The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-11-17
PUyGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-"My wife, said Mlddleby, ''does
not talk about stocks and bonds; but
must confess that she sometimes gives
me some pretty good rail-away intelli-
gence. THE Judge.
This exclaimed the man who was
fitting stove-pipe as the black dust
dejectedly dropped to the floor, ''this is
nv fall sootr-N Y Commercial Id
rertiser.
Adams fall occurred before Eve
was created; so it is useless to twit
woman with being the cause of all our
sorrow. 1t was when he fell into deep
sleep prior to losing rib.-BostoH
Transcript.
Mrs. Partington honored US with a
call this morning. She is looking well,
and saws she is like the windows of a
renovated honse-all the old panes are
out of her and the pneumatics are things
of the past.-Boston Star.
A cowboy at Prescott, A. T., was
running the town and carrying high
head until Massachusetts, consumptive
cracked his skull with club Ths ma
tives never dreamed that cowboy could
be laid out.-Detroit Free Press.
A Jackson County. GA man bad
his ear bitten off by a horse the CHER day,
which recalls the old rhyme:
The horse bit the parson.
How came il to pass?
The horse heard the parSol say
All flesh is grass"
Perhaps the casual reader has never
sat down on buzz saw and felt himself
fading away. If so. he doesn't know
what it is TO form the acquaintance of Il
4somnambulistic bulldog in the prime OF
iife.-Laranaie Boomerang.
Married but six weeks aad in
tearsw exclaimed friend to weeping
bride. ..Yes; the first cruel shadow has
fallen athwart our pathway. 1t is settled
at last; either must give up eating tatfy
or George must cut of his mustache."
-Brookiy' Eagle.
why didn't you deliver that mes.
sage as gave it to you?'' asked an
Austin gentleman of his stupid servant.
81 did de best j could, boss" .sYou
did the best you could. did you?" imi-
tating his voice and look. $50 you did
the best you could. If had known that
was sending !. donkey, l would have
gone myself. "-Teras Siftings.
One day toward nightfall, and in
uncertain light, man bought an over
coat of pretended plum color. The
next morning it proved to be of quite
too unmistakable green. Returning it
to the shopkeeper, that worthy regarded
the buyer calmly. and said: ..You must
have little patience with it, my dear
sir; it isn't ripe yet. lie Figaro.
Why does the Man Smile? Because
He Went into Closet this Morning and
Found last Years Hat, which He Put
on in front of a Looking glass. He didn't
Know himself hardly, and Wondered
how He Had Been Fool enough to wear
such Hat. Thus YOU see Man is a
Fool every Year, but He does not Find
it out until the year after.-Brooklyn
Union.
: "A hard-up editor In the PARKWAY
West speaks to his delinquent subscrib-
ers in way that is both quaint and I'M
mistakable. He says: sDear gentle
hearted readers of this pale-face sheet,
If you find cross-bones and skull, with
crest of metallic burial casket drawn in
blood. on the wrapper of your paper,
you will know thatyour subscription has
expired and that something has got to
be done. and there's no time to monkey
about it. Winter is upon as, and our
summer porous plaster don't shed the
chilly worth chucks.''