The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-09-27
COMIC COMMENTS.

N0MkG GOMMEhI6s
Too frisky. A famous oheese-maker
ordered pictures of his product from Paris
photographer. On seeing the proof, which
really was very bad, he said "This won't
do. Confound you, my cheese never looked
liks that" 'tAh, SIR" said the photog-
arher, "but, you see, it moved. lis
Figaro.
IA question of wind; Barber to Gus
toner, who, awaiting his turn to be shaved,
is tanning himself vigorously with copy OF
tho New York Herald =" There are plenty
of fans lying around the shop; why don't
you use one instead of that newspapera"
Customer" Because there's moro wind
in this paper."-2ne Judge.
"A clincher: Before the colored folks
broke up their debating society, this ques-
ton was up for debate: "Am. FIRE more
useful dan iron ~ The affirmative would
have gained il had not sable member on
the other side thrown this bombshell: Eff
1t hadn't been fer iron de white folks would
or bin lickin' de niggers tel yit."--Jasper,
CO., Times.
Only her husband: Mrs McCoble, an
Austin lady, rebuked her colored cook, Ma
tilla Snowfall, in the following words:
"When I hired You you said you didn't
have any male friends and now I find man
in the kitchen half the timen "Lor bresa
your soul, he amt no male friend of mine.r
Who is he, then2" He am only my
husband. "-7eras Settings.
With Grant: az was with Grant, said
the bareheaded stranger, Eat Long Branch"
"Ah,' interrupted kind man, "you are
veteran of the late war and need money to
buy loaf of bread" mo; no." continued
the stranger, al was with Grant. He was
pulled out Of the wrecked car first and, con-
found him. he walked off with my haiti
Neio Orleane Picayune.
The dog and the baby: Mrs. Van
Rennselaer-"N Now, are you sure you have
oil the needs Tor the journeyP His cup and
his pillow, his saucer for milk and the bis
cult 7" Maid-"oul, madame. (And then
with a relapse into brogue and some anxiety
| An how about the baby, mum?" Mrs. Van
II. "Oh, her father has her 1t Is as much
us can do to look after Bijou. Our Con-
Hatnt
Art in the West Art, as IL finds en-
preston in the columns of Western newspa-
pers, is sometimes confusing. Mother"
asked pupil of an Iowa public school, pick
ing up country journal and pointing to an
engraving that covered the greater part Of
the front page, lis that map of the moon3"
mo, my child" she responded. "That h
picture Of Guiteau's execution. ~ Brook
ign Eagle
Unsatisfactory arithmetic. Parsou-
81 wish to complain, Mrs. Diggins, Of the
conduct of your daughter at the Sunday
school to-day 1t was rude to tho extreme"
Mrs. D.--"Ah, it's what they taches her Of
that there board school as dun it; yesterday
she come home and she says: Mother,
they are attaching Of mo vulgar fraxshuns-'
What can you expex after that, sir a"-Lon-
don Fun.
Important requisite: eyes" said the
gentleman who wanted to join the crack vol
unteer regiment, 81 went all through the
war, and have tho documents to show first-
class record I'm SIX feet and one inch high,
sound as nut, know the manuel Of arms
and am posted on military tactics" "Yes,r
sold the commandment, those qualifications
are no objection, but what waltz step do you
dance 2"--Boston Post.
--Acrobatic: A news item says that the
best female circus rider in Russia is Doune-
dretisky, who "turns q double somersault
through hoop and carries her name, which
is painted in the centre, along with hers
To turn double somersault through hoor
may not BIO very remarkable feat, but to
get her name through without knocking Cd
some of its corners is certainly an astonish-
ing performance. No7istosoa Herald
"A jack-knifo codicil: A farmers will
was presented for probate Ut was in old
days. to an Arch-deacon during his vista
ton. He found q name scratched out
The widow stepped forward and explained.
~ tells you how he be, sir. When we
comes to look into the will we secs eco left
to John Wheeler What's he got to do
with masters money! says !. So gets q
knife and US scratches him out, and that's
just how he be, sir."-M oslsys Oxford Re-
mintsce1ices
In polite phrase: A gentleman admires
q charming woman over whose head the
swarms of seventeen-year locusts have passed
at least thrice. But, say" says one Of
his friends, "she's very charming, know
still, you must admit that she is wrinkled."
= Wrinkledl |" echoes the chivalrous lover.
"No, sirl There may be the indelible Inn
preston of smile upon her face here and
there, but that is all "--From the French.
"A sweet girl; They were looking at
the painting. It's perfectly lovely,n said
she; "but what makes the animals look so
queer? They don't look natural one bit"
"Oh," said he; "they look right little
way off. They are fore-shortened, you
know" EYES," she replied; "they do
look short, but there aren't four Of them,
George; ct least can see but three"
George says Clara doesn't know much about
art, but she is such sweet girl.--Boston
Transcript.
Righteous Indignation: 1t was at
circus, Herr Signor Won d. Smithjonesky
was going through his thrilling act in the
cage of live lions, when suddenly one of the
beasts sprang upon him and took generous
bite out of his leg. Intense excitement, in
the midst of which pious woman is heard
exclaiming, "Come, let US get out of this
Sodom before the centre-pole falls and
crushes us The idea Of lion that eats
meat on Friday !''-- German Jokx.