Smyrna times., 1882-09-27
WHOLE NO. 1920.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.

New Workers are greatly stuck up
,ver the fact that Philadelphia has not
yet developed as big a rogue as Tweed.
Nitroglyccrine torpedoes are now
used for clearing farm lands of stumps.
You put the torpedo under a stump
make your will, say your prayers and
touch it off.
Murmur not at aflliction. for often it
Is a blessing in disguise. 4 member Of
the Iowa Legislature is so deaf that he
has not been able to hear campaign
brass band for five years.
Pennsylvania infant industries do
not seem to need any further protection.
4 Pennsylvania woman named Marsh.
married twcnty-one years. is the mother
of twcnty-thrcc children.
The Lowell Citizen man has been
looking through lot of city directories.
and this Is the conclusion he comes to:
The man who marYies girl by the
name Of Smith may be regarded as
public bcncractor.
In the German army more and more
attention is being paid to the science
Of erostatics, and officers are being
/ trained to make balloon ascensions.
What handy things a lot Of balloons
would be in 4 retreat.
\ Philadelphia man left home yestcr-
day morning with 4 market basket:
saying that was going to ask the
butcher if he had any of those imported
Chicago sirloins steaks at ten cents.
He has not been seen since, and foul
play is suspected.
The question Of how a young couple
can live on Sl5 week is being discuss
cd in some Of the papers. \ Cincin-
natl deacon says it can't be done at all,
as it would take - for rent and s. for
beer and picnics. thus leaving only $3
for food and clothing
\ gentleman who was playing bill
: lizards in Toronto happened to touch
: one of the billiard balls with the end
( of his cigar The billiard ball immedi-
/, atcly took fire and burned rupidly.
a Blliardists should be careful not to
= breathe on the balls so much.
i 4 vein of coal is alleged to have been
! discovered while digging a well at
Elizabcthtown, Lancaster county. Ma
ture is very perverse. Halfthe miner
al wealth in the country has been dis
70 covered. not by those who hunted fol
W it. but by men who were industriously
10 digging for something else.
Dr Nothing like understanding human
Of nature said a successful bookagent
nt In the Winter and Spring l peddl'
ID books on Summer travels; in the Sum
st mer, works on Artic exploration, anC
or in the Autumn, when leaves are read.
= for pressing, I peddle family Bibles
n big dictionaries and encyclopedias.
" The rope with which a Kansas muI
III derer was hanged has been woven int
ne bookmarks and given to the cOnvictin
NJ jury as keepsakes; the rope with whic
t. the innocent Malley boys were not hun
Ne should be given to Mrs Cramer to DIR
clothes on. 1t is not the repe's faul
that it has been no use in the world.
on oh, I've just had such a scare
o,. exclaimed prim and pale housewife
= g. feel as if l should faint" ''Wh.
- what's the matter?" was aske
- - WELL she replied, "yOu may NJ
~ believe it. but as sure as l live tn
-. new girl deliberately opened the parl'
80 shutters and the sun was shining rig
~ in"
1t a Which arm-the right or the left
,ide should be given lady when waikiki
ell. in a crowded street ?-GeOrge.
lem Philadelphia and other orderly citi
for give her the right arm, so that she m;
en's not be jostled by the passing crow
will In Chicago and St. Louis give her I
the left arm and carry your right hand
, of your pistol-pocket.
te ; A man never loses anything by bel
Oh polite. A Buffalo gentleman waiti
Elns for a train at Aylmer, Ontario, saw
ohs' woman slip upon something and neal
oery fall. He hurried to assist her a
1ls- helped her to rise, and as he did so 5
ehce dropped valise which proved to
his own. which he had left in the del
a few minutes before, and which :
and was attempting to steal.-BOstOn PC
my 60