Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1882-06-06
A Portentous Discovery,

Inc way OF the temperance rciormcr is
set with thorns. Now comes the appollinn
tidln@s from across the seas that an Italian
HAS discovered Il method of reducing wine
10 Il solid extract. and that French chem.
lst can transform brandy into Il crystalline
state IN which it resembles harmless alum.
Inc widespread and disastrous conscul,en-
ccS of this discovery will at once bc evident
10 every advocate of total abstinence. OF
what avail will it he to take away screens
and glazed doors from bar rooms when y
man can carry his matutinal cocktail snurlv
concealed III his waistcolt pocket. TO the
great army OF non-;lhstaincrs this invention
OF the adversary offers both secrecy and
convenience i'll gratifying their perverted
tastes The results may be easily seen by
tracing the career OF the average citizen.
ne fiSr' Ill the morning and feels ii incum-
DCill upon INN to avert malaria BY taking
what has been appropriately termed an
eye opener But the production of IL
DlacK bottle and the spurious aroma that
follow It's uncorking never fail to attract the
interested attention of the wife of the citi-
%chS bosom and to induce an energetic re-
inoiStrlnre. Sometimes this has been said
To nave awaited in turning the besottctl
man from the error of his ways. But see
thc cllcrl of this discovery. In place of II
hotlle, ne takes one 2r two Jumps of an inno-
cchl-lnoEin% substance and slides them into
his mo'ch, .mumhlng something about
cough candy. When he goes downtown
MS l'orKrl Will contain 4 parcel of Soldilicd
nraHay 1t Will certainly excite no scandal
Tor nm to take piece of Cough candy" in
the ear: so that by the time his place of bus
mess Is reached: he will have arrived at Il
c"'iulli"h utterly tnhrftting the time of ,lay
or The reputation of Il discreet citizen. And
on the other hand, the wife mt home may he
moved by feminine curiosity to sample the
cough candy" with consequences too ds,s-
trollS to contemplate.
The aspect Of the bar-rooms will be
changed. In place of rows of gittcrin~ bot
ties, there will bc jars filled with Il substance
resembling raspberry jam but labclcl''port. =
claret and "shcrry,H and boxes containing
Jumps of cognac. lozcngcs of "old rye" and
sticks of bourbon. Men can offer and ac-
ccpl drinks in the street with the greatest
ease and without exciting the slightest sus-
pcion. In face, it will probably be quite ms
correctto oilcr Il friend a box ofbranllv pills
rs 4; cigar. Another feature of melancholy
interst is that men Of dubious propcnsities
who arc induced by their wives to attend
church will not he thereby restrained from
gratifying their pr0clivities. but will be
able TO endure the longest sermon stimu-
lated into state OF cXhilaration by the aid
OF brandy ozenges. Further. this invention
may be corsdcrcda direct blow at the minis
try. "Clcrgyman's sore throat" isu disorder
well known to ministers whose congregations
can afford to send them to Europe. As Il
remedy for the afliction lis not unusual for
the clergyman to take into the pulpit Il box
of troches or roll of lozengcs Now SUBJ
pose that some msodly visitor has left a box
ofcrystallizcd brandy lying on the study Ia
bic. The time for service is ut hand. and in
his haste the clergyman snachcs up the box
of brandy in place of the trochcs. and be-
takes him to his pulpit. His voice grows
slightly husky and he takes troche, which
he remarks is Of Il novel and not altogether
unpleasant flavor. Ue feels an added buoy
ancy ofsprits and makes Il mental memo
randun to order more troches of the same
kind. The huskiness returns, and he has re-
course again and again TO his misleading box.
His spirits rise to unknown heights, his gcs-
lures become vehement. his congregation is
walked into bcwildcrment at his manner.
and-but we draw the veil
This is only one of the many evil possibil-
tiles Of this discovery in the wicked land
of France.