Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-09-07
HUMOR.


Mrs. Emma d. E. n. Southworth is
now at work on her sixtieth novel.
Whoa Emma.
The only housework some girls do Is
when they begin TO dust around after
beau.
'Good morning. Mr.. Beown, you're
first a. last; you used TO be behind be-
fore, but | notice you have been getting
early OF late"
If short man ever feels overcome
with an intense desire to be tall, II Is
when he finds himself on the outside of
the crowd at a dog fight.
A lady named Mary Magui-ah had
trouble in lighting her ti-ah. The wood
being green she used kerosene. Pause.
Then continue solemnly:) She has
gone whore the fuel is drlah.
''Tm a ruta baga, and here's where |
plant myself" said tram AS he en-
tered farm house, snd seated him.
self at the table. I'VE alters bile ours"
said the farmers wife, and soused him
with dish-pan of boiling water.
An old gentleman of eighty-four hav-
ing taken to the alter damsel of six
teen, the clergyman said to him; "You
will End the font at the other end Of
the church., "What do | want with
the font?' asked the'eld man. 81 beg
your pardon" said the cleric wit, 81
thought you had brought the child to
be christened:"
A lawyer to avenge himself upon an
opponent, wrote the word Rascal" in
his hat. The owner of the hat took it
up, looked ruefully into it, and turn
ing to the Judge, exclaimed, 81 claim
the protection of the honorable court
The opening counsel has written his
name in my hat, and | have u strong
suspicion that nc intends TO make way
with it..
A maiden lady, not remarkable for
either youth, beauty or good temper,
came for advice to Mr.. Arnold, as to
how she could get rid of a trouble
some sutton. "Ohl marry him marry
him. he advised. "Nay, | would see
him hanged first" No, madam; mar
ny him, as | said to you, and I'll as
sure you it will not be long before he
hangs himself"
As the father was starting on horse
back for trip across the plain, his boy
sang out, Good bye, papa; | love you
thirty miles long" That certainly was
very neat, aud the father must have
felt proud of his boy. But the little
sister, not to be outdone in affection,
called out, Goodbye, papa; you will
never be able to ride to the end of my
love-"
The compositor who was told he
might when setting up a speech insert
cloud applause or Cheers in order
to fill out the line, was summarily dis
charged when he made the applica-
ton general and set up an obituary
notice as follows: "Lhe announce
ment was made yesterday that our
highly respected citizen Mr.. -,
fell dead in the street.-the APP
plause, etc.
A reasonable request; Some one
claims to have found this legend writ
ten in Leadville church. please 40
not shoot at the organist; he is doing
his best"
The great optic nerve: The power of
the human eye can only be fully ap-
preciated when well-regulated wink
will change a bottle of tonic beer into
bottle of lager in spite of the label.
Pastoral peculiarly; "In the coun-
try" says a boarding house victim, 81
find nothing at all but insects, on the
leg or on the wing, but insects on
everything This accounts for the
moths covered bucket.
A useful citizen: whats this |" ex-
claimed Michael, reading the legend
on a new invention, "'Pat. applied
for?' Faith, an whin there's inny
worruk to be done poor Pat is always
applied for, bad look to 'em !"
Macon county, Georgia, has citizen
who has buried six wives and is now
living with the seventh. He has been
kept so busy getting married and at
tending funerals that he only weighs
ninety eight pounds.
Circumstances alter cases: Young
man-"Aim high" says Emerson.
"Aim low" said General Jackson
Which is right2 Depends on whether
you're aiming at the moon or at
melon-thief crawling off on his hands
and knees.
A Nashville woman who had been
slande,ed by a young man attacked the
youth in the street with a butcher
knife, hacked away until lie ran, and,
says local paper, conducted herself
like q perfect lady throughout the
affair.
Miss Kreuger carried a gun to the
wedding of Gottleib Summers at Can
ton, Ono, and, after the husband and
wife had retired for the night, fred into
their bedroom through window.
Her excuse vas that she ought to have
been the bride.
Between fashionables: THAT internal
tailor of mine has disappointed me
again, confound him | wish could
fpd some way of Furnishing the beast"
'1ll attend to that-he shall be pun
ished Adequately fearful revenge
He shall be ruinedp "How?" II
Will transfer my custom to him ~