The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1882-1884, 1882-09-21

I. ginning to break themselves of the
habit of holding up their hands
: every time stranger enters the car.
:. A doctor who went ont hunting,
on coming home, complained that he
hadn't killed anything. That's be.
, cause YOU did not attend to your
legitimate business" said his wife.
: 1t has been thought that Noah
sailed over America when he started
on that forty days go-as-you please
!, cruise, for it is recorded of him that
he looked out of the Arkansaw land
!, $50 Garibaldi is dead" said a
f avenue lady. Il remember his name
perfectly. because he invented those
Garibaldi waists we used to wear a
few wears ago. Some relation to
Worth, wasn't he q
81 guess dad wishes he'd die and
90 to heaven said a miser's son to
his maternal parent. "Why so ?"
. she asked. upon recovering from her
establishment. ooh, cause heavens
such cheap place to live in
A Yankee woman recently married
a Chine Sc laundry man. and in three
DAYS thereafter he unhappy celestial
appeared at a BARRIERS shop and
ordered his pig tail to be cut off.
saving. III explanation, ''Too muchee
yank.'
Sir" said vainglorious actor
to Charles Kean. at the Brighton
Theatre during a rehearsal, "vou need
not trouble yourself about me:
know the play backwards "Prob
ably you do was the reply: ''but
that is not the way I play it,
ssWhere do people 90 who deceive
their fellow men ?" inquired Sun
day School teacher. ''Sometimes to
Canada. but mostly they 90 to
! Europe" was the reply of a young
ster whose uncle had recently been
a trusted officer in a local bank.
When a lawyer was once stating |
his point for the twelfth time, the
judge interrupted him by saying !:
"You have made that point eleven
times already ''True your honor"
was the lawyers reply; "but there
are twelve men on the jury
81 should think that you would
feel badly about leaving this place."
said the housemaid to the departing
cook. II don't: Tn glad to go. l
al ut sorry to leave any Of vou-ex-
celot the dog. Poor Tiger. he always
washed the plates for me-
A nurse was telling about a man
who had become so terribly worn
out by dissipation that he could not
keep any food on his stomach. when
one of her listeners asked :''What does
he live on. then ?'' Con his relations,
ma am" answered the nurse. =
A tobacco hater says: Give. cigars
a day will supply family with -four"
Fogg says he buys half dozen CT
CARS some DAYS. but he doesn't find
it any easier to supply the family
witt, -four. for all that. He thinks
there must be a mistake somewhere.
1t is stated that arailroad brake
man has become an operate tenor.
and has been engaged for next season
at $500 week. He won't have to
learn the italian language, you see.
He has merely to speak his lines as
he does the Games Of the stations
and everybody will think he's speak
ing Italian.
.'Oh, ves." said Mrs. Brown, as she
surveyed with evident pleasure the
little parlor sideboard, covered with
old china and decorated with highly
colored hies MIR. b. remarked last
night that was becoming quite an
atheist" end the old lady,s counter
ance fairly beamed with delight as
her eyes rested On d sixteen cent
Japanese teapot.
An Austrian. man st arted in the
livery stable business last week, and
the first thing he did was to have
big sign painted. representing him
self holding a mule by the bride.
lis that Il good likeness OF me?" he
asked of al admiring friend. Eyes,
it is perfect likenss of you; but
who is the fellow holding you by the
bridle?''
Two ladies exchanging notes on
the method in which they spend the
day. "You see, always get up at
ten, and ring for my maid, and get
dressed" GLOW long does that take?''
"Oh,eve SO long. Yon see. the girl
takes a full hour to do up my hair
"A whole hour! Mercy! What do
you do while she is fixing it2' Il
ga out in the garden and take my
morning walk !''