Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1882-02-09
Namurpns department.

The resolution was passed by unanimous
vote, and Brother Gardener added:
81 feel dat way myself. De man who can
pay out an receive money, trabble round de
country, do bizness an keep out OBJ de way OBJ
de butcher carts, mustn't shoot my old woman,
an den plead hereditary, heretofore, hereafter,
or any odder sort oh insanity. De crank who
can't resist de temtation to steal mus keep
out OBJ mp tater patch or take de chances O.
my putin han'full o. shot into his corpus.
De crank who am not morally responsible Tor
his utterances will feel de weight O. my fist de
fust time he calls me liar. De crank who
am not financially responsible wants to keep
right away from me all de week freW. lie
crank who am impelled by Deity, debil or any
odder power to do me bodily injury, had bet
ter be sartin of his aim, fur if he misses me
I'll light down upon him like a ton OBJ de red
dest bricks he eber saw. l dOan 60 cent on
insanity outside oh a lunatic asylum. II
man am luny, put him 'mong the lunatlcs. De
fact dat he am not put dar am reason Tor
holdin' him legally responsible fur ebery act.'
Detroit Free Press.
MELON SToRY.-"My grandfather was very
proud of his melon patch" said the man who
was telling the story, ''and when that big
Well, that melon kept on growing, and finally
it became question Of whether they should
move the house or cut the melon. Grandfath-
er thought great deal of that melon, and he
didn't like to cut it until it was fully ripe.
He thought it over great deal, and finally
decided to move the house. A dozen men
were employed, and the house was moved.
But that melon kept on growing until it be-
came necessary to move the barn OF cut the
melon. Grandfather had the barn moved, and
then the fence. AT last the. melon was ripe.
loHo ,al 10 how lar Nc
feast, so he invited the neighbOrs for miles
around. He employed two men with cleavers
to cut the melon. At last the eventful day
arrived, and hundreds of people stood around
with open eyes and mouths. Finally the mel
on was cut open, and to the dismay of all it
was found to be hollow. "A negro named sam
johnson was inside. He had tunneled his
way under the melon, cut hole, and eaten
his way through. There were thoughts OF
lynching him, but he died before the plan was
carried out"
A FEMALE KNIGHT OF PYTHIAs.-A wo-
man in Bay City, Michigan, disguised herself
as a man and clerked in a store for year,
and then applied for membership in the knights
of Pythias and was initiated. During the
work of the Third Degreeher sex was discover
ed It seems that in the Third Degree they
have an India rubber rat and cellulold
snake, which run by clockWork inside. and
which was very natural indeed. The idea IS
to let them run at the candidate to see it ne
will finch. When the snake ran, at the girl
she kept her nerve all right, but when the rat
tried to run up her trousers leg she grabbed
her imaginary skirts in both hands and Jump
ed into refrigerator that was standing near,
(which is used in the work of the Fourth De-
gree), and screamed bloody murder. The girl
is a member of the order, however, and there
is no help for it. This affair may open the
eyes of members of secret societies and cause
them to investigate. One lodge here we un-
derstand, takes precautions against the admlS-
sion of woman by carefully examining the
feet of the applicant. If the feet are cold
enough to freeze ice cream the candidate is
blackballed.
How THE CALF GREw.-On one of the
railroads running out of Detroit the passenger
train made sudden halt between stations
the other day, and an old woman, who was
travelling with the usual accompaniment OF
parcels whirled herself around and inquired
of the passenger behind: -
''Have we corlided with anything ?"
81 guess not."
''Then what did we stop for p"
'tThere was calf on the track, believe. ="
That satisfied her for that time, but in half an
hour there was another stop to pack a hot
journal. G. ......'
ssWhat on airth is the matter now 20 she
inquired, as she tried to push up the window.
''Nothing-nothing- cow on the
track, he replied, as he continued his reading.
The third halt was made just outside OF
station for wood, and as she heard the whis-
tie and felt the train slowing down, she got
a brace for her feet and called out:
ssFirSt a calf and then a COW, and now they
are going to bump right into yoke OF oxen
and string us all to flinders If they kill me
the old man won't settle for less'n $500 in
cash !''-Detroit Press. -
A PRACTICAL CHANGE OF HEART.--At
colored revival the other night, Jim Brown
experienced change of heart. Yesterday
he met Parson Brown, who asked him: us
yer gwine ter stick, James ?" ''Bet yer bot
tom dollar: Use sticking like der seed-tick
in der Spring OBJ de yeah'' CPS glad yer talk
in dat strain" said the parson; 'but kin yer
pass yard fence after dark Whar dar is close
hangin' out widout histin' yer leg ober de
fence % ''Do you expect me to become
saint in one day ?'' said James. 's1's gospel
infant what has to be fed on light diet"
had lined the gospel band and started home,
passed Colonel Jones' house. hadn't moan
past his yard when l found was carrin' two
OBJ his old rooSters. Satan must hab showed
dem fowls in my hands" "Jim, yer gwine
ter bring der church ter discredit." ''Dat's
what my conscience tole me an went and
put dem old roosters back and got two young
pullets to brile" ''Don't tell lies, jim"
''You jis 90 wild me and hab some oh the stuff
fin. can smell 'em brilin'." He went.
On The commercial traveller while in
Tennessee approached a stranger as the train
was about to start, and said:
care you going on this train ?"
s'I am''
Have you any baggage ?"
ssNo.n
''Well, my friend, you can do me favor
and it won't cost you anything. You see, I've
got two rOusing big trunks and they always
make me pay extra for one of them. You can
get one checked on your ticket, and We'll eu-
cher them. See 20
Eyes, I see !; but haven't any ticket"
''But I thought you said you were going on
this train 20
$50 am. I'm the conductor"
''Oh!r
He paid extra as usual.
'TwoULD MAKE No DIFFERENCE.-A
bright youth, undergoing examination few
days since for admission to one of the depart
ments at Washington, found himself confront
ed with the question
''What is the distance from the earth to the
sun 20
Not having the exact number of miles with
him. he wrote in reply
II am unable to state accurately, but
don't believe the sun is near enough 10 inter-
fere with proper performance of my duties