The Portland daily press., 1882-09-08
Wit and Wisdom.

Wit and Wisdom.
A society has been formed to introduce
american music into Japan, and it is said that
the way in which the Acknowledged heather
s;,,o that pathetic American ballad, "Rockee
Crtdt,e, Babee Gone" would bring tears to the
ewes of crocodile.-Philadelph News.
HORST ord's Acid Phosphate for over
worked Professional Men.
DR.. c HAS T. MITCHELL, Canandaigua,
N. Y, g, .ys: az think it a grand restorer of
brain fol CO or nervous energy"
Even. when the course of true love does run
smooth, so weak and contrary is human nature
that the jealous swain is apt to plague his mind
with i'm aginary perils, as the following cores
pondence will show His belief-"If you shud
desurt me deerest mary believe wood do
lika Toner throw mself overbored and be swal-
Tered by q, whaile.' Her suggestion-"That
would be- very foolish. Remember that Jonah
only stayed down a short time. Alligators
have stronger stomacbs than whales. Try an
alligator. Brooklyn Eagle.
Hops and Malt Bitters is the best tonic for
the restoration to health and strength OF those
weakened and enervated by over-work, sick
ness. general debility or other cause. 1t COR
tajns no mineral substance to remain in the
system and do permanent harm.
1t is not necessary for q man to he poor to be
honest" Certainly not, But it seems sort O.
half way necessary for a man to be poor if he
is honest.-QuiZ.
When the scalp is annoyed with dandruff
Glenns Sulphur Soap will be found infallible.
Hills Hair Dye black or brown, fifty cts.
Ella Wheeler says: "This world is a sad,
sad place, know 1t is, Ella, for fact; but
this world is not as sad as that World in New
York. on the morning after Presidential cleo
ton. Not by more than considerable Morris
town Herald.
true strengthening medicine and health
renewer is Browns Iron Bitters.
| The gentleman stepped ON the coal dealers
platform scales and asked to be weighed. The
dealer aid: "Why, certainly" and called to
the rns n inside to take the weight. And the
man thought it was coal he was weighing, and
shouted back the weight 600 pounds.-Boston
Post.
Ladies should wear Hop Plaster over the
small of the back as it gives great relief from
pains and aches. 25c each, 5 for 81, at drug
gsts.
.sWbat have you that's good?'' said hum
gry traveller, as he seated himself at table
d'h6te at Salt Lake City hotel. "Oh." said
the waiter, "we've roast beef, roast mutton,
roast pork and broiled carlews." whats a
curlew?" said the traveller. 'Why, a bird
something like a snipe'' could it fy?"
eyes, ibid it have wipgs?' yes" Then
don't want any curlew. Anything that had
wings and could fly and didn't leave this coun-
try, don't want for my dinner."-Hotel Mall.
*That wonderful catholicon known as Mrs.
| lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has
| given the lady worldwide reputation for do
ing good. 1t is like living spring to the vital
constitution. Her Blood Purifier will do more
to cleanse the channels of the circulation and
purify the life of the body than all the sanitary
| devices OF the Board OF dealtn.
The subscribers to O'Dynamite Rosa s
"skirmishing fund.- in New York, want the
| trustees to explain what has become of the
| funds The subscribers are not aware that the
| trustees held picnic recently and passed reso-
lutions declaring that Ireland must be free.
| They don't appear to know that IL costs howl
| ;nc LOT If money to free Ireland at picnic
| Norristown Herald.
For wears I suffered from dyspepsia and in
| digestion, it seemed to weaken every organ of
| life and shattered my nervous system l tried
| Wheat Bitters and now my stomach digests
any kind of food. f. o. MUNROE, 259 18th
| ST., Brooklyn.
| A little boy had his long curls cut off the
| other day, and was annoyingly reminded of the
| fact by the remarks of all his friends Going
with his family into the country, soon after his
arrival he came running into the house in great
/ sorrow, crying, Mamma, mamma, even the
| hens laugh at me; they all say, 'Cut-cut-cut-
| got-your-hair-cut!
The gloomy fears, the responding views,
| the WEAKNESS of soul that many complain of,
would often disappear were the blood made
pure and healthy before reaching the delicate
| vessels of the brain. Ayers Sarsaparilla puri-
| fies and vitalizes the blood; and thus conduces
| to health of body and sanity of mind,
| The shorte st courtship on record is here
| given: A Newton county (Ga.) widower rode
| up to the gate of handsome widow and asked
| for match to light his pipe. The lady gave
| him the desired article, when he asked: "Did
| you ever think of coming to my house to ive?"
"No," she said; ''if had it would have done
me no good" In ten days they were man and
wife.-New York Telegram. That is not half
| so short as one reported from California. A
| miner fell in love with girl at first sight; she
| was equally smitten with him, and the entire
| courtship was: MY pet" "You bet'-
Philadelphia News
Mrs. W, Shawmut Avenue, Boston,
Mass, says, "Heay's Tonic Pills cured me of
disease that eminent surgeons said only a
surgeons knife could remove"
After trial, one box of "CEPHALNE'' often
goes to every house in neighborhood.
Prof Huxley estimates the take of herrings
in the North Sea at 100000 Before relying
on Huxley's estimate we would like to know
whether he saw the fish or took the statement
of the fishermen.-Boston Post.
Few compilations can bear the strong,
white morning light which exposes every
speck Of tan, every pimple and the slightest
spotting of eczema. In DR.. Benson's Skin
Cure is sure relief from the annoyance of these
blemishes on the cheek of beauty.