The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1882-11-17
VARIETIES.

AT a recent railroad dinner, In compli-
ment to the legal fraternity, the toast was
| given: can honest lawyer, the noblest work
of God" but an old farmer in the back part
of the hall rather spoiled the effect by adding,
in loud voice, "And about the scarcest."
The inexpert huntsman having missed
five cartridges in succession, blazes away at
sixth and cries exultantly to the gamekeep-
er: "There; hit him! / saw the feathers
| fly Didn't they?'
The Gamekeeper-"Yes, sir they flew
they flew off with the bird?
Not exactly quenched: "You know l
am member of the fire department" said
| Briggs, land if find your young spark in
the house it will be my duty to put him out"
"But father" replied his daughter, eff you
do like as not l shall have new flame with
in week." Biggs limbered up Immediately.
How boy rebuked druggist: "Please
tell me what the time 2" asked little boy
OF an apothecary, who was much troubled by
such inquiries.
"Why, told you the time but moment
ago." snapped the apothccary.
"Yes, sill" said the boy "but this is for
another woman"
Unnecessary substitution: why DIDN'T
you deliver that message as l gave it to
your asked an Austin gentleman of his
stupid servant. 81 did de best / could, boss"
you did the best you could, did you ?" imi-
tating his voice and look. So you did the
best you could If had known that was
sending donkey would have gone myself"
Response of a gilded youth to one of his
friends who has just announced formally bis
approaching marriage: II should like to be
able to congratulate you both, but see, as /
do not know the lady can't conscentiously
congratulate you, while as do know YOU
| can't conscientiously congratulate the
lady"
"A prisoner who had been convicted at least
dozen times, is placed at the bar. your
honor, should like to have my case post
poned for week. My lawyer is ILL.," "But
you were captured with your hand in this
gentleman's pocket. What can your coun-
sci say in your defence?" Precisely so,
your honor That is what am curious to
know
"A young lawyer appointed to defend
prisoner dressed in sailors costume, addressed
the jury very pathetically in behalf of "this
child ofthe sad sea waves-this nursing ofthe
Storm At the close of his remarks it was
discovered that his client was cook on a
canal car boat, and had formerly peddlcd fish,
The "child of the sad sea- waves was sent up
for six months
The body ola Western outlaw was found
the other day with bullet through his head.
In one hand was a pistol and the other
card bearing the words: "Bury me deep and
put over my grave pine slab with the sim
gle word Fool in big letters" This request
was followed. He is supposed to have been
the leader of the gang which not long ago
stopped special train containing an editori- |
al excursion.
Medical etiquette: A German paper has |
rather good story about lady who, not |
feeling rs well as she liked, went to consult |
physician. well said the DOCTOR after look |
ing at her tongue, feeling her pulse and AJAX |
ing her sundry questions, II should advise |
you-yes, | should advise you-ahem Ito |
get married" "Are you sin gle, doctor ?" in |
quired the fair patient, with significant vet |
modest smile 81 am, mein Fraulein but it |
is not etiquette, you know, for physicians to |
take the physic they prescribe"
=, did you have anything on exhibition at |
the fair this year?' asked the farmers city |
friend
yes, somewhat" he slowly answered.
Did you get any premiums ?"
"N.no not yet" family replied the granger.
why, what's the trouble?" sympathizing-
ly said the young man.
"Wa'al, I'll tell you sir. You see,
! had some fine oats at the fair and the
Jockeys took EN- for horse feed; the old |
woman had fancy bed-quilt there, but the
rascals used it for horse blanket; Sue had
some canned fruit there and the Judges ate
1t up for desert one day | kicked up a row
and the managers said they would give me
diploma; so that's what I'm waiting for"