Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1882-09-13
,~aTass sUpsRrLUoUs rEsr.


The vest is useless article of apparel
worn by man. 1t is an encumbrance
handed down from past generations and
perpetuated only through pure stupid
Fity. In old times it was termed
waistcoat." 1t was then a veritable
coat, intended for, the protection of The
body. The regular coat over it $50
tected only the back and arms. being
cut entirely away from the breast The
vest Of to-day is rudimentary garment.
1t is simply yestige of former fashion.
In summer it would be gladly dispensed
with did people dare to do so. 1t adds
another thickness for the retention Of
animal heat. In winter an additional
thickness Of coat would serve the pur~
pose OF o vest. The vest. as to use. ID
simply needless coat without arms. 1t
is principally useful to tailors, enabling
them to charge for an additional need
less piece of cloth. Vests always sur
yise other garments. A man will wear
out three coats and four pairs of trousers
to one vest. Such is the force Of eus-
tom that no man would dare 10 tuy'a
suit of clothes without the vest, though
teutand worn in sueha manner that the
vest is Invisible perpetually As for
vest pockets they are nuisance. Tlfey
become sinkholes for old matches and
notes thrust in in hurry, which ones
wife finds because she knows where to
look for them. When robbers rob "a
man. they show their contempt for the
vest by not taking it. They will de-
prive man of his trousers and coat.
They leave the vest. OF what use is a
man clad only in vest? The vest is
only a cause, and almost an excuse for
poor-titting garments. Any man looks
better in buttoned-up coat, a la mill
tdire. But the vest perpetuates the
frock. double-breasted coat Though why
called double-breasted none can clearly
telp; and the fit of such coat never lasts
over two months, since it depends almost
entirely on the tailor's stiffening and
smoothing iron. These are stern facts.
A bas the vest. Betus form a society
for the abolition OF the vest. The vest
is useless even in charity. Who would
give a beggar vest? 1t would be
mockery.-Ne,c York Graphic.
JONES SCHEME.
gS"Jeptha,' said Mrs Jones, III You
viii get the baby to sleep I viii pick
over the currants for the jelly and have
them all ready for the morning."
"Can't do it," said Mr.. Jones, who
was at his desk up stairs; ct have a
scheme to map out tonight, but taking
care of the baby isn't part of it."
"Oh, he won't trouble you let him
run around little and he'll be sleepy
enough to go to bed. What is your
scheme? new railroad to the moon ?"
asked Mrs. J., trifingly. @~
3 "No, !" answered Jones, with his pen
in his mouth, "but it's railroad that I
predict will yet run right through our
garden, making the property worth-let
me see--the right of way will be through
the currant.bush row, and take in the
arbor and the fountain--of course must
sell the whole property at my own price
and then we'll build a mansion. See,
Maria?'
"Yes, see," replied Mrs. Jones
but just now the cufrants are spelling;
take good care of the baby" ana she at
once vanished down stairs.
She hadn't been there long before she
heard peculiar thump, thump, bump,
bumb, on the stairs. followed by
terrific scream. and running in found
the baby sprawling on his back in the
front hall, beating the air with his hands
and feet, while his infantile mouth
emitted shrek after shrek his mother
picked him up, satisfied herself that no
bones were broken, and then turned ON
the delinquent Jones.
"How could you ?" she gasped
severely, with look IT keen reproach.
81 couldn't" answered Jones meekly,
81 didn't try to; he did it all himself
without any reference to me r.
"Oh," sneered Mrs. j. sarcastically,
" he isn't half as much importance as
an old railroad on paper, bless his dear,
little, broken head 7 He's nothing but
the baby and not OF enough consequence
TO have part in papa's great schemes,
poor little tootsy pootsy r.
"Yes. lie is, answered Jones, briskiy,
che constitutes at present the entire
rolling stock. Detroit Post.
FROM MOHAMMED,s TABLE TALK.
Say not, if people do good to us we
will do good to them, and if people OPP
press us we will Cypress them; but re-
solve that if people do good to yor you
will do good to them, and if they oppress
you oppress them not again. sss7ss J.
The world and all things in it are val
liable, but the most valuable thing in
the world is virtuous woman.
am no more than man.. When or
der you anything with respect TO reli-
gion, reverence it; and when / order
You about the affairs Of the world, then
am nothing more than man. ~
TEE secrets Of Life are not shown ex.
oept to symtathy and likeness. -Mon