The Worthington advance., 1882-09-21

eloquence can -pursuade men that God.
who for ten thousand years has labored
to prodnco an infinite population of
damnable souls, can with decency be
called our Father. Little by little the
pulpit shrinks;from medieval theolSgy.
TO lean to ones reason has been de-
clared Il sin and 4 snare. What then
shall we lean upon? If a man may not
use his eyes what may he see With?"
This language from the distinguished
divine, II. w. Beecher, no doubt is as
radical and as much against old theol-
ogy taught in the churches at Pipe
Stone, as anything MIR. Walker said in
his lecture which aroused the old church
spirit of persecution, and he tried to de.
fend his old.bloody, vengeance religion
by throwing rotten eggs. Well, that
is about what we should expect as they
had no arguments to present. Rotten
eggs are TT representation of their de-
caying creeds and dogmas.
LURY A. CRAPSEY
AUNT HEzlAH OF oHIAH T0 zEp11A-
NJiH
My dear Nefews:
Uearin' your pas editer, and you
two little innercent creeters bein' sOt Oh
the road to faim, hes set me to t..inkin'
metlitative like, of the dredful pushin,
and tusslin' there is in this world to git
on the top of that air pinnercle. 1t
seems that men can't be kontented
with solid ground to walk on now days,
but must up AL exert their hull strength
to git to place they neveri isee afVre;
an | tell you, dear TWiEses, when you
git fairly started up'll come someone
that be forever tryin' 10 pull 'em back
an no matter now GRIMM u skeleton
they may hav at their own heels, they'll
try to drag one out from somewhere
to keep you company, an if they can It
find one III yoor pas closet they'll man
erfacter one fur you, am it's mighty
tryin' to ones patience to be pus!in'
and pullin' yoor way along with sech
crowd. An if yom shood reach the
top OF the pinnercle. ten to one you'll
not be sorry fur it, fur the footin' is SO
onsartin an slippery, am there aint
kumfortable standin' room, for mere'n
half as air there. an the way they DO
try to push one another Off does beat
all natur. Now ef [ was man (which
/ devoutly thank my lucky stars |
aint,) I'd be kontentcd with sittin'
in the shadder; 'tis a heap nicer place
wonderon' how soon you'll fall off:
not that they want tn kon;rive emmy
means to make yoor fall lighter fur it
does seem to do their souls good to see
a Teller bein' come down from lofty
hites. And now my dearest One.
te kontented with bein' CEareman of
deestr;ck skool- meetin' an even THAR
you'll hev enough diaikilty to kontend
with, fur t!,alcs always so,ne'un as gits
gelus and flies up and makes big, floury
speeches AM riles up the hull mcetin'
like lot OF apple sass Oh a hot stove.
and that reminds me. Tell yoor IA
that lie send some Of my p,nkin butter.
He was amHZi,' fond Of it when he was
to hum, fur it ai't no ways likely he's
had a taist Of enny sencc, with yoor ma
u galvanatin' round to Sciety meet;,:s
an sich, an tell her that she's takin'
all that tr',bb!e fur nuthing, fur faint
no ways likely she'll ever git emmy pay
fur maxim shirts fur them hcathens
who, if thay could clap their eyes onto
her, would likes not, cook her by her
own receetS; fur them .fnrren heather
is mighty OnCrateful and besides there's
plenty of hc:st'ien right in her own
town to konvert, am seems to me the
glory Of konvavtin' our home heather
is heap brighter than gittin' yankee
cloes onto furrin critters, who looks.
to say the least like q cat in 4 strange
garrett in 'en,. But to come back to
the 'riginal subjicl, SO to speak,
If yoo git to the pinnercle of faim.
jest rite OF. the corner stun yoor name.
An be kontented to git no higher,
Is the advice OF Aunt KeZiah.
(
TO &. Il. Jellosaphat an Zephanial,
Until Bro. Miller the ADVANCE man.
has brood Of little brats of his own
Il consu'n*tioa <evoutly to be wished
for .'';! :aarcely to he expected under
prt sen cIcim$ t;,nces) he may be cx-
" t It! to cherish his hatred Of the
Wcrthiagtou brats who make his life
SO miserable and give the ADVANCE SO
mucl! chance to gruinb!e. .-Lu Verne
Herald.
THIS item would have been pertinent
some months ago. but has 10 excuse
now only to get in a dig at the AD-
VANCE. For months we have had lit
tie or no occasion to say anything of
the brats for since Marshal Lyons went
OIL duty the br!ts have kept shady. La
dies tell us that now they can pass up
street without being pushed off the
sidewalk by dirty lubbers playing mar
bl's i'll front Of the Stores and that
ball p!aying III the Streets, throwing
stones ut houses, breaking windows,
anu vile and insulting language, are
not lis frequent by IS per cent as they
were when the ADVANCE WAS denoun-
cling oratism. This dig OF the Herald's
is altogether out Of place now and
Shows that Miller was hunting for
something to say about tho ADVANCE.
Que Of the Herald employees had oc-
casion Il few months ago, while in
Worthington, to slap al impertihent
brat rountlly, and we think he did
right. We can let Marshal Lyons take
care OF the brats now as we'll us the
;'dult rutiians. AT last we have a
Marshal who is not afraid to overhaul
brat for fear Of offending the ''fool''
parents who were largely responsible
tor the bad behavior of Worthington
children, nor afraid to promptly arrest
any adult offenders. The result is
that there never was such good order
i'll Worthington as there is now.