News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-06-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

NOTHING IS rich but the 1neXhanstlOle
wealth of Nature She grows its only
surfaces, but she is million fathOms
deep.
A DISAPPOINTED young man says he
wishes he was rumor, because q rumor
soon gains currency, which he has never
been able to do.
WILHELM has found fault With the
hotels of Australia. We should imagine
he would prefer vile inn" as dis
ciple of Pagan-inn-i.
SOME people are always locking for
the bad, and of course always find it.
They insist on carrying the heavy end
of the log all through Life.
WE ARE told that sat Pompeii combs
have been found exactly like the modern
tine-tooth kind" This would Indicate
well, you catch the idea !-B0ston Post.
FIRST Lady: "Dear me, never saw
Mrs. Potts look so pale" Second Lady:
"Nor I; she's probably been out in the
wet without an umbrella. - Detroit
Free Press.
SHIFTING the responsibility Mistress
=" Forgot it Why, l told you to i'm
press it on your mind" Bridget-"It
was on me moind put it, mum, an me
moind wint astray wid it."
THE New York Journal of Commerce
says: " Man is the only animal that
can be taught to sleep quietly on an
empty stomach" The editor was very
likely thinking of newspaper men.
THE old adage, Honesty is the best
policy" is very odd saying. If man
Is really honest he don't care whether it
is the best policy or not, and as for the
rest of the world, they don't believe
that it is the best policy.
THE meanest church organist lives in
Philadelphia He is all bent with age,
and the other day, at the wedding of an
antique Philadelphia belle whom he
knew many years before, he astonished
everybody by playing a fantasie on the
air, "Whep You and were Young"
A LITERARY man, who had recently
published book, was observed to be
very downcast last week. "What is the
matter ?" SAID friend ''you look all
broken up" "No wonder" was the
answer, 'I'ye just been blown up by
magazine. "-BoSton Courier.
Mrs. EwNe, Chicago lecturer on
cookery, says that chicken requires
one hour of stewing for every year of
its life. At last the secret has been
discovered why boarding house chick
en- which is to be served at six o'clock
in the evening is usually put on the fire
very early in the morning.
TRADEsMAN Ito country customer who
has come to complain of the quality of
his lucifer matches )-"Not light? Why,
have only t. draw them smartIy across
my corduroy oreeches and they blaze
instantly" Customer-"Yes, but what's
that to me? can't come matter O.
four miles for your old breeches every
time we wants light"
"l DON'T care so much about the loss
of my thumb, as a thamb," said the
grocer, whose horse had amputated the
member, "but as a source of profit I
shall miss it. I've measured that thumb
in the shape of beans, meal and mo-
lasses nigh onto a thousand times.
Well, my wife can't afford new parlor
carpet this spring"
THE crow, according to the Naturalist
is not much of singer, but is on the
whole valuable bird to the farmer.
Certainly. Without the depredations of
| the crow the farmer coufd have n pos
sibIe excuse for calling up his chore boy
at three O'Clock in the morning, rigging
him up in fantastic costumes fiom the
garret and sending him forth to parade
the cornfield as living, moving scare
crow.-NeaO H0Ue,1 Register.
"BUT why did you leave your last
place ?" asked Mrs. Brown. "Och,
num-" replied the young person, with
a toss of her shapeless head, "thoy was
that mean that there was no livin' wild
'em. If you'll behave it, mum, twas
only yister that 1 wint Until theAparlor,
and there was two of the gurruls a play
ing on one peeany and their father rich
enough to buys dozen and never fale
it. t."-Boston Transcript.
LITTLE Mile Jolijamb after long SER
vice in the ballet was given the role of a
page. Her lines were "My lady, the
Count de SAKE waits without" Millie
studied her part faithfully, and was
letter perfect on the night of represen-
tation. Just before she had her ''cue'
mischievous actor at the wing said:
'Do not say bags Millie," On went
Millie, and blurted out My lady, the
Count de Bags waits without, and then
rushed off to refuge and tears in the
dressing room.
SAMUEL ROGERS tells ono of the best
stories of absent mindedness that we
have ever heard. His friend Maltby was
its hero and it was to this effect: One
day when the two were at the Louvre
looBing at the pictures, lady entered
who spoke to the poet. When he re-
joined Maltby, who was completely alb
sorbed, he said: ''That Was Mrs. Blank;
we have not met for so long that she
had almost forgotten me, and asked me
if my name was Rogers" Maltby sim
ply said, "Well, and was it ?"
A TRAMP with some combs for sale
was Sinking up to the side door Of
house, but the dog came round the cor
ner and seized hold of the tail of his
coat. The man was skulking ont, when
the owner of the house came and asked:
"Did dose dog bide you?" "He
didn't bite me but he tore my coat"
was the reply. "My goot friend, ex-
cuse dose dog if he didn't bide you.
He ish young dog now, but by and by
he shall get hold OF some tramps aud
eat deir bones right ont of dem He
bides a coat now, pur ne snaIi soon do
peter"