Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1882-10-21
POLLY GORDON's PIE EMIUM FARM
FER.

Polly Gordon was an old maid living
in Kansas; she was not born there, for
the state has not been long enough set
tied, and will not mention the place
of her nativity-but lest the eXcusable
state pride of the Ohio people be hurt,
Twill say it was not Ohio; and yet she
had energy enough at any hard work
that offered itself to entitle her to the
presidency, if woman were eligible to
that position. She was able-bOdied, and
in her way strong-minded, even to OBJ
stinacy. Though she didn't b'lieve in
wimmin's rights wimmin she had heerd
tell of" she always voted in school meet
ing-the Kansas law gives that priyi-
lege to wOmen-"becaus ii they mean
to waste the peoples money on too much
sch0Oln' and high edicatin', Pm goin'
to do all i can to prevent It," was her
reason for voting.
She wore her dresses in the style that
prevailed when she first put on long
dresses, and her scanty hair, from one
years end to another, was twisted in
little round knot and pinned on top Of
the back of her head. "The fashions kin
come around to me when they want to,
I've no time, and amt gOin' round after
'em," was her invariable reply when
some friends dared to suggest an impr0v-
ing change, Her highest ambition on
the womanly side Of her nature was to
have the finest cOlOred, striped rag car
pets, the incest drawn-in rugs of impOs-
sible roses and improbable cats; the
whitest clothes and lightest bread of
any hOusekeeper.
She carried on little farm, and
among farmers it was her boast and
pride that her calves were biggest, and
pigs, latest; that her corn yielded most
to the acre, and she never lost chicken
or turkey by pip or cholera. She could
scarcely read or write, despised book
larnin' as no count toward gettin'
along" and took no interest in the world
outside. beyond the price of her crops
and the groceries she had to buy.
Mrs. Prudence Volney, for the last
four years Polls neighbor, also living
on farm-I may fearless add that she
was from Ohio-was a refined, intel
igent woman, very fond of reading, and
Polly was always lecturing her on her
expensive tastes.
II do think it's too foolish in you to
waste your money that way, and spend
your time, too. You pay out enough
hard cash every year for such trash as
would buy two or three fat calves; if
you'd done that way, cOuntin' the
material increase, you'd had herd of
cattle by this time, instid of all this lit
ter of books an papers; an you might
drawn in dozen rugs just like miner
Mrs. VOlney took this advice from Pol
ly in good part, the for maiden lady was
really kind hearted and well disposed,
too ignorant of etiquette and prOpriety.
or the most common things belonging
TO cultured, and might add, civilized
life, to be aware of the impertinence of
her suggestions.
So great was her prejudice against
newspapers and books as wholly useless,
that, while to the lightning rod, sewing
machine and patent pump man she
would give not altogether impatient
hearing and examination of his wares,
the mild-mannered book or newspaper
agent, with chrome attachments, was
sure to receive a severe mo, sir, you
need not trouble yourself to take step
inside! I've no time to look at such
trash an no money to throw away on it;
and if you want piece of my mind I'll
tell YOU you'd better pitch into hard
work than to go round In such low bust
nessw and she always gave call to the
dog, who stood by grinning with white
teeth that added to the effect of POlly's
remarks, the agent mildly said, Good
morning." and retired, crab-wise, with
meek side chances in the dogs direction,
and never came again.
But Polly was human and woman,
and in state where men do so much
more abound than the other sex, she
had scarcely wondered why, with so
many substantial attractions of farm
stock, full cribs and fat turkeys, her
strong bOnv hand had not been sought
in matrimony. AS she grew older ard
accumulated more, she often felt the
disadvantages of not being around so as
to know the prices of things. but she
was entirely ignorant Of the value or
use of newspaper in giving her the in
formation wanted. Besides, she wearied
of tending the stock and holding the
plOw, and IL vexed her still more to pay
her hard earned cash to some Indifferent
hired man, whom she feared or knew
sighted his work, or in some way cheat
ed her.
One day while chaffering about
plow, she noticed on the premium list Of
the coming county fair:
BEST loaf Of wheat bread, IS, and
Kansas Farmer for one year."
The last clause very much puzzled
her, but she concluded that even for a