Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1882-06-28
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.
me OF the trunk-tossers-Jumbo.
travelling sOOT-RaiIway cinders.


com mon: They are seldom caught out
OF their own Standardization Post.
WHY is a locomotive like beefsteak
Because it Is good for nothing without
it's tender.
NEwEsTreceipt for making picnic lemo-
made. One tub of water; one card, with
the word Lemonade" thereon, tackled
upon 1t.
A YOUNG lady, on being asked where
her native place was, replied: 81 have
none; am the daughter of Methodist
minister.
THE peddler said the spuff he sold was
not to be sneezed at, and the old lady
said she'd see him tarred and feathered
before she'd buy any.
ANGELINA NO, we do not think it
would be practicable to feed the live
stock on an ocean steamer in the trough
OF the sea.-BOstOn Post.
THOMAS HARDx's new novel is "Two
on Tower" Ii he refers to newly
married couple, his spelling is erroneous.
Narration Independent.
ONE of the colored pupils at Hamp-
ton (Va.) Instituted the opposite mean
ings of "pro" and "con" by giving as
example progress and congress.
elbows crops?" asked the sandy pig,
looking through the fence. "Wormy,
awfully wormy," replied the speckled
hen, diligently following the man at the
pillow.
CHE was the most perfect gentleman
| ever saw" said Kentuckian of Henry
Clay. "When you went to see him he
handed you the whisky bottle and then
turned his back"
aim high in life, and the lad went out
and shot cow. Beef was about the
highest thing he could find to aim at
-PhaladelphiG Chronicle,
CT SEE that Mr.. Bonner has paid
$4,000 for my little sister. It must
make papa and mamma feel good to see
how their daughters are getting into the
first families. Maud S.
"THE Manners that Win " is the title
of new book on etiquette This, we
presume, is intended to teach a man how
to look unconcerned when he holds four
aces Steuben Republican.
SWEET GIRL-"Is it wicked to sing
that song on Sundays ?" Brother Jack
=" Yes, it is wicked to sing it any day."
"Why ?" "Because it makes people
swear. "-Phil0delohi0 NesUs.
A CABLE dispatch that ga mine was
discovered in street in Moscow, Rus
STA, % was headed by an innocent journal
istic head-writer as 81 bonanza" in
Moscow. - Burlington HaaOkeye.
IT is said Victor Hugo's desks are full
of unpublished manuscripts. It is pre-
somed he dsesn't preserve the "respect-
fully declined notes which accompany
their return. -NorristoaOa Herald.
BOSTON complains of the "earthy
taste" III the city water. Suppose Bos-
ton people must have heavenly favor
added to water before they will drink it
contentedly.-NeaO Havoaa Register.
GAM I hurting you badly?" asked a
Boston dentist of lady whose teeth he
was fixing, and who was emitting horri-
BILE groans. F'Oh, not In the least, but
I love to groan, " was the ly.-Bostom
Globe.
SOME heartless wretch broke into a
farmers house the other night and
moved the bottoms of all his strawberry
boxes nearly four inches nearer the
lower end. The perpetrators of this
for it, if they can be found. -Haa0kege.
"Now, George, you must divide the
cake honorably with your brother
Charles" "What is honorable, mother?"
cit means that you must give him the
largest piece. ''Then, mother, I'd
rather Charley would divide it. -
SOCRATES, Aristotle. Gnosticism, PA
tonism, Christian Mysticism, Philosophy
of the Bagavad Gita ard Fichte's works,
are the subjects of some of the lectures
to be delivered before the Concord school
of philosophy next summer. Lovers
of rollicking fun ought to attend In large
numbers.
JUST about this time the journeyman
barber of African descent throws aside
his razor and HES to the seaside hotel as
waiter. The first day at the table he
whisks your napkin around your neck
and startles the dining room by ejacula-
ting, s. Hair cut, or shave?" It's force
of habit.
MAYBE" said the juror, "the man
who made that will was not insane, but
it was proven that he refused to climb
fence when he saw cross bull coming,
because, he said, it was beneath his dig
nifty, and we concluded that II ne wasn't
crazy he was burned fool, and the will
had to bust.
"SEE here!" yelled the farmer to the
city chap who had just fred into flock
of ducks on the pond down back of the
house. "Those are not wild ducks.
Those are domestic ducks, sir" "Can't
help it, sir, if they are," answered the
city chap, calmly reloading. "They're
just as good for my purpose, exactly. -
LOaUeW Citizen.
THERE'S heap of uncertainty about
women. That's just what the Columbia
College students are thinking to them
selves. They had torchlight parade
in New York, late the other night, and
their route led them past Rutgers Fe-
male College, in Fifth Avenue. Some
girls in chemises appeared at the upper
windows and hilariously waved sheet.
Did the fellows gleefully cheer They
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