Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-03-09


the opposite side of the street.--Free Press.
->~>--------
A VIRGINIA REBEL.-In five weeks wan
dering over Virginia, a correspondent writes,
l found but one rebel. She was woman liv-
ing near Harrison's Landing. 1t was a hot
day as l followed the track of McClellan's
retreat from Malvern Hill, and l was both
hungry and thirsty. The woman being at the
gate, rode up and asked: MADAME, can
get dinner here 20
'She saw the ''Yank' in ME quicker than
cat, and instantly replied:
"The Yankees stole all had to eat''
'tI'n pay you we'll"
<'But haven't got nuthin' to SELL"
''If you had some potatoes and bacon and"
'Yanks stole 'em all! !" she interrupted
'sBut you can give me drink of water,
can't you 20
''No, sir! The Yankees filled up the well
and carried away the dipper.''
lis there spring around here 20
''Used to be lots of 'em, but the Ianks
toted 'em off ~
Below us was the muddy James, and the
drought had lasted so long that there was
hardly enough water to float catfish. Point
ing to the historic stream, l asked:
s'Why didn't the Yankees steal the river,
too ?"
She scratched her head with a silver pulled
off the fence, and never unbent particle as
she replied:
They wanted to do it, stranger wanted to
the wust way, and when they diskivered that
it wouldn't load up worth cent they gallop-
ed their old gunboatS up and down and wash
ed so many shirts in Turkey Bend that the
Jeems has been ashamed to look a COW IN the
face ever since! May be you kin git a drink
down thar, but this 'ere neighborhoOd won't
cto nd 1,xya off the
bars Be lestle keerful how you paw
around 20
A METAPHYSICAL CoMBAT.--The great col
ored preacher of the Baptists is pitted against
the Methodist divine. The first says:
DE Methodiss, my bruddren, is like de
grasshopper -hoppin', all de time hoppln'--
hop into heaven, hop out, hop into heaV-
en-, hop out. But my brudden, de Baptlss,
when he get to heaven, he's dar. DE Baptlss
is like de 'pOSSum. Hunter get after him he
climb de tree he shake de limb, one foot gone !;
he shake de limb, anudder foot gone he shake
de limb, ebbery foot gone but tink you, my
bruddren, 'possum falls ? You know, my
bruddren-you cotch too many,you know
'possum hang on by tail, and de berry debbll
cant shake him off,
Then Methody fell below par i'll the cOlored
folks heart, until some time afterward, when
this particular belief again had admirers, for
the opposition clergy demolished the Baptist
as follows:
His text was: 'My sheep hears my voice
and I know them, and dey follows me-" Then
he said I'm de Bible de Christians is de sheep
He had heap of Bible in dat pint, and ne
preached mighty long time, and made dat so
strong no nigger can't dispute it. Now, my
bruddren and sisters, you all knows you can't
get a sheep into de water nOhow, less you
cotch him and carries him in.' Then Meth
ody had it's great and final triumph
A TRIFLE MIXED.--A fashionable young
lady visited a cooking school, the other alter
noon, where her attention was equally divided
between new dress worn by an acquaintance
and the directions for making a cake. Upon
returning home, she undertook to write down
the recipe for making the cake for her mother,
and the old lady was paralyzed when she read:
'sTake two pounds of flour, three rows OF pleat-
ing down the front, the whites of two eggs cut
bias, pint of milk ruffled around the neck,
half pound Of currants with seven yards OF
bead trimming, grated lemon peel with Span
ish lace fichu stir well, and add seml-fittlng
paletot with visite sleeves butter the pan
with Brazilian topaz neck lace, and garnish
with iceing and jetted passementerie: bake in
moderately hot oven until the overskirt is
and finish with large satin bows" Her moth
er said she wouldn't eat such cake, and she
thought these new tangled ideas in cooking
ought to be frOwned down.
4 MARROW EsCAPE.-"Boy, do you know
what that can contains - said tramp to a
lad who was hurrying along with tin pail
full of lager.
Beer" responded the STRIPPING, promptly.
Exactly" continued the tramp; land that
beer contains glucose, coculuS lndlcuS, corn
starch, rice meal and raw grape sugar, all
deadly poiSons, and enough to kill any man'
The lad set the pail down and moved off a
little from it, whereupon the tramp picked it
up and was raising it to his lips, when the boy
interrupted him to say
"Ain't you afraid Of it -
eyes it's dreadful to die this way, but |
don't care to live,'' and draining it empty
he handed the pail back.
''He's goner," muttered the lad as he
walked thoughtfully off. "I.ord, What mar
row escape dad had -
xS Jones held an execution against farmer,
and when he called for settlement, the agrl-
culturist took him out into big pasture, and
pointed out wild steer as the particular piece
of property that should be levied upon. Jones
chased the steer around for awhile, and then
sat down, and taking out his book, began to
write:
'sWhat are you doing there 2" asked the
granger.
"Charging mileage" replied the constable,
without looking up.
sDo 1 have it all to pay - gasped the
rancher.
''You bet.'
'Then take this tame hefer here. 1 can't
stand any such game as that"
a. Do YOU mean to call me liar ?" asked
one railroad man of another railroad man du-
ring a dispute on business they had on Austin
avenue yesterday. No, Colonel, l don't
mean to call you liar. On the contrary, L
say you are the only man in town who tells
the truth all the time, but I'm offering a re-
ward of twenty-five dollars and a chrome to
any other man who will say he believes me
when say you never lie,' was the response.
'Well, Pm glad you took it back replied
the other party, as they shook.
az Once upon time woman died, and, as
the mourners were carrying her to the grave,
they tripped against a stump and let the COT
fin fall She revived, having been only III Il
deep trance. Two years after she really died,
and as they were carrying her down the same
road and neared the same stump, the dlscon-
solate widower sobbed 'Steadily, boys
Steady there! Be very, very CAREFUL
g~A thief who robbed contribution box
the other day has repented. Heisnow obliged
to carry around with him several pounds OF
punched coins which no one will take.