The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1882-12-29
HUMOROUS.

der hoo he can see tae dot, and him
stone blin'l" Jock --"IIe dinna need tae
beet, lass lie hears with his fingersv'
[London Pnnch.
Boy: "What is AN icvnoclasi, papa?
Man; can iconoclast is one who, if he
were blown TO pieces by dynamite,
would kick because he could not stand
round and rejoice over the wreck."-
Boston Star.
A Canadian minister who found a
punched half dollar in the contribution
box philosophically said to his congre-
cation: "Let us be thankful that the
good brother had this silver coin with
a hole in it, for otherwise he might
have given only cent"
"Little girl, do you know whose
house this is" asked solemn-looking
old man of bright child seated on the
church steps. eyes, sir; it's Gods,
but he amt iD," she added, as the old
gentleman was about to walk up the
steps, "and his agents gone to Europe"
lex.
A Toronto lady in hurrying to church
took from her dark closet what she
thought to be her dolman. She hung
the garment over her arm, and did not
discover until she had thrown it over
the back of the pew in front of her in
church that she had brought by mistake
pair of her husbands trousers.
Hundreds of thousands of men die
annually from strong drink.-Kansas
Prohibitionist. We never undertake TO
criticise any other editor, but VIC do
not believ that any man can die annual
ly. Annually means every year, and
no man can die every: year for any great
length of time, unless he has q great
deal of practice and experience at the
Observation-Disclosures Siftings.
Time to die: A Respectable Cow.
once approached a Butcher with the
Remark: "will you Kindly knock me
in the Head, for already have l Lived
too long," "And why" asked the
Butcher in Amazement, "Do you desire
to Perishr' "Because," replied the
Conscience Smitten Cow with a blush.
am Overwhelmed by the Awful
Thought that am Boss [Denver
Tribune.
He was pattern American humor-
list, though only backwoods politician,
who rose lin the Arizona Legislature
during the discussion of bill to stock
the streams of that region of perpetual
drought with fish, and solemnly pro-
posed an amendment appropriaung
sufficient funds to provide each fi.h
with canteen in which to carry water.
One day toward nightfall, and in un-
certain light, man bought an overcoat
of pretended plum color. The next
morning it proved to be of a quite too
unmistakable green. Returning it TO
the shopkeeper that worthy regarded
the buyer calmly and said: "You must
have little patience with it, my dear
ir, it isn't ripe yet"
She sweared: ''Do you know the ma
ture of an oath?" asked Judge of q
colored woman. eyes, sab; | reckon
!. does" "You know, then, what il is
to swearT' eyes, sab; l reckon |
does" "IIold up your hand and
swear" She held up her hand and
ripped out an oath which almost took
the Judges breath. 81 will send You
to Jail for this, you miserable creature -
"For what, Jedge?" "For using pro-
fame language in this court ROOM II
doesn't know what you mean by fame
: language. Yer told me ter war an |
swar'd. White folks gittin' SO high up
it gins nigger crick in the naik ter
; look up at 'em. Use gwine Ter leave
dis town, case wasn't borned in Ar
kansaw, no how."- Arkansaw Travel
ler.
Charles Dickens had very good
i story about the early Gays of a renown-
ed mourning establishment. lie went
i, there one day about some mourning,
q aud was ushered into room where sal
a shopman with an attendant in woe
a stricken habiliment who groaned ont
Il "A father, a mother, perhaps O
wife,"
"Oh, no." said Dickens, "only dis.
tant relative!~
"Oh, sir" said the funereal one, "you
have made a mistake; this is the
@ chamber of agonizing woe. John, tol
the bell and show the gentleman into
the light aflllction department.