Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-04
NEWSPAPER wAIFs.

Form Of congratulation for the candidate
:" Many happy returns :'-[ Burlington
Hawkeye.
An ingenious New Yorker invented a
bathing suit which o woman could wear
withous showing her form at all. He
hasn't sold one SO far this season. Boston
Post.
The A,kaaSa,o Traoeler's aged eolored
person says: My idea OF de better worI
is whac dar is election goin' on all de
time, case den de white folks is alters per-
light"
The Duke of Albany, Queen Victoria's
youngest son married, has already received
several orders.-[Ex. He probably re-
ceived them from his mother.in- law
Texas Siftings.
The american Poultry Adviser is the
name of a new journal that comes to us
this week. We hope it will advise the
poultry in this vicinity to lay fresher eggs.
Lowell Citizen.
a Convention of Land Leagpers in this
| city has decided to make the watermelon
Ireland's national emblem, because it has
the green above the red Philadelphia
Chronicle Herald.
Ii | had had the chance of building
those British iropclads that bombarded
Alexsndria, Arab Bey would have been
happier man. Hence these tears. "-[Gec.
N. Robson in Puck.
| g Is il injurious to eat before going to
! sieep?' asks a correspondent. Why, no,
not fatally injurious bu. you just try eat
ing after you go to sleep if you want to see
circus 4 Burlington Hawkeye.
Our Tombstone correspondent writes
''The mercury stands over 100 in the shade
every day now-ll0' is the maximum
| here" If some of the mines there would
only 60 somewhere near those figures
Boston Transcript.
"Ma," he said, 'swhat's them ?" and he
pointed TO hcrs d'euvres" on the bill of
fare. ooh said ma, them there is one
of the fish they give folks as don't care to
eat soups but | wouldn't eat none if |
was you. "-[Detroit Free Press.
of the Court while the latter was admin.
istering the oath, said "Spesb up;
c annot hear what you say" STOP" said
Baron Anderson from the bench. 'sAre
you deaf?' 60 Yes, my lord, of one ear"
.'Then you may leave the box /; for it is
necessary that jurymen should hear both
sides" - London Society.
Death of George Washington" When
did George Washington die 2? asked an
Austin teacher of large boy. Is be
dead % was the astonished reply. "Why,
it is not more than ak months ago that
they were celebrating his birthday, and
now he is dead. It's a bad year ON chill
dren. reckon his folks let him eat some-
thing that didn't agree with him. II Texas
Siftings.
Laura, aged seven. Her mother tells
her she must not take jam, because God
sees her. "Can He see me IN the closet
if / shut the door," eyes, certainly"
could He see me if | got in your pool1-
et?" :" Yes, God sees every one" "But
could He see me if got under the table
and nulled the cloth over me !" 1es,
! tell you, God sees you as the time
| Laura tpouifngl-" On, pshaw / would
like to be by myself some of the time.
[Quiz.
It was at circus, and Herr Signor Won
D. Simultaneously, the lion president--he
had changed his title out OF compliment
TO republican institutions-was /, ing
through his thrilling act in the cage Of FIVE
lions, when suddenly one of the beasts
sprang upon him and toch a generous bite
out of mis- leg Intense excitement, 10 the
midst OF which pious woman is heard
exclaiming, Come, let us get out of this
Sndom before the center-po!e falls and
crushes us The idea of a lion that eats
meat on Friday ri French paper.
We once suggested to butcher that he
put his scales where the customers could
see the DIAL, not necessarily for publica-
ton, but merely as pledge of good faith.
ooh veg - he rpDlied scornfuliv sci
suppose after while, when you buy FIVE
cent soup bone, you will expect me TO put
on my swallow-tail Sunday coat and my
stovepipe hat, hire the finest hack in town
and a brass band, go in procession to your
shanty. and deliver the soup bone" We
assured him he was mistaken, that no such
ides had ever entered our head; but We
never afterward enriched him with any
more suggestions how to acquire the es-
TEEN and respect of his fellow-citizens =
! Texas Siftings.