davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16
or Course, Revive II.

From Ta.tau Ega.Haa.
Would it not be- adyi.able 10 revive
the old iaw -l,il carried on our statute
books against profanity, and enforce
it, II there va. ever a necessity far
such a law. surely that period exist.
at the present time. OF all modern
yicc- it seem, to be the one that grows
ia-ic-i: even the thir.t for strong
drink cannot equal Il 10 gaining prose
iyte-. it makes victims even earlier
than iniempcraucc. and seldom reIaxcs
Its hold after it has once been fixed on
a man. The citizens of the town Of
Erie have been 50 often outraged hv
one Of these professional hlasphcmers
that the ancient Jaw has been evoked
against the offender. and much to his
surprise be va. compelled 10 paw $500
for divc,iiug himself of ten oath.. or
at the legal rate OF siNty.~oycn cents
for every oath. Not having the MONEY
necessary TO liquidate the fine. he was
sent to Jail, where be slill remains.
What would be the effect if this law
was enforced in this county The
county treasury would he filled TO
overfowing or the county jail be in
adequate 10 accommodate onc-tenth Of
the proiane offenders who would be
sent there. There are organizations
for the suppression Of cruelty 10 aui.
mails and men, for the suppression of
vice IN nearly every form. Why is it,
therefore, that some of these organiza-
tions that look after the morals Of the
community do not take the chronic
swearer in hand
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

fire escape, and every such school dis.
trict, shall also be liable in any nc
ton for damages, in case of death or
personal injury sustained in conse.
quence of fire breaking out in any
such building aud Of the absence. 0
such efficient fire escape aud such ac.
ton may be maintained by any per.
son now authorized by law TO sue in
other cases of similar injuries all per-
sons falling to comply with the provi.
sions Of this act, shall be liable to II
penalty not exceeding $4,000 three
hundred dollars, TO be collected "a
fines and forieitureres are now hy
law cOllectibIe.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

A pickering pair OF Quakers we're late
ly heard in high controversy, the hus.
band claiming Il am determined 10
have one quiet week with thee - but
how wilt thou be able to get il - said
the taun,ing spouse, ia that sort Of reit.
Grafton which married ladies 50 pro.
vokinEly indulge in. II will keep thee
= week after thou art dead" was the
Quaker's reioinder.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

AT Cambridgeport, Mass, the barrel
factory Of James & Co. was burned, with
fifty car loads of headings and staves.
worth $1,000; $1,000 worth OF hoops.
5000 -four barrels. 500 sugar barrels, 500
syrup barrels, valued at $3.50. In "a.
dition, about 81 900 worth Of rough lum.
Der aud six box cars loaded with hoops.
slaves and headings. worth $1,000, we're
consumed.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

THE editor Of q Texas exchange saws
he does not like turkey; that If he
cant have possum 10 celebrate with he
don't want any at ell but bic nelehbors
stiii continue to lock up their turkeys
after dark. Some people don't believe
everything they read in a newspaper.
The editor can't play "pcssumn tn
them that way.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16
Our ON TIE Next DrAt.-"But

Our ON THE NEXT DEAI.-"But
| pass, said a minister recently in dis.
missing one theme Of his subject to
take up another. "Then | make IL
spades" yelled man from the gal.
lery. who was dreaming the happy
hours away in an imaginary game of
euchre. II is needless to say that he
went out on the next deal, assisted by
one Of the deacons.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

"IouR arguments are sound my
son, aud delivered with force" said
the clergyman to his boy, who had been
banging away at his drum for an hour
or more; "but We have heard quite
enough on that head"
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

A CURE for whooping cough, accord
ing to a superstition, is "Get a piece
of bread baked by a lady who didn't
change her name in marrying and eat
it.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

A LOWELL firm recently cent lot
of bills west for collection. The list
came back with tberesult noted against
each name, one being marked dead.
Three months after the same bill got
into a lot that was forwarded, and
when the list came back the name
was marked, "still dead"
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-02-16

IT is now asserted that few pots
of flowers in a sleeping room are not
injurious to health. Neither is bar.
rel of flower in the kitchen.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31
A BRIGHT PARAGRApHER.

It Is all right for man to publish a presumably humorous paper. and write
 articles presumably pleasant, but the man who yearns for a reputation and tortures exchanges with please copy
 requests, is an exasperasion unto his more sensible contemporary. l, is we'll enough for the funny man-the most de
 spisable appellation in the language to mark an occasional paragraph, involving some interesting current discussion, bu, the practice of 'sgestins oG good thins'' and framing it with blue marks, is below
 the man who actually possesses merit. Nine times out of ten man marks his ~eakes. ~nsk. As rule he is incapa- ble of judging Reproduction is nos the result of fasoritism. FaSoritism may stimulate local celsbrities, but the D. pers published for the. public carefully select their '.rsprins' segardless of tha exissence of iyisndship. A young gea- deman, evideetly a graduate of some ool1ags vAo pahlishes small paper h . wsuassn tovn, marks every papsr ha sends to this oGice. On ehe maEyin of . recent number he says: q dont 'see why tke pasagraPhers shssid nos have . ing unto themselves. can sid
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

AN English writer who makes bad nunS for PNH6h and steals American
 okes for indr. lamcnis inc facts that a bust of longfellow's is to be placed in Westminster Abbey We have many dnhonored poets of our own and until they arc recognized l do not see why we should bestow such distinction on a Yankee 1.-the Englishman who wrote the above had sufficien, scnse to entitle him to the distinction he might bc properly termed fool. The bust is no, n recognition Of Yankee" or the Amencan people. but Tn oommcmoration et poetry written in the English language. l! IS true though. that several English poets are unrecognized at home. notably Mir. Oscar Wilde. But it is unnecessary ,o place his bust in Westminster Abbey previous to his death. His bust in the Abbey though would no doubt be pre- terable to Oscar on the outside.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

suit his own feelings. do think, though that you should be charitable to the fair sex. Our lady friends here, :s whom your hospitality has been this day ex- tended. no doubt feel that your aversion to marriage has cheated some good wo- man out of kind husband. Speaking of husbands reminds me of a story ! heard recently. Just about the time when there were such efforts made to induce men to join the army, three farmers were told by rich man that if they would re- spond to the call of their state, he would see that liberal provision should be made for the support of their families. What's the matter, my dear sir,r turning to the host. Not i'll. I hope. We'll, the men took up arms and are now bravely fight ing under amisconcepsion. Their wives, after all resources had failed, remember ing the promise made, went to see the rich man. What do you think he did :? He drove them away. Now, am hunt ing that man, and I want you to assist me. I want you to tell him that unless he loads his wagons with provisions and relieves the distress ef those wives, that it shall fair i'll with him. Tell him that if hear any more complaint, his fine farm shall be con6scated Will you tell him v The host gasped and the governor con- tinued. :. Tell him that the wagons must be sent immediately and, by the way :: don't forget 10 tell him that fin the event the wives come to his house to send them home in his carnage. Having entrusted you with this commission we will return to the city
 The wives were sent home in the car riage, wagons loaded with provisions were sent to their houses. and it is upon good
 z<@-.<- .--~--~--.s.ss-s-~s-~ authority stated shAt the wives were fiber ally supplied by Andrew Iohnson's @hostI; with the necessities of life until their hds- bands returned from the exisencits of death
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

your paper and you can aid mine. All l need is for some one to start my para graphs on the rounds" The fulsominx are few of the marked paz.gsaphs ss
 Coal stoves should not be ned in win ter, for then we want warm stoves. Say, is the blacksmith a forger ?-Er- ehasge. Don't know, for we are not skoc-er.
 A milkman may be true, but still he is a coward.
 These, you will at once perceive are very fine fragments of humor. Circula- ton is all they need, is in fact more than they deserve. In several respects the young gentleman seems to have pretty fair sense. For instance, he missed aa issue of his paper several weeks ago on account of a rush of job work. In this he displayed ability. for job work pays better than @humor." If you are re- quested to choose between puns and job work, take the job work. Ifyou are called upon to decide upon the Imaginable mer- its of castor oil or puns. render your decision in favor of the oil The En- glish language has been great sufferer. Verbs, nouns and pronouns have been twisted into the corkscrews of lingual distortion.
 The punsters day of greatness IS gone, young man. There was a time, fitful, nervous, ephemeral time, when the puns- ter could secure featuring engagement, but now he is neglected and is com pelled to work or tramp for his living. When punster is particularly worn out he may secure position on the London PnntA, but American publications which glow in the spirit of that true humor which some great writer remarked ripens slowly, do not want him to camp in their neighborhood.
 There is difference between para graph and sentence containing a mashed word. young journalistic gentle man. 4 column oi thought. bubbling, boiling spring of humor can be expressed in paragraph, but very little of any thing can be expressed in pun. Charles Lamb. Theodore Hook, the poetic Hood and the immortal Shakespeare, to say nothing of a few celebrated Americans, have made puns danee in portrayal and amusing glee. but the average distorter of words can only come to grieE Any man who would be so old in attempting fun and so overwhelmingly bucolic in the manner of presentation as to say iha, in the winter we do not want .'coat stoves, meaning cold, of course, should be com pelled to ride a lame steer.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

IRE man who leads the singing at a country church may be the biggest liar in the community and may not own but two hogs and an old horse with the string halt. but he is regarded with almost rev. esential respect. He has a terrible voice, and his tones all end at sharp point. When the minister gives out the hymn. the leader clears his throat with great dig nity of manner and blows gale of dis cord which for reaching resonance and searching power cannot be initiated on the operatic stage Some time ago during services at country church, constable appeared with a warrant of arrest for the leader. setting forth the sensational in- dictment that the worthy musician had stolen an OK yoke. This was a terrible charge. quite sufficient to throw an ordi- nary congregation into se.e.;.h state .! excitement When the officer approached the leader aad apprised him of his mis- sion, the minister who was noted for never emitting any important feature of his en- tertainment, turned to the coagssestion and said:
 "Brosher Jacksea is charged with seal ing an OK yoke and m od6cer hos jus, come to take him away, and in visw oi this faet, Hsoehw Jacanaa vii plssss Gise the doclsolaees, sllaf which he can Ra with the ofkcer and slbsr which [ VII proceed with the sermon.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31
A LARGE FAMILY.

How many children have you, Ike 2" asked the governor of Arkansaw of ne- gro acquaintance.
 Boss, 1 declar' doan' know"
 How long have you been married ?'
 De almanac says twenty year, but dinged ef it doan' seem like hundred to me-
 And you don, know how many chill dren you have. /"
 "Nor. sah, case gub'ner neber was much on gography.-~But ter gin yer a idee ob de number, I'll tell yer what's a fack. Two lost chillun come ter my house some time ago, an dinged ef da want dar six weeks fore diskivered da, dar was any strays in de house. wouldn't hab foun' il out den but fur de sharpness ob my wife. She was talkin' ter de chillun one day when, suddenly lookin' at boy. about de orncrest lookin chile eber seed, she said: Dan, does yer want ter go to heaben when yer diesg My name ain't Dan,' said de chile. 'Whut is yer name, den.' axed my wife. 'Jascn. replied de boy. Den my wife she sorter scratched her head an studied awhile, an ,urnin' ter me axed ei we had eber named boy Jasen .Dingcd ef l knows,' says I. 'Yersei keeps de books ob dis Establishment. Wall. sah. de circumstance aroused sus- picionment an we begun ter search aroun', finally hndin' dat two ob my chil, lun belonged ter a neighbor. My wife declars dat she doan' know when da jumped ober de fence an got inter dc house, an blamed ef does."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

ro-pNs we publish "A Midsummer 5 i3ay Dream. poem in which the bright e: fancy is traced by 4 well trained hand oi literary cxeeurions The poem was a itten by the author of the Factors of C.silitauon.' s boosS which IS awakening < profound sensation among the thinkers nt he country The verses were com posed years ago. and through the eei- arlns ot the AsKANsAw TRAVELLER arc 70 the tifss tlt,.e stvet, to the public.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

l remember correctly you struck me with glove
 s<.I did
 Well, according to my theory, 1t would be proper for me to strike you with glove
 s.yes. and be shot for your trouole.'
 @Well, we1l see. Knceiing down he united the bundle. unroiled it and dis closed an enormous glove made of a Ecow-hide. Seizing the thing by the thumb and forefngez, he wave.i it around with a violent motion, struck the captain across the face and felled him. The captain sprang to his feet and attempted to draw a pistol, but the stranger vas up on him, and by anosher blow of the glove knocked him dorn. The stranger wrested the pistol from him and beat him with the glove until he was almost senseless. The captain shouted lustiy for help. but we were all so oonvulsed with laughter that we could have done nothing had we felt so inclined.
 "I am going to give you the glove. exclaimed the stranger, until you agree to paddle me over the river.
 "'i'll die first howled the captain.
 ".All right. and he continued to beat him.
 -.fll agree. at last howled the cap tain.
 "'Come down here, then said the stranger, and leading the way, he con ducted the captain to the river, showed him into canoe. and hanged if he didn't make the noted duelist paddle him over the river. We afterwards learned that he had worked all night in constructing the enormous glove"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

N. |. HAMPTON, who made national fcputa,ion as the humorist of the Steu- aenville Xerad. and whose Topnoody papers were so widely copied. has taken editorial control of the Dyamms,. pub l.shed a, Cine innati. AIr. Hampton Is an excellent newspaper man. and a brilliant lorresponden, his May lane" letters n ,he Courier /on,nai. having gained fer him recognized prominence in that me. The DrHMnicy Is one of the best weekly publications in the country. and with the aid of Hampton will greatly ex- end its field of usefulness
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

IT is very natural at the beginning of a year to reflect upon the prosperity or ad- versity of the state in which we live. Looking back to this time last year, it would strike the average observer that Afkansaw has improved vey slowly. We find the same looseness of morals and in many sections the same disregard of law. Within the last month no less than ten murders or tragedies little above the cold-blooded vengeance. have been com mitted in Arkansaw, not mainly in remote and semi-enliehssned communities but in the towns where civilization is boast among the people. The vhole state seems to have entered upon an era of vi olence, which fact it Is cowardice ocovez. lf our state intends to become the home of cultivated and refined people, 1t is time that the law were meting uith rigid en- iorcement. Ii a man commits . crime, m maaaef if he be rich and influential, he should be punished according to that lex- islaive enscsment which protesses to fnd 10 d1aGinraica ia social conditions. The law-9ivezs and tAoee vAooe du1y t is to execSee tAe sasAe's commands seam b be shameSully lax. Amoae osr sGaee o1f- cess these aze few b wA6m VI can pcinR with pEi1e. JacoA Eba1icA, ssezetnfY of sen1A b tAe unpsk elft5nk m h611img the ponqasS nu1k He took the oGkce q . tiIne df fcAae6snds sevolulinai1sdk. He has rsdnced tAe vosk of n dsparsment to psxlect sxseam Why cannot every oeher 0llcer do a wen.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31
PoLIrENEss OF TRADE.

The colored man has gradually mas tered the politeness of trade. A gentle man went into little store and remark ing that he wanted ten cents worth of tobacco, handed the eolored proprietor a twenty-dollar gold piece.
 .Aint yer got nothin' smaller den dis P
 SNothing smaller"
 "An right. boss throwing the twenty doEas into the drawer. SI'h iss yer take de tesbacker, beins as yeT look soste. hones', an yer kin drap in some time when yers Passin' an can git yer nine- teen dollars aa' nineay cenfs.S
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

THE January number of the Boston
 'iio is unusually rich Tn all its depart i:ents Its illustrations arc superb, and teose who are interested in music. al, ana, .,+;-ot literature. will always ind some ;king in the foAfo to command their at -jention The toh0 IS an eminent sue ess, and il is to Earl Marble. its editor, s1osc work IS copied throughout the ountry, tha, its popularity may be at .Iauted
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

THE inhabitants of your state seem to De endow ed with patience said a man ;e an Arkansaw gentleman. They are ;ke mos, pa,ien, people in the world. sir. II they owe you. sir. they never SC, tired oi waiting.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31
A STRANGE DUEL.

SDcdkthS Oa uuci>. ictttdfhcu oiti General Gridmore. reminds me of an encounter which took place in Arkansaw some time ago. A man known as Capt. Seaton came to Little Rock in the carly days and at once exhibited disposition so unnecessarily rescntfal and fiery that he was involved in dozen fights ere he had been two months among us. He was dead shet with t pistol and every man in town soon learned to regard him with dread. He was extremely sensitive, and a remark often intended in jest pro- voked quarrel and probably fight. One day when party including the cap tain was sitting on the river bank, dis cussing the possibilities of our growing navigation, tall, gaunt fellow came up and after surveying the party asked if there were a ferryman in the crowd.
 "'Do we look like ierrylnen replied the captain. .
 "'Well, not particularly said the man
 "'Then why do you ask such a ques- tion1'
 "'Because want to know, and as you seem to be so especially interested may l inquire if you will paddle me over the river!'
 "The captain sprang to his feet and struck the stranger across the face with his glove.
 "l suppose you intend this as an insult said the stranger in a voice tha, seemed to have been softened as though he had received an act of charity.
 "'lf you are gentleman you will 50 consider it..
 q am not much of a gentleman, the stranger replied, but think that am enough of man for this occasion. don, know much of the established code but infer that am challenged. It be. comes necessary for me, presume to teii my name. am Professor Johnson Gayhill, and l am on my way to take charge of school over in St Fr an. ois county. where expect to impart useful information to young ladies. l have never fought a duel. never handled a sword and don't believe that could hi, the state of Arkansaw with a pistol. am also minister of the gospel, let me remark. Meet me here tomorrow morn ing at nine o'clock, and will resent the insult don't want any second. but want these gentlemen to be present. assure you all that the encounter will be polite and in strict accord with drawing. room usages-
 The stranger bowed politely and with drew. We all joined in hearty laugh when he had gone, and the captain, al- though he had but little sense of humor, roared in boisterous exclamation. We were all interested in the affair, for we were anxious to witness combat where the selection of weapons involved such mystery. We were all promptly on the ground next morning.
 "1 don't believe my eccentric antago- mist is coming said the captain. To l tell the truth wish he would not. for af- ter all the affair is very. tnaing. Hello. here he comes
 "The stranger advanced and bowed politely to the party. He carried large bundle under his arm, and when he had deposited it on the ground, he turned to the captain and said:
 I am glad to ses you looking 50 vel this morning and hope that yoa feel strong enough to paddle me ovsr tAs nver.'
 "sYes, over the river Styx. replied the capGain-
 "'Over the Arkansa~, too. hope. II
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

!" EVERY railroad built in this country is l humane piece of work" said an enc n,y of the community. Why :" asked bystander. ''Because they give people better opportunity of getting out of the v
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

Nsw fogkess arc ez1sy ev~ vEising |o- ems ab0ut geaa&-AesA1a Rbsk Hos-
 toaians re nd 6ec1nse tAey can,t wyite poeasy n slll B-a-a.-Mtv Nvk Cow
 mezxiaf AIvrvfisey.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

MINISTERS throAghout the north are protesting loudly against the Passion Pay. If half of the protest were directed a.ains, pulpit corruption the result might be beneficial.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1882-12-31

.,G S~-s 2f .sss2rs ss:.ss -e-zSs. s~N = -5.--re. : >s.s.
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1882-06-22
A RICH. RARE. CHICAGO PERFImE
"Is i not heautiinl. sweetheart!"

''Is it not beautiful. sweetheart"
"What!" asked George ". Simpson.
looking teuderly into the deeL blue
eyes Of Daphne Mccarthy. as they
were raised to his, and glancing around
in a nervous, steer reaught in the-eorn
way.
"Why the sweet perfume that is
being waited to us on the June air.
said the girl. shifting her chewing gum
a. she spoke. do yoa not feel the
sensuous languor that is all about u.s.
the subtle perfume that seems to have
kissed the air with dewy fragrance!'
. The wistful. fear haunted look came
again into the man's. face. Ho smiled
the air in severd directions. and there
came upon the perfect features OF his
Wabash avenue face a. smile OF calm
content. ''Ies, darling" he said,
bending over tue rail, "I'tumble now.
"And what is this perfume, George"
the girl askel. "can you tell me, das--
ling"
"You bet | can, my angel, replied
George, speaking in tones OF passionate
tenderness. "fhey are going to have
corned beef for supper. in the next
house"
The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1882-06-22
BULLION TAX.


4 Notice Is hereby given that the tax on pro-
cseds Of mines for the qpartas ending. March
slss, 1882, is now due and payable, At my
ofics. in the Courthouse Of the County Of
Himboldt, and that the LAWS for its collection
win bsstrictly
4 w. PERKINS,
ls Assessor HHnboldt County, New.
winnemucca, May 22, lss2. 4w
j.. B.. B lie ID s 0 e.,
rAsH,osABrH~ snxr DOOR TO
TAILOR. -Mc. cHENow ErH's
Wfnncsnucca,. ............. Nesaas
oarmsnsse MADE 70 ORDER in the latest
styles.
Rspeiringead clsaaipg.e speciality and satis'
faction gslaranteedSa .
Nay Is IT,. s~hbLhpsoxA.