The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1882-10-05
B-A-A, B-A-A, B-A-A.
A halfloaf is better than whole loafer.
Man. hands ara apoaoo5 in printing INIT

A hall loaf is better than WnOle loaler.
Many hands are engaged in printing, but
we have seen foot print.
Egg socials at which the young men are
expected to shell out, are fashionable all
over the west.
81 occasionally drop into poetry" as the
man said when he fell into the editorial
waste basket.
Why are good resolutions like squall-
| ing baby at church? Because they should
be carried out.
Greer cucumbers are not connected with
any secret society, but TREY can teach you
many grips and sighin's.
A babe, says a writer, is mothers an
Choir. We have often heard that the first
thing she does is to weigh it.
apalady says he aen this coffee nstha isn't It
your last month 4, board BILL"
A Dutch Judge, on conviction of a culprit
for having four wives, decided: "He hash
punishment plenty; lifts mid one."
Never address yourself to person en-
gagged in footing up a column Of figures.
There is nothing so deaf as an adder.
'Better be alone than in bad company"
True, but unfortunately, many persons are
never in so bad company as when they are
alone.
"Be chaste and you'll be happy" is con-
tradicted point blank bya Black Hills man,
who was chased ten miles recently, by a
party Of Indians.
Theodore Hook once said to poet at
whose table his publisher got drunk, why,
you appear to have emptied your wine
cellar into our bookseller"
Teacher in natural philosophy; "Sup-
pose you wished to gain velocity in train
OF wheels, what would you DOR Smart
scholar: "Grease the axles, ma'am."
HERDS Webster on BRIDGE said Mrs.
Partington, as she handed to Ike a new
unabridged dictionary. "Study it con-
tentively, and you will gain great deal OF
Inflammation"
Darwin acknowledged himself matched
when his little niece asked him, seriously,
what cat has that no other animal has.
He gave it up, after mature elaboration,
and then the sly puss answered, kittens"
SIS there any opening here for an intel.
lectual writer?' asked a seedy, red-nosed
individual of an editor "Yes, my friend"
replied the man of quilts. "a considerate
carpenter, foreseeing your visit, left an
opening for you. Turn the knob to the
right
1t was in the time Of Cromwell, we be-
lieve that an illiterate soldier contrived to
spell the word usage" without a single
letter properly belonging to it.. He wrote
it "yowzitch," and, when told that the
spelling was incorrect, declared that nobody
could spell with a quill pen from an Irish
goose.
The editor of a newspaper that has
adopted phonetic spelling in measure, re-
ceived a postal from an old subscriber in
the country, which read as follows; II hey
TUX yer paper fur leven yeres, but IL you
kant spell emmy better than you have been
doin fur the last tn morts You may jes
stoppit."
A lady, well-known for her absent
mindedness, had been out marketing one
morning, and in her hurry she picked up
cucumber and left her pocket-book on the
counter. She did not discover her mistake
until she came 10 pay her Car fare, and
found the conductor would not accept her
cucumber as such.
Speaking Of Ingersoll's lecture on The
Mistakes OF Moses, y Mark Twain said, 81
wouldn't give a cent 10 hear Ingersoll on
Moses, but I'd give $40 10 hear Moses on
Ingersoll." In the preface Of his Tramp
Abroad he SAYS. Pm going TO try to keep
etatistics ont OF this book; but doubt i'll
succeed. Figures stew out Of me just as
naturally as the otter Of roses out OF the
otter"
A little boy, on sitting down 10 breakfast
exclaimed 80. ma, I'm Just too tired TO
eat 70 After a little persuasion he CON-
menced on the buckWheat cakes, and when
the sixteenth cake was disappearing, his
mother said johnny, thought you were
too tired 10 eat - well, was, the hope
fuf replied. but now that ! am started, I
am 100 tired 10 quit" Exit another
cake.l
A little 5-year-old was beirg instructed
in morals By his grandmother. The Old
lady told him that al such terms ne By
gDliv. by lingo. By thunder. etc. were only
little oafhs. and but little better than other
rrUfnnities In fact, she sid be could tell
! profane oath b. the prefix All such
we're oaths. well then, Grandmother"
said the little hopeful, is BY telegraph
which I see in the paper, swearing
'sSo.r said The old lady. that's only "