The daily Cairo bulletin., 1882-10-31
WIT AND HUM0R.

Inc NOUN OF gosslp,llke drug store,
is open at all hours.
The cultured no longer call it hash.
Mosaic nutriment is the correct form.
The green grocer is the one who trusts
the new family in the next block.
Queen Victoria is said to be a very
good example ol-'plain English"
What are the dimensions of little
elbow room?
A girl in Providence, 10! years old
has just been married. Very few girls
can be brought to cut off their ice-cream
at that age,
Women are not allowed to be out on
the streets of Chicago after ten o'clock
at night After that hour the men want
the whole street TO themselves and
they take it,
We cannot understand why there
should be so much talk about the de-
cline of American shipping, when it is
well-known fact that there is always a
boom in ships.
1t has been suggested that Thanks
giving day in the future be held on the
18th Of October, the anniversary of the
discovery of America by Columbus.
We kick. Turkeys are not ripe so early.
Those editors who want vests abolish
ed as useless are very short-sighted.
Where would literary men and Others
Of sedentary occupations get patches for
their trousers if there were no vests?
The ballot wasn't known at the time
of Noah, but from what we are told of
the old man there is every reason to be-
lieve that If it had been, he wouldn't
have worked much evenings on the ark.
A voter deficient in beauty said to
candidate, II mean to withdraw my
countenance from you. sir" MANY
thanks for the favor" replied the can
didate, "for it's the ugliest mug | ever
saw"
A correspondent writes: "There are
ground squirrels, ground mice, ground
hogs, ETC., but see no mention in any
of my books of ground Cog. Is there
such an animalP" Inquire at a sausage
factory.
What a providential thing it is that,
as a general rule, by the time the eldest
girl gets old enough to have beau the
Youngest child is old enough to sleep
quietly. A cross baby yelling up stairs
would be fearful damper on court
ship.
Pedestrian, who had dropped n pen
ny in front of "a poor, blind man
"Why, you humbug, you're not blind"
Beggar-"Not |, sir. If the card says
am, they must have given me the
wrong one, I'm deaf and dumb. "
Boston Transcript.
Slang is dangerous language. Recent
", when handsome young wife went
to a hardware store to get one Of those
wooden contrivances to mash potatoes,
and said ii want masher," every man
in the shop, from the boss to the Office
boy, started to wait on her.
Another Fifth avenue youth has COM
mitted suicide He had acquired Eng.
lish side whiskers, English slang, Eng
lish clothes and English manners, yet
the other night right before n whole
company some Garrulous olu men tolu
that his ancestors came over in the May
flower.
| A lad who had boen bathing was in
the act of dressing himself, when one OF
his shoes rolled down the rock and dis.
appeared in the water. In attempting
to rescue il he lost the other one also,
whereupon, contemplating his feet with
a most melancholy expression, he apos'
trophized "Well, you're nice pair OF
orphans, amt your"
There lives an old gentleman who il
famous for the soiled condition OF his
linen. An old friend who had beer
looking dxedly at the bosom of the Ole
gentleman shirt, spoke out thus; 81
say, major, I've known you for the last
twenty years, and there is something
about you that has puzzled me very
much. l would like to ask you about II
II you have no objection. / hope YOU
won't got madp" "Well, no; ! reckon
not" "Well, then, major, do tell me
who wears your shirts before they 60
] dirtyp'