Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-07-13
JUST GOOD ENOUGH.
Brother Gardner Defines the Happy
Medium Between Virtue and Vice.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
| There was great excitement in Paradise
Hall as the members began to assemble. The
Calvert Lithograph Company had for weeks
been engaged in getting out a chrome enti-
tied: Passing the Bean-box in Paradise
Hail." The chrome shows the entire inter
ior of the hall, and the forms and faces Of
sixty or seventy members. The first chrome
printed was sent to the janitor of the club to
be exhibited, and to say that the prominent
members were pleased, gratified, Knocked
down and dragged out would not cover the
case.
Giveadam Jones, who looks the hero and
statesman that he is, said of the chrome
mo respectable family should be without
one"
the Beart trap. looked the picture over care
fully fourteen times and then observed
Children will cry for it in every county in
America"
Waydown Bebee's eyes glared with enthu-
siasm as he stood and contemplated the work
of art, and turning to Rev. Penstock he soft
ly whispered: We don't look as beautiful as
angels, but them benign expreshuns can't be
beaten"
Various other members indulged in t1atter-
ing remarks, and when Brother Gardner en-
tered the hall there was hardly dry eye in
the house. He stood in front of the picture
in earnest contemplation for few minutes.
and then walked to his accustomed seat and
opened the meeting by saying:
1T pays to be good. Don't be too good, but
be just good 'nough. Christopher Columbus
diskivered America, but has he eber bin put
in a chrome? He was too good. Cap. Kid
de pirate neber eben had his photograph ON
sale. Why? Kase he was too bad. My ad-
vice to you is to hit de happy neutral groun
between Columbus and Kid. One was too
good to want to knock SOMEBODY'S head off
arter stubbing his toe on stone; de odder
was too bad to subscribe fur a religious pub
lication. AS l tole in a former lectur, be
purity good on de hull an leetle bad on de
average. If you fin a lost wallet don't
give it up until you have counted the money
it an have de bes' of proof dat somebody
lost it. If you lose your own wallet, doan'
expect any better from the finder. Doan' be
profane, an yit doan' hesitate to Civ de En-
glish language full sweep when you cotch
boy girdlin' your apple trees. Honor yer
fader and your mudder, but doan' lend de
ole man any money onless you have good Sc
curity. Come down literally to erect churches,
but if you have any brick to sell ask the
contractor full price. Do your dooty by or
phan asylums, but doan' board any orphans
fur less dan So week. Love yer naybur as
thyself, but see dat he returns yer shovel an
spade an rake in good order, or make him
pay de retail price. Be honest, but doan' let
a grocer imagine dat you buy quart box of
strawberries expectin' to git ober pint an a
half. Obey de law, but doan' clean out yer
alley onless yer naybur does Be seen often
At church, but doan' argy dot de preacher
knows de aige of de world an de area of
Heaben any better nan lots of odder folks.
Support de cause of educashun, an yit re-
member dat some of our biggest fools am
people who hove been stuffed full of it. Wild
lese few impervious dejeckshuns to assimil
ate de general incongruity of astronomy, we
will now endeavor to disparage de simlitude
IF de syntax."