The Osceola times., 1882-11-04
BRIEF AND BRIGHT.

At the cafe, between friebds-"What
are you going to take, Samuel|' "A cup
Of black Coffee "And you, Moses"
Tm going to take a silver spoon"
Telegraph blue" is new color. 1t is
the shade of a MANS face when he gets |
from his broker asking for more
margin.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
A Tennessee woman has trained dog
to drink beer and chew tobacco. Now
you will see that woman will never
marry. She has no use for man around
the house,
"You are mistaken, sir" said Miss
Snifkins, haughtily, to bashful young
Thompson, who had just stepped on her
long flowing robe, my train does not
carry passengers"
Lord Chesterfield, noticing a very
grave and awkward couple dancing a
minuet, said they looked as If they were
doing it for money, and were doubtful
about getting paid.
"Do you buy your music by the
sheet?" inquired young lady OF the
deacon's daughter. "Oh, no." she re-
piled II always wait until Sunday, and
then get it by the choir"
81 like your new hat very much" he
said otis chick : there's sort of 'aban-
dom" There isn't any sort of band
on it," she said, pouting, Its real os-
trioh feather"
"Tug" Wilson, the English bruiser, has
sailed for home, and if he writes book
about America he will have no trouble
in telling what "struck him most forci-
bly," in this country.
The sublimest state of misery is en-
dured only by man with stifily-
starched vest, collar that won't stay
buttoned behind, Il pair of tight shoes
and blackberry seed between his front
teeth.
A Russian poet has presented a lady
of whom he is enamored set of works
bound in the skin of his own leg, which
was amputated some months ago. If
eyor books were bound in calf, these are.
The circus proprietor who failed in
securing the bones of Guiteau for exhibi-
ton should make an offer for the score
of the American rifle team in its recent
match. Nothing could be more skelc-
tonic.
An exchange pats a solemn truth in a
novel and pungent way when it says
that some men wear their best trousers
out at the knees in winter getting reli-
gion, and the seats of their pants out in
summer blacksliding.
Reader" care tacks inurious?" Yes,
very. To sit down upon tacks is quite
painful, and might produce lockjaw. But
TO have tax sit down upon you is simply
intolerable, ruinous,-Springfield (O.)
News.
Three Chicago children have been ar
rested and fined for stealing twenty-five
pillows Those twenty-five pillows were
from a summer hotel and were found
concealed in one of the boys vest pockets.
A Lexington, Ky, youth, who went to
work i'll the country, wrote his girl,
June graduate, that he was raising a calf
Imagine his feelings when she replied.
Il am glad you have begun to support
yourself"
A school in Vermont is presided over
by a cross-eyed teacher "That boy that
| am looking at will please step out on
the floor;' and Immediately twenty-seven
walked out in front Of the astonished
pedagogue.
a darkey, after falling from two story
window and striking his head first on the
pavement, got up and said to an alarmed
spectator: 81 'clar to goodness, if / had
fell anoder story I'd broke dat dere
stone"
Esthetic wife (sobbing): Dearest, I'll
see that your grave is kept green-but
not one of those horrid bright green's
nice oliye-gay green, with an old bronze
tombstone, will look too awfully lovely
for anything"
Philadelphia mothers now tell their
youngsters that if they are right good lit
tie boys until the bi-centennial celebra-
ton this fall they will take them down
10 the river bank and let them play with
the United States navy.
"Do you pretend to have as good
judgment as | have?" exclaimed an en-
ragged wife TO her husband. "Well, no."
he replied slowly "our choice ofpartners
for life shows that my judgment is not 10
be compared to yours"
The editor Of the San Francisco Bulle-
tin says that Herbert Spencer is married
to the evolution of thought and to meta
physical and scientific investigation.
whereupon Bill Nye wonders how Herb
likes it as far as he has gone.
A Syrian convert to christianity was
urged by his employer to work on Sun
day, but he declined. "But," said the
master, "does not your bible say that if
a man has an OK or an ass that falls into
a pit on the Sabbath day he may pull him
out?' "Yes," answered the convert
"but if the ass has habit of falling into
the same pit every Sabbath day, then the
man shsuld either fill up the pit or sell
the ass"