News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1882-12-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

JOSH BILLINGS says: "Next to
clear conscience for solid comfort comes
an old shoe"
A JEwELER advertises that he has some
precious stones for disposal, adding that
''they sparkle like the tears of young
widow"
FASHION now DEGREES that a bridal
tour need not last over three days, and
some one says ''most any sort of q
couple can remain within doors that
long"
IT is not good to take tea in the mid
die of the day. The man who tried it
in Park Place Grocery store, when he
thought the clerk was not looking, is
our authority.
81 WILL register for another piece OF
pie, ma, F" said an rrchin. My son, you
have cast one thoughtless ballot OF pie
down your throat already. There shall
be no stufing the digestive bauot-box IN
this family" and the little fellow hung
around the supper-polls without avail.
SIR FLETCHER NORTON, whose want OF
courtesy was notorious, happened, while
pleading before Lord Mansfield on some
question of manorial right, to say my
Lord, can illustrate the point in an III
stant in my own person. L myself nave
two little manners" "We all know 1t,
Sir Fletcher" the Judge interposed, with
one of his blandest smiles.
BEGGARs are artless creatures as well
as unfortunate. When one of them
sought aims of us, saying he was poor
scholar, we asked him a question III
Latin. 81 don't understand you" he
responded. But thought you were
poor scholar ?" $50 I am. I'm an nw-
fully poor scholar, for don't know any
thing" was the reply, as he slouched
away
A VERY exacting landlord makes his
tenants "come to time " on the day the
rent becomes due, and will only relax his
stern degrees when a handsome woman
is in the question. Not long since he
called for his rent of a very worthy me-
chanic, who, by the way, rejoices In the
possession of very pretty little wife.
! The husband was not at home when Shy
lock called, and he was enchanted with
the pretty little wife of the tenant. She
could not liquidate the amount due, but
the landlord, becoming really enamored,
told her he would give her a receipt in
full for just one kiss. Sir" said she,
"myself and my husband are very poor
. fol1r rent IIIf
I tell you, sir, we're not so poor that we
can't do our own kissing.
, The following true story Just reaches
us A Jamaica Plain Republican told his
wife a few days before election that ii
Massachusetts went Democratic he should
e leave the State, and added that he mean
L it, too Upon waking the morning afte
: election he remarked that his olfactoI2e
: were not greeted with the usual odor
! from the kitchen, and going to the dooi
he called his wife to inquire the cause,
noting at the same time that preparations
to move were apparently going ON down
stairs. She informed him quietly that
the State had gone Democratic, and he
called savagely for paper that he
might know the worst. 1t was brought
to him. and he was closeted with it for
some time, then coming to the door he
shouted to his wife, "Get the breakfast,
Mary; no matter about moving, there
isn't any place to go to. ."-BoStOn Post
APHoR1sMs FROM THE QUARTERS.
Nigger sleep warm eff his head Iivered up
Norf wind show you de cracks in de house.
Ween you make de jail too nice, you better
strenkin' de hog pen.
Mule don't kick 'cordin' to no rule.
Black sheep hide mighty easy in de dark
Sun trabble slow cross de new-groun's.
Better keep de rocdn-chee in de cabin lof
tell Sunday.
You can't coax de mornin'-glory to clam do
wrong way round de corn-stalk.
Sotday night hep do roomatiz powful.
High-rarnt nigger amt much service at de
log-rollin.
Blind bride can't hide de fodder-stack fun do
can horse.
Corn-cob stopper don't hut de lasses in de
jug.
fier.
Mule don't unnerstan' de wheelborror.
Smart rabbit go home TO de snow done
fallin'.
Dead limb on de tree show itsef when de
buds come out
De new groun's is de bes yard-stek to medJer
strange niger by
Dribn de steers wild mule-talk is nnSh
way your bref.
Tin plate don't mind drapprn on de no.
Cussin' de weather is mighty po' farmin.'
De preacher need heap mo- grace when he
won't pray for rain tell de wind git right
1t takes heap o licks to dribe nail IN de
dark.
Good signs O. rain don't always hep Ge
young crap.
Books don't tell when de bee-martin an de
chicken-hawk fell out.
Don't take too big a chip on saplin.'
De public road aint free fur de rattlesnake.
De plow-pint is close kin to de meal-bag.
Dars some fae's in de wul' dat don't slide
| long on de telegraph-wire.
j A. Macon, IN the Century.