Connecticut western news., 1882-08-02

hnoWlnS Der V, soon U COnlesS
 Her XLNC in an XXC.
 TAKING things as they come is not so very distressing. It is parting with them as they go that outs one to the soul.
 RESORT item The hot weather hes had the effect of crowdipg all the wa teripg places with the exception of Wall street. Puck.
 CoNeREssMEN who exhibit black guardian on the floor of the House should be placed on the retired list by their constituents at the fall elections.
 A SHE'LL burst near an Irishman in the trenches. Gazing on the fragments, he exclaimed, "By iabers them's the fellers to tickle yer ear."
 UP in Missouri they are just begin ming to break themselves of the habit of holding up their hands every time stranger enters the car.-Teras SYft- ingS.
 A HAT Irritation is the latest idiocy among the girls. There is no way that & man can wear hat that doesn't mean something, and the only way you're safe is to go bareheaded.
 ONLY 192 out of 200 exchanges looked over yesterday contained the sentence. ''The war cloud darkens in the East" The other eight journals had to hold it over on account of being presented with watermelon s.-DetroH Free Press.
 THE "Correct Cheese Ut is always very difficult to decide what really comes under this heading, but it is quite certain that the combination of skim milk, mud and oleomargarine which is largely sold as Chedder is not entitled to that honor.-Pmch.
 A DRUGGIST mixes two ounces of water and three cents' worth of powder to- gether and charges fifty-six cents for the prescription. Estimating the water at eighty cents and his time at twenty, how much does he lose2 It's curious, but druggists lose money just that way. Detroit Free Press.
 A BOY buys harvest apple for cent. He gives boy taste for kite worth four cents; another boy small bite for a marble worth a penny; third boy big bite for jackknife worth six cents, and then has enough left to get up case of collie worth $7. How much does he make by the speculation A SERVANT girl works in certain family for three weeks at &3 per week. She breaks four globes at twenty-eight cents each, three tea cups valued ct twenty cents apiece, throws $1.20 worth of bread and biscuit into the alley and gets away with half a set of knives and forks costing $3. How much Is the family out of pocketp
 ONE way out of it: Hostess Gin despair) -"Reginald, my dear, what shall we do? The company only half served, aud
 the refreshments are giving out Y Practical host-"Why, thin out the
 guests, to be sure. Get Brown to read
 that awful stupid essay of his on The Characterization of the Day. and you'll sec them vanish like smoke"
 A FATHER pays $200 to educate his
 daughter in music; $50 to enable her to
 say 'good day" in French; S1O0 to give
 her lessons in painting; &25 to learn her
 to dance. She then marries man who
 is working on Q salary of $14 per week.
 How much will she save by doing her
 own kitchen work for five years, esti-
 mating girls salary at $2. 50 per week 2
 ARaoNAUT Sour: "Take a pail of water
 and wash it clean. Then boil 1t till it
 is brown on both sides. Pour in one
 bean. When the bean begins to worry.
 prepare it to simmer. If the soup will not simmer, it is too rich, and you mus pour in more water. Dry the wste, with towel before you put 1t in. The dryer the water, the sooner 1t will brown. Serve hot"
 WHEN Union gunboat was going
 into action one of the men who was or
 his knees was sneeringly asked by az officer if he was afraid. "No, I wsl praying" was the response. "WelI what are you praying for ?" "Pray . ing" said the sailor, that the enemy 2 bullets may be distributed the sam way as the prize money is, principal. among the officers"
 IT IS related of Siebenkee7, ., 7. eminent German scholar, that having V finished reading one of his besutifu = imaginings to his wife, who sppeare .1 to be listening with batcd breath an ' eyelids cast down, he closed the boo ' with inward satisfaction at the con v pletion of his Iabors, only to hear th :, sharer Of his joys exclaim, " My deal e pray don't put on your left stockinl u to-morrow-I see there is hole in it. "- - ChdD,bers's Journal.
 [. A BAND of Arizona Indians recentl IF captured c wagon-Ioad of patent med ia cines, taking the contents of the bottla Ia for e new kind of drink. When the d got settled down again, so they coul r collect their thoughts and reason, the ,r concluded that they had made no erro ,a It was a new kind of drink. And if th n. white men of that region had got { a they could use that kind of bevcrAs .s and like it, there was no use for fh ;d Indian to try to exterminate thsm.- ' Boston Post.
 Ill A CLERGYMAN of this city was met Ia r, week by 0 woman who has little re t. | axn.,oa for kha nlokh aTall mo 70 anI