Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1882-09-27
II Was of no Use.

I
Loud was candidate for Congress.
1t was not at the prospect that Mr..
Loud would be nominated that we re-
joiced, nor was it in expectation that
any candidate in particular would
likely be nominated that we were
joyful, but it was, as we then
plainly stated, because Mr.. Loud was
an eminent and distinguished minister
of the gospel, and that he preached
as he went through the district cleo
pioneering, and we hoped that his
preaching would do great good. We
then, in our feeble way, pointed out
the need Of such service to the Re
publican party Of this district, and
hoped that the campaign might be
long, in order that the aforesaid Re
publicans might long enjoy the bene-
fit of the reverend gentleman's minis
trations. We hoped for too much,
we were totally deceived by decep-
ton which we innocently practiced on
ourselves, and we humbly beg pardon.
The campaign came on. Mr.. Loud
preached and prayed and seemed to
do his part well enough. He was ell
equent. He was sincere. He was
earnest. He was diligent. He was
constant, and he was tireless. But,
alas, his labor was fruitless. His seed
fell in stony places, it did not grow,
even the hawks and kites did not de-
your it. But no crop of good will
come forth from these labors Of this
husbandman in the Lords vineyard.
We have been dumbfounded ever
since the convention. We are stunned.
The fat around our ribs is soft as "the
summer breezes are" and it is with n
feeble hand that we now trace these
few lines of apology. We have
thought the matter over, or at least
we have tried to think the matter
over, and in extenuation Of our of
Tense we will say: We then supposed
that Gods grace was, like the showers
from heaven, that they descended on
the just and unjust alike, and as the
showers would wet and soften the
hardest soil, we supposed that the min
istration of the gospel would effect
hardest hearts Of men, and here was
our mistake. We own it. We do
not deny it. We were awfully de-
ceived. On the morning when the
convention assembled on looking over
the profiles Of the various delegates,
we felt strange sensation stealing
over us it was n sort of horrid fear
that our last ten cent piece, the total
assets of our eXchequer was not safe,
and more careful scrutiny Of the
aforesaid physiognomies satisfied us
that preaching the gospel to the Bay
and Alpena delegations was fooing
away time; it was medicine fit for
babes and stockings only, but to the
grim and stalwart delegates, it lacked
strength; it was like rain water instead
Of whiskcy at a wake. Why these
fellows looked as if they eat vitrol,
nitric acid and cutlery, and as if they
could make square meal Of dyna-
mite and oleomargerine. All the bap-
tismal waters Of the Jordan would not
wash one toe, and all the sacraments
of religion would be gulped down like
so much toy candy, without exciting
awe or reverence, or even restraining
the utterance of single oath. They
would use the churches for stables, as
Cromwell did, they would use the
skulls of the saints for drinking cups,
and would use the cross for q hitch
ing post. Oh, we made a mistake.
We will never more advise such inc
ficient remedies again. If any would
try to move the hearts Of one Of these
fellows he must use stump machine.
If he would impress religious zeal
on their souls he will do it with a Spite
driver. IF he would implant the
grace of God into them he will have
to put it in a 3,000-pound shell and
take shot at them at short range
with the hundred-ton cannon. Thus
may some of them vet be saved.