The National tribune., 1882-06-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

Gold goes in at any gate except that of
heaven.
A good looking lass loves a good looking
glass.
1t does not take much to turn the head of
q crank.
The clam has larger mouth in proportion
to its size than a human being, yet clam
never talks about his neighbor.
A Philadelphia man has figured up that
he will save $500 on ice cream, carriage hire
and theater tickets this year. He has mar
ried the girl.
Many people regard religion very much
as they regard smallpox. They desire to
have it as light as possible; and are very
careful that it does not mark them.
A Cleveland alderman smokes to make
himself think, and the town is unanimous
that he shall be allowed to use all the to-
bacco there is -Courier-JOurnal
st. Louis young women eagerly hope that
the new style of stockings that have an
apartment for each toe, will be large enough
for use out there.-C0urier-.J Journal
Nothing can rival the naughty stare of the
high and mighty coachman who sits perched
among his robes waiting for his master and
pities the millionaire who is walking in the
street below-Ne,0 York Herald.
Henry Edmunds, of Charlotte county, Va,
is willing to swear that his hound swallowed
rabbit it caught, without biting it, and that
the rabbit, working from within, killed the
dog, and slipped ont again. His neighbors
say that he svears easily.
4 young would-be Wit in Lewiston, Me-,
who attempted to chaff half-intoxicated
lumberman, was greeted with: mind my
own business. l know what you are. We
make No. 2 clothes-pins out of such stock as
you up our way. You git"
"What did Emerson write, papa!" asked
a Ninth street young lady of her father the
other day, after reading an account of the
death of that celebrated author. "Emer-
son?" replied paterfamilias, scratching his
head, " Emerson? oh, yes. 1 remember now.
Emerson wrote song-and-dance called The
Big Sunfower.' Used to do it himself in the
minstrels q number of years ago!"
This is the way Western editor talks to
his readers: If you don't like this paper,
which is published for the people now living
on earth, and have complaints and charges
to make, see the city editor, and he will
talk it all over calmly and confidentially.
But approach him with care and dignity
about the same way that you would ap-
proach Bengal tiger. Be guarded on this
point, and don't talk him to death-a man
who walk the streets of the New Jerusa-
lem.
Mr.. QuillhOpper on wind and dust: Yes,
gentlemen, that was rather q severe storm
here a few days ago, bat wouldn't compare
with some I've seen. Why, a wind came
along here 4 few years ago that lifted
street-car clear from the track, and held it
against the side of house for four days |
Another time | saw barrel of ashes picked |
up at the Union depot, just as was leaving
for Denver, and I'll be hanged if that barrel |
wasn't carried every foot of the way out |
there, and then dropped in a back yard !
owned by brother Of the man who had it
in st. Louis. And dust! Why, one day |
while / was shinglinS my house, L nailed |
the shingles all over the roof, and thought |
it took great many shingles to do it. Well, |
when I came to investigate, found L had |
been mailing them on to the dust! Another |
time" But q bystander considerably .
killed him, and the recording angel had .
time to sharpen her pencil-.St. Louis Hor-
net.