The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1882-05-24
Lawson.

sWho is that sad-looking man whom
| saw sitting in the next room, as Ieame
throughpn said Mr.. Jones to the man.
aging editor
That? that is Lawson, our substitute
editors'
What is a-What are the functions
of that kind of an editor?'
s'Why, you know. we employ Lawson
to shoulder disagreeable consequences
of all kinds. When we go for anybody
until outraged nature can no longer
stand it, the injured man calls and we
show him in and let him kick Lawson"
But / don't exactly understand
howl
why, you see, the man comes here
and asks to see the managing editor.
The boy at the door knows, from the
fire in his eye, what he wants, and he
turns him into Lawson's room. There
is a brief scrimmage and about quar-
ter of an hour later Lawson saunters In
here with his handkerchief to his nose to
say that his salary really must be raised
He is very useful man By concen-
trating all the storms on him, the regu-
lar staff is allowed to have perfect peace
and security. He is cowhided once or
twice week, and knocked down even
oftener. We have the floor in there
padded on purpose to make it as COM
Portable as possible. He don't mind an
ordinary flogging so much, but the man
has a strange Discrimination to be shot
at; possibly because he has three bullets
in his legs and atwo-ounce slug eneysted
somewhere in his interior department.
'But Lawson don't mind his ordinary
duties as much as you would think. We
turn in all the bores upon him. He COM
mands large salary because he is deaf
as post, and a bore who would set me
crazy leaves him in condition of I'M
ruff1ed calmness. All the poets who
come here are sent to his room. One of
them'll sit there and read to Lawson a
poem in forty-two stanzas, and Lawson'H
sit there smiling blandly, just as if he
heard it all, and then he'll compliment
the writer and bow him and his manu-
script out with charming grace and ease.
He makes mistakes sometimes, to be
sure. The other day a man read him a
speech which the man wanted to pay for
inserting in the paper. Lawson thought
it was poem, and he told the man, in
the usual formula, that he was sorry our
advertising was pressing us so just now
that we couldn't oblige him, and the
man went up the street and published it
in the Herald A dead loss to us of
about forty dollars; but Lawson is too
valuable to be discharged for single
blunder like that.
''Whenever there's an excursion on a
dangerous part of a new railroad, or a
trial trip of steamboat that we are
doubtful about, we always send Lawson
to represent the staff. He has been
blown up twice on the river and has
been dropped eight times through a de-
fective trestle- bridge, besides participant
ing in couple of boiler explosions. We
could hardly run this office safely if we
didn't have Lawson"
''He struck me as looking rather low
spirited
$50 he is He has naturally a strong
constitution; but he is gradually break
ing down under the strain, am afraid,
and is going TO die early. It weighs on
his mind. He had terrific fight with
an indignant politician last summer just
after he had tested basket of rather
unripe cantaleupes, and / have noticed
that he has been gloomy ever since.'
just then the subdued noise of an al
tercation was heard in the adjoining
room; there was pistol shot and bull
let came whizzing through the partition,
passing close to Mr.. Jones's head.
whats that?n asked Jones.
Lawson having tussel with Nell
| vaine, the Democratic candidate for
Common Council. We cut McIlvaine
up in to-day's issue. l thought he d
call Boy!'' exclaimed the editor, run
for policeman!
Then the sounds died away and ten
minutes later, when Mr.. Jones went out,
he saw the policeman and two other
men carrying Lawson to the hospital on
4 stretcher, whereupon the managing
editor said:
Wen have to let up on McTlyaine
for d;y or two till Lawson has time to
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