Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-04-20
sQUIRs.


NO" said the Cincinnati, man, II
can't become Christian. l can't bear
to give up reading the local paper"
mo, sir" said the old gentleman,
'my daughter will not marry just at
present. l am not wealthy enough TO
support son-in-law."
San Francisco glories in 364 divorces
for the last year. The one day skipped
was Fourth of July, when everybody
was too drunk to attend to anything
else.
This is the season when the Florida
man, desiring to make trip north,
puts two strawberries in his trunk, and
on arriving here sells them for enough
to pay all expenses.
A Mr.. Pickens of Colorado has be-
come the father of triplets and has
named them Grant, Hayes and Gar
field. Won't they punch the stuffing
out of each other, when they get big
enough.
Probably not one in every hundred
of insured persons ever read all the
fine print in their policies. If they did
and needed it, many lawsuits might
be avoided.
Delaware is responsible for 0,00O,-
600 false teeth last year. But as these
teeth never ache, perhaps Delaware is
to be congratulated on its humanitari-
an manufacture.
Another miraculous cure is reported
from Stamford, Conn, Mr.. Cabbage
head claims to have cured his boy OF
some bad habits by the laying on of
hands.
A fellow down south stole wagon
and used it week before he found
out it was the smallpox ambulance,
and then he couldn't see that it was a
good joke on him.
A Chicago woman, while touring in
Oregon, frightened of bear simply
by shaking her skirts at him. The
motion probably brought her feet into
view.
ever do anything heroic" said the
Vermont man. 81 reckon | did. |
once went bail for neighbor of mine
who wasn't worth two cents"
A Connecticut man wants his name
changed because two of his family have
been hanged. But won't he be doing
injustice to the people whose name he
takes.
A Denver sonambulist is locked in
the city Jail nightly at his own request.
Nothing remarkable. Lots of men in
Dover are locked up in the Jail every
night to prevent their tearing roun d
when they ought to be in bed.
An Albany man contrived to teach
his parrot to talk so well that he had to
pay 81 600 damages because the bird
slandered the character Of a lady in the
neighborho0d. He ought to present
that bird to a sewing society.
Brick Pomery has started the story
that Brigham Young is living in the
mountains of Colorado. We don't see
how Pomeroy could know, for if Brig
ham was hiding it would probably be to
get rid of the society of Brick, and so
he wouldn't Jet Brick find him.
"Here, wiley (hic), I've got 'leven
turkeys for you" "Eleven turkeys,
what do yon mean? There is only one?"
'There must be 'leven, wiley, chic, for
l fell down 'leven times, and every time
l found a turkey"
When the teacher asked what was
the feminine of tailor, small boy on n
front seat in a public school in Brock
ton, Mass, promptly exclaimed ''Dress-
maker" and was greatly delighted
that he was able to get in the answer
first.
Mrs. Jenking didn't present such a
grand layout of food. but she contrived
to have three fresh scandals trotted out
during the afternoon, and somehow the
sewing society went away impressed
with the idea that Mrs. Jenking was
splendid at entertaining, and they had
Just lovely time.
A recent homily on married happi-
ness says "married folks would be hap
pier if they kissed and made up after
every quarrel" The writer has no
basis for his argument. Married folks
do not quarrel. Married folks fight
If you don't believe it. get married.
They had terrible time at Ken
lucky horse race recently. The horse
| that was set down TO be dlstanced took
the bit in his teeth, and in spite of pull
ing, went to the front and won, cleaning
out erybody but green old country
man who had bet on that horse.
b is a hale old bachelor of 90, ordi-
nariy with white hair The other day
friend met him, and exclaimed at
seeing his purple black locks: "How's
this? Have you taken l. dyeing?"
ooh, no." replied B, "but l am in deep
mourning
He had owned setter dog, and this
was the story he told: eyes, sir; the
way that dog was devoted to me was
just amazing. Why, he heard me say
to my wife that | WAS pressed for
money, and he went and died the day
before the dog tax was assessed"
"Do you think, mamma, said a lit
tie one, chat Uncle Reuben is good
man?' "Why, my child, he is the
best of all my brothers. and an excel
lent man." "And will he go to heayenY"
II think so, my child Why do you
ask?' "Oh, nothing much, replied
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