Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-07-03
NEWSPAPER WIT,

Charity covers multitude of church lot
teries.-[ Wilkins.
A lady named Grimes is about to appear
on the public platform. 1t is to be hoped
she will not commit herself. = Boston
Courier.
Queen Victoria gave away no India
shawls at Mentone, and the inhabitants are
in doubt as to her identity.-[Cincinnati
Commercial.
An Iowa woman struck at tramp with
an AK and cut a lock of hair from his head.
If she had been splitting wood she couldn't
have hit within three feet of the stick
Detroit Free Press.
Nawab gbaloob-Dowlah, vikar DOL
Oomra, attended Prince Leopold's wed.
ding. Some men will do anything to get
their names in the society column. Ill Louis
vile Courier.J ournal.
Signor Foil is singing in Ireland. 1t is
very beautiful to see an Italian artist SO
unspoiled by adulation as to seize every
opportunity to revisit the old folks at
home Philadelphia News.
Since the discovery of those enormous
canals on the planet Mars, NJ. de Lesseps is
very melancholy. Missed the opportunity
Of digging them himself, don't you see ,
[Cincinnati' Saturday Night.
The Chicago Tribune suggests that Par
nell marry the Princess Beatrice, and be-
come Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland. A
Chicago paper has to say something to fill
up its columns. Boston Bost.
The Louisville Journal says: "Woman
and dress can never be separated" The
editor of the Journal wishes to create the
impression that he never saw Black
Crook " ballet.-[Norristown Herald.
An exchange says that the other day "a
chill years old was picked up by New
Nefk policeman in state of gross intoxi.
cation" just as though policeman in that
condition was anything unusual in New
York.-[Philadelphia News.
The patchwork king" paragraph
joking, smoking, thinking, etc.-is OF
its twenty.first annual newspaper tour. 1t
should have rest Norristown Herald.
Fellows who get off such peurile puns as
these deserve span.king.-[Ph Philadelphia
News.
The small-minded swindler arrested for
stealing railroad passes deserves the sever.
est condemnation If he had simply stolen
the railroad itself he might have become
an honored and respected member of the
Board of Brokers. Philadel.
phia Record.
A Paris Professor has, by means of an
apparatus of his own invention, discovered
the presence of alcohol in water. All that
is wanted now is for some sharp to dis.
cover sugar in water, and anti Murphyites
will conclude that life is worth living
Norristown Herald.
The Concord Monitor illustrates the
beauties of the editorial "we" when it
says: "The frequency of divorce in our
State would imply laxity somewhere. Is
it in our Courts, our social system or our
religious teaching" Perhaps it may be |
traced to all of them Boston Globe.
Maine has an unbroken stretch of forest |
?, 600 miles long, and there are some peo-
pie in this land who would be very happy |
+ this man Shipherd was standing right in |
The middle of it, at this very minute, with |
,ut gun, tent or compass, and no guide |
out four year.old catamount, pretty hun. |
Try and not over-fastidious.- Burlington |
dawkeye.
A census of the elephants in the United |
States shows the number to be just seventy.
even. Barnum, with his usual enterprise,
will have ninety OF these animals before the |
hummer closes, and Forepaugh will own the
sixty. This will leave less than
me hundred to be divided among the score
# other greatest shows" now on the road.
Norristown Herald.
Score one more for Boston culture
What do they call it the Myopia Club
or ?" inquired swell New Yorker of the
lackman who drove him out to the races.
{ Why" exclaimed the astonished cabby.
don't you know? The name is OF Greek
rigin, and signifies near.sighted." Not to
re outdone. in polIteneas, the New York
well offered to take cabby's seat on the
utside and give cabby ride. i Boston
POST.
Finkton's wife died about month ago.
Brown saw Finkton yesterday, and as it
vas the first time the two had met since
ne latter's affection, Brown naturally re-
erred to Finkton's LOGS of his wife. Gloss
f my wife 3" exclaimed Finkton, in be.
"What do you mean,
brown? Left my wife half minute ago.
never better in her life. Oh, I under
tand," he added, after pause; lyon
mean my other wife," He had been re-
married in the interim. Boston Tran.
cript.
The man who is in hurry, but has to go
low because four women ahead of him
hink they own the earth. and insist on
talking abreast, and forcing every man
hey meet into the gutter, will never feel
rieYed to have them meet four of their
ex coming the other way in the same
lyle. Neither crowd will give for min.
tie, and, when they do break, they collide.
nd have horrid time, and hate each
Their; and if big dog, all mud, will only
ush in and wipe himself on the nuisances.
70 ecstasy for the man.-[Boston Post.