Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-07-28
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Independence: mo, sir-ee." remarked
the old resident, s'My wife didn't bring me
cent. But it was all my fault. I wouldn It
have it. The morning Of the day we were
married, says to her, says I: Maria. how
much money have ye got?" Says she ::
s'John, I've just got Is cents.'' Then says
I, t1Come with me-" and took her down
to the canal and had her throw that quar-
ter into the brink. wasn't goin' to have
no woman INVITING me about spreading
around on her money"
Death Of George Washington: "When
did George Washington die?" asked an
Austin teacher of a large boy. us he
dead?" was the astonished reply. ''Why,
it is not more than six months ago that
they were celebrating his birthday, and
now he is dead. It's bad year on chill
dran. reckon his folks let him eat some
thing that didn't agree with him. ''-Isras
SJtinqs.
Poor Penhecker, his joke: "Why, my
DEAR" said poor little Mr.. Penhecker, with
smile, why would the world without wo-
man, lovely woman. be like blank sheet
OF paper?" Mrs. P, who had just been
giving the little man "a piece OF her
mind" smiled, and couldn't think. y
"Why, because, don't you see, love-" said
the long-suffering one, sit wouldn't even
be ruled. "--Amon.
Gus De Smith called at very fashiona-
BILE house on Austin avenue few days,
and acted SO queerly that when that lady's
husband came home she said: ''What is the
matter with young De smith? He acted so
strangely. think there must be screw
loose abo ut him somewhere 'Reckon
not. saw him this morning, and he was
tight all over"
"What makes COL SO popular Pm
sure he's very stupid. He can hardly SCI
beyond his nose" said lady to friend,
who replied. 'My dear, sharpsightedness
is not what makes person popular. 1t is
what the Colonel doesn't see that gives
him such popularity
He, after proposing and being rejected
-ssI suppose in the end you will be mar
rying some idiot of FELLOWSHIP breaking
in-"Excuse me, if I meant to do that
should have accepted your oHer.'' Silence.
A little girl went tlmidly into a shop
the other day, and asked the shopman how
many shoe strings she could get for a pen
ny. 'sHow long do you want them?'' he
inquired. II want them to keep" was the
answer in tone Of slight surprise.
A little girl of seven exhibited much dis
quiet at hearing Of new exploring ex-
petition. When asked why she should
care about it, she said: ''If they discov-
er any more countries, that will add to the
geography have to study. There are
countries enough in it now.''
ssSome other folks would deceive you
about these goods, but have been in the
business twenty years and never told
4 lie.'' "And why do you begin now?" said
the gentle fair one in front of the counter,
as she gathered her draperies together and
:. glided away.
Smother! mother!'' cried a little girl who
stood looking out OF the window, ''here's
father coming down the street leading two
drunken policemen and he's so ashamed he
has pulled his hat down over his eyes,"
"Why did you leave your boarding
place' asked lawyer Of dishonest wi.
ness in burglar trial. because 1 could
not take it with ne,'' was the frank reply.
A man does his counting in private ard
secluslon, John Henry, as boy, goes be-
hind the woodshed to suck his orange
Not because he is ashamed Of it, but be-
cause he wants it all to himself.
IF young man expects to rise in the
world he should 60 West. In Wisconsin
the other day, after cyclone had passed
over, it took the fire Departments half day
to get boy out of the top of tree, where
be had lodged.
It is terribly discouraging to an editor
to see his wife pass carelessly over the
brightest paragraphs, and settle down
with solid comfort on the obituary col
umn.
No kiss" he said pleadingly- kiss
from my darlight tonight" ''No." she
said emphatically. ''no kiss. hear there's
mumps in your family
'sYou had better change that rug"
said lady to her servant. ''Don't you
think it corroborates better with the car
pet in this wayp' was tie response.
a man who travelled on his shape" in
suited young lady, and her father knock
ed him down and Travelled on his shape.
too.-waiked all over him.
A stranger in st. Louis. thinking he re-
cognised his coat on the back of pedes-
trian, shouted s'Stop Thief !" and abont
thirty of the inhabitants disappeared down
side street.
Voltaire had his cynical dab at doctors
when he spoke Of physician as ''a man
who pours drugs, of which he knows little
into bodies Of which he knows less.''
Beavers are rapidly increasing in Cali
fornia, and are damming the State as
much as some of the disappointed politi-
clans are.
A man had better pass for cent in the
currency of his fellows, and be worth the
money, than go for dollar and be sold out
finally at discount of 994 per cent.
Oscar Wilde has made S25 600 ont of his