The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1882-12-23
Finding q Collar Button.

A Georgia man lost gold collar but
ton two years ago, and recently the but
ton was found in the stomach of cow
that had been slaughtered. An exchange
wonders how in the zworld the COW got
under the bureau to get the collar but
ton. That is question. Something is
singular about the fall of collar button
or stud. Let stud fall on the floor in
plain sight, and it disappears at once un-
der a bureau or bed, as if endowed with
life, and it is a most singular thing that
a man, however brave and noble ordina-
rily, gets mad and says very unpleasant
things. We have heard of minister
| who left the ministry and went to keep
ing books for brewer, all on account of
shirt stud. He was getting ready for
church one Sunday morning, and was
| standing in front of mirror, in his un-
dershirt and pants, his suspenders hang
| ing down on his hips, and his white
shirt in his hands, engaged in putting
the collar button into it's customary
hole. In such moment as ye
think not his fingers became all
thumbs, and the collar button fell
prone on the floor. Not too much but
just prone enough. The pious man saw
pick it up when it disappeared. He
dropped the shirt and began to look for
it, and as he paved over different kinds
of everyday clothes on the floor, and
could not find il, he asked his wife why
in the name of the twelve Apostles she
didn't watch it. She said it was all she
could do to watch her own jewelry.
Then he asked her to help find it, as
l,1 -
church pretty soon or there
would be scarcity of sermons
that day. She told him to get stair
rod and poke around under the bureau,
and she went on hooking up her corset
in the most tantalizing manner. The
pious man got down on his stomach and
tried to feel under the bureau, knocking
the skin off his arm by the operation.
He got ont lot of marbles, some hair
pins, hair brush and piece of hoop
skirt of. the vintage of 1861, but could
not find the collar button. There was
not another button of the kind in the
house, and not shirt he could wear
without the lost stud, and as the minis
ter heard the last bell ring for church,
for him to give out the hymn, and saw
Las WIZ AAshtt SOt olIIoct ICfhdJ lOI
church, sit down on the floor to pull ON
her stockings, while he was no nearer
dressed than when he got his ears
washed, he was pretty mad, that is, mad
for minister. Like man, he laid it all
to his wife, and asked why she did not
fly around and help him. She said
man ought to be able to corral his own
shirt stud, and suggested that hereafter
he tie string to the collar button, when
she pulled off one little shoe that she had
pat on, because there was something in
it, and as she turned the shoe bottom
side up, the gold stud fell out, and
she helped him fix it in the shirt,
and he gotinto his clothes pretty quick
and very mad. He nearly tired his wife
walking to church, scolding her all the
way for not looking in her shoe at first
for the stud, and when he arrived at the
church door he was dripping with per-
spiration. He had forgotten his hand
kerchief, and borrowed his wife's, wiped
the perspiration off, and walked down
the aisle as meek and pious as though he
| had just come from missionary meet
ing, and he preached beautiful sermon
on Faith" and then resigned his
! pastorate and looked for chance to get