St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-07-28
SquibS.

gives pam IN Jne neau-l vi CltN Biz
zard.
A friend meeting Pat one day, said,
"Paddy, did you ever see the queen ?"
''See the queen, is it ?" said Pat. "No;
but had an uncle that Onst very near
ly saw the iulle of York"
Salutation Station master, to suspi-
cious-loolling lady (aged) who has Just
entered Il premiere-cla compartment:
care you first-class, ma'amP" Aged
lady-"Yes, thank You; how are you,
irF- London Life.
Life's pleasures: ''Am | hurting you
badlyg" asked Il Boston dentist of a
lady whose teeth he was fixing and
who was emitting horrible groans.
"Oh, not in the least, but | love to
groan," was the reply. - Boston
Globe.
Did he steal the dog? eyes, Judge"
said the prisoner, 81 admit that the
back of my trousers were tangled in
the dogs teeth and that dragged the
animal away, but if you call that steal
ing dog no man on earth is safe from
committing crime Boston Post.
Samuel Shinn offered the following:
"Resolved, dat we take no mans state
ment of how his thermometer stood on
any sartin day dis summer, onless ac-
companied by an affidavy six feet
square" The resolution was adopted
by a unanimous vote Detroit Free
Press.
The cOmpOsitOr who dropped box
of commas on his feet remained for
long time in II cOmatose condition.
N. Y. Com. Adv.
During a thunder storm out west, Il
book canvasser took shelter under
tree and was struck on the cheek by
lightning. The doctors say the light
! ming can't live Puck.
'DOn't You think | have good face
for the stage ?" asked young lady
with histriOnic aspirations. 81 don't
know about the stage" replied her gal
liant companion, "but You have a love-
ly face for IA buss p n. Y. Com. Adv.
; A young man in train was making
fun of lady's hat to an elderly gentle
man in the seat with him. "Yes," said
, his seat mate, ''that's my wife, and
told her if she wore that bonnet that
l some fool would make fun of it," The
n young man slid out.
! Country woman Ito parson, who had
l called to ask why Johnny, the eldest,
a had not lately been to school) l)-"Why,
he was thirteen years old last week,
l sir Pm sure he've had school enough.
L He must know almost everything
now!" ParsOn- "'Thirteen, Mrs. Nap
u PERI Why, that's nothing. | didn't
finish my education till | was %"
Country wOman-''LOr, sir You don't
mean to say you were such thick
head as thatm
S. J. P, Chattanooga, Tenn: 81 have
a valuable hen that will insist on set
ting on six eggs. How can prevent
# her doing so ?n We have referred your
letter to our poultry critic. He says
there are many ways to prevent your
Il hen from engaging in sedentary pur-
a suits on Il capital of six eggs. He sug
gests that you add another egg-or
% that you use the eggs i'll IA custard pie,
but he says if you want a dead sure
thing boil the hen Texas Siftings.
> Some men begin to be lucky when
d they are mere boys. A twelveyears-
Is old boy shot a cat in Leadville last
week, but fortunately missed the cat
and killed an influential citizen who
was asleep i'll the back yard of a neigh
boring saloon. As the influential cIti-
"a zen happened to he a delegate from
a Texas, who had killed several men,
lie and of whom the Leadville police had
e a holy horror, the joy of the citizens
r was great. The boy received an ova-
X ton. The mayor made a neat little
III speech on presenting him with gold
IN mounted revolver. AS the boy ex-
ot pressed a desire to be raised for the
m ministry, fund was raised to send
nj him to a theological institute. Moth
a
~ cat Texas Siftihgs.
- Once more the regular annual effort
''' has been made in the House of Lords
ID to pass the bill making it legal for IL
man to marry his deceased wife's sis
AZ ter. The wild, uncomfortable desire,
the eager, uncOnquerable ambition, the
one nnfading dream of an Englishman's
,d life, to marry his sister-in-law, is some
st thing that is not felt and can not be
he appreciated in any other country in
of the world. II has been wild struggle
4 for centuries to get this bill passed
re and why it was not incorporated in tn,
lie magma chaita, or the gunpowder plot
in or something of that sort, we can't un
ev dcrstaEd. We suppose, if this bill eve
vn does pass, and the unfettered English
# man is suddenly turned loose upon hi,
as mother-in-law family, there won't be
ed II deceased wife's sister in all Eng
, a land left unmarried within thirty min
n utes after the passage of the bill
ON Burlington Hawkeye.
re, The following story has recently
Id gone the round of the German papers
de On the morning of the recent ECLIPSE
ne Capt Won $ of the - fusilcer,
ne issued the following verbal order t.
p his company, through his sergeant.
ss major, to be communicated to the mcr
le- after forenoon parade: "This after
noon Il solar eclipse will take place
At 3 o'clock the whole company viii
III. parade in the barrack yard. Fatigue
Jackets and caps. shall explain the
ne eclipse to the men. Should it rail-
at, they will assemble in the drill shed.
The sergeant-majOr, having set dowr
rl, his commanding officers instruction
m in writing, as he had understood them
at formed the company into a hollow
of square at the conclusion of the morn
ep ing drill. and read his version of tn,
p order to them, thus ''This afternoon
IN. solar eclipse will take place in til,
'ur barrack yard by order of the captain
,ur and will be attended by the whole
nd company in fatigue jackets and caps
he The captain will conduct the sOla
as eclipse in person Should it rain th'
ed eclipse will take place in the drill
ny shed"
ers heard Mrs. Mary Livermore tell 4
we story the other day of Il little girl wh'
ace ran home from school all out of breath
iin with-"Oh, please, ma, may get mar