South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1882-01-27


Can you tell me where cen End g
pc'fec ~ honest man p asks cores
ponieut No, we cannot; we hsyn't
The remotest idea where we ehan be
when you read this.
You don't know how it pains me 70
punish YOU said the teacher Il guess
there's Tue most pain at my end of the
stick replied the boy. AZ any rate
Ia be willing 20 try.
A darkey philosopher says: Il has
noticed dat all great men retains in ar.
ter life dc early Impressions ob child
hood Dis scar heah is whar my ladder
Ii. ne wild a ssssafrae sprout.'
Why the PAR5oN LEFT KENTUCKY.
"A good many years ago, when GER
tain place in Texas was a very small
town, quite . number of prominent citi-
Zens went ont on s. hunting expedition.
One night. when they were all gathered
around tLe camp fire, one oC the party
suggested that each mon should give the
timo and reason for his leaving his ma
tive State and coming 10 Texas, where
upon each one IN turn told his expert
eace. Judge Blank had killed man in
self-defence. in Arkansas Gen. Soand.
so, had forged another mans signature
70 n check, while another came 10 Tex
rs on account Of his having two wives.
The only man who did not make any
disclosures was u sancl;monious look
ing old man, who, although profess,
ioneI gambler, Was usually called Par.
son
We'll. parson, why dl you leave
kentucky p
i done care TO say anything about it,.
Besides. il was only tribe None of
YOU would believe me anyhow
'Oat with i'll DID you shoe. any
body P
No, gentlemen, did not. Since You
want to know 50 bad III tell you. /
left Kentucky because I did not build
church.
Dep silouca fell on The group. No
such excuse Cor coming TO Texas ever
had been heard OF before. There was
evidently an unexplained mystery a.
the bottom OF it. The 'Parson' was
called on TO furnish more light.
Well, gentlemen, you see q congre-
CATION raised three thousand dollars
and turned ii over to me to build
church-aul | didn't build the church.
That's all.-Texas Syiings.
I'm afraid you'll be late at Tic par
~, said an old lady to her stylish
granddaughter, who. replied, oh, you
dear grandma, don't you know that in
our set nobody goes to party till eve
rybody gets there 2
Are you married, madame p asked
tie Cont severely. That's me misfor-
tune, Jedse. Where is your bus-
band ? AK me an aisy one. Sure I
hayn't seen him since that tonne he and
yer honor got drunk together
Educational: Miss Smith had been
whispering and was called up for lun-
ishment. Give me your hand said
Master Jones. Alas, sir sighed Miss
Smith, 4 cannot do it; Us no. mine to
give. have already give it to anoth-
or.' We'll, then said the schoolmas-
ter, I'll take The left hand And he
did and left the impress OF his ferule
thoreupon.
some Firginians are like the Irish,
man who hastily and hungrily swallow
cd an egg without examination Of it's
contents. AS the chick squeakei in
PATS throat no said, You spoke too
late, mo darlintP
Master 60 small boy who is late .
We'll, Peter, what las kept YOU today p
Small boy: Please sir, my mother
was bakin' an couldn't &c. tho basin
TO wash my face.
You are a girl after nv own heart,
be said earnestly, pressing her hand
ioadiy and with meaning. you are n
fellow after ray hand She replied
Philadelphia sun.