Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1882-05-11
No. IS.
CURIOUS CONTEST.
How ii Young Lady Decided Between
Two Ardent Lovers.
Kansas State Gazette. .


Miss Millie Pixton has long been known
as the most beautiful girl in rural Arkansas,
The night she graduated at q log school
house, n drummer who was present swore by
his sacred samples and the enterprise OF the
firm which he represented that the girl
could not only take the sweet bread, but that
she could overawe any woman of her inches
outside OF the over-tlowed districts Con
sequently, Miss Pixton became belle. Ar
dent youths engraved her name on all the
beech trees in the community. Old men
sang her praise. Her only enemies were the
less fortunate women. Among the numerous
admirers who visited Miss Pixton and en-
tered suit in the court of sentiment for her
hand, and mayhap her feet, were two young
men of unusual promise Dick Greggs and
Hank OXpatch. These young men loved
with love that was more than Il love
They were stuck One night while both OF
these young men were pleading with the
beautiful girl she said:
"Gentlemen, | love both of you 1t is
strange that woman can love two men just
the same, but | do, all the same. Dick, you
are man of influence. 1t is said that you
can kiyer more corn with q hoe in day
than any man in the neighborhood This is
powerful advertising card, | must admit.
For a long time have thought that il l got
married, one of the features making up the
accomplishments Of my husband, must be a
recognized dexteIity in kivering corn. You
are good man, Dick. Some time ago when
| seed you fling Buck Elmstoot over the fence
| told pap that you was a good man, and
would make some woman happy. | love you
+oII Ix- lint 7
for love Hank equally as well Hank, dear
Hank, you are worthy of any woman's love
| am-told Hankie, that you can chop more
wood than any man in the country. | have
said that if ever married, it would be to
man who could handle an axe with heroic
activity The other day when | seed you
ketch that white SOW by the ear and hold
her out at arms length remarked to my
mother says ] Nam, that man is capable
of making some woman joyously joyous.
love you Hank, but | cannot marry you, be
cause love Dick too. Now, | want to do
the fair thing by both Of you. There amt
nothing din,inutive about me. There amt
no molecules in my composition. / am made
of genuine Jumps of principle. | know that
it is difficult matter to settle this affair
satisfactorily, therefore, | must adopt some
plan. The man, who. two weeks from t.
day will perform in my presence the most
wonderful feat, shall claim me. Go away.
and practice.
The young men arose and silently depart
ed. They retired from society. The neigh
bors knew that each man was preparing
himself tor the exhibition and the
entire neighborhood became excited over
the approaching festivities. When the
day arrived the Pixton mansion was
crowded. The exhibition was to take place in
the yard. where seats for the audience were
arranged, Dick drssed in a tight fitting suit
was the first announced. Taking position he
brayed and by a muscular movement worked
his ears. 1t was evident that he intended
playing the part of the mule Before pro-
ceeding farther he called for a revision of
the statutes, Viz: That he should act the
mule as naturally as possible, and that un-
less his competitor could surpass him in por-
traying the disposition of the mule, the girl
was to be handed over to him. A vote was
taken and the revision passed. Dick then
brayed again and worked his ears. The
audience shouted. Hank then took position.
He did not attempt to work his ears. 1t was
evident that the audience was becoming dis
gusted. One of Hanks friends entered the
arena to whisper something to the actor.
Hank squealed. hauled off and kicked the
man in the face. The audience yelled with
enthusiasm. The victory was decided. The
girl was handed to Hank. The happy pair
arrived in Little Rock yesterday.