The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-06-28
WIT AND HUMoR.

| Dhs- rove cats because we have M
husbands. and cats are almost as treach
| erous as men,
a country paper speaks of man wht
'aied without the aid of physician,
and adds that sssueh instances Of dealt
are very rane.''s
/ Wife But, my dear, | shall catcl
cold coming down so late TO let Won in. ;
Husband oh no, my love, I'll RAJ
You up well before you come down.
Reading from the local paper: Lost
blue sapphire gentleman's scarf pin. y
etc. Schoolma'a am. meditatively-..Wha
a jewel of man he must ber'
Young Swell: ..Fraulein Mathilde
may l offer you~my arm?'' seMathilde
'Oh, this offering your arm is getting
monotonous. Why not offer me YOU
hand for a changer
"Adolphus, let us leave the avenue
and stroll along the margin of the riv-
err" Not any, Evangeline; no more
margins for me- (Adolphus had been
| specializing in futures that weekly ~
The broom-drill mania is extending
all over the country, but it is noticed
that the young ladies who are most ex-
pert in the drill generally go off on q
visit when DEMONSTRATING commences.
Said Kate to- her new husband,
"John, what rock does true love split
upQn? Qaoth John, and grinned from
ear to ear. 1.-The rock of yoatier cradle,
DEAR - hsas. si.a - ha5 '''asi
We saw a yoangs man going zig-zag
up the street the other day, singing,
Money, is a hard thing Ia borrow. A
WAC exclaimed, Yes, and tight thing
TO pay back >.
| Said Tom: s.Since have been abroad
I've taken so much veal that I'm
ashamed to look a calf i'm the faee'' Il
s'pose. sir, then" said a wag. you CON
triVe TO shave without a glass"
A witty lady, who is, however, some
what given to exaggeration, was trying
to tell friend what a poor appetite She
had. and said, Il eat very little; flea,
would be u barbecue for me.
rs the bowling of dog always fol-
lowed by death?' asked little girl of
her father. mot always. my dear, be-
cause sometimes the man that shoots
misses him. : wassthe reply,
sYoang ladies' with artificially clear
complexionss shonld mot permit the
men to kiss them on the cheek if they
would become married. 40 go off
quickly, they should keep their powder
dry.
What did yon do to break that
vase?'' s-Ahi Madame. nothing could
be easier. [ had it in my hand-like
this-and 1 stEllck it against the corner
of the table. so--s And he breaks the
mate to it. ~
A man advertises for an samiabIe
E.. l. n Al.
ure for one week, expresses himself
thus obseurely.v She hadn't been in the
house twenty hours before the milk
soured."
. An auctioneer. by birth native of the
Green Isle, cssilsed to be printed on his
handbills ut a recent sale, Every ar
tiele sold goes TO the highest bidder, un-l
less it so happens that some gentleman
bids more. 10 #Aw
Young man (wishing young lady to
notice his embryo mustache) t.Well, I've
been trying to raise n mustaehe for the
last two weeks Young lady-sI am
sorry you had It shaved off before saw
il = Yonng naan faiatssszm
Courtina episode Tie gothic sfvle of
Young ladies'. may have is disadyailt-
ages t is said that q young man who
received h specimen of it could not tell. 3
Tor the life Of him. whether it was . Y es,
with pleasure.n No, thank you." or
sketch OF a picket fence.
Cook e.Madame, NAV I ask YOU for
my testfmonials?' Mistress wv hat do
YOU expect me to write. YOU worthless
creatureP Surely, You can't expect me
to- say that am satisfied with you.a
me. 8 n.l1xg 70
that remained with you three moIalts
That will be my best recon nle-l ation.'
81 met Mr. Miggles to-lay," remark
man. | hardly know him, he's so chip
per and lively '.Indeed,'' responded
her husband grayeiy. How very
! read in the paper that his
wife sailed for Europe last week. y
Brooklyn Eagle. IA
A certain preacher once took for his
text, Husbands, love your wives "
Pausing for moaatnf. he glanced to-
ward Emily, Clis wife) and began SIS
follows: Now. brethering, we sartinly
don't love our wives. as we'd orter. l.
don't love Emily rs olfer. but if II was
to have another, wife. I'd loye her bet
term hey Emily tsi''sssss 4ss
+ Il ne IaLiitE OF btlt IihltiA t&stIiffHcS us
watch with perpleNity. Il can { under
stand, my love- he says to his wife,
whats wrong with this watch. sup
pose it wants to be cleaned" s'0h. no,
pa" replies one OF his olive branches,
sit can't be dirty. for. baby and We're \
scrubbing it all morning in the bath-tilb
with the hair brnsh, and we used plenty
of soap" ae&
A man of good address presents him
self at a house, desiring employment.
The gentleman TO whom he applies. af-
ter asking a few questions. say IN ell,
my good fellow, i like your locks, and
I'm willing 60 engage you- - Il have
also favorable Impression of monsieur.
and viii give him :in answer after
inquiries in respect To the house.
which win result, / have No doubt, most
fasorabiy.n
An Englishman, being accustomed to
pace his room hate into tfe night. and
wearing heavy shoes, his neighbors on
The right and left. and in the story be-. |
low, combine and make him present
Of the most comfortable pair of slippers
that money could buy. The English
man receives tie gift with gratitude, and
IS SO pleased with his slippers that he
puts them on whenever he goes out 10 |
walk, reserving his shoes entirely for
the housed
+. u. NJ s., Little Rock. Ark: 'eCan yotl |
rive me aHyfeecipt representing fence
posts? Please reply in your next issue
We can't do IT, We haze asked sever
r al. 4 f.xkw-