Connecticut western news., 1882-07-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

"When tree is fallen every one goes to it with his hatchet."
 IT is strange that woman can ever be found to marry king, for everybody knows that the king always beats the queen. n.-Bostom Transcript.
 THE average American IS noisy per son, In & firecracker way he feels obliged to go to heathenish China for more noise with which to celebrate his Christian Christmas. a
 IF board at the seaside is $20 week, what must it be at the mountain sum- mer resorts, thousands of feet above the level of the sea, where the living is so much higher ?-NorriStoaOn Herald.
 FROM the persistency with which the Haavkeye man writes about young fell lows being kicked off front porticos by enraged parents, we can't help wonder ing what sort of time he had when he was courting. Boston Post.
 WHEN boy feels called upon to go West and tackle grizzlies he should be shut up in yard for fifteen minutes with dog about as big as a cider bar rel. If that doesn't cure him then he was cut out for great bear hunter.
 LAST year the banjo fever ragged among fashionable ladies. This year the proper thing is to play the violin, and many of the bellies of New York are learning the accomplishment, and the neigbbors are all taking to the woods. Bloomington Eye.
 "GEoRaB," said uncertainties to the small boy, eff you don't behave better shall send you to bed fifteen minutes before your usual time," and then George put in this poser "I say, mother, when do behave first rate why do you not let me stay up fifteen minutes beyond my regular time Boston Commercial Bulletin.
 LAST Sunday, as an Austin clergyman was vending his way to the sanctuary X he saw boy with fishing pole over his shoulder, going in the opposite di- rection. "Don't you know you are 8 bad boy ?" "Yes, sir" "Don't your father ever punish you?" "Yes, sir last summer he made me go to Sunday school twice. ."-7eras Sftings.
 THEY have kept track of 400 Vassar College girls who have married off in the last fifteen years, and thirty of them are reported to have married husbands worth over $2,000 each. Nevertheless it is great comfort for man to return from his work and have his little wife meet him at the gate in four languages and landscape. e.-Detroa Free Press.
 SOME mean people get more than they want. A man of this kind met physi- clan in company and after describing all his ailments said, "Now, then, what shall take ?" The M. D., who knew the fellow, looked at him blandly and replied, "My dear sir, you tell me ot very dangerous symptoms and ask what you shall take. I'll tell you. Take the advice of a good doctor and pay him for 1t"
 sT HAS mashed my finger" howled a boy, running into the room where his mother was sitting. (Which finger p' asked the mother. "I have forgot, " said the child, as he stopped crying: "Wait till go back and find out When he "found out" he went back into the house and yelled for half an hour, and the poor mother didn't have sense enough to thrash him. -ArkGTl- saaO IrdUeIer.
 A PROMINENT granger from Onion Creek was in Austin the other day. De- string to obtain some reliable figures about the oat ciop, we asked him if he could tell us precisely how many acres he had in oats and how many bushels he raised to the acre. 'I can't give you the precise figures, but I raised heap, sold right smart, and I've got a powerful lot left. "-Teras SJttngs.
 CHAM used to tell of the customer in Paris cafe calling the waiter to him and demanding, as he held an object on his fork, "What's this ?' "That," re- piled the attendant, with critical gravity, s'is a dogskiu glove, No. T." "And is that the proper thing to put in gen tleman's breakfast ?" "Good gracious, sir what would youp Do you expect to find tifteen-franc umbrella in fif- teen-sous plate of hash p
 FANoY Job printing! Thus read the exclamation, and so thought we. The idea of @ man afflicted as Job was being engaged ill the business of printing is preposterous. Fsucy him lowering over case with his boily arms, picking up agate and diamond with his boily fingers, and ever and anon craning his boily neck to decipher the illegible copy though why the matter has been opened up at this late day is not clear. Job is dead. Cinciranati Saturday Night. "MAMMA, dear," said a New Haven l, girl just in the flush of womanhood, "I have something to tell you. George has proposed and I have accepted" "My child, I cannot think of you thus disgracing yourself. George is not ) suitable match for you. Besides, this would make him as one of the family ] and he would pay no more board. :" Thus will be seen the incompatability of boarding house girl falling in love with one of the boarders. .-Nes0 HdVe'a Register.
 AN editor is reported to have visited Cincinnati recently, who, for comforts sake, purchased pair of secondhand boots, good as new, which fitted him to | TT Ara0