News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-08-10
WIT IND WISDOM.

lows being kicked off front port1cos Dy
enraged parents, We can't help Wonoei
ing what sort OF time he had Waen L"
was courting. Boston Post.
Two brothers who were very success
full dentists built large and hanoSolno
house, the appearance OF whion wa
thought to resemble large moiar 'oC'n.
It was common remark, "See wha'
brothers can do when they pull TO-
gether -
The dog and the baby: Mrs. Brown
-" Now, are you sure you have all Inc
needs for the journey? His cup aru
Lis pillow, his saucer for milk, and me
biscuit ?" Maid-"Oui, madame. anu
then with a relapse into broGre' az"
some anxiety can how about 'ne
baby, mumP" Mrs. BON, mex
father has her. It is as much as l eau
do to lock after Biiou. Our Co''''-
aesat.
A coME-DowN: Lady customer: "WhaS
are the strawberries to-day ?" Irsoes-
man (who thinks he has grand oroer)'
"Two shiiiingsa 9 basket, madam, Lacy
customer: "And what are the beans
Tradesman: ''Three and six the bundle,
madam" Lady customer: 'fWel, ahemi
like parsley when it's fresh, so you can
send bit every day, and when 1t comes
to pennyworth just put it down 70
me-" Tableau.
"I WAS with Grant" said the bare-
headed stranger at Long Branch.
"Ah," interrupted kind man, 'you
arc veteran of the late war, and need
money to buy Loaf of bread." "Nc,
no." continued the stranger; Get -es
with Grant. He was pulled out OF the
wrecked car first, and confound him ne
walked off with my hat r'-Ne'0 or
leans Picaylne.
TrxrUA1-"-'s Business College
and monographs Institute, Union
Square, New York, Oct. %, 1881. Drs.
-. Sirs have now been using
your Compound Oxygen -horne treat
ment-about six weeks, for trouble
some and very disagreeable catarrh.
which was fastened on me by sleeping
for years in q cold room, with NY feet
out one window and my head out Of the
other p
AN eccentric old gentleman who had
married his second wife, q. hoydenish
young creature, entertained a party OF
gentlemen one afternoon and was much
chagrined by the non-appearance Of his
girlish spouse. Upol inqniring he as
certained that she was in the garden,
and thereupon invited bis guests ont TO
be introduced to her. AS they arose to
accept the invitation, his son, lad OF
fourteen, exclaimed: "Don't DO it, dad!'
"Why not" ne asked, angriiy. "Be-
cause" returned the boy half apologet-
ically, "she's up cherry tree. Brook
Ign Eagle.
ST CALLED to see, nam, If you feel
called upon to contribute to the evan
gelization of the Navajoes ?" said
quiet. looking man at the door of New
Haven mansion. "Are you one of 'em p
was the inquiry. ''No, indeed, nam, L
am not. Do I look like Navaio?' and
he put on stern countenance. "How
do I know but you do never saw
Navajo" The quiet-looking man, struck
with the force of the woman's logic, de-
parted, and the next time he was on the
street he wore high silk hat and very
tight trousers. He wasn't to be mis-
taken for Navajo again.-NeaO HaUeH
| Register,
TEXAS sIFTING5.
THE census shows that the number OF
| persons IN a family in the United States
is q small fraction over five. In some
families we know the husband is thC
small fraction over.
AN OLD citizen OF Austin, returning
to his home from banquet, meets
another old citizen of Austin coming
from the opposite direction. 'Tsh
thish the avenue ?" asked No. l. GLOW
should I know. wash at she banquet
myshelf."
"YoU miserable little ignorsmus, you
have not got particle of capacity" said
an Austin school teacher to Ii tile Johnny
Fizzletop, adding, "What will become
of you when you grow up? How will
YOU earn your saIt?' 'T dunno-teaoh
school, I reckon" Whack Whack
Whack
"REPEAT the names Of the FIVE
senses" said an Austin teacher to a
rather dull boy. Hearing, seeing,
tasting, smelling" "What Is the name
of the other sense ?" st forget" The
teacher said he would refresh the boys
memory, and he did so with a strap.
CHOW, what is the name of the fifth
sense ?'' The boy felt himself carefully
and sobbed "Feeling, sir, feeling !"
The FizzIetop family, including
Johnny, were invited to tea q. the Me-
Dade mansion, on Austin svenue.
"Have another cake, Johnny p 'Yes
nam, I'll take two or three" he replied,
gathering in about seven cakes; ''nn
told me to eat heartily, SO you all
wouldn't suspect we only had one meal
day at home. Please gimme some
more preserves end another piece OF
chicken breast"
AN editor is reported to have visited
Cincinnati recently, who, for comforts
sake, purchased pair of secondhand
boots, good as new, which fitted him to
perfection. He determined upon trac-
ing the boots to their original owner,
with view OF getting duplicate last,
upon which thenceforth he proposed to
have his boots built. With the intelli.
gent persistence peculiar to editors he
soon discovered all about them. They
had once belonged to himself, but had
been bartered by his wife to peddler
for ten-cent motto, "God bless our
hnrna.o and had finally found their waY