The river press., 1882-03-08
FLOATING FANOIEs.

Young Lady: sand who comes after E.
ther p (Pause) Is it Jo,?' Pupil mo,
miss Billy PIpers brother--I 500 him on
Sunday"
Mamie. said he, and bis Voice was sim
gularly low, "will you be my wife7 Will
you cling to me as the tender vine clings to
the - "Yes, l Catch on" said she.
Mistress: "Bridset, re lily can't allow
you to receive your sweetheart In the kitch-
en- any longer" Bridget: Thank yon
kindly, mum, but he's too bashful for the
psrlor,"
At the opera in London gentleman sar-
casticaily asked man standing up in front
OF him Ii he was aware he was an Opaque.
The other denied tie allegation, and said he
When Denver belle faints in court while
giving testimony, because her corsets are too
tight, the Judge suspends business and Waits
her recovery, while the clerk enters in his
journal "a stay in the proceedings"
TIE bees are swalming, and there's no
END 10 them. said farmer Jones, coming into
the house. His little boy George came in a
second Afterwards and said there was an
end to one Of 'em, anyhow, and it was red
hot, too.
''Maria, said the pious husband, ''them
wicked Smiths are allowing their children to
play in the back yard On Sunday. To-moI-
low Iii sick the dog on their chickens. The
judgment OF heaven must be visited on 'em
in some way"
''Give,he young man chance" says
writer. Yes, give him chance at church
festival ia u rafn } for blue-eyed doll in
poke bonnet, and just too lovely for any
thug. Give him chance-to 90 out anu
kick himself full Of holes because he went 10
the festival.
The Christian Advocate. mentioning the
case of an Irish girl who said she Joined the
Methodist Church ''on suspicion" for six
months, says: ''We don't know about the
propTiety OF taking people into the church on
suspicion. but we think considerable Lum-
Der might be led out on that ground.
A young lady who graduated from high
school last July is teaching school up in New
Hampshire. A bashful young gentleman
visited the school the other day, and was
asked by the teacher to say few words to
the pupils. This was his speech Scholars
hope you will always love your school and
~ +
giggling boys and girls and blushing school
ma'am
Things one would rather have left unsaid
Nervous person (Speaking at last to his
neighbprl: ''Do you know who that remark
ably ugly person is just opposite-talking to
The Slack-haired young lady, you know-um
-eh 2" Neighbor ''That, sir, il my bro
ther |" Nervous person: 'Yes beg
your pardon-I-I-stupid of me not to have
seen the family likeness-a-a-a-" (Col-
lapses and disappears
''Charley," said PhiIadelphia girl to the
young man who was sqne. z ny her hand.
''Isn'l Mr.. JoL cs u divorce lawyer ?" ''He il
darling, why do you ask p because when
lt0ld hin was engaged to you he urged
his card upon me and told me to keep it as
Pd be certain 10 need hia services before
long" II wasn't until Charley uttered u sup
pressed oath that the young woman under
stood the lawyers words, and began to re-
gard the young man with suspicion.
A new game called the 1.-The Printers De-
light" IL q fiae and pleasing one is play
ed in the following manner Take piece
Of white paper and put your autograph on it
and then told it carefully around u bank note
sufficient to pay up all arrears and year in
advance, then pu, it in an envelope, write
our address on the outside. stick one Of uncle
Sans little green cbromos ON the corner,
hand it to the postmaster, aud we'll take the
cons. qnences.
bashful youth, wishing to make his
male friends believe that he VAS solid with
tie girls, dressed up a'dumny straw woman
placed ii in !he slei gb, took . seat beside il,
aud drove through town tour times in ali
hour. Of course he nearly froze to death
A straw woman doesn't possess any more
warmth than Charles Francis Ada. 8, ami
doesn't scrOuge up and throw her arms
around her male companion when she thinks
the sleigh is going TO turn over and spill 'em
out in enuW-dIIti-and q sensible, exp ri
encei young woman, when out seighlng,
II nnh