Smyrna times., 1882-01-18
WHOLE no. 1855.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EvkAiNG NEvs.

,,h,,,. W. " w "lSuom We Il all be philo>,,-
r., > " no ever raw rich Young lady
that was not beautiful. '''''
mere IL nothing the mat.,.r y,.,i. ,I-,...
Wide except that he is utterly I.cxiru.i.
a Sense of ae Ridiculous
Aa exchange enioins. Never .,o.l
Mi''h "i your own performances H.
3'H'f words. r'~"mhlu a iump!ng-fack
12 ne mouth j. a hryAo.e BY which Tie
reFH unIocks man heart With awhi..
KY me world accOrds more room and
SIe"'cr respect to lively donkey's hesl>
than It does 70 lazy nan'~ head.
Dir. ;. Clark. one Of roAd dn I.r., ..;a.
& e&ai citizens. states. | have used 81 Jacob
vi ana am we'll satisfied that il isx-plrn
"U "IllcIe I" relieve pain and that very
quichl%. FoAd Il" La,. CGmmn.renItL
Not only treat your wife teudcrJ, I'm.
Oe thankful that YOU have found a wom.r
"llllhg 70 i've with YOU. The latest cen
Su" bulletin shows that there are oOouu
more men than women in th, country.
\ married woman in Indian. sv.,,ov-
td thity--ik shirt button. in an at;c,,lt
70 commit suicide. perhaps if She bad
Ss"cd those buttons on Where they he
ilonged her life would have leen ie-, ~.
happy.
Heard outside q. poi.aur.pnia !
thought. Miss :. h@, ,,i Ia. 81 thai Hjr,l
MINK, lel YOU Went up agd kis-.d her
MISS = do hate nor. and tha, is why
dld IT. Look at the big treckles or her
cheek whore ! kissed the powder of.
Rubbing bald head dailv with f...a
IA" onion will make the hair grow cut
AGAIN. Nature canstand q good deal bui
when il comes 10 such treatment ,bc tbrov,.
up the sponge and would start a crop a.,
peacock feathers if the owner desired n
There might have been time when
servant girls had pynchaut for wearing
thclr mistress clothes but that was ia lie
days of low wages. Nowadays the aver
age glrl would not be seen in such shabby
dresses as the mistress is obliged to appear
in
Two men in William.rsrt have a,reed
under penalty not 20 use Intoxicating
| liquors. tobacco. or keep company with
LADIES' for wear II was very mean Of
them to swear off going with ladies' iust
alter resolving TO make themselves pre-
sentable.
II the government would only prescn,
every Mormon yOunSster with a new tin
trumpet once a month MoTmonism could
moi long survive. What could any man
with 70 boys all blowing at once DO bu;
drown MS SORROWS in Salt Lake as quickly
As possible.
Boston lady who mas a gymnasium
for girls, cures curvature of the spine bv
! pllRg bean bags on the heads of the pa
ticnta and having the latter walk around
the room SO straight as not to drop them
| The Bostonians arc regular old topers on
that subject. They take beans for every
thing.
| Henry Ward Beecher has been much
criticised for his idea OF a meal which a
| poor man ought TO be satisfied with, but
Josh Billings can beat him on getting up
an economical bill OF fare He saws when
ne has salt mackerel for breakfast he is
satisfied to make the other two meals on
water.
In Connecticut they do not ask Who
| was your grandfather" What are Won
worth?' Oh What do you know" but
How many patents have YOU taken out?'
II You say " None, the give you one more
chance 10 prove yourself respectable bv il.
quiring How many insurance companies
have you stRrted?'
An old resident Of Milford, Del, is quo.
| ted as saying: About fifty wears ago
was bartender in q hotel at Milford.
Through the week we generally took in
about $40, but one day wheH the religious
quarterly meeting was held there We sold
over 5000 worth of liquor" How do yOn
account for thst?"-Ercdanqc The OLD
resident lied
After Oscar Wilde has dined at Delmon-
ico' in New York he is going to Boston To-
try their beans and is then coming to Phil
adelphia to feast oil sausage and scrapple.
He will then 60 West and after sampling
Cincinnati pig and Chicago whiSkey will
publish volume of poems and perhaps
deliver few lectures 1; will be seen
that he comes or business.
Two women called on a Maine deatisi
simultaneously. one to have all her teeth
extracted and the other only one, The
dentist mistakenly put the latter under
the influence of ether and rendered her
tOothleSs Those who saw her when she
came to realize il says the lion and the
tiger are luCSll8 Oh 1oTOClIN. nc Ue0-
tist wonders why in the name of all that's
good he was horn, anyway, and is anxious
20 learn when twill be safe for him to como
out of the swamps. The other woman
thinks the whole affair very funny.
We see by an exchange that & white
youth of l6 years has eloped with and mar
ried oOlored woman years older than
himself As he smokes cigarettes, parts
his hair in the middle and always accepts
an invitation TO drink because he thinks it
manly, the wonder is how any sensible
colored woman could marry him.
Oscar Wilde says esthestioism is "the
search Of the soul for the secret of life"
This is true. The secret of life is good
food; good food can only be obtained
with good money, and money is Just what
Oscar came to this country in search Of
His motive is praise worthy enough and
ne is welcome to all he can get.
At sale of Jersey cattle in New York
ON DecemqeF 1st the bull Farmers
Glory raised by Thomas H. Dudley, Of
Csmdcn, N j., brought the remarkable
price of So, 200 His son ForKet-me-not"
brought $2,126 Fifteen heifSrs sired by
him averaged SAT- .35 and four bulls $SS2.50.
Two other cows were sold at the same
time for 81 100 and 81 400 respectively.
Northwestern Iowa was formerly almost
treeless country, but owing to the efforts
- Ctotm