Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1882-03-10
CAPTAIN TILLERs WOOING.


Captain Seth Tiler, returning from his
weekly fishing voyage in his good barque
Ticker, was surprised to find his domicile
shut up and deserted
Still more surprised was he upon being in
formed by sympathizing neighbor who de-
livered to him the door-key, that his sister
Nancy. who had since his mother death been
his sole housekeeper had formed a sudden at.
tachment for a travelling tinman in a neigh
boring town, and had on the previous day
gone off with the same on his wagon. Nancy
left her love and good piece of roast beef
ready for her brother, together with a mes
sage TO the effect that 'she hoped he would
think better of it, and come and see her and
Joseph, which nothing would please them
more"
Never" said Captain Seth Tiller, wrath
fully. "Let her be satisfied with her Joseph,
since she was foolish enough to leave a CON-
Portable home for the sake OF getting married.
just like women the whole world over! Well,
let her go. | don't keer A woman aint
worth much anyhow, and l guess l can get
along without EN-"
This was said aloud, partly as a relief TO his
feelings and partly for the benefit Of his next
door neighbor, Miss Hesper Bttings, who sat
at her window in visible enjoyment of his
chagrin. And then, to show his indepen-
dence of women, Captain Seth straightway
set about preparing his evening meal.
"Any fool can make bread" he said to him
self. And putting quantity of -four in a pail
he went to the hydrant in the back yard and
let on ita stream of Woodworking the whole
into a soft, sticky paste, which with great
difficulty he finally got from his hands into
cold bake pan, which he then put into the
stove.
Such triAes as yeast and shortening never
occurred to him
Then he put about a cupful Of ground oof-
fee to two cups of cold water, and set it on
the stove to boil, after which he looked after
the cold beef But the rats had been there
before him and Captain Seth, with a few ex-
pressive adjectives, flung the meat out of the
kitchen window to his dog Pickle.
'Ill have boiled fowl, guess" said he
as his eye fell upon Nancy's couple of rather
ancient pullets stalking forlornly about the
premises. And after prolonged and excit-
ing chase, in which Pickle rendered effective
service, one of the unfortunate fowls was
run down, decapitated, plucked on the spot,
and summarily plunged into pot for boil
ing.
II is due to the Captain to say that the idea
of cleaning the fowl had never occurred to
him, else, doubtless, that important matter
would have been attended to.
Poor Captain Tiller He never suspected
hnJlulnR WEOuk ullll ut dlltlupltu " ldhd
the putty-lke mass of dough from the oven,
and to cut into the boiled fowl. And then
bread aud fowl followed the beef. And if any
thing could have added to Captain Seth's bit
terness of feeling, it was hearing the derisive
laugh of Miss Hesper Bittings, who had wit.
messed the whole of his proceedings in the
back yard, and also beheld the exit of the
savory viands through the kitchen window.
Not that Miss Bittings or Captain Tiller
were msliciously inclined by nature. Theil
natural enmity had originated in a feud be
tween Captain Seth's terrier, the afore- men
toned Pickle, and Miss Hesper's tortoise-shel
cat, Pink Pink was partial to taking hei
oon-day siesta on the top Of palings separat
ing the two lots, which proceeding Pickle re
garded as an intrusion upon his persona
rights, and resented accordingly. The LADY
took part with her cat, and the Captain es
poused the cause of his dog. Captain Setf
called Miss Hesper a spiteful cat, and she re-
torted by informing him that she and tina
other dog" were the pests of the neighbor
hood Hence the bitterness of feeling be
tween the two.
The Captain went out and got an eIpensiv,
and unsatisfactory and badly cooked supper
at the only public house in the little seafarin(
town where he resided. He came home COLI
and miserable, and unable to find the match
es, groped his way to bed in the darkness
The morning brought no comfort. There wer
things to be set TO rights, chores to do, pot
and pans to be secured, his clothes to b
mended and washed and Captain Seth look
ed around with a sort of despair. For tn
first time in life there dawned upon his mint
perception of the usefulness of women.
For day or two the Captain led this mis-
cradle kind of existence and as the time ap
preached for embarking on his next voyage
he looked upon that and his prospective re
turn with species of forlorn horror.
"Somebodyll break into the house and rol
it," thought he. "Or the things'n get mast
and mouldy without any-and-look at then
duds of minel"
He frowned wYathfully at a heap of sailor
clothes lying in corner of the room, all o
which wanted washing, and some of whic
stood in great need of repairing. And Name
had always kept them SO neat and clean.
'Look ere" said Captain Tiller, rising
! and, with his hands in his pockets, apostrC