Smyrna times., 1882-01-11
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EyENING NEWS.

The ear Is 50 afraid of dynamite that
he dare not crack his breakfast eggs.
The question of the day is he sane?"
The answer IS; He's sayin' a great deal
too much
The popular lecture may be fond Of
hand applause, but he always looks out
for the Etamps
Mean Man--The simplest way to spite
your neighbor would be to drown v0ur-
self in his we'll
Thomas Parr OF England was married
at the age of l20. There is some chance
for 5, j. Tildcn yet.
Guiteau's punishment has begun at last
He is not allowed roast turkey more than
three times week
Oscar Wilde is az tall as a Kentuckian.
but the report that he looks like !, free,
lunch tiend is denied
y great many are deaf in one ear, but
you do not discover which ear until YOU
try TO borrow money.
People who wear tight fitting overshoes
need not be told that rainy weather always
makes the corn grow
farIor chairs are made to look at, draw
ing-roOm chairs to sit on and bedroom
chairs to bump against.
Guiteau says he is high-toned gent.
and the Boston Herald suggests that he
may also be high strung
A thing which is sold for song is
not necessarily cheap. PATHS songs are
worth about $1,000 apiece
There is Just cow a fashionable craze
for "old pewter" that being about all
there is left in the junk shops
1t has got so now that the daily paper
is gradually usurping the place Of the
sewing circle as a dissemination of news.
Dramatic genius and beauty must have
some close connection for only the pretty
actresses ever get credit for much talant.
Frightened mouse" is the very newest
fashionable shade of color. Frightened
young lady will probably be the next
freak.
Gladstone says the fear of becoming
Ridiculous is the best guide in life Ladies
who follow the fashion are without a
guide
Tho Unloved Wife," is the title of &
new story. We have not read it, but aus
pect that the misguided woman never
learned how to cook.
1t is said that fashionable woman de-
votes three months in a year to dressing.
If that is all, she dresses pretty quickly.
all things considered.
A New York policeman has Just died
worth 100000, saved out Of a salary of
81, 900 year. Industry and economy
will accomplish wonders.
As January is the time for paying all
the forgotten bills of the year before, it is
not strange that February should be the
shortest month in the year.
Speaking of swearing off on New Years
day the Boston Herald improves Tenny-
SON and sings: "'Tis better to resolve and
fall than never to resolve at all"
Preachers who denounce threater going
don't know anything about it, What
harm can there be in gazing for q few
hours at the back of q Gainsborough hat.
Remember, it is fashions infamy to
wear 'swollow tail' before p. NJ
Hartford Post. Aud fashions tyranny to
be obliged to wear such monkeyish
garment at any time.
Tennyson never goes to parties. lie
can't see any fun in standing around for
three hours talking about nothing and
then acting as an escort and waiter for
some ancient maiden when refreshments
are to be served,
Miss Vanderbilt's wedding dress had
tram llS lnches-nearly 10 feet-long.
No wedding can eclipse hers in magnifi-
cence unless some bride is willing TO have
horse and dray follow her up the aisle
with longer train ON board.
According to the New York Star two
summer marriages end in divorce to one
winter marriage" This il no doubt true.
Nothing will cement two loving hearts
more firmly than the Thermometer below
aero and no stove in the room.
In Ireland the 20" prefixed to name
is contraction of "ogha," and MEANS
"grandehild Of" Had this custom b. en-
adopted in Philadelphia it would have
saved good deal of time wasted i'll asking
WHO was your grandfatherW
When a young lady has eleven ostrich
feathers on her hat, she can plume herself
upon being in the height of fashion. But
such hats are so costly that both husbands
and feathers are ''down" on them,--Nors
| Tistoqcn Herald,