davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
HOW 1T REGAIN

II think our minister's wife would
make a good actress said lady ct a
church sociable, "she has such variety
Of accomplishments and can adapt her.
self SO happily to every ones taste"
"What did Mrs. - say?" asked the
person next to the one she had spoken
to; the lady was slightly deaf and an
swered carelessly: 81 didn't quite catch
it; something about a variety actress
who could she have meant?"
"She was talking about our minister's
wife," said the other, with toss OF her
head; $50 that's it, is it? Humph I
always thought she dressed too much
and was too fond of private theatricals.
Good gracious A variety actress !"
And the leading church member gath
cred her flock together and went home.
It took months Of unraveling to clear
that tangled skein, and the innocent
first party to the mistake never knew
that she had been presented to the
mental eyes of half the congregation as
a performer on the tight rope or a
dancer behind the footlights. Of just
such fimsy materials are half the
stories we hear constructed, and, strange
as it may seem, it takes strong wind
of truth to blow them down. Detroit
Post.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
LITERATURE FOR PRISONERS

The prisoners in the Austin Jail re.
quested the iailer not long since to get
them some books to read. The ia:ier.
being kind-hearted man, procured a
mixed lot of old books at an auction
room, and proceeded to divide them out.
while the prisoners were assembled in
the jail yard.
"Here is a book for you," he said,
giving it to man who was in for muir
der. The prisoner looked at it, shook
his head, and handed it back. It was
CDR. Smiths Diseases Of the Throat. u
The next one got o small pamphlet.
lie was in for DEMONSTRATING, but be
thought the iaiier meant something per
sonai, as the title Of the book was
" Hints How to Raise Fine Stock
Still another, who is indicted for rob
bling the mail, got copy of the ''Postal
Guide, while gentleman who is ac-
cused OF initiating another's signature
drew Glow to Write Good Hand in
Ten Lessons.
They handed the books back to the
jailer, and said they preferred a bunch
OF old exchanges, as then they could pick
out the items they wanted to read
Texas SJyinga.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
P4YlNG THE DOCTOR.

A stranger iourneying in France fell
sick unto death; his friend called in g.
physician, who demurred about giving
his professional services, fearing the
wherewithal might not be forthcoming
to settle his bill.
The friend, producing a 100-franc bill,
said: "Kill him or cure him, this is
yours"
The sick man died and was buried.
and the doctor, finding his money slow
to appear, reminded the survivor of the
debt.
"Did you cure him ?" he asked.
"No SIR"
"Did you kill him p
Certainly not"
"Then you have no claim on me, sir;
I wish you good day."
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
SNAKE CHARMERS OF CENTRIL
AMERICA

Three or four months before the cere-
mony the younger men of the village
begin the work of capturing snakes by
means of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS snares.
The more daring make choice of the
most venomous and dangerous species,
and tame them in various ways. using a
rude reed pipe, fan and strip of blan-
kot for the purpose. The snake tanners
are often bitten by their strange pets,
but their knowledge of eficacious anti
dotes almost always protects them from
serious consequences.
On the day Of the ceremony the inhab-
ltants of the village assemble in an in
closure built of poles and reeds. The
chiefs and other notables seat them
selves before kind Of lodge, the en-
trance to which is closed with curtain.
Within is stone idol on rude altar, or
perhaps the wooden image of a saint.
There the snake charmers are also con-
cealed, stripped nearly nude, and await
ing signal from the head chief.
After an interval of solemn silence he
begins low and monotonous chant. to
the accompaniment of drum and rattle.
Gradually the assembly joins in, and
then the charmers issue forth, each with
a snake in his hand or coiled around his
body. They make the round of the in
closure, and then take their places OH
the ground. Each one as be is called
up begins his performances with the
snake be has tanned and trained. Great
mastery over the creatures is exhibited
by these Indians, and the tricks are Oft
en- astonishing.
After all in turn have presented them
selves the chant becomes more lively.
and the charmers assemble in cluster
and suddenly fling the snakes into a
heap, where they lie wrigglingandtwist-
ing themselves into knots. Then each
charmer tries to pick out his own partic-
ular reptile. This is dangerous work.
and they constantly partake of certain
liquid which is supposed to contain q
powerful antidote to snake poison.
At the conclusion Of the games the
charmers retire into the lodge and the
audience rises. A priest sprinkles the
ground with water, facing alternately
the four cardinal points of the compass,
and the ceremony is over.-Harper's
Weekly.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
THE WRONG INFIRMITY.

In a certain Michigan village there
lived, decade since, a man known az
Judge Simpson. No one could remem-
Der OF bis having served in any capacity
to gain the title, but he acquired it
somehow, and had dignity enough for q
whole supreme bench. The Judge was
an eccentric citizen, well liked, but he
had terrible bad breath. No one
would ride with him, few would talk
with him, and everybody wondered why
lie didn't eat onions for a change. No
one had the courage to mention the mat
ter, and yet something must be done Or
the Judge would be ostracised. In this
emergency along came one of the first
tramps ever seen in the State. at the
first house where he called for bite the
man called him in and said:
My friend, are you brave MANI"
"WeD, I never took back seat yet p
"Do you want to earn $2?''
Try me once"
every we'll. You see that white build
ing beside the postoffice? Go up stairs,
turn to the left, and you will find a red
faced, bald-headed man called Judge.
What went you to do is to ask him
why he doesn't chew cloves for his H.
trinity"
"Tn do it."
"That's all. Simply ask the question
and I'll hand you the cash."
The tramp went his way, and the citi-
zen took his station on a street corner.
lie saw the brave man go up. and he
saw him come down. He went up grace
fully enough, but when he came down he
bumped every separate stair, and as he
gathered himself up at the bottom a
boot lifted him clear into the gutter.
He started for the river on dead run,
and never stopped for half a mile.
Then the citizen overlook him and
asked:
"Well, was the Judge IMP"
"He was!"
"And you put the question
'Don't I look as if I did? Say, what
infrmity has he got?"
ga bad breath"
1.-The deuce What fool [ was I
Why, 1 thought his infrmity was in his
feet, and when he gave me that first lift
I was SO taken back that he got in two
ieft-handers on my jaw before I began
to fail! Two dollars Why, I'm dam
aged to the extent of two millions !"-
Free Press.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
P4RASOL ANTS.

OF the parasol ants at Trinidad, a
writer in the London Field says: II the
afternoon, after arriving at the island in
search Of the cashew nuts and fruits, !
found the path leading through the
thick forest IL many places actually
covered with the cashews which had
fallen from the trees on either side. It
Is delicious fruit, sometimes of red
and sometimes of yellow color, with
the kidney-shaped seed on the outside
instead of inside, like other fruits. This
latter it roasted, and is esteemed deli
cacy by many people, but if not care
fully prepared is apt to cause blisters
on the lips. We had no difficulty in
filling our baskets with as many cashews
as we required, and were about return
ing to the boat when one of Mr.. B. s
sons, who had been some little distance
away from us sauntering about in tho
brush, called to me to come back, and,
on going to where he was, he pointed
to what seemed a broad band of moving
leaves right across the path, and, on
looking more closely, saw we had met
with one of those enormous swarms Of
the "parasol" ants which are SO destruct-
i've to plantations in the tropics. They
were crossing from one side of the wood
to the other, and were travelling in a
column of more than foot and half in
width, and, as each insect carried in its
mouth piece of Leaf, which entirely
covered the body, they presented a sin
gular appearance, like Lilliputian
grove in motion, and, although we
watched them for some time, still they
came, their numbers seeming to be in
exhaustible. Nothing can turn them
from their course, and, although they
may be destroyed by the thousands,
enough will swarm upon the intruder
to make him repent interfering with
them. On the mainland of South
America I have known a fruit tree
stripped in single night by a swarm of
these ants.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
a FEMALE CCRBLER.

In Giles county, Tennessee, resides q
widow lady, an invalid, who has not
been able to stand upon her feet or walk
a step in the last twenty years. About
fifteen or sixteen years ago her husband
died. leaving her set Of shoemaker's
tools and little farm with big mort
gage on it, and she borrowed money
enough to buy side of upper leather
and piece of sole leather, and, with
only such knowledge Of shoemaking as
she had gained from binding shoes for
her husband, she commenced to make
shoes, and she has sat upon her bed
from that time {some fifteen or sixteen
years ago. to the present, with her shoe
makers bench beside the bed, and made
and mended boots and shoes.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
BETWEEN THE LE4FES.
BY JOSEPHINE POLLARD.

= took a volume, old and worn,
From 20 the library shelf one day;
The covers were defaced and torn,
And many a leaf had gone astray.
turned the pages slowly Ger
In search of some forgotten truth,
Familiar in the days Of yore
As were the school books Of my youth.
The widowed leaves, the faded print,
Seemed quite inasimate and cold,
As if they meier had been the mint
From which garnered precious gold.
SO duh and colorless the page,
turned and turned, in hopes to find
Something that would restore to age
The freshness of the youthful mind.
AS well, indeed, might essay
Hopes early visions to renew.
Or give unto dead bouquet M
Its former fragrance and its ,iew.
closed the volume with sigh,
As if it were joy entrance door
A bit Of color caught my eye
Just as it futtered to the floor.
Twas bit maple leaf, ali bIotched
With god and crimson, green and brown,
The edges de.icateiy notched.
And perfect stil! from stem to crown;
And when took it il my hand,
This little leaf from maple tree,
AS if it were magic wand,
Brought back vanished youth to me.
lived again those joyful days,
The Old, familiar songs I sung,
And walked again, with sweet delays,
The paths loved when I was young.
Fen as the hues upon the leaf,
Each scene appeared so freshly bright
That al renembrances of grief
Were lost, and faded out of sight
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
ACCOUNTING FOE 4 DEFICIENCY

At the end of the year, when an Ohio
bank cashier could not make his books
balance, the President sat down with
him and said:
"Mr. Symonds, it is evident that you
have made clerical error somewhere. p
"But I have verified my figures over
and over again, protested the cashier.
"Just SO, but yet you have overlooked
the error. According to your books this
bank is $700.22 cents short?"
eyes, sir"
"And according to my private memo
randa you are $4OO trotting horse and
$500 diamond pin ahead; while the
rats probably ate up the % cents,
Please correct the error and furnish 8
clean balance sheet"
MIR. Symonds isn't bank cashier anv
more. His health was so bad that he
had to have outdoor employment.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
THE MAGNIFICENCE OF A NERO


1t was to Nero that Tacitus applied the
expression incredibilium cupilor. What
he not only desired but achieved in the
way of cruelty and vice would be de-
clared incredible if Roman history had
not already shown what revolving atroc-
tiles may be conceived by diseased i'm
agination and executed by irresponsible
power. After the burning of the city
he gratifed his taste, in entire disregard
of the proprietors, in rebuilding it. He
at once appropriated number of the
sites and large portion of the public
grounds for his new palace. The porai-
Goes, with their ranks Of columns, were
a mile long. The vestibule was large
enough to contain that colossal statue
of him, in silver and gold, 120 feet high,
from which the Colosseum got its name.
The interior was gilded throughout, and
adorned with ivory and mother cf-pearl.
The ceilings of the dining looms were
formed Of movable tablets of ivory,
which shed flowers and perfumes on the
company. The principal salon had a
dome which, turning day and night, i'm
itated the movements of the terrestrial
bodies. When this palace was finished,
he exclaimed at last am lodged like
man." His diadem was valued at half q
million. His dresses, which he never
wore twice, were stiff with embroidery
and gold. He fshed with purple lines
and hooks OF gold. He never travelled
with less than LOCO carriages. The
mules were shod with silver, the mule
teers clothed with the finest wool, and
the attendants wore brac alets and neck
laces of gold. Five hundred she asses
followed his wife Popp@a in her pro
crosses, to supply milk for her bath. he
was fond of figuring in the circus as q
charioteer. and in the theater as singer
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10

DURING the recent strike of printers
IN Madrid some Of the papers were un-
able to appear, and others printed only
half-sheets. This state of affairs con-
tlnued for many days-much longer than
it could have done in America, where
the tramp printer is no inconsiderable
element in the floating population. The
announcement Of printers strike in an
American city is followed within twenty
four hours by the advent of weather.
beaten and foot-sore compositors from
all points of the compass.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10

By putting an "r" in the wrong
place Richmond printer made the
editor say Of a scene at the close of a
burial, diseonsolate fends stood rivet-
ed to the sport. The intelligent COM
position left out the letter ed" in a para
graph about a beautiful actress, and
informed the public that "crows flocked
To see her wherever she went"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
STATING TOO LONG.

A young man was telling some of his
acquaintance how he had gone back on
his girl because she was sarcastic, and
they asked him to explain what he
meant. He said that he was spending
the evening with her, and ne noticed
that she seemed to be absent-minded, or
tired, Or something. Along about 2
o'clock in the morning he said she start
ed up suddenly in alarm, and exclaimed,
"My, what is that" He said he told
her he didn't hear anything, and asked
her what it sounded like, and she said
she thought may be it YVES the milk man
coming with the milk. He said that
was too sarcastic, and he would never
go to see her again. Well, probably he
couldn't suit her any better. Some fell
lows overdo the thing entirely, when
they go to see a girl, and nothing Will
break them Of the habit of wearing out
a girl like some sarcastic remark like
that. Sometimes the father of the girl
will come to the head of the stairs and
ask the girl if the morning paper has
come, or if she will not tell her visitor
to cell the hired girl when be gets ready
to go. These things may look to a young
man to be sarcastic, but his conduct
warrants it. There is no girl wko is
well, and wants to keep so, that wants
to sit up all night with an ordinary
young man. She has got to have some
sleep or she is not worth the powder to
blow her up. She can get all the infor-
nation that he has to impart in six or
seven hours, and every hour he stops
after that is dead loss. Some young
fellows never know enough to go. They
speak of it being time to go, about 10
O'Clock, and the girl, to be polite, says,
go, don't hurry away. It is early yet"
and the galloot thinks she means it, and
he goes into camp for few hours more,
and all the time the girl is on nettles.
She wishes the house would take fire, or
that he would be seized with cramp,
SO he would get out. She knows she
will be the laughing stock of the whole
family, and wishes he was in Gehenna,
but he stays as though he was sitting up
with corpse. No girl wants to seem
impolite, and one will yawn behind a
handkerchief, or hitch uneasiy in her
chair, and pray for relief, and when the
slayer does finally go, she viii skip up
stairs three at time and gave sigh of
relief We understand that petition
has been sent to the police. signed by
about 100 girls, asking them to arrest
any young man found on the way home
after II o'clock at night, unless he can
give an account Of himself. Girls ought
to have cheek enough to tell young
man, when he has remained long
enough, that it is time for them to re-
tire, and, if they do not go, call servant
and have a mattress spread on the par
lor floor, and go off and leave the DELHI
crate young man to stay all night if he
wants to. This is written at the re-
quest of a number Of girls who have be
come pale and hollow-eyed from being
kept up until early hours of the morning
by smart Alexis who will know enough
to go home after this.-Peck's Sun.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10

LoNaEELLcw wrote forty-two distinct
works. Many Of them have been trans
lated into thirteen different languages.
The sale Of Longfeilow's works from
1889 to 1867 amounted to 1926, $50 VOL
umes. From 1867 to 1882 there were
sold $4,000 copies of his collected
works, in four different editions. In
1881 more than $4,000 copies Of his
works were sold, and in the same year
$4,000 copies Of the Birthday Book"
edited by Miss Bates. It is estimated
that in Great Britain and ireland not
less than $1,000 OF his books are sold
annually.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
and actor. He prided himself of beino

and actor. He prided himself of being
an artist, and, when his possible depo-
sition was limited to him, he said that
artists could never be in want. There
was not vice to which he was not
given, nor crime which he did not
commit: Yet the world, exclaims Seu-
tonius, endured this monster for four
teen years, and he was popular with the
multitude, who were dazzled by his mag
ni6cence and mistook his senseless pro-
fusion for iberality. On the anniver-
sary of his death, during many years,
they crowded to cover his tomb with
flowers.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10

s,rMoN REIcgARD, his wife, two sons
and two daughters, OF Mauch Chunk,
Pa, weigh together 1,522 pounds, and
claim to be the heaviest family of six in
Pennsylvania. Their several separate
weights are represented to be 245, 235,
900. 222, 200 and 400 pounds.
LET man start out to commit suicide
and on his way to the river be murder
ously assaulted, and he'll fight like q
fend for his lie.-B0ston Post.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10

"FoUR hostile newspaper men," said
the First Napoleon, are more to be
dreaded than 100000 bayonets." Can
it lie that Nap. did not pay for the local
notices he had published, and in which
he was spoken of as cone of our most
genial, etc., etc"
A MEMBER Of the rhetorical class in
certain college had just finished his
defamation, when the Professor said:
"Mr. S do you suppose General
would address his soldiers in the manner
you spoke that piece?" Eyes, sir, 1
do" was the reply, .'if he was half
scared to death, and as nervous as q
cat"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
FIRE HORSE MILK PEDD1ER.

The runaway on Chestnut street Sun
day morning was queer affair, and
wasn't runaway either. It will be re-
membered that number of old horses
that had been used by the fire depart
ment were sold at auction last week.
One of them, sleepy old fellow, was
sold and traded around until he got into
the hands of man who peddled milk.
The old horse thought he had struck
something that just suited him in his old
age, and he trotted along with the milk
wagon as handily as possible, and the
German peddler, who did not know any
thing Of the former employment Of the
tire horse, smoked his pipe in peace, and
emptied bis milk in pitchers as though
there was no care on his mind. Sunday
morning the German was delivering
some alleged milk into girls tin recep-
tacle on Chestnut street, when the iro
bell struck 317. The old horse simply
raised his fore feet in the air and mad,
one jump before the old man could pub
up on the reins, when the beast WAS
stopped. We presume there never was
more astonished German in the world
than this one. The milk man
was covered with spilled milk,
and looking over his shoulder at
his customer he found that he had emp
tied quart of milk on her neck, and it
was seeking its level, while she was look
ing at a broken pitcher on the sidewalk
and swearing at the milk man in English
that was nearly as badly broken as the
pitcher. By the time the peddler got
the horse quoted the fire engine and
hook and ladder truck and hose cart
came across the bridge, the alarms ring
ing, and the crowd yelling, and then it
was that the old hose horse hitched to
the milk wagon began to smell wooden
burning. He started up Chestnut street
on a run, the milk wagon rafting, and
the German trying to hold the horse
with one hand while he kept six milk
cans right side up with the other hand
and both legs. Going over the first
crossing q milk can jumped into the air
and came down bottom side up into the
Germans lap, and he fairly Aoated in
milk, while he yelled " Whoa Go for
DANA s1aimneel," or something of that
nature. The milk wagon kept ahead OF
the engine, and at every stroke of the
bell the old horse gave an extra jump,
until he arrived at the store from which
the smoke proceeded, when he turned
the milk wagon up to g hydrant on the
corner and stopped so quick that the
driver went over the dashboard with O.
milk can pounding him in the ear. The
rest Of the fire apparatus stopped at
convenient points, and the old horse
looked over his shoulder as much as to
say to the other fire horses, "You
thought old Tom was played out, but I
notice his flag is still there, and he can
teach some of you green colts thing or
two about fire department. The old
German got out and wiped the milk
out of his neck, set the cans right side
up, kicked the horse in the stomach,
and as saloon keeper looked at the
hydrant and asked the old man if he was
going to water his milk, the peddler got
in his wagon, and drove off to find the
girl with milk in her hair and said !:
Well, I tink dot old horse vos a crank
He yoost act crazy ven a red-headed
girl coomes out NIT pitcher for milk"
-Peck's Sam.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10

OSCAR WILDE does not think much Of
American humor, and we do not won-
der. 1t takes brains to appreciate
American humor, because American
jokes are not interspersed with italics
and quotation marks, and followed by a
long explanation, showing where the
laugh ought to come in.-Fhilaaelphic
Ne,Cs.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1882-12-10
he DIDN'T WANT THAT KIND OF 4
BIRD.

what have you that's good?" said a
hungry traveller, as he seated himself at
table d'hote at a Salt Lake City hotel.
"Oh," said the waiter, we've roast
beef, roast mutton, roast pork and
broiled curlews."
Whats curlew?" said the traveller.
"Why understanding like snipe."
"Could it fy?"
Eyes"
did it have wings?"
"Yes"
"Then don't want any curlew. Any
thing that had wings and could fly and
didn't leave this country, don't want
for my dinner" Hotel Mail.