The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1882-12-05
Finn Fact. and Fiction.

81 never think Of appearing on the
street. even i'm the daytime, without p,o-
tector.v said a mincing old maid rs she
fastened ON her chest. Rochester POST
Express.
The worst about kissing Pittsburgh
girl il that YOU carry the marks OF coal
dust about your nose ana Other ievtu' %
until you reach the nearest pump. b"''
fington Hdokeye.
burglar arrested I'm Cleveland tne
other night was very indignant. lie sara
he was only doing what the whole state OF
New York was doing spell ago" gong
for Observation-Disclosures SATURDAY
Night.
Mrs. Langtry il becoming rapidly Anne
ricanlzed. She has already canal-poa'
named after her. This would De nono.
enough for woman with any but the hios'
soaring ambition. - oloeH Citizen.
A Young man finds himself in perpleX-
ing situation when he IL unable TO dlstin-
gtIisb between the ten-cent cigar pur-
chased for his own enjoyment ana the TWO
for-iye intended for his prospective iather-
ia-law. -Ne,odrk cal.
An enterprlsing editor writes on "lio"
TO treat woman." The only safe way Ior
ones pocket-book il to never show them
bill OF fare. They have Il fondness Tor
large iigures.-Nep Haren Register.
Des Moines. Iowa. has pretty milliner
who has been the cause OF four divorces.
II she had any heart at all she would not so
rutblessly have broken of the tender rela-
tions OF husband and wife by her eXorbi-
tant charges for bonnets. Fashion Is al
times fiend.-LOtreH Citizen.
Araminta thinks seriously OF applying
for divorce. on the ground OF fraud. She
was induced to marry Frederick, she said,
principally because everybody said he was
Il rising Young man; but when it comes to
getting up to build the kitchen fire these
cold mornings he doesn't rise worth cent.
Hence Araminta's grievance Boston
Transcript.
4 lady stood patiently before the reeeiy-
ing teller's window in broadway Dahh
the other day, but no one took any n0tice
OF her TIL she attracted the attention OF the
by tapping with her parasol
ON the glass. "Why don't you pay atten-
ton to me-" she said, petulantly. Am
sorry. ma'am, but We don't pay anything
here. Next window. please" was the po-
lite response. Nelo York Commercial.
4 Gri,wold-strcet lawyer had caller
Yesterday, who stood in the door and
bluntly quericd. Lawyery' Yes
=. Good oneY' Every fair "Giye ad-
vce." Yes GLOW much?" Five
dollars" "Giyp YOU two" Cant do
II" "Thrce." "No." "Bye-byc." And
the brief and blunt man went down stairs
aud told The clcyator-bOy that he'd be
hanged il he paid any lawyer over three
dollars Tor advice a. how TO collect bet OF
four dollars won on 4 hot~e-race. DetrOt
Fire Press
Al THE -OrrCE.-YO Young gentleman
d" Two seats, II you please. They must be
next the aisle. as myself and friend are al
ways obliged to 20 out between acts for
and we do not wish to dis
turD others"
Tickct-seiler: II don't think we have
any end seats untaken but here are two
quite near the aisle. That is the best can
DO for YOU
Young gentleman VERY sorry, but
could not think OF allowing even one per-
son 10 rise three or four times during the
evening 10 let us pass out We wished
very much 20 sec th, play, but We must
iJregO the pleasure.
rickct-,eller: 1T l. very unfortunate.
1t would be- cruel to deprive YOU Of your
and ii You are 80 careful about
not disturbing the ladies and gentlemen
who do not require frequent refreshing. |
don't sec ~ | can lo anything Tor YOU Ut
present. The management. however,
think, OF supplying its patrons with re
frcShment~ i'm the theatre having il passed
around between acts. YOU know. The
matter is under consideration, bat Is not
vet perfected. When it is our patrons will
no longer hc put TO the trouble OF running
out 80 often. You think You will not take
these seatsl"
Young gentleman: "NO. thank YOU.
The people have rights which we are
bound to respect. Rather than annoy
others we will stay away from the theatre
aud pass the evening in the saloon. where
We can refresh without troubling any
body. e Boston Transcript.
Al o'clock Yesterday morning an old
woman sat in the Michigan Central sta
ton Wiping the tears from her eyes. Ii
was nobOdy'S business i'm particular to in
quirc whether she had fallen heir to mil
Hon dollars or was travelling through life
with broken heart, but one certain man
stepped forward after time and made
some inquiries. Then he passed around
among the crowd and said
"Gentlemen. here iSa poor old woman
who wants 20 get 10 Columbus 10 heI
friends. Let's take up collection"
la the course of four or five minutes
purse OF - was made up, but when he
had counted il the man SAID:
gentleman, let's chip in enough more
To buy her new dress. I'm q poor man,
but here's quarter for the old lady"
The purse was now increased to nearly
seven dollars, and the woman had lust
pocketed the money when a man stepped
forward and said TO the collector OF the
purse:
''Wby, Banks, is this you?"
"Oi course II is
And that woman is your own wife,"
"Well, Mr.. Knicktrbocker." replied the
man - he buttoned his coat, &" its mighty
mean man who wont chip in quarter to
buy his own wife dress and help her OF
Dn Il visit. - Detroit free Press.