The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-10-20
WHY WE LAUGH.
The eyes have it OptLalmia.--Lo,rell

The eyes have it ptLalmia.--Lo,ceil
Courier.
A good motto for an expressmau: "Haul
things to all men."--Boston Transcript.
No, Claribel, 1t Is not good form to point
at the clam fritters aud ask the waiter to
pass the liverpads.
They do say that the first question asked
by deacon visiting Egypt was: SNOW what
were the real facts of the Potiphar scan
dal?"
An improved order of Red Men are hold
ing . convention at Easton, Pa. That Is
the sort that appears to be needed down in
Acknowledgment Herald.
A hackman recently went into the surf
At Long Branch and encountered a shark.
Their eyes met for an instant, when the
shark blushed aud swan out.-Puck.
We are sorely puzzled by an Associated
Press report, which saws the country seat
Of an editor, near Long Branch, was rob-
bed on Sunday night. There Is something
about this we cannot understand.
A colored porter in an Austin store asked
the proprietor for days leave Of absence.
"Whst's up now" "Dar's niggah gwine
ter git married and oughter be present to
see him through" "Who is this colored
man at whose wedding you have to be pres
emit" "Ps de niggah, boss."--Tezds SDt-
ings.
"No, sir" said DR.. Jalap, 81 would not
have that apple tree cut down for money"
"But you never get any fruit from 1t, ar
gued Brown, "the boys steal all the apples
before they are half ripe" "That's just II" !"
replied the doctor with quiet smile; ''that
tree stands Inc in a good thousand every
year"
A handsome bas relief Maltese cross in
Eastwood from the Holy Land has been
erected over the grave of Brigham Young,
on which Is engraved with Ratchet these
words:
Pilgrim, shun an awful doom,
And do not monkey DER the Prophets tomb.
boomerang.
Curran, hearing that stingy and sloven-
ly barristsr had started for the continent
with a shirt and guinea, observed: "Heil
not change either till he comes back"
Somebody told Curran during his last ILL.,
ness that he seemed to cough with more
difficulty than he did on the previous day.
ado I?" said Curran, "thats odd enough.
I've been practicing all night"
allow Is your son, who went TO New
Mexico, coming on" asked Gilhooley of
Colonel Yerger, whose son left Austin q
year or two ago for that Territory. "Very
we'll, indeed" was the reply. "I suppose
he has helped to hang many desperado?'
"On the contrary, he Is the only man in
New Mexico who never has anything to do
with hanging criminals" allows thst?"
"Well, you see, he's q f."-Teras Sifs-
ings.
"What have you that's good?" said very
hungry traveller, as he seated himself at
table dhote at Salt Lake City hotel. ''Oh,"
said the waiter, "we've roast beet, roast pork,
roast mutton and broiled curlews." "What's
a curlew?" asked the traveller. "Why a bird
something like a snipe." "Could IL fly?"
ayes" "Did 1t have wings?" eyes" "Then
don't want any curlew. Anything that had
wings and could fly, aud didn't leave this
country, don't want for my dinner. ."-Hotei
Mail.
One good turn deserves another: "How do
you do, Miss Verplanck?" said young lady
caller on one of her society friends. II just
ran over this morning on particular church
business" ~ am so glad to see you," litter
ed Miss Verplanck: "What can it be of so
much Importance" swell, dear, it's this:
You know at the last Sunday School concert
| of your church we loaned you our first alto
singer and organist?" "Oh, yes" "Well,
| we are going TO have a church festival next
Tuesday night, and Rev. Penwiper suggested
that come over end borrow your oyster"
Chicago Cheek.
They had been engaged for fifteen years,
and she was now, as IL were, In the sere and
| yellow leaf. Darling" she said in gentlest
accents, tour betrothal has been very sweet,
has it not ?" at has, 1t has, indeed, my
own" "But it has been very long, don't you
think P" she asked ayes, 1t has been pret.
ty middlin' long," he rejoined. 81 was
thinking, dearest" }" she continued, 'that our
betrothal Is nearly old enough now to 90
out and work for its living. Couldn't we
have 1t learn trade or put 1t out at interest,
or do something with it, so that we might
realize omit. It has been about home so
long, burning gas and coal, and now is near
ly full grown. 1t seems like q shame to
have IL loadng around any longer" "But
my love-" "And just think" she inter
rupted, ain six years 1t will have . vote.
don't care so much about 1t myself, but ps
and ioa and the rest of them are kicking
like steer. What would you suggest p
IL am sure ! don't know, my pet," he re
piled, helplessly. "What do you think p
ave might get married." "That's so,
never thought of that" They will be mar
ried next Thanksgiving.-Cincinnati Satur
day Night.