Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-07-20
NEWSPAPER WIT.

a young lady being asked where her ma
tive place was, replied: Z" l have none
am the daughter of Methodist minister"
Mr.. Editor-Yyill you please answer who
was "David's wife's mOtherT' and you
will greatly obhge @ reader. - Lizzie.
Certainly, with pleasure. David's wife's
mother was David 'smother.in-law. / Phila-
delphia News,
A Cleveland woman inquiries, through
the Leader, if the day will ever como when
lady can go about that city unmolested
by the Sunday saloon patrons. Don't wait
for it. Come to Detroit, where they get
so drunk that they can't bother anybody.
detroit Free Press.
In England Fisst Son Of Albion -
Ave you seen the news from Hamerics p
Second S. of A" No; Hi 'aven't 'ad the
hopportunity to read hanything to-day"
F. S. A" Wy, sir, that bloody Hirish.
man, Davitt, has got there, and the
Hamerieans were SO Indignant that e was
hactually driven to is 'otei !''-[LouisvilIe
Courier Journal.
This world il full OF disappointments,
Only think how wretchedly Maggie Mitchell
must feel Here she has beer playing
Fanchon for little less than half
century and just IS she gets ready to re.
tire, digitated hose come in fashion. How
she must suffer when she reflects upon how
much more effective she might have made
the shadow dance if people could only have
seen her cunning little toes "-tFolio.
She was decked in faunting jewelry, and
as she sat occupying double room in the
car she looked the perfect picture of self.
sufficiency, selfshneFs and cheek. A bluff.
looking gentleman, evidently from the rural
districts halted abreast Of her seat, but
she did not deign to move. He gave her a
searching glance, looked at the rings, and
then remarked to the nearest gentleman,
"They wear em in the snout out in
Ohier !'-[ Boston Transcript.
In his " A Modern Instance" now run
ming ill The Century, Howells is trying to
make very realistic sketch of bad Bos-
ton newspaper man, but he has plunged
into wild improbability in his July INSTALL
ment by getting his hero blind drunk on
thIea-ouly three-"'hos Scotches." Why,
Mr.. Howells, even good newspaper man
can carry more than that--snd n bad Bos-
ton newspaper man certainly ought to
treble the number. II Buffalo Express.
A Wisconsin woman kept silent for az.
teen years to spite her husband. 1t was
cruel joke to play on her spouse, but he
doesn't deserve much sympathy. He might
have broken her silence and converted her
into a twenty minutes session of won.
ans right convention, 60 to speak, by sim.
ply letting her surprise him in the act of
kissing the servant girl in the dining.room.
1t may be barely possible, however, that he
preferred quiet in the house. Some mar
ried men do, we've been told-[The Judge.
A man may be as sure footed as a goat
but when he is standing up in a Broadway
stage, with an umbrella In one hand and
the other in the lining Of an old vest try.
ing to fsh out a five-cent piece. and the
stage lurching around go that at any mo.
ment he expects TO be deposited in a cor.
palent lady's lap or sent head-frst through
the door-theD, oh, then, docs his sure.
footedness avail him 30 little that be is
worse off then when on skates for the frat
time. Pack.
81 wonder where Smith was last night 7"
said Mrs. S, in sort Of half solil0duy.
"I know, ma" exclaimed Johnny che
went to the cirous" What do you mean,
child ," asked Mira. Smith "there is no
circus here now" "Ob, yes, there must
be, ma, GAUGE heard pa tell man that
he was fighting the tiger nearly all night"
Mrs. S. says "Oh:' 10 threatening man
ner and looks daggers. There will be
circus in town when Smith comes homo
to- night. Il Boston Transcript.