Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1882-09-26


lawyers? Because thry know all about
The New York Court OF Appeals de-
cides that drunkenness is no excuse for
crime. A righteous decision. Il, -.7
Wicked Jimmy says that certain
Brooklyn Judge is so slow that he was re-
Gently run over ny three foueral process
ions on his way home. bob moo
lyon are A nuisance; III commit you. "
said an offended Judge 20 Il noisy person
in court You have no right TO commit a
nuisance" saii the offender.
" = George W ashington's will Is still pre-
served In the clerks Office in Fairfax coun-
" Vlrgloia, aud last week lawyer from
Chicago happened 10 see 1t, aud went right
out 10 coptes, II. f.-t...
An Iowa Judge refused a womsn n d.
,vorce which she wanted because her hus-
band kissed the pretty servant. He said
sh. ought Ia ne thank ful that her husband
had found a way TO keep n servant-girl.
Said the Texas sheriff. as he was about
10 spring the trap: "Kick and squirm ss
much as you can. There's about four
thousand people present aud we want EN-
10 have all the fun possible"
Young Lswycr-To speak OF the doz-
en- iurymen would not be disrespectfuL
hut be csr' fni of your pronunciation.
Don't say .-dnzln' iurymen." One of them
might be near enough awake to hear you.
1t has been decided by a judge that
o mans residence Is where he gets hts
washing done. Then some men W.
know OF apparently haven't any residence
a. ALL Rockiand Courier.
The court-"Prisoner think that on
the day in question you must have left
you: reason at the bottom OF your tum-
bier" Prisorer-''Oh, no, your Honor,
you must he mistaken. Catch me leaving
anything at the bottom OF my tumbler.''
A nice Judge, when asked why he had
allowed n totally unnecessary female wit
ness 10 take the stand and testify. said
81 knew that IL was not necessary, but l
saw that she had new bonnet and was
striving 10 show It,
The Star route people may or may not
he compelled 10 disgorge IN the govern
ment any OF the money received from sex
p-dited" mails; bat they have eleven law
yers to- pay, so the treasury Is likely to be
avenged, whatever happens.
Little girl OF eight: II heard them
say that after the divorce ma would marry
NJ. Ernest, that gentleman who always
gives me candy" Little boy Of ten, with
the gloomy cynicism OF his greater age:
"And he won't give Us candy, them"
A shark was recently caught on the
coast OF Southern California and upon be-
ing cut open thirty-one little sharks were
found. Old residents say they have seen
nothing like II slnce the last commence
ment at the law school. ....,...
After the ancient Connecticutters
passed law forbidding man TO kiss his
wife on the Sabbath day, there were wo-
man kissed hundred times before church
time, Sunday morning, who were not kiss
ed twice all the rest Of the week. 1t Is gen.
orally believed that women lobbied that
law through.
An Arkansas woman, who was fined
by 4 magistrate IS for using abusive Ian
guage TO q neighbor, had no money, but
the obliging justice took 2l steel traps in
full payne Mt OF due and costs, and the no
less obliging attorney who represented
her In the trial, took a spotted dog for
his fee.
A member OF parliament, in discussing
the question OF trial by jury In Ireland,
the other evening. became excited and sx-
claimed: "With trial by jury have lived,
aud, by the blessing Of God, with trial by
jury I will die" The roar OF laughter
which followed called the honorable gen.
tleman's attention to the error he bad
made. .....
Mr.. Lincoln used To tell In his inimit-
able way story OF Winchester converted
Confederate, who was so overjoyed at re-
ceiving Ills pardon that he exclaimed
Thank you. Mr.. President, thank you!
Now I'm pardoned, / spose I'm as good
q Union man as any OF you-emphatically
one of you again. But didn't Stonewall
Jackson give US hell in the valley?
The mayor OF Pittsburg had before
him Tuesday morning, the son of Rev.
Jasper Of Richmond famous for his oppo-
sitlon TO the teachings Of the astrono-
mers,) for disorderly conduct. The youth