The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1882-04-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES

CkEAM UT JUN EAOIAHANoLo
Above board Keeping house.
A relic OF barbar,sm-A shaver face.
Wssherwomsn's consolatiOn--Let US soap.
cool swindle-Collecting an ice bill twice
Worthless checks-Plsid trousers with the seat
torn out.
Snoring papers speak Of Eight weight
champion" The coal-desler probably.
"Was she white woman or q colored LADY,
ID one OF the new gags.
The French papers tell of an inebriate VINO re-
formed because he saw his mother'ih'ia"
double.
Jesse James was hanging picture when killed.
n IL should turn out 10 have been chromo'
ought q jury to convict his slayer!
A Boston paper Is "in favor OF women voting
IL they want to-" A Western paper would IKE
tn see the man who would make them vote II
they didn't want to.
No circus is complete without beautiful wo'
man. and Fogg, who is posted, says wherever
hesutifsl woman Is YOU may look out for circus
boston Transcript
That dreadfully mean Cleveland Press wants
Anna Dickinson to assume the part OF Little Eva
no play-we forget the exact name-wnth res
Dect 10 somebody's cabin. -Elmira free freSs.
News from the army: The Lieutenant was bad
" bitten about three inches from the end OF ms
yertebrae and twenty miles from Rio Grande,
where he was stationed. TEXAS SJtings.
Mr.. Ruskin is announced to deliver lecture
in London on 1.-The True Theory OF Races In
this country the true theory OF races IS have all
the money bet on one horse and then arrange
matters for that animal to lose.
Little deas have other feas
Upon their backs to bite 'em;
And these again have lesser fieas,
And so, dd fHfnifuna
Jones says they haven't any fire department.
in their town, but he feels certain from the ire
suency with which his step.ladder disappears
that there must be h0okin' ladder company
somewhere sbout.-R0me Sentinel.
The mesnest man on record sent through a
post Office presided over by woman postal
card on which was written: Dear Jack: Here
are the details OF that scandal" And then the
rest was in Greek.-Boston Post.
A man who detected piece OF bark in his sau.
sape visited the butcher shop to know what had
become OF the rest OF the dog. The butcher was
20 affected that he could give him only part OF
The tale.-C0urRr-SOtTHdf
The English language Is supposed TO consist
Of about Co. 600 distinct words. OF these, ordna.
~ people use from 500 to 5000, great orators per
haps as many as III, 900, and lightning rod agents
and directory oanvassers 80 B3-NiddIetotc |
Transcript.
A correspondent Of an agricultural monthly
asks: "Why does Timothy run out"' We nave
not had time to read the editors reply, but II
Timothy is at a theatrical performance the an
swer may be readily surmised.
A beyy Of girls and their beaux,
But whom we will not disclose,
Asked little chap-not stupid,
What he knew about Cupid;
And they could have died
As he thus replied:
Hes baby wIsout any close"
-Wheeling Journal.
The young man who stores his mind with old
proverbs must become wise. For instance he
will learn that IAN empty bag cannot stand up.
right" No one ever thought or believed 1t
could, or ever wanted to; but Ii Is we'll to know
such thlngs.-N. o. Picayune.
shipherd would die before he would give Sena.
TOR Blair away. Wherefore, he alluded to him
only as "a certain senator from Plymouth, New
Hampshire" This thoughtfulness on the part
Of Old Guano is very touching There certainly
is honor among--that Is, there IS honor among
that sort of feilows.--Ch. Times.
"a Brooklyn man has been sent to jail for
kissing his girl good night" This should teach
Brooklyn young men a lesson. They will prob
ably hereafter initiate the example Of young men
in other cites-i. e.. remain a couple OF hours
longer and kiss her good morning -Norristo,cn
Herald.