Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-07-06
HUMOROUS.

shell?
Old Boreas is to pass his Summer va
cation with US, perhaps.
The saddest consequences of a great
mans death are the verses that are
written to his memory.
Life is love, and love is eternity
Peck's Sun. And eternity is just too
tedious for anything.
Always look on the right side ; a
mighty ugly hired girl can ring the
bell for a mighty good dinner.
An advertisement in western paper
says: "Lost-Two COWS ; one of them
Is bull" So is the adv ertisement.
That is bon ton family, indeed, on
Fifth avenue, New York, who calls the
servant who washes and takes care OF
dishes, 'our minister to China.
Woman's grief is like a summer
storm, short as it is violent.-Joanna
Baike. And that's why the widows
marry so quick.-Erchange. How
about the widoWers.
An agricultural paper says. "1ou
can make your hens so lean they won't
lay" Man alive. that isn't what ails the
hens at our boarding house. They are
80 lean they can't stand.
''Ike has an irritating skin disease"
Mrs. Darlington says. Charlotte russo
broke out al over him, and if he hadn't
wore Irjun beads as an omelet it would
doubtless have eliminated fatally"
Full many an ache of soreness deep
and keen, the waking, of nights Ca
rousal bear; full many man, who
with ''the boys" hath been, feels in the
morn his wife's hands in his hair.
SIS there anything" writes Mr.. Old,
boy, chat will make the hair grow on
bald heads ?" Indeed and indeed
brother Oldboy, there is not. If the
hair would grow on them they would
not be bald.
They say there is man in Gunnison
county only twenty-six years old WIG
has killed twenty-seven men already
1t is very rare that young physician
attains practice like that at the age
of twenty-six.
"Green, let me introduce you to my
friend Brown" Green-"How are you
Brown? Brown-"It's my color, and
can't help it. Hsw are you, Green p
Green evidently didn't like the joke
for he changed color.
Gen. Grants son-in-law, Algernor
Sartoris, is to swim race with another
man on the Thames, in August for ST..
600 side. And yet some persons feared
when Nellie Grant married Sartosis
that she was getting a mere nobody
The young man. it appears, has some
talent.
A horse ran away at Hornesville and
knocked down an ACCORDION player
who was playing for all he was worth
seriously injured, and his instrument
damaged beyond repair. 1t is not al
ways best to restrain a horse when he
wants to run away.
81 don't care so much about the loss
of my thumb, as a thumb" said the
grocer, whose horse had amputated the
member; ''but as a source Of profit
shall miss it. [ measured that thumb
IN the shape of beans, meal and mo,
lasses nigh unto a thousand times
| Well, my wife can't afford new par
lor this spring.
"Rufus, what come OBJ your brudder?'
"What brudder you mean, mammy?T
"What brudder?" Now, Rufus, is you
guine to hibernate dat dar's been a
freshet OBJ boys in your family?" "No,
nanny, hain't intermatin', but you
knows de ole man tux seben OBJ dem of
on a clam hunt dis mornin', and nine
OBJ de rest hain't cum home from last
nights coon runpus, and free oh de
balance am down wild de measles, an
less you means Glenn, dis kermittee
can't glib no report"
A bald-headed man who purchased Il
front seat to show of the Black Crook
brand, explained that he could not
hear very well. A few nights later he
was seem a lecture, sitting oa a seat
farthest fl I'M the stage. Of course he
might have fully recovered his hearing
in three days, but such apparent incon-
gruities are apt to occasion remarks.
Two of the brokers were watching *
lady who was sitting in the gallery yes
terday, and wondering who she was,
when they noticed another broker walk
up and speak to her. "Now | don't
know who she is" said one of the brok-
ers. ''She's Jacks wife" How do you
know" Because he neither took off
his hat nor shook hands when he spoke
to her" That settled it.
A man living near Burlington, VT,
recently got divorced from his wife,
whom he Low employs as hired girl,
but he can't see what he gains by the
operation. She demands So a week,
the washing sent out, three nights and
an afternoon off, besides the privilege
of having company in the kitchen, and
now threatens to leave if he does not
introduce into the house all the mod
ern mprOvements.
''There's forger down here" yelled
a little boy to a policeman on the
street, last Saturday. "Where" asked
the policeman. "Come and III show
you," said the boy. He led the way to
blacksmith shop, and pointing to the
smith, said: "There's the forger forg-
ing" And then the boy had such i'm
portant business up the street that the
policeman couldn't get within fifty rods
of him.
Renaissance is pronounced "ruhna-
songs" 1t means, literally, born again,
or new birth. 1t is generally applied
to the style of decorative art revived by
Raphael, during the ponti6cate of Leo.
A good many people talk fuently about
renaissance who don't know the differ
ence between Corinthian entablature
and s. bologna sausage. The present
custom of Singing big words among
people who do not pay their bills is be-
coming too spontaneous and too obvi-