The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1882-05-11
manitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, MAY II, 1882.
WIT And HUMoR.

The plumber, unlike the water-pips
on which he thrives, never busts up.
Sir Walter Raleigh made his way to
fortune and fame By politeness. He was
not one of the Elizabethan ruffs.
Irish epitaph: Erected to the memo
| ~ of John Philips, accidentally shot IS
| mark of affection by his brother"
The absent-minded hen is great
trouble to herself. She forgets where
she laid her last egg.
Hanlan claims to be of Russian ak
traction. He is certainly . Row-man-
off.
The hardest rocks are made of the
softest mud, just as the biggest swells
are made from the smallest men.
A gentleman said, when . pretty girl
trod on MS toe, that he had received the
stamp of beauty.
It is said that q Brooklyn landlord
never smiles except when he can charge
it to his tenants.
Why are balloons in the air like vaga-
bonds3 Because they have no visible
means of support.
A good many of the young men of
this city are natural sailors. At least
we judge so from the ease with which
they pilot schooners over the bar.
Chesterfield used to say, "Never walk
fast; gentleman Is never in hurry"
But, then, there were no railroad trains
or horse-cars to catch in his day.
Boiling hair in solution of tea viii
darken it, says an exchange; but some
folks don't like to have their tea dark
ened in that way.
Tutor in Mcch1ntcs-H q body meet q
body Sophomore Tin an undertone,
mechanicAlly)-Coming through the
rye.
A Philadelphia man fell dead while
running for car. My son. don't run
for car; it pays better to run for an Of
! fee
The safest way to curry mule is not
! to begin the operation until you have
etherized him. His natural sleep is
! treacherous.
A correspondent wants to know where
the expression "let up comes from.
We believe it comes from the fellow who
isn't Gu top in the fight.
At St. Cloud traveller asked at what
times the little steamers left. Every
ten minutes" was the answer; ''mon-
sieur will not have to wait more than Q
quarter Of an hour"
Washington scene: Deep-voiced guz-
zler-"Hi, waiter! bring me three more
schoonersr' Awe-struck spectators,
whispering: "That must be the new
Secretary of the Navy"
! One of our best humorous versifers
begins a poem thus: 81 cannot sing to-
night, love- she silently did say" She
must have broken the silence all to
pieces when her words dropped.
A chap who sent us = poem beginning
when twilight dews are falling fast
upon the rosy lea" has since married
Rosa Lee, and now the weekly dues arc
falling faster upon him.
The clergymen of Lampasas supply
the prisoners in jail with manuscript
sermons to read during their leisure
hours. The way of the transgressor is
hard, very hard.
The editor who was asked by "bash-
| full subscriber if he could tell him s.the
| first step toward matrimony" and replied
"mis-step," was either q punster or =
horrid old bachelor.
To an enthusiastic angler who plead
| party Of which Krauf was tired, the lat
ter said, But we must draw the line
somewhere"
| A bald-headed professor reproving q
youth for the exercise Of his fists: 1--WE
! fight with our heads at this college"
| The youth reflected moment and then
replied: "Ah, see, and you have butted
| all your hair off,"
A fashion item says that ''Titian red
hair is to be the favorite shade during
| this season" 1t differs from the poli-ti-
| tian red. One is worn On the nose and
| the other on the head. But how black
haired damsel is going to dye her tresS-
es red, is what puzzles US.
| A noted physician says many persons,
simply by deep and rapid inhalations Of
| pure air. can become as intoxicated on
oxygen as If they had taken draught
| of alcoholic stimulants. Here is point
| for the man who has been walking rap
idly homo from the club in the night
| air.
| when I came to town." said rich
broker, II hadn't penny of my own"
And have you now, sira" asked quiet
faced man in the far corner of the room.
The broker didn't answer the question.
Perhaps he didn't hear it. Possibly it
was pain in the stomach that drew his
face down SO suddenly.
| Under the laws Of the pilgrim fathers
| man could not kiss his wife on Sum-
| day, and after a somewhat critical ex-
animation of portraits of wives of those
| days, we think the laws were eminently
| just, if not in the main lenient The
| pilgrim fathers should have been fined
for kissing such homely wives, any day
| of the week.
! Musical definition: A diminished chord
| the cord of wood a sold by the I'M
| scrupulous coal-dealer. A cross relation
the average mother-in-law. A de-
| ceptive cadence-when the cats keep
| quiet after you have thrown the boot
! jack. only to resume again after you
have closed the window. Oblique move
ment-homs from 1.-THE lodge"