The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-01-28
AS POINTED AS A PIN.

property oil the deceased that makes the
heirs fall out.
-"When the tide comesin, remark
ed smart young man at wedding re-
ception, as the new married couple en-
tered the room.
-"Acquires the confection" is the
Boston girls translation Of "Takes the
cake" Similarly "The proper caper"
becomes "The correct contortion."
They asked him If he was the best
man at the wedding. "No," he said
81 don't know as | was the best, but,
bejabers, was as good as any Of 'em !"
There was an old lady In Worcester.
She had three hens and rorcester;
She wore out her legs
Collecting the eggs.
This game old lady Of Wooster.
-"My mother is going to get new
piano." said one little girl to another,
the other day. "Oh, that's nothing"
replied the other. my mothers going
to get divorce"
Some Of the girls of the period are
parting their hair on one side. They
do this because they do not wish to look
like the soft young men who part their
hair in the middle.
-"Sweets to the sweet" said the fun
ny young man, as he handed the waiter
girl a faded boquet. "Beets to the
beat" returned the girl, as she pushed
him plate of vegetables.
"A case of bullying brow. "What
fine protuberant forehead your baby
has, Mrs. Jones. Did he get il from
his father p ''No," replied Mrs. Jones,
che 60, it from fall down stairs"
The devil must feel himself rubbed
down pretty thin when man becomes
so good that he won't let his milkman
cali on Sunday. There must be special
department in heaven for these men.
-Perils Of punning: The iacetious
postage stamp clerk who told man that
asked for two twos that this was not an
aesthetic post Office is now looking for
a new situation.-Defy0H Free Press.
An editor who speaks with the air
Of man who has discovered new fact
by experience, says that the new way to
prevent bleeding at the nose is to keep
your nose out OF other peoples bust
ness.
-"I've often heard OF the fruits Of
marriage" said Bubbles, when inform
ed that he was the father Of twins "but
| most seriously protest against having
those fruits presented to me in the shape
of pairs"
-Modesty in brass frame: A young
dramatist shows an acquaintance through
his gallery of family portraits. 'Lucky
dogs, those ancestors of mine !" he OBJ
serves, thoughtfully; "l've made name
for them. "-EIgaro.
During dearth Of news in a west
ern newspaper Office, the Office cat was
jammed in the job press, and the editor
Immediately set up the following head
lines: dreadful accident Nine lives
lost. "-boSfoH Bulletin.
-"Hellol Uncle Nose, hello !''-
cried Jim Webster as he hurried down
Austin avenue, trying to overtake the
old man. "Be keerful, Jeames, be keer-
full how you undress yo'self to me; |
amt no telephone" replied the indig-
nant deacon.
Gen. Carr is a good Indian fighter.
He's no parlor Carr.-Es. No; but
you're brave enough to deserve palace,
Carr.-.SaLem SUNBEAM. And when you
die you shall have a fine box, Carr -
.Sfe16sn,yXS HeyaM. Your kingdom for
a horse, Carr.-"Zom CySkaL," Hack
ensaek Repn6htaa. Your stock, Carr,
is rising. -EiTated Raiiacay Journal
AT a camp-meeting last summer, a
venerable sister began the hymn
"My soul DO on thy guard:
Ten thousand foes arise"
She began in a shrill quaver, but il was
pitched too high. "Ten thousand
ten thousand" she screeched, and stop
ped. "Start her at 5000 !" cried
converted stock broker.
"A nice time: "I've been to see
Mrs. Tittletattle, said Mrs. Telltale,
"and the way she ran on about you was
perfectly scandalous." $50 she's been
talking about me, has she !" asked Mrs.
Brown, quietly. ayes, indeed, she
has," replied Mrs. Teltale, with empha-
sis. "What nice time you two must
have had" said Mrs. Brown, with
sweet smile.
Good mature is the best feature in
the finest face. Wit may raise admira-
ton, eloquence lead the mind captive,
| Judgment command respect, knowledge
attention, beauty iniiame the heart with
love but good-nature has more pow
erful effect. Il adds thousand attrac-
tions to the charms Of beauty and gives
an air Of benefcence to the homeliest
countenance.
-Misapplied sympathy: "Poor
man," exclaimed the good Samaritan,
feeling for his loose change and deposit
ing a quarter in the tramp's extended
palm show my heart bleeds for you.
You will go and get something to eat
now1" "Not Immediately" answered
the grateful wanderer al stole bottle
Of whisky this morning and I've been
begging all day to try and get money
enough to buy acorkscrew. "-ByookbH
Eagle.
"A Misunderstanding "Do you be-
lieve in Bronson Alcott's theory Of
aesthetic eating 2" asked Boston lady
Of her Chicago aimirer. al don't
know what Bronson Alcott's theory Of
aesthetic eating is" he answered, "but
when I'm hungry, brace Of mutton
chops, some porterhouse steak, dozen
or two buckwheat cakes, four soft-boiled
eggs and a plate of hash make a meal
that is aesthetic enough for me-" "Yes.
yes, but you don't understand me-"
impatiently added his fair interrogation;
"Mr. Alcott's theory has reference to
persons, not to pigs. "-Byook6n Eagle.