Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1882-06-26
NEWSPAPER WIT.

lUe OTtcuUaChcTS anu SuOulu
not be discouraged. Water can be held ii
a sieve by waiting till it freezes. .-[Texal
Siftings.
Customer = " Give me some fish.
Waiter" What will you take sir, blue
fish ?" Customer" 1t makes no differ
ence I'm color. blind. PUCK.
Hibernian, after attentively surveying
tourists BICYCLE" Arrah, now, an sure
that little wheel will never kape up wuth
the big wan, at all RI London Fun.
An exchange says: ga dozen women
ride now where one woman rode few
years ago." 1t will be seen that this ar.
rangement must he hard on the old horse
Lowell Citizen.
1t is stated that Chicago young lady
has ruined her feet by wearing shoes a
size too large for her. Now, the question
which naturally arising is, where did she
get the shoes ?-[Puck.
A Wisconsin man bit off the lobe of his
wife's ear. He says he did it in fun, but il
is suspected that he had promised her set
of diamond earrings, and knew no other
way of getting out of his dilemma. Bos.
ton Transcript.
where are you going in such hurry p
"Only back into the house minute to
change my pocketbook. Change it %
Yes, had no idea the day was SO hot
l started out with my sealskin pocket
book. lie Figaro.
Truly, we live in world of mystery,
and Lo thinking man can look at his um.
brella and ask himself where it will 90
when it is worn out without feeling that
he stands on the shore of an ocean of un-
explored truths.-[New York Times.
Mrs. Brooks, of Indianola, Ind, sold
her husbands overalls to rag man the
other day, and fortunately the rag man
was found in time to recover 500 which
had been put in the cast-of garment. Even
rag man has hard lack sometimes. II Bos-
ton Post.
Three Cairo Aldermen, each with a
black eye, attended the same meeting of
the Council the other night, and all told
the same story of stick of wood flying
up. One of them told the truth, yet all
the same, he suspected the others of lying.
Boston Post.
John Smith, of Brooklyn, has obtained
permission to have his name changed to
John Courier Smith. 1t was a great over.
sight in Mr.. Smith that he did not 90 a
little further and get himself changed to
John Courier Journal Smith. Louisville
Courier.J Journal.
A glove is now offered that contains q
pocket on the inside where lady can
place car ticket and small change, thus
saving to every lady about two hours time
ordinarily lost every day while searching
through the folds of her dress for her
pocket Philadelphia News.
A customer gives the shopwoman a
twenty franc piece which rings false "But,
monsieur, this is a counterfeit" The GUS
toner, after examining it closely-"Oh,
that can't be /! You see it is of the time OF
Charles x. In all these years it would
have been found out before. u From the
French.
Aman living near Burlington, VT, recently
got divorced from his wife, whom he now
employs as hired girl, but he can't see what
he gains by the operation. She demands
SO week, the washing sent out, three
nights and an afternoon off, besides the
privilege of having company in the
kitchen, and now threatens to leave il
he does not introduce into the house all
the modern improvements Il Philadelphia
News.
A London literary critic says there is toe
much simmering Irritation in American
novels, the authors being too much occu-
pied with young girls aa they are called. y
Well, the English novelist is too much oc.
cupied with maiden aunts and grandmoth-
ers, as they are called, and the American
writer has the best of ii hy a large major.
ity, with several "young girl precincts to
hear FROM Norristown Herald.
The Goldfish very seldom wings his way
so far west as Wyoming. He loves the
sea breezes and humid atmosphere of the
Atlantic ocean, and when isolated in this
mountain cline pines for his native
home. The Wyoming Goldfish is generally
dead. Death, in most cases, is the result OF
exposure and loss of appetite. 1t is in our
home.life that the Goldfish makes himself
felt and remembered. When he enters ouI
household we feel his all.pervading pres
ence,INye's Boomerang.