Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1882-12-22
ALL SORTS OFITEMs,

it.
Muck is another name for peat
Danas Theology. Then Peter must
mean mucker.
A broken promise can never be
mended. A new one must be made
to take its place.
characteristics of rich man-The
elegance of his carriage and the lofti-
ness of his gate.
An owner of two race horses often
finds it difficult to keep up with his
running expenses.
The young man who "went off like
a shot" probably found too much
powder on his girls cheek.
Gladstone seems to be a bigger
man than President Arthur. Arab
Bey isn't able to pass the canal bill
over his veto.
The best reason yet advanced for
having Monday washing day, the next
day after Sunday, is because cleanl-
ness is next to godliness.
A rash Louisvillian offered to bet
$50 that certain individual had been
IN the peniteDtiary. He had to pay
$3.50 in a suit for slander.
The following bill was lately pre-.
sented to farmer in Sussex: ITO
hanging two barn doors and myself
seven hours, four shillings and six
pense."
1t has been ungallantly said that
the telephone does what society rules
have always been unequal to-com-
pels women who use il to talk one at
a time.
Make hay while the sun shines''
is venerable old adage, but with the
sun shining in the nineties, the man
who makes hay is apt to get sun
struck.
1t may seem a paradox, but it IL,
nevertheless, fact, that, hit q man
upon whatever part of the body you
will. the blow is sure to 60 against
his stomach.
Said the rich and quiet-loving citi-
zen: IF man bores me, and I don't
like him and want him to keep away
from me, I don't snub him. I Just
lend him $5.
Walt Whitman exclaims in one Of
his poems: "Give me solituder'
Very easily obtained, sir. Start to
take up collection for the Washing
ton Monument.
One man can deceive anuder in de
matter of friendship, but it amt dat
way wild women. Among women
dar's perfeck un'erstandin' dat da
doan put no confidence in each other.
Little Lottie to her friend: II
have SO many cares. Yesterday lit
tie baby sister arrived and papa is on
q journey. It was but piece OF luck
that mamma was home to take care
of it."
A young man having asked q girl
if he might go home with her from
singing-school and been refused, said,
YOU'RE as full of airs as a musical
box" Perhaps so," she retorted;
''but if am, I don't 60 with a crank"
The giddy gilded youth this sea-
son are catching on to the fact that
it pro6teth man to buy q new over
coat with which to cover up an old
suit of clothes rather than buy Q new
suit Of clothes to be covered up by an
old overcoat.
"See here. why didn't some Of you
firemen save the piano that was in
that burning housef asked . gentle
man of the engineer Of the fire brig
ade, who replied, I'VE couldn't save
the piano because none Of us could
play upon it" s 4 q eas
That was frank reply to a friends
intimation of his approaching mar
riage: II should make my compli-
ments to both of you; but as don't
know the young lady, I can't felicitate
you, and I know you 30 well that I
can't felicitate her"
A certain gentleman recently lost
his wife, and a young miss Of six
years, who came to the funeral. said
to his little daughter. of about the
same age, "Your pa will marry again,
won't he?" ''Oh, yes" was the re-
ply, "but not till after the funeral~
I wanter know wat pse charged
wid," asked a colored lady of justice
of the peace. "You are charged with
stealing goose" said the justice.
swell, dat's all right. I can prove
my honesty. I can show that It was
a gander what / stole. Go ahead
wild yer law, Mr.. Jedge"
Which arm-the right or left.
should be given lady when walking
on a crowded street, George. IN
Philadelphia and other orderly cities
give her the right arm, so that she
may not be jostled by the passing
crowd. In Chicago and ST Louis
give her the left arm and carry your
right in your pistol pocket
A Connecticut optician has in
vented spectacles that he claims will
enable any one to read small type
under water" We cannot believe
that short-sighted man would care
to stay under water longer than tho
time it would take to read column
of nonpariel market reports So We
fear the invention is lacking n prac-
tical utility.
The Oswego Times relates the fol-
lowing: At a hotel in this city Sat-
urday couple from the country, Of
Milesian extraction, took seats at the
dinner table. Directly after young
couple seated themselves opposite,
and the young man took a stalk Of
celery from the dish and commenced
eating it. The old lady opposite
looked at him a moment with an
air Of disgust, and then nudged her
husband and said, in stage whisper,
"D'ye moind the blackguard ateing
the bokays"
A very lovely but willful girl went
to her father, a celebrated lawyer,
and said: "Father, / want to marry
- manning a handsome but ut
terly worthless suitor); ''may Ip'