Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1882-06-07
HUMOROUS

| friend. an Irishman, to the theatre. I'm
mediately In front of them sat young
lady with hat ON that measured several
feet from tip to tip. When the curtain
rose and the play began the two men
could only get occasional glimpses OF the
stage by dodging round the corners OF
the hat Finally the New Yorker OBJ
served testify: "Confound a woman
who has no more sense than to wear
such Swiss cottage roof at place OF
amusement!
800 aisy." said the gallant Celt; "a
| moighty convainyance she'd be in a hot
climate where there were no trees.
PIcouoIsEAU and his doctor: 'And
you say you still suffer from indigestion?"
Constantly"
''Then you have not followed my di-
rections.
"Oh, yes, doctor; just as you directed.
1 only smoke after meals"
''That is to say"
''That is to say, from noon till seven
in the evening, and from eight in the
evening till midnight"
lO Dull Tie cOTh Ifpll u bttI DOttlt.
81 can't let you have it
Every WELL" said the tramp, as he
turned away. ''Here find bottle of
beer in the road. If 1 had corkscrew
/ could drink the beer and sell the bot
tie for nickel. But for want of ten
cents l must break the neck, loses more
or less beer, ruin the bottle and like
enough cut my throat ON apiece of glass.
It's no wonder that poor man never
gets along"
WELL turned: A traveller reports a
clever repartee in the old Cathedral at
SantaF Fe Several aged Mexican women
were kneeling on the bare floor, moan
ing in prayer ''Well, said locker
on, Don't that beat the devil p
II guess that's what they are trying
to do" was the quiet reply of a compan-
ion.
If one can't be wholly good he ought
to be as good as he can be without too
great inconvenience. Il stoled your
money" wrote thief to his employer
''Remorse naws my Conscience and L
sent some of it back. When remorse
naws again / will send some more"
WHEN the teacher asked what was the
feminine of tailor, a small boy on a front
seat in a public school in Brockton
promptly exclaimed: ''Dressmaker,
and was greatly delighted that he was
able to get in the answer first
ALWAYS that way.-''Give you ten
cents." echoed citizen who was halted
on the street by tramp-''why should
give you ten cents q
''To buy a corkscrew," was the calm
reply.
''And what on earth do you want of
corkscrew?"
HER veto: They were seated ON the
sofa where they had been for four long
hours. Augustus. do you know why
you remind me of the Chinese?"
mo, dearest, why?"
Because you won't GO The meet |
ing then adjourned sine die.
''WHAT are your amusements this |
spring?" asked country cousin of her
city cousin whom she had come up to
visit for few days.
Showing my house to idle people |
who pretend they want to buy it, re-
piled the city cousin, sweetly.
SOMEWHAT uncertain: "What is your
income?" was once asked of IA noted |
Rarisian bohemian.
1T is hard to tell. ;" was the reply, !
"but in good years can borrow at least
10, 900 francs"
Too LATE: Sitting Bull Is credited |
with remarking, in thoughtful manner:
''What pity it is that our forefathers,
the noble sons of the forest, failed to |
pass an anti-European bill early in the |
seventeenth century"
KATE SHELLEY, the Iowa girl who |
saved train, Is to be married to the |
conductor thereof. He will conduct her |
to the altar asd hereafter have the priv |
ilege of providing the trains as well as
running them.
A TASTE for music, when exhibited by |
young gpersons, is certainly commendable, |
but don't start them off with drum.
The good die young. The bad live to
lie about the weather, and are spoken of
as the oldest inhabitants.
THE opticians clerk, who was struck |
alongside the head with falling tele-
scope, saw side-ear-eal sight.
CHEAP men and accordeons are noisy
on all occasions.
1t seems that in Germany the under