The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-03-29
COMIC COMMENTS.

The time to eat breakfast--be its
eight.
Best expressed on tombstones-grave
sentiments.
"A man is like an egg You can't tell
whether or not he's good until he's
"broke"
The young man who boasted that he
could marry any girl he pleased, found he
couldn't please any.
-"Well," said an Irish attorney, eff it
PLACE the Court, if am wrong in this have
another point that is equally conclusive"
Close companions When George Col
man the younger was asked if he knew The
odore Hook, no said -" Oh, yes; Hook
and eye are often together
-" You made fool Of me, = said an irate
man to his wife, My love- she sweetly
responded, you do yourself injustice. Cali
yourself fool, Il you wish, but remember
you are in all respects a self-nade man.
"A tunnel joke: If the Hoosac Tunnel
doesn't pay my better than II has been pay
ing, MIR. F9osac threatens 70 pull the whol<
thing up by the roots and sell it for an UNI
brela scabbard. When asked why It doesn'i
pay he always replies. 81 can't see through
it."--R01ae Sentinel
Conclusive evidence: Eyes, said
Daisy, " think Jack is in love with me.
He hasn't told me so, but when Harry Birch
escorted me home from the party last night
Jack looked ugly, and to-day he took an OPP
portunity to throw an awful hard ball at
Ha,ry's dog. "-BoStoa Post.
Why they suspected him Extract from
young lady's letter" And, do you know,
Maud andI are quite sure Captain Popple had
taken too much champagne at the ball, for
he took out his watch and looked hard at the
back of it and then muttered: Blesh my
shout | hadn't any idea it was that time o.
night. 'n--Boston Star.
Grim repartee: A pickering pair Of
Quakers We're lately heard in high contro-
versy, the husband exclaiming: 81 am de.
termined to have one quiet week with
thee !" " But how wilt thou be able to get
it? said the haunting spouse, in that sort
of reiteration which married ladies 30 pro-
yokingly indulge in. 81 will keep thee q
week after thou are dead,n was the Quaker's
reioinder. II Providence Press
IA Yankee is considered the sharpest of
tho human family and only an Irishman
can get the better of him. The latter's wit
is more forceful than the formers plainness
and drectness of speech. An Irishman took
Yankee friend to church with him on
Christmas day The music was magnificent
and the decorations gorgeous. On their way
out of church he asked the Yankee how he
liked it. why, it beat the devl!n said the
down-easter. That's the intintion," dryly
remarked the gentleman from Tipperary.
Contrast; Why, good morning, am
delighted to see You. How could you come
out in such cold weather, my dear2n was
the greeting of New Haven belle to her in-
timate friend yesterday. " 1t is indeed cold,
but Emile De Mllevleau called for me and
| thought couldn't miss the opportunity
for morning walk How can you? Ii
..ss-.sss urss soo persse ,s<sat
seen GU the street with 50 very, pinin-loolains
person." "Ah, my DEAR you do not APP
preeiate the value of contrast "-Neso Ho-
zen register.
"A frank man: As Woodward avenue
car was ON its way down town yesterday It
was halted by the vigorous shouts and gcs-
lures of u man nearly block away. He
finally reached the car pulling and blowing,
dropped into q seat for n minute, mud then
began feeling for his nickel to pay fare with.
He went through every pocket twice over,
stood up and shook himself, and then bolted
out of the car and dropped off into the mud,
saying to man on the platform, "If you
hear of the sudden death of fool you may
know that it's me ~ Detroit Press
Deluded men Two ladies who had
been to hear Minnie Hauk were seated in
tho horse car. Said one " How do you
like Carmen t'n ~ think Carmen per-
fectly lovely" replied the other. And the
conductor and driver, the great silly crea.
lures, swelled out like pair of inflated
frogs, and they have since taken to hair oil,
dyed moustaches, patchouiy-scen ed pocket
handkerchiefs and all sorts of egrag Gus VAN
tiles In the language Of Francis Bacon as
interpreted by William Shakespeero, What
fools we morals De l"--B0st0n Transcripts.