davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
JESTS BY THE JOURNALISTS.

tattling woman in neighborhood
il own sister of the boy who brings the
itch 10 school.
The starch makers of the West are pro
posing to combine, the object being, of
course, TO stifien the price.
The comet has head "a, 600 miles long.
II ought to know pretty well what it is
doing. Courier
Did Richard III. exclaim "Give me
another horsew because he was tired Of
the nightmare he had been riding?
The difference between dandy and a
fat hog-one is dressed to kill, and the
other is killed to dress.-Lowell Courier.
There is man in England who gain
ed over fifty pounds in one week. He
bet on tl' winning horse.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Ben Franklin said that soft words but
ter no parsnips, but they have helped TO
elect many man TO office for all that.
Boston Star.
The Andover theologues will be aghast
when they see themselves referred to by
the Springfield Republican as "theolo-
casters"
A young lady has been discovered on
the North Side who never sang "Over
the Garden Wall" She is crazy and
deaf and dumb.
The velvet and diamond winter ap-
proaches, and Mrs. Shoddy has her eye
on the cotton backed and paste article
New Orleans Picayune.
1t rains alike on the Just and the un-
just-and on the just mainly because the
unjust have borrowed their umbrellas
| Hartford Times.
A leopard never changes his spots. A
mosquito does, for he will settle in new
spot every five seconds and sing all the
time he is changing.
1t is considered lawful for clergvmen
to exchange pulpits on Sabbath day ;
but it would not look well for them to
swap jacknives.--New Orleans Picayune.
A New York letter carrier was arrest
ed for stealing money letters, and then it
was discovered that he had four wives.
No wonder he had to steal.-Cin. Satur-
day Night.
"The proper study of mankindis man."
Pope knew better than to say woman"
Woman is too deep a study for anybody
to undertake.-Boston Transcript
A Tennessee woman has trained dog
to drink beer and chew tobacco. Now
You see, that woman will never marry,
for she has no use for a man around
the house.
Gen. Bonaparte died. To George ~,
then in Ireland, it was announced, "Sire,
your greatest enemy is dead" when
did she die?" asked the King, assuming
that ii was his wife that had died.
Lasting friendship: YES" he remark
ed, George and are firm friends; have
been for years, and will probably stay so
many more. We have solemn contract
never to speak of each others faults."-
Lowell Citizen.
A Brooklyn man no longer asks anoth-
er on Sunday morning, "Are you going to
church," The query now is: Are you
going to hear stump speech this morn
ing?"-Norristown Herald.
A woman who has two blocks to go
should stop crowded street car, jam her
way in, ask some one TO get So bill
changed, deprive two men of their seats,
and then ring the bell at both ends of
the car and alight.-DanbHry News.
Hint to subscribers: Subscribers of the
Boomerang who find cross-bones and a
skull with crest of latest metallic burial
casket drawn in bloed, on the wrapper of
their paper will know that their sub
scription has expired, and something has
GOT to he done Il arnmie Boomerang.
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
The House OF Lords.
Fortnightly Review.


As the composition of the house, such
is its action. On an ordinary night,
when an ordinary measure is debated
no one attends, and when the constitu-
ton or the fancied interests of their
order are not in danger, half dozen
members are sufficient to transact the
business of that august assembly. At
such times one reads in the papers
paragraph such as this: 'The lord chan
celor took his seat on the woolsack at
4:30. Lord Boremors asked question
of the lord privy seal on the state of Ire
land, and made some remarks which
were inaudable in the gallery. The lord
chancellor placed on the table a bill for
the better remuneration of Black Rod.
Several bills were advanced stage
Their lordships adjourned at 5:l0" But
on grand nights, when, as the Conserva-
tive papers are so fond of telling us,
there was a display of dignified elo-
quencc and practical statesmanship such
as is never witnessed in any other as
sembly in the world" then they speed
DER moor and fell from shooting croco-
diles on the Nile or pigeons at Hurting
ham, pale from Paris or ruddy from
rural retreats, and the house is thronged
with the 400 and odd great obscure"
whose word is law to the people of this
country, The position Of Conservative
minister in the house OF lords is indeed
enyiable. Truly it may be said of him
that he has but to stamp with his foot
and an army of faithful voters springs
from the soil. He can call spirits from
the Vastly deep, Mediterranean, Atlantic,
Pacific, and no one dare suggest doubt
that they will come when he doth call
for them. Even with a compact Liberal
majority against him in the country and
in the house the Conservative leader of
the house of lords can make the most
powerful minister trcmble for the fate of
his lncas1lrns
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
The Fn,t Trade. usis.A.

The first notice OF trades unionism in
Englansl is foundin an act of EdwardVI.,
l54S, which crites that "rtifcers, han
dicraitsmen, and laborers have made con-
fedeiacies and promises. and have sworn
rnst''al 'eaths na; oalyY that they should
NOT rneddle whh one another work and
perforu, and 1inish-that another bad be-
-euny LAD also to constitute md apTnint
how much work they shall do IN ,lav.
and what hours and tines they shall
work, contrary to the claws snd statutes of
this realm, aad 10 the qrea! hurt and i'm
poverislnnent Of his msjestyIs subjects
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
His Mexican Romance,

Forty years ago Stonington, Conn.
BOY, named Benjamin Brown, ran away
from home, went to Mexico, Joined the
Mexican forces, served CALAMITY, mar
ried beautiful Spanish woman, raised
four children an | was murdered in 1866.
None of his children learned English.
One year ago his eldest son mastered
the English tongue well enough to read
his fathers private papers and now that
son is in New London suing for one
sixth interest IN his grandfathcr's estate.
For forty years, Of the son, Benjamin,
nothing has ben known.
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
The Carolina Diamond story.
Gertrude Garrison in indianapolis R vie,

Gertrude Garrison in indianapolis X view.
There are gold mines within four miles
of Glenn Springs, real, srIre-enough gold
mines in active operation and there are
legends about diamonds Isost fascinating
to hear, but as difficult to trace to their
source as the gold at the end of the rain
bow. Once a year-in the winter, | think
An exciting story about South Carroll
ma diamond makes the rounds. of the
newspapers, dazzling the uninitiated and
lous. Reduced TO its smallest compass il
is this: A mountaineer's child finds an
odd looking stone as big as a goose egg.
After playing with il carelessly for six
months, a geoloeist OF great discernment
happens that way, sits down ON the door
step, asks for q, drink of water, picks up
the child's crude-loolsing marble and pro-
nounces il diamond of the first water,
worth ever so many thousand dollars.
Then. the mountaineer takes little bas-
ket and goes out on the hillside where
the child found the treasure and picks up
basketful, and the family at once be-
come swells and travel to Europe. That
is the beautiful and touching story of the
South Carolina Kohinoor, which we have
all read with envy in our hearts and won
der in our eyes. Well, have inquired
about that diamond, that child, that
mountainecr and that angelic geologist.
Everybody has heard Of them, but no.
body has seen them. When You ask
about them in South Carolina you are
told that the story is true, but the fortu-
nate diamond finders lived in North Car
olina, aud up in North, Carolina they will
tell yoa thai it all happened in South
Carolina. sHaS unA sl3oI "a
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
a Lovers Device.

a Montreal cabby, who was the proud
father of pretty daughter, refused a GER
tain young man admission to the house.
The certain young 1an acquiesced in the
decision, but, when he soon thereafter
got full, y he stepped into tie said proud
fathers vehicle rs it stood by the high
way and commanded TO be driven to the
house Of his inamorta. The cabman re-
fused to start, and the certain young man
had him arrested for ref. sing a fare. An
interesting law suit is expecied
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
Her paufalaou.

Mrs. Stowe, of San Francisco. is dress
Ieformer who has given the chief of po-
ice OF that city notice that on and after
January she shall wear males attire.
The chief has replied that he will arrest
her If she appears in the street in that
costume. Even the Wasp ridicules her
as follows: Hartford, Conn, is cxult-
ing about the manufacture of leather
belt an inch thick, 30 inches wide and
l2o feet long. II is probably intended
for Mrs. stowe, of this city--to keep her
,panties up."
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
DOMESTIC RECEIPTS.
Foote'S Health journal.

APPLE TART WITH JELLY.-Pare, core
and cut six large cooking apples in
halves, cook in syrup, and drain on a
sieve prepare and bake tart crust, line
the bottom with apple marmaade, ar
range the boiled apples systematically
over, mask with the well-reduced syrup
let cool, ornament with fanciful cuts of.
apple or curant jelly, and serve.
STEAMED FIsH.-Place tail Of fish in
its mouth and secure it, lay on plate,
pour over il half pint of vinegar sea-
soned with pepper and salt let stand an
hour in the refrigerator, then pour OIL
the vinegar, and put in a steamer over
boiling water; steam twenty minutes, or
loneerif the Dish Is VERY iarges when
doHe the meat easily parts from the
bone sslnslni well, andserve OH n nap
kin garnished with curled parsley.
WHITE FIsH-Take,a white fish, steam
until tender, take out bones, and sprinkle
viii pepper and salt. For dressing
heat a pint of milk and thicken with a
quarter pound of flour; when cool add
two eggs and a quarter pound of butter,
and season with onion and parsley very
little Of EACH put in the baking-dish a
layer of fish, then q layer of sauce, till
full cover the top with bread crumbs,
and bake half an hour.
RECOMMENDATIONS oF,A JOURNAL OF HEALTH.
Try popcorn for nausea.
Try cranberry for malaria.
~ Try sun bath for rheumatism.
Cry ginger ale for stomach cramps.
Try clam broth for weak stomach.
Try cranberry poultice for erysipclas.
Try gargling lager beer for cure of
sore throat.
Try swallowing saliva when troubled
with a sour stomach.
Try eating fresh radishes and yellow
turirips for gravel. .--.
= Try eating onions and horseradish to
relieve. dropsicai wellings
= Try buttermilk for removal of frcckles,
tan and hutternut stains.
Try the croup-tippet when child is
likely TO be troubled in that way.
Try hot flannel over the seat of neu-
ralgic pain, and renew frequently.
Try taking codliver oil in tomato catsup
if you want to make it palatable.
Try snufiing powdered borax up the
nostrils for catarrhal "cold in the head"
Try hard cider--a winegiassful three
times a day--for ague aud rheumatism.
Try takinga nap in the afternoon if
you are going to be out late in the even
ing. t
Try breathing the fumes of turpentine
or carbolic acid to relieve whooping-
cough. 5&' ~
Try cloth wrune out from cold water
put about the neck at night for sore
throat. Co. -,
Try an extra pair Of stockings outside
oJ your shoes WHEN travelling in cold
weather. l.s
Try walking with your hands behind
you If YOU find yourself becoming bent
forward, -rI -
Try silk handkerchief over the face
when Obliged to go against cold, pierre
ing wind. -. .s.,.5',-
Il p - ---------
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
A Big Well.

Los Angelo, (cal) Telegram.
The largest well in California is now
rapidly approaching completion in Will
mington, in this county. 1t is the enter
prise of Gen. Phineas Banning, one of
most energetic citizens of Los Angeles
county, who has made this well his
hobby and pride for several months past.
II is Twenty-Five feet in diameter, and
has reached level some forty feet below
the surface of the earth. In the interior
of this circular hole huge wooden tank,
hooped together with iron bands, and
each stave twelve inches square, has
been built. The inside of this tank,
which is bottomless, is hooped with
bands of railroad iion and formed so that
the bottom flares outward and is wider
than the top. As the earth is removed
from the bottom of the well this man.
moth bottomless tub, one foot thick,
sinks downward, thus forming water
tight wall. On top of this wooden struc-
ture brick wall is being built as the
hole becomes deeper. The water enters
the well at the bottom in large volumes.
but it is kept almost dry by the operation
of large steam pump, which runs night
and day. There is room for twenty-five
or thirty men to work upon at the bottom
of this we'll When ii is completed the
water will be pumped into gigantic
tank, which, being elevated above the
ground on scaffolding, will give sufficient
gravity to send water in any direction
for miles With the completion of this
well Wilmington and San Pedro will
have an assured supply of water for all
time. Pipes are laid to the wharf at San
Pedro, so that vessels can take water
with greater ease and without trouble
The cost of this monster well will not be
less than $1,000 or $4,000.
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
a Pittsburg Episode.

The mayor of P.ttsburg has decided to
to enforce several old ordinances reuuir-
ing the givers of entertainments to pay
tribute to the city treasury. One regu-
laticn of this sort calls for $40 pen week
from each of the theaters. Inasmuch as
he regards the ordinances ass unjust and
,mwise, and will enforce them only to
produce di&ussion to effect their repeal.
he appears II the HIGHT OF a friend, rather
than an enemy, TO the dramatic l,rofes-
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
4 -. =. Fl ! =. =. ,n.,A.,....--.;.l /,

"T--III IVNt N'k- MO, sept. tt, IS1V.
/. l have sbeen using Hop Bitters, and
have received great benefit from them
for liver complaint and malarial fever.
They are superior 30 oil Other medicines
:. p NJ. BARNES.
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
Too Many snnk,s.

Among the creatures which attracted
Prot. .Haeckel's attention during n ,ccent
tour in Ceylon was the great black scor-
pion- nearly foot nv--whieh he found
TO exist IN such numbers that ne collect
ed half dozen specimens in the course
oil an hour. Snakes were also noticed in
great abundance. Siender green snakes
hung from almost every bow, and at
night the great rat snake hunted rats and
mice over the roofs Of the huts Although
these rat snakes are harmless, Prof.
haeckel considers it by no means q
pleasant surprise when one Of them, five
feet, long, suddenly drops through hole
IN the roof into ones Joens perhaps
alighting ON the bed. BNfe
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23

He is next TO the gods whom reason,
and not passion, repels; and who, after
weighing the facts, can measure the pun
ishment with discretion. 2" "' = ..r'
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23

Ii you count the sunny and cloudy
-. Ssys i, Of the l,. whole year. you wihand that
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23

Did you ever see a she fly2r
x'Go out of herel" screamed the old
lnay so loud that the boy beat shasty re-
treat VI never saw such fool child in
my life. He gives me the fidgets., IH
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23

Nothing is more dangerous than a
friend without discretion; even prudent
enemy is preferable.
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23
" THE OLD UN."
Young Mulkittle Has n Tilt with His
Grandmother and Gives Her the
Fidgets.
Arkansaw Traveller.

Arksnssw Traveller.
Old Mrs. Hingleson, Mrs. Mulkittle'
mother, is spending few days with her
daughter, having come from distant
town upon receiving dispatch from Mr..
Mulkittle, stating that the "little stranger
had made his appearance. Why Mrs.
IIiggleson's visit did not antedate that of
the little stranger" a distinction which
grnndmothers enjoy, is not Known nor
will we attempt to explain. However, it
was the old lady's intention to be present
at the time of the strangers arrival, for
when she came and took the little fellow
in her arms, she chuckled over him and
said something about his not waiting for
other people and that it wasn't his fault
if folks did make miscalculations in this
wicked world. The old lady had not
been long in the house until young Null
kittle made himself odious in the sight of
her aged eyes. While sitting in the fam
lily room, she was suddenly startled by the
cat. The animal bounded into the room
and raced around, but not so rapidly,
however, that the old lady failed to at
once perceive her spectacles dangling from
the tail of the excited feline. The old
lady dived after the cat and finally Sc
cured the spettacles, whose glasses had
been shattered against the round of
chair Young Mulkittle unfortunately
entered at that moment.
"You miserable little scoundrel !" ex-
claimed the old lady, in great agitation
what made you tie my specks to the
cats tail. Pm going to make your paw
whip you, sir; mind if don't"
II didn't 20 to do it,"
Don't you tell story, sir"
81 had the specks and let 'cm fall an
the string got tangled on the cats tail
an"
"That'll do, sir. Shame on you to treat
your poor old gran'maw that way. |
don't see why your paw don't teach you
something. You act exactly like heath
en-"
"What is a heathen?'
"A cannibal, that's what"
whats that"
''It's bad people that eats folks"
uOn l eat 1OIKS.
''But you will if you keep on"
How keep on?"
Don't behave better"
"Do heathens eat boys?"
"Yes, they do"
AN girls?"
"Yes."
"Do they eat old women?"
"Yes."
Tell me about 'em."
II won't. Now there"
"Why won't you?"
Because don't want to. Now there"
Now where?"
Now there, sir"
Did you ever see heathen?"
"Yes."
WAS he in q show?'
"Yes."
did he try to eat your
mo"
"Why didn't he?"
flush. SIR
The boy laughed and the old woman
said "The laughter of fools is like the
cracking of thorns under pot"
'Do thorns crack under pot?"
yes, the Bible says So"
"Do they crack under bucket"
Il toll you to hush, sir" -,
"Dld the crown of thorns Peter wore
crack under pot?" ~ 7.,.p\S3
Peter didn't wear y crown,of thorns."
"Did Paul?"
.'No, it was Christi,
Did you ever see crown of thorns?"
"No."r ""gf-..
"Do you want to see one?s -
sDidn't l tell you to hrshr'
rs she bear beathen2n
"No." Et
But two she bears come daten the
woods an eat forty children" i
Yes, and you oughtto have been one
Of them" skt t
''Did you ever see she bear7o
"Yes" -.EE4!R III ..
nDiI NnI nunr COO n rl,.. Il ..on Ii
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23

To cure earachc, take pinch of black
pepperf put it in a piece Of black cotton
eatting dipped in sweet oil, and place in
the ear, ne q bandaee arouad the head,
and il will give almost instant relief.
The Osceola times., 1882-12-23

DO you never look at yourself when
you abuse another person?
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1882-02-02
FIRE AT FREDERICvILLE.

On Friday last, at noon, as several
were waiting for the down train at
f'redericville (Which, fortunately, was
a half hour iate) it was discovered that
the new residence of G. w. Wight was
on fire.
The alarm was instantly given, and
those at the station, and Others from
the stores and hotel, fastened to the
rescue. The fire was i'm the rear ex-
tension, over the kitchen, causing
masses of smoke to issue from the roof.
but no blaze in sight. A ladder was
quickly obtained, men mounted to the
roof and cut through it, while others
broke through the wall inside. and
from above and below drenched the
smoking mass with water. Between
the plastering and siding at the south
end OF the building the fire was work
ing fiercely, and as soon as the walls
were broken through burst out into a
fierce blaze, showing that in few min
utes more it would probably have been
beyond control.
When the train arrived, and our in
tormant the Rev. Mr.. Putnam) left.
the fire appeared to be under control.
and large number of persons busily
engaged in subduing it.
The house was fine one. built and
occupied last fall 1t sustains. at best.
considerable damage from axes and
water, in reaching the danger. Mr..
Wight was from home at the time. and
had it occurred either an hour sooner
or later, while the men of the village
were away at work, probably it would
have been impossible to save it.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1882-02-02
FREDERICVILLE.
Correspondence Of the Avalanche.

Correspondence Of the Avalanche.
Mrs. Chamberlain is quite sick.
Getting out telegraph poles is en-
gagged in to quite an extent at our sta
ton
We notice the return to our midst of
VIM. Pray and wife, and also of John
Davis.
G. w. Wight is outside" under
medical treatment. lie has been i'm
poor health for some time.
+. l.. Barker has been at home fora
day or two, but soon returns Ia the ex-
tension, for an indefinite period.
BY the number of saw logs being
hauled to the vicinity of the saw mill
by our citizens, we would imagine there
will be considerable building going ON
here in the spring
NJ. s. Dilley has built a small barn
for the sheltering of his steetls. and we
would like TO see him finish his house
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1882-02-02

and take unto himself partner OF hi.
joys and sorrows and become one AZ
our first families.
DIR, Derby reports the death from
exposure and exhaustion of Brewster
Roy, aged seventeen, and serious in =
jury to ayounger brother, aged twelve.
occasioned by laying out last THURSDAY
night, by getting lost while on hunt
To those i'm search of homes, W.
would recommend them to look at the
fine hardwood timbered lands of onr
township. Our school section at r.
per acre is only partly bought up, and
the land is as good if not better thar
any in the township.
Our little village has lately had two
cases of what might have been confia-
grations but for the prompt efforts of
neighbors. The new house of G.. w.
Wight was damaged to some extent,
and the other was the section house,
occupied by the section foreman. Mr.
Courtright. Caught in the roof. n"
serious damage.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1882-02-02

DIR. .. Palmer went out to his
ranch in Grove township last Friday,
and returned again Tuesday. He re-
ports meeting with INC" the AVA
LANcHE's former localizer. He SAYS
Nc is as 80 fat as a match" as Jolly
as an "old bachelor" and having fine
success with his school. Any man
that can "shove n pencil as good as
Nc. can certainly ''shove the rod. -
On Friday, 9th ult. at Forest, the
locomotive attached to the freight train
OF which Mr. Mart. Shannon is con
ductor, met with nisLap which de
prived her of her headlight and pilot.
1t seems, as we understa. d he case
that the conductor was ut ll,e switch.
and that he wanted to run his train i'm
onto the side-track at slow speed. as
there were other cars standing on the
track. Mr.. John McMullen. the en-
glneer, in some way or other got the
''~e' 'iioh iiiV NdIlIeU MN To
make n running switch, that is,
run the ears onto the side-trac while
the engine itself would run onto the
main-aLd accordingly, when the con
ductor signalled him to come ahead.
Mr. McMullen put on full head of
steam. but instead of his engine going
onto the main track as expected il fol.
lowed the sidetrack. lie immediate
ly reversed his engine and shut the
throttle, but too late to keep her from
bunting into one of the flat cars
which were standing on the track. The
carof course received severe shock"
and viii not probably recover" for
some time TO come The locomotive
went down the road Friday afternoon
on her way to Jackson, where she will
receive proper " treatment, and will
no doubt he able to be. out again at no
distant day.