The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1882-10-12
The Tale OF a Shirt.


In the course of q confidential CONVEX
ton with friend who recently had two
new shirts made, we learned incidentally
that the style of building shirts had rad
ically changed, and they were being
made to button in the front instead of at
the back of the neck. The news was so
good that we could not believe it until
we bad it directly from shirtmaker, who
showed us the ground plan and front ele-
walton that had been prepared by archi-
tects for the erection of some fine shirts
for our best citizens, and sure enough
the old fashion of folding doors in front
shoulder blades in the back was the
fashion. We have never felt so much
like passing a resolution of thanks to the
shirtmakers, and q resolution of condo
lence to parties who have got to wear
the old ones, in our life. Those shirts
that button in the back have been the
cause of more profanity than
any one thing. Shirts that
button in the back have been the cause
Of crime. Religious societies can not
prosper as they should when the male
population has to reach over its head
and away round to the back of the neck
to button its shirt. Talk about spending
thousands o. dollars to find the north
pole; if half the money spent in that way
was offered as q reward for the detection
of the man who invented shirts that but
toned in the back, and he could be
turned loose among men who have suf-
fered for years by his devilish contiiv-
ance, it would be well expended. For
fourteen years the men of this country
have been slaves to this absurd fashion,
and more arms have been cramped,
shoulders dislocsted and backs bent than
would be believed by those who have
have not seen it. The spectacle of mild
hammered man, after getting into his
shirt, making q contortionist of himself,
an acrobat, trying to get OIL the other
side of himself to button his shirt the
back way, is sad indeed. Statistics show
that the buttons on the back of shirt
always come off the second week, and in
place of the thin, oyster shell button
that comes with the shirt, the housewife
always sews on big drawer but
ton, four sizes larger than the
button hole, and if he gets the button in
the hole the hole has to be "busted" or u
washer put on the button next time.
Go through our prisons, and you will
find that the criminals-the bad men
wear shirts that button in the back.
They have been driven to life of crime
by letting their tempers get the best of
them while searching blindly for but
ton with one hand and button hole with
the other, when their back was turned.
They go from home mad, and commit
crime to get even. The bare idea of
having shirts that open in front will give
feeling of rest to tired, back-aching
humanity. To stand up to the glass and
button q shirt and see what you are
about will be bliss indeed. The thought
of generous slit in the bosom of shirt
| where ones hand may wander, is
elysium. They are times-we say it ad-
visedly-there are times when the best
of us want to put hand inside shirt
bosom, but with the old shirt that but
tens in the back man might as well be in
burglar proof safe with the combination
lost as to try to get in. With the old shirt
it would be necessary to hire hand. A
man 'sssstomach has been sealed book for
fifteen years, with the old boiler-iron
shirt-bosom, with no port holes. Occa
sionally mans heart aches, and if he
could put hand on it without going
around the back way and sneaking in
under the arm he could tell by the feel
ing whether it was unrequited affection
that allied him or rheumatism. With
the new shirt an exploring expedition
can be sent to to the seat of the disease
before it is everlastingly too late. Men
have been wounded, and before they
could be turned over and the entrance
to their shirt found they have bled to
death. The old back-action shirt is a
fraud and the new one is daisy. 1t
may be said by some that the open
sesame shirt will show the world the
color of the undershirt. 1t might, if
one was going to use his shirt-bossom for
a pillow; but few do that. And even if
they did-that is the only way the world
can know that man wears O silk under
shirt with a monogram on the 'front.'
We hail the new open winter shirt with
delight, and are sure the public will
when they once get their hands in
Peck's Sun.