St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-01-20

| tne lOllOWlnS liable we can almost sup
pose that he had been accustomed to
sit at the table of the London school
board, and listen to the debates on the
conduct of the managers of the st.
Paurs Industrial School.
THE KIND-HEARTED sHE-ELEPHANT.
A kind-hearted she-elephant, while
walking through the jungle where the
spicy breeZes blow soft DER CeylOn's
Isle, ,heedlessly set foot upon partridge,
which she crushed to death within Il
few inches of the nest containing its
callOw breed. "Poor little things :"
said the generous mammoth, Il have
been a mother myself, and my affec-
tion shall atone for the fatal conse-
quences of my neglect" So saying,
she sat down upon the orphaned birds.
Moral-The above teaches us what
home is without Il mother also that it
is not every person who should be en-
trusted with the care of an orphan asy-
lum.
Swindling advertisements, especially
those of that heartless class of swim
dlers who prey upon simple people
that have little money and no employ
ment, appear to he as common in
America as in England. Those whose
necessities made them Over-cOnfident
would do well to read the following:
THE PHILOSOPHER AND THE SIMPLETON.
A simpleton, having occasion to seat
himself, sat down on a pin whereupon
he made an Outcry unto Jupiter. A
philosopher, who happened to be hold
ing up hitching- post in the vicinity,
rebuked him, saying, 81 can tell You
how to avoid hurting yourself by sit
ting down on pins, and will, if you will
set them up" The simpletOn eagerly
accepting the offer, the philosopher
swallowed four fingers of the rum which
perisheth, and replied, "Never sit
down" He subsequently acquired
vast fortune by advertising for agents,
to whom he guaranteed f3 week for
light and easy employment ut their
homes.
MOral-The wise man saith, "There
is nigger in the fence,n but the fool
sendeth on 20 stamps for sample and
is taken in.
How much more effectively is the
lesson conveyed in Bret Harte's fable
of "The Prudent Tiger"
THE PRUDENT TIGER.
A prudent tiger, having observed a
procession hearing the remains of a
sainted Brahmin to the tomb, cOmmu-
nicated the intelligence to his wife,
who said, "My dear, we are almost out
of meat, and though the deceased,
from the austerities of his piOus life,
was in poor condition, | make no
doubt that among his surviving friends
we may encounter others more succu-
lent" "Miserable Tigeress," exclaim-
ed her lord, ''cannot you see that if we
permit the deceased to be canonized,
pilgrimages will be instituted to his
tomb, and the producer and consumer
will be brought together in accordance
with the true principles of political
economy? Rather let us, then, offer
chrome for each new pilgrim" This
prudent advice being followed, the ii
ger enjoyed a free breakfast table to
the end of his days.
Moral-Beware of breaking the egg
that matches the golden goose.
Some of the fables in the book seem
almost to have been written with an
eye to passing events. Take, for in
stance, the following, and read it in
connection with the extraordinary in
cidents of the trial of Guiteau:
THE WOLF AND THE LAMB.
A wolf one day, drinking from
running stream, observed lamb also
drinking from the same stream some
distance from him.
81 have yet to learn" said the Wolf,
addressing the Lamb with dignified Sc
verify, "what right you have to mud
dy the stream from which am drink
img1'
"YOur premises are incorrect" re-
piled the Lamb, with bland pOliteness,
''fOr if you will take the trouble to ex-
anime the current critically you will
observe that it flows from you to me,
and that any disturbance of sediment
here would be, so far as you are con
cerned, entirely local"
''POssibly you are right" returned
the Wolf; ''but, if am not mistaken,
you are the person who, two years ago,
used some influence against me at the
University"
"Impossible," replied the Lamb,
''two years ago ! was not born"
"Ah, WELL" added the Wolf cOmpos-
edly, IL am wrong again; but it must
convince every intelligent person who
has listened to this conversation that |
am altogether insane, and consequently
not responsible for my actions
With this remark he at once de-
spatched the Lamb, and was tri-
umphantly acquitted.
Moral-1his fable teaches us how
erroneous may be the popular impress
| sion in regard to the Distribution of
| Alluvium, and the formation of River
| Deltas.
One of the chief defects of American
humor is that it is so frequently leav-
ened with strong dash of profanity.
From this fault Mr.. Bret Harte is com
paratively free, and even rigid Scotch
Presbyterian could hardly grudge a
laugh over the following:
THE SHARK AND THE PATRIARCH.
During the deluge, as a Shark was
conducting thanksgiving service for
an abundant harvest, prudent Patri
arch looked out and addressed him
| thus "My friend, am much struck
with your open cOuntenance pray
come into the ark and make one of us.
| The probabilities are a falling barome-
ter and heavy rains throughout the re
giOn of the lower universe during the
next forty days" "That is just the
sort of hair pin | ann" replied the
Shark, who had cut several rows of
wisdom teeth ''fetch on your deluges."
About six weeks subsequently, the Pa
trarch encountered him on the summit
of Mt. Ararat in very Strengthened cir
| cumstances.
Moral-You can't pretty much most
always tell how thing. are going to
turn out sometimes.