Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-09-27
MIR. GRAHAM'S MANIA.

My friend Jack Graham Of the #. o. Is a
very good fellow; but, as have often told
him, he would be q better fellow still IL he
was not so dreadfully matter Of fact. Ihave
spoken very seriously about this defect to
him over and over again; but it does not
seem to be OF any use. i suppose IL Is the
nature OF the man ingrained in his Caledon-
ian blood.
81 can't help being Scottish, you know,
Norfolk, - he sometimes says, meekly.
He calls me "Norfolk' because my name
is Howard. 1t is not his own idea. He is
not the sort OF man to dream Of anything
approaching to joke. But hearing others
apply the names Norfolk and Cimex to me,
he has fallen into the way OF doing so him.
self. L have occasionally INDUCED In the
fancy that when Jack uses q nickname, he
experiences q sort Of inward feeling which
is the germ Of what would be, II fully devel-
oped, sense OF humor. But this is only o
fancy on my part, and perhaps am biased
In his favor being friend of several years.
standing.
We first chummed at Trinity, where our
tastes and pursuits were as different as could
be. lie was rs steady as old Time. WASN'T
He was wrangler. l wasn't. i was proc
toriZed occasionally. He wasn't. But
with all these shortcomings on his part, he
was really good fellow; and have always
taken a fatherly interest in him. II he were
only not so brutally respectable, perhaps
we mlSnJ yet on Delter sllll.
was very angry with Jack once. IL was
about three years ago; and this is how it
happened:
lie had an uncle, from whom gathered
that he had expectations. i was not par
ticuarly interested in the old gentleman
from Jacks remarks about him. AS far as
] could make out he must have been dry
old book collector and connoiseur Of pic
lures, an archmologist, and, above all, u
genealogist. None OF his tastes were in the
least in my line, nor had the slightest de-
sire TO make his acquaintance.
BY the way, Jack himself knew deal too
much about pedigrees and such things to be
agreeable. / often had to shy book at his
head at Cambridge, because he would go
proeng OH about family histories, and the
Graham clan, and the family legends, ETC.,
things didn't care wo-pence about. / re.
member once being rash enough to say to
him:
al suppose, then, Jack, IL about fifty
thousand Grahams could be quickly dis
posed Of, you'd be Duke of Montrose!o
My dear fellow" he replied in very
serious tone" i can't get you to understand
that we belong TO the elder branch. Don't
you see, Sir Patrick, In the reign of Bobert
H., had four sons by his second marriage,
aud"
"Confound Sir PatrickW I shouted.
'Wha's the good of bringing all that up
again? Hang it, Jack, we will 60 up to
Moan, aud there we stopp
"The Grahams," replied Jack, solemnly,
''are descended from ADAM"
The Scotch are too fond Of pedigrees. Old
Mr.. Graham was probably, / thought, far
worse in this respect than his nephew; and
confess had no desire to incur the risk
of hearing the history of all the Grahams
from his dry old lips.
My friendship with Jack was therefore
very severely put to the test when he came
to my chambers one day and said:
"Cimex, l wonder II yor ID do me a sort
of kind OF a little favor 2"
''Name 1t, jack"
"Well, look here, old man. Nv uncle
wants me TO run down and spend the even
ing with him Tomorrow, as often do; and
the fact is there's pressure of work Just
now at the office, owing to this new move Of
old Bismarck's. or course could get away
IL really wanted to; but don't think /
ought. The chiefs such q good fellow, IL
would be shame to run away.'
"Well, Jack, and you want me To-
10 go and dine with my uncle, IL YOU
DON'T MIND, Norfolk. Pm afraid that it'll
fond OF showing off his pictures and things
to strangers. So IL you could conjure up
some interest in such subjects, and wouldn't
mind his pressing away an hour or two, 1
should be so much Obliged"
"My dear jack" replied, 81 would do
sake, and as testimony to the great regard
have for you, will condescend to 90 SO
far as to partake of the flrst-rate dinner
which understand that Mr.. Graham il in
the habit OF spreading before his guests,
and II his wines are as good us Iexpect they
VIII be, he shall 90 bang through the Gra-
ham pedigree IL he likes, provided he does
not expect me to understand it.n
"Ihank you, Sim" Ian endearing abbre-
Walton of Cimex); s'i's very good of you
and will set my mind quite at rest. DON'T
be afraid OF my uncle, though can't deny
that he has mania for geneaogy. You
see, his own marriage was peculiar, and
His father .in-law-'
so, bother his father in law y, I said.
"He,ll tell me all about it himself, dare
"Yes, very likely he will; only you know,
Norfolk, Thought I'D prepare you.u
declined with thanks, Jack. I'll have 1t
all in one dose, old boy.n
"Then I'll drop HIM line to say you are
coming in my stead, Sim. He'll be more
pleased, believe, than IL were to 20 my
self. He's so proud of showing his library
Simfn
swell, yes, like some pictures" re-
piled.
al will tell him so," Jack said; "that
will make you more Welcomes
Accordingly on the afternoon OF the next
day found myself going down 10 MARROW,
where Mr.. Graham had a really "desirable
mansion" on the banks OF the river. In the
train tried to remember all that Jack had
told me at different times about the old
gentleman, but found that II suddenly
called upon to write his biography, could
scarcely have written six lines.
e. Graham. Esq" the memoir might
have run" was born about the end of the