Mexico weekly ledger., 1882-09-21
Wn.ND HUM0R

come Dy the nsh line.
Ella Wheeler says that $40,
ficient" Ella has evidently beeh sur
ing from DR.. Tanner.
1t was Detroit girl who married at
Is so as to have her golden wedding
when 1t would do her some good.
The young woman who sneeringly re-
marks that men are all alike generally
shows her sincerity by taking the first
man that offers himself to her.
Miss Emma Abbott is said 20 have
made $100, 900 in stock speculation re-
Gently. Emma, if you can do that sort
Of thing, you just let opera alone.
There is one advantage in warm
weather. At no other season of the
year can you spread the butter on the
children's bread SO evenly and SO thinly.
Says a cynical old lady: "very
handsome mothers are often proud of
their very ugly babies. l wonderif but
terflies are proud Of their caterpillars."
No matter how handsome young
woman may be, when the right man
comes along she is ready to yield the
palm Of her beauty, if he have the sense
to ask it.
Takes . woman for ingenuity. A
Cleveland girl had a new bonnet she
wanted to show. and contrived to get
herself called as q witness on a case she
knew nothing about.
Vegetables are ever so much better
for person than meat this hot wealth
er," remarked the head Of the family,
as he reached for the last slice of beef
and left an unsatisfactory ear Of corn
for the rest of the household
A woman lately looked at printing
press at work, turned to her companion,
and in most earnest manner inquired.
swell. Charley, an thems the things as
writes the papers. Be's them what
they call editorsp"
Yes, my boy. there are So, 200, 900
people in this country. And you are
| only one of them. just one. Think Of
that, once in o while, when you get to
wondering what would happen TO the
world if you should die.
1t may be interesting to the boys to
learn thata mule can fight at both ends.
| A Louisville boy who tickled mule
about the mouth the other day was
| frightfully bitten in the hand by the en-
ragged longears.
II declarer' exclaimed Mrs. Tindice,
Il never saw gal like our Sary Jane.
worked eenamost two hull days on her
bathin' dress. and don't you think she
got il wringin' wet the fust time she put
Il on"
Substitution.-It was at party. Miss
Angelina had been persuaded to preside
at the piano. There" said Seraphina,
as Angelina took up piece of music,
'.she has taken tune from the rack,
and now she will put US all on it."
A trade journal gives directions for
preserving harness" Preserved. har-
ness may be considered very palatable
by those who like that sort of thing,
but we don't want a bit in our mouth.
-NOrristoton Herald.
"Yes, sir" says the Oldest resident,
s'the first trip / made from Lowell to
Boston was over the old canal, and /
worked my passage on the canal-boat." :"
''Worked your passagep HowPh in
quired his audience. II led the horse" :"
solemnly remarked the ancient mariner.
A certain self-styled authority on wit
and humor says that there are but
twenty kinds of Jokes. Wen wager
that we can send him a boy that will
play over forty different practical jokes
in half q dav, unless he assassinatcs the
boy before that time.
A fashion item says that the belle Of
the period now wears at her waist belt
little music box, family playing a sin
gle tune. We suppose this is 10 enable
the gentleman to explain TO anybody
who comes along unexpectedly, that he
was winding the box.
| ,l.,,
makes angeis?" asked little boy who
had been reading of the heavenly in
habitants. The mother glanced out
into the orchard, and, with n warning
look. solemnly replied, "Unripe fruit,
my dear"
Philadelphia mothers now tell their
youngsters that If they are right good
little boys until the bi-centennial cele-
bration this fall, they will take them
down to the river bank and let them
play with the United States Navy
Philadelphia Neps.
sarcastic question may sometimes
do duty for the seyercst of replies. Il
never consider dinner perfect without
SOUP" said one man TO another; II al
ways have soup when I dine" .And
do you ever have anything clse?" asked
the other.
''Cain bottomcd chairsr'' repeated the
countryman. studying the upholsterer's
sign. ''Cain bottomcd chairs. did hep
! want to know! Can't hardly believe
it. but then these ere city chaps know.
Won't our dominic be took back, though.
when l tell i'm"
He Smoked. Snort, Texas
journalist. was about to get into car
on the Central railway, when the con-
ductor, thinking the passenger might
prefer the smoking car. asked: "Do
you smoker Don't care if do"
reaching out for the expected cigar.
"As for Mrs. So-and-so.n remarks
one of the guests in n salon where they
are passing their friends under review,
''her worst fault is that she is bored
wherever she goes" Her lack of self
ishness is still greater defect" says
another, "for she insists in not being
the only bored person in the company"
A Chicago man came home very ear
ly the other evening, kicked his wife
and children into the street, locked the
door, and then went TO bed. His wife
made no complaint. but went to rcla-
tive's house, and with beaming face ex-
claimed: Thank fortune, / know
where my husband is this night, any
way"
Lady Visitor-"Your boy looks very
bad, Mrs. Jones; what's the matter?'
Mrs. Jones-"Yes, ma am, he be very
bad; an what's more the doctor has
made him worse. I'm sure we poor
, people need to pray with all our hearts.
From all false docterin, good Lord, de-
liver u.s. never saw its meaning be.
!. fore"
A certain married man got mp out OF
, his bed one night and took new red
, coverlet and lay down upon il on the
j floor. In the morning when he got ur
I his wife gave yell of fright, for on tht
day before she had been reading Of thu
> tattooed man. and for moment sh,
r thought he had broken into her cham.
Der. That new red covcrlet is now fol
sale at a second hand store.
Chance for Stake.-They were bury
t ing q man who had died in Southern
Indiana, when tramp leaned over tn,
s fence and inquired, WAS he states
, man?" mo" 'Orator?'' mo-
7 '-Great inventor, or anything Of tha
sort?' mo; he was simply an homes
t man." ''Oh, that's it. eh? Why dom
r his widder take the body over to Chica
J 60 and put it on exhibition, and make
stake?n