The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1882-07-18
Spelling and Pronunciation.

c0fiiiiended 10 all who wish TO test
their ability In spelling and pronunci-
alton. II is the production OF a friend
o, ours. Some might think that he
was laboring under a spell, and pro.
noance, him insane, but we assure
them there is no ground for any such
suspicion:
ROLAND AND DIANA.
Roland and Diana were lovers.
Diana was epheneral but comely,
hypochondriacal but not lugubrious,
didactic but not dishonest, nor given
to ribald or truculent grimacos. Her
pedal cxtremities we're, perhaps, a
trifle too large for playing organ ped
ais successfully, but her heart was not
at all adamantine, and her address
was peremptory without being dif.
fuse. Roland, on the other hand,
was of a saturine countenance, al
once splcnetic and combaliye in dis
position, so that his wassails and
orgies were almost maniacal in their
effects. lie was telegraphcr by
prDfession, having received 4 diplo-
ina from Caisus College, but aggran-
dizod his stipend by dabbling in phil.
ology, orthoepy, and zoology during
his leisure hours, so that he was ac-
cussd of fetichism and regeneration
by his patrons. Still, his acumen and
prescicnce were such that only amis-
ogynist would discerrf that he was an
aspiranl fort the gall6ws. His acetic,
rather than his ascelic nature, natur-
ally inclined him to visit chemical
laboratory, well filled with apparatus,
TO which he had access, whence he
often returned with gobules of iodine
and albumen oil his caoulchouc shoes,
which subjected him to the risk OF
numerous alterations with his land
lady, virago and pythoness In one,
and with the servant, her accessory or
ally. Roland had, however, become
acclimated TO his Place, received
everything with equabilily, reclined
upon the divan where he contein-
plated the elysium where Diana
dwelt, and addressed dodative dis
tichs TO her in the subsidcnce Of rail.
lery. There was a certain diocesan
who endcsyored 10 dispossess lio-
land in the affections of Diana.
lie had sent Diana ring with onyx,
a chalcedopic variety of stone, and
once hung placard where he knew
slle would see 1t from her easement,
but she tcadfastly rejected his over.
lures aud ogled him as II he were 4
dromedary. The diocesan betook
himself to absolutory prayers, but
continued his digressions and inquir
les. Roland became cognizani oil ihi
amour, and, armed with a withe, ht
| cnvc'ghed against this "gay Lolha
rio," who defended himself with q
falcbion until Roland disarmed him
houghing his palfrey withal. Aflel
the joust, the prebcndary abjectly
apologized, albeit IN scarcely rcspi.
rablc condition, then fastened to the
pharmaccutic's @rie for copaibs
morphine and quinine, and was moi
seen again till tile next Michaelmss
Roland returned on Thanksgiving
Day, took an inventory ofhis posses
sions, which consisted ofa large pack
age of almond cement, package o
envelopes, dish oi anchovy sauce,
tame falcon, book of acoustics.
miniature ofa mirage, a treatise OF
The epizootic, a stomacher lined will
sarcenet, cerement Of sepulturc,
cadaver, and bomb. The next dal
the hymeneal rites were performed
and Diana became thenceforth hi
faithful co -adjutant and housewife
Educational Reporter.