St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1882-11-03
SquibS.

n DOHntJ JnlS season, III Oruef TO he
of any account, must have five CON
trasting cOlors, to correspond with the
changing color on the face of the man
who foots the bill Lowell Citizen.
A. has an OvercOat for which he paid
SlS, and his wife trades it off for two
red-clay busts of Andrew jackson
worth thirty cents. How much money
will she get from her husband to buy IA
fall bonnet ?
We agree with an exchange that
there is Il disgusting amount of crime
in the newspapers, but the man who
has IA pimple on his nose can't blame
the looking-glass for showing it.
Philadelphia News.
This is the season of the year when
the agricultural papers are hard at
work advising farmers not to leave
their $500 mowers and $500 reapers
out in the snow all winter. No farmer
could get along without an agricultural
paper Philadelphia News.
He bowed to her across the table,
smirked, washed his hands in the in
visible soap and water, and said
"OXcuse me, dink haf med you at
SaratOgas dis summers-my name is
Moses" 81 cannot recall your face"
she airily answered, but your name is
quite familiar Memphis Avalanche.
Old Chief POcOtellO, now at the Fort
Hall agency, in answer to an inquiry
relative to the true Christian character
of former Indian agent at that place,
gave in very terse language the most
accurate description of hypOcrite
that was ever given to the public
"Ugh too much God and no Hour
Laramie Boomerang.
An English chemist analyzed red
stocking and got out of it twenty-five
grains of tin. We shouldn't think he
got enough to pay for his trouble-and
yet he couldn't expect to find gold
mine in one red stocking. A pair of
red stockings, however, frequently con-
tain something that Il gold mine
couldn't uy.-[NOrristown Herald.
| A story is told of cool BOstonian
when undergoing IL cross examination.
General Butler had badgered him un-
mercifully, and finally said, with
mixture of sOlemnity and lierceness
"Can you look me in the eye and re
peat that ?" The witness looked at
him a moment and asked quietly,
(Which eye u Memphis Avalanche.
A prominent politician woke up his
cOlOred man a few nights ago and told
| him to search the house, as he was
sure there was a burglar on the prem
! ises. The darky hunted the house all
over and reported as follows: "ColOnel,
| has hunted from top to bottom, and
| if dar is any 'spishous character 'cep-
tin you i'll the house, can't find him"
A provision broker of Chicago, in
conversation with Il New Yorker,
speaking of the stagnatiOn in business,
said "Why, it is "A positive fact that
there are less than two hundred thou
sand dressed hogs III Chicago to-day"
His friend replied in astOnishment,
'"Why, | thought your population
something over half million" > BOs-
ton Traveller.
"a chicken at Alliance, o., went to
rOOst upon the axle of freight car.
! During the night the car was attached
to a train, and when the feathered BIZ
ped descended from his unsteady
perch, he failed to recognize the scenes
of his childhood. He was in Lima and
the man in whose garden he went to
scratching got into a fight with the
whole neighborhoOd by accusing every
body of owning the fowl."- Ex.
"Chronic kicker - Yes we know
this isn't very much of a paper, not
half as good one as you could get up.
There isn't an editor on earth who
could get up as good paper rs you
could if you wanted to. But then you
| haven't got time, or you have other
/ lusiuass tbaf ynu frnt iufn NV f.Ly
instead of being an editor. It's great
blow to the country. Can't you get off
and come and run this paper IA week
Il Evansville Argus.
An extra pocket Three or four
days ago "A Detroit clOthier sold IA
young man pair of pants without
having to brag up the goods or lie
about what they cost in New York,
and the incident might never have
been recalled had not the buyer en-
tered the store again yesterday. ~
bought this pair of pants of you the
other day." he began. eyes, sir" ~
am not quite satisfied with EN-
whats the trouble ?" "Why, there
are two hind pockets" "Well ?"
"Well, | always carry my tObacco-bOX
in my hind pocket. If there is only
one / don't lose any time feeling on
the wrong side. If there are two I'm
never sure which one the box is in,
and have got to let go the plow-
handles with both hands at once. /
want the extra one taken Out.n Ii is
a solemn fact that the young man sat
down in a dark corner and waited
three-quarters of an hour for the tailor
to knock the two hind pockets into
! one Detroit Free Press