Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1882-09-08

AT all to the latter,
lie used 1t without paying penny.
the BATHER
Sow the bather gayly stands
On the shining ocean sands,
In the sun
And the very dainty clocking
On her blue or scarlet stocking
TANKS the bun.
she lmaglnes 1t divine
Nheh she nOats upon the brine
Like a rose
But she's mad that night when feeling
All the cutlclt that'5 petng
On her nose.
young married man, whose house rent
is paid by his mothcr.in-law, aludes to her
as his darling payment
Green! An, green, shall ever he
VI All hues the hue for me
-Fdncis 4 ShdB in BDsiOn TranscriDf
You are frank, Francis
1t is reported that Barnum has made au
oiicr to Oscar Wilde for the latter to sit on
top OF Jumbo and ride in the street process
Sons If, iNtoad Of Wilde sitting on the
Jumbo were to sit on Wilde, the
result would be more Satisfactory to the PEG.
pie, and it wouldn't hurt Jumbo much,
"Wll you look there" said young mem.
Der OF the bar, pointing, with laugh, to
burly granger whohad stepped on piece of
orange peel, and sluted the pavement after
the usual fashion. "Ah, yes. :" replied his
legal companon-"a rustic set-cc."
we bayc several appropriate and attrac-
tive cuts of the contest, as the two iustrat.
Ell pugilists said, when they emerged from
the ring, and delivered themselves I'D to
their seconds to have their little noses
wiped.
PA, asked Whitehall Miss of her par
ent, ''can anything alter any letter in the
alphabet "Oh, certainly" replied the
wretchcd man, didn't you ever hear that
circumstances can alter X. Sis" And the
poor girl tainted.
This is the last day of vacation, when the
small boy will aiise with the first pink blush
of cockcrow and delyc patiently for the early
worm, which he will consign to yellow en-
velope, sealing the same with the roots of
his tongue He will then go through the
form Of eating his breakfast, and HE him
away to the river side, where all day long
he Will sit upon the overhanging bank, in the
sun, pointing toward the horizon with an
alder wand, till the bank gets tired. and lets
him slide gracefully into the shallow tide.
At shutdown he will return, moist and happy
us Il clam, with two minnows and bull-frog
"a ug O in I ln ,ira, bat
of his pantaloons, and couple Of fish-hooks,
with curtaied lines, depending gracefully
from the scat thereof. And yet he will de-
clare that if paradise were an eternal Satur-
day he should like to be an angel and with
the angels stand,
A. has an new overcoat for which he paid
SIS, aud his wife trades it off for two red
clay busts of Andrew jackson, worth thirty
cents each How much money will she get
from her husband to buy Fall bonnet p
Detroit Free Press.
a candidate met Uncle Nose on Austin
avenue and said to him: BE sure to come
to the ward meeting tonight and bring all
your neighbors with you you kin Jess bet
dey will come along with me, or | stay home
myself. Oar wouldn't be a chicken let in
my coop if was ter 90 to dc ward meotin
and luif dem nabors at home. TENS SIT
ings.
PA" asked little Johnny, what doe,
the teacher mean by saying that must have
inherited my bad temper 'She meant,
Johnny, that you are your mothers own
boy."-AHidnce.
The Burlington Harkeye tells of u heart
broken widower at Waterloo Iowa, who
erected pine slab over his wite's grave, and
presented handsome piano TO the young
lady who was so very kind to him during his
very sad aiilicton.
If through spells thru. why don't trough
spell tru and blougl, blu, and CROUCH, cru,
and nough, nu, and tough tuf If it takes
phthisis to spell tsis and sigh to spell 81, why
don't phthipsgh spell tipsy and phthlsh-
slough, tssu, and if a Chinaman can pro-
nouncc the punches of .crawls on tea chest,
why is not the same kind of writing goughd
eeuoughphfc phtforr us?-Rescue.
Courage Suffering sisters" exclaimed
the speaker, cnergetically shaking the hair
pins from her head in her excitement, "wo-
men will never obtain their rights until they
display more courage. Let me say to you,
in the words Of French orator, Courage
courage. courage - At this stage of the
proceedings somebody threw box of cater
pillars upon the platform, and the meeting
broke up in great terror and confusion. -
Brooklyn Eagie.
They were in the steeple of Trinity church,
yesterday, looking down upon the objects
that seemed but tiny specks below, when he
exclaimed Say, Sal, what dyer s'spose I'd
look like, if | should jump down on that ere
street, Sal slowly remarked; why,
you'd look as if some fellow had expectorat-
ed on the sidewalk. ~. y. com. .idr
Young Gardener wants 10 know where
all the water in the watermelon comes from,
especially in a dry season. Don't you know
| they always plant watermelons in the Spring
| Away, slight man, for harder one.-Bur-
HngtOn Hd,rktyt.
III it were customary in this country to
confer titles upon individuals of rank in liter
ature," asked shallow but conccited jour
nalist of an old one, what would he p
Barren of ideas, my son." was the re.
sponsc.-C Cincinnati Saturday Night
Nothing" said an impatient husband,
$50 reminds me of Baaam and his Ass as
two women stopping in church and OBJ
structing the way, to indulge in their ever
lasting talk" But you forget, my dear,
retoitcd the wife, meekly, THAT it was the
angel that stopped in the way, and Bsaam
and his ass who complained OF it.
One of the mistakes Of lugersoll was his
putting $50 900 into mining stock, which he
could buy now for $4,000. II will be remem.
ber,d that Moses never made any mistakes
about mines. - Exchange.
AT Montreal a thief went into the hall OF II
hotel while the borders were at supper and
gathered up all the hats. lie was making
his way out, when a boarder, little behind
time came in and asked him what he was
about. "Oh,' says the thief, I'm taking
the gcntlemen's hats around to Leary's to GET
smoothcd." Well" replied the boarder
take my hat, too" Certainly, sir" said
the accommodating thief, and vanished. -
!