Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-09-23

Saturday smiles.
Admiration: "How do ron IKE our church
mas s sy ss ws s eaI9 ut Of the
mire it ever so much. That beautiful song,
Spirit. Oh Genteel' just suited me-" And she
sailed out of the vestibule with the most gen.
teel carry-a-ffteen-dollar parasol air imagi-
nable.-Boston Globe. a3ao
that John Bright contemplated visiting this
country hoped that he wouldn't bring his '.dis-
ease" with him.-NOrv-ist0tcn Herald.
- Uncle Rubes philosophy: "Ef yer want ter
make oman mad an appear pleased, tell her
oh fault; but eff yer wanster make her pleased
an appear mad. tell her dat she's good lookin'."
arkansas Trdceller. 81
= Young America: "What is 1t about the
Star routes. pa?" quer'ed che irrepressible at
tea last evening. "Are the astronomers fixing
up new orbits for the planets?" 'No, nv SON.
the jury has fixed up a new way for rascals to
get clear. l see no way for you to get on in
the world except by becoming a rascal" Sew
boys have such a rascaly father tor an ex
ample" remarked the boys mother; and she
will be obliged to split her own kindling wood
for the next three weeks.-Boston Globe.
= Political and dramatic: Old Goodman went
to some Englist, opera, when he was in Chicago.
of the Alice Oates variety. He came home a
very wrathful man. Don't talk to me any more
about givin' woman the ballot" he roared eff
eyer 1 catch wife or daughter of mine dancin'
in necklace and pair of slippers, somebody'l
have to read the riot act before the ballot is
half over, don't care who tries to stop me-"
And the Goodman girls haven't dared say "wo-
man suffrage OF wear bangs from that day to
ths.-Burlaagtoa Hd,cheye.
II clever twist:-A good motto for an ex-
pressman: Haul things to all men."-Boston
Transcript.
= "Goody-goodness: =" Mamma there's
mosquito on the back OF papa's neck shall 1
hit 1t 2" "NO.' said the mother. considerably,
''your father might not approve of it. He's
member of the society for the prevention of
cruelty to animals.-BrOOklym Eagle.
- Provoking misconstruction = Gentleman
on the railroad car takes an excellent cigar from
his pocket, and just he is about to light it re-
collects that perhaps his fellOw-travelcr objects
to tobacco smoke. Accordingly. the cigar be-
tween his finger and thumb. he turns to his Wis
sir, but perhaps" .'Oh, thank you, with
pleasure!" And the other traveller takes the
cigar and smokes it. [P. S.-Of course it was
the polite mans last weed. Paris Paper
= 'Ts it true. colonel" a friend of Col. Robert
G. 1ngersoll is said to have asked the other day.
THAT you keep a considerable sum of money
home, SO that your children may help themselves
without stint or solicitation" Certainly" was
the reply; 81 believe that to be the best way for
cultivating in them a sense of responsibility and
honor" ''Well. frankly now, colonel. if -
and - naming two prominent defendants
in the star route suD were staying over night
at your house. would you leave that drawer I'M
locked?" But the colonels only answer to this
hOme-thrust at himself and his clients was "a
long and resonant laugh" York Tribune.
Yes" said the farmer "barbed wire fences
are expensive. but the hired man doesn't stop
and rest ev cry time he has to climbit.
= In a Philadelphia hotel dining-room the
other day lady cut the corn from the cob be-
fore eating it. and a well-dressed. but bull
necked fellow. whose face was greatly dis
figured, Che had been in a row the night betOre)
was noticed doing the same thing Suddenly
observing the lady. he asked in tones of genuine
sympathy and surprise, why have you had
your front teeth knocked out too:'
= Mrs. Howe says, women do not fall in
love any more" Ah we'll. When the time
comes that men and women do not fall in love
you may just nickle plate this poor old world
and sell it for moon. There will be nobody on
it when that time comes. Women don't fall in
love any more? OF course not they can't per-
form Representatives,. and they cannot tall in love
any more than they do. unless the years are
made longer Burlington Hdarktye
- Why should the letter A be good for a deaf
woman! Because it makes her hear.
"A wife having lost her husband. was incon-
sOlbie for his death. Leave ne to my grief"
she CRIED sobbing; 'you know the extreme
sensibility Of my nerves; mere nothing upsets
them.''
= Why is an attorney like clergyman !?
Because he studies the law and the prophets
(profts.)
A young lady attending balls and parties
should always secure a female chaperon until
she is able to call some male chap her own.
When Mr.. Adam Black, the Edinburgh pub
Usher, was sounded on the subject of receiving
knighthoOd. he said:-''Nae. nae; it wadna dee
You see" he went on, IF a boy cam into ma
shop and said "A ha'peth O. slate-pencil. Sir
ADAM 1t wadna soond weel."
Why does the letter Y work impossibilities?
1t makes a lad a lady.
AT a social club to which Jerrold belonged
the subject turned one evening upon music. The
discussion was animated and certain song was
cited as an exquisite composition.
''That song" exclaimed an enthusiastic men,
Der, ''always carries me away when hear it."
Looking eagerly round the table, "Can any
body whistle it!' asked Jerrold.
= Schoolmasters, as is well-known. have a
plan OF reversing question and answer, with a
view of making it quite clear. This does not
always work well. judging by the following: A
school master in Yokelton asked small pupil
of what the surface of the earth consists. and
was promptly answered. Gland and water"
Varying the question slightly, that the fact
might be impressed on the boys mind, he asked,
To which came the immediate response,
''mud''
Nov. the beauty of paper collar, =" re-
marked the honorable member, coaxing re-
fractory pin, lis its economy. You wear one a
week. then you turn it and wear it another
week. Then you split it and you have two new
collars with one clean side, good for another
week. each of EN-" And adjusting the fiat
scarf over the red flannel shirt he went down to
dinner.-Hdackeye.
A Maine newspaper explains ''The types
last week made us say that the showers were
not sufficient to meet the wants of the n,iunaen,
etc, instead of n,illmen."
.-"Ma," says the young woman who is to be
one of the October brides, and who is making
out list OF names to be sent to the engraver
who sends out the cards. INA, don't let's ask
anyone not likely to send me decent present
except to the church, for they eat their heads off
at the reception, and are perfect nuisance,
anyway" Ma said, "All right, dear"
= In getting out of tram-car he happened to
stumble over the foot OF young lady who was
sitting next to the door. The damsel, compress
ing her brOwint an awe-inspiring frown, ejacu-
lated, ''You clumsy fellow!" Many men would
have looked foolish and apologized, bnt this one
was equal to the occasion. ,s.My dear young
lady," he exclaimed ''yOu sboud have feet