Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1882-11-30
JESTS OF THE HOUR.
They that are most CALLED with my folly
They rnnst must lanrh Ii YnaL Liz II.


Small boys are used as cigarette
holders.
Many statesmen look upon q morn
ing cocktail as a constitutional amend
ment.
Some men, otherwise steady-headed
can never keep their balance.in bank.
Anew color is called "Four o'clock"
IF dinner IS not ready it is shade
dark.
1t is the young girl of engaging man
ners who naturally becomes engaged
first.
When a man gets into stocks nova
days ne very like the culprit of old
times, and suffers in a corresponding
degree.
Proof: eyes, sir" he said, 'I'm a
democrat, and I've got the new hat to
prove it"
When luck knocks at the door, it
often finds the man inside to lazy to
lift the latch.
When Fogg heard that cigars were
largely made by machinery, he said he
had noticed stationary Injun in front
Of nearly all the cigar shops.
The reason that aesthetics Sc admire
the stork is that he can stand for hours
on one leg and look as though he didn't
know anything and didn't want to.
Said the rich and quiet-loving citi.
zen: eff man bores me and l don't
like him, and want him to keep away
from me, don't snub him. just
lend him s..
1t has been ungallantly said that the
telephone does what society rules have
always been unequal to-compels
women who use it to talk one at a time
A Cincinnati insurance agent was
shot at three times the other day with
out being HIT It is a business in which
al risks pan out profitable
The people of this country drink
sixteen million barrels of beer every
year, but you will find it hard work to
discover q man who thinks that he has
had his share.
No vehicle drawn by more than one
animal is allowed to cross this bridge
in opposite directions at the same
time, Is a notice posted on a bridge in
Providence.
An exchange contains an article on
''Young Women Who Die Early"
This frequently occurs; but the cases Of
old women who die early are very few
indeed.
Mistress and cook: Mistress to new
cook-"On Wednesdays and Saturdays
| shall go to market with you" New
cook-"Very well, mum; but who's
agoin' to carry the basket, mum?"
A boss COW: w. d. Banks, of Clay.
ton county, has the boss cow. He
says: "By dang it! man can pick
her up and tote her; then set her down
and milk her, and he can't tote the
milk.
Rsllying: Doctor (soto voce to his
colleague 1--WE must reduce the
fever and abate the thirst" Patient
(who had overheard eff you'll re-
duce the fever, gentlemen, I'll
undertake to abate the. thirst myself.
One-sided knowledge: One of the
boys, acquainted with Fogg's frequent
changes of abode, asked him which he
though was the cheaper, to move or
pay rent. 'I can't tel you, my dear
boy" replied Fogg; II have always
moved"
The baby's fall: "Look at your
shrieked Mrs. Ecomi, as the nurse let
the baby fall over the second-foor
balluster; "two inches nearer the wall
and that child would have smashed a
$50 statute and the hall lamp" And
then they picked up the baby.
An old farmer was in town last week
looking for an editors, table, on which
to build hens nest. He explained
that he had learned from the papers
that the biggest egg was always laid on
the editors table, and he wanted to as
certain whether the papers lied or not.
81 don't believe in this learning Ger
man, Spanish, French, or any foreign
language" said a Michigan man, the
other day. 81 lived among a lot of
Germans, and got along with them
just as well as if l had known their
language; but | didn't-not word of
it." CHOW did you contrive it"
why, you see, they understood NINE
AS they looked seaward: They had
met "by chance" on railroad train.
ooh, how [ wish [ knew you in the
summer, when / had my yacht" he
murmured, looking seaward. And the
I'LL bC&tS dG lis SLUG 1Gdlly 1Clb NuIlC
drawn toward him, little knowing that
he worked N Lynn drug store for 81
per week and that he still owed 8
quarter for the use Of row-boat at
Revere beach.
OyerWorked Americans: A travelled
stained tramp was seen sitting under
the protecting agis of q stone wall this
morning with q newspaper In his
hand. Eyes," he remarked, sadly,
Herbert is right; overwork is what's
raising the deuce with us Americans.
But as long as I live it shall be my en-
deavor to stand as living rebuke to
the spirit of unrest which animates so
many Of our people, and which is hid
ing SO many of our young and promis-
ing men in early graves"