davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24
FOR SALE AND RENT.
NJ. NJ. ROGERS.
Il. \. suTpuEN

j. j. sUTPHEN, II. NJ. ROGERS,
a. skuNpERs' kuiSh5SERs,'' WIN. TS1SEEffiEHY 5. KELfEY,
wM T. swEfsYs isfafssi Sso' s wM. M. srR.SaEsn~' -
EDISON BRos, BRRps"'' Neo' mALLEr KIGiSuRN, Ii S IN,
Ats. at Law. .Wash., DC. National Republican.
HALL & THOMAS, lSTILSON HuTCHINS,
Ats. at Law, Wash De- Washington Post.
sUTPHEN & ROGERS,
Zeal Estate and Rental Department,
STREET, 93o NORTHWEST.
MONEY TO LOAN ON REAL ESTATE.
BUSINESS PROMPTLY TRANSACTED.
FREE ADVERTISEMENT IN THE DAILY
PAPERS.
FOR SALE
Positively n Great Bargain to an Immediate Pnr-
chaser in Choice Building Lots and Fine Residence
with modern improvements.
uo,-srs WITH Fon EnnsAN sAEEn IMPROVEMENTS
No. lgl4 & isih & St; n: W., io,room House:
NO 1918 10Th 81 n. W., ii-room House, corner Cor
s-room House on T street, 5000.
7-room House ON street, $3.50.
New House and IL 900 feet for sale for $500.
Nos lleS iio5 iios iice ~ and illS ST. n'w nice
A nice Groom, two-story House, modern improve
ments, V St. bet. ilth and 18th, pressed brick
front, nice parking, vc., $1,000.
Nice eroom - Brick House, ON 9th ST., bet o and p
Nice s-stcry Brick House, rooms, modern inn
provements, with 2-story brick Stable, No.
15O llth 81. S. e.. price t3.JOU.
S2l 18th ST. House and Lot 29ss by 100 rect, at
5000; terms to suit.
Very fine Farm, about miles from city, under
good cultivation
A lso other farms and lands.
Six Beautiful Lots on NJ street, west of Connect
icut avenue, 21 feet each, at 65 cents.
Three Building Lots near Goth and Z sts n. W., at
as cents; 20xSi.
Also ten Beautiful Building Lots In Georgetown,
overlooking Washington city on street.
Very desirable building lots COMPRISING whole
front commanding beautiful view of the whole
city.
WANTED
Houses, Lots and Farms to sell.
SUTPHEN & ROGERS,
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24

BY a careful perusal of all the facts that
have been cooked from the tomb of silence,
through the Garfield Chase letter. through
the newspaper and other cheap histories Of
the war, THE CRITIC is now able to an.
nounce the exact reasons why the war was
prolonged. Some people are foolish enough
to imagine that Lee with his Con federate
armies had something to do with it; others
that blundering generals in the Union army
helped to do it, but these are great mis-
takes; it was because Of blunders COM
mitted by men who are dead and cannot
therefore defend their regulations. Lin
coin, Stanton, Chase, and some others who
are dead, were evidently in a conspiracy to
prolong the war or were too stupid to con-
duct it, These facts are logically to be ad.
duced from what number of the living
are saying.
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24
nANFonTm HAS MADE THOUSANDS

nANFoaTH HAS MADE THOUSANDS
IL of Homes pleasant with his Light and Stove.
Started hundreds on their way 10 fortune, selling
his goods LIGHTING and COOKING. No
chimney, wick, kindling, ashes, nor waste. Light
ed IN one minute; put out In one SECOND, small
10 900 per cent. profit ACTUAL NECESSITIES
Fourteen years success In every agency opened
Inventions perfected. Patents issued. Expert
ments finished. Manufacturing commenced and
sales daily increasing with Mr. DIS means, abil-
ity and advice 20 aid everyone who helps himself.
Willing 10 sell rights / prefer 70 sell goods az
close prices for cash; give control OF town, and
feel that have direct interest In every agency.
Danforth's specialtes leave no remnants. No de-
cay. Noshrinkage. Theoretically pushed, sue
cess sure. Gold dollars do not walk into ones
pocket. Work, that's the word" II my busi-
ness does not show success. don't invest.
Mr.. DanfOrth is at his desk from 10 to 3 p. nj
assures you Of courteous attention: Plain state
ments backed by sales, and good Will OF all who
purchase ! can use 100 good men, who have
from s20Oto 5000 IN cash to INVEST IN GOODS, to
take charge Of Branch Agencies In different
States. Come and see me, or send for clrcularu.
DANFOkTH. vi ID st. n. W., Daily Post Bailding
Washington. ID. @. ";
FAIRBKoTHER a. DAVIS,
1923 NEW YORK AVENUE.
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24

DURING the discussion of the Life-Sav-
ing bill in the Senate yesterday, Senator
Brown, Jo Brown, of Georgia, wanted the
ray of fkeepers of the stations placed at 5000
year instead of $500. This reused the ire
Of Mr.. Frye, of Maine, and he uttered a
timely and manly protest that Redeemed
the cheeks of Mr. Brown with shame, and
made many an overpaid and under*orked
clerk and door hangers ears tingle. Mr..
Frye said:
"Why, Mr.. President the Senate pays a man
for six months Of the year, and six hours a
day, TO sit on a cushioned chair, and once in n
while, when he can summon sufficient energy,
TO open door and shut 1t again, from 81 900
to 81 500, and now 1t is asked to pay men who
devote their whole time to the succor OF their
fellow men and who brave the terrible tenn
pests of our coasts the miserable plttance OF
$500. l sincerely trust Mr.. President, that
they may have 1t and nothing less.'
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24

n -sTRAYED OR srOLEN-A CAT,
IL black, with white feet and under part Of
neck. A liberal reward II returned TO i70i X St;
NV. mr22
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24

II. NJ. ROGERS,
RErERENcES
WM. ID. X ELbEY,
M. C., Pa.
.WNf. NJ. SPRING ER,
NJ. G., Ills.
HALLEr KILbBURN,
National Republican.
'S1iLSON HUTCHINS,
Washington Post.
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24
BUSINESS CHANCES.
LOST AND FOUND.

4 osT-LAsT NIGHT, MARCH as, Re
i tween the National Hotel and 1910 X ST, II,
W.. or possibly in Herdic, two small engraved
seals and watch hey on ring, Liberal reward
Will be paid II returned 10 clerks oflce, National
Hotel. mr2}-3t
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24

~ RFATEST VARIETY Best Assortment,
W Largest Stock and Lowest Prices offered in
any Fancy Goods store south Of New York, now
ready for Inspection, at
DAVIS
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24

Wholesale and Retail Dealer IN
PAINTS, OILS, WINDOW AND PLATE GLASS
LAMP GOODS, ETC. ARTIS1B' AND
WAX FLOWER MATERIAIS.
418 seventh 81. NJ w, opp. Odd Fei.oWn' HAll
tad Waahington D. q
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24

j. J. SUTPHEN,
REFERENCics:
A. SAUNDERS,
U. :. Senate. Ncb.
WM. Il. SWEESN,
Omaha, Neb.
EDSON BROS.
Ats. at Law. .Wash., /, DC
HALL & THOMAS,
Atts. at Law, Wash. DC
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24
FOR RENT-turD,c.

LNoR RENT-TwOPL OF SEVENTEEN
Il acres each at Falls Church. Va, one house
1i06 Pa. ave. mr22-6ts
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24
West End Advertisements.

R. ]. ASHBY'S ANTIQUARIAN BOOK STORE
I705 Penna. Ave, near Corcoran Art Gallery.
Books Old al Rare, In English, French and Ger
mau. CIRCULATING LIBRARY. sees
The Evening critic., 1882-03-24
FREE ADVERTISING.

Advertisements under the head of"Situdtions
Wanted" aud "Help Wanted" ciu hereafter
be inserted in THE EVENING CRrrrc three
times FREE. We iRrite our friends ,cistino
situations or help TO drdil Themselves Of this
offer. Answers directed in care of CRITIC
Office uiu receire careful attention. Business
advertisements three lines three times for 25 cts.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
CATCHING A CRAB.
A Young Lady Gets Even with Practical
Joker.
San francisco Post.

San Francisco Post.
They tell story Of a would-be funny
broker, who last season adopted a most
fendish method of getting even with one OF
the chronic fiIrts who are said to make the
piazzas here lively later in the season. He
obtained half dozen energetic crabs from
the fishing beach, and, watching for an op-
portunity when no one was in particular
tank except the inconsistent fair object Of
his vengeance, he dropped in the crustaceans
(way up term for crabs). The young lady
continued her natatorial exercises jam up
for paddling) few minutes longer, when
she suddenly uttered blood-curdling shrek,
and was helped up the ladder with crab
hanging Old TO her pink little toe. She had
several consecutive epileptic fits while the
marine corn doctor was being removed.
The Mephistophelean glee of the broker, how
ever, gave him away, and for fear of som Q
counter trick, he decided to bathe early in
the morning thereafter. A few days after
that the bath.house keeper was startled by
some terrific yells, and hastily entering the
tank house, he beheld the broker founder
ing out with big iagged-toothed spring rat
| trap clenched on his heel.
"Who the devil put this thing In the wa.
ter?" roared the broker.
81 did, sir" sweetly replied the grabbed
young lady of the aforementioned, stepping
out of bathroom. g put ii there to catci
those horrid crabs, you know" --
The broker went home on crutch.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11

Boston Journai.

Nearly every woman one meets I'm the
streets either has her mouth drawn In and
forcibly compressed, her upper teeth shut
down rigidly on her neither lip, or displays
some other sort of labial distortion, the other
parts Of the face, meanwhile, being Trinkled
and drawn, and the eyes fixed and staring.
In fact, person who has much leisure for
the pursuit Of such studies, says that for the
past three months he has not seen pretty
face on the streets, for all that benefcent
Providence might once have made
30 have lost their comelincss through
this outrageous fashion. The only explana-
tion of this practice seems TO be that II ID
somehow thought to give an intensely intel
lectual expression to the countenance. Phil
osophers and sages are often represented
with wrinkled brows and pursed up lips as
they pursue their arduous studies, and the
women OF Boston may be attempting to con-
vey the idea that when their faces are twitch-
Ing their brains are hard at work. But as
the mental energies Of many of them seems
10 be wholly employed ON the question
whether they will buy bead trimmings on
fringe, or put plumes on both aides Of their
summer hats instead Of one, frail man may
congratulate himself that they have not ye'
het.len themselves TO y slndy Of biology o.
the integral calculns
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
The Richest Man.


iodnu argus.
MIR. William III. Vanderbilt came up on
the 2:4O train from New York yesterday af-
ternoJn, and, after dining at the Union De-
pot restaurant, proceeded to Sharon Springs,
by way of CanaJoharie, to join his family.
Dressed In suit of black broad cloth that
hac seen considerable service, with frock
coat not of modern cut, astand-up collar and
black silk tie, large white high hat, half
covered with a mourning weed, shirt front
showing pearl buttons, and common gold
watch chain, to which an ordinary locket
was attached, comprising the only visible
jewelry, the man of $500, ,000, 900 stood by his
cars aud chatted with Superintendent Cham
berlain for a quarter of an hour, while the in
coming and outgoing passengers jostled
against him, not recognizing him. Some
idea of Mr.. vanderbilt's enormous wealth can
be formed from the following calculation n that
has been made: Estimating it at $500, ,000. 900,
to count 1t at the rate of s. each second and
ten hours day, ii would take eleven years,
15l days, FIVE hours and forty minutes.
In gold it would weigh ISL tons and 800
pounds, requiring train of seventy-nine
cars Of ten tons capacity to move 1t; in silver,
10,7i4 tons and 57l pounds, requiring 1,072
cars for It's transportation. In one dollar bills
lying lengthwise in continuous line, it
would reach 34,910 miles, 1872 rods and seven
feet, or entirely around the globe and along
its diameter. with 1919 miles I72 rods and
eleven feet to spare, or more than one-seventh
Of the distance from our planet to the moon.
If laid swidthwise" the one dollar bills
would reach Il, 900 miles, 15i rods and eight
feet; or from New York City to more than
thirty miles beyond Cheyenne, added to half
the circumference Of the globe. In one dol
lar bills 1t would spread . carpet 103 feet
and three inches wide and eighty-six miles
long, carriage drive four feet and eleven
inches wide aud over / ,s06 miles long; or a
comfortable promenade two feet and a half
wide and more than 3,6l3 miles In length. In
$50 gold pieces, lying side by side, 1t would
construct sidewalk fory-three inches wide,
but few inches short of ten miles long. In
silver dollars, lying contiguous, boulevard
100 feet wide and eight and seven-eighths
miles In length.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
OPENING WEEK AT A SUMMER RESORT

Yes, I've been here 1week. I've had just
one
Filtration, and already IL Is done.
The gentleman was Mr.. Harry May;
Who happened to arrive the self-same day.
We got acquainted, had quiet talk,
And in the evening to ok pleasant walk.
He came as an advance guard, SO to speak,
Said Mrs. May was cotning down next week
When he said that ! vowed my lady fine
Should find him kneellng ut another shrine.
Te flirt with single fellows is bore,
Unless they've other sweethearts to make
sore.
But when you chance to catch a married one
To fiirt is naughty. Then it's lots of fun,
Especially If you can make his wife
So jealous that she's very tired of life.
Well during this past week / played each
card
To capture him. ! never tried so hard
To make mash. And great was my success
He won't get over 1t for years, guess.
And was III the height of ecstacy
To think how angry Mrs. May would be.
Tonight she came, and 1 was all prepared
To show her she was hated. Somewhai
scared
At what might happen though | was, j own
let him meet her AT the stage alone.
And ID was after tea an hour or two
Before he took me to an interview.
/ never was so mad in all my life,
The lady was his mother, not his wife.
--. Boston Post.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
VOL. II, NO. 7.
POETRY.
DESERTED.

Bright sea, far-fiooding all the pebbled sand,
Flinging thy foamy pearls from stone to
stone;
Thy lullaby, lowmurmured to the strand.
Sounds like lovers tone;
And yet know, elsewhere,
Some other shore as fair.
Thy waves have kissed, and left 1t dry and
lone. -.-
Bright sunshine, cleaning on my cottage
wall,
Tracing the shadow of an ivy-spray,
How tenderly thy golden touches fall
On common things to-day
Yet, beneath other skies
Some land benighted lies.
Blithe bird, loud warbling underneath the
caves
An eager love song, passionate aud shrill,
My heart is trembling amid the summer
leaves
With sweet, responsive thrill;
Yet far away, dear guest,
There is an empty nest
Which thou hast left forsaken, void and still.
Fair sea, bright sunshine, bird of song di-
vine,
/ too may lose the tide, the light, the lay:
Others may win the kisses that were mine,
My night may be their day;
Yet, though the soul may sigh
For precious things gone by,
l shall have had my rapture, come what may!
From Good Words.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
THE YOUNGEST PENsroNER.
Lad of Fifteen Draws sis a Month from
the Treasury.
Philadelphia Chronicle.


The youngest pensioner on the pension
books throughout the United States who
draws monthly money for services rendered
by himself, Is James w. Craudell, aged fif-
teen years, who resides with his widowed
mother at 1901 Christian street. Like most
boys, Crandell had love for the briny deep,
aud Notwithstanding the advice and appeals
of his mother, he was determined to wear
the navy blue. Seeing that the lads mind
was firmly fixed, his mother, on March Il,
1881, secured his enlistment in the United
States navy on board the United States
steamer Constitution. Shortly after Gran
dell entered the service the ship was ordered
South, and the young man bade adieu to the
Delaware waters. On April Sth, when of
Cape Hatteras, Crandell was taken i'll, and
for six weeks he lay between life and death
from an attack of typhoid fever, and wher
he recovered he was deaf as a post. The
physicians thought it dodge Of the lad tt
be discharged, and TO test him placed two o.
their large guns on deck, with Crandell be
tween them. Both were discharged at once
and every one who witnessed the scene ex
pected to find the lad dead from fright, bu
he simply wrote on piece of paper: g.
think the deck Jared little, but / hear'
nothing" lie was discharged on April 1lth
and through his attorney and pension CLAIM
agent, he succeeded in obtaining pension
of $l3 per month for bis lifetime.
John Crandell, the lads brother, aged sew
enteen years, who was on the same boat, ba
filed claim for pension for injuries re
ceived by falling from the monkey-yard o
the same vessel and receiving broken arm
while the boat was stationed at Newport, r
L.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
The origin Of the Word aHoosIer.'

The origin Of the word "Hoosier," !" Is now
being discussed at length by the Indiana pa
pers, but DR.. Aaron Weod, the oldest Me-
thodist clergyman in that state, appears to
have settled 1t by an incident he relates as
follows: "A learned foreigner by the rame
Of Leminouski, formerly soldier under
Napoleon, during the years Intervening be.
tween 1923 and 1880, lectured extensively on
the wars Of Europe 70 the pioneers Of the
state. In his discourse the valor of the hus-
sas, was conspicuous, but his accent was not
English, and he pronounced that hoosiers.
During the excavation Of the canal 1t the
falls Of the Ohio, through Kentucky a young
man from Washington County, Indiana, on
the grounds one day, fought and whipped
three Kentuckians. Highly elated 1t the
conclusion, amid atorrent Of backwoods pro-
family, be exclaimed: I'm hoosIer,' from
Lelninouski's pronunciation Of hussar. From
that day tothe present the term has been ap-
piled to all citizens Or Indiana
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
ArI.ansas Trauele,

What Is on de outside OBJ q man Is de
straw, but what Is on de inside is de grain.
It's ebery nigger's duty To be baptized.
Even ef he ain't got de faith do water'll do
him good. H a tss4sf
I Doan jedge by de actions. A possum Ia .
mighty big hypocrit but he's powerful good
meat. Aa as' as&H 3E ITO AaBAs
Dar can be sich thing ~ too much econ
omy. It's alittle dose Of calomel dat sali-
Yates man.
My :dea Of de better worl Ii whar dar In
election goin' on all dc time, cause den de
white folks IL alters perlte. Ess ab
Il may be possible fur : man what doan
like music ter git TO heben, but dinged Of
kin see what business he'll llab dar.
Tears ID sometimes caused from harden
In OBJ do heart - we'll - softenin'. Use
cried like = chile when rs been mad.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
A Singular Accident.
Rondout Courier.

Asingular aceideDt happened to horse In
Saugerties, N. X, the other day. In perform
ing an act for his own personai advantage,
presumably removing : 6y from his ear, the
unfortunate animal kicked ono OF his hind
feet into his mouth In such manner that his
own unaided efforts, though vigOrcus and pro-
l0nged, were insufficient To cxtrlcsteiE. In
this condition he was discovered struggling
upon the door OF his STALL. Tho heel corks VI
bis shoes were found to 5e caught behind his
upper teeth and imbedded In the reof OF his
mouth, from which blood WIS flowing freely.
There was fear that tho animal would break
his neck beforc he could ~ 1eleaee1 hut 10
Eualiy escaped without lnipry. excepting =
sore jaw and several loose tee.h. s
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11

The French scheme for making an artificial
sea in the interior of Africa has been aban-
doned. The commission appointed TO inves-
tigate the project has reported that the
inevitable cost would be out Of all proper
tion to the problematical advantages, being
somewhere In the neighborhood Of $250, ,000,-
coo. Aside from The impracticable nsture of
the enterprise 1t was reported that several
positive losses might be expected to result
from IL. One savant declared that by the
influx of the sea an immense number of fresh
water wells would be filed up and rendered
useless, 70 the great detriment of tho people
on the ncighboring slopes who are now in
the habit of resorting to them. Another
maintained that when the sea was formed
the breezes and spray from IL would destroy
the vegetation around, and prove specially
hurtfnl to the date palm trees, which are
now source Of great profit, and give the
most agreeable shade In those arid regions.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11
A Big sheep Drive.
Eureka Sentinel.


Tom Keogh, we'll known as stock man,
has flock Of $1,000 sheep over In Diamond
Valley, which he Is driving 10 Cheyenne.
He started with them early In last April.
From here he expects to be about twenty
days on the road to Wells. From that point
10 his journeys end he will be three months
more. He will reach Cheyenne about the
Ist Of November, the entire time Of the
drive Leing thus about seven months. Mr..
Keosn looks brown and tough. He has had
hard time or II TO get feed for his sheep on
the way. Several times be thought be was
on the point 81 losing every cent Invested,
hut hr l'ss been vriy fo,tuuas~. losing onl,
- head up 10 this poini. All the rest 81
the way there Is plenty ii grass and water.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1882-08-11

How Andy johnson Opened aJack Pot'
for General Grant.
Louisville Commercial.

Louisville Commercial.
johnson was fine poker player-one of
the best In Tennessee. He used to tell of
game he played with Grant in 1866. Grant
was then at Washington and visited The
President one night. After a short talk
johnson proposed game of poker. Grant,
who was an inveterate player then, jumped
at the chance. Cards were brought and they
began to play. Grant lost steadily and heav-
lily. The game was 81, call SO, and no linn
It. AT last Grant said: s#
"Johnson, will play you one more deal
around and we will quit; I am tired Of this
- foolishness." &~" #& &t@ h@@
johnson dealt and wouldn't come in.
They made 1t a jack pot. &7s2@' 's*
The pot went on increasing In size; neith-
could open 1t. At last there was $64 in the
pot. Grant was dealing. johnson picked
up his cards; he had two pairs, aces up.
Grant looked at his cards and quietly laid
them down. johnson said: #@ @@3 r@s
81 will open for $50" 20 @at#&
Grant, without moving q muscle of his
cast-iron countenance, leaned back In his
chair and said slowly, looking at his cards
| all the time: @E a#p
81 will have to raise you $50, Andy; I
can't help it," 71 #t@sa sanm5#sH
johnson was little surprised, but stood
the raise. Grant asked him how many cards
he wanted. s.s .s.~.rt z-.usa
81 just want one," said johnson: /" how
many do you want?" s.aat..-aa
"Eh9" said Grant, carelessly; II don't
want any this time" a-s st fasos,
johnson picked up his card. II was an
ace. He be. 500. rf sgs.ss f...s
~ will see your 500, Andy, and raise her
$1,000" e.. t..s.r.-.e.s go e
johnson said afterward the bet came near
taking his breath away from him, but some
thing told him Grant was blufiing. He felt
presentiment that he was. ...4y
"Grant, will see your $4,000, and raise
her $50O.'' ..t
!, Grant clinched his teeth and his lips came
together like steel trap. ,..4..ss~@.,.
II win see your $500 and raise you 5000
BETTER" q s.ar- as ns. s--sf..s,t..
~ got a little scared" says johnson, "and
i thought maybe he had fours on me. y So
). said, I'll just call you; what have I got to
beat?'" AZ s.-. a.4.5,-5 .f.#..t
, "Jack high" said Grant, and with an oath
, jumped up from the table,. got his ha. and
! left, giving johnson his note for all he had
, lost. 81 ass-.,..- sss .,+ ~ M