Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-09-27
SPICE AND RLLSPICE-

The average life Of a locomotive il
( only thirty years, but the average life
Of locomotive engineer is sixty. The
engineer can jump. = PhtEodelJ1hfo
/ Mems
WHEN Beecher told an old lady that
he didn't believe the streets Of Heaven
were paved With gold, she cried for dis
! appointment and quit going to church.
-DetrOit Free Press.
BosToE lovers now write their love let
| tiers In CIPHER, aid when the old man
hnds note reading, I" No. 5-before-x
--l8-page 21-A. B. CT" he drops
it like hot potato.
POSITIVE, fusion; comparative, confu-
sion; superlative, difusion-fhat il
about the way they put the word thro'
| It's changes III Maine. They are rare
| grammarIans down there.-Bosto7a
| Journ0L.
The man who bet that ne could dis
perse crowd gazing at dog fight by
| taking up a collection, SAYS he didn't
! think he could be licked and thrown
over fence in such short space Of
/ time.
| HEAVEN lies about Us in our in
fancy, says the poeG. The inference is
that as soon as we get big enough to
talk we can be relied on to lie about our
| selves. Ii we do not, our esemies will
lie about u.s. Ter. Sytt.
| IRIS very easy to start false reports.
Just because q Philadelphia woman,
while buying broom wanted one with a
heavy and strong handle it was reported
| around that she was In the habit of beat
ing her husband.
UNCLE RUBE's philosophy: "Ef yer
want ter make oman mad an appear
pleased, tell her OBJ fault; but ef ger
wanster make her pleased an appear
mad, tell her dat she's good lookin'."-
| ArkoaasaaO Traveller.
OLD gentleman Cooking at a very bob
tailed horse): "Bless me how short
| they have cut his TAIL" Attendant: His
master is member of the Society for
fashion he will not annoy the poor flies.
THE New York Advertiser man wrote:
I" Earth's gloomy pathway is now night
ly lighted with flying meteorg, and
molten n asses shoot swiftly athwart the
star-fretted DOME" Then be went
home TO have his head bandaged with
towels filed with cracked ice.
The ruling passion strong In death:
"John, feebly moaned a society lady,
who was about shuf1ing off the mortal
coil; "John, if the newspapers say any
thing about my debut into another
world, just send me dozen marked
copies. "-NeaO York Commercial i'd
Uert5Ser.
In Deadwood church the other day
the large congregation were devoutly
| kneeling in prayer, when an nreverent
joker quite audibly whispered: "Here
comes an eastern detective" In seven
teen seconds all of that congregation ex-
cept the chief elder had slid through the
windows.
"MR. BROWN, do you eat mush ?''
asked 4-year-old fend of his sisters
beau. Why, Johnnie ?' responded
Mr.. Brown. Zoos sister says she wish
es you wouldn't talk like you had
mouthful of mush." Sister faints, and
Brown he remembers that he has an en-
gagement in Australia.
How far is it to Clyde ?" asked a
weary looking tramp on the tswpath, of
an urchin, the other day. Nine miles,
replied the lad. ''Nine miles yet ~ ex-
claimed the footman. 'Are you sure?"
"WeG," said the sympathetic youth,
"seeing you are pretty tired, will call
it seven. "-Lyo1as Press.
He was showing his friend, western
merchant, around the city, and as he
pointed to the stock exchange he proudly
said: 'SThat is our Ras-el-Tin palace,
so TO speak" Fifteen minutes later
they were in busy, crowded, fashion
able restaurant, and his friend remarked:
''This, I suppose, is your Ras-el-Hash
palace ?"
THIs is how they raise children in
some portions of North Carolina: A
man will get up early in the morning
and, after stretching and waking him.
self good, will say: Johnnie " "Sir
'sHave you given the calf some fresh
pine straw to eat?" Yes, sir.
s.Then wash your face in the branch,
like a pretty fellow, and go to the per-
simmon tree and get your breakfast. y
E}G.
"W1L you please pass the Shem %
asked quiet man at the lunch counter.
'8 Haven't anyt' squealed the girl in at
tendance. "Some Japhet? ?" queried the
quiet man again. "Don't keep it!'
squeaked the damsel. 81 say" Clipped
in a curious passenger, "whs.t do you
mean by Shem and Japhet?" "Noth-
ing" responded the little man, dole
fully, 'enothing, only the BAN is SO old
and musty that thought the rest of the
tribe might be around here somewhere,
and I'd like to see 'em. "-Droke'S TraV-
eLeg.'s Magazine.
"Go1N' ter hav a county fair this year,
squire p asked farmer of the presi-
dent of the Begin County Agricultural
Association. 6 Well, / guess so" re-
piled he; "if we kin git enough bosses
to make it lively" "How about the
exhibits?'' inquired the soil tiller. ooh,
them's ali right. I've let most of the
ground to a dime museum from New
York, and there'n be Punch and Judy,
and rife-shootin', ct cetery. Wall,
that's nice, continued the granger; and
in a faltering voice he said "But how