Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1882-03-17
F. q n

The mother enters the room unexpected
Il ", and her daughter hides the book she
had been reading, with certain amount
of confusion:
ssWhat have you been reading, Louisa,
my dear ?" asks the authoress of her
being.
''Nothing, ma; was only just review
ing my sacred history; we are to have an
examination in it next week."
whereabouts are your"
"Oh, where it tells about-the-whale
and-a Don JONAH"
'sYou look very sad, Gus,'' remarked
Gilhooly to Gus de Smith, whom he met
on Austin avenue. Il feel that way re-
sponded Gus, heaving sigh. "What's
the matter?" "My hired niger has quit,
and now my old motheI, who is ninety
seven years old and has the rheumatism,
has to tend my horse, black my boots. and
chop up all the winter wood. Ain't that
enough to make fellow feel sorry for his
poor mother?"
sit may be months, darling, before we
meet again. he sand, squeezing her hand
as if that were his last; mount ms and
valleys will divide US, forests and prairies,
perhaps the river of death itself. Can
do anything more than l have done to
make you cherish my memory and keep
your love for me unchanged 7" sob,
yes" she exclaimed, choking down the
sobs, buy me a box Of tortoise-shell hair
pins before you start"
A lady friend of mine from the South,
clerk in the Treasury, was telling me yes
terday that she expected soon to be dis
missed. The reason assigned was her al
legged rebel sentiments ''Do you know"
said she, ''they charge me with having
been rebel spy? That would make me
about As years old. I told them 1 would
submit to dismissal very gracefully, but
could never forgive the reflection on my
age"
Never despair. Many a boy who goes
around with yellow patch on his blue
pantaloons may some day write volume
Of poetry in blue and gold or have silver
plate on his door.
snake Somebody Glad.'' urges a recent
poem. Hundreds of young men can com
ply with this request simply by bidding he
goodnight two or three hours earlier OF
Sunday nights.
"Adolphus, let US leave the avenue and
stroll along the margin of the river"
mot any, Evageli1e. no more margin for
me-" Adolphus had been specializing in
futures that week.
Never be at your place of business when
person wants to borrow money of you,
because if you are in you will he cut, but
il you are out you will be in.
Johnny remarked that father and mother
were Christians, but they were always ugly
on Sundays He thought it must be be
cause they were mad at wicked people.
Jones says he used to be proficient in
half dozen languages, but since he has
married he is not even master of his own
tongue.
A New Y ork man recently sold his wife
to neighber for dollar. Some men
seem to take delight in swlndling their
neighbours.
What court was in session at the time
Adam broke the law? or course we all
give it up. Well, it was the Apple-ate
court.
Some one who has baen there remarks
that young author lives in an attic be-
cause one is rarely able to live on his first
story.
us there any fixed rule for writing poet
ry'' wrote correspondent to a country
editor. His reply was: .Thers is. DON'T"
Gracie's first experience in eating a
peach: "I've eaten it, cloth and all, man.
ma: now what shall / do with the bone?"
The farmer that iran rapidly through
his property" wore red shirt and had a
sindle bull behind him..
"A dress coat is the proper garment to
ear at swell dinners. It doesn't button
front and gives you chance to swell.
Fl don't like that cat; it's get splinters
in its feet, !" was the excuse of four-year-
old for throwing the kitten away.
A Sunday School teacher asked her class
the question: "What did Simon say ?''
Thumbs upl'' says little girl.
A mailed knight must have required
good many postage stamps to carry him
through successfully.
If you want to get rich mount mule,
because when you are on mule you are
better of.
Asthetic nose warmers are coming into