Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1882-04-27
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

A cooking club-The rollingpin.
A fowl in the hoacoop Is worth two
in the baseball field.
There If, after all, only one real bone
Of contention in the world, and that is
the iaw-bone.
1t is getting toward the season for
discovering turtles with " G. W., I77G,'
cut on tLeir shells.
It's the easiest thing in the world to
make parrot become bluebird. Take
his food away from him.
A wit being asked, on the failure Of a
bank, "Were You no. upset 2 replied:
"No, / only lost M balance"
A coresponden: refers TO Oscar Wilde
as "a glucose disciple Of the beautiful"
This is the scveyest blow glucose has
received yet.
Human nature, says a writer, is fond
Of the mysterious. This explains why
the present generation tackles 50 kindly
10 mince pie.
A correspondent wants TO know where
the expression Let up" comes from.
We believe it comes from tho fellow
who isn't on top in the fight.
at is strange" remarks an exchange,
"how much better a picture photog-
rapher can take to hang in showcase
than be can take for customer"
A middle-sizel boy, writing a COM
position on Extremes" remarked that
I'VE should endeavor TO avoid eI-
tremes, especially those Of wasps and
bees"
II think the goose has the advantage
Of you," said a lady TO an ine1pert
boarder who was carving. Guess it
has, mum-in age" was the witheiing
rcJoTt.
A priest once asked q condemned
criminal in Pans Jail "What kind of a
conscience have youY" ITS as good
rs new" replied the prisoner; "for 1
have never used It,"
Brownson Well, / always make it
a rule to tell my wife everything that
happens" smithkins-"Oh, my dear
fellow, that's nothing. ! tell my vito
lots Of things that never happened at
ALL"
A fashion writer says; "a rather
novel shade in bonnets has q TALL,
steeple-like projection rising above the
wcarer's head" To preserve the unities,
a steeple-like PROPOSITION which begins
in vanity should end in vane.
We notice an article extensively
copied describing certain lecturers who
are afraid of their audiences. But no
genuine sympathy appears TO be shown
toward the many weary, tortured audi
ences who are afraid of their lecturers.
Coniugal amenities: "Do you know
in what month Of the year my wife talks
the least?'' "Well. suppose when she
catches Geld and loses her voice" Not
at all. 1t is in February" "Why is
thatT" "Because February has the
tewest days"
Putting young hopeful through an
oral examination in botany: Where
do the apples come from7' THE apple
tree" "And the pears?" Prom the
pear tree" "And the fgs7" Prom
the fig tree" "And the dAtesg' "From
the almanac"
A contemporary asks: "How shall
women carry their purses to frustrate
the thieves r Why, carry them empty.
Nothing illustrates thief more than 10
snatch . woman's purse. after following
her half y mile, and then find that it
contains nothing but recipe for spiced
peaches and faded photograph of her
grandmother.
Miss Carpenter was = teacher IN
school, and John Davis Was her "worsz=
boy" One day she said to him: Davis.
II you do not behave yourself, I will
box your earsi" "Yoa're q carpenter"
said Davis, saucily, "and you might
hammer me. but it's plain you couldn't
box my ears !" She did box his cars
thnuuh