Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-09-21
HUMOR.


Ladies Home.
The crews of schooners find it impos-
sible "for man to serve masters"
"John, did Mrs. Greene get the med
icine ordered?' said doctor to his
hired man. 81 guess so, for l saw Grape
on the door this morning"
81 don't ask any mans advice" said
big bump Of selfesteem. II do my
own thinking" Yes" said Fogg, II
should think you might, and not be
greatly over-worked, ether.
EYES," he said, "Tll have the
plumber come up to the house to-day.
Not that there is any trouble with the
drainage, but our cook is sort of dis
contented and We don't want her to
leave, and maybe being courted four
hours will make her less restless.
A young girl, being asked recently,
as she returned from the circulating
library with the latest novel, if she had
ever read Shakespeare, tossed her pref
ty head, and answered; shakespeare +?
or course | have. / read that when it
first came out"
A stranger called at forty eight diff
ferent houses in Cleveland and asked,
SIS the boss homer There was no
man at home in any one instance, and
yet forty-seven of the young women
promptly replied, Eyes, sir-what do
you want? ?"
Your Honor and gentlemen of the
jury, | acknowledge the reference of
the counsel Of the other side to my
gray hair. My hair is gray, and it will
continue to be gray as long as live.
The hair of that gentleman is black
and will continue to be black as long
as he dyes"
At the watering places, when a girl
keeps up filtration with two beaus,
they say she drives a tandem, and
tandem Irritation is described as pecu-
liarly exciting and difficult. The great
difficulty is in so arranging the blinKers
that each arrival may imagine that he
is IL single harness.
John, what is that peculiar smeli?'
asked a mans wife as he was trying to
steal into bed without waking her,
about 2 o'clock a. m. "That is the in
cense we use in the lodge.room, my
dear; it exhales-it exhales--" Eyes,
| know now" she interrupted-XX
ales."
The obliging visitor to show that he
really is fond of children and that the
dear little one is not annoying him in
the least, treats the kid to ride upon
II A.,
you like that my boy? Is that nice?"
Eyes, sir" replies the child, "but not
so nice as Oh the real donkey-the one
with four legs"
Arab Bey 20 his adjutant before re-
firing for the night: "You have re-
ceived the reports from the different
commands?' Adjutant-"r have"
Arabi-"Our soldiers are securely tied,
hand and foot?' -"They
are" Arabi-"Mash Allah! | shall
then have an army to fight with in the
morning"
GLOW are the colore. voters coming
on out on the Onion Creek?' asked an
Austin candidate of darby with a
load of hay. "Dar's heap ob sick
ness ont dar among de colored folks"
what is it, malarial2' 81 reckon OATS
de name Oh de stuff. II am sutfin
what he got from the druggery shop"
"What stuff are you talking about?'
Ode stuff white man puts IN his
water-millions to keep de colored
folks from mistaken EN- from dar own
water millions"
| often cross the street to avoid
meeting man." said Mr.. Beecher,
mot because | have anything against
him, but simply because | do not feel
like speaking to him. | suppose all
men are this way" Yes, nearly all
men are that way, Mr.. Beecher, and
We are glad that you have mentioned
the subject, for 1t gives Us a chance to
agree with a great man. We some
times cross the street and climb a
fence to avoid meeting man, not be-
cause we have anything against him,
but because he has something against
us; a bill, Mr.. Beecher.
In the steam-car the other day was
bright little four-year-old lady. An
elderly gentleman few seats back
every time the little one turned
around, would shake his finger, OF
duck his head, or "cluck," or do some
one of the score of things that are sup
posed to be especially pleasing 10 the
babies. The little girl answered these
kindly attentions with q vacant stare
until, apparently surfeited and grown
tired of them, she exclaimed in a voice
loud enough to be heard through the
car. "Mamma, / really believe that
old fool is trying to make love to me.
The colored people are very eager 70
take advantage OF their educational
opportunities, and having once learned
to write never lose an opportunity of
expressing themselves in black and
white. Malvina, the colored "cook
lady" of white Austin family, insisted
on handing in every day an itemized
account of her expenditures at the
market and here is sample memo
randum:
Osten, Angus 9teen.
One scent soop bone. ........... 10 scentces.
Two 10 scent loves OF bred ......... 80 scentees.
quarters wuf of termatersus. 80 scentces.