The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1882-01-07
Miscellaneous Items.

TWENTY churches in New York use the
revised version Of the New Testament
HERE ls one town in Connecticut that has no
fear of the measles It's Haddam
GRACIOUS, wife =" said a father as he looked
at his Williams torn trousers, ''get that little
Bill reseated." And she replied, - So | will.
FOUND AT LAsT.-A boot and shoe shop hangs
out the sign - Cast iron lasts. We all know 1T
does, but we DON want any boots made of it.
Ii CANE AT LAsT.-Old Deacon Dobson always
boasted that he was " prepared for the worst,
aud his Deghbors thought he got it when he
married his second wife
The London Quarterly ReOieio has criticism
of the version of the New Testament, which
charges that it is full of errors and not near 80
accurate the old version.
A WOMAN just married, wishing to impress her
husband with her abilities a housekeeper,
bawled out to the servant, he entered the door,
'' Matilda, bring the wash board | want To
wash the potatoes for the dinner
TOMMY" said u mother to her seven-year old
boy, "you must not interrupt me when am talk
ing with ladies. You must wait till we stop
and then you can talk" 4" But you never stop"
retorted the boy.
Pray, Mr. Lecturer y asked lady, . what
is q perIphrass y '' Madam, it is simply
cumlocutory and pleonastic cycle of oratorical
sonorosisy. eircumscribing an atom of ideaiity
lost in verbal prolundity. - Thank you, sir.
A CLERGYMAN in Scotland preached Il few Sun
days ago, from the text a. II ye do not repent, ye
shall likewise perish The wife of farmer,
who was present. went home and told her hus
baIad that the text was - Ii you don t pay rent,
yoa shall leave the parish
90 yes said Mrs. Brown, she surveyed
with evident pleasure her parlor sidebOard.
covered with China. and decorated with highly
culored tiles ~ Mr. B. remarked last night that |
was becoming quite an atheist, and the old
lady's countenance fairly beamed with delight as
her eyes rested on a sixteen-cent japanese teapot
WHY do the French eat less ,han any other ma
tiou ? Because one egg is always I'm cut for
them.
The strongest man living-the man who moves
the house by his tears.-IIow about the farmer
who moved o cord of wood by his steers?
CHARLES Augustus was on his knees to his girl,
telling in poetry, and prose, and melody, and
song, etc., how much he loved her, and what she
was TO him, when he choked up and stopped.
'Ah,' she remarked in ptying voice, - think,
dear Charles Augustus, that you are too fool Tor
utterance."
WE have heard OF - ostrich farming but we
never have thought of cayman cultivation. We
notice from exchange that IN some OF the
Southern States alligator farming is being carried
ON somewhat extensively. The demand Tor alt
gator leather in Europe has given tic industry a
r1reat impetus, and many thousands oi skins have
eIready been exported. Erstwhile tha profession
al VOCATION of tending the gentle caynan was con
fined 20 ten or twelve persons, who we're laughed
Now hundreds are engaged III the WofN' anu are
reapiug large profits.
when was young man, was always in a
hurry 20 hold the big end OF the log and do all
the lifting now | am older, l seize hold OF the
small end and do all the grunting.
A COUPLE OF lawyers engaged in 4 case were
racently discussing the issue. " At all events,
sold the Younger and more enthusiastic, - wt
have instice on our side To which the Older
and warier replied - Quite true but what VT
want is the Chief Justice on our side.
The great catalogue of printed books whict
tba authorities of the British Museum propose t
issue will at the of FIVE volumes a ycar-al
the Government grant will permit-take fort.
veors IN complete. The catalogue will cOmpris
about 100000 of titles, and the estimate 10
co,oposition alone is about 10000. y singl
tonv of the catalogue when completed will cos
subscribers Sun
Tvrp.Ry NoTE-A d. f. Randolph & co
have published an autobiographical sketch en-
titled Lite in Hawaii by the Rev. IItus CHan
Besides the story OF the veteran labors Tor I"rs
Eve wears (IS35-l8SO) in his own field, chaptsT
"a and IA describe his visits To the cannIba
Varonesans and other chapters contain grap1i
descriptions of the Hawaiian volcanoes, and I
their great eruptIons. The book l. record
an unusually varied and successful lite work
Uvpu1T CRABs-The - hermit crabs, IN
e-nstacean Diogenes of our coasts, each eI
aconced in a cast of shell tor it's - tub, al
dcc,dedIy queer crabs in many aspects Oi the
existence. Morally and mentally, so to speaI
they are erratic. They are much given to sa sa
0uinsry encounters, and are erocIous ana vi
3ictiye enough as may be seen when TWO herm
crabs happen to light upon the same morsel
food Then comes the tug OF war; ana q
combat may only be terminated by the strong
dragging off not merely the morsei but the Doc
of the vanquished along with it, the victim ha
ing pulled his tenacious rival out OF his she. shell
nresent zoologically a kind of halfway hou
between the true crabs and the Holsters and the
long-tailed neighbOrs. The hermit does n
nossess the we'll developed tail of the lobster, b
e esn boast of a much superior tail TO the "ra
This tail, however. is soft and unprotected
Pagurus. as the hermit is named sup;
appendage and body into the cast-on shell g o'
whelk OF periwiukle adheres to the shell
certain small 80 feet - at the tip OF his taIi' a
mo Ses the outer world at large when wIthdra'
turned to the GtnsSSSsnb by placing the bigger oil ms
this date N-se Of bis dOmici
HO2ouIu, Sept. 2, 1881 az