Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1882-04-06
lancaster ftltelIQenrer.
The Editor.

Boston Transcript,
The editor is member of that race of
animals called mankind. He is invariably
kind man. ,....
He is perfectly harmless. You may 60
INTO his den without fear. But he has his
pcculiarities. Tho sight of poet makes
him wild. He is then very dangerous, and
IS apt to do bodily harm to all within
reach. lie is also much wrought up when
a man comes in with little trifle he has
Just dashed off.
There is one thing that must be said in
tho cditor's praise. His mind is SO biassed
10y long thinking in a certain direction that
he dislikes very much to look upon both
sides of question. Therefore, if you
value your safety, never approach him
with manuscript written Oh both sides of
your paper.
The editor usually writes with pen,
but his cutting articles arc the product of
his shears.
And let INC say right here that good
deal of sheer nonsense has been printed
about the editor. He uses his shears only
when composing an entirely original article.
The editor would make good public
speaker but for his propensity for clipping
words.
The editors hardest task is to dispose
of his time. His would he monotonous
life indeed, were it not for tho kindness Of
the few hundred people who call upon him
every day to enliven his dull life with
stories of their grievance, of their brand
new enterprise, and with antediluvian
anecdotes. When you grow up to be men
and women, children, remember this, and
spend all the time you can in the sanctum
Of the editor. lie loves company SO much.
you know, and sometimes he has to sit
Is it not too bad?
tain itinerant lecturers, book canvassers,
exchange ficnds, and other philanthropists.
lie gives his whole day to these. lie
writes his editorials ut night, after he has
gone to bed.
Tho editor is never SO happy as when he
is writing complimentary notices. For
ten cents worth Of presents lie will gladly
give ten dollars worth of advertising-all
on account of the pleasure it gives him to
write. you know.
lie loves also to write neat little speech
cs, and bright, witty poems for people
without brains who. wish to speak in pub
lie. 1t is so easy for him to do this that
he is sometimes quite miserable when al
hour or two passes without an opportunity
80 do something of the kind.
The editor dimes at all the hotels free,
he travels free, theatres open wide Their
doors to him, his tailor clothes him gratis,
his butcher and grocer furnish him with
food without money and without price
In short, his every want is provided for.
icspeuds his princcly salary in building
churchS and school houses in foreign
lands.
BY all means be editors. OF course il
would be better if you could bo hod.
carriers Or dray horses. But as that is
impossible, by all means lie editors.
Helping Editors to obtain News.
Some supposed friends of newspape,
have peculiar ideas as to what kind Ol
items paper really requires. Not long
since gentleman came into the Galveston
Ners sanctum and said {: "LOok here
You miss heap of live items. Pm or
the streets all day I'll come up every
once in 4 while and post YOU"
"All right, fetch on your items but re.
member, We want Ecws."
Next day he came up bcaming all over,
"Fvc got live item for you. You know
that internal bow-legscd gorilla Of a
brother-in-law Of mine, who was in bust
ness here with me ?''
81 believe remember such person, u
said the editor, wcarily.
''Well, I've just got news from Nebraska,
where be is living, that he is going to run
for the Legislature. Now, just give him
Il blast. Lift him out of his boots. Don't
spare him on my account"
Next day he came up again. My little
item was crowded out. l brought you
some news" and he hands in an item
about his cat, Us follows {:
"A REMARKABLE ANIMAL.-Tie family
cat of our worthy and distinguished fel.
lOw-townsman Smith, who keeps the boss
grocery store OF Ward No. - (becr always
"n tap), yesterday became the mother OF
five sinSularly-marked kittens. This il
not the first time this unhcard of event
has taken place. We understand Mr.
Smith is being favorably spoken of as a
candidate for alderman
Thc editor grOans in his spirit as he
lights cigar with the effort. 1t is not
long before he hears that Smith is going
around saying that he mado tie paper
what it is, but it is not independent
enough for Il place like Galveston.
Many readers will say this sketch is
overdrawn but thousands of editors al
over the country will lift up their right
hands to testify that they are personally
acquainted with the guilty party.
EASILY FROvEN.-It is easily proven that ma
larial fcvcrs, constipation, torpidity OF The
liver and kidneys, general debility, nervous
ness, and neuralgia ailments yield readily tG
this great disease conqUerOr, Hop Eittcrs. l,
repairs the T:iv:lgeS of disease by converting
the food into rich blood, and it gives new litC
anh viSOr TO the aged and in1irm always.
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