Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1882-12-09
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

How to live long-Never be short.
Anything but pleasant trip--Fall-
ing over a sidewalk obstruction.
Girls are more courageous then men.
They are ready to make match with
a fellow twice their size.
The False Prophet, who is disturb
ing Egypt, is the old man who knew
how the election would go.
There is an East Indian lady in Paris
who can talk in twelve languages.
Fortunately she is not married.
Herbert Spence.-'s version of the
popular phrase, "Give us rest" 1t is
time to preach the gospel of relaxation"
81 ailn to tell the TRUTH EYES,"
interrupted an acquaintance, "and you
arc probably the worst shot in Amer
ica."
An exchange says: ".rhere will be-
no pronounced loud styles this winter"
Don't you believe it. The style Of
snoring will be just as loud as ever.
a Western wit tells what he would
do if he were jackass. Il rival re-
marks that what people desire to know
is what he would do if he wasn't one.
May hope" was on the lozengo
that he handed to her, and when she
crossed out the "I'' and "e'' and wrote
eyes, YOU before the "May," he used
both legs.
"Boy, I'll teach you to tear your
pants" said an irate Austin parent
swinging a strap, "I'n teach YOU
Don't hit me, pa, know how already,
Just look at 'em."
Miss Brown, I've been to learn how
to tell fortunes said a young fellow
to a brisk brunette "Just let me have
your hand, if you please" ola, Mr..
White, how sudden you are! Well, 60
and ask papa"
Concerning the insane Rochester girl,
who gets out Of bed at midnight and
goes to work saving wood in the back
yard, it is said that her father deeply
deplores her insanity, but always leaves
the wood-pile handy for her to get at.
A reporter interviewed prize fat
woman, whose weight is 720 pounds.
When asked, "Do you still claim to be
the largest fat woman in the world?'
she frigidly replied: "Excuse me, sir,
but | do not recognize the title 1 am
said to be the largest lady on exhibit
ton"
A bright little girl noticing among
the company at her fathers residence
on certain occasion, gentleman
whose face was considerably pock-
seemed much struck with his
and after the company re-
tired inquired who the ''moth-eaten
gentleman" was.
There is young man in the parlor
wishes to see you, miss remarked the
hall door attendant. "Did he bring
with him; any box or par
,el?" "Only cane, miss" "Did his
'oat tails rattle when he walked as if
here was 4 package of candy in his
oocl5ct?' Nothing of the sort, miss"
Then tell him I've gone to visit sick
srlend and won't be home for a week"
returned the fair girl, falling back into
horizontal position and resuming her
oerusal of "Truth Stranger than Fic-
ion or, The Liar Unmasked."
Among the crowd watching the seals
1t a geological garden were n newly
married couple on bridal tour. They
gave all the rest Of the animals the
so-by to observe the seals in the stone
'asin, and it was 70 full hour before
hey grew weary. Chilled by the raw
il, and impatient over the waiting, the
husband said: "Come. darling, let's
,o'n see the hyenas. The feller who
aid them seals would fly around and
ing at o'clock either lied to us or
lse this ere watch has gone ahead on
ne ag'in."