New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1882-10-25
WIT AND HUMoR.

That IS very happy and ingenious
suggestion which an exchange makes
for the benefit of somnambulists-wear
roller skates to bed.
A Baltimore belle has married a po-
liceman. His beat was in front of her
house for over year, and she noticed
that he never snored.
An innocent Omaha girl who saw an
organ grinders monkey for the first
time, exclaimed, us that thing one of
them are aesthetics that we read about?''
mo, sir,' said a laborer, II don't
hire out to that farmer. His confound-
ed fences are all barbed wire, and I
can't get a minute rest climbing over"
''Don't think dat because mans got
a serious face dar amt no fun in him."
said Uncle Nose. ''De monkey is al
lers GRIMM, but he don't get off near
such good jokes as de elephant does"
Health journals insist upon reposing
on the right side only, and claim that It
is injurious to lie on both sides, but we
don't know where they will find health
Ter looking set of men than lawyers.
A girl from Cincinnati kept on grow
ing fat and fatah, though she dieted on
battah for q yeah. In vain she tried to
scattah all the adiposal mattah, till the
doctor said she'd bettah stop her bean.
A stranger called at forty-eight differ
ent houses in Cleveland and asked: lis
the boss home?'' There was no man
home in any one instance, and yet forty
seven of the women replied, Eyes, sir;
what do you want?''
They don't have rains out west. A
cloud just saunters up and examines a
town and then collapses just over it.
Nobody escapes but the newspaper re-
porters and book agents. atlanta Con-
stitution.
II hate that Smith, exclaimed Fill
kinson in passion. ''Sh!' cautioned
Fogg; 'don't let Smith hear you, Filky.
If he should know how you feel towards
him he'd be so stuck up you wouldn't
be able to touch him with a ten-foot
pole"
An effort is to be made to raise oys-
tiers in Salt Lake, Utah. It seems as
though it might be done, if they 90 at
it right. Oysters have been raised from
boarding house soup, but eternal vigil
lance is the price of oysters it should be
understood.
He came home the other night in a
drizzling rain; soaked inside as we'll as
out. "What excuse have you to Offer -
said his better half, ''for coming home
in such a berry condition. ''None, my
DEAR" was his answer '''cept twas a
very muggy day"
A correspondent asks, ''What time Of
year do the days begin to shorten?''
When you have note in bank. A note
in bank is great annihilator of time.
The days are crowded together in thin
layers, and the nights are like smear
from a blacking brush. arkansas
Traveler.
Little Una Mem, who had been sit.
ting with knitted brows for several min.
utes, as if bordering some weighty
problem of life, suddenly exclaimed
..Aunt c., I've been trying to think
what business to go into when I'm grown
up, and I've just decided. Imean to be
q hypoc,ite.' .
what would you do if you were
ana were you! LenQerly 1nqulIeu
young swell of his lady friend, as he es
corted her home from church. ''Well,'
said she, ''if l were you would throw
away that vile cigarette, cut up my can,
for fire wood, wear my watch chain un
derneath my coat, and stay at home a
nights and pray for brains
A gentleman in Troy has received ,
L L. 80 I,on
ing school in Louisville, KY, which in
clndes I. letter from a grateful "patron'
who writes: II will not apologize fo
writing you, who have been factor il
the mental development Of my daugh
ter. I feel gatitied for this efiorescenc'
and there is no one who has stimulated
her more than yourself, Byyonr magnet
ism or subtle charm, with which 20,
have invested your Instructions, the r0at
] has been 8 royal one Tor her.