The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-07-27


blue sapphire gentleman's scarf-pin, y
etc. Schoolma' am, editatively-''What
a jewel of a man he must be!'h
Young Swell: ''Fraulein Mathilde,
may l offer you my arm?' .'Mathilde:
''Oh, this offering your arm is getting
monotonous. Why net offer me your
hand for change?'
'Adolphus, let us leave the avenue
and stroll along the margin of the riv-
err Not any, Evangeline; no more
margins for me-" (Adolphus had been
speculating in futures that week.
The broom-drill mania is extending
all over the country, but it is noticed
that the young ladies who are most ex-
pert in the drill generally go off on a
visit when house-cleaning commences.
Said Kate to her new husband,
"John, what rock does true love split
upon?" Quoth John, and grinned from
ear to ear, 1.-The rock of yonder cradle,
dear"
We saw young man going zig-zag
up the street the other day, singing,
money is hard thing to borrow" A
wag exclaimed, ''Yes, and a tight thing
to pay back"
Said Tom: ''Since l have been abroad
I've taken so much veal that Pm
ashamed to look calf in the face Il
s'pose, sir, then" said wag, you con-
triye to shave without glass"
A witty lady, who is, however, some
what given to exaggeration, was trying
to tell friend what a poor appetite she
had, and said, Il eat very little; a flea,
would be barbecue for me-"
''Is the howling of dog always fol-
lowed by a death?' asked little oirl of
her father. 'Not always, my dear; be-
cause sometimes the man that shoots
misses him. was the reply.
Young ladies with artifcially clear
complexions should not permit the
men to kiss them on the cheek if they
would become married. To 60 off
quickly, they should keep their powder
dry.
''What did you do to break that
vase?" 'sAh! Madame, nothing could
be easier. / had it in my hand-like
this-and | struck it against the corner
of the table, So" And he breaks the
mate to it,
a man advertises for an ''amiable
Wife," and has had the supposed treas
ure for one week, expresses himself
thus obscurely: She hadn't been in the
house twenty-four hours before the milk
soured"
An auctioneer, by birth native of tho
Green ISLE caused to be printed on his
nauuplns u at b -ocent sale, Every ar
tlcie 500" goes to the highest bidder, I'M
,css it so happens that some gentleman
bids more"
81 met MIR. Miggles to-day remark
ed Mrs. Chippick ''He's quite a changed
man. l hardly know him, he's so chip
per and lively" Indeed" responded
her husband gravely. How very
strange! / READ in the paper that his
wife sailed for Europe last week =
Brooklyn Eagle.
A certain preacher once took for his
text, Husbands, love your wives"
Pausing for moment. he glanced to-
ward Emily, CHS wife) and began as
follows: Now, brethering, we sartinly
don l love our wives as we'd orter |
don't love Emily as L orter, but if was
to have another wife, I'd love her bet
tern hev Emily?'
The father of the family examines his
watch with perpleXity. Il can't under
stand, my love-" he says to his wife.
whats wrong with this watch. Isup-
pose it wants to be cleaned" "Oh, no.
pa" replies one of his olive-branches,"
lit can't be dirty, for baby and were
scrubbing it al morning in the bath-tub
with the hair brush, and we used plenty
of soap
A man of good address presents HIM
self at house, desiring employment.
The gentleman to whom he applies, af-
ter asking few questions, says: ''WelI.
my good fellow, | like your looks, and
L M willing to engage you.'' II have
also favorable impression of monsieur.
and | will give him an answer after
Inquiries in respect to the house.
which will result, have no doubt, most
favorably."
An Englishman, being accustomed to
pace his room late into tie night, and
wearing heavy shoes, his neighbors on
the right and left, and in the story be-
low, combine and make him a present
OF the most comfortable pair of slippers
that money could buy. The English
man receives the gift with gratitude. and
is so pleased with his slippers that he
puts them on whenever he goes out to
walk, reserving his shoes entirely for
the house!
j. N. s., Little Rock, Ark: .sCan YOU
give me anyreceipt representing fence
posts? Please reply in your next issue"
We can't do it. We have asked sever
al ladies, and all of them say they never
tried it, believing that it would take -
much sugar, and that the th'- 30
be much OF Ing Wouiqn
.har = aelicacy any way. But
say if you want to know how to fix
tomatoes or can green corn they can
flood you with information. -Teras Syt-
ings.
A New Notion: Engaged Sister (en-
gagged to thing with cheques-that is
to say, checks-that is to say, with
both -"Oh, how nice! The Provident
Lovers Mutual Assurance association
Qimited), guarding against all acci-
dents and see! If he dies, or gets bro
ken all to pieces, or anything, you get
oh, how jollyn' Engaged Young Man
And if the girls looks fall off, and
all that does it say anything-?n Choir
us: ''The ideal Is it hkely?"
GIVEN AwAY.-We cannot help MOTTO
ing the liberal offer made to all invalids
and sufferers by DR.. Kings New Discoy-
cry for Consumption. You are requested
to call at Robinson & Hinrichs' drug store
and get trial bottle free Of cost, if you
are suffering with consumption, severe
coughs, colds, asthma, bronchitis, hay
fever, loss of voice, hoarseness, or any
affection of the throat or lungs. 1t viii
positively cure you. 6
F-pr- dacfrava1 fi,a rorrud horso of th a