The river press., 1882-03-22
FLOATING FANOIEs.

self-reance Is quite distinct from self-as-
sertion.
A successful debater-the hornet always
carries his point.
Experience ia torch lighted in the ashes
of our hopes and delusions.
1t is human nature to love to make expert
ments at the expense Of others.
Hope softens sorrow, brightenes plain sur
roundings, and eases haad lot.
Fly time-when you hear your fathers |
cane humping along the hall.
1t is the lot of genius to be opposed, end
to be invigorated by opposition.
It is more honorable to acknowledge our
faults than to boast of our merits.
A down town man calls his wife crystal
because she is always on the watch.
Rage spent on the vanquished often brings
q return shaft, against which skill is power
less.
Love beareth all things, believeth all
things, hopeth all things and endureth all
things.
1t is easy to pick out flaws in other peoples
work. but far more profitable to DO better
work yourself.
Mr.. Cobb recently married Miss Webb; he
knew they were intended for each other 90
soon as he spider.
Those whom we have loved and lost are
no longer where they used to be, but, ever
and everywhere, where we are.
1t is another's fault if he be ungrateful;
but it is ours if we do not give. To find one
thankful man we will oblige many that are
not 80.
When man is honest simply because it
is his policy to be SO he is already saving up
money with which to buy his ticket to the
penitentiary.
That which is good enough to be done can
not be done too soon; and if it is neglected to
be done early, it will frequently happen that
it will not be done at all.
ssMy umbrella is getting decidedly shabby
said young man about town one evening
last week. 81 believe l will have to strike
another prayer meeting the first rainy night"
Miss Henrietta Dewcome. answer to
vour question about ssunkissed kisses, we
may say we are prepared to unkiss any kisses
we may have kissed outside of the family for
the last five years.
A Philadelphia girl, upon being remon-
strated with for refusing an honest and in
dustrious young man, exclaimed: Its no
use in arguing, ma. His nose is so hat that
I'm sure he must snore."
A girl at Carroliton, Ark, was betrothed
to one man while she desired to marry an
other. She married the frst but promised
the second that at the end of six months she
would eope with him. This arrangement
has been carried out.
When married man up town was sur
prised by his wife with his arp round the
pretty servant, a few evenings since, he
rushed out of the house and had his hair
shaved close to the skull with horse-clipper.
He wanted to save the roots any how.
An Owego man, after little experience,
truthfully and Indignantly asserts that no
woman, however nervous, has right to
wake up her husband from q sound sleep to
tell him on enquiring what's the matter,
ssNothing, only wanted to know if you
were awake"
Practical young belle to utterly utter
young man: 'Agernon" ''What is it, my
pensive lily?" ''You ought to study up the
theory of ensilage, Algernon.' 'And what
is ensilage,, my languid one?" "Oh, it
shows how to keep green things green till the
winters gone, Agernon, and don't you wish
to live till spring, Algy2
She was young lady fresh from boarding
school and she went into the laundry to learn
how to iron shirts. She did not succeed
very we'll, and she said, ''Oh, Katy, shall
never be able to get any polish on thlh
bosom" "Sure, Miss" was the answer,
''you want to put little elbow grease on it.
''Please get some for me right away. Katy,
was the innocent response
''How to Preserve Dead Bodies was the
headline that caught the eye Of Mrs. Pima
phor, as she picked up scientific baper.
''Good gracious!" she exclaimed, "Wha'
won't they preserve next? / thought it Waf
bad enough when they got to preserving au.
tumn leaves; but dead bodies-ugh! A body