Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1882-05-19

ammonium
The philanthropic editor of The
Boomerang, Bill Nye, is is preparing
a Letter Writer which he evidently
means shall be of practical benefit TO
his journalistic brethren. lie says:
Our first letter will-be the form, that
should he used in addressing n soulless
corporation relative to a pass:
OFFICE or FREEDOM BUGLE HORN,
WAHoo, NEB., February %, 1882 -
To Hon. J.Q. A. GALL, General Pas.
senger and Ticket Agent J. |. NJ G.
r. o. w. II r, Chicago, III | have
addressed you at this moment for the
purpose Of ascertaining your mental
convictions relative 10 an annual pass
over your voluptuous line II will
occur to you instantly that, with the
enormous power IN my hands, some
thing should be done at once IN muz-
zle and subsidize me. The Bugle
Horn stands upon the pinnacle Of
pure and untarnished Independence.
Her clarion notes are ever heard above
the din Of war and in favor of the
poor, the down trodden, and oppressed
Still il is my sole duty 10 foster and
encourage a few poor and deserving
monopolies. | have already taken
your road, and, so to speak, placed it
upon its feet Time and again have
closed my eyes to unpleasant facts
relative to your line, because | did not
wish to crush young and growing in
dustry. Last fall you had a washout
down 10 Jimtown, which was crimin.
ally inexcusable in its character, but
j passed silently over the occurrence
in order that you might redeem your
self One Of your conductors, an over.
grown, bald headed pelican from Lar
annie, a man OF no literary ability,
and who could not write a poem to
save his measly polluted soul from per-
dition, once started the train out of
Wahoo when / was within one quarter
ola mile Of the depot, and left me
gazing thoughtfully down the track
with a 100 pound hand trunk to carry
back home with me. Another time.
when my pass and pocketbook bad ex-
pired at about the same moment, aud |
undertook TO travel on my voluptuous
shape, a red.headed conductor whose
soul has never walked upon the sunlit
hill of potent genius caught me by the
bosom Of my pants and forcibly eject
ed me from the train while il was in
motion, and with such vigor and en-.
thusiasm that / rolled down an EN-
bankment one hundred feet with
frightful rapiditY and loss of life A
large bottle Of tansy and sweet spirit
hear my prayer, which had conceal
ed about my person to keep of mala-
ria and rattlesnakes, was frightfully
crushed and segregated. Besides all
this my feelings we're hurt and outrag.
ed, and 30 was the portico of my pant.
aloons. | hushed these matters up.
| kept them out Of the papers 50 far
as possible in order that your soulless
corporation might have new lease OF
life. now ask you whether in view
of this you will or will not stand in
the pathway of your Companys sue
cess. Will you refuse me a pass and
call down upon youTselfthe avalanche
of my burning wrath, or will you
grant me an annual, and open up
such an area of prosperity for the j.
l. NJ. G. X. o. w. Railroad as il
never before knewl Do you want the
aid and encouragement of the Bugle
Horn and success, or do you want its
opposition and a paupers grave be
meath the blue eyed Johnny jump ups
in the valley? Should you inclose
the pass would be very grateful u
you for any littlo suggestions, during
the year as to what my fearless and
outspoken opinion should be relative
to your Company. Hoping to hear
from you favorably in the contiguou
ultimately, beg leave to wish you a
very pleasant bon UiUdnt. Very sincere
ly yours, EpHRAIM BATES,
Moulder Of Public Sentiment