Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-08-30
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE,
DOUBLE scull-race-tbe African.


DOES the night mail go by the bed
post?
RAINDRoPs on the roof" Of course
it drops on the roof That's what the
roof is for. Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
You may consider yourself much bet
ter than somebody else, but you can't
prove 1t to his satisfaction, anyhOw.-N
Y. World.
To be a good swimmer the mouth
should always be kept shut. Women
Statesman.
On ferryboat (and this, too, after
the boat left the dock): P. B.-"Ahi
Good morning! Going over ?" Friend
(curtly)-" Yes" P. B.-"So am %
A New HAVEN man has been arrested
for breaking a silk umbrella over his
wlfe's head, and the Danbury News IN
dignantly exclaims: "The extravagant
brute;
SOMEBODY once said "Noth1ng is
impossible to him who wills" We
would like to see that chap build a bar
rel around bunghOle.-Ne15 York
Commercial AdUertiser.
SOMEBODY writes us 1.-the BODY has
two buildings, two trees, two animals,
and two fish. Thus-two temples, two
palms, two calves, and two soles." Yes,
and tulips and toe nails.-BO8tOn Com.
Bulletin.
ARCHBISHOP WHATLEY was one day
asked If he rose early. He replied that
once he did, but he was so proud all
that morning ard so sleepy all that
afternoon, that he determined never to
do it again.
A JERSEY milkrnan turned pale when
several of his customers dubbed to-
gether and made him a present of
scarf pin in the shape Of a pump. It
was a cow-herdly act.-N. Y. C0nanaer-
ci0L Advertiser.
A DEALER advertises in an anglers
paper. j." Flies, reels, rods, tobacco,
whisky, and oil other requirements for
anglers" If the fisherman has a full
supply of tobacco and whisky, he might
dispense with rods and reels. Fish have
such queer tastes.
WHERE are you going anyhow"
asked an irate conductor on the Central
Pacific the other day Of "beat whom
he had kicked off five or six times, but
who always managed to get on again just
as the train started. well, " said the
fellow, "I'm going to Chicago, if my
pants hold out!"
A FRENCH officer said to q Swiss col
onel: Chow is it that your countrymen
always fight for money, while we French
always fight for honor?" The Swiss
shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I
suppose it is because people are apt to
fight for that which they need most
E|rchaqQe.
AN Arkansaw editor, In retiring from
the editorial control Of newspaper,
said: cit is with feeling Of sadness
that we retire from the active control of
this paper, but we leave our journal
with gentleman, who is ADLER than We
are financially, to handle it. This gen.
tleman is we'll known in this community,
He is the sheriff"
A CHICAGO man visiting Cincinnati
was being shown around by a citizen,
who said: CHOW let's go and see the
Widows Home" The Chicago man put
his finger to the side of his nose and
winked and said: "NOt n UGH [ won't.
I saw widow home once, and she sued
me for breach Of promise and proved it
on me No, sir, send the widow home in
a hack. ''-NeU Haven Register.
Tbs first white hair! A woman still
young in years held 1t up to the light
and gazed upon it with tender melan-
choly, for was it not harbipger of age
that must surely come to her should she
live and she thought she would? It was
the first white hair she had found in a
new red wig she bad bought few days
before and she was naturally mad about
it. Cincinnati SATURDAY Night.
NEAR the village of Kirkmansville, in
Todd County, KY, there lives a man
who has twice learned to walk, twice
learned to talk, is blind in one eye, is
deaf in one ear, is married to his aunt,
which makes him cousin to his children,
uncle to his brothers and sisters and
cousins, brother-in-law to his father and
mother, and-well, for further informa-
ton call on the gentleman himself.
"YoU make a mistake, sir. You set
too good table altogether. Now what's
the use of cucumber and huckleberry
pie right along for a dozen meals ?" CT
know it, [ know it, beamed the land
lord. 81 give 'em all the luxuries to
wunst. ;" But, my dear sir, think of
the cramps?" "Jess SO, jess so. But
Pm bound to get my guests into the
bedrooms, If I do cramp 'em some.
Mr.. BARNUM was at Block Island re-
Gently with party of English people
and other friends, and, as usual, P. T.
had made many friends with the chill
dren. "Do you know who I ana % said
he to lad in knee breeches. "No,
sir" said the little fellow. "Well, I
will tell you. [ am P. T. Barnum, the
great Snowman" ooh !" shouted the
juvenile, then you are Jumbo's papap
SOME persons can't understand why
matches shouldcost more now than they
did during the war, when everything
else was over fifty per cent. higher than
at present. 1t is easily explained. The
Delaware match crop was killed by the
cold winter that destroyed the peaches
there year ago. The report that the
increase in price was caused bv the war