The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1882-08-23
COMIC COMMENTS.


Exciting game of poker: "Don't you
play poker, Miss Schenkwales?o 81 do; I
playit on Mr.. sehenkwales' head sometimes. !"
Anon.
Literary: Young lady" Mr. L., don't
you admire 'Locksley Hall y" Mr.. L.
Well-er-I don't know as ever saw that
building. "--Roenohe 0olegian
Five threes are fifteen: A servant with
turn for figures had five eggs to boil, and
being told to give them three minutes each
boiled them quarter of an hour altogether
Anon.
Experiences the great teacher FIf eve.
marry I shan't seek for mind minds too
cold. I'll choose an emotional woman"
Don't do it, emplore you, My wife's all
emotional woman ~ Brooklyn Eagle.
"A philosophical citizen A man
gathering mushrooms was told that they
were poisonous. Thank you, he replied,
II am not going to eat them myself sell
them at the hotel /" Boston Transcript.
saIutation Jones (accompanied by
his dog snapJ meets Brown, WHO nccosts him
with Good morning, Jones how's your
dog Snap ?" Jones' Pretty wen, thank
you; how are you ?" Boston Transcript.
--latest from the seat Of war: sIs the
General on the retired list 2" they asked of
his wife the other evening. " Retired No.
indeed !" she replied 81 he's down at the
club playing poker. "-swinatfeh Repa5H-
can
Not an egotist; Pa asked little
Johnny, what does the teacher mean when
she says must have inherited my bad tenn.
per ?" sShe meant, Johnny, that you are
your mothers own boy" Boston Tran.
script.
"A true partisan: No, sir,p said this
Michigan Republican visiting Washington;
81 don't vote for that man Horr again.
Why, he actually laughed at a joke made by
Democrat is that sticking to his party Z,
Boston Post
Hail Columbia on q jewsharp. Imag.
inc the indignation of an American boy in
French school, who in history class is told
how Lafayette, the Great French general,
triumphed in the Revolution assisted by one
Washington. - Gallgnani
Prehistoric joke "Did you present
your account TO the defendant ?" ia.
quried lawyer of his clerk ct did, sir"
"What did he say2" He told me to 90 10
the devil sir" Well, and what did you
do after that p why came to You sin. )"
The poetcal and the practical Senti-
mental dinner: Eat lark Partake of
one of the charming songsters ct heavens
gate would as soon eat hymn Praetio.
al friend Ya-as, never touch small birds
they all feed on worms. "-Pus,ny Folks.
Exciting runaway: Pater--" Well.
Charlie, my boy, I had a marrow escape in
driving over to see your room to-day AS we
turned the corner by Rock Hall the horse
started into deadrun and nearly upset me-
Charlie, =" Oh, he smeltth Wildcats around
the college, / guess "--Haypayd Lampoon.
"A shot that told: A French officer said
to Swiss Colonel; How is it that your
countrymen always fight for money, while
we French always fight for honor?a The
Swiss shrugged isshouldersa and replied: 81
suppose ii is because people are apt to fight
for that which they need most Hartford
Times.
Terrible fate of kind-hearted girl
According TO q truthful Indian newspaper, a
hungry lion invaded young ladies' semin-
AIRY on commencement day, and, bouncing
in among them, carried Off the prettiest and
plumpest with her composition in her peck
eta schoolgirl essay on kindness to ami
mails.
"A young rascal; "Charles, my boy"
said Deacon Jones, of course desire you
to esteem your cousin Grace, but 1t is hardly
meet that you should kiss her quite SO warm
ly." "why, fatherp replied the young
rascal, "to be true to your instructions, l
must insist upon Grace before meat ~ os-
ton Transcript
An improbable bid; az understand
that Brown is in trouble" said Smithson.
Yes" replied Fogg. Brown was at the
auction shop the other day. They had a
silver pitcher, and Brown offered 10 take il,
offered to take it for nothing, you know.
Well, the Sheriff took him up. That's ALL"
boston Transcript
disadvantage of saying things Scene
at an evening party. The hostess--s' Can
introduce You to any of the young ladies',
Mr.. I. Pr" All no. think I am &C.
quainted with all l wish.~ Hostess--" Do
you know my daughter p Mr. r. (much
embarrassed) Ash, no; should be delight
ed-"--Boston Transcript
"A new agony; II is quito the proper
idea FOR young lady to paint bunch of
pansies on u fresh laid egg and forward it
by special messenger to her best gentleman
friend. This signifies: Pa is Matching
another scheme against you. Como over
the garden WALL this evening" The interest
now begins. Neio Haosn Register.
--Life's ups and downs Uncle Ned lost
dollar the other day and when he went
home he called his eldest son. "Come
here, boy, and set down. Dis am queer
worl, anyway, boy jis' wen yo' think 20
layin' on feathers an waikiki on rcses--slapi
an dar yo' is, fiat in the mud, playin' tat
too wild yo heels on mex to muffin. "--Oa
CITY Derrick
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