Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1882-11-29
WIT AND EUMCR.


No one ever saw a street-car so
jammed full OF men that good-looking
woman would not wait FIVE minutes for
that particular vehicle.
An exchange says that our navy Is
still in its Infancy, which would justify
the assertion that the vessels are seldom
seen out OF their slips.
Preacher CARRYING drenchct) --"What
shall lido, Mrs. McGregor! am wet
through and through." Old Scotch
woman--'Get into the pulpit rs sumo rs
ye can. Yen be dry emo there"
A new novel is announced. s'The
Coioners Cross" What the mischiefis
the Colonel cross about? Have the s,-
looD-k'cpcrs combined to deny him
credit 7eras syisngs.
The London Times SAYS sit is pleas
ing to note that the average expenditure
for strong drink of every man, woman
and child in England has fallen from $40
in 1915 to SIG in 1881"
A marked difference between the
Egyp, Of Joscph's day and the Egyp, If
Arab Boy is that. whereas in the old
Time there was no corn in the land it is
now absolutely full of kernels.
Gen. Sherman saws he eats bean soup
every day when at home. if he can get
it. The general is supposed To be
smoothing the way for 4 statue of him
sci: in Boston.
A mineral spring, the water of which
is a good ink, has been found near Ken
esaW Mountains. North Carolina. De-
signed for the black population, proba-
bly,.
Yes" said Fogg, II used to believe
every thing; was the most credulous
fellow alive. But" he added, "since
have had this contounded sore threat it
is bard for me to swallow any thing"
Fond wife-"IIow strange! Every
time Peter comes home from his lodge
he comes to bed with his hat on. But l
suppose it is some more OF those Ma
sonic doings."
A Retort Courteous parlor
maid:--''lIer letter. ma'am. ii YOU
please New mistress: pray. Mary,
are YOU not accustomed to see letters
handed on trayp' "Yes, ma'am But
| didn't know YOU was"
Found His Mistake. = women are SO
contrary" said Blobbs. II thought
when got married my wife would darn
my socks and let me alone; instead Of
that she lets my socks alone and darns
me-"
Mrs. Langtry is said to be very busily
preparing for her American tour. This.
we presume, means that she is getting
together y lot of new clothes and amass-
ing trunkful of her photographs to be
sold for two bits each.
German who had been Lutheran,
and been sprinkIed in his infancy. was
asked, wncn he wished to join the Bap-
list church., if he had rot been baptized.
His answer was, "Veli, now, shust u
lced'e'
Doctor" says tie patient, meeting
him on the street, 81 want you to tell
me what is the matter with me. When
wake up in the morning feel dull
stupid as an IDIOT" .IIumph! And
how did you feel when you went to bed
the night before, ehs'
"But you know. pa" said the farm
er's daughter, when he spoke to her
about the addresses Of II neighbours son,
'ihat ma wants ME to marry a man Of
| culture $50 do ], my dear, so do /,
and there is no better culture ia the
country than agriculture
We have great sympathy for the
bachelor. who. when dying. left all his
| property to three ladies who had refused
| all his offers of marriage. "Not ody can
| tell" he whispered, chow much those
| ladies' have contributed to my happi-
I ness"
1.-The Illuminated buoy isa wonderful
| invention read old Mrs. Pinaphor in
| her daily paper. ..Well." she observed,
IL should think he WAS. And it is an
! excellent idea. too. for if the boy is il.
| Illuminated his mother will have less
trouble finding BIN after dark y
New England superstitions.
| Suner>iiiions die slowly. and ev- n af-
| ter they have lost all real vitality they
| lin~er like haunting-sliades around the
| scenes OF their former activities. Go in
| to the distant hamiets and by-plaees
among the hills. and you will still lind
| people who quote, even If they do not
really credit, such omens rs these:
Nhile speeks on the nails are luck.
Nhasoeser reads epitaphs loses his
| memory. T0rock the cradle when emp
| IN is injurious TO the child. To eat
| while "A bell is toliing for a funeral
| causes touihac!,e. The growing of a
| hen indicates some approaching disas-
ter. Vixen mouse gnaws Il gown
some misfortune may be unprecedented.
He who has teeth wife as,ln,l,r must
seek his fortune in some distant land
/ IL q Child less than twelve months Old
/ bc brought i:ito = cellar he becomes
fearful for lie. Wnen children pay
soldier ON the hillside II forcbodcs the
| approach OF war. A child grows prnnd
| ii suffered to look into y mirror While
less ihsn IL months old. lii. who pro-
poses moving into new house must
send in beforehand bread and a new
broom. Whoever sneezcs ut an early
hour either hears some news or receives
/ some presents the same siay. Ihe frs,
tooth est By the child should lie swal.
lowed BY the mother TO insure new
| growth 81 teeth. Eutton;ng tie coat
awry. or drawing on stockings inside
OIL. causes matters To 20 wrong during
the day. BY bending the head to tie
hollow Of tile arm, the initial letter ii
the name Of one : future Spouse Is rep
resented, When women ARE sln!iing
beds the men sheulsi not remain ii the
house, otherwise the feathers will come
through tho ticks. When stranger en-
tiers non ise should - bbliged % sUAl
hilnscif. n only for : naonarRt. ~ N
csbefsxl sasts asay IN ciltl
el1i lt a d1g ocrNfe 7 1
i! IN n I'M r. + r.!