The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1882-11-03
THE LITERARY WIFE'S HUSBAND.
His Trials as Related by Himself
4 Il

His Trials as Related by Himself
Gale Forest
/ have the honor to be the husband OF
literary wife. Exalted position, that Several
times day ! am made proudly aware Of the
fact
sThere goes Jedd,H I hear some one ex-
claim
&Well, who is he?" inquired the person ad-
dressed
@Why, don't you know? He's husband Of
Mrs. Jedd, the authoress."
@Ohl ali! yes!" surveying me critically from
stop to toe" as pass along, amply convinced
that occupya very exalted position In life;
and fully appreciate the honor which Mrs
Jedd confers upon me in allowing me to be
the husband Of so distinguished person as
herself; but, really, it is impossible to conceal
from my own heart that aside from the high
dignity conferred the situation also has its
trials.
Mrs. jedi occupies a far more exalted posi-
ton than myself; in fact she is generally in .
state of great exaltation, SO much so that, at
times, she is entirely unable to descend to
common cares and occupations of every day
life, and myself and the children are put to
much inconvenience in consequence.
For instance, she will often, as the dinner
hour approaches be so raised up by some
subject upon which she is engaged as to
render her entirely obliYious to the pangs Of
hunger.
The children and myself, not being lifted
into the Seventh heaven" which she has
reached, feel strongly the force of habit and
the want Of our MONDAY meal But, we do
not disturb Mrs. jedi; we know the attempt
would be useless Long experience is an ex-
cellent teacher If l want repast prepare
it myself, or see that it is prepared and my
distinguished @better-half" generally conde-
sends to come down and partake heartily of
it to please her doting husband. If want a
bntton sewed on shirt, pants, coat or vest, I
have my own needle, thimble and thread, for
the purpose, and well understand the use Of
them.
If want pair of clean socks las believe
every man does occasionally, I either go and
buy them, wait a year or two till Mrs. Jedd
gets time to sew up the gaps, or wear them
with my great toes and small toes exposed to
the weather, and my heel to the merciless in
side of my boot But still affirm occupy a
very exalted station.
Mrs Jedd, too, constantly reminds ne Of
the fact
No one could be more particular than she
concerning the habiliments of my @outer
man."
Now, want it understood, don't say a
word against my wife; but, really, it does
seem to me, at times, as if must have prom
ised to "love, honor and obey" her, and do,
with all my heart; but if there's anything
that's against my nature it's to be an everlast-
ing spink of propriety." But Mrs. Jedd says
must; her husband must be q or dit to her
My clothes must be the incest and best, and
look as if had just stepped from hat-box;
the front of my shirt white and stiff as soap
and starch can make it; my necktie adjusted
at exactly the right angle; my boots must
shine Like Sambo's skin, and my hair and
whiskers Eyes, tits a melancholy truth, she
even makes me dye for herr of midnight dark
ness. She says it would never do for us both
to be the same complexion; husband and wife
should always be opposites; if not naturally,
why, then, one or the other artfcially-au Of
which is most trying to me- Then, too, if
arrange with some friends to meet them at the
club with cards and champagne, for nice lit
tie quiet time, Mrs. Jedd is sure to desire my
attendance to some scientific lecture, literary
meeting or other, and, though I won't be tied
to any Woman's sash-ribbons, you see I can't
positively refuse to escort SO distinguished q
lady; so my own little supper is foregone.
Then, also, if Mrs. Jedd and myself attend
an evening party or reception, no sooner do we
arrive than she is completely surrounded by
authors and authoresses of ill degrees and
prominence, SO much so, indeed, that find
myself mere cipher, and seeking some re-
tired nook, remain in it during the rest of the
evening
If Mrs. Jedd were a less noted woman I
wouldn't stand it. by Josh! But I'm no fool,
and as I have said, am fully aware of my ex-
allied position, but, upon my honor as a gentle
man (Mrs. Jedd is not around) 1 wouldn't ad-
wise all men, Notwithstanding the elevated
condition to which they may be lifted thereby,
to become the husbands of literary wives.