Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1882-08-25
Miscellany,
The DonatiOn-Party Of Dead-NIuIe
Flat.


Flat.
From bleak New England's mountains
Up to the corraled strand
Where fair Montana's fountains
Roll alleged silver sand,
A missionary, mild in
His manners and his speech,
Journeyed TO seek the wild in
A church wherein to preach.
In the "cityn where he duly
His wandering tent did pitch,
IL could not be said truly
The good man "struck 1t rich"
For the people (who would gather
To hear his words with mirth)
Were not oarth's salt, but rather
The saltcrs Of the earth.
or calls though Oft spoke deacon
Or brother-I mean "pard"-
He found that they were speaking
(See HdmleD by the card.
And the language that they used with
Regard TO every game
The good mans face suffused with
A (bob-tailed) hush Of shame.
And, to his deep detection,
When all around his hat
He sent for a collection,
But little wealth he gat.
II growled the parson plucky
They would satiric smile,
And hint he was blamed lucky
In getting back the tile.
Ono day unto the preacher
Two rufiians did repair;
Each was the vilest creature
Except the other-there.
one was the "a l Terror
The other Murderer Ned;
Aud they confessed the error
OF the lives that they had led.
The missionary ware was
That jesting they must be;
And be said In his church there was
Just then no vacancy.
But when in quest Of trigger
lie saw their fingers glide,
He remembered with great yg1r
There was "room for two" inside.
"5eoln' now we're brothers,"
The "A Terror cries,
ave ought to get the others
To come and be likewise.
SO cock your gun, my hearty,
And, parson, fetch your hat;
Hey for donation-party
For the church Of Dead-Mule Flat"
Forth went the luckless parson
Between the rufiiaus two,
Who homicide and arson
Vowed for "the cause" they'd do.
They had their weapons handy,
And used toward all they met
Tho Ht0duS OpeTdndi
OF frontier etiquette.
First, Brother "Terror l"
Would range them In a row,
And stand prepared to slay one
Whose hands should downward go,
While Deacon Murderer Ned" he
Went through them systemat-
Ically, aud the "ready"
Placed in the parsons hat.
The party cleaned the city
Out in an hour or so;
"DOc, said the "IorrOr," B" witty,
" 'Tis time for us to go.
Unto the distant heathen
We mean forthwith to slide,
And preach the Gospel we then
The plunder must divide.
''The sun is hastuing bedward
No. time 10 lose have We
Here's half for Deacon Edward,
And here Is half for me;
And, my white-chokered hearty,
IOu shall have back your hat.
'Rah for the donatiUn-party
For the church Of Dead-Mulo FlatW
but, boys, the parsou pleaded,
90 lis hardly right for me
To let you, unimpeded
Take the churchs property.
All preachers to their trust are
Faithful presumed to be:
just shoot my hat aud duster
That fOlks the holes may see,
"Aud think made endeavor
The church funds to retain"
In duster and in beaver
They fired their pistols twain,
And the parson snickered queerly
As be two siX-shoOters drew:
"Brethrcn, beloved dearly,
I've got the drop on you!'
He marches to tue city,
Aud there his prize presents
To a Vigilance Committee
OF prominent residents.
The pleas the missionary
For his captives makes they fend on,
And they give the cemetery
OF his church a double send-Od.
They give him the "donation,"
Aud heap anew his hat,
And elect, by acclamation,
Him Pope Of Dead-Mule Flat;
church-tax straight they levy,
Aud now, when the hat goes round,
Its contents are Tigh. heavy,
And have a chiuking sound.
And his mother would not know m,
That young mining engineer,
Who once had been to Rome,
And with a superior sneer,
Where the Fiatters most do cluster,
The statement did dispute
That the Pope wore q linen duster
And was upon the shoot.
q. T. LddigaH in September Hdrpe,