Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1882-04-15
HUMORS OF THE DAY

WHEN wild cattle get loose, people are
apt to suffer from hist-steria,
TO FIND lawyer who charges only a
nominal Zee certainly is phenomenal.
WHO ever saw woman use hammer
to drive tack when a fiat iron was
handy. ""'
Stop the press p the editor franti-
caily shouted to the young fellow who
was hugging his observation-disclosures
Free Press.
LIE 1acetlous postage-stamp clerk that
toid man that asked for two twos that
TINS was not an aesthetic postoffice is
now looking for a new situation.
trout Free Press.
CHEESE it." said the rat to the trap.
will, said the trap, "and with
baited breath I await your coming. +"
All right" responded the rat, IS and
L IL wire you the result. "-Nep Jersey
Enterprise.
PERHAPS in 1000 years hence, there
VIII come man to Chios to make exca-
vatlons IN the ruins of the DESTROYED
towns, and make out of an old. broken
barber-cup and three broken chairs the
statue OF the Apostle Paul.-P,tck.
So YOU are going to lecture ?" in
CURED friend of musical professor re-
Gently. ''What on?'' "Well, if I am
entirely sober, on my feet" was the re-
ply. ''That's wrong" was the response:
never give superficial talk on large sub
jects."
MAYBE you can bat over the pyramids
with tallow candle, but you can't con-
V1noa n IUoO1oY1 4baS tha 4 xD,oxo 600
not brutal because they won't keep a
train waiting for her to kiss her friends
and say goodbye" for the twentieth
time.
A HARD case: Mr. Maloonv-" Now,
look her, Bridget, | can ENCORE this no
longer. I've wore that little Ships shirts
patiently for months and months and
now we've got to get the washing for a
Ionger-armed man or get a shorther-
armed husband
He slipped quietly il at the door, but
catching sight of an inquiring face over
the stair rail, said: ''Sorry so late, nv
dear; couldn't get car before" Sc So
the cars were full, too" said the lady;
and further remarks were unnecessary.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
RAILROAD man met with painful
accident the other evening. He had
Just emptled one schooner of beer, and
was in the act of reaching for another
when his wife appeared unexpectedly
upon the scene. He was caught between
the bumpers with the usual result
Nea0 York Graphic.
HIRAM GREEN was Juggling up coal
when he stubbed his toe and fell, causing
him to accidentally let slip cuss word.
Amt you 'shamed of yourself Where
do you expect you'll go to when you
die?" asked his wife. "To a place
where l shan't have to lug coal, by
thunder p and he continued on
Whitehall Times.
Say, boy!" called woman to a bare
foot lad, and admonishingly shaking a
fore-finger, what are you throwing
water on that cat fur % "The water
won't hurt the cat fur" replied the
youth, and the woman, whose grammar
was rebulked, said she didn't want any
of his ''sass. '-No,rjstotVn Herald.
The class in natural history was be-
fore the examining board, and had been
answering questions as to the use of
various domestic animals, when one of
the examiners, a supplemented farmer,
very fond of fishing, puzzled the pupils
by asking: g What are eels for?" No
body appeared to know until lad on
one of the back seats said 81 think
can guess" "Wen, go ahead" replied
the examiner. 90 What are they for. -
ITO skin," was the answer. -Brookly,a
Eagle.