davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
Fishy CuriOSities.

Apther remarkable property of some
of tlse creatures is the possession of
a st(nach so capable Of distention that
it ca hold a prey of twice or thrice the,
bulk of its destroyer. DIR. Gunther
gives figures of two or three fish with
disteIled stomachs and Mr.. johnson,
his associate in this investigation, writes
of reeimen which he procured in Ma
deirl: ta
"Nhe man from whom [ obtained it
stata that he had a fish with two heads,
two MOUTHS, four eyes, and tail growing
out the middle of the back, which had
astoished the whole market; and the
fishermen, one and all, declared they
had ever met anything like it before.
At fist sight it really did appear to be
the 1onster described but short ex-
animation brought to light the fact that
one sh had been swallowed by another,
and hat the features of the former were
seenthrough the extensible skin of the
latte. On extracting the fish that had
beenswallowed, it proved : ! to
havea diameter several times exceeding
that Of its enemy, whose stomach it
had distended to an unnatural and
painul degree" The action performed
by tie fish in these cases is not, how
ever, real swallowing, but more
like he similar process executed by SER
penis Ell. ~ ...s
TIs interest Of DR.. Gunther's book
doesnot end with the account of deep
sea 1shes, but the chapters devoted to
thatsubiect and to classification illus
tratt the most striking discoveries that
hav been recently made in iehthy ology.
Amng the curiosities Of fsh-life that
pleae and amuse as well as instruct, Is
the tory of the fghting-fsh of Siam,
whi{h, on seeing another of its species,
or eEen its own image, in a mirror, be-
comes suddenly excited, and OF which,
though it is dull in hue at other times,
!sstht raised fins and the whole body
shine with metallic colors of dazzling
beatty, while the projected gill-mem-
bra1e, waving like black frill round
the throat, adds something of grotesque-
nessto the general appearance" The
Sianese are infatuated with the conabats
of these fishes, stalking on the results
considerable sums. and sometimes their
persons and families, while the license
to e1hibit fish-fghts is farmed and brings
in Nd small revenue to the royal treas
urv.- Popular Science Monthly.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
Legal Jokes.

Lord ellen thorough, noted as nang7
ing Judge, having said he would take
beet for dinrer, was told he'd g be sure
to like it, because it was well hung"
Perhaps the grimmest joke on that
subject was that of Mr.. Justice Page,
also well-known hanging Judge, who,
being asked after his health as he. was
coming out of court, answered ): I" Pretty
well .you see / keep just hanging on
hanging en-" as1
The first story in the book is that OF
the only lawyer who ever went to heaven.
He was refused admission by st. Peter,
but having thrown his hat inside was
allowed to go in to get. it, and having
once got in, as st. Peter could not leave
the gate to turn him out, refused to
come out again. One of the last is that OF
a French advocate who left all his money
to lunatic asylum, and in his will said
that as he had made it all from litigants
it was only restitution; while, as
pendant to the epitaph on lawyer
which said that he had shown thai
illegal knowledge was the plainest. east
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
Plant a Tree.
[San Francisco Post,l

He must be queer man who has
lived thirty years in this world without
planting a tree. He is good dea
queerer one who has lived sixty
years without planting tree. A man
SO dead to all that is beautiful, and so
dull to all that is kind, in the world,
cannot have any large expectations in
the world to come. What would st.
Peter think of a man seventy years old,
trying to get into Heaven, the place OF
sublime beauty, and yet admittin q that
he never planted tree nor shrub Ill
this world, either to shelter those who
had lived after him. or to perpetuate
his own memory. We fancy the keeper
OF the keys of the two next worlds would
say to him, cit is too beautiful in here
for such as you to enjoy it--youI had
better knock at the iron door, and go
to the other place, a barren and I'M
slightly world that looks like the one you
have left would look if everybody who
has lived in it had done no more to beau,
tify it than you have The other. day
we asked barber who is a philosopher
what he thought we would all do in
HeaYen-all Of us who got thereby
way Of occupation, and whether or not
be thought we would all be loafers las
some good but tired people, longing for
life to come all of rest, insist-or
whether we should have just enough of
work, and not too much, to make us still
more happy. He said he thought we
should find work and happiness both in
! flying back and forth to the gates of the
outer walls to let our friends in as they
come, and then showing them, over the
world of glory and beauty: In that
case we should say he would have to
be an extra good angel who wonld letin
any old codger who had lived in this
world nearly hundred years without
adding SO much as one leaf of beauty
and shelter to hutter, in the air after he
had gone. And think of the task Of
showing such man over Heaven, and
trying to point out to his cold dull senyes
the beauties of that world, when he
had lived in another world seventy
years without discovering any of the
beauties of it! Who would want to un-
dertake such drear and hopeless task?
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
wASHIN aroN NOTES.

The members of the WASHINGTON
Monument Association are indignant over the
roposi ion that the monument, when COM
rltted is to be used rs signal station. or in
connection with the Weather Bureau They dc
not intend that any such use is to be made OF
the monument, and, being the legal custodans,
have the power to prevent it.
Some Washington ladies have formed
a secret society with a view to exposing polti-
clans vino place abandoned women in the de-
partments
The report of the Commissioners of
the General Land Office last year showed the
disposal of land by cash sales to amount to
l,5oI6l7 acres. This years report will show
under the same head $685. 99 acres of
agricultural lands alone to which should be
aided sales of 37,064 acres under the Mineral
Land act, and 166, O55 acres under the Desert
Land act, and 1874 acres of coal lands The
homestead entry last year converted 5.O2S. 100
acres, while for the fiscal year just closed there
We're taken Under this act tho enormous area Of
7,347, 72g acres.
Two of the three road-agents who
robbed United States mail coach near Globe,
Arizona, and killed two of the passengers, were
pursued captured and hanged by citizens. The
third robber is in jail.
Gen. Martin D. Hardin has been de-
tailed to relieve Col Samuel D. Sturgis as Gov
ernor of the Soldiers Home in the District of
Columbia.
DR.. d. W. Bliss has written letter
to the Board of Audit appointed to settle the
expenses of the illness of the late President, in
which he sets forth in oetail his claim to remu-
neration. He asserts his receipts from his
practice at the time he was called to attend the
late President were about ST., 500 month; that
this practice was to q great extent broken up
by the engrossing nature of his duties at the
Executive Mansion, and that the direct pecun-
larry loss resulting therefrom, and from subse-
quent ill health caused by the long-continued
about $4,000. He thinks he should receive as
compensation Cor his losses and his services to
the late President the sum of $4,000. DIR.
Reyburn puts in a claim for $4,000.
The Postofice Department, beside
being self-sustaining the past year, will have
$1,000, 900 surplus to put into the treasury
The Treasury Department with an
appropriation of $4,000 is about to establish
at the chief Atlantic seaports quarantine sta
tions for imported CATTLE
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
The Hog.

Mr.. F. D. Coburn, who has written a
useful book on swine, suggests in the
Breeders Gazette that champions and
defenders of the " much maligned hog"
who maintain that he is the ''cleanest of
all domestic animals if he only has a
fair chance" might as well tell farmers
who really know his habits that he is a
singing bird or works well in harness.
The truth of the matter appears to be
about as follows: "He cannot be induced
to eat so much mush and sweet milk
that he will not be willing to travel some
distance to interview the carcass OF a
mule or COW deceased fortnight before.
suspect chat he would abandon the
laughing brooklet at any time for an
hours repose in a bath of mud, mortar,
manure and nastiness of such con-
sistency as he likes. Of course this is
all very shocking as well as new to some
folks, yet the hog can do all these
things and still be more clearly than
most dogs or a good many people. He
has his little peculiarities, but back Of
all of them he is chuck full of merit and
meat"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
FOREIGN NEWS.

Trevelyan, Chief Secretary for Ireland.
was well received on his visit to Belfast, the
Mayor greeting him with an address of well
come, and pledging him the support of the
people. In his speech in reply Trevelyan laid
down a policy rather more liberal than that
hitherto observedinthe government OF Ireland.
He announced the purpose of I'll eminent
to distinguish between po4 jal and
criminal acts, to pay no attention to the former,
but against ouuages to wage undying and I'M
relenting war.
A project is on foot in London for
placing bust of Henry W. Longfellow in West
Minister Abbey.
The English spinners are in despon-
dent state. Recent takings of stock by some
companies show that no profits have been
made.
B. Wright & Son, worsted spinners of
Bradford, England, have failed, with liabilities
of 100000.
Outrages upon the Jews have recon-
menced in the interior of Poland, and the Off
Gals are represented as very apathetic in re-
gard thereto.
Six sub, constables who are supposed
to have originated the agitation among the Irish
constabulary were ordered transferred to north
ern counties, whereupon they resigned. The
Government forbade the use of the telegraph
for communication between members of the
force, and the entire constabulary of Limerick
held public meeting to protest.
Details of the outbreak at the capital
of Corea show that the life of the King was
spared, but the mob murdered the Queen, hel
son aud his afianced BRIDE and thirteen Min
listers of state. 1t is said that Japan will exac
the most rigid PREPARATION for the outrages, and
if this is denied win declare war and avengt
the outrage on her representatives with blood.
reprsals. A fleet has been dispatched to tn,
port nearest the capital of Corea.
Calcutta dispatches report fearful
rioting between Hindoos and Mohammedans
at Salem, India. Men, women and children
were beheaded and their corpses thrown into
the drinking wells.
The poet Tennyson indorses the pro
ject to place bust of Longfellow in Westmin
ster Abbey.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
NUMBER ID.
GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES.
Loves InquiSition,

" How often have been in loYep
What an exhaustive queryl
70 count the tars that shine above
Not more my mind would weary. tF
:" You blush for me !''-I see you do;
Your bushes are becoming;
Z" You want to hear the whole list through!n
Well, IN attempt the summing.
My nrstlove !-0h, those cunning eurls
The wind blew all about so!
My rose of roses! Pearl of pearls =
wish you wouldn't pout So
I'm not stole !'-She is fair;
Not tall, but very stately .t
She's sweet and kind beyond compare:
She's-i es, I've seen her lately.
My second 2"-This is like charades.
Well, she at first was icy,
As was warm; but, like all maids,
Time made things versa-vice.
AZ ought to b ashamed PPM noti
1 didn't start the question;
You asked me to describe the lot
"You're sure twas my SUGGESTION"
Well l'll-" Go on !''-Of course will
Let's see: The third was impish-
As bright as steel aud never still;
Her hair inclined to crimpish.
She used to dote on me, 1 know;
AT least, she said so often.
heart as hard as rock to dough
Her sunny smile would soften: -. --.
loved the rustic of her dress;
loved the Don't be silly ~
AL right; won't. But don't distress
Yourself, to be so chilly. HtI
"Dont be sarcastic, but proceed
To number four r-With easure,
She was the sort of girl you read
About. Aperfect treasure
Her eyes would thrill me through and through
And-shade of General Harrison -
When she first kissed me, honey-dew
Was acid by comparison.
loved that girl with all my heart;
III love her to my dying
Day II" You and had better parti
You hate me !'-Why, you're cryingl
DON'T dear THE list that repeat ..
l only mean in fun love;
Fair, icy, impish, sunny-sweet-
You're all of them in one, love. i-t
You are my first love and my last; ..l
1 never loved another;
Kiss me, and say the storm is past
Confound it, Here's your motherI
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
Anxious to HeIp.

Senator Va1Sce, of North Carolina,
frequently illustrates his speeches with
anecdotes, OF rather parallels, which he
relates in manner that seldom fails to
bring down the house, no matter how
much the majority may disagree with
him politically. Speaking one day
against bill which he considered
@penny wise but pound foolish" he
said it reminded him of a kind old man
who lives at the top Of hill in North
Carolina. One day a WAGNER came by
and unfortunately got his team "stalled"
at the foot of the hill. To the old mans
house he went, asking the loan Of pair
of mules and a "fifth chain" to help
him up the hill. Said the kind old man !:
my friend, I have not got pair OF
mules or fifth chain to save your life.
But I am always anxious to help man
in distress I can lend you the best i'd
die you ever drew bow across.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
THE NEWS CONDENSED.
Hast
DOMESTIC ITEMS,

Fire burned the Adirondack Hotel,
Nolette House and thirty buildings, comprising
stores and dwellings, at Keesville, N. Y. Loss,
100000 insured.
The main mills of the Syracuse On. Y. }
Iron Works were burned. Loss, 5000, 600; in
surance, s54, 900. Three hundred men are
thrown out of work
Hon. A. W. Sawyer, formerly Justice
of the Supreme Court of New Hampshire died
in the hands of a physician, who was giving
him ether in order to amputate his foot.
Little Brown jug made four attempts
at Poughkeepsie to beat his record of 2dlsl,
but could only make 2:18.
A Coroner's jury at Paterson, N. j..
held James Kennedy for manslaughter. for
locking his children in garnet when attacked
by smallpox.
The Erie railroad elevator at Buffalo.
valued at 100000, took fire from an explos on
Of DUST and was destroyed. Five men we're
burned to death and another fatally injured.
By the use of a magnetic rod, mine
locator has found off the harbcr Of Erie the
wreck Of the schooner Vermilion, which was
sunk in storm nearly half century ago, with
$50 tons of copper on board, valued at $780,
600. lf
President Arthur, accompanied by
large party of representative men, visited the
torpedo station off Newport last week, and was
shown wonders IN naval warfare until he grew
weary. At a dinner given him by Cornelius
Vanderbilt, the walls of the room we're hidden
from view by flowers, and at each plate were
twelve glasses and $25 bouquet.
Timothy Bailey, soldier in the war
of 1912, the inventor of the knitting machine,
died at Ballston, N. Y.
The leading importers of dry goods at
New York report steady increase in the de-
mand for silks, cashmeres and velvets.
A temperance worker at Augusta, Me-.
secured a warrant against the officers of an
express company for bringing liquors 10 the
city. TIE Deputy Sheriff broke the locks of
the storehouse and seized sixty-two cases Of
beer. AS it was being loaded upon the wagons
the crowd drove away the drivers and carried
Off about half the cases, several persons being
seriously hurt.
Martha and Flora Crosley and Minnie
Peddick, aged respectively IA, II and 70 years
were drowned in the Juniata river, near Hunt
ingdon, Pa
The reports of the mine inspectors of
the anthracite coal region of Pennsylvania
show that during the past year 237 miners were
killed, and over 1000 injured.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

SAID a singer to farmer, 81 would
like to engage board with you for q
month" The husbandman looked at
him for moment, then asked: "What
do you do for hvin'?'' "Oh, sing In
church choir in the CITY," You do,
Ell? Well, you can't board with me. :
"Why not?'' gasped the wondering
warbler. "Cause, replied the soil tiller,
"the last fellow who boarded with ne
was a singer, and he had such thun-
derin' bass voice that every time he
growled all the milk in the cellar turned
sour"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

est and shortest way to the end of strife, .
we may set the saying of Langlois, when
asked why he took on him to plead bad
causes, that he had lost so many. good
ones or the. answer of Lord Lyndhurst
to the defendant in person who "f cared
that he would have fool for his client, .
that the saying "was framed by the
lawyers. Pal Mall Gazette. Ja
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

The thirteen States yielded in 1879 $685.
912.0t bushels, while the crop for the whole
county was 459, 479, 900 bushels. The yield of
theses ates was in that year 8O15 per cent. of
the t{al crop. II this year also these selected
State embraced 801a per cent. of the whole
crop, hen the 4S0, 100, 900 bushels which the
a.ovestimate suggests as the probable yield
IN ttse States would represent 500, 100000
bushb as the probable yield for all the States
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

A LARGE number of Southern States
notably Texas, North Carolina and Ken
tucky-have local option laws whereby
any county or community can submit
the question of prohibition to the popu-
lar vote, while others prohibit the sale
of liquors outside Of the towns.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

IT is thought that the demand for
cheap insulating material has been met
by discovery of method by which
wood. sawdust, cotton waste, paper pulp
and other fibrous substances can be con-
verted into a material perfectly i'm
peryious to moisture and acids, easily
nodded under pressure into any shape,
and capable of being worked Or cut into
any form. This material is an excellent
non conductor of electricity, and can be
used for all forms of battery cells, tele-
graph insulators, supports Tor electric
light leads and telephone work. 1t af-
ford, the means of securing perfect IN
sulation at very much less cost than
ebonite or gutta pereha.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

d. McBrian; Superintendent of Public Instrue-
ton, J. s. Whitem N Associate Justice of the
Supreme Court, L. G. Uhl. The following
were nominated or CongressmeHa Large: 81.
L. Philips, JohnDAyls, Allen Willlms (colored),
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

At Lunenburg, Va, while Garland
whitfield stick IN the courtroom for fifteen
minutes, the jury acquitted him of the murder
of Addison in duel.
The hangman swung off Robert Par
ker, at Aiken, s. c., for poisoning his wife last
December; William Bryan, at Jacksonville,
Fla, for the assassination of Jack Moore, and
james Redden, negro of Newcastle, Del, for
an outrage on awhile girl
Two colored prisoners, Savage and
James, convicted of murder in 1881, and who
had been granted new trial, while being taken
to the Court House, were riddled with bullets
at Madison, Fla, by a mob, who stopped the
train to perform their dreadful work.
The recent killing of Col. L. W.
h. Blair, at Camden S. O.. by Capt ]. L. Halle,
has been followed by the suicide Of the Colonel's
daughter. Blair's father took his own life when
a member of Congress, and his grandfather was
hanged fol-. murder.
A desperate leap for liberty was taken
by noted burglar of North Carolina, who,
handcuffed and tied, sprang out of car win
dow and went down precipice of eighty feet
where he disappeared
A dispatch from Monroe, n c., says
the party of six young ladies engaged in walk
ing across North Carolina had reached that
point, 400 miles from their starting point and
would go home by rail- One night they camped
in cemetery and slept between the graves; at
another time they came upon bear. Their
log-book contains /, 246 pages of incidents.
Eighty-two new cases of yellow fever
developed at Brownsville, Texas, in one day,
eight deaths occurring. A revenue cutter, with
medical aid and supplies, had reached the
stricken town. Ten cases of yellow fever were
buletined at Pensacola, Ha., producing panic
and general leave-taklng Of the inhabitants
From the cotton fields of the South
comes a call for white labor, the planters rer,
resenting that the negro has become so en-
crossed in politics that he can't find time tc
cultivate the growing stalks.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
THE WHEAT CROP.

he following figures indicate what appears
to the probable yield of wheat in thirteen of
thfprincipal grain-growing States, compared
oe 1ozo
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01

MANY a genius las been slow of
growth. Oaks that flourish for 1000
years do not spring up into beauty like
q reed.-C4eOrqe Henry Leaoea
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-09-01
A novelette, inLetters.
FROM MRS. MORTIMER TO ALGERNoN t.
ESQ, WHITES CLUE. ]

lFKoM MRS MORTIMER TO ALGERNON t..
ESQ, WHITES CLUB.
Ny DEAR ALGY:. I write to Won in tbe
greatest distress. A short time ago in
a weak moment. raised little money
on some of my husbands family plate
and the vulgar person who advanced the
cash has Just informed me that unless I
pay him before the end of the week he
will put in what he calls can execution"
or something dreadful of that sort. To
add to my troubles, John may be back
any day from Carlsbad. I don't know
what to do. Perhaps you understand
these matters. Will you look in to-
morrow after six and give me the benefit
of your advice? l am all alone and do
so want little sympathy. Tout tot.
NELLIE MORTIMER.
P. SIT is only matter of wretched
*oUu Hg.
IRON A1eERNoN t. TO MRS. MORTIMER.
CHESTER SQUARE.
My DEAR MRS. MORTIMER: I cannot
tell you how much [ sympathize with
you. To my endless regret am obliged
to go North tonight, otherwise nothing
would have kept me from Chester Square
tomorrow. Couldn't a lawyer fellow
manage this business for you? His adj
vice would probably be better worth
following than that of yours always,
ALGFRNoN T.
FROM MRS. MORTIMER TO THE HON. Ed
WARD @, HoUNsLow
DEAR DOLLY: | know that you are
awfully good natured, and would do any,
thing to help Beauty is distress. have
a debt of $500, which 1 must pay be-
fore Saturday, aud dare not apply to
John. l have serious thoughts of either
chloral or the River Thames. Your UNI
fortunate cousin, NELLIE MORTIMER.
FROM THE HON. EDWARD O., BoU NSLow
BARRACKS, TO MRS. MO aTIMER.
DEAR NELLIE: Don't do anything
rash. would take the liberty of ask
ing you to make use of my check-book,
hut, unfortunately, 1 am afraid that any
OF the contents thereof which you might
use would be returned Endorsed with an
ominous "N. s." You know that there
is nothing wouldn't do for you, even
to selling Ranger and the Colonel, but
am afraid that, at the present time of
the year, they would not fetch more
than ESQ at the outside, at Tattersall's.
Yours very regretfully, EDWARD @.
FROM MRS. MORTIMER TO JOHN MoRTI-
MER, ESQ, CARLSBAD.
MY DEAR JOHN [ am almost too
frightened to write to you. For the last
two months l have had a debt (Which,
for our limited income, is, 1 fear, very
large one) hanging over me. Unless [
dreadful will happen. Can you forgive
me9 Yours, very penitently,
NELLIE MORTIMER.
FROM JOHN MORTIMER TO MRS. MoRTT-
MER. .-.-.
DEAR NELL: Check for e300 in
closed. Why didn't you let me know
before? Be q good little woman and