Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-06-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

L
care, but she lets the worn-out seat of
poverty's pants take care of ITSELF
| Salem Sunbeam.
A MAN thinks he knows everything
when he really knows nothing, and he
thinks he knows nothing when he really
knows pretty nearly everything.
FULLER in one of his grand sermons,
"He that spends all his life in sport is
like one who wears nothing but fringes
and eats nothing but sauces."
SAN Francisco is clamoring for brass
bands in churches. Extreme measures
must be taken to keep San Francisco
people awake, evidently. y.-Lo,0cu Citi-
zen.
A NEW stple of door mat has just been
devised for editorial sanctums. It bears
the woven inscription "Come again"
and is intended to lie outside the door.
Huntington Ha,okeye.
"WHEN / have cold in my head"
said gentleman, apologetically, "I am
seen him when he didn't have just such
cold," whispered third party in an
aside.
MARY CLEMdER says only one girl In
five hundred can be happy as a clergy
mans wife; but as only about one man
in five hundred stands in need of
clergyman's wife, we don't see what
Mary is growing about.-Nes0 Haven
Register.
A FAcr-Sister Ito Fred, just re-
turned from spring visit to London):
D,,Gk kor1 .loA
tiest thing you saw in bonnets ?" Fred:
1.-The prettiest thing I saw in bonnets? ?
Why, the girls who wore them, of
course. Bless their dear little hearts T.
A SUGGESTION: "Lend me five dollars,
Joe ?" Cant do it in fact, am just
going over to try to borrow five from
the doctor" "Well, then, you might
as well make it ten and I'll take five of
it. 1t will make it easier to pay, you
know, if it Is divided up between us. -
NeD0rk CdU.
A TOBACCO hater says, "Two cigars
day will supply family with -four
Fogg says he buys half dozen cigars
some days, but he doesn't find it any
easier to supply the family with -four,
for all that. He thinks there must be
mistake somewhere. Tran.
script.
One may be witty even at the last
moment, though it is not usual. "What
spectacle !" said tender hearted man
as he saw poor fellow dangling in the
air at an execution. eyes," grimly
replied q prisoner; "and when my turn
comes there'll be pair of spectacles.
QUAINT old Quakers once said, "Give
not thy tongue too great liberty, less
it take thee prisoner. A word unspoken
is like the sword in the scabbard,
thine if vented, thy sword is in an
others hand. If thou desire to be held
tongue"
THEY were standing just by the front
gate of the old farm house, Farmer
Robinson leaning on the gate-post.
"Well, miss, hope you've enjoyed your-
self this summer. We hain't put on
much style for You, but we've meant to
treat you sort o. so So" 'Don't men
tion it, pray" replied Miss Fitzjoy.
''It's been the most delightful season
ever knew. Why, I've learned so much
about farming that 1 really believe
shall set out some cucumber trees in
the conservatory, and have them fresh
for breakfast all winter"
PATRICK has a great power of enjoy
ment after all, and always laughs at the
nighttime. One day he saw bull at
sides with both hands, the scene was
so funny. After while the animal
turned his attention in another direc-
ton. and poor Patrick, after exploring
the heights, came down with thump
on the other side of the fence. He
rubbed his wounds, and as he trudged
along the worse for wear, he said to
himself, "Faith, I'm glad had my
laugh when I did or wouldn't have
had it at all.
'THIRTY days in solitary contine
ment," was the sentence pronounced
against Jim Webster by an Austin
Judge "Thirty days % asked the man.
"Thirty.days," was the response. ''Look
heah, boss, you glib me thirty days las
winter for de same 'fense, when de days
was a heap shorter den dey is now.
Amt you gwine ter allow de usual dis
count on account oh be signs of de 20
diackle? ?" A look of intelligence ap-
peared on the judicial face, and spread
all over it. 81 declare, / forgot the
days were not always of the same
length. I'll make it twenty days soli-
tary confinement instead of thirty"
A FRENCH lady recently died at the
advanced age of 80. Her will con-
tanned this provision: 81 leave to my
physician; whose enlightened care and
wise prescriptions have made me live
so long, all that is contained in the old
oaken chest in my boudoir. The key
of the chest will be found under the
mattress of my bed" The heirs we're
much disturbed. for they foresaw a
material diminution of their share of
the property. The fortunate and ex-
pectant physician at length arrived.
The notary delivered to him the key of
the chest. 1t was opened and found to
contain solely all the drugs and po-
tions, still intact, which the worthy
physician had given his patient for 20
years back.
SAID the gilded youth: eyes, it's
mighty nice thing to be engaged to
seven or eight girls. If you call on one,
and she isn't home, you can go and see
another, and if you find any other fellow
present, why, he's got to give way to
you. Get into trouble, breach OF
promise suits, etc. I? Oh, no. When
x;rl l,ao;ns - .yat troublasoma turn