The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1882-07-19


their fellow menp' inquired Sunday
school teacher. sometimes to Canada,
but mostly they go to Europe" was the
reply of II youngster whose uncle had
recently been trusted officer in local
bank
A stone weighing twenty-five pounds
Is concealed under an old hat, and
man kicks it with such force rs to send
it nine yards, AS it takes two and one
half pounds of active pressure to move
one pound of dead weight one foot,
what force did he exert?
1t is said that women of the world
fght with delicate weapons, poison.
pointed, and thrown with unerring aim.
From a casual readingof the humorous
columns of our exchanges during the
past ten years, we have become con-
yinced that the weapons aforesaid are
the rolliug-pin, broom-stick, and stove
poker, none of which are delicate nor
poison,pointed- though the "unerring
aimN is correct.
A man spends eighteen Goats for lager,
ltll NflllN W. Nbbh'N'' lNNHlN ANillN W.
cigars, fifteen cents for street ear fare,
and loses %lj0 at poker; he then per
mitS his wife to purchase button-hook
for three cents, and figures that her eN-
travagance will ruin him in three years
What is his capital?
People who snore are supposed to
sleep heavily, vet experience has proved
that shrill sound like the chrp Of "a
bird will wake them, Don't kill the
birds, the pretty birds, that fly about
your door, for think, oh. think, how oft
they stop your next door neighbor' s
snore.
Scene, the breakfast table of an Ala
bama hotel where the Mccullough troupe
is stopping. The heat probably pre-
vented you resting well--you look tired. y
ooh, no, sir! Ii wasn't the heat ~
"What was it Them 1T was'-blush-
ing-'the bed. bugs Bed-bugs?"
said the passing landlord, They're out
early this Spring
Many good people find themselves,
sometimes. in II condition of mind like
the little boy who. on being asked
whether he would rather have Bible
or a iewsharp, hesitated a moment
and then replied: well, if it don't
make any great difference with God, |
would rather have the jewsharp"
A man has ninety-one sheep, eighty
seven calves and thirty-iive pigs, and he
desires TO divide them equally among
three sons and a daughter so that the
daughter shall have nine more head
than the boys. What will be the share
of each, providing three sheep are stolen,
two calves get lost and five pigs follow
circus away?
We'll my little man, aren't you bare
foot rather early this season. said a
benevolent gentleman to a New Haven
youngster one morning. Guess not
Wuz born barefoot, | WIZ" II declare,
SO you was; SO YOU was. What pity.
what pity! Well nature is unkind to
the poor, really and he gave the young
ster q dime to atone for the neglect Of
the mother of us all,
A Chicago man visiting Cincinnati
was being shown around by a citizen,
who said: Nov let us 90 and see the
Widows Home The Chicago man
put his finger to the side of his nose and
winked, and then said: Not much,
Mary Ann. saw widow home once,
and she sued me for breach of promise
and proved it on me. No, sir, send the
widows home i'm a hack -
Henry Ward Beecher relates that once
when riding on the circuit, he break
tasted at house where johnny cakes
were served. Observing feather pro-
tubing from his cake he remarked: isis
ter, your Johnny cake seems TO be feather
ing OUT Yes replied the lady I'M
abashed; 81 told John no longer than
yesterday that he must get cover for
the meal barrel or move the hen-rooSt."
The Milwaukee papers are making a
great deal OF fuss over the case of Al
bert Salaski, a young man who disap-
peared on the day set for his wedding,
and was afterwards found in an uncon-
scious condition, going from one con-
| vulsiOn into another calling the case
Fan extremely sad onc.' Why an editor
should seek to impress upon the minds
of his readers the faIlacious idea that
marriage is preferable to having fits is
not clear,
"Prisoncr," said the Judge severely to
the scoundrel who has been BROUGHT M
before him on the charge of numbering
the wife whom lie had abandoned fol
many years prisoner, what can You
plead in justification Of your atrocious
crimcT Well YOU see, your honor,
! did it for the best of motives. wished
to save myself from the shame of big
amy and to place myself in position tt
make the other woman my lawfully
welded wife"
One of Washington Irving's funny
letters tells about man Who in going
home from dinner party, at which he
had taken too much wine, fell through
an open grating into vault beneath
the sidewalk, He found the darkness
and silence rather oppressive at first
but in the course of the evening severa
OF the other guests fell in, and, on tn,
whole, they had very pleasant nigh
Of it.