The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-01-27
The VIGTIM OF A VIRTUE.
BY JAMES PAYN.

BY JAMES PAWN.
I am one of those persons, enYied for
three months in the year and pitied for
nine, who "live q little way" out of
London. In the summer, our residence
is charming one; the garden especially
is delightful and attracts troops of Lon
don friends, They are not only always
willing to dine with us, but drop in of
their own motion and STAY for the last
train to town. The vague observation
"any fine day." or the more evasive
phrase "some fine day." used in COM
plimentary invitations, are then very
dangerous for us to employ, for we are
taken at our word, just as though we
meant it. This would be very crafty
ing, however expensive, if it only hap
pened all the year round. But from
October to June nobody comes near us.
In reply to our modest invitations we
then receive such expressions of tender
regret as would convince the most skep-
teal SO previous engagement" Sin
disposition of our youngest born, :" "the
horses i'll, some catastrophe or other.
ing another evening with us Z" like that
charming one they spent last July"
They hope, however, to be given the
same happy chance again, "when the
weather IS a little less inclement" by
which they mean next summer. AS for
coming to dine with us in winter. they
will see us further first-by which they
mean nearer first. Sometimes at their
own boards we hear this stated, though
OF course without any inten tional appli-
cation. Some guests will observe to us,
apropos OF dinners, sit is most extra
ordinary how people who live half !.
dozen miles out of town will attempt to
ignore the seasons and expect us to go
and dine with them, just as if it was
August, through four feet of snow. It
does really seem-as Jones, our excellent
host, was saying the other day the very
helght OF personal conceit."
AS we have occupied our present resi-
dence for some years, we have long had
the conceit taken out of us but we have
still our feelings. Our social toes are
not absolutely frost bitten, and when
thus trodden upon, we are aware OF the
circumstance. 1t grieves us to know
what Jones has thought (and said) of us,
and MY wife drops quiet tear or two dur
ing our drive home in the brougham. 1
am bound to confess it is rather long
ride. find myself dropping asleep be-
fore we have left brick and mortar be-
hind us, and as we cross the great COM
mon near our home feel a considerable
change in the temperature. It is a
beautiful, breezy spot, with q lovely
view in summer time the playground
of the butterfly and the place of the bee !;
but in the wiuter it is cold enough.
In the daytime there is nobody there
at all. In the evening, at uncertain in
teryals, there is the patrol. In the old
times it used to be favorite haunt of
the Knights OF the Road; during whose
epoch, by,the.by, l should fancy that
those who lived in the locality found it
even more difficult to collect their friends
around them than now. It has still a
bad name for tramps and vagabonds,
which makes my wife little nervous
when the days begin to "draw in" and
our visitors to draw off. She insists
upon my going over the house before
redrlng to rest every night and making
report of "Alfs WE'LL" Being myself
not much over five feet high in my boots.
and considerably less in my slippers Gin
which 1 am won't to make these pere.
grlnations), it has often suggested itself
to my mind that it would be more judi
cious to leave the burglars to do their
worst as regards the plate and things,
and not risk what is Ito mel much more
valuable. OF course could "hold the
lives of half dozen men in my hand :"
"A quotation from my favorite author
by merely arming myself with
a loaded revolver; but the simple
TACT is, am so unskilled in the use
of any weapon (unless the umbrella
can be called such) that I should be
just as likely to begin with shooting
number one Chat is MYSELF as number
two, the " first ruffian." "Never will
ingly, my dear, " says 1 to Julia "wiu
/ shed the hfe-blood of any human
being, and least of all my own" On
the other hand, as / believe In the force
OF imagination, always carry, on these
expeditions, in the pocket of my dress
ing gown, child's pistol-belongin to
our infant, Edward John-which looks
like real one, and would, 1 am per-
suaded, have all the effect of real one
In my hands without the effect of per-
sonal peril. Miserable rutfians,'' had
made up my mind to say when coming
upon the gang, ''your lives are in my
power, (here l exhibit the pistols BUTT,
but out of perhaps mistaken Glenn
ency will only shoot one of you, the
one that is the last to leave my house. I
. shall count six, (or sixteen, according
to the number of the gang), land then
fire. Upon which they would. [ cal
culated, all skedaddle helterpelter to
the door they got in at, which 1 should
lock and double-lock after them. You
may ask, "why double-lock?" but you
will get no satisfactory reply. know
no more what to double-lock" means
than You do. but my favorite novelist
sensational one-always uses it, and I
conclude he ought to know.
1t was the beginning of misty Octo-
Der, when the leaves had fallen of early.
and our friends had followed their ex-
ample, and [ had been sitting up alone
INTO the small hours resolute to hear nv
tayorlte author to the bitter end-his
third volume, wherein all the chief
characters Except the comic ones) are
slain, save one who is left sound in
wind and limb, but with an hereditary
disposition to commit suicide. Some
what depressed by its perusal and ex-
ceedingly sleepy, | went about my usual
task of seeing all was right in some
what careless and perfunctory manner,