Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-09-25
The modern pie-rate-ten cents apiece.

The modern pie-rate-ten cents apiece.
There's very little opposition to a red
hot poker.
Where does water resemble a gymnast?
Where it makes spring.
Before an apple becomes cider it must
go the rounds of the press.
1t is the man with a swelled jaw who
realizes that silence is golden.
Tom Thumb is said to own yacht.
We suppose it is sailed by Thumbs
crew.
Latin is dead language and that is why
doctors use it for writing out their pre-
scriptions.
The other night an amature prize-fght-
er was killed by mule, in Fayetteville,
Arkansas. Barnum wants the mule but
the people of the town are unwilling to
part with him.
There are not a few people in the COM
@HptY MR2 81 tng are pg WoEEal5 Ea5 IN the chao
position, 81 would rather be pollYwog
if was rhinoceros, though if l was |
suppose I wouldn't"
A savage Illinois woman says that for
every young wife that cannot cook, there
| is young husband who will not make
fires, carry ashes, split kindling or shovel
snow and cannot market because he does
not know hawk from hen.
A convict says he was sent to prison
for being dishonest, and yet he is COM
PEELED every day to cut pieces of paste
board, which are put between the soles
of cheap shoes made there and palmed off
on the innocent public as leather.
A lady who was suffering under slight
indisposition told her husband that it
was with the greatest difficulty she could
breathe, and the effort distressed her ex-
ceedingly. 'T wouldn't try, my dear, -
soothingly responded the husband.
A Philadelphia young man who married
a girl named Rose, placed over their sit
ting-room door handsomely worked
motto: 'Rose by any other name would
be as sweet" A year or so afterward he
took it down and put in its place: 'No
Rose without a thorn
The correspondent of the Pittsburs
Dispatch at Wheeling, West Va, writes
''For the last few days, at intervals O.
some hours, stones of all kinds have beer
falling in showers in Marion county, OIL
the east fork of the river" The name o
the man on the east fork of the river whC
is having trouble with his mother-in-lav
is not given.
''I should so like to have coin datet
the year of my BIRTH" said q maiden lad.
of uncertain age to a male acquaintance
''Do you think you could get one TO
me?" sI am afraid not," he replied
'sThose very old coins are only to b
found in valuable collections" And ye
he cannot see why, when he met the lad
the next day, she didn't speak to him.
In the steam car the other day was
bright little four-year-old lady. An elder
the little one turned around would shak
his finger, or duck his head, or ''cluck,
or do some one of the score Of things tha
are especially pleasing to the babies. Th
little girl answered these kindly attention
with vacant stare, until apparently tire
Of them, she exclaimed in a voice lou
: enough to be heard half through the ca
mamma, really believe that old fool
trying to make love to me-"
Nearly generation ago woman WI
was called in to do Garibaldi's washin;
ventured to remark that she could NJ
find his shirts. sMy shirts! have two
he replied. GU must have one in tt
wash, I have the other on. With O
der and calculation, two shirts are pie
ty!" Garibaldi's philosophy was new
surpassed, unless by that Kentucky ge
Q tleman who possesses but one shirt, al
| was accustomed to lie in bed one d;
each week to have the sacred garme
IRE washed. One morning, while he was
G TX. rest, his wife rushed in, and cried ssBi
un the burned calf hez ct your shirt!" Up,
ou this Bill remarked TRANQUILITY, that 'sThe
ez heZ must losei'