The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1882-10-17
A HUMORIST.

sat in his Office late at night. Before
him OH sheet Of paper were a dozen
unfinished attempts at a paragraph.
His face did not look as though it had
ever entertained smile, and his heart
did not feel as though it had ever been
illumined by the glow of good feeling.
He was struggling with that life
shadOwing and soul darkening nelan-
chollv which visits all writer's of mirth;
that something which no man can
forsee or well remember; that some
thing which takes heart in its rough
hand and squeezes it until the fingers
lap. "Humor," he said contemptu-
Ously. Trying to write something for
poor fool laugh at. Laugh! Who the
devil wants to laugh! All,
you slab sided vagabond,
walking along the street there, you'd
like to come iii and tell me joke.
Joke! ! hate that word. Think that
my entire life is filled up with jokes.
do you? Like to stop me ON the street
and tell me some fool thing that ]
wrote myself years ago. Fun! Ex-
poet me to laugh at my own attempt
1T wit Should be charitable enough
to give me credit for more sense.
What is this Id feeling that settles
around my soul? Is some crushing
accident about to happen? Wonder
if this is some terrible punishment for
welding the pen of Fl ivolity. Is fool
ishuess such a crime? Some Bible
character, don't know who, and /
swear | won't .ook it up, said that the
foolish OF this world are chosen to con-
found the wise. If all of the foolish
are chosen the wise are in a bad fix. /
wish / could get at this blamed secret
of life. want to know, witheutany
cause. am ut times elated and at
other times crushed. Gods. if we
could only rip aside the fimsy some
thing that hangs between us and that
impenetrable night. where all mystic
ries are held-if we could do this and
fash lantern around amid the grim
subjects there, what sights would be
revealed! Great God! How we are
all rushing, rushing toward that
darkness. Oh, no, young fellow, you
do not ike to think of it. but you are
going. I'm going, and deviiish fast,
il seems. Only few years and a
gimlet ended worm will GO through
this eve. Let him bore. He's got to
die too. No, the Bible says that the
worm dieth not. Ee's an immortal
cuss. Got the main essential for the
everlasting bulge on man. All. death,
you are grim scoundrel. You are
so confoundedly certain in your I'M
certainty. No. take that back. You
are friend. You are cold and clam
my, but you are a friend. Who knows
but you may be an introductin into
a state of serenest beauty, most ethe-
real content. / wish the spirituslists
were right, How do I know but they
are? Why don't some sportive rascal.
who made fun for kings and courts,
come and help me. Probably I'm
not impressive. There are times when
1 can write with wonderful ease.
Spiritual work, no doubt"
A timid rap at the door startled the
rhapsOdist.
A little girl entered. mister, will
you please give me something to eat ?"
she said, advancing. II saw a light
here but | didn't know whether to
knock or not. l went into a room
down the hall and asked a man for
something. and he told me to 60 away
and said something about scandal"
Something about scandal" ex-
claimed the humorist.
"Yes sir. He said if people saw
me at the door there would be scan
dal."
That man is a young preacher.
Yes, 1 Can give you something to eat.
You are wet. didn't know it was
raining. How old are you? Six
years. Live away out, Ell? Father
a drunkard. Don't doubt it. Mother
SICK, hah? Enough to make her sick.
III take you home. Let me wrap
this coat around you. Come on"
About two hours afterwards he re-
turned to his dreary Office. Bread
and meat" be unused. whisky. too.
The temperance people would no
doubt consider it q sin to give that
old fellow whisky, but / don't. He's
past all hope now. and nothing but
whisky will do him any good. The
idea is to keep it away from men in the
first place. Hello, the young preacher
is singing. Scandal. Let him take
care that he's as particular after he
takes charge of a flock. Well. l feel
better. Don't banker for the COM
partnership of the gimblet ended