Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1882-10-27
Artemus Ward and the London Cabby,

Artemus Ward and the London Cabby.
Artemus Ward, the prince of humor-
lists, positively revealed in what think
he was the first to dub COAX" / re-
member, late one night in the fall OF
1866, Artemus, dear little JEFF Prowse
and my humble self were left alone in
the club room at Ashley's. Artemus
proposed an adjournment to the AL
hambra. Prowse and self joyfully as
sented. Artemus asked JEFF to charter
a cab. The vehicle soon drew up. 1t
was clear night, and the hotel and
street lamps shed a bright light. which
gave us a full view of the drivers face.
He was grave and stolid-looking, and
very evidently self-possessed. Artemus
seemed to study the mans features for
brief moment; then he intimated to
me in whisper that he was going to
have a lark with cabby. Assuming a
grave air, which sat so marvelously well
on his face, he addressed the man in
slow, measured accents. "My friend, :"
he said. ''you look to me a man of
thought and experience. in fact, the
very man likely to decide most i'm
portant and most difficult question
which has arisen between me and my
friend there" pointing to JEFF, who
looked slightly puzzled do YOU take
me? VIII you be arbiter between us?'
Cabby looked so dubious at first that !
thought he was going to say Cam
mon," or shut up" or something of
the sort. However, so wondrously in
tent did Artemus look, and so supernal-
ly grave was his manner that the man S
suspicious faded away from his face as
snow will under hot sun. He gave a
half-grunt. then said briefly: Fire
away, guv'nor, let's know watts all
about"
"Wel," responded Artemus, with
slow deliberateness, weighing every
word, apparently. "Weil, look We
here, now, my friend; that gentleman
there pointing again to JEFF Prowse.
who, not knowing exactly how Charley
might choose to compromise him with
amayhap irate Jehu, began to give slight
signs of feeling rather uncomfortable
maintains that there is the divergence
of contradictory opinions, which in the
natural logical sequence of reasoning,
and in the inferential conclusions of ar
gumentation, must in the final end in
evitably lead to conveyance, and con-
cord and harmony among people. and
bring about that most devoutly-wished-
for contamination when man to man
the world all DER, shall brethren be
and a that. trust you follow me,
my friend!" q follow you, guy nor;
fire away" said cabby, briefly, who ev-
identity was not quite clear yet what it
all could possibly be about. Now, you
see, my good fellow" pursued Arte-
mus, with increased intentness of face
and graver ponderousneSS of manner
assert. and mean to stick to it, too, let
gainsay who may''-with a ferocious
glare our way--"that it is contrariwise
and opposite, the conveyance of con-
current, concordant and coincident
opinions that must inevitably in its COR
ollary and concomitant consequent
tial- train of its outcoming results
lead to Emergencies, difficulties and
difference" raising dis voice to a
higher pitch, and frantically saving and
beating the air with his outstretched
right arm which will make one man
jump 1T another throat and strive to
strangle him to deathr' Then he pro-
ceeded, more quietly: ''Now, my
friend you cannot but admit that I
have placed the case fairly before you.
Now, please, give us your decision {"
Cabby, who had apparently listened
with much serious attention to this rig-
marole, bent his head on one side, and
with one eye shut, gave Artemus the
benefit # an inimitably droll look. Then
lie proceeded with gravity of manner
equal to Wards and still more ponder
Gus slownesS of enunciation, to deliver
himself of the following oracul + de-
cision, which would have done honor to
great Busby himself: ''Well, guy nor.
it is knotty pint and a ard nut to
crack for the likes O. me; seein' as
there is a great deal to be said on both
sides; and don't We think. now, guv'nor,
it's rayther dry question to settle?
Fich l knowed from the first We vos a
gen leman, hevery inch o. YOU, guv'-
nor" Having said which he looked ex-
pectant. ''Soldr' cried Artemus,
laughing. jumping into the vehicle fol-
lowed by us. You shall have your
liquor, cabby. Drive on '-ReniniS-
cences Of an old Bohemian.