News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-02-16
WIT AND WISDOM.


though sure of both at last.
WOULD cut his own acquaintance
a man knew as much about himself as
he does about his neighbor, he would
never speak to himself. = Whitehall
Times.
New reading of an old phrase: "Gen-
erous to fault" may be sail of many
men. At least, they are generous
enough to their own faults.-LoUett
| Citizen.
IT does break up the landlord OF q
hotel to have guest say Landlord,
I think it would be an improvement If
this shoe brush had another hair in it,
Boston Post.
A FISH caught in Georgia the other
day was found to contain half-dollar.
1t was probably on its way to buy a
matinee ticket when captured. .-Phita-
deilohia Chronicle.
| MASTER" What does Condillac say
about brutes in the scale of being ?"
Scholar" He says brute is an imper-
feet animal" "And what is man p
"Man is a perfect brute"
A FULL grown lie: When child can
not answer a question he never says:
"Oh, don't bother me now, I'm busy
Only children of larger growth deal in
such subterfuges. es.--Boston Transcript.
A New. YORK man was imprisoned
thirty days for stealing fifty cents.
Served him right, the rascal. He should
have stolen half million dollars and
bought in the court. -Nes1 Haven
Register.
TT does aggravate man to think that
while bis wife isn't afraid to tackle him
and nearly yank his head off she is mad
ly terrorized by COW that he can
chase out of the yard at any time
Boston Post.
"WHAT was the immediate cause of
his rapid fortune?" asked mutual
friend. "Ob, he advertised steadily in
the paper that went directly to the peo-
pie, was the suggestive reply. "Good,"
said the other, 81 shall carry the NesOs
to Mary"
"ANNIE," said fond husband to his
wife, "what were the current expenses
for last month ?" "Oh !" she answered,
"only twenty. eight cents - "Why,
how is that ?" Well, you see, only
baked cake twice, and therefore used
very few currants."
"EIGHT parts in 10 of the blood con-
sists of pure water, do you remark
that Mrs. Tooforida ?" 81 do, sir, and
if it's your own blood you are talking
about, Mr.. Tooforida, take my word
for 1t the other two parts consist of
whisky"
''THIs butter, Mr.. Spices" said the
dealer, "carried off the prize at the
farmers fair," and Seth spat out taste
of the compound and remarked: "Un-
less the prize was ships anchor and
chain cable, should think the butter
could have carried it off easily"
IT is estimated that if man lives to
seventy-two years he passes at least
twenty-four years in sleep. So, you
see, man is pretty good sort of fell
low one-third Of the time, bad as he
may be the remaining rwo-thirds. Let
us be charitable. e.-Boston Transcript.
THE poet says ''A kiss without q
mustache is like an egg without salt"
May be it is, may be it is; we can't
say positively, for the girls we've been
used to kissing for the last twenty
NoyY'istoa07a Herald.
The Boston Journal says that the
persons who get up to go out just before
the close of play are evasive debtors,
who perceive importunate creditors in
the house and wish to slip out with all
speed, thus annoying people who wish
to enjoy the climax.
The evil doer is sure to meet his fate
at last. This is like the Irishman who
covered himself up with the sheets to
escape the mosquitoes, but who ex-
planned when lightning bug entered
the room, "There's no use; here is one
of 'em come wild lantern. It's all over
wild me, sure"
A LADY who knows more than Ovid
about love says that man is "not In
earnest unless he gets SO confused tha
he can't tell his hands from his feet.
If, therefore, you want to prove your
devotion, young man, put your hands
on the fender and try to get your feet
into your pockets.
WHEN fond father presents his SON
with new hand sled, nothing pleases
him so much as to find it at the foot OF
the kitchen steps when he goes to the
wood-shed at night after coal, and have
it rear up and throw him into the corner
with his head in the coal-scuttle and his
mind in a condition no one can describe
A MAN with a silver plated double
back action coin holder came into the
sanctum the other day, and commenced
explaining the beauties of the article
for holding silver halves, etc, and he
had gotten half through before he found
he was in printing Office. When he
saw his mistake he went to the door,
sadly opened it, and kicked himself
Gear down stairs.
AN oUT-oF-TowN druggist entered a
Boston apothecary shop and had a
simple prescription put mp. The charge
was 81. so. He remarked that it was
rather dear, BECAUSE as he was a
druggist himself, he knew the price OF
the ingredients. "That alters the case,
was the response; "seventeen cents,
please"
A LADY called on her milliner the
other day to investigate the character of
a servant. The respectable appearance
of the latter was beyond questioning.
"But is she honest ?" asked the lady.
81 am no SO certain about that, re-
piled the milliner have sent her to
you with my bill dozen times, and she
has never yet given me the money"
ST MAY differ frum de religious folks, !"
says a colored sage, "when I say dat rs
got more respect fur de woodpecker
den l has fur Gle dove. De dove is 'ceit-
full. He'll COO around an coax yer inter
| o~,,,,othx, lDut ooou 90 var hack 10