Arizona weekly enterprise., 1882-10-07
An Unsatisfactory Picnic.

'We ain't having any more picnics, that is, church picnics, in our section now" sighed Suffolk County farmer, as the cashier made out his bill for ad- vertising his seed potatoes, and handed him his change. We had one, but they are not talking of any more."
 "What seems to be the trouble~ asked the cashier.
 "The fust one wasn't calkilated to make lem popular" replied the old man, buckling up his pocketbook. "I don't think you could raise seven dol lars toward another in the whole town ship.'
 Didn't it come of in good shape?" inquired the cashier.
 1t went of, and that was chiefly the trouble" was tho response. You see, the picnic was to raise some money to pay the interest on the mortgage and the balance 10 go to the heathen. The wimmen turned loose and made pie, and we men got some lemons and buck cts, and if we stopped there it would have been all right Lemonade and pie was good enough for anybody, but some smart Alecks thought we ought to have soda water, and like choice assortment of darned fools we all clipped in for one of those copper fountains.' .''
 That's pretty good idea," com mented the cashier.
 Think so, ehr' replied the farmer dryly. ''The idea was good enough, but the fountain made trouble. The way we fixed it was to let the nozzle of the contrivance stick up through the table and squirt during the frugal meal. Io al -s,.l,k and enliven the proceedings"
 Ibid it?'
 "It did. There's q great many fac tions in our county, but they agree that the fountain enlivened the proceedings. You know we all sat around the table on benches, and we men carved the pies while the wimmin dipped the lemonade. We was all to be helped before we turned the fountain loose, and then we was to catch the soda in glasses as it came out"
 Did you catch anyr'
 We did. We didn't catch much in the glasses, but we got the soda; that is, good deal of it. Some of it got away. Why, sir; just as soon as the parson turned the spiggot you should have seen that picnic! Fizz! Whoop! And there we wasp
 "Where were you?"
 "Well, we were scattered. The table has been heard of twice, and some letters from Connecticut think it looked as though it was falling. Pie! You should have seen them pies! One big apple pie, with top and button attachment and scolloped edge, went through that picnic like circular saw You ought to see the timber fall around that part A custard ditto went clean through ole Aunt Betty Bigelow and smashed agains barn with 8 report like sham bnttle Pie! Friend, we carry sheet iron um brellas in our section nowr'
 Any one hurt?" asked the cashier
 "Not to mention. We haven't go lem all down out of the trees yet, bu those we have saved seems to be al right with the exception of an edge or joint knocked off here and there. don't know that any one was killed though half the picnic is yet to hea from. But the point want to make is that we ain't having any more of then things"
 That's where you're all wrong, suggested the cashier, That very eS perience was just what you wanted"
 "HowP" demanded the farmer.
 "You was trying to raise a churc debt, as I understand it. Now, wh don't you open another soda fountai right under the debt?"
 That settled it, and if a tornado ever reported from down Suffolk count way, that cashier will have somethin to answer for BrOOklLltl En0Le