The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1882-11-10
Class.Room Qulps.


identity. There is hardly hackman or
barkeeper in the country who can not
thoroughly appreciate it. and Jumbo,
were he privileged to frequent the class
rooms, would frisk and gambol under
the inspiration of it with solidly sympa-
thetic glee. What freight-handler of the
metropolis, for instance, ever made a
more striking retort than the Princetown
professor who remarked to the uproari-
>ous youth before him: Gentlemen, this
class would proceed better if there were
more use of the head and less of the
feet" At the same collegeelso this ad-
vice was officially given to those who were
appointed to speak upon the chapel
stage: "Take subject with which you
are perfectly familiar. 1, suggest that
some of you steer clear of moral and re-
ligious subjects" A student of Columbia,
belonging in West Virginia, was asked:
''What minerals have been found in that
State?" He replied: Cooper, platinum,
gold and lead" and was rewarded by
the PROFESSIONAL remark: "No, sir, no, sir,
not one of them; nothing but brass comes
from West Virginia" Likewise at Ra-
cine College, when student inquired,
''What is our age?" of professor who
had been saying, ''Among these we may
mention the wood, the stone and the iron
age" the speaker pleasantly continued:
Judging by the class now before me
one would say it was the age of brass. ;"
To this may be added another profess
serial retort: $50 you've forgotten that
fact, have you? Why, you're the only
man that ever knew it to forget"
Tissue, sir, is something which is ex-
ceedingly thin, was the definition which
a Junior of Bowdoin gave to his instruct
or. who retorted: 1.-The same might be
said of your answer" The question:
..What do you know about absolute
zero?" having brought no response, the
interrogation added, in whitening man
ner: 'You wou,dn't like to get one of
them on your score-book, would you?"
A professor at Brown, apparently aiming
to give a proper idea of etiquette to ''the
owner of pair of feet lying before his
DESK" asked: "Whose feet are these"
"Mine, SIR" responded student in the
rear of the room. ''Haul them home,
then," continued the modern Chester
field, and the feet We're accordingly
s'coiled around the adjacent benches"
A student of Wesleyan. impleading
ssick excuse" asked insinuatingly why
his colds always went to his head, and
was told: 'Itis a well-known principle,
sir, that cold is most likely to settle in
the weakest part" A student at Yale,
who answered the question, ''How is
power applied to this machine?" by
saying sit is turned by crank" was
orderedto '.just step forward and illus
trate." A student in biology at Mad
ison, having obeyed the request to sex
pose the brain of this frog and make
sketch of it," was rewarded by the COM
ment: "The only thing remarkable
about that drawing is the lack OF brains
exhibited" Elsewhere the metaphysical
question, sis life worth living, Profess
sor?" brought the response: ."That de-
ponds upon the liver A sophomore of
Williams who said: ''The army was
trawn up in the shape of plow," was
told, 80, no; rather in that of harrow.
You need little instruction in an agri-
cultural college," The next awful ex-
ample is derived from Wesleyan: Pro-
fessor-s'What do you know about
alteration of light" Student-'.I am
not sure 1 know that, but 1 think 1 have
4 faint idean ProfeSsor-''What do
YOU imagine it is?'' Student--''When
the light strikes the object-glass it
chances off," Professor-..What can
you tell about the moons parallax?"
Student-"If you mean about the mi
crometer and the heliometer, can tell
you about that" Professor-''YeS,a and
so you might tell me about political
economy. One would be as much to the
point as the other. The only connection
between the heliometer I'D the moons
parallax is that both are in astronomy.
That is sufficient"
Professional insolence of course always
has undergraduate impudence for an ac
compartment, and it is only fair to pre-
sent some recent specimens of the latter.
Here is ''scene in a recitation-room at
Columbia. Bell has just rung and the
class becomes impatient to leave. Pre-
lessor says: Now, gentlemen. have a
mortgage on you for few minutes yet.
Mr.. H. And, sir, YOU don't get much
interest from us either" Similar was
the case when the Professor, looking at
his watch, about the close of the recita-
ton hour, said: :" As we have a few min
utes left, 1 should like to have any one
ask question, if so disposed" Then
the bad boy of the class improved the oc-
casion by inquiring: IS What time is it,
please?" At Racine College, when
student of great impudence was talking
against time to conceal his ignorance of
the question. the irate instructor ex-
claimed: "Sit down. sir, you know
nothing whatever of the subject" The
student replied: "All right. If you
know more about this thing than l do,
Just show me where I'm wrong" With
this may be compared conversation at
Yale, which was begun by an instructor
who was examining some work on the
blackboard: II don't quite understand
your figures, Mr.. X" Every well. I'll
explain them to you after recitation"
Elsewhere, when student was explain
ing proposition, illustrated by a circle
he had drawn on the blackboard, there
was another similar interchange: Isn't
that reasoning erroneous" Perhaps
it is, Professor, it's reasoning in a cir
cle.'' To the question, ''.What makes
heap tides?' none save a western col
legian would have ventured the reply:
%, that's when the sun stops to spit on
his hands"
Various other phases of Undergraduate
impudence are represented by the fol-
lowing disconnected cases, the scene of
the first of which is Hobart College:
Professor in physics, addressing jun
ior very earnestly: - Now, Mr.. X. can
you assert positively that the sun will rise
tomorrow morning? You would reason