The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-01-25
HIS OWN sLANDERER.
Some Humor and Little Philosophy.

| they may strike instead q small deposit
OF homely philosophy that will do as
we'll
He was tall, thin, careworn stranger.
with scanty hair and the burrows Of
trouble and distress starting competing
branch roads from the corners Of his
eyes and mouth; and as he steppedfrom
i The cars at Marysyille he hurried up TO
the station-master and said, with fever
ism cagerness.
I'm coming to settle in this town. NV
name is Azariah Zolliconer, and love
dog fights.
"EhPn said the agent--"dog fancier,
Isp'osc?"
NO, no." rejoined the newcomer
impatiently; II don't make business
| Of It. mean that dog-dghtng is mere
~ my weakness my ruling vice don't
you see?" and inquiring the way to the
nearest hotel, the settler gathered up his
belongings and departed, after first per-
tinaciously introducing himself to the
ticket clerk and porter and informing
them each separately and confdentially
as to his dog-hghting predictions.
'Do you want one room, Mr. ZOllicOf-
fer, or a suite?" asked the hotel clerk,
as the newcomer wrote his name in big
letters, with "San Francisco, CAL as
his haiing place.
Il don't want either explained the
Notwithstanding wayfarer, anNiously.
"The fact is, I'm going TO stay with a
friend here till get started in business
but as this was sort of public place.
thought I'd just register, and state to
you that I'm terribly fond Of fighting
dogs -justgone on it, as itwerc; it is my
great falling"
What the devil do | care about your
failings?" growled the autocrat Of The
counter.
But the promoter Of canine warfare
had already buttonholed the cashier, the
barkeeper and the bell-boy, and was en-
gagged in disseminating further informa-
D ton as to bis unfortunate peculiarly TO
the loungers in the reading-room, when
the landlord suddenly collared him and
said,
Look a-here, mister! If You think
YOU can come around here with your
funny business and practical jokes,
you're off your nut. If you don't tell
me what you mean by all this CUFF about
dog fighting, I'll stand you on your
head.
ayes; what do you mean, you crazy
cuss?" growled the crowd, gathering
round.
"Gentlemen," said the man, looking
around him sadly, II am sorry to be
obliged TO explain, but see there is no
help for it. have been living in San
Francisco for the past two years
h well. what Of it?'
"The three years prior to that ] passed
in Sacramento; the four before that in
Chicago, still previous TO WHICH | had
resided in New Orleans st. Louis and
Cincinnati. From all OF the places
was driven by calumny and Islander"
What crime had you committedP'
"None-none whatever, gentlemen.
am neither better nor worse than the
rest of mankind But when a stranger
settles in a new place, everybody seems
TO be on the lookout to give him bad
character for something No matter
what his merits are, they amt happy
until they can find some one mean thing
TO say about him, and the first thing they
hit upon generally sticks"
Does, eh?, said the crowd, which
had been deeply interested,
Eyes, it does and the more you kick,
the tighter they fasen it on you, too. |
was run out OF New Orleans-lm a
dentist by profession because they said
had committed bigamy in Maine, never
"a, Mine n;th,r In, ~ ptiiS tbpu
swore had killed my grandmother in
early life; in Cincinnati, that | was a
free lover and.politician in Chicago,
that / gambled, and had served ten
years in Sing Sing for burglary; at Sac
ramento was combination OF Brig
ham Young and Don Juan; while down
at Frisco somebody discovered that |
was confidence man, and smoked OPT
nm"
"Very likely" said several Of the
listeners, with sigh very likely"
$50 after they had most starved me
out down at the bay" sighed the stran-
GER an idea struck me. | determined
10 make one more break somewhere
else, and to begin by starting my o'cn
SldtdeT."
"Your own"
Exactly. knew that just one mean
thing to couple with mans name was
about all most communities wanted; so
concluded to own up myself to some
thing that wasn't bad enough to hurt
my business, and yet enough for busy
bodies to work off their spite with. |
thereforeselcctcd dog-fghting, and start
ed for this town, How does Che scheme
strike youP
Some of the bystanders thought that
chicken-matching, pool or accordion
playing were preferable negative vices,
but the majority approved of the new
.comer's choice.
"And now, gentlemen" said the poor
fellow, sinking into seat, while the
tears stood in bis appealing eyes, 1.-THE
question is, whether you will aid me to
do business in your town on atooth-pul.
ling and dog-fghting basis, or whether
you will betray me- and have the loca
gossips rig me out as an escaped con
Wet, or a reformed Thug, before to-mor'
row evening"
And TO the credit of our inhuman ma
ture be II said that there was not DRY