Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-09-13

THEY were talking about beauty the
other evening, when Miss Smith re-
marked: swell, say what you will,
homely people are almost always un-
usually bright" Miss Brown (sotto
voice.: "The egotist I"
81 HAVE been grossly insulted," ex-
claimed Brown. "That rascal Smith
called me liar % ''How unfortunate |"
remarked Fogg. "You couldn't deny
the assertion without indorsing it, could
you? "-BostOe Transcript
A LITTLE boy, whose parents are al
ways moving from one house to another,
was asked by the Sunday-school teacher,
"Why dld the Israelites move out of
Egypt?' Because they couldn't pay
their rent, was the reply.
"WELL, WELL" said Ellington, majes-
tically, "we mustn't be too severe on
the young fellows. suppose was as
big fool as any of them when I was
young" eyes," replied Fogg, "and
you are not an old man now Ellington"
Boston transcript.
"WELL, old chappie, what did the
doctor say?" ooh, said I was to give
up tea, and take plenty Of rest, and all
that. Mean to-" "But what did he say
about big cigars, and brandies and sodas
in the morning, and all that? 2" so,
didn't mention 1t. Fact is, never asked
him. Punch.
GOADED TO DESPERATION.
When falls the soulful 1noonbesms,
Upon the backyard fence,
And tuneful feline choristers
Their serenade commence,
The suffering esthetic,
His bitterness forgot
Hurts madly through the midnight air
His too-too sunhower pot.
THEY were discussing religious aues-
lions. Said Brown: 81 tell YOU that.
If the other animals do not exist after
death, neither does man. There is no
difference between man and beast"
eff anybody could convince me of that,
it would be you, Brown" replied Dea-
con Jones, demurely. -Bostoa Tran
script.
AN Austin widow was contemplating
the preparation of matrimony the Sec
Ond time, when the rumor reached the
ears of her little boy Johnny, who burst
into the room where the widow was en-
tertaining the young man who had been
mentioned in that connection, and ex-
claimed: eff pa was alive he would cure
you Of wanting to get married again.
Teras Sttings.
A MISSISSIPPI boatman with immense
feet, stopping at a public-house, asked
the porter for a bootjack to pull off his
boots. The colored gentleman, after
examining the strangers feet, broke out
as follows "No jack here big huff for
dem feets. Jackass couldn't pull 'em
off, massa, widout fraktring deleg. Yuse
better go back about tree miles to de
forks in de roads an pull 'em dar."
HIS GIRLS HAND.
Some hands resemble vultures' claws
Others the monkeys hairy paws;
But thy white hand
Is sweet and bland
There none like it in the land.
Some hands are like an iron rasp,
so coarse and harsh within ones grasp:
But like much
Thy velvet touch
In all this world there is no SUCH
Some hands are clammy, like frog,
And All my pulses seem to clog;
But thy fair palm
Is like balm,
And ali my pulses to calm.
''Do YOU play lawn tennis, Miss
|-?" inquired he. "No, L never
learned the game. Is it interestingly"
Eyes, very. You see there are four
courts on each side" "That is eight
courts, isn't it? Ii 1 had known there
was SO much counting to the game [
should have been an expert by this
time" ooh, ! assure you, but you are
an expert" There is no use in pursu-
ing this scheme further. -NeaO Haoen
Register.
"No, GENTLEMEN" exclaimed mid
dle-aged man, who was talking to a
crowd on Austin avenue, "nothing in
the world could induce me to allow one
of my children to enter a school door.
for the reason that" "You hire a
teacher to come to the house." inter-
rupted one of the crowd. '..No, it's not
that: It's because "They are too
sickly to go to school," exclaimed an
other excitedly. "No, that's not the
reason either. No child of mine will
ever attend school because "Be-
cause you don't want them to be smarter
than their daddy" "No, gentlemen,
the reason is because I've not got any
children. "-Teras Sytings.