Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1882-05-27
WIT AND WISDOM.

| w Hl Il SOOcCbCLg jutl hhO OOuAtOA-
felt money because it Is not currant.
WHAT letter is that which is in visible
but never out of sight ?-The letter l.
WHAT is the last blow a defeated ship
gives in battle ?-Striking her own flag.
WHICH constellation resembles an
empty fireplace ?-The Great Bear
(grate bare).
FooD for reflection -mince PIE,
cheese. lobster salad. No sleep. Time
| to think.
WOMAN loves always. When earth
slips from them they take refuge in
heaven.
WHAT is that which has never been
felt. seen or heard, and yet has a name?
Nothing.
The whisper of beautiful woman
can be heard further than the loudest
call of duty.
A LAWYER is about the only man that
ever made anything by opposing a
woman's will.
WHY would pelican make good
lawyer because he knows how to
stretch his bill.
WHY is lucifer-box without matches
superior to ell other boxes because
it is matchless.
WHAT relation is that child to its
father who is not its fathers own son?
His daughter.
THERE is no torture that a woman
could not suffer to enhance her
beauty. Montaigne.
Or ALL things that man possesses,
women alone take pleasure in being
possessed. Malherbe
ADVICE to wives--Man is very much
like an egg-keep him in hot water and
he is bound to become hardened.
BEFORE promising a woman to love
only her, one should have seen them all,
or should see only her.-A. Dupuy.
AN orator saying that he had a very
mixed audience, was asked how it hap
pened. "Oh, said he, 81 stirred it up
so with my eloquence.
"CANr," says Emerson, "is useful
to provoke common sense" 1t is also
useful, with an apostrophe, wkc" a
doubtful friend asks you to lend him 50.
THE hides of all the cats in America
would be worth $40, 100000 to cona<
merce. And it's fearful shame to have
so much property lying idle.-Bostoa
Post.
"PA," said a child, tbirsting for
knowledge, "they say that beavers are
the most industrious of animals. What
do they make?" "Beaver hats, my
child-beaver hats" replied the father.
GENERAL SHERMAN was waylaid by
Cheyenne reporter thirsty for Indian
news. "Why, look a-here," said the
veteran, "see this newspaper in my
hands. / get all 1 know from the news
paper in my hands. I get all know
from the newspapers"
THE House of Representatives "burst
into roar of laughter " when Mr.. Cox,
pointing his finger at Townshend, OF
Illinois, said: Whoever drinks the
whisky pays the tax, and the gentle
man from Illinois knows 1t.
Louisville Journal.
AT the close OF the late war two women
of Penfeld, Ga, began farming with an
old blind horse. Now they own good
plantation, we'll stocked. Our women
of to-day should learn a lesson from
this, and at the close of the next war
procure an old blind horse and begin
farming. -NOrristOlCn Herald.
JONES, who possesses no musical ear,
was hugely enraptured at the vocal fire.
works of q poor singer at recent con-
cert. "Don't you think she is splendid ?"
he inquired OF a musician near by. 81
think she is o glorious screecher, was
the truthful response; and Jones was
satisfied.
"WHY, Mr.. B" said tall youth
to little parsonage who was in COM
pany with half dozen huge men, al
protest you are so very small / did not
see you before" every likely" re-
piled the little gentleman 60 [ am like
a silver sixpence among six copper pen
nies-not easily perceived, but worth
the whole of them"
THE Dublin Journal Of Medical
Science says: g 1t is related OF the late
Earl of Derby, who was martyr to
gout, that on one occasion a merchant
sent him a supply OF sherry, informing
him that as long as he confined himself
to it he would continue free from his
enemy; to which the statesman laconic-
ally replied that he had tasted the
sherry and preferred the gout.
ST SEE a great many pictures of goats
hanging up in the windows, lately,
said New Haven woman to her hus-
band sis it goat festival or some-
thing of that sort ?" "No, my dear,
replied her husband; "it is-it is-well,
it isl believe it has something to do
with beer or some such thing and he
tried to look innocent, but it. was no
use. She fixed her eye upon him and
said. 81 saw you go into one of those
stores, and thought you'd know" :
NeU HdUen Register.
A NICE-LooKING young man, who
seated himself in a well-fiIled car, held
in between his ieweled fingers the
stump of cigar, giving ont its dying
fumes. They are not pleasant odor,
even to old smokers, aud in this case
was specially vicious One bright little
miss, dozen years old, saucily re-
marked, so rs to be heard: eff he will
throw it away, [ will pick him mp
longer stump as soon as we get up to
the park" 1t was not long before that
young man went to the front platform
to see man.
A BILL was recently introduced in the