The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1882-04-26
THE BURIAL NEWSPAPER.
HOW Public Opinion is Swayed and
M~Oulded-A sketch of the BucOltc
Journalist in His Den.

whims and mistakes, are lounging about the
office waiting for the evening mail to come
in.
''Haye you written up that fracas Ia Claude
DeVeres house ?" asked the managing editor
sternly TAPPING the tin cuspador with his store
shoes.
The reporter, reused from the reverie of
composing some magazine verses TOR $2 a
page, apologized for not being present
when the row took place, grasped his tren-
chent Faber and wrote:
DIsGRACEFUL AFFAIR.
"About two O'Clock yesterday morning an
other disgraceful fracas took place in the no.
torious DeVere establishment. The Ogden
Bangor who was badly intoxicated threw a
lamp at the Hon. John Briggins and a gener-
al row ensued. Briggins was lugged out by
the police with his right arm broken and
Otherwise badly mauled. He gave bail for
his appearance to-day and some spicy devel-
opments are expected in the police court.
Had the man been al home with his family
where he should have been he would now be
q good deal better off,"
'That's right" said the editor. If we
are running a live newspaper, we must give
the news Just as it comes. We can't blk our
s bscribers by emitting as spicy an lem az
that"
Just then a distinguished looking gentle
man appeared at the door with his arm in a
sling and a patch over his eye. 1t was
Briggins.
"Halloe, Brig" said the reporter, 'you
fellows had quite a circus the other night"
The man drew up his chair and began to
talk in a low voice: ut isn't often that [ ask
favors of the press, but on this particular oc-
casion | must crave your indulgence. The
other night I was a little off the hooks and
b ID some trouble. Now my wife returns on
the 10 o'clock train in the morning and |
must have some excuse for these sings and
patches. Just attribute the trouble to a run
away and save a divorce suit; fix it up in
your inimitable style"
The reporter ever susceptible to the infu-
ence of dattery, dashed IF the following:
SERIOUSLY HURT
"Yesterday morning Hon. John Briggins
who W returning from inspecting an ore
deve opment in the Main Stay mine, lost con-
troll of the team and was thrown out against
a bowlder. He held to the reins for nearly a
hundred yards, with his characteristic grit
but finally caught against q mountain cedar
and was knocked senseless. This is the
fourth time that Billy Johnson's black team
has run away during the past month. They
are wild wholesome ANIMALS, that should
never be driven off a race course, and then
only by professional Jockies. Mr.. Briggins
Wasss nut again yesterday, and may well con-
graduate himself on his narrow escape"
When the item was read aloud, Briggins'
face beamed with happiness and he asked all
hands down to-a cheap beer saloon and spent
twenty-five cents with ne staff. Everybody
was very hilarious.
THE OBITUARY BUSINESS.
Ten minutes later the death Of Col. Thos.
johnson was announced.
$50 the old beat is gone at last said the
managing editor.
What an old liar he was,' said the repor
ter.
loves us for over twelve years of adver-
Using and subscriptlon,'' said the publisher.
swish he'd kicked the bucket about ten
years ago"
Drank himself to death on cheap
whisky"
''Guess his family will be devilish glad.
He used to beat blazes out of his wife,"
sI've seen him kick his boys all over the
yard"
'He starved his poor old mother almost to
DEATH
"Well, here goes for his death notice.
and the editor wrote as follows:
ANOTHER OLD TIMER GONE.
"It becomes our painful duty to announce
the sudden death of Colonel Thomas John
son, one of the early settlers Of the country.
II seems hard to believe that the man whose
smiling face was seen so lately on our streets
Is no more. Kind to a fault, a real, genuine
TYNE of Western manhood ; q model hue-
band, an indu gent father and a foremost CIT
iz-n was Col. johnson. Honest and true in
all his business relations, he will be missed
in the commercial circles as few men in the
city could be missed. His hosts Of warm
friends in the community will mingle tears
of heartfelt grief with those shed by his
stricken family, whose happy hearthstone il
now desolate and deserted. "After life's fit
full fever he sleeps WELT" The funeral vii
take place from his late residence at II