The Portland daily press., 1882-08-18
Wit and Wisdom.

Wit and Wisdom.
Ills not given to every one, perhaps fortu-
nately for the general peace, to be as ready at
ratort as the critic to whom the following ques-
tion was addressed by an artist: Don't you |
think it is about time l exhibited something?"
Eyes: little talent for instance was the re- |
ply. To grocer who had retired from bus-
ness a friend said, "My dear fellow, you are
looking thin; idleness does not agree with
you" "Well, nc" instantly replied the gro
Ger, 81 don't weigh as much as did Cham
ber's Journal.
Lovely, toney, glove-ftting boots can be
worn by all who use German Corn Remover.
25c.
tWhat is the key to this great mystery OF
death?" soemnly inquired the orator, pausing
imnressiyelv. And the man in the front seat,
who had been coughing all the evening, huskl-
| " replied that he reckoned it must be skele-
ton key Burlington Hawkeye
*Lyda e. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
cures all female complaints by removing the
cause.
A good cocoanut is meaty, but falling star
is meteor.-Lowell Courier.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate acts as food for
| an exhausted brain.
The New York Clipper mourns because Eve
did not tell the serpent. 'Not this Eve, some
| other Eve"
Why will you longer be filled with dread for
the future and end your days with general
debility, when Wheat Bitters will make you
! feel like new person? It's the only good
brain, blood and nerve food. Sold by all drug
gstS
A good story is told by French paper of
two provincials, man and his wife, who visit
ed the Louvre in Paris. "What struck you
most at the Louvre?" asked one of their friends
when they returned home and began to tell OF
the wonders they had seen. ION, Iephed Inc
husband, ga picture which represented Adam
and Eve with the apple and the serpent.
| And his excellent wife chimed in: Eyes, we
found that very interesting, because, you
know, we knew the anecdote."
Chills fever, ague and weakness are cured
by Colden's Liebig's Liquid Beef and Tonic
Inyigorator ASk for Colder's, of druggists.
Form of congratulaton for the candidate,
"Manv ppy turns!'-Burlington Hawk
| eye.
Cultured Boston people freely endorse
Healys Vegetine Tonic Pills and Cordial:
thew know its value. See advt. on this page
Cenhaline prevents Insanity and cures Epi-
leptic Fits.
ART of advertising: eyes, said the Georgia
editor, .'Im going to fight duel. Not that
there's ANYTHING to fight about, but all the 9TH
| er papers are advertising that way. "-Boston
| Post
If YOU are subject to cold in the chest a Hop
Plaster worn both front and back will prevent
any trouble and is superior to any chest pro-
tector. Doctors endorse it. 25c at druggists.
Three Chicago children have been arrested
and fined for stealing twenty-five pillows.
Those twenty-five pillows were from summer
hotel, and were found concealed in one OF the
boys vest pockets.-Boston transcript.
Weak muscles and nerves, sluggishness of
thought and inactivity, cured by Browns Iron
Bitters.
The mistress has gently reprimanded her
"You see ma'am," explained the servant, II
sleep very slowly, and so you see, ma am, II
takes me much longer to get my full sleep than
| it does others, you see, ma'am
ask your physician and he will tell you that
for all the elements which give health, strength
and vigor to the system, there is nothing bet
ter than pure malt Only the purest malt is
used in the preparation of Hops and Malt Bit
tiers.
No man that ever lived can clinch an argu-
ment without riveting his opponents attention.
| -Andrewss American Queen.
The success which has attended the use OF
Swedish Botanic Compound warrants us to
say that for purifying and enriching the blood,
and creating an appetite, strengthening and
renovating the whole system, nothing surpass-
es that great remedy.
The toothpick boot is going out of fashion,
It's said. But the broad. easy, swinging boot
worn by vigorous men of about fifty, with mar
riageable daughter, will never go out OF fash
ion, young man, never. Keep out OF its reach.
New Haven Register.
IOuDS. OlQ anu mluul6-dS0u, OIL OApOAAoheo
the wonderful beneficial effects of Ayers Sarsa-
parilla. Young children suffering from sore
eyes, sore ears, scald-head, or with any scrofu-
lous or syphilitic faint, may be made healthy
and stron by its use.
Miss Ann R. Key is summering in Egypt,
and will go to Ireland in the fall.-Louisvile
Courier-J Journal.
In nothing has science made UGH improve
ment as in medicines, now to this whole civil
lied world is proclaimed the joyful news that
Celery and Chamomi'e Pills, will cure sick and
nervous headaches, neuralgia nervousness,
dyspepsia, seeplessness and paralysis.
A Londoner who lately crossed from Canada
to Ogdensburg asked his hsck-driver as to the
population and form of government of Og-
densburg. On being informed that it was an
incorporated city, the chief officer of which
was mayor, he inquired: "And does the
mayor wear the insignia of ofice?' he in
| quired. "Insignia-what's that?" asked the
| astonshed hackman. "Why, chain about
| his neck" explained the cockney. sob, bless
| you, no. responded the other, she's perfectly
harmless, and goes about loose. boston Pa