The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1882-09-23

HIS PA HAS GOT RELIGION.


the grocery man, rs he stood in front
Of his grocery and saw the bad boy CON-
ing along, on the way home from Sun
day.school, with 4 clean shirt on, and
a testament and some dime novels under
his arm. "What has got into you, and
what has come over your pa. see he
has bracedup, and looks pale and solemn.
You haven't converted him have you ?"
"No, pa has not got religion enough
to hurt yet, but he has got the symp-
toms. He has joined the church on
prowbation, and is trying to be good so
he can get in the church for keeps. He
said it was hell living the way he did,
and he has got me to promise to 60 to
Sunday y-school. He said If | didn't he
would maui me so my skin wouldn't
hold water. You see, ma said pa had
got to be on trial for six months before
he could get in the church, and If he
could get along without swearing and
doing anything bad he was all right,
and we must try him and see IL we could
cause him to swear. She said she
though, person, when they was on
prowbaiion, ought to be a martyr, and
try and overcome all temptations to do
evil, and il pa could go through six
months Of our home life and not
curse the hinges off the door, he was
sure Of 4 glorious Immortality beyond
the grave. She said il wouldn't be
wrong for me TO continue TO play inno-
cent jokes on pa, and If he took il all
right he was Christian, but il he got
4 hot box, and flew around mad, he was
better on, of church than in it. There
he comes now," said the boy as he got
behind sign, land he is pretty hot for
4 Christian. He is looking for me-
You had ought TO have seen him in
church this morning. You see, COM
mcnced the exercises at home after
breakfast by putting piece Of ice in
each of pas boots, and when he pulled
on the boots he yelled that his feet were
all on fire, and we told him i, was moth
ing but symptoms OF gout, so he left the
ice in his boots TO melt, and he said all
the morning hc felt as though he had
sweat his boots full. But that was not
the worst. You know, pa he wears a
liver pad. Well on Saturday my chum
and me was on; on the lake shore and
we found 4 nest OF ants, these little red
ants and took them home. ! didn't
know wha, would DO with the ants,
but ants are always handy TO have in
the house. This morning, when pa
was dressing for church, | saw his liver
pad on 4 chair, and noticed hole in il,
and Thought what good place it would
be for the ants. don't know what
possessed me, but | took the liver pad
into my room and opened the bottle,
and put the hole over the mouth of the
bottle, and ! guess the ants thought
there was something to eat in the liver
pad, cause they all went into it, and
they crawled around in the bran and
condition powders inside Of it, and |
took it back to pa, and he put it on
under his shirt, and dressed himself,
and he went to church. Pa squirmed
little when the minister was praying,
and guess some OF the ants had come
out 10 view the landscape DER. When
we got up to sing the hymn pa KEEP;
kicking, as though he was nervous, and
felt down his neck and looked sort
Of wild, the way he did when he had
the jimjams. When we sat down pa
couldn't keep still, and like to died
when saw some OF the ants come out
Of his shirt bosom and 60 racing around
his white vest. Pa tried to look piou:
and resigned, but he couldn't keep hi:
legs still, and he sweat more'n pail
full. When the minister preached about
"the worm ;ha, never dieth," pa reach.
cd into his vest and scratched his ribs
and he looked as though he would give
ten dollars if the minister would get
through. Ma she looked at pa As though
she would bite his head off, but pa ht
just squirmcd, and acted rs though his
soul was on fire. Say does ants bite
or just crawl around Well, when III,
minister said amen, and prayed the Sc
cond round, and then said 4 bro;he
who was a missionary to the heather
would like to make few remarks about
the work of the missionaries in Bengal
and take up collection, pa told m:
they would have to excuse him, and h,
lit out for home, slapping himself OF
the legs and on the arms and on th'
back, and he acted crazy. Ma and m,
went home, after the hca,hen go
through, and found pa in his bedroom
with part of his clothes off, and the live
pad was on the floor, and pa was stamp
ing on il with his boots and talking OF
ful.
"What is the natter" says ma
"Don't your religion agree with you?'
"Religion be dashed, says pa, as h
kicked the liver pad. 81 would Civ
ten dollars to know how 4 pint Of re,
ants got into my liver pad. Religion
is one thing, and a million ants walking
all over n man, playing tag, is another
didn't know the liver pad was loaded
How in Gehena did they get in theres'
and pa scowled at ma as though h
would kill her.
"Don't swear, DEAR" says ma, rs sh
threw down her hymn book and too
off her bonnet. "You should be patient
Remember Job was patient, and he wa
afflicted with sore boils."
al don't care, says pa, as he chase
the ants out of his drawers, "Job neve
had ants in his liver pad. II he had h
would have swore the shingles off barr
Here you," says pa, speaking to me
"you head of them ants running undc
the bureau. II the truth was known
believe you would be responsible fo
this outrage" And pa looked me kin
Of hard.
"O, pa" says l, with tears in m
eyes, edo you think your little Sunda,
school boy would catch ants in po
bottle, on the lake shore, and brin
| ,hap, home and nuf fhen, in the hol