The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1882-11-01
The Splendid Fountain.
About the Most Successful Impromptu
Device of Mr.. Spoopendyke.
LBroeklyn Eagle.l


s'My DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he
planted the nozzle of the street sprinkler and
braced it with bricks so it would squirt straight
up, "My dear, that makes considerable of a
fountain. 1 wish 1 had thought of it BEFORE
upon my word" giggled Mrs Spoonpen-
dyke. "Why you really are an inventor.
That's the best fountain ever saw; but how
are you going to take it DOWN." and Mrs.
Spoopendyke contemplated the fountain with
considerable misgiving.
"Don't want to take it down!'' grunted Mr..
Spoopendyke sit comes down itself by the
natural law of gravitation. Did you suppose
that water intended to squirt up in the air and
wait for me to bring it down on step ladder?
Got some kind of notion that was going to
tie rope around that water and haul it down,
hadn't ye? Well, I'm not, and amt going to
offer it any chromos to come down eitherls'
And Mr.. Spoopendyke seated himself on the
lower step and eyed his fountain with great
deal of satisfaction.
How long are you going TO let it squirt?'
asked Mrs Spoopendyke anxious to have the
trouble begin that it might be over the sooner
"Oh, guess about 20 feet" replied Mr..
Spoopendyke, measuring the height of the
stream with his eye and chuckling to himself.
That's about as long as the pressure will per-
nit and thought I'd let it go that far before
hitched it up" and Mr. Spoopendyke shook
all over as the full strength Of the Joke i'm
pressed itself upon him.
Mrs. Spoopendyke watched the play of the
water in silence.
'P'raps you think 1 can't get that fountain
apart without getting wet" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke at length maybe you have imbibed
the idea that when turn that water off I'm
going to be soaked. Well, I'm not. The head
that invented that fountain knows how to
keep itself dry" and Mr.. Spoopendyke got IN
and walked around his prize, his face beaming
with smiles. The water was falling in a per-
feet shower upon the key-box, and in the at
ternoon sun tie fountain looked remarkably
pretty
Mrs. Spoopendyke made no response. Int ma
tienty awaited Developments
Nov bring me the umbrella said Mr.
Spoopendyke, preparing himself for the closing
triumph. Bring me forth the fiery, untamed
umbrelap' and as Mrs. Spoopendyke handed
it TO him he raised it, picked up his kew and
approached the stream. The umbrella pro-
tected him from the down pour, but as he bent
over to turn the water off the kissing shaft
struck under the Bingham, and raising the UNI
brella with vicious jerk, tipped Mr.. Snoo
pendyke over on his beam ends
"Dod CAST the measly squirt!' he yelled. as
soon as he recovered breath. "What We want
to distract my attention for?" and he shook
the umbrella at his wife as he rose dripping to
his feet "Another time when I'm fixin This
Mr.. Spoopendyke slared around him and ap-
preached the enemy once more.
This time he held the umbrella straight ont
before him, cropping along behind it with the
key. He had almost reached the rod when the
stream struck the outside of the umbrella and
as it whirled, Mr.. Spoopendyke spun around,
landing in sitting position on the fountain.
which lifted him about foot and rolled him
in the gutter.
That's what ye were waiting to see. was
ERC 1.r xkzAn ~alS..1 l.<l
shook his fist at his trembling wife. "Been
roosting up there to watch this display of gem
ius against brute forcel Got an idea hid away
somewhere that this fountain and me amt on
friendly termsp' and he whanged the umbrella
across the steadily pouring stream, got caught
once more and landed in the gutter again, this
time on the back of his neck. "How dye like
the show?" he squealed, bounding to his feet.
There's going to be concert after the cir
cusl'' and he charged once again with his UNI
brella, which this time was ierked out of his
hands and rolled over into the street. "Pro-
cure your tickets of the gentlemanly ushersl'
and he grabbed his weapon and made another
onslaught. mot that the circus performance
is concludedp' he continued as he fell clear oy-
er the stream and rolled into the umbrella.
sfThe best is yet to comeP' and in irving to
straighten the umbrella which had turned in
side out he caught the fountain again and slid
down on it on to the curbstone with sound
like bung starter on a barrel.
my dear, why don't you-2' began Mrs,
Spoopendyke.
'tAin't II" roared her husband. "P'raps
you know more about the personal habits Of
this dod gasted squirt than / do?" and he
slammed at it with the umbrella and kicked at
it until his leg was loose. MAY be you've got
some political influence here?" and lowering
his head behind the umbrella he charged
again. The water tipped the umbrella straight.
poured up into it and fell in a deluge on
Spoopendyke's bead and shoulders. Don't be
alarmed, ladies'" he squealed There's no
dangerl'' and he smashed the umbrella down
corps of dod gasted officials always on handr'
but at this iuncture the umbrella ripped from
handle to whalebone tip, the stream caught
Mr.. Spoopendyke under the chin and landed
him pale and gasping against the fencs.
t'This is what [ meant, DEAR" said Mrs,
Spoopendyke, boldly approaching the fountain,
kicking the nozzle over and turning the water
off. 'fThis is what wanted
81 know what We want!' yelled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke fairly beside himself with rage when
he saw how easy it was done. "You only
want little political influence and brick
chimney to be board of water commissioners
Ii / could kick like you. I'd build wall
around me, get into a wash tub and rent out
reservoir! If that's. all ye wanted, what
made ye howl for fountain? If We only
wanted to kick it over, what made We stand
around and devil me into building that
squiri?" Mr.. Spoopendyke wrenched off the
hose without waiting to uncouple it, and start
ed for the house.
"Are you wet, dear?" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, regarding him affectionat ly.
'"Weti'' howled Mr.. Spoopepdyke, "Man is
four-6fths water, and the other fifth of me is a
little moist; that's all, )" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
plunged upstairs and into bed.
ST don't care,'' murmured Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke HE didn't stand still long enough to
get chilled, and if he keeps mad for an hour
longer he won't catch cold," and, acting on
this new 'pathy Mrs. Spoopendyke busted her.
self at the bedside until her husband fell AZ
leep from the exhaustion of anger and snored