davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

He had always told her that levity
was not becoming, especially in girl
about to enter upon the sacred duties
of wife. She had promised to re-
form, and the wedding came off at
last. When the officiating clergyman
in the course of the ceremony, turned
to repeat the words, with all my
worldly goods l thee endow," the
bride ducked her head against the
altar railing and just snorted with
merriment. The groom was deck
hand in q Myrtle avenue thread and
needle store.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

An eloquent preacher was discours-
ing in tent. His discourse was so
extremely pathetic that the audience,
with the exception of single person,
was moved to tears. The stolid in
dividual, on being asked how he could
listen to the discourse unmoved, made
answer: "Oh, I dinna belong to this
parish. h.=Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Two ladies exchanging notes on the
method in which they spend the
the day: "You see, / always get up
at ten and ring for my maid and get
dressed" Chow long does that take p
"Oh, ever so long. You see, the girl
takes full hour to do my hair" "a
full hour? Mercy What do you
do while she is fixing it?" II 20 out
in the garden and take my morning
walk. Paris Figaro.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

1t was French woman who ex-
claimed, holding up a glass of spark
ling fresh water: "Ah! if it were
only wicked to drink this, how nice it
would taste" An American woman
would have kept the thought to her.
self-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Ralph Waldo Emerson said THE
man who has thousand friends has
not friend to spare" But Ralph
never was newspaper man, supposed
to be absolutely staggering under
load Of circus tickets.-Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

An iron fence is being built along
the banks at Niagara Falls. This
will head off suicides, as no man with
tight trowsers or a woman with a
hoopskirt can climb the fence. e.-Bos-
ton Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A crusty old fellow once asked,
"What is the reason that gritiins,
dragons and devils are ladies' favor
ite subjects for embroidery designs p
"Ah, because they are continually
thinking of their husbands" was the
quick retort.-Quiz.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A fashion item says that drawers
are not gathered in at the knee for
summer wear" No, they are not.
They are gathered in at the twilight
hour, though, if you leave them on
the line long enough.-Boomerang.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Smith discovered, after marriage,
that his wife wrote poetry but he
couldn't do anything about it then.
He had taken her for better or for
verse.-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Bismark has presented to the bo-
tanical garden at Dusseldorf large
wolf given him by Russian prince.
Wolves, like bad cigars, are nice
things to give away.--Lowell Citizen.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

When you see a friend meandering
down the street with his watch in his
fob, and the gold buckle or handsome
seal dangling gracefully in the sun
light, it is not good form to tell him
that the end of his suspender is hang
ing below his vest. 1t has tendency
to ALLEVIATE his affection for you as it
were.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A passer-by gives two cents to a
beggar THANK you for your good
intention" said the beggar, "but no
longer accept cents. They did very
well when l began to beg, but now"
Paris wit.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Musical maiden at piano.-"I hope
/ am not boring you playing SO much y
Enamorcd youth.-"Oh, no Pray
go on. I'D 80 much sooner hear
you play than talk. London Punch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Boston is to have a conservatory of
music costing 100000. That's a
good deal of money to waste on a
class of people who invariably sing
through their noses.-Cheek.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A large nose is a sign of character.
IF it has turkey-red finish or big
knob on one end, it is a sign that the
character has gone on protracted
cation.-Lockport Union.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

1t is stated that Levy, the cornetist,
gets more salary than an editor. He
does, and it isn't fair. We know lots
of editors who are bigger blowers than
Levy.-Lynn Bee.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

"Yonder go the most disobliging
couple in our neighborhood." "You
surprise me; please explain ?" "Oh,
they always close the windows when
they have q row."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

When father chastises his unruly
son with stout switch, he thinks he
has done smart thing. (P. S.-The
boy, as he rubs the aore place, thinks
so, too. THE Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Preparing for the future state :
"Ah, my friend" said clergyman to
parishoner who was the husband of
a termagant, and who had made ap-
plication for a divorce, I'VE should be
yielding and forgiving. There are no
divorces in heaven" That's the rea-
son." said the sufferer, "why 1 am so
anxious to get divorce here. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

you've made fool of me-" said
an irritated man to his wife. "My
love-" she sweetly responded, "you
do yourself an injustice; remember
that you are in all respects selfmade
man" n."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

That Egyptian rioter who fought a
man in dark room for two hours,
must have been awful mad when he
got outside and found it was mum.
my.-Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A city paper, in announcing re-
cent marriage, heads it: AT the end
of his troubles" The paper, how
ever, neglects to state at which end
Marathon independent.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Mother, what have people got
noses for?" asked all Austin child of
her mother, who has seen better days.
ITO turn up at poor folks, my child"
Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

james Russell Lowell hates auto
graph hunters. Of course, he always
has such an l. Of a time when he
writes his name.-Burlington Hawk
avo
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Don't throw away your old -four
barrels. They are useful. 1t has al
ways been found that an ordinary
-four barrel will hold 67S,900 silver
,lollars.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Samson wasn't the only man who
could take up residence. Almost
anybody can do that; but for real
strength ask man to lift up a mort.
gage.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A sermon on the vanities Of this
life is weakened by the time it travels
over large congregation of beauti-
full bonnets.-New Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

From the manner of their playing,
one would say that most of the pick
ed baseball mines were picked before
they were ripe.-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A Georgia planter says a negro
can do more work with two mules
than three. Of course he has one
less mule to fght.-Boston Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
TEAS.
COFFEEs.

Arbuckle Roasted, fresh ground, 20c
Roasted Java, fresh ground, 30c
Green Rio, 15c, 18c, zoe
Green Java, choice, 25c, best, 30c
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Does the world miss anyone?' you
ask, Julia. No, it doesn't miss any
nne, unless he takes somebody's money
along with him. Lowell Citizen.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
Canada Southern Railway,

Canada.
The popular route 10 Buffalo, Niagara Falls, New
York Boston, and all points east steel rail, smooth
track no curves, low grade, Westingh ouse Air
Brake and superior equipment, making II the ia
vorite line from Michigan TO the east. Trains
leave Detroit as follows:
Atlantic Express, daily, 400 m
Day Express, daily, 1900
Lightning Exp, daily, except Sunday, lilo m
Toledo Exp, daily, except Sunday, f;50 IN
st. Louis Exp, daily, a;l0 p IN
Fayette Exp, daily, except Sunday, $50 D IN
Cincinnati EXP, daily, except sunday, $3.50 p m
Wagner Palace Cars on all trains. Agents
will telegraph for berths ETC. Tickets and ali in
formation furnished by
A. +. FLETCHER, Agent, Apcna.
w. L MUIR, NJ. G. ROACH.
Gen. Manager. Pass Agent, Detroit.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
Advertising Rates.

Business Cards. year, dollar for every line.
Local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion,
and all notices continued for three months longer
discount OF rs per cent.
Advertisements sunsccompanied BY verbal or written
directions will be published three months.
Advertisements, under contract. ordered out 10
fire expiration Of time. will be charged full rates
No paper discontinued until all arrearsges are paid
except at the option Of the publishes.
Transient advertisements must be paid In advance
kF-rerms CASH, payable quarterly.
Only Metal Cuts inserted.
Prices and Terms alike to all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A receiving teller--the gossip
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Trouble which to-day looks as big
as a milestone, may ere to-morrow's
-undown shrink to the size of an ice
cream saucer.-Lowell Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
WIT AND HUM0R.

WIT AND HUMOR.
A receiving teller-the gossip
Free Press.
Regular army contractors--sanguin'
ary battles.-Free Press.
Fishing has been good this year,
but hook ares!-Free Press.
"Come right to the point!" as the
rod said to the lightning.-Free Press.
You can't electrify your barber by
telling him to Brush Light" Free
Press.
A mans appetite resembles rail
road pass. 1t is not transferable
Free Press.
The most voracious eater in the
world is a bird-it takes its food by
the peck.-Burlington Bruce.
The glazier is conscientious arti-
san-he always takes panes with his
work, but makes light of it neverthe-
less.-Free Press.
The trapeze performer is a high
minded man in more ways than one.
He is always above being in the ring.
Free Press.
Trouble which to-day looks as big
as a milestone, may ere to-morrow's
+undown shrink to the size of an ice
cream saucer.-Lowell Courier.
Does the world miss anyone?' you
ask, Julia. No, it doesn't miss any
one, unless he takes somebody's money
along with him.-Lowell Citizen.
A Georgia planter says a negro
can do more work with two mules
than three. Of course he has one
less mule to fght.-Boston Star.
-------
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

The trapeze performer is a high
minded man in more ways than one.
He is always above being in the ring.
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
Detroit & Bav City Railroad,
doISo NORTH.
GOING SOUTH.

Day and Evening Express daily, Sundays except
cd. Night Express daily, Sa turday's excepted.
H. B. LEDYARD, HENRY @. WENTWORTH,
Genn Manager, Gen1 Pass. & Ticket Agt.,
Detroit, Mich. Chicago, Ill.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Regular army contractors--sanguin-
ary battles.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Fishing has been good this year,
but hook cares Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
WI. p. MAIDEN, N. ID.

Physician, Surgeon, Gyn@cologist, Etc.,
Late Asst. Surgeon T.. s. Army; Examining Sur
geon for u. S. Pensioners and all the principal Life
Insurance Co.'S. Residence and office on Second
St., nearly opposite the Union House.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

Come right to the pointp as the
rod said to the lightning.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

You can't electrify your barber by
telling him to Brush Light. Free
Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

The glazier is conscientious arti-
san-he always takes panes with his
work, but makes light of it neverthe-
less.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
L. G. NEWTON, NJ. d.,

Physician and Surgeon Office over Myers Clothin
Store, where he can be found night and day. Spe
cial attention TO diseases of the eye.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

A mans appetite resembles rail-
road pass. 1t is not transferable
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05

The most voracious eater in the
world is bird-it takes its food by
the peck.-Burlington Bruce.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-07-05
STOP

EOnOGoLDi Special Notice. Beware Of
DOUUUCountorfeits and limitations. The
high reputation gained by Adamson's Botanic
Cough Balsam for the cure OF coughs, colds,
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07
HOW THEY PROPOSE TO DECEIVE.

Federal aid in the abolition of illit-
eracy is to be urged by some of the
southern members of the next con-
gress, and the Republican organs are
insisting that such a measure should
not be left for the consideration of
Democrats, while the revision of the
tariff as well, should be shaped by
Republicans. Such declarations show
the utter despair of these people. In
the one instance they are afraid the
proposed Democratic legislation
against illiteracy might rob them of
some strength in the south, while in
the other case they would deceive the
people by adopting measures of re-
duction in which the monopolists
would still have the advantage of a
tax against the masses for their spe-
cial enrichment. The purpose, as
shown by the presidents message, is
to make great ado about internal
taxation, reducing it, as he says,
some S55,O00OO0 ON whisky and
tobacco and such things, while
the farmer and the mechanic and
and the housekeeper, in fact all con-
sumers, would continue to pay enor-
nous taxes to home manufacturers,
that foreign manufacturers may be
allowed the privilege of not supplying
public wants at one-half or less what
they are required to pay to the protect
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07
MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS AND
THINGS.

Palmistry has become such a mania
among the colored people of North
Carolina that they can't keep their
hands off unguarded chickens and
hams.
There are 132 different kinds of re-
ligion in this world, and yet half the
population can't find one to suit.
Some folks are too particular for any
thing.
A Michigan man who refused to be
come candidate for constable, suffer-
ed a fatal stroke of apopleXy within
eighteen hours. 1t seems that politics
has become necessary to health.
The Zulus neither borrow nor lend
nor pay interest. The only thing a
man wants in that country is wife,
and he can always run one down in
the woods and at an hours notice.
Mr.. and Mrs. Joseph a. White, of
New Jersey, have been married and
divorced three times within ten years,
and they are now wondering if they
will ever be able to understand each
other.
1t is belieued that if such statistics
could be collected they would prove
that eight out of every ten Americans
have the ability to write poetry,
though only one out of $50 revenge
on the country in that manner
The supervising inspector general
of steamboats,, in his annual report for
the year ending June 30, 1882, says,
the total number of accidents to steam
vessels during the year, resulting in
loss of life, was Al, and the number of
lives lost was 205. This was out of a
total of 354,OOO,OO0 passengers carried.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07

ed monopolists. Remember that the
federal government receives no tax,
but that protection forces the tax
to be paid to the manufacturer on his
products. 1t is tax which amounts
to many billions of dollars, and by
calling attention to a reduction of a
few millions in internal revenues on
WHISTLES and tobaccos, ETC., they hope
to deceive the people. Let us suppose
that the fifty millions of people in the
United States use but twenty dollars
worth of wooden goods each, in one
year. Here are s1,OOO,OOOOOO paid
on this one account, of
which one-half is a tax for the ben
eft of the manufacturers, the govern
ment receiving not one dollar thereon.
And. yet, the president lays stress on
saving the people S55,0OO,OOO in inter
nal taxation, chiefly on WHISTLES and
tobacco. VIII the minority in this
congress allow such deception to go
unrebuked? Can it not even be pre-
vented?
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07
POLITICAL NOTES.

Senator Mitchell was credited with
having relaxed his zeal as a reformer,
but he rises to remark that the bosses
must take their hands from the throat
of the grand old party" or continue
to suffer defeat not only in his state
but in the country.
That eminent christian states
man," Schuyler Colfax, sagely OBJ
serves that the Republican party is
safer and wiser now than ever. 1t oc-
ours to the Philadelphia Press that by
fOrtuitOus circumstance, this is
partly true of Colfax himself.
The great principles of the Demo
cratic party. if there are any, need
codification," remarks Editor Hal
stead. The Hartford Times hits back
neatly by inviting Halstead's atten-
ton to the constitution of the United
States, where they have been pretty
well codified.
Ex-senator Chaffee charges Senator
Hill, of Colorado, with direct treach-
cry to the grand old party in that
state. AS he puts it, Hill backed
Grant, the Democratic candidate for
governor, with solid shekels, with
which he is well supplied. Hill could
not get his man, and would tolerate
no other
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07

not few Jews who possess the hand
soonest palaces in the finest streets of
the city, such as the magnificent resi-
dences of NJ. Malkiel and NJ. POLKA
koff in the Twerskaja street. On the
whole the Sardia contains only the
very poorest portion of the Jewish
colony as its permanent residents, and
the poverty and misery which prevail
there are almost indescribable. In
fact one wonders why these poor peo-
pie came to Moscow almost to starve.
To speak truly, the weather. portion
of the Jewish population of Moscow
are greatly to blame for the sad con-
ditiOn of their poorer brethren, as
they are almost totally Indifferent to
their unhappy fate.
The Jewish colony in the Saradie is
for the most part recruited by eX-sol-
diers, artisans, petty tradesmen, and
commission agents from the provinces
of Lithuania, Little Russia, Wolhynia,
Podnlia and Poland. The Jews from
| Courland and Livonia, of whom there
are large number in Moscow, are
much better off than the rest of their
co-religionists, and as they live in diff
ferent parts of the city, they have
nothing in common with the Saradie
and its inhabitants, whilst they keep
up a close intimacy with the large
number of cultured Jews.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07
The Anti-Jewish Movement in
Europe.
New Orleans Times-Democrat.

New Orleans T1mes-Democrat.I
Although we hear little of the anti
Jewish movement in Europe, it is by
no means dead /; indeed it has lately
spread into Austria, and the populace
of that empire is being worked up
and excited like the Russians and
Germans, against their Jewish fellow
citizens.
How utterly barbarOus and contrary
to all the principles of civilization and
Christianity is this movement, is well
shown in the demand recently made
by an anti-Semitic meeting in Vienna.
This body asked that the. Jewish
population of the empire be restricted
within certain boundaries, and resi-
lowed only upon special license and
the payment of a fee-no change of
residence except upon payment of a
certain tax; no Jew to own real pro-
perry, either in city or country; mar
rage to only be allowed by special Ii
cense; no Jew to have right to vote
or to enter any mechanical or artisan
vocation, or to hold any public Office;
all Jews to pay liberation tax, and
the number permitted to live in the
empire to be limited and fixed.
1t is remarkable that such PROPOSE
tions should be publicly advocated at
this day in the capital of the Aus
trian empire; and yet there are
many reasons to believe that
these doctrines find supporters and
advocates throughout the empire
Fortunately for Austria, however, the
emperor has taken very decided stand
in opposition to this anti-Jewish move
ment, and will not only see to it that
his Semitic subjects are not molested
and prosecuted, but has actually pro-
hibited the holding of meetings such
as this, aimed to stir up religious strife
and animosity, and has commissioned
the police to break them up. Such
energetic measures ON his part will
probably stem this movement in Aus
tria in its incipiency, and before it be
comes as troublesome and as dangerous
as in the dominions of the Gar and
the Kaiser.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07
Rescued from Death

1 was taken with bleeding of the lungs,
followed by a severe cough. lost my
appetite and flesh and was confined to my
bed. In 1877 [ was admitted to the hospi-
tai. The doctors said 1 had hole In my
lung as big as a half dollar. At one time
a report was around that was dead.
gave up hope, but friend told me of DR..
William HalPs Balsam for the Lungs. i
got abOttle, when to my surprise, L com.
menced to feel better, and to-day feel
better than for three years past.
III write this hoping every one afflicted
with diseased lungs will take DR.. Will
liam Halls Balsam, and be convinced
that consumption can be cured. I can
positively say it has done more good than
all the other medicines have taken since
my sickness.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07
Can Such Things Be?


That Gramercy Park nursery may
prove to be not so much of a myth
after all. An Albany dispatch an
nounces as an undoubted fact that a
young and lovely bride will preside
over the Tiiden mansion just as soon
as it is completed and ready for Occu-
pancy. Now let Grover Cleveland
and Benjamin Butler look sharp. The
sage of Gramercy is much-tOo fresh
and youthful to be left out of the
reckOnings anent the next Democratic
nomination for the presidency.
The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1882-12-07
No Executive Clemency,

The sympathies of Gov. Roberts
were appealed to yesterday in behalf of
Hanks, who is in Jail and under sem
tence to the penitentiary for land for
gerry. His case was appealed, it will
be remembered, and affirmed. He is
said to be over so years old, and rap
idly growing infirm, and on this ac-
count the governor was appealed to
by disinterested parties, one of them
a prominent minister of this city. The
governor said that while he felt
for the unfortunate man, still that
would not be a sufficient reason to
give the people, who have right to
demand a reason, why executive Gle
mency is extended to prisoner after
so many courts of justice have pro-
nounced his sentence just. The pri-
soner, undoubtedly, is on a rapid de-
cline; and, if infirmity is a just cause
for clemency, Hanks will most assur-
edly deserve such in short time.