New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1882-05-17
THE CLUB IDIOT.

Idocy is of such various degrees! And idiots
so infinitely varied And yet of all sorts of
idiocy and all kinds of idiots, we are disposed
10 think the blue ribt On-the very bluest kind
of a prize blue ribbon-should be bound. around
the sloping forehead of the Club Idiot, who
having either said something in his cups that
he ought to be ashamed of, sticks to it, or hay
ing brOwbeaten another man in his cups, brags
OF it, or having done either or both, makes
quarrel of it and imports the Club and the
public into it. 1t is usually the Club Idiot that,
late Mt night after a great many brandy-and-
sodas and when the conversation has become
high-flavored and "gamey," takes the oppor-
tunty to speak of the ladies of his acquaint-
ance in n manner which the average black
guard bred in the slums would condemn as
indecent. Ii is usually another Club Idiot OF
equal degree, though differing in direction by
about half a point, that takes him up-under
the influence of the same indefinite number Of
brandy and-sOdas-and, instead of letting it all
pass, as "a sensible man would as one OF the
inexplicable Yagaries Of drunken fool makes
a great fuss over it and denOunces Idiot No. One
as BLACK guard," which he is not for it is
only the brandy -and-soda that has kindled his
thin dull brain into an accidental imitation of
one. Idiot No. One of course never mentions
the occurrence afterward, as why should he
But Idiot No. Two, having once let his inanity
loose in making lady's name the football of
late -at-night brandy-and- soda discussion, in
stead of hushing it with a word as gentleman
would, remembers it next morning, and further
illustrates his regard for the lady's good name
by blabbing the whole affair and Dragging
of his part in it.
Were the matter to end here, Club Idiot
No. TwO-who, after denOuncing his com
panion as u "blackguard tor making a
lady the subject of such remark under such
circumstances, gives the matter wider publicity
by Dragging to his friends of the part he had
in it-might we'll demand the azure land
The idiocy of resenting the mention of lady's
name in a convivisl circle and publishing the fact
subsequently is quite monumental. But were
Club Idiot No. One, who, let us hope, hada sufli-
Gent glimmer of intelligence to desire to forget
his part in such transaction, to hear afterward
that his rival for the ribbon was going around
Boosting that he had.called him blackguard,"
and should thereupon, months after the occur
renee, write him formal note, reviving the
memory of his own shame, dragging lady's
name once more into a disgusting quarrel, and
with no apparent earthly purpose to be accom-
plished by it, depouncingst the second Idiot as a
"maicious liar" it, would come to be pretty
nearly an even thlngl between the two which
should wear the ribbon. 1t would be possible,
however, for Club Idiot No. Two to set all
doubt at rest and put his .right.tO the ribbon
beyond any question by printing and sending
to the members of his club circular detailing
the shameful circumstances, accompanied by
affidavits of witnesses and copies of the corre-
spOndence. Such performance, it seems to us,
would be con elusive with respectable members
of the club and friends of.the lady. The ribbon
would be awarded at once.
But stop: the possibilities are not exhausted.
1t might be-thOugh it is almost too great tax
upon human credulty-it might be that one of
them, perhaps both, would consent to have the
circumstances, the circular, the correspondence,
all published in the newspapers. If one should
do it that would settle the question; the
ribbon-and it should be of the widest measure
and the deepest blue-shOuld tlutter from his
narrow brow. Or if both consented-ah, there
we are again-bue. ribbons for both! blue
ribbons for both Divide the prize! Let the
two first premium Club Idiots go on exhibition