something that didn't agree
with him.
Water privileges: You advertise that
there is fine stream OF water on the place,
but don't see it," remarked stranger who
wanted to rent the place. The landlord said:
"Just work that pump-handle little and
YOU will see fine stream of water. You
don't expect to have the Niagara Falls Oh
the place for fifteen dollars month, do
you?"
Fun at the expense of courtesy: "What
shall my song be tonight" said Miss Tibbs
at the tea table. "We are going to have
musicale. / think 1 shall try Within a
Mile of Edinboro'" "Seems to me-" said
Jones, the undaunted, Il would try some
thing could come within less than mile
Of" Miss T. says she thinks Lieutenant
Jones is horrid.