The Owosso times., 1882-01-06
Beer and Gov. Perkins.

} a Tall, thin man, With red nose
gray side-whiskers, and melanchol
expression, drifted into the Office las
} week and asked, in subdusd voice,
there was an unemployed reporter ol
the staff just then.
because" said the stranger, "a yer,
peculiar thing happened up eur way
| live at Hayes valley-this morning
and which, perhaps, you might worl
up into sort Of item, somehow"
"What sort of thiAg2" said th'
managing editor, winking to the fight
ing editor to get his club ready in cast
the sad man pulled out poem or any
other dangerous cOntrivance.
| "Well, in the first place. said the
stranger, abstractedly, "do you happier
to know the effect Of beer on ami
mails ?"
"Can't say do"
'1nstead of soothing 'em, it excites
their nervous organization to the high
est pitch. Actually makes them in,
sane. This morning, as it was rather
sllltry, l sent my youngest boy for a
gallon of beer. He stopped on the way
and put the can down to play marbles
McGinty's old black billy-goat came
along and drank up the beer-every
drop of it, and nearly choked to death
on the can. He stood blinking around
little for awhile; then he started for
the street-car, with all colors set. He
hit the horse square amidship, and it
foundered at once"
"Wrecked, l suppose?" said the edit
or.
Precisely. The goat then glanced
off, killed the driver and telescoped the
car. 1 was sitting at the window all
this time, and my attention was attract
ed by Governor Perkins going down
the street.
Governor Perkins ~
"That's the goats name, you see.
McGinty is a strong Republican. There
were four men getting piano out of a
wagon across the street, when the Gev-
ernor went through 'em like a pile
driver behind time. The Steinway
was sent to the mandatory and the
men 10 the hospital.
"On the next block the Governor
came across Dutch picnic, headed by
a brass band. The Teutons were toet-
ing Listen to the Mocking Bird and
the way that goat stood Oh his hind legs
and waltzed around the pavement to
the music was just too funny for any
thing. L may say that it was actually
amusing. 1t slipped on banana peel
once, and fell against cigar sign"
"Never mind the scenery" said the
editor.
"Well, pretty soon the band changed
off into Come where My Love Lies
Dreaming"
"Did the goat Gomez"
"YOu Just bet he did. He didn't
fancy the new tune somehow, and the
first thing the drum major knew, Per-
ky-we call the goat Perky for short
took him in the stomach, broke him
clean in two, went through the rest of
the band, including the big drum, and
so ON clear down to the end of the pic
mic, which was feur squares long. l
think there were ninety-two killed and
eight hundred and six wounded. Pretty
good, when you consider the entire
driving power was only one gallon of
cheap beer; now, wasn't it? Now, it
occurred to"
"Just one minute" said the editor.
"Allow me to explain what occurred to
you. You concluded to catch the goat
when he get sober, and bring him down
here for our benefit. You have him
now tied to a fire-plug around the cor
ner, and if we will only chip in about
four bits for beer, you will get the ami
NAL started and we can watch the fun. "
Exactly" said the stranger, warm
ly; "that is precisely my idea. l will
now take up collec-"
X \
That afternoon, such of the custom
ers of tine Post as toiled up into the ed
iterial rooms, wondered at the number
of fresh blood stains ON the stairs
San Francisco Post.
L
| Tho aTTnpAaannahIa Ant