Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1882-11-11
SATURDAY SMILES.

"How long would It take a man to walk to
the moon!" little Austin boy asked his father.
II dom know. my son; but unless he walked
very slow. think he would get there good
while before the Ohio republicans fool with pro-
hibltion again. "-Terds Sifti,qs.
The New Haven Register asserts that ninety
per cent OF New Workers are provided with
Bibles. 1t is easy enough to account for this
fact. When New Yorker furnishes house
nowadays, he does it by contract. He simply
says want to pay so many thousand dollars;
and the details are left to the contractor.
Otherwise the Bible weaId be omitted.-Rocl-
eo'",r' Post Express.
James Mex, Decatur. H.: please give me
the gross receipts of the Postal department of
the United States for the last fiscal year" We
cannot do it. James. The gross receipts of the
Postal department for the last fiscal year have
been squandered by the voluptuous govern
ment Of the United States in paying post
masters and route agents. and delivery clerks
and the wear and tear on lock boxes: therefore,
we haven't got it to give you. If you feel like
compromising and taking less. let us hear from
you again.-Teras Sitfings.
Literary item: Sitting Bull is a lover of dime
novels. and when he strikes the chapter where
Daredevil Dan surrounds seventeen redskins
Kills eleven Of them and takes the others
prisoners, the smile that covers his swarthy
countenance couldn't be measured with a
twenty-foot tape-line. The scene is so graphic
and real that it makes him think of times
agone, when he lifted scalps for living.-Nor-
ristO,rn Herald.
EN- PAssANT.-Aunt (to small rl)-''What
are you always thinking about, Ida?" Ida
I'm always thinking about nothing auntie.
| never think about anything unless l happen
TO think OF something to think about. - Punch
new reading: Truth is stranger than fish
stOries.-Puck.
1t is good thing to laugh; beasts can weep
when they suffer, but they cannot laugh
Dryden,
1nquisitiveness rebuked: Mistress Co appli-
cant for cooks postion:) ''Why did yon leave
your last place." Applicant: You're very in
quistive, marin. didn't ak you what for yer
last cook left yOu."-Qoiz.
In the way of thanks: Young lady. writing a
love-letter for the Kitchen maid-.'Thats about
enough now. isn't it," Kitchen Madeleine
thing more Miss; just say please excuse bad
spellin' and writin'." - Louiscille- Courier
Journal.
An unreliable man: Look out for him." said
HoStetter McGinnis. referring to q prominent
Austin gentleman. he IL a hypOcrlte and will
play you bad trick some day. Just like he did
me-" What did he do to you:" What did
he do? borrowed ten dollars of him and the
doublcd-dycd scOundrel tried to make me pay
1t back. Look out for him. | tell you, you
can't rely on him.''-Teras Siftings.
'.Pease tell me what the time Isl" asked
little boy OF an apothecary, who was much
troubled by such Inquiries. why. | told YOU
the time but moment ago." snapped the
apothecary. YES. sir" said the boy. but this
is for another woman. '-Rocheste1' Post Err
press.
How to Treat Woman is the title of a news
paper article. Headlines are often deceptive
Some women like to be treated with consider
alton. others with affection. and there are still
others who like to be treated to ice cream
Boston Herald.
Professor Riley. the entomologist. cut a
n llpt. hJt.-
turned on the hinder part and levoured it. and
was again united. The republican party in this
state has been divided; and the trouble is the
hinder and smaller portion is mad because it
can't devour the larger half. 1t should 90 to
the cricket and learn wisdom.-NO,r isto,rn
(Pd.) Herald.
An adage amended: Birds OF feather flock
on new bOnnets.-Aep orleans Picdyuue.
Accuracy of expression: 4 family who have
recently moved into suite of rooms received
an elegantly-wOrked motto last week. which
read as follows: Heaven bless our flat
Boston Courier.