Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1882-09-21
The Niagara Hickman.

The niagara nACAMaAs
uNiaeara is a nice place." l VEN
tured: ssI would like to live here all the
wear. Is the society goodp"
uS,cietv good? You bet! I'm MEM
Der OF six churches, four lodges OF Odd
Fellows, all the political clubs, and L
don t know. how many temperance socl-
cites. j(Sam, that whisky You gave me
is not good. You used somebody else's
bottle.) Niagara boasts the best s'ciety
in the world, and everything is reasona-
BILE here. I'll take you all over for ~ 70,
sir, bein' as it's YOU 49,,
"Too much, :" said. "Wait awhile;
tell me something about your expe-
riences up here.'' }t 1tfEL
"I'n tell you how we do. We drive
up to the depot an wait for the train
There's about thirty of us, the reg lars,
you know. When the passengers drop
off we look at 'em, kind o size 'em up,
you know, an we can tell pretty well
what a man is worth an how long he'll
STAY. If he looks sort o poor like an
only carries a small sachel, we know
one day'n fix him.. But if . man an his
wife an family comes an bring three or
four trunks, that's q healthy sign, an
we treat him right. We sort o. scram'
BILE among ourselves for him, and refuse
to take pay for carryin' him to the no
tel, but we give him card. an then
watch him. We find out what rooms he
takes at the hotel, where he sits at meals,
an we know all about him. If he tips
the walters, that's another encouraging
sign. Then he comes out on the piazza
to sit an smoke after dinner. There's
where the tourist makes a mistake. He
should stay indoors, but he will come
out, an he is likely feelin' pretty good
after his dinner, so then we begins. Do
we ever mistake our manp Never, sir,
never. We hook him every time. (Yes,
Sam, gimme the same. An then the
bridal parties. Well, bridal parties are
the best o. the lot. They pay big, an
never complain. Well, let's drink, an
then I'll show you around for 81, be-
cause like you, you know"
"Thanks,'' l timidly said, as hid
my bushes. q.
"There was party, just married,
came here from Chicago last week.
booked 'em. Il want to see the falls
said the husband, 'an' want to be
driven all over; how much will it costP'
sized him up an says, Ten dollars,
sir, an III give you my best team His
wife said she would like it, and in they
got. drove EN- over to the park, got
'em inside, and the gatekeeper says
sS1. so, please The man paid it.. l
took 'em over to the shaft, to go down,
an the keeper says, 81 each, please:
He paid it. Downstairs the man said,
81 each to go under the falls He paid
it. Then over Suspension Bridge;
'S1.75,' said the man in charge. He
paid it. Down to the whirlpool FIFTY
cents each, said the keeper. He paid it.
Then around to the place where you
can see Brooks monument. FIFTY cents
each,' said the keeper. He paid it.
Then up to the Burning Spring we went.
'One dollar each, said the man at the
door. He paid it. Then to the museum;
it took fifty cents EACH Oh, how the
fellow kicked. Then MY DEAR he said
20 his wife, 'go inside, I'll be in soon.'
But he comes to me an he says: 'Ole
chap, how many more placesar therer
"A dozen or ffteen,' says I. well,
here,' he says, IN make q deal with
you. When my wife comes out tell her
there are no more places to visit. ana
I'll give you So He did, an I lied to
took the train that night, an missed
| 'em. Bill johnson carted 'em down to
the depot an charged 'em two dollars
EACH" ID"
"They paid WE'LL" I suggested.
eyes, fairly we'll; I'll take you over
to see everything for $1.50, sir; cause
you're an agreeable fellow. (Yes, gim-
me the same, Sam.'o
"I'n 90 to morrow morning at nine
O'Clock. Come around to the hotel for
me.' +tl
"Look at that rig. eh - the hackman
said; shows that for styleP'
"Splendid," I said, as prettily
dressed young lady drove by in a village
| cart. .ta-1t#
Yes, sort o. pretty" he said. "I'm
her father, an she likes style.''
"That's pretty house on the cor
ner, :" said, as we moved on the street.
s'Some nabob with lots of money lives
there, I supposeP'' e~'te+ s#f'H. "ti}.
"That house over yonderp That house
with the high stoop and stained glass
| windowsP It's minep My wife liked it,
and 1 bought it to oblige hertz
I" You'll call at nine O'Clock to-mor-
| rowp" I said. "g s5asr. ~,
"Yes," he said, s.I'll take you all
around for a dollar. Good-by!'
went to my hotel. asked for my
bill. didn't like it. 1t was too big. L
am not Vanderbilt nor Rothschild. I
had no desire to see the falls. would
take the first train out. had just time
| to write few words to the man who
had drank at my expense, as follows:
Want to see the Falls. tl s.,.-
| Or the Park. .t....-
| Or Goat Island. t.
Or go under the Falls .s5 ss3. ff...
| s,s Or see Suspension Bridge.
| dor,t Or the Whirlpool.
| Or the Burning Spring. rag-
Or the Museum.
Or the Cataract 81" '''
.- Or the Horse shoe. 5sf Jfs aW -
Or see the American Falls,
| OR SEE YOUi i' ''''I -"s
And slipped out of the hotel, dis.
guised, and took the next train.-N. Y.
| E1p7ess. da latl ra0 81. ~.