Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1882-05-13
As Wise as Solomon.

When old Judge Peters died at Salinas
City last month court business was so
pressing that the next day old Tom Gid
ley, who runs the saw mill at that flour
ishing place, was appointed Jadge. Not
that Gidley knew anything in particu-
lar about law, except that he once had
been defendant in hog trespass ease;
bat there wasn't lawyer in the town
that wasn't considered to be too big
liar to beseligible. All the same, however,
Gidley held court every day with face
as solemn as catafalque, and to the ex-
treme evaporation Ofnthe legal frater-
nifty dispatched large amount of de-
layed cases in ruinOusly rapid manner,
and with sole regard for the intrinsic
justice of the causes that was unprOfes-
siOnal in the extreme. In fact such
proceedings had never before been heard
of in the whole history of California jur-
isprudence.
One day last week young grass widow
applied to the Judge for a divorce.
divorce, eh?" grOwled old Gidley as
the petitioner took the stand. swell, be
spry now! Out with it! What did he
do to your"
"Do? Why, Judge, he's the creates
brute in the world" said the petitioner,
with fascinating smile. "Why, he
wouldn't let me have but two bonnets
last winter"
"He was cussed foolY' growled the
Judge testify.
That's what 1 said, your Honor; he
81 mean,' snapped the court, that he
was canssed fool to let you have mOre'n
one. The airs and extravaganza of you
women beats thunder. Is that alp"
"0h! no, that amt ALL" said the ap-
plicant, somewhat abashed. "He-he-
he smote me, your Honor" and she hung
her head.
what the blazes do you mean by
'smOtep" said the court, biting off
fresh chew. "You mean he BACKED your
eye, eh?"
"Well, no." stammered the witness,
while substratum of blush underspread
her e-bOttles-and-spOnge -fOr-a-dOllar
complexion" but he-he Whipped me,
your honor"
"What with?' asked the court, more
softly;"a shingleY
The petitioner mOti0ned that such was
the case.
us the single i'm court?" said his
honor, polishing his glasses, briskly.
"DO you file it in evidence? And-ahem!
present."
at is" said the lady, indicating very
trustworthy specimen of redwood, the
thin end of which was whitfield down
for better grip.
every WE'LL" said the court. "NOw,
madam state why this punishment was
administered to YOU"
"Why, for nothing on earth, your hon
or. Just for joke, you see, George
WitherspOOn and 1 wanted to go on lit
tie trip TO Frisco for few days. Didn't
we Georger"
A nervous young man, who had been
chewing his hat rim on back seat,
nodded assent.
"Ani so, Judge, we wanted to go, but
that mean old pelican-that's my hus-
band your H0nor-kicked like speckled
steer. SO, one night while he was down
the cellar after coal, George and / shut
down the trap door. padlOcked it, and
skipped out. We only stayed four days,
too"
"And what did the pelican subsist on
all this time-his own bresst?" asked
the court after a considerable pause.
'Ohl dear no; there was plenty of cold
beef in the refrigerator. The only thing
we forgot was to leave something for
him to drink. His tongue was sticking
about three inches out of his mouth
when we let him out. IL was Just the
funniest thing you ever saw, Judge.
Wasn't.it GeOrgep" And both the appli-
cant and the nervous young man laugh
ed very heartily, indeed, at the recollec-
ton.