Connecticut western news., 1882-09-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

SOME hotel clerk must nave Orlgl- hated the expression "There is always room at the top. ."-Boston Star.
 A FRENcHMAN, feeling ill, complained to an English friend that he had @ pain in his portmanteau, by which he meant his chest.
 A GREEN BAY (Wis.) mother writes, "Are the children of Arabi Boy called Arapi Beybies |? Ours are called Green Baybies."
 THE captains and lieutenants in the army are not all minors, though 1t IS true that soldier never reaches his ma iority till he becomes field officer.
 THE census shows that the number
 of persons in family in the U nited
 States is small fraction over five. In
 some families we know the husband IS
 the small fraction over. . A CORRESPONDENT at Mount Desert
 tells of lady's dress that is "perfect
 dream" The nightmare part of the
 business was probably enjoyed by the
 man who paid for the dress.
 DURING military parade in New
 York town, recently, a young man tried
 to bow to three girls at once, and broke
 his neck A soldier should be content
 with Hardee's tactics on the march.
 THE peach crop promises to be as
 big as the wheat crop. This is no of
 year. "Everything goes." Now is the
 time to make up clubs and send in your
 arrears of subscription.
 A HOTEL was burned down in New
 York not long ago, and Texas editor
 lost all his baggage That was the reason the papers said the loss was not as large as was first supposed. .-1eTas .SJtimgs.
 IT IS with antiquity as with ancestry nations are proud of the one, and in
 dividuals of the other; but if they are nothing in themselves, that which IS their pride ought to be their humlila- tion.-CoLToN.
 GEORGIA has shipped more than $1OO. GOO worth of watermelons to the } northern States this summer. It does 3 seem as though this old bitter Southern 3 hatred of the North would never die = out--Ha,Okeye.
 DIALOGUE near the sea, on hotel ! piazza "I do not see how you ladies can remain here two months looking ss upon the changeless ocean, "But ; the men change" was the reply of dy.-Boston Journal. ,s "HAvE you resided long in this a towRa-:9 ttowRa ?" asked tourist of the oldest in .s habitant. "Yes, ass Is replied, "a long, a 4ong time. Dye zee t6a1 fal z9lf'z t- over yohder ? We'll, that was hefa Nl - ceme here." The tourist travelled on. le IDo not mean to expose my ideas to l, ingenious ridicule by maintaining that ?. everything happens to every man for ,f the best; but I will contend that he le who makes the best use of it ful6lls the W part of wise and good nan.-OUMBER le LAND.
 "a NATURE has left every man capacity ], of being agreeable, though not of shin 5. ing Tn company; and there are hundred 'e men sufficiently qualified for both, who n by very few faults that they might y correct in half an hour, are not so much
 as tolerable.
 THE world will never be in any man
 ner of order or tranquility, until mer If are firmly convinced that conscience Id honor and credit are all in one interest at and that with the conscience of the for o1 mer, the latter are but impositions npoI 'u ourselves and others. . "BoY," said stranger to a lad whe le was blacking his boots in front of is hotel yesterday, "if should give yo' m lo 8 dollar would your first impulse b !, n to go to the circus ?" "No, sir," wa IL the prompt reply. "My first impuls ne would be that it was counterfeit bill ! If Is IT not strange that we sometime ti hunt most for the things we want least a No man has 8 consuming ambition t er stumble across 8 burglar. But look a to the papers and you will find that peopl of are always advertising for them an he even offering rewards for their dis pr. covery.
 nd A LITTLE lady of two and half year ri- had picked up cane in the corner tin the room and was playing with it.
 plain stick bent at the end. Papa asked es, "What are you doing with the cane oil sIt isn't caue." "What is it, then 7ill 'It's an umbrella without any clothe he on it."
 ish . ot ,;o ;n +bo ,,ouer of al- man to brush away mist. But t l'e him ascend the hillside it covers and ut may look over it altogether. So 1t ars with our moral improvement. We ma 'ne struggle with faults which adhere to U req tenaciously, but which would fall ava Ah- of themselves did we seek @ high eiy moral atmosphere.
 hat
 in HIGGINS ls qui'e ah amateur !" nu' Irst ana the otner evening IaVoreo HIS lrAe tbe Spriggins with an operatic gem. Spri
 gins thought he would say somethi
 pleasant, so he remarked, "Higgii
 my boy, your voice ought to be oul .+ vated." And Higgins didn't take it " right way at all. and they don't spe t;no now.-LoaOeU Courier. B of SOME men have tact. Said the brit 8 of groom who didn't wish either to offe nut, his bride or d1o of internal dlsturban the 'sMy dear, this bread looks delicio the but it is the first you have ever ma the I cannot think of eating, but will P set serve it to show to our children in af