Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-01-13
T. IT q


An Ohio PAPER says young lady who
graduated in calico dress Il few years ago
is now married to railroad superintend
emit who has an income of half million a
year., This may be taken as the basis for
the regulation of graduation dresses here
after. Had she worn alpaca she might
have done even better, and caught the
general manager of the road. On the 9TH
er hand. had she blossomed forth in white
Swiss she might have captured the presi
dent of the concern, with untold millions:
had she worn silk with point lace and dia-
monds she might have scooped in the con-
ductor of passenger train, and had onyx
staircases and alabaster walls to her house,
and cut the wives of officers on the road
as society altogether too thin for her style.
This thing ought to be lesson to girl
graduates and a warning to them to pa
tronize their tailors literally.
We sometimes wish that nature had de-
signed US for hired girl, instead of an
editor, so that we could have been inde-
pendent. In this country ga hired girl"
is only another name for afiuence and
financial stability. IG IS not an uncom-
mon occurrence for girl to come West
work at regular wages two or three years,
and then, as an heiress. marry a bloated
capitalist and settle down. 1t is horrible
fact that, unless something is done to pre-
vent the Capitalization Of capital among
the servant girls of Wyoming, revolution
cannot be avoided.
He was asking the conductor how h.
managed to build house and buy a fas'
horse out of sis $50 a month. You see,
Sid this noble man. sometimes we get
way passenger who pays a quarter or
a half dollar for his fare. Well, we III
the money up-heads fer the conducto
tails for the company 'FBut," persisted
this investigator after truth. 'sometime
it must turn up tails. What DO yoH d..
then ?'' Cob" replied the conductor,
witt an ineffible contempt. ''then we flip it
up again. So that passenger went home
and sold out his railroad shares.
Epitaph on Western hotel: Peace to
its hashes. Requiescat its soup bones j.;
the swill barrel under the dining-room
window. Green grow the CHASTITY celery
and the cork lined raddIsh above Its grave.
Burn eyermore on the shine Of its fragrant
memory the mountaineering kerosene
that palled the bedroom with it's Pickering
gloom. And may its fame endure, even as
the fadeless Eastlake pound cake and the
galvanized porterhouse steak.
Here is Valise. It does not Weigh
-Four hundred Pounds. 1t is the Valise
of an Editor. In the Valise are Three
Sacks and Bottle and Book. There is
Something in the Bottle. Maybe it is Ar
MICA for the Editors Sore Finger. The
Book is Baxter's Saints Rest. The Socks
got into the Valise by Mistake. Perhaps
the Bottle will get into the Editor by Mis-
take.-D enUer Tribune Primer.
A story is told Of a member of certain
theological seminary who was 50 sensitive
as to any suspicion of plagiarism that he
never allowed himself to make the slight.
est quotation without giving his authorl-
ty. On one occasion he commenced grace
at breakfast thus: "Lord, we thank Thee
tnat we haye awaked from the sleep which
writer in the "Edinburg Review" has
called the image of death.'''
Here we have Joke and a Man. The
Joke is very old. 1t is Bald and Tooth
less. 1t must be about one Thousand wears
Old. The Man wears Big Diamond and
a Shiny plug Hat. He is Negro Mn
s,rel. 60 and give the Old, Old joke to
him aud he will Take care of it very Ten
DERBY. 1t is his Business. He gets Forty
dnl.ars week for it.-Denver Tribune
Primer.
No man who has never written a book
Can comprehend the awful joy which fills
the soul Of the author as he discovers the
offspring of his brain sand @iched III among
a number of other discarded volumes, and
marked ny our choice for ten cents.'
Volunteer Captain (acting Major first
time)-"Now then! what are you bows
staring at? Did you never see war horse
bffore?" Boys (who had followed expect |
ing a .'spill']-''Aye, we've whites seen |
waur horse, but never waur rider!" J