Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-07-07
Our kALEIn0SCApE

out rings 10 their noses. Sumo people that
we might mention will do well to steer clear
of Tallahassee,
Arab Bey, who was an almost penniltss
fellah two or three years ago, has within the
las! two months bought palace in the fash.
ionable quarter of Cairo for 5000 600 There
are lots of pennless fellahs round here who
ought to go to Egypt and grow up with the
Nile-ists, as it were.
1t is minated that Chaplain Hicks, who
acted as Guiteau's spiritual adviser, will lee
turc. Hickscusc us, please.
Peter Vinegar was lynched in Kansas The
crowd soured on him and his motherooulIut
I'VE him.
What with elections and Arctic expeditions
the polls are very popular and now big
boom is being worked up for poed cattle.
1t is strange that a woman can ever be
found to marry king, for everybody knows
that the king always beats the queen.-Bo,.
ton 7rannnpt. The little joker, love, gets
away with both OF them.
A dead cat and some broken pieces of
old dishes are blooming on the grave of
Brigham Young. All tickle, tickle wo-
man !-Loutsvile Courier-Journal
A Summer resort hotel is called the ARC
tic House." That is the place where they
soon freeze on to a guests trunk if he
doesn't keep up with his board bill,-Nor.
Herald.
All good people wish for peace and plenty
but ii small boy is to have plenty of pie
he will require more than one piece. Ne,0
orleans Ptcayune.
1t isn't that a man means 10 lie abou
snakes, but when one two feet long comes at
him it looks as big as II flre-engnc hose.
Somerriile Journal.
More than half the newspapers In The
world are printed in the English language
that is TO say, in such English as the writer's
happen to have on hand. LVuisvils
Courlr-Journal.
Ii few more women will Just invent
few more medicines and have their portraits
published with the eriisements thereof,
the daily paper will soon look like photo
graph album.-Brlington Uankeye.
After a citizen of Wilmington had eaten
heartily OF meat at dinner he was told that
it was baked dog and he went outside and
was sick to that extent that sea-sicl man
could have pitied him. Afterwards he
learned that he had eaten mutton, and it took
three men to held him while the fellow who
had told him 1t was dog got out Of sight
.SonierrHle Journal.
Professor Ball now estimates the age Of
the world at 1000, 900 years. He had to set
1t back that far to allow for the origin Of
some of the clowns jokes Boston Post.
A judge elected for his popularity among
the boys, has recently decided that mans
residence is where he gets his washing done.
This is rough on the average bachelor. Nee
Orleans Picayune.
| Elahdieuh DJanmoe and Laura Foneadiel.
M were married at Carlisle, Pa, the other
day. A few more events like this would
give the marital institution a very hard name.
They were both Kiowas at school there
Ne,o Haren Register.
Reports of the revival OF the National
game of baseball are very encouraging
Five deaths have already resulted from 1t
in this State this season. The more life
that is thrown into the game. the more
deaths result therefrom. -Noristonn Her.
Hh
II wouldn't be in Egypt" said Mrs. Nc.
Gill, last week, "for all the wealth OF Crea.
soe." Seeing look of establishment on the
face of her auditors, she added, "Creasote,
you know, Sas an old Roman god. and
everything he touched turned into gold"
|-hardthon Independent.
Cheering" Spinster landlady - Then
you and your mamma want the same roou a
you had last year p Young ,ady-"Yes
Miss Sprggins; only it isn't mamma who is
with me, but my husband. I've got married
since last year" S. L.-"Lor, new, have
you? I'm glad to hear it, Yet, after all, l
don't know why should be glad yon never
did me any harm, poor dear !"-London
Fun.
whats the crowdabout ?" queried a stran.
ger, as he noticed stream Of visitors going
into n fashionable residence ''It's a silver
weddin," obligingly replied his informant
Whats a silver weddin p "Why, chaps
been married twenty-f five times. and he's
celebratln of it."-Ne,0 York Tribune
Somebody names in the presence OF f..
rocious due.ist the name Of one Of his rivals
the most formidable Of them all. He /"
cries the duelist II know him-Ive been
waiting for him-some of these days I'll
have to go and pull his ears" "What for ?"
What for don't know. If did I'd go
aud pull them now."-French Paper-
An Allentown constable rece6fIy saw som,
suspicious looking characters, one of them
masked, dividing some money behind an aid
stone quarry being Unstable he though,
they had earned the raon,v, and were n,ereiu
wearing masks to keep their noses warm ia
was afterward greatly surprised to hear that
a farmer had been robbed. No arrests ~
Phiiladelphia Necs.
An immigrant family strolcd from Castle
~ -ip ctr fh. nth Il.
joyng the sights. They stopped in front
of the window OF an enterprising sign and
emblem maker, who had brass eagle dis.
played. Whatever is that" said one of
the children. sis it a en ~ mo. child"
said the mother, sit is howl stuff"
exclaimed the father, its Hamerican
beagle, the hemblem OF this blarsted country !"
I-E,.
When he was eating fast and furously.
pilng in the food rs farmers do hay into the
barn on the eve Of a thunder shower In
June, the head waiter stepped up and said,
" Beg pardon, sir, but there's no train out TO-.
night" "1know it," said The man with the
mouthful land that's why I'm hurrying to
catch good nights sleep" surely no
must have been an American ,-Hotd Nail.
They arc performing sensational drama
at provincial theatre, and In one OF the
most thrilling scenes the hero discovers that
he has come on without his dagger With.
out moments hesitation he hurs himself
upon the villain, crying, Die, base wretch !!
| had intended to stab you, but having for
gotten my trusty dagger in my dressing.
room, l will stranGle you with my red right
and left hands, in the presence of this intel.
ligent and indulgent audience !"-Paris Wit.
Mime. C's present husband has a copious
beard and moustache, and the gentleman
who would probably be her husband should
the divorce act be passed wears moustaches
only. She had long importuned her hus.
band to cut off his beard, and in order to
give her joyful surprise on the anniversary
| pf thar xyadIinU Hay Ian I'D