The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1882-10-28
NO. 3
WIT AND WISDOM.


Eve was the lady who set the fash
ion of gathering Autumn leaves.
Cats are musical because their in
aides are composed mostly of fiddle
strings.
The family Bible will soon be
opened again as receptacle for Au-
| tumn leaves.
The biggest Hoop in politics -
made, Of course, for the man with the
biggest bar'l.
If tramps only knew enough to go
in gangs they would be called gip-
sizes and be thought romantic.
There is man In California who
always has three feet in his boots.
Each boot is eighteen inches long,
Hope is nothing more than de-
sire with telescope, magnirying
distant matters, overlooking near
ones.
| When mans feelings are SO
great that he cannot express them,
hadn't he better send them by
freight.
Another date fixed for the Cars
coronation! Russia Is getting ns
| plentiful In dates as Egypt in her
palmy days,
Philadelphia citizens are very we'll
liked at home, judging from the re-
wards offered for their return when
they leave the city.
A lamb with three mouths WINS born
not long ago on farm near Marlboro,
O. Even Nature seems to know what
the Ohio idea is.
"All things come TO the man who
waits" but q dime judiciously be-
slowed on n restaurant waiter will
hurry things up little.
| Ii 10 inst after man has received
his bill for q weeks board ut Sum
mer watering place that he realizes
there is no place like home.
A boy, describing how lie had
tooth drawn, said: "The doctor col-
Jared me and pulled like wild horses,
and just before my head came off the
tooth dropped out"
fare you certain Of securing the
aiadem2" asked the minister OF the
dying man. And when the dying
man said he didn't want 10 diea-
dem bit" the minister and the doc
tor flew, and the man got better.
The latest libel about the new com
ct Is Chat it is one of the bald-headed
kind, and is hurrving up toward tho
sun to get good seat where It can
have good look at the transit Of
Venus.
A Jersey City girl blushed md
tainted HE other day when she found
that the name Of the paper she had
used for q hustle was the Christian
Observer. Those Jersey City girls
are too modest for anything.
mo, ] don't know where John
spends his evenings said Mrs.
Flakes, hut | guess he is at Joncs's
grocery most OF the time. ] know
his breath smells fcarfully strong Of
coffee and kerosene when he comes
home"
Anna Dickinson announces that
she is no longer in favor of womans
suffrage. We thought one season Of
Hamlet, with its short pants and
long stockings, would take the wo-
mans suffrage nonsense out OF Anna.
| A lady who had invited small
company to. u parsimonious dinner
was apologizing for the chicken and
said she regretted having no time
to stuff it. Its tough enough as it
is | assure YOU" replied guest IN
expcctedly.
"Yes.' remarked the man with the.
soiled wristband, "Bill's got pow
crfu flow Of language. You'd ought
er hee,ed him t'other day when his
] brindlc steer got mired down il the
Sffygins swamp. ! never heard u
man swear SO eloquent in al my born
days
Jones wife got worked MP The other
day Us she rchearsed the many things
| that should be done, but which no
body seemed ready toao. "OI, dear!r'
she exclaimed IL wish / were q
manw "You dor exclaimed Jones,
rising from his seat. swell. / don't.
"What a remarkably uglv man
Mayor Grace isl said Col. Mooney
to pretty and tender-hearted young
lady. "Ah," replied she, deprccat-
ingly, shut lie has face that grows
on you.' HUM responded the
Colonel, @Gol forbid, madam, that
it should ever grow on me-"
"Well,' remarked a young NJ. ID,
inst from college, Il suppose the next
thing will be to hunt good location,
and then wait for something to do,
| like Patience on a monument"
Yes" said bystander, sand it.
won't be long after you do begin be-
fore the monument will be on the
patients. 2
You can't foei 4 Baltimore girl.
| When her fellow rises from his seat
in the theatre between the acts and
says. "I'll be back in moment, she
daxzlcs him with one of her most re.
liable smiles, and pulling him hack
; with the remark. II brought some
with mo <.<,.l,v .1;,.s ~ :, ~, AZ =. &