The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1882-04-30
Doubts and Troubles of the Engaged

j he OuneT Jay VIC cOUSlueTeu Tie CuSe Vi IL
foolish young fellow who told us he had
come to the conclusion that he preferred not
to get married at all. although he had been
engaged for year. His love for the girl, he
said, had cooled, and he was sure he could
not marry her without booming himself to
lifelong misery. He was equally sure that
If he backed out Of the engagement, she
would straightway pine and die.
We spoke severely TO this young man,
feeling confident that his case required he
roic treatment; and it seems that we were
not too sharp with him. Another young
fellow, who. we infer is now visiting New
York on his wedding tour, writes to us that
he too, imagined that his heart was growing
cold toward his sweetheart before marriage,
but that now she is his bride he has found
out that he was all wrong as to that matter.
He is supremacy happy and Is more in love
than he ever supposed he could be. There
fore he says:
Your advice. DO the best to conquer your stiffness
and vanity young man. strikes at the heart OF the
whole matter. and will do him and others similarly
situated vast amount OF good. 1t is because have
been similarly situated that have the assurance TO ad
dress you at this time
I'VE had been engaged for many months came TO
the conclusions Of AntiNatrmony, that had not the
love for her ought to have eager to please
her In fact was simple to imagine that not to
marry her would break her heart and thought
would rather never marry But because was averse
to seeing sudsr for me- married her when To-
find knew nothing about lovethAt had been either
a conceited puppy a wicked fool A new world OF
bliss has been revealed The girl was in doubt
whether loved Or would lay down my life for.
She forever the nhabtant OF inner thoughts and
although not beautiful, the angel OF my life.
"PRo.MArRIxosI."
II is pleasant to get confirmation so prompt
and SO decided OF the justice and soundness
OF our conclusions. But observation OF the
world teaches a man that young people.
especially after they have been engaged for
long time, are apt to grow doubtful Of the
strength OF their affection. They get little
wearied with lovemaking. see too much OF
each other, put their feelings under too great
tension, and are likely to indulge in morbid
determination and analysis. The cure for
that is getting married. Yet silly fellows,
giving way to doubts thus awakened, will
throw away the prize they have won, only to
bitterly lament their folly when it is lost.
The fact is, they get into that state simply
because they are head over heels in love.
Now, here is another case, and one with
very repulsive features:
81 am man - years OF age, graduate in medicine,
worth $4,000 and engaged TO young lady aged II,
who Is graduate OF female college, of good common
and handsome but not so bright and vivacous as
OF the girls OF the day She is OF plain and unos
entatous family good livers but not wealthy. She is
country girl and hasn't had the advantages perhaps of
the very best society. She ia Christian woman Of an
afectionate and conhdng nature and at times love
her desperation and again doubt whether love her
sufficiently to marry her.
IL As hope stand i'm the upper ranks of my pro
tesson would be advisable to marry the lady above
described OF one in higher life'
- Isit my duty to tell her OF my momentary doubts
as to the sincerity OF my love for her.
) Is there practically such a thing as q sensible
! thoughtful mans loving woman much before
risse that he have doubt As to his loves lasting
! forever
~ We're I to acquaint her with my momentsry
doubts ami ask that account TO be released from the
engagement is it probable could again win her aGec
tions and II could she place that confidence ii
! me that she now does, " Az ANXIOUS lS9uIRKa.'
II this young doctor wishes to sacrifice
| everything else to success in his profession
why did he engage himself to the girl i
his object in selecting u wife is to get one who
will help him along in practice by her socia
connections why did he promise to marry ;
girl simply because he was fond of her, ant
without regard to interested motives? AuC
what difference does it make to him whethe
a man can have assurance of loves lasting
forever or not If he is after wife, not from
motives OF sentiment, but simply to get
valuable business partner?
He does not appear to advantage in his let
ter. He seems to have won II woman WHO i
too good for him, one whom he will worry
hA nInr Il
would give her up, and yet would not hav
her escape So far from him that he could no
recapture her. He would annoy her wit
talking OF doubts which do not really exist
and yet he wants to keep her fond Of hin
All this exhibits great weakness in the chan
acter OF our young doctor. 1t does not prom
Use well for the success Of his efforts 10 stan
in the upper ranks of his profession NO maj
ter whom he marries.
He is engaged to this admirable girl; he
in love with her; he is amply able, 50 far II
money goes, TO take a wife. Why, then, doe
he not arrange for the wedding Does h
wish to tantalizo her before acknowledl
ing that he can only be happy by kecI
ing his promise! As to his loves lastln
forever, we Judge from the revelation i
makes of his character that neither that 1t
any other impulse OF feeling or devotion
his will be strong and enduring, as the
: would be if he were man Of stcadiness Of pu
pose, of seli-control, and abiding conyition
But here is a really distressing, very pc
picking case of broken betrothal VOWS:
eel was delighted with your answer TO the young mi
who sought your advice in breaking his marital eugaF
ment with the lady who loved him SO dearly, Kind 81
Nyi AID al darby hslo NJ me r.ftr
, habitS' A lady oyei more dearly than my own SOL
and who, by every faith that woman pledge repe
eddy assured me that she loved me dsNotedly, sudden
changed in manner grew distant strange and confuse
until she sought 10 avoid meeting ms at all then ask
her plainly whether she wished to be released from
engagement when she assured me that her love for
was unchanged, and that she wished none other
I every way could led her in the ways Of truth a
purity and soOdnsss and INFUSED her to unite In chur