Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1882-06-12

A little boy. showing great reluctance
to go to school one morning, was asked
the reason. Because" he answered,
''the teacher said he was going to try to
put an idea in my head to-day, and don't
want him to be cutting into my head"
The American palace hotel, to be built
ON the Thames enbankment, London, will
be nine stories high, accommodate 1900
guests, AMI will be conducted strictly af-
ter the American fashion. An expedition
will soon be started for Africa in search
of suitable diamond for the clerks
breast-pin.
! A village schoolmaster, examining a
reading class, asked the head of the class,
"What is artificial manure?" ''Dont
know" said he, and the same reply was
given by four other boys; but precocious
youngster, not yet in his teens, was equal
to the occasion, and said, ''Please, sir, it's
the stuff they grow artificial flowers in."
leading citizen of Dallas, one of the
most intelligent property owners in the
town, was reading a newspaper in the
Teas Sittings Office yesterday, when he
came across the paragraph ''The admiss-
ion of Dakota is a foregone conclusion at
Washington" whereupon he said: ''I
can't keep up with the Washington scan
dals, there are so many of them. What
did Dakota admit?''
A into f11ler ctr orlh ocl lyn1
for something to cure headache. The
druggist held bottle of hartshorn to his
nose, and he was nearly overpowered by
its pungencY. As soon as he recovered,
he wanted to punch his head. 'sBut didn't
it help your headache?" asked the apoth-
ecary. ''Help my headache!' gasped the
man. 81 haven't any headache. It's my
wife that's got the headache"
An Austin family was recently blessed
with baby boy, the first one in the fami-
ly. Next door was a family in which there
were half a dozen children. When the
arrival of the boy next door was announc
ed, little Johnny, aged 6 years, asked
tsHave they dot a boy, sure enough?'
eyes, there's boy over there at last.
s'Then they will have lot more. That's
the way we did. ."-Ie1as Siftings.
Jones went to see his girl one evening
and Brown was to meet him afterwards
Brown waited and waited, and then quit
and began waiting over again in a new
place, and about midnight Jones rushed
in. eHello." said Brown, sswhat th
deuce is the matter? I've been waitin:
two hours for you." SWELL" repliet
Jones, couldn't get away any sooner
because l had to stay to lunch.' Lunch
Thunder and forked lightningl you stai'
long enough to eat the whole girl.
The story is told of an old hunter il
Michigan who lost his way in the wood
number of times when the country wa
new. At length he secured pocket com
pass and its use was explained to him b.
a friend. But shortly afterwards he los
his way again and lay out as usual Whe
found he was asked why he did not trave
by the compass. He did not dare to h
said. He wanted to go north, and h
.stried to make the thing point north. bu
it wasn't any use, 'twould shake, shake
shake round and point southeast ever
time
A COOP HEALTHY APPETITE.-Ap patler
says: II have taken a great many dine
ent things, but never in my life took an.
thing like the Compound Oxygen. l re-
so strong and well, and have such goo'