Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-12-11

AS Darwin died worth f15O, 900, 1t is
evident he devoted attention to the ORR
gin of the specie.
SIT is no use to feel me wrist, DOCTOR"
said Pat, when the physician began TAX
ing his pulse. 'The pain is not there,
sorr, it's in my hid entoirely."
Tom Buford having escaped from a
lnnatic asylum in Kentucky, is going to
run a farm in Ohio. Now we know he is
crazy, to leave comfortable asylum to
work on a farm.
Josh Billings: ''When a man kums to
me for advice, find out the kind of ad-
vice he wants, and give it to him. This
satisfies him that he and 1 are two az
smart men az there is living.
A Quaker's advice to his son on his
wedding day: ''When thee went a-court-
ing told thee to keep thine eyes wide
open. Now that thee is married l tell
thee to keep them half shut"
As a lady was walking on the beach one
day, she was asked if she was not afraid
of the terrific storm then raging. She re-
piled: ''No; prefer the voice of God to
that OF the summer boarder."
Huxley says "there was time when
men walked on all fours." He probably
alludes to that time in the early life of us
all when we approached a neighbor's
melon patch from the back way.
The Detroit Free Press says: ''If you
could see the the girls of Ashantee you
wouldn't blame the king for killing 200 at
once" From all of which we infer that
Ashantee bellies are of the Milwaukee
style of beauty.
eyes, SIR" said Brown, s'if there is one
thing that am proud of, it is this, that
1 always keep my word" every true" !"
replied Fogg, ''but how can you help it,
you know? Did you ever know anybody
who would take it?''
''Do you like candy, map" asked little
Austin boy of his mother. ''No, my son,
it makes me deadly sick" 81 am so glad
to hear it. You are the kind of woman
1 can trust to hold my candy for me un-
til 1 am done playing"
Brown pointed his gun at partridge ::
the cap snapped and the bird few off.
''Just my confounded luck!" exclaimed
Brown; ''mjss fire every time" "Have
patience" counseled Fogg, ''you may
have better luck in the next world"
''What did you think of my train of
thought" asked lecturer of supposed
friend. 81 thought it lacked only one
thing" replied the supposed friend.
"Ah!" responded the delighted lecturer.
''What was that?" ga sleeping carp
was the answer.
A woman bought eleven yards of cloth
and paid for it in butter, giving three
pounds OF. butter for a yard. There was
IA stone weighing five pounds in the cen
ter of the crock, aud the dealer cheated
her yard and half in measuring the
cloth. Who was a head on that trade
and how much?
'My dear, think our Johnny is study
out of school?" asked a loving mother of
the old gentleman. s'Hahl Wait till he
| strains his brains at arithmetic as much
as he did his back at foot ball and then
I'll talk about it. For the present his
brain appears to be in a healthful, semi
| comatoSe condition.
Two countrymen came to a lawyer to
| consult about bringing joinl suit
against neighbor. The first granger
began to tell the lawyer the cause of his
trouble, embellishing it rather literally.
"Don't tell him any lies, BILL interrupt
| ed the other cit is his business to put
| in the lies. You will get him confused il
you go to mixing your lies with his
Just down the interval where the brake
ferns grow rank, she placed her easel and
sat down by it sketching from nature
tPlease, ma'am, is that me you're draw.
ing milking that cow in the picture?'
| "Why, yes, my little man, but l didnt
| kuOW Gudt you WtIc 1OZ j.
it's me-" continued the boy, unmindful OF
| 9he artists confusion, ''you've put me OF
the wrong side of the COW, and I'll gel
kicked way off the lot over the fence"
Perhaps medicine is SO universally required
good cathartc. Swaynes Pills prepared expressl
meet this necessity, being composed of purely veg
etable ingredients Of which podophy:n or mandrake
| sarsaparilIa, yellow dock and other concentrate,
Juices enter largely into their composition; the who'll
strength of which is extracted on an entirely ney
principle They are mild in their operation and ar
truly valuable aperient and anti-bilious medicine
They stimulate the liver to healthy action. cleans
the stomach and bowels of all impurities Curn
sick and nervous headache, dyspepsia indigestion
bousness, fevers. drowsiness, colds. aching pains
slight chlls. with flashes of heat and female rregu
larities. For bilious and costive habit medcin
is prompt and efectual. Mailed receipt Of pric
lin postage stamps 25 cents. or five boxes for 81
Address DR.. Swayne & Son, Philadelphia Pa Asl
your druggist 70 them.