davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20


The girls of the Sunny cline describ.s
this world as one of - hustle, toll and
care We agree with them--the wom-
en- have all the hustle, and the men have
the toll and CalHbridge Tribune
-" Modestusn writes US: There IS
natatorium in the city, so where can
learn to swim?'' In the water, man
alive, in the water. You didn't think of
learning to swim in a hay NOW, did yous
-BurIingto7 HaCk-Eye.
A Chicago minister makes note OF
the fact that he has never seen lady
reading a newspaper in a street car
Well? He has never seen lady smok-
inc on a car platform, either, has he? 1t
simply goes to show that lady IS not
gentleman. Savannah Times.
"A woman forgot to send home some
work on Saturday. On Sunday morning
she told a little girl who lived with her
to put on her things and take the bundle
under her shawl to the ladies house.
..Nobodv will see il" she said. ''But
is it not Sunday under my shawl,
aunty?'' asked the child,
--"Why do they call him brake
man?" asked the child, after that excel
lent official had looked in at the car door
anu FnOliGIGu OuE VI luC ONe-
e.What does he break?'' ''He breaks
the silence said the father, and the
train rolled on, laden with truth
Bttrdette.
That's nice overcoat you have,
said a swell to his friend. Think SOP"
he queried. "Well, I'm glad you like
it. ssNew style, isn't it?'' ''No; L
that is, I don't know" anyhow,
where did you get it?'' 80, say, look
here. now, you're asking too much; but
I'll tell you if you WON'T give me away"
.'All right '.Wel. sis and | swappe.
ulsters this. season. That's what's the
How often does the sferry-bost
minutes. num- ..How long IS it since
the boat left here2'' .'Tin minutes.
num- Lady waits ten minutes and
then says: Didn't you say the boat
starts every fifteen minutes?" Il did,
num- ssWell, have waited here ten
minutes since YOU said the boat had been
oone ten minutes '.Yes, mum"
9.Then how do you make out that it
starts every fifteen minutes?" ''Why,
Won see. mum, it starruts from this soide
| wan fifteen minutes and from the other
soide the next. Brooklyn Eagle.
why did you take that pair OF Law
ender-colored pants from the store OF
Nose 4 Schaumburg?'' asked Justice
Gregg of colored culprit. II amt to
| bland, Jedge.''. +. ssWho is to blameg'
..sMy oldanRdder am to blame, Jedge- !
took dem ar pants TO save her life :
..How sop ''She am mighty proud Oh
me, Jedge, becase I'm her only son, an
she would hab worried herself plum to
def if she had seed me wild my old pants
on; so to keep her from worryin' herself
to def, jess bought desc heah pants on
credit Ninety days in the county
iail,''. interrupted the Justice. = 1erd'
.Sftti71qS.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
Sinout the nost dlscouraglng thlng
11Kfc,, pct

The weary husband as he proceeds
to take down the clothes-line, uncon-
sciously trips over a croquet arch, and
from the bottom of his feet wishes he
were where the wickets cease from
troubling. E cchalsqe-
Mike to Patrick: "Did yez ever see
a flying fish, Pat?' Patrick. (with
look of wonder): s.Fve seen illustrations
of 'em, but never an original" Mike
Earnestly: .'Oh. I've seen wan alive.
but it was stuffed. >
-"Please tel me what the time is?''
asked little boy of an apothecary. who
was much troubled by such inquiries.
''Why, | told you the time but mo-
ment ago." snapped the apothecary.
- Yes, SIR, said the boy, ''but this is
for another woman. - Chicago Tribune
"A colored porter in an Austin store
asked the proprietor for days leave of
ab ence. What up now?' Oars
a colored man gwine ter git married
and | oughter be present ter see him
fru." .'Who is this colored man at
whose wedding you have to be presents"
Use de one, boss. .''-TsrGs StftillgS-
1--we lost patient said doctor,
sitting down to a boarding house dinner
table, with frown On his face as dark
as a gunpowder poultice. g am sorry
to hear it. Man or woman?' asked one
of the borders. Man. ''When d d
he die9" die, hang him, mes not
dead. He stopped taking my medicine,
got well and ran away without paying
the bill -Arkansa0 TraUetler.
"A little girl had been playing in the
street until she had become pretty well
covered with dust In trying to wash
it off she didn't use water enough to
prevent the dust rolling up in little balls
upon her arms In her trouble she APP
piled to her brother, a little older than
herself, for the solution of the mystery.
1t was explained at once-to his salts
faction at least '.Why, sis, you re
made of dust. and if you don't stop
you ll<wash yourself all away" This
opinion, coming from her elder brother,
was decisive, and the washing was dis
continued. Detroit Post.
-..Never mind what you thought,
SIR roared the lawyer to the difuslve
witness, ..and never mind what you be-
lieve Just tell the court what you
know" " LverythingP" asked the wit
ness. Yes. everything; it won't take
YOU more than five minutes, l guess.
q Well, then," said the witness, cheer
fully. ''Pll just begin with that little
scrape you had down in Swede Prairie
last winter, when old Elder Newkins
fired you out of his smoke-house when
you-' But here the witness was
sternly stopped by the shrieking lawyer
and the solemn Judge, the court inform
ing him that no one was allowed to be
funny or mean in court except the law
vars
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
The SnOb Family.

Mr.. and Mrs. Snob and little Snob mus
have fresh air and recreation out of town.
1t is sometimes their pleasure to show
their fine clothes and diamonds at a
costly hotel. But there are times when
Mr.. SnOb wants to economize. He re-
fleets thatif he goes with his family to q
lesser boarding house there is no law
preventing them from sitting on the
portico of the big hotel. airing their style
and picking their teeth as if they regu-
larly paid their bill to the diamond
mounted hotel clerk. Topick their teeth
in public is an uncOuth and ungentle-
manly trick. but Snob does it in sight of
all men, and is deeply conscious of his
Importance while he does so. As he
walks the halls of the popular hotel OF
lounges in its Office or bar room, he con-
graduates himself that he is putting on
considerable style at small expenses;
When Mr.. Snob ming les with his fell
low w-boarders at the less pretentious hos
telry he carries with him the air of one
who belongs at a much more stylish
place. He looks down on the rest of the
company as of very little account 1t is
for him and his party that the house is
managed and for their comfort and en-
>
the best chairs and the choicest corners
of the portIcoes are created. His family
assert their superiority over the others by
gathering themselves into a little group
and refusing to associate with ANYBODY
else From behind the .hSrricade ottSm
sfVess sNp ~
the habits and7'lie genealoS
III -.
whisper severe remarks about others
and show by the upturned nose, the
winking eye or the pouting lip that they
are taking note Ofthe sayings and doings
of those who, instead of being made like
themselves, or porcelain are made of or
dinary clay.
When Snob and his family 90 home
there is n sense of relief at the boarding
house. The rest of the boarders CRATE
fully realize that they are no longer the
subjects of inspection or the victims OF
unfavorable criticism. They can wear
what they please, without being annoyed
by having it intimated that the goods
with which Mr.. Snob has provided his
family are more costly or in better style.
They can eat their meals in peace, with
out worrying over the probability that
the Snobs will take away their appetites
by saying or doing something unpleaS-
ant. The servants are glad, for the
Snobs are difficult people TO wait on,
and are always complaining about some
thing or other. Yet the family will al
ways be more or less present at summer
resorts. Their presence must be en-
dured, like that of the mosquitoes
Times.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

The Thames Church Mission Society
has fitted out smack for nse in convert
ing the North Sea fishermen.
- Education is the only interest worthy.
the deep, controlling anxiety of the
thoughtful man. Wendell Ptttlips.
The first colored Baptist Church in
dedicated. 1t is located in Pittsburgh.
Language lessons have been intro
duced in the St. Louis public schools
with the intention to cultivate in the
public schools scientific precision of
statement.--St. Louis Globe.
The School Board of Liverpool.
Eng, after full discussion. have decided
to use novels occasionally instead of or
dinary reading books in the public
schools. A beginning will be made with
some of Scott's works.-N Y. Sun.
The State of Michigan has now 239
Congregational churches. During the
past year ten new churches ssers organ
szed. and the total nnembership Is t.
957.--D Detroit Posi-
An exchange remarks: = Eatonton.
Ga, has population of 1,400. and by
actual count they are only siXty-six per-
sons that have attained the age of dis
eretiou who are not members of some
church
There is a marked increase of at
tendance at religious services in Ediu-
burgh, Scotland, since a leading Pres
byterian preacher induced nianY em-
ployers of labor to give mechanics a
half-holiday onsaturdey
The abolition ofYrecess in the Al
bany public schools, and the change Of
school hours to sessions of 4rorn nine to
half-past eleven in the morning, and
from a quarter pastone to hah-pastthree
in the afternoon, have provedso success
full an experiment that the board has
made them permanent. Physical, moral
and social results have all been excel
lent Albany IN. y journal.
The good old ''birch" times are
coming back again. At late meeting
Of the trustees of the college at Mill
edgeville, n. c., it was resolved that
whipping was aproper means 10 enforce
discipline when necessary in the primary
and preparatory departments. The
trustees believe that children are like
postage stamps-you must lick 'em well
to make ,em stick to their letters.
The two largest dioceses of tho
Roman Catholic Church are presided
soversbsstwo Bishops whose names are
OiConnor. One is the Right Rev. Mich
ael o. Connors, Bishop of Australia, the
other IS the Right Rev. James o. Connor,
Bishop of Omaha. These two clergy
men met recently by accident in salt
Lake City and passed several hours to-
gether.- Chicago Herald.
"A wealthy person died in Union
Springs, Cayuga County, n. Y, the other
day, and in her viii left $4,000 to be
used in building a Baptist Church, the
church to be built within certain time,
or the money turned over to the Baptist
State Convention. The church Is now
being built, although it has but one male
member and several females. This vii
make the eighth church in the village
which has population of but l'20O.-
~ Y, Hsxdld.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20


sixteenth Street called the 1licenlan on
officer to lace our - ,.irt, a it
took him until January, Is.
..Nhat was in the letter. he asked.
Il viii read it. 1t beghs: My dear
friend, and goes on to say shat the
writer has fallen in lovewith my red
cheeks, sparkling eyes and dimpled
chin"
He must be a blind mn,'' bluntly
observed the officer. II ion't see any
red cheeks or dimples."
Perhaps you don't, sir she coldly
replied, ''but / viii read further. he
says that my image is constantly before
his eyes. and that 1 am thesubject of his
dreams. :"
..Well, that's all right. " said the ofii-
Ger, 'unless he lets the image bother his
eyes when butcher-cart is around. lie
is evidently mashed"
.'And further down he says that the
sight of me getting off the street. car sends
a thrill through his whole system"
.'Very likely, madam-that is, if you
catch your foot and sprawl on the ground.
| think l know the old coon who wrote
that letter"
s.Old coonr
Eyes, an old Goldfish down here who
has had three wives and seventeen chill
dren.''
.sSir! how dare you imagine that he
would write to meP''
'sAnd L Il see that he is arrested.
mo, you won'ti l warn you not to
interfere in this case in any manner.
'.But l thought you wanted the guilty
punished?"
..Who said 1 did? 1 simply wanted
you to trace it out and give me the name
of the writer
$50 that you could prosecu te himP
s.No, sirl | wanted to know if he was
in earnest, and if he was-you see-you
KNOW would -"
you'd write him that if his conduct
was repeated you'd appeal to the law!i
Il think you needn't bother with the
case at allr1 she remarked, asshe swal-
lowed lump in her throat. s'You don {
seem that is you appear-that is, good
day. sirr' :,
'.And what she wanted of me, sald
the officer as he went back to his oeat'
s.was to assure her that some one really
wrote the letter in earnest and that ne
probably meant all he said. once sure
of that she would have answered IT, =
Detroit Free Press.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
Adulterated Opium.

Itappaars from chemical lnVesugatlon
that opium is generally worse evenetRap
it appears to be, from the IA CT mat on
account of its many deliberations It's
strength can only be guessed at Some
samples lately a Galyzed showed that over
a third of the mass was coHposeu Oh
c5ushed Hnseed. Other samples are
found mixed with liquoriee' cashew, Sc
same oils. gum arabic and tragacantn;
sand, vegetable earth, lead, starch and
animal excrement. A LOT imported INTO
England looked well, but contained only
two per cent. of morphine. bullets OF
Iy' leaves: tnbercIes Of helianthus, dahlia,
coiehicum and dried mushrooms are
found, the resinous character OF tne sub
stance being supplied by plentiful use
of pitch Turkish opium con.alils I rals-
wax. rosin and pulverized brick One
sample was made up of OPIUM clay and
dried excrement.- Y. sun.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20

Some men do write when they do wrong,
And some do live who dye:
Ard some are short when they are long
And stand when they do lie.
A man is surly when he's late;
Is round when he is square:
He die early and dilate.
And may be foul when '.fair."
He may be '.fasf'' when he is slow,
Aud "lo0se" when he is tight.
And "high" when he is very low,
And heavy when he's Eight"
He may be wet when he rs dry"
He may be '.sreat" when small:
May purchase when he won't go bys
Have naught when he has awl.
He may be sick when he Is ''swell,"
And hot when he is scold.
He's skilled so he on earth may dwell,
And when he's young he's sold.
-N0rriStoiCn Herald.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20

"A young lady, who is very heavily
insured by strangers in the matrimonial
insurance companies, on the report of
her approaching marriage went with q
friend into a dry-goods store last week.
She knew that the clerk who was wait
ing on her had invested a year 5 savings
in a policy on her coming marriage.
While examining piece of silk she said
to her friend, in an aside perfectly audi
BILE to the clerk: Since my engage
ment is definitely broken off | will have
no trosseau to buy. l think / might af-
ford this" When she turned to ask the
clerk the price he had tainted. N 7.
SIN
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
An advertisement in the freeman

An advertisement in the Freenaa,'s
Journal. Dublin, says: .Mrs- U Edge
has grown five sunflowers from seed from
Utica, Oneida County, America seven
feet four inches high, Leaf one foot IN
length and breadth. stem four AID half
inches in circumference; blossom, outer
edge orange with pale yellow centers,
circumference of the blossom OF sun
flower eighteen inches; they are spien-
did specimen of the sunhower, worthy
of cultivation as curiosity
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20

An astronomical observatory has
lately been erected by the Italian Gov
ernment on Mount Etna, above Ca
tanta, which is the highest inhabited
building in Europe, as it beats the St
Bernard Hospice by over !, 200 feet. 1t
has two stories, with spacious balco-
nies, and mas been built on a cone near
the summit of the mountain. The OBJ
servatory will not be touched by any
eruptions, as the lava always flows down
on the further side of the volcano
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
HUMOROUS.

"A gentleman, whose vocabulary
was mixed, wished to praise certain
lady reader Yes" said he, ''besides
being a very fine elocutionist, she has a
grest deal of ejaculation.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20

The murder of Joseph Scott, po-
liceman, in 1878, in Sacramento, Cal,
has Tor long time been shrouded in
mystery. 1t was stated some time ago
that three prisoners in San Quentin were
suspected of the crime. Thomas Ham
lton made full confession a few days
since, saying that he, Anderson,
O Brien and Eddie Edwards arrived il
Sacramento the day of the murder.
They came from Lincoln on a freight
train, and determined to rob some one.
They saw man on Seventeenth street
and two of them went to hang him up,
while the other two stood by to render
assistance, if needed. The man was
Police Officer Scott. He resisted and
tried to draw pistol, when Edwards
shot him. Edwards is not yet IN Gus to-
dy.-Sa7s Francisco BsIlkesiR-
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20

Prof. Riley. our national entomol-
ogist. tried an experiment upon crick-
ct the other day, which came out queer
". He cut the animal in two amid
ships, when the forepart turned upon
the hinder part and devoured it. Thus
the divided cricket was again united. =
Detroit Post
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
A Fruit Episode.

The chief editor unconsciously
munched away at his slice of watermel-
on. thoughtfully considering meanwhile
an editorial on scientific progress. He
ate deliberately and daintilY, and had
got half through the generous slice
when the idea that he was seeking
came to him. He picked up the pen
with one hand, and with the other ex-
ecuted a slow, graceful sweep that car
ried the half-eaten slice, weighing about
two pounds, out of the open window to
the sidewalk where a hurried throng
was He did not consider the hurry
ing throng. He was absorbed with his
idea.
Just at that moment there was
sound of footsteps on the staircase.
You would have thought that the in
conner was taking two steps at a time.
possibly three. The incomer opened
the outer door as if he were giant
powder cartridge, and the inner one
ike a cyclone. His voice was like a
bulldogs and his mouth had four cor
ners as he yelled. threateningly:
"Who done it?''
The chief editor beamed at him mild
ly through his glasses. The man had
a watermelon air about him that was
curious There were little hunks of
pink sticking closer than brother all
round his shirt bosom, and there was
some in his eyes, and his ears. and
everywhere. A big piece of rind pro-
truded above his second shirt stud, and
from his looks you would have thought
he had swallowed ripe watermelon
whole, and it had exploded and burst
through him. He appeared to be as
mad as the dickens.
''You are mistaken, my friend,' said
the chief editor, with think-of-the-
poor-heathen look. Watermelons are
prohibited in this office. In the Office
above, however, they eat them contin-
ually. l think you win find them at it
now
The man shot up stairs and blew
himself into the room over our heads,
while the chief editor locked both
doors and moved desk against the in
ner one.
IF he had seen them.'' he said.
pointing to some seeds on the desk, a
was a dead man. "-SGn Francisco
Wasp.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY,

oFFIcE-H BuIldIns, Clinton st.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
An Anonymous Letter.

A day or two ago a widow living on
Sixteenth Street called the nlieenian on
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20

GEORGE WARREN. Editor.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1882-10-20
CONTRARY REM.

Price of Subscription, SO.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-09-29
Eastern Merchants,
Our Competitors

The sparse and scattered condition of
the population on the Pacific coast has made
trading facilities small and limited, except in
few large towns and cities. People have
had to content themselves with the high
prices and poor assortments of the country
merchants. Within the last few years, how
ever, there has been a marked change and
we should hardly dare to guess how great
business is being done now THROUGH THE
MAILS with city dealers
his trade is largely shared by Eastern
Merchants. They are sending deliberately
illustrated Catalogues and Samples every
where. There is not hamlet on the coast
which is not getting its share Of these books
almost daily. With these Eastern Houses
we come in direct competition.
We too, are sending out thousands of
PRICE LISTS AND SAMPLES OF
GOODS, and we have reason to believe
that nearly all who get our books are
acquainted with these Eastern Merchants,
and regularly receive Catalogues, etc, from
them. WehaVenodOubt however, ofonefaCt
that our goods and pricesareconstantly being
put side by SIDE and carefully compared
with Eastern prices and Eastern goods.
Thus we have not only the merchants of
Sacramento for competitors, but others
much more powerful than they-those who
have the world for their market; and the
best proof that our prices and goods ARE
RIGHT, is the large increase of our trade from
individuals and localities formerly supplied
by New York, Philadelphia or Chicago
Dealers
What we have thus far written would
hardly be of interest to Sacramento people,
were it not for the fact that the goods which
are winning such a success for us in the
country are IDENTICALLY the same as those
sold over the counter, while our ONE
PRICE SYSTEM is guarantee that the
prices are the same. If we had two prices,
or if we did not sell outside of Sacramento.
the facts we have presented would be OF
little value; but, as it is, we think they
present reasonable proof of what we have
often said in regard to the advantages
gained in trading at this Establishment