The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1882-09-14
sPooPENDYKE GOES CRAB FISHING

Coming up the river, the other DAY. l saw a
middle aged gentleman ia plug hat and bust
ness suit seated in a scow beside an attractive
lady, feeling around among lot of strings pen
| dant nom the side of the boat, warning the lady
that she could not keep too quiet.
Now, my dear observed the gentleman,
don't you move, because feel a crab on this
| line I'll pull him in until he is in sight, then
| you slip the net under him. See ~
Eyes, DEAR replied the lady, little frustra-
ted, as she contemplated her share of the per-
formanee. "But, Mr.. Spoopendyke what shall
/ do when get the net under him n
"Scalp him!' retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke
drawing slowly ON the line. Now, wait; he's
there" and Mr.. Spoopendyke became even more
cautious in his movements. ''See him, There
he Isl Scalp him qnickr
Mrs Spoopendyke jabbed the net into the
water, and swashed around with great vigor.
''What are ye doing!" yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, Strengthening mp and glaring at her, as
the crab struck line for Newark bay. "whatd
We suppose We was trying to catch, a church
Take it out! Give it here ~ and he grasped the
lady around the waist, and took the net away
from her.
''Did scalp him!D asked Mrs. Spoopendyke,
flushed with her exertian, and trembling with
excitement. "Show him to me! Let me see
what he looks iikew
"LoOks like ~ roared Mr. Spoopendyke. "Ho
looks like Sandy Hook, by this time, Why
didn't yon scalp HIM What's the matter with
you!"
al couldn't tell which was his head fall
tered Mrs. Spoopendyke, who hadn't seen any,
thing at all. ''Pull him up again, and You'll
see if don't scalp the last hair on his skuilr,
The English language lost its charm for M.
Spoopendyke, and he turned to his strings wiih
whitening look IF contempt for his wife
"NOw, you be careful he said ~ length
Here's another varmint, and You mustn't let
him get away. When / say scalp You shove
the net under him, and bring him aboard"
Can you see him yet r. asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, waving the net over her, head, and peer
ing INTO the wateI
"Wait! Yes, thers no rs, Cas~ft,l, remem-
Der; now scalpy'
He must lave been n crab of phenomenal
scholastic advantages to have gotten rid of that
swOOp, for Mrs. Spoopendyke with n view tn
retleelning herself went for the end of the string
blndiy, but with strength of purpose that
made failure impossible. She not only got the
crab, hut she slammed ret and all over Mr.
Spoopendyke's head.
''What-wah-h ~ slrieked that gentleman a,
he felt himself in,i.onnded.
Lost him again :! exclaimed Mrs. Spoopan-
dyke. who hadn't the remOtest idea what crab
looked like why, dear, what's the awful big
spider in ihe net. Good s.raciausr
TAKE il off" howled Mr.. Spoopepdyke.
Take it-yow. the thing has got me by the
ear, Haul him of, will yef'
Mrs Spoopendyk Ike dropped the handle of the
net as if IT were an old fashioned bonnet, and
gazed upon her husband in CONSERVATION
tearing the net away. Let go, you brute
Wha-ha ~ and the unfortunate man wrenched
the fish from off his and dashed it in the
bottom of the boat. What's your scheme in
doing that y he demanded, holding his ear wish
one fist, and shaking the other at bis sIse.
Think You've got to eat Them Efgkt ont Of
the water Got 4 psisfoE. sha4t he come up
G Se,1f od ans VA SSt pm VIZ down quick or
beyead all control by the carnage that trickled
down his fingers 'sWhat dye mean by il ~ and
be sprang into the air, and alighted on the I'M
happy crab, slipping up and sprawling full |
length in the bottom Of the boat.
Was that a crab, dear" asked Mrs Spoop- |
endyke, assisting her husband to arise and |
contemplating the mangled fish with anything
but favor. at that what Eou call a crab' / |
thought
lyon tbought,' ripped Mr. spoopendyke,
kicking at the bewildered crab. That's the
trouble with you-you think Did We think / /
was going TO stand there and let that crab chew
ON my ear till his legs achedf Praps We thought
he was Whispering to me. May be We thought /
be was telling NE funny story. Well, he J
wasn't. and if he was, his voice was so boats. / I
couldn't enjoy it. Ye thousht, did We ~ .sneaied
Mr. Spoopendyke, his wrath rising, - the pain
and fear snbsided; Thought = y1s6 talked with
ms toes, like some Npinsn shrnk, did YET Oh,
you thought! If Dad siich a head as that, I'd ,
md start a feIaale boa.ding school! With y0ar
ability to think, You O9ly need squint and
our lon@ words to be a CO9cord school of phi.
osaphy p and Mr.. Spoopendyk Ike plunged the oars
hto the water, and began to row vigorously.
''Where you gtJng, dear ~ asked Mrs.
spooPendyke, timidly, after her husband had
pulled hard for souas tr,ae
"Home" grinssa Mr.. Sppopendyke, with a
horrible expression Of visage. .Tm going home
o show the people how much damage a rusti-
atlng ldios asylum can do with one measly
rab, when she pins herself down to it."
"Of coarse, assented Mrs Spoopendyke hum