The Opelousas courier., 1882-06-17
A Railroad Pass.
AMoDEL APPLICATION FROM THE RU-
RAJ EDITOR.

AMoDEL APPLICATION RON THE RU-
RAJ EDITOR.
The philanthropic editor of the
Boomerang, Bill Nye, is now preparing
a letter writer which, he evidently
means, shall be of practical benefit to
his journalistic brethren. He says :
Our first letter will be in the form that
should be used in addressing a soulless
corporation relative to a pass:
OFFICE OF FREEMAN's BUGLE HORN,
Wahoo, Neb., Feb. %, 1882. :
To Hon. j. @. Gall, general passen-
ger and ticket agent, J.. l. NJ. C. R. O.
w. R. r., Chicago, ILL.,: l have ad-
dressed you at this moment for the
purpose of ascertaining your mental
convictions relative to an annual pass
over yeur veluptusus line. 1t will
occur to you instantly that, with the
enormous power in my hands, some
| thing should be done at nee to muzzle
and subsidize me. The Bugle Horn
stands upon the pinnacle of pure and
u~ntarnished independence. Her clar-
ion notes are ever heard above the din
of war and in favor of the poor, the
downtrodden and oppressed. Still it
is my sole duty to foster aud enceur-
age a few poor and deserving monopo.
lies. Ihave already taken your road
and, SO to speak, placed it upon its
feet. Time and again | have closed
nv eyes to unpleasant facts relative to
your line, because I did not wish to
crush a yeung and growing industry
Last fall you had a washout dewn in
,Jimtown, which was criminally mex
cusable in its character, but | passed
silently over the occurrence in order
that o might redeem yourself. One
Of your conductors, an W grown
bald headed pelican from Laramie,
man Of no literary ability, and wht
could not write a poem to save hi
measly polluted soul from perdition
once started the train out at Wahot
when I was within u quarter OF
mile of the depot, andaleft me gazing
thoughtfully down the track with
$50 pound hand trunk to carry bacl
home with me. Another time, whel
my pass and pocket had expired a
absut the same moment, and | under
toek to travel on my yo%luptuous shape
n red headed conductor whose soul ha
never walked upon the sunlit hills o
potent genius, caught me by the bosom
of my pants and forcibly elected m
from the train while it was in motion
and with such vigor and enthusiasm
that I rolled down an embankment on
hundred feet with frightful rapidit
and loss of life. A large bottle of tan
sey and sweet spirit -prayel
which I had concealed about my pei
son to keep eff malaria and rattle
snakes, was frightfully crushed an
segregated. Besides all this my fee
ings were hurt and outraged, and $
! was the portico of my pantaloons.
hushed these matters up. kept tfeI
cut of the papers SO far as possible j
order that your soulless c~orporatio
might have a new lease of life. | no
ask you whether, in view of this, 70
will or will not stand in the pathwa
of your company's success? Will 20
refuse me q pass and call down upo
, yourself the avalanche of my burnin
wrath, or will you grant me an annua
and open up such an area of prospefit
: for the j. i. M. C. r. o. w. railroad
it never before knew? De you wal
I the aid and encouragement of II
Bngle Horn and success, or do ye
want its opposition and a pauper
grave beneath the blae-eyed Johnr
= iumpups in the valley? Should "
: ~inclose the pass, / would be very graf
E fpl to yen fer any little suggestion
Sduring the year as to what my fearle
o and outspeken opinion should be rel
q tive to your company. Hoping to he
Z from yen favorably in the contiguo
. ultimately. / beg leave to wish y
q a very pleasant bon g;gant. Very 81
cerely yours,
t. EPHRA1M BATES,
Moulder of Public Sentiment.
Is --A-
L. H. akrnrnla- Of LIZ ua Ave cn