Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-08-26
BoHSMIANIsMS,

A single stock bearing twenry-four heads
of cabbage has been discovered in Henry
county, Va, and all the other cabbage
heads are talking about 1t Boston Tran
script.
Men lose some of their talents as they
grow older. You never saw boy in any
scrape but he could give plausible excuse
for his course, but a man often finds him
self stumped for an explanation.-[Bo Boston
Post.
1t is said that sunfower seeds, which
have been boxed up for 200 years, will grow
if taken out and planted. This statement
is little hard to believe, but Susan B.
Anthony insists that it is rue Philadel-
phia News.
"How far is it to Manayunk?" asked
weary 1rishman, who was going there afoot.
" Seven miles, +" was the reply. "Whom
do you wish to see there ?" "Faith it's
meself I'd loik to see there" was the re-
tort.-[Philadelphia Quiz.
As matter of seasonable intelligence, it
is reported that New Workers are making
pepper out of old shoes roasted and ground
fine. We had supposed that our pepper
was pure, but this puts the fiery condiment
script.
Clerks in some other cities point to Hart
ford as a model in the early closing move
ment. Hartford Times. The chief indus
try of Hartford is life insurance, and all
these establishments have to close early in
order to buttonhole other people on their
way home from work. Philadelphia n ews.
Some girls think themselves just good
enough to eat simply because they are in
their sauce age. This, dear reader, is a
play npon the word sausage which are, of
course, good enough to eat. With little
study, the beauties OF this paragraph will
be unfolded, and probably you never saw
sage prouder of pun than the writer is of
this. Boston Transcript.
John Van Buren, was one day riding in
the cars with a lady friend who, happen
ing to see some boys in bathing close to the
track, said "Isn't it shame that boys
are allowed to battle in such places ?" Van
Buren, slapped on his eyeglasses, looked
sharply at the boys, and then remarked
"Tney are boys, amt they ?"-[NeW Or
leans Times.
A lady in the Cleveland Leader inquiries
whether the day will ever come when a
lady can go through the streets of that
city on Sunday unmolested by Sunday
school patrons ?" To which the Detroit
Free Press responds: ''Don't wait for it.
Come to Detroit, where they get so drunk
that they can't bother anybody. u Chicago
Tribune.
Edward, what do l hear-that you
have disobeYed your grandmother, who
told you lust now not to jump down those
steps" Grandma didn't tell us not to,
papa; she only came to the door and said
wouldn't jump down these steps, boys,
and l shouldn't think she would-an old
lady like her. y New York Graphic.
In Philadelphia hotel dining.room the
other day lady cut the corn from the cob
before eating it, and we'll dressed but
bull-necked fellow whose face was greatly
dishgured (he had been in a row the night
before) was noticed doing the same thing.
Suddenly observing the lady, he asked In
tones of genuine sympathy and surprise
why, have you had your front teeth
knocked out, too ?"-Philadelphia News.
Study of drunkards There are of them
those who live to drink for to drink, and
others who drink for to guzzle themselves.
1t Is before one of these last that a coacher
was Wanting In tavern one of his friends
who had so much the solid head that he
could drink ten litres of wine without guz.
cling himself. The druukard convinced,
lets retail his head between his hands in
soSbing, "The unhappy l"-[ Translated
from the French.
A woman up in Michigan was lost in the
woods five days, nearly starved to death,
was frozen at night, was chased by wolves
and scared by snakes, and when she got out
of the jungle and reached home at last, no
body had missed her Shadow of death
But she was the maddest woman. Yes,
daughter, you may just bet your bangs
| they knew she mad got home. Oh, yes
| they knew it.-[Burllngton Hawkeye.
LADY on ELECTRIC LIGHTS.
Oh, cruel Electricity that gives so strong light,
In m my an unprotected lamp you fash supremely
bright,
You shone upon our pretty gowns, illuminated
flowers,
But all too ruthlessly lit up these pald cheeks Of
ours.
Twas at the Horticultural, and ferns and flowers
were there,
The beautiful gloxinas, and orchids passing rare
They faced the incandescent lamps as erst they
faced the sun,
While mary cheek grew strange Of hue and felt
itself undone.
And vainly Art aids Nature now in unobtrusive
way;
This lamp magn of Edison's is worse than brightest
day;
veil may serve TO screen from sun, but when in
evening dress,
There's nothing twixt these awful lamps ana female
loyeliness.
Then, men Of science, you must aid, and tell US, if
you please,
How Ee shall make our charms Withstand spch glar.
ing lights these;
Fer. If the ladies ind those lamps still turn them
pale and wan,
They'll lead feminine crusade 'gainst Edison and
SIAN = LnnAnu Prnnh