St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-09-01
SQuilDS.

In Leadville church there is this
notice: "Please do not shoot the or
ganist; he is doing his best"
We have forty six rear admirals un-
der pay. The rear of the navy seems
to be well protected Lowell Courier.
A little boy, once page, but now in
the graveyard, has been assessed by
Jay Hubbell. The little boy need not
pay it. He will not lose his place.
eyes," said Morgan, ''thc gentleman
you speak of is very agreeable, as you
say. | found him one of the most
agreeable men | ever met. He doesn't
say much."-[ Lowell Citizen.
Our Continent refers to itself as an
'illvstrated" weekly magazine. This
pecvliar vse of the letter ''vn in place
of ''u' on the gvano-colored cover is
the only distinguishing featvre of the
publication. The nvmber for August
is already ovt.
1t is rumored that Bob and Charles
Ford, the slayers of Jesse James, will
enter William Jewell College, ut Lib
erty, Mo-, next year, and take a full
collegiate course. They had some no
tion of entering Yale or Harvard, but
have given it up. They say Yale and
Harvard boys are too rough.
Conkling has not got over the effects
of his resignation yet. He reminds one
of woman at a crowded French coun-
try theatre, who fell from the gallery
to the pit and was picked up by one of
the spectators, who, hearing her grOan
ing, asked her if she was much injured.
"Much injured! !" exclaimed the wo-
man. 81 should think am. have
| lost the best seat in the very middle of
| the front row"
"Guess we're all right now ~ puffed
the old gentleman as, mOpping the per
spiratiOn from his forehead, he reached
the steamboat landing with his wife
just i'll time to be too late; "guess we're
all right Guess we're all right, do
You ?" rejoncd she, catching "A glimpse
of the steamer as it disappeared around
IA bend in the river. Guess we're all
right, Well, | guess we're all left ,"and
they were Detroit Free Press.
A Jerseyman went to Mauch Chunk,
Pa, to spend his vacation, and during
the first night three old hens, which
had gone to TOOst on IL tree outside his
bedroom window, were disturbed by
cat and flew into the apartment. The
Jerseyman awakened, and slashed apl-
low around until the bewidered fowls
found their way out. The next morn
ing he told his host that he should
come there every summer, for during
the whole night he had seen but three
mosquitoes.
A drunken Florida man was killed,
while lying in a swamp, by a swarm of
mosquitoes alighting upon him and
draining out his life-blOOd." But
funny thing happened to the mOsqui
tOs a few minutes afterward. They
began to howl and dance and call each
other congressman and other opprObri-
Gus epithets, and pass river and harbor
bills, and finally formed a ring and en-
gagged in a disgraceful prize fight, and
sang 1--WE won't go home (hic) till
mOrnin'." 1t is supposed that eighty
, per cent of their victims blood was
whisky.
Resort tnOte.-FendersOn was at the
hotel. Everything went comparative
" well till he came to 90 to bed. One
glance of that aggregation of sticks,
straws and a handful of illsmelling
hens feathers convinced him that that
bed was no iowny bed of ease. SO he
called up the landlord and i'll his hasty
way exclaimed, "LOOk here, ! can't
sleep in that bed !" "Why, my dear
man" replied Boniface, quite cOolly, 81
didn't suppose yOu could. More than
/ 30 persons have already tried it, but 1
never heard of any one of them sue
- ceeding." And leaving Henderson
>. dumfounded the landlord ambled of,
remarking something about some peo-
D pie being so awfully particular.-l Bos-
ton Transcript.