Connecticut western news., 1882-10-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

BEAUTY and Bashfulness are often united. Yet the prettiest maiden is ad- mired for her cheek.
 MUoK is another name for peat.- Dana's Geology. Then Peter must mean mucker.- YaLe Record, Revised.
 PROHIBITION IN Iowa: The prohibit ory law is q terrible shock to Iowa drunkards. Itquite takes their breaths away.
 You probably can't remember ever having seen man with glass eye, yet one New York firm sold 29,000 of the false optics last year.
 GEORGIA has some cork trees large enough to cut and use, but there IS no demand for corks in that State. The popular fashion is to use corn cob to stop @ jug.
 WHEN 8 real shrewd Virginia farmer wants big tree chopped down and cut up, he tells the neighbors that there's coon in it and they'll have it down in ten minutes. --Boston Post.
 A NEW COLOR is called "four o'clock" If it's the color of 8 mans nose as he goes meandering home about four o'clock in the morning, it must be mighty brilliant shade of red.-BoSton Post.
 ONE reason why they call it the har- vest moon is because it appears about six weeks after the floods or droughts have reduced the yield of the harvest down to the point where nobody cares whether there is moon or not.
 "THERE is nothing like settling down." said the retired merchant confidently to his neighbor. "When I gave up busI- ness I settled down, and found l had quite a comfortable fortune. If had settled up should not have had cent"
 MRS. BANKS, an Indiana woman, bought some poison for rats. wrote the word ''poison" on it four times, hid it on the top shelf in the pantry, and yet the hired girl used it for baking powder within week. Detroit Free Press.
 THE man who has been lifelong subscriber to paper, and who never misses reading every line of every issue, invariably begins his reply to an article with: "My attention having been called to an item in your issue of the -th," etc.
 A VISITOR to @ baby show down in
 Maine thus sums up his conclusions
 "For pure, unadulterated foolishness
 about baby, father can 'outfoolish ,
 all the rest of the family-yes, and l. will throw in the grandmother on the , mothers side, too."
 THE artist watched the forest, . Agow with gold and red, And, in burst of rapture Most gushingly he said, 1T like this dreamy picture, It makes my soul elate- , Twill bring me twenty dollars ! When painted on & plate."
 Puck. A LOVING PoPULAcE: First Russian
 officer-'sDo you think the coronation
 will pass off peacefully?" Second ditto -"Thlnk? I am sure it will. The : czar was never more popular than he is z at thls moment. Why, the people are
 ready to exalt him to the skies." First Q oficer-"I know but they may do it r with dynamite. ."-French Fun. f. "YoU advertise that there is fine stream of water on the place, but don't
 see it" remarked stranger who want
 ed to rent the place. The landlord said
 "Just work that pump-handle @ little a and you will see fine stream of water. " You don't expect to have the Niagara |, Falls on the place for $15 a month, do |. you 2"-7e1as SEftings. '- THE excuse that an Iowa young man d makes for having engaged to marry two @ girls is that, knowing the fickleness oi
 the sex, he supposed that one or the Il other would jilt him, and he wanted to d be sure of a wife. But neither proved tt untrue, and, on his choosing between e them, the rejected one brings suit for d damages.
 '' AN Illinois woman recently discovered '' that Ter husband proposed to elope l. with the housemaid. Did she weep 5 and shed tears and kick up fuss? Not 10 bit of it. She just wrote letter pur- e porting to arrange for her elopement }. with neighbor, and let it fall into his @ hands. And it about drove him wild. e He fired the servant girl out of the a house and sat up all night with shot. l. gun to shoot the villain who was aftel
 his wife, and has been since then the 's most devoted husband in Illinois. No GAS BILLS: Speaking of spiritua '. consolation and the comforting assur ,r ance that the eternity of the just shal ! be blessed, Chicago clergyman told ,o story the other day that is worth print d ing. There was an old lady in hi church who was noted for her penuri in ousness as we'll as her piety, and whil'
 talking with her about her hope of thu
 hereafter he asked: "Mrs. S., dis 70 you ever stop to think what will grat " ify you most in heaven?" ooh, yes, 'a she exclaimed, Sit will be such 8 cheal a .a place to live in p'-Chicago Inter ,- Ocean.
 re A LITTLE ROCK newspaper man whil nt out in the country stopped at rude farm t.. house for dinner. Thinking that hi as profession would insure extra attention D. he remarked to the farmer "Needn' rs put yourself to extra trouble for me, fo