The Worthington advance., 1882-03-30

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FELIX AND MARIA ANN.
Once upon tiu.s. aud a very good time
il WAS. there lived fnir Young maiden
whose name was Mary Ann
Si!o wasn't II tall dark. eyed ulaidsn with
hips like cherries. teeth like milk whitu
pearls, and cheeks covered with bl,,sLes
Hcr form wus hot Il bit like Hebe. Oh.
no! the"- WIS none OF those things around
her. Un the contrary, Ahe WAS short aud thin.
! and had red hair, fteck!es, and second
hand set of teeth; hnt still she would pass
il is crowd.
No" there was yonng man who WAS
sn,tttn with '.er, nuL his name war Felix,
or more famill:.ry known as Felix McGo}u
tie wasn't very tiue-looking, and did no,
| have curly hvo M hair or a black mustucha.
Not much!
This Felix WAS in love with Mary Aun;
| but did Ie so and lnnko deliberate Ass OF
himself? Did lie. J say. 90 into grove
! viii, her, and in tho SOFT moonlight, by the
streauliet tIut murmurou sweetly by. and
With tender Zsphyrs sighing through the
foliage fall down upon his knees. seize her
jew"llrd hand. breathe his ,leep affections
| IN ii,: tender accents Of love, aud swear by
yon bright orb above us always to 10 her
o"f 'r'l, titH ne: MY ndlltlc feAtltr3, l
want Ia know If he did:
Not very muchly, una you can put 10
your whole weeks wages Oh that.
Felix knew too much about the price of
pants to go tiounderin.s around on the wet
grass with his Sunday r!tthes OH; besides.
he never cared about streamets, or any
cold water, except 10 mix II with his bitte:s.
II ~ exceedingly strange. but this intatu-
atsd Felix met her ut the alley gate, and he
stood right mp on his old legs and says:
Say, Mary, old kal; a'poso We get
htcheh?"
How did Mary behave? Did she 60 to
dropping aslesp Oh tho wet bricks in
dead faint. did she hite her gen tie head
on his shirt bosom to conceal her blnsLes2
No! ShcWldnt Say: u Am thins, my own
love. my dear !.aio;ei Felix" On, INV, no!
She looked right n!, his bIeared eyes
and says:
"ielix, old hoy, am the gal for these
sort Of things. Get III ieuulins;" and i'll
stead OF referring him to her father she
'nesely said: won't tho old ,nan bna: out
when you tell him." amt she laughed
heartily; but never II word did she say to
Felix in regard to modifying her father
Nol this naughty child very wickedly ad-
he was inclined to hs windy"
She WAS an extraordinary female, this
Mary Ana.
The old man wasn't wealthy, for he Was
in the retail! soap-fat businesses and he
didn't think Felix was nosing around for
his cash; consequently, VIII en- Felix asked
him for his daughters hand, he neither or
'1ered him away tiercely. nor did the dewy
| moisture glisten in his eagle eye as he
passed his benedictions on them, AMI sal d:
"Bless yen, my children; bless you"
Oh. no; nothing Of the sort. He just
blow his red old horn Oh hia handkerchief
aud told Felix to take her along, for he was
glad 10 get rsd of her at any price, and .Fe-
liz would be the same way mighty soon. for
| she was dreadful on yictuals. and always
smashed something when she got mad.
10 you see there was no necessity for him
| to come at milnights solemn hour in
black Mario, and throw rope ladders IN to
her lattice and whistle three times on a
watch key; then &c. up hand over hand; bring
her down in one hand, her trank in the 9th
er, and a band. hox and waterfall under
each arm.
Oh, 90, he wasn't Oh that lay; so lie just
went oat in the yard and out of pure Joy he
head, and then went out for bis bitch er
cart and drove Mary Ann right down TO
Judge Smith to have the job done.
But the quesrest thing OF all Was that he
had 10 tall. dark. rnt1ianly rival with /.
scoWing Visage and dark Whiskers, who
flew at him with II drawn dagger and
horse pistol On eacl. shoulder, crying wild
~ for Revenge! ha! ha! S'death!" and
"Villian, thou diest!"
Not any. To be sure there WAS another
fellow. Patsy Schemnlerhorn by name, in
love with Mary Ann, bnt he was weak
eyed young man who had sandy hair and
wore spectacles and a choker collar, and
always looked scared when yon hollered at
him. So when Schemmerhorn saw that
Feliz had the best Of the girls affections,
he looked serene and said: "Go in, FELIX.
il You banker for her."
Felix was a trihe on the banker. He
sailed right in.
So You see lie had no trouble at all. There
WAS no urgent business that called him to @
foreign land. compelling him to bid her
gool-by, and swear always to be "true till
death doth part us, and then 20 away and
eyed italian girl picking grapes I'M vine
yard with square towel on her head, while
his forgotten and forsaksn Mary Ann grad
ually sank away and battled the physicians
skill, growing paler and paler, till at last,
when the Jnne bugs were III bloom, lying
gently down to die, while through the win.
dow hoated in the balmy odor OF jassamines
and honeysuckles; and he, coming home at
last, filled with remorse, going daily to the
cemetery strewing flowers DER her tomb.
and teaching his children to lisp her
name.
Never! Felix was a butcher and he stay-
Ell home, and killed beef and sold it at
high price. Mary Anne kept healthy and
was not disposed to pine or fade; and when
the ceremony was performed which would
make them man and wife, Mary didn't sit
down in her room while they were dressing
her in white and mixing orange blossoms
in her hair, etc. then go gently down stairs
with six bridesmaids at her heels, and
stand up With her own dear, and weep gent
ly while she was being married by the
maetstrate.. aud then get lots of presents
and 60 to her new home. and live through
all the happy years with Felix, never know
ing sorrow or trouble hereafter.
Why, OF course she didn't: for it WASH
her style, you sec. She rushed up-s stairs
and put on her pink.muslin and went to the
Tombs, and never wept o particle, and re-
celved no presen ts, except 10 cents from
the old man to pay her fare, and sue
walked and saved her money: and when at
tho magistrates. she just rose from tho
bench, aad told Felix that she didn't see
the use in marrying, and she didn't like
blm anyhow; so she went home, and Felix
"~.As "aeA AOAs AAN kOAA ucI 10 WASu BOITy,
! as he did not want her, for he guessed she
was rough on clothing, anyhow
And so they never got married, and the
whole thing turned out wrong, but could
not help it, for l will not put on record
things that arc not so.
! ~. but it's fact that there was something
| strange about Mary Ann, 80 We will have to
! let 1t slide rs it is.
Leopold Won Ranke, who recently cele-
rated his eighty: sixth birthday, is the
| oldest doctor Of laws in Prussia, having
| taken his degrees in the year 1917. For
more than forty years he has held the Office
Of histotiographer to the Prussian state.
Every title and distinction to which Ger
man man Of letters can aspire has been be-
slowed upon Ranke by his own sovereign.
while the minor potentates Of Germany and
nearly all the continental monarchs have
displayed q generous rivalry in heapinQ
honors upon his venerable head. In fact,