Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1882-03-09

lar floor with the round shells down, as
I told you to?"
II did most Of 'em," replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "Some of 'em wouldn't
stay that way. They turned right
over"
s'Must have been extraordinary intel
ligent oysters" muttered Mr.. Epoopen-
dyke,eyeing her with suspicion. "Didn't
any Of en- stand up and ask for a
morning paper, did they2"
sYou know what l mean," futtered
Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''They tipped over
sideways, 50 I laid them on the fat
she'll"
s'That's right" grunted Mr. Hpoop-
endyke. '.You want to give an oyster
his own way, or you'll hurt his feelings.
Suppose you bring up some Of those
gifted oysters and an oyster knife, and
we'll eat EN-"
Mrs. Spoopendyke hurried away and
pattered back with the feast duly set
out on tea waiter which she placed
before Mr.. Spoopendyke with -four
ish.
''Now," said she, drawing up her
sewing chair, and resting her elbows
on her knees and her chin on her hands,
''When you get all you want. you may
open me some."
Mr.. Spoopendyke whirled the knife
around his head and brought it down
with sharp crack. Then he clipped
away at the end for q moment, and
iabbed at what he supposed was the
opening. The knife slipped and
plowel the bark of hin thumb,
"Won't come open, won't yeI" he
snorted, fetching it another lick, and
iabbing away again. "Haven't COM
pleted Jour census of who's out here
working atye, have ye?" and he brought
it another whack. "P'raps ye think
I haven't fully made up my mind
20 inquire within, don't yer" and
he rammed the point Of the knife
at it, knocking the skin off his knuckle.
"That isn't the way to open an oys-
ter. " suggested Mrs. SpoopeEdyke.
"Look here" roared Mr.. Spoopen<
dyke, turning fiercely on his wife.
Have you got any private understand
ing with this oyster? Has the oyster
confded in you the particular way in
which he wants to be opened 2"
"No-o r. stammered Mrsr Spoopen
dyke, "Only I thought"
'sThisis no time for thought" cried Mr..
Spoopendyke, banging away at the edge
of the shell. "This is the moment
for battle, and IL I've happened to catch
this oyster during Office hours, he's
going to enter into relations with the
undersigned. Come out, viii yeP" he
yelled, as the knife few up his sleeve.
Maybe ye don't recognize the voice OF
Spoopendykei Come out, ye dod gasted
coward, before ye make an enemy of
me for lifel'' and he belted away at the
shell with the handle OF the knife, and
spattered mud Like dredging ma
chine.
"Let me get you a hammer to crack
him with" recommended Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, lowering over her husband in
great purturbation.
'Don'twant any hammerT' howled Mr..
Spoopendyke, slamming around with
his knife. ''S'pose I'm going to use
brute force on dod gasted fish that
could swallow alive if I could only get
him out Of his house9 Open your
measly premisesl" raved Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke stab5ing at the oyster vindictively,
and slicing his shirt sleeve clear to the
elbow. Come forth and enjoy the
society Of Spoopendykel" and the
worthy gentleman foamed at the mouth
as he sunk back in his chair and con-
templated his stubborn foe with glaring
eyes.
"I'll tell you what to dor' exclaimed
Mrs. Spoopendyke, radiant with pro-
found idea. "Crack him in the doorr"
"Thats the schemeI' grinned Mr..
Spoopendyke, with horrible contortion,
of visage. s'Fetch me the door. Set
that door right before me on plate.
This oyster is going to stay here. II
you think this oyster is going to enjoy
any change of climate until he strikes
the tropics of Spoopendyke, you don't
know the domestic habits Of shell fish.
Loose your holdl" squealed Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, returning to the charge, and
fetching the bivalve prodigious whack.
Come into the outer world where all is
gay and beautiful. Come out and let me
introduce you to my wife," and Mr..
Spoopendyke laid the oyster on the
arm of his chair, and slugged him
remorselessIy.
''Wait !" squealed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
''here's one with his mouth open |"
and she pointed cautiously at gaping
oyster who had evidently taken down
the shutters to see what the row was
about.
Don't care dod nasted nickel with
hole in itl' protested Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, thoroughly impatient. "Here's
one that's going to open his mouth, or
the resurrection will find him still
wrastling with the ostenisble head OF
this family. Owr' and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, having rammed the knife into the
palm Of his hand, slammed the oyster
against the chimney-piece, where It