The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-09-07

"What is the key to the great mystic
ny Of deathPn solomnly inquired the
orator pausing imprcssiycIy. And the
man in the front seat, who had been
coughing all the evening, huskily re-
piled that he reckoned it must be a skel-
eton key,
"What did you say the conductors
name wasp "Glass-Mr Glass "Oh,
nor "But it is. Impossible it can't
be- And why not pray?" "Be-
cause, sir, glass is u non-conductor.
peafening applause from the scientific
Passengers.
The mcanest kind Of mean man Is
the one who, seeing another lying in
hammock, bowls dog fight" so that
he may see the victim try to get out
of the hammock quick, and get slung
about six summersaults with mud in his
mouth.
A Michigan paper claims that snakes
destroy rats and mice, and there should
be a law for their protection. The edi-
tor of that paper has doubtless found
that snakes are becoming so scarce that
when he asks for quart Of whisky for
a snake bite no one will believe him.
The policeman saw that the mob was
bound to wreck the building, and his
own maided efforts could not beat them
of. But he had the presence of mind
to run around the corner and yell "dog
fight and in ten seconds there wasn't
man in the crowd who wasn't huStling
round to find the dogs.
A clergyman dwelt in a quiet rural
district whore laziness is apt to grow
upon a man. One day his excellent
spouse remarked to him at breakfast,
minister, there's a bit of butter on
yelr neckcIoth" "Wccl, weo, Janet
my dear" slowly responded the worthy
pastor, "whcn get up it'll IA aA,"
Two ladies exchanged notes on the
method in which they spend the day:
you see, always get up at ten and
ring for my maid and Get dressed"
"How long does that take?' "Oh, ever
so long, You see the Girl takes full
hour to do my hair" "a full hour?
Mercy What do you do while she is
fixing itP II 90 out in the garden and
take my morning walk"
1t is serenely claimed by Bradford
editor that young lady in charge of Il
local telephone Office has such dulcet
tones that when she is talking through
the instrument the wire between the
stations becomes an Eolian harp, and
little birds fly out to roost on the line,
in order to learn new music for their
songs.
First proud mother: "My boy is only
IL years old, and he comes in every day
with his pockets full of fruit. He can
get over the top of any fence they can
put up, the darling?" Second proud
mother: pooh for your boy! Why,
my Jimmy is only 10, and he's corner
loafer, and has been to the police court
| twice.
Attained its majority: II don't un
derstand,o said the landlady, "why no
body touches that cake, It's been OF
the table every night for week anC
not soul has eaten piece OF it, 1t il
unnecessary to say that it is particular
| ~ nice. Look at it; it speaks for itself. v
Possibly remarked Fogg, "that is
the reason that nobody else speaks for
it,
81 have valuable hen that will in
sist on sitting on six eggs. How can !
prevent her doing SOP" We have re.
ferred your 'oitcr to our poultry critic.
He says there are many ways to pre-
vent your hen from engaging in seden.
tary pursuits on capital of six eggs.
He suggests that you add another egg
or that you use the eggs in a custard
pie; but he says if you want dead -sure
thing, boil the hen,
A little Philadelphia boy had his long
curls cut of the other day, and was
annoyingly reminded of the fact by
the remarks of all his friends. To his
delight, he escaped them by going with
his family to the country. Soon after
his arrival, however, he came running
into the house in great sorrow, crying,
mamma, mamma, even the hens
laugh at me; they all say, Cut-cut-cut.
got-your-hair cutp"
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