News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-07-13
WIT AND WISDOM.
WHY is young wife like a hinge
Dono.,o al,o :. aoroatbinn fo odOra


81 AcKNowLEDdE the power OF the
press, as the maiden said TO her lover.
TIE best remedy for sting is to
poultice the wasp before it gets lts
work in.
On THE question of the next potato
crop the eyes have it. On the question
of the onion crop the nose will have 1t.
A DYNAMITE mine in Russia is not
nearly so destructive as an alleged copper
mine in the United Statee.-Boston
Transcript.
"MA, will my little brother always be
younger than I ?" eyes, darling.
"That'H be NICE" "Why, lovely =
"Because then can always lick him
IT may be all right for lovers, but
"two hearts with but single thought
could never conduct the editorial de-
partment of newspaper.-W Whdteh0~
Times.
The person who stands and holds the
spring g-screen-door half open is abroad
in the land. We trust the flies will get
the best of him sometime. e.-NeaO Haven
Register. .-
DARLING" she said to him softly,
after they were engaged, "will you al
ways let me have my way" "My way
always p he replied affectionately, and
she was satisfied.
SPRAGUE, of Rhode Island, owes more
than a million of dollars. 1t takes
years of patient industry and integrity
to amass a debt of million dollars, and
at times we get almostd iscouraged.-
Boomerang.
MAJOR (to his soldiers) )-''You claim
to be soldiers ? You are not even jack
asses but depend upon it shall yet
teach you sense"-(noticing the long
faces of the oficers) Excepting, OF
course, the officers"
PULLMAN cars are to be provided with
man-holes in the roof, to be used as
means of egress in case of accident.
They will also furnish a much-needed
means of escape for the passengers when
the porter goes in to collect his fees
SOnaervilLe Journal.
JOHN Ga neighbor) "They tell me,
Jess, that yer cousin Willie's ava to the
madhouse." Jess +" Deed. it's owre
true. 1t was wi study" John "Oh
was he coming DOT for a minister2
Jess son, no, but he wrought on and
made poetry, and the ends wadna come
RIGHT, and that put him wraDg."
SOMETIMES fog will settle over a
vessels deck and yet leave the topmast
clear. Then sailorrsoes up aloft and
gets lookout which the helmsman on
the deck cannot get. SO prayer sends
the soul aloft; lifts it above the clouds
in which our selfshness and egotism
befog us, and gives us chancs to see
which way to steer.-Spurgeon.
In provincial town thelow comedian
of the theatre is giving a series of imita-
tions at the cafe, to the exceeding great
Joy of his companions. SIS there any
one else you would like to have me imi-
tate ?" he finally asked of the proprietor.
"Oh, sir" gently replies that long-suf-
fering person, eff you would only imi-
tate some of the people that pay p
KEE1Y has agreed to make known his
secret. A mean Philadelphia man says
Keely's disclosure will probably be
about as follows: "Take half a pint Of
water; pour it into some queer looking
machine-any odd shape will do-and
then tell the capitalists and prospective
stockholders present that should you
move the lever it would blow them all
into the next county, as the material in
the machiue is not quite strong enough
to stand the pressure. They will bur
riedly subscribe. e.-PhiLddelohiG Ner0s.
A FEW days ago a farmer from the
country was in the clothier's" store
and Radford had tried in vain to sell
him a suit of clothes failing in this, he
then tried to sell him straw hat,
"cheap as picking it up in the road. !"
The countryman looked at the hat, re-
marking: "WeD, that is cheap enough
but it would be dear to me if you would
gin it to me-" "How's that ?" said
Radiord. +" You see, had straw hat
once. and when I was at work it would
Just jump off every time the wind
blowed, and 1 had to run myself nearly
to death to ketch it. So you see run
every bit of my time away, and lost my
crap running arter my hat. just took
it to the house in the fall, and crawled
under my bad, and put two fat-irons on
the dinged old thing, and told it to stay
thar, and it's thar yit.