Connecticut western news., 1882-09-06
THE LTME.KILN CLUB.
A Lesson Learned-A Remedy-A
 Question of Fees.
[From the Detroit Free Press, l

A Lesson Learned-A Remedy-A
 Question of Fees.
 From the Detroit Free Press.1
 Samuel Shin has learned a lesson which will remain fresh in his mind i; he lives to be ten thousand years old. As he entered the lodge to arrange the chairs and benches for the opening of the regular Saturday night meeting, he discovered @ big watermelon on the stove. Samuel is not always a respecter of the rights of property. His every. day theory is "To the finder belongs the watermelon" Having no doubt that this fruit had been left behind by some member at the last meeting, and hoping that he had time to devour the whole of It before any one should come in, he proceeded 10 business. Scarcely had he laid hands on the melon before there was an explosion which upset every- thing in the room and landed Samuel under the lavender bench forty feet away. He received three cuts on the nose, two on the chin, had his wool bad ly frizzled, and it will be seven weeks before he will be able to wink with his left eye.
 Gem'len, I trust dat dis lesson will snk deep into yer hearts an be tooken fur solemn warnin," said Brother Gardner, as he opened the meeting. "In de fust place de pusson who let's his curiosity lead him aroun' by de nose will trabbel in de swamps as often as on de highway. In de nex' place, he who has no respects fur de rights of odders will often fin possesshun dangerous thing. Had Brudder Shin stood off a distance of ten feet, an bin content to gaze on dat mellyon, an let his mouf water ober de idea ob what was inside he would not at dis mint be lyin' on bench in de anty-room wid his head on a paint keg an his heart grievin' fur de long ago. Envy am de fodder on which a small-minded man exists. Jealousy am de weapon of man who hasn't brains huff to pull himself up. Avarice am a feelin' borrowed from de hog. We will now go ahead an warm up de machinery of routine bizness."
 A REMEDY.
 Under the head of communications the Secretary read letter from the office of the Secretary of State of In. diana asking the club to use its influ- ence to stop the adulteration of food and drink, and inquiring if Brother Gardner had any suggestions to make.
 ''I has given dis adulterashun subieck considerable thought" said the old man as he elevated his glasses. "When I take home fo' cents worth of bakin' powder, I am made to realize dat nv biscuit am to be mixed wid alum, cream tartar, chalk, clay, and de land only knows how much bran-mash, beeswax an Lemonade left ober from de las pic- nic. Dey adulterate my sugar, my tea. my coffee, my beer dat keep in case of sickness, an when I carried home de las codfish foun' whar' dey had tried to adulterate him wid scrap-iron. As to de remedy, it seems to me dat if we would all agree to lib fur six months on co'n-meal an bacon, it would stop dis wickedness, but I should want to see de hogs killed an de con husked wid nv own eyes,"
 THE FEE QUESTION.
 Judge Oadaver secured the floor to offer resolution that all members of the Lime-Kiln Club employed about hotels and on steamboats and on rail. road trains be instructed to positively refuse any fees for doing what they were hired to do.
 The motion was supported by Givea. dam Jones and three other members in unison, and the resolution was objected to by Samuel Shin, Waydown Bebee and Wheelright Perkins. After the club had wrangled over the question for five minutes the President wrapped for silence and observed:
 "I reckon kin settle de matter to de satisfackshun of all concerned. Whar' 8 member of dis club am hired to wait on de public, he mus do his dooty wid hmberness an dispatch. No extra charge must be made fur labor, but if de victim desires to present him half a dollar fur de extra style flung on in cllmbin' three pair of stars wid a glass of water, dat's matter wid which we have muffin to do. If a hotel waiter answers call any time within an hour he am dooin' all dat kin reasonably be 'spected of him. If he puts hisself out to shorten de time by fifteen minutes, and de surprised guest hands him $1, dat money can be conscientiously re- ceived an kept down de boot leg till dar am an opportunity to visit a policy. shop an lose it."