The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-11-09
WIT AND HUMoR.

When q bald-headed man buys q
| duster, mohair would be most appropri-
| ate.
my dear boy" wrote an Irishman
to his son. ''never put off till to-mor-
row what you have done to-day"
'.rm going through the dark valet"
said the highwayman, as he robbed the
colored coachman.
The coat tail Irritation is the latest
| A wrinkled coat tail bearing dusty toe
marks means II have spoken TO your
| father.
Force of habit is wonderful! A Natick
! man named Tucker christened his son
| Daniel, and everybody makes it point
to tell the boy to get out of the way. Z
''It is not necessary for a man to be
poor to be honest.n Certainly not. But
it seems sort o half way necessary for
a man to be poor if he is honest.
Qais.
The Bridgeton (Me.) Neacs calmly
says: ''The types last week made us say
that The showers were not sufficient to
meet the wants of milkmen,' ETC., in
stead of .millmen.'
The farmers have made such profit
on sunflowers this season that they are
praying that England will send over
man of the Oscar Wilde stripe to make
! mulleins and burdocks fashionable for
| button-hole bouquets.
''Does our talk disturb youp" said one
of company of talkative ladies to an
| old gentleman sitting in a railroad sta
ton the other afternoon. mo, ma am,''
was the naive reply. i've been married
nigh on to forty years"
''Allow me to be your beau" said a
| gentleman, placing his umbrella in a
shower. Thank you. I've plenty of
fair weather beaux; so suppose l must
call you my rain-beau," she replied
archly.
An old citizen, returning to his home
from banquet, meets another old citi-
zen coming from the opposite direction.
"lsh thiSb the avanuePn asked No. l.
''How sIouiG | knowp l wash at the
banquet myself"
German workman-"Yaas, it it drue
some OF mein countrymen drink moch
bier, but it is not strong and does not
make dem dronk." British workman
''No? Then what the dooce is the use
| tueul-d-uTluklu OF ltE
.'Y ou made fool of me-" said an ir-
ate man to mis- wife. my love-" she
sweetly responded, ''you do yourself in
| justice. Call yourself fool if you wish,
but remember you are in all respects q
self-made man.
| lyon are now one," said the minister
to the happy pair he had just tied to-
| gether with knot they never could un-
| do. (Which onep' asked the BRIDE
''You will have to settle that for your
selves" said the clergyman.
An old miser, who was notorious for
| self-denial, was one day asked why he
| was so thin. Il Go not know" said the
| miser. II have tried various means for
| getting fattci, but without success
Have you tried victualsPn inquired a
| friend.
'1t's my last resort, my last resort"
/ murmured dejected-looking individual
| as he braced himself against lamp
post last night. ..What is thatpS in
quired a sympathetic bystander. -
Home" was the mournful reply, 'home,
sweet home.''
A Vermonter has invented water
telescope with which he claims he can
see tiye-cent piece in forty feet of the
water But the blasted telescope does
mt bring coin up; so seeing it is only
an aggravation, and we don't want any
such INSTRUMENTATION Post.
'The white wonder of her arms is too
divinely perfect for anything of mere
flesh and blood, and that she is but the
beatific phantom of some delicious
dream chiselled into glorious trangibil-
ity by some old master cunning hand,
Inc above was written by a Boston
youth about Adelaide Detchon, .ne act
ress His mother has been sent for and
at last accounts he was Improving.
Boy" said a stranger to lad who
was backing his boots in front of IL ho-
tel recently. ''if should give you dol
lar, would your first impulse be to go to
the circusP' mo, SIR" was the prompt
reply. "My first impulse would be that
1T was counterfeit bill!'-Detroit Free
Press.
A little lady of q years had picked
up cane in the corner of the room and
was playing with it-a plain stick bent
at the end. Papa asked, What are
you doing with the cane?' 'sIt isn't q
cane 'What is it, then? ''It's an UNI
brella without any clothes on it,
Eyes, you may come again next Sun
day evening, Charley, dear, butt
What is it, darlipge Have | given you
PAM ne asked. as she still remained
silent. '4ou didn't mean to, I'm sure"
she responded, ''but next time don't
wear one of those collars with the points
turning outward; they scratch So"
An Indianapolis minister thus reliev-
ed himself: ''We are living with a tele-
phone at each Christian mouth, a dia-
scope at the eye, sphygmaphone at
the pulse, and we sent lightning shocks
of mercurial Christian force around the
globe and on-chasing the centuries.''
Very naturally, the Buffalo Express
thinks he is wanted in Boston.
A guest ct the table of a boarding
house on the Catskill Mountains, who
was about to tackle piece of dried ap-
pie PIE, addressing the landlay, said:
"Do you think you could furnish me
with bit of cheese?" Il don't know
whether there is any," she answered, in
a castiroE tone of voice, .sbut if you'll
nave little patience, I'll send
waiter to look through the mouse-traps
and see. ."-Broektyn Eagle.
II can't get up early" said poor
victim to his doctor. ''Oh, yes YOU
can" was the reply, eff you will only
follow my advice. What is your hour
of rising?' mine O'clock Well. pet
up half an hour later every day, and in
the course of month You will find
yourself up at four in the morning. ;
''How beautiful is the dome of heaven
this evening" said Angelica, as she
leaned heavily on his arm. 'sThe stars
seem to look down upon u.s. .sOh,
yes" said practical John, sits impos-
sible for them to look up to us, you
know. They cawn't." Sudden check
OF an evening full of most delightful
sentimentality.
A traveller created sensation in a
PhiladeIDhia dennt fbo 1,L1x, ,x.o~:-- L.