Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1882-09-17
FOR LADIES ONLY.
ACoIumn Exclusively for the Gent,
Ter Sex
In Which viii Always be Found the lates
News Concerning Thsm-Sayings
and Doings Of Leading
Females.
HOUSEHOLD NOTES AND GOSSIP.

off?v TCertainly, madame" "But
will you give me any assurance that ne
will die right OFF," "No, madame, We
cannot do that" "Weil, then what
good will it be to me to get his life in
sufed, if he don't die? knew there
was some catch about this insurance
business"
Suffering sisters" exclaimed the
speaker, energetically shaking the mar
pins from her heal in her excitement,
women will never obtain their rights
until they display more courage. Let
me say to you, in the words OF u famous
French orator, Courage! courage!
courageD" At this stage OF the pro.
ceedIngs somebody threw a box OF
caterpillars upon the platform, and the
meeting broke up in great terror and
confusion.
The long vacation is ended. The
scbOOlmarm comes back to her task
with embrowned cuticle, mind over
flowing with remembrances OF the
sights She has seen, and a heart tumul-
tuous with emotions that have been
awakened by the sounding shore or
amidst sylvan scenery. She Will De
, unusually amiable for the next few
weeks. Oh, to be boy again, about
this time.
"What q man your father isw eX-
claimed Mrs. HOmespun, looking up
from the letter she held in her hand.
"He says he has bought a French clock,
ard shall bring it home with him.
What will it be good for except as an Or
nament? None of us can tell the time
by it, unless you can, Edith. You know
something about French, don't you"
A get-up-and-g MISUNDERSTANDING
to work and give young women-a-
chance-to-earn-a-living society is men
| toned as the most aesthetic association
that the young men of this city could
| organize. There are not enough good
husbands to supply the increasing fem
mime army, and something must be
| done for the ladies.
A nursemaid had been engaged for
| the family Of John Leech. On her APP
pearing in the nursery, she was thus adj
| dressed by Master Leech: Nurse,
papa says / am one of those children
that can only be managed by kindness,
and I'll trouble you to fetch some sponge
| cake and oranges at once"
"John, what is that peculiar smell?"
asked mans wife as he was trying to
steal in bed without waking her, about
= O'Clock A. NJ. "That is the incense
we use in the lodge room, my dear; 1t
exhales-it exhales-" eyes, | know
now" she interrupted; II recognize
the Odor-XX ales."
a New York belle met with a sad loss
xa.ht ,rrnif q rpGDrf
| the other day. BY some means her
diary, containing the names of all the
gentlemen she had become engaged to,
dropped out of the car window, and
now she can't tell which OF her male
friends have right to kiss her.
When man speaks of woman, he
raves over her beautiful complexion,
her delicately cut features, her glossy
hair, and all that sort of thing. When
a woman wishes to describe one Of her
sex, she simply tells what she had on.
Each particularizes what each values
the highest.
When he appeared before his wife
with his nose all bunged up and his
arm in sling, did she ask him whom
he had been fighting? o, no; but she
merely said: 1.-The next time you
think you'd liketo revel in u hammock,
just put a feather bed beneath it,"
The mistress has gently reprimanded
her maid for Oversleeping herself in the
morning. "IOu see, ma'am," explained
the servant, 81 sleep very slowly, and so
you see, ma'am, it takes me much
longer to get my full sleep than 1t does
others, you see, ma'am."
AT Troutville Mime. de C to her
husband, who comes home at 3O'clOck
in the morning: "At what time did
you get in this morning." "About
midnight, dearest, about midnight-a
few minutes after perhaps" "Ges, 2iO
minutes after-I counted them"
Some one describes "patent spring
bed for married men," Unless it springs
down stairs when married man comes
home at midnight, noiselessly opens
the front door, and returns with the
man without awakiug his wife, it will
not fill long felt want.
TIE cost to the English government
of setting down a full armed British
soldier in Alexandria Is about 5000. And
when they get him there, there's no
good looking nursery maids for him to
flint with, so he isn't happy or particu-
larly useful.
iOne of the conspiratOrs among the
| Sioux who are threatening trouble is q
chief called WOmen's Dress. This Wo-
mans Dress should be cut gOred, and
basted. He's putting on too many
lI"frills."
Oscar Wilde says we should beautify
L. haf 10 oil nj N
theory, but if man hires very pretty
cook there is apt to be trouble in the
family. Better let the Kitchens alone.
1t is now fashionable for young ladies
to be square-shouldered, a Ia Mrs. Lang
try. Gymnastic appliances are still
| selling below cost, but the cotton market
is booming.
NO" said the youth, "Tve no pre-
objection for wearing military dress.
| Joined the regiment because Pm
bound to win out that girl if 1t takes a
legw
Mrs. Howe says women do not fall in
love any more. Place a woman in front
of a milliner's window, and see if she
doesn't.
A lady trying TO tell friend what a
| poor appetite she had, said: 81 eat
very little; flea would be barbecue
for me-"
Never place much dependence upon
the soft nonsense of sheriff, girls. Ten
10 one he has an attachment elsewhere.
Instead of the enormous hats, girls
will this year lug gigantic fans to the
theater. This is u delightful change.
Step on womsn's trail and she has
a claim for damages. Her redress is a
new dress.
The Sleeping woman OF Paris.
A case which is exciting great inter
L .st i'm Eh.. paria madinnl world iIlat now