The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-09-23
WIT AND HUM0R.

Henderson says he wishes he was
, rumor, for arumor soon gains currency,
and that he has never been able to do.
A French newspaper advertisement
reads: WANTED, distinguished and
healthy-looking man to be a cured pa
tent in doctors Office
Sophron;.;-" What is philosoply?n
Well, dear, it is something that enables
a person 10 boar with resignation the
misfortunes of Others.
The Cape Ann AdUertiSer tells how to
color old gold with horse-radish leaves,
What we want to know is how to get
any old gold to color.
Missouri has Just imported a cargo
of iackasses "The more one has the
more one wants." says an envious Ohio
paper.
The lah-de-dah cigarette smoking
young man is ailectionately referred to
by tho CLEVELAND leader 40 'third- "i"es
male matter"
A Williamsburg debating society is
nerving itself up to wreslIe with the
question, when woman and mouse
meet, which is the most frightened"
Dialogue near the sea- on hotel piaz-
"a; ii do not see how you ladies can
remain here two months looking upon
the changeless ocean" "But the men
change was the reply of lady
The most remarkable Of recent opin-
ions concerning divorce (by woman
OF course) Divorce is all very well in
its way, but prefer widowhood; it is
surer.n
II is said cornet player in Berlin
burst blood-vessel trying to sound a
Wagnerian double note. 1t i. comfort
able 10 know that Wagner is to be the
music OF the future.
A hotel was burned down in New York
not long ago, and Texas editor lost all
! bis baggage. That i the reason the
| papers said the loss was not as large as
was al first supposed, --IcLHS SUiHgS.
They asked the crier in one of the
courts II be did not find il difficult to
while away the time during the hearing
/ II dry cases. "Oh, no. was the prompt
reply; Il just lean my head back and
sleep the sleep Of the Judge"
Have you had your ears pierced?"
asked young lady Of her chum, who
! lived next door II should think So
was the crushing reply, "hearing you
sing every day" There is now great
gulf Of GOODNESS between the two.
A theological student supposed to be
deficient in judgment, in the course of
class examination was asked by pro-
fessor Pray Mr.. f., how would YOU
discover a fool?" by the questions he
would ask" said Mr. +.
English naturalists have Just discov-
cred that the English sparrow picks the
eyes out of the young .of other birds.
The more one learns about the English
sparrow, the less good one can say of
him. We believe he eats onions, and
sucks COWS. -HdWheye.
An aesthetic invitation to dinner con-
cluded with these words: IL have asked
four minds to meet you" Thanks"
replied the uncultured one. 81 am aw.
fully sorry not to come but have already
accepted an invitation to dine with -four
stomachs the same night"
There is charming story told by Har.
ness of n poor woman who, when one OF
his curates pointed out that Providence
had been, upon whole, very good tc
. her, replied, $50 Heave sir; so He'ave,
mostly; don't deny IL; but sometimes
think lle'aye taken IL out in corns.
A Philadelphia boy WINS asked If he
ever prayed in church, aud answered
"Ob, ! always say prayer, like all the
rest do, just before the sermon begins v
"lndeedN' responded the astonishet
querist. What do you say?' "Now
l lay me down to Sleep
"Chawles," languldly drawed Jose
phine, looking up from her book, II Sc,
one of the new studies is trigonometry
What is trigonometryP" "rrigonome
uy,' said Charles, toying with an inva
lid muustacho, ''is a-a--is the science
Of pulling the trigger, of course" 81
thought So said Josephine, rosuminQ
her noyeL @"-'7-