The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-10-06
WHY WE LAUGH.

| AZ oo oiSPoseu VI unueI IAo nsumof-n
carpet tack.
Could Pagan-ini be call an in-fddel.-Bai.
timore american.
There are no pumps where the cocoanut
grows, which, perhaps, accounts for the milk
| in 1t.
Wolseley's Egyptian motto 10 "Nile desper'
andum," which means 81 will win glory or
bust"
What Adam said Oh beholding the first
sunrise: "Go west, my sun, 60 west"-N.
Y. Post.
"Give US q rest" was invented by Archim-
edes when he offered to move the world with
his lever.
The historical beetle has travelled TO Eu-
rope, but the mosquito stays to hum.-Con:.
merclal Bulletin.
'sBoots blscked inside" 10 posted at door
way on Washington street. But who wants
his boots blacked inside?
The Egyptian flea 10 larger than the Amer
lean grasshopper, and when be bites he means
business, which Is felt all over.
Seventy million gallons Of whisky are an.
nually consumed In the United States, which
accounts for the high cost ofcloves and burnt
coffee.
Next we shall have q coat-tail filtration
code. Having the tails covered with mud
will mean, 81 don't like her father."-N. 0.
Picayune.
In Springfield, Mass, stand side by side
schoolhouse, q church, and Jail. The resi-
dents refer to the trio IS "education, saliva
tion and damuation.r
The girls of the Sunny cline describe this
world IS one Of "bustle, toll and care" We
agree with them-the women have eli the
hustle, and the men have all the toll and
care.
The Signal Service Is now ready to an
nounce the approach Of cyclones over six
hours in advance. This will give most men
time to pay old debts and return borrowed
tools.
In boring an artesian we'll In California
the drill struck the bones Of . whale sixty
feet under ground. He was, perhaps, look
ing for short cut from the Pacific 10 Hud.
sons Bay.
When a man kums to me for advice,
find out the kind ov advice he wants, and
give 1t to him; this satisfys him that he and
Josh Billings.
An agricultural fair Is hsrse race with
the exception of the address on farming that
is made by the lawyer who gets his work in
rs political candidate, though he knows
nothing about the farm.
The 10000 pairs of blue-glass spectacles
for Che English soldiers in Egypt had hardly
reached there when the war ended. There
was nothing sore-eyed in the way the red
coats wound up the rebellion.
Up to the year 1900 only one person in
$50 could read or write. Tailors had to dun
In person, and when young man wanted
10 let . girl know that he loved her he had
to meet her at the gate and come right to the
point.
A colored congregation In Austin recently
discharged their pastor because he made too
frequent and uncomplimentary reference to
"de powers OBJ darkness" That kind of
talk did not match the complexion Of the
congregation.
A Missouri tree has yielded 800 rails, 800 |
fence posts, ten cords of wood, twelve squir-
rels, aud one raccoon. It IL supposed to
have been 800 years old. And the man who
tells the story Is supposed to be one Of the
ablest liars In tho southwest.
Peelle's key note reminds US of the poets
description of storm in Kansas:
The bull-frog raised his tail on high
And bounded DER the plain;
The humble bee went laundering by,
And then came down the rain.
Alexander Il. Stephens, in q recent speech
at Macon, Ga, became so exhausted by his
effort that he was obliged to take some kind
of stimnlant. Pausing for . moment, he
said: "You will excuse me, fellow w-citizens,
for taking little pure Jeffersonian Democ.
racy," (producing . vial and drinking.)
Chow far is 1t to Clyde?" asked . weary
looking tramp on the towpsth, Of an urchin,
the other day. "Nine miles," replied the
lad. "Nine miles, yet ?" exclaimed tho
footman. "Are you sure?'' SWELL" said
the sympathetic youth, ''seeing you are
pretty tired, will call it seven."-Lyons
Press.
'You say that you were present when my
son was killed?" said an Arkansaw gentle
man to . man who had just arrived from
Colorado. "Yes, sir, I was present." "How
did the fight occur ?" "Well, you see, your
son and fellow got into . dispute and the
felloy struck your son with quart bottle of
whiskey, fracturing his skull and killing
him instantly" ''Struck him with . bottle
Of whisky! Well, since the poor boy had TO
die, I'm glad that he died . natural DEATH"
Arkdnsdto Trdreler.