The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-10-05
WIT AND HUMOR.


of woman.
One pound notes were first issued in
1897
1t takes girl about four hours long
er to wash the front windows OF u
house than the back windows.
Has it ever occurred to baseball men
that milk pitcher is generally good
fly catcher.
It is said that nearly all the male
members of the Imperial family of Ger
many are we'll trained artisans.
Il called twice and found you out, "
said Mrs. Jones. Very good said
Mrs Smith. Il had to call but once to
find you out"
When q friend asked a reformed inc
briate the cause of reformation he said:
LAS YOU are married you will quite I'M
derstand it when i say getting tipsy
made me see my mother-in-law double"
Full many an ache of soreness deep
and keen, the walking of nights ca
rousai bear; full many man, who with
''the boys hath been, feels in the morn
his wife's hand in his hair.
IN an exchange a Summer hotel adj
VeI'tises suitable grounds for archery,
and directly beneath it is the advertise
ment of dealer in glass eyes. Moth
ing like having information handy.
The late freak among fashionable
New York girls is to patronize fortune
teIlers. They've got rather tired of the
kind of lies the young men tell them,
and desire change.
like has an irritating skin disease. :"
Mrs. Darlington says. sCharlotte russee
broke out all over him, and if he hadn't
wore Iniun beads as an omelet it would
doubtless have eliminated fatally"
An Englishman is said to be effecting
cures in Australia by breathing on peo-
pie. This may be true, for we have en-
eountered people whose breath was GER
tainlv strong enough to kill a man, II it
struck him twice in the same place.
Dannie was very much interested in a
picture of some white whales. One day,
seeing his father coming from market
with a large fish, he ran into the house,
exclaiming, Mamma, mamma, papa 8
been and found a baby whafe!''
The American Tract Society has dis
pensed Sc, 314, 4G8 pages of literature the
past year, and there wasn't scalping
Indian story of the West in the entire
l..
ty of the society's publications.
II never thought but once" said
Deacon Webbing ''that it was sin to
steal an umbrella" ''And when was
thatP'' asked friend. '.lt was when
some pesky thief stole my new silk
one," answered the deacon.
Just to think that Ralph Waldo En-
erson never dyed his moustache, never
| twirled ten-cent came, nor smoked
cigarettes! And yet a lot OF old fogies
have the assurance to ask our young
men to look up to him as a model!
This is Neptune" said the profess
sor, his fingers on the outside ball of
the system, land we are two thousand
seven hundred and fifty miles from the
SUM-" Rheumatic student on the back
seat turns mp his collar and shivers
perceptibly.
A tobacco Halter says, 1.-Two cigars a
day will supply family with flour"
Fogg says he buys half-a-dozen cigars
some DAYS, but he doesn't find it any
easier to supply the family with flour,
for all that. He thinks there must be q
mistake somewhere.
Count Ito his servant) John. I have
noticed that ever since your wife, death
you have come home drunk every even.
ing. Why is thisp john am only trying
to console myself for my loss. Count
And how long is this going to lasti
John-O, sir, am inconsolable.
lis my face dirty?' asked a young
lady of her aunt, while at dinner at q
Hartford hotel. the other day DIRTY!
No Why do YOU ask?'' because that
insulting waiter insists upon putting a
towel beside my plate. I've thrown
three under the table. and yet every he
comessronnd he puts another one before
MIA ~