Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1882-07-06
HUMUR.

A Boston paper tells of neighbors
who borrow creamery butter and paw
in oleomargarine.
"No, you don't; you must ray az
you gol" exclaimed the landlord, as he
caught an impecunious boarder trying
to skip away.
A Philadelphian advised his son to
aim high in life, and the lad went ont
and shot COW. Beef was about the
highest thing he could find to aim at.
| -Phild. Chronicle Herald.
A very rich man said: 81 worked like
slave till was forty years old to make
my fortune; and have been watching it
like detective ever since for my lodp
ing, food and clothes"
Things one would wish to have ex.
pressed differently. Musical Maiden
II hope l am not boring you, PLAYING
30 much" Enamored Youth noi
Pray 60 on. I'D so much sooner
hear you play than talk"
A New. York state man who recen.lv
tried flying machine Of his own in
vention had no advice to give those
who crowded around. All he said was
Work in burned fool somewhere on
my tombstome"-Boston Herald.
Examiner-"Well, sir, we will now
suppose that you have been called in
to attend patient who has taken a.
powerful dose of arsenic. VIVA. would
you advise giving him?" M. d. lin
embryo)-"The last sacraments, SIR
1t is stated, probably in Jest, that
Gustave Dore has lately bought villa
on the outskirts of Paris, and has writ
ten up over the entrance the musical
notation: "Do, Mi. 81, La, DO, Re-"
This, being properly interpreted. u.s.
"Domicile Dore. From the French.
A Partisan sportsman vino was ac-
cused Of rejoicing over the victory of
Bruce in the race for the Grand Prix,
and thereby displaying lamentable
lack of patriotism, proceeded to unfold
his system as follows 81 always back
the foreigner. Then if he is beaten |
am consoled by the reflection that my
country has triumphed, while, on the
other hand, it he wins, my patriotic
sorrow is lessened by the reflection that
l am so louis ahead"
First boy-"You owe Bill Jackson
lickin', an yer wants to lick himY'
Second boy Tightening his fists and
looking very bold)-"Yes." First boy
-"Well, now's yer chance. Yonder
he goes across the way" Second boy
weakening Observation-Disclosures it
be JUS the same If ! licked him to-
morrer?' First boy (contemptuously)
Whats the matter with yer?
Didn't yer have nuthin to eat for yer
breakfast Second boy (glad of an
opportunity to explain Eyes, l had
suthin' to eat, but want no regular
meal. '-Brooklyn Eagls
"What curious idea that is of yours,
my dear, 10 put your poor dead hus-
bands portrait in your dining-room p'
COB, put him there as a bit Of still
life."
Frankness- (Shall-we- a-reverse,
Miss Lillian?" Miss Lillian-"Reverse,
indeed The idea Why, its AS much
as you can do to keep on your legs as it
is !"-Punch.
A California board of education has
offered prize of $40 to the girl who
appears in the cheapest dress on COM
mencement day. Probably the prize
money will be spent for clothes. -Bw-
faIo Courier.
A man who committed suicide in
Philadelphia recently reported as hav-
ing been unmarried and eccentric"
The eccentrics are chiefly bachelors.
Nothing like marriage for knocking the
eccentricity out of man.
A crusty old fellow once asked
"What is the reason that griffins, dra-
CONS and devils are ladies' iavorite sub
ects for embroidery designs "Ah,
because they are continually thinking
of their husbands" was The iadys
quick retort.
A modest bachelor who vas threat
ened with severe illness, stoutly re-
sented his landlady's suggestion that
she should call a female physician of
her acquaintance. II assure YOU"
urged the well-meaning hash manufac-
turess, chat she is as competent to
treat you as any male member of the
profession know Of" "That may be,
madame" replied the ailing boarder,
cnergetically "brt do you suppose Pm
going to get up and put my clothes on
every time the doctor calls?'