Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-08-24
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.

PUNGENT:PARAGRAPHs.
High heals-Doctors' bills.
A toothache is always a pain invest
ment
Female physicians naturally practice
homeopathy.
Mummies are the only well.behaved
persons who are now left in Egypt.
When the poet wrote "the bravest
are the tenderest," he didn't refer to
bull beef.
In trade what article is usually con-
sidered as occupying the foremost rankf
Strong butter.
1t is terrible come-down for q man
to fall out of balloon and be obliged
to walk home.
A party who has just paid big doc
tors bill says he wants to see high heals
go out OF fashion.
ALI flesh is grass, and that's why 90
many men nowadays appear to have had
their hair cut by lawn mower.
1t is fun to see the weather bureez
lodging about'in the vain hops of hit
ting it about once or twice week.
An advertisement in Western paper
says: "Lost-Two COWS; one Of them
is bull" So is the advertisements.
The trapeze performer is Ligh-
minded man in more ways than one.
He is always above being in the ring.
simultaneously with the advent Of
narrow-gauge trousers, the papers are
telling of great increase in the numbsa
of spindles in the country.
The weather 30 hot
should say is not
The pleasantest to be borney
But please bear in your mind,
When to swear you're inclined,
It's the maxim o. wheat and corn.
Beef is so high that it is now q com-
pliment to be called o coward. Even
Bullock presses are advancing and
steersmen on river boats are contem-
plating demand for increased pay.
ALL the newspapers throughout the
country are objecting to the duty on
matches. We always did think that
the stamp on matches was a terrible
thing, especially when man is in his
bare feet.
Buffalo Bill has brought suit to Re-
cover S4,000,000 worth of property In
Cleveland, and some one expresses the
hope that, in case he is successful, he
will put aside twenty cents of it and get
his hair cut,
"Now, George, you must divide the
cake honorably with your brother
Charles" "What is honorable, motherS'
"It means that you must give Kim the
largest piece" "Then, mother, I'd
rather Charley would divide it"
"Ma, am I all made now 2" said @
little miss of three and half years old
at the breakfast table the other morn
ing. "Why, dear ?" said the fond
mother. because 1 have had my ears
pierced and WAS vsccinated yesterday"
said little Tot.
The "preliminaries" of the occasion
had all been settled. That is, John
had asked Julia, and she had consented.
They were sitting on the front veranda
watching for the sable curtain of night
to part and give them just one look at
the new comet. "Ch, by the way,
julia" said he. little nervously, my
income isis $3.50 now. Do you think
we could live up to itP' ''Why, John.
you precious, can live upto an income
twice as big as that all by myself" The
farewell kiss that night was mere me-
chanical bit OF oscula ion.
"Why are you like an oil weli Katefs
The lover asked. Replied his late,
because Pm bored 2" 'oh. no. meaa
You give delight with caress seem"
"Indeed 7" she laughed. "pIl ask ons, too
Why like an oil we'll. sir, are you 2"
"Because I'm deep-in love Z" said he.
"And pmn-"A gusher2 Yes. said she.
"That's very good. bat, Kate. l find
Like oil, that you are quite refined
You are my flame that will"-''no doubt
Like you," she said, 'soon be put out"
In walked her pa. "See here, my son,
If you are oil let's see you run;
Because, IL I strike oil might
Give you start-with 1ie-man-ite.s
The work of the United States fish